So Damn Domestic
by Salix15
Summary: Seven years after the fall of Sunnydale Buffy and Faith share the domestic life together. Not much else to say about it. It's rated M for a reason. If you don't like reading about same sex relationships then don't read this.
1. A Weird Night

**Prologue**

Buffy knew that something was wrong with her. She didn't know what, she didn't if it was a bad thing or not, she just knew that something wasn't right. She could feel it in the pit of her stomach. Something inside her had changed. She felt different, a little odd, and not like herself. It wasn't like the time Giles gave her that 'slayer suppressing' drug, it wasn't like the time she was stung by that glarhk guhl kashma'nik demon (the gross one from 'normal again') or even like the time she was ripped from heaven. Nope, this was different and it was really starting to bother her.

She sat in her bedroom, alone, and feeling a little scared. Whatever was happening to her was causing her to become very aroused and no matter what horrible, nasty thoughts she forced herself to think (Giles in a speedo for example) her body simply got hotter, her center increasingly wetter. She felt like she was ready to pop and she decided to ignore all rational thought and go against her little inner voice that was telling her to put her pj bottoms back on and just take a cold shower.

She quickly entered herself with two fingers and gasped out at her own touch. She started a very quick rhythm and she used her other hand to rub against her overly sensitive clit. The self-pleasuring was very short lived, however, as the bedroom door opened and in walked the other occupant. The fact that she was caught only got her more turned on and she waited for her lover's reaction to the scene they had walked in on.

"Damn, did you miss me that much? I was only gone for three days, B." Faith said and laughed a little. Buffy wasn't in the mood for jokes or sarcasm. Only three words repeated in her mind over and over again as she lunged off of the bed and pounced on her lover: Faith. Naked. Now. She didn't even bother with foreplay or kissing or any type of prep work as she grabbed Faith by the waist and threw her on the bed. She didn't even bother to close the door as she literally ripped Faith's jeans off of her body along with her underwear.

She heard the other woman gasp out and moan as she spread the silky legs apart. She wasted no time in forcing her clit upon the other woman's, though she was met with little resistance. She started a fast and hard paced rhythm and she felt herself growing closer and closer to the edge with each thrust. She could feel her juices running down and mixing with the other woman's and the smell was intoxicating.

She felt one of Faith's hands work its way in between their bodies, her fingers were coated in the sticky liquids as she entered the blonde with two fingers. Buffy gasped out and hissed in a breath when Faith's thumb rubbed against her clit. She lasted another five seconds before she was screaming out in ecstasy. Her body collapsed on top of the brunette and she closed her eyes and entered a world of bright colors and tingly pleasant feelings. When she opened her eyes sometime later she noticed that they were both completely naked and Faith was staring at her with a very cocky grin spread out across her face.

"Welcome home baby," she smiled wide and started to slowly work her way down Faith's body. She was determined to give the younger woman an all night 'welcome home party'.

(Two months later)

"Buffy are you ok in there?" Dawn called out from the other side of the bathroom door. Truth be told Buffy was not alright, at least not at this very moment. She was sitting on the bathroom floor trying to calm herself as a fresh wave of nauseousness washed over her and she threw up the rest of last night's dinner. She rested her forehead against the cool surface of the toilet as she reached up and turned the handle. As she listened to the contents of her stomach being flushed down she stood up and rinsed out her mouth, completely ignoring Dawn's questions. That is until the eighteen-year-old said:

"That's it, I'm getting Faith!" Buffy dropped her toothbrush on the counter and spit out what was in her mouth before she lunged at the door. Her slayer speed allowed her to grab onto Dawn's arm before the brunette even got half a step. She turned her around and looked deeply into the worried blue eyes of her little sister.

"No, I'm fine, really. It's just a bug. There's no need to tell Faith, she'll just worry." That was only a half-truth. Yes Faith would worry very much because Buffy has gotten sick every morning for the passed two weeks, but it's not the only reason Buffy doesn't want the other slayer to know. Faith will make Buffy go to the doctor. She had threatened it four days ago when Buffy wasn't getting any better or any worst. Ever since her mother's death Buffy refuses to go to the doctor, even when she really should. But Faith said she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"If you're so fine then how come you don't want Faith to know? And wipe the toothpaste off your mouth, please. That looks so gross." Buffy rolled her eyes and then walked into the bathroom. She ripped off a piece of toilet paper and wiped her mouth with it and threw it in the trash.

"You damn well know why I don't want her to know. If she finds out that I'm still sick she'll drag me to the doctor's office. And I don't care what you two say, I'm not going to the doctor." To her horror she saw Faith step out of their bedroom and stand behind Dawn. The other slayer's face was a look of determination and also a little anger. Her eyes were as hard as rocks, and her jaw muscles were tense.

"Yeah B, you are going to the doctor even if I have to chain you up and carry you there myself." Buffy didn't even bother fighting. She knew Faith would get her to a doctor one way or another and she figured that if she went peacefully maybe she'd get a little treat afterwards.

She sat on the examination table, tapping her foot very nervously while she answered all of the doctor's questions. This wouldn't be so bad if they had allowed Faith to go back into the examining room with her. But no, allowing someone other then a legal family member to wait with a patient in the back rooms is against office policy. And who the fuck came up with that rule? Buffy wouldn't be five minutes from a panic attack if Faith were in the room with her, holding her hand and promising to make this up to her. The doctor then had her roll up her sleeve so he could draw some blood. He then reassured her that everything would be fine and he said he'd call when the test results came in.

She left feeling very nervous and scared. The results wouldn't be back for a couple of days and she knew something was wrong. It wasn't just that she was getting sick every morning, but she was dizzy a lot and would have to sit down or else she would fall. Her breasts were hurting a little, they were very sore and she forced herself to be quiet about it in bed because she didn't want Faith to worry. But she knew that she might have breast cancer. She felt for lumps and didn't find any and she knew that Faith would say something if she felt something abnormal, but you never know and she's scared. She wasn't going to voice that fear because keeping her emotions to herself is something that Buffy's been doing since she became the slayer.

It took four days for the doctor to call. Four whole days. Ninety-six hours and Buffy only slept for about twenty of them. The rest of the time was spent either pacing or slaying or stealing Dawn's notebooks to doodle in. She didn't want to sleep or eat or just sit down and watch television. Faith suffered a little because Buffy was too worried and uptight to make love or just spend time with her. She and Dawn were almost completely ignored. Looking back she can still remember exactly where she was standing and what she had been doing before.

Faith had tried to get her to talk, to relax a little bit. But it didn't work at all. They ended up fighting, screaming at each other. They didn't hear the phone ringing because their voices were too loud and they weren't paying attention. Buffy was too exhausted to fight and listen for the phone at the same time and Faith was too on edge. Neither can remember what but Faith said something that really upset Buffy and the blonde rushed off to the bedroom. She was about to break down, get all of the fear and anger out of her system but then something caught her attention. The little blinking light on the answering machine was flashing, telling anyone who might look that there was a message waiting to be listened to.

She stood up, her breath caught in her chest as she got closer. She could hear nothing but her heartbeat and she could see nothing but that little blinking light and the five buttons on the machine. A couple of moments of her life started to flash before her. The first was when her mother died. She walked into the house and found the body. On some deep level she knew that her mother was gone and would never be coming back. She could just tell by the glazed look in her mom's eyes. She didn't want that to happen to her. She didn't want Dawn or Faith to come home one day and find her dead.

The second moment that flashed before her was when she had died. She died saving Dawn, the entire world, and she had gone to heaven, or one of the heavenly dimensions at least. And if she does have something seriously wrong with her, if she really is going to die again would she go back? Or do you only get to go to heaven once? Would she not get to go back because she fucked Spike? Looking back now she is glad that her friends had pulled her out because she gets to see Dawn grow up and she has this wonderful second chance with Faith. But the question still remains: have her friends screwed her over? Still somewhat in a daze she pressed the button and waited for her fate:

"Hi, this is Jillian Bates from Dr. Widicker's office. I'm calling about Buffy Summers' test results. Congratulations Ms. Summers, you're pregnant. If you would like to give us a call back we can set up some appointments to make sure that the baby is doing fine or if you'd like we could recommend a specialist. Congratulations again, hope to hear from you soon, bye now." Buffy's first thought after hearing that was: 'Jillian sounds psychotically chipper.' The news of the pregnancy took a couple of minutes to sink in and once it did she fainted. When she woke up she was lying on her bed, Dawn and Willow were making a big fuss over her. The first thing Dawn wanted to know was who Buffy had slept with, but her sister didn't say anything. Instead the eldest Summers got up and went into the living room. Faith was sitting at the window, her legs hanging out, her feet were lightly tapping against the brick building as she took a long drag of the cigarette and exhaled very slowly. She didn't even turn around when she felt Buffy walk up behind her.

"Let me tell you a story," she said. Her voice was even and calm and she sounded a little distant. Buffy tried to interrupt but Faith wouldn't let her. "Let me tell you a story." This was said a little more forcefully and Buffy knew she should just be quiet. Faith inhaled and then exhaled another drag from the clove cigarette. "There's this girl, from a bad neighborhood, lived pretty much a shit hole life. Then this huge opportunity is handed to her and suddenly she's number one. But this girl's foster mom, the only person who ever cared about her, starts to tell her some stories about this self-righteous blonde chick who's just like her. And this girl just can't seem to do anything right because everyone around her is comparing her to the blonde.

"So she goes out looking for her when she needs help. But this girl she's so used to living on her own and taking care of herself that she doesn't know how to ask for the help. But she gets it and then the two become something like friends but without the emotions. And this girl, she wants the blonde so much that she starts doing things to impress her, tries to show her how she thought life should be lived. And then it all went to hell and this girl had no idea what to do. So she picked the wrong side because she thought it was her only option. But things just got worst. And this girl was being used and told that she was loved but she really wasn't.

"Then she gets put in a coma and even there she can't get away from the blonde that she loved so much. But she felt betrayed and she woke up from this deep sleep even though all of the docs said it was impossible. So she goes after the blonde, feeling alone and scared. Half of her wants fall to her knees and beg for forgiveness, the other half wants nothing more then to slice this blonde chick open. But again things don't go as planned and she tries to run away but the blonde follows. Now this girl goes to prison to try and redeem herself because she knows it's the only thing to do. She ends up breaking out to save a friend and then heads back to the town that has the one thing she's always wanted.

"After the big crisis is over she starts to feel all alone again. Until the blonde comes up to her on the bus they're riding on and confesses this deep, profound love that she's had for this girl and she says that it had scared her and she couldn't think straight and she ended up pushing this girl away. And she begged the girl to forgive her. She cried until she fell asleep in this girl's arms and the girl swore to herself that she wouldn't give in, she wouldn't return this blonde's love because in her eyes she'd never be good enough. But the blonde wouldn't stop begging, wouldn't stop pushing the issue and the girl gave in because she couldn't stand to see the blonde so hurt. And they were happy. At least the girl thought they were happy. If you wanted this relationship so goddamn bad then why did you fuck someone else? If your love is so deep then why would you do that?" Her voice cracked against her will and she mentally kicked herself for it.

"I…I didn't. You're the only one that I've slept with since Spike, and it's impossible that he could get me pregnant. Plus it's been a couple of years." There were tears in her eyes and her voice was shaky. She watched as Faith laughed and took the last drag of the cigarette and then threw the butt across the street. She swung her legs around and hopped down onto the floor and shut the window. She was smiling a very disbelieving smile and she had tears streaming down her face. Buffy wanted nothing more then to take Faith into her arms and kiss the tears away. But she knew not to push, she knew hat if she tried to touch Faith now things could get ugly.

"Then we better call Ripley's B, 'cause I think this qualifies as a 'believe it or not'. Do you really expect me to believe you? Beef Stick was in town a couple months ago, how do I know you didn't give him another ride while I was in New York?" Buffy was almost sick at the thought. How could Faith think something like that? Ok, so Buffy could completely understand it and if she were Faith right now there's no way she'd be that calm.

"I swear on my life that I would never cheat on you, that I have never cheated on you. Think about it Faith, after everything we've seen, after everything we've done is this really that unimaginable? We fight vampires and demons, we've saved the world from the ultimate evil, I've died twice, once for almost four months. Is conceiving a child together really that far out there and impossible?" She watched as Faith thought about it. She was skeptical, Buffy knew, but she was willing to at least hear the blonde out. They had Willow put her hands over the blonde's stomach and she did some type of magic that allowed her to get a read on the baby. She told them what she found which was the baby was created by both of them. An unknown witch had cast some type of spell and it changed something inside both of the slayers for that one night and it allowed them to make this little life.

She wasn't able to tell them what they really wanted to know, which was the sex of the baby. It made sense to everyone that the baby would be a girl what with the lack of the Y chromosome and all. So they were very shocked when Buffy gave birth to the seven pound six ounced healthy boy. Not only did Xander and Faith half to repaint the nursery to a nice sky blue, but Willow, Kennedy and Dawn had to go shopping to replace all of the pink and yellow with blue and green clothes.

It was obvious that the baby would have Faith's last name that was a given, so Buffy got to pick the middle one and they agreed upon the first. It took almost two weeks for them to decide and it was Dawn who came up with it. Everyone thought that it was a nice name and it fit the baby well. No one was anticipating getting sick of it once the kid reached his "terrible twos".

Buffy was always yelling out his name for something. He would be trying to reach something he's not supposed to touch. He would sneak into Buffy and Faith's bedroom and use the lipsticks to write on the large vanity mirror. He would play too rough with the dog. This kid was half Faith's there was no doubt about it. He not only acted a lot like her but he looked a lot like her. The dark locks, the brown eyes, and the dashing dimples he got from her. His shortness, thin lips, and little ears he got from Buffy. Somehow he got Dawn's nose but no one knows how that's possible since Dawn was never technically born. They were happy though. And that was the important thing. They had the troublesome but handsome two-year-old, the Golden Retriever and nice house with white picket fence. They had become what Buffy had always wanted: normal.

* * *

Don't judge the rest of the story by this chapter. The rest of it is a first person point of view from both Buffy and Faith's perspectives. This was simply a 'before you read' type of thing so you'll understand the hows and whys for the rest of the story. 


	2. A Dog, A Fight, And Two Silk Scarves

**Three years later. Present day.** BPOV

"Matthew James Lehane, you get down off that coffee table right now!" I yell as I try to set the dinner table and keep an eye on my son at the same time. It isn't' working very well but I'm managing. As long as I don't leave him alone for more then five minutes he won't break anything. At least I pray he won't. This house has seen more broken furniture and flower vases and lamps then my old house in Sunnydale and that one was always being attacked by demons. "Matthew, go wash your hands, dinner's almost ready." On the inside I'm full of pride. This is the first home cooked meal I've cooked in almost seven months. The last time I tried making an entire meal on my own half of the kitchen burned down. But it wasn't my fault, totally not my fault.

"But Mommy, I just washed 'em yesterday," he whines and walks up to me. He holds up his hands for me to see so he can prove that they're clean, but they aren't. He has a very bad habit of playing with his little green army men in the house plants, he's seen Toy Story way too many times. Not only that but he plays with the dog, Tucker, almost all day long. He looks up at me with his big doe-eyes and little pout and my heart almost melts. Almost is the key word because I see that look all too often, and not just from him.

"You go wash those grubby hands or no dessert for you, mister." I have to hold in the laugh as I watch him grumble and walk down the hallway towards the bathroom, kicking at the floor with the toe of his shoe saying something about moms and them being against dirty hands. I roll my eyes and shake my head a little, but I'm smiling. I love that kid more then I thought I'd be able to love anyone. I stop thinking about it because when I think about how much he manes to me I get a little freaked. Anyway, I bend down and open the oven door. I very carefully lift the lid off the large pot and check on the baking chicken. Yep, almost done, only five more minutes to go. I actually made an entire meal without burning anything or lighting anything on fire.

But then I feel an index finger and thumb pinch my ass and I jump because it startles me and I burn my hand on the oven. I yelp out in pain and stand up and close the over door and then turn around to see a guilty looking Faith giving me the exact same pout our son tried to use one me. I walk over to the sink, giving her the silent treatment, and run my hand under the cool water. I watch out of the corner of my eye as Faith stands next to me, stilling pouting a little. I think I've rubbed off on her over the years because she never used to pout this much.

"I'm sorry, B." Seven years together and she still calms me 'B'. Not that I mind. "But you know I think your ass is irresistible, especially when you got it sticking up in the air like that. I didn't mean for you to get hurt, I was only bein playful." And Dawn said I'd never be able to tame her. Looks like my little sis owes me twenty bucks. She flashes me those trademark dimples and then gently pulls my hand out from under the water. Slayer healing is doing its job and the mark is almost gone, except for a little pink spot near my thumb and index finger, you know that little soft spot between the bones? Faith gives it a little kiss and watches as my slayer healing gets rid of the spot. "See? All better?" I allow myself to be pulled into a searing kiss that quickly grows in passion. Faith's hands find my hips and she is about to lift me up onto the counter but then we hear someone coughing behind us. We pull apart and look over towards the doorway and see our son pretending to cough and look disgusted. I'm going to kill Dawn for teaching him that.

"Eww, that's gross. Aunt Dawn said that this girl she knew had a big sister and the big sister died when she chocked on her boyfriends tongue. That's yucky!" Not that story again. Like I said before, I'm going to kill Dawn. I roll my eyes and watch as Faith gets a big smile on her face. She leaves one last pinch on my ass before she starts walking towards the boy all slow and predator like. I know what's coming. It happens almost every time we get caught making-out by him. Isn't having a kid and raising a family supposed to kill your sex drive? We're still as 'attracted' to each other now as we were seven years ago.

"You think it's yucky huh?" she asks in a mock-serious tone. He also knows what's going to happen and he giggles with anticipation and nods his head yes. "Well come here, Mattie, give us a kiss." She puckers her lips and makes kissy sounds as he squeals and runs into the living room. They're both laughing as Faith chases him around the room, letting him stay a couple feet in front of her before she finally scoops him up. He squeals with laughter and continues to laugh as she leaves tons of kisses all over his face.

I shake my head and finish making the meal. I put the chicken on the platter, the mashed potatoes in the bowl, the gravy in the gravy dish, the carrots in a bowl and the rolls on a plate. I carry it all out to the table, I make three trips so I don't drop anything, and then I go into the living room to announce that dinner is served. What I see as I stand in the doorway at first pisses me off, but they are both so cute that I can't stay mad. But I can't help but wonder: how the hell did I not hear that break?

"Mommy is gonna be mad," Matthew says as he picks up the lamps shade and carefully places it on the couch. The rest of the lamp, including the light bulb, is shattered and lying in a million or so pieces on the floor. The reason I was pissed was because that lamp was brand new. I bought it two days ago to replace the other lamp that Matthew broke when he decided that indoor t-ball was a good idea.

"Yeah, she's gonna be really mad. So we'll just buy a new one tomorrow, ok? We'll tell her that I broke this one, alright?" she asks and he nods his head. Tears are in his eyes as he thinks about his impending doom. Well, that's probably what he's thinking about. Ok, so sometimes I can be a little mean and I yell a little. But a person can only replace the same lamp so many times before they snap. For how much he takes after Faith he's surprisingly sensitive. Faith, only jokingly at least that's what she said, blames me. She explained to me that I have so many girly emotions that they passed onto the boy and even though Faith's genes tried to fight off the invasion of the girliness it was just too strong. Yeah, she didn't get any that night, you can be sure of that. "Hey Mattie, don't cry. She's not gonna yell. She's in a good mood tonight 'cause she finally made dinner without burning anything. We'll tell her it's my fault, ok?" He nods his head yes and Faith scoops him up in a big hug. She always tries to protect him even from things he shouldn't be protected from. But she is a good mother, a lot of people find that surprising.

"Come on guys, dinner's getting cold." The words barely leave my mouth before a very loud crashing and then shattering sound can be heard from the kitchen. I run in there and my jaw drops in shock and horror. My perfect meal, the one I spent the last couple of hours slaving over, the one I made all by myself was ruined. But this time it isn't my fault. Nope, this time it's all to blame on: "You stupid dog! Get away from there!" Tucker looks up from the meal that is spread out all over the floor and run for his life. I would follow but I'm too pissed to move. So I yell instead. "Faith! I want him out! That dumb dog has been nothing but trouble since the day you brought him here. I want him out. Take him away!"

FPOV

I'm a little surprised by her outburst. Not the fact that she yelled but what she said. Sure, Buffy doesn't like the dog but she couldn't be telling me to do what I think she's telling me to do.

"Alright, I'll put him out back," I say and set down my little boy. It's crazy how much I love that kid. And you'd think that since I'm the butcher outta me and B that I'd be the one to tell him no and send him to his room, but one look into those big brown eyes of his and it's all over. He has me wrapped around those chubby little fingers. Anyway, I put him down and carefully stepped over the broken glass and wasted food.

"No, not just outside, I want him gone. You have two days to find him a new home or I'm taking him to the shelter." Her voice is full of venom and I know she is serious. But still, the question needs to be asked.

"You're not serious are you? Come on, B, we've had him for over three years. He's like a part of the family. We can't just get rid of him." I can tell that she's pissed, who couldn't? And she really does want the dog gone but I'm not about to go down without a fight. That's my first dog after all, not to mention our son's. We can't just get rid of him just because he's a troublemaker.

"Don't 'B' me." Oh there will be jokes about that later. "And yes we can. You have two days, Faith, or I'll get rid of him and that's final." She stomps off to the bedroom and slams the door. Mattie starts crying and I do my best to comfort him but nothing is working. I can't blame him, if my mom said she was going to get rid of my dog I'd be upset too. I go out to the back door and see the scared dog lying next to it. I let him outside and then sit down on the deck, Mattie in my lap and we sit there petting Tucker and hugging him. Damn, I'm a softy. Little Mattie only gets more upset and he cries himself to sleep. I take him back in the house and put him in his bed, it's one of those plastic ones shaped like a racecar. I tried to talk him out of it but he's headstrong, like Buffy.

I go back outside and sit down in one of the patio chairs and light up one of my clove cigarettes. Buffy's always on my ass about quitting but it's how I deal with her crazy shit. Tucker comes over and rests his head in my lap. He looks so sad, like he knows his time here is almost up, well if Buffy gets her way it is. She's been mentioning getting rid of him for almost a month now, but I never thought that she'd give a deadline. I take the last drag and stamp the butt out in the ashtray on the table. I give my dog a kiss on top of the head and then go into the house. He tries to follow me but I know for his own good he should stay out. I see that Buffy has cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and put two unopened cans of alphabet soup on the counter. I roll my eyes and then go into our bedroom where Buffy is getting ready for bed, it's only 9:15.

"Buffy." I only use her full name when I'm serious and she knows it. "We can't get rid of Tucker. I know you're pissed but we can't." I sit down on the edge of the bed just as Buffy pulls back the covers and prepares to get under them. She glares at me but doesn't anything. I hate the silent treatment. She lies down and turns off the small lamp on her nightstand leaving me sitting there in the dark. I turn on the lamp that's on my side of the bed and decide to just get ready for bed.

I go into the bathroom, brush my teeth, check on Mattie like I do every night. I change him into his pjs. He only wakes up for a second but then goes out like a light. That kid sleeps like the dead. Then I go to the other rooms in the house and turn out all of the lights that are still on. I take a deep breath before I go back into the bedroom. Buffy turned out my lamp, but I'm going to remain calm. I turn it back on and she sighs a very pissed off sigh. I hate it when she goes to be mad because she won't let me hold her. I like having her in my arms as we fall asleep. I put on my version of a pair to pajamas, which is nothing more then a really baggy t-shirt. It's an improvement, at least I don't sleep in the nude anymore.

I stopped doing that after Mattie had his first nightmare about two years ago. He came into the room and woke Buffy up and since she was still half asleep she thought it would be ok to put our three-year-old son on the bed with us, in between us as a matter of fact. I woke up a coupe hours later and Mattie was fast asleep using one of my tits as a pillow and squeezing the other with one of his little hands. I haven't been able to sleep nude since. The things I do for that kid. Not only can I no longer sleep naked, but I can't walk around naked either. Having a kid really cuts down on your naked time. Anyway, so I sit down on the bed and look over at Buffy. I know it's only a matter of time before she'll say something, but she's keeping quiet and I'm starting to get frustrated.

"How has he been trouble? Honestly, what has he done that's so horrible other then ruining tonight's dinner?" I can tell this is going to be a long night. But if she wants me to get rid of my dog I think I deserve to know why, don't you? She sits up quickly and flips on the lamp. She is still pissed. I can almost smell the anger coming off of her. But no matter how pissed Buffy is I'm not going to back down. Nope, I'm gonna stand my ground even if she is lookin at me with this insane look in her eyes.

"What has he done? You're serious? You don't' know what that monster has done?" Ok, that's going a little too far. "Alright I'll tell you." She starts listing things, countin 'em on her fingers. "He chews up the furniture." Only once to the ugly couch that we both hated. "He scratched up the front door." Only 'cause he had to pee really bad and I was draggin my feet. "He digs holes in the backyard." He helps Mattie. "He destroyed my garden." Ok I'll give her that one but only because it was a nice garden. "The cat ran away because he never left her alone." And I encouraged him, I hated that stupid cat. "He rushes people at the door and knocks them down." What? He gets excited, no big deal. "He barks all night until you let him in our bedroom." He gets lonely. "And then you let him sleep on our bed." How would you like to sleep on the floor? "If I try to touch you he growls at me and you don't do a damn thing about it." No comment. "He's a pest, Faith. I want him gone." Ok, so those are some really good reasons, but I'm not going to just give up.

"So he needs some training. I'll train him to do better. Come on, in a couple of weeks he'll be the perfect dog."

BPOV 

I shake my head no. The dinner is the final straw. That dog has made my life more stressful since Faith brought him home. But remembering why Faith got him is making my walls weaken just a little bit. Can't think about that now. We can always get Matthew another dog, just because Tucker was a birthday present it doesn't give him immunity and a free pass to be out of control. I can tell Faith isn't going to budge on the issue. She's too stubborn for her own good sometimes.

"Faith, we've had trainers." Six to be exact. "We've taken him to an obedience class." They asked us to leave because the dog was too distracting. "We've read books and watched videos and nothing has worked." Wasted over a hundred dollars on those. I'm fully aware of why Faith bought Tucker in the first place. It's kind of sad, and has always crippled me before but I'm not going to let it get the best of me now, even if she does think I'm a bitch. This dog is leaving and that's all there is to it.

"But a kid needs a dog, B. Especially an only child. Mattie needs a friend he can just talk to and get dirty with and get into trouble together. That's how it's supposed to be." Oh God, not the tears. Every time Faith uses the an-only-child-needs-a-friend-card she gets these tears in her eyes and I'm starting to think that she does it on purpose. I know that when she says that she isn't talking about Matthew, she's talking about her lonely childhood and how she always wanted a dog but her drunk mother never let her have one. Growing up she didn't have loving parents or any friends and she always felt alone. The reason she got a Matthew a Golden Retriever is because those are **the** dogs you see in the stereotypical suburban families. I complained a little when she first got him because he would get big, and he did. But I gave him a chance and now I'm done.

"Look Faith, I'm not saying we can get him another dog, just not a big dog. Maybe like a Cocker Spaniel or something around that size. This house just can't take a big dog. And I can't take him being in our bed. That dog is totally possessive of you." You're mine, not his. "And it's getting worst. I'm afraid that one day you'll be playing with Matthew and Tucker will get jealous and hurt him." Not likely, the only person that dog has a problem with is me, but if I'm going to win this then I need to strike some kind of nerve. And to Faith, Matthew is a huge nerve.

"He won't." She sounds stern and also a little desperate. "I won't let anything bad happen to Mattie, you know that." And I do. We'd both die protecting him if we had to that's why we signed some papers with a lawyer and if both myself and Faith die either together or separately Matthew is going to live with Willow. I look over at Faith and after a short pause she continues. "And if him bein on the bed bothers you so much I'll him stay on the floor. Please, Buffy, don't make him leave." Her and her damn doe eyes. I cannot believe I'm letting her manipulate me this way. I'm the one with the cute pout nobody can say no to, it's not fair that she has one too. I sigh and start thinking about my options. On the one hand I can get rid of Tucker and both Faith and our son will be pissed at me. On the other hand I let him stay and he destroys my house but my family will be happy. What to do, what to do?

"Fine." I don't sound pleased at all. "He can stay. But he's not sleeping in our bed anymore. This is our bed not his." And you're mind, I'm not going to share you with a stupid dog anymore. I lie back down and watch Faith smile this huge smile. It reminds me of how happy Dawn looked the one-year she got everything she asked for for Christmas. Faith leans down and kisses me but since I'm still a little mad I only kiss her back half-heartedly. It doesn't last long because Faith jumps off of the bed and runs off towards the back door.

I sigh a very displeased sigh. I've been looking forward to tonight since this afternoon. We had been sitting on the living room couch making-out like a couple of teenagers when Faith pulled back and looked at me with this mischievous glint in her eyes. She jumped off of the couch and told me she had some shopping to do and left without saying another word. I didn't get to see what she bought but I did see that it was in a Victoria's Secret shopping bag. Faith never wears any type of sexy underwear or lingerie even though I've been begging her to. Needless to say I'm dying to find out what the surprise is.

But now I can't believe Faith would rather let that dumb dog in our bedroom then make love to me. I'm feeling unwanted and it isn't a good feeling. I've already told her that I can't have sex with the dog in the room. Not only does he watch but the one time Faith actually made him get off the bed he kept jumping back up and tried to get in between us. She actually stopped and said we'd try again later. How fucked up is that? Normally she holds me when we sleep, it's when we try to be intimate when Tucker gets really possessive, and for the last two weeks or so he keeps trying to get in between us so that he'll be the only one touching Faith. I hate that dog.

"I thought you were letting the dog in?" I ask sounding more pissed off then when she left. I could care less about the dog but I thought I should ask, why? I don't know. I watch as Faith walks over to the closet and starts searching for something on the top shelf. I really hope it's the surprise and if it is I really hope she's going to wear a red teddy. Yep, Faith in a red teddy, the thought alone always gets me very wet.

"I put him in the training room." Smart, sound proofed walls and windows. He can bark all night and no one will hear him. "He can sleep on the couch tonight because I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes." She says in her seductive tone. So I do and then I hear the sound of a plastic bag ruffling around and then the sound of Faith's t-shirt dropping to the floor. I can smell Faith's arousal and it's only turning me on even more. "Alright B, open your eyes." So I do. What I see makes my blood rush a little faster, my heart beat a little quicker. Faith is wearing nothing but a black lace bra and black lace thong. Simple yet sexy and my mouth is watering at the thought of what this might lead to. By the end of the month I'll get her to wear a red teddy. Mark my words she'll willingly wear a red teddy.

Faith walks slowly over to the foot of the bed putting an extra sway to her hips. She raised her arms above her head, her knees bent and her whole body wiggles a little as if she's dancing to a sexy song or something. She crawls up the bed seductively slow and it reminds me of a jungle cat or something. She pulls back the covers and straddles my hips. She rests her hands on the back of her head to give me a better view. I reach up with both of my hands so I can rub her sides but she stops me.

"Ah, ah, ah B." She says and holds onto my hands. She guides them up to the headboard and wraps my fingers around two of the wooden poles. "This is a display only. Touching is strictly forbidden." At first I look offended, but then I decide to up my game a little and I give her one of my best pouts. "Use of the lip will get you nowhere." She chuckles and I pout some more but not because she won't let me touch her but because my pouting isn't working. I try to make myself look pathetic. I pout and conjured up some tears.

"But Faithy." I whine. I'm very well aware of my age but Faith has always made me feel young. I don't know how but whenever she gets playful, and not just like this but during the day and out in public, I feel like a teenager again. "You look so good and I wanna touch you. Please?" I make my voice sound a little baby-ish and Faith lightly laughs a little more. I watch in horror as she gets off of me. Maybe she changed her mind. I smile when I see that she's just turning out the lamp on her side of the bed. But then she starts going through the drawer of the bedside table. It's odd, at least I think it is. What's in there? It's not like we use toys. I don't like them, takes the romance out of it. I gulp and nervously lick my lips when I see her pull out the silk scarves. Sometimes when she's in a really feisty mood she likes me to tie her wrists to the bedposts. But I've never been tied up before.

"Don't be scared, B." I'm not scared, just nervous. "This isn't gonna hurt or nothin. Just a little insurance in case your hands try to wonder." Well that's not fair. She straddles me again and watching her body move makes all thought stop. She ties one scarf to each wrist and then the other end of the scarves to two of the poles. I'm a little confused. She tied me up before she took off my shirt. So how is she going to get it off? My question is quickly answered when she reaches down into the drawer of my bedside table and pulled out the scissors. "Lucky for you it's only a wife beater. I would've hated to see the yummy sushi go this way." Yeah I still wear my yummy sushi pajamas, don't judge me. Anyway, Faith cuts up the middle of my shirt and opens it up, revealing my torso. I gasp out when the cool air hits my warm skin. I feel my nipples tighten and Faith smiles widely. She carefully cuts the arm straps of the shirt. She put the scissors back and gently lifts my back off of the bed with one hand and pulls away the shirt with the other. She sits back down on my lap and gently strokes my stomach. I pout again.

"No fair." She smiles at the whiney sound in my voice. "You get to touch me." She gets this 'cat who ate the canary' grin and a very mischievous look in her dark eyes. Should I be afraid? I feel like I should be afraid but I'm not. I'm too aroused at the moment to really feel any other emotion. She sits up a little so she isn't sitting on my lap anymore. Our crotches are close though. I can feel the heat coming off in waves and I start to breathe a little harder.

"You wanna see me touch myself?" What? Did I hear her right? I guess so because she's rubbing her own stomach very gently, like little whisper touches. As I watch the little show I send a silent thank you to Willow for bringing me back from the dead. "God, B, I'm getting sooo wet." I gulp despite that my mouth is as dry as the Sahara. I watch as Faith's hands start to gently squeeze her breasts over the lace. She closes her eyes and rolls her head back, arching her out her upper body a little to give me a better view, and it is greatly appreciated.

"Faith." My voice is deep and husky with arousal. Also a little scratchy from the dryness. "Please, I wanna touch you." I groan in both pleasure and frustration when I feel Faith grind her hips downward rubbin g her crotch against mine, and shake her head no. If I don't get to touch Faith I'm sure I'll die. I grind my hips against hers and we start a slow rhythm, but it isn't enough, we both know it. "Please Faith. I need to touch you." And again she shakes her head no.

"Huh-uh B. I said no hands, at least not yet." Her eyes are still closed and I'm starting to grow beyond frustrated. "Just enjoy the show." Sure I'm enjoying it but it isn't enough. I groan out again when Faith's right hand starts to slowly snake its way down her body. She stops above her bellybutton and lightly stroke the skin there, wiping away some the sweat that's starting to emerge. She doesn't go lower so I groan and then she continues. And if this is the reward system I'll groan all the time. Faith's index finger starts to toy with the waistband of the new underwear. If this teasing is what happens when she dresses in sexy underwear for me then from now on she's wearing granny panties. I groan wanting Faith to either go further or untie me.

I start panting when Faith's hand goes passed the waistband and she cups her own dripping sex. She hisses in a breath and arches her back some more. She told me to watch the show and she sure is putting on a show. She starts to gently rub her clit with her two middle fingers and my eyes are glued on the movement. I can barely see through the lace, which is making this that much more frustrating. I grind my hips again, which causes Faith's fingers to press on the throbbing body part a little harder.

"Oh God, B." She moans out. She starts to gently grind against her own hand. Her rocking above me like this, her head thrown back in pleasure, the little beads of sweat slowly dripping their way down the hot skin, if I didn't thank Willow before for bringing me back I'd like to do that now. Then she looks at me, her eyes are dilated, and her breasts are slightly bouncing with her rocking motion. I don't think she's ever looked so beautiful. I'm about to voice that but she interrupts me. "How many, B? Two or three?" I'm not sure what she's asking. My mind is way too fuzzy with horniness to think so I say the word two, not really knowing what it means.

"Alrightie then." We both moan out at the same time when Faith enters herself with her two middle fingers. She throws her head back and starts to pump her hips against her hand a little quicker then before. I start to grind myself against her, which drives the digits deeper. Faith can't be quiet anymore, she is the talker after all, and it only makes me hornier. "Oh God, Buffy. This feels so good. Uh baby, oh God. I'm so close, just a little harder." So I grind my hips a little harder. "That's it, B. Oh God. Little faster." I happily comply. "Oh God yes. I'm gonna…Oh fuck! Buffy!" she yells out a little too loudly and I pray that she hasn't woken up our sleeping boy. She collapses on top of me and tries to get her breathing under control. She starts to shake a little and I hate the fact that I'm tied up for a completely different reason.

I quickly discovered in the beginning of our relationship that Faith is very…needy after sex. She was confused about it at first because she'd never been that way before. So we agreed that it's because we're not just having sex, we're making love and that's something that Faith hasn't done with anybody else. Afterwards she needs to be held, needs to feel safe and secure but because my hands are tied I can't exactly hold her right now. And it's not like I can just pull really hard on the scarves with some slayer strength, this headboard is brand new. But luckily Faith isn't feeling needy at the moment and quickly gets over the high without my help.

"I bet you're gushing those tasty juices out right now." Oh yeah, she's better then ok. She's back to feeling very mischievous. "Come on B, say it. You're dripping you want me so bad." I nod my head unable to form words I'm so wound up. I need some release or I'm going to die, simple as that. But Faith has others plans, and getting me to talk is one of them. She smiles and sits back up and looks into my eyes. That cocky smirk is back on her face. "Gotta do better then that, B. Tell me you're dripping for me." She starts to lightly stroke my stomach, those little whisper touches, and I start to pant even harder. I watch as she licks her lips and then leans down and takes one of my hard peaks into her mouth. I moan when she rolls my nipple inside her mouth. "'Ell me yer 'ipping." She tries to speak with my very hard nipple in her mouth. The vibrations go straight to my center and I start to desperately hump Faith's crotch, needing some type of release. I've never been a talker during sex, my mind just gets too cloudy and I can't make my voice box works. And she knows this. I hope she's having fun because this is torture for me.

"I'm…." I trail off. I'm distracted by Faith's hand that's toying with the waistband of my boxers. I start to pump my hips harder. If she doesn't stop teasing soon I'm going to flip her over and show her what a frustrated slayer looks like, new headboard be damned. I hear her say 'tell me' again and I make myself focus. "I'm dripping." Ha! I'm able to say it, I feel like I should get a reward for that, hurry up Faith. My breath hitches in my throat when I feel Faith's fingers start to slowly inch their way passed the waistband. If she doesn't hurry up soon I just might scream.

"Say 'for me'. Tell me you're dripping me for." God's she's being really controlling tonight. I'm so gonna get revenge. I try to slow my hips. Maybe if I stop acting so desperate then Faith will stop teasing. But it's hard not to act desperate when you really are desperate. I give up after about ten seconds and do as Faith requested. I still think it's a little strange. Faith isn't usually like this. Too much foreplay just isn't her thing, and this definitely qualifies as too much foreplay. I take in a deep breath and try to calm down.

"I'm dripping for you. It's for you. Please Faith, God, I need you so bad." That's the last thing I'm able to say. I moan and then gaps when Faith enters me with two fingers. The same two fingers that had been inside her and I can feel the coolness of the semi-dry juices. All thought flies out the fucking window as Faith continues to thrust into me. I almost scream in frustration when she pulls outta me. What the fuck does she think she's doing! I think I hear something crack, but I ignore it as I watch her intensely. She gets off me completely and I open my eyes. I didn't even know they were closed. I watch Faith reach over and pull off my boxers. I do my best to help but my hips are still pumping. She drops the boxers and then straddles me again. "N-no f-f-fair." I try to whine but it doesn't work very well and she looks at me with a confused look on her face. "I'm-m n-n-naked and you're n-n-ot. I watch her smile and hear the low chuckle. I want to know what so damn funny but at the same time I just want to come.

FPOV 

"I told you, Blondie, display only. I don't take 'em off until I've got my money's worth. This shit was more expensive then I thought it'd be." I tell her and I smile softly as she starts to wither under me. She really needs me, and knowing that she looks like she's dying just because she needs me to get her off, well, I can't really describe it but it's a good feeling. Instead of fucking her with my fingers like I was before I slowly start to crawl down her body. I leave soft kisses between her breasts, on her ribs, by her bellybutton, and on her abdomen right above the course hairs. I start to kiss the tops of her thighs, and she starts to moan a little louder and her hips moving is making this a little difficult so I reach up with both my hands and gently hold her down.

This is all revenge. Well, sort of. Ok, more like proving a point. This morning while I was making breakfast, Blondie here made a comment about me not bein able to tease or take things slow. I told her that I can but she didn't believe me. Do you believe me now B? And does she think that I fucked myself in front of her just to give her a show? Well, yeah a little, I like seeing the look on her face when she watches my body and it is rare that we do that kinda stuff in front of each other. But I mostly did it to satisfy myself a little so I'd be able to tease her longer then I normally would be able to. And I think it's working well, don't you?

I finally start to kiss the insides of her thighs, a good distance away from her creamy center and I don't plan on getting to that anytime soon. I could go on like this for the next hour or so and that's exactly what I plan on doing. I move my hands from her hips and place then over her abdomen and gently stroke the light brown hairs with my thumbs. I can feel her muscles quicker under my touch and her moaning gets a little louder. She starts whispering my name like a prayer and I have to fight to keep control to taking her right now. I know that she's close though, one maybe even three strong licks to her clit with a little slayer strength and she'll be screaming at the top of her lungs. We should really get this room sound proofed, little Mattie's gonna need so much therapy when he's older. And then an idea pops into my head and I smile wickedly against her skin. I stop what I'm doing and lean forward really quick so that my lips are right next to her ear. I can feel her grinding herself again my stomach now that I've let go of her and what she's doing is kind of distracting.

"How many, B, one, two or three?" I ask, my voice is all husky and deep, I can barely tell that it's mine. I watch her open her eyes. Damn, they're so dark, like a deep, deep green. I've never seen 'em like that before. She looks a little confused and it's cute as hell, and I ask again, "One, two or three?" I'm not sure if she knows exactly what I'm talking about. It's not likely. She probably thinks I'm talking about fingers like I was last time.

I hear a small tapping sound and look up at her hands. On her right hand she's holdin up three fingers. I smile very evilly and look back down. "Three?" She nods her head yes. I crawl back down her body and place myself between her legs, like I was before. Her legs are spread far, she's almost doing the splits completely, and her lips are already part, waiting for me to work my magic. I have a big ego, so what? Her clit is throbbing so hard and so fast I'm sure she's about ready to have a heart attack. But whatta way to go. I stick out my tongue as far as it'll go and place it over the pulsating muscle and gently press down.

"God, oh God!" she yells out. Yeah, we're definitely going to have to invest in some sound proofing material and get Xander over here to help me install it. Anyway, maybe it won't take three licks after all, I think she's going to come right now and I haven't even moved my tongue yet, it's just sitting there. I know I'm good, but damn. I slowly pull my head upward, dragging by tongue up her clit until only the tip is touching it. I close my mouth and swallow her heavenly juices. God, I could live off of this stuff. I put my tongue back on her just like I did before and she starts pumping against me even harder and I have to hold her down again. She's struggling though, trying to get my hands off of her so I hold her a little tighter, I know there're gonna be bruises. I drop my tongue up again making use to a little more pressure then the first time. She bucks her hips harder and I stop for a couple minutes until she's calm enough for me to continue.

For the third and final time, I place my tongue over her clit. I use the tip of my tongue to tease her entrance and she starts buckin her whole, the heels of her feet are diggin into my back and even though it hurts a little there's no place I'd rather be right now. So, I press my tongue against her using a lot of slayer strength. I slowly inch my head up using more and more power as I go. I was only halfway up when I feel her explode. The sticky come shoots out of her, making a huge mess all over the bed, not to mention my new bra. And by the way, this lace shit is overrated, it itches like hell. I look down at the bed and at my chest and we're both covered in her nectar. This has gotta be a record or somethin. No one's ever come that hard before. I start to clean up the mess off of her with my mouth. I drink down the sticky sweetness like there's no fucking tomorrow. The juices just keep flowing, like a river right after a heavy rain, and I'm havin a hard time keeping up.

"Damn, B. Want me to get ya some water? You're probably dehydrated or somethin." There's no answer, not even one of her husky laughs that she does if I say something funny after she comes. "B?" Again, no answer. I'm getting a little worried now. Maybe I broke her? How I'm gonna explain this one to her friends: 'Oh sorry Willow Buffy can't go shopping with you today. Why? Well she had this huge mind blowing orgasm last night and now she can't move or talk, just stares up at the ceiling. Yeah, I'll have her give ya a call when she's better.' Somehow I don't think that'd go over too well. "Buffy?" I ask again, getting serious. I look up and she's passed out.

I'm glowin with pride now. I actually made her pass out. That's only happened once before. I sit up and carefully untie her wrists. I notice that the poles are cracked a little bit and I know that tomorrow she's going to be pissed. But I made her pass out, how cool is that? I put the scarves away and turn off the lamp that's still on. I get up and take off the underwear and then slip my t-shirt back on. I walk over to the dresser and pull out another one and carefully put it on her, just in case Mattie wakes up and comes in here. I'm not tired, need food. So I go into the kitchen to heat up that alphabet soup.


	3. First Day Insecurities

**Three Weeks Later.** FPOV

"Buffy." Oh, she knows I'm serious, she's just pretending not to notice. "This isn't right." And it's not. This is cruel, and I can't believe she's making me do this. "We can't just leave him here. Look, he's so sad." I know I sound desperate and probably a little crazy but I don't care. I look through the fence again and then back at Blondie. She seems fine, how can she be so damn calm about this? I'm a wreck and Buffy is acting like it's nothing, how? Isn't she supposed to be the one with all the girly emotions?

"Faith, he's fine." She says like she knows I'm starting to panic, like it's no big deal and I'm overreacting. I so am not. If anything, she's underreacting. Is that even a word? "He's not sad. See, he's even waving goodbye. Bye Matthew, have fun!" She yells out to our boy and he waves at us, I wave back sadly and he turns back to his new friends and continues to play. First day of kindergarten and I feel like I'm dying inside. My best friend, partner in crime, co-conspirator in driving Buffy crazy…my son is just perfectly ok with us leaving him here.

He actually pushed us out the door to try and get a blubbering me out of the room so I wouldn't embarrass him. What kind of shit is that? Isn't he supposed to be crying and wanting to stay home with us? Sure he's played with other kids before and been babysat by Dawn and Willow and her girlfriend, but we've never left him with a stranger before, so why is he so calm, why does he look so happy? "Ok, you big softy, let's go. I have some shopping that I need to get done." How is she ok with this?

We went to the mall. I'm grumbling and dragging my feet a little because I hate shopping, especially since that little 'adventure' I had at that lingerie store, but we won't talk about that. Buffy's still fine. She even has me holding her purse, which is totally embarrassing and a rep killer. I hear her say something about swimsuits and she starts to drag me off in the direction of the bathing suits. Maybe this will be fun after all, if I can convince her to model them for me.

We weave in and out between some clothes racks. Apparently cutting through a different section is a short cut or somethin. She stops cold and I bump into her back. I'm about to say something but then I see what she's lookin at. It's this little suit, small enough for a boy around four or five. It's tan, with a little light blue button up shirt, and a little red with white striped tie. It's for Easter or church or a wedding or some occasion like that, and it's adorable, I'll admit. I watch as she reaches out and runs her fingertips over the little tie. I'm still touching her, and I can feel her muscles start to tense up. So maybe she isn't as ok with leaving him as I thought.

"Wouldn't Matthew look so handsome in this?" she asks, her voice is strained and I know she's fighting against a lump in her throat. Even though I want to dance a little victory dance because I'm not the only soft one, I know I can't, at least not now. So I wrap my arms around her waist and she leans against me. I feel a tear fall down and land on my arm. I slowly turn her around and she's doing the best she can to stay strong, she's my little fighter alright, but the tears and emotions are stronger then her stubbornness. At least something is. Ok, I shouldn't be sarcastic right now. My baby girl is hurting, and the only time I've ever been able to stand there and do nothing about it, even cause it, was when I was all crazy, and I'm not anymore. I reach up and slowly wipe away the tears with the back of my left hand. My other hand is busy rubbing her back softly. She whimpers a little and I pull her close to me.

"We just left him there. How could we just leave him there?" she asks, her words are almost incomprehensible, but I know what she's saying. Her bottom lip is quivering and she swallowing hard, probably to try and fight down the lump in her throat. She isn't breathing and she's starting to turn a little blue. I'm praying that she doesn't have a big melt down here in the middle of the store. I hug her tightly and she's softly crying, I can tell she's holding back. Her shoulder and back muscles are so tight I think they're gonna snap. Getting out of here right now would be good. I turn her around and lean her up against my side. She's clinging onto me how I imagined little Mattie would this morning, and I lead her to the front of the store. We get many odd looks from the other shoppers and from a couple of employees. I fight down the urge to tell them to go fuck themselves because Buffy being upset is none of their business and if they wanna stare are something then they can watch my fist as it hits their face.

As soon as she sits down in the front seat of the car, well Buffy's car. She got a sedan 'cause it's safe, and I got a Camaro along with a Ninja motorcycle for the speed. And chicks love the car. Anyway, as soon as she sat down in the seat she started bawling. I have no clue what to do. I've never really seen her this upset before. Well, after she gave birth she went through postpartum depression or whatever, but that was a hormone thing, there was nothin I could do to help. But I have to try because she's my girl and seeing her so upset is starting to freak me out a little. We've been going through the 'when you hurt I hurt, when you're happy I'm happy' stage for about…let's see…six years now, maybe a little longer. Not only that but we can feel each other's emotions and physical condition when they're really strong because of our slayer connection. When she was squeezing that kid out of her I thought I was gonna die. I don't know how she survived.

"Shh, baby. He'll be alright. You saw him when we left, he was happy, and having fun. He made some friends and the teacher will take care of him." She doesn't look convinced. I can't tell if it's because the sound of my voice, which is totally the opposite of what I'm saying. Or maybe it's just because she doesn't believe me. He was making friends. He seemed to be the popular one of the group, even had those other little kids laughing at some jokes, which I pray where appropriate 'cause the last thing we need right now is a call from the teacher saying he's a gutter mouth. It's the part about the teacher that she's doesn't believe, and neither do I. He's only ever been taken care of by our family, we've never trusted him with strangers. Hell, even leaving him with Kennedy worried me at first because I didn't now the girl very well at the time. She spoils him rotten though and he milks her for all she's worth.

"But what if he's not alright?" Again with the sobbing, it's making her really hard to understand. "What if the teacher is a demon or something? What if one of those kids is like a demon hybrid and they hurt him?" Oh, don't even go there, B. She's starting to freak me out now. But I need to stay calm. I know that she's just worried. He'll be fine. We checked out the school, had Willow had into the school's records and teacher's personal files, and from what we found out none of them are demons. Can't tell about the kids though, there are a couple of single parents with kids in his class, maybe a demon raped them or something and then left them to raise its evil spawn? Ok Faith, Buffy's words are just fucking with your mind. Just breathe and everything will be ok.

"Buffy." She's staring at the dashboard and running her fingers through her long hair. "Buffy look at me." It takes her a minute but she finally composes herself and looks over at me. Her eyelashes are thick and wet, her nose is red along with her eyes, and I can't help but think she's the cutest woman alive. So I've gone soft, wanna make something of it? 'Cause I'll whop your ass if you do. "Buffy, we checked out the school, it's a nice place. All of the teachers have a good record, nothing criminal, and they know how to handle kids. I'm not sure about the other little rugrats, but Mattie can hold his own. He doesn't have all that slayer strength and speed for nothin'."

Finding out that was a blast, yeah right. Mattie barely hit Dawn in the nose and it broke, he was only six months. Apparently if you get a child of two slayers, they're born a slayer, no training required. He watched me and B spar one day and mimicked the moves, had 'em down perfect, but we don't encourage him to be violent or to use his powers 'cause he's enough trouble now as it is. He will use his speed though, when he's running away from Buffy when it's bedtime, and she's trying to change him into his pjs. He runs around the house half nude and she's chasing after him, yelling out his name and he laughs like it's the funnies thing in the world. And it might be just that.

"Look." Maybe I should try a different approach. "It's a half day today, so he gets out in." I look down at my watch. Wow, is it really only nine in the morning? "Three hours. So why don't we go back into the store and head to the bathroom so you can wash your face 'cause of the tears." Wow, close call. She looked at me like she was gonna kill me. She's very sensitive about her looks nowadays. "And we do a little shopping." I know what'll cheer her up. "And, I'll even model some swimsuits for you, if it'll make you feel better?" She doesn't look much better. She's smiling a little, like me modeling swimsuits is just so unbelievable. I've done it before, just not for her. But we don't need to go into that right now.

"God, I'm such a pansy. I felt like I was dying back at the school. I don't know how I managed. I guess seeing you so upset sort of helped me." At least my pain is good for something. "Sorry, that sounds really bad, I know. Can we just go home? I don't' feel like having everyone stare at me when I if I got back in there." Stupid fuckin gawkers. I should go in there and give them a piece of my mind. She sense that I'm pissed about that. "Faith, please, let's just go." She sounds so small. I haven't heard her sound like that since the First was attacking and she was stressin like mad. After the little potentials kicked her out I followed her out to the porch. She told me to lead them and I went back inside. I knew I couldn't leave it like that so I tracked her down after making a plan with Giles.

When I found her she sounded so exhausted, so tiny. That was the first time I realized that Buffy isn't just **the** slayer, she was scared twenty-two-year-old, who was afraid that she would die, her family would die and everyone had turned their backs on her. I think it was right then that I swore to myself I would 'pull an Angel'. Ya know, shadow her around to make sure she's ok. But then she took off before I woke up and we ended up dating so the whole shadowing her around thing wasn't really necessary since I was with her most of the time.

I start the car and pull out of the parking lot. She still has some tears running down her face and she's wiping them away. I can tell she's a little embarrassed. All these years together and she still doesn't like to cry in front of people. It isn't so bad with me because she knows she can trust me and count on me to do anything I can to make it better. I'm her girlfriend, her lover. We open up to each other a lot. Even me, shocking I know. The point, she's a little more comfortable crying in front of me then she is in front of her friends and Dawn. But just because she's comfortable doing it doesn't mean that she likes to. She doesn't like to show weakness so when she does she tries to cover it up. But there's no hiding from me, I know better.

I pull into the driveway and shut off the car. Neither of us makes a move to get out. That's weird, I'm usually the first one out of the car. I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn to face her. She's starting at the dashboard again, she has this far off look in her eyes, but she seems to be doing better, like she's remembering a happy memory. The corners of her mouth are starting to turn up a little bit, and I have to ask: "Whatta thinking?" She's been on my ass to improve my grammar. Something about me being twenty-eight and I need to stop talking like I did when I was a teenager, but whatever.

"I know it never really happen because it was made by the monks, but I remember Dawn's first day of kindergarten. I was in sixth grade and we went to the same elementary school. I remember at recess I snuck into the playground that was just for the kindergarteners to make sure that she was ok. She was so shy and scared and she hadn't made any friends yet. She clung onto me and told me that I needed to stay with her because next year I would be going off to the middle school and I wouldn't be there to teach her how to take care of herself when she reaches first grade. We sat at the swings for a while until she finally calmed down. She cried a little when they told me to leave but I had to or else they would've called our mom.

"And everyday for two weeks I'd stand at the fence that separated the two playgrounds and watch her play and make friends. The first time I saw her fall and skin her knee I almost freaked but she stood up and brushed it off like it was nothing. By the end of the second week she said she was fine and she didn't need me to look out for her anymore." At the beginning of the story her voice was light and almost happy, but now it's sad and I know that there's some type of deeper meaning to all of this and not just a memory that some monks cooked up a few years ago. "What happens when Mattie doesn't need us anymore? He was so fine with us leaving him there this morning, what if he doesn't need us at all anymore?" She doesn't cry again like I thought she was going to. I lean over and wrap my arms around her. She hugs me back, and it's getting a little hard to breathe her grip is so tight.

"Buffy, he's only five, he still needs us. So he likes going off to school? That's a good thing. It means that when he's older and needs to face the world by himself he'll be able to. Pushing us out the door was a little…harsh, but he's still a momma's boy. I bet when we pick him up from school he'll be so happy to see you he'll shed a couple a tears." I make sure that my voice is light and a little playful at the end. She chuckles a little which was the desire effect. I'm glad that I can make her laugh when she's feeling bad like this. God, do all parents go through this when they send their kids off to school for the first time?

BPOV

Our little boy doesn't need us anymore. He pushed us out of the room because we, well Faith, were embarrassing him. We're an embarrassment now. I thought that wasn't supposed to happen until like, middle school or something? I'm starting to rethink this whole school thing. I mean, how much does a kid learn in kindergarten anyway? Ok, so it is important and I'm the one that had to convince Faith that it was a good idea, but I just can't help it. Maybe I would be doing better if he had cried a little, or begged us to stay. My little boy doesn't need his mommy, this is a sad day.

We get out of the car and Faith is being very considerate of my girly feelings. She's opening doors for me, showing me through her actions that she really does care. As soon as I get out of the car I can hear that stupid dog barking. It isn't his normal 'this is my house so if you're a stranger stay away' type of bark. It's higher pitched, almost whiney. Tucker misses Matthew too. That's the bark that he uses when Matthew goes over to Willow and Kennedy's on Thursdays when Faith and I go grocery shopping. God, how did my mom do this twice? I was always the more independent out of Dawn and me so I sucked it up and took the pain in silence. But Dawn bawled her eyes out when my mom left her in that classroom. The tantrum didn't last more then five minutes after my mom left but I still had to make sure she was ok.

We go into the house and I sit down on the living room couch. I kick off my shoes and put my feet up on the coffee table. Call me a hypocrite, I don't care. I hear her put the car keys in the little dish that's on the little end table by the door. That's also where we put our mail and stuff and now that I'm thinking about it maybe we should put our mail right next to the door. Oh well. I can't just sit here, I need to do something, to keep my mind busy. The thought of my baby alone, well not alone, but with strangers in a new place and wanting him mommies to come and get him, is starting to drive me insane. Let's see, what's something that needs to be done around the house that I've been putting off? I don't know.

It's not like I have a job to go to, the Council's never-ending funds have been supporting us since the fall of Sunnydale. Once Giles got the new Council set up in Cleveland and pulled out all the money he would need for a while he gave the Scoobies controlling interest of the money. At first we wanted to be a little greedy, go big, buy huge apartments in expensive cities, but we couldn't do that. Giles might need more money for the Council and little slayers in training. We take what we need, and sure there's the occasional shopping spree but we keep it under control. Willow and Kennedy aren't taking any at all because Kennedy's parents are fucking loaded and even though Willow would rather not, they're living off of Kennedy's dad's money.

So the only ones really using it is Xander, Faith and myself. Xander has a nice house not far from here. He met this nice woman named Katie. They've been married for about three years now, and have a kid on the way. I couldn't happier for him. We see him at least once a week. I try to have a Sunday night dinner where all of the scoobies, excluding Giles 'cause he lives a couple states over, get together and share what's been going on. It doesn't happen every week, more like every other. I understand that we have our own lives now and we don't need to be in contact every single day because of all the slayers running around to take care of things. But it's still nice to see them.

I know that Willow has a job. Nothing much, just something for her to do to keep her restless mind busy. After she did that spell to activate the little slayers, it's sort of hard to explain. It's almost like she became a demigod or something, at least in the way of magic. She has this white streak of hair kind of like the Rouge character from X-men, and yes we do tease her about it, especially Dawn. Anyway, she got the magic completely under control, and when I say control I don't mean that she's no longer addicted or she no longer has problems with spells. I mean she has all of the magic on earth right at her fingertips to command whenever she wants. She doesn't get power hungry, like she did when Tara left. She's above all that now, it's like it doesn't even affect her, like it's just some tool that she uses whenever she needs. And she doesn't need to cast a spell, it's like there's this permanent 'will be done spell' going on with her, only without the disgusted consequences.

Dawn has a boyfriend, she's been living with him for the last two years. His name is Kyle. I don't like Kyle. I really, really don't like Kyle. Ok, so maybe it's a big sister thing, but I don't think I'm ever going to really like the boy that's fucking my sister. Color me crazy, but I just don't think the boy and me will ever be on good terms. Whenever they come over I make sure he damn well knows who's in charge, even if he does feel a little uncomfortable. Dawn gets mad, says that I'm an overprotective freak and I need to learn how to control my territorial slayer side. But this has nothing to do with the slayer. This is all sisterly.

Let's see, who else haven't I talked about? Well, Andrew I guess, although he isn't really apart of the scooby gang. He stops by every once in a while and Matthew has fun teasing him and picking on him. It's like they're both little kids, even though one of them is pushing thirty. But it's good that Matthew has a guy that he can hang out with sometimes. There are too many girls around and I'm afraid that it's going to damage him psychologically or something. That he isn't going to learn how to be a boy and act like a boy. Sure Xander comes around a lot, but Matthew doesn't really like Xander that much. I don't know why. They just don't get along very well. I think it's because Matthew takes too much after Faith, but Faith and Xander get along great. I don't know.

Even though I don't like Kyle he and Matthew get along great, and I hate it. Matthew gets really excited whenever Kyle comes over, and they hang out and play with Matthew's toys. Kyle is a good influence. He has a good job, he's gone to college and graduated at the top of his class. He treats Dawn with respect, that girl couldn't be anymore in charge if she were a prison guard, at least that's what Faith said. He likes spending time with Matthew and puts up with him whenever he comes over. Having a five-year-old shadow you around and not leave you alone for three hours can get really irritating. So even though I don't like Kyle, I still have some respect for him because he's great to my son.

"Thinkin about Kyle again?" Faith asks as she sits down on the couch next to me. I have a tell so whenever I think about him people know. I guess I always- "You get this look on your face like you're gonna puke whenever you think about him. Look, I know you don't like the fact that he and Dawn are…." She trails off. Oh you better put it nicely. I think that's why she's pausing, so she can say something that won't come out vulgar and make me want to hit her. Because my emotions are so fried right now I think I just might. "Sexually active." Going for the textbook terms, she only does that when she knows she has to be good. "But he's good for her. He kept her in check when her drinkin was gettin a little outta control and he loves her to death. Just be happy that she didn't end up with some loser who's using her for her body." I hate it when she makes a good point. As the 'girl' of this relationship I like to always be right.

I shift my weight on the couch. I really need to do something or I think I might go crazy. I look over at the clock on the wall above the television. It's almost ten o' clock. This is when Faith and I would normally take Matthew to the park to play with the other preschool kids who have housewife mothers. It was nice, Faith and I met a lot of nice people that way and Matthew gained some social skill so he wouldn't be completely blindsided when he started school.

I wonder how he's doing. He's an only child, obviously, so he isn't used to sharing toys and stuff like that. What if he gets into a fight with another little kid and gets a bad reputation as the selfish kid? He does take after Faith and a lot of her actions are misinterpreted, and she had a bad rep. Ok, well mostly because when we first met and she was telling her stories she made herself sound like a whore, but whatever. I need to calm down before I go insane.

I look over at Faith when I see her move. She's scooting a little closer to me and I take a glance at her body, checking her out. We have never been able to keep our eyes off each other's body. Well, at least not most of the time. What I see in her hand though makes my blood boil in one of the worst ways. I'm not going to start yelling even though I should. I'm going to stay calm because I don't think I could handle a fight right now. I'm not going to just sit here and say nothing. And I know that isn't soda in that glass, I can smell it from here. I look away from her because I know that if I look into her eyes I'll start screaming. I know what the look on her face is going to be. A look of mock-innocence and a 'what did I do?' sort of look. So instead of screaming at her I look up at the clock again and star at the thin clicking hand counting down the seconds.

"It's not even noon Faith." Oh there's anger and venom in my voice. You better believe it. "And you promised me you were going to quit, remember?" She did, she promised me. Matthew was only four months old at the time. We were still trying to adjust to the baby and moving into our new house. My baby had a fever and was crying non-stop for six hours. I did everything I could think of to calm him down. I got cool rags and dabbed his forehead to make sure he wasn't overheating. I walked around with him, I sung to him, I fed him, but he just wouldn't stop. And I was all alone because Faith had gone out that night. She didn't tell me where she was going, just that she'd be back in a little while, but I knew.

She came home at around two thirty in the morning, not completely wasted but a little tipsy. I was stressed and my nerves were completely fried and I really needed her help, ya know, her moral support to let me know that I'm not the only one who's raising the baby. But because she had been drinking all she wanted to do was go to bed to get away from the noise. We got into a huge fight. And when I say huge, I mean huge. We were screaming at the top of our lungs, things were thrown, and a glass was broken. She was the one who broke the glass. It had been sitting on the end table next to the couch and threw it against the wall. When it shattered a piece came flying back and cut Matthew on the arm. It wasn't a serious cut or anything, just a little scratch, but she was the one who did it.

Matthew starting screaming again at the top of his lungs, it must have stung really bad or something. I picked him up out of the little swing and tried to calm him down. I wiped the blood off of his arm, not a whole lot just enough to leave a very thin cover over the fingertips of my three middle fingers. I held it up for Faith to see and she just stared at it. Her face paled and her eyes went wide, like she's never seen blood before. I've seen that look before, but we won't go into that right now. I said something to her, something like: "see what you did? If you weren't drunk you wouldn't have done this. He's our baby now grow the fuck up and act like a mother", but I can't be sure exactly what I said. I concentrated on the boy while she went off somewhere in the house. I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up the next morning she was making breakfast. After I fed the baby I sat down at the kitchen table with her and she promised me she'd never drink again. I knew she wasn't lying because she was looking me straight in the eyes and she had some tears in hers. So the fact that she's now holding a glass full of…some type of alcohol is really pissing me off right now.

"That's true, but it's not for me. It's for you. You look like you could really use a drink." Oh my God! She just doesn't know when to back off does she? Ok, I love that she's concerned and she's trying to help but she knows that I don't drink anymore and that she shouldn't drink anymore if she knows what's good for her. When she promised me that she'd stop I told her that if she ever drank again, even just one little sip I'd kick her ass all the way back to the crater that's Sunnydale. And I know she doesn't doubt that. I didn't mind her drinking before I got pregnant because she had it under control. She'd go out and only have three beers, or two really hard drinks, but never anymore then that and never a combination of the two. But we had agreed that for the sake of the baby we'd swear off alcohol and she broke that.

"I don't want one, you know I don't drink. And how long have you been drinking again? Where's the bottle?" Yep, I'm really pissed off now. It's like all of that energy that was being used to worry has now shifted and is used for being super pissed off. I chance a glance over at Faith and I can see that she looks a little hurt. She'd only look like that if I had accused her of something she didn't do. Ok, so she hasn't been drinking but where did the bottle come from, and how long has it been in my house?

"It's on the top shelf in the garage behind the cans of paint." At least she's being honest with me. At least I think she is. Yeah, the guilty look on her face means she's being honest. "It's been there for a while. I haven't had any of it, cracked the seal just for you. I bought it just in case." Great, not this again. We went through some troubles about a year ago. We were fighting a lot, and not just little arguments I mean full out screaming matches. She slept on the couch most of that year. I finally reached a breaking point and kicked her out. She was gone for three months, she moved in with Xander and his wife. She saw Matthew on the weekends, Xander would pick him up on Friday and bring him back Sunday afternoon. Apparently she was hitting the booze really hard during the week but sobered up for the weekends. What she meant when she said 'just in case' is: "just in case you kick me out, this way I don't have to go to the store to buy a bottle."

"Faith, honey." Did I just call her honey? That's a first. Don't get me wrong, we have little pet names for each other, but honey? Way too cliché. "We went through a rough patch, that's all. No relationship is perfect. We learned and grew from that bad time and if we ever do hit another rough patch we'll work through it together." My voice is soft because I know thinking about that really awful year always gets her depressed.

I reach over and take the glass from her and set it down on the coffee table and then wrap by arms around her and pull her close. She snuggles into me and I lean back against the arm of the couch so that we're half sitting up, sort of. She's a little tense. I can feel her muscles tighten a little more. I leave a small kiss on those red lips of hers. We sit there in silence as I rub her back and side. I'm keeping my eye on the clock, and I know that she's glancing at it every once in a while, because when she sees that it still isn't time to get ready to leave she'll sigh heavily and nuzzle my neck with her nose.

FPOV

Finally eleven thirty rolls around. It takes a good twenty minutes to get to the school, so we're leaving a little early in case we hit traffic. But we're probably going to be late because miss girly has to get ready. I was ready five minutes ago. I gave myself a once over in the mirror, touched up my make-up, tossed on my jacket, grabbed the car keys and now I'm standing by the front door impatiently shifting my weight from one foot to the other. I love Buffy, really I do, I die protecting her any day, but sometimes she can be such a…girl. It can get very frustrating. She takes half an hour to get ready and that's if she already has her shoes picked out. Don't even get me started with the shoes.

I know why she wants to look nice though. She wants to make a good impression and I don't blame her. We didn't get to meet any of the other parents this morning when we dropped Mattie off because I was blubbering like an idiot so we had to leave early. We know that the school has a good reputation, good teachers, the students aren't violent except for the occasional fight, kids will be kids, but we don't know what the parents are like. And we don't know if they are any parents that are like us. We really don't want Mattie to be given a hard time by the other little rugrats just because he has two mommies. Well, a mommy and a mama. He's the one who decided to call us by different names, not us. But I guess it works out better, this way there's no confusing when he's calling out for one of us.

"Buffy would ya hurry up, we're going to be late!" I yell and run my hand through my hair. I've been thinking about getting it cut, spice things up a little. Its gotten long, really long, like almost down to my hips long. Buffy loves it because when she couldn't find the silk scarves one time she just used my hair to tie me up. So I like to be dominated every once in a while? Don't fucking judge me. Anyway, she tied the knots too tight and they were a bitch to get untangled and she's been teasing me about it ever since. So I have a sensitive scalp and my eyes watered when she accidentally pulled too hard, so what? That doesn't make me a sissy. Finally miss royalty walks out of the bathroom. She's carrying her purse, I really hate that thing, and she looks a little exited. I am too, I can't help it. We're getting our boy back.

Ok, I know I shouldn't be thinking like that. He's going to school, which is good. He's going to learn and make friends and all of that other shit, but I can't help it that I miss having him around. I mean, you spend five years being around him, spending almost every day with him you kind of get used to it. More then kind of. Like right now, for example, we'd be at the park watching him play with the other kids and when he gets bored we always take a little stroll down the jogging trail together, just the three of us because the joggers don't come out until a little later.

We talk and laugh and B and me will end up swapping a little spit and he'll make a gross face and say something about it, and I chase after him, and since we're in a large open area he can use some of that good ol' slayer speed. He gives me a good run for my money, but since I have way longer legs it isn't hard to catch him. And when I do I'll twirl around and he laughs and laughs and suddenly I really hate the idea of him going to school five days out of the week for six hours. I mean, how much is he going to learn in kindergarten anyway?

"I'm ready. God you're so impatient." Did I prove that she's the impatient one a couple weeks ago? Oh well, no use bringing that up or else she'll just bring up the whole hair pulling incident and no need for that. My pride is way too sensitive today, what with crying like a baby and everything. I open the door for her and smiles and nods a little thank you. I'm very polite that way, and she loves it. She's in the car by the time I get the door locked or else I woulda opened the car door for her too. She thinks I can be a little too suffocating that way, says she needs her space and she can do things on her own, that she isn't just some damsel in distress, but I catch her smiling whenever I act like the gentleman.

We take Buffy's car even though I protested a little. I really don't like driving the sedan, but I just can't be a passenger in a car. If I'm going to die in a car accident I want it to be at my own hand. Very morbid I know, but whatever. I drive like a fuckin maniac when it's just me but I'm always paranoid as hell whenever I have other people in the car, especially B and Mattie. If I caused an accident, even if it was nothing more then an accident and nothing could have been done to stop it, and one of 'em got really hurt I don't know how I'd live with myself. But when it's just me I'm petal to the fucking metal. I've calmed down a little then what I used to be because I really don't want B to be a single mom. I don't know if she'd be able to learn how to live without me and adjust to all of the responsibility. And I don't even want to think about little Mattie growing up and not knowing who is 'daddy' was. Just the thought is starting to freak me out a lot.

I sigh very heavily and Buffy looks over at me. I guess she thinks I'm worried about meeting the other parents or something. She reaches over and starts to stroke my hair and I calm down. Like I said I have a very sensitive scalp and a gentle touch can calm me down within seconds. Oh great, I'm nothing more then a big pussycat. I roll my eyes at the thought and stop at the red light. I really can't take this silence thing that we have going on. Normally we talk whenever I drive us somewhere or we carry on a conversation with Mattie from his booster seat in the back, but for some reason we're both quiet. We're both nervous I guess. Which is even weirder, Buffy talks almost non-fucking-stop when she's nervous. Her babbling could put Willow to shame and I've seen that woman turn blue from talking so much in one damn breath.

"Don't worry. I'm sure he'll come running up to you and jump into your arms. He always runs to you first whenever we pick him up from somewhere. Although I can't imagine why," she says and smiles a little. I shake my head and try to see around the car in front of us. What is taking so damn long? We've been here for like three minutes already. Is that a long time to be a red light? How long does a person normally spend at a red light anyway? Is there an average I can look up somewhere so I know if we've been here for too long? Hmm. I take this opportunity to flip through the CD wallet I have in the car and put in my Godsmack CD. We both like the band and that's why I picked them because almost nothing is more annoying then trying to listen to music and having someone complain the entire time that they hate it. I start tapping my fingers along to the beat of 'Sick of Life' and Buffy starts singing along, very horribly I might add. But I don't say anything because I don't want to start a fight.

She reaches over and takes my right hand off of the steering wheel and entwines our fingers together. I look over at her wondering what the hell she's doing. She hates it when I drive one handed, says it isn't safe, so why is she doing this? Oh well, I guess I'll just roll with it 'cause she has this look in her eyes like maybe later on we could get up to some mischief. The last time she looked at me like that we ended up having sex Willow's bathroom while she and Kennedy checked the house out. They hadn't bought it yet they were still looking. But still, whenever she gets that look in her eyes it means she's thinking of a place we could get into a little trouble. I like the way she thinks, I really do. At least when it's something I agree with, her taste in movies I can live without.

Finally the light turns green and we start moving. She starts skipping forward to reach her favorite song on this CD. I don't really like it a whole lot. It reminds me too much of Sunnydale when I accidentally killed that guy. But she loves it and is singing along to it right now. I've told her how I feel about this song but she says that it's all in the past and we need to move forward. I don't mean to be a bitch, but she still hasn't gotten over her hospital fear, doesn't that count as living in the past? I take in a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I really don't like this song.

"'I don't know how to love. I just know how to live. All I feel is hate. Will you forgive me? I don't know how to breathe, with you too far away. Don't know how to love. Will you forgive me?' Faith look out!" she yells and I swerve. Almost drove up on the fucking sidewalk. God, I really, really, really hate that song. She seems to pick up on that and puts in a different CD. Now why didn't I think of putting in Seether instead of having to sit through that horrid song? The school comes into view and all of the bad thoughts ago away because in a couple of minutes we'll have our boy back.

When we pull into the school parking lot she's practically bouncing in her seat, and if I didn't know any better I'd think she'd need ta pee. I feel just like her on the inside but I'm keeping my cool about it. I already made a jackass out of myself this morning in that classroom, now it's time to redeem myself. Even though I was upset I saw a couple of the single, newly divorced fathers checkin B out, and I'm going to tell them know that she's damn well taken. We don't really act like a couple out in public, and many people think that we're just friends so whenever I feel like my territory is being threatened I have to make sure that I mark it. Great, now I sound like some jealous dog. Oh-fucking-well.

"Come on Faith, hurry up." She's mocking me now because I was rushing her before we left. I just know she is mocking me. She's standing by her door waiting for me to hurry my ass up. I guess I zoned out there for a few seconds. I shut the car off and get out. She waits for me to round the car and then she starts walking next to me. As we get closer to the playground I entwine our fingers together. She gives my hand a gentle squeeze and we walk through the gate. We can hear the little rugrats all the way from out here, and the classroom is like thirty feet away. Either they're that loud or our hearing is that good. Probably a mix of both. The door is open and we see the other parents before the kids. Apparently all the little ones are in the sitting area or something like that, and the grown ups are waiting in the little cubby area. I never thought in a million years that me – Faith the badass slayer, I do what I want fuck you if you don't like it – would ever use the word 'cubby'.

We walk through the door and the first thing I do is take a survey of it. I look over and spot Mattie sitting at a little table with four other kids, paying attention to something the teacher is talking about. Ms. Honey, swear to God that's her real last name, is telling them about the proper way they leave the room at the end of the day. Apparently they've been split into six separate groups, and from the little name tags on the six little tables the groups are named after barnyard animals. I squint a little and see that he's in the 'cow' group. Oookay. I think that teacher might be a little nutty.

The second thing I do is take a look at the other parents. Those single dads are looking at both B and me, but mostly B, which isn't surprising. We've both aged well and while I'm still sexy and hot in that wild way, she's different, like always, she's beautiful, radiant. When someone looks at me they think I'm a total fuck an' run, how I used to be. Use 'em and loose 'em. But with B, she's the kind of girl you wanna take home to mom. Ok, I'm fucking rambling. And I think I need to go out to a club and have a wild night 'cause I really think I've gotten tame. Looks like Dawn lost that little bet after all. Yeah I know about that, I've known for a while now. I heard Buffy talking about it with Willow. I can't believe it was only twenty bucks, I would have bet fifty minimum.

Anyway, just to show those guys who's boss I wrap my arm around Buffy's waist and casually slip my thumb through the front left belt loop of her jeans. She looks at me a little funny but then looks over at the other parents and sees the stares she's getting and she accepts what I'm doin. I start to send off glares at the single guys staring at **my** girl, I can't stress enough that she's mine, and most of the guys look away. Even if she teases me for getting jealous she likes that I get protective because five bucks says one of those dads is going to ask her out in the near future, and if it weren't for my little acts of jealousy and possessiveness it'd be a lot more then just one.

Even with me all wrapped around her like this and her leaning against me there's still this one guy who's eyeing her. He's not even trying to hide it. What a fucking asshole. If we weren't in front of like twenty little kids I'd punch him in his fucking head. I get a little tense and tighten my grip on her. This bastard has no fucking respect at all. And I'm judging this solely on the fact that he just fucking looked me dead in the eyes gave me this little smirk and now he's eyein my girl again. This guy isn't coming anywhere near her without me being there and he's going to know it right fucking now. I resist the very strong urge to lean over and start kissing her exposed neck. When we go out, very rare but it happens, to this one really bumpin club that's what I usually end up doin to warm all of those twenty somethin year old guys that I'm the only one goin home with her. Ok, I've gotten almost completely off topic. I think I might have A.D.D.

So anyway, there're more then just single dads and moms in the room. They're couples, just none of them are same sexed. I really hope that we're not the only ones in here who are involved in a 'non-conventional' relationship. I may say that I don't care what people think about me, that I'm gonna do what I want and fuck everyone who has a problem with it, but I really don't want all of these other little kids to pick on Mattie just because he's the only boy in the class who doesn't have a mom and a dad. Kids can be very mean, and I know this first hand.

And of course there's always the incident at the park that happened about three maybe four months ago. He was playing in the sand box and was talking to this little girl. She was a new comer and he likes meeting new people so he was talking with her, trying to make her feel welcome, being a good little boy. According to them, she asked where is mommy and daddy where and he said that he doesn't have a daddy that he has another mommy and she started to make fun of him, calling him a sissy because he lives with only girls. He got upset, and because my kid isn't a sissy he threatened her. I don't encourage that kind of thing at all but at least he was sticking up for himself.

Anyway, this little girl kept telling him all of these mean things and he got so angry that he kicked over her sand castle. Doesn't sound like much but it's a big fucking deal when you're a little kid. Making a sand castle is like finding the cure for cancer and then having someone come along and destroy it. Anyway, the point is that I don't want my kid looked down upon just because he was created a little differently. The girl's mom didn't even apologize for anything that came out of that little brat's mouth, so hmm, I wonder where she got all of that from? Whatever, they can judge us all they want but the second they treat my kid different the gloves come off and I don't care if I come out looking like a bitch. I'll knock any motherfucker, that's an adult, out if they treat him badly.

I don't want him to come home upset because the others were picking on him for drawing a picture of his family standing in front of the house and it shows two women holding hands with a little boy, just like I got picked on because I drew the same picture only minus the second woman, and replace the little boy with a little girl. Getting picked on for your family situation sucks, I know first hand. The kids are starting to get up, that means it's time to mingle. Oh the joy.

BPOV

I feel Faith's arm sneak its way around my back and she puts her thumb in my belt loop. What the fuck? I give her a weird look and I see that she's looking at the other parents. I follow her eyes and three of the guys are looking at us, mostly me. Why did I have to wear this shirt? I suppress a smile. My baby girl's getting jealous. I think it's cute that she's afraid some guy in my son's kindergarten class is going to try and whisk me away. She knows that if anyone were to hit on my some of the first words out of my mouth would be 'Oh hi (insert name here) my name's Buffy, and this is my lover Faith.' Yeah, when introducing ourselves we say 'lover', not girlfriend because some people still use it to describe two girls who are just friends. There's nothing wrong with that, but we don't want any mixed signals. Especially for the one guy that I know is going to hit on me. I'm not cocky or anything but he keeps looking at me like a wolf looking at a sheep, and it's a little unnerving. But I got my girl here, and we're about to get our boy back so everything is right with the world. Well now that I'm thinking about it we could use a new dishwasher, but I think that was supposed to be a generalization so whatever.

I look over at our boy, dressed in jeans and his navy blue t-shirt with the picture of a fire truck on it. Faith insisted on buying in Vanz shoes, and even if they are overpriced I have to admit that they do look good on him. His hair is still nice which is shocking. His hair is just as unruly as his mothers. I feel a little bad for him because he has horrible 'hair genes' as Faith calls them. Some of his hair wants to be straight like mine while some of it wants to be curly like hers so it's just like a big main. So we keep it cut short but it still gets pretty crazy. Good thing he's not a girl because once she'd hit the teen years we'd hear nothing but complaints about her uncontrollable hair.

Oh he's standing up now. I'm smiling wide but remaining calm. I don't want to make a big deal about picking him up like Faith made a big deal about us leaving. I love her, but that was embarrassing. I'm being as relaxed as I can and as long as she has her arm around me and is acting all coupley I might as well lean against her, 'cause nothing says relaxed quite like leaning up against someone or something. She knows I'm faking though, but that's ok, it's everyone else that I'm trying to fool.

Ok, he's standing up and walking but it's not towards us. I know he knows we're here because we made eye contact when he walked into the door. But instead of running happily to his mothers and tell them all about his first day of school he's going off and talking to a little boy in an Oakland Raiders shirt. What kind of crap is that? Is he that independent now? Faith said that he's still a momma's boy, but from what he's doing he's obviously fine. I think she's thinking the same thing because I can feel her tense up a little. I look over at her and see that her gaze isn't in his direction but over where the other parents are standing.

I follow her eyes and I see that wolf man is walking towards us. Just fucking great. Talking to a newly divorced guy is just what I need right now. And how do I know he's newly divorced you might ask? He still has a tan line where his wedding ring used to be. So he's newly divorced and thinks that he has a chance in hell with me? I don't mean to sound conceded but I mean come on, if I had to choose between that guy and Faith I'd pick Faith in quicker then a heartbeat. I'm sure he has a great personality, but he's just not my type. What's my type besides Faith you may ask? Well…not him I can you that much. He smiles at me and glances over at Faith. She plays it calm and straightens up a little, tries to make herself look taller. If I weren't so worried about getting hit on by this guy I'd think it were cute.

"Hi, I'm Derrick Alberts. Looks like yours and mine are getting along great," he says and looks over at the boys. So the little Raiders fan is his huh? I really hope Matthew doesn't become best friends with that kid because the last thing I want to do is attend a play date with Derrick. But I suck it up and decide that I need to be nice. If I'm going to set a good example for Matthew then I need to get along with all of the parents. Faith on the other hand is another story.

"Hey Derrick, my name's Buffy Summers, and this is my lover Faith Lehane." He seems unfazed by the fact that I called her my lover, if anything he seems a little more full of himself. Oh boy, here we go. Ok, I really want off of this subject and like right now. Faith plays the part perfectly though. She holds out her hand and says hi, he says hi back and shakes her hand. She uses just enough of her slayer strength to make him feel very intimidated. I can see it in the way his body sort of tensed up, like he's actually going to accept her silent challenge. I think I'd actually pay to see that. Anyway, changing the subject before the two get into a pissing contest. "So, what's your son's name?" He looks back at me and he relaxes a little bit. If he could be anymore obvious I'd give him a good eye roll.

"Parker." You've got to be kidding me. Parker Alberts? Ok, so it isn't very close to Parker Abrams, but it's still a little close. And that little boy does sort of look like him. Please don't tell me Parker died and got reincarnated and is about to become the best friend of my little boy. God, I need to stop obsessing about stuff, it's starting to give me a really bad headache. "What's your son's name?" Ok, I guess I've been quiet a little too long. He looks like he's getting uncomfortable.

"Matthew. Yep, Matthew James, our little pride and joy." Faith nods her head in silent agreement. I look back over at the boys and see that they're busy talking to each other. There's too much noise in the room for me to hear exactly what they're talking about and it's starting to bother me a little bit. What the hell is so important that can't wait until tomorrow?

"Nice name." I smile a silent thank you. I really just want to get out of here. "He looks a lot like you." He says to Faith and I can see her puff out her chest a little bit. Oh yeah buddy, boost her ego up just a little more, why don't ya? He continues to talk before she can say anything. "I don't mean to pry or sound intrusive but was he artificially inseminated?" Holy fuck who does this guy think he is? He sounds a little fearful and the last two words were said lower then the rest. How are we supposed to explain this? No one has ever asked this question before. Our friends and family know how Matthew was created so it's never been a big deal or a big explanation, but what are we supposed to say to a stranger? We didn't even think about this, maybe kindergarten is a bad idea after all.

"I'd rather not talk about it, Derrick." She puts emphasis on his name, as if to say 'keep pushing and your face'll be in the fucking around faster then a blink of your fuckin eye'. She cusses a lot, what can I say? He seems to take the hint and he backs off both physically and verbally. He backs up a little bit and then bits his goodbyes before calling over his kid. Matthew follows and finally runs over to us. Faith lets go of me and picks him up. Didn't I tell her he always goes to her first? I wasn't just saying that to make her feel better. He gives her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Oh great, he wants something. He only gives her a kiss on the cheek under two circumstances, the first is he wants something and is trying to butter her up to get it. Or it's bedtime and he's giving her the 'bedtime kiss'.

"Did ya miss me?" he asks her and I can tell she's fighting not laugh. Of course we missed him. You should know you're reading about it. Faith tells him that she missed him a whole lot and then he reaches out for me. I take my little boy into my arms and give him a big hug. Any other little kid would've been crushed, but since he's a slayer baby he can take it. "Mommy, I drawed you a picture." I smile and look over at Faith. I can tell she's feeling a little left out because he didn't say anything about a picture to her.

"That's great, sweetie, where is it?" I ask and his expression turns completely serious. My brow crinkles and he leans in so only the two of us, well and Faith because of the slayer hearing, can hear what he's going to say. Out of all the things to ever come out of my baby's mouth this is certainly not what I imaged he would say. At least not until he's older, like maybe in the third grade or something, maybe even a little older then that. I'm not sure. How old was I when I got embarrassed by my mom calling me pet names in front of other people? I can't even remember.

"Mommy, don't call me that. I'mma big boy now, remember?" I want to laugh because he's being so damn serious. I hear Faith snicker and she's biting her lips to keep from laughing. He sends a very nasty glare her way and she shrugs and then covers her mouth a little with her hand so he can't see her smile. "Mama it not funny. Don't laugh." He's getting angry now. He definitely has Faith's impatience. I set him down on the ground before she has a chance to comment and they start arguing. Ever see a five-year-old argue with a twenty-eight-year-old and both of them are completely serious about what they're talking about? Well if you haven't I suggest you seek it out because it is hilarious. But not in front of total strangers, then it's just embarrassing because they always look at you strange for letting them argue and you get embarrassed.

"So, what did you draw me?" I ask and he takes me by the hand and leads me over to the table he was sitting at. Faith follows and I can tell by her demeanor that she's a little upset because he didn't draw her a picture. I would be too so I'm not about to make of her for it. So, Matthew shows me this drawing and it's pretty nice, for a drawing by a five-year-old. In crayon he drew him and Tucker in the backyard digging a hole. So he actually encourages that dumb dog to dig? "That's really good. I think we'll hang it up when we get home. What do you think Faith?" I try to make her feel a little included.

"It's great. Definitely fridge worthy." She says that about all of his artwork. He grabs her by the hand and starts to drag her off towards the back of room. He doesn't really say much but we follow him because he seems really excited about whatever he's going to show us. I see a cage with some small animal inside and I pray that he's not taking us over there. Demons and vampire I can handle, but after Amy turned me into a rat that one time I can't stand to be around rodents. I only put up with rat Amy because Willow felt like she had to look after her.

"Ms. Honey said we had to make something for our daddies too. I told her that I don't have a daddy so I made this for you." He seems a little bashful about it and I think it's cute. He always wants to impress Faith and I think it's adorable. He does stuff to make me happy too but he only gets really shy about it when it's in regards to miss tight jeans over there. He opens up a little drawer that has his name written on it and pulls something out from inside. Now it's my turn to be a little jealous. All I got was a picture, Faith gets a fucking crown. She's beaming with pride right now and I think it's cute. I got over the jealousy like three seconds ago.

"Thanks Mattie, this is great." He blushes and it's just the cutest thing. She picks him up and gives him a hug before situating him on her hip. We walk back towards the front of the room and all of the other little kids are starting to take their daddies, if they have one, back to the huge plastic dresser looking thing to get what they made for the men. We go over to Matthew's little cubbyhole, why does that word sound so dirty? And we get his lunch box out of it, and some papers that are supposed to go home to us. The one thing that my mom always hated about Dawn and me going to school was all of the paperwork that she had to fill out. I glance at the top sheet of paper and it's a very bright color with dark writing informing the parents that the very first parent-teacher meeting is next Thursday. How wonderful, I wonder what excuse Faith is going to use to get out of this one.

"There's no way I'm going to that meeting, so just forget it now," she whispers into my ear while Matthew puts on his jacket. Apparently no excuse, which I have to admire, at least she isn't trying to lie her way out of it. I'll get her to go with me one way or another, even if I have to threaten to go a 'sex strike'. I've done it before, it only lasted a week because our libidos have no taken the hint to calm down. That week sucked, but the sex on that Saturday night was awesome. Ok, I'm pretty sure it's totally wrong to be thinking about sex when there are a bunch of little kids in the room. Changing the subject now.

"Can we go to the park?" Matthew asks looking from Faith to me and back again. We look over at each other and shrug. Why not? We used to go to the park almost every day. Sure we would have to go a little later then normal but we can still go after he gets out of school. So we pack up his stuff, he says goodbye to some of the little friends that he's made and we're off. It only takes us fifteen minutes to get to the park and he talked the entire time. He told us about the carpet that the kids sit on in the mornings while the teacher goes over some stuff. Apparently they're not supposed to talk while they're on the carpet and if they do they have to sit at their table by themselves with their heads down for five minutes.

Then he talked about recess and how he played in the sand box, and about the little boy named Parker. Apparently Parker's mommy and daddy just broke up because they were fighting a lot so his mommy went away. I chance a glance over at Faith and I can tell by her tight jaw that she's thinking about the time she went away. I really wish we could just forget about that time, but it's always going to be lingering over our heads. I hated being away from her like that, but I just needed some time to breath, and we weren't getting along and I thought it would be better for Matthew if she just move out, that way he wouldn't be around the constant yelling. She understands, but she still hates it, so do I.

We make it to the park and we get out of the car. Faith helps Matthew out and he says that he wants to skip the playground and just walk around the jogging path. So we do as he requests because that Faith and me's favorite thing about coming to the park. It's nice to walk holding hands on a really nice pathway with a lovely little river to the left of us, and a really grassy area to the right. The park is pretty big and there're lots and lots of grass along with a few trees to make it nice and shady. Sometimes we come here for picnics but that's only when Faith is in a really good mood. She doesn't like the whole picnic thing, thinks it's too cliché.

So we're walking down the path, I have my right hand in one of Faith's back pockets and the same goes for her. Well, it's in my back pocket. My head is resting on her shoulder and her cheek is rubbing against the top of my head. I love it when we go for walks like this. I explain it very well, but just walking with her like this, being wrapped up in each other, I don't know, there's just something very intimate about it. But then Mattie sits down in the middle of the path and starts talking off his shoes and socks.

We stop and watch him, Faith asks what he's doing and he says that he wants to walk in the grass now. Doesn't sound like a bad idea. I take off my sandals and wiggle my toes a little bit, Matthew laughs and then steps onto the cool grass and wiggles his toes against the blades. Faith takes off her shoes and puts her shocks inside of them so they don't get lost. We set our shoes down a little ways off the path and start to walk around on the grass. I gotta admit this does feel better.

Faith and me are having another little contest now. It's just some dumb thing that we do when we're feeling a little playful. I swear we act like teenagers sometimes. We're standing about five inches away from each other, I'm trying to pinch her ass and she's trying to pinch mine. The object of the game is to either block the other person from pinching yours and then move in quickly and pinch there's. She gets distracted by something that Matthew says and I take full advantage of the opportunity. But instead of just leaving a little flirtatious pinch I slap her across the ass, not too hard, but just enough to get that satisfying smack sound. She looks over at me, a little surprised and she rubs her butt a little. Yeah, 'cause I really hit her that hard, there isn't even a mark I'll bet.

"Oh you're so gonna get it now, B," she threatens. I smile oh so innocently and bat my eyelashes. If it's one thing I'm good at it's acting like a naïve girl. I walk a head of her a little bit and turn around to face her and keep walking backwards. I'm slowly getting more ahead of her, which is good because I'm going to need the distance when I take off running in about twenty seconds.

"Oh really. Well, catch me if you can!" I take off and she follows. I make sure to run mostly in a large circle so we don't get too far away from Matthew but he's keeping up all right. He's mostly laughing at the way we're acting and I can't help but let out a couple of giggles. My escape is only halfheartedly and I totally let her catch me. I spin around before she reaches me though, and run backwards. When she grabs onto me she grabs me by my waist and I can tell that she's going to lift me up and twirl us around, which is a total girly thing to do and I'll let her know it when she's done.

But she never gets the chance to because I slip on something and start to fall. I grab onto her because if I go down then someone's going with me. I land on my back with her on top and we just stare at each other. "Well, ya caught me, now what are you gonna do? What's your big payback?" I smile a huge grin and she smiles back. She leans down and kisses me. It's innocent at first, but it deepens as we forget where we are. She gently nibbles at my bottom lip before slowly sliding her tongue into my mouth. I eagerly take it and twirl it with mine before I softly suck on the tip. My hands are in her hair, holding her there in case she decides to pull back.

"Eww! That's _gross_!" We pull back and see Matthew staring at us, smiling widely. I look up at Faith and she has this smile in her eyes and I nod my head in agreement. She gets off of me and stands up and then holds out her hands and I take them and she pulls me up off of the ground. We look at each other one more time before turning to face the giggling boy who knows that something is coming. We take a couple of steps towards him and he squeals in laughter before turning around and taking off running. We chase after him, laughing the entire time, in completely bliss. There's nowhere we'd rather be right now then spending this time with him.


	4. ATOFBAIADGT

**And The Oscar For The Best Actress In A Drama Goes To...

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**Three Months Later.** BPOV

I'm lying on the couch watching television. Matthew's curled up in my lap, leaning against me, pretending to know what's going on in the program. It's a 'grown up' show so he doesn't understand, but he likes just spending this quiet time with me, and I love it. There's almost nothing better then cuddling with your kid. Now if Faith were here holding me while I'm holding him then things would be perfect. But she's gone tonight. No, we didn't have a fight. Willow went out of town on a business trip and Kennedy asked Faith to: "come over and have a couple of beers and relax sine the 'little misses' is gone." That's Kennedy's way of saying: "I miss my Willow, will you come keep me company?"

Faith promised not to drink and sealed it with a kiss before she left, that was three hours ago. Since then I've washed all the dishes from dinner, given Matthew his bath, changed him into his pajamas which is a lot harder then it sounds, and now we're relaxing on the couch while I watch 'Charmed'. What? I think the Piper chick is hot, so sue me. Anyway, he's doing his best to keep up with the story, I can tell because he'll ask the occasional question and I explain a little bit, but it's complicated for a five-year-old so I have to keep the explanations simple.

My hand is on his stomach, holding him in place, and I'm gently rubbing him thumb over the cotton shirt. Doing this has always soothed him and hopefully I'll be able to put him to bed without much of a fight. He's usually really good about going to bed, but Faith isn't here and whenever she's not here at bedtime he tries to stay up so he can say goodnight to her. It's a Friday so I'm not too worried because he doesn't have school tomorrow and we don't really have anything planned so if he sleeps in a little later then normal it'll be fine.

"Mommy," he says so quietly that I almost don't hear him. If I didn't have slaying hearing I wouldn't have. He continues before I can say anything. "What's that?" He points to the television screen with his free arm. The other is rested on top of mine and he's grasping onto my ring finger. Anyway, on the T.V. Piper and Phoebe are talking while Piper is feeds the little baby, um Chris? I think his name is Chris, and the older boy, Wyatt, is playing with his toys. I'm about to ask what he's talking about when there's a close up of baby Chris. "That. What's that?" I'm a little confused by the question. He's seen babies before, he knows what they are, so why is he asking?

"That's a baby. You know that Matthew," I say gently and he shifts in my arms so he's lying on his back and looking up at me. There's a lot of seriousness in his big brown eyes. His eyebrows are crinkled a little bit. If he looked anymore like Faith right now I'd be holding her and not him.

"I know that, Mommy. But they called him something else. The Paige girl, she called him a 'little brother'. What's a little brother?" Oh, how am I supposed to explain this? He's never questioned things like this before and Faith and I were hoping he'd hold off on it for a couple of years when he's a little older so he'll better understand the concept of only a man and a woman can have a baby, unless magic is involved. How do you explain something like that to a five-year-old? But I have to try because he's waiting for an answer and he'll keep asking until he gets one that he thinks is good enough. Ok, just take a breath...inhale...exhale. Good now, start talking before he gets impatient.

"Well, you know how me and aunt Dawn are sisters? We came from the same mommy and daddy?" I ask and he nods his head yes. "Well, a little brother is like a little sister only a boy. So if I had another baby you would be a big brother." His eyebrows knit together a little tighter as he thinks about what I just told him. I can see the wheels turning inside of that little mind of his and he seems to come to a decision. His demeanor is a little different. Instead of the seriousness with a little confusion, he's serious with a little determination. I'm really not liking where this conversation is going. He looks over at the T.V., I don't know what's going on because I refuse to take my eyes off of him. I hear the sound effects of an explosion and then some screaming when it's quiet again he looks back into my eyes.

"Can you and Mama have another baby? I wanna be a big brother." Wow. My head is spinning. I mean, I guess it's normal for a little kid to want a little brother or sister, but I never thought that he'd want one. And he's just so serious about it. I don't know what to tell him. We don't even know what spell was used to create him. Willow was looking into it but after he was born and we saw that he was a healthy baby, instead of something else, we just sort of forgot all about the spell and focused on him. But if Willow ever found that spell would me and Faith have another baby? It's crossed my mind once or twice, that maybe having another baby would be nice, but I've never said anything about it. Luckily I don't have to say anything to him because Faith comes walking through the front door and he jumps off of the couch and runs into her arms.

We put him to bed and say our goodnights. Then we go into our bedroom to relax a little. My mind has been racing ever since Matthew asked that question. She's sitting at the vanity desk rearranging the make-up that Matthew plays with when he sneaks off. I probably spend almost a hundred dollars on lipstick alone. I'm lying down on the bed, my calves are hanging over the side and my bare feet are rubbing on the carpet. I'm staring up at the ceiling still thinking about what Matthew said. 'Can you and Mama have another baby?' Can we have another baby? Has Willow even found that spell, has she been looking, and if she ever does find it will Faith want to have another one. We don't regret it at all and he's the love of our lives, but Matthew was an accident but would we consciously have another little baby?

"Hey Faith," I say and arch my back a little so I can stretch my neck and look upside down at her. She looks at me funny but I ignore it. Like I said before, I'm very well aware of my age, doing dumb almost childish stuff is just apart of who I am. Getting back to the point. She looks over at me and I know I can't have this conversation looking upside down at her, for one thing it's giving me a headache. I sit up and turn around and sit Indian style on the center of the bed. "Matthew said something earlier. He asked me a question. I know he asks like a million questions a day, but this one was serious, and I was just wondering. I mean, I've been thinking about it for a while actually it isn't just him, but-"

"Breathe, you're turning blue. I'm a little tired, could you just get to the point?" What the hell crawled up her ass and died? Ok, that was a little gross, but you get the idea, right? She's really cranky, I wonder what brought on the mood shift. She was fine when she came home. She could have been acting so she wouldn't upset Matthew. What the hell happened over at Willow and Kennedy's? Whatever it is I hope she'll get over it quick because if I don't bring this up now then I'll never talk to her about it.

"I was thinking about asking Willow if she ever found that spell." She knows what spell I'm talking about. She eyebrows furrow together and she has a very confused look on her face. I know she isn't confused about what spell I'm talking about. She's probably confused about why I'm saying this, which is understandable and I'm going to go ahead and explain since she doesn't look like she's in the mood to ask questions. Maybe I should just hold off and talk about this later. "I was thinking that maybe if Willow ever found the spell that maybe, and this is a huge very hypothetical extremely what if situation. But if she does find the spell, would you want to have another baby?" She looks at me like I just told her I want to smoke the worlds largest crack rock. Why is she looking at me like that?

"Why would you want to have another one? We have Mattie, we don't need another kid." What the fuck? You don't have a baby because you need one, you have one because you want one. I'm just about to make that statement verbal but she keeps talking. She slams the vial of lipstick down on the dresser and stands up. She's pissed off about something and I know it's not about what we're talking about. She's holding things inside, there's something seriously bothering her. "I know what this is." Oh really? 'Cause I doubt you do. "You just want a little baby around because Mattie's in school now. He's going to be gone all day, why not replace him with another one?" What!

"What! How could you even think that? You know I love Matthew. I'd do anything for him. I just thought that it would be nice for him to have a little brother or sister." And I did, I do. Sure, it would be nice to have a little baby again to hold and cuddle and stuff like that. But I would never try to replace my son. How the hell can she even think that. What the fuck is she on? She has to be on something. I know she isn't drunk because I can't smell it, but maybe she smoked something while she was over at Kennedy's. What happened from the time she left until the time she got back, because whatever it is it has her really pissed off.

"Sure, that's really what you want." I hate it when she's sarcastic. "How come you didn't want to have a baby before he went off to kindergarten? Tell the truth Buffy, you just want a little kid around the house because you miss having him here during the day." Oh my God, what is wrong with her? I jump up off of the bed. There's no way in hell I'm going to just let her think that. I step closer to her, my shoulders are tense, my fists are clenched, I'm trying to make myself look as pissed off as possible, and it's working very well. But she's not going to budge either, it's not in her nature to back down from a fight.

"Don't you dare." My voice is low in volume, but it's rock hard and stern. I don't think I've ever been this pissed off before, especially not at Faith. "Don't you DARE question my love for our son. Just because I want to bring another baby into this world doesn't mean I don't love him or I'm going to stop loving him." I can tell she's trying to come up with something to say but I don't let her. Her voice is the last thing I want to hear right now. "What's really going on here Faith?" My voice has softened a little but I still sound mad. "You were fine when you left. What happened over at Kennedy's?" She shakes her head a little and backs away from me. She looks passed me, over my shoulder. Whatever happened must've been bad, she hasn't avoided my eyes for a really long time, like a really long time.

"Nothing happened. I'm fine. I just don't think we should have another kid. The last thing I want is for Mattie to feel like we're pushing him aside. Because that's what happens. A new baby comes in and the older kids just gets kicked to the curb." She looks into my eyes and I can see some type of pain in there. It's faint but it's still there. She isn't talking about Matthew anymore, she's talking about herself. How come she thinks that because she had a bad childhood our kid is going to have one too? She's a great mom, she is never going to be like her mother was, she needs to understand that.

"Faith, we love him more then our own lives. We're not going to just stop loving him if we have another baby. You're not going to push him aside if we have another baby." My voice is soft but I can tell that she doesn't believe me. I never knew Faith was a big sister. At least I think she is, from what she's saying. "What happened tonight? You were fine when you left, what happened? Did Kennedy do something, say something? 'Cause I know she can be a little rude sometimes and doesn't know how to mind her own business." Faith shakes her head again and puts her hands in her front pants pockets.

"Nothing happened. Nothing is wrong. I'm fine." Her voice is hard like steel and as cold as the ice caps. A shiver just ran down my spine at the sound of her voice. No joke, it really happened. I take a step towards her, a very slow, non-threatening step but she backs away from me very quickly, like if she touches me she'll get some horrible disease or something. I know to back off because she's still fuming. The only time I ever saw her this mad was when she found out I was pregnant with Matthew, when she thought that I had cheated on her. What is wrong with her?

"No, you're not fine. Ever since we walked in here you've been mad. Please, just tell me what's going on." My voice is still low and she looks up at me. Her eyes are narrowed and they look fiery, but not in that sexy way she gets right after a good slay. No, this is the bad kind of fiery that she gets when her walls have no chinks in them and no matter what I say or do she won't let me in. I hate that she still has those walls and she puts them up whenever something happens. At least all the other times I knew what was wrong, she was just pissed off. I don't even know what happened to make her mad, and because I don't know I can't do anything to fix it.

"There's nothing going on! God, Buffy, you can't just let it go, you can't just drop it, can you? You have to keep pushing and pushing until someone reaches a breaking point. Maybe I'm not the one with the problem, did you ever think of that!" Ok, when did this become about me? She grabs a couple tubes of lipstick and throws them as hard as she can against the wall. And because she's a fucking slayer they go through the wall and the plastic on them breaks. So not only do I now have three holes in my bedroom wall, I have two different colored pinks and a nice burgundy colored holes in the wall with little pieces of plastic inside of the plaster. What is her problem? She takes a deep ragged breath and stomps off towards the door.

"I hope you like Wisteria Lane you major drama queen!" Ok, I know I shouldn't have yelled that, mostly because it was a really stupid thing to say and I think someone said it on television show that I watch, but she really made me mad. She slams the door and I hear her stomp off towards the living room. She's either going out to the garage or she's leaving. I hope she's just going out the garage for a while because even though I'm pissed off I really don't want her gone. I still have my insecurities too and one of them is that she's going to get tired of me and leave. I hear Matthew start to cry and I quickly run towards his bedroom. But he's not in there. He's in the living room leaning up against the couch sobbing very loudly and calling out the word 'mama'. It's still unclear if she went out the front door or just out to the garage but I'm not going to check.

I pick him up and he struggles against me. He's never done that to me before. I swallow the lump that's starting to form in my throat and I hold him close to me and he stops fighting. He rests his head on my shoulder, still crying really hard and calling out for Faith. It breaks my heart to hear him say that because I want her to come back just as badly as him. I want to know what is wrong so I can fix it. But mostly I want to know what she was talking about. If she's not the one with the problem then who is? Was she talking about me or somebody else? It's going to drive me crazy until I find out but I'm afraid to go after her.

"I want...Mama," he sobs and starts to twirl my hair between his fingers. I don't like it when he does that because he always leaves these wicked huge knots. Oh my God, did I just say 'wicked huge'? Ok, someone needs a reality check and very quickly. I'm not a teenager anymore, I don't need to be talking like that. But whatever, right now I need to focus on my boy because he's upset. The only time I've ever seen him more upset was when Faith moved out. "Mommy...I want...Mama." I want her too baby.

"I know sweetie, I know," I whisper as I rub his back and gently rock him back and forth. He continues to sob and I already feel exhausted, like I've been trying to sooth him for hours. I don't know how much more of this I can take. She can't just take off every time we get into a fight like that. I don't know, maybe it is better that she leaves. Then she has time to cool down before she talks to me and Matthew. I would hate for her to say something mean to him, even if it is an accident. I know she would never do anything to hurt him on purpose. "Shh baby, go back to sleep. Mama's coming back, I promise." After I say that I can't help but think: 'did I just lie to my kid?'

FPOV

I leave the bedroom and I hear her yell something out about Wisteria Lane and then she calls me a drama queen. I don't say anything back because I know I'm over reacting. But I'm really pissed off, have been since I left Kennedy's I just don't want to talk about it to anyone. I've known her since I went back to Sunnydale, and even though we didn't get along at the time because of all the stress she's like a best friend to me, so it's not like I can just say what happened. Especially not to Buffy. Buffy can't know because then really bad things will happen. But then why do I feel so bad for keeping this to myself?

I walk down the hall after I slam the bedroom door. Probably not the smartest thing because I can hear Mattie running towards his bedroom door to come out and investigate. I know we woke him up with our screaming but after that really bad time in my relationship with B and I moved out for like three months every time one of us slams a door after we've been fighting like that he always has to see what's going on, in case one of us is leaving. He sees that I'm making my way out to the garage, he's standing by the couch and he speaks as I'm reaching for the doorknob.

"Mama, where're you goin?" I sigh but I don't say anything. I know I should but I don't want to. What do I say to him? I don't move and I don't speak and I can feel that he's getting nervous and upset. "Mama, don't leave. Please." I need to get out of here though because if I don't I might just run my fist through a wall or something. I need to get rid of this anger before I try to be around him or else I might say something that I'll harshly regret later.

"Go back to bed, Mattie," I say in a low voice. I have to force the niceness to it otherwise it would have come out very cold and that's the last kind of tone I want to talk to him in. Before I can turn the knob he's clamped onto my leg. He's starting to cry a little bit and this is breaking my heart and making me feel like I can't breathe. Plus he's putting his slayer strength into it and my leg is starting to go numb.

"No Mama, stay. Don't go, please don't go." Without saying another word I carefully get him off of me and set him down next to the couch and then walk out into the garage. As soon as the door is closed I hear him start to cry very loudly. I think about going back inside but I know that B will take care of him. No matter how pissed off she is she'll always take care of our boy if he needs one of us. I go over to the shelves and push away the cans of paint and grab the bottle of JD. I twist off the cap and take a long sip. God it's been so long since I've had some of this. Too long in fact and I start to couch from the burn in the back of my throat. Ok, at this point you're probably thinking: God Faith, how could you be so dumb? You're fucking everything up, your baby is in there crying out for you and you're getting drunk in a garage breaking your promise, what the fuck is your problem? Well I'll answer your questions, but it might take me a little while to tell the story because I'm so pissed off about it.

Ok, so Kennedy called me a little before dinner time so I told her I'd be by her place after I ate. Just because Buffy made that one perfect meal without burning down the house doesn't mean she can do it again and I don't want to get a call saying that my home is now a pile of ruble because she overcooked the chicken enchiladas. So we had dinner, I promised Buffy that I wouldn't drink even though Kennedy might be, I even sealed it with a kiss. I gave my boy a kiss and hug goodbye and then I left. I took the Ninja, taking the long way to Kennedy's so that I can speed on the back roads. It's been a long time since I've done this, and it's very freeing. All of the stress of having a family just goes away and I feel like I can fly.

So I pull up in her driveway and I notice that there's a strange car parked in Willow's spot. It's a little convertible and I remember seeing one at a dealership and Buffy said that it looked: "Just like Barbie's". So Kennedy has a Barbie doll coming over, she didn't tell me that on the phone. I shrug it off and take off my helmet and put it on the handle bar before strutting up the driveway and knock on the front door. I hear giggling in on the other side and I can't help but think: 'what the fuck?' Kennedy opens the door and it's obvious that she's already a few beers. Not only can I smell it on her but her eyes are kind of glazed over a little.

Ok, I need to take a little break from the story. I sit down on the hood of my Camaro and take another long swig of the warm amber liquid. I can already feel the alcohol starting to take affect. It's calming me down a little bit but I'm still really mad. I just can't believe Kennedy sometimes and tonight is no fucking different. I lay down on the car so that my head and shoulders are on the windshield, my knees are bent and my feet are on the hood as well. And this is the car that I clean vigorously if I see one little smudge of dirt on it. But now it just doesn't seem very important.

Back to the story. Kennedy let me in and she's playing some music in the background. I don't recognize it but it sounds pretty cool. I might even ask her what it is. I have a really bad feeling about this though. I mean, I know girls giggle when they're drunk, I've known Buffy long enough to have proved this fact, but I still have a weird feeling. I walk into the foyer, down the little hall and into the living room. And oh yeah, she definitely has a 'Barbie' over here. She's a total trophy wife: blonde, silicone, and young. I don't know how young but she has a car that looks just like Barbie's so that's saying something.

"Faith, thisss iss." She's slurring her words pretty bad. How much as she had to drink? "My friend Ally. Ally thiss iss Faith." Barbie waves and says hi and I wave back. It looks like she's been hitting the booze pretty hard too. I feel a little out of place right now but I'm not going to leave. Kennedy wanted me to come over so I'm going to stay here for at least an hour and then take off if she doesn't start to sober up a little. I really don't like being around a drunk Kennedy, at least when I'm sober. It just isn't any fun. We sit down on the couch next to the doll and the first thing that I notice is that Kennedy sits a little too close to her. Maybe they're just drunk and don't have that awareness for personal space, I don't know. But I become even more suspicious when I see that Kennedy isn't wearing the ring that Willow had given her four years ago. Sort of like the cross between a promise ring and wedding, just a symbol that they'll always love each other and be together. I hated it when Willow gave her that because Buffy complained that I never buy her jewelry.

Anyway, Kennedy starts telling the story about the time when we got really wasted and ended up flying out to Boston so that I could show her memory lane. We woke up in a hotel with the worst hangovers in the history of bad hangovers and she had a tattoo on her inner thigh, and I had a certain body part pierced. I took out the piercing but she couldn't just get rid of the tattoo. We flew back to California the same day and not only had to sleep off jet lag, but a couple of really bad hangovers. I notice that as she's telling this little story, Barbie is getting closer and closer to her, until she's practically sitting on Kennedy's lap. I glare but I don't say anything because Kennedy isn't really paying attention to what Blondie is doing. But then I see the blonde start to kiss Kennedy's neck and she doesn't do anything to push her away. She puts her hand on the back of this girl's neck and pulls her closer.

At this point I'm pretty pissed off. I mean, I'm friends with Kennedy but no one hurts Red, at least not like this. And I'm not going to just sit here and let it happen. I get up from the couch and push the blonde off of the dumb ass. They both start yelling at me but I don't care. I grab Kennedy by the arm and pull her up and drag her into the hallway so little miss play thing won't hear our conversation. Not that I care, but one of the last things I need right now is a dumb blonde yelling at me while I'm trying to yell at my obviously stupid friend.

"What the fuck is going on? And you better tell me the truth. How long have you been fucking around on Willow?" I sound pissed and she knows it. But she's too drunk to really understand how severely I can kick her ass. She tries to shrug me off and walk away but I grab her by the shoulders and throw her up against the wall. She stares at me through her drunk haze, at least I have her attention. "I'll ask you again, how long have you been cheating on Willow?" She pushes me back and I let her go to give her some space. I know she's not going anywhere, I won't let her. She straightens out her shirt and glares at me.

"What doesss it matter to you?" She's still slurring really bad. Oh yeah, this is going to be so much fun. She tries to get passed me again and again I slam her up against the wall, using some of my slayer strength to really make the walls shake a little. She looks a little scared but then pissed off. She's a very defiant girl, always has been, and she's really bad when she's drunk. "Fuck you Faith. Thisss iss none of yer damn business. I'll fuck Ally if I wanna fuck Ally, you hear me?" Oh she did not just talk to me like she's my superior. Time to show this little girl who's really in charge.

"No, you're not going to fuck Ally. You love Willow, remember? And Willow loves you. And I care too much about Willow to have you break her heart over some blonde bimbo." Ok, so I've gone really soft, oh well. She pushes me back, well at least she tries too. The alcohol has really affected her motor skills and I'm using that to her advantage. I hear the bimbo in question start to walk towards us. She tell us to come back into the living room because she's getting lonely. I tell her to fuck off and then I drag Kennedy back to the bedroom and slam and lock the door so that the ho can't get in. Kennedy gets pissed and tries to leave but I don't let her.

"You wanna fuck Willow, go ahead. I'm not gonna stop you. You've been with Ms. Tightass for so long you could probably use a good lay, and Willow is a pretty good lay." I know I shouldn't because she's drunk so she doesn't really know what she's saying, but I punch her in the face and she stumbles back. I don't feel bad for doing it because nobody talks about Willow or my girl with such disrespect. She gets up in my face but I push her to the ground she tries to get up but I knock her down again.

"What the hell is going on Kennedy? Your anniversary is coming up in like two fucking weeks. Doesn't Willow mean a damn thing to you?" I let her get up since she doesn't look as mad and now she's starting to pace. I wait for the explanation a little impatiently and then it starts up. I can hear the emotion and the hurt in her voice and normally I would have sympathized, but she sounds more like a spoiled child then a hurt lover.

"I don't mean anything to her. 'Least no anymore. She just left to go on that damn trip, wouldn't let me go with her. She doesn't need that job 'cause I'm supporting us. I asked her not to leave, told her we should start celebrating our anniversary early, go away for a month to get away from it all, but she said no. She said she has to work 'cause it's important to her. I used to me important to her, now look what's happened. She's down in San Fran, probably fucking a hooker while I'm left here, and you're on my ass and it isn't helping." I take a deep breath and try not to hit her again. Willow would never cheat on Kennedy, she loves Kennedy. Yeah I know she loved Oz too, Buffy told me the story, but that was different. She's changed so much since high school.

"Willow would never cheat on you. Especially with some filthy whore. You on the other hand are nothing but a spoiled little kid. Grow the fuck up, Kennedy! You've been together for seven fucking years, learn to adjust to her job. Just because she wants to work it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She's still as ooey gooey about you as she was when she first started dating you, and if you weren't so fucking pampered maybe you'd see that she's the best thing that's ever going to happen to you." She tries to hit me but I block it and push her back. "When she gets back from her trip you're going to tell her that you're fucking someone else and then you're going to either work out your problems for find a new place to live. You hear me?"

"You're not the fucking boss of me Faith." She's starting to sober up, which is good because if I'm going to kick her ass I at least want a little bit of a challenge. "You can't tell me what I'm going to do or not. This is my life, not yours. You're my friend, at least I thought you were. You're supposed to be here for me but instead you're giving me orders and putting Willow above me. You two don't even like each other very much." She has a point, a very good point. Not about me and Willow not liking each other, we tolerate each other but our personalities just don't mesh very well. What the good point is, is I'm not her boss, I'm not her mother and I can't tell her what to do. So I stay quiet because there's no way I'm going to voice that. I see her walk over to the dresser and pick something up. She tosses it to me and I catch it one handed. I open up my fist and resting in my palm is the ring that Willow had boughten her. "Give that to her when she gets back from her trip."

I let her leave the room. I hear her talk with Barbie about something, but all I hear is mumbles. Then I hear the front door slam open and then closed and then the sounds of tires screeching on the pavement as the convertible pulls away. I don't hear anything else so it's safe to assume that Kennedy went with her. I hope they don't get into a care accident for driving drunk. Innocent people don't deserve to get hurt just because those two girls are stupid.

Back to now, I'm sitting up on the hood of the car now, slouched over. I'm holding the bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and the ring in the other. It's on the last digit of my middle finger and I'm twirling it around with my index and ring finger, watching the light bounce off of it. So, Kennedy's been cheating on Willow for...who knows how long? And she left. Hopefully when she wakes up in the morning she'll realize how retarded she is and get her act together. Seven years ago I didn't think they're relationship was going to last because Ken and Red are just too different, but when they were together for two years and still happy I thought that they were going to last forever. I guess I was wrong.

So, that's why I'm in such a shitty mood. I just found out that my best friend has been cheating on her girlfriend, who just happens to be my girlfriend's best friend. Everything is so fucked up. And then Buffy springs that kid thing on me outta nowhere. If she had just waited until I was in a better mood then maybe I would have sat down with her and talked about it rationally instead of acting like...like...such a drama queen. I don't know if I'm open to the idea of a second kid. We have Mattie, why would we need another? I just don't want to mess his life up, make him feel unwanted because newborn babies need a lot of attention, and if we're paying attention to the new baby he might start to hate us, and the last thing I want his for my boy to hate me.

I take the last drink out of the bottle and throw it in the trash. It's at least a twenty foot shot and I make it dead on. Even drunk I'm still good with the slayer accuracy. I hop, well slide and then stumble, off of the car and put the ring in my pants pocket. I'm going to wait to see what happens, try to get a hold of Kennedy before I just go runnin to Willow and ruin what she thinks is still a happy relationship. I turn out the light and crawl into the back seat of the car. The leather is cold and I rather be in my warm bed wrapped around my lover, but I think I'll just stay out here tonight. The last thing I need right now is a pissed off Buffy getting on my ass about drinking again.

BPOV

I wake up feeling horrible. After Matthew fell asleep last night I put him in his bed and Tucker started to whine, he's been sleeping outside, so I let him in the house. He followed me into the bedroom and sat down near the chair in the corner while I changed into my pajamas. I turned out the light and crawled under the covers feeling lonely. The bed felt so cold because she wasn't in it. I did something I never in a million years thought that I would ever do. I let the dog sleep in the bed with me. Call me a hypocrite, I don't care. She left and I really needed to feel some type of body heat pressed up against my back, even if it was from a dog.

I walk out into the kitchen and put on the coffee. I need some caffeine or I might just collapse here in the kitchen. I hear Tucker walk down the hall and he sits down next to me. I reach down and lightly stroke him on the head, and gently pull at his ears. He can sense that something's wrong and he's a little depressed. Yeah, well so am I. I get out my favorite coffee mug and pour the hot liquid into it after the little beep goes off. I put in the right amount of sugar and milk and then sit down at the table. I still haven't turned on any lights and it's kind of dark, but that's fine. My head hurts a little right now. I woke up in the middle of the night, thinking that the fight was just a dream, and I started to cry when I realized it wasn't. Tucker did his best to calm me down, and his version of calming someone down is trying to lick their tears off of their face. I love him for trying but I didn't let him.

I look over at the microwave clock and see that it's almost nine. That's kind of late for me, and for Matthew. He's usually up by seven, but he had a long night so I understand his little body needing more rest. But as if on cue, he walks out of his bedroom and down the hall. His hair is a frightful mess, I'm sure mine is too. He's rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and he's looking around. Looking around for Faith no doubt, but she isn't here. I still haven't checked the garage. It's a possibility that she slept in her car last night, but it's also a possibility that she took off and stayed somewhere else. And I don't want to go out there and see an empty garage, because I don't think I could take that right now. But I know I have to go out there, because that's where we keep the dog food and Tucker is getting hungry. Damn dog. I think about just letting him each 'people food' today but I know that if Matthew sees me feed it to him just this once he'll be feeding him 'people food' for the rest of that dog's life.

"Tucker wants his breakfast," Matthew says and starts to walk off towards the garage. Faith and I have been teaching Matthew to take responsibility for the dog, it is his dog after all, but I don't want him to go out to the garage, because I know that if he sees that her car is gone, if it's gone, then he'll get really upset. So far he hasn't said anything about last night, and I want to buy myself some time before I have to answer his questions. And I most likely won't have an answer for most of this questions. And I hate being asked questions that I don't have the answers to, it makes me feel blonde.

"I'll feed Tucker, sweetie, you go watch cartoons. Do you want waffles or pancakes?" I ask but he doesn't answer me. As soon as he heard 'cartoons' he tuned me out. He does that a lot. He is half Faith's after all, selective hearing comes with the Lehane package. I get up and walk towards the garage. I stop in front of the door and slowly reach out and turn the knob. I stand here like this for what feels like an eternity. But I need to go out there, because if that dog doesn't stop whiney I just might hurt him. Ok, maybe not, but I'll definitely go insane. I open the door and walk down the steps. I sigh a huge sigh of relief when I see that both her car and her bike are parked. So she did sleep in the car, and she drank the bottle of alcohol that she had hidden out here. She better not even try to lie about it because this room now reeks of the stuff.

I walk over to the car and open the door. She's passed out and the smell of alcohol is just as strong in here as it is about there. I push the driver seat forward and lean into the car and start to press on her leg, trying to wake her up, but it doesn't work. I push hard and she moves a little but only because of what I'm doing, not because she's waking up. I hate it when she drinks because it's so fucking hard to wake her up the next morning. It never used to be a problem and I didn't really care, but when you have a baby everything changes. But I'm not going to get on her ass about drinking because something was obviously bothering her. If she was mad enough to pick a fight that large then there's definitely something going on that I should probably know about.

"Faith." More pushing and still nothing. "Faith, get up." Still nothing. There's only one way to get her wake her ass up. I take in a couple of deep breaths and let them out slowly. Then I take in one really deep breath and hold it for a couple of seconds before: "Faith! Come quick, I set the kitchen on fire again!" She jumps up so fast that she hits her head on the ceiling of the car. I have to bite my lips to keep from laughing.

"Fuck! What the fuck?" she yells and holds her head. The pain is a mixture of the hangover she has and from hitting her head on the car. I don't even want to imagine what she's feeling right now. She opens her eyes and looks around, confused. "B, where am I, what are you doing?" She's not a black out drinker, so don't be thinking it. But you'd probably be confused if you woke up to someone screaming and then you hit your head on something hard. It's funny as hell though, that I'll admit.

"You slept in the car last night, Faith, remember?" Just testing my little theory. She never used to black out when she drinks, but she's not used to drinking an entire bottle of...whatever the hell she had. She sits up straighter and looks over at me, sleep is still clouding her mind, along with the hangover and it takes her a couple of minutes to answer. What she says isn't surprising, but I was hoping she wouldn't go on the defense so quickly.

"Yeah, I remember. And don't get on my ass about the drinking, I needed it. I can't tell you why, but I really needed." What can't she tell me? What happened that was so bad that she can't tell me? We tell each other everything. "You didn't really set the kitchen on fire, did you?" I laugh a little and she takes that as a no. She flops back down on the seat and winces out in pain for doing so. I realize that my hand is still on her leg and I pull it away, reluctantly, but I still do.

"I'll give you five minutes to compose yourself a little, but then you need to go in there and talk to Matthew. You have no idea how upset he was last night. He thought you were moving out again." She doesn't even take the offer for five minutes to wake up a little more. She sits up and motions for me to move. I stand up and back away from the car and she jumps out. She staggers a little and has to stop to find her balance. Once she does she walks into the house and I'm left out here like an afterthought. Oh well, at least I don't have a hangover. I close the car door and then walk over to the workbench and pick up the dog bowl. I scoop it into the large bag of dog food and walk back towards the steps. On my way back into the house I press the little black button on the wall to open up the big garage door to let the smell of alcohol air out of here. I'll let it slide for now but we're going to have to have a long discussion about this later.

FPOV

"So you're not goin away?" he asks me and I smile. Of course I'm not going away. Just because I got into a fight with B doesn't mean I'm going to leave. He wraps his arms around my neck and I hug him back. As much as I love this tender moment, I really need a shower, and some aspirin wouldn't be of the bad. I pull back from the hug and he has a big smile on his face. He hops down off of my lap and starts to watch his show again. I get up off of the couch and he turns around and watches me walk towards the hall, I think he's making sure I'm telling the truth.

I go into the bathroom and strip down and then turn the water on as hot as it'll go. I step into the shower and feel the scolding pellets of water do their damage on my skin, but it feels so good right now. I grad the soup and start to clean myself up. You know that saying: 'that smells like the thing that cat dragged in'...? Well, I smell like the thing that the thing would eat. I know that doesn't make much sense, but whatever. I rinse the soup off of my body and grab the shampoo. I really do need to cut my hair because it's getting really long and we go through like ten bottles of shampoo a month, and that's when we're being conservative about it. I hear the bathroom door open and the silhouette of someone on the other side of the shower curtain. Too tall to be Mattie so it's gotta be B.

"Hey, baby." I call out over the loudness of the spray. "Will you make me a cup of coffee? This hangover is something wicked." I continue to lather the shampoo in my hair before rinsing it out. I'm not really expecting a reply from her, except for maybe a sarcastic remark about me drinking. But I don't expect to hear is this:

"Sure honey, I'll get right on that." I roll my eyes and grab the conditioner and put a generous amount in my hand before setting the bottle down and then working it into my long dark locks. "I thought you quit drinking Faith, like, five years ago? Is there something going on that I should know about?" She always has to know everyone else's business doesn't she? I guess that's how she got her nickname. I think. I don't know, it was a long time ago.

"No Brat, nothing's going on. At least nothing that you need to know about. I had a bad night, so I downed a bottle. Not that big of a deal." Why I am even talking to her like this? So friendly and happy while I'm nude and the only thing keeping her from seeing my sexy body, yes I have a big ego I'm aware of this, is a thin little shower curtain. But then again, do I really care? No, no I don't. Ok then, I guess I'll just be quiet about it. I hear her turn off the faucet of the sink and I rinse the conditioner out of my hair. I wait for her to leave so I can get out but I don't turn off the water. It just feels too good to turn off just yet.

"Faith, we need to have a conversation." Oh great, not another one of her 'If you hurt my sister you'll wake up on fire' speeches. Yeah, I heard about that, and she's threatened me before. When she first started the threat it was a little hard to take her serious because it's Dawn, ya know? But the detail that she used when she was saying what she would...I've murdered two people and I almost got sick, that's saying something fierce. I don't respond because I know that she likes to hear herself talk so she'll just go right ahead into the 'conversation' whether I say anything or not. "If I find out that you're cheating on Buffy, or hurting her in anyway shape or form, I'll look up the ingredients to that drug Giles used on Buffy to suppress her slayer powers." I remember that. I wonder if there is any around. Hmm, maybe we should look into that, it could get deadly if a demon gets his hands on it. "And while you're nothing more then a weak human, I'll knock you out, hang you from a ceiling by your wrists, wait for you to wake up and then gut you like a catfish." See what I mean about the scaring? "Oh, and Buffy wants me to tell you that breakfast is ready." She sounds so bubbly now, how the hell does she do that?

She leave and I get out of the shower. I grab a towel and wrap it around myself. I'm about to leave when I remember the ring that's still in my pants pocket. I bend down and take it out and I put it on my finger so I'll be able to hold the towel up just in case Kyle his here. He loves Dawn, but he's a guy after all and I don't want to give him a free show on the way to my bedroom. I quickly walk down the hall before anyone catches sight of me and I close my bedroom door behind me. I drop the towel and walk over to the dresser and start to pull out what I'm going to wear. I hear her coming so I don't turn around when the door opens and in walks Buffy. I can feel her eyes on me as I slip into my underwear and then put on a bra. I towel dry my hair so it isn't dripping water everywhere and I toss a shirt and a pair of jeans onto the bed.

"Is there something you wanted or did you come in here just to stare are my ass?" I ask. I know I shouldn't be a bitch to her right now, but I can't help it. Being sarcastic is a part of who I am. She learned to deal with it a long time ago, hopefully she's in a good mood because if she isn't then we're probably in for round two. She doesn't say anything and I turn around to grab my shirt off of the bed. I pull it on and then slip into my jeans. I'm going to just go bare foot for now. I don't care if we have guests or guest, whatever, I don't feel like wearing shoes. She looks down at my hands as I zip up my jeans. I forgot to take the ring off, let's just hope she doesn't notice.

"Why are you wearing Kennedy's ring?" So much for hope. I don't want to answer her right now. I don't want to think about what happened over at that house last night but I know that she's going to demand some answers. I would too if I were her so I'm going to be a little cooperative. I don't want to tell her everything because I don't want her to tell Willow. I want to give Kennedy a chance to think about what she did and hopefully she'll grow up. "Faith, what happened over there last night? You know you can tell me, I won't tell anyone else, even if it is bad." I know she's not lying and she won't tell anyone, but she'll feel guilty and I don't want her to have to carry that around.

"Look, it is bad, ok? But I don't wanna talk about it right now. Kennedy was drunk, gave me the ring for safe keeping." If it were only that simple. "I promise, after everything calms down I'll tell you what happened, but not now, not while Dawn's here." She agrees with me but more importantly she can see what this is doing to me. She can see that my insides are being chewed away be this, by the guilt, by not knowing what to do. On one hand, Kennedy is my best friend I can't just run off and tell that she's cheating. On the other hand, it's Willow, and she deserves to know if she's being lied to and cheated on. I just don't know what to do. I feel Buffy pull me into a hug and I don't fight it. I hug her back and we stand like that for a few minutes. I pull back and start to kiss her. It's slow at first but quickly grows in passion and want and need. The best part about fighting is the making up.

I walk backwards until the back of my knees bump into the bed. I sit down and pull her into my lap. Our tongues are battling for dominance and I let her win. She nibbles at my bottom lip in that little way she knows just drives me crazy. I pull back a little bit and start to leave hot kisses on her neck. I take her earlobe in between my teeth and give it a gentle tug before I suckle on it. She starts moaning a little and I let go of the body part and blow some warm air on it. She moans out a little louder then before. That always gets her going. Her hands are in my damp hair, and mine are rubbing her back under her shirt. She turns in my lap so she's practically straddling me, one legs is on either side of my hips and she's slowly grinding up against me.

"They got into a big fight last night. This is what they do when they make up and stop fighting," I hear Mattie say from the door way. Oh crap, Buffy left the door open. As much as I should stand up and close it, I find myself too distracted to do just that. "They're probably gonna get loud. They get loud a lot but they're really, really loud when they do this after a big fight." Ok, how embarrassing is that?

"Well, this is gross. Wanna go to the park?" I hear Dawn ask. Thank God for the littlest Summers. I don't think I could break away from Buffy right now even if I wanted to. Which I don't, I'm perfectly fine right here. He must've nodded his head because the next thing I hear is: "I'm taking Matt to the park. I'm probably saving you a bundle off of his therapy bill. I expect to be paid in full." Yep, still a brat. Do I really want my kid hanging around someone like that? Well Buffy's hand just slipped in my pants so right now I can't really think of anything else. Dawn'll keep him safe, I trust her.

"Take this off," I hear Buffy say and she starts tugging on my hand. What is she talking about, take what off? Oh, right, the ring. Yeah I really should take that off. I slip the ring off and put it on top of the nightstand. After it's safe and sound she attacks me, practically rips my clothes off of me and just dives in. That not I mind, but remember that hangover that I had when I woke up? Well it's still here and it's making this whole 'I'm sorry we fought let's never do it again' process really difficult to enjoy. But I bear with it and everything is better once her tongue is working inside of me. I cry out and I'm glad that Dawn took Mattie to the park because he was right, we are loud. I feel her pull her tongue out of me and she starts sucking on my clit, really, really hard. I scream as I come and I feel her lap up every drop of juice that comes out of me as I watch the display of colors presented to me.

When I come down from my high, not only is she lying next to me, but she's naked. She's smiling this cocky smile that I know I'm going to be wearing soon, and without any type of warning at all I pounce. I flip her over onto her back and she yelps out in surprise. I don't wait for her to try and catch up with me as I spread her legs as far apart as they can go, which is pretty damn far. I take my three middle fingers and plunge them into her. She cries out and digs her fingernails in my shoulder blades. I wince a little bit and I think I can feel blood on my back. I ignore the pain, no pain no game right? I start a quick rhythm and she meets me thrust for thrust. I toy with her clit with my thumb and she starts moaning and groaning and withering under me. I can feel that she's close, oh so close and she's practically screaming in nothing but pleasure. So I stop.

She grunts as I take my fingers out of her and I crawl down her body, showering her salty skin with kisses on the way down. I slowly slip my tongue into her and then pull it out before she has a chance to respond. I'm not teasing her I just have something else in mind. I take her throbbing clit in my mouth and suck really hard. She starts moaning again and her hips are bucking so wildly I have to hold her down. I start to lap up the fluid coming out of her but I don't swallow it. I don't know how she's going to react to this, it could go either way, but I've been wanting to do this to her for the last couple weeks now, don't ask me why, I just do. Anyway, I gather up as much of the stuff as I can and then slide back up her body. I hover over her a little bit and she comes to me, like I wanted her to. Her mouth is already open against mine so when I open my lips all of her juices spill out into her mouth.

She pulls back, her eyebrows are furrowed and I'm expecting to get yelled at. But instead of yelling she just turns her head to the side and spits the stuff out and then goes back to kissing me. I gotta say, I'm surprised. I thought that would lead to a fight for sure. Well, she's probably just too turned on to fight. I'm sure once I get her off the yelling will come. Well, a different kind of yelling and a different kind of coming. Not like the ones she's doing right now. My fingers are buried deep inside her and I'm pressing on her G-spot as hard as I can and because of it she's yelling out for all she's worth. I wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors called the cops.

I watch as she rides out the high I just sent her on. So many things are going through my mind at the moment, and not all of them are good. I'm thinking about how beautiful she looks right now, if she really is serious about having another baby, and if she is do I want to have another baby? I'm also thinking about what's going to happen when Willow gets back from her business trip, which is in two days. I'll have to talk to Kennedy, see if she's come to her senses and I have no clue what I'm going to do if she hasn't. Should I tell Willow? Tell Buffy who will in turn tell Willow? I don't know. And I hate not knowing what to do, it's driving me crazy.

"What are you thinking about, baby?" I hear her ask in that sexy post-sex voice of hers. I cuddle up to her, needing to feel her arms wrapped around me. I know I've gotten really needy after sex, and it used to bother me, now it doesn't, but I need her to hold me for different reasons. I need her to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok, even if everything won't be. I don't tell her that though because she'll just ask why and I really don't want to answer that question right now.

"Nothing but you baby." It's not a complete lie, I was thinking about her. I feel myself being lifted up like I'm nothing, and she covers us up. I cling onto her a little tighter. I don't want to let go, not yet, I can't yet. She's great about it like she always is and she tightens her grip on me in return. I nuzzle her neck with my nose and I take in the musky smell of our lovemaking. God, I love that smell. I can also smell her sweat and it smells delicious. As I drift off to sleep I open up my mouth and take a nice long lick of her neck and I feel her shiver.

tbc...

* * *

'I hope you enjoy Wisteria Lane you major drama queen' can anybody guess which WB show I'm borrowing this line from? The original line is a tad different and is 'Oh my God! Enjoy Wisteria Lane, you major drama queen', but big diff, right? So, can anyone guess? 


	5. Future Stressing Of A Pain Filled Past

**Four Days Later.** FPOV

Buffy's in the spare bedroom, she's been in there for a while now. Well, now it's a spare bedroom, it used to be my game room, but I sacrificed it for the greater good. That and she told me that if I didn't have all of that stuff cleared out she'd give it to good will. That would've made someone really happy. Yeah, someone who's not me. Anyway, so now I have the stereo system in the garage along with the big screen, I kept the playstation in the house but I can't play most of the games that I normally would because they're very violent and the last night Mattie saw me play one he had a nightmare, remember the whole me not being able to sleep naked thing? Yeah, well that's because he saw me playing Nightmare Creatures Seven.

So instead of playing the violent games with the playstation, I'm playing a classical, Super Mario Brothers Three on the gamecube. Hey, it's a great game, what can I say? I look over to my right and see Mattie standing outside the door that's now our spare bedroom. His ear is pressed up against the wood and I can tell that he can hear everything, slayer-hearing remember? When he sees me watching he backs up and walks into the living room. He sits down next to me so that his body is pressed up against mine. He's quiet for a few minutes but I can tell he's thinking about whatever it was that he heard.

"Mama?" he asks and I give out a 'huh?' Now that I've un-paused the game I'm trying to concentrate. "Mama, what's a whore?" What the fuck did he just ask! I almost drop the controller, but I manage to hold onto it and pause the game. My eyes are wide and I look over at him. He's looking at the T.V. He knows he's said something bad or else he'd be lookin into my eyes, but he's afraid he'll get into trouble, or see that I'm mad, which I'm not. Just shocked and surprised. I know I've said some inappropriate things around him before and he's probably overheard about a million more but I've never actually heard him say anything bad.

"Mommy said that aunt Kendy." He's always had problems pronouncing her name so he just calls her Kendy, she hates it and the look on her face when he calls her it is funny. "Is nothin but a selfish whore. What's a whore, Mama?" Oh boy. I set the controller down on the floor in front of me and turn to face him. Why couldn't he have asked me something simpler to explain? Come on Mattie, ask me where babies come from, I can really make your mommy's face turn red by telling you some stuff about that.

"It's a very bad word that you should never say. Mommy's just trying to make herself feel better. Sometimes when a person is hurting because of somethin someone else did it helps them if they say bad things about the bad person. You understand?" He thinks about it for a little bit, digests my words and I can just see the little wheels turning in his head. Then he gets a big, mischievous smile on his face and I know he's going to say something bad that he knows he's not supposed to say. Is that the same look I get on face when I'm about to do something kinky to B? Maybe I should get some mirrors and put 'em on our bedroom wall so I can see.

"Like when you lived at uncle Xander's and you said that aunt Katie is a annoying bitch with a stick up her ass?" All I do is nod. I think I grumble something about no using bad language but I'm trying to concentrate again. I can feel his demeanor change, he's serious now and I prepare for the questions that are going to start coming. So far he hasn't really said anything about what's going on, other then the whore question. I look over at the clock on the wall. It's time to take him to school. Buffy's going to be busy today, which is totally understandable, and I told her I'd take care of Mattie for as long as she needs. So I turn off my game and the T.V. and he goes into his bedroom and grabs his backpack. He yells out a goodbye next to the spare bedroom door. I hear it open and Buffy walks out to give him a hug and a kiss goodbye but as soon as they're separated she goes back into the bedroom.

So now I'm driving in the car, the sedan because even though I hate it it's a lot safer then my car. He's in the back, strapped in his booster seat and he's being really quiet. Normally when we take him to school he talks none stop along the way about his friend Parker and Stan, and how there's this little girl named Judy who's really mean to them. But this morning he's just looking out the window. His eyebrows are furrowed and I wonder what he's thinking about. I don't have to wait long because the questions soon start coming.

"Why is aunt Willow so sad?" Because aunt Kennedy is a selfish whore. That's what I want to say, but I don't. I have to give him a good answer that he'll be able to say in front of someone else if he does decide that other people need to know. I'm quiet for a few minutes while I try to come up with an answer. I've never been really good as answering his serious questions. Buffy's always been the better at that, and he usually asks her and I don't doubt that if he had the chance he'd ask her but she's been in that bedroom since late last night. When Kennedy sobered up she went back to her house and I was waiting with a cup of coffee. She told me that she just isn't happy anymore and if she's going to find happiness then she has to leave Willow. I told her to be honest because Red is a great girl and deserves it. She agreed with me and waited for Willow to come home that Monday from her business trip. She gave B and me a chance to change my game room into a bedroom, which was good, and then she told her last night.

"Because aunt Kennedy did stuff with another girl that she's only supposed to do with aunt Willow. And she said that she needed to leave, she didn't want to be with Willow anymore so she left." I think that's a pretty good answer, don't you? Buffy probably could've done better, but I'm new at this so just give me some time. He thinks about what I just told him and he has another question ready.

"What kinda stuff did they do?" Ok, this one is a little tougher. I can't just tell a five-year-old that she had sex with someone that looked like a Barbie. So instead I go for the more vague answer but he'll kind of have an idea of what happened.

"Grown up stuff that you're only supposed to do with your girlfriend, or boyfriend, just depends on what you have. But you're only supposed to do it with them." He nods his head because he totally knows what I'm talking about. But I can tell that he's still a little unsure. I stop at the red light and patiently wait for it to turn green. It always takes forever here, well not forever but like five minutes. I take my hands off of the steering wheel and look down at my fingernails. I need to repaint them. They're starting to get really chipped, and where did all of that dirt come from?

"You mean like what you an' Mommy do at night in your bedroom? That kinda grown up stuff?" My face is starting to turn red and I feel the blush heat up my neck. I never used to be embarrassed about sex with B. In fact, when we first starting sleeping together I wanted to broadcast it for the entire world. She wasn't too open to that idea so I had to settle with telling Xander some of the details. But I guess there's an exception to everything, and he's that exception.

"Yeah, that kinda grown up stuff." He seems to understand that what she did is really horrible. His expression has saddened a lot. He loves Willow so much, the two get along great, she spoils him rotten and does magic for him. Nothing big, but she'll make things float and make these cool magic sparklers that are wicked fun to play with. For him, I mean, they're wicked fun for him. I don't think I've ever seen Willow so hurt. Buffy said that she isn't as bad as last time, but we don't talk about that much. She's told me about Red's girl a little bit, but it's still painful for all of the scoobs and I don't want to push. I even say the name around Brat and she tears up.

"What's aunt Willow's favorite color?" Well that's an easy one. This is like common knowledge here. Not that I know everyone's favorite color, it's just that I've gone shopping with Red and B before and I think I heard her say it like a thousand times. I get why she likes it though, it's more of a personal thing then it is a preference.

"Yellow." That's all I say. I don't like to get into it too deep because I don't know the whole story and I don't want him to ask questions that I can't answer because it would be disrespectful. I mean, I wasn't around so I don't know but according to B it was Tara who helped her out when she needed it, when the peroxide pest was taking advantage of her emotionally crippled state after she came back from heaven.

When she told me about dying and coming back, what it was like, how she felt, and the things that she and Spike did. I almost got sick when she started to go into details about the Spike stuff. He's one fucked up vamp, I'll give him that. But then she told me how Tara helped her, helped her stay away from Spike, listened to her when she needed to talk to someone. I have mad respect for her, and I only met the girl once back when I was a bitch. Anyway, yellow is Red's favorite color because yellow topaz is the November birthstone, Tara's birthstone.

I pull up into the parking lot and find an empty spot and kill the engine. I hopped out and helped Mattie out of his booster seat. He's not as independent as me and B thought he was. He's fine when we leave but he won't walk up to the room by himself. He held onto my hand, wrapped his little fingers around my ring finger and we walked up to his class. I helped him put away his things and then gave him a kiss goodbye. When I kissed him he got a little mad and started to wipe at the spot where my lips had been. It didn't leave a mark but he was still mad. I think its kind of cute but I can't laugh, Buffy said something about self-esteem and laughing at them when they do stuff like, I wasn't really paying attention. I find it very hard to concentrate on anything that she says when we're watching T.V. and Liza Weil comes on the screen. So I have a thing for blondes? Back off already.

So I leave Mattie even though I don't want to. I still have a hard time just leaving him here. I get into the car and pull out of the parking lot. I decide to take the long way home because then I'll have some time to think a little bit. Now that I've had some time to digest it, I guess having a second kid wouldn't be so bad. Mattie seems pretty well adjusted, gets along great with the other kids, has no problems sharing or anything like that. But he's never had to share us and that's the thing I'm worried about. I'm afraid that if me and B have another little rugrat then Mattie will think that we don't want him anymore. But on the other hand, it's a baby. A little baby that we can watch grow and play with and Mattie would be the best big brother ever. I think I'm warming up to the idea.

I hear my cell phone ring and I pull over to the side of the road. Driving distracted is just as dangerous as driving drunk. Anyway so I pull over and look at the caller i.d. screen, it's Kennedy. I answer but don't need to say anything she starts the conversation, and as I'm listening to it, I know that I can't just cut off her because of what she did to Willow. Sure it was horrible, but Kennedy's my friend too. I think I'm about to start a third world war but I can't just leave her while she's upset, I have to go see her. She needs someone to talk to. So I hang up and start the car and turn around to go in the other direction. I might be a little snippy with her, but I'm going to tell her like it is. If she's missing Willow, she didn't say if she is or not, but if she is then I'm going to tell her that it's her fault because she's the one that left. I'm going to try and remain as neutral as possible, the last thing either of them need right now is a biased opinion.

I pull into the parking lot at the Holiday Inn hotel where she's staying at. I don't get out right away though. No, I want to take a minute to reflect on what's been happening. Five days ago I thought Kennedy was head over heels in love with Willow. Sure they fought, every couple has a few fights, but I never thought that she'd actually cheat. That's like one of the worst things a person can ever do. Especially to a girl like Willow. But she needs someone to talk to and what kind of friend would I be if I just left her there. She was crying a little bit when she called. In seven years of knowing her I've never heard or seen Kennedy cry, it's weird and I know that this is hell for her. Walking away isn't as easy as people think it is. She does love Willow, sure she made a mistake, but she was unhappy, so I guess her leaving now just lessened the severity of the wounds? I don't know.

I get out of the car and head into the lobby. The first I notice is that my slayer senses are tingling. I feel a demon, but it's one of those lower level, barely evil things, so it probably just works here. I also feel two other slayers, but it isn't very strong so they're far away. I walk up to the desk and ask for the room number of Kennedy Torres. Apparently she's on the sixth floor, room 35. Ok, but where is the other slayer staying? I always wanna meet the new slayers, especially the ones who haven't been training for very long. That's always a kick.

When we, we being Buffy Matthew and me, went to the training facility over in Ohio they looked at us as if they were lookin at celebrities or something. Buffy and me gave a demonstration with the fighting, just a little motivation so they can see that if they train hard enough one day they'll be as good as me and Buffy. The entire time during the spar I was checking Buffy out and when we locked together I'd whisper really kinky stuff to her, just trying to get her all worked up so that after the spar we could have a different kind of workout in the showers. I think Giles was actually a little glad when we left.

I take the elevator up and walk down the hall. It's quiet, really quiet. I don't even see any workers around. That's strange. Oh well. I stand in front of the door to her room and knock on it a couple of times. There's no answer. I knock on it again, a little harder this time. But again there's nothing. I even call out her name but still there's no response. I think this deserves some investigating. It's possible that she just stepped out for a minute but the person at the desk said she was up here. I twist the handle hard enough to break the lock, it's easier then it sounds 'cause of the slayer strength so to me it feels like opening a regular door. Anyway, I walk in and there's a light on. The little table lamp next to the bed. The room reeks of booze and I see Kennedy passed out on the bed. There are ten...no wait...thirteen vodka bottles lying on the floor, two are on the bed, one is in her hand, all of them are empty. Whoever said leaving is the easier thing to do is a fucking idiot.

I walk further into the room and close the door. I take the empty bottle from her hand and toss it into the trash. I reach down and gently rearrange her so if she pukes in her sleep she'll be puking on the floor and she choke on it. I clean up the rest of the bottles and then open the window to let the room air out. I grab the chair at the desk and turn it around so it's facing the bed. I watch her as she's unconscious, I can't help but feel bad. I should have seen something. I should have known that she was unhappy. She's my best friend, you're supposed to know when your best friend isn't happy. Unless she was in denial the entire time and she was lying even to herself, and that Barbie doll was her way of realizing it? Am I being rational about this or am I just making excuses for her? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. Well, some stuff, but the rest is completely wrong, all out of focus.

I don't know if she's coming to or if she's just having a bad dream. She's whimpering and moving around a little. She's mumbling out Willow's name and...she's starting to cry. All of the bottles, a person in pain doesn't drink that much. A person who feels incredibly guilty however, they'll drink themselves into a coma to make that kind of pain stop. At least she feels bad about what she did. Does she realize now how badly she fucked up? Is she going to beg for Willow to take her back? Or is she going to move on? Is she going to move away. This town isn't very big, chances of running into Willow are very high, but will she leave just to avoid Red?

I look over at the clock and I'm a little surprised. It's already time for me to go and pick up Mattie from school. I've been sitting here for almost six hours, it only feels like five minutes. I get up and put the chair back. I go over to the desk and pick up the pen and the post card that the room service people put in while they clean the place. I write her a little note telling her that I stopped by and cleaned up the bottles and to give me a call anytime she needs to, day or night. I put the pen down and take the post card and put it on the bedside table where I know she'll see it. I gently leave a soft kiss on her forehead and then turn out the lamp and leave the room. This is going to be hell for her, I can tell. And all I can do is listen. She's going to have to get over the pain on her own. Nothing is going to be able to help her. She needs to understand that or it'll drive her insane.

BPOV

Willow's been crying since she got here last night. I finally got Faith to tell me what happened at Kennedy's and we agreed to turn the game room into a bedroom because I knew that if Willow found out...no...when Willow found out she'd need a place to stay. Even if Kennedy did leave the house Willow wouldn't want to stay there. Too many memories. I wanted to tell her right away, she's my best friend after all, but Faith convinced me to let Kennedy come clean so I did. Willow got back from trip on Monday, and Kennedy didn't tell her until Tuesday afternoon. They fought for a couple of hours and then Kennedy packed her bags and left. Willow stayed at the house for a couple of hours before she finally came over to mine. There was no phone call, no heads up, no warning. She knocked on the door and when Faith answered it she fell into my girlfriend's arms, sobbing and unable to hold herself up.

I took her into the spare room, well her room, and she's been in here since. I got her to drink some water so she wouldn't get dehydrated but she wouldn't eat anything. I just held her and let her cry on me. She clung to me like Matthew clings to me when he's upset and Faith isn't around. Every time she thought I was going to get up she would tighten her grip. Thank God for slayer strength or I might be dead. She cried so hard that made herself sick and after she laid down on the cold bathroom floor and cried some more but it wasn't as hard. She calmed down a little and let me clean up her mouth. I took her back into the bedroom and laid down with her. She finally cried herself to sleep and I got up to get a snack and take a little break from the heavy emotion.

Faith was waiting for me in the kitchen. She was heating up some left over pizza, she said she thought I was getting hungry. I pulled her into a tight hug, I clung to her like Willow had clung to me, and I cried my eyes out. Seeing Willow like that...I felt like I was dying inside. Seeing her so hurt...I haven't seen her that hurt since Tara. She's not as bad as she was when Tara died, but more upset then when Oz left. She's in so much pain, and I want to make it better, I want to take the hurt away but I can't. There's nothing I can do about it, and it's going to drive me insane.

Faith held me until I calmed down and then I pulled back. I gave her a quick kiss on the lips and told her that I love her. She said it back and I kissed her again. I know she loves me but she doesn't vocalize it a lot. She doesn't like just throwing that word around because a lot of people in her past said it to her but they only said it to manipulate her. When I say it she knows I mean it, she doesn't always say it back, but that's ok. I don't always need to hear it like I just did. If she doesn't say it back then she'll kiss me deeply and it's her way of telling me.

After I ate she told me that she would take care of Mattie for the next couple of days, for me not to worry about anything other then being there for Willow. I kissed her again, pulled her really close to me. I pressed her up against the counter and my hands started to wonder. I was so emotional that I needed the contact, needed it more then I'm willing to admit. When we pulled back for air she started to leave feather light kisses on my neck, my cheeks, my lips, everywhere she could reach. But then I heard Willow thrashing around in her sleep and as much as I needed to be with Faith at that moment, I needed to be with Willow more, because Willow needs someone, she needs me. Faith told me she understands, and I know she does. So I left one last kiss on her swollen lips and went back into the bedroom and soothed Willow while she was sleeping. I held her while she slept and even in her sleep she clung to me tightly and wouldn't let go.

When I wake up Willow's already awake. Her back is facing me but she's pressed up against me. She's being really quiet, which is expected, and the sadness coming from her was so strong I'm sure I'm going to start crying any second. But I can't break down, I have to be strong because Willow needs me. I turn on my side and wrap my arm around her and pull her closer to me. I feel her start to tremble and she takes in a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.

"I don't...understand." Her voice is so strained that I can barely understand what she's saying. "I don't know what I did wrong." Oh no, no, no, no, no. She is not going to blame herself for what Kennedy did. Even though I understand what it's like, to blame yourself, to feel like if you had just been better maybe they would have stayed...all of that I completely understand. But I can't let her think it because it'll eat away at her and it will prevent her from moving on.

"Willow, this isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong." She shakes her head a couple of times and then she rolls over onto her back. She stares up at the ceiling, her nose is red, her cheeks are tear stained and her eyes are bloodshot. Her hair is all tangled up, she looks horrible to put it bluntly. She takes in a couple of really deep breaths and lets them out really slowly. There's so much pain, so much heartache. I just wish there had been some kind of a warning. Kennedy always seemed happy, this totally blind-sided everyone.

"Isn't it?" her voice raised a little bit. She's starting to get a little angry, but I know it won't be for long. She's just too physically exhausted to be angry right now. "I should have known something was wrong, Buffy. I should have seen that she wasn't happy. I was with her for seven years, you don't just live with a person for seven years and not know when they're unhappy. It's me, it's all my fault. I was too wrapped up in my job to really pay attention to what was going on with her." Tears are starting to leak out of her eyes and she doesn't wipe them away, she just lets them fall. I don't even know if she realizes they're there.

"Willow, this isn't your fault. You have to know that. If she was unhappy she should have said something. Kennedy is just a spoiled brat. She's nothing but a selfish whore. She doesn't deserve you. If she's going to disrespect you this way...I know it hurts, it hurts really bad, but Will-"

"Don't. She treated me so good for so long. I don't want you badmouthing her just for this. I know what she did is wrong, and I should be pissed at her, I am, but don't say things like that." She's quiet for a couple of minutes and then she starts crying really hard out of nowhere. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me. She clings onto me again and I almost can't breathe. "It hurts so bad, Buffy. I miss her so much. I just want her back. I want things to be good again. It hurts. It's like...she's gone and now there's this big hole." She's crying to hard now to talk and all I can do is rub her back and make soft shushing sound in her ear to try and calm her down. I want her to eat something but I know she won't. After Oz left she didn't eat anything for almost a week. I finally had to force her to eat a bowl of soup. I wonder how long it'll be before she eats anything this time.

"Mommy," I hear Matthew call out. I know he was listening in earlier, I hope he didn't hear anything bad. But I know he did, slayer hearing is very nifty when it comes for eavesdropping. Ever since Willow showed up he's been really quiet and he hasn't tried to come in here. I guess he knows, or can feel, that Willow is in a lot of pain and needs her space from everyone else. "Mama's takin me to school now." Is it seven already? I give Willow a small kiss on the forehead and then get up. I open up the door and step out of the room. He can hear her crying and he's starting to get a little upset. I can tell that he's worried. I close the door a little so he won't be able to see her and I kneel down in front of him. I embrace him in a big hug and he hugs me back. I give him a kiss on his cheek and he wipes it away. I smile and tell him to have a nice day and that I love him. He says it back and then starts to walk off. I got back into the bedroom and shut the door behind me.

I lie back down on the bed and face her. She's starting to drift off to sleep again. I wrap my arms around her and gently rub her back. There's nothing else I can do. I hate this. I don't think I've ever hated anything as much as I hate this. I hate not being able to do anything. She's in so much pain and I can't do anything to take it away. I can be here for her, comfort her, but the pain has to go away on its own, and only time will make that happen, and I hate it. Seven years together and Kennedy just leaves. No, she didn't just leave, she had to cheat on Willow just to make it sting that much more. She couldn't even wait until Willow got back from San Francisco, she just had to make it hurt that much more. As I'm holding my best friend and listening to her cry, hearing her go through all of this anguish, I can't help but think that if Faith ever left me I'd probably die. I know that's really selfish of me, to be thinking that while Willow is so hurt, but it's true, and I can't help but think it.

I can't believe I dozed off. I open my eyes a little bit and I don't know where I am. I feel something warm lying next to me. I snuggle into it, thinking that it's Faith. But when I open my eyes a little more and see that it's red hair draped across the pillow and not brown, well I panic a little. I sit up in the bed quickly and look down at the person I'm lying next to. Oh, right, it's Willow. God, I completely forgot. How could I forget? I run a hand through my hair and look over at the alarm clock on the dresser. It's almost one in the afternoon. I must've really been tired to sleep that long. Willow's still sleeping so I think it's safe if I just sneak out for a little while and get something to eat.

I walk out to the kitchen and Faith isn't there. She isn't in the living room and I don't hear her in the bedroom. I look out the living room window and my car isn't in the driveway. Did she come back and then leave again or has she been gone all day? I don't know, I'll ask her about it later. I walk back into the kitchen and open up the fridge door. Let's see...left over pizza? No don't want that. Fried chicken from three nights ago? It's gross heated up again. Yogurt? Doesn't seem appealing right now. Hotdogs, bologna, salami, and cheese? I'd rather not. God, we have nothing in this house! I go through the pantry but I don't have much luck there either. I think I'll just wait, have Faith make something for me when she gets home. She's a really good cook, which surprises a lot of people. I love her cooking, especially when it's just for me.

I remember the first time she ever cooked for me. It was our second date. We moved up here to Shasta Lake about a month before. Even though I confessed my love for Faith on the bus ride to Angel's place I wanted to take things slow. I didn't want to rush anything because I wanted to do it right. Anyway, we lived in the same apartment building, only she lived on the fifth floor, I lived on the ground floor and we didn't see each other a lot because I mostly slept. We went slaying together, but I was making up for lost time in the grieving for my mom and all of the people we lost in the battle. Our first date was the total cliché, dinner out in a decent restaurant and then a movie. Ok, I'm rambling.

Anyway, she invited me over to her apartment. I was a little apprehensive at first because of her reputation that she had built in Sunnydale about being the 'fuck and run' kind of girl and I didn't want her to try to do that to me. But she promised that she wouldn't try anything that she knows I wouldn't like. So I agreed. I showed up at her place at seven-thirty like we planned. I knocked on the door but since she knew it was me she called out that the door was open and I walked in. Her apartment was nice, a little lacking in decorations but nice. She was still making the dinner, said that it would only be a couple of minutes and I could wait in the living room for her. Since the apartments were small I'd be able to sit on the living room couch and talk to her while she's at the stove. What she was making smelled really yummy and my stomach was starting to growl out for the food. She heard it and chuckled a little bit but didn't tease me like I thought she was going to.

When it was done she put the food on the plates and then walked into the living room. She hated me my plate and then set hers down on the coffee table in front of us. She walked back into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. She filled them both only halfway, that surprised me, and left the bottle in the kitchen. She joined me on the couch and we started eating. She had made cheese stuffed shells with a side of garlic rolls. I had never had food that tasted so good before. Apparently she made it all from scratch but she was being modest about it. It must've taken her all day to make this, and she made two batches because of the whole slayer metabolism thing.

The conversation was nice, nothing too heavy. She asked how Dawn was doing, and if I planned on finding a job or not. She wanted to know if I was going to stay in Redding for go to a bigger city, taken some time off. I didn't really have any answers, except for that Dawn was doing ok, depressed about Anya dying in the battle, but she was adjusting. We finished eating in a comfortable silence and we had another glass of wine. I've never really liked wine but I liked that stuff. When we were done I insisted on cleaning up even though she said she'd take care of it later. She made a wisecrack when she saw that I only planned on loading the dishwasher.

Then she walked me down to my apartment. We went really slow so it took like five minutes. We held hands, which was nice. I never realized how soft her hands really are. We stood in front of my apartment door for a few minutes and then she leaned in and kissed me goodnight. I could tell that she didn't want to leave me, and I didn't want her to go but she had to. I had to take Dawn shopping for school stuff the next morning and we were going to leave early. I gave her one last kiss before she left, I watched her walk away, ok, well I watched her ass as she walked away, she even put an extra sway to her hips and I just know that she knew I was watching. On our anniversary she always makes those cheese stuff shells, and even though she promised to quit drinking and I stopped drinking after Matthew was born, we always have two glasses of wine. But the night never ends with just too kisses, I'll tell you that much.

How long have I zoned out? I hear the car pull up in the driveway. Then I hear her get out and then help Matthew out of the backseat. It's two-thirty already? Damn, I need to get some rest, not just sleep but rest. Yes there's a difference. I turn my head so I can see the front door and wait for them to walk in. Faith opens the door and lets Matthew in first. He's holding something in his hand, a piece of paper I think. He either doesn't notice that I'm here or he has something else in mind 'cause he walks through the living room and down the hall. He stops in front of Willow's room. He slowly takes off his backpack and sets it on the ground next to the door. He reaches up and gently turns the handle, like if he makes any suddenly or quick movements it'll make Willow's pain that much worst.

I don't stop him because I know that as soon as he sees that she's sleeping he'll leave her alone. At least that's what I thought, but he's going into the room. Maybe she's awake? She probably needs some more water, I better get that for her. I stand up and start to walk towards the room but Faith stops me. She wraps her arms around my waist and gives my neck a quick kiss.

"Let him go. He'll be outta there in a few minutes. He drew her a picture to try and make her feel better and he wants to give it to her." I smile at her words but then I frown when I smell her. How did I miss this before? Oh, right, because I was too focused on something else. I pull away from her and turn around quickly. My eyebrows are furrowed deeply and my lips are a thin, tight line. She knows I'm pissed and she's looking a little confused. She pulls on her shirt so that the collar is right in front of her nose and she takes a little whiff. Then she lets go and starts with the explanation.

"Swear to God, B, it's not what you think." She stops to gauge my reaction. I don't react however, I stand there and stare, the same pissed off look on my face. I may have let her get away with that one bottle because she really did need it, but I'll be damned if she's going to start drinking on a regular basis or have anymore. The strange thing though, I didn't smell any on her breath when she was talking to me. Maybe she had some mints afterwards or something, I don't.

"After I dropped Mattie off at school I gotta call on my cell. It was Kennedy, she needed someone to talk to, so I went over to the hotel she's stayin at. There were, like, fifteen empty bottles in the room, it reeked of the shit, but I didn't have a drop, I swear. And, to answer your question 'cause I know you're gonna ask, she didn't say anything. She was passed out by the time I got there." I allow myself to relax even though I'm a little mad. I know that Faith and Kennedy are friends and Faith doesn't just abandon the people she cares about, but I'm still royally pissed off at Kennedy, I can't help it.

I focus on her face after staring passed her for a few seconds. Her expression is blank, but her eyes don't lie. I can see right passed the mask that she's wearing. She's upset by this too, she's taking it really hard. She was the one who found out about the afraid, she told me some of the things that Kennedy had said…I'd be really upset too if it had been Willow cheating and I caught her. I step forward and wrap my arms around her very tightly. She's tense in my arms, she's keeping all of this bottled up inside and if she doesn't find a release soon then she's going to get mean. That's partly why we have the training room so we can take out our aggression when we're really pissed off. She pulls back and walks away without saying a word, without giving another glance. Just like that, she's gone. Ok, maybe I'm over reacting, ok I know I'm over reacting but with everything that happened with Willow and Kennedy…I'm a little emotion right now, and I really need to know that Faith is here for me. But she's withdrawing, like she always does, and I can't help but feel like she's slipping away from me.

I shake my head to try and get rid of the bad thoughts. I sit down on the couch and stare at the clock. It's two forty-five, I don't know why that's important but it is. I look towards the hallway and see that Willow's bedroom door is still open. I concentrate and focus my ears to search out for the sounds. It only takes a couple of seconds and I can hear everything that's going on in the bedroom. From what it sounds like Willow had been sleeping and Matthew had been trying to wake her up, and now she's awake. Should I be mad? Should I go in there in case Willow gets mad at him? I think I'll wait a couple of minutes, just in case nothing bad happens. I don't want Matthew to feel bad for trying to make Willow feel better.

"I made this for you today at school." I smile at the gently tone in his voice. It's like he knows that she's going through something so horrible, that she's emotionally damaged and needs to be handled with care. I hear her shift on the bed, she's sitting up and she takes the piece of paper out of his hand. Her breathing becomes shallow, and a little ragged. She's holding back tears. I wonder what's on the paper. "Mama said that yellow is your favorite color so I drawed you some yellow flowers. You have a lot of flowers at your house so I thought you'd like it." It takes her a few seconds to respond. Oh God, yellow flowers, not yellow flowers. This could get bad. She got over Tara a long time ago, she grieved and she moved on, but right now that she's so hurt I don't think she needs to be reminded of Tara, of better times.

"I love it, thank you." Her voice is strained and rough from the crying. As much as I want to just leave them to have their little moment I know I need to get in there because if she has a breakdown in front of Matthew then he'll just get really upset. But I stop when I hear her continue. She sounds a little better, but she won't be able to hold up for long. "How are you doing, are you ok?" I hear him move around a little, like he's uncomfortable with the question. No matter what the situation Willow always asks how he's doing. She wants to make sure that he's ok no matter what. She really is a great aunt, even if she's not blood related. He sighs a really big sigh and then starts talking.

"You're sad and that makes me sad. I don't want you to be sad anymore. Mama said that aunt Kendy did grown up stuff with the other girl. Why did she do that?" Ok, time to get in there and now. I want into the room and see Matthew sitting on the bed next to Willow. She's looking away from her, tears are running down her cheeks. She's trembling violently as she tries to keep the sobs inside. I walk over to the bed and pick Matthew up. His eyes are glued on Willow and I can tell he wants to stay, but he doesn't fight me as I set him down on the floor in the hallway.

"Why don't you go see what Mama's doing? Willow needs to be alone right now, ok?" He nods his head and walks out to the living room. I sigh sadly and go back into the bedroom and shut the door. She's still holding back her tears and holding in the sobs. She lays back down and faces the wall so all I can see is her back. I lay down next to her and wrap my arms around her from behind. It starts off slow, one ragged breath after another, and then she's crying hysterically, and shaking hard. All I can do is hold her, and let her cry because that's the only way the pain is going to get out.

FPOV

She tries to comfort me but when I get like this I don't like to be touched. But I let her hug me because she needs it right now. But I feel like I'm suffocating, like I'm trapped and the only thing that I can do to keep from panicking is pull away. She looks hurt and I feel a bitch. I don't say anything or even look at her as I walk away. I need to get this smell off of me. Now that I know I smell like vodka I feel dirty, like slime is crawling under my skin. I go into the bedroom and pull out my workout clothes, a pair of shorts and a sports bra. I got into the bathroom and turn the water on as hot as it'll go. I step under the spray and wince as the scolding water comes in contact with the skin on my face. But I don't cool it down, all I do is grab the soup and a washrag and try to scrub away this feeling. I stop when I've rubbed a spot on my arm so hard that it's raw and bleeding.

I turn the water off and step out. I grab a towel and dry myself off. I dry my hair almost violently but I don't care, as long as it gets dry enough so I don't drip all over the place. Once that's one I slip into the shorts, but it's a little hard because of the humidity of the room. I have to calm myself down or else I might rip them in half trying to pull them up. Once I have those buttoned and zipped up I put on the sports bra and go to the training room. It's not much really. We have a magically reinforced punching bag, some gym mats for when me and B spar, some weapons over in the corner, stakes of course, blindfold and a punching ball, we also got some punching pads in the little cabinet along with some knives and swords and stuff.

I need to get some of this out of me before dark. Tonight I'll patrol, we live in a small town, a little bigger then Sunnydale, but still kind of small, but it's crawling with vampires. Between Ken, B and me we've kept the undead population at an all time low, but the pests just keep on coming. I stretch out my arms and my legs, but I don't spend too much time on it. I never used to stretch until one day while I was sparring with Buffy I pulled my shoulder muscle, somehow, and she did the whole 'I told you so' routine. The muscle healed within a couple hours, not a big deal, but now I stretch to keep her quiet. I know she only bothers me about it because she worries that one day I'll really hurt myself. We may be slayers but we're the oldest to ever live, and even though we're aging great, still really hot, we're still aging and our fighting just isn't what it used to be. I think it has to do more with us having a kid together. It's calmed us down a lot, domesticated us, and even though we still patrol and slay on a regular basis we're more about getting the pointy end of the stake into the vamp's heart then having a good time.

Anyway, I walk over to the cabinet and pull out the tape. I wrap it around my knuckles and the top of my hand for some protection. I may be pissed and want to get out all of this negative energy but patience is another thing I've learned in the five years of parenthood. When that's done I go over to the corner of the room and slip on some socks and jogging shoes. Then I go over to the bag. I stare at it for a few seconds and concentrate hard. I get the visual that I get every time I come out here to get out the anger and the stress. As soon as I see that face in my mind, as soon as I hear that angry voice I start throwing punches left and right. Four punches with the right, a backhand with my left, three kicks with my right foot. This isn't helping.

In my mind I can still hear the yelling, I can see smell the booze, I can still see her face. I start hitting harder, and harder until it feels like the bones in my hands are going to crack, but I don't stop. I can still hear the screaming, I can still feel the fear, can still see her face, her angry hateful face. My blood starts to boil until it feels like there's lava flowing through my veins, but I keep on swinging, I keep on moving, because when you move they can't get ya. I've come up with about a hundred or so theories in my life, that was my very first. And I keep on moving, I keep on fighting. I focus on nothing but the bag and the screams and the angry voice and the look on her face, the hateful look in her eyes as she reaches for the belt.

I scream and punch the bag so hard that the chains that have been magically altered to withstand the power of a slayer, snap like a thin little rope, and the bag flies across the room. I can see the bag fly and then fall to the ground but it doesn't process in my mind. Because instead of seeing the bag being thrown across the room, I see myself, I see my arm break and the blood come out. I hear myself scream, and I hear her yell to be quiet. I see myself, a younger me, crying and holding my arm while she leaves the room. She just leaves me there. I see the younger me get up off of the floor and run out of the house. I run to the neighbor's house, the only ones that are still up and they offer a ride to the hospital. I turn down the offer because they're fucking tweakers and I'd rather not get in a car accident. So I walk the two-hour walk to the hospital, lucky to get there alive.

I scream again, and start kicking the bag. But instead of the bag, I see her body. I see her lying there, passed out yet again. I feel the bag break, my foot is lodged inside of the padding and it takes me a minute or two to get it out. Once it is I can feel the strain that I've put on my muscles finally catch up with me, now that the adrenaline is less and the rage is just a little bubble. I sit down on the couch, my entire body is sticky with sweat and my breathing is shallow, and a little erratic as I force myself to make the memory end. It's tough because it's so fresh in my mind. I don't think I've ever remembered that much of it before. The hate, the anger and the yelling yes, but not the beating, not the broken arm. I almost forget that even happened. I look down at my left arm, if I look closely and concentrate on the spot, I can see a tiny little scar where the bone stuck out of the skin.

So I stop with the morbid thinking and get up. I forgot to bring a towel, how could I forget that after watching that South Park episode? I chuckle to myself, I am one silly bitch. Ha, ha. Anyway, I get up and walk out into the hall. I hear voices in the kitchen, and not Buffy and Willow. Well, ok one of them is Buffy, but unless Willow has something she'd like to tell us that other voice is definitely a man, and not one that I know. The voice does sound familiar, I know I've heard it somewhere before, I just don't remember where. It take me all of two seconds to feel that cold tingly sense we slayers get whenever a vampire is nearby.

Ok, so is it Angel? No, no doesn't sound like Angel. How did a vampire get in here anyway it's still...oh, nevermind, it is dark outside. So I was in the training room for like four hours at least, no wonder my arms are still sore. I don't want to look all gross in front of a guy that I don't know so I go into the bathroom and take a quick shower, concentrating mostly I washing all the sweat out of my hair. When I'm done I dry my hair and body and then sneak into the bedroom to change. I put on some hip huggin jeans and a tight shirt. I decide that barefoot is the way to go because I don't plan on going anywhere tonight, at least not for another hour or so.

So I walk back down the hall and can see the linoleum of the kitchen floor. Buffy and the mystery man are sitting at the table now, I can see their shadows on the floor. I walk by Mattie's room just as the door opens. He looks tense and uneasy, he can feel tha it's a vampire too. He looks up at me and his eyes are so intense I've never seen them look that way before. He doesn't ask me who's out there or what's for dinner or any of the other questions he would normally be asking me right now. He's silent and as we walk towards the kitchen he isn't walking like a five-year-old boy, he's walking like a slayer. His shoulders are low and a little forward and his legs are tense, like he's getting ready to pounce. I can't help but be amazed. I know you're probably saying: 'only girls can be slayers, that's how the prophecy reads', and I've given that a thought myself. But Willow's spell made every potential a slayer and for some reason the spell that the mystery witch cast allowed B and me to have a boy. One in a million chances of that, but whatever. He's a boy and he's a slayer, one of a kind.

As soon as I step into the kitchen and see who's sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee with my girlfriend I stop dead in my tracks. Every muscle in my body tenses up and I get this really cold feeling in the pit of my stomach, like someone forced down some cold bile or something. I feel Mattie next to me and he's tense too. I guess he can feel that I'm uncomfortable and ready to kill, and his little slayer instincts are kicking in. I can't help but be a little bit proud, but I'll reflect on that later.

"What the fuck is he doing here? Why did you invite him into our house?" I practically spit out. Buffy gives me this death glare, like she did at that parent teacher meeting when I told Derrick that Buffy's mine and he doesn't have a chance in hell getting into her pants. Buffy said that from now on she'll go to the meeting and I can stay home. I look into the blue eyes of the bastard sitting in front of me. He tenses up I can feel his demeanor change from relaxed to threatened. This asshole is in my house and he feels threatened by me? Oh yeah, that's fucking rich. I outta stake his ass right here, right now. All of that rage that I worked off on the punching bag is starting to build up again, and I know this isn't going to end well at all.

"Now, now don't be rude. Wouldn't want to set a bad example for the boy now would you?" he asks sounding smug. God I hate him. I hate his stupid blue eyes, and his stupid ugly hair and his stupid...stupidness. Ok, that was lame I know, but I'm too mad to really think of anything. I've always hated Spike, always have always will. I tolerated him back in Sunnydale because we were in a tight situation and we needed the help. But he's a vampire, so I was always cautious around him even though he has a soul. Just because someone has a soul it doesn't make them a good person. I got the scars to prove it. And do you really think he sacrificed himself because it was the noble thing to do? Fuck no. He did it because he knew that Buffy wasn't going to be with him anymore and he wanted to do something great so that maybe she'd forget about all of those sick things he did to her. I mean, he tried to rape her for God sakes, and she just let him get away with it. Spike has always been a sore spot for me because he did so much worst then I did and she hated me for it, but she never hated him.

He stands up and I don't say a word. He looks me right in the eyes and smiles that smug smirk. Now I know why Buffy hates it when I smile like that, it's annoying as hell. I don't pay attention as she starts to explain why he's here. All I can focus on is the vampire in our house, who's standing up in front of me, using his height to make me feel small, but I don't. I know I can take him out, he just needs to give me a reason right now so that Buffy won't be pissed at me for killing him for shit he did in the past. I don't care how remorseful he is, or that we weren't together when it happened, but nobody tries to rape my girl and gets away with it.

He looks down to my left and he smiles wide. I look down too and see Mattie standing there, staring at Spike with this intensity, this fascination that he's never showed before. He's never seen a vampire before, we've never allowed him to be around anything evil, so I'm sure he's confused by what he's feeling, but if he is he isn't showing it. He's being a little cautious and he's eyeing Spike up and down, looking for a weakness probably. He tenses up, his little fists clench as Spike starts to bend down to be eye level with him. I'm on high alert as well. Just because Buffy trusts this thing doesn't mean I'm going to, especially around our son. So anyway, Spike's crouched down and he smiles a little bit, trying to make himself seem non-threatening, if it's possible.

"Hi, my name's Spike, and what's your name?" he asks and he holds out his hand for Mattie to shake. He's shaken people's hands before. Mattie always shakes people's hands when he is first introduced to them. He's in no way a shy kid but because he can feel that Spike is a vampire, he can feel the evil inside him, he's quiet and tense and when Spike holds his hand out Mattie mistakes it as a threatening move, either that or he's running on nothing but instinct and his instinct tells him that it's a threatening move. Anyway, when Spike reaches out his hand Mattie punches him right in the nose. A good clean, slayer strength punch, and Spike's nose starts bleeding as soon as his little fist connects.

"OW, BLOODY HELL!" the vamp yells but Mattie just stands there, holding his ground as Spike falls backwards onto his ass. I can't help but inwardly laugh as the blood continues to rush out. My boy did that, and it feels great to be a witness to it. Buffy rushes up out of her chair and starts coddling Spike. She helps him up and then shows him to the bathroom and gives Mattie a little glare as she passes him. Oh she so fucking did not just do that. I'm getting angry all over again. The initial surprise of seeing him here is gone and now it's rage that he's here and anger because Buffy invited him in. And she had the nerve to glare at our son for doing what his little natural instincts were telling him to. He's never seen a fucking vampire before, he doesn't know why his body is telling him to attack Spike. Ok, before I get ahead of myself maybe I should ask Mattie about it. So, I bend down so that we're eye to eye and he turns to face me.

"Mattie, I'm not mad." In no fucking way am I mad because he did that. I'm proud, and glad and I want to see it again. "But why did you do that? I just wanna know why you did it, I won't get mad, I promise." He looks down at his feet as he thinks about what he's going to say. He shuffles his feet a little bit and he looks up at me through his eyelashes. I melt at the sight, he's just so confused right now, and he regrets what he did, I can tell. It's not really his fault for doing that, at least I don't think so.

"Because he's bad, I can feel it, I know it. He's bad and he was gonna hurt me. I'm sorry, Mama, I didn't mean ta hit him." I pull him into a hug, and whisper in his ear that it's ok, that he doesn't have anything to be sorry for. He calms down a little bit and pulls away. I tell him to go wait in his room because I want to talk to Buffy. She's pissed and I know she's going to yell at him for hitting her precious vampire. God I hate Spike! She walks out of the bathroom and looks over at me. She sees that Mattie is gone so she goes straight for his room, but I step in front of her, blocking her from the door. She glares at me, gives me this look that I dare question her authority.

"Don't." She goes to say something but I stop her. I grab her by the hand and pull her into our room and close the door. If we're going to have this fight it isn't going to be in front of the pest. I won't give him that satisfaction. "He didn't mean to hit him, Buffy. He knows that Spike's a vampire, he can feel it. He thought that Spike was going to hurt him so he defended himself. You can't go in that room and yell at him because he was doing what felt right. You're a slayer too but you know what a vampire is, you've been around them." You've fucked them. "You know what that feeling means when you feel a vampire. Well he doesn't. He was just doing what his slayer instincts were telling him to do. And I swear to God that if you go in there and yell at him for it I'll leave and take him with me." Did I just say that? Because I totally did not mean to say that. But I did, it's out and she's looking at me like I just shot her puppy.

"You'd take him away from me? You'd really try to take our son away from me? What gives you the fucking right to decide that? I wasn't going in there to yell at him, but thanks for jumping to conclusions and labeling me as the bitch mother, it really makes me feel warm and tingly inside." There's a short pause as I think of something to say. I can feel the vampire standing outside of our door and it's only pissing me off. But I calm down and start over.

"Look, I didn't mean to say that. I wouldn't take him away from you, I'm sorry I said that, it just slipped out. I'd never just take off with our son." Well, I would but only if I had a really good reason to. "But you can't go in there angry, and you were still angry. He feels bad for hitting Spike." Though I don't know why. "I asked him about it, he thought that Spike was going to hurt him. And, I was just wondering, thought it'd be nice to know." Maybe I should stop being sarcastic she's getting irritated. "But why the fuck is Spike here?" I pause but continue before she can answer. "You just invited him in our **home**, where we live with our **kid** and-" Oh fuck, I left Mattie alone. I rush out of the room and bump into Spike. We fall up against the hallway wall and he wraps his arm around me to keep me from falling. I look up at him and he smirks.

"Sorry Faith, you're hot an' all but not my type." God, what a creep! I push off of him and walk away. I'm not going to react to that because that's why he said it, to get a reaction. I won't satisfy him in anyway. I go into Mattie's room and he's sitting up on his bed flipping through a picture book that Buffy got him a couple weeks ago. It's pictures of all these large cities in the U.S. and some Asian countries. He stops at a particular picture and studies it for a few seconds. He doesn't even look up as he talks.

"Mama, what's this place?" he asks. I walk over to his bed and sit down on the edge of it. It's a little uncomfortable because it's plastic, but I ignore that. I look down at the picture. It's an aerial view of a city. A park with lots of grass and some trees, also some paths for bikes and stuff. There are large buildings on either side of the park, also in the background, there's a harbor and on the other side there's more buildings. My eyes water up but I force the tears away. He just had to ask about that picture didn't he? No, I can't blame him, he doesn't know. He doesn't know about my childhood. He's asked about it before but I changed the subject and fast. But with all of that anger in the training room and all of the anger with seeing Spike, seeing this picture is fucking with my emotions big time.

"It's the Boston Harbor, baby." Yeah, he just had to stop at that picture. I remember being a preteen, running through the streets with the people I thought were my friends. We caused some trouble, petty theft and shit like that but never anything serious. We used to get in fights though, with the kids that thought they were better then us. The little fuckers that lived on Comm Ave. Just because they're parents had money it didn't make them better then us. Ok, gotta calm down. I've given up using my Boston slang, mostly because Buffy doesn't understand it and I end up having to explain what 'calm your liver' means or the difference between a FBI and a ABI. I still use the word wicked though. I have to pay some respects to my heritage.

"You're from Boston, huh Mama? That's what Mommy told me. What's Boston like?" Oh God, oh God, oh God. I need to get out of here. I'm starting to get angry, the memories are starting to come back. I can feel the phantom pain from that broken arm and I think I'm going insane. I need to get out of here, I can't breathe. He can tell that I'm starting to panic, or at least he knows that something's wrong. I don't say a word as I run from the room. Look at me, not only am I a lunatic, but I'm a fucking coward as well. Looks like some things never change, huh Faithy? As I'm running towards the front door I can feel the phantom whiplashes on my back, on the backs of my legs, on my ass, on the back of my neck, the backs of my arms. Why is this happening today? What's wrong with me? I trip on something and stumble forward. I fall against the front door and stay where I am. I don't move, I just try to remember how to breathe.

"Faith? Faith are you ok?" I hear Red ask. Buffy must be out back with that thing. I don't answer just nod my head yes. I think you have to breathe before you can talk, and I'm having a big problem with the first so there's no way I can do the second. I guess she sees how tense my muscles are, can see that I can't breathe, that I need my space because she stays a good distance away. I can hear the screams, hear the shouts and the pleads for her to stop as she whips me with the belt. No, no, no, no! Make it stop! I throw the front door open and take off running. Willow's calling out for me to come back but I don't.

I can feel the asphalt on my bare feet and I'm sure I look as crazy as I feel. I run down to the end of the street and bang a left. STOP TALKING LIKE THAT! I keep running, all the way out of our neighborhood and down the street. I run over the overpass and up the asphalt hill. I turn right and just keep on running. I don't even know where I am but I can't stop running. I pass a house that has a couple of horses in the yard, but still I can't remember what street I'm on.

I pass the side of the high school, but still I can't remember. I turn right at the corner instead of going straight and now I'm running in front of the high school. I turn another right and now I'm running up a hill. A car passes me and honks the horn, a guy in the front seat says something crude but I don't pay attention to it. I turn right away and now I'm running on some really raw asphalt, there's some rocks, a couple potholes and a nail digs into my foot. I reach down while hopping on my right food and pull the nail out of my left. I throw it to the side and keep on running.

I make a left at some cluster mailboxes. It's a dead end street, I can tell but I don't care, I just keep going. I run down to the end of the street, I can either keep going straight and round the turn up there, but it's gravel and I'd rather not. I can also turn right at a, is that a cactus? Ok, I can turn right at the cactus and run down some small gravel that doesn't look as painful. Small gravel it is. The house by the cactus, a white with blue trim, looks empty, deserted but recently abandoned because it's still nice. I run down the street and it's a dead end. I didn't come far because I can see the high school on the other side of the chain link fence. But that's like fifty feet, maybe more, away. I look around and see the backyard of the abandoned, but not rundown, house. I jump the gate and run over to the shed. The door isn't locked so I go inside. It's dark and it's small and it's bringing up even more memories, these ones aren't as bad as the others, well, it depends on how you look at them.

It's empty and there are some stairs, a two-story shed, who knew? I climb up the stairs that are more like a latter, and I crawl to the very back of it. There's not enough room for me to stand up so I have to crawl whether I want to or not. I sit against the back corner and stare into the darkness. I left the door open and the cool night air is making its way in here, making the room seem less stuffy, less suffocating. I take in a deep ragged breath and try to calm myself down, but there's no calming down now. The memories are flooding my mind, too many at once, and then I'm thrown into one, one that I'd rather forget. One that I really wish didn't happen.

I can hear him, I can see his face. He's only a little older then I am, a year maybe two. I've known him for almost six months. We've caused some trouble together and I know he's been looking at my growing body. Gotta say this growth spurt hurt but my hips and tits look wicked, and it's easier to get stuff if I just flirt a little, show off some skin. It wasn't before because they all thought I was just a babe, ya know, a baby? But he noticed me in a different way, I can tell. He doesn't just like me for my body like the rest. He likes me because I have those good old-fashioned street smarts and I've helped him out of a few jams. We're hiding in a small dark room, it smelt a lot like the place I'm in now, and he's really close to me. I looked into his eyes, his crystal blue eyes that I just wanna get lost in.

"We'll probably be here for 'while. Staties are still lookin' for us, so we'll just stay here till they back off, then we'll use the money you got to get a couple whoopie pies." I didn't verbally agree with him, just nodded my head. I didn't really want to be in there with him because of the close small space, having him so close to me was doing some wicked fucked up shit to my body. I felt all tingly, especially between my legs. Now I wasn't a hoodsie so I felt kinda like a whore for liking him and looking at him the way I was. Things got tense, wicked tense and he locked eyes with me. He broke the contact to look down at my lips that were painted up red. He looked back into my eyes, I felt myself growing nervous which was weird because I always felt so safe around him.

"You catch the Sox game last night?" I asked breaking some of the tension but most of it was still there. He just shook his head no. "Really? Bastard Yanks won by three. I swear it we'll break the curse next year." He laughs a little. Boston isn't ever gonna break the curse of the Bambino, just no way. My blood started to rush a little faster, pump a little harder as he leaned forward. I'd never been kissed before, never really had an interest in boys or anyone else for that matter.

With my mom being my mom I didn't really want to have sex, because she got used so much. I didn't want that to happen to me. I was gonna wait until I found the right guy, found someone to love. I knew it would never happen so I had nothing to worry about. I would never have sex and I wouldn't get hurt. But as soon as his lips touched mine, gently, softly, sending all sorts of tingles to every nerve ending in my body, I knew right then that this little celibate plan was gonna be wicked hard to keep.

I pulled back after a few seconds to catch my breath. I'm breathing like I've run ten blocks, but he's just a little above normal. He leaned in again, this time getting his body closer to mine. I felt his hardness brush against my leg and I jumped back. Little naive me didn't know what that was at the time. I wanna laugh. Anyway, he looked into my eyes and saw that I was a little scared. He smiled a little, breathing harder now. He sat down on the ground and gently held onto my hand. He's never done that before, said hand holdin is for saps.

"Don't be scared Marthie." That's his little nickname for me because I was always talking about how when I get rich one day I'm gonna take a trip to Martha's Vineyard and if I catch any of the richies talkin shit about the poor I'll give 'em a good punch in the head. "Just relax. You know I'd never let anythin bad happen ta ya, right?" I nodded my head and looked into his eyes. He leaned forward again and pressed his lips against mine. I kissed him back and after a few seconds he pulled back. "Just go with it, I'll take care of ya." I nodded my head again and he leaned forward yet again. Only this time he opened up his mouth and gently rubbed his tongue against my bottom lip. I opened up my mouth a little bit and he slid his tongue inside. He swirled it around mine and it felt weird, but a good kind of weird. He leaned forward, pushing me back. He was trying to get me to lie down. I pulled back and looked at him, a questioning look was on my face. "Don't worry 'bout it, just go with it."

He reached for the hem of my shirt and slowly took it off. I allowed him to and as soon as it hit the floor he was kissing my still growing breasts. There was a throbbing between my legs and what he was doing felt good but at the same time I wanted to slow down. I didn't want to seem like a wimp though, so I did as he said and just went with it. He reached around and unhooked by bra and slowly took it off. He took one of my nipples into his mouth and I moaned out. It was too much to handle and I pushed him back. He looked at me with some confusion and just a tiny, just a tiny little bit of anger.

"Maybe we should just go. It's gettin late, my mom might be passed out by now." My voice was trembling and he reached out and gently caressed my cheek. I leaned into his hand at the gentle touch. I've never been touched like this before, it was loving, not violent, and even though it scared me I wanted more of it. I closed by eyes when I saw him lean forward and he kissed me again. Then I felt his hands wonder down to my breasts and he started squeezing and massaging them. I didn't like that, his hands were rough because of the calluses of always climbing fences and stuff like that. He continued to kiss me as his hands left my body. I heard the sound of a zipper and I pulled back again. He had unzipped his pants and I saw his hard cock. I looked up at him wide eyed. This was all new to me, I was a little scared. He smiled again, that sweet smile that always makes me crumble.

"I'll be gentle, k?" he asked and I didn't move a muscle, didn't say a word. He reached out and gently laid me down on my back, and I let him. It was like I was in shock or something. I wanted to say something, anything to get him to slow down, but I couldn't, I just went with it. I felt his hands on my jeans and he slowly unbuttoned and then unzipped them. I lifted up my hips, still in a daze as he pulled them down. I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him towards me. I kissed him deeply, searched out the hidden secrets of his mouth and he took my pants off. I felt his hands toying with the waistband of my panties, but he didn't pull them down. I remembered something in health class and I pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"What about a condom? I don't wanna get pregnant." He shook his head and kissed my neck. I moaned again at the feeling, and felt little shivers go up and down my spine. I wanted him to stop because of the lack of a rubber, but I wanted him to continue just as much. I hated feeling torn like that but it's how I was feeling, I couldn't help it. He pulled back again and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. I tightened my legs together and he felt it, he was lying beside me, so that is left thigh was against mine, his torso was over mine, but he was still off to the side from the waist down.

"I'll pull out right before, none'll get in you, promise." I was still nervous and he could tell that. But he was being so gentle, so loving. I didn't want him to stop, I didn't want him to leave. I still had a couple of concerns that I was more then willing to keep to myself but because I was so damn nervous things just started to slip out.

"It's gonna hurt, I heard some of the hoodsies talkin in gym, they said that it hurts, and that sometimes there's blood." He looked a little grossed out because of the blood part, he hates blood, can't stand seeing it. He kissed me again and all of my concerns started to slowly wash away. He deepened the kiss and things were starting to move forward a little more. One of his rough hands was rubbin the top of my thigh, slowly working its way to my inner thigh and then he added a little bit of pressure to try and spread my legs, but I wouldn't and he pulled back.

"There might be some pain, but I'll be gentle, promise." I nodded my head and he started kissing me again. He ran his hands up and down my torso, massaging my breasts and then gently caressing my stomach. The throbbing between my legs was starting to become unbearable. I felt his hands back on the waistband of my underwear. I pulled away, breathing erratically and I nodded my head, barely. He slid them off of me, crawling down my body a little and he left a kiss on my bellybutton. I giggled a little bit, my stomach has always been very ticklish especially my bellybutton.

I watched as he took off his pants and boxers until he was completely nude. I looked away, blushing wicked hard and he chuckled a little bit. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out some napkins that we took from a McDonald's earlier, he didn't need to tell me what they were for. He got back on top of me and I felt his cock on my thighs but I still hadn't spread my legs for him. He started to kiss me again, gently, lovingly like everything else has been. Then he pulled back and I looked into his eyes. They were so soft, so caring, I couldn't help but feel special.

"Just close your eyes and take a deep breath. Just relax, it won't hurt as bad if you're relaxed." I nodded my head and tried to relax but it was difficult. He started to kiss my neck again and rubbed the tops of my thighs with his hands. He stopped moving them, he rested them near the top so that his thumbs were pointing towards my private area. He gently put pressure on his thumbs and I slowly started to spread my legs open. He kept kissing my neck. He was getting a little faster but still soft and gentle, never a bad touch, never a painful touch. "That's it, come on now, just wrap 'em 'round my back." I felt the tip of his cock at my entrance as I lifted my legs up and wrapped them around his lower back. He gently entered me and I cried out in pain. "It's ok, I'll wait." He was inside me but he wasn't moving as my body got used to this new type of invasion. When my breathing started to slow I opened my eyes and slowly nodded my head.

He started to slowly thrust inside of me. Every movement hurt but I didn't stop him, didn't go against what he was doing. I just went with it. He was kissing my neck still and leaving little love bites. I was moaning out, mostly in pain, but a little in pleasure. He knew what he was doing, he's been with girls before, I knew this but I didn't care. I felt like I was the only one. The only one he's ever touched, the only one he'll ever touch again. He was groaning and he started thrust a little faster. I winced out in pain but he kept up the pace, didn't slow for a second, never stopped kissing my neck.

It felt like I was doing the splits for the first time, it hurt but now that a little time passed it wasn't as bad. He never said anything during, just kissed my neck, and I was running my hand through his hair a little, at the back of his neck. My heels were digging into the small of his back and he started to go a little faster. Then he pulled out suddenly and I gave a little sigh of relief. I kept my eyes closed and I felt him lie down next to me. I tried to snuggle up against him. This was all so new to me and I wanted to be held but he tensed and pulled away. I opened my eyes and looked at him. His soft blue eyes went a little cold. His blonde hair was a little messy because of me. I smiled at him and he didn't smile back. He sat up and started to get dressed. I was a little confused as I watched him pull up his jeans and then put on his shirt.

"Get dressed, we gotta get outta here." I got a little mad because of his tone. He's never talked to me like that before. I sat up and grabbed my shirt and covered up my breasts with it. I closed my legs so he couldn't see me, not that it mattered I guess. Kind of hard to be modest when you just got done fucking. Because that's all it was. I could pretend all I want that it meant something, that it was loving and special and that to him it was more then just screwing, but it wasn't. It was just a teenage boy who noticed that his female partner in crime was starting to develop so he fucked her before anyone else got the chance.

"Wait, just give me a fucking minute." I didn't sound mad, just overwhelmed. He shook his head and waited for a couple of minutes but he was irritated. What did I do wrong, was I not good or something? He comed so I must've done something right. But like I said earlier, little naive me just didn't understand. "Was I not good or something?" I had to ask because I always asked the questions that I thought I should, even if the smarter thing would have been keeping my mouth shut. He gave my body a once over and smiled wide, I smile back but then he speaks.

"Yeah, you were real good. You were so fuckin tight. Maybe we'll do this again, but right now we gotta go, so get your ass dressed." I looked away from him and he let out an irritated sigh. "Fine, walk back ta your house by ya self." And he left. I waited a few minutes before I got up. I slowly put my clothes back on, my eyes were starting to water up but I kept swiping the tears away. I looked down on the ground and saw the napkins just sitting there, mocking me. I broke down, starting crying like a little baby. My knees gave out and I sunk to the floor. I curled up into a little ball and cried myself to sleep.

Almost a year later is when I became the slayer. Not long after that I made my way to Sunnydale. I used my body to convince guys to hitch rides. I never had sex with them, just let them think that I was going to. I didn't sleep with anyone until Sunnydale, when it all became too much to take because of the slaying. I let everyone else believe that I was a lot sluttier then I really was because it was easier that way. I made up stories that they would want to hear and I acted a lot tougher then I really was. When I did have sex it was rough and raw and I was in control, I called all the shots and I told them just to go with it. Since that night no one's ever touched my bellybutton, not even B. I haven't told her why, haven't really told her anything about my past, except for that my mom was, or still is I'm not sure, an alcoholic and she was abusive. I haven't told her how abusive, and I probably never will.

I'm sitting down in this little shed, crying, trying to hide inside of myself. I want to disappear, I want to go away. I want to take so much back but I can't. I want to undo what I did that night with him, not because he took my virginity, not because it hurt or because I felt like whore afterwards, or because I never saw him again. It's because for a few minutes during, just for a few minutes, I thought he actually cared. I thought he loved me, if just for second. I thought he would take care of me. But he didn't, and I sealed myself off from everyone else. Buffy was the first one I've ever let in. She's the only one that I allowed myself to love and let them love back because I know for a fact that she'll take care of me, that she cares for me, that she loves me. I feel my eyelids getting heavy and I don't fight them as they slowly close and I drift off to sleep.

BPOV

Faith's been gone all night. After she left the bedroom and bumped into Spike she went into Matthew's room and I kicked Spike out of the house. I let him in because he needed to tell me something, he said that Angel had sent him. So I let him in. But he never told me anything about Angel or anything that Angel had said. He sat at the kitchen table and just kept talking about stuff that I didn't really care about. After she walked into the room and Matthew hit Spike she dragged me off to the bedroom and yelled at me. I got pissed but I could understand where she was coming from.

Anyway, I kicked Spike out and went looking for her. But I couldn't find her. Her car or bike wasn't gone, she wasn't outback because that's where I had just been, she wasn't out front and she wasn't in the training room. I saw that the punching bag was knocked to the ground, the chains had been broken. I remember doing that before the fight with Glory. But that's the reason why we had those chains magically protected, nothing should be able to break those. But it looks like Faith did, and she left a lovely hole in it as well. I can understand her being upset by the Kennedy/Willow situation but that pissed off? Something else is definitely going on.

I walk towards the living room and hear Matthew quietly crying in his bedroom. I stop cold and walk into his room. He's lying on his bed, the book that I bought him is opened and his knees are pressed up against chest and he's holding onto his legs tightly. I walk in and sit down next to him. He looks up at me and lunges at me. He wraps his arms around my neck and I hug him back. I start to slowly rock back and forth, and rub up and down his back gently. What the hell happened? He isn't still upset about the Spike thing is his? Does he think I'm going to yell at him or something?

"Shh, shh, what's the matter baby?" I ask and he cries a little harder. He starts coughing really hard and he pulls back away from me. He starts crying again but not as hard and he's wiping the tears away from his eyes. I gently reach out and use the back of my hand to wipe some away. "What happened sweetie? What's wrong?" He looks down at the book and my eyes follow his gaze. It's opened up more towards the middle. On the right side of the book there's a picture of Tokyo, Japan, it's night so the all of the city lights are on and it looks beautiful. On the other side of the book there's a picture of the Boston Harbor during the day. I sigh a little and can only guess what's coming next.

"Mama saw this. She got mad and she ran away. I made her mad and now she's not comin back." He starts to cry really hard again. I pull him to me and rest his head against my chest. I start rubbing his back again and let him cry. I know that if he's crying this hard then he won't be able to hear me. I wait a little bit and when he's calm he pulls back from me. I let go of him and close the book and put it on the dresser next to his bed. I stand up and open up the top drawer of his dresser and pull out a pair of his pajamas. I sit back down on the bed and slowly take off his shirt and put on the pajama shirt and then do the same with his pants, his shoes were already off. I take off his socks and then pick him up again. He clings onto me and I pull back the covers and gently lay him down. He's tired, he's cried himself out but I need to talk to him before he falls asleep.

"Mama didn't run away because of you. She's not mad at you, ok?" I ask and he shakes his head no. He doesn't believe me and now I really wish I had been there to see Faith's reaction to seeing that picture. "Matthew, Mama had a bad childhood." Should I be telling him this? Should I tell our son some of the secrets that Faith told me in confidence just to make him feel better? I don't know, and I really wish I did because I'm going to and if he ever says anything to her about it I pray that she understands my reasoning.

"Her mommy was mean to her and she didn't have any friends. People used to hurt her, and whenever she sees a picture of Boston she remembers all of the bad things that happened to her. Mama isn't mad at you for showing her that picture, she's mad at all of the people that used to hurt her. Understand?" He takes a few minutes to digest what I've told him. He doesn't question me and I thank the heavens for that because if he had asked for specifics I wouldn't have told him. Not only because he's only five and shouldn't hear things like that but because Faith hasn't really gone into it. "Goodnight baby, I love you." I lean down and give him a little kiss on the forehead. He kisses me on the lips and I smile at him. He hasn't done that for a while. He says a little 'love you too' but it's barely there because he's already half asleep. I get up and leave the room and turn out the light on my way out. I walk out into the living room, Willow's sitting on the couch, thank God she's out of that room. At least she's feeling a little better.

"Hey Will, how are you doing?" I ask as I sit down next to her. I'm getting a little hungry. We haven't had dinner yet and I wonder when Faith's going to get back. I know I could always heat something up but after a trying day like this I'd rather have something homemade. She looks a little grim but I don't really pay attention to it. I don't expect her to look happy for a while. She looks over at me, and there's worry in her eyes. Now that's a little strange. What's she worried about? From the looks that she's giving me it doesn't look like she's worried about herself or Kennedy, it looks like she's worried about me.

"I'm fine, better. Thanks for letting me stay here." I'm about to say something, to tell her that it's no problem whatsoever, but she keeps going. "I saw Faith a few minutes ago. She was leaning up against the door. I don't know for sure, but I think she was having a panic attack." What? Faith doesn't have panic attacks. That's crazy. But then again, she was angry enough to kill the punching bag and then she saw Spike and got really angry about that and then Matthew showed her that photo of Boston. Maybe all of those things put together was enough to send her a panic attack. "She took off running down the street, she's been gone for like five minutes." Now I'm worried. She just took off? Just like that? Well if she's really upset then I better go find her. I look over at the hallway, I can't just leave Matthew here though. He was so upset because Faith let, what if he wakes up and sees that I'm gone, what will he do?

"It's ok, I'll watch him for you. I already took the liberty of uninviting Spike, hope you don't mind. I hear you arguing with him earlier and you told him to leave and never come back so I thought I'd go ahead and put the block back up." I give her a small hug and tell her thank you. Then I slip my sandals on and grab my car keys off of the table. I leave and lock the door behind me. I get into my car and start to drive around. I go to the park first because that's where she goes when she needs to think. But she isn't there. I check some of the bars thinking that maybe if she had a panic attack she'd go out and drink to help take the edge off, but she isn't anywhere. I look everywhere I can think of but I can't find her. So after two hours of looking I finally go home.

When I get back Willow's already in bed and the only light on is the little table lamp on the end table next to the couch. I take off my shoes and sit down on the couch. I pick up the remote and start flipping through the channels. My stomach growls out for food but I don't want to eat anything. I'm too worried about Faith to eat. I know I should go out there right now and patrol, look around and see if maybe she just hit the cemeteries, but I don't. I can't just leave because Willow's in bed and I don't want to leave Matthew alone. It's not that I don't trust Willow because I do, but she's asleep and she doesn't have a slayer's hearing so if something happens, if someone breaks in or something she might not hear it. So I channel surf and the last thing I see before I go to sleep is the memory of the panicked look on her face when we were in the bedroom when she realized that she had left Matthew alone when Spike was in the house.

When I wake up I'm in my bed. How the hell did I get here? The last thing I can remember is looking for Faith. I sit up really quick and see that the bedroom door is open. There's no sound whatsoever and it's really starting to creep me out. I look over at the clock, it's nine pm. How is it nine pm when I didn't get home until around ten? Oh God, did I sleep for eleven hours? I think I did. My head hurts a little bit, probably from all of the stress, but I feel a little better. I get up and go into the kitchen. I let out a huge sigh of relief when I see Faith, sitting on the counter like she knows I hate, eating something out a bowl. I can tell that she's already gone patrolling. She looks a little distant, a little mad but distant.

"Hey baby, when did you get home?" I ask and try to sound as neutral as possible. I want to know what happened to her but I don't want to push it. I don't want her to withdraw and I don't want her mad at me. I just want to take her back to bed so I can cuddle with her because I really need my Faithy cuddles right now. She doesn't answer me, just keeps staring straight in front of her. Her eyebrows will furrow and then relax every couple of seconds, like she's remembering something. "Baby, you ok?" I take a couple of sets closer to her but she still doesn't look at me. I'm standing right in front of her now and it's like she's looking straight through me, I might as well rename myself to Casper. "Faith. Faith, hello? Earth to the space cadet." I wave my hand in front of her and still nothing. Damn, when she zones out she really zones out. I put my hand on her shoulder and I finally get a reaction, but a bad one. She winces and pulls back and she drops the bowl and it shatters on the floor.

"Buffy, didn't see you there. When did you wake up?" she asks, looking a little embarrassed. Something's wrong with her, that much is obvious. I bend down and start to clean up the glass very carefully. I see that she, hopefully she, has changed me into my carebear pajamas. Shut up, a girl is never too old for carebear pajamas and I don't care what you think. Anyway, I clean up the glass and then stand in front of her. She hasn't moved from her spot on the counter. I wrap my arms around her waist and rest my head on her shoulder.

"A couple minutes ago." I say very sweetly. I can almost taste the sugar on my tongue it's said so sweetly. "I missed you last night. Is everything ok? Willow said you looked a little..." I need to put it delicately or she might bolt. "Upset. Wanna talk about it?" I feel her tense up a little but I pretend not to notice. Don't really know why. Usually when she tenses up I'll pull back a little, give her her space but not tonight. Right now I just need to feel her against me, even if it's her just holding me like this.

"I'm fine, just stressed 'cause of all the shit that's happenin." I can tell she's lying. She's always been a bad liar. Her voice always gets a little more high pitched when she lies and she holds her breath for a few seconds afterwards, like she's bracing herself for the person's reaction or something. I let her get away with it, we can talk about it tomorrow I guess. Right now I just want to go back to bed. I can feel her heat up against my stomach and it's starting to drive me a little crazy. Might as well help her take care of those post slaying hornies. The work of a slayer is never done, yeah right 'cause I really look at hot lesbian sex with Faith as a chore, get a grip. I feel a little yucky though. I need to get a shower, I feel like I've been sweating, and there's almost nothing nastier then the feel of dry sweat.

"Baby, I'm gonna go get a shower, why don't you wait for me in the bedroom?" I say in my naughty voice. She always likes it when I use my naughty voice. I guess tonight is the exception. She lets go of me and I back up. I look up at her and she has this totally fake smile on her face, like everything is just right with the world. She leans in a puts a soft kiss on my forehead and then slides down off of the counter. Her body presses up against mine but either she doesn't care or she pretends not to notice. She steps around me and walks off to the bedroom. Ok, that was fucking weird.

I get my shower, this one is a long one. I usually take really short showers but tonight the water feels really good on my back and on my scalp and I don't want to leave it. It only takes me like fifteen minutes to wash my body and my hair, the other thirty is simply spent letting the water pelt my back and shoulders. I get out after the water is running ice cold. I dry myself off and then towel dry my hair. I put the pajamas back on because I know they're probably not going to be on for long and I can't help the little cringe at the gross feeling that the insides of the fabric has on it because of the sweat. I feel like taking another shower, but I've made Faith wait long enough. Maybe she's already started without me. I like catching her, it's fun to tease her about it because she gets all embarrassed and it's so cute.

So I walk into the bedroom still dabbing my hair with the towel. The lamp on my side of the bed is turned on but hers is off. She's under the covers, facing me, and she has that distant look on her face again. The white part of her eyes is dark and there are some tears running down her face and they land on the bed. She does nothing to wipe them away. It's like she doesn't even know I'm here or else she'd try to hide them because she doesn't like to cry in front of me. I close the door and sit down next to her. I gently reach forward and cup her cheek with my hand. She flinches so I pull my hand back. She's never done that before.

"Faith, what's wrong?" I ask but she doesn't answer. She sniffles and she wipes the tears away from her eyes and she glances at me for a second but then she looks forward again and starts staring. I reach out and put my hand on her hip, I need to touch her to try and comfort her, but again she flinches. It's like some part of her subconscious thinks I'm going to hurt her or something. "Baby please, what's the matter?" She just shakes her head no and doesn't look at me. If she won't talk to me then I can't help her. I can't make the hurt go away. I get up and put the towel on the back of the chair that's at the little vanity desk.

I crawl under the covers but leave the light on. I turn so that I'm facing her back. I know that she's knows that I'm watching her because her back muscles tense up a little bit. I reach out and gently touch the tight muscles, to try and massage the stiffness away but again she flinches. Ok, this is just getting annoying now. I ask her what's wrong one more time and again she remains silent. I can only wonder as to what's going on in her mind. And if she doesn't want to tell me then I can't help her. I feel a little rejected as I turn around and face away from her. The heel of my foot accidentally brushes against her calf and she fucking flinches again. What is wrong with her? I turn out the light and lay my head down on the pillow. I can hear her sniffle, hear the beginning of a sob but she holds it in. I close my eyes and try to ignore it because if I try to help her when she's like this then a big fight will happen, I know it.

I open my eyes again when I feel movement. I look over at the alarm clock and it reads eleven thirty-five. Somehow I must've dozed off. Seems pretty impossible after sleeping for eleven hours but whatever. Anyway, I feel her moving around, and I know she's asleep because the movement is a little twitchy and erratic. I roll over and I see her lying on her back with her hands above her head. The covers have been kicked down so they're by her knees and I can see that her legs are spread open a little bit. She's making this small moaning sound and then a couple of winces. Is she having a sex dream? Hmm, I wonder if I'm the one she's dreaming about. I scoot over so I'm only an inch or two away from her. I slowly lean over and place a small kiss on her neck.

"No." She says and she sounds like she's gonna cry. What? What is going on inside of that head of hers? "No, please." Is she dreaming about being raped or something? Was she ever raped? I don't know because she refuses to tell me anything about her past. "Don't just leave me here." Ok so it isn't a rape dream but I still want to know what's going on. I don't like not knowing when I'm this curious, it really pisses me off. "Billy please." Ok, I don't know who this Billy person is and the fact that she's calling out to him or her in her sleep is making me a little, annoyed. I know you can't control what you dream, but I would like her to be dreaming about me because I dream about her. Maybe this is from her childhood? I don't know. I reach out and gently shake her shoulder.

"Faith." She still sounds like she's going to cry. She's whimpering a little bit and her legs are thrashing around a little. "Faith, sweetheart, wake up. Faith, it's just a dream. Faith." She finally starts to wake up and when she does she looks confused, like she doesn't know where she is. It takes her a few minutes to realize that it's me lying next to her, and that she's in our bedroom. She breaths in a deeply and lets out a sigh. She's sweating and her breathing is still a little labored. "Wanna talk about it? Please baby, tell me what's been bothering you."

I want her to open up to me, I want to know what's been eating away at her, what got her so pissed off that she broke a magically reinforced punching bag. But she doesn't. She looks into my eyes for a few seconds with this look of sadness and hurt and then she rolls over so she's facing away from me. I feel very rejected to say the least. I roll over onto my other side so I'm facing away from her. If she doesn't want to tell me, then fine, she doesn't have to tell me. She can just let it all build until she drives herself insane.

I feel her move again. She's rolling over on the bed so that she's facing my back. I really don't want to look at her right now. I feel her move my hair away from my neck and she starts to kiss the now exposed skin. Her lips are a little dry and her breath is really hot. She snakes her arm around and lets it rest on my stomach. She starts to trace the outline of my bellybutton with her thumb. Then her hand moves up and she pushes on my shoulder so I'm lying on my back. She keeps kissing my neck and my body starts to react to her touches. I'm already getting wet and my legs are automatically spreading open a little, waiting for her to go lower. I try to get her to stop because this isn't like her. She's usually talkative and at least makes sure that I'm still awake before doing this.

"Faith, wait." I say and press up on her shoulder but she doesn't stop. She isn't being very gentle about it either. She's usually so gentle with me in the beginning and she doesn't get rough unless I want her to. But now, it's like she doesn't even know it's me. It's like she's treating me like one of her conquests, like she just plans on using me then losing me. "Faith, stop. Stop it." I push up really hard and she backs off. She looks confused and I know I look a little mad. She sits up and then cups my cheek with her hand like I had tried to do earlier.

"What's the matter, B?" Ok, I need her to be a little more serious right now. I sigh and I place my hand over hers, the one that's still cupping my cheek. I gently rub the back of it with my thumb and I see her smile. Maybe it's just me, maybe she wasn't acting strange just now and I'm just a little sensitive because of everything that's going on? I don't know.

"It's just…" I don't really want to tell her in case it was just me. But I do because we're girlfriends, lovers, partners, whatever you want to call us, and we're supposed to be honest with each other. "You were being a little rough, that's all." She smiles a sweet smile, the smile that I can never say no to, and I always crumble under. She leans forward and gently brushes her lips up against mine. It's a nice, slow, tender kiss and I quickly get lost in it. I open my mouth to deepen it and she pulls back. She starts kissing my neck again and I get wrapped up in her touch. This feels good, it's just what I needed. After dealing with all of the stress and hearing all of the sadness it's good to know that you're loved. She bites down on my skin and I wince in pain. She usually nibbles, just tiny little love-nips, but this was a full on bite. "Be gentle." I tell her but she either doesn't hear me or pretends not to.

"Just go with it, B." She tells me and my brows furrow. She climbs on top of me and starts to slowly grind against me. It feels pretty good that is until she starts to speed up. Her movements are rough and hard and it's starting to hurt a little. I grab onto her hips to get her to slow down but then she grabs onto my wrists and holds my hands above my head. She's still kissing my neck as she continues to hump me rough and hard. She lets go of my wrists and reaches down and starts to pull off my pajama bottoms. I stop her and she looks at me with that confused look again.

"Faith. You're not being gentle. You're hurting me a little bit. Please, just don't if you can't calm down." She smiles again, that smile that I always crumble under and I find myself becoming very…crumbley. She reaches down and continues to pull on my pants. I help her take them off because her touch is a lot softer now. Then she takes off her underwear, and then mine. She sits up so she can lift off her shirt, and I help her take off mine. Her lower body is on my thigh and she's lightly grinding up against it, smearing her wetness all over it as she softly kisses my neck. She's a lot calmer now, a lot gentler and I sigh a small breath of relief. That is until she bites me again. I very painful bit right on the side of my neck. I think she's been hanging vampires for way too long. Maybe it is time we retire as slayers.

"Ow, Faith, don't do that." She licks the mark that she's left on my body and the pain lessens. She starts to ride my leg a lot harder. I feel one of her hands snake its way down my body. She scrapes her fingernails on my abdomen and it hurts a little bit and I wince. I'm about to say something, to get her off of me, to try and get her talk to open up, but before I can she enters me with three fingers. "Ow! Faith." She takes that as a sign to continue, at least that's what it seems like and she starts thrusting into me very roughly. She's sucking on my neck now and it doesn't feel pleasant like it normally does. She takes her fingers out of me to my relief but then she slides off of my leg. She spreads my farther apart and positions herself so that we're clit to clit. The kisses on my neck have softened a lot but I doubt it'll stay that way for long.

"Faith, please." Before I say anything else she's thrusting against me, rough and raw. It hurts, I don't think this has ever hurt before but it does now. She clamps down on my neck, she bites but she doesn't let go. "Ouch! Faith stop!" I scream and she finally stops moving. She looks up at me the confused look is on her face again and I just want to smack it off. I push her off of me so she's lying on her side of the bed. She asks what's the matter but I ignore her. I roll over onto my side so I'm facing away from her. I grab onto the covers and pull them up my body and hold them tightly against me. Her touch comforted me earlier in the kitchen, and I craved more of it. Now her touching me is the last thing that I want her to do. I asked her to be gentle, to calm down how many times? I can't take this. I can't take it and I start to break down. My sobs are quiet at first but they get louder and louder until I can't hear anything else. I feel her hand on my side and I flinch and pull away.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I get up and run out of the room. I'm still nude but I don't care. There're towels in the bathroom along with one of my bathrobes so when I leave there that's what I'll put on. I close the door and lock it and then turn on the shower to help cover up the sounds of my tears. I can't believe her. What happened that was so fucking horrible that she treated me that way? Was that her revenge for inviting Spike into the house? First she threatens to take Matthew away and now she makes me feel violated? I hear someone knocking on the bathroom door. It's not Faith because I can always feel when she's near, the same goes for Matthew.

No, this is Willow, but I don't want to see anyone right now. Apparently she doesn't care that I want to be alone. She magically unlocks the door and steps into the room. I'm sitting on the floor, my legs tightly pulled up to my chest to cover my nakedness. I'm leaning up against the sink, my face is buried in my knees and I'm sobbing very hard. I look up when I feel her wrap something around me. It's a blanket, I guess she just assumed I would be naked or something. She sits down next to me and wraps her arms around me and pulls me close to her. I rest my head on her shoulder and cry. Kind of funny if you think about it. Earlier I was comforting her because her lover left and now she's comforting me because mine wouldn't back off. I want to ask her if this is some type of sign. I want to ask her if Kennedy was acting strangely before she left because I'm seriously starting to think that Faith is going to leave me soon.

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A/N: _I know that went pretty...dark, but anyone who's read almost any of my other stories knows that I usually take them to a dark place at least once. This is the darkest that this story is going to go, to once I get the updates written and the happiness is back it'll be pretty light hearted after that. At least for a while._


	6. Releasing The Demons

A/N: _the italis represents voices that only Faith can hear._ Enjoy your update, remember to review...please.

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**The Following Night.** BPOV

I'm walking through the cemetery on a night that's very cool and crisp. It's almost like the weather's mocking me. It's pointing at me and singing out: 'isn't it a great night for a romantic stroll in the park? What's wrong, Buffy, where's your sweetheart?' I hate it when the weather is so nice when I'm feeling so shitty. After last night with Faith…I've been quiet and distant from everyone, especially her. She hasn't tried to apologize yet. She rarely does for anything unless she knows it's really fucked up. And I can tell she knows what she did is very wrong and one of the worst violations she could ever do to me, but I know that she's still trying to figure out a way to say it. I can see it in her eyes when she looks at me. She wants to tell me what happened, what caused her to do that, but she doesn't know how to put it into words.

And I don't have the nerve to approach her about it. I'm not physically afraid of her, haven't been since she got out of prison, but I don't want it to turn into a big fight. This is a very delicate situation and I don't want it to get any more out of hand because I couldn't just wait a couple days. I'm afraid that if we fight over this then she'll leave me, that she'll just get too stressed and feel like she's cornered. She thinks that I don't know, she thinks that I'm so fucking clueless but I know her better then she gives me credit for. She feels cornered and she gets this restless feeling, like she's being boxed in and she has to get away. She gets like that sometimes when I touch her when she's having really deep thoughts or something is bothering her. I stop when I feel a very familiar tingle at the back of my neck. Oh my God!

"Oh my God, are you serious? Are you fucking serious? You come all the way up from L.A. saying you have a message from Angel and I invite you in thinking the world is going to end or something, you don't tell me shit except for some very unimportant stuff, you disrespect my girlfriend on purpose and now you're fucking stalking me? Spike, you better just get the hell out of town because I'm on my last damn nerve, so unless you have something **_very_** damn important that you need to say just say it so you can leave." Ok so I probably shouldn't have told him to say something very damn important because what's important to Spike isn't always important to me. He walks up to me and puts out his cigarette. Because of Faith I've gotten used to the smell of cloves and I kind of like it now, but what he's smoking is different and I want to vomit because of all the horrible dirty memories I get from it. Don't you just hate sense-memory?

"Look I know it's been years since we've seen each other, mostly because last time your honey tried to kill me." I smile at the memory. Six months after Matthew was born I got a call from Angel, just one of those rare 'how are you doing?' calls, and I told him about the baby, why wouldn't I? He was happy for me but apparently he told some other people and word got out. When Spike heard he came up to visit to take a look and see what my child looked like. We had gone out to eat at the local Applebee's, and he approached us in the parking lot. Because Matthew was so young Faith was always in slayer mode whenever we took him somewhere, especially at night, so was I but hers has always been a lot fiercer then mine. As soon as we saw Spike walking towards us she tried to kill him, and we haven't seen him since. That is until two nights ago.

"But through all of these years my feelings for you haven't changed, not a bit. Well, a little. They've gotten stronger." Oh my fucking God! His he serious? Apparently so because he isn't laughing and he looks just as serious as the first time he told me that he loved me, you probably remember, Drusilla was in town, and he tied both of us up? Yeah you remember, I know you do. Anyway, I look at him with even more disgust as that first time, but he's always been stubborn. "Hey, stop with the face. It's true, I love you. I came here to get you back." I let out a snort that turns into a chuckle, that turns into a small laugh, that turns into maniacal laughing, and finally it turns into hysterical laughter where I'm bending over holding my stomach trying to breathe before I die. After about ten maybe fifteen minutes I finally calm down, I have tears running down my face and I wipe them away. After all this craziness it felt damn good to laugh like that. At least Spike is good for something, and a laugh as his expense is something I'll never pass up.

"Why would I run off with you? I don't love you. Sure there used to be some tiny little feeling because you helped me when I needed it, and you gave up your undead life for the world, but Spike, I'm not in love with you. I love Faith, I'm with Faith. Have been for the last seven years, will be for the rest of my life. We have a son together, why would I just leave all of that for you?" I really want to know his answer so I wait a little impatiently and twirl the stake in my hand like I used to do back in high school. Oh yeah, I still got it.

"You really think your relationship with her can last?" Ok, I'm getting ready to smack him. I'm not going to sit here and let him badmouth her, even if I am feeling a little out of sorts because of what she did, I still love her and I'm going to defend her to anyone who is talking shit. "She was raised with nothing but suffering, and abuse, and pain. She doesn't know how to love because she was never taught how. I know people like that, Buffy, and she may be fine now but all of that…hatred is going to catch up to her. And she may be able to pretend that it didn't happen and suppress it now but sooner or later the shit is going to hit the fan and when it does you will be caught in the middle. Your boy will be caught up in all of it." I pull my fist back and punch him in the face. Right in the eye and he falls backwards. I may have let him get away with the Faith stuff because I'm mad at her but **nobody** talks about my kid like that, especially not Spike. Even though he was on the ground and holding his eye he kept on talking. "She's dangerous, a murderer, once you cross that line there's going back." I snort at that and give him a 'what are you on?' type of look.

"So says the vampire. Slaughtered half of Europe, dated a deranged lunatic for over a century, tried to kill me, my friends, and my family more then once. Any of this ringing a bell? You may have a soul Spike, but you are far from good. She is better then you by far and if you honestly believe that I'd actually leave her for you, that I'd leave my son for you…well you need to get your fucking head checked." He stood up and let go of his eye. It's black and starting to swell. He looks me in the eyes with sympathy and this look like 'just hear me out will ya?'

"I've changed, I have a soul now. She killed those people, she tried to kill you and she had a soul, what do you think that says about her? And the boy, you can bring him with us. She's not at the house, ran to the store for Red about fifteen minutes ago. Lets go back, pack your bags, grab your kid and let's get the hell outta here." He sounds a little desperate and I feel so disgusted. I punch him in the face again and he stumbles back. "Fine, Buffy, be that way. But you'll see it. She's going to start changing if she hasn't already. She'll get a little angrier then normal, a little rougher where she used to be smooth. She'll turn on you then she'll turn on your kid and by the time it happens it'll be too late to stop." Before I can hit him again, before I can say anything he walks away, his coat all billowy in the wind as he pulls out another cigarette and lights up. I can't help but think that he might be right. It's only for a fraction of a second though, not even a whole second because I know that if she ever did 'turn on me' she'd never hurt Matthew. And I know that she'd never hurt me either. But then again, she already did. She did hurt me in a way that should never happen especially by a loved one. Maybe Spike is right after all.

I continue to wonder around aimlessly. The cemeteries here are nothing like they were in Sunnydale. Shasta Lake itself doesn't have any cemeteries that are still being used. There's one not far from us but it's a Native American burial ground, no joke, and because not very many people are buried there anymore we only go to it when we read in the paper that someone is being buried there, which like I said isn't often. To get to the others I have to walk a long ways or drive, which ever. But there are only two, to get to the other one we have to drive even farther out. Sometimes I miss Sunnydale, there were like six cemeteries and all within walking distance. And because of the hellmouth there was always some type of evil that needed to be slayed. But here, it's quiet. There are a lot of vampires I can feel them, but they're mellow, they don't attack as often as the ones in Sunnydale. The body count is way lower which is great, gotta love a low body count, but sometimes, I just get bored.

I decide to leave the cemetery because it's dull tonight. No action here at all. I go to the park and start to walk around. I will admit that they do have a nice setup here. Nice long trails for me to walk down, lots off cool grass and plenty of benches to rest on when I get too caught up in my thoughts and I need to sit down so I don't trip over anything. But tonight I'm not that distracted. I'm even able to sense him when he walks up. I stop in my tracks and let out a sigh. My shoulders slump down a little and a allow myself to smile a little bit. Even though I'd rather not see him right now, it is kind of nice.

"I thought you said you were going to stop following me around," I say in a mock-serious tone. He knows I'm only kidding around with him. He steps forward, out of the shadows and I'm reminded of all the other times he's done this. I don't turn around to face him but I know that he's there, and I know he's going to say something. I kind of like our little word games, they're pretty fun.

"Old habits are hard to break. Besides, I'm not here to follow you. We need to talk." Ouch, that stings. I finally turn out and a let out a sigh. He looks concerned and I'm a little grateful. I know that we'll never be together again, he knows that but I'm glad that ever after all these years he's still looking out for me. Ok, how mushy am I? I shake my head at his words and put my stake back in the pocket of my jacket. It's slow here tonight too.

"Don't you know not to start a conversation with 'we need to talk'? It's very bad juju." I swear to God if Faith makes me watch more one episode of Grey's Anatomy again I just might break the television. I know it's a great program, and I kind of like watching it because of the drama, but there's a little too much blood for me, and when those two people where stuck together by that pole because of the train accident, how sick was that? I know that Faith only watches it for that blonde, her miss Dr. Stevens. She's hinted at role-play before and I know exactly who she wants me to be. Ok, I'm babbling again. I look over at him and he's not smile, he didn't even let out a little 'you're still as crazy as ever' laugh by my use of the word juju. I give and I give and what do I get? A stone hard look. This must be serious.

"You probably already know that Spike's back in town." I let out a very irritated laugh. "But he did come here for a reason. I couldn't get away from things in L.A. so I sent him instead. I realize now that I probably should have sent Wesley or Gunn, I think you might have even preferred Cordelia, but the news is kind of important." I sigh and lead him over to a park bench. We sit down and I look into his eyes. The moonlight is reflecting off of them and I can remember the exact moment when I realized that I loved him. But that's all in the past, I wouldn't change any of it, ok well maybe some of the things I did with Spike because they were depraved and belittling, but if Angel hadn't have gone evil, then we never would have realized that we couldn't be together, and I wouldn't have Faith, I wouldn't have Matthew, I wouldn't have everything I love today.

"Ok Angel, you wanna get to the point here soon because I have some more avoiding that I need to get done." It was supposed to be a joke, but he never takes any of that stuff lightly. And because I just couldn't keep my big mouth shut he's looking at me with even more concern, like he did when I came back that Summer after I had died, and when I started hanging out with Faith and started to run with her wild lifestyle. He'll always worry about me, and I can't help but love him for it. Love as in the kind of love that you have for an ex-lover who you still care about. I'm not in love with him, not anymore, I haven't been for a while.

"I stopped by your place earlier, nice house by the way." I smile and nod a thank you. "I didn't knock or anything, I just wanted to see if you were there. Things seemed kind of…tense. Faith she hasn't, and I mean this in the best way possible, but she hasn't gone insane again, has she?" I look away from him and stare straight ahead. My arms are folded across my chest now. I know what he's asking. He wants to know if she's psychotic and if she's killing again, which is a big no. Insane though? I don't know, maybe just a little. What with the panic attack and her freaking out and running away, and not to mention last night's roughness…I think she might be starting to slip.

"No." He can tell that I don't sound too convinced of that answer myself. I look over at him and then look away. Things are starting to grow tense between us and I don't like it. I'm staring out into the darkness and he's staring at me. I know he's going to say something to me, to question me on it further. I haven't talked to anyone about what happened. After I calmed down in the bathroom last night I washed my face, put on a bathrobe, took the blanket that Willow had given me and slept on the couch. I didn't want to talk about it with her, she has enough to deal with already. And I don't think he wants to talk about this, not fully, but I know he wants me to let him in at least a little bit.

"It's just…there's a lot going on. Kennedy cheated on Willow and then left her, Faith is really upset about that. And with Matthew in school now we have to find different ways to keep our minds busy, and I think she's going a little stir crazy from just being at home. She doesn't want to get a job because she isn't even a high school graduate. And there's other things, things that she won't talk about. Things from her past, she won't talk to me about her childhood or anything.

"But last night she was asleep and she started calling out to someone named Billy, and it was like she was begging him not to leave her. I woke her up and she wouldn't talk about it. After a few minutes she…we…tried...to make love." I stopped to gauge his reaction on that. Talking about having sex with someone with Angel is a tricky thing, not that I do it often. It's because he still loves me so much that the thought of me being with someone else that way makes him jealous. He stays neutral and I sent out a silent thank you.

"I say tried because it failed horribly. She was rough…she's never rough with me. She was biting my neck really hard, and she…was rough in other places too." I can't help but stare at my lap and he gets the idea. I feel him tense, he takes in an unneeded breath and he holds it. I hate it when he does that. "She almost didn't stop, I had to push her off me. I had asked her to be gentle and she would but it would only last for a couple of minutes." I have to stop because I can feel the tears start to build up in my eyes and if I'm not careful then I'll starting crying. And that's one of the last things that I want to do in front of Angel. "And I don't know what to do. She won't talk to me, she won't tell me what's going on...I'm afraid that it's going to get to a point that we can't go back from, and I love her so much, I don't want to leave her. I don't want to get to the point where we hate each other. Angel, what am I supposed to do?"

He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him. I rest my head on his chest and he lets me cry. He whispers some soothing words, tells me that everything will be ok, but he doesn't try to stop my tears, he just lets me get it all out, which I'm thankful for. When I finally calm down I pull back and look at him. He tells me not to worry about what he was going to say before, that he can take care of it himself. He leans down and leaves a soft kiss on my forehead and I watch as he gets up and walks away, into the darkness, leaving me here alone, feeling very uncertain about my future.

FPOV

Red asked me to run out to the store for her, says she could really use something to drink and not in the soda sense either. She asked for something specific so now I'm standing in the middle of a packie…I mean liquor store, in the middle of a liquor store trying to find what Red asked for. She hasn't taken the whole 'Kennedy taking off' thing very easy and I'm surprised that she's waited this long for the booze. And from her request I can tell she's a lightweight because anyone who's used to drinking heavy, like me, wouldn't ask for cheery schnapps. I'm staring though at all the different colors, all of the different shapes and I can't help but be tempted. Buffy would kill me if I drink a drop though so I'm not going to. I find what Red was askin for and I take it to the counter. The clerk is a woman I know, have known for a couple years now. Her name is Jessica, mother of a girl named Jennifer. Jennifer is Mattie's age and they used to play at the park together every Friday, she's in his kindergarten class now.

"Hey Fai." The problem with Jessica is she has to give nicknames to people, a lot like me only she isn't all badass. I hate that she calls me Fai, but whatever. I don't let it bother me because I know that if I correct her it'll come out rude and Jessica is a nice lady, doesn't deserve my bad tongue, so I keep quiet about the subject. I mumble a hello and she rings up the bottle. "You ok? Last time you were in here you bought a bottle of JD, this is a little weak for you. You're not buying for teenagers are you?" She's teasing I can tell by the big smile on her face. I smile back, this girl has a pair on her I'll give her that.

"Naw. Friend of mine got dumped, she's a lightweight, wanted me to pick this up for her." She nods her head in that all-knowing way. She's only twenty-three but she's seen a lot in her time here on earth. Was raped by her uncle, an uncle by marriage so no blood relation, at the age of seventeen, her dad used to hit her a lot, her mom was bipolar and always flipping out on her. Her life was worst then mine, I know that, I'm not above admitting that her problems are more sever, but she came out of it all ok. She doesn't act badass and wear leather. Hell, she works at a little store and she's wearing pink. She's way too nice, I think, considering what happened to her. I don't know, I'm going to stop thinking about it because I'm getting ahead.

"Haven't seen you at any of the ptm's, where ya been?" Ptm, short for parent teacher meeting. I think there's one like every two weeks or something. The school likes to keep the parents informed of what's going on so once every two weeks they gather up most of the parents and sit them down and lecture then for and hour and a half. But I've been banned. "You haven't come since that first one. What, the little misses didn't like that you chewed out Creep Magee?" Creep Magee, the nickname for that Derrick guy because he's creeping and has hit on all of the moms, and because Magee is a funny name.

"Guess not since I haven't been back." We share a laugh and she shakes her head as if to say 'you're so whipped'. And I am, I can't help it. Buffy's tamed me a lot and as much as I want to remain that cool badass smooth talkin slayer that I was back in Sunnydale, I'm not. I've changed and I'm still trying to figure out if it's for the best or not. Is this something that I wanted to become? Is this something that I can live with for the rest of my life? I have no idea, but I'm willing to find out because I think she's worth it, Mattie's worth it, and I don't want to just walk away from them and happiness. "I'll catch ya later."

We say our goodbyes as she put the bottle in a paper sack and then hands it to me. I take it from her and nod a thank you before walking out the door. I had to park my car down a little ways because of the lack of parking spaces. As I'm walking down the sidewalk I see none other then Kennedy. She looks horrible, way worst then when I saw her at the hotel room, and she fucking reeks of booze. She doesn't notice me. She's too busy walking fast and heading towards the liquor store. I grab her by the upper arm and spin her so she's facing me. She looks into my eyes. She's been crying, that much is wicked obvious. She looks so out of it, so far away, the look in her eyes alone is causing my heart to tighten.

"How many have you had today?" She knows exactly what I'm talking about. She doesn't say anything though and tries to walk away but I tighten my grip on her arm and pull her back towards me. "How many, Kennedy?" I'm not about to let my best friend become a boozehound because of this breakup. It's wicked painful, and yes it's going to take a long time to heal, but alcohol isn't the way to go. She looks down and runs a hand through her matted hair. She looks so…trashy. If I didn't know her I'd definitely be givin her some strange looks.

"Four." She answers so softly that I almost done hear it. "Four bottles, all absolute. I need it Faith, it's the only thing that makes it stop." We just stand there and my grip loosens a little. I sigh deeply and watch as she looks back up at me. She looks into my eyes, fresh tears are in her and I know that if she starts to cry I just might break down too. "I can still feel her, the pain, the anger. We connected on a mystical level, we can feel each other, and I need to make it stop. I have to make it go away." I know the answer is probably pretty fuckin obvious, but that's never stopped me from asking.

"Why?" She looks away from me and tries to walk away again but she's not going anywhere, I won't let her. I'm going to let her fall into a black hole of self-hatred and self-pity. Once you're there it's hard to get out. Add that on top of the pain of a breakup and you're screwed.

"Because she's hurting so bad right now. Right now, this moment, I can feel it. She feels like her world has been ripped away and only the bad parts are left. Like there's this big missing piece, and I did that to her. I want to make it better, I want to see her, to talk to her, but I'm afraid she'll just send me away, or turn me into a rat or something. I know I deserve it, but I don't think I can take anymore." I know the feeling. I wrap my arms around her in a big hug and she nuzzles into my neck a little. It feels weird hugging her, and having her nuzzle me like that. This is Kennedy, she's just as butch as I am, well maybe a little less, but you get what I'm trying to say, right? I know I probably shouldn't do this, I know that it might cause some problems, but I just can't stay out of it. She wants to see Willow, she wants to get back together with her, she feels like a total bitch for doing what she did…I just can't help but feel sorry for her.

"I'm gonna ask you some questions and you better answer honestly because I'll know if you're lying or not and if you are then you can forget that I'm thinking of helping you, alright?" She nods her head yes and looks down at her hands. I reach out and use my thumb and forefinger to gently ease her chin up so she's looking at me. "Do you want to get back together with her?" All she can do is nod her head yes. She's too overcome with emotion to speak right now. I guess the hug was a bad idea after all. "Do you still love her?" She nods again, more vigorously this time. I sigh and run a hand though my unruly locks. I can't believe I'm going to do what I'm about to do. "Have you been with anyone else since the Barbie?" I ask. I know she hasn't been with Willow since Willow's business trip. According to Willow's upset ranting they slept together before she went to San Francisco but not when she got back. Kennedy shook her head no and I sigh in relief. I take her by the wrist and lead her to the car. She gets in and I start the car and take off for the house.

When we get there I can see Willow sitting in the living room. She's doing something with Mattie, putting together a puzzle I think, but I can't really tell. She looks better then she has all day and today was a particularly bad one. But mood swings are to be expected so we aren't faulting her for it. I sigh again and pick up the bottle that's still in the bag. Kennedy looks over at me and wipes the tears from her eyes. She isn't looking at the window and I know why. I know that if she sees Willow then she'll jump out of the car and run to her and right now she needs to be calm, she can't do the impulsive thing because that's what got her into this mess in the first place.

"Wait out here. If she says she doesn't want to talk to you you're not going to talk to her. I know you're hurting but you're the one that fucked up so you're going to do this on her terms, got it?" My voices wasn't mean, I didn't sound mad, I was just giving it to her straight because being honest with Kennedy is something I've always been. I give her the objective point of view, sort of like the voice of reason. Where she needs me to keep her level and give her a good smack every once in a while I need her to be the one to open up to.

I feel bad now because I almost feel like I'm cheating on Buffy, like I have been for years. She's the only one I've had sex with, but when it comes to my past, about the things I've done, the people I've done, the things that happened to me as kid, Kennedy knows more then I'll ever tell Buffy. So it's almost like I'm cheating on her emotionally, does that make sense? Anyway, Kennedy nods her head yes and I get out of the car. I walk into the living room and set the bottle down on the coffee table. Mattie locks eyes with my and I nod my head towards the hallway. He gets up and goes into his room without questioning me. That's one thing that drives B insane, he questions her on almost everything but he listens to me and rarely asks why I'm telling him to do something. Willow looked up at me with this confused look and I sat down next to her on the couch.

"Look, I don't know how you're going to take this but I ran into Kennedy while I was picking up your poison. She feels like a bitch for what she did, regrets it, and hates herself for it. She knows that it was a mistake and she wants to talk to you. I've already explained that because you're here and so…fragile, that if she's going to try and get ya back she's going to do it on your terms. She's waiting out in the car, if you don't want to see her I'll drive her back to where she's been staying, if you want to talk to her, well, she's waiting." I turn and look out the window. Kennedy's looking at us, this hopeful look in her eyes. I can see that she's conflicted and I can guess what she's thinking. I'd probably think it too.

"She says she hasn't been with anyone since…well ya know, and I believe her. She wouldn't lie to me, you know that, I know, and unborn child over in China knows it." Never take anything too seriously, that's one of my philosophies, now if I can just learn to do it a little more things will be fine. "She's sorry Willow, just give her a chance, hear her out? If she don't like she has to say I'll make sure she never comes near you again, even if I have to shadow you around for the rest of your life." She smiles and laughs a sad laugh, mostly because she knows it's true.

"I want to talk to her, but I don't want to be left all alone with her. Buffy's still out patrolling, will you wait in your bedroom while we talk?" I nod my head yes. Yeah right, like I'm gonna leave and miss out on this. I give her knee a supportive squeeze and turn around. I look at Kennedy through the window and motion her to come inside. She jumps out of the car and runs up to the door. She doesn't knock, which is fine, she just walks in and before she says a word I stand up and back up a little bit so that I can see both of them. I'm not going to just let them have this talk in my house without laying down some ground rules first. I know they need to talk to each other, and Willow needs to get out the anger, but I have a kid here, I can't just let them fight.

"Ok, some rules before you two start. No yelling. If either of you get pissed off and start raising your voices then you'll either have to stop talking for now or go somewhere else because I'm not going to let you get into a fight here, Mattie's upset by this situation enough as it is. No door slamming, keep the insults and bad language to a minimum." They both give me this small smile. So I'm tame now, so fucking what? "If you guys do resolve this and need some...private time, Red cast a barrier spell around your room 'cause Mattie hears enough from me and B. Ok, I'll be in the bedroom - actually I better wait outside, 'cause if Buffy comes home and sees Kennedy here...I don't think I need to say more."

I give them a small smile and then walk into the kitchen. I open up the cupboard above the microwave and pull out a fresh pack of cigarettes and a new lighter. Then I go outside and sit on the steps of the front porch. I decide not to listen in on their conversation because if I was having problems like that with B I would want some privacy. Then I realize, I am having problems with B. What I did to her...I feel sick every time I think about it. I can't really explain why I did what I did. I remember having that dream, I remember lying on the floor of that small room and him walking away from me but instead of being quiet I call out to him, I try to get him to stay. I remember feeling all alone and scared and abandoned, and like I was nothing. I remember wanting to jump up off of the floor but it's like I was paralyzed and he stopped walking and was just standing at the door, trying to decide if he should stay or not. Buffy woke me up before I could see if he stayed with me or just abandoned me.

After that it gets kind of hazy. I remember needing to feel her, needing to touch her. I needed it so badly that I felt like I would die inside if I didn't get it. It was like there was this empty hold in the pit of my stomach gnawing away at my inside and getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it felt like I was empty, nothing, and her touch and taste would have made it all better. She would have made me whole again. So I started to kiss her and then it was like I became someone else, like something was possessing me. I was able to overcome it a couple of times, but only when she stopped me from what was happening. After I got control I would go slow again, be soft and gentle like she asked me to and then it was like something just took over and I didn't have any control over anything that I was doing. It felt like I was a third person looking in, like I was being pushed to the back of my mind and forced to watch as something else ravished my girl. Pretty fucked up huh? Maybe I am going crazy again.

I turn around when I hear the front door open and out walks Mattie. He knows not to be around me when I'm smoking so instead of standing next to me where he'll inhale the smoke he stands out in the yard, at least five feet away. I worry a little because he's out of my arms' length and it's night, but I know that if anything where to happen I'd be down there within the blink of an eye, possibly quicker, and he can defend himself a little. He doesn't say a word as he sits down on the grass and crosses his legs Indian style. He rests his elbows on his knees and then his chin in his hands, he looks bored, but also a little worried. I'm about to ask why he came out here but he beats me to it.

"They're gonna start yelling soon. Can you feel it?" I furrow my eyebrows at him, confused by the question. But I concentrate anyway and let my slayer senses crawl their way into the house. Things are getting tense, there's this negative energy in the air and Willow's getting pretty pissed off. Kennedy's trying to explain why she was feeling like that and Willow is getting mad because Kennedy isn't explaining herself right. She just can't say the right thing. Yep, there's going to be yelling soon, the feeling is definitely in the air. You can almost count down to it just by the feel of the energy. You can feel it building and building and soon there's gonna be-

"Oh my God!" Oh yeah, Willow's pissed. I hope they don't break anything, I'm in the dog house as it is. "We were in a relationship Kennedy, when you're in a relationship you tell your partner what you're feeling. You don't just keep shit like that bottled up!" Ok, that's like two of my rules being broken at the same time. "If we're going to make this work then you have to be able to trust me! I might not understand why you're feeling certain things but that doesn't mean I'm going to be mad at you for feeling them! I'm sorry that I wasn't around as much because of my job, I'm sorry that you were ignored, but I didn't see you reaching out. I didn't see you trying to get my attention to talk to me. You never said a word, you said you were happy for me. How am I supposed to know that you're feeling ignored and abandoned when you tell me that you're happy for me and that everything is ok!"

I hear her take a deep breath. Now that she's gotten the yelling out of her system they'll be able to talk about this a little more rationally. Her voice is lower when she starts talking again so I stop listening. I look over at Mattie and he lets out a little sigh. I take the last drag of my cigarette and smash out the cherry on the porch and then put the butt in this little flowerpot that I use as an ashtray. I hold out my arms to him and he stands up and walks towards me. I wrap my arms around my boy, and turn him so that his back his against my chest. I give him a kiss on the side of the head and rest my chin on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around him and sits down in my lap.

It's nice just holding him like this, having this quiet moment to ourselves without all the drama and the noise. I feel him let out a small sigh. He turns his head a little and nuzzles his nose into my neck. I tighten my grip on him a little and I smile a small happy smile. Even with everything as crazy as it is I can always count on him to cheer me up some even if it's just being quiet like we are now. I almost want to scream when I feel him tense up, and only seconds after that I feel that familiar little tickle at the back of my neck. It isn't who I thought it was going to be though, which is good.

"Don't worry, baby, he's not going to hurt you," I whisper into Mattie's ear and he relaxes a little bit but the slayer inside of him is still on alert, so is mine but there's nothing I can do about that. Whenever a vampire is near I can feel her screaming out to me, telling me take action. I've learned to control it, but it's that voice, that desire for the hunt that's gotten me into trouble in the past. "So are you going to say hello or just stand in the shadows all night?" I feel my boy tense up some more as Angel gets closer. I run the back of my fingers down his arm, trying to sooth him. It works a little but I can tell that me and B are going to have to sit down and explain to Mattie what it is he's feeling whenever a vampire is near.

"Hello Faith. Who's this?" He knows who Mattie is, Buffy's sent him and the L.A. gang pictures over the years and the Queen C herself even made an appearance about two years ago, right before me and B hit that 'rough patch' in our relationship. Anyway, Angel is just trying to be polite which is nice, but the fact that he doesn't seem as broody as usual is kind of freaking me out. He's trying to act like something isn't wrong which always means that something is very wrong. I whisper in Mattie's ear and he relaxes a little more. I tell him that this is a good guy, a nice man who is a friend of his mommy's and even though he's sending off the warming signals he isn't going to hurt us.

"My name's Matthew, what's yours?" he asks and then stands up off of my lap and holds out his hand for Angel to shake. Angel looks at me and raises his eyebrow a little bit. I'm too busy smiling at my boy with a mother's pride to really respond to that. But Angel is respectful, like almost always, and bends down a little bit so he can shake Mattie's hand.

"I'm Angel." Mattie must give him a funny look or something. "Yeah, I get that a lot." I chuckle a little bit and Mattie sits down next to me. Now that he's in the presence of another guy he's going to try and act all big, and independent and grown up. It's really cute to watch. He puffs out his chest a little bit, tries to make himself look bigger, and he sits up really straight to make himself look taller.

He's around girls all of the time so whenever a guy does come over he tries to act like just another one of the guys, a buddy, someone that they'll respect and won't treat like a kid. Well, he acts like that with almost every guy. Like I said before, there's an exception to everything and this time Xander is that exception. Mattie doesn't like Xander and we can't figure out why. I sigh a deep sigh when I feel Angel's demeanor shift. He's serious now, so the reason for him coming here is about to be revealed.

"Hey Matthew." The tone of his voice is serious, but not mean or anything. He's talking to my boy as if he isn't five, like he is an adult and my respect for Angel grows a little more. "Why don't you go inside? I need to talk to your mom." He nods his little head and then gets up. He gives me this look though, and I know what he means by it. That's his slayer side coming out a little more, and he's silently telling me that he's going to be listening in, making sure that I'm ok, that if anything bad does happen then he'll be out here to help. He goes inside and closes the door. Angel sighs an unneeded sigh, I hate it when he does that. He looks over at me with...disappointment? What the fuck did I do?

"I'm only going to say this once so you better listen real good." I don't like where this is going. He may be a good guy and he saved me from my old way of living, but what makes him think that he can just come to my home and talk to me this way? I stand up and look him square in the eye. It isn't a challenge, well sort of, it's more of like a demand for respect. He sighs again but his tone is still the same and I can see that he's sizing me up. He hasn't done that in a really long time.

"I ran into Buffy." I tense up and now I hate where this is going. "She didn't tell me everything, just enough for me to get a really good idea of what's going on." Oh really? Are you sure about that big guy? He doesn't know what's going on because he doesn't live up here, he doesn't see us everyday and talk to us on a regular basis. "Redemption is hard Faith, I know that better then anyone. Things from your past are going to catch up to you, things that you thought were buried." So he got one thing right, big fucking deal. "Buffy loves you." Yeah, everybody with eyes knows this. Where has he been? "She thinks she's losing you to whatever is going on that you don't want to tell her about, and I think she's right."

"Oh you do, do you?" His jaw is set and his muscles are tensing a little bit. He doesn't like the fact that I'm questioning him on this. How much did Buffy tell him? Did she just bump into and give him a run down of our sex life? Ok, I understand that she needs to talk to someone about it. What happened was fucked up and really horrible and she probably as all of these emotions running inside of her now and she needs to vent, but to him? I've always been jealous of Angel when it comes to all things Buffy. He was her first, her first love, her first lover. We were becoming friends before he got back from hell and then things went downhill from there because she was distant and quiet and wouldn't tell me what was going on. Suddenly I feel like the world's biggest bitch because I've kind of been doing the same to her. Ok, I've been doing exactly the same to her, only there isn't a 'back from hell vampire' involved.

"Yeah I do." His tone is hard and I know that this could be leading to a fight if we're not careful. "Whatever is going on, whatever you're feeling you need to find a way to deal with it. You need to talk to her about it, let her in, tell her what's going on with you because she might be able to help. Talk about it with her, talk about it with Kennedy or whoever you hang out with a lot but just talk about it. Don't take it out on Buffy. I know you love her Faith, I know she's loves you. You're important to her, she doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. She wants to help, I get that, I understand where she stands. But I'm warning you now that if you hurt her, if you break that trust, if you violate her again, you will pay." I get angry because nobody talks to me that way. The only person I've ever let talk to me like that is Buffy, and his he Buffy? Is he a five three little blonde who always smells like lavender and can't cook to save her life? No, I didn't fucking think so.

"Now you listen to me." My voice is angry, threatening. Before I really know what's happening he's grabbed onto my upper arms and slams me against the wall. My head bounces off of it. That really hurt, what the hell is he doing? I try to fight, to get him to let go but he holds me there. His eyes are so intense, like all of this rage is just bubbling under the surface and if I'm not careful he'll take it all out on me. I hear the front door open and I feel Mattie's presence come out of the house. I calm down and Angel loosens his grip on my arms but he doesn't let go. "Go back inside Mattie, everything's fine." My voice is lighter then before because I'm forcing myself to stay calm. But he doesn't move, he just stands there, staring at Angel. "Now Matthew." This time my voice was a little more commanding and he knows that I only call him Matthew when I'm dead serious. I hear him walk back into the house and close the door.

"You don't get a say in this Faith. You deal with your issues and you start soon because if I find out that you've hurt Buffy like you did last night I will come back here and I will make you pay. You understand me?" I know he's serious, I know he will do unthinkable things to me if I hurt her, because he's still in love with her, always will be. I relax under his grip and he starts to let go. I slowly nod my head and I'm about to tell him what happened last night. Ok, well not an overly detailed run down of what happened, but I was going to tell him what I was feeling, that it felt like something was taking me over. But I never get the chance to. Buffy walks up behind us, and she's pissed off right away by what she sees.

"Hey! Get off of her!" She grabs Angel by the shoulder and pulls him back. He lets go of me and takes a couple of steps way from us. She's standing at least five feet away from me, he's at least six. She's looking at both of like we're a couple of kids who just got caught jumping on the brand new furniture or something. Great, here comes the 'better than thou' attitude, just what I need to make this night complete. "You have no right coming here and...what, threatening her? I didn't tell you those things so you could play the hero, Angel. I can take care of myself." Go Buffy go, go Buffy go, I repeat in my head. Suddenly I'm liking the attitude. I give him this smile, this total 'haha you just got yelled at' smile and he just frowns and looks away. I'm feeling a little good about myself after seeing him get chastised like that. Then she turns to me.

"And you." She sounds like a very pissed off mother right now, like we were stealing cookies before dinner or some shit like that, she's pointing her finger at me and everything. I give her this 'what did I do?' sort of look. "You need to tell me what the hell is going on with you. I can't take it anymore Faith. I can't take all of the secrets and the hidden pain, and all of the anger. Last night was the final straw. I love you, you know that, but if something doesn't change and real quick then I don't think this is going to work anymore. You need to find a way to deal with your issues because I will not be your emotional punching bag." I look away from her, feeling a little ashamed of myself, as I should. I look over at the vamp and he's giving me this look, this smug 'I told you so' smirk. God I really want to punch him right about now. She seems to sense that and she looks over at him and gives him a glare.

"I'll be in town for the next couple of days." He informs us as if we really needed to know. "Buffy, if you need to talk..." And then he walks off. I respect Angel a whole hell of a lot but I don't really like him all that much. He just gets on my nerves, ya know? He thinks that just because him and Buffy have all of this history that he has the right to just rush in and play the fucking knight in shining armor whenever things are rough. I do have to give him some credit though, because if I were Angel I don't think I'd be able to be calm around the person she's with. And I can understand where he's coming from because if I ever found out that someone she loves hurt her, violated her like the way I did…well all there would be is a dead body. The door opens and out walks Willow and Kennedy, holding hands no less. Kennedy is smiling but Willow looks a little more serious. Buffy looks pissed off and I step closer to her just in case she tries to kill Kennedy.

"So, we're going now." Willow says and then lets go of Kennedy's hand. She gives Buffy this big hug. "Thanks for all of the help and letting me stay here. I'll stop by tomorrow and pick up my stuff. And don't worry, I'll fill you in on everything." She lets go of Buffy and steps over to me. We hug but it's awkward. "Thanks Faith." She whispers before she pulls away. She takes Kennedy by the hand and we all say our goodbyes as they walk away. I feel a little bit of hope starting to rise up inside me, please no puns, it's irritating. But if those two can work through their issues together and come out standing strong, then maybe me and Buffy can. I just need to open up with her. It's not going to be easy, I know that, but it needs to be done. I just don't want her to feel sorry for me. I don't want her to get that look in her eyes, like she's looking at me like I'm some poor little wounded creature. I don't want to be her charity chase.

BPOV

This is not how a Friday night is supposed to be. I just know it, I've seen it in movies and television. On Fridays the parents are supposed to hire a babysitter to watch the kid/kids and then go out for a nice romantic dinner, maybe take a stroll in the park afterwards, or even just go out to see a movie, it doesn't matter what they do as long as they're spending that time together, and they're happy. That's how I always pictured spending my Friday nights anyway.

After Faith and I changed Matthew for bed and gave him his goodnight kisses and turned out his light we went into our bedroom. I gave him dinner before I went on patrol, I haven't eaten anything since last night, I don't know about Faith. Anyway, after we tucked him in we walked out into the kitchen for whatever reason. We sat down at the kitchen table, she was staring at her fingernails, unsure of what to say. I didn't know how to start either. So we just sat there, in silence for a good fifteen minutes. I don't think I've had a more awkward moment in my life. So, here we are, staring at each other, neither of us know what to say but we need to talk. God, I hate that irony.

"So, I've been thinking." She says and I get a little tense. That's another line you're not supposed to start a conversation with, it's bad juju. Dammit, from now on that word is going to be stuck in my head. I'm never watching Grey's Anatomy with her again. "I've been trying to think of something to say to you since after you left." She doesn't mean when I left to patrol, she means after I left the bedroom last night. "I've been trying to figure out what happened. It just...it doesn't make sense." No it doesn't, it doesn't at all, and I would really like to know what was going on with her when it happened. But I have to give her some credit here. She's starting to open up at least and I know that this isn't easy for her. "I had a dream, more like a memory from when I was fourteen. I woke up feeling...needy. I needed you so bad right then but I didn't know how to say it. So I tried to show you." She pauses and I wait for her to continue. She gets these tears in her eyes and I can feel my heart start to crumble, and there's this tightness in my stomach.

"It's like, I wasn't myself." No shit? "I know how that sounds all cliché and shit, but...it's hard to explain." She takes in a deep breath and then lets it out really slowly. Her eyes aren't on me anymore like they had been when she started. She's trying to find a way to tell me what was going on and I don't think she can. "Ok, before I started to kiss you I was myself, but when I started touching you...it felt like something was possessing me, something was using me and making me be rough. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't, and the only time I gained control again was when you stopped me. I would have stopped there, but I really needed you, and every time I tried to be gentle something would just come over me, take over me, and...I'm sorry, ok? I get that you're pissed and I deserve it and a whole lot more. I'm so sorry. You know that I would never hurt you like that on my own right?" She looks at me with those big eyes that have this pleading look in them. I want to tell her yes, that I know she would never do that on purpose, but I have to be honest, even if the look she's going to get on her face breaks my heart.

"Honestly? I don't know anymore Faith." Her face drops and she looks down at her fingernails again. "Faith, look at me." She looks up and she has tears streaming down her face. I want to take her in my arms and kiss them away, but I can't, not right now at least. "Things have been so crazy the last week or so. You've been dealing with a lot, and I know the Kennedy thing hit you hard and that you feel partly responsible." She looks at me with surprise. Yeah Faith 'cause I don't know how you feel about that. She thinks I'm just so clueless. Maybe I need to die my hair brown, maybe then she'd give me more credit.

"But there's other stuff going on with you too. Stuff that I don't know about. Things from your past." She looks away again, and I continue. I know that she's listening so I don't worry about being ignored. "I know it was horrible, I get that. I know that you're having a hard time dealing with it now, for whatever reasons." I stop because I don't really know what to say. I see her bring her hand up to her face and she wipes her tears away and then wipes at her nose and sniffles.

"Who's Billy?" She snaps her head up and looks at me with some shock. "Last night, when you were dreaming, you were calling out to someone named Billy. Who's Billy?" She looks away from me. Her breathing is a lot harder now and I can see a vein in her neck start to stick out. She doesn't say anything though, and even though I would really like to talk about it and get her to open up about her past right now, something she said in her explanation is really starting to bother me. "When you said that it felt like you were being possessed, do you mean like supernaturally possessed or some stuff from your past was catching up with you and you just sort of took it out on me?" She looks into my eyes and then she looks away while she thinks.

"Supernaturally." I sigh a very small sigh of relief. Don't get me wrong, I think it's horrible that something is doing that to her, but at least a supernatural problem can be taken care of almost right away and we do know one of the post powerful witches to ever exist so that helps. "It was like someone was trying to force their way inside me, to make me do things to you that I normally wouldn't. When I bit down on you like that...I would never do that. I'm not some fuckin vampire, and you know that I always keep my nipping soft so I don't hurt you." I'm starting to connect a couple of dots here. The biting followed by the licking and the holding my arms above my head, and the way she was moving so fast and rough. I hope I'm wrong because if I'm not I'm going to be very, very pissed off.

"How do we find out who did it?" I'm mostly talking to myself. I have no idea how we're supposed to figure this out. We could call Willow but I'm sure she's busy with Kennedy and I don't want to ruin that. But at the same time, something is after Faith and I want it to stop and right now. She has enough on her plate without having to deal with this too. I know, we're slayers and we're supposed to balance out the 'having a normal life' and 'dealing with vamps and demons and crazy magic stuff', but this is different. This is scary, it's making her do things against her will, things that she would never do. I sigh again and run a hand through my hair.

"I'll call Willow tomorrow, have her come over and see if she can get a read on whatever is going on. It might not happen again but I don't want to chance it. We still have a lot to talk about, Faith. You know that right?" She nods her head yes and looks away from me. She wants to protect me from her past because she's afraid that I won't understand, and maybe I won't necessarily understand every little thing and why they happened but I'll try and I'll help her and support her even if I don't understand. "Let's just go to bed now. I'm exhausted."

We turn out the lights in the living room and kitchen and go into our bedroom. There's still some tension between us, I can feel it and I know she does too. We change into our pajamas in silence, which is weird. I don't like this tension at all. Usually there's some playful banter about what we're going to wear to bed. She always teases me because I still wear my yummy sushi pajamas, and my carebear pajamas, and my birthday cake pajamas. Ok, I have a lot of pajamas that are supposed to be for kids but they're my size. So what? Anyway, we get into bed and turn out our lamps at the same time. That's never happened before.

I can tell she needs me. I can tell she's scared about what's happening to her, that something might be trying to take her over to get me to. She needs comfort but I don't think I can give it to her. I'm just as scared as she is. I'm afraid of losing her, I'm afraid for her, but at the same time I'm also afraid that if we do touch then whatever is trying to take her over will come back. Maybe I'm the trigger to this. Maybe it will wait until we're touching and then make its move. We haven't touched all day long so we can't be sure. But she needs me and I would never deny her comfort when she truly needs it, not when the situation is this terrifying.

I scoot closer to her and wrap one arm around her waist and use the other to wrap it under her neck and down her chest and I hold her hand. She tenses up but I don't let go. After a minute or two she relaxes and leans into my body. There are a couple of things that are still bothering me. About her past, about why she won't tell me. We used to talk all the time, she used to ask me questioned about my past, about my life in Hemery, about what it is like before my father left us. I would tell her, even the painful memories that I've always kept inside, but then she stopped asking when I started asking about her. I guess she thinks that if she doesn't ask then I won't ask. And I haven't for a long time. Sometimes when we go to the park she'll watch the kids play and all of the mothers and fathers that are there too and she gets this sad look on her face. I'll ask her what's the matter but she says that everything is ok and for the rest of the time she wears this fake smile on her face.

I give her a small kiss at the bottom of her neck where her neck meets her shoulder. She tightens her grip on my hand a little and I squeeze back. My other hand is on her stomach and I'm absently rubbing soft circles with my thumb. My hand slips under her shirt a little bit and I continue the soft stroking. She seems to be relaxing a little more and that's good. I don't want her to feel afraid to touch me just because something is going on that she can't control. I don't want her to feel like she's in this alone and that I won't help her. I shift around a little bit to try and make myself a little more comfortable. She moves with me so we don't break contact for a second. Now that I've stopped moving my hand is a little higher on her stomach and I feel the bottom of her bellybutton. I start to make slow soft circles around it and she tenses up and pulls away from me. She does that whenever I touch her bellybutton, what is it with her and not wanting me to touch there?

"What's wrong?" I ask and open my eyes. Her back is still facing me but she's moved a couple inches away. She doesn't say anything and I sigh. I know I should be understanding, she probably went through hell as a child but I'm getting frustrated, and because I'm so frustrated it's really hard to be understanding. I keep reaching out, I'm making an effort to try and help her and I've let her know that I'll listen no matter what and that I won't judge her for things that happened in her past, but she just keeps me away, she thickens her walls.

"I can't help you unless you talk to me, and you're probably not going to get any better unless you talk about it. I want to be the one that you open up to, I want to be the one to help you but if you don't think I can, if you don't think I'll understand then maybe you should see a therapist or something." I don't sound angry like I thought I was going to. I sound…tired, and soft. I hear her sigh and sniffle a little bit. Then she rolls over and buries her face in my neck and wraps her arms around me and clings onto me like I'm a teddy bear. All I can do is rub her back and try to sooth her. I can feel her tears n my neck, I can feel her heavy breathing as she tries to calm herself down. I hate seeing her like this because it hurts so much. I hate feeling helpless, and that's what I feel right now because nothing I do seems to be helping. "Please baby, I just wanna help you." We're quiet for a few minutes and then I feel her take in a really deep breath and let it out very slowly. Her muscles relax and I think she's starting to fall asleep.

"It's just…so hard." Ok, so maybe she's still awake after all. I continue to rub her back in small circles and apply a little bit of pressure with my fingers just how she likes whenever she's upset and I'm comforting her. A rare thing but it still happens. In the last seven years whenever she gets upset she'll go off and be by herself. She'll take out her aggression on the punching bag or on the vampires and later on when she's calm we'll hold each other but she's no longer in the need for comfort. So it's rare that I ever do need to comfort her but I always do when she needs it, even if she doesn't ask for it.

"I know it's hard. Just take your time. I'm not rushing you or anything. I just want to know what's been bothering you so bad lately. Start small, like, how come you don't like it when I touch your bellybutton?" By the way she just sighed I have a feeling that isn't starting small. But she doesn't disagree or tense up or anything. I keep rubbing her back and I gently kiss her on the head and she takes in a deep breath. She nuzzles my neck with her nose. I let out a small sigh, I like it when she does that it feels nice.

"That's a little complicated. It's not that I don't like you touching it, I don't like it being touched by anyone." She pauses and takes another deep breath. Her foot is starting to shake a little bit, she's getting anxious and she's starting to stress out. I continue to rub her back and I tighten my grip on her a little. It's the only thing I can do to at the moment. "Back is Boston." This sounds like the beginning of a long story, I'm not complaining or anything, I was just sort of hoping we'd start small since we're both tired from last night's and today's events, that's all. I relax a little more and prepare myself for the heavy emotions, I'm not going to stop her since she's finally ready to open up, even if I am tired there's no way I'm going to make her stop.

"I used to hang out with these kids, I was the baby of the group, they were all a couple years older then me, I was fourteen. We used to cause a little bit of trouble. We'd break windows and spray paint buildings, just kid stuff. One day at school I missed lunch 'cause I got called to the principal's office for clogging all of the water fountains with some paste I made outta flour and water. Anyway, I was hungry but didn't have any money and there was never anything ta eat at my house so I started to walk around the busier sidewalks and picked some pockets. This guy caught me doin it to this college girl but he didn't call me out on it. He asked if I've ever stolen anything more then just a couple bucks and I told him no. We sorta became friends after that. I guess that's what you could call us. He was good at pickin out the people who carried a lota cash on them and I was good at stealin it so we worked as a team." She pauses and takes another really deep breath. I hear her swallow hard and I'm assuming that this is the part that's going to get really heavy with emotions.

"One day we were inna Star Bucks and I tried to get this guy's wallet. I got distracted for a second and he caught me so me and Billy took off runnin'. A cop was chasing after us but we were faster then him 'case we were smaller so it was easier for us to weave around all the people in the way. We hopped a fence and ran into this little shed lookin thing. It was small and dark and there wasn't a whole lota room. I was nervous as hell, my hands were shakin a little bit. I grew up hangin around boys, and most of 'em just saw me as another one of the guys, but Billy always look at me different. He noticed when my tits started growing and I started to fill out. And I'd never really been interested in boys in a sexual way. I figured that all of 'em were dogs 'cause my mom was always getting used. But Billy was different. He always took care of me. He always made sure that I had food to eat and he helped when I was hurtin from when my mom drank and shit." She's told me a little about her mom and from what I understand her mom was an alcoholic and very abusive.

"Anyways, we were sittin in this little shed, hiding from the cops, we're really close to each other and I look up at him and look into his eyes and then he leaned down and he kissed me. I'd never been kissed before so it was new and a little weird but I liked it. I pulled back to catch my breath and then he leaned in and kissed me again. He moved closer and I felt his erection against my leg. I didn't know what it was at the time so I jumped back. He told me not to be scared, that he'd take care of me, that he'd never let anything bad happen. He told me to just got with it." That's what she told me last night when she was being rough, I can still hear her voice 'just got with it, B'. I try not to shudder. I stopped moving my hands a couple minutes ago and now we're completely still as she tells me her story.

"He pulled off my shirt and started to kiss my breasts, he was so gentle, I'd never felt anything like it before. But I panicked and said that we should just leave, but he calmed me down and unzipped his pants. He told me he'd be gentle, and even though I was scared I didn't fight against him, and he took off my jeans. I started to freak a little when he pulled at the waistband of my underwear and asked him about a condom like they talked about in health class, he told me he'd pull out right before so everything would be fine. I told him that it would hurt and there might be blood, he told me again that he'd be gentle. We started kissing again and he started pulling at my underwear a little bit. I pulled back and looked into his eyes and nodded my head. He pulled them down and scooted down my body a little so he could take 'em all the way off. He left a little barely there kiss on my bellybutton, this little feather light touch." Her voice was distant as she let the memory flood her mind. Then it became heavy and thick as she started to get overwhelmed.

"It hurt but I didn't stop him and he pulled out right before he climaxed like he promised. He laid down next to me and I tried to get him to hold me but he got mad. No, not really mad, he just got…irritated? I don't know, he gave me this 'what the fuck are you doing?' kinda look and then he got dressed. I thought I did something wrong, that I wasn't any good. I asked him about it and he said: 'yeah, you were real good. You were so fuckin tight. Maybe we'll do this again, but right now we gotta go, so get your ass dressed'. I couldn't look at him after that, and he just left, said something about me walkin home by myself. I never saw him again." She let out a sob and the tears were starting up again and running down her face and onto my neck. I can't believe someone would just do that, and she was only fourteen, that must have been so hard for her. She sniffles really loudly and coughs a little bit. She leans more into my body, like she's trying to mold into me or something. "I thought he cared, I thought he really fucking cared. He told me he'd always take care of me, he told me he wouldn't let any of my mom's boyfriends do anything bad to me. I felt so stupid, I felt like a fucking whore after he left because I let myself think that he loved me."

Her walls finally crumble. She finally lets it all out. She starts sobbing very hard. Her entire body is shaking and she's having a really hard time breathing. I'm doing the best I can to calm her down but I know that she needs to get all of this out so I just let her cry against me. I can't help but tear up as well. I try to hold mine back because I need to be strong for her, but it's really hard, and I don't think I can. Seeing her like this, hearing her sobs, feeling her shake against me as she lets go of the pain that she's been holing in for so long…it's overwhelming, but I'm glad that it's finally happened because now, hopefully, she'll be able to breathe a little easier.

FPOV

I wake up feeling like for the first time in a long I could breathe. I stretch out and something's wrong. I can't tell what because I am in no way a morning person and because of last night I'm exhausted as hell. I don't open my eyes when I feel movement on the bed because I know it's just B stretching out too. At least I think it's Buffy, I don't know it's still too early. I feel something pressing on my shoulders, what the hell? It's too early to be up, I can tell. My brain doesn't want to work right now, I just wanna go back to sleep. Just because I feel like I can breathe doesn't mean I'm all refreshed and energized. I flutter my eyes open and see two huge brown eyes staring at me an inch and half away from my face. All of that breath I was talking about having leaves my body as I scream.

"Oh my God! Holy Shit!" I jump back so that I'm sitting in the middle of the bed. I put a hand on my chest as I try to control my breathing. Mattie runs from the room, crying and calling out for Buffy. My heart is pouting a million beats a minute and I can't hear anything but the blood rushing through my veins. I look over at the open door and see Buffy walk in, holding Mattie who has his face buried in her neck. She's rubbing his back and trying to calm him down.

"Faith, you scared him." What! What kind of shit is that? I mean, I feel bad for scaring him, don't get me wrong, but she doesn't have any sympathy for me. He almost gave me a heart attack. Now he's sucking up to her and getting her to be mean to me. That kid clever, I'll give him that. He always gets me into trouble that way. We're like best buds and whatnot but he tells on me whenever he can. Sometimes having a kid sucks a lot because they get you in trouble with your woman.

"I scared him? He scared me! I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack." She rolls her eyes and gives him a little kiss on the temple. She whispers something into his ear but I don't hear what she said because my heart is still pumping too fast. My breathing is starting to slow down a little which is good because I'm starting to feel lightheaded. I think I might pass out. She puts him down and he runs out of the room. She smiles and runs up to the bed. She jumps up and lands on her knees and bounces a little bit. She's acting like a total kid and it's cute to see. She gets into these moods sometimes, and I know exactly what she wants. Her smile changes a little, it isn't as innocent as she crawls her way up the bed making sure to bend just right so I can see down her shirt. She sits in my lap and rests her head on my shoulder. She starts toying with the collar of my shirt, running her index finger along the top of it and passing over my cleavage. Yep, I know exactly what she wants.

"Faithy." Oh yeah, she's definitely trying to butter me up. Well keep trying baby-girl because it isn't going to happen, not this time. "Dawn agreed to watch Mattie for us. She's going to take him over to her house so he can play with Kyle's niece." She's good, very sneaky. She's using two fingers now and they're lightly brushing against the tops of my breasts. I can feel my face start to blush a little bit. She knows exactly what she's doing to me, and there's nothing I can do to make it stop. I'm nothing but clay to be molded in her slender hands. "Giles sent us a check, lets go cash it. I want you to go shopping with me. It'll be fun. Please, Faithy." She's begging and she's shifting in my lap a little bit. I force my hips to stay still.

"Baby, I'm still feeling a little tired. Can we just stay home today?" Now that she's gotten me all hot and bothered and I really don't want to leave this room. She lifts her head up and looks into my eyes. She smiles this devilish smile and claims my lips with her own. I kiss her back, it's slow, and soft and it's starting to grow in passion. My hands work their way up the back of her shirt and I start to massage her warm skin. I moan when I feel her start to lightly squeeze one of my breasts. She pulls back and is panting a little. She rests her forehead on mine. I lightly nip at her bottom lip and she pulls back, just out of reach. Then the little fox starts to tease. She lightly brushes her lips up against mine but when I try to kiss her back she pulls away a little. This goes on for a minute or two until we're interrupted.

"That's gross." We hear the voice from the door and we both roll our eyes. I wrap my arms around Buffy's waist to keep her there and she turns in my lap so she can look back towards the door. "Are you going to go shopping or not? Because I'm not taking Matthew to my house so you two can have sex." I get along with Dawn, and she's like a little sister to me but there are times I really just want to strangle her. Like right now for instance. Buffy must glare at her or something, and I know I probably am. I'm not really paying attention to my facial expression at the moment because one of Buffy's hands has snuck its way up my shirt on the side that Dawn can't see because Buffy's body is blocking the view, and she's softly teasing the side of my breast with her thumb, moving tantalizingly slow towards my nipple.

"Alright fine I'll take him. What time do you want him home tomorrow?" I stop paying attention to the conversation because Buffy's thumb is teasing my areola. The skin gets painfully tight and I can feel my wetness growing. Dawn better leave soon or she's going to get a show that she'd rather not see. I see Dawn leave and as soon as the door is closed I flip Buffy over onto her back and start to quickly kiss her. She thinks she can tease and get away with it? I think not. She's grinding against me slowly and it's driving me crazy. I pull back so we can breathe and the bedroom door opens. Mattie runs up and jumps on the bed. He's laughing and pretending to cough and look grossed out. I grab him and hold him up in the air and shake him a little bit. He starts cracking up and I fall onto my back, still holding him in the air. I lift my feet up and rest his belly on the bottoms of them and hold onto his arms so he doesn't fall. I wiggle my toes so they tickle him and he starts laughing again.

"Mama," he says around his laughter. I love his voice when he tries not to laugh, it's so cute. God, I really have gone soft, haven't I? "Aunt Dawn's waitin for me. She said that we're gonna have ice cream and watch movies and stay up late." Sounds like a plan to me. I look over at Buffy and she doesn't look too happy about the plan. I roll my eyes. Dawn's his aunt she's supposed to spoil him that's what aunts are for. I wiggle my toes some more and he starts laughing again. Buffy snuggles up close to me so she can see his face better. We both smile at him as he laughs and squirms around, trying to get away, but I have a good hold on him. Yep, we did good, damn good. He's going to be very handsome when he gets older. A little heartbreaker, he does look mostly like me after all. The little girlies will be all over him. I stop tickling him and carefully let go of his arms and quickly grab onto his sides so he doesn't fall. I lift him up and put him down so he's sitting on my stomach, one leg on each side.

"You be good for your aunt Dawn, ok?" Buffy tells him and he nods his head. But then he looks over at me and I give him a little wink. He smiles and then leans down and wraps him arms around my neck in a big hug. I wrap my arms around him and then he pulls back. He gets off of me and crawls off of the bed. B and me get up too and follow him out to the living room where Dawn is waiting. We give him some more hugs and some kisses goodbye, he waves as he walks out the door and then Dawn helps him strap up the booster seat in the backseat of her car. He looks at us through the car window and waves one last time as she drives off. I turn to Buffy and smile. I lean in and place a gentle kiss on her lips. She responds and we start making-out a little here on the front porch. But then I get a great idea. I pull back really fast and before she knows what's going on I'm back in the house and the front door is locked.

As I run off to the bedroom I can hear her yelling at me and pounding on the front door. I smile a wicked smile and go over to the closet. After that one night when I bought that lace bra and panties I took a little trip back to the store and picked up some other things. I remembered what she wanted me to wear. We went shopping about two weeks after that night and I acted like I didn't want to go, made a big fit out it. She dragged me into the Victoria's Secret so she could pick up some things for herself. We browsed around for a little and she kept making comments like 'you'd look so sexy in this Faith' or 'hmm, just the thought of you in this makes me want to eat you up'. So I went back to the store and bought some of the things. And she must really like me in red because ninety percent of everything she commented on was red. And what really got her juices flowing was this little red lace babydoll.

I slip out of my shirt and toss it onto the chair. I slip into the garment and smile a little. I walk over to the vanity and tease my hair a little and run my fingers through it so it doesn't look as nappy. I close the curtains and leave the room. I throw on my bathrobe and go out into the living room. She's still pounding on the door. I close the curtains on the big front window and it becomes really dark in the room. I walk over to the door and put on hand around the knob. I put my other hand on the switch to the deadbolt. I smiled a little. She calmed down a little when she felt my presence.

"Buffy, wait fifteen seconds and then walk to the bedroom, I have a surprise." I say the word 'surprise' in a singsong voice. I run off towards the bedroom and close the door. I light a couple of the candles and blow out the match, and then I lay down in the middle of the bed. I lay on my side so I can see the door. I have my right thigh slightly crossed over the left. My right calf is on top of left with my right foot pointed back. I'm propping my head in my left hand, the right one is resting on my hip as I wait for her to walk into the room. I hear her open and then close the front door. She walks through the living room and then over the linoleum of the kitchen and then she's walking down the hall. As she gets closer to the bedroom door she slows down. The door slowly opens and she gasps when she sees me. She just stands there staring at my body. I feel myself growing wet as she eyes me up and down. I smile a very satisfied smile and I flutter my eyelashes a little.

"You like?" I ask and my voice snaps her out of the little daze she was in. I start to laugh as she lunges at the bed. I lay on my back and she's above me, on her hands and knees so she can look down at my body. I can smell her arousal, and the animalistic look in her eyes. She wants me, she wants me bad and I'm ready for her. I want her just as badly as she wants me, possibly even more. I reach out and wrap my hand on the back of her neck and gently pull her lips down to mine. We kiss deeply and she eases her body down on top of mine. She starts grinding against me, I can feel her heat on me, and the smell is taking over the room.

I pull back to catch my breath and she's panting as hard as I am. She's still grinding herself against me, craving friction, needing my touch. I kiss her again and while our eyes are closed and our tongues swirl together I slowly let my hand wonder down her torso, barely touching her flesh as it makes it way down her hot body. I gently scrape the back of my fingernails over her scorching skin. I turn my hand around and gently stroke her abdomen. My fingertips leave little butterfly touches as they go lower. She moans against my mouth as I slowly go passed the elastic of her panties. I gently run my fingers through her curls and she grinds against my hand, trying to gain some type of friction. I smile and pull back from the kiss. I leave soft little love bites on her throat and at the same time I barely rub her slit with my middle finger, I spread her wetness around a little and she moans. I use my thumb and index finger to spread her lips apart. I use my middle finger to gently stroke her clit. She hisses in a breath and bucks her hips against me.

Then I feel it, in the back of my mind. It's like a little black cloud on a nice clear day. Very small at first and nobody notices it. But then it gets bigger and bigger and bigger and everyone is running for cover as the rain pours down. Only instead of it raining, and instead of us trying to run for cover, I'm holding her down against the bed, biting her neck hard enough to draw a little blood. She's screaming for me to stop, begging me to get off of her but I can't. The cloud is taking over, it's pushing me back and forcing me to stay as it uses my body to hurt my girl. She can't hear it but I'm screaming. I'm fighting as hard as I can to get my control back, to get my body back but it's too strong.

I try to stop my hands from moving as they hold her arms above her head. I can see my hands moving as they cross Buffy's wrist over one another. I reach over against my will and grab the silk scarves out of the drawer. The cloud ties her hands together and then to the bed. I can feel my thigh pressed up against her sex and she's screaming louder and trying to kick me off. I feel the cloud weaken for just a fraction, just a tiny little fraction of a second. I look into her fear filled eyes and then lift my lower body off of the bed a little bit. She takes the opportunity like I knew she would, and she puts her feet on my stomach and she pushes quickly upward and I go flying across the room. I land hard against the wall. I feel the plaster crack and large dent is left. I slide down the wall and land on the floor. Now that I'm not touching her anymore the cloud is gone and I'm back in control.

I don't stand up, I don't move, I don't say a word. I just sit there, staring at her as she breaks the scarves and gets off of the bed. She's looking at me not with hatred, not with anger or pain or betrayal, but with sympathy, with worry and fear. Not fear because of me but fear for me. I don't deserve that, I don't deserve her at all, and I know that now. I'm not strong enough to keep her safe, I don't deserve to be around her. She starts to walk towards me, slowly and cautiously like she's walking up to a rabid animal that looks like it's going to strike. She's six feet away from me still walking closer. I can't let that happen, I can't let her get too close. I stand up and she doesn't flinch like I thought she was going to do. She tires to get closer, but I don't let her.

"Don't. Stay away. Stay away from me, it isn't safe." She reaches out to touch me but I pull away from her. She looks hurt, rejected, and it's breaking my heart but I can't let her touch me, I just can't or else the cloud will take over again. I leave the room when I see the tears forming in her eyes. I can't look at her when she's about to cry because my resolve will crumble. I go into the training room and lock the door behind me. I sit down on the couch and run my hands through my hair. I rest my elbows on my knees and I stare down at the floor. I let the tears fall and they land in between my feet.

I sniffle loudly and look up towards the ceiling. Why is this happening to me? Is this my payment? Is this my punishment for killing those people? For trying to kill Buffy and her friends and family? Do I deserve this? I've been good, I've reformed, and now that I'm happy, finally happy and have everything that I could possibly want: a loving girlfriend, a beautiful baby, a nice house, love and compassion and family. I have people who care about me, so it just makes perfect sense that my punishment is the fates ripping that all away from me. Now that I know what it's like to love and what it's like to be loved…I don't think I can live without it. I can't go on like this, there's no way that I'll survive. I need Buffy in my life, I need my son and even though I know it would probably be better for me to stay away I don't think I can.

Then I feel it, it's not just a phantom it's the actual thing. I feel the crack of a belt against my back. I scream out and fall forward off of the couch. I lay face down on the floor and try to breathe. What the hell was that? I'm the only one in here, how did that happen? I reach back and feel the mark. There's a fucking mark! I pull my hand back and look at it, there's a little bit of blood on my fingers. I stand up and take a look around. I let my slayer senses roam and there's definitely something in here, I just can't see it. But ghosts can't hurt people, can they? And I don't think this house is haunted. Willow checked out the history of it before we moved into it, and she didn't find anything wrong. I feel something hit me in the face, and I know exactly what it was. It was the back of someone's hand. I fall to the floor and I feel the blood start to escape out the little cut on my cheek. A tiny cut left from a ring. This can't be happening, this isn't happening. If I just ignore it it'll go away.

"Fuck!" I scream out when I feel the belt on my back. The metal buckle hit between my shoulder blades. I jump forward and turn around to see what hit me but there's nothing there. This is really starting to freak me out. I scream again when I feel the belt hit the back of my leg. What the hell is happening? I'm backing up, looking around trying to find what's hitting me. But there's nothing. I can feel the black cloud from before, it's in the room lurking around but I can't get a read on its exact location. It's everywhere, suffocating me, making me feel weak like I'm nothing, just like how I used to feel back in Boston. I feel the belt hit me again, across my claves this time. I fall to the floor and I take a couple of deep breaths and then I stand up, limping a little. I remember this. This isn't random by any means. This isn't just some attack from an evil spirit. This is a memory coming to life to haunt me, to punish me for everything I've done.

"_You were gone all night. Where were you?"_ What the hell? I can hear her voice like I did before when I took out the punching bag only it's not just in my head and it's echoing off of the room's walls. It's real and it's yelling at me, just like it did all those years ago. I feel another whip with the belt across the small of my back. I cry out and turn around still searching even though I know I won't find anything. Why? Why? Why is this happening? What is happening? _"Where you out getting fucked! Answer me you filthy whore!"_ I feel a punch to the face and I fall to the ground. I curl up in a tight ball. I feel her kicking my back, I feel her beating me with the belt. This is just the phantom pain, it's real and I'm screaming and crying and begging her to stop. But she doesn't, just like she never did before. I feel the blood running down my skin, feel the welts forming as she continues to beat me.

"_You did this to me! This is all your fault! Get up, Faith. Stand up and take it like the fucking whore you are!"_ More whips from the belt, more kicks to my back. All I can do is sit here and take it like the whore that I am. That's all I am, that's all I'll ever be. I turned into one the second I let Billy touch me. I'm a whore, I'm bad, and I deserve everything that I'm getting. I feel her grab a handful of my hair and lift me up off of the floor. I scream and grab onto her hand and try to pry her fingers apart but I can't. She throws me onto the couch, my upper body are on the cushions, my thighs are pressed up against the front of it, my knees are on the floor and she's whopping my ass with the belt, over and over and over. I'm screaming, and the tears are coming out non-stop until I go numb. Then it stops. I can still feel the presence, it's lingering around, but it's staying still. I fall to the ground and curl up into a ball. I hear the door fly open and smash against the wall.

"Oh my God. Faith, what happened?" I hear Buffy say and she kneels down next to me. I feel her touch my shoulder but I pull away. She can't touch me, I can't let her touch me, not after what happened in the bedroom, not after what I did. I'm bad, I'm worthless. I'm nothing but a whore. I can hear Buffy start to cry and I try to fight against her as she lifts me up off of the ground but I can't, I'm too weak from the beating and the mental exhaustion to fight back. She takes me into our bedroom and lays me down on the bed. She reaches over to my nightstand and picks up the cordless phone. I roll away from her, I try to get out of her reach but she won't let me. She gently runs her fingertips along the cut on my cheek and I keep my eyes closed.

"_You don't deserve her."_ The voice is back, her voice is back and it's taunting me. This is no longer a memory but it's still part of the punishment. I open my eyes and look around. I don't see anything except Buffy. I can see her lips moving but I can't hear what she's saying, all I can hear is the voice whispering into my ear. _"She's so much better then you, she deserves more then you. She deserves something good and pure, something worthwhile. Not trash, not you. What do you have to offer her? What does a whore have to offer a sweet girl like her? You're bad Faith, you always have been and you always will be. Say it Faith, say that you're bad."_

"I'm bad," I whisper and Buffy hears it. She leans down and places a soft kiss on my forehead. "I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad. I'm just a whore. I'm not worthwhile. I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad." I'm still crying and I feel so very weak. I hear Buffy hang up the phone and put it back in the cradle. She lies down next to me and gives me another kiss on the forehead. "Don't touch me. I'm trash, I'm a whore." I hear her take in a deep breath. Her fingertips are softly rubbing the side of my face that isn't bruised. I flinch at the touch and try to pull away. She scoots in closer so that we're touching. Her touch is comforting. Her presence is making me feel a little better. I can feel my slayer healing start to take affect, and the pain goes down significantly.

"No Faith, you're not trash, you're not a whore. You're mine, and I'm not going to let anything else happen to you. I'm not going to let this thing just take you away from me. I love you Faith, you have to believe that. You deserve me and I deserve you. You're good now. You have been for a long time. Try and get some rest. Willow's on her way over and she's going to help us figure this out. Please baby, go back to sleep. I'll be right here, I'll protect you. I promise." I allow myself to give into the exhaustion that I had been fighting against. Her gentle touches and soft voice lead the way and soon I'm in a deep sleep.

When I wake up it's dark outside. It has to be otherwise I wouldn't be getting the tingles in the back of my neck telling me that a vampire is in the house. I open my eyes and look around. My still in my bedroom on my bed, but I'm alone. I can hear the voices of the people outside but I can't understand what they're saying because they're too far away. Must be in the living room or something. I'm not in pain anymore. The slayer healing took care of that. I can still feel the presence of the cloud or whatever the hell it is. It's lingering, waiting for me and I'm scared. I don't want to hurt Buffy again. I'm bad enough already without corrupting her.

I get up and open the door. I walk down the hall and see that they're in the living room. Buffy, Angel, Willow and Kennedy. Buffy looks pissed, really, really pissed. Angel looks solemn but that's usual. Willow looks worried and so does Kennedy. I wonder what they're talking about. Is something going on? Is there a new big bad in town or something? My bare feet touch the cold linoleum and I shiver. I sit down at the kitchen table and watch as they talk. They still haven't noticed me, which is fine because I don't deserve their time. I see that Buffy is dressed in jeans and t-shirt. I look down at myself and shake my head. She changed me out of the babydoll and into a white wife beater and red boxers. She didn't have to do that, she should have just left me in what I was wearing. It suits me, after all. Isn't that what dirty whores usually wear?

"I'm sorry Buffy." Angel says and I start to pay attention to the conversation. Something has her pissed off and I want to know what. "I was going to tell you but you had enough on your plate. I thought that we could take care of them before anything like this happened." He goes to say something else but she cuts him off. Her voice is tight, strained and very irritated.

"And now they're going after Faith. They're doing things to her, Angel. They're taking over her body. She won't even let me touch her because she's afraid she's going to hurt me." And I will. I'm bad and all I do is bring pain and misery everywhere I go. There's no stopping it, it's just what I do. All I do is cause pain and fuck, that's all I know, it's all I'm good at.

"_You're a waste of time Faith. Do you honestly think that they should be helping you right now? Why should they help you when all you're going to do is hurt them? It's ridiculous."_ The voice is back and it's whispering into my ear again. I seem to be the only one that can hear it because no one is reacting to it. I shake my head. That isn't true. I help them, I do bring them happiness. I have before and I can again. I gave Buffy a son, that's one of the best things that I could ever do. _"It's the only good thing that you'll ever do. You've done your part and now that you're purpose has been served you're nothing. Just a dirty, selfish little girl that deserves to be locked in a room and beaten for the rest of her life."_ No, it's not true, it can't be true. But deep down, I know it is. It's true and sooner or later I'm going to have to face it. Buffy finally notices me. She gets up from her seat and walks over to me. She kneels down in front of me and puts her hand on my knee. I scoot the chair back and stand up. She doesn't need to touch me, I'll just hurt her again.

"Faith, we found out what's going on. It isn't you, baby. There are these demons that have come into town, they're casting a spell on you, Faith. Because you're one of the original slayers, we're stronger then the others. They're trying to drive you insane, Faith, and you can't let them. You have to fight it, because if you give in to what's going on then they'll kill you and they'll use the power that they gain from consuming the slayer part of you to take over the world."

"_That's not true. This is happening because you deserve it. It's your punishment for doing all of those evil things. You tried to kill her, you tried to rape her, that was all you."_ I shake my head. I try to make the voice go way but it keeps on talking. It keeps telling me that I'm no good, that I deserve what's going on. Even if I do believe it I have to fight it. I have to fight it because Buffy's telling me to, and I'd do anything for her.

"Shut up." I say out load and they all look confused. The voice keeps talking, keeps taunting me. I start to look around, searching for the source. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" I punch the nearest wall because I can't take it anymore. I start to break down again and I slide to the floor. Buffy wraps her arms around me and I let her, even though I know it's a bad idea. The others seem to think so too because they tense.

"Um, Buffy?" Willow says in a timid voice. Buffy must've yelled at them earlier or something or else she wouldn't be hesitant to say what's on her mind. "I don't think you touching Faith right now is the best idea. I mean, you are the trigger to whatever is going on. It could take over right now and try to kill you." No Red it doesn't try to kill her it tries to rape her. I don't know why it does that, I think I wouldn't feel as bad if it were trying to make me kill her. In my opinion rape is worst then murder maybe that's why. Maybe it's gotten inside of my head and it knows how I feel about rape and it's using it against me. I can feel the cloud getting stronger. It's not inside my mind but it's surrounding me making it hard to breathe. Buffy must agree with Red or something because she loosens her grip on me. She doesn't fully let go but it's just enough and the cloud takes the opportunity.

It grabs me my by upper arm and drags me over to the couch. It throws me over the back of it and I feel the belt on me again. The buckle of it is smacking really hard against me but I don't cry out. I bite my bottom lip so hard that it starts to bleed but I refuse to vocalize my pain, I won't give her that satisfaction. I remember this as well, too well and the tears are streaming down my face because I know what's coming next and there's nothing that I can do to stop it. Everyone is standing on the other side of the living room now looking on with fear and confusion. Buffy is trying to get to me but something is keeping her away, like some type of barrier has surrounded me and all they can do is watch as the memory manifests.

"_Scream you fucking whore! Scream like you do for the boys that fuck you!"_ I don't scream, I keep it all in because I'm not going to let her hear me cry. I'm not going to beg for her to stop, I'm just going to sit here and take it. Maybe if she sees that I'm done screaming for her she'll stop and she won't beat me anymore. She grabs me by my hair again and throws me up against the wall. She starts swinging with the belt, hitting me mostly in the face and chest but a couple of awkward swings hit me in the stomach and the legs. I still don't cry out even though the pain is almost blinding.

She's getting really angry now. I feel her grab onto my arm and lift me up. She's holding onto me as she whips the belt across my back. Tears are streaming down my face full force but I still haven't screamed, still haven't cried out for her to stop. She drops the belt and reaches back and before I can move she's smashed and empty beer bottle over my head. I can feel the glass dig into my scalp, feel the blood start to run down the back of my head and dampen my clothes as it run down my back. She hits be a couple more times with the belt and then I finally scream. I finally let out an ear piercing scream as she grabs onto my hair right over the spot where she hit me with the bottle. She keeps hitting me with the belt and I feel her knee me really hard in the stomach. The wind is knocked out of me and she lets me fall to the floor, then she just leaves me there.

I hear something fall at my side and I look up through swallow eyes to see Buffy kneeling down next to me. She's crying really hard and I can tell she wants to touch me, she wants to wrap me up in her arms and kiss the pain away but she can't. She knows that if she does then it'll come back and something else could happen. I see Angel walk up behind her and wrap his arms around her. He gently pulls her up off of the floor and holds her to his chest, trying to comfort her. If I weren't so beat up right now I'd probably be jealous, but since I can't touch her I'm just glad that he's doing his best to calm her down. I see Kennedy walk over and gently pick me up. I guess it's ok for her to touch me because she's not Buffy.

She takes me into the spare bedroom and gently lays me down on the bed. Willow follows closely behind although I don't know why. I'm sure Kennedy is just going to clean up some of the blood, no need for Red to be in here to see that. Kennedy is sitting behind me and gently holds my hip and arm so that I'm lying on my left side because that isn't as damaged as the rest of me. Willow walks up and stands in front of me. I avoid looking into her eyes, I just want to be left alone. She places one hand over my heart and the other on my stomach so that her palm is pressed up against my bellybutton. I wince in pain but she doesn't ease up.

Then there's like this warm breeze, and the room fills with this light glowing energy. I feel myself being lifted off of the bed but nothing is touching me except for Willow's hands that are still on my chest and stomach. I feel the warm breeze go inside of me, I don't know where it's like...my skin is absorbing it or something. I can feel all of my wounds start to close up. The glass falls out of my scalp and lands on the bed, I can hear it fall piece by piece. I open my eyes and look over at Willow. Her hair and eyes are completely white and she's focusing on my stomach. It's sort of creepy to see, ok it's really creepy but she's helping me so I'm not going to complain.

I linger in the air for a couple of seconds after I feel that I'm all better. I guess she's trying to do something else, like a protection spell or something, I have no clue. Whatever she's trying to do doesn't work though because there's like this bolt of lightening that happens between her hands and my body and we both go flying back. I slam against Kennedy's body and she slams up against the wall. Willow landed on the wall on the other side of the room, her rose is bleeding and she's holding her head. What the hell was that? I jump up off of the floor and Kennedy does the same. She runs over to Willow and pulls the redhead into her arms and gently rocks back and forth, I guess Willow is crying or something. I step forward but Kennedy looks back and nods her head towards the door. I walk out without saying a word. It's probably best not to make any noise if Willow's head is hurtin so bad. When I walk out into the living room Buffy is still pretty upset but now she's on the phone. She's putting together a team of slayers and I'm not liking this at all. I go to say something but Angel starts talking first. I hate it when people interrupt me like that.

"There's a cult of demons after you Faith. They're strong but can be taken down. You have to let her do this or you won't survive. If they kill you it's all over for you, for us, the entire world." I lowered my head and looked down at my feet. This sucks, I hate this more then anything. It's one thing to have to keep my hands off of Buffy, but to not be able to help her fight. I know that's why she's putting together a team. So far I've heard her list six names. She's calling in as many as she can get to make up for the lack of experience with brute force. I look up at him and he has this sympathetic look in his eyes even though he's staying completely blanked face.

"What do they want from me? Why me?" He takes an unneeded breath of air and then lets it out real slow. I hate it when he fucking does that. He back up a little bit and goes to sit down on the arm of the couch but Buffy throws him a glare so he sit down on the cushion. I would laugh if I weren't so fucking worried right now. Buffy hangs up the phone, there's a notebook in her lap and a pen in her hand. She must've called Giles and gotten a list of all the slayers that live nearby and now she's going to call all of them and tell them that they're needed. I hate feeling useless.

"They want the power of the slayer." I look over at him like he's on crack. That doesn't explain shit, well not really. There are hundreds of little slayers running around all over the place, most of them are probably more vulnerable then me. "If Willow hadn't cast that spell seven years ago to call all of the potentials then you would have been the one to pass on the power to the next girl. The power, the essence of the slayer still lives inside you, it's stronger in you then it is in all of the others. If these demons can weaken you enough to kill you, they can contain that power and use it for themselves. If they get it it'll make them strong enough to take over...everything. No slayer will be able to stop them, no other demon will be able to kill them. They'll be indestructible." I sigh heavily, so that's why I can't go with her. It's not about being around her and hurting her. It's keeping me safe so I don't die.

"But what's happening to me? How are they doin those things?" He sighs again and I have a strong fuckin urge to punch him in the head but I control myself. We both look over when Buffy raises her voice. She yells at the person she's talking to, saying that she doesn't care if it's her third wedding anniversary she's is to be here in two hours or Buffy will hunt her down and beat her. I smile a very small smile. That's my girl, always the little commander. I look over at Angel and he has a smirk too. I narrow my eyes at him and he makes the smile go away. He clears his throat and then continues.

"They're using your insecurities against you. All of the pain from your past. I know your mother beat you a lot, you were crying out in your sleep. But what they're doing is taking all of the worst ones, not just physically bad but emotionally as well. All of these particular beatings have some deeper meaning, and they're using it to get to you, to break you down to bring up all of those feelings of weakness and self-hatred that you felt and instilling them in you now. They don't just need you physically weak to perform the ritual to get your power, they need you emotionally and psychologically weak, they need you to want to end it, to want to give up, that way there won't be any type of resistance when they try to kill you." Dammit, I hate it when people mind-fuck me. They get inside your head and make you believe things, and I can't believe I actually let them. Earlier I was thinking that I'm just a whore, that I'm bad and dirty? How could I be so dumb, why didn't I know that's what they wanted me to think? "If you go there and try to fight what you've been experiencing will increase by tenfold. The pain will be worst, the voices will be louder, it'll be like experiencing the memories only amplified. It'd be better for everyone, including you, if you just stay here."

"Ok." Buffy put the phone down and walked over to us. "I have seven slayers coming here, they'll be here within two hours. Willow and Angel are going to stay here with you, Dawn said she'd keep Matthew longer in case we don't kill them by noon tomorrow. There's dinner in the fridge, just heat it up in the microwave, I have a load of clothes in the dryer so take those out for me when it's done. I'm going to do a quick patrol, I'll be back in a little while." She's rushing to speak and gathering up her stuff at the same time because she knows I'm not going to let her leave. I get up off of the couch and gently hold onto her upper arm. She looks into my eyes, there's sympathy in hers along with this need to hunt, she needs to get out and work off the tension, but she can't. I can't let her go out there alone when there are these wicked strong demons working some evil mojo, she could get hurt or killed.

"No B, you can't go patrolling. They might kill you to get to me and I'm not gonna let that happen. So just sit tight and wait for the little slayers to get here." She tries to say something but I interrupt her. I may hate it when people do it to me but that doesn't mean I'm not going to do it to them. At least when I need to. "No. I won't let you leave. You're not going to get hurt because of me, I'm not worth it. So put your stuff back and sit down at the table. I'm kinda hungry and I want to have dinner with my girl." I smile a sweet smile, I can almost taste the sugar in my mouth. She kind of rolls her eyes a little and gets really serious. She lets her coat and stake fall to the floor and then puts her hands on my hips. Probably not a good idea but we both need this.

"Faith, don't ever talk about yourself like that again. You are so worth it. Right now I'd probably be nothing without you. Well, I would be something, but I wouldn't be this happy, this fulfilled. You've given me so much, a great life, a son. I could never ask for more because I have everything that I could ever want and it's all because of you. I'll eat dinner with you but I need to patrol, ok?" She pouts a little bit and I can't resist that. I agree with her and she puts her coat and stake back. I heat up the food that she had cooked, I guess she hadn't planned on me waking up to find her still here. I scoop out the spaghetti onto two plates and grab a couple forks and set them down at the table.

She starts to eat in this little seductive matter that she knows just drives me insane. She twirls some of the noodles onto the fork and slowly brings it up to her mouth. She looks up at me through her eyelids and then slowly wraps her lips around the noddles and slowly pulls the fork away and then makes this little moaning sound, like just eating the food is giving her sexual pleasure. How can just watching someone eat get somebody hot? I don't know how but it's getting me very hot and bother. When we're done eating she cleans up the dishes and I have to force myself not to touch her because I know that the smallest touch between us will escalate and I'll end up hurting her again.

The other slayers got there before she could leave. They were all wicked early and she was surprised because she had gotten a little bit of resistance from some of them. Just looking at their faces I can tell which ones don't want to be here. Even though it's against my better judgement I grab Buffy by the upper arm before she can go and give her a soldering kiss. She kisses me back but she cuts it short before we get too involved. She leaves one last chaste kiss on my lips before heading out to fight a battle that she shouldn't have to fight.


	7. Fine Again

The Same Night. FPOV

I can't just sit here. I thought that I'd be able to wait for Buffy and the others to do their thing and then get back here. But I can't. I'm too nervous about what's happening right now. There are some many things that I don't know and it's driving me insane. Like, how many demons are there? What do they look like? How strong are they? Is Buffy leading the fight? Well, the answer to that is yes. She's going to be in charge no matter what the other slayers say, and that's what scares me. She'll keep fighting until she wins because these things are after me. She'll let herself die before she'll let them kill me. I know the situation isn't like it sounds. She wouldn't give up her life just to save me, she'd give up her life to save me, and our son, and her family and friends and all of the people that we don't know. Because if these demons get a hold of me then all of those things will die.

Angel and Willow can tell that I'm getting restless. They're just as anxious as I am right now but I'm the only one who's showing it. My right leg is shaking up and down as I try to concentrate on the T.V. WIllow thought it might help take our minds off of things if we watch something. Her taste for T.V. shows is just as bad as Buffy's. I don't know how me and Kennedy have survived this long. I just can't stand the voices of the women on that show. It's not just the voices but they talk really fast and even though I can keep up not much of what they say makes any sense. Whatever, I guess I'm just not a Gilmore fan.

I get up and walk into the training room. While I was passed out WIllow fixed the punching bag. I guess Buffy was too busy ranting to really explain what was going on and she mentioned me breaking the bag so Willow fixed it and put a little more magic behind it so now nothing should be able to destroy it. That's what she said last time. I walk over to the little table that we have. I picked up a cd and put it in the boom box and skip through until I find the one I want. I press pause and then go over to the cupboard and wrap up my hands in the protective tape. I walk back over to the table and press the play button and turn it up as loud as it will go. There seems to be this vibration all through the room because of the music coming out of the speakers. Then I start to stretch out a little. I listen to the loud, hateful sounding music and I let it fuel me, let it take control of my actions as I beat the punching bag, letting out all of this pent up anxious energy that I have over the thought of losing Buffy.

Suicide! Don't give a fuck out this my life or any other. Just go away and let me hang! Impossible to forgive, forget it, murderer! I'm in control! Living a lie. Make you pay at all costs for this. Love sick! Bullshit! Bring it! Decisions making themselves. I don't need your thorns in my sides! So I die!

A little over the top and overly dramatic for the situation I know, but the music is hard and raw and everything that I need right now. It's fueling me, it's building up a breaking point that I'll hopefully be able to reach and then all of this tension will be able to just go away. I hate that I'm feeling like this. I hate that there's nothing I can do, that I'm actually part of the problem and I can't even help fix it. But I also have a lot of fear going on as well. Fear of losing Buffy, fear of being a single mom, fear that everything I've ever cared about is going to be ripped away from me. I can't take this, it's just too much to handle. I need to get out of here, I need to go help, to protect her, but I can't. I have to stay here or else the entire world will suffer.

Determined! To bring you all down with me. Break you, beat down, no more fucking empathy! From me, for you. Fed up, I've had enough! Duality, my war! Existence, instigated controversy! Lay down, sell out, so wrong! Drag the blade and go away. I stand, cold cruel and lost! Take me, I'm ready!

I don't think I'd be able to do it. I need Buffy so much. I wouldn't be able to raise our son by myself. I know I'd screw up. I'd fuck him up the way my mother fucked me up. I know I wouldn't hit him, or hurt him but I definitely wouldn't be able to give him the life he deserves. And I know I'd never be able to move on. If Buffy dies then I'm done. I think I would die inside and nothing would ever be the same. I wouldn't be able to do anything except be depressed. I don't think I'd be able to look at Mattie. I'd look at him and see her lips, hear her laugh. I wouldn't be able to. I wouldn't be able to go one with a living reminder of what I had and will never have again. I'd totally neglect him, and he deserves better then that. He deserves better then what I have to offer.

I want to eat a bullet! Carve myself! Beat my face catatonic! Dig my brain! No pain! Suffocate! Stomach aches! Don't give a fuck! I'm out, I'm done! Fuck this shit. You've dug the hole I'm lying in! No one! No one could ever understand! My life's exhausted! No on! No one could ever understand! Pressure constricting! So hard! Like a stone. Fight hard, break bones, break. No one! No one could ever understand! This life I'm in! My world! My rules! My noose! My world! My rules! Fuck you!

As the last word is yelled out I punch the bag extra hard. I gotta admit Willow's spell held up pretty well. I'm already tired from beating the bag and that song was only like five minutes long. I'm sweating everywhere, my lungs are burning and my legs are sore from kicking the bag so hard. I collapse to the floor and stare up at the ceiling as I try to get my breathing back under control. I tune out the music and I concentrate really hard. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. I think of only her and I use our slayer connection to seek her out. It takes a couple of minutes and then I'm able to feel her. I concentrate even harder, go deeper into the little ravine that I've created between us. I can see what she's seeing, smell what she's smelling, hear what she's hearing, there's more but you get the idea right?

The cave she's in smells like sulfur. I almost want to break the connection on the smell alone but I don't. She's determined to win. She believes that she's going to because she needs to think it or else she might loose. If she thinks of anything else right now she might lose. A couple of the girls have been hurt but they're still fighting. She's worried about them but she has confidence that they'll prevail in their mission. The set up for the ritual is pretty basic. Huge cauldron in the middle of the cave, something funky smelling coming out of it, there's a couple of dead animals lying next to the cauldron, a couple of large knives are next to the carcasses. The demons themselves are huge and I'm really wishing I where there right now. They're ten feet tall, built like fucking linebackers, scaly black skin that looks pretty fuckin sharp. They have these horns coming out the side of their heads where a human's temples would be. The horns curl above their heads and the tips are touching. They're growling like lions and I really wanna fucking be there.

Buffy turns her head over to the right when she hears a scream. One of the other slayers was just stabbed through the stomach with one of those wicked looking knives. Buffy's starting to panic a little bit. I don't know if this is going to work but it's worth a shot. I gather up all of the positive energy that I can and I send it out to her. I try to force it through the connection and it's working. She's calming down and gaining her confidence back. I start whispering lightly and I know she can hear it, even if she thinks it's just a little thought in the back of her mind. I'm telling her to let go, to unleash the slayer, to stop holding back. I feel her human half start to slip away and she's nothing but pure energy and violence as she takes out the demons one by one, slicing and hacking away with the long sword she took with her. Their blood is thick and oozes out of their broke bodies like sludge.

The final demon, the leader of the linebackers, ha I am one silly bitch. Anyway, the leader of these guys is huge, larger then the others. He's at least fifteen feet, the horns are larger, his eyes are glowing a bright orange color. The scales are more like disks sticking off of his body. As soon as I see him, feel his dark presence I know that he's the one that's been fucking with me. He's the only one out of those demons that's powerful enough to use magic that strong. I see him and I'm filled with anger. He's the one that made me do those things to Buffy. He made me hurt her, violate her in one of the worst ways. He's the one that's been beating me, making me feel weak, making me feel like I want to die. All of that anger and hatred that I'm feeling is crossing through the connection and seeping into her. It amplifies her, takes her strength and power to a whole new level.

The other slayers are circling around behind him. His focus is on Buffy and Buffy alone. They lock eyes and I can see his coldness, I get a chill down my spine because of it. Her anger is growing, fueled by mine, and I can heal her heavy breathing, mine is starting to increase because of it. She lowers herself down, walking with her knees bent, legs like a fucking spring being pulled back and ready to release. Then she does. With a loud battle cry she runs forward and jumps in the air, spinning around in a circle so that the blade of the sword will slice him across his middle. Good in theory but on her way towards him he back hands her with one of his massive hands and she goes flying off to the side. The others attack, striking when they can but it isn't enough. As she lies on the ground she watches the battle that's taking place. The others are fighting pretty good some of them are jumping in the air to try and reach his head. This is when he becomes angered, and he fights them off a lot more violent then when they try to stab his stomach or legs. The idea forming in her mind, she stands up and slowly looks around the large cave.

She sees a little ledge about twenty feet high. If she can get up there then she'd be taller then the demon and would have a little bit of an advantage. She runs over to the wall at full speed and total Matrix style, starts to run up the wall until she reaches the ledge. She reaches out and grabs the side of it with her free hand and pulls herself up. She crouches down, making sure that the demons hasn't seen her. He's still distracted by the other slayers and she sighs a little breath of relief. She walks down so she's at the far end of the ledge and patiently waits for her opportunity.

This is better then a fucking movie, I'll tell you that right now. The suspense is more then I can take. I really, really wish I were there to help her fight. The high that she's going to feel afterwards is going to be incredible. She'll be so worked up that she'll probably hide in the bushes on the way home to work off some of the tension herself. Ok Faith, time to get your mind off of a sexy, masturbating Buffy, you can think about that later. She sees what she's been waiting for and her muscles tense up, getting ready to pounce. She backs up as far as she can so that she can get a running start, and then she lunges into the air and towards the demon's head. And when she's five feet away from him the connection dies and I'm left staring up at the ceiling. What the fuck!

No, no, no! I jump up off of the floor and rush for the front door. Angel sees what I'm doing and since he's so fucking quick he's able to jump out in front of me and block my path. Since I'm moving so fast I can't slow down in time and I run right into him. He wraps his arms around me to prevent me from just pushing him aside and I really wanna stake him right now. I need to get there, I need to help her. She could be dying right now and I'm not there. I won't get to say goodbye, I won't get to tell her how much I'll miss her, how much she's changed me for the better. I won't get to tell her that I'm afraid.

Ok, calm down. She'll be fine, she's Buffy, she died for God sakes and she's still alive. This is nothing, just a little obstacle that she needs to overcome. I relax and Angel lets me go. I back away from the door and he steps to the side. I lean up against the wall and I stay completely calm. When he's far enough away I make a mad dash for the door and before he can react I'm down the steps of the porch and I've throw open the gate and I'm running down the driveway. I can hear him chasing after me, but he hasn't lived in this town for the last seven years. I know these streets like the back of my fucking hand. I turn down a little alley way and jump over a wooden fence. Once I'm in the backyard I run towards the house and jump and grab onto the rain gutter and pull myself up on the roof. I run to the front of the house and jump down and just keep running.

I can feel her so she's still alive. I have no idea where I'm going I'm just following our connection. I guess the little junction that I made in the training room is still there it's just weak. It takes me to the other side of town near the high school. I go to the back of the school where there's a patch of forest. God, is every high school evil? I guess so because the cave is back here. I walk towards the entrance of it and I see the other slayers walking out. Kennedy is carrying an injured girl that I don't recognize. Buffy is the last to come out. I can smell her from here and I'm thirty feet away. I run up to her, and just like in a cheesey romantic comedy, I lift her up by the hips and spin her around a couple of times. I lower her down and our lips connect. God it feels so good to kiss her without having to worry about being taken over by an evil demon and being forced to try and rape her. Wait, I might have just jinxed it. I pull back and she's breathing really heavy and subconsciously grinding her hips against mine.

"We can have sex right? I'm not gonna hurt you?" She shakes her head no and kisses me again. Ok wait, no we can't have sex or no I'm not going to hurt her? I pull back again and look into her desire filled eyes. I have a feeling that even if the demon did take me over she wouldn't say no to anything it tries to do to her. "Am I going to hurt you?" She shakes her head no again. Good enough answer for me. She grabs me by the arm straps of the shirt I'm wearing and pulls me over into the bushes. Ha! I told you she'd be so worked up she'd fuck in the bushes. Ok, well I said she'd fuck herself, but I'm half right because if I weren't here I know she'd be fingering herself right now.

She lies down on the ground, her legs are spread and in the air, bent at the knees and as soon as I'm on top of her she wraps them around my lower back to keep me in place. She wants to go slow I can tell, but the animal inside of her won't allow it. She unleashed the slayer one hundred percent tonight. She's only done that a couple of times in the past. The after effects of doing that is so fucking wicked. It's like you're on top of the world, nothing can reach you, nothing matters but fulfilling the desire that's screaming out to you. She doesn't like to let the slayer take charge because she likes to be in control of herself, and when you hand over the control to the slayer you don't get a say in what happens until the lust for the kill is satisfied.

I go real slow because I want to savor this. Even if we are out in the woods like a couple of teenagers. I kiss her deeply, seek out the hidden bounties of her mouth. She tastes like vanilla, I don't know how she does it but she always seems to taste like vanilla. She's grinding against me very quickly, she needs release soon but we're going to take this slower then that. I support myself with my knees and place my hands over her hips and hold her still. I pull back from the kiss and she gasps for air. I leave little love bites on her throat and gently lick at the salty skin. I hear her whimper and I look up. She has tears in her eyes, she needs release so badly that she's crying. I'd rather go slow and savor this moment but I can't, she needs me too badly. I unbutton and unzip her pants and slide my hand inside. She's so wet right now that I don't think I'm gonna be able to give her the friction she needs. Maybe after tonight she'll finally say yes to buying some toys.

She's grinding quickly against my hand and she's being as quiet as she can for whatever reasons, I don't know. I carefully slip three fingers into her tight entrance. She hisses and I stop, thinking that maybe I've hurt her. I'm still a little worried that I'm going to do something wrong, that maybe the demon isn't dead at all, maybe it's just playing dead and he's waiting for us to have sex and then he's going to make me kill her. Alright Faith, enough with the morbid thinking, get your head together. I snap back to what's going on and she's thrusting against my hand and moving her hips in a circular motion. Ok so I'm not hurting her after all. See Faith? She's fine, ok stop talking to yourself it's weird. Whatever. So I start to thrust in as much as I can. Unfortunately her pants are tight so it's kind of hard to move my hand around too much. I start to rub her clit with my thumb and I press down really hard. She cries out into the darkness and I feel the gush of her orgasm all over my hand. She's not satisfied by far, but this will hold her off until we get home.

BPOV

I know this is going to sound weird so don't laugh, but during the fight I could have sworn Faith was right there with me. It was like she was a part of me, like we were sharing the same body. I even heard her whisper into my ear. She told me to let go, to let the slayer take complete control and I did. I don't regret it because it was the slayer that ended up saving my life. After I jumped off of the little cliff it was too late to do anything when I realized that I had jumped too far and I was going to land right on top of those nasty horns. But the slayer was in control, so instead of just falling she started to twist my legs around kind of like a cat with twist its tail when its falling, and that slowed me down a little bit. I landed a little high up for my liking, but I was still able to stab the demon in the throat with my sword. I had to jump off because he burst into a huge ball of light, taking my sword with him. I'm gonna miss that sword, oh well.

Anyway, right after the demon was gone and I was able to catch my breath I got the post slaying hornies like you wouldn't believe. Kennedy had to help me up off of the ground and I had to use every single ounce of self-control not to jump her. Now I'd never ever, ever cheat on Faith, but I really needed release. So when I walked out of the...and is it just me or does it seem like every high school has some type of great evil lurking near it? Back on track here, when I walked out of the cave and saw Faith there I almost couldn't take it. I pulled her aside and she gave me a little bit of a release but I needed so much more, way more then she could give me right then. I can't believe I cried. I felt so stupid afterwards but she just wiped my tears away and told me I looked beautiful. Leave it up to Faith to lie to make me feel better.

So right now we're running back to the house. I'm holding her hand and we're in the middle of the street. Luckily this town is pretty quiet at night so we don't have to worry about traffic. I know her feet are going to be hurting soon, she's still barefoot, and she's still in her pajamas, well a wife beater and a pair of boxers. I really hope that Angel's still alive because I know that she would stake him to get to me. I wonder what happened to Willow. Ok, the need is starting to build again. It's so hard to walk let alone run because I need her so bad and my knees are weak. I slow down to a stop and I breathe out the words 'carry me'. She picks me up bridal style and carries me the rest of the way. The entire time I'm kissing and licking at her neck and cleavage. That only made her run faster and I can't help but laugh.

She jumps over the steps of our front porch and lands right in front of the door. I open it up since her hands are full and she steps inside. The first thing I smell is the aroma of sex and I ignore the high pitched moans and squeals that are coming from the other side of the couch as Faith makes a mad dash to the bedroom. She kicks the bedroom door shut and then practically throws me onto the bed. I bounce a couple of times and laugh as she strips off her clothes. I take mine off and throw them in all directions around the room. She crawls towards me and I wrap my hands around the back of her neck and pull her into a burning kiss. Her hand finds my sex and she inserts three fingers. She's soft and gentle but that's not what I need right now. I need it rough and raw. I flip her over onto her back, she laughs a little at the way I'm acting but I don't care. I straddle her waist with her fingers still deep inside. I ride her hard and fast. She can't keep up with me, at least not yet. Once she gets used to the rhythm she'll be able to keep up with me. This doesn't happen often, usually it's me having to keep up with her, or her having to slow down a little. I think this is taking her off guard but she doesn't seem to mind.

I feel her fingers wiggle around like she's playing a guitar or something. I buck harder against her and cry out as her middle finger brushes my G-spot. She presses on it again and another wave of pleasure rushes through me. She reaches down with her other hand and rubs my clit with her fingers, then she gently pinches my twitching muscles. I scream as I come all over her hands and she keeps pumping inside me, drawing out my orgasm for as long as she can. My eyes are closed tightly and every color of Crayola is flashing before my eyes in all sorts of shapes. I finally collapse on top of her, my breathing is ragged and heavy, my skin is dripping with sweat and we've only just begun.

She lightly kisses my forehead as I come down from my high. Her arms are wrapped loosely around me. I smile weakly since my face muscles are the first that I can control again. I start to kiss her cheek and then move over to her mouth and claim her lips with mine. She tastes like a mixture of licorice and cloves and over the years I've come to love that taste. I swirl my tongue on the roof of her mouth and she growls out. She doesn't moan, she doesn't groan, she growls. I press down on her shoulders with my hands, holding her down as I grind against her. I use my knees to spread her legs apart. I reach down with one hand and spread her lips apart. She hisses out and I look into her eyes. She's being really quiet, she usually talks a lot. I hope nothing's wrong with her. Is she still afraid that the demon is going to make her do stuff? Because I killed that demon, and it was badass, she would have loved it.

"Babe, what's the matter?" I ask and lightly kiss the side of her neck. She moans a little and grinds her hips some more, silently begging for contact. Silently, this is really starting to freak me out. She doesn't say anything, she just wraps her legs around me and gently presses down with her heels. I get what she's trying to say, but I don't understand why she isn't saying it. Oh well, I can always ask afterwards. Now that the slayer part of me is satisfied things aren't as rushed, we can take our time and enjoy the moment in it's entirety and not just the release. I reach down with my hand again and open up my inner lips. I lower myself down onto her and we both gasp when our clits touch. We stare into each other's eyes as if we're looking for an ending, as if we're trying to see each other's souls.

We start a slow rhythm and when we each thrust we moan out our approval. It doesn't take very long for my orgasm to start to build up. But we continue to go slow, enjoying this most intimate position. She has tears in her eyes, which is a little surprising. She blinks and the tears slowly leak out the corners of her eyes. I lean down and kiss the drops away. I slowly lick my lips and taste the salty flavor. I look back into her eyes and smile a little. She leans up and kisses me, tasting her tears on my lips. We speed up the pace as our climaxes approach. I can tell by her facial expression that I'm closer then she is. I reach down between our bodies and insert two fingers into her. She throws her head back and quickens the speed of her hips. She reaches down and enters me with two fingers as well and I hiss in a breath. I leave soft kisses on her throat and I moan against her as we climax together.

I roll off of her and stare up at the ceiling as we catch our breath. I feel her start to shake and I look over at her. She's trying not to cry. She gets like this sometimes, I've mentioned that she's needy after sex, right? Well now is one of those times. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me. She rests her head on my shoulder and I can feel a couple of tears land on my hot skin. That was intense, more so then usual. A lot of emotions were running through her when she came so I pretty much expected her to be this way. I don't mind that she gets like this, more cuddles for me. I lift her up her and some how manage to pull the covers over us without ripping them. I tighten my grip on her when I hear her breathing start to even out. I give her a small kiss on top of her head and quickly follow her into the land of slumber.

I wake up alone, which I hate. I look around the room and it's still dark. I look over at the alarm clock on the nightstand and it reads two thirty-four am. I yawn widely, what the hell am I doing awake? I was just having a great dream. Faith was in a pink skirt and white blouse with these really cute sky blue sandals and she took me on a surprise picnic to this field where we ate strawberries and whip cream and each other. Now I'm awake and feeling a little horny and Faith isn't even here to help me. I pout and get out of bed. I walk towards the bathroom and see the light leaking out from under the door. Ok, she's just in the bathroom. I go back into the bedroom and wait for her. I don't know how long I've waited so far but I don't fight my eyelids as they slowly close and I fall back to sleep.

When I wake up the second time the sun is shining through the window and it's pissing me off. I feel something lying next to me but it isn't Faith. I slowly open my eyes and see that instead of being curled up with my lover I'm curled up with the giant teddy bear she bought me when I was pregnant with Matthew. She was gone a lot in the beginning of the pregnancy because Giles needed her in Ohio and she wasn't sure how long she was going to be gone, and Dawn needed me so I had to stay home. She bought me a giant brown fuzzy teddy bear that's about the size of her and she sprayed her perfume all over it and even smoked around it to get that clove smell to it. Every night she was gone I'd cuddle up to it and pretend that it was her.

I look over to the door when I hear it open and Faith walks in carrying a tray and two plates loaded with food. I smile a sweet smile at her. She hasn't made me breakfast in bed in so long. I was still recovering from giving birth. None of our friends had been over because Faith had told them that I still needed my rest and if they wanted to live to see the baby grow up then they'd stay away. The morning after we brought Matthew home I woke up, feeling sore and exhausted and Faith had made pancakes with strawberries, whip cream, some sausage, one cherry flavored pop tart, and a glass of milk. She brought breakfast to me every morning in bed until I was well enough to get up and make my own. I miss being pampered by her, that's for sure. She's so tender and loving, most people don't even realize because they still remember her as the 'badass psycho slayer'. If only they could see her the way I see her, then they'd know what a good person she really is.

I sit up when she gets closer and she sets the tray down across my lap. Fortunately it has these stands that hold it up otherwise I'd probably drop it. I'm still pretty tired after last night. That was one hell of a fight. I don't think I'll ever forget it. She tries to kiss me but I pull away. Now I don't mind when she has it but I'm way too self-conscious for her to kiss me when I have morning breath. She smiles an understanding smile and crawls on the bed so she's sitting on her side of the bed. I look down and see that all of the food she made for me the first time she cooked me breakfast in bed is all here, only there's more because she made a plate for herself. I frown a little when I see that there's only one fork. She picks it up and cuts a little piece of my pancake for me and holds it up and smiles. I roll my eyes a little bit and she laughs.

"Come on B, let me feed ya. It'll be adorable." Did I really just hear Faith say the word 'adorable'? Wow, looks like Dawn really does owe me some money. I wrap my lips around the fork and slowly pull the food off of it. I give her my 'yummy face' and moan my approval. It drives her crazy when I do that. She cuts a piece of food off of her plate and eats it. She's watching me the entire, and I know by the end of this breakfast she's going to be very, very worked up, if I have anything to do about it at least. We eat in relative silence except for my moans and the scraping sound of the fork on the plates. She looks over at me like she wants to say something but she's hesitant. I give her a questioning look and then nod my head a little. "I woke up early couldn't get back to sleep, I had some time to think." Her thinking, that's never good. Almost every time she says that we either have to buy something expensive, have Xander build something or she broke something and is trying to convince me that we don't need it anyway before she confesses to breaking it. She sighs and then takes another bite of food before feeding some to me. Now that I'm trying to concentrate on something else this isn't as cute. So we take turns with the fork.

"Ok, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to word this right so don't get mad if it comes out wrong." Ok so we won't have to buy anything or build anything, but what did she break? "I've been thinking 'bout what you said 'bout a week ago." What did I say about a week ago? Hmm, I can't remember. It could be important but I don't remember what. I know we were fighting about a week ago, did I say something out of anger that she's been thinking about? I'll act like I know what she's talking about though because I hate when I look stupid. I nod my head a little and take a bite of sausage and then hand her the fork. "I think that maybe, and this is a maybe because we'll have to talk about it a lot more. But I think it would be nice to have another baby." What? Did she just say what I think she just said? I'm trying to hold back my smile in case I am going crazy and she really said something else.

"I mean, Mattie's five, it might be nice for him to have a little brother or sister to look out for, and get into trouble with and argue with and all of the other good sibling stuff." I take the fork from her despite the fact that she still hasn't taken a bite, I set it on the tray then carefully put the tray on the nightstand. She's looking at me a little funny but ignore it as I scoot closer to her so that our bodies are touching and I kiss her deeply, despite the fact that I still haven't brushed my teeth. I arch my back so that my chest presses against hers, she moans a little and I run my fingers through her hair and gently massage her scalp the way she likes it. She moans louder into my mouth and then pulls back for air. She smiles at me, this huge smile that I can't help but reciprocate. So we're really going to be thinking about this huh? And not just think she said that we're going to talk about it. So we're really talking about having another baby? "Damn, if thinking 'about havin one gets you this happy maybe we should have three, maybe four." I laugh a little and shake my head. I kiss her again, a gentle kiss that doesn't last as long as the one before it.

"If you wanna give birth to all those babies then I guess we should start with the hot lovin." I laugh at the little joke but she has what I was classify as a 'bad reaction'. Her faces pales a little bit and her jaw kind of gapes a little. Ok, what did I say? I wasn't serious about that, she does know that right? We might have like two more maybe, but I think it would be best if we just have two kids. I've always imagined having two kids, I think two would be enough, the stress would probably get to be too much if we have three. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" She gulps loudly and shakes her a little bit. She runs a hand through her hair and shifts around a little.

"I was sort of thinking that you would have the baby. I mean you had Mattie so the pain won't be as bad right?" I don't know. Is the pain just as bad? These are the questions that I really wish I could ask my mother. When Matthew was born I didn't know what to do. Giles was the one who showed us how to change a diaper. Apparently one of the old Council members that he was friends with had a baby and Giles would watch her while his friend attended to important Council business. I sigh and wrap my arms around her neck. I give her a little kiss on the lips. She still looks really freaked out.

"Well, I've been thinking about this for a long time now. I've been wanting another baby since Mattie was three, I just didn't say anything because I wasn't sure how you would feel about it and Willow doesn't know the spell that was used. I always thought that you'd carry the second one. I know that it's a lot of pain, you kind of got a little taste of that because of our slayer connection." She laughs a sarcastic laugh and I kiss her on the neck. "But having a baby, having a little life growing inside of you...it's hard to explain, but there's nothing else like it. It's such a wonderful experience, and when you finally get to hold that little life in your arms for the first time...it's like everything in the world is just right, like all of the planets are lining up just to make you happy. And sure, afterwards with the hormones and getting over the trauma that's a little hard, but...Do you remember the first week we brought Matthew home how I'd feed him his bottle and I'd talk to him and he'd look at me with this look like 'hey, I know you'?" She smiles and nods her head. "Well, it'll be a lot like that, I don't know I guess it just depends on the baby, but I'm sure you and him or her will have that same kind of bond." Oh yeah, she's just like melting jell-O now. She kisses me and I can't help but feel really, really happy. For the first time in the last week or so I'm just really, really happy.

"Ok don't think that just because I'm kissing you like this that I'm agreein with you because we still have a lot to talk about. And when you were pregnant with Mattie you were really...uh...best way to word this?" she asks herself. "Mean. Yeah, you were a very mean pregnant woman. Do you really think it would be good for everyone around us if I'm like that? 'Cause I'm sarcastic and bitchy enough as it is." She goes to keep talking but I cut her off with a kiss. Maybe if I do this enough she'll finally give in and agree to be the one to have the baby. I really want to her know what it's like, I want her to have that experience. It's one of the best things to ever happen to me. No I take that back it wasn't just one of the best things, it is the best thing to ever happen to me. I want her to know what that feels like.

FPOV

So we've been talking about the baby thing for a couple of days now. We've been really quiet about it and mostly talking during the day because we don't want Mattie to hear us and think that we are going to have one because we're still not sure. We have the spare bedroom that we can always change into a nursery. It looks like I won't be getting my game room back after all. And there's so much other stuff that we gotta consider. Like Tucker. He's been kind of ignored for a while because of all the heavy drama. But he's used to being around Mattie, a little kid he can rough and tumble with, but a baby? He's never been around babies before. What if he hurts it? I love him and everything but I'm sure if he ever hurt my baby I'd break his neck with my own hands. Ok, I know I shouldn't think like that, but it's true. And I'm not talking about him accidently hurting it, what if he gets so jealous that he can't take it and he tries to attack it? I'd definitely kill him if he tried that.

There's other stuff too. Babies are expensive, is Giles willing to give us more money so we'd be able to pay for a baby or should I get a GED and then go to a community college so I'll be able to get a good job? Now that I'm thinking about this rationally and gotten passed the 'wouldn't it be cool?' stage this is really starting to freak me out. And Mattie was a pretty easy baby to raise. He didn't cry much, he'd sleep anywhere and he never fought it. What if we get one of those kids who hates going to sleep and will cry for hours just to stay awake? Or one of those kids that has to eat at exactly the same time everyday, or they'll only sleep in their basinet and nowhere else? Ok, I need to calm down, I can't breathe. But seriously, what are we going to do? Now that I've admitted that I'm willing to talk about it and that I'm open to the idea...I can't just say no, it'd break Buffy's heart. She's wanted another baby for like two years. Alright Faith, time to concentrate.

I'm standing in the training room. We had Xander build us a dummy thing for practice. Me and Buffy carved these little stakes, so cute. Um, not cute, I mean like, ya know, they're just small. Fuck you, I can say something's cute if I want. Anyway, I'm standing in the training room my arms are behind my back, my legs spread shoulder length apart, like a total fuckin boot camp leader. I know I look serious even though it's hard when the person you're training is just so small and standing there in his little camouflage style pants and black t-shirt, he looks like a little solider in training. All he's missing is the hat. But I'm sure Buffy will find one of those. She's the one that found the pants and the shirt. Even the little army boots, those are something to see. Ok totally fucking off topic. He's not paying attention anymore, that kid doesn't have the best attention span, you can really tell he's related to me.

"Mattie, pay attention now. What I'm gonna tell you is really important." He sighs and turns his attention back to me. He's the one that wanted to train he could at least do it without that attitude. I wasn't that bad when I was training was I? God, I hope not because if I was then I know that this is karma saying: 'see Faith, maybe you shouldn't have been thinking about Buffy's ass when you were supposed to be paying attention.' I sigh and give him this look. "Mattie, you were the one who wanted to do this. Now it took me almost an hour." Of giving Buffy head. "To get your mother to agree to this. I know this part is a little boring but we'll get to the fighting soon, ok?" He sighs again and kind of rolls his eyes as if he's thinking about it.

"Yes sir." I raise my eyebrow at him and give him this little glare. "I mean, ma'am." He corrects himself. I smile at him, I really have taught him well. The sir thing used to drive Buffy insane, you should have seen it, it was hilarious. I would go to a flashback and show you but I'm a little busy right now, remind me about it later, k? I walk over to the table and pick up two stakes one my size and one for him. I stand in front of him, about six feet away. We haven't really tested him a whole lot yet. He broke Spike's nose so we know he's strong and he can sense vampires and we know he's fast because he always runs away from Buffy when she tries to get him dressed after his bath. He likes to be nude, he definitely takes after me.

So, like I said, I'm standing about six feet in front of him and I hold up the stake so he can see it. I toss it to him, a pretty fast toss but if he doesn't catch it it'll just hit the mat he's standing on. Without even breaking eye contact he reaches over with his right hand and grabs the stake in the middle. He holds in out in front of him and looks at it. He hasn't held one before, until a couple of days ago he hasn't even seen one. He flexes and un-flexes his fingers around it, getting a good feel for the wood. I look over at Buffy, she's watching from the couch. She just wants to watch today, she figured that since it was my idea I should be the one to give him the first couple of lessons. But after the first couple she's going to start teaching him too. If things go well with the first that is. She wants me to make it perfectly clear that we are in no way encouraging him to use his powers in front of other people or to use them to get what he wants. We're doing this because now that we're slaying a little more then we used to we might as well teach him some basic defense just in case a vampire tries to attack him while we're outside or something.

"Ok, now when you're going to start working out the first thing you want to do is pick a good kind of music for what kind of..." I hear Buffy cough and I look over at her. She's sort of shaking her head from side to side and I sigh. This is my lesson I don't think she needs to be criticizing it. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to go with it. Hey, maybe if I give her an hour of more head she'll agree to just kind of back off. "Right, stretching is the very first thing that you want to do. Now, watch me and do exactly what I do, ok?" He nods his head and gets kind of excited because he finally gets to do something else but just stand there. I turn so that Buffy will get a good view, gotta please my girl after all, and I bend down and touch my toes effortlessly. I can feel her eyes on my ass and I smile a little bit. I look up and Mattie's doing the same thing, touching all the way down to the ground perfectly.

"Great, that's really good Mattie. Now do this." I stand up and bend my leg back and grad onto the top of my foot and pull it up so that the bottom of my shoe is touching my ass. He's having a little trouble with this one. I walk over and gently pull his leg back and take his hand and place it over the top of his foot. Once he has a hold of it he's able to pull it up. "Good, now do it with the other one." We both repeat the stretch with the other legs and then we sit down and stretch out by grabbing our toes and then I show him how to stretch out his arms. Now that he's good and limber we can get down to the real training. I'll teach him about the music later. "Now, what you want to do is stick the pointy end of the wood into the center of the X." There're two strips of duct tape over the dummy's heart making an X.

"Why over the X?" He's never really questioned me before, but he's starting to do that more lately. Gets that from his mother no doubt. The way Willow talked it up little miss curious broke up the loyalties of a government military operation by simply asking questions and being the little nuisance that she can be. We haven't really explained the whole 'vampires and demons are real so be careful because they'll try to kill you' thing yet. We don't want to give him nightmares. I guess now is a pretty good time to start the explanation. Better idea, I could always leave it up to Buffy. Hmm, do I really wanna be the type of parent that leaves the important conversations up to the mother? As much as I want to say yes I have to say no.

"You know that feeling you got when Mommy's friend came over a couple days ago?" He nods his head. Normally it takes him a couple of minutes to remember stuff that happened a couple days ago, but I guess that's a feeling you never forget having though. "Well, you see...he's...um." I look over at Buffy with this 'help me out here!' sort of look. See this is why I don't like explaining things like these because I never know how to explain it. I don't want to say too much and then give him nightmares and I don't want to say too little and make him think that vampires are good. Ok, I think I know what to say, I'm just not sure. I hate not knowing the answer, it makes me feel so stupid. Alright, enough with the negative thinking. "You remember that story aunt Dawn told you about those bad people who lived in the town that Mommy and me used to live in?" He nods his head. Dawn told him a 'ghost story' about the vampires of Sunnydale. It was her way of trying to get him to stop being so friendly towards strangers. This kid has no fear of people that he doesn't know and it freaks me and Buffy out. When you gotta kid you don't just worry about demons and vampires gettin a hold of him. Kidnappers and other sick fucks are out there and we're scared that one day he's going to be friendly with the wrong person.

"Matthew, remember that movie that uncle Xander let you watch when he wasn't supposed to?" Apparently Buffy has a better idea. Xander did a really dumb thing and let Mattie watch some old vampire movie. It looked totally fake except for the vampires, they looked kind of like the real thing. Mattie got scared, he thought that vampires were going to come and get him. Buffy told him that a vampire can't come in the house unless someone who lives there invites them in, apparently the movie left that part out. She also went on to explain that vampires aren't real. We hate lying to him, that's one of the reasons why I want to go through this training because I hate letting him believe that there's nothing evil out there when he's felt it. "Well, vampires are real. I know that's scary, but it's true. Spike is a vampire." I wasn't talking about Spike, but now that she's brought him up I'm pissed off about it all over again. "But he's different from other vampires because he has a soul." Ok, she's making this a little complicated. I think it's time for me to step in. I pick him up and carry him over to the couch and sit him down across my lap so he can see both me and B.

"Mattie, there are bad things, monsters that are real. And they do hurt people. Mommy and me we fight those bad things." Ok, it's time for me to bring out my 'inner Giles'. "A long, long time ago." I make sure to stretch out the word 'long'. I like teasing Buffy about her being two years older then me and what better way then make this sound like it was so many years ago. "There was this girl. She was wicked strong, wicked fast, kind of a brat, and she fought the bad things. She saved people, helped 'em out when they needed it. Now, there's only supposed to be one girl at a time that has all of these wicked super powers. She's called a slayer. And a long, long, long time ago." She's glaring at me now. "In the town that Mommy and me used to live in, there was this wicked bad thing that was hurting all of these girls. And your mommy had aunt Willow use her magic." He knows magic is real, we were just trying to shield him from the bad stuff. "And she made it so that a lot of girls became slayers. And when your mommy and me made you the powers went into you when you were in your mommy's belly. That's why you can run so fast and can hear things that are far away and why you can tell when someone is one of those bad things."

There, I don't think I did too bad of job, do you? I have no fucking clue. His expression is blank as he thinks about what I told him. Buffy is still glaring at me for drawing out the 'longs' and I know I'm going to get an ear full later on. That's ok, I have my ways of making her feel young again. What? Don't look at me like that. I have a strong sexual appetite, that's just healthy. Anyway, he looks over at Buffy and then up at me. I give him a small smile but he doesn't return it. He holds is hand up to his forehead and closes his eyes like he has a headache or something. Ok so maybe I went a little too far, I don't know. I've never done this before I don't know what to tell him. If he were older then it would be different, but he's still really young, his mind is very fragile and we have to be careful about what we tell him.

"I need ta go lay down." He slides off of my lap and leaves the room. Did I really just drive my kid to actually want to take nap? Wow, this is bad. I get up and walk out of the room. I need to make sure I didn't over do it with the story. I thought that it might help, was it really that bad? I hope not. I don't want to be the reason he needs therapy when he's older. I walk into his bedroom and he's lying down on his bed. He's shoes are in the middle of the room along with his socks, and he's staring up at the ceiling. Please don't tell me he's having a mental break down or something. Did I break my boy? I sit down on the edge of the bed and run my fingers through his hair. We need to get it cut, it's getting kind of long.

"Mattie, are you ok? Did the story scare you?" He shakes his head no but he doesn't look at me. This is going to take a little more then I thought. "What's the matter?" He looks over at me, there's worry in his eyes and it's starting to freak me out. He sits up and crawls into my lap. I wrap my arms around him and he rests his head on my chest. Now this is really starting to freak me out. "Mattie, please tell me. What's wrong?" He sighs and starts to toy with the tape I have wrapped around my hands. I forgot I put that on. I'm just about to go crazy when he finally speaks.

"Mommy said a vampire can only come inna house if someone says they can come in. And Mommy let that ugly vampire in the house and now he can hurt us." I knew deep down that somehow this was going to be Buffy's fault. Ok, I didn't but still, she shouldn't have let Spike in our house in the first place and it turns out that her letting that stupid fuck in is the reason our boy is so upset. Sometimes I really just wanna give her a good smack to the back of her head, try to knock some sense into her.

"No, he can't. Willow used her magic so he can't come in anymore. He's not going to hurt you or Mommy or me. And if he tries then I'll slay him. Because that's what slayers do, we slay vampires." He turns around in my arms so he's looking up at me. He has this curious look on his face and I think I know what he's going to ask. "When you stick the pointy end of the wood into a vampire's heart they turn to dust and they just blow away." And stick to you if you're sweaty, that sucks so much you have no idea. "But you have to be very careful because they have sharp teeth and they're strong, and if they can they'll bite a person's neck and hurt them really, really bad." He nods his head a couple of times and then crawls back onto the bed. He doesn't really take naps anymore but I think he's all tuckered out.

"Mama, you said that Angel is a good guy, but he made the creepy feeling happen too." I was wondering when he was going to ask about Angel. Oh boy, is this going to be hard to explain or what? Alright, let's just stay calm and think about this for a second. How do you explain the concept of a soul to a five-year-old? Hmm...Well, I'm still at a loss, but I could at least give it a try. Maybe he'll give up this little questioning thing that he's doing and just accept whatever I have to say as a reasonable answer and then I can go and spar with Buffy. That was going to be part of the training. I was going to spar with her, sort of, and have him try out the same moves on her. Well, not the exact same moves because he's so small, but we would have figured something out.

"Angel is the only good vampire in the whole world. He has a soul, and a soul helps make him good." I know for a fact that just because you have a soul it doesn't mean that you're good, and I'm not going to lie about something like that. "But just because he's good doesn't mean he can come in the house. You never, ever, ever let a vampire come in the house, ok?" He nods his head and then rests his head down on the pillow. I lean forward and leave a little kiss on his forehead, which he wipes away. That was sort of cute in the beginning, now it's just annoying. I stand up and turn around and Buffy is standing in the doorway, smiling a little smile. I walk out of the room, staying right in front of her so she has to back up and I reach behind me and close the door. I keep walking until she's pressed up against the wall.

"I think you handled that very well, don't you?" she asks as I start to kiss and suck on her neck. She arches more into me and tilts her head off to the side to give me better access. She moans a little bit and starts to run her hands up and down my back. "I think you've been hanging around vampires too long." I chuckle a little against her skin. I didn't think it's funny, just a little ironic, well maybe, I'm not sure. She's dated a vampire and roughly fucked another, and she thinks I hang out with vampires too much? I don't even hang out with them, I fight them until I get a clear shot and then I stake them. She reaches up with one hand and cups my cheek and gently pushes my face away. What the hell?

"We can't right now, baby, Willow's coming over. She'll be here in like five minutes. I'm gonna talk to her about finding that spell." I try to make my eyes stay their normal size. I know we've been talking about having another baby, and we've been toying with the idea of a pregnant me but I don't think I'm ready yet. "Don't worry, I'm only asking her to find it. I'm not going to ask her to cast it until we're both absolutely ready for this. I would never pressure you into something like that." She leans in and places a small kiss on my lips. It quickly grows in passion and I'm kissing her neck again and Red chooses that moment to knock on the door. I growl and Buffy laughs as she gently pushes me off of her and leaves to answer the door. Sometimes I think Red lives only to annoy me.

BPOV

I let Willow in and we exchange hellos and then sit down on the couch. Matthew walks out of his bedroom and gives her a big hug. Faith and I haven't been talking about having a baby while Matthew is around because we don't want to get his hopes up. I tell him to go see what his mama is doing because me and 'aunt Willow' have some important grown up stuff we need to talk about. He hops off of the couch and goes in search for her. I hear Faith go into the training room and roll my eyes a little bit. She and Willow only tolerate each other, they don't get along, they don't hang out, they don't spend more then five minutes in the same room unless they have to. They just don't get along. It doesn't have anything to do with the bad stuff that happened in Sunnydale, it's simply a case of two personalities that don't mesh well. I would like Faith to be here for the conversation but I'm not going to force her.

"So, how are things with you and Kennedy?" I ask, I don't want to seem like the only reason we hang out is because of her magic. She gives me this funny look because she knows I didn't have her come all the way over here to talk about Kennedy. But she says that everything is fine. They still have some issues to work out but they're doing better and hopefully everything will go back to normal. Then she asks me what's up and why I'm acting a little nervous. I sigh a couple of times because I know that I shouldn't be getting my hopes up. I would love another baby but if she can't find the spell then we won't be able to have our own, there's always adoption or artificial insemination but it just wouldn't be the same. "Did you ever find that spell that was used to create Matthew?" She shakes her head no and then waits for me to speak. She can tell that I'm sort of struggling and I'm glad she's letting me think this out a little before asking me questions. I look down at my nails, suddenly they're very interesting. "Faith and I are thinking about having another baby." I look up at her shyly and she has this huge smile on her face. Why was I so worried that she would react badly to that?

"Buffy, that's great." She leans over and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and after a couple of seconds we pull away. "I was wondering when you two were going to have another. I mean, you guys are so great with Matt and he's doing great, adjusted and all that stuff. But Buffy, using that spell isn't the only way to have another. I don't mean to brag or anything, but ever since I did that 'calling the potentials' spell back in Sunnydale I can pretty much do whatever I want now. I couldn't figure out exactly what spell was used but I know what it did to change you. All I have to do is work a little magic and you're good to go. I can even set it so that the spell won't wear off until she is pregnant. I'll have to come up with some sort of signal, like I can turn her hair blue and it won't go back to normal until it works." We laugh and then I smile wide and hug her again. I wanna run off and tell Faith but she's with Matthew right now and I don't want him to ask a bunch of questions that I won't be able to answer. Better to hide the excitement then hint that something is going on. Just because Faith said she's willing to talk about it that doesn't mean she wants to do this. I really want to but I'm not going to pressure her into having a baby.

"So, have you two come to any decisions?" I don't really know how to answer that question. No we haven't really but we sort of have. We both want a baby we just don't know for sure if we want to have another. There are so many things to consider. I open my mouth to say something but then close it and get up off of the couch to answer the door after someone rings the doorbell. I'm not expecting anyone else to come over. Who could possibly be showing up at my house at one in the afternoon? I open the door and Matthew comes running out of the training room to see who's at the door. He stands by my legs as I look on in surprise and some shock. Why is she here? I'm not mad or anything just stunned. Why is she here?

"Well hello to you too. Mind if I come in?" Still in a bit of a daze I shake my head no and back away to make room. Matthew looks up at her and I can tell that she's going to be a big hit. Matthew is a big flirt with the ladies, Faith couldn't be prouder. It is cute to watch but sometimes it's annoying, that's why we leave him over at Willow and Kennedy's on Thursdays so we can get the grocery shopping done, otherwise we'd spend half the time trying to find him because he sneaks off when we're not paying attention. And he'll find some pretty woman and follow her around and talk to her. I hate that he doesn't have a fear of strangers. Everywhere we go I'm afraid he's going to sneak off and talk to the wrong person. And he's just so quiet when we go places and he has that slayer stealthiness, which makes it even harder to keep track of him. Anyway, I close the door and we walk into the living room. She exchanges hellos with Willow and then it's quiet for a couple of seconds.

"Hi Cordelia, how are you doing? And not to sound rude or anything but what are you doing here?" She looks at me like my question was just so offensive. She sits down on the couch and looks around a little bit. She's taking her time. Cordelia follows no schedule but her own. As much as I hate her for it because it's irritating, it's also something to admire. She doesn't let people push her around, never has, never will.

"What, I can't use my vacation time to catch up with old...acquaintances?" I shrug my shoulders, good enough answer for me. But why would she want to come here? She could have gone to Mexico or something for her vacation. She's always talking about wanting to travel to other countries and she comes up here to Shasta Lake instead. Something is seriously wrong with her. She sees Matthew standing at my legs hiding behind me a little. Ok more then a little. His body is behind mine and he's peeking his head out around my thigh. I look down and he has this little blush on his face. Oh yeah, Cordelia is going to be a big hit with him. He's already smitten, I won't be hearing anything out of his mouth but things about Cordelia for the next two days. She leans forward in her seat and holds out her hand. "You must be Matthew, I'm Cordelia, but you can call me Cordy, handsome." And she's pretending to flirt with him, this is going to be just so great. That's supposed to be sarcastic by the way. He just hides his face behind me. He's getting too tall to do this, his face is like right in my ass now. I step to the side so he's expose to her and she smiles wider.

"Matthew, don't be rude, say hello." He looks up at me like 'how could you just leave me here?' it's cute. He looks down at his feet and then he slowly reaches out and barely touches her hand. Then he pulls it back and stuffs it in his pocket. I can see him blushing profusely. If he's not careful a vessel might pop. I sit down on the smaller couch that's against the wall. Matthew hops up on the couch and sits next to Willow. I roll my eyes and lean back against the couch, getting comfortable. "So, Cordelia, we haven't talked to you in like, three years, and that was a business call. What's been going on in the life of the Queen C?" She glares at me for calling her that. I know she's changed, sort of. She's still blunt and a little rude, but she really does care about people and what happens to them.

"Not much actually. Work keeps me pretty busy what with all the apocalypses and demon attacks and stuff. I went to a Three Days Grace concert about a month ago. That was really fun. Met a guy there named Mike. We dated for a while, then he tried to cut out my heart to use it in some ritual to bring hell to earth so of course I had to dump him. Things got pretty crazy for a while at Wolfram and Hart when we had this big outbreak of insanity. Some pissed off client thought he'd get back at us for losing his case by poisoning the water coolers with some type of potion. Uh, it was horrible. But not much else is going on. What about you guys?" I look over at Willow and we look at each other with a questioning look. Not much has happened. Well, nothing out of the normal. We shrug and Willow starts to run her fingers through Matthew's hair. It's getting kind of long, we better get it cut.

"Nothing special. Matthew started school not too long ago." She smiles and looks over at him. He's blushing again, it's too cute. I really wish I had a camera. He hides in face in Willow's side and she wraps her arm around him and gives him a little squeeze. "Not much else is going on. Slaying is good, pretty quiet around here. There are vampires they just don't like to attack people a lot. It's weird. It's like they only feed when they have to and not when they want to. I don't know, maybe the hellmouth made them more violent? Who knows? Oh, I killed this huge demon that was making Faith crazy." Oh crap. Probably not something I should say in front of Matthew. He isn't paying attention though. He's too busy looking at Cordelia. Even at thirty...something, she still has all the boys looking at her. I look up when Faith comes out of the training room. She's in nothing more then a pair of shorts and a sports bra and she's all sweaty, a sight that has never failed to get me a little turned on. But we have guests, it's not like I can just jump her right there. She sits down next to me and our arms touch and I pull away a little and she looks at me funny. I reach over and wipe the sweat that got on my arm onto her shorts. "Faith, that's gross, go get a shower, get all that nasty sweat off of you." She can tell I'm only being half-serious.

"You didn't think it was nasty last night." I blush and look over at Willow and Cordelia. Willow's trying her best not to smile and Cordelia just rolls her eyes. At least she's not uncomfortable around us. I actually thought that she might have a bit of a problem with my sexuality because she's...ya know...Cordelia, but she doesn't seem to mind. I guess that's one of the very few good things about her, she looks passed race and your sexual orientation and makes fun of you for the person you really are. "So Queenie, what brings you all the way up from L.A.?" I can't help but notice the tone of voice that Faith is using, and I don't like it one bit. It's her 'you're looking nice today, what are you wearing under that top?' She's only supposed to use that voice on me. Cordelia seems to pick up on it because she shifts in her seat and stars eyeing Faith a little suspiciously. Faith just smiles at her. Hey! That's my 'I could eat you right here' smile! I'm gonna have to get Cordelia to leave because I really don't want to yell at Faith in front of her.

"I have tons of vacation time so I'd thought I'd come up and see the old gang. So Faith, how are you, good?" Faith just shrugs her shoulders. She can feel that I'm uncomfortable with her being so...friendly with Cordelia so she's acting like she doesn't care. "Well, that's great. Good to see you two are still the happy couple. At least you're not sickening like before." I roll my eyes and Willow laughs a little. I send her a little glare and she shuts up. I see Matthew slowly crawling into Willow's lap. If Cordelia stays long enough then soon he's going to place himself in between her and Willow. I think it's cute how he's being shy, he's never really like that. I think the only other person he's been shy with is the neighbor that moved in about a month ago. She looks a lot like Cordelia, except her skin isn't as tan.

We talk for a little while longer. Cordelia fills us in on all the gossip that she thinks we actually care about. Some of it is pretty funny, but the rest I'm sure she's saying because she likes to hear herself speak. Faith leaves after awhile. She whispered into my ear that she either had to leave or she was going to strangle Cordelia. I smile and give her a little kiss on the cheek. She gets up and picks up Matthew off of Willow's lap and then walks into the training room. It's then that things take on a very interesting twist. So, ok, more stunning then interesting, but I guess to you it's going to be interesting...maybe.

"So, how a far long is Faith?" I look at her a little weird. How far along is Faith with what? I look over at Willow with this look that says 'help, what is she talking about?' Cordelia looks at me then Willow, going back and forth a couple of times like she's watching a tennis match or something. I look over at her, and I'm about to ask her what the hell she's talking about but I don't have to. "Isn't she pregnant? I got a vision on the drive up here. I saw her in a delivery room, you at her side, she was cussing up a storm, words even I haven't heard. She gives birth to a healthy baby, then she passes out. The vision ended before they said the sex, but they did say it looked healthy. So I thought it was safe to assume that she's pregnant, I guess I was wrong." So, I guess we are going to have another baby after all. She sticks around for a few more minutes but then leaves because she wants to get back to her hotel room to rest. I walk her to the door and then sit down on the couch next to Willow.

"I guess Faith is going to agree to carry the baby after all," she says and I can't help but smile at the thought of a pregnant Faith. Us lying in bed together and me and stroking her growing belly. Feeling it kick for the first time and seeing the look on her face when it does. I think I'll even like hearing her complain about her sore breasts and upset stomach. I know she'll rant on and on about gaining weight. She's going to rant and bitch about not being able to patrol or do any vigorous training, and it's going to be cute, and then probably annoying. But I'm going to love all of it. "Well, I'll be off. I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about now." We hug and then she leaves.

I go into the kitchen and make lunch. Ok, so I don't really make anything so much as heating some stuff up in the microwave, but I will learn how to cook. Mark my words, one of these days I'll learn to cook. So the two loves of my life smell the food all the way in the training room and walk into the kitchen and act like they haven't eaten in days. Afterwards Faith gives Matthew a bath and then she takes a shower. We're being kind of lazy today because we don't really feel like going anywhere. We sit around and watch some television. Matthew goes into his bedroom and brings out some of the books that I bought him. He sits on the couch in between Faith and me and we take turns reading to him. He loves it when we read to him, especially when Faith does because she gets really enthusiastic and melodramatic about it. It's really fun to watch.

The rest of the day is pretty relaxing. We eat dinner, then go out to the backyard and toss the tennis ball around for Tucker. Matthew's starting to experiment a little with is strength. We have a large backyard so we don't have to worry about the ball going over the fence and breaking a neighbor's window or anything like that. He did put a dent in one of the boards to the fence though. Faith sits down on the steps and I sit down next to her. I rest my head on her shoulder and she wraps her arm around my lower back. We watch our boy as he runs around on the grass and the dog playfully chases after him. I start to gently kiss and nuzzle her neck. Usually we aren't this affectionate in front of Matthew, it's sort of rare that he sees us kiss and act all coupley and when he does he teases us about it, and I have no doubt in my mind that it's all Dawn's fault. I gently run the tip of my tongue along the little hickie that I left on her neck. She gives out a little moan and shudder. Unfortunately Matthew hears it too and he turns around and sees me sucking on Faith's neck.

"Eww. Tucker look, that's _gross_." He giggles and then starts to run around the backyard again. Maybe if we start ignoring him when he does that he'll stop teasing us? I don't know. It's getting dark now and the porch lights automatically come on. They have these cool motion sensors so if we're outside they'll stay on until we go back into the house. I nibble on Faith's earlobe a little bit and I feel her tense up. Since I'm not paying attention it takes a few seconds longer for me to feel it, but I do feel it nonetheless. I look up and scan the yard. Matthew and Faith are doing the same, even Tucker has tensed up and is looking around. He starts to bark and slowly steps towards the direction where the vampire is. Matthew starts to back up towards us and when he's close enough Faith and I grab onto him and pull him towards us. We push him behind us and then we stand up. Faith calls the dog back and then puts both Tucker and Matthew in the house. The vampire still hasn't made him or herself known but I know that it's either Angel or Spike. No one else would be stupid enough to come here. And then Angel walks out of the shadows. I hate how he hides like that. He walks up to us and we both relax. Faith is still a little tense but not as much.

"Just thought I'd let you know that Spike left town. I don't know where he went but it's nowhere near here. If he ever comes back and you don't want to deal with him just give me a call and I'll send a team up. I'm heading back to L.A. now, so I'll see you at the next apocalypse." I smile and he even cracks a small grin even though we both know that he's serious. If one year, just one could go by without an attempted apocalypse I'd probably be the happiest person in the world. Before we can say anything to him he's gone. I turn to Faith and give her a small kiss on the lips. She pulls back and smiles at me. I kiss her again very lightly and I don't let her deepen it when she tries. I start to tease her a little bit. I kiss her on the lips but whenever she tries to kiss me back I pull away.

"You little fox," she says with laughter in her voice. I laugh out loud as she puts her hands on the back of my head and then pulls me down into a searing kiss. We pull back and I step closer to her so our bodies are touching completely. "So, did Red have good news?" I smile really wide when I remember what Willow told me earlier today. She smiles too and I lean in and kiss her again. She cuts it short, I guess she would rather talk then kiss me, who knew? "So I take it she found the smell? We can have another?" I furrow my brows and roll my eyes back as if I'm thinking about it. She laughs a little because she knows I'm just joking around.

"She didn't exactly find the spell. She said that she knows what the spell changed in us so all she has to do is work a little magic herself and we're good to go. She said that she'll come with some sort of signal so we'll know when the spell works and then whatever changed inside us will go back to normal, except one of us will be pregnant." She smiles really wide and then pulls my lips to hers. Our tongues entwine together and her fingers are gently massaging my scalp. I could kiss her all night. We jump apart when we hear something smash against the kitchen floor. I roll my eyes and she laughs a little. We walk into the house hand in hand and as we're walking down the hall I see Matthew rushing from one end of the kitchen to the other. I step forward and see that he's trying to clean up something glass that had broken and smashed into twenty or so pieces. He sees us watching and he drops what he's holding and rushes passed us and runs towards his bedroom.

"Tucker did it!" he yells and then slams his bedroom door closed. I roll my eyes and start to clean up the glass. One of my brand new glasses, they were really expensive. I bought them because Christmas is going to be coming up pretty soon and I wanted to have some nice Christmas glasses for when we host our annual Christmas party. We invite the scoobies and the neighbors and so far no demons or vampires have attacked. It's always a really nice get together. It's where Xander met his wife. Am I good or what? I guess I'll have to lock up all of the nice glasses in a higher cupboard if I want to have any good Christmas glasses for the Christmas party.

I already have Faith's Christmas presents. I have them hidden over at Xander's house because she'll never think to look there. I got her this really cool gold cross necklace that has some diamonds on the tips of it. I also bought a new T.V. since ours is kind of small and she had to get rid of the big screen so we could remake her game room into a bedroom. She almost cried when the guy from the store came and picked it up. So I got her the necklace and the T.V., anything else? I can't remember...damn. I better go over to Xander's sometime really soon so I can look. We already Matthew some stuff. A bike because a boy should learn how to ride a bike, all kids should learn, not just boys. We got him some new army action figures because he's always losing them. And then the normal boy stuff, toy guns and stuff like that. Yep, this year Christmas should be pretty great, especially if Faith is pregnant.


	8. Christmas Bliss And Then A Blunder

**One Month Later.** BPOV

Faith and I are in the kitchen making a huge breakfast. Yes, I can make the basics. So far I've made a huge thing of scrambled eggs with little bits of ham mixed in. She's taking care of the bacon and toast and stuff because those I have a tendency to burn. Matthew is getting impatient, but I have to give him some credit. He woke us up at five in the morning to open presents but we told him that he has to wait for everyone else. We let him open up one thing, just something small. It's this Tonka truck that he can play with outside in the spring and summer. Winter's here are too cold for kids to play outside, and it rains a lot. It hardly ever rained in Sunnydale. I look over at Faith. She looks so cute right now. Her hair is a little messy, she's in a spaghetti strap shirt and her bikini underwear, both are black, and she's wearing a little Santa hat, and she's bobbing her head along with the music that's playing in the background.

We've been talking about the baby situation a little more over the last month. She really wants to have one, but we both agreed to wait a little while longer. She wants to wait until the craziness of the holidays is gone. I know what she's really doing though. Matthew's birthday is in July and she wants to try and time it just right so this baby will have a summer birthday. I roll my eyes at the thought of her doing that. And I thought I was weird. But the only way she'll get the summer birthday is if we conceive in September, October, or November and I really don't want to wait that long. If it were up to me we'd already have the second and we'd be working on the third. Ok, so I want three kids, is it that crazy? We're not that old. I'm in my early thirties she's two years younger, there are women who have kids when they're in their early forties. I don't know any but I know there are.

"Buffy," I hear her call out my name but I'm not really paying attention. I'm too busy thinking about the baby. What is it going to look like? Will it be a boy or a girl? I'm hoping for a girl. A little girl with dark brown hair and hazel eyes, and I hope she gets the dimples too. And we've learned our lesson with Matthew, so we'll be sure to start teaching her about all of the slayer stuff early on, that way she won't be so confused when she gets to be Matthew's age. "Buffy you're burning." What? No I'm not. Then I smell it. Oh shit! "You're burning the eggs." She sounds a little irritated. This happens every year it's practically tradition. She takes the skillet off of the stove and then takes the spatula from me. I get a little mad when she does that. It's not like she's too good to ask for it, just because she can cook without burning anything doesn't make her this master chef. She smiles at me, flashing me those dimples and all of my anger is gone. It's Christmas, you're not supposed to get mad on Christmas.

"It's alright, babe, everyone's used to it." I should be offended by that, but I'm not. She gives me a little kiss on my cheek and I smile. She looks towards the living room, we can't see it from the kitchen, 'cause ya know there's a wall there, but we can hear, and it's what she's not hearing that's starting to bother her. "It's gettin kinda quiet in there, why don't you go see what our boy is up to?" I roll my eyes at the thought of what that kid could be doing, none of them are good, and I lean in a place a little kiss on her lips. While our eyes are closed and her guard is down I reach up and steal the hat. She's gives me a playful smack on my butt as I walk away from her. I put the hat on and sort of shake my head. She'll pay for that later. Yes, she will pay, muahahaha. That was supposed to be one of those evil laughs, but it isn't very intimidating. I'll have to work on it later. Hmm, maybe I should do something else. I mean, everyone has an evil laugh, or tries to do an evil laugh. Maybe I want to be a little more original and try something-

"Matthew James Lehane!" He looks up from what he's doing and he has this fear in his eyes. Oh yeah, he knows he's in trouble. And what was he doing you may ask. Well, I'll tell you. Since he learned how to write and read his name this school year he went through all of the presents and picked out the ones that are for him and he's already opened about half. Jeez, who got him all the clothes? Certainly wasn't us. Probably Dawn, she's big on the whole fashion thing. He stands up and runs around the back of the couch in hopes of getting passed me. He forgets that I'm a slayer too and I'm faster then him. Before he can pass me I reach out and grab onto him. He struggles against me but I have a pretty good grip on him. I sit him down on the couch and hold onto his upper arms just in case he tries to run. He avoids eye contact at first but he quickly gives in. And now he's pouting. He's not getting out of this that easy. "I told you that you have to wait to open your presents. We always wait for everyone else to get here, and then we eat breakfast and after breakfast we open the gifts." He breaks our eye contact to look down at his lap. It's really hard to be mad at someone who's wearing Yogi and Booboo pajamas.

"I'm sorry Mommy. But I've been waitin forever and everyone else isn't gonna be here for a long, long time." I look over at the clock, it's six-thirty everyone usually shows up at around seven. I sigh a little. I remember what it's like to be a little kid and have to wait to open up the presents, but I can't let him think that it's ok. I let go of him and stand up. He just sits there though, doesn't even look up. I walk over and start to pick up the wrapping paper. Oh, he's a smart one he is. Instead of just ripping the paper open and making a lot of noise he gently peeled off the tape. With the idea in hand I walk into the kitchen and in the little drawer that has all of the miscellaneous stuff I pull out some scotch tape. I go back into the living room and re-tape all of the packages. There, good as new. No one has to know.

"Since it's Christmas I'll let this slide, but if you do that again next year you'll be sent to your room, got it?" he nods his head yes and smiles really wide. He's missing two of his front teeth. The adult tooth on the bottom is starting to grow in. It's been bothering him a little bit but he seems fine now. "Ok, now let's go help Mama in the kitchen and then we can have some apple cider." He gets really excited and he runs into the kitchen. Tucker is in there, begging for food like he always does. I make him get out of the kitchen, so he sits at the edge of the carpet where the living room meets the kitchen and dinning area, technically he's not in the kitchen so it's not like I can say anything. And it's raining outside a little so I'm not going to make him stay out there.

We finish making breakfast and when it gets close to seven we start to put it out on the table. There isn't room for everyone at the table but that's ok. We're very casual about it and since there's no wall separating the living room from the dinning area some of us will just sit on the couch and we'll all be able to talk. It's sort of like our little tradition. And Willow always sits on Kennedy's lap, her way of saving room so someone else can sit down at the table but I know it's really because she wants to be close to her honey on Christmas, which is perfectly ok.

Dawn and Kyle are going to be joining us this year. They've been dating for a little over three years and every year they go off to this cabin that his parents own, not far from here, about a two hour drive and it's right on the side of Mt. Shasta so they have a great view. I was a little jealous that he was taking my sister away from me on Christmas but I understand where he's coming from. For our first Christmas together Faith took me to a little island in the Caribbean. She used enough of the council's money to get the entire island to ourselves. It was nice, very relaxing. Even though it was so nice and great to be with just her, I missed all of my family so we agreed that Christmas would be a family thing and our birthdays would be just an us thing. I like it better that way. If our birthdays fall on a weekday then we wait for the weekend and we rent a cabin in the mountains. It's really nice. Ok, I need to pay attention to what's going on. I almost dropped a platter of bacon. I'm sure Tucker would really love that. Poor guy saw that I almost dropped it. Well, giving him one piece can't hurt, can it?

FPOV

That's right boys and girls it's Christmas time. Everyone is all with the cheer and joy, even me. I just can't help but smile. This is what Christmas is supposed to be like. I got the love of my life, our son, a fantastic house in a nice neighborhood, the friends and the family coming over a little later, plenty of presents under the nicely decorated tree. What more could I ask for? Even Dawnie and her man are coming over this year. For the last couple he's been taking her to this cabin up in the mountains. It's nice for the little lovebirds to be able to get away, but it bums Buffy out a little. So she's really excited this year. And one of the presents that I got her is really going to put a smile on her face. Well, hopefully. She could also get pissed off or something but I'm hopin for the best. She seems to be inna really good mood, I even saw her give some bacon to the dog and she's always naggin at me for doing that.

And now the others are startin to get here. Willow and Kennedy are always the first ones here. They have a couple of small gift bags, some last minute stuff. Last week everyone brought over the presents for us, that way they won't have to load the cars up and drive all the way over here and then have to unload them out of the car, this way it's easier. And we have the gifts for everyone over here since our house is the 'meeting ground'. I think next year we'll have it at Xander's. I like the hosting gig, but after doin it for six years in a row it'd be nice to not have to worry about fixin all the food and makin sure Buffy doesn't burn it too bad. Anyway, we take our turns huggin, I know it's a little weird but it's Christmas, the one day out of the year when it's almost required to hug the family and friends that you usually don't.

"There's coffee in the kitchen, you two look a little tired. Late night last night?" I ask and Red blushes about three different shades. Kennedy gives me this very self-satisfied grin and I give her a little wink before I walk down the hall and into the bedroom. I wait a few seconds just to make sure that Buffy hasn't followed me. Ok, all clear. I walk over to the closet and kneel down on my knees. I pull up the carpet at the corner of the closet where the floor meets the wall. Underneath there's this little hole that I made a couple weeks ago, I couldn't risk her finding this. I pull out the small black box and smile to myself. I open it up real quick and take a look at the small item inside. Simple yet elegant, she'll love it, mostly 'cause it was the one she was admiring when we walked by the store.

So I back into the little hideaway pull out the little chain. I put the ring on the chain and then stand up and pull down this medium sized Christmas box, ya know, the kind with the pull off top and the design on the outside looks like wrapping paper? Well, it's one of those. I pull off the lid and inside is a little black velvet teddy bear that I know she's going to love. I clip the chain around the bear's neck and then put the lid back on the box. I put the ring box back inside the hidey-hole and cover it back up with the carpet. I smile to myself for a job very well done and take the box out to the living room and put it under the tree near the back. I want it be one of the last one's that she opens. I answer the door when someone knocks on it and there stands Dawn, looking like a million bucks like always and her beau who looks like he wants a couple more hours' sleep. Gotta say I do relate. Mattie woke me up at five this morning, I thought I was going to freak out. But I stayed calm and went back to sleep and let Buffy deal with him. I love my boy but at five in the morning when you've gotten very little sleep love just isn't enough to get me out of a bed.

"So Faith, did the get the one we looked at?" she asks and I nod my head yes. She knows about the ring, she even went to look at it to make sure I was buying something worthy enough for Buffy's finger, which is why I asked her to go. And then she holds out her coat for me to take. I raise an eyebrow at her and she blushes a little. Like she should, I may be hosting this shindig but the coat rack is two feet away from her and I'm not a fucking maid. She puts her coat on the rack and then looks off to her left and glares. I look over, a little confused and see Kyle blushing a little bit. The girl caught her boy checking out my ass, I can't help but feel good inside. Even at twenty-eight I still got the boys drooling for me. I don't turn twenty-nine until January. I don't see why Buffy's freaking out about aging, doesn't seem that bad. Maybe I'll start freaking when I turn thirty, who knows? Hmm, maybe now that it's not just our family members and people who can control their eyes I should probably go put on some pajama bottoms. So as I'm walkin towards my bedroom I feel someone grab onto my upper arm and pull me into the bathroom. The door closes behind me and Buffy presses me up against it and starts to kiss my neck. See, I told you she was in a great mood.

"Mmm, as much as I want to, and you know I always wanna, but Brat and her guy are here, and she already had ta glare at him once for checkin me out, I wanna get the poor guy in trouble because you can't keep your voice down." She stops kissing me and pulls back and looks into my eyes. Oh great, what did I do in the two minutes of being in the room with her to piss her off. Sometimes there is just no keeping her happy. She shakes her head a little bit and then leans in and kisses my lips. When she pulls back she still doesn't look very happy. I have to ask, there's no way I cannot ask. "What's the matter, baby?" I gently rub her upper arms with the backs of my fingers. That usually gets her to talk down a little bit.

"I don't like him looking at you. I know he's a guy and they look, well, he's human so he looks, but I don't like other people looking at you." Awww, my girl's jealous. I lean in and place a searing kiss on her lips. She starts grinding against me a little bit. Wow, she really is in a great mood. A better mood then I originally thought. I wonder if she's had anything to eat that would boost her libido. I pull back a little and gently kiss her lips before breaking the contact completely.

"It's not his fault he was lookin. I am in my underwear, I was gonna go put on some pj bottoms, but someone stole me." She starts to kiss me again, a little deeper this time. She thinks that if she does this enough I'll give in and have a quickie here in the bathroom, but I'm not going to give in. We have company after all, can't be rude by doing something so grotesque. "Baby," I say around a kiss. I pull back and put my hands on her shoulders to prevent her from leaning in. "I promise when everyone leaves and Mattie passes out then we'll be together, but not now. Besides, I bought you a special gift and I'm sure you'll really want to after you see it." I smile and leave a small kiss on her lips before she lets me go, pouting a little bit because this year she isn't going to get her Christmas quickie. She knows better then to bother me about presents that I've boughten her. She knows I won't tell, I can keep a secret very well and she hates that about me.

So I slip into some black silk pajamas and walk back out into the living room where everyone is sitting. On the larger couch there's Kennedy with Willow on her lap and a very pregnant Katie and on the other end is Buffy. There's no room for me so I sit down on the arm of the couch next to her and she takes my hand into hers and starts drawing little circles with her thumb. On the smaller couch is Xander on the left, Mattie in the middle and then Kyle on the right. Dawn is sitting at his feet and he's rubbing her shoulders. I smile a little bit. And Buffy said she doesn't like him, that he isn't good enough for Dawn. The guy is sweet, and totally whipped. Anyone who can live with Dawn for two years and not commit suicide is good enough in my book.

So we gather around the table and everyone starts to fill their plates. The guys sit on the couch, including Mattie, so the girl's can have the table. Willow sits on Kennedy's lap, like always, and Dawn sits on the couch so she can sit next to Kyle. That just leaves Xander and Mattie on the smaller couch. Mattie is completely avoiding looking at Xander. What is up with that kid? Did something happen that I should know about? No, stop being paranoid. Xander would never do anything to hurt my boy. Because Xander is a good guy and would never hurt a kid and he knows that if he did and I found out I'd tear him limb from limb. Ok, it's Christmas enough with the morbid thinking. Mattie just doesn't like him. There are people in life that you're just not going to get along with no matter how hard you try and I guess to Mattie, Xander is one of those people.

BPOV

So now we're all enjoying the breakfast that Faith slaved over. Ha, yeah right. She loves to cook and hardly looks at it as a chore. I think that's one of the reasons why I can't cook, because she always does so I barely get the chance to practice at it. But one of these days I will learn how. I don't want to be completely dependent on her for my food. She might have to go out of town again for Giles and I want to be able to feed my kid and myself while she's gone. I sigh a little and take another bite of the yummy English muffin with jelly. It sucks that Giles can't make it this year. He couldn't make it last Christmas either. Apparently some of the little slayers don't have anywhere to go for Christmas so he wants to stay there at the facility to make sure that they're ok. It's a nice gesture I know, and he really does care for all of the girls, but…and I know this is going to sound completely selfish…but he was my watcher first!

Faith gives my knee a little squeeze. She knows that him not being here is bumming me out a little. One night a couple years ago when we stayed up late just talking, we don't always have sex ya know. Anyway, we were talking and she had me describe the perfect Christmas. I started to describe what I wanted, what I think would be the absolute perfect Christmas. Most of it sounded like I was describing Christmas morning in the movie 'A Christmas Story', ever seen it? It's a great film. Anyway, I told her that in order for it to be perfect there has to be lots and lots of snow, and all of the trees would be frozen and icicles would be hanging off of the branches. And we would gather around the Christmas tree and in the background through the window you can see snow lightly falling outside.

I told her that Giles and my mom would be sitting on the couch, watching as the 'children' dig through the presents and pass them around. We would all be there: Xander, Willow, Dawn, Faith, Matthew and me. Well, Kennedy, Katie and Dawn's boyfriend could be there too but this is my description of perfect so they don't have to be there. Anyway, I told her that the room would be really warm because of the roaring fire in the fireplace. And after all of the presents are opened and the adrenaline of ripping open the wrapping paper is gone we'd all sit around the room and cuddle with our significant others. In my version of perfect Giles and my mom are together. I may not want to know about their sex life, 'cause that's gross, but I do think that they are perfect for each other. And I already view him as a father so it's not like there would be any dominance issues. But that perfect Christmas will never happen, because my mom is gone and she's not coming back.

The one thing that I really didn't want to leave behind was my mother's engagement ring. It was a family heirloom, sort of. It was my great grandmother's, and then when my grandmother got married my great grandma gave it to her, and then when my mom got married my grandma gave it to her. My mom loved it so much. Even after she and my dad got divorced she would wear it sometimes, just to look at it. She kept it in a jewelry box that I wasn't allowed to touch, but when she was gone I'd sneak into her room and try it on just to see what it would look like on me. It looked really nice. The ring was beautiful, simple yet very elegant, a little big because my hands are a little smaller then my mom's. I couldn't wait for the day that I got engaged so she could pass it down to me.

She used to talk to me about that. She said that one day I would meet a man and fall completely head over heels in love and when the time came when we wanted to get married that this gentleman would ask for her permission to marry me, I always thought that was kind of funny, but now that I'm older I get the meaning behind it. Anyway, she would tell me that if she thought this boy was worthy then she would give him the ring to give to me. She told me that the usual tradition is that the oldest daughter gets the ring, but she didn't think that was very fair for Dawn. So she told me that she didn't want it to be a contest but whoever was going to get married first would get the ring. I always thought that it would be nice to have the ring for myself because it was so pretty, but now I want it because it meant so much to her. She was really looking forward to seeing me get married, and now I never will.

It's not just that I'm seeing Faith and that gay marriage is still illegal, but I can't get married without my mom being there. I just can't. I haven't talked to Faith about it because the issue has never come up between us. I don't know if Faith wants to get married, we're so close now that the wedding would just be a really expensive party. And I think she has issues with the subject. Kind of like when we're just dating and live-in girlfriends there's still that little tiny way out. That if things ever go horribly wrong then she or I could just up and leave. But if we're married we wouldn't be able to do that. She knows that marriage is a forever deal and I get the impression that if she were to ever get married she would stay with the same person for the rest of her life no matter what. I have that devotion now. I know that she would never leave me even if we don't have the rings. But I can't help but feel that a wedding would be nice, being a wife is something that I've always wanted to be, but I can't. Even if I do want to marry Faith and be her wife and pledge to be with her for the rest of our lives, I can't have a wedding because it wouldn't be right to have one without my mom.

So, now that everyone is done eating we're all putting our dishes in the sink. They can be left until later, possibly even tomorrow. This is a lazy day, chores are not supposed to be done. Matthew is almost bouncing he's just so excited. I think it's really cute to watch, mostly because Xander is acting the same way. I just hope that man calms down when his kid is born or else Katie is going to have her hands full. So, I sit down in front of this huge pile of presents, I can't help but notice that some of them have been moved around a little. I know that Matthew got into them earlier but I put them back. Someone else has been digging around. That's strange. Anyway, I sit Indian style, and Faith sits down next to me. Over by the entertainment center is Matthew, waiting a little impatiently. Kennedy and Willow are sitting a few feet away from me. Dawn and Kyle are on the smaller couch while Xander and his wife are on the larger one. Now it's time to pass out the presents.

For nearly twenty or more minutes the only sounds you can really hear are the sounds of paper being ripped open. Every time Matthew opens up a present he'll run over to Faith and me and show it off, we comment on it and then he'll go over and start to open up some more. I really like the gifts that I got this year. Not too many but with the lack of quantity I got quality. Lots of jewelry, a new pair of shoes really nice ones too, and a Lewis Vaton hand bag from Dawnie. Faith got me some really nice diamond earrings, this really cool wooden stake that she carved some designs in and they're filled with gold and silver. It looks really pretty. But I can tell that there's something bigger, maybe not bigger in size but bigger in meaning because she keeps giving me this look like 'just you wait, you're really gonna be surprised'.

Faith loves all of the things that I've gotten her. She got the biggest smile on her face when she saw the T.V. Gave me a big sloppy kiss in front of everyone and then opened up the box. She can't wait to set it up and then break the old one. When she opened up the necklace box she smiled and got this ooey gooey look in her eyes. She gave me a little kiss and said a thank you before opening up some of her other presents. Other then the necklace and the television I got her a brand new leather jacket because her old one is getting kind of ratty. She loves her jean jackets but she's always really wanted a nice leather jacket. I have a couple more presents for her but she has to wait until later to get them. She's definitely going to be getting a special Christmas present, that's for sure.

I look towards the back of the tree and I see one last present. Kennedy sees it too and reaches behind the large tree and grabs it. She reads the nametag and then hands it to me. The box is really pretty. You remember that scene from 'Lady and the Tramp' in the very beginning when it's snowing and the horse-drawn carriage is going down the street and there are all of those really nice houses just covered in snow? Well it looks sort of like that. Anyway, so I read the nametag myself and in Faith's handwriting it simply says: To: B, From: Me. I give her a little eye roll. I lift off the lid and set it aside making sure not to ruin the pretty light blue bow. I look inside and it's a little teddy bear. Aw, how sweet. I reach inside to pull it out and it feels really soft, like velvet. I set the box down on the ground and hold the bear with both of my hands. Around its neck is a little thin silver chain and dangling from the chain is ring. Not just any ring, but a diamond ring that looks almost exactly like my mother's engagement ring. Well, this was definitely a surprise, I'll give her that.

FPOV

She opens up the box and pulls out the bear. She has this little smile on her face after she feels how soft it is. She puts the box down next to her and holds the bear with both of her hands. It isn't very big and hands easily wrap around it. She tenses up when she sees the ring. She looks at it for a few seconds and I sneak a peek at the Brat. Dawnie is holding her breath a little, breathing really shallow and she's getting everyone attention. From their vantage point Xander and Katie can see what Buffy's staring at. I feel Xander nudge my back with his foot to get my attention. I look back and he smiles at me and gives me a thumb's up. I smile at him and then turn back to Buffy. She looks at the ring for a few more seconds and then looks up at me with tears in her eyes.

Now over the years I've figured out that there are many different types of tears, especially when it comes to the emotions of a girl. There good tears and bad tears. The good tears are the 'I'm so overwhelmed with joy and happiness that I can't help but cry'. Like after she had Mattie and she help him for the first time. Or when we got the house because there were like six other people that wanted it. But these are not those happy tears. These are the 'how could you do something like this' tears. The same type of tears that were in her eyes that night I came home drunk and accidentally cut Mattie with that piece of glass, and when we went through that rough patch and I would say some horrible things just to piss her off but she would get upset and cry for hours and I would feel like an asshole. That's how she's looking at me now. Like I just did something really horrible to her.

She jumps up off of the ground and quickly walks into the bedroom and quietly closes the door. She still has the bear with her, so that can be taken as a good sign right? Willow and Kennedy are looking at me strange because they didn't see the ring. Mattie gets up and starts to walk off towards the hallway but thankfully Kyle calls him back and distracts him for me. I said that I respected the guy, right? Well if I didn't then I'm saying it now. I put on a mask of happiness and everyone but Mattie knows that it's fake. I can't let him think that something is really wrong or else he'll start to stress out. He hates it when me and B fight and he'll just get upset if he knows that we're going to.

But that's just the thing, I don't know if we're going to fight because I don't know what's wrong with her. What was so bad that she had to run off in front of everyone? Did she not like the ring? Does she just not want to marry me? She can date me and fuck me but she really just has me stick around so she won't be a single mom, that's what is really going on. At least that's what I'm starting to think. So we've never really talked about the marriage thing. She's made comments here and there about how it would be nice to go on a honeymoon, but I think she just wants a vacation for a week or two away from all of the stresses of life. I thought that she'd want to get married. I know it isn't legal, but marriage is more then just a piece of paper and some guy saying 'I now pronounce you husband and wife'. I thought that we'd have a simple wedding and it would bring us closer together, ya know, spiritually and all of that other stuff.

So what am I supposed to think when she gives me that wounded look and then runs off? And now she's crying. No one else but us slayers can hear it. Kennedy is looking at me with a 'what the hell did you do?' sort of look. What did I do? That's one question I'd really like answered right about now. Willow goes to get up and I know that she is going to talk to Buffy but Dawn stops her. The littlest Summers gets off of the couch and walks into the hallway. After a minute or two of asking she finally just walks into the bedroom. Mattie is starting to get worried. I can tell that he wants to go back there so bad but he won't, at least not yet.

After about five minutes of waiting very impatiently Dawn finally walks back into the room. I give her this pleading look and she just shrugs her shoulders. Great, so Buffy wouldn't even talk with her own sister, I know she isn't going to talk to me. Then Dawn kind of motions with her head in the direction of the hallway. She wants me to go back there and talk with Buffy. I don't know if I can do that right now. I've been wounded here, my pride, my ego and my emotions are kind of bruised at the moment, but Dawn glares at me and I know I need to get in there or else Dawnie could be doing life or murder. I stand up and Mattie starts to follow me. Kyle tries to distract him but he's determined to find out what's going on with his mommy.

"Mattie, play with your toys ok? I'm going to go get mommy and then we have a surprise for you, alright?" He nods his head but he isn't happy about it. The surprise is the bike that we bought him. I walk towards the bedroom door very slowly. Tucker is sitting in front of the door, whining because he knows that Buffy's upset and he wants to help her. What can I say? He's a good dog. I push him out of my way with my knee and I open the door very slowly. He tries to push passed me but I push him back with my foot and he gets the idea. I slowly walk into the room and close the door. I'm staring at the ground because I'm afraid of what I'll see when I look up. She isn't crying anymore, sniffling every once in a while but her sobs have stopped. I slowly look up and she's sitting at the foot of the bed. The bear and chain are lying next to her and she's holding the ring with her thumbs and index fingers by the band and she's staring at the diamond. It's the one she liked, why is she so upset by it now?

I slowly walk up to her and I bend my knees to kneel in front of her but that's probably a bad idea. So instead I sit down next to her on the bed after I move the bear and chain over some more to make room for me. She doesn't look up at me or anything else that would acknowledge my presence. She just keeps staring at the diamond. The stone is an emerald cut resting onto top of a silver band. The diamond itself isn't very large, I don't' remember what the lady said at the store, she told me the exact size and shit, but oh well. It's the one that Buffy looked at the longest, the one that I knew she wanted to try on. I even got it fitted for her size because it was a little too big. We just sit there in silence, as she gently moves the band back and forth between her fingers, making the diamond shine a little brighter when the light hits it in certain spots.

"I can't." She says and I think my heart just stopped. I don't look over at her, I just keep looking at the ring. This thing that I thought would be such a good idea, that I thought she would be all for. God, I'm such an idiot. Why did I have to surprise her with this? We've never talked about marriage before, so no wonder she's so blindsided. I sigh a little and prepare myself to ask. The least I deserve is an explanation. "I just…I can't. It wouldn't be right." Because it's me. She can't marry something as disgusting as me. I'm nothing but a disgrace and I know that now. "It's not you, so please don't think that. It doesn't have to do with you. I love you no matter what." She sounds sincere and I know she means it but then what is the problem? "When I was younger my mom used to show me her engagement ring, it looked a lot like this, almost exactly like this." Dawn did say that it looked familiar.

"She just couldn't wait for the day someone would propose to me. She would tell me that when the relationship started to get serious she would pull the guy aside and tell him that the day he decided that he wanted to marry me he would have to ask for her blessing, and she told me that if she thought he was worthy then she'd give him her ring. It was in our family for like, three generations or something like that. We didn't bury her with it. She told me one day that if something where to ever happen to her that she wanted either me or Dawn to have it. She would always tell me that it didn't matter who was the oldest, it just mattered who fell in love first, who got married first and they would get the ring. And she said that it had to be real, that we couldn't be getting married as a competition with each other.

"We would talk for hours about what my wedding was going to be like and how Dawn would be the maid of honor and all of the bride's maids would be in really pretty blush colored satin dresses, and the bouquet would be small white roses tied together with a white satin bow. And after we moved to Sunnydale and I got so close with Giles and my dad skipped out on us we decided that if I ever did get married I'd ask him to give me away. She said that she would help me plan everything, and she would throw me a bridal shower and be there to calm me down if I got cold feet. She said that for the honeymoonI shouldpick a spot that would be nice and cool and that the hotel should have the best service so we don't have to get out of bed. I can't get married without her Faith, I just can't. I love you with all my heart but I can't have a wedding without my mom, it wouldn't be the same without her." She's crying again and I wrap my arm around her timidly. I don't know if she wants to be touched right now or not. She leans into me and I tighten my grip on her. "I miss her so much Faith. I want her back...I want my mom."

She starts sobbing really loudly and I wrap both of my arms around her and pull her into a comforting hug. Her entire body is shaking and I hate that there's nothing I can do to calm her down. I remember something that Joyce told me, and I think that Buffy should hear it, but she's crying a little too loudly. I wait for her to calm down. I have no idea how long it took, could be minutes or hours, I have no clue. She pulls back and I gently reach out and wipe away her tears with my thumbs and then softly caress her cheek. With my other hand I gently take the ring from her and I look down at it for a few seconds before I look into her eyes.

"Remember that one Christmas eve after Angel came back and the First tried to get him to off himself?" She nods her head yes and that seems to depress her a little more but I need to tell her this. "You remember how I came over and then you had to leave?" She nods her head again and I can see the questions in her eyes. I'd probably be really confused too. "Well your mom and I had some time to kill so we started talking. I don't know how but we started talking about the ring. She told me that you loved it so much and that you both couldn't wait for you to find someone to love who would one day marry you. She got a little sad after that and told me how that living in Sunnydale isn't a guarantee to living a long life. She said that you'd be devastated if she died, especially before your wedding day. She told me that she just wants you to be happy. That even if she isn't there she wants you to have your special day.

"She told me that as long as the people that love you and care for you approve of the guy." I can't help but smile a little at that, she does too. "That's askin for your hand then he's good enough for her.And sheasked Dawn to make sure not to let you marry a guy that she would hate. So if I'm Dawnie approved then we're good to go." We laugh a little at that. She doesn't say anything as she looks down at the ring. I can see that she's still so confused. I lean forward and give her a little kiss on the forehead. "I'll give you some time to think. Mattie's getting worried, Kennedy's doing all she can to hold him back." She smiles and listens for it and we can hear the sounds of Kennedy quietly arguing with Mattie and trying to keep him in the living room. I give her one last kiss and put the ring in my pocket as I walk out the door.

I walk out to the living room and they're all giving me worried looks but I smile to reassure them, even if I'm not sure that this is going to work out in my favor. I have my issues with marriage as well. To me it's a forever deal, no messing around. Once you say those vows that's it. I know I'm making it sound more like a death sentence then a great thing and I don't mean to, but that's the way I feel. Once you find someone that you love so much that you want to join together on a deeper level, you can't back down from that. Sure people may have their reasons, they lose interest or the spouse cheats, stuff like that, but I know that I'll do everything I can to make her the happiest person alive that she won't ever think of doing anything like that. We've made it seven years together, we have a family, a nice house, there's only one thing left to do and then we'll be the happiest people ever.

I sit at the kitchen table and watch everyone else, all of the happy couples. I know I'm just depressing myself but I can't help it. Buffy has a good reason, she wants to honor her mom and she feels like getting married without her there would be one of the biggest dishonors ever. I understand that, but I know what her mom said to me, Dawn was there too so she'll know that I'm not making it up to manipulate her to marry me. I would never do that to her. Dawn sees that I'm looking a little down and she walks over to me and sits down in the chair to my right. She sits closer then she normally would and I really hope she isn't going to pull one of her 'I'm a scary bitch, hurt my sister and you're dead'. I really don't think I could handle that right now.

"I remember what my mom told me that Christmas eve you spent with us. I was going to tell Buffy when I went in there but she was crying too hard to listen to anything I would have to say." I know that Buffy will believe Dawn. Brat would never lie like that, not when it's concerning her mom. Neither of them would ever do something like that. So it looks like the decision is really up to Dawn. I hope she doesn't hate me for being a little mean to her. Not really mean, just sarcastic like I am with everyone. "She's not going to find someone better then you. You have you Matthew, you gave her a family, that's one of the best things anyone could do. I love you like a sister and I think that my mom would want you to be the one to marry her. You tell anyone that I said the words 'I love you' to you and I'll gut you like a fish."

Aw, I knew there would be a scary part in there somewhere. But I ignore that because I have this feeling of...honor, like I am worth something after all. I reach over and give her a little hug but after a few seconds she shrugs me off and then tells the group that I just got a little emotional. I roll my eyes, she thinks she has this big image she needs to keep up or something. Then she walks off towards the bedroom to have 'the talk' with Buffy, and I can't help but feel like my fate is in her hands. I don't like that feeling. I sit here for a couple more minutes before I see Mattie really giving Kennedy a struggle. I get up and walk over to him. I pick him up and hug him against me. He whispers into my ear that he wants to go make sure that Mommy is ok because I did something to make her sad. I feel a little stab to the gut when he says that.

"I didn't make her sad." Not really, it wasn't all me, it's just ya know issues? Ok, I upset her, I'm willing to admit to you. But I can't let my boy think that. "Mommy just isn't feeling good, but she's getting better. I'll you see her in a little bit, ok?" He nods his head but he's still worried about her. "Now, I think I promised you a surprise." I put him down and walk him over to the door that leads out to the garage. I open it up and then walk down the cold steps. Why didn't I put on shoes first? I pull the sheet off of the shiny blue bike and then carry it into the house. I set it down on the ground and he gets really excited. I climbs up on top of it and starts pushing at the pedals with his bare feet. It has training wheels, don't worry. As long as he doesn't run into anything he'll be fine. Oh shit, I jinxed it. He makes a sharp turn and the front wheel knocks the little end table over. I try my best to catch it but my slayer reflexes are not their best right now, and the lamp crashes to the floor. Great, I can't do anything right today, can I?


	9. Decisions, A Spell And An Unclear Dream

**The Same Day.** FPOV

Dawn's been in the bedroom for a couple of hours now. I'm starting to get a little nervous. Xander and Katie left about half an hour ago. She needs to try and stay off of her feet. Her due date is coming up pretty soon. Xander offered to take Mattie with them in case me and Buffy need to talk, which is Xander code for 'just in case you two get into a screaming match'. I told him that it's fine, that we're not going to fight. I feel sort of bad because it wasn't a whole truth. I don't know if we're going to fight or not. I might say something wrong and then I could be living at Xander's again. I really hated living at Xander's. But I have to risk it. I have to try and work this out because it's Buffy, ya know? But I just can't help this feeling that I'm having, this paralyzing fear mixed with dread.

"Mama," Mattie says in a whiney tone and holds his arms up. This happens every year. He gets over stimulated with everything that's going on and he wears himself out. I reach down and pick him up. He rests his head on my shoulder, his entire body is pressed up against mine. It would hurt a little if I weren't so used to it. That's another thing, if we have a baby, if I get pregnant, then I won't be able to hold him like this anymore because my boobs will be too sore and my stomach will get too big. That's if Buffy still wants to have a baby. She might be completely rethinking this whole 'being together with me' thing right now. I gently rub Mattie's back and I don't get up off of the couch until I feel his grip on me loosen and his breathing become a little more relaxed. I put him in his bed and cover him up. I'm curious to what's going on in the bedroom….maybe listening in a little won't hurt anything. I'll just keep in mind that she could be in the middle of a sentence or something so if I hear anything horrible I'll just ignore it until she gets a chance to explain it to me.

"I do love her Dawnie, more then I've ever loved anything. But my wedding was such a big deal for Mom. She really wanted to be there, and I don't think I can do this without her. It just wouldn't be right. I don't know, Dawn. I'm so confused. Faith, please, stop eavesdropping!" Damn, sometimes I really do hate the slayer connection thing we got goin on. But oh well. I shouldn't be listening in, that's disrespectful. But I'm only human, curiosity gets the best of us.

"Sorry." And I am. I'm sorry for everything. If I knew she was going to react like this I never would have proposed. Or maybe I would have. Maybe she just needs to think about it, and she wouldn't have thought about it unless I brought it up. Ok, I just gave myself a headache with that sentence. Time to go relax a little. I sit down on the big couch. Kyle and Willow are sitting on the smaller couch talking about computers and other junk that I don't know about. Kennedy sits down next to me, one glass of wine in each hand. She hands one to me and I take a sip. What? Don't look at me like that. The exceptions to the no drinking rule are: Christmas, my and Buffy's birthdays, our anniversary, and I think that's it. At Christmas I only have one glass of wine. I don't really like the stuff, except for the kind I buy, I can't remember the name now, but it's better then this shit. I always have white wine, this shit looks purple.

"So, how are you doing? I mean, I know Buffy's upset and all and I am worried so don't be thinking that I'm not, but you gotten be holding in something by the way she reacted. That must've hurt like a bitch." And it did. Have you ever gotten that feeling of your heart being ripped out and then shoved down a rusty garbage disposal? Well that's what it felt like. When I saw that look on her face…I felt like I died inside a little. That sounds really cheesey but it's true.

"It hurts. It sucks that I didn't know she feels like that. I understand the reaction completely but I think she handled it bad. She just got up and left in front of everyone. I don't know. I feel like an ass." She tires to tell me that it's not my fault, that I didn't know she was going to react like that, and I didn't know her views on marriage or anything like that. Which I didn't, but still, I can't help but feel like it is my fault. I'm not really paying attention to what she's saying. I sip down the rest of the wine and then set the glass on the coffee table. We really need to get that thing out of here. It's ugly for one, and it takes up too much room. At what the hell is the point of a coffee table if you're not allowed to put your feet up on it?

I sigh and run my hand through my hair. God, it's getting really long, I need to get it cut. Buffy's is getting long too. Not as long as mine, hers reaches the bottom of her shoulder blades. I like long hair though. I love just running my fingers through it and giving it a good tug. She likes it when I do that. We'll be cuddling on the couch, yes I cuddle so what? Anyway, we'll be cuddling on the couch and I'll be runnin my fingers in her hair and then I'll gently tug on the hair that's at the back of her head, at that little spot where it dips in where the brain stem is. She loves it when I do that.

I'm too caught up in what Red's sayin, something about going on a trip in the summer, camping and hiking and all that stuff. Apparently Kennedy's been watin to go but little Red here is afraid of the forest animals. I shrug my shoulders a little. Kennedy's a slayer, she takes out demons and vamps on a weekly basis, takin out a bear or mountain lion should be no problem if one were gonna attack them. Then she looks over at the clock and announces that they need ta get goin. Apparently Ken here got Red a little dog for Christmas, a Maltese, whatever the hell that is. Willow's description of it word for word was: 'she's so tiny and cute and her little nose kinda wiggles when she sniffs you and she has the cutest collar and her tail kind of curls up and she barked and I thought I was gonna die.' And what did she name this little thing? Gypsy. Yeah, I kind of had that same 'what the hell?' reaction. But whatever. The way she talks about it the dog sounds like one of those little ankle biters.

So they take off and then it's just me and Kyle. I don't really know what to say to the guy, we don't know each other very well. I have respect for him, if I haven't mentioned that, but we've never really talked. Dawn tends to take over the conversation in any room she's in. We sit in an uncomfortable silence and this is going to kill me. I can't take all of the shit that's happened today and then have to entertain some boy. What do I say? How should I act? Ok Faith, just calm down. I'm sure he'll start talking soon, he looks a little uncomfortable too. Ok, screw this, I need a cigarette. I get up and slightly smile at him as I stand. I walk down the hall and out the backdoor. Tucker follows me out. Poor guy probably has to go bad. I sit down on the very cold plastic chair and I regret no bringing a jacket but I'm not going back in there. I light my clove and watch the smoke float out into the air and then slowly disappear. I inhale slowly and hold it in for a few seconds. God, I really needed this. I exhale really slow and watch the smoke float through the air, swirling around in the wind and then becoming nothing. Hmm, I wonder where the smoke goes when it clears like that. I mean, it has to go somewhere it can't just disappear.

I'm about to inhale again when someone takes the cigarette out of my hand and then tosses it onto the wet grass. I'm about the protest but then Buffy is sitting on my lap and kissing me deeply. It takes a couple of seconds for me to get over the surprise and then I start to kiss her back. I swirl my tongue around hers and then slowly bring mine back into my mouth, she chases after it and then I suck on the tip of hers. When I finish she does this little swirl roll thing on the roof of my mouth that always drives me insane. She better be careful or I might take her right here on the back porch. Wouldn't be the first time but we had the entire house to ourselves, I don't think Dawn would like it if her guy saw me fucking her sister. I'm sure I'd be out of her good graces. I finally pull back when I can't hold my breath anymore. There's a little trail of spit from my mouth to hers and she smiles shyly and wipes it away. She always thinks its really gross when that happens. And it is but I love the way she blushes when it happens.

"I'm sorry that took so long, and I'm sorry I acted like that. I shouldn't have run off like that. I can't even imagine what that must've felt like. But I talked with Dawn about it and she told me what my mom said to her. We'll never know for sure if this is what my mom would want, but Dawn explained and helped me see that even though it matters what my mom would think, I can't let that haunt me, because I'll never know. And I have to be able to make my own decision. And Dawn said that she 'approves of you', so we have her blessing. And I mean, we've been together for seven years now, eight in March. And we don't have to get married right away, I mean we can wait a while, can't we?" I smile wide and nod my head yes. She kisses me on the lips and then pulls back before I have time to react. Oh, she'll pay for that later. "So, if you still want to, then I still want to. But we still have so much to talk about. I mean, we were warming up to the idea of another baby. Do you wanna wait to have another until after we're married? Because I don't know when I'm going to be ready to have a wedding. And it's not like we have to be married to have one, I mean, look at Matthew. He's the best accident to ever happen." Hmm, that is a lot to talk about. But she said yes though. She wants to get married, even if it isn't for a couple of years, but it's going to happen.

"Baby, then wedding, then honeymoon." I wiggle my eyebrows and she smiles wide. I lift her up off of my lap with one hand and then reach into my pocket with the other and pull out the ring. She looks at it for a few seconds, studying it really close like she was in the bedroom. She holds up her left hand and I smiles really wide. I take her hand with my free one and kiss the knuckle of her ring finger. I gently slide the ring onto her finger, the metal is cold and she shivers a little bit at the feel but she doesn't protest. There, it's all the way up and a perfect fit, just like I knew it would be. I bring her hand up to my lips and kiss the ring a little and then her knuckle. She smiles and giggles a little bit. Yep, seven years together and she still giggles. I think it's cute though. We slowly kiss again, she leans into my body a little more and I groan. I want her now but we have to wait. Hmm, maybe Dawn is willing to take Mattie with her for a few hours? Naw, I wouldn't do that to her. She and her boy are probably going to go home and 'be close'.

"Not to ruin this perfect moment or anything." She pulls back and as soon as our lips are apart she starts talking. I love her, I really, really do, but sometimes a little less talking would be nice. But she likes to talk, a lot. "I know that you said you wanna wait until all of the craziness of the holidays goes away to try and have a baby...so like...when is that, exactly?" I think about it and that it a good question. The truth is I'm scared. I don't think I've ever been more terrified...yeah I have. When Mattie was first born I had no idea what to do. I'd never been around little kids before. I was constantly afraid that I was gonna do something wrong. And if I get pregnant that means I'll be like a million times bitchier then Buffy ever was. Sure she had the normal pregnant woman hormones, but I'm going to have that, be pissed off because I can't slay or spar, and I have to give up smoking and if I go too long without having a cigarette I am not a person you wanna be around. It's not only that but what if something goes wrong? What if Willow's spell goes wrong and instead of giving birth to a baby I give birth to a demon or something? Or what if I have a miscarriage or the baby is born too early and has a bunch of health problems? There are just too many what ifs and I don't know if I can handle them all or not.

"Um, well, ah." She knows I'm stalling. "How 'bout after my birthday? That way we'll get to celebrate like we normally do. And if I get pregnant around the first of February then it'll be born around..." Give me a minute I have to count. Shut up. "Umm, November, I think. Maybe we should wait that way we can plan it just right and have a summer birthday. 'Cause nothin sucks more then it being cold and rainy on your birthday. Well, maybe some other stuff...I'm sure you have the worst track record when it comes to birthdays." I smile and she playfully smacks my arms. She knows that it's something else. I can see the look in her eyes, this concerned and all-knowing look. I hate that look. I look away but she gently uses her thumb and index finger to pull my head back so she's lookin into my eyes. I hate it when she does that.

"Faith, if you need to talk about it then please tell me. I know you're scared. Having a baby is a scary thing. The constant worry, and second-guessing yourself on every decision that you make...But at the end of the day it's one of the best things you'll ever do." She stops and furrows her eyebrows in that cute way she does when she thinks. God, I've done way too soft. "No, I take that back." What? "Having a baby isn't one of the best things you'll ever do...it is the best thing you'll ever do. Trust me on that." She smiles and I nod my head a little. I do trust her, but it isn't going to take away these feelings. But I'm going to ignore them now because I proposed and Buffy said yes, this is a time for celebration! I stand up and carry her bridal style into the house, she's laughing a lightly kicking her feet as I walk down the hall. I set her down on the counter and grab the bottle of wine that Kennedy forgot to take with her. I open up the cupboard and pull out two of the fancy Christmas glasses that she bought. I pour us a little, not a lot, just enough for a mouth full. I set the bottle down then hand her a glass and then pick mine up and hold it out in the air.

"I'm not good at this so don't laugh." I warn her and she smiles. "To us, and our long and happy future together, filled with a wedding and another baby and hopefully a new dishwasher, but not all in that order." She laughs a little bit at the dishwasher part. We really do need a new one though. Anyway, we click our glasses together and then down the stuff. God, this shit is gross. Next Christmas I'm buying the wine. She makes a disgusted face as she swallows hers. I laugh and then set my glass down and so does she. I walk up to her, she spreads her legs so I can stand closer to her. I slowly kiss her lips and then she deepens it. She pulls away a little bit and then the little minx starts to tease again. She'll press her lips against mine and when I try to kiss her back she'll pull just out of reach. I put my hand at the back of her neck and kiss her deeply. She just starts to suck on the tip of my tongue when we hear coughing behind us. I roll my eyes even though they're closed. We get enough from one, now we're getting it from the other? We pull apart even though we don't want to and look over and see Dawn, looking grossed out and coughing, just like she taught Mattie. One of these days I'll get her back for that.

"Ya know Dawn, it's a little hard to be grossed out by it when you do it with Kyle." Buffy says and I smile a little bit. Can't argue with that logic. Dawn just rolls her eyes and then crosses her arms over her chest. Kyle walks up behind her and spoons her from behind. She smiles really wide and rests her arms over his. It's a nice picture to see. I hope those two work out. I think Dawn would look really pretty in a long white wedding dress. Wow, that thought was really close to going to a very bad place. I think I need to take a shower or something. Wine, more wine, that'll help. I pour myself half a glass and do the same for Buffy. I hand it to her and she takes it and slightly sips at it before putting it down. "So, are you two taking off?" Dawn nods her head and Buffy smiles a small kind of sad smile.

"We're going to stop by Natalie's and give them their gifts. So I'll talk to you later, and congratulations." She smiles and walks forward out of Kyle's arms. I move out of the way and Dawn gives Buffy a really big hug. Buffy gives Dawn a little sisterly kiss on the cheek and then runs her fingers through the short shoulder length hair. Right, explanation might be good. Natalie is Kyle's older sister who Dawn hates and she hates Dawn. For some reason this chick just doesn't think that Dawnie is good enough for her little brother. Meanwhile she was dating this guy for a few years and after she gave birth to their third kid he ran off because he couldn't handle the stress. What a prince huh? Apparently she's been a bitter person ever since, but I don't really blame her. I'd probably be pissed off too. Then she does a surprising thing. She reaches over and pulls me into a big hug. I hug her back and look over her shoulder. Buffy is trying not to laugh at the surprised look on my face. She gives a little 'aww' and Dawn giggles a little. Then she puts her lips right to my ear so that only I can hear what she's saying. "I'm glad you finally proposed. I was starting to think you two would never get married. But just remember, you hurt my sister, especially after getting her hopes up like this, and I will make you pay. Just remember that karma comes back in threefold." Just one visit, just one little visit from Dawn without her saying something threatening to me, is that too much to ask for?

BPOV

Oh my God, Faith proposed! But you already knew that. But still, she proposed! She never did say the words 'will you marry me', but it's so clear after all the talk that she wants to get married. I'm so excited. After I had that talk with Dawn, it was mostly me crying and remembering all of the good times with our mom. Anyway, after she gave me the sisterly pep talk, she said that I'm never going to find anyone better then Faith, and for me to not marry the 'father' of my son because our mother isn't here to see it is crazy. She said that she knows our mom would love Faith especially now that she's not all crazy. Apparently when our mom started thinking about the whole 'people usually die young in Sunnydale' thing, she made Dawn promise that if she were to die before my wedding then Dawn would have to be the one to approve of my groom. And she does, so we're good. And I just love this ring. I can't stop looking at it.

Faith got one too, it's a little smaller then mine but it looks great on her. She bought it herself, she got the one that matched mine the closest, and Christmas night we were sitting on the couch and watching the Christmas tree because all of the lights were really pretty and stuff. We were cuddling and every couple of minutes she would kiss me on the side of the head. It was nice. And then I did what I do best, and I started talking. I asked her if she had gotten a ring for herself or if I would get to buy one for her. She got up, and I grumbled out it trust me there was lots of grumbles. And she went into the bedroom and brought out a little black box. She handed it to me and sat down on the couch again. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her lap so that she was spooning me from behind. I opened up the box and smiled when I saw the ring. It looked like it was made just for her. It's hard to explain. I took it out of the box and slipped it onto her finger. I turned a little in her arms so that I could kiss her. When the kiss ended I rested my head against her shoulder and we fell asleep like that.

Matthew woke us up the next morning. He asked about the rings and we told them what they really are. He was a little confused by the term 'engagement' but we told him that two people get engaged and when they're ready they get married. He got so excited about that. He started going on and on about how he's going to hold the wedding rings and walk down the isle, and he's going to eat more cake then anyone else at the wedding and he's going to sit next to Kyle and he's going to dance with aunt Dawn. He talked for so long and so fast that his voice went horse and it took two days for it to get better. He's bound and determined that he's going to wear a tux, and even though I already told him that he's going to he still asks me about a million times a day. I'm hoping that soon he'll stop talking about it. It's cute and all and I'm glad that he's so excited, although I don't really know why, but it gets a little annoying when you're trying to do housework and get the bills paid. And he keeps asking when it's going to happen, and I don't know. I keep telling him that I don't know but he won't take that for an answer. He's a weird one, takes after Faith.

I don't know how long we're going to wait. I've already run a few ideas passed Faith. She says that she wants to help with all of the planning but she wants it to be special for me. In other words she's willing to look through books and magazines and go to the shops but she's not going to give me her actual opinion she's just going to agree with me on almost everything. I say almost because she almost started shouting when I suggested that she wear a dress along with me. She says that she's going to wear a tux and that's the only thing that she really wants to do, the rest is up to me. I kind of already know what I want. I'm going to go with most of the plans that I made with my mom because they are good. The bride's maids will be in blush satin dresses. My dress with be white with blush colored satin, the bouquet is going to be white roses, my hair will be put back so there's like a little bun and then some of the length will hang down. It will take place in a church. I don't care how many favors I have to call in or how many people I have to threaten with my slayer strength, but I will have a church wedding. That's all I got so far. The rest is a big mystery. Like the date. I'm not sure if I want a spring or a summer wedding and that's going to bother the hell out of me. Oh well, I'll leave those plans for later because right now I have a party to get to.

That's right, it is New Year's Eve and we are all meeting at this new club in town. Faith is already there. I don't know how, and I really don't want to know, but she knows three of the band members so she's going to help set up and stuff like that. The rest of the scoobies and their honey's, plus Dawn and Kyle, some of Dawn's friends and Kyle's friends are going to show up. That a like most of the people from town, well the younger ones at least. It's not an all age club like the Bronze was. Nope, this is a twenty-one or over only. Sometimes being an adult pays off.

I got a baby-sitter to watch Matthew. Our neighbor's daughter, she's seventeen, really quiet, doesn't go out a whole lot. I've talked to her a few times when I was doing some gardening in the front yard and she was in her front yard. She's really nice and wants to be a pre-school teacher, bless her heart, so I thought I'd ask her to watch Matthew, watching him for a couple of hours is about the same as watching a group of little kids, only they're not as fast. Poor girl doesn't know what she's getting herself into. I just hope she doesn't get hurt or see our training room.

I pull up in front of the club and park my car. The party is going to be starting soon. Faith wanted me to come a little early so that I can meet the band and all of that other stuff. So I get out of the car and show the bouncer my id. He questions me at first until I mention that I'm supposed to be meeting Faith Lehane. He gets a little scared after that and lets me in immediately. Should I question her on it or be happier not knowing? I think I'll go with being happier...for now. I walk down the stairs that lead to the club and I see her, up on stage setting up the drums. She's wearing some tight dark blue jeans and a black tank top and her boots of course. I hate those boots. Anyway, the way she's bending over to pick something up off of the ground gives me a perfect view of her ass and I'm letting my eyes get their fill. After seven years together you'd think we'd be able to control ourselves a little more, or at least not be as horny for each other, but nope. We've calmed down a little...ok a lot, but we're still pretty bad.

I lean up against the wall and continue to watch her, but things go from good to really bad in about five seconds. Some guy, I'm assuming is part of the band, walks passed her towards a guitar case but as he passes her he slaps her on the butt. Nothing hard or anything and he says something to her as she does it, and she fucking laughs! She doesn't get mad or tell him 'hands off, I gotta fiancé' or anything! I take in a deep breath to try and calm myself down. I turn my head to the side to pop my neck bones because they're feeling a little tense. This guy honestly thinks he can just do that and get away with it? Not on my watch. Time for me to go in and claim what's mine. I walk over to the stage and jump up using the good ol' slayer power. She hears me and feels me coming and she stands up and turns around. She has this worried look in her eyes, like she's afraid I saw the guy touch her. And now that she's seen the look in my eyes she's afraid of what I'm going to do since I saw it.

"Hi honey-bunny," I say and smile oh so sweetly, I can almost taste the sugar on my tongue. What better way to embarrass her in front of her friends then call her an embarrassing pet name? Hehe, I am evil. Looks like I lost that bet. I wrap my arms around her waist and give her a lingering kiss on the lips. I can hear the guy get the others' attention and I can almost hear their jaws drop. I kiss her one last time before I pull away and turn so that we're facing them. One of my arms is around her lower back and I'm pressed up against her. I can almost feel her blushing and I want so badly to laugh right now but I can't. If I do then they'll probably think I'm crazy.

"Hey B," she says and I can tell that she wants to run away. Aw, I really did embarrass her. Good, that's what she gets for letting other people touch her in places that are only for me. It's not like I go all willy-nilly and let guys grope me. Ok, so it was just a little friendly smack on the ass, sometimes Willow gives them to me and me to her, and Dawn too. But those are girls who have no sexual interest in me, this is a guy and Faith is still very attractive to almost everyone, not just me. "Guys, this is my fiancé, Buffy. Buffy this is Mike, Steven, Carol, and Joey." Oh, so it was Joey that touched her. Hmm, I'll have to keep my eyes on him. I wave at all of them and they wave at me and say their hellos. Then she turns to me. "And there's one more member, but that's a surprise. He won't be here for another ten minutes or so." Huh? Oh well, I guess I'll just wait until he gets here.

Oh my God, I probably couldn't be any more bored if I were sitting in an empty room. They're doing their band practice now and that other guy still hasn't shown up. The bass player, I think. Mike is the drummer, Joey is the lead singer, Steven is the lead guitarist, and Carol is the second guitarist and the backup singer. I'm not too sure what the exact terms are but whatever. The bass player isn't here so they don't sound very good right now. I'm sure they'll get better once he arrives. Faith is trying her best to play and even though she has a little experience she sucks big time. But I'm being a good fiancé and smiling and bobbing my head along with the beat and trying my best to act like I'm into it although I think I'm going to start crying I'm so bored. And then my slayer sense go off, thank God! But it isn't a vampire, it's a demon. This is really weird this feels almost like when-

"Oh my God!" I yell when I see him walk down the steps and turn the corner. Oz! Oz is back! Why is he here? I thought he was off in Tibet or whatever, being all with his inner cool and not turning in a werewolf? I jump up off of the stool and rush towards him. I see him brace himself, as he should. I throw my arms around him in a big hug. I hear the band stop and but their instruments down. I hear them start to walk towards us and I let Oz go and take a step back. "When did you get back? What are you doing here? Have you seen Willow yet? Are you looking for her? She's going to freak when she sees you. But in a good way. Did you even know we were living here or are you just passing through?" He furrows his eyebrows just a little tiny bit and I can tell he's trying to keep up with my question.

"Baby, breathe, you're turning colors." I smile and take a deep breath and take Faith by the hand. "Dog boy, it's good to see ya." I roll my eyes but I can't help but smile. He says his little hello to her and then he turns back to me. He looks down at our joined hands and then up at me and he raises one of his eyebrows. Boy he sure is expressive today. I wonder if Willow knows that he's here. I really wanna know that because if she doesn't then I want to be the one to tell her. Or show her, if he's going to be sticking around. He must be the missing bass player. Good, he's so much better then Faith.

"To answer the questions that I did understand." He pauses and I blush a little bit. "We're here on our California tour. I've been staying in New York. We got in last night, and Willow does not know that I'm back. Is she coming here tonight?" Those are probably the most amount of words I've heard him say in one sitting. Hmm, he has changed. We walk over to the stage and sit down. Faith wraps an arm around my lower back when she sees Mike checking me out. Aw, now who's the jealous one?

"Yeah, her and her girlfriend Kennedy are coming for the big party. I don't think Xander is going to be able to make it. His wife is pregnant and very close to the due date and she's cranky. Dawn and her boyfriend are coming, and they're bringing some friends. From the sounds of it it's going to be pretty packed tonight. And now that you're here and Faith isn't playing I'm sure you will get standing ovations and not tomatoes thrown at you." I laugh and she gives me a playful smack on the arm. "I'm sorry, baby, but you were really bad." I give her a little kiss on the cheek and then turn back to Oz. His face is expressionless, like always. He looks the same, surprisingly, only his hair is black again. We talk for a little while, until they have to practice. I explained to him about the battle and how we lost Anya, I also told him a little about Kennedy, and even though I can tell he still loves Willow, he's moved on. Faith and I wait in the back behind the stage until the place starts to fill up. We don't want to look pathetic by being the first ones here.

I'm dancing with Faith now. Her arms are wrapped around me as we grind against together to the beat of the song. Gotta say these guys are way better then the Dingoes. The beats are fast and hard and I love just being able to basically dry hump Faith in public and get away with it. We've drawn a crowd of boys just like we used to do back in Sunnydale. Ha, I'm still young enough to draw a crowd. I turn around in her embrace and she continues to grind her hips against my ass. But then I accidentally step on her foot and stumble forward a little bit, I don't know how but I do, and the guy in front of me thinks that I'm coming onto him. He starts dancing with me, and grabs onto my hips. I'm about to back up and tell him that I'm taken when I'm pushed back a little bit and Faith is right in this guy's face, pushing him back by the shoulders and yelling at him. The music is too loud for me to hear what she's saying but there's a lot of cussing I can by how angry she is. I force myself in between her and this poor guy. I tell him sorry and then back Faith up a little bit and start dancing with her again, but she's not into it. I grab her by the hand and drag her up to the bar. We order two cocktails, come on it's New Year's after all, and I try to get her to calm down.

"Faith, it was a mistake. I fell forward and he thought I wanted to dance with him. I was going to turn him down but you were in his face too quickly before I could." The bartender brings us our drinks and I toss a ten dollar bill onto the bar and watch as Faith downs the drink in one gulp. I do the same and try not to cough at the burning from the vodka. I give her a quick kiss on the lips and tell her I'll be right back. I rush over to our table and grab a cigarette and her lighter out of her jacket and walk back over to the bar. I grab her by the hand and drag her outside. I hand her the clove cigarette and the lighter and she gives me this thankful look.

"I don't care if it was a mistake, he didn't have to put his fucking hands all over you. You're wearing the fucking ring so everyone knows that you're taken." I look down at my hand and at my beautiful ring. I don't like how she put that sentence at all. It's like she thinks I'm some piece of meat and this ring just tells everyone else that it's already been claimed. I didn't get all huffy and puffy when Joey smacked her ass, I was calm about it and dealt with it in an embarrassing for her way, but I didn't yell at him and threaten to kick his ass, like I know she did to that guy.

"So it's ok for Joey to touch you, but not for some guy to touch me, is that it? I'm just little prissy Buffy, hands off everyone because badass all-that Faith will come in and rip off your fingers if you touch her." I cannot believe we're arguing in the parking lot of a club called Sharp. This is so not how this night was supposed to go at all. She gets a little angry at my words but she stays calm, which is something that she isn't too good at. She takes another drag of the cigarette and quickly blows the smoke out.

"Joey was just saying that if my pants were any tighter then my wallet would rip through the pocket and then he smacked the wallet. That guy in there was grabbing your hips and bumping against you like he was hard for you or something. Joey doesn't want to fuck me, or if he does he knows that he can't because I'm yours. But that asshole in there was dancing like he was about to ask you to leave with him, and that's why I'm pissed off. What was I supposed to do, just stand there and let him ask? I know you would have turned him down, I'm not doubtin your loyalty to me, so don't take it that way, but I just hate the thought of someone askin to take you home so they can fuck you. I'm sorry that I get jealous, but I do." She takes the last drag of the cigarette and then throws the butt across the street. I calm down and take a couple of deep breaths. I'm not going to argue. I'm going to end this. She gets possessive that's just a part of who she is and I can't get angry at that. Annoyed yes, but angry no.

"Alright, I'm sorry. I didn't know the whole story so I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions with the Joey thing. But next time someone dances with me like that give me a chance to say something to them and if they keep bothering me then you can come in and show them who's boss, ok?" I step closer to her and wrap my arms around her neck and give her a little kiss on the lips. It's really cold out here tonight and our nipples are pretty hard. I make sure to brush my chest up against hers so she can feel what the cold is doing to my body. She wraps her arms around my waist and deepens the kiss. Mmm, I love the taste of cloves, it took me a while, but I've grown to love it. "Why don't we go back inside and show those little twenty-two year olds how to really dance." She gets this wide grin on her face and we go back into the little club hand in hand. I just pray that we don't bump into that guy again.

After a little while the music has stopped and the overhead lights are on. It's really bright, well, brighter then a club normally is. Everyone is standing close to their dates, including me. I'm not letting her out of my arms for another second. I love being wrapped around her like this, it just feels so nice, and safe and warm. And having her so close like this is doing all sorts of naughty things to my body and I just wanna drag her off to a dark corner and have a quickie. But I don't know if she'll be up to it. What am I saying? Of course she'll be up to it, she always wants to screw around in public places. She says that the danger of getting caught is just so thrilling and makes it that much better. I look around the room real quick and I see the perfect spot. A large pillar over towards the corner of the room. If we stand on the side facing the wall nobody will be able to see us unless they hear something and walk around the back. But I'm going to wait because we're starting the countdown now.

"Ten!" I yell along with everyone else. I look into her eyes and she's smiling. She looks so happy and I can tell that the same look is in my eyes too because she perks up a little more. "Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!" She wraps her arms a little tighter around me so that our lips are only and inch or two away from each other. I can feel her breath on my skin and it's driving me insane. "Five." I'm not yelling and neither is she but we can hear each other and that's the important thing. We're getting lost in each other's eyes, I just hope we remember to kiss when the lights go out. "Four. Three. Two. One." And then everything goes black for about five or so seconds because we have this really neat thing called slayer night vision, and when it's completely dark and there are no lights on at all it kicks in so we can see a little bit, but it has to be completely dark.

We kiss each other, a nice long tongue filled kiss. She seems to get the message that I really don't want to stop with just a kiss. The strobe and colored lights come back on and the band starts playing again and everyone goes back to dancing. I start to drag her over to the corner but Willow catches my eye and she's waving us over to the table where they have drinks. I can't just say no or she'll know that we're going to do something naughty and it'll defeat the entire purpose of having sex in public. Oh well, I guess we can always having it when we get home. Lori, the baby-sitter, is watching Matthew over at her house. I know it's just right next to our house but we aren't sure what time we're going to get home so we just had Matthew go over to her house where he's going to spend the night. He really likes her and her parents are home so I'm not worried. And even though it was supposed to be a Christmas present I still haven't shown Faith what other little thing I bought her and I know she's just going to love it.

FPOV

So after we got home after that wicked party at Sharp, stupid name I know, but it's a pretty good club. Anyway, after we got home the little fox says that she has a surprise for me. And this is after we're already half nude and groping each other on the bed. My mind is just a little hazy from the couple of drinks that I've had tonight. This whole not drinking for a really long time has turned me into a lightweight. Ok, back on track here. She reaches under the bed and pulls out this black box. I sit up to see what it is and she slowly lifts up the lid. Now I've been hinting about the whole 'using toys' thing, but I never thought that she'd actually give in to it. She says that toys take the romance out of it or something like that. Well there's nothing romantic about fucking in the bushes or in a bathroom stall at a McDonald's is there? So I finally got what I wanted. She said that it was supposed to be a Christmas present but because I proposed she didn't want to ruin that by experimenting on the night of the proposal.

So now that it's the new year she thinks that it would be the perfect time to start experimenting just a little bit. She says that for now this is going to be the only thing, and I have no problem with that. And what did the little minx buy you're probably wondering? A leather harness with an attachable eight-inch fake cock. She wasn't too sure what size to get so the lady at the counter told her that this is an average size. I would go there and argue with her but I had other things on my mind at the moment. I slipped into the harness, I've done this before a couple of times, but she'll never know that. I'll never tell her about my past fucks because I don't want her to feel like I want them more then her, like our sex life is boring and I'm thinking about going out and finding someone with a closet full of toys and whips and chains because I'm not. I want her and her only, this whole strap on thing is just a bonus.

I was slow and gentle with her because her body isn't used to this type of intrusion, it's just used to my fingers and mouth. Things were fine in the beginning. I was gentle and soft with her like I always am. But she was looking passed me. She wasn't looking into my eyes, she was looking at the ceiling and I could almost see the wheels in her head turning. Then things got a little bad. Ok not a little, they turned pretty bad emotionally for her. She started to cry so I stopped what I was doing. She told me to get it out of her, that she couldn't do this. I did like she wanted me to and I took off the harness and dropped it to the ground and then started to hold her. When I asked her what happened she said that even though she knew it was me and the cock was fake but it still reminded her of Angel, and Riley and Spike and she doesn't want to think of them while she's with me. After a little reassurance and some loving kisses I coaxed her into the harness and let her use it on me. I haven't had one in so long that it was a little strange, I'll admit, but it was nice. I like Buffy better but I'm sure once she gets used to using the thing and gets her confidence up she'll be wicked with that.

But here we are now, sitting in Willow's living room waiting for her to get back from the kitchen. I don't know why I'm so nervous about this. From what Red and B said this isn't going to hurt or anything. But I can't help but be nervous. We celebrated our birthdays since we both have January birthdays, we went to a little cabin up in the woods for a weekend and we only got out of bed to use the bathroom and get some water. We didn't eat anything but each other for two whole days. I smile as I remember how loud she screamed, how much she moaned. The sex is so much better when you don't have to worry about being quiet. We should go away more often, or at least have Willow watch Mattie more. Ok, I'm not going to be that kind of parent that just pawns of their kid on other people just to have unrestrained, loud, wild sex. Ok, gotta stop that kinda thinking because Buffy can sense that I'm getting a little worked up and she's looking at me funny now. Thank God Red's coming back with the drinks. She hands me the soda can and I open it and start to chug it, my throat is dry for some reason.

"So, you two have finally decided to have another baby. Oh God, I can't wait to see what it's going to look like. With it's little toes, and little fingers, and little nose and the way they kind of snort when they breath until they figure out how to breath right and how when you gently rub their little cheeks they'll move their head to try and get your finger." Wow, and I thought Buffy was a girly girl. Maybe it's Willow who needs to have a baby and not us. Ok, we want another baby, Red and Ken just gotta work somethin out because I'm a little sick to my stomach after hearin all of that girliness. Good thing this place has more of Kennedy's decorating so there are some darker colors instead of everything being girly. Then I see the little dog, if you can call it that, walk out of the bedroom and jump up on Willow's lap. It's small and white and fuzzy and has a little pink bow holding up the hair on top of its head. Gypsy, just the name brings a really girly taste to my mouth, sugar with bubble gum and something else that's really sweet but I can't quite put my finger on.

"Yeah, we're finally ready to try. Now, Will, this spell it's full proof right? I mean, we're not going to give birth." We? We? We are not giving birth to anything. I am giving birth to Buffy's child. Aw, just the thought makes me feel all tingly. But just the thought of the pain, just that little taste of pain that I got when she was squeezing out Mattie...like doing the splits over a crate of dynamite. And that was just a little taste. We are not giving birth to anything. I am going to die from an overdose of pain medication. Ok, I'll pay attention because she's still talking. "To like demon or something?" She laughed a little bit, but that's actually one of my greater fears. I don't want to give birth to something that shouldn't exist.

"Completely. I mean there are the normal risks with any pregnancy, you'll have to eat right and stop smoking or else it could come out deformed or something. But what the spell does is it changes Faith's uterus and your...juices." I chuckle at the blush and I hear Kennedy laugh in the other room. "Her body will be more willing to take in the genes of another, and your juices will be different, not exactly like a guy's, but you'll be able to create life, your DNA will swim up into Faith fertilize an egg, just like normal, except that your both women. I don't know what you guys did when you had Mattie, ya know, position wise, and don't tell me please, but you'll just have to do that only opposite, ya know, 'cause it's Faith who's going to be carrying the little baby." Again Kennedy laughs. I'm going to go into that office and kick her ass. "You just have to make sure to get your juices into her." Ok, I'd really like her to stop talking like I'm not in the room. But this is embarrassing for her so I'll let it slide.

"But how will we know if it worked or not?" Buffy asks and I pay attention a little more. I heard a joke about my hair being blue and I didn't find it very funny. I put the soda can down on the coffee table and then I see Red glarin at me. That's weird, what the hell did I do? Then I follow her eyes to the soda and see that it's not on a coaster. You've got to be fucking kidding me. God, I'm so fucking whipped and not just by Buffy. Nope, but Red, not just as bad as I am with B. I pick up the soda can and smile at her a little and then put it down on the coaster. She relaxes and then starts to pet that little dog. Why would someone want a dog that small? I'll never understand it. I mean, you can cuddle with a big dog, and they kind of keep ya warm, but little dogs? All they do is bark and run around being all small and annoying. Ankle biters, that's all they are. Oh God, I can by the way Buffy's lookin at it that she wants one. Look out Tucker, you might be gettin a little pest to bother you.

"Well, I was thinking one of two things would be easier. I could either change Faith's tattoo color from black to...I don't know just some other color, and when you're pregnant it'll go back to normal." Change my tattoo color? She means this tattoo that I worked really hard to get because the guy doin it knew that I was underage? Ha, I'd like to see her try. I guess she knows that I'm not open to that idea, and I'm judgin that off of her nervous look. "Or I could create a small tattoo somewhere where only you would see." I smile and give her a little wink and she blushes about three different shades. "Like on your stomach or I could put it on your back and Buffy'll let you know when it goes away. 'Cause it won't go away until your pregnant. And I don't mean you'll have to wait a week or two like with the store bought pregnancy tests, I mean it'll go away the instant the ovum becomes a zygote." Huh? What in the what? Technical terms and me don't really get along. I may have taken a health class in eighth grade but I wasn't really paying attention too much.

"Um, yeah, that sounds good. Uh, ok." I nod my head a couple of times and Buffy can tell that I'm a little confused so she rubs the back of my hand with her thumb in that reassuring way. "So, what will the tattoo look like?" I can't help but want to know that. It's going to be on my body after all. And it took me like four days to decide what the tattoo I have now would look like. Red smiles at me in that little way she does when she's up to no good. I pick up the soda and take a little sip, but that turns into a gulp and soon I'm chugging at it again because I'm so damn nervous.

"I was thinking a little pink heart." What! The liquid gets caught when my throat decides to close. I start to couch and the soda that was still in my mouth goes flying out in front of me, spraying Willow and the little dog. She jumps up screaming, I hear Kennedy laughing really hard in the background and then the crash when she falls over in her chair she's laughing so hard at the thought of me with a pink heart shaped tattoo. Buffy starts to pat my back. I can't breathe. Dammit Red, I wanted you to help me make a new life not take mine! I'm finally able to breath again and I have tears in my eyes I was deprived of oxygen for that long. Willow walks out of the bathroom, the little dog in one hand a washcloth in the other and she's trying to get the soda off of the white and now brown speckled dog. I have to bite the insides of my cheeks not to laugh.

"Ok, so it won't be pink or a heart...Wait. I have the perfect idea." I don't like that Cruella De Vil look that she's giving me. I can't help but get the feeling like she's going to bash me on the head, skin me and then wear me as a coat. Hmm, I'd make one sexy coat. Anyway, she has me stand up and walk into her bedroom. Buffy was at our heels and she had me stand in front of the large floor length mirror. She had me take off my shirt and Kennedy came into the room to make sure that her girl wasn't eyeing me up too much. Either that or she just wanted to check me out too. Nope, by her glare she's making sure that Willow doesn't get too frisky. I really hope she doesn't have to touch any...private places with this spell, 'cause I haven't trimmed a certain area in a couple of days and it's gettin a little unruly down there.

But it's nothing like that. All she's doin is putting her hand over my stomach, her palm over my bellybutton and it kind of tickles a little bit. I look down and this white lights starts to glow out of her hand and it feels like my body is absorbing it or something. Great, I'm not only a slayer, far from a normal girl and now I'm more absorbent then the leading brand. Ha, I am one silly bitch. Anyway, I start to feel really fuckin weird after she's done with her little mojo trick. Kind of like if I don't have something inside of me, Buffy's tongue is the first thing on my mind, I just might fucking die. And on my stomach, well my ribs I guess, right below my right breast is a tattoo of a little heart with a stake through it, like the one I drew when Buffy was takin that test and I got her to skip it to go slay. Ah, the good old days. Anyway, I put my shirt back on because they're all starting to look at me weird because my skin is turning red because I'm getting so worked up just standing here. Willow puts her hand over Buffy's abdomen and I watch her a little closer. Buffy's mine and as soon as we get home I'm gonna prove it. Whatever Red did to her must be worst then what she did to me 'cause she's havin a hard time standing she's so fucking horny.

"Kennedy, will you walk with them to their house and bring Matt back here? They're going to need some alone grown up time and I don't think it would be right to just leave him there to listen to it because not even Giles has the funds to pay for that therapy bill." I would laugh because I know she's right but I can't. I'm too busy looking at Buffy, smelling her wetness, wanting nothing more but to lick her right now. Oh, and just to let you know, we're not bad parents, we have the neighbor girl watching him while we're here. Hmm, she is watching him and we never said when we'd be back, we just said in a couple hours. We weren't sure how long the spell would take. I look over at Willow and Kennedy's bed. Nicely made, dark blue comforter with matching pillowcases, I think the sheet is a lighter blue, but I'm not sure. And it's a queen sized, plenty of room to move around. Buffy follows my gaze and then we look into each other's eyes. Her darken a little more at just the thought of what she knows I'm about to do.

"Out now!" I yell and grab Buffy by the waist. She doesn't fight against me, doesn't say a word as I claim her lips with mine. I throw her onto the bed and jump on top of her. I can hear Willow and Kennedy yelling at us but if they don't get out of this room and soon then they're about to get a show because I'm not stopping now, and I know that Buffy can't either. They finally leave after I tear off Buffy's shirt and throw it across the room. My mouth finds hers and the kiss is almost violent it's filled with so much need and desire. This is pure animal want, nothing loving or gentle about it. She rips off my pants and instantly dives in. She slides her hand into my panties and enters me with two fingers. I moan out and arch my back more into her. I feel my breasts press up against hers through the cloth of her bra and my shirt and bra. This isn't enough though. I need to feel all of her, and right now before I go insane. I rip off her bra and then her pants. I guess we're going to be borrowing Ken and Red's clothes because when I say the word rip I don't just mean that we're taking the clothes off quickly, I mean we're literally tearing the fabric off of our bodies and then just tossing it to the floor.

I rip off her panties and then mine. I grab onto her wrist and take her fingers out of me. I spread her legs and press my clit up against hers. We both moan out at the feeling and I instantly start a fast and hard rhythm. I can feel our wetness mixing together, becoming one essence as we rock against each other. She claws my back and I cry out at the pain mixed with pleasure. She's never done that before. Maybe it's because we're so worked up, I don't know. I feel her reach down between our bodies, her fingers become coated with our 'juices', as Willow put it, and then she enters me again. I hiss out a breath and start to pump my hips harder, if it's possible. I open my eyes, when the hell did they close? Anyway, I look down at her and I can see in her eyes that she's so desperate for some kinda release. I can't really do anything my mind is so damn fuzzy and my limbs aren't working very well right now, I can barely hold myself up. I do move my hips around a little, manipulating her hand so that her knuckles will rub against her clit when she pulls out to thrust back in me.

"Oh God, B." I whisper into her ear. I give it a little kiss and she shudders. "I'm so close, just one more. I'm about ready to pop, Buffy. Just one more, please, please." It's rare that I beg but I really need it and I know that she gets off on it, sort of. She does as I ask and inserts a third finger inside of me. I moan loudly and ride her harder. Less then a minute later I'm screaming out and coming for all I'm worth. I collapse down on top of her and just seeming me come throws her over the edge too. I'm shaking and quivering and I can feel the emotions inside of me start to do nasty things to my body. The tears just start coming out, I can't even finish enjoying my orgasm before I turn into a total girl. I feel her wrap her arms around me but she's still too spent to get a good hold on me. I wrap my arms tightly around her and bury my face in neck. I hate it when I get like this. When she's able to move again she softly stroke my sweat-matted hair.

"I hope we're not like that the entire time. I mean, until the spell wears off. 'Cause the people at the grocery store already look at us weird, I don't think they'll want to watch us have sex right in the middle of the store. Well, at least not all of them." I smile at the comment. She's right, if Red fixed it so that we're like this the entire time…I don't think we'll be leaving this bed. But then I remember that we're in Willow and Kennedy's bed. Eww. I cannot believe we lost control like that. We just kicked them out of their own…who cares? I sure as hell don't. Not when Buffy is starting to rub my back in that soft way that I love. "We better go. I'm sure Willow wants to get in here and clean as soon as she can." I laugh a little and then sit up. She starts toying with my hair, twirling it in her fingers and lightly tugging on it. Oh great, looks like we won't be leaving after all.

"B, we don't have any clothes." She sits up and looks around the room. She frowns when she sees the torn clothes just lying there. Then she looks over at me and gently rubs the spot below my right breast. I can feel her outlining the tattoo that Willow put on me. It's still there, I can feel it. Either we didn't make one this time or it just takes a while for Buffy's juices to swim up me. Ha, Red is somethin else when she's nervous. There's a little knock on the door and then it opens and Kennedy's arm can be seen through the small opening. She drops a pile of clothes on the floor and then closes it without saying anything. Well, guess that solves the problem about the clothes. "Come on, let's get outta here." I give her a little kiss and get up off of the bed. I can feel her eyes on me as I get dressed, but that's nothing new. We can't seem to keep our eyes off of each other. Never have been able to.

I hear her move around a little and I hand her her clothes. She takes them but she has this far off look in her eyes. The corner of her mouth curls up into a little crooked smile. I wonder what she's thinking about. I sit down on the bed and put my socks and shoes back on. I don't even remember taking them off. Buffy still has one of her socks on, well it's half on most of it is hanging off of her foot. I smile a little bit at the sight. After I'm fully dressed I go over to the large mirror and fix my hair up a little. I'm not even going to try and salvage the make-up. I wipe off the lipstick smudges and then turn around a look at Buffy. She's still zoning out a little, only her expression is a little darker. I snap my fingers a couple of times to get her attention and she looks into my eyes. I give her a questioning gaze and she looks down at her legs, avoiding my eyes. That's never good.

"I was just thinking about our very first kiss." Aw, that. Why is she thinking about that now? I shake my head a little bit and sit down on the foot of the bed. She doesn't move, she just sits there staring at her naked thighs. Where did those bruises come from? I guess we got a little rougher then I thought. "Afterwards I remember feeling so...high. Like I had taken some type of drug. It was incredible." I shake my head again, why is she thinking about all of this now? The way she's making it sound and the way I'm acting you're probably wondering what the fuck? But you don't understand the circumstances. Our very first kiss wasn't at her doorstep of that apartment, it was back in Sunnydale when we were still teenagers. "I just wish that things hadn't been so insane at the time. Maybe it would have worked out better." Yeah, maybe.

I remember that night perfectly well myself. I got dressed up and everything, nice dress, I put my hair up, did my make-up a little different, wore heels for God sakes. She had told me about that Scott guy and how he dumped her right before the fuckin dance, and then I see him with some tramp. So I took care of that. All of it I did for her. But she doesn't show. Turns out some vamp set up this 'slayer fest' or some shit like that. And because it wasn't her fault I wasn't mad that she didn't get there on time and that when she did show she looked like hell. I remember watching her leave, she looked so...tired and disappointed because she didn't win homecoming.

So I followed her out. She was sitting in the quad, on a stone bench. I walked up to her and sat down next to her. Some of her hair had fallen loose so I brushed it behind her ear. She looked up at me, some tears glistening her eyes. I knew that look, it was one of those 'I almost died tonight and it's all because I'm a slayer'. I couldn't stand to see her like that. All of that emotion that only I understood...I couldn't take it. I wanted to make her feel better, I needed to. I leaned in and gently brushed my lips up against hers. She kissed me back and for a few seconds I knew I was in heaven. But then she pulled away, and apologized because we couldn't be together because not only is she not gay but she's with Angel. I think that's when things started to go a little sour between us. I kept trying to show her how fun she could have with me, instead of always being around broody Angel, but it didn't work, I almost got her killed a couple times. And then everything with the mayor happened and here we are today. But that doesn't sound so bad. The here we are part, I mean.

"I think all of that shit was supposed to happen." She looks up at me, surprised. I don't really believe in destiny or anything like that. I think a person controls what they're going to do. All of these years of being a slayer and I still don't really believe in it. Well, it's sort of hard to explain. I don't think that every little thing happens for a reason, but the big things, the murder, siding with the mayor, and all of that I think it was supposed to happen. Because if we didn't go through that stuff then we wouldn't be here today. "It was only after all of the shit that I put you through that you realized you loved me. So if I hadn't done all those things you might still be with Angel, or Beef Stick. And I know what you mean about the kiss, it was pretty amazing." I smile at her and she smiles back. I lean in and just when our lips are about to touch Willow interrupts.

"You two better now be having sex again! Get dressed and go back to your place. I may have set the spell a little too strong but now that you got most of it out of your system you should be fine!" Sometimes I think Red exists only to annoy me.

BPOV

We're finally doing this. God it feels so good. We really needed to do this. I was going to go crazy if we didn't. All of the hassle...it was just getting to be way too much. Ask Faith, she'll tell you how pissed off I would get. I'd slam stuff around and cuss. Oh yeah, it got pretty bad. But now things are going to be so much better. And it's really pretty too. Matches the kitchen perfectly, and it's really quiet. Not like the old one that was loud and hardly ever worked. Finally I can do a load of dishes without having to take them out and then hand wash them to get off all of the spots. A new dishwasher, why didn't we do this sooner?

I walk back into the living room after loading the brand new dishwasher and sit down on the couch. Faith wraps her arms around me and Matthew rests his head in my lap as we all settle in to watch some T.V. See, this is how a Friday night should be. I love this, I really do. Just cuddling with my family, propping my feet up on the coffee table and watching some nice entertainment. I have no idea what it is but I don't care, I'm not really paying attention to it anyway. I'm too busy nuzzling Faith's neck to pay attention to anything else. I give her neck a little kiss before I finally just rest my head on her shoulder. She shifts in her seat a little. Aw, I made her a little mad. She wants me to keep showering her with attention. She's been getting plenty of it though.

In the mornings she takes Mattie to school while I clean up a little around the house. I try to get as much housework done while she's gone because as soon as she gets back we jump back into bed and ravish each other. I pay extra attention to her even though I get pretty worked up. We've been trying but that tattoo is still there. I thought it was kind of cute at first but now it's just mocking me. We both want to have a baby so bad, why can't we? I know we're both women so normally it would be impossible to have our own, but we have magic on our side. Not just any magic, but the magic of a demigoddess. Why isn't it working? Is her body just that stubborn? Willow said that her body is supposed to be more opened to taking in someone else's DNA and she changed something in me so that I can fertilize one of Faith's eggs as gross as that sounds. I can't help but feel like I've gotten my hopes up and now it isn't going to work.

When the show is over Matthew goes into the bathroom and brushes his teeth. He's been doing really good about things like that lately. He's been more...responsible, especially for a five-year-old. We've decided that we're going to wait until Faith is already pregnant before we tell him that we want to have a baby. We're not too sure why we just think that would be best. Sometimes it's amazing how much we don't know. We have no clue what we're doing. We just go day by day pretending to have a fucking clue about how to raise a child. We have the basics down: feed him, keep him clean, keep him safe, send him to school, make sure he's happy. But what about the rest? What are we supposed to do when he's fourteen and rebelling against us? Do we give him some slack or make him stay in his bedroom? I don't like to think that far ahead because I get freaked out so I just try to live mostly in the 'now', like I have been since I became a slayer. When you aren't expected to live passed twenty-one or so it's kind of pointless to make plans. I'm breaking of those old habits though. I have a nice future to look forward to, especially since I will soon be Mrs. Buffy Summers Lehane. I'm really excited but we want to wait a little bit.

I've decided that it's going to be a spring wedding because that's when all of the flowers are blooming and things are starting to come back to life. Rebirth, reformation that's sort of the theme that I want. A new start with a new life, a life as a wife. Hey that rhymed. I still haven't decided on everything. I have plenty of time. We want to wait until after Faith has the baby, maybe when the baby is a little older, like one or two, I'm not sure. That's if she ever gets pregnant. I look down at her stomach and furrow my brow a little bit. There will be a baby growing in there soon. Mark my words, she will carry our child. I reach over and gently rub her stomach a little bit. I can't wait for her to get the bump. It's going to be so cute.

I remember when I got the bump when I was pregnant with Matthew, we could be cuddling together either in bed or on the couch and I would be nuzzling her neck and she would be rubbing my back and my stomach at the same time. And when I started to get bigger she would gently lay her head against my stomach and be really quiet and she would be able to hear the heartbeat. The look on her face when she heard it for the first time...I can't even describe it. She looked like she was in total awe, and a little surprised. And when I was seven months pregnant she started talking to my stomach. She would gently rest her head on my belly and look up at me while she talked to our baby. We thought that we were going to have a girl so she just called it 'girly'. That was going to be her nickname for the baby, I just knew it. But we got Matthew and I couldn't be anymore happier with the results. I would like Faith to have a girl though. I love my son don't get me wrong, but I want to play dress up, and put her hair back in little bows and have tea parties, ya know, all of the girly stuff.

I look over towards the hallway when I hear Matthew walk out of the bathroom and go into his bedroom. He turns on the light and closes the door. I look over at the T.V., when did we start watching Lost? God, I don't like this show either. I guess I'm more of a movie gal then a television girl. But whatever. It doesn't matter what we watch as long as I'm wrapped up in the arms of my love. And if Matthew were here it would make is so much better. Cuddling with your kids is great, I love it, especially when I hold him and then she holds the both of us. I love feeling sandwiched like that. We hear Matthew scream and before we can react he's running towards us.

"Mmmmooommmmyyyyyyy!" he screams and jumps into my lap. He wraps his arms around my neck very tightly and if I weren't a slayer he'd probably we choking me right now. I start to make some soft shushing sounds, trying to get him to calm down. He sits up in my lap and then crawls down. He grabs me by the hand and starts to pull on me. I get up and ask him what's wrong, but he doesn't say anything. He leads me into his bedroom, Faith at my heels. We all walk into the room and I look around. What is wrong? I don't see anything out of place. He's pulled out half of his pajamas and they're laying on the floor, but other then that nothing looks out of place. "There's a spider on my bed."

We all look over to the bed and sitting in the middle of it is a really big spider. It's brown and hairy and about the size of a quarter. Spiders don't bother me. I'll just get a glass and a something solid that I can carry, like a notebook or something and let it go outside. It moves, turns so it's looking at us, at least I think it's looking at us, and what do the two babies of the family do? They both scream and run away. Since when is Faith afraid of spiders? You learn something new everyday, I guess. I roll my eyes and walk into the kitchen. The two babies are standing on top of my couch. I just had that thing cleaned. I get a glass and pull out the cookie sheet that we never use because it's really old and we have a better one.

I go back into the bedroom and quickly put the cup over the spider and then slide it onto the cookie sheet. I could just go out to the backdoor and let him go out back, but where's the fun in that? With this newfound knowledge of Faith's arachnophobia I walk into the living room and watch as they run away back away from me. Faith falls off the couch and lands right on her ass. I laugh so hard that I almost drop the cookie sheet. I roll my eyes at the way they're acting, it's just a spider. I let it go out front and then put the stuff in the sink. Like I'm going to put it back in the cupboards with the clean dishes, nope, don't think so.

Now that all of the excitement has died down it's time for bed. I'm not really tired but I don't want to be up anymore. I just feel like lying down, making zone out for a little while. We put Matthew to bed after we search the rest of the room to make sure that there are no spiders. We give him his goodnight kisses and hugs and then we leave the room. Faith closes the door and I turn around and wrap my arms around her waist. I rest my head on her shoulder and just hug her close to me. She wraps her arms around my back and just holds me. It feels so good to be in her arms like this, you have no idea how good this feels. And you never will because she's mine. I pull back first and give her a little kiss on the lips and then walk off to the bedroom and get ready for bed.

I yawn really wide as I lay under the comfy comforter. I watch as she walks into the bedroom, she just brushed her teeth so she'll have that minty fresh taste to her. I don't like that flavor a whole lot, I don't know why, I just don't. I watch as she changes into her pajamas. For some reason it's a little warm tonight so she wears black bikini style underwear and a black spaghetti strap shirt. She usually wears a large baggy shirt and then nothing under it, but whatever. I like this better because it doesn't hide her very sexy body from me. I smile to myself as she stretches her arms high above her head and pops her back a little. She yawns and then crawls under the covers. She turns out her light and then turns and faces me. She leans in and places a small kiss on my lips and then pulls back and looks into my eyes. I smile a little and then curl up in her arms. I love falling asleep like this, it's just so comfortable. I fall asleep to the sounds of her rhythmic breathing, perfectly content with this moment.

I wake up when I feel something pushing on my shoulder. I open my eyes and see that I'm facing the window of my bedroom. I must've rolled out of Faith's arms in my sleep. We fall asleep in each other's arms almost every night but it's rare that we wake up that way. We move too much in our sleep to stay like that. I move around a little bit, someone please make the shaking stop! Then the very rude person or thing or whatever, grabs onto my shoulder and rolls me over onto my back. I look up through my hazy vision and see Faith looking down on me. Her breathing is shallow and fast, her skin is really warm and now that I'm a little more awake I can smell her arousal. She must've had a sex dream or something and woke up really horny.

She kisses me but it's really sloppy on my part, but that's ok with her. She crawls on top of me pulls down my underwear, hers are already gone. I spread my legs for her and we kiss again as she lowers herself onto of me. I hiss out a breath of pleasure when I feel our clits touch. How can something so simple feel so damn good? She starts rocking against me and I wrap my arms around her back. As her thrusts get harder and faster I gently claw her back and bite my bottom lip to keep from moaning out. I reach down with one hand and slowly put it between our bodies. I hear her moan and then hiss when my hand reaches our dripping sexes. My fingers get coated in our mixed arousal as I enter her with two fingers. She groans and starts pumping harder.

I circle her sanative clit with my thumb and just when she starts to tremble I press down really hard. She lasts maybe ten seconds before she gasps out loudly and bites her lips to keep from screaming as she collapses on top of me. Her inner walls are still convulsing around my fingers and I keep pumping inside of her, drawing out her orgasm for as long as possible. She kisses my neck a couple of times and then I feel her fingers start to work their way through my trim pubic hair. It isn't long before I have to bite down on her shoulder to keep from yelling out as I'm thrown into bliss. We kiss each other one last time and then fall asleep again, completely sated and loving our lives.

_I walk through the front door and find that my house, my lovely house that was so clean and tidy when I left this morning, is now a disaster area. There are toys all over the place, on the floor, on the couches and chairs, the kitchen table…everywhere. I walk towards my bedroom, stepping either around or over the annoying plastic and cloth playthings and it's only when I reach the kitchen when I start to hear signs of life. There's laughing and some yelling and then a high-pitched squeal. God, she really does have a set of lungs on her, doesn't she?_

_I put my purse down on the dresser and change out of my work clothes and into some nice comfortable loose fitting jeans and a plain white t-shirt. I slip on some flip-flops and walk out onto the deck in our backyard. I watch as they play and I can't help but smile. We did good, I'll admit that. We did really good. I watch as she pitches him the baseball and he swings the bat as hard as he can. He's going to have to stop doing that because of the slayer strength, the neighbors have already complained twice because of broken windows. But he misses and she starts laughing. I shake my head a little but I don't say anything. Sometimes she can be really mean to him, but he can hold his own. He's starting to get very frustrated with her and I know that if I don't step in then there will be a huge fight like there was last time._

"_Addison, you be nice to your brother." I call out and she looks over at me. She frowns at first but then her eyes light up and she runs towards me. She jumps into my arms and gives me a big hug. Always the little suck up, but I guess that just comes with the whole 'baby of the family' package. She gives me a little kiss on the cheek and then I set her down on the ground. I look into the light brown eyes of her, nothing like Faith or Matthew's. They're more of a cross between both Faith and me. Addison looks a lot morel like me then Matthew does, which is kinda cool I guess. Her hair is as dark as Faith's but her face looks more like mine, she's slimmer, dainty, just like I was when I was little. But she's a little she-devil at times. I used to think that Matthew was hard to handle when he was little because he was so hyper and always breaking my table lamps, but those were accidents. When this little one turned two and learned that because of her very strong slayer abilities she could climb up onto the couch and break the lamps and then climb back down and we would just assume that it was Matthew and start to yell at him and we thought that he was just blaming her so he wouldn't get into trouble. That went on for about a month before Faith caught her._

"_I missed you, Mommy." I missed you too kid. She can be a pain but she's sweet and after she learned that it's not nice to break stuff and blame it on other people she's usually very well intentioned. Usually. "Mama's been sick all day, and we're bored." She whines a lot, but I guess that's just because she's a girl. I used to whine a lot too. I glance at the backdoor and I feel a lot of sympathy for Faith. "She's been sleeping a lot and she threw up a couple of times. It was gross." I shake my head a little and then give her a little kiss on the forehead. _

_Then everything fades away and goes completely white. Then I'm standing in the playground, by the merry-go-round, it's daylight, maybe the afternoon, I'm not sure. There's no one around, only me. Then I hear laughter off in the distance. I start to walk towards the sounds, into the woods and I can't help but feel like I'm about to walk into a trap or something. But it's no trap, just a clearing in the trees and bushes. There's a large picnic blanket and I see myself and Faith sitting on it, and pulling the food out of the basket. Matthew is sitting next to us and just like before he's older, twelve maybe thirteen. The little girl, Addison, is sitting next to Faith, leaning up against her and waiting for us to serve lunch. There's a light-hearted and very calm vibe about the whole thing. And it looks like Faith finally opens up to the idea of a picnic in the park. I try to walk closer to them but then everything fades out._

I wake up and stretch out. That was a strange dream. I wonder if it was a slayer dream, and if it was, is that our little girl? The sun is shining a little too brightly for my liking. I feel around for Faith but she isn't in the bed. I hate waking up alone. I get out of bed and walk down the hall to the bathroom. Faith's in the shower but when we've lived with someone for seven years peeing in the same room as they're showering isn't a big deal. I walk over to the sink and wash my hands when I'm done and then dry my hands on the little towel hanging from the towel rack on the wall. I grab my toothbrush and start to brush my teeth. I usually don't use toothpaste, I don't like the taste of it. I finish brushing my teeth and rinse out my mouth and then my toothbrush. I put it back in the little holder thingy and watch as Faith gets out of the shower. She knows that I'm watching and waiting so she puts on a little show for me. She slowly sticks out only one leg from behind the shower curtain, it sort of reminds me of Jessica Rabbit from 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit'. Ever seen that movie? It's really funny, you should see it.

She slowly steps out from behind the curtain, making sure to arch her back a little so that the water runs down her body a little slower. I laugh a little and shake my head at the way she's acting, she knows that she's being a little over the top and has a goofy smile on her face, but the sight of a very dripping wet and naked Faith is starting to turn me on a little. Seriously, I think there's something wrong with us. It's almost like we're still hormonal teenagers with the way we still want each other so much and all the time. Well not all the time, when we fight I don't want her to touch me. Although I do think she's kind of sexy when she's mad. And I cannot believe that I just admitted that to you. Tell no one, because if she finds out her ego will be boosted so high, like, through the fucking roof. You see, she's a bad influence on me. I never used to cuss this much. I let my eyes wonder her body and I notice that something is a little off. It takes me a couple of minutes to figure out but once I do I rush at her and start kissing her madly. She's surprised and backs up a little bit, breathing heavy and looking at me weird.

"The tattoo is gone." She looks down but she wouldn't be able to see it even if it were still there. She walks over to the mirror and wipes away the steam that collected on it. She looks at herself for a few seconds, focusing on the spot where the tattoo was. She turns around and wraps her arms around me and hugs me tightly. "We need to go to the doctor this weekend though. Nothing is official until you get a blood test, so lets not get our hopes too high up." She pulls back and frowns a little bit. I smile and kiss her softly and then pull back. "I'm not trying to be a parade rainer but we need to be rational about it. And with that said; I can't believe we're having another baby!" I squeal and I hug her again. I can't believe it. We're going to have another little baby that we can hold and kiss and play with and love. I can't wait to get it officially confirmed so that we can tell Matthew. He's going to be so excited. Oh, and I need to tell Dawn, and Willow. Willow will tell Kennedy so that's killing two birds with one stone. I need to tell Xander! He's going to be excited too. He loves little kids, surprisingly. But they can wait until later. I want to spend as much time with Faith as possible. I can't believe we're going to have another baby!


	10. The Strawberry Ice Cream

**Three Months Later**. BPOV

It has been a rough couple of months, let me tell you. After I saw that the tattoo was gone we were both really excited, we couldn't wait for that little life to be born. She did everything she was supposed to, she stopped smoking, we're all eating right making it a little easier on her. We don't want to rub it in her face that she can't eat the foods that her body is really craving. That baby wants a lot of fried foods, every time we go by a KFC or Popeye's Chicken she has a little panic attack because she wants to eat there so badly. And you wouldn't believe the morning sickness, wait let me correct that, the sickness, you wouldn't believe the sickness. She'd wake up early in the morning and run off to the bathroom, she'd eat lunch and then forty-five minutes later be puking her guts out. It was way worst then when I was pregnant. But now that she's three months the morning sickness is starting to go away. She complains a lot about her breasts hurting, but I understand that. And you would not believe the rants when she can't fit into a pair of pants. She's already starting to put on weight and her butt is too big for her to fit into any of her leather pants, but she's only gained like five pounds.

And in no way is she bitchy like I was. I think I would prefer the bitchiness to what she's going through. She cries, a lot and over almost everything. Like this morning I made her breakfast and I accidentally burnt one piece of bacon and she started sobbing like someone shot her puppy or something. Oh! And speaking of dogs, it's so disgusting what she lets Tucker do. She'll be lying down on the couch watching T.V. and he'll walk over to her and start sniffing her stomach and then he'll push her shirt up with his nose and start licking her belly, and she lets him! Isn't that totally disgusting? Please agree with me on this because all of my friends think that it's cute. Cute? What the hell kind of crap is that? I tell her that it's gross but she says that it's his way of accepting the baby or whatever. I figured that since she's been cut off of almost all fatty foods and most of the foods that she really likes I would order out. I pay the man at the door and thank him. I ordered a meal large enough for ten and he's looking at me like I'm crazy. I set it on the kitchen table and then walk towards the bedroom. Faith went in there half an hour ago to read. That's another thing she's been doing a lot lately, it's weird. She's already read like twenty novels.

I stop at the door and I smile to myself. Thank God she doesn't see me because this is too good to not watch and I don't want to ruin it. She's standing in front of the floor length mirror that I have up against the wall. She has something in her hand, it looks like a wadded up towel, maybe some old shirts, I'm not sure. But she's stuffing it under her shirt and arranging it so that it makes a perfectly round large bump on her stomach. She studies herself in the mirror, running her hands over the bump and I can see the tears starting to form in her eyes. Oh boy, here we go. I watch her for a few more minutes. The tears silently fall down her face and she wipes them away. I wonder what she's thinking about. What is going on inside of that head of hers that is upsetting her like this? I walk silently into the room and she sees me in the mirror. She just looks down at her belly again, her hands are back on the large bulge again. I wrap my arms around her, resting my hands on top of hers and I kiss the side of her neck and then rest my chin on her shoulder. We're quiet for a few seconds before she breaks the silence.

"Will you still want me when I get this big? Will I still be attractive to you?" So that is what this is all about? I tighten my grip on her a little and start to kiss the side of her neck again, leaving a couple of hickies. She moans out, the hormones in her body have taken their affect on her libido big time. She wakes me up almost every night to have sex. Not that I'm complaining or anything. And she gets so turned on so easily. It's almost funny to watch. I gently scrape my teeth over the soft skin on her neck and she rolls her head back and moans loudly and starts grinding her ass against me. I smile and then pull back. She groans very displeased because I stopped. She looks at me through the mirror, her eyes are dark with arousal and I think about taking her right here. Just pulling out whatever is stuffed under her shirt and slipping my hand into her sweat pants, but I can't because not only is the food here but the door is open and Matthew could walk in any second.

"No matter what, I will always want you." She smiles at me and tilts her head to the side and kisses me on the cheek. I remember when she used to hold me like this. I would stand in the front of this same mirror and look at my growing belly. I never worried that I was unattractive, I was too wrapped up in the fact that I was having Faith's baby. I stand in front of it, topless but with a bra on, and just stare at the bulge of my stomach and just think about a million different things. I wondered what the baby would look like, this is when we still thought it was a girl, so I would wonder if she would look more like Faith or myself. I wondered if she would bond with Faith, if she would know that Faith is her 'father'. I would wonder what her first word would be and how hold she'd be when she takes her first step. If she would have any slayer powers or not and if she did then how old she'd be when we take her out on patrol. Faith would walk up behind me and hold me like I'm holding her right now and most of the time we'd end up making love because those hormones wreaked their havoc on my system and I was hornier then a dog in heat.

"So, like, if there were a building on fire and I had to run in to save a bunch of people but I got wicked burns and I scared all over the place and my skin is all black and pink and shit after I get better and I'm all ugly, you'd still want me?" I take in a deep breath, wow she's been thinking a lot about this, hasn't she? It's kind of strange if you think about it, she used to be so cocky, not just back in Sunnydale but here as well. We'd be walking through the grocery store and point out all of the people that wanted to sleep with her, most of them were teenage boys, but she always named off, like, the entire store, including all of the women. And now she's questioning herself. I roll my eyes up and let out a little 'hmm' as if I'm thinking about it. I'm just joking though, but I keep forgetting that she's hormonal, I keep forgetting that she's really sensitive right now. She pulls my arms off of her and as she rushes off to the bathroom she grabs the towel and throws it behind her. She slams the bathroom door and starts crying. I feel like such an ass. I thought I was supposed to be the feminine one of this relationship? Now I have an idea of how things are for her, damn do I sympathize. I walk over to the bathroom and try to open the door but it's locked.

"Faith, baby, I didn't mean it. I was just joking around. I would still want you, baby. Please come out Faith. Dinner is here, I ordered from your favorite Chinese place. Please Faith, I'm sorry." I really hope she comes out because ordering a Chinese dinner for ten and then adding on extra stuff is not cheap. I hear her sobs start to quiet down a little bit and I sigh a breath of relief. I see Matthew walk out of his bedroom and close the door. He walks towards me. He stands beside me and stares at the white door in front of us. He looks up at me and I look back at him. He sighs really loudly and folds his arms over his chest.

"How did you hurt her feelings this time?" Oh, that little kid and his attitude. He was really excited when we told him that he's going to be a big brother. He really wanted to take an active roll with the pregnancy, Faith practically made him her little slave and he was always running to the kitchen to get her stuff. But when she started getting sick he blamed it on the baby. I tried to explain to him that it isn't the baby's fault, that there are these things called hormones and when a women gets pregnant with a baby her hormones get all weird and she gets sick. He came back with 'well if she didn't have a baby in her belly then her hormones wouldn't be weird'. I didn't know what to say because he's right. And then she started crying a lot because her boobs hurt so bad and she couldn't pick Matthew up because if anything brushed against her breasts she'd start crying really hard, according to him that was also the baby's fault.

Then one day he heard me make a wisecrack when Faith tried to put on a pair of leather pants and she couldn't, and she started crying really hard after I made the remark, I don't even know what I said now, but he heard it and saw how she reacted and now every time she runs off to the bathroom crying he automatically blames me for it. He's become very...resentful? Is that the right word? He went from thinking that the baby is a good thing to wanting it to just go away, and he's really bitter towards me now. And he says things like he just did, full of this hateful attitude and I would never hit my kid but sometimes I just wanna smack his mouth a little bit when he talks to me like that. I kneel down so that we're eye to eye and I grab onto his upper arm so he won't walk away from me. I frown and furrow my eyebrows and clench my jaw a little bit.

"You never ever talk to me like that, Matthew. I'm serious, you do not talk to anyone like that, ever. I know you're mad because Mama is so sick but she's going to get better. This is just what happens when women have babies. I thought you wanted to be a big brother?" My voice isn't as stern as it was in the beginning. He looks conflicted now and I feel bad for him because he doesn't fully understand what's going on. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks away from me. He looks a little sad now and I want to reach out and hug him but I would really like for him to answer the question first. I sigh a little and run my fingers through his hair. "Sweetie, I thought you wanted to be a big brother?" I ask again hoping that maybe he'll answer if I keep asking. He sighs and keeps looking down.

"I do, but the baby is makin Mama sick and she's sad all the time and I don't want her to be sad anymore because she doesn't play with me." I reach out and pick him up. I stand up and carry him into the living room, holding him really close to me the entire time. It's true that Faith hasn't been as active, this depression is taking its toll on all of us. It's hitting him a lot harder then I thought it would. I didn't think that she was going to get like this, but she's going to get better and soon. Once the morning sickness goes away she won't be as bad. I hope. She will get better. I bought a couple books on pregnancy and the morning sickness usually goes away at about four months, and her breasts are going to really hurt at about five months when the colostrum develops. Right now she's just sensitive and Faith has never really taken pain very well, and with her hormones all out of whack it's worst.

"Look, Matthew, I know this is hard to understand, but when a baby is growing inside a mommy's tummy things happen to her body. And because this is Mama's first baby." And because of this probably her last. "She isn't used to what's going on. I'm trying to help her but it's just going to take time. Ok?" He nods his head yes but he still looks kind of sad. This is just an adjustment, it'll take a while for him to get used to it but he will. And I'll try really hard to get Faith to spend some more time with him. "Tell you what, after dinner me and Mama will read you a couple of books, ok?" He smiles and nods his head vigorously. He loves it when we read to him and we try to do it as often as possible but lately he hasn't really wanted us to. I don't know why but oh well. I give him a kiss on top of his head and he jumps off of me and runs over to the table. He sits in his chair and I go over to the bathroom to see if Faith is ready to come out or not. She's not in the bathroom so I go looking for her. I find her in the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed, starting off into space. I slowly walk into the room and sit down next to her.

"I know that I can't control it, it's all of these hormones or whatever, but I'm sorry that I'm so...weepy." She looks over at me and runs a hand through her long locks. I smile slightly and cup her cheek with my hand. "I'm trying hard to control it because I know that it upsets Mattie. I didn't think he was gonna react like this. I heard the way he talked to you...has he done that before?" I nod my head yes and she looks away from me. This is the first time that she's heard Matthew talk to me like that. He usually only says things like that when we're alone. I think he knows that him saying things like that will upset Faith and that seems to be one of the last things he wants to do. "Maybe this whole baby thing was a bad idea after all." She says it so softly that I can barely hear her, but I still heard it. I shake my head and use my thumb to gently turn her head so she's looking into my eyes. I never want her to think that again, ever.

"No, Faith. This is a good idea. Things are going to get better, your body is just trying to get used to this. Matthew will adjust to it, it just takes time. Please don't ever think that us bringing another life into this world is a bad idea, because it's not. I know that things suck now, really suck, but it won't be as bad. When your morning sickness goes away and you develop the colostrum you won't be as bad." She laughs a little. At her last doctor's appointment he explained what colostrum is and how it might hurt when it develops and that even if Faith isn't planning on breast-feeding, which she isn't, then she should at least let the baby drink up all of that because it's really good for them but once the actual breast milk develops then she can stop if she wants. I did the same thing, breast-feeding was just too big of a demand on my body and it was easier just to use formula. "I still think you are the most beautiful, the sexiest, and most caring woman on this earth. And nothing is ever going to change my mind of that. You've been...a little depressed, and mood shifty but you are getting better and your breasts aren't as sore anymore. You just need to spend a little more time with him and he'll get better. And don't worry about me, I can hold my own." She laughs a little and I lean in and place a soft kiss on her lips. I pull away before it gets too deep because once she gets worked up there's no turning back. "Why don't we go in and have some food. I think Matthew already ate most of the egg rolls." She laughs again and we walk into the kitchen to enjoy a nice, quiet dinner.

FPOV

All of you probably think that I'm insane. I feel like it sometimes. Everything is just changing so much so fast and I can't control any of it. I hate not being able to control what happens to me. And look what I've done to my family: I make Buffy feel bad about herself because I can't control my stupid girly emotions and little jokes that I would normally be able to take bring me to fucking tears. Mattie is angry a lot more then normal and talkin to B like she's to blame for all of this. I've been ignoring him a little, not playing with him as much and I can't pick him up because my boobs are still sore. God this sucks. And I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like if Buffy isn't inside of me in like five seconds I'll just die. And it isn't always in the middle of the night. We were grocery shopping last week and we went into the frozen foods section and I saw what the cold was doin to Buffy's body and it was getting me all worked up until I finally snapped and I dragged her off to the bathroom and we had a quickie in one of the cleaner stalls. I know that she wants me, and that she'll always love me but lately I can't help but feel like I'm just not attractive anymore. Like she's going to look at me and think 'eww , look at her gross belly and all of those disgusting blue lines on her stomach and boobs, that's just sick. Why would I wanna be with that?' And I freak out a little bit.

She was mean and bitchy when she was pregnant but she was never like this. She was too wrapped up in thoughts about the future to really care about whether people thought she was hot or not. I still thought she was hot, she was beautiful, but I just don't feel like I am. God, look at me, I'm turning into a total girl. Well, I'm just going to have to suck it up because I can't ignore them anymore. I have been ignoring Buffy emotionally, I think. I can't help but feel like I'm only using her for the sex because basically I am. If we're not having sex then I'm usually off in my own world just lying around and moping. I still spend time with my son but not as much and we I do it's usually watching T.V. or eating meals together. We don't do a lot of the things that we used to do. I haven't been training with him, we don't play outside together a lot because I'm afraid of what might happen to the baby if I fall down, I haven't been reading to him although I'm not really sure why. I've been a bad mother and it needs to change.

So now that dinner is over with and I've helped Buffy clean up the dishes I pick up my son and adjust him so he won't touch my boobs and I carry him into his bedroom. He changes into his pajamas and crawls under the covers. I walk over to the large bookcase that's up against the wall next to the bed and I pick out three of his favorite books, ones that I've read so many times that I have most of them memorized. I skip forward to the second chapter of the first book. I know what you're probably thinking: 'a little kid's book has chapters? I thought they were supposed to be short?' Each chapter is a different story and these aren't very long, ten maybe twelve little pages or something like that. I sit down on the edge of his new bed, Buffy finally convinced him that he was too old for the plastic racecar bed and now he has an oak wood bed frame. It is so much better then that racecar. Anyway, I sit down on the edge of the bed and open up the book to the second chapter.

"Alright, this one is called 'In Which Pooh Goes Visiting and Gets Into a Tight Place'." I was a little concerned when Buffy brought home the Winnie-the-Pooh book because I thought that it was a book for girls but he likes it and I enjoy reading it to him so whatever. And it's the original story, the one written back in 1926. I feel a little proud knowing Winnie-the-Pooh's real name, don't ask me why. I clear my throat very dramatically he smiles a little and moves around to get comfortable. "'Edward Bear, known to his friends as Winnie-the-Pooh, or Pooh for short, was walking through the forest one day, humming proudly to himself'." I continue to read the chapter and I'm over dramatic about almost everything, using large hand and arm movements and different voices for the different characters.

I know Buffy is watching from the bedroom door but she isn't going to come in here. She wants me to have this time with Mattie alone because we haven't had any mother-son-bonding-time since I starting getting the morning sickness that doesn't know how to tell time. He must've been a little more tired then I thought because I'm just finishing this chapter and he's already drifting off. "'So, with a nod of thanks to his friend, he went on with his walk through the forest, humming proudly to himself. But, Christopher Robin looked after him lovingly, and said to himself, 'Silly old Bear!'" I close the book and watch as Mattie's eyes slowly close with the heaviness of sleep. I lean forward and give him a little kiss on the forehead then stand up and put away the books. I turn off the large floor lamp next to the bed and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me.

I wrap my arms around Buffy and rest my head on her shoulder. I give her a little kiss on the neck. I take her by the hand and lead her to the living room and I turn out all of the lights on the way so that entire house is nice and dark. I sit down on the couch and sits next to me. I curl up in her arms and nuzzle her neck with my nose. This is just what I need. Maybe now things will get so much better now that I know what's really been going on and not just what Buffy wants me to think. I know why she didn't tell my why Mattie was acting like that, she doesn't want me to worry because I'm so stressed out enough as it is. But now that I know, I can work at making it better. I snuggle a little closer to her. She says that since I got pregnant I've been more 'affectionate'. According to her I want to snuggle and cuddle a lot more, and yes there is a difference between the two. But whatever. I just wanna be in her arms, is that so wrong?

"I can't wait until you get your bump, and the little baby starts moving around." She whispers and she sounds so happy. All of those thoughts before about this maybe being the wrong thing to do go out the window because hearing her sound so at peace makes it all worth it. I'm not just having this baby for her. I really do want to bring another little person into the world. I want to be able to cradle them at night and tell them about the labor and what it was like to bring them into the world like B used to do with Mattie. I want that type of bond. I want to be able to hold my baby for the first time and have that look in my eyes and on my face. That look of like 'so you're the one that's been kicking me'. Buffy had that look on her face, it was almost like she recognized him even though she was seeing him for the first time. I'm not good at explaining it, I don't think this is the kind of thing that can be explained, you just have to experience it for yourself. And I can't wait for it to happen. Although the pain is going to be a bitch, that's something that I can't forget.

"I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl." And I can't. I really wanna know. Buffy thinks that we should wait until it's born to be surprised like we were with Mattie but I can't do that. We were just so convinced that Mattie was going to be girl because we figured that since we're both girls we wouldn't be able to make a boy, damn we were wrong. And now that I know my baby could be either one I really wanna know which one it is. I hate calling my baby 'it', I just wanna be able to say he or she, him or her. And don't even get me started with decorating the nursery. We already got rid of the bed that was in the spare bedroom, we took down all of the decorating that Buffy did to make Willow feel more welcome and now we just have to completely redo the room. We need to repaint it because I don't want our baby in a plain white room, we need to fix up the crib, buy a new basinet, get a new rocking chair, and just stuff. I can't really think of anything else right now, but there is a lot we need to do.

"How are you feeling? Are you ok?" I think about her question for a minute or two. For the first time in what seems like forever I really am ok. I don't feel like I'm doing everything wrong, I'm not afraid that the world is going to come crashing down on me. For once I feel like I can be happy and not worry about anything. I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop, whatever the hell that means. I feel like everything is finally right, everything is back to the way it should be. I know I'm not going to feel like this for long. Tomorrow will rise and with a whole new set of worries and mood swings, but for now, things are perfect. I'm also feeling a little playful. Maybe I should start acting like a girly girl every once in a while, its kind of fun. You get to do that little babyish voice and bat your eyelashes and tease a little. I blame the pregnancy. I never used to think that until I got pregnant. So to everyone who might be suspicious, it's all the pregnancy.

"Well..." I trail off and start to pull at the collar of her shirt a little bit and use my index finger to leave feather soft touches on the exposed skin of her chest. "I feel like kissing you, and touching you, and teasing...just a little bit." She smiles a small smile at me, a little crooked smile. I look up at her through my eyelashes and pout a little bit and give her this innocent smile. She's not the only one who can be playful and innocent about it. Then the little minx leans down and tries to kiss me but I pull away, just out of reach. I definitely don't have an advantage because I'm lying against her so she's higher up and in a position of control. She's able to capture my lips but I don't let her dominate me, not yet at least. I pull away just a little and nibble on her bottom lip, and gently suck on it. I pull on it gently and she tries to free herself but can't. I let go of her and look into he eyes.

I lean in and kiss her again but it's short lived as I pull back and take off for the bathroom. I hate this stupid morning sickness bullshit that doesn't know how to tell time. And when I finish puking my guts out I'm no longer in the mood. Dammit! I hate throwing up! I flush the toilet and then rinse my mouth out. I stare at my reflection for a few seconds. I take a couple of deep breaths to try and force away the new feeling of nausea. Damn, this sucks. My mouth waters up and I can feel the rest of the junk in my stomach start to work its way up. I fall to my knees and lean over the toilet. It burns the back of my throat really bad and I can feel some tears leaking their way out of my eyes. I hate this so fucking much. I can handle the mood swings and feeling unsexy but I can't handle this. I hear the door open and I feel Buffy rubbing my back and with one hand and holding my hair up with the other. I'd smile it I weren't too busy hurling up the last of the chow mien that I had for dinner. Finally it ends and I rest my forehead on the edge of the cool glass. I feel her put my hair back with a hair tie and then she stands up. Hey! The rubbing stopped. God, I'm pouting again, make it stop! I feel her gently turn my head to the side and she starts to dab at my forehead with a cool washrag. God that feels so good. She sees my tears and her eyebrows furrow a little bit in that cute way.

"Shh baby, it's ok. This is just the bad part. Try not to think about it. Think about what it'll be like when you hold that little baby in your arms for the first time how beautiful she'll be. And then when we bring her home for the first time." She smiles a little and wets the rag again and then places it on the back of my neck. Mmmm, that feels even better. Wait...what did she say? She? How does she know the baby is a girl? I give her this questioning look but she pretends not to see it. Umm...ok, what the hell? She's never done that before, that I can remember at least.

"You know somethin that I don't?" I ask and she looks at me with a questioning look, like I'm the crazy one. She gives a little 'hmm?' and then takes the cloth off of my neck to wet it again. I grab her by the wrist to stop her from moving away from me. She looks down at me, her eyebrows are furrowed a little bit. I gently ease her down so she's sitting on the floor next to me. "You said 'she'. You said to think about what it'll be like when I hold the baby in my arms for the first time and how beautiful she'll be. And what it'll be like when we bring her home. Do you know something that I don't?" She looks away from me and softly picks at the cloth as if she's picking off imaginary lint or something. She sighs heavily and keeps looking down at the cloth in her hands.

"It's stupid but a couple months ago, the morning I saw that the tattoo was gone I had this dream, I know it was probably just a dream, but I saw this little girl she was like five or six. She had your hair color, but it was straight like mine, and these light brown eyes, she looked a lot like me. And she was ours. She was playing baseball with Matthew out in the backyard. She was beautiful, a little bratty but...I don't know, it's hard to explain. Her name was Addison, I think I called her Addy for short or something like that. I'll be grateful and happy with whatever we get, ya know, but I guess I've always wanted a little girl. Maybe the dream was just my subconscious showing me what I could have." She gets really quiet and I zone out also. Addison...that name...maybe she really did have a slayer dream. I can't believe this, it's just so...I just can't believe it.

"Addison Kristine." She looks up at me with this confused look on her face. I smile a little bit and then think of where I heard that name before, all of the different times I spoke it. I can't believe I would name my kid after her though, even after seeing everything I have as a slayer and a mother and fiancé I'm still surprised. I guess I'm not as jaded as I thought. "My neighbor had this little girl named Addison I was twelve she was like eight maybe nine. Her parents were tweakers and I would go over there and take care of her when they were passed out or out buying the drugs. We cared about each other, we were like sisters, I guess. Then social services came and took her away." I stop talking, I'm not sad remembering her, those are pleasant times that I really do like to remember. I'm quiet as I think about all of the good and bad things that could have happened to her. I really wish I knew her full name, it'd look her up, see how she's doing. I know what she's about to ask, so I just cut her off. "Kristine was my mom's name." I cannot believe I would actually give tribute to her. But I guess that's what sucks most about being someone's offspring, you love them even if they make your life a living hell. The name is nice though. I can just imagine Buffy getting mad at something she does and yelling out 'Addison Kristine Lehane, you stop that right now!'. Buffy's right, I just need to think about the future goodness and forget about this stupid morning sickness crap.

I reach out and cup her cheek with my hand in that little reassuring way. I need her to know that it's fine. I don't like my mom, God do I not like my mom, but there are memories that aren't so bad. I can think about my mother without having a break down, it's possible. I smile a small smile at her and she smiles back. I get up and flush the toilet, why didn't I do that before? Anyway, I stand up and then rinse my mouth out. I use almost half of the mouthwash to get that nasty taste out of my mouth. We both need to brush our teeth anyway. When we're done we go into the bedroom and get ready for bed. I change into a pair of silk boxers and a baggy t-shirt. I crawl under the covers feeling tired but happy, surprisingly. I'm usually really cranky after I get sick like that. She gets into the bed too. I turn on my side so that my back is facing her and I scoot closer to her. She seems to get the hint, which is good, and she starts to spoon me from behind. I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Now I know why she likes it when I do this to her, it feels really good to be held in someone's arms like this. I wonder if she'll still do this after I have the baby and resume my badass image?

BPOV

That's right, today is the day we go in for Faith's ultrasound! I'm so excited. I know that we've had them before and seeing the tiny little baby for the first time was amazing, but today is the day we find out if it's a boy or a girl! I'm so excited, I already said that. God, I think I'm going crazy. These past two months have been great. Since Faith realized that she was being a little...over dramatic about some stuff she's calmed down a lot, especially after she found out how it was effecting Matthew. She's almost back to normal except for her growing belly! It's so cute, you wouldn't believe it. She's really self-conscious about it though. She's gets all huffy and puffy when she sees me glancing at her belly when I think she's distracted and doing something else.

And Matthew has gotten so much better. I can't believe the turn around. Faith has been spending more time with him and after we both sat down and explained what it really means to be a big brother he got all excited. We told him that a big brother is a very important thing, that it's their job to help look after the baby and take care of it and make sure that it doesn't get hurt by anyone or anything. So now he's bound and determined that he's going to be the baby's bodyguard or something, which is good. We want him to feel like he is a part of what's going on. The last thing we want is for him to feel alienated by this. We're already letting him help out a little bit with some stuff. Like when we bought a new rocking chair for the nursery he helped Faith and Xander put it together. I tried to help but building stuff is more their thing.

I really wish she would hurry up. Matthew and I were ready to go like five minutes ago. This whole 'being pregnant' thing as really turned her into more of a girly girl. Maybe it's just too much estrogen. I'm sure once the baby is born and her hormones calm down she'll be back to her old sarcastic self again. Finally! She walks down the hallway, she decided to change into a baggier t-shirt then she would normally wear in public. She's really self-conscious about her belly. I think it's mostly because almost everywhere we go someone will walk up to us and start going on and on about how cute babies are and how they're happy that she's having one and then they try to touch her belly. Some people can be so intrusive. I give her a quick kiss as we walk out the front door and towards the car. I hook Matthew up in his booster seat and get into the driver's seat. Faith is already buckled and ready to go. Have I mentioned that I'm excited about this?

So I park the car in the parking lot of the hospital and we walk into the large building. We go into the elevator and I have to hold Matthew back because he wants to push all of the buttons. It's so irritating when people do that. I hit the number six button and we start to go up. It stops and like five other people get on. Can't they wait? Don't they understand the importance of this hospital trip? Obviously they don't or they wouldn't have delayed us from getting to our floor. Ok, I need to stop thinking like a selfish little kid. Of course they don't know that Faith is pregnant and we're on our way up to get the ultrasound and they have to get places too. Finally it reaches our floor and on our way out Matthew manages to press ten of other buttons. Someone else on the elevator catches my eye and they give me a little glare. I can't help but smile a little bit, that's what they get for making us wait a whole extra minute.

Anyway, we walk into the waiting room of the...I'm not so sure what this floor is called. I've always just called it the 'mommy and baby floor', but I know that isn't right. Hmm, what is the name of it? This is going to bother the hell out of me. Now all I'm going to be able to think about all day is the name of this floor. I look around for a sign, why isn't anything labeled with anything more then numbers? That isn't a very good system if you ask me. But nobody did so I guess I'll just shut up now. So we walk into the large waiting room and sit down. Faith slouches down in her seat, like always. I don't care if she does it at home but when we're out it public would it kill her to be a little more lady like? Being a slayer and also just a little bit of a rebellious chick I think that girls have the same rights as boys and can act how they want, but would it be asking too much that she doesn't have her legs wide open like that? I roll my eyes a little bit as she opens up a Sports Illustrated magazine and starts to flip through it.

Matthew sits in my lap and I gently run my fingers through his hair. He starts asking all sorts of questions, especially about the woman behind the large counter. I keep telling him that she's a nurse and it's her job to keep track of the patient and help out the doctor if the doctor needs help. He's quiet after I shush him a little. I glance over at Faith and she's still looking at that stupid magazine. I take in a deep breath and hold it a little as the muscles in my shoulders and upper back tense up. It's not that she's flipping through a magazine, it's that she's been staring at this picture of a brunette woman with large breasts and a tiny waist who's lying on the beach in a bikini. I know she loves only me but I still get jealous when she looks at other girls even if it is just their picture. I get jealous, so what? She does too. You remember the little incident at the New Year's Party, right? Nobody is perfect, especially me. But I'm not going to say anything about it. If she wants to look she can look, it's not like she's going to leave me for a big-breasted bikini model.

"Ms. Faith Lehane." The nurse calls out and we both stand up. I put Matthew down and hold onto his hand. He has this thing about hospitals like most everywhere else we go, he's not afraid of them. Most little kids don't really like the hospital because of all the strange people and weird sights and smells, but not him. When we came here for our first appointment he got into an argument with a janitor over which brand of cleaning solution is better. He said Pine-Sol, the janitor said Mr. Clean. So I have to keep a very close eye on him whenever we come here because I'm afraid he's going to wonder into somebody's room and disturb them or something. The last thing I want is an angry mother screaming at me because I couldn't keep my boy under control. So the nurse leads us to room number 203 and as we enter she notices that we're holding hands. She gives me, since Faith isn't looking, snide look. Yeah, 'cause she's so much better then us just because she's straight. Sometimes I really, really hate this town. The only republican county in all of California and we decide that this is the perfect place for us. Sometimes I wonder why we all don't just move somewhere else.

So the nurse helps Faith into the chair, Matthew asking a million questions about why there are stirrups to put your legs. I just tell him it's because the daughter might need to take a closer look at Mama and he looks over at Faith with a little bit of sympathy, I think. I can't really tell because I'm not really paying attention. I'm too busy listening to the remark that this nurse is making to my fiancé. It makes my blood boil just a little bit. She's asking Faith about the paternity of the baby, which is something we have no idea how to explain. So Faith simply says that it's none of her business, which it isn't. Then she gives Faith this 'all knowing look' and I can tell that my baby girl wants to hit this bitch just as badly as I do. But we remain calm because we're not about to let some close-minded nurse get the best of us. After she helps Faith get comfortable in the chair she tells us the doctor will be in a couple of minutes and then leaves. And thank God she does because she was really starting to damper on this good mood I'm in.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Lehane, Ms. Summers." He nods his head as he says his hellos and we say hi back. He also says high to Matthew but he's being really quiet for some reason. We don't say anything about the nurse to him even though we should. We like this doctor, we don't want to ruin it. I don't know if he accepts our lifestyle or not but he hasn't said anything about it and he's really friendly to us so we don't want him to be rude to us. Even though the nurse was rude first. He puts her chart down on the counter and then puts on the latex gloves. Faith gets a little nervous and I gently rub the back of her hand with my thumb. "So, how are things coming along? Morning sickness gone away yet?" He smiles a little bit and Faith just rolls her eyes a little. She was so happy the morning she didn't throw up.

"Yes, thank God. Things are going great. Boobs are starting to hurt a little more though." Worst then before but she's taking it in stride. He explains that it's because she's developing the colostrum and that there could be some discharge but that's normal and we shouldn't panic. She made a weird face and I can tell that she wanted to make a sarcastic remark but she kept quiet. What is it with these two and being unusually quiet today? Maybe Mercury is in retrograde or something, maybe there's going to be another apocalypse and this is the first sign of it. I'm only joking, I don't really thing that, but it is strange how quiet they're being. Then he pulls out the tube of jelly and pulls over the ultrasound machine and she lifts up her shirt so that her stomach is completely exposed.

"Ok, this might be a little cold." He says and then squeezes out a large amount of the jelly onto her belly. She squeaks, yes Faith squeaked, it was the cutest little sound ever. Anyway she squeaked and moved around a little bit and he smiled. He turned on the machine and put the little probey thing on Faith's stomach and started to move it around. We both stared up at the screen and waited. She kept moving around a little bit because of the cold jelly but she calmed down after a couple of minutes. We could hear the sounds of the heartbeat before we saw the image. For some reason it was taking a little longer for the image to come up on the screen. "Aw, there it is." We looked a little more closely and we could clearly see the head of the little baby, and then the arms and the torso and the stomach and legs. Oh my God, our little baby is a thumb sucker.

"Mommy, I wanna see too." Matthew says and pulls on my pant leg. I bend down and pick him up and situate him on my hip so that we can both see the monitor. I look on and watch as the little baby moves around a little bit as the doctor gently presses down on Faith's belly. I take her by the hand again and she kisses my knuckles again. The doctor starts talking but I'm not really paying attention, although I probably should. Hmm, maybe that would be a good idea. He is talking about my baby after all.

"The heart beat's strong, everything looks perfect. Would you like to know the sex?" I look into Faith's eyes and she smiles a little bit. Of course we want to know the sex of the little baby. That's the main reason why we came here. The health is also high on the list but we really wanna know what we're getting. Faith looks over at the doctor and nods her head yes. The way the baby is resting its legs you can't really tell what it is. I will love the moment when I can stop referring to our baby as 'it', I hate doing that, it's a little person not an object. He starts to gently press on her belly again to try and manipulate the baby to move. It takes a couple of minutes, the baby is already as stubborn as its mother and by mother I mean Faith, but it finally moves its legs around. The doctor has to get close up to the screen to tell but then he finally announces it. Which is good because I'm getting a little impatient. "She's a healthy little girl." I smile really wide. A girl, a little tiny girl that is going to be mercilessly spoiled and we are going to play dress up, I don't care if she fights against it, she's going to play dress up.

"See Mattie," Faith says and points to the screen. "That's your little sister." I look over at him and he has a little bit of a frown on his face as he looks at the screen. She sees it too. "What's the matter? Why you frownin like that?" Her tone is light which is good. He shifts around in my arms a little bit and he doesn't look away from the screen as he continues to stare at the image of the little baby. Finally he looks away and looks over at Faith. His frown grows a little bit and he looks down at her belly.

"I wanted a little brother." We all kind of laugh when he says that. Typical little boy. I guess Faith kind of got him liking the idea of a little brother that he'd be able to wrestle with and stuff like that. I told her she shouldn't have made it sound so appealing, but whatever. He'll just have to get used to the fact that she's a girl because it's not like we can change it now. "Why are you laughing? I really wanted a little brother." He sighs heavily and starts to toy with the short hair on my arms. I hate it when he does that. "But I guess a sister is fine. Kyle just said that they're pains in the butt." I shake my head a little bit. Not only does Dawn fill his head with stuff that shouldn't be there but now Kyle is too? But, then again, they are. Sisters are pains in the ass, I know from experience. You have no idea how annoying it was when Dawn would shadow me around like a little stalker.

"They can be, but only sometimes. I'm sure you two will have a lot of fun together," I tell him and he sighs again. Good thing he has Tucker to wrestle and pal around with because I really don't see Matthew joining any tea parties anytime soon. I really want Faith to be in one though, I think that would be so cute so watch. After watching the baby for a couple more minutes the doctor shuts off the machine and then hands Faith some paper towels to wipe off the jelly stuff. I know that as soon as she gets home she's going to jump in the shower. I couldn't stand that stuff either, she practically had to hold me down when I got it done. I only had one ultrasound just to make sure that everything was ok but unfortunately it was before the sex of the baby could be determined and like I said before we all thought that I was going to have a girl so we went ahead and bought all of this girly stuff. I feel bad for just throwing it all out because now we have to buy all new stuff. Anyway, we thank the doctor and then we leave.

And I was right, as soon as I get the door unlocked she makes a mad dash for the shower. I shake my head a little bit as I walk through the door. I drop the keys onto the little side table that we have next to the door and then I close and lock it. Matthew ran off as soon as he stepped into the house. I think he went to the backdoor to let Tucker inside, I'm not sure. I'm still in a little bit of a daze. A girl, a little girl. We're having a little girl. I'd feel the same way if we were having a boy, so don't get me wrong. But a girl. A little tiny baby doll that I can dress up, oh, the dresses and the skirts and the different hair styles. I just can't wait. I never got to have my dress up time because Matthew is content with just blue jeans and a t-shirt, he could care less about his clothes. That's either a little boy thing or he gets it from Faith, I'm not sure which, I think it might be a mixture of both.

So now it's bedtime at the Summers-Lehane household. I can't wait until it's just the Lehane home, but I really do want to wait until we get married. Like I said maybe a two or three years after the baby is born...oh, she can be the little flower girl in a pretty white dress with little dress shoes and carry a little basket filled with rose petals. Her hair could be put back in pigtails with little white bows. Oh, just the thought is getting me all giddy. But we'll just have to wait because she isn't going to be two years old for a long time. I've already decided that Matthew is going to be the ring bearer. He'll look so handsome in a little tux. He'll be...give me a second I need to do the math...seven or eight depending on when we get married. All of the little girls are going to be all over him when he gets older, I already know that. He's going to be the heartbreaker of the century. And if our little girl is anything like Faith then so will she. Those boys won't even know what hit 'em. Hmm, maybe that's not such a good thing after all. I really hope she doesn't inherit my knack for getting into relationships that are doomed from the beginning. I really hope my kids have better luck then that.

I hear Faith sigh and I turn around in my seat. I'm sitting at the vanity table and brushing my hair as I think about all of those things that you just read. She's lying on her back in the middle of the bed and staring up at the ceiling. She has that 'what the hell am I going to do?' look on her face. My eyebrows crinkle a little bit. I wonder what she's thinking about. I stop brushing my hair and set the brush down on the table and walk over to the bed. I crawl onto it and give Faith's stomach a little kiss over her shirt and then lie down next to her. I kiss the little crinkle of skin that her scrunched eyebrows have made, ya know, that little spot right between her eyes? Anyway, I give that a little kiss and then rest my head on the pillow and look over at her. I start to gently rub her stomach without really being aware that I'm doing it. I've been doing that a lot lately, sometimes it drives her crazy.

"We're having a girl." She finally spoke, but unlike me she doesn't sound too happy about it. Um, ok, this is new. She was thrilled about the idea of a girl. Or was she just pretending because she saw how excited I got? I hate it when she's able to fool me like that. "How are we gonna protect her?" Ok, I'm confused. She's not making any sense. But she looks like she's in one of those moods where she's just going to talk about what she's thinking whether I'm listening or not. She does that sometimes, it's weird, I'll walk into the bedroom and she'll be talking to herself...I think we're both a little crazy. "We can slay all the vampires, kill all the demons, teach her not to talk to strangers and to do the right thing, but, one day she's gonna get her heart broken by a guy...how are we supposed to protect her from that?" Ok, I get what she's saying now. This is the kind of thing that I don't like to think about because it's depressing.

"We can't protect her from something like that Faith. Everyone has to go through it. Even Matthew is going to get his heartbroken one day. I'm not too sure how boys deal with it, I'll have to talk to Xander on that one, or maybe Kyle I don't know. But with her, we'll just help her deal." She gives out this little 'but how?' and I barely hear it, but I do. I sigh heavily and I think about how I'm going to word this. I'm still not too sure but I can't just leave her question unanswered. I have a small feeling that Faith didn't get over her first big heartbreak in a healthy way because if she did then I don't think she'd be feeling so...lost? I'm not sure. "We don't let her withdraw, not completely. We'll give her her space and let her wallow for a couple of days, but it's important that she talks about it because if she holds all of it inside..." I can't help but think about when I had to kill Angel. My first big heartbreak. If we have a third kid I'm going to carry it because a pregnant Faith is a depressing Faith. Ok, that's a little mean to say, but it's sort of true. Oh well. "It'll take lots of time but she'll get over it." Ok, time to lighten the mood because this is getting too heavy. "All we have to do is make sure her first love isn't a two hundred year old vampire who takes her virginity and then tries to kill all of her friends." I laugh a little bit, but it's forced and Faith tenses up a little. "What?"

"I'm gonna kill the boy that takes that from her." I can't help the little chill that crawls down my spine because I can tell that she's serious. At least right now she's serious. I doubt she will really kill the boy that is our daughter's first. At least I don't think she will. She wouldn't, would she? We'll just have to deal with that when it happens. I don't even want to think about it now because I'll just get freaked out. It's going to happen, we can't stop it. All we can hope for is that she's safe about it and it's with a boy that is respectable and will treat her right. I can't help but smile a little bit, it's time to really lighten the mood now because this is getting depressing.

"What if she waits until she's married?" She looks over at me with this 'don't mess with me right now' sort of look. I can't help but smile. At least it isn't as tense anymore. I get under the covers but Faith just lays there, staring up at the ceiling and she starts to rub her belly. I smile at the sight of it. Who ever would of thought of a pregnant Faith? I mean, back in high school I worried about her getting pregnant because she slept around, at least that's what she made everyone believe. I'm not so sure if she did or not. But I still worried about her. And now look at her. She's so beautiful and she's come so far from where she used to be. I can't help but feel proud of her. I can't help it, I just do. "Have you thought of any names?" We haven't talked about the name since that night in the bathroom. I love the name Addison Kristine but I don't know if she feels the same. I mean, her mom wasn't the nicest person and I get that Faith can't help but love her, she's her mom, ya know? But maybe the circumstances were supposed to be different. Maybe I wasn't supposed to tell her about the dream and now that she knows the name she wants to change it? God, I'm paranoid, aren't I? Was I always like this? Don't answer that.

"Addison Kristine. I'm sorry if you had something else in mind but that's her name. It wouldn't feel right if we named her something else. I don't know about her last name. I mean, you are her 'father', I guess, so do we name her Summers, or just keep it simple and make it Lehane? I mean, Mattie's last name is Lehane, won't things get kind of confusing and a little more complicated to explain if the last names are different?" I never actually thought about it until now. I just assumed the last name would be Lehane, but she's right, I am the 'father' and traditionally the baby's last name is the father's. But then again this is in no way a traditional pregnancy. I look down at the ring on my finger and I smile a little. I put my hand over the one on her stomach and entwine our fingers.

"Well, I think it would be better if it were Lehane, I mean when we get married that's going to be my last name to." She looks over at me with some surprise. Did she think I was going to keep my last name? We're getting married, I know this isn't traditional but the bride usually takes the husbands last name, and Faith has already made it very clear that she's going to be the groom. I think she just wants to see me in a white dress. I know that she's going to wear a tux, I can't wait. She's going to look so dashing. "You didn't think that I was going to?" She shakes her head no but she remains quiet. What is it with her and Matthew being so quiet today? Did they eat something that had gone bad or something? "Well I am. I want to be Mrs. Lehane. I might leave the last name, ya know, I could be known as Buffy Ann Summers-Lehane, just add a hyphen, but I want the Lehane to be there. I want the world to know that I married the woman I'm madly in love with." She smiles and I lean over and give her a kiss. She gets up off of the bed and turns out the overhead light and then the lamp next to her side of the bed. She crawls under the covers and we cuddle as we fall asleep.

FPOV

Oh my God, you would not believe how good this feels. I really wish you were me right now so you'd be able to feel this. I mean, I never fuckin knew that a person could get so much pleasure from eating ice cream. Who knew, huh? I scoop out another spoonful and moan as I let it melt in my mouth. This is weird, I don't even like strawberries, but lately all I want to eat is strawberry ice cream. This is just the latest phase I've been going through. In the beginning it was fried foods, all kinds, not just fried chicken like Buffy thinks. But I didn't eat any of it because fried food is really bad in general but for a pregnant woman...I really didn't want my baby to be born and then have to have open heart surgery to remove the large clog of fat in her heart. But that was just the beginning.

After the fried food phase I was hit with the huge craving for peaches. It was really weird, but I would eat like five peaches a day. It drove Buffy insane, mostly because I would just leave the pits on the coffee table and then go take a nap. Sleep was another thing, I never knew being pregnant could make you so tired. Anyway, after the peach fiasco was the watermelon stage, and then there was the fuji apple period, and lets not forget the...and I cringe...sliced tomatoes with salt. That one was horrible because I don't like eating raw tomatoes by themselves but this kid is just really weird I guess. She must get that from Buffy. Anyway, after the tomatoes came the raw hotdogs dipped in mustard and now it's strawberry ice cream, straight from the carton because I can and have eaten half pints of this stuff in one sitting. Buffy doesn't want me to do that, says it isn't good for me or the baby but she never got really bad food cravings when she was pregnant.

I take another bite of the ice cream and swirl it around in my mouth. Is it possible for someone to get sexual pleasure just from eating? Because I think it's happening to me. God, this is really good. Aw, the baby's moving around again. She must like this too. There are only two times when she gets really active and one of them is when I'm around food or eating, well that's two there but there's another one. The other time she gets super active is after Buffy and I have sex. I think it's really weird. I tried to hold out for a while, went an entire week and a half without sex because the thought of her being able to feel the pleasure, if that's what was happening, really creeped me out. But I just get so worked up, and so does Buffy. We're still as horny as teenagers and our libidos are showing no sign of slowing down, which is perfectly ok with me.

"Faith, I'm back!" Oh shit, Buffy's home! I put the ice cream back in the freezer, spoon and all, and I run into the bedroom as silently as I can. I'm not moving as fast as I used to, but when you're only two weeks away from your due date I guess that's to be expected. That's right kids, I'm going to be going through the joy of labor in a couple of weeks. Buffy had me watch some video on it just to remind me of what it's going to be like. The video was basically just a home movie some husband shot and then sent in to the production company of his wife screaming for half an hour straight as she tries to push this kid out of her. This is after she had been in labor for fifteen hours, she didn't get an epidural or anything and watching her go through that made me wanna just get a c-section. And what was this video called you might be asking: The Joy of Childbirth. Strangely I didn't feel the joy. And besides, I already know what to expect, Buffy broke five bones in my left hand while she pushed our boy out of her, not only that but I felt what was happening to her, just a tiny fraction of it, but it still hurt like a motherfucker.

"There you are gorgeous. What are you doing inside on a day like this?" She's standing in the doorway looking like a little minx. I know that look in her eyes...she wants me to go shopping with her. I already went shopping with her two weeks ago, and I really don't wanna go again. She said we wouldn't be out for very long, just one store, that we'd be in and out in no time. We went to seven different stores and spent over three hundred dollars on stuff for the baby. Addison is going to be spoiled, probably just as spoiled as Mattie was, still is as a matter of fact. So there's no way I'm going shopping with her. She slowly walks towards the bed, putting an extra sway to her step. No, I can't let my hormones get the better of me, I won't let that happen, not again. Last time she did this she got me all worked up and she kept teasin, ya know, she'd rub soft little circles around my entrance but she wouldn't just go inside. Not until I promised her that I would go to the ptm that Friday. And of course I did, I was way too turned on for her to just walk away. Damn pregnancy hormones. "I was thinking...since we have this whole big house to ourselves..." Mattie's at Dawn's house, on a little play date with Kyle's niece. "That maybe...we could go out to the kitchen..." She gets this devilish grin on her face. She crawls up the bed and kneels by me on her knees and she starts to unbutton her shirt. "And I can have you for lunch." Nope, she's not going to manipulate me. I won't let her. Oh God, she's wearing the pink lacy underwear...I love it when she wears the pink lacy underwear.

"Well..." She leans down and starts to nibble on my earlobe. She holds it between her teeth and gently pulls on it and then teases the bottom of it with the tip of her tongue. What was I going to say? I can't think...somethin about not doin something...or was it...Oh God she's licking my neck. She kisses me and I deepen it. I swirl my tongue around hers and then she pulls back. What the fuck? Is she teasing again? No, she looks a little mad, so she isn't teasing. Wait...why does she look mad? I didn't do anything, I was just sitting here, I only said one word. What the fuck did I do to piss her off?

"How much ice cream did you have?" Oh, right...I forgot about that. Lets see, how much ice cream did I have while she was gone. Hmm, she was gone for one hour and fifteen minutes, I was watching the clock, and there was the strawberry Ben and Jerry's, and then there was the Haagan-Dazs, and then the Crystal. Wow, I guess that is a lot, three containers in one hour and I was working on the fourth when she walked in. Maybe I do need to stop eating it for a while. But she doesn't understand how badly I need it. The cravings are just too much to take. But I have to answer her sooner or later, and the longer I wait the angrier she gets.

"Just the strawberry." She looks at me with this 'and how many strawberries?' We stocked the freezer yesterday with strawberry ice cream, we bought fifteen containers...there's only six left. "Not a lot." That doesn't seem to be the answer she wants either. Why does she do this? She gets me all worked up and then she starts the interrogation. Does she not know how hot she is when she's pissed? I mean, back in Sunnydale I used to like to be the one in charge, but Buffy's really hot when she gets commanding. You have no idea what nasty things used to run through my mind when we were teens and sitting in the library and coming up with a plan to kill the next group of demons and she would take control and start giving orders...I think one time I actually fell over in my chair because I was leaning back in it with my feet up on the table and I got so lost in this one fantasy that I'm not gonna tell you about but it involved some ice cubes, handcuffs and a bear skin rug, anyway, I got so lost in this fantasy that I stopped paying attention to what was happening and I fell over backwards. Luckily only Red was in the room or else my image would have been ruined for life.

"Look, B." She takes in a deep breath and sits down and folds her arms across her chest. She looks pretty pissed off and right now I just want her to throw me down and have her way with me. "You know the cravings are really bad. You don't really get it because you didn't get this bad with Mattie, but they're really bad. It's worst then when I quit smoking." You have no idea how much I want a fucking cigarette. Every single day I have these cravings to just light one up but I can't. I'm not sure if I'm going to start smoking again after she's born, I'll think about it when we get there. "I'll try to eat less but I'm telling you those cravings are wicked strong." She finally gives up the mad act and lays down on the bed. I lay down next to her and she looks over at me.

"They must be bad if you say they're worst then the cigarette cravings. You almost cried every day because you couldn't have any." Shut up, I was emotional. "And now that you quit I don't want you to start again." Ok, I said that her being commanding was sexy, but I meant in a more 'shut up and bend over' type of way. I sigh heavily and look over at her. I hate that I can't roll over onto my side. I can't wait for the day until I can finally lay on my stomach. I hate lying on my back unless I have to. "I mean, you don't wanna get lung cancer and leave me a widow to raise our children, do you?" Oh God, not with that again. She brings the kid, well it is kids now because of little Addison, every time she tries to convince me to stop smoking.

"Buffy, I've survived some of the worst beatings I'll ever get." I'm talking about the ones from her, not from my mom. "I woke up from a coma I wasn't supposed to wake up from." A flash of guilt crosses her face but then it goes away. "I survived an L.A. prison and the battle against the ultimate evil. We're the Chosen Two, we've been through more then anyone else will ever go through. I don't think something like smoking is gonna-" I stop talking when I feel something warm and wet come out of me. I look down at there's liquid all over the bed and me. What the fuck? This is a brand new skirt and now it's completely ruined, yes Buffy convinced me to start wearing skirts until the baby is born that way it won't be so messy when...Oh my God my water just broke! But why? I'm not due for another two weeks? Is there something wrong? Oh God, pain, pain, pain, pain. I think I'm having a...what the fuck are they called? A contraction? Yeah, I think I'm having one of those. "Oh FUCK!" I scream and grab onto my stomach. I close my eyes and breathe really hard. Make it stop, make it stop! Just breathe...inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale. This isn't working! Ok, it's going away...thank God. I open my eyes and Buffy is on the phone, what the fuck is she doing?

"Yeah Dawn, I know it's gross, but will you just keep Matthew for a while longer? Well I don't know, it's not like she's taking a timed test, this isn't something that can be predicted. I know what Cordelia said, but it isn't like she saw the whole thing, just some of the end result. Ok, thank you. I'll call you when we get her in a room. I don't know, I'll think about it. I love you too, bye." Then she hangs up the phone and runs over to the closet. She pulls out another one of those evil skirts. There's no way in hell I'm changing into that. Nope. Well, I guess she has other ideas because without even askin my permission she lifts me up off of the bed and takes off both my skirt and underwear and then slips me into this light blue one. Oh well. Hey, this makes my legs look killer, maybe I should start wearing more skir-OH FUCK!

"Oh my God! Holy shit! Buffy make it stop!" she holds onto my hand and I squeeze as hard as I can. God this hurts so bad and it's just one of those bastard contractions. I don't even want to imagine what the actual delivery is going to be like. I close my eyes again and every color on the face of this earth passes through my mind, and then everything goes black as the pain peaks. Ok, it's starting to go down again. Oh, thank God. Ok, I need to get to the hospital and then I need to get an epidural. That's what I'm gonna do. "Hospital, we need to get to the hospital." Like she doesn't know. She's already picking me up off of the bed. She sets me down on the couch and then starts running around the house like a chicken with its head cut off. She's grabbing her purse, and then she runs back into the bedroom because she forgot the suitcase that we packed last week for when I go into labor. Man, I'd really wish she'd hurry up. Ok, now that she has all of the shit gathered up she's...running outside to the car. Oh well, I'm not having a contraction at the moment so I don't see the problem with me walking. I stand up and start for the door. I get halfway there when I realize the reason why women in labor always get put in wheelchairs when they arrive at the hospital.

"Motherfucker!" I scream out as my knees buckle and I fall to the floor. I try to brace myself but the pain is just so blinding that I can't really focus on that. Luckily I land on my ass. I lay down on my back and continue to scream as I try to ride out this contraction. Why are they so close together? And these have got to be a record or something. There is no woman on this earth who has been in this much pain before. No fucking way, I now hold the God damn title for that. Buffy rushes into the room and instantly falls to my side. I can feel her touchin me, trying to make sure I'm ok. Ok? Do I look like I'm fucking ok to you? This is worst then anything I've ever felt before. I'd rather have Buffy run another fucking knife through my belly then be doing this right now. And I'm sweating. Just great, I'm going to show up at that hospital and smell so fucking bad. "Buffy, please, make it stop." I can't help but cry, and I feel stupid for doing it. Women have been doing this since the dawn of time. I'm a fucking slayer, and a badass one at that, I should at least be able to get through this.

"Shh, baby, everything's gonna be alright. I promise. Just hold my hand." I grab onto her hand and hold it tightly. If I'm not careful I might break a couple of bones. But, weirdly, that doesn't really seem like a high priority right now. We are going to a hospital after all, and a couple broken hand bones will only take like a day or two to heal because of her slayer healing. Finally, the pain goes away. She picks me up off of the ground and carries me out to the car. She gently sets me down in the backseat, why I don't know, and then she jumps in the driver's seat and takes off. I'm breathing harder now and the car isn't moving anymore. Why isn't the car moving? What is she doing?

"Buffy, go faster, what the fuck are you doing?" I don't mean to be a bitch but you'd probably be pissed off to if you were in this much pain and the person who is supposed to be taking you to the epidural is just sitting there. She says something about heavy traffic or something like that but I can't really concentrate because I'm hit with another contraction. This one isn't as bad as the others. I just cry out, I don't say anything. My breathing is still really hard and I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded, and I'm thinking that maybe it's a bad thing. "Please, please just get me there." I can't stand being like this. I hate begging, but if it'll get me to the hospital and the epidural then I'll beg to whoever I have to. The car starts to move but she isn't going very fast. I open my eyes and see that she's maneuvering through all of the traffic, why did I have to go into labor on a Friday during rush hour traffic? And she parks the car next to the sidewalk and turns it off. "What are you doing?" She doesn't answer me as she pulls the keys out of the ignition and puts them in her purse. Then she grabs her purse and gets out of the car. She better not be doing what I think she's doing. Then she opens up my door and unbuckles my seat belt and picks me up. Ok, so she isn't just leaving me, but what is she doing?

"The hospital isn't far from here. Try not to move around too much and I can carry you there." Good plan, that's a really good plan and no I'm not being sarcastic. This traffic isn't going to be moving anytime soon and if I don't get any type of numbness and quickly things could get deadly. She starts to jog towards the hospital, jogging, yeah right like I'm going to let her do that. I start yelling at her to go faster but she doesn't. Then I'm hit with a contraction and I think I just went blind the pain is so bad. I bite down on her shoulder because there's nothing else I can do. I think that motivates her a little because she's running a lot faster now. It only takes her a couple minutes to reach the hospital and she runs into the large sliding doors. "I need help over here, she's in labor!" Yeah, yell right in my fucking ear that's really what I need right now. A nurse runs up to us with a wheelchair and Buffy puts me down. I don't want her to do that, I don't feel so safe anymore.

"No, no. Pick me up again, please." I know I sound like a little kid but I don't fucking care. I'm in pain, I'm sweating worst then the time I had food poisoning, and I just want her to hold me. But she doesn't. She convinces me to stay in the chair and she wheels me over to the elevators. The nurse starts asking her a bunch of questions but I don't listen. I just want it to stop. But as much as I hate this pain, as much as I'd rather just be lying in my own bed or eating the rest of the strawberry ice cream, I'm a little excited, I can't help but feel that way because I'm having my baby! Not right this second, but you know what I mean. But like I said the excitement and happiness is extremely small because I think I'm gonna die. Buffy fills out some papers and gets me checked in, and then I'm wheeled into a room and changed into one of those stupid hospital gowns. Then they hook me up to a couple of machines, some of them are to make sure I'm ok, the others are for the baby. "Epidural now. Someone get me a fucking epidural!" Buffy walks over to my bedside and starts to stroke my sweaty hair.

"Faith, we talked about this last night, we agreed that you wouldn't get one because they prolong the labor." I want to laugh, I want to cry, I want to kill something, I just want a fucking epidural. I just want to make this horrible pain stop. I'm about to say something but then another contraction hits. I throw my head back and start to scream. Buffy holds onto my hand and I squeeze really hard. "Faith, baby, you're doing so good. Come on, just a couple more seconds. You're doing great." I can hear her through the pain but it doesn't really mean anything. I just have to sit here and take this, I hate it more then you'll ever know. "There, it's all over. Just try and relax." Relax? Ha, she should do stand up comedy because that's a fucking funny joke. A nurse comes into the room holding a cup. She hands it to me and I look down at it. What the fuck am I supposed to do with a cup of ice chips?

"I don't want ice, get me a fucking epidural!" I scream and throw the cup at her. She doesn't look too happy about that but I don't fucking care. "It's too much, I didn't think it'd be this fucking bad. I need it Buffy, please, just make it go away." Then another nurse comes into the room and you wanna know what she does? Well she says something about checking on something, but I'm not really paying attention to it. Then she goes down to the foot of my bed and lifts up the blankets. Now she's touching my vagina like I gave her permission or some shit like that. I start moving around and kicking my feet a little. "What the fuck are you doing? Get your fucking hands off me!" She looks up at me like she's all offended or something, but what-the-fuck-ever, I don't care, she's not the one in pain right now.

"I told you, I need to see how dilated you are. Now please just hold still, this will only take a minute." So I lay still but only because I don't have the energy to fight her anymore. "Ok, you're five centimeters dilated, that's good. Now, do you really want an epidural?" I nod my head yes without anymore thought. She nods her head a little bit and then writes some stuff down on my chart. "Ok, I'll send in the anesthesiologist. And you're doctor will be in shortly." Like I care, just get me an epidural! She leave the room and that leaves me and Buffy alone. I don't' know if she's pissed at me because I'm getting an epidural or not but I don't really care at the moment. She doesn't say anything to me though as she gets up and walks over to the wall. Apparently the room has a phone and she's using it to call somebody, probably Dawn or Willow, possibly Xander. I lay back and close my eyes. I didn't even get to finish that pint of strawberry ice cream. And Buffy was teasing and I didn't get any head. God this sucks.

"Ow! Mother fucking son of a bitch!" This one is worst then the rest. Buffy drops the phone and is at my side in an instant. A nurse comes into the room as well but I don't pay attention. I just close my eyes and wait for it to go away. I hear the nurse say something about not pushing but I don't pay attention, I just want this over with. I hear Buffy couching me on and the nurse as well, but I'm not paying attention to it. Then finally the pain starts to go away and I collapse onto the bed. When did I sit up? Oh well, don't want to think about that now, just want my drugs. When is that guy going to get here? Then the doctor walks in, with a smile on his face. What the fuck is he so happy about? I wish I had that cup of ice chips, I'd throw it at him.

"Well, nice to see you Faith, although it is a little soon." I go to speak but Buffy gently squeezes my hand and I remain silent. "Let's take a look see." And just like the nurse he pulls up the blankets to get his eye full. I just look up at the ceiling and I ignore what he's doing. "Five and a half centimeters, that's good. Now, the baby is two weeks early but there shouldn't be anything to worry about. This is your first pregnancy so premature labor isn't uncommon. We will be monitoring her a little more closely just to be sure, but like I said everything should be fine." I don't like the way he's wording this. So there could be something wrong with my baby? Is that what he's trying to say? A smaller contraction hits and I grab onto Buffy's hand. This one only lasts a couple of seconds and my breathing slows down a little quicker. "I know you wanted an epidural." I do not like where this is going. "But unfortunately our only anesthesiologist is out sick. I called the one over at Redding Medical but he's in a surgery right now and can't leave. So unfortunately you'll just have to deal without one." What the fuck did he just tell me? Unfortunately for him another contraction just hit.

"Oh my God! Get me a fucking epidural you son of bitch! I'll fucking kill you if you don't! Someone get me a fucking epidural!" I continue to scream and yell as I ride out the contraction. So much pain, so blinding. I just wanna die. You have no idea how bad this hurts. But then it goes away and I lay back on my bed. Please, someone kill me, please, please, please. He goes back under my blankets and checks me again. This is getting really old really fast. He says something about being six centimeters and if I keep going at this rate then I should be ready to deliver the baby in a couple of hours. He signs something on the paper and then leave the room. I feel Buffy start to stroke my hair and I look over at her. She smiles a little bit, she better not be enjoying this. "What are you smiling at?" Like I said before, it's really hard to be nice when you're in so much pain. But she doesn't look upset by it at all. Which is good because the last thing I want to do is fight with her while I'm in labor.

"Faith, you're going to give birth to our baby. I know it hurts worst then anything you've ever experienced, but you've got to be a little excited. She's coming out today. Our little baby is going to join the world." I smile a little, just one corner of my mouth kind of curves up a little. That is a happy thing but again, happiness hard to accomplish when this much pain is being had. "You're so beautiful, I love you so much." She leans over and kisses me on the lips. I kiss her back a little because all I really wanna do is go to sleep. Now that the contractions are over I'm really tired and sleep seems like the best thing to do. But I know I can't. I hate hospitals, the last thing I'm going to do in one is sleep. I might not wake up again. So I just close my eyes and hold onto Buffy's hand and gently rub my thumb over the back of hers. I don't know how much time passes, but there's a knock on the door and then it opens.

"I hope you feel like visitors." I open my eyes and give Red this nasty death glare. But she ignores it, I guess she's expecting me to be the world's biggest bitch. And I know she's just enjoying this to her little heart's content. Kennedy walks into the room and I'm expecting to get some lip from her. She better be careful because I'm in the killing type of mood. "So Faith, how are you feeling?" There's just a little bit of laughter in her voice and when I look over at her she's trying not to smile. Yep, it's official, Willow only exists to annoy the hell out of me.

"Fuck you Red." I saw and then close my eyes again. I feel Buffy start to stroke my arm and she apologizes to Willow about my behavior. I hear Kennedy laugh a little bit and without even opening my eyes I tell her, "And if you say one God damn word about this I swear to every fucking god and goddess out there that I'll rip your fucking spine out with my bare hands." That stops the laughter right away. A little while later a nurse comes in to check on the stupid thing in me that's dilating or whatever. She says that I'm seven centimeters so they're going to be watching me a little more closely. And get this, she actually says I'm lucky because things are moving along so fast. It must be a slayer thing because they said the same thing about Buffy. So hopefully I'll give birth by nightfall that way I can get a good night's sleep. I hate the sun shining through the curtains when I'm trying to sleep, this way I won't have to deal with that. I hear Kennedy start to talk and I cut her off. "One fucking word and I swear I'll fucking kill you where you stand." She stops talking which is good for her because I meant what I said.


	11. Happy Birthday, Baby

**The Same Day.** FPOV

I slowly open my eyes and look around. I've been in this stupid room for over seven hours now. I hate it in here already. Buffy left a little while ago. She went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. I want to be alone for a little while so it's good that she left. I don't know why, it must be one of those natural instincts or something but I just wanna lie down in a small dark space and be completely by myself. I never got the epidural, but that's ok. I haven't had a contraction in over four hours. I'm still seven centimeters dilated and am showing no signs of moving forward. It's like the labor is on pause or something. Like she decided that today isn't the day she wants to be born. I can't be in this bed anymore, I need to get up, and I wanna walk around. So, that's what I'll do. Even if I am pregnant it's not like any of these people can fuckin stop a slayer if she really wants to do something.

So I unhook myself from the heart monitor things but I leave in the IV because that stung a little when they put it in and I don't want to go through that again. So I grab onto the pole thing that has the IV bag thing and drag it as I go towards the door. Thank God it has wheels on the bottom because I really don't want to carry it around. So I walk to the door and open it. I have no idea where I'm going I just don't want to be in here anymore. I need to get out and walk around, I just need to. And that's just great. Kennedy is standing outside the door. It looks like she was going to walk into the room but because big fat me was is standing in the way she can't. Now she's going to lecture me on getting out of bed because I'm just some fragile thing. Why the fuck is she smiling? And is that…she's handing me some ice cream. Mmm, strawberry, yummy.

"Feeling anxious huh?" She smiles and I nod my head. She hands me the ice cream cone and I start to eat away. Mmmm, this is so good. Not as good as the Ben and Jerry's at home but it's ok. We start to walk down the hall and we must look like a weird lookin pair. Well, I probably look weird. A pregnant woman walking around in a hospital gown, pulling an IV stand and eating an ice cream. Oh yeah, I just scream sexy kitten, don't I? "I sort of know what you're goin through. I haven't had any kids, obviously, but I have a pretty big family, and I've seen at least ten births in my lifetime. The walking helps to kind of move things along I guess. I'll just run for dear life if Buffy sees us." I laugh and we walk by the large window where they have all of the babies out on display. Why do they do that? It's like they just put them up for show or something? Yeah they're cute and everyone loves babies, but they are people, how would you like to be stared and gawked at after a traumatic experience? But we stand there and watch them move around and the nurse feeds one of them. I see one little boy in the very back, he looks almost exactly like Mattie when he was first born. He was so...well funny looking is the right word. He was wrinkly and he only had a couple strands of hair, the rest of it was like this fuzz, kind of like the fuzz of a peach.

We sort of skipped over a lot of stuff huh? Ok, well since I'm having this really long moment of silence with Kennedy I might as well fill ya in on what's been happenin in Shasta Lake. In the beginning of June Mattie was let out of school for summer vacation. We went on a camping trip in the middle of June. We only went for a weekend but it was fun. I taught Mattie and Buffy how to fish, that was something to see. Mattie did ok after about ten minutes of practice but Buffy just couldn't get it down. She got frustrated and went back to the RV. Yes, we rented an RV, like I'm gonna sleep in a fucking tent when I'm pregnant. Anyway, July rolled around and we celebrated Mattie's sixth birthday. We had the birthday party at this place called Kid's Kingdom. It's like this large outdoor wooden castle like thing that the kids run on and there are ladders to climb up and this one part that you walk under and if you step on the right piece of wood then water comes pouring down onto you. It's really fun...for the kids I mean, it was fun for the kids. Kyle brought his niece who's Mattie's age, and a bunch of kids from his class showed up and there were other kids already there and they played together even though they weren't part of the party. For his birthday me and B got him one of those small electric cars...what are they called? Power Wheels or something like that. It's a red jeep, it's pretty cool. I'm too big to fit in it otherwise I would.

Then August rolled around and Mattie started first grade on the twenty-fifth. He loves his class and likes going to school. Hopefully he's still like that when he reaches junior high and high school. I really don't want him to follow in my tracks and be a drop out. Then again, the circumstances were really different. I didn't have a loving home with parents who are involved with his education and stuff like that. Me and B make sure that we participate in the parental events of the school. Like last month there was this Halloween carnival thing at the school, set up by the parents. We normally try to avoid doing things like that but we were suckered into it. Some parents set up some booths and gave away candy as prizes but B and me were in charge of the 'haunted house'. I don't think they'll be askin us to do anything like that again. I think we went a little too far with it because most of the kids ended up crying, but whatever.

We've also made some more plans about the wedding. It's going to be in the spring, sometime in May. Dawn is going to be the Maid of Honor and she's really excited about it. Willow was only a tiny bit disappointed that she's only one of the bride's maids, but Buffy explained that it's because what she and her mom had planned back in Sunnydale. Willow would never go against something like that she thinks it sweet that Buffy is doing what her mother would have wanted. So, it's going to be in May and we already have this church picked out. I knew that we would have a hard time finding one because hello it's a church and we're a same sex couple, but it turns out that Buffy saved the people who run the church from a group of vampires so they owe her big time. She's still talking with some of the people there about the details and what they're supposed to say because it's not like they can say 'I now pronounce you husband and wife'. But she's getting it worked out. I asked her if she wanted any help with it but she said that she has it all taken care of.

Xander's my best man, but that's sort of a given. I don't have very many friends and I don't really know Kyle well enough so it just made sense that Xander would get the spot. Kyle is an usher though. Kennedy refuses to wear a dress so she's an usher too. And I guess that sort of works out for us. Buffy has Dawn, Willow and Katie, and I have Xander, Kyle and Kennedy. I'm already starting to work on my vows, we've decided to write our own. I know it's going to take me two years to write them. That's when we're having the wedding. She wants Addison to be at least two so she can be a flower girl, and Mattie is going to be the ring bearer. He's really excited because he gets to participate in the wedding. But we still have a lot of things to talk about. Like what's going to be on the menu, what the cake is going to look like, I still need to find out what kind of suite I'm going to wear. I would wear a tux but I can't stand bowties, so I'm going to wear a suite. I just don't know what it's going to look like. Buffy hasn't even thought about the dress yet. She has a good mental image of what she wants but I think she's going to have to go somewhere and get it custom made.

We're holding off on our expenses right now. We're budgeting a lot, which we've never really done before. Giles says that he's going to pay for the entire thing and he doesn't want us to worry about it or hold back on anything. He wants Buffy to have her perfect wedding and he doesn't want anything to be compromised. She feels horrible because we've taken so much from him over the years and so now we're only taking what we need and she hasn't been on a shopping trip in a long time, which is good. Giles is going to fly out from Ohio, along with some of the slayers from the battle with the First and they're invited so it won't be a problem.

Anyway, Giles is going to give Buffy away. She tried contacting her dad but we have no idea where he is. We didn't look very hard but she said that he stopped being her dad a long time ago. So Giles is giving her away because he's more of a dad to her then her real father has been ever since he ran off with the secretary. Giles was there when Mattie was born, he came out to visit when we bought the house, and whenever there's a big event in our lives he's always there to share it with her, like a father should. She called him when we first found out that I was pregnant and she told him that the baby is hers and then she explained a little about the spell that Willow did. He told her to call as soon as I go into labor because he wants to be here. I don't know if she's called or not. I'm sure she has by now but it'll take him a while to get here.

That's pretty much it, not much else has been going on. I've been getting bigger, way bigger. My stomach is three times its normal size and I hate it. I had to buy a whole new wardrobe because I couldn't fit into anything. I cannot wait until I get this kid out of me and I work out and get back into shape. The day I fit back into a pair of leather pants I gonna take Buffy out to that dance club and stay there all night, from opening until closing. And we're going to dance with many different people, not just each other, she's already agreed to it as long as we don't get too grabby with the person we're dancing with. Let's see, what else is going on? Oh right, Giles is starting to talk to Buffy on the phone and over e-mails a lot more. She won't tell me what they talk about, just that there's nothing to worry about and she never looks me in the eye when she says it, so naturally I'm worried. I've overheard a couple of her conversations with him and from what I got from her half of it he's trying to convince her to go to Ohio but she keeps refusing. She says she can't leave because I'm gonna have a baby and she wouldn't miss that for anything. But right now I'm startin to doubt the delivery is ever going to happen, this is taking so damn long.

"So, when are you and Red gonna settle down and have one? I mean, she has all this power, it should be pretty easy for one of you to get knocked up." She doesn't answer my question and I don't wanna push the issue. Mainly because this ice cream is pretty damn distracting, and if she doesn't wanna talk about it then I'm not gonna make her talk about it. I know that Kennedy wants kids, even if she won't say it out loud, I've seen the way she looks at some of the little rugrats down at the playground, like she wishes one of 'em were hers. We stop and sit down for a couple of minutes and I take a couple of deep breaths. I don't feel any different though and this is really starting to piss me off. Why won't she just be born? How come she won't come out? All good things come in time, that's what Buffy would say. She wasn't in labor for this long though. Mattie came quick. I've been waiting for seven hours, and I'm feeling restless.

"We better get back, Buffy's gonna freak if she finds you gone. She knows how much you hate hospitals, she'll probably think you ran away or something." Sounds like a good fuckin idea to me. I hate it here, I can't wait until I get to leave. Hopefully everything will go perfectly and I'll be able to leave in like, what, two days? I think Buffy had to stay for two days, but I'm not entirely sure. So we walk back to my room, I can tell Kennedy is trying not to smile because I can't walk very well I…waddle. Shut up, it isn't funny! We walk into the room and I climb back into the bed. I have no idea what hooks up to where so I just lay there. A nurse walks into the room and gets a little snippy because I went out for a walk but I don't care. He, yes he there is such a thing as a male nurse. Anyway, he hooks the heart monitor back up and the thing that's monitoring the baby. Then he checks me to see how far along I am. Apparently I dilated another half a centimeter. God, this is taking forever. I really wish things would just hurry up.

"Hey baby, how are you feeling?" Buffy asks as she walks back into the room. So I made it back just in the nick of time. I was afraid she'd walk in while that guy was still putting the heart monitor back on. I don't say anything, I just let out a dry sarcastic laugh. She sits down on the bed next to me and holds my hand. I look into her hazel eyes that are so full of concern. I smile a little bit and bring my hand up and cup her cheek. I gently rub the smooth skin with my thumb. She's so amazing, I don't know how she got through this with Mattie. She told me that there's really no way you can be prepared for it, that you just deal with it even if you don't want to because it happens whether you're ready for it or not. "I guess that was pretty dumb question, huh?" I nod my head yes but I don't say anything. Suddenly I don't really feel like talking. It's not Buffy, it's everybody in general. Even if me and Kennedy were still alone I'd probably be giving her the silent treatment too. Then I pull my hand away from her face. I feel this cramp in my stomach, it starts out a little slow, like it's teasing me or something. Then it hits me all at once and I'm screaming and arching my back and digging my nails into the mattress of the bed. From just reading this it almost sounds like I'm describing something good, like a mind-blowing orgasm or something. But I'm not. I'm describing the most painful thing I've ever felt in my entire life.

"Oh my God! FUCK! SON OF A FUCKING BITCH! Make it stop, make it stop!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I feel people all around me, I can hear them moving around and hear them talking but I'm not paying attention to a damn thing they're saying. My eyes are closed tight and I'm starting to strain, pushing I guess but I'm not sure. I just keep on screaming. I'm not saying anything because I can't think to form words and there's no way I can be quiet. My throat feels like the voice box is about to snap but I can't stop screaming, and I can't stop straining. The contraction goes away but I can feel that another one is close.

"She's fully dilated, let's get her to the delivery room." Where the fuck have I been the entire time? Why didn't they just keep me in a delivery room? Are they that fucking stupid? "Faith, honey." I hate it when people I barely know call me a little pet name it pisses me off so fucking much. "Try not to push, ok? I know it hurts." I highly fucking doubt that. "But you have to try and not to push." Ok, ok, so I just won't push. I can do that. OH MY GOD! Ow! Fuck! This one is worst then all of the others and I feel like I'm going to die. I can hear the heart monitor thingy going off the fucking charts. The way it's beeping so fast you'd think I was havin a heart attack or something. I think I'd rather be havin one of those right now. Somehow I really don't think it's as painful. I see Willow out of the corner of my eye and I glare at her, there's no other word for it, just an evil glare.

"You!" I yell and she looks a little surprised. "You fucking did this to me! What is it with you fucking witches and your damn magic? When I get out of here I'm gonna fucking kill you!" I don't mean what I'm sayin, not really. I'm just really pissed off and in pain. Maybe later I'll apologize, if I don't pass out afterwards. This sucks. Finally they wheel me into the other room. Everything in it looks sterile, the lights are really fucking bright. All of the doctor's and nurses are wearing those stupid facemask things, and the latex gloves. Do they think I have some fuckin disease? They're not going to get pregnant by just touching me. Ok, Faith, stay calm. They just don't want to get their disgusting germs all over your baby, that's all. Another contraction, why? Why me? Why, why, why? I hear the doctor telling me to push. "Buffy, I can't do this...I can't. It's too much, just make it stop...I can't." I'm squeezing her hand as hard as I can and she's stroking my hair with her other hand.

"Yes you can Faith. You can do this. I know it hurts baby, it hurts real bad, but you can do this. Come on, baby, push." So I push as hard as I can. I keep pushing and then contraction stops. I lie back on the bed and take in a couple of deep breaths. I'm drenched in sweat, I can feel it all over. I need to get a fucking shower, this is disgusting. I look over at Buffy, I can see the tears in her eyes. Why is she crying? I reach up and wipe one of them away. "That was good, you're so beautiful." Lying to make me feel better, I never knew she would do something like that. What? Again, but that was barely a break, not even two fucking minutes! I start to scream again and everyone in the room is yelling at me to push. So I start pushing as hard as I can, but it's just too...oh my God! Ow, ow, ow! "Come on baby, keep pushing. You're doing so good Faith. Just a little longer. That's it, come on baby." Oh my God her voice is so annoying right now.

"Shut up! Everyone just shut the fuck up! Stop fucking touching me! Get the fuck away from me!" They don't move, they keep touching me but Buffy quiets down a little bit. She's still talking to me though, telling me how beautiful I am and all that other shit. But I just focus on pushing, just keep pushing. Then the contraction stops. I can feel the baby, I think I can feel her. The doctor says something about seein the head and that it'll take just one more push. I lay back and stare up at the ceiling. I try to catch my breath but it's impossible. God, not again. "Fuck! Oh my fucking God!" This is so much worst then all of the others. The rest seem like a day at the beach compared to this. "Mother fucking son of a bitch! God dammit! Make it fuckin stop!" I focus, finally, and start to push as hard as I can. Everyone is telling me 'just hold on Faith' or 'a little more Faith'. 'That's it Faith, keep pushing'. "Shut the fuck up!" Finally it's over. I collapse back onto the bed and breath harder then I've ever breathed before. I hear the sounds of my daughter's very first cries. Damn, she has a set of lungs on her.

"Congratulations, you got yourself a little girl." No fucking shit, we already knew that. I look up and see that Buffy is wearing one of those ugly smock lookin things. They must've made her put it on or something. They didn't make me when she gave birth to Mattie. Now that I'm thinking about it, they tried to make me but a human can't really make a slayer do anything she doesn't wanna do. I see Buffy, smiling with tears coming down her cheeks. She's cutting the umbilical cord and looking so proud. I look at my baby, the little thing that I just pushed out of me. She's so small, why did that hurt so damn bad if she's so small? The doctors then take her away, over to the table so they can clean her up. I can't see what's going on because they're backs are facing me. Buffy walks over to the bedside and takes my hand. I look into her eyes and she's saying something but I can't hear her. Now that I'm really paying attention I can't hear anything. What the fuck is going on? Why is my vision getting all blurry? Why can't I breathe? Why is everything getting so dark? What's happening to me?

BPOV

I've been waiting for what seems like forever. And finally the line starts to move. I need to pay for this and then eat it quickly so I can get back up to Faith's room. I need something to eat, I haven't had anything since breakfast and my stomach is getting a little rumbley. Faith is doing good, I think. It's been seven hours since her last contraction, which is normal. Technically she's been in labor for almost nine hours since her water broke back at the house, she was having contraction after contraction for a little over an hour and then it just stopped and now all she can do is just lay in bed, which like I said is perfectly normal, but it's still going to drive me insane. I was in labor with Matthew for only four hours, I think, I'm not sure exactly. But his birth was quick, very painful, but quick. I don't know how much longer this is going to take and I really wanna know. I hate being so helpless, it drives me to the brink of insanity. So I pay for the food and sit down at the table where Willow is. She came down here with me because I don't want to be alone right now. She doesn't want to eat anything, she says that hospitals make her kind of queasy. But I have to eat something, even if it is just to keep my mind busy.

"I'm sure it'll happen soon. I mean, she's already seven and a half centimeters dilated, whatever that means, and the doctor said that the active labor won't start until she's eight so it's gonna happen soon." Willow obviously doesn't know that it can take hours just for that half a centimeter. The average hours of labor for a first time mother is thirteen hours, hopefully Faith will be above average and give birth when I get back up there. I really don't want to miss it, but she told me to go get something to eat. I think she wants to be alone right now. She hasn't been very talkative and she won't let anyone but me touch her, and even then it's just her head and arms. I tried to rub her stomach and she pulled away. I understand though, I didn't really want to be touched when I was in labor either. She's emotional, this is a very emotional thing so she can't be faulted for anything that she does.

"I just hope so. I hate hospitals almost as much as she does." I'm afraid that if this takes too long then she'll leave. I know that after she woke up from her coma she just left. Well, she beat up a woman and stole her clothes, but she didn't try to find any help. Then again she wasn't exactly very mentally healthy back then, and she was wanted by the Sunnydale police and us Scoobies so I understand why getting out of dodge would be her first instinct. Ok, time to stop thinking about bad times. This is a happy day, my daughter is going to join the world today. From now on only happy thoughts, I won't allow myself to get all worried like I usually do. I think everyone knows by now that I like my control, I like to be in control of things and I trust Faith enough to let her have that control...sometimes. But this...we have no control over this and I want to scream. Willow seems to pick up on the anxiousness, that's one thing that I love about her. And when I say love I don't mean _love_ love, I mean the love someone has for their best friend. She reaches across the table and rests her hands over mine.

"Yeah, don't worry about that." Why does she almost always seem to know what I'm thinking? Is she using her witchy powers or is it the fact that we've been friends for…how many years? Hold on, I need to do the math here. Let's see I was sixteen when I met her…I'm thirty-one now…so that's? Fifteen years? Yeah, something like that. Maybe not exactly fifteen because of the whole running away thing, and I didn't show up at the beginning of the school year and I was dead for that couple of months but that's still a really long now that I'm thinking about it. I mean, if Willow hadn't done that spell to call all of the slayers I'd probably be dead right now…again. Faith would be dead because slayers never used to live passed their early twenties. It was just impossible because of all the slaying.

But I can't help but wonder if maybe that isn't exactly right. I mean, I guess I am, or was whatever, the best slayer because I had friends tying me to this world, more then just the cause and the need to hunt motivating me to stay alive. So if I were still only one of the chosen two, I wonder what things would be like. What would I look like? I mean, slaying all by myself for almost sixteen years, imagine the wear and tear. I can't think about that now though because I have no much more that I need to be thinking about. "We have Kennedy playing watch dog, so she's not going anywhere. Besides, you two are all connected because of the slayerness so you'll feel if she left the building, right?" She asks but she knows she's right. I nod my head and take another bite of my yogurt.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'd feel it. And she wouldn't leave anyway because she wouldn't put the baby in danger." We still haven't told anyone about the name. We're going to wait for her to be born first. We don't know why, that's just what we want to do. I can't wait to take her home. I can't wait to hold my little baby girl for the first time. Look into those tired little eyes, smell her breath when she's only minutes old. I know that sounds a little weird, but the breath of a newborn before they've had anything to eat, it's so pure…like you can smell their soul. Ok, now I know I sound like a freak, but I don't care. I just can't wait for her to get here. I can't wait to show her to Matthew for the first time, to watch her sleep, her little muscles twitching around and her erratic breathing. The little snorts of a newborn is just so cute. I can't wait to pamper Faith the way she pampered me. Breakfast in bed every morning, extra cuddles and kisses at night, helping her hold the baby as she breast-feeds, even if that one is only very temporary. Faith has made it loud and clear that she isn't going to breast-feed for very long, only until the colostrum is all eaten up, which is about six weeks or so, I'm not entirely sure.

I can't wait to sit in the nursery and rock her to sleep for the first time. Oh, I haven't told you about the new nursery. After we found out we are having a girl we completely redecorated it. The walls are a pretty light yellow color, the crib is a light blush pink, the toy box and bookshelf are both white, the rocking chair that we bought is white with light blue cushions, the dresser is a nice a light tanish colored oak wood, and the changing table is about the same color only it's made out of pine wood. There are teddy bears and other stuffed animals all over the room. We don't have any books on the shelves yet so they're packed down with toys. The sheet for the mattress in the crib is pink with little yellow ducks, we have a bunch of baby blankets but I think the one that we're going to be using mostly is a light green fleece blanket, it's really, really soft and will keep her warm, and that's important because the winters here get really cold and she's being born in November which isn't very good, I don't think. We'll have to work extra hard at keeping her healthy until she gets enough immunities to fight off a cold or something.

We redecorated Matthew's room a little bit too because we didn't want him to feel left out. We helped him rearrange the furniture, and re-shelve all the books. I swear that kid is going to be as enthusiastic as Giles when it comes to books. But that's good, we want our kids to like reading and schoolwork, it'll make the fights to actually do the work a lot less tough. If those kids are anything like me when it comes to that sort of stuff then I might as well ground them to their rooms now and get it over with. I'm afraid of what it's going to be like when they're teenagers. Sure Matthew's easy, he's really active but that's just normal. He does what we tell him and he doesn't get into a lot of trouble, except when he accidentally breaks my lamps. But what'll we do if he hits fifteen and rebels against us? Faith has made it very clear that she's going to be more the 'father figure' but she can only go so far. He's going to need a man around that'll give him a good example to follow. I hope he comes around to liking Xander because if Dawn and Kyle ever break up then we're screwed. Ok, I really need to stop with this kind of thinking. I'm not going to ruin this day by thinking about things that might not even happen. Faith is having my baby...just the thought alone causes goosebumps to go up and down my arms.

"So is Dawnie going to watch Matt until you two take the baby home?" It is a good question. What are we going to do about that? Faith needs to stay in the hospital for a couple of days to recover a little and I definitely don't want to leave her side. But should I go home instead? I have no idea. Maybe Matthew could just stay at Dawn's house. He loves it over there and it would ease my anxiety a little. Leaving Faith alone in a hospital isn't such a good idea. She won't leave while she's pregnant but there's no telling what she'll be like after she gives birth. She may want to leave right away and I may have to use my slayer strength to hold her down on the bed

"I think so. She'd said she'd watch him for me as long as we need. She has a key to the house so if she needs to stop by and get some clothes and stuff she can. I'll call her in a bit." I sound distant and Willow looks a little worried. She understands that most of it is just the anxiousness of waiting but there's something else. I feel worried for a different reason, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's just because I hate hospitals. I hated them when I was little because of my cousin but I got over that after I killed that demon that was targeting little kids. But when my mom got sick…I really hate hospitals, probably more then Faith. I take the last bite of yogurt and then throw the container and plastic spoon away. I walk back over to the table and Willow stands up and we walk out of the cafeteria. I really want to get back up to Faith's room. Kennedy promised to come down here and get us if anything happened but it's Kennedy, she can be a little…forgetful. We make our way up to the room but we walk a little slow. I can tell that Willow is sending out some calming energy using her magic to reach out to me and help settle my nerves, and I gotta admit that it's working. "Thank you." I tell her as we walk up to the room. The last thing Faith needs is me being paranoid about nothing. She smiles at me a little 'you're welcome' smile and we walk into the room.

"Hey baby, how are you feeling?" She doesn't say anything as she looks over at me. She just gives out this dry sarcastic laugh. This 'how the fuck do you think I'm feeling?' kind of laugh. I frown for half a second. I need to be understanding, she's going through something really big, so she gets a free pass on the bitchiness and rude comments and stuff today and for the next couple of weeks, but when she starts feeling better I'm going to start getting onto her about it like I usually do. Don't get me wrong, I love Faith's 'you can't hold me down or tell me what to do' type of personality, but sometimes it gets a little irritating. Like when you're trying to be nice and all you get is a dry laugh. But I keep my mouth shut about it. I sit down next to her and take her hand. She's being really quiet and I'm really concerned. I was expecting a bitchy, talkative Faith. Not a 'I'm going to suffer in silence' Faith. She smiles a little, one of those small 'don't worry, everything is fine' smiles and she cups my cheek with her free hand and gently caresses me with her thumb. God she's so amazing. Here is she, in labor with my baby and she's still making sure I feel ok. I love her so much. "I guess that was a pretty dumb question, huh?" She nods her head yes but she doesn't say anything. I hate that she isn't talking to me.

Then she gets this weird look on her face, kind of like she's listening really hard for something. Her eyes have a little fear in them. She pulls away from me and I furrow my eyebrows a little bit. What's going with her? I really wish she'd talk to me. Then she screams, a near ear shattering scream. Kennedy and Willow jump up out of the chair they were sitting in and so do I. She's gripping onto the mattress so hard that the sheets are ripping. She's screaming bloody murder and arching her back. Sweat is dripping off of her forehead as she continues to scream. I try to calm her down, to get her to look at me but I don't think she can hear me. A couple of nurses run into the room to check on her. I'm starting to panic because this contraction, hopefully it is a contraction, is lasting longer then the rest. Can her body really take that? I'm feeling helpless again and it isn't a nice feeling at all. And then the cussing starts.

"Oh my God! FUCK! SON OF A FUCKING BITCH! Make it stop, make it stop!" Oh yeah, she'll be fine. As soon as she gets this baby out of her she'll be ok. I really do want to make it stop, I want to help ease the pain but she has to go through it. Then she starts pushing. No, no she can't push yet. This is only the little waiting room that they keep the moms in until they go into active labor. She can't have the baby here. I tell her that, I tell her to try and hold out, I tell her to stop pushing but she can't hear me over her screams. God, I never knew she could scream so loud for so long. And then her muscles start to relax and she collapses onto the bed again. I'm right there, waiting for her, trying to calm her down as she tries to catch her breath.

"You did good Faith, that was so great, but you can't push, not yet, we need to get you to the delivery room first. Don't push, ok baby?" She either can't hear me or she's ignoring me. I look over as the doctor checks on her…area. I don't like the fact that three people who aren't me have lifted up those blankets and looked at her down there. That's for me and me only. Even when it's a doctor or nurse I'm jealous. I have issues, I know that now. The doctor tells us that she's fully dilated and we need to get her to a delivery room. I can see Faith's confusion and I try to comfort her but again she's either ignoring me or she doesn't hear me. The doctor tells her not to push as she's wheeled out of the room and down the hall. I'm jogging to keep up and holding onto her hand but she's staring up at the ceiling. Then she looks over to her right and sees Willow and Kennedy watching. She gets a very pissed off look on her face and I'm a little worried.

"You!" she yells and we're all a little surprised. "You fucking did this to me! What is it with you fucking witches and your damn magic? When I get out of here I'm gonna fucking kill you!" I have to hide my smile, I don't want her to start yelling at me next. We all understand her reasoning. I would be pissed off at Willow to if she were the witch that had cast that spell on me. When you're in this much pain you don't really care who you yell at, you just want to find some type of outlet. I send Willow an apologetic smile as I turn the corner to go into the room. A nurse stops me and they continue to wheel Faith away from me. She better step away from me before I show her what a slayer can really do. She holds up a stupid smock looking thing, ya know, one of those really ugly greenish ones? She tells me that I have to put it on if I want to be in the room. So I do because I just want to see my baby being born, I want to help Faith through it.

But then she says that I have to put on those stupid latex gloves and I sigh heavily and I'm about to put them on but then Faith has another contraction and starts screaming her head off. I push the nurse out of my way and run to her side. I hold onto her hand and almost have to bite my lips to keep from yelling out myself. I think I just felt something snap. The doctor is telling her to push and I can tell she's trying but she wants to give up. I want to speak but the pain in my hand is keeping me quiet. It'll go numb in a second and then my slayer healing with take effect. I love having super powers. "Buffy, I can't do this...I can't. It's too much, just make it stop...I can't." She's squeezing my hand as hard as she can and I'm stroking her hair with my other hand, trying to comfort her.

"Yes you can Faith. You can do this. I know it hurts baby, it hurts real bad, but you can do this. Come on, baby, push." She starts pushing as hard as she can. Her face is turning really red and even though she's sweating everywhere and her hair is matted and she's screaming her lungs out I can't help but think she is the most beautiful creature on the planet. She's just so amazing. I love her so damn much. I can't help but have one of those 'in the moment flashbacks'. Ya know, when you see something like this and it reminds you of something else so remember that moment? If you're still confused oh well, I'll just get on with the memory. What I'm thinking of right now is the first time I ever actually said the words 'I love you' to her. Well, I said it before when I confessed it to her on the bus ride to Angel's after the big collapse of Sunnydale, but I hadn't said it since. We had a nighttime picnic on the roof of our apartment building. Trust me the irony was not lost on me.

Anyway, we were sitting on the blanket that we had spread out on the cold concrete. The basket was off to the side because we had finished the food. I was sitting in between her legs, my back was up against her chest and she had her arms around me and we were staring up at the stars. Very cheesy I know. She gave my neck a little kiss and I giggled because it tickled a little. I turned in her arms so I could see her face, the moonlight was reflecting off of them and they looked so beautiful. I knew right then that I'd never be able to love anyone as much as I love her. I place a small kiss on her lips and then pulled back so I could see her eyes and I said it, I told her 'I love you'. She didn't say it back right away, she thought about it for a minute or two and then she looked into my eyes and said it back only instead of saying 'I love you too' like anyone else would have said she put her own little twist to it and said 'I'll always love you, 'til the end of forever.' Faith is actually quite girly once you get to know her. She has a girly side and I'm the only one that gets to see it. I pulled her into a searing kiss and we had a quickie up there on that roof, but it was so much more then that. That was the night I realized that Faith is the only one for me, and that thought didn't scare me, or make me wanna run or any other negative thing. It made me so happy, made me feel like I have some greater purpose then just being a slayer. And now, here we are, years later and she's giving birth to our second child.

The contraction stops and she rests on the bed again. She looks over at me and gets this worried look on her face because I have tears in my eyes. Can she be any sweeter? She's in labor and she's worried about me. She's the best woman in the world and I can't wait to marry her. She reaches up and wipes one of my tears away because they're running down my cheeks now. But these are very happy tears, the happiest tears to ever exist. I look into her deep brown eyes and I feel myself falling in love with her all over again. I didn't think I was going to get this emotional. Maybe this is the reason why two women aren't supposed to make babies together. "That was good, you're so beautiful." She gives this little sarcastic 'yeah right' smile. I know she doesn't feel like it right now but she is beautiful. And then her face contorts back into that painful one again and she starts screaming. Everyone starts yelling at her to push and I can tell that she's getting irritated. She's pushing as hard as she can, and then her jaw falls open and she looks like she's about to give up. "Come on baby, keep pushing. You're doing so good Faith. Just a little longer. That's it, come on baby." She lets out a very irritated growl and I brace myself for whatever she's about to say and I keep in mind that she's in pain so she doesn't really mean it.

"Shut up! Everyone just shut the fuck up! Stop fucking touching me! Get the fuck away from me!" She grips onto my hand and I know she wants me to keep touching her but she wants the doctors and nurses to go away. I don't blame her. But I don't talk as much. If she's going to do this then she needs to concentrate, and she can't concentrate if she's really irritated. But I can't help myself. I keep telling her how beautiful she is and how much I love her. I can tell that she's ignoring me, and she focuses on trying to push our baby girl out of her. And then the contraction ends and she's lying on her back and looking up at the ceiling. The doctor says that he can see the head and if Faith didn't have a death grip on my hand I'd go down there and take a look myself. I wipe some of the sweat off of her forehead before it drips down into her eyes. You have no idea how much I love this woman. And then her eyes roll a little and she braces herself. Another one already? That was hardly a break. Oh! This must be like the last one or something. I get really excited to the point where I almost squeal. Our baby girl is almost here!

"Fuck! Oh my fucking God!" She takes a breath and the yelling keeps on coming, but she's not really trying to push. She needs to focus if she's going to get this over with, but I keep my comments to myself or else she might rip my arm off. "Mother fucking son of a bitch! God dammit! Make it fuckin stop!" Everyone in the room is talking to her, telling her to just push a little harder, to hold on for a couple more seconds, that it's almost over. Not me though. I'm whispering to her, telling her how beautiful she is and how much she means to me, how much I love her. I give her ear a little kiss but I don't think she felt it, it was one of those barely there whisper kisses. She makes a death glare at everyone around her, except me and then yells, "Shut the fuck up!" And then the baby comes out, and the doctor is holding her in his hands. She collapses onto the bed and starts breathing really hard but she can't quite catch her breath. And then our baby starts crying, these loud erratic wails and it's the best sound I've ever heard in my life.

"Congratulations, you got yourself a little girl," the doctor tells her. It seems they keep forgetting that we're a couple, but whatever. I'm not going to let them ruin this for me, for us. I look at my little girl. She's so tiny probably five pounds, maybe six. She's bald headed. Faith isn't going to be happy about that. I'm smiling like an idiot and I have tears constantly rolling down my cheeks. I walk up to the little screaming baby, she has her eyes closed and her fists are clenched tight. God she's so…beautiful. I've been using that word a lot but it's true. The doctor hands me the little scissor things and I cut the umbilical cord and I gently rub her little head. But then they take her away to get her cleaned up and do the tests that doctors do on newborn babies. I walk over to the bed and Faith is staring at the backs of all the people as they poke and prod at our daughter. But I'm not too worried, they've been doing this for a long time, they won't hurt her even if leaving her with them goes against both my maternal my slayer instincts. I take her by the hand and she looks into my eyes.

"You were perfect, Faith. You did such a great job. She's so beautiful. I love you so much, baby." Her eyebrows scrunch up and she looks at me with this confused look like I'm not speaking English or something. What the hell? "Faith, what's the matter?" She's starting to panic but I don't know why. Her breathing is still really hard and it's only getting heavier and shallower. Her eyes get really wide and she's blinking a lot, like she's trying to clear up some haze or something. The heart monitor thing starts beeping really loudly and her eyes roll into the back of her head and she stops breathing. Oh my God, what's wrong with her? "Faith, Faith! Can you hear me? Faith! Open your eyes, baby, Faith." A nurse pushes me out of the way and checks her pulse. She looks up at the machine again and starts barking out orders.

"She's going into cardiac arrest!" yells and a couple other nurses come over and start to help her. She gives Faith CPR but she's not responding. What the hell is happening? I think I'm in shock or something because I'm just standing here, not moving not saying anything. I look over when I hear my baby crying and she's being taken out of the room. What the fuck is going on? Where are they taking her? Why isn't Faith waking up? "Ma'am, you're going to need to leave the room." Someone tells me but I just look passed her. I look at Faith, she has something over her mouth and someone is squeezing a bag looking thing, I think it's to keep her breathing. I remember when they did that to my mom. Oh God, no. Not Faith too. Please, please, please let her be ok. I feel someone put their arm over my shoulder and they lead me out of the room. All I can do is follow and watch with wide eyes as someone rips open Faith's gown and they use those paddles on her chest to try and shock her heart back into beating.

Why is this happening? This isn't supposed to happen, this is supposed to be a happy day. I blink a couple of times when the door closes and I can't see Faith anymore. I look around and I'm standing in the hall, how did I get out here? I look over and see Willow is the one with her arm around me. She's hugging me now, no, wait, she's not hugging me. She's trying to hold me back because I'm fighting as hard as I can to get back into the room with Faith, but she's using her magic and I can't fight that. I feel my legs give out and I fall to the floor. The last thing I see before I pass out is Willow's big green eyes looking scared and worried.

FPOV

I open my eyes and I'm surrounded by white. This isn't a room there are no walls or a ceiling or anything, just white nothingness and even though the vibe is really calming I can't help but worry. I know this isn't exactly real. I know that it's a dream or an out of body experience or whatever. I'm not allowing myself to fall into the peaceful calm of this place is because it might be fake. Some demon could have brought me here in hopes of killing me or whatever. And I know this isn't real because five feet in front of me is a large bowl sitting on top of a stand and I can hear sounds coming out of it. The volume is low but the voices are frantic and something about it just doesn't sound right. I walk closer and look down into the liquid that is displaying the images like a TV show or something. I scrunch my eyebrows. This isn't right, no, this isn't right at all. I'm starting to panic but I can't look away.

Everything is in slow motion, that's why the voices and noises from the machines sound so weird. It's all in slow-mo. You probably wanna know what I'm seein, huh? Alright, get your panties out of the fucking twist, I'll tell ya. I see me. Well, my body I guess would be the more accurate description since I'm standing right here. A couple of doctors and a bunch of nurses are all runnin around like chickens with their heads cut off. They're tryin to wake me up, but I can't because I'm here. Only I don't know exactly where 'here' is. I take another look around. Nope, nothing's changed. It's still the endless white and I swear I can hear some soft music playin in the background. Ok, this is fuckin creepy. Demons, vampires, PMSing women, and dirty diapers I can handle. Not this, I need something real to fight. If I'm gonna get ot of here and back to the land of the awake so I can hold my brand new baby and look into the beautiful hazel eyes of my lover then I need to find whatever brought me here and figure out how to kill it. If it is an evil being, anyways. I'm starting to doubt it. Only something very good and pure of heart could pick out music that's this sappy sounding.

Wait, I see something. It looks kinda like a big bubble, and it reminds me of that scene in 'The Wizard of Oz' when Glenda the good witch shows up to talk to Dorothy. Great, so not only am I in an endless white nonexistence and watching total strangers poke and prod at my body but I'm going to have a one on one with an overly cheerful witch who wears WAY too much pink and carries around a wand. If I died and this is the passageway to heaven then I wanna be at the gateway to Hell. But maybe this it isn't going to be the fictional witch. Please, God, don't let it be a spirit guide who's gonna take me back to different moments from my past and lecture me on what I could have done different! I REALLY don't' need the Christmas Carol moment right now.

The bubbles stops moving about seven feet in front of me and it turns into the golden glowing light. It takes the shape of a door about six feet tall and four feet wide. Am I supposed to go in there? Am I really dead? Will I never get to know my daughter, see my children grow up, and grow old with Buffy? I don't wanna die! I'm not ready yet! I haven't had my happy ending! This is just fucked up. I've reformed, I'm not psychotic, I have a happy family, my fiancé, my beautiful kids…I have things to live for now! The lights is taking on a different shape sort of. It's changing into a doorway so now it's not a solid rectangle. It must be a portal or something. What? Sometimes I pay attention when we're supposed to be researching the evil. I really hope I don't have to go in there. I feel a little relief when I see someone start to walk out. Oh my fucking God! Is that who I think it is? What the fuck is going on?

"Hello Faith, it's been years, how have you been?" She walks out as if it's nothing, as if we're bumped into each other at the grocery store or something. I can't look at her anymore, it's just too much. I look back into the bowl, things are even slower now and it's silent. She walks up and stands beside me. I glance at her through the corner of my eye. She's wearing a long white gown, her hair is in those soft curls that I remember her havin. She looks good, I gotta admit it. I can't wait to tell Buffy about this, she's gonna freak. "I guess this is a bit of a shock. So, let's just get on with the explanation, shall we?" I look up at her, into those soft smiling eyes that I used to envy because I knew they would never look at me the way I wanted them to. She reaches her arms out towards me and I allow myself to be pulled into a hug. Only this time I don't pull away, not like the last time we hugged. "How is everyone doing down there?" We pull away at the same time and I can't help but feel calm. There's just something about her that feels so…safe, like you can trust her no matter what. She just has that 'mom' vibe.

"They're good." I don't know what to say, this is just so…I never expected that this would ever happen. "Happy, I guess." I look down at my stomach, it's flat, the muscles are tight like they used to be before I got pregnant. I smile a very happy smile that just keeps on growin. She smiles back and I put my hands over my belly. "I had a baby today. Buffy's baby, a little girl. She looks so damn small, I can't believe it hurt so damn bad." She laughs a little and looks down at the bowl. I follow her eyes and now instead of seeing my body and the doctors trying to wake me up, I see the nursery with all of the little babies in the little plastic basinet things. In the middle of all the babies is a little girl, wrapped up in a pink blanket and a little identity bracelet on her wrist. She's moving around a little, her legs are sticking straight up in the air and she's kicking them around. I smile and read the nametag on the basinet: Addison K. Lehane. That's my little girl, being strange, just like her mother. I feel a wave of sadness wash over me and I look over where she's standing, watching my little baby. "Am I dead? Did I die in there?" She looks up at me with that worried mom face. She looks into my eyes and I can tell that she's trying to figure out how to word it. She decides on something, I guess and then takes a breath.

"Yes." Ok, if I'm dead then why do I feel so dizzy? I guess I'm not going to see my daughter at all then, huh? I feel like I'm gonna fall and as I go to sit down I feel something under me. I look down, where the hell did the chair come from? I take a couple of deep breaths, which is fuckin weird. If I'm dead then why do I need to breathe? Another chair appears and she sits down next to me and rests her hands on my knees. I look up at her and into those smiling eyes. Why is she smiling? I'm dead and she's smiling? I knew she never really liked me. So much for having Joyce's blessing, I guess I wouldn't be able to marry Buffy even if I were still alive. "Don't worry dear, it isn't permanent. I just wanted to talk to you." What? So she kills me because she wants to talk to me? This is getting weirder by the minute. I can't help but feel…relieved. So I am going to get to do all of the things that I wanna do. Good, that's good, but what does she want to talk to me about? Five bucks says she's gonna tell me not to marry her daughter. She looks back into the bowl and I do too. I see Buffy, lying on a hospital bed with Willow and Kennedy at her side. She must've passed out or something. God, I hope she's ok.

"She'll be fine, dear." Ok, that was creepy. "No I can't read minds, I could feel the worry coming off of you. You're both going to be ok. Time moves differently here so I can tell you everything I want to say and you won't suffer any damage. They'll revive you and you'll be as good as new. Well, sort of. I can't work miracles. You'll still have to recover from giving birth." She smiles wider and then looks into the bowl and it's the image of my baby again. I can't really get a good look at her but I can tell from here that she has my nose and lips. "She's gorgeous, you two did great. Now, getting down to business. I need to clear up a few things before I can give you my blessing on this wedding I've heard so much about." How did she hear about it? "Don't look so surprised, it's the talk of the…spirit world, I guess you could call it." She smiles and I can't help but smile back. I can't help but feel like I'm about to be interrogated. This must be our version of taking the girlfriend home to meet the parents. I really hope I don't say anything that'll put me in the bad category. I look back into the bowl, the longer I can avoid this talk the better. I see my daughter, being fed by the nurse and she's falling asleep. I reach out to touch the liquid but it changes, morphs into something else. I look away, I really don't wanna look at that. That person in the bowl isn't me anymore, she's trash, she's everything that I hate and something that I refuse to become again.

"It's ok Faith, don't worry too much about it. I know you've changed. I've watched you over the years, I knew you could get better, all you needed was a little love." I look into her eyes and I can feel the tears building up in mine. Why is she being so nice to me? I've tried to kill her, her daughter, I said horrible things to her, told her she might as well be dead. I don't understand. Why is she being so nice? "Faith, it's ok. I've forgiven you. I've seen how much you've changed. You're nothing like that girl you used to be. We all made mistakes Faith. I think now that if I had just asked you to stay with us, if I had somehow gotten you out of that dirty motel room then maybe some of things that happened would have turned out differently. But let's not look back on the what ifs, it'll drive us both insane." She laughs but I don't. I give her a little smile but I don't think it's funny. "You make my daughter very happy, Faith. You've been able to give her a life that I've wished for her to have. She has a loving partner who cares deeply for her, and two beautiful children for her to love and teach. The fact that she's madly in love with another woman doesn't mean a thing to me. It did at first, but I got over it." We both smile and she wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me a little closer to her in that motherly way. She hasn't changed a bit.

"I'm sorry," I whisper and look up at her face. She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off. I need to get this out, even if she already knows, I need to say it to give myself a little peace. "I was so fu-messed up." That was close. I don't wanna say anything bad in front of her, it just wouldn't be right, ya know? "I thought I had no one, I guess at the time I didn't. I never meant for things to go like that. I just- I'm sorry." She hugs me again and gives me a small smile. Now that I've said it I feel like I can breathe a little easier. Which again, if I'm dead why do I need to breathe? "But you said it yourself, I've changed. I'm better now, I'm happy. I never thought I'd ever be this happy." I look back into the bowl and there are other things on display now. Parts of my past that I'd rather Joyce not see, but she's going to see them so I might as well be quiet about it. She's watching the beatings, the constant hell of my life in Boston. Then it flashes forward to Sunnydale. She watches as the images focus mostly on me when we'd meet at the library and how my face would drop a little bit when I wasn't really included in the group. I always felt like an outsider but I don't blame them for it. I could have made an effort instead of just telling them that it was fine.

"And there's that little grandson of mine." Joyce's voice was so full of joy when she saw the image of Mattie, first a tiny baby being cradled in Buffy's arms as she rocked him to sleep, then when he was a little one-year-old trying to stick a marble up his nose, then again at his second birthday party and I brought in the dog crate that had Tucker inside of it. He got so excited. He was running around the house telling everyone that he got a dog. Joyce laughs a little and then the pool shifts to a different image, of a not so happy time. I look away but the sound is back so I can hear everything that's being said. The hurtful words in that hateful tone, the slamming of doors and then Mattie screaming because I had left and no one knew if I would be back. I didn't want to leave like that, I didn't want it to be in front of him, for it to be so full of anger, but Buffy wanted me out and she didn't want me to wait until he was sleeping.

"You love her?" she asks me and I look at her with a 'what are you insane?' sort of look and she smiles. I nod my head yes and she sighs. This whole thing is just so insane, I'm having a very hard time wrapping my mind around it. I'm dead, and I'm sitting here talking with Buffy's mom, and I can still breathe. I thought you didn't have to breathe when you're dead? Oh well, I don't want to think about it anymore because I'm getting a headache. See, that's another thing, how can I get a headache if I'm dead? I shake my head a little, trying to calm the annoying thoughts down. She smiles at me again and looks into my eyes. "And you've been faithful to her?" I nod my head yes without any hesitation. I've never cheated on Buffy and I never will. That's not something that I'm capable of doing, I think I'd rather kill myself then cheat on her. Then Joyce gets serious and she moves around in the chair a little so that she's facing me. She takes me by my hand and looks deeply into my eyes. "And even if you'd never marry her you would still want to be with her for the rest of your life?" I don't need to think about it because I already know the answer.

"Yes. I can't imagine my life without her." I look back into the bowl and see images that I don't remember because I wasn't there. Ones of Buffy and Mattie fighting because I'm gone and he wants me to come home but Buffy doesn't want me back. We were so unhappy then and I can't remember why. "Even when we weren't together I still wanted her in my life. I was gone for three months, I think, maybe a little more, and we were mad at each other but I couldn't imagine what it would be like to not see her at all. She worked it out so that Xander would pick Mattie up and drop him off at the house but sometimes he couldn't make it so I'd drive over to pick him up. Just looking at her made my heart hurt because she didn't want me back. But I never even thought about being with someone else, ever. I just couldn't do that to her. I love her too much to even think about being with someone else." I have to stop because I don't know what else to say. I don't know what else I can say to express what I'm feeling, but Joyce gets it, she always understands. I seem to have said the right thing because she's smiling really wide now. We look over to the bowl and see Buffy, sitting up in a hospital bed and freaking out because the doctors still haven't come out to talk to anyone about me. Everything is in really slow motion, slower then before, I guess Joyce is taking longer then she thought she would and is buying me some more time.

"Well, then I guess my mind is made up." I really hope that's a good thing, judging by her smile I'd say it is, but you never know. "You have my blessing, dear. There's no one I'd rather see my daughter marry then the…well I don't know exactly what to call you considering you 'fathered' Matthew and gave birth to Addison. Other half, that's it, there's no one else I'd rather see her marry then the other half of her children. But let me warn you Faith." Is she going to threaten me? That would explain a lot, at least now I know here Dawn gets it from. "It's not always going to be easy, you know that first hand. Two slayers getting married is a big deal. There are things out there, not just the anti-same sex marriage people, but supernatural things too, that don't want to see you two get married. I'm not saying this to scare you, but keep your eyes open, ok dear?" I nod my head yes and she gives me another hug. I hug her back and then she whispers into my ear, "Go see your new baby and give Buffy a hug for me." I pull back to look at her face but then everything fades away, slow at first but then I'm staring at darkness and that calm feeling is gone and I'm trying as hard as I can to breathe but I can't. I start to cough and it feels like something is being pulled out of my throat. I can hear people talking but I don't know what they're saying. I can feel them touching me and I fight against it. What the fuck is going on?

"I don't think she was out long enough but order a head CT and chest x-rays. I want to know what caused the episode. Someone get her to recovery, I'll go talk to her family." That sounds like my doctor. God, he's an asshole, the way he's talking to the nurses. No wonder nobody in this damn hospital likes him. I feel myself being lifted up and placed on a bed. Now I'm being wheeled away. The nurses are talking but I'm not paying attention. I'm just so tired. I can remember everything that happened with Joyce, ever word she said, ever look she gave me…. I was dead. I was fucking dead. God this is so weird. I need to see Buffy. I need her right now. Where are they taking me? I open my eyes and it's bright, really fucking bright. I close my eyes and wince. I bring a hand up and rub my eyelids.

"Don't worry, dear, we'll put you in a quiet room and we'll dim the lights. You really had us worried there." The nurse doesn't sound like any of the others that helped me earlier, but then again I was too busy cussing at them to really pay attention to the sounds of their voices. I can see through my eyelids that the room they just wheeled me in isn't as bright. I slowly open them and look around. It's nice and quiet in here. God, I never knew dying could give a person such a headache. Ha, the jokes are going to be coming nonstop pretty soon, and I know it's going to make Buffy mad because she doesn't take dying very lightly. But she can't be mad at me because I didn't only die but I gave birth to her child. Nope, she can't be mad at me. "You just sit tight, and I'll bring in that little baby of yours, ok?" She asks and I nod my head yes. I like this nurse. She's really nice. She reminds me of the nurse that worked in the office at the school I went to in second grade. "It might be a while, I think they're still running some tests on her. There's nothing to worry about, it's just standard procedure. Well, I'll see you in about an hour to check up on you, ok?" I nod my head and she leaves the room and closes the door behind her. Ok, where's Buffy? She didn't say anything about me seeing Buffy and that's something that needs to happen and very soon or else I might go inside. I need to give her that hug Joyce asked me to give her before I forget to do it. I'm about to stand up and go look for her when the door flies open and in runs Buffy. She jumps on the bed and wraps her arms around me and starts bawling her eyes out. Jeez, that must've really scared her. I wonder what the doctor told her.

"Shh, baby, it's ok." As much as I want to comfort her, I really just wanna go to sleep. I'm tired, and sore and I have a headache that's only getting worst. She says something like 'no it's not ok' but I'm not sure because she's crying too hard to understand. I rub her back and make a soft shushing sound. "Yes it is. I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere. Could you go find a nurse and tell her to bring in that perfect little baby that I squeezed outta me?" She holds onto me tighter and I tighten my grip too. As much as I want her off of me because I'm sore everywhere I can't just leave her like this, I can't make her get off me. She clams down after a couple of minutes and gives me a sloppy kiss on the lips. She gives me a small smile and then crawls off of the bed and sits in the chair next to it. Now I can breathe, she's not heavy but having her lay right no top of me like that was making me feel a little boxed in. "Baby, why don't you go ask a nurse to bring us our little baby?" She nods her head and smiles a little and I reach over and gently wipe the tears away with my thumb. She leans in and gives me a little kiss on the lips and then gets up and leaves the room. I sigh and stare up at the ceiling. Wow, what a day. Just this morning I was eating strawberry ice cream out of the container, then I go through the most painful thing I've ever gone through and then I died and had a conversation with Buffy's mom. If I haven't been a slayer for as long as I have then I'd probably categorize this as a 'very strange' day.

"Look who I have," I say Buffy say very softly as she walks back into the room. I look over at her and smile wide. Cradled in her arms, wrapped in a big pink blanket is our little girl. I sit up as much as I can in the bed. I rest my back against the pillows and watch as she walks closer to me. She sits down in the plastic chair and looks down at the little baby cradled in her arms. Seriously, why did it hurt so bad if she's so fucking small? I look down at the sleeping baby and I smile really wide. I reach out and Buffy carefully hands her to me. I gently cradle her in my arms and hold her close to my body. She moves around a little bit, her eyebrows furrow and her lips twitch a little. I smile and start to breathe. When did I stop? Her breathing is very uneven, and she's snorting a little bit. She doesn't have any hair at all, not even the soft peach fuzz that Mattie had, I smile at that. We gotta bald headed baby. She yawns really wide and when she closes her mouth the tip of her tongue is sticking out between her lips. I softly caress her face and her lips twitch some more. I look over at Buffy, she has tears in her eyes and now that I'm thinking about it so do I. She reaches over and wipes them away before they can fall from my face. I clear my throat. I need to tell her what happened when I died. I'm never going to get used to saying that.

"After I gave birth." I look down at our baby again and smile before I look up at Buffy. She gets up and sits on the edge of the bed so she can have a better look at the little girl in my arms. "I died, Buffy." She looks into my eyes and tears are forming in hers again. "It happened for a reason, it wasn't just some freak accident. I don't know where I went but it was calm, and really bright." I pause and smile. She's not as tense anymore but I can tell that she wants me to be quiet and not talk about this now, but I need to or I might forget. "You might not believe me, but I saw your mom." She stops breathing so I stop talking. I reach out with my hand and cup her cheek with it. She leans into my touch. I need to finish saying this because I can feel my eyelids getting heavy. "She said that she needed to talk to me. She wants us to know that we have her blessing. She's ok with our lives together. She just wants you to be happy. She said that she's happy that you're marrying me and she's glad that I'm the one you're in love with." She starts to cry and I comfort her the best I can but it's kind of hard when you're holding a newborn. She composes herself and takes in a deep breath.

"I called Dawn, she's going to bring Matthew here so he can meet his sister." She smiles and looks down at Addison and starts to rub her head. "They'll be here in a couple of minutes. Matthew's going to spend the night at Dawn's and I'm staying here tonight. I left your bag in the car so tomorrow I'll run home and get you some clothes. I should probably go see if the car is there, but that can wait." She leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. I kiss her back but it ends pretty quick. Addison starts to move around a little more, and she's getting a little fussy. Her breathing is harder and she's making this little whiney noise. "She's probably getting hungry. I think she knows she's with her mommy. And she knows that being with her mommy means food." She smiles and laughs a little but I don't think it's funny. Buffy didn't breast-feed for very long and I'm not going to either, just until the colostrum is gone and that usually takes about six weeks and then it's formula for this kid. "I'll help you," she tells me and carefully pulls down the flimsy hospital gown. I think my body is very well aware of the fact that I'm holding a hungry baby and I'm dripping the yellowish stuff, that's so fucking gross. She gently cups the bottom of my sore breast and uses her other hand to guide the baby's mouth to my nipple, and then Addison clamps down.

"Oh my God." You have no idea how much this fucking hurts. This kid's mouth is in like a death lock or something. "Her jaws are a like Pit Bull." Then I remember the line from a movie that I watched with Kennedy not so long ago. "Can you lock your jaws and shake like a Pit Bull?" I sound like I'm mocking her but I'm not. Buffy watches her, which I think is really weird, and she's gently rubbing her on the head again. Then she looks into my eyes and smiles at me. She leans down and gives me a kiss on the lips. We pull apart when we hear the door open. Dawn and Mattie walk into the room, Kyle stops dead in the doorway. His face goes pale and it looks like he's having a hard time breathing. Typical guy, can't stand the sight of a woman breast-feeding. Hell, I couldn't until after living with Buffy and having to watch her do it with Mattie. "You ok Kyle?" He nods his head yes and doesn't even notice the teasing sound in my voice.

"I'm just gonna go…" there's a long pause before he speaks again. "Away." And he leaves. Dawn rolls her eyes and gives her 'eww' face. Not at the fact that I'm breast-feeding, but because Buffy is still cupping my boob. She finally notices that and pulls her hand away. Mattie jumps out of Dawn's arms and runs over to Buffy and climbs into her lap. He gives her a big hug and then turns around in her arms and stares at the baby. He has this strange look on his face, like he just can't believe what is going on. I smile at him and prepare myself for the million questions that I know he's going to ask.

"Why is she doing that?" I laugh a little bit but then stop when I hear Addison snort again and she clamps down a little harder. I wince and Mattie looks up at me for a few seconds and then looks back down at her. "Mommy, why is she doing that?" Sure he asks Buffy. I guess Dawn told him that I'd be tired and moody for a while and now he wants to give me my space, which I'm grateful for but I'm not that tired. I can still answer a few simple questions.

"That's how babies eat, sweetheart. She's drinking up the milk that's in your mama." Mattie's eyebrows furrow a little and he watches her a little more intensely. Dawn still hasn't said a word and it's starting to freak me out a little. Dawn is never quiet, why is she being so damn quiet?

"Nah-uh. Babies drink from bottles and milk doesn't come from humans it comes from cows and we buy it at the store." That's my boy, bringing in that old fashion logic and reason. Buffy laughs a little bit and runs her fingers through his hair. I smile too and look down at Addy, yes I already have a nickname for her. I started calling Matthew Mattie when he was two weeks old. But I've known for years that if I ever had a girl her first name would be Addison and I'd call her Addy.

"Babies drink from their mommies too. You drank from me but not for very long. Mama's going to do the same. Addison will only drink from her for a couple of weeks. That's her name, Matthew. Addison Kristine Lehane, but I think we're going to call her Addy." I smile and reach out with my free hand and run a finger down Mattie's face and then gently pat Addy over the butt. Mattie used to fall asleep when I did that to him when he was a baby. I think she's asleep now too. She isn't sucking on me anymore but her mouth is still clamped over my nipple. I gently pull her little body away from me and when her mouth is pulled away off my nipple there's this little 'pop' sound and I can't help but smile. I look over at Mattie and he covers his eyes with both of his hands and shakes his head from side to side.

"Mama, there's kids in the room, put that away." I laugh a little and give Buffy this 'help me out here' look. She reaches over and pulls the gown up so I'm not exposed anymore. He slowly lowers his hands and gets this relieved look on his face. "That's better." I smile at him and carefully scoot over a little bit. Buffy seems to understand what I'm doing and she puts Mattie on the bed next to me. We want him to feel comfortable around Addy. He's going to learn that he can't touch her roughly because it'll hurt her but gentle touches are fine. He looks down at her for a few seconds and then she opens her eyes. They're gray, how the hell are they gray? Wait, I remember the doctor sayin something about this. Sometimes babies are born with blue or gray eyes but the melanin in their systems will turn them brown, or something like that. Besides, Buffy told me what the little girl in her dream looked like and if it's anything to go on then Addison's eyes are going to be brown. Mattie leans down a little bit and he starts to whisper to her. "Hi Addison, I'm your brother. My name's Matthew." He goes quiet and they just look at each other for the longest time. I look over and Dawn's gone. That's weird, when did she leave? I look over at Buffy when I see her move. She gets up and sits down on the bed next to Mattie and gives me a kiss on the temple. We look at our kids and we both smile. We're the perfect family. Well, almost…I guess it just depends on your meaning of perfect. But to me, it's perfect. I wouldn't change a thing.

BPOV

I cannot believe we're parents, again. This is all so surreal. I keep thinking that it's a dream and any moment I'm going to wake up and be in my bed. When she first told me that it was my mom who killed her so that Faith could talk to her…well, I didn't really believe her. I mean, for all I know they could have put her on some type of pain medication that caused her to hallucinate. But when I saw the look in her eyes and heard the conviction in her voice, I knew it was true. So, we have my mother's blessing on our wedding. It feels like this huge weight has been lifted off of me and now I don't feel guilty at all. I just wish that I could talk to her, just see my mom and speak to her one last time. Ok, time to get my mind off of depressing issues.

"Yeah, we're on the sixth floor, room 314." I say into the phone and then listen as the person talks. I smile at what they're saying and wait for them to finish. "Ok, that sounds great. I'll see you in a little bit." We hang up at the same time and I make by way to Faith's room. What? I'm not going to tell you who was on the phone, it's a surprise. Anyway, I walk into her room and close the door. She's holding the baby again. She's been doing that a lot since last night. The nurses keep trying to take her away to do some more tests but we won't let them. We only give her back when she needs her diaper changed, but we want to spend as much time with her as possible. I know we should get the tests done because they'll tell us if there's anything wrong with her, and we really need to get this one test done, I don't remember what it's called but the nurses test the babies' temperament and then tell the parents if they have an easy baby or a difficult baby and what's the best way to comfort them and get them to stop crying.

"Hey beautiful," I whisper as I walk further into the room. Faith looks up at me and smiles softly and then looks down at the baby again. Addison, little Addison Kristine Lehane. I still can't believe that all of this is real. I sit down on the bed next to Faith and give her a kiss on the temple and then the cheek before I lean down and give Addison a kiss on the forehead. She frowns and moves around a little bit. She's just so tiny, five pounds and seven ounces and she's nineteen inches long. That's really tiny. And she's just the cutest little thing ever. She has Faith's nose and her lips, but my ears and my chin and thin face. And she's completely bald, I still think that's kind of funny. "She's so beautiful. You did such a good job, Faith. I love you so much." I smile at her and she smiles right back. I give her a kiss on the lips and it lingers for a few seconds. Then a nurse walks into the room and decides that now is the time that they need to take her away for the testing. I'm a little worried, my slayer and maternal instincts are telling me to protect my baby and keep everyone away from her, Faith and me, but I know it needs to be done. So I gently pick the little bundle of joy up and put her down in the plastic basinet thingy and the nurse wheels her out of the room.

"I'm so fucking tired. I could sleep for weeks." I smile at her and give her another kiss on the lips. Unfortunately for her she's going to be up every two hours or so to feed Addison. We moved the basinet into our bedroom on Faith's side of the bed and neither of us is going to be getting a lot of sleep. I'm still worried about how Matthew is going to react to all of this. He seems really excited about being a big brother and taking her home but he just doesn't understand that things are going to be very different. We won't be able to spend as much time with him and we're going to be really tired and probably a little snippy. I just hope he doesn't get too jealous. According to my mother I reacted…badly to Dawn at first. Not only that little incident you all saw with me not wanting to hold her but for the next couple of months I acted out and demanded attention that they couldn't give me because they were busy taking care of Dawn. I just hope he doesn't act as badly as I did. "I can't wait to go home. When do we get to leave?" When do we get to leave? Well, I can leave anytime I want, but Faith and the baby have to stay here for a couple days.

"Well, I think you get to leave tomorrow, but Addison needs to stay here for a couple more days to get all of the testing and stuff done. Now, when you get released tomorrow do you want Dawn to keep Matthew for another day. I know you're going to be really tired, so it's up to you." She thinks about it for a couple of minutes. I know that she's conflicted. She doesn't want Matthew to feel pushed off to the side by the new baby but she really should have at least one day of peaceful rest. She leans into me and I wrap an arm around her shoulders. Her breasts are so sore that she almost cries when she feeds the baby. I feel so bad for her. I didn't get that bad when I was breast-feeding Matthew, so I have no idea what she's going through right now. She opens her eyes and looks over at me, she looks so tired. I don't think I've ever seen her look so exhausted.

"One day of peace sounds perfect, but I don't wanna leave her alone. I'm not leaving until she leaves." Aw, there's her good ol' maternal instincts kicking in. She was really protective of Matthew when he was a baby, she was extremely cautious of strangers even the clerks down at the grocery store that we shop at every week. And because she gave birth to Addison those instincts are going to be so much stronger. Or maybe not, I'm not one hundred percent positive. But I can tell you that she is going to be protective. "Have you had anything to eat today?" I nod my head yes but I'm lying. I've been lying in bed with her mostly, and then I took a couple of bathroom breaks and then the phone call. It's...two in the afternoon and I should get something to eat but I don't want to leave her side. I'm protective too ya know. "Liar. Go get something to eat, I'm not going anywhere. I maybe have given birth but I'm still a slayer, I can defend myself if I need to." She smiles and leans up and kisses me on the lips. I don't want to leave her alone. Aw, and it looks like I won't have to. "Hey Kennedy." The younger slayer walks into the room and says her hellos. I give her this look like 'protect her or you die very bloody'. She nods her head a little bit and I look back to Faith.

"Food sounds of the good. I'll be back in a little bit ok?" She nods her head yes and I give her another kiss. I don't want to leave her but she wants me to get something to eat so I'm going to go walk around the halls for a few minutes and then come back and say that I had something to eat. I'm not very hungry right now and I don't want to leave her for very long. I walk out of the room and spot someone at the nurses station. I can't believe they're here already. I just talked to them like what, five minutes ago? I run up and him and wrap my arms around him and give him a big hug. He does the same to me and then we pull apart. "I'm so glad you're here. You won't believe how beautiful she is, and Faith was amazing. I wish you could have been here to see it." He smiles at me and I smile back.

"Well that sounds good in theory but I don't think Faith would have appreciated my being in the room at the time. You remember how she acted w hen you gave birth to Matthew don't you?" I laugh a little at that. Faith was so overprotective when I was giving birth. She didn't let anyone but the doctor and three nurses in the room because she didn't want to have to hurt anymore people then that if something went wrong. I smile up at him, he always makes me feel safe. After the battle with the First we all took some time off and we rebuilt our relationships big time. I mean, they all betrayed me, kicked me out of my own damn house even if I was acting crazy I had still been right, but now things are good. I just wish I can see him more. Unfortunately I getting my wish, but not the way I wanted it to come true. "Have you talked to Faith about the mission you're going on?" I sigh heavily but I don't answer him. "Buffy." Great, now he's in disappointed watcher mode. "You need to tell her and quickly. You'll be leaving in a month and I know that seems like a long time now but if you don't deal with this as quickly as possible then it'll sneak up on you. You know I hate this as much as you do, leaving Faith with a newborn and your son, but it has to be done. I need one of you to help me defuse the situation and it would be best if Faith stays behind." I sigh again only this time it's angrier then the other.

"I still don't understand why you can't take Kennedy. Even before she became a slayer she was good with the combat stuff, I put her in charge of training the girls and she did a good job." I can tell he's not really listening. He's already made up his mind and he needs me but I still don't like it. "And if you take Kennedy then Willow can go with her and help out with the magic stuff. I can't just leave Faith alone, Giles, I can't. She just had our baby, she's going to need me here." I'm trying to keep my voice low, I really am but this is hard. I don't want to leave Faith but Giles needs my help. Apparently the girls at the facility in Ohio are starting to get a little unruly and Giles thinks that a visit from one of the original slayers will help get them back in line. Ya know, show 'em who's boss, and how even though they have the power they won't have what it takes to be a slayer unless they train.

"I've already spoken with Willow this morning, she's going as well. I've yet to talk with Xander but I think a visit from the original scoobies will do the girls some good. Because unless something changes and soon then both you and Faith will have to go back to active duty and I really don't think she'll be too happy about that." Damn, I hate it when he's right. If those girls don't straighten out and soon then me and Faith are going to have to move to Cleveland to defend the hellmouth there. I may get sick of the people in this town but this is our home. We can't just up and leave because a hellmouth needs protecting. We can't have some junior slayers watch our kids whenever there's a big problem. Faith and I agreed that slaying is still going to be a part of our lives because we're slayers, we can't ignore it, and we do go patrolling at least four nights a week to get it out of our systems, but we're not going to let it control us. "You'll only be gone for two months. I just need to you stick around for a while, and show them what it really means to be a slayer. They look up to you and Faith, you are the equivalent to a celebrity at that facility. It'll do them a lot of good if you were to come and stay, teach them what it means to be a slayer. I can only do so much as a watcher." I sigh and fight back the tears. I hate this so much. "Now, we agreed that it would be easier for Faith if she stays behind, and I have some of my best people in charge so if you need me to stick around until it's time to leave then I will, but I really need you there for a little while." I turn the sadness of leaving into anger. Those girls need guidance, well they're going to get it. They've had their fun, when I get there I'm going to crack the whip on them, figuratively, and they are going to show me respect, or they'll end up face first in the dirt, and that is not a figure of speech.

"Fine, I'll go. But if you expect me to be nice to them then you need to get your head checked." My voice is pretty stern and I can feel the slayer start to take over. I take a deep breath and try to calm down. I suppress all my anger enough to the point where I can fake happiness. I make my voice sound pleasant but he knows I'm still in a bad mood. "They already took Addison off to get some tests done, I don't know how long that's going to take, but Faith is awake. She'll be happy to see you." I sound more distance then I wanted but he understands that this is hard for me. He's asking a lot and he knows that I'm not going to show those girls any slack. Right now he's being cautious because he knows that if he were to ask any more from me I'd probably snap, and the last thing anyone needs right now is a rogue slayer. I lead him down the hall and into Faith's room. She's glad that he came but she's trying to play the part of the 'badass slayer' and she isn't showing her excitement. She is showing her concern because even though I'm acting like nothing is wrong she can tell that something just isn't right. "It's ok, baby, I'm just a little tired." That's what I tell her but she knows I'm lying and it hurts me so bad to do it but she just gave birth her body isn't strong enough for me to unload that kind of information on her right now. I'm afraid that she could have heart failure again or something. I just don't know what to do.

"Ok, Mom, here's your little girl back." The nurse says as she wheels the cart back into the room. Addison is crying, she must be hungry. She wheels the little basinet thing up to the side of the bed and I carefully pick up our crying girl. The nurse smiles and I give little Addy a kiss on the nose before I hand her to Faith. "We did all of the standard tests and we didn't find anything wrong. We did the temperament testing on her like you requested and if she gets fussy and she isn't hungry and doesn't need to be changed then rock her and sing to her a little and she seems to calm down quicker if you rub her tummy while you sing." Singing, I don't think Faith sang to Matthew, I did, but Faith wouldn't. "We want to keep her overnight for observation and if everything goes fine then she'll be ready to take home tomorrow." Good, that's very good. The soon we get home the sooner I can tell Faith that I'm going to be leaving. Oh God, I just realized, this is November, I'm going to be gone for two months, I'm going to miss Christmas and New Years. This SUCKS! Oh, those girls are going to wish they never acted up.

"God, Faith, that's so gross." Kennedy says from her chair on the other side of the bed. Faith is feeding Addison now and apparently Kennedy doesn't like what she's seeing. "Doesn't that hurt? It looks like it hurts." Right, something you should know about Kennedy, she's as curious about the world around her as a five-year-old. She asks a million questions about everything, and she says it's because she wants to be well informed, but I think it's just because she wants to annoy us. I watch and barely listen as they carry on a conversation. I can't help but be a little depressed. I have to leave this, all of this. My family, my new little baby, I might even miss Kennedy. And what really hurts is I'm lying to Faith. Every time she's asked me what's wrong, every time I got off the phone with Giles and she asked me who was on the phone and I tell her Willow. She isn't stupid, she knows I'm talking to Giles, but I don't want her to worry.

"I can't wait to go home tomorrow. One night of sleep in my own bed is all I want." Faith says and smiles. She knows as much as everyone in the room that she isn't going to get a full night's sleep. Nope, she's going to be up almost every two hours to feed the little baby nestled in her arms right now. I lean over and give Faith a kiss on the temple. I love her so much, I don't want to leave, but if I don't then our lives might change forever in a very bad way. I don't want to move to Cleveland permanently, so to keep that from happening I have to leave for two months and teach those little snobs what it's like to be a real slayer. "Buffy, what's wrong?" Oh God, she sounds so concerned. I can't do this anymore I have to come clean with her. But not here, not now. She's so happy and I can't be the one to ruin that.

"Nothing baby, I'm just tired. I need to go get something to eat, I ran into Giles on my way to the cafeteria. But I'll be back soon." I give her a kiss on the lips and then lean down and kiss our baby on the head before I get up and leave the room. I'm scum, I don't deserve any of this right now. She may not want to tell me things, but she's never flat out lied to my face before. I'm betraying her trust, and her trust isn't easily won. If this is for her own good then why do I feel like such an ass right now?


	12. Telling Her, Leaving Her, Missing Her

**I am so so so so so sorry that I couldn't update sooner. But if I didn't get my schoolword done I would have been expelled and then my mom would have killed me and it's kind of hard to update a story from a coffin. So I hope you enjoy this chapter and I will get the next one written and posted as soon as possible.**

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****Two Weeks Later.** BPOV

I still haven't told Faith about me leaving. I've been putting it off for way too long. I leave in two weeks and there's no getting around it. I know she'll understand why I have to go. She had to leave too when I was pregnant with Matthew, but I know this is entirely different. I was only pregnant. I could handle things on my own, but I'm leaving her alone with a newborn and a five-year-old. Kennedy is going to pretty much be living here. I feel horrible because Willow and Kennedy know that I'm leaving before Faith does. That wasn't really my choice though, Giles asked Willow to go with us and then she told Kennedy about it and I guess Kennedy asked about me and Willow can't tell a lie to save her life. Well, that's not exactly true, she can lie, but not to the people that are close to her. Ok, that is so not the point. I'm getting off the subject again. What the hell? I hear my bedroom door being slammed and now Matthew is walking out into the living room, pouting, his arms are folded across his chest.

"What's the matter, sweetie?" He doesn't answer me, doesn't even acknowledge that I'm in the room. Maybe didn't hear me. He climbs up onto the couch and throws himself against the back of it and pouts some more. God, this kid sure does take after me. I walk over to the couch and sit down next to him. He still isn't looking at me. He's been doing this a lot since we brought Addison home. He gets mad at Faith for whatever reason and then he pouts and ignores me. "Matthew, what's the matter?" He huffs and puffs a little bit, but he doesn't say anything. I put my thumb and index finger on his chin to gently turn his head so that he's looking at me. His eyebrows are furrowed but he doesn't fight against me in any way. "Why are you so mad, baby?" He takes in a deep breath and lets it out pretty quickly. I gently wraps his hands around mine but doesn't pull it away from his face.

"Mama won't read ta me 'cause she's feedin the baby. She doesn't do anything with me anymore 'cause she always has to feed the baby." There's anger in his voice but mostly hurt from being rejected. I know Faith probably told him that she'd read to him in a couple of minutes but he's used to her reading to him whenever he wants her to, so him waiting like that just isn't something he's used to. I pray that he learns patience by the time I have to leave or else I'll feel even more guilty about leaving Faith with them. I know that the leaving is the right thing to do because if those junior slayers don't get their acts together then our future is screwed and we'll be forced to live on that hellmouth, and I don't want my kids growing up on a hellmouth.

"Matthew, I told you before you're just going to have to be patient. When Addison is hungry then Mama has to feed her, there's nothing we can do about it. It doesn't take her very long to feed the baby and then she'll read to you, but you're going to have to wait, ok?" He huffs and puffs and a little more but he nods his head yes. I don't want to ask him this but I feel like I need to. "Matthew, if I were to leave on a trip for a long time would you be extra good for Mama?" He looks up at me with a very questioning look. God, he looks just like Faith right now, well, except for the fact that he's a boy, but she gets that same expression on her face. "I'm not saying that I'm going on one, but if I did would you promise to be extra good?" He thinks about it for a couple of seconds and then he nods his head yes. He doesn't question me for asking him that which is really weird. I lean down and give him a kiss on top his head. "I need to go talk to Mama, will you go play outside with Tucker?" He nods his head yes and then jumps off the couch. Getting Tucker used to the baby isn't as hard as we thought it was going to be. He seems to know that she's fragile and he avoids her at all costs. He doesn't go near the nursery when she's in it and he doesn't touch any of her stuff. I get up and walk into my bedroom. Faith is sitting up on the bed with her back against the headboard. She's looking down at Addison and smiling and whispering to our girl as our baby eats.

"And when you're five you get to go to this place called school where there's lots of other kids for you to play with you. And when you get older like thirteen or fourteen you're gonna be interested in boys, but you're not dating until you're eighteen. Sorry toots, that's just the way it's gonna be," she whispers to her and smiles wider when Addison grunts a little bit. I can't help but smile at the sight of this and then I feel horrible again because I'm going to miss out on so much. "And when you do start dating you're going to date a nice guy, I don't want any of that teenage rebellion and dating the dangerous lookin guys. You want one that's gonna treat you right. And the same goes if you're more into girls. No matter who you date they need to be nice." I roll my eyes a little bit and walk into the room. Faith looks up and smiles at me and then looks down at Addison again. "And you're not going to drink or smoke or do any kinds of drugs or you'll be grounded to your room until you're thirty." I roll my eyes again and sit down on the bed. I scoot over so that I'm sitting really close to Faith. I rest my back against the headboard and gently rub Addison on the top of the head.

"It's good that you're setting ground rules but don't you think you should wait until she actually knows what you're saying?" I tease a little. I lean in and give her a gentle kiss on the lips and then pull back to look down at our little baby. Her eyes aren't as gray as they used to be. In just two weeks they've darkened up a little bit but her doctor said tha it could take years for them to turn brown. They're a really dark gray right now so everybody thinks they're brown anyway. I give Faith a kiss on her cheek, right where her dimple would be if she were smiling right now. Ok, I'm guilty I'm trying to butter her up a little bit because it's time to have 'the talk'. As much as I hate it and I'd rather have Giles here to back me up I know this is something that I need to do alone. She'll understand, she had to leave when I was pregnant to do a mission. But like I said before I was only pregnant, she'll be taking care of a newborn and Matthew almost all by herself. "Faith, I know this is going to win the worst timing of the year award but I need to tell you something, but first I need you to promise me that you won't say anything until I'm done, ok?" I can tell that she's already worried but she promises not to say anything. I wonder how long it's going to last. Faith isn't one to be quiet for very long she has to have her opinion heard, it's one of the things I love about her most. Addison stops eating and starts to fuss a little bit. Faith uses a soft rag to wipe off the extra milk on Addison's mouth and then she gently places her in the basinet next to the bed. She turns back to me and gives me this 'well are you gonna talk or what?' type look. I guess it's now or never.

"Over the last couple months I've been talking to Giles, a lot more then I've let on. We've been talking at least twice a day and I lied about it because I didn't want you to worry. You can probably tell by my tone that this isn't good news. I'll try to get right to the point." I pause for a couple of seconds and toy with some imaginary lint on the comforter. "The slayers over in Ohio, the freshmen ones...well they're not listening to any of the watchers. They're just kind of doing their own thing and they're using their slayer powers for their own personal gain. They're not showing up for classes and they're not training anymore. Giles says that they're getting worst and he said that if something doesn't change soon then we'll have to move to Cleveland to protect the hellmouth." I can tell she wants to say something but she's respecting my 'no talking until I'm done' request which I'm glad for. I have tears in my eyes now just thinking about this next part. "He thinks that it would be good for them if I went there for a little while. He told me that they look at us as if we're celebrities or something. He thinks that if I go there and show them what a slayer really is then they'll straighten out." I take a deep breath and open my mouth to speak but she beats me to it.

"Sorry to interrupt but the way you're wordin this it sounds like you're going by yourself. You know that if you go then I'm going with you right?" I don't say anything and she crosses her arms over her chest. She's getting defensive, that's never good. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out slow. "How long does he want you to be there?" This is the part that I know she's going to hate. If I don't handle this right then there could be screaming and yelling and I really don't want to fight about this. I don't want to go as much as she wants me to stay but I have to go. Our futures depend on it. I take in a deep ragged breath and wipe the tears off of my cheeks as they slide down my face.

"Two months, at least. We still haven't talked about everything yet. He says that if everything goes ok then I'll be able to come home for Christmas but he isn't sure about New Years, or our birthdays. I know this sucks, but baby think about it. If I don't go there now and get the ones in training back on track then we'll have to move there. And we have roots here, Matthew's in school, he has friends, we have a life here now, this is our home. I don't want to have to give this up just because some hormonal teenagers think they're better then they really are." That was a little harsh, but I don't care. "And we, we being Giles and me, both think it would be best if you stayed here. You just had a baby, so the stress of that and then flying to Ohio and then having to get used to everything would be too much. I'm not the only one going. Willow and Xander are going with me. Giles thinks that if the whole Scooby gang goes then it'll motivate them to do better. And Giles already talked to Willow about it so Kennedy already knows and she said that she'll stay here with you as long as you need to help you out with Matthew and Addison, and Katie said that she'd come over a couple times a week to help out too now that Miranda is older." Xander's baby girl, I can't remember how old she is now, a few months. Katie gave birth in January, I guess I forgot to mention that. Faith is still being really quiet and I know that this isn't a good thing. "Faith, say something, please." I sound like I'm begging but I don't care.

"I need to be alone." What? I look into her eyes and she's pissed off, really pissed off but I don't want to leave. We need to talk about this. "I need to think about this for a while and I can't do that with you sitting right there. Go away, please." I want to give her a kiss but I know she won't let me. She hates being touched when she's angry. She needs her space and I have to give it to her. I smile a small very sad smile before I get up and leave the room. Matthew is standing in the hallway, I guess he heard the entire thing because he has a sad confused look on his face. I wipe the rest of my tears away and put on a brave face because if he sees how this is effecting me then it'll make it so much worst for him. I hold out my hand and he wraps his fingers around my ring finger and I lead him outside. I don't want him to be in the house right now because I can hear Faith crying. As much as I want to go in there I have to stay away because she wants to be alone right now. I sit down in one of the plastic lounge chairs and watch as he plays with is toy trucks in the patch of dirt that used to be my beautiful garden.

"Mommy," he says and I jump a little at the sound of his voice. I must've zoned out. He's standing in front of me, a serious expression is on his face and if I wasn't afraid of what he's going to say then I would think that it's cute, which it is but I can't think about that because I know he overheard the conversation I had with Faith. "Why are those girls bein bad? You said to Mama that Grandpa Giles needs you in Ohio 'cause those girls are bein bad. But why are they bein bad?" I sigh heavily and think about the question. Why are they being bad? Well, I know a little bit of the story. It's mostly because they need guidance and Giles and the other watches can only guide them so far but because they're just humans they don't really know what the girls are going through. And one girl named Lily Montgomery, seventeen-years-old came from a bad home, has a bad attitude, reminds Giles of Faith when she first showed up in Sunnydale, has decided to become the leader of these girls and they look up to her because she has the confidence that they need. Giles says that she has the potential of becoming a great leader and an equally great slayer but she gets into trouble, she encourages them to do bad things and skip classes and ignore the watches. She has a problem with authority figures in that she doesn't listen to them. She lives by her own rules and the watchers are having a hard time dealing with her because they're just humans and she's a slayer. That why Giles wants me because I'm strong enough and experienced enough to fight off a slayer like her.

"Because they're listening to this one girl when they shouldn't, and she's having them do bad things, and Grandpa Giles wants me to go Ohio to help make her good again." It's not like she's evil or anything, she's just a teenage misfit who not only has the potential of being a great slayer but also a real problem to society. "And I'm going to be gone for a long time, but I have to go, sweetie, and you have to stay here and help take care of Mama and Addison, ok? I know that it isn't fair, but I need you to be a big boy and help your mama take care of your sister. Can you do that for me? It's really important." I really don't want to put this kind of pressure on him but if I don't then he'll probably act up even more after I leave and I don't want Faith to have to deal with that. He thinks about it for a few minutes and then he nods his head yes. I smile and pick him up and give him a big hug. He hugs me back and we sit there like that for a couple of minutes. Then we hear Addison start to cry. I don't worry about it too much because Faith is in there and no matter how pissed off she is at me she won't let Addison suffer because of it. Ok, or maybe I'm wrong because it's been two whole minutes and Addison is still crying. I put Matthew down and he follows me in the house. I go into my bedroom and Faith isn't in there. She's probably in the bathroom or something. I pick Addison up and carry her into the nursery, that's where the changing table is.

"You wanna help me, sweetie?" I ask Matthew. He nods his head yes and steps a little closer to me. "Ok, will you go get me a diaper?" We keep forgetting to bring the bag of diapers over to the changing table. He runs over to the closet and pulls one out as best he can but it's stuffed in there pretty tight so three or four fall out. He picks those ones up too and brings them over to me. I smile at him and he hands me one. "Thank you, you're a really big help." I smile at him and he puffs out his chest a little with pride. This is only a wet diaper which is good because it'll be easier to convince him to take it to the trash in the kitchen because it doesn't smell. I carefully wipe her and put the fresh diaper on her. I leave the others lying on the table, we'll need them later anyway, might as well have them in reach. I put the wipes inside the wet diaper and clasp the little tabby thingies so that it's in a tight ball. "Will you go throw this away for me?" He gives me a weird look and I smile at him. "It's only pee, just go throw it away." He rolls his eyes but does as I ask. He may be a brat sometimes but he lives to please. "Alright baby girl, you're ok. Shh, you're fine." She hates having her diaper changed. She doesn't like the feel of the cold wipes. I pick her up and gently rock her in my arms and carefully pat her stomach. We have to be careful because the umbilical stump thingy still hasn't fallen off yet.

"Mommy, I threw it away," he says as he walks back into the room. I smile at him and praise him for doing a good job. He gets even more prideful, his ego is almost as big as Faith's. Now that Addison has gone back to sleep I can put her back in the basinet. After she's all tucked away and off in dream land I go looking for Faith, no pun intended. I find her on the front porch, smoking what looks like her third cigarette, and I'm judging that solely on the fact that there are two cigarette butts in the little clay flower pot she uses as an astray that I cleaned out a few days ago. As much as I'd rather she not smoke I don't blame her for doing it. This is a stressful situation, she needs to calm down a little bit. She's been handling all the other stress just fine, the stress of getting up every two hours and feeding Addison and the stress that Matthew is putting us through with his jealousy, but this is just too much for her to handle and I get it, I really do.

"When are you leaving?" she asks as I sit down next to her. I hate to admit it but I've missed the smell of her clove cigarettes. Don't as me why, I just have. I sigh heavily and run a hand through my hair. She isn't as mad now but I'm still afraid to touch her. I don't want to push her over the edge and start a fight. I'm surprised we didn't fight earlier. I'm just glad I left when she asked me to otherwise it would have been a very big fight. I sigh again and watch as the smoke she just exhaled swirls around in the cool air.

"Two weeks." She stops breathing for a couple of seconds and then takes another drag. This situation is making me want to smoke and I've never had a cigarette before. "Giles wants me to leave as soon as possible but I told him that I want to spend more time with you, and Matthew and Addison. I already told Matthew that I have to leave, I just haven't told him when or for how long. Giles has been bugging me about leaving earlier but I don't want-"

"Then go." What? I look over at her and I know my eyes are really wide. She inhales and then exhales another drag from her cigarette and then stomps it out on the porch and puts the butt in the flower pot. "I don't mean ta sound harsh but the way you're makin it sound you really need ta go there and get everyone back in line. And the sooner you get that done the soon you can get back. Our birthdays are never really a big deal and we can't really go away to celebrate 'cause Addy, but promise you'll be back for Christmas." Christmas has always been a big deal for us. I can feel the tears building up in my eyes. I don't want to leave and I really don't want to leave earlier then I planned. I know that Willow and Kennedy are spending every waking moment together, same with Xander and his family. They don't have to leave with me, I can go before them but I was hoping we'd all go together for that good ol' fashioned scooby support system we've had going on since high school.

"I promise I'll be back. No matter what Giles says I'll come back even if I have to walk all the way from Cleveland." She knows I'm not joking, and I'm not. "I'll go earlier if you think it's best but I really don't want to." I lean over and wrap my arms around her. I know she's still pissed but I can't take it anymore, I need to feel her. She wraps her arms around me and holds me as I cry. I can feel her hot tears land on my neck and I start to cry even harder. What started as soft tears have now become loud body shaking sobs and I don't think I can handle this. I'm not as strong as I used to be, I need her with me, I don't think I can do this alone. "I love you so much. You know I'm only leaving because I have to, don't you? You know that I don't have a choice?" In all honesty I do have a choice. I could tell Giles no that I'm not leaving, but this way is better because it'll help protect our futures and if I can get that one slayer under control and put her back in line then the others will do the same and then we won't have to move.

"I know. I'm gonna miss you so much." She's crying harder now too. "I know you wanna wait, B, but it would be better if you leave as soon as ya can. You already told Mattie that you're goin and if you stick around then he'll just get really upset when you go. If we dwell on it then we'll just be more depressed." I can't believe she's saying these things, but I know she's right. We sit out on the porch in each other's arms for a few more minutes. Then Matthew opens the door and tells us that Addison is crying. Faith gives me a lingering kiss on the lips and then gets up to go check on our girl. I sit there for a couple of seconds feeling cold and lonely. Then Matthew walks up to me and wraps his arms around my neck. I almost break down again right there but I need to be strong for him. We pull apart and I go into the living room. He goes off into his bedroom, probably to cry. He does that a lot now, ever since he turned six and became a 'big boy' he doesn't want to cry in front of us so he'll go into his bedroom. We check on him of course and make sure that he's ok but we give him some space if he wants us to leave. I pick up the phone and dial the cell phone number that I know by heart.

"Giles, it's Buffy." I don't sound pleased at all. I listen to him shuffle around a little, he's probably packing up his stuff early so he'll be ready to go when we leave, which was supposed to be in two weeks. "I talked to Faith about it. She's pissed and doesn't want me to leave but she understands. She thinks it would be better for all of us if I leave earlier then I planned." He asks how much earlier and I take a deep breath. I really don't want to do this. "She said as soon as possible, but I don't want to go until the day after tomorrow. I want one last day with them because I won't be seeing them until Christmas. And I don't give a shit is the world is ending I will be coming home for Christmas." He knows not to go against me when I'm this angry, so he says that it's fine and he'll call the piolets of his private jet and let them know about the schedule change. He tells me the only time we'll be able to leave and I cringe a little. I sigh again before I continue. "Will you do me a favor? Call Willow and Xander and tell them that I'll be leaving soon. I don't want them to leave early, they need to spend time with their families, but Faith thinks I should go, so I'm going to go." We talk for a couple more minutes and then we say goodbye and hang up. Now that the phone call is out of the way I should start to pack. I don't want to do it tomorrow, I want to spend as much time as I can with my family before I leave. He told me that the only time we'll be able to leave the day after tomorrow is at five in the morning because the plane will leave at seven thirty and then land in Cleveland at five thirty that night. I don't know what time it'll be in Cleveland because the time zones are different.

I don't want to do this, but I have to. I go into Matthew's room to check on him. He's cried himself to sleep. I walk in and give him a kiss on the forehead and then gently lift him up and put him under the covers. I leave the room and go into my bedroom. Faith is sitting on the bed, holding Addison as she sleeps. I walk over to her, tears in my eyes and I give her a kiss on the lips. I tell her when I'll be leaving and she tenses up. She said as soon as possible but I guess she wasn't thinking it would be so soon. She watches as I pack up my luggage. I'm only going to take the clothes that I think I'll need. It snows there a lot so only heavy warm stuff. I leave my toothbrush because I'll need it later and I can always buy a new one. Then I pack up some sentimental things, pictures of Faith and Matthew, a couple of photo albums, my jewelry box, and the new pictures that we just printed, the ones of Addison and Faith at the hospital and then the first two or three days we brought her home. They're saved to the computer as well because we have a digital camera, so Faith can print out more, but I'm going to need these. I sit down on the bed and Faith hands me our daughter. I give her a little kiss on the forehead and one of my tears drips down and lands on her face. Where it landed and the way it's now running down her soft skin it almost looks like it came from her. I lean over and give Faith a kiss on the lips that doesn't deepen but it lingers for a full minute. I hate this so much, but it has to be done. Sometimes I hate being a slayer more then anything else in the world.

FPOV

I cannot believe this. She's leaving me. I know it's because she's one of the original slayers and Giles asked her to do it as a favor to him, but I still can't believe it. More then I can't believe that it's happening is the fact that she hid it from me. She could have told me sooner. Now that I'm thinking about it I'm glad she didn't tell me. I probably would have gone into labor earlier then I did. I'm finally starting to get a little better. I'm not as sore, except for my breasts, but I'll get used to that. I can't wait to start training again and get back into shape. Now that Buffy's leaving I guess I'll have to spar with Kennedy. Since she's a slayer I don't have to hold back like I would with a regular person, but it's just not the same. When I spar with Buffy it's like we're totally in tune with each other. I'm going to miss her so much. She's leaving tomorrow, really early, but I'll probably be up to see her leave. Addy wakes me up at four thirty to eat so I'll just stay up to say goodbye.

She won't be landing in Cleveland until five or six that night, and she won't get to the facility until eight maybe nine. It takes an hour and a half to get there and that's if the traffic is good. She promised to call as soon as she can and she's going to call every night before Mattie has to go to bed so that she can talk to him. It's going to be so hard hearing her voice but not seeing her face. She's going to e-mail and stuff and Willow said that when she gets there she promises to take pictures of Buffy being strict with the little slayers. I really want to know what she's going to say to them. She's really pissed off at them right now, which I think she has every right to be. I know she isn't going to go easy on them at all, I just hope she does a good job. I think they'd look up to me a little better because apparently this other slayer that they're listening to is a lot like how I used to be. But I can't leave. Buffy's right, it would be too much stress on all of us.

"Buffy." I whisper softly. We went to bed about half an hour ago. We spent the entire day together. Since I'm still too tired to leave the house we had a little picnic in the backyard, Addison got to go out too. We have this little chair thing for her that is slanted so she isn't sitting up all the way but she was able to see us. Since it was warm outside we didn't have to worry too much about her getting sick but we kept it short because we didn't want to chance it. We played with Mattie, and I read to him, all of his favorite books, and Buffy watched. She's been taking a lot of pictures and putting them on the computer. She put all of them in a certain folder and then e-mailed the folder to herself. When she gets to Cleveland she's going to download the pictures to a computer there and print them out. She's still going to miss so much though. Addison's first bath, Matthew's science fair thingy that's in two weeks. Kyle helped him build a little volcano thing and when you pour some chemical inside it reacts weird and pours out of it and looks like an erupting volcano. And you have no idea how much fun I had teasing Kyle about that. I said so many jokes I should have had a microphone in my hand and been standing in front of a brick wall. "Buffy, you awake?" She mumbles something but she's asleep. I'm feeling needy, and I really need her awake right now, my slayer healing has healed me faster then a normal woman would have healed after giving birth so it's safe for us to do this. If she wants to, but I know she'll want to. "Buffy, wake up." I gently shake her shoulder a little and she wakes up, sort of.

"What? Faith, what is it?" I can tell that she's still half asleep. Oh well, good enough for me. I start to kiss her and it takes her a few seconds to respond but she does. The more she wakes up the more aggressive I get. I can't help it. She's going to be gone for a long time, I just want this one more time before she leaves. I roll her over onto her back and lay down beside her. We continue to kiss and I tease the warm skin on her stomach with my finger tips. We have to do this quick though because Addison could wake up at any minute. I slip my hand passed the elastic of her panties and she moans into my mouth. I enter her with fingers and she moans out again. She's going to have to be a little quieter then that. I continue to kiss her as I slowly thrust in and out of her. I'm going really slow, way slower then I normally would and she's gently rocking her hips. We build up a steady rhythm and she's doing her best to be quiet. I feel her hand travel down my body and she enters me slowly, cautiously. I rock my hips against her touch and she speeds up a little. I can feel her holding back as she gives me a chance to catch up. We haven't had sex in what I would call a long time so it doesn't take me long to get to that point.

Her fingers rub firmly over my g spot and that sends me over the edge, she follows a few seconds later. The only sounds in the room is our heavy breathing and the occasional snort from Addison. I kiss her neck and suckle on her earlobe for a few minutes. Then the alarm clock starts to go off, we set it low so hopefully Addison won't wake up. No such fucking luck. She starts crying and we're forced to separate sooner then we wanted to. "I love you." I kiss her deeply and then we go our separate ways. She heads off to the bathroom to get a shower and I feed our baby. I try to keep the tears back at the thought of her leaving, but they fall anyway.

I look down at the little baby in my arms and I can't believe how much she looks like Buffy. She has my lips and nose but everything else is Buffy, well, her eyes are different but the shape of her eyes are the same. I don't think I'm going to be able to do this. I know that Kennedy and Katie are going to be coming over a lot to make sure that I'm ok, but they're not Buffy, they don't know me like she does. I don't think I'm going to be able to stay here without her. Maybe for a couple of weeks but not for two months. At she said two months at least, if she can't get those slayers back on track by the second month then she'll be staying longer. I don't think I'd be able to live with that. She walks back into the room and puts her toothbrush and hairbrush in her carry on bag. My tears aren't as silent as they were before and she turns to look at me. She crawls up on the bed and takes me in her arms the best she can since I'm still feeding Addison.

"I love you so much. I promise I'll call as soon as I get there. It's going to seem like forever but hopefully it won't be as bad as we think it is." What is she talking about? It's going to be worst then we think it is. Giles is waiting outside, do you wanna get out of bed or just say bye now?" I don't know what I want to do. I carefully pull Addison away from me and set her down on the bed. She starts to cry but this will only take a minute, she can wait a little. I wrap my arms around Buffy and hug her tightly to my body. We're both crying now and I feel like I can't breathe. She pulls back enough to look at my face and she kisses me deeply. I kiss her back as best I can but I'm having a little difficulty doing anything but focusing on this tight pain in my chest. She pulls back and leaves a couple of little kisses on my lips. "I love you." She kisses me again and we pull back after a couple of seconds.

"I love you so much." I kiss her again and then she pulls away. She looks down at our crying baby and leans down and gently kisses her on the forehead. She says a soft 'I love you' and then she looks into my eyes again. She leans in and leaves another kiss on my lips and then she leaves the room, slowly and reluctantly but she leaves. I pick Addison up and hold her up to my breast. She latches on instantly and starts to suck away. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to this feeling. I listen very carefully and I can hear her in Mattie's bedroom. She wakes him up and says goodbye to him. He sleeps like a fucking rock so he'll go right back to sleep and probably won't even remember her saying goodbye to him. Then she walks out the front door, closes it and then locks it back up. I hear the horn of the car honk three times and then it leaves. I can't take this, I just can't take it. I start crying, but I have to calm down and control it because the erratic heaves of my chest is making it hard for Addison to eat and she's getting frustrated. I finally calm down enough and she calms down too. I use my right thumb to gently caress her little cheek.

"When your mommy gets home it'll still be too cold to go to the park, but we'll make sure to do something special for her. She might not need to stay a full two months, and she's going to be back at Christmas. Oh you're going to love Christmas, toots. Everyone is going to spoil you rotten. I know your aunt Willow is going to buy you all sorts of educational toys, but we love her anyway." I smile as she looks up at me. God, I miss Buffy already. I want her to crawl back into bed with me and hold me while I feed our daughter. I want her to pamper me like she has been. Breakfast in bed every morning, after Mattie goes to sleep and Addison is sleeping we'll take a bath together and she bathes me, in a hot sexy way, not a geriatric type of way. I know it sounds a little weird but I love the attention. "And we'll make sure to take lots and lots of pictures for her and send them to her so she can see you grow. I'll have aunt Kennedy take pictures of your first bath, yeah I will, even if I have to threaten to kill her." I smile and continue to gently stroke her cheek with my thumb as she drifts off to sleep. I watch her sleep for a couple of minutes and then I gently pull her off of me. I grab one of her blanket and gently wipe away the extra milk that's on her mouth. I toss it aside and then give her a little kiss on her forehead, right over the spot where Buffy kissed her earlier, and then I carefully put her in the basinet and lay down and try to go back to sleep.

I wake up to the sounds of crying. That happens every morning but this is different. I slowly open my eyes and take a look around. Why isn't Buffy in the bed with me? Right, I forgot, she left...an hour and a half ago. I look over at the basinet but Addy is sound asleep. I focus on the noise and it takes me a minute but I finally remember where it's coming from. I pick up the baby monitor and turn on the one that'll stay in the room and then I flip the other one on too. As quietly as I can I creep out of the room and walk down the hall. I slowly open Mattie's bedroom door and he's lying in his bed, his face buried in his pillow, crying his eyes out. The sight is heartbreaking to see and it almost makes me break down too. But I have to be strong, my boy needs me. I slowly walk into the room and set the little walkie talkie lookin thing down on the dresser and then sit down on the edge of his bed. I gently rub his back and his crying calms down a little bit. He looks up at me, his eyes are red, and his nose is really runny. He coughs a couple of times before he rolls over onto his back. I gently rub his stomach for a couple of seconds before I reach up and wipe his tears away.

"What's the matter, baby?" That's a really retarded question but I have to ask. He starts crying hard again and I scoop him up in my arms and hold him close to me. He wraps his arms around my neck and continues to sob. God, this is breaking my heart. I knew he was going to react badly, I thought he'd be worst then this, but I didn't think it'd hurt this much to see. "Shh, baby, everything's gonna be ok. Calm down baby. Shh." I continue to rub his back until he calms down. I have no idea how long it took for him to stop crying but he's stopped. I lay him back down on his bed and he crawls under the covers. He looks so tired and worn out and I think my heart broke just a little more. I sigh heavily and run my fingers through his hair. "Mattie, what's wrong?" He takes in a deep breath and sniffles loudly. I should go get him some toilet paper to wipe his nose but I'll wait until he answers the question.

"I had a bad dream." Oh, well, and here I thought it was going to be because Buffy left. "I dreamed that Mommy left. She woke me up and said goodbye, and she told me she loves me and she'll be back at Christmas." Or I could be right. Sometimes I hate it when I'm right. Rare I know, but it's still true. I sigh heavily again and give him this sad look. He seems to know what I'm trying to say without me actually saying. He furrows his eyebrows and gets this confused look on his face. "It wasn't a dream?" Tears are welling up in his eyes again and I think there are some in mine too. It would explain why everything is so blurry all of a sudden. He starts shaking his head back and forth. He sniffles really loudly again and I can't take it anymore. I know this is going to be gross, but I'm a mom, sometimes we have to do the gross stuff. I reach out with my hand and put the juncture between my thumb and index finger up to his nose and then add some pressure. Eww, eww, eww, eww, and disgusting. I wipe the snot on his blanket, I'll wash it later, and he starts to cry again. "Mommy! I want Mommy!" He starts screaming at the top of his lungs. Ok, I need to calm him down befo- too late, Addy is crying now too.

"Shh, baby, shh." Addy isn't hungry or anything so she'll probably cry herself back to sleep, and if not then I'll be in there in a few minutes to calm her down. I lay down on the bed next to him, it's big enough for me to fit on. I wrap an arm around him and lay my head next to his. He rolls over and wraps his arms around me very tightly. If I weren't a slayer I wouldn't be able to breathe. I make those shushing sounds again and gently rock him back and forth. It takes a little longer then I thought it would but he finally cries himself to sleep. I lay there with him for a few minutes after he's out and I carefully untangle him from me and get out of the bed. I pick up the little monitor thing and slowly walk out of the room. I go back into my bedroom and pick Addy up and cradle her in my arms. I gently rock back and forth and make those soft shushing sounds again. "Addy girl, shh baby. It's alright sweetie, shh." I gently pat her on the stomach and it only take five minutes for her to fall to sleep. I put her back in the basinet and go out to the kitchen. I put on a pot of coffee and start to make breakfast. I'm not very hungry and I don't think Mattie is going to be hungry but I need to as least try. As the bacon sizzles I go out the garage and get Tucker his food. He's been sleepin in the training room since that night me and Buffy had that fight and she wanted me to get rid of him. Damn that was a long time ago.

Anyway, I put his bowl down on the ground and leave the door open and walk back into the kitchen. When the bacon is done I put it on a plate and then stick it in the microwave so it'll stay warm. I do the same with the pancakes, and the toast and the English muffins, and the waffles, and the French toast, and the eggs. I think I made too much food. Oh well, we'll just snack on it throughout the day, it'll get eaten up one way or another, even if I have to give it to Tucker. He'd really love that. With the baby monitor clipped onto the waistband of my pajama pants I go out front for a cigarette. I know I told Buffy that I'd stop smoking but I need one. This is just too much for me to handle all at once. I'll go for a couple of weeks and then I'll stop. Or maybe I'll stop after she gets back. I don't know when but eventually I will stop.

I remember when I had to leave Buffy when she was pregnant with Mattie. It was just in the beginning of the pregnancy so I didn't miss out on much. There was a group of demons, strong son's of bitches who were goin after the weaker slayers. Ok, well maybe weak isn't the right term. Less experienced, they were going after the less experienced slayers. I was gone for three months and it was hell. I wanted to run home to her every single day I was gone. I bought her a big teddy bear, one that's about as big as I am. I sprayed my perfume all over it and blew my cigarette smoke on it so it would smell like me. She loved it so much but it was a cheap substitute. She would cuddle up to it and smell it when we'd have phone sex. I know it sounds a little immature but we missed each other so damn much. I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I don't just need her here for the sex, if that's what you're thinkin. That's not it at all, ok, well it's a very small part of it. I just need her here, to help me, to hold me. I need to see her smile and hear her voice and hold her at night in my arms because that's when I feel safest. And yeah, I'll miss her touch, and the sound of her moanin my name but not as much as her just being here.

I sigh heavily and take the last drag of my cigarette. I smash it out on the porch and then put the butt in the flower pot. I go back into the house and Mattie walks out of his bedroom. His hair is so messed up I don't know if I'm going to be able to get all the tangles out of it. He walks down the hall, rubbing his eyes and yawning really wide. He looks up at me and then hold his arms up. I pick him up and he rests his head on my shoulder. I gently rub his back and he wraps his arms around my neck. I give his cheek a little kiss and he doesn't move, normally he would wipe at the spot. Well, that's something to be concerned about.

"Are you hungry? I made all of your favorites: pancakes, waffles, French toast, bacon, scrambled eggs..." I trail off because I don't know what else I made, I forgot already. He shakes his head no and I'm not going to push the issue. I grab the cordless phone and set the ringer volume to low and then walk into the kitchen again. I set the phone down and open the microwave door. He might not be hungry but I need to get at least one piece of bacon. Now, if I can just find the bacon under this massive pile of food. Screw it, I'll eat later. "You wanna lay down with me?" He nods his head yes and I smile a little. I pick the phone up and let Tucker outside and then I go into my bedroom. I crawl under the covers and lay down on the bed. I put the phone on the nightstand because Buffy said she would call at around nine if there's a phone on the jet. There's like a three hour time difference, I think, hopefully she knows that.

Mattie doesn't loosen his death grip on me for one second as he drifts off to sleep. Hearing his even breathing and feeling him breathe against me is lulling me off to sleep. And I'm so fucking tired. I'm tired from getting up every two hours, I'm tired from crying so damn much, I didn't get hardly any sleep last night because Buffy was leaving in the morning and I just couldn't get to sleep. She slept but it was troubled and she didn't get any rest. She probably passed out as soon as she got on the plane. I've been on the jet Giles bought it's really fuckin nice and comfortable. I know she'll call as soon as she gets to the facility and she'll probably get some more sleep and maybe something to eat. She said she was going to rest up from the jet lag and whatever not and then tomorrow she's going to start in on the slayers. I feel so bad for them, I can't help it. They have no idea what's about to hit them but at the same time it's hard to have sympathy because if it weren't for them and their...insolence, fuck I sound like Giles, then Buffy wouldn't be gone. I can't wait for her to come home so I can hold her in my arms again.

BPOV

After I left the house yesterday I cried the entire drive to the Sacramento airport, which took almost three hours. Apparently yesterday a lot people are driving down there to go on business trips or whatever else they need to do. We didn't have to wait to board the plane since it's a private jet. I have to admit that it's nice. I've only been on it twice before and I thought it was nice then, but Giles remodeled in here a little so now it's a lot nicer. I would have enjoyed it more but I was too sad. I cried myself to sleep on the plane ride to Cleveland so I didn't get a chance to call Faith. We landed and made it to the facility after dark, I don't remember what time. I called Faith as soon as I got to my room. I talked to her for a couple of minutes and then she handed the phone to Matthew. I couldn't really understand what he was saying because he was crying so hard. I started to cry too and then me and Faith exchanged watery I love you's and then we hung up. I cried myself to sleep that night and I woke up with a terrible headache. I ate some breakfast but I had to force it down because I wasn't hungry. I ran into a couple of the junior slayers and I yelled at them to get to class, I think they listened but I'm not sure. Giles is going to call an assembly in the large gym at two, it's only one thirty right now. But I still have to finish what I'm doing and by the time I get done it'll be time to give my big speech. I don't really have anything planned, I'm going to just speak from the heart, and for them that's a very bad thing.

I look up at the clock when I pick up the last sheet of transparent paper, it's for those projector things, you remember the time when Sunnydale lost all their voices and Giles had us meet in that college class room and he had those bloody pictures? Well, this is a lot like that only I printed these sheets differently so there are things already on them. I gather up the stack of ten pages and run for the gym. It takes me a couple of minutes to find it, this place is pretty huge, and then I compose myself before I walk into the room. It's the freshman class that's fucking up really badly, the rest of them are doing fine, so it's these girls that have been called to the room. There are about fifty of them, maybe a little less. They're all standing up, I told Giles not to pull out the bleachers for them to sit on, the gym is really cool the bleachers fold up into the wall, but I think it's like that at most high schools anyway, oh well, I still think it's kind of cool. Getting back on topic here. The girls are standing in five rows of about ten, for shortest to tallest. I take a look at the group and see that there are a little less then fifty. I keep my back perfectly straight and walk with a bit of a stomp and I'm pretty sure they all know that I'm pissed. They're standing pretty close to where the projector is in the middle of the room so I won't have to talk very loud for them to hear me.

I put the sheets of projector paper down on the table next to the large machine and put the top piece on the flat surface and then flip the switch. I look over at the large white screen that's been pulled down and they all look at it too. I hear a couple of 'awe's and 'isn't he cute?' What's on the screen is a picture that was taken at Matthew's sixth birthday party. He has cake frosting all over his mouth and Faith is leaning down next to him so she could get in the shot, she has frosting on her nose, but she didn't know it at the time. I smile a little as I remember that day. I shake my head back and forth just a tiny bit. I need to stay pissed off or else this isn't going to work the way I want it to. I turn back to the girls and scan them with my eyes again. I'm standing in my 'superior slayer stance'. You probably remember, legs apart, shoulders squared, jaw firmly set, arms at my side. A couple of them chance a glace at me and they look a little scared.

"This is my fiancé Faith and my son Matthew at his sixth birthday party that was in July." I take that one off and put on the next piece from the stack. It's a shot of me, Faith and Matthew when we went on a school field trip with him to a petting zoo. He didn't like it because a baby deer kept trying to eat his shirt. "This is us at a petting zoo on a school field trip in September." The next one is when Matthew was just a newborn baby. There are more awes and some whispering but it quickly stops. "This is me and my son when he was just two days old." I continue to go through them, there are pictures from my birthday party at a night club and then on Faith's birthday when we took a trip to Six Flags in San Francisco, and pictures from a couple of camping trips. Then I get to the last one and I leave it up for three minutes before I start talking.

"This is my daughter. Faith gave birth to her two weeks ago." There are a couple more awes but they die down quickly, they seem to know that this is going to a bad place. "Her name is Addison Kristine. She only weighs five pounds, Faith was in labor for almost ten hours, and she died after she gave birth, but luckily she was brought back and our daughter is healthy too." I go quiet and take the sheet of paper off the project but leave it on so the room has this eery glow to it. "And I'm going to miss out on so much because I had to come all the way out here to babysit a bunch of brats." My tone is as hard as ice and they all felt the chill. I scan then with my eyes again and stand in front of the projector so that I'm in the middle of the group and a few feet away. I'm still in that superior stance and some of them look uneasy.

"I'm going to be honest with you, I don't want to be here. I'd rather be at home helping my fiancé take care of our children. I'd rather be in the kitchen making Thanksgiving dinner then standing here talking to all of you. My son's school has a science fair in two weeks, he made a volcano. He was really excited about it because it's his first big school project and he has the chance to win a first place ribbon, and I'm going to miss out on that." I pause again and pace a little. I make eye contact with as many girls as I can before I stop again. "You have been skipping class, refusing to do your school work, leaving early from training sessions and that's when you bother to show up at all. You're not listening to your watches and I'll admit that there have been times in the past when I ignored mine, but I had a damn good reason to." Not always but they don't need to know that. "And now I have to leave my family to come here and clean up after your mess."

"Then go home." A girl from the front row says. This must be Lily. I've just been dying to meet her, that wasn't supposed to be sarcastic. Ok, about half of it was but I really do want to meet her, find out what she's about and why she's such a troublemaker. "If you don't want to be here then run back to your precious family. No one is forcing you to stay here, you're a big girl, you can make decisions all on your own." Giles was right this is a little Faith. I walk over to her, she's just as tall as I am, she has light brown hair that's shoulder length, brown eyes, her clothes are lose fitting but not baggy, and she has this superior look about her. The way she stands, the tone of her voice, and that rebellious look in her eyes. Giles is right, this girl is going to make a great slayer, she just needs the right type of training. I stand a foot away from her and she eyes me up and down, not checking me out in a sexual way, I don't think, she's just eyeing the competition.

"Did I say you could speak?" She opens her mouth to talk again. "No I didn't, so you be quiet and stay quiet." She opens her mouth again to say something but I cut her off again. I've had enough of her shit already. If I'm going to get any respect from her at all then she has to be submissive to me, she has to view me as the leader and one way to gain that is by overpowering her. I think I'll try mental overpowering first, I want to be as hands off as possible until we actually train. "Sit down." She doesn't move and she opens her mouth yet again to protest. "I said sit down." She doesn't do as I say and it's really irritating. Now I know how Giles felt when I wouldn't listen. "Sit down before I put you down." Again she doesn't move and she mutters something about not listening to dog commands. Before she can even blink I've grabbed her by the arm, spun her around and now she's lying flat on her stomach, her face is in the floor, and I'm holding her arms down at her sides, one of my knees is pushing into her back so she can't get up, the other is one the floor at her left side. The girls closest to us have moved away a little to give me some room. "The next time I tell you do to something you better fucking do it." I let go of her and stand up. She stands up but that's ok because I'm getting ready to end this little introductory. I stand in front of all of them and scan the room again, a lot more of them look scared.

"From now on you will all listen to me. I'm in charge, and that means you will go to your classes, you will do your work and you will train. Right now all of you are a disgrace to what a slayer is. You have no respect for the power that we posses or the history that we come from. I suggest you read up on it and get a fucking clue because being a slayer is more then acting tough and not listening to your watchers. I'll see you all in here tomorrow at three for your first training session. Anyone who is late or doesn't bother to show up will be punished by me. If you think the consequences will be light or I'm not something to be feared you need to get your fucking head checked. Recreation has been cancelled tonight for all of you. You are to be in your rooms after dinner and it's lights out at nine o'clock. If you have a problem with it or need extra time to finish your homework then you talk to me about it. Now get the hell out of my sight." They all leave to go to their afternoon classes, some of them have a free period but that's ok. I think it would be a good idea for them to spend as much time relaxing on their free periods because they are not going to bet getting a whole lot of free time until I'm done with them. Giles walks up to me and he's smiling a little. I can tell that he looks relieved.

"Well, that was a very interesting introduction. A little more cursing then I would have liked but I think you made a...lasting impression on them." I smile and give him a hug. He hugs me back for a few seconds and then we pull away. "The one that you pinned to the ground was Lily Montgomery. Like I told you over the phone she seems to be the leader of the freshman class. She arrived about five months ago. She's a high school drop out so that's why she's in the freshmen class even though she's seventeen. She'll give you a lot of problems and it won't be easy, but I'm sure you'll be able to handle anything she throws your way. You are you after all." I smile again and tell him that I need to get some lunch. I excuse myself but I don't go to the lunchroom. I wonder around the campus, looking in awe at the huge hallways. I hate to admit it but I really do like it there. The huge campus is really nice and well decorated, the outside is great, lots of grass and trees and stuff when it's not all covered in snow.

The facility is made of up three different buildings. The first building when you drive up is the main one. It has the office, the libraries three to be exact, the gym, the indoor pool, the class rooms, the different training areas, the lunchroom and kitchen, the recreation room that has a TV and some video game things and other stuff like that, and the faculty living area. To get to that you walk through a door that leads to a stairway, once you get to the top it's a large common room and then different doors and a couple of other stairs cases that lead to more doors and behind the doors are little apartments for the teachers. They have a bedroom, bathroom, living room and kitchen. Not too big and not too small, comfortable is how I would describe it. This is the largest building on the property.

The second largest is the freshman, sophomore and junior living area. From the first building you walk out a back door that leads to a large garden area and you walk down the stone path that leads to the second building. There's a large common area that has tables and lounge chairs and its where they usually do their homework or read or just hang out and relax. There's no TV in this building, they're only allowed to have radios. The common room is shaped kind of like a circle. There are three different staircases that lead to the second floor. Each staircase leads to a hallway and on each wall there are five doors. The rooms are very simple, two girls to each room, they each get their own side of the room to decorate with posters and stuff. They each get a closet and a dresser, kind of like my dorm back in college when I shared with Willow. There are one hundred and fifty kids living in this building, forty-eight freshmen, fifty sophomores, and fifty-two juniors.

The last building is the senior living area. We thought it would be nice for the seniors to have their own area to live in. It's built a lot like the other living area, a common room and then staircases that lead to the hallways that hold the bedroom, but they get TVs and stuff. We wanted to reward them for being seniors and all of the hard work that they do. The electricity is control from the office and we have the TV set up on special outlets that can be controlled from the office so all of them are off by midnight. There are only 67 seniors for a total of 217 students. Not very many now but we used to have a lot more. Giles just finished remodeling the living areas to make them smaller because so many rooms were going unused. And that's it really. Not much else to say about the buildings. They're really big, and really expensive and very nice looking. To everyone on the outside we look like a small private school that has a very strict acceptance policy. But to those who know better we are the only school for slayers. They come here when they get their powers, which is when puberty hits, and they leave when they graduate the slayer program. When they graduate depends on when they master the skills of a slayer. We are a certified school so they do graduate high school here and get their diploma and they can leave after that because they're eighteen and we can't make them stay, but most of them stay in our internship program to either become teacher's aides or go on to the slayer program and master their skills. Once they do that they can go out into the world and fight the baddies.

The internship program is really neat if you ask me. They help the teachers teach so each student gets individual attention if they need help on a math problem or whatever question they need help with. And they take the students out slaying. Only the most responsible fourteen and fifteen year olds get to go slaying. When they reach sixteen they go out in different groups lead by the interns. The seniors help lead the groups and only the most trained ones can break into little subgroups and go off slaying on their own but they have to be in groups of four and no less then that. So far only one student has died and it wasn't even slayer related. They got into a car accident after a night of partying. That's when the rules changed and only the eighteen year olds are allowed to leave the campus on weekends. We keep the minors entertained but I think they're starting to rebel because they're not allowed to leave. I know that I keep saying 'we' and you're probably thinking: but you live in California, you're not involved with this place. Well I may not visit but in the beginning right after the fall of Sunnydale we went to Cleveland to pick out a place, and gather up the girls. Willow used her magic to help decorate the place, and conjured up the beds and everything else they would need. She used a lot of magic but she kept it under control. Buffy and Faith stayed a couple of weeks and explained to the girls the importance of a slayer, what they do, why they do it, and how much fun it can be.

They also used Willow's help in making up class schedules and the other school stuff. They have it all figured out. The day starts off at seven. Breakfast is served until seven forty-five and the very first class starts at eight in the morning. There are two morning classes, and then lunch and then two afternoon classes, and then depending on the day of the week and what grade you're in, training from three until five. Each class is roughly an hour and a half long and there are extra activities that they do but it doesn't go towards their grades. They try to make them as fun as possible but it is training no matter what way you try to wrap your mind around it. There's swimming, cross country running, kick boxing, martial arts, gymnastics, football that was Kennedy's idea, and the most popular out of all of them is weaponry. This one is actually required for them to take, but this school hasn't seen a girl that has hated this class.

Anyway, after training, the girls hit the showers and then go back to their rooms to get dressed in some fresh clothes. Dinner is at six-thirty, and they usually talk with each other and socialize and all that other good stuff so it takes about an hours before they all clear out. From there they can do the recreation activities whether it's hanging out in the T.V. room and playing video games or going to the pool for a nice swim, the pool is indoor and heated so it can be used all year no matter what the whether is. All of the students have to be back at their rooms by nine and it's lights out at ten. We try to give them as much time as possible to get their work done and we have the classes set up so that the teachers have time to tutor if the students need extra help. Even a few of the interns will help with that and they seem to be able to help the girls a little more because they relate better. And a few of the graduated slayers are out there searching for more girls. All of the ones who have graduated stay in contact with the school in case they're needed for whatever reason.

But these freshmen don't seem to be looking up to them as role models. I guess it's Giles and the other teachers are always talking about us, me and Faith. About how we were the original and we did all of these things by ourselves, well, mostly. We also stress the importance of families and making friends and having ties to this world because then it gives you something real to fight for and not just the 'good of the people'. At the end of each month the parents and family members can come out and visit, we set them up with a local hotel to sleep at. We try to keep the parents as well informed as possible about everything, the magic, the slaying and some of them are very apprehensive about it because they don't want their kids getting hurt, and I completely understand that but we show them how strong their daughters are and how special they are and once the parents realize that this is something that no one can control and they accept that they're safe with us then they're a little less worried. We try to make it a fun atmosphere so the girls enjoy what they're doing and want to be better at it.

But now that I'm here and these girls have pissed me off it's not going to be fun. All of their extra activities are going to be cancelled and they're going to be training with me. I already have some plans for them and I know that none of them are going to like it, but I don't care. They want to slack off this is what they get. Everything that I have in store for them they've had coming for a long time. They want to break rank and follow in the shadow of this girl then they'll have to suffer the consequences. Ok, I'm making it sound a lot more horrible then it is. What I'm going to be doing is showing them the right way to be a slayer. I'm going to take them out slaying and throw them in situations that they normally wouldn't be put it. Kind of like when we locked the first four or five potentials in that crypt with the vampire back when we were fighting the first. It's going to be a lot of discipline stuff too. Focusing and concentrating and being patient, and learning how to take orders, but also listen to other people's ideas when you're in a leader position. A slayer is a natural born leader, they may think that they know it all because they have the power and some training, but if they don't learn to listen to the people around them then something bad could happen.

I know I probably sound really hypocritical because I used to do my own thing and ignore everyone else but those were times when I thought I was doing the right thing, and maybe I was, maybe if I hadn't gone off on my own then things would have turned out really bad, but I don't know that. I have to teach them that when making a decision like that they have to think about all of the consequences and what they're putting on the line. And also that they're not alone, they don't have to do this by themselves like I did, it's not always their call like it was with me. Maybe if Faith hadn't gone crazy and we became closer as friends then I wouldn't have been so headstrong about some of the decisions that I made.

I walk to the teacher living area part of the building. I'm staying in the one apartment that they had left. Apparently one of the teachers had to leave, I don't know why but they couldn't stay anymore so now I'm living in their old home. I've already unpacked a little. Mostly the photo albums and the things I'll need everyday, hairbrush, toothbrush and all of my other toiletry things. I want to try and keep as many of my clothes packed as possible. I don't want to get used to this place at all. I don't want to view it as a second home. So maybe it would be a good idea from now on to visit every one in a while to make sure that the girls are staying in line, but it wouldn't be for months at a time. Maybe a couple of weeks out of the year or something. I know that Matthew would love coming here, all of these girls for him to flirt with he'd be in heaven. Not only that but he loves training, and he'd love using the equipment that's here because we don't have room for it at home. I hear a knock on the front door so I leave the bedroom to answer it. I smile really wide and my mood just improved a little bit.

"Hey Sissy, how have you been?" I ask and we hug. Sissy Ronalds is one of the sweetest people of ever exist. I met her about three years ago, she was sophomore here and she was one of the girls to spar with Faith. She kept holding back and let Faith win the fights pretty easy. When Faith got pissed and questioned her on it she said that she didn't want to hurt Faith, that it's not right to 'embarrass a legend'. She wasn't being cocky or anything she was genuinely concerned. But then Faith being Faith just scuffed a little and told Sissy there's no way a 'baby slayer' is going to be able to hurt her. It would have been nice if Faith knew at the time that at fifteen Sissy was triple black belt in the kickboxing program, and the only thing higher then a triple black belt is being the teacher of the class. So Sissy stopped holding back and she had Faith flat on the ground. I have to admit that it was funny to watch but once Faith was prepared and knew how good this girl is she was able to overpower her pretty easy. I've stayed in contact with her over the years through e-mail and phone calls. She's an intern now and helps teach the kickboxing and martial arts class.

"I've been great. I heard you were coming and did a little snooping around." She's a very curious person and good at getting information that supposed to stay hidden. She's like the Willow only a slayer and she doesn't do magic or hack into computer systems. "I found out why you were coming so I took the liberty of getting you this." She holds up a manila folder that looks pretty thick. I give her a questioning look and she continues. She's usually pretty quiet but once you get to know her and she feels comfortable around you she talks a lot. "Lily Montgomery's file, very confidential and very personal. Has all of the 'behind the stage' stuff that only the teachers are supposed to know about, but I figured that since she's the reason you had to drag your ass all the way here you should get a look at it. If anyone asks you didn't get it from me." I take the folder from her and she gives me another hug before she leaves. The martial arts class starts in fifteen minutes and if she runs as fast as she can she'll only be five minutes late.

I close the door and sit down on the comfy couch in the living room. I open up the folder and flip through the pages. It takes me a while to read all of it because there's a lot there. She does come from a bad background. Her mom was a drug addict, her father was abusive, she's the youngest of three children and she was picked on by her older siblings. From the looks of it the household was a survival of the fittest. She's been causing problems at school since kindergarten, and has the 'my way or the highway' mentality. She's always been a control freak, and if her friends don't do what she says then she violently lashes out at them. She became a slayer at thirteen and that's when things started to go from bad to worst. She started stealing, and breaking and entering and used her slayer speed to get away from the cops. Her rap sheet is about a mile long. She came here five and a half months ago when Laura Demsey, a graduated slayer, found out about her and told her about our facility and how she can get free room and board if she trains and does her school work. She did good in the beginning until she sort of took over the freshman class, which took all of two months, and they've all been slacking off ever since. They're all defiant and she's gotten it in their heads that they're better then the training and the schoolwork because they're slayers. If she's not a mini Faith then I don't know what is.

I sigh and put the folder down on the coffee table. This is going to be harder then I thought. She's never had anyone to care about her, she thinks that she doesn't need anyone and she only makes friends for the control factor. I'd like to think that with intense training and my strict leadership she'll get her act together but I don't know if I can help her. I think the only thing that will save her is if she hits rock bottom. Maybe if she switches bodies with someone and realizes that the way she's living isn't the right way? No, I don't think that's the best way. Besides I don't even remember what Faith used to do that in the first place. And I would never ask Willow to do something like that. Maybe if I get the other girls to follow me instead, take away Lily's power over them, then maybe she'll realize that she isn't the one in charge and she needs to get her act together. I don't know, I don't have the answer for this one and I hate feeling so helpless like this. Just once, just one time I want something to be easy.

FPOV

She's been gone for a week now. I miss her every second of the day. Things have gotten a little easier though, as sad as that sounds. Mattie isn't crying as much. He's been sleeping in my bed with me. The first night she was gone he screamed and cried because she wasn't here to tuck him in and give him a goodnight kiss. She calls every night but it isn't good enough. Kennedy has been a big help, she's been coming over everyday to help around the house and she picks Matthew up from school and then takes him out for a while so I can get some rest. I'm still not used to wakin up every two hours and breast-feeding is pretty demanding on me. Maybe I should invest in a breast pump. Nah, in a couple of weeks she'll be switching to formula so it would be a waste of money. I hear someone knockin at the front door and I look over at the clock on the computer screen. Too early to be Kennedy and I'm not getting any of those slayer tingles, plus she has a key so she doesn't need to knock. I finish the last sentence of the letter and sign it 'forever yours, Faith' and then hit the send button. I'm e-mailing Buffy the pictures of Addy's first bath. She cried her lungs out. She didn't like it at all. It was cute. Whoever is at the door better quit with the knocking or I'm gonna run my fist through their face.

"Hold your fuckin horses, I'm comin." That stops the knocking which I'm thankful for. I unlock and open up the door and my mouth almost drops open when I see who it is. It could have been anyone else, even William the Bloody and I would be so much happier then I am right now. Why? Why is this happening now? The fates just like fucking with me, that's why. That has to be it. They're up there right now, laughing their asses off saying 'oh God, look at her face, do you see how pale it is?' "What the fuck are you doing here?" Ok, that came out a little harsh, but I'm too stunned to care. She gets a little pissy and rolls her eyes. She shifts her weight from foot to foot and set her bags down. Bags, she has bags, luggage type bags. That means she plans on staying for a while. And judging by the number of bags it's more then just a couple of days. I'd say she has at least two weeks worth of stuff with her. Then again this is her. So maybe she only has two or three days worth of stuff. Why me? Why, oh why, oh why?

"I heard that Buffy is going away for a while so I thought I'd come up and help with the new baby. Willow is leaving next week and you're going to need more then the cocky slayer to help you. So are you going to let me in or just leave me out here to freeze to death?" The second one seems more appealing. But I can't just leave her there. Even if I don't want her here she has good intentions and she drove a long way. Plus the sooner she comes in the sooner I can kick her out. I step aside and she picks up her bags and walks into the house. "Thank you. God, how can you guys live in this town? It's as cold as the arctic." I give her a very annoyed smile and shut the door.

"If you've ever been to the arctic then you wouldn't think that this is cold." She gives me this 'whatever, shut up' type of look and I feel like smacking her. She puts her five bags down next to the garage door and then turns around with a big smile on her face. I know what she's going to ask, everybody gets that look in their eyes when they ask so I might as well cut her off now so I won't have to listen to her annoying voice. I sigh first and I know I look bored. "Baby's this way. But keep your mouth shut she's sleeping. And I don't want you getting all girly and talking baby talk to her. It's irritating and demeaning, she's a baby not some cuddly toy." She gives me another 'whatever' look and I lead her to the bedroom. She follows me in which is ok with me and I sit down at the foot of the bed as she rushes over to the basinet. She leans over it to get a better look and she gets that girly 'awe' look on her face.

"Oh my God. You have the cutest little nose, and the cutest little lips, and little ears. Awe, and look at your little fingers. Awe, you're just so cute, I could eat you up. Yes I could." What did I say about the girly talk? Did I not say that she couldn't do that? Because I remember saying it. Am I the only one that listens when I talk? I hear Addy fuss a little bit and she moves around. "Awe, you're just so cute. I wanna take you home and keep you forever." I'd like to see her try. "Oh, it looks like somebody wants their mama. Yes you do." God, this is horrible. But Cordelia is right. It's just about time for Addison afternoon feeding. That sounds so horrible. 'Her afternoon feeding', I make it sound like a chore or something. Anyway, so Queenie reaches in and carefully picks Addy up and I get a little nervous, but she's careful. She holds my girl as I unbutton my shirt and I give her warning look. She rolls her eyes and then hands me my girl when I'm ready and the little Pit Bull latches on. She snorts a lot as she eagerly suckles on me. Cordelia smiles, yeah she smiles and shakes her head a little. "Jeez kid, calm down, she's not going anywhere." She sits down at the vanity table and turns in the chair so she's looking at me.

"So Queenie, what's been up?" I cringe on the inside. That was a very stupid thing to ask. A very, very stupid thing to ask. But I sit and pretend to listen as she rambles on and on and on and on. She tells me how the Angel team is doing and how she's been looking but she can't find the right guy. Then she goes on and on about the demon activity in L.A. and how she keeps asking Giles to send a couple more slayers but he keeps telling her that six is enough. Six is more then enough. She just doesn't want to do any work herself. Then she starts to tell me about this little fight she got into with Gunn because he ate the last blueberry muffin and he did it just to piss her off because he knows that blueberry is her absolute favorite kind of muffin ever. God, I think I'm going to die. And then she starts asking about life around here. I tell her that it's been pretty quiet, except for giving birth and dying but it was ok because I was told it wasn't permanent and that Buffy left last week. Then she asks when she's supposed to be back. I sigh and then use a blanket to wipe the extra milk from Addy's mouth when she finishes eating and hand her back to Cordelia since she gave me the puppy dog eyes. I hate the puppy dog eyes. "She said she'd be back for Christmas. I don't know if she's comin back Christmas Eve or Christmas morning but she promised she'd be here on Christmas and she would never lie to me." Then the front door opens and Kennedy walks in and yells out 'honey I'm home'. Then I hear Mattie running down the hallway and he runs into my bedroom.

"Mama are we goin somewhere? Whose bag are those in the living room?" Then he sees Cordelia and he stops dead in his tracks. I'm surprised he remembers her, it's been a long time since she visited. I can't remember how long, but a long time. She smiles at him and says hi but he doesn't say anything back. He slowly walks over to me and crawls into my lap. He leans close to me so he can whisper into my ear. "Mama why is she here?" And then he gets a little...mad. Yeah, that would be the best way to describe it, I guess. "Are you doin grown up stuff with her? 'Cause Mommy got mad at you because you wanted to do grown up stuff with her last time she was here. And you told me it's bad to do grown up stuff with other grown ups unless they're your sweetheart." After he watched the cartoon movie Robin Hood he doesn't say boyfriend or girlfriend, he says sweetheart. I think it's kind of cute. "And she's not your sweetheart, Mommy is." What the hell? Why does he think I would do something like that?

"What? Mattie I would never do something like that, ever. I love your mommy, I'm not going to do grown up stuff with anyone else but her." Cordelia looks at me weird and I give her a small shrug. Mattie thinks about what I said and then sighs and gets off the bed. He looks over at Cordelia one more time before leaving the room. I shake my head a little bit. Jeez that kid sure is weird. Why would he think that I'm going to do 'grown up stuff' with Cordelia? I mean, sure she's hot I'll admit that, but she's Cordelia. I look over at the Queen C herself and she's looking down at Addy with happiness and sadness and some longing. Well that's interesting. "Been thinkin 'bout having your own?" She looks up at me and smiles this 'what are you crazy?' type smile. But I know that look she had on her face, she wants one, she just hasn't found the right person to have one with. I look over at the door when I heard Kennedy.

"Hey Faith, who's bags are-" she sees Cordelia and stops dead her tracks. Why does everyone keep doing that? Kennedy gets really tense and uncomfortable, so does Cordelia. I don't know why but these two have never really gotten along. I think something happened between them when Sunnydale went boom and we went to Angel's hotel until we got fixed up and rested. "Hello Cordelia. I didn't know you were coming here." She glances over at me and looks a little mad. I give her this 'I didn't do anything' look and shrug my shoulders. "So, how long you going to be staying here?" Cordelia rolls her eyes and gently rocks Addy back and forth. I've never seen her bein so...gentle. It's weird, but I like the look on her. Maybe she'd make a good mom after all. Wait, what am I saying? This is Cordelia. The kid would be hungry and say 'Mommy, I want some food,' and she would probably say 'Well Mommy wants some new shoes, and Mommy likes expensive shoes, so you can eat later.' Ok, so maybe that wouldn't happen, she has changed but just the thought of her raisin a kid is kind of strange.

"Until Buffy comes home for good. Christmas is like two weeks away, but then she'll be gone for a month after that. She's going to need all the help she can get." Ok, she's making me sound helpless I'm not liking her being here even more now then I did before. She must see the look on my face, I hate that it's hard to hide my expressions now. She rolls her eyes and sighs heavily. She gets up out of the chair and hands Addy to me. "I'm going to put my bags in the training room. I'll sleep on the sofa tonight but there are a few places I need to go, so I'll be back in a couple hours." She gets up and pulls something out of her pocket. It looks like a little piece of paper. "This is my cell number, call me if you need anything while I'm out. I can stop at the store on my way back." She puts it down on the vanity table thing and then hands Addy to me. She gives her a little kiss on the head and glares at Kennedy as she walks out of the room. What the hell is that all about? I think something definitely happened but Buffy has forbidden me from saying anything. I'm pussy whipped so what? You wanna make something of it? I didn't think so.

"Wake me up if Buffy calls, I need to get some more sleep." I tell her and yawn widely. She chuckles a little and I make a weird face at her and she laughs and shuts the door behind her when she leaves the room. I look down at my sleeping baby and smile a little as she snorts and twitches around a little. I sigh heavily when I hear Kennedy and Cordelia arguing out in the living room. My breath sweeps over Addy's face and her eyebrows furrow and her cheeks twitch a little bit. "Your mom better get home and soon or auntie Kendy and auntie Cordy are not going to be alive when she gets back." But then again Buffy probably wouldn't be too damaged by that. I smile a little bit as I remember that week or two we stayed at Angel's hotel. Cordelia showed up everyday with food and for us and she and Kennedy would argue, and then Buffy would get in on it. A couple of times it got violent but Red was able to use her magic to hold her girl back and Buffy's wound was still bad enough that I was able to hold her back with ease. Addy starts to fuss a little and it pulls me out of my reminiscing. I smile and gently rub the side of her little cheek with the back of my index finger.

"You're going to be ornery, just like your mother." I smile and then give her a little kiss on the forehead. She frowns a very deep frown. Her eyebrows knit together very closely and the corners of her mouth turn down very far. "Hey, you stop that frownin, I'll kiss ya if I want." I smile and then gently put her back in the basinet and lay down on my bed and close my eyes. I don't fall asleep right away. Instead I stay asleep and think about how much I miss Buffy. I know it's stupid, I shouldn't be thinking like this because I have my kids to take care of, but I can't help it. I miss her so much, I can't wait until she comes home. I know it's only like two or three weeks away, I can't remember how many, but it's going to be soon. But I want her home now. I want her to hold me at night and gently rub my back as I feed our daughter because it hurts and I need the reassurance that soon the pain will go away. But now she's not here and for the first time in a very long time I feel truly alone.

"Mama." No, I don't wanna wake up yet. "Mama." He says again and gently shakes my shoulder. I play opossum. Maybe if I just lye still he'll go away. Maybe, but it's doubted, he can be very stubborn. "Mama, aunt Kendy and Cordelia are fighting. Mama." He sounds desperate. What? Fighting? Why are they fighting? And now that I'm listening for it I can hear them. They're in the living room, and screaming at each other. I can't really understand what they're saying because I'm too tired to concentrate, but it's loud and I want it to stop. "Mama, please." Ok, now I have to let him know that I'm awake because now I feel bad. How long have they been going at it like that? I roll over so I'm facing him and I open my eyes. He looks pretty calm which is good. He'd probably be upset if they've been arguing for a long time. "Mama, aunt Kendy and Cordelia are fighting." He says again. I sit up in my bed and reach over and pick him up and put him in the middle of the bed.

"Stay in here ok?" He nods his head yes and I get up and rub some of the sleep out of my eyes. Why didn't I wake up? They're yelling pretty loud. I'm surprised Addy is still sleep. Oh God, did I just jinx it? Lets pray people. I open the bedroom door and quietly close it behind me. As I walk down the hall towards the living room I form a little plan. It'll either make me look like a complete ass or make them feel a little guilty about them fighting in my house in front of my kid. They should know better then this, especially Kennedy. She knows I don't want Mattie exposed to this kind of stuff. Even if Buffy and I have fought in front of him before we don't want it to happen, but sometimes you just can't control it. But that's no excuse for them, at least it shouldn't be. I hear Cordelia scream something about it being all Kennedy's fault because she lied to her, and now I'm curious but I want them to stop the shouting and the only way I'm going to do that is if I interrupt but if I interrupt then I won't find out what they're fighting about. Oh well, what they're fighting about doesn't matter now because I can just beat it out of Kennedy later. I abandon my plan since it's kind of stupid, I was gonna run in there and yell something like 'will you two stop the fighting, it's almost Christmas!' and then get all calm and apologize for yelling and then say something like 'oh, sorry, but you fighting gave me a flashback from my childhood'. But I think I'll just go with:

"Shut the fuck up! Both of you just shut up!" And they do. Wow, I didn't think that was gonna work. "You two are not going to be fighting in my house. You will not expose Mattie to this. If you have a problem you hash it out somewhere else because I don't want to hear it." Actually that's a lie, I'd love to be in the room when they fight, even if it's just verbal. Cordelia may be a bitch but she comes up with some wicked comebacks and she's quick too. You wouldn't think it by the way she acts but that girl is really smart. But don't tell her I said that, it'll just make her head so much bigger. "If you two can't get along then maybe one of you should leave. I'll admit that I need help with the kids but not from both of you if it's going to be like this the entire time. So work it out or one of you go home." I don't say anything about which one should leave. On the one hand I've known Kennedy for a long time, she's my best friend and I do want her around. But Cordelia drove all the way up from L.A. and I don't want to seem ungrateful by kicking her out. Nope, if one of them is leaving then they're going to decide which one. I look over at Kennedy and she's glaring at Cordelia. Seriously what happened eight years ago at the hotel?

"Well don't look at me. You live fifteen minutes from here, I live ten hours. I'm not going anywhere until Buffy's back for good." Buffy. God I miss her so much. Just hearing her name is doing some wicked fucked up shit to my body. I feel like I can't breathe and my chest is heavy. Am I having a breakdown? Is this that postpartum shit that I've heard so much about? God I hope not, I don't wanna break down in front of them. But it looks like that's what's going to happen whether I want it to or not. I feel my knees getting weak in a very bad way. I hobble over to the kitchen table and sit down on one of the chairs. I'm just trying to get my breathing under control. They're both looking at me, I can feel their eyes on me but I don't care. I need to breathe.

"Great Cordelia, look what you did now." Oh my God! They better not start now or I'll beat both of them to a bloody pulp.

"Me? I didn't do that. It's not my fault she's all hormonal and super sensitive." They continue to bicker and I get my breathing under control. I finally stop crying and wipe my eyes. I take in one last ragged breath and then stand up. Like I said before I'm not going to let them argue in my house. If they wanna fight then they can do it somewhere else. I guess they can feel how pissed off I am because they shut up and look over at me. Kennedy seems worried but Cordelia is covering up her fear, but not very well. She knows I'll kick her ass if I get really pissed off. I'll hold back of course because she's in no way as strong as a slayer, but I'll still do some damage. Cordelia sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. "Kids can sense conflict. I'll leave for a little while, I want to check out that new club anyway. I'll sleep on the couch tonight, if that's ok with you Kennedy." She says the last part really bitter, I can almost feel the scratch. Kennedy just rolls her eyes. "Alright, I'll go get ready. I'll need the bathroom for at least an hour. I hope that isn't a problem." That might be a problem but oh well. If she's going to leave for a little while I'll keep my mouth shut. Besides, she was looking at Kennedy when she said it and I still have the whole 'but I just had a baby' card that I can play up very well so she'll let me in if I really need to go. She leaves the room and I sigh. I look over at the clock, it's seven thirty. Why didn't anyone wake me up? I need to fix dinner, Mattie's probably starving.

"Don't worry, I fed the kid and Buffy still hasn't called yet." I roll my eyes at Kennedy but tell her thank you. I'm glad she's willing to take on the responsibility of playing wet-nurse but I like to cook for my family, it's just something I've always enjoyed. Buffy says it's my 'inner housewife' trying to force it's way out. I don't know about that but I do love cooking. I always have, I just never really had the chance to what with living in a house that had no electricity, and shitty motels that didn't have a stove. But whatever I'm not gonna dwell on it. I have my nice house with great appliances, I'm happy, and I get to cook whenever I want. But I don't really feel like cooking right now. Maybe I'll just heat up some soup. I open up the pantry door and start to shuffle through the different cans of soup. Damn we have way too much soup. Well, that's because Buffy's the only one who eats the chicken and wild rice, and she hasn't been here. Then the phone rings. I jump back and almost throw Kennedy across the room and race for the cordless that's on the desk next to the computer.

"Hello?" I sound a little desperate. I've been waiting for this phone call almost all day. The first couple days she was gone I slept with the phone next to me but it would wake Addy up so I had to stop doing that. But all day I would carry the phone around with me and wait for it to ring. She only calls around this time but I kept it with me just in case. Now I just spazz out when I hear the phone ring. It's her, and I'm so glad to hear her voice. I miss hearing her talk, even if she used to get a little annoying before I really do miss her voice now. She's talking about all of the slayers and how they're finally starting to get back on track. Once they saw her embarrass that Lily girl they aren't listening to her as much. Which is good. But Buffy says that she can't leave until Lily is doing better. She says that if she leaves before Lily gets back on track then the others might fall right back where they were and Buffy will have to go all the way back to Ohio to straighten them out again. "No you won't do a damn thing. If those girls get back off track they'll have to deal with me." My voice is as hard as steel and she knows I'm serious. Buffy likes to be a little more 'hands off' with the girls. She doesn't like to use physical force to get them to shut up or do what she wants them to do. I have no problem in kicking one of 'em in the ass if they aren't running as fast as they should be or whatever it is I want them to do.

"I talked to Giles about me coming home for Christmas." She has my full attention now. She sighs and I can tell that it isn't going to be very good news. We both know that she is coming home for Christmas, she promised me she would and Buffy would never break a promise. "He's letting me borrow the jet and I'm coming back on Christmas Eve, sometime at night, I don't know exactly when. But I can't stay for a week like we wanted. He says it would be better if I go back on the twenty-seventh. I'm sorry baby, but it would be better. Not all of the girls are leaving for Christmas and he wants me to be there in case they try to leave and get into trouble or something." At least she's coming home. I would love her to stay forever but I know that she has to go back and she won't be able to leave again until that little Lily bitch is in line. "Baby say something." I can't believe I zoned out, and now she sounds a little scared. Great, way to go Faith.

"It's better then nothin. We wanted at least a week but you'll be back the twenty-fourth so that'll give us a couple of days together, and you'll get to see Mattie open up his presents. Brat and her man aren't comin like they did last year. He's takin her up to the cabin again. Xander and Red are leaving on Friday mornin. They don't want you there all by yourself like that. I already tried talkin 'em out of it but you know them, once they get their minds stuck on something nothin can be done to change it." I can almost hear her smile.

"Sounds like someone I know." She sounds like she's smiling. I just roll my eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me Faith." She sounds so serious. How the hell did she know I was gonna roll my eyes? I guess she knows me a whole lot better then I thought. I hear her sigh and she shifts around a little bit. "Where are you right now, baby?" I smile to myself. The little fox. She using her naughty voice. I love her naughty voice. It never fails to get me worked up. But unfortunately I can't do anything about it. Mattie's in my room and probably won't be out for a while since Cordelia and Kennedy were fighting. I can't go into the bathroom because Cordelia's in there and I can't go out into the garage because I won't be able to hear Addy if she starts to cry. I sigh heavily and Buffy seems to catch my drift. "That sucks. Are there a lot of people there or something? I know that everyone is going to want to take care of you." She's right about that. So far everyone of the scooby gang and Kyle and Katie and Kennedy, wow that's a lot of K's, have showed up to help me. Plus the little pest.

"Uh, yeah you can say that. The Queen C herself even made an appearance today." I hear her take in a deep breath but it isn't a good one. I can almost feel her muscles stiffen up. She doesn't like it when Cordelia and I are in a room together even if there are a bunch of other people. For some reason she thinks that I want to fuck Cordelia but I don't. "Baby, she drove all the way here from L.A. to help out with Addy and Mattie." Ha, I rhymed. "You know you're the only one I want. I don't understand why you get so jealous of her." Ok so I'm willing to admit that Cordelia is hot, everyone with eyesight knows that, but I don't want to sleep with her. Don't look at me like that, I really don't want to. I hear her sigh and she sifts around a little more.

"I know. But I can't help it. And I'm not going to be there for another three weeks and that's a long time for both of us and I know how you get when you go too long without getting some." Is she questioning my loyalty to her? I cannot believe her. We're wearing the fucking rings, I've already told her that no matter what I'd never cheat on her because I'm hers and she thinks that I would fuck someone just because she isn't going to be home for a few weeks? "I'm not saying that you ever would, but the temptation will still be there and I feel bad because you can't give into it." Oh, well, at least she knows I would never cheat. And I'll admit, only to you, that I am a little worried about that Sissy girl. Oh, have I not mentioned Sissy? Sissy, and what a stupid name, seriously what drugs were her parents on? Anyway, she's an intern there at the facility. We met when she was a sophomore and she was able to flatten me on my ass pretty quick. That is until I got used to her style of fightin, then I showed that little priss who's boss. She has a wicked crush on Buffy and followed her around like a little lap dog. I don't know if that girl would try anything but if she does I'll break her arms, and maybe her jaw. I hear Addy start to cry and I sigh heavily.

"I'm sorry baby, but Addy's awake and hungry. I'll give the phone to Mattie." I walk into my bedroom and Mattie's sitting on the bed on his knees looking over into the basinet and watching Addy cry. That's weird. Do all little kids do that? He's probably just curious. I give him a kiss on top of his head and hold out the phone. "It's your mommy." He smiles really wide and takes the phone from me and runs from the room. I smile a little and then take off my shirt, I'm not wearing a bra, it just gets in the way. I pick her up and hold her close to me and she clamps down really hard. "Jeez you weren't cryin that long, calm down little girl." She snorts and grunts and I can't help but laugh a little. She's just too cute. I try to listen in on what Mattie's saying but he's outside in the backyard. He's been going out there a lot lately even though it's cold. He's been spending a lot more time with Tucker, probably because he's lonely. He spends a lot of time with Kennedy and Willow but he misses his mommy and he needs his friend right now.

Although Buffy is gonna be pissed when she sees the huge hole out in the backyard. I caught them the other day trying to 'build an underground tunnel to Cleveland'. I couldn't get mad because he said it with tears in his eyes and his little lip was stickin out and quivering and Buffy knows better then anyone that I'm a sucker for a quivering bottom lip. I look down at my girl and she's lookin up at me with her dark grey eyes. "And I know you're going to learn the lip trick too. It won't belong before all three of you have me wrapped around your little fingers." She grunts and moves around a little bit. I smile and gently stroke the top of her bald head. God, I really miss Buffy. Only three more weeks until she gets here. It feels like an eternity away.


	13. Friday Night's Good For Disaster

**Two Weeks Later.** FPOV

It's been two weeks. She's been gone for three. This sucks. I know she's comin back in one week and it's almost Christmas but it still fucking sucks. It's really hard to get into the Christmas cheer and all when your girl is almost three thousand miles away. We've decorated the house like we usually do. We have our knick-knacks all over the place and the tree is up and has the lights and the ornaments dangling from it. Mattie and I made a really big calendar type thing so we can X out the days until Buffy gets home. He's really excited about it and can't wait for her to get here. He's not alone I want her back so bad. I can almost taste her now. Ok, I don't want her back just because my hormones are still all weird and I'm craving her body right now. I want her back because I love her and I miss just being around her. I also miss the way she wiggles the tip of her tongue when she goes down on me, but hey, I'm only human.

Addy has gotten bigger since Buffy's been gone. She's right on schedule according to the doctor. She's gained four pounds and grown about an inch. She's still really tiny. She isn't like Mattie was. Mattie was plump and hand a lot of rolls. Addy is pretty skinny, just like her 'father'. I can't wait for Buffy to get home. I know she isn't staying for a week but I really wish she would. I don't want to have to watch Addy get her first shots all by myself. I'll have to take Kennedy with me because she's the only one strong enough to hold me back from ripping off the doctor's arm. I know it needs to be done but I still don't like watching it. Buffy made me leave the room when Mattie got his first shots. She was calm about it until we got out into the parking lot and then she broke down. She's weird like that. She'll be fine during something like that but then breaks down afterwards. Me, I'm a blubbering idiot all the way through. I couldn't help it. My little boy was getting poked and prodded and then stabbed with a needle. I hear Cordelia scream and I roll my eyes. What is wrong with that woman? I get up from the computer desk and walk towards the sound of the scream. I stand in the bathroom doorway and have to bite my lips to stop myself from laughing. I probably should have warned her about this.

"Oh my God. Why? Why would you do something like this? Do you know how expensive this is? That lipstick cost thirty dollars!" Well if she's stupid enough to pay thirty bucks for a tube of lipstick then she deserves to have it used as a crayon on the bathroom mirror. He hasn't done something like this in a long time, mostly because me and B bought a little lock for the drawer of the vanity, but oh well. "Faith, you are going to pay me back for every cent that he ruined. He got into my face cream too. Oh my God!" I smile a little bit and Mattie looks over at me. He's a little upset because she's freaking out. I need to play the stern parent now because he needs to learn how to respect other people's stuff.

"Mattie, what do you say to Cordelia?" He looks at me like I'm on crack. He's never done anything like this before with anyone else so he's never had to say 'sorry'. Cordelia starts ranting again and he gets up and leaves. I'll have him clean it up but after she leaves because she's starting to cuss a lot. I gently put my hand on her shoulder but she doesn't stop talking. "Cordelia." She keeps ranting, on and on and on and I don't think she even knows what she's saying anymore. Then she says something that completely throws me off guard. I mean this is the kind of shit that you hear and then ask yourself: 'why did I have a camcorder?' You're probably dying to find out what she's sayin huh? Well calm the fuck down. I'll tune you in.

"I can't believe I actually fell for what she said. You'd think after the last time I'd learn my lesson but no. I'm just too stupid to know when someone isn't going to be with me. Like she's ever going leave that…that…nerdy geek to be with me." Wow. See what I mean? She seems to remember that I'm in the room because she turns around and looks at me. I must have a very shocked type look on my face because now she's staring at me like a deer in headlights. Her mouth opens and then closes a couple of times, kinda like a fish, and then she is finally able to speak. "Um….I'll….I'll clean this up later. I need to go." And she dashes out of the room before I can compose myself enough to say something. Wow. I never expected that. Ok, well, I thought that something had happened but I never thought that Cordelia was still waiting. Damn. Ok, I'm going through a bit of denial here because I'm really hoping she wasn't talking about who I think she was talking about. I let that mental picture shift around in my head for a few minutes……damn, that's hot. No, it shouldn't be hot because it's wrong. It's wrong. It's wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Maybe if I say it enough then it'll stop being hot.

Ok, gotta stop thinking about that, the baby's crying. I got into the kitchen and heat up a bottle. The colostrum stuff is all gone so I'm not breast-feeding anymore. It's a little freeing, I gotta admit, because now I have Kennedy doing some of the nightly feedings so I can get some extra sleep. She wouldn't eat the stuff for a day or two but she got used to it and now everything's fine. I walk into the bedroom and set the bottle down on the nightstand. She'll be sleeping in our bedroom until she's about five months old and then she gets to go in that lovely nursery that I had Xander build for me. I wasn't allowed to help, apparently when you're pregnant you become a china doll and nobody lets you do anything. Oh, but it was will a glorious day when she's finally sleeping in her own room. I make it sound like I don't want her in my room, I do, I love my little baby, but I just really want her to start sleeping through the night. Mattie didn't start doing that until he was about five months, maybe she'll start a little sooner.

"Ok baby girl, I'm here. Shh, shh Mama's here," I whisper to her and gently pick her up. She's still crying her head off but she calms down a little when I pick her up. I pick up the bottle and offer it to her. She clamps down onto it and I smile. Aw, it feels so good seeing it happen to something else other then me. That kid has jaw like a Pit Bull, I never got used to it. I walk over to Buffy's side of the bed and gently pull the bottle away from Addy and set it down. She starts to whine but this'll only take a second. I pick up the cordless phone and press the speed dial and it starts to rings. I position it so that it's stuck between my head and shoulder. I pick the bottle back up and feed it to Addy. She grunts and snorts and give me this look like 'try that again bitch, I dare you'. She already has a little attitude and she's only a month old. I sigh as I listen to the phone ring and ring but no one answers. And then finally she picks up. "Hey Kennedy. What's up?" She sounds a little confused. I never call Kennedy unless I need something from her. We may be best friends but we don't talk on the phone a lot. "Yeah, I know I never call but I was just wondering what's going on between you and Cordelia." She starts to freak out a little. She doesn't yell or anything but I can hear the panic in her voice. "No, she didn't say anything but ever since she showed up you two have been a little...tense around each other. Just wonderin what was up."

"Nothin is up Faith, we just don't like each other. She's a bitch and needs to learn some respect. It's never gonna happen so why bother? Look, I gotta go, Willow's supposed to be calling soon. So I'll talk to you tomorrow when I pick Matt up ok?" I agree with a grumble and she hangs up. I lean over the bed and let the fall onto the mattress. Well, that wasn't very informative. And I know I'm not going to get anything out of the Queen. I will find out what's going on though. One way or another I'll get to the bottom of this, even if I have to get one of 'em drunk.

I'm feeling a little giddy. I can't help it. It's been a month since Addy was born, she's on the formula now, my body is finally back to normal thanks to good ol' slayer healing. Sure I'll be a little rusty but I can't wait to go patrolling. Cordelia agreed to watch the kids for me while I go out. Normally there's not a lot of action but there's a rock concert at the convention center and that usually draws in a big vamp crowd wantin a bite of the little teen girls. I don't blame them, the way the teen girls dress nowadays, sometimes I find myself wanting to take a big bite outta one too. But that's wrong and creepy because I'm almost thirty and they're teenagers. Yep, it's wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong. Maybe if I say it enough I'll actually believe what I'm saying. What? I'm only human. Stop looking at me like that. You want me to punch a hole in your face? That's right, didn't think so.

BPOV

These three weeks have been hell. Some of the girls are starting to get back in line. They're good girls but they just gave into the temptation of following Lily. They're getting their work done, they're training like they should be, and they're back on track. But the rest...I know I wasn't that defiant when I was a teenager, no matter what Giles says. And Lily is just getting worst. I don't know what to do anymore. I thought it would be kind of easy. I thought I'd come in and show her what a real slayer is and then maybe she'd want to be more like one. But she's been fighting me every step of the way. She's strong, and is a really good fighter, but I kick her ass every time we spar. She has great potential and I hate to think that she's just going to waste it. But I can forget all about that right now. Tonight I'm going out to have a little fun. Some of the interns and I are going to check out this new club called the Mud House, I know it sounds stupid, but it's supposed to be really good. And I already talked to Faith about it and she says that as long as the dancing stays friendly and hands stay in appropriate places then she won't worry too much. And she trusts me, which is great because I trust her.

"Come on Buffy, let's hit the road. We wanna get there before it's too packed!" Vanessa yells out from the other side of the front door. There are five of us going: Sissy, Vanessa, Rachel, Holly, and me. I'm the oldest of the group but it seems that slayers stop aging in their mid-twenties and everyone that doesn't know me thinks I'm still twenty-four, so it's not like people are going to think I'm too old to be hanging out with them. Dawn hates it because she says that when she's my age I'm going to look better then her and I'll be six years older then her. But I think it's great. Well of course I think it's great. I put the finishing touches on my make-up and run my fingers through my hair a couple of times. There, perfect. I turn out the bathroom light and then the living room light and walk out the door. There aren't any keys on the doors. You have to punch in a number code next to the doorknob to unlock it. "Finally, we thought you were on the phone with your girl again." I roll my eyes and they laugh. It was last week when I didn't close the front door all the way so the latch didn't lock, Vanessa was outside the front door calling out my name because she needed to talk to me about Lily but I was going to ignore her. She walked into the apartment because she's really headstrong and she caught me having phone sex with Faith. Talk about embarrassing.

"So, who's driving?" We walk out the front door and wave to some of the seniors as they leave to go patrolling. There was a little bit of a crisis yesterday but these slayers are proving to be very good at what they do. I didn't even need to get involved and trust me when I say I tried. There are a special group of seniors, ones that are way advanced, and they handle the crisis situations because they can afford to skip a few classes without falling behind on their work. Well, that and because they're really good at the research and fighting stuff. Remember those nasty blue demon thingies that tried to open up the hellmouth when I was a senior in high school? I can't remember what they're called...um...the Sisterhood of something. Anyway, that isn't important. These girls were all over the case in minutes when one of them was spotted on a patrol. They quickly found out what it was and stopped an apocalypse before it even had time to start. They're great, and I know that one day the freshmen girls could be like that. But they need to get focused. Ok, it's time to stop thinking about it.

"Rachel's the designated tonight. Now, ladies, I'm finally old enough to use the trust fund mommy dearest set up for me a couple years ago so drinks are on me tonight, and do not worry about the cost because I got it covered. Just charge it to the shiny new tab I got set up last weekend. Tonight is gonna fuckin rock!" Holly says as we hop into the car. Rachel's driving, Vanessa's in the front passenger, Holly's in the seat behind the driver's, Sissy is in the middle and I'm behind the front passenger. There isn't a whole lot of room in this car so me and Sissy are practically squished together. I know that she used to have a little bit of a crush on me, but that was more like hero worship. I don't think she's into the whole girl-girl thing. Holly is though, and she's known to have the occasional one nightstand. The teachers are thinking about forbidding that kind of activity because it sets a bad example for the younger girls but like they're going to be able to stop a horny slayer even if they tried. The twenty-minute drive to the club is full of laughter and talking and Vanessa turned on the radio at one point. There is definitely a vibe of excitement in the air and I'm falling into it, letting it embrace me, and lead me as I walk through the doors of the Mud House and into the loud interior.

Once you walk in through the doors you have to go across a catwalk that's suspended ten feet in the air above the dance floor to get to the bar. Once you go past the bar you make a right and go down the stairs to get to the dance floor. Or you can keep going straight and enter the back area. There's music in there too that's just as loud as the music downstairs, but it's softer lit and definitely for the couples looking to in a little grope-age action before they head home for a good fucking. You can turn left at the bar and there are some tables back there where you can sit and calm down and watch the people on the dance floor. Once you walk down the stairs you can walk straight and go to the dance floor, against the back wall is the stage, and off to the left is the DJ station, or you can turn around, facing the wall opposite the stage and there are some tables back there. It's a nice set up, I have to admit, and this music and really great and if I'm not down those stairs and dancing with someone in the next minute or so I just might scream.

I grab onto someone's hand, I'm not even looking at this point and I drag her down the stairs. I know it's one of the girls because I was in the middle, we walked in together shoulder to shoulder, like teenager girls walk when they're at the mall. I quickly make my way out into the middle of the dance floor and turn around to face the girl. It's Vanessa. She's kinda cute, I'll admit. Shoulder length blonde hair that's kind curly, bright blue eyes, and fair skin. She about four inches taller then I am, but I'm not intimidated. I don't know the name of the band that's playing, but its hard and fast and not the normal type of dance music. Normally it's hip hop or something like that, something with a great beat, this sounds more like a rock song, or metal, I'm not sure. I'll have to ask Faith when I get back and call her, she'll probably know the name, she listens to almost every metal and rock band on the planet. I'm bagging my head along with the loud yelling of the vocals and shaking my body in time with the beat. God this feels so good. I haven't been out dancing like this in a long time. I think the last time I went out was New Year's Eve and that was like eleven month's ago. She finally seems to get comfortable with me dancing with her like this. She relaxes and gives her body over to the beat. Her hands grab mine and lift them above our heads as we continue to almost violently dance along with the angry sounding music.

The music dies down as the song ends and the next one starts playing. Now that I got that little bit of dancing out of my system I think I need to sit down, maybe have one drink. But no more then one. I can control myself. I grab onto her hand and lead her off the dance floor. I find where the others have put our jackets and purses on a table and Rachel is sitting there by herself nursing a bottle of water. I feel kind of bad for her, she out with her friends and she can't even enjoy a drink. So I take the car keys from her and tell her that I'll drive us back to the facility since I don't plan on drinking. She looks so grateful and she gives me a big hug as she bounds up the stairs to order a drink. I see Holly and Sissy walk out of the bathroom, laughing at something that was said. They walk up to the table and sit down on either side of me.

"So Buffy, Sissy has told me all about you." Oh really? I'd like to know exactly what Sissy has said. "And one thing she mentioned is you're a bitchin dancer." Is that supposed to be a complement? Does bitchin still mean cool? "So, you wanna dance with me?" She's giving me this look, one that Faith has given me a million times in the past. It's a wild look and it's making me feel like I'm a defenseless gazelle being stalked by a hungry lioness. I gulp a little. Why am I so nervous? Oh right, because Faith isn't here to claim me. Dammit. Oh well, I'll just have to make sure she knows perfectly well that I'm taken. I'm wearing the ring for God sakes. "Come on, just one casual dance between friends, that's all." Well, ok if that's all. But the look in her eyes tells me that it might start out casual and turn into very sexual. I take in a deep breath, I can handle this. I would never even consider cheating on Faith. Especially not with a skinny brunette with blonde and auburn streaks in her hair and the brightest blue eyes I've ever seen. What? I just said they were bright, I was in no way admiring them.

I stand up and she follows. We walk out onto the dance floor with her walking behind me. I can't help but feel her eyes on my ass as we make our way through the crowd. The song is slower then the one I danced to with Vanessa. It has a very sexual tone about it. I'll have to ask the DJ what this is because I really want to buy this CD and take it home to Faith, she'll love it. Anyway, we start to dance together, forming a small crowd around us, just like in high school with Faith. Her eyes are locked on me the entire time, roaming over my body and just seeing me move makes her give out a small moan. Normally a person wouldn't be able to hear it because of the music but I'm a slayer and I heard it. She takes a step closer, entering my personal bubble. What? Everyone has a personal bubble.

"I've always wanted to meet you." She talks over the music. She doesn't need to talk very loud because of my slayer hearing. She knows I can hear her just fine. "But I never got the chance the last time you were here. You should consider relocating to Ohio permanently. I'm sure you can find a reason to stay." Ok, I don't like where this is going. She raises her hands above her head and brings them down slowly, rubbing her body and looking at me with that predator look. She knows she's hot, and she knows my body is reacting to her. What she doesn't know is that I'll never give in because I'm with Faith. But still there's that little voice in the back in my mind, the little shoulder devil, you all know about the shoulder devil right? The voice that wants to lead you down the path that rocks? Well, she starts talking to me. 'You know you want her Buffy. Look at her rocking her hips, and running her fingers through that long gorgeous hair of hers, long enough to tie her wrists to a headboard. Go on Buffy, take her, she's practically begging you to.' And then the other one kicks in, my little shoulder angel, the one that wants to lead me down the path of righteousness. 'Don't do it Buffy. You may want sex and very badly, hell all three of us do, but you're with Faith. She proposed and you told her yes. You even have your mother's blessing. So don't screw that up. Sure you can get lucky with this hoe but in the long run you'll lose big time. You'll lose Faith and your kids. Don't do it. Just go back to the table before she ups her game.' I ignore both of them and continue to dance.

She starts gyrating her hips, and with every forward motion they rub against mine. She moans again and suddenly her hands are on my hips, pulling me closer to her. Before I know what's happening she's sucking on my pulse point, her tongue piercing softly scraping against my hot skin. I don't react for a few seconds, I'm too stunned to do anything. I mean, I got the feeling she wanted me but I didn't think she'd act on it. I bring my hands up and put them on the back of her head. God this feels so good. Where did she learn to use her tongue like that? She's doing this weird little swirly motion and God it feels like heaven. My head is rolled back and my eyes are closed and I can feel our hips rotating together in time with the song. I grip her hair, pulling it a little and she starts sucking and licking harder, scraping that wonderful piercing against my needy flesh. The moan I feel creep out of my throat seems to snap me back to reality. I push her back and rush off of the dance floor and go back to the table. She walks up a few seconds after me, looking a little sheepish. Sissy, who's sitting to my left, starts laughing so hard she almost falls out of her chair. She has tears in her eyes as she tries to calm herself down. Ok, I'd really like to know what was so funny.

"I told...you...you'd...crash...and burn!" Sissy yells out between her laughter. What? That was planned? And Sissy knew about it? Ok, why do I feel like a piece of meat all of a sudden? Oh well, so a twenty-something year old wants to sleep with me, not too big of a deal. And I did stop her, I mean, I could have done something a little sooner, true, but I was still in shock! Vanessa walks up with a tray sporting about twenty shot glasses full of tequila. I grab onto one of them and down it. I slam the glass on the table and cough a little. I never really did like tequila. I lick my hand and pour some salt on it. I down another shot and then lick the salt off. I repeat this process, taking two or three minutes in between to catch my breath, until the room gets blurry. But I need to get wasted. I need to forget what I did. I encouraged her for fuck's sake! Faith would never do anything like this. She's too loyal, she respects me too much to encourage some bimbo to practically dry hump her on a dance floor. And there was nothing dry about it, she has me all worked up that I'm probably going to have to throw these panties out. And my neck is very wet with her spit. I see Rachel take the keys out of my purse. What does she think she's doing? I told her I'd drive tonight. I'm not even drunk, I just had...ten shots. That's not a lot, at least I don't think it is. Why is everything getting dark? Wow, vertigo, wee!

FPOV

So, Buffy is going out tonight with some friends. Prissy-Sissy is one of them. Ha! Prissy-Sissy, I crack myself up! Anyway, Buffy is going out to this club called the Mud House and I'm going out on patrol. I can't wait, it's been way too long since I've gotten into a good fight. I'm just itching for some action. I'm dressed in jeans, I need to work out a little bit to loose the weight that I gained from the pregnancy before I'll be able to fit into my leathers. But I gotta admit that my ass looks wicked hot like this. Maybe I'll just buy some bigger leathers. Back to the point, I'm in dark blue jeans that hug my hips just right, a dark red t-shirt that shows off my breasts very well, and my boots. Gotta have the boots, not ensemble is complete without them. I grab my jean jacket and throw it on. I grab my stake and stuff it in the inside pocket of the jacket. I go into the bathroom and put on a little more eyeliner and touch up my lipstick. Anyone who doesn't know me would probably guess that I'm headed to a club looking for some action. I'll be going to Sharp afterwards but just to dance off some of the extra energy before I come home.

"Ok, Addy is asleep and you know how to make a bottle for when she wakes up." Cordelia is standing in the doorway watching me. I have a song stuck in my head and I'm slightly rocking my hips from side to side to the beat stuck inside my mind. I can feel her eyes on my ass. "Mattie's already in bed but he's probably still awake. If he gets whiney just read him the second chapter from the Whiney-the-Pooh book on his bookcase, that should calm him down. You're old enough to know not to invite anyone over while I'm gone. There's left over pizza in the fridge if you get hungry. I don't know when I'll be home so don't wait up." She moves out of the way and I walk into my bedroom and grab the house key and slip it into my back pocket. I walk over to the basinet and lean down and leave a little kiss on Addy's forward. She frowns in her sleep and I smile.

"Love you, toots." I whisper and then I stand back up and leave the room. I go into Mattie's room and he's sitting in the middle of the bed with his legs crossed Indian style, waiting for me. I give him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and he wipes at the mark. "Be good for Cordelia." He rolls his eyes. He's going to give her hell. She won't even know what hit. "I'll see you later. Love you." He says it back and then gives me one more hug and then I pick him up and tuck him under the covers of his bed. It took me half and hour to convince him to sleep in his own room tonight. I don't know when I'll be back from patrolling and I don't want to wake him up by crawling into bed at three in the morning. I turn out his light and then leave the room. Cordelia is sitting on the couch flipping through the channels. Looks like she took me up on the left over pizza offer. I walk over to the side of the couch and she looks up at me. "I doubt she will, but if Buffy calls tell her I'll talk to her tomorrow. Tucker usually sleeps in the training room unless you wanna let him in." I pick my cell phone up off of the little end table and put it in my jacket pocket. "I got my cell so call if there's a problem, the number's on the fridge. I guess I'll see you later." I'm out the door before she has a chance to reply.

I breathe in the very cold December air and let it fill my lungs. God this feels so good. I have to drive to the convention center, I even had to buy a ticket for the concert. But it's all cool. I listen to the band that's playing there tonight and I probably would have gone anyway. But this is business, not pleasure. I'm just looking for vamps. Yep, I'm looking for vamps, lookin for vamps, lookin for vamps. Maybe if I say it enough I'll actually believe it. I get to the center in fifteen minutes, it would normally take about ten but traffic was a bitch. There must be a lot of people wanting to see this band live. It's fair ground seating so I'll just have to shove my way to the front. Won't be too hard when I got slayer strength on my side. I'll be wicked in the mosh pit because I just know there's gonna be one. I park the car, my Camaro, a.k.a. sex on wheels, and lock it up. There are a lot of people here tonight and there's this wicked vibe goin around. People are revved up and lookin to party, and I am not excluded. The crowd is pretty diverse ranging from teenage boys and girls to women and men in their early to mid twenties. Good, I fit right in. I don't look a day over twenty-three and I love it.

I walk up the stairs along with at least thirty other people. I see a bunch of 'em checkin me out, both boys and girls, but mostly the teenage boys. I put an extra swagger in my hips just to show 'em what they'll never get. I think one of the boys just got a hard on. Yep, I still got it. So I hand the guy my ticket and walk into the doors. I've never been here before so I don't know where to go exactly so I just follow the masses. Tonight is going to fuckin rock! The room where the concert is, is huge. All of the seats have been taken out, I can see the holes for the bolts in the floor where the seats would normally be. The stage if fuckin huge and there are already at least a thousand people in here and there's plenty of room for more. I think this room can hold up to like, two thousand, maybe a little less. Oh well.

I quickly make my way up to the front. I look down at my watch, the concert starts in about twenty minutes. There are people piling in all around me. One guy tall, dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin, dressed in black loose fitting jeans and a black t-shirt, pretty good lookin, if I weren't already committed I might take him for a ride, and I'm not talking about in my car. Well, maybe in the car. Anyway, he keeps eyein me up and down, stopping at my breasts a couple of times. I take in a deep breath to puff out my chest a little. He seems to notice and looks into my eyes. And all that breath just left my chest. He has this fire in his eyes, this...primal look. I've never seen anything so intense before. He flashes me a perfect smile and I smile back. Just play it cool Faith, and remember, you're engaged with two kids, you cannot in anyway- oh, he's coming over here! He stands in front of me and I look up at him. This boy has got to be at least six three, maybe a little taller.

"Hey, I'm Mark." Huh? I heard what he said but I can't pay attention to what he's saying. I'm too busy lookin at those perfect lips move. Ok, Faith time to snap out of it! I'm in love with Buffy, I don't need to be tempted by this guy. Tempted? Who's tempted? I'm sure not. Nope, in no way am I...he's sticking his hand out towards me. Oh! He probably wants me to shake it. I reach out and take his hand. It's soft but a little rough at the same time because of the calluses by his fingers. He has a nice grip. "It's nice meeting you..." He trails off. Oh, he probably wants my name. Why am I acting like such a...such a...such a girl?

"Faith. I'm Faith." Wow, good job, 'cause he doesn't know that you're totally psycho. I could barely get the words out. Our hands linger longer then they should. He's eyes me again, up and down very slowly, taking in every detail. Am I? Am I blushing? No, I don't blush. I've only blushed for Buffy, I don't blush for other people. I'm shameless, shameless people don't blush. The ring on my finger suddenly feels like it weighs a thousand pounds and it seems to snap me out of this weird hypnotic state. I hold up my hand with the ring facing him so he can see. "I'm engaged." Wow, 'cause now he doesn't now that you're stupid. Nope, he thinks you went to fuckin Harvard. I sound like a complete idiot and I feel like one too. I never act this way, why am I acting this way? Maybe he's some type of demon. That has to be it. He's a demon and he's making me feel like a total girl.

"That's nice." It's like he doesn't even care. He looks like the kinda guy who would fuck an engaged person. He lets my hand go and I quickly put it back at my side. God, my palm is so fuckin sweaty. "So, you been listening to Motograter long?" Um, Motograter? What the fuck is Motograter? Oh right, the band! Fuck I'm so stupid. I nod my head yes and he smiles. Then the overhead lights cut out and the stage lights turn on and the curtain pulls back to reveal the band. This night is going to fuckin rock! They start playing the first song. It's loud, hard and fast. Just how I used to like my sex. But I have Buffy now, I like to be tender and loving about it. But a little kink is good every once in a while. I yell along with the lyrics and bagging my head along with the hard beat. I feel someone bump into me and I smile evilly. These people aren't going to know what hit 'em. I turn around see the large group of people smashing into each other, and elbowing each other. It's like one large mass of body parts and movement and I'm going straight for the middle.

I get elbowed in the face seven times, kneed in the ass eight times, my tits are grabbed and groped fifteen times, and one more person tries to grab my crotch heads are gonna roll. But I'm loving this. It reminds me of the old days when I'd seduce the ticket guy into letting me in to concerts for free. All of the bodies, all of the sweat, and loudness of the music and the voices of the boys and girls screaming along with the song is getting my blood pumping in a major way. As I smash into one guy, sending him stumbling back, something catches my eye. A vampire, about eight feet away from me, suckin on a girl's neck like there's no tomorrow. And no one is paying any attention. I step forward to go kill the vamp and save the girl when I'm elbowed so hard in my left eye that I stumble backwards. That fucking hurt! And since I'm disoriented because of the blow I'm being shoved around and hit and kneed from all angles and I can't catch my balance. If I fall now I don't think I'll get back up again. Not that I'll die, possibly, but most of these people are wearing heavy boots with really thick soles, and if they were to step on my back it would paralyze me. Then I feel a strong hand grab onto my arm and pull me hard. I'm being dragged out of the mosh pit until we're standing with the rest of the crowd. I look up at my rescuer, and trust me I hate feeling like such a damsel, and it's that guy from earlier...Mark? Yeah, Mark.

"You looked like you could use some help." He flashes that smile and I can't help but feel stupid again. But then I smell the blood from the girl and I look over. There's still a little time! I run over towards the vamp and pull my stake out. I grab the girl by the arm so she won't fall and then plunge my stake into the vampire's heart through his back. He yells out before turning to dust. Only five people noticed but they're so drugged up they probably think it's the E fucking with their heads. Which is good. Ok, now it's time to show those fuckers how to really fuckin mosh. I take a step forward but I feel his hand on my arm again. I look up into his dark brown eyes. I watch as everything goes into slow motion and he leans down and captures my lips with his. The kiss is almost violent. It's teeth and tongue and lips gnawing at each other at such a fast and hard rate that I can't tell which are mine and which are his. I feel someone bump into me and I'm pushed into the rest of his body. I can feel his erection against me and I slowly gyrate my hips so I gently rub against the tip. He pulls back for air and I look into his eyes.

I just realized what I've done, what we've done, and I almost get sick. What the fuck am I doing? I push him back and run out of the room. I leave through the large front doors and run towards the joggers trail. I may have never been inside that building before but I've been around this area hundreds of times. I run up the trail and around the corner but instead of following the trail like everyone else would I start to run up the hill. I get to the top and sit down on the rock that I've sat on over a thousand times. I look over at the river and watch as it flows slowly in the moonlight.

God this would be so romantic if Buffy were here and I hadn't just made out and cock-teased some guy named Mark. Buffy's gone for three weeks and I almost give in the first chance I get. Why do I always have to screw things up? Buffy would never do something like this. She's decent enough to resist the touch of another person. Why am I such a whore? Why do I always have to fuck up like this? I know that I resisted, that I pulled back and ran away, but for just a second, for just that one little second, I thought about leaving with him. I thought about all the ways I could have him screaming out in pure pleasure and begging me for more. And for that one second, I wanted nothing more then to fulfill that desire. And I almost gave in. I almost grabbed him by the hand and lead him out to my car so I could ask him where he lives and we would have gone back to his place, or if he isn't from around here we would have rented a motel and we would have fucked, violently, loudly and for hours. And I would have enjoyed it. And i would have lost everything. Everything I've ever wanted, everything I've worked so damn hard to get. My kids, my house, my dog, my Buffy. I would have lost it all. And for what? To satisfy my libido? To have that guy moaning and groaning and calling out for more? It isn't worth it. I know that, but the fact of the matter is for that one little second I didn't care about any of the people that I love, all I wanted to do was get laid.

I sigh heavily and stand up. I walk down the hill being careful since it's steep. I walk back to my car and drive off to the cemetery. I wonder around for a little bit but there's no action here tonight. I think we need to move somewhere with a little more activity. I wonder around for a couple of hours before I finally go back to my car. I sit and stare off into space for...who knows how long? I start it up and drive around the town for about an hour. I'm not avoiding going home. Or maybe I am. Who knows? Ah, new plan. I haven't taken my bike for a spin in a while. Poor baby is probably aching to get out and stretch her legs. I park my car in the garage and shut off the ignition. I take the keys out and run over to my bike. I throw on my helmet and carefully back it up. I walk it up the street before I start it and take off into the night.

I go my usual route which is just a bunch of back roads and it allows me to go faster then I should. A hundred miles an hour is not a good idea in December but I don't care. I feel like I'm flying, like nothing can touch me, like that little incident at the concert isn't real and everything is going to be ok. The ground is a little slick because it rained last night, but I keep pushing forward. I go to make a turn, one that I've made a million times before, but because I'm not really focusing like I should I take it too sharp and the slick ground shows no mercy. The bike flips to the left and I go flying through the air. And as I'm falling, twirling, cartwheeling and generally being tossed around like a rag doll I remember why I never ride over eighty in December. I hit the ground hard and bounce back into the air. When I land again I hit my head on the pavement so hard that my helmet cracks and breaks off and goes flying from my skull. Well that can't be good.

I tumble, and I feel many bones break and skin rip as I skid across the ground. I come to a rolling stop in the grass on the side of the road. No one ever comes back here on this road. It leads to an abandoned house and I usually turn around in the driveway and then head back home. It could be days before someone finds me, maybe even longer. Why do I always have to be so stupid? Ok, lightheaded, I'm feeling lightheaded people. That isn't good right? And what's that stickin in my back? Oh, I think...yeah, it's my arm. It feels like it's been dislodged at the elbow and now it's sticking into my back as I lay on top of it. I'm not even going to try and stand up because I know my legs are fucked up. I wonder if I'll ever walk again. Oh, sleepy now. I yawn widely. Sleep is good.

BPOV

Oh my God, my head. What the fuck did I do last night? My does my stomach feel so...oh God I'm gonna be sick. I jump up from wherever I was just laying and stumble around as I try to find the bathroom. Where the fuck am I? This doesn't look like my house or the apartment I've been staying in. Sink, ok, sink is second best. I rush over to the sink and let the contents of my stomach heave themselves out of me. It's painful and it's disgusting but it makes me feel a little better. Hmm, lucky, I threw up in the side of the sink with the garbage disposal. I turn on the faucet and let the water rinse away the disgusting stuff that had been in my tummy. Once that's all gone and the sink is clean I position my head so that I can suck up some of the flowing water and rinse out my mouth. How much did I drink last night? What happened last night? I remember being excited and getting into the car with the girls and then going to the club and dancing but the rest is a blank. And what am I wearing? I look down at myself and I'm wearing nothing more then my birthday suit. Ok, where are my clothes? I look over towards the kitchen door when I hear someone walking towards it and Vanessa walks into the room as equally as naked. I think I'm gonna be sick again.

"Did we...we didn't...I mean we...I wouldn't...I...what...did we?" Wow, and the award for the most words spoken but no actual sentence being made goes to...Buffy Anne Summers, come on down, take a bow. Jeez, have I always been this annoying? I shake my head a little and Vanessa yawns widely. I guess she's just now becoming aware of her nudity because she blushes and uses one arm to cover her breasts and the other hand to cover her...other private area. I turn back to the sink and get sick again. She didn't answer me. Why didn't she answer me? Oh God, I cheated on Faith. I cheated on Faith with a twenty-one year old blonde girl. I'm a horrible person. I'm so horrible. Why would I do something like this. Tequila! I remember, someone brought tequila to the table and I downed like ten shots. Oh God. This is bad, this is really, really bad. When I finish getting sick I rinse out the sink and then wash out my mouth. I turn around and she's gone. She must've slipped out to go put some clothes back on. God, it's cold in here. I should talk to Giles about getting better heating in the rooms. Then she walks back into the room wearing a cotton bathrobe, carrying a matching one and she hands it to me. I slip it on and tie the sash really tight.

"Um, we didn't do anything last night. After your tenth shot Rachel took the keys and you started to argue with her because you didn't think you were drunk and you wanted to drive us back here. Holly went home with some chick, Sissy and Rachel drove back with us but took off so I just brought you back here. You complained that it was too hot so I turned down the thermostat but you insisted on taking off your clothes." Wow, ok that's embarrassing but at least we didn't do anything. Then I give her a weird look. If I was the one that was drunk then why did she walk in here naked? I guess she knows why I'm looking at her weird because she blushes. "I just sleep nude. I forgot you were here. Sorry about the full frontal." I smile as best I can with my head hurting so bad. "I can make you some breakfast if you want. The coffee maker's on a timer so it should be ready in a couple minutes." I drag myself over to the kitchen table and sit down in one of the chairs. God this is uncomfortable, how can she stand to sit in this?

"Just coffee would be fine. Thank you for taking care of me. You didn't have to do this." She smiles and goes to say something but I interrupt. "No really, Vanessa, thanks. I appreciate it." I'll have to make sure Giles gives her a bonus or something. I fold my arms on the table and rest my forehead on top of my arms and hide my eyes from the light leaking in through the window. God, this sucks. Now I know why I never drank tequila. Faith used to drink it, she'd have at least fifteen shots in one sitting and I've have to carry her out to the car and take her home. This sucks. I don't think I've ever had a hang over this bad, and I'm including the time I came down from that cave-slayer. I look up where I hear Vanessa place something down in front of me. Coffee thank God! I give her a small smile and then take a sip of the very hot but very satisfying liquid. I blow on it a little and take a couple more sips.

"So, what are you plans for today? I know you have that training session with the girls, but what are you doing after?" I look over at her for a few seconds. What am I going to do after. I don't really do much around here. I patrol the halls and make sure that all the girls are in their classes and then I go back to my room and usually just sit around, look at the pictures of my babies and Faith. And then I get on the computer to see if she's sent me anymore. Even with Willow and Xander here I usually just stay in my room. At least they're doing stuff. Willow is helping Giles bless the place so evil isn't so attracted to it. Apparently there have been a few attacks by some really stupid demons and also some evil spirits or something. Xander has been teaching some of the students some carpentry skills. He says with all that power they would make great construction workers and get paid the big bucks in no time and they wouldn't even break a sweat. But I know it's just his way of trying to be helpful. I'm trying as hard as I can but these girls just aren't responding to me the way I would like them to.

"Probably just sit in my room. I need to call Faith, see how she's doing. Addison had a doctor's appointment yesterday, I think, I want to find out how that went. I can't wait until this week is over." I'm leaving in exactly six days and I can't wait. I'm trying to convince Giles to let me go early but he's afraid if I leave now then the girls will just starts acting up again. Most of the girls go home for Christmas break so he isn't too worried about me leaving then. He knows I want to spend time with my family so he's giving me a couple days but then he wants me back here to help keep an eye on the students that don't leave for Christmas. I think Willow is going to watch the training session today, take a break from all the blessing. That's good, maybe I could use her help.

"Ok, well you ripped your clothes to shreds getting them off, I have some stuff that you can borrow." I give her a grateful smile and then down the rest of my coffee and she's there in a heartbeat to refill my mug. I smile at her again and then down this cup. I really want this hang over to go away. I have that stupid training session and I can't just cancel it, the girls might think I'm going soft or something. But I might have to cancel it because there's no way I can teach a class with a hang over this horrible. But I guess I'll just have to try. I down my third cup of coffee and then thank her after she gives me some clothes. Nothing fancy, just a plain navy blue t-shirt and some sweat pants. I thank her again as I gather up my stuff and leave the room. I hurry back to my room and get a quick shower and brush my teeth at least seven times. I still can't get that nasty taste out of my mouth. I guess I'll just have to deal with it because the class starts in twenty minutes. I rush to the room where some of the equipment is kept. I punch in the code on the little keypad and the door unlocks. I walk over to the sign out sheet thing and write down what I'm taking and what time I'm taking it, this way everyone knows who had what last just in case it goes missing. I gather the things that I need and then hurry to the gym. I'm a little early which is good. Willow comes in shortly after and we hug in greeting and she tells me all about her day. She even does a little bit of her Wicca mojo to get rid of my hangover. And then the girls come in and line up like they're supposed. Lily is dragging ass but that's normal. I stand in front of them like a drill sergeant.

"Today we're going to work on honing your slayer abilities. It's important to be able to know where your attacker is even if you can't see them. So, each of you will take turns putting on the blindfold," I hold up the black blindfold so they can see it. "And by the end of the session you should be able to know where I'm going to attack from and then defend yourself." Most of them roll there eyes and look uninterested. A couple look a little excited, which is good. These are the girls that really wanted to do well and now that they've gotten back on track they're doing better then expected. Lily shifts her weight from foot to foot and looks a little uneasy but then she covers it up with her usual bad attitude.

"Well I think this is fuckin pointless. I think you just want us to make jackasses out of ourselves by putting on a stupid blindfold." That's true, I do want them to suffer a little and feel embarrassed but that's not the point. I had to do it so they should have to do it too. I think about arguing with her, about telling her that if she doesn't do the exercise then she'll be running the cross country track while carrying a fifty pound weight in a backpack strapped to her back. But I don't, because I remember that I'm standing in the room with the most powerful witch ever, who just ten minutes ago was able to get rid of a hangover with a simple touch of her finger, and trust me there will be E.T. jokes about that later. I get a smile on my face, a big evil smile and it makes all of them nervous, including Willow. I toss the blindfold to the ground and motion for Willow to come over to me. She stands next to me and waves to the girls. She really likes interacting with the students and has thought about maybe moving here to become a teacher but she still hasn't talked with Kennedy about it.

"Alright, if you don't want to make yourself look like a jackass." Which I can make her look like one anyway with my little plan. "By putting on a blindfold then I guess we'll just do the lesson a different way. The whole point of this exercise is to teach you how to restrain or slay your enemy with using nothing more then your natural slayer instincts, and also your basic human ones. Every single person on this planet has a natural flight or fight instinct. On some small level they can sense danger and if they listen to what they're being told by their animal instincts they'll be able to figure out if they should stay and fight or run away far and fast. But as slayers that ability has been magnified. We're faster, stronger, have better hearing, better eyesight, better reflexes, and enhanced flight or fight responses. As a slayer you're going to want to stay and fight, your need to win sometimes blinds you from seeing the situation for what it really is. But sometimes you need to back off and then regroup to go about winning with a different approch. This will hopefully be able to teach you that. Now, Willow, if you'll be so kind to use some of that wonderful Wicca juice you got stored but I'd like to be invisible now."

Her eyes get really wide at the request but she does as I asked. It doesn't take along and it's pretty easy. All she did was place her hand flat against my back and I felt all of this energy rushing into me and then I watched as my body became transparent, starting with my fingertips and working its way towards the rest of my body. Then my shoulders, up to my head, down my torso and then my thighs and calves and finally my feet. This is so cool. I love being invisible, I wish I could be it almost everyday. And it would be so cool if both me and Faith could go invisible, we'd mess around in every single store we could find. Anyway, getting back on track here. The girls watch with wide eyes as this takes place and then Willow goes over and sits on the bleachers again. This is going to be so much fun.

"Ok, now everyone stand against the wall and I'll pick you one at a time. When I call your name stand in the middle of the mat, and I need it to stay completely silent. Once everyone has had a chance to practice a little then we'll bring in some distractions to make it a little harder." They all line up against the wall, shoulder to shoulder. I'm glad that they're listening but they're taking a long time to do it. Lily is standing off to the side a little so she's a few feet away from the rest. She's looking down at her fingernails and acting like she couldn't care less. "Ok, let's start with Lily." She rolls her eyes but comes out to the middle of the mat. She's learned by now that if she doesn't listen during training then I'll make her run the cross country track, and I do use physical force to make her do it. "Ok, now just give yourself over to your instincts, rational thought has nothing to do with this."

I slowly circle her and I see her tense up. She's scanning the area around her, trying to find out where I'm going to strike from. I walk up really slowly, using all of that good old slayer stealth so she doesn't hear me. I quickly sweep at her ankles with my foot, I really want to knock her to her ass, but she jumps a second before I would have made contact and she turns and before I can react she's punched me in the face, hard. I stumble back a little but I quickly get over it. And now she has a cocky grin on her face. I don't understand this. She's great when it comes to the training, she can do almost all of the moves that I've taught so far, so why does she refuse to train? Why doesn't she do her work? I don't get it. She looks right at me, like she knows exactly where I'm standing now, and maybe she does. She raises a cocky eyebrow and I want to smack her.

"You were saying?" Some of the other girls giggle a little at the comment. Oh, this bitch is going down. I kick at her side and she wasn't expecting it. Before she can react I've kicked her in the knee, causing it to buckle and now she's kneeling on her knees. I push her shoulders back and she falls down. I straddle her waist and hold her shoulders down with my hands. She's breathing really hard, her nostrils are flaring, and there's this look in her eyes, one that I haven't seen in them before. It's a look of genuine fear. I'm not looking at a slayer, I'm looking at a frightened girl who just can't bring herself to trust anybody for whatever reasons. But then the look goes away as she hands herself over to her slayer half. She quickly brings her legs up and uses her feet to powerfully shove me off her. I hope my shoulders don't bruise because that actually hurt. I stand up and brush myself off. She's looking around again and she's listening very closely. Every muscle in her body is tense, every nerve is on end as she tries to scope me out.

She locks eyes with me and then everything becomes a whirlwind of motion and fury. I'm able to easily block her punches and kicks but there's so much power behind them, so much intensity I don't think I'll be able to last for very long. And then she gets in one good hit, one that I should have been able to block. I fall down and she jumps on top of me. She starts screaming her head off and she connects blow after blow to my face, neck, chest, shoulders, everywhere she can reach. And all of this fucking hurts! I try to block as best I can but she's really strong and I wasn't expecting this at all. A couple of the other girls come to my rescue though, which I'm grateful for but it's still a hit to the pride, and they drag her off of me. She sands up and brushes herself all a little and shrugs them off her. She straightens out her shirt and then looks down at her knuckles. There's blood on them, my blood. I think she broke my nose. She gets this panicked look in her eyes and then she takes off and leaves the gym.

"Ok, um, why don't you guys go back to your rooms for now? I know all of you have a math test tomorrow so you better study for that." Willow tells them as she walks towards me. The girls leave, some of them look really freaked out. Willow kneels down next to me, I guess my blood isn't invisible because she reaches out and gently touches a spot on my cheek where the blood is running down. I can feel the magic work through me as I become visible again. "Wow, she really did a number on you." No shit. I feel her hand on my chest and I give her a weird look but she just smiles and I can feel the calming sensation of her healing me. "There, good as new. Now that the girls are back in their rooms maybe you should go rest. I have a meeting with Blake and that could take a while." Blake is the head of the magic department, but since Willow is so much more advanced then him what with her being a goddess and all, she's trying to teach him some more advanced stuff.

"That sounds like a great idea. I need to call Faith anyway. I can't wait to see her again. I miss her so much, Wills." I sit up and she wraps me up in a big hug. I hug her back and after a couple of minutes she helps me up off of the floor and we go our separate ways. I take the stuff that I borrowed back to the equipment room and then sign my name of the sheet again in the little spot that lets everyone know that I put it back. I was really looking forward to the girls using the weapons. The confidence that they get from simply holding a weapon is pretty incredible to see. It's like there's this shift inside them, like they're handing themselves over to the slayer. I guess I'll just have to wait until Monday to see it. We don't make them train on Sunday, everyone needs a break sometime, including them. I punch in the number code on the keypad and open up the door. I walk in and yawn widely. I close the door and turn on the living room light. I want to call Faith before I do anything else. I pick up the cordless but then I notice the little light flashing on the answering machine. That's weird, she knows I train with the girls from three to five. I push the play button and Cordelia's voice bellows out of the machine.

"Buffy, it's Cordelia. You need to get back here and fast. I don't have time to explain but...I just got here wait, your damn turn...I swear the people in this town are so simple minded it's cause for concern. Anyway, Faith crashed on her motorcycle. She's still alive but it's bad. Hurry." And the message ends. She crashed her bike? How the fuck did that happen? She's always really careful. She never goes over the speed limit in the winter and because she's a slayer she has a better handle of it then most people would. Was she just not paying attention? Was the crash even her fault? I gotta get out of here. I need to get home. Why is this happening? Why does something like this always happen at the worst possible time?

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Next time on 'So Damn Domestic':

Buffy watching with sadness and fear as the doctor explains the damage to her: "There are several broke bones, a collapsed lung. Extensive internal damage and massive head trauma. She's alive and she's stable. We did one emergency surgery but this is not going to be an easy fix, and even with all the medical help possible it doesn't look good."

Willow slams her fist down on the table, tears in her eyes and she begins to yell: "That's not what I asked! Just be honest with me, do you love her!"

Cordelia watches from the doorway as Buffy cries next to an unconscious Faith. Tears well up in her eyes. She walks over to a payphone and puts in some change. She waits as it rings and she takes in a deep breath before saying: "Hi, it's me. I know we agreed not to talk anymore but...I need you here. Please, please just...come over. Come over and be with me. I know you told me it'll never happen between us but please just come."


	14. A Different Kind Of Pain

This chapter is a little bit different then the others. Instead of being just a Buffy and Faith POV it also has Cordelia and Willow. I thought I'd spice things up a little bit. I hope you enjoy it.**  
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Fourteen Hours Later.** BPOV

I didn't even bother packing my bags. I told Giles about the message and he set up to have me flown back to California on the private jet, but because the whether has been so unpredictable lately it took a little longer then normal. I got a rental car from the airport and sped all the way from Sacramento to Redding. But traffic was a total bitch and it took almost three hours, but whatever. I went straight to the hospital but she was still in surgery and no one would tell me anything. One nurse said something about a lot of damage and that they should outlaw motorcycles but she was talking to another nurse, not me. So now I'm waiting. I'm sitting here in the waiting room at the hospital and I'm waiting to find out the fate of my fiancé.

Willow is going to be taking the next flight out. She wants to pack up her stuff first because I don't think she's going to be going back to Ohio. I don't know about Xander. I didn't see him on the way out of the building. Willow stopped me before I jumped into one of the Jeeps and she had me tell her what was wrong, and then she drove me to the airport since I was in no state to be driving. She told me that she'd come as soon as she could and I hope she gets here soon. I really need my best friend right now. Kennedy is at the house watching the kids. Cordelia is still here and currently bothering the nurses because she wants to know about Faith's condition almost as badly as I do.

From what Cordy told me someone found Faith sometime in the afternoon on an old abandoned road and instantly called 9-1-1. The police came to try and figure out what happened and judging from the skid marks on the road she was going too fast and the road was too slick so the bike spun. From the little that the nurse told me this surgery that they're doing on Faith is a damage control type thing. They're going in and fixing the major stuff and also seeing what else is wrong. God I hope she's ok. She's been in surgery for...seventeen hours. That can't be good.

Three hours later and I'm still waiting. I'm getting restless, so is Cordelia. I'm up and pacing the small waiting area, going from one end of it to the other, she's watching me as if she's watching a tennis match. How can someone be in surgery for…nineteen hours? Is that like a record or something? How long do surgeries normally last? I think I'm going crazy. I want to see my fiancé and I want to see her now! Ok, here comes a doctor, finally! I walk up to her and Cordelia does the same she looks at both of us a little strangely. She takes in a deep breath and then puts her hands in her front coat pockets. That isn't a good sign right? That has to be a bad sign.

"You're family of Faith Lehane?" I nod my head yes. We may never legally marry but we do have a power of attorney or whatever it's called so we have almost every right as a married couple. Faith thought it would be best to get one after Matthew was born just in case something happened to me, and this way he couldn't be taken away by social services. "There are several broke bones, a collapsed lung. She has extensive internal damage and massive head trauma. She's alive and she's stable. We did one emergency surgery but this is not going to be an easy fix, and even with all the medical help possible it doesn't look good." I sigh and tears form in my eyes. She gives me this sympathetic look and then she continues.

"We fixed some of the major damage with the first surgery but she's going to need several more. We put her arm back into place and had to remove her spleen and we sutured the damaged organs." She takes in a deep breath. This part must be really bad or something. "She's suffered massive trauma to the head. She was awake when she was bought in but she was unresponsive. She hit her head pretty hard, and her brain is swelling as a result, and until the swelling goes down we won't know the extent of the damage." Wow, so that is really bad. "She's in a recovery room right now. She's on three different types of painkillers and they've knocked her out. We think it would be best if she stays unconscious while she recovers from the surgery. She'll be in a lot of pain and this way she'll be spared that." Then she starts to tell me the rest of the damage that was done.

"Both of her legs are broken, she's shattered her pelvis, all but five of her ribs are broken, and she's covered in road rash, mostly her face and arms because they were expose during the accident. I'm going to be honest with you, she's stable but the chances of her making it through the night are not looking too good. You can come see her if you like, but please, one at a time." She leads me down a hall and through a door and then down another really long hall. Faith's all the way in the back and as soon as I see her I start crying. Her right arm and both her legs are in casts. Her face is so swollen and torn up that it doesn't even look like her. There are bandages everywhere and she's hooked up to all kinds of machines. I gain some composure and slowly walk into the room. I sit down in the plastic chair next to the bed and I gently lay my hand on top of hers.

"Faith, I don't know if you can hear me or not but I need to tell you this anyway. How could you be so stupid? You know better then to be going that fast. You could have died, you still can. The doctor said that it doesn't look good, Faith, she wouldn't say that unless it was really bad. I need you. I can't do this alone. I can't raise our babies by myself. I can't live without you with me. You have to make it through this and you have to be ok. You just have to. I'll see if Willow can do anything. I might take a while because of the doctors but one way or another she will heal you. You're going to be ok, I don't think I can go on if you're not." I break down. I can't help it this is all just too much. I lean forward so I'm resting my head on the bed and I'm still holding her hand. Why is this happening now? It's almost Christmas, everything was supposed to be ok. We were going to celebrate it together with our friends and family. It was going to be so special because I was going to leave a couple days later. I'm not leaving now, not until Faith is better and even then she's coming with me. If Giles really needs me there then my family is going with me. I'll have Willow and Xander build a bigger apartment for us so Matthew can have his own room, but I'm not leaving them again.

I think I fell asleep. Oh yeah, there's a big kink in my back that means I fell asleep at a right angle. I hate it when that happens. I'm expecting the doctor to be standing there, telling me it's time for me to leave. Well she can go fuck herself because I'm not going anywhere. Ok, maybe in a couple of hours because I really need to go home and talk to Matthew and hold my little girl, but not right now. But it isn't the doctor. It's Willow and two girls that I've never seen before. Was I out that long or did she use magic to get them here? Probably magic because if I fell asleep like this for almost eight and a half hours I probably wouldn't be able to move right now. I take a closer look at the girls through my tear-swollen eyes. On is taller then the other, by about three inches, her hair is longer and a little lighter blonde, and her eyes are brown. The other has dark blonde hair, blue eyes, freckles on her face and arms and is a little pudgier then the taller one. Basically they look almost nothing alike, except they're both blonde.

"Buffy, wake up." I groan and move around a little bit. I guess she knows my back hurts because I feel her touch me and then I feel the cool rush of magic coming out of her and mending my aches. I sigh and sit up, feeling refreshed but exhausted at the same time. "Buffy, these is Tracy," she motions to the taller one and she waves at me with a small smile. I nod my head but don't say anything. "And this is Stacy." Again a small smile and a wave but all I do is nod. "I decided that teleporting here would be quicker. Ok, now I know that this is going to sound crazy, but from what Cordelia told me over the phone a couple hours ago it sounds like Faith was upset and we all know how she can get a little…irrational when she's upset." I nod my head yes. Faith can be very stupid when she's upset. "So, the twins and I checked out the scene of the crash and we talked to Cordelia about where Faith had gone. We were trying to backtrack to see if we could find what upset her." The twins? Why did she call them the twins if they look almost nothing alike? "I I'll let them take it from here. I'm sorry to run out like this but I want to go check on Kennedy. She's really worried. And Buffy, everything will be ok. I promise." I really wish she didn't say that. She can't promise that. I smile at her and give her a hug and then she leaves in a little bit of a hurry leaving me alone with Faith and 'the twins'. The taller one steps forward and starts talking.

"Ok, so from what Cordelia said Faith was going to a concert but she wasn't sure where." She's talking pretty fast and I'm having a little trouble keeping up. "So we-"

"Went on the Internet and checked out the dates and times of the concerts locally." The shorter one interrupts. Ok, this is going to get confusing. "And then we went through her stuff, sorry about that by the way, and we found her credit card and did a history check on the company website and we found that-"

"She was at the Redding Convention Center. There were tons of people there, like, a little under two thousand. So we were thinking, what if someone tried something? From what Willow told us Faith gets hit on all the time. But what if someone was really persistent?" The tall one does have a point. Faith gets frustrated when people hit on her and can't take a hint to stop. But she never gets really upset. "So we talked to security-"

"And had them hand over the tapes from the time the concert started until it ended. She was in the front row and this guy came up to her and we thought-"

"That he looked really familiar." The tall one says. Ok, which one is which? Now they seem almost exactly the same to me. This is really confusing. And why do they keep interrupting each other? This is weird. "So we took a freeze from of his face from the tape and sent it back to the research team at the facility and they sent us this." She hands me a fax that looks like it's a photocopy from a book. Giles better not find out that they did this, he'll freak out on them. "That guy wasn't just a guy he's-"

"A seduction demon. Well, sort of. He's kind of a like an evil cupid. Only instead of brining couples together and making them fall in love-"

"He senses when someone is deeply in love and then uses his evil power of seduction to get them to cheat, thus breaking the couple apart. She was able to resist but only after a little kiss action and some teasing." Ok so she made out with a demon, why would she get so upset by that? Ok, I guess I can understand, she probably didn't know he was a demon at the time so she probably blamed herself for not stopping it before it started. Then the short one starts talking again.

"She left after he broke the kiss. It takes someone with a lot of willpower to be able to leave him like that. We got the security tapes from the outside of the building as well, and we found that she ran off to the jogger's path and stayed there for at least an hours before she walked back to her car." Wow, she actually got an entire sentence out.

"And we have a team hunting down the demon now. It won't be easy but he is killable. All we have to do is track him down. And Willow is working on a spell so that she'll be able to heal Faith-"

"But make it look like she's still hurt. That way the doctors won't be suspicious. But she's going to set it up so that her slayer healing will take effect and make it look like she's healing at a really fast rate, even though she'll be better already. And then once she leaves-"

"Willow will reverse the glamour thing and she'll look as good as new. But it'll take a while because she's going to heal the brain and that's a tricky thing to do, but not impossible the only problem is-"

"She has to wait until the swelling goes down before she can heal her. She wants to heal her all at once so she won't be in any pain." The short one tells me. Ok, this is good. So Willow will be able to heal Faith and then use a glamour so no one is suspicious. Now if we can only figure out how long it'll take for the swelling to go down. The doctor didn't tell me how long it'll take, but that there's a lot of damage. "Well, we need to get back. We'll tell you when the demon is killed, I'm sure you'll want to know that. Bye Buffy." I say my goodbyes to them and then they leave. Wow, that was a very fast and somewhat confusing conversation. Which one was which again? I don't even remember their names. Now I know why they're called the twins. I look over at Faith, she's so sill, and she looks almost lifeless. She has road rash all over her face, and her jaw is swollen pretty badly.

"Did you hear all of that, baby? It wasn't your fault at all. He was a demon who wanted to break us up. And Willow is going to heal you. You're going to be fine Faith. All you have to do is get through the next couple of days on your own and we'll do the rest. But please stay strong, baby. Please, please don't give up on me. I need you, our babies need you. Please Faith, don't leave me." I break down again, sobbing harder then I was before. There's hope now where there wasn't any before, but there's still the possibility that something could go wrong and she could die before Willow has a chance to heal her. I rest my head on the bed again and rest my cheek against her hand. It's bandaged up because she had really bad road rash from being scraped against the street. I don't understand it, she's always so careful. And she just kissed him, it's not like she had a quickie right there in the middle of the concert. Someone please tell me this is a dream. Tell me that none of this is real, that it's all a bad nightmare and I'm going to wake up in the apartment back in Ohio and Faith is at home taking care of our children. Let it be a dream and please wake me up.

CPOV

Ok, so when I got the call saying that a Ms. Faith Lehane was in the hospital, at first I didn't really panic because I thought that maybe she just got stabbed or something on patrol and her slayer healing would fix her right up. But then I saw the report on the news about a Faith Lehane that got into an accident on her motorcycle and she was found a few hours ago and rushed to the hospital and the doctors say that it doesn't look good. I tried as hard as I could not to panic because the kid was standing right there. So I calmly picked up the cordless phone and walked outside. I told him to stay in the house and then I called Kennedy. I'm sure you're wondering what's going on between the two of us because we're always at each other's throats but I'll get to that later because there's more important stuff to talk about. So I called Kennedy and she rushed right over and I went to the hospital.

The doctors wouldn't tell me anything because I'm not Faith's family so I called Buffy from a payphone in the hospital. And this creep came up behind me and started hassling me half way through. What is wrong with the people in this town? It's like proper manners and how to act in public has been bred right out of them. Like they're all products of incest or something. And I waited here, by myself for a little over fourteen hours until Buffy finally showed up. She looked horrible but it's understandable considering the love of her life might not make it through the night. And I feel bad for her. Faith does something incredibly stupid and now Buffy has to pay for it. I know she's conceded like that, and thinks that everything bad happens because the world is against her, but this time I'm not going to get on her case about it.

The doctor escorted her back to the room about two hours ago. I've been sitting here waiting for my turn to see Faith but I don't think I'm going to get it. I know that I'm not friends with Faith, and we're not very close at all, but I would like to see if she's going to be ok. I care, shocking I know, but I do. I know that if she dies then Buffy will go into a total break down and I don't think she'll get over it. And then those two kids of hers will have to go live somewhere else because she'll be too depressed to take care of them. It's just a theory but it's a damn good one if you ask me.

This is getting really boring now. I hate just sitting around with nothing to do. I need to be doing something, helping in some way. But there's nothing I can do and it's driving me crazy. I don't want to leave just in case something happens, but I don't want to stay here all by myself. This is depressing. But it's sort of throwing things into perspective for me. Let me explain, Buffy and Faith, they've been together for like….eight years now, they love each other a lot and have had all this time together. So if Faith does die then Buffy will have all of the good memories. She has a middle with Faith, even if the ending comes too soon. But me? I barely got a beginning and then it all ended. I was promised that I would be loved, that they were going to stay with me. Ok, enough with the pronoun game, I guess you might as well know that the person I'm taking about is a woman. No big deal. But she promised me everything and I got almost nothing. A week of bliss and happiness, and even though it was wrong because she was seeing someone, it just felt so right. She'd hold me afterwards and I felt like I finally belonged somewhere. And then they left, all of the slayers, everyone that had been staying at the hotel. They just left, including her.

We talked on the phone after they stopped at another hotel and she tried to explain to me why she left. She said that she just couldn't stay with me, that too many people are counting on her and she had to go. Yeah right. She explained that Willow would have been devastated, first losing Tara, then giving over complete control and trusting Kennedy with everything and Kennedy said that if she left, Willow would probably never trust anyone again. And she might have been right but we don't know that. They hadn't been together for that long. Willow could have gotten over it and found someone to really love her. And then Kennedy made me promise not to tell anyone about us. Yeah, like that was going to be a problem. 'Cause I really want the world to know that I finally found someone to love and then she just left me in the dust. I'm pissed at her, but at the same time I just want to curl up in her arms and have her tell me that she loves me, that she wants me, even if it's all a lie.

And there's the nerdy Wicca now, being followed by two blondes that look about eighteen maybe nineteen. It's hard to tell from this distance. I hope she doesn't see me. Being around her and talking to her is really hard because all I want to do is tell her that Kennedy really loves me and it isn't fair that Willow has her. Because Kennedy does love me. I've called her a couple of times over the years and she says that she loves us both and now that she's been with Willow for so long it doesn't matter if she loves me more she can't leave because she's built roots. I called her a bitch and said that those roots could have been with me. Then she apologized and hung up the phone. And lets not forget about the time I drove up here. Did you really think I would waste my precious vacation time just to see the old gang? Please, I'd go to Cancun in a heartbeat if I weren't in love with her.

I found out what hotel she was staying at and I convinced the guy behind the desk to give me the extra room key. She was in such bad condition. She was drinking almost none stop, she hadn't showered, and her hair was a frightening mess. I cleaned up the room while she was passed out. I threw out all the vodka bottles and then opened the window to let the smell air out. When she woke up I helped her undress and we took a shower together. It wasn't as hot as it sounds because she was so hung over. I washed her hair and then helped her shave her legs and underarms. Yeah, if you think the shower was sexy then you need help.

After the shower she was brushing her teeth and the taste of the toothpaste made her sick and I held her hair up for her. Once all of the alcohol was out of her system she was able to actually get her teeth brushed. I helped her get dressed and ordered some room service. We laid down together and she started crying, saying that she regrets what she did and she never meant to hurt Willow because she doesn't deserve it. Apparently she was trying to convince herself that Willow didn't love her anymore, and she used Willow's job as the excuse. She said that as long as Willow loves her she can't leave her. I told her that it doesn't matter because Willow will move on, all that matters is Kennedy is true to herself. She leaned over and we started to kiss, and we were interrupted by the room service before anything serious could happen. After a couple cups of coffee and a few mints we started kissing again and it led to much, much more. What we shared was beautiful because both of our hearts was in it. It wasn't just rebound sex, and it wasn't her trying to feel good after feeling nothing but pain. It was special. It was ours. Afterwards she held me in her arms and she told me that she would leave Willow. That she was going to go to her house and pack the rest of her bags and come clean about everything. She promised me that we could be together finally.

But I should have learned from the first time that her promises are only halfhearted. She wants to be with me but she doesn't want to hurt Willow because she cares about the little redhead and the last thing she wants to do is break her heart. So now she's in a relationship that she doesn't fully want to be in and she won't leave even though we want to be together. I did come up here to help Faith with the baby. I love kids and would one day like to have a couple of my own, but I also wanted the chance to talk to Kennedy without Willow knowing about it. She would be in Ohio and I would be able to go over to Kennedy's after Faith and the kids go to bed and just talk to her. And I did, twice. The first time was nothing more then a screaming match. I yelled at her for lying to me, for just leaving me twice, and I told her that I hate her, even though I don't. She told me that I need to get over it and move on because she'll never leave Willow be with someone as conceited as me, and that I was nothing more then a good screw to her. I slapped her across the face and stormed out of the house. That's when things started to get really tense between us. But I had to go back, I needed to try and fix things. This is my heart we're talking about, and sure I may be a little conceited and selfish, especially about this, but I can't help it. This is more then just sex. This is more then just a couple of really good nights. I love her, and I was going to make her understand that.

So I showed up and she tried to explain herself again. She apologized for saying those awful things but I didn't apologize for mine. I told her that I don't hate her, and I never could, but I don't regret saying it. She told me that she does want to be with me, that she'll always want to be with me but she can't because she cares too much about Willow to hurt her like that. I told her to choose. I begged her to pick me, to love me, to run away with me, but she said she couldn't. She has too many ties here, too many roots. She told me that it would be best if we don't see each other anymore at all, and I should stop calling her. I don't call her often but she said it has to stop. I told her that if this is really what she wants and she won't regret anything later on in life then I'll leave her alone, that I'll finally stop trying. But now that I'm here, sitting in this hospital alone while someone might loose the love of their life…I need her here. I can't be alone. Even if it's only for tonight and it's only her sitting here holding me while we wait for some news on Faith, I just need her here. But I have to fight the urge because she asked me to stay away and if it's one thing I've learned about slayers over the years it's that they are very stubborn, and she wouldn't come here even if I did beg her to, so why bother? Why go through that rejection again?

God, I'm so sick of just sitting here. I'm going back there even if they do try to stop me. I've been working with Angel long enough to develop some fighting skills, I can fight back one of the nurses if I have to. So I get up and walk towards the direction that the doctor led Buffy. It shouldn't be too hard to find. How many recovery rooms can one floor have? Apparently a lot. I've been looking for ten minutes now and I still don't see them. Ok, this has to be it, it's the last door on this hallway and I know that the doctor brought Buffy back here. There were no turns or any other halls to go down, so this has to be it. I look into the semi-dark room and see Faith, lying in the bed, unconscious from the drug-induced coma the doctors put her in, and Buffy hunched over the bed crying her eyes out and begging Faith not to leave her. I was going to go in there, if Buffy was asleep, and tell Faith how stupid she is for crashing. According to the new report the accident was caused by her going too fast on a wet road. She knows better then that, at least I thought she did. And why did Buffy even let her buy that death on wheels anyway? I know that Faith is stubborn and probably would have boughten one anyway, but Buffy is the 'girl' of the relationship. All she would have to do is withhold sex long enough and Faith would have cracked in like a week, the bike would have been gone and they would have been makin with the love instead of being here, beat up and unconscious with Buffy crying over her seemingly lifeless body.

I wipe away the tears before they mess up my make-up. I had every intention of going into that room and giving Faith a piece of my mind even if she can't hear me. But now all I want is Kennedy. Seeing Faith like that, knowing that it could be me or her if an accident where to happen and I would have died because I'm not a slayer. I can't go on anymore like this. I want my beginning and the middle that's full of love and fights and making up and us moving in together and having kids, even if it's artificial insemination or us adopting. I want my ending with all of the memories to look back and reflect on. I don't want to just stand here while she's not completely happy and I'm totally miserable. I don't want to see Willow get hurt but if it means us being happy together then I'm willing to do it. I sigh heavily and walk over to the payphone. I just need her here. I just need her to hold me. I'll confess everything to her, again, later but right now I just need to feel like someone cares, like I'm not completely alone. I put fifty cents into the slot and dial the phone number to Faith's house because I know that's where she is. I wait a minute and then she finally picks up. I'm silent for a few seconds as she continues to demand who is calling so late. I sniffle loudly and wipe at my nose and then I start speaking but it's difficult because I'm trying hard not to cry.

"Hi, it's me. I know we agreed not to talk anymore but...I need you here. Please, please just...come over. Come over and be with me. I know you told me it'll never happen between us but please just come." There are tears running down my face and I hear her sigh but she doesn't say anything. I choke back a sob. "Kennedy I love you, I've loved you for the last eight years. It isn't going to stop and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't get over it, and I don't want to. Please, I really need you right now." I hear her sigh again and I hear Willow talking in the background, asking who's on the phone. Kennedy doesn't answer her.

"I can't, I'm sorry. I have to watch the kids…" she trails off and I know exactly what she wants to say. 'And Willow's here'. That's what is stopping her, that's what's always stopped her. I start to cry, screw the make-up I can touch that up later. She sighs again, I'd really wish she'd stop doing that. I can't just stand here and sound pathetic, but it's probably too late for that. I'm so glad nobody around here knows me because this would be really embarrassing.

"But you don't love her. You love me, please Kennedy. You told me so yourself. You care about Willow but you're not in love with her. Never have you told me that you love her. It's always 'I love you but I can't hurt Willow.' Or 'I'm sorry but I care for her too much'. Please, I know you told me it'll never happen but I really need you right now even if it's just you holding me for a while. Willow can watch the kids so please Kennedy, please come over." I'm sobbing now and I hear something slam down in the background. What the fuck? I hear Willow talking but I can't make out the words. She sounds angry. I bet I know what happened. How much you want to wager? She got curious as to who Kennedy was talking to but Kennedy ignored her so Willow went to the other room and got the other cordless phone and listened in on the conversation. Yep, that's exactly what happened.

"I'm sorry Cordelia, but I can't. I have to go. Willow overheard what you said and she's pretty pissed. Rent a hotel room and get some rest, ok?" And she hangs up. I hang up the phone and I can feel everything inside of me shatter. I wonder around on unstable legs, feeling numb and cold. I ask a nurse where the bathroom is and she leads me to it. I guess I'm not really paying attention to anything she was saying. She leaves after I'm inside and I wash my face with some warm water from the sink. I look into my reflection in the mirror. What happened to me? I used to be so free, so…well not exactly happy but I wasn't haunted like this. One week with a girl I didn't even know and now I'm broken and I look horrible. My eyes are all puffy and my cheeks are flushed and my lips are all swollen and my nose is running. I haven't been this bad since Doyle sacrificed himself and Xander cheated on me. And who did he cheat on me with? Oh come on you all remember, don't play dumb I'm better at it then you. Willow. Little mousy Willow.

What is it about Willow that people love so much? Sure I can be a bitch but Kennedy saw a completely different side of me. I was caring and loving and even though we were only together for a week I felt like I had been with her for years. And I know she felt the same. She would be holding me and running her fingertips up and down my arm and kissing me on top of the head, like we'd been dating for years. It all seemed so right, almost like a healthy addiction or habit. Simple but so rewarding at the same time. And the only thing keeping me from having that all the time is the fact that Kennedy can't leave Willow. Oh no, wouldn't want to hurt the precious mouse.

She's not as innocent and loveable as everyone thinks she is. And I'm not talking about her killing that Warren guy either, or hurting everyone when she was addicted to the magic. She's a brain and she would brag about it every chance she got, gloating about how smart she is and how she got into every college on the planet and yet she's going to give up a great education to stay and fight evil. Whatever! She just wanted the attention. She wanted everyone to think that she was so noble. I'm the only one who saw through her little act. She just wanted Buffy and Xander to think that she's so great, but she's not. Sure if it weren't for her and her magic the entire world would be dead by now but big deal! I almost wish the world would have ended because then I would have never met Kennedy and I wouldn't be suffering so much because of it. I walk into one of the stalls and lock the door. I put down the toilet lid and sit down on top of it. I grab some toilet paper and wipe my nose and continue to cry. She's not coming over, she's not going to choose me, she's not going to love me, and I honestly don't think I'll live through it.

WPOV

I can't believe Faith got into an accident. She's usually really careful when she's on her bike. But I guess that's just what happens when you're upset. She must really love Buffy to get that upset over just kissing a guy. I mean, I know that she's always loved Buffy, but I've always kinda, sorta thought that if Buffy were ever out of town she'd fool around with the first offer. I guess I've never really trusted Faith or thought that she could fully change. People don't change that much. Even Kennedy. Yeah, I've pretty much been in denial for years when it comes to her. I love her so much and love makes you blind. But lately she's been more…affectionate, I guess would be a good way to put it. We cuddle at night, not all the time, but sometimes, mostly after we've…ya know. But lately she's been sort of…needy. I can't even sit on the couch and watch T.V. without her all over me. It's nice, don't get me wrong, it's just not normal for her.

And I get the feeling like there's something she's not yelling me. We've been together for like…eight years now and I know her very well, and sometimes she gets this look in her eyes, like she wants to say something but she keeps quiet. Or sometimes during…ya know, I'll tell her that I love her and she'll mumble it back but she'll never really say it, and then she won't even look at me. She'll start kissing my neck or she'll go down on me, and now I'm blushing, but she won't look me in the eyes when she says it. She's always been like that, I just figured she has a problem saying it but it's been eight years you'd think she'd be able to say it by now. And I guess I'm just worried because even though it's in the past and we don't talk about it I still haven't completely gotten over the 'her cheating on me' thing. I mean, I know she was feeling neglected and like I didn't love her, but she still cheated on me. She could have talked to me about it instead of going back to that bimbo's house.

And she's been acting so weird around Cordelia. I can't help but think that maybe something is going on between them. Ha, yeah right Willow, get a grip. Cordelia is not only as straight as a light post and when would they have fooled around? Cordelia lives all the way down in L.A. and it's not like she ever visits. I think I'm just being paranoid. I'm looking for badness where there's none. I'm sure she's just being affectionate because I had to leave. She didn't start until I was asked to go to Ohio. She was just going to miss me and wanted some extra Willow-snuggles before I left. I don't blame her. I wanted to be as close to her as possible. I don't think we left the bed for the entire three days before I left. And leaving was really hard but we both knew that I had to. Those girls needed to get back on track and I know that Buffy would be doing most of the work but I would help out in other ways, like making her go invisible and helping the magic teacher set up a better curriculum.

"So you two are going to explain to her what happened ok? Kennedy is at Buffy's house watching the kids and I really need to get there." I tell the two girls as we walk into the hospital. Tracy and Stacy, 'the twins'. They're not really twins, they've only known each other the last two or three years, but they stuck together like glue and paper. Ok, I know there's a better analogy but right now I don't really care. I need to drop these two off so they can tell Buffy the plan and then I need to get back to Kennedy. I know that Buffy is hurting but there's not much I can do about it, and unlike popular belief the whole world doesn't revolve around her. She won't want to leave Faith's side and no matter how much comfort I get her she won't do any better until I perform the spell. I ask the nurse where Faith's room is but she says that only family can visit and the doctor said only one at a time. I use my Wicca mojo, as Buffy calls it, to mentally scan through the hospital's computer system. Room 109, and it's just down this hall. All right, I can get us there. I lead the girls down the hall and no one says anything. Mostly because I'm using a sort of repellant so no one is looking over at us. It's hard to explain so I'm not even going to try. Her room is all the way at the end of the hall. We get there quickly and Buffy is sleeping. I slowly walk up to her, the girls following closely behind.

"Buffy," I whisper and she moves around a little. She cannot be comfortable all hunched over like that. Her back is going to be killing her. I shake her shoulder a little bit but all she does is groan and move around. Well, that sounded almost human. I shake her a little more and she groans again and her eyelashes flutter a little. "Buffy, wake up." She groans again and moves around a little more. She opens her eyes and looks up at me, I give her a small smile but I don't think she saw. Then she looks over at the girls and eyes them for a few minutes. I can tell she's trying to decide if they're friend or foe. She winces when she tries to sit up. I told you her back would be hurting. I place my hand on her back and send out the healing powers that I possess. She gives me a grateful look and then she stretches out.

"Buffy, this is Tracy." I point to the taller of the two girls. She waves at Buffy but all Buffy does is nod. A little rude but whatever. "And this is Stacy." Again with the nodding. But oh well. "I decided that teleporting here would be quicker. Ok, now I know that this is going to sound crazy, but from what Cordelia told me over the phone a couple hours ago it sounds like Faith was upset and we all know how she can get a little…irrational when she's upset." She nods her head yes. Yep, I know from first hand experience that Faith can be very irrational when she's upset. And by irrational I mean stupid. I really need to get out of here. I need to see Kennedy. She's probably really upset by this and the fact that she can't even come in here and see Faith…she probably really needs me right now. "So, the twins and I checked out the scene of the crash and we talked to Cordelia about where Faith had gone. We were trying to backtrack to see if we could find what upset her." She gives me this weird look, like 'why did you call them twins?' But I ignore it. "I'll let them take it from here. I'm sorry to run out like this but I want to go check on Kennedy. She's really worried. And Buffy, everything will be ok. I promise." She gives me this sad look and it's really heartbreaking to see. She gives me a big hug and I give her a little kiss on the side of her head.

I rush out of the room. I go into the bathroom and into one of the stalls. I teleport out and over to Buffy's house. Kennedy is feeding Addison. She's singing to her and gently rocking back and forth. I smile at the sight of it. We've been talking about having a baby for a while now. I mean, I helped create Addison here, I have the power to get either me or Kennedy pregnant, but she doesn't want to. She says that she just isn't ready to be a mom, and that the timing is all wrong. But I know better then that. I see the way she'll look at a baby or a toddler. It's almost like she's sad because the kid isn't hers. Like she really wants one she's just afraid to speak up. Maybe I'm just looking for something that isn't there but at the same time I think I'm right. Maybe she just doesn't want to have one with me? No, that's insane. She loves me. If she were ready to have one then she'd tell me. She just isn't ready.

"I'm back, baby." She looks up, surprised and she smiles wide. I walk up to her and give her a kiss on the lips. She tries to deepen it but then Addison starts fussing a little so we pull apart. "I teleported back here. I can only stay until Faith is well enough so I can do the healing spell. I know that sounds kind of dumb, but we have to wait for the brain swelling to go down otherwise something really bad could happen." She smiles at me a little and but she doesn't say anything. That's strange, she's always been a talker. I mean, she's not like a girly girl, talking all the time and never shutting up but she's never completely quiet like this. I guess she'd rather not hear about Faith's condition. It is kind of depressing. And we don't even know if she's going to make it through the night. Wow, maybe I really should go back to the hospital to be with Buffy. She could really use me right now. I hear Kennedy give out a little sigh and I look over at her. She smiles as she gently pulls the bottle away from Addison. She wouldn't make a good mom, yeah, and I got a forty-five on my SATs.

"Asleep at last." She whispers and then goes into Buffy and Faith's bedroom and puts her in the basinet. I sit down on the couch and wait for her to come back. I really need her right now. I've missed her more then she could possibly know. I mean, it's not like I'm going to have hot mind-blowing sex here...again. I wouldn't do that...again. Ok, remember the time when Faith was going all crazy because of that demon thing and Buffy and a bunch of other slayers ran off to go fight them? Well when Kennedy got back she sort of jumped me here in the living room. It's not like I was saying no, or wanting her to stop in anyway, but we can't do that now because the kids are here and I tend to get pretty loud and they don't need that kind of trauma. I'm sure Matt is damaged enough from just his two parents. "Hey baby." She says as she walks into the living room and sit down next to me. "It's good to have you back. I missed you so much." She wraps her arms around me and pulls me closer to her. She gives me little butterfly kisses all over my face. See what I mean about the affection? Normally she wouldn't be like this. But I'll be quiet about it because I like the attention. Did I say like? I mean love, I love the attention. "Buffy's going to stay at the hospital tonight so we're going to baby-sit the kids. We'll just sleep in their bed tonight." Sounds good to me. We've done this before. When Buffy and Faith are going to stay somewhere else we'll baby-sit, it was just Matt back then, and we'll sleep in their bed. They encourage it because these couches just aren't comfortable enough for overnight sleep.

"Well I'm pretty beat, you wanna just go to bed now?" She smiles at me and gives me a little kiss on the lips and starts running her fingers through my long hair. Yep, I definitely love the attention. She takes me by the hand and leads me to the bedroom. She knows as much as I do that nothing is going to happen other then sleep. She's already changed into her pajamas because she had a heads up about a sleep over, but I have to change into some of Buffy's boxers and a wife beater. I wanted to have packed a bag since I took a lot of my clothes to Ohio but then the students were talking about how this could be demon related so I got sidetracked. But this is fine, Buffy and I are about the same size so it's not big deal. "Mmm, I've missed this." I tell her as I snuggle into her arms. She smiles, I don't know how I know I just do. I can feel her smile. She gives me a little kiss on top of my head and I smile widely. We drift off to sleep and about an hour and a half later the phone rings. We both grumble and she answers it really quick before it wakes up the baby.

"Hello?" She's quiet for a few seconds. "Anyone there?" She's getting a little agitated. "I'm going to hang up so either talk or fuck off." She's grumpy when she's tired. However is on the other end starts to talk I guess and Kennedy gets a little upset. She's tense and she's not breathing regularly. She gets like this sometimes when she's on the phone with her sister. And her sister doesn't call much, maybe a dozen or so times in the last few years. "I can't, I'm sorry. I have to watch the kids…" What? Who's on the other end of the phone?

"Kennedy, who is it?" I ask but she ignores me. I know she heard me because she has that wonderful slayer hearing. So why is she ignoring me? This is stupid. Why isn't she answering me? I get up, a little frustrated and I go into the living room. I know that this breaks almost all privacy laws out there but I don't care. I hate it when she ignores me because that means she hiding something. I spot the cordless phone and I pick it up and press the talk button and hold the phone to my ear. Nothing can prepare me for what I'm about to hear. Nothing.

"...Never have you told me that you love her." It's Cordelia and she sounds really upset. And what the fuck is she talking about? Yeah, I'm known to cuss occasionally. I've changed a lot since Sunnydale. "It's always 'I love you but I can't hurt Willow.' Or 'I'm sorry but I care for her too much'." What? I've gone numb and all I can hear is what she's saying and I can't see anything in front of me. Nothing else matters but the phone in my hand. "Please, I know you told me it'll never happen but I really need you right now even if it's just you holding me for a while. Willow can watch the kids so please Kennedy, please come over." Oh my God! I throw the phone down. I don't think I turned it off but it doesn't matter. I stomp off towards the bedroom and stand in the doorway just as Kennedy hangs up the phone. I just stare at her with anger, and shock and pain. How long has this been going on? How has it been going on? She told Cordelia that she loves her? She can't even tell me that. She gets up out of the bed and walks towards me. I back up to give her some space and she walks out of the room and closes the door. She tries to hold my hand but I pull it back roughly. I follow her out to the kitchen, she turns on the light and then sits down at the table. I sit down across from her and just stare at her. I can feel tears burning the corners of my eyes.

"I'll start from the beginning but just to let you know nothing happen while you were gone, I swear on my life that nothing happened." But something happened before that? I'm quiet, I'm too pissed for words. She takes in a deep breath and lets it would slowly and then she starts. "It started eight years ago when we went to Angel's hotel after the battle. We were together almost that entire week since you were sleeping almost none stop. I told her that it wouldn't last, that I love you, but she's been persistent. She thinks that we belong together, and she really wants me to leave you for her, but I won't, I swear it." She stops talking and looks down at her hands. She takes in another deep breath but she doesn't look up at me. "We've been in contact over the years, a few phone calls. Remember when I said it was my sister on the phone?" I shake my head a little. I cannot believe I fell for that. "Well, it was really her. We were together again when she came up to visit when we were broken up." She goes quiet again and she's still looking at her fingernails. I smack the table to get her attention and she looks up at me. I have tears in my eyes I know, but I don't care.

"Do you love her?" She doesn't say anything, she doesn't move. She just sits there. I really want an answer to this question. She's not getting out of this conversation without answering it. "Kennedy, answer me, do you love her?" She sighs deeply and runs a hand through her long hair. I sigh and ask it again. "Do you love her?" I don't sound angry, hurt and pathetic but not angry anymore. She looks at me with this look in her eyes, like hearing me sound so upset is hurting her too. At least she feels something for me.

"I love you." That's not what I wanted to hear. She didn't answer my question, at least not really. I get angry again and slam my fist down on the table. Over dramatic yes but I don't care right now. I'm just so angry that if I didn't have complete control I probably would have magiced my fist through a wall or something. "That's not what I asked! Just be honest with me, do you love her!" Ok, maybe yelling isn't such a good idea with two little kids in the house, but I'm just so angry. I can't breathe and my chest feels like it's being compressed by a really heavy weight or something, like someone is sitting on it. I can hear the blood rushing through my ears and it's really irritating. I need to calm down before I have a heart attack or something. I feel some of the hot tears fall from my eyes but I ignore them. I just stare at her. She has tears in her eyes and her breathing is erratic. She nods her head yes and I think I just heard my world shatter. And then she makes it worst by talking. Well, I guess I deserve it, I did ask her and I told her to be honest. It's kind of pointless to deny anything now, I guess.

"Yes I do. I really do. I told her, when I thought we'd never be together again, that I go away with her, but then you took me back. And I never wanted to hurt you Willow, I swear, I never meant for any of this to happen. And I've tried to make these feelings stop but they won't go away. I'm so sorry. I know how much this means to you, I know how much you care about me and I didn't want to ruin that. I didn't want to leave you because I know how devastated you would be. You gave me something special, and I betrayed that I know, but I thought that as long as you didn't find out about it that it'd be ok. I thought that if enough time went by then these feelings would go away but they won't. And I don't know what to do anymore." I hold in my sobs. I refuse to cry in front of her. She's lied to me for years, she's soiled my trust in her, and she's tainted everything I thought we had. I refuse to give up my dignity as well. I stand up and go back into Buffy's bedroom and get dressed. She doesn't even follow me. I guess that's a good thing, it'll make this easier. I walk out into the kitchen and she's still sitting there, only now she's crying.

"Stay here and watch the kids. I need to get back to the hospital. Buffy could really use a friend right now." I walk out the front door and she doesn't even try to stop me. I walk down the steps, out the gate and down the driveway. I fold my arms over my chest because it's cold out and I don't have a jacket. Great, and now it's raining. Just the perfect thing to make this depressing day even more depressing. I start to walk down the street. I don't know where I'm going, I'm not paying attention to anything around me. All I can feel is this burning ball of anger and pain building up inside of my chest. And all I can see if Kennedy's face, the tears falling down her cheeks, the honesty and truth in her eyes when she told me that she loves Cordelia. She loves Cordelia. I start laughing, soft at first but it grows and grows until I'm forced onto my knees I'm laughing so hard. If anyone where out here to see this they'd probably think I'm crazy. Maybe I have gone mad, who knows? I calm myself down and get up and continue to walk down the street. And as the rain pours down, stinging my eyes and cheeks, and as the wind crackles through the trees I disappear in a soft cloud of smoke. I need to get away from this place and now.

FPOV

Ow, I'm sore all over it feels like. What the fuck happened? Where am I? This doesn't feel like my bed at all. How long have I been asleep? And who's touching me? Is Buffy back? How can Buffy be back, she isn't supposed to be back for another week and I still have to go shopping for her surprise. Why is it so cold in here all of a sudden? Ah, that feels much better, I don't ache anymore. What's that noise? Is someone chanting? Yeah, they're definitely chanting, and it sounds like Willow. What the fuck? She's supposed to be in Ohio with Buffy and Xander. I open my eyes really slowly. Ouch! Bad idea. That really fucking hurt.

"That fuckin hurt." I bring my hand up to my eyes and rub them a little bit. I hear someone start to cry and my eyes shoot open. It's Buffy, she's crying her eyes out, she looks exhausted. Where am I? I take a good look around the room. I'm in a hospital, just great. I wonder how long I've been in here this time. I look down at my legs, both of 'em are in casts. What the fuck? I look over at my right arm, the entire thing is in cast. Come on Faith, think, what happened to you? Then I hear someone start talking, it sounds like Red.

"Ok, I'm going to fix the brain damage now. This will probably take a while, fifteen maybe twenty minutes." What is she talking about? I feel her put her hands on my temples and this cold chill runs down my back. I start to shake and I can hear the heart monitor beeping loudly. Images start to flash before my eyes, and my lids are forced closed. I see Buffy leaving the bedroom as she heads out for Ohio. I see Kennedy and Cordelia fighting in the living room. I see myself getting into the car to go to the Motograter concert. I see that guy, Mark, holding onto my arms and leaning into kiss me. I can feel his mouth on mine, almost like a phantom, and I can almost feel his hardness against me as I tease him. I remember running out of the room, sitting up on the rock on top of the hill by the jogger's trail and wanting Buffy to be there with me because it was a really romantic spot. I remember getting in my car and driving around for a while and then takin it home and bringing out the bike. Oh fuck! I crashed my bike! If I crashed my bike why am I not in excruciating pain right now? I feel a warm breeze pass through the room and then I hear Red exhale the breath she musta been holding.

"Faith. Faith can you hear me?" I don't want to talk to her right now. I'm too embarrassed because I crashed my bike. Not only that but Buffy's going to kill me. She didn't want me to get it in the first place and I was always telling her that because I'm a slayer I can handle it better then normal people, even better then the professionals. She wasn't too convinced but she got off my back about it. But now…I don't think I'm going to make it home alive. "Faith, I know you're awake, you had your eyes open. Faith." I still play possum. I can practically feel the anxiety comin from B but I'd rather just lay here for a few more minutes. I hear Red sigh and then I feel her pinch my arm, really hard. I think she put some magic behind it to give it a little more sting.

"Fuck you Red." I yell out as my eyes shoot open and I reach for my arm but it's still in a cast so it won't move. I hate being in a cast. It fucking sucks. I could so easily break this too. Just keep bending my arm until the mold breaks. Then I could just walk out of here. A thought crosses my mind and a sliver of panic runs through me. "How…how long was I out?" What if I've been in a coma for months or years? Did I miss my kids growing up? Has Buffy been a single mom for a really long time? I look over when I see movement and Buffy practically throws herself on top of me. She's crying her eyes out, and her body is shaking violently. And I can't even hold her good enough because one of my arms is in a fucking cast. "Shh, baby I'm alright. Shhh." But she keeps crying, and it's tearing me up inside.

"You were only out for three days. I had to wait until your brain was a little better before I could do the spell. I'm glad you're ok Faith. And from now if you're going to ride off into the night on your motorcycle, be a little more careful ok? I need to get out of here." Something's wrong with, I can tell. It's not like I'm 'queen of observation' but she doesn't sound very happy, and she looks really sad. And the weird thing, she doesn't even walk out the door, she just disappears into a little cloud of smoke. She's never done that before and it's pretty trippy to see. So, I was only in a coma for three days. Well, that's good I guess. Better then eight months or even a week. I'm already starting to feel a little stir crazy. I need to get out of here and fast before I lose my sanity.

"Buffy, baby, I know you're upset but please get off me. I need to get up." She shakes her head no and clings onto me tighter. I gently rub her back and give her head a little kiss. After a few minutes she starts to calm down and sniffles really loudly. That's gross. She sits up and rubs the tears away from her eyes and then gives me this evil death glare. And here it comes. This is why I wanted to play possum, but no, Red just had to pinch me, didn't she? Oh well, I guess I've got this comin. I'm quiet as I wait for her to start in on me but she doesn't. She just stares at me for a minute or two and then gets up and goes into the bathroom. I guess she wants to clean up a little bit first. While she's gone a doctor walks into the room. Tall, maybe five seven, with red hair, a long white doctor's coat, she sort of reminds me of Addison Shepherd from Grey's Anatomy. Hmm, maybe I will stick around if she's my doctor.

"Ms. Lehane, nice to see you awake. My name is Dr. Wolski, how are you feeling today?" she asks as she sits down on the edge of the bed. She pulls that stupid little pen light thing out of her front coat pocket and then holds open my eyelid and points the light onto my eyes. She nods her head, which I take as a good sign and then she does it to the next. "Pupils are very responsive, that's really good." See, I told you it was a good thing.

"I'm feeling fine. A little anxious, but otherwise I'm good. When do I get to go home?" She sighs and looks up at some of the monitors and then looks at my chart. She writes some stuff down and then calls for one of the nurses. I hear something about a CAT scan, and some blood work being done. I cringe at the thought of it. I hate needles. Buffy is always teasing me because I can handle demons and vampires and other scary monsters but I hate the thought of a needle being stuck into me. "So, you never answered my question, when do I get to go home?" After the nurse leaves she gives me this look, this sympathetic look. Ok, why is she looking at me like that? Was the accident really that bad?

"Ms. Lehane." Wow, nobody's ever called me that before. It sounds so weird. I mean, I understand the reality that I am a mother but no one's ever made me sound like one before. They're always like 'oh my god you're a mom? You look way too young'. But I don't think I've ever sounded like a mom before. It's hard to explain. "You have severe internal damage. When you hit the ground you landed on your stomach, which caused a lot of your organs to bruise or rupture. We fixed most of the damage, your spleen had to be taken out, but you need to stay here for observation while you heal. We also need to do a couple more operations on you. Your pelvic bone is broken from the impact of the crash and we need to go in and fix that by placing some screws into the bone." What she doesn't know is that Red already fixed me up. "So, Ms. Lehane, you won't be going home for a while. The extent of your injuries is pretty severe so you'll be here another month, possibly longer." She's delusional if she thinks that's going to happen.

"Look, Dr. Wolski, I know you're just doin your job and makin sure that I'm going to be fine but this is my decision and I want to leave." I sound stern maybe a little mean but I don't care. I want out of here and I'm not going to let a She-Shepherd look-a-like keep me here. She sighs and lightly scratches at the skin by her watch. Probably just a nervous tick or something. I hold back a smile. From what I hear it takes a lot to irritated a doctor and I'm getting under this one's skin. Is it strange that I feel proud?

"Look, Faith." Oh so we're on a first name bases now. This must be her trying to identify with me and get down to 'my level'. Well it's not gonna work because I'm better. Red fixed me. Maybe I should send her some flowers as a thank you. Maybe a fruit basket? I'll think of something when I get some. "Your injuries are massive and they're not going to heal on their own. If you leave this hospital without the proper medical care you will die." So much for getting down to my level. Trying to scare the patient into staying, aren't you like not supposed to do that or something? "Recovery isn't going to be easy but if you're going to survive at all you need to stay here." No I don't. I really wish I could explain to her why I don't need to stay but I can't. If I even said the word witch or magic I'd probably be taken in for a head CT right now. I sigh heavily but it isn't a sigh of defeat. I'm leaving and that's all there is to it.

"And it's something I'm willing to risk. Please, cancel whatever tests you have me signed up to take and get me the sign out papers because I am leaving and there's nothing you can say that'll change my mind." I hope she doesn't know about my kids because if she uses the 'kid card' I might just say. But she doesn't, she finally gives. Or at least she leaves the room. Hmm, I wonder if they'll send in a Doctor Stevens look-a-live, 'cause that would be wicked. I smile to myself about that and then Buffy walks out of the bathroom. She was in there for a long time, I hope she's ok. She walks over and sits down on the bed next to me. I give her a small sad smile and then sigh deeply. "So, three days huh?" She nods her head yes and I can see fresh tears welling up in those tired eyes. I wonder if she's been home at all.

"Yeah, and a lot's happened too. Not just your accident. Willow and Kennedy broke up and Willow's been staying in Ohio and just teleporting back when she needs to. Kennedy and Cordelia are trying to get things worked out between them. Apparently after the big battle when we stayed at the hotel Kennedy and Cordelia were together and Kennedy promised her all of these things, like they would be together and Cordelia says that she fell in love with her. And then Kennedy picked Willow but Cordy just couldn't let it go. And when she was up here last time, when Willow was staying with us, they were together again and Kennedy promised that they would run off together but that didn't happen. And apparently Kennedy stayed with Willow for so long because she didn't want her to get hurt but she really loves Cordelia. And they're just talking now and trying to get things worked out I guess." Wow, what a fuckin time to be in a coma. I missed all that? I swear, the next time I crash my bike I'll make sure to land on my ass that way I won't be comatose and miss everything that's going on.

"Damn. How are the kids? Have you been home at all?" She nods her head yes. I lift my bandaged hand up and wipe away a stray tear that's making its way down her face. She lies down on the bed next to me and rests her head on my shoulder. I pull her closer using my good arm. Well, my other arm is good but I can't use it because of the stupid cast. I cannot wait until the drive home. I'm going to have Buffy pull over on the side of the road so I can break them off and then we'll throw them in a dumpster or something because I don't Mattie seeing me like that. Buffy sighs and starts toying with the tips of my hair. She gives a little tug and I fight back a groan, I love it when she plays with my hair.

"Fine. I didn't tell Matthew how bad you were, just that you fell off your bike and you're hurt. He's upset and staying in his room mostly. Kennedy's been calling every couple of hours and giving me an update on what's going on. She said that Addison is a little fussier then usual. But it's not like I would know." And here comes the guilt. Sure she doesn't know her own daughter. In this short month Addy has developed a lot and her personality is already starting to show a little, and Buffy's been gone so she's missed out on getting to see her change. But I can't let her feel bad for it. She had to go, really bad things could have happened if she didn't. Yes, worst then this.

"Hey, don't worry about it. You had to leave, Giles really needed you. And you're home now and you'll get to spend as much time with her as you want, getting to know her habits and stuff like that. Besides when we go to Ohio I'll take care of the juniors and you can take care of the kids. Addy's on the bottle now so I don't have to be around her all the time anymore." As much as I want to be I know the reality of it. We're all going to Ohio together and B and me are going to share the responsibility of being the two original slayers. And if they thought Buffy was pissed and harsh, which I'm sure she was, they'll have no idea what's hit 'em when they face me. Like I probably said before, I'm a very hands on person, if one of the brats back talks me or doesn't want to do what I want them to I have no problem giving them a good slap across the face, or sparring with them and showin 'em who's boss. And before she can point out the fact that I said 'we' I start to explain. "I'm gonna talk to Giles about Red and Xander building us a small two bedroom apartment type thing on the grounds. This month has been hell without you and it isn't fair that you have to miss out on so much because those brats are actin up. After Christmas when you planned on goin back we'll all go together. I can talk to Red about bein a comic taxi and teleporting Mattie to school an' back, that way he won't have to switch schools." She sighs and I know she wants to protest and point out all of the bad things about my plan but she doesn't, because she wants us to go with her as badly as I do. And then the doctor walks back into the room holding three clipboards. I don't think this is going to be a good thing.

"Ok, Ms. Lehane, if you really want to leave then there's nothing we can do to stop you. But I'm putting it in your record that you're doing this against medical recommendation and if you'll just sign this." She hands me the first clipboard and Buffy holds onto it and then she hands me a pen. I scan over the words, it looks like some kind of contract or something. "This will go on file instating that we tried to convince you not to do this but you did it anyway and if you die or suffer any further injury that is caused by you leaving then your family cannot sue the hospital or any of its employees." Ah, ok. Well, that sounds fair I guess. I'm not left handed so this is a little difficult. Alright, and it's signed. Buffy hands it back to her and then the doc hands me the second clipboard. "These are the release papers that you need to sign. It'll take a couple of minutes and then I'll be back to go over the prescriptions that you'll need to get." I hate taking medicine. She sets the third clipboard down on the counter and then leaves the room. Buffy helps me sign all of the papers and it takes about ten minutes. I cannot wait to get all of this stuff of me. Ok, this has been bothering me for a while now. If Red healed me then how come the doctor hasn't said anything? I mean, a crash as bad as the one that I had there's gonna be road rash on my arms and face and I don't see any on my arms and I haven't look in a mirror but I don't think there's any on my face. So how come she isn't marveling at the fact that I'm all better?

"Get those all signed?" she asks as she walks back into the room. There's a nurse wheeling a wheelchair. I guess I'm going to have to sit in that. "Ok, here are the orders for your prescriptions. Follow the directions very carefully." She unclips three pages off of that third clipboard and hands them to me. There's got to be a hundred prescriptions here. Oh well, it's not like I have to take them or anything. I watch as Buffy gets up and the doctor and the nurse start unhooking me from the machines and they take the IV needle out of my arm. God that feels so much better. Buffy reaches into a bag that's sitting in the plastic chair. When did that get there? She takes the stupid hospital gown off of me and changes me into a large t-shirt. That feels better too. She forgot to get me a bra though. Oh well. Then she leans in really close to my ear.

"There's more clothes in the car." I smile at her and give her a little kiss on the lisp. She lifts me up off the bed and sets me down in the wheelchair. The doctor and nurse are looking at her like she's some kinda freak. Right, 'cause I really weight that much more then her. Whatever. I say thanks to the doctor and nurse and then she wheels me out of the room down the hall through the waiting room and out the big front doors. God this cold hair feels so good right now. "So we'll drive for a little bit and I'll call Willow on the cell and have her come and finish the spell. I didn't think you were going to demand to leave like that." What? Finish the spell? I thought it was done already? I feel fine, how come she didn't finish it? "The plan was for you to appear to still be bad that way the doctors wouldn't suspect anything. You still look like hell to everyone but you and me and Willow. To everyone else your face is swollen and road rashy, along with your hands, your organs are about to die, your legs and arm are still broken and I don't even want to go into the brain damage." Wow, so that crash really fucked me up. It's dark out here and no one's around so I guess now is the perfect time to do this. I bend my arm and the cast breaks like it's nothing. I pull it off of me and toss it aside. Someone else can clean it up. I scoot down in the chair and then bend my legs. It takes a little more force but they break just the same. I stand up out of the chair and pull my baby into a big hug. She starts crying again. I really wish she'd stop that. I can't stand to see or hear her cry.

"I was so scared. We thought you were never going to wake up. I didn't know what I was going to do. I can't lose you Faith, not ever." We hug each other tighter and I can feel her tears running down my neck. A cool breeze sweeps by and I'm suddenly very aware of the fact that I'm only wearing a t-shirt. I shiver and she laughs a little. It isn't funny, I'm literally freezing my ass off out here. She pulls back enough so she can see my face. She gives me a little kiss on the lips and then reaches into her pocket and pulls out her keys that are on the Daffy Duck key chain I bought her and the bag that she had brought with her. "Here. Go get in the car and warm up. I have to take the chair back and then we'll call Willow and have her fix you up." She gives me another kiss on the lips and then takes the wheel chair back to the hospital. As she's walking away I can't help but check out her ass. And then another breeze picks up and I shiver and run to the car. I quickly open it and jump inside. I open up the bag that she has in the backseat and I slip into the sweat pants and I pull on the sweatshirt so fast that I almost rip it. I see her running towards the car and she jumps in on the driver side about fifteen seconds later Willow shows up in the back seat in a puff of smoke. She doesn't look so good. Should I say something? No, I think I should be quiet.

"Close your eyes." She tells me, so I do. She rests her hands on either side of my head like she did before. I shiver when I feel the cold rush of magic work its way throughout my body. A couple minutes later she's finished with whatever it is she did. She says her goodbyes and then leaves in another puff of smoke. Well, that was sort of depressing. I look over at Buffy and she gives me this small, sad smile. I smile back and reach over and take her by the hand. I give her knuckles a little kiss and she smiles at me. I let go of her hand and she drives us home. It's really late and I'm not expecting anyone to be up. Well, maybe Kennedy but not the kids. I guess life is just full of surprises because as soon as I open the door Mattie comes flying into my arms. I wrap my arms around him and he hugs me tightly. After a minute or two I pull him back a little.

"Mommy said you were hurt." I smile at him and use one of my hands to ruffle his hair a little bit. I nod my head yes and he starts to look closely at my face and then my neck and then my arms. "You don't look hurt." I smile at him again and then put him down on the floor. He wraps his arms around one of my legs. He looks up at me with those big puppy dog eyes. And now I know why B can never say no whenever I start to pout, nobody stands a chance against that.

"That's 'cause aunt Willow fixed me up. I'm all better now. How 'bout you go crawl into bed and me and Mommy will come tuck you in." He pouts for a couple of seconds but he gives in and walks off to his bedroom. I sigh deeply and then look over at Kennedy. Poor girl looks like she's about ready to drop. I walk up to her and do something that's pretty rare. I pull her into a hug and surprisingly she hugs me back. The typical type of physical contact between us is a playful punch in the arm or something so for us to hug it's kind of weird but she needs it. "Things will get better." I whisper into her ear. She nods her head a little and then pulls back. I look over where I last saw Buffy standing but she's gone. "So, you and Cordelia huh?" She nods her head yes and looks down, like she's ashamed. "So are you two only talkin or what?" She sighs and takes her hair out of the flimsy ponytail it was in.

"We're just talking. She's staying at a hotel and I'm still at the house. I don't know where Willow's staying. She won't talk to me. And Buffy's been worried about you and she's pretty pissed at me so she won't say anything. I'd like to know if she's ok, but I guess it's none of my business anymore." She pauses and we sit down on the couch. I can tell she needs to get some of this out. "I really thought that if I was with her long enough, that if I stayed away from Cordy and just be with her then eventually I'd love her as more then a really good friend. But it never happened and my feelings for Cordelia never went away." She pauses again and we both sigh. This is going to be tough on everyone. I just hope it doesn't turn into a huge fight and sides are picked because I know that I'll have to take Kennedy's side. What she did to Willow will be better when she gets over the hurt. She'll be able to move on and find someone who will love her. Yep, it's better this way. I just hope Kennedy told her about her bein in love with Cordy and she didn't find out on her own.

"Kennedy. Go home. Get some sleep. I'm not tryin ta run you out or anything but you look worst then the walkin dead." We smile a little and I get a tiny laugh out of her. See, she's getting better already. "Thank you so much for takin care of the kids. I'll talk to you later, ok?" She nods her head yes and then gets up, and walks out of the house without saying another word. I sigh and then get up and walk towards Mattie's room. I stand in the doorway and watch as Buffy argues with Mattie and tries to get him into the dumb Clifford pajamas she bought him. He hates that dumb red dog, I don't blame him for putting up a fight. But she thinks they're cute and likes it when he wears them. She's so weir sometimes. "Hey, what's the problem in here?" I ask in a mock-serious tone as I walk into the room. They stop what they're doing and look over at me. I give B a little wink and then look over at Mattie. "Well?" I raise an eyebrow at him for dramatic effect.

"Mommy wants me to wear those stupid dog pajamas but I wanna wear the fire truck ones." He whines and then throws himself down on the bed. Wow, he really is tired. He normally doesn't throw temper tantrums, which we are so grateful for. I have a feeling we're going to be putting up with a lot of those when Addy learns to crawl. I walk over to the dresser and ignore them as they start to argue again. B's doin her best to stay calm but she does have a temper, and she likes it better when she gets her way on just about everything. I pull out the snowman pajamas and walk over to the bed. See the problem with B is she argues with him and tries to make him see reason. I just go in and have him do what I want. I don't ask him to, so there's nothing to protest. At least that's how it used to be. "I don't want those I want the fire trucks!" And he takes after Buffy's ability to yell really loud.

"You do not yell at me." I sound stern and he knows not to push it with me because I don't put up with his arguing like Buffy does. I know that out of the two of us I'm the sucker for his antics, but I know when to put my foot down, and he listens to me more. She's always hated that about me, but whatever. I get him changed and I hear Buffy sigh. I wonder if that's a good thing or not. I pick him up and pull back the covers and then tuck him in. Buffy's right at my side now, her arm is wrapped around my lower back. This is our usual routine for putting him to bed. "'Night, Mattie, love you." I say and give him a kiss on the forehead. He says it back and then B says her piece and then gives him a kiss. He says that he loves her and then we leave together and I turn out the light. Yep, everything is going to get back to normal soon and we can all forget that she was ever gone. I yawn widely. You'd think after being in a coma for three days I wouldn't be this tired.

She gives me a little kiss on the neck and we walk into the bedroom. We change into our pajamas and then crawl under the covers. Because the basinet is so close to my side of the bed I can sit up and then lean over and give Addy a little kiss on the forehead. I lay back on the bed and Buffy snuggles up to me. I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer. God this feels so good. I've missed her so damn much. She turns around in my arms and looks over at her bedside table. I look too, it's 12:03 am. Then she turns back to me and kisses me. I kiss her back until we can't breathe anymore. She pulls back, panting and smiling wide. She rests her head on my shoulder and lightly kisses the exposed skin.

"Merry Christmas, baby."


	15. Let's Act Like Teens

Sorry it's taken so long to write this update but things have been crazy around here. I'll get the next one posted as soon as possible.

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**Three Days Later.** FPOV

So Christmas was ok. Willow, Kennedy, Dawn and her man didn't show, but we already had a feeling they wouldn't. Well, we already knew that Dawn and Kyle were going to his parents' cabin out in the woods, but with Willow being heartbroken and Kennedy still feeling bad about it we really didn't think they would be up for some Christmas cheer. Now Xander and his girl came over, and they brought their baby. She's almost a year old. She'll be one on January 29. She's just the cutest little thing ever. She looks more like Katie, which is probably why. I'm just teasing. But it was nice. There weren't a whole lot of presents but that's ok. Things have been so hectic lately that we haven't really had any time to go Christmas shopping. Buffy had boughten us some stuff but it was left in Ohio, which is understandable. We don't know where Willow is. Apparently she told Giles she needed to get away, and she teleported out of his office and no one's seen her since. I really hope she's ok.

I haven't talked to Kennedy much. She and Cordelia are still trying to get things worked out. I suspect that Kennedy is going to move to L.A. to be with the Queen because there's no way she can move up here, Angel needs her, not only as a seer but for emotional support. They're really close, as weird as it is, and I don't think she wants to give up the big city life to move to little Shasta Lake anyway. Buffy's pretty upset about all this. She's pissed but she agrees with me that it's better for them to break it off now or else things could just get worst. She's pissed that it took so long for Kennedy to come clean and even then it took her getting caught to finally confess. I'm a little mad at her about that too but I haven't said anything. I'm her friend, she needs me to lie to her right now. I'll only do it for a while but if she gets too self-involved I'll give her a good reality check.

"Deep thoughts?" Buffy asks and turns in my arms a little so she can see my face. I give her a little 'hmm?' and she smiles. "Well we've been in this bath for almost ten minutes and you still haven't tried to feel me up. So, you're either having really deep thoughts or you're just not in the mood." What is she talking about? I'm always in the mood. Especially when we take baths together. I don't know what it is but there's just something about a naked Buffy lying in my arms, wet and squeaky clean, with her hair up in a sloppy bun that makes me wanna run my hands down her body and work her over while she's lying against me. I don't know why, but I always like doing that.

"I'm just thinking about this crazy year. All the good things, all the bad things...trying to come up with a good resolution." We aren't going to Ohio until after the New Year rings in. Giles has a construction crew building us the apartment. Willow isn't really feeling up to it and he doesn't trust anyone else with that type of magic. He doesn't want the kids to be inside it and then have it collapse or disappear or something. It should be done by the time we're there. It isn't going to be very big. A living room, a tiny kitchen, a bathroom and two bedrooms. It's only temporary, I'm sure they're going to tear it down as soon as we leave, or maybe they'll keep it in case we ever need to go back. I don't know. "There's just so much that happened. Mattie turned six, I had a baby, I died, your mom gave us her blessing for our wedding, and then with everything with Kennedy and Willow and Cordy...well I'm thinkin about sellin the story to Paramount, maybe get enough money for us to buy a bigger house." Crap I don't think I should have said that. "And come January you're going to be thirty-two, what do you think about all of this? Any regrets, how do you like your life so far?" My tone is kind of light and teasing. She is going to be thirty-two, which means I'm going to be thirty. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for that I don't look a damn day over twenty-three.

"It's been great. I mean, not everything has been great, but in general this year was a good one. I've been planning a little more for the wedding. I'm trying to come up with a good menu now so I won't have to argue with the caterer. And it doesn't have to be a church wedding. That's not the only thing me and my mom talked about. There's this really pretty Inn somewhere in southern California that hosts weddings. We could always have it there. Spring time, all of the flowers will be blooming, it'll be outside in the shade under a big tree. The reception will be in the back area by the pond, I know they have a pond I just can't remember the name of the place." She's quiet for a few seconds. I reach up and grab the loofah off of the wall where it hangs from its little hook. I dip it into the warm water and start to slowly wash her breastbone and neck area. "Mm, that feels good." She turns around so her back is leaning against me and she rolls her head back so it's resting on my shoulder. I lean down and kiss her throat. I think she finally remembers that I brought up her age. "And you're turning thirty, don't be giving me any crap about turning thirty-two. You're finally kissing your youth goodbye." I smile at her and slowly work the loofah in between her breasts and down to her stomach.

"Yeah, but I'm not going to make a big deal about it like you did. And don't even try to defend yourself, you so overreacted. I don't think I've ever had sex outside in my entire life as much as I did that night." She laughs a little at that. She had panicked about turning thirty and she wanted to do something that most teenagers do. And she started thinking and decided that when they can't find a better place where they won't get caught, teenagers will go into the woods and have sex. I told her they do it in the car but she insisted that we have it out in nature for all of the forest animals to see and hear. I swear the next morning the two squirrels sitting on the tree stump where talking about us. And guess who had to be on the bottom? Yeah, that's right, me. It took me three hours to get all of the dirt off of my ass because we forgot to bring a blanket and she didn't want to go back to get one. She can be such a pain sometimes but I love her to death. "How are we going to celebrate this year? Addy's on the bottle now, we can have Dawn baby-sit. I'm sure she won't mind." I don't think she's listening to me anymore. Her eyes are closed and she's gripping my thighs a little tighter then before. Probably because I'm now using the loofah to wash her inner thighs. Hmm, now here's an idea.

"Mmmm, don't even think about it." Dammit. How did she know what I was going to do? Sometimes I hate how she knows me so well. But you can't blame me. It would have been hot seeing her getting off to me fucking her with the loofah handle. Oh well, better luck next time. "And if you even think about it next time then it'll be our last bath together." Damn. I can't get away with anything can I? If she would just relax and focus on what I'm doing to her and not think about her stupid ex-boyfriends then I'm sure she'd like it. But nope, we've tried three times with the strap on and she had me stop every time. I don't blame her or anything but it would just be nice to spice things up a little. So I just continue to wash her thighs and she's enjoying it, she's even moaning a little bit. I let my other hand snake it's way down her stomach and I feel her abdomen muscles quiver under my touch. I love it when they do that. I start to massage her inner thigh, I'm so close I feel her short hair brush against my index finger. And you wanna know what happens next? I bet you do. The baby starts crying, and we both groan in frustration.

"Don't worry, I'll get it." She tells me and gets up out of the bathroom. I watch her ass as she gets up and then steps out of the tub. I let my eyes wonder her perfect body as she puts on the cotton bathrobe and leaves the room. Ok, now I'm bored. What to do, what to do? I sigh and take a look around. God, someone really needs to be this bathroom. And by someone I mean anyone but me. Damn, the water's getting cold. How long was she gone and how long have I been zonin out? Well, we're both clean and I guess we won't be getting to the really good part of the bath so I might as well get out. I pull up the plug and set it on the edge of the tub and get out and dry myself off with a towel. I slip on my bathrobe and go into the bedroom to get dressed. I stop at the doorway when I see her sitting in the rocking chair, we moved it from the nursery into our bedroom, that's in the corner of the room, gently rocking back and forth and talking to our little girl as she eats from the bottle. Her snorts and grunts can be heard from here. Buffy says she already eats like me, and I responded to that with a dry laugh.

"I'm sorry I was gone for so long, baby girl. I don't really even know who you are. You've gotten so big and you're a little feistier then I remember." I hear Addy give out a little snort, almost like she's disagreeing with Buffy. Buffy smiles and nods her head. And then she does the thing that I don't like people doin to my kids. Baby talk. "Yes you are. You're just the most argumentative little baby that I've ever seen. Yeah you are." I smile a little at her words and the large smile she has on her face. She still hasn't looked up, she's looking Addy right in the eyes and it's like the rest of the world has just faded away. I know the feeling. I silently step into the room and pick up her digital camera off of the dresser by the door. I turn it on and then turn off the flash. There's enough light coming in through the window. Yeah, we took a bath in the middle of the day, so what? Mattie's over at Dawn's house spending time with them, it's no big deal. Anyway, I point the camera and wait for Buffy to smile again, it doesn't take long and then I snap the photo. I pull the camera away from my face and look down at the screen. The sunlight is streaming in between the curtains and shining on them, illuminating them. It's the perfect picture. I sneak out of the room and put it on the computer and then delete it off of the camera. I don't want Buffy to see it just yet. I save it to my file and then shut off the computer.

I go back into the bedroom and put the camera down. Addy must be asleep because Buffy isn't talking anymore, just rocking back and forth and smiling down at her. I know she's asleep because the bottle has been set aside, and there's no way that baby would let Buffy take the bottle away from her if all the food isn't gone yet. And there's still a couple ounces left. So, Buffy is the thing that calms the beast huh? Ok, I'm not calling our daughter a beast like she's horrible or evil or burdensome, but she can get very, very crabby and now that she's a little older she's starting to fight sleep. I don't know why but she'll cry and cry and cry just to stay awake. She isn't hungry, her diaper is clean, there's nothing wrong with her. She just doesn't want to sleep. And I've tried everything, singing, rocking her, talking to her, patting her stomach, patting her back, everything I could think of, and she'll still cry for about two and a half hours before she finally cries herself out. I really hope she stops doing that and soon because it's keeping Mattie up at night and he's cranky when he doesn't get enough sleep.

She looks up and spots me staring at her. She smiles and then stands up from the chair and nods towards it with her head. My eyebrows scrunch in confusion but I walk over anyway. She whispers for me to sit down so I do. She uses her foot to gently push at the inside of my calf and I get the hint. I spread my legs and she sits down in the chair in between them and leans against me. I wrap my arms around her waist and gently rock back and forth. She loves it when I do this. For some reason she just loves it when I hold her while she's holding one of the kids. Almost like it's a completed chain or something, I don't know. All I know is it makes her happy, and I want to make her happy. I rest my chin on her shoulder and look down at our little baby, cradled in Buffy's arms, and slightly snoring. Yep, she definitely takes after me. I smile like an idiot and give Buffy a little kiss on the side of the neck. I feel her smile grow and she leans down and gives our girl a little kiss on the forehead. She grunts and moves around a little in her sleep and I can't help but smile wider. Growing up I never thought I'd ever be this happy.

BPOV

We're walking through a cemetery together. We talked Dawn into watching the kids so we could do some slaying tonight. We haven't been out slaying in a long time. We're on high alert even though there aren't very many vamps. Sometimes I really miss living on a hellmouth. This is just so boring! We might as well just go home and call it a night and we've only been gone for thirty minutes. There are no vamps out tonight. I hate living in this stupid town sometimes. Ok, most of the time. I miss the action of slaying, the rush that I get when I stake a vampire that actually gave me a good fight. The reason I was so worked up after I killed that demon that was fucking with Faith was because I hadn't had that kind of slayage action in so long that my body wasn't used to it. I hate being bored on patrol. It makes me nervous and antsy.

"Faith." She gives out a little 'hmm?' As she looks around, trying to find something that we both know isn't there. "We're in a rut, Faith." She stops dead in her tracks and looks at me like she's shocked and offended by my words. I have to explain myself some more, just to vent otherwise I'll get really frustrated. "It's just…things have been so dull lately." Her eyes go wide and her mouth hangs open. What is wrong with her? "I mean, last Wednesday I almost fell asleep." She starts thinking back to last Wednesday and she shakes her head a little bit. "I mean, do you feel it too? Don't you think that things have gotten really, really boring?" Again with the offended look. What is wrong with her? She looks behind me and I whip around, thinking that maybe there's a vamp back there but it's just a headstone. I look back at her when I hear something clinging together. She's unbuckling her belt. "Faith, what are you doing?" She looks up at me, struggling with the buckle because she's rushing herself.

"If you think things are boring B then I'll give you a rush. Come on, fucking in a graveyard? That's exciting, right? I mean, you never know if a vampire could sneak up behind us and try to kill us while I'm going down on you." What the fuck is she talking about? Oh God, she thinks I meant that we're in a sexual rut. No! That isn't what I was talking about at all.

"Faith, stop. I wasn't talking about our sex life. That's great. I mean, sure we don't as much as we used to but we have kids now. But I'm satisfied with it. Trust me, you keep me very happy in that department." She gives me this 'oh, then what were you talking about?' sort of look and buckles her belt back up and picks up the stake that she dropped. "I was talking about the slaying. I mean, we come out here a lot and there are never any decent vampires. They're also so easy to fight and the fights never last more then a minute or two and then they go poof, but in a very boring way. Don't you wish we could run into a small group of them like we did when you convinced me to jump down that manhole with you?" She rolls her eyes at that. She still feels really bad for almost getting me killed that night, even though I've forgiven her a million or so times. But she sighs and agrees with me.

"I guess we'll just have to wait until we get to Ohio. We can tell the juniors to stay indoors for a couple of nights and we'll patrol the streets. I think that would make things a little interesting." Oh fuck! I just realized something. Faith is going back to Ohio with me. That's a good thing, a really good thing. But I never told her what Holly did. I mean, I could have stopped it sooner and it was only a little groping and grinding, but still! She's going to be so pissed. She's probably going to beat Holly to a bloody pulp. I'm not worried about Vanessa because nothing happened between us. I passed out on the living room couch so it's not like we were in the same bed naked together, even if all we were doing was sleeping. Fuck, this is bad. I guess she can see the panic on my face because now she's concerned. "What? Why do you have that look on your face like you just saw someone shoot your puppy?" I give her a weird look. That was a strange analogy. Oh well. I sit down on a headstone and she sits down next to me. She questions me again and I sigh. I feel her tense up, great she's starting to panic. She must think that something really bad happened.

"Ok, I need you to stay really calm and not get mad." She tenses up even more. I realize now I probably should have worded that a little better. "The night you got into your accident, you know that I went out right? I mean, I told you that I was going out with some of the girls?" She nods her head yes and tenses up even more. She knows that Sissy was part of the group and I know that she's worried something happened between us. "Ok, Sissy has nothing to do with this, so please calm down." She exhales the breath she was holding and I can see her muscles relax. "But there was this other girl and I guess she thought she had a chance with me because she asked me to dance with her. I was going to say no but she said that it was going to be a casual dance between friends, and it was at first. But then she started grinding against me, and then she grabbed onto my hips and started sucking on my neck. I would have pulled her back sooner, but I was in shock or something." She starts to laugh and I really want to know what's so damn funny.

"Good to know I'm not the only fuck-up." That was harsh, and so not true. She's not a fuck-up, and I'd really wish she'd stop bringing herself down all the time. Then she gets serious and I know she's about to get really jealous. "So, what's this bitch's name? 'Cause when we get to Ohio I think I might pay her a little visit." I roll my eyes. I told her because I wanted to be honest, not because I wanted her to beat Holly up. I stand up and pull on the hem of her jacket and she gets up and follows me. Maybe if we keep wondering around then we'll find some action eventually. "What's her name Buffy?" She sounds stern, and a little pissed.

"It doesn't matter. It happened and she knows not to do it again. She's not a problem Faith. I just wanted to be honest with you. I didn't want you to find out from someone else and think that I was trying to hide it from you. I know that it wasn't your fault because of the thrall and everything, but if that demon had just been a regular guy and you still kissed and teased him I'd be able to forgive you and drop it. Can't you do the same for me?" I hate throwing it in her face like that but it's the only way I'm going to get her to drop it. She sighs but doesn't say anything. "Let's just go home. There's nothing here." I start to walk off in the direction of the car but she grabs onto my hand and whips me around and presses me up against her. She kisses me and I reciprocate and slow her down a little bit. She pulls back and looks into my eyes.

"The night's still young, B. Let's go out, have some fun." I nod and follow her as she leads me out of the graveyard and to the nightclub embarrassingly named Sharp. But it's a good club and it gets a lot of people. It only takes about fifteen minutes to get there, and we did run into a couple of vampires on the way but they were easy like all of the others in this stupid town. Sometimes I really hate it here. We walk in the doors and down the stairs. Once we get to the bottom we walk passed the bar and find a table. We put down our coats and walk over to the bar. She orders us some water but I feel like getting a little drunk tonight. Not a lot, but just a little bit. I order us each a beer and she gives me this weird look. I ignore it and the bartender rushes off to get our drinks. I sigh and take a look around. It's a young crowd tonight. Mostly college kids, which is cool I guess. We get our drinks and go over to our table. I down the water first just to get it out of the way and then I chug the bottle of alcohol. Again Faith looks at me weird as she sips at hers. I don't really know what's wrong with me tonight. Maybe it's the slaying, or the lack of slaying would probably be more appropriate. It's really starting to get to me. I thought I'd be able to live without it, but it's in my blood, it's what I was made for. And now I'm not getting any good slaying I'm getting bored and it sucks.

She finishes her beer and then drags me out to the dance floor. We grind against each other and quickly form a crowd around us, mostly boys, and a of couple girls. Faith gives me this smile, this small mischievous smile and then looks around at some of the people surrounding us. What is she up to now? She pulls me closer to her. I can feel her hot breath against my skin, and then she leans in and plants a big kiss on my lips. She's doing this for show I can tell because she doesn't try to deepen the kiss until she hears the hoots and hollers from the boys surrounding us. I'll admit that we used to do stuff like this all the time. We wanted to show the boys what they would be missing out on. It was fun teasing them, but we haven't done that for a long time. I thought we were over that. But I guess not. I pull back and give her this weird look. We get a few boos from most of the guys. She just smiles and keeps dancing with me.

As she's grinding her hips against mine I can feel all of the pent up frustration start to leak forward. And I mean all of it. Being gone for a month, coming home under very crappy circumstances, not having all of my family over for Christmas, and the frustrations of having kids. I love them to death and I don't regret having them, but sometimes I just wish we could have some time to ourselves. And I'm not talking about being home alone so we can have sex. I mean, being home alone to just sit on the couch and relax. To curl up in her arms and not have to get up, and we can just fall asleep like that. And yeah I'll admit that I do miss not having to hold back during sex. It's really hard to enjoy when you have a little baby sleeping three or four feet away and you have to be super quiet. I miss Faith's dirty talk. I think the only thing better then Faith's dirty talk is…Bingo! I just got the best idea ever. I pull away from her a little and look around the room. Ah, the perfect place. No one will see us.

I grab Faith by the hand and drag her off of the dance floor, much to the boys' disappointment. But I don't care about those boys. At the moment I only care about fulfilling this need inside of me. I walk slowly though, casually. No need to attract unwanted attention. The last thing I need is to be interrupted. I walk towards the couches that they have lined up along the wall. I lead her over to this pillar in the corner of the room. It's really dark back there and if we stand on the backside of the pillar no one will be able to see us. It's perfect. She seems to catch on to what I want to do because she hands are on my hips, pushing me forward, making me walk a little faster. I love it when she's impatient. Yep, the only thing better then Faith's dirty talk is sex in public, I love it. It' such a thrill. We've probably screwed around in every shop in this town. We haven't done it in a long time because of the pregnancy and then I had to go away, but I guess this will be making up for lost time.

I'm wearing a skirt, which is going to make this so much easier. I lean up against the pillar and pull my skirt up. She grabs onto my hips and lifts me up a little. I wrap my legs around her and hold on tightly. She kisses me deeply, and as our tongues swirl together I feel her fingers push my panties to the side and her two middle fingers slide inside of me. I moan into her mouth and she starts pumping hard and fast. I am very well aware of my age, but sometimes you just need a good fuck in public to keep things interesting, and work out some frustrations. She moves her fingers around, strumming them like you would a guitar and my hips go crazy. I love it when she does that. It's a little hard for me to move around but I have a good hold on her, and she's keeping me up with her other arm. She continues to kiss me to drown out my moans just in case somewhere can hear us. It's doubted because the music is really loud. She firmly rubs over my G-spot and I gasp out at the pleasure that runs through me. She keeps stroking firmly over that spot and then circles my clit with her thumb. Then she simultaneously presses hard on my clit and on my G-spot and I clamp onto her shoulder to stop myself from screaming out in pleasure.

When I open my eyes again she's softly kissing my neck and her fingers are still inside of me. I shift my legs and she knows that I want down. She pulls her fingers out of me and eases me down to the ground. I readjust my underwear as she wipes her hand off on her pants. I smile devilishly at her and take her by the hand. I drag her over to the table and grab our coats and we leave. I know she needs to get off and soon or else she's going to be cranky. She gets really worked up when we do stuff like this. I wrap my arm around her lower back and suck on her neck as we walk in the parking lot. Then I pull away and look around. It's deserted out here, everyone's inside. But we can't do this out in plain sight, we like the chance of being caught, not actually being caught. Ah, another perfect spot. I pull her over to the alley and she's looking at me like I'm crazy. It is pretty dirty down here. But that only adds to the experience. I give her an innocent smile and then press her up against the gross wall and kiss her hard. When we end the kiss we're both panting. I start to suck on her neck again and she starts grinding her hips against me. Ok, now it's time. She won't be able to say no because she's too worked up. But I doubt that she would say no anyway.

"Faith, I wanna act like a couple of teenagers. Is that ok with you?" I smile oh so sweetly. She knows exactly what I want to do. We've done this before and I said the exact same thing last time. She nods her head yes and then pulls me in for another kiss. I pull back and place little kisses down her jaw line, and then suck on her earlobe. She gives out this little squeak, she loves it when I suck on her ears. I work my way down her throat and stop. I suck on her hot skin, and gently scrape my teeth across it. She shivers a little and her hips are pumping faster now. I kiss my way down her body over her clothing. I place a kiss on her throat, then her breastbone, in between her breasts, then on her stomach and on her abdomen right above the waistline of her pants. I fall to my knees and unbuckle her belt. I pull down her pants until they're around her ankles. Oh God, she's not wearing any underwear. I gasp out in mock-horror. "Faith, you dirty tramp, you." She smiles down at me and runs her fingers through my hair.

"Look who's talking. I'm not the one on my knees, now am I?" She does have a point. She spreads her legs as far apart as she can. I look at her glistening sex and lick my lips. I look up at her and look into her eyes. She gives me this sexy smile, I love it when she smiles at me like that. "Well, what are you waiting for? Suck me." I roll my eyes. Just because I want to act like teenagers doesn't mean I want her to treat me like a trashy teen. But I keep quiet and do as I'm told. Sometimes I like being bossed around a little. I use my tongue to separate her swollen lips. She hisses in a breath and puts her hands on the wall to try and keep herself steady. I hold onto her hips to help a little. I slurp up the juices flowing out of her. I make sure to be really loud because I know she loves the noise. But the juice just keeps on comin and I know the only way I'm going to get this over with soon is by cutting this step a little short. I run the tip of my tongue up her slit and tickle her clit with it. She wiggles around and starts to moan pretty loudly. "That's it baby, right there. Come on, B, suck me." So I wrap my lips around her swollen, pulsating clit and I suck really hard. Her hips start pumping hard and she slips down a little. I get a better grip on her with my hands and hold her up.

I continue to suck on her quivering clit and I am feeling like a teenage girl right now, giving head to her girlfriend in some back alley after a date. Well, I've never heard of any girls that do that with other girls, but I know that teenage girls do it with their boyfriends. I can tell that Faith is really close. I just need to do one little thing and she'll fall over the edge. I gently and when I say gently I mean really, super gently so I don't hurt her, scrape the teeth of my bottom jaw up her slit and then nibble on her clit. I look up at her through my eyelashes and she's biting her arm to keep from screaming. Her hips are going crazy and her nectar is gushing out of her. I gather up as much as I can with my mouth and swallow it down. This stuff tastes so good, I could live off of it for the rest of my life. I close my eyes and focus on the sweet yet musky taste as I lick it off of her thighs. I hear her let out a little laugh and I look up at her through my lashes again and continue to lick to her thighs like a cat with a dish of cream.

"Gotta love a girl that swallows," she says and laughs a little more as she watches me. I smile and chuckle a little. Now that's she's all cleaned up down here I leave one last chaste, ok well I guess it can't really be considered chaste because it is on her pussy. Anyway, I leave a little peck on her swollen nether lips and then help her pull up her pants. She buttons and zips them up and then clasps the buckle. "So, B, your knees are lookin a little roughed up. You feel like a teenager again?" Ok, there are so many ways I could be offended by that sentence. I could think that she's trying to suggest that I used to do this with Angel, but she's wrong. I never gave Angel head when I was a teenager, or when I was in my twenties. I did with Riley once but I just couldn't force myself to do it again. And he was such a gentlemen and he would never try to convince a girl to do something she doesn't want to do. But since Faith means well I'll play along because I did start this after all.

"Yep. I feel like a sixteen year old girl who snuck out to see her girlfriend while her parents are sleeping." Then I bring in the way over dramatic acting. "Oh, please walk me home. My window's too high for me to climb inside of it by myself. I need you to lift me up. But you have to be super quiet because if my dad wakes up we're both dead." We start cracking up laughing and I lean against her and then give her neck a couple of quick kisses. "Ok, seriously, we need to get back. We have to pick up the car and I'm sure Dawn's getting impatient." She nods her head in agreement and we walk the fifteen-minute walk back to her car. But she doesn't drive us home.

Instead she drives us to the lake and parks in the parking lot by the little information station that closes at like six at night. The sky is perfectly clear, which is pretty rare for December. The moonlight is reflecting off of the water and it looks so beautiful. She shuts off the engine but keeps the battery on and turns on the radio. She flips through the stations until she finds the one she's looking for. She can be so cheesily romantic when she wants to be and I love it. The song ends and another one comes on. She turns the volume up a little and then looks over at me. I smile really wide at her. I haven't heard this song in forever. She knows I love it, and it's so appropriate for the mood. If I were a teenager lookin to score I'd put on this song. I'm sure the girls just love it. Ok, I need to stop thinking like that before I kill the mood.

Baby you don't know, what you do to me. Between me and you, I feel a chemistry. Won't let no one come and take your place. Cause the love you give can't be replaced. See no one else love me like you do. That's why I don't mind to spend my life with you. Wanna please you in anyway I can. Wanna share my world don't you understand.

She starts lipping along with the song and my eyes water up a little bit, but with joy. I love her so much. I really hope she knows how much I love her. I never thought I'd ever find someone that I would love as much as I love her. I also thought that I'd end up like my mom. I thought that I'd meet someone great, someone I'd be in love with. We'd get married, have some kids but I always thought that it would end. I never thought I'd be in a relationship that's lasted as long as this. I never thought that after eight years of being together I'd still be madly in love with the person I'm seeing. And the fact that she's a woman doesn't have to do with any of it. I love Faith for who she is, not what she is. There are some people that just don't understand that. And it makes me kind of sad that there are people out there who hate us because we love each other.

Your love is a one in a million it goes on and on and on. You give me a really good feelin all day long. Your love is a one in a million it goes on and on and on. You give me a really good feelin all day long.

I stop paying attention to the rest of the song. All I can focus on is Faith as her lisp move along with the voice of the singer. She doesn't like to sing out loud because she doesn't think she has a good singing voice. She's pretty good actually. Better then your average person, but it's not like she's so good that she could get a record deal or something. But to me it's perfect. Because she will sing for me when I really want her to and it's usually something romantic like this so it's special. The song ends and she turns down the volume as the DJ's voice sounds out through the speakers. I lean close to her and she meets me halfway and we kiss deeply. I love her so much, sometimes I don't think what I'm feeling is real because it just seems like it's too much. But I know deep down that it's real, that I'll always love her and there's nothing she could do to make me stop. We pull back from the kiss and we're both smiling. And it's in this moment, with the moon and starlight radiating from the sky, the slow romantic music playing in the background, Faith looking at me with so much love and devotion, it's right now that I realize I don't want to wait. I don't want to put off the wedding. I want to merry her sooner then we originally planned. I just hope she's open to the idea.

FPOV

I wake up and stretch my arms high above my head and feel my backbones pop back into place with a satisfying crackling sound. I yawn widely and I smile when I feel Buffy move around next to me. I open my eyes and look over at her in the few small rays of morning sunlight that's managed to slip in through the curtains. She's lying on her stomach with one arm under the pillow, the other hanging off the bed. One of her calves is pressed up against me, while her other leg is bent at the knee and at a perfect right angle. Her hair is really messy, and it's going to take her at least an hour to brush it all out. There are a couple scratch marks on her back that haven't healed yet. I got a little wrapped up in the moment last night and couldn't help myself. The blankets are resting at her waist, leaving her upper body exposed. I reach over and gently stroke her back as she sleeps. I smile to myself as I think of last night.

After I drove to the lake, which was a pretty good idea since she really wanted to get into that 'teenage vibe' and I know that whenever my guy friends from back in Boston wanted to score they'd take their dates to the Harbor and look at the lights of the city. But since this town doesn't have a harbor I figured Lake Shasta is second best. And the sky was perfect and the moon was really big and bright and it made everything so romantic but in a total cheese-ball sort of way. At least it was cheesy in the beginning, but after that song came on and I lipped it to her, she really got into it. We made out for a while, did some light over the clothing groping, but nothing too serious, nothing like back at the club or in the alley. When we parted for air I ran my thumb along her kiss swollen bottom lip and she looked into my eyes and told me that she didn't want the night to end. I smiled and told her that it didn't have to. She looked a little confused and was about to question me but I kissed it away.

After a few more minutes of just kissing and loving it we pulled away and I started the car. I had her close her eyes and I drove us to this really nice hotel. No it's not the one that Kennedy was staying at when she and Willow split after the 'Barbie incident'. I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to that one and not think of that. Anyway, I rented us a room and paid in cash. I knew that Dawn was going to worry and because Willow taught her how to hack she'd be able to go online and get my credit card number and I really didn't want her tracking us down. Buffy said she wanted to feel like a teenager, and teenagers do this. They rent hotel rooms and stay in them without their parents knowing about it. But at that point it was so much more then that. It was so much more then feeling like a lovesick teen hiding away for a night with her lover. It was about us, getting away from all the stresses of life and being together for one perfect night and not have to worry about waking the kids if we get too loud.

We took things wicked slow. I think it took us a good hour and a half maybe even two hours just to get all of our clothes off. When we were in nothing more then our bras and underwear, well she was in underwear but the best way to avoid panty lines in leather pants is to not wear panties at all. Anyway, when she was in nothing more then her bra and underwear I laid her down on the bed and started to lightly kiss her. I kissed almost every inch of her body, from her forehead down to the bottoms of her feet. Then I rolled her over and gave her a slow yet firm backrub. I started to kiss the back of her neck and I slowly worked my way down until I was again kissing her feet. She loved every second of it. She was moaning and hissing in her breaths in between panting. I was worshipping her and she knew it. I made damn sure that she was well aware of it. I had her shaking with desire she wanted me so bad. I finally gave in, the massage and full body kissing took a little over three hours. She was about ready to pop. So I took off my bra and she rolled over onto her back. I laid mostly on top of her, resting most of my weight on my elbows and knees. We kissed deeply and while we were kissing I reached down and spread her lips apart. I did the same for me and then lowered my body down on top of hers so we were in our favorite position: clit to clit. I don't know what it is about this position that we both love so much. Maybe because it's so intimate, I don't know.

We took our time, and went really slow. I had her withering and moaning and practically begging me for release before we came together. We held each other for a few minutes after and then she slowly turned over so we switched positions and she did a little body licking of her own. Bet you can't guess which part of my body she focused on. Ok, well you probably already did. She twirled her tongue up inside my pussy in ways I didn't even know existed, and this is me we're talking about. Buffy is not the first girl I've ever been with and I have a very talented tongue. Not as good as hers though. I think she was making it up as she went along because now we had time to experiment with it. We didn't have to rush and we didn't have to be quiet, which was great because she did this weird thing with her tongue, I can't even describe it, and I was screamin, and squeakin for almost an hour before she finally let me come. Yes, I squeak like a girl, so what? I hate it when it happens but I can't control it.

Anyway, after she finished lapping up all my juices she crawled back up my body, leaving the occasional kiss here and there. I know that she purposely kissed my bellybutton, and I know she did it on purpose because she looked up at me afterwards with this cautious look on her face like she was afraid I was going to freak out or something. But I didn't. I didn't feel weird about her kissing me there. No thoughts of him were brought on because of it. And she smiled really wide and leaned down and kissed it again. I giggled like a little girl but it didn't break the mood like I thought it would. She held me for a few minutes and then I rolled her over onto her back and worshipped her again. And we did that, taking turns worshipping each other showing each other with our bodies how deep our love runs, until our bodies just couldn't take it anymore. And now I'm lightly stroking her back and listening to her deep rhythmic breathing as she lightly snores.

I sigh and look over at the clock on the nightstand on Buffy's side of the bed. Six thirty am, good thing it's a Saturday or else we'd be in big trouble. We didn't plan on staying out all night obviously and Dawn works on Fridays but has Saturday and Sunday off so she won't be too pissed off at us. I look over at the nightstand on my side of the bed and pick up the phone. I dial out and then punch in the numbers to Dawn's cell phone. I know it's turned off and she wouldn't answer it even if it were on. Nothing can wake that kid up before seven in the morning, at least nothing I know about. I leave a message on the voicemail saying that we're fine, we just didn't keep track of time on patrol and didn't want to wake any of them up so we stayed at a hotel last night. I know that her cell is the first thing she checks when she wakes up in case she's missed any important calls. I hang up the phone and look next to it. I smile. Score, the menu for the room service. I pick it up and flip through it a little. They gave a good selection, we should come here for often just for the food. Aw, but is it any good? Only one way to find out. I pick up the phone and dial the number.

"Hi, I'd like some room service delivered to room two-twenty-five please. Ok, I'd like five blueberry waffles with maple syrup, five buttermilk pancakes with original syrup and whip cream. Two glasses of orange juice, two glasses of milk, and two mugs of coffee one with cream and two teaspoons of sugar, the other black. Oh, and could you throw in a small bowl of whole strawberries? Ok, great. Thank you." I hang up the phone and set the menu down on the table. I look over at the blonde beauty lying next to me and grin widely to myself. How on earth did I get this lucky? I slowly scoot over and carefully position her body so we're spooning. She likes waking up like this. It's rare but she loves it. I give her neck a little kiss and smile again when she giggles. The little fox is awake. I should have known, she usually protests when you try to move her when she's sleeping, it's cute. "How long have you been awake?" I run my fingers the best I can through her matted hair.

"Long enough to know you're going to have to order more coffee and food." I smile and give the side of her neck another kiss. We're both quiet for a minute or two, but she's tense. She's thinking about something and she's tying to figure out how to word it. I know her good enough to know that. "Faith." She's hesitant which means I'm right. "I don't want to wait." What? The people in the kitchen can only work so fast, if that's what she's talking about, but I have a feeling she's not. "To get married, I don't want to wait anymore. Last night was amazing, and you're so amazing and I'd be insane to wait too much longer." She rolls over in my arms so she can look into my eyes. She looks so hopeful and so scared at the same time. "I want to get married in the spring, this spring, when everything is blooming and coming back to life. The wedding doesn't have to be at a church or a fancy Inn. We could have it in a park or at a really nice garden somewhere. And then I want to go away for a week to Hawaii for our honeymoon. I want all that Faith, and I don't want to wait two years for it." Um, ok. But I thought she had all of it planned out? What happened to all of that? I mean, I'll willingly go along with whatever she wants, as long as it's what she wants. I don't want her to rush this. It's her special day. I don't want it to be cheapened in any way.

"I'm not protesting this, so please don't take it that way. But what about all the plans you made? You wanted Addy to be a flower girl, if we get married this Spring when everything is just blooming she'll only be like...four maybe five months old. She won't be old enough to walk down an isle with a basket of flowers. And the way you talked about this before you wanted both of the kids to be involved in the wedding. And I know that this is about us, mainly you, but with everything going on with Red and Kennedy I don't think they'll be able to be in the same place at the same time. It would probably be like torture for Willow. Don't you think we should wait a little while? At least until Addy is old enough to walk and that way both her and Miranda can be flower girls and Miranda can lead her down the isle so she doesn't wonder off?" Xander's kid, Miranda, one of the cutest little girls ever, she's already walkin. Buffy sighs and I reach over and rub my hand up and down her side. She shivers and goosebumps so show up on her usually smooth skin. I pull the covers up so that only our heads can be seen.

"I did want that because I wanted them to feel included, but she doesn't have to be in the wedding. I mean, she isn't even going to remember it. And Matthew can still be the ring bearer, and someone can hold Addison. I'm sure she won't be a problem or anything. And I'm sure we can convince someone to bring them back here to watch them. I mean, we're going to have alcohol at the reception, and I don't want the kids around that. And I'm sure Kennedy will watch the kids for us while we're gone. Baby, I want to marry you, and I don't want to wait too much longer. I want it in May because that's when the roses bloom, and we can have it at a really nice garden in Southern California. I know a really neat place that hosts weddings. It'll be perfect. And me and Dawn will take care of everything, you don't have to worry about anything at all, ok?" She really does want this, I can tell by that desperate sound in her voice. If this is really what she wants then who am I to deny her? I sigh and wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me.

"If this is really what you want then I'll be more then happy to help you have it." I feel her smile against my neck and she leaves little butterfly kisses all over my skin. I pull away and then lean down and give her a big kiss on the mouth. It's hot and searing but at the same time a little gross because we haven't brushed our teeth yet. We break apart and she's frowning a little bit. She doesn't like it when I kiss her when she has morning breath. After all these years together she's still self-conscious about her breath. I think it's kind of sweet. She's only self-conscious about it because she's afraid of what I'm going to think, so in Buffy's weird way that's her showing me that she cares. I lean in to kiss her but she pulls away. Sometimes she can be a big baby. "Alright, no more kissing until we brush our teeth. Or at least rinse our mouths out." There's a knock at the door and then some guy yells out 'room service'. "That's breakfast, I'll be right back." I sneak a kiss on the lips and pull away and jump out of the bed before she can smack me. I laugh a little and throw on one of the robes lying in the chair that's against the wall. I answer the door and thank the guy as he wheels the food into the room on the little cart. I would tip him but I don't have any cash on me. He looks at me and then at Buffy who's still lying naked in the bed. She covered up but you can tell by the way she's clutching onto the blankets as she sits up that she's nude.

"You two must've had some fun last night." He says and takes the lid off of the tray that has our plates of food on it. I go to say something a little rude to let him know not to fuck with us but he interrupts me. "I also brought up some chocolate fondue to go with the strawberries, compliments of the chef. Enjoy your meal and please call if you need anything else." And then he leaves the room before I can say anything. Mmm, this food smells really good. I pick up the tray and take it over to the bed. Luckily it has these little stands and we won't have to balance it ourselves. I rest it between me and B and she picks up her fork and starts eating. I watch her for a few seconds as she chews the food and then makes her yummy face. I love that face, it's so cute. So I start to eat my waffles and these are pretty damn good. We'll have to come back here sometime and spend the night again.

"Good breakfast?" I ask and she nods her head and smiles. I reach over to the little bowl of strawberries and pick one up and dip it in the little bowl of chocolate. I hold it out for her to take and she licks a little bit of the chocolate off the tip of the strawberry before capturing it between her lips and taking a small bite. She locks eyes with me and chews the red berry in her mouth and moans and makes her yummy face, and she moans a little more. She knows I go crazy when she eats like that. She's doing it on purpose to get me all hot and bothered. And it's working. I offer her the rest of the berry without dipping it back in the chocolate first. I laugh a little when she pouts. "Aw, aw, aw B, no double dunks. Wouldn't want to get your germs in the chocolate." She pouts a little and then smiles this evil smile. What is she up to? She brings her index finger up to her moan and sucks on the tip. She closes her eyes and moans a little, that does look pretty fuckin hot. Then she opens her eyes and takes her finger out of her mouth and before I can react her finger is in the bowl of chocolate, her spit and all. She smiles at me innocently and bats her eyelashes.

"There, now it doesn't matter, does it?" I sigh and don't say anything. She can be a brat sometimes, but I love her. I know that if I say something it'll just start a fight. She pulls her finger out of the chocolate and holds it up by my lips. I smile and look into her eyes as I wrap my lips around the digit and softly suck the fondue off of it. I'm just forming the plan of how to convince Buffy to let me lay her down and pour the fondue over her and let me lick it all off when her stupid cell phone rings. Why do we have to be so responsible all the time? I thought we were acting like teenagers? Teenagers never leave their cell phones on when they're going out for a night of fun and doing things they don't want their parents to know about. She gets up off the bed and digs through the pile of clothes and then answers her cell when she finds it. "Hello?" She's quiet as whoever is on the other end talks. She blushes a little bit. I wonder who it is. "No, we're fine. We just stayed out kinda late and we didn't want to wake anyone up going home." She blushes even more and I smile. She's so damn cute when she blushes.

"Well, yeah. So, were you calling for a reason?" She lets out this sigh of frustration and I tense up a little bit. Is the world ending again? I hope not. "Well, it's great that they finished early but we're not leaving until after New Year's, Giles, we already talked about this." She lets out another sigh and then pulls the phone away from her face and looks over at me and in a very bored sounding voice she says, "Faith, the workers finished building the apartment early, they even set up an area for Tucker to stay in, and Giles wants us to leave tomorrow. Apparently Lily is starting to act up again and we should really get there soon before something bad happens." I sigh and run my hand through my hair. I really need a shower. I'm sticky all over.

"You go ahead. I want to wait until winter break gets over with so I can pull Mattie out of school. Red isn't doin so good and I don't trust her magic right now. It'd be better just to put him in a school close to the facility." She nods her head in agreement but I know she isn't going to go back by herself. She's already told Giles that we'd be showing up together, dog and all, and if he wants Buffy's help then he'll agree to the terms. I start eating my breakfast again and only half pay attention to the conversation. I guess he's trying to convince her to just go alone, but she's not going to. Once she's made up her mind there's no changing it. That was a hard lesson to learn. Our first fight, as a couple, was a pretty bad one and over something stupid like most fights are. We were still living in the apartment. Mattie was only two months old and Buffy wanted to repaint the nursery. I told her we should just leave it because we were looking for a house so why bother? But we kept fighting and I ended up sleeping on the couch for three nights until we made up.

"Giles, Matthew goes back to school on the ninth of January and we're going to pull him out of school and get him set up somewhere in Ohio." There's a little pause and she sighs again. "Yes Giles, we think that's the best thing to do. We don't know how long we're going to stay there. It could be months, and the only way to send him to school out here would be Willow teleporting and she's going through a lot right now and she needs to be left alone. The last thing we need right now is some big backfire from her magic." She does have a point. "I want some extra time to pack. So we won't leave until the fourteenth. I'm sorry Giles, but we're not leaving until everything here is taken care of. No I'm not going there by myself. I didn't want to go in the first place and after Faith's accident there's no way in hell I'm leaving them again." Her voice is starting to rise. Giles better get off the phone and quick or else she's going to be in a bad mood all damn day. "Ok. I'll see you in January. Bye." And she hangs up the phone. She drops in on the floor and crawls under the covers and starts to eat her breakfast again. She's tense and I know she's going to be crabby for a while. I never really know how to handle this type of situation. Sometimes I'll get affectionate and she'll say that I'm suffocating her. Sometimes I stay away and she's says that I'm avoiding her. So I guess the best thing to do would be to play it by ear.

"So, January fourteenth huh?" She looks over at me with this weird look. "It's just strange, us going there for so long. Almost like we're moving there or something. I just hope we're only there for a couple of weeks. I don't want Mattie to get attached to anyone just to have to come back home. Those girls are going to love him. I can't wait to see him flirt with all those girls." She nods her head and smiles at the thought of it. He's going to have such a good time. And I'm sure we can con the kids off on someone else so she can take me to that club she went to with those girls. I can't to find out which one was gropin her. Giles said it himself, we're like celebrities at that place, and news of a scandal that like would get around pretty fast. So I'm sure if I ask around someone will tell me who the bitch is. I'm not going to hit her or anything, just threaten her to stay the fuck away from B.

We finish our breakfast and I set the tray on the ground next to the bed. I sigh and lie down on my back, Buffy does the same. I look over at her, her eyebrows are knit together tightly and her eyes are slowly scanning the ceiling. She's really deep in thought, but she also looks lost. She has the same expression on her face now that she had during the big battle. I hate that look because I feel like I need to make it go away, but I never know how. She's overburdened by all of this, I know that better then anyone. She feels trapped, and she doesn't know what to do. She knows that she needs to go to Ohio but at the same time all she wants to do is stay here and be normal. But she can't do that, too many people are depending on her, just like the old days. I think that feeling is starting to bring up some bad memories or something.

"You wanna talk about it?" She stays quiet and I'm a little annoyed now. I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. I don't like being ignored. "Come on Buffy, somethin is bothering you, so why won't you tell me?" She's quiet, but she sighs. At least she's acknowledging that I'm talkin to her. I roll over onto my side and prop my head up with my hand, my elbow is digging into the sheets. I use my other hand to lightly stroke the soft skin of her stomach. She needs to some time to think, and she isn't going to tell me about it anytime soon, I know that. So, the least I can do is help take her mind off of it until she's ready to talk. Isn't that just being a good fiancé? I lean forward and leave little butterfly kisses on her stomach. I can feel the muscles quiver as my lips softly touches the skin beneath them. I hear her giggle, and I look up at her. I rest my head on her stomach so that the side of my face is pressed gently against it. I can hear her body digesting her breakfast. There are all sorts of rumbling noises. "You wanna act like teens again? Play hooky a little longer? Brat'll be pissed but so what?" I start to gently kiss her stomach again and she giggles a little more. She runs her fingers through my long hair and I close my eyes. She gives a little tug and I moan against her skin, causing her to giggle loudly and goosebumps to appear. I love it when she does that.

"Faith." I look up at her and smile when I see the desire in her eyes. But there's also a little bit of mischief. What is she up to? "Go down on me." Huh? I know what she's talkin about, I'm not stupid, but she's never said it before. Well, a couple of times when I was really teasin and she was gettin frustrated, but she doesn't like to talk dirty, she's way too modest for that. "Don't look so surprised. Come on Faith, fuck me with that dirty mouth of yours." I smile one of those little half smiles that she thinks only she's perfected. I kiss her stomach again and lightly blow some warm air onto it. She giggles and runs her fingers through my hair some more. I work my way down her body slowly, leaving little butterfly kisses. The muscles of her abdomen quiver under my touch and I smile. I love it when that happens. I rearrange myself so that I'm lying in between her legs. I wish I could stay here forever. I take one lick of the sticky liquid spilling out of her and her cell phone rings. How frustrating is that?

"Just ignore it, B, we're acting like teens remember?" But Buffy can't do that. It could be Dawn calling to say something horrible happened to one of the kids and we need to get home right away. Ok, I think I just freaked myself out. She gives me a sympathetic look and I smile at her. I lightly smack the top of her thigh as I sit up. She hates it when I do that. "It's ok. We were teens for a night, I guess the party's over. I need a shower." I get up off the bed as she slides off it and grabs her cell phone. I tune everything out around me as I step into the shower and turn on the water. The hotter the better is my philosophy. Buffy gets pissed about it though because there are times when I'll walk out of the shower with burn marks on me. But I barely feel it and they heal in a couple of hours. And they never scar, which I'm grateful for. The only scars I have are ones I got before I became a slayer and from the knife Buffy put in my belly. But it's all good. I actually like the scar she gave me. I can't explain it, but when I look at it, or touch it, it doesn't remind me of the bad times like it should. I can't explain it, so I'll stop trying.

BPOV

"Matthew we cannot take all of your toys with us. You can take all of your army men." God knows he has at least a thousand. "And you can bring Poppers." It's a teddy bear I bought him when he was a baby. "And your Tonka trucks, but that's all. We can buy you some more toys when we get to Ohio, but we can't take your entire toy chest on the plane with us." We can't. That thing weighs so much I had some trouble moving it when we rearranged his room. We already have most of his clothes packed. We're only taking the winter wear since it's still snowing in Ohio. Matthew isn't used to that kind of cold. We're not taking any chances with the baby getting sick since she's only two months old. We bought some really warm clothing and I talked to Giles about the heating system and he knows that under no circumstances will the temperature in the little house thing be below sixty-five. If my baby gets sick because of this trip heads will roll, and Giles knows that. He knows how protective Faith and I are of our children and I'm sure he's already warned the entire school including the staff that they need to be careful around our kids, because we will not hesitate to attack physically if someone does something that looks threatening. So I think it's safe to say we should be considered dangerous.

"Ok, Mommy." He hasn't been fighting us on anything lately. He's upset that he's going to be leaving his school. He's made a lot of friends there, and not just in his class. He has a couple of friends in first grade. He's proving to be quite the social butterfly. I just hope he doesn't turn into the kid that has a massive party at his house when his parents go out of town. It's good that he's making friends, it really is, but just not too many. And yes there is such a thing has too many friends. "Mommy, is Tucker going with us?" He's asked me this question at least a thousand times. He's worried that we're going to leave the dog here. We're not, and I've told him this. But he worries and I don't think he'll stop worrying until we've landed in Cleveland and he sees that Tucker is with us and is ok. We're taking Giles' private jet, but since Tucker is a big dog he has to be in one of those plastic dog crates and put in a back room of the plane for safety's sake. The pilots don't want him freaking out and hurting himself or anyone else. And they don't want him running around the plane and breaking things. So, he's going in a crate. He hasn't been in one of those since he was a puppy. I hope he'll be ok.

"Yes, Matthew, Tucker is coming with us. Mama is at the pet store buying his cage right now. Let's hurry up and get this stuff packed so we can go get some dinner ok?" We're leaving the day after tomorrow. We packed up our dishes except for a few that we're using now. We're just going to eat fast food until we leave for Ohio. Lots of Chinese mostly, we don't want Matthew eating a lot of junk food since it's so unhealthy. But we're letting it slide for now. He doesn't really like it, he misses Faith's cooking and she's already promised to cook a big meal once we get settled in the house at the facility. Giles sent me some pictures of it and it looks pretty nice. It's not as big as our house but it's comfortable. He had the construction crew put up a fence in the back so we have a large backyard for Tucker to run around in. Giles made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want our dog running around the facility causing havoc and destruction. And I know that's exactly what he'll do. He'll dig and get into everything and knock things over and break stuff. But I mean, if he were to accidentally be let out of the house just once or twice then it totally wouldn't be our fault if he dug up the flowers in the garden or chased the ducks in the pond. Nope, totally wouldn't be our fault.

It takes us half an hour to pack up all of his toys. He convinced me to let him take some more stuff then I had told him. I know we can always buy him more but he just seems so sad about leaving, I feel bad that he has to leave most of his stuff here. Faith made it perfectly clear that we're taking most of his book collection. We're going to leave the ones that he never wants her to read, so that's like five out of seventy. She reads to him a lot. And apparently she read to him a lot more then usual after I left. She would sit up at night with him and Addison during her feedings and read to both of them. He slept in the bed with her up until the night of her accident and I'm sure he'll be sleeping with us the first week or so. Being in a new house is scary for most kids, so I'll let him sleep in our bed with us for a week or two but then he'll have to get used to sleeping on his own. I vowed a long time ago that I'm not going to be the parent that let's their children sleep in the bed with them. Our kids will have their own beds and they will sleep in them.

We walk into the living room and I hear Faith in the garage, cussing a lot and sounding a little pissed. I open up the door and see her trying to get Tucker to go into the large dog crate. I smile as I watch her struggle with him. Since she's a slayer she could easily force him inside, but she doesn't want to hurt him so she's trying to be gentle. She's never going to get him in there with that attitude. But I have to go pick up the food so me helping her can wait until after dinner.

"Faith, I'm going to get the food. Addison's still sleeping, but she should be up soon. And maybe you should try putting some food at the back of the crate and let him go in on his own. He'll hate that thing forever if you force him to be in it." She rolls her eyes and gives me this 'whatever' type of look. I hate that look, I've always hated it, and she knows I hate it. She does it just to piss me off. I know she does. Whatever. "I'll be back in a little bit. Could you set the table while I'm gone?" She nods her head yes and I leave. Matthew closes the door behind him. He's decided that he's going with me. I had planned on taking him and Addison, but Faith is home now so the baby can stay. I hook Matthew up in his car seat and we're off. It won't take us long to get to the restaurant. Ten minutes, maybe a little more. The entire time I'm thinking about what it's going to be like in Ohio.

We could be there for months, possibly even a year or more. I'm surprised we haven't talked about selling the house. We're getting everything shut off, the power, the water, and the gas that way we won't have to pay for anything or worry about it. So now all we have to do is pack up what little stuff we have left to pack and then leave on Saturday. Giles is having us take an early flight so we'll be getting up at five in the morning to drive to Sacramento. Kennedy said she'd drive us that way we won't have to take one of our cars. We'll be landing in Cleveland around three thirty in the afternoon, our time. It'll be, like, twelve thirty in the afternoon in Cleveland. I hate the time difference. It's going to take a while for the kids to get used to that. I'm sure they'll do just fine. It shouldn't take too long for them to adjust. I think it'll take longer for Faith and me to adjust to it.

"Mommy, when we get to Cleveland do I get to train with the girls?" We've been too busy to train with him but he's been talking about it. He knows that the facility is where the slayers go to train and learn how to fight and all of that other stuff. We aren't sure if we should let him train with the other slayers or not. He hasn't caused any problems in school like using his strength to takes toys from the other kids or anything like that, but we're afraid that he's going to show off in front of his friends and really hurt someone. And if we teach him how to do the moves then it'll be pretty much our fault. I sigh and chew on my bottom lip a little. "Mama just kept saying 'we'll see'. Do I get to train with the girls, Mommy?" Ok, I think we need a subject change and right now. I pull into the parking lot of the restaurant and pull into a parking spot.

"Let's go get the food ok?" But I know it isn't going to be that easy. Once his mind is stuck on something there's no distracting him. "I have to train with the girls for the school so they can get better and graduate, but maybe you and me can train on the weekends ok?" He sighs and nods his head. That's not the answer he wanted. He wants to train with the girls, maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't. I have no idea, we'll just have to wait until we get there. We go inside and pay for the food and then head home. When I walk in the front door the first thing that I notice is that the table is not set. I hate it when she does that. She usually only sets the table when she cooks, even if I ask her to do it and she agrees she won't. This has started many fights in the past but I'm going to let it slide. We're all stressed because of the move and I really don't want to start anything right now. So I stay calm and set the bags of food down on the table. I don't hear any noises, so Addison must still be sleeping, and Faith is probably out in the garage trying to get that dumb dog to cooperate.

I open the garage door and walk down the two concrete steps. What I see I don't like, but I'm not going to get pissed. Ok, so I'm pissed but I'm not going to say anything about it. At least not a lot. Cluing you in would probably help. What I see is Faith sitting on the hood of her Camaro with an open bottle of Jack Daniels in her hand. It looks like she's already had about a fourth of it. I walk in and sit down next to her. She doesn't look at me, she just keeps staring into the void or whatever she's looking at. She sighs deeply and takes another long drink of the amber liquid. She rolls her head back and looks up at the ceiling. She passes the bottle to me and I pick the cap up and twist it back on and set the bottle down in between us. She sighs again and lies down so the back of her head is resting against the glass of the windshield. I remember we almost had sex on the hood of this car, the day that Faith bought it, but then I got a little bit of a flashback and I remembered the day I had psychic ability and I heard my mom's thoughts of when she and Giles had sex on the hood of a police car. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to forget that.

"This is my first real home, ya know." She says and I look up at her. I smile a little bit. She's getting all reminiscey because we're leaving on Saturday. "There was my house in Boston, but that was more of a hell then a home. Then there's all the motel rooms and prison. But this is my first home." She pauses as she sits up and looks over to the work bench. She used to spend a lot of time there, but then she got pregnant and I wouldn't let her around the power tools. Call me a bitch but I worried way too much that she was going to hurt herself and the baby. I guess once you become pregnant people treat you like a china doll. Faith did it to me, so I did it to her. Revenge can be sweet as long as you don't over do it. "I built Mattie's bookshelf there. I fixed your jewelry box." I smile a little more at that memory. She was the one who broke it. She decided it would be funny to play 'keep away' and she dropped it and didn't catch it in time and the lid broke and she picked it up really quick before I could see how bad the damage was and she ran out to the garage and fixed it for me. She was so scared that she was going to get yelled at. I love that jewelry box. It was a Christmas present from her for our first Christmas together. "All of our memories are here. The good ones at least. Mattie's first steps, first birthday, first words, the time we were sparring and you pushed me so hard my head went through the wall and I got a concussion." I cringe at that memory. What? She was winning, and I hate losing. I got a little desperate and I pushed her harder then I meant to. "And now we're packing up and leaving it all here. Addy's firsts are probably going to happen in Ohio and we won't be able to show her when she gets older. We won't be able to take her to the exact spot where she took her first step, or the spot on the wall she colors with a marker for the first time." We both laugh at that. Matthew had gotten a hold of a permanent marker and decided that the freshly painted bathroom would be the perfect place to unleash his artistic ability.

"Faith, it'll be ok. We'll make sure to be back here before any of that happens. She's only two months old, she isn't going to be walking until she's about a year at least. Who knows? She might not even walk until she's almost two. Some babies are like that. We have plenty of time to help get everyone back on track and get back here and get our lives back to normal. And I mean, it could be kind of fun. I mean, we don't really do much during the day. Obviously now that we have Addison we'll be taking care of her, but before she was born all we did was stay home and take care of Matthew, we only patrolled a couple nights a week. Don't you think it's time we do something more? I know we're coming back here, there's no way I'm staying in Ohio, but when we get back what then? It isn't just recently, it's been going on for a while, and I think that maybe there's something missing. Maybe I could go back to college and get a degree and then get a job. I mean, we can't live off of Giles' money forever, and maybe it's time we stopped being so dependent on it. It was nice in the beginning while we were getting back on our feet and everything but now it just seems like we're mooching." I don't think now is the time to bring it up but whatever.

"I guess it would be good. I mean, he's paying for the wedding and everything, and I do feel bad about him paying our bills and shit." She sighs and runs a hand through her long hair. I got mine cut a little while ago so now it's right below my shoulder. Oh, and I got some highlights. She loves it. She did tell me not to get it cut too short because she loves running her fingers through my hair. "Ohio's gonna suck. It wouldn't be as bad if we actually wanted to go but we don't. Those brats are gonna wish they'd never acted up." I know she's serious and I can't help but feel a little bad for them. Faith's been to prison she can bring a whole new aspect of a drill sergeant that I can't. Plus she's really mean when she's grumpy and I don't think she's going to be happy about training with the girls. I need to cheer her up somehow. I don't like seeing Faith sad, it makes me sad. So I smile and get really close to her and kiss the side of her neck a couple of times.

"I asked Katie to come over and watch the kids so we can go patrolling. But how about we play hooky and act like teens again? We could even sneak out the bedroom window, and then put the car in neutral and roll it down the street before we start it. Then we can go back to that hotel and spend another wonderful night worshipping each other. Can we do that Faith? Can we act like teens again?" I smiles and gives me this 'you really are crazy, aren't you?' type of look. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm still at that clinic in L.A. locked away in some padded room being cared for by nurses and doctors. Well, if I'm crazy and this is fake then I don't want to be sane.


	16. Anger Issues

Here's your update, sorry it took so long.**  
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Four Days Later.** BPOV

Damn, the baby's crying again. I swear this kid is firmly against us getting any sleep. She cried almost the entire flight and slept for a really long time once we got her in the basinet that we brought with us. I can't remember exactly how long she slept but she's been waking up way more then normal ever since. I don't know why she's acting like this. Maybe she's sick? No, she had a doctor's appointment the day after Christmas and she got her shots so she should be fine. I hear Faith groan and roll over onto her other side. Matthew moves around a little bit but doesn't wake up. That kid can sleep through anything. I guess it's up to me to take care of the screamer. She can't be hungry, she just had four ounces of formula like half an hour ago. It doesn't sound like much but for a little baby who's stomach is very small that's a lot. I sit up in the bed and yawn widely and rub some of the sleep out of my eyes. I throw the covers back and stand up. I walk to the other side of the bed and look down at my crying baby and then look up at the clock radio on Faith's nightstand. The big red numbers are mocking me, laughing at me because it's only four in the morning. Sometimes, like right now when I'm sleep deprived and want to just curl up with my fiancé for like a week, parenthood sucks.

I reach down and wrap Addison's blanket around her so she's wrapped up like a little burrito and I pick her up and cradle her in my arms. I yawn again and walk out of the room. No need to wake up the other two. The time difference thing isn't so bad for me because I already had some time to get used to it, but they are having a hard time adjusting. We've only been here for a couple days so it'll just take some more time. Faith is going to make her formal introduction to the girls today. I'm a little afraid for them because Faith has already said many times that she isn't going to hold back on the physical stuff. She says that they're slayers and they shouldn't be babied and if they do something to deserve a smack on the back of the head they should get a smack on the back of the head. I agree with her but I know she isn't going to hold back on the strength like I did. It doesn't seem like it but I did.

I sigh and sit down in the rocking chair. It's in the living room, in the corner facing the wall that has the T.V. and some pictures that I hung up. In my spare time in December I got copies made of some of the pictures of Matthew and Faith and took them to the photo place where the lady behind the counter made them bigger and then I framed them. It took me a couple of days because first I had to decide which pictures I wanted framed and then I had to pick out the perfect frames and then find the perfect places to hang them. But it was worth the effort. I sigh again and take a look around. This place isn't bad, I actually kind of like it. Giles somehow got a hold of the blue prints of our house in Shasta Lake and had an almost exact replica built. The only things missing are Addison's room and our training room. He said that she is still sleeping in the room with us and we shouldn't be here for very long so we won't need a nursery. As for the training room, he said that we are living at the only facility for slayers, that is home to five different training rooms so if we want to take out our aggression we can just walk the five minutes to get to one. He still doesn't understand that when me and Faith spar it usually ends with us all sweaty and worked up and having sex on the training room floor. But if little Addison doesn't stop waking up every half hour we won't be doing any sparing.

"Shh baby girl, shh," I whisper and gently rock back and forth. She's starting to calm down but she's still crying. I hold her really close to me to try and make her feel really snug. I start to hum, just like I did for Matthew when he was a little baby. I hold her with one arm and use my free hand to gently rub her stomach and she quickly calms down. She doesn't go back to sleep though, she keeps her eyes open and just looks up at me. I smile a little and gently rub her cheek with the back of my index finger. "You're gonna have to stop this waking-up-every-half-an-hour nonsense. Me and your mother need our sleep." She grunts and furrows her eyebrows a little bit. She's quite the little back-talker. We're definitely going to have problems with this one when she reaches the teen years. Oh great. I was just being sarcastic, I really hope I didn't just jinx it.

"Nope, you're going to be a very good little girl. You're not going to pick on your brother, and you're goin to listen to what we have to tell you and you're not going to date anyone until you're sixteen and you're not going to sleep with him until you're married." She grunts and makes this little gurgling sound and wiggles around a little. I guess that's her way of saying 'yeah right, whatever, I'll do what I want'. Yep, she's going to be quite the handful, if that dream was really some type of premonition then I better start preparing for a lot of yelling.

I look out the window when I feel my slayer senses tingle, as Faith calls it. I can feel something evil, it's distant and I don't think it's very powerful, a newly risen vampire or something like that, but I can still feel it. I can feel the slayer within me stir up a little. I'm definitely in a slaying rut, and I don't think I'm going to be able to go back to that little town after living here for a couple of months. I didn't go slaying before because I didn't want to go alone and I don't want to slay with anyone else but Faith. That would be like cheating or something. But it drove me crazy, being able to feel all of the evil that this hellmouth has to offer and not give in to this desire to hunt. And when I got back home I didn't really think about it because I was so worried about Faith and then all I wanted to do was spend time with her. But now that things are calm and I'm up at...four thirty in the morning, and can feel something lurking out there I can feel all of those years of repressing my slayer side start to rush forward.

I look down when I feel Addison move. She's tilting her back and looking towards the window. She can feel it too. I can't help but feel a little proud because of that. My kids are already slayers, it wouldn't surprise me if they grow up to be stronger then all of the other slayers in the world. Being born of two slayers that has to make you like a super-slayer, right? I don't know, we'll just have to wait until they're old enough and then test their abilities, but judging by how advanced Matthew is when it comes to the training he's going to be very powerful. I look towards the hall when I hear Faith walking down it. She's still half asleep, walking like a zombie with her eyes closed as she makes her way towards the bathroom. She's so used to doing this almost every morning that she doesn't need to open her eyes to know where our bathroom door is. But we're not at home and five bucks says she'll walk into the wall. Just wait for it...and...bingo!

"Ow, motherfucker." She says and stumbles back a little. I have to bite my lips to keep from laughing as she rubs her forehead and nose. She opens her eyes and watches where she's going as she steps into the bathroom and shuts the door. She's going to be really tired today. And when she's really tired she's grouchy. And a grouchy Faith is not something anyone wants to be around. She bitches and complains and is a lot more sarcastic then normal, and she's really mean about it too. When she's grouchy I do my best to ignore it and try to cheer her up. I can be very imaginative too. There have been outfits, and they put her in a good mood really quick. But we can't do that here. Giles forgot to sound proof the walls, and Matthew still isn't sleeping in his own bed. This is all new to him and he's a little scared. He may be a slayer but he's still a little six-year-old boy. And sleeping in a brand new room in a new house in a new town can be scary. "What are you doing up so early?" When did she get out of the bathroom? I didn't hear her come out, oh well.

"Addison was crying again. She still hasn't gone back to sleep," I tell her and look down at our girl. She's looking up at Faith and smiling and it's possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen. She has Faith's dimples all right. "What time are you going to talk to Giles?" She wants to see Giles before she introduces herself to the girls. I don't really know why. I guess she wants to make sure that if they get hurt during her training sessions she can't be held responsible. I don't know if that's true or not, thus the reason for talking with Giles. She says the word 'ten' and she shivers loudly and her teeth start to chatter. She's not used to living in this kind of weather anymore. I know it gets really cold in Boston so she should be used to it but she's not. And it gets really cold here. We're trying to keep it warm in the house but that's kind of hard to do when it's twenty degrees outside and there's six inches of snow on the ground. She gently rubs the backs of her fingers across my upper arm and I can't help but shiver they're so cold. I really wish she wouldn't do that. She did it on purpose, I know she did.

"Come back to bed, B. Keep me warm." I smile a little devilish smile because I know exactly what she's thinking. But we can't, Matthew's still sleeping in our bed and if we fool around with him right next to us it would be creepy and weird and probably illegal. I guess I'm making a weird facial expression because she smiles and then runs her fingers through my hair. And again with the shivering. I really wish she'd stop with the touching until her hands are warm again. "I put Mattie in his own bed, he's not going to wake up for another couple a hours, and Addy's asleep again." I look down and sure enough the little one has dozed off and is lightly snoring. Yep, she definitely takes after Faith. "Come on, B. Come back to bed." Jeez, what has her so worked up? Oh well, might as well make the best of it. She'll probably be too tired tonight to do anything except sleep. I smile and we walk into the bedroom together. I put Addison back in the basinet and she moves around a little bit but then quiets down. I turn the thermostat up a little bit because it's getting kinda cold in here. Faith is just a wuss when it comes to the cold, she hates it and gets cold pretty easy. She told me that's one of the things she hated most about winter in Boston: she was always cold.

I lie down under the covers and scoot closer to her. I wrap my arms around her and make myself comfortable as we lie on our sides and face each other. Damn, she really is cold. Her feet feel like ice. There's only one thing I can think of at the moment to get her warmed up. And yes that was a double entendre. I give her a small kiss on the lips and I pull back after a couple seconds. She opens her eyes again and looks at me weird and I smile oh so sweetly. I like teasing her, it's fun. But you have to be really careful when you tease Faith because she always finds a way to get you back. I remember when we first started sleeping together I had teased her for a good ten maybe fifteen minutes. She got so frustrated that she actually screamed, and of course I laughed because it was so damn funny.

So the next day I'm sitting on the living room couch, reading a magazine and minding my own business when she walks in the room and straddles me. We made out for a while and we were both hot and bothered, and she slowly slid her hand into my pants and started to tease me. She left these little feather light touches at my entrance and on my clit but she never actually gave me any pleasure. And then right when I started to pump my hips to try and get her to touch me, she got up and brushed herself off and said that she needed to do some laundry. She just left me there, confused, and very turned on. I learned that day that if you burn the Faith, the Faith will burn you back.

Ok, so back to the now. I kiss Faith full on the lips and I slowly slide my tongue into her mouth. I do the little swirly thing that she loves and she starts moaning a little. She needs to be very quiet or else this will be brought to an abrupt stop when Addison wakes up. I can feel her skin start to warm up a little bit, which is what I wanted. Her blood is pumping faster and I can feel her heart beating quicker. As we kiss I bring a hand up and cup her cheek, and then her neck. I gently massage the muscles there and let my hand wonder down to her breast. I feel her nipple harden under my touch and I use my thumb to tease it a little. She kisses me a little rougher, a little faster and I pull back for air. She's panting really hard and she can't stop moaning. What has gotten into her? Maybe she had a sex dream or something.

"Shh, baby, you gotta calm down a little." She gulps in some air and shakes her head no. She shallows hard and then pants some more. Her hips are slowly grinding up against me and her hands are working their way under and up my shirt. She lightly massages my breasts and I kiss her deeply. She slows down, and her moaning has ceased to be. We pull back for air and we're totally silent and completely still as we look at each other. There's so much passion, so much fire in her eyes that it sends a shiver down my spine. She lifts up her leg and places it over my hip. I can feel her heat through our clothing. What has her so worked up? Sure sometimes she wakes up really excited from a sex dream but never like this. She kisses me deeply, and it feels like she's rushing. I slow her down a little and her hips start pumping again. She rolls me over onto my back and then sits up in my lap and the blankets fall down around her. I watch as she lifts off her shirt and her breasts lightly bounce as they're freed. She tosses the shirt aside and leans down again. She presses against me as we kiss. I break it and grab onto her hips. I lift her up a little and scoot down the bed and as I do my shirt rises up, exposing my stomach. I take one of her hard peaks in my mouth and I close my eyes. She hasn't let me do this in a long time because of the breast milk. But that's all dried up now so I get to enjoy them again.

She moans and grinds herself against my stomach. I reach down and pull on her pajama bottoms and panties. When I can't reach down any further with my hands I use one of my feet and pull them off the rest of the way. I shiver when I feel the cool air of the room brush against my arms and legs. I sit up and she's looking at me with a little bit of confusion. I smile though and kiss her collarbone a little bit. She starts moaning again and I pull back. I lean over the side of the bed, which is a little difficult with Faith sitting in my lap. I gently touch Addison's skin to make sure she's not too cold. I grab some of her extra blankets from the end of the basinet and cover her up. The call of motherhood will not be denied even in the middle of an early morning quickie.

I sit back up and smile at Faith before capturing her lips with my own. I grab the blankets that have fallen down around her waist and pull them over us as I slowly lay down. Faith follows me and starts to grind herself against me. She scoots up a little and I continue my attack on her breasts. She moans a little louder as I roll her hard peak in my mouth. She grinds against my stomach like before only now that she's nude I can feel her wetness against my skin. She starts moaning even louder. But she stops, which is a little strange. She scoots down the bed and takes off my pajama bottoms along with my underwear. She straddles my thigh and starts grinding against the warm flesh as she kisses me deep.

I can feel her moans and groans. I can feel her hot wetness against me, and she's getting louder, and louder. It's a little weird that she isn't talking, but I guess she knows that no matter how worked up she is she has to be quiet because if Addison wakes up then that's it and we'll both be frustrated all day long. Her hips start pumping harder, a lot quicker and she pulls back from the kiss and inhales sharply. I feel the rush of wetness and she squeaks loudly, which I think is adorable but also really weird. Did she just? She did, but...why so soon? And just from rubbing against my leg for like...two minutes. I knew we'd have to be quick, but damn we're never that quick. I watch the bliss cross her face and then her breathing starts to return to normal but she doesn't open her eyes. Well, at least she looks satisfied, that's what's important, right? But I still can't get over this, and I have to ask. "Did you just...?" She opens her eyes and relaxes against me, a little off to the side so she's using my shoulder as a pillow and she's lightly running her fingertips over my stomach.

"Yeah. Pretty weird huh?" I nod my head a little. I probably sound strange obsessing about this, it's just that it usually takes more for Faith to...arrive. And the fact that all it took was her rubbing against me a little has me a little confused. And we've only been in the room for about...fifteen minutes. The only time she ever comes that soon is if I'm going down on her or using my hands. "It's this place, B. I can feel the hellmouth, all the evil, and it's driving me crazy. I can feel the slayer just screaming for me to go out and slay, but we haven't yet and all of that pent up energy has to go somewhere, and you know how I get really worked up if I don't slay, or if I miss the kill. But this, it's like a low hum in the back of my mind, it's calling me, telling me to come and find it. We definitely have to go slaying tonight." We're quiet for a few minutes as she continues to draw little invisible designs on my stomach. I'm a little worked up just from watching Faith, and touching her but nothing life threatening. Besides, Matthew just woke up so we can't do anything else because he's opening our bedroom door now. Faith grabs onto the covers and holds them around her as if her life depends on it.

"Mama, I'm hungry. When are you gonna make breakfast?" He starts to walk into the room and I can feel Faith panicking because she's completely nude and she doesn't want to scar him for life by him seeing her nude. She rolls over so she's facing him and I can't help but smile. I wonder how she's going to get him to leave the room. His appetite is just as big as hers, and when he's hungry he won't leave you alone until there's food for him to eat. And the only way Faith will get up is if he's out of the room. Which is understandable. I don't want our son seeing me naked either. Talk about psychological damage. I really don't want him to one day be lying on the couch of a therapist talking about how he one day walked in on the afterglow of his two mothers and that's why he's crazy. Not that he's going to grow up to be crazy but if he does I really don't want some therapist blaming us for it. Unless we really are the reason. Ok, enough talking about this, it's giving me a headache.

"I'll be up in a minute. Why don't you go let Tucker outside, ok?" Matthew nods his head yes and runs from the room. Well, that was easier then I thought it was going to be. She rolls over and gives me a little kiss on the neck and then pulls back so she can look at me. "Sorry you didn't get to..." She must've noticed the weird look on my face or something because it's rare that she stops talking like that unless she thinks it'll start a fight. Why I would fight about this I have no idea. I have the weird look on my face because I'm trying to feel what she's feeling, trying to feel the evil, that low hum she's talking about but it isn't working. "We'll try again later ok?" I nod my head yes and give her a deep kiss. "Do you remember if we packed the bathrobes or not?" I stare at the ceiling as I think about it. I think we did. Let's see...the bathroom stuff went in the blue bag. No, I know they're not in there. Oh, I remember.

"Yeah, in the red bag. Miscellaneous stuff, remember?" She smiles and nods her head yes, but it's one of those 'you're crazy but I still love you' smiles. I was the one who came up with the system of naming all of the bags. If it were up to her we would have just thrown everything together and it would be one big unorganized mess. She gets up and wraps the sheet around her and then walks over to the closet. She starts digging through the bags until she finally finds the red one. She pulls out her robe and slips it on and then tosses the sheet back onto the bed. "Faith?" She stops in the doorway and turns around. "Pancakes and bacon?"

"Sure, comin right up." And she leaves the room. I lie on my back and stare up at the ceiling. Why has Faith always been more in tune with her slayer side then me? She can feel the hellmouth humming in the back of her mind, I can't feel that. Sure I can feel some of the evil creatures around here but I've always been able to feel that. By just being here Faith can feel the hellmouth below the earth, and it's affecting her. Maybe that's one of the reasons she was so...intense in Sunnydale. The hellmouth amplified everything and she dealt with it the only way she knew how, by giving in to it. Most of the guy talk was bravado, but she did get around a little bit. Her post slaying double H's have always been more intense then mine, maybe the hellmouth made it a lot worst for her. I don't know, but I need to stop thinking about it or it's going to drive me crazy. And Addison's crying again. Maybe it is time to get up and face the day.

FPOV

"Ah, yes, Faith. Please, come in and sit down. It's lovely to see you again," Giles says when I knock on the door to his office and then open it. Yes, I waited for him to say 'come in'. I do have some manners ya know. Anyway, I walk in and sit down in the chair in front of his desk. "There was something you wanted to discuss?" Could he be any more British? According to B he loosened up a lot ever since he met Wesley. I guess lookin into a mirror made him realize how tightly wound he really was. He's the only watcher I know that wears jeans.

"I was wondering if you could tell me where all the vampires are in California. Redding and Shasta Lake has none. Well, there are some demons, mostly lame vampires who aren't even worth slaying. Me and B are feelin pretty restless and just sittin in this town, being able to feel all of the evil…it's drivin me kinda crazy." He gives me this strange look and stops stirring his tea. Well at least I know where he stands on the whole trusting me issue. Seems like none of the scoobies, 'cept for B, can move on from the Sunnydale days. "Not literally. We need to slay, there's no question about it. If we keep going on like this I think we will go insane. It was fine like this at first, that big battle had all of us beggin for a break, but it's been almost nine years since Sunnydale went boom, and the last time I got in a decent slay was the last time I was here. And that was what, almost four years ago? Somethin needs to change, and I think it's our location of livin." He's quiet while he thinks about what I've said and he sips at his tea. I try to sit still and be quiet because that's the respectful thing to do since I just asked him a pretty big favor.

"I suppose I could look into it. It might take a day or two. I'm assuming you two want to avoid the larger cities, San Francisco, LA, Oakland? Those places have a large population of vampires, yes, but I'm sure you'll want to take in account that, in my opinion, none of those cities are good enough for raising children." He has a point. San Fran is overpopulated, Oakland has lots of crime and the LA gang is doing a good job in keeping that town under control when it comes to the evil. Wouldn't want to make them feel threatened, slaying is how they make they're livin after all. I nod my head since I don't really know what to say. Talking with Giles and not being a smart ass is just something I'm not used to. I feel like a fish outta water, so I think I'll just be quiet. "So, give me a couple of days and I'll try to find something you'll both like. There is something I need to discuss with you." I nod my head again and he continues. Why do I feel so nervous all of a sudden? Probably because he's givin me that protective father look, and it's not me who he's protecting. "I'd like to talk about the wedding you two are planning." Actually Buffy's planning it, and I just agree with what she wants, because I want her to have exactly what she wants. The only thing I refuse to do is wear a dress.

"About that. Buffy changed the date. She wants to have it sooner then she originally planned. We were gonna wait until Addy turns two, but she wants to have it this spring. Somewhere in southern California, at this garden, she can't remember the name of it so we're gonna take a trip to LA 'cause she knows it's somewhere around there." I stop talking and he takes another sip of his tea. He's looking into my eyes and I can't help but feel like he's staring into my soul. His light eyes are searching for something and he puts his cup of tea down when he finds it.

"And you're unhappy with the change of date?" I sigh and look around. I'm not a very good liar, or so I've been told. I can be honest with Giles right? He's not as tightly wound as he used to be. I was a little surprised actually, didn't think the tweed kind of capable of getting rid of their better then thou attitudes. Then again I never thought me and B would shack up, have a couple kids and live out in the middle of suburbia, and not kill each other after a little over eight years together. Our anniversary is gonna be comin up pretty quick. Ok, so not so quick, in a few months. That's plenty of time to get her a really nice gift and cook her those cheese stuffed shells she loves so much. "Faith? Are you alright?" Oh, musta zoned out again. I swear I have A.D.D.

"I'm fine. Look, I'm not unhappy with the date change. I just think she's…rushing this. We've barely had time to enjoy our engagement and she wants to walk down the isle. I think waitin a couple of years was the better of the two ideas. But this is what Buffy wants, and it's her special day. I'm not going to ruin it for her." Ok so that came out a little more defensive then I planned but whatever. He leans more into the chair and then takes another sip of his tea and then puts it back down on the table. This is gonna bug me, either drink it all now or finish it after I leave. He's usin it as a way to buy him more time to think of what to say, which I get, but it's still buggin me.

"Faith, this is your special day as well. And I know that above all things Buffy wants both of you to be happy and comfortable on your wedding day, and if you think that she's rushing this then you're not going to be as happy and comfortable as you would be if you were married on a date you both agree on." He's gotta point. But still, this is Buffy's day. Even if I am a little uncomfortable getting married so soon I'm not going to deny her. She'd be crushed. He sighs and sifts his weight in the chair. "I know you don't agree with me now, but please think about what I've said. Maybe you'll realize that this wedding isn't all about Buffy. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I need to finish signing these progress reports."

I tell him goodbye and then leave the room. I guess it's time to do a little exploring. Some things have changed since the last time I was here. New paint job, a couple of the classes are being used for different things, and…is that a pond? Sure as hell looks like one. I wonder if it gets ducks in the summer. Oh, Tucker's gonna love that if we're still here when they come back. Hmm, I should probably take the dog for a walk. He's been cooped up since we got here. He's probably driving Buffy a little crazy.

I hear the bell ring and all of the kids start pouring out of the classrooms. It seems like there's more then there really is because their voices are echoing off the walls, making everything sound louder. I let my eyes wonder over the faces as they pass me. From the way B described this Lily kid I should be able to spot her on sight. But I don't see anyone that fits the description. All of these girls are wearing girly lookin clothes, ya know, tight fitting and bright colors. From what B said this girl likes her threads dark and not as snug as the others. I look over to my right when I see something outside the big windows move. I see someone walking down the path towards the tool shed. No one's supposed to be outside since it's so cold. She has light brown hair that's shoulder length, dark clothes with chains on the pants, 'bout as tall as B, walks with a superior attitude...that must be Lily.

The door that leads outside is just at the end of the hall. I go outside and shiver. I should have brought a warmer jacket. I walk down the path towards the shed, I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I think they finally realized who I am. When I open the door to the shed the first thing I notice is the smell of cigarette smoke. Hopefully she's in the mood to share 'cause it's been way too long since I've had a cigarette and just smelling this is driving me a little crazy. I step into the room and close the door. She's leaning against the back wall, a large metal drum is next to her, the lid is gone and she's using it as an ashtray. I walk to the back of the small area and lean against the wall on the other side of the drum.

"Bum one?" She cocks an eyebrow but holds out the pack. I take one and then she puts those away and holds out the lighter. She lights it and holds it up for me. I put the cigarette in my mouth and lean down until it's lit. "Thanks." She nods her head and then puts the lighter away. I take a long drag, which I soon learn is a big mistake. I start coughing and gagging. Fuck, this shit is strong. When I can finally breathe again I look over at her and she's smiling a smug little smirk. Well, I'm glad me almost dying made her day. I take a smaller drag and relish in the feeling of the nicotine entering my system. It's really calmin me down since I can still feel this place humming. "So, cancer really is your goal, huh?" She laughs a little and then exhales a long stream of smoke. I feel like I'm back in junior high, smoking in the bathroom with the other 'bad girls'.

"Since living here the ones I used to smoke aren't strong enough anymore. It's easier to smoke about ten of these a day instead of four packs of the others." Makes sense. I wonder how long she's been comin out here. From the amount of butts inside the drum I'd say a pretty long time, but you never know. This could be the place to come for the girls who smoke. To say all those cigarette butts are hers might be a little over the top. "Look, I know why you're out here." Oh you do, do you? I highly doubt it. I've been in here what, five minutes? And already she's getting with the defensive. And all I did was ask for a cigarette. If I was this bad at that age no wonder I didn't have a lot of friends.

"From the talk that travels around here I know you had a rough life, and I know the 'superiors' flew you all the way out here just to try and get me to open up." Don't flatter yourself sweetheart. "You might as well leave 'cause I'm not gonna talk to you." Really? 'Cause that's all you seem to be doin. "Just because we've both had hard lives it doesn't mean we have some sorta connection or trust between us. I need me and me only, that's the way it's always been." Wow, was I really like this? Physically we're not a lot a like. 'Cept for the shortness and the hair this chick looks a lot like Anya. Same eyes, same skin tone, same facial features, and same chest size. This chick's voice isn't as annoying though.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talkin about. I came out here to see what you were up to. I was prayin you'd have some of these." I hold up the cigarette and then take a small drag. Moderation is the key to keep from havin another coughin fit. "It's been a while since I've had one. And I didn't fly all the way out here just to get you to open up and tell what a shitty life you've had, 'cause honestly I don't really care. I came out here to be with my girl, and so she doesn't have to be away from our kids." She laughs a little and takes the last drag. She stamps the cherry out on the inside of the drum and then drops the butt inside.

"That's right, I forgot, you're whipped." Why is she makin the temptation to hit her so strong? "People are all the same, they use you then lose you." Didn't the white with black dog from Homeward Bound say that? Dude, she just quoted a fuckin Disney movie. "I'm sure you gotta good thing goin with your girl, maybe it'll last, but from everything I've seen the risk just isn't worth it." Aw, so she's been hurt. She put herself out there and was rejected in some way. No wonder she's so bitter. "I gotta jet." Who says that nowadays? "I miss another class and the 'almighty Buffy' will be on my ass again." She walks forward but I grab her by the arm and pull her back. I stamp out the cigarette and drop it into the drum. She gives me this look like she knows a lecture is comin and she's gettin ready to ignore every word that comes outta my mouth. So that's what that expression looks like. No wonder people got so frustrated with me.

"I'm guessin you know where the good drinkin holes are at in this town, the demon bars?" She gives me this strange look and doesn't move or say anything. I sigh and let go of her arm. "Bein able to feel a hellmouth again is makin me a little stir crazy, it's better for everyone if I wind down. So, where are the demon bars?" I know that she knows. There's no way she doesn't sneak out at night. It's hard to keep a girl like her locked up for too long. I should know, 'cause according to everyone she's a lot like me when I was her age. And demon bars don't refuse service to teenagers, this I know first hand. She sighs and runs a hand through her short hair. She's thinkin about it, at least that's an improvement. She could have told me to fuck off and then left.

"The only one worth going to is downtown on Market Avenue. Benny's Tavern. I think Mondays they have a big poker game in the back, but I've never been back there. Drinks are alright, beer, JD and Tequila and the prices are pretty good. And thanks for makin me late." No problem. "If your girl chews my ass out again I'll just tell her it's 'cause her honey wanted to talk." She leaves the shed and I'm left standin here like an idiot. I don't know why I feel like an idiot, I just do. I look down at my watch, I still have a couple of hours to kill before my introduction to the girls. I can't wait to meet the little slayers. And no that wasn't sarcastic. I wanna see what I'm gonna be workin with. According to B there are a couple girls who are doin great since she put 'em back on track. Ok, wow I need to calm down here. This place is doin some wicked shit to me, and I don't like it. I like being in control of what happens to me.

I was like this last time me and B were here. Giles wanted us to come out here and give some type of presentation to show the little slayers what they could be like with hard work and lost of training. We gave the lectures with a smile even though we didn't want to give them. We did the sparing with pleasure and I got extra worked up because I could feel the hellmouth just like I can feel it now. During the sparing whenever I would pin B or get her in some type of lock I would whisper really dirty stuff to her, and she got so worked up I'm surprised she didn't drag me out of the room and ravish me in the broom closet. We screwed just about everywhere. This tool shed is a perfect example. In that corner over there, only three feet away from where Lily was standing, I had B pressed up against the wall, kickin an' screamin and beggin me to make her come. Alright I gotta stop thinkin 'bout that, I'm startin to get worked up again. Ok, time to get out of here. God, I'm bored. What to do? Let's see, I'm in the one place where a slayer can really act like a slayer, there are at least five training rooms and all sorts of weapons and people to spar with, why am I so bored? And why I am still standing in this shed? I think I need to get my head checked. But this quiet is nice. Eww, spiders. Ok, time to get the fuck out of here.

So finally three o' clock rolls around, and it's time to go train with the brats. I did find someone to spar with. This intern named Holly. She's all right, easy enough to talk to, and she has a great sense of humor. I'll have to introduce her to B, I'm sure Blondie'll get a kick outta her. And that shower felt great. These showerheads have great water pressure, nice and strong. Too bad the showerheads aren't detachable, that would have been awesome. Get rid of some of this nervous energy before I meet the brats, but whatever. I hope Buffy's not too tired when I get back to the house because I'm definitely going to need some release. It took a lota will power not to jump that Holly girl and she isn't even my type. I don't like what this hellmouth is doin to my body. I really hope Giles finds a nice town that's infested with vamps but isn't on a hellmouth 'cause I might go crazy.

I finish towel drying my hair and throw it back in a ponytail. Yeah, I wear ponytails now, no big deal. It keeps the hair out of my face and I don't look like a drowned rat right after a shower. Luckily Holly's room wasn't far from the training room we used and she let me borrow a sports bra and some shorts for the sparing or else I'd be wearing smelly clothes for my intro. The bra was a little tight, but it was ok. I think she gave me a smaller one on purpose, but I can't prove it. I'm at her place right now. I didn't want to use the communal shower 'cause there was a group of girls in there and something about a thirty year old woman showering with a group of seventeen year olds just screams illegal to me. So Holly let me use hers. And since we have pretty much the same style she's letting me use her make-up. And now that I look fabulous again it's time to meet the brats. I thank Holly as I walk out the door and I have to run to get to the training room they're going to be in. I know I'm late, I can just tell. I rush in and they're lookin a little restless. And now they're all staring at me like I'm insane, oh yeah, the good first impression can't be going any better, can it?

"Ya know, there's this rule we have here that if a teacher is fifteen minutes late we get to leave without getting detention," one of them says. She's standing in the front, tall, blonde, preppy clothes. Cordelia's long lost sister. I'll have to give the Queen a call and tell her about it. Ha, I am one silly bitch. I look over at the wall near the door. Damn, that was pretty close. Luckily I still run like I used to. They all look disappointed, I can relate, I hated school so I dropped out. But I can't dwell on that, and I can't feel sorry for them. Feelings will just complicate things.

"And only three more minutes to go. That was pretty close, sorry to disappoint, but this is kinda important." Almost all of them roll their eyes. They better be careful because I'm not in the mood for their teenage bullshit. The sparing with Holly only calmed me down a little. I'm still wound pretty tight and with no release I'm going from antsy to bitchy pretty fast. "For those of you who don't know me my name's Faith. Yep, that's right little girls, I'm the Faith." I hold my arms out so they can get a good look. Some of 'em are lookin at me like they could care less, and some are in awe. Well, at least some of 'em care. "I'm not like Buffy Summers. She likes to give speeches. Long, boring, almost pointless speeches because no one ever really listens. I know what it's like to have to sit through one of her lectures, and trust me when I say I feel bad for you." I can tell most of 'em don't believe me but whatever. I walk over to the large stack of blue mats that are folded and stacked up by the wall. I pick up the ones that are on top and set them aside. I grab the one that's on the bottom because it's the biggest and I spread it out in the middle of the room and stand on the center of it.

"I want all of you to stand around the edge, and leave your purses and bags over there you won't need 'em." They drop their backpacks and the girly girls put down their purses. They all stand around the perimeter of the mats and look at me like I'm crazy. Time to get this show on the road. "Name of the game is 'pin me'. Rules are simple: if one of you holds me down on the mat for seven seconds you can all leave. There's no time limit, but each person will only get one match. So you can try and try until you give up and once you give up and stand or sit on the edge of the mat and wait. If none of you can pin me then…" I forgot to come up with a punishment on the way here. I only came up with the game about ten minutes ago.

"I'll come up with something in a little while. But if one of you does pin me then not only do you get to leave right after, but I'll take all of you out this weekend to have a little fun. See, this is called a reward system. You do your best and pass the assignment you get rewarded. You fail and you get punished. Now…. Oh, wait, almost forgot one of the most important things you need to do before you spar." I walk over to the bag that I brought with me. I put it down a long time ago. I take off my jacket and toss it to the ground. I open up the bag and pull out a boom box. I go through some of the CDs and pick out the perfect one. I put it in and turn on the stereo and turn around to face them. "You always wanna pick the right CD for the kind of workout you want. I know this one is going to be tough, so we want some music that's just full of anger and loudness." I press play and the music fills the room. I see some of the girls smile and start to lip along with the lyrics. Hmm, I wouldn't have picked them for Mudvayne fans they look way too prissy but whatever. "Now, who's first?" I don't have to raise my voice a lot because of slayer hearing. I walk back into the middle of the mat and slowly turn around in a circle, making eye contact with all of them, looking for any takers. I see one of the prissy girls take off her jacket and drop it next to her. She's my height, long curly hair that's put back in a ponytail, and dark eyes. This chick looks like a younger version of Halle Berry. She slowly steps onto the mat and we get into defensive positions. "What's your name?" We slowly start to circle each other.

"Jackie," she tells me and then lunges forward and tries to punch me in the face. I block with my left and punch her in the stomach with my right. I'm not holding anything back at all, never planned too. These kids don't need to be coddled like they have been. They don't train hard enough in my opinion. We're raising a bunch of little babies and the only way they're going to learn and loose their snobby attitude is if they're treated like they should be. Not like teenage girls but like slayers. It's time to take off the figurative gloves and really give them a workout. She lunges again, but it's easily diverted. Damn, what have they been teaching these girls. Alright, it's time to turn this into a lesson and not just an embarrassing beating. She comes at me again, this time throwing a fake punch and kicking me in my side. Good move, that actually hurt, but she's dropped her guard. I grab onto her ankle, spin her around, and grab onto her arms and hold them at her sides. She struggles against me, but I hold her tighter.

"Stay still for a minute." She fights against me for a second longer but then relaxes. I look around to the girls watching us and they're lookin a little pumped up. I can tell they want a piece of me. This is going to be so much fun. "Anyway know what she did wrong?" I have to raise my voice, I hope I didn't hurt her ear. She seems fine so whatever. I wait for one of them to raise their hands. They've all gathered to one side of the mat so they could get a better view of the action. Not really what I asked them to do but whatever, at least they're still here. They're either shy or they really don't know and that's a concern. What are they teaching these girls here?

"She didn't back up quick enough. You're supposed to get in, make your move, and then get out as quick as possible. The only time you ever stay in their reach is if they're stunned by the move, and you weren't." I don't know the girls name but she's right. It's Cordy's little sis who spoke. I'm gonna have to come up with a shorter nickname for her. Oh well, I'll do that later. I nod my head yes and loosen my grip on Jackie's arms but I don't let her go.

"That's right. Looks like they are teachin you guys some useful stuff after all. And never get cocky, that's a lesson I had to learn personally." I lower my voice and get really close to her ear. "Because if I were a vamp you'd already be dead." To play up my point I gently nip the side of her neck. She shivers and tenses up. Before I can let her go she stomps on the top of my foot and I yell out in pain. She rips her arms from my grasp and elbows me in the gut and it knocks the wind outta me. I bend forward and try to catch my breath. She knees me in the face and I fall backwards. But this is all temporary 'cause when she comes at me again I punch her in the face and kick her in the gut with the bottom of my foot and she goes flying backwards. Good thing the others are all gathered to our right or else she would've knocked a few of 'em down. And she's down for the count. Well, that was pretty quick. Then again…I think I…yeah, I cracked one of her ribs. Well, now she'll learn. I let her leave to go get checked out but the others have to stay here. It takes a couple of hours but I get through them all, and none of them pinned me. I was kinda hopin they would. And now it's time for them to go back to their rooms. What a shame, I was havin so much fun.

BPOV

Faith left a little while ago. She wants to talk with Giles about something, I asked her about it but she's being vague. I hate it when she keeps things from me but I guess I deserve it. It's not like I was completely honest with her in December before I first came here, and I downplayed the thing with Holly a lot. I didn't make it sound as bad as it was. But what was I supposed to say, that I enjoyed another woman's touch? No, Faith would have flipped out. But all that's in the past, I'm going to leave it there and focus on right now. And right now I need to dig through this bag and try to find the clothes I'm looking for. Since Faith is extra frisky I think I'll do a little something special. She likes it when I wear special outfits just for her, and since she's going to be gone all day, working really hard with training, I though I'd dress up like one of those old fashioned housewives. I'm even going to make dinner for her. Now, I don't now exactly when she'll be back so I figured if it's done by six then it'll be safe because she won't be back before that and if she's a little late then it can be heated up in the microwave.

I've already picked out the shoes, the jewelry, the lingerie and I've decided how I'm going to wear my hair. It won't take me too long to get ready. If I can find my dress in time that is. Aw, here it is. Perfect, I'll just lay it out on the bed with the rest of the stuff so I won't have to find it again. Everything is going to go perfect, it has to. I'm taking Matthew to the indoor obstacle course so he can burn off his energy so he'll be nice and tired tonight. Addison has been quiet and is getting into a sleepy schedule like the one at home. She's now sleeping for at least two hours, which is good. I know she isn't going to be sleeping all through the night for another couple of months but maybe for tonight she'll sleep longer then she normally does. I don't want to rush tonight, I plan on sitting on the couch with Faith and just cuddling and talking and kissing a little and when we're both really worked up we'll take things into the bedroom.

Matthew has been in a bad mood all day long. He was really quiet at breakfast and when I asked him what was wrong he snapped at me and said nothing, but it was said in a very rude tone. He normally doesn't act like this. I guess he just wants to go home. I get that, I really do. I hated Sunnydale at first, but I got used to it, and I ended up liking it after a while. Ok so I hated the hellmouth part of it but I think everyone did. It'll take him a while to get used to this. But I think once he starts school and makes some friends then he'll warm up to it. And I'm starting to debate whether I want to go back to Shasta Lake or not. It's nice there, not a lot of crime, the schools are alright, but we can't just live for our kids. Faith and I have to be satisfied too. In all honesty I think I've been a little lost lately. And I think it has to do with the slaying. I think I've been overcompensating with other things to make up for the lack of slayage. I think I need to take a break, just a couple of days by myself to get perspective on things. But I don't want to leave Faith along with all of this. That's way too much to ask. I'll talk to her about it later. I can't shut her out about this or things will build and that's never good. I don't have a very good track record with repressed feelings.

Argh! That stupid dog is barking again! I swear if he doesn't shut up I'm going to lock him in the tool shed not too far from here. I think he can feel the evil too and it's driving him a little stir crazy. Completely understandable but it's so annoying! How come a stupid dog can feel the hellmouth but I can't? Ok, I'm being stupid. I know that all animals are extra sensitive to evil and being able to read people and all of that other stuff. Oh, there's knocking on the door now. That must be Xander. I asked him to come over and watch Addison while I take Matthew out. It's still too cold to take her outside even for a second. I go out to the living room and the dog at the door barking and growling like he's going to rip the person on the other side apart. He's never acted like that before.

"Hold on! I'll be out in a second!" I grab Tucker by the collar and put him in his crate in the corner of the room on the far end of the couch. He's still barking and growling, and now he's scratching at the wire door and pressing on it with his paws. I hope he doesn't go all crazy like those German Shepherds in that movie 'Signs' because if he even looks at my kids the wrong way I will put him down. I open the front door and it isn't Xander, it's Angel. Ok, and why is he here? At noon no less. Well the overcast sky does offer the perfect covering so he can come out during the day. I wonder if that's a problem around here, if the slayers have to work extra hard to keep the vampire population under control. I'll have to ask. "Angel? What are you doing here?" He looks fine, gained a little weight, but otherwise ok. So, why is he here? He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small box that's wrapped in pink paper and topped with a pink bow. What the fuck?

"This was the only time I could come, and I figured you and Faith would…be a little busy. It's an early birthday present." Holy shit, my birthday is in…three days! I'm going to be thirty-two. And Faith's birthday is on the twenty-fifth! What am I going to get her? Are we going to do something special? I think we should. We should have some time to ourselves because of all this craziness. I reach out and take the box from him and before I can say anything he interrupts me. I hate it when he does that. "I'm sorry but I have to go. Giles doesn't me here for very long. I think I've already overstayed my welcome." He's right, a vampire, even with a soul, isn't safe here. Some girl might get panicky and stake him out of fear and instinct.

"Thank you Angel, that's so sweet. I would ask you to come inside but Faith would probably kill me." I hear Tucker's barking intensify and he's trying so hard to get out that the cage is banging against the wall and the couch. "And the dog is going insane. You better go before he gets out." I give him a hug and then he leaves. I wonder how he got here. Probably by his jet or something. Hmm, well that was a nice little surprise visit, even if it was only a few minutes long. I sigh and close the door. Tucker is still growling but he's calmed down a lot now that Angel's gone. There's another knock on the door. That must be Xander. "Tucker shut up." I really wish he'd shut up for a few minutes. Just five minutes of peace, is that too much to ask? "Hi Xander. How've you been?" I give him a big hug that he reciprocates.

"All is good here. I'm going home next week. Miranda's birthday is on the twenty-ninth." His little girl is turning one. That's really nice. She's such a little cutie pie. We go into the house and sit down on the couch. "Why do you have Tucker locked up? I thought Faith was strongly against leaving animals in cages." I put my gift on the end table and look over at the dog who's now whiny and looking pathetic. Yeah now he's nice and calm. I get up and let him out and he runs right over to Xander who pets him on the head and talks to him. Xander can be such a big kid sometimes. The little boy in him is still very much alive.

"She is but he's been barking all day and Angel stopped by a minute ago and Tucker was freaking out. If I didn't lock him up he would have hurt someone. Thank you for watching Addison. I really need to get Matthew out and burn off his energy. We're all getting a little stir crazy." He nods his head and keeps petting the dog. I can tell he misses his wife and his daughter. Katie didn't want to move all the way out here and Xander isn't going to be here for very long. He's leaving next week and most likely won't be coming back. The only ones Giles wants here is Faith and me. Willow is still gone, Giles is trying to track her down but she's magically blocking herself. "Addison's been a little fussy lately. She's sleeping now but she'll probably wake up in a little while. If she's hungry just feed her until she doesn't want anymore and-"

"Buff, I do have a daughter too, I know how to take care of them. Now I'm not saying I'm the perfect parent but I'll manage." I smile at him and then walk down the hall. I knock on Matthew's bedroom door before I open it up. We want to teach him to start doing that since we don't want him walking into our bedroom without warning. He could see something that'll scar him. He's at the age now where he'll remember something that shocking enough for the rest of his life. Then again his mind could repress it as a defense. You never know. Anyway, I walk in and he's tying his shoes. He already has his jacket on and don't worry he got dressed earlier this morning.

"You ready to go?" He looks up and says 'yep'. "Ok, I'll be ready in a minute. Uncle Xander's here, why don't you go say hi to him?" He knows it's not a question or a request. He sighs and rolls his eyes. I roll mine too just to mess with him a little. He doesn't say anything, which is strange. Normally he'll say something like 'stop copying me' but today I get a cold silence. I'll try talking to him when we get to the training room. He usually opens up more when he's doing something enjoyable. He's more willing to talk then. If I were to ask him what's wrong right now he'd most likely remain silent and if I keep asking he'll lose his temper. He definitely takes after Faith, that's for sure. So instead I go into my bedroom and over to the little sleeping bundle and I look at her. She looks so peaceful, just lying there sleeping the day away. She's so tiny, so defenseless. I wonder what it's like to be like that. I can remember what it's like, when Giles took my powers away. Maybe defenseless isn't the right word.

Protected, that's it. I want to know what it feels like to be protected. To have everyone around you go out of their way to make sure that nothing bad will happen to you. That nothing dangerous comes anywhere near you. There is a major downside to that: no privacy what so ever. When you have a kid your privacy goes way down but at least I can get out and slay a couple nights a week. Sure I slay with Faith so I'm not all alone but it's still freeing and our own thing. When we slay together, it's like we're in our own little world. It's gotten to the point where we know what we're going to do before we do it. But it's always been like that. We're so in tune with each other, it's almost creepy. I wonder what she's doing right now. She said that after the chat with Giles she was going to wander around the school, see how much has changed stuff like that. But it won't take her too long to do that. She'll probably get bored. I'm sure she'll find something to do, she always does. I lean over the basinet and smile at my little girl.

"I'll be back later, baby girl. Be good for your uncle Xander. I love you." I give her a little kiss on the lips and she wiggles around a little but she doesn't wake up. I give her one more kiss on the forehead and then I leave the room and slowly shut the door behind me. When I walk out into the living room I see Xander sitting on the couch and Matthew sitting in the middle of the living room floor, Tucker is lying next to him and Matthew is slowly petting him on the back. I know that Matthew doesn't like Xander but he never ignores him like he is now. And it's so obvious that he's ignoring him, his back is turned to Xander and the television is off so there's no other reason for him to sit like that. I really want to know why Matthew doesn't get along with Xander. He isn't afraid of Xander and I know that Xander would never hurt my son because he knows I'd have to kill him. So what? Oh well, I'll think about it later. We need to get going.

"Ok, Xander we'll be back later. I'm not too sure when, maybe a couple hours. Definitely before dark." Matthew stands up and Tucker follows him to the door. Matthew starts going through the box that's on the left side of the door and he pulls out Tucker's leash. I'm not going to tell him no because that'll just make him whiney. And Giles just said that he doesn't want Tucker wandering around the school causing destruction and ciaos. He never said anything about taking him out on a leash. So, we're off. Matthew can walk Tucker, with all that slayer strength there's no way this dog can pull him down. We usually don't let him because our neighbors always looked at us weird and would yell out that if a cat runs in front of us we'll be sorry for not walking the dog ourselves. I know we shouldn't let other people run our lives and we should just ignore them, but after a while it gets so irritating you'll do almost anything just to shut them up.

"Mom, let's build a snowman!" he yells as he and Tucker run off the path and into the snow covered lawn. I hate it when he runs off like that. But he's safe here so I guess I can relax a little. There's no way something evil will ever come here, and the only people who are allowed on the grounds are the students, the other slayers, the faculty and the scoobies. Yup, he's the safest he'll ever be right here. Wait…who's that walking towards us? It looks like….yep, it's Holly. God, I was really hoping she'd stay the hell away from me. I'm pretty sure Giles and Xander and possibly some of the staff members warned everyone to stay away from me and Faith while we get settled because there have been no visitors, except for Angel. I was expecting Sissy and the other girls to come over and see how we're doing and to see the baby. I was sure she'd be a big hit here, but I guess they've all been scared away. Which is good because I'm sure that if someone came to visit us Faith would have knocked them out. She doesn't like it when people gawk at our kids.

"Hi Buffy. Thought I'd stop by and see if you guys are getting all nice and settled in." Yeah right. I bet you she came over because she knows Faith is gone. Ok, Buffy, don't get conceded. This is not the time to be thinking that everyone wants you. But I can tell she still does by the look in her eyes. Well, not so much the look but at the fact that she's eyeing me up and down like I'm a gazelle and she's a starving lion. "So, are you nice and settled?" I nod my head and start to make my over to Matthew. Why did he run so far out?

"Yeah. I mean, it's an adjustment and we're still getting used to it. Faith still isn't happy about coming here. You know Faith, right? The woman I'm engaged to?" And I hold up my left hand so she can see my ring. God I love this ring. It's so beautiful. And she picked it out just for me so that makes it really special. "Yep, been together for eight years and still going strong. We're getting married soon too. At this really nice garden in southern California. It's going to be a small wedding, only really close family and friends are going." And that doesn't include you, Holly. What kind of stupid name is that anyway? Holly, jeez what a dumb name. I'm being immature, I can admit it. "So you might want to be a little careful because Faith gets super jealous." I think I sparked her interest because she's looking at me a little intently. Um, what the hell?

"Really? She gets 'super jealous'?" Her point? "Are you sure you want to marry someone that controlling? Sure things seem fine now but soon she'll be telling you who you can and can't hang out with, or when you can and can't go patrolling. Are you sure she's the kind of woman you want to raise your children with? I mean, those kind of people tend to get a little violent over time, and her past isn't the best." Ok, that's it she's going down. Before she has time to react I punch her square in the jaw. Who does this bitch think she is? I didn't punch her very hard because Matthew's watching and I don't want to set a bad example. Although I think I just did. She shakes her head a little and rubs her jaw and then she lets out a little laugh. "I'm sorry, I just worry." Whatever. I grab onto the sleeve of her jacket and turn her so she's facing me.

"Don't you ever talk about Faith like that again. She gets jealous, but so do I, everyone gets a little jealous when they see the person they're dating talking with someone else, especially someone they don't know. I should kick your ass for implying that she'd ever hurt me or our children. I'll let you go because my son is watching but if you ever come near any of us again, if I even see you walking in this direction I will hurt you badly. You understand?" She nods her head yes and I let go of her arm. I walk away from her but she doesn't move. I really wish she'd just leave. Matthew's looking at me with a lot of confusion and concern. So I try to put him at ease by putting up a big fake smile. "Hey, baby, why don't we start building that snowman?" I really wish he won't ask who Holly is but I know he's going to. "Let's see if we can make it taller then me." I sound really enthused but I'd rather be back in bed.

"Who was that Mom?" Ok I don't know what this 'mom' business is all about. I don't know when he started calling me that but it's getting a little irritating. I want to be his mommy. Mom just makes me sound really old. And he's only six, he won't be seven until July. Should he still be calling me mommy? I think he should. This whole maturity thing and wanting to 'act like a big boy' is getting on my nerves a little. He's my little baby boy. He should be calling me mommy and running to me when he gets scared and wanting me to kiss his booboos. But no. Now whenever he falls down and scrapes his knee he just wipes it off and keeps on playing. I don't know about the whole getting scared thing. He used to come into our bedroom at night and wake me up every time he had a nightmare and he either isn't having them anymore or he calms himself down and then goes back to sleep. "Mom?" And he's still all about Faith. I know I was gone for a long time but I wasn't gone for that long! He's always wanted to be around her more then me. "Mom?" Maybe Willow's right, maybe I'm looking too much into this. "Mom!" God, what is he yelling at me for?

"What Matthew?" I look down and he's lying down in the snow. Aw, he made a snow angel. That's so sweet. "That's great Matthew. You did a really good job." Wait. Something's missing. There was something else here when I walked up and now it's gone. What is it? Oh shit. Giles is going to kill me. "Matthew, where's Tucker?" He sits up and looks around. I don't see that stupid dog anywhere. How did he run off without me seeing him? This is insane. I'm a slayer for God sakes. I should at least be able to keep track of a dumb dog. Wait, I'm so stupid. We're standing in snow. That means there'll be footprints. I can be so blonde sometimes. Maybe I should let my hair grow out or something, maybe then I won't be so ditsy anymore. Ok, I see the footprints. I grab onto Matthew's hand and help him stand up. "Look, he left tracks. We'll just follow them and they'll lead us right to him. Ok?" He nods his head and then starts to call out the dog's name at the top of his lungs. Jeez this kid sure can yell. "No, no. We don't want anyone to know he's missing. If grandpa Giles finds out that Tucker is loose and causing problems then Tucker will have to stay in the backyard, and we don't want that now do we?" He shakes his head no.

"That would be bad because if Mama doesn't walk Tucker enough then he gets hyper and breaks things and you get mad at him and yell a lot." Yeah, thanks for the compliment, that really makes me feel great inside. I swear no one can make you feel bad about yourself like a little kid. For example, it was a couple years ago, he was four, I think. I woke up alone that morning, and Faith was gone. On her pillow was a note telling me to dress formal because she had reserved us a table at…I can't remember the name but I know that it was a Chinese restaurant. Anyway, it said to be there at eight and she would be gone all day, and that Kennedy was going to come over and watch Matthew for us. So I started to get ready at around five thirty, it would take me at least half an hour to get to the place. So I was all ready, dressed and make-up was on, my hair was done really nice and I asked Matthew how I looked and he reply was: 'Ok. But I thought Mama said to wear somethin nice?' Isn't that horrible? But he's just a little kid and he doesn't know about tact. It's annoying, it reminds of how Anya used to be.

Oh great, the damn dog ran into the woods. I hate going into the forest, it's really creepy. I know I'm a slayer but still, forests always give me the wiggins. I can hear him barking so he isn't too far away, and we can always follow our footprints back so it's not like we're going to get lost or anything. I grip onto Matthew's hand a little tighter. I know that we're safe here. It's not like we're going to go in there and get jumped by a group of vampires or demons, but I still worry. There are demons that have the ability to cloak themselves, so one could sneak into here. It hasn't happened yet, but you never know. Ok, I'm just freaking myself out. Nothing is going to happen. Tucker probably treed a squirrel or something and we're going to go in there and get him and then we'll go to the training room. And these woods aren't even that creepy. The trees are spaced kind of far apart so it's not like I have to climb over fallen braches, or squeeze my way through. This day just isn't turning out the way I planned. I really hope things so smoothly after I get this stupid dog back because I don't know how much more I can take.

FPOV

So training with the runts went pretty good if you ask me. I think we all learned and grew. Although lookin back on it now I think I went a little too hard on them. Hmm…nah. They deserved it. And tomorrow when they really feel that fight I highly doubt any of 'em will be given me any lip. Now it's time to go home to the little misses. And I know that we're not a stereotypical family by far but I really hope she has dinner ready and waitin for me 'cause I'm hungry enough to eat a cow.

So I'm walking down the path that leads from the school to my new, temporary, house and I don't have to walk through the snow. It looks like G-man got some poor janitor or junior slayer to come out here and shovel the pathway. Man I'm not jealous of them. I'd probably kill before doin that. That was just a figure of speech. I'd never kill another human again. The only reason I'd ever kill a person is if they're trying to physically hurt my family. Ok, so yeah, I'd kill again but I'd be saving my family doing it.

I'm standin about thirty feet away from the house. This afternoon while I was beatin the brats it snowed a little more and the roof is covered in about four inches of it. It's even on the windowpane. It looks really pretty, especially with glow from the lights inside. And B must've lit the fireplace because there's smoke comin out of the chimney. I'm glad she didn't burn the place down. This looks like something right out of a Christmas card. Wait, what was that noise? Did something just break? Must have because Buffy just yelled out Mattie's name. And now they're fighting, lovely. As I get closer I can hear the words and not just the angry voices.

"No!" That would be Mattie. Damn that kid has a set of lungs on him. "I want to go home!" I was hopin we'd avoid this fight for at least another week. Great, and B locked the door. Now I have to dig through my bag and find my keys. We live on a facility with almost three hundred slayers, why'd she lock the door?

"I want to go home too. But we have to stay here. I told your grandpa Giles that I'd help him. We can't go home yet." Yeah right, like that's going to work. I have to give her credit though. Usually when Mattie yells at her she yells right back. But she's stayin pretty calm.

"I don't care!" God, where are my keys! I need to get in there before something really bad happens. "I hate it here! I want to go home!" I really hope she doesn't start yelling because that'll just make things so much worst.

"Well too bad." Ok, so no yelling but her voice is raised, understandable. "We all have to stay here, Matthew. You, me, your sister, and your mama." Hey, why am I mentioned last? Ok, so off topic. Where are those keys? Oh! Found 'em. Now which one goes to the front door? Why do I have so many fucking keys! "It isn't so bad here. You start at your new school next week, and you can train with the girls if you still want to." He's passed the point of positive thinking, she should know that by now. Oh! I remember what key it is. Now all I gotta do is stick it in the lock and turn it…vualah! The door is now unlocked.

"This place is stupid! The girls are stupid! I hate it and I hate you!" Damn, that was harsh. But before I can say anything he's already in his bedroom and he just slammed the door hard enough to make the living room windows shake. And great, now Addy's crying. Oh man, if only you guys could see the look on B's face. Its anger, pain, sadness, rejection and betrayal all rolled into one and tied together with a shiny red bow. And she's just standing there staring at where Mattie was standing a few seconds ago. She's tense, wicked tense, and tears are at the corners of her eyes. I set my bag down and walk up to her. She looks over and sees me and quickly wipes the tears away. Please don't get prideful now.

"I'm fine." Liar. But I'm not going to push the issue. I take a good look at her, and not just at her facial expression but at what she's wearing. A dress that has a poofy skirt, an apron, heeled orange shoes that perfectly match the color of the dress, a pearl necklace, her hair is up in a bun, and she's wearing a bracelet that matches the necklace. She wanted to play tonight. She dressed up like a 1950's housewife and I'm supposed to be the husband comin home from work. "I made dinner, but I guess it's ruined now." She's right, whatever she was cooking is burned beyond all reason. She walked into the kitchen and shuts off the stove. She grabs the skillet and then slams it into the sink. She grabs two small pots that are on the back burners and slams them in the sink too. She sighs and looks towards the hall, the baby is still crying. "I'll take care of Addison." Not in this mood you're not.

"Don't worry, I'll get her. You just stay out here and relax, alright?" I cup her right cheek and give her a small kiss on her left one and then walk into our bedroom where little miss screams-a-lot is currently screamin her head off. This volume goes way beyond me and B. It's official, I hate to admit it but Addy takes after Dawn. There's no other explanation. Only Dawn can reach this pitch and I think my ears are bleeding. I pick her up and hold her really close to me and gently bounce around. "Shh Addy. Come on baby girl, quiet down. Please stop cryin. You're ok now. Shh. It's alright baby." I pick up the binkie that's lying in the basinet and gently put it in her mouth. And finally near silence. The only sounds comin from her is the occasional snort and the little sucking sounds. Damn she's so cute. I give her a little kiss right between her eyes and she furrows her eyebrows. She sure does frown a lot for a little kid. "I'll kiss you if I want to, ya little brat." I start placin little kisses all over her face and like the little brat she already is she starts cryin. "Alright, I'll stop if it bothers you that much." Buffy walks in the room and she's still in a really shitty mood.

"Just leave her alone, let her go back to sleep." Who does she think she is telling me something like that? I know she's pissed, she probably had a really rough day watchin the kids while they're both a little crabby but she doesn't have to take it out on me. She walks up to me and turns around. "Unzip me please." This is said with lots of anger. I hate it when she's in a bad mood. It always brings everyone else down. I use one arm to hold Addy and my free hand to unzip her dress. It ends halfway down her back and then she steps away from me and she lets the dress fall off her and I gulp. She's wearin her sexy lingerie. Silk bra and matching thong, both dark green. Damn, why does she have to be in a bad mood?

"Let's go slaying, B. I spared with an intern while I was waitin for the juniors' classes to end, she told me where all the good cemeteries are. After we can go to that club you went to before. Xander'll watch the kids, you know he won't say no. And if he does we can always get one of the inters to watch 'em." Sounds like a good plan to me. But I don't think she agrees. She lets her hair down and then takes off the underwear. She tosses all of the clothes into the hamper and walks over to the dresser. I hate it when she ignores me. "B?" She sighs and slips into some cotton panties. If I had to guess I'd say they're the ones with the cartoon cat wearin a red thong and matching bra with the words 'sexy kitten' underneath it. The panties themselves are pink.

"I want to go slaying by myself tonight. I need to get this anger out and if you go with me I'll just be bitchy." She has a point but it still isn't a good idea. We don't know the area very well and these vamps are going to be a challenge. We shouldn't patrol by ourselves for at least a couple of weeks.

"Not a good idea, B. You could get jumped by a group and these vamps aren't pansies like in Shasta Lake. We should stick together for a couple of weeks until we get familiar with this city. Let's go together ok?" She pulls on some jeans and then goes over to the closet. During my little speech she put on a sky blue bra. Now she's lookin for a shirt to wear. After about ten seconds she gets pissed 'cause she can't find one she wants. I think she's just really frustrated. She slams the door closed and Addy starts cryin again. Dammit Buffy!

"Nevermind I don't want to go anymore. I'm going to bed." It only takes a couple of seconds to calm Addy down and she passes out again. "But you go since you're so worked up. You should get that energy out 'cause I'm not in the mood right now." She's tryin to make me mad, somehow I just know she's trying to start something.

"Come on Buffy, you need to get your anger out before you have a heart attack or something." She turns around wearin nothing more then her 'sexy kitten' underwear and her sky blue bra. Fuck she's sexy when she's pissed. I could slam her up against the wall and fuck her hard and fast. Maybe even bring out the strap on. Yeah, I brought that. It was a Christmas present did you want me to just leave it behind?

"And why would I have a heart attack, Faith? Because I'm just so fucking old?" See, I told you she's lookin for a fight. "You're only two years younger then me, and you've smoked ever since you went to prison and almost half a pack a day since you got out. So if one of us was going to have a heart attack anytime soon if would be you not me." I've had enough of this shit. I'm not going to play her little game.

"That's not what I meant and you fucking know it. Stop trying to start shit with me because you're in a bad mood. I just wanted to go out and let you get out all that anger and watch your back 'cause the vamps here put up a good fight." I sigh and put Addy in the basinet. I'm surprised she hasn't woken up. "And I thought it would be nice to go clubbin afterwards. We haven't been out together in a while." She pulls on a pajama shirt and buttons it up. It's light blue with little butterflies all over it. What is she, five?

"You just wanted to get drunk and then get laid, the least you could do is be honest about it. And since when have you been cautious? Normally you don't care where you slay or who's with you as long as you get fucked afterwards." Ok, that went a little too far. She slips into the pajama bottoms and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Fuck you. I haven't been like that for years. I know everyone else thinks I can't but I thought you did. Guess I was fuckin wrong. Seems like no matter how hard I try I'm still a slut and a lunatic and an alcoholic. You still think you're better then everyone else. You still act like you don't make mistakes." I'm getting pretty pissed off now. I know I should leave the room, give her some time to cool off but I'm so pissed I just want to scream at her.

"Screw you, Faith. I don't think like that. I never have. I make mistakes like everyone else at least I can admit it. Unlike you who represses everything until it builds and builds and you finally snap and do something stupid." Our voices are loud now. I wouldn't be surprised if the people in the school can hear us.

"'Cause fucking a soulless vampire is a really smart way to get out your emotions." Ok I admit that was a low blow but whatever. She's so pissed that a vein in her forehead is starting to throb. This is not going to end well. Oh well, she started it.

"Fuck you! At least I didn't spread my legs for half of Sunnydale you fucking whore!" I so did not. I did not sleep with that many people. I slept with…maybe fifteen but no more then that. I just talked it up to sound cool. I know that sounds dumb now but whatever.

"No you just spread 'em for the undead. We're supposed to fight vampires not fuck 'em. And me gettin bouncy with a few boys never hurt anyone. Unlike the big mistake that was you fucking Angel!" Low blow! Didn't mean to say that! Oh fuck! Ouch! She just threw her hairbrush at me. Ow! And a fuckin bottle of perfume. Fuck, she's reaching for a picture frame.

"Get out! Get the fuck out!" She grabs me by the arm and shoves me towards the door. I don't even try to fight it. I stagger down the hall with her pushin me and kickin me in the entire way. "Get out! Get your fucking ass out! You fucking bitch, get out!" She pushes me hard against the door. She pulls me back and slams the door open. I turn around to face her. "Get out, get the fuck away from me you fucking bitch!"

"Buffy, please, I'm sorry I didn't-" She punches me hard in the face and I stagger backwards out the door and trip on the step and fall to the ground. I see her throw something and it lands about ten feet away from me. I hear something break and I cringe. She threw my bag, the one with my boom box in it. "Baby, I'm sorry." She throws my jacket at me and it lands on my head, covering my face. I pull it down and look at her.

"Don't you dare come back!" She slams the door and locks it. I could just unlock it 'cause the key is in my bag but I really don't feel like getting my ass kicked tonight. I stand up and brush myself off. I put on my jacket and walk over to my bag. Yep, the boom box is dead, there's no reviving it. I pull out all the pieces and leave 'em on the ground. Dammit! She broke my Seether CD. I'll just take what I need instead of fishing through the damage. I grab my stake, keys and my wallet and stuff them in my jacket pockets. Looks like I'll be goin to Benny's Tavern a little earlier then I planned.

I leave the grounds at the same time as a small group of students. Three seniors I think. I really don't want to ask a couple a punk kids directions to a bar but whatever. I don't really care at this point. They're lookin at me a little strange. Probably because the bruise I have on my face compliments of Buffy.

Any of you know where Market Avenue is?" We all stop walking and they catch eye with each other silently askin. The one with the dark hair, camo pants and a black shirt speaks. She must be the leader of the group or something 'cause the other two are kind of flanking her.

"Downtown." That's all she says. I sigh and shift my weight from one foot to the other. I really need to hit something. Army Girl's face looks pretty inviting. But I can't just go around hitting students, I'd be settin a bad example. And I don't think I'd be able to win a fight against three seniors. They're pretty good when it comes to the fighting. So if I hit and they hit back it'll hurt.

"No shit wise ass. How do I get there?" She gives me the directions but then says it'll be easier if they walk me there. Do I look like a little kid? I don't need someone to hold my hand to cross the street, never have. "Thanks anyway, I'll find it on my own." As I walk away I can hear them whispering with each other and one of Army Girl's friends decides to be dumb.

"Did you really sleep with half of Sunnydale?" What the fuck did she just say? I stop dead in my tracks and slowly turn around. She looks a little uneasy. Good, I'm glad she's afraid of me. "You two were screaming pretty loud. The entire senior house heard you. So, is it true?" I walk up to her and step into her personal space and look her dead in the eyes. I send out a silent challenge but she's smarter then she looks 'cause she breaks the eye contact.

"Little tip, next time you hear me arugin with someone don't fuckin bring it up around me. Unless you want all your teeth knocked out." I turn around and walk away. See, I have self-control. The old me would've knocked the dumb ass out without a warning. I let the slayer of me take over a little and I start the hunt. I can feel the vampires out there, and it's almost like they're calling out to me. So I follow the call and I'm lead to a cemetery. I take in a deep breath and roll my shoulders. I start walkin like I own the place and it isn't long before I'm jumped.

He tried to come up behind me but I elbowed him in the face and h e staggered backwards. I turn around and get into a fighting stance. We circle each other and then he lunges. I block his punches and knee him in the stomach but she's strong and it has very little effect. He knees me in the ribs and punches me in the face. I stagger back and pull out my stake. I lunge at him this time, and let out all my wrath. I hit him three times in the face and some teeth full out of his mouth. I kick him in the stomach and he flies backwards. I run after him and jump on top. I pull my stake back and slam it into him with so much power that a little bit of my hand was inside him before he turned to dust.

Damn that felt great! But it isn't enough. I'm still pissed. Mostly at myself for the Angel comment. I shouldn't have said that. But why should I feel guilty? She's the one who started the fight in the first place. She just kept pushing she just couldn't shut the fuck up. She called me a whore, said the only things I want to do is slay and get drunk and fuck, and I'm the bitch because I said the truth? If she hadn't slept with Angel lots of bad stuff wouldn't have happened. I'm not the bitch for bringing that up. She's the bitch for starting the fight. Fuck I need a drink!

Oh, another vampire. I run up behind him and punch him in the back of the head, then kick him in the back of his knee and he falls down. I grab a fist full of his nasty feelin hair and pull him back so he can see me. I put my stake to his chest. He switches out of his game face and I cringe. This one looked much better with the bumps and the teeth, trust me on that.

"You know where Benny's Tavern is?" He nods he head a little bit. I pull on his hair and he winces. "So, start talkin." I put a little more pressure on his chest with the stake and he gets real nervous. But like those little annoying birds that come back in the spring, he starts singin. Not literally.

"It's downtown, on Market. You ah, walk that way." He points to his left. "Until you get to the road. And, ah, you-you turn right on the, ah th-third intersection. Walk straight for a little while and it's on the left side of the street, you can't miss it." Hmm, now why don't I fully believe him? I let go of his hair and grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him up. Damn he's a short motherfucker. He's only an inch taller then me. Oh well, it'll make this easier.

"Tell ya what, how 'bout you take me there and I won't kill you." He nods his head yes and I have a good grip on his as he leads me out of the cemetery. I keep an eye out and let all of my senses crawl in case a vamp decides to come up behind us. I feel some near by but I ignore it. We get to the road without any problems, which is good because I'm not in the mood right now.

The buildings are here are pretty mixed. There're businesses, apartments, and industrial stuff. Wonder why it's so mixed? Oh well, not my problem. It's takin forever to walk down this fuckin sidewalk. If we don't' get there and soon I might just kill this thing now and stop by a liquor store. Can't be too hard to find one of those. I'll just wander around, kill every demon and vamp that get in my way until I find a packie…I mean, liquor store, until I find a liquor store.

"So, why all the anger? Did you and your boyfriend get in a fight or something?" What the hell? Is he trying to start a conversation with me? "I was a therapist before I was turned, maybe I can help." Great, just what I need a washed up shrink fuckin with my head. "It can't hurt to talk about it. It's not like I'm gonna charge you." He laughs a little but I stay quiet. We just passed the first intersection, how long until we there? "You know you should-"

"Kill you and just walk the rest of the way by myself, but I'm not. I don't need to talk about anything, especially with a loser vampire." We keep walking and I start thinking about the fight. We were both so angry and we didn't even care that our daughter was five feet away from us, or that Mattie heard every word of it. I scream and slam the vampire up against the brink building. "I shouldn't be feeling guilty about this! She started the fight not me!" I pace in front of him. He stands up straight and straightens out his shirt.

"Who started the fight?" I keep pacing and I toss the stake from one hand to the other. "And what's your name?" What, he's going to shrink me now? Alright, if he wants to get inside my head I might as well let him. I'm going to kill him anyway. I know I said I'd let him go but whatever. He's a vampire, he's evil, and I kill evil.

"My name's Faith, and my asshole fiancé Buffy started the fight." That was mean but I don't care, I'm pissed at her. "Ok, so maybe I should've just let her go slaying by herself, but I worry about her, ya know? I mean, we're slayers yeah, but the vamps where we live aren't as strong as you guys." He looks a little prideful at that so I punch him in the face, nothin hard, just enough to get that smug grin off his lips.

"Ok, let's start at the beginning. What happened before the fight? Anything happen that could've put her in a negative frame of mind?" Well let's think about that. What happened when I got home? Oh, she had a fight with Mattie.

"When I got home from training she was arguing with our son. He wants to go home, back to California, but we can't leave yet. She tried to get him to see some of the good things of living here and he told her he hates her." Having your kid yell the words 'I hate you' at ya will put anyone in a 'negative frame of mind'.

"Alright, then what?" He leans against the wall and folds his arms across his chest. He's getting comfortable, that's good, it means he's not going to run away. I'd really hate to have to kill him before I'm done talking.

"Mattie, our son, stomped off to his room and slammed the door. The baby started crying so I went into my bedroom and calmed her down. I was talkin to her, like I always do and started kissin her face. Then B comes in the room and says somethin like 'just leave her alone, let her sleep'. I didn't say anything 'cause I knew she was pissed. So I suggested that we go slayin 'cause beatin the crap outta you guys always calms her down. She said she wanted to go alone but we haven't been here long and I didn't want her gettin lost. Then she said that the only reason I want to go slayin is to get laid afterwards." I scream again and punch the wall and some of the bricks crack. Fuck that hurt, but it felt so good.

"Is that true? Do you only slay to have sex after?" I am feelin a little better talkin about it. Too bad he doesn't have a soul. Maybe then I'd feel bad for havin to kill him.

"No, not always. Ok so sometimes I'll slay just because it makes me horny but that was only once or twice. I slay because it's what I was made for, it's in my blood and I like slayin with B 'cause I like spendin time with her." I see another vamp walkin towards us. I tense up and I know he can tell. Vampires are great at reading body language. He stops about three feet away from me and opens his mouth to talk. Before he gets a word out I stake him. He has this look of surprise on his face before he turns to dust. "And yeah maybe I shouldn't have brought up the Spike thing, but she's the one who said I repress everything." I pick up a rock and throw it as hard as I can. Ten seconds later I hear the sound of glass breakin and then fallin to the ground. Oops.

"I try my best, ya know. We got two little kids together and I don't' know what the fuck I'm doin half the time. It's not like I have some answer book or somethin. This is the first real relationship I've ever been in. So I screw up sometimes, so what? Like she's miss perfect. She destroyed a government operation for God sakes. I try to do what I think is right. I stick to the basics: keep her happy, keep her safe, be there for her, make her feel special, put up with her nagging. And I try. But sometimes it's just too much." I punch the wall again and my knuckles start to bleed. I look over at the vamp and he's just standing there. I guess he's trying to process all of this.

"And I ask her to marry me and she says yes. And we didn't set an exact date but we both wanted to wait a while. Then suddenly she changes her mind and wants to get married this spring. Of course I agreed, what was I supposed to do, just say no? And we're stuck out here until those runts get their acts together so it would make sense to wait. And why do I always have to leave? It's my house too, they're my kids too, if she has a problem she should fuckin leave!" I punch the wall again and my fist goes through some of brick. Ok, that hurt. I think I broke a bone. I do feel better though. Way better then if I had just gotten drunk. But that doesn't sound like a bad idea. "Come on, let's get outta here."


	17. The Before Time

Ok, so there's been a lot of drama in this story so I thought I'd write a little chapter about the years that I skipped over. The next chapter will pick up right where 'Anger Issues' left off. I hope you enjoy. And just a little trivia question: in the fourth POV does anyone know what movie Buffy is freaked out by? I'll give you a little hint, it's a 1977 remake directed by Alexandre Aja.

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Six Years Ago. FPOV

Today is such a great day. Before I was only this happy whenever B was around but things have changed my friend. Don't get me wrong I still love B, yeah love how weird does it feel to say that? But there's a new love in my life now. It was the cliché 'love at first sight' and as soon as I saw him I was head over heels.

"There's ten seconds left on the clock." I'm slowly building up the suspense. I think I'm doin a pretty good job. I'm standin at the foot of the bed and he's lying down on his back, a huge smile on that handsome face. "All the players run down the court. He stops at the three point line." I'm not so familiar with the terms but whatever. "He aims. He shoots. The ball hits the rim, but wait. It's in, he scores! And Mattie wins the championship and the crowd goes wild. Haaaaaaaaah" That's supposed to sound like a large roaring crowd. "Give it up for Mattie Lehane, the best player ever. Haaaaaaaaah." He lets out a laugh and starts kickin his legs. I smile wide and he laughs some more.

"You like that, huh, little man?" So I'm talkin baby talk, big deal. I don't have to fuckin impress you. The only thin I care about right now is him and makin him laugh 'cause it's adorable. "You're the most handsome little boy ever. Yeah, ya are. You're gonna have all the little girlies chasin after ya." I lean over and place some kisses on his droll covered mouth. He laughs some more but not why you think. "Ow!" Damn this kid is strong, I don't know how much more my scalp can take. "Ok Mattie, let go." He has a death grip on a large chunk of my hair. "Give Mama back her hair. Ow, ow, ow." He won't stop tugging, and he's laughing so hard I almost want to let him keep doin it. Almost. I grab onto his little wrist with one hand and pry apart his fingers with the other. I stand up quickly before he grabs onto some more.

He's five months old now, which is hard to believe. It seems like only yesterday we brought him home. Sure we had some trouble adjusting. We valued our sleep and he woke us up every two and half hours. But he's sleepin all through the night now, which is great. He'll wake up sometimes in the middle of the night but I think it's because he's still not used to sleepin in his crib. And even after we moved into our house things were difficult. I was havin a hard time givin up my freedom. Me and B used to go out every night slaying and clubbing afterwards. And suddenly I have to stay at home and change dirty diapers and help B with the housework. But I'm over that now.

"IIII'mmm gggonnnaaa getcha." He loves it when I drag out my words. He smiles and laughs and kicks his feet when I hold up my hands and wiggle my fingers. He knows what's comin. He's a really smart baby, takes after me. "I'm gonna getcha." He squeals and kicks his legs some more. "Gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha." And I tickle his chubby belly. He lets out this high-pitched squeal and then giggles really loud. "You like that huh? Yeah, you know you love it." He has the cutest dimples ever. I swear he should be in one of those baby commercials 'cause he is one handsome boy. "Ok, it's time to be serious." My tone has no effect on him and he keeps on laughing. I walk over to the dresser and open up the top drawer. We still haven't moved his clothes out of our room, we're lazy like that. I pull out four different things and put them on the bed. I pick up two and hold them out for him to see.

"Ok, what do you think about this?" I'm holding up a long sleeved red shirt that has a hood, and a pair of dark blue overalls. "Now I know overalls went out of style last year." I only know that because fashion is all Dawn talks about nowadays. "But I think the shirt makes up for it. Or we could go with this." I toss those aside and pick up the other two items. One is a long sleeved black shirt with a white stripe going across the chest and a pair of tan slacks. I couldn't believe they make slacks for babies but they do and I couldn't resist. "This one will have the babes flockin for sure." I wiggle my eyebrows and he laughs. This outfit it is.

"Ok Mattie, hold your foot still. Come on, kid, I gotta get your sock on and some time this morning would be nice." But he keeps on wiggling. He does it on purpose. He likes it when I get irritated. "Alright, hold still for another second. And…it's on. Alright now we just gotta get your shoes on. Let's see what would go best with those clothes the Vanz or the Converse?" Buffy went a little insane with the shoe shopping. I swear her favorite part about having a baby is shopping for someone who isn't old enough to have an opinion on what they wear. I think maybe I'll go with the Lugz instead. You gotta love black leather shoes. What I see when I turn around makes me stop breathing for a few seconds.

"Mattie, no!" Before I can do anything to stop it he pulls up with his arms and both of the socks are ripped off his feet. He looks at me and starts crackin up laughing and I can't help but smile. How can you stay mad at something so adorable? "Ok kid we need to hurry this up. We don't want to miss out do we?" He laughs a little more and it takes me five minutes to put his socks back on and then another seven minutes to get the shoes on and the laces tied. "Your mommy needs to learn a very important word: Velcro." I hold onto his wrists and lean down and give him a little kiss on the nose. I sit him up and put on his jacket, the one I bought him, not the embarrassment that Buffy bought. I grab the diaper bag, the stroller, my keys and my purse and we're outta here.

"Aw, he's just the cutest little thing ever." Yeah, I know it. We're at the mall right now. Mattie never fails to draw attention from the girls. Every Tuesday we come here and just browse around because Buffy always goes over to Willow's on Tuesdays so me and Mattie hit the mall and cruise for chicks. It isn't very hard. I take him into a store where a lot of girls go, I look through the clothes and make sure to put the stroller where one of the girls can see him. And because they're girls they always look because chicks love babies. And Mattie smiles whenever someone looks at him. And those dimples are a hook, line and sinker. Before I know it a honey will casually walk over and start talkin to us. I try to see how many phone numbers I can get in one day. Last week it was ten, I'm shooting for fifteen. "How old is he?" The blonde smiles at him and he giggles. He's such a little flirt.

"Five months old. He tries to crawl and gets so mad when he falls down that he'll scream. It's really funny to watch." She giggles and looks at me. Damn those are some bright blue eyes. She smiles this little bashful smile and lets some hair fall in front of her face. "I'm Faith." I say and hold out my hand. I will get that number. I just need six more and I'll have reached my goal. She lightly shakes my hand and says her name is Mandy. And she has some very soft hands. It's almost a shame that after today I'll never see her again. I get the phone numbers but I always throw them away. This is just a little game I like to play. I'd never actually cheat on Buffy.

"Ya know I have a little niece, she's almost six months. Maybe we could get together for a play-date with the kids." That number is as good as mine. "I baby sit a lot for my brother so I have plenty of toys and stuff over at my house, if you wanna get together." I smile at her and I make sure to flash the dimples. Chicks love the dimples. I can't help that they're so irresistible.

"That would be great. If I could just get your number then I can call you sometime and we can get together." I make sure to use her words 'cause you never know what's going to offend a girl. I start digging through my purse lookin for a pen. But it's all for show, I know exactly where the pen is. But I can't pull it out right away or she might think I get a lot of phone numbers. I hand her the pen along with a little slip of paper I tore off a receipt. Always keep receipts with you, they're perfect for writing phone numbers on. She's writing her name now, and takin her time. She wants it to look nice, she must really like me. She just finished writing the 'n' when I hear:

"Faith?" Oh shit, it's Buffy. "Baby, what are you doing here?" Isn't she supposed to be at Willow's? Dammit! I was so close. Ok Faith, bigger issues here. How are you going to explain to Buffy why another woman was giving you her phone number? I look at Mandy. She's stopped writing on the paper. She's looking at me with some confusion and just a tiny little bit of anger. Buffy walks up to us and stands next to me. She eyes Mandy suspiciously and Mandy glares just a little.

"Well I got a little restless so I thought I'd take Mattie shopping. You know how much he loves being pushed around big stores." Ok, so far so good. That lie was totally believable. I feel her tense up a little as she and Mandy eye each other. And here comes the claiming of the territory, a.k.a me. She reaches back with her left hand and puts it in my back pants pocket and gives my ass cheek a little squeeze. "And Mandy was just giving me her number so we could set up a play-date with Mattie and her niece." She smiles sweetly, oh so sweetly. I'm so going to get an earful in a little while.

"Oh you were?" She says this nicely and to Mandy not me. I really don't like where this is headed. Mandy isn't a slayer so if they get into a chick fight it won't be a sexy girly match where they roll around on the floor and their shirts get torn off. Nope, it'll be Buffy beating Mandy's face in. "That's cool. As long as it's just a play-date." Another squeeze of my ass cheek. I'm in so much trouble. I hope I don't have to sleep on the couch tonight. That would suck. "And you two wouldn't mind if I tagged along." She looks at me. "Right honey-bunny?" I hate it when she calls me that. She only does it to embarrass me in front of other people.

"Actually I don't think it's such a good idea." I have to give Mandy some credit. She's staying calm even though B is totally challenging her. "My niece is just getting over the chicken pox so she won't feel like playing any time soon." Good save. Now maybe we can all get out of here without a screaming match breaking out.

"Oh really? Are you sure it isn't because you wanted to fuck my girlfriend?" Again with the sweet voice. All I can do is keep my mouth shut. I'm in the doghouse enough as it is. If I want to walk into my home today I'll stay quiet until things start to get violent. If they get violent I'll have to break it up, if only to avoid a lawsuit. Plus I like coming into this store, and I don't want to be banished because Buffy gets jealous.

"Honestly?" Oh God, no. Please. Don't say it. Please don't say it. "She gave no indication that she's seeing someone. In fact." My face pales. Please no! "She asked for my number, I didn't offer. I'm sorry for the mix up." They both glare at me and I look away. Who are these people? What are they talking about? Ok, I'll admit it I'm not good at playing dumb. "Bye Faith." She hands me back my pen but crumbles the paper up and drops it on the floor and stomps off. And I'm left standing here with Buffy glaring at me, and griping my ass cheek so hard I think there's gonna be a bruise. Fuck, I'm in trouble.

BPOV

I cannot believe Faith was using our son to get girls' phone numbers. How messed up is that? Te be honest I've known about it for a while. She's not as sly as she likes to think. So why did I choose today to ruin her fun? Because I was bored and wanted a little fun of my own. I didn't go to Willow's house like I said. She and Kennedy are spending some quality time together. So I went to the mall and waited for Faith. I followed her around for about an hour and a half. She's really good at the game she plays, but I know it's mostly Matthew. Little boy is too cute for his own good. But she's paying for it now.

"Harder Faith. Yeah, that's perfect. Mmmm, a little lower. God, that feels so good." Get your mind out of the gutter she's giving me a foot massage. Faith gives the best massages. She has very talented hands. I think she missed her calling. All I have to do is keep pretending to be mad at her and who knows, maybe she'll buy me jewelry.

"You like that B? 'Cause I could move this massage much further north and it'd feel a whole lot better." She's not getting into my pants and I know that's what she's thinking. She enjoys getting me off and this is about her pampering me to 'get out of the dog house' not getting pleasure out of touching me in naughty places. But hey, let's fuck with her a little.

"Ok." Her face lights up and before she can make her move I roll over onto my stomach. I can almost hear her smile fade. "There's a spot on my back that feels kinda tight." That's all I have to say. No 'please baby' or 'I'll make it up to you'. Because this isn't about her doing something for something else in return. This is about milking her for all she's worth. She practically sits on my ass and she uses those magic fingers to work over my back. Let's fuck with her a little more, shall we? "Oh God, Faith that feels so good baby," I practically purr. I let out a long moan. I'm turning her on. I can feel her heat on my ass. This is easier then I thought it'd be. "Oh baby, oh God. A little harder baby." I start breathing harder and I moan again. She adds more pressure and I start grinding my hips against the bed, which is kind of hard to do when you have a hundred pounds sitting on you.

"B, are you sure you don't wanna? You're getting pretty worked up." I'm not really but she doesn't know that. I pretend not to hear her and I keep on moaning. I grind my ass against her and now she's on fire. Not literally. She lets out a low groan and I smile evilly. And five, four, three, two, one…Matthew wakes up from his nap and starts crying. He wakes up at the same time every single day. You could set a clock to him. "Don't worry, I'll get him." She gets up but then leans down so her lips are lightly brushing against my ear. "I'll be back." I get shivers down my spine. Now I am kinda turned on. Then she leaves to take care of the baby.

It's still so weird to me. We're parents. We have a baby. A baby boy. How did that happen? I know Faith's good but she's not that good. I couldn't be happier with the results though. I love him more then I've ever loved anyone. But it's still mind-boggling. I'm a mom now. A mom. When I was pregnant it was surreal and even though I was throwing up and my belly was growing I thought it was a dream. I thought one day I'd wake up and everything would be normal again. The reality of it didn't finally sink in until last month. This experience has been so wonderful, and terrifying and sometimes so overwhelming that I want to hide in a corner and cry, but I wouldn't take anything back. I wouldn't trade any of this for the world.

I jump off the bed when I scream an almost ear shattering scream. I rush into the nursery and Faith is on the floor, coughing and gagging, and Matthew is lying up on the changing table stark naked, the fresh diaper lying next to him and the gross one at the end of the changing table. I can't help but smile. I know exactly what happened. Faith most likely dropped her guard and while she was changing our boy he peed on her. He likes to do that, he thinks it's funny. And it is when it happens to someone other then yourself. I don't know why Faith is reacting like this. She'll usually get a little grossed out but finish changing him and then go get a shower. I wonder what happened this time. I have an idea but I'm not entirely sure.

"It got in my mouth!" she yells and then jumps up and runs from the room. Gross, she's getting sick. I can't help but chuckle just a little bit. It's going to be so fun teasing her about this. The bad side is she isn't going to be changing any diapers any time soon. We usually argue a little bit over who gets to change the diapers, but since she thinks she's in trouble she was willing to do it. Well, she'll never do that again, that's for sure. I sigh and walk over to the changing table. Matthew's staring at his hands and cooing to himself. I can't help but smile. He's just so damn cute. He's looking at his hands with such…intensity. His little eyebrows are knit together really tight, and I don't know what he's saying in baby speak but it sounds pretty serious.

"Well you're a naughty little boy, aren't you?" I ask in baby talk. He looks up at me a little surprised, like he didn't know I was standing right in front of him. I guess he was concentrating pretty hard on those hands for him not to notice me. "Well hi there." I smile wide and he laughs a little. I swear he's the cutest little baby alive. "Did you have a nice nap?" I ask when he yawns widely and I smile some more. He has four teeth now and two more are coming in. He's been chewing on anything and everything he can get his hands on. He holds out his arms and starts whining a little. "Sorry baby but I have to put your diaper on first. And it's getting cold so getting your jammies on would be good." He starts whining more and sticks out his bottom lip. Yep, takes after Faith alright. She pouts more then you'd think.

I finish changing him with no problem. Now for the hard. He doesn't mind having his diaper changed but getting him dressed is a whole other issue. I guess he's only like that with me because Faith swears he's fine whenever she gets his dressed but I think she's just messing with me. I pick him up and he rests his head against my shoulder. It takes him awhile to fully wake up. I take him into the bedroom and lay him down on the bed. He starts whining again and reaches for me. But I can't give in to it. At least not yet. When I get him dressed there will be plenty of cuddles. We really need to move his clothes into the nursery. That's something I can have Faith do when she gets out of the shower.

"I know baby, it'll be over in a minute." He's crying at the top of his lungs as I slip his arm into the sleeve of the light blue footsie pajamas. We had to buy him a whole new wardrobe a couple weeks ago because not only did he out grow all of his clothes but the winters here are very cold, and he was born in the summer and he mostly just wore a diaper because the summers here get pretty hot. Faith always walks around naked in the summer, she always sleeps naked too and there have been a couple of incidents where a stupid salesman knocked on the door at seven in the morning and she answered the door naked because she was too tired to remember to slip on a night shirt. I zip up the sleeper now that he's fully inside of it. He isn't crying as loud but he hasn't stopped either.

"Alright, come here and tell me all about it." I pick him up and he wraps his arms around my neck and plays with my hair. He stops crying but hiccups every once in a while. "There, that's better. You got all worked up for nothing." I sit down on my bed and lean against the headboard. I hold Matthew by his armpits and stand him up on my thighs. He starts laughing and bounces up and down. "There's that happy smile everyone loves. No more tears, ok?" He starts cooing at me as he continues to bounce.

I look over to the doorway and see Faith standing there, watching us and smiling. She's in nothing more then some black bikini underwear and a black wife beater. Her smile gets wider and in a flash she jumps on the bed, making me bounce up an inch or two and she lies down next to me. Matthew squeals with laughter and claps his hands together. We both laugh as we watch him and how happy he is. Just seeing him like this, so happy that he can't stop laughing, it more then makes up for all of the scary and overwhelming stuff.

"So I was thinking." That's never a good thing. Whenever she says that we end up either buying something, building something or throwing something out. "Maybe we can have Ken and Red watch Mattie while we do some Christmas shopping. I already finished most of it but I have no clue what to get Red and Xander and I figured you would since they're your best friends." She has a point but I'm just as clueless as she is. I've asked them both many times what they want but neither of them will tell me anything.

"You don't know do you?" I shake my head no and smile when Matthew tries to stick his fingers in my mouth. I guess he's feeling ignored. Faith notices too and she leans over and puts her face against his stomach and blows hard. Matthew erupts into a huge fit of laughter and I can't help but giggle and make funny faces at him. He reaches down and grabs two huge fists full of her hair and pulls hard. "Ow! Fuck!" I can't help but crack up laughing and Matthew laughs and tugs harder. She reaches back to grab his hands and it takes her almost three minutes to pry his fingers apart. I can't stop laughing. That was just way too funny. That's what she gets for using him as a chick-magnet. "Oh you think that's funny?" I try to calm down and I nod my head yes. She quickly rolls over onto her other side and before I can stop her she's lifted up my shirt and doing to me exactly what she was doing to Matthew.

"No, Faith stop!" I yell in between my laughter. I hold Matthew up in the air so he won't get hurt and I kick my legs and wiggle around, trying hopelessly to get away from her. I'm bucking around pretty hard, Matthew is squealing like he's having the time of his life, and my stomach is getting all wet from Faith's spit and as gross as that is I just can't stop laughing. I hate being tickled sometimes. "Ok! Ok, you win! It wasn't funny! Faith, stop!" She stops and I slowly calm down.

"That's all you had to say, B." She leans up and plants a big kiss on my lips. I kiss her back and I feel her slowly open her mouth just a tiny bit and she lightly brushes the tip of her tongue over my bottom lip. I open up my mouth and let her explore. I love kissing Faith. It's one of my all time favorite things to do. I hear Matthew squeal and we both pull back from the kiss and we're both smiling like idiots. I bring Matthew down so he's sitting on Faith's shoulders. She looks a little nervous, she really doesn't want him to pull her hair. She hates it. She has a very sensitive scalp. But he doesn't pull her hair. He makes this high-pitched squeal and smacks the top of her head like a drum. She winces but then smiles. "Having fun Mattie?" He laughs as she lightly bounces a little. I'm holding onto his arms, so don't worry, he isn't going to fall. I can't help but feel incredibly happy. I love these two people more then I've ever loved anyone. I can't imagine my life without them. And I really don't want to try.

FPOV

If there's one thing in my life I thought would never ever happen, this is definitely it. I never thought I'd ever be sitting in a dressing room while Buffy Summers models swimsuits for me. And get this, it was her idea. She doesn't like to model swimsuits for me, says she feels like a stripper. I don't know she thinks that but whatever. The one she's wearing now is a dark blue with white polka dots bikini. She's tried on ten so far and I think this one is my favorite. She looks so fuckin sexy, even if it's not a thong. She refuses to wear one of those. I don't know why, she wears thongs all the time, she steals them out of my underwear drawer. But whatever, she still looks so fuckin hot.

"So, what do you think about this one?" She turns around from looking at herself in the mirror. Ok so this isn't one of those sexy modeling situations where she tries something on and then gives me a lap dace, but maybe if I play my cards right it'll turn into that. I let my eyes wander her body, she asked me a question after all, I need to do a little 'research' if I'm going to give her a good answer. "'Cause I think I liked the red one better, and this top feels too tight." The top is perfect and the red one, although sexy, just doesn't look right on her. But blue with white dots, oh yeah.

"It's perfect, just like you." Oh yeah, I'm smooth. She smiles really wide and then turns around and looks at herself again. Ok, so how am I going to get what I want? I have no idea. I need to think of something. It was my idea to go to the lake today, it's really hot out, and we invited Red and Ken, they're running around this store somewhere watching Mattie. They love lookin after him but five bucks says as soon as he needs a new diaper they'll hunt us down and ditch him with us. "Ya know, on second thought." She looks at me through the mirror. She's trying to readjust the top to make it not so tight. "I think it might need a, ah…up close and personal type of inspection. I mean, you don't want to go to the lake wearing the wrong suit, right?" She gets this little half smile on her face and I can't help but congratulate myself at a job well done.

"Faith you're supposed to be helping me, not trying to get into my pants…well… my bathing suit bottoms. I think I will take this one. The red just didn't look right." See, I told you. Oh well, I guess we can always mess around at the lake. I'm sure we can get Red and Ken to watch Mattie for an hour or so while we go for a swim by ourselves. He's gettin to be a little more of a handful 'cause he's mastered crawling now but he doesn't give us any problems, except for the normal baby stuff, like trying to get into everything he sees. I try to stand up but she pushes me back down and straddles my lap. What the hell? She gives me this little devilish smile and wraps her arms around my neck. "Ya know, on second thought..." What a little fox, and here she had me thinkin we weren't gonna fool around. I guess that was a stupid thing to think, we always fool around in public.

"I don't know, B. I'm sure they have security cameras in this dressing room. We don't want to get caught do we?" I smile wide and she knows I'm just joking. She looks around until she finds the camera in the corner, it's behind us so the people watchin the monitors can't really see what's going on. She turns around and kisses me hard on the mouth. I kiss her back and she starts grinding herself up against me. I moan and run my hands up and down her back.

"I'm sure there's something I can do to change your mind." She trails her hand down to my breast and starts massaging it. I feel my nipple harden and she smiles. She leans forward and starts suckin on my earlobe. I can't help but let out a little squeak. I love it when she does that. "Let's give them a show that they'll never forget," she whispers into my ear. Ok, if you insist. I kiss her deeply, our tongues swirl together and she rolls my nipple between her fingers. I moan and my hands find her hips. She's grinding against me and I can't help but laugh on the inside. Here she was worried about actin like a stripper or somethin and now she's straddling my lap, suckin on my bottom lip and rollin her hips like a belly dancer. Ha, that's just really funny to me and I can't keep the laughter inside. She pulls back and gives me a weird look. I'm not laughin very loud, but I can't stop. "What's so funny?" I calm myself down, but the laughter is just being locked away, and it wants to come out. I look into her eyes and I almost lose it right there.

"Nothing, nothing's funny. Come on, let's give 'em a show." We start to kiss again but I start laughing again, harder and louder this time. She pulls back and looks at me weird and it only adds fuel to the fire. My stomach is starting to hurt I'm laughin so fuckin hard. There are tears runnin down my face and I just can't stop. Where did all of this come from? I have no idea. It's just she's never modeled swimsuits for me before and now she wants...she wants to...sorry but I'm laughin too hard. Ok, deep breath in and...hahahahahahaha! I can't help it! Ok, and I think that's the last of it. Yeah, I'm all better now. I look up at my princess, and she's staring at me like I just snorted the world's longest line of cocain. "I'm sorry, it's just I've been tryin to get you to model swimsuits for me for like...two years and you always said no 'cause you said it makes ya feel like a stripper, and now you wanna put on a show for a camera. That isn't at least a little funny?" She gets a far off look in her eyes as she thinks about it. She lets out a little laugh.

"Yeah, I guess that is kinda funny. I skipped stripper and when right to porn star." Now there's a thought. We jump a little when we hear a knock on the door. Oh shit, that must be the security people. Buffy looks into my eyes, and I can tell she's scared. She likes the risk of getting caught but she hates actually getting caught. There's another knock and we just sit here, what are we supposed to do?

"Buffy, it's me." Thank God, it's just Red. "You two have been in there for almost an hour and Matt's getting restless, will you hurry it up?" We both sigh. I swear Willow exists only to annoy me. She always seems to be poppin up at the worst times, like right now for example. I was totally going to get some in the dressing room of a store called Deb's but NO. I guess she does have a good reason, Mattie can be a pain in the ass when he gets stir crazy. Sometimes parenthood sucks.

"I'll be out in a minute Will." Red knows I'm in here too, but Buffy will never fess up to it. She's very modest like that. But then again, it's a little hard to be modest once you've wanted to have sex in front of a security camera so that other people can see. She's not usually like this though. Whenever we screw around public we make sure it's in a dark corner somewhere so no one will be able to see us. I don't know what's gotten into her but I kinda like it, and if Red would just stop ruining my fun then all would be well with the world. So we leave the dressing room, and Red was waiting for us and she gave Buffy one of those shit eating grins and little B just blushed and avoided eye contact. Jeez, where is everyone, this store is pretty much dead. They only have one girl workin the register, and another to help the customers, but she's reading a magazine 'cause there are no customers. I hear a loud squeal and I turn towards it.

Mattie's settled on Kennedy's hip, he looks pretty comfortable. He's facing outward, she has her arm wrapped around him to keep him up because he hates being held facing the person who's carrying him. He wants to be able to see everything around him, and trust me when I say it gets irritating. I blame Buffy, she's the one who started carrying him like that in the first place. Oh well. He holds out his little arms and starts whining. I so blame Buffy for that. I talked with her about it last night in bed. I told her that she just has too many girly genes and even though my tough genes tried so hard to fight them off the attack was just too strong and Mattie got a lot of her softness. Then little miss girly got upset and not only did I not get any but she wouldn't even let me hold her. Last time I try to joke around with her. I was just jokin but she didn't believe me.

Kennedy hands me my boy and I lift him above my head and bring him close to my face and give him a little kiss on the nose and then lift him in the air again. He loves it when I do this. He starts laughing and kickin his little legs. Watchin him grow up has been wicked fun so far. When he first learned to crawl Buffy had tears in her eyes she was so happy. I was proud, but I don't cry. I'm Faith, crying is for sissies. Wow, how much of a fifth grader did I sound there? Oh well.

And when he started eating solids Buffy was so proud of him she actually over fed him. Poor little boy had a stomach ache for two days because of all the crap she gave him. And, ok I'll admit that I gave him some stuff that he shouldn't have had, but when he gets the lip goin and the tears in his eyes it's all over for me. I'm a sucker for a quivering bottom lip, just ask Buffy.

"Mama," he's whining again and reaching for me with his little arms. I hold him close to me and he wraps his arms around my neck and rests his head on my shoulder. I can feel his little exhales on my skin and he sighs and nuzzles my shoulder. It's moments like these that I love. When he's completely comfortable and wants me to hold him and no one else. Buffy complains sometimes, says that Mattie likes me more, I think it's just 'cause I've spoiled him. And I will never admit this to her, but I kinda like the fact that when he's tired he whines for me. I guess it makes me feel special, someone wants to be with me so much that they'll scream and cry and push everyone else away. Oh yeah, I feel special.

Sometimes it gets a little annoying because he follows me around the house. Now that he can crawl he wants to be everywhere I am. It's kind of hard to avoid doin housework when you gotta kid following you, it gives away your hiding place. Ok, so I don't hide from Buffy, I just make sure to be in a different room then her when she does the housework so she won't have me help. It's not that I don't want to help, it's just...yeah, I don't want to help. I'll do the yard work 'cause that's kind of a workout and I like being outside, but we don't really have much to do. Buffy won't let me go anywhere near her precious garden. It is a really nice garden, I wouldn't let me near it either, I might kill something on accident.

She's been buggin me to give the cat a bath. The cat a bath. The cat. What kind of shit is that? You don't give cats a bath, they hate water. And that's why she wants me to do it, because she doesn't want to get clawed up and bit. I hate that stupid cat. She found a little stray kitten about eight months ago and it's grown up into a big, fat, lazy house cat that likes everyone but me. She's an ok cat, as far as cats go. She puts up with everything Mattie has to dish out, which is good because if she scratched him I'd probably slam her up against the wall or somethin out of blind anger. At least that's what Buffy said. And I completely agree. I don't hate all cats, I used to have one back in Sunnydale, but she took care of herself, only came back when she wanted some love. I guess she was gettin some somewhere else too because she was gone a lot. Alright, enough of memory lane, let's get the hell outta here and our asses to the lake!

BPOV

"Oh my God, Faith, they're not going to hurt the baby are they?" I'm in distress, I'm in suspense, I'm not liking this a whole lot. It was Faith's turn to rent the movie tonight. On Fridays we usually rent a movie and then watch it after Matthew goes to sleep. I almost always pick the movies, romantic comedies, dramas, but never horror, never anything like this. I guess now I know to never let her pick again. I know why she picked this though, and I have to give her credit because her plan is working. I'm pressed against her, and my head is permanently attached to her shoulder. Every time something scary happens I hide my face. I may be able to slay demons in real life but I don't like seeing this kind of stuff.

"Just chill, B. They're not gonna...or maybe..." Oh no, not the little baby. Why did Faith pick this movie! Ok, so the baby isn't being hurt, but that freak is pointing a gun to her head and...and...I don't even want to say it. Let's just say he's enjoying the baby's food supply a little too much. This is definitely the last time I let Faith pick the movie. And because of this movie we'll never be going to New Mexico for any reason whatsoever. I know it's just a movie but this is fucked up and I'll never be able to forget it. I hear Matthew crying from his room and I lunge off the couch. I highly doubt that a bunch of people mutated from a nuclear explosion are attacking my baby, but you never know. Besides that movie takes place in New Mexico, that's one thousand three hundred thirty-three miles from here. What am I so worried about?

"Matthew, sweetie-baby, what's wrong?" I know he isn't going to answer me, he's only eleven months, but you're supposed to talk to your kids like they can understand you. It develops their language for when they do start talking and all of that other stuff. I turn on the light and walk over to the crib. He's standing up, holding onto the side and crying his little eyes out. "Come here sweetie, tell Mommy all about it." I pick him up and sit in the rocking chair. I love this rocking chair. Faith bought it for me when I was pregnant with him. I kept going on and on about this chair that my mom used to have, it was old and painted white and it had blue cushions and she would rock me while she read me bedtime stories. But it's gone now everything was destroyed when Sunnydale became a crater.

He keeps crying even though I'm rocking him and making those soft shushing sounds that almost every parent makes. He probably had a bad dream. What an eleven month old would have a bad dream about I don't know, but he must've had one. I rub his back as I gently rock back and forth. He's crying right in my ear and I'm starting to get a headache. He isn't twirling my hair in his fingers like he normally does when I hold him. Even when he cries he does it, it calms him down or something, but he's not doing it now. Probably because it's back in a sloppy bun. Ok, I just need to take out the hair tie. Ow, that hurt. Used a little too much slayer strength there. I let my hair fall down around my shoulders and he grabs onto it with both his hands and starts twirling it around his fingers.

"There. That's better. No more tears, ok?" He lets out a little whimper and rests his head on my shoulder. We sit like that, both of us are quiet for what seems like forever. I can't help but think about everything I've been through with him. Everything Faith and I have been through. Having him was the best thing to ever happen to me, but it was so scary and I've been slaying monsters for ten years. I had no idea what I was doing, I didn't know if I was going to be able to do it. Faith was...perfect. She said all the right things and kept the room pretty quiet. She wouldn't let in more people then needed. Not even any of our friends and family was allowed in that delivery room. When we brought him home she was so worried about everything. If we have boughten the right sheets, if he was allergic to the wipes, if his diapers would fit right, if we had the right sized clothes...absolutely everything. But I love her for it. She took care of me while I was recovering from the labor. She's sweet like that.

When Matthew was teething Faith would sit up with him at night as he cried and cried because of the pain. We gave him some of the baby medicine that the doctor prescribed but it didn't help, slayer metabolism and all. We didn't know that at the time, and there was no way we were going to give him more then the doctor said to. I remember standing in the doorway of this room and watching as she rocked back and forth and read to him and talked to him and even let him chew on her finger to relieve some of the pain. I'd never interrupt and she never noticed me, which is fine. I wanted her to have those moments with him because those are the ones she's going to remember forever and I'd be a horrible person if I ruined them by walking into the room or saying something to her.

I watch him as he leans back so he's sitting up. My arms are wrapped around his lower back to support him, his knees are digging into my abdomen, but I'm pretty used to that. He's playing with some of the buttons on my shirt. He's rubbing them between his index finger and thumb and concentrating on them like they're the most interesting thing in the world. And if he keeps up this kind of concentration when he's a teen getting his homework done will be no problem. Willow knows better then anyone how hard it is for me to concentrate on schoolwork. Anyway back to him. He has some tears drying on his chubby cheeks. I smile and use the back of my hand to wipe them away.

"Did you have fun at the lake today?" He looks up at me and nods his head yes. I don't know if he remembers or not, who knows? But he's gotten into the habit of saying yes to almost every question asked. The only thing he says no to 'do you need a new diaper?' He doesn't like having his diaper changed. "Yeah? You did?" He nods his head yes again and starts toying with the buttons again. Good thing these are only decorative 'cause he'll probably accidentally unbutton my blouse, how embarrassing would that be? "Can Mommy have a kiss?" He looks up at me and puckers his lips. I smile and give him a little kiss on the lips. He smiles too and then yawns really wide and I can see all of his little teeth. He has ten teeth. The four front ones on both the top and bottom, one back tooth on the right side and one back tooth on the left. He's eating solids now and I've been...spoiling him a lot.

"More?" he asks and puckers his lips again. I smile and give him another little kiss on the lips. He's such an affectionate little guy. I love him so much. He smiles this bashful little smile and looks down at his hands. He's so cute. He's such a little flirt with the girls at the grocery store. Everywhere we go he always gets attention and he has the blush and bashful look down perfect. I know it's an act, at least I think it is. Do boys start this yearly on how to get women? 'Cause it sure seems like. Now I can't help but think about my mistake. Not Spike, although he was probably the biggest mistake I've ever made. No, I'm thinking about the other one. That thing called Parker Abrams.

"You're not going to be like that. You're going to be respectful, and you'll call when you say you're going to call and you're going to be nothing like him. Huh?" He nods his head as he plays with the button again. And the brainwashing begins. It isn't brainwashing, not really. I'm just going to teach him that it's not right to hurt a girl like that. I just hope he doesn't turn out like that. I really don't want to raise that kind of kid. I don't want him to be a little heartbreaker. I know he's going to break someone's heart someday, everyone does at some point, I just hope he doesn't do it on purpose.

I look towards the door when I hear the soft meow sound. I smile when I see my cat. She's a really pretty cat, long pale grey fur, and the brightest blue eyes I've ever seen. I found her a few months ago when I was patrolling. I was walking down this dark street and I heard this little meowing sound coming from inside of a dumpster. I opened up the lid and inside was this tiny little kitten. Her ribs were sticking out so far I could count them, her spine was showing pretty bad too. Someone had just thrown her away, like trash. So I brought her home and Faith didn't want to keep her at first but I have my ways of changing her mind. She loves everybody, and she's really calm around Matthew. Most cats will scratch when someone pulls their tail or fur but not her. She's great with my baby and that's the important thing. If she hurt him then I'd find another home for her. Faith doesn't believe me but I would.

"Kitty," Matthew says and smiles and bounces in my lap. Ouch, his little knees are digging into me harder now. He talks pretty well for an eleven month old. He can say four words, I think he's only supposed to be able to say three, but I'm not sure. I have a book about child development around this place somewhere but I think Faith did something with it. I got a little...obsessive with the book and was worried that Matthew was coming along normally. Yeah, she probably burned it. I call the cat over and she jumps onto the chair and gets in between Matthew and me. He smiles really wide and grabs onto her long fur and pulls really hard. She tenses up but doesn't do anything else.

"Matthew, you have to be nice to Tink." Yeah, I named her Tink, like Tinker Bell from Peter Pan. What? I think it's cute. I hold onto his wrists and he lets go of her. He flattens out his hands and I gently rub them over her back. "See? Pet nice." He smiles and bounces a little more and keeps petting her nicely and she starts purring. He gets this look on his face, this look of surprise and awe. His eyes light up, and he's completely still like her purring his the most amazing thing in the world. I can't help but smile wide. I did that. I helped put that look on his face. If only I had a camera I'd take a picture of this moment so I can remember it forever. But I can't because if I get up to get the camera then this moment will be ruined, even if I try to recreate it the look on his face won't be the same. He yawns really wide and rubs one of his eyes. "Ok, mister, time to go back to sleep." I make the cat get down and he starts to whine. I take him into the living room where Faith is sitting on the couch with the movie on pause. She sees that I'm holding him and she turns off the T.V.

"Couldn't get back to sleep, huh?" she asks as I sit down. It's not that I don't want to try and get him to go to sleep by simply rocking him, I just like the sandwiched feeling that I get when I hold him and then Faith holds me. I don't know why I just love that feeling. She lies down on the couch, she knows exactly what I want. I lie down next to her and hold Matthew really close to me. He's already starting to drift off. She wraps her arms around me and holds me really close to her. I smile as I sigh a happy sigh and let this wonderful feeling wash over me.

"No, the cat came in and distracted him. Besides he always goes to sleep faster when you're around." It's true, he does. I don't know why but he always does things better for Faith. He holds still when she's changing his diaper, he doesn't cry when she dresses him, he doesn't throw his food at her, and he doesn't try to bite her when she bushes his teeth. I'm not jealous I just want to know why. Maybe it's because she spoils him more then I do. I mean, I spoil him a lot, I buy him a lot of stuff and give him extra snacks but she can't say no to him. And she's always picking him up. The doctor told us to let him crawl on the floor because it helps strengthen the back muscles so it'll be easier for him to learn how to walk, but one little whine outta him and she runs to side like he's hurt. But she's a great mother, she's just a sucker for a quivering bottom lip, and I know this first hand.


	18. Confessions, Gossip And Apologies

The answer to the question in the previous chapter is 'The Hills Have Eyes'.

* * *

Previously on 'So Damn Domestic': 

Buffy and Faith lying in bed holding each other, Buffy looks a little confused as Faith explains: "It's this place, B. I can feel the hellmouth, all the evil, and it's driving me crazy."

Buffy and Holly waling side by side out in the snow. Holly looks a little concerned and Buffy looks annoyed as Holly talks: "Are you sure she's the kind of woman you want to raise your children with? I mean, those kind of people tend to get a little violent over time."

Buffy and Faith standing in their bedroom, both are pissed as hell as they scream at each other:

Buffy: "Fuck you! At least I didn't spread my legs for half of Sunnydale you fucking whore!"

Faith: "No you just spread 'em for the undead. We're supposed to fight vampires not fuck 'em. And me gettin bouncy with a few boys never hurt anyone. Unlike the big mistake that was you fucking Angel!"

Faith sitting in the snow, a bruise forming on her left eye and cheek, Buffy is standing at the front door. "Don't you dare come back!" She slams the door and locks it.

Faith standing in front of a girl eighteen or nineteen years old, two other girls of the same age are standing off to the side. The girl looks a little scared, Faith looks about ready to kill: "Little tip, next time you hear me arguin with someone don't fuckin bring it up around me. Unless you want all your teeth knocked out."

Faith standing on a sidewalk next to a brick building talking to a vampire whose leaning up against the wall: "I try my best, ya know. We got two little kids together and I don't know what the fuck I'm doin half the time. It's not like I have some answer book or somethin. This is the first real relationship I've ever been in. So I screw up sometimes, so what?"

The Same Night. FPOV

So I had that vampire bring me here and then I staked him, couldn't have him runnin around tellin the rest of those losers that the top slayers are havin problems. Wouldn't want any of them tryin to take advantage of the situation. Oh well. Fuck him, who cares? I can't believe I told him all that shit. I don't care if it made me feel a little better, I'm a slayer I'm not supposed to be socializing with soulless vampires. Not like Buffy. She's probably out right now on her back letting one fuck her nice and rough just like she did with Spike. Probably has her eyes closed and pretending it's Angel who's doin all those kinky things to her. I bet she isn't even giving a single thought about me. You know, let's not think about Buffy right now. Fuck Buffy.

"Gimme another." I say to the bartender and push the empty beer bottle outta the way. That was my fourth one and I am no where near drunk. I hate slayer metabolism sometimes. Sure I look hot, I can eat whatever the fuck I want and I don't gain a pound but it takes way too long to get wasted. And that's exactly where I want to be, in the land of 'I'm too drunk to remember the bitch at home'. Ok, that was a little harsh but whatever. Wait, I forget I'm not supposed to be talkin about Buffy. Fuck Buffy. This place is a little depressing. It's all cloudy from the cigarette smoke, the music is depressing, the patrons are depressing, the only thing that this place has goin for it is the low prices. And if it weren't for that I'd already be outta here.

"Here." The bartender...Cliff, says and hands me my drink. I give him a little nod and he walks away to go deal with some other customers. You have no idea how much I wish this were a glass of JD. But I can't drink that stuff. I know that if I start I'll down a whole bottle and end up back at some guy's place and fuck his brains out. I can't do that no matter how pissed off I am at her. I take a long sip and look over to my right when I see three demons walk into a back room. It isn't the bathroom, that's on the other side of the room. "Poker game going on if you wanna join, if you have enough." I give him a weird look. What the hell, why not? I'm pretty good at poker and these are demons so it wouldn't be completely fucked up if I killed them and took all my money back if I lose. "Ten dollar entry fee to go back there. Everyone pays, even you, sweet cheeks." I punch him in his nose and he stubbles back and yells out in pain. I hop off the bar stool and take my drink with me. The guy collecting the fees saw what I did to his co-worker so he doesn't even try to stop me as I walk into the tiny room.

There's cigar smoke lingering in the air and the sounds of the demons talkin isn't as quiet as I'd like. There are four of 'em sitting around a square card table that looks like it's way past its prime. One demon is tall probably eight feet, dark green skin that's all scaly, ane has little horns growin out of his forehead and curl so the tips touch the top of his head. He looks up at me with his bright yellow eyes, and he smiles. His teeth look wicked sharp, and they're all pointy, like a lizard or somethin. I take another drink as I sit down in between the two twin demons. I don't know if they're related but they look almost exactly alike. They're both large, little over six foot and really wide. They're pasty white, which dark blue eyes, the only difference is the scar runnin up the side of one's face. He's the one on my right, the other is on my left. The fourth guy is sittin right across from me and staring at me like I'm insane. Weirdo looks like a fuckin shark. Fin stickin out his head, and he's wearing a really bad suit. Why are they lookin at me like I'm crazy?

"You got what it takes to play?" lizard man says. What, are they sexist? Do they think that girls can't play poker? Whatever I can play if I fuckin want, and if they give me shit about it I'll just slay 'em. I love that I always have that option. Ok, so not always, but with demons definitely. I've played lots of poker in my time, wiped Xander clean once, but I learned my skills in Boston at the weekly games some of the boys had. That's where I learned to play, just by watchin mostly, didn't actually play until I had the basics down. And from there it was all about learnin how to mislead, and that came in handy later on. I take another swig of my beer and stare him down. He shuffles the cards and looks around at the other demons. "Ante up." Fuck, I wonder what we have to put in. Holy shit...are those? They are.

"You play for kittens?" I can't believe this. Buffy told me about this shit but I didn't believe her. She did get wasted that night so I thought it was just a weird drunken memory. But now...what the fuck? "You don't eat 'em do you?" They start to laugh. I'll take that as a yes. This must be what lizard man was talkin about when he asked if I had what it takes to play. Dammit. I can't just leave these little guys here to get eaten up. That's fucked. They're just babies. Now if they were fully grown cats...well it depends on how drunk I were at the time, maybe I'd let them get away with it, but I can't just leave these kittens here. "Tell ya what boys, how 'bout you play and I just watch. Turns out I don't have what it takes to play." I get up from my seat and sit down on a little sofa that's against the wall. I take the last drink from the bottle and lock eyes with the guy at the door and hold the empty bottle up and wave it a little. He scurries off to get me another. Ah, gotta love that kinda service.

God this is fuckin boring. Now I remember why I started playin this game in the first place, I got tired of watching. I've been sittin here for...two hours and they're still playin. This could go on all night and it probably will. I've had eight beers, three tequila shots and a shot of JD. I'm a little tipsy but not drunk enough. I can still hear her voice: 'At least I didn't spread my legs for half of Sunnydale you fucking whore!' I so did not. She's the whore, not me. Sex was nothin to me but gettin bouncy, it meant somethin to her and she slept with that Parker guy after knowin him for...well I don't know for how long but they weren't dating, that's for sure. If sex means something to her then why did she get bouncy with that guy? Ok, so maybe I've slept with more guys then a girl should, but what's the limit? Three, four, five? And what's the girl limit for a guy? Twenty, fifty, a hundred? Fuck this, I'm goin to the bar. And I'm not going to think about her anymore. Fuck Buffy.

"Bottle a JD and make it snappy." I tell Cliff and hop up on a stool. Why are these things so damn tall? Probably 'cause the average height of the customers is six foot five. Oh well, I'll deal with it. What is takin so fuckin long with that bottle? It shouldn't take more then a couple seconds to walk a few steps to a shelf, grab a fuckin bottle and then walk over to the payin customer. This guy is lucky I haven't killed him and his entire clientele. "Hurry the fuck up will ya?" I think he's gettin mad. I watch as he grabs the bottle and brings it over to me. He sets it down on the bar but doesn't take his hand off it. He better move that hand if he wants to keep it.

"I can't just give you the entire bottle. Pay for it now or take shots like everyone else." Fuck this guy. I should break his fuckin arm off right now. But I really don't want to start a bar fight, at least not yet. I sigh and pull my wallet out of my jacket pocket. Let's see if it's fifty cents a shot and a shot is only like an ounce and a half, that should be...like ten bucks. "Twenty bucks, take it or leave it." I look up at him like he's crazy.

"Fuck you, it's fifty cents a shot." He pulls the bottle back and puts it on the little shelf under the bar. I glare at him and slam the twenty dollar bill on the bar. He smiles, showin off those nasty yellow teeth and takes the money then puts the bottle on top the bar. I twist the cap off and toss it behind me and take a long drink. God this shit tastes so fuckin good. I needed this so bad. I hold the bottle in my hands and stare at the label. I'll have to send the good ol' people in Lynchburg Tennessee my thanks for makin this stuff. I take another drink and close my eyes as the amber liquid runs down my throat. Burns a little but what's the fun if it doesn't hurt?

I look over to the poker door when I hear it open. The shark man walks out of the room with a large cage. The kittens are in there. Looks like he won 'em all. He's either that good or he cheated. I think it was the second one. I stand up off the stool and take another swig of my drink. I grab onto the bar, woe, almost fell. Maybe I'm drunker then I thought. Nah, I can still see straight so I'm not drunk just tipsy. I take a couple steps away from the bar and take another drink of the JD and then look at the shark guy. I don't think I've ever seen anything so ugly before in my life. And I've seen a lot of disgusting shit.

"Hey fuck-face." 'Fuck-face'? How lame am I? I am drunker then I thought. "You're not gonna take those kittens with you. So why doncha just hand 'em over nicely so I don't hafta beat your ugly face in?" He doesn't look too afraid. Doesn't he know who I am? I'm Faith. Everyone should fear me. I killed two men with my bare hands, and a stake and knife. Ok so not so much my bare hands, but I still killed 'em. Ok, enough talkin 'bout that, it's depressing. "You hear me you ugly motherfucker?" Now he's pissed. There are vampires flanking him. Those must be his boys. I can take 'em, I'm Faith remember? He laughs a couple a times and nods his head towards me. That must be the signal or somethin 'cause now they're both runnin towards me.

I throw the bottle of JD at one and it hits him right in the face and shatters. Some of the broken glass gets in his eyes and he scream in pain and covers his eyes with his hands. The second vamp rushes me and tackles me to the ground. He punches me a couple times in the face before I kick him off me and he flies ten feet back and lands on top of a table which breaks under his weight. Unfortunately a piece of wood stabs him through the back and turns to dust. Damn, I was really hoping to slay that guy myself. I walk up to the first vamp and punch him in the face and he staggers backwards. I pull out my stake and stick it though is chest. He screams again before he turns to dust. I look over at the shark guy. The cage of kittens is on the floor next to him and he's clapping his hands.

"That was very impressive. It looks like I have a couple of openings. Could I interest you in a job? Pay is alright, a lot of fighting, mostly body guard work. I know how you slayers love your violence." I glare at him and he holds his hands out in front of him like he's surrendering or somethin. Yep, everyone's afraid of me because I'm Faith. And you don't fuck with Faith. "It was only a suggestion, no need to unleash your wrath. Take these as sort of a...consolation prize for staking my boys. They weren't worth the trouble. Last time I hire someone without an audition." He steps away from the cage and I pick it up by the handle and look at the bartender.

"Gimme another bottle a JD." He looks at me like I just told him to torch the place. Jeez, what did I say that was so offensive? I can't seem to do anything right nowadays. What the fuck ever I don't need any of 'em. Fuck everybody.

"Hell no. And get the fuck outta my bar." I should kill him for sayin that but whatever. I need ta get these little guys someplace safe. Fuck I've gone soft. Then again I even back in my bad days I wouldn't've let someone kill a bunch of kittens. They're just babies, innocent to everything evil. It'd be fucked up to not save 'em. So I leave. I find a liquor store and buy two bottles of JD 'cause it'll only cost me twenty-five bucks, so why the fuck not? I walk back to 'slayer central' and wander around for a bit. I think the kittens are sleepin or somethin 'cause they're not makin any noise. I know that demon didn't kill 'em 'cause durnin the game he said he likes 'em fresh. How fucked up and disgusting is that? Oh fuckin well. I have 'em now so they're pretty safe. As long as I don't drop 'em or nothin they'll be fine. I find the wreck room of this place and walk inside. I have to break the lock to do it but whatever, I'll buy another one. I set the cage down on the floor next to the table and I sit down. I put my feet up on the table and grab one of the bottles and open it up. I throw the cap across the room and take a long swig.

What went so wrong? That's right, we came here. I hate this place. I used to like it, but now...It's stressful tryin to get used to it. Used to everything, the different time zone, the new sleepin schedule, the fact that Addy's been wakin up almost every half hour, and Mattie's been a little cold. He's ignorin us...bein...what's it called? Resentful. He hates us for bringin him here. And I don't blame him. If my parents packed me up and moved me across the country away from my friends, and after bringin a new baby home and havin to deal with that...I'd hate 'em too. I get it though, we're doin this for the greater good. But FUCK the greater good. We've been doin shit for the greater good our entire lives and we haven't complained...much. If these people can't get one slayer under control then they fuckin shouldn't be doin this job at all. If they just pulled their heads outta their asses then I wouldn't be sittin here right now. I look over at the door when I hear it open and in walks the little shit herself. I take another swig of my drink and she freezes in place.

"Didn't know anyone was in here." She sounds...afraid? Nah, she's supposed to be a total badass remember? Looks like this kid isn't as hard as everyone thinks. That's just like them, to judge shit they don't understand. I'm not sayin I know exactly what's goin through her mind just 'cause we both have shitty lives and I was a lot like her when I was that age, but at least I'm not expecting her to be a hardass like everyone else. They expect her to be defiant and mean and bitchy, they're doin nothin but addin gas to the flames. You give a girl that this that kind of image and she'll live up to it.

"It's fine, don't leave on a counta me. Take a seat, have a drink. Do whatever the fuck you want 'cause I couldn't care any fuckin less." She nods her head and sits down across from me and sits exactly like I am. What am I her role model now? Is she goin to start doin exactly like I do 'cause I'm the badass slayer? Maybe if I dress girly and mind my Ps and Qs and follow all of the rules she will to and I can get the fuck outta here. She grabs the other bottle of JD and tosses the cap on the table and takes a little sip then coughs. Hmm, she either doesn't drink a lot or she can't handle it. Must not be as tough as she wants everything to think.

"Heard the fight earlier. Why'd you leave? It's your fucking house too, she shoulda left." At least someone agrees with me. I sigh and take another drink but I don't say anything. Maybe if I just sit here she'll shut the fuck up. I don't want say anything 'cause I know I'll loose my temper and I don't wanna wake everyone up yellin at some teenager. She takes another sip and leans back in the chair. Why am I always the one to leave? I leave after every fight, I left for three months when we hated each other, why? Why did she leave? If she had such a fuckin problem with me, if she hated me that much why didn't she just leave? I know her, she would have taken Mattie with her, but why didn't she leave? Is it a territory thing? Did she want me to know that the house is hers, the kid is hers and without them I have nothin? Well it worked a little. Without Buffy I have no home, no one to love me like she can, but I'll always have somethin, I'll always have Mattie. Even when she kicked me out, even when she hated me so much she couldn't stand the sight of me I still got him every weekend. I wanted more but she wouldn't have it, said it wasn't fair for him. Whatever. Selfish bitch wanted him all to herself. "What's in the cage?" I look over at it and see one of the little suckers movin around. Maybe it's hungry.

"Kittens. Save 'em from a demon. You can have one if ya want." She looks at me like I'm insane. Whatever, I don't need any lip from a kid right now. If she wants to think that savin kittens isn't a cool thing to do then she can, I don't care. I don't need to fuckin impress her. I just need to figure out what to do. Sure I need ta say sorry to B for some of the shit I said. The Angel thing and...well that's it. I don't care if I offended her with the Spike thing. I'm not going to sugarcoat that for her. I never have before, why should I now? And she does think she's better then everyone else. You've known her longer then I have, you know how she gets, right? That better then thou attitude that makes you wanna grab her by the shoulders and yell FUCK YOU, BITCH! SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT SHIT ALREADY! Yeah, that's what I wanna do. Grab her and shake some sense into her.

"Ok, we need to talk." Who is she, my mother? Then again, mother dearest was never up for a good heart to heart. She looks like she's about to lecture me or somethin. I think she's been hangin around these watcher for way too long. I need to get her outta this place for a few days, let her be a real slayer. Take her to New York, the back allies and shit. All those vamps, all that slayin...it's a slayer's dream. It's what we fuckin live for. At least I used to. "I know you like to backtalk, but just shut the fuck up for a few minutes, ok?" I raise an eyebrow at her. Who the fuck does she think she is? But she has balls, I'll give her that. Gotta admire someone who'll stand up to me like that, especially since I know she's heard the ghost stories. Andrew started 'em back at the house in Sunnydale. 'Faith's dangerous never turn your back on her'. Yeah, gotta love that guy, he's great for spreadin the rep, and I'm not bein sarcastic.

"There's no nice way to put this, Faith, so I'm just gonna fucking say it because someone has to. You're whipped. Too whipped. Let's make it simple, there's pussy whipped, and then there's you." Ha, that's funny. Has she done standup because she's fuckin hilarious. I am not pussy whipped. "Don't give me that fucking look. You are pussy whipped. It's a disgrace. You're a disgrace to all things female. If you had a fucking clue to what was goin on around you, you'd be back at the house takin care of your babies instead of sittin here with a cage of kittens, drinking Mr. Jack and listening to me spout off at the mouth. Watching you and how you act and how you let her treat you is fucking sickening. You're a slayer for fuck's safe, stand up and act like one!" She takes a long drink from the bottle and them puts it down on the table. "And yes I would like a kitten, thank you." At least she has some manners. She gets up and opens up the cage door and takes a good look at 'em.

Am I really that pussy whipped? I mean, I know that I'm the 'guy' of the relationship and most men are whipped by their girls but am I so whipped that it's sickening? Now this is all I'm gonna be able to think about, way to go Lily, you're a big fuckin help. Should I try to explain myself to her? Should I try to rationalize my actions over the last...however many years we've been together? I don't know. She's just a kid she doesn't know what she's talkin about. But then again...maybe...I can't believe I'm even considering it. Fuck her. She doesn't know me. She doesn't know the first thing about me, where I've come from, what I've been through. I'm a murderer, I'm a mother, she doesn't know anything about either of those things so FUCK her.

"A few years ago." Just shut up. Don't talk to her. You owe her nothing! "Me and B were fightin a lot. Got to the point where she hated me so much she wouldn't even look at me. I slept on the couch 'cause she needed her space and I didn't wanna sleep next to her. I hated her so much. I wanted to leave every goddamn day but I couldn't. I couldn't just walk out on my kid no matter what she did I couldn't do that." Don't cry you fuckin pussy. This is exactly what this little bitch is talkin about. God, why am I such a fuckin pussy all of a sudden? It's the booze, it's makin me emotional. "She kicked me out, I was gone for three...maybe four months. She hated me so much she wouldn't even let me wait until our boy was sleepin. She made me pack my shit and go right in front of him. He was screamin and cryin and beggin me not to go." Stop fucking crying!

"I only saw him on the weekends, she wouldn't let me see him durnin the week, said it wasn't fair that his schedule is so fucked up. We made up and everything was ok again, we love each other still, probably more then before, maybe not. But now it's like I'm so afraid that she's going to take him away from me, that she'll just pack up and go and I won't be able to find them, and I won't see him anymore that I just go along with what she says. I leave so she won't, I try an' keep her happy 'cause she's my girl and so she won't take him away from me. And now we have another, a little girl...I don't know what I'd do if she took our kids from me. I just don't know." STOP CRYING! I can't help it! At least they're just tears, it's not like I'm sobbin or nothin. She's lookin at me like I've grown a second head. Not many people have seen me cry, she should feel honored. She reaches into the cage and pulls out another little cat and plops it into my lap.

"I'm not good with the hugging thing." I look down at the little thing in my lap. Small, blonde with white on the chest, blue eyes and a really annoying meow. I've seen a blonde cat before. I don't think it's called blonde either...buff or somethin like that. Yeah, I think it's called buff. It's kinda like a really pale orange color. I hold the little thing up to my face and look into its little eyes. Its still sleepy and havin a hard time keepin 'em open. She sits down at the table and takes another drink from her bottle. Hope the 'superiors' as she calls 'em don't get pissed at me for givin her booze. Then again, who cares? What they going to do, have me arrested? They need me too much to do somethin like that. "If you're so unhappy, leave her. Pack your shit, grab your kids and get the fuck out. No use stickin around and bein unhappy. Sure you'll hate it, you'll hate yourself for takin 'em, you'll think you're the world's most horrible person for keeping your babies from their...one of their mothers, but you'll get over it." I sigh and take another drink. If only it where that simple.

"I love her too much. I'm not just with her for the kids. I love her. I asked her to marry me, and I still want that. I want to be with her, I want things to work out. I make it sound like livin with her is like a prison sentence, but it's not. We're good together, and she's alright most of a time. I'm just the one who always leaves whenever we fight. I'm the one who's made out to be the bitch 'cause people still think I'm big bad Faith. Can't turn your fuckin back on her for a second, she's a killer, she hates the world. Well fuck that. No one really knows me, not like she does. I just get so fuckin sick of her shit. She started everything tonight. She was pissed off and kept pushing, and pushing, and pushing and there's only so much I can take before I finally push back. I'm not a whore. I'm not a fuckin whore. Never have I called her a whore even when she deserved it. She tries to look like the victim in everything, well how she is gonna act like the victim when she went to that fuckin vampire every night and spread her legs for him? How she is gonna try to look so pure and innocent when she lets him fuck her so hard she bleeds? She knows I'm not gonna fall for her shit when it comes to that. And I shouldn't. She's the whore. Fuck her." I drink the last mouth full of my drink and then throw the bottle across the room. It hits the wall and shatters. Enough talkin about me, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of all this shit. "So what's your fuckin deal? Why are you actin like you're hot shit?" She takes another swallow from her bottle and sets it down on the table.

"Just do." What the fuck kind of answer is that? "Home life didn't fuck me up. It was hell, sure, but it never bothered me. I had friends, I went to school, I did good. I was on the road to success, I guess." Ha, that rhymed. I look down at the little blonde in my lap and pet under its chin. I wonder if it's a boy or a girl. I look back up and raise an eyebrow at the girl sittin in front of me. This is hard for her, I can see the look in her eyes. She wants to run, or crawl inside herself. So that's what that feeling looks like on the outside. Hmm, it's looks kinda weird. A little sad, but weird.

"And? If you were doin so good what happened? Somethin must've fucked it up or else you wouldn't be this badass slayer wannabe who's always givin people shit." She looks up at me and then down at the little kitten in her lap. I wonder which one she picked. Oh well. It doesn't matter. I gotta find homes for all these little shits. I'll do that later. I think if I stood up I'd fall down. Yeah, tomorrow sounds good to me. She sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

"And I met Mark. Mark Jefferies. Hottest boy to ever walk the fucking earth." She takes another sip of the drink and runs her thumb along the rim of the bottle. I'm about to ask but she keeps talkin. She is like me, once you get her goin there's no stoppin her. I hope she doesn't start cryin 'cause I'm not good at the huggin thing either, and she's already holdin a cat. "We met at school, I bumped into him when he walked out of a classroom. He helped me pick up my books, it was like in those cheesey romantic movies. We started hanging out, then we started dating, and before I really knew what was happening I was packing my bags and sneaking out my bedroom window and jumping into his truck. We moved to Philadelphia. Lived in a motel, run down but it was nice because it was ours. We got by, I worked in a coffee shop, he worked at a car repair place. We had something going for us, we really thought we were gonna make it, ya know?" She starts gulpin the booze down until the bottle's empty and she sets it down on the table.

"Everything was perfect...until I got pregnant. He freaked, told me to get an abortion. Said he wasn't gonna be a daddy at seventeen. I said 'what the fuck about me? You think I wanna be a mom yet?' He left that night, I never saw him again." Huh? All I can think right now is...Huh? "Had a miscarriage a couple weeks later, too much stress, I guess." Another rhyme, but it isn't funny this time. "A couple days later that's when that girl came and found me, said I was slayer, gave me the skinny on the history and all that shit. I'm bitter so everyone'll stay away. I know they all think I'm a bitch, but it's easier that way. Emotions are too...stressful. I don't need that."

And there it is boys and girls. She's mean because she's lonely. She's angry because she's grieving. She may not know it but she's mourning the death of that little life that was growin inside her. Even if it was only in her for a month or two she's still mourning. I look at her and it's like I'm seein her for the first time. Maybe it's just the blurry vision from the booze, but she's different. I've seen the softer side, the side that makes her tick. I understand a little about her...ok a lot about her. She looks...smaller. Physically smaller. Hmm, that's weird. I think I'm wasted.

"It was a girl." Huh? "After it came out...I just sat there for a couple a hours staring at it, at her. I was gonna have a little girl and that asshole took her from me. If he hadn't left I wouldn't have been as stressed and I'd have my little girl." She starts sobbing...hard. My eyes are welling up a little bit but that's all. What am I supposed to do? Hug her? Maybe. I get up and walk around to the other side of the table. I pick her up and then sit down in her chair and put her down on my lap. She wraps her arms around my neck and buries her face in my shoulder. Gross, she's gettin tears and snot all over my fuckin shirt and neck. Gross. I rub her back and stroke her hair until she falls asleep, which takes all of fifteen minutes. Now what Faith? You can't just leave her here. And she won't let go. She's out like a light but she won't loosen that death grip. Guess we'll both we sleepin on the couch tonight 'cause she won't come off. She's stuck to me like a fly on honey. Hmm, that's was a strange simile. Or is analogy? Hey, why is the floor in my face? Oh well, guess I'll be sleepin here tonight 'cause I can't move. Mmmmmmmmmmmm, sleep is good.

BPOV

How dare she bring up Angel like that! How dare she! What the fuck was she thinking? Did she want to hurt me? Did she think 'hey what jackassie thing can I say that'll really sting her deep?' Well it worked. That cut me so fuckin deep. She knows I feel bad about that. She knows I'd take it back if I could. She knows I'd never do it again. So why did she bring it up? Why? I called her a whore, so what? She's slept with enough guys to qualify for the job. She stayed in a motel room while she was in Sunnydale, how do you think she got the money to pay for it? So she didn't exactly prostitute herself off, like standing on a corner and that shit. She's sleep with a guy and then take his wallet, but still, that's fucking for money! That's a whore! So now I'm the bitch because I told the truth? Well fuck that and FUCK HER!

She's probably out getting fucked right now. On her back with a hard dick inside her. She's moaning and groaning and closing her eyes and pretending it's someone else. And in the morning she'll regret it but she won't apologize for it. She doesn't think she has anything to be sorry about. She acts like she's flawless. Well I have news for you, Faith, you're not. You're just as fucked up as the rest of us. She thinks that because she was abused and neglected and hurt by a lot of people it gives her this excuse to be the biggest bitch ever. Like she isn't responsible for her actions and what comes out of her mouth. Well it doesn't! My parents divorced, my mother died, I had to raise my sister by myself, I had to deal with Glory, I died and was ripped out of heaven but you don't see me running around and getting all the sympathy I can, and using it as an excuse to be a bitch to the people I care about.

Why does she do this? She can make me feel so special, like I'm the most important person in the world and when she wants to she can make me feel like shit. Like I'm the scum of the earth, more immoral then the demons and vampires that sacrifice virgins and drink from little kids. I know things have been stressful because of moving here and I know that I haven't been the most pleasant but did she have to say that? Did she have to bring up Angel and rub in it my face? Let's dig it in real fuckin deep, 'cause the look on her face is so fuckin hysterical! Well I hope she enjoyed it and I hope she's having a great time sleeping in the snow. I hope she gets frost bite.

I know I probably sound like a lunatic, and a total bitch for being that way to her but you don't understand. My day was horrible. It wasn't just Matthew saying that he hates me. That was bad but it just...pushed me over the edge. There was so much bad stuff. Holly made another appearance. She actually had the nerve to say that she wants to do things to me that Faith never could, make me feel like no one ever can and if I want it I can come and get it. I punched her so hard in the face I think her cheekbone cracked. And then Giles called me into his office like I'm some high schooler, and sat me down and we had a long discussion about my wedding plans. He tried to convince me to move the date to what I originally wanted. He says it would be more practical, and I would enjoy it more. What does he know what I want? He doesn't. I don't care if it would be more practical, I want my wedding to be in the spring, and Faith agreed so it's going to be in the spring. Faith hasn't said anything to be about it. She wants to get married just as much as I do. She'd be crushed if I told her I wanted to wait after we both have our hearts set out on having the wedding soon.

Then again who knows? Maybe after tonight she won't want to marry me. How could she say those awful things? How could someone who claims to love me then anything say such things to me? I'm getting tired of all of this. I'm so tired of crying, I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of thinking that she doesn't love me anymore. I know she does, if she didn't she'd be gone by now. I know she wouldn't stay with me just for the kids. We'd work something out in the way of custody but I know she wouldn't stay with me if she wasn't in love with me anymore. And it seems like I hate her, I'm always kicking her out of the house when we fight, but I don't hate her. I kick her out because that's how it works. The parents fight and the 'dad' leaves and the 'mom' stays behind and takes care of the kids. At least that's how it worked in my house. Isn't that how it's supposed to be? I don't even know anymore.

As much as I'm owed an apology I know I have a few things to be sorry for. I need to tell her sorry for saying those things to her, even if some of them are true. And I need to come clean about this Holly thing. It's starting to bite me in the ass. I'm probably just being paranoid but I know if I don't tell Faith what really happened she'll find out about from one of the students, and if that happens it'll start another fight. She'll think that I'm keeping things from her and her trust is really hard to get in the first place, I don't even want to think about how long it'd take to get it back. Probably forever.

I can't believe that damn bitch doesn't think I know she's changed. Ok, that was a little mean, but she was acting like a bitch tonight. And I know she's changed. If that were the old Faith we would have gotten into a physical fight, things would have been broken furniture and body parts included, and we'd probably break up. There's no way the old Faith could be in a stable relationship because she was so unstable herself. How is she going to support a wife and two kids when she has so many issues to deal with? She wouldn't be able to do it. I know she's still a lot like her old self, sarcastic, loves the hunt, likes gettin down and dirty afterwards, but she's different too. She's responsible, she's not as impulsive. She wont' just jump into a manhole without knowing how many vampires are down there. She still has the 'take no names' attitude about slaying, but she's...cautious. She has things to live for now so she isn't going to be as risky.

Addison starts crying and I look over at the clock. It's three-thirty in the morning. How much longer before she starts sleeping through the night? I try to get up but Matthew still has his death grip on me. As soon as I had slammed the door when she was looking up at me from her spot in the snow Matthew started screaming. He tried to follow her, he wanted to go with her, he didn't want anything to do with me, but I held onto him even though he fought me most of the time. It took him a while but he finally cried himself to sleep and he hasn't let go of me since. I gently untangle him fro m me and get out of the bed. I hope he doesn't wake up again, he'll just cry some more and he'll want to leave to find her. I get the bottle and fill it with water, I put it in the microwave to heat it up. When it's done I put in the right amount of formula and mix it up. She's still crying in the other room. Maybe I should've brought her in here with me. I don't know.

I go into the bedroom and carefully pick her up and then walk into the living room and sit down in the rocking chair. She's still crying and she'll keep crying until I put the bottle in her mouth. And...finally, silence. She gives me this little look like 'it's about damn time'. I smile and run the back of my index finger over her little cheek. I really hope things between me and Faith get better. I don't know how, but I just hope they do. We'll talk once we've cooled down and we'll make up. But I swear if she ever brings up Angel like that...I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be good, that's for damn sure. She knows I'm over him, but I still love Angel. A part of me will always love Angel, and she just said something that horrible about it. ' Unlike the big mistake that was you fucking Angel' How could she say that? It's not like I fucked Angel just to get some like she got bouncy with all those boys. I made love to Angel, there was emotions involved, deep profound emotions. She just fucked because she was horny and needed to get rid of the 'double h's'.

"Your mother can be a real pain in the ass, do you know that?" She stops sucking on the bottle and looks at me like 'tell me about it'. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking. "What should I do baby-girl? I'm so mad at her right now, but at the same time I just want her to come home. What she said...well I can't really talk about that because I'll probably use some bad words and I don't want you to hear that." She starts sucking on the bottle again as she watches me closely. Well, at least my confusion is interesting for her. That's a plus right? "But I was really mean too. I said some things that I probably shouldn't have. Ok, I know I shouldn't have. But she just made me so mad. How does she do that? With one look she can make me feel like the most important person in the world, and with another look she can make me feel like I need to run my fist through something. How does she do it?" My little girl gives me this look like 'hell if I know'.

I wonder where Faith is. I wonder if she left the grounds or not. Well, ok I know she did. She always gets drunk after we have a huge fight like that. She needs to feel numb and alcohol makes her feel that way. And there's booze on the campus so she had to leave. I wonder if she's ok. I hope she found a safe place to stay. Maybe she's still in some bar. A demon bar or something, they usually stay open until sunrise. I hope she doesn't have any Jack Daniels. That stuff always makes her stupid. With beer it isn't so bad because it isn't as strong and our slayer metabolism gets rid of it pretty quick. But whiskey...I'm afraid she's going to get too wasted and black out. If she blacks out and then she'll probably get picked up by some strange guy and he'll take her to a motel or back to his place or to the back of his car and take advantage of her. I really need to stop. I'm just going to worry for nothing. She'll be ok. She has to be.

"Your mama will be back baby-girl, and everything will be ok again." She opens her mouth and pushes the nipple of the bottle out of her mouth with her tongue. She's finished now and she isn't crying so she's not hungry anymore. She's gotten into the habit of eating two bottles at almost every feeding. Takes after Faith already. Then again it's probably a slayer thing. Fast metabolism and all that. "I know things have been bad but they'll get better. We'll get that Lily girl back on track and then we'll go home. How does that sound?" She grunts and coos and moves around a little as she gets comfortable. I pull her really close to me and give her a little kiss on the forehead and rub the tip of my nose against hers. She starts to whine, she sure is a whiney little thing, isn't she? "Ok. I'll stop. You're just as bad as your aunt Dawn do you know that? You're going to love your aunt Dawn when you're older. She's going to buy you all of the nicest clothes for no reason at all. You're going to be her little doll. She'll buy you the nice dresses and I'll put you in them and we can have tea parties and play dress up, and when you're older we'll stay up late talking about boys, or girls whichever you want." She gives me this look like 'whatever'. I roll my eyes and she smiles. Already a brat, yep she's just like Dawn.

"And it's not like I meant to take my anger out on your mama, it's just that...I feel a little guilty, ok really guilty about the Holly situation, and I was trying not to say anything about Holly so instead I said the exact wrong things. I got angry at her for no reason, all of the tension and stress yesterday just sort of channeled into the fight and I couldn't help it. Next time I'll just walk away. Yeah, right, since when do I ever keep my mouth shut? I destroyed a secret underground government operation by opening up my big mouth. It's no use thinking about this now. She'll come back and we'll talk. And hopefully it'll go better then I imagine it will. I hope she doesn't come back with a hangover 'cause that'll just make everything so much harder. Your mama isn't the easiest person to talk to when she's hung over." I sigh and she looks at me with this little look on her face like 'and you're telling me this because?' Great, not even my baby cares about the distress I'm going through. Ok, so that was a little over dramatic but whatever. I could really use someone to talk to right about now.

I might as well stay up now. Addison isn't going to be falling asleep any time soon. She's starting to stay awake for longer periods of time, which is good because she's sleeping longer now. I set her car seat on the table so it's facing the kitchen and put her inside it and hook the straps just in case. I go into the kitchen and rummage through the fridge. I should go ahead and start making breakfast, I don't know when Matthew is going to wake up but I can always heat the food up in the microwave if it gets cold. You know, I think I'll wait. Breakfast is served at seven, might as well go to the cafeteria and eat there, that way I don't have to cook while I'm having so many thoughts. I really don't want to light this kitchen on fire. Even though when I lit my kitchen on fire it was totally not my fault. Nope, in no way was it my fault. Stop looking at me like that, it wasn't my fault and no I'm not in denial. Ok, I'm done talking about that.

But what am I going to do until seven o' clock? That's like...two and a half hours away! Let's see if it's four thirty in the morning here in Cleveland then what time would it be in California? Um...well I'm not sure exactly but way too early to call Dawn and live, that's for sure. If I called now and interrupted her precious beauty sleep she'd probably scream so high pitched that my head would explode. And my head going boom, and getting my brains over everything I'm thinking that's a bad. I would go for a run but Faith isn't here to watch the kids. Great, the dog's whining. Better let him out for a few minutes. Ever since the fight last night I haven't heard a peep out of him. I guess he knew that if he didn't shut up I probably would have made him sleep outside and he probably would have frozen to death. He's smart, I'll give him that.

I have to admit, if only to you, that he is a pretty good dog. He's great with the kids. I was really worried about how he was going to react to Addison because he's never been around little babies. Toddlers and crawlers yes, but never newborns. And I don't know if he's afraid of Addison or he just wants to give her space, but he doesn't go anywhere near her. He's always been really good with Matthew, but he's been around Matthew since he was a puppy so he's used to him and everything he dished out. The ear pulling, tail tugging, fur grabbing and Matthew sometimes uses him as a pillow when he watches T.V., it's really cute to see. But those cute moments just don't make up for how annoying that dog can be. And it's gotten so much worst since we've moved here because of the hellmouth.

I let him back in the house and Addison starts to cry. I guess she's feeling a little ignored. Tucker follows me as I walk over to the table and unhook the straps of the car seat and pick my little girl up. She stops crying and looks up at me like 'and where the hell were you?' There's only one other person who can give me that kind of look with so much attitude. I think Dawn will be proud that her niece already has all of her aunt's trademark looks and she's two months old. I sit down on the couch and cradle her in my arms. Her eyes are turning a little lighter. Now they have a little bit of green in them. The little girl I saw in my dream had greenish brown eyes, maybe Addison really is that little girl. I'm still not fully convinced that the dream was a premonition or something. It could have been a slayer dream, maybe Addison really is that little dark headed girl, with greenish brown eyes, and dimples taunting her brother while they played baseball in the backyard, and then leaned up against Faith as she unloaded the picnic basket. Maybe that really was her. And maybe Faith will finally be open to the idea of a picnic.

We've been together for nine years and we've gone on three maybe four picnics. I love going on them, she doesn't. If I call it 'lunch in the park' or 'dinner on the roof' then she's a little more willing, but if I say the word picnic we usually end up fighting a little and I have to do some serious pouting to get her to go. And we're talking full on pouting, with tears and sniffling, and the bottom lip sticking out so far you could balance a quarter on it. And she'll go because she wants to make me happy but she doesn't have a very good time. She won't tell me exactly why she doesn't like them, but I know it has something to do with the mayor. I'm not sure what, or how I know, I just do. I have this good gut feeling that it has something to do with him. I tried to get her to explain her relationship with him to me. She just said that he was her boss, and she was just being a good employee, but I know it's more then that. He wouldn't have cared so much about her if she were nothing more then an employee. Allan was just an employee, and the mayor didn't shed a tear or even have a mournful frown when he found out about that.

Finally seven rolls around. I have the kids dressed in really warms clothes. Matthew is in jeans, with two layers of socks, his Vanz sneakers, a long sleeved shirt, a sweatshirt, and then a jacket. Addy is in a dark blue onesie, pink sweats, a thick beanie, three pairs of socks, some gloves that she keeps taking off, and she's wrapped up in four blankets. It's a five-minute walk to the cafeteria and most of it is outside, I really don't want her getting sick because I'm too distracted to cook. So we get to the cafeteria without any incidents or anything. And this place is pretty crowded. Sure there are plenty of empty tables but because everyone's voice is echoing off the walls it sounds like there are a lot more people in here then there really are.

I help Matthew with his tray because he's too short to reach the food. I get him a stack of pancakes with lots and lots of syrup, and some bacon, and a container of milk. I on the other hand get some toast, with bacon, and three eggs over easy and a glass of orange juice. I find a table to sit down at. There are some students already at one end of it, at the very end there are about seven girls, and then more towards the middle there are six girls, three on each side, and we are sitting about five feet away from those girls. I put the car seat containing the precious cargo on top of the table as I start to eat my breakfast, and hey, why not eavesdrop? How else am I gonna find out what's really going on around this place? One girl seems to be telling an interesting story 'cause the other five are leaning in pretty close to listen to her hushed voice.

"So this morning Carrie walks by the wreck room and sees them lying in there, completely wrapped around each other and they're passed out. She found two empty bottles of Jack Daniels and a cage full of kittens." What the fuck? "But the thing is, she didn't just drink the Jack herself, she gave an entire bottle to 'her majesty'." She quiet as the other five let this info sink in. There are a couple of 'no way'-s. "Oh yeah. And now they're both in Mr. Giles office while he calls an emergency staff meeting to try and figure out how to handle the situation. Lily's most likely going to get expelled, that's a given, but they don't know about her. She is an adult after all, giving alcohol to someone underage, although very cool, still illegal. They're afraid if everyone else's parents find out about this they'll start pulling their kids out of this place and the next generation of slayers will be ill prepared or something." The way this girl is talking, the sound of her voice, reminds me of Louise from Gilmore Girls. So not the important thing here. Who the fuck are they talking about? They could be talking about an intern, there are plenty of interns that are over the drinking age.

"But why would she give Lily a whole bottle of Jack Daniels? I know she's supposed to be this bad ass, against the law type person but I heard she's pretty responsible when it comes to us." Good point to the one that sounds like Madeline from Gilmore Girls. I'm expecting a little Paris sounding one to start yelling at them harshly about the political ramifications of this or something. I'm on edge as I wait for the answer.

"Well, you heard the fight last night right?" Out of the corner of my eye I see all five of them nod their heads. So much for that not getting around the school. I really hope I don't hear a lot of gossip today, because I don't think I'll be able to handle it. And I don't want Matthew listening to this kind of crap.

"Yeah, that was pretty intense. Mr. Giles was getting ready to go out there and break it up. He even got the tranquilizers." Just in case a slayer does decide to try and hurt a member of the staff, it's procedure that tranquilizers be kept on the campus and only used by the authorized faculty members. And if that type of situation did happen then the other slayers would be obligated to hold down the rebellious slayer until a staff member arrives with the drugs. I can't believe Giles was thinking about using those on us. Then again he was probably just taking some for his safety. A very angry slayer is a very dangerous slayer. So last night we were both very dangerous.

"Yeah, well when she got kicked out she asked Stacy, Melinda, and Brooke for directions to a bar. Apparently she went there and got totally hammered, somehow got a cage of kittens and then staggered around town until she found a liquor store. She broke into the wreck room, and you know how Lily likes to go there at night to get away from her roommate. So the two started talking, and Lily ended up drinking an entire bottle of Jack Daniels. Mr. Giles was furious. One of the teachers thought he was going to have a stroke or heart attack or something." I cannot believe I found out about all of this through the gossip grapevine in the cafeteria. Why didn't Giles come to me about this? Why didn't he tell me that Faith was passed out and had given a minor alcohol? If Faith was binging then she could have alcohol poisoning, or thrown up in her sleep and died. Why did nobody tell me?

"Has anyone even mentioned it to the other one yet?" Wow, it's really good to know that here are the slayer training facility where we do our best to give these girls a great education as well as meeting all of their slayer needs they don't even refer to me and Faith by name. Ok, time to pay attention now. They are talking about what I really want to know.

"Not yet. Mr. Giles knows she's going to be pissed. He's going to call her in to his office when the staff meeting gets over with. Rumor has it he's having some of the inters stay in the room with him, one of them will be holding the tranquilizer gun just in case she flips out. After that fight last night it's clearly obvious that there's something wrong with that one. Some of those things she said…well if I were Faith I wouldn't have been the one out in the cold that's for damn sure." The bell rings and they get up and leave and put their trays on the counter for the kitchen staff to clean up. She thinks I have something wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with me. I had a bad day, and sure I took it out on Faith and I feel bad about it, but there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine.

"Mom, what were those girls talking about?" Matthew asks. Great, how am I going to explain this? How do you explain to a six-year-old that his other mom could be brought up for criminal charges for giving alcohol to a minor, and that she did it because she was already drunk, and she was already drunk to become emotionally numb because her finance just couldn't shut her fucking mouth? How am I supposed to explain that to him?

"Nothing baby, they were just telling stories." There, sounds good enough for me. I don't like lying to him, I feel bad about it, but it's for his own good. He doesn't need to know that Faith is probably in a lot of trouble right now. If he knows that she could go to jail and never be allowed back here then he'd just get upset, and want to find her. And I don't know if I can face her right now. Not so soon after the fight and not with her so hung over. If she had an entire bottle of Jack Daniels and she was drunk before that then she's going to be very bitchy and even bitchier because she did something stupid while she was drunk. And she's probably still pissed at me for kicking her out.

"Where's Mama? When is she coming back? How come she's gone? Why did you say mean things to her last night? Why where you fighting?" And here comes another round of twenty questions. He always does this after me and Faith have a fight and he hears it. He wants to know everything that happened and why it happened and what we're going to do fix it. I swear he's going to grow up to be a marriage counselor. He wants to help and make it all better, but he's only six there's not much he can do because he doesn't understand everything. He doesn't understand that saying sorry doesn't fix everything.

"I don't know where she is. I don't know when she's coming back. Matthew let's not talk about this ok? Just eat your breakfast and I'll let you train with one of the girls, ok?" He sighs. He wants to ask more but he knows I'm not going to budge on the subject. He may ask why, and how come but it's rare that I tell him why we were fighting. Maybe when he's older but he's only six, I don't want to upset him or anything. I sigh, maybe it is time I start letting him in a little. He's old enough to understand some stuff. He's pretty sharp for a little kid. So as long as I keep it simple he should be able to understand the gist of it. "Matthew..." Ok, I can do this. I can explain it in a very simple way. Not everything has to be complicated. I just make it that way. I am Buffy, the masochistic slayer. "We were fighting because I was in a really bad mood. And...because I was in a bad mood I said some things that were mean, and we started fighting." There, that pretty much covers it. Wow, I really am the bitch of this situation. Faith needs to apologize for the Angel thing, no question about that, but I have so much more to be sorry for.

"But why did she leave?" Oh boy, how do I explain this one? Ok, so far honesty has been the best policy. I think he should know the truth on this one too. I don't want him thinking that Faith just left. I'm surprised he still remembers her leaving last time. He was three, shouldn't he have forgotten by now? Ok, I'm stalling, I know that. I sigh and take a little sip of my juice.

"She didn't want to leave. She said something really bad...something that hurt my feelings a lot, and I didn't want her in the house anymore, so I made her leave." As long as I don't look at him then I won't see that angry, confused, and sad look on his face. Nope, I can't see it because I'm staring straight ahead now. Even if I can see him looking at me though the corner of my eye and I can feel how hurt he is I'm not going to look. Nope, not looking.

"What did she say?" This is where I would really like the conversation to end, but I think we're bonding a little more by me opening up a little. I'll draw a line somewhere but so far we're sailing in calm waters. As long as I don't explain every single little thing about it I should be able to answer this question to. Ok, so here I go, answering his question. Yep, any second now...I will answer this question...Don't look at me like that, I'm not a coward. Well maybe just a little, but only because I'm still trying to think of a way to answer it. Alright, I think I got it. I turn in my seat so I can face him completely. He puts his fork down and does the same. I take one of his little hands in mine and into his dark brown eyes.

"Do you remember that man named Angel, who came to visit us at home?" He nods his head really slowly. I sigh, how am I supposed to explain this to him? I thought I had a plan but all those words are gone. They left as soon as I opened my mouth. Now what am I supposed to say? "Well, a really long time ago Angel and I...we dated." His eyebrows furrow at that. We've never talked about our past with him. At least not this kind of stuff. He knows that we used to live in Sunnydale and we fought vampires and I met Willow and Xander in high school but I haven't told him about Angel, or Riley, and definitely not about Parker or Spike. He doesn't need to know that stuff. He thinks me and Faith have been together forever. "And we loved each other very much, but then something bad happened and we had to break up. And we're still good friends, and I don't want you to be mad at Angel ok? I met him before I met your mama. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He thinks about it for a minute or two and then nods his head.

"You an' Angel were sweethearts." I love that he says that, it's so cute. I should let him watch more Walt Disney movies, maybe he'll start saying more cute sayings. I'll think about that later though. Serious conversation going on here, I should probably concentrate on that. "But what did Mama say that hurt your feelings?" And now for the hard part. Ok, what do I say now? I can't tell him that I slept with Angel and he killed people, he won't understand any of that. He won't understand that Angel is good again.

"Well, Mama doesn't like that Angel and I were sweethearts. She gets mad when she thinks about it, and last night when we were fighting she said something really mean about it. And it hurt me a lot. I love your mama with everything, but I still care about Angel, and what she said hurt my feelings really bad. You understand?" I watch as he digests what I've said. I don't think I'm explaining this very well. I'm doing the best I can though. It's not like I can tell him that I made love with Angel and then he lost his soul and killed people and then Faith threw that in my face last night. I can't tell him any of that.

"But what did she say?" he's getting frustrated because I won't tell him exactly what she said. And I'm not going to. I can't say that to him, it's horrible and totally inappropriate, he's only six. And he knows that when an adult uses 'bad words' when they're fighting that means they're really angry, and he gets a little upset whenever Faith and I cuss at each other, and not only when we fight. And I don't want him mad at Faith, and if I tell him what she said he'll be pretty pissed at her. I sigh and give his hand a gentle squeeze before I let go and turn in my seat so I'm facing forward. I pick up my fork and cut off a little piece of waffle.

"I can't tell you, baby, it's bad. Finish your breakfast, sweetie, and then we'll go train ok?" He sighs and nods his head. He turns in his seat and picks up his fork but he doesn't really eat. He just sort of pushes the food around the plate for a little while. He'll take a bite every once in a while but that's about it. I remember when Faith moved out for those three or four months, he wouldn't eat hardly a thing. He'd have two or three bites and then say he was done. He missed her so much and he was so sad all the time and he lost a few pounds. His doctor had me give him vitamins so he get the nutrition that he needed. "What are you thinking?" He sighs puts his fork down. He takes a little sip of his milk and stares at the little picture on the side of the carton.

"I want Mama to come back. She should say sorry and you can stop fighting. I don't like it when you fight. It makes me sad." Same here, baby. Same here. "We should go find her. Mom, let's go find her." Great, now he's all determined. I sigh and run my fingers through is hair. I know he probably isn't going to agree with me, but I have to tell him no. She's in Giles' office right now with a really bad hangover, I don't want him around her when she's like that. He doesn't need to see it. He looks up to her so much, he doesn't need to see her when she's in a really bitchy mood and looking like crap.

"No, sweetie. She'll come back when she's cooled down. She might still be mad, we just need to give her some space, ok?" He silently nods his head and takes another drink of his milk. I miss her so much now. Now that I know where she is I just want to go to her, but I can't. I have to watch the kids and she probably doesn't want to see me. If she wanted to come find me then she would. No one can tell her what to do when she's really determined to do something. Not even Giles has that kind of power. I'll go see her in a little while. I can get Sissy to watch the little ones and I'll find out what the hell is going on. She could go to jail if she really did give Lily that alcohol. It could also be just one big misunderstanding. Lily is a troublemaker, maybe she brought her own bottle. I would also really like to know what the hell she was doing with a cage full of kittens. Because that sounds too stupid to be made up.

FPOV

So, let me give you a little recap of what's been going on in the world of Faith. Last night I got into a huge fight with B, said something completely retarded, got kicked out, did a little bit of slaying, and then got completely wasted. I remember there being some demon and then something about some kittens, which I stole from him. Then I wondered around the town, bought some JD, came back here, got even more wasted, and then had a little heart to heart with a teenager, and then passed out. But all of that you already know. Let's go over what happened this morning, shall we?

I woke up layin on top of Lily. I don't know how the hell we got in that position, but it wasn't comfortable. I had the biggest hangover in the history of all hangovers. There was a kitten sleepin on top of my ass, he looked pretty comfortable too. I booked it to the bathroom and puked my fucking guts out and then laid down on the floor for a little while. And then Giles comes in, huffin and puffin for givin the kid some booze. All I did was offer, she didn't have to drink it. Apparently that wasn't a good enough answer because now I'm sittin in his office starin at the wooden name tag that's on his desk. The letters are gold and really shinny. R. Giles - Headmaster. That's what it says. And there are so many jokes I'd be makin if it weren't for this hangover.

Sitting about four feet away from me is Lily. She hasn't said a word since we were brought in here. All she's doin in slouchin in her chair and pettin the little gray kitten that's sleepin in her lap. Giles tried to take it from her this morning but she wouldn't let him within three feet of her. I told him just to forget it, that we should just get this done and over with. So we were escorted to his office and waitin for that fucking staff meeting to get over with. I shouldn't have to sit here like I'm a student. That's what I feel like though. This is a total flash back from before I dropped outta high school and was always gettin called to the principal's office. At least when I bothered to show up. I can't believe I let the kid drink a whole bottle of JD. Who does that? Even if I was drunk I should've known better. I'm supposed to be a fuckin adult, I really need to act like it.

I still can't fuckin believe how B was actin last night. She probably had a really bad day but did she have to take it out on me? No fuckin way! Sure I may not be the easiest person to live with, but I don't deserve to be treated like that. I've been with her for almost nine years, I've supported her through some tough shit, I gave her two beautiful little babies, and I help keep her from going insane, you'd think she'd at least be a little grateful or something. I mean, you'd think she wouldn't bring up the past like that. Ok, so I was the one who brought up Spike, which lead to a whole bunch of the shit, but I was just tellin the truth. I've never been a whore. A little slutty maybe, but never a whore. Ok, so I needed the rent money, and so ONE time I stole some out of a guy's wallet. But that was only once! And it was only like ten bucks. Enough talking about this, it's gettin irritating.

I've been sittin in this damn office for two hours now. I swear if Giles doesn't come back soon I'm just gonna leave. Go home, get a shower, take some aspirin, and go to bed. Sounds like a fuckin plan to me. If B wants to talk then she'll have to wait 'cause my head hurts too fuckin bad to listen to anything she'd have to say. That's just the way it is. And if she doesn't like it then she can fuckin leave 'cause I'm tired of being the one thrown out on my ass. But she'll probably keep bothering me, keep pushing until I finally snap back and we'll start fighting again. So, I think maybe I'll just stay here. Sitting in this fuckin office sounds much better then fighting with Buffy. But I've been in here long enough. Are they talkin about how they're gonna kill me or somethin? Nah, Giles wouldn't do that. Would he? Finally the door is opening! I was about to get the hell outta here. He sits down at his desk and gives me a look that could kill a cat.

"Lily, will you please step outside for a few minutes? I'll call you in when I'm ready for you. Thank you." His eyes never left mine. She gets up and leaves without a word. When the door closes I hear three or four girls squeal and start talkin baby talk to the kitten. I roll my eyes. Girls are strange. "She's going to have to give up that cat, you know. We don't allow pets here. This is a school, not a zoo." I try as hard as I can not to roll my eyes. I sit up straight in my chair, which is not only strange for me to do but also really fuckin hard since all my head wants to do is be lyin on somethin.

"You're not takin that cat from her. She's keepin it." He gives me this questioning look, like I'm insane for dare defying him. But whatever. After last night's little girl talk session I now know some important things about Lily and I know that she really needs somethin to love. That cat is probably the best thing for her right now. "I know you have the no pet policy or whatever, but last night she told me some stuff, about her past. Now I can't tell you what she said 'cause I'm pretty sure she doesn't want that shit spread around, but she needs that cat. And you can try to take it from her, but I really wouldn't recommend it." He gets this look on his face, a mix of annoyance, anger, and surprise.

"Are you threatening me?" I pretend to think about it. I probably shouldn't be such a smart ass to him right now considering he could have my ass thrown in jail but whatever. I'm in a bad mood, hungover, and I really don't feel like putting up with this shit. I'm surprised I'm still sittin here instead of finding some place to sleep. Maybe Holly will let me crash on her couch for a while. I mean, she seemed pretty cool when I met her, kept lookin at me like she knows somethin I don't, but still cool.

"Yeah, I guess I am." He nods his head slowly and then presses the little button on the phone and asks his secretary to bring him some tea. "So are you gonna have me arrested or not, 'cause I really wanna get the hell outta here if you're not." He's quiet as he watches me. Well, this is uncomfortable. His assistant brings in the cup of tea and hands it to him. She gives me this look like 'what the hell is wrong with you?' Gotta say I'm not surprised to see it. He takes a sip and then stirs it with the spoon a little before setting it down on his desk.

"No. Since Lily was a run-away when we found her I had Willow switch her guardianship to me, and since this is the first and only time this will happen I'll not be pressing charges. But let me assure you that if anything like this ever happens again I will have you arrested. This is a school full of minors. If word gets out about this we could lose our credibility and be shut down. The parents could pull their children out and how are they going to learn to be slayers then? We don't have enough members to be sending out watchers to train them. That's the reason we built this facility in the first place. I will not tolerate this type of behavior again.

"I understand that you needed to...unwind after that fight with Buffy, but you do it somewhere else. There are plenty of hotels in this city that you could have gone to intoxicated and they would have rented you a room. You could have called me and I would have let you say in one of the apartments here. But to break into the wreck room and then give an entire bottle of alcohol to a student..." He takes another sip of his tea and stares into the cup for a few minutes. Then he sets it down and looks into my eyes. He isn't as mad as before, just concerned. Well that's a first. "This is probably not my place in asking, but what were you two arguing about?" I sigh and close my eyes. I really don't want to talk about it anymore.

"She had a shitty day and took it out on me. I said something that was pretty fucked up and she threw me out. I've had a really shitty night, and today isn't lookin good either, so can I go now if you're done with the lecture?" He nods his head and then takes a sip of his tea. I remember that he's gonna talk to Lily right after I leave. So instead of walkin out right away I stand up and look into his eyes, which is pretty rare I guess. "Go easy on her alright? I think now that she talked to someone 'bout what's happened to her she'll do a little better. And let her keep the cat, it'll be good for her. Like therapy or somethin." He thinks about what I said and nods his head. As I'm walking towards the door he says...

"The code for my apartment is 6216 if you don't feel like going home just yet. You can sleep in my bed if you like. Or the couch, whichever you're more comfortable with." I smile at him and I leave. I see her sitting in a chair that's across from the assistance's desk. The kitten is in her lap and it's playin with her fingers as she wiggles 'em around. I smile and leave the room. As I'm walkin down the halls I notice that all the girls are staring at me as I pass, and they start to whisper. Great, not only did I have a huge fight with B, and have a wicked painful hangover, I got the entire school talkin about me. This is like a nightmare or somethin. I wish it were just a nightmare, 'cause then I could wake up and get some sympathy sex from Buffy, her way of trying to 'make it all better'. I sigh and head towards G-man's apartment. I think it's a little weird that the faculty apartments have codes and not keys. But I guess it's better this way. This way they won't lose the keys and have someone break in.

And the apartment looks a lot like is his old place in Sunnydale. There's no way this a coincidence, he set this up on purpose. I don't think any of the other rooms have fireplaces. This is just too weird, like deja vu or something. I thought that it looked kinda...boring before. It's not like I used to hang out at his place often, but I've been there a couple times. Before and after I stole B's body, maybe once or twice before the coma and the teaming up with the mayor thing. But now that I've changed it seems kinda...homey. Comfortable, and warm. I could myself livin here with B and the kids. Curling up on the couch with some hot chocolate, and Buffy next to me with Mattie her lap, Addie in mine as we watch some cheesy Christmas flick on the T.V. That sounds pretty nice. I know it sounds...I don't know...a little housewife-ish, but it does sound really nice. Ok, sleep would be really nice since I think the ceiling is just moved. Yeah, sleep sounds perfect.

"Ah, I see you've taken the couch." I hear Giles say as he opens the front door and walks into the living room. What the fuck? One minute I'm lyin on the couch, starin at the ceiling tryin not to think but it wasn't working so well. I would be starin up at the white paint, my mind completely blank and then I'd start thinkin about Buffy. What is she doing? Does she miss me? How are the kids? Has she talked to Mattie about the fight? Has anyone asked her about the fight? Has she knocked out any of the little slayers? And I'd catch myself a few minutes into the thoughts and make my mind go blank again. And now I'm on my stomach and there's drool all over the little throw pillow. Must've fallen asleep.

"What time is it?" I ask as I yawn and stretch out. I wanted to sleep but not for this long. I think it's dark outside, but I'm not sure. If I concentrate really hard I would be able to tell. Slayer instinct and all but I'm still too tired for that. I roll over onto my back and look at him. It's kinda hard 'cause my vision is all blurry from sleep. And horrible sleep at that. My back feels like it's twisting in three directions and my ass is asleep. How is my ass asleep when I was lyin on my stomach? I guess it's one of those little mysteries of life that'll never be answered. Like how do they get the water and the oil to mix together when they make mayonnaise? These are just two things we will never know.

"It's half passed seven. I assume you're hungry? I was going to make some dinner, if you want to join me. It'd be nice to have some company for a change." Poor Giles. He seems so lonely, which is weird 'cause this place has plenty of people. Normally I'd make a sarcastic remark right about now, 'bout him askin me to dinner. Ya know, somethin like 'why Giles, are you askin me on a date? I am engaged ya know'. But he didn't have me thrown in jail and he let me sleep at his place so I better show some gratitude, and by that I mean I'll keep all sarcasm to myself. At least for now.

"Sure, food sounds good. I'll help in a minute." Before he can be all polite and say that I'm the guest so I don't have to cook, I'm in the bathroom and puking my fuckin guts out. Way too much Jack last night. Ok, so maybe it was the mix of Jack and beer. I usually don't drink two different things 'cause you never know what ungodly shit is gonna come outta ya the next morning. But I thought I had puked it all up this morning, so this is a big surprise. I feel better now that I got all of that shit outta me. I wonder if it has to do more with the stress of everything or the alcohol. I mean, I threw up this morning, that shoulda taken care of the drinks.

But all this shit that's been goin on, the moving, taking care of a baby and a six-year-old, trying to adjust to this new place, tryin to help B with the slayers, tryin to deal with B...I think she was right, I think maybe things would be easier if I went back to California. What the fuck am I saying? God, I'm such an ass. Things would be worst in Cali. So fuckin worst. We'd be missin each other and all that, I'd probably still feel...abandoned. I know, it's girly and really dumb, but that's how I felt. She just left me with our kids, only callin once a day, sending e-mails every once in a while. And with all the hormones 'cause of the birthing thing I felt left behind. We'll get over this fight and things will be better. She'll apologize, I'll apologize, we'll have some wicked great make up sex and this'll be another thing of the past. Ah, make up sex with B...it's always a wonderful thing.

So I go into the kitchen and Giles already has everything all set up, it just needs to cook. He sends me out of the kitchen, sayin that he has everything under control, so I go sit on the couch. I feel like shit and if he insists on doin it himself I might as well let him. It's not like I didn't offer. At least I tried. I have no idea how long I should stay away. I know it's my house too so don't start in on me, but we both need some time to cool off, I guess. If to go back too soon we'll fight again and I might go back to California. She'll hate me for it because there's no way I'd leave without my kids. And she'd hate me for taking them, but I just don't think I can handle anymore fighting right now. And it's not just 'cause of the hangover and I'd rather be curled up in a really dark place right now. I just don't think I could handle the stress. Listen to me, talking about running away again. I guess I haven't changed as much as I thought. Things get stressful and I wanna run away from the problem. Oh yeah, I've definitely rid myself of that old image I used to have. That was sarcastic.

I have no idea what I'm gonna do. If we can't get this thing worked out soon then I guess I'll stay in one of the faculty apartments. They have a couple of empty ones and I'm sure Giles won't mind if I snag one. I'd love to think that I'll go back there and everything will be fine. But the reality of the situation is that we need to apologize, and we're both stubborn. B's the most stubborn person I've ever met, and I'm not apologizing until she does. So where does that leave us? There's no way I'm swallowin my pride and sayin I'm sorry first. She started all this shit and sure I said some fucked up things, but so did. At least mine were true. She was goin on and on about how I was a whore, never happened. Her fuckin Angel and hell followin shortly after, that happened. Her fuckin Spike to deal with her emotions, that happened. Me sayin I'm sorry before, her not gonna fuckin happen.

"Alright, here you are," Giles says and hands me a plate jam packed with food and a fork. I give him a small smile and he sits in the chair closest to the couch. He takes a couple of bites off his plate. I take a bite and chew real slow as I think. I still can't believe everything that's happened. Not just this stupid fight, not just coming here, but everything. My life, before and after goin to Sunnydale. Before and after wakin up from that coma. Before and after goin to prison. Before and after breakin out to save Angel and then goin back to Sunnydale. Before and after the town I used to hate went boom. Before and after me and B got together. God those were some good times.

In the beginning when everything was new. You notice every little thing about the other person 'cause you want to remember everything after you leave to go home by yourself. You try to memorize the sound of their voice so at night when before you go to sleep you can pretend that they're there with you telling you goodnight. And you wait for the right moment to say those three little words that they wanna hear so badly, but you're scared as hell to say 'em. I remember it perfect. You might wanna run and get some popcorn 'cause I'm going to a flashback. You ready?...Got everything you're gonna need?...Are you sure?...Ok, I'll get to it then...Are you sure you don't wanna run to the bathroom or somethin real quick? Alright! God, I'll just get on with it. No need to fuckin shout. Show some patience for fuck's sake.

(flashback to many years ago)

Me and B are goin on a picnic tonight. Ok, so she didn't call it a picnic 'cause she knows I have issues with that word. It's cold out tonight so we gotta dress a little warmer then normal. I'm in jeans, a t-shirt with a black hooded sweatshirt that's one size too big. I like my sweatshirts baggy, I don't know why since I like everything else skin tight. I'm supposed to meet her up on the roof. We're still livin in this shitty apartment building. The super is never around or else I'd kick his ass until he fixes the heat. It's so fuckin cold here at night, especially when the sky is clear. It's like the clouds make a blanket and keep everything a little warmer. Fuckin clear nights, they piss me off. I do like somethin about it. When the sky is clear in this town, it's really crystal clear and you can see billions of stars. I've always kinda liked lookin up at 'em. Ok, enough with the girly shit, I need to get outta here.

I grab the blanket, she's bringing the food. We're meetin on top of the roof. And trust me I can smell the irony. Last time me and B were on an apartment roof together I got myself stabbed and put in a coma. I wonder how tonight will turn out. Things have been goin pretty great between us if you ask me. We haven't tried to kill each other, which is surprising to everyone around us, and we've already made with the lovin a couple times. It's not like I was expecting her to turn into a nympho or somethin after bein with me, but more then once a week would be nice. But B doesn't want all of our time together to be us fuckin. She doesn't want this great thing we got goin to turn into somethin only sexual. And I get that but still, I got needs, ya know? And I'm tryin real hard to be loyal but when you're in a town full of hot babes just beggin for a good time it's really hard to say no. But I do even though I get plenty of offers every day. From both the boys and the girls.

"Jeez, Faith, what took you so long? I've been up here for almost ten minutes," she says as I open the door that leads to the roof. I smile 'cause I know she's teasin. She likes to give me a hard time about the fact that I'm ten minutes late everywhere I go no matter how hard I try to be on time. But whatever. "Oh good, you brought the bunny blanket. I was hoping you'd bring it." The thing about this blanket, not only is it really warm and soft and good to use to fight off the harsh bite this town's air has to offer, but it's pink and covered in little white bunnies. I only like it 'cause it keeps me warm, Buffy likes it 'cause it's cute and girly.

"Yeah well, didn't want to disappoint." I give her a little kiss and spread the blanket out on the concrete. She sets the basket down and then sits next to it. I lay down across from her, so I'm on my side, facin her so I can see everything. I don't wanna miss a second of this. I never wanna miss a second of anything that has to do with her. Everyone is waitin for the big fall out, for me to do somethin to screw all of this up, to hurt her so bad that she won't take me back, but I know none of that shit is going to happen. I look at her and I want to be so much better. I've changed so much over the years for the better because I knew that I just couldn't keep doin what I was doin. But now I want to be the best I can for her.

"So, B, what do you have packed for us tonight? Anything we can eat off each other?" She blushes and shakes her head no. God she looks so cute when she blushes. Fuck, she looks cute all the time. And dead sexy, and hot, and adorable and I think I just killed any and all 'bad girl' reputation. But that's what this little blonde thing is doin to me, she's turnin me to mush and I love every second of it.

"No, at least I don't think so." Then she pulls out some ziplock bags with sandwiches in 'em, four cans of coke, a container of strawberries, a bag of potato chips and six McDonald's hamburgers. I smile wide as she starts to split up the food. She gives me this little bashful look. "I know this isn't the best, but moneys been kinda tight so I brought what I could." I nod my head and then lean up and give her a little kiss on the lips. But one little kiss turned into another, and then another and before I really knew the fuck was goin on I have her on her back, moanin and grindin against me as I suck on the tip of her tongue. But then I pull back, my chest feels like it's gonna burst I need a breath so bad. I smile at her and tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Everything's perfect, don't worry about it." I give her another little kiss and then sit up and scoot back a little to give her some room. And just like that we go back to normal. It's like the making out didn't even happen. I start in on the burgers first, I haven't had dinner and I could eat a fuckin horse I'm so hungry. She starts going on and on about this movie that she saw that I 'totally have to see because it'll make even you cry'. Apparently she's more of a drama, romantic comedy kinda girl when it comes to the flicks. I might go see some with her but just to make out in the back of the theater. When it comes to the movies I'm a horror fan. I'll go for the occasional action flick but I like monster movies, always have always will. The only way I'll watch a chick flick is if I get a little kissage out of it. We finish most of our food, we didn't really touch the chips. Then Buffy pulls out a couple of breath mints and gives one to me. I'm not offended 'cause I'm sure with what we ate the combo would make our mouths taste nasty as hell.

"It's really nice out tonight, isn't it?" she asks and looks up at the sky. I smile as I watch her. The moon is shining down on her, makin her face and hair glow. Great, now I'm gettin all sentimental. You see what this chick's doin to me? I actually kinda like it though. I mean, I can still act all tough and badass 'cause that's just the way I am, that's never gonna change, but I can show my softer side around B, nothin wrong with that. It's not like I'm gonna climb up the side of the apartment building and wake her up by tapping on her bedroom window and then recite Shakespear or nothin. Nah, I can just appreciate the fact that she looks...angelic in the moonlight. That's not too sissy, and if you wanna disagree I'll be happy to beat your face in. "It's a little cold though," she says and shivers a little. Well no wonder she's cold. She's wearing a little sweater that wouldn't be able to keep her warm in the middle of summer, some jeans but the fabric looks real thin, and her hair is back in a ponytail so her neck is all exposed and probably gettin really cold. But I know why she said it and it wasn't just to comment on the whether.

I scoot closer to her and place myself behind her. I pull her close to me and wrap my arms around her, and let my hands rest on her stomach. She's sittin in between my legs, her back pressed up against me and my chin is restin on her shoulder. She puts her hands over mine and she lets out this little sigh and I can't help but smile. I love it when I'm wrapped around her like this. I'm sure she likes it too otherwise she wouldn't have made the cold comment. But now we're sitting in silence, both lookin up at the sky. I can't help but feel like this isn't real. This is just a dream because nothin this good has ever happened to me. I just can't believe it but I think I'll just roll with it because I don't want to spoil it. I'll be with her until I wake up, and if I never wake up then I guess I'll be happy forever.

I smile again and give her a little kiss on the side of her neck and she lets out this little giggle. She's very ticklish in lots of very interesting places. It's kind of frustrating sometimes because I'll be doin my best to try and give her as much pleasure as possible and she'll start bustin up laughin 'cause I hit a ticklish spot. She turns around a little bit so she can see my face. She just stares at me and it's not awkward like you'd think it'd be. If she wants to look at me, let her look 'cause she's getting this very girly look in her eyes and I know exactly what she's gonna say soon. Maybe not tonight but soon. She hasn't said it to me since the bus ride to Angel's hotel. But I know she does and that's all that matters. I don't need to hear the words. She gives me a little kiss and then pulls back and looks into my eyes. Yep, she's gonna say it.

"I love you." See, I told you. She loves me. Buffy Summers, the better then thou Buffy who gutted me, hated me, wanted to kill me and feed me to her boyfriend. The girl I hated with almost every fiber of my being loves me. And now that I'm thinking about it I never really hated her. I think I've always loved her even though I was too young to know what the feeling was. I hated Angel at the time because if he hadn't come back then we probably would have hooked up at some point. I thought I hated him just because he was one of the scoobies, but now that I know what love feels like I know that I was jealous. So fuckin jealous because he had the one thing I wanted. But now she's mine, and she says she loves me. And I know she means it. This is Buffy, she wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it. And now it's time to show her what a girly girl I can be.

"I'll always love you, 'til the end of forever." She gives me this 'you're so cheesy' type of look and then pulls me into a kiss that leaves us both breathless. She turns around in my arms and slowly lays down on her back, pulling me with her and we don't break apart for a second. I try to take off her shirt but she doesn't let me. I know this needs to be as quick as possible because someone could come up here lookin for us. So we leave our clothes on even though I feel like I'm gonna burn to death if I don't get t his sweatshirt off. I trail my hand down her body as she wraps her legs around me. I unbutton and unzip her jeans and slide my hands inside. She moans as I slide two fingers deep inside her. I pull back from the kiss and look at her. I watch as her eyes go from hazel to a darker color, almost pure brown but with a little green thrown in.

It only takes me a few minutes to drive her over the edge. I could've dragged it out but we gotta be quick. You never know when there's gonna be a scooby emergency or when Dawn is gonna get bored and come lookin for Buffy so she can bug her. I almost wish I did drag it out 'cause the look in her eyes is so fuckin sexy when I'm inside her. It's this deep, savage look, like if I don't give her what she wants she's gonna hurt me, but then I let her come and the look calms down and is replaced with somethin else. I'm not too sure what it is but it must be good because she always has this little smile tuggin at her lips whenever she gets it. Maybe one day I'll ask her what she feels when she comes, so far I haven't. She's tried tellin me what it's like, what she feels, what she sees stuff like that but I don't really pay attention. I'm too busy just looking at her to hear what she's sayin. But I know that I never want that look to go away. 'Cause even though I don't understand it I know that sometime soon I will. I don't know how I know, I just do. Gotta gut feeling.

(End flashback)

Yep, that's what happened. About five minutes later Dawn came runnin up sayin that Willow was on the phone and they needed us for some big scooby meeting, but Buffy said she'd make it up to me because I was so worked up. But enough about that night. I know I can't leave her, I have to stay here, even if it is in a different room, or building or whatever. I can't just go back home with our kids. I don't think I'd be able to survive without her. I know I've gone pretty soft, but that's just the way it is. I can't really remember a time when I didn't need her. Even back in Boston I needed her, I just didn't know it was her I needed. That probably doesn't make sense to you, but it does to me and that's all that matters.

I finish eating and tell Giles that I need to get out of the house for a little while. I tell him I don't know if I'll be back or not but not to panic if he hears someone movin around in the middle of the night. I look in the mirror on the wall and gussy up a little bit before I leave. I still look like shit but it's nothin a good night's sleep won't take care of. Sleepin on top of a teenage girl and then on a really uncomfortable couch isn't so good for the dark circles under my eyes, and lets not forget the bruise on my eye and cheek thanks to Buffy. But I can't blame her. She was pissed and what I said stung deep. I woulda hit me too. I leave his place and wander around for a little bit. I keep gettin these weird looks from the students and a couple of the kids. I'm not used to people lookin at me like that. Usually they look at me like I'm a monster, the bad one. Now they're lookin at me like I'm a victim or somethin. It's not as good as you'd think. It's makin me feel weak. Fuck I need a cigarette. So I go into the little shed and there standing in the exact same spot the last time I came in here is Lily, a cigarette in one hand the little gray kitten in the other. I can't help but let a little smile tug at the corner of my lips.

"We meet again." I walk in and close the door. I stand in the same spot like I did last time and she keeps looking in front of her. She's holding the little cat against her upper chest and it's sleepin. "Bum one?" I puts the cigarette between her lips and reaches into her pocket. She hands me the pack and the lighter and continues to just zone out. I pull one out and light it up and put the pack and the lighter in my pocket. She seems to be real far off, might as well let her be. I wonder what she's thinkin about. Oh well, I don't really care too much. I have my own shit to worry about. Like what I'm gonna say to B. I can't just walk in there and act like nothing happened. This needs to be dealt with and very carefully or else we could have another big blow up and I really don't want to start fighting with her again. I don't want to put everyone through that, especially Mattie. He doesn't needs those kind of scars.

I know what it's like to go through that. To stay up at night listening to your parents fighting, all night long, sayin some horrible shit, shit that no kid should ever have to hear. I know we put him through that before, but he doesn't really remember any of it. He just remembers that we fought and I went away, he doesn't know the finer details. He doesn't remember me callin B a self-righteous bitch, or me tellin to her rot in hell. And I don't wanna think about the shit she said to me 'cause that'll just get me pissed, but it was pretty bad. We said things just to piss each other off, just to cut a little deeper, to make it sting just a little bit more, and it worked, and I ended up livin at Xander's for a little over three months, gettin drunk every day of the week, and sobering up on Friday so I could have a good weekend with my kid. And Sunday night I'd get completely wasted to forget the look on his face and the sound of his voice when he'd ask when I was comin home. I'd drown out the sounds of him cryin as I put him in the car seat to send to him back to Buffy's. And all week I'd get drunk to forget about everything else.

I drop the cigarette butt in the metal drum, I've been in here way longer then I thought. I must've really zoned out there. Lily's still just standing there. Every few seconds she'll take a little drag of her cigarette but it's almost all gone. Seriously, what the fuck is she zonin out about? Should I say something to her? I'm not good at the comfort thing at all, at least not with anyone other then B. But even that took some time to get used to. But I don't say anything as I look at the expressionless face of the teenager standing in front of me. She's gone through a hell of a lot more then I thought. Growin up rough, maybe, but not what happened to her. Not getting enough love as a kid is tough, I know, but being loved and then havin your heart ripped out...I can't even imagine that. And then to lose a baby on top of all that...no, I have no clue what she's goin through. But maybe things will get better. Maybe now that she talked about it and has the cat to love, maybe she won't be so...closed off.

Alright, enough of this standing around shit, I need to get my ass goin. I give her one last glance before I leave. She never said anything so I guess it's ok that I was silent. I mean, it's not like we're friends or nothin. We had one drunken night of confessions, that doesn't make us best friends. So I walk down the little trail and towards the house. I keep gettin slower and slower the closer I get until I finally come to a stop about forty feet from the house. I can see Buffy through the window. She's sitting at the kitchen table feeding Addy. Mattie is sitting in the chair next to her eatin his dinner, there's a plate full of food in front of B, I guess the baby started cryin before she could eat her dinner. I can hear Tucker barking in the backyard. He's been doin that a lot, I guess he can feel the hellmouth too. Well, I guess it's now or never. Ok, well it's now or later 'cause I have to go back, there's no way around it. I walk up the two steps to the porch and try to open the door but it's locked. Fuck, I left my keys at Giles'. I bite my tongue and swallow my pride, and gently knock on the door four times.

I can hear a chair being scraped against the floor as someone backs up. It's B, 'cause she just told Mattie to keep eating his dinner. I can hear her light footsteps walking across the linoleum and then the almost silence when she reaches the carpet. I can hear Addy snort and grunt, she doesn't like it when you walk around when you're feeding her. She likes to be in one place when the bottle is in her mouth. I smile a little but make it go away when I hear Buffy's voice. Why am I so damn nervous all of a sudden? It's not like she can keep me out forever, this is my house too, their my kids too. Yeah, things'll be fine. Maybe a little tense, but that's expected. Until we talk and clear the air and come to an understanding and have that hot make up sex I was talkin about earlier things are gonna be tense.

"Xander, I told you I'm fine." She unlocks the door and starts to open it. "You don't have to...oh." Oh? That's her big reaction to seeing me? I wasn't excepting that, that's for sure. Maybe an angry glare, possibly even some yelling, but not 'oh'. "Um...I didn't think you'd be back so soon." Yeah, that's obvious by the look on her face. "I, uh, made dinner." I raise one eyebrow and give her a very suspicious look. "Ok, so I heated up some T.V. dinners and then put the food on some plates so it looks like I made dinner." I smile, there's the Buffy I know and love. Can't cook worth shit but tries to make it sound like she can. But I know her too well. "I can heat you one up too, if you're hungry." She looks as nervous as I feel right now.

"Nah, that's alright. I had dinner with Giles so I'm kinda full. Maybe he can teach you how to cook, B, he's pretty good at it." I give her one of my disarming smiles and make sure to flash the dimples, she likes it when I do that. She gives a little smile and rolls her eyes. And why am I still standing out here on the porch? I sorta thought I'd be in the house by now. "Um...can I come in?" She gets this look on her face like 'why didn't I think of that?' I try not to smile but it doesn't work too well. She steps aside and I walk into the house. I can feel the tension pile up and it's hard to breath for about a second but I get it under control. Mattie turns around in his seat and his face lights up.

"Mama!" he yells. He jumps off his seat and runs towards me. I brace myself, bend down a little and open up my arms as he slams into me. I wrap my arms around him and lift him up. I hug him tightly and if I weren't a slayer then he'd be chokin me right now. He's got a really good grip. He rests his head on my shoulder and I can feel his breathing against my neck. "You're not leaving again right? Mom said she made you leave, you didn't want to but she made you. And you're not leaving are you?" I can feel some tears sting at the corner of my eyes. If we can't get this worked out then I might leave this house, not this facility 'cause I'm not leavin my kids but I know what he means. He wants me here with him and Buffy and Addy. And even though I feel real bad about it I have to lie, 'cause that's what parents do, we lie to protect our kids from hurt.

"No, I'm not goin anywhere. You're not mad at your mom are you?" I hear him whisper 'a little bit' and I can't help but sigh. I don't want him mad at Buffy, there are going to be plenty of times in the future when he'll be pissed at both of us, I don't want it to start now. We got the teen years for that. "Well don't alright? I know you missed me but it's not her fault." He leans back in my arms and I give him a little kiss on the lips. He smiles wide and gives me a kiss on the cheek. He sure is an affectionate little guy. "Go finish your dinner, ok? I need to talk with your mom." He nods his head yes and I put him down on the ground, but he doesn't move. He looks passed me and I follow his gaze. Buffy's zonin out, starin straight in front of her, a distant look on her face as she thinks about...whatever it is she's thinkin about. I walk up to her and gently touch her arm. She jumps a little, I scared her, now that's pretty funny. I smile a little but make it go away. "Hey B, can we talk?" She nods her head and we make our way to the bedroom. I really, really hope I didn't just lie to my kid.

BPOV

She came back. She actually came back. I wasn't expecting her to be back until tomorrow, the day after that tops, but I wasn't expecting this. And she doesn't seem mad. I thought she was gonna be mad. But she seems fine. She even tried to get Matthew to stop hating me. He hasn't talked to me much today. After we had our little talk at breakfast we went to one of the training room and he heard a lot of the girls talking and most of them were usin direct quotes of what I had said. He just looked up at me with this 'oh my god is it true?' type look, but I never said anything, I barely even looked at him, I couldn't. I'd look into those hurt eyes and I'd see the look that Faith had in her eyes when she was sitting in the snow and trying to apologize. He never asked me if what those girls said was true or not but he's been mad. When Sissy joined us for lunch he talked to her more then me, he wouldn't even tell me what he wanted to eat, he had her get it for him.

She sits down on the bed and sighs. She puts her hands on her knees and leans forward a little bit. She's tired, I can tell. A little hung over too. She looks at Addison and smiles a little and she gets this look on her face, this look of longing, I guess you could call it. I smile a little bit and hand her the baby. She looks up at me and smiles this 'thank you' smile and continues to feed our girl. But the bottle is almost empty and hopefully she won't start crying for more because once I start talking I really don't wanna stop. I sit down at the vanity mirror and turn around in the chair so I'm facing her. She looks like she's gonna speak, but I cut her off. She hates it when I do that, but I just realized that she already tried to apologize last night and I wouldn't let her, so she has nothing to be sorry for.

"Faith, don't say you're sorry. What you said hurt, it hurt real bad but you tried to say you were sorry last night and I threw you out anyway. You don't have anything to be sorry for. The fight was all my fault, I started it. You tried to avoid it, but I wouldn't stop. But you have to understand that I never meant for it to happen it just sort of did. I had the worst day ever, short of stabbing a demon and getting it's guts all over me, but it was bad." I know she's going to question me, so I sigh and start with the explanation. "There's this intern, the one I told you about back home, when I went out with the girls." She tenses up because she knows who I'm talking about. Well, not exactly who but she knows I'm talking about the one that tried to sleep with me. "She sort of came here to see how I was doing and she said some things about you. I made a comment to try and scare her off, that you get 'super jealous' when you see me talking to other women, and she completely twisted it around. And I hit her and made her leave." She gives me this surprised look because I actually hit someone who was talking shit and not just being the bigger person and walking away. "Oh, and Matthew made a snow angel, it's good, you should see it later." I smile and she chuckles a little.

"So, are you gonna tell me this bitch's name so I can pay her a little visit?" The last thing we need is her doing something like that. Giles let her off the hook for giving Lily a bottle of Jack Daniels, but I doubt he'll look the other way if the charge is assault. I sigh and shake my head no. She doesn't say anything and there's more to tell, and Faith isn't going to be happy about it and I know she's going to want to kill Holly, even though she doesn't know it's Holly.

"And later on when Matthew and I were walking around the school." She knows I'm going to say something she's going to hate because I'm drawing out my words a little bit, making them longer to hopefully avoid actually telling her. "She came up to me when Matthew was talking to one of the sophomore girls...well flirting would actually be the more appropriate term 'cause he was doing that bashful smile thing, and he turned his head and looked at her through his eyelashes and blushed." I'm babbling, completely going off topic. She knows I'm doing it on purpose and she's getting a little annoyed but she's staying calm.

"Anyway," I look away from her and pick at my cuticles a little. "She came up to me and started talking to me. It was normal at first, she tried to apologize for saying that stuff about you but I told her to just forget it. And then she started telling me things..." I pause and she glares. I'm nervous as hell, and she knows she isn't going to like this at all. I really hope Faith doesn't hunt her down and kill her because that would be bad. Very, very bad. "Um, sexual things. I punched her so hard in the face that I think I broke her cheek bone and I told her to stay the hell away from me and if she ever comes up to me again I'd kick her ass, and that you're the only person I'd ever be with in that way." She stands up and puts Addison in her basinet. She isn't sleeping, she's been staying up for longer periods of time, but Faith put her down so she could do her infamous pose. Legs shoulder distance apart, her arms folded across her chest, a look of determination and anger on her face.

"Buffy, who is this bitch?" She's really pissed off, not as bad as I thought she was going to be, but still pretty bad. Eventually I'll have to tell her who it is, there's no doubting that at this point, I owe her that much, but I can't tell her right now. Not when our emotions are running high. She might do something really stupid. She lets her hands fall to her sides and she starts to pace a little. "I can't believe you. Why are you protecting her?" Now I feel ever worst about it. I give her a pleading look and she stops with the pacing, which is good 'cause I was getting a headache.

"Please Faith, can we talk about that later? I'm trying to apologize here." I know she wants to say something sarcastic, that's just how well I know her, and I should have worded that way better, but I didn't so we'll just have to deal with it. I really need to start filtering the words that come out of my mouth a little more closely. "I'm sorry...for everything. I'm sorry for the fight, I never meant for any of that to happen. I'm sorry for all of the horrible things I said. I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me. I had no right to say any of that stuff." She gives me this 'no shit' type of look. "I don't want to try and make excuses for the way I behaved. I treated you horribly. You don't deserve that, not after everything you've done for me." She sits down on the bed again and runs her hands through her hair. She sighs but she doesn't say anything, this is starting to freak me out a little bit. There have been no sarcastic comments, no interjections, nothing. She's been totally silent, except for the sighing. I get up and kneel in front of her. I put my hands on her knees and I look up at her. She looks a little surprised, so am I a little. I've never done this before.

"Please, baby, forgive me. I'm so sorry. Can we just put all of this horrible stuff behind us?" She sighs again but doesn't say anything. I think she wants to say something. She has this look on her face like she's dying to tell me something, but she's afraid to for whatever reason. Or she just doesn't know how to put it into words. I know the feeling. "And with the wedding coming up pretty quick, it's going to be in May that's only four months away and we still have so much planning to do. But I'm going to take care of all that. Dawn already promised to help since she's the maid of honor and why are you looking at me like that?" She has this look on her face, this sad, almost shy look. Ok this is really starting to freak me out. She puts her hands over mine and looks into my eyes, and takes in a deep breath before she lets it out really slow.

"B...about the wedding..." Oh my God. She doesn't want to get married anymore? She's really willing to let one fight get in the way of us getting married? Ok, Buffy, don't jump to conclusions, I'm sure it's a completely different reason. Or maybe she still wants to get married. Maybe she's decided that she wants to wear a dress after all. That would be neat. "I still want to so please don't be thinkin that I'm cancelin this 'cause I'm not. But..." Ok this whole 'pausing for long periods of time in the beginning of the sentence' thing is really starting to bug me. "I wanna wait." What? You want to what? "When I asked you to marry me I thought that we'd wait a while, maybe a year or two. With us trying to get pregnant I figured we'd be pretty busy, especially with a little baby on our hands." She glances over at the basinet and then looks down at our hands, at our rings. "I don't wanna rush this, I wanna wait. I don't wanna hurt your feelings, that's why I didn't say anything before, but that's what I want." God I feel like such an ass. All this time I was going on and on about this perfect wedding and how I just couldn't wait, I never even stopped to think that maybe Faith would have a problem with it.

"How long have you felt like this?" I have to ask, there's no way I cannot ask. She looks a little uncomfortable now. Oh God, how long has she been feeling like that? I really, really hope that this is a recent development and she hasn't been feeling…forced into this for too long. I get up off the floor and sit down on the bed next to her and take her hands into mine. The physical contact is more because of my neediness right now then for hers. I know that sounds selfish, but I really need to know that she's here with me right now.

"Since you told me you wanted to move it." God that was a long time ago. And so not the answer I was hoping for. When did I ask to move it? I have no idea. And how is it too soon? We've been engaged for a little over a year. She asked me to marry her on the Christmas before we had Addison. And we just celebrated another Christmas a little less then a month ago. So me moving the date shouldn't be too big of a deal. But she's feeling pressured and I don't want her to. "I know that this is supposed to be your special day, but I just don't think it'd be right to have it so soon. I want to be able to enjoy our engagement. I got pregnant so soon after I asked you, and then with everything else that happened….let's just wait a couple years ok?" A couple years, how much longer does she want to put this off? Ok, I shouldn't be getting mad right now, but…I'm afraid if we wait too long then it won't happen at all.

"How much longer do you want to wait?" She doesn't answer me. She just sits there thinking about it. "I know that things have been really crazy and we've both been unhappy for a little while, but a couple of years? That just seems so far away. I mean, what if we keep putting it off and then it never happens?" She gets a little panicked but she's trying to fight it. She doesn't really give off any physical indication that she's freaking out but it's all in her eyes. She turns so she's completely facing me. She squeezes my hands a little and takes in a deep breath as she tries to calm down.

"We will, I swear we will. I didn't give you this ring." She rubs the diamond on my ring with her thumb. "So we could just wait around forever. I want to marry you, more then anything, but I want to wait." She's getting frustrated, that much is obvious. She knows what she wants to say, she just doesn't know how to word it. Don't you hate it when that happens? I really, really hate it when that happens. Makes me feel like a natural blonde. "Can we just go back to the original plan? Keep it simple? Let's wait until Addy's two, ok? Wait until everything is calm again. There's somethin I need ta tell you, it's not bad so don't jump to anything ok?" I nod my head but I still have a million little voices in my mind whispering to me things she could have done. Did she sleep with someone when she was drunk before she came back to the school? "I talked to Giles about findin us a new place, somewhere with a little more…action." What? What is she talking about? "Come on, B, you can't honestly say that you're happy livin in Shasta Lake. Sure we got ties there, it was our first real home, but the slayers in us are beggin for a good slay and we aren't getting that there." She does have a point. She starts to caress the back of my hand with the tips of her fingers. She looks down at my ring and then back into my eyes.

"Let's wait until we build some new roots. Until we're all nice and moved into a more action packed city, and when we're all settled, then we can start makin plans ok? I just, I wanna wait a while. I want to enjoy being engaged before we get hitched. I'm sorry if you had your heart set out on this spring, but I think we should wait. We've both been stressed, and restless 'cause of the lack of slaying over the past few years. We're not gonna wait around forever, you will have your dream wedding, I promise, it'll just take some time to happen, alright?" There's somethin that's buggin me about what she said. I don't know why it is, it just is. I mean she never said anything to me about it, we've never even discussed it at home.

"You asked Giles to find a new house for us? How come you didn't tell me about it?" And now she's back to looking panicked. I really hope I didn't just start something. I don't want to fight again, I really, really don't. So I'll just stay calm, I'll listen to what she has to say and I won't yell, and if it starts to turn into a screaming match then I'll leave the room and go to a training room or something and beat the crap out of a punching bag for a few hours or something.

"I just didn't want to get your hopes up or whatever. He's lookin for places that have a lot of demonic activity but isn't a hellmouth. This place is drivin me a little crazy. If he finds anything I was gonna bring it up, but I didn't want to start dreamin of a new place and have him tell us it isn't gonna happen." That does make sense. No use in getting my hopes up just to be shot down. The lack of good slayage is becoming a problem, I'll admit that. Just being here is starting to make me a little stir crazy. I have to go slaying tonight for the sake of my sanity. I smile at her a little and she smiles back, I can tell she's relieved that I'm not mad for her holding out on me. I'm a little...annoyed because she kept a secret, but I'm not mad. She had my best interests in mind, that's what counts.

"A new town sounds good. We can finally get our acts together." She looks a little confused and I cut her off before she can get a word out. She hates it when I do that but I want to explain right away before she takes it the wrong way. "I mean, I know raising a kid is a full time job, but it's like we've been slacking off for the last ten or so years. We're the only one out of the scoobies who don't have jobs. Maybe moving will give us a better opportunity ya know? I could go back to college and get a degree, and you can get your GED, and then go to college or whatever. That way we won't have to depend on Giles for everything. His money isn't going to last forever and it would be nice to be financially independent." She gives me this little mischievous smile and I know she's going to pick on me about something.

"Ya know, B, if we're financially independent that means we'll have to make a budget, and that means no more shopping sprees, no more hundred-fifty dollar shoes, no more jewelry that costs as much as a small house, no more eating out at four star restaurants-"

"No more leather pants, no more leather boots, you'll have to wash your car like a normal person and without that special stuff that dries itself, no more leather cleaning products, no more spontaneous movie dates." Ha! By the look on her face I know I've beat her at her own game. The movie dates, you're probably wondering about those right? Well, it hasn't happened in a while because of all the stress but sometimes Faith will take me out to a movie, no warning or anything. She just grabs her keys, tells me to get my purse, we drop Matthew off at Dawn or Willow's house and we go to the movies and make out in the back row.

"Ok, well maybe we can set some money aside in a savings account for special occasions." She gets this little smile on her face but then it goes away. She's thinking now, about something serious. Her eyebrows are wrinkled just a little bit, and she's not smiling anymore and she's looking down towards my side but her eyes are out of focus. Then all of a sudden she flings herself backwards and stares up at the ceiling. "Being a grown up sucks. Budgeting, staying home changing diapers instead of goin out to a club, being puked on when they're sick, getting up at three in the morning when they're hungry." She keeps talking but I stop paying attention. I lay down next to her and rest my head on her shoulder. I put on leg over her thighs and hold on to one of her hands.

"Seeing the look on their face when they wake up from a nap." She stops talking and gives me a little kiss on the forehead. "How they smile when you make a funny face. The feeling when you rock them to sleep and they're in your arms looking like they don't want to be anywhere else. They way they cry for you when they're scared or hurt. The way their face lights up when you show them something new that they think is interesting. You're saying you'd rather be out spending money and dancing with a bunch of horny boys then being home to enjoy all of that?" She's quiet for a few seconds before she sighs.

"Well, when you put it that way...nah, I'd rather be here. I don't mean to ruin this good moment we got goin, but the fight, officially over?" I prop myself up on my elbow and look into her eyes for a few seconds. I lean in and kiss her. Our tongues instantly meet and start to battle with each other and I'm winning. Once I do that little swirly thing that she loves it's all over, she might as well be melted butter. She moans and her legs spread open a little. I put my thigh in between her legs and she gently lifts her hips up and rubs on me a little. I pull back and we're both panting, me more then her. She gets this little sarcastic smile on her face. "Ok, so is the fight over 'cause I don't know how comfortable I am with the thought of you using sex to try and distract me from getting this fight over with." I roll my eyes and kiss her again and after a few seconds she pulls away. She looks into my eyes and lightly caresses my cheek. "I love you." My heart just stopped beating. Don't believe me? Well believe it. It's not beating anymore. It's very rare for Faith to just come out and say that. Sometimes she'll say it back to me when I say it to her, other times she'll just kiss me really deep because she doesn't like throwing that word around. There's only been a couple times when she's said it first.

"I love you too. I missed you so much. I had a really hard time sleeping without you here holding me. Let's not fight ever again, ok?" She nods her head yes and I kiss her again. It's growing in passion and everything is just slipping away. It's only us here, no one else exists right now. All that I can feel is her skin against mine, her warmth against me, her legs wrapping around mine and her center lightly grinding against me. I pull back for a couple seconds to catch my breath. I don't even open my eyes before diving back in. I love make up sex with Faith. It's one of my favorite things in the entire world. I don't know what it is about make up sex that is so great. Maybe all of that anger that you let build up gets put to better use? I don't know, but it's yummy and she's yummy and if I don't taste her soon I might just die.

"Mama, I don't feel good." I pull back and look towards the door. Matthew is standing there, staring at us. He doesn't look so good at all. His face is a little pale, he looks like he's sweating, and his eyes are red. He played out in the snow again today, I guess we stayed out for longer then we should have. It's probably just a cold, possibly the flu. I don't know. He was fine all day until about an hour before dinner he started complaining about his stomach hurting. I roll off of Faith and we sit up on the bed. She reaches out her arms towards him and he walks up to the foot of the bed. She reaches down and lifts him up by his armpits and he sits on her lap, his head is resting against her shoulder and she's stroking his hair. I reach over and feel his forehead. He has a little bit of a fever, nothing hospital worthy.

"Poor boy doesn't feel good. You wanna sleep in here tonight?" I ask and he nods his head yes. I give him a kiss on the back of the head and give Faith a 'we'll try again later' type of look and she rolls her eyes. I know she's a little frustrated because she likes make up sex as much as I do, but I know she'd rather be comforting him since he's not feeling well. I leave the room and clean up a little in the kitchen. I give Tucker the left over food and he scarves it down. If he isn't careful he's going to make himself sick. Gross. Oh well, it's Faith's dog, I'll just have her clean it up if he does throw up. After I put the dishes away and turn out most of the lights and I go into Matthew's room and get a pair of his pajamas. I walk down the hall but stop when I get to my bedroom doorway. I see that Matthew has not only been changed into a pair of pajamas, the fire truck ones, but he's sitting in Faith's lap and she's reading to him out of his favorite book.

"'The Piglet lived in a very grand house in the middle of a beech-tree, and the beech-tree was in the middle of the forest, and the Piglet lived in the middle of the house.'" That's not his favorite chapter out of that book but whatever. He's leaning up against her and looking at the pages of the book as if he's reading along with her. His reading has improved a lot, he can read some but it's taking time. These types of things take time, but he's getting better. Hopefully he'll like his new school and things will get ever better. He starts on Monday and I really hope he's accepted. Kids this age can be very mean and he isn't shy about joining a group, and he'll try to get along with the others. At least in theory. He's never switched schools before so I don't know how he's going to react to it.

"'So they went on, feeling just a little anxious now, in case the three animals in front of them were of Hostile Intent. And Piglet wished very much that his Grandfather T. W. Were there, instead of elsewhere, and Pooh thought how it would be if they met Christopher Robin suddenly but quite accidentally, and only because he liked Christopher Robin so much.' Feel better baby." She stops even though the chapter isn't finished. I've memorized this book too ya know. He's already asleep. Well that was fast. She gives him a little kiss on the side of the head, puts the book down on the nightstand and lays him down on the bed. I set the pajamas down on the dresser and sit at the foot of the bed. She looks at me with this look like 'I could sleep for a week'. I know the feeling

"Ok, so for the record: I'm sorry for all the shit that happened, the fight is officially over, we'll put the wedding off for a couple of years and if Giles finds a place that is full of demonic activity but is also a nice town for kids then we'll talk about it. I'm tired, are you tired?" I ask and yawn widely as I stretch my arms above my head. She yawns and nods her head. We change for bed, I don't know when Addison passed out but she's snoring now. We shut off the bedroom lights and crawl under the covers. We lay on either side of Matthew and he's squished in between us. He's lying on his side facing Faith and his head is buried in her chest. Is it wrong to be jealous of a six-year-old? 'Cause I think it is. I look into her eyes and she stares right back. "I love you." She smiles and holds onto my hand and brings it up to her mouth and kisses the knuckles. She can't always say it but I know she feels it. And that's the important thing, isn't it?


	19. The New House

**Six Months Later**. BPOV

It feels so good to get out of that damn car and stretch my legs. We've been driving for hours, I've lost count of how many. Probably thirteen. Ok so we haven't been driving for that long but it seems like it. Then again I wouldn't put it passed Faith to drive for thirteen hours straight, she's just so anxious to get to where we're going. So here's what's been going on for the last few months. After we got over that big fight things were great. Lily was finally starting to listen. Now that she finally had something to lose she was willing to follow the rules. Giles said that if she kept acting the way she was then he'd get rid of the cat. So we were at the slayer facility until April. We wanted to make sure that she wasn't going to do go for a while and then start to slip again. But once everything was back in order we went back to Shasta Lake. Giles was looking for a place for us and we really didn't want to leave until he found something but we wanted to get home so bad.

Matthew was really happy to go home, but it took a little while for Addison to get used to it. She was five months old when we moved back and she had gotten used to living in Cleveland. But she adjusted. We didn't really do anything special for our birthdays but for Valentine's Day, Faith had Sissy watch the kids and she took me out to a very romantic restaurant and then we stayed at a hotel and made with the hot lovin all night long and in the morning she ordered me breakfast with a side of chocolate fondue and we took turns eating it off each other. So all in all it was a very great Valentine's Day. I mean, we've had better, a nice quiet night at home would be nice but we can't do that anymore.

We spent our anniversary with the kids. She made the stuffed shells and we had some wine and we did make love, but it was after we put the kids to bed. And then April rolled around and we weren't needed in Ohio anymore so we left. And it was so good to be home. Matthew was happy to see all of his friends again, and I was glad to be back in my city. I may not like it a whole lot because of the boringness of it, but it's still my home. We rested most of the time. Faith would drop Matthew off at school and then she'd come home and we'd play with Addison. She's a very independent little baby. If she's playing with her toys and you pick her up just to talk to her or something she'll start crying. She only accepts affection when she reaches out for it. I get a little...upset when she cries when I'm trying to give her a kiss. Faith just says that she'll outgrow it, but I don't think she will. And I was right because now she's eight months old and she's gotten worst now that she's crawling.

"This is the place," Faith says as she gets out of the car. Yep, this is the place. 2318 Jay Road in a town called Lincoln in the state of Nevada. Giles called us and told us about the place, e-mailed us some pictures too. Dawn's going to watch the kids for a couple of days while we check this place out. It looks really nice. One story, one thousand nine hundred square feet, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a wrap around porch. The outside is a light yellow with white trim, there are a lot of windows, which is nice. Giles says he's going to pay for the house since I do plan on going back to college and getting a job when I graduate.

Anyway, back to the house. It's the very last house at the end of a dead end road. It seems really nice, a really nice quiet neighborhood. And from the looks of it almost every house on this block has at least one kid living in it. Faith shuts her door and walks around the side of the car and stands next to me and takes off her sunglasses. "Bigger then I thought. Do we really wanna live in the middle of fuckin suburbia? I mean, fuck look at this place. If any of these yuppies had an original thought the world would fuckin end...for good." I look down the street first to my left then to my right. A minivan in every driveway, perfect lawns, perfect houses, everything is just perfect.

"It's either this or New York and I'm not living in a big city. Besides we already did a little research on this town. The demon activity is pretty high. I'm surprised Giles doesn't have a slayer or two out here already. Someone has to protect this town, might as well be us since we're looking for a new place to live." She gives me a weird look. I was the one who kept saying on the drive here not to get attached to the house because we might not get it or we might not move at all. "I know what I said earlier, but I mean, look at this place. It's really nice. And big. We're going to need big. And there's no hellmouth, just lots of evil. Come on, let's go check out the inside." I take her by the hand and we walk up the driveway and open the gate. We talked to the realtor before we left the house and she said she was going to leave the key in the flowerpot on the porch. And there it is. Oh, those are some pretty flowers. That's one thing we'll do if we get this house, plant lots and lots of flowers. Faith's damn dog may have ruined my garden before but I'll be damned before I let him do it again.

"Wow." Wow is right. This place is huge. I know it just looks really big because there's no furniture and once we get all our stuff here it won't be so big, but….wow. The front part of it is pretty big, a nice sized living room, an eat in kitchen, a bathroom and a washroom that comes with a brand new washer and drier. The back of it has three supposedly great sized bedrooms and a bathroom. We still haven't seen those rooms yet and we aren't going to take a realtor's word on the description of the size. The living room looks great though, nice carpet that's brand new, and a lot of really nice windows. I like a lot of windows, at least I have since we moved to Shasta Lake. Demons never attacked us at home, so no windows were ever broken on a weekly basis.

Faith lets go of my hand and does some exploring on her own. I'm still trying to picture what it would be like to live here. The couch with be facing the right wall, and the entertainment center will be up against the wall. I can picture it now: me and Faith curled up on the couch together drinking hot chocolate and occasionally kissing, Addison and Matthew playing quietly on the floor and every once in a while Matthew will look over at us and see us kissing and roll his eyes and Tucker will be lying off to the side of them sleeping with one eye open so he can keep a look out. He's so protective of both the kids, but mostly Addison.

I was kind of worried that maybe he'd never go anywhere near her because he seemed so afraid of her, but in May when Addison was six months old Faith took the two for a jog. She stopped so she could get a drink of water from a water fountain in the park and some guy walked up to Faith so he could hit on her and Tucker stood in front of the stroller and wouldn't even let him look at the baby. He let the guy near Faith and let him talk to her and even touch her on the arm with no problem, but he wouldn't let him anywhere near the stroller. Every time the guy looked at the stroller Tucker would bark or growl and when the guy took a step too close Tucker snapped at him a couple of times until the guy finally left.

Ever since then Tucker isn't afraid of her anymore. He still gives her her space but if he's lying on the floor and she crawls up to him he won't move away from her. Which would probably be the better idea because she can be mean. I thought I had a hard time teaching Matthew to be nice to my cat before she ran away, but he seems like a little angel compared to what his little sister is putting that poor dog through.

"You gotta come see this." Faith says snapping me out of my little zone I had been in. She grabs me by the hand and practically drags me into the kitchen. And this is a really nice kitchen. Plenty of space, nice stove and fridge. The tile and paint matched perfectly and I actually like it. Our table will go great in here. We might need to get new chairs though. I can so picture Faith in here, hair still messy from just waking up, in her pajamas listening to some metal or hard rock band while she makes breakfast. I like that picture very much. I want that picture to come true. I haven't even seen the rest of the house and I'm already getting attached to it. Looks like I still haven't learned to listen to my own advise. I look out the window that's over the sink and I see what Faith's looking at.

"Woe, I didn't know this place came with so much space." The backyard, what I'm looking at right now, looks about the size of a football filed, only a little bigger because it's more square shaped then rectangular. "We could do so much. I could have a huge garden, or-or-or we could build a pool!" Yeah, I'm getting a little too excited about this. We might not get this place. It is a very nice house in a very nice location, I'm sure there are plenty of people who want to buy it, not just us. "I mean, it's nice, ya know? Someone could build a pool back there if they wanted and still have enough room for something else, like a really big, beautiful garden or something. And plenty of space for two little kids and a hyper dog to run around and play together." I look over at Faith and smile a little mischievous smile. "And I'm sure Tucker will like it too." She pretends to act offended as I continue to look innocent.

"I'm shocked. I can't believe you just called me a dog." She's using her over dramatic voice. That always makes me giggle. She's such a dork sometimes. Uh-oh, I think I'm in trouble now. She's looking at me with that predator look and she only gets that look for one of two reasons. One, she's patrolling. Or two, she's really turned on. What did I say that turned her on? Let's see, I made the dog comment...so she's probably going to say something about that. Maybe it's because this is the first time we've been alone in a couple of weeks. Addison has a cold so she's been sleeping with us for two weeks now. I know I should just let her sleep in her crib, but she's my little baby and she isn't feeling good. It took Faith two hours to convince me to come on this trip and leave the kids behind. "You better come and pet me, B, 'cause I think I'm in heat." Eww that was gross. But I told you she was going to say something about the dog comment. She wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me to her and plants a deep kiss on my lips. I kiss her back and soon our tongues are battling with each other. God, I love kissing Faith. It's one of my favorite things to do.

"I love you," I say as I gasp for air and rest my forehead against hers. She doesn't say anything but she caresses my cheek with her thumb. "I really want this house." She nods her head yes and kisses me again. It's more heated and passionate then the one a few seconds ago. I feel her hands on my hips and I hop up a little as she lifts me and I wrap my legs around her waist. Her hands are on my ass, kneading and stroking as she holds me up. We pull back to catch our breath a little and I look into her eyes. "Be honest, do you want this place too?" She nods her head yes and then licks her lips.

"If the bedrooms are nice then yeah, I want it too." She kisses me again and sets me down on the counter. She kisses me again and rubs the top of my thighs. She pulls back and she's smiling this playful little smile. "But right now this doggy wants her bone." I roll my eyes and giggle as she places and bunch of little ticklish kisses on my neck. She hates how ticklish I am sometimes. I understand. I'm sure I'd get a little upset if I were going down on her and she started cracking up when I'm doing some of my best work. I've done that a couple of times and she tries her best not get mad but she does a little. I freeze when I hear he front door open. What the hell? No one's supposed to be here today. The realtor said we could have a look around by ourselves.

"Hello? Anyone here? Ms. Summers? Ms. Lehane? It's Becky Davis from Remax." Faith jumps back and helps me down from the counter. When did she unbutton my shirt? Dammit Faith. This is all her fault. If she weren't so sexy and tempting I wouldn't be having a panic attack trying to get these stupid buttons rebuttoned. Ok, I sound childish. This isn't her fault. It's my stupid libido. If I weren't as horny as a teenage girl I never would have almost had sex on the kitchen counter of a home I don't even own. Ok, good the last button is in the little hole. And the hair wasn't messed up. And we both look presentable. Good. I nod my head at Faith and smiles and takes a hold of my hand.

"We're in here!" We walk out towards the living room and see the realtor standing in the doorway. She smiles really wide when she sees us. She also notices that we're holding hands and her smiles fades just a little bit. If I had a dollar for every time that's happened to us I'd be a very rich women. "Hi, I'm Faith Lehane, this is Buffy Summers." Wow, and Faith is taking it in stride. I guess she knows she has to play nice with this lady if we're going to get the house. After the introductions she gives us the grand tour of the place. She isn't exactly sure how much property the house is sitting on but she said she'd look it up and get back to us, and now she's showing us the bedrooms, which are very big and nice. I can already picture the master bedroom once I'm done with it. The walls will be a nice light lavenderie color with matching curtains, and the bedspread will be a light purple, darker then the walls but not by much. We'll keep the dressers and vanity desk that we have now because they're white and that goes with everything.

For Matthew's bedroom we'll let him pick the color. It'll probably be some kind of green since that's his favorite color. We'll keep his bed and all of his bedroom furniture since most of it is pretty new. I want to buy him a new toy box though because the one he has now is getting too small and it's pretty beat up. I'm sure Faith will want to build him one though. She's a pretty good carpenter, I think she missed her calling. Maybe that's what she can do. We could move here and she can get her GED and then a college diploma and then become a carpenter. She enjoys building stuff and it's a pretty well paying occupation. At least from what I've heard. Yuck, this bathroom is definitely going to have to be repainted. What is it with the old owners and liking the color peach? Or is it salmon? And why are so many paints named after foods? That's a little stupid.

"So, here's my card." Becky's voice pulls me out of my little mental rant. She hands Faith her card and continues to smile wide. At least she's doing a good job pretending that she wants to be here. Being a realtor must be very boring. "Why don't you two take a couple of days to think it over and give me a call when you've made a decision. Our last offer was for five hundred twenty-four thousand. I know that's a little pricey so mull it over-"

"We'll take it." Great, now they're both looking at me like I'm on crack. Whatever. I really want this house. I really like this city, Faith and I did a little exploring earlier before we came here. We can feel the evil this town has to offer, but it isn't driving her crazy like the hellmouth was in Cleveland. There are definitely beasties and baddies out there so it's safe to say we won't get bored. The schools are really nice, there's a low crime rate, very little violence, except for the high mortality rate, but that's because of the demons and stuff. So this is basically like Sunnydale, except everything is nicer and more expensive and it's only forty-five minutes away from Las Vegas, how cool is that? I put on my serious face and the realtor notices the change and gets serious too. "We'll offer six hundred thousand, no more no less." She gets this big toothy grin and I smile back. She offers her hand and keeps on smiling.

"I'll draw up the paperwork tonight. We have to do a credit check and if everything goes well this place will be yours by the weekend." We shake hands and I thank her so does Faith. She tells us to be in her office at ten to fill out some kind of application and we agree. "It was a pleasure doing business with you two." We leave through the front and lock the door and I put the key back in the flower pot. "So, I'll see you both bright and early." We say bye and then go our separate ways. When she leaves Faith turns to me and is looking at me with a really weird expression.

"I thought you said we were gonna wait a while? This isn't the only house in Lincoln ya know." I know that but this is the only one that I like. Ok, that isn't true because it's the only one we've looked at so far but I really love it. It just has that homey vibe. I can see us settling down here. I wrap my arms around her lower back and pull her really close to me. Our bodies are pressed up against each other and she smiles this little sarcastic smile. "Hey Blondie, you better answer my question. I don't think I like the idea of you usin sex as a tool to distract me from the problem." Problem? Since when was there a problem?

"I'm not. There is no problem. You said so yourself that if the bedrooms are nice then you'd want it. And I love it so what's the problem with me making an offer for it?" She thinks about it and I can tell she's going to argue, probably bring my temporary lack of sanity into the equation but I lean forward and kiss her before she can get a word out. She kisses me back for a few seconds and then she pulls back and smiles. I lean forward again and start sucking on her pulse point. I feel her hand bury itself in my hair as she pulls me closer. I scrape my teeth across her skin and she freezes up. She stops moving and takes her hand out of my hair. What the fuck? She pushes on my shoulder and suddenly I'm standing right next to her. I'm about to question her but then I see someone walking down the sidewalk towards the driveway of the house.

"Hi there." The middle aged man says. He's short, really short, Jonathan from Sunnydale High short. He's balding on top of his head, but the rest of his hair is a dark brown and he sounds friendly. "I noticed the realtor leaving with the big smile on her face so I thought I'd come over here and welcome you to the neighborhood." Ok maybe a little too friendly. I shift my weight from one foot to the other and stand a little behind Faith. She gives me this weird look like 'what the hell are you doing?' And I give her my own and she reads it loud and clear 'protect me from this creep'. She steps forward and offers her hand now that he's on the porch and standing two feet in front of us.

"Hi, I'm Faith, this is Buffy." Great, she didn't even say the word 'lover'. We talked about this many, many times in the past. When introducing ourselves to new people we're supposed to say that word so the other person knows that we're together in more then a friend or relative sort of way. But I think he understands perfectly by the way I'm practically glued to her and we are holding hands. "We still have to go through a credit check but if that comes back positive then this place is ours." He smiles and nods his head. I look over at the front door and the windows on either side of it. I really do love this house.

"Well that's great. It'll be nice to have a pair of new faces around here. The last owner was a bit of a handful, if you know what I mean?" I guess we both have 'idiot' tattooed on our foreheads because without even asking what he means he starts to explain. "He was always doing something to upset the neighbors. Loud noises, mostly from the television. He liked to watch horror movies and kept the T.V. up pretty loud. It wasn't uncommon for everyone to be woken up from an ear piercing scream at three in the morning. Those B list actresses really know how to belt one out." I give Faith a strange look and she has the same one on her face. "If you do get the house you should come to the Morrison's party that they're hosting next week. They host one every month, sort of a little get together for the neighbors. It would be a good opportunity for you to meet everyone." He seems nice, but there's just something about him that's creeping me out. I need to get away from him before I do something violent.

"Sorry to just run out like this Dwight, but we actually have a couple of places we need to be. We're staying at a hotel while we get all the paperwork filled out and if we don't' check in by five they'll give our room away." That was so not a lie. I called on the drive over here and we're staying at a Hilton Hotel, the penthouse suite. And if we don't check in by five tonight then they'll give it to the next person who asks for it. I hold out my hand for him to shake. He only looks mildly disappointed. "It was really nice meeting you though." We shake hands and he does the same with Faith. We walk down the steps and onto the walkway and he walks us to our car. He seems really nice, just a little creepy. She starts the car and we drive off. I really hope we get to the hotel soon. We left at five this morning and a hot shower and then sleep sounds really good right now.

FPOV

So we pull up into the parking lot of the hotel and I kill the engine and we both just sit here in silence. I look over at Buffy. She looks so tired. We drove for almost twelve hours just to get here. I think when we move we'll take a plane 'cause I really don't see driving for twelve hours pulling a U-haul with Mattie and Addy and Tucker in the back of the car and Buffy staying sane. Nope, the kids and the dog will drive her crazy after about seven hours. It's not that they're loud or anything it's just that Addy likes to starts shit with Mattie and they've gotten into some pretty big fights. And she's only eight months old. But she loves him, you can tell by the way she looks at him that she just wants to impress him, and to get his attention. But she still bothers him a lot, but I guess that's just her doing what little sisters are supposed to do.

"So we're really movin here, huh?" I ask and she looks over at me. I guess she's tryin to picture it in her head or somethin 'cause the look in her eyes says that she's not with me right now. Then she gets this big smile on her face and looks into my eyes. Movin here isn't a bad thing. I actually kinda like the idea of it. The house is wicked cool, nice and big and with plenty of backyard space. We are so going to build a pool, and me and Mattie are going to build a club house, 'cause what more could a little boy want then a little house to hang out with his friends? And Tucker is gonna flip when he sees how much room he has to run around in.

"Yeah, we are." And then she gets really quiet and her eyebrows scrunch up a little and she looks at me with a dead serious expression. "But if Dwight is there then we won't be going to the Morrison's parties." I can't help but let out a little laugh. I reach over and take her by the hand and kiss her knuckles a little. "I'm serious. There's just something about that guy that bothered me." Yeah, I got a bad feeling about him too. Maybe we should investigate or something. He could be a demon or just some really strange guy who needs to get laid.

"I'm sure there'll be enough people there that you won't even notice him. He's short enough to get lost in a crowd of people." She laughs a little harder then I thought she was going to. What I said wasn't that funny, but she's tired so everything I say is going to be funnier then it really is. "Besides, don't we wanna make nice with the neighbors?" She thinks about it for a few seconds and I know somethin's botherin her 'cause she's chewin on her bottom lip. "What's wrong?" I gently rub her arm with the back of my fingers. That always soothes her a little and gets her to talk.

"It's just...this is a red state, I looked it up before we left." I sigh. Not this crap again. She gives me this look, this 'will you take me seriously for more then five seconds, please?' But I won't. She's being insane. Not everyone in a red state is going to be a homophobic. "It's just, the people in Shasta Lake were pretty rude and a little mean and that was just a red county. This is a whole state we're talking about. What if everyone is so hateful that we never make any friends, that our kids never make any friends?" She does have a little bit of a point, but she's being judgmental and a little bit of hypocrite. You can't judge someone's reaction towards you based on the state they live in. I give her a small smile and cup her cheek and gently stroke it with my thumb. She leans into my hand, she looks so tired.

"I know you're nervous, but give 'em a chance ok? If they have a problem with us then we won't talk to 'em. And if their brats give our kids a hard time then we'll move to New York, we'll all fit in perfect there." She rolls her eyes and gives the palm of my hand a little kiss. I can't see how she can be so tired, I'm wired up and ready for anything. I really wanna go slayin. I can feel the demons and vampires out there and just sittin here is drivin me a little crazy. I'm sure after a good night's slay I'll be fine. "So we'll check in, go slayin tonight, and then head to the realtor's office to sign those papers. And if everything works out we'll head home and pack up. And if it doesn't work out then we'll head home and ask Giles to do any other search, see if anything has recently come on the market." She knows what I mean by that and she pulls away from me. The person who used to live in the house we wanna buy disappeared about a month ago. No one knows what happened so it could be anything. He could be a demon or vamp, or he could have died and the body is rotting somewhere.

"I wanna get a shower and go to bed, will you get the bags?" I nod my head yes and she gets out of the car. "I'll wait for you in the lobby." She closes the door and leaves. Getting the bags won't be too hard. I told Buffy she could only bring one bag, she said three and after two hours of debating back and forth we agreed on two. And she stuffed as much crap as she could into both bags. I only brought one bag. Some clothes, my tooth brush, my hair brush, some of my make up and my Christmas present. We haven't used it in a good long while, and it's gettin a little lonely. Maybe Buffy'll finally cave and let me use it on her. A bellhop takes the bags from me and I walk up to Buffy, she's standin at the front desk gettin our room keys. And you won't believe who just walked outta the fuckin elevator. What the fuck? What are they doin here? Well, this is certainly a nice surprise. I haven't seen her in forever. But by the look on Buffy's face there is probably going to be a fight. I might as well say goodbye to the idea of stayin in a penthouse suite 'cause I know we'll get kicked out.

"Faith? Buffy? What are you two doing here?" Kennedy says as she walks out of the elevator and up to us. It's not only Kennedy walking up to us. Cordelia isn't far behind. I give Kennedy a playful slap on the arm and tell her about the housing situation and she says it's about damn time we got outta Shasta Lake. And then she goes on and on about how she's livin with Cordelia now and workin for the Angel team. And then she gets real quiet and looks over Buffy. B over here has been shootin daggers at her with her eyes for the last five minutes. She hates Kennedy for what she did to Red and I don't blame her, but I'm still friends with Ken and she's just going to have to deal with that 'cause I may care for Red but Ken is still a good friend of mine. "Buffy, I know you're still pissed at me, but I never meant to hurt Will-"

"Faith I'm tired I'm gonna head on up." She hands me the extra key and leads the bellhop over to the elevator and gives me one good long glare as the doors close. I give her a little frown but look away. I look over at Kennedy and she looks a little sad. She gives me this look like 'I didn't mean to', and I nod my head. She doesn't have to explain herself to me.

"So, workin for the Angel team now? How's that workin out?" She goes on and on about how great it is but he keeps sending her out on missions so she spends more time away from L.A. then actually livin in L.A. but it's fine because Cordelia always finds a way to go with her. And it's usually whining until Angel finally gets so sick of hearin her voice he'd rather stake himself then have her around the office. "So, how's Matt? Is he here with you guys?" She sounds a little desperate but she's tryin to hide it. She loves Mattie to death so bein away from him must be killin her. Ok, so maybe not killin her but she probably misses him a lot.

"Nah, the kids are at home with Brat. We'll be here for about a week so if you guys wanna stop by and see him and Addy feel free. I'll call Brat tonight and give her a heads up." She says a little thank you and then she and Cordelia scamper off 'cause they are on a mission. They're huntin down some demon that's been huntin down other demons and takin body parts. I offered to help but Kennedy likes to slay solo, says other people just get in the way. So I head upstairs. Buffy's probably gonna be really pissed. I hope she doesn't take it out on me 'cause the way she was actin about the little surprise this trip has the potential to turnin into one big fight. The elevator doors open and all that's in front of me is a little hallway and one door. Gotta love a penthouse suite. We're the only people on this floor, we can be as loud as we want.

I open the door and take a look around. My jaw almost drops at the size of this place. It's big, huge, way bigger then I thought it was gonna be. It's just like an apartment, only huge. The back wall of the living room is nothing but a giant window and we can see the city, everything, the shopping center, the residential district, the park, two of the schools, everything. There's a huge couch against the wall over to my right, against the wall to my left is a...pause for dramatic effect...wood burning fireplace, and in front of it...another pause for effect...dark blue shag rug. I can't wait to walk around barefoot on that, the feeling of the fibers between my toes always makes me laugh. I have ticklish feet so what? There are some really cool paintings on the walls, over in the corner is a desk with a phone. Yeah, 'cause we're really going to be doing any work. After seeing this place I think we should just move in here. I walk in and close the door. It's even nicer once you walk in it.

What's that door over there? Wow. Biggest fuckin bathroom I've ever seen. And everything looks marble. I wonder if it's real. The counter top is huge and there are two sinks that look like they're made of gold. And the wall has one long mirror that has a gold frame. And only shit the bathtub is a Jacuzzi. Where the fuck did Buffy go? I turn the knobs and fill the tub up with water once it's full I shut off the hot water. Now which button do I wanna push? There are like ten different settings on this thing and all of them look like they'll be good. Oh! There's one called 'Honeymooners' let's see what that does, shall we? Holy shit. It turned on all the water jets that are on the very bottom of the tub, and the ones that will come up to my lower back and abdomen. I cannot wait to get into that tub. Great, and now I can't see anything 'cause all the bubbles. Oh well, I'll just have to move around until I find one worth sittin on. I strip off all my clothes and put them out in the living room, on the couch. I guess the bellhop took our bags into the bedroom 'cause I don't see 'em anywhere.

I open up the bedroom door and holy shit this room is nice. Everything is red. A deep dark red, and there are unlit candles all over the place. The bed looks so comfortable. If it's as great as it looks then I'll be sleepin like we did before we had kids. I'm not tryin to be mean but I used to go to bed at two or three in the morning and be up at noon maybe even one, now I'm up at seven and down at ten, how lame is that? The curtains are closed so the room is really dark and if it weren't for my super cool slayer vision I wouldn't be able to see anything at all. I see our bags at the foot of the bed and I see Buffy, under the covers and facing away from me but I know she isn't asleep. I have to play this just right or she'll get pissed. So I put on a bathrobe that's conveniently draped over the back of the recliner. I slip one on and slowly walk over to the bed. I pull back the dark red canopy and crawl over to her. I spoon her from behind and she snuggles into me.

"Baby, come take a bath with me." I hear her grumble but her face is buried in her pillow so I can't make out what she's sayin. Hmm, maybe she really is tired. I know she looks like it but I thought that was just 'cause of the long drive. "It'll make you feel better. Come on, B, they have these special water jets that'll really calm you down." And now she's trying to shrug me off her. Great. Ok, how can I convince her to come in there with me? Oh, I know. It's perfect, she won't say no. "I'll give you a massage. Just your back 'cause I know how tired you are and it'll help you relax." She just lies there for a few seconds and I know she's thinkin about it. She lifts her head up and rests the side of her face on the pillow.

"Ok, but only for a little while, I don't want to be in there all day. I wanna call and check in with Dawn before it gets too late and I think we should do a little exploring of the town on foot before we patrol tonight. I don't want to get lost. Do you want to go out for dinner tonight, or just order room service?" Hmm, to stay in or to go out, that is the question. Ok, that was lame, but whatever. If we go out the possibility of the food sucking is pretty high since we've never eaten anywhere in this city, but the food here is supposed to be top notch. Or we could go out and have a romantic dinner for two in some quiet restaurant, maybe even go big and drive to Vegas for some real fun. Or I could go out, get some flowers and stuff and then send her out shopping or whatever and then set up a private candle lit dinner just for us and then make sweet love down by the fire, literally. I think this deserves to be judged before the court.

"If I set up somethin here that's a surprise and really romantic what are the odds of us making love afterwards?" I couldn't have said 'having sex afterwards' or 'me getting laid' because that would have been a flat out 'no' answer. She thinks about it for a couple of minutes and I gently rub her back. She rolls over so she can look at me and I notice she's already in her pajamas. They're white with little brown and black teddy bears all over them. I swear she's tryin to hold onto her youth for as long as she can.

"There's a fifty-fifty chance depending on what the surprise is. I'm not having sex on that rug in front of the fire place so get that out of your mind right now." I frown and then scowl a little bit. I really wanted to have sex there. It's too cliche to pass up. I was even gonna put on some Berry White, make it really cheesy. "Don't give me that look. In here is really nice, with all the deep colors, and these sheets feel like heaven, and I should know, I was there for four months, remember?" I smile at her little joke but I don't think it's funny. I remember when she died, Angel told me all about it. I don't think I ever felt more...alone in my life. Just knowing she was gone, that we'd never see each other again, that I'd never get to tell her everything I wanted to tell her...but now she's here with me, and we have a kick ass life together.

"Alright so it won't be on the rug, but I'm gonna need a little while to set it up so after you call Dawn tonight do ya think you can go shopping for a while?" She smiles and nods her head yes. She'll never turn down the opportunity to go shopping. And I'm so glad I don't have to go because she always makes me hold her purse. It's embarrassing. I don't even have any balls but whenever she makes me hold that damn purse of hers I always feel like she's cut 'em off and taken 'em from me. I lean down and give her a couple of quick kisses on her lips but I pull back before they get heated.

"Alright, Blondie, bath time for you." I jump off the bed and she giggles a little bit. I love makin her giggle, that means she's in a good mood and her good moods usually lead to us havin sex. I may be pussy whipped but I'm still me, and Faith is a nympho, ask anybody. I pick her up off the bed and carry her into the bathroom. Her eyes light up when she sees the bathtub/Jacuzzi. I set her down and undress her and place a quick kiss here and there as I take off her clothes.

"So, Faith, this surprise that you're planning, what is it?" She knows better then to ask about stuff like that. I may be a little dumb, never graduated high school and still can't figure out where that hour goes when we switch to day light savings time, but I can keep a secret. "I mean, I don't wanna underdress or anything." I already thought about that. I'm gonna lay out a dress for her to wear since she packed two of them, one is a classic black floor length with little straps, and the other is a little more casual. A dark blue, knee high, with thin straps, a little slit up the side of one thigh. That's the one I'm gonna lay out on the bed. And when she gets back from her shopping I'll be waitin at the door and when she opens it I'll put a blind fold on her and lead her into the bedroom.

"Don't worry, I got it all figured out." I take off the robe and drop it to the ground. I pick her up and very carefully get into the tub. I can feel the jets on my feet and it's makin walking very hard. I sit down with her in my lap and I moan out when a jet hits me just right. "Oh God, no wonder they call this the Honeymooner setting." She rolls her eyes, she's still in my lap so she has no idea what I'm feeling right now. She leans forward and I open my eyes to see what she's doin, and she changes the setting from Honeymooner to somethin else. Great, and now the jets are only on my back. Oh well, this feels pretty nice too, it just won't get me off. "So, how 'bout that massage huh?" I crack my knuckles and start to rub her sensitive back. She leans forward again to give me better access. I work my hands over her back real slow, and give her muscles a deep rub down. She really needed this. After seein Kennedy she was so tense it felt like her back was gonna snap.

"So this surprise..." She knows better then to talk about it because I'm not gonna tell her anything about it. I roll my eyes a little as she continues to talk. "Is there a special occasion that I forgot about or is it just you letting out your romantic side?" Letting out my romantic side? I'm romantic all the time. It's not like I need a special occasion to make her feel special. I have two options here: one, I can say something really cheesy lettin her know that it's just me 'letting out my romantic side'. Or two, I can pretend that there is a special occasion and freak her out. Number two will probably end up with her mad at me and I won't get any sex no matter how much of my romantic side I let out. But the first one might make her giggle. Option number one it is.

"I just wanna remind you how special you are, that's all." She lets out a little 'aww' and she leans against me. She reaches around and grabs onto my wrists and wraps my arms around her. "What about the back rub?" She shakes her head no and gives me a little kiss on my neck. She sighs and relaxes against me and she nuzzles my neck with her nose. "This is nice." She gives a little nod in agreement and I look around the bathroom. The lights are dim and if we had a few lit candles and some flowers this could be considered romantic. "Not just this, like this room or us bein alone. But everything is so...nice." I'm babbling which is so not me. I'm Faith, I don't babble. Who the hell is this idiot talkin? 'Cause it sure isn't me. "I know it don't say it enough, but..." Why do I always have a hard time sayin it? It's true, it's not like I'm lyin. I mean it, I feel it, so why can't I just say it? "I love you." She turns in my arms and I have to bite back the moan since she put some pressure on my pussy and it felt damn good. She's lookin at me with this look like she can't believe her ears.

"I love you too, baby." I lean forward and kiss her very gently. She tries to deepen it but I pull back. I changed my mind about fuckin in this tub. I wanna wait until tonight since I have everything all nice and planned out. "And I know you love me, I don't need to hear it all the time. I don't want you to say it because you think you don't say it enough." Ok, now I'm gettin a little pissed. Don't girls normally bitch and whine because they don't get told that enough? And she's telling me not to tell her that I love her? What kind of shit is that?

"I'm not. I'm sayin it because I mean it. If I didn't mean it I wouldn't say it." Ok, that came out a little harsh. When it comes to me and my emotions I'm a little...protective, I guess. It took me a long time to let Buffy in, and she knows it's hard for me to talk about my feelings and my past so she should be really fuckin happy that I just told her that, but instead she's sayin all this other shit.

"Baby don't get mad. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying that you don't have to say it because you think you don't say it enough. You should say it because you feel it." And now she's poutin. She knows I can't resist that. Never have been able to, never will. "Forgive me for being a jerk?" She leans forward and gives me a kiss. Her tongue slips out and teases my bottom lip. She's such a little tease and she doesn't even know it. I open my mouth and capture the tip of her tongue between my lips and gently suck on it. I give it a little nip and then let go completely and pull back before things get too hot in here. "What's the matter, baby? We're finally alone, don't you wanna?" And now she's feeling insecure. All these years together and she feels insecure about my horniness for her.

"I want to, God I want to, but I wanna wait until tonight. That's the rule, no sex of any kind until tonight. And that includes masturbation, ya little cheater." She gives me this mock-offended look and then a look of pure innocence and her bats her eyelashes and give me this look like 'who, me? I wasn't going to do that'. "Don't give me that look, you know you were trying to think of way to get me outta here so you could take matters into your own hand." She rolls her eyes and then turns around in my lap again and I have to bite back another moan. She sighs and relaxes against me again and I wrap my arms around her and we just sit here in silence, completely comfortable. Well not completely 'cause her ass is kinda boney and it's diggin into my thighs. I can't wait until tonight, it's gonna be pretty damn special alright, 'cause we're finally gonna put the strap on to good use.

BPOV

"I need you to sign here." Faith is the one signing the papers. I guess it's a macho thing that she be the one to do this. We're sitting in the office of Becky Davis. Our credit check came through with flying colors and the house is ours. All we have to do is finish signing these and we can head home and pack up. "And here." She signs another one of the papers. We read these over very carefully about fifteen minutes ago. The prices seem fine, and there are no hidden fees which is good because we made a great offer on it, way more then it's worth so if they charge us with other stuff I'll be really pissed off. "And here...Great, you're all done. The house is officially yours. I'll be by today to take down the for sale sign. It was great meeting you two. Can you stop by the house around one this afternoon? I can give you the keys then." We tell her that one o' clock will be fine and we leave the office.

I can't believe we're really doing this. I mean, I know it's happening, we're moving finally, but I just can't believe it. I think it'll finally hit me after we have all of our stuff packed up and the house is empty. Maybe then I'll realize that this is all really happening. Xander and his wife are staying in Shasta Lake because construction is really starting to boom there so he would be dumb not to be there. Willow moved away. She finally came back at the end of January. She moved into the slayer facility and is running the magic department now. She sold her house in Shasta Lake and got rid of her little dog because that bitch Kennedy is the one that gave it to her. I don't even think Willow took all of her stuff, most of it was thrown out because of all the memories. I feel so bad for her but she's getting better. She's not one hundred percent yet, but she's getting there. I just wish there was something I can do to help her, but there's nothing. She just needs to move on and it's going to take time. I'd kill Kennedy if I could but Faith says I need to be nice.

I don't even know why she's still friends with that whore. I know Faith's right, I won't admit it to her, but I know she's right that if Kennedy had stayed with Willow any longer then things would be even worst and she can't be with someone when she really loves someone else. I know all of that, but still. She hurt my friend and I really want to make her pay. Call it slayer loyalties or whatever. I feel this deep need to protect my friends and family, to get revenge on the people who hurt them. But I can't hurt Kennedy because it would be wrong. God, why do I have to always do the right thing? Ok, so maybe I don't always do the right thing, but still. I mean, would it be so wrong to make her pay a little? I wouldn't break any bones...ok maybe a couple. All I know is that Kennedy hasn't been a potential for a long time, so if I hurt her and she fights back it'll actually hurt. I wouldn't be dealing with a human with great fighting skills I'd dealing with a slayer with great fighting skills. And it wouldn't end well.

I can't stop thinking about last night. I look over at Faith as she steers the car around a corner. I don't know where she's taking us but I'll follow her no matter where it is. Especially after last night. I lean over in my seat and give her a little kiss on the cheek. I've been more...affectionate today then I normally am. It's just...last night was proof of what wonderful she really is. She was able to help me get passed that little strap on problem I was having. I mean, I could wear it and use it on her and it would be fine, I felt a little silly but no big deal. But whenever she would use it on me...I don't know, I just started thinking back to all of the guys I've been with and what it was like with them and I don't want to be thinking about anyone else when I'm with Faith. But she helped me get passed that. I'll do a flashback so you can see just how incredible she really is.

(Flashback to last night)

I don't know why Faith wants to use this on me so much. Sure we've always talked about using toys, it just never happened. And when I bought this I thought that I'd be on the giving end of it. I never really thought that I'd be on the one on my back while she gently thrusts inside me. Sure I get a little pleasure out of it, but it makes me a little uncomfortable. We've tried a couple of times before and all of those times ended pretty quick because whenever its inside me I can't help but think about the other people I've been with.

I'm looking passed her, staring at the ceiling and she's going really slow. I guess she doesn't want to hurt me since I'm not used to this. I want to let her do this because it makes her happy, but I just can't. It feels too weird. I can't stop remembering the night I shared with Parker. I don't know why but it just feels a lot a like. I mean, I can feel Faith's body against me, her breasts on mine and I know it's her but that night is still running through my head. "Stop, please. I'm sorry but I can't do this." She stops all movement but she doesn't pull it out. She looks into my eyes and her eyebrows furrow a little.

"Why, B? What's the matter baby?" Her voice is so husky, I love it. Just the sound of her saying that sent little shivers down my spine. Now if she'd just take this thing out of me then we can really enjoy ourselves. She brushes some hair out of my face and gives me this concerned look. And now I've made her think that something's wrong. Nothing's wrong, I just don't like this. Well, that's a lie. It's not that I don't like it, because I do. I like it and I'm thinking about someone else while I'm liking it. That's almost like cheating. I'm thinking about Parker while Faith is making me feel really good, that's just wrong. But I need to be honest with her. If I keep things from her then I'll feel guilty about it and because of the guilt I'll be a total bitch and we'll start fighting.

"I just...I can't stop thinking about him. Feeling this inside me is reminding me of that night." She gives me this look and I know she thinks I'm talking about Angel. Angel is always going to be a sore spot with us. She cares about Angel because he helped her when no one else would, and they get along ok, but when it comes to me she hates Angel. She hates that he was my first and she hates that he came back from that hell dimension because if he had just stayed gone then maybe things would have been completely different. "I just...I can't get Parker out of my mind. And I don't want to but I can't help but think about him when this is in me." I move my hips around a little to let her know exactly what I'm talking about. She's quiet as she thinks about what I told her. Why isn't she just pulling the thing out of me? I told her why I don't want to do this and yet here we are, with that buried deep inside and her just sitting there, not moving, with a look of deep concentration on her face.

"Be honest ok?" she says and looks a little concerned. I nod my head yes, she only says that when she asks something about my past. She mostly said it when we were talking about Spike. I did leave some things out because I know she hates that fact that I was with him. But mostly she hates him for taking advantage of me. It's my fault too, I let him do those things, I could have said no, I could have been stronger but I wasn't. "When you were with Riley did you think about Angel or Parker?" What? What kind of question is that? I shake my head no. I want to say something but she interrupts me before I can. "And if things didn't work out with us, if you never told me you loved me on the bus ride to Angel's, or if I had said no to us dating." Why is she saying these things? "Would you have dated another guy, if we never got together?" What the hell? Why is she asking these things? But I told her I'd be honest, so I have to be.

"Probably. But, Faith, what does this have to do with anything?" She leans down and kisses me. It's short but sweet and I feel a little more at ease. She caresses my cheek again and I lean into her touch. I would really like to know what she's up to. Why did she want to know all of that stuff? I trust her, it's not like she's going to do anything that will hurt me and if I tell her to take this out of me she will but I think I'll hold off until I know what she's planning.

"Just pretend this is real." She moves the fake cock around in a circular motion and my legs tense up. I have them wrapped around her, my heels are on her lower back, a few centimeters away from her ass. I'm looking into her eyes and her gaze is so intense. She's never looked at me like this before. It's so...intoxicating. "Pretend it's mine." I nod my head yes, for some reason I'm having a lot of trouble talking tonight. So I pretend it's hers. She starts thrusting very slowly and I move along with her because I'm not a pillow queen.

My eyes never leave hers. Normally in this situation I would stare up at the ceiling but her gaze is so powerful I can't tear myself away from it. I tighten my grip on her waist with my legs and she speeds up a little bit but just barely. We're starting to sweat, I'm covered in a thin sheen of it. I can see drops forming around her hairline. They all drip to the center of her forehead coming together to make one drop, and it slides down to the tip of her nose. It hangs there for a few seconds before it falls and lands right between my eyes. Faith smiles a little and leans down and kisses the drop away.

We're not talking, we're both being quiet which is really strange. I'm a moaner and she's a talker, but right now we're both being quiet. The only sounds are our heavy breathing and the wet sucking sounds from her cock thrusting in and out of me. I can feel my orgasm building. It's a slow process but it's great. The intensity of it all, the look in here eyes, the feel of her body on mine, all of it is almost too much. I rub her sweaty back and run my fingers through her damp hair. I'm getting so close, I hope she's close too. I don't want this to be one sided, I want her to come too, I want her to feel as good as I do right now. I hope she does. I caress the back of her neck and pull her closer and capture her lips with mine. I kiss her with everything I've got. I want her to feel with this one act how much I love her. I wonder if she can feel it.

I feel a moan form in the back of my throat and I break the kiss as every color of Crayola passes before my eyes as I come. I hear myself yell out Faith's name but it's like I'm hearing it as a third person, like I'm just a spectator hearing it from somewhere else in the room. I feel my inner walls clamp down around her appendage and I thrust upward and the base of the cock must grind against her clit because I feel her bite down on my shoulder and then I feel her come slide down the half inch or so and mix with my own. Yep, almost the entire thing is still inside me. I don't think anyone has every made me feel this good, except for her. This was very intense and mind blowing, and toe curling, but I have to admit that I like the feel of her fingers and mouth better then this.

She collapses on top of me, her face is buried in the crook of my neck. I'm trying as hard as I can to catch my breath but it isn't working. I try to gulp down the air as I turn my head a little to the side and kiss her. Since her face is still buried in my neck I'm kissing her ear, but I don't mind. As long as it's a part of her, I just need my lips against her right now. I feel her start to shake and I wrap my arms around her and hold her as tight as I can but my muscles don't want to work yet so my grip isn't very strong.

"I love you," she repeats over and over and over and over. I say it back as I continue to kiss her ear. I feel her kissing my neck and it sends little shivers down my spine. When I can control my arms a little more I gently rub her back. I want to stay here forever, with her in my arms and her arms wrapped tightly around me, kissing her as she kisses me. I love this feeling, her lying on top of me with all of her weight. I can still breathe, with a little bit of difficulty but it's not like I'm going to suffocate. I love feeling all of her like this. I feel her start to pull out. A little bit of my come that's trapped inside me leaks out. I tighten my legs on her back stopping her from moving.

"No. Stay inside me, please? I want you inside me." I sound breathless and my voice is husky. She nods her head yes and leaves one more little kiss on my neck and I feel her breathing even out as she falls asleep. "I love you, Faith." Since she's asleep she can't answer me back, but I know she would. I think she's said it to me more tonight then she has in our entire relationship and we've been together for nine years. I know she loves me, I don't need to hear it all the time. She shows me through her actions and it's good enough for me. I'm just so glad that I have her, she's mine and I'll always be hers and there's nothing on this earth that can change that.

(End flashback)

Yeah, pretty amazing huh? I love her so much. She's the greatest person in the world and she wants me, and me only. I wonder where we're going? It looks like she's taken us to the downtown area. Not that it says much. There's a mall, some other shops and a couple movie theaters. I don't know why they have two, this town is small enough that they should only need one. But oh well. And she's pulling into the parking lot of one of the theaters. Movies 10, wow, how creative. And yes I'm being sarcastic. She shuts off the engine and turns in her seat so she's facing me.

"Wanna pick a movie, sit in the back row and make out until we have to meet the realtor?" I nod my head yes and she smiles wide and so do I. We unbuckle our seatbelts but she grabs onto my arm before I can get out of the car. She leans forward and gives me a little kiss on the lips. "Wait here, my lady." She kisses me again before she jumps out of the car and runs around the front of it. I giggle as she opens my door and offers me her hand.

"Why thank you. You are such a gentleman." We both laugh and she helps me out of the car. She uses the little thing on the key ring to lock the car up after the door is closed. We walk up to the theater hand in hand and there are plenty of other people also making their way up to the ticket booth. I hope we don't get stuck in a crowded room. I hate seeing a movie when there are a lot of other people around. My slayer hearing always picks up on the whispers and giggles and stuff like that and I have trouble concentrating on kissing Faith. When I can hear people talking about us it's really hard to concentrate on what I'm doing.

Let's see, there's a good selection of films to pick from. Do we want to see a horror or thriller? No, because the screams and the sounds of people dying always distracts Faith. She's a die hard horror fan after all, I'm not so it's easy for me to ignore, but she always ends up trying to make out with me and watch the movie at the same time and she always ends up biting my tongue and it hurts. What about a comedy? No, it's hard to concentrate when everyone around you is laughing because we both want to see what's happening that's so funny. What about a drama? Perfect. The people are usually quiet and as long as there aren't any fights or anything like that it should be fine. Ok, now which one? Hmm. I haven't even heard of any of these movies before. Ok, maybe one or two but the rest I've never heart of. I look at her for help because the guy just asked me what we want to see and I have no clue. She smiles and squeezes my hand a little.

"Two for the Lake House, please." Ok, I guess that settles it. It'll be perfect. It's a drama so it'll be really easy to just kiss right through it until we have to leave. Hmm, kissing and keeping an eye on the time might be a little difficult. Then again the movie is almost two hours long, so it should be over by the time we need to leave. It'll only take about ten minutes to get there. When I went shopping yesterday while Faith was setting up my surprise I had some time to walk around the town and it is really small. It takes no more then fifteen minutes to get anywhere. Twenty minutes from one end of the town to the other. But they have it set up in such a way that the businesses are in the middle and all of the houses surround them in different culs-de-sac. And how come the plural form of cul-de-sac is culs-de-sac? I just don't get it. I think it should be cul-de-sacs, but I passed English wit a C- so I'm probably not the most reliable person when it comes to knowing these types of things, but still, I think it's stupid.

Good, the room isn't too crowded and most of the people are sitting in the middle of the room and a few up front, only two or three are in the back. We find out spots and sit down. Faith bought some popcorn at the concession stand on the short walk to this room. I don't know why she bought it, it's not like we're going to be...oh, now I see why. What a sneaky little harlot. She put the bag of popcorn between her legs so the only way I'll be able to get some is if I stick my hand in there. I guess that's why when she bumped into that guy and 'accidentally' spilled half the bag she didn't get mad. She did it on purpose so I'd have to reach in real deep to get some. Ok, I'll play her little game. Lets see how long she can hold out.

She does the cheesy thing that a guy usually does when he's out on a date. The whole fake yawn and stretch and then letting your arm rest across the girl's shoulders. Yeah, I know, very lame, but I like it. She's sweet, even if it is very cheesy. She clears her throat and shakes her hair off her shoulders but her eyes don't leave the screen. Please, if she could be any more obvious she'd be saying: 'Please, B, reach in for some popcorn so you can rub against my crotch and get me all worked up, please baby.' Well, she's about to get her wish.

I reach in very slowly and dig around a little bit. Luckily she didn't order extra butter or else my hand would be all greasy. Well, greasier I should. I take my time and make sure that my fingers rub against the bag, thus rubbing against her crotch. I feel her squirm a little. What the hell? She never squirms, at least she didn't used to. What's up with her? It's almost like I'm making her uncomfortable. She grads my arm and I stop moving my hand. She looks at me and she looks a little annoyed.

"Jeez B, we're out in public, you wanna stop molesting me?" she whispers really low so no one will hear us. She's smiling so I know she's just joking. But it still isn't nice. I start to pout and she smiles a little wider. She reaches out and holds my bottom lip between her index finger and thumb and gives it a little tug. "You might wanna be careful stickin that thing out. One day someone's gonna cut it off." I try to pull away but she won't let go. She smiles and lets out a little laugh and she leans in really close and at the last possible second she lets go of my lip and starts sucking on it. Mmmmmm, I love it when she does this.

Ok, getting a little bored here. I wanna play too. She lets go of my lip and kisses me. It's soft and slow and I want so much more. I kiss her back and our tongues start to play one of their favorite games. I feel her hand on my hip and I turn my body more towards her which is a little uncomfortable. She toys with my skin there for a few seconds and then I feel her hand start to sneak its way my shirt. Then I hear it, and I want to do something violent but I can't because everyone is entitled to their own opinion and all that other bullshit.

"Oh my God," she sounds like a teenager but she could be a little older. "That's so fuckin gross. We should complain to the management and get them kicked out. Where the fuck do they think they are, San Francisco?" I really wanna go hurt that girl. I pull back from kissing and turn around in my seat, but I can't tell who said that because there are now ten or so people, mostly teen girls, not sitting too far away from us and none of them are looking at us. I look over at Faith with this pout on my face and she knows what I'm trying to tell her. I want her to be all macho and do something about it. She shrugs and gives me a little kiss on the lips and then caresses my cheek.

"Sticks and stones, B." She always says that, and I hate it. She used to stick up for us everywhere we went. Ok, not everywhere because we usually don't act like a couple out in public, we don't hold hands a lot or stuff like that. It's not like we're trying to hide our relationship or anything we just never act very coupley unless we're out on a date, or making out in the back row at a movie theater, or if someone is hitting on one of us, then we'll act coupley so the person will back off.

"Come on, let's really give 'em somethin to talk about." She wiggles her eyebrows and I smile a little. She leans in and kisses me and I kiss her back. I hear that girl practically growl but I don't care. If she doesn't want to see this then she can just look away. I hope everyone in this town isn't like that. I really hope we do make friends and our kids are treated right by their classmates and other people that live here. I really don't want to move to New York.

FPOV

Finally, the house is ours. I can't believe everything worked out so well. I doubted we were gonna get it because our credit isn't the best. I guess Buffy offered too much for them to turn down. We're leaving the car here in Lincoln and we're going to fly back to California and pack a few bags and B and me and the kids are flying back to Nevada, and Brat and her guy are going to drive over all our stuff. Dawn wants to see what the house looks like and since she and B haven't been spending a lot of time together she thought a trip to Nevada would be perfect. And Kyle's comin along 'cause she took his balls away years ago.

We're on Giles' private jet right now on the plane ride home. Well, our old home would probably be more accurate. I'm lyin down on the little two person couch, my feet against the window and my head is restin in B's lap and I'm starin at the little light on the ceiling. Her eyes are closed but I know she's not sleepin 'cause she's strokin my hair. I really wish I could have a cigarette but Giles said if I 'foul up his jet with those horrid things' then we can't use it anymore.

I know B is worried, not only 'cause she hates flyin, but she's worried about movin to Lincoln. She just wants to be accepted like everyone else and she's freakin out 'cause she thinks that isn't gonna happen. But worst, she thinks our kids aren't gonna be accepted. I'm a little worried too 'cause I know first hand that kids can be cruel. But we won't get into that. I really don't wanna bring up those memories.

"I think I might go back to school," I say, breakin the silence. She looks at me like I just told her I wanna smoke the world's biggest crack rock. I've been thinkin a lot about what she said and I think it would be a good idea. It would be nice to be financially independent. There's no way in hell I'm gettin a desk job, but maybe somethin I like doin. Ya know, like workin at a auto shop or a bike shop. I'm good at that stuff. And they're pretty good paying jobs. And it would be nice to be a college graduate, then I'd at least have the option of getting a good job.

"I've been thinkin about what you said and I think I should go back. I mean, we both can't do it at the same time, 'cause I know how much you wanna go back to college. So I was thinkin that you could go back first, graduate and then you can be home takin care of Addy while I go back." Sounds like a good plan to me. She smiles and starts to twirl my hair around her fingers, the way Mattie does with her when he's upset or tired.

"We can do something like that. But I think it would be better if we, maybe, have Addison go to daycare while you go back to school. I only finished one whole year of college so it'll be three before you can go back and you have to work at getting your GED and then graduate college, she'll be in school by the time we're done. So I think maybe daycare would be better, and then we can enroll in something at the same time. That way by the time I've graduated you'll be starting college." Hers sounds so much better but I don't like the idea of my kid in daycare. I mean, we had Mattie all to ourselves until he was five I sort of thought we'd do the same thing with Addy. Her eyebrows scrunch a little and she looks worried. What the hell? She was just smilin and everything, why the sudden mood change?

"I don't think we'll be able to do that," she sounds a little disappointed. What? Why the hell not? We just planned it out and everything. Sure those plans weren't written in stone but they sounded good enough. "The wedding will get in the way of it all." Oh right, the wedding. I forgot all about that. "I don't think our professors will give us a week or two off from studying so we can go on our honeymoon and if we miss too many classes we'll get dropped from the course." She's gonna hate what I'm about to say but it needs to be said. I sigh and prepare for the worst.

"Maybe we should postpone the wedding." She stops moving, and tenses up. The look in her eyes hardens a little bit and I don't think she's breathing. "I know we agreed we'd wait until Addy's two but maybe we should move it until after we're both done with this whole school thing. That way it won't be an interruption or whatever, we'll be able to enjoy it and be relaxed. I don't wanna be on our honeymoon and wonderin if I failed the test I took right before we left. It'll just make things easier if we wait to have it." She shakes her head a little bit and looks away from me and starts chewin on her bottom lip.

"This is exactly why I wanted to have it last spring. Things are getting in the way. Now it's 'let's wait and we both graduate college'. And soon it'll be 'let's wait until we both have jobs' and after that it'll just be something else." She sounds a little mad, mostly she sounds really annoyed. Probably not annoyed with me directly but with the situation. My eyebrows knit together tightly and I sit up and face her. She's not lookin at me so I cup her chin and turn her head so she is.

"It's gonna happen, B. I promised you it is, so it will. But if we really wanna grow up and do the adult thing then we need to go back to school first." Wow, did I really just say that? And when did we become adults? We've matured a little, yeah, but we're still young, hot, desirable women, when did we grow up? She looks just as shocked as I do. I guess we've never really thought about it before. I know I haven't. We can't be grown ups because they're all uptight and shit, we are so not uptight. We know how to let loose and have fun. Ok I just need to calm down. I'm completely overreacting to the situation. We became adults when Mattie was born, and we wouldn't change that for the world. So this adult thing isn't so bad because we have our beautiful little babies. I guess what I said finally got through B's thick skull 'cause she looks a little embarrassed.

"I guess you're right." See, I told you. I'm Faith, I'm always right. "I'm sorry I got mad, it's just...I'm afraid if we let too many things get in the way then it'll never happen. I don't want ten or fifteen years to go by and still only be engaged. It's not a bad thing, I just want to marry you." I smile a little and give her a kiss on the lips. I feel her relax and I pull away. I hope we get home soon. I trust Brat, but something could've happened and I can't wait to see my kids again. I miss 'em. It took us almost an hour just to leave because B couldn't pry herself away 'em and I acted like leavin was no big deal 'cause I knew that if I made a big scene about it then we never woulda left. But I thought I was gonna die when we drove away from the house and I wanted to turn around and go back but I knew that if I did then we never woulda left. "Promise me that after we are both graduated from college we'll get married. No matter what else is going on at the time we'll have our wedding. Promise?" I cup her cheek and she leans into my hand.

"I promise, I'll even seal it with a kiss." I lean in and kiss her with all I've got. I pull her close to me until she's straddlin my lap. I tease the skin just above the waistline on her pants and slowly work my way up her shirt. I feel her stomach muscles quiver under my soft touch. I love it when they do that. I stop right before I reach her tit, I can feel the fabric of her bra on my fingertips. I pull back from the kiss and start suckin on her neck. She hates it when I give her hickies on her neck 'cause people can see 'em but I don't care right now. I love doin it, marking her to let everyone know she's mine. She always teases me about it, says I'm like a jealous dog but I don't care.

"Maybe I can open up my own business. I mean, I know all this martial arts stuff because of the slayer training, why not make money off it?" I don't respond, I just keep sucking and biting her soft skin. I feel her shudder and she tries to lower her body a little but I got a pretty good grip on her. I know what she's doin so I'll just go ahead and give her what she wants. I slip my hand under her bra and palm her tit and start squeezin it gently, just how she likes it. I feel her sigh and she pulls back a little and I hold back a smile. I kiss her collarbone and start nippin at it. I unbutton the first four buttons of her shirt and I nip my way down to her bra covered tits. "People will pay good money to be trained by someone with my skills. What do you think?" I sigh and look into her eyes. I see the little glimmer of mischief. She's doin this on purpose to irritate me. I just know she is.

"B, I'm doin some of my best work here and you're just talking right through it." She sighs and rolls her eyes a little. "And, yeah, I think that's a good idea. But you'll have to get a business degree before you can open your own place." What? I know a thing or two about that kinda stuff. I don't wanna talk about it, but I was taught a couple things when I was little. She looks a little surprised but I ignore it and pick up where I left off. I kiss in between the tops of her boobs and she giggles a little. She's ticklish in some of the weirdest places. And it comes and goes, she's not always ticklish in the same spot twice. She's weird but I love her.

I unclasp her bra with my teeth since she's wearing the kind with the clasp in the front. She sighs and then lets out a little moan when I start to tease her areola with the tip of my tongue. I love teasin her, it's so fun. And the little noises she makes when she starts to get frustrated gets me really hot and bothered. I kiss the tip of her nipple with one of those little barely there kisses and she puts her hands on the back of my head. Oh no, she's not gonna do that. If I let those hands stay there she'll start pushin on my head to try and get me to hurry up. I grab onto her wrists and put her hands on my hips while I lick her nipple. She shudders and I slowly take her rock hard nipple into my mouth.

"This is your captain speaking," I hear the voice boom out of the speakers from the intercom. God dammit. I like Frank, he's a nice guy but he really needs to fuck off. I'm not gonna stop 'cause of him, I just keep suckin on B and lightly nip the tip of her nipple and she shivers. "I have to ask you to please return to your seats and fasten your seat belts." Fuck off Frank. "We'll be landing in five minutes." Dammit! Fuck! Son of a bitch! Ok, I think I'm done silently yellin. Nope. FUCK! I don't wanna stop. I feel B push on my shoulders so I stop. I look over at the little camera that's up on the wall and I flip it off. I can hear Frank over the intercom and he's laughin. "Now, now Faith there's no need to be nasty. This is for both your safety. You don't wanna accidently bite it off when we start to land and have her kill you, do you?" He does have a point. I flip the camera off again. Buffy giggles and clasps her bra and buttons up her shirt and then sits down next to me and buckles up her seat belt. This is so stupid.

So we get home, we rented a car from the airport and on the drive home not only was there a shit load of traffic but we decided that since we're takin Giles' private jet on the fly back to Nevada we might as well use it to take most of our stuff. So the only things Kyle will be takin over in the U-haul are the couches, the beds, and the dinning set. Dawn is gonna drive B's car and if everything goes as planned then they'll be there about six hours after us. I look over at her and smile before I shut off the car and get out. Poor baby tired herself out by talkin non-stop. Now I gotta carry her into the house, not that I mind. I like carryin her around bridal style 'cause it usually leads to me whisking her away to the bedroom for yummy hot sex. 'Whisking her away', what the hell? I think I read too many romance novels when I was pregnant with Addy.

As soon as I walk in the door I'm almost tackled by Mattie. But he sees that B's sleepin so he backs off. I look around but I don't see Dawn anywhere, and I think Kyle is still at work so he won't be over for at least another hour maybe more. I take sleeping beauty into the bedroom and lay her down on the bed. She mumbles somethin and then rolls over onto her side facin away from me and starts to snore. It isn't loud or anything but she still is. I tried convincing her a couple years ago that she snores but she doesn't believe me, even when I put a tape recorder in the room she said that it was me doin it on purpose to make her look bad. She gets very bitchy 'round 'that' time of the month.

I walk towards the living room but I stop at the end of the hallway. I can see Mattie and Addy sittin on the carpet in front of the T.V. playin with their toys. There's this one toy a cube with a different shaped hole on each side and you have to match the shame shaped block and put it inside and when you're all done one side of the cube opens up and you can take out all the blocks. Anyway, they're playin with that and Mattie's tryin to show her the right block for the side it goes in but she's gettin a little frustrated 'cause all she wants to do is chew on the block but he won't let her. It's really cute to watch.

"No Addison." He takes the block away from her and grabs the cube. "Look, you take the square and you have to find the square on the box, see?" He finds the square on the cube and puts the block inside the little hole and she squeals as the music starts up. Oh yeah, every time a block goes through a hole there's music. But she's starting to get frustrated again because he won't let her chew on anything. And he finally gets frustrated enough that he gets up and leaves and walks over to the little toy box in the corner to play with something else. Now that the sweet moment is broken I might as well make myself known. I'm feeling a little ignored. He didn't even look up. I know he can feel me 'cause our slayer connection. I walk on the linoleum and stomp kinda loud to attract attention. Addison looks up at me and starts squealin and bouncin up and down and whinin 'cause she wants me to pick her up.

"Fine, come here ya little whiner." I pick her up and she keeps bouncin and smilin and squealin. Jeez, this kid sure does take after Buffy. I sit down on the couch and Mattie jumps up here too and gives me a big hug. Then Addison gets jealous and starts whining. These two fight over stuff, especially me and B so much. Are all little kids like this? And of course Mattie isn't gonna back down 'cause he's my little boy. They fight over me most of the time, and B gets a little mad. She's had this theory goin ever since Mattie was a little baby that I'm the favorite and I have to say that I do agree. Ok, I better start payin attention 'cause this is startin to get a little violent. "Hey, stop it." I grab Addy's wrist and she let's go of Mattie's hair and he lets go of her shirt. "Mattie, we talked about this remember? You have to learn to share with your sister." He frowns and pouts and whines and does all those other little annoying things that B usually does when she doesn't get her way.

"But it's not fair. I was here first." He's not talkin about on the couch or in the room, he's talkin about on this planet. He thinks that because he's older he should get free rein over everything. And as much as I wanna let him have his way I can't 'cause that would make him spoiled and all that other shit. There's almost nothin worst then a spoiled little kid. But I can't blame him for wantin me all to himself. I mean, it's me we're talkin about. Nah, I'm just jokin, I'm not that self-absorbed.

"Mattie, it doesn't matter who was born first, you have to learn to share." There, I got in the motherly bit now let's change the subject. "Has she had a nap today?" He shakes his head no and leans against the back of the couch. Ok, so now he's givin me the silent treatment. Alright, I'll play his little game. "Where's your aunt Dawn?" Again, silence. Ok, now it's time for the threats. B does it all the time, if can do it so can I. "If you don't answer my question and stop actin like this I won't read to you tonight." There, that'll show him. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

"She's in the bathroom. She's been sick all day. She said it's all Kyle's fault but I think she's wrong. Kyle didn't do anything wrong." I try as hard as I fuckin can not to roll my eyes. He thinks that Kyle is all that and a bag a chips, so no Kyle didn't do anything wrong because according to Mattie Kyle's second coolest person on the planet. He thinks I'm the first coolest person. And what can I say? The kids has excellent judgement. Ok, I better go check on Brat 'cause he said she's been sick all day, which means she's been throwin up. Ya know, she's B's sister so technically she can't get pissed at me if I wake her up to go check on her. Then again, I'd rather clean up puke then deal with a bitchy Buffy who woke up too early from a nap. I swear, she's almost as bad as Addy.

I give my girl a little kiss on her forehead and put her down on the ground and as soon as I stop touchin her she starts whinin. God, what is it with these kids and whinin so damn much? There must be more of B in 'em then I thought. I give Mattie a kiss on the side of his head and tell him to keep an eye on his sister and I get up and knock on the bathroom door. The first couple times there's no response, but after a couple minutes I hear someone callin out to me so I open the door. I see Dawn lyin on the floor and she looks like death. She's all pale and clammy and shit and there's dark circles under her eyes and she's shakin. Ok, now it's time to get B no matter how bitchy she's gonna get. It takes me a couple minutes to wake her up but once she's fully awake and freaked out by how Dawn looks she rushes her off to the hospital and I stay home with the kids.

It turns out that it is all Kyle's fault, he's not so perfect after all. He tried to cook dinner for her and the kids and himself of course, and it failed horribly. He didn't heat some type of meat up enough and so the middle was still a little cold and the shit was already in Dawn's system before she knew you're not supposed to eat cold meat unless it's already been cooked. The kids are fine, turns out that slayers have digestive juices that's like acid, it'll eat through pretty much anything and kill all types of bacteria and shit. Just another little perk of bein a super hero. And Dawn will be fine in a week or two, once all that shit gets out of her system she'll be back on her feet.

And just in case she's not Giles is sendin out one of the slayers to help us move. She's gonna be sayin at the local Hilton hotel and if we need her to she's gonna drive B's car to the house in Nevada. I left my Camaro there 'cause no way in hell was I gonna let Brat behind the wheel of my baby. And guess who he's sending out. Go ahead, make a guess. That's right, Sissy. God she's so annoying. She acts all prim and proper and shit like that. And it's so fuckin obvious that she wants B. I mean, anyone with eyesight and fuckin see it. She's just love to get B alone and have her way with her. Like it's gonna fuckin happen on my watch. Nope, there will be major claimin of my territory and if she feels uncomfortable with it then she can fuckin close her eyes or look away or whatever 'cause I'm not gonna stop until she fuckin knows that B's mine and she'll never be with anyone else but me.

And finally the kids are sleepin and tucked in their cozy beds. I can finally relax. B's on her way home now. After bein at the hospital for a few hours with Dawn the Brat was finally released and B took her home, she lives 'bout half an hour from here. I walk into my bedroom, draggin my bare feet 'cause I'm tired as hell. Somethin needs to be done about those kids. They get so jealous of each other and they fight. They fight! Addy is only eight months old and they fight. I just don't get it. But oh well, I'll think about that shit some other time 'cause right now all I wanna do is sleep. But I can't. It's too weird tryin to go to sleep without B here. I'm just too used to sharin a bed with her. If I tried to sleep now I'd just toss and turn and the blankets will get tangled around my feet and I'd kick 'em off and all the covers will get kicked off the bed, then I'd have to get up and fix the covers, so you see why I'll just wait a while until she gets back? So I'll just change into some boxers and wife beater and wait for her.

I sit down at our vanity and look at myself in the mirror. Fuck I look tired. I can't wait until we're finally moved into that house. I'm gonna lay down on my bed in my new bedroom and just sleep for days. Sissy can help take care of the kids while I sleep. Now there's an idea. Have Kyle, Sissy and Dawn watch the rugrats while me and B just lie in bed for a day or two. Dawn can cook for us and we'll only get up to go to the bathroom, everything else we might need will be brought to us. Yeah, I like that idea. It'll never happen, but I can dream can't I?

Finally B's home. She sounds exhausted. At least I'm not the only one sufferin from this day. But this is nothin compared to what's to come. We have to pack up our lives and move them to another state. It's going to take so long to pack up all our shit. I don't know if we'll be able to fit it all in the jet without goin over the weight limit. And there's so much we need to do. We have to call the electric company and the gas company and all those other people and tell 'em to shut everything off. And then we gotta take Tucker to the vet and get him updated on his shots and shit 'cause in Lincoln it's a rule that all animals comin into the city be healthy and have all their vaccinations. That's gonna be a pain in the ass. But oh well. I'm the one who wanted this, so I guess I'll just bite the bullet with a smile 'cause if I complain then I'll hear a round of 'I told you so' from Blondie over here. Oh she wants to move just as much as I do, but she keeps sayin how it's gonna be a hassle, especially Tucker, and I keep tellin her it's not. I am such a bad liar.

She walks into the room lookin tired as hell and she's carryin two glasses of wine. What the hell? She doesn't drink, unless it's a special occasion. And she wants me to drink with her? Did somethin happen at that hospital that I should know about? Is there some type of body switchin demon runnin around. 'Cause I could use some real competition other then those weak ass vamps. Hmm, I wonder if Giles is gonna send another slayer out here. Well, I feel bad for whoever gets stuck out here. I give her a questioning look as she sets the glasses down on the dresser and starts to change into her pajamas.

"Dawn's going to be fine, they pumped her stomach and put her on some antibiotics and luckily it was just in time otherwise there would've been nothing the could do about it and she'd have to get over it herself and possibly die. I was freaking out for a little while there." That must've been hard. After goin through what she did with her mom and then seein Dawn like that. I understand why she freaked out. "I was stressing so much that a doctor at the hospital said to drink half a glass of red wine to help calm me down, otherwise I won't get any sleep, well maybe sleep but it'll be me tossing and turning and accidentally kicking you." She does that sometimes, it's irritating as hell. She picks up the glasses and walks over to the bed and I pull back the covers so she can crawl under. When she's nice and comfortable she hands me a glass and we take a few sips of the stuff. Mmm, not bad.

"Don't worry, she'll be fine. How 'bout tomorrow we pack a lunch and have a picnic in the park?" She looks at me like I just told her I wanna shoot heroin. "You like doin that kinda stuff and we haven't taken the kids to the park in a couple weeks. It'll be nice. Just the four of us, relaxin in the shade. Mattie runnin off to play with the other kids, Addy spillin juice all over the place and then laughin about it. I'll even feed you grapes, it'll be adorable." She laughs a little and takes another sip of her drink and puts the glass down on her nightstand.

"Yeah, lets do that. I want to be as relaxed as possible before all the craziness starts. While Dawn was getting some tests done I needed to keep my mind busy so I made a few calls." Hmm, what is she up to? "We have until the end of next month to be packed up and moved out 'cause that's when they're shutting everything off. So we don't have to move everything at once. And since Giles said we can use the jet any time we want we can even make two or three trips a day. So I was thinking that we can start putting things in boxes next week and take them to the house, and we'll only keep here what we'll really need so when we leave for good we'll just take that stuff with us. Ya know, like keep out four plates and bowls and a forks and spoons and knives, stuff like that, we can eat mostly take out, so when we have to drive to the airport that one last time we'll only have two maybe three boxes with us." Sounds like a plan to me.

"Yeah, that sounds alright. I'll take Tucker to the vet this weekend, just to get it over with. I don't think I've met a dog with as much fear of the vets office as him." We both kinda laugh and she gulps down the rest of her wine and just sip at the stuff still left in my glass. I am feeling more relaxed, I gotta admit. Maybe we should do this more often. Ya know, on the nights when we're too tired for sex. 'Cause I'm thinkin drinkin this stuff and then tryin to get it on, not such a good idea. One of us might fall asleep in the middle of it. Now that would suck so fuckin much. Alright, it's time for sleep, that sounds nice. I never realized how comfortable this bed is. Mmmm, sleep is good.


	20. The Morrison's Party

I'm sorry it took so long to get this story updated. I had a case of writer's block but I'm over it. I'll try to have the next chapter posted a lot sooner then this one was.

And for alison if you're reading this: all of the information about the house I got out of an add in the newspaper I subscribe to. I added a couple thousand to the price because I gave them an acre of property but I didn't change the size of the house and yes the price for it is ridiculous. All the prices for housing in Northern California are very high, it should be criminal.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the update.

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**One Month Later.** FPOV

And we're on our way. We left earlier then we originally thought we were goin to. We just wanted to get out of Shasta Lake so bad. Over the last couple weeks me and B have been stayin in Lincoln for a day or two while we unload our stuff. I got the good idea of goin ahead and takin our dressers over and just keep a few outfits at the house in duffle bags. The washer and dryer still worked so why not just wear the same clothes over and over for a couple weeks? So that's what we did. I'll admit only to me and you that I had ulterior motives. Since we weren't packin up everything at once and moving it all over we didn't need Sissy's help, so she didn't come to our house, which means I didn't have to hear her annoying voice and watch her hit on B. I'd like to go ahead and congratulate myself on a job well done.

And since we were stayin there we figured we'd go slayin just to get a feel for the town. And it was fuckin awesome! The first night we were walkin down this jogging trail in these woods on the outskirts of the town and after walkin for about an hour we found this lake, not very big and not far off was a stream flowin into the lake and the water looked clean enough and it only took me fifteen minutes to convince B to go skinny dippin with me. After a little bit of beggin I decided the only way I was gonna get her ass in there was to make it seem like a challenge. So I stripped down and ran in and while I was wadin around I turn back to her and said 'you aren't scared are you?' and she was buck-naked in a matter of seconds.

So I'm swimmin away from her 'cause I dunked her head under the water and I look over at the shore and I see this huge dog just sittin there staring at us. Only it didn't look like a normal dog, it looked like a werewolf. And I was so busy lookin at this thing that I didn't even hear B come up behind me and she dunked my head under the water. But when I came back up she's all worried and shit because she finally saw it. So I had her distract the thing by splashin around a lot and I swam over to the shore at least forty feet away from the thing. So I was fuckin bare ass naked, not a stitch on me, and I was tryin to sneak around but this thing must've had advanced hearin or somethin 'cause it looked over at me with these big bright green eyes that were glowin and shit.

I fuckin froze, I had no fuckin clue what to do 'cause the sword I brought with me just in case we ran into somethin like this was on the other side of the dog. Then he stood up and this mother fucker was almost five feet tall. And he started runnin at me, I could hear his paws push off the ground and his nails scratch the dirt as he got closer and closer. I tensed my legs up and I waited for him to get close enough and at the last possible second I jumped over him and did a somersault and jumped back up and turned around. I had dirt all over my fuckin back now and it felt gross. Anyway, this thing skids to a stop and turned around and he looked pissed. He growled so loud that some bushes right next to him shook and he charged at me again.

And I waited again just like last time only I side stepped away from him and then jumped on his back. I didn't want this thing to bite me since I had no fuckin clue what it was. So I was holdin onto its fur for my life and he's buckin and runnin around tryin to get me off him. I wrapped my legs around his middle and gripped onto him pretty tight. He was barkin now and it sounded so fuckin weird, deeper then a normal dog's and a lot louder. Anyway, so I let go of him with my hands and grabbed onto his chin with one hand and the top of his head my other, and I could feel with the bottom of my foot that this was a very big boy, and I twisted his neck really fast and it snapped just like that and he fell to the ground, only he fell to the side so he had one of my legs trapped under his body. It took me a couple minutes but I finally got it free.

You have no idea how fuckin great it felt to fight somethin like that. No weak vampires for me anymore, give me the big and nasty. And I was so worked up after that slay, I could feel my blood flowin and rushin down to my pussy and before B could get out a word I jumped her and we had hot, wild, post slayin sex in the bushes by the lake. After we washed ourselves off we got dressed and put the dog thing's body in the bushes and B got a fits full of its hair and when we got home she sent it to the slayer facility so they could hopefully tell us what it was. Turns out the thing is called an 'il cane de morte', which according to is Italian for dog of death. Lincoln may be small, and seemingly boring, just like Sunnydale was, but it has lots of demons and vampires to keep me and B busy.

"Sister stop!" Great, what are they fighting about now? They're sittin on the floor with some toys next to 'em and Addy keeps tryin to take Mattie's even though she has at least six next to her. But it doesn't matter, she wants what he has and she's not gonna stop buggin him about it. B puts down the magazine she was flippin through and sits down next to 'em and keeps Addy busy so Mattie can play with his toys. And this is just a little taste of what's to come. When Addy starts walkin it's gonna be hell.

Ya know, our backyard is way fuckin bigger then our old one, and even with the pool B wants to build we're still gonna have plenty of room. And I know it isn't gonna be for a while but maybe I should get Addy a puppy for her birthday. Somethin small and fluffy 'cause she's a girl and most girls like small dogs. Then again I think somethin bigger would be better. A little ankle bitter wouldn't stand a chance against her. Maybe another retriever or a shepherd or somethin.

I can't wait to get there. Dawn's still a little weak from the food poisoning a couple weeks ago so she and Kyle aren't drivin over like we planned. Last week I drove B's car over with all the stuff she had on the walls, pictures and stuff like that and most of the dishes. We have the couches and the beds and dinning set in the cargo area of the jet and we'll just rent a U-haul at the airport or somethin. But tonight, tonight is gonna be great. We'll unload everything and get it just the way we want and then we'll relax. The jet lag from flyin to Nevada and back every couple days will finally catch up with us and we'll just sleep it off and it'll be great. The kids will be tired and pass out 'cause they're not as used to flyin like me and B. They'll sleep all through the night and I'll curl up around B and sleep, probably better then ever.

And when the jet lag wears off I'm gonna go slayin and I'm gonna have a blast. The beasties of Lincoln aren't gonna know what hit 'em. They'll put up a fight and I'll enjoy smackin 'em down. I'm gonna slay like there's no fuckin tomorrow. And the double H's are gonna be wicked fierce. But I got B to help me take care of those. I'll come home, make myself an omelet with lots of cheese and some red pepper flakes 'cause I like spicy food. I'll down it with a couple glasses of milk and then head to the bedroom to scratch that itch. Only I won't be doin the scratchin. And I'll be so worked up that it won't take too long for me to pop, then I can show B my appreciation. What's that saying? Oh yeah, 'one good turn deserves another'. I'll eat her until she begs me to stop. I'm gettin wet just thinkin about it.

"This is your captain speaking." The kids stop playin and look around like they just heard the voice of God or somethin. I smile and look over at the camera up on the wall. I don't know why Giles had that put in. It's like he doesn't trust us or somethin. What kinda shit is that? "Please return to your seats and fasten your seat belts, we'll be landing within the next five minutes."

Addy starts cryin 'cause she doesn't know where the voice is comin from. I can't help but smile a little bit. She was asleep when the jet took off so she didn't hear Frank talkin through the intercom the first time. Mattie wasn't worried or nothin 'cause he's been on the jet before. B brings the kids over to the couch thing I'm sittin on and we buckle up. Since Addy is so small B just holds onto her as the jet starts to land. And get this, Addy actually likes it. She's laughin and clappin her hands and B's encouraging her so she won't get all freaked out. I look down at Mattie and he looks how I feel, nauseous. Just a couple more minutes of this shit and we'll be landed and then we can get the fuck outta here and relax in our new home.

Ok, you remember how I said tonight was gonna be so fuckin awesome 'cause I was gonna have some of the best sleep ever? Well I must've fuckin jinxed it or somethin by sayin that, 'cause it's one in the fuckin mornin and me and B have been up all night tryin to get Addy to sleep. Nothin is calmin her down and I think I'm gonna go crazy. It's all B's fault, I won't tell her that but we both know it is. And she knows that I know that it is. She's the one that lost all the binkies.

We had a big bag of 'em 'cause Addy likes to throw 'em across the room when she's done suckin on 'em and they get lost. And B swore before we left this mornin that she put them in her duffle bag. And there must be some little binkie stealin elves or somethin runnin around here 'cause they're gone. And the elf remark was sarcastic, I know she forgot them somewhere. I can't take it anymore. I get out of bed and slip my shoes on. No need gettin dressed since I'm in some pajama pants and a t-shirt, and where I'm goin people probably wear dumber stuff then this.

"Faith, where are you going?" B asks as she tries to rock Addy to sleep, but it isn't workin. That little kid has been screamin for the last hour and a half and I can't take it anymore. I grab my keys off the nightstand and put 'em in my front pocket. Yeah, these pajama pants have pockets, how weird is that?

"I'm goin out to find some binkies 'cause nothin else is fuckin working." I shouldn't take my anger out on her but I'm just so fuckin frustrated right now. If I don't get some peace and quiet soon I might strangle someone and I don't like that feeling at all. It's startin to freak me out.

"But, Faith you already checked and there's nothing open but the gas station and they didn't have any." And her gettin pissed at me isn't helpin at all. I need to get the fuck outta here so I can cool down. I know B feels the same, like she's about to have a nervous break down but she's better at this kinda stuff then I am. Mattie was never like this when he was a baby and B has a higher tolerance for Addy's screamin. And this kid can hit this pitch that makes you wanna hit a wall or somethin.

"I'll find somethin, alright?" I say soundin really irritated. I need to get outta here 'cause the last thing we need right now is to start fightin with each other. So I leave without sayin another word. She yelled somethin at me when I opened the door but I wasn't payin attention. It feels so good to be out of that room, you have no fuckin idea. I kinda wish Mattie had been like that when he was little, it would have prepared us for this little hell raiser. I get in my Camaro and back it out of the driveway and take off. I probably shouldn't be goin this fast but oh well. I need to get the fuck away from here. If I had time I'd go slayin, but B's goin through hell right now and I didn't make it any better by just runnin out.

But now that I'm outta there I feel like I can breathe. I roll down the windows 'cause I hate complete silence, it drives me a little insane, I can't explain why but it just does. So I'll just listen to the wind as I go eighty down the freeway. It'll take me at least forty-five minutes to get there. Well, maybe a little less then that since I'm drivin faster then the speed limit. I'd be goin faster but I really don't feel like gettin pulled over tonight. It only takes me half an hour to get to Vegas which is totally bitchin. I've always wanted to come here, I don't know why I never did. If B weren't at home goin through a livin hell I'd stop at a casino and play some poker. The reason I came here is 'cause this place is the city that never sleeps, so they have to have some store open that sells baby stuff. Great, well I hope that gas station has some 'cause my car's almost runnin on empty. Why didn't I fill it up earlier? Oh yeah, I was too worried about gettin home as soon as possible.

So, I fill up the tank which is gonna cost me at least a hundred bucks. Gas prices are so fuckin crazy. I really wish I had changed my clothes 'cause there are some people inside that are lookin better then a million bucks and I look like hell. But fuck them. It's not like I'm tryin to impress them or somethin. It's not like I wanna look my best so I can show off a little, take one for a ride in my car and then a ride in my bed. Anyway, I walk in and I can tell they're drunk from here on the smell alone. Like whiskey and somethin fruity but I can't tell what it is. I've never liked fruity drinks. I walk down the isles lookin for what I need. Let's see, they'll probably be over by the diapers...and...yes they have some. I'll get a six pack just in case. And they're pink, Buffy'll really like that. And those drunk people are still here. Great, I really hope they don't talk to me. I just wanna get home.

"Hey." Well so much for luck. I just nod my head in response. Maybe if I don't talk he'll go away. "You wanna maybe get outta here? Go somewhere a little more private. I guarantee lots of fun." I glare at him a little. What is takin so damn long? Why isn't this fuckin line movin? I mean it's...one forty in the morning how many people could need to put gas in their car at one forty in the morning? I look over at the 'player' and his girlfriend, but I'm startin to think she is a hooker. Or just into the kinky stuff.

"Sorry, I'm engaged." And I hold up my left hand for him to see the ring. He just gives me this little smile as he eyes my body again. If he doesn't stop doin that I'm gonna punch him in his fuckin lips.

"So are we," he squeezes the girl's shoulders a little. "Doesn't mean the three of us can't have some fun." I glare at him again and push passed him and his little girlfriend to the front of the line. I ignore them as they complain about me cuttin and I pay for my stuff. I gotta get back home before B has a break down or somethin. I pull up to the driveway and jump out of the car. I can hear Addy and she's still screamin her head off. Jeez, she's still up? I thought she'd be passed out by now. I've been gone for almost...nope...a little over two hours. Traffic was a bitch, and I got a little lost tryin to find the freeway. I open the bedroom door and look inside. B looks like she's been cryin, and she's rockin Addy back and forth and singin to her but it isn't calmin her down. Maybe next time she'll listen to me when I tell her to double check and make sure she has the binkies in her bag.

"Where were you?" she screams at me when I walk in the room. I hold up the package and she looks like she's about to cry with relief. I rip it open and toss one to her. It takes three, maybe four seconds for Addy to stop cryin. Another five minutes and she's out like a light. "Where did you get these? I thought the gas station didn't have any." I toss the pack on the nightstand and slip my shoes off. I take Addy from her and hold her against my shoulder.

"They didn't. I went to Vegas, figured they'd have some kinda store open since almost every shop there is opened twenty-four hours. Sorry it took so long but traffic was a bitch." I'm not about to admit that I got lost. I'd never hear the end of it. I take my girl into her bedroom and carefully put her down in the crib. She wakes up for a second or two but then dozes off. God, I thought this night would never fuckin end. When I go back into my bedroom B's already passed out. I turn out the lights and crawl under the covers. Maybe tomorrow night will be better.

BPOV

These last couple days have been hell. The kids aren't adjusting as well as I thought they would. I mean, they got used to the slayer facility pretty quick, then again Addison was a little baby then. But Matthew got used to it really quick. And Addison got used to living in our old house really fast when we went back. She was clingy and a little whiney but at least she went to sleep without too much trouble. We've been living here a week and every night she cries for at least two hours before she falls asleep. The pacifiers don't help, singing, rocking her, reading to her, playing soft music, and talking to her doesn't help. I really hope she gets over this and soon because I could really use one night of peaceful sleep.

See she doesn't cry for two hours right off the bat. It's a very slow process. We put her in her crib at eight o' clock 'cause she's always fallen asleep on her own before. So she'll be lying in there and she talks to herself for a while. Well, she makes noises but they sound kinda like words. Anyway, she does that for a while, and then she starts to whine, and then she calls out for us, she just says 'mama' but we're trying to teach her to call Faith mama and me mommy, but she's still to small to say mommy. Anyway, she does that for a little while and then she starts to cry and if we don't go in there after a few minutes she starts to scream. We tried ignoring it one night, we thought that if she screamed enough she'd finally realize that we weren't coming and she'd lay down and go to sleep, but no. She screamed for an hour and a half and it took me almost an hour to rock her to sleep.

Matthew seems to help her calm down a little quicker. A couple nights she's actually woken him up, he can usually sleep through anything, and he came in the room to see what was goin on and he sat on the bed between Faith and me and rubbed Addison on the back while she cried against my neck. And then he started talking to her and she calmed down within minutes. And as much as we'd like to, we can't wake Matthew up to sooth her back to sleep. It wouldn't be fair to him if we did that. And it's a little more then frustrating that my son can sooth my baby better then I can. But she seems to have a tight bond with him, even if she is always trying to steal his toys.

It's really cute what she does now. They'll be in the living room and he'll be playing with his toys across the room from her and she'll crawl up to him and stand up and then plop down in his lap and while he's trying to get her off of him she grabs his action figure or whatever it is he's playing with. It's so funny to see, how she just plops down like she belongs there. She's gonna start walking soon, hopefully. She grabs onto the edge of the couch and pulls herself up and she'll hold onto the cushions and walk back and forth. But she can't walk on her own yet.

And you wouldn't believe what happened this morning. I walked outside to get the newspaper and taped to our front door was a note saying: 'You are cordially invited to the monthly bar-be-que at the Morrison household. Guests will arrive at six but the food won't be served until seven, and there will be alcohol so leave the kiddies at home. Dress is casual, but please nothing inappropriate. The address is 2313. So come for some free drinks, great food, and nice conversation. P.S. bringing a treat to share is not required but always appreciated.'

And they didn't just right this down on a piece of paper and then tape it to the door. They wrote it down on a really nice greeting card. We have to go, it would be rude not to. I wonder why they didn't just ask us themselves. Or have Dwight tell us, I'm sure he's been blabbing to everyone that he met us first. So after about an hour of going down on Faith I finally convinced her to go to this with me. We're going to show up at six thirty, that way everyone else will already be there and we can meet them all at once. Faith doesn't want to stay for a long time. She said that after we eat we'll stay for an hour so it doesn't seem like we're just there for the food. Although that is mostly why she's going.

We hired a babysitter so don't freak out on me. A teenage girl lives to the left of us named Emma and she knocked on our door this afternoon because she heard about us getting invited and she offered to watch them. I let her meet the kids and they played together for a while in the backyard and I laid down the ground rules and told her what they can and cannot eat or drink passed a certain time and stuff like that. The kids really seemed to like her but I was with them the entire time Emma was over here so I have no idea how they're going to react to being left alone with her. And she should be here any minute. We're almost ready to go, once I get my dress zipped up we'll be ready. It's pink with little white flowers on it. Just a light weight summer dress that's very casual. I'm just going to throw on some white flip flops. Faith is wearing her usual jeans and a t-shirt. Black jeans and a white shirt.

"Faith, will you zip this up for me, please?" She gets up from the vanity desk and walks over to me, dragging her feet and mumbling under her breath. She doesn't want to go to this thing but I threatened to withhold sex if she didn't go and at least act like she's having a good time. And she has to be nice to everyone and no make any rude comments. If Faith doesn't want to be somewhere she'll let everyone know, that's why I threatened the sex thing, at least this way she knows she has to behave.

"Please don't act like this. We'll be there for an hour and a half tops. Who knows, we might even have a good time. It's not like we've met any of the other neighbors. This will be good for us. Maybe we'll make some friends." She rolls her eyes and sighs as she walks away. Then the doorbell rings. "You ready to go?" More grumbles and another sigh. Yeah, she's ready.

"Hi." Emma says when I open the door. She seems really perky. Kinda like a cheerleader on crack or something. "Wow, you two look great. You're going to make a big splash at the bar-be-que. Everyone is talking about how they can't wait to meet the Lehane sisters." What the hell? They think me and Faith are sisters? We don't even look alike. See, this is what happens when we don't act all coupley. We need to start doing that more often. I give Emma a small smile and I can tell Faith is trying not to laugh. The neighbors must've looked our names up in the phone book or something. We're listed under: Faith and Buffy Lehane. I'd figured we're getting married within the next few years so we might as well be listed under the same last name. I guess that backfired a little. I hope she takes this well.

"Emma we're not sisters, we're lovers." She looks a little shocked. Her eyes just grew about three times they're normal size and she paled just a little. Ok, five dollars says she's going to run down the street screaming at the top of her lungs and form an angry mob who will chase us into the street and stone us to death. "You don't have a problem with that do you? 'Cause we don't have to go to the party, we can just stay home if you're uncomfortable with it." I'll be more then a little upset if she says that she is uncomfortable with Faith and me, but she's entitled to her own opinion and there's nothing I can do about it. She calms down and clears her throat.

"No, it's fine. Just wasn't expecting that, is all. This neighborhood could use a little diversity." And she smiles a big smile and I can't tell if it's fake or not but I smile back anyway. I move out of the way and she walks into the foyer. She waits at the door while me and Faith say goodbye to the kids. Matthew is fine being left alone with Emma, he isn't afraid of strangers, but Addison is a little clingy. But Matthew distracts her for us and we walk back to the door. "Now I don't have a curfew so stay there as long as you like. I remember all of the rules you told me this afternoon so you don't have to worry about a thing. Have fun." We say our goodbyes and leave the house.

"She seems nice," I say, breaking the silence as we walk down the sidewalk. The Morrison's house is only five houses down from ours. She nods her head and mumbles out a 'yeah'. I try not to roll my eyes because of the way she's acting. It's like she's going to the dentist or something, like this is just one big hassle. I put my hand on her arm and stop walking as I turn to face her. She stops too and faces me. "Faith, please just try to have fun. If you go there in this mood then they'll all think we're stuck up or something. Please, baby, do this for me?" She sighs and shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

"Fine, I'll try to be act like I'm inna better mood. But if the food sucks I can't promise it'll last." Fair enough. I hold onto her hand and we make our way to the Morrison's house. There's a sign saying to just walk around to the backyard so we do. The gate is open and we slowly walk around the side of the house. From my vantage point I see twenty people, at least. And equal mix of men and women. They're dressed a lot like Faith and me. All the guys are wearing jeans and t-shirts, and the girls are either in nice khaki pants or nice dresses. Ok, so we'll fit right in clothing wise, but will we be accepted? Emma seemed pretty open minded unless she was faking it. Are her parents open minded too, and are they even here? She didn't tell me her parents' names. Oh look, Dwight's here and he spotted us. I guess the fun will begin now.

"Faith, Buffy, hi. Great to see you again." We take turns shaking his hand and I have to fight the urge to wipe my hand off on my dress. I don't know what it is but something about this guy gives me the wiggins. "I heard you got Emma Butler watching your two little ones tonight. Don't worry she's the best there is, they're in safe hands." Um, ok? How the hell did the news spread that fast? Is he spying on us or something? He motions for us to follow him and he leads us over to a small group of five women standing in a circle and laughing about something one of them said. "Ladies, I'd like to introduce you to the Lehanes."

They all turn towards us and smile. And starting at the right of me there is a redhead about my height, blue eyes in a white blouse and tan pants. Then there's a tall brunette, light eyes, tan skin, and she's wearing a light blue sundress very similar to the one I'm wearing. Then there's a tall, very leggy blonde. A total trophy wife with her white sundress and gold necklace and perfect tan and big chest size. I bet she had to go to a tanning salon to get that tan, and those boobs are probably fake too. And Faith is totally checking her out! In a very low voice that only her slayer hearing can pick up I say: "Could you let it be more obvious that you want her? 'Cause I don't think the bartender saw you checking her out." She gives me this 'sorry, I couldn't help it' sort of look.

Anyway, next to her is another brunette, a little shorter then me in a blue top and black pants. She looks like someone, I can't quite put my finger on it. Some actress on a T.V. show that was cancelled years ago. God, this is going to bug me all night. Anyway, so standing next to her is another redhead, but she's older then the others and she kinda reminds me of that slutty woman from Edward Scissor Hands. I think Faith is thinking the same thing because she's trying not to laugh. So they introduce themselves and starting from my right their names are: Rachel Connors, Mandy Wehunt, Kimberly Parks, Tricia Bishop, and Margie Whitman. And Faith is checking Kimberly out again. This is going to be a problem. Ok, it's our turn to do the introducing.

"It's nice to meet all of you. I'm Buffy and this is my fiancé, Faith." They go from smiling happy faces to blank slates. Wow, that was a better reaction then I thought we were going to get. And this silence just couldn't get anymore awkward. Is one of them going to say something? Ok, this is getting stupid, and they won't stop staring at me and I'm feeling uncomfortable. "Um, excuse us we're going to go get a drink. Anyone want anything?" They all shake their heads no and we walk away. "Well, that went better then expected," I say when we're out of earshot.

"At least they didn't damn us to hell." I know she's trying to make me feel better by joking but she's not. She gets points for intent though. I sit down on the barstool and she takes a seat next to me. This party is a little over the top if you ask me. With the tiki torches and colored lights and whicker furniture. And they hired a bartender, how dumb is that? Couldn't they have just put out a bowl of punch like everyone else? I bet they're not even going to grill the food themselves, they probably ordered it from a place that bar-be-ques and they're having it delivered. I so wouldn't put it passed them. Faith orders us some drinks but since I'm not paying attention I have no clue what she's having the bartender make.

God I'd rather be home with my kids right now. I mean, I expected bad reactions but those people looked at us like they saw a ghost. And I've been in the same room with people who have seen ghosts for the first time, so I know what it looks like. A little part of me wishes that the initial shock of it will wear off and they'll apologize for being rude and they'll try to be friends with us. But at the same time I don't think that's gonna happen. And if it doesn't then it doesn't. I mean, I'd like to be friendly with the neighbors where we get invited to these parties and have a good time but I don't think it's gonna happen. On the bright side, if I'm right and they don't like us just because we're gay I get to tell Faith 'I told you so' and that's always fun.

The bartender puts the two glasses in front of Faith and she hands one to me. What the hell is this? Oh well. I take a little sip, just in case it's really strong. Mmm, vodka martini, a little strong but I'll drink it. I don't want to get drunk tonight, but maybe it would be better if I get a little buzzed. We stand up and start wondering around. Those weren't the only people at the party. There was plenty of others and hopefully the introductions will go a lot smoother. But it seems those five women have already spread the news around and everyone is looking at us like we're drug addicts or something. Ok Buffy, you're just being paranoid.

Ok, this is going better then I thought. A few minutes ago they apologized, said that they just weren't expecting that at all. And now we're sitting around the large picnic table eating some really good food. There's ribs and chicken all of it doused in sauce. And there's potato salad, corn on the cob, a vegetable salad with raisins tossed in and macaroni salad but I passed on that. And Faith is being a saint. She's being nice and polite and answering most of their questions with a smile.

Now that we all know each other a little better these people sure are asking a lot of questions about us and not just the guys. But they haven't been too intrusive. The only ones we're uncomfortable with are the questions about our kids. Well, at least the questions that have to do with the kids' conception. I think when we get home we need to come up with a believable story to tell people when they ask about it.

What we can tell them is the kids' birthdays and how old they are and what they're like and stuff like that. Matthew's birthday was in July, he's seven now. We almost forgot about it because we were so busy flying our stuff out here. It was like two days before his birthday when Faith remembered and we called up a bunch of his friends from school and Dawn and Kyle and Xander and we had the party at Kid's Kingdom.

It was a nice turn out and he was happy to see his friends again. But it was bittersweet because he was seeing them for the last time since we moved and everything. And most of those kids Matthew's known since he was about a year old. And me and Faith have known the mothers for a long time and even though we weren't great friends I'm still going to miss them. Faith isn't. She never really liked them. Ok, I need to start paying attention since Janet Morrison is asking me another question.

FPOV

God this is so fuckin boring! I would be gone by now but B's havin a good time. Once those bitches got over the shock of B's little announcement they've been actin like she's the coolest thing since sliced bread. I know they just wanna to get to know her 'cause we're new but it's fuckin annoying. And this Mandy chick has this laugh and every time someone says something that isn't even funny she'll laugh and it's like someone puttin a screw in your head with an electric drill. If I weren't for the eye candy sittin across from me and a couple seats to the right I'd be gone by now, with or without B. What can I say? I gotta thing for blondes. Don't get me wrong I'd rather have B, but what's the harm in lookin? It's not like this Barbie is ever gonna want to fool around with me, even if she does catch me lookin and so far she hasn't.

The guys here are ok. They're not the kinda people I'd pick to hang out with but they're nice and they haven't asked too many personal questions. Probably 'cause their wives are close by. Dwight is still annoying as hell. Buffy's right about him bein creepy. I don't get an evil vibe, just a creepy one. But still, it could be worth checkin out. I need to get out of here and go slayin. This is just too boring. I'm gonna go slayin by myself, figured B owes me that much since she made me come to this damn thing. I'd rather have her with me but Emma has to go home sometime tonight. I don't think her parents would like it if she stayed over at our place until two in the morning. And this dumb thing is gonna end way before that so what would be tell her? 'Oh sorry we're so late Em, but there was this big nasty demon that didn't wanna go down easy'.

I'm kinda glad we came here, 'cause this food is fuckin good. If we weren't in front of about twenty people we just met I'd eat it all. I gotta ask Jake what he used for the sauce 'cause it's fuckin unbelievable. He even put extra on mine when I flashed him a dimple filled smile. I don't know what it is about the dimples but people love 'em and it's not my fault that they love 'em so much they feel like they gotta give me free stuff. Ok, so there was some boob work but not much. I heard one a the guys, I think his name is Mike, ask Jake what's in it but he said it's a secret. But I'm sure if I show off a little cleavage and flash one of the smiles he'll give the secret up in a heartbeat.

"Well he sounds like a doll." B's been braggin 'bout the kids for fifteen minutes now. "You should bring him by my place tomorrow. I'm sure he and Lucas will get along great." Rachel, the hot redhead, has a little boy, 'bout a month older then Mattie. I haven't been payin too close attention to any of the conversation but I wanna know the kinda people who are gonna be hangin around my kid and Rachel seems ok. And I'm not just sayin that 'cause she has great legs. "And once school starts I'm sure he'll make lots of friends. All of the kids get along just fine." Yep, everything about this town is perfect, if you ignore all the demons and high death rate.

"And my Lindsay is only three months younger then Matthew. Maybe we can all get together, have a sort of 'welcome to the neighborhood' party for him so he can meet all the other kids his age that live on the block'." The Barbie, I think her name is Kim, says. God look at those lips. If I were still single I'd seduce that Barbie and have her suckin on me in no time. And I'd tie her hair back so I could see the whole thing. And when she's done I'd lick my come off those juicy lips. Ow! What the fuck! I look over at B and she's glarin at me a little. There's no fuckin way she know what I was thinkin. No fuckin way. Then why the fuck did she kick my shin?

" What B?" I try not to sound too pissed but it's kinda hard. She glares at me for a second before she gets this sweet smile on her face. Great, she wants somethin. She's gonna ask me to do somethin or go somewhere to get her somethin. I've known her long enough to know when she gets that smile on her face I'll have to do somethin or else she'll bitch and whine until I do. So I might as well say yes and get it over with 'cause I don't want our first fight in this new house to be about how lazy I am 'cause I won't drive down the store and buy her a new tea cozy or some shit like that.

"Faith, I asked if you could finish unpacking on Sunday so I can take Matthew and Addison over to Kimberly's house for a play date." Oh, um, so I guess it was pretty fuckin obvious that I was zonin out 'cause everyone is lookin at me like I'm on crack. Hopefully we'll get most of everything unpacked tomorrow, that way I won't spend my entire Sunday workin. It'd be nice to just sit around and be lazy while B and the kids are gone. Callin the cable company would be a good thing.

"Yeah, I can do that. If I'm not too tired when I'm done." We both know I'm not gonna be tired. I'm a slayer for God sakes, but these people don't know that. "I'll run by the hardware store and get some paint samples." We're gonna repaint the bedrooms before we get too settled. 'Cause if we put it off too long we won't do it. And now the women are all talkin about their houses and what they look like and all that other shit. Well, at least B's havin a good time. It makes listenin to this shit worthwhile, 'cause she'll go home inna good mood and maybe I'll get some tonight. Told ya I'm a nympho. And this whole gettin older and havin kids thing hasn't slowed us down. Well, not as much as 'normal' couples. I down the last sip of my beer and Jake is watchin me. He's been doin that all fuckin night. Watchin me eat and drink. He's not checkin out my body 'cause earlier when I stretched and gave my hair a little shake only David and Logan were lookin at me. B sees that my bottle is empty and she puts her hand on top of mine and smiles this sweet little smile. Oh boy, here we go.

"Baby, that was your fourth one, how about one more and then call it quits on the alcohol?" I try as hard as I fuckin can not to roll my eyes. But I take her shit with a grin 'cause we're in front of the neighbors but I'm so gonna give her hell about this later. She just talked to me like I'm a fuckin kid or somethin. The tone of her voice...is this was Lily was talkin about? 'Cause I think it is. Jake offers to get me another and who am I to say no to that kinda service?

"Wow, Buffy you have her on a pretty short leash," the Barbie says. Oh ha, ha, ha. Let's all laugh 'cause Faith's fuckin whipped. Ha-de-fuckin-ha. Fuckin bitch. I take back what I said earlier. I wouldn't fuck this bitch if I could...well...yeah I would. But I'd make sure to make it a little painful 'cause I bet this goody two shoes likes it rough.

The nice and quiet girls who look so innocent and fuckin pure are almost always into the kinky shit. Leather whips and shit. And most of the time they thought they were gonna be in charge. And trust me when I say that arguin over who is gonna be on all fours and spanked with a paddle is a fuckin mood killer. That's why after tryin to score with a couple Suzie Homemakers I stuck with horny boys 'cause they never argue. They just wanna get off, doesn't matter to them who's on top.

"Well you know how it is, give 'em too much slack and they'll just wander off." Ha, ha looks like everybody's a fuckin comedian tonight. The only thing keepin me here is the beer. It's really good. I wonder what kind it is. Doesn't matter. It's nice, cold and a little foamy. It's better then the other stuff I've had before. Nope, this is different. B said no more after the one Jake is gonna give me but I think I'll have a few more. I mean, it's just beer. Really good beer, but what's the worst that'll happen? I'll go home a little tipsy and have a little hangover tomorrow. No big deal.

Jake brings me back my drink. Hmm, he already took the cap off. Oh well, no need askin for another. Don't want him thinkin I'm suspicious or nothin, 'cause I'm not. Just 'cause he's been watchin me like a fuckin hawk doesn't mean I have reason to be suspicious. Nope, not at all. I take a long, slow sip of it. If this is my last one I'm gonna savor it. Make it last 'till the chill starts to wear off.

Since it's almost completely dark now everyone gets up from the table and we go over to the porch and sit on the chairs they have set up here. I sit next to me and she holds onto my hand for a little bit, but she's too busy talkin with the other wives. It's nice seein her havin a good time doin somethin so normal. It's what she's always wanted ya know. Just a nice, normal life. But she can't get that completely. She has to slay, it's in her blood. And I know she doesn't wanna admit it but she gets off on it. I know better then anyone how she is after a good night's slay. She can fool her friends, she can fool herself but she can't fool me.

I gotta admit this is kinda nice. Sittin around, drinkin a beer, watchin everyone interact. It's kinda weird but I like to 'people watch' as B calls it. I just like watchin facial expressions and stuff like that when people talk to each other. You can tell more about a person by their facial expressions then you can by their words. All you gotta do is pay attention and most people don't.

Like just now, Tricia said that she likes her bathroom better now that it's a seashell theme then a butterfly one, and Margie agreed with a smile but you can tell that she's lyin 'cause her smile is tight, forced. She hates the seashells, she's just too 'polite' to say so. That's the problem with people, they never wanna say what they're really thinkin. Anya had the right idea, but everyone called her rude and conceded. Well, they got the second part a little right, but she wasn't too rude. Hey, if you can't handle the truth plug your fuckin ears.

All the guys stand up and Jake says that they're all goin to the game room. I give B a little sideways glance and she smiles and says I can go with 'em if I want. So I get up and leave with the guys. A couple of 'em smile but the rest look a little pissed. I guess they wanted to get away from all things female but fuck them. I'll just act like myself and prove that I'm not like the rest of those chicks out there, includin B. All those chicks are proper and uptight, I can't really act like myself in front of them if I want to be friends with them. Well, if B wants to be friends with them. See if I act like I normally do then they won't invite B to any more of these parties 'cause I'd come to 'cause these parties are for the couples of this block.

I don't pay attention to anything around me as I follow the guys into the basement, which has been turned into a game room. And this game room is fuckin sweet. Big screen T.V. against the wall, with a huge leather couch that could fit seven people at least. There's a pool table in the middle of the room, against the wall to my left are the cues, eight of 'em. In the back of the room is an air hokey table and a foosball table, 'cause you gotta have a fuckin foosball table.

I bought a miniature one for Mattie's birthday a couple weeks ago. We totally forgot about it until I remember two days before. It's insane to think that nine years ago I was in fuckin prison facing a life sentence. If it hadn't been for the Angel team's big fuck up I never woulda got out, and I never woulda gone back to Sunnydale, and I never woulda got together with B and neither of my babies would exist. I'll have to send the gang a thank you, a fruit basket or somethin. I'll get a necklace for Cordy, an old book about demons or somethin for Wes, a weapon for Gunn, Angel and Fred are gonna be the hardest to shop for.

"So Faith, how long have you and Buffy been together?" one of 'em, I think his name is Danny, asks me. They don't wanna know about that shit. But he gets points for intent, at least he's tryin to be nice. I sit down on a chair in the corner of the room so I can see 'em all. I look over at this guy as he takes a swig of his beer. He's nice lookin, 'bout six foot, short blonde hair, killer blue eyes, an ok body. If I were single I'd take him for a ride. But I could say that 'bout half these guys.

"Nine years." They all nod their heads and things are startin to get a little awkward. I take another swig from my drink. Fuck, it's almost empty. Well, we're downstairs now and Jake has a mini fridge, which is sweet, I gotta get me one of those. Anyway, it's stocked up on beer and what B doesn't know won't hurt her. As long as I don't get too tipsy I'll be fine and she'll never be the wiser. I get up and grab a pool cue and turn around to face the boys. "Anyone up for a round?" I raise an eyebrow and three of 'em except my challenge. We're playin teams and the ok lookin guy whose name I think is Danny is on my team.

The others sit on the couch and turn on the T.V. I watch as Danny breaks and I take another swig of my beer as Mike takes a shot. Ok, so my team is solids, good to know. On the T.V. is a baseball game but I don't really pay attention 'till I hear the announcer start talkin. It's the Boston Red Sox against the Detroit Tigers, and Boston's up by three. Boston hasn't won the World Series since 2004, and every year I say they're gonna win, but B couldn't care any less. So I start talkin to the guys about it and they seemed a little surprised. Guess they didn't take me for a sports fan. And now they're finally startin to relax around me. Maybe we'll get along great after all.

"No way, there's no fuckin way the Yanks are gonna win this year," I tell Steve after I take my shot. Damn, I missed. Oh well. Me and Danny are winnin by two so I guess it doesn't matter. We've been down here for about an hour, this is our second game, we're goin for two outta three, and I won the last game. These guys are pretty good but I've been holdin back a little. Don't wanna make 'em feel intimidated or nothin. I want them to be relaxed around me, like they are now.

"Boston hasn't won in nine fuckin years, what makes you think they're gonna win this year?" Oh yeah, they're nice and relaxed alright. I watch as Mike tries to find the best shot. "Besides, them winnin last time was pure luck." Whatever, Boston won because they kick ass. I'd say somethin but I'm finishing off the last of the bottle. Mmm, good to the last drop. This is a weird feelin buzz. Nothin's ever made me feel this way before. Maybe it's just the brand...nope, I've had this stuff before and it didn't do this to me. But it feels good. I wanna another beer. "Faith, you ok? It's your shot." Oh, right. Alright, lets see what I've got. Hmmm, very crappy. Looks like I'll have to go for the number six in the corner pocket. Alright, this has to be done very carefully or else I'll miss and then we'll lose.

"Fuck. Damn, that sucked." I can't believe I missed that. Stupid cue, I think it's broken. Fuck this, I don't wanna play anymore. Another beer sounds nice though. I know, I had more then I said I would but B doesn't have to know about it. Besides, if she were me she'd do the same thing. She's a little sneak, always tryin to get away with stuff...What was I talkin 'bout? Oh right, I was lookin for another beer.

"You out Faith?" Jake asks. I nod my head yeah and throw the bottle in the trash. He gets up and walks behind the bar. Wow, where'd that come from? Who cares? He's gettin me a beer. Did I tell ya about Jake? He's a good guy, nice, funny, not very good lookin but that's ok, 'cause I'm with B so no one stands a chance at gettin me, 'cause I'm taken. Hmm, that sounds weird. Taken. I'm taken. Buffy took me and now no one can have me. Is that a good? I mean...what was I talkin about? "Here, Faith." Oh, right, the beer. Hmm, the cap's already off. Oh well. I nod a little thanks and chug it down. Mmmm, nice and cold. Uh-oh, it's all gone. Damn.

"Faith, are you ready to go?" What? Who is that? Oh, B, right. I toss the bottle in the trash before she walks in the room, 'cause she's still walkin down the stairs. Now, as long as I act fine she'll never know I had ten bottles. Yep, everything'll be ok. Damn, she's lookin hot tonight. I'm gonna have some of that ass, that's for damn sure. "Faith? Come on, let's go." Jeez, she's a nag. She needs to be loosened up a little. I'll take care of that as soon as we get home.

"Bye guys, see ya later." They all say bye and don't sound too broken up 'cause I'm leavin. Oh well, I'm goin home with my girl and we're gonna fuck so all is right with the world. Jeez she's smells really good. Does she always wear that perfume? And her hands are so soft, was she always this soft? Mmmm, Buffy. Why are we stoppin on the porch? I guess she wants to say bye to her new friends. That's fine, I can wait. I shake my head a little bit. Why is everything gettin a little blurry? There, eyes better now. This stupid, Faith bored.

BPOV

Faith's been acting a little strange. I know she had more beer then we agreed on, but I've never seen her like this. Even after that one night we got really drunk on tequila she wasn't like this. At least I don't think she was. I was pretty wasted too so she could've been like this. But I've never seen her act like this because of beer. And the weird thing is I have a little red flag in the back of my mind waving around, telling me that this is really serious and very bad but I don't know why. And it all seems kinda familiar somehow. I don't know, she better now wake the kids up when we get home that's for damn sure.

"Thanks again, Janet, for inviting us. It was fun, we'll definitely come to the next one, if you want us to. And Kim, I guess I'll see you on Sunday if not sooner." I finish saying my goodbyes and Faith doesn't say a word the entire time. She does this little wave but I think she was swatting at a bug. When did her hair get so dirty? She showered this afternoon and it didn't' get very hot out so there's no reason why it should be that dirty.

I take Faith by the hand and we leave. Hopefully she won't stumble allover the place. It's only a three minute walk back to the house, if that, but still that's plenty of time for her to fall and accidentally bring me down with her. What is she doing? Is she...is she smelling my neck?

"Mmm, girl smell good." Oh God, no. Ew! She just licked my neck. "Girl taste sweet." I stop walking and grab onto Faith's arm and turn her so she's facing me. Why didn't I think of this before? The dirty, dread locky hair, the hard look in her eyes, that funky smell...Faith drank cured beer and now she's a cave slayer. This is just too funny! Oh my God, this is priceless. Everyone makes fun of me still because of that night and now...now it's happened to Faith.

I start laughing so hard I can't breathe. She's going to be acting so damn weird. And if she acts anything like I did then I should get out the camcorder because I really want her to see it. Maybe then she'll stop teasing me during sex when I start talking monosyllabically. Every time I do it's always 'Oh B, looks like the cave slayer is takin over.' Or, when we used to drink, it was 'Don't have too many, B, wouldn't wanna unleash the cave slayer.' I get so sick of it, and now it's happened to her! I'm laughing so hard that I lose my balance and fall forward. Luckily Faith catches me. Aw, she's all concerned. "Girl ok?" I look into her eyes and she gently tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

"I'm ok. See? Perfectly ok." I take a step back and twirl around once so she can see I'm fine. "Thank you for catching me." You want to know what she just did? I bet you're dying to know. She blushed. That's right, little miss bad ass over here just blushed because I thanked her. Hold on a sec, we can't go home. I don't think it would be a good idea to have her in my clean house. She might draw on the walls or something. And I don't want Matthew seeing her like this. I know she won't hurt him or anything like that but I don't know how he'll react to her.

"Girl pretty." Ok, now it's my turn to blush a little. I think she noticed that my cheeks are getting red because now she's smiling that cocky little grin. Even cave woman Faith has that smile, I just can't get away from it, can I? She gently caresses my cheek. "And soft." I never thought Faith as a cave slayer (and oh yes there have been fantasies) would be so sweet. I always pictured her carrying me over her shoulder and tossing me down on the bed and ripping off our clothes and having her way with me. But I like this one too. So where are we going to go since we can't go home? Oh, I know the perfect place.

"Faith, you wanna go to the park?" Her eyebrows furrow a little bit and the confused look on her face is kinda cute. Faith doesn't like to show that she's confused because she thinks it makes her look stupid, at least, I think that's what she thinks. So to see her looking confused is cute. "You know, the park." Still the confusion. "With the slides and the swings and the sand boxes?" And she looks even more confused. I guess I'll just have to show her. I hold onto her hand and walk down the street. She looks at my hand and smiles a little and she rubs the top of it with her fingertips of her freehand.

"Soft." She trails her fingertips up my arm and then down to my wrist. I get goosebumps and she smiles a little. "Girl lumpy." She lets out a little giggle. I really wish I had a camcorder right now. Oh she'll remember all of it, at least I think she will. I remember every detail of the night I went back a million years B.C. or however long ago there were cave people. But I know Faith well enough to guarantee that if she remember it all she'll deny it and if I start to explain what she was acting like she'll play dumb and say that I'm lying. "What's that?" She lets go of my hand and runs into someone's front yard since there's no fence and stops in front of something that's under a window. I walk up next to her and she's studying the rose bush like it's the most interesting thing in the world.

"That's a rose bush," I whisper. I hope the people who live here don't wake up and catch us out here. She reaches out and touches one of the flowers. She's being so gentle, it's a little weird to see because she's usually only this tender with the kids. "But don't touch the stem. The thorns are-" Too late. "Sharp." She yelps out in pain and puts the tip of her middle finger in her mouth and sucks on it a little. I try not to roll my eyes. What a baby, she gets hurt worst then that when we train together. Then again she's not really thinking like a slayer right now so I should cut her some slack.

"Let me see." She shakes her head no. Ok, since she's acting like a child right now maybe this will work. "I'll kiss it and make it better." She thinks about it for a few seconds and then holds out her hand. A tiny drop of blood appears. That's it? That's what she's pouting about? Oh well. I kiss the tip of her finger and then she pulls her hand away and looks at it. Her eyebrows scrunch up and she looks a little mad.

"Liar." What did she just call me? "Not better." She holds up her hand so I can see the other little drop of blood that just came out. "Girl said 'kiss and make better'. It not better. Girl liar." Well technically she is right. But that's beside the point. I guess I shouldn't say stuff to her like that then since she's going to take everything I say literally. And what's with this her calling me 'girl' thing? We've been together for nine years you'd think she'd remember my name.

"I'm sorry. I won't lie again." She doesn't seem too convinced. Ok, moving on. "And my name is Buffy." I think I better make sure she understands this. I put my hand on her upper chest. "Faith." I pull my hand away and put it on mine. "Buffy." I do this three times until she puts her hand on my upper chest and takes half a step forward.

"Buffy." At least she got it right. "Buffy soft. Buffy smell good." She leans in real close and barely licks my bottom lip with the tip of her tongue. "Buffy taste sweet," she whispers. Oh God. How can one little gesture turn me on so much so quickly? But I can't have sex with Faith. Not while she's like this. She isn't thinking straight and it would be like taking advantage of a little kid. It would be wrong on so many different levels. And besides we can't go home yet so we have no place to have sex, if we were going to, which we're not. I take a step back and gulp. This wouldn't be so hard if I weren't so turned on.

"Faith no. That was bad." She looks confused and a little hurt. "We can't kiss. No kissing. Kissing is bad. Very, very bad." I don't sound mean, or mad, just desperate. Ok, we need to get out of here. "Come on, let's go." I hold onto her hand and lead her to the sidewalk. We walk in silence for a few minutes. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings. If I try to explain it she won't understand. If I hurt her feelings I'm sorry but we can't have sex and kissing will definitely lead to sex tonight. Just that one little lick got me all hot, imagine what an actual kiss would do. No Buffy, no imagining. Stop it right now.

"Why kissing bad?" Oh great. Why is she so curious? If she were a cat she'd be dead by now. "Buffy, why kissing bad?" Ignoring her isn't working so I'll have to come up with some type of explanation. I think I've been quiet for too long, she's getting a little upset. "Buffy mad at Faith? Faith bad?" I stop walking and turn and turn her at the same time so we're facing each other.

"No, Faith you're not bad." She still looks confused. Maybe I should put it in simpler terms? Maybe that'll help. "Faith not bad." She nods her head but she still looks a little confused. She's probably confused about the kissing thing. How am I going to explain this? "Kissing is bad because..." What the hell am I supposed to say? I wish I were a better liar. "Just because ok? Kissing is bad, so no kissing." She doesn't look confused anymore, she looks a little mad.

"Buffy liar. Kissing good." And now she's walking off. Great. Well, at least she's headed in the right direction. If she keeps walking straight she'll be at the park in ten minutes. I'll trail behind her to make sure she doesn't make any turns. And just freaking great, she turned left. I've never been down that road before so I have no idea where she'll end up. I catch up with her but she's still mad. "No. Go away. Buffy bad. Buffy liar." Jeez, so I told her kissing is bad, it's not like I kicked her puppy. She's completely overreacting. She can be such a drama queen sometimes.

"Faith, I'm not a liar." She growls a little and keeps on walking. There's only one thing I can think of that'll get her to cooperate. "Faith if you go to the park with me I'll give you a kiss." She stops instantly. I knew that would work. "Come on, the park's this way." I grab onto her hand but she pulls it away. What the hell? She looks mad again. What did I do now?

"Buffy said kissing baaad." Oh my God. Even when she's a prehistoric neanderthal she's still a smart ass. I better answer her because she's getting pretty mad.

"Well..." Ok, I have to admit it. It's the only way to make her happy. "Buffy liar." Now she has this superior, cocky look on her face. Ya know, she's not so different from normal Faith. And if she's anything like normal Faith I know how to wipe that look off her face. I lean in and kiss her. It's soft and gentle and even though I want to do this for hours I can't. I pull back before she has the chance to try and deepen it. She has this lustful look in her eyes. "Want more?" She nods her head yes. Ha, I left her speechless. That's rare. "Then follow me." I turn around and walk off. And she's following me. That's how manipulation is done boys and girls. Granted it won't be hard manipulating her since she has the i.q. of a child but still.

"Buffy soft." I guess she likes the fact that I'm soft. She starts running her fingers through my hair and down my arm. "Buffy taste sweet." She puts her hand on my shoulder. "Kiss Buffy more." Great, here we go. She turns me so I'm facing her and she kisses me. Her lips are so soft and she's kissing me so slowly and gently. I thought she was going to rush or be a little forceful but she's not. I pull back when I need to breathe. After a minute she leans in again but I put my finger on her lips to stop her.

"No more until we get to the park." And now she's pouting. "When we get to the park I'll give you one more kiss, ok?" She won't have to wait long since we're about a block away. I can see it from where we're standing. "Come on, cry baby, let's go." I loop my arm through hers and we start walking again. She's being really quiet. I wonder what she's thinking about. I know she's probably not having any deep profound thoughts at the moment but I still want to know.

As soon as we step through the archway and onto the jogging path I stop walking and Faith turns to face me. I put my hands on her hips and lean forward. She closes the little gap between us and this kiss is just as soft as the last one. I love kissing Faith. It'll always be one of my favorite things to do. But I have to pull back before things get out of control. Before I get out of control. I can't be a tease, I can't lead her on. She's not thinking like herself, obvious and she could get violent. It's not her fault, I got violent when I didn't get what I wanted. But I don't want it to lead to that. So for now we'll stop, but I have to use the kissing as a reward system because I don't want her getting out of control or wandering off or something.

"Want more?" She nods her head yes and leans in for another but I stop her. "You have to be good. If you're good you'll get more." She nods her head and looks around. There's a reason I wanted to come to the park. In the very short time we spent patrolling we found that the baddies don't come to the park a whole lot. So hopefully we'll run into only one vampire, possibly a demon. But all of the demons we saw here are the nicer ones that aren't a real threat to anyone. And since we're the only ones here she won't have to share the playground equipment because I know she'll want to try it all.

So, like I said about an hour ago, she wanted to try out everything. The merry-go-round was a big hit. But she's tried 'em all; the swings she fell off of, the slide she was afraid of, she tried to eat the sand in the sand box and found out the hard way that it's gross. She got really dizzy on the merry-go-round and almost got sick, she broke the bouncy horse, pig and duck and I wouldn't let her go near the cow. She hated the seesaw and won't come down from the top of the jungle gym. I tried calling her down but that didn't work, but ignoring her is doing the trick since she's trying to impress me.

"Buffy watch Faith!" she yells out. I look at her through the corner of my eye and I see her standing at the very top of the jungle gym and she's inching her way towards the edge. I hope she doesn't fall. It's a ten foot drop and she could get hurt. "Buffy watch!" She sounds like she's getting a little mad. So I look up at her and she smiles. She's at the very edge of the little platform and it's making me nervous. What is she up to? I know she's been trying to impress me because when she was on the merry-go-round she'd get it going really fast and then yell out for me to watch. And we've also just been walking around a little, and she picked me flowers. Wait, what is she doing? Oh my God, she's gonna...

"Faith no!" Too late. She jumps straight out so she's at least ten feet away from the jungle gym and she does a back flip and lands on her feet. God she could've gotten hurt! What the hell was she thinking? Coming here was a very bad idea. We should just go home. The kids probably fell asleep hours ago, why was I even afraid of taking her home? I'll just get her into the bedroom really fast just in case Matthew wakes up or something and I'll tie her to the bed if I have to until this shit wears off. She walks up to me, smiling, and then she sees the look on my face and the smile goes away.

"Buffy not like? Faith good. Faith do flip, make Buffy smile. Buffy no smile?" She sounds so worried. And how can I stay mad at that face? God! Sometimes I wish she didn't have this type of control over me. I sigh and look passed her for a few seconds. I think that just freaks her out a little more, but I'll let you be the judge on that one. "Faith make Buffy happy? Buffy mad at Faith? What Faith do that bad?" Yeah, I'd say she's freaking out because of that desperate tone to her voice.

"Buffy not mad." Great, and the bad grammar is contagious. "I mean, I'm not mad. I was scared. You could have hurt yourself." She gets this look on her face like a light bulb just went off above her head. She smiles and then holds onto my wrists and puts my hands on her upper chest.

"Faith not hurt. See?" She starts to move my hands downwards, passed her breasts and onto her stomach. God, does she have any idea what she's doing to me? She steps closer to me and wraps my arms around her lower back. "Faith good. Faith get kiss." She leans in and kisses me. I should pull back right now. I should end this right now but I can't. Her lips are just so damn soft. "Nice. Faith like. Faith want more." She kisses me a little rougher, but it still feels good. Her hands start to rub the back of my neck as she holds me right where she wants me. Ok I need to breathe. I pull back and I start to pant, she's panting too but not as hard as me.

"Ok, Faith, no more. We need to go home." Her eyebrows scrunch up a little and she gets that really cute confused look on her face again. Ok, this is going to be a total low blow but I'm desperate here. "We need to check on the kids." Her eyes get a little big and she quickly nods her head yes. Hmm, well that was a much better reaction then I had imagined. I thought she wouldn't even know what I was talking about and fight me the whole way home. But now we're headed home, holding hands and her muscles are tense. She wants to run but she's holding back for whatever reasons. It'll only take us ten minutes to get home, so can be patient. See, that wasn't so bad.

"Faith be very quiet." She nods her head as I unlock the door. I open it and let her walk in first. I step inside and close the door. I lead her into the living room and I see Emma, sitting on the couch watching something on the T.V. It has to be a DVD because we don't have the cable hooked up yet. Yep, she's watching 'Taking Lives' I remember this scene. "We're home." She shuts off the T.V. and stands up and stretches her arms above her head. "So, how did everything go?" She looks down at her watch and yawns a little. Oh come on, we weren't gone that long.

"Great. Addison was a little fussy so I gave her a bath and used the lavender shampoo. That's ok, right? I mean, you never said anything about baths or anything." I smile at her and she physically calms down. I explain that giving her the bath was fine and I'm glad she did or Addison might still be up. "That must've been some party, they usually don't last this long." I give her a weird look and glance over at the clock on the wall. Shit, we've been gone for six hours! Damn...well, she said everything went great and she was watching a movie so I guess she didn't get too bored.

"Yeah, um..." Ok, I need an excuse. And I know the perfect one. "Well, we left a little before it ended, actually. Faith had a little too much to drink so I had her walk some of it off before we came home. I hope you don't mind." She smiles and glances over at Faith. I look over at my finance too. She's standing next to the end table by the touch, holding a picture frame and studying it closely.

"Not at all. The longer you're out the more cash for me, right?" She gives a little nervous laugh and I smile at her. I tell her to wait and I go into the kitchen. On top of the fridge is a coffee can, we keep some extra cash in it for things like this. I pay her and we say our goodbyes and she leaves. I walk over to Faith and look over her shoulder. She's looking at a picture that was taken in November when Addison was first brought home from the hospital. Dawn took it so all four of us are in it. Faith reaches out and gently touches the glass with her fingertips and runs them along the faces in the picture.

"Mine," she says softly, pointing at me. Well, what can I say? I am hers. She points to the kids and she's quiet for a few seconds. "Mine, and Buffy's." When she's right, she's right. She puts the picture frame down before I can say anything and she walks off towards the hall. Oh great, I hope she doesn't wake them up. Before I can catch up to her she's in Addison's room and she's standing over the crib, watching her sleep. I stand in the doorway and watch Faith. I smile as she reaches into the crib and gently caresses the cubby little cheek. Oh no, she's picking Addison up. No! She's gonna wake her up...or not.

"Faith, what are you doing?" I walk up to her and she's cradling Addison in her arms and our girl is still passed out, sucking away on her pacifier. She's a little angel...at least when she's sleeping. When she's awake that's a whole other story. She leaves the room and I follow her. She's walking so slowly, so carefully. So goes into our bedroom and puts Addison down in the middle of the bed. What is she doing? She walks up to me and grabs onto my wrist and gently makes me sit down on the bed.

"Buffy stay." Um...ok? She leaves the room. What the hell? I look over at my baby girl. I love her so much, it's almost mind blowing. I try not to think about how much I love my kids because I think that I love them so much that if I were to actually sit down and analyze it I'd scare myself too much. It sounds crazy I know. Faith walks into the bedroom carrying Matthew. I guess the cave slayer wants her family in the same room? It makes sense if you think about it. Cave people lived in what? Caves, that's right. One roomed caves, so the whole family was right there, maybe in different areas but they were all in seeing distance. I guess Faith wants us all together so she'll know we're safe? She lays Matthew down and looks at me.

"Buffy get in bed." I nod my head yes and change into my pajamas first. I help Faith out of her dirty clothes and into some of her pajamas, which is a t-shirt and some boxers. We lay down in the bed, under the covers, with the kids in between us. She's snuggling up to Addison and Matthew has my neck in a death lock. I gotta admit falling asleep like this is kinda nice. We're all together and happy and very tired. This has been a long night. I just hope Faith is better by morning because I don't think I'll be able to resist my cave slayer if she gets a little frisky.


	21. A Ritual Sacrifice, With Pie part 1

**Three Months Later.** BPOV

"Faith, don't you dare touch that turkey," I warn her as I walk back into the kitchen. She's standing there with the lid off the roaster and she was reaching for the bird that I've been slaving over for the last eight hours. There's no way in hell I'm about to let her have some before everyone gets here. And I still have a couple things to make. I need to drain the liquid from the bottom of the turkey pot for the gravy, and I still need to cook the rolls. Willow is bringing some pies for dessert and Dawn said she'd bring the cranberry sauce but I made some stuff just in case something goes wrong with their stuff. This is the first Thanksgiving in our new house and I want it to be perfect.

"I wasn't gonna eat any B, I was just admiring your handy work. It smells great. Can't wait to have some." She gives me her sweetest smile because she knows I know that she's lying, and puts the lid back on and wraps her arms around me. She's been extra affectionate all week. I wonder what's up. She's probably trying to butter me up so she can try to talk me into doing something I normally wouldn't do. Sounds like her M.O. to me. I lean in and kiss her. Mmm, she's tastes like cinnamon gum. That means she's been smoking. I'll let her get away with it today but tomorrow she's going to get an ear full. I don't want her smoking anymore.

We break apart when we hear Addison start to cry. Faith leaves another little kiss on my lips before she leaves the room to take care of our baby. I still can't believe it. We have kids together. We're together, as a couple. A couple that's lasted for almost an entire decade. I mean, if I went back in time right now and sat down with myself when I first met Faith, and I told the younger me that one day she'll get together with Faith, and be madly in love and have children together she...well she would probably think that I'm a demon and try to kill me. Ok, no more talk of going to the past and meeting myself. The pronouns are too confusing. I see Faith rushing towards the bathroom with Addison in her arms and she's still crying.

"What happened to her?" I yell out as I start to make the gravy. Faith just yells out that everything is fine and not to worry. She doesn't sound desperate or anything so she's not lying. Addison probably hurt herself with a toy or something. She has this block thing and one side opens up so you can take the smaller blocks out and almost every time she closes the lid she pinches her finger. That's probably what happened.

I still haven't explained about the whole 'Faith turning into a cave slayer thing'. Well, that was Jake's funny little way of initiating her into the group. Apparently he's done it to everyone and if you want to be a full fledged member of the guys you have to go through it too. Faith confronted him about it after her symptoms wore off. It was fun while it lasted but I like the normal Faith better. Much more hygienic. Although the cave-slayer Faith was pretty sweet and loving and tender. I'll have to remind Faith of that later. Tell her that a Neanderthal version of her is nice enough to get me flowers for no special reason, so it probably wouldn't hurt her to do the same.

And the gravy is finished. I put it in the very large bowl and set it on the counter. There, everything is either in a bowl or on a platter. The wine glasses are on the other counter along with three bottles of wine. Not everyone likes the same thing so we got different kinds. Everything is ready to go. Now all my family has to do is show up and we can eat. Crap, I forgot the rolls. Everyone is showing up this year. Dawn and Kyle, Giles, Willow, Xander Katie and their daughter Miranda. Oh, the doorbell rang.

"Matthew, get the door!" I hear him drop whatever he was holding, hopefully one of his toys, and he answers the door. I try to listen in on the conversation but I have to pay attention to the oven or else I'll burn them. I do that a lot, not the burning of food, well that does happen a lot with me but that's not what I was talking about. The whole not paying attention to what I'm doing. I've cut myself with many kitchen knives that way. Faith said I would be better off just letting her do all the cooking. Yeah, she didn't get any that night. She's tried teaching me but she got frustrated because I'm a kinda slow learner when it comes to the housewife stuff.

"Mom, there's a stranger at the door and he says he knows you!" Great, I wonder who it is? I hope it isn't a vampire, or demon. The last thing I need right now is an attack. I pull the rolls out of the oven since the timer just went off. I'm wiping my hands with the dishrag when I hear the person outside the door say 'mom?' The little hairs on the back of my neck stick up, but in a good way.

I know that voice. I haven't heard that voice in almost eight years. The last time I heard it was a couple days before Matthew was conceived. I remember because Faith left for New York the day after he came into town and she was pissed because she thought he was going to try to get me back or something insane like that. I toss the dishrag down and rush towards the front door. Matthew is blocking the entrance like he's a bouncer or something.

"Riley?" I ask and smile really wide. Yep, it's Riley Finn. Was he always that tall? He looks at me and smiles, but I can tell he's a little...confused and curious about Matthew. I haven't talked to Riley in years so he doesn't know about Matthew or Addison. He never really believed that me and Faith would last. The two of them don't get along at all. Riley doesn't like Faith because he knows that my heart was never really his because it was Faith's. And Faith doesn't like Riley...wait, I said that wrong...Faith hates Riley because he's my ex.

"Hi Buffy," he says as I move Matthew out of the way and give Riley a big hug. It's nice to see him again. Seriously though, was he always this frickin tall? We pull apart and he casually checks me out. "You look amazing. I swear the cut off point in the aging process for slayers is twenty-three." We share a laugh and then he looks down to my left and then back up at me. "So, who's this?" I smile and look down at my boy. I put my arms around his shoulders and he leans into me a little bit.

"This is my son, Matthew. Matthew, this is my friend Riley." He holds out his hand for Riley to shake, which he does. I step out of the way and open the door a little more. Where are my manners? "Would you like to come in?" He smiles and nods his head a little and steps inside and I close the door.

"I can only stay for a couple minutes. I'm just passing through. Sam's parents live in Boulder City and we're having Thanksgiving there. I talked to Giles last week and he told me you moved here so I thought I'd stop by." Riley has been talking to Giles? Why was Riley talking to Giles? And he's still with Sam? Ok, calm down Buffy. Riley's the ex, you're with Faith now. No need to get jealous. Besides, I am so much prettier then Sam.

"So you're still with Sam?" I ask as we sit down on the living room couch. Matthew sits down next to me so I'm in the middle. Luckily this couch is big enough for five people or else I'd be a little too close to Riley. He nods his head yes. "That's great. Um, not to sound intrusive or anything but why were you talking to Giles?" Why didn't he call me? He could've called me if it was demon related. I bet that's what it was. He needed help with a demon. Ok, well it's better that he called Giles then because I've been way to busy to fly out to some jungle to help kill a demon.

"Well, ah..." He seems a little nervous, I wonder why. "The town I was in had a heavy concentration of...bad things." He casts a glance over to Matthew. Oh, I get it. It's demon related and he isn't sure whether or not he sound say it in front of Matthew. I hold back a smile. Riley's always been the gentlemen type. And not the kind that cut out your heart, I mean a real gentleman.

"It's ok, Riley, he knows about slayers and demons and all that other stuff." He relaxes and sits back against the couch. He sure has aged well, I'll admit that. Only to you because if Faith finds out I thought that she'd probably have a heart attack.

"Well, the town we were in had a high concentration of demons so I called Giles and asked to send a slayer since it was too overwhelming for my men." So he's still in the army demon fighting business. And he said 'his men' or he's like a colonel or something. Well, hopefully he's out of the field because I don't want him getting hurt. He's not a slayer and he isn't as young as he used to me. And now he's all serious. Great, I was hoping he wouldn't be curious about this. "So, uh, things didn't work out with Faith?" He looks over at Matthew again and then at me. I sigh and run a hand through my hair.

"Things have worked out great for me and Faith, Riley. We're still together." I better keep talking before he asks something that'll piss me off. "Matthew is Faith's, and mine." I can't really go into the details of it. When Matthew asked me and Faith how he was made since there is no 'daddy' we just told him he's a miracle created by magic. We didn't tell him the whole 'a novice witch did a spell she couldn't handle' thing. And hopefully Riley won't ask for details. "Magic. A spell actually. I can't really go into the details right now." And now he looks a little...grim.

"So you're still with Faith." That was a statement, not a question. He sits up a little straighter and looks over at the entertainment center. On top of it are a bunch of framed pictures, ones of me and Faith, and Faith and the kids and me and the kids...just pictures of all of us. "And she treats you right?" Why would he even ask that? I guess he's just concerned about me. He was too busy hating Faith to really see how much she's changed.

"Of course she does. Riley, Faith is a completely different person then you remember. She's been better for a really long time. I wish you could believe that." And now he has that 'is it my fault I care?' look on his face. Great, and here we go.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to make sure you're being treated like you should. It's not just her, I would have asked the same question even if you were with someone else." Good answer, very good answer. "So, where is Faith? Since she's a new person maybe we should be reintroduced." And now with the sarcasm. And winning the 'best timing of the year award' Faith walks out of the hallway, holding Addison above her head and talking baby talk to her.

"I'm gonna get your belly. I'm gonna get it." And she lowers Addison's stomach down to her mouth and blows kinda hard so it'll tickle. And Addison cracks up laughing and kicks her feet. Then Faith pulls Addison away from her face and rests her on her hip and smiles at her. She still hasn't looked over here yet. I know it's not gonna happen but I just wish she'd not notice Riley because I know this isn't going to end well. "B who was at the-" she looks up and sees Riley sitting on the couch, staring at her. I can't see his face because he's turned around but I'm pretty sure he's stunned.

FPOV

"I didn't know you invited Beef Stick." They stand up at the same time, and Matthew gets up and stands next to B. Was Riley always that fuckin tall? I hold my baby a little closer to me and tighten my grip just a little, maternal instinct I guess. I can't believe she invited this dick. I fuckin hate him and she knows it. And yet here he is, standing in our living room. This is just like her. I wonder if all her ex boyfriends are invited. Maybe I should call up some of my old flames, see if they can drop by.

"She didn't. I was passing through, thought I'd stop by and say hello." Yeah right. He probably thought he'd stop by and try to steal her away. What a fuckin asshole. "I better get going." Yeah, you better fuckin leave before I throw your ass out. He looks over at B and I can tell he wants to reach out to her but he's not for whatever reasons. Probably thinks I'll rip is arms off if he touches her, and he's right.

"It was nice seeing you again Buffy." He looks down at my boy and gives a little nod as he talks. "It was nice meeting you, Matthew." Then he looks over at me and all he says is: "Faith." And he gives me this little fuckin glare that B can't see 'cause his back if facing her. If I weren't holding Addy I punch him upside is big head, and knock him the fuck out. Buffy walks him to the door. He leaves and when she comes back into the living room she's glaring at me.

"You didn't have to be so rude to him, Faith. He was just dropping by to see how I'm doing. Why do you hate him so much?" I've never told her the real reason why. She thinks it's just some jealous thing because he had her when I didn't, or some shit like that. And I let her believe it because she thinks he's a good guy and who am I to try and convince her otherwise? I mean, I'm just a...how did he put it?...'a disgusting whore, who hurts everyone and causes nothing but pain and destruction'. Can you believe that shit? That motherfucker told me to leave Buffy before I hurt her. Even threatened me, said if I ever hurt her and he found out that he'd hunt me down and make me pay.

"Whatever, B." I don't know if she does or not but I need an excuse to leave without B buggin me about it. "Addy needs to be changed." I walk out of the room and into the nursery. I can't believe him. He better not come back here. To show up at my house like that and act like everything is peachy keen? I fuckin hate him. I lay Addy down on the changing table and she starts to whine. She hates having her diaper changed. "What was I supposed to do? Welcome him with open arms?" I reach down and grab the box of wipes and a new diaper. "The guy's a prick, like I'm gonna just sit back and keep my mouth shut after what he said." She starts to cry as I change her diaper. She hates this about as much as I hate the Clean Marine.

I hear the doorbell and I sigh. Great, now I have to act like I'm not pissed which is only gonna cause tension between me and B and everyone is gonna pick up on it. Why did we have to have Thanksgiving dinner here? If we had gone to Xander's none of this shit would be happening. Well, there's nothin I can do about it now so I'll just put on a smile and try to be pleasant. I'll just forget about that asshole. He was just stopping by. The boy was madly in love with B, he probably isn't a hundred percent over her, but she's with me. So I got nothin to worry about. There, I found perspective, now I'm ready to join the rest of 'em.

"Ok, Addy, you ready to go?" she gives me a little pout. She already has it down pat. I roll my eyes a little. This kid is like B alright. She pouts over everything. But she's a little girl, I guess a lot of 'em are like that. At least she's not completely spoiled like the Barbie's kid. That little girl screams if she doesn't get her way, and her parents don't hesitate to get her what she's crying for. "Come here, baby." She holds up her arms and I pick her up and she rests her head on my shoulder. I give her forehead a little kiss and I walk out to the living room. I don't see anyone, except for Mattie. He's sitting on the couch watching T.V. "Who was at the door?"

"Uncle Xander and aunt Katie and Miranda. Mom's showin them the backyard." He's quiet for a few seconds and I can tell by the look on his face that he's trying to remember something. "Oh, and she wants you to bring out the little table and chairs so me and Addy and Miranda have a place to sit." Alright, I'll go ahead and do that now. The little table is in Addy's room. It's really cool. The top is a blackboard and we have different colored chalk and we'll draw and stuff. Well, she scribbles little lines and stuff 'cause she's only one but I let out my artistic side. And it has a cover so it can be used as a regular table. So after I get that set up the doorbell rings again so I answer it.

"Hey Brat, how ya doin?" I ask and give her a hug. What? I can be affectionate when I wanna be. She tries to hug me back but she has three...no...four bags in her hands so she can't. "What's with the bags?" She walks in the house and in walks Kyle, carrying more bags. Oh, B's gonna love this. That was sarcastic.

"I got some presents for the kids and for you and Buffy." Well that's new. She's always spoiled Mattie, and she's working on Addy now, but she usually doesn't get me and B anything. Not that I'm complaining or anything, it's just unusual. They put the bags down and take off their coats and hang them on the coat rack. I pick up some of the bags. "So, where's my little niece and nephew?" She sounds really excited. She hasn't seen them in a long time. Addy's gotten bigger since the last time she was here. I walk into the living room and they follow me. "You know, Faith, I never thought I'd say this 'cause Buffy's decorating skills are pretty sucky, but I really like what you guys have done with this place."

"Uh, thanks." I think. That was a compliment, right? "We still need to repaint some of the rooms, but other then that everything is how we want it. Well, at least in the house. We haven't even started on the backyard yet." We have some patio furniture but that's it. We want to build a pool, B's gonna plant a garden and build a fence around it to keep Tucker out, and towards the back of the property we're going to build a training room. Well, I'm going to build a training room. Buffy says she's going to help but you know how women help right? They stand out of the way and 'offer helpful suggestions'. A.k.a. they tell you how to do something and they don't even know what the fuck they're talking about.

"Aunt Dawn!" Mattie yells and jumps off the couch. Brat puts the bags down and kneels down and wraps him up in a big bear hug. She pulls back and gives him a kiss on the forehead and laughs a little when she sees the lipstick print. She wipes it off and stands up. "Did you buy us presents?" I roll my eyes. I told you gets him something almost every time she sees him. Even when we lived in Shasta Lake and she saw him at least six times a month she'd still buy him something, usually clothes.

"Yep. I got some stuff for your sister too. Where is she?" I look around the living room. Ok, where is she? She was right here when I left to answer the door. Ok Faith, just stay calm. She probably crawled into her room and dumped out her toy box again. She does that when she gets bored. So I look in her room, but she's not there. I look in the bathroom, Mattie's room, my bedroom and the hallway closet but nowhere.

Alright, panic, I'm starting to panic. Where would she go? She can't get out to the garage 'cause she's not tall enough to open the door and I locked it when I came back in. Maybe she's in the kitchen. Nope, not in here either. Wait...thank God! Buffy took her outside. I walk out there and I'm greeted with smiles and a big hug from Xander.

"Hey, how ya been?" I ask and he says he's been great. I give a big hug to Miranda. God this kid has gotten so big. And her hair has gotten so long. I look over at B. Great, she's still pissed at me. I try as hard as I can not to roll my eyes. I walk up to her and give Addy a little kiss on the head. "Dawn's here, she wants to see Addy." She doesn't say a fuckin word as she walks back in the house. Whatta bitch. Why is she acting like this? Oh well, I'm not gonna let her ruin today. It's supposed to be joyous and all that shit 'cause we're seeing all of our family again.

"Jeez, what was that all about?" Xander asks and picks Miranda up when she starts to whine. He pampers the hell outta her and she's such a little daddy's girl.

"Riley dropped by this morning. I guess his in-laws live close to here so he decided to pay B a little visit." I don't have to say any more then that. Xander knows how much I hate Riley. He doesn't know why, at least not the whole story. He knows that there were words and a little violence but I haven't told him exactly what happened. And I don't plan on it. I get where Riley was comin from, he just wants to make sure B's in good hands, but he didn't have to say those things about me. He didn't have to remind me about my past...fuck him. I'm not gonna let him ruin today for me. No more thinking about Riley. It ends right now.

"Come back inside guys, everyone is starting to show up." I hear Buffy yell through the kitchen window. We walk into the house and I see a smiling Giles standing next to the counter, holding a bottle of wine. He looks over at me and his smile get a little...I don't know...warmer? I give him a big hug that he returns. Yep, through the years Giles has become like a dad to me. I can't help but think that maybe if we had been like this in Sunnydale then things would've been different.

"I love what you've done with the place," he says as we break apart I nod a little thank you and help get the kids sat down in their spots around the little table and I make up their plates. After their all sitting down and eating I take my place at the table. I'm at the head of the table starting from my right is Katie, Xander and Willow. Buffy is at the other end. Starting from my left is Kyle, Dawn and Giles. We let Giles carve the turkey and everyone starts talking and wine is poured and the atmosphere is pretty nice. It's calmin me down a little.

I catch B's eyes and I give her a small smile, a little sheepish one, and she knows what I mean. I'm sayin sorry for how I acted 'cause it was over dramatic. Buffy wants me, I shouldn't worry about Riley. He's just a footnote in history. She was never really into the relationship in the first place. He left because she didn't love him, she was always reserved. I think she just liked the idea of having a 'normal' boyfriend and Riley was there to play the part. Besides he left her like...eleven years ago. I got nothin to worry about.

Addy starts to whine, and cry a little. She's been good for the last hour or so, which is the longest it's taken her to eat anything. I think she's been too busy talking to Miranda in their little baby language. I start to stand up but Buffy's a little quicker. She tells me to sit and that she'll handle it but she's walkin down the hall. Where the hell is she going? She comes back out carrying the stroller and the diaper bag. Oh, so that's what she's doin.

"She's just getting tired. I'll take her for a little walk, she falls asleep faster," she explains to the table. She picks up our girl and puts her in the stroller and carefully fastens the straps so she doesn't pinch her skin. She walks over to me and gives me a little kiss on the lips. "I won't be long. I love you." I smile and tell her I love her and she walks out the door. We discovered only two days ago that all it takes is a little stroll and Addy is out like a light. I found it out when I was carrying her and we walked to the end of the block to check the mail. I take another bite of turkey and listen to Dawn go on and on about her new promotion. Ok, so I'm pretending to listen. I just can't shake this weird feeling that I'm starting to get, and I really want Buffy to come back.


	22. Mysterious Appearances part 2

**Sunnydale 2000.** BPOV

We did it, I still can't believe we actually defeated Adam. And I'm so glad we did. Things were getting to be too stressed around here. So we took a break from monster fighting and enjoyed some serious down time. We've been hanging out a lot more then we had been. Willow properly introduced us to Tara, not just as her friend but as her girlfriend. It took me and Xander a little while to get used to the idea of the two of them together but now we're happy for them.

But the little vacation is over. At least for me anyways. I told the guys to take some extra time off because they deserve it and I need to start patrolling again before something really bad happens. So here I am walking through the park. I already hit a couple of cemeteries and after this I'm going to scope out two more before I go home. Normally I would be home by now or at Riley's working off some post-slaying tension but there's just something about tonight that feels off. I can't really explain it, it's like…I know something bit is going to happen I just don't know what. And it's driving me a little crazy.

Thank God there's a vampire up ahead. All this negative energy is starting to get to me. I pass his little hiding place in the bushes and wait for him to jump me. And in five…four…three…two…one. I pivot around and punch him in the face. He yells out in pain and staggers backward.

"It's not nice sneaking up on someone smaller then you." Ok, that was pretty bad I know. But I had to say something. He lunges at me and I use his momentum to flip him on his back. God, this is great. My adrenaline is pumping, my heart's beating a million miles a minute and every time I hit the vamp it sends little tingles all over my body. I'll never admit it to anyone but Faith was right, slaying does get me pumped up.

"Just die already, slayer." He jumps up and lunges at me again. But I'm ready for him. I kick him in the stomach but he's barley fazed. Before I can back away from him he backhands me in the face and knees me in the gut. Before I can recover or fight back he kicks me in the face and I fall backwards. Dammit, I dropped my stake! I can get it. It's only a couple feet away. I crawl towards it and the vamp stomps on my back, making me scream in pain. That's gonna take a couple days to heal.

"Looks like I win," he says as he rolls me over onto my back and pins me down. He's already vamped out and I'm struggling against him but every move I make sends electric shocks of pain to my back. I look into his bright yellow eyes and he smiles a cold smirk. "I wonder if you'll taste as sweet as you smell." Gross, I hate it when they say stuff like that. I keep trying to get him off me but he's a lot stronger then me and my back hurts so bad.

I can feel his unneeded breath on my neck. I shiver when I feel him lick my skin. Fucking gross! He laughs a little and I yelp in pain when he sinks his teeth into me. He takes a big gulp and I feel him shudder. I can feel him taking unneeded breaths as he drinks more of my blood. I can feel his erection against me as his whole body begins to move around. I'm trying to fight back up I'm getting a little light headed.

I can hear something. Like…a buzzing sound, like when there's a lot of electricity in the air after a lightening storm. I see a bright light appear about thirty feet away from me, over to my right by the park bench. It's getting bigger and it's taking the shape of a door. There's a loud clap, like thunder and something falls out of the door, or portal or whatever it is. The vampire pulls his fangs out of me and looks over at the sight before us. I ignore the pain in my back as I bring my legs up and kick him off me with all my strength. He flies a few feet back and lands on his ass. I jump up and grab my stake and drive it through his heart before he can even get up.

I put my stake in my jacket pocket and slowly walk towards the big, bright light. I can't tell what's sitting in front of it. The light is so bright that all I can see is an outline. And I can hear a noise. A high-pitched sound and I think it's coming from the thing the light spit out. Then there's another loud clap and the light disappears. It takes my eyes a couple minutes to adjust to the darkness and for the little annoying spots to go away. Now that the portalmajig is gone I can clearly hear the noise. It sounds like crying.

I rush over to it and I see a baby. Not a little infant, it looks about a year old, maybe, I'm not too sure. And it's sitting in a stroller, one of those umbrella strollers. And now that my eyes are fully adjusted I can tell the baby is a girl. Unless the parents like dressing their boy up in a lot of pink. I kneel down next to her and take a closer look. She doesn't look hurt, at least I can't see any wounds. Maybe on her back? I unhook the straps and carefully pull her forward by her arms. I run my hand up and down her back but I don't feel anything out of the ordinary.

Ok, I need to go see Giles. I'm pretty sure a baby popping out of a bright portally thing is not an everyday occurrence. Unless childbirth is just a story parents made up to scare their children into not having sex. Getting back to the matter at hand. She's still crying, not as loud as before but she hasn't stopped. We need to get out of here before every vampire in Sunnydale decides they want a late night snack. I sit her back and re-hook the straps and walk around behind the stroller. There's a diaper bag, the strap is wrapped tightly around the handles of the stroller. So was this planned? Did someone or something magically abandon their baby? Well, I won't know until I find out where she came from, and I won't know that until I get the scoobies on the case.

I finally get to Giles' house. I stopped along the way to try and calm the baby down. She was crying so hard that she was starting to cough. I thought she was going to fight against me. I mean, I thought most babies this age have a fear of strangers especially when their parents aren't around, that's what we learned in home ec. But she came right to me and wrapped her little arms around my neck and cried herself to sleep on my shoulder. And she has a very strong grip. If I weren't the slayer she'd probably be choking me to death right now. Anyway, I start pounding on the door a little louder then I normally would. I forgot that everyone else in Sunnydale is asleep. I see some lights turn on and hear a very annoyed Giles.

"Yes? What? What possibly couldn't wait until morning? You inconsiderate-" he stops when he opens the door and sees me standing here. Shock, confusion, surprise, he is all these things. I'm going to kill Xander for talking like that little green guy from Star Wars and getting it stuck in my head. Ok, I've gotten side tracked. Fine out where baby came from now, kill Xander later. "Uh, come in," he says and moves out of the way. I walk into his house and park the stroller off to the side so it's out of the way. "Did a vampire or demon, ah, kill whoever was watching her?" I probably should explain now.

"No, at least I don't think so," I whisper but loud enough for him to hear me. "I was fighting a vampire and then this crackling sound, like electricity, came and then there was, like, a clap of thunder or something and this portally lookin thing came outta nowhere and the stroller rolled out of it. I staked the vamp and after a minute or two the portal disappeared." I sit down on the couch and gently rub the girl's back when she starts to whine a little in her sleep.

"What did the portal look like?" he asks as he walks over to a bookshelf and starts pulling some off and piling them up on a table.

"Well, at first it was a bright ball of light. White light, with occasional sparks of blue. And then it turned into a doorway or something and then the baby came out." I carefully lay her down on the cushion next to me and cover her up with the blanket that was on the back of the couch. She must've lived in a warm place or something because all she's wearing is a thin, light pink dress that reaches her knees. It has little yellow flowers on it and spaghetti straps. Her shoes are pink with red sandals that have a Velcro strap so they won't fall off her feet. Her dark brown hair is put back in a ponytail with a light pink hair tie. The stroller is also a light pink, along with the diaper bag. Ok, whoever the parents are they really need to learn some new colors.

"And when did all of this happen?" I look over at the clock on the wall. It's two-thirty in the morning already. Damn, I thought it was earlier then that.

"I'm not sure. Half an hour ago, maybe a little longer. I would've been here sooner but I had to stop and calm her down. She was starting to choke she was crying so hard." There's something different about her that I can't put my finger on. Whenever I touch her I get these little tingles on the back of my neck. Almost like I did with Faith, only these are stronger. There's no way she can be a slayer though. For one thing I'm still alive and Angel would have called me if Faith died. For another thing, only teenage girls are called so it's completely impossible that this little baby is a slayer.

"And where did all of this take place?" If Giles could be anymore British he'd still be wearing tweed. I sigh and fight back a yawn. Now that my adrenaline is calming down I can feel the full effects of that last fight, and it hurts.

"At the park, by one of the benches. I can take you there. I didn't stick around very long. I needed to get her someplace safe before the vampires heard her." I'm not sure why but I have this weird impulse to run the back of my fingers over her chubby little cheek. I also have this strong desire to protect her. And not just protect her from like I would any other innocent, but from everything that could hurt her. I have this feeling like I have to keep her safe, and not only that but I want to.

"Not tonight, but in the morning I'll have Willow and Tara take a look. Although I think our first priority should be figuring out what she is." For some reason I have the urge to hit him for saying that but I fight it. And I really don't like what he said or the way he said it or the way he looked at her when he said it. Almost like he suspects her of doing something really bad.

"What do you mean 'figure out what she is'? She's a baby, Giles. An innocent. We have to find out where she came from. Maybe her parents are witches and they sent her here to stop a demon from killing her." I don't know hwy I'm getting so mad. I'm probably just really tired only I haven't realized it yet. He puts down the book he was flipping through and sits down in the chair across from me.

"That's a possibility. However, she could be a demon sent here from a demon dimension to be found and raised by humans and when she's old enough she'll try to destroy the world." I want to protest but he keeps talking. "I'm not saying you're wrong and I'm right. She could very well be a human child, but we need to stay open minded to all possibilities until we find out for sure." He does have a point. Even though he's completely wrong. "Do you have a place for her to sleep tonight?" He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes.

"Oh yeah. I'll just go home and pull out the extra crib we keep in the basement for all of the babies that come here through portals." He gives me this look like 'it's too early for your sarcasm'. Or however Giles would say it. "No I don't. I have no idea what to do. There's a diaper bag on the stroller but I haven't gone through it yet. So I don't know if she has any milk or diapers or extra clothes or anything." I really hope this baby wasn't being breastfed before she came here. A bottle and milk I can buy at the store but breast milk? I really don't think the supermarket is going to have a very wide selection.

I get up and take the diaper bag off the stroller and sit back down on the couch. I unzip it and start to pull everything out. Ok, we got some pacifiers, a bottle, a container of formula, six diapers, a box of wipes, a stuffed dog that looks like it's seen better days. A little yellow dress with light purples flowers, and a baby book. Well, not a baby book. 'Green Eggs and Ham' by Dr. Seuss. I open it up and on the inside of the cover the manufacturer put 'This book belongs to:' and in red ink someone wrote 'Addison'. And that handwriting looks vaguely familiar. I put everything back and zip the diaper bag up.

"I'll take her home. I'll get all of the extra pillows and make a barricade or something so she won't roll off my bed. I'll just sleep on the floor or something. I'll bring her back tomorrow, around nine, I guess. Mom will know what to do. She raised me and I turned out just fine." He smiles a little and I'm too tired to care whether or not I should be offended by his lack of words. I pick the baby up and carefully put her in the stroller and hook the straps together. I have no idea how to tie the diaper bag around the handles like it was before so I'll just carry that over my shoulder. I open the front door and I'm about to leave when I hear Giles speak.

"Buffy, do be careful. She may look innocent and helpless but until we determine whether or not she's dangerous you should treat her as if she is." I don't say anything as I walk out onto the porch and shut the door. She isn't dangerous. She is innocent and helpless and for some reason I feel like she's mine.

(The next morning)

So after I got home we had a couple of problems. Most of them involved her diaper that had so much pee in it, it felt like it weighed five pounds. It took me almost twenty minutes to figure out how to put the new diaper on her. I swear they should come with instructions like 'Changing a Baby's Diaper for Dummies' or something. After I got her diaper changed I made up my bed for her but when I laid down on the floor she started whining. I didn't want her to wake up my mom so I laid down in the bed at least a foot away from her. I'm not sure what the rules are about sleeping in the same bed with a baby you don't know. But she crawled over to me and press her body against mine and went back to sleep. I had a little trouble falling asleep because I was afraid of rolling over and squishing her but exhaustion eventually won out.

I just woke up a couple minutes ago. I haven't moved or anything yet because she's awake too and she's quietly jabbering to herself and running her fingers along the palm of my hand. Everything about her is so…tiny. She probably weighs less then fifteen pounds. And she's so adorable, like a little angel or something. I kinda want to know what her parents look like. To see if she looks more like her mom or dad. I don't know why, I just wanna know. She rolls over and looks up at me and smiles when she sees I'm awake. I can't help but smile back.

"Good morning little girl. Did you sleep alright?" I don't expect her to reply or anything. In home ec we learned that you're supposed to talk to them like they can understand you, that later on it'll help with language development. She yawns really wide and I can see that she has almost all of her teeth. She still needs three or four more before she has a full set. "That was a big ol' yawn. Maybe you need some more sleep." She snuggles up to me and I think I'm gonna die. This is the best feeling in the entire world. Why am I feeling this way? I hear a knock on my bedroom door.

"Buffy, Willow and Tara are downstairs. Willow said Mr. Giles called them and said you needed to see them. And breakfast is almost ready." I look over at the clock. It's almost eight-thirty. I guess I'll be a little late showing up at Giles'.

"I'll be down in a minute, Mom." I hear her walk away. I sigh a little. I really don't want to get up. "Well, Addison are you hungry?" She looks up at me and I smile a little. She's just too cute. "I guess that's your name after all." I wasn't too sure, and I'm still not. She could have an older sister named Addison and the book could be a hand-me-down. I sit up and stretch out my arms. My back still hurts a little but nothing like it would if I actually slept on the floor.

I change her diaper just in case she peed again. Although I don't see how she could. I didn't give her anything to drink and I'm sure her bladder is empty judging by the weight of the one last night. It only takes me ten minutes to change her diaper this time, which is a big improvement. It would have been less but she wouldn't hold still. I take out the hair tie and brush her hair with a little difficulty because she wants to do it herself.I take her out of the pink dress and put her in the yellow one. I'll have to do some laundry in case it takes longer then a day to figure out where she came from and who or what her parents are. I'll have to go to the store and get some more diapers. There's only four left. After she's ready I get dressed and brush my hair. I pick her up and rest her on my hip. Alright, here does nothin.

I walk downstairs and into the foyer. I hear Willow talking to my mom. I guess Giles told them about the baby because Willow is retelling it to my mom. I was kind of hoping to explain it first but i know I'll have to go over all the details anyway. I take a deep breath (why am I so nervous?) and I walk into the kitchen. I see my mom on one side of the breakfast bar, Willow and Tara on the other. Mom looks over at me and smiles, which causes Willow to stop talking and she turns around in her seat. Tara does too a couple seconds later. Why are they just staring at me?

"Oh my God!" Willow squeals and jumps up from her seat. She rushes over to me and starts fussing over the baby. Would a 'good morning, Buffy' kill her? "She's just the cutest little thing ever. Yes you are. I could just eat you up. Yes I could." The baby hides her face in my neck and Willow looks like she's about to panic. "Oh no. I didn't scare her, did I? 'Cause sometimes I come on too strong." I smile and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"She's still a little tired. Give her a while and I'm sure she'll be glowing from all the compliments she's going to get." She smiles a little 'thank you' smile and sits back down on the stool and holds Tara's hand. Those two are just so damn cute together, I don't know why I even freaked out in the first place. Ok so maybe it was the little voice in the back of my mind saying 'Willow's gay and she's seen you naked before she was probably checking you out' but I just reminded myself that this is Willow, she wouldn't do something like that.

"So, Buffy, where did you find her?" Mom asks as she opens the fridge and pulls out the carton of eggs. I thought she said 'breakfast is almost ready' not 'I'm almost ready to make breakfast'? Don't you hate it when parents lure their children out of bed with the promise of food only there to be none at all? Me too. "Do you girls want something to eat?" she asks Willow and Tara. Willow says a very enthused 'yes please' and Tara says a very shy 'only if you don't mind'. "I don't mind at all dear. I might as well make an extra large amount. Xander and Anya are on their way over and that boy never says no to my cooking." We all smile and Willow perks up because she has something to say.

"Yeah, he can eat almost as much as Buffy." Hey! Is she saying I eat like a pig or some other animals with bad eating habits? I glare at her a little and she gets a little sheepish. "So, Buffy, you were saying where you found the baby." I sit down across from her and sit the baby in my lap.

"Actually I wasn't but your change of subject is very wise." I sound a little threatening but I'm smiling so she knows I'm just teasing. I hear the crackling of eggs being poured into the hot skillet.

"Now, Buffy, leave Willow alone. It's not her fault you eat almost as much as your whole body weight in one day." And now my own mother is picking on me! I can't believe this. I look over at Willow and she's trying not to smile and failing horribly. I glare at her a little.

"Well, it's a g-good thing you don't w-weigh very much or you'd eat your m-mother out of h-house and h-home," Tara says and then blushes and hides her face behind her hair. Ya know, I can see why WIllow fell for Tara. She's pretty, nice, has killer blue eyes, and she says you're not fat.

"Thank you Tara. It's nice to see someone is keep my fragile ego in mind instead of bruising it." I lance over at Willow and she rolls her eyes. I fidget around a little because my butt's starting to fall asleep. Did we have to buy wooden stools? "Anyway, I was in the park, got jumped by a vampire and we were fighting to the death when there's this, like, sizzling sound. Like the sound in the air right after a big lightening storm?" They nod their heads. Good, they know what I'm talking about. "Then there's this loud noise, like a clap of thunder or something, and this white ball of light came outta nowhere and it got bigger and bigger and then turned into the shape of a door. Then the stroller rolled out of it. I staked the vamp, and then there was another clap of thunder and the light went away." They nod their heads when I finish talking.

"Do you know what the baby's name is?" Mom asks as she pours the scrabbled eggs into a big bowl and starts to make more. I look down at the baby and see that she's looking over at Tara. I look up at Tara and she's making goofy faces at the baby and then the baby hides her face in my neck and sits there for a few seconds before looking at Tara again. Aw, they're playing peek-a-boo. Tara notices me watching and blushes at being caught.

"Um, no, not for sure. I found a book in the diaper bag that has the name 'Addison' in it but I'm not sure if that's her name or not. She could have an older sister or something." My mom pours the second batch of eggs into the bowl and then puts them in the microwave to keep them warm. Then she gets some bacon out of the fridge and puts it in the broiler.

"Well, we'll just have to test it out," she says and stands next to me. She looks at the little girl, who has a handful of my hair and is staring at it like ti's the most interesting thing in the world, and she smiles. "Addison," she says in a sing-song voice and the baby looks up at her."

"Addison," Willow says and she whips her head around to look at Willow. Well it's good that we know her name. Calling her 'the baby' was getting a little demeaning. She's a person too ya know. "Buffy, when Giles called he said he found a spell that would tell us what she is." Not this again. She's an innocent, perfectly harmless and in need of protecting.

"What do you mean, Willow?" Mom asks." She looks like a normal baby girl." At least someone is on my side. Willow gets that serious look on her face like she always does right before she explains something.

"Yeah, she does but if what Buffy says is true and she really did come out of some type of portal then she could've come from anywhere, including one of the thousands of demon dimensions out there. She could even be, like, a human demon hybrid or something." Ok, she's really starting to make me mad. "The spell that Giles found is pretty simple. It won't take long." She and Tara exchange a worried glance.

"But?" I ask and shift around in my seat. I can tell by the looks on their faces that I'm probably not going to like this.

"But it requires a couple drops of the subject's blood." They were right, I don't like this. I don't like it at all.

"Subject, meaning her?" I point to Addison. She grabs my finger and starts to suck on it. Willow nods her head yes and makes an 'ew' face because i haven't pulled my finger away yet. Not that I'm not trying but she has a very strong grip and I don't want to hurt my finger pulling it out of her mouth. "As long as it's only a couple. I mean, a little prick to the finger with a needle can't hurt too bad. Can it?"

(Later that afternoon)

"Willow, hold her arm still!" Giles yells over the loud screaming. Everything we need for the spell is all ready. The only thing we still have to get is Addison's blood. She was fine, holding still, laughing at the goofy look on Xander's face, but as soon as Giles poked her little fingertip with the needle she started freaking out. Willow is trying to get a hold of her arm but Addison is a lot stronger then she looks.

"I'm trying, I'm trying. This kid has super-strength or something. Buffy help me." I refused to take any part of the spell. I wasn't going to help them hurt a little baby and watching her scream and cry like this is more then I can take. I walk over to her and she holds her arms out for me to pick her up. I do and when she's crying into my neck I hold onto her little wrist and hold her hand over the mortar and Willow gently squeezes out three or four drops. She lets go and I take Addison into Giles' bathroom. I close the toilet lid and sit her down on top of it. She's still crying really hard.

"I know, baby, I know. I won't let them do that again, I promise." And I'm not going to. If the spell doesn't work that's just too bad because I'm not going to let them hurt an innocent baby again. She'll probably be traumatized after this or something. I get a tiny band-aid out of the medicine cabinet and kneel down in front of her. She's not crying as loud as before but she's still sobbing. I hold onto her hand to look at the hurt finger and...the puncture is already starting to heal. Ok, so maybe she's not the text book definition of 'normal' after all. I put the band-aid on her and take her back into the living room. She's clinging onto me like her life depends on it and if the spell gives us a bad answer it might.

"Did it work?" I ask as I walk closer to them. Xander and Anya are standing a few feet away from the other three. Willow is hovering over the mortar so Tara and Giles can't get a good look. Ok, what's so interesting? Please don't be a demon. You're too cute to be evil.

"This isn't right. It-it can't be right. Giles, tell me this isn't right," Willow says, she sounds very desperate for the answer. "We'll just do it again. Something must've messed up. Buffy, bring her back over here, I'll get a new needle." Before I can tell her 'no fucking way' the front door slams open. It startles us all and we jump a little and turn to see who it is. Shock, denial, anger, surprise, hatred and a cold shiver run through me all at the same time. I'm lost for words, luckily Willow and Xander know exactly what I'm thinking.

"Faith!"


	23. Dark Side Of The Moon part 3

**Lehane-Summers Household. Present Time.** FPOV

"Faith, are you ok?" I hear Willow ask. I look up from my plate and everyone is staring at me. Thanks Red, 'cause I really wanted to be on the spot like this. Truth be told I'm not ok. B's been gone for almost twenty minutes and that weird feeling I got when she left is just gettin worst. I can't sit still, my leg is shakin a little 'cause I got all this nervous energy and it needs a way out.

"Yeah, Red, I'm fine." They all know I'm lying. I've always been a bad liar, don't know why I try. I look over at the clock. She's been gone for twenty-two minutes. Where the fuck is she? How long does it take to circle the block? I can't take this anymore. I get up and now they're all worried about me and shit. "I'm gonna go see what's takin B so long." I'm almost out of the kitchen when I hear Willow.

"Wait!" I whip around and look at her. She has this weird look on her face, and her eyes are startin to turn white. Ok, what the fuck is wrong with her? "I can feel something...magic...dark magic. Big, dark magic. It's close by." Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Ok, stay calm. There's dark magic all over this town. It's almost as bad as a hellmouth. But Willow's freaked about this so I know I should be too. "Lets go." Xander and Dawn jump up and they head into the living room. I look at Katie, Kyle and Giles. I can tell Giles wants to go but unfortunately he's not gettin around as good as he used to.

"Watch the kids, ok?" They all nod their heads and I walk into the living room. The others are at the weapons chest over in the corner of the room and they're all suiting up. Xander grabs the biggest axe that was in there and I can't help but roll my eyes. He always goes for the big and flashy. I hear someone walkin behind me and I turn to see Mattie followin me and lookin just as serious as everyone else. He walks towards the chest but I grab him by the shoulder. "You can't go, Matthew. You have to stay here." He looks up at me and he looks pissed.

"But aunt Willow said there's bad magic, and Mom and Addison are out there. I can help, Mama. I'm a slayer too, remember?" I was really hoping he wouldn't go through this stage until his teen years. I kneel down next to him so I'm at his eye level and he looks so determined. I can see the slayer inside him tryin to force it's way out. I can't help but feel a little proud.

"I know baby. That's why you gotta stay here." I need to make him feel important or he'll just follow us a couple minutes after we leave. He's never done it before but he's a kid, that's what they do. "You need to stay and protect everyone here. Can you do that for me? Can you keep all of them safe?" He nods his head yes and he looks a little pissed because I won't let him go with us. I walk over to the weapon chest and grab a little hatchet. I walk up to him and give it to him. He looks at it, and flexes his fingers around the handle.

"Be careful with it, it's sharp." He nods his head yes. I lean down and give him a kiss on the cheek. "I love you." He says it back and I walk over to the chest again and grab a broad sword. I turn and face the others. Willow and Xander both have axes, Dawn has a crossbow and a sword. "Lets go." We walk out the door, me in front with the others flanking me. Xander's on my left, Willow and Dawn are on my right. "Ok, Red, where's this big bad mojo comin from?" I turn around and look at her as she closes her eyes and concentrates.

"This way," and she starts walkin down the sidewalk. We all follow her, I don't like the fact that she's ahead of me, it's just a slayer thing to want to be the leader, but she's the only one who can track this thing down so I have to bite back my instincts and just go with it.

"Will, do you know what we're getting ourselves into?" Xander asks. He doesn't sounder nervous, or scared, but he's right, we should at least have some idea before we just jump in. Well, they should have an idea. I don't care what it is if it's tryin to hurt B or Addy I'll kill it no matter how I have to do it. Even if I have to die in the process...woe, when did I get so fuckin noble?

"No, I don't. But it's powerful. Maybe you two should go back to the house. Faith and I can handle this." Yeah right, like that's gonna fuckin work.

"How can you even say that? This thing might be after my sister. I'm staying Willow whether you want me to or not." Xander doesn't say anything but I can feel the anger comin off him because of Red's suggestion. "It's not like we haven't gone up against big bads before." I shake my head a little and try to ignore her but she keeps talkin and it's gettin on my fuckin nerves.

"Dawn, shut up!" There, that go her to be quiet. "It was just a fuckin suggestion. You can stay if you want but just shut the fuck up." I don't mean to be a bitch but there's something about this whole thing that has me on edge and this is what I'm like when I'm on edge. If she can't deal with it she can just go back to the house. They're all quiet as we keep followin Red. We're about five minutes away from the house now. Why did B come so far? Or did something take her? Is she being dragged away right now?

"We're almost there," Red says and I feel the magic comin off of her in waves. The air around her is a little warmer and there's a strong smell, like wet dirt. B told me about this before. That happens whenever Willow draws power from the Earth, like a power boost or something. If Willow's trying to get more power then she already has then this thing's gotta be big and nasty. I grip my sword a little tighter as we keep walkin forward. The tension between the four of us could be cut with a fuckin knife.

I hear it before I see it, the sounds of a fight and I run passed Willow and turn the corner. I see B fighting a demon. From here it looks about six foot, maybe a little taller, with bright red skin, and it's wearin a black cloak. I watch as she tries to punch him in the face, but he blocks and uses one of his large hands to backhand her. She flies towards me as I'm runnin towards the fight, and I drop my sword to catch her. She's goin so fuckin fast that it knocks the wind outta me and we fall backwards.

"Get Addison! Get Addison!" she screams and jumps up. She grabs onto my hand and pulls me to my feet. I get a little glimpse of her face before she runs toward the demon again, it's bruised and bloodied. They've either been at this for a while or that demon is wicked strong. I see the stroller next to a bush in someone's yard. I pick the sword up off the ground and see Xander and Dawn rush towards the fight and I run over to my baby. She's crying and grabbin at the straps that are holdin her in. I give her a quick once over and she looks fine, I don't see any blood or anything. She's just scared.

I turn around just in time to see Dawn being backhanded and she goes flyin back and slams into a tree. I wince as I watch her fall to the ground. Xander runs over to make sure she's ok. He checks her pulse and he doesn't look too worried so she's still alive. I walk towards the demon, goin slow 'cause I don't wanna get too close, not just yet. B's standing about ten feet away from and she looks tired, this fight's takin a lot out of her. It won't be too much longer before she won't be able to fight back.

We rush the demon at the same time and I swing at him with my sword. I cut his arm and he yells in a deep voice that sends a chill to my bones. I see some bright blue blood leak out of the cut. It's just a cut, a scratch, that should've taken his arm off! This demon is way too fuckin strong. B kicks him in the side and he grabs her ankle, and before I can fuckin move he grabs me around my neck and he throws us. I hit the side of a house and I can feel the wood crack from the force. My vision gets a little blurry but it clears up almost instantly.

I look over and see Willow, standing ten feet behind the demon and she's chanting, but I don't think she's gonna be strong enough to stop this. I jump off the at the same time B does. She's all cut up 'cause she landed in some rosebushes. We stop runnin when we see the demon hold his hands out in front of him. A ball of white light is startin to grow off them, and it's getting bigger and bigger. This is not gonna be good. We start runnin towards him at the same time but he yells somethin out and two seconds later I fall to the ground. That fucker! I hate it when they use magic on me!

I look up and the ball of light is about four feet around, and it's really fuckin bright. I can barely look at it. I jump up and start running towards him again but he yells out the same thing as before and I again I fall. I look up again and he throws the light and it goes flying. I look ahead of it and see what it's goin for. No! No, no, no, no, fuckin no! I jump off the ground and start runnin for the large ball and I already know I'm not gonna make it in time. B's runnin for it too but she's farther away from it then I am. I'm runnin faster then I ever have in my fuckin life but I'm not goin fast enough. I watch the big ball of light collide with the stroller, and Addy lets out one long scream and then she's gone, stroller, diaper bag and all.

"NO! NO! FUCKIN NO!" I scream as loud as I can. She's gone. I didn't make it in time and now she's dead. I can't feel anything, I think I'm in shock or something. All I can do is stare at the burnt ground where my daughter used to be. She's gone, she's dead. I'll never get to hold her again. I'll never get to teach her how to ride a bike or read a book or write her name. I'll never hear her laugh, or see her smile, or watch her fall asleep. I'll never hear her fight with Mattie, or scream when she gets mad because she's gone. My baby's gone.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" I scream so loud I think my voice box just snapped. I can feel something now: rage. Pure rage. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach, it's makin the muscles tighten up, it hurts a little. I can feel it flowing through in my veins. I can feel it from my fingertips down to my toes. I can taste it, it's bitter like baker's chocolate. It's all I can feel right now, every other emotion has been cut off. I don't think I've ever been this way before. I'm so pissed I can't see straight and everything is kind of a blur.

I look over at the demon and he starts laughing. It sends shivers all over my body. I run at him. I'm gonna cut his fuckin head off. I'm gonna stab him over and over and over again until he's fuckin nothing! He's gonna fuck die for what he did! He backhands me and sends me flying into the side of a tree. I sit there for maybe half a second before I jump back up. I run towards him again and pick my sword up off the ground and throw it at him. And right before it reaches his chest, it stops. What the fuck?

"Don't kill him!" Willow screams. What the fuck! He just killed my baby and she wants to save him? Why would Willow want to do something like that? I want to hurt her, I want to kill everyone who tries to save this fucker. He's going to die for killing my baby, and I'll kill everyone who gets in my way.

"WHY THE FUCK NOT!" I scream and rush at the demon again but he backhands me again and I fly back at least fifteen feet and land against the side of another tree. I get up and start runnin for the demon again. I don't care how long it takes, this fucker is going to die. I glance behind him and see Willow, her hair is completely white, which means she's makin with the really big magic. She holds her hands out towards the demon and a yellow, semi-transparent bubble goes up around him. She's using her magic to protect a murderer. What the fuck is the matter with her? I lunge at the demon but I bounce off the force field and land hard on my ass.

"She's not dead. That was a portal, he just sent her somewhere else. We need him alive if we're going to get her back." I don't think I've ever heard anything as good as that. I can feel all that rage melt away and I feel relieved. I fall to the ground and just sit there for a few minutes. I can't breathe, why can't I breathe? Buffy...where's Buffy? I look around and she's lying about ten feet away from me. Oh God, she's not moving. I try to stand up but my legs don't want to work. So I crawl to her. She's breathing, and her pulse is strong. She must've passed out after Addy disappeared. I almost did.

I reach out and gently touch her face. I can feel a couple of cracks in her cheekbones. They're not very deep, so they'll heal on their own and she'll be ok. Her face is swollen and bruised and a little bloody. Her lips are cut, her nose is swelling up pretty bad, it's probably broken, and she's all cut up from the rosebushes. Her clothes are torn a little and the front of her shirt is bloody from her nosebleed. I check her hands, some of the bones in them are broken, probably from hitting that demon so hard. Her legs look fine, except for the ankle that he grabbed when he threw us back. I need to get her home so I can fix her up and I can go get Addy.

I legs feel like they're ready to work now so I stand up. They're a little shaky but I'll manage. I gently pick Buffy up and cradle her in my arms. She's completely limp, like she's dead. She'll be fine, she has to be fine. I walk towards the others. I see the demon, wrapped up in that bubble. He's trying to get out but he can't. Willow shrinks the bubble down so it looks like he's in a giant vacuum-sealed bag freezer bag. Dawn's awake again, but she can't walk on her own so Xander's helping her, one of his arms is wrapped around her waist and one of her arms is around his shoulders. Xander has all the weapons in his other arm so I guess we're ready to go.

We walk towards the house in silence. I feel a strain in my stomach and chest. I feel like I'm abandoning her, just leaving the spot where she disappeared. I'm just leaving her there. But I have to leave. We have to figure out a way to get her back and we can't do that on the middle of a sidewalk. Willow has to do the smart witch thing and she'll probably need some supplies or something for whatever spell she's going to cast.

I don't know where we're going to get the supplies. This town doesn't have a magic shop, they probably have a couple in Vegas but it takes at least an hour to get their and back, and if the traffic is bad then it'll take longer. Ok Faith, don't think about that, just think about your baby. She's probably scared and all alone. No, don't think like that. Willow said it was a portal, so she got sent to a different dimension, there are thousands of dimensions out there. Maybe she got sent to the one with no shrimp, it's possible. I'm sure someone found her and is taking care of her right now and she's just waiting for me to come and bring her home.

"I'll get the door," Red says and walks in front of me. I look behind me and the demon is floating in the air and trailing behind us thanks to Red and her magic. Willow opens the door and blocks me from walking in. "I'll have Matt go to his room, just wait here, ok?" I nod my head yes, I'm still feeling a little numb right now, and I was screamin so much I don't think my voice would work even if I tried. I glance over at Dawn and Xander. They're both a little cut up. I don't know how Xander got the cuts. Maybe he tried to hurt the demon when I was runnin for the portal?

"Ok, come on." I follow Red into the house. Everyone is in the living room, waiting for us. They all stand up off the couch and I gently lay B down on it. She's gonna be pissed when she sees the blood stains but whatever. I'll just buy a new couch. I look up when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Giles is standing over me with a bunch of washrags and Katie has a bowl of water. I take the rags from Giles and Katie puts the bowl next to me, on the floor. I clean her up a little bit but most of the damage is bruising. I dip the rag in the water to clean it off and the water turns a nasty brown. This is the part of bein a slayer I hate, seeing the wounds, cleaning them up, it would be fine if I was the only one that got hurt, but B? I hate seeing her get hurt.

"What happened?" I hear Katie ask. Xander starts to explain everything. Since Katie and Kyle aren't used to the slaying thing and hearin about the demons they're a little shocked and very upset, but Giles is only moderately surprised. Either that or he's hiding his emotions, he is British after all. I look up when I hear a sob. Kyle is sitting in my recliner with Dawn in his lap, she's hiding her face in his neck and crying. He's doing his best to comfort her but it's not working. I can't take it...I can't listen to her cry...it's like she's mourning...make it stop!

"Stop it," I try to say but no one can hear me. My throat hurts so fuckin bad from all the screamin earlier. "Stop it." I say it louder but only Xander and Katie hear me 'cause they're only standin a foot away. I get up off the ground and it's like I have tunnel vision. All I can see is Dawn, and her whole body's shakin from her sobs. "Stop it." I say loud enough for everyone to hear me. My voice is horse and cracking and it hurts so fuckin much to talk, but I need to make it stop. "Stop it!" I scream and run over to her. Before anyone can move I grab her and pull her to her feet. I hold onto both of her arms very tight and I shake her.

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT! She's not fucking dead so stop! Stop it! She's not gone yet! She's still alive! We're gonna get her back! Stop crying! Stop!" I keep shaking her and she doesn't stop crying. So I shake her a little harder. "Stop it," my voice is a whisper and I can feel my anger going away. "Stop, just stop." I fall to the floor and Dawn lands in my lap. Oh my God, what did I do? I wrap my arms around her and I break down. I can't help it. I try to stop but I can't. It was just too much. Everything is just too much. I can't take it. I can't do this by myself.

I let go of Dawn and crawl over to Buffy. She's still unconscious. I gently shake her shoulders. "Baby, wake up. Wake up...please." Nothing, she just lies there. I put my head on her chest and cry. I don't know what else to do. Everything is so screwed up, I don't know how to handle it by myself. Addy's gone. I wanna believe that she's somewhere nice but that demon could have taken her anywhere. She could be dead by now, eaten or tortured or sacrificed by another demon or vampire or something. I feel someone grab onto me, their hands are hot and I know it's Red. She's using her magic to make herself stronger. She lifts me off the ground and holds me up so we're eye to eye.

"Faith, stop. You can't break down, not yet. I cast a truth spell on the demon, he told me where he sent her. You have to pull yourself together if you're going to get her back. Do you understand me?" I nod my head yes and finally control my tears. God, I cried in front of everyone like a little fuckin girl. How embarrassing is that? Xander looks completely shocked, I don't think he's ever seen me cry before. Kyle looks pissed but that's understandable. I did almost kill his girlfriend. If I had shaken Dawn just a little harder, just a fraction harder her neck would've snapped. God, how could I just lose control like that? I'm supposed to be a fuckin slayer. I'm supposed to be calm and collected in situations like this. Maybe this is why the slayers before me weren't supposed to have family or friends.

I go into the bathroom and wash my face. Willow is getting some supplies out of her car and then we're going to have a good ol' fashion scooby meeting at the dinner table. I guess the others were so worried and anxious for us to get back that they cleaned everything up just to keep their minds busy. I look at my face in the mirror, I look like hell, but my slayer healing is already kickin in. Willow didn't say where Addy is. She just told me it's a delicate situation and it needs to be discussed with the other scoobies. B still hasn't woken up. I checked her eyes, she doesn't have a concussion. I think she's just shut down emotionally, and psychologically. Apparently she went all catatonic when Glory snatched Dawn.

"Faith we're ready when you are," I hear Xander say as he knocks on the door. I've been in here for ten minutes, washing my face and hands. I still can't believe this is happening. It's like a never ending bad dream or somethin, that's just getting worst. First Riley shows up, then this happens. What next? I don't want to list any guesses 'cause I really don't wanna jinx it. I dry my face off with a towel and go into the kitchen we're all but Kyle and Katie are waiting.

"I'll just go ahead and get to the point," Red says and sighs. "The portal he used didn't send her to another dimension like I thought, which is good." I thought she was getting to the point. Saying useless shit like that is called stalling. "He sent her through time instead." Um...ok. So where is she? "She's in Sunnydale, the summer after we killed Adam." She looks into my eyes. She had been looking down at her fingernails. She sighs and holds my gaze.

"Which means you're in jail and no one there is going to be happy to see you. So I made this." She holds up three little red pouches. "I don't know where she is in Sunnydale and the quicker you get there the better. Hopefully Buffy found her on a patrol or something. And if you run into any of us you need to try and get them into the same place and then throw this on the ground and then get the hell outta the room and whatever you do don't inhale the smoke. It's a forgetting spell. If any of them remembers her or you it could change so much. You and Buffy might not get together because of it, and everything here would be different, no Matt or Addy or any of this. Here's the list of ingredients just in case you need to make more." She slides the pouches and a folded piece of paper over to me and I pick them up and look at them for a few seconds. The other two are being quiet, which is weird.

"You'll need this too." She holds up another leather pouch, only this one is brown and bigger then the others. "When you find her find a safe place to go and pour the sand around in a circle. You need to put some of both your blood in the center of it." I have to hurt my kid, but at least I'll be bringing her home. But still, I'll be hurting her. She'll probably be mad at me for a while. But at least she'll be safe.

"It might take a few minutes for the portal to start to form and since you're not a witch it could take days to get large enough for you to go through." Great, so I guess I'll be stickin around Sunnydale for a while. "Luckily it'll also be forming here in the same spot where I send you there and I'll give it a power boost to make it go faster." Good, that's good. I really just want to get in and get out. I don't wanna stick around and get beat up by Buffy. I know that back then she fuckin hated me, I don't blame her for it, I'm just sayin I'd rather not see her.

"Remember Faith," Giles speaks up. He takes off his glasses and cleans the lenses on his shirt. "Due to the circumstances back then if you do come in contact with any of our past selves don't take any malicious thing they maybe have to say to heart. This was before you came back to Sunnydale and proved how much you have changed." I smile a little despite the circumstances.

"I know G-man. Don't worry about me. I'll go there, find Addy and get out. If B found her I'll deal with it, convince her to give Addy to me 'cause if she thinks I pulled a Shawshank she's not gonna be willin to hand over a little baby to me. Does it matter...I mean, should I not tell them about the future, about me and B or any of this?" I look over at Willow and then Giles and then Xander and back to Willow. She gives me a little smile and fidgets in her seat.

"Well, you're going to be wiping their memories clean of you and Addy. I took some hair out of your hairbrushes for the DNA, so they'll forget all about her and you, well, the present you. They'll...I mean, we'll remember the past you. Well, their present you...you get what I mean right?" I stopped paying attention a while back so I just nod my head like I know what she's sayin. "Alright, well get ready to go. You should probably take a couple of weapons with you just in case." We all get up I put the paper in my back pocket and go to the weapons chest in the living room. I get a knife and a stake. I shouldn't need anything more then this.

I sigh and fallow Willow out to the garage. The circle of sand is already poured. I cut my fingertip with my knife and then put it through my belt. I hold my hand out and let three drops fall into the center of the portal. Willow steps forward but not inside the circle and she says a little chant. I hate chanting, it always gives me a headache. I don't know what she's saying 'cause she isn't speaking English. There's a buzzing sound in the air and my muscles tense up. Then there's a loud cracking sound and a bright ball of light appears in the center of the circle and it slowly takes on the shape of a door. Alright, this is it. I take in a deep breath and step forward, but Willow stops me.

"Faith, good luck." I give a little nod and try to step forward again but she stops me again. "And I know I won't remember because you'll use those potions to make me forget but until you use the potions I'll remember, so please don't, like, make up any stories just to mess with us. Like, don't tell us that in the future the entire world has been enslaved by robots or something." I smile a little bit. Now why would Red think I'd do something like that? Ok, so the thought did cross my mind.

"Well, you're not gonna remember anyway so where's the harm?" I step into the portal before she can answer me. It feels like someone's grabbed onto my chest and is pulling me forward. It's so fuckin bright, I can't keep my eyes open. It feels like I'm fallin in five different ways at one. Cartwheels and spins and shit like that. I think I'm gonna hurl. There's a noise in the background, like a loud gust of wind, and a buzzing sound. I can feel things crawling all over my skin.

I'm spinning around and around and before I can brace myself I'm thrown out of the portal and onto hard ground. I fall down onto my hands and knees. Oh God I'm gonna...I throw up everything that I had earlier. Remind me next Thanksgiving not to eat so much cranberry sauce, and to kill Willow for not warning me about the spinning. I get up on shaky legs and sit down on the park bench a few feet away from where I landed. I take a couple of deep breaths and take a look around. I'm in the park, I know that much. It's good to be back in Sunnydale, I didn't think I would think that but I am.

I won't have to worry about vampires 'cause it's daytime. I just need to find Addy. I have no idea where to start. I guess I'm gonna have to go to B. She'll know where to look. Willow can hack into the police reports, see if a baby was found and turned in...or if a body was found. I don't wanna think that like, but I'd be foolin myself if I didn't think it. If she is dead then I really hope I'm not around any of the scoobs when I find out 'cause I know I'll beat to death the nearest living or un-living person. And I'll do it all in a blind rage so I won't even know who I'm beating. Well, I don't know for sure if that's what's gonna happen but it's a pretty good guess.

I get up and break out into a run. I need to get to Buffy's house. She'll be there, she has to be there. Willow said it's the summer, she doesn't have class and Buffy didn't have a job until after she was brought back from the dead. So she's either at home, at Giles or at the beach. Or possibly shopping. Ok so I have no idea where she is but I have a couple of good ideas. It doesn't take me long to get to Revello Drive. Good thing Sunnydale isn't very big and I still remember where everything is.

I sneak around a little bit. I look in the front windows and then the back ones. I don't see anyone, but Joyce's Jeep is parked in the driveway so she's home. I do the only thing I can, I ring the doorbell. I fidget around a little bit. My last encounter with Joyce wasn't the most pleasant what with me pretending to be Buffy and all that other shit. I tense when she opens the door and a look of horror instantly comes on her face.

"Hi Joyce." I try to sound as friendly as possible. "Look, there's no time to explain, I'm not the Faith you remember. Well, ok so I am, but I've changed, a lot. And I really need to know where B is." I don't think she's breathing. She hasn't called out for B so either she isn't here or Joyce is just in shock. "I know I tried to kill you before and I'm sorry about that but I really need to know where Buffy is. There's a baby, my baby, and I need to get her back." Her eyebrows furrow just a little bit, and not in a surprised sort of way but in a suspicious one. Fuck, she's seen her, she's seen Addy.

"Where are they?" She tries to close the door but I don't let her. I pull my wallet out of my back pocket. I open it up and show Joyce the picture of me and Addy the day we moved into the house in Nevada. It's the most recent picture I have of her on me. She looks at it closely and then up at me. She's having a hard time processing this, that much is obvious. "That's my baby, Joyce. Her name's Addison Kristine Lehane and she's a year old and she was brought here by a demon. Please Joyce, please tell me where my baby is." I don't know whether it's the desperate sound in my voice or the look in my eyes or possibly the picture, maybe it's a mix of all three but she comes out of her shock and looks into my eyes.

"Buffy found her last night. She took her to Rupert's place. They're doing a spell to find out what she is." Ok, what the fuck? I give her a questioning look and I guess she catches my meaning. "All they know is that a little baby came out of a portal, they don't know where she came from so they're doing a spell to find out if she's a demon or not. Buffy's being very protective of her so she won't let them hurt her, but there was something about them needing some of the baby's blood." Why does it always have to be blood? I put my wallet back in my pocket and wrap Joyce in a big hug.

"Thank you. And I'm so sorry." She hugs me back and while she's distracted I slowly reach into my back pocket and pull out one of the pouches. I let go of her and take a step back. I give her a warm smile and hold my breath. I throw the pouch down on the ground and it explodes into a large cloud of pink smoke. I jump down the steps and take off for Giles'. I need to get there and fast before they find out what she is. That'll just bring up more questions that I probably shouldn't answer. If they find out she's a slayer they might want do experiments on her or something.

I run as fast as I can down the stairs without fallin. It's a lot harder then it sounds. I slow down as I reach Giles' door. I don't want B to hear me before I'm ready. I figure I'll go with a big entrance, somethin flashy that they won't expect. Then again I really don't think they're expectin me to show up. I sneak over to the little window like I did when I woke up from the coma, and I look inside. Woe, deja vu. I see all of 'em but B standin in the living room. Giles, Red and...Tara? Her name's Tara, right? Anyway, they're all standin around a table lookin into some bowl. Xander and Anya are a few feet away but they don't look as interested.

"W-w-what does that mean?" Tara asks and looks at Willow. Red looks shocked and a little...upset. Giles isn't sayin anything, his face is a blank slate. "What does purple mean?" They're not answering her. They know. I know they know. Where is she? I don't see her or hear her anywhere. If they did the spell, and it's pretty clear that they did, then they had to get some of her blood so she should be crying. Unless they gave her something that made her go to sleep.

My heart stops when I see B walk into the room with Addy in her arms. I can tell my girl's been cryin, most likely from however they got the blood, and she's clingin to B like her life depends on it. No one in the room notices but Addy gives a little death glare to Giles. I guess he was the one who cut her or whatever he did. That little expression she just made...she definitely takes after B. Only with B it isn't so much her glarin at someone who hurt her, she glares at someone for simply eatin the last half of her sandwich or somethin. She can be possessive of her stuff, and I had to learn that the painful way. Anyway, gettin back to what's goin on.

"Did it work?" B asks and she sounds a little scared. I don't know why I haven't gone in there yet. I want to hold my baby so bad but at the same time I just wanna watch. B's a natural with her, holdin her just right. Addy likes to be held a certain way on your hip and she'll fidget around and whine a little until she's in that perfect spot. I can't help but smile a little as Addy sticks her thumb in her mouth and rests her head on B's shoulder. It's gettin to be her naptime. She's gonna get really cranky here pretty quick. Red catches my attention when she starts to panic.

"This isn't right. It-it can't be right. Giles, tell me this isn't right. We'll just do it again. Something must've messed up. Buffy, bring her back over here, I'll get a new needle." Like hell she is. She's not gonna hurt my baby again. I walk over to the door and throw it open. It slams against the wall and all of 'em jump and whip around. Every single person in this room isn't happy to see me, but I already knew they weren't gonna be. There's a thick silence and I look into B's eyes.

"Faith!" Xander and Red scream at the same time. I wasn't expectin a 'welcome back party' but a little more talking would've been nice. Talking I can handle, it's the not saying anything that drives me crazy. I can't help but smile when Addy reaches for me and says 'mama' in a whiney voice. B looks surprised and shocked and she tightens her grip on my girl. Well, technically our girl but whatever. I take a step forward and Buffy steps back. She hands Addy to Willow and stands in front of the group in that superior stance that she likes to stand in. Ya know the one, shoulders squared, legs shoulder length apart, hands on her hips, stone hard expression on her face.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" she asks and her voice sends shivers through me. Over the years I forgot what that tone sounds like. B hasn't hated me for a long time and hearin her sound like this makes me wanna cry. I look at my baby but B steps to the side and blocks my view. I can hear Addy whining and saying the word 'mama' over and over again. She's gonna start crying soon.

"I came to get my baby." I don't think any of 'em are breathing anymore. The tension is so thick I can almost taste it. I reach back to get my wallet so I can show 'em the pictures but before I can even blink B has me pressed up against a wall. I guess she thought I was goin for a weapon or somethin. I could easily overpower her. I'm a lot stronger then she is 'cause of all the years of training I've had but I'm not gonna win this one by force. At least not without killing one of 'em on accident.

"You haven't been in prison long enough to have fucked one of the guards and have a baby. At least not one this old." She presses her arm against my throat and it's gettin a little hard to breath but I'm not gonna fight back. "What are you doing here Faith? Prison isn't fun so you decided to come back and kill us off? Maybe torture us a little? Or are you gonna switch bodies with one of us?" She pulls me forward and then slams me against the wall. I feel it crack a little 'cause of the force. "Answer me!" I take in a deep breath. This is really fuckin hard 'cause all I wanna do is hold my baby, especially now that she's crying.

"In my back pocket is my wallet. Take it out and see. I have pictures of me and Addison." B looks a little shocked but she covers it up. "I'm not the Faith you know. I know it's gonna sound crazy and a little tacky but I'm from the future." Xander actually lets out a little laugh. Buffy pulls me forward and slams me against the wall again.

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that?" I think she's going to kill me. The look in her eyes says so at least. I don't think she would actually try but she wants to and that's the scary thing. I sigh and lean against the wall. "Xander, go get the chains we used on Spike." Oh, no fuckin way. I watch as Xander walks down the hall, I guess there's a closet back there or something.

"B, please, just look in my back pocket." Her eyes are hard, I forgot they could look like that. All of this is so...sad to see. I'm so glad things worked out fine. Well, if I can get Addy back and then wipe all of their memories of it then things should work out fine. But I'm not leaving without my baby, if Red does something and I go back without her then future B, or my B or whatever you wanna call her, will probably hate me.

But this Buffy has a little bit of a conflict goin on inside her. I can tell she doesn't want to believe me but at the same time she's not so sure. So I do the one thing that always makes my B cave. I make my eyes water up and prepared myself for a long, hard cry. She sighs and keeps her hold on my throat with her right arm as she reaches around and starts to feel my pockets to make sure I'm not lyin. She's takin to time doin it too. I know this is a serious situation, but Addy's fine, she's in great hands, she's safe and not goin anywhere so why not fuck with B a little?

"If you wanted to cop a feel, B, all you had to do was ask," I say in my cocky tone and raise an eyebrow. I know what she's gonna do long before she does. That's just how good I know her. Quicker then the blink of an eye she pulls her right fist back and tries to punch me in the face. I say try because I'm quicker then this B, and I duck down. I only said I wasn't gonna fight back, but I'll avoid a punch to the face if I can. And while I'll all squatted down I might as well get the wallet out. So I reach around and take it out while I stand back up and hold it up for her to see. Xander walks back into the room with some chains and a couple pad locks. They have got to be jokin.

"I don't know what's wrong with her. I can't get her to stop. It's like she wants to go to Faith or something." I look over B's shoulder and Red is bouncin Addy up and down a little but my baby wants me bad and she's screamin her little head off. It's not 'or something', my baby wants me. I try to go to her but B holds me back by my throat. There's only so much more of this I can take before I'll start to fight back. B tosses the wallet down to the floor a few feet behind her so she can hold me with her other arm.

"Will, take Addison upstairs, try to calm her down. Xander, go open the bathroom door and pull the shower curtain back." She's gonna have me take a shower? Well, I'll be damned, this B is kinda kinky after all. Wait...I remember somethin about this, my B told me and I know I should remember 'cause it's kind of important...they're gonna chain me up and put me in the bathtub! Well, fuck that.

"Buffy, I think Faith is telling the truth." I hear Anya say. Wow, out of everyone in here I didn't expect it to be Anya to come to my defense. Maybe Tara, 'cause accordin to B she was just that kinda person. Always willin to give the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. "In her wallet, there are pictures of her and the baby." I look over B's shoulder and Anya's goin through all the pictures that I have in my wallet. This isn't going to end well. "Some pictures of her and a little boy." She flips to one and stops. I know what she's lookin at. Fuck, this isn't gonna be good at all. "When were you and Faith orgasm friends?" B's eyes get about five times their normal size. I think they're gonna pop out of her skull. And no one is breathin again. Except for me and Addy, but she's still cryin. She's startin to cough.

"What! We never were!" B screams. Fuck, it's not like it's that much of an insult, no need to make me go deaf in one fuckin ear.

"Well then how do you explain the picture of you lyin on a bed in nothing more then a thong?" Both Xander and Buffy dive for the fuckin picture. B gets there first and grabs it from her and looks at it wide eyed. "Jeez, take my hand off why don't you. It's not like you couldn't have asked for it." If I didn't think B was gonna kill me before I know she's gonna do it now. A vein in her neck is throbbin so hard I think it's gonna pop.

"Where did you get this? Have you been spying on me?" She lunges for me but I duck and push her away from me. I'm not gonna hurt her but I don't think I deserve to be beat up. I'm just tryin to get my kid back. And that picture was a present, I in no way pushed for it or expected her to give me that. Well, not this B. My B gave it to me when we first started sleepin together.

"I haven't been spying on you! I told you, I'm from the future, things are totally different there and I just wanna get my baby back, so fuck off!" I yell and push her back as she lunges for me again. There's only one way they're gonna one hundred percent believe me that Addy is mine. I pull my knife out of my belt and out of its sheath. Everyone in the room freezes. I hold out my free hand and cut down the middle of my palm. Nothing too deep, it'll heal in the next couple hours. I toss the knife to B and she catches it without even lookin. I hold my hand out to her, almost like an offering or something. "Here, take my blood, do a DNA test. If that's what it'll take to prove that she's mine so I can take her home then do it. Red's big with the magic, I'm sure if she can do a spell to find out that Addy's a slayer then she can do one that'll tell you she's mine."

Silence. That's all I get, is a thick silence from everyone but Addy. She's still tryin to get to me. Red won't be able to hold for very long. She's startin to get tired just keepin a grip on her now. I'm surprised Addy hasn't forced her way outta Red's arms by now. She's gettin tired, that's probably why. If we had done this a couple hours earlier my little baby woulda forced herself to me by now. Well, B probably woulda stopped her, but she would've pushed passed everyone else.

"This isn't possible." Red says and hands Addy to Tara. Big mistake. Blondie over there believes me and five bucks says she's thinkin about handin her over right now while she has the chance. "I mean, if a slayer had a baby the purple wouldn't be this dark because of the dad's DNA, it would be light color, but this...it means she's a whole slayer, that both of her parents are slayers. That's just not possible. I mean, unless you really are from the future and somehow scientists have figured out how to let two women have a baby." She glances over at Tara. I can't stand to see that look in her eyes. She's so...hopeful. She wants to one day have a baby with Tara, and I can't stand to see it 'cause I know it's never gonna happen. I am Faith, bringer of disappointment. I watch as my blood starts to drip off my hand and onto the floor.

"Not science, Red. Magic." I give 'em a chance to let that sink in. "I'll do the big explanation, tell ya what the future's like and all that shit, just let me hold my baby. Please, give her back." I look into Tara's eyes and let mine water up a little. She takes in a deep breath and holds it. She looks away from me. This is killin her inside 'cause she knows Addy's mine, and she wants to hand her over, but she's afraid of what the rest will think.

"Not yet," B says, her voice is still as hard as stone or some shit like that. It feels like a blow to the gut. "Not until we prove it. I'm not about to hand over an innocent baby to you. And just because you're from the future it doesn't explain this." She holds up the picture of her. She hasn't look at any of the others. If she would just keep flippin through 'em then she would see the family picture that we got taken together when Mattie was two. B looks into my eyes and sighs. She hands the knife to Red.

"Will, do the test. I wanna know what the fuck is going on." She points to the couch and looks at me again. Ok, what is she thinkin? "Sit down." I don't move. "If we're going to do this then you're going to be chained up." I look over to my left when I hear a noise. Giles has the tranquilizer gun and he's pointing it right at me. Gotta give props to G-man, I wasn't expecting that one.

"If you cooperate we'll let you stay awake," he tells me and I know he's serious. Great, this is just fuckin great. I look at Buffy and she has this smug little grin on her face. Why does B have to be such a bitch all the time? Ok, so the me tryin to kill her and her mom and friends and then takin her body has me out of her good graces but that was like...a couple months ago. This sucks. I sigh and sit down on the couch. I sit still has B wraps the chains around me, she does 'em up a little too tight on purpose. Then she snaps the locks into place. They put Xander in charge of bandaging my hand. Do they hate me that much?

"So, you're from the future, huh?" he asks, sounding a little...curious, I guess. Great, he's gonna start asking about himself. Well, here's my opportunity to fuck with him a little. This day could go well after all. "Am I successful? Got a high payin job, lots of ladies chasin after me?" He's talkin low enough so Anya won't hear him or she'd probably smack him. I didn't know her for a long time but she's pretty easy to figure out. I sigh and look into his eyes. It's a little weird since I'm so used to seein him with the patch.

"Last I heard you gotta sex change and you and your husband are living happily ever after in Vegas." He looks like he's gonna faint. That was fun, and very easy. Who else can I fuck with? I don't wanna be mean to Anya. Somethin seems a little wrong about fuckin to a girl you know is gonna die in a couple a years. So if she asks any questions I'll just tell her what she wants to hear. She has a high paying job, makes lots of money and lives in a huge mansion with three kids and a drop dead sexy husband. That'll keep her satisfied. Tara probably won't ask anything 'cause if I remember right about what B said she seems to want to keep the natural order of things flowin. Red might be a problem.

"Ok, Tara, will you hold her still? I need to get some more blood." I look over at Red and she's holdin a needle and lookin at my little girl. I can't just sit here and watch it happen, she's cryin enough as it is. And they're gonna hurt her. I can't...I have to do something.

"Can't you just use some of her spit? That's what they do in hospitals, right?" The look Red gives me could burn the skin off a cat. B tenses up when I start to flex my muscles. These chains are pretty tight, but I might be able to break through 'em. Slayer strength plus maternal instinct equals someone strong enough to break through chain. And I'm thinkin B knows that, or at least thinks it's a possibility.

"This isn't a hospital, I don't have any of the equipment they use, so no I can't. I need some blood if I'm going to do this." Then she gives me this look like she wants to say something but at the same time she wants to keep her mouth shut. It's gonna be an insult, five bucks says it is. "And I doubt that it's true but if it is, you must be one terrible mother to let your little baby crawl into a time portal." Ouch, that actually stung a little. I want to ignore it, I really do, but I just can't. I've never just let people talk to me like this, and I'm not gonna start now.

"Yeah, I guess I am." They all know I'm being sarcastic 'cause of the tone I'm using. "I mean, what was I thinking trying to save her life from a demon and almost dying doing it? But I guess I've learned my lesson." I look her right in the eyes and she just looks away. "What, no witty come back?" She doesn't say anything, she just picks up the little bowl thing and takes it into the kitchen and cleans it out. This fuckin sucks. I hate being tied up. Well, I hate being tied up when it isn't silk and I'm being eaten by Buffy. When I get home and everything goes back to normal I'm so gonna have her do that. Only I'll have her use the strap on so I can kiss her as she fucks me.

"What are you smiling about?" B asks in a harsh tone. I sigh and try to relax. Red's back in the room and she's holdin the needle again. Addy starts to cry harder and I flex my muscles again. I could break through these chains, and I just might. I need to say somethin to B 'cause she's getting a little pissed. But I can't tell her what I was thinkin about 'cause she'll probably kill me. So I'll just have to lie my way through this one. I hope it sounds convincing.

"Nothin, just thinkin 'bout what I'm gonna do when I get home." There, it wasn't a total lie 'cause I was really thinkin about that. She just doesn't need the details. I look over at Red and Tara. Red's tryin to get a hold of Addy's wrist but she won't let. And she's cryin really loud now. I can't take this. "Please, you guys, please just let me hold her, she'll calm down." None of 'em move. Addy keeps cryin and Red keeps tryin to get a hold of her hand. That's it, these chains are comin off. I try to pry my arms away from my body but Giles raises the gun. "B, you hold her. She'll calm down a little." She gives me this suspicious look but I know she's been dyin to go over there and hold our girl.

"Shh, baby, it's ok. Shh," B says as she puts down the knife and takes Addison from Tara. She bounces her a little and Addison puts her head on B's shoulder and starts suckin on her thumb. I can't help but smile a little bit. B's a natural at this, but I already knew that. Sure she has her days where she has no fuckin clue what she's doin and she freaks out a little, but for the most part she knows exactly what to do when it comes to the kids. I'm the one who's lost most of the time. She holds onto Addy's wrist and Red pokes her middle finger with the needle. Addy starts freakin out, squirmin, tryin to get away, but B has a good hold on her. Red let's a couple drops drip down in the little bowl thing. When she's done B takes Addy into the bathroom to get another band-aid.

"So how does this work?" Xander asks and sits down in the chair next to the table. "I didn't even know they had spells for stuff like this." Neither did I. Then again if Red's magic can help make Addy I shouldn't be surprised it could tell them who she belongs to and what she is. Red takes a deep breath. She picks up the knife and tries to get the blood to drip off but it's already startin to dry. She sighs and cleans it off with a rag.

"I need to mix their blood and after I mix in the Fleabane and say the incantation the blood will turn a different color. If she really is Faith's then the colors will be the same, otherwise they'll be different. Like, Faith's blood could turn black." She gives me a little glare. I roll my eyes and try to listen in on what's goin on in the bathroom but I can't. "And Addison's could be pink. It's pretty simple stuff. But I need a couple drops of Faith's blood." She looks over at me and I can tell she's afraid, even though she's tryin to cover it up.

"Well, are you gonna get some or not? Look, Red, I know I'm right, I'm not lyin to you guys. I just wanna get my baby and go home. So hurry the fuck up so I can do that, ok? I really need to get home." Just thinkin about how I left B……maybe I should've stayed a little longer. What if she's not wakin up? What if she's paralyzed and she was tryin to move around but she couldn't? What if she has a blood clot in her spine and the paralysis spreads and she stops breathing and no one notices and she suffocates to death? Ok, Faith, stop freakin yourself out. She's fine. She was just so devastated 'cause she thought Addy was gone forever and she passed out. Very understandable. She's gonna be fine.

"Why? Why do you need to get home so badly? Is it the demon? Because I thought you said you killed the demon." Leave it to Anya to ask the questions I really don't wanna answer. I sigh and shift around a little bit. Xander and Willow are walkin closer to me but they're being cautious about it. If they keep movin at that speed they'll be over here in about an hour.

"The demon's been taken care of." Apparently Willow killed it after she did the truth spell. "It hurt someone real bad and I need to get back and make sure she's ok." I don't wanna say it's B. I don't want them askin questions about me and B's relationship 'cause I know they're gonna think I'm lying. And I don't wanna argue with them. I just wanna hold my little girl and get the fuck outta here.

"You mean Buffy?" Again with the askin of intrusive questions. She really is this annoying, huh? And here I thought she just did it to piss us off. "You got all sad when you said it and you only have pictures of one baby girl, the other is a boy. So you're worried about Buffy?" I sigh and nod my head. I hold my breath as Xander gently unwraps the bandage and Red opens up the cut that was startin to heal. She's not too nice about it either. She lets my blood drip into the bowl and Xander wraps my hand up again and they walk away. I hear B walkin down the hall and Addy is still cryin. Only this isn't a pain cry, it's a tired cry.

"Shh, Addison. It's ok baby girl, I'm not gonna let big bad Willow do that again." Red gives her a little glare but B ignores it. She tries bouncin Addy a little, she tries rockin her, but our girl just won't quit. She gets like this when she's tired. "Shh, please baby girl, please stop cryin." I sigh and shift around a little. I hate just sittin here and doin nothing. I hate it more then you'll ever know.

"She's gettin tired. You got the diaper bag right?" B nods her head yes. "Make her a bottle and there shoulda been a book in the diaper bag I don't know if you remembered to put it back or not." Oh shit! I wasn't supposed to say that. Fuck. I really didn't want to talk about this but I guess I'm gonna have to now. B's eyes bug out, they get about ten minutes their normal size. Earlier when she freaked about the picture I just told her that things are different in the future, I never told her that we're together and we have kids. I give a little nervous laugh. "Uh, surprise B. Addy is yours too. And the little boy in the picture." I nod my head towards the pictures on the table. "He's ours too." She picks a picture up off the table and looks at it.

"But how?" I sigh and shift around a little bit. These chains are really fuckin tight. My fingers are startin to go numb.

"I told you, B, magic. Red cast a spell and it changed some stuff inside us so we could conceive." She closes her eyes and gets this look on her face like she's gonna get sick. Hmm, that's interesting.

"Not that. I mean, how are we together? I hate you, I'd probably sleep with Spike before sleeping with you." Well, technically she is right. I mean, she did sleep with him while I was tucked away in prison so she slept with him first. I must have one of those all knowing looks on my face 'cause I think she's gonna faint. "I sleep with Spike!" Addy starts screamin again and B snaps back to reality and tries to calm her down. "Why would I do something like that?" I don't wanna tell her this part. But I'm gonna wipe their memories anyway so I might as well. I always have the option of lying. Nah, I think even now B will be able to tell if I'm lyin or not.

"You were……emotionally disturbed at the time. You needed someone who would fuck you rough and he was there. But you got help, got better and when I came back you stepped out of the land of denial and owned up to your feelings." Everyone is givin he some shocking looks. "We close the hellmouth for good and we finally get to leave Sunnydale. We move, end up gettin together and now we're a happy family, complete with two car garage in the middle of suburbia and a Golden Retriever." Everyone kinda smiles a little, except for Red and B. Red glares at me, I guess she really hates the thought of me bein happy. Or at least me bein happy with B. Buffy is jus tryin to let it all soak in.

"Stop this." Giles says and lifts the gun again. "You shouldn't be telling us this. Who knows how much you've changed just by coming here. To tell us what the future holds, whether true or not…..you could cause catastrophe by telling us this. So no more." I wanna smile 'cause I got those pouches that'll make 'em all forget but they can't know that. They might take them. Red looks up from the bowl and glares at me. I guess the spell finished. Addy starts cryin again.

"Are you gonna make her a bottle and read to her or not?" I ask a little harsher then I intended. But she's startin to piss me off. Our girl needs her and she's not doin anything about it. Buffy hands Addy back to Tara and goes into the kitchen. I watch as she unzips the diaper bag. Was it on the counter the entire time? She pulls out the can of formula and the bottle. She looks a little lost. Didn't she make her a bottle for breakfast? Did Addy eat anything today? "What did you feed her this morning?" She takes the lid off the formula and off the bottle.

"Some eggs and bacon and toast." I bet she loved that. Her usual breakfast is a pancake and a bottle. "It makes sense now that I know she's a slayer. She ate almost as much as Xander." I can't help but smile with pride. That's my girl, eatin more then her share. I swear this kid is like a never-ending pit. She'll just keep eating and eating. But she's a growin girl, she needs all that food if she's gonna become a kick ass vampire slayer. "Faith," she sounds…embarrassed. "How do I do this?" Ah, that's why.

"Fill the bottle up to the eight, heat it up for thirty seconds and put in four scoops of formula, shake it up until all the chunks are gone." I look over at Red and she's still glarin. She moves a little closer to Tara and my baby. I'm not liking this at all. The look on her face, the hate just pourin outta her in waves, she could do something on accident with her magic. She could lose control and hurt my girl. "So Red, what did the spell say?" She looks like she's gonna flip out. Tara walks over to the bowl and takes a look. She looks over at me with…sympathy? I guess she feels bad for puttin me through all this shit for nothing.

"She's t-t-telling the truth. The b-b-baby is r-r-really hers." Xander's lookin a little pale. Anya looks bored, Willow's pissed, Giles looks surprised and I can't see B's face 'cause her back is turned but I'm sure she's surprised. Tara takes a step towards me but Red stops her.

"No, Tara, we don't know for sure. She could have done something, she could've cast a spell to change their DNA or something. We need to do some more spells, we need to prove that she's lying." Well fuck you too Red. I look into Tara's eyes and let mine water up a little bit. Addy starts cryin again 'cause she's cranky. She looks at me and reaches for me sayin the word 'mama' over and over again like when I first showed up. That's my girl, provin Red wrong. I can see the shock and horror on Red's face. I can't help but smile very smugly.

"W-w-willow, you know as much as I do that there's no getting around the spell you just did. If she did s-s-something to try and alter their DNA that spell would have revealed it. She isn't lying." She isn't stuttering as much as I remember. I mean, I only heard her try to say one sentence and I went all bitch-o but still. I guess she's really grown or whatever. I see Xander reach into his back pocket. I can't see what he's holding but I'm willing to bet it's the key to these pad locks. They all look a little…lost.

"Whatta we do Buff?" I look into the kitchen and see B shakin up the bottle. It's about damn time. Our little baby is still cryin 'cause she really needs a bottle and a nice long nap. I feel the same, only I wanna bottle a JD, but still a bottle and a nap sounds like heaven. Maybe I should get some rest before I go home. I mean, fightin the demon, thinkin Addy died, and goin through the portal, I feel like I'm gonna pass out. And I have enough money in my wallet to afford a room at a nice hotel here in town. If it was just me I would just stay in a shit hole like what I lived in before, but I'm not gonna let my kid go anywhere near that place.

"Addison is hers, there's nothing we can do." What? What the fuck is she talking about? "Unchain her." Oh thank God! I sit up a little straighter on the couch and lean forward a little bit, tryin to get a little closer to Xander without fallin off the couch.

"What?" Red yells. She looks a little surprised. "You can't be serious? You're just going to unchain Faith and hand over an innocent baby? Buffy she could be lying. What if she's playing us, and hurts Addison the second you hand her over?"

"Fuck you Red, I would never hurt my kid." She turns to me and she looks pretty pissed off. I struggle against the chains. If I wanted I could break through these and if Xander doesn't unchain me soon I will.

"Yeah, 'cause you're just so trust worthy. You've never lied to us before, you would never try to hurt someone. Get real, Faith. You're a killer, it's what you do. And we can't just hand over a little baby to some evil skank bomb like you." That's it, these are comin off. I take in a deep breath and focus all of my energy into my arms. Giles taught us how to do that when we opened up the slayer school. Anyway, I focus all my energy and push my arms outward away from my body. The chains snap and fall off me. I stand up and everyone is lookin at me like they're at a zoo and lion just escaped. B runs into the room and hands the bottle to Tara before standin in front of the group and gettin into a fighting stance.

"I'm not gonna fight you, B. I just want my baby back. Please, just give her back." Addy isn't cryin anymore 'cause she's too busy suckin on her bottle. She's snortin and gruntin and makin all sorts of sounds. B backs up and gently takes Addy out of Tara's arms. She's handed over willingly and Red looks like she's about to burst she's so pissed. Buffy slowly walks up to me and gives Addy a little kiss on the head before gently handing her over. I take my baby in my arms and I can't help but cry. Just a few hours ago I thought I'd never see her again, hold her again. Her little body pressed up against mine feels so……I can't describe it, but it's probably the best feeling in the entire world. I sit down in the chair to the left of the couch and cradle my baby in my arms as she drinks her bottle.

I sniffle loudly and someone holds out a Kleenex. I look up and see B standing there with a box of 'em in her hand. I take it from her and wipe my nose and nod a thanks. She smiles a little and backs up. I look down at my little girl again. She's lookin up at me while she drinks her bottle. She's big enough to hold it on her own and she gets mad when people try to do it for her. I gently caress her check with the back of my fingers but she gets annoyed and frowns but when I don't stop she pulls her face away and grunts. I can't help but smile.

"She has quite the attitude, doesn't she?" Anya asks. I look up and they're all watching me. I smile wide and look at B. She wants to smile but she won't let herself.

"Yeah, takes after her mom." I give B a little wink and look down at my girl again. Her eyelids are tryin to close but she's fighting it. If I had the book I could read to her and she'd go right to sleep. I still haven't memorized it yet. I have about half of it down but it'll take while to memorize the last half. "B, where's the book?" I look up at her and she walks into the kitchen where the diaper bag is. I feel a little tug on my hair and I look down and Addy's playin with a lock of it. She's twistin in her fingers around it and pullin until all the hair slips through her fingers and she starts all over. B brings me the book and I open it up and clear my throat and read my baby girl her favorite story.

"Shh, sleep little angel girl," I whisper when Addy opens her eyes a little. I'm puttin her on Giles' bed since she fell asleep a few minutes ago. I gently stroke my hand over her eyes and she closes them and her breathing evens out again. I give her a little kiss on the forehead and cover her up with the blanket. I leave one more little kiss on her cheek and leave the room. I stand in the doorway and watch her. I just got her back, she's not leavin my sight. I don't turn and look who's walkin up to me 'cause I already know. I can feel it 'cause of our slayer connection. I lean up against the doorway so B can look in too and not feel crowded.

"She's really ours?" she whispers and I smile. She sounds all awestruck or somethin. I think she only time B's ever sounded like that was after the kids were born and she was holdin 'em in her arms for the first time. I look at her and she has that look on her face, that 'this is real, they're real and they're mine'. I smile again and fold my arms across my chest.

"Yeah, she is. She was born November 11, 2012. She was tiny, five pounds, seven ounces. She was a month premature but that's normal for the first pregnancy." She looks down at the pictures in her hands. She hasn't put 'em down yet. I'm gonna have to take those back before I throw the pouch and make them forget all of this. I don't wanna, I want B to remember what kinda future she has to look forward to. But I know I can't let that happen. If she knows that she has a family in the future then she might not try as hard as she does to save Dawn and if she doesn't die then the slayer line won't be as fucked up as it was, and the First won't be as strong as it was, and I won't have to go to Sunnydale after I save Angel so I'll just turn myself back in and rot in jail for the rest of my life. Ya see what I'm gettin at?

"What about him?" she asks and holds up the picture of our boy. I smile and slowly take it from her so I can look at it a little closer. He's five in this picture, after his very first t-ball game. He slid into home base getting his uniform all dirty, and dirt all over his face and in his hair. B almost had a heart attack tryin to get everything spotless again. He was so excited that he got to join a sport. He's always wanted to but we were a little nervous 'cause of his slayer skills. We thought someone would notice that he's…advanced when it comes to coordination and speed and stuff like that. But he made sure to miss the ball every once in a while.

"Matthew James. He was the best accident to ever happen," I tell her and smile as I look at the picture. He's missing three of his teeth, his hair is all messy and his clothes are so fuckin dirty from the slide he did. B washed 'em seven times before she got all of it out. "We were livin in this apartment building up north, a witch cast a spell that she couldn't handle and it affected you. I came back from New York that night and you pretty much jumped me as soon as I walked in the door." She shakes her head a little bit and looks a little grossed out. I try not to roll my eyes.

"You gave birth on July 18, 2006. You were in labor for nine hours. Screamed and cussed your head off, not literally though." I hand the picture back and she looks at it again. "We thought he was gonna be a girl since neither of us have a Y chromosome. It took us a few days to decide on a name." I wanna tell her that it was Dawn that suggested Matthew but I can't. Dawn isn't here yet. The monks still haven't created her.

"How old is he here?" she asks and holds up the family picture that we had taken by a professional. We're gonna get another one taken for Christmas since we haven't gotten one with Addy yet. I take the picture from her and look at it. It's been so long since I've look through all the pictures we've taken of our babies. All the pictures we've taken since we became a couple. There are hundreds, maybe close to a thousand, but I'll get through 'em all when I get home.

"Two months. He was supposed to be propped up with a pillow in between us but he cried until you picked him up. He's clingy sometimes. He's seven years old now. On his first day of kindergarten I bawled like a little baby 'cause I didn't wanna leave him, he practically pushed us out the door 'cause we were embarrassing him. You didn't break down until we were at the mall and you saw a little suit that would've fit him." She smiles and shakes her head a little.

"How long have we been together?" I hand her the picture and she puts it back in the pile. I look down at my engagement ring. Gross, there's blood on it. Remind to take it off the next time I get a bad feelin and go lookin for B.

"Nine years." I hold up my hand so she can see the ring. "I proposed two Christmases ago, I think." I can't remember exactly when. "We're still makin plans for it, we wanna wait a little while." I can't tell her that we're gonna wait until we graduate 'cause then she'll ask why she never graduated college and I don't wanna tell her all that sad stuff. "We live in Nevada now, a little town called Lincoln. It's not a hellmouth but it has its share of supernatural evils." I look over at our little girl. She's rollin over, hopefully she's still asleep. "I need to get back. Things were pretty bad when I left." I walk into the room and carefully pick up my girl. Luckily she stays asleep. I guess this day was too stressful for her 'cause she's normally a pretty light sleeper, just like B.

I'm standin at the front door of Giles' place. They're all standin in front of me. Addy is still asleep and in her stroller. I don't know where I'm gonna perform the spell but I'll find a quiet place. Red still looks a little mad but luckily she won't remember any of this. B looks a little sad. Not 'cause I'm leaving but because Addy is. When I let B hold her and say goodbye she almost didn't give her back. They're all standin pretty close together so it should be pretty easy for the smoke to reach all of 'em but I'll throw both pouches just in case. I open up the front door 'cause I'm gonna have to pick up the stroller and run as fast as I can.

We've already said our goodbyes but there's one thing that I wanna do before I go. I take a couple steps forward and grab B by the arms and pull her to me and kiss her for all I'm worth. It takes her a couple seconds but she kisses me back. I'm suckin on her bottom lip so she'll be distracted enough for the next couple seconds. I slowly reach into my back pocket and pull out the leather pouches. I pull back from the kiss and she's panting and lookin shocked but turned on at the same time.

"See ya at home," I say and hold my breath and throw both the pouches on the ground and they explode into two huge clouds of pink smoke. I turn around and grab onto the stroller and run as fast as I can without fallin. I don't know where I'm gonna go, it'll have to be somewhere Buffy wouldn't go. So maybe a warehouse. I'll figure it out and get home and then everything will be ok again.


	24. Calm After The Storm

**The Next Morning.** FPOV

I just woke up a couple minutes ago. I'm still lyin in my bed with both of my babies in between me and B. She's still so beat up from that demon. It's going to take a least a week for all of her bruises to go away and until then she's gonna stay in the house 'cause she doesn't want the neighbors thinkin I did anything to her. She's so tired, so…emotionally drained. We all are. I think we're gonna spend the next couple days just loungin around then house. Mattie's still on Thanksgiving break, he doesn't go back to school until next week and we have enough left overs to last us a day or two and when those run out we can just order pizza. There, it's a plan. No leaving the house until we're all rested. I don't think I'm gonna wear anything but my pajamas.

B was awake when I got home last night. She was so…gone. Dawn and Red were trying to talk to her, tellin her that Addy was still alive but she wasn't listenin. I don't think she could've even if she tried. She was sitting on our bed, holding Mattie so tight that there're some bruises on his back. When she looked up and she saw the two of us…she started crying so hard. And I sat down on the bed and she took Addy from me and kissed her all over her face and clung onto her for twenty minutes until she finally fell asleep. She hasn't woken up yet. I'm not gonna wake her up either.

All three of 'em are still sleepin. Mattie was so upset 'cause of the way B just shut down. He thought his sister was dead. Even with Willow and Dawn tellin him she wasn't he still thought it 'cause not only was B breakin down but Addy was gone so he didn't believe them. I held onto him when B was holding Addy. He cried pretty hard, I don't think I've ever seen him like that. And now we're all tired. And it's gonna take a while to get over this. Especially for him. He's not like us. He doesn't have years of experience dealing with demons and the damage they bring. He's never suffered loss before. Even if it was only for a few hours he still went through. I really hope he's gonna be ok.

I slowly lean up a little bit so my head's propped up with my arm. I'm sore all over from bein thrown against that tree so many fuckin times, and that house. I hope there isn't too much damage. Even though I'm sore all over and layin like this is killin me I'm lovin the view. B's layin so she's in a fetal position and her arms are wrapped around Addy. Mattie is layin with the back of his head against Addy's chest, and the rest of his body is slanting towards me. I was holding him but I guess he rolled outta my arms or somethin last night.

Addy needs to be changed, I can smell it from here. Half of me wants to let her sleep 'cause she looks so damn peaceful, plus B's all wrapped around her. But I know that if I don't change her she could get diaper rash and that doesn't sound like fun. I slowly get out of bed so I don't move the mattress or nothin. Mattie can sleep through almost anything, it'll take more to wake Addy but B is probably the lightest sleeper in the world. It took a while to get used to it when we started staying over at each other's apartments. Anyway, I walk around to the other side of the bed and very slowly lift B's arm off Addy and as gently as I can I start to lift my girl up off the bed.

"No," B mumbles in her sleep and wraps her arms around Addy again, only a little tighter this time like she's clutchin onto a teddy bear or somethin. "Mine…can't have." I lean down so my mouth is right next to B's ear. Hopefully I can coax her into lettin Addy go. I do that sometimes when I need to get up but B doesn't wanna let go of me. It usually works but sometimes she wakes up.

"Don't worry baby," I whisper really soft so hopefully she'll stay asleep. I want her to get as much rest as possible before she wakes up. "I'll give her right back. Shh, B, it's ok." I slowly untangle B's arms again and gently lift Addy off the bed and hold her against me so her head is on my shoulder. B whimpers a little bit and starts to feel around the bed. Her hands find Mattie and she pulls him really close to her and she calms down. I leave a little kiss on her ear and leave the room. Addy whines a little and tries to bury her face deeper into my neck. It woulda been stupid to hope she'd stay asleep. I take her into her bedroom and lay her down on the changing table.

"How's my girl this morning?" I ask and she just yawns and rubs her eyes. "Yeah, I know the feelin." I change her diaper and put her back into her pajamas. Like I said, no getting dressed for the next couple of days, that means all of us not just me. "You hungry?" She nods her head yes and I pick her up again and take her into the kitchen. I put her in her high chair and grab the pancake mix outta the cupboard and the waffles out of the freezer. I hold both the boxes up in front of her. "Do you want waffles?" I hold the waffle box a little closer to her. "Or, pancakes?" I pull the waffle box back and put other box closer to her. She looks at both of 'em for about a minute before she points to the waffles. "Alright, waffle it is." I make us some breakfast and it's pretty quiet while we eat.

I wonder if she remembers any of it. Does she remember B chainin me up? Does she remember the way the scoobs were talkin to me? I know she doesn't know what the words mean but their tones were harsh and babies pick up on that, and the room was wicked tense, she probably picked up on that too. I hope she's ok and isn't gonna be traumatized or nothin because of what happened. This was her first experience of the supernatural kind. She hasn't even been near a vampire yet.

I'd kinda like to be in control whenever my kids are around a demon or vamp or whatever. We are gonna teach 'em how to slay when they're around twelve or thirteen. They'll have a lot of training before they go on a patrol but I'm sure me or B will bring a newbie vamp back to the house so they can practice.

Kinda how a mother lion will bring back a rabbit or somethin for her cubs to play with, it helps with the hunting skills. B's a little nervous about that, but I don't nothin too bad'll happen. We're gonna build a training room in the backyard and the weapons will be kept in the house and we'll have a bunch of crosses and stuff on the wall and it's not like we're gonna just leave 'em alone the room with a vamp. We'll be there in case one of us needs to step in.

I look up when I hear B walk into the room. She has tears runnin down her face and she looks like she's gonna break down. I get up and run over to her side and wrap my arms around her. She clings onto me and buries her face in my neck and cries. I gently rub the back of her head and rock her a little. I pull out a chair from the table and sit down and pull her into my lap.

"I woke up and you were gone," she sobs and clings onto me a little tired. I shoulda known she would be like this. Nothin really I coulda done about it 'cause Addy needs to eat and she'll just make a big mess in the bedroom, but I shoulda been a little prepared for it, or at least expected.

"I know baby, I'm sorry. But Addy was gettin hungry and she needed to be changed." She shakes her head no and leans back so I can see her face. It's all red from her cryin, her eyes are bloodshot and puffy and her nose is all stuffed up. I gently wipe her tears off her cheeks.

"I mean yesterday." She hiccups a little and sucks in a big breath before she lets it out. She's tryin to calm down but she can't make it happen. "I remember passing out when I thought she…." she can't say it but I know what she means. "And I woke up and you two were gone and I didn't know where you were. I thought I lost both of you forever." She breaks down again and buries her face in my neck. "I thought he killed my baby. I thought she was gone." I gently rub her back and try to calm her down but it isn't workin too well.

"It's ok, B. I got her back. I brought her home. She's safe, baby, everything's fine. The demon's dead and we're both ok. I got some cuts but those'll get better. She's fine though, not a scratch on her." Except for the two little marks on her fingers from yesterday when Red did those spells. "Baby, it's ok, she's ok." She keeps cryin and I know she just needs to get all this out of her system. Addy starts cryin. I was wonderin when she was gonna start. She's at that age now when a baby sees someone cryin they'll start cryin too. I pick B up and carry her bridal style into the living room and set her down on the couch. "Wait right here, ok? I'll be right back." I give her a kiss on the forehead and go back into the kitchen.

"Ok, baby girl, what's the problem?" I pick her up and she instantly calms down. She buries her face in my neck just like B did and her sobs go away. "There, see, everything's fine. Mommy's just not feelin too good right now." Understatement of the year, but whatever. I make her a bottle, which is kinda hard with her clingin onto me. I hand it to her and take her into the living room.

B's face is buried in one of the throw pillows and she's cryin her eyes out. I put Addy on the floor and sit down on the couch. B latches onto me and keeps cryin. I don't think I've ever seen her like this before. It takes her while but she finally calms down. She's a little embarrassed for cryin like that but I tell her it's ok. When Mattie wakes up I make him some food while B watches T.V. with Addy. And let the laziness begin.

BPOV

So Faith has this crazy idea to just stay inside all day and do nothing. No going outside, no getting dressed, no doing housework, just nothing. And I gotta say I love her crazy ideas sometimes. And even though she said we'd do nothing all day long for the next couple of days she's cooking, lots and lots of comfort food. The cookies that she's making right now are her fourth batch today. I think it's mostly just her trying to keep her hands busy. She's not used to just lying around the house and doing nothing since there's always something to be done, and she's getting a little stir crazy.

I feel a little ridiculous about earlier. The way I cried…it's embarrassing but I needed it. I feel a whole lot better now that I've got it out of my system. My girls are back, they're both ok. Except for Faith's hand. She won't tell me what happened. She a cut across her palm and it's taking longer to heal then it normally would so I think it was cut twice in the same spot, but again she won't tell me why. And Addison has these little mark on two of her fingertips, like she was poked with something, but Faith won't tell me why either. She says that they're fine and I shouldn't worry. But I am a little worried. I can't help it.

The timer on the oven beeps and Faith pulls out the batch of cookies and sets the sheet down on top the stove. She's already half way done mixing another batch. I walk into the kitchen and wrap my arms around her. We're alone right now. Matthew didn't really like the 'no going outside' rule and he's at a friend's house. There are a couple boys in the neighborhood that are his age and they're his new best friends. They're out riding their bikes right now. Anyway, I wrap my arms around her from behind and press my body against hers. I give the side of her neck a little kiss.

"Faithy, come lay down with me. Please," I say in baby talk. It's rare that she can resist the baby talk. I'm a little too tired for sex right now, but I won't her to relax so we'll just kiss, maybe some light groping. I unwrap myself from her and take her by the hand. She shuts off the stove and we walk into our bedroom together. I crawl under the covers and she silently follows me. She lies down on her back and I snuggle up to her. I just need to feel her right now. I thought I lost her forever, it was the scariest thing ever, worst then the battle with the First, worst then when Angel was Angelus, worst then when Glory was attacking us. And I thought I had lost my little baby, which made everything so much worst.

"You ok, B?" she asks and gently rubs my back. I give her a little smile and gently kiss her lips. And one kiss turns into another and another and before we know it we're in a full-blown make-out session. Mmm, I love kissing Faith. It's one of my favorite things to do. Her lips are so soft, and her tongue is gentle but commanding at the same time. She pulls back a little and starts sucking on my bottom lip. She likes to do that. She's such a tease sometimes. I feel her hand move from my breast as it starts to sneak its way down to my stomach and I know she plans on going lower. I grab onto her wrist and pull back from the kiss. She looks a little confused.

"I'm sorry, baby, but I'm still too wiped. Can we just kiss for now?" She smiles and kisses me softly on the lips. But just like before one kiss leads to another and we start making-out again. Ok, so I said no below the waist stuff, so it's perfectly ok that she's taking off my top. And it's definitely ok that she's sucking on my breasts. I feel a moan in the back of my throat as she slowly takes one of my rock hard nipples into her mouth and gently sucks and then teases my areola with the tip of her tongue. Like I said before she can be a tease. We freeze when we hear the front door open and close.

"Mom, I'm back!" Faith jumps off me and I put my shirt back on. We lay down and she spoons me from behind and we close our eyes. Maybe if we play possum and act like we're sleeping he won't ask about the huge hickey I left on Faith's neck. I know we promised each other no more hickeys there, but when you get caught up in the moment it's kind of hard to remember the rules. "Cool cookies," he says and if it weren't for my slayer hearing I wouldn't have heard it. "I'm taking some water out to the guys!" 'The guys', it sounds so weird hearing him say that. "I'll be back later!" We've set up certain rules for him when it comes to playing outside with his friends. He can't leave this street, he has to tell us before he leaves, and he has to be inside when the streetlamps come on. He's really good about following them.

"That was weird, he didn't even come check on us," Faith says and she sounds a little hurt. Our baby is growing up, getting more independent. Soon he won't need us at all. He'll be away at college, partying with his friends and hitting on girls. I roll over in her arms and give her a little kiss on the lips. She relaxes a little but she's still a little down. I cup her cheek with my hand and gently caress her soft skin with my thumb.

"He's growing up Faith. Besides if we wanted him to see us we would've gone out there. And I think staying in here was for the better, or did you want to explain this?" I ask and kiss the hickey on her throat. Yeah, it isn't just on the side of her neck like most hickeys are. This is in the middle of her throat, right out front where she won't be able to use her hair to hide it. It'll go away in a couple of hours. "Besides, he still needs us. He's not going to be all grown up for a long time." I give her another little kiss on her lips and she kisses me back this time. "And with him out playing with his friends it gives us more free time to do this." I kiss her again only this time I get my tongue involved. I pull back after a minute or two to catch my breath and she smiles and nods her head.

"You're right." Of course I am, I'm always right. "He's only eight…high school is still six years away." High school? What is she talking about? He'll still need us when he's in high school. I open my mouth to talk but she takes this as an opportunity to kiss me and she snakes her tongue into my mouth. I moan a little and slowly swirl my tongue around hers before gently sucking on the tip. Wait…she distracted me on purpose. I pull back and put my hand on her neck and rub the skin with my thumb.

"What do you mean high school? He'll still need us then. I was thinking more along the lines of college. I mean, he has to move out to go to that." She smiles a little a shakes her head from side to side and I know what she's thinking: 'poor naïve Buffy, too blonde for her own good'. At least I think that's what she's thinking.

"B, he's going to be too busy hanging out with his friends and trying to get a date to be worried about us. Look how you were when you were a teenager." I was fine when I was a teenager. Just because I was the slayer and had to sneak out at night to kill things and save the world doesn't mean I didn't need my mommy. I'm a grown woman and sometimes I still want my mommy. "Sure you still needed her there, but you didn't tell her everything. You kept secrets, you were independent and stubborn. And he's a guy, he's not gonna open up to us 'cause we're his moms. He's gonna turn to his friends for everything." I guess she's right. But I still don't like it.

"He could be different. He could open up to us about some stuff. Just because he's a guy it doesn't mean he has to keep everything bottled up inside. Right?" She smiles and gives me a little kiss on the lips and then on the tip of my nose. She's trying to make me smile but I'm still serious. I want her to answer my question. She sighs and shifts around a little bit so she's a little more comfortable.

"It's possible, I'm not a Seer or whatever Cordy is. I can't predict the future. All I'm sayin is when he hits those teen years he's gonna change. We might as well get used to the idea now and love the fact that he still wants to spend time with us." That's true. Why is she almost always right about these kind of things? I'm the 'girl' of this relationship so I'm supposed to be right all the time. "Enough talk, more kissing." And the cave-slayer emerges. Not really, but you get what I mean. I close my eyes as she kisses me again and it isn't long before she has me on my back and she's gently rubbing the insides of my thighs as she sucks and nibbles my breasts. And just when she's about to reach the spot I need her most…Addison starts to cry. We both groan out in frustration.

"I'll get her," Faith says and leaves one last kiss on my breasts before she gets up and leaves the room. She's still completely dressed; I'm in nothing but my underwear. How the hell did that happen? I guess I better get up. I am getting kind of hungry and I need to make some lunch because Matthew and his friend usually eat over here. I don't know if it's because I'm the only one who will make them lunch or if they just like my cooking……...Yeah, I think the other mothers kick 'em out of their houses and send them here.

But that's ok with me. His friends are polite and quiet and they always leave right after they eat so I don't have a bunch of rowdy boys in my house. That's probably going to change as soon as get the pool built in our backyard. But that's fine, dealing with four boys will be like dealing with Faith when she's hyped up on mochas and I've had years experience with that.

FPOV

I leave my bedroom smilin. After almost ten years together and me and B are still has frisky as teenagers. One of these days our libidos are gonna calm down, until then I'm gonna milk this for all it's worth. Then again, maybe it won't. There are slayers our age, well a year or two younger then us, but still around the same age as us. And they're not aging either. Maybe stayin this young lookin is a slayer thing. I walk into Addy's bedroom and she's standin up and holdin onto the side of her crib and cryin a little.

"Addy, what's the matter, baby?" She's not usually like this after a nap. She'll pretend to cry until we come in the room and let her out but there're never tears. Maybe she had a bad dream? I pick her up and hold her really close to me. She puts her head on my shoulder and her sobs stop but the tears are still comin. She'll hiccup every once in a while but that's it. I gently rub her back and sit down in the rocking chair. B always does this to calm her down so I might as well give it a shot. I usually sing to her but my voice is still a little fucked up from all that screamin yesterday.

"Book, Mama, book," she says and sits up and points to her bookshelf. I know what she wants. She has a collection of little kids books, at least a hundred of 'em but she always wants me to read the same one. I don't mind at all 'cause Mattie was the same way. "Book," she says and looks at me with this big pout. And her eyelashes are still wet from the tears and she looks even more adorable. How can I say no to that look? No one can, that's for damn sure. She could probably melt the coldest heart. Maybe we could use her as a secret weapon against terrorists. Have her cry in front of a T.V. camera or somethin. I'm sure world peace would come pretty quick after that.

"Want me to read to you?" I ask and she nods her head yes and puts her thumb in her mouth and starts suckin. I don't know how we're gonna get her to stop doin that. She'll only use a binkie at night and if she keeps suckin on her thumb when she gets her adult teeth they could get all messed up. The binkie we can take away, same with the bottle. She'll get upset and cry a lot and throw some fits but she'll get over it. How the hell do you get a kid to stop suckin their thumb? I get up and take the book off the bookshelf. We have two copies; one stays in the diaper bag in case she gets fussy when we go somewhere, and one that stays on her shelf. I sit down in the chair and she turns around in my lap so her back is leanin against me so she can look at the pictures. I open it to the first page and clear my throat.

"'I am Sam. Sam I am'," I say and make my voice a little higher pitched. I have different voices for the characters. I guess that's part of why the kids love it when I read to them, I'm just so damn creative. At least that's what Buffy said. "'That Sam-I-am. That Sam-I-am. I do not like that Sam-I-am'." My voice is deeper for this one. I try to make it as grouchy as possible. "Where's Sam?" I ask and she points to the little guy on the page. "That's right, good job." I give her a little kiss on top her head and keep reading her. Her breathing is starting to even out now and isn't all erratic like it was before. What the hell was she dreamin about? Did she have a nightmare about what happened in Sunnydale? I hope not. I just want her to forget the whole thing so we can get our lives back to normal. Well, as normal as they can be.

"'Would you, could you, on a boat?'" I'm almost at the end now. I can feel Buffy standin at the door watching us, but she hasn't said anything and I haven't let on that I know she's there. She used to do this when Mattie was a baby and he was cuttin his teeth. I'd stay up late with him, readin to him, and talkin to him and she'd watch but wouldn't say anything and I never let her know I knew she was there because that was my time with my son and we both new not to ruin it. I make my voice go deep again.

"'I could not, would not, on a boat. I will not, will not, with a goat. I will not eat them in the rain. I will not eat them on a train. Not in the dark! Not in a tree! Not in a car! You let me be! I do not like them in a box. I do not like them with a fox. I will not eat them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them ANYWHERE! I do not like green eggs and ham! I do not like them, Sam-I-am.'" Addy laughs a little and shifts around a little so her head is almost all the way between my boobs. If I were wearin a bra this would hurt like hell. I hear B try not to laugh and that makes me smile. She tries so hard to be silent 'cause she knows I want this time alone with our girl. I finish the book and slowly close it. Addy gets down off my lap and crawls outta the room. I look up and see Buffy standin there, smilin at me.

"I was going to make some lunch since Matthew and his friends will be here soon. Any requests?" she asks and leans against the doorway. She looks so tired, how is she standin? I stand up and put the book down in the chair and walk over to her. I wrap my arms around her waist and let my hands rest on her hand. I lean in and give her a little kiss on the lips that she deepens. I open my mouth a little and she slides her tongue inside. I swirl it around with mine and gently suck on the tip. She moans and pulls back and smiles really wide. "As much as I'd like you to have me for lunch I'm pretty sure you don't wanna share." I roll my eyes and give her a little kiss on the neck and she giggles.

"Whatever you feel like fixin. Somethin simple though. This is supposed to be a lazy day, remember? We should just order some pizzas." I know better though. She's not about to let five little kids eat a greasy pizza in our clean house. She gives me this 'think of something else' sort of look. "Alright, no pizza. How about you heat up some of those chicken strips? We still have those right?" She usually stockpiles on the frozen chicken strips 'cause the kids love 'em. And not just ours. Mattie's friends eat here all the time. I'm thinkin about kickin 'em out one day 'cause I'm sure one of the other moms knows how to make a damn sandwich. But B likes havin 'em over for whatever reasons.

"Alright, that sounds fine. We'll order something tonight, ok? I was thinking something along the lines of Lee's Chinese Palace." Fuck yeah. Lee's is the best Chinese food I've ever fuckin had, ever. It was like the third week we moved here or somethin and I went around to every Chinese place in this city (there's only five) and Lee's is the best. And they deliver and it's usually here in fifteen minutes. "I'll take your smile as a yes." I give her a little kiss on the lips and then gently suck on her earlobe. She loves it when I do this.

"I was thinkin," I whisper and blow some hot air onto the wet spot on her ear. She shivers and wraps her arms around me a little tighter. "If you feel up to it." I kiss the shell of her ear and she moans. "I could have you for dessert." I suck on her earlobe again, a little harder then before and she starts grindin against me. I let go of her ear and she kisses me. It's a little rough and rushed and I know I got her all worked up. I pull back from the kiss and she leans forward, tryin to follow me but I reach up and put my finger on her lips. She opens her eyes and smiles this little smile.

"Tease," she whispers and lets go of me. "You'll pay for that tonight." I get a little shiver. Oh how I can't wait. And no I'm not bein sarcastic. I give her a little smack on the ass as she walks away and she giggles and speeds up. I guess she's expectin me to chase her or somethin. But I'm not.

I walk over to the rocking chair and pick up the book. I sit down with a heavy sigh and take a look around. We painted the room a very light pink, it's almost white 'cause B didn't want to make it too girly. The crib, Mattie's old crib, is painted a light pink, so is the changing table. All of the carpets in the house are the same, just plain ol' brown. They were brand new when we moved in and we didn't wanna spend the money to get a different color. This little girl has no idea how good she has it. And if I get my way she'll never find out the alternative to this.

BPOV

"Ok guys," I say and the girl at the table gives me this little glare. "And girl," I add and she goes back to normal. I don't know why Lindsay hangs out with the boys. She's not a tomboy or anything. She wears dresses and skirts and pretty blouses that I really wish were adult size so I could go buy some. But she hangs out with the boys. There are other little girls on this block and they do the normal girly stuff; tea parties, dress up things like that. But she doesn't want to do that stuff. She's weird. "When you're done put you plates in the sink, and be careful or you'll break them." I give a little glance to Lucas. Last time they were here, he accidentally dropped a bowl into the sink and it shattered into ten pieces.

"Ok," they all say in unison. It's really creepy when they do that. I ruffle Matthew's hair as I walk by and he gives me a little glare. I pick up Addison's plate off the counter and put it in front of her. She's in her high chair and getting very impatient. She hates waiting, takes after Faith. I swear if those two were anymore a like Addy would be a Faith clone. Now there's a scary thought. I pick up my plate and walk into the living room. The kids will be fine. I don't need to worry too much about Addison because Matthew gets very protective when he's around her and other people so he'll watch her like a hawk. I stop about a foot in front of the couch and glare at Faith.

"What?" she asks like she doesn't have a clue in the world as to why I would be mad. I glance down at Tucker and then glare at Faith again. "You gonna tell me what's wrong or just stand their glarin all day?" I glare a little more. Here's why I'm mad: Tucker's lying in my spot. The couch is big enough for five people so it isn't a big deal that he's lyin on it and Faith always picks up the dog hair so I don't have to worry about that. But everyone knows that I always sit on the crack of the two middle cushions. That's my spot. And he's lying across it, taking up almost three cushions so the only place for me to sit is at the very end.

"You know I don't like the dog on the furniture." Not true. I've never really cared if he's on the couches or not because Faith makes sure to clean up after him. The only thing I don't want him on is our bed. She gives me this look and I know she's a little irritated. She puts her plate down in her lap and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Since when, B? He's always been allowed on the couches before. What's the big deal now?" He's in my spot, that's the big deal. I probably sound insane but I'm just possessive of my stuff. It's a slayer thing. Faith is the same way. So, she's not as bad as me but she can be. She looks at him and then scans the couch with her eyes and then she looks up at me with this shit-eating grin on her face. And here we go. "Sorry, B. Forgot you like this spot." And she pushes him off the couch with her foot. What? No teasing? No calling me princess in a demeaning tone and teasing me because I was acting a little spoiled? "You gonna sit down or just stare at me all day?" she asks in her teasing tone. I sit down next to her and give her a little kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you," I say and she gets my meaning. I'm not just thanking her for making the dog get down, but for not teasing me like she normally would. Don't get me wrong, I can handle her teasing and I usually have a comeback for it but I don't think I'd be able to handle it today. Too much happened yesterday and I'm still trying to process and get over it. The last thing I need is her teasing me because I wanted to sit in my spot. She flips through the channels for a little while until she settles on a movie. I have no idea what it is, I don't recognize any of these actors but whatever.

"B, you've gotta try this," she says and I look over at her plate. She rips off a little piece of chicken and first dips it into the little pile of ketchup and then dips it into the little pile of…bar-be-que sauce? That's so gross. "Don't scrunch your nose up yet. Just try it. It's really good, B, you're missin out." She holds the food about an inch away from my mouth and I slowly lean forward and take a little bite. EW! This is fucking gross! I put my plate down and jump off the couch and run as fast as I can into the kitchen and spit it out in the sink. I cough a few times but I already know I'm not going to throw up. It wasn't that gross. I rinse my mouth out and let the water force the nasty food down the garbage disposal. I go back into the living room and Faith's face is turning red she's laughing so hard.

"I can't believe……you fell…..for that!" she says in between laughs. I glare at her. I need to think of some way to get her back. I look down at my plate that's still sitting on the couch and smile. I rip off a little piece of chicken and dip it in the ketchup and throw it at her, aiming for her hair. Faith is so damn fussy about her hair, you wouldn't believe it. She stops laughing when she feels it land and she reaches up and pulls it off her head and looks down at it. "What the hell, B?" she asks and sounds a little irritated. See what I mean? I just give her this cocky look and put my hands on my hips.

"Don't give it if you can't take it, F." I raise an eyebrow at her and she gets this little smirk on her face. Before I can move she scoops up the pile of ketchup off her plate and throws it at me. I try to duck but that makes the problem worst because it gets me on my forehead and in my hair.

"You're so goin down, Blondie." And before I can react I'm being pelted with pieces of Tyson chicken strips. I grab my plate and hide behind the end of the couch. I rip off a bunch of pieces and start chucking them at her. She copies me by diving for the other end of the couch for cover. I duck down and start ripping the strips into small pieces. I want to be ready. I peek out over the arm of the couch and I don't see her so she's probably still hiding.

"AAHHHHHHH!" I scream when I feel cold slime being spread against the back of my neck. Ok, so it isn't slime, it's the bar-be-que sauce that was on her plate. I turn around and push her back. She has this big shit-eating grin on her face. Before she can react I start throwing my arsenal at her two pieces at a time. They got flying all directions as she tries to control her laughing and get away at the same time. I chase after her as she runs toward the kitchen. Oh no, she's not getting away that easy. She grabs Addison out of her high chair and uses her as a human shield. She smiles and backs up a little and makes sure not to turn her back to me. I dive for the sink and turn on the water and pull off the detachable faucet and spray her right in the face. She wasn't expecting that because I moved too fast. We're both laughing really hard as she runs over to the fridge and uses the door as a shield. Surprisingly Addison isn't crying. She thinks it's hilarious.

"Give it up, Blondie. I got a whole supply right here." I aim the faucet so the water will spray over the door and land on top of her but I can't see her so it's kind of hard and barely any of the water is making it over the top. Why did I have to buy the extra large fridge? I reach up into the cupboard and grab the large plastic punch bowl and fill it up with water and Faith keeps up with her threats. When she hears that it's gone quiet she calls out, "You given up yet B?" I slowly sneak forward and stand near the edge of the door. I can feel the coldness leaking out and kissing the air, making the area around it cooler then the rest of the room.

Faster then the blink of an eye I jump in front of her and throw the water on her. Two gallons of water to be exact because this bowl is for parties so we got a big one. But most of the water doesn't hit her like I intended. I wanted her soaking wet because her skintight clothes would have been almost impossible to get off without ripping. She doesn't get hit in the chest like I thought she was going to. See, I forgot she was holding Addison so Faith only got a little bit of the water on her shoulders, Addison got almost two whole gallons of cold water right to the face.

I stand stock-still, my muscles are tense and I hold my breath and wait as the water splashes on her and then falls to the floor. She looks shocked, and pissed off at the same time, it's actually kind of cute. She opens her eyes and tries to sniffle as water leaks out of her nose. She opens her mouth and lets out a scream and she starts bawling her little eyes out. She's crying and screaming really loud and Faith just kinda smiles and turns her around and Addison buries her face in Faith's neck. I feel guilty, I never meant to scare my baby, but come on! It's just water. She'll get over it.

"It's ok baby girl," Faith says and bounces up and down a little bit. "Mommy didn't mean to do that." She bounces her a little more and gives her a kiss on the side of her head and walks out of the room. She's probably taking her into the bathroom to get cleaned up. I close the fridge door and toss the bowl into the sink. I look at the mess we made and cringe. Who's going to clean all this up? I glance into the living room and Tucker's already eating the chicken that was thrown. Ok, so he'll clean up in there and I'll clean up this water. I walk over to the drawer were we keep the dishrags and I notice that the table of five little seven year olds is completely silent, until one of 'em breaks it.

"Matt, you're moms are weird." Hey! We are so not weird. I glace at them as I get down on my hands and knees and start cleaning up the water. They're all looking at me like I'm some circus sideshow freak or something.

"I know," Matthew says and takes another bite of his chicken. "You think this is bad, try living with 'em." Oh he is so going to bed without dessert tonight.


	25. High School Crush

**Two Years Later.** BPOV

This year has been so crazy. Ok, so not crazy as in hectic. It's been pretty calm compared to my past. The slaying is tough, but that's a good thing. So getting to the crazy things, Addison will be three in a little less then three months. Oh yeah, my little girl is now walking and talking. And Matthew's nine and will be in the fourth grade at the end of this month. The school year doesn't start until the twenty-eighth or something like that. I turned thirty-three in January, and Faith turned thirty-one and she has officially kissed her youth goodbye. I like to tease her a little but it doesn't make her mad or anything and most of the time she won't even give a reaction so I usually stop. 'Cause what's the point of teasing someone if they're going to just ignore you?

In May we had our wedding, finally. Everything was just perfect. She was so beautiful in her special tailored tux with her hair all done up really nice and her make-up was great. I had the dress of my dreams and my hair was back in a twisty bun, it's hard to explain, and as soon as she saw me at the end of the isle she teared up and we almost couldn't say our vows because we were both blubbering like little babies. And our bands are so beautiful. The color of the gold perfectly matches our engagement rings. It took us a couple minutes to get the bands on though because our hands were shaking so hard.

And we changed some of the things around a little bit. The ring bearer was Kyle's nephew who we didn't know very well but that was ok because she made Matthew her best man. It was so dashing in his little tux and he danced with Kyle's niece and it was so cute. Addison was a flower along with Miranda and they looked really pretty in their little dresses. Everything went off without a hitch. Kennedy and Cordelia were invited but that was only because Kennedy is still close with Faith and all that stuff. Willow was one of my bride's maids and thank God there wasn't any drama. They were able to get through the whole thing without a big fight or anything. They even danced a slow dance together and I guess Kennedy made her peace with Willow and Willow forgave her for what she did.

Our honeymoon was two glorious weeks in Hawaii. We only left the hotel room twice, other then that we stayed in on the huge king sized bed or in the huge Jacuzzi tub making love and just relaxing. It was great. And since we had the honeymoon suite we were treated like queens by the staff. We got a couple odd looks from some of the other guests. That's one of the little reasons why I wanted to stay in the hotel room was because I didn't want them to ruin our honeymoon. The main reason was because I wanted to spend every second with Faith.

And you want to know the coolest thing? I'm pregnant, and it's Faith's. I say 'it' because I'm only three months along and we can't tell the sex of the baby yet. We went to Ohio just to check in and say hi to Giles and the other slayers, and I wanted to see how Willow was doing. Apparently Giles was a little concerned about her because she was spending a lot of time out in the woods by herself. So one day Faith and I followed her and I guess because we were in the woods our slayer stealth kicked in and when I said 'hey Will, whatcha doin?' it scared her because she jumped and whatever spell she was working on exploded and Faith and I got hit with this big magical blast. And for a day and a half Faith had the 'equipment' that is usually required for baby making.

At first I wanted to laugh, 'cause it was pretty funny. But she was all self-conscious about it and didn't want me near her 'cause she thought she was a freak. So I showed her that I still thought she was sexy and beautiful. We didn't even think about using protection or anything, it just completely slipped out minds. And now I'm pregnant. We had Willow do a reversal spell on her so Faith's back to normal. And the baby's fine, the doctor gave him or her a clean bill of health last week so I'm very happy. And so is Faith. She was a little freaked at first. I mean, two kids we can handle, but three? It'll be a challenge because Addison will be three and it'll probably be really hard for her to adjust.

When we told Matthew the news he just rolled his eyes and said 'well, I hope it's a little brother, 'cause one sister is one too many'. It was really cute, mostly because he was only joking. He loves his little sister and they play a lot together and get along most of the time. Well, she follows him around everywhere he goes and wants to do everything that he's doing and he just sort of tolerates it but there have been times when he'll comfort her. Like when she falls down. I swear, this kid is such a little pansy. She'll fall and won't even scrape her knee or anything but she'll cry for the attention. And Matthew will do everything in his power to make her stop crying.

And one thing that I noticed about being pregnant for a second time is I'm already starting to show. When I was pregnant with Matthew I didn't start showing until I was five or six months along. I'm only three months pregnant and I already have a bulge. But it's cute, at least I think it is. Addison loves it. I'll be lying on the couch, watching T.V. or whatever and she'll run up to me and pull my shirt up and start talking to my stomach. And she calls it 'her baby'. I'll be talking her to about what it's going to be like to have another baby in the house and she'll ask something like 'my baby's gonna cry a lot?' It's so cute. And I think she'll accept the baby a little easier if she thinks it's hers. I mean, at least then she'll want to help take care of it and stuff. Kim said that's what she did with her daughter when she had her son and it worked out ok.

"Addison give it back!" What the hell is he yelling about now? These two get along ok, but they fight like hell spawn. And I know what hell spawn fights like. We're going school shopping for Matthew in the mall. I wanted to get it done and over with. I probably should have waited until the weekend so Faith could help me out. She's back in school now, which is great. We have it all planned out so she's going to get her GED and then we're going to get married and go on our honeymoon and then I'm going to get a business degree which will take two or three years and in that time she'll get a job to help pay the bills and stuff so Giles doesn't have to pitch in as much and once I graduate and open up my own business she's going to get a degree in something, but she hasn't decided in what yet.

"No, Brother, I haded it first!" Fuck, she sure can yell really loud. Good thing we're in the parking lot or we'd be getting some strange glances right now. You wanna know what they're fighting over? They're fighting over who gets to push the cart. I told them they had to share but they'll usually listen to what I say for about three minutes and then do their own thing. It gets really irritating.

"No you didn't, I did. Give it back!" I should really step in because they're starting to get loud. Yeah, I should really do that because we're getting closer to the store and we'll be around other people soon. Dammit, Addison just hit him. She needs to learn to keep her hands to herself.

"Addison Kristine, you don't hit your brother. Apologize to him right now young lady." Wow...that was weird. I know, I've been a mom for nine years now but there are little moments like just now when it really sinks in deep that I'm a mom, it's hard to explain. She doesn't say anything but she lets go of the cart. "Addison, say you're sorry." Again with the silence. I sigh and roll my eyes. "Alright, I guess only me and Matthew will be getting ice cream after lunch, because only good kids who listen to their mommies get ice cream." She stops walking and turns around and looks up at me with this look that's all Faith. This look that says 'are you fucking serious?' Oh yes little girl, I am. "Say you're sorry or you won't get any ice cream."

"I'm sorry Brother." There, at least she listened. "But I haded the cart first." She always has to put in her two cents, just like her mother. Addison looks more like me then she does Faith, but if she took after Faith anymore then she does now she'd be a clone.

"No you didn't, I did." And he always argues back. The arguments go on for so long because both of them just have to have the last word. Ok, there's only one damn way to resolve this.

"That's it, if you two can't stop fighting over the cart then I'll push it." They both start to whine and I shake my head no. "Nope. You two can't get along, then I'll just take it away. Move Matthew." He moves out of the way and I start pushing it. At least they're being quiet now. Matthew holds the door open for me and I tell him thank you as I walk into the store. He always does nice stuff like that, even when I don't ask him to. And he's been doing it a lot more since I told him I'm pregnant. I guess he knows I'm delicate right now, at least that's what Faith told him. I'm not a china doll, I can open my own doors, but it's nice that he's being so polite.

I think we'll go clothes shopping first. He hates shopping for clothes so the sooner we get it done the sooner the headache I'm going to get will go away. Aw, now they're being nice to each other. He's trying to explain to her why stealing is bad. I guess she wanted to take a piece of candy or something without paying for it. But the thing with her is you can explain something ten different ways and she'll still ask why because that's just what little kids do. It gets so irritating but I'm pretty used to it.

Faith doesn't know how I can stand all of the constant questions because she can only take so much before she starts to get irritated. She was like that with Matthew too. She can hide her irritation very well in front of them and she never gets snippy or anything like that but she will try to change the subject very quickly before she says something she'll regret. I don't know how I deal with it, I just do. Don't get me wrong the constant questions and the whining and fighting does get to me after a while, I just have a higher tolerance for it then she does.

Matthew sighs, and mumbles under his breath and gets a very annoyed look on his face. He hates clothes shopping so much. Certainly doesn't take after me in this area. Faith gets like this too, unless she's shopping for her. She doesn't mind when she's the one trying on clothes and wandering around looking for more. She just hates waiting around when I want to do the shopping. I usually have her wait outside the stall I'm in so she can tell me what she thinks and that's what she hates. She gets bored. That's why whenever we go shopping together I always give her a little 'treat' when we get home and it makes up for it all.

Anyway, Matthew's irritated for other reasons too. He doesn't really like school anymore. Because he has a summer birthday the entire school year he stays the same age so he's younger then most of the kids in his class and some of the other boys pick on him a little. He hates the fact that he's younger then the others because he just wants to fit in. And it's not like there's something I can do about it. I can't change his birthday and I can't stay with him at school and protect him from the kids that are teasing him, so I feel pretty helpless. He'll just have to learn to accept the fact that he's always going to be younger then his classmates, and unless he gets held back he'll be seventeen when he graduates high school.

"Matthew, please stop acting like that. Don't you want to go back to school?" He shakes his head no. But I was expecting that. He puts an armload of shirts in the cart and starts looking through the jeans. "Don't you want to see your friends?" He has made friends, he's not an outcast or anything. It's a certain group of kids, four or five of them, that tease him. They're kinda like the younger, male version of the Cordettes or something. And the leader of the group is this boy named David Graham. And he's the male version of Cordelia when she was in high school.

"Mom, I see my friends everyday. I don't have to go to school to see them." His friends are three boys and a girl that live on our block. They play together everyday so he's gone a lot. They come over to the house sometimes but they mostly ride their bikes and play baseball and stuff like that. As long as he's home by five and he doesn't go passed the boundaries we set up for him it's fine with me. I know where the dangerous demons hang out during the day and we told him that if he ever goes anywhere near those places he won't go outside ever again, and he knows we're serious. Great, now they're fighting again. I can feel that headache coming on.

"Mom, can we go to the diner for lunch?" he stopped arguing with her and he's trying to pick out a pair of jeans. There's a really nice little diner about five miles outside the city limits. It's only fifteen minutes from our house, so maybe thirty minutes away from here. I'd rather go somewhere a little closer for lunch because my head is going to be throbbing by the time we get done shopping.

"No, sweetie. Not today." Aw, he seems so sad now. And he's pouting and his bottom lip is quivering. God, not the tears. He's got the perfect pout down very well. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I really don't want to go today. Maybe this will be good enough. "How about we go on Saturday? That way Mama can go with us." He thinks about it for a few seconds before he says 'ok' and goes back to picking out some jeans. Well, at least he didn't argue with me. He does that a lot, especially with me. I don't know why he isn't like that with Faith. One of life's little mysteries I guess. God, my head is really starting to hurt now. If Addison's voice wasn't so...so...irritating when she whines then it wouldn't be so bad. I wonder what Faith's doing right now.

FPOV

Damn this school shit fucking sucks! I remember why I dropped out in the first place. It's not like a traditional seven in the morning 'til three in the afternoon schedule or anything. It starts at seven and ends at one, that's a whole two hours shorter. It feels like an eternity though. And this isn't even the normal thing. I signed up for three of the summer school courses so I can graduate earlier. I just want to get it done and over with. And what fucking sadist came up with summer school anyway? I'm stuck in a room with the kids that failed the class durin the school year so it's mostly stoners and punk rock wannabes. Three of the boys had the fuckin nerve to come onto me.

Ok, I'll admit that I didn't hate that part. I turned 'em down, acted like I was all offended and shit but what can I say? It made me feel a little sexy. I'm thirty-two years old and seventeen year old kids still wanna fuck me. The kid sitting to my right is in fuckin love with me or somethin. He's the one who's startin to become a little bit of a stalker. Can't blame him, I mean this is me we're talkin about. These poor boys don't stand a chance. I'm just jokin, I'm not that big headed. But for real, you put me in a room with these kids when their hormones are all over the place, especially when I'm wearing skin tight jeans and a tight black top...if I were one of 'em I'd be in love with me too.

What the fuck? What's that? Oh, it's a folded up piece of paper that someone tossed on my desk. Looks like lover-boy over there wrote me a note. I cover it up with my math book and wait for the teacher to turn around again. Fuck, what is this guy babbling on about? I'm never gonna understand this shit. I didn't back then and I'm not now. I wish someone could just explain to me what the fuck that guy is talkin about. And these teachers act like they're so fuckin great, like their shit doesn't stink.

And this is bullshit, this coming to class thing. At the school is Redding that I would've gone to if we still lived in California, the people gettin their GED do a home school program. Show up at the office once a week to drop off their work and pick up the new stuff and at the end of the month they have a big test in every subject they're takin. But here, since they don't have that kinda program, I have to show up every weekday and be treated like a teenager. And these teacher's are such pricks. Why am I even doing this? Oh, right, we wanna be 'financially independent'. It does have its benefits though. It's opened up a whole new door when it comes to role-playin with B. She plays the perverted, horny teacher and I'm the desperate schoolgirl who really needs an A on my report card.

The teacher finally turns around again. I lift up my book and unfold the note and quietly flatten it out on my desk so it looks like it's part of my notebook. Don't wanna get caught readin a note, how embarrassing would that be? A whole fuckin lot, that's how much. I remember havin to stand up in front of the whole class in eighth grade and read out loud Bobby Clark's confession of love for me. I was so embarrassed I thought I was gonna piss myself. Any-fuckin-way, this one says:

'Faith, how ya doin today? You looked pissed, what's up? -from Will.' I wait until Mr. York says somethin that sounds important and I start writing my replay, actin like I'm takin notes from this boring ass lecture. When am I ever going to use Algebra in the 'real world' anyway? And he really needs to stop saying that the A and B variables are as different as apples and oranges, 'cause it's makin me hungry. Anyway, I replay:

'Will, don't wanna fuckin be here, had a shitty morning, had a fight with B. Do you have any idea what this douche nozzle is talkin about?' I don't bother signing it. I silently fold it up and wait for the teacher to turn around and when it does I toss it over to Will's desk and it lands perfectly in the middle.

I actually pay attention to the teacher while I wait for a response. God this is pathetic. I'm thirty-two years old and I'm actually lookin forward to talkin with a seventeen-year-old boy whose only goal at this point is to get into my pants. Well, I guess there's no age limit on that one. Finally he tosses it back. He either wrote a lot or he writes really fuckin slow. I unfold it and pretend to write on the paper so it looks like I'm takin notes.

'I don't gotta fuckin clue what this ass is rambling about. That's why I'm here instead of at home sleepin. And callin him a douche nozzle is a compliment, no other way this guy would ever get some pussy.' I can't help but chuckle 'cause of that but I cover it up with a cough so I don't draw any suspicion. I look around to make sure no one's watchin me, and I keep reading. 'B, that's your girlfriend right? It sucks that you fought. Wanna talk about it? Maybe I can help.' I can't help but smile at that. I know what he's doing. He's tryin to play the role of the concerned guy, tryin to be the one whose shoulder I cry on in hopes that I'll be so emotionally crippled that I'll let him fuck me. So I write back:

'Thanks, but no. It was just a little thing, don't worry about it. Did Mike say what happened in History? I thought I heard him say somethin about a project.' I'm takin three classes; Algebra, American History, and English. History is easy, I can just sleep through that and do the reading at home. It's the other two that are kickin my ass. I fold the paper back up and toss it to him again. When do we get to go to lunch? Fuck, another half hour. This is so fuckin stupid! No one in this room understands a Goddamn thing this guy is saying. When he turns his back to us Will tosses the note on my desk and I unfold it.

'Yeah, he said something about making a chart or time line or some shit like that. And we have to have partners for it and he got a look at the list the teacher made and it says that you and me are going to be working together. And it has to be done at home.' Just fuckin great. I really don't wanna work on some stupid history project, and now I have to go over to some kid's house? 'Is your place ok? We can't go to mine.' Great, I have to have some kid come over to my house. Oh, B is so gonna give me shit about this. So I write back:

'We can work at my house. It's only a ten minute walk from here, what are you doin after school?' I fold it up and toss it to him. I watch him through the corner of my eye as he unfolds the paper and reads it. He reads it a few times and then just stares at the paper. I think he just got a hard on, either that or he creamed his jeans. Damn, didn't know he loved me that much. Then he writes something down and tosses it back.

'I'm not doing anything if you want to work on it today. Mike said it won't be too hard. He said the longest part is looking up the names and the dates. Then we have to buy a big poster board and write it all down.' Great, I have to go shopping for this shit. Just fuckin great. So I reply:

'Well, since you're not doing anything lets just walk to my house and get it over with. I can give you a ride home if you need it.' I toss it back but the bell rings before he can write his response. That's not gonna stop him from talking to me though. We eat lunch together with four other guys. They're pretty cool, for teenagers anyway. They're the outcasts of the school so we got a little in common. We start to walk to the cafeteria. We get our lunches there then go outside and sit at a picnic table. It's our table and everyone else knows it.

"So we'll just walk to your house?" he asks as we walk down the hall. This place isn't so bad. Doesn't look like the school I went to in Boston, but it's alright. I'm just glad there aren't too many preps that failed their classes 'cause I don't think I'd be able to stand 'em. Even if they are just some dumb teen girls, they'd drive me crazy. I couldn't stand 'em back then and I can't stand 'em now.

"Might as well. I want to get it over with as soon as possible. I got shit to do, and I don't wanna waste my time on some retarded history project." He nods his head and we get in line and grab our own trays. Lets see what's on the menu today. Green goo, red goo, and...oh...yellow goo. Doesn't that just look nutritious? I grab a carton of milk and just leave my tray there. I'm not hungry anyway. I'll just fix a sandwich or somethin when I get home, and I can't wait to get there. I miss hanging out with my kids and with B. First thing I'm gonna do when I walk in the door is scoop her up in my arms and give her a kiss hot enough to have her squirmin.

"Milking it again, Faith? Why don't you just bring your own shit for lunch?" Mike asks as I sit down. Milk is all I have for lunch, everyday for the last couple of weeks. Well, here at least. B usually has somethin waiting for me when I get home, and it isn't always food, if you catch my drift. I try not to smile as I think of somethin to say. Once these boys found out about me and B I've been teasin 'em a little. And it's so much fun, probably 'cause it's so damn easy.

"'Cause I don't wanna get full. Eatin my girl's pussy always fills me right up." And let's count...ok, that's one who just got hard...and another...hmmm, only two today. Oh well, I'll just have to try again tomorrow. Junior and Drew are the hard ones. I think Will is still all worked up from class. Bob (his real name is Steven but he wants to be called Bob) is either hiding it really well or it'll take more to rile him up. Mike is the one who stays calm. Mostly 'cause he doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm lying about B just to mess with 'em.

"And where's your proof?" See, told ya. "You keep talking about this hot blonde that you fuck but you've never shown us any proof." What does he want a pair of B's underwear or somethin? Oh, I know. It'll be perfect. I pull my wallet out of my bag (yes I bought a backpack) and open it up. I have a few pictures of the kids, a class picture of Buffy from her junior year of high school. And one that she gave me when we started sleeping together. She said it was a little thing to help get me off on the nights we didn't have sex, we weren't living together at the time.

"Here. It's from a couple years ago but she hasn't changed much." I take the picture out from behind the family photos and hand it to Mike. It's nothin too bad, just B lying on her bed in a very sexy pose in nothing more then a black silk thong. And it's not like she's ever gonna know I let him see it. So far he's the only person besides me and B to lay eyes on it. I think she forgot all about it. She hasn't said anything to me about it so whatever.

"Holy shit, that's your girlfriend?" he asks and stares at the picture. The others crowd around so they can get a look and they all have the same reaction. And they're all hard now. The rest of lunch is going to be so much fun. Yeah right. Five horny guys tryin to hide their erections, not exactly what I call a fantastic time, but it's a little entertaining to watch.

"Yep, she sure is and she's all mine so you guys can just put that image in your spank banks and move on." They're all disappointed when I take the picture back and put it in my wallet. But they've seen enough. If word about this gets back to B, I don't know how it would, but if it does then she'll probably never talk to me again. We'd stay together for the sake of the kids but it'll be an unhappy relationship. Ok, I need to stop, I'm starting to freak myself out.

"Oh, there will be some serious spanking," Mike says and looks me dead in the eyes and grins. "And by that I mean her bent over my bed and me spanking her while she takes my dick from behind." Ok, I may talk about sex with B but that's 'cause she's my girl. No one else is allowed to talk about sex with B, especially some loser high school kid who's probably still a virgin. But I can't hit him 'cause I'll get kicked out and graduating is something that I have to do. So instead I give him my own grin.

"I'm sure that would be a very unfulfilling seven minutes on her part. And when you're done fuckin her with your needle dick we'll go home together and I'll eat her to get the taste of your mom outta my mouth." All the guys start laughin and I raise an eyebrow at him and he just smiles and shakes his head a little. So I went for a 'ya mama' joke, it's not too much of a desperate move. He said shit about my girl, I said shit about his dick and his mom and now we're fine. Great, now I'm off to History class to sit through another boring lecture. Then I gotta go home with Will and work on that stupid project. I really hope B's in the mood for sex tonight 'cause I'm really gonna need a pick-me-up if I'm gonna wake up in a pleasant mood tomorrow.

BPOV

So shopping was a nightmare but it's done and over with. Addison is taking her nap, and Matthew's outside with his friends, jumping on the trampoline. We have one of those huge trampolines. I bought it for Matthew for Christmas, but I think Faith uses it more then anyone else. She said she always wanted one of those when she was a kid so she isn't going to let the opportunity slip by now that she finally has one. I would remind her of her age but it doesn't matter. She's a child at heart (even though she won't admit it) and there's no changing that.

I'm in the kitchen right now making some sandwiches. Faith's always so hungry when she gets home from school. She says she eats lunch but I think she's lying to me. She has a bowl of cereal in the morning and two or three sandwiches when she gets home in the afternoon and she always eats a little more then her fair share at dinner. Ever since Addison started eating solids we've been buying enough groceries every week to feed a small army. Slayer metabolism, you gotta love it. We get to eat what we want and when we want to and we stay fit and trim.

And I've been eating more because of the whole 'eating for two' thing. I'm glad we're having another baby, I always thought that we'd have three, but...I miss slaying. I never thought I'd say it but I miss staking vampires and killing demons. It's what I was made for and I'm denying all of these natural instincts and it sucks. But I can't go slaying because my unborn baby could die. I could get stabbed or slammed against a wall or tree or something. Or I could die. What we do is dangerous and every time we go out there's no guarantee we'll be coming back. I don't like to think about it, but it's true.

"Honey, I'm home!" I hear Faith yell out as the front door opens. I giggle and roll my eyes. She does that sometimes, not everyday 'cause that would get irritating. She likes to joke around like that. She says that we're almost like a fifties family, if we just imagine that she's a guy and going to work instead of a woman and going to school. I've even dressed the part for her, other then that night in Ohio when we had that huge fight. And she's really taking this school thing to heart. She bought a few different outfits that she's surprised me with. Ever imagined Faith in a Catholic schoolgirl's outfit? Well you should, because she's dead sexy in one. Especially when she put her hair in pigtails. I thought I was gonna come just looking at her.

"I'm in the kitchen!" I put the top slice of bread on the last sandwich and rush out to the living room. I wrap my arms around Faith and give her a big kiss on the lips. I lift my legs up so my heels are touching my butt and Faith is holding me up. I pull back from the kiss and smile so innocently at her. "How was school today? Were you a bad girl? Do you need to be spanked?" I'm only teasing about that. We're not really into the spanking thing. Sometimes light taps but nothing more then that. She clears her throat and puts me down. What's wrong with her? She steps off to my right and I see a teenage boy standing a couple feet away from Faith. He looks¼.shocked and a little uncomfortable. I blush about ten different shades of red.

"Buffy, this is Will. Will, this is my wife Buffy." I say hi and give an awkward wave and so does he. "We have a History project due next week, figured we'd go ahead and get it over and done with." She's trying not to smile. She thinks this is just so fucking funny. Well, from her point of view I guess it is, but she should try a little harder. I'm totally embarrassed over here and she thinks it's just one big joke. Maybe I will give her a very unsexy spanking.

"Ok, well why don't you guys go study out back? I made some sandwiches if you're hungry." Faith nods her head yes and Will just stands there. He looks so nervous. I think I broke him. "Will, would you like anything?" He says a very strained 'yes please'. Faith gives me a little peck on the cheek as she walks by and they go outside to the backyard. I walk into the kitchen and watch through the window. Matthew stops bouncing on the trampoline and runs up and gives Faith a big hug.

He started asking about her about half way through our shopping trip. He really misses her because the summer is usually when we do stuff together as a family. We'll spend the day at the park or go to the movies. And sometimes she does stuff with him that her special bonding time with him. They'll play basketball at the basketball courts that were built at the park about seven months ago. They'll be gone all day long and I guess it helps him work off the pent up stuff that he represses. Things can get pretty stressful around here and sometimes it's hard being the older sibling especially with Addison for a sister. So once a week Faith takes him to the basketball courts and they work off all that stress.

I cut all the sandwiches in half put them on a plate and take them outside. Faith and Will are sitting at the table with their books open and they're actually studying. I figured they'd be messing around 'cause it takes a while for Faith to get into 'study mode' because she hates it so much. There have been some nights were she'll fall asleep doing the work and I'll finish it for her on a separate piece of paper so all she has to do is copy it. I can't stand to see her suffer like that and when is she ever going to use Algebra in real life? I've been out of high school for about sixteen years and I haven't used any of that stuff yet. It's pointless but if she wants to get her GED so she can go to college she has to do it. So I help her out every once in a while, is that so wrong? I put the plate on the table and Faith practically attacks the food.

"Jeez, Faith, didn't you eat anything today?" I have a feeling that she doesn't eat the food there because Faith may be a slayer but she only eats like this if she's skipped a meal or just finished slaying. Will reaches out and takes one and says a 'thank you' and I nod in response. I really wanna hear what she has to say. She tells me whenever I ask that she does eat, she's just hungry because the portions are small but I'm really starting to think that's all a bunch of bullshit.

"Yeah, B. You know me, big appetite all the time." She's lying, I know she's lying but I'll let it go for now because she has company. I already embarrassed myself in front of him no need to embarrass her by getting on her case about this. And now she's looking at me with the puppy-dog eyes. She wants something. "Baby, will you bring us a couple sodas, please?" I roll my eyes and go back into the kitchen. I get a Coke for her and Will and some bottles of water for the boys. We let Matthew have sodas and stuff but we're almost out and I don't want him and his friends drinking them all up.

"Here, you go. Will, is Coke ok? It's all we've got." He nods his head, says a 'thank you' and takes a big drink. I kinda like this kid, he's polite and quiet and as long as I don't do anything to embarrass myself in front of him again I'm sure he'll be back for another study session because Faith seems to be more focused now that she has someone doing this with her.

"Kids, lunch is ready!" I yell out to Matthew and his friends. They're playing up in the huge tree house Faith built about a year ago. This thing is awesome. There's a huge wrap around porch thing, and a big house sitting at the center of the tree. I watch as they all climb down the ladder and rush towards us. The tree house is only six feet off the ground, but I still worry one of them is going to get hurt.

"Thank you Ms. Lehane," the four friends say in unison. I taught them that. When they first started showing up at my house for lunch a couple years ago trust me when I say they had the table manners of a werewolf. But I set down the ground rules and they know I'm not going to tolerate them being out of control in my house so now they're respectful and say please and thank you and all that other stuff. Matthew says a thank you around a big bite of sandwich.

"You're welcome guys, and Matthew don't talk with your mouth full please." He rolls his eyes a little and I choose to ignore it because Addison is awake and calling out for me. She gets a little freaked when she wakes up from her naps and no one is in the house. We keep the backyard pretty cool since it gets so damn hot here what with it being a desert so we do spend a lot of time outside. I go into the house and she's in the living room. Her hair is all messy and it looks really cute. She's starting to get some curls in the back. I don't know why they're developing now, but they are and they're adorable. "We're outside, baby." She turns around and yawns really wide.

"Is Mama home yet?" she asks and stretches her arms high above her head. I tell her yes and we walk out to the backyard and she gives Faith a big hug. These are the two that fight all the time. They can be in the same room with each other for three hours but then they start fighting because they are just too much alike. I can deal with Addison because I've had years experience dealing with Faith when she gets really stubborn, but Faith isn't used to dealing with it so they collide a lot. And Addison is only almost three. I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when she hits the teen years.

"Matthew, stop feeding the dog." He just fed Tucker a very large piece of food. This dog is still a problem but he's gotten a lot better now that he's older. Is seven old for a dog? I'm not sure. But he's calmed down, not as hyper and his walks aren't as long anymore. Faith used to take him on a two-hour walk every night no matter what because if he doesn't get walked he'll start destroying my beautiful yard. But now they're usually gone for an hour. The vet said he has arthritis in his back legs and I have to give him some medication with his meals. I didn't even know dogs could get that. I thought that was a human thing.

"But he wants some too." Matthew has been spoiling Tucker because of his declining health. Since he's getting older he can't run around and play as much as he used to and Matthew knows that it probably won't be a lot longer, a couple years maybe, before Tucker passes away. I've been spoiling him too but not in front of the others. That dog has been a thorn in my side almost his entire life and I'm not about to hear a round of 'I told you so' from Faith. When we first found out about the arthritis, which was about eight months ago, she said that since he's getting older I'm probably going to start babying him out of sympathy.

"Mommy, since Tucker's gettin old can we get a lady dog?" Addison asks and takes a bite of her sandwich. She loves Tucker a lot but she's been asking for a dog of her own, one that's more her size since her and Tucker are about the same height. And when she says 'lady dog' she really means a Cocker Spaniel, ya know, the little dog from Lady and the Tramp? Faith doesn't want to get another dog because she knows that if we get a puppy then Tucker will be completely ignored.

"I don't know, baby." Ok, need a change of subject before she starts asking why and Faith gets upset. "Faith, the kids were wondering if maybe this Saturday we could go to the diner for lunch. Is that ok with you? I sorta already told them we could." Faith likes going there as much as the rest of us. The food is great, the people are really nice, and I love it a lot because ever since I got my bump and the waitress asked if I was pregnant we all get free ice cream. The kids have always gotten free ice cream because they're just so charming when they really want something, and she says that 'the little one' deserves a free treat too, and she gives Faith some because she doesn't want her feeling left out.

"Yeah, that'd be great. A break from all this is just what I need." I give her a kiss on top the head and go back into the house. I'm starting to get a little bit of heartburn. It sucks a lot, but it's just one of the downsides to being pregnant. The end result will definitely outweigh all of this bad stuff. It's hard for me to be around people when the heartburn kicks in because it hurts really bad and I can't take anything to make it go away because the medicine could do something bad to the baby and I tend to get a little¼bitchy when I'm in pain and can't make it go away. I need to get some laundry done anyway so I might as well do that. This is a little depressing, though. Being inside on a nice day while everyone is outside. At least only the kids are having fun. If Faith were out there having a good time my hormones would probably get the better of me.

FPOV

"So, how are you two doing out here?" B asks and picks up the plate that the sandwiches used to be on. I swear those kids ate way more then they usually do. B made like fifteen, I only got five. How messed up is that? Anyway, I tell her we're doin good, but I'm not too sure. Me and Will have been studyin for so long that all the letters look the same. "That's good." And she gives me this mischievous little smile. "Now remember Faith, you're supposed to be studying, so don't let me catch you two making out or anything." I think Will is having a heart attack.

"Don't worry, B. I'm sure Will would rather have you." Ha, beat her at her own game. She blushes and walks off. She's been teasing me for the last three hours, actin like she's the mom and I'm the teenage daughter. She's been makin comments like that for a while now. It's gettin irritating but I always manage to make her blush. I watch her ass until she closes the back door then I look down at this stupid history book. "This is gettin pointless. Let's take a break." He closes his book and sighs really loud. I guess he was gettin tired too.

"So¼" he says and stops. He sounds a little¼nervous. Hmm, I wonder what he's gonna ask. It's wicked obvious he wants to ask a question, the way he's lookin at me like he wants to say somethin but he doesn't want me to get pissed. "You never said anything about having kids." No, I didn't. It just never came up. "So, whose the dad?" Why do people always wanna know that? What does it matter who the 'dad' is? Somethin catches my eye and I look over to my left and see Addy standin on the porch really still and tense and she's blinkin a lot, like she has somethin in her eye.

"You ok, Addy?" She nods her head yes and rubs her eye¼her right eye. Then she looks over at me like everything is normal again. That was a little weird. But she has been playin out in the yard with Mattie and his friends so maybe she just got some dirt in her eye, it's happened before. I turn back to Will but before I can talk little Addy speaks up.

"Mama, are you goin slaying tonight?" Oh shit. No, no, no, no. Me and B already had the big talk with her about slayers and stuff, she didn't really understand all of it 'cause she's not even three yet, but she gets the general idea: we have super powers, we kill evil, and it's very important. But she hasn't seemed to grasp the 'no talking about it in front of strangers' thing. I look over at Will and smile a little nervous smile. Ok, I need to come up with a lie and fast before he starts asking questions.

"You're a slayer?" I really need to learn to talk faster. Wait¼he isn't confused? He knows what a slayer is? Well, it shouldn't be too much of a surprise. With how many girls we got runnin around out there the chances of a family member begin a slayer is kind of high. "My sister's a slayer, an intern at the school." His eyebrows furrow a little and he looks at me a little closer, like he's studyin me or somethin. What the fuck? And now he's chuckling. What the hell? "Faith Lehane and Buffy Summers, the originals." Oh, so he knows who we are. "Shoulda put it together as soon as I met her."

"Who's your sister?" Maybe I know her. I have met most of 'em. Addy crawls into my lap and I help her adjust so we're both comfortable. I wrap my arms around her so that my hands are restin on her stomach and she's toyin with my rings.

"Holly Freemen. She said somethin about meeting you guys when you lived there for a while." Holly Freemen¼the name does sound a little familiar. "She's friends with Sissy Ronalds." Ah, I remember now. The intern that I sparred with and she let me use her shower.

"Yeah, I remember her. How's she doin these days? I haven't talked to her in a long fuckin time." Oops. Now I'm gonna get an ear full. Just you wait and see. I hear Addy gasp but I know it's forced. She does it every time she hears me cuss.

"Mama, you're not supposed to say bad words. I'm telling Mommy." Brat. She jumps off my lap and runs into the house. Oh well. B isn't gonna take her too serious. Since Addy knows not to say the 'bad words' she doesn't really bug me about watchin my mouth in front of her. But before that? Oh man B would ride my ass every time I'd let one slip. And I'm not talkin about the good kind of riding either. But I got a taste of my own medicine, I guess, when I went grocery shopping and took Addy with me, she just turned two, and I asked if she wanted some grapes and she said 'fuck no'. So I started watchin my mouth a little closer after that. Anyway, back to the now.

"She's doin alright. She's thinking about quitting the intern program so she can travel around. She wants to go to Brazil for a while and then New York 'cause have family there that we haven't seen in years." Sounds like a plan, I'm sure she'll be able to do that. Since interns are already graduated that they can leave the program whenever they want. Becoming one is the hard thing. They have to do all these tests and prove themselves that they're good enough to teach and all that other shit.

"I'm gonna be goin up to Ohio in a few months, maybe I'll see her before she leaves." Ever since that one class of juniors rebelled Giles wants me or B or the both of us to go up there on a semi-regular basis to make sure they stay in line. But I'm going to be goin there by myself since B's pregnant. Yeah, pregnant, again. She's only three months along and she's already showin. The doctor said that's a little strange but everything seems normal other then that and we don't have anything to worry about, so naturally I've been worried.

And we didn't make this baby with magic. Well, not exactly. See, Red's been livin at the slayer school for a long time now, and Giles was getting a little worried about her 'cause she's been hangin out in the woods by herself for hours at a time. And so when we went up there for one of our check ups of the school he asked us to talk to her. We followed her out to the woods and she was workin on some spell and when B spoke up Willow jumped and spell went boom and me and B got a big blast of it. And I woke up the next morning with a dick.

Yep, it was strange and even though I only had it for a day and a half I still had a dick. I was freakin out and didn't want B near me 'cause I thought it was gross and shit but she had one of the interns baby-sit the kids and told her that I wasn't feeling well and when B got back she showed me that she still thought I was sexy. A.k.a. we had hot and wild sex all day long. And she really enjoyed it, and bein inside her, feelin her wrapped around me, and her walls clenchin down on me¼.well I think I'm gonna come just thinkin about it.

The thought of her runnin out and buyin a pack of condoms never came to mind 'cause we've never had to use any type of protection before. And now she's pregnant. I have no fuckin clue what I'm gonna do. We're keepin the baby, no doubt about that but it's gonna be so fuckin hard. Babies are expensive and we got Addy and Mattie to think about too. And we're trying to be 'financially independent' and all that shit. Giles is still payin our bills but as soon as I get my GED and get a degree from the little community college here I'm gonna get a job and start paying the bills and shit. And B's gonna be going to college after I graduate and college isn't cheap, even if it's just a little community one.

We don't have to worry about the wedding because we already had it. Yep, I'm a wife, and B's my wife. We were married on the twentieth of May and everything about it was perfect. B was absolutely perfect. She looked so beautiful in her dress and I couldn't help but start to cry like a little girl, but she cried too so it was ok. Most of the guests cried, I know Red and Brat had a hard time controlling it. And it took me so fuckin long to write my vows. Eight months. Once we decided on the date I started workin on 'em. I couldn't let B find out about it through 'cause she would've read 'em. So I would type 'em up on the computer in an e-mail and send it to myself. And we have separate accounts so she never read it.

And we spent two weeks in a honeymoon suite in Hawaii. I've given up sayin that we went to Hawaii 'cause even though we did the only part of the island we saw was the aerial view from the plane. We only left the room twice, the first time was our second night there, we went out to eat at this great little restaurant and since we were on our honeymoon the meal was free. The second time we left the room was when B wanted to do a little souvenir shopping for the kids. She got 'em some t-shirts and jewelry and stuff like that. But she made the trip short 'cause we were so fuckin horny for each other it was insane.

It's eight o' clock now. Me and Will didn't finish with all the research so he's comin over tomorrow and when we get done with that I'm gonna go out and buy a poster board and finish the project myself. I told him not to worry about it 'cause it's not gonna take a long time to write everything down. Besides, I got a pretty good idea of what I want it to look like and I'm not the best person when it comes to group projects 'cause I always like my ideas better. I'm drivin him home like I said it would. He lives on the other side of town so it took about twenty minutes to get here.

This is the 'bad side' of town, as all the others would call it. The working class people, people like me and the ones I grew up with. Not everyone can have it made. Will points out his house and I pull up in the driveway. There's an old pickup already parked here but the driveway's big enough for two cars. There are lights on in the house and I can see some shadows on the blinds of the living room. Not only that but I can hear the voices inside. The angry screaming of a man and woman. I glance over Will and he looks embarrassed but he also looks like he really doesn't wanna go into that house. And I don't blame him. I used to feel the exact same way when I'd come home at night and hear the voices.

"I don't feel like going home yet. Wanna drive around for a while, keep me company?" I ask him and he nods his head yes. I back out of he driveway and take off down the street. We're in the Camaro 'cause I really didn't feel like drivin B's sedan. My poor baby hasn't been out for a drive in a long time. I drive around the streets at first going way over the speed limit. Will looks like he's enjoying himself, especially on the turns. I know what I'm doing in this car, I know it better then I know B, better then I know myself. I know just how far I can push her before somethin bad happens and I am far from that point. The only reason I crashed my bike was because I had so much on my mind at the time, but I'm clear headed now.

So after about an hour of driving I park near the woods not too far from where the teenagers park and make out. I don't know where else to go. We already stopped at the gas station and picked up some food and ate it, everything else is closed, and he doesn't wanna go home yet so I guess we'll just sit here. I shut off the engine and sigh. "Isn't it weird that there's a fuckin forest right here? I mean, Nevada's a desert, everywhere else there's nothin but shrubs, so how the hell is there a forest?" He shifts in his seat and takes off the seatbelt and I do too.

"The magic, I guess." His sister is a slayer so he knows about all the demons that live around here. The main reason Holly is in Ohio is because her mom wants her there were there are a lot of other slayers to help her fight the demons and vamps. Here she would've been at it alone and her chances of dying were a lot greater. "Some of the researchers at the slayer school are lookin into it, and they think it has to do with all the magic, gives the demons a place to hide." But there's other stuff then just demons in these woods and they seem to go on forever. "I'm gonna stretch my legs," he says and gets out of the car. Might as well join him.

We walk around for a little bit but he knows not to go into the woods. The demons usually don't venture very far from the protection of the trees so we're moderately safe as long as we don't go into them very far. He leads me to this little spot, down a little hill and behind some large bushes. There are some vines on the ground and they look like they've been flattened down. I guess he comes here a lot. He sits down and scoots over a little so I have enough room. When I'm all nice and settled he reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a baggie. He reaches into the baggie and pulls out a lighter and a joint and tokes up.

"I come out here when my mom and dad start fighting. They usually go on for hours, it's easier to pretend it's not happening when you're not there." He takes a hit and passes it to me. I give him a little smile 'cause this is reminding me of my youth. Sittin in an abandoned building with my friends passin a joint around, gettin as high as kites. Ah, the good ol' days. It became kinda pointless when I turned into a slayer 'cause the shit doesn't stay in my system long enough to really enjoy it. So I take a little hit and pass it back. "You're a slayer for fuck's sake take a bigger hit then that." He takes a hit then passes it to me. Alright, he if he insists.

So, that's what we do for about fifteen minutes. We take a hit then pass it back and forth until it's all gone. I'm not feelin much, I got a little bit of a buzz goin a couple minutes ago but it's already wearin off. It never lasts long. He's pretty fuckin high though, zonin out and shit. I don't think he's moved in the last five minutes. I feel like I should be talkin to him, or tryin to get him to talk. I feel like a teen again, sittin here tryin to think of a way to get the guy's attention. It usually didn't take much but there were a couple that were a bit of a challenge.

"I know what it's like," I tell him and he looks at me, his eyes are red as hell and he has a confused look on his face. "Your parents fighting, I know what it's like. Mine fought all the time too." He smiles a little and looks into my eyes. Even with the redness the blue of his eyes are still so bright. So fuckin...gorgeous. Oh, this must be the weed talkin, or thinkin...whichever. I don't move when I see him lean towards me. I close my eyes and his lips press against mine. He hesitates for a couple seconds but when I kiss him back he gets into it. He scoots a little closer to me and wraps his arms around my back. I feel his tongue rub against my lip so I open my mouth and invite him in.

God, where did this kid learn how to kiss? This feels so fuckin good. I rub the back of his neck with my hands and he leans forward until I'm on my back and he's half on top of me. We pull a part for a second to catch our breath and he kisses me again. I slide my tongue into his mouth and swirl it around with his. I moan and he presses against me a little harder. This feels so good, his lips, his tongue, the way his fingers are rubbing the soft spot between my shoulder blades, but it's wrong...I know it's wrong and I shouldn't be doin it but I can't remember why.

I run my fingers through his hair on the back of his head. I spread my legs open a little bit to get a little more comfortable. I feel him move and he's lyin between my legs now. I can feel his hard cock against me and I can't help but smile. I'm gonna rock this kid's world, he's not gonna be able to keep up with me. He thinks he loves me now just wait until I get through with him. I wouldn't be surprised if he started stalking me. I feel one of his hands on my stomach. I shift around a little to make it easier for him to reach the button on my jeans.

I feel my finger snag in his hair and he pulls back from the kiss. It takes me a minute to get my hand free. What the hell was that all about? I moan when he kisses my neck. I've always had a sensitive neck. But I can't get distracted, I wanna know what his hair got caught on. I look over his shoulder at my left hand and I see my rings. My engagement ring and my wedding band. Fuck, what the fuck am I doing? I sit up really fast and he falls backwards. He looks confused, and a little mad, and really fuckin horny. I can't blame him about the last one though.

"We can't do this, I'm married." I reach down and zip my pants back up. He looks a little mad and hurt. "I'm sorry, I never meant to be a tease." He just nods his head. I've never felt this way before...I've never felt bad for not being able to sleep with someone. It's like...he wanted me so much, and he was so sad because of his parents and he just wanted someone to make him feel better and he thought I was going to, and I let him think it. "It's gettin late, we should go." He nods and stands up the best he can and we walk back to the car. I feel like such an ass. I wouldn't feel this way if he weren't such a nice guy. I gotta stop making friends with nice guys, it always comes back to bite me in the ass.


	26. Mystery Man

**The Same Night.** FPOV

I just dropped Will off at his house and I'm my way back to mine. I can't believe I let it go that far. And he's only seventeen, I could go to jail if anyone finds out about it. That's not gonna happen though. He promised not to tell anyone and I know I have to be straight with B about it but she won't tell anyone. She'll be pissed as hell and I'll probably be sleepin on the couch for the next couple of nights but she won't turn me in. Besides, not much happened. We kissed, no big. Ok, so if my ring hadn't got caught in his hair we'd be fucking right now but we're not, and that's the important thing. I didn't cheat, I didn't. I was under the influence of a drug and he is such a great kisser, and his lips are really soft and...ok Faith, stop thinking about it.

I pull into the driveway and shut off the engine and put my hands back on the steering wheel. I look in the living room window. I can see B sittin on the couch with the kids, she's reading to 'em and they're in their pajamas and their hair is still wet from the baths they took. They look so happy, she looks so happy, and I'm gonna go in there and ruin it? No, I can't. I can't do something like that.

I watch as she gets up and goes over to the phone and she answers it. She smiles and shakes her head no and then writes something down on a piece of paper. She says goodbye and hangs up. Well, I guess I better get in there. The first thing I need to do is get a shower to wash away the smell of the weed or it'll start a big fight.

I take my keys out of the ignition and walk into the house. I get some big smiles and hugs from the kids and Mattie asks about the smell and I tell him not to worry about it. B's lookin at me with this suspicious look on her face. I give her a big smile with plenty of dimple and a quick kiss on the cheek as I rush to the bathroom. Ok, so I'll confess everything after the kids go to bed. I think it'll go better once they're in bed because she won't yell as loud for the sake of their sleep. So, that's what I'll do, I'll just wait a little while. I get out of the shower after scrubbing myself down very well and washing my hair five times. I take a look at myself in the mirror.

There's a little hickie on my neck but it's goin away. It'll probably be totally gone in about half an hour maybe a little less. All I gotta do is make sure she doesn't see it before I tell her everything. Alright so I'm not gonna tell her everything. I can't tell her that I enjoyed it or that if I hadn't looked at my rings I probably would've fucked him but I will tell her the physical stuff. I'll tell her that we smoked some weed and he kissed me and we made out a little bit, but I stopped him before anything serious happened. Ok, that's what I'll do.

I dry my hair a little so it won't be dripping all over the place and wrap the towel around myself. I toss my clothes into the hamper and go into my bedroom. She's waiting for me, sittin on the bed with the phone in her hands and she looks a little worried. I can ignore that though. She's just worried 'cause I was gone for so long. I should've been back two and a half hours ago, it takes twenty minutes to get to Will's house and twenty to get back. But we drove around and then walked to his little hideaway, and then smoked and made out, and then I dropped him off and came home. I was gone for a little over three hours. No wonder she's worried.

"You gotta call," she says and looks down at her hands. I look a little closer and she has the piece of paper under the phone. "He didn't leave his last name, but Christopher wants you to call him back, whoever he is. He left a number. It's to a motel in Vegas. I didn't know you knew anyone named Christopher." I sigh and pull on a nightshirt. My Nine Inch Nails t-shirt that two sizes too big. Very cool, and very comfortable. She looks at me for a second and I can tell she's thinkin bad thoughts. "Where were you, Faith? Why were you gone for so long?" She's insecure about her stomach and probably thinks I went to Vegas and cheated on her with a guy named Christopher.

"I took Will home." She gives me a suspicious look. "I drove him home and his parents were arguin so we drove around for a while and we stopped over by the woods and walked around for a little bit. He took me to this hidden spot, said he goes there when his parents fight. We sat there for a while and I drove him home." I will tell her about the kissing, I will. I just need to ease her into it.

"Oh," she says and looks at my neck. Fuck, I forgot to cover it up. "Then where did you get that?" She's starin at the hickie. I sit down on the bed next to her and take the phone and piece of paper from her and set 'em down on the bed and hold onto her hands. I'm probably bein a little over dramatic but whatever. I got macked on by a seventeen year old my head is still kinda loopy.

"Well, when me and Will were at his little hideaway we smoked a joint." She looks surprised and a little mad. "And he kissed me. We made out for a couple minutes, but then I stopped it. We didn't go far, B, I swear. I stopped him when he was givin me the hickie." I look into her eyes and she's trying not to smile. Dammit Buffy. Well, at least she's not mad. I should've known she was gonna make fun of me about this. She laughs a little and leans her head against my shoulder.

"Just because you're going to school with them doesn't mean you have to act like a teenager." She starts laughing harder and I can't help but join in. I guess it is kinda funny if you think about it. Well, in B's mind it's funny. I lay down on the bed and she falls against me. She's still laughin pretty loud and gettin louder. I hear a pounding noise on the wall on the other end of the room. On the other side of that wall is Mattie's bedroom. What the hell is he doin?

"Some of us in this house are trying to sleep!" he yells and B goes quiet. I can't believe she just got yelled at by a nine year old. I try not to smile and chance a glance at her. She looks...relaxed now that she knows I'm not cheatin on her. I would never do somethin like that. Even though part of me wanted to I'm sure I woulda stopped Will before things went too far. Anyway, enough about him. I pick up the piece of paper and read it. All it says is: 'Christopher, motel 6, 457-8051 room 115'. I wonder who it is. Probably not important. Can't possibly be who I think it is.

"So, Saturday we're goin to PJ's huh?" PJ's Diner is possibly they best place to eat at in the whole fuckin world. And it's only fifteen minutes from our house. Well, a fifteen minute drive, I don't know how long it would take to walk there. She nods her head yeah and snuggles into me. I gently push her off me and sit up and rub my stomach. I haven't had any dinner. Me and Will were too busy studying so we passed on the food that B made. "I'm fuckin starvin. Were there any leftovers or did you give 'em all to Tucker?" She rolls her eyes a little. She thinks I don't know that she's been spoiling him, but I know. He's gettin old and she's sympathetic.

"Well maybe if you didn't smoke that pot you wouldn't have the munchies." I so do not have the munchies. I know what that's like, and if I had that there'd be no food left in this house right now. "You do realize I'm going to make fun of you about that for probably the rest of your life?" Yeah, I shoulda guessed that. I give her a small smile and eye her up and down. She's wearin a little yellow sundress with tiny pink flowers. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail and I don't think she's wearin a bra.

"I know what I got the munchies for," I say and lean down and kiss her. She moans and kisses me back. I reach down and pull up the skirt of her dress. She's wearin some white cotton bikini style panties. Hmm, when did she start wearin these? She usually wears thongs 'cause she hates panty lines. But whatever. I leave some little kisses on her stomach as I pull off her underwear. She lifts her hips up to help me. Once they're off I don't wait before I dive right in. I spread her lips with my fingers and stick my tongue up her pussy.

"Oh God," she moans and wiggles around. I slowly pull my tongue out and press it flat against her clit and slowly drag it upwards before sticking it back inside her. She's moanin pretty loud. She's gonna have to quiet down a little. But strangely that's not my priority right now. I press my tongue against her clit again and slowly pull it upwards. She bucks her hips and moans a little louder. I take her hard clit between my lips and gently suck on it, like a baby with a binkie. She's startin to lose control a little. "Oh God Faith, a little harder, please. Uhhhh, uhhhhh, uhhhhhh." SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! I jump back and land on my ass when I hear the pounding on the wall.

"Mom I'm trying to go to sleep!" I look up at B and she looks embarrassed. She smoothes out her dress and gets up and changes into her pajamas. Then she lays down in the bed and curls up on her side, she's clutchin the extra pillow she bought 'cause the doctor said it would make sleepin a little easier if she's wrapped around a pillow. Guess I'm not gonna be gettin any sex tonight.

BPOV

I can't believe Faith made out with Will. And I can't believe she got high. She's thirty-two for God sakes. So much for kissing her youth goodbye, she still has a firm grasp on it. I knew that Will has a crush on Faith. The whole time they were studying he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. That's why I kept going out there and distracting them. My jealousy and hormones got the better of me. But it's fine. I'm a little mad that she did it but she stopped him before things got out of control. And besides I still haven't told her it was Holly who sucked on my neck so I can't really get mad because she was honest about it.

So who called her? I really wanna know who it was. He had a really rough voice, like he is getting over a bad cough or maybe he's smoked for a really long time or something. I know smoking can ruin your voice. And he said his name is Christopher, who does she know named Christopher? She never told me she knew someone named that. Did she meet him recently or something? And why would she give him our number? So many questions and I don't want to ask her because then I'll just seem like a jealous wife. Even though I kinda am.

I'm still all turned on from last night. I love it when she does that with her tongue. Too bad Matthew interrupted when he did, I was about to come. And knowing he was awake and heard me while Faith was going down on me really killed the mood. But I woke up really horny and Faith woke up a little late so she didn't have time for a 'pre-school quickie'. But it's Friday so we can stay up really late until both the kids are asleep and we can take turns going down on each other. Yep, I'm sure she'll like that.

I really wanna know why we're still so horny for each other. I mean, isn't marriage supposed to kill your sex drive? But we're almost as bad as we were when we started having sex with each other. God, that was so long ago. I try not to think about it because it makes me feel really old. I mean, I'm thirty-four years old. I wasn't even supposed to live this long. But Willow changed all of that. I helped, a little. It was my idea. But I can't take all the credit for it.

I love the fact that there are so many slayers out there that my kids never have to do it. They never have to slay, and fight demons and go patrolling. They can live normal lives. If they want to, that is. I'm not going to tell them no if they really want to slay but they'll have to be really safe about it. I doubt I'm going to let them patrol when they're fifteen or anything like that. I'm too overprotective I guess. I know they're going to argue back with 'but when you were our age you patrolled' and I did, but that was different. I was the only slayer back then, I had to do it. Ok, enough about future arguments with my kids that may never happen, it's starting to give me a headache.

I look towards the hallway when I hear Addison walking down it. Matthew's out playing with his friends and Faith is at school so it's just me and Addison here right now. Anyway, she's walking towards the living room but then she stops and she blinks a few times and rubs her eye...her right eye and she shakes her head a little bit. Well that's really weird. I wonder what's wrong.

"Addison, what's wrong baby?" She looks up at me and she looks a little...scared. I get up off the couch and walk up to her. I kneel down next to her and she rubs her eye again. If she doesn't stop it's going to turn red and get swollen. I hold onto her wrists and gently hold them at her sides. "What's wrong, sweetie?" She blinks a couple more times and looks into my eyes.

"My eye got fuzzy." She probably means her vision. "And then it went black." Well that can't be good. I take a closer look...I don't see anything in her eye and it doesn't look swollen or red or anything. I lean forward and give her a little kiss on her forehead.

"It's ok. Is it better now?" She nods her head yes and sighs a little sigh. "I'll call the doctor and see about getting you in, ok?" She nods her head yes and walks into the living room. She likes going to the doctor because of the free suckers. She can usually manipulate him into giving her two. I pick up the phone and press the speed dial button and then press seven. Yeah, I have the pediatrician on the speed dial, so what? You never know when you're going to need to make an appointment and this way I don't have to look the number up in the phone book. I schedule a doctor's appointment for this coming Wednesday and put the phone back in its cradle and sit down on the couch next to Addison.

"Mommy what's for lunch?" I look over at the clock, it's only eleven. We usually don't have lunch until Faith gets home. I tell her 'I don't know' and she accepts that answer, surprisingly. She'll usually bother me until I tell her something that sounds believable. She sighs and leans against me. She's been a little more tired then normal. Her naps have been at least half an hour longer and she's been waking up a little later then she normally does. Maybe it's because of the stress? I haven't been the nicest person to be around because of the pregnancy hormones, maybe this is just a little too much for her to handle?

"Hey Mom," Matthew says as he walks in the door. His shirt looks a little dirty and his hair is ruffled. They must've been playing baseball at Tommy's house or something. I look out the living room window and I can see his little gang of friends standing outside waiting for him. "Can I stay at Marc's house tonight?" he asks as he walks off to the bathroom. I hate it when he does that. He'll ask a question as he walks out of the room. Faith does that sometimes too. When he finishes in the bathroom he walks back out here and looks at me with this 'well?' type of look.

"I guess, did you already ask Marc's mom if you can stay over there?" He nods his head yes and starts heading for the door when Addison jumps off the couch and runs towards the front door. I can't help but smile. She wants to do everything her big brother does. She idolizes him so much. Sometimes I have to make her back off a little because everyone needs their space and I understand the feeling of wanting to just hang out with your friends but your little sister barges into the room and suddenly you can't act like you normally would. Yep, I totally get that.

"Brother, I wanna go with you," she says and stands next to him. He pretty much towers over her. He's pretty tall for his age especially this summer. He's grown at least three inches. If he does get really tall I don't know where he would get his height from because everyone on my side of the family is short. Well, Dawn's pretty tall but she takes more after our dad, but he's not like a giant or anything. So if Matthew ends up being six foot or any taller then that it'll have to be from someone in Faith's family. I hear him say something about asking me and she turns around. "Mom, can I go with Brother?" I have to think about it for a few seconds, mostly just to annoy her.

"I guess." They go to leave but I stop them. "Matthew," he closes the door and turns around. "Keep an eye on her ok?" He nods his head yes but I need to make him understand a little better then that. "Matthew," I got the warning tone going. "Her eye has been bothering her so if she starts rubbing it and if she gets dizzy bring her home ok?" He looks over at her and she just smiles up at him. When it comes to him she's such a little suck up.

"Ok, I will. Bye Mom, love you," he says and she says the same and before I can respond the door is slammed shut and they're running out to join his friends. Well, that was rude. But whatever. I watch them through the window. Matthew's holding onto Addison's hand so she can keep up with him as they run down to his friends. A few of them look a little…disappointed that she's there but that's typical for kids their age. Then I see that little punk David and his friends walk up to them. They just live three blocks over and sometimes they play together. Faith thinks it's kind of funny whenever they play baseball against each other, it reminds her of that movie 'The Sandlot'.

Anyway, I watch as the two groups seem to square off. Matthew's out in front of his friends and David's out in front of his since they're the two 'leaders'. What do they think they are, gang leaders? But this is just how it is. Anyway, Addison is standing next to Matthew, she's still holding onto his hand and David says something to her and then laughs. She looks a little…mad but she doesn't do anything. It's Matthew that speaks up. I don't know what he said but now David looks really pissed and really serious. Should I get out there or just let them resolve this themselves?

Then David says something to Matthew and Addison jumps forward and kicks him right in the shin. All of Matthew's friends laugh and a couple of David's. The boy looks like his pride has been wounded, especially when Addison starts giggling. There's nothing I can do because there's no way I can get out there in time, as this kid pulls his hand back and slaps my baby girl across the face. I think my heart just stopped, that's how pissed off I am. Addison falls down and holds her hand up to her cheek and starts to cry. Matthew pushes David to the ground and jumps on top of him and starts beating the hell out of him. Remember that scene in 'A Christmas Story' when Ralphie beats the hell outta that bully? Well, this is a perfect reenactment.

I run outside and some of the other moms have come outside now to try and help out. I guess they were all watching the little show too. Well, it was a show until that little bastard touched my baby. As I get closer I can hear the words spewing out of Matthew's mouth and one word comes to mind: 'Faith'. I know that's where he heard all of the words he's saying right now. And his hostility towards this kid reminds me of Faith that first night we patrolled together.

"You mother fucking son of a bitch! You don't touch my sister you fucking asshole!" he yells and his him again. I can see the blood on Matthew's knuckles. I really hope this kid isn't too hurt because Matthew's a slayer and the chances of him losing control are very high. But at the same time I hope this little ass gets at least a broken nose. I run over and grab onto my boy. The other mothers have grabbed their kids and pulled them away from the fight and Kim is holding Addison and blocking her view of the scene, which I'm grateful for. I grab onto Matthew's arm but he struggles against me. I wonder if he even knows it's me.

"Matthew! Matthew, stop." I pull him away and he swings one more time with his left hand and hits the kid across the jaw. David's face is already starting to swell and his nose is bleeding really bad and both of his eyes are already black. Matthew's breathing is really labored and his face is really red. He's just so pissed off. I've never seen him like this before. "Come on, let's go home." He just nods his head and stomps back to the house. I walk up to Kim and take Addison from her. My little baby's crying but I think she's just scared. "Thanks Kim. See you on Sunday?" she nods her head yes. Sundays all the moms of the neighborhood get together for a little 'grown up time'. I only asked her about it because I don't know what else to say.

I take Addison into the house and sit her down on the couch. David didn't even leave a mark, but it's the principle of the thing. You don't hit a little girl, even if she did kick you. She's not even three, David is nine maybe ten and he slapped her really hard. If Addison weren't a slayer she'd have a large mark on her face right now. She's still crying a little bit but she's calmed down a lot. Now I need to go talk to Matthew. I have no idea what I'm going to say. He needs some type of punishment, but I just can't. He was protecting his sister, but still that was just a mean little boy, it's not like David is a demon or anything. And Matthew really unleashed the slayer strength. I think I'll just wait for Faith to come home. She'll be able to help me decide.

FPOV

So last night after B got all embarrassed 'cause Mattie overheard us 'being intimate' I went on the computer and looked up that phone number. It is a motel 6 like the guy told B, in Las Vegas on Boulder Highway. Last night I wrote down the address and shut off the computer and went to bed. And this morning when I was getting ready for school I told B I was gonna run some errands so I took my car. But I called in sick from my cell phone and here I am, sitting in my car, parked across the street of the motel, staring at the door of room 115.

I don't even know why I'm here anymore. I haven't seen anyone walk out or go into that room except for the housekeeping. But I just…I need to make sure. I don't know why but I need to. It wasn't his fault, he didn't do anything wrong and now after all these years he's callin me up lookin for me? Has he been away all this time? I know shit happens in jail that can get you sentenced for longer, things you can't really control. Is that what happened? I start my car and let the engine run for a few minutes. Five minutes, I'll give him five more minutes and then I'll leave. Yep, just five more minutes.

I look down at my watch…it's been fifteen minutes and I'm still sitting here. Ok, I have to go. I really do have other things that I need to get done. The present I wanna buy Addy for her birthday is on sale so I'm gonna go ahead and buy it and just hide it in my bedroom closet until her birthday, which isn't until November, it's only August. I have all day though 'cause the store is open twenty-four hours. But I have to get home to my family. I can't just sit here all damn day waiting for him especially when I'm not a hundred percent sure it's him in the first place.

But I don't move. I shut off the car and just sit here. I haven't seen him in like…twenty-two years. Will I recognize him? How much has he changed? Does he have any tats? Why is he looking me up now? He couldn't have been in jail all this time. Twenty-two years for a domestic dispute? Come on, get real. That'd never happen. So why now? Why when things are finally getting to be perfect? I just don't understand it. I want to know why. I guess that's why I'm here. For the answers, to ask him the questions I've always wanted to ask. To tell him how bad it got when he went away. Not to make him feel guilty to thank him for not letting it happen while he was around.

Why here? Why didn't he try to get in touch with me when I was in California? Was he still locked up? And why was he locked up for so damn long? He didn't do anything wrong. He could have handled it a little differently, yeah, but he wasn't thinkin straight at the time. None of us was, so why was he gone for so long? Was it me? Was he tired of protecting me? Was he tired of the fights and the yelling and taking the punches that were meant for me? Did he stop loving me?

Don't be stupid Faith, of course he does. He wouldn't have put up with all that shit if he didn't. But he was gone for so long. Twenty-two years. So much has happened in twenty-two years. Will he even recognize me? I've changed so many times. Going from the little thing he used to protect, to an angry hateful teenager, to a killer, to a remorseful soul looking for redemption, to a worrier in a huge battle, to a girlfriend with some issues but still loving and able to deal. To a mother and finally a wife. How do I explain everything to him? Will he still love me after he finds out what I've done? Will he still want to be around me? Or will he disappear again?

I remember the night he went away. She had too much to drink, like always but that night was different. There was this…tension, this energy in the air that wasn't there before. Disaster was going to happen, we could all feel it we just didn't know how or when it was going to happen. Then it did, and it was real bad. I was cleaning off the table after dinner, like I always did because it was one of my chores. I was only ten, just a little naïve thing. And I was taking a plate over to the sink and I thought I saw somethin starin at me through the kitchen window and it scared me and I dropped the plate.

She started screaming at me. Calling me a clumsy bitch and I stayed quiet because when she drinks she says stuff she doesn't mean. And even though it hurt I stayed quiet. I started to clean up the glass off the floor and I cut myself. I wanted to go to the bathroom to get a band-aid but she stopped me, said I had to finish cleaning up my mess because if she had to do it I'd get the ass whoppin of a lifetime. That's when he came in and told her to back off.

She started yelling at him. Calling him a worthless son of a bitch, that he's the reason she drinks. And he ignores her and helps me clean up the glass. Then she starts goin on and on about how he loves me more then her. And he tells her it isn't true but there's no reasoning with her when she's like this. It was almost like she was talking to herself. Then she lunged at me, tried to hit me, screaming how she was going to punish me for being a selfish whore. And he pushed her back. She knocked something over, I can't remember what, but it made a loud crashing sound and he started screaming at her, threatening her, telling her if she ever laid a hand on me he'd kill her. That's when the cops showed up and they took him away.

I remember crying harder then I'd ever cried before. I remember hiding in my bedroom so she wouldn't hear me. I wasn't afraid that she was going to hurt me, but I didn't want her to see me like that, it was more of a pride thing. But I was afraid, a little. Of what would happen in the future. With him gone there was no one to protect me. No one to keep her at bay. And it turns out my fear wasn't all made up because it wasn't more then two weeks later that she started beating me with the belt, another three months and I had a broken arm.

I was never mad at him. I hated the cops though. It's their job to protect and serve but they left me there. Left me there to rot. The one that took him away looked me dead in the eyes, he saw my fear, my pleading look not to take him and he didn't even stop to see if I was ok. Didn't ask if there was something more going on. They just assumed that the empty liquor bottles were his and the fighting was a result of his actions. I hated them so much. I hated her even more. If she weren't a drunk then he wouldn't have gotten taken away.

And everyone thought that it was the typical situation: mommy with a habit, daddy ran off, but it wasn't. That's when I started getting into trouble in school. The fights were me defending my dad because he wasn't a dead beat. He got locked up because he tried to protect me. He had two jobs to support me and her habit. He didn't want to leave her. He couldn't just leave his wife and let her be consumed, what kind of a husband would he have been? So we stayed. I like to think that if he could do it all over again he'd take me out of there. Get me as far away from her as possible, just pack up our shit and go.

But he didn't and now I'm here, waiting, trying to find out if the man who called really is the one who I've wanted back for so long. It's wicked obvious that I have daddy issues. My relationship with the Mayor was very father-daughter. Around that time I felt abandoned. My mom was an abusive drunk, then my watcher found me and then my mom died, leaving me alone, except for my watcher. Then she died, leaving me here all alone. I hung around Boston for a while, hoping he would get out and we could be a family again, but it didn't happen. And then everything with Kakistos went down and I had to get my ass to Sunnydale.

Over the years I guess I thought if he got out somehow he'd find me. But he didn't, and then the murder happened and I had to turn somewhere. The Mayor was my best choice because he treated me like my dad used to. Like a princess. But then everything went to hell in a handbasket. And here I am, sitting here, trying not to think about all that shit. But it's all swirling around and I can't make it stop. I can't stop thinking about what happened that night back in South Boston, the night I went to the Mayor for help, the day I became a mother.

B thinks I treated Mattie so well, thinks I rushed around like a chicken with its head cut off because I was trying to make up for what my mother did to me. But that's not why. I was trying to be as good as my dad. Every time I was faced with a problem I was always ask myself 'what would my dad do?' and sometimes I could come up with a solution. But I haven't seen him in so damn long. I don't know what he's like anymore. It would be stupid to think that he's still the same as he was back then. I'm completely different. I'm not the little princess who idolized him.

Can we have a relationship? Can we look passed everything that's happened in the last twenty-two years and just be father-daughter again? Will he want that after I tell him everything I've done? Will he accept me for who I am? Not just the fact that I've killed a man with my hands, that I tried to kill others, but the fact that I'm in love with another woman? I was so little when before he went away the issue never came up. Will he hate me? Will he be able to accept the face that I'm head over heels in love with Buffy and we have this whole life together including kids? Will he think they're evil because their parents are gay?

Will he be able to except me as a slayer? Will he think I'm crazy? Will he run the other way when I take him to a cemetery and show him that vampires and demons really do exist? Because if I'm going to get a fresh start with my dad then I want him to know everything. I don't want to hide anything. I need him to be able to love me for me and not judge or criticize what I've become. Unconditional love, that's what I'm looking for. That's what I want from him. Am I going to get it, or will this just be another disappointment?

I watch as a car pulls into the parking lot of the motel and a man with dark brown hair, about six foot three inches tall, wearing a leather jacket dark jeans steps out of a beat up car that looks like it shoulda been demolished years ago. He pulls a key out of his pocket and goes into room 115. I sigh and start the engine of my car. I feel the steering wheel vibrate as it comes to life and waits for me to make my move.

I press down on the clutch and shift the gear to drive. Should I go over there and confront him or should I just go home and wait to see if he calls again? I tap my thumbs against the black leather of the wheel as I try to decide. It's now or never, stay or go, hit or miss. The ball is in my court, what am I going to do with it? I ease my car forward until the front is on the edge of the road. I can either go straight and park in the motel parking lot and go find out if that's really my dad or I can turn left and go back to Lincoln and wait for him to make his move.

But he already made his move, he called me, gave B the phone number of the place he's staying. It's all up to me now whether I like it or not. If I go home now he might give up. He might think I don't want to talk to him, like I hate him or something. Like I think he abandoned me. But I don't feel like that. I guess now I have to do what he did, I have to make a move, make a choice. I've never had the best decision making skills, you know it, I know it, everybody knows it. I chew on my bottom lip as I look both ways down the street and ease my car out onto the asphalt. With my mind made up I pull into the motel 6 parking lot praying not to be disappointed yet again.

BPOV

I look up at the clock like I did three seconds ago, and the three seconds before that, and the three seconds before that. Faith's been gone all damn day. She said she had a couple errands to run after her classes but she said she would be back before dark. It's ten o' clock, the sun went down forty-five minutes ago. And I'm just sitting here, staring at the clock on the wall thinking about all of the horrible things that could have happened to her.

Car accident, that's possible. She drives like a mental patient in that damn Camaro. Demon attack, there are plenty of demons around here that could have taken her out, and Faith would put her life on the line to save an innocent. She's like that now, it's kind of annoying. Her car could've gotten a flat and she could've been changing the tire and some lunatic could have come up behind her and killed her, or kidnaped her and now she's tied up in some dark, smelly basement while he goes over his plants on a dirty wooden table. I think I've seen one too many horror movies.

Yeah, I've been a little insecure lately because of the hormones, but I know Faith wouldn't cheat on me. Not in my right mind at least. But the hormones aren't taking over my brain, so I know she isn't out getting fucked while I'm sitting here with my thumb figuratively shoved up my ass. I've called her cell phone a few times but there's been no answer all fifteen times. And she hasn't called back yet. I pick up the phone that's been sitting next to me for the last hour and I dial her number again. It rings ten times and goes to her voicemail.

'Thank you for calling the CDC we're up to our asses in diseases so please leave your name, number and list of symptoms and we'll get back to you as soon as possible'. Why does she always have to be such a smart ass? What's wrong with just saying: 'You've reached Faith, I can't come to the phone right now so leave a message and I'll call back as soon as I can'? There's nothing wrong with it, that's what. I leave another message and hang up the phone. Where is she? What is she doing? She's too far out of range for my slayer senses to reach her, which means she isn't in Lincoln anymore. This town isn't very big, a little smaller then Sunnydale was, so we can feel each other whenever we are. But I can't feel her, so she's either dead or she's out of the city limits.

I look down at the mass of brown hair in my lap and then over at the other mass of brown hair on the couch. The kids refused to go to bed. They said they weren't going to bed until their mama was here to tuck them in. Addison fell asleep in my lap about half an hour ago, and Matthew's staring at the ceiling. They're both in their pajamas and they've both had their baths. I couldn't put everything on hold just because Faith was a little late. Because when dinner rolled around and the after dinner baths she was only a little late, and she said she would be. But she's not just a little late anymore. She's really late and I'm starting to get really freaked out.

"Here," I say and hand the phone to Matthew. I carefully pick Addison up and hold her against me. "Come get me if she calls, ok?" He nods his head yes and I take my little girl to her bedroom. I pull back the covers and gently lay her down. She moves around a little and mumbles something about kittens on her birthday but then she quiets down. I cover her up and leave a little kiss on her forehead. "Sweet dreams, angel girl." I give her another kiss on the forehead and go back out to the living room.

"Where did she say she was goin?" Matthew asks as I sit down on the couch next to him. He's sitting up now, when I left he was lying down and staring up at the ceiling. I rest my head against the back of the couch and close my eyes. I'm getting a really bad headache. I've never been good at the worrying thing. It always gives me a headache.

"School, and then she was going to buy something for Addison's birthday because it's on sale. She said she had some other errands to run but she didn't tell me what." I asked but she said that she just had some other stuff to take care of and she might be home a little late, but she'd be back before dark. But she's not and I can't help but worry. I can't just sit here and do nothing. I have to do something, anything. I need to find her. I need to make sure she's ok. She could be lying in a ditch with a bleeding head wound and I'm just sitting here doing nothing. I get up and pick my cell phone up off the side table and stuff it in my pocket. "Matthew, watch your sister, have Mama call me if she gets back before me ok?" He jumps off the couch and stands in front of the door.

"You can't leave. Mama said you cant patrol anymore, that it could hurt the baby. You can't go." He looks so determined and normally I would be proud because he's doing the right thing. But he's standing in my way and he needs to move.

"Get out of my way, Matthew." I'm using my stern voice. The one he always listens to. Up until now that is. He isn't moving, he's just staring at me, his dark eyes are as hard as rocks. I walk up to him and look down at him. I try to make myself seem taller, more intimidating but it's not working. He's not afraid of me, when did that happen? He's always listened to me before. Usually. "Matthew James Lehane, you get out of my way right now." My voice is as hard as steel and as cold as ice but he doesn't even blink.

"No," he says, his voice just as hard as mine. "Mama said you can't leave after dark and you said ok. You can't just take that back. The baby could get hurt, you could get hurt. You can't leave." Why does everyone think I'm a fucking china doll just because I have a baby growing inside me? This is getting ridiculous. He's not allowed to talk to me this way. He's the kid, I'm the parent, he's supposed to listen to me. I'm about to use physical force to make him move but thank God the front door opens and Faith's standing on the other side of it. She looks a little surprised and confused seeing me and Matthew standing here.

"Thank God," I say and walk passed Matthew and wrap my arms around her. She hugs me back and I can't help but cry a little bit. The hormones are starting to get the better of me. "Where were you? You said you'd be home before dark." I bury my face in her neck and some tears leak out. I leave a couple of kisses on her soft skin but she doesn't respond to them. That's weird. Her neck has always been very sensitive and a good place to get a reaction.

"Sorry about that. I sorta lost track of time." I just noticed something. She smells like alcohol. Like cheap beer. I pull back from the hug and look into her eyes. She sighs and looks down at Matthew. She kneels down and wraps her arms around him and pulls him into a big hug. She pulls back and gives him a kiss on his forehead. This is all a little weird. "Go to bed, alright?" He nods his head and walks off to his bedroom. She stands up and closes the door and walks into the living room without saying another word. What the hell? I walk into the living room and she's sitting on the couch, her head is leaning against the back of the couch, and she's rubbing her forehead with the fingers on her right hand. I can't tell if her eyes are closed or not.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" I ask and sit down at the other end of the couch. I don't mean to sound suspicious but insecurities and pregnancy hormones don't mix too well. "Who were you with tonight, Faith?" She sighs covers her face up with her hands and takes in a deep breath and holds it. "Did you...I mean, that guy who called last night...did you go see him?" I've been trying to ignore the thought of her having an affair with the mystery man but with the hormones and the insecurities it's hard not to.

"Yeah, I did." Oh my God. I can't look at her anymore. I just...can't. I look down at my lap instead. I see a tear fall from my eyes and land on my jeans forming a little dark spot. She lets out a little laugh. Oh I'm glad she thinks adultery is funny, at least one of us isn't all broken up about it, that was sarcastic. "It's my dad, B. Don't be thinkin I'm cheating on you, 'cause I'm not. That's just your hormones messin with you. I'd never do somethin like that." Thank God. I feel like a weights been lifted off of me and I can breathe again. Wait...did she say her 'dad'?

"What? You're dad? But I thought..." What did I think? She's never talked about her dad, ever. I got her to open up about her mom but the one time I asked about her dad she didn't talk to me for three days and I never asked her about it since. I just assumed he died or something. Or maybe he took off. "I mean, you never talked about him...I thought maybe he was dead." She lets out another laugh and lays down on the couch, her head in my lap.

"Nah, it's not like that baby," she says, her voice is a little slurred and she sounds tired. "He got locked up when I was little and by the time he got out I was in Sunnydale and he couldn't find me. He tried finding me, hired a private eye and everything but he couldn't afford it so he had to stop. He was gonna come see me in prison when he found out I was locked up but he got there too late, I was already on the lamb and helping you and the scoobs fight the first." She leans up and tilts her head back and softly kisses my stomach. Then she puts her head back on my thighs and looks up at me.

"Wanna know how he found me?" I nod my head yes. "'Member when I saved that little girl a couple weeks ago? Ya know, from that big dog demon thing?" Again I nod. "Well, I guess my name got put in the papers for it, an article about me bein' a hero or somethin and he Googled my name and saw the article. He used all the money he saved up over the years to fly out from Boston just to find me. I almost didn't go. I sat across the street from the motel for two hours and I almost chickened out. That woulda sucked." She giggles a little and then hiccups.

"He's gonna meet us at PJ's tomorrow for lunch, so we can't be late." Her eyelids are getting heavy and her voice is getting quiet and her words are being dragged out. I hate it when she drinks. Couldn't they have just gone out for a meal or something and have a nice cold soda? "Said he was sorry for everything, said he was gonna make it up to me. Said he's gonna move here if I want him to." Wow. My dad never did anything like that for me. I still haven't talked to him and it's been how many years?

"Said he wants to meet you and our babies. Said he wants to be a good grandpa." She's almost asleep now. I help her stand up and she leans on me as I lead her to the bedroom. I help her change into some pajamas and by the time I shut out the lights she's asleep. Out of all the thoughts that were running wild through my mind, this scenario never made it through. I just hope I make a good first impression. This seems really important to Faith and I don't want to screw it up. But if the man has been looking for her for all these years and used all of his savings to fly out here I don't think he's gonna let little ol' me stand in his way of having a relationship with her. At least it doesn't sound like it. I sigh and close my eyes. I just hope the kids are on their best behavior.


	27. PJ's Diner

**The Next Day.** BPOV

Faith woke up with a little bit of a hangover but she got over it pretty quick. We have to be at PJ's in about an hour. We haven't told the kids exactly who they're going to be meeting, just that he's really important and they have to be good or they'll be in a lot of trouble. I still haven't told Faith about Mattie beating up that kid yesterday. I figured she has enough stress at the moment, why add more to it? I talked with Matthew a little about it this morning before Faith woke up and I explained that standing up for Addison is a good thing and I'm glad he did it but that level of violence against a human being can't be done. I think we're going to start focusing his training a little more on control and holding back when he has to.

We've been training him more and more over the last couple years, well year and a half actually. Xander and his family came out for a visit and while they were here he and Faith built a training room at the very back of our backyard. It's ok sized. I thought it was going to be a little bigger, but whatever. It has two rooms, the really big training area with the different equipment and blue gym mats, and a smaller room that has crosses all over the walls. Faith explained that when the kids are old enough and are ready for 'live prey' we're going to bring back a newbie vamp and let them practice. She didn't tell me that before she built the room. I'm not too sure how I feel about it but we'll deal with it when we have to.

"Mommy, will you braid my hair?" Addison asks as I wash her back with the loofah. Matthew's had his bath already because he doesn't take as long to wash up as it does to clean Addison. Mostly because she's like all little kids and she likes to play while she takes a bath. That and she wants to wash herself but since she's still little she doesn't do a very good job, not her fault, so I always have to go back and do it again and it takes up time. So this morning I convinced her to just let me wash her.

"Yeah, sweetie, after you get out of the tub and get dressed." She groans because she wanted me to do it right now. "Addison, lose the 'tude." She sighs and washes her feet with the washrag that she usually plays with. She has bath toys and stuff. Faith went out and bought like ten rubber duckies, but she likes the rag, don't ask me why 'cause I have no idea.

"Who are we gonna go see?" She's been asking about it ever since I told her we were meeting someone at the diner. Matthew hasn't questioned it too much but he knows something's up. It's little Addison here who's been asking about it every five minutes or so. Even thought I keep telling her the same thing she still asks about it. She's way smarter then people realize. Just because she's little it doesn't mean she's moronic. She's pretty sharp and can usually pick up when people only tell her half-truths. I say usually because sometimes she either doesn't pick up on it or doesn't care enough to want to find out.

"An old friend of Mama's that she hasn't seen in a really long time." That's what I've been telling her for the last three hours. And every time she just nods her head and goes back to what she's doing. "Ok, lean back." She leans her head back and I use the large plastic cup to wet her hair. I put some of the shampoo in my hand first but she says that it's really cold right out of the bottle. Ok, now for a talk I've kind of been holding off for the last couple of weeks because it's taken me that long to convince Faith it's a good idea. And trust me when I say I really did need her to agree with me. If I went behind her back with this she'd probably give me the silent treatment for a month.

"You're getting to be a very big girl, you know." She nods her head and uses the rag to wash her hands and arms as I lather up her hair. "And in a couple years you're gonna be in kindergarten." She looks up at me for a second and then washes her chest and belly. "Lean back." She closes her eyes and leans her head back and I rinse out the shampoo and start working on the cream rinse. "But you can go to school before kindergarten, ya know." She gives me a weird look like 'what the hell are you talking about?'

"You mean daycare?" Well, that was unexpected. Where did she hear about daycare? We've never talked about it in front of her before. And yeah I think daycare is a good idea. It's not like I don't want my kid around all day it's just, well if she's in daycare then maybe I can take some classes at the community college now instead of waiting until she's in kindergarten. It would just move things along a little faster. And the fast I get my degree the fast I can open up my own place and the faster we'll be financially independent from Giles. He spent a small fortune on the wedding and honeymoon and I feel guilty.

"Yeah, daycare. So, what do you think? I mean it sounds nice, doesn't it? You get to go to a place with other kids your age and learn a lot of really cool things." Ok, well I don't know if that's true but I'm sure it is. "And you'll be home a little bit before Matthew so you'll still get to greet him when he gets home from school." She's always made a big deal about him coming home, even when she was really little.

"I know, Mama already talked to me about it." What the fuck? When did Faith talk to Addison about daycare? Faith hated the idea and it took me so damn long to convince her that it'd be a good thing. Besides, with Faith in school it's not like she's around Addison all day long and Faith could pick Addison up when she gets out of school. Five o' clock is the deadline when the kids need to be picked up from the daycare, and we can work out a special schedule, I've already talked to the people at the daycare about it.

"She did?" She nods her head yes. "Lean back." She closes her eyes and leans her head back and I rinse out the conditioner. "So, do you want to go or do you want to stay home with me all day?" I do want to leave it up to her a little bit. If she doesn't want to go then I'm not going to make her. We didn't put Matthew in daycare and I don't think it would be very fair to her if we made her go. I can put my plans on hold for a little while if I have to.

"I dunno. Mama said if I wanted to I could go there for a couple days and if I don't like it I don't haffta go back." Hmm, that sounds like a good plan, why didn't I think of that? We finish with her bath and I help her out of the tub and dry her off with the towel. While her hair is still kind of damp I french braid it. She looks so damn adorable with a french braid. She puts on a light purple dress and her pink sandals. I've learned my lesson from when Matthew was a baby and have learned a very important word when it comes to kids' shoes: Velcro. It's so much faster and easier when you're in a hurry. She has other shoes that have laces but she wants to wear these and I'm glad 'cause I still need to get ready.

After Faith took half a bottle of aspirin and drank about a gallon of water her hangover slowly went away and she was ready in half an hour. She's not dressing as…sexy as she normally would. Just some simple jeans that aren't as tight as her others, and a black tank top with a big red heart that's cracked at the top and at the bottom there's a little bit of blood dripping off of it and under it are the words 'Heart Breaker' in dark red. She's been fussing over her hair for a while but only because she's so damn nervous. She's trying not to act like it but every ten minutes or so she'll walk to a mirror and run her fingers through her hair to try and make it look perfect, which it is

Matthew's dressed in his normal attire: blue jeans and a plain t-shirt. Today's color is navy blue. He doesn't like shirts with any kind of writing or print on them anymore, I think it's because it makes shopping for him so much faster. All he has to do is find his size and pick out two or three of each color and he's done. He has some Vanz shoes that we bought about a month ago because his other ones were starting to fall apart. And these are just some plain black shoes so they go with everything. Very simple.

I'm glad Addison doesn't like dressing simple 'cause I like dressing her up. Making her look very girly. What can I say? I've always wanted a little girl to play dress up with. She's like a walking, talking Barbie, only with a brain and without the eating disorder and the need to be almost every career the world has to offer. Ok, enough babbling, I still need to get ready.

FPOV

And we're on our way. We're going to be a couple minutes early but that's what I wanted. I told B we have to be at PJ's at noon when we're really supposed to be there are twelve thirty, it's almost twelve seventeen so we're doing pretty good. It's not that B's slow or anything when it comes to getting ready but…well…ok she is. But only 'cause she's nervous. She wants to make a good impression and that involves a good outfit. She changed ten times and spent twenty minutes picking out the right shoes and then found the perfect shoes and changed her outfit one more time.

But I can't complain. I changed shirts fifteen times, spent thirty minutes debating whether or not I should put my hair in a ponytail or not and changed my shoes three times. I don't know why I did that because I'm wearing the ones I put on the first time. My steel toed boots. They go great with these pants, gotta love 'em. I tried not to dress like I normally do. I mean, this is my dad, me dressing up really sexy to try and impress him would be creepy and wrong on so many levels. So I'm keeping it simple: my dark blue jeans that aren't as tight as the rest, my black Heart Breaker tank top, and my boots. My make-up is lighter then normal and I am wearing a bra today. When you're rushing to get somewhere on time sometimes you forget to put one on.

I pull into the parking lot and B starts yellin at Addy for sayin something mean to Mattie or something like that. I haven't been paying attention. All I can think about is my dad. How is this meeting going to go? Will the kids act up? Will he be proud of me when he sees the life I have? When he sees that I have a happy family, which is what he's always wanted. I've always wanted one too but that's why he married my mom, mostly, I think.

They were right outta high school, just nineteen, she was eighteen, and they got hitched. They'd been dating for two years and figured if they could make it work that long then they'd could make it work forever. And well, it worked out in the beginning, but when I was born things got stressful. Too stressful for my mom to handle and she started drinking. My dad took care of me, and after a while, when I got older and more independent, she didn't really have a reason to drink anymore, but she was an alcoholic, she couldn't stop. He tried getting her help, tried to fix everything so he could have that happy family he always dreamed of, but it wasn't any good. She didn't want to quit and you can't help someone if they don't want the help, I know that first hand.

"Ok, now remember what I told you two?" I ask them as they start to get out of the car. It's Addy who speaks up first. Not that Mattie doesn't remember or want to answer but she seems to want the spotlight all the time and will do almost anything to get it.

"If we're good we get to stay up all night and eat as much ice cream we want." Yeah, she's really excited about that. B gives me the evil eye and unhooks Addy from her car seat and Mattie gets out of the car. There's nothing wrong with bribery when you really want something to go your way. The reason B's giving me the evil eye is because I don't go back on my promises. So if they are really good I will let them stay up all night and eat all the ice cream their little tummies can handle. Did I really just use the word 'tummies'? I think I need to go to Vegas for a little 'grown up time'. B can tag along, and we'll hit a couple strip clubs. We've talked about it, but I don't think she was serious.

Ok, I've gotten off track here. I lock up the car and we go inside. We've been to this place over a hundred times at least. Everyone here knows us by name and we've memorized the schedules of the waiters and waitresses. On Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays Melissa and Lauren work from opening until closing. Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays Danny works from opening until three and then Stephanie comes in and works from three until closing. Sundays are always really slow for some reason so Sheri handles it by herself. There are only two cooks, PJ Daniels and his son Ian. Best damn cooks on the planet, no joke. Anyway, we sit down in the booth we always sit in. The one closet to the door and right by the window. Then Danny walks up to us with the little order pad and pen already out.

"What can I get our favorite customers this afternoon?" he asks and smiles wide. All of the people here like us a lot, probably 'cause we're pretty big tippers. No matter how much the bill is we always leave twenty bucks. We don't need menus anymore since we've memorized the entire thing. Addy always orders the chicken strips with fries and extra ketchup and a kid's sized Coke, Mattie gets a burger with curly fries and an orange soda, I get a double decker burger with extra everything and fries and a large Coke. B's usually changes 'cause of the pregnancy and today she's craving two cheeseburgers with onion rings and a vanilla milkshake. When I made the plans with my dad yesterday he said that if we get here before him to go ahead and order. And if we try to make the kids wait they'll get restless, and when they get restless they turn into hellspawn. Not literally, but you get what I mean.

Danny writes down our orders and says it'll be ready in a bit. There aren't too many people here today. Only seven, normally on Saturdays it's packed but they always keep our table reserved because we come in here a lot and they never know exactly what day. And after all we are their favorite customers. Especially ever since they found out B's pregnant. They give her free food all the time, mostly ice cream, but we all get that for free thanks to her. We've been coming in here for a long time now, almost two years, they've practically seen Addy grow up, they can't believe how big Mattie's getting, and they all can't wait to see B's belly grow. What can I say? These people are like an extended family, as stupid as that sounds.

I sigh and look out the window. He should be here any minute now and I'm nervous as hell. Our talk yesterday didn't go exactly as I planned. I was nervous then and also a little angry. I didn't want to admit it, didn't want to blame him because it wasn't his fault, but I was pissed that he was gone. He left and I was all alone. I didn't want to admit it, guess I thought I'd be this horrible person if I thought that way. But when he opened the door and I looked up into those dark eyes I couldn't help but feel it. The anger, the pain, the sadness, the fear, the abandonment. It was all there and I couldn't make it go away.

I asked him if his name was Christopher Nathaniel Lehane and he said yes in a very…gruff voice. I looked at his neck really close and I saw a scar and I had to look away. I don't know when it happened, obviously, but somehow his throat had been slit, not deep enough to kill him, just deep enough to mess up his voice. Enough to make it so I didn't recognize it anymore. I asked him if he knew who I am and he said, "Yes, you're my baby girl." And he stepped back and I walked into his room and he closed the door.

I asked him why now? Why did you show up now? And he explained about getting out of prison and me being gone. He said he went to every hospital in Massachusetts but he didn't find a death certificate for a Faith I. Lehane, said he almost cried with relief. He said he asked around the neighborhood, some of his old friends who he knew were keeping an eye on me. They just knew that my mom died and some woman took me in and something happened to her and I took off and no one heard about me since. He told me he got two jobs to save up and hire a private detective and the guy kept lookin for a little over a year until my dad couldn't afford him anymore.

He said he had no other choice but to stop looking. He couldn't afford to leave the state that he didn't have a car or anything. He told me every Saturday he'd go to the public library and use their computers to Google my name. He did that for a while until he got word from one of his connections he made in prison about a Faith Lehane that got locked up out in California. He said he saved up enough cash to get him a plane ticket but by the time he got there I was missing, I had broken out and no one could find me, not that they were lookin too hard what with everything that was goin on.

He said he stayed in LA for a while until he had to go back to Boston 'cause he had to pay his rent and all that shit. But he kept lookin, every Saturday he'd Google my name until he finally found that article. By the time he found it he had boughten a car, a piece of shit but it runs. He pulled all of his money out of the bank and drove all the way across the country just to find me. He's been in Vegas for five days. He said once he got here he realized he had no fuckin clue has how to approach me (his words not mine). He didn't know if I'd want to see him or not, or if I'd even remember him. So he stayed at the motel mostly, by the phone with the piece of paper with my phone number and home address written down on it. Then he finally got up the courage to call and I wasn't even there, but he left a message.

I asked him what he wanted to know. If here was anything he wanted to ask me. He said there were billions of things he wanted to ask, and wanted to say. But we started simple. He asked about what happened from the night he left up until my mom died. So I told him, all of it. Every beating, every angry word. All about me becoming a slayer and my watcher finding me and then my mom dying. His friends got that part wrong, 'cause my mom didn't die until after I moved in with my watcher. I told him about the destiny, and how I flung myself into it. He didn't believe me right away, not until I took him to a cemetery and showed him.

He was a little…freaked at first. Then we went back to the motel and he pulled out a couple of beers from a little mini fridge he bought. I vaguely told him about the boys, about the way my body responds to the slaying. And let me tell you that was awkward. Then I told him about my watcher being killed and me runnin off to Sunnydale. And everything that happened after that. He was a little…shocked. He didn't say anything until after he finished his beer. And all he said was, "But you're better?" And I told him, "More then better." And I told him all about Buffy and the kids. He said he wants to meet them, if it's ok with me. And I told him about the plans to go to PJ's. He said he'd be there and he said that I better get home to my family before they start to worry about me.

And now here I am, staring out the window of the diner and barely listening to my kids argue over which is better: regular fries or curly. I haven't touched my food yet because I'm too nervous. He hasn't given me a reason to think he won't show up, but then he hasn't really given me a reason to think he won't run off. I mean, what if all of this is too much. What if it was just the beer talking and he doesn't want to see me after all? But I guess I'm freaking out for nothing because I can see his car pulling into the parking lot. I inhale a deep breath and hold it for a little bit until I see him get out of the car and walk towards the door. Well, here goes nothing. I just hope the kids behave.

BPOV

I glance out the window when I hear Faith suckin a deep breath. She hasn't touched her food yet, which is something to worry about. I see a beat up old car, rusted and loud because of the bad muffler, pull into the parking lot. I guess that must be him. He parks the car in front of the building and shuts off the loud engine and gets out. He's tall, six foot four maybe. He's wearing a leather jacket that looks a little warn, and dark jeans and a black shirt. His hair is dark brown and he has a buzz cut. He looks young for his age though. I'd guess he was forty-five but he's really fifty-one.

Faith looks like she's about to piss herself. I get why she's scared though, a little. I can't speak from experience or anything but I can imagine what it's like. I glance over at my babies as they fight over which is better: regular or curly fries. I swear these two fight over the dumbest stuff. I tell them to be quiet and remind them about the deal they made with Faith and they quiet down. I hear the little jiggle of the bell as the door opens and in walks Christopher. He looks a lot taller up close then he did out there and I subconsciously move a little closer to my kids. Mother's instinct I guess: protect from all things big and unknown. And this man is both of those.

He looks around the room and smile when he sees me and the kids. He's never seen us, obviously, so he doesn't recognize us but he's giving us that look that strangers usually do, the 'aww, look at the woman and her cute kids'. I get that look a lot out in public. Well, unless one of the kids is acting up, then it's 'God, look at that woman and her brats, why doesn't she just take them home?' I glance over at Faith when she turns around in her seat and she locks eyes with him. She stands up and he smiles a big smile and walks up to her. They hug for a few seconds and he steps back and looks at me and the kids and then at Faith.

"Buffy, this is my dad Chris. Dad, this my wife Buffy." It's really weird to hear her say that. Not the word itself but the sound of her voice. She's not used to saying it and it's making her a little uncomfortable, almost like she doesn't believe this is happening. He holds out his hand and I shake it for a few seconds. He has really calloused hands. From the little that Faith told me about him this morning he 'worked harder then a dog all his life'. And I know he's been to prison and they don't have the best weights there and I'm sure they don't get to use the tape to protect your hands.

"Nice to meet you," he says in a horse voice. I tell him 'nice to meet you too' and they sit down, Faith on the outside because she's a slayer and it's slayer instinct to be on the isle seat of anything. "So, who are these two little rugrats?" he makes his voice a little rougher and a little louder on purpose and he looks over at me and winks. He's trying to freak them out a little. Well, this should be interesting. Matthew eyes him up and down a little and he's tense, really tense. But he olds out his hand for Chris to shake.

"I'm Matt," he says in a very serious tone. Now that there's another male present he's going to act very serious and 'grown up'. He's always been like that. Then Addison sticks out her as far as she can 'cause her arms are shorter then Matthew's, and in a very enthusiastic tone she says,

"My name's Addison. What happened to your neck?" I glance at Chris' throat and I see a scar, probably from a glass bottle. Ah, so that's why his voice is so…rough. I can't help but get a little nervous. Was it bad that she asked that? Does he not want to talk about it? I glance at Faith and she looks a little nervous too, but hers is a different kind of nervous. She's nervous because she knows the answer and she knows our little girl shouldn't hear it. Chris lets out a little laugh and shakes Matthew's hand first and then Addison's.

"Nice to meet you both. And you really wanna know where I got this from?" he asks and points to his neck. He asked the question in a very hushed tone, like the answer is some big secret or something. Both of the kids nod their heads vigorously, like they're just dying to know the answer. I tense up a little bit and take in a deep breath. Chris looks over at me and winks again and for some reason it calms me down. He leans in real close to them so he can talk lower.

"One day I was workin at the factory, like I did everyday, and I was at my station, mindin my own business when this really pretty girl walks by, the fourth pretties girl in the world…" He looks into Addison's eyes. "After you and your moms." She blushes and smiles really big at him. Oh yeah, she's really gonna love him. "So, anyhow, I looked up and watched her leave." Probably lookin at her ass. Faith does the same thing, and I'm sure almost every guy on the planet does. "And because I'm too busy lookin at this girl I'm not paying attention to what I'm supposed to be doing and the piece of metal I'm supposed to be cuttin hits the saw wrong and a little piece comes flyin up and cuts me." He drags the back of his thumb across his throat, across the scar. "Right across the throat." The kids don't say anything for a few seconds but I know it's coming. It always starts with Addison and they go back and forth like a ball at a tennis match.

"Did it hurt?"

"Was there a lot of blood?"

"Did you faint?"

"Did you almost die?"

"Who took you to the doctor?"

"Is that why your voice is messed up?"

"My mommy cut her hand with a big knife a couple days ago and she cried. But she cries a lot 'cause of the baby in her belly." Ok, she so didn't need to tell him that. He looks over at me and tries to glance down at my stomach but the table is too tall. He just laughs a little, like he did before and looks back and forth between the both of them.

"Well aren't you two a hoot and a half?" I smile and look over at Faith and she's doing everything in her power to avoid looking at me. Now she's working on her food, chewing really slow like she's tasting the best thing in the world. Addison starts eating her food again but Matthew's looking at Chris with this suspicious look on his face. Oh no, here we go. I was wondering how long it would take until the interrogation started.

"If you're really my mama's dad, why haven't we met you before?" I can tell Faith wants to say something to him but she's keeping quiet. Instead she glances over at her dad to see how he's going to handle this. I am too. Faith holds her breath while she waits for the answer. Chris laces his fingers together on top of the table and looks my boy right in the eyes.

"Me and your mama's mom got inna fight, cops came and took me away. When I got out of jail your mama had moved away and I didn't know where she was until a couple weeks ago." He looks over at Faith and gets this proud smile on his face and then looks back at Matthew. "I looked her name up on a computer and found somethin, a newspaper article, sayin how she's a hero because she saved a little girl from a wild dog." Wild dog my ass, that was a demon and Faith and I both know it. But it got away and we haven't seen it since.

"Oh that wasn't a doggy, that was a demon." Fuck, I can't believe Addison said that. Wait…I can't that back. I'm surprised she waited this long to say something about demons. "But you can't tell anybody, 'cause it's a secret." My daughter ladies and gentlemen. Faith laughs a little and takes a big bite of her burger to cover it up.

"What she meant was-" I start to say but Chris interrupts me. Oh yeah, that definitely is a genetic thing after all. And all this time I thought Faith had no manners.

"It's alright, Faith already told me about all that stuff." I sigh in relief and keep eating my lunch. Danny comes by again and Chris orders some food and when Danny leaves he says, "Somethin about it is buggin me though." Both me and Faith look at him in anticipation. "If there are so many slayers out there now how come the whole world doesn't know about it?" Oh, well this is an easy one.

"Confidentially clause. All of 'em have to sign it," Faith says. "Only their families can know. If they tell anyone else and then the person's memory of it is erased, if it happens again the girl will get her powers taken away." Remember that drug Giles used on me for that stupid test on my eighteenth birthday? Well he came up with something like that only a little stronger. Stronger as in one syringe full lasts forever. Only Giles knows the recipe to it and only the scoobies, and Faith, knows about it. Well, and now her dad and our two kids.

"So the only thing keepin these girls from shoutin it out to the whole world is a piece of paper?" We nod our heads yes. It is flawed and we've had a couple of bad things happen from some freaked out girls but that was only in the beginning. We haven't had one of those bad things happen in…well I don't know exactly how long but a really long time. "Hmm," he says and takes the plate from Danny and thanks him. He waits until Danny's out of earshot. "Doesn't seem like it'd work but hey, who am I to judge?" And he takes a large bite of his turkey sandwich. I smile a little. I think I can see myself liking this guy in a very father-in-law sort of way. But we'll just have to see and find out. I mean, I just met the guy and being a slayer has taught me not to trust very easy. I hope Faith remembers that too.

FPOV

Things are going way better then I thought they would. The kids have been angels, B is still a little weary of him but that's ok. She's always like that around people she's just met when they're around the kids. But my dad won't do anything to try and hurt them. At least I'm pretty sure he won't. He'd be crazy to try, especially knowin about me bein' a slayer and all of the power I have. But let's not think about that, alright? I'd like to think positively 'cause this is going really good, and hopefully it'll stay this way. I laugh at the story he's tellin, like everyone else does. He's talkin about the time I got stuck up a tree when I was five.

"It took half the fire department and a bag a gummy worms to get her down." Buffy and Mattie laugh again and Addy laughs just because they're laughing but she doesn't really know why it's funny. B gives me this look and I do everything in my power not to look into her eyes. I know she's gonna give me shit about that later.

"Ok, how about me not tell embarrassing stories from my childhood, ok?" I ask and sink down a little in my chair and take a drink of my Coke. B gives me that look again. Huh, there're bubbles from the carbonation. Why does carbonation cause bubbles? And what is carbonation anyway? Just more of life's little mysteries.

"Dolly-face, that was nothin." I look up at him and my eyes water up a little. Dolly-face, that was his nickname for me when I was little. I guess it still is. "I gotta couple that'll make your ears burst you'll be so embarrassed if I say 'em." Ok, so don't. But B isn't just gonna let it go. She sits up a little straighter in her seat and raises an eyebrow.

"Oh? Do tell," she says and takes a long drink of her milkshake. Dad takes a sip of his Dr. Pepper and puts the glass back down and leans forward a little bit. That's one thing I've noticed about him, when he eats or dinks somethin he won't let his arms touch the table but when he's goes to tell a story he'll lean on his forearms. Just an observation, nothin big or anything.

"Alright, but don't blame me when she gets mad." He gives B a little wink and then goes into 'story mode'. His voice is always a little lower, and his tone deeper when he tells a story, and he's told at least five so far. All about me and embarrassing moments of my childhood. "It's Saturday and I have the day off, which is rare 'cause I was workin two jobs at the time. Faith was…three, maybe four, and she was learnin how to wipe herself after she uses the bathroom." I was too young for me to remember what he's talking about, but I think he's told me this story before when I was like seven or eight. Please, don't let it be that story. "And it's about two in the afternoon, Lorie, Faith's mom, was out at the grocery store and I was watchin T.V. when I hear a knock on the door." Please no. "I grumble a little to myself a little and get up to answer it and there's five Jehovah's witnesses standin on the doorstep." Please God, kill me now just don't let him finish this story.

"So I invite 'em in 'cause it was hot out and they looked like they needed a cold drink." I stare down at my plate and I can feel his eyes on me for a few seconds before he looks at B again. Oh she is so gonna pay for askin him to tell another story. "So I get 'em some water and they're sittin on the couch, I'm in my recliner, and while they're talkin about their religion and all it has to offer I notice that it's really quiet in the house 'cept for the guy talkin, 'cause I turned off the T.V. when we first went inside." I can feel my neck start to burn as I blush crimson. "And after a couple minutes I hear these little footsteps walkin down the hall and Faith into the living room, stark-naked, and in front of all these people turns around and bends over and spreads her butt cheeks and says 'is my butt clean yet?'"

I think I just heard something pop. Oh, that was all of my self-esteem popping like a balloon when you stab it with somethin sharp. B and the kids start laughin so hard I think everyone else in the diner is starin at us. I scrunch down really low and try to hide my face without it seeming obvious but that's impossible. I just keep lookin down 'cause I know what I'm gonna see if I look up and it's gonna be Buffy with a very teasing look in her eyes. I really wish he hadn't told that story because now that B knows it she's never gonna let me live it down.

"And those people, bless their hearts, were tryin so hard not to laugh. I thought I was gonna die right there I was so embarrassed." You may be wondering why my dad talks he way he does? Well, if not I'll explain it anyway. He lives in Boston now but he didn't move there until he was fourteen. He lived in Missouri most of his life until his mom and dad got a divorce and his mom moved him there to live with her sister while she got her life together. And he met my mom and they fell in love. And all of those years of living in Boston haven't changed the way he talks, he doesn't have much of an accent, never has, but the phrases and stuff haven't changed. And that's why I went to Missouri when I first became a slayer. I wasn't there just to kill that big daddy vampire, I was lookin for him. They quiet down and the only sound I can hear is Addison chewing on a piece of chicken. Then she swallows and narrows her eyes a little bit at my dad.

"If you're my mama's daddy, does that make you me and my brother's grampa?" She's always had trouble saying the word 'grandpa'. It's always been grampa Giles and hopefully if things work out the way I want them too it'll be grampa Chris. I look over at my dad and he takes a drink of his soda then puts the glass down and looks at Addison and it's almost like they're squarin off or somethin 'cause she's not looking away.

"Technically," he says and shrugs his shoulders. "Yeah I am." She looks at him again with her eyes all narrowed and shit. It's almost like she suspects him of doin something bad or something like that.

"But we already have a grampa. Well, a grampa Giles." I can tell he's trying not to laugh and he glances over at Buffy and she is very quick to explain.

"He's not my biological father. He was my watcher when I first moved to Sunnydale and we became really close. He's been more of a dad to me then my real dad. He took off with his secretary, moved to Spain, and I haven't seen him since." She says it as casual as you'd talk to your neighbor about the weather or something. B got over it a long time ago, and yeah she thinks it's a little sad that she doesn't have a relationship with her 'real' dad, but she has Giles and she's grateful for that. My dad just nods and takes another sip of his drink. "So, you have anymore…colorful stories about Faith as a little girl?"

"Ya know, B, they didn't happen when you were little but I got plenty of stories I could tell that I'm sure you'd rather nobody know." I can't help it, she knows too much now. I raise my eyebrow at her and she looks me dead in the eye and we just sit here, silently challenging each other. Until I feel my dad bump me with his elbow.

"Now, Faith, knock it off. She's just curious." Then he looks at B and smiles and big toothy grin. "And yeah, I got plenty of other stories." Well this isn't good. I don't know about my dad and my wife being in cahoots. Hmm, I don't know how I feel about me saying the word 'cahoots'. I mean this little alliance could make things uncomfortable for me. "But I won't tell anymore. I think I've embarrassed her enough for one day." Alright well maybe they're not in cahoots. Yeah, I definitely feel weird sayin that word, so I'm not gonna say it anymore. I look over when I see Addy reach for her drink and she gets a blank look on her face and starts to blink a lot and she accidentally knocks the glass over and soda goes everyone. It spills over the edge of the table and gets all over my dad's lap.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," Addy says and she sounds a little scared. I feel my blood boil a little bit. A few months ago there was this guy who came in here, just passin through on his way to Arizona or some shit like that. Anyway, when he was walkin by our table to leave Addy accidentally knocked her plate off the table and ketchup got all over this guy's shoes. And these were like twenty-dollar sneakers, not much to cry over, right? But he starts yellin at my little girl like she just ruin some fuckin million-dollar leather loafers or some shit like that. Luckily PJ and Ian heard what was goin on and they grabbed the guy and threw him out 'cause I was getting ready to punch my fist through that guy's face. And it really scared the yell outta Addy 'cause she's never really been around men before, especially ones as tall and stocky as that guy, and my dad.

"It's alright, sweetheart," he says and grabs a few napkins and starts to clean up the soda off his lap first then the table. "It's just a little soda, nothin a wash machine won't take out." She calms down a little but she's still upset. B gets really worried for whatever reasons and reaches behind Mattie so she can rub the back of Addy's head.

"Was it your eye again, baby?" B asks and she sounds pretty concerned. Addy nods her head yes and starts rubbing her eye. "Well don't worry, you have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday." B sounds like she's trying to convince herself more then Addy. Wait…doctor's appointment?

"What doctor's appointment?" I ask and shove a couple fries in my mouth. B gives me this 'do you have to eat like a pig?' type of look and I just shrug. She really can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

"Her eye was bothering her yesterday so I called the doctor and made an appointment for Wednesday at two-thirty. I can take her myself if you don't want to leave early." What the hell is she talking about? Of course I'll leave early, this is our baby she's talking about. And if something's wrong with her then I wanna be there to find out what. Ok Faith, calm down. It's probably nothing. She'll be fine. It's probably just allergies or something.

"I'll leave early, or I won't go at all." My dad gives me a questioning look as he takes another sip of his soda. "I've been taking some summer school classes at the high school so I can earn some extra credits and get my GED earlier since I dropped out of high school." That's the one thing I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want him to think I'm stupid or something, like almost everyone else does when they find out I never graduated. But he just nods his head.

"At least you're gettin it done. Man, if I could go back and get my diploma I would." Wait, what? But he told me him and my mom graduated high school and then they got married. So I give him my own questioning look. "Oh I had all the credits, passed all the classes I need to but I skipped too many days and they wouldn't let me graduate. Never thought I should just put in one more year 'cause your mom was pregnant with you and I needed to work." Oh. Well that explains that, doesn't it? Ok and getting off the very awkward subject of my mom before one of the kids asks about her.

"So, what are you doin now? I mean, work wise." He takes the last drink of his soda and pushes the glass out to the middle of the table. Danny comes by and takes our empty plates and glasses and B orders another milkshake. And she said I had it bad when it came to the pregnancy food cravings. Whatever. She's got it bad too. Normally I would give her some shit about it but she has a tendency to cry when I make fun of her. I know she does it on purpose and uses the pregnancy as an excuse but I still can't stand to see her cry even if she is faking it.

"Well, I work part time at a scrap metal factory, we cut down the pieces to whatever size the customer needs, and I work part time at Uncle Bernie's as a bartender." I just nod my head. He worked at the scrap metal place before he was put in jail and then another job as a grocery store clerk. Uncle Bernie's is a strip club that I snuck into before when I was thirteen. I did it because of a dare and wow I wasn't expecting what I saw. It sort of…turned me on to a whole new way of thinkin.

"What's Uncle Bernie's?" Addy asks and before anyone else can even blink my dad answers her.

"A place you're never, ever gonna work at." B gives me a questioning look and I lip the words 'strip club' and she nods her head with an 'oh' look on her face. Then she gets this other look on her face like 'damn straight she's not'. Then my dad sighs and stretches his arms out as best he can without bumping into me and looks at his watch and then scratches the back of his head. "Well, it was nice meeting you but I gotta get goin. There are a few phone calls I need to make to some people in Boston and it's almost…six there." I get up so he can get out of the booth. He wraps me up in a big hug and gives me a kiss on the top of my head. "I'll call you later, ok?" I nod my head yes and he says bye to B and the kids. I don't sit down again until he's out the door.

"So, whatta you guys think?" They give me some weird looks. Well B and Mattie do. B's givin me this look like 'don't get too attached' and Mattie still looks a little suspicious. Jeez, what're their problems? I look at my girl and she's all smiles. Leave it up to my baby girl to make me feel better about something. And no, that wasn't sarcastic.

"I like him. He said I'm the prettiest girl in the world." Ha, I knew that comment wouldn't be forgotten. "And he didn't get mad when I spilleded my soda. And he has a lot of funny stories about you." Well, the first two are really good reasons to like him. I look over at Buffy and she's lookin at me with that look again. I know that look, I've given that look. It was the same look I gave her when she brought home that stupid little kitten and named it Tink. I wanted to get rid of it but B wanted to keep her and she kept sayin 'at least until she's not all skin and bones, then I'll find a home for her'. But she got attached and we kept the cat. And then Tucker moved in and ended up chasing her off. I really do love that dog.

"He's nice," she says and smiles and it looks really forced. "Really Faith, he is." I raise my eyebrow a little and she sighs. She can't lie to me, I know her too well. And she's bad at it. "I'm happy for you, really I am. It's just…." She stops and gives me the 'lets talk about this later 'cause what I have to say shouldn't be said in front of the kids' look. I nod my head a couple times then look over at Mattie. I guess he caught B's look too and he's frownin at her. He hates it when we do that 'cause he thinks he's old enough to hear everything we have to say. Then he shrugs and looks at me.

"He's alright. I just met him or I don't know if I like him or not." Well, that's a logical answer. It's passed three now so Stephanie's working now, and since we finished our meal she's bringing us some ice cream. Strawberry for Addy, Chocolate for me and Mattie and Vanilla with lots and lots of chocolate syrup. We always get the same thing every time, it's our routine. I watch B a little closer then normal. I wanna know what her problem is with my dad. I guess I'll find out later. I'm not gonna get on her ass too much about it 'cause she's sensitive right now and the last thing I want to do is upset my baby.


	28. Spaceship MRI part 1

**Four Days Later**. FPOV

I can't stop shaking my leg. I'm just too damn nervous to sit still. It's Wednesday, the day of Addy's doctor's appointment. Only the doctor didn't know what was wrong with her. And he thinks it could be something serious. He said 'I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, but just to make sure…' and he gave us the name of an optometrist in Vegas. Well, she took a look about half an hour ago and couldn't find anything wrong, but she thinks there is a problem, she just doesn't know what. So she gave us the name and number of a neurologist at one of the best hospitals in Vegas and B's filling out the forms while Addy sits next to her, sleeping. She wouldn't hold still for the optometrist so she gave Addy something to make her drowsy. And it's her naptime anyway.

I watch B get up from her seat and take the forms up to the nurses' station. B's freaking out but she's trying to act calm and collected. But I know her too well. She's freaking out on the inside. She thinks there's something seriously wrong with our baby and I'm startin to think she may be right. I don't want to think that but when you go to the best pediatrician in the state and he can't find what's wrong but think there might be something, and then you go to the best optometrist in the state and she can't find anything wrong but think there might be something you start to think they're might be something wrong. God I hope not.

And I know this is gonna sound a little harsh at first so just chill until I finish explainin. But I hope there's nothing wrong and not just because I don't want there to be something wrong with my baby girl. I don't want her to be sick, yeah, but I don't want her to be sick partly because if there is something really wrong B could get too stressed out and if she gets too stressed out she could have a miscarriage. So I'm not just worried about Addy, but I'm worried about B and our other baby, the little unborn one. Is that wrong? I don't think so. It doesn't feel wrong.

B comes back from the nurses' station and picks Addy up and gives me a look like 'ok, let's go'. Standin behind her is a doctor. At least I'm assuming he's a doctor 'cause he's standing like he thinks he's hot shit and he's wearing a white coat. So I get up and he leads us down some halls. I hold onto one of B's hands and give it a gentle squeeze. I haven't said a word since we left the optometrist's office. I just don't have anything to say.

"If you'll just wait in here Dr. Moon will be with you shortly," he says and leaves the room. I sit down in the plastic chair and sigh. I look up at B and she's leaning against the examining table with Addy in her arms. Every once in a while she'll turn her head and give our girl a little kiss on the forehead and she's strokin her hair. Addy starts to move around, I guess the drug is starting to wear off.

"Mommy?" she asks and B gently rocks her and whispers somethin that I didn't catch. Addy tries to lift her head from B's shoulder but it plops back down. "Where are we?" She sounds a little scared. I stand up and walk over to my girls and gently rub Addy's back.

"We're at the doctor's baby," B says and keeps stroking Addy's hair. "Close your eyes, angel girl." I don't know if Addy does or not but she stays quiet. I look into B's eyes and I can see just how much she's freaking. This is scaring the hell outta me and I don't scare too easy. I guess this is different through. I can face big scary demons and vampires but a trip to the doctor has me close to trembling. The door opens and I whip around to see who it is. A tall man, with short gray hair and a gray goatee and a white doctor's coat walks into the room, a chart in his hand and a blank look on his face.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Moon," he says in a deep voice. He holds out his hand for me to shake and I introduce myself, then B does the same. "This must be Addison." He looks at my little baby and she uses all her strength to hold up her head. Then she looks over at me and then at the doctor.

"Yeah, but my mama calls me Addy." I can't help but smile. The doctor does too and then he leans up against the wall and crosses his wrists over his stomach.

"Well, do you want me to call you Addison or Addy?" he asks in a very patient tone. I don't even know the guy and already I have a little respect for him. Don't get me wrong my slayer senses are high on alert. I'm not just gonna let anyone paw at my kid. Although it's not really pawing because he's a doctor, but I'm not gonna just trust my baby's health with anyone. The first sign that this guy has ill intentions and we're outta here. Anyway, I look over at Addy and she thinks about the question for a couple of seconds.

"Addison's fine," she says and sighs. God I really want to hear those two little words come out of this guys mouth when he tells me that she's fine and there's nothing to worry about. That this little thing with her eye is only temporary and it'll go away in a couple of days. I have a feeling it's a little more complicated then that.

"Alright Addison," he says and stands up straight and takes a step forward. "Let's see what's going on with your eye." Then he looks at B. "If you'll put her on the table, please, I can get started." She nods her head and puts our baby on the table but she stands next to her and holds onto her hand. Dr. Moon pulls a chair up really close to the table and sits down. He gets out the little flashlight thingy and tells Addison to be really still and he holds her eye open and shines the light on it, and then does it to the other one. "Pupil response is normal." Well, that's good. It sounds like it's a good thing. Then he looks down at the chart and spends a few seconds reading it. "It says here she's been experiencing slight dizziness and blurred vision in her right eye?" he asks and looks up at B.

"Yeah. A few days ago, um, Friday, I think, she was walking down the hall and then she stopped and started blinking a lot and then braced herself against the wall and she said her eye was fuzzy. I just assumed it was her vision." She didn't tell me that part. The just assuming part. It could be something completely different. He lets out a long 'hmmmm' and reads the chart again. Then he gets up and walks over to the phone on the wall and dials some numbers and then hangs up. I don't like this whole him being quiet thing. It's really starting to bug me.

"Is she going to be ok?" B asks and I look over at my little girl to make sure she's not panicking or anything. We've been downplayin this a lot, trying to make Addy think there's nothing wrong. But I think she knows something isn't right. I think she can sense how tense I am and it's been freaking her out a little bit all day long. I look over at Dr. Moon and he rubs his chin and looks at me and then to Buffy.

"Well, we don't know what's wrong yet so I can't say." Wow, that was probably the very opposite of what he should have said. "But we're going to do everything we can to find out what's going on and even more to fix it." He tries to reassure her but the damage has been done. I walk over to her and gently rub her back with one hand and hold onto her hand with the other. "There's no reason to get panic or get upset." Yeah right. "Let's just stay calm until we find out if there's something to cry over." He puts a reassuring hand on B's shoulder and she nods her head a little bit.

"My mommy cries a lot 'cause of the baby growing in her belly. She didn't cry a lot before. Only when my mama said something to make her sad," Addy says and the doctor smiles at her and I can't help but smile too. That's my girl, always has to get in her two cents even if it has nothing to do with what we're talking about.

"The best way to proceed from here is to get an MRI. We'll get a better idea of what's going on. If nothing shows up there are a couple other tests we can run. But if there's anything going on the MRI should bring it up." Should bring it up. But it's not guaranteed. I fucking hate this. Give me a demon to kill to make this all go away and I'm there. I can't handle all this medical shit because I have to give up the control over to someone I don't even know. The door opens and another man walks in. He's young, mid twenties maybe, with brown hair that really needs to be combed. He must be an intern.

"You paged me, Dr. Moon?" he asks and walks into the room and closes the door. Dr. Moon hands him the chart and he opens it up and looks at it for a few seconds before looking up at the older man. Then he looks at me, then B, then Addy and then back to Dr. Moon.

"Yeah, we have a two-year-old with blurred vision and dizziness. Order and MRI and page me before she goes in, I want to find out what's going on." Then he turns back to me and B. "I have a couple other things I have to attend to right now, but Dr. Simmons will take great care of you. Now if you'll excuse me." He nods his head a little and then leaves the room, leaving us alone with the intern. I'm not sure if he's an intern but he looks young and a little...frazzled. I guess he's not used to working with kids. Dr. Simmons write something down in the chart and then walks over to the phone and dials some numbers and talks to someone on the other end for about a minute and then hangs up.

"Um, I need to prep her before she goes in. She can't be wearing any metal and she needs to change into a gown," he tells us and walks over to a drawer and pulls out a little gown. He hands it to me. "I'll, uh, step outside while you do that." And he leaves the room. And they expect me to trust my child's life in the hands of that guy? Oh well. I take off Addy's bracelet and her B helps me undress her and we change her into the gown. Addy can normally undress herself but she's still a little...uncoordinated because of the sedative the optometrist gave her. Then the intern walks back into the room and outside the door I can see someone else stop in the doorway with a gurney. An empty gurney. Then Dr. Simmons walks up to my little girl and gives her a charming smile.

"Hey Addison, do you like spaceships?" She nods her head yes. "Well do you want to go with me and lay inside a giant spaceship?" He's putting emphasis on some of his words and trying to make it sound really exciting. I have to give the guy some credit, at least he's trying. She nods her head yes and he smiles again. "If one of you will put her on the gurney we can get going." B picks her up and puts her on the gurney and we walk with her down the hall and into the elevator. We start to follow the man pushing my daughter towards a room but we're stopped. "Um, you have to come back here with me. We have a large window so you can see her but unless she starts panicking its better if you stay with me." If he says so.

We follow him into a dark room with a large window on the wall separating this room from the next. In the other room is the large MRI machine and it sort of looks like a spaceship, if you're almost three at least. The man who was pushing her then says something to her and smiles and she lets him pick her up and he lays her down on the machine and says something else to her. Then he pushes a button and a little conveyer belt type thing pulls my baby into the large tube like machine. In front of me is a large desk with lots of computer screens and a couple keyboards and sitting at this is a small man who beings typing and some images pop onto one of the screens.

"How are you doing Addison?" Dr. Simmons asks into a little microphone. She doesn't seem scared or anything, at least not that I can see. The man who put her on there must've told her about the speakers.

"I'm ok," she says and I hear it through the speaker that's on the large desk. She doesn't sound scared at all. "But this doesn't look like a spaceship. I think the other doctor was wrong." I can't help but smile. Dr. Simmons laughs a little and then presses the button for the microphone.

"Yeah, I guess he was. Now, do you remember what that other man told you?" he asks but he doesn't wait for her to answer. "Lay really still for me ok?" She says a little 'ok' and the images start to change. I guess she had been moving around after all. After about five minutes the guy at the computer turns off the machine and there are about five images up, a different one on each screen.

Dr. Simmons looks at all of them and then walks over to the phone and dials some numbers and then hangs up. He tells us that there's nothing to worry about so I can't help but worry. About ten minutes later Dr. Moon walks into the room and takes a look at the films, after he tells off the younger guy for not paging him before they did the MRI. He takes a pen out of his pocket and uses the tip to point at a little spot on one of the films.

"Do you see that?" he asks me and B. There's a tiny, little black spot on the picture and if I didn't know any better I'd say it was just a piece of dirt on the screen, but apparently it's not. We both nod our heads yes and I feel B take me by the hand and I gently squeeze her. "It's a little tumor pressing against her optic nerve." I'm sorry, but did he say-

BPOV

A tumor? A tumor in her brain? A brain tumor? That's what she has? I can't help it when my eyes water up and I have to fight like hell to pay attention to the rest of what he has to say.

"It's operable and we'll be able to remove the entire thing." Well that's good. That's very good. "But there are some risks." And that's bad, very, very bad. Risks are always very bad. Why do there have to be risks? "She could lose her sight, there's no way of knowing until after the surgery if it's happened, and if it does she'll be blind for the rest of her life." I look through the glass and watch as the man who put her in there gently picks her up and puts her back on the gurney and then wheels her out of the room. Where is he taking her? "But if we don't operate right away, the tumor can grow and cause her to lose her sight and damage other areas of her brain and ultimately kill her. I think it would be best if we proceed immediately."

This can't be happening. It just can't. Not her, not to Addison. She's just a little baby. She's my little baby. She hasn't done anything wrong. She's too young to have done something to deserve this. It's just wrong! I feel Faith squeeze my hand again and I lean against her. I have to ask. There's no way I can't ask.

"Is this...I mean, my mother she had a brain tumor, is this genetic?" If it is then we need to get Matthew in right away and get him tested and then Dawn and then me. But the doctor shakes his head no and tries to explain to me how this could have occurred but I can't focus on what he's saying. The only thing I can think about is my baby girl and the thought of losing her forever. I can't handle it. "I'm sorry...I just…." And I let go of Faith's hand and leave the room.

I couldn't be in there anymore. This is just too much. I wonder around the halls, not sure where I'm going and not caring. My baby girl is sick and there's nothing I can do to stop it. There's no demon I can kill, no vampire army I can stop, no spell anybody can cast. There's nothing and it's one of the worst feelings in the world. I say one of because this feeling of fear is way worst. I don't want my baby to die and it's a major possibility. I mean, we all thought my mom was going to get better and then…. What if the same thing happens to my baby? It was so hard when I lost my mom…I don't think I'd survive if I lost one of my babies.

I'd never get to see her grow up. I won't get to watch her fall in love for the first time, get her heart broken for the first time, and go through all the normal firsts that everyone goes through. I'll never get to have the relationship I want to have with her. We'll never get to stay up late talking about boys and eating ice cream. We won't even get to fight about all the normal stuff that parents and teenagers usually fight about. I won't get to help her get ready for her prom and then take pictures of her and her date and make a big fuss over her. I won't get to help her put on her wedding dress and watch Matthew, or some other man close to her, give her away. I won't get to hold her hand and help coach her through the delivery of her babies.

I don't think I can walk anymore. There's a chair against this wall for some reason so I go ahead and sit down in it. It's not very comfortable, like everything else in this hospital and every other hospital across the nation. I can't feel anything anymore. I'm just…numb. I think if I could feel how much this is effecting me I'd die. It's just too much. Oh God, I left…I just left, how could I leave like that? My baby's probably asking for me and no one can find me. Will I ever stop screwing up? I have to stop thinking like this. I can't do it any more. The doctor said the tumor is operable or whatever. That they can remove all of it. I can't be thinking that my baby is going to die when she goes into surgery because if she does then it'll be like I did it and I don't think I'll be able to live with myself if that happens.

"Hey…" I look up to see Faith standing about three feet away from me. How long has she been there? "They're, uh, getting her settled in her room. Thought I'd come see if you're ok." She came to see if I was ok? This has to be killing her on the inside too and she's seeing if I'm ok? Could anyone else be a better wife? I don't think so. I don't think it gets any better then this. I lean forward and grab onto her hand and gently pull her down into my lap and wrap my arms around here. I need to feel her…I just need to know that I'm not in this alone. I felt so alone when it was all happening with my mom. My fault mostly, I cut myself off from everyone. I didn't give Dawn as much credit as I should have. She was a lot more mature then I was willing to realize. And no one else could really understand what I was going through. Faith understands because this is her baby too.

"I'm not ok." I tell her and she gives me a soft, sweet and very short kiss on my lips. I'm going to need more then that but I live without it for now. "I don't think I can do this again, Faith. I just…my mom was better then it just…happened. And when they make Addison better, when they take the tumor out I'm always going to be worried that something will just…happen." She caresses my cheek with the back of her fingers and gently kisses me again, shutting me up. I guess she doesn't want to hear it right now.

"Nothing is gonna happen B. I was talking about it with the doctor after you left. There's this stuff that they're gonna put inside her where the tumor is so it won't just be a hole. The stuff will…decompose or whatever, when the space stats to fill up with fluid. I asked 'em about it, told 'em a little about what happened to your mom and they said we don't have anything to worry about. Said somethin about all the medical advances that have happened since then or some shit like that." This is a weird feeling that I'm getting inside right now. It's like a mix of both relief and anger. Relief because of the 'medical advances' and anger because they didn't happen sooner. If they had happened sooner maybe my mom would still be alive.

"How is she? Did you talk to her before you came to find me?" I sound a little panicked but I know Faith wouldn't leave our baby if she was scared or needed her in some way. Faith just smiles and gives me another kiss. This one is a little longer. I guess she's getting super needy right now too. I know I am and I feel so bad about it. My baby's in the hospital with a tumor in her brain and all I can feel is this need for Faith to be touching me, to take the worry away.

"She's fine. I didn't talk to her but I was watchin from the door and when I left she was tellin off Dr. Moon 'cause the MRI didn't look like a spaceship. I think the guy was close to tears." Sounds like our girl. It's so cute when she tells someone off. She puts her hands on her hips and gets this little attitude like she's the boss of the person she's yelling at, or something. I can't help but let out a little laugh. "But we need to get back soon or she'll start asking about us." Yeah, she will. Faith gets up and helps me to my feet. She wraps her arm around my lower back as she leads me through the halls. Did I really come this far? How long have I been gone?

Faith stops in front of a door to the room that our little girl is in. She's too busy talking to Dr. Simmons to look over and notice us, but that's fine. I just want to watch right now. She doesn't seems scared at all. I thought little kids were supposed to be scared of hospitals. Why isn't she worrying and asking for us? She's just so independent already and I don't like it. I know it's a good thing that she's this way, it'll be easier when college rolls around and all that other stuff, but…is it so wrong for me to want my baby to want me by her side?

"Alright, Addison, this might hurt a little," Dr. Simmons says and wheels over and I.V. thing and picks up the needle off the table. He keeps talking to her, trying to distract her from what he's doing as he slowly puts the needle on the back of her little hand but she's not buying into it. She's watching what he's doing. She's watching the needle go inside her and she's not freaked out or wincing in pain or anything. "You ok?" he asks and she just sits there. Ok, maybe this is a bad thing after all. Me and Faith rush forward at the same time and she walks away from me and stands on the other side of the bed.

"Baby, are you alright?" I ask and Addison looks up at me with tears in her big greenish brown eyes. I wrap my arm around her and give her a kiss on the top of her head. "It's ok, it's just some medicine that's going to help make you better." Ok it isn't a full lie. It's just some fluid so she doesn't get dehydrated. But she's still a little freaked. The doctor says something like 'don' worry, everything will be fine' and then he leaves the room. I wasn't really paying attention because I'm too busy trying to comfort my little girl. She's better now and she's pulling away from me. I feel like my heart's ripping in two. She doesn't want me.

Ok, Buffy, calm down. She's just trying to get comfortable on the bed. She's going to be here for a while, might as well be comfortable. So I sit down on the plastic chair and watch as Faith play red hands with her. I'd rather they not play that game but whatever. Let her do what she wants, she's sick so for a while she gets a 'get out of jail free card' until she's better. Oh no…I completely forgot about Matthew. With everything that's been going on. We didn't leave him all alone Emma's watching him. But still, he's sister is sick someone needs to tell him.

"I'm gonna go back to the house. Someone needs to talk to Matthew," they both look at me with the same worried look on their faces. Probably because my voice cracked. Faith gets up and wraps her arms around me and Addison crawls to the end of the bed and holds onto my hand. I hear her say something but I'm trying so hard not to break down that I didn't catch it. Faith pulls back and gives me a little kiss on the lips.

"It's ok, you stay. I'll go talk to him." I nod my head and feel a little relieved. It's not that I don't want to talk to my son but…I don't think I'd be able to get through the talk without breaking down and if he seems me cry because of this then he'll get really freaked out. She gives me another kiss and then walks over to the bed. "Ok, angel girl." Addison got that nickname more from a sarcastic remark I made one day when Addison was acting up. I was talking to Kim and just ranting about the downsides of motherhood and she asked me a question about Addison and I replied 'oh yeah, she's a regular little angel girl'. And I started calling her that and then Faith copied me. She picks Addison up and gives her a big kiss on the cheek.

"Take care of Mommy while I'm gone ok?" I smile a little and Addison nods her head a little. Then Faith gives her another kiss and puts her back down on the bed. She gives me a quick kiss on the lips and a 'see ya in a bit' as she walks out the door. I sigh and sit down at the foot of the bed and my little girl holds onto my hand. Who would've thought she would be the one to comfort me? This isn't how it's supposed to be. I'm the mom, I'm supposed to do the comforting. Even when my mom was sick she tried her hardest to comfort Dawn and me. And here my baby is, in the hospital with an I.V. in her hand and she's trying to make sure I'm ok. How lame am I?  
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_So just for the record, the realization that Joyce had a brain tumor didn't kick me in the face until I was working on the BPOV. So I'm not copying that idea just for the drama. In all actuality I'm stealing it from an episode of Gray's Anatomy. I'm very well aware of just how lame I am, so there's no need to point it out. I guess I'll talk to you later.  
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	29. The Strong One part 2

**The Same Day.** FPOV

I told B I was gonna go talk to Mattie, and I am, but there's somethin I gotta do first. Even with me there for her, going through this with her she's gonna feel alone. This is just a really big battle and she always tries to fight the big ones alone unless she has to accept some help. But I can't make her let me in. I can't force her to open up to me. And I think the more people who are here to help the better. Besides, they're family, you're supposed to tell your family when one of your own is sick. So I walk to the pay phones in the lobby and dig out some change. I put in the three quarters and dial the number. It rings five times before someone finally picks up. A receptionist? Since when does he have a receptionist?

"Hi, uh, I need to talk with Rupert Giles, it's an emergency." She asks what the emergency is and I can't help the growl that crawls out of my throat. "It's none of your damn business, now put him on the phone before I fly out there and shove the phone up your ass." I can't help it. With everything that's going on I don't know how much more I can take. But it worked because I'm being patched through right now.

"Hello, this is Rupert Giles," he sounds irritated. But his voice, no matter what the tone, sounds good right now. I guess over the years he's become like a dad to me. I sigh and shift my weight from foot to foot.

"Giles, it's Faith." I can almost feel him tense up at the sound of my voice. I do sound pretty grim. I guess he thinks somethin bad happened to Buffy. "Listen, I can't really explain everything right now, but I need you to call Red and Xander and Dawnie and have 'em come out here. Something's wrong with Addy and B could really use you guys right now." I hear him suck in a breath and if I weren't a slayer I probably still would've heard it.

"How serious is it?" That's a really good question. The doctor told me I don't have nothin to worry about, that everything is gonna be fine, but at the same time he was saying he won't know the exact 'extent of the damage' until they've cut her open. So this little black dot on a screen could turn out to be murderous.

"I'm not sure. The doctor isn't willing to say. It's a tumor, in her brain. It's, um…pressing against the nerve to her eye or somethin and they have to go in a take it out. Look, I gotta go talk to Matthew, just get everyone here, ok?" I can feel the tears trying to build but I blink 'em back.

"Yes, of course. We'll all be there as soon as possible. What hospital are you at?" I give him the name and I hear him scribbling it down on a piece of paper. "I'll see you when we arrive. Tell Buffy…" he trails off but I know what he wants to say. He wants me to tell her that everything's gonna be fine. That he's gonna be here for her, and he won't leave until she's absolutely sure she can stand on her own two feet without him.

"Yeah, I will." I hang up the phone and stand there for a few minutes trying as hard as I can not to cry. I can't cry yet. I have to hold it in. If my boy sees that I've been crying then he'll just get freaked. And if I cry in front of him then he'll panic. At least I think he will. He knows that I'm not a crier like Buffy can be, so if I cry in front of him then he'll know just how bad this really is and I don't want him knowin that. I want him to believe that everything is going to be ok even though I don't fully believe it myself.

I leave the hospital and get in B's car and make my way back to Lincoln. There's a lot of traffic out now that people are getting off work but it doesn't take me too long to get back home. I park in the driveway, shut off the engine and just stare at my hands on the steering wheel. I don't know if I can do this. I told B I'd do it because she looked like she'd rather die then leave Addy's side. With everything that happened with her mom I don't think B's gonna be leaving that hospital until Addy's ok. I sigh and get out of the car. I walk into the house and slowly shut the door. Why am I being so quiet? I don't know but it seems normal. I walk into the living room and see Emma sitting on the couch, watching T.V. with Tucker laying at her feet, and I hear Mattie and his friends in the kitchen.

"Hey," I say and Emma jumps a little. She gets up and notices the look on my face. Is it that obvious that something's wrong? She asks me about it but I change the subject, tell her thanks for watching my boy and pay her and she leaves pretty quick. It was getting pretty tense in here. I walk into the kitchen and see Mattie sitting at the table with all of his friends and there's a large pizza at the center of the table and most of it's gone. He looks so…carefree? I don't know the word for it but I really don't want to ruin it. I am Faith, the bearer of bad news. "Hey guys, why don't you run on home." They all turn and look at me and just stare at me like I'm some kinda freak. "Go home, Mattie can't play anymore." They all get up and leave. Not from my words exactly but by my tone. I never thought I'd ever talk to a little kid like that before, let alone a group of 'em.

"Mama, what's wrong?" he asks and gets up. I scratch at the back of my neck and he knows it's serious. Damn nervous habit. I motion for him to follow me and we go into the living room and I sit down on the couch. He sits down too but farther away from me then I'd like. But I'm not gonna stress about it. "Where's Mom and Addison?" He looks a little freaked out now. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. And now he looks like he's going to panic. Why do I have so many nervous habits?

"They're fine, they're still at the doctor's." He doesn't believe that they're fine. I can tell by the worried look on his face. "Look, remember how Addy's eye was bothering her?" He nods his head. "Well, there's a little tumor inside her brain and it's messing up her eye." He looks away from he and his neck is turning really red. I reach out and rub his back. His muscles are really tight 'cause he's so damn tense. He looks up at me with a blank stare and a chill just ran down my spine.

"Is she gonna die?" What? Wow did I really explain this wrong. I scoot closer to him and drape my arm across his shoulders.

"No, she's gonna be fine. The doctors are going to take the tumor out and she's gonna be fine." Again with the whole not fully believing me thing. Maybe I'm doing this all wrong. God I wish B was here, she's so much better at the talking thing then me. Being there when he's sick, playing with him, understanding some of his childish ways I got all that covered. Talking to him about really important stuff that's more B's area, always has been always will be. "Do you wanna see her?" He nods his head yes and goes to get up but stops.

"What about Tucker? Whose gonna stay with him?" I look down at my dog and he looks so sad. I guess he can feel all he tension and shit 'cause animals are good at that kinda thing. I reach out and stroke the top of my dog's head. He's always had really soft fur. Probably 'cause whenever I give him a bath I use 'people shampoo' and not the shit they sell for dogs 'cause it smells really bad. I think I got the only dog in the world that smells like Pantene Pro-V.

"We're not gonna be there all night. We'll just go visit for a while, ok?" He looks pissed but he doesn't say anything. I stand up and grab my keys off the little end table by the door. "Come on, we gotta get going." I'm starting to worry about B now. All this stress, it's not good for her or the baby. Something could happen and I need to get there to make sure it doesn't. I guess Mattie hears the urgency in my voice 'cause he gets up and gives Tucker one last pat on the head and walks out the door. The drive back to the hospital is silent and it's taking longer then I want it too, but there's so much traffic. Fuckin people trying to get home from work. Have you heard of overtime, you assholes?

An hour later we finally pull up in the parking lot. The elevator ride up is almost silent, except for the annoying music. I put my hand on my boy's shoulders and pull him a little closer to me, so he's pressed up against me. I just…I need to feel someone right now. This is too much. That and I want him to know he's not alone. He reaches up and holds onto my hand. He hasn't held onto my hand in a long time and I can't help but crack a little smile. I lead him to the room and I can't help but feel some panic start to rise when I see Dr. Simmons arguing with Buffy. He's trying to get her to sit down in a wheelchair and she's refusing.

"Miss, you really need to be examined. Now please just cooperate." He reaches out to touch her shoulder but she pushes his hand away. I give Mattie's shoulder a gentle squeeze and he gets my meaning: stay out of the way or you might get hurt. I walk into the room and clear my throat to get their attention.

"What's going on here?" I ask and hold my arms across my chest. B looks a little scared, not just because of what's going on but because she knows I'll make get examined. Not my physical force or anything but I can deal out a guilt trip like nobody's business. The doctor looks at me and then at Buffy and back at me. I try not to roll my eyes. I know what the problem is. They're not allowed to release medical information to anyone outside the family unless the patient consents to it. And Buffy hasn't said a word. But, I have a little weapon up my sleeve. "We have a power of attorney, now what the hell is going on?" He sighs in frustration and looks over at B again then back to me.

"She's been through a lot of stress because of what's happening with your daughter." Understandable. "And a few minutes ago she winced in pain and grabbed at her stomach. The stress could be effecting the fetus and we won't know until she's examined and she's not cooperating." B looks at me with a little guilt and then glares at the doctor.

"Because I'm fine. I don't need to be examined, I need to be with my daughter." She's getting angry and it's upsetting the kids. I walk up to her and gently rub her back and she tenses for a second but then relaxes. "Faith, I'm fine, really. The baby's ok, I'm ok. Everything's gonna be ok." The problem with that sentence is she sounds like she's trying to convince herself more then she's trying to convince me. And trust me I'm not convinced.

"Baby, let's talk outside." I look over at Mattie and nod my head towards Addy and he stands by the bed. She gets all excited now that she's finally noticed him and gives him a big hug and a smile. He hugs her back for longer then he normally does at home. I turn back to the doctor. "Keep an eye on him?" He just nods his head. I take B by the hand and we walk outside the room and I shut the door. I let go of her hand and stand about two feet away from her. She's looking down at her feet and pickin at her cuticles. "What the fuck?" She looks up at me and then back down. "Do you wanna kill our baby?" She looks up at me like I just slapped her or something and she puts her hands protectively over her stomach.

"No! God, how could you ask me something like that?" And she regrets it as soon as she says it. 'Cause I'm gonna tell her why and it's probably gonna make her feel bad about herself, but she'll get the exam and we'll find out what's going on.

"Because you felt some pain, which means there's something wrong, and you won't let the fucking doctor get it checked out. There could be something really wrong, Buffy." Use of her full name, she knows I'm dead serious. "And you're just fuckin standing there fighting him off." I sigh and run my hands through my hair. I slowly walk over to her and put one of my hands over hers, they're still resting on her stomach. I lean forward and rest my forehead against hers. This contact is more for me then it is her. I really need to feel her right now.

"Look, I know you're worried about Addy, we all are, but you can't ignore this baby…." I gently squeeze my hand. "I know you don't wanna leave Addy's side but the only way we're gonna find out if there's something wrong with junior here is if you do." I really wish I knew the sex of the baby, but it's not developed enough for us to know. I bring my other hand up and gently caress her cheek. "Please, B, we've got enough problems as it is, please. I don't know if I'd be able to stay strong and go on if we lose this one." I gently force my hand in between hers and softly rub her stomach. She sighs and lifts her head away from mine but she doesn't step back.

"Fine," she says, sounding irritated. "But I'm not going to be happy about it." I try not to smile. She just has to be difficult about everything, doesn't she? I give her a soft kisses and it quickly turns into something more. I didn't mean for this to happen but with everything that's going on…I need it, and I need it bad. But someone behind her coughs and we break apart, a thin trail of spit sticks to our bottom lips for a few seconds until it breaks and lands on my chin. B sighs and walks passed the doctor and plops herself down in the wheelchair. She's acting like a spoiled two year old, and if there weren't so much bad stuff going on I'd probably laugh.

"Well are you going to give me that exam or not?" she snaps at the doctor and he quickly runs around the back of the chair and wheels her out of the room. "Wait," she says before he passes me. I'm about to send her on another little trip but she grabs my wrist and pulls me to her. She kisses me for a whole minute it seems like and then pulls away and cups my cheek with one of her hands. "Stay with her ok? I'll be fine, just don't leave Addison, ok?" I nod my head yes and give her one last kiss and the doctor wheels her away. I stand there and watch as they disappear down the hall. I look down when I feel someone gently grab my hand and I look down.

"Mommy's ok." Addison says. Little shit snuck out of her bed and pulled the I.V. with her. Takes after me I guess. I did the same thing when I was in labor with her. I smile at her and pick her up and give her a big kiss on the cheek and nuzzle her neck.

"Yeah she is. She's gonna be ok." I take her back into the room and see Mattie sitting in the plastic chair and he's rubbing his cheek. What the hell? "You ok?" I ask and he nods his head yes. Addy giggles a little. This little evil giggle that she does and it freaks me out every time. Reminds me of every horror movie I've seen that involves evil little kids.

"He wouldn't let me get off the bed so I smacked him good." I roll my eyes and set her down on the bed. She looks at him and see how upset he is and she gets all concerned. She jumps off the bed even though I try to grab her, she's a fast little shit, and jumps into Mattie's lap and wraps her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry, Brother. I didn't mean it." He wraps his arms around her and gently rubs her back.

"It's ok, it doesn't hurt," he tells her and she leans back a little and gives him a little kiss on his cheek. She leans against him again and they just sit there together, in silence and as much as I want to enjoy the moment and sweetness of it all, I can't help but feel a little selfish. 'Cause they have each other, and B has me and the scoobs, but I don't have anyone. Then I remember: yeah I do. I just forgot 'cause of all this craziness.


	30. An Exam, A Big Room And Some News part 3

**Three Hours Later.** BPOV

"Sorry but this is going to be a little cold," Dr. Montgomery says and squeezes some of the jelly stuff onto my stomach. And she's right, it's cold. I shiver and shift around a little bit. After Dr. Simmons wheeled me to an examining room he took some blood and ran some tests and nothing was wrong. But just to make sure he paged Dr. Montgomery, a really tall redhead with the brightest green eyes I've ever seen. Once we made some small introductions she had me move to a different table, one with stirrups and I knew I was in for it. If I hadn't winced, if I had just bit back that little bit of pain I wouldn't have gone through what I did.

So here's what happened. I was already in a gown because Dr. Simmons made me change into one 'just in case'. So when Dr. Montgomery had me get up on the table with stirrups I got a little nervous. See she isn't just a normal doctor. Nope, she's a specialist. And what does she specialize in you may be asking? I'll tell you. She's an ob/gyn. Apparently she's one of the best in the country and she specializes in neonatal surgery. And what does that mean? It means she's the best when it comes to operating on little babies and examining pregnant women. Wanna take a guess at what she examined?

I was so embarrassed when she pulled those stirrups apart just a little further and then locked them in place. See, I'm a mother of two and pregnant with the third, as you already know. My wife is practically a thirty-two year old teenager and I spend a lot of time cleaning and doing housework and taking care of my kids so by the end of the day I'm too tired to really take care of myself. And by taking care of myself I mean trimming certain areas. See, when I know that I'm going to be examined in my very private area I'll trim everything up but since this was a forced exam I didn't get to do that. So everything was a lot...poofier then I wanted it to be.

But she didn't say anything expect that everything looked normal. And you wanna guess where her fingers went? I bad mood got so much worst because those gloves were really cold. And you wanna know why I'm so embarrassed now? Because the cold doesn't really bother me, especially now that I'm pregnant and everything is a lot more sensitive to another person's touch. So while she was being really professional and trying to find out if anything was wrong I was trying my hardest not to moan because it felt really good. And even though I know I didn't I feel like I cheated on Faith. But yeah, she's the one who wanted this to happen to me, so I'll just blame her.

"Ok, try to hold really still." I just nod my head. I haven't made eye contact with her since the end of the last examination. I'm way too embarrassed. See, it wasn't just that I was trying not to moan, but my toes were curling up and I got really wet. So wet she had to get some paper towels and wipe it up. But she said that 'it happens more then you'd think' and went back to examining me. "Everything looks normal." Good, now I can get back to Addison and my wife and son. "But I'd like you to stay under observation for at least twenty-four hours to make sure." What? I shake my head no.

"I can't. I need to be with my daughter." She gives me a curious look, kind of cocks her head to the side and raises and eyebrow so I explain. "She's here, she has a brain tumor. I need to be with her and my wife and son." She sighs and shuts off the ultra sound machine and sits down in the chair next to the table. She takes off her gloves and tosses them into a trash can.

"Mrs. Lehane, what's going on with you can be life-threatening to you and your baby. Now I'm not going to pretend to understand what you're going through. I have a daughter myself but she's never had something as serious as a tumor, but I understand the need to be with her when she's sick. But right now you have another baby that could be sick and I don't know how bad it is. I can have you and your daughter moved into one large room so you can be with her but I strongly advise that you be observed." I sigh and she hands me some paper towels and I clean the jelly off my stomach.

"Fine," I say and she gets up out of the chair and starts to walk towards the phone. "But only if we're put in a room together." She nods her head, writes something down in my chart and picks up the phone. A few minutes later a nurse comes into the room and she helps me into a wheelchair, apparently I'm not allowed to anymore or something, and she takes me into a large room and helps me into the bed and gets me all hooked up to the machines and I.V. drips. Then she pulls the covers down so they're only up to my abdomen and she hooks my stomach up to this machine so they can monitor the baby's heart beat. Fifteen minutes later Addison is wheeled into the room and put in a separate bed and Faith and Matthew walk into the room. Both of them look exhausted.

"Hey," Faith says and holds onto my hand and she smiles when she hears Addison start to tell off the nurse for trying to take away a glove that Dr. Simmons gave her to play with. "So, is everything fine?" she asks and looks at the little monitor thing for the baby. It isn't like the one I'm hooked up to. It isn't a screen with a little beeping noise and a line that jumps up and down. Nope, all of it is coming out on a line graph. So there's the up and down lines but they're on paper.

"Fine so far. But if one more person pokes me I'm not going to hold myself responsible for my actions." She laughs a little and sits down on the bed next to me. She leans forward and gives me a kiss on the lips. I'm still a little worked up from that exam, and this growing need to be close to her. I put my arms on the back of her neck to hold her where I want her. I run my tongue along her bottom lip but she doesn't open her mouth. She pulls back a little and I let her go because I'm not going make her be somewhere she doesn't want to be. She gives me a look like 'later, ok?' and I nod my head. I look over at my little girl and she's talking with Matthew about something but they're whispering so I can't hear what they're saying. They're slayers too so they know how low their voices have to be so we can't hear them. Faith looks over too and smiles.

"Hey, what're you two whispering about?" she asks and stands up. She sits on Addison's bed and gives Matthew a kiss on the side of his head. "Go see your mom," she tells him and I roll my eyes a little. He hops off Addison's bed and sits down on mine. I give him a big hug and a little kiss on his temple. "So how's my favorite girl doing?" I smile a little when I see Addison glance over me and she has this look on her face like she's afraid I'm going to get mad or something. Faith usually calls me her favorite girl but I'm willing to share the title.

"I'm ok. But this itches," she says and tries to scratch at the I.V. needle in her hand but Faith stops her. "Mama, how are they gonna make me better?" I guess Faith told Addison what's going on with her. I wish I was there, but nooo, I had to get an exam and be embarrassed in front of a total stranger. "If the tumor thingy's in my head, how're they gonna get it out?" I watch Faith sigh and shift around like she's uncomfortable. I really wish I could go over there but I can't, not with all these machines hooked up to me.

"Well, they're going to make a little hole in your head right about here," she points to a spot on Addison's head. I guess one of the doctor's went over this with Faith while I was being moles...examined, while I was being examined. "And they're going to carefully reach in with a little do-dad or hoo-ha or something." I have to bite back a laugh. Hearing Faith say that is pretty funny despite all this badness that we're going through. "And they're going to take it out and fix the little hole and you'll be all better." Addison is quiet for a few seconds and she touches the spot on her head that Faith touched earlier.

"So the doctors are gonna touch my brain?" Faith nods her head yes and I'm expecting Addison to get scared or grossed out. Wanna know what my precious little baby girl says? "Wow...that's so cool. Too bad I'm gonna be sleepin, I wanna touch it too." Yeah, what a little princess. But I'm glad she's not scared. I think I'd be worrying about ten times more then I already am if she were scared. I'd be trying to protect her more. I probably wouldn't let any of the doctors touch her, slayer instinct and all that.

"Oh my God, what happened to you?" I look over at the door just in time to see a flash of brown hair running at me and Dawn practically jumps on me and wraps her arms around me. "Giles called and said something happened to Addison, he didn't tell me you were hurt. So, what's wrong? What happened?" She sits back and starts to look me up and down, she even tries to pull the covers off me but I won't let her.

"I'm fine. My stubborn wife thought I was getting too stressed out so they're observing me and the baby until this is all over. But I'm fine really." I see a bright light hit my eyes, well a reflection of the overhead light. I look down at Dawn's hand and on her left ring finger is a ring...a large diamond ring...a large diamond engagement ring. I gently grab onto her hand and hold it up a little so I can get a better look. It's really pretty, a the rock is huge. "Oh, Dawnie," I whisper and look into her eyes. She looks a little guilty. Why does she look guilty?

"Sorry, I forgot to take it off," she says and tries to take her hand from mine but I don't let her. I give her a questioning look and she sighs. "It's just...with what's happening with Addison I didn't want to rub your face in it or anything 'cause you have more important things to think about right now." I lean forward and wrap my arms around her and give her a kiss on the cheek. "But I guess that isn't going to be a problem." I laugh a little and pull back and shake my head no.

"No, it's not. I'm happy for you. I needed that little bit of good news. So there's no face rubbing whatsoever. Really." She smiles and I look at the doorway and see Kyle standing there, looking a little uncomfortable. And there he is. I can lie to Dawn and make it believable, I'm a big sister, it's what we do. But on the inside I'm a little less then happy about this. I'm glad that my sister's happy, don't get me wrong I just don't like Kyle. Even after all these years I don't like the guy that's sleeping with my sister. Dawn gives me one more hug and then walks over and sits down on Addison's bed and starts to fuss over her. She's great with kids and she's going to make a great mom one day, I'm actually a little surprised she hasn't had a baby already.

"Giles, Willow and Xander are on their way but we were sorta already on our way here so it didn't take us as long." I give her a weird look. Already on their way here? But why? "We were going to surprise you with a visit, ya know, tell you about the engagement in person and all that. And we never get to see each other anymore so I figured it was a good excuse." I smile at her and nod my head.

"I'm going to, uh, to get some food. Does anybody want anything?" Kyle asks. Hospitals make him very uncomfortable and so do I. What? I can't help it if I'm protective of my younger sister. Matthew practically jumps off my bed and walks over to the door.

"I'll go with you." What is it about Kyle that is so fucking great that he'd rather be with him then his potentially sick mother? I gave birth to him for God sakes, what did Kyle do? Nothing, that's what. He just exists and it's a pain in my ass. But I smile and nod my head a little bit because I don't want to say anything to get him to stay because it'll just freak him out.

"I want some ice cream," Addison says and Kyle nods his head. Everyone else turns down his offer and he starts to walk away and Addison starts screaming after him in hopes of him hearing her. "With peanuts, and cherries and whip cream!" But he doesn't hear her and she knows it. So instead she flops down onto the bed and puts her head on the pillows and closes her eyes and puts her hand over her forehead like she has a headache. Is something wrong? Why is she doing that? She's never done anything like that before. "No one ever listens ta me when I really need 'em to." My daughter ladies and gentle, the drama queen of Lincoln, Nevada.


	31. The Waiting Game part 4

**The Next Day.** BPOV

Giles, Willow and Xander showed up late last night. Addison was already asleep so she won't get to see them until visiting hours. They brought her giant teddy bears and flowers and candy. She's spoiled rotten, I'll give her that. And they all felt a little guilty that they didn't get me anything but I told them it was fine because they didn't know and even if they did know I'd want them to spoil Addison instead of me. So while I was in the bathroom Xander snuck out of the room and came back thirty minutes later with a giant teddy bear. I don't know where all of them are staying but I know that Dawn and Kyle are staying at my house so they can take care of Matthew for me since I'm in here and Faith hasn't left. She refused to leave last night and once Addison dozed off she crawled into my bed and we cuddled until we drifted off to sleep.

It's morning now, around nine. Addison's surgery is in seven hours. They said that the earlier we get it done the better because the longer the tumor stays in there the more damage it could cause. Addison's awake but she's being really quiet. She just woke up a little while ago and she's not a morning person. It always takes her a while to fully wake up. She usually walks around the house like a zombie for thirty minutes until she's had some food.

Faith's still sleeping. I don't know how because she's still in her day clothes. Tight jeans and a tank top. She has got to be uncomfortable. And she's going to have a mother of all wedgies, if she's wearing underwear. Usually if she wears jeans as tight as these she'll go commando. I'm cuddled up to her and she has an arm wrapped around my waist. This is the first time we've woken up like this in a long time. Normally we fall asleep in each other's arms but in our sleep we'll move around and wake up in different spots. But I woke up in her arms and I can't help but smile.

"Faith," I whisper and bring my hand up and gently caress her cheek. "Faith, baby, wake up." She moves around a little bit and tightens her hold on me. This is just too cute. She hasn't done this in a long time. Normally when I try to wake her up she'll roll over and scoot away from me a little. I can't blame her because she's asleep but to see her act like this it's just too cute. But I need to wake her up. She'll be all cranky if I let her sleep in too much longer. She hates falling asleep in hospitals even if she's not the patient.

"Faith, wake up," I say a little louder then last time and shake her shoulder. She moves around a little more and finally opens her eyes. I smile really wide and give her a little kiss on the lips. "There you are. I thought I'd never get to see those beautiful eyes again." She smiles and snuggles into me. She yawns really wide and then gives my neck a little kiss.

"How're you doin? Any more pain?" she asks and kisses my neck again. I moan a little, I can't help it, and she smiles against my skin. Brat's doing it on purpose, she's trying to make me moan. She shifts around and then kisses my throat. That's a very sensitive area for me and she knows she'll get a moan outta me if she kisses just right. But before she can someone coughs to get our attention. Faith pulls back and we look towards the foot of the bed to see Dr. Montgomery and she's trying not to smile. Faith looks embarrassed but I'm not too worried. After yesterday there's nothing I can do to embarrass myself in front of this woman.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I need to check your vitals." I nod my head and give Faith one last peck on the lips. Then she hops off the bed and stretches her sore limps and I can hear her joints popping. She sits down on Addison's bed and our little girl crawls into her lap. Then Dr. Montgomery walks over to me and uses the cold stethoscope to my chest and I breath in deep, then she does it on my back and I giggle a little bit.

"Everything sounds fine." She opens up my chart and reads the notes that the nurses have made and looks up at the different monitors. Then she walks over to the heart monitor on my stomach and starts looking at the very long sheet of paper. "Everything looks ok." Then she drops the paper and it falls back to it's place on the floor and she smiles at me. "Well, Mrs. Lehane so far you have a clean bill of health, but yesterday I said a twenty-four hour observation and it's only been..." she looks down at her watch. "Fourteen." Then she walks over to Addison and she smiles at her. "And how are you doing this morning?" My little girl looks up at her and if she looked anymore like Faith right now she'd be a clone. And the look she's giving the doctor is a 'how the fuck do you think I'm doing?'

"I'm ok," she says with a sigh and leans into Faith. "But uncle Kyle forgot the cherries on my ice cream last night. And Brother isn't here yet. And my baby might be sick." I can't help but smile. My girl, one hundred percent unique. I watch as the doctor pulls out the little flashlight thing and shines it in my girl's eyes as she talks to her.

"Well you don't have a thing to worry about because your mommy and your baby are going to be ok. And if my source is right your brother is downstairs right now with a small group of people who are being beaten back by security until visiting hours start." I have to laugh at that. I'm sure Dawnie is giving them hell. "What do you think, should I tell security to let them up?" Addison nods her head and when the doctor finishes the check up she walks over to the phone and makes the call.

"I wanna sit with Mommy," she says to Faith and I glance over at the doctor. I don't know if she's allowed to leave the bed or not. I'd rather not get yelled at this morning by a bunch of doctors. But Dr. Montgomery looks at my questioning gaze and nods her head. So Faith picks up our girl and grabs the I.V. bag and brings her over to me. I wrap my arms around her and rest my chin on top of her head and lightly stroke her hair and she leans against my chest and softly brushes her little hands over my stomach and she's careful not to tough the cords that are connecting me to the baby's heart monitor. "If my baby's ok why does are these still on you?" And here we go with the questions.

"Because we want to make sure the baby stays ok," I tell her and plant a little kiss on the top of her head. Faith reaches over and holds onto one of my hands. I look into her yes and smile. She's been so great through all of this. Seeing her being so strong…I guess it's sort of helped me be strong too because I can trust that if I fall apart she'll be there to help me. If she were a mess then I'd have to be the strong one but seeing her being so strong has…inspired me I guess, to try and keep myself together. She's my safety net in case I fail and I know that no matter what she'll catch me.

"But you don't wear one a these at home. So how will we know my baby's ok at home?" I sigh very slowly and squeeze Faith's hand a little. I can use some of that strength right now. With all the stress I've gone through the last few hours and now Addison asking me questions about all the fears a pregnant woman normally has…let's just hope I keep that inspiration I got from Faith.

"Well, that's what all those doctor's appointments are for. She doesn't have to wear one all the time 'cause her doctor makes sure the baby is ok. She's only wearin one now because the baby was sick last night," Faith says and rubs Addison's back a little bit. I hear a little knock on the door and I look over and see my family standing there, smiling and looking a little nervous. Willow's in the front, Dawn and Xander are flanking her and Giles is in the back. I don't see Matthew or Kyle.

"Hey guys. I heard you were really givin 'em hell down there." Willow looks a little sheepish and all of them avoid eye contact and they walk into the room. Willow and Dawnie sit down on the bed and Xander and Giles stand on either side of it. It feels good being surrounded by all of them like this. "Where's Matthew?" It would be a perfect moment if he were here.

"He, uh, got a little…upset so Kyle took him for a walk. They'll be here soon though." I know he's taking this whole thing with Addison really hard. Faith told me last night that he was trying so hard not to cry when she told him that his neck was bright red and his back was so tense that he finally relaxed he had to take some painkillers his muscles had been so tight. He's upset and I really want to go to him but I can't. This is one of the worst feelings in the world. "We brought you two some stuff." Why didn't I notice the shopping bag? It's big and pretty full. She puts it on the edge of the bed and starts pulling stuff out of it.

"We got some coloring books, and crayons, and colored pencils." She puts those down on the bed next to me. Then she reaches back into the bag. "And we got some more Dr. Seuss books and we brought your 'Green Eggs and Ham'." She hands those to Addison. "And some Winnie-the-Pooh books." She pulls out six more books and hands them to Addison. That's it, the bag's empty. Wait…I don't mean to be selfish but they said they go stuff for the both of us, but they only got stuff for her. Am I missing something? Is there another bag?

"Will, I thought you said you got us both stuff," I say and try not to sound like I'm whining but it's a little hard. I'll just blame it on the hormones, they all believe that. See, when you're pregnant you get to be as bitchy as you want to anybody and get away with it. Pregnant women aren't as crazy as everyone else thinks, it's just really fun when you don't have to pretend to be nice to someone when they're pissing you off. Same with the crying thing. Normally I can get my way if I tear up because Faith can't stand to see it. But there are times when she's able to resist. But not when I'm pregnant. If I had cried last night I probably would have gotten out of that exam. But I was a little worried about myself and the baby. Anyway, Willow gives me this little frown and looks down at the coloring books and crayons.

"We did, we bought you the coloring stuff. We all know how much you like to doodle when you're nervous. And this way you'll be able to color a cute little horsy while…" she looks over at Addison and then back to me. "Stressful stuff is happening." I give her a small smile and gently squeeze her hand. "And we figured that since Faith likes to read to the kids so much all those books are like a present for her too." I look over at Faith and she's wide eyed and looking very surprised and a little embarrassed. Yeah, I told Willow what it's like when Faith reads to the kids. I thought she was gonna have a heart attack she laughed so hard. I look over at the door when I hear another knock and I see Dr. Montgomery standing there and she looks a little…excited?

FPOV

So I'm about to get all defensive about my reading habits when there's a knock on the door, I don't know why people keep knockin, the door's wide open but whatever. Anyway, there's a knock on the door and this hot redheaded doctor is standin there and she's tryin not to smile but she's failing at it pretty bad. What the fuck is up with her? Now that she has all of our attention she steps into the room and takes a look around at everyone before lookin at me.

"I have some good news, there's an opening in the O.R. and if you want we can reschedule Addison's surgery to right now instead of waiting around all day." Well that is some good fuckin news. 'Cause if I have to wait all day I think I might have a heart attack. B gives me a look and I smile and nod my head. Then she tells the doctor that it would be great and we'll go ahead and do that. "Great. I need to take her for a few minutes to prep her, and you can see her before she goes in-"

"No." Addison says and pulls away from B so she's sittin up on the bed. Ok, what the fuck? I think everyone in the room is thoroughly confused at this point. Me and B start rubbin her back at the same time and she tenses up a little bit. That's never a good sign and if we're not careful she'll start screamin at us.

"Addison, the doctor said she can make you better sooner," B tells her and runs her fingers through our girl's hair. Addy pulls away. "So please baby, go with the nice doctor she can get you ready." If I weren't expecting it Addy would've jumped off the bed. But I knew she'd tried to get away from us and if she did the I.V. would've been ripped outta her little hand and it could've messed her up.

"No, not 'til I see Brother." Oh, that's the reason why. She starts fighting against me a little bit but I hold her against me and make a soft shushing sound. That always calms her down. And it works…a little. She's not struggling but she's still wicked tense.

"But, Addison, the doctors wanna make you better," Dawn says and puts her hand on her back but Addy flinches so she pulls her hand back. And at just the very wrong time an orderly with a gurney shows up. I guess Dr. Montgomery went ahead and reserved that room thinkin we'd go ahead and take it. Well, we were but I'm not gonna make my little girl do somethin she doesn't want to. This is somethin scary and if she wants to see Mattie before then she's gonna. But I guess she thinks we're going to make her go because she starts screaming at the top of her lungs. She forces her way out of my arms and tries to jump off the bed but I grab her.

"No! No! I wanna see Brother first! Nooooo!" She's kickin and wigglin around so damn much I have to stand up so she won't accidentally kick B's stomach. Four doctors are in the room now, two of 'em are holding syringes that are filled with a yellowish liquid. They need to back the fuck off before they get smacked. "No! No, no, no, no, no!" I think that's the only word she can say right now 'cause she's so panicked. I've never seen her like this before and I never wanna see her like it again. I have her around her middle, her back is pressed against my chest and her legs are curled up and she's clawing at my arms. It fuckin hurts and I think I'm bleeding.

"Shhh baby, shhh," I tell her and turn her around so her face is hidden in my neck. I rub her back and she starts hitting me, saying the word no over and over again. But I finally get her calmed down enough so she isn't hitting or screaming, but she's sobbing loudly and saying no over and over. I look over at everyone and they all got tears in their eyes. B looks so…helpless 'cause she can't get out of that bed. I sit down on Addy's bed and adjust it so the top part is slanted. I lean my back against the pillows and let my baby cry as hard as she can against my chest. Her little body is shaking really hard and the front of my shirt is soaked with tears.

"Shhh, angel girl, shhh. You're not goin anywhere. Shhhh." I keep tryin to comfort her but it's no use. She's too…far gone I guess. I've seen her panic before but that was so much more…intense. It was scary to see and now that my adrenaline is calmin down, it was also painful. I look down at my left arm and there are these wicked deep marks from where she was scratchin me and they're bleeding pretty bad. But I ignore it 'cause my baby needs me right now. As I'm rubbin her back and tellin her everything is ok I hear B and the doctor talking.

"I'll call a psych consult," the doctor says. A psych consult? Like a psychologist or some shit like that? They think my baby's crazy? Ok, Faith, control the anger, don't let it control you.

"No, it's fine. She just needs to see her brother. She's never had a surgery before so this is all scary. But she'll be fine." I don't know. I mean, she could really want to see Mattie or she could be using the fact that he's not here as an excuse so she doesn't have to go into the O.R. I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to have an operation either. With my luck with hospitals I'd probably never wake up. "We'll keep the operation on the schedule we set up last night, thanks." She's goin in at four today to get the tumor takin out. They're gonna put my baby on a table and cut her open.

I close my eyes and just feel my baby pressed against me, holdin onto me like I'm her lifeline. I hear the doctors leave. I know it's them 'cause they're all wearin the same kind of shoes, Nike runnin shoes. I gently rub my baby's back and she quiets down a little. She's so tired. She got barely any sleep last night. She woke me up a few times and she couldn't remember where she was. She's never been in the hospital before, well, when she was born but never after that. B never woke up 'cause she was so exhausted. So I'd sneak out of the bed and hold our baby and sing to her until she went back to sleep. But she's still so exhausted. And all this stress is finally catchin up to her.

"Shhh, baby, go to sleep," I whisper and feel her relax a little more. She's not cryin anymore, but she'll hiccup every once in a while and she's still clingin onto me like someone's gonna try to take her away. I keep my eyes closed and I ignore everything around me except for her. I need to forget where I am. I need to forget about the stress and what might happen today. The doctors are pretty confident that everything is gonna be ok, but things can go wrong. My little baby can die today and if she dies I don't think B's gonna be able to handle the hurt, and my other little baby, the one growin in B's stomach could die too, and somethin could go wrong with that too and B could bleed out and die too. So I need to forget about all this possible death 'cause it's just too much.

"Faith," I hear B say but I ignore her. I just need to forget, just for a little while. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Faith, baby, open your eyes." I open 'em just a crack and see that everyone else is gone and the door is shut. I open 'em all the way and sit up a little straighter and Addy moves around and lets out a little groan. Even when she's asleep she'll let her opinion be known. "Scoot over a little." I take a good look at her and she's not hooked up to anything. What? I thought the doctor said she still had six more hours to go? I guess not 'cause the little monitor for the baby is gone. So I scoot over and B uses the little remote thing to make the bed lay flat. And she lays down next to me, on her side, and I roll over onto my side so Addy's in between us.

"Did they say how long the surgery is gonna take?" she whispers and gently stroke Addy's hair, the part that's getting shaved off. When she gets outta here and has a clean bill of health I'm gonna go out and buy her a bunch of hats in all different colors, maybe even a few of those round ones like on Gilligan's Island. Definitely some Boston Redsox baseball caps. Lots and lots of those. Her hair is one of the things she asked about last night when she woke up. She asked how the doctors are gonna get to her head is her hair is in the way and I had to tell her the truth. So I said they're gonna shave off just a little bit and she got a little upset so I'd told her we can get her some hats. That made her feel a little better. So as soon as we get home it's gonna be hats-galore.

"They said it could take up ta five hours. It just depends on how she responds to the drugs that they're gonna give her to go to sleep. And then they're gonna do a biopsy on the tumor to see if we have any else to worry about, and they want her to stay here for at least a week and if her eyes aren't botherin her anymore and she goes back to normal then we can take her home," I whisper back and give our girl a little kiss on the back of the head. B walked out yesterday when the doctor was talkin about all this so she didn't know the plan.

"They think it'll be benign, but they're not sure." In other words this shit could come back. They already did some blood tests and a full body MRI to make sure she doesn't have it anywhere else. But it could come back. And it could come back in a place they can't operate and she could die. Ok, Faith, stop freakin out. You're just bracing yourself for crash position and you're not even sure if the plane is goin down. I just need to keep thinkin positive, the doctors will get this out of her and everything will go back to normal……..yep, back to normal…………..everything's gonna be normal again……..ok, it's really hard to think that when this is one of my babies we're talking about. If it was me about to be cut open and poked at then I'd be able to believe it, or at least enough to fool everyone else.

"How are you handling all of this?" B asks and I give her a weird look. She licks her lips and shifts around a little and starts rubbin Addy's back. "Yesterday when the doctor told us what was wrong…." She pauses for about thirty seconds, it feels like an eternity. "I couldn't even stay in the room to listen to him explain what was going to happen. And you talked to Matthew…I don't think I would have been able to drive home let alone tell him what's going on.

"And then we thought something was wrong with me and this baby," she puts a hand over her stomach. "We could have lost it, and you took care of everything, stayed composed enough to make me get an exam. You even called everyone here, I didn't even think of doing that. How are you handling everything?" I don't know what to say. How do I answer that? I don't know how I've been handling everything, I just have. Like I'm on autopilot or something. But I have to tell her something because she looks pretty desperate for an answer.

"I just know I have to be strong 'cause if I'm not then everything'll fall apart." Ok, well that's a little bit of how I'm doin it. Denial of the seriousness of the situation is another part. Bottling everything up for later…that's a main one. Keeping things inside is what I'm good at. I've had years of practice. Should I tell her that part? Maybe if I word it a little different and leave out the years of practice. Nah, I think I'll just leave it at that 'cause she looks a little satisfied with my answer. But I should add somethin a little cheesily romantic to really put her at ease. "And I wanna be here for you 'cause I know how worried you are even though you're hiding it. You shouldn't have to be the strong one all the time. I'm here to take care of you and that's what I'm gonna do…always." Her eyes are watering up a little bit.

"And no one could ever take care of me as good as you do," she says and leans over and gives me a big, wet kiss. I kiss her back but we break apart when Addy starts to move around. I guess we were kinda squishin her a little. Then B looks into my eyes and she's gettin all…introspective? I think that's the word. She reaches over and gently caresses my cheek. I smile a little and give the palm of her hand a little kiss. "What did I do to deserve you? How did I get so lucky?"

Ok, and why does she think she's the lucky one? I open my mouth to talk but she puts her thumb over my lips. "Can we just go to sleep now?" I sigh and give her a little smile and nod my head. Maybe when I wake up none of this will be real and I'll be at home playing video games with Mattie while Addy colors next to us on the floor and B screams about somethin that Tucker did. Yeah, that would be perfect.

BPOV

"You shoulda let them make you better. You shouldn't have waited." Matthew says and Addison gives him a weird look. We were only asleep for like an hour and a half and then one of the nurses woke us up because she had to check Addison's vitals, just routines stuff. And thirty minutes later everyone came back, including Matthew. Willow didn't want to say it in front of Addison what freaked Matthew out so bad earlier, so she told me when we walked to a vending machine to get everyone some snacks.

They were waiting out in the lobby for the visiting hours to start and a couple security guards were at the elevator so none of them could come up, and there was a small group of people waiting out there because a member of their family was getting an operation done. And the doctor came out and told them that they died on the operating table, that an artery ruptured and they bled out. And Matthew almost got sick and was holding back tears so Kyle took him outside and they walked around for a little while and he got Matthew to open up.

I almost started crying when Willow told me that. Just the thought of my son getting that upset and me not being there to help him…I almost couldn't take it. But I forced myself to calm down and bottled it away. I keep doing that…locking things up. It isn't good for me and probably what caused that little bit of pain in my stomach. I need to find a release for it soon or things could go from really bad to…whatever is after really bad. But I have to be strong, because I know Faith said she was going to take care of me but I don't want her to have to. I want her to take care of our babies, I'll be fine, she should focus on them instead. I don't want her to worry about me because she already has so much on her plate right now.

"But I wanted to see you, Brother, 'cause I might not wake up again." Oh my God. Did she really just say that? And she said it so casually too, like it's no big deal. All of that strength I was talking about having earlier, all of those bottled up feelings…well the cork's about to burst off the bottle. I'm like a ticking time bomb now and I could burst into tears any minute now. I look away from them and cover my mouth with my hand and try to make it look like I'm thinking or something, but I'm really trying to make my lips stop quivering. My eyes are watering up really bad too. I feel Faith rub my back before she gets up and sits down on the bed with the kids.

"Hey, don't say stuff like that. You're gonna be fine. The doctor's are gonna make you better again. You're gonna be fine." She already said that part. But she doesn't sound like she's trying to convince herself. So maybe she's saying it to make the kids feel a little more at ease. "And when we get home I'll buy you all those hats that I promised ya, and we'll eat whatever you wanna eat for dinner." It'll be nothing but PJ's Diner and Chinese food. Good thing both places deliver because when this is all over I doubt I'm gonna feel like going anywhere. And what was the thing about the hats? When did Faith promise her that? It is nice though, because they have to shave some of her head and I know she's going to be a little self-conscious about it.

"Could we have Lee's?" See, I told you. Lee's Chinese Palace is some of the best Chinese food ever. We all love it. And when Addison was still really little it was so funny watching her eat the noodles. She'd put the end of one in her mouth and suck it up in one big slurp. It was rare that we ever made spaghetti because of how messy it is but I'm sure she would have done the same thing. Ok Buffy, stop reminiscing about the past, it'll just depress you and make you think bad thoughts.

"Yeah, we'll order lots and lots of Lee's and lots and lots of stuff from PJ's," Faith says and gives her a little kiss on the head. I don't know how she's dealing with all of this. I'm a wreck over here and she's keeping it all together. I asked her about it earlier before we took that nap and she made up some cheesy lines about being strong for me, but I know it was just to make me feel better. And it did a little bit. She's doing what she does best: telling me sweet little lies. But the good feeling didn't last very long because I woke up and everything was still the same. This wasn't just some horrible nightmare. I look over at the door when I hear a little knock. I see a nurse standing there with a gurney behind her.

"We need to take her to prep. You'll be able to see her before we take her upstairs." 'Take her upstairs' why does that sound so…scary? I sigh and everyone in the room gives her a big hug and a kiss. I pick her up and take her over to the gurney and set her down. She seems fine, a little scared but other then that fine. She's being so brave. Then again we haven't really told her the seriousness of it. I have no idea where she got the idea that she might not wake up.

"I'll see you in a little bit, ok angel girl?" I ask and give her a little kiss on the forehead. She nods her head and gives me a kiss on the cheek and the nurse wheels her away. She had to say her goodbyes with the scoobs because when we see her again it'll be right before she goes into the operating room so only Faith and Matthew and me will be able to see her. I just stand there and watch until the elevator doors close and I can't see her anymore. I feel someone wrap their arms around me and I lean back into them.

"Don't worry Buff, she's gonna be fine." I smile and put my hands on top of Xander's. I know she's going to be ok. I have to know it, I have to believe it because if I don't…it'll be like I killed her if anything goes wrong and I won't be able to handle that. I step forward and he lets go of me. I turn around and give him a hug.

"Thanks. I know she's going to be ok but I just can't help but worry. She's my little baby, ya know? What if this was Miranda?" I pull back and he nods his head. He loves his little girl so much, and she's such a daddy's girl. "And it's not just the surgery. Mom's surgery went fine. It was after…when she was getting better. I don't think I'm ever going to stop worrying about that happening to her." He wraps his arms around me and squeezes me a little tighter then he normally would. I have to be careful though because he does need to breathe.

Ok, it's not that I don't appreciate that he's out here but why is Xander comforting me? Where's Faith at? You'd think she'd be the one out here considering our daughter was just wheeled away to get some of her head shaved. I look into the room and she's sitting down in one of the plastic chairs and Matthew's sitting in her lap and his neck is buried in her neck. I walk into the room and pull up another one of the blue chairs and sit down. I rub his back and he starts to shake a little bit. This is so hard on him. I didn't think he'd be this bad. I know him and Addison are really close but I never imagined this.

"What if she doesn't wake up?" he asks in barely a whisper and I can hear his throat tighten because of the sob trying to force its way out. Faith says a lot of things to reassure him and I keep rubbing him back. But he's right, what if she doesn't wake up? Then what? What are we going to do if she doesn't wake up? How do we handle it? How do we move on? A parent should never have to bury their child, that's not how it's supposed to work. And I know it's hard to lose a parent, it was so hard when I lost my mom but me and Dawnie did move on, and even though we really want her back, we're better now. If we lose Addison how do we get over that?

I see Dawn leave the room and Kyle follows her out. This is hard on Dawnie too. And not just because this is happening to Addison but because it's also bringing back old memories and feelings, from when this was happening to our mom. If there's one thing I'm glad about right now it's the fact that the doctors were able to catch this really fast. I don't know what I would have done if we had to wait. Knowing something is really wrong but not knowing what…I'd probably go crazy. That probably would have driven me to a miscarriage. I just wish the news had been better. Like, 'oh she has some allergies. Here's some eye drops, two drops three times a day and everything will be fine'. Not, 'she has a tumor in her brain and she could go blind even with the surgery, we need to cut her open'.

I hear a knock at the door and the nurse is back. She motions for us to follow her and we do. We ride a very silent and awkward elevator ride up one floor and we're led into a really bright room where my baby girl is lying on a bed in a little gown, different then the other one, this one is plain white. I can see the bald spot on her head and she's rubbing it with her fingertips. It's bigger then I thought it was gonna be. I look over at Faith and she's holding onto Matthew's hand and he's leaning against her, like he can't stand on his own or something. We walk up to the edge of the bed and Addison looks up at us.

"Look at this," she says and points to the bald spot. "It's gonna take forever to grow back. The lady said it was gonna be a little spot, not half my head!" It's not half her just a small chunk but she's little and little kids tend to exaggerate. I hear the door open and Dr. Montgomery and Dr. Moon walk into the room. I guess Dr. Montgomery is going to be in on the surgery too. They're both wearing scrubs, and scrub caps. All they need now are the gowns and the gloves and facemask and they're ready to go. I look back at my little baby and she looks nervous, really nervous.

"Ok angel girl, the doctors are going to make you all better now, ok?" I ask and she just sits there. I give her a big hug and a kiss on her forehead. "We'll see you in a little while, ok?" She nods her head yes and then Faith talks to her for a couple minutes. She tells her how the anesthesia is going to make her feel a little loopy before she goes to sleep. She calls it 'happy gas'. Then she tells her some of the things that we're going to do when Addison is all better. That we'll have one big family day and do whatever she wants to do. Then she takes a step back and stands on the other side of me and holds onto my hand. I watch as Matthew steps forward. He looks…scared. He puts his hands on the rail on the side of the gurney and Addison puts one of her hands on top of his.

"It's ok, Brother. Mommy and Mama said I'm gonna be ok. So I'm gonna be ok." He just nods his head. He's trying so hard not to cry. I've never seen him like this before. It's heartbreaking to see. "And when we get home I get ta watch T.V. first." I can't help but smile. They have a limited amount on how much T.V. they can watch because I don't want that to be the only thing they do. And they always fight over it because they don't like the same shows. And don't even get me started about the movies. They always fight over which movie they want to watch. And those fights can go on for hours.

"Ok," he says and she leans over and gives him a big hug. "But you're not watching 'American Dragon'." I can't help but smile a little at that. That's the show that they're always fighting about because he hates it and she loves it. She pulls back from the hug and gives him a little smack on the arm. "Hey, I'mma big brother, we're supposed to stop our little sisters from doin stupid stuff." Ok, tears in my eyes. Faith wraps her arm around my lower back and pulls me to her. I hide my face in her neck so the kids won't see my tears.

"We need to take her up now," Dr. Montgomery says and steps forward. Me and Faith give Addison one last kiss on the forehead before they start to wheel my baby out of the room. She panics a little bit but Faith calms her down and the doctors take her away. We just stand there for a few minutes after she's gone. I don't know what else to do. But Faith puts her hand on my lower back and holds onto Matthew's hand and leads us out of the room. We go back down to the lobby where the families usually wait and we join the others. I guess they've been waiting for us. I look down at my watch, it's five minutes after four. We could be waiting for five hours. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. I just hope I can get through it without breaking down.

FPOV

It's been two hours. We're all gettin a little restless. Xander has been pacing for the last half hour, B's biting her nails, Dawn's leg is shakin like there's no tomorrow, Kyle's scratchin at his bicep, Giles is cleaning his glasses, and Red's rubbin her hands together. Every once in a while they'll be this little white spark, like electricity or somethin but I know it's her magic. The thought of goin to Willow about the tumor didn't even occur to us. But I guess it wouldn't matter. According to B they thought about usin magic to save Joyce but it could have made things worst. Messin with the human brain is a dangerous and I'm not going to risk it with my baby.

I don't know what she did to make me better after my accident a few years ago. You remember, right? When I crashed my bike? Well, I don't know what she did or why it didn't fuck up but even if I had thought of it I wouldn't let her try it on my girl. Way too risky. I look over at my boy. He's the only one not movin around in some way. He's been starin at the elevator doors ever since he sat down. He hasn't said a word, hasn't looked away. He's just staring. As much as he wants to be I know he shouldn't be here for this. All this waiting around can't be good for him.

"Hey Mattie," I whisper and lean down a little closer to him. He lets out a little 'huh?' but he doesn't move, doesn't look away from the doors. "How about I have Kyle take you home? I'll call you when they're all done, ok?" He looks up at me like I just slapped him across the face. There's a little anger, and surprise, and a little hurt. But he shouldn't be here. I've been trying to force myself not to think it, but if the doctor does come out of those doors with bad news I don't want him to hear it. Not like that, not from someone he doesn't know. "Matthew, don't." He looks over at the doors when they open but it's just a nurse walking back to the large desk with some folders.

"Kyle," I say loud enough for everyone to hear. He looks over at me. "Will you take Mattie back to the house? I'll call when there's news, alright?" He nods his head and gives Dawn a kiss before he gets up. I look over at Mattie but he doesn't move. I give him a gentle shove with my elbow. "Go on. I promise as soon as we hear anything I'll call you." He gets up and B gives him a big hug and kiss bye but he won't let me touch him. He's never done that to me before.

"It's ok, baby, he's just stressed," B says and lays her head down in my lap. She's so tired. I don't know how she's still awake, especially since she can't have caffeine. I've had at least seven cups of coffee today and I'm not a big coffee drinker. I usually have one, maybe two cups in the morning but that's it. I guess I'm drinkin it just to give me somethin to do. I can't just sit here and do nothing, I might go crazy. And craziness and me don't have the best track record. I gently run my fingers through her hair with one hand and rub her stomach with the other.

"I know…still hurts a little." She smiles and turns her head to the side and kisses my stomach. She stares up at the ceiling and zones out. I don't know what she's thinkin about but it must be of better times 'cause she has this little smirk on her face. I'll ask her about it later. I can't just sit here anymore. I think I am goin crazy. I need to get out of here. I just…I can't be here anymore. "Hey, baby?" I ask and she looks up at me. She looks a little nervous. "Will you be ok if I leave for a little bit?" She looks a little…mad. I feel bad about leaving. I mean, my baby's on an operating table and I wanna leave? I know I'm being really selfish but I need to get out of here before I go insane. "I just…I can't wait around anymore. I think I'm goin crazy." She gets a sympathetic look on her face and she sits up.

"Ok, baby, but don't be gone long ok? I'll call you if the doctors come out." I give her a kiss on the lips and stand up and stretch my arms above my head. I won't be gone long, half an hour maybe. I just…with the waiting and bottling everything up, and not just now but ever since we found out what's going on, I need an outlet. I need to get it out before it explodes. And if I sit here any longer I think it will. I lean down and give her one more kiss before I leave. I can't remember where I parked the car. Oh…there it is. I hop in and start it up. It's B's sedan so there's no vibrating at it comes to life. That's one of the things I like most about my Camaro, it feels like it's alive. I turn on the radio 'cause I can't stand silence and I pull out onto the road.

Everything out here looks so…normal. Like nothing bad at all is happening. I guess I never really thought about it before. How everyday people die, and not just from demons and vampires and things I can stop. But from cancer, and heart failure, and tumors and all the millions of things I can't do a thing about. And everything else just goes on like it's not happening at all. Like it doesn't matter. Times doesn't stop, the world doesn't end, everybody doesn't mourn. They all just go on, living their lives in blissful ignorance to all the pain around them. Ok, I really need to stop thinking like this.

I pull into the parking lot and shut off the car. I take in a deep breath and let it out really slow. Can I do this? Yeah, I think I can. It's only walking up to a door and knocking on it. No big deal. So that's what I do. I stand here for about a minute before it opens. I just stand here and look up at him. I don't have to say anything, I guess the sad look on my face lets him know that something isn't right. He steps aside and lets me in. I sit down at the foot of the bed and toy with the car keys in my hand. I can't go to anyone else, I can't let anyone else see me cry because I have to be strong for them. He's the only one that can be strong for me. At least I hope so.

"You remember on Saturday how Addy knocked over that glass of soda and B said that her eye had been bothering her?" I look up at him and he nods his head. He's leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest and a patient look on his face. I can remember a million times he's shown me that look before. "Remember how B said she set up a doctor's appointment for yesterday?" Again just a simple nod. "Well, we took her to the doctor, he couldn't find anything wrong, so we took her an eye doctor and she couldn't find anything wrong so we took her to a neurologist at the hospital and he found something wrong." I choke back a sob and wipe the tears away from my eyes. I came in here with every intention of breaking down but I just can't make myself do it.

"How bad is it?" he asks in that gruff voice. God I miss the sound of his voice, not this one, but the one before the accident. It's always been deep but so soothing at the same time. Especially when he'd whisper so only I'd be able to hear what he was saying. His 'sweet little whispers' that's what I called 'em when I was little.

"Bad. Real bad." He sits down on the bed next to me and puts a hand on my back. I remember when I was eight I was riding my bike down the street and the neighbor's dog jumped the fence and knocked me down. It didn't wanna hurt me, just wanted to chew on the tires, but I got hurt pretty bad. So my dad ran me into the hospital 'cause he thought I had a concussion. He let go of me when the doctor had him put me on the bed but that was it. I was sittin in his lap with his arms wrapped around me and my face was against his chest. I could smell is cologne and I felt so safe. I want that. I want that again.

"She has a tumor in her brain, it's fuckin up her eye. They're takin it out right now." I stop to hold back the sob and he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer to him. "My baby's sick and there's nothing I can do about it." He pulls me into his lap and I cry really fuckin hard. I cling onto him just like Addy clung onto me back at the hospital when the doctor wanted to operate earlier then we planned. I cry against him just like she cried against me.

Everything that I've been bottling up is coming out only I don't feel any better. I thought this would make some of the hurt go away, some of the worry and panic and anger and everything else I was feelin, but it's not. It's not but I can't stop crying. Now that I've started I can't stop and he's holding me and stroking my hair and kissing the top of my head. I remember how he used to this to me when my mom's words did get to me. He always told me to just ignore her but when you're little it's hard not to take some of that shit personal. And he'd hold me and let me cry, just like he is now.

The tears are startin to calm down a little and I'm not sobbin as hard. My eyes are gettin heavy though. But I can't go to sleep. I need to get back to the hospital. Even if I feel like I'm about ready to drop I need to get back, I promised B. I need to get back and check on her, make sure she's doin ok. And my little, little baby, the one still in her stomach. I need to make sure both of 'em are ok. I should probably call home and see ow Mattie's doin. I have too many things to do to sleep right now. Too many things to get done. I yawn really wide and snuggle into my dad a little closer and close my eyes again. Well, maybe for just a couple minutes.

"Dolly-face." No, I don't wanna go to school today. I was havin a good dream. I feel somethin shake my shoulder. "Dolly-face, wake up." No. I don't wanna. "Faith, get up." Ok, jeez, don't pull a muscle. I open my eyes a little and take a look around. This isn't my bedroom. Where the fuck am I? I look up and see my dad lookin at me, tryin to wake me up. What is he doin here? And why does this pillow smell like cheese? "Buffy called your cell phone so I answered it. You gotta get back to the hospital." Hospital? Why would I need- oh fuck! I try to jump off the bed but my body hasn't quite caught up with my mind and I almost fall. "I'll drive ya there." Ok then.

We leave the room and get into his car and the interior is just as crappy as the outside. The dashboard's all fucked up, the seats are fallin apart and you have to start it with a screwdriver. But I don't care about any of that right now. I just need to get back to the hospital. What happened? Did something bad happen? Did everything go ok? Was the tumor malignant? Is it gonna come back? Did Addy wake up yet? Is she blind or can she still see? Is she even alive? How could I have fallen asleep for so long? I wish I knew what time it is. I really need ta know. Is Buffy ok? Did she have a miscarriage? Or is Addy still in surgery and Buffy just needs me there with her?

My dad parks the car and we jump out and take off towards the front doors. He follows me over to the elevator and I push the button for the third floor. That's where everyone is. Or at least that's where they were when I left. I don't know if they're still there or not. Come on, can't this thing move any faster? What is taking so fuckin long? I swear this is the slowest elevator on the fuckin planet. Finally the doors fuckin open. We step out and I walk down the hall towards the waiting area. I see everyone sitting there, lookin up at Buffy. She's standing up and listening to Dr. Montgomery as she tell her…whatever it is she's tellin her.

"We were able to stop the bleeding, but she needed a transfusion." That doesn't sound good at all. "The tumor was a lot deeper in her brain then we thought. And because we had to go deeper she lost more blood then we anticipated." That doesn't sound good either. But all of this means she's still alive, right? I mean, you don't give a blood transfusion to a dead person. And the doctor doesn't sound sad or anything, so Addy's still alive? "We won't know until she wakes up if she can still see or not." Thank God she's alive. "We're running a biopsy of the tumor and we'll have the results sometime tomorrow. And if everything checks out and she recovers as good as we think she will you'll be able to take her home in a week." B thanks the doctor and she walks off. I wrap my arms around Buffy and she hugs me back just as tight.

"She's fine, everything's fine," B says and I can feel her tears on my neck. I rub her back and stroke her hair but she needs to get this out. She's holding back though. She's not gonna cry in front of the others. She sniffles really fuckin loud and pulls back from the hug and wipes the tears that were startin to fall. "Where did you go?" She asks and I look around for my dad. He's sittin in one of the chairs a few seats away from everyone else. She follows my gaze and smiles a very small smile at him. Then we look at each other and I take in a deep breath.

"I…I just needed someplace ta go, ya know?" she nods her head yes. Of course she'd understand, 'cause she felt the same. "And I sorta fell asleep." I can't help but look away. How could I fall asleep? Buffy needed me here, I knew that and yet. "How long was I gone?" She tells me I was only gone for an hour. Thank God. If I had been gone any longer then that then I'd really feel like an ass. "Well, I need to go call Mattie, and then we'll go see her, how does that sound?" She says it's fine and I give her a big kiss and another hug and then another kiss before I go to the pay phones and call the house. She's ok. My baby girl's ok. I don't think I've ever felt more relieved in my entire life. I just hope things stay ok, 'cause I don't know how much more I can take.


	32. ABMASAACW

A Bambi Moment, A Slip, And A Confused Witch  
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**One Week Later.** FPOV

"Addison, you need to sit still please," Dr. Moon says and Addison fidgets around a little more. This little check up should have been done ten minutes ago but my girl just won't sit still. She's restless and she doesn't like to be touched when she's restless. I understand that feeling 'cause I get the same way.

"I can't sit still with you pokin at me," she says and the doctor tries to hold her eyelid up to shine the little flashlight thing in her eye but she pulls away. He sighs and stands up straight and looks to us for help. Me and B have been standin out of the way after B got yelled at by a nurse earlier. It was hilarious you should have seen the embarrassed look on B's face. Priceless.

"I have to poke you to discharge you, and the sooner I discharge you the sooner you can go home," he says in a very soft and patient voice. She sighs and nods her head yes and he sits down on the bed again and starts looking at her eyes. "Ok, can you follow the tip of my pen?" he asks and takes a pen out of his coat pocket and she looks at the tip and he moves it back and forth and she follows it with her eyes, and then up and down and then around in a big circle.

"Everything looks great. She's recovered a lot quicker then I expected." Well, she is a slayer. "I know Dr. Montgomery said a week, but she can sometimes be a little…overly optimistic." Ouch, I think I just got scratched from all that harshness. He must really hate her. I wonder if she gets paid more? "I'll have a nurse bring in the discharge papers. I'd like to set up and appointment for sometime next week, just to make sure everything is still ok." I nod my head and he leaves the room.

"Where's Brother at?" Addy asks and shifts around a little bit. The first time we saw her when the surgery was done Mattie was with us and he freaked out. She was lyin in the hospital bed, the meds were keepin her asleep and her head was wrapped up with one of those big bandages and there was a little dark spot from the blood where they cut her head open. She looked so…small and…honestly she looked dead. Mattie freaked out and he's only been back once. The day before yesterday, he came and gave her a giant stuffed dog that he bought her with Kyle's money. And when I say giant I mean giant, this thing is bigger then she is and she's been using it as a pillow ever since he gave it to her.

"He's at home, baby, with everyone else," B says and stroke her hair a little. The bandages have come off and the stitches have been taken out and there's a scar where they made the cut on her scalp, but her hair will cover that up when it grows back. I have a small bag of hats with me but I haven't shown her that yet. Kinda want to surprise her. Addy sighs and touches the bald spot. She's been scratchin at it for a while now. I think she's gonna keep scratchin at it until her hair grows back. Buffy reaches down next to her and pulls up the tote bag that she brought. It has one of Addy's outfits and some socks and shoes. She's still wearing the hospital gown.

"Ok, baby, lets get you dressed before the nurse comes in, ok?" She puts the bag on the bed and Addy dresses herself. The only thing she has trouble with is the socks, but that's normal. She slips her shoes on and B ties the laces for her. She didn't bring the Velcro sandals 'cause Addy isn't wearin a dress or shorts or a skirt. Nope. She's in dark blue denim jeans, a light blue t-shirt with the word 'Princess' in big pink letters, and the shoes are her Converse. Yeah, B got her a pair of Converse. I got a little mad at her when she first bought 'em 'cause back in Boston only the punk and outcast kids wore Converse, it was just the rules and in high school you don't break the rules of the school's society. But I got over it.

"And look what I got ya," I say and put the bag of hats on the bed. There's ten of 'em. A few Boston baseball caps and some of those round ones like on Gilligan's Island and some that are just plain colors. She pulls the bag closer to her and opens it up and pulls 'em all out. She says a little thanks but doesn't look up. At least she said thanks. Most little kids usually forget that part. She picks the pink plain colored one and Buffy pulls an extra hair tie out of her purse and puts Addy's hair bad in a ponytail so it'll look cute or something. I wanna tell her 'it's just a fuckin hat', but I know that'll start a fight.

"Here are the discharge papers," the nurse says as she walks into the room. She hands me a clipboard and pen and I fill 'em out really quick and hand 'em back to her. Then she gives me another paper that I need to fill out, setting up the appointment for next week. I'd rather Addy just stay at home and rest but that's not gonna happen. B's gonna be freakin out for the next couple of weeks, makin sure that nothin bad post operation is gonna happen. I keep tellin her that everything is gonna be fine but she doesn't believe me. At least not fully. She wants to, I can see it in her eyes but after what happened to her…the only way she's gonna believe it is when she sees it.

"So," Buffy says, snappin me out of my little zone. "I was thinking we'd have Lee's tonight for dinner." Addy sits up a little straighter and nods her head. "And PJ's in the morning for breakfast." Sound like a plan to me. Now that we're all signed out and set up the appointment for next week we can get the hell outta here. I miss my home, and Mattie and my dog. Me and B haven't been home a lot since Addy was admitted here. We went home a couple times but for fresh clothes and a shower. And we always went one at a time so Addy was never alone. And I had to go get the car. My dad gave me a ride back to the motel and I drove the car back to the hospital. I hope Mattie doesn't feel…neglected or abandoned.

I park the car in the driveway and B leans over and gives me a little kiss on the cheek. She's been a lot more…affectionate and a little playful today. Probably because we haven't had sex in over a week. That's a long time for us. And for a while there our emotions were so high we really needed each other but we couldn't have each other. It would have been wrong to sneak off and have sex while our baby was being cut into and then recovering from it. But now that everything is all better I have a feeling something's gonna happen tonight or tomorrow. Not exactly sure which 'cause she might change her mind about tonight.

"Mama, who's that?" Addy asks as I pick her up out of her car seat and put her on the ground. I turn around and see what she's lookin at. There's a moving van in front of the house that's to the right of us. Well, since we're at the very end of this dead end road, it's to right night and down a little. There are three people out there, a man about six foot tall, black hair, pale skin, and pretty nice clothes. He's just like everyone else around here. Slacks and polo shirts. And the wife is no better. She's wearin a little sundress and white sandals, her hair is back in a tight bun. And she's wearing pearls, are those back in style or something?

The little boy is the only normal lookin one out of the three of 'em. Sloppy mop top brown hair, jeans with dirt stains on 'em, a t-shirt with a couple holes in it. But there's somethin about him…I don't know what…but he kinda reminds me of Xander when he was in high school. The kid's givin off this…geek vibe, which is totally unfair for me to say 'cause he's only like three or four. He looks over when I shut the car door and he sees Addy and she waves and smiles at him and the kid blushes and hides behind his mom. Oh yeah, it's a total Bambi moment. Ya know, when Bambi meets that little girl deer and hides behind his mom 'cause he's shy? Ok, knowing that much about Bambi is a total rep killer. Let's never talk about this incident again, alright?

"I don't know. They must be the new neighbors. Do you wanna go say 'hi'?" She nods her head yes and I guess B overheard us 'cause she's followin us, which is fine. I try to hold onto Addy's hand but she pulls away. Ouch. That stung. But she's always been really independent. So doesn't wanna hold our hands or follow us around the grocery store or any of that good stuff. I keep tellin myself it's a good thing that she's like this but it still stings when she pulls away. So we walk up to the new neighbors and they smile really wide at us and we smile back. "Hi, I'm Faith." I introduce myself and shake their hands. "This is my wife Buffy, and our daughter Addison." It's not that B can't introduce herself, but she likes it better when I do it 'cause she likes it when I say the words 'my wife'. She's weird like that.

"Well, it's nice to meet you. I'm Connie, this is my husband Dan, and our son…" she reaches around behind her and grabs the little boy by the arm and pulls him out in front of her. He tries to fight back but it's no use so he just stands there, staring at his shoes. I can't help but smile a little. He is a little cutie but not as cute as Mattie was when he was little. Then again I think I'm always gonna be bias about that. "Brad. Brad say hello." He looks up at us through his eyelashes but then looks down at the ground again really quick. "Bradley don't be rude, at least say hello to Addison." He looks at her then blushes and looks at the ground again. She takes a step towards him and I can't help but think 'this poor boy doesn't stand and a chance.'

"Hi Brad, I'm Addison," she says and holds out her hand for him to shake. But he doesn't. He looks at her hand for a couple seconds and then up at his mom and then at Addy but he doesn't say a word and doesn't move another muscle. Addy sighs and holds her arm out a little straighter. "I said 'hi Brad, I'm Addison." She takes a step towards him and he backs up a little so he's pressed up against his mom's legs. So Addy takes another step towards him and he panics and runs around behind his mom and hides behind her. And Addy being Addy, follows him. "He's really shy, Mama," she says and giggles that evil little giggle. Oh yeah, total Bambi moment. I mean…whatever.

"So, where are you guys from?" Buffy asks and holds onto my hand. And so begins the small talk. It's gonna be about half an hour of 'oh yeah, that's neat' and 'oh really, I love it too'. Oh the joy. But it isn't so bad. We actually have a lot in common with these people, which is surprising. I thought they'd be like all the other neighbors. Don't get me wrong we have really nice neighbors but we don't really have a lot in common. Sure I hang out with the guys and we watch sports and play pool but that's about it. I'm the only Boston fan, and the only decent pool player. They play poker too but I don't even wanna try because I know I'll end up takin all their money and they're egos are bruised enough because I'm better then them at pool.

"It was really nice meeting you, but we really need to get goin. We have some people waiting for us," I tell 'em and they nod their heads in understanding. Where did the kids go? They were just right here…a while ago. When did they run off? "Addison!" I hear her yell out 'what Mama?' from the O'Keefe's backyard. Yep, that's their last name, how weird is that? But it's nice to have some fellow Irish around here. Just another little thing we have in common I guess.

I see Addy and Brad run out from the backyard. Well, I should say I see Brad running like he's being chased by a hell beast and then I see Addy chasin after him. So I guess it's safe to say Brad's being chased by a hell beast. "Come on, baby, it's time to go." She looks disappointed but doesn't put up a fight. She walks up to Brad with this evil smile on her face and he just stands there, stock-still. Poor little boy is gonna be so traumatized. She gets really close to him, right up in his personal space and he looks too scared to move.

"Bye Brad, it was nice meeting you." Buffy taught her to say that. Says she wants our only daughter to have some manners since she can be such a little…she-devil, I guess is the proper comparison. Anyway, after she says that she leans in really close and gives Brad a little kiss on the cheek. His eyes get about three times bigger then they already were and his face is getting so red I think he's gonna pop a vessel. Then she giggles and runs over to me and B.

Hmm, I don't think I like the idea of her givin this kid a kiss. I mean, she's never kissed anyone goodbye before. Well, other then me or B and we pretty much have to force her to do that. Nope, I don't like this at all. I look over at B and she's smilin like it's the cutest thing in the world. Well, she isn't gonna agree with me on this. Addy's not even three, she doesn't need to be kissin boys for any reason.

I mean, she'll give Mattie the occasional kiss on the cheek, but that's 'cause he's her older brother and she loves him to death. So she doesn't need to be kissing another other boys. Ok, why am I freaking out about this? It was just one little innocent kiss on the cheek. But it was given by my daughter. I should just stop freaking out. If I keep obsessing about this B's gonna know somethin's up and bug me about it until I tell her and then she'll make fun of me. We all say one last goodbye to the new neighbors and walk back to our house. And the entire time I'm tryin to convince myself I'm not freakin out.

BPOV

Oh my God, Faith was totally freaking out just now. As soon as Addison put her lips against that poor boy's cheek Faith's neck turned so red. I thought she was going to pop of vessel she was so pissed. And I wasn't smiling because I thought Addison giving Brad that little kiss was cute, which it was. I was smiling because seeing Faith being so…overprotective was really cute. She tries to be the laid back mom, the one the kids look at more as a friend but oh she is so not that. Sure they roughhouse with her a little more and at least once a day I hear a 'why can't Mama do it?' when I'm trying to help them with something but she is from laid back and cool. And I am so going to mess with her a little bit.

"So, Addison, do you like Brad?" I ask and glance at Faith. We're sitting in the living room, Matthew's lying on the floor with Tucker and Addison's sitting at the other end of the couch. I'm practically sitting in Faith's lap and her arms around wrapped around me. This is how it usually is at night when we have our 'family T.V. time'. I have no idea what we're watching because I haven't been paying attention. I've been too wrapped up in the feeling of Faith's arms around me. Her skin is just so soft, how does do it? How is it this soft? And she smells really good. She is so getting some tonight.

"I don't know," Addison says and sighs this total 'woe is me' type of sigh. I can't help but roll my eyes. She's such a little drama queen. "He's really shy." He is really shy. Poor little boy doesn't stand a chance against my girl. She's very much like…like Faline from Bambi. She isn't shy and isn't afraid to get in your personal space but she's very friendly and innocent about it. She isn't a bully or anything and she can be a bit snippy but she usually isn't mean. "I chased him for a long time and he never even said 'hi'. And he didn't say 'bye' when we left, he just waved." And she lets out another 'woe is me' sigh.

"Well, then I guess you'll just have to make some different friends in daycare," Faith says a little too quickly. This is really bothering her. I know she can be protective of the kids and the thought of Addison dating when she's older can send Faith into a blind rage, but I didn't think she'd get this bent out of shape over a little innocent kiss. Then again knowing Addison she probably only did it to make the boy blush. I gotta give her credit, it worked very well. "If you still wanna go to daycare, I mean." Yeah, you better correct yourself. We don't want Addison to feel forced into it. I think if we let her think it's her idea to go then she'll be a lot less…resistant until she gets used to it.

"I dunno Mama," she says and shifts around on the couch. "I don't wanna go to daycare with a big hole in my hair." She's talking about her bald spot. She's been freaking out about that all week long. Ok, not really freaking out but she's been talking about it a lot and she's not happy about it. It's starting to grow back already though, she has some stubble so it shouldn't be long before it's all grown in.

"It's ok, baby, we can wait a while if you want," I tell her and Faith isn't too happy about it. Jeez, she really does hate that little boy, doesn't she? I don't see the big deal. It was just one little kiss. It's not like they ran off and played doctor or something. But I guess it could happen. I mean, Addison is around the age when little kids get curious about…the human form. So I guess we should be a little careful now that there's a little boy around her age living right next door. Alright, I'm getting kind of antsy over here. Time to get me some lovin. "Ok guys, it's time for bed." They whine and groan and protest. I give Faith a little wink and pucker my lips a little. She knows exactly what I want.

"Matthew, Addison." Wow, she actually used their full names. That's rare. "Don't argue. If we're gonna have breakfast at PJ's then you need to go to bed so we can leave early so they won't give away our table." They get up and get ready for bed, but they grumble about it. After they brush their teeth and change into their pajamas they give me a goodnight hug and kiss and Faith tucks 'em in. They're starting to fight that too now. At least Matthew is. He says he's getting too old to be tucked in.

I get up from the couch and go into my bedroom. I close and lock the door and get things ready. I light the ten candles I have on the dresser, the five on the vanity desk, the three on my bedside table and the three on Faith's. I shut off the overhead light and watch as the room seems to glow because of the candlelight. It's really pretty. I take off my clothes and change into my dark green satin slip. I put the clothes in the hamper and pull the covers down to the foot of the bed. I unlock the door and quickly lay down in the middle of the bed. I'm lying on my side with my left leg bent at the knee and my head resting in my hand and I'm watching the door. The slip is pulled up just right so you can't see anything but you can tell I'm not wearing any underwear. This slip is a little tight around the middle because of my bump. But that's ok. I'll rip it off if I have to.

I hear the doorknob turn really slow and Faith slowly opens the door. I smile a little sexy smile and she just stands there, staring at me with this 'you're so fuckin hot' look on her face. I giggle a little and curl and uncurl my toes. And she just stands there, lookin at me. Ok, this is getting a little annoying. I sit up on my knees and give her my best 'come-hither' look and she smiles but takes the bait. She walks into the room and closes and locks the door. She slips off her shoes and sit down on the foot of the bed. I crawl over to her and give her a little peck on the lips but pull away before it turns into more.

"Baby, I think you're a little overdressed, don't you?" I ask in my baby voice and look down at her. She's in jeans, and a t-shirt and socks. And she's most likely wearing underwear. Yep, way overdressed for this occasion. She smiles and takes off her shirt, revealing her black bra. I kiss her cleavage and she moans a little and reaches behind her and unhooks the bra. I gently pull it off of her, kissing the skin on her arms as the strap slips down it. When the bra is fully off I drop it to the ground and gently tease the side of her breast. I nibble a little and she tries to shift around so I'll pay attention to her rock hard nipple but I move up instead and leave a little hickie on her collarbone.

"Baby, please don't tease me." God she's so turned on. Her voice is so deep and husky it sounds like she has gravel in her throat or something, but in a very sexy way. She uses her index finger and thumb to lift my head up and she crushes our lips together in a deep and passionate kiss. I reach down and undo her belt and slowly pull it off and drop it to the ground. I try to unbutton her pants but she stops me. "Let's go slow, ok?" I nod my head and she kisses me again. I start to back up and she follows me without breaking the kiss, so we're sitting in the middle of the bed. She wraps her arms around me and gently rubs the sensitive spot between my shoulder blades. She knows that's a soft spot for me and I start moaning.

I lie back on the bed and pull her on top of me. But she keeps her lower half off to the side because she won't rest any weight on my stomach. She's afraid she'll hurt the baby. She was the same way when I was pregnant with Matthew. I pull back from the kiss when oxygen becomes a major issue and we're both panting wildly. I can feel her chest rising and falling against mine. My nipples are straining against the material of the slip, and I can feel hers rubbing against mine with every inhale she takes. I don't know how much longer I can last. I know she wants to go slow but I need her so bad.

"Faith, please, take me." She moans and kisses me again and I swirl my tongue on the roof of her mouth. She loves it when I do that. She grab onto my biceps and pulls be up with her into a sitting position. What the hell? Oh, she's trying to get the slip off. I better help her with that. I said earlier that I'd rip this off if I had to but I was exaggerating, this thing cost me almost thirty dollars, I'm not just gonna rip it up when we're trying to be conservative with our money. Anyway, once the slip is off and dropped safely to the floor she gently nibbles and sucks my breasts. She has to be careful because the pregnancy has made them very sensitive and if she's too rough it'll hurt really bad, and I don't want to start crying in the middle of sex, it'll bruise her ego way too much. She tries to lay me down on my back but I push her back instead.

I'm leaning over her and she's smiling up at me. I can see some of the candlelight reflecting in her eyes, making them flicker with gold. God she's so beautiful. I just wanna eat her up. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. I kiss her neck and suck on her pulse point. I can feel her hips lightly grinding against me. I kiss my way down her neck to her collarbone and down her chest. I gently suck and lick her nipples until she puts her hands on the back of my head. Then I kiss in between her breasts and work my way lower. I kiss down to her bellybutton and slowly circle it with my tongue. I blow a little bit of air on it and she giggles. I look up at her and smile. I kiss her bellybutton one last time before going lower.

I unbutton her jeans and pull the zipper down with my teeth. I hear her moan loudly and her hips buck sharply. I smile and slowly pull the denim down her hips and strong thighs. I can see the muscles quivering under her skin. I lean down and place a little kiss on top of her right thigh and she exhales sharply. I get the pants all the way off and pull of her socks. I kiss her big toe and she giggles and tries not to kick. Her feet are so ticklish you wouldn't believe it. I work my way back up her body, lightly kissing from the top of her right foot to her hip. She's trying to grind against my mouth but I'm holding her down. I don't want to give her any type of satisfaction until I'm ready for her to have it. I kiss my way across her abdomen and grab onto the waistband of her underwear with my teeth and drag them down her body and drop them to the floor.

I don't bother with kissing my way back up because I just wanna taste her so bad. I grab onto her knees and gently spread her legs apart. She gasps when the cool air of the room hits her as I expose her to me. What a little vixen. I guess she planned on getting some tonight because she took the time to trim everything up while she was in the shower this afternoon. I knew she was lying when she said she shampooed her hair three times, she never does that. And there's no other reason why she'd be in the shower for an hour.

Ok, enough looking. I lean forward until I'm settled into between her legs. Well, sort of. I'm on my knees and holding her hips down with my hands. Normally I'd lie down in between her legs but I can't lay on my stomach anymore. I lean down and slowly lick the length of her slit with the tip of my tongue. God, she's so fucking wet. She moans and tries to buck her hips but I have a pretty good hold on her. I take her throbbing clit in between my lips and gently suck on it. She's moaning and trying to rock her hips against me but I won't let her. She's talking a lot too, but that's normal.

"Fuck, B, your mouth feels so fuckin good." I smile and lick her slit again. She hisses in a breath and I look up at her. She's gripping onto the sheets hard enough to rip them a little. Hey! These are brand new sheets. And they're satin, so not inexpensive. But I'll worry about it later. "Baby don't tease me, please don't fuckin tease me." Alright, I won't. I lick her slit again and then drive my tongue up her pussy. She moans very loudly and rocks her hips against me. I'm not holding onto her hips as much as I was before. Kinda distracted doing other stuff now.

She's taste so good. God I missed this. It's been a while since I've gone down on her. Even before all the craziness that happened it's been a while since I've done this. Because I'm so sensitive in certain areas I've been more interested in clit to clit action, but it's nice to be able to focus on her like this. And I guess she really likes it too because she's getting louder and she's rocking against me a little more forcefully. I don't mind really, it's just that we're on satin sheets and I'm sweating a little so it's getting kind of slick and hard to balance, but it's fine.

I take my tongue out of her and lick up to her clit and tease it with my tongue. Now she's getting a little frustrated because I won't give any pressure, or hum. Sometimes I hum and she really likes that. I move back down to her entrance and lightly tease her with the tip of my tongue. I like teasing her, it's always a lot of fun. She always squeaks a lot more when she comes if you tease her. But she bucks a little extra hard and it knocks me off balance and I fall forward.

My tongue is deep inside of her and my nose is pressed against her clit and she moans really loud. I guess she likes this because she's grinding against me and when I try to pull back she puts her hands on the back of my head and holds me here. Normally I don't mind when she puts her hands on my head, I'm a little surprise she waited so long but she's holding me here and I can't breathe. I can't breathe! I try to pull back but she presses me against her harder. Ok, starting to panic because I feel like I'm about to pass out. I grab her wrists and pull her hands away from my head and bolt upright. I start coughing as the air fills my lungs and she looks at me weird.

"Why'd you stop? That felt so fuckin good, baby." She smiles and just lies there, her hands kneading her breasts and she smiles at me. Little scamp is trying to tempt me. I say try because I'm so out of the mood now. I mean, a near death will do that to you. She looks at me weird when I inhale deeply and relax a little bit. "What's the matter baby?" I give her this 'what do you think is the matter?' type of look.

"I almost suffocated, Faith. I fell forward a little and my nose got pressed against you and you just held me there and I couldn't breathe." Why is she smiling, this is so not funny. Not funny at all. I almost died. Why is she laughing? I already said this isn't funny. "And what's so funny?" I ask and take in another deep breath. She's trying to calm down but it isn't working very well. If anything she's laughing harder.

"Nothing," she says and lets out another very amused laugh. "It's just…imagine what the coroner's report would say: death by suffocation on her wife's pussy." She starts cracking up laughing. Her face is turning really red and she's holding her stomach. I can't help but laugh too. I guess that is pretty funny. I don't know why I was getting so bent out of shape about it. Stupid pregnancy hormones, they always fuck with me at the wrong times. "And…and when people find out they'll warn their kids about the dangers of oral sex and be like: now be careful kids you wouldn't want to fall in and suffocate like that Buffy Lehane did." I'm laughing really hard now too and lay down next to her because it's too hard to sit up.

"I guess these things really are dangerous, huh?" I ask and she nods her head yes. She has tears in her eyes she's laughing so hard. I know it isn't that funny, but with all the tension we've been through the last week and a half we really need a good laugh and here it is. "And you know how guys are always talking about how women will suck you in and never let go? Now we can honestly tell them that it's true." Ok, so that one was really lame, but whatever. We keep on laughing until it starts to slow and then it stops. And we're just lying here, looking into each other's eyes. "You wanna just get some sleep tonight or are you still worked up?" She smiles and gives me a little kiss on the lips.

"We can sleep for tonight, if you want. I can hold off until tomorrow. I mean, we can't risk something like that happening again. We wouldn't want you to become a eurotophobic, would we?" A what? But since she's smiling and just teasing I nod my head and tell her 'no, that would be bad'. She gives me another kiss on the lips and gets out of the bed. Hey, where's she going? I wanna cuddle. Stupid pregnancy hormones, making me all needy. Oh, she's just blowing out the candles. I guess that's a good thing. I mean, the house burning down would be bad. When that's done she crawls back into bed and cuddles up to me. "'Night baby, I love you," she whispers and kisses my shoulder. I wrap her arms tighter around me.

"G'night. I love you too." She kisses my shoulder again and I smile as a close my eyes. So tonight wasn't a total disaster. I mean, neither of us got off but at least we're happy. I sigh a very contented sigh and drift off to sleep.

FPOV

"And you should have seen Faith's face. I thought she was going to have a heart attack or something," B says and laughs harder then she was before. Faith who? What is she talking about? Ok, I can't play dumb, it's pretty much impossible. She's tellin her little scooby gang about yesterday when Addy kissed that little Brad kid. We're sittin in the living room have been for the last couple of hours. Red, B, and me are on the couch, Xander and Giles are on the loveseat. Dawn and Kyle are sittin in the recliner next to the couch. They're so lovey-dovey it's almost sickening. But I can't complain too much 'cause me and B were like that in the beginning of our relationship.

"Well, she's growing up. She's almost three going on twenty-five. Soon you'll walk into her room and catch her playing doctor with some little boy from school," Red says and she and Xander exchange a little glance, and I'm the only one who sees it. Everyone laughs at the comment except for me. B starts to laugh but then stops when the thought finally sinks in. Yeah, one of us'll walk in on her playin doctor and then we'll have to get the boy to a real doctor.

"So, Dawn, have you made any plans yet, for the wedding?" B asks, changing the subject very quickly and everyone notices it and they all smirk. Dawn starts talking about the plans that she's made so far. They don't know when the wedding is going to be, but she wants it in the fall when all the leaves are changing colors, and it's going to be outside in a park or somewhere with a lot of trees. I feel B shiver a little and ask if she's ok. She says she's fine but she has a little pout on her face and I know just what she wants. I sigh and move my arms out of the way. I put one across the back of the couch another across the arm of it, and B crawls into my lap and then grabs onto my wrists and wraps my arms around her. And while she's shifting around to get comfortable Dawn says somethin pretty interesting. At least I think it is.

"We want it," meaning she wants it. "Sometime next year, in the fall, we're not sure. All we really know is we want the baby to be at least five months, because then it'll be sleeping all through the night and we have someone watch it while we go on our honeymoon." Everyone in the room freezes and tenses up. Well, except for me. I'm staying calm and collected. "Oops," Dawn squeaks out when she realizes her mistake. She never said anything about her being pregnant. I think it's great. They've been together for almost a decade, it's about time they had a baby. Ok, so I just want to be an aunt. Is that so wrong? I mean, babysitting a niece or nephew isn't like taking care of your own kid. You can spoil a niece or nephew and give them lots and lots of sugar and let them be crazy because at the end of the day they're goin home with someone and they have to deal with the monster you created. I can't wait.

"You're pregnant?" B asks and turns around in my arms so she's facing Dawn. I tighten my grip a little bit. She's gonna try to kill Kyle, that's a given and everyone in the room knows it. "How far along are you?" Dawn gets a little uncomfortable and shifts around in Kyle's lap and he wraps his arms around her. I keep a close eye on B's face. She glares a little bit but Kyle doesn't back off. I don't think him bein stubborn is a really good idea right now, but I like that he isn't backing down. B's been walkin all over him ever Dawn brought him over for dinner to meet us, and that was seven years ago. It's about time he stood up for himself, even if it does get his arms ripped off.

"Three and a half months. I found out two weeks ago. I was going to tell you, that's mostly why we were going here, not just about the engagement. I knew if I told you over the phone you'd be really pissed. And after Giles called and told us about Addison I wanted to wait awhile because you have enough stress going on and I didn't want to add to it." B sighs and shifts around in my lap a little. She's tryin to get me to loosen my grip on her but it's not gonna work. I know her too well and if I let go now she'll attack.

"So that's the only reason why he proposed, because you're pregnant?" Wow was that a harsh thing to say or what? Red and Xand step up and try to talk some sense into her but it isn't working. Oh great, and now Dawn looks really pissed. Well, who could blame her? I'd be pissed off too. But I know this is leading to a fight and there's nothin I can do about it but watch the train wreck happen. Dawn sits up straight and Kyle tries to hold her back but she slaps his hands away.

"No, that's not why. He proposed a week before I even thought I was pregnant. I hadn't even gone to the doctor yet." Well, at least he proposed because he wanted to and not for other reasons. Getting married just because you're gonna have a baby usually doesn't end well. B grabs my wrists and pinches really hard. She knows I have sensitive wrists and she's usin it against me. FUCK! That hurt! I let go of her and she jumps up.

"Oh, so this was an accident? What, you two got drunk and forgot to rubber up?" I get up and stand right behind her. She's gettin tense, wicked tense and there's no way this is gonna end well.

"You have no right to be judgmental about accidents, Buffy. Matthew was an accident and I know you wouldn't take it back." Wow there, getting a little too personal for my comfort. I really hope he didn't hear that. We haven't told him he was an accident, just that a witch cast a spell and it helped make him. B can't even talk she's so pissed. "Look, I love Matthew you guys know that, but if it weren't for an accident you wouldn't have him. So don't judge me or Kyle because of this." She does have a point. B knows she's been beaten. And I know she knows because she isn't talking. She's breathing really hard and she's still tense but she's not saying anything.

"Well, then I guess congratulations are in order," she says with a lot of attitude and she leaves the room and stomps off to her bedroom. What is she, sixteen? And she slams the door hard enough to make all the walls in the house shake. This is ridiculous. I know B's protective of her little sister, but Dawn's twenty-seven years old for fuck's sake. B was only twenty-five when she had Matthew, and I was only twenty-three. Dawn and Kyle are ready for this, they can handle it. They've been savin up their money for the last four years, for nothing in particular. They just wanted a little nest egg in case something like this happened. And now it has and they can deal.

"I'll go talk to her," I tell 'em and walk off. I see Mattie and Addy standing outside my bedroom door, their ears are pressed up against it but I don't think they can hear anything. Not because the door is too thick or anything but because there's nothing to hear. I bet B's silently pouting and mostly upset because her hormones got the best of her and she lost her temper in front of everyone. I know sane-Buffy would never have yelled like that. She would have been pissed but she would have been pissed in silence. But these pregnancy hormones are makin her crazy. "Hey guys, go back to your rooms ok?" They look over at me and then slowly walk off. I keep my eyes on Mattie for a second. He doesn't seem upset or anything. I hope he didn't hear what Dawn said.

"Baby," I say and knock on the door. "Baby, open the door." I hear her mumble a 'go away'. It sounds like she's cryin, or trying not to cry. I sigh and turn the doorknob. Fuck, it wasn't even locked. Oh well. I slowly open the door and look in the room. She's sittin at the vanity desk, a box of tissues sittin next to her, and she's lookin down away from the mirror. I walk in the room and lock the door. "Baby, what happened back there?" I ask and sit down on the bed. She doesn't turn around to face me, she just keeps starin at her hands.

"I don't know. I just…I don't know." She does, she just doesn't wanna say it. She thinks she's gonna embarrass herself. Well, it's a little too late for that, doncha think? I reach over and grab onto one of her wrists and gently pull her to me. She gets up and crawls into my lap and buries her face in my neck. "I just…her career is finally getting started, ya know? She finally got that big promotion and she's where she wants to be. And now she has to throw it all away?" What the fuck is B talkin about?

"Buffy, she can have both. She'll go on maternity leave for a while and then she'll go back to work. They can put the baby in daycare. People can have families and careers, they just have to find a balance between the two." She knows I'm right because we're going to do the same thing. Then again, by the time our careers get started both the kids will be in school so we don't really have to worry about daycare and all that. I gently rub her back and stroke her hair. "Don't worry, baby, Dawn's gonna be just fine. She can handle herself. And Kyle loves her, he isn't gonna take off or anything. He'll be there to help her out." I lean back and tilt her chin up and give her a big kiss on the lips. I gently suck on her bottom lip and she shivers a little. But then she tenses up and pulls back. She looks a little irritated.

"Stop distracting me. You always do that. I'm upset about something and everyone thinks I'm overacting and you come in here with your comforting words and you're soft lips and I get distracted, so stop it." And the hormones are kicking in again. Her expressions darkens just a little more. "And don't give me that look, this is more then just the insane pregnancy hormones talking."

"So, what, she's supposed to get an abortion just because you have a problem with this?" Oops. I didn't mean to say that. But she doesn't take it the wrong way, thank God, and she gets this offended look on her face.

"What? God no. I don't want her to get it aborted. I'm not ok with it now but I will be eventually. I just wanna pout and sulk for a while, then I'll be ok. But you come in here and say something that makes me feel better and then I have to start all over again." My wife, ladies and gentlemen, could she be any weirder? I think not. So I give her a little kiss on the lips and gently push her off my lap and I lay down on the bed and gently pull her to me. We're facing each other and my arms are wrapped protectively around her and she's hiding her face in my neck.

"Well then go ahead and sulk and pout. I'll be right here if ya need me, ok?" I ask and she nods her head yes. I feel a little tear slide down her face and it lands on the pillow. "Shh baby, no tears ok? You know I hate it when you cry." I rub her back a little more and I think I feel her smiling. She loves it when I dote over her and I wouldn't doubt it if she's makin herself cry just so I'll do it.

"You like that baby?" I ask and rub her back a little harder. She nods her head yes and then gives me a little kiss on my neck. Hmmm, maybe this'll work out in my favor and I'll get some. But I know it would be wrong, taking advantage of her in her emotionally weakened state. At least that's what she'll say afterwards when she remembers everyone is still out in the living room. So I better just hold back. If she tries to make somethin happen then I'll let her but I won't take the reins.

"Mmm," she moans out a little and kisses my neck again. "You always take really good care of me, Faith. How come you can always make me feel better when I feel like dirt?" Hmm, how do I do that? I have no clue, but I need to answer her because if I don't she'll get mad and then she'll start yelling and craziness will ensue. So I'll just make something up and I'll make it very cheesily romantic 'cause she likes that kinda stuff.

"Because I love you with everything I am." Well, that's true. "Because I know you inside and out." Another fact. "And I can't stand to see you sad, so I use my love and everything I know about you to make you feel better. Like if you were still sad and pouty I would've made some type of inappropriate comment or question 'cause it would've made you smile." I feel her smile against my neck and she gives it another little kiss. I smile and rub her back a little more. "You lookin to start somethin, B? 'Cause if you keep up with the kisses you're gonna awaken _the beast_." 'The beast' is my libido and the fact that when I get really turned on I get a little out of control.

"No, baby, I'm not." Damn, I was hoping she was. "I couldn't, not with everyone here." Then she uses her 'baby voice' to try and make herself sound cute. "But if you're good then maybe tonight you'll get lucky." Score. And I know what she means by 'good'. As long as I don't argue with her and avoid a fight and keep her in a good mood then I'll get some. Fuck, I really am pussy whipped, aren't I? Oh well. Doesn't really matter. It's not like I'm ever gonna have sex with anyone else ever again, so why not give in to it? I can hold out too, ya know. She isn't the only with power here. And I'll prove it to you.

"I don't know, B. I might be too tired tonight. I promised my dad I'd take Addy over to see him 'cause he has to go back to Boston in a couple days. And then I have to go grocery shopping, and do the laundry, and then rototill the backyard where you want to expand your garden, and then I have to go pick up dinner and then get the kids ready for bed." She's been milking this pregnancy thing way too much. She's been slackin off just 'cause she can. But I'm not gonna say anything to her about it. You never know when those pregnancy hormones are gonna rear their ugly heads. She starts to panic a little bit, I can feel it.

"Well, I can do some of that stuff. I mean, I know you want some alone time with your dad. Well, alone time with Addison and your dad, but I can do the laundry and go grocery shopping. I can rototill 'cause I don't think rototillers are pregnant woman friendly, I don't really feel like cooking tonight but the other stuff I can do." Yep, panicked. She was expecting to be able to get some for free? Come on, I may be a nympho but I'm not that easy. But I gotta cut her some slack. We've both been stressed the last couple of weeks. Her more then me. I was dealing with a lot but she had repressed feelings and unhappy memories sneaking up on her. So I pull my head back and lean down a little and give her a tiny kiss on the lips.

"Don't worry baby, I was just playin with ya. Just relax ok. Everything's fine again, you can relax now." She nods her head and buries her face in my neck. It's her favorite hiding spot. Whenever things get to be too much and I'm comforting her like this she'll hide her face in my neck and breathe in the scent of my perfume and I'll rub her back and she wraps her arms around me and clings on tight like she's afraid someone's gonna try and split us up. And we'll just sit there, sometimes for hours, being perfectly still and quiet. Words would cheapen the moment, and take away the feelings that we get when we're like this. Ok, I'm getting all sappy and shit so I better stop talkin about it. But I will say this, it is one of my favorite things that we do together. It makes me feel…wanted and loved, and I never wanna lose those feelings, ever.

BPOV

"So, Will, honestly how are you doing?" I ask and pull my legs up onto the couch and fold them under me. Everyone else is gone. Matthew's at a friend's house and Faith is at her dad's place with Addison. Giles is at the hotel along with Dawn, Kyle and Xander. Now that me and Faith are home there's not enough room for them here so Giles is using some of the Council's never ending funds to rent some rooms. Dawn's still pretty upset with me. I fell asleep earlier when I was pouting and sulking, so I never got to apologize but she's coming over tomorrow and we're going to sit down and have a very calm sisterly chat. Willow's staying here tonight. I don't know what time Faith's coming home and I don't want to be alone right now. Plus we haven't had any best friend time in a really long time.

"I'm doing better. I mean, I still haven't met anyone but I haven't really been looking. I just don't think I'm ready for anything serious right now, ya know?" I nod my head and take a sip of my hot chocolate. You have no idea how much I wish this was a mocha, but I can't have any coffee or anything with a lot of caffeine in it. But I still manage to sneak the occasional chocolate bar or cup of hot cocoa. "But everything else is getting easier. The dreams went away a few months ago, and I'm finally used to sleeping alone again." She smiles a little and takes a sip of her cocoa. She may have gotten over Kennedy but she's still having some trouble dealing with being alone.

"But the magic, it's not becoming an issue or anything?" I have to ask and I feel bad but I still do. According to Giles when she first moved to Ohio she was a wreck. She would spend hours alone in the woods doing magic. They don't know what spells she cast but they knew she was the one doing it because the little gadgets they got to detect magic and demons and stuff would go through the roof. But she never told them what she was doing and she would always cloak herself. They knew where she was but there's no one on this earth who has the kind of power to rip away one of Willow's cloaking spells. She's just too powerful.

"It's fine. For a while I was using a lot but nothing black or too strong. Just little stuff. Well, little stuff being used over long periods of time." Little for her is gigantic to any other witch. So it could be anything. I really wanna know what she was doing. Not only am I concerned but slayer curiosity is a lot greater then a normal person's curiosity. Ok, so it's not but I like having that excuse.

"Will, what were you doing out there? And I know you're still going out there. Giles kinda filled me in a little. He's not trying to hurt you by going behind your back or anything. He's just worried about you. It's been, like, three years since Kennedy left and you're still not really yourself. He says you spend at least two hours a day in those woods. And I'm not being judgmental-girl here, I'm not. I'm just trying to understand what you're going through." She takes in a deep breath and then takes a sip of her cocoa. She's stalling. She knows I'm probably not going to like the answer so she's stalling. But I'm not being judgmental-girl. I just wanna know if she's ok or not.

"Well, remember when I said the spells were little things?" I nod my head. Ok, not liking the direction this conversation is going. "Well, they're a little bit bigger then little. Nothing black, I swear, but they're not as tiny as I've been admitting." But what has she been doing? "The first couple of months I was in Ohio I spent a lot of time out in the woods because I had to find her first. It took a long time but I finally did." I take a sip of cocoa. Now this is getting interesting. "Once I found her I had to make a connection. It's not as easy as it sounds and it took a lot out of me. And it took a couple of months, but I made it."

"With who, Will? Who did you connect with?" She sighs and gets a happy look on her face. Well that's new. It's been a while since I've seen Willow look this happy. Even before Kennedy left.

"With Tara, I made a connection with Tara." Ok, I can't breathe. With Tara? She made a connection with Tara? Ok, again with the not breathing. "Buffy are you ok?" she asks and sits down next to me. She rubs my back a little and I take in a deep breath. I know I'm being overdramatic and what not, but this is big.

"Did you say Tara?" I ask and she nods her head. "Tara like, Tara-Tara. The Tara that we all knew and loved. As in now she's gone?" She nods her head again and I can't breathe again. Ok, this whole not being able to breathe is really getting annoying. But now I'm over the shock a little and curiosity is taking its place. "How is she? She's in a good place right?" Tara deserves to be in the best place imaginable. It would be wrong if she's not.

"She is. She's in a very good place." Her face falls a little. Oh no, please don't tell she's thinking what I think she's thinking. I give her a questioning look and she sighs and runs a hand through her hair. "It's just…she's in a very happy and good place, but she's not as happy as she wants to be. She wants to come back. She wants us to be together again. At first she didn't because she knew that Kennedy would take care of me but now that Kennedy's gone she wants us to be together. But…"

"It's impossible." The spell that they used to bring me back involved pouring the potion of my grave. Tara's grave was destroyed when Sunnydale collapsed. Willow gives me a somewhat guilty look and I don't like it.

"No it's not." Ok, awkward silence. I hate awkward silences. "Buffy, ever since I did that spell to call all of the slayers I've become like a…a goddess or something. I have the mark." She holds out her strip of white hair. Or as she calls it her 'badge of honor'. I take another sip of cocoa and put the empty mug on the table. "I don't need a grave sight or even a body to bring her back. I can bring her back and make her like she did the day she died. The magic isn't the problem it's the other stuff." Other stuff? What other stuff?

"Like if she comes back wrong?" I ask and she nods her head a little.

"You were only in heaven for a couple of months. She's been there for…twelve years? Something like that. What if everything is too big a shock on her system and she can't get over it? She says she wants to come back that she's with me everywhere I go, which I have to admit is a little stalker-ish, but what if she can't get over it? Or I bring her back and she realizes it's a mistake? Am I supposed to kill her again so can be happy? I just don't know what to do." Ok, so she is taking this very seriously and isn't going to make any rash decisions like I thought she would. Like she did with me.

"Willow, I don't really know what to say. How long have you been talking to her?" She shrugs her shoulders and sits back in the couch. This conversation is talking a lot out of her.

"I don't know exactly, a couple of years now. And it's only been the last couple of months that she's wanted to come back. That's why I'm so worried. She didn't want to come back before, she was happy where she is. Now all of a sudden she's not? What if she comes back here and then hates it, or she doesn't want me because I'm not the same? There's just too much risk, I don't know if I can do it. Well, I can, but I don't know if I should." She sounds so lost. I don't think I've ever heard her sound like this before. And I don't know what to say. Ok, Buffy think. Alright time for a 'what if' situation. What if Faith was in heaven and you've somehow made a connection with her and even though she was happy at first she now wants to come back and spend the rest of her new life with you. What do you do? I would rip her out of there faster then you can say 'mazal tov to the marzipan man'.

"If it were me I'd bring her back. If she really wants to come back and she's really unhappy there, then I would. But that's just me. You really shouldn't base this decision on my opinion. You have to want it. You have to want to bring her back." She goes to say something but I interrupt her. "If you knew she was in a bad place, a not so happy place and she wanted to come back to be with you, would you pull her out of there?"

"In a second. I wouldn't just leave her there to-to rot. But she's not in a bad place, Buffy, she's in heaven. How can I just rip her out of heaven?" I lean forward and put my hands over hers and make her look me in the eyes.

"Willow, if she doesn't want to be there, if she isn't happy, then heaven is going to turn into her own personal hell. Being surrounded by happiness and joy but not feeling it…it'll be too much. I'm not saying you should go ahead and do the spell or whatever it is you have to do. But just think about that, ok? Just mull it over for a while? Don't make any rash decisions, put some ointment on it for a while until you're absolutely sure." She nods her head yes and wraps me up in a big hug.

"Thanks, I really needed to hear that. Well, all except for the rash and ointment part, that was a little…icky." I smile and pull back from the hug. I give and I give and what do I get? A comforted friend. Well, things could have ended worst. She leans against the back of the couch. She looks so tired. "I'm getting kinda sleepy. Do you think we can end this best friend night now? Unless there's something you wanted to talk about." Is there anything I need to talk about?…………….Nope, I'm all good.

"No, there's nothing bothering me at the moment. I have some things to work out with Dawn but that has to wait until tomorrow. I'll go ahead and go to bed since you want to sleep now, but I'll be up waiting for Faith to get home so if you need to talk some more, or need some Buffy-cuddles feel free to come in and get some. It would be better if you did it before Faith gets back otherwise you'd be getting Buffy-cuddles and Faithy-cuddles and you might overdose." She smiles and gives me a little smack on the arm.

"I'm fine, thanks. I'll be fine, don't worry. I just need some sleep." She yawns and stretches her arms above her head. I give her one last hug and we say our goodnights and I go to my room. I get ready for bed, brush my teeth, change into my pajamas, brush my hair and shut off all the lights in the house except for the kitchen light. Faith doesn't like coming home to a completely dark house. It's a slayer thing. I go into my bedroom and lay down on my side of the bed.

She might be gone for a long time, she said she wasn't sure when she'd be back and she wasn't going to patrol so I know where she is and I have nothing to worry about. But I'm going to stay up until she gets back anyway. I worry no matter how safe she says she's going to be. And the kids are with her so I'm extra worried. But I can't force my eyelids to stay open or my mind to become active as I drift off to sleep.

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_I know I already posted this but I forgot that I was going to take a poll, not enough sleep will do that to you. So, should Buffy's baby be a boy or a girl? I'll add the votes from this site and the other two where I have this story posted. I can't make up my mind so I thought I'd leave it up to the readers, hope ya don't mind. I guess I'll talk to you later. _


	33. A Great Day To Turn Three

_The sex of the baby will be revealed in the next chapter_.  
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**Three Months Later.** BPOV

Today is such a great day. November eleventh, Addison's birthday. My little baby is turning three today. It's hard to believe that only three years ago she was a tiny little pink ball of screaming flesh, no hair with gray eyes and an attitude that would put any runway model to shame. And now she's a cute little girl with dark hair, greenish brown eyes, a screech that can put Dawn to shame and a death glare that can rip the skin off a cat. Well I don't know if that last part is true or not, but I'm too afraid to test the theory. I mean, what if it works? Getting your skin ripped off has to be a painful experience. I saw the look on Warren's face, major pain going on.

Today is exciting for other reasons too. Faith doesn't know this, but her dad is coming back from Boston. He had to leave a couple months ago because of his jobs and stuff, but he's quitting his jobs, giving up his apartment and he's coming back here. I talked to him about it a couple weeks after he left. Faith got really depressed when he left because she wants to have a relationship with him but he couldn't afford to live here, so I offered to get him a place with the Council's money but he's just as stubborn as Faith can be and he said he didn't want to just take the money, that he doesn't want to be my charity case. So I got him a job at the Council. He is going to monitor the progress of the kids' training and report back to them once a month. And he's getting paid enough to afford a very nice apartment here. He said that he likes the car he has, sentimental value and what not. But he's coming back today and Faith is going to be so surprised.

And there's another reason to be happy. I'm six months along now, I have a doctor's appointment next week and we're going to find out if my baby is a boy or a girl. I would have gotten in sooner but next week is the earliest the doctor can see me. And thank God it isn't going to be Dr. Montgomery. I don't think I'd survive another exam by her. I mean what if I…with Faith in the room? She would flip out. So I'm going to someone else. And I just can't wait to find out if it's gonna be a little boy or girl. We kept a lot of Matthew's clothes and stuff and a lot of Addison's so this baby will have a lot of hand-me-downs, but I can't wait to go shopping and buy up all of the cute dresses, or jeans and t-shirts.

We're still in bed right now. It's only four in the morning. I woke about half and hour ago and can't get back to sleep. My stomach has gotten so big. I was this big with Matthew when I was nine months along, and I'm only six months with this baby. How much bigger am I gonna get? And it's not just my stomach that's big, my face is kind of…puffier then it used to be. My ankles are so swollen I had to buy new shoes and my stomach and breasts have the whole blue veiny thing going on. There are some days I feel like a disgusting freak, but then Faith comes in and makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. But she's always been able to make me feel like that.

The baby moves around a little bit. He or she isn't kicking, just rolling over. I smile and gently rub my stomach. I'm lying on my side, I'm wrapped around the extra pillow I bought a while ago, and Faith is holding me from behind. At least she's trying to. My stomach is too big for her to wrap her arm around so her hand is resting on my hip. I wish Faith were awake so she can feel this too. This baby doesn't move around a whole lot. For some reason he or she is very…quiet. Matthew liked to kick and move around and he'd rub his hands against my stomach and it was always a little creepy because I could see his fingers as he dragged them down my stomach. And Faith told me that Addison was always more active when there was food around, either when Faith was eating or just smelt something she wanted to eat.

But this baby is calm, peaceful. The only time he or she ever really moves around is when I'm upset. That's when the kicking starts. And I'm not talking about a little kick that I get excited about and one that someone else can feel if they put their hand on my stomach. Nope, I'm talking about a nice, slayer strength kick to one of my kidneys. And it hurts so damn bad. It's like the baby is trying to say 'calm down before you have me now!' And I do, calm down that is. When he or she starts kicking like that I always calm down because the last thing I want to do is upset one of my babies. But every once in a while it'll roll over onto its other side. I hate referring to my baby as 'it'. I can't wait until I find out whether I'm having a boy or a girl.

I hear Faith snort a little loudly and it hurts my ear and she rolls over onto her other side. She's not touching me any more. Her butt isn't even pressed against mine. Great, now I feel all…abandoned and alone. I hate pregnancy hormones. I turn around very slowly and look at Faith's back. I've always liked her back for some reason. The muscles are very toned and her skin is so damn soft. I love giving her back massages just so I can feel her strong back. And before we had Matthew she used to do this weird thing during sex, she'd roll her back or something and it would always make me scream, but in a very, very good way.

She has a weak shoulder though. Her left one. It doesn't take much to dislocate it, especially when she fights a really strong demon. I've popped it back into place so many times over the years I've lost count. But she's used to it, it doesn't hurt her much, mostly because of the slayer healing. I love fussing over her when she's hurt or sick. And she always hints at me putting on one of those sexy nurse outfits, but I won't. I just like taking care of her, helping her get better. It's hard to explain so I'll stop trying.

I look over at the door when I hear it slowly creak open. I see Addison standing there and she looks a little…disheveled. Her hair is sticking up all over the place and she has some dark circles under her eyes, like she didn't get a lot of sleep. She slowly walks into the room and over to my side of the bed. I close my eyes before she gets to me because the last time she walked up to me like this and my eyes were already opened it scared her and she screamed a little and I don't want to wake Faith up. I feel Addison put her hand on my cheek and she pushes on my face a little.

"Mommy," she whispers and taps on my cheek with two of her fingers. I play along and flutter my eyelashes a little bit before I open them all the way. I look at her and smile but she doesn't smile back. She has a very serious look on her face. I reach up and hold onto her hand and give her a questioning look but before I can open my mouth she starts talking again. "I haded a accident." I can barely hear her she said it so low. I look down at her pajamas and she's right, she had an accident. And now that I'm aware of it I can smell it. Yuck. But she looks like she's about to cry. She gets so embarrassed about this even though it's not her fault. I sit up and put my legs over the edge of the bed and gently stroke her hair.

"It's ok baby. Let's go get you cleaned up ok?" I ask and she nods her head. I give her a kiss on top of her head and hold her hand as we walk out of the room together. I take her into the bathroom and turn on the light and regret it as soon as I do. Were these light bulbs always this bright? After my eyes adjust I run a bath and help her take off her wet clothes. Faith usually gives Addison her baths because my stomach is too big and it's hard for me to reach over and wash her. It's just another thing fat-Buffy can't do. But I manage to find a position that allows me to reach over the side of the tub.

"Addison, it's ok baby," I tell her and caress her cheek. She's still really embarrassed by this. I can understand why, but it's not that bad. And no one's ever teased her about it so I don't know why she gets this bad. "You needed a bath anyway, remember? You wanna look pretty for all of your guests that are coming to your birthday party, don't you?" She nods her head yes and relaxes a little more. We have a few people coming over. The scooby gang, and Xander's bringing his daughter. Katie has to stay because she can't get any time off from work. Brad and his parents are coming, and Kim and her kids. And Faith's dad is going to show up. It should be a pretty good turn out. We're having it outside because this town never gets any rain and it's sunny almost all year long. 'The perfect town for the perfect family' that should be it's slogan.

"Mommy, am I gonna go ta daycare now that I'm turnin three?" she asks and washes in between her toes. That's a good question. We haven't put her in daycare yet. We were going to wait until her hair grows back in that little spot. It has a lot but it's still pretty off and she still wears her hats whenever we go somewhere. But I think she just likes them. Faith has convinced her that the Boston baseball caps are the coolest ones and Addison wears those the most because Faith likes them so much. They fight a lot now, it's pretty insane, but Addison looks up to Faith so much, I just wish Faith could see it.

"I don't know, baby. Do you want to go to daycare?" I ask and wash her back with the loofah. She's quiet as she thinks about it. I'd like her to go to daycare. I mean, kids who go to daycare do better when they move on to kindergarten because they're used to that type of environment. I almost feel kinda bad for not having Matthew go. But then again he did great in kindergarten and I have a lot of memories I wouldn't trade for the world. So I take it back, I don't feel bad for not sending him to daycare.

"Yeah, I guess. I'm gonna be a big sister, I need ta go to school so I can be smart enough to teach my baby stuff." I smile and have her tilt her head back and I wet her hair and then lather it up with the shampoo. "And I'mma big girl now, and big girls go ta school, don't they Mommy?" she asks and washes her arms and underarms.

"Yeah they do, baby. But why don't we wait until after Christmas to put you in daycare. How does that sound?" I want to get her enrolled after the craziness of the holidays, and because I want a little more time with her. I'm used to having her around all the time. She helps me bake and I read to her and we garden together and she helps me with the household chores. I'm going to miss having her around and it'll take a lot of time to get used to it. Call me selfish but I want some more memories before I send her off to daycare.

"That sounds good," she says and washes off her chest and stomach. "I wanna talk ta Brother about it first." Matthew is like a god to her or something. His opinion matters more then anyone else's. Are all younger siblings like that? Was Dawn like this with me? I have no idea. But even when she was a little baby she's always responded to him more then she has us. I don't know why but I'm not complaining or anything. At least she has someone to talk to, someone to be there for her and she doesn't feel alone. I think that would break my heart if she felt alone. Ok, enough thinking about depressing stuff I have a birthday party to get ready for.

FPOV

"Mama." No, I don't wanna go to school today. Tell my teacher I have Lupus, that's believable, right? I groan and roll over on my other side, facing away from the little annoying person who's trying to wake me up. "Mama, wake up." No. I groan again and pull my pillow over my head. "Mama, Mommy said you have ta get up." I groan again and kick my legs. I hear her sigh and shift around. "Fine, I'm gonna have to sit on you until you get up." What? What the hell did she say? Ow, oh God, she's sitting on my back. And now she's bouncing up and down a little. This is just great. I bet Buffy put her up to this.

"Your mommy is insane, go watch T.V. or something." But I guess it comes out too muffled for her to hear 'cause she says a little 'what'd you say?' and she giggles a little bit. I pull the pillow off my head and try not to move around too much or else she'll fall off. "I said 'your mommy is insane, go watch T.V. or something.'" I hear her sigh and she stops bouncing. I feel her slide off of me and she lands on the floor with a light thud.

"Fine," she says and runs out of the room yelling. "Mommy, Mama said you're insane!" Great, now B's gonna come in here with her insane pregnancy hormones and be crying and upset and we're gonna fight and it's all because she's insane. But that doesn't happen. Nope, Addy comes back in and crawls up on the bed, with tears in her eyes but she's trying not to smile so I know she's faking it. This kid can conjure up tears like nobody's business. If she'd get rid of the smile she'd have a perfect pout. "It's my birthday, Mama. Don't you care that this is the day I was born?" And now B's feeding her stuff to say, great. I sigh and roll over onto my side and look up at her.

"Tell ya what," I say and gently wipe away the tear that just fell. I look over at the clock. It's eight thirty, I'm usually up by now but I'm really tired. B was kickin a lot in her sleep last night and I didn't get a whole lot because of it. "Let me sleep for one more hour and then I'll get up and care, ok?" I ask and she thinks about it. She jumps off the bed and runs out of the room and she doesn't close the door. That means she'll be back. I roll over onto my stomach and close my eyes. I drown out all the sounds that are comin from the kitchen. I can hear B tryin to make breakfast and it smells pretty good. She hasn't burned anything yet. At least it doesn't smell like it. And then I hear little footsteps runnin in the hallway and Addy makes another appearance. I guess she talked it over with B and they've come up with another way to try and get me up. She jumps on the bed and stands on my butt and yells really loud.

"'The wonderful thing about Tigger is tiggers a wonderful thing! Their tops are made of the rubber, their bottoms are made of the spring! They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy. Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! But the most wonderful thing about Tigger is I'm the only one. IIIIII'mmmm, the only one." Then she hops down and gets right next to my face and says, "Gerrrrr." I look up at her and she's smiling. The Tigger song is far from a last resort. If I send her out again she'll just come back with some other plan. I reach out lighting fast and hold her down against the bed and tickle her mercilessly.

"You think you're a big, tough Tigger, huh?" I ask and she screams out 'no, Mama' between her laughing. I smile and keep on tickling. "Well come on big, tough Tigger, bounce away." She's kickin and grabbin my hands and squirmin around and tryin her best to get away but I have a pretty good hold on her. Then I stop and before she has time to recover I lean down and give her a big kiss on the cheek. "Mmmmwah!" I say and pull back and there's a loud 'pop' sound. "You're not a big, tough Tigger, are ya?" She nods her head no. "No, you're a big, tough three-year-old." She giggles and nods her head yes. And then we hear:

"Faith! You have two minutes to get up or I'm coming in there!" And trust me that isn't a good thing. I look at Addy and roll my eyes and whisper 'crazy woman' and she giggles a little bit. We get up and leave the room and I close the door behind me. We walk into the kitchen and Addy runs over to the table and sits down next to Mattie and starts talkin to him. I walk over to B. She's standin at the stove, stirring the scrambled eggs. Well, I guess it would be scrambling the scrambled eggs. I lean in and give her a little kiss on the cheek.

"Hey baby, you look great this morning," I tell her and she smiles. She does look great. How long has she been up? She's already had a shower, I can smell her shampoo, she's dressed in a really pretty sundress, her make-up is flawless and she looks very well rested. She has this little sparkle in her eyes that only happens when she's had a good night's sleep.

"Thank you, baby," she says. I walk over to the platter of toast and English muffins and reach for one. "Ah, ah, ah. Faith, you have to wait until breakfast is ready." I guess one of the kids already tried to snag one or else she wouldn't have said that. If I had eaten on then whoever had been whining would have said 'how come she gets one?' 'Cause I paid for 'em, that's why. But I can't say that so I'll just starve until breakfast is ready. "Baby, why don't you go outside and set up the tables?" Since Addy's birthday party is going to be here we decided to go out and buy these really cool foldable tables. One full sized table for the adults and one miniature table for the kids. We bought 'em a couple weeks ago but we still haven't taken 'em out of the boxes.

I give her another kiss and go out to the backyard. Tucker's out there already and walks up to me wagging his tail and panting a little. I talk to him a little and pet him on the head for a little bit. I sit down at the table and light up one of my cloves. Yeah, I'm smoking again, so what? I need this to deal with all the crazy shit that happens around here. And I'm talking about the regular craziness. Addy's starting to fight me on almost everything. Not one day goes by where we don't end up yelling at each other, and she's only three. I'm actually afraid of what's going to happen when she's a teenager. I was a little hell raiser, is all that gonna come back to bite me in the ass? God I hope not. I don't know how I'm gonna deal with that if it happens.

"I think I'd probably go insane," I say to Tucker is scratch behind his ear. "Then again I'm talking to a dog so I might be there already." I smile and exhale a long line of smoke. I watch as it swirls around and then disappears into nothingness. I wonder where the smoke goes when it disappears like that. I mean, it has to go somewhere, it can't just become nothing. Hmm, another one of life's little mysteries I guess. I take the last drag and stamp the cherry out in the ashtray and exhale slowly. "Well, better get started on those tables." I stand up and Tucker walks off. I hear the neighbor's dog start to bark and Tucker runs over to the fence and starts barking too. I try to call him back but he won't listen. Oh well, I'll wait until B gets really irritated, then I'll do something about it.

Now to get to work. I walk over to the two large boxes and rub my hands together. I open 'em up with a little difficulty. Damn, they don't make tape like they used to. This shit is harder to rip. Did the find out about slayers and how strong they are and then put out a product that makes it annoying for us to try and rip it off? Hmm, this should be investigated but later. If I stop now then B'll get pissed. So I get the small table out first 'cause it'll be easier to set up. It takes me about fifteen minutes because I didn't know this would be fuckin complicated. It's a fuckin table, they can just have the legs fold. But now, they had to involved screws and aligning things just right. If I had known it would be this much work I would have suggested moving the party to the park, or some type of kids place thingy in Vegas.

"Faith, are you finished yet?" I hear B call out through the kitchen window. 'Does it look like I'm finished?' That's what I think but I'm not about to say that shit out loud. Normally I would, but normally B isn't pregnant and right now she just can't take a sarcastic remark. "Breakfast is ready when you're done." Meaning: don't in here until the tables are set up. So I spend half an hour setting up the large table. I don't know why this one is so fuckin hard. I mean, it's just a fuckin table. I can slay demons and dust vampires and deal with insane pregnant women, but I can't set up a fuckin table? What kind of shit is that? Unless this is an evil table. Yeah, that's gotta be it. It's an evil table sent up from hell to give me a migraine. Well, its evil scheme is working.

Ok, time to take a little break. I put the screwdriver down and light up another clove. I don't really need to take a break but the longer I'm out here the more I can smoke, the more I smoke the calmer I'll be. Buffy will be pissed but she threw the biggest hissy fit when we ran out of paper towels yesterday so I'm not too worried about it. If it's not me that pisses her off it'll be the fact that the couch doesn't perfectly match the carpet or some shit like that.

"Mama, what are you doing?" I heard Addy ask from the doorway. Fuck, busted. I wanted to finish enjoying this one before I got caught. B knows that I'm smoking again, but she doesn't want the kids to see it. She walks over to me and sees the cigarette. Well, she already caught me doing something, might as well finish it since this is gonna be the last one of the day. "Are you smoking?" I nod my head yes and take a small drag. "Mommy says it's not good ta smoke 'cause you get cancer and die." I try as hard as I can not to roll my eyes. B only told her that so if I ever got caught she could send me on a first class guilt trip.

"Addy, I'm not gonna get cancer." I probably will but that won't be for a long time. We're all gonna die some day, this'll just speed up the process. "Your mommy just doesn't want me smoking anymore." She looks like she doesn't believe me. And with good reason. I did just sort of lie to her. "So, are you excited about your birthday party?" I ask for a desperate subject change. She sighs and sits down next to me. I take the last drag and stamp the cherry out on the porch and toss the butt in the ashtray up on the table.

"Yeah. I'm three now, and Mommy says I can go ta daycare now. But I'm not gonna go 'til after Christmas." So, we are going to put her in daycare after all? I guess it's for the best. I mean, we'd have to do it anyway once I get a job and B goes back to school. If Addy is in daycare then B won't have as much stress to deal with while I'm gone. She's never really taken care of a little baby and a preschooler all by herself before. Mattie was already in school when Addy was born and this was back before we had career goals.

"Faith, you better come eat some breakfast or I'm giving the rest to Tucker!" I hear B yell. Fuck, make up your damn mind. First she basically says 'don't come back in 'til you're done with the tables' and now she's saying 'eat before I give it to the dog'. I think the day Buffy truly makes up her mind about something, as in she'll never change it ever, they'll be a fuckin parade or somethin. Or hell will freeze over or some type of large, fat animal will learn how to fly.

BPOV

"Hey Xander," I say and try to look over the large mound of presents he's carrying. He can't see over the very top package and I can hear Miranda behind him, guiding him along. Then I see her run forward, carrying a little box that's wrapped in really bright pink baby with little birthday balloons all over it, and there's a pink bow on top. I would lean down and give her a hug but my stomach is too big for that. So I stroke her hair instead. "Hey there beautiful. How's my favorite niece doing?" She smiles and giggles a little bit.

"Aunt Buffy, I'm your only niece." She gives me a big hug as best she can because of my fat stomach and she runs off to play with Addison. Miranda is only a year older then Addison, but that is a big difference even though it doesn't seem like it. Their minds are developing different, Miranda can grasp concepts about the things around her that Addison can't…ok, enough psych 101. I hated that course no need to start bringing it up now. Anyway, even though Addison can't understand as much as Miranda can they still play together pretty well. Neither of them is shy so I guess that helps.

I take some presents from Xander and carry them out to the backyard. The two picnic tables that Faith set up are going to be the ones we eat at. We're having a bar-ba-que to help celebrate Addison's birthday. And I've been having this huge craving for bar-ba-qued ribs so it made sense. The presents are going to be put on the little patio table. So Faith is going to have to find somewhere else to smoke if she decides to today. I know she's already had at least one. I could smell it on her and Addison snitched like most little kids do. Faith got a little mad and started to rant but she stopped when she saw how pissed I was getting. Little kids snitch, it's just what they do. Faith shouldn't be yelling at Addison for doing something that every single little kid does.

I look at my nice backyard and see Miranda and Addison chasing Brad. Poor little boy. Those girls are going to gang up on him and he'll be so traumatized. The O'Keefe's got here about half an hour ago. Addison's been pretty good so far. She hasn't embarrassed him too badly. Matthew's out there too so she's more interested in impressing him then she is in tormenting Brad, but now that Miranda is here that's all about to change. My little girl, the three-year-old man-eater.

Faith is still freaking out a little bit. She's worried because of Willow's playing-doctor-comment that she made a couple months ago. Ever since then Addison and Brad haven't been in a room alone together. Even though Addison has to keep her bedroom door open during the day Faith shadows them around. She doesn't want to give them the opportunity to do anything bad. But, come on, they're three. It's not like they're gonna do anything really bad. They'll strip, check each other out a little bit, ask some questions about what they see, get dressed and feel a little guilty about what they did and never talk about it again. Ok, so I am speaking from experience here. When I was six I had a play date with a little boy I went to school with. His mom was in the kitchen and we were in his room coloring and I was curious.

"Connie, Dan," I say getting their attention after all of the presents are put on the table. I stand next to Xander. "This is my friend Xander. Xander, this is Connie and Dan O'Keefe, the people that live next door. Their son is the one being chased by the girls." We look out into the yard and Brad is climbing the ladder to the tree house. I see Matthew kind of standing off to the side and watching as the girls climb up after him. He has this look on his face like he's preparing himself for one of them to fall. He has really good reflexes because he's a slayer. If one of them falls he'll be quick enough to catch them. Strong enough too. But that doesn't stop me from worrying that one of them will get hurt. But I'm a mom, that's part of my job.

"Hey Xand, when did you get here?" Faith asks and walks down the step from the backdoor and gives Xander a big hug. She's been in the bedroom most of the day, talking on the phone. She wouldn't tell me with who. She ended up locking me out of the room when I wouldn't leave her alone about it. And I had other things to do anyway so it's not like I sat there at the door trying to eavesdrop...for every long. Ten minutes at the most but then I had to go outside and get the rest of everything set up. I got the birthday theme table clothes and the plates and napkins and cups out. Put up the streams and filled all the balloons with helium. It took longer then you'd think because I have to pee like every five minutes. At least it seems that way. I can't wait to not be pregnant.

"Baby?" I say and Faith gets this expression on her face like 'what now?' Ya know not everything out of my mouth is going to be me asking her to do something. She acts like I never do anything around this house and I have her to every damn thing. And yeah, I'm gonna ask her to do something, but that is so not the point. "Now that people are starting to show up why don't you start fixing the ribs?" She gives me a little smile and nods her head. "I'll go ahead and make the salad. There's sodas and bottled water in the cooler over there," I point to the cooler that's up against the side of the house. "And we have chips and stuff in the house if anyone's getting hungry." I hear the doorbell go off and Tucker starts to bark. "Excuse me," I say very politely and answer the door.

"Hi Buffy," Kim says and gives me a little hug. I hug her back and when we pull apart I look down at her two kids. Lindsay is Matthew's age, and she's part of Matthew's little group of friends. Dean just turned two and he's one of the cutest little boys in the world. Bright blue eyes, light red hair, and fair skin. And he's pretty shy too. I hope he doesn't feel too overwhelmed by how many people are going to be here.

"Hey, glad you could make it. Come on in. Everyone's out back. Just put the presents with the rest of them on the table out there. You can just go on out, I need to use the restroom." She says it's fine and I watch as they walk through the living room and head towards the kitchen. I walk into the bathroom and get the eye drops out of the medicine cabinet. One thing that happens during pregnancy that most first time moms don't know about is the dry eyes. When you get to be about six months along your eyes can become sensitive to light or get really dry. Mine get really dry and I have to do this usually seven times a day. The doorbell rings again and I go out to answer it. As I'm walking by the kitchen I hear Xander and Faith laughing. Hmm, I wonder what they're laughing about? I guess it doesn't really matter. What the fuck?

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I didn't mean to say it that harshly but whatever. They don't need to be here. They weren't invited. "You weren't invited, what are you doing here?" I watch as they give each other this look, like 'wow, look at the crazy pregnant lady'. I wanna kill 'em both. "Well?" I ask and they both stand up a little straighter and shift around a little bit.

"We were invited. Faith didn't tell you she invited us?" Kennedy asks. "I talked to her earlier. We're in town tracking down a demon and I called up Faith to see how she's doin and she said we should stop by, see the fam. She didn't tell you?" I wanna smack that smug look off her face, but I can't because Matthew just walked into the room. I guess Kennedy either heard him or sensed him because she looks passed me and she gets a big smile on her face. "Oh my God, you've gotten so big." Yeah, well the last time you've seen him was, what? Three years ago?

"Aunt Kendy?" he says and walks up to us. I want to say something to make her go away, or make Matthew go away so I can yell at Kennedy but I don't. Nope, they were invited after all, it would be rude of me to send them away. I look over at Cordelia and she's smiling too. I have to admit it is kinda, sorta nice to see them again. It's been a really long time since Faith and I bumped into them in Vegas and it's nice to know they're doing ok. Even though I don't like either of them. Ok, I know I have issues and I'm holding onto a lot of anger that I probably shouldn't be holding onto, but I can't help it. Willow was broken for so long, and she's getting better now. So seeing the thing that broke her is very…upsetting.

"Hey, little man. How ya been?" she asks and he tells her he's doing fine. I stand aside and let them in. So Kennedy thought Faith was going to tell me, she thought she would be welcome, so this isn't her fault. I might as well go to the source on this one. So I let them in and they go out to the backyard. Xander is a little…reluctant but he welcomes them and I introduce them to everyone and then glare at Faith. She's concentrating on bar-ba-queing at the moment and she's not looking at me on purpose. I walk up to her and just stand there. I cross my arms over my chest and tap my foot a little. She looks over at me and smiles a little bit. I wanna smack that smile right off her face.

"What the hell where you thinking when you invited Kennedy to our daughter's birthday party?" I ask and oh yes there's plenty of venom in my voice. She grabs the tongs and turns the ribs over and takes another drag of her cigarette. I am getting so sick of her smoking. She always smells really bad now, and no matter how much gum she chews I can still taste it. So I reach over and grab the cigarette out of her mouth and toss it to the ground and smash it out with my foot. "Stop avoiding my question." She looks pissed but I don't care.

"I thought it would be nice to see her again. She was my best friend for almost a decade. And I didn't tell you 'cause I knew you'd overreact just like you're doin now. I know you have some problems with her but now isn't really the time to get emotional about it. Her and Red are fine, they talked, they worked it out and they're all nice and moved on. I really don't see a problem with her or Cordelia bein here. The kids love 'em." I look over at my babies. They're talking to Kennedy and Cordelia like they're the most fascinating people on the planet. "So please, just relax and try to enjoy today. If not for me or them, then for Addy. Please, don't ruin her day by makin a big scene." Great, now I feel all guilty and shit.

"You're right, baby. I'm sorry. I just get so mad when I think about how hurt Willow was. But you're right, she's moved on now. All these hormones are makin me kinda crazy." It wasn't the hormones but they're a perfect scapegoat. I lean in and give her a little kiss on the lips. Ew. Her lips taste so nasty because of those damn cigarettes. "Faith, no more smoking, ok?" She nods her head yes but she has a look on her face, I can't really describe it, and I know she isn't going to listen to me. But if she knows what's good for her she will. Well, if she plans on getting any in the next three months she'll listen. I'm normally not as commanding about things, but I really don't want her to smoke anymore.

I look over at the backdoor when I hear someone walk through. I see Willow and Giles, both holding very large gift bags. They smile at the kids and then set the presents on the table. I tense up for a second when Willow sees Kennedy. She looks surprised to see her, but that's expected. I'm expecting there to be some sort of fight, or for Willow to storm off. She was with Kennedy for…I can't remember exactly how long, and then she just leaves her for Cordelia? If I were Will I don't think I'd ever be able to look at Kennedy again.

But she's fine. She smiles really wide and gives her a big hug. When she pulls away she waves to Cordelia, but they've never been big with the hugs so it would've been strange if they had hugged. I guess Faith is really right, Willow has moved on and is doing better now. I hate it when Faith's right and I'm wrong. I'm gonna go find something sweet to eat. I could use a little pick me up now that I feel like dirt for being so mean to Kennedy.

FPOV

"Happy birthday dear Addison, happy birthday to you!" Everyone sings out and she waits a couple of seconds to make her wish. Then she blows out all the candles and everyone claps and cheers and she has this big smile on her face. We figured we'd have the cake first and then once we get the kids cleaned up a little bit then we'd let her open her presents. We learned this lesson on Matthew's first birthday party. We let the kids open the presents first and then we had cake and a lot of the toys got covered in white and blue frosting.

I look over at B and she's taking lots of pictures of our girl. I can't help but smile as I take the candles off the cake. Everyone finally got here about half an hour ago. We had plenty of food left so we waited for them to finish lunch before we brought out the cake. Dawn and Kyle showed up about half an hour after Kennedy and Cordelia. Dawn was a little pissed at first but I think it's just the pregnancy hormones gettin to her. And damn, Dawn's stomach has gotten big since the last time I saw her. She's as big as B is and this is only her first kid. But only her stomach has gotten big and she's very happy about that. B's a little jealous but she's insane 'cause of the hormones.

Anyway, Angel, Gunn and Wesley were the last ones to show up. We have a big awning over our back porch so Angel can join in the festivities. It was a nice surprise seeing them. Apparently they're here with Ken and Queenie tacking some demon thing that's been killin off a lot of people. And believe me when I say I can't wait to get in on a piece of that action. The slaying around here isn't boring, well, not really. It sucks that I have to do it by myself, I like patrolling with B, but there are plenty of demons and vamps around here to keep me busy. I'm so excited about this 'cause it's been a long time since I've slayed with anyone else.

"Mama, I want that piece," Addy says and points to a part of the cake where there's a little flower made out of icing. I carefully cut it and put it on a plate and then give her a scoop of ice cream. So far today is turning out much better then I thought it was going to. Everyone is getting along and enjoying themselves, demons have come in to try and kill us all, no one's cursed anyone else's drink so they'll turn all pre-historic and Addy hasn't thrown a temper tantrum. Damn, can that kid scream when she really wants to. And we haven't argued today, I think that's a good thing too. We usually fight a lot, now that she's getting older and developing her own little personality. The thing about it is her personality is a lot like mine, so we fight more then we used to.

When the cake is cut and everyone has a piece and some ice cream I take step back and just watch. It's kinda rare that I do stuff like this. I don't normally watch a crowd of people, I like to be in it, but this is different. Reminiscing I guess is what I'm doin, 'cause I'm mostly watching Addy as she helps B scoop out some ice cream. I remember when Addy just turned two. She had this really bad ear infection and 'cause she's a slayer the pain medicine didn't last as long as it should've.

I stayed up with her for three nights in a row because her ear hurt so damn bad she couldn't sleep. I tried talking to her, reading to her, playing a couple quiet games, but nothing calmed her down. So I sang to her. I sang her a song that I used to sing to B, but I haven't in a really long time. Don't know why, I just haven't. But it calmed Addy down and she was able to go to sleep. But I remember her lying against me and I had my arms wrapped around her and she was cryin and screamin and she wouldn't let me go. And then I started to sing to her and at the end of the song she was quiet, and I sang the song again and she fell asleep. I did that every night for three days. I was tired and bitchy in the morning but I loved the fact that Addy was so clingy because normally she isn't very affectionate or clingy or anything like that.

I was kinda like that when I was little. I can't remember anything earlier then five-years-old but I remember I would play with my friends at school and then come home and play in my room and I pretty much ignored my mom and dad. The only time I ever wanted to be physically close with my dad was when I was tired. Every night I would sit in his lap, and we'd be sitting on his big recliner and he'd read me bedtime stories or we'd watch one last T.V. show before he carried me into my bedroom and tucked me in. And I can remember wakin up 'cause the neighbors were fighting and I'd get a little scared and I'd run into my parents' bedroom and jump up on the bed and wrap my dad's arms around me. Both my parents were really heavy sleepers, took way more then me movin around on the bed to wake 'em up.

Addy's only done that once. She had a bad dream and woke me up and I was too tired to calm her down then put her back in her bed so I just let her sleep in between me and Buffy. She's pretty good at the self-comfort thing, she'll calm herself down after a nightmare and go back to sleep. Or sometimes she'll just lay in her bed and cry 'cause she's really scared. I've gone in a couple times and calmed her down but I think Mattie's gone in more then me. I don't know how he wakes up 'cause of her cryin. It's always really quiet, she never screams or anything, and Mattie is one of the heaviest sleepers ever. But he'll wake up and go in her room and sit down on the edge of her bed and talk to her and she'll finally calm down and go back to sleep.

I hear the backdoor open and I turn around and see, my dad? What is he doing here? I thought he went back to Boston? I guess that doesn't matter, does it? Did Buffy talk to him or something? 'Cause I just saw them exchange a little smile. This is a set up. I can't believe she knew my dad was comin back and she didn't tell me. Nice surprise though, I gotta admit that.

"Grampa Chris!" Addy and Mattie scream at the same time and run up to him. They both love him to death. I knew he'd make a good impression on them. Addy loves him 'cause he's always complimenting her. I don't know how many times he's called her the prettiest girl in the world. Mattie likes him 'cause he likes having another guy around. Someone who can teach him about bein a guy, ya know? It took Mattie a couple weeks to warm up to him bu t he finally did. My dad's always been good with little kids. Has this whole gentle giant thing about him. Even though his voice is kinda...strange soundin at first it doesn't take long to get used to it. I miss his old voice though.

"Hey, there. How are my favorite grand kids doin?" he asks and they tell them that they're fine and then he picks Addy up and gives her a little kiss on the cheek. She smiles and giggles 'cause of the stubble on his face. "So birthday girl, how's the party goin so far?" She smiles and says it's going great 'cause everyone she knows is here. I can't help but smile. So he's back, but for how long? He wipes some frosting off the corner of her mouth with his finger and then wipes it off on his jeans. "Have you opened any presents yet?"

"No. Mommy says I have ta wait 'til we're done with the cake." I look over at Kennedy when I see her step forward. She hasn't met my dad yet and she has this look on her face and I know she's gonna start some shit. She's protective, I don't blame her. Part of it has to do with the slayer side of her, the other part has to do with the fact that my little girl is in the arms of a man who looks a little dangerous, and Kennedy's never met him so she isn't gonna trust him until I tell her it's all good. And even after that she'll be a little weary. That's just her bein a good aunt. So before she can say anything I step forward and give my dad a hug.

"Hey, Dad, you didn't tell me you were comin over." He hugs me back and gives me a little kiss on the top of my head. I look over at Kennedy and Cordelia and motion them over. They put down their drinks and stand next to me. "Dad, this is my friend Kennedy and her girlfriend Cordelia. Guys, this is my dad Chris." Kennedy's suspicious, Cordelia's a little freaked out 'cause he's like eight inches taller then she is. And he has the rough look down pat. He is one very intimidating guy, I think that's why Kennedy is sizin him up right now.

"It's very nice meeting you," Cordelia says and they shake hands. She's smiling and looks friendly and everything but I can see in her eyes that she's a little scared of him. I can't help but feel proud. It takes a lot to get to Queenie this way 'cause she's seen a lot of scary demons and shit 'cause of her job at Angel's. So I'm proud that my dad is able to freak her out a little. He says a polite 'nice to meet you too' and then lets go of her hand. Then he turns his attention back to Addy.

"Your present's out in my car, wanna help me get it?" he asks and she nods her head yes. Hmm, I wonder what he got her? I guess we'll find out later. I watch as he carries her around the side of the house. He's gonna open up the gate instead of goin back through the house. I walk over to B and give her an evil little smile. She gets a worried look on her face and I lean in really close so my lips are almost touching her ear.

"You knew he was comin over, didn't you?" I ask and she gulps and nods her head yes. I smile a little more and give the shell of her ear a little lick. "You're so gonna pay for not telling me." She shivers a little and squeaks out a little 'ok' and I can see the look of lust in her eyes. She likes it when I 'punish her'. It's nothin really. I just tie her wrists to the bed post and spend hours teasin her before I finally send her over the edge in a mind blowing orgasm. But that's nothin compared to what I did with a couple of the guys back in Sunnydale. Me and B aren't into the whole domination/submission thing. We experimented a little with it before she got pregnant with Mattie but we didn't really like. Every once in a while I liked to be tied down but that's about it.

Well, it's been an hour since my dad showed up. All the cake is gone, all but one container of ice cream has been eaten, and all the presents have been opened. Willow got her a bunch of educational toys, Xander got her these really cool blocks that have magnets on the top and bottom so they won't fall over, Dawn bought her massive amounts of clothes, Giles got her a swan princess Barbie and a few packages of extra clothes for the doll. He also handed me and B a document stating how much money is in the college fund he set up for her. Enough so she can go to any school in the world if she gets accepted. He set one up for Mattie on his last birthday. We did the polite thing of telling him it's too much and we can't accept it, but we take it. Once we get 'financially independent' we'd never be able to raise enough money to send either one of 'em to a good college.

Anyway, B got her this huge tea set. Has over a hundred pieces to it and I know by the end of the week most of 'em are gonna be lost. She also got her a dress up play set, with a bunch of costumes and fake make up and all kinds of stuff. I got her somethin that I always wanted when I was a kid: a dollhouse. But not just any dollhouse. I had this one custom made. It has three stories. The downstairs has a living room, a kitchen, a dining room, a conservatory, a foyer, and a study. The second story has a master bedroom two smaller bedrooms, a bathroom, and a balcony. The third story is the attic.

The outside has a large porch. The little plastic windows look like stained glass, the window frames are gray, the shutters are pink, the house itself is a light grayish off white type of color. And I bought furniture for every room in it. And also some other stuff. Like instead of having three bedrooms, she can have two bedrooms and a nursery. Stuff like that. I also bough her a bunch of different dolls for it so she doesn't have to play with the same ones over and over again. B thinks I'm totally insane but I love it. I'm definitely gonna be playin with this probably more then Addy. All in all today was a great day. My dad's movin here thanks to Giles for givin him a job and a place to live, my baby got a lot of great stuff and I got to see my best friend again. Yep, right now life is great.


	34. Bittersweet

_The medical stuff might not be one hundred percent accurate. I'm not a doctor and I don't now anyone who is, so all the information I got off the internet.  
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**One Week Later.** FPOV

"Now you two be good for grampa Chris, ok?" I tell them as I put my jacket on. I don't know why I'm puttin it on, it's ninety-five degrees outside. But I really like this jacket. I got it for my birthday last year. Mattie and Addy are sittin on the couch, lookin up at me with these sad little looks 'cause they have to stay home. They really wanted to come to the hospital with us for B's appointment but we said no way. When these two get bored they argue, so there's no way in hell we're takin 'em with us.

"Ok Mama. When you get back can we have ice cream?" Addy asks and kinda tilts her head to the side as she waits for the answer. She's such a weirdo, but she's great, I love her to death. She's turnin into quite the little storyteller. Yesterday when I was tryin to get the laundry done she followed me around and told me all about this imaginary friend she has and all of the wackiness that they got into. It was all one big lie but whatever. I wasn't really paying attention 'cause I had stuff that I needed to do.

"If grampa Chris tells me you two were better then angels then you can have some ice cream when we get back." I grab my purse off the end table and look down at my watch. Fuck, we're gonna be late. "Buffy, hurry up, we're late!" I hear her yell 'hold on a fucking minute!'. Yeah, her language has gotten real bad the last couple of days. She feels really crappy now and she's sore all over most of the time 'cause her joints are startin to loosen. I cried almost everyday when that happened to me. But B isn't bein depressed about it. Nope, she's being bitchy, but we're doing our best to put up with it, although Addy is talkin back more then normal.

"Ok, I'm ready," she says in a sweet voice. She has a Jekyll/Hyde thing going on and it's kind of creepy. One second she's bitchy and mean and you don't wanna be around her, and the next she's the sweetest most affectionate person on the planet. Yeah, she's never getting pregnant again, that's for damn sure. Three's enough, I think after this we should both get fixed. She walks over to the kids and gives each other them a hug. "I will see you guys," she gives Addy a kiss on the head. "In a few hours ok?" She gives Matthew a kiss on the head and takes a step back so she can look at both of 'em. "Be good for your grampa Chris ok?" They both sigh and let out a very bored sounding 'we will'.

"Alright B, lets get the fuck outta here." And before any of us can move I hear my dad come out of the kitchen and he looks a little annoyed.

"Faith Isabelle Lehane," he says in a very stern voice. What the fuck did I do? I look over at B and the kids for some kind of support or somethin but all three of 'em have the same look on their faces. This look that says 'someone is in trouble' in a very singsong type of voice. And they're all tryin not to smile. "Watch your language young lady." And he isn't jokin around or nothin, he's completely serious.

"'Young lady'? I'm thirty-two years old." And then he smiles and starts laughin a little. I guess the look on my face was funny or something. Ya know, when he told me he was moving here, I thought it would be great. I figured we could build a relationship, hangout and stuff like that. I didn't really think he was going to treat me like a daughter. I thought this would be more of a friends thing, but nope. It has been bad, he'll just do little things like that. He's never said my middle name when doing it and I know B is gonna give me plenty of shit about it. Yeah, we've been together for years, we're married now and she didn't know my middle name. I was supposed to take it to my grave, but I guess the cat's outta the bag.

"You're funny, very funny. You should do stand up 'cause you're so fuckin funny." He stops laughing and gives me a very stern look. I look away and the kids start giggling. I glare at them just like my dad did to me and Mattie stops giggling but Addy doesn't. I glare at her a little more but she starts laughing on purpose, forcing it out just to make me mad. She likes to test me, and it's getting irritating. "Ok, B, lets go. I guess we'll be the only ones getting ice cream, 'cause our kids are being little brats." They both look horrified. That'll teach 'em to laugh at me. "I'm just kidding. You two be good, I mean it." They nod their heads and me and Buffy leave.

I help her walk down the steps and she tries to shrug me off the entire time. But I worry, ya know? She's bigger now then she ever was with Mattie, her balance is off a lot and I really don't want her to fall. She's been stubborn throughout this entire pregnancy. I keep telling her to take it easy, that the laundry can wait a day and the bathroom doesn't have to be spotless. But she's fighting me and I keep telling her that she can hurt herself or that baby but she's being stubborn. What is it with Summers women and them being so damn stubborn? I guess Dawn has been acting the same way.

"Faith, get off me, I'm not a fucking china doll." I know that, but would it kill you to let me help you get in the car? Fuck, what is her problem? I understand the hormones, and the bitchiness but I wasn't like this. Even when she was pregnant with Mattie she let me help her up and down stairs and in and out of the car. Now she's sayin she's not a china doll or whatever. She slams the car door closed and I try not to sigh or act pissed even though I am a little. I get in the car and start it up. I pull out of the driveway and we make out way to the hospital.

I am really excited about this visit. We're findin out if the baby is gonna be a boy or a girl. I'm rooting for a boy. How cool would it be to have another little boy? Now that Mattie is more into playing with his friends I think it would be cool to have a little four year old who wants to rough house with me and play baseball and football and all other kinds of sports. I do that with Mattie still but he gets embarrassed when I try to participate with him and his friends. For a while there I was the embarrassing mom who tries too hard. Yeah, I know, how horrible is that? I thought I'd never turn into that and for two weeks or so I did. And he didn't wanna hurt my feelings so he went to B about it and she told me that it would be better if I back off a little.

Addy likes to play sports a little but not as much as Mattie and she's only three so it isn't as fun 'cause she can't catch the ball yet. She's not into the girly stuff too much and she tries to act more like a boy, especially around Mattie. But I think she's doin it just to impress him. She likes wearing skirts and dresses and things like that but she wants to act tomboy. I don't know what it is with her and idolizing him. Do all younger siblings do that? I'll have to talk to Dawn. I know for a while there she wanted to be just like me but Joyce put a stop to it when she started to dress a little too sexy for her age.

"And it's not like I can't do things by myself. I mean, I'm only six months along, and sure I'm bigger then I was with Mattie, but that's just normal. Most women get bigger with their second pregnancy." And the bitching begins. I try to ignore it whenever it starts but sometimes she says things that I probably should pay attention to, but whatever. She's pissed and there's nothing I can do about it so I might as well just keep my mouth shut and let her rant 'cause that's the only thing that will make her shut up.

I remember our very first fight. We were dating for three months and everything was going great. Nobody thought it would last that long, including me, but that didn't really matter. All that mattered was we were finally together, like we were supposed to be from the beginning. At least I think we were. Anyway, we were both in really bad moods and she was on a tear with the ranting. I finally got so sick of it I started gettin a little bitchy too and we ended up screaming at each other. I kicked her out of my apartment and told her if she knew what was good for her she'd stay the fuck away. We didn't talk to each other for five days. Dawn was the one who finally brought us back together. She told me that Buffy was finally happy again, after being so emotionally detached and everything 'cause of bein ripped out of heaven, and if I didn't want to wake up on fire I'd come to my senses and apologize.

And for a while there Brat was gettin into the magic. Casting spells and stuff like that, becoming pretty powerful, but she never indulged in it like Red. She only did the magic if she needed to and she didn't make it an extra curricular thing. But we had Red to work the big mojo so Dawn was never in any danger of overdosing on it, and that's what B was flippin out about. That's the reason she was on the tear so bad that day. She found some spell books and herbs and shit in Dawn's room and confronted her about it and they fought, and then B came to me to rant about it but I was PMSing at the time so I wasn't really capable of listening to one of her rants.

"I'm not saying that I don't need help doing some things. It's hard for me to bend over and stuff, so bathing Addison is almost impossible and doing laundry is getting to be pretty hard but I feel fine. I haven't had any pain or anything so there's nothing wrong." Did she really just fuckin say that? Five bucks says she just jinxed it. Ok, I'm going to stop paying attention now because she's talking about Dawn and how annoying she has become. Brat is pregnant with twins, they found out about it two days ago and she called up Buffy and was all excited but that changed really fuckin quick once the reality set in. Now she's worried all the time and she calls the house a lot needing to talk to Buffy.

I understand it completely. She's scared and feelin overwhelmed and she really needs someone to talk to. Someone whose already been through a pregnancy. It's different with twins though. It's twice the demand on your body, twice the stress and fear of becoming a parent. She joined some type of support group or whatever for pregnant women with twins but she could really use her sister right now. Some of the time she has to settle for me. B will be too busy being bitchy to talk to Damn rationally. I can usually comfort Dawn, convince her for a while that everything is gonna be ok and no matter what her friends and family will be there for her but she isn't entirely convinced.

Finally we're at the hospital. That was the longest car ride of my fuckin life! B finally shuts up now that we're in front of other people. I shut off the car and she gets out and I don't help her but I stand on the passenger side of the car just in case she needs me. She may not want my help but if she needs it she's gonna get it even if she hates me for it. That's my baby too, and I'm not about to let her put _our_ baby in danger just because she's as stubborn as an ox, or however the saying goes.

Now we're waiting in the lobby for the doctor finish...whatever it is she's doin. We're at the same hospital where Addy had her surgery but for some reason B doesn't want to see Dr. Montgomery anymore. I don't get it, she seemed nice enough, she comes very highly recommended, and she helped make out baby girl better. But B doesn't want to go to her anymore, so I'm not gonna push the issue. If B is uncomfortable around her I'm not gonna try and convince her to go. The doctor we're seein now is just as good but she doesn't have as much experience with the surgery aspect of it.

"Faith and Buffy Lehane, the doctor will see you now," the nurse says and we stand up, it takes B a little longer especially since she won't let me help her up. But we're led to the room where the doctor is waiting. The first thing she does is takes B's blood pressure and then a blood sample. Every time she gets an exam they do this, but whatever. It's to make sure that they're both healthy so I guess I'll just sit back and relax until they get to the part that I really wanna know, the sex of the baby. "Ok, this is going to be cold so just try and relax." She puts some of the jelly stuff on B's stomach and she shivers 'cause it's cold. I hated that stuff when I was pregnant with Addy.

I look up at the monitor when she puts the probe thing on Buffy's stomach and moves it around a little. The first thing we hear is the heartbeat and the doctor makes the comment that everything sounds very strong and healthy. Then the image appears on the screen. The doctor lightly presses down on B's stomach and the baby moves around a little bit. It kicks and then rolls over, which is what she wanted. It had it's back to the probe so there's no way we'd be able to see what it's got between its legs. The doctor smiles and looks over at us.

"You've got yourselves a little boy." Wow, a boy. Another little boy. I'm so excited I think I'm about to burst. I sit down in the plastic chair is scoot closer to Buffy. I hold onto her hand and we keep lookin at the monitor. I gently rub the back of B's hand with my thumb. A little boy. He is going to be so spoiled. I wonder what he's gonna look like. Will he look like Mattie, or will he look more like B? I hear the doctor say 'hmm' and I look over. She has a very...serious look on her face. She moves the probe a little lower. What is she looking for? Is there something wrong? What's wrong with our baby? "Mrs. Lehane, have you experienced any vaginal bleeding lately?" B looks over at the doctor and she looks a little scared.

"I had some spotting yesterday, not a lot. I thought it was because I worked a little harder then I normally do." She's been going out of her mind because she can't slay and to make up for it she's been doing housework almost none stop. I kept telling her to slow down, but she hasn't listened to me. I'm trying really hard not to be mad right now. If her housework is the reason there's something wrong...it's going to be really hard for me not to be mad.

"Mrs. Lehane, I'm afraid you have what's called complete placenta previa. Now normally the placenta is higher up in the uterus and you'd have to push it out after you give birth." We've both had kids so we both know this. "But in your case, the placenta is low in the uterus, so low it's completely covering your cervix." Well that can't be good. It doesn't sound good. "That means it's blocking your baby's way out of your uterus. There is a very small chance that the placenta is going to move, but there is some hope that as the uterus expands it will unblock your cervix. If it doesn't you're going to need a cesarean section. You'll be put on an epidural only with a stronger dose then normal, and you can be awake during the procedure and your partner can be in the room if you both want." We're both quiet for a few minutes and B looks over at the screen.

"But my baby is ok? He's not hurt or in any danger?" she asks and puts her free hand on the side of her stomach where there's no jelly. Her voice sounds so strained, and I know she's tryin so hard not to cry. I hope she doesn't start 'cause if she does then I'll start too.

"He's fine for the time being. You're going to have to go on a pelvic rest, which means no sex of any kind. Sex can cause premature labor, if your cervix dilates with the placenta over it the placenta will tear and you can start hemorrhaging and both you and your baby could die." Ok so no sex. It'll be hell but we'll do whatever it takes to make sure B and the baby are safe. "I'm also putting you on bed rest. Strenuous activity can cause the cervix to thin out or dilate a little and even just a little bit can cause spotting or extremely heavy bleeding. I'm also going to recommend that you increase your intake of iron to compensate for any blood loss." Bed rest? B's going to go insane. "I want you to come back in seven weeks for another ultrasound and come in immediately if you have any more bleeding, ok?" Buffy nods her head yes, but she's pretty out of it. I don't think she's really paying attention.

"Thank you, doctor," I say but I don't really know why. I'm in shock I guess. Buffy could die, our baby could die. I don't understand. Why is this happening? The doctor sighs and shuts off the ultrasound machine. Today was supposed to be a happy day. What the hell did we do to deserve this?

"There's more, I'm afraid." More? What could possibly be worst then what she's already told us? "After you're given a c-section, and you mostly likely will, you're given a drug called Pitocin, which causes the uterus to contract and it stops the normal bleeding that women get when they have cesarean after the placenta is taken out. But the lower part of the uterus, where the placenta is now, doesn't contract as well as the upper part, so the contractions are not as effective at stopping the bleeding. And because the placenta is so low it may not separate easily after delivery, and that's called placenta accreta. Placenta accreta can cause severe bleeding you may need a hysterectomy and a blood transfusion." Wow, so it is worst.

"I won't be able to have any more children?" B sounds like she's about to break down. I scoot the chair closer and gently stroke her hair. I pull her hand up to my mouth and leave a little kiss on the back of it. She looks into my eyes and she looks so...devastated. I guess she really did want more then just three. When our relationship was still new and we did the whole 'when I was little I used to dream about...' and she told me that she's always wanted four kids. She said the sex of the babies didn't matter, but she wanted four and she wanted to plan it so she could have one kid in almost every stage. Like, one teenager, then an adolescent, and a toddler and a baby.

"It's a risk, yes. I don't mean to upset you, Buffy." Usage of the first name, that's never a good sign, especially with a doctor you don't know very well. "But you need to be aware of what's going on and what can happen. You need to understand the gravity of the situation." She nods her head yes and a tear leaks out of her right eye. I reach over and lightly brush it away. "Now, I need you to sign some consent forms, just in case you go into premature labor and we have to do an emergency cesarean." We nod our heads and she hands me some paper towels and she leaves the room to go get the consent forms. B's too busy trying not to cry so I wipe up the jelly stuff as best I can 'cause my hands are shakin a little, and I gently pull her shirt down. And now we're sittin in a very heavy silence. I hate silence, always have always will.

"Do you want me in the room with you during the c-section?" I can't think of anything else to say. I guess that was the wrong thing because she's braking down now. She's crying really hard and I'm trying my best to comfort her. I'm practically lying in the chair with her and I'm holding her and rubbing her back and lightly shushing her but nothing is working. I don't think I've ever felt so useless in my entire life.

BPOV

The car ride home is silent except for Faith's nervous thumb tapping against the steering wheel of the car. She'll tap both thumbs and then there's a split second pause before she does it again so it's like _tap-tap...tap-tap...tap-tap_. I can't believe this is happening. Everything was supposed to be fine. Everything was finally perfect. I guess perfection doesn't last long for me, never has if you think about it. I feel a little embarrassed for breaking down like that, especially when the doctor came back in the room and I couldn't stop. She had to get me a glass of water because I was starting to dehydrate, and it took me thirty minutes to calm down enough to sign the papers. If felt like I was signing my soul away...it's hard to explain.

_Tap-tap...tap-tap...tap-tap_. When the doctor told me what was happening...it was probably the worst feeling in the world. Probably just below how I felt when I thought Addison was killed by that demon a couple years ago. Now I feel empty, hollow, but it's filling up with fear and anxiety, but the doctor said that might happen. I'm afraid for my baby. She said that he's fine for the time being. For the time being. That means something bad can happen to him.

He could die, or be born with a very low birth weight or something and that can cause complications. Like if they have to take him out of me if I start bleeding and can't stop, his brain won't be fully formed and he could be mentally disabled for the rest of his life. Or his lungs might not be developed enough and he'll have to live in an incubator at the hospital until he's big enough. _Tap-tap...tap-tap...tap-tap..tap-_

"Will you knock that off?" I can't help but yell and sound like a total bitch. She apologizes but I'm not paying attention. I'm looking out the window and watching the bright lights of the city and all of the people that are walking around. Some of them look happen but a lot of them don't. They look like they've been up all night and they lost everything trying to win big. This is Vegas after all, a lot of people go bankrupt trying to win a lot of money. I guess you gotta spend money to make money, or however that stupid saying goes.

I don't understand. Today was supposed to be such a great day. We're having a boy, a little baby boy and I should be happy, but I'm not. It feels a lot like the months after Willow brought me back from heaven. Some things were happening that I should have been happy about, but I had to fake it. I had to pretend to be happy so they wouldn't worry but it took so much energy out of me and they would notice and worry even more. I'm just so glad that I don't have to pretend. I'd probably die of exhaustion. I am going to have to act a little though. I can't let Matthew and Addison see how badly this is affecting me. I don't want them to worry about me or the happy. They're just little kids, they should be happy and play and run around and all the other things that happy kids do. But I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle this in front of them. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep that mask up. _Tap-tap...tap-tap_.

"Faith stop!" I scream and the car serves hard to the left but she gets control. Thank God she decided to take the back roads instead of the freeway or that would have caused an accident. I tighten my grip on my stomach when I feel the baby move around. I haven't let go of my stomach since I got in the car. My little baby boy might die and there's nothing I can do about it. "I'm sorry for screaming, but I just...will you turn on the radio if the silence is getting to you?" She nods her head and reaches over and turns it to her favorite station. She keeps it low so I'll be able to drown out the noise. I don't want to hear anything right now.

Right now I just wanna go home and crawl into bed and never get up again. I want to be left along, in silence so I can suffer quietly. I don't want to be around anyone and I don't want any noise. I want to go away to my own little world for a little while where things aren't as bad. I want to pretend that everything is going to be ok. I want to be in denial for at least a couple of hours, that way maybe I can be happy for just a few minutes. Maybe if I can make myself pretend that everything is normal then I can be happy that I'm having a baby boy. A little baby boy.

Maybe I can do what I did when I was pregnant with Matthew. I can lay in my bed and stare down at my stomach and gently rub it and think about all the things I'm going to buy. All of the clothes for one thing. With Matthew I bought a lot of blue, but I think for this baby I'm going to go with dark green. I can buy a new basinet that has dark green lining and I can get a lot of dark green blankets. Just lots and lots of dark green. I don't know why but I just feel like this baby is going to look good in dark green.

I should also start picking out some names. When Matthew was still inside me I thought we were having a girl so I picked out a couple of girl names, but I never got to use them and Faith was so stubborn about Addison's name, but that's fine because it's a really pretty name and I love it. So what am I going to name this boy? I've always liked the name Donovan...but something about that feels a little off. I don't know. He doesn't feel like a Donovan. Maybe I should just wait until I can talk it over with Faith. When I was pregnant with Matthew we used to talk for hours about baby names. Mostly all of the names that she wasn't going to let me name our baby. Like Gertrude or Margaret. But I think we should wait until he's born. Maybe I'll know what his name is when I'm holding him in my arms and looking into his little eyes. If I get to see him. Giving birth to him could kill us both, or just me, or just him.

"Buffy." Huh? What? I take a look around. I must've really been zoned out because we're in our driveway. "We're back. Do you need some help getting outta the car?" I might as well not fight her anymore. I nod my head yes and unbuckle my seatbelt and open the door but I don't move. She wants to fuss over me then let her. I don't care anymore. I've been fighting it because I've felt controlled, like she was just trying to do things her way, but doing things my way hasn't worked so I guess I'll just let her take the reins now. I don't care. I don't know why but I just can't make myself care anymore.

I look up when I see her shadow fall over me. She holds out her hand and I grab onto it. She puts her other hand on my upper arm and gently helps me out of the car. I lean against her a little bit because I need to feel her. I want to be alone but I want her with me at the same time. It's a very strange feeling and I want it to go away. She closes the door and uses the little control on the key chain to lock the car. We walk up the driveway and up the walkway to the porch and she helps me up the stairs. I can hear the kids laughing inside, they sound so happy. I don't want to be around that. I don't want to be around happy people when I'm so miserable.

"Why don't you just go change into your pajamas and get in bed? I'll talk to the kids, ok?" she asks and gently rubs my arm. She hasn't touched my stomach since the doctor told us about my...complication. All I do is nod my head. I'm feeling a little numb and I don't really know what to do, it's good that she's here to give me direction. Besides, once I lay down I'm probably not going to get up again. The doctor said bed rest and when Faith asked about it when I was filling out the forms she said I can get up to use the bathroom and take a bath but that's it. Other then that I have to stay in bed.

She unlocks the door and slowly opens it. I don't think the kids have noticed because they're still laughing and playing whatever it is they're playing. She steps aside to let me in first and I slowly walk into the foyer. I take my coat off and hang it on the rack. I slowly walk into the living room and see what's going on. Matthew and Addison are playing twister, Chris is one spinning the little spinner thing. Addison tilts her head back and she sees me.

"Mommy you're back!" she yells out and smiles and I should feel happy that she's glad to see me, but I don't. All I feel is the fear of her running up to me and trying to give me a hug and bumping into my stomach and something going wrong. So before her or Matthew can stand up straight I rush out of the room. "Is Mommy mad at me? 'Cause I was good, Mama, better then a angel, like you said." She sounds so upset and I do care, I really do. I want to run back in there and give her a big hug and tell her that I'm not mad, but I can't force myself to do it. Because the fear of something happening to the baby is greater then the need to comfort her. So I got into my bedroom and change into some pajamas and crawl under the covers.

What am I going to do? How am I going to survive this? Three months on bed rest...I don't think I'll make it with my sanity intact. How is everything going to get done? With Faith in school and no one else around to help me how is the housework going to get done? Who's going to mix my breakfast and lunch? I normally don't eat until after Faith leaves for school and I want her to still go but I don't think she's going to be able to. I mean, I need her here. I want her to get her GED because it's so important to her now but if she doesn't stay home then who's going to take care of everything?

Ok, I need to stop thinking about this. I don't want to think about anything serious right now. I just want to go far away from here, not physically but mentally. I wanna be catatonic like I was after Glory took Dawn, but I want to go to a happy place. I don't know if you read this or not, I don't think I've ever talked about it to you but Faith once asked me if I've ever wished I was still in heaven since I've been with her. And right now I can honestly say that I do. I want to get rid of these feelings. The fear, the anxiety, the desire to just curl up in a ball and hide away from the rest of the world. I want to be back in heaven where I was safe and warm and loved. Where things weren't scary or hard. I just want to be happy again. Things were so much better a couple hours ago, why can't I get that back?

I hear a small knock on my bedroom door. I look over when I hear it creak open. Faith is standing there with the kids. They look a little...upset and Addison looks a little scared. I sniffle and wipe my eyes. When did I start crying? I look down at Faith's sides and she's holding onto their hands. She slowly walks into the room and leads them in, they're both holding onto her hands so tightly that they're turning red. She sits down on the edge of her side of the bed. She's facing me, her calves are dangling over the edge and the kids crawl up on either side of her. Addison sits in her lap and Matthew sits a few inches away from her back. I sniffle again and sit up in the bed and rest my back against the headboard.

"Come here," I say softly and hold out my arms. They both slowly crawl towards me and I wrap my arms around them as best as I can. Addison is leaning against my chest and it hurts a little bit because my breasts are constantly sore but I don't mind. Matthew is by my stomach and he's looking down at it with a lot of confusion on his face. He reaches out with one hand and gently touches it over my shirt. He's hesitating though, I can tell he wants to put his whole hand on it and not just his fingertips. So I reach out and gently put my hand on top of his and press it down against my stomach very softly. "What did Mama tell you guys?" I say softly and they look at Faith and then at me.

"She said somethin in your tummy is makin you sick and you have ta stay in bed. And she said you're not mad at me you're just sad cause my baby is sick." I smile a little and give her kiss on her forehead. I reach out and run my fingers through Matthew's hair. He has gotten so big. He used to be just a tiny baby, crying every two hours so he could eat. Well, snack. He never ate much in the beginning but after the first four days when he was hungry he'd spend forty-five minutes on my breast and most of the time I'd have to switch him over to the other one. Once I started him on the bottle he'd have three almost every time. He had a very healthy appetite for a slayer.

"Did she tell you the good news?" I ask and they both shake their heads no. I look over at Faith and she slightly shakes her head no and scoots a little closer to us but she's keeping her distance. "The baby is a boy." They both get these big smiles on their faces and Matthew lets out a little laugh. He's always wanted a little brother and now he's getting one. Hopefully, if everything from here on out goes right then he'll be getting a little brother. Addison told me a couple weeks ago that she doesn't care if it's a boy or a girl she just wants the baby to hurry up and come out.

"What are we gonna call him?" Addison asks and gently touches my stomach. She's a little hesitant too, so I reach over with my other hand and put it over hers and gently press it down against my stomach. I feel the baby move around a little bit and I guess they can feel him too because their eyes are getting really big. "I feel him movin, Mommy." She sounds so awe struck I can't help but smile.

Even though this moment is very sweet and cute all that I can't help but feel a little detached. Like I'm watching this from a third person point of view. I can pretend all I want that nothing serious is happening to me, and I can ignore it, but that won't do me any good. And seeing them being so happy because they can feel the baby, and seeing them so happy because we finally know he's a boy...it's making me a feel a little worst. Like I'm getting their hopes up or something because something bad can still happen and we can lose him. Faith sees that I'm starting to get a little upset and she comes to my rescue.

"Ok guys, it's time to go." That's a weird way to word that. I give her a questioning look and she gets the 'oh, I forgot to tell you' look on her face. "I figured we could both use some rest so my dad is gonna take 'em back to his place until tomorrow." I nod my head yes and give Addison a big hug and a kiss on top of her head. She hugs me back and when she pulls back she gives me a little kiss on the cheek. I can't help but smile. She hardly ever does that to anyone but Matthew. Faith reaches over and pulls Addison into her lap. I look at my son and he scoots closer to me and I wrap my arms around him.

No matter how big he gets or how much of an adult he becomes he's always going to be my little boy. My little baby boy that I held in my arms even though I was so tired I felt like I was going to pass out. And I looked down into those little brown eyes and I knew that right then everything in my life was going to change and I wasn't scared or overwhelmed. I was glad. I was so happy. Because I knew that there's nothing I could do in this world that will make me feel more fulfilled then just looking down into those eyes and seeing the life that Faith and I brought into this world. And then Addison came along and I have double the happiness. Only it's a little different with her. The feeling isn't as strong, probably because I didn't carry her inside of me. I try not to think about it. I don't love one more then the other, that's not what I'm saying at all. I guess it's just a little too hard for me to explain. I give Matthew a kiss on top of his head.

"I'll see you two tomorrow ok?" They nod their heads yes and Matthew holds onto me a little tighter. Addison crawls forward and gently kisses my stomach over the shirt, right above my bellybutton. She whispers something, but I can't hear what she's saying and then she scoots up closer to me and gives me a hug. "I love you," I say to Addison and give her a kiss on her cheek. "And I love you," I say to Matthew and give him a kiss on the cheek. For the first time in a long time he doesn't wipe off the spot where my lips were. "Be good for your grampa Chris, alright?" They say they will and they give me one last hug before they get off the bed and leave the room. Faith leans over and gives me a little kiss on the lips before she leaves the room.

I sigh a little and rest my head on my pillow. I lay on my side, facing Faith's side of the bed. I look over at the nightstand and I see a picture of us. It's the very first picture that showed us acting coupley. Willow took it when we weren't looking. We're sitting on the of Willow's old apartment in Shasta Lake. I wasn't feeling very good, I was getting a cold, and Faith let me sit on her lap and she gently rubbed my back and in the picture she's giving me a little kiss on my forehead.

We were so young then, in our early twenties. I was…twenty-two when Sunnydale collapsed, so she was twenty. She's always taken such good care of me. Even in the beginning of the relationship when we were still figuring everything out, when we were getting to know each other as more then just friends and slayers. That's where I want to be. I want to go back to that. I want to feel secure again. Even if it's only for a little while and even if it's only in my mind, I still want it. So I close my eyes and I try to remember everything about that day so I can relive it inside my head.

FPOV

"I love you guys," I say as I wrap them both up in a big hug. They hug me back and I give each of 'em a kiss on the temple. "I'll call you before your bedtime to say goodnight, ok?" They nod their heads yes and I pull back. They pick up their bags and sling 'em over their shoulders. I stand up and give my dad a hug. He leans down so my chin is resting on his shoulder. "Their bedtime is at eight-thirty, knowin them they'll probably try to talk you into letting them stay up later." He gives me a little kiss on the cheek and I smile.

"Don't worry, I'll take good care of 'em," he says and pulls back from the hug. I know he's going to let them stay up later. I just gotta gut feelin about this one. He used to let me stay up late sometimes and we'd watch the lame late night T.V. shows and make fun of 'em. And he'd make me hot chocolate and tell me stories about his childhood and growin up in Missouri. Oh yeah, they're gonna love having a sleepover at grampa Chris' house. I give each of 'em one last kiss before they leave and as my dad pulls out of the driveway the kids start waving to me from the backseat of the car. I smile and wave back and stand there and watch until they're out of sight.

Things were supposed to be so much better then this. I feel like it's my fault. I'm the reason the spell fucked up. Ok, so I'm not the one that scared Red almost half to death but…the spell she was working on was changing an inanimate object into a real one. She was trying to turn a toy rabbit into a real one and she was going to let it go in the forest. And that morning B was feeling a little frisky so I wore the strap on under my pants so I could surprise her with it later. When we got hit with that large blast of magic it turned the strap on into the real thing. And I can't help but feel like this placenta prev…whatever it is B has is a consequence for it. Ok, I need to stop thinking about this, it's going to drive me insane if I do.

I stand in my bedroom doorway and look at B. She's lyin on her side with her eyes closed but I know she's not sleeping. She's gently rubbin her stomach with her right hand. This is the first time since we left the hospital that she's looked…peaceful, I guess. I'm not too sure how to describe it. She looks like she did before we found out about the complication. I wonder what she's thinking about? I have no idea, and as much as I wanna know, I don't want to disturb her. I don't want to pull her out of wherever her mind as wandered off to. So I turn around to leave. Maybe there's somethin on T.V. that will help take my mind off this.

"Faith?" I hear her say and I turn back around. She's looking at me with a small smile on her face. I guess she was able to hold onto the happy feeling even though she's left the happy place. "Will you lay with me?" I slip off my shoes and put them next to the dresser and crawl under the covers. She puts her head on my shoulder but the rest of her body is kind of at an angel facing away from me. She can't get too close because her stomach is so big.

"What were you thinking about?" I ask and give her a little kiss on the forehead. This whole 'not being able to have sex' thing is probably going to drive me insane. We usually can't last more then a week, how the hell are we going to last for three months? And I can at least get myself off if I'm desperate enough, B can't even do that. The doctor said that her havin an orgasm could make everything a whole lot worst.

"Our first time," she says and giggles a little. Yeah, that could put a smile on just about anyone's face. I give her another little kiss on the forehead. "Do you remember the song that was on the radio right after we finished?" Yeah I do. It's the song that I used to sing to her all the time, and then I just sort of stopped. I don't know why. It's the same one I sang to Addy when she had that bad ear infection. She shifts her legs around a little and I nod my head yes.

"Do you remember all the words?" Again I nod yes. "Will you sing it to me? You used to sing to me all the time." Make me feel guilty why don't ya, jeez. I'll let it go because being mad at her right now would be fucked up 'cause of everything she's going through. I gently pull away from her and turn on my side so I'm facing her and I give her a little kiss on the lips. I tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear and hold onto her hands. I give her another little kiss and look into her eyes and I start to sing the first verse. I don't have a good singing voice, but it doesn't matter to her.

"'I never understood before. I never knew what love was for. My heart was broke, my head was sore, what a feelin. Tied up in ancient history. I didn't believe in destiny. I look up you're standin next to me, what a feelin.'" And now the chores, "'What a feelin in my soul, love burns brighter then sunshine. It's brighter then sunshine. Let the rain fall I don't care. I'm yours and suddenly you're mine. Suddenly you're mine, and it's brighter then sunshine.'"

And now the second verse, "'I never saw it happening. I'd given up and given in. I just couldn't take the hurt again, what a feelin. I didn't have the strength to fight. Suddenly you seemed so right. Me and you, what a feelin. What a feelin in my soul, love burns brighter then sunshine. It's brighter then sunshine. Let the rain fall I don't care. I'm yours and suddenly you're mine. Suddenly you're mine, and it's brighter then sunshine. Love will remain a mystery. But give me your hand and you will see, you're heart's keeping time with me.'" I finish off the song with the chores and she has tears in her eyes. I reach up with my hand and gently wipe them away. I lean in and kiss her deeply and we melt into each other.

"Try to get some sleep ok?" I ask and she nods her head. I wrap my arm around her the best I can and I rest my forehead against hers. We close our eyes and I gently rub her side and leave little whisper kisses against the skin right in between her eyes. I stop when I feel her eyebrows scrunch up a little. I can't help but smile. Now I know where Addy gets it from. I hold her until she falls asleep. I pull back a little bit and she mumbles somethin about marzipan and quiets down again.

I slowly scoot down the bed until I'm eye level with her stomach. I very carefully unbutton her shirt and open it up so her stomach is exposed to me. I gently run my fingers over it. She was freakin out a few weeks ago because of the stretch marks. She didn't get any with Mattie, but she has a lot with this one. I rub lotion on her everyday and she loves it. I always put the bottle in the fridge for ten minutes so it's nice and cold. She likes cold.

"Ok kid, I know you probably can't hear me 'cause I have to be quiet, but I need ta say this anyway. Up until now you've been livin a pretty sweet life. It's nice and dark in there, you're floatin around in a bunch of warm fluid, and all your meals come to you. But you gotta start pullin your weight now. You have to be ok…you just have to. There's no other option here. She can't take that kind of hurt, I don't think she'll be able to get over it, so you have to do everything you can to be ok. It isn't so bad out here. You have a big brother and a big sister that are dying to meet you. The person you're living in is going to spoil you until you can't stand it anymore. You're already loved by a whole bunch of people, and you don't wanna miss out on that, trust me." I kiss the skin right above her bellybutton and Buffy mumbles a little and moves her legs around. This baby has to be ok, because I don't think either of us will be the same if he's not.

BPOV

What the hell? When did I fall asleep? I know Faith said that I should try but I wasn't really going to. I was going to wait until she fell asleep and then stay up and just think. About what, I have no idea. And where is Faith? I don't feel her. I open my eyes and she isn't lying next to me. But on her pillow is a piece of paper. I pick it up and quickly scan it. I've always loved Faith's handwriting. It's a lot girlier then I thought it would be. She uses a lot of swirls and stuff like that. And whenever she writes me little notes like this she always draws little hearts on 'em. She's such a girl, even if she doesn't want to admit it. Anyway, the note says, 'B, went to get some dinner I'll be back in a little bit. I left your iron pills on your nightstand so take 'em and drink the entire glass of water. I'll know if you're lying so just do it. Love, Faith'.

I roll my eyes and crumble the note up and toss it in the garbage basket that's next to the dresser. She shoots and…she scores! Buffy Summers wins the championship…haaaaaaaaah. That's supposed to be the sound of a roaring crowd, but whatever. I roll over onto my other side only I move a little slower then I normally would. Why is my shirt unbuttoned? What the hell? Did I do that in my sleep? It wouldn't surprise me, I've done some strange things in my sleep. I put the two very gross tasting pills in my mouth and down the entire glass of water. I let out a long 'aahhhh' when I finish and set the glass on the table.

Ya know, if I didn't have to do this for a bad reason, I could totally see myself getting used to this bed rest thing. People pampering me almost non-stop, tending to my every need, putting up with all my bitchiness…yep, this would be the life if I weren't so afraid for my baby's life. I prop my pillow up against the headboard and lean against it so the wood won't hurt my back. I gently rub my bare stomach and I can feel the baby moving around a little bit. He isn't kicking, just rolling over.

"I think your name is going to start with a J," I say even though I don't think he can hear me. But who knows, maybe he can. "It can't be James because that's your brother's middle name. I was thinking maybe…Jamie. No…that sounds too much like a girl's name. But it is a boy's name too." I rub my stomach a little more and look over at the alarm clock on my nightstand. It's almost six o' clock, I wonder how long Faith's been gone. "But what middle name is going to go with Jamie and Lehane?" That's a very good question. Maybe I should leave it up to Faith. I hope she's open to the name Jamie but I'm sort of falling in love with it.

I hear the front door open and then close. That must be Faith. Either that or someone found the spare key under the ceramic bunny and is braking into my house. Ok, Buffy, you're just being paranoid. You live in the middle of suburbia, there's no way in hell someone's gonna brake into your house. Then again this is the perfect neighborhood for one of those stories to start out 'it happened in a small town where nothing like this ever happened before'. Alright, I need to stop thinking about it. If I don't think about it it'll just go away. The door slowly opens and I can't help but tense up for a second. But then I see Faith, holding a very large plate of food and a little brown paper bag and I relax. She looks over at me and smiles.

"Good you're awake. Did you have a nice nap? It sounded like you were having a very good dream," she smiles a little devilish smile and closes the door. It's still a little light outside but she turns on her table lamp anyway because it'll be dark soon, and I do the same. I tell her that I don't remember the dream even though I do. I dreamt about our first time together. Feeling her clit against mine for the very first time, her telling me how good I feel against her…that's something I'm never going to forget. "Whatever B, I recognize that look in your eyes, you remember, so don't try lyin. Anyway, for dinner tonight we have roasted chicken breasts, carrots glazed in a caramel sauce, stuffing with little pieces of turkey, some apple slices, and for dessert." She puts the plate down on the bed in front of us and pulls a large container out of the bag. "Strawberry yogurt." It's a pretty good spread, I gotta admit. "PJ sends his love." So that's where she got it.

"Thank you," I tell her and give her a little kiss on the lips. "For everything, thank you." She says 'no problem B' then sets the bag down on her nightstand and picks up the plate. She reaches behind her and pulls two forks out of the bag and hands one to me. I was wondering why there was so much food on this plate. There's no a lot of variety, but the quantity is pretty large. We're going to be sharing a plate tonight. And everything smells, looks, and tastes great. Maybe we should order food from PJ's more often. He used to cook for his wife when she was pregnant with Ian, and he read a lot of nutrition books and stuff like that so he knows what is healthy for a pregnant woman and what should be avoided at all costs.

"Did you drink that entire glass of water or did you pour it down the sink?" she asks and looks over at my nightstand. Why does she think I'm not going to drink the glass of water? It's not like I hate drinking water. I drink plenty of it everyday. So I just tell her that I drank it all and I eat another carrot. "Good, that's good." Then there's a silence, but it isn't awkward or anything. I like spending quiet time with Faith. When there's no need for words and you just sit together and enjoy each other's presence. It's really nice. But I guess she isn't feeling the same way tonight. "So I was thinkin about some names." Really? So was I. "For a middle name, I think Charles would be good." Jamie Charles Lehane. I love it. I absolutely love it. I just hope she does too.

"What do you think about the first name 'Jamie'?" She says what I expected her to say which is 'isn't that a girl's name'. "Yeah, but it's a boy's name too. It means James in some other language. I can't remember which one. So, what do you think?" She takes another bite of chicken and slowly chews it. She's stalling; I know she's stalling. She only chews this slow when she's trying to avoid talking. Then she swallows the bite and takes in a deep breath and lets it out really slow. "Faith?" She looks over at me and I guess she's decided on what to say.

"It's a nice name, it is, but lets not decide on anything right away alright? I mean, we might hear a name tomorrow that we'll both love equally." Makes sense, but I really don't think I'm going to be changing my mind about this. We finish our dinner without saying another word to each other. It's that comfortable silence thing that I was telling you about. And when we finish all the food on the plate she puts the forks on top of it and puts the plate on the nightstand. Then she reaches into the bag and pulls out a spoon. She opens up the container of yogurt and scoops up a pretty good sized bite and holds it out in front of me. She wants to feed me, this is her trying to be romantic, and I gotta say, it's working pretty well.

It's good bad we can't have sex because if we could she would so be getting some after this is all gone. Hell, I'd probably let her eat some off of me 'cause she likes to do that sometimes. I don't know how I'm going to survive the next three months without being with her. It isn't just the physical release that I'm going to crave but the emotional closeness that I feel whenever we come together. Hopefully I won't go insane. I have no idea how she's going to deal, especially after slaying. She's going to be taking a lot more hot showers, that's for damn sure. But it isn't just about her getting off. She needs to touch me too. If she doesn't get to feel me she can get pretty cranky, and it isn't pretty. I just hope we don't drive the kids insane with our bitchiness. 'Cause if we have to go without sex for three months we're going to through supermodel level hissy fits and no one is going to be safe.


	35. Surviving Bed Rest

**One Week Later.** BPOV

Ok, remember when I said 'Ya know, if I didn't have to do this for a bad reason, I could totally see myself getting used to this bed rest thing'? Well I was so wrong. Bed rest is horrible! I can only get up to use the bathroom and take a bath and I'm completely dependent on everyone else to do almost everything for me. I feel like a fat incompetent cow. Not even that because at least a cow gets to walk out in the pastures and eat the grass. I'm going completely insane!

"So I told him 'I'm pregnant with your children. You did this to me, so the least you can do is get off your lazy ass and fix the damn pipes.' But did he? Noooo, he didn't. I swear he's driving me insane." That very annoying voice in my ear is Dawn. This is her second phone call here today. It's only nine in the morning. "He never pays any attention to my needs, everything is always about him. Like the other night, I wanted to go to sleep because I'm always tired and my back hurts and the doctor freaked me out with his 'premature labor warning signs' at my last appointment, and while I was trying to fall asleep Kyle kept touching me and trying to get me to sleep with him. I realize we haven't had sex in over a month, but I don't want to be touched right now, ya know?"

Here's one thing I learned about being on bed rest: when you're annoying little sister calls to complain about her fiancé you can't say something like 'Sorry, but I have to run to the store, we'll talk about this later ok?' and then hang up and go back to watching T.V. I need to say something that'll gross her out and get her off this subject.

"Yeah, I totally get it. Kind of like a couple weeks ago when I was cooking dinner, I was wearing a dress because it gets really hot here and I didn't feel like wearing pants, and Faith came up behind me and slowly reached up my dress and tried to put an ice cube inside of me." That never happened. Well, at least not last week. We used to have so much fun with ice cubes, then we had a baby and we can't have kinky fun like that anymore.

"Ok, that was way too much information about your sex life. I gotta go get ready for work now. So I'll talk to you later ok?" Oh the joy. But I tell her ok and we exchange 'I love you's' and we hang up. I toss the phone towards the end of the bed and it bounces off the mattress and lands on the floor. Oops. Oh well, it's carpeted so it's fine. I doubt it broke. I talked to my doctor two days ago and she said that I need to go ahead and schedule the cesarean. So as soon as my baby reaches full term he'll be developed enough to take out, so as long as nothing else goes wrong and I don't need an emergency c-section I'll be giving birth to my baby in eleven weeks. So if I don't have to have an emergency c-section my baby will be joining this world on February tenth.

Other then the insanity things have been so bad. I haven't bled anymore, which is great. I don't have any pain or anything except for the normal stuff and my baby is still really active, which is also great. He keeps me up most of the night but luckily I'm on that good ol' bed rest so I get to sleep in all day. And yes that was sarcastic. I know my house is a mess. Faith says she's been cleaning but I know she hasn't. I have two great spies that are very easily bribed. And according to them the dog has completely taken over my spot on the couch. Stupid dog. If he weren't old and in pain because of his joints I'd so have Faith make him stay outside. Well, I shouldn't say that mean stuff about him. He is the only one keeping me company right now.

"You're not a stupid dog, are you?" I ask and give him a little kiss on top of his head. When I pull back he licks me on the face and I try not to gag. Gross, nasty dog breath. I think he should have some mints or something. I would give him the ones I have in my nightstand drawer but mints will make a dog drool all over the place, it's really gross. Faith did it once at the house in Shasta Lake when Tucker was a puppy. His breath smelt so damn bad and she gave him five Altoids and he drooled all over the living room carpet. It was disgusting but really funny at the same time. He scoots down on the bed a little and rests his head on my thighs and lets out a long sigh with a little whine thrown in for good measure. "You and me both buddy," I tell him and pet his really soft fur.

So, this is what my life has become? I used to be something so much more then this. I was the world's greatest slayer. I was world renowned and feared by almost all demons. Fucking Dracula has heard of me! You don't get any better then that. But now I've been reduced to nothing more then a living incubator, lying in bed because I'm too sick to get out of bed, talking to a dog that I've never really liked and Desdemona just cheated on Patrick with Aidan, come on, doesn't she know that Patrick is going to be the one to take care of her when she's sick or when she needs a shoulder to cry on? Aidan is just a tough, really hot, 'I go by my own rules' guy. He's never going to love her as much as Patrick does. OH MY GOD! I can't believe I'm getting this upset over a stupid T.V. show.

The phone starts to ring but I really don't feel like getting up right now. And even if I did get up I'd have to bend over to pick up the stupid phone and my stomach weighs so much that I'd probably fall over and be stuck on the floor like an overweight turtle or something. So, I do the next best thing. "Tucker, get the phone." My voice is very enthusiastic and he looks up at me. "Get the phone, get it, go get it." He slowly gets off the bed and picks up the phone off the floor. "Ok, now bring it to me. Come on Tucker, bring it here." I pat my leg to hopefully get him to come to me but he just wags his tail and then walks out of the room. "Stupid dog!" Oh well, it's probably just Dawn needing to rant some more. Well she can rant to the machine 'cause I'm not getting up just so I can hear her talk about her problems with Kyle. But I'm a little surprised when I hear:

'Buffy, it's Chris. I'm just callin to let you know I'm on my way over. Faith asked me to check up on you so you might wanna hide all the food you're not supposed to be eating and get back in bed if you're up'. Crap. I didn't know people where going to be coming over to check up on me! I grab all the empty candy bar wrappers and stuff them in my nightstand drawer. I've been in bed all day, I'm not going to risk anything happening to my baby, but Faith doesn't want me eating a lot of candy. The doctor said it isn't good for the baby either. Nothing life threatening, but it can cause him to get too big and they'll have some trouble getting him out. But three candy bars isn't going to hurt anything. It's the other seven that I planned on eating that could be troublesome.

I hear a knock on the door and a few seconds later I hear a key being put in the little keyhole thing. Then the door opens and Chris yells out that he's here and he's brought food. Ya know, I really have grown to like Faith's dad. I'm always going to view Giles as my dad, so he has nothing to worry about, but Chris really is a great guy. He loves Faith, he loves my kids, he's more then willing to babysit whenever we need him to, and he brings me lunch. Which is a really good thing because I'm starting to get hungry.

He's been bringing me lunch every day for the last week. Faith makes me breakfast in the morning, she waits until Matthew gets on the bus for school, then she takes to Addison to daycare and then goes to school. Chris brings me lunch in the afternoon and makes sure I'm staying in bed and he helps me up when I need to use the bathroom. He usually sticks around and we talk and watch T.V. and he tells me what Faith was like when she was little. Then Faith comes home usually with dinner from PJ's and sometimes Chris sticks around but he usually leaves. I think I bore him a little too much. Faith moved the little table of Addison's room and into here so the kids can eat in here with us and not get my clean bedroom all messy. I look over at the door and smile when I see Chris.

"Alright, today I got you a turkey sandwich, with tomatoes, lettuce, light mayonnaise, and honey mustard." The sandwiches always come in a plastic container, the bottom is black and the lid is clear. "Some sliced cucumbers with ranch dressing for dipping." Same goes for this only inside the container is a little cup of ranch dressing. Sounds good so far, what else does he have? "And to wash it all down, I got a raspberry smoothie." Yummy. It all sounds very yummy. And I guess the baby thinks so too 'cause he's moving around a little more now.

"Thank you, it sounds great." He hands me the container with the sandwich and I open it up. Then he pulls something else out of the bag and it smell so much better then what I'm eating. He gets stuff for himself too. "What's that?" It's ok with me and I haven't wanted anything that he's gotten. Usually it's chilidogs and stuff like that. I've never really liked chilidogs and I'll only eat them on the fourth of July, it's like the law or something. But today…oh today he's eating one of my favorites. I already know what it is. I don't know why I bothered asking.

"Double cheeseburger with extra ketchup, mustard and pickles." Uhhh…is it possible to have an orgasm by just hearing someone describe some food? 'Cause I really think I need to change these pajama bottoms. I give him the biggest pout I've ever given. He looks at me for a few seconds and lets out a big sigh. He scratches the back of his head and looks down at his food. He got fries too, they're still in the bag but I can smell them from here.

"Alright, you can have one bite, but Faith better not find out about it or she'll whop my ass all the way back to Boston, you got that?" he asks and I nod my head and sit up a little straighter on the bed. He hands me the burger, it's still in the wrapper. I quickly unwrap part of it and a take a big bite. I let out a long and low moan as the tastes fills almost all of my senses. I haven't had something so good in so long. The last time I had something that good was when we had Lee's Chinese Palace when Addison got out of the hospital. I hand him back the burger and he sits down on the bed and turns his attention to the T.V. We both watch it as we eat. "What'd I miss?" He asks and stuffs some fries in his mouth. I dip a cucumber slice in the ranch and take a bite.

"Desdemona cheated on Patrick with Aidan," I tell him and he lets out a little gasp and asks when. "About ten minutes ago, on the desk at her office." We go quiet as we watch the melodramatic actors argue over a business arrangement. See Neal and Harris went into business together right after they graduated college, but then Harris' girlfriend left him for Neal and now Harris wants out of the business but they already signed a contract so if Harris backs out now Neal can sue for thousands, maybe even millions of dollars. It's all very dramatic.

"Did Erica wake up from her coma yet?" he asks around a big bite of the burger. I shake my head no.

"Not yet. But Sunny came back to visit her." Sunny is Erica's son and after he left Connecticut to become a big Hollywood actor she slipped into depression. Her ex-husband tried to get her to leave the house and they got into a huge fight and she ended up fall out the window, but the camera angle switched to the outside of the building so we don't know if he pushed her or if it was an accident. The ex-husband left town to handle some business in New York, and Erica has been in a coma for three weeks and she's the only person who can tell what happened because Timothy, the ex-husband, isn't going to. At least I don't think so. Wow, my life really has become pathetic, hasn't it?

FPOV

"Faith, will you scratch a little lower?" B asks and leans forward a little so I can reach lower. She's taking a bath right now and I'm washing her back. We have candles lit and it's a very romantic setting so it doesn't seem like a geriatric type of situation even though it sort of is. This isn't gonna lead to sex or anything remotely close to it, it's for bathing purposes only. But it's fine. My baby needs help and I'm going to help her every step of the way. I've been very helpful so far and I haven't complained much. It is a little tough because I'm not used to handling everything on my own. It's an adjustment but I'm starting to get used to it.

The kids have been helping out a lot too. Not with the bathing, but they help me make breakfast and dinner, and do the laundry, and clean the house, and the keep Buffy company while I do my homework. I make sure they get out and run around first and burn off some of their energy before they go in and see her. That way they're not restless and they'll spend more time with her. It took us a couple days to figure that one out. B got upset and thought that they just didn't want to spend any time with her but they just needed to get out and run around for a while. So everyday I set aside the chores and shit and play football with 'em. Addy's getting into it a little more after I told Mattie to start encouraging her to try it. She's such a little kiss ass when it comes to him.

"Right there baby?" I ask and gently scratch her back. At first I was usin the loofah but she wanted it to wash her frontal area, so I used the washcloth but she said she didn't like that so I used my hands and my fingernail accidentally scraped against her but she liked it and now I'm gently scratching her back for her 'cause she has a hard time reaching. She's always waddling a lot now and it's fuckin cute to see. She gets pissed though when she walks to the bathroom and I'll be smilin a big grin 'cause she's just so fuckin cute. She thinks she isn't attractive anymore, but to me she's gorgeous. And I did I mention cute?

She's been on bed rest for a month now and it sucks big time. I miss doing things with her on the weekends or just sitting on the couch together while we watch T.V. I got a smaller T.V. and DVD player and put it in the bedroom but it's not the same. And the kids really miss spending time with her too. She's been a little more depressed then normal lately 'cause Christmas is in two days. The scooby gang is going to stop by to see her but she doesn't want them here for very long. She doesn't want them seeing her like this. The only one who doesn't know how serious the complication is, is Dawn. Since she's pregnant with twins we thought it would be better not to tell her how bad it is 'cause she could get too worried and go into premature labor.

"Yeah, right there. God, that feels so good." She moans a little and tries to press herself against my hand so I'll scratch harder. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. But I'll keep at it 'cause if I stop now she'll get upset. She's been crying a lot, way more then normal, but it's just because of the bed and pelvic rest. We're both going a little insane because of the last one. A couple days ago I came home from slaying and I was really worked up 'cause of this badass demon that took me almost an hour to kill. And I came home hornier then a dog in heat and I took an hour-long shower to try and work off the tension but it just wasn't workin, even with the detachable showerhead.

So I went to bed, still pretty horny and wet and B could smell it and she said 'I know we're married, and I know you'd never do it, but if you really need to you can pick someone up in a bar or something and go back to their place for the night'. It almost broke my heart to hear her say that. And no I didn't take her up on her offer, didn't even think about it. I told her I'd never ever do that, even with her 'permission' because I love her and she's the one I wanna be with and she almost started crying.

"Baby, we should stop," I tell her gently and she nods her head but she doesn't stop trying to press against my hand. So I take my hand off her back and she starts to cry. Great, this is just perfect, and I'm being sarcastic. "Baby, don't cry, please." I scoot a little closer to her and wrap my arms around her wet body. God she feels so damn good right now. Her skin is so warm and slick and I just wanna run my tongue all over it. I wanna kiss her from head to toe and then from her toes up to her pussy and put my tongue up inside her as far as I can and wiggle the tip of it 'cause I know she likes that. This pelvic rest sucks, and I hate that I can't take a bath with her.

I've always loved takin baths with B, but we haven't taken one together in a while. Last time we took a bath together was two weeks ago and we almost ended up having sex. So even though it sucks it's better this way 'cause our self-control isn't so good right now. Faster then I can react she turns her head to the side and kisses me deeply. I kiss her back for a few minutes, until I feel her hand at the hem of my shirt. I pull back and we're both panting roughly. "Baby, you know we can't, it could hurt him." I reach down and gently press on her stomach.

"I know," she says between a sob. "But I need you so much…I don't know…how much longer…I can last." She keeps crying and I keep trying to comfort her. She knows how bad this is for me too and it's making it so much worst for her because she wants to give me some release, but she can't. If she were to do something like that it would lead to more and both her and the baby could suffer because of it. We've done good so far. But it's gotten to a point where she won't let me touch her at night in bed and I'm too used to falling asleep with her in my arms that I haven't been sleeping very good.

"Shh baby. Shh, it's ok B. We're gonna make it through this, I promise. I promise Buffy." She calms down after a little while and I help her out of the tub. I help her dry off and change into some pajamas. They're light blue with little birthday cakes all over 'em. I bought 'em for her 'cause I know she likes pajamas like these ones, ya know, the ones that you look at and say 'what is she, five?' I also had some that are yellow with little teddy bears, and some that are purple with little puppies. When I showed 'em to her it brightened her day 'cause she was feelin a little depressed. Now there's nothing I can do to make her happy. I don't think she's going to happy again until we bring our little baby home and everything starts to get back to normal. Well, not normal, but we get into a schedule that is more then just her lyin in bed.

"Mama," I hear Addy at the bedroom door just as I pull my shirt over my head. She doesn't knock on the door, we're trying to teach her to start doin that. I think the only way she's gonna learn is if we start lockin it all the time. "Mama, I can't get ta sleep." I put them to bed an hour ago. She's been really worried about B and the baby. I guess we sort of screwed up a little. Last week when I was waitin in line at the grocery store they had these parenting books and I was flippin through one and it said if the mother has to go on bed rest and she's pregnant not to tell the kids that mommy's sick, but instead tell them that 'she needs to stay in bed so the baby will be healthy when it's born'. So yeah, we messed up, but we're human, we screw up sometimes.

"Well come here, baby," B says and holds her arms out towards Addy. She walks in the room and closes the door. She crawls up on the bed and gets as close to B as she can. I think the only time B sort of forgets about the complication and about the bed and pelvic rest is when she's with the kids. She likes spending time with them, especially now that she's sort of cut off from the rest of the world. They color a lot together and do other kinds of arts and crafts, and they watch T.V. and Mattie is tryin to teach B how to play the playstation 'cause she's not so good at video games and it's funny watching her try. She gets a little frustrated but she stays pretty calm.

"You can sleep in here tonight if you want," B says and Addy nods her head yes. I try really hard not to roll my eyes. She's been babying them so much. This is the fourth time in the last two weeks that Addy's slept in here. I wanna give B whatever she wants, as long as it's safe for her and the baby, but if she keeps letting Addy stay in here it's just gonna make her jealous when the baby comes and she can't sleep in here anymore. I wanna say somethin but I know it'll just make B pissed again. That's another thing that she gets a lot. It isn't just sadness and lots of crying. She gets really pissed really easy and if I try to make Addy go back into her own room then it'll just start a fight between me and B. And I really don't feel like fighting tonight.

"Mama, hurry up," Addy whines and cuddles into B. She's a lot like B, as in she likes that sandwiched feeling. She likes being in between us with both of us pressed up against her. I guess it makes her feel secure since there's a lot of stress goin on right now. Like I said earlier I'm trying my best to do almost everything by myself but sometimes it all gets to be a little too much and I can get a little bitchy at them. That's when they back off and go outside and play. Mattie's friends haven't been comin over like they used to do all the time. I put a stop to that 'cause they were startin to drive me a little crazy. So when Mattie gets home from school at three he plays with his friends then he comes home for dinner and after dinner we go outside and play so they're both nice and calm for when they have their bonding time with B. Then I catch up on my homework and do the dishes.

My dad has been helping out so much. He picks Addy up from daycare and takes care of her until I get home from school. Addy only agreed to go to daycare if she could be home a few minutes before Mattie and since me and Mattie get out of school at the same time there's no way I'd be able to pick her up and get her home before he gets here. So my dad will bring B her lunch and hang out with her for a while, then go pick up Addy and bring her home and he'll stick around for a little bit after I get back but he usually leaves about half an hour after. He's been talking to Giles a lot on the phone, trying to come up with some type of training program for the kids. It has to be approved by both me and B but I know they won't put them through too much.

Anyway, I slip a pair of panties and crawl under the covers. I lean over her and give B a kiss on the lips and then Addy a little kiss on the forehead and I rest my head on my pillow. B reaches over and turns out her table lamp and the room goes dark. Addy grabs onto my arm and wraps it around her and she snuggles up to Buffy. I look over at B. She looks a little worried. I wonder what she's thinking about. She doesn't like to talk about the things that worry her. I think she thinks I'll get upset or something. I have a feeling that she's thinking about the operation, the c-section that she has to have. She probably thinks something's gonna go wrong. It's a possibility but we switched back to Dr. Montgomery since she's done so many of these procedures it's like second nature to her or somethin.

"Baby, please stop worrying. I know you're scared and I'm a little scared too, but if you worry it's just gonna upset the baby." B told me that he gets really active when she gets upset. He kicks at her kidneys really hard until she forces herself to calm down. So now I know when I see her wince a little and grab at her lower back she's stressin about something and I try to get her to talk but she usually doesn't. I scoot up higher on the bed and lean over Addy a little bit but I'm not squishing her or anything. I look into B's eyes and slowly kiss her. I swirl my tongue around hers before I take it into my mouth and gently suck on the tip. The only sounds in the room are the heavy breathing through our noses and the light smacking sound of our kissing.

"Mama that's yucky, wait 'til I'm sleepin," Addy says and lightly kicks me in the stomach with the heel of her foot. Little shit, I hate it when she does that. Sometimes when she sleeps in here she only wants B. She'll snuggle up to Buffy but then put her legs out horizontal on the bed so I'm at the very edge of it and far away from her and my wife. It gets frustrating but I can't say anything about it or B'll get upset and that's the last thing I want 'cause she could go into premature labor something. So for now I'll ignore it but as soon as we bring that baby home Addy's sleepin in her own bed, that's for damn sure.

BPOV

That's right, it's Christmas, the most depressing day of the year right now. It wouldn't be so bad if I could get outta bed. It's four in the morning so everyone is still asleep. Well, except for me and the baby. He's moving around a little bit. I can feel him stretching out and he's probably yawning. If he can yawn, I'm not sure. I'm thirty weeks pregnant now, and according to the book that Faith bought me my baby might have hair now. If he is going to get hair. Addison was completely bald and she didn't start to grow any until she was six months old. We had to make sure to dress her in a pinks and yellows or people thought she was a boy.

I'm going in for my ultrasound in two weeks. The doctor said that there's a very small chance the placenta has moved and I'm not really letting myself hope that it has. When a doctor says something has a very small chance of happening they usually mean it. A c-section is fine with me. In the book that Faith bought it says that after a cesarean some women feel like they've failed as a woman because they couldn't deliver their baby naturally, but I know I'm not going to feel like that. At least I don't think. I'll most likely feel relieved that my baby is ok. Cesareans aren't as bad as some people say they are, and if it weren't for this operation both me and my baby would mostly likely die, so I'm just grateful there's something the doctors can do about this complication.

My stomach has gotten so big the last couple of weeks. I can't even see my fat, swollen ankles, which is probably for the best. But this is just normal. The second baby is usually bigger because the uterus has already been stretched once before, at least that's what the book said. Addy loves that my stomach is this big. She can wrap her arms around it and gently hug it and she'll kiss the skin right above my bellybutton. The baby can hear things from outside the whom so I want everyone to talk to him so he'll recognize their voices. At least I think he will. I hope he does.

I just hope Addison doesn't get too jealous. She was a little pissed off at Faith yesterday and they got into a fight. Addison has slept in our room like five or six times in the last couple of weeks. I think it's because she's worried about me and she wants to be close to me, but who knows? And she always sleeps in between Faith and me and Faith always gets pushed away a little. So yesterday Faith talked to me about it and said that we should make Addison stay in her room because not only is it not fair for Faith, but when the baby comes Addison might get jealous because she's not going to be able to sleep in here anymore.

So I had a little talk with my girl and explained that she has to start sleeping in her bed like a big girl. She said ok but that night she came in with her pillow and wanted to crawl up on the bed and Faith took her back into her bedroom and three minutes later Addison was back. So Faith picked her up and took her back in there and then Addison started screaming and saying that Faith just wants me all to herself and it isn't fair because I'm Addison's mommy and mommies are supposed to cuddle with their babies. It was so hard hearing her scream like that and not being able to do something about it. Faith handled it as well as she could and Matthew ended up calming Addison down and sitting with her until she fell asleep, but it was so hard listening to that fight.

I'm just so glad that I bought Faith's Christmas present back in September. We agreed that since we don't want to spend a lot of Giles' money this year we'll only buy each other one expensive gift and the rest of the money will go towards the kids. I bought her a beautiful silver crucifix necklace with diamonds on each end, with a silver chain. She's going to love it. She has a thing for crucifix necklaces. I have no idea what she bought me but I know it's kind of big, at least it was in a kind of big box.

I got Willow an ice cream maker because she said she wanted one. And I got Xander a very cool toolbox. It's shiny and red and it has like fifteen differ layers on the inside so he can pack a massive amount of tools in very little space. For Giles I hunted down a couple original volumes of some books he had back in Sunnydale that he valued a lot. They weren't magical texts or anything, just some books he had since he was a kid. You have no idea how long it took me to find those. I look everywhere and eventually found some on E-bay. They were the most expensive out of everything else combined.

Dawn I got a new leather jacket and matching boots. I got Kyle some really fancy looking hoof clippers. Right, something I forgot to mention about Kyle that I probably should have said from the very beginning. And don't get all judgmental, it has nothing to do with the reason why I don't like him. I've already said that I wouldn't get along with anyone sleeping with my sister, no matter what their age, race, gender or species. Ok, do you remember Xander's wedding to Anya, and that guy she was talking to when Xander took off and I was trying to keep everyone entertained, and the guy is really a demon? Well, that's Kyle. His hands are kind of normal, except for the skin, but on the ends of his feet is one large toenail that's more like a horse's hoof.

Over the years he's trimmed off the horns and kept them down, only because he wanted to, Dawn in no way pushed for that. She wants him to be himself around her and she isn't afraid to let everyone know that she's dating a demon. I can't remember the name of whatever demon he is, but he's not evil, just one of the harmless ones. Like Clem. Come one, how cute was Clem? Everybody loved Clem. I think Faith would have really liked him if she ever met him. He is such a funny guy. Sweet personality too. I know I sound like I'm crushing on him but I'm not. I just think he's a nice guy. I wonder where he is? I haven't seen him since he left Sunnydale.

"G' morning baby. How long have you been awake?" I hear Faith ask over a yawn. I look over at my nightstand. Holy shit it's six o' clock! I've been zoning out for a long time now. I tell her since four and she gets a little frown on her face. The doctor said that I should use the bathroom right when I wake up even if I don't feel like I have to go. And I've been awake for two hours and I haven't left the bed. It just slipped my mind. So Faith gets up and helps me out of the bed and I go do my business and check to make sure there's no blood, and there isn't. Yay for me. Then she watches me waddle back into bed. I hate that she thinks it's cute. I smile when I hear the sounds of two little kids running wildly down the hall. Then the bedroom door is thrown open and they both run in.

"It's Christmas, it's Christmas!" Addison screams at the top of her lungs and jumps on the bed. Matthew jumps on it two and they both stand up on their feet and jump up and down. They're trying to get Faith out of bed so she'll make breakfast because it's a rule that they're not allowed to open presents until they've had breakfast. To tide them over until everyone gets here we're going to let them open three presents and Faith gets to pick which ones they get to open because she knows what each one is and she only wants them opening up little things. Then Addison lands on her knees and crawls up to me and pulls down the covers and lifts up my shirt. Fuck, it's cold in here.

"It's Christmas little brother, but you don't get any presents 'cause you're still in Mommy's belly." I can't help but roll my eyes. He is getting some presents actually. Faith moved the computer in here last week so I could browse some web sites and I picked out everything I want for him. So I got a lot of dark green stuff. The basinet, the blankets, the diaper bag, the changing table she repainted herself. I got a dark green car seat and stroller, and some dark green teddy bears and the material is almost as soft as velvet. I have one with me right now that I've been cuddling up to during the day. I also bought a mass amount of diapers, wipes, onesies, and bottles since I only plan on breast feeding until the colostrum is all eaten up. We can't buy the formula now because by the time the baby gets here it'll be expired.

"He got some stuff too Addison, remember? Remember how you helped Mama set up the babies bed?" I ask and look over at the basinet. We want both of the kids to be as involved as possible because it'll help them adjust. Matthew adjusted pretty well, considering for six years he was an only child but Addison is the one I'm worried about. She is usually pretty independent. She likes to play by herself or with Matthew and most of the time she just ignores me and Faith. But there are times when she wants attention and if she doesn't get it right away or for as long as she wanted she can turn into a hell spawn. And I know what hell spawn acts like.

"I know Mommy, but he can't use it until he's born so those are really birthday presents." Hmm, I never thought about it like that before. I guess she's right, they are birthday presents. "Mama I'm hungry," she says and kisses my stomach again. I feel the baby move around a little bit. He's going to be attached to her when he's old enough. He's always more active whenever Addison talks, it's really neat. I encourage Matthew to talk to my stomach but he said he feels dumb. I don't know why, he used to talk to Faith's stomach all the time when she was pregnant with Addison. It's probably just the age difference. He was only five when she was conceived, but his birthday was four months before she was born.

"Alright, lets go make breakfast and then you can open a couple of your presents," Faith says. She gives me a big kiss on the lips and the kids act like they're grossed out and then they leave to go fix breakfast. I'm not as depressed as I thought I was going to be. For the last couple of days I've been crying almost non-stop. Thinking about Christmas and how I was going to miss it because I have to be stuck in bed. But my doctor said I don't have to be lying down all the time, and I don't have to support my back when I sit up so I can sit anywhere on the bed, and this is a pretty big bed. And yesterday Faith bought a pretty small tree and put it in the corner of the room and then Matthew and Addison helped her move all the presents under it. The ones that took up too much space are being kept in the garage and Faith's going to bring those in later on. I couldn't go to Christmas so they brought it to me. I really do have a wonderful family.

"Ok, here ya go B," Faith says as she walks into the room with a big tray full of food. It's not just for me, we usually share breakfast. I don't know why, we just do. And we always have some healthy food that's good for me and the baby and it usually doesn't taste very good but she eats it anyway because she knows how badly I want to sink my teeth into a fat, greasy, artery clogging cheeseburger and then wash it down with an extra large cherry coke. She's eating healthy because I have to eat healthy and it's making me love her just a little more. But this morning she's letting it slide. Bacon, toast with butter and jelly, fried eggs over easy because I like to dip my toast in the yoke, hash browns and a small bowl of fresh fruit.

"Thank you baby," I tell her and give her a kiss on the lips. Then she leaves the room and helps Addison carry her plate in. We moved the little table to the other end of the room since the basinet is a little bigger then I thought it was going to be. But they're still pretty close to the bed and we can still see each other so it's just as good as sitting down at the kitchen table. We tried letting them have their own little food trays up on the bed up Addison accidentally knocked over her glass of orange juice the first day so I put an end to that.

But this is nice. We're in the same room together, having a great meal, and it's Christmas. We have a lot to be joyous about. I know this complication is bad and very serious but it could be a lot worst. I'm just grateful we're all together and all my friends are and family are coming over today. Not like that one Christmas a few years ago when Addison was a little baby and Faith crashed on her motorcycle. That was a very depressing day. So for today I'll let myself be happy even if the glass is only half full.

FPOV

So Christmas turned out great. B got me the most beautiful cross necklace in the whole world. I don't know what it is about 'em but I love 'em. I have tons of cross necklaces and she always buys me the prettiest ones. And the chain is just the right length the really bring out my cleavage. And I got B a brand new laptop computer. I had Willow pick it out since she's the brainy one. It also has a wireless internet thing so B doesn't have to get out of bed to hook up the computer to a phone line or nothin. And she's always wanted one but we never needed one before since we have the desktop. And Red even got a pink one so it's nice and girly, B really liked that about it.

The kids got all sorts of toys, Dawn got 'em clothes like always, and Red got 'em more educational toys, and some books and stuff. She bought Addy some books about becoming a big sister and what it's going to be like having a little baby in the house, only it's in cartoon form. She also got some photo albums for both Mattie and Addy so they can put their favorite pictures in 'em. I thought that was sweet. Xander got them some toys, Addy some stuffed animals and Mattie a new baseball bat and ball. Money's kinda tight right now for him so he couldn't get 'em much but it's the thought that counts right?

I got Mattie this really cool, very expensive jungle gym for the backyard. Addy can play on it too, but it's mostly for Mattie. I also got him some more of those army guys that he likes so much, a new toy chest, and a new bike. We decided to get them more expensive things this year so they didn't get as many toys, but the quality is really good. Addy got a lot of new furniture for her dollhouse. She also got a few new dolls and clothes for the dolls. I got her a tricycle, and a baby doll. It's very realistic, not that it moves or anything, but it looks real, and it's made with some special material so it's soft, like a real baby and it's about the average size of a newborn. We're going to use it to teach her how to hold a baby and how to be gentle.

My dad got Mattie his very own tool kit because my dad bought a new car when he first moved here last month and he wants Mattie to help him fix it up. He bought Addy this really cool power wheels car. It's a convertible pink Mustang and if it were real I'd so steal it from her and paint it black and deck out the interior with white leather and drive around with the top dropped everywhere I go. But alas, it's just a toy. She really likes it though because we got Mattie a power wheels when he was younger and he still uses his sometimes. His legs are a little long for it so that's why it's only an occasional thing.

I had no idea what to get my dad. Even though he's back in my life I don't know him very well so I didn't know what to get. So I got him a black leather lazy boy recliner for his living room. It has a built in massage thing, the right arm of it lifts up and there's a cooler inside, and the left arm has a cup holder. I almost bought one for myself until B told me no. And it's a damn shame too. We could have had so much fun with the built in massage thing. I also bought something for us when she has the baby and she's all better again. I figured I'd widen our horizons a little and bought a bigger fake cock and a vibrator. She's gonna love it when I surprise her with that one. But we have to wait until February to play with those.

But enough about that stuff. Christmas is over, which means Christmas break is over, which means I'm back in school and so is Mattie, but not today. Well, at least not for me. I took today off because it's B's follow up appointment at the hospital. We're waiting out in the lobby for Dr. Montgomery to finish doing...whatever the fuck she's doing. We've been here for almost half an hour. B's resting her head on my shoulder and she's fallin asleep. I'm not gonna stop her 'cause she didn't get much sleep last night. Neither did but she's pregnant so she gets tired a lot easier then I do.

We were up so late 'cause Addy had a really bad nightmare and she was up cryin for almost two hours and then she was up just starin at the ceiling for almost an hour before she finally fell asleep. And you can't just fall asleep when you're kid's still awake 'cause of a nightmare, it's just not right. She said that in her dream some people broke into the house and one of 'em had a gun. She said she heard it go off but she didn't see who was shot. It's not a slayer dream, when one of us has a slayer dream we all have a slayer dream. Sometimes me and B will share a dream but that hasn't happened in years. Addy probably got the home invasion and someone gettin shot from a movie that I watched. She saw a little bit of it even though she was supposed to be in her room.

"Hi, Buffy, Faith. Sorry I'm late, but by pervious appointment ran a little late," Dr. Montgomery says when she walks in the room. She has B's file in one hand and she shakes our hands with the other. Once the greetings are over with she gets right down to business. "Why don't you go ahead and sit down on in the chair." I help B get into the chair and she pulls up her shirt. The doctor puts on some gloves and squirts out some jelly onto Buffy's stomach and B shivers a little bit. I gently run my hand up and down her arm and she stops squirming. Then the doctor flips on the machine and puts the probey thing to B's stomach. We're all quiet until the image appears.

"Ah, look Faith, he's yawing," B says and she sounds really excited. And sure enough our little boy is yawing a really big yawn and stretching is little arms above his head. Then the doctor moves the probe a little lower and we can't see him as good anymore. But the doctor finds what she was looking for and shuts off the machine. She sets the probe down and she doesn't look like she's gonna tell us anything good. I fuckin hate this. My wife and our baby could die and there's nothing I can do to stop it. No demon to kill, no vampire to slay, no spell to cast.

Not even Red will mess around with this. I talked to her about it as soon as we found out. I just didn't want B to find out about it. But Red said it's way to dangerous to mess around with something like that because the baby is still developing and even if she uses her magic in the safest way possible he could still come out deformed or something. So there's nothing I can do to fix this. And there's a choice that I might have to make and if it comes down to it I don't have a fuckin clue what to decide.

"The placenta has moved a little but it's still covering your cervix. The chances of it moving at all were slim to none. So you're going to need a cesarean." I hold onto B's hand 'cause I know she's gonna be upset. Or at least I thought so. But she's not. She smiles at the doctor and says that a cesarean is alright, as long as the baby is healthy that's all that matters. And I get a chill down my spine. I don't want to explain it because if I allow myself to think it I won't able to handle it and I'll have to leave the room and Buffy will be concerned and she doesn't need the added stress right now.

"Since you've had no bleeding or cramping I'll take you off of permanent bed rest. You can be up for fifteen minutes at a time but no longer then that, ok?" B agrees and then rubs her belly and smiles. I guess the baby is kicking. She grabs onto my hand and places it over the spot and I feel him moving too. He doesn't move around a while lot, at least not unless Addy is in the room and talkin a lot. Other then that he's calm.

"But I'm still on pelvic rest, right?" B asks and the doctor says yes and warns us again about all the horrors that can happen if we have sex. So we're not going to have sex until a couple weeks after February tenth. She has to recover from the surgery and be a hundred percent better before I'll give in. I don't want to risk hurting her. And if I know B as well as I think I do, and I do, then she's gonna say she's feeling better then she really is just to get some touch. But I'm not that easy.

"Now the cesarean is going to take a while. We're going to put an epidural in your back so numb you. You'll be awake during the operation but a sheet will be placed across your rips so you won't see any of it. After the incision is made a nurse can lower the sheet if you like so you can see your baby being lifted out of you." I feel a little ill. I really don't want to hear this. "After your baby is taken out we'll remove the placenta, if it's too deep and we can't get to it we'll have to do a hysterectomy or else you'll bleed to death, you'll also be given a blood transfusion." B nods her head yes and rubs her stomach a little more.

"But if everything goes fine then the longest part is sewing you back up. We have to sew each layer back together and it can take up to half an hour. But Faith can hold your baby next to you so you can see him and talk to him if you like. You won't be able to hold him until you're in recovery." B looks a little disappointed but she gets over it. I rub her stomach a little bit too and gently pull my hand away. Gross, it has jelly all over it. "You'll have to stay in the hospital for five days so we can monitor your recover and if everything goes well both you and your baby can go home. You'll be prescribed some pain killers but it'll be safe to breast feed if you plan on doing that." B nods her head yes. Then the doctor takes a little business card lookin thing out of her jacket pocket and hands it to Buffy.

"That's my cell phone, pager and home phone number. Please feel free to call if you have any questions and if you have any cramping or bleeding come in right away, alright?" We both nod our heads and we say our goodbyes and after B gets herself cleaned up we leave. Well the surgery sounds gross but at least they'll be a certain. I don't think I'd be able to last long seein B's insides. It'd be way too weird. I'd probably get sick. But at least I'll be able to hold the baby and keep B occupied with him until they're done sewing her up. Knowing her she'd probably get bored and start talking to the nurses, distracting them from doin their jobs or something.

I can't help but feel really excited as we leave the hospital and B is feeling it too. Just five more weeks. Five weeks and our baby is joining the world. We'll get to see him and hold him and talk to him and name him and take him home. He's gonna be loved by everyone and he's gonna be spoiled rotten. My dad already said he'd come over and help take care of everything. But I know deep down he just wants to see his grandson. Everyone is going to be showing up in a couple of weeks. All the scoobies, Kyle, Katie and some of the L.A. gang. They all can't wait to meet him. Even Angel is excited even if he's too manly to admit it. But the big guy is a softy. We're going to take all the help we can get and I know we're going to get plenty of offers. Until he starts sleeping through the night we're going to need help, especially with B recovering from a major surgery and the kids adjusting to a baby. But I'm going to love every second of it.


	36. Time Alone

**One Month Later. **FPOV

"Ask me if I give a shit!" Yeah, that's Dawn, yelling at Kyle. Those two got here yesterday, the rest of the scoobies are coming tomorrow. This is the sixth fight today between those two. If Dawn weren't pregnant with twins I'd ask 'em to go stay at a hotel or something but I can't because Buffy said it's really important that she have family with her right now and I really don't want to piss Buffy off. She's irritable because her due date is so close yet so far. One more week and the doctor's are gonna take that baby out of her but a weeks seems like a fuckin eternity.

"Don't tell me to keep my fucking voice down. You're the reason I'm yelling in the first place. If you would just get off your lazy ass for once and help me out then maybe I wouldn't have to be such a bitch! But that seems to be the only way to get you to do anything for someone other then yourself!" She's over exaggerating and she's not givin him the credit he deserves. Ever since they got here he's done nothing but wait on her and she's not very grateful about it and she seems to forget about all of it because she keeps telling him that he's not helpin her out when really that's all he's done. It's kind of sad actually.

Luckily the kids aren't here to listen to this. It's Saturday and I asked my dad if he would watch 'em for the day so I can get the rest of the housework done. Now that B can get up for fifteen minutes at a time she's been goin into more rooms then just the bathroom, which means I gotta start doin more then just light vacuuming and spot dusting. The kitchen floor hasn't been moped in so long there're spots all over it where food has been dropped but never really cleaned up and all of the counters are sticky. I don't know how they're sticky but they are. It's kinda like with little kids and them always havin jam hands. Even when there's no jam in the house, they have jam hands.

"What are they yelling about now?" Buffy asks when she walks into the kitchen. Well, I should say waddle 'cause that's what she's doing. With one hand on her lower back 'cause she's been having a lot of back pain. But that's just normal pregnancy stuff. She's been having a hard time sleepin too. She can't get comfortable. She sleeps on her side with a couple pillows between her legs for the support or whatever but she still has a hard time getting to sleep. A couple times she tried drinking warm milk but by the time she was getting drowsy she had to pee.

"I don't know. She's bein bitchier then she was yesterday." B glares at me, and waddles over to the fridge. She's had this weird craving for apple juice. Yeah I know about the pregnancy cravings, I had tons when I was pregnant with Addy but B doesn't even like apple juice. And she gets pissed off so much easier then before.

Ever since her birthday and Addy called her old she gets so bitchy so fast a person can get whiplash if they're in the room when the change happens. Ha, I am still one silly bitch. But yeah, we had our birthdays already. It is February now, so we're both a year older and still lookin fuckin hot. But she's pissed because I'm younger then she is. She's just insane 'cause of the pregnancy, I'm sure once the doctors take the baby outta her she'll be sane again. Hopefully.

"Could you please not talk about my little sister like that? I'd really appreciate it." Sir, yes, sir. Could she be anymore commanding? Ok, sometimes it's fun when I'm lyin on the bed and she's straddlin my face and holdin onto the headboard and lookin down at me, her eyes are dark 'cause she's so fuckin turned on, and she's dripping wet just waiting for me to touch her. And when I tease a little or hesitate just to see what she'll do she gets a little frustrated and she'll lower herself onto my face and she'll say 'stop playing around Faith. Just fuck me with that dirty mouth of yours'. Great, now I'm all worked up. Guess it's time to hit the bathroom.

"I'm sorry baby," I tell her and rest my chin on her shoulder. At least she isn't tryin to shrug me off. "I'm just getting tired of hearin them fight. And Kyle does a lot for her, ya know? It's just irritating listening to her call him a lazy ass when he's not." She sighs and starts to chug down the apple juice right outta the plastic jug. I can't help but feel kinda proud. All these years of livin with me have affected her. I'm not the only one who's changed. I give her a little kiss on the neck and I feel her shiver. "Gotta pee, and you need to get back in bed. It's been more then fifteen minutes." She rolls her eyes, I can't see it but I know she did.

I step back and give her a little smack on the butt and run from the room. As I walk down the hall I hear her yell after me and she doesn't sound too happy. I know I shouldn't mess with her right now, there'll be plenty of time for that after she's recovered from the surgery but still. It's been like two and half months since I've felt her touch and I'm getting a little frisky. I've been tryin my best to deal with this but it's just so damn hard. I feel like I'm gonna explode and not in a good way. Speaking of exploding I need to take care of these hornies right now or somethin bad is gonna happen.

So I go into the bathroom and flip on the light. The lock doesn't work anymore 'cause last week Addy locked herself in here and wasn't gonna come out because we got into a fight and she's a drama queen. I guess she keeps forgetting that I'm a slayer too and have slayer strength. So I twisted the knob until the lock broke and sent her to her room. But that's so off topic. I close the door and open up the cabinet under the sink. I made a little hidey hold just like in the closet of our old house in Shasta Lake. Remember, where I hid Buffy's engagement ring? Anyway, I move aside the boxes of tampons and Addy's bath toys and lift up the little section of wood I cut out a couple weeks ago. Cut just the right length and width to hide, oh let's say, a magazine.

I don't really need to look at it to get off but it helps speed up the process. I just imagine that it's Buffy in most of the poses, there are three that I wouldn't want to see her do and two girls that are really fuckin fine and no matter how hard I try I just can't replace their image in my mind. But enough about them. I unbuckle my belt, pull down my pants and panties, and sit down on the toilet. I know this is beyond pathetic, but I can't take a shower or B will get pissed 'cause I've already taken one today. For hygienic purposes only, jeez I'm not that bad.

I flip through the magazine to my favorite picture. It's a pose that I really wanna see B do in real life. The girl in the picture looks a little like B so imaging it's her isn't too hard. The girl is lyin on her back, her legs spread wide and she's reaching down with one hand and holding herself open, like she's trying to invite me in or something. I hold the magazine with one hand and start to rub my hard clit with the other.

God, this feels good but I can't wait until it's Buffy's hand touching me, running her fingers through my wetness and lightly pinching my throbbing clit. I close my eyes and let the magazine fall to the floor as my hand speeds up. I'm so fuckin close, I can feel it in my stomach, a slow burning that wants out so bad. I just need something a little more to push me over the edge. I imagine that I'm doin this to B. That I'm fuckin her clit so fast my hand is nothing but a blur, and I can hear her callin out my name over and over again. And it sounds so real, like she's here in the room or somethin.

"Faith…Faith…Faith…Faith!" Uhhhhhhhhh…oohhhhhhhh…uhhhh…aahhhh. Now I feel much better. Wait…what the hell? "Faith, what are you doing in there?" Oh my God, B's really on the other side of the door and she was callin out my name. Fuck. And why the hell did she ask me what I'm doing in here? It's a bathroom, what the fuck does she think I'm doing, baking cookies? FUCK! She's opening the door. "Faith you've been in here for twenty- what the fuck?" Ok so I didn't think she was going to react that badly. I mean, she knows I get myself off. She just didn't know that sometimes I look at a porno-mag before I do.

I jump to my feet and pull my pants back up. She looks so pissed I think she might have a stroke or something. And even though I shouldn't, I can't help but get a little mad. What the fuck gives her the right to get so pissed? She came in here without even giving me enough time to tell her 'hang on a sec' so I can stash the porn. And now she's getting pissed because I needed some release and looked at some pictures to help get me off? Just remember Faith, she's irrational right now. Non-pregnant Buffy would probably…throw the biggest hissy fit known to man, rip out my eyes and stove 'em up my ass. Fuck, I'm in trouble.

"If you're going to do that when we have company you could at least block the door with the hamper. And you better be hiding that some place where the kids won't find it or else you'll be giving them the anatomy lesson." And she just stands there looking at me with a little bit of anger. And I know this because she hasn't ripped out my eyes and shoved 'em up my ass. What the hell? "I need some help, I can't reach the top shelf in the pantry." Why isn't she pissed? I mean, it's cool that she's not 'cause my eyeballs get to stay in their sockets but right about now she should be throwing a big tantrum and saying something like 'how can you look at that? Don't you think I'm attractive anymore?' So what's up? "Faith, are you going to help me?"

"Uh, yeah. Just let me…clean up." She nods her head and leaves the room and she closes the door behind her. Ok, that was weird. I flush the toilet just out of habit and wash my hands. I set the temperature so it's almost burning me and I use Buffy's flowery scented soap. I thought really hot water and regular soap would get rid of the smell but the other day I came in here and got some release and I thought I washed all of the smell off but when I went into the living room and started watching T.V. with Mattie he got a really weird look on his face and asked what was on my hands. I keep forgetting him and Addy are little miniature slayers and that comes complete with the whole slayer package: accelerated healing, advanced strength, speed, eyesight, coordination, and smell. But I started using this flowery stuff and there hasn't been any questions since.

"Oh God, oh yes…a little harder…oh god…I'm so close…." Sounds like Dawn and her boy are making up…again. They've only been here for twenty hours and they've had sex five times. Well, at least someone in this house is getting laid 'cause I'm sure as hell not getting any. I just hope B's slayer healing works in over time to speed up her recovery 'cause if I don't get some soon I'll probably spontaneously combust.

BPOV

For some reason I feel like I should be surprised that Faith has been hiding porn but I'm not. We haven't had sex in over two months and it's not like she joined a convent while I'm on pelvic rest. I was surprised when I opened the door because I didn't think she'd do it in the middle of the day with Dawn and Kyle arguing in the next room. Couldn't have been anything I did because I'm still in my pajamas and I look like a bloated cow. Maybe it's all building up or something? She hasn't had any in so long that she's turned on all the time? Well, I'll just have to fix that. Because I said something pretty important in this paragraph and if you don't know what it is I'll go ahead and remind you: 'I'm on pelvic rest'. As in **me**, not **Faith**.

It isn't fair that I haven't touched her in the last two months. I should be able to find some self-control so that I can keep my wife happy. She can pretend all she wants that she's handling it well, but she's not. She's pissy, almost all the time. She doesn't realize it, she thinks she's acting normal and when the kids fight back or when I look at her weird she thinks it's us who have the problem because she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her. But she's pissy, and she only gets pissy when she's frustrated, and she's only this frustrated when she's gone too long without some hot lovin. So I'm going to change that. I'm an adult. I'm thirty-five years old. I should be able to show some self-control.

I wait for her in the pantry like I said I would. There's enough room in here for three people, the door locks from the inside, and there's a light but I don't think we're going to need it. I know this is a safe neighborhood but things happen, home invasion that kind of thing. And the pantry, for some reason, is at the very end of the hallway where all the bedrooms are. So Faith put a lock on this door in case someone breaks into the house, the kids will have someplace safe to go while Faith and I take care of whoever has entered our home. But that's all hypothetical stuff that probably will never happen so I'll stop talking about it now.

I flip on the light because it is pretty dark in here. Let's see how am I going to seduce her? It won't be too hard. She'll fight me at first. Probably say something like 'we can't, it'll hurt the baby', but I already know what I'm going to say to that. Well, I did tell her I needed help because I can't reach the top shelf because my stomach is too big so I'll wait until she's on her tippy toes trying to grab the peanut butter and then I'll come up behind her and reach around and slowly slip my hand into her pants. I know once she feels my somewhat cold hands on her clit it'll be all over. There's no way in hell she'll be able to say no. I hear the door open and look up. She walks in and the door closes behind her. Fuck the plan.

Before she can get a word out I shove her up against the door and kiss her. She moans into my mouth and I feel her body react to me. Her hips are lightly grinding back and forth and I can feel her heartbeat against my chest. I reach over and lock the door. I pull back from the kiss and we're both panting. I latch onto her neck and strongly suck on the hot flesh. She's moaning and groaning and trying to grind against something but she's whispering the word no.

"Buffy you know we can't. Stop…stop baby," she says and pushes me back a little. I look into her eyes and she's so turned on but she's so damn stubborn at the same time. If she weren't so stubborn she'd already be halfway to happyville right now, but nooo. I gently caress her cheek with my right hand and she leans into my touch. Her body is betraying her and I can tell she hates it.

"Faith, the doctor said I have to be on pelvic rest, not you. She never said it would hurt anything if I get aroused, I just can't be penetrated or have an orgasm." And you have no idea how much I hate that. "I need to stop being so selfish and I'm sorry that I have been. I can control myself. So please, let me do this." She thinks about it for about five seconds and then her lips are on mine. I back up a little bit because I wasn't prepared for that but I quickly gain the control. I press her up against the door and my hands instantly go to her belt. I struggle a little to get it off but I do and drop it to the ground. In one quick motion I unbutton and unzip her pants. I pull back from the kiss and look into her eyes.

"Are you trying to kill me?" she asks and thrusts her hips sharply. "Don't stop now." I smile and kiss her with all I'm worth. I slip my hand into her pants and cup her over her panties. She pulls back from the kiss and hisses in a breath. "Baby, don't tease." I lean in and kiss her again but it's sloppy on her part. I move her underwear to the side and shove two fingers up inside her. She pulls back from the kiss and moans loudly. She pumps herself against my hand as I slowly thrust in and out of her. We start a slow rhythm and her head rolls back and her eyes close. The only sounds in the room is our heavy breathing, her moaning, and the wet clicking sound of her sopping pussy. She's not talking though, and I can feel her straining, like she's trying to force herself to come. I leave some little whisper kisses by her ear.

"Do you like what I'm doing to you baby?" I ask and she nods her head yes. If she's not going to talk then I am. She likes it when I talk a little dirty. "This is what you've been dying for, isn't it? My fingers slowly fucking you." She lets out an 'oh god' and moans really loudly. "I can feel you trying to suck me in deeper." And I can. She's clenching down so tight I think my fingers are going to bruise.

"And you feel so good, Faith." I circle her throbbing clit with my thumb. She moans louder and thrusts a little harder. I suck on her earlobe then pull back and blow warm air on the wet spot. She moans and thrusts a little harder against me. I speed up my fingers, but it's a little hard because of the restriction of her jeans. "Look at me baby. I wanna see you when you come." She opens her eyes and tilts her head down. Fuck, her eyes are so fucking dark. She's so damn sexy right now. I press down on her clit really hard with my thumb and she sucks in a deep breath.

"Oh God, Buffy, uunnggghhhh." I feel the outpour of her orgasm gush all over my hand. I can't wait to taste it. It's been so damn long since I've tasted her. Even if it's just licking it off my hand, I'll have to settle for that for now. But tonight I'm so gonna have her kneel over my face. This self-control thing isn't so hard. She's going to be one very happy woman for the next couple of days. We need to make up for all the time we weren't together. Oh yeah, she's gonna be very happy. She moans one last time before she goes quiet and rests her head on my shoulder.

"Thank you," she whispers and kisses my neck. "Thank you," kiss. "Thank you," kiss. "Thank you," kiss. She repeats this over and over again. But I have to make her stop because she's getting me even more worked up then I already was just from touching her and hearing her moans. I guess she can feel my mood change and she stops what she's doing and rests her head on my shoulder. We're quiet for a few minutes until she gets her breathing under control. "You need to get back to bed. You've been up for way more then fifteen minutes." I pull my hand out of her pants and look at my watch. I can't help but laugh.

"Faith, we've only been in here for eight minutes." She pulls back and gives me a surprised look. She's never come that quick before. Then again we've never gone two and a half months without sex before. So I guess I should have expected a quick arrival.

"No way. Your watch is probably broken." She leans down and kisses me. Our tongues swirl together and she pulls back just a little tiny bit and nips at my bottom lip. Then she pulls my tongue into her mouth and gently sucks on the tip. "Ok, you really do need ta get back to bed and I've got some stuff to do." She's getting worked up again, I can tell. That's why she wants to get away from me. I understand so I'm not going to get mad. Besides I really do need to get back to bed. I leave a little kiss on her lips and then give her a devilish smile.

"Ok, I'll go back. I'll have the rest of my fun tonight." Her pupils dilate a little more and I give her a quick peck on the lips. I take a couple steps back and she moves out of the way and I unlock the door and step out into the hallway. I wonder why the pantry is back here? I have no idea but I'm glad it is. If it were in the kitchen then someone so would have heard us, but back here is pretty deserted right now. I go into the bathroom and wash off my hands. I really want to lick it clean but I know it'll just turn me on beyond all reason and I don't think I'll be able to control myself if I get anymore turned on then I am right now.

Great, Dawn and Kyle are fighting again. I hate listening to them fight, it always puts me in a bad mood. I know she's pregnant with twins, and I know she's scared and worried and really hormonal, but she needs to cut him some slack. I think there's something more going on with her. I've seen some of the looks she'll give Kyle when he's not looking. She looks guilty about something. Maybe that's why she's lashing out all the time? It's not like I've never done that before. What am I talking about? This is Dawn. She loves Kyle more then anything in the world, and she can be very bitchy, even when she's not pregnant. I think she's just going insane because of the hormones and all of the worrying a first time mother goes through. But still, it would be nice to get some sleep around here.

FPOV

Goddamn I can't believe Buffy did that. It felt so fuckin good to have her fingers up inside me. It's been way too damn long since we've done that. I feel kinda bad though, 'cause she got me off but I can't even return the favor. But she insisted so there's not much I can do about it. There's no way in hell I could've said no. It doesn't matter that I got myself off in the bathroom not even five minutes before I went into the pantry. That was the first time I've felt B's touch in a little over two months. I could've been fuckin myself all day long and still couldn't have said no to her fucking me.

I zip and button my pants back up and pick my belt up off the floor. I make sure it goes through every loop and set it to the very last notch. I need to change these pants. I can feel my come all over 'em, it's starting to run down my thighs. It feels disgusting. And B moved my panties to the side instead of just slidin her hand down the front so they're all wrinkled up now and it's really uncomfortable. But I can't help but smile 'cause that was the best orgasm I've had in a really long time. And what she was saying wasn't that dirty, but B usually doesn't talk at all durin sex, she's more of a moaner, so hearin her saying that stuff just added to it.

Great, Dawn and her boy are fighting again. I know Buffy said that I have to be nice and all that other shit but if they don't stop this shit I'm gonna make 'em stay at a hotel 'cause I'm not gonna make my kids listen to this shit when they get home tonight. And I'm getting sick and tired of listening to it. If Kyle would grow some fucking balls and stand up to her I'm sure she'd shut the fuck up every once in a while. I understand the pregnancy hormones but sometimes she goes a little too far and I wanna slap her, and she isn't even talkin to me. I have no idea how Kyle can just sit there and take that shit.

"Hey baby," B says when I walk in the room. "I was wondering when you were gonna come in here. You took a little longer then I expected." And then the little minx gives me her sexy smile. She's trying to get me worked up, and it's working. Jeez, when I was a teenager it took so much more then a sexy smile from anyone to get me worked up. Lots of grinding on the dance floor, a couple drinks, or if a demon got away from a big fight, but never from just a sexy smile. "I can't wait until tonight," she says and giggles a little bit and bites her bottom lip. "It's been so damn long since I've tasted you." Oh God. She's trying to kill me isn't she? Did I do something wrong? Is this her way of punishing me?

"Yeah it has," I say and walk over to the dresser. I turn my back to her while I change 'cause if I were looking at her right now I probably wouldn't be able to get dressed. I'd probably jump on the bed naked from the waist down and straddle her face and have her eat me. So I think it's better if I don't look at her. "I need to do some grocery shopping. Do you want me to pick anything up for you while I'm out?" She lets out a little 'hmmm' while she thinks about it.

"Some strawberry ice cream so you can make me a milkshake when you get back." Here's the difference between the first year of dating someone and the eleventh year: in the first year I probably would have said 'well, I'll make you a milkshake but only if you do something nice for me' or something like that. Now all I'm doing is smiling and nodding. Even though she can't see my face I'm smiling. "And do you think you can run to the mall and pick up some new sexy lingerie for you to wear tonight? Something...red." I can't help but laugh a little at that.

"And who am I to deny you something like that?" I ask and turn around. She's sitting up in the bed now and twirling a lock of her hair around her finger. She hasn't dyed it in a while so the roots have grown out pretty far. I have a feeling her days of being a bottled blonde are coming to an end. But that's fine with me. I'm not with her just because she makes a sexy blonde. "I better get goin. I'll take the cell phone so call me if you think of anything else you need, ok?" She nods her head yes and I walk over and give her a little kiss goodbye.

I leave the house feelin pretty giddy. I haven't felt giddy in a really long time. There's been so much bad stuff going on. First Addy's tumor and then B's complication. It seems like for the last few months' I've done nothing but worry about my kids. It's been the only thing I could think about for a while. But all that's changing now. We're getting our spark back. And we better take advantage of it because as soon as we bring that baby home our libidos are going back into hibernation until he's about five months old. That's usually when kids start sleeping all through the night. Maybe we'll get in a quickie every now and then but for the most part we'll be too tired.

But I'm not going to think about any of that right now. Right now I'm going to the lingerie store and I'm going to find the sexiest thing they have in red and then I'm going to buy some strawberry ice cream and I'm going to head home to be with my girl. Dammit, I still need to get the housework done. I can't put that off anymore 'cause the house is startin to look like a train wreck. But B said we're not gonna fool around again until tonight so I have plenty of time to do everything and then pick up the kids and make dinner and give Addy a bath and put 'em to bed and then get a shower.

"She really said that to you?" B asks and I nod my head and she starts crackin up laughing. My little trip to the lingerie store was fine, everything was going great until I saw someone from a really long time ago. I'm surprise she still remembers me, I mean I met her what...eight and a half years ago?

Anyway, she's this chick named Mandy and apparently I tried to get her phone number one day in a clothing store and we bumped into each other today. She asked if I was still with that 'little blonde chick' and I smile and nodded my head yes and she looked a little disappointed. Then she said 'well, you've been together for a long time' and I said yeah and held up my left hand so she could see the rings. Then she handed me a slip of paper and told me to give her a call when my marriage goes stale.

"She either really wanted to sleep with me or I'm just that damn rememberable." B smiles and says 'she probably just wanted you really bad'. I let out a little gasp and pick up my pillow and throw it at her face. She blocks and starts laughing a little. We're been sitting here together for about an hour now, just talking. She's sitting up with her back against the headboard and I'm lying horizontal in the middle of the bed painting her toenails. "So you're saying that I'm not sexy enough to never forget?" She knows I'm just playin around. Like I care about some blonde chick I hit on eight years ago.

"Ah, did I hurt your widdle feelwings?" she asks in her baby talk and I dip the little brush in the polish and make a little mark on her calf. "Hey! That's cold." She moves around a little bit but she calms down. "God, my feet are so fuckin ugly," she says and sighs. I look up at her and smile. She thinks she's 'so fuckin ugly' but she's beautiful, she just can't see it what with the pregnancy hormones making her insane and delusional.

"Your feet aren't ugly." Your ankles are swollen and kinda gross, but not your feet. "I still think they're pretty fuckin cute." She used to tease me and tell me how I had a foot fetish because I think her feet are cute. She's the only one I've ever thought that about, usually feet kinda gross me out, but not hers. I put my hand under her ankle and gently pull her foot closer to my face. "They're so cute, I'll even kiss your toes." I slowly kiss the bottoms of her toes and she giggles a little bit. We both have pretty ticklish feet. Mine are more then hers, but any light touch against her feet or toes and she'll laugh.

"Come here," she whispers and holds her hand out for me to take. I put her foot down and reach up and hold onto her hand and she slowly pulls me up towards her. I help her out my crawling on my knees. She pulls me into a kiss and it's passionate from the beginning. She lets go of my hand and wraps her arm around my bare back. I did buy some sexy red lingerie just like she wanted and I've been wearing it for a little over an hour. It's a red lace bra and matching underwear. Simple, but she loves it.

"Take off your bra." She whispers and starts suckin on my neck. I reach out and unhook the bra and it falls forward. She grabs it and tosses it somewhere across the room. She scoots down the bed until she's lyin on her back. She looks into my eyes with this 'well?' type of look. I get a little closer to her, my bottom half off to the side but my breasts are right in her face, which is exactly what she wanted. She wraps her lips around my right nipple and gently sucks on it and massages my left breast at the same time.

"Fuck, B," I moan and press down into her a little. I don't want to her suffocate or anything. "That feels so fuckin good baby." She scrapes her teeth across my areola and nipple and I squeak. I feel her laugh and it sends vibrations right down to my pussy, which is starting to get really fuckin wet. "Fuck baby, that felt so good." She lets go and switches to the other breast and does the same thing and I squeak again. I hate it when I squeak, I hate feelin like a little girl but I can't help it. She lets go of my breasts and wraps her hand around the back of my neck and pulls me down into a kiss. She swirls her tongue around mine and then does the swirly thing on the roof of my mouth that she knows drives me insane.

"Baby, I wanna taste you," she whispers in a deep sexy voice that she only gets when she's really turned on. I nod my head and she kisses me again. Without breaking the kiss I reach down and take off the panties and throw them across the room. I hear something fall over and the sound of glass breaking but I could give a fuck less right now. She breaks the kiss and scoots down the bed a little bit. Her pajama top gets pulled up a little and I can feel the warm flesh of her stomach against my cooler skin.

I sit up on my knees and walk up the bed a little bit and she's staring at my pussy the entire time. I made another little stop on my way to my dad's house to pick up the kids. I stopped by a waxing place and got a Brazilian. Hurt like a bitch but it was well worth it 'cause I think her mouth is watering. Oh yeah, there's definitely some drool action going on. I kneel over her head with one leg on either side and spread 'em pretty wide so she can get a great look. She reaches up and gently touches my thigh and I shudder a little bit. I wanna tell her to hurry up because I really need to feel her tongue inside me, wigglin around and drivin me crazy, but I'm not gonna rush her.

"You are so beautiful," she says and grabs onto my ass with both of her hands and pulls me down to her face. "Molly Ringwald isn't the only one pretty in pink." Who the fuck is Molly-oh fuck! B wraps her lips around my clit and starts suckin on me. It's gentle at first but now she's doin it pretty hard.

"Oh God, oh yes...oh God Buffy. Uunnggghhhh baby, that feels so fucking good." Then I feel the tip of her tongue wiggle at my entrance and she presses it flat against me and slowly drags it up my slit all the way to my clit. "Fuck! Buffy, oh God, do that again baby." So she does. I buck against her face and she grabs onto my hips to keep me still. She does it a couple more times and I moan louder every time. I look down and she's staring at me and I can't help but shiver because of the feral look in her eyes.

"I...I need you inside. Please, baby." I feel her wrap her lips around my clit again and she gives one really strong suck and then lets go. I think I just heard a little 'pop' sound but whatever. Then she lightly kisses my entrance with just her lips, and it's one of those barely-there-whisper-kisses. I usually like those but not right now. Then without warning she shoves her tongue up inside.

"Ah fuck, ah Buffy. Uunnggghhhh, uunnggghhh. Baby that feels so fuckin good. Oh God, oh God...oh yes." I thrust against her face and tightens her hold on my hips. I feel her fingernails dig into my skin and I moan louder. She swirls her tongue in a big circle and then wiggles the tip of it just how I like it. "Fuck baby, I'm so close...I'm so fuckin close. I'm so close." I grab onto the headboard when I feel like I'm gonna fall. I feel her let go of one of hips and she softly rubs my clit with her thumb.

"You feel so fuckin good baby, just a little more...I'm so close." My eyes are clamped shut so tightly I'm seein spots. Then B pressed down on my clit and everything goes white. "Fuck, yes, oh God yes!" I can't hold myself up anymore and I start to fall but she grabs onto my sides and pushes me off her. I collapse onto the bed and roll over onto my back. My breathing is so fuckin loud it's one of the only things I can hear. That and my heartbeat. I can feel her kissing the bottom of my foot and I giggle a little bit. I don't know how long it takes me to come down from my high or how long it takes for me to get my breathing under control but eventually I do.

"Come here baby," B says and pulls on my ankle a little. Fuck, I forgot she was in the room. Yep, that's how great that orgasm was, I forgot anyone else was in here. "I wanna hold you." Ah, my baby wants to cuddle. I look over at her and she's already under the covers. I smile and crawl under 'em too and scoot over so I'm pressed up against her. She wraps an arm around me and pulls me a little closer to her. "I forgot how good you taste." She says and kisses me on the head. "We'll definitely have to do this again really soon." Fuck yeah we will.

"Mmm, yeah we will," I mumble and close my eyes since they're gettin so heavy. Why am I so tired? Oh yeah, I just had a mind-blowing orgasm! I'm gonna be braggin about this for the next couple of days. "But let's sleep now ok? Or did you wanna stay up and talk?" Why do most women wanna do that shit? Once back in Sunnydale I slept with this goth chick, dark make-up, dark clothes had the whole 'life sucks I wanna end it' type of attitude goin on. Anyway, we went back to her place and had some pretty kinky sex. First time I never used a whip. And afterwards she wanted to cuddle up to me and talk. But since I had already gotten some there was only one thing left to do. That's right, get gone.

"We can sleep. You sound pretty tired." She doesn't sound mad or disappointed or anything. I smile and tilt my head up and look into her eyes. They're so fuckin beautiful. I've always loved the color of Buffy's eyes. Well, it depends on the color. When she's really pissed off they turn a light brown color and when she's really turned on they turn dark green. Wanna guess what color they are right now?

"That's because my gorgeous wife just gave me the most satisfying orgasm I've ever had." Ok, so one little white lie isn't gonna hurt anything. She's given me better because she spent a long time teasin me so the payoff felt way better. But I want to make her feel good about herself and it worked. I lean up a little and give her a kiss on the lips. "G'night, I love you." She says it back and then I rest my head on her shoulder and I close my eyes. It's pretty rare that she holds me, I'm usually the one holdin her but I like this. I feel safe, and secure and really fuckin tired. So I close my eyes and let out a long sigh and drift off to sleep.

BPOV

I smile to myself and bask in this wonderful feeling. Last night was pretty amazing. I forgot how good Faith's tastes. I've always thought so since the very first time I ever went down on her. Back then I was so nervous and didn't have a clue what I was doing. She had to coach me through the entire thing telling me 'a little more the left...yeah right there. God that feels so good'. When she came in my mouth for the first time I was a little surprised by the taste of it. It's a little sweeter then the other liquid, and I never get tired of drinking it down. I didn't get as much as I wanted last night because Faith lost her balance and I was having a hard time holding her up. Normally when she kneels over me like that I'll help her slide down my body and she'll lay on top of me but she can't do that anymore. But maybe today I'll get my fill.

We're alone in the house this morning. Dawn and Kyle figured we could use some alone time and took the kids out. We don't have anything to do today so we can just enjoy this time to ourselves since we're not going to be getting a whole lot of it in a few days. I giggle a little when I hear her say 'ouch, motherfucker!' from the kitchen. She got up about fifteen minutes ago to make us some breakfast. I hope she's ok and didn't burn herself. Then again knowing her she probably burnt herself on purpose just for the sympathy sex.

And I want to give her the release she's been craving over the last two and a half months, I really do but we need to be careful and I'm not going to be able to pleasure her as much as we both want. Last night when she came...well, I almost came too. I got so worked up I had even more trouble sleeping then normal. And I can't have an orgasm not matter how much I want to because if I do bad stuff could happen. So got some twice yesterday so many only once today? I don't know. I don't know what we should do. It's just...tasting her, feeling her and hearing her worked me up so much both times and I'm pretty sure if we keep at it I'll come just feeling her come. I still remember the very first time I felt that.

(flashback to many, many years ago)

I have the best girlfriend in the entire world. Don't believe me? Ok, I'll prove it. A couple weeks ago Dawn had a slumber party with a few of her friends. Only she didn't call it a slumber party because I guess that's un-cool or something. Anyway, I stayed in my room talking to Faith on the phone almost the entire night even though she only lives one floor up. And I have a separate phone line in my bedroom then the other two in the apartment so Dawn and her friends were able to order a bunch of pizzas and they ended up leaving the boxes out instead of putting them in the trash and now our apartment is so infested with ants we have to have it fumigated.

And here's why I have the best girlfriend in the entire world: we have to leave our apartment for a couple days or else the fumes will kill us too. Dawn is staying at a friend's house but I had nowhere to go. So Faith is letting me stay with her. We haven't really worked anything out yet. I packed a couple bags and she knows I'm going to be staying for a couple of days but I just got here twenty minutes ago and she had to leave to run an errand and she didn't say anything about the sleeping arrangements, she just had me put my bags in a corner of the living room.

But she's the best because we haven't even had sex yet and she's letting me stay with her. This next week might get very awkward and filled with sexual tension because we both want to but I'm a little scared. We've been dating for five months now, and gone on a lot of dates and she's been a sweetheart about the entire thing. It's just…Faith is a woman and she's experienced when it comes to this kinda thing. Not that I'm calling her a slut or anything, it's just she's been with other girls. And I haven't so I have no idea what to do. I don't want her to think I'm an idiot and I don't want to accidentally hurt her or something. Sure I've gotten myself off, hello! Slayer here, but I've never touched anyone else's girly parts.

The problem is she isn't taking control of any of the five or so situations that I created on purpose that would have been perfect for 'the night'. Like I said, I don't know what to do and if she where to take the reins, so to speak, then I wouldn't be as nervous because I could just follow her lead. But she isn't taking control, and we've never talked about it before. She knows I want to wait. I told her at the very beginning of this relationship that I don't want to rush into sex because I want a relationship where we go out and have fun and do things together and not just fuck all the time. So I think she thinks I'm still not ready and she doesn't want to rush me or something. So she pulls back every time and makes some excuse about needing to go home and then she'll rush off.

I know it's stupid but for a while there I thought it was me she didn't want to be around. Like she was holding back because she just doesn't want to sleep with me. So I had a 'best friend night' with Willow, basically a slumber party, and she told me that if I'm ready for the next step then I need to be open and honest about it with Faith and we need to sit down and have a conversation about it. But I know that would have been way too awkward and my foot would've permanently been in my mouth so Willow suggested that I be the one to take the reins. That I shouldn't just set up a situation where us finally having sex is just an underlying suggestion where I could want it but she's not a hundred percent sure. Nope, I have to put her in a situation where my intentions are one hundred percent clear so she knows that I want me and her to finally be together 'that way'.

"Hey, B, sorry I took so long. I hope you didn't get too bored," she says as she opens the door. I wonder what she had to do. I've been here by myself for…almost an hour. She puts something down on the counter, I can't tell what it is. "I got some grocery's, wanna help me bring 'em in?" I smile and nod my head yes and hop up off the couch. She smiles and shakes her head a little. Jeez she got a lot of stuff. But then again, two slayers sharing an apartment for almost a week, food could get scarce fast. Well, I'm glad she thought ahead. "You didn't get bored did you?" she asks and sets down the last bag on the counter.

"No, I'm fine," I tell her and she smiles and eyes me up and down and gets this look on her face like she's thinking kinda hard about something.

"Damn straight you are," she says and wraps her arms around my waist. "But I've always thought so." Ahhh, could she be any more perfect? I don't think so, it doesn't get any better with this and I'm so not complaining. I look into her eyes and I know that now is that perfect moment I've been waiting for. It isn't a romantic setting or after a date or anything like that. It's three in the afternoon on a Wednesday, but I don't care. I want her, I'm finally ready to take charge and hopefully I won't screw anything up.

I lean in and kiss her. It's soft at first, just our lips lightly touching while she strokes my back a little with her strong fingers. But it gets a little more passionate and before I know it I'm swirling my tongue on the roof of her mouth. It didn't take me long to figure out that drives her a little crazy. I feel her hips starts to grind against mine and I know that I need to make my move and fast for else she's going to pull back and run away from me again.

So I grab onto her hips and start to walk backwards. I've been in this apartment enough to know the exact arrangement of the furniture and I have a good idea where all the rooms are. I stop when my back presses up against a door. I take a step or two forward and open the door and back us into the room. But after a few steps my back is up against a wall and I feel something touching me on both sides. It feels like…leather? I pull back from the kiss not only so we can breathe but so I can figure out where the hell we are. It doesn't look familiar and Faith laughs a little bit.

"B, we're in the closet." Oh, so this is the inside of Faith's coat closet. Hmm, never been in here before. I look at her face, and I'm totally embarrassed. So much for taking the reins. But at least I tried, that's the important thing, right? No, it isn't. The important thing is us finally being together. Ok, I know I sound like I'm just horny and want to fuck her but I'm not. Well, I am but that's not the entire thing. I want to take our relationship further. I want to be connected on a deeper level, not just emotionally like we are now but physically. "Buffy, is there a reason why we're standin in the closet?" Because I haven't memorized your floor plan. "Come on B, if there's somethin you need to tell me, please baby, just say it. You know I'll try as hard as I can to understand." Could she be any more perfect? Oh…I think we already covered this.

"Well…I was trying to lead us to the bedroom," I tell her and she looks a little less confused but I still need to do some explaining. "I'm ready Faith, I'm finally ready. I have been for a couple of weeks. And I know I probably should have talked to you about it but I thought it would be awkward and embarrassing so I tried to make my intentions clear but I guess I wasn't doing a good job because we still haven't. But I'm ready, and back there in the kitchen you were so…I don't know…. And you're being so nice to me about everything. Like right now, I probably sound like a crazy person, talking this much and this fast, but you're not even laughing or anything, and I want you so bad." Her little amused smile fades away. Oh God, did I scare her off? I guess not since she's kissing me deeper then she's ever kissed me before. I kiss her back and slow her down a little bit. I don't want this to be rushed at all.

"You coulda said somethin. Even if you think it'll be awkward don't be afraid to talk to me about anything, B. I promise I'll always try my hardest to understand, ok?" she says and I nod my head yes. I think I'm gonna cry, she's just so perfect. I kiss her softly and gently run the tip of my tongue over her bottom lip. She opens her mouth and lets me in. I massage my tongue against hers softly and she moans. It sends vibrations right to my center and I want her even more. I grind my hips against hers and she moans again. I feel her hands on my ass, and then on my backs of my thighs. I hop up and wrap my legs around her waist. She backs up and I feel her turn around. She pulls back and starts to kiss my neck and then lightly sucks on my collarbone.

I feel her let go of me with one hand and she reaches behind me and opens her bedroom door. Now she's walking again and kissing my neck softly. She's being so gentle with me. This isn't how I thought she was going to be. This is Faith we're talking about, I thought she would rush and have us in here by now, with our clothes off and…doing whatever it is we're going to do. Ok, I'm not stupid I know we're going to have sex…I just don't know exactly how yet. I feel her set me down on the bed and she stands up straight and looks into my eyes.

"Ok, um…I'm not backing out so please, please don't think that I am, but…well…it's just…I've never done this before. Ok, well I have just not with another woman and I don't know exactly what to do. So if you could, like, tell me what I should do, tell me what you like…then maybe I won't disappoint you because I really don't want that to happen and-" she cuts me off with a kiss. It's so soft and reassuring. I feel better now, not as…worried. I still am, I just said I'm not as. But then she pulls back and gently runs her fingers through my hair and looks into my eyes. Hers are dark, not as dark as I've seen them get before, but darker then normal.

"You couldn't disappoint me if you tried." God, again with the perfect. "Don't worry, Buffy." And she used my full name. She only does that when she's serious. Well, I'm glad she's taking this serious because it would probably scare me off completely if she wasn't. "I'll take good care of you. Just tell me if you want to stop, ok? I don't want to feel like you have to do this just because we haven't yet, alright?" I nod my head yes and she gives me another kiss. "And don't worry about the details, alright? I'll walk you through it." She kisses me again and I feel her hands on my shoulders. I scoot back on the bed and she follows me without breaking the kiss. I keep going until I'm at the head of the bed and I lay down and rest my head on the pillow. She's on top of me, but she's resting most of her weight on her legs and elbows.

"It's just…I don't know what I'm doing and I want to make you feel good too, I don't want it to be one sided, ya know?" She smiles and kisses me again. Ok, it was reassuring before, now it's just a little irritating. It's like she's avoiding my question or something. But then she pulls back and starts to softly kiss my neck and I think I'm melting. The heat between my legs is getting so hot…I know she can feel it through our clothing. I know she can smell me, and the fact that she can is only turning me on even more.

"I know, baby. But there's a way…a position we can be in and we'll both…" she trails off but I get what she's trying to say. I guess she doesn't want me to get embarrassed. She's sweet like that. "And you don't have to touch anything if you're not ready to. Just…let me show you, ok?" I nod my head yes and she kisses me again. A position? Ok, now I am a little scared. I mean, it isn't anything kinky is it? Because we haven't even had sex yet and I'm a little nervous about it so if she's suggesting we have kinky sex I don't think I'll be able to handle it. "Can I take this off?" she asks, her lips brushing against mine and she gently pulls on the hem of my shirt. I sit up a little and she slowly pulls it off. She tosses it to the floor and looks down at me. I can't help but feel a little…exposed. "God B, you're so damn beautiful." Ok, now I'm blushing.

She kisses me again and I feel her hands on my stomach, softly caressing my hot skin. But this is all carted territory. We haven't had sex but we've had many make-out sessions that have gone pretty far. Tops have been taken off, bras unhooked and discarded. We've both spent an ample amount of time getting to know each other's upper half. It's the stuff below the waistline that I'm freaked out about. How am I supposed to know if I'm doing something right or wrong? You've seen the way she's been with me, so kind and reassuring…what if she fakes it because I just can't get her to…ya know? What then?

Without breaking our kiss she lifts me up a little and unhooks my bra. She gently slides it off of me and drops it to the floor. She scoots down on the bed a little and starts teasing my breasts. Faith sure does know how to tease, I'll give her that. I'm moaning now because what she's doing to me feels so damn good. And she likes that she's making me moan and practically wither under her. I can feel her smiling against my skin. But then the smile goes away and she pulls back. I watch as she lifts off her shirt and takes off her bra and tosses both of them to the floor to join half of my outfit that's found its way down there.

She leans down and kisses me. Her breasts are pressed against mine, our hard nipples are scraping together and I'm moaning with every deep breath she takes that causes an electric rippling sensation to jolt from my needy breasts to my wet center. I think the proper word for it would be flooded. Because I am so far beyond just wet. I think I passed wet about five minutes ago. I can feel my liquids flowing out of me almost freely, like a stream or something.

"Tell me if I'm goin too fast, ok?" she asks and her voice is so damn husky and deep and sexy. Can a person come from just hearing someone's voice? 'Cause I think I might if she keeps talking. I just nod my head yes and I feel her fingers teasing the skin just above the waistband of my jeans. I lift my hips off the bed a little and she unbuttons and then unzips my jeans and slowly starts to pull them down. My panties start to go with them but she uses one hand to keep them in place until my pants are down far enough. When they're around my knees she reaches down and pulls off my shoes. I'm glad I decided to wear flip-flops. Then she pulls my pants completely off and sits by my feet and just looks at me.

I watch as she drinks in the sight of my bare legs. I've been going up to the roof of our apartment building to sunbath since the whether is getting better so my skin is nice and golden, which I'm glad because I don't want to look all gross and pasty for our first time together. But I don't really think it would matter to her. Maybe in retrospect but not in the moment. No, right now just looking at me with those hungry, lustful eyes she's making me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. Then she stands up and pulls off her dark blue jeans. She's wearing a black silk thong and nothing else now. God she looks so beautiful. Then she crawls up on the bed, kissing me on my thigh and hip and stomach on the way up.

She kisses me on the lips but she pulls away just a little bit before I can kiss back. She's teasing me again. She likes to do this sometimes and usually things are ok, only once did it lead to a fight. I was PMSing and really didn't want to put up with it. I can be a big bitch when I PMS but she's been understanding about it so far. Anyway, she teases me a little and then smiles against my lips before opening her mouth a little bit and inviting me in. Our tongues lightly joust and I feel her lift her hips up a little and she reaches down and pulls off her underwear. So now the only thing separating our dripping sexes is my skimpy 'hello kitty' underwear.

I pull back from the kiss and look into her eyes. I'm not as scared as I was before. Don't get me wrong, I'm nervous as hell and shaking like a dried out leaf on a breezy November day, but I'm not scared. Because I know Faith will take care of me. She won't do anything if she thinks I'll be uncomfortable with it. She knows I'm not going to want to do something kinky, so she won't try, won't even suggest it. If she says I have nothing to worry about then I don't. But I'm still nervous because I don't want to disappoint her and I don't want to do something that's going to make me look stupid.

She kisses me again. I think it's like a distraction or something. I feel her fingers gently teasing the skin right above the elastic band of my panties. She pulls back from the kiss when I don't respond to her. She gives me a questioning look and I slowly nod my head a little and lift my hips up. She smiles and gives me a little kiss on the lips and slowly moves down my body. I can feel her slowly dragging the cotton underwear down my legs and every once in a while she'll kiss my warm skin. When the panties are off and on the ground with the rest of our clothes she slowly crawls up the bed a little but she stops. She gently grabs onto my knees and slowly spreads them apart. I watch as she looks at me, a look of awe on her face. I'm expecting her to touch me, maybe even taste me, but she's not. She's just looking at me and slightly licking her lips.

"You're gorgeous," she whispers and then crawls up the bed and leans down slowly and kisses me on my lips. The kiss deepens and grows in passion. Our hips are slowly rocking together but I don't think we're getting any pleasure out of this. I mean, she said there was a position we could get in so that we would both feel pleasure and I wouldn't have to explore anything yet because I'm not ready for that yet. "Do you trust me?" she whispers into my ear. Did I hear her right? I let out a little 'what?' I can feel her heavy breathing against my face. Her breath smells like cinnamon gum. "I said 'do you trust me?'" I look into her eyes and I slowly nod my head yes. Then I feel her hand on my side and she's slowly working her way down. I tense up a little bit and I'm shaking so bad now. She stops what she's doing and eyes me a little closer. "Shh, baby. Just try to relax. I just need to open you up a little more, ok?" I nod my head yes and she gives me a little kiss on the lips.

Then I feel her hand moving again. She lifts her hips up a little and reaches between my legs. God, her fingers feel so fucking good. I start rocking against her hand and I see her smile. She tells me to relax 'cause that's not why her hand is down there. I try to calm myself down but it's so hard. She feels so good and I haven't had any touch in so long. Then I feel her spread my lips apart and the cool air hit my pussy and I groan. I've always had a soft spot for cold. Then I feel her move her hips and she pulls her hand away. Then I feel her clit press down on mine and my eyes slam shut.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God. Faith, oh my God." I'm moaning and shaking and pretty much spazing out and she hasn't even moved yet. And she just sits there, leaning on her elbows so she can gently rub my shoulders with her hands. She waits for me to calm down and when I do I slowly open my eyes. She smiles and slowly leans down and kisses me. I groan into her mouth when I feel her gently rocking her hips. Our slick pussies are rubbing against each other in a pleasure I never knew existed. All I can do is moan and I wrap my legs around her, spreading myself wider for her.

"Fuck Buffy…you feel so fuckin good. Oh baby…oh God. Fuck baby, you feel so fucking good." I didn't know Faith was a talker. She always seemed more like the grunting type, but I'm doing that enough for the both of us. We build up a steady rhythm and we're looking into each other's eyes. I don't think she's ever looked as beautiful as she does right now. And then she stops talking and starts kissing my neck, and kissing turns into sucking and I know I'm going to have a huge hickie there, but I don't care. She can leave her mark if she wants. I want everyone to see it. I want everyone in the world to know that I'm hers and she's finally taking me.

Our rocking motion starts to quicken and I feel this coiling inside of me and it's ready to spring forward. Then I feel her gently suck on my earlobe and I lose it. I scream out her name as I come harder then I've ever comed before. I feel my sticky liquid dripping all over us, getting on her pussy, the sheets, going down in between my ass cheeks. And then I feel her sharp intake of breath and she tenses for a second and I feel her gush all over me. I've never felt anything like this. I don't think I can describe it even if I tried. And I explode again, leaving me in a world of colors and shapes and tingly happy feelings. Just feeling her come against me made me come again. I didn't think something like that would be possible. I'm pretty sure if someone told me about it I wouldn't believe them.

When I come down from my high I slowly flutter my eyes open and Faith isn't on top of me anymore. When did she move? No, she's lying to the side of me and she's wrapping her arms around me and pulling me closer to her. I didn't think Faith was the cuddling type. Well, at least she didn't use to be, but all of that is changing now that she's with me. She's changed so much and for the better. I'm pretty sure if this had happened when we were in high school it would have been a get some get gone type of situation. At least for her it probably would. I don't think I could have survived that type of rejection. So I'm glad things worked out this way. We're together now, as in a real couple, and that was the best sex I've ever had. And this is just the first time. I wonder what future has in store.

(End flashback)

Yep, that's what happened ladies and gents. There's no doubt in my mind that Faith is the best lover I've had. None of the others have been very sensitive to my needs and desires. And she's always willing to discuss them if I want to. And now it's, what? Eleven years later and we're still together and still so much in love and attracted to each other. I mean, I look like a bloated cow and she still thinks I'm sexy, and she can make me feel sexy and like the most important person in the world. I'm so lucky to have her even if she does think she's the lucky one. And plus she's really nice to have around. I mean think about it, I can't cook worth anything, if it weren't for Faith I'd probably have starved to death by now or have suffered from a heart attack for eating nothing but pizza and fast food. So she's not only amazing and beauty and sexy and funny and so many other things, but she's also good for my health.

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Sorry it took me so long to get this up. Since school has started again (unfortunately) I'm not going to be able to update as often as I was. I'll try for one chapter a week but I can't promise anything.


	37. Flashbacks Of The Good And Not So Good

**Five Days Later.** BPOV

I've had a lot of time to think lately since I'm not really allowed to do anything. Especially right now because I'm alone. The kids are asleep and Faith took Tucker for a walk since he won't stop barking. She hasn't been walking him as much because I'm very clingy now that I'm so close to my due date. And as hard as I try I can't seem to get my mind off of some of the bad times me and Faith have gone through. Mostly a few years ago when she was gone for three, almost four months. After we got together and realized that our relationship was going to work I didn't think there was anything she could ever do to make me hate her. But I was wrong.

I kicked her out because I hated her. I couldn't stand to even look at her anymore. We were driving each other crazy, we weren't even sleeping in the same bed. Faith slept out on the couch a lot. We were both lonely and we wanted things to get better we just didn't know how to make it happen. And one day I had enough and I wanted her out. I got my way and for the first couple days it felt like I could breathe again. I actually felt better now that she was gone and I felt really sad about that. But I just kept telling myself that things were over between us. We could never make them work. And because of that I did some completely stupid that I really wish I could take back.

(Flashback to many years ago)

She's gone. She's finally gone. She's been gone for two months now and things are getting better. Matthew still cries for her and he asks me almost a hundred times a day when she's coming and I keep telling him that she's not. I keep telling him that she doesn't live here anymore but he refuses to accept that as an answer. He's angry with me but he's starting to get better. Seeing her on the weekends always puts him in a good mood on Friday because that's when Xander picks him up and takes him over to his place to see her. But on Sunday when Xander brings him home he's sad and angry and he won't even look at me. My little boy hates me and it's all her fault.

If she would have just stopped pushing me, if she had just kept her mouth shut then we probably wouldn't hate each other right now. But I might as well be honest. We fell out of love a long time ago. It started with the fighting and when I realized that we don't love each other that's when things got really bad. That's when we couldn't even share a bed. And those nights were so lonely. Knowing that she's in the house, wanting to feel her strong arms around me, to feel her gentle fingers inside of me, and not having her there...it was hard. And the one night I tried to get her to come back into the bedroom it blew up in my face. I gently woke her up and asked her to come into the room with me and she flipped out and said the only reason I want her in there is so she can fuck me. It was true but I wasn't about to admit it.

And things just built and built and none of us were happy. It got to a point where we couldn't even control our voices, even if we tried. Matthew was hearing all of these hateful things and it upset him really bad. I couldn't let it go on like that. Not only were me and Faith not in love anymore but it was hurting our son. So I made a decision that I didn't want to make. I told her leave, to get out and she thought I meant just for the night. But I told her to pack her bags and find another place to stay because I just couldn't handle it anymore. She wanted to wait. She didn't want to leave in front of Matthew. I think her father just walked out on her and her mother like that, I don't know, she never talks about him.

Anyway, she wanted to wait until his bedtime so she could tell him that she loves him and give him some kisses and hugs without alarming him too much, and then she was going to grab her bags and go. But I wouldn't let her do that. I wanted her gone and right the. I packed her bags for her and threw them at her and told her to get the fuck out. I said some really fucked up things to her just to piss her off and when she was mad enough she left. She threw her bags into the trunk of her car but then she came back.

She picked Matthew up off the floor and I had a moment of panic. I thought she was going to take him with her, so I ran up to her and tried to take him away. That freaked him out so much because neither of us have ever done that. But she told me she just wanted to say goodbye so I backed off but stayed close just in case she made a dash for the door or something. She hugged him and kissed him a couple of times and told him that she loves him more then anything in the world but she has to go. When he asked why she told him that it's because 'I don't get along with Mommy anymore, so I have to leave'.

He flipped out, started screaming and crying and clinging onto her for dear life. And as much as it hurt her she walked over to me and gave me an impatient look. It took both of us to make him let go of her and he tried really hard to go back to her but I had a good hold on him. She leaned in and gave him one last kiss on his temple and she left. That was the hardest night I think I've ever gone through. He cried himself to sleep after she left but when he woke up he started looking for her. He called out her name, searched every room of the house, looked in the backyard and the front yard and when he saw that both her car and her motorcycle was gone he fell down and started crying again. It took me hours to finally calm him down.

She called the following day and it took all my will power not to scream at her. See, when you love someone as much as I loved Faith, and then that love goes away it's a horrible feeling. You feel hollow and hurt and a little confused and the empty holes fill up with anger and hatred and to hear the person's voice is an almost sickening thing because now you hate it when you used to love it so much. But she wasn't calling because she was pissed and wanted to yell. She was calling to work out a custody arrangement.

We still haven't signed the papers yet. The adoption papers that will let the world know that Matthew is also Faith's. Legally he's all mine and if I wanted I could keep him all to myself and there'd be nothing she could do about it because the United States family court system still doesn't know about magic and that two women really can conceive a child together. But to keep him all to myself would be cruel and inhumane for both her and him. As much as I want to I can't keep him away from her. He's hers as much as he's mine, and as much as I hate her I'm not going to deny her seeing our son. So we made an arrangement. Every Friday Xander is going to pick him up in the morning before we has to go to work. Then on Sunday afternoon Xander is going to bring him back. This way Faith has most of the weekend with Matthew and we don't have to see each other.

So it's a lonely Saturday night right now. He's with her and I have nobody. So I'm going out. I haven't gone out in so long I can't even remember the last time I did. I'm not dressed up too fancy or anything and I don't really plan on doing anything other then dancing and maybe having a few drinks. I'm going to have some fun because now I can breathe. I can finally let loose and get rid of everything that has been building over the last year or so. Besides, I'm sure Faith has gone out a few times. I haven't asked Xander about it because I'm afraid of the answer. I don't know if I'm more afraid that he'll say no then yes. If the answer is no then that means she's waiting around and pining for me. I don't want her to pine for me, I want her to move on.

I'm not going to sit around and pine for her. I hope she doesn't think that I'm going to because I'm not. I wanted this, I needed this, and now that I have it I'm not going to sit around and feel bad about it. Yes there's sadness and pain and a little longing, I'm not heartless. I miss her, but not enough to let her come back. She was my lover for almost six years and I do miss the better times when we were happy, when we were in love. But that's gone now and I don't we're going to get it back. So we need to move on. And that's exactly what tonight is about, it's about moving on, leaving the past in the past and turning over a new leaf or whatever the saying is.

I pull into the parking lot of the club and find a great spot. I wonder why it isn't taken? Oh well, no use dwelling on it. I hop out of my car and pop the trunk. I loop my keys around my belt loop with the key ring and put in my purse in the trunk and walk into the club. It is bumpin in here. Lots of people, great music and it's 'ladies night' which means drinks are half off for the women tonight, so bonus. I have about a hundred dollars in my back pocket so if I want I can get completely wasted tonight, but I'm not going to do that. A few drinks to lighten my mood but that's about it. I find a table and put my coat on the back of my chair and walk over to the bar.

"Shot of tequila please," I tell the bar tender and pull out a five. Then I feel something brush against my arm and I look over and see a redhead sitting next to me. Her arm had brushed up against mine when she sat down on the stool. She looks at the bar tender and smiles a little.

"Make that two shots of tequila, and I'm paying," she says. I try to tell her no thanks, that I'll pay but she insists. "Really, it's my treat. Besides, it would be rude if I let you pay since I'm probably going to be hitting on you soon." Well, she's blunt isn't she? I'm about to explain to her why I don't want her to hit on me when the bartender comes back with our drinks. She puts a twenty down on the table and says 'keep 'em comin'. I toss back the shot and it burns my throat and I start to cough. I look over at the redhead and she smiles a little.

"Sorry, it's been a while since I've had any of this." And I'm not going to bring up memories that'll make me sad by remembering who I was with and what I was doing the last time I had this. Well, I guess I should say 'who I was doing'. I put the glass back on the table and the bar tender fills it back up and I quickly swallow that one too. But I have to stop for now. I need to pace myself if I want to have control of my limbs.

"I'm Ginny Ginger. I know it's a little strange, but nothing I can do about that," the redhead says and holds out her hand. I look into her eyes and I can see the playfulness, the desire, the possibility of flirtation and something else that I can't quite put my finger on but I like it. So I go against my better judgment and I shake her hand and give her my best smile.

"Well, Ginny Ginger, I'm Buffy Summers. As a fellow person with a funny name I know what it's like to be teased so you don't have to worry about that from me." She smiles and laughs a little. Her laugh sounds so sweet and I can't get enough of it. I came out here just looking to dance but I think there might be more here. I know I can't take her home or go back to her place or get a motel or anything but there may be a little kiss action by the end of the night. Baby steps is the key. I can't rush anything because if I do it could make everything so much worst then it already is.

We have a couple more drinks. A vodka martini for her, a Jamaican sunrise for me. After we have a couple of those we head out to the dance floor. I really like this song, I've never heard it before but I really like it. It has a great beat, one I can really move to and Ginny isn't having any trouble keeping up with me, which is kind of surprising since I'm a slayer. When that song finishes another one starts up. The beat is slower, but it isn't a slow song. No, this is a song that would be perfect to fuck to. I've heard this before, I own the CD that the song is on, I've had sex to this song before with Faith. But I don't feel guilty about listening to it and dancing with this other woman. This sexy as hell redhead that I'm having dirty thoughts about. And it scares me that I don't feel guilty.

I feel her hands on my hips and she moves closer to me. One of her legs slips in between mine and I quickly suck in a breath of air. It's been so long since I've had any touch. It'll be eight months next week. I kept count, how pathetic is that? Faith and I just couldn't be together like that anymore. It was too weird so we stopped. That's when she started sleeping on the couch. But enough about Faith. We're broken up so I shouldn't be feeling guilty about this woman and her oh so soft hands caressing my back. And I don't have to feel guilty that I'm practically humping her leg on a dance floor.

"You wanna get outta here?" she whispers in my ear. I pull my head back a little so I can look into her eyes. She smiles and keeps dancing and then looks over towards the front of the club, where the door is. The music seems to fade and time seems to stand still. Should we leave together? If we leave together then heavy physical contact will ensue, no doubt about that. But do I really want that? Having sex with this woman would signify that I really am ready to move on. Am I ready for that? I guess I am since I'm grabbing onto her hand and leading her off the dance floor. I leave my coat because it's just a cheap one that I got about a week ago. If she has any stuff here she doesn't want it because she isn't saying anything. We walk out to the parking lot and to the spot where my car was. I say was because it's being towed away.

"Wait! What the fuck are you doing?" I yell at the driver of the tow truck. He informs me that I parked it next to a fire zone so it's being towed. Then he gives me a slip of paper telling me where I have to go to pay the...eight hundred dollar fine, and pick up my car. Eight hundred dollars, that is such bullshit. But there's nothing I can do about it, and there's no use getting pissed at him for doing his job. I feel a squeeze on my hand and I turn around and look at Ginny. I forgot she was standing there.

"Don't worry about it, Buffy," she says and stands really close to me. I can feel her breath of my face and I can smell the alcohol but it's not bothering me right now. She looks into my eyes, the light from the lamppost is making the blue of hers sparkle and shine a little brighter. She softly brushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear and starts to lean down. I subconsciously lick my lips and my eyes close when our lips are on centimeters away. But then there's a loud **smack** sound and we both jump back as a large group of people stagger out of the club, laughing and being loud and having a good time.

That little moment we had going a second ago is ruined, we both know it but that doesn't stop her from leaning down and kissing me. I don't respond at first because I'm so surprised. But then my mind catches up with my lips and I kiss back. It's soft and sweet and when she pulls back she looks into my eyes and smiles really wide. She says that her car is parked about a block down and she holds onto my hand again and waits for me to make my decision. With my mind made up we walk towards the street, little words are said because there's no need for them. We both know exactly what's going to happen as soon as we get back to my house, there's no need to try and make it any less slutty by pretending we're going to see each other after tomorrow morning.

I get the front door unlocked after a few minutes of trying. As soon as we got out of the car I pressed her up against it and kissed her for all I was worth. I figured I should go ahead and get this night started so there won't be any awkward moments. And while I was trying to unlock the door she was standing behind me, her arms wrapped around me and kneading my breasts while she sucked on my neck. I throw the door open and we almost fall through. But I keep my balance and we stumble through the door. I toss the keys down on the little table and close the door.

I press her up against it and roughly kiss her. It's almost violent, and I stick my hand up her shirt and roughly knead her breast. She isn't wearing a bra. I break the kiss and pull her shirt off and toss it across the room. I don't give it another thought as I look down at her very ample breasts. I don't have to lean down too far since she's taller then me. I wrap my lips around one of her rock hard nipples and start to suck. She grinds against me, I can feel her heat on my stomach and it's driving me crazy. I want her, I need her and I'm going to have her.

I feel her push me back and I look at her with some confusion. I watch as she reaches down and takes off her shoes. She tosses them to the side and I do the same thing. Then she reaches down to the hem of my shirt and takes it off and tosses it somewhere across the living room. I step forward and kiss her deeply and wrap my arms around her waist and I start to back us up, leading us towards my bedroom. When we get to the hallway she presses me up against the wall and breaks the kiss and strongly sucks on my neck. I moan and groan and grind up against her. The heat and wetness between my legs is unbearable and I want that strong tongue of hers up inside me.

I feel her hands on my back and she unhooks my bra. She pulls back from her very wanted attack on my neck and drops my bra to the ground. She leans down and sucks on my right breast and I start moaning louder. I bury my fingers in her luscious red hair and it only encourages her to suck harder and gently bite my aching nipple. I groan loudly and pull her head away from my chest. I kiss her deeply and grind against her a lot faster and harder then I was before. I push her backwards and continue to make our way towards my room. But we stop by the door and I hold her up against the wall. My hands work their way down to her waist and I unzip her skirt and she steps out of it. Hmmm, no bra and no panties. I'd say she was really lookin to get some tonight.

I reach over and open up the door and hold onto her hand and lead her inside. She shuts the door and locks it as we walk over to the bed and now I'm getting a little nervous. I guess she can sense it because she wraps her arms around me from behind and gently caresses my stomach and lightly kisses my neck. There's no going back from here. I need her as much as she wants me so I can't say no, even if I wanted to. I pull down the covers to the foot of the bed and sit in the middle of it. I give her my best 'come hither' look and she smiles a devilish smile and crawls up on the bed. She's on all fours and she leans up a little to kiss me and she pushes me lightly until I'm on my back.

"Let's take these off, ok?" she says and tugs at the button on my pants. I nod my head yes and kiss her again. When she gets the jeans unbuttoned and unzipped I lift my hips up and she pulls them down and takes my thong with her. She drops both items to the floor and sits back and admires me for a few minutes. She looks into my eyes, the only light is the thin stream coming through the window from the street lamp. But because I'm a slayer I can see her, all of her and she is beautiful, I will admit that. And I'm able to watch as she trails her hands from the tops of my feet, up my legs and she stops at my knees. She gives me a little look, almost like she's asking for permission and a look of longing is my answer. I slowly spread my legs for her and she lies on her stomach and gets comfortable.

At first she just looks at me but I need her to touch me. And when I'm about to vocalize that she leans forward and laps at my juices that have coated my sex and the insides of my thighs. I moan and my head falls back onto the bed. I close my eyes and just feel as that strong tongue licks at my lips. She swirls it over my clit and I buck my hips really hard and I feel her giggle. It sends vibrations through me and I think I'm going to come just from feeling that. But then I feel her tongue plunge up inside of me and I scream and buck against her face. She holds me still by my hips and does this weird swirly thing. I don't think I can hold out much longer.

"Baby, just let go," she whispers, her voice is deep and husky and before I can respond she gently flicks at my entrance with the tip of her tongue. I start moaning again and I can feel my orgasm building. Then she wraps her lips over my entrance and starts to suck. I arch my back and try to buck my hips but she still has a good hold on me. God, she's really strong. I wonder if she's a-oh God!

"Uuunnngggghhhh," I moan loudly. "Oh God, oh God, oh God, right there, a little harder," I tell her as she rubs against my G-spot with her tongue. She increases the pressure and I lose control. I start screaming and moaning and shaking all over as my orgasm rips through me. I don't even know what I'm saying, but I can't stop. It's been so fucking long since I've had one this good. So fucking long since I've felt someone else's touch. I feel her shift around on the bed and lies down next to me and gently sucks on my neck. I think she might have a little bit of a neck fetish goin on. When I come down from my high I slowly open my eyes and I slow my breathing down. I can feel the sweat coating my skin start to cool and it feels a little gross.

"You ok, baby?" she asks and gently kisses my neck. She's not sucking on it anymore and I'm glad. I don't want too many hickies. I nod my head yes and I turn my head so I can reach her lips with mine. She just gave me the best orgasm I've had in a good long while, it's only right that I at least try to return the favor. I've only been with one other woman before and I don't know if...if...what is her name? I know it starts with a G, or maybe a J. Oh well, I don't know if this person is going to like what I can do. But I suppress my fears and nervousness and kiss her deeper. She moans into my mouth and I feel her hand snake it's way into my hair and she gently massages my scalp. I try to roll her over onto her back but she puts her hand on my shoulder and pulls back from the kiss.

"No, no baby. I stay on top, alright?" she says and the look in her eyes hardens just a little bit. Great, leave it up to me to bring home a redhead with control issues. Isn't there a saying about redheads and that all of them are control freaks with a fiery temper and once they get their claws into you they never let go? I don't know. And I'm a little too busy to really care right now. She kisses me again and gently pushes me onto my back again. But then she breaks the kiss and straddles my waist. She smiles at me and gently caresses my stomach and then my breasts. I start moaning again and my nipples get ever harder. But then she stops and now her hands are gone. I open my eyes and she's smiling a devilish smile.

"Sorry baby, didn't mean to tease but it's my turn now." Then she grabs onto my wrist and puts my hand on her strong stomach. I can feel the muscles rippling under my touch as I softly brush my fingertips across the hot skin. I'm barely touching her and I love the way her body is reacting to me. I move my hand lower and her breathing is starting to quicken. "Hurry up baby," she says a little impatiently. I do what she says 'cause I don't wanna make her mad now that I'm starting to think she's a slayer. A normal human would never have been able to hold my hips down like that. But I'll ask her about it after, maybe not even at all. It doesn't matter because I'm never going to see her again. Well, I might see her, this town is pretty small, but we'll never be together again.

"That's it baby," she says when my fingers finally brush between her legs. I put my middle finger in between her folds, my index and ring finger on either side and I gently explore. I feel something, it feels like...metal? Holy shit, she has a piercing. I start to toy with it a little. I gently tug at it and her hips start to rock and she closes her eyes. She leans forward and holds herself up with one hand on each side of my head. Her breathing is getting heavier and her breasts are jiggling a little. I can't help but smile at that. I lean up as far as I can and gently suck on her hard nipple and enter her with my two middle fingers. She grunts loudly and starts to grind against my hand.

"That's it baby. Don't hold back on me. Fuck me harder." I'm pretty sure my neighbors heard that. But I don't care. I don't have to move my hand any faster because she starts grinding her hips harder, taking complete control of the situation. Yep, a control freak, that's what I picked up tonight. Oh well, at least now I can slack off a little bit and it won't really matter. As long as she comes and then goes everything will be fine. Wow, when did I get like this? I have no idea but I don't like it. Ok, I need to focus here. I start pumping my hand harder and I add another finger. She starts grunting harder, her breathing is even quicker and I swear I can hear her heartbeat. I feel her walls contracting against my fingers so hard I think there's gonna be bruises.

Then she throws her head back, her hair is bouncing around her shoulders and she looks so beautiful as she comes. I feel the gush of it rush onto my hand and she squeezes tight and holds me inside of her. I try to move my fingers but I can't. She lets out one more grunt and she slides off of me and lies down by my side. I look over at her and I can't help but smile at the satisfied look on her face. I did that, I put that look there. I lean in and give her a kiss on the lips. Now that we've both been satisfied, for tonight at least, I'm really fuckin tired, and she doesn't look like she's going to be moving any time soon. I wrap my arms around her and give her neck a little kiss as I snuggle in closer to her. It feels good not to fall asleep alone.

I wake up to the sound of the shower. What the hell? I open my eyes but slam them shut when the sunlight violates my vision. What the fuck happened last night? Let's see, I went out to the club, met that redhead...Gia?...I can't remember her name. But we came back here. And my fucking car was towed! God dammit. I don't know how I'm going to talk Giles into giving me that much money without telling him what it's for. Maybe I should get a job or something so I can pay for it myself. No, that'll take too long and plus if I did that I'd have to put Matthew in daycare and that'll cost a lot. Either that or Faith would have to watch him during the week. Weekends are enough.

I look over when I hear the shower shut off. Seriously what is her name? This is gonna bug the hell outta me. I know it starts with either a G or a J. I'm just not sure which one. I'll just ask, if it's brought up. She'll probably just want to get her stuff and leave. And her stuff is all over the living room too. And in the hallway. Maybe I should go get her stuff for her so she doesn't have to look for it. I think that would be a little rude if I make her do it. I am the one that threw it all over the place. I should probably go put on some coffee too. And make some breakfast. I've never done this whole one nighter thing, knowing that it's just a one nighter that is. Parker was an ass who strung me along. But me and...Georgia?...both know that this is just a one time deal. So should I make her breakfast? She did give me something great last night. Yeah, I think I'll go do that right now before she gets out of the bathroom. Damn, too late. She walks out of my bathroom wrapped up in a towel.

"Hey baby," she says and walks over to the bed and sits down next to me. I smile and lean up to meet her halfway in a kiss. It's slow and tender and kinda short because she pulls back and looks into my eyes and smiles. "I woke up a while ago and I made some breakfast. I hope you don't mind." I smile at her and hold onto her hand. She's so sweet. I figured she'd want to get the hell out of here, isn't that how these things work? But she stuck around and she even made me breakfast.

"No, I don't mind." I don't know for a fact that she made some for me. She just said that she made breakfast, she could have just made it for herself. "I take it you wanna get outta here?" She wrinkles her eyebrows a little bit. "Now that you've had breakfast I guess you just wanna go?" Then smiles and shakes her head.

"Baby, it's not like that. I made some for both of us. I haven't had any yet. I couldn't find the coffee or else I would've made some." Fuck, that's right we're out of coffee. I mean, I'm out of coffee, since I'm the only one in this house that drinks coffee. I sit up and hold the blankets around my chest. I guess there's no point. I mean she was sucking on my breasts last night. But I've always been modest I guess. I was the same way with Fai...everyone I've slept with.

"I have some stuff you can change into if you want." I tell her and she smiles and looks down at herself. How does she look this good? I probably look like hell and she looks like she was just beaten with a pretty stick. "I can get it for you. I have some shorts and a shirt, it's really baggy. I bought a few of 'em, ya know, to wear around the house when I don't feel like wearing anything else." She smiles and says something about loungin around clothes and then kisses me deep. I wrap my arms around her back and try to pull her closer to me but she pulls back with a smile.

"So where are the shirts?" her voice sounds a little gravely. I point to the drawer and she gets up and walks over to the dresser. I look at the picture on my nightstand and pick it up while she looks through them. It was taken at Matthew's birthday party. Me and Faith tried so hard to get along that day for Matthew's sake. We didn't fight until we got home from the park. Matthew had gone over to Willow and Kennedy's because I knew we were going to fight as soon as we got home. I didn't want Matthew to hear it.

"You don't have to do this," I tell her and she looks at me with a questioning expression on her face. She's holding up two of the baggy shirts from the drawer. There's a dark blue one and a pink one. I sigh and put the picture back on the nightstand. "Being nice, pretending to care. I'll understand if you just want to leave." She gives me a sexy smile and walks back over to the bed, she puts a little more sway to her hips. I smile back and scoot down a little further on the bed.

"Well, I was thinking that we could have breakfast together and then afterwards I could have you for a little after breakfast snack 'cause you were so tasty last night." She leans down and kisses me. She runs the tip of her tongue over my bottom lip and I open my mouth and invite her in. I cup the back of her neck with my hands and I start to pull her on top of me. She does this swirly thing with her tongue and I moan into her mouth. I'm almost fully on my back when she pulls back.

"No, baby. Breakfast first ok?" I smile and nod my head yes. She really is quite the control freak. So we get up and slip on the shirts, she takes the dark blue one but I put the pink back and put on a black one. I really don't feel like wearing pink right now. We go into the kitchen and she pulls the plates out of the microwave. She put them in there to keep the food warm. It looks pretty good. Fried eggs, toast, hash browns, bacon. Just your standard breakfast stuff. She hands me a fork and we eat our breakfast without talking much. I'll compliment her every once in a while but it doesn't really lead to a conversation. When we finish I take the dishes over to the sink. Might as well let them soak for a while. So I'm running the hot water over the plates when I feel her wrap her strong arms around me and then I feel her soft, full lips kissing my neck.

I shut off the water and turn around in her arms. I kiss her hard on the mouth and wrap my hands around her back and pull her body against mine. She does that swirly thing again and I start moaning and grinding myself against her. I feel her hands rubbing my sides over the shirt and she pushes me up against the counter. I feel her right hand work its way in between our bodies and she slowly makes her way from my stomach down to where I need her most. I pull back from the kiss when I feel her fingers softly brush my slick lips and I moan really loud. She doesn't waist any time and she enters me with two fingers.

"Oh God yes," I moan out and pump my hips against her. We start up a slow rhythm and she leans down so she can suck on my neck. I feel her other hand reach around behind me and she lifts me up a little and I wrap my legs around her waist, which makes everything so much easier. She starts to suck on my throat and she gently scrapes her teeth across my sensitive flesh. I'm so fucking close. Just oh so close and as soon as she's done with me I'm going to sit her up on the counter and eat her because I didn't get to taste her last night. But then every muscle in my body freezes when I hear someone over to my right clear their throat. I open my eyes and slowly turn my head and see...oh fuck. Busted.

(End flashback)

FPOV

"Here ya go you ol' geezer," I tell Tucker and put his water bowl on the ground in front of him. He starts to lap up the water very loudly and almost chokes once or twice. I'm going to have to stop walking him as much. He just can't take it anymore. We give him the medicine the vet prescribed but it doesn't really help. I think I should take him back in or something, maybe get a stronger dosage of the medicine. "Alright, come on." He's done with the water now. I open up the backdoor and walk in first and he has a little bit of trouble walkin up the two steps but he manages. I shut and lock the backdoor then put his leash in the drawer that has most of his stuff.

I pop my neck 'cause it was feelin a little tight and then I stretch my arms above my head as I walk into the living room. I stop cold when I see B sittin on the couch, the T.V. is on but she's not payin any attention to it. She has a blanket wrapped around her pretty tight and she has some tears slowly creepin down her face but she's not wipin them away. It's like she doesn't even know they're there. But it's the look in her eyes that's freakin me out the most. There's so much pain and I'm pretty sure she's pissed at herself right now. Why? I got no fuckin clue but I think she is. I walk over and sit down next to her and put my hand on her arm.

"Hey B, what's the matter baby?" I ask and she snaps out of whatever little world her mind had gone to. She looks at me and wipes her tears away but she doesn't say anything. She looks down at her hands and she keeps her gaze there. What is goin on inside of that head of hers? "Buffy, please. You can tell me anything, remember?" She nods her head yes but she doesn't say anything. "I'll try to understand, you know I will." She nods her head again and she inhales deeply and holds her breath for a few seconds and then lets it out really slow.

"I was just thinking," her voice sounds pretty fuckin strained. Maybe I should go get her some water or somethin. "About the time we broke up, and the first time you dropped Matthew off because Xander was out of town or something like that." Why the fuck is she thinkin about that? "Please don't get mad." She's lookin at me now and I guess she saw my expression darken a little and she sounds so fuckin desperate, like she thinks I'm gonna hit her or somethin. I never wanna hear her voice sound like that again. "I don't want to think about it but...I dunno, I just can't stop." I sigh and wrap my arms around her and she leans against me. I remember the break up too. I remember all of it and it fuckin sucked.

(flashback)

I can't believe her. I can't believe she kicked me out of our fuckin house! What the fuck was she thinking? Who fuckin knows what she's thinkin anymore. She's probably gone totally fuckin insane. This is all her fault, ya know. If she hadn't turned into such a bitch then we wouldn't have fought like we did. But she had to keep yappin her mouth like one of those little fuckin ankle biter dogs until I couldn't fuckin stand it anymore and I fuckin yelled at her. The first fight was all it took. We said way too many fuckin things that can't be forgiven and we both refused to forget, so the one fight turned into at least three a day and now I'm here.

I was stayin at Red and Kennedy's for a while but seein them bein so fuckin happy all the damn time I just couldn't stand it. Plus Red is B's best friend so she's bias and was on B's side and Kennedy fuckin whipped as hell so I bounced outta there before they started fightin 'cause of me. Me and Xander relate better then him and B, so he tends to lean towards my side a little more. So he's lettin me stay in his guest room, well my room now I guess. I've been stayin out of their way 'cause they wanna start a family but before they have the kid they wanna redecorate everything and Katie's been doin a lot of planning and I don't wanna get in her way 'cause that woman is meaner then the devil incarnate.

So I just stay in my room most of the time. I eat meals with 'em but only when they ask me to, otherwise I just eat back here. I keep the room clean 'cause that's the polite thing to do, I guess. They're lettin me stay here for free, the least I could do is keep the room nice. I don't watch a lot of T.V. even though I got one back here. Nope, I sleep, I shower, I eat and then I drink. And drink, and drink, and drink. But it's gettin a little better, I'm down to six bottles a day. Well, not every day. It's starts on Sunday, late in the day, and once the pain isn't as bad I'll stop and just sit in my room and think about better times. But on Thursday I don't have any. I throw all the bottles out and I make sure the room is nice and aired out so it won't smell like it 'cause Friday morning Xander goes and gets my boy.

I can't believe that bitch will only let me see him on the weekends. And not even the whole weekend. Most of Friday, all of Saturday and some of Sunday. That isn't a whole weekend. That fuckin bitch just wants him all to herself. If I hadn't been the one to call I wouldn't see him at all. There's no way she would've called me to set somethin up. And it's not like I can argue about the schedule 'cause if she wants to she can take him away for good. She can move or something and take him with her and there's not a fuckin thing I'd be able to do about it. I can't take her to court to fight for joint custody 'cause the family court system doesn't know that two woman can make a kid. They'll look at the birth records and see that B gave birth and then they'll give him to her and then I'll never see him again.

We don't do much over here except for sleep. I take him to the part mostly and we play and hang out. Or I'll take him to the movies and then we'll go out for dinner or somethin. He always asks too many questions about the house if we stay at Xander's. It's easier to distract him from things I don't wanna talk about when we're out doin something. I wanna take him to the coast, just get away from everything for a few days. I wanna take him to Bodega Bay, camp out by the beach, maybe teach him how to fish. If we go I'm gonna take him to Jenner beach to see the seals 'cause they like to hang out there. I know he'd like that. But I won't be able to do any of that without askin B first. 'Cause if I take him we'll be gone for longer then the weekend, I'd wanna go for a week. Leave early on a Friday morning and then come back the next Friday.

She'll never go for it. She'll probably think I'm gonna steal him away or something. Pack all my shit in the car and take him with me. Like I'd ever do that. I'd only ever do that if I had a good fuckin reason to. And B isn't abusing him so I don't have a good fuckin reason. I couldn't keep him from her, that'd be way too cruel. Even if she's the one that kicked me out it doesn't matter. He needs her as much as he needs me. And she needs him as much as I need him. So I can't leave because I know if I did and took him with me she'd die, or hunt me down and kill me and then take him back. Either way someone's dyin and it wouldn't be fair for him.

I can't believe I didn't sign those damn papers. We went through all the fuckin trouble to get 'em, paid a lot of money for 'em and they're really fuckin important, but nope. B wouldn't leave me alone long enough for me to fuckin sign 'em. If I did I would be able to take her ass to court and get more time with him and there'd be nothing she could do about it. She wouldn't be able to keep him from me outta spite or else the judge would give him to me or somethin. I don't know exactly how it works 'cause everyone I know got sent to live with their moms 'cause their dads were dead beats. So I don't know how a custody arrangement works or what happens when one person breaks it.

Right now she's only lettin me see him 'cause she knows he needs me, but how long will it be until she stops caring? I know her good enough to know that she doesn't want me to see him at all, so what happens when she gets sick of sending him over here? What happens when she wants to do something with him on the weekend and she doesn't let me see him at all. Even if it's just that one week I don't think I'd be able to handle it. I can barely handle the situation as it is. But I'm tryin to deal.

Even though I'm callin her a bitch and shit like that I don't really think that, well, at least not a lot. I still love her, I'm still in love with her. I want her back but she won't take me. I haven't tried talkin to her yet because she's still pissed at me for all the things I said to her. But it was all defensive stuff. She attacked the drinking problem that I used to have, said I was pretty fuckin close to becomin my mom. She didn't say those words exactly. No, it was somethin like 'and look at you now, twenty-six years old and you're a fuckin drunk. Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, does it?' She burnt me so I burnt back. I'd say somethin about her fucking Spike or somethin about Angel 'cause I know those two things hurt her the most.

But it's all over now. I'm livin at Xander's and she's forgetting all about me while I'm drinking myself stupid. One of these days I'm gonna pass out and not wake up at all. Either drink myself to death or into a coma. Maybe that would make it all better. If I die this all goes away. No more pain, no more suffering, no more thinkin about B and how much I miss her. No more wishing she'd take me back, no more drinking until I pass out, no more tears because corpses can't cry, can't worry, can't feel pain. But I can't kill myself 'cause if I do I'll never see Mattie again. Never get to teach him all the things that B can't. God, what the fuck have I become? I never thought I'd ever see the day I'd think about killin myself 'cause a girl dumped me. Then again I never thought I'd be in a relationship or become a mother. So I guess anything is possible.

"Mama," I hear him whine and I roll over onto my other side. For the last hour or so I've been starin at the wall, thinking all those thoughts you just read. The bed's a full size so there's plenty of room for me and him. He doesn't have his own room over here 'cause this house is a three bedroom and Katie is plannin on turning the third into a nursery so the floor is all torn up where she wants new hardwood floors and shit like that. So me and Mattie share this room. I don't have a lot of stuff for him over here. He has two drawers and some stuff hangin in the closet and a box full of toys in the corner of the room, and some books are in the nightstand drawer but that's it.

"Mama my tummy hurts." I'm not surprised. He got into an egg roll eating contest with Xander last night. Mattie can be very competitive, and I'm proud that he is, but last night he ate ten egg rolls and won by a landslide. Xander was only able to eat four. These egg rolls are pretty big, so Mattie ate a little over five pounds of grease, cabbage, egg, and some other vegetables, and some little bits of chicken. And this was after he had seven fried shrimp, ten pieces of sweet and sour pork, almost a whole pound of noodles and chow mein, and five fortune cookies. He was in some real fuckin pain last night, had to give him some medicine to calm his stomach down. He almost got sick a couple times but he held it all in.

"Well yeah it does, you ate way too much food last night," I tell him and look into his eyes. I guess he's still in some pain. His stomach is bloated about three times it's normal size. I really don't wanna be in the room when all that gas decides to come out. Yep, really, really don't wanna be in the room. Maybe I can send him and Xander to the store or somethin to pick up some ice cream or somethin. Nah, that'd be too mean. Mattie would get way too embarrassed. He's at that stage now where he gets embarrassed about stuff. He doesn't worry too much about Xander, he's never really like Xander and I can't figure out why. But if he goes into a store and all that gas comes out he'd probably hide in the back storage room and never come out.

"Come here." I hold up my arm and he scoots closer to me and snuggles in with his back pressed against me and I wrap my arm around him. I don't really have much in the way of sleep wear so all he's wearin right now is some sweat pants, and his Spiderman underwear. I really need to do some shopping for him. But where would I put it all? I could put the box of toys in the closet and then buy like a big storage bin or something to put his clothes in. I'll have to go to Target on Monday or something and check it out. I give him a little kiss on his temple and run my fingers through his hair with my other hand. "I love you more then anything in the world, did you know that?" He shakes his head no.

"Do you love me more then Mommy?" he asks in a...scared voice? Is he afraid I'm going to get mad? I can't believe he just asked that but I'm not mad. Surprised, shocked, and confused but not mad. I guess it's safe to say that I do love him more then B. I'd die to save either one in a heartbeat, but if I ever have to choose between them I'd have to choose Mattie. And it's not because B broke my heart or anything like that. I'd feel the same way if we were still together and happy. I'd never get over it if B died. I'd never be with anyone else, I'd mourn her everyday, but if Mattie died, I'd die, there's no getting around it. But I love both of them differently. Mattie's my son and B is...was my everything else. I sigh and try to think of way to explain this 'cause I don't think I'm doin a great job explain it to you, so how the hell am I gonna explain it to him? I guess lying is the easiest way out of this one because he's too young to understand.

"I love Mommy a lot. I love her more then I love myself and the world. But I love you just a tiny bit more." I make sure to keep my tone light and upbeat to reassure him that he didn't ask anything bad and that I'm not mad at him or anything like that. "But don't tell her ok? It's our little secret." He nods his head yes and rolls over so he's lying on his back. I put my head back on my pillow and stare at the wall on the other side of the room. How am I gonna make things better? How am I gonna bet B to take me back? I want to be with her so fuckin bad that it hurts, it physically hurts and I don't know how much more of it I can take.

"Mama?" he asks and I let out a little 'yeah?' but my voice sounds distant. I look at his face I can't tell he's havin a hard time figuring out exactly how he wants to word the question he's gonna ask. "You and Mommy aren't together anymore..." Ouch. Jeez, way to pour salt on the wound. "And when Chrissy's mommy moved away she got a new mommy. Chrissy said she's a step-mommy. How come I don't have a step-mommy?" B has got to stop taking him to the park to play with the other kids. How the fuck am I going to explain this? I sigh and roll over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. We're both lyin in the exact same position: one hand above the head and the fingertips are lightly stroking the hair. The other hand on the stomach, and our legs are straight. This is my favorite 'thinking' position. I guess it is for him too.

"You don't have a step-mommy because I haven't met anyone else that I can fall in love with. I don't know if your mommy's met anyone, you'll have to ask her." I think that's the best way to explain it. I don't want to tell him that I'm pining over Buffy 'cause he'll tell her that and I don't want her thinkin I'm pathetic even though I am. And I don't want to use Mattie to find out what's goin on in B's life. We only talk about her when he brings her up and even then I keep it short and change the subject very quickly. But I'm curious, so sue me. "Has your mommy met anyone else? Has she made a grown up friend that she spends a lot of time with?" I look over at him and his eyebrows knit together.

"No. I don't think so. She talks on the phone a lot with a girl named Sissy." My jaw clenches and my fists grip the sheets hard enough to almost rip them. Sissy Ronalds is an intern at the slayer facility in Cleveland. She's in fuckin love with Buffy, or it's just a really strong crush or something and if B's talkin to her a lot then they might be plannin on hooking up or something. I have no doubt in my mind that Sissy would try to worm her way into B's life even more then she already is. They e-mail each other a lot and talk on the phone every once in a while, but now that I'm gone it looks like Sissy's plannin on making her move or something. I can't think about this anymore or it'll drive me insane.

"I don't wanna go back home," he says and wraps his arm around my stomach. It's Sunday morning right now. He's going back to Buffy's today. In a few hours actually. Xander usually drops him off at noon but I'm not going to until one. Xander had to go out of town last night so I have to drop him off. He tried callin B last night but she must've gone to bed early or somethin 'cause she didn't answer the phone. Maybe she was takin a bubble bath or something.

I remember when we were still together when she needed a night alone I'd take Mattie out to a movie and then out to dinner and B would stay home and spend an hour or two in the bathtub. She lights candles and uses the bath salts and shuts out the overhead light and plays some soft music. It's her time to wind down. I don't even want to think about what else she could have been doing because it'll just piss me off beyond all reason. And I really don't feel like bein in a bad mood today.

"I know, but you have to. Your mommy needs you. She misses you too much." I have to hold back the tears that wanna fall. It's going to be hell dropping him off. I just hope he doesn't cry 'cause if he does I don't think I'll be able to leave. And if I don't leave fast enough me and B will probably start fighting. And I don't want to fight with her anymore. Maybe if I just take it all she'll stop? Maybe if I don't fight back, don't say anything back she'll realize how big of a bitch she's being and she'll stop and we can finally sit down and work through everything? "But I'm going to drop you off today, so you'll have plenty of time to say goodbye. And uncle Xander is picking you up on Friday." I don't wanna mention takin a trip down to Bodega until I've talked to B about it. I don't wanna get Mattie's hopes up or anything.

"Let's go get some breakfast ok?" I ask and he nods his head yes. He slowly gets out of the bed and heads for the bathroom. I sit up in the bed and look around the room. What the fuck am I doing here? I don't belong here. I should be with Buffy, but she doesn't want me. How am I going to show her that I can do better? I gotta stop the drinkin for one thing. I know she isn't gonna take me back if she knows that I'm just provin her right. I don't know what else I can do. I should apologize but she's not gonna wanna hear that. I know she won't. She's too damn stubborn. I get up and slip on some jeans. It's been too hot to sleep in anything other then a white beater and some underwear. I only wear clothes to bed when Mattie comes over.

I go out into the kitchen and rummage through the fridge. What am I gonna make for breakfast? Eggs sound good. Oh, omelets sound great. Cheese omelets with ham. Yummy. So I pull out the entire bin of eggs, there's about two dozen in here. Well, that'll be enough for me but what is Mattie gonna eat? I'm just playin. I always use ten eggs and almost too much cheese. But since Mattie isn't feelin too good I guess three eggs with a little cheese with be good. I guess I'll fix his first. I pull out a bowl and expertly crack open three eggs and pour 'em into the bowl. Then I grab and fork out of the drawer and whip 'em up.

So back to the Buffy situation. How the hell am I gonna win her back? I need to know if she's interested or not. I doubt she is but I gotta try. I don't wanna seem like a stalker or nothin so no flowers until I know for sure if she wants me back. Maybe I should talk to her when I drop Mattie off. She won't fight in front of him, she never has. We always fought in our bedroom, or in the living room when Mattie was in his bedroom. But as soon as Mattie walked in she'd storm off. He always thought that she was mad at him because she'd leave right when he'd walk into the room. I'd probably think the same thing if I were him. But is she gonna listen to what I have to say? She's a Summers woman, which means she's stubborn so there's very little chance.

After breakfast me and Mattie just hang out. His stomach is still a little upset and Katie when shopping so we have the house to ourselves. So we just sit around in our pjs and watch T.V. Not much else to do around here. He's still too young to play video games or else we'd be playin Mortal Combat right now. So we're sittin around watchin cartoons. It's about time to get ready to leave though. He had a bath last night so I don't have to worry about that. But he needs to get dressed and I need to comb his hair. Yep, I'm going to do that right now...any second now and we'll be ready to go...ok, we really do need to get ready.

I just pulled up in the driveway at B's place. Just lookin at the house is bringing back a lot of memories. Mostly good ones, some bad. Maybe dropping him off myself was a bad idea. I keep askin myself if she's ready to see me, I never even considered the possibility if I'm ready to see her or not. Might be too painful. I might start crying. I might beg for her to take me back and the last thing I'm gonna do is beg. If she won't take me back then that's fine, she can be a stubborn ass, but I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of seein me beg.

I get out of the car and help Mattie out of his car seat. Hmm, one of the neighbors must've parked their car in front of the fence again. They do that sometimes when their kids visit from college. It must be a new one 'cause I've never seen it before. It's like a gold-ish Toyota Yaris. Ugly as fuck, why would anyone wanna buy one of those? Mattie holds onto my hand and we walk onto the porch. She's changed it around a little. She put up some new wind chimes, and there's a new doorknob. She changed the fuckin locks. I can't believe her. Does she really think I'm going to break in or something? What a fucking bitch. I knock on the door but there's no answer. Then again I didn't knock very loud. So I knock again, a little louder this time and I wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. What the fuck is she doing in there? Is she even home? Her car isn't in the driveway but sometimes she puts it in the garage. I test the doorknob, it isn't locked so she's probably home.

I open the door and step inside. She may not want me here, I may not live here anymore but Mattie does and if she left and forgot to lock the door then we'll wait until she gets back. As soon as I walk in the door I know somethin isn't right. Two shirts are on the couch, but they aren't laid out or anything. No, someone tossed 'em over there. One of 'em is B's, I recognize it. It's dark blue with sparkles all over it. The other one is a really dark red with little spaghetti straps. My foot bumps into something and I look down. Two pairs of shoes, one of em are B's, her black clubbin shoes. The others are red strappy sandals, and the straps are broken. Someone wanted out of those really fuckin fast. I wonder why? And yes that was sarcastic.

I can hear the water runnin in the kitchen and I can see two shadows. Mattie tries to walk further into the house but I stop him. I silently close the door and motion for him to stay. As I walk closer to the kitchen I glance down the hallway and there's more clothes. In the hall is a bra, right outside my old bedroom door is somethin else, maybe a skirt. I hear the water shut off and then a light smacking sound. Definitely kissing. But who is B mackin on? Well, I'm about to find out. I turn the corner and look into the kitchen. A tall redhead, probably three inches taller then me, has B pressed up against the counter. B's arms are wrapped around the other chick's back and she's humpin against her pretty fuckin hard, and this ginger girl is rubbin B's sides. Her fuckin paws are all over her.

Then one of her hands goes in between their bodies and it slowly slides down B's stomach until it's at her pussy. B pulls back from the kiss and moans really fuckin loud. Her eyes are closed so she doesn't see me standin here watching. I wonder if she's imagining that skank is me? I wonder if she's pretending those are my fingers slowly rubbin on her clit. Her eyes are closed so there's a good change that I'm right. B always keeps her eyes opened so she can look into my eyes and watch me while I make her come. She wants that redhead to be me. She wants me, she's just too stubborn to admit it.

"Oh God yes," B moans when this bitch sticks her fingers inside her. It takes about a minute but they start up a rhythm, it's really fuckin slow but I can tell B is pretty close. Then this bitch reaches down and lifts B up a little bit and Buffy wraps her legs around this skank's waist. B's moanin louder now. She's so fuckin close. I can tell just by lookin at her facial expression. Should I let her come? Nah, I don't think I should. So, I stand up a little straighter run a hand through my hair and then clear my throat. B fuckin freezes instantly, the redhead stops a couple seconds later. B opens her eyes and slowly looks over at me. The first expression on her face is shame, like when a little kid gets caught with its hand down a cookie jar. Then raw hatred and anger. All I do is raise an eyebrow. B pushes back on the skank's shoulder and she backs up and lets B down, then she washes her hands off while B glares at me.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Her voice is harsh enough to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up but I don't let my expression change. I cross my arms over my chest and give her a challenging look. She gets into her infamous stance and I know she's pissed. Shoulder's squared, feet shoulder length part, hands on her hips, pissed off expression on her face. Oh yeah, that's my B.

"Oh ya know, not much. I was just in the neighborhood so I thought I'd stop by and drop Mattie off, but I can see you're busy so we'll be on our way." She gets a look of panic on her face and she glances over at the clock on the microwave. She must've woken up pretty late if she thinks it's still morning.

"Like hell, you're not taking him anywhere." I raise an eyebrow at her and she takes a step forward. Oh, so she wants a fight does she? We haven't had a battle in a really long time. I wonder who'll come out on top? Doesn't matter, all I know is Mattie isn't stayin here with this skank.

"I'm sure as hell not gonna leave him here while you fuck this skank. I'm his mom too B, did you forget that? You don't control every fuckin thing about him. If you thought I was bringin girls back to my place would you send him over?" Her expression hardens a little bit.

"You know I wouldn't. But I don't really have to worry about that because I know you back to their place for a good fuck. You'd never bring someone back to Xander's." She really thinks I've been fucking strangers again? I know I've been hitting the booze pretty hard but I haven't touched anyone. I haven't gone out, I haven't gotten some so there's no need to have gotten gone.

"I haven't been with anyone Buffy. If you don't believe me just ask Xander. I don't leave the house at night. Now enjoy your skank 'cause we're leaving." I turn around and walk towards the living room but I feel B's hand on my shoulder and she whips me around and she gets right in my face.

"You're not taking him! You get him on the weekends and that's it! Now get your fucking ass out of my house!" I push her back and try as hard as I can not to punch her in the face, but the temptation is so fucking big, you have no idea.

"I'm not going to leave him here the morning after you bring some skank home. Fuck Buffy, you didn't even know I was gonna be the one to drop him off, and you call me a fuckin dead beat?" That was one of the things she used to call me to piss me off. A dead beat because my voice always got so much louder then B's and after a big fight Mattie didn't want anything to do with me 'cause he heard the words I had said to B. Buffy thought I was just ignoring him so she started callin me a dead beat. And now I'm the one callin her it and she gets pissed. She grabs me by my shoulders and slams me up against the wall.

"How dare you, you fucking bitch. Do you know why I keep him for so long? Do you know why I only let him see you two days out of the week? You wanna take a guess?" Well, she asked for it.

"'Cause you're selfish and you know the only way to really hurt me is to keep him from me?" It's a question but it sounds more like a statement and I sound really pissed. The look in B's eyes hardens a little bit and her grip on me tightens. I'm not going to fight back physically. She can beat my ass until I'm almost dead and I won't fight back. I'm about ninety-nine percent sure that she won't kill me so here's hopin.

"No, because he deserves so much better then a drunken loser, that's why. He deserves better then you, Faith, because all you do is sit around on your ass and get drunk. I've said it once and I'll say it again, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." That's it I'm not takin this anymore. She wants a fight I'll give her a fuckin fight. I grab her by the shoulders and launch myself forward. We fall to the ground and I'm on top of her, holding her down. It's a completely accident, honestly, but my thigh goes in between hers and it presses strongly against her pussy and she groans. Well, now isn't that interesting?

"I drink to forget about what you did to me." She struggles to get away but I tighten my grip. She's going to listen to this whether she wants to or not. "Every fuckin day is the same. Emptiness and pain, and you put it there! You kicked me out, you took away everything that means something to me, and you expect me to what? Just move on? Do you really think it's easy for me to send him back here every damn Sunday? Well it's not. My insides get ripped into little shreds and it's all your fuckin fault. If you had just tried a little harder when I was finally ready we could have worked this shit out. And you call me a dead beat? Take a look around Buffy. I throw out the bottles so he won't see 'em, but you don't even have the decency to clean up after a long night of getting fucked!" She's struggling harder now and I tighten my grip even more. There's probably gonna be bruises.

"Get off, Faith, get off me!" I can smell her. She likes that I'm on top of her. She likes that my body is pressed up against her. I see the look in her eyes. She isn't scared or angry, she's turned on. I guess I was right when I said she was pretending the redhead was me. "Faith get off!" She kicks her legs and her hips buck. I feel her hot center rub against my leg and I hear a moan in the back of her throat. I think she's the one that wants to get off. She still wants me so maybe there is a chance after all. I get off of her and hold out my hand to help her up but she doesn't take it.

"I'll take him out for a little while so you can get the place cleaned up and you can get a shower and send the skank home. But when I get back we need to have a serious talk, you got that?" She nods her head and pulls her shirt down. I turn around that the skank is sitting on the loveseat comforting my boy. Fuck, I can't believe we did that in front of him. Dammit! I can't believe that skank has her hands on my boy. I should fuckin rip 'em off. "Come on Mattie, we're goin to the park for a little while, alright?" He sucks in a deep breath and nods his head yes. He's cryin though, sobbing and tears are spilling down his flushed cheeks. Damn, I can't believe we did that. But when we get back things are going to get better. We just need to be honest with each other and everything will work itself out. Here's hopin.

(End flashback)

BPOV

"I didn't sleep with her to hurt you." It's been years since we separated and I slept with that redhead but we never really dealt with it. That afternoon when Faith got back with Matthew we sat down and talked and realized we still wanted to be together and we worked out most of our differences but we never talked about Ginny, and we never talked about the months we were apart. It was like it never happened. "I didn't think we were going to get back together and I just…wanted to move on. But I never meant for you to find out like that." And I didn't. I would have told her that I slept with someone else, not to hurt her, but to let her know that I was moving on with my life and she should do the same.

"I know," she says and gently rubs the back of my hand with her thumb. "I'm not gonna lie, it hurt. It hurt a lot." I turn my head a little and give her a kiss on her neck. She's holding me from behind and our hands are on my stomach. This is the most comfortable position we can be in because I'm as big as a bloated cow. "It's not your fault, it's not like you knew I wanted to get back together. For all you knew I was seein a different person every night of the week." More tears slip out of my eyes followed by more sniffling. I wish I weren't so hormonal.

"But that's all past stuff now," I tell her and she nods her head. How is she not crying? This is upsetting stuff here. But I guess that's the difference between me and Faith, she can hide her emotions much better. "I mean, that was years ago, and look at where we are now. I can't speak for the both of us but I'm still head over heels for you." She smiles and gives me a little kiss. That's her way of saying that she still loves me. It would be nice to hear it but I'm not going to push for it. She says it a lot more then she used to so I'm not going to worry too much about it.

"I love you so much." See, I knew she'd say it sooner or later. "I really don't know what I would have done if you hadn't taken me back." Ok, I really wanna stop talking about this now. It's upsetting the baby too. I can feel him moving around more then he usually does. He doesn't like it when I'm upset. "But it's past, like you said. Let's just forget it ok?" Sounds like a plan to me. She gives me another kiss and I wrap the blanket a little tighter around me. I'm not cold or anything, this is purely a comfort issue. Faith can't wrap her arms around me as much as she used to be able to so the blanket is helping me feel secure.

Faith starts to lightly kiss my cheeks and neck. She's not trying to turn me on or anything, I think she just needs to feel me. She isn't as secure as she wants everyone to think. She has her issues too and I guess this was another one. I feel terrible that I hurt her. I never meant to do that. I really did just want to move on, to try and forget about her but it didn't work. Even though I hated her at the time, I still loved her. You can only hate the ones you love I guess, or however the saying goes. I sigh heavily and I feel her smile against the skin of my neck. I look over towards the hall when I see something out of the corner of my eye and Matthew is standing there, watching us. Shit, how long was he standing there? How much did he hear? Ok, don't freak, just play it cool.

"Hey Sweetie," I say and make eye contact with him. He doesn't look upset so maybe he didn't hear us talking about my 'relations' with that other woman. And he'll know what we were talking about. I didn't say anything in too much detail but he's sharp, he'll be able to figure out what I was talking about. "Couldn't sleep?" He shakes his head no and I reach my arms out towards him. He walks across the room and sits down on the couch. He hasn't said anything which is concerning. He usually talks a lot, but I guess he's tired. It's already...one in the morning. Damn, maybe we should get to bed.

"Why were you crying?" he asks and looks at me with this...intensity in his eyes that I've never seen before. He's dead serious and he's not going to leave until he gets an answer. Why does he have to be so much like Faith? Reall, would it kill him or Addison to be a little more like me? But I have to tell him something because I don't want my kids to think that I would just shrug off their questions or I won't take them seriously. Maybe if I do this now they'll be more willing to tell me stuff when they're teenagers. That's what I'm hoping for.

"I was crying because we were talking about something that happened a long time ago. Do you remember when me and your mama were fighting a lot and she moved out for a while?" He was really young so maybe he doesn't remember. He is nine now, and all that stuff happened about five years ago, maybe a little longer. So there's a good chance he won't remember. He looks down at the floor while he thinks about it. I'm kind of hoping he won't remember because I don't want him dwelling on it now that I've brought it up.

"Not really. I remember going over to uncle Xander's a lot." Well, thank God for that. Then he looks up at Faith and then to me. He looks a little...mad? "Why were you talking about it? Mama's not moving out again, is she?" Great, why don't I ever just explain everything instead of letting him draw up a conclusion that's completely wrong? I guess that's just me doing what I do best.

"No, Mattie, I'm not going anywhere. We never really talked about it when we got back together. We never really said sorry for all the fighting and being so mean to each other and since we're up so late we thought we'd do that." Wow, good explanation. And she says she's not good at explaining things. She's most likely going to be the one to give Matthew and the new baby 'the talk'. I'll talk to Addison and she can talk to the boys. I don't know how well Kyle would be in this area 'cause he's a demon and I don't know if demons develop the same as people. Probably not. Ok, let's stop talking about this now it's getting a little awkward.

"See? Everything's ok. It's late, why don't you go back to bed?" He nods his head and walks back across the room. He turns around and looks at us and then disappears down the hall. That was a little weird. I thought he was going to argue or something because he does that a lot with me. He listens to Faith a lot better, always has. I sigh and lean into Faith a little more. "Baby, it is getting late, why don't we go to bed now?" Faith kisses me a couple more times on my neck and she stands up. She holds onto my hands and helps me up off the couch because I'm a bloated cow and I have trouble standing up.

We go into the bedroom and she helps me change into my pajamas. I don't need help doing this but for some reason she wants to so I'll let her. It's silent in here, there's no words being said because there's really nothing to say. At least I don't think there is. We said all we needed to say and now we're getting ready for bed. Nope, no words needed. But it's fine, I like the quiet sometimes. We sit quietly together a lot. We'll be watching T.V. and we'll just hold each other. The T.V. doesn't even need to be on, sometimes we just hold each other and we don't say a word. Sometimes she'll sit on the floor and play one of her video games and I'll sit behind her on the couch and run my fingers through her hair and watch. We haven't been able to do that in a while because of the bed rest but that'll be all over soon, and then we won't be able to do it because we'll be too sleep deprived. Ah, the joys of parenthood.

FPOV

We've both been really quiet since we left the living room. That was a pretty close call with Mattie though. I thought for sure he heard us talking about B having sex with someone else. He would have flipped out, I know he would. We've been teaching him that sex is something that only two people who love each other do and you're not supposed to do it with anyone else. If he ever finds out about B and that redhead before he's old enough to understand all of it...I don't really want to know how he'll react.

And all this reminiscing has got me thinkin. I can't help it. But this isn't about bad times. This is about one of the best times ever. The first time me and B slept together...yeah, that was pretty fuckin good. And I'm not just talkin about the physical part of it, that was good don't get me wrong, but that was the first time sex was more then just sex for me. There were emotions goin all over the place, especially afterwards and I felt like me and B grew a lot closer because of it. I know it sounds girly or whatever but I think it's true. We were pretty much inseparable after that afternoon. I'll do a flashback so you can see what I'm talking about. You better go get some popcorn or something.

(Flashback)

I can't believe me and B just had sex. I mean, I've been wanting to since Sunnydale, but I never really thought it would happen back then. And we've been dating now for like five months or somethin like that but we've never gone passed second base. And I pulled back because I didn't want to freak her out with the whole 'sex with another woman thing' because I could tell she was really nervous about that. I was waiting for her to talk to me about it 'cause I know chicks like B usually talk about sex before actually having it. So you'll understand why I was so surprised when she started backin me up and when we ended up in the closet and she said she was trying to go to the bedroom...I thought I was gonna come right then and there.

But here we are, lying in my bed together...five minutes after we both came. And she came twice, I felt it. It was the best feeling in the entire world. Way better then I ever imagined it would be. I've thought about sex with B over a million times and I never imagined it would have been so...gentle and...loving? I'm not sure if that's the right word or not. It felt like it and I almost said it to her but I do have some control ya know. She's breathing really hard still and the sweat all over her body is starting to cool. So is mine. And even though this moment is good and I'm glad it's happening, I'm nervous. I don't know what to do. I've never done this before, the post-sex cuddles. What do I do? What do I say? Does she want to be held? Does she want to talk or just go to sleep?

I guess it doesn't really matter. I want to be quiet right now and just look at her. I don't think she's ever been so beautiful before. I know that sounds sappy but it's true. There's just so much goin on inside me right now. I've never wanted to do this before, the after sex cuddling, or talking or whatever it is people normally do. It's always just been get some get gone. But I don't want to be like that with her. I want to be better, I want to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her but I think it would sound cheapened if I did it now. I know it would sound like I'm only saying it because she wants to hear it and to get more sex.

Then she looks at me with those moss green eyes of hers and everything just melts away. No more worries, no more fear, and I just want to hold her. But I don't want to push any limits so instead of taking her into my arms I lay on my side, mimicking her position and I put my hand on her hip. This way if she wants some space she still has it and if she wants me to hold her she can just scoot over a little more. I really want her to scoot over. I don't know why but having her in my arms is one of my favorite things to do. It makes me feel...secure or whatever. But my eyebrows furrow a little when I see that she's lookin nervous.

"Was that good?" she asks in a very...timid voice. She won't look into my eyes. They're darting all over the place but she won't look at me. "You made me feel so..." she sits there for a minute or two thinking about what she wants to say. "I can't even describe how it was." By the smile on her face I'll take that as a good thing. "But for you, was that good? Because I've never done anything like that before with another woman and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to do something more then just lying there and rocking against you and-" I cut her off with a kiss. That's usually the only way to shut her up when she's on the tear like that. Then I pull back and look into her eyes.

"Don't worry so much. That was great." Then she gets this little smile on her face and a glint in her eyes. Oh boy, here we go.

"Great but not super?" She's only playing around. She likes to act like a teenage girl every once in a while and this is just one of those times. It can go on for a long time and I usually have to kiss her really deep to get her to stop.

"It was super." I feel like a jackass for just saying the word 'super'.

"Super but not fabulous?" Ok I need to end this before I regret sleeping with her. What the fuck am I talkin about? I'll never regret that.

"It was good, great, super, fabulous and every other word you can come up with to describe it." Ha, beat her at her own game. Ah look, now she's pouting. I take my hand off her hip and gently rub her arm. I don't know when it happened but we've gotten closer to each other. Our noses are only three or four inches away. "Come on B, don't pout. You know I can't resist your charms." She smiles and giggles a little bit. But now we're quiet again, just looking at each other. This is probably the longest I've ever spent talking to someone after sleeping with them. And I just got a really good idea that she's going to love because it's girly and all that other shit she likes.

"You know what we need?" I ask and she shakes her head no. She also looks a little...afraid? Does she think I want to do more? I do, actually, but I'm not going to push for it. "We need a song. One that's just our song and every time we hear it we'll think of this moment right now. That way we'll never forget it." She smiles really wide and gives me a kiss. See, told you she'd like it. But then she pulls back way too soon if you ask me.

"Trust me, I'll never forget this moment." We kiss again and this time it's slow and it feels like it lasts for hours but I don't want it to end. She starts to pull back but I follow her and I feel her smile against me. Then she turns her head to the side so I'm not kissing her cheek. Cheater. "I need to breathe ya know." Oh, ok. She is panting pretty hard. Suffocation by kissing, doesn't sound like a bad way to go.

I sit up and turn on the radio and mess with the knob until I find what I'm looking for. I lay back down next to her and get even closer then I was before. I need to feel her wrapped up in my arms, I just do. The song softly filters through the speakers and I can feel her smile against my neck. I pull back and look at her and sing the words to her. She looks like she's gonna cry. But it's a good type of crying. It's the 'I'm so happy I can't control my tears' type of crying. When the song is over I kiss her tears away and she wraps her arms around me and we just hold each other and listen to the next song. I'm not really paying attention to it though. All I can really think about is how soft her skin is. I can't wait to kiss every inch of it and show her how good it can be.

(End flashback)

"Baby, what are you thinking about?" I hear B ask and I look over at her. She's lying on her side facing me, looking at me with those green eyes of hers. God she's still so beautiful. I smile and mimic her position, just like I did all those years ago. I lean over and give her a little kiss and then leave a bunch of little butterfly kisses all over her face. She giggles a little and pulls back. "What's gotten into you? It's been a while since you've been...playful." I smile and lay my head down on my pillow again.

"Just thinking about our first time." She smiles really wide and scoots closer to me. I wrap my arms around her the best I can. It won't be long before I really will be able to hold her right. Our little baby is coming out the day after tomorrow. "You were so nervous afterwards. And then you started playin that little word game you liked to play." She laughs a little but it sounds a little fake. That's because she's tired. So I reach over and turn off my bedside table and room falls into darkness. "Let's go to sleep now, ok?" She nods her head yes and five minutes later she's snoring. I leave a little kiss on the tip of her nose and she wiggles around a little bit. She has no idea how fuckin cute she really is. And she's all mine, until the end of forever.


	38. Welcome To The World

I am so sorry that it took me so long to get this posted. I got a bad case of writer's block. That on top of my school work delayed it a lot and unfortunately it make take just as long maybe even longer to get the next one writen and posted. But I'll try as I hard as I can to have it done by next week, but I can't promise anything.

* * *

**Two Days Later.** FPOV

"The procedure won't take long," Dr. Montgomery says and looks me in the eyes and then Buffy. Today is the day our baby boy is going to be born. The doctor's already gone over the details of the surgery at the last appointment but she wants to go over it again, just in case we've forgotten what's gonna happen or whatever. "You'll be given some pain medication that'll numb your lower half. When we make the incision you may feel some pressure, but no pain. The surgery itself should only take a few minutes. But there are some risks because of your condition." We know this part already. I don't want her freakin Buffy out. She goes under the knife in forty-five minutes.

"I already know what can go wrong, we don't need to go over that again," B says and puts her hands over her stomach. She's been admitted already, so she's lying in the hospital bed in nothing more then a gown. I'm sittin next to her and I was holding onto her hand until she pulled it away to put over her stomach. "I know that it's dangerous and I could die, he could die, worst case scenario. Or I could have my uterus taken out and be given a blood transfusion, but I really don't want to hear about it anymore." The doctor smiles a sad, understanding smile and nods her head yes.

"Ok, since you're well aware of the risks we'll just skip that part and move on to the next thing. Sewing you up is going to take the longest. It could take up to forty-five minutes, so the entire procedure should be about an hour, maybe a little longer." She's going to be lyin on that operating table for an hour and she won't be able to hold our baby…she's going to be one very bitchy woman. Thank you Dr. Montgomery, I really needed that today.

"If he's healthy and he doesn't need to leave the room for any reason, then Faith will be able to hold him once he's cleaned up and you'll be able to see him and talk to him while we close you up. You won't be able to hold him until we've taken you to the recovery room. And you won't be able to have any visitors until tomorrow so I hope you weren't planning on having any." We were actually. The entire scooby gang, some of the L.A. gang, the kids and my dad were going to stop by and see Buffy and the baby. But it can wait. "You've already been prepped." I smile when B frowns, watching the prep was pretty funny. "So now all we have to do is wait. I need to go for now but I'll see you in the operating room." We say our goodbyes and the doctor leaves the room.

"When we get home," B says and looks at me with a very serious look on her face. I can't help but feel a little scared. "You are going to take care of all three of them and I am going to take a glorious bubble bath with no interruptions." Yeah right, fat chance of that happening. B can't take a bath without one of the kids buggin her. I think all she's going to want to do is sleep. It's going to be hard but she'll get through it. She's my little trooper. Just don't tell her I said that, she'll get pissed.

"So, what did Willow say last night on the phone?" She talked to Willow for three hours last night. I guess Red isn't doin too well. I didn't catch a lot of the conversation 'cause I needed to do the chores but I guess she's upset about somethin. Some kind of decision she needs to make or some shit like that. I'm only bringin it up because I don't want to think about what life is going to be like once we get the baby home. B sighs and shifts around a little bit.

"She's been trying to decide if she should bring Tara back from the dead. Apparently she made a connection with her a long time ago and Tara wants to come back but Willow doesn't know how she's going to deal with coming back to earth after being in a heavenly place for years. She doesn't want her to come back wrong or have any regrets. But at the same time she wants to bring Tara back." Wow, that's a lot to take in at once. So Tara wants to come back and Willow still hasn't brought her here? I get the risks but if the girl wants to come back Red should bring her back. But it's none of my business and I'm not gonna stick my nose where it doesn't belong.

"I don't really know what advice to give her. When she brought me back...things were so horrible. Just being here on earth was the most painful thing I've ever done. It was hard, and bright, and violent and I wanted to go back. It took a long time for me to adjust and I was only there for four months. Tara's been in heaven for years, what if it's just too big of a shock to her system? What if she never gets used to it? How am I supposed to help Willow when I don't even know?" She's gettin really upset about this. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Change the subject, I think that's best.

"Have you come up with anymore names?" I ask and she looks at me a little weird. We decided it would be best to wait until he's born to come up with a name. She really wants it to start with a J, which I have no problem with. I just don't want my son being named Jamie. That's way too fuckin girly. She shakes her head no and holds onto my hand. "Well, I'm sure we'll come up with something." I lean forward and give her a little kiss. I look into her eyes and she smiles. She looks so happy. It's been a while since I've seen her look happy. But there's a lot to be happy about so I guess her good mood fits.

"I can't wait to see what he looks like. I know he's going to look funny for a few weeks, but still. And hopefully he'll have my hair. I want at least one of our children to have my hair." I can't help but laugh at that. It's not like I got two little look a likes. Addy looks more like B, she just has my hair and dimples. "It's not funny. Those kids are going to hate their hair when they're teenagers because it's so damn stubborn. Half of it wants to be curly and the other half wants to be straight. I have to put Addison's hair in a braid every night so it won't tangle up. It's time to face the music, Faith, you have bad hair genes." What?

"Whatever B, you're just jealous 'cause I have the long, sexy, curly hair and you got stuck with that," I point at her head and she frowns. I'm not being completely serious and she knows it. I love her hair, it's always really soft. And the natural color isn't so bad, I don't know why she dyes it. I have a feelin she's gonna stop doin that though. She hasn't dyed it in a while and the roots are showin a lot. She'll probably get it dyed her natural color and then just keep gettin it cut. She's been complaining about always dying it and what a pain it is.

"Ok, everything's ready. Faith, you'll have to put these on before we got in," Dr. Montgomery says and hands me a stupid smock and a pair of latex gloves. I grumble a little bit because they're fuckin retarded looking but if it's what I have to do to be in the room then it's what I'm going to do. B is moved to a gurney and I walk by the side of it and hold onto her hand while we go into the room. It's big, and very sterile looking. There are five…no…seven nurses and two other doctors in the room already. Why are there so many? Oh well, it doesn't matter, as long as both B and the baby come out of this ok everything'll be ok.

B squeezes my hand when they put the catheter in her back but she calms down once the medicine starts to kick in. Then she lays down on her back and two of the nurses put up a little curtain so we can't see what's happenin on the other side of it. I take a good look around the room and I see there's a gallery up by the ceiling. I can see seven people looking down on us, watching. I guess this is a teaching hospital or somethin and those must be the interns.

"You might feel some pressure," the doctor says. I guess they're making the cut now. I look at B and sit down in the chair that was brought in. She has tears in her eyes but these are happy tears. I've seen these tears before, on the day everything in my life completely changed. I loved her even more that day, and not just for being her. I loved her for bringing a little life into this world, into our lives. We were scared senseless, we didn't know what the fuck we were doing but that was after we got home. But the day he was born everything was perfect. It was like the gods took a rest and just let us be happy for once.

(flashback to nine years ago)

I can't believe it. I just can't believe that we're parents. How fuckin weird is that? We have a baby, a little baby boy. That's right everyone, Faith Lehane is a mom, and she has a son. But I didn't do all the work so I probably shouldn't be showin my happiness this much. B's the one who deserves all the credit. When she was pushin him outta her…well, I think the devil learned a new torture method: childbirth. I've never heard B scream that loud before. She was in so much pain and there was nothin I could do about it. I tried, I really did but nothing I did helped.

I was really fuckin possessive of her, that's for damn sure. And it wasn't just the slayer side of me. I think it was the animal side, the alpha wolf or whatever. Doesn't the male wolf protect the female while she has the puppies? I don't know, I can't remember. And are they called puppies? I mean, they're wolves, not dogs. Anyway, I kicked most of the nurses out of the room, and Willow, and Xander and Giles and Dawn. The only ones allowed to touch B was the doctor, a nurse and me. I wouldn't let anyone else go near her.

And then the little baby came out of her and started screamin his head off and time froze. There are a couple moments in my life where time has stood still but this is the only good one. And when I saw him for the first time I thought I was going to die because I couldn't breathe. He looked a little weird, I'll admit. He was covered in white fluid stuff and had blood on him. And the doctor laid him down on B's stomach and I cut the cord and the doctor stitched up the little stub and they took him away, but only across the room. Then they wrapped him up in a blanket and handed him to me.

He was screaming and crying and his face was turnin red and a couple of tears were leakin out the corners of his eyes and his hands were balled up into little fists and he was the most beautiful creature I've never seen. I leaned down and gave him a little kiss on the bridge of his nose and started talkin to him and he calmed down. He looked up at me with eyes as dark as mine and then his crying stopped and time stood still again. I couldn't look away from his eyes. They look exactly like mine and it wasn't weird or anything like I thought it would be. And we just stared at each other for the longest time until a nurse touched my shoulder. I looked up and B was lyin in the bed with tears in her eyes. So I walked over to the bed and handed her our baby.

But that was hours ago and we've both gotten over the shock about the gender thing. We were so sure he was going to be girl. I mean, sure we made a baby but because of magic so we thought he was going to be a girl because neither of us has a Y chromosome or whatever it's called. But we have a little boy. A little boy I can teach to play baseball, and ride a bike, and play football and roughhouse with. I know B had her heart set out on havin tea parties and playin dress up, but to be honest I've always wanted a son. A little boy I could raise up right. I never thought it was gonna happen, but it has and everything is finally perfect.

"Hey baby," I whisper and walk back into B's room. She's been sleeping for a while now 'cause the birth took a lot out of her, which is expected. She isn't gonna feel like doin much for the next couple of days. That's why I'm going to take care of everything until she's well rested. She looks over at me and smiles when she sees the little bundle in my arms. I've been holding him for a couple of hours now.

After B held him for a while the nurse took him away to get some tests done and they fed him 'cause Buffy was sleeping but then I asked for him and I've been holding him and walking around for a while. He's asleep right now, I guess the birth takes a lot out of the babies too. The last couple of days he's been moving around like crazy, but then he got really still and that's when the labor kicked in. I walk over to her bed and sit down on the edge of it and hand her our boy. She cradles him in her arms and looks down at him, smiling like she's the happiness woman in the world, and she probably is. Then I start leaving kisses on her cheek and neck.

"You are," I whisper and kiss her cheek. "The most amazing," I kiss her neck and she giggles. "Woman in the entire world," I kiss her neck again and then her lips. "Have I ever told you that?" She looks into my eyes and smiles one of the most dazzling smiles I've ever seen.

"No you haven't, and it's great to hear it," she whispers and gives me a little kiss on the lips. "You were great too. Everyone was getting too loud and crowded, even with just the nurses. Thank you so much for everything." She has tears in her eyes and they're starting to leak out. I kiss her again, deeper this time but we keep it short. She's tired and really fuckin sore and I don't want to cause her any more pain. When the kiss ends she looks down at our sleeping boy. He doesn't have a lot of hair, just this fuzzy stuff that reminds me of a peach. "What are we going to name him? All of the names we picked out are for girls." She's worrying, I can't tell by the sound of her voice. I scoot closer to her and gently stroke her hair.

"Don't worry about it baby, we'll think of somethin. The last name is taken care of and since you had him I think you should get to pick his middle name. We'll just have to agree on a first one. But let's wait ok? Lets just enjoy this." I lay on the bed almost exactly like she is. We'll, she's sitting up but her legs are on the bed. So that's what I do too. I rest my back against the soft pillows and I wrap my arm around her and hold her as she holds our baby. And we just sit here and watch him as he sleeps. His breathing is really weird. It's normal for a while and then he spazzes out or something and it's all erratic, and then it's normal again. But it doesn't matter. He's perfect because he's ours and there's nothing that can ever change that.

(end flashback)

"Wow, this one's a biggin," one of the doctors says and it snaps me back to reality. He's a what? I ask him what the hell that means and he explains. "A big one, he's a big one." Oh. Well he should have said that in the first place. I thought there was somethin wrong and my slayer instincts were startin to kick in, and trust me that woulda been bad. But I guess biggin is just what they say in the south. And I know he's from there 'cause his accent is pretty fuckin thick.

I stand up and try to look over the curtain so I can see but it's too high. I feel Buffy kinda pull on my arm and I sit back down. I guess she doesn't want me seein her guts or somethin. That would be pretty fuckin freaky to see her cut open, especially 'cause she's awake and not in any pain or anything. Ok, leave it up to me to make myself horribly nauseous during my kid's birth. I still can't believe it's happening. He's being born, today is the day we'll finally get to see him and hold him and talk to him and look into his little eyes. I really have turned to mush, oh fuckin well.

"Ok, and here he comes," Dr. Montgomery says. I look down at B and smile and she has tears in her eyes. Is she ok? Yeah, she's ok. Those are the tears of happiness I was talkin about earlier. All is good. I need ta calm down, I'm too uptight. Probably 'cause I'm over protective of B. I can get like that sometimes. But it's all good 'cause these people know what they're doing. "Ok, we'll just cut the cord." I hear some metal clinkin around a few seconds later I see a nurse walk over to a table and she's holdin him in a towel, and there's blood and stuff on it.

"Why isn't he crying?" B asks and she sounds pretty freaked out. "Why isn't my baby crying?" I stroke her hair and she calms down a little but she's still really freaked out. I'm about to run over there and take my baby from that nurse if the doctor doesn't hurry the fuck up and tell us what's goin on.

"It's ok Buffy, he's fine. It might just take a-" there's a loud wail and B relaxes and a big smile spreads across her face. "I guess I spoke too soon. Once the nurse gets him cleaned up you can hold him Faith." I look down at B again and she has tears rollin out the corners of her eyes. I see B's eyes look at somethin behind me and I turn around and there standing in front of me is the nurse and she's holding my little boy. He isn't crying anymore but he's breathing pretty loud. I let go of B and reach out and take my little boy away from the nurse and hold him close to me and I think I'm gonna die.

He has my nose, and B's lips, and ten tiny little fingers and ten tiny little toes. I just counted. He has some pretty small feet but he's got a lot of growin to do. He has rolls all over his body. The doctor was right, he is a biggin. The nurse just said he weighs nine pounds and thirteen ounces. That is pretty big. No wonder B's stomach got so huge, she had a moose growin in there. He just yawned and it was possibly the cutest thing in the world. He's fluttering his eyes now. He hasn't opened them so I don't know what color they are. Oh wait, there, now they're open. Brown eyes, some of the darkest brown eyes I've ever seen. He looks up at me and he gets really still, and his breathing calms down. I smile at him and he blinks a couple of times.

"Baby, let me see him," B says and she sounds a little irritated. I guess she was tryin to get my attention before. I sit down on the chair and hold him out for B to see. She smiles and the tears she's been holdin back start to flood out. She reaches over to touch his little cheek and his muscles quiver. His breathing starts to spazz out but that's normal for newborns. I remember when Mattie was first born it took five nurses and the doctor to convince me there wasn't somethin wrong with him. But there's nothing wrong with this little guy. He's perfect.

"Joseph," B says and smiles really wide. That's the only other name she's said. After I told her I didn't like Jamie she sort of gave up on tryin to come up with names. At least that's what she told me. "Joseph Charles Lehane. What do you think?" She looks up at me and I smile a little smile at her. I look down at our boy and I hold him with one hand supporting his head and shoulders and another on his little butt. I turn him so he's facing me and I take a good look at him. Joseph, huh? Well, I won't call him that. I'll probably call him Joey, or Joe, or Jay or somethin like that.

"It's perfect," I whisper and slowly bring him up to my face and give him a little kiss on the bridge of his nose. He snorts and wiggles around and lets out a little whine. Woe, I guess he doesn't like that. I cradle him in my arms and sit as close to the table as I can so B can see him. I can tell she can't wait to hold him. He's gonna be hungry here pretty quick and I know she's going to take care of that. That's one thing she really wants to do, at least for a while. The bond that you build when you breastfeed a baby is unbelievable but I'm sure she's gonna switch to formula after a while.

"We got the placenta out without a problem so we'll start stitching you up," the doctor says but I don't think B's listening. She's too busy holding onto our little boy's tiny little hand and running her thumb over his palm and little fingers. He's perfect. All of my babies were perfect when they were born. I can't wait for Addy and Mattie to see this. They're gonna be so excited. But that has to wait until tomorrow, which I'm a little happy about 'cause I want my time with him. B's gonna hold him until she falls asleep and then it's my turn to have him all to myself. A little selfish but I don't care.

BPOV

"Don't worry Mrs. Lehane, another nurse will bring your baby in as soon as his tests are done," a nurse tells me and helps me get settled into my room. Surgery ended about ten minutes ago and there was a long wait on the elevator. Joseph had to go to the nursery and he has to get all of the normal newborn testing done and then I get him back. And that's a good thing, that's a great thing but…I don't know. I just don't know. I'm having some conflicting emotions and I can't talk to anyone about it. Faith won't understand because I'm pretty sure she didn't go through this with Addison, and I don't want to talk to a doctor about it because Faith will bother me to tell her and I don't want to freak her out.

When I looked at him for the first time I started crying I was so happy. He's the most perfect little baby in the whole world, just like his brother and sister were. And he has the darkest little eyes I've ever seen. And he has Faith's nose, but so do the others. And he has my lips, and a tiny little bit of the peach fuzzy hair on top of his head but that'll probably fall out soon. Matthew's fell out after a few weeks and then his dark hair grew in. I hope this baby has my hair color. I don't know why, I just do.

I don't really understand much about genetics but I think Joseph will look more like Faith because she's the 'father'. But I don't know. I look more like my mom then I do my father. Ok, I'm going to stop thinking about it because I'll get a headache. And I know I said I wanted four children, but I'm pretty sure we're done now. It's not just because of the complication, and the high possibility of it happening if I get pregnant again because Faith could always carry the next one. It's just, I don't think we'll be able to afford another baby. I'll have to have a serious talk with Faith about it, but I think three is enough. I'm pretty sure she thought two was enough.

"You are," Faith says and sits down next to me. I smile and hold onto her hand. I know exactly what she's going to say because she said it after I had Matthew. "The most amazing," she says and leans in and kisses me. Her lips are so soft and she's being so gentle. I want her to cuddle up next to me but she can't because these stitches actually kinda hurt. Well, more then kinda. Then she pulls back and looks into my eyes and I smile a little and feel the tears building up. "Woman in the entire world." She kisses me again and she gently runs the tip of her tongue along my bottom lip. I open my mouth and tease the very tip of her tongue with mine but then I pull away before she can respond. "Have I ever told you that?" I smile and cup her cheek with my hand.

"Yeah you have, but it's great to hear it." So mine's a little different, who cares? She doesn't because she smiles really wide and gives me another kiss. She scoots closer to me on the bed and gently cups my face with her hand. I can feel the other one gently caressing my arm. I guess it's instinct for her or maybe she just forgot but she cups my breast and I pull back from the kiss and wince. It hurts. It hurts so bad and I can't stop the tears from falling because that hurt. I hate that I can't even go to second base with my wife. What kind of shit is that?

"Shit, B, I'm sorry. I forgot. No, no, no baby, don't cry. Please." She sounds so desperate and I know she didn't mean to do it but my breasts are just so sensitive and sore right now that even a gentle touch like the one she just did is really painful. I bite back my tears and tries to comfort me but it's not working. "Baby, shhh, don't cry ok?" She hates it when I cry. We've never left the 'when you hurt I hurt' stage of the relationship. She lies down on the bed next to me and wraps her arm around me and gently caresses my back.

"I know you didn't mean it," I tell her around a big sob. She's holding her breath so she's fighting back tears too. Way to go Buffy, this is supposed to be a happy day, not a mopey one. And you're dragging Faith down with you. Way to fuckin go. "I'm sorry, I'm just too sensitive right now to be touched there." She nods her head and I lean against her. I feel better now that she has her arms around me and I can feel her body heat. It's always brought me comfort in the past. And at night when I'm sleeping. I love it when she holds me but it doesn't really matter. As long as I can feel her in some way, whether it's her holding me, me holding her or our backs pressed together. As long as I can feel her I fall asleep happy.

"Ok, moms, I have your little boy for you," a nurse says and wheels the plastic basinet thingy into the room. I can hear him crying but it sounds so strange to me. It sounds...hollow, and fake, and instead of wanting to make it stop by helping him I just want it to go away. God, what is the matter with me? A mother shouldn't feel like this about her child. I'm not supposed to want him to go away. I'm supposed to want to help him, to hold him, to feed him, but I don't. What is wrong with me?

I watch Faith get off the bed and pick him up. Her smile has never looked so beautiful and she looks so happy. I don't understand why I can't feel like that. I did after Matthew and Addison was born. Maybe I'm over analyzing this. Maybe I'm just tired. It's probably because I've been so stressed. Bed rest drove me crazy, my body is tired of bed rest so the last thing it wants is to stay in bed, even if it's to feed my son. The nurse leaves and Faith sits down next to me. Joseph isn't crying anymore, I guess he just needed to be picked up.

"Look at him, B," she whispers and looks into my eyes and then at our little boy. She has tears welling up in hers, but they're happy tears. They're the same kind of tears she got when our other kids were born. "We did this. We made this little thing. He's all ours, and he's beautiful." She leans down and gives him a kiss on the bridge of his nose. He wiggles around and whines a little bit and now he's crying. Way to go Faith. She smiles again and looks over at me and then down at him. I haven't seen her smile like this since Matthew was born.

"I guess someone's hungry. He hasn't had anything to eat yet." My body tenses up but I don't know why. Faith notices and her eyebrows furrow a little bit. I've always planned on breastfeeding him for the first six weeks. I breastfed Matthew and I thought it was great. I'm not going to lie, it hurt like hell, but the bond you get with your baby when you breastfeed them is unbelievable, and I can't even describe it. So why is the thought of breastfeeding this little baby, my little baby, making my stomach turn? And it's not just my stomach that's acting up but my entire body is tense, the muscles in my arms are starting to twitch. Why don't I want to do it? What the fuck is the matter with me?

"Maybe we should just get a bottle from a nurse. I can't cradle him because of the stitches, so how am I supposed to feed him?" She looks at me like I'm on crack or something because I was talking so damn fast. And the nurse already showed me how I'd have to feed him. She said I'll have it lay on my side and Faith can help prop him up on his side and he can eat that way. I know this, Faith knows this, but for some reason I don't want to. I just don't want to.

"You lie on your side, B. That's how you feed him." She just stares at me for a minute or two. Joseph's wails are starting to take over the room and it's starting to drive me a little crazy. "If you're too tired to do it just say so and I'll get a bottle, but Buffy, don't lie to me, alright?" I can't help but feel like a chastised kid or something. I just nod my head and she gets up and walks out of the room. I can hear his cries as she walks down the hall. They get quieter and quieter the farther she goes. It sounds a little weird actually. Mostly because I don't feel my maternal instincts kicking in, telling me to run down there and get my baby because he's crying.

Great, so I'm not only a horrible mother, but now I'm a horrible wife. I never lie to Faith, I may not tell her everything, but I don't outright lie to her like I just did. I knew that I'm supposed to lie on my side, but I acted like I had no fucking clue. Why am I acting this way? It's gotta be this place. I hate hospitals. Once we get home everything will be better. I'll want to take care of my baby, I'll be overjoyed that he's in my life now, and I'll be a better wife. Yep, all I have to do is go home. But that's not going to be for four or five days. It all depends on how fast my stomach heals. Luckily I'm a slayer, or hopefully I get out of here in three.

I'm starting to feel panicked, like I want to run away from here. It has to be this place. But deep down I know it isn't this hospital. I wasn't like this with Matthew, so why would I be like this now? Is it the thought of raising another child? Parenthood is great, and I love it and I wouldn't take it back for the world, but it's also exhausting, and frustrating, and at times even a little boring. So maybe that's what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm just dreading the weeks to come. Maybe my subconscious is freaking out because I'm not going to sleep more then two hours at a time. I'm not used to having a lot of freedom but this is going to kill what little freedom I do have. Maybe that's why I'm freaking out. I don't know, and it's going to drive me insane.

Maybe I should talk to my doctor about this. I mean, this could be a side effect from some of the drugs they gave me. They didn't just stitch me up like she said. They had to detach my placenta then give me something to make my uterus contract for whatever reason, I can't remember, and after all of that then they stitched me up. I've been given a lot of drugs, to numb the pain, then to make my uterus contract, and I'm on more now. More pain killers because of the surgery and also an IV so I don't get dehydrated. Maybe all of this stuff is making me feel this way. I'm sure as soon as I get home and the medicine completely leaves my system I'll get better. It'll just take a couple of days, so there's no need to panic. I don't know why I was starting to panic but now I'm calm. Hopefully it'll stay that way.

FPOV

"Mama, show him my room now," Addy whines and pulls on my shirt. We just got home from the hospital a couple hours ago. Joey's been sleepin since the car ride but he woke up about fifteen minutes ago and he isn't hungry or anything so I'm givin him the grand tour. B's home too, but she's layin down. You'd think after all that bed rest she'd want to be up and walking around but her stomach still hurts. She's all embarrassed by it and shit 'cause I have to act like a crutch when she walks or she might loose her balance. But I'm more then happy to do it 'cause she's my baby and she needs me.

She's been actin so fuckin weird though. She doesn't want anything to do with Joey, she doesn't want to hold him or feed him or talk to him, and when she looks at him it's like she's looking through him. He might as well not even be there. I don't understand it, she wasn't like this with Mattie. She never wanted to put him down, so why is she acting like this? I talked to her doctor about it and the doc thinks it could be postpartum depression. So I'm supposed to keep a really close eye on B and make sure she doesn't get any worst or do something that could hurt one of us or herself.

I really hope it isn't postpartum depression 'cause then they'll put her on a bunch of drugs or somethin and she'll be completely out of it. Whatever is goin on I'm sure it'll pass in the next couple of days. Her body just needs to get over this trauma and then she'll be back to...well she won't be normal 'cause we'll both be sleep deprived, but she won't be so...distant. It's not just that she doesn't want anything to do with Joey, she doesn't want anything to do with anyone. She'll talk to me but her voice sounds strained, like she's forcing the words out or somethin. But it'll go away soon. Now that she's home everything will get better.

With the help of Addy I give Joey the tour of the house. I can't believe how much she's enjoying this. But that is gonna change so soon, I just know it. Mattie didn't get too jealous but he was older when I had Addy. I don't know if it's gonna happen or not but Addy's probably gonna start acting out, and wanting our full attention when we're tryin to take care of little Joey here. But I'm hopin it won't 'cause that's just one more thing I really don't wanna deal with. And with the sleep deprivation, and a cryin baby, and a toddler actin out I might lose my temper and snap at her or somethin and I don't want my little girl afraid of me.

"Mama I think he's hungry," Addy says when Joey starts cryin. I was wondering when that was gonna happen. He had some breakfast before we left the hospital but nothing since then. I smile at her and I walk into my bedroom with her at my heels. I hope isn't sleepin 'cause she might get a little testy if I wake her up. And I don't wanna make her weird mood even worst. But she isn't sleeping. She's laying down but she isn't asleep. She's on her side, facing the room, and her eyes are open. She has some tears in them but they aren't falling. She's probably still in a lot of pain. She doesn't wanna take the painkillers 'cause they make her feel too vulnerable, at least that's what she said in the car.

"Baby, our boy is gettin hungry," I say in a very lighthearted tone and sit down on the bed. He's cryin really fuckin loud but I don't need to yell 'cause of our slayer hearing. She looks into my eyes and I get a chill down my spine and in a very bad way. Her eyes look so…empty. I've never seen her like this before, ever. It's like, Buffy is gone and she left this shell of a person behind. But she'll get better. She just needs to recover from the surgery and the hormones and stuff. I see her throat constrict as she swallows and she clears her throat a little.

"Can't you make him a bottle?" What? I know she doesn't want to hold him or anything but I thought she'd at least feed him when he's hungry. I rock him a little bit but nothing's working because he's hungry and he isn't gonna stop crying until he has a nipple in his mouth. I scoot a little closer to her and she tenses up. Maybe I should have had the doctor talk to her. The doctor told me B would be a little off right now 'cause of the hormones and shit, but that's old news, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe this is worst then the normal after birth craziness.

"No I can't, B. You said you were gonna breastfeed until all the colostrum or whatever it's called, is all gone 'cause that stuff is good for him. We did it with the others, why don't you want to do it now?" I shouldn't be getting pissed but I can't help it. She's denying our baby food and his cryin is startin to get to me. This is what I was talkin about earlier, about me snappin. I didn't snap at B, but I didn't sound too understanding either. I got a temper and sometimes it's hard to control. That's one of the main reasons why I'm so fuckin scared of bein a mom. Even now, after doin this for ten years, I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck 'em up, and I don't wanna do that.

"Fine," she says and sits up. She sounds really pissed. I wanna know what's goin on inside that mind of hers, 'cause I don't understand why she's actin like this. She takes off her shirt and bra and throws 'em to the floor. She's actin more like a spoiled kid then a mom right now. I almost don't wanna hand Joey over but I know B won't hurt him no matter how pissed she gets. I scoot over until I'm sittin right next to her and I gently hand her our boy. He's a big one all right. Almost ten frickin pounds. She woulda ripped so much if she had him naturally. I'm a little glad that she had a c-section otherwise she'd be in so much fuckin pain.

She holds him up to her but he's havin a little trouble clampin on. So I reach over and help him out a little and B just glares at me. Seriously what the fuck is the matter with her? I know this is gonna be hard on both of us, her especially 'cause she's the one who was cut open, but does she have to be so mean about it? Ok, Faith, just calm the fuck down. This could be postpartum depression or whatever. She'll be acting nothing like Buffy if she has that. Maybe I should call her doctor and talk to her about it. Now she's startin to cry. Breastfeeding hurts like hell, she cried a little at the hospital too.

"Shh, baby," I whisper and scoot closer to her. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and give her temple a little kiss. "I know it hurts, baby, but this is good for him. He needs all the stuff he's getting." I always use better grammar when I'm comforting her, ever notice that? I'm watching her out of the corner of my eye and I can see that she isn't looking at him. She's just staring straight ahead. I know this isn't normal, at least not for Buffy. When she fed Matthew she never took her eyes off him. Maybe I should stop comparing the two? We're both different now so the experience isn't gonna be the same so maybe this isn't as unusual as I'm makin it out to be.

"Mama," fuck that scared me. I forgot she was here. I look over at Addy and she looks a little freaked out. She's never seen B act like this before. Hell, I've never seen B act like this before. Addy sounds a little scared, like she's afraid one of us is gonna get really pissed at her. Wanna guess which one of us I'm talkin about? "Why is Mommy sad?" I wish I knew, toots, I wish I knew. But I don't and it's gonna drive me fuckin insane if I don't find out. Call it a slayer's curiosity or whatever, but if I don't find out what's buggin B I'm not gonna be able to sleep 'cause I'll just keep myself awake by thinkin about it even if I don't wanna think about it.

"I'm not sad Addison, I'm just tired," B says and luckily there isn't any harshness to her voice. I didn't say anything when she snapped at me but I know I wouldn't've kept my mouth shut if she snapped at Addy. I'm protective of my kids, so what? I can tell that Addy isn't convinced. For one thing B isn't even lookin at her, she's just starin straight ahead, with an empty look on her face. She winces a little bit, I guess Joey bit down a little harder or somethin. "I didn't get a lot of sleep at the hospital, and I'm just really, really tired." She got a lot of sleep at the hospital, but I know she didn't rest. I was with her at the hospital most of the time and her sleep was troubled.

Addy crawls into my lap and I wrap my arm around her. She watches Joey feed from B and her eyebrows are furrowed the entire time. I guess it's still weird for her. When she saw it at the hospital she asked about a million questions in less then five minutes. I answered 'em the best I could but she's three so the questions are never ending. She's quiet though, and it's kinda weird. I smile a little when Joey starts whining. I guess he's done with his meal. Buffy pulls him away from her breast and uses his blanket to wipe some milk off his mouth. She hands him back to me and puts her shirt back on and lays down.

"You don't wanna hold him?" I ask and she shakes her head no and pulls the covers up all the way to her neck. She doesn't say anything to me, she doesn't even look at me, she's just starin up at the ceiling. This is starting to freak me out. She doesn't want to hold him, she never wanted to put down Mattie or Addy, but she doesn't want to hold Joey? I don't get it. I just don't understand what's goin on inside her mind and I know she isn't gonna talk about it. I don't know how I know, I just do.

I tell Addy to get off my lap and I put Joey in his basinet since he fell asleep. I ask B if she wants me to lay down with her and she says no. I ask her if she wants anything to eat or drink and she says no. Then she says that she just wants to be alone. I don't know what to say. I don't know why she's being so distant. So I lean down and give her a little kiss on the lips and she doesn't respond to it. I give her a weak smile that she doesn't return and I hold onto Addy's hand and leave the room.

I feel selfish for feeling rejected but I can't help it. She doesn't want anything to do with me. I know I already said I should stop comparing experiences but after she had Mattie she wanted me to hold her all the time. She never wanted to leave my arms and now she doesn't even want me to take a nap with her. She likes me to do that with her all the time, so why not now? This is gonna bug the hell outta me, but I have to give her her space. She might panic if I start buggin her, feel like I'm backin her into a corner or something, and that's one thing you never wanna do to B 'cause she'll defend herself, then bolt. I feel so lost, I hate feelin this way. Maybe I should talk to somebody, or maybe I should just give her a while, ya know, wait and see if this all just blows over.

BPOV

I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't figure it out, and I've gone over this and over this in my head. For hours at a time I've laid here in my bed just thinking. I can't seem to do anything else. People come in and talk to me, see how I'm doing, and I want to say something back but I can't. All I can do is lay here and watch them sit next to me. And it's not just with Willow, Dawn, Xander, Giles, Cordelia, Kennedy and all of the neighbors that have stopped by. It's with Faith, Matthew and Addison too. They come in to see me, they ask me how I'm doing and all I do is just look at them and then stare at the wall. Even making eye contact hurts.

But that's nothing compared to what I feel when Joseph is awake. When he's sleeping I'm fine because then I get to sleep. But when he wakes up he cries because he's hungry or he needs to be changed. Hearing him cry does nothing to me. No, I take that back. I makes me feel...guilty because I don't feel anything. I feel guilty because when you're baby cries you're supposed to want to feed him and change him to make him stop. You're supposed to want to comfort him, and hold him, and talk to him, or even just look at him. I hear him cry and I feel guilty because I don't want to comfort him. Sometimes I don't even hear him crying. Faith will run in the room and be mad at me because the baby's been crying for five minutes or something like that.

I can't force myself to do any of those things. Faith bought me a breast pump because I can't force myself to feed him, and there was a chance of him getting sick, a chance of him starving. The pump isn't so bad. It hurts just as much as his mouth and this way Faith can feed him instead of waking me up. And I feel so guilty about that because she's supposed to be in school right now, but she's taking care of our son. She's giving him a bath, and I'm lying in bed. I can hear her soft laughter, probably because of the weird faces he's making. Most babies make weird faces on their first bath. It's his first bath and I don't want to see it, or be the one to give it to him. I'm a horrible mother. And I'm a horrible wife.

I hear a light knock on the door and roll over on my other side to see who it is. I try to smile because that's what you're supposed to do when your father in law comes over to see you but I can't force myself to do it. I look into his eyes and he lets out a loud sigh and he looks a little sad. I look away from him and stare at the wall. I do that a lot because of the way they react when I look into their eyes. They get sad, just like Chris did. Willow almost cried. I don't get it, why are they getting sad when they look into my eyes? I've heard them talking about me when they think I'm asleep. I didn't really pay attention to any of it, but I thought I heard something about a spark being gone.

"Faith needs a break so I'm gonna take care of the little one for a while." He walks into the room and gets closer and closer to me with every step. I'm not looking at him but I can feel his presence getting closer to me. Then I feel the bed sink down a little and now he's sitting next to me. I can feel his eyes on my back and he sighs. This isn't weird or anything. I'm not worried that he's going to try anything. He's just being a dad, even though he's not mine. We've gotten pretty close since he moved here. He took care of me during the pregnancy and now he's going to take care of my baby because I can't, and Faith is getting so exhausted. She doesn't wake up as quickly as she used to when Joseph cries.

"She can't do this by herself. She needs you. She feels lost, and abandoned. She hasn't said anything but I can tell. You need to get yourself some help, because this isn't healthy for either of you." I feel him stroking my dirty, greasy hair. I haven't showered in a couple days. I don't want to leave this bed. All I want to do is sleep. I just want to block everything out and lay here in self-pity. I can't bring myself to do anything else. I'm the world's greatest slayer, I'm an attractive, smart woman, I could have been anything, I could have done anything with my life, but I've been reduced to this.

I've spent my entire life taking care of other people. I'm thirty-five years old, I'm not even a college graduate. I put my life on hold when Mom got sick and I never got it started up again. I worked in a fast food place when I was brought back, I was depressed and I hated living, and even when things got better they still sucked. I only got that job as a school counselor because Robin wanted a slayer on the hellmouth. Then after Sunnydale was destroyed we moved North and settled for a while.

We got the school up and running but then I went back to California and me and Faith started dating, but I always thought I would go back to school, travel the world, get a decent job, be more then just a slayer. But then I got pregnant and I put my life on hold. My entire existence has been about other people. And I was fine with it. But I'm thirty-five and I haven't traveled, I haven't gone back to school, I don't have a decent job, and I have no one to blame but myself because I let it happen.

I could have gone back to school when Matthew was a baby. Faith would have understood and would have been totally supportive. We didn't do anything but stay home and take care of him. We took care of our son, and we slayed, that's about it. We took a couple trips to Ohio to make sure that the school was still doing ok, and we went out occasionally but the main focus of our lives has been our children. And I was ok with it for a while. In my mind I had the perfect family, the perfect lover, the perfect life, but I don't think that anymore. I want to be more then just a mom and a wife. I want to do something more with my life.

I feel so horrible that I'm feeling this way. I just had a baby my main focus should be taking care of him because he needs me. I shouldn't be making Faith do all the work, I should be up right now bathing him with her and then feeding him afterwards and then rocking him to sleep. But instead I'm here, in bed, feeling guilty because I don't feel anything at all. That doesn't make any sense. None of this makes sense anymore. I just need to think, I can't do that here. Not with all the guilt, and the responsibility, and the overwhelming sense of loss. I don't even know why I'm feeling the last one. Maybe I'm mourning the life I could of had? I think that's it. That's what I'm doing.

I need to clear my head, even if it's just for a couple of days. I need to think thing through. Away from the stress, and guilt and all of that other stuff that I just talked about. Somewhere where I can breathe easy and take my time thinking without everyone breathing down my neck to get better. I feel like everyone is rushing me to feel things that I can't force myself to feel. It's like there's only one door ahead of me and I'm being forced through it. I feel like I can't breathe, like I'm being boxed in and the walls just keep getting smaller and smaller and smaller. And the walls have spikes on them which gives me even less room as they continue to move towards me.

Even though Chris is the only one to actually say it I know everyone else is thinking it. I know Faith is because she's exhausted and can't do this by herself. I know Willow is thinking it because when she looks at me she's sad but also a little disappointed. Dawn always gives me these 'what is the matter with you?' looks but she never says it out loud. Everyone is too polite to actually ask what the hell is going on inside my head. And it wouldn't matter if they asked or not because I know I wouldn't be able to force myself to say a word to them.

Out of everyone Addison is taking it the hardest because she's young and she doesn't understand. She thinks I'm mad at her or something. I tried as hard as I could to say something. I thought of something to say, took in a breath, opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. It's like my vocal cords have been cut or something and I can't produce any sound. Matthew is taking it a lot better then I expected. I guess he just knows that something's wrong and it has nothing to do with him. He comes in here everyday and watches T.V. with me. Well, he watches T.V. and holds my hand and leans against me, but I just zone out.

Faith knows that I'm feeling better physically. I've recovered from the surgery and everything is healed and I guess she expected me to be excited about that because of that long pelvic rest. She said she bought a couple more toys, a bigger strap on and a vibrator but I wasn't interested. We tried making love once about a week ago, I might as well have been miles away because mentally I just wasn't there. I didn't get turned on by the way she was touching me and talking to me, and she knew by the way I was touching her that I was distracted. She's the one that ended it after about twenty minutes of trying. She looked into my eyes when she rolled off of me and her eyes welled up with tears and she slipped on one of her oversized t-shirts and left the room. I think she cried but I'm not sure.

I know what I need to do. How I'm going to 'get better'. I just don't know exactly how I'm going to do it. There are just so many things to consider but I know deep down that this is the way it has to be. Because if I don't do this I may just spend the rest of my life in this bed second guessing everything I've ever done. I'll drive everyone away, I'll lose my family, my children, my wife, everything I value. It'll be hard for them but they'll be ok, I just know they will. And when I get everything sorted out things will be ok again, we can be a real family again instead of me just laying here feeling boxed in.

They're not going to understand and I don't expect them to. They're going to be pissed and upset but I can't think about that right now. I can't think about it because I can't force myself to care and that's making me feel guiltier then before. Not only are my maternal instincts nonexistent but so is my compassion, and sympathy, and ability to comfort and love.

I don't care that they're going to be pissed, or sad, or upset. I don't care that my babies are going to cry. I don't care that they're not going to understand and they're probably going to think it was something they did. I don't care that Faith is going to suffer because of this. I just can't force myself to care and that's why I have to leave. I have to leave so I can care again. It probably doesn't make sense to you, but this isn't about you and your understanding of it. I just need to get better and then things will be good again. But I can't do that here. That's why I need to leave. To go some place far away from here where they can't find me. I need to because I think I'm going insane.


	39. Down The Rabbit Hole

So I guess I lied about it taking a while to write, sorry about that. Once I figured out what I wanted to happen it sorta fell into place. I hope you enjoy. And in the last POV does anyone know what box Buffy is talking about?

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**The Following Morning.** MPOV

"Brother," I hear a whisper and feel something shaking me. I don't wanna wake up yet, it's too early. It's still dark outside. I don't even haffta open my eyes to know that. It's got somethin to do with bein a slayer. We can feel when the sun rises and sets. It's like a bunch of little tingles in our stomachs. So I know it's early but my little sister is tryin to wake me up. Addison's been doin this a lot. When the baby came home she was fine but Mom and Mama pay attention to the baby more then us so Addison's been clinging to me more then a fly on sticky tape. "Brother, the baby's crying and Mama won't wake up." She pushes me again. If she pushes me one more time I'm gonna push her back. Kyle's right sisters are annoying.

"Then wake Mom up," I tell her but my face is still in my pillow so I don't know if she heard me. She is so annoying but I put up with it 'cause she's my little sister so it's my job to look out for her. I help her up when she falls down, I let her sleep in my bed when she wakes up from a nightmare, and I make sure no one hurts her. Somethin is wrong or she wouldn't be in here, she'd still be asleep. She's not like me, she wakes up so easy that Mama thinks she should soundproof her room, whatever that means.

"I can't find Mommy. She's not in her room or anywhere. Get up Brother," she pushes my shoulder again and I lift my head up and look at her. Why does she have to be so annoying? I'm gonna tell her no, to go back to bed and just let Mama get up and take care of Joseph. But then she sticks her bottom lip out and tears are in her eyes. Great, now she's gonna cry, I hate it when she cries. "Pwease Brother." I hate it when she pouts like that. She knows I can't say no to it. I throw the covers off me and she smiles and runs out of the room. I stand up and yawn and walk down the hall and into my parents' room. Mama said that babies are loud but this is ridiculous.

"Mama," I say and shake her shoulder just like Addison did to me. But she doesn't move, she just keeps snoring. "Mama, get up." I pinch her nostrils closed so she can't breath. After a couple seconds she rolls over and my hands ripped away from her face. This is stupid, why won't she wake up? "Mama!" I yell and she mumbles somethin about making breakfast later. I'm gonna have to do this myself. I go into the kitchen and open the refrigerator and look inside. Let's see...moldy cheese, no. Smelly meat I think is bologna, no. Ah, the bottles Mom filled up last night, yes.

She got this thing called a 'breast pump' so she can fill up some bottles and Mama can feed Joseph without wakin her up. Mom's been actin kinda weird for a while, ever since she had the baby. She doesn't talk to anyone, and she doesn't want to hold the baby and Mama's getting worried. She didn't tell me that but I know she is. I'm nine not retarded, I know when she's worried. Anyway, I grab a bottle and take off the lid and put it in the microwave for thirty seconds 'cause that's what Mama said you're supposed to do. She showed me how to do this yesterday 'cause I want to help out a little 'cause I know they're not sleepin a whole lot these days.

I take the bottle out of the microwave when it beeps and put the lid back on. I test the milk just like Mama showed me and it's not too hot, not too cold. I can hear Joseph crying and Addison trying to wake Mama up but I don't think it's gonna work. She was up all day yesterday takin care of the baby 'cause Mom didn't want to. And Mom was supposed to take care of him today 'cause she said she would but I think she's in the bathroom or somethin 'cause I haven't seen her yet. She's not in her bedroom or in here or the living room. It was kinda weird last night 'cause Mom filled up a bunch of the bottles. Ten of 'em, maybe eleven. She's never filled up that many before and she didn't tell anyone why she was doin it. Not even Mama, and they tell each other everything.

When I walk into the bedroom with the bottle I see Addison jumping up and down on the bed singing the Tigger song but Mama doesn't move or say anything. She's really tired, I don't think anything is gonna work. The Tigger song usually works, but I know it isn't gonna cut it today. When Addison sees me she sits down on the edge of the bed and leans over a little bit and looks down at our brother. He's not as small as I thought he was gonna be, but he's still tiny. All he does is eat and sleep and poop. I thought he was gonna be more fun, but I guess I was wrong. I don't really remember what it was like when Addison was a little, little baby. I remember her crawling and stuff and we never really played together until she learned how to walk.

I'm not supposed to pick him up by myself 'cause I might accidentally hurt him, so I just hold the bottle up to his mouth and he bites the rubber part and starts sucking away. I'm gonna have to stand here like this until he's all done, and he eats a lot so I'm probably gonna have to go back into the kitchen and get another bottle. Now that he's not crying the room is really quiet. I don't like the quiet, that's why I sleep with a fan on. I yawn and rub my eyes with my other hand and I feel Addison lean against me. See, what did I tell you? Just like a fly on sticky tape.

I just had to ask for a little brother. This is all my fault. I wanted a little brother and I asked Mama about it and she said I'd have to wait and see, and then BAM! I got a little brother. I thought it was bad enough when Addison was a baby 'cause she was always crying and Mama never read to me, but now I'm gonna have two little siblings all over me like flies on sticky tape. What am I gonna do? I can't hide out in the tree house forever. At least now I know to stop asking for stuff. 'Cause you never know if you're really gonna get it.

"What are you kids doing in here?" I hear Mama ask. She sounds really tired. Her voice sounds like there's rocks in her throat. It sounds like that sometimes but only when she stays up for a really long time. Like when her and Mom do 'grown up stuff' together. They haven't done any of that for a long time. She looks over at us and her hair is all messy and she has really big really dark bags under her eyes. That means she hasn't slept in a long time. She has to get up at night to feed Joseph and she took care of him all day yesterday. I'm surprised she woke up.

"My baby was crying and we can't find Mommy," Addison tells her and crawls over to her. She's been acting really weird too. She normally doesn't bother anyone but me. Mom and Mama feel left out 'cause she never asks to play with them or anything. Nope, she just wants to play with me and hang out with my friends and go with us when we ride our bikes. Sometimes I can't leave to go be with my friends because she cries and she doesn't stop 'til I get home. So when the parents don't feel like listenin to her cry they just make me stay home. She is so annoying, hopefully Joseph won't be like that.

"What do you mean you can't find Mommy?" Mama says and sits up. She smiles a little at me and then looks at the basinet. It's not a full smile, just one of those little half ones that she does without really thinkin about it. She told me yesterday she's proud of me for helpin out so much, but whatever. I'm a big brother, that's my job. It's a tough one, and sometimes it's really annoying but somebody's gotta do it.

"I found this on the table," Addison says and picks an envelope off the nightstand and hands it to Mama. There's writing on the front of it and it looks like my mom's handwriting. Addison didn't tell me about that. Why didn't she tell me about it? I'm her big brother, she's supposed to tell me everything, that's how it works. I'll have to have a talk with her about this later. Mama opens it and pulls out a piece of paper. It looks like a note. I wanna read it. I feel somethin pushin on the bottle and I look down. Joseph is pushin on the rubber part with his tongue, that means he doesn't want anymore. So I put the bottle on the little table and then look over at Mama. I don't think there's anything good in that note.

When she's done reading it she jumps out of bed and runs outta the room. Ok, that was weird. What the hell is in the note? Yeah, sometimes I say bad words, but who cares? I'm just thinkin all this, it's not like anyone can hear me. Then Addison jumps off the bed and runs out of the room. She's curiouser then a cat, at least that's what Mom says. And Mama says she takes after Mom 'cause she's so curious. I remember 'cause Mama slept on the couch that night. That was when Mom was still pregnant and the hormones made her crazy or somethin like that.

I don't wanna know what's going on because it isn't good. I saw the look in Mama's eyes before she jumped outta bed. She looks scared and I don't wanna know why. It has somethin to do with Mom, it has to because she didn't look like that until she read the note. And Mom isn't here so I think I got an idea of what the note says. I can't remember the name of that kinda letter, I know I've heard it before on T.V. but it's too early so I can't remember it right now. But it isn't good. On the show the girl wrote the letter to her boyfriend and then she left and she never came back.

I hear footsteps in the living room. I know they're Addison's footsteps because they're light and it sounds like she's running. The sound is getting closer and closer to the room and she'll be in here in about a second. There she is, and she looks a little scared. She runs behind me and hides her face in my back. What is going on? Now I wanna know. I need to know what's scaring my little sister so I can make it go away. Then I see Mama run back into the room and it looks like she's crying. It's so weird. I've never seen her cry before. And if I have I can't remember. Moms aren't supposed to cry, they're supposed to take care of their kids when they cry, so it's weird seein her cry.

She runs over to the closet and pulls the door open. She starts lookin through the clothes, what is she looking for? Then she runs into the bathroom and I can hear her pullin the drawers open. I think I know what's goin on. I look over at the closet and I can't look away. Most of the clothes are gone. Mom likes to hang her shits up 'cause she doesn't like the lines on 'em when you fold 'em up. Mama doesn't really care so she puts hers in the dresser. But she has some stuff hangin up, and those are the only things hangin up in the closet.

She's gone. I know she's gone. Mama probably ran outside to see if Mom's car was in the driveway or not. I'm gonna take a guess and say it isn't there. Why is this happening? Why did my mom leave us? She said she loves us, did she lie? Doesn't she want us anymore? I look over at the bathroom door when I see her walk out and she's just standing there looking at me. I look into her eyes and she has tears in hers and they're runnin down her face now. She knows I know. I can tell. My mom always said I have expressive eyes. I don't know what that means, but I guess that's how they know what I'm thinkin most of the time.

"Take your sister in the living room," she says and her voice sounds really weird. It sounds like it hurts to talk. Probably 'cause she's trying not to cry. "I need to call aunt Willow." My aunt Willow is a witch so if my mom did leave she'll be able to find her. She's done stuff like that before only with demons and stuff. They think I don't listen when they talk about slaying but I do. I'll hide in the hallway far enough away from the living room so they can't see me, but close enough so I can hear.

I have better hearing then the other slayers so I don't need to be as close. I'm stronger too. I'm stronger then Mama but I haven't told anyone yet. I found out when her and uncle Xander where building the training room in the backyard. There was a metal bar that she needed to bend for some reason, but she couldn't do it. She got mad and threw it down and started cussin and went back in the house. I waited until everyone else was in the house 'cause I wasn't allowed around the construction site, and I bent the bar. It was hard but I did it. I don't want anyone to know how strong I am 'cause they might make me go to the slayer school and I don't wanna do that.

I hold onto Addison's hand and leave the room. She's tryin to fight me but I'm stronger then she is so I'm kinda draggin her. I know I'm not hurting her or she'd kick me or somethin. I sit on the couch and she does too. She isn't trying to lean against me or anything and it's starting to freak me out. She's just staring at me because she knows I know something and I haven't told her. But I'm not gonna tell because she'll cry and I hate it when she cries.

"Brother, where's Mommy?" she asks and it sounds like she's gonna cry. Great, now what am I supposed to do? I can't tell her that Mom left because she'll freak out, and I can't tell her that she went to the store or somethin because I don't know what she'll do when Mom doesn't come home in a little bit. And I don't know where she is. She never said anything to me about leaving and I don't think she said where she's goin in the letter or Mama would be in her car right now and drivin like a maniac to get to her.

"I don't know," I tell her and she starts to cry. I hug her but she doesn't hug me back. She's shaking and her tears are gettin my shirt wet but I don't care. She needs me. I don't really remember what it's like not to be a big brother. But I do remember when she was little, really, really little and one day she was sleepin and I snuck into the bedroom and Mama was sleepin too. I walked over to the basinet and just looked at her. She woke up but she didn't cry, she just looked at me. I reached in real slow and touched her cheek and I thought she was gonna cry 'cause her whole body tense up, but she smiled, that was the first time she smiled. I don't know why I'm thinking about that now, but I am. I don't know what's gonna happen now, and I'm scared. For the first time I wish I was a little brother so someone would take care of me like I take care of Addison.

FPOV

"No Willow, she didn't just take a walk, she's gone. She packed up her shit and she left." I'm so pissed off right now I can't see straight. How could she fuckin do this? How could she just take off like that? My dad told me somethin like this might happen if I didn't get her help but I didn't believe him. I guess I should listen to him more often. I try to concentrate when Red starts talkin. She acts if B left a note. "Yeah, she left a letter. She said she needs to leave 'cause she feels suffocated, and she needs to go some place where she can breathe for a while. She doesn't know when she'll be back but she'll call in a couple days."

"Oh my God, Faith...I'm so sorry." Not your fault Red. "That is just so horrible. What do you want me to do? Locator spell? I can do a locator spell." That's exactly what I want.

"Yeah Red, do that." I hear her shuffle some stuff around and then the sound of a lighter bein lit. "I hate ta ask you this but I need you to look after the kids for a couple days. I need to find her and find out what the fuck's goin on inside her head and it might take a while. I knew I should have done something. She's been depressed ever since we got home, I think it started before that, when we were still at the hospital. What the fuck is that matter with me? Why didn't I do anything?" I know I shouldn't but I'm starting to cry.

"Faith you can't blame yourself. She's probably just going through postpartum depression. It happens to a lot of women. We all saw the way she was and none of us did anything so you're not the only one at fault here, we all are. Ok, I need to put the phone down so I'll be right back." Sure they all saw what was goin on but she's my wife! I should have done something! I should have dragged her to the doctor's office and had them diagnose her with whatever it is she has. There's no fuckin way Buffy would just run out on us like that without some type of mental problem.

"Ok, she's on the seventy heading east. She just passed Fremont Junction, that's in Utah. She's got about a five-hour lead. After I hang up I'll teleport over there so you can leave right away." She hangs up the phone and about ten seconds later she's standing in my bedroom, still in her pajamas. Her hair is all fucked up from sleep and she looks really freaked out. She has a map in one hand and a little backpack in the other. That's probably her magic stuff. She rushes over to me and wraps me up in a big hug. It isn't weird like her huggin me normally is.

"Don't worry about a thing, ok? I'll take care of everything here, you just go find her ok? I'll keep tracking her and call if there's any change in direction or if she makes any stops. Don't rush too much, the last thing we need is you gettin in an accident." She lets me go and I run over to the closet and pack a bag. I leave the hanging stuff alone 'cause it's not what I'm gonna need. So I run to the dresser and just start throwin in socks and underwear and t-shirts and jeans. I get dressed and go to the living room. Addy's crying, but she's been crying for a while. I scoop her up in my arms and hug her tight.

"Where's Mommy?" she asks really fuckin loud around a sob. I got tears in my eyes now but I can't let them fall, not in front of her.

"I'm gonna go get her back ok? I have to leave for a little while but aunt Willow is gonna take care of you, and Brother is here if you need him and I'll have grampa Chris come over everyday, ok?" She clings onto me tighter and starts screaming out the word no over and over again. I think it's the only thing she can say right now. "Yeah baby, I'll be back I promise. I need to go get Mommy back, and then we'll come home together." Shouldn't have said that, should not have said that because if I can't get B to come home with me Addy's never gonna be the same.

I hand her to Willow and she has to use some of her magic to make herself stronger so she can hold Addy back. I look over at Mattie and he stands up and just looks at me. I can tell he wants to cry but he's bein strong, at least he's tryin to. I walk up to him and get down on my knees and wrap my arms around him in a big hug. I don't think he can breathe. He knows this is really bad, and he knows there's a chance I'm not gonna be able to bring her back. I don't know how he knows, I just do. I guess it's the look in his eyes that let me know. He has very expressive eyes.

"Everything's gonna be ok," I whisper in his ear and he tightens his grip. "I swear I'll make it better. I swear." I give him a big kiss on the cheek and the tears are buildin up him in his eyes. "I'm gonna be gone for a few days, I need you to take care of your sister and help take care of your brother, alright? I need you to be the man of the house." He nods his head and he knows what I mean by that. I would say more but I don't wanna freak Willow out. What I meant is I need him to protect them. It isn't fair because he's just a kid, but this week there's gonna be a full moon and all the demons are gonna go fuckin crazy. They normally stick to the woods, but on a full moon the werewolves come out to play and the rules change.

"Make sure they stay in the house, alright?" He nods his head and I give him another kiss on the cheek and stand up and take my baby girl into my arms and give her a big hug and a big kiss. She tries to cling onto me but I hand her to Mattie and she calms down a little. I run back into the bedroom and give my baby boy a little kiss on the bridge of his nose and I tell him that I love him. I run out to the living room again and tell it to Addy first, then Mattie. Willow tosses me my cell phone and I catch it without even lookin as I walk out the door.

I throw my bag in the backseat of my car and start her up and peel outta the drive way. I take off down the street and I'm pretty sure a couple of the neighbors woke up. This is gonna be a fuckin nightmare 'cause I gotta go through Vegas to get to the highway and there's always a lot of traffic in Vegas no matter what the Goddam hour is. Don't all those assholes know there's more important stuff then gettin shit faced and losin all their money? I guess not since there's so many of 'em. Once I get through that hellhole I turn onto the fifteen 'cause it breaks off into the seventy at Millard county Utah or somethin like that. Once I'm on the highway I flip open my phone and call Giles. He's pissed 'cause it's early but I don't care.

"Giles, it's Faith. Look I don't gotta lot of time to explain 'cause I'm driving and I'd rather not get in an accident, but I need you to send a team of your best slayers to Lincoln. B took off and I gotta find her and this week is a full moon and it's gonna be hell in a fuckin handbasket if there's no one there to keep the demons in line." I listen as he talks and I sigh. Didn't I tell him I don't have time to explain? "I don't know how long I'm gonna be gone. Red's watchin the kids, and I'm gonna call my dad and have him help her, but it might be a good idea to send down a slayer or two ta help out." I slow down a little bit when I see a cop. Gettin pulled over is the last thing I need. "Yeah, send Sissy, Mattie likes her so he won't get all protective or whatever. I'll call you later but I gotta go." I don't even wait for him to say bye or whatever, I just hang up.

I don't know where B's goin but I gotta pretty good idea. She's either goin to Ohio and she's gonna sweet talk Giles into giving her a room and convince him not to tell anyone she's there, which is stupid 'cause there are so many slayers that would fuckin snitch on her. And this is just a wild, out there guess, but she could be goin to the one place she knows I swore I would never go to again. The place I hate more then prison, worst then livin in crappy motels, worst then bein in a hospital. That's right ladies and gents, I think she's goin to Boston.

The thing is, I swore I would never go back, said the day I go back is the day I die from killin myself for bein dragged back there. But I'd follow B to hell and back and she should fuckin know that. It won't be too long before she figures out she's bein followed. She's a smart girl, I've never doubted that. I wonder how far she's willing to take this little chase. How far gone is she? Will she do something stupid and get herself hurt or even killed just to get away from me? Will she ever wanna come back? It has to be her choice, I'm not gonna force her to do somethin she doesn't wanna do, even if it means single parenthood for me. If she wants help I'll get her help, but I can't force her. I don't know how bad she is, but judgin from the way she was actin the last couple of weeks I'd say she's too far gone for a guilt trip to work.

Her letter was so damn depressing anyone else woulda thought it was a suicide note or something. I know she wouldn't do that. At least I'm prayin she won't do that. She said she'd call, so she will, but what happens after that? What happens when she calls and tells us that she's in a safe place and she'll talk to us later, but then she gets so depressed she wants to end it all? I have to stop her. I have to get to her. I have to make sure she's ok. I need to make sure she's ok. If she needs time, and she needs space away from us I'll give it to her. If she wants to walk away from everything we have together…I don't know what I'll do, but I'm not gonna force her to come home. My cell phone starts ringing, and I look at the little screen before answering.

"Hold on a second," I say and then hook the phone up to my stereo and turn the speakers on. This way I don't have to hold the phone up to my ear while I drive. "Ok, Red, where is she?" I hear Red sigh and I can tell she doesn't wanna say it but she wouldn't have called unless it was important. "Red, I don't got any patience right now, so just spit it out."

"Sorry about the pause I'm trying to change Joseph's diaper and he's being difficult." I can't help but smile. That's my boy, give her hell. "Giles just called and he wants to know if you want a team of slayers out looking for her too. He said he can call the ones who live near where she is now or a few miles ahead of where she's going and have them waiting for her." I've thought about that and I thought about all the possible outcomes and it wouldn't be pretty.

"Nah Red, we better not. You remember what she did to Angel's P.I. when she saw him followin her. And she's fucked up 'cause of all the hormones and shit. Let's just back off, give her some space. I'll talk to her when I find her. How are the kids doin?" I gotta ask about them. I am worried, even with all this other shit goin on, I'm still worried about them. She says a rushed 'hold on' and puts the phone down. She starts talkin to Joseph, and I know she's talkin to him 'cause she's doin that baby-talk bullshit, but whatever.

"Ok, I'm back. That is a good point. I'll call Giles back and tell him that. He also said he's going to sound out five slayers to patrol at night and two more to help around here during the day. Did you ask him to do that or do you not want a bunch of people in your house, or what?" I probably shoulda called Red and told her what's goin on.

"I told him to send 'em. This week is a full more so things are gonna get fuckin crazy. If Matthew does out with his friends I want him back in the house half and hour before sunset, tell him that ok? I don't wanna take any chances. Thanks Willow for doin this. I gotta go, the traffic's gettin pretty heavy so I'll talk to you later. I'll call when I stop to get gas or somethin. When the kids get hungry there's waffles in the freezer. And when the breast milk runs out get the formula for sensitive stomachs, he's never had it before and I don't want it to fuck him up."

"Ok Faith, I'll do that. Talk to you later." And she hangs up. I close the phone and concentrate on the road. This is fuckin bullshit. Why didn't she just talk to me? If she wanted space I couldn't helped her out, set her up at a nice hotel or somethin, but no. She had to just fuckin take off like this, scare the hell outta the kids, and freak me the fuck out. What, did she think I'd really just let her go? I love her too much to just leave her. We'll hash this out and if she still wants space then I'll give it to her but I need to talk to her, and I just sit around and wait for her to call. I need her, I can't do any of this by myself. Does she really think I can live without her? I'm gonna make her see that. I have to, because if she wants to walk away I don't know how I'm gonna deal.

BPOV

"The only room we have left is a king, it'll be sixty-four seventy-seven, would you like that?" the woman behind the best asks. I drove for a little over seven hours before I thought I was gonna fall asleep behind the wheel. So I pulled over in a little town, I don't even remember the name of it. And this lady is telling me the only room they have is going to cost me seventy bucks. I'm having a really bad day. I left after Faith fell asleep last night. I didn't have to wait too long because she's been exhausted lately. It took me forever to pack my bags because I had to be super quiet. Then I put my car in neutral and pushed it for a couple of blocks before I started it. And all of that is a lot harder then it sounds.

"Yeah, I'll take it," I tell her and put my credit card on the counter. I show her my id and then sign the receipt thingy. I know, I know, it's a really dumb idea using credit cards because it'll just make it easier for Willow to track me. You didn't think I knew Faith would call her? I'm not stupid, I've lived with her for over a decade. Kennedy is her best friend but whenever she needs help when it comes to magic she always goes to Willow. That's why I forced a demon to do some mojo on me. Everyone thinks I'm on highway seventy heading east but I'm not.

"Thank you, ma'am, have a nice day." I think I mumble out a 'you too', but I'm not really paying attention to anything. I'm just so tired. Seven hours on the road and I have another five to get there. Of course that's just the mapquest estimate. It's going to take way longer because of the traffic. I've sent them in the complete opposite of where I'm really going. I know Faith hates Boston, so she's going to think I'm going there just because she hates it. Plus with that little spell the demon did for me it'll have all of them thinking it. The spell will wear off in a few days and they'll find me but I'm not going to worry about that not.

I walk up to my room and collapse on the bed. My bags are still in the car but I'm not going to need them any time soon. I know this is selfish, but it just feels so damn good to be out of that house. I don't feel as free as I want, but I can breathe a little easier. I just felt so repressed, but I'm away from that now, and as soon as I get better everything is going to be ok again. I'll be able to smile and talk to people and want to pay attention to my kids. I'll be able to make love with my wife and tell her how much I love her. And I'll be able to feel it again. I'll be able to feel how much I love her, how much I love all of them. Right now I can't feel it, and it's scary, so that's why this little vacation is just the thing I need.

Everyone's going to be mad, I know that. I can't think about it or else I'll start to feel guilty again. I just want to sleep for now. I'll go out to eat later. I've never been here before so I don't know what they're going to have. Maybe I'll just go to a McDonalds or a Burger King. Everyone has one of those, right? It doesn't matter. I could just wait until tonight and eat here. They have an ok restaurant but they don't serve lunch, only dinner and breakfast. I'm sure by the time I wake up it'll be time for dinner so I'm not going to worry about it anymore. This is supposed to be a stress free type of deal, and I'm stressing over something really stupid. Besides it's only...eight thirty in the morning. Hmm, maybe I will head downstairs and eat breakfast.

Ya know, this place isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It has a nice pool, a great spread of food, great service. Maybe Faith and I should go on vacation more often. I mean, we could always get someone to watch the kids for a couple of days. Wait...I don't think anyone is going to watch Joseph for us because he's still really little. He needs us too much for that. I am worried about him, don't get me wrong, but I know Faith will take care of him. She isn't going to abandon our kids to look for me. I only had the spell done in case they send out a team of slayers or something.

I grab a plate and stack it high with waffles, slather them with maple syrup and then get a little bowl of fresh strawberries. I don't want any coffee and the milk here is two percent and no thank you to that. I might as well be drinking white water.

I go outside and sit in the little patio area. The pool isn't far from here and there are a few more people out here. A couple guys, probably in college or something like that. It's nice and cool out here. Nevada is always warm during the day. I know it's going to be too cold to go swimming since it's March. And one of the guys is walking this way with a big dumb smile on his face. I so don't need this right now.

"Hi there, mind if I sit down?" he asks and motions for the chair across from me. At least he doesn't want to sit down right next to me, that's a bonus. So I just shake my head no and he sits down. I don't plan on talking to him or anything, and I would never cheat on Faith, but he looks like the kind of guy whose used to getting his way. I might as well let him sit down and then go back to my room when I'm done eating then listen to him try to convince me to let him to talk me.

"That's quite the stack you got there." I just nod my head and take another bite of waffle. He gets a concerned look on his face and shifts around so he's leaning on the table a little, closer to me. Great, not the 'concerned guy routine'. I really don't need this. I should've taken my food back to my room. That's where it's safe from people. Not just him, but all people. "You seem a little down. Is your husband not treating you right?" I look up at him with this 'what the fuck are you talking about?' type of look and he takes the offense. "I don't mean to intrude, but a beautiful girl like you...I'm surprised he isn't down here right now doing everything he can to make you happy." Good save, very good save.

"Thanks for your concern, but I don't have a husband, I have a wife, and she treats me just fine." I know I don't sound very convincing. I sound almost bored. I really don't want to be talking with this jackass. He wants to get into my pants, that much is obvious, but he isn't going to get any so he shouldn't bother. I ignore the stunned look on his face and the goofy smile and keep eating. I didn't even know I was this hungry until I took the first bite. I'm probably going to have to go back for seconds. That I'll just take up to my room.

"Is your wife here now?" If he could be any more obvious that he's thinking about a three some I'd probably lose my temper. I just shake my head no and he gets another goofy smile on his face. Before getting together with Faith I probably would have found that smile cute or whatever. But I don't think it's cute, it's just really annoying. "Whatta you say, you and me go back to my room? I can show you what it's like to be with a real man." I look up at him with this 'what the fuck is wrong with you?' look on my face and he just smiles. I stand up and glare at him and his stupid smile leaves his stupid face.

"I'm going to say 'no'." I walk away and leave my food there. I can always get another plate later, and I'm not hungry anymore. I hear the chair scraping against the ground and then footsteps walking towards me. Why is he bothering me? I told him no, didn't I? I remember me saying no. I guess he's just one of those guys whose used to getting his way. See, I told you. I'm usually right about these kinds of things.

"Wait," he says and starts walking right next to me. "I'm sorry, that was out of line." No fucking shit. "Let me start over ok?" I give him a little glare and keep walking. But he isn't going to be giving up any time soon. Maybe I should just go to another motel. I'm sure they have plenty of them around here. This is what I get for eating outside. I should just stay in my room until I'm ready to leave. Fuck, I can't do that. My bags are still in my car and I'm going to need them sometime today.

"No. I don't want you to start over. I'm married, ok? So I just want you to leave me alone." I walk a little faster but he's right at my side. This guy is really starting to bug me. Why didn't his parents teach him the meaning of the word 'no'? Sometimes I really hate spoiled kids. I mean, I spoil mine, but they listen…sometimes. Ok, so they listen to Faith more then me, but at least they listen to somebody. "Look…I'm not interested in you. For one, you have a penis. And two, you're not my wife, so why don't you just go back downstairs with your friends and leave me the hell alone?" I stop walking and give him a challenging look, but he isn't backing down.

"Alright, I'll back off. But if you change your mind and you want some cheering up I'm in room nineteen." There will be no cheering up. Maybe if I told him that I'm a mom he would have backed off. That always seems to make a guy flaccid really fast. I guess I'll jus save that for later when he hits on me again because I know he's going to. I kinda wish I had Warren's invisible ray gun thing. I could turn myself invisible until I feel like being seen again. The only reason I was dying was because they hit me with too big of a ray or something. So a normal dose wouldn't hurt me. Yeah, invisible, that's what I want to be.

I go into my room and crawl under the very soft covers and lay down on the comfortable bed. I close my eyes and let out a small sigh. I just want to go to sleep and forget about everything. I want to sleep so I don't have to think about what's been going on. I want to sleep so I can I stop feeling guilty about leaving. This was a good choice so I have no reason to doubt myself. Faith will take care of the kids. She has an army of help if she needs it, and I know she does because she's been so exhausted. I wish I could help her, I really do, but I can't. I just can't force myself to do anything really.

Leaving is the best decision I could have made. If I stayed there I'd just get worst and I might have hurt myself or someone else. On accident, I'd never hurt anyone on purpose, but I've been so exhausted that I could have been changing Joseph and accidentally dropped him when I picked him up or something. And I'm so tired because I feel so boxed in. It's hard to explain. I just feel so exhausted all the time, and no matter how much sleep I get I still feel like I've been up for days. So this little vacation is going to do me a lot of good. I'm away from the stress so I can sleep easy. And when I'm better I'll go home and resume my responsibilities and then everything will be better again.

FPOV

I pull into the parking lot and slowly scan it with my eyes. I see what I'm looking for and I slowly drive over to it. I park behind the silver Toyota and shut off the engine. This is the only car in this little parking area so I'm not blocking anyone else in. I've gotten this far, I finally found her, and I'm not going to give her another chance to run. Willow called when I had been on the road for a little over an hour and said that Buffy had tricked us. She said she was a little suspicious of it in the first place but she didn't want to say anything just in case she was wrong. So she did a couple of spells and finally found what B had done. Somehow she cast a spell, probably had someone else do it for her, so any locator spell that was done would show her heading east. But she was really heading west.

And now here I am, in the parking lot of a Super Motel 8, sitting in my car like a jackass. I can't wait to see her but I have to keep myself calm. She's probably goin through something fierce and I need to try to be understanding. I can't just drag her back home kicking and screaming and then have her explain why she took off. I need to be calm. So why does it feel like I can't breathe? Oh well, I'll think about it later. I jump outta my car and run into the building and walk up to the front desk. The woman behind the counter looks like she's about to say somethin about my parking job so I'll start.

"The woman who owns the Corolla, blonde, about five one, name's Buffy Summers, where is she?" She doesn't answer me, she looks too scared. Maybe I am coming on a little too strong. Then again, maybe not. "Listen, I've had a really bad day, and I really need to talk to her, so where is she?" I lean towards the counter a little more and give her my best threatening look. I am going to see Buffy, even if I have to pound on every door in this place. It's only five in the afternoon so there probably aren't a lot of sleeping people. But you never know. I'm sure B's exhausted after all that running away. Hell, I'm exhausted from trying to find her and taking care of our kids. I might even get a room here for tonight and head home when I get through talking with B.

"She's upstairs, room two-thirteen." See, I still got it. I'm a way better person then I used to be, but I can still bring on that murderous look when I need to. I am Faith, fear me. I say a little thanks and then run up the stairs and start looking for room two-thirteen. I make sure to walk nice and slow. If I walk too fast or stomp or somethin she'll be able to hear my boots on the floor. Even thought it's carpeted she'll still be able to hear it. What with her slayer hearing and everything. I kinda hope she's asleep otherwise she'll be able to feel me coming and she might bolt.

And here it is, room two-thirteen. I can feel her, the nice little tingles that run all over my body whenever we're near each other 'cause we're both slayers. But I think it's more then that. I mean, I feel the tingles with other slayers, but they're never this strong. Maybe they're this strong because we're lovers? I don't know. I remember one day Giles was rambling on and on about something to do with our slayer sides, it sounded too much like some soul mate bullshit and I don't really believe in that stuff. But you never know. I could be completely wrong and B could be my soul mate.

Ok, enough stalling. I need to go in there now. I lightly knock on the door but I don't hear any movement. I grab the doorknob and slowly turn it until I hear the little snap of the lock breaking. I'll just pay 'em back for that. How much could one lock cost, right? I slowly open the door and it's completely dark. I step inside and shut the door. It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust. She's asleep in the bed. She's facing me and I can see her face perfectly. She doesn't look troubled like she did at home. She looks completely relaxed and I can't help but smile a little bit.

I take off my boots and crawl under the covers and I'm really fuckin careful not to wake her up. I wrap my arms around her and she mumbles a little bit and moves around but she stays asleep. We haven't touched like this in a long time because she's been so distant. We tried having sex once since Joey was born but she wasn't into it, and when I looked into her eyes after I rolled off her she didn't look like herself at all. She looked empty, and I knew this wasn't Buffy. This was just some shell of a person. I should have gotten her help right then, but I thought she would get better on her own. I guess I was wrong. Maybe I'm not as good a wife as I thought I was. I try to fight the sleep that's taking me over but I give up the fight and let unconsciousness take me away.

------------------

I take a look around the room I'm in. I don't recognize it at all. I know I've never been here before, but it somehow feels…familiar? The walls are a light off white color, like a very, very, very pale yellow. The bedspread on the full size bed is pink with little flowers all over it. The dresser and nightstands are painted white. There are pictures on the walls of flower filled meadows and stuff like that. There are some pictures on the nightstand in some really nice frames, I can't get a good look, but from here it looks like a happy family, a mom, dad, two little girls one blonde, the other brunette. I take a look outside the window at the nice backyard. The sun is shining pretty bright and it's streaming in here so there's no need for any lights to be on, and they're not.

"I was wondering when you'd show up," I hear a voice say from behind me. I know who it is, I know the voice, plus I can feel them. I don't hurt around to look, I just keep staring out the window as the little bird hops along the tree branch. It's just a little baby, and it doesn't now how to fly. I watch as it slips and falls and right before it hits the ground it disappears and it's back up on the tree branch, hopping, and falling and starting all over again.

"Well, you know me, always gotta make an appearance." I hear the blanket on the bed shift as she sits down. She's uncomfortable but I'm not going anywhere. I don't even know how I got here. She did this not me, so why should I leave. I kinda like it here. "I like this place," I tell her and look up at the ceiling and then scan the walls, but I don't look at her. Then my eyes fall on the picture of the family on the nightstand. "It's homey." I see her out of the corner of my eye. She looks down at her hands and she looks a little guilty.

"Yeah, that's why I came here. Wasn't really expecting company or I would have cleaned up." I look out the window again. The little bird is about to fall, but it'll be ok because the event keeps repeating itself and the bird never gets hurt. This is insanity, that's where I am right now. Everything is repeating itself and expecting different results. Because it's not just the bird that keeps disappearing and reappearing on the tree. There's a dog in the next yard and it's jumping up and down at the kitchen window trying to get the pie that's cooling on the sill. He bites onto the edge of the pan and pulls and right before the steaming pie lands on his head everything starts over.

"Don't change anything on my account." We sit in silence for a few minutes and I can't take my eyes off of the outside world. Everything is trying to change so there's nothing wrong, but everything is wrong. The only safe place is here in this room. I sigh and finally let my eyes land on her form. She looks better then the last time I saw her. Refreshed, I guess. No dark circles under her eyes, no empty look, she looks powder fresh. She just looks better, like the woman I fell in love with. "So do you want to keep pussyfooting around, or get straight to the point?" She sighs and looks around the room.

"You never did like the fall down the rabbit hole," she says and sighs again. Why is she sighing so much? And what's with the Alice in Wonderland reference? Is she trying to make this a riddle or something? "Too impatient, it takes too long. You just want to get to the bottom and get to the good stuff." She looks at me, and she smiles a little. It's a real genuine smile and I haven't seen one like that in a really long time. Not from her, at least.

"What's going on B?" I ask and look out the window again, and everything is different. Well, it's all still in the same in that it's repeating itself over and over and over again like before, but the color's all messed up. Everything has a light green tint to it, all the buildings, the ground, the fences, and every other stationary thing. The bird is a florescent pink, the dog is purple and the pie is neon yellow. So everything is the same, but it's different at the same time. I don't get it. "Everything is insane." She stands up and walks over to the window. She just looks out it and I can't see her face 'cause her back is too me but her shoulders are a little tense so she isn't happy anymore.

"Yeah it is. Everything is falling apart. And the Mad Hatter isn't even here yet." What is it with her and all these Alice in Wonderland references? I don't get why she's comparing everything to that stupid cartoon. None of it makes any sense anyway. "I'm still trapped in the bottle being carried off by the waves and water spilling over the side, making it hard to breathe." I think I'm starting to understand all this crazy shit. I'd probably understand it more if I were high right now, but whatever.

"This is insanity, right? You described it before. People doing things over and over and thinking it'll turn out different. That's what it is to be insane?" I nod my head even though she can't see it. She turns her head so she can look at me through the corner of her eye. "And the lights go off, and then I turned around, and I got to see her face as she was falling away, and she looked just like me." First Alice in Wonderland, now song lyrics, what next? Is she gonna start quoting movies and T.V. shows too?

Then she looks out the window again and I do too. I take a step closer when I see somethin different. I see Buffy, but she looks different. She's dressed in shitty clothes, her hair looks like it hasn't been washed in months, and she's dirty all over. She has a dirty rag in her hand and she's wiping at her face with it, like she's trying to clean herself or something. But nothing's happening. This is what she was talking about when she described insanity, not the rest of the world, but herself, or that other her.

"You don't know what it's like," she whispers and I barely hear her. "The suffocation fills the room and everything fades to black. The box doesn't seem as interesting and the apples don't look as tasty." What the fuck is she talking about? I gotta stop having shared, slayer dreams with B, they always give me a headache. "I feel like I'm dieing but it just doesn't happen. I'm caught in the in between and I don't know how to get out. I started under and I'm sinking fast and there's nothing for me to grab onto." I walk up to her and grab her by the shoulders and turn her so she's facing me.

"You can grab onto me, Buffy. I can save you. I can pull you out. You just have to trust me. You just have to tell me what's going on. I can fix it. I can fix all of it. Or I can find someone who can fix it. Please, baby, please just let me help you. I can help you, and everything will be ok again." She looks so calm about all of this and her tone from before kinda scared me. She talked about it in a way too calm for comfort voice. She gets a sad look on her face and a single tear runs down her cheek.

"You can't make any promises. Nothing is a guarantee. I can't go back with you. I have to stay here. I have to protect it from the dark. I have to keep the light on, because if it goes out…" she looks out the window and more tears scream down her face. "The insanity will get it." She looks at me again and I wipe away her tears with my thumbs but it doesn't do anything, the tears are still there, like I'm not even touching her or something, or there's some kinda clear wrap around her. Then she looks me dead in the eyes and she softly smiles. "It's time to wake up Faith." And everything goes black.


	40. Midnight Mayhem

**The Same Day.** FPOV

I open my eyes and everything is dark. Where the fuck am I? I can't remember anything except that fuckin dream. Buffy was talking about insanity and keeping a light on or something. I still don't understand all of it. And there was something about a box and an apple. Does she want me to get her an apple inside a box or something? I don't know, but it fuckin freaked me out. She can't come back with me. Was she talking about waking up or going home with me? I don't know, and there's only one way to find out. I look down at the head resting on my chest and I smile. She hasn't cuddled up to me like that in a while.

"Baby," I whisper and lightly shake her shoulder. Why is it so dark in here? It wasn't this dark before. Oh, the sun went down, maybe that's why. What time is it? I look over at the clock on the bedside table. Oh, it's three in the morning. Well, at least I didn't wake up at an indecent hour, 'cause that would've been bad. I reach over and flip on the lamp and my eyes slam shut from the pain. Buffy lets out a long very angry sounding groan and moves around a little bit. At least she's awake.

"I was talking about a metaphorical light. Turn that off." At least she knows I'm here and won't be all surprised when she opens her eyes. "Faith, turn it off." She knees me in my thigh and I smile a little and shut off the light. She lets out a sigh, only this one sounds…happy, I guess. She relaxes against me and I can feel her smiling. "I never wanna leave here." I tense up a little bit and she notices. "I meant your arms. I never wanna leave your arms." Oh, ok. She scoots up a little and I can feel her breath on my neck. It makes me shiver a little but in a very good way.

"I'm not ready to go home yet. I can't go back there, not until I have everything figured out." What is there to figure out? I don't get it. Why won't she just tell me? Why can't she open up and tell me what's going on inside her head. I was just there, but none of it made sense. She seemed to have a pretty firm grasp on things. "I know you want me to open up to you but this is something I have to do on my own. Everything I've ever done is coming into question and I have to know if I've made the right decisions. No one can help me figure that out." She's wrong.

"A professional can help, Buffy. Maybe you just need to talk to someone who's dealt with this kinda stuff before. People go through shit like this all the time. It might help if you talked to someone." She doesn't say anything or respond for a few minutes. Then she sighs and I feel the gush of breath against my neck and I shiver again. I feel her index finger running along the collar of my shirt and gently brushing against the tops of my breasts. She's trying to distract me.

"I'll think about it. I mean, if I see a professional I'm not going to be able to tell them everything. I'll have to leave out the slaying stuff." That's true. She can always talk to the psychologist at the slayer school. There are a couple of those there in case the girls need to talk to someone. "But I don't wanna think about that right now. Right now," she says in her naughty voice. I love her naughty voice. "I wanna make love to my beautiful wife." She starts to gently suck on my neck and I know she's gonna leave a hickie. She's going to enjoy the freedom of doing that since we're not at home I won't have to explain what it is to Mattie, and I won't get pissy with her for puttin me in that position.

Quicker then the blink of an eye she straddles my waist and she's smiling a big, toothy smile. I haven't seen her so carefree in a long time. Maybe our little head-trip did her some good. She got to talk about her problems in a very confusing and cryptic way. But she's my baby and I love her. The blankets fall off her shoulders and land around her waist. She's gently caressing my stomach and it feels pretty good. It's been a while since I've felt her touch me like this. I'm not even gonna think about the last time we tried to make love. I don't wanna put a damper on her playful mood. She slides her hands up my shirt and her eyes get a little bigger when she reaches my tits.

"Someone isn't wearing a bra today." She lifts my shirt up and then leans down and takes one of my nipples into her mouth. I moan a little and my hands are instantly on the back of her head. She gently sucks on me until my nipple is rock hard. She gently scrapes it when her teeth and I shudder and moan a little louder. Then there's a loud knock on the door. I'm gonna fuckin kill whoever's on the other side.

"I'm sorry, ma'am but I need you to move your car before I have it towed!" the desk clerk yells. Fuck, she's still here. I thought they'd have a new person by now. I'm surprised they haven't towed my car yet. Fuck, I'm grateful but still it's been there all fuckin night. B sits up and gives me a weird look and I just smile and slowly sit up and give her a little kiss on the lips.

"I'll be right back." I give her another little kiss and gently lift her off me and get off the bed. I slip my boots back on and I feel her wrap her arms around my waist and she starts kissing my neck. "Baby, I gotta go move my car or they're gonna tow it." She sighs but doesn't let me go. I wonder what's up. "You wanna come down with me?" I feel her nod her head and she holds onto my hand. I grab my keys off the nightstand and we leave the room. The desk clerk already left. I hope she isn't callin the towing company. We go outside and B stops dead in her tracks when she sees where my car is. I guess I got some explaining to do.

"Yeah...right, well, I wasn't sure how you were gonna react to seein me and I didn't want you to run before we had a chance to talk so I blocked ya in." I hope she doesn't get mad, especially now that I'm all worked up I really don't want her to be mad at me. I'm not just saying that I wanna get some, sure I do, but I wanna make her feel good too, ya know? Her life has been kinda shitty the last couple months and I want to make that go away even if it's only for a few minutes. I use the little clicker thing on my key ring to unlock the car and B lets go of my hand and gets in the passenger seat. Well, if she isn't going back up to the room in a big huff then maybe she isn't mad.

I get in the driver's seat and start up the car. It vibrates as it comes to life and B shifts around a little bit. The main reason she didn't wanna ride with me on my bike is because it always made her so damn horny. She responds very well to vibrations and she loves it when I hum when I go down on her. And I plan on doin just that as soon as we get back up to the room. I find a space at the very back of the parking lot. There's only one light and it's pretty far away so it's dark where we are. This is the perfect place to mug someone, they should get more lights back here.

"You ready to go back up, B?" I ask and look over at her and shut off the engine. She gives me a very devilish smile and I don't know if I should be afraid or not. Then she leans forward and crushes our lips together and starts kissing me hard. I think my lips are gonna be bruised if she isn't careful. Then I feel her tongue gently rub against my bottom lip and I open my mouth and invite her in. We swirl our tongues together and then I suck on the tip of hers and she starts moaning. Oh yeah, nothing like a little tongue suckin to really get her worked up. We break apart when I feel like my lungs are gonna explode. She looks at the backseat and she has nothin but lust in her dark green eyes. I love it when they get this color 'cause that means she's willing to do somethin risky. And by risky I mean sex in public.

"Is there room for those bags in the trunk?" she asks and smiles that little devilish smile again. I lean forward and give her a kiss and then grab the bags and get outta the car. Thank God I cleaned out my trunk a few months ago or there would be no room for these. I hop back in the car and lock the doors. B's already in the backseat, which is good 'cause if we tried to go back at the same time it coulda gotten painful. I crawl between the seats and starts running her hands up and down my arms. I lean into her until she's on her back and I'm lying on top of her. I look into her eyes, and they have their sparkle back. She doesn't look like an empty shell anymore.

"Don't ever run away again, ok?" I whisper and she smiles and nods her head. We kiss again only this time it isn't rushed or rough like the others. It's slow and tender, but I can feel the passion behind it and I'm sure she can too. But then I remember something from earlier. I don't know why I'm thinking about it now. But now that it's in my mind it's gonna bug the hell outta me so I might as well ask. I pull back from the kiss and look into her eyes and she looks so damn sexy. "In the dream you said somethin about a box and some apples, what the hell were you talkin about?" She smiles and leaves a little peck on my lips.

"Pandora's Box and the apples in the garden of Eden. All the people were told no and they were so curious that they either opened the box or ate the apple. What I meant was, all my curiosity for…everything was gone. I didn't want to find out anything about Joseph or anything else that was going on in the world. But I think I'm getting better..." she smiles and leans her head up and gives me a little kiss. "Because I really wanna know what you're wearing under those pants." We kiss again and this time it's more passionate then the previous ones. It's tongue, and teeth, and lips and a strong need to feel more of each other.

I moan into her mouth when I feel her fingertips graze the skin of my stomach. She grabs onto the hem of my shirt and slowly pulls it up. She tosses it aside and starts kissing my neck and she leaves a pretty good-sized hickie. That one might be there for a few hours. I take off her shirt and she hisses in a breath when the cold air hits her very sensitive tits. I scoot down her body until I'm eye level with her breasts and glance up at her for a second. She doesn't look like she's gonna say no like I thought she was gonna. I lightly lick the tip of her hard nipple and she hisses in another breath. I wrap my mouth around it and gently swirl my tongue around her peak and she starts moaning like there's no tomorrow.

I feel her hands on my shoulders and she's tryin to pull me up. So I stop my assault on her nipple and scoot up a little and gently kiss her on the lips. She unbuttons and unzips my pants and then I pull them down. They get caught around my ankles though. I probably shoulda taken the boots off first. I kick those and the pants off and Buffy giggles a little bit. This would be a lot fuckin easier if we were in a bed. But hey, I'm gonna get some so I'm not gonna complain.

"No bra or panties. You were either in an incredible hurry or you really wanted to get some," she says and giggles but I don't think it's funny. But whatever. I kiss her again. I lightly flick the tip of my tongue on the roof of her mouth and she shudders. She loves it when I do that. I reach down and slowly unbutton her jeans. We pull back from the kiss when oxygen becomes and issue and she starts suckin on my neck again. I pull her jeans and panties down as far as I can and she kicks 'em off. She wraps her legs around my back and I press my pussy against hers and we both moan at the contact. I missed this so damn much. Feeling her against me when we come...I can't believe how much I missed it.

"God baby, your pussy feels so fuckin good," I whisper in her ear and we start up a very slow rhythm. I thought we'd go faster then this 'cause we haven't had sex in so long, but I think going fast would cheapen this, and this isn't something that should be cheapened. I kiss at her pulse point and gently suck on the hot flesh. We're not goin fast but our thrusts are hard and I can feel the car bouncin along with our rhythm. If a cop sees this and comes over to investigate he'll definitely be seein a show worth watchin. Hell, he might not interrupt us, he'll probably wait 'til we're done to arrest us. Ok, I gotta stop thinkin about that.

"Baby," B whispers and takes in a deep breath when I gently bite her pulse point. She loves it when I do that. "I love you so much." I mumble it back but I'm focusing more on the feel of her wet, dripping pussy pulsating against mine. I stop suckin on her neck and just concentrate on the feeling. Our thrusts are speeding up and I know we're both fuckin close. I'm bein really fuckin quiet 'cause I know if I start talkin now it'll wake up the whole damn motel complex and that'd be bad. I can feel my orgasm building in my stomach. It's getting tighter and tighter and tighter. I just need one little thing and I'll pop, just one little thing, but I don't know what.

I feel B take my earlobe between her teeth and she pulls on it. Then she wraps her lips around it and starts sucking and I fuckin explode. I can feel it rush outta me and get all over Buffy. My muscles are so fuckin tight I feel like they're gonna snap. I eyes are squeezed shut so tight I'm already gettin a headache. But all of it feels so fuckin good. Then I feel B's orgasm against me and she bites on my earlobe so fuckin hard I think there's gonna be blood. I collapse against her. Our breathing is so fuckin heavy we're practically bouncin off each other. We calm down after a few minutes and we just lay here. She has her arms wrapped around me and I'm lightly kissin her ear. I can't help but smile 'cause I know exactly how she's gonna react to what I'm about to say.

"Mmmm," I moan a little and give her ear one more kiss. "You get to clean up the wet spot." She tenses up a little and then lets out a high pitched 'what?' I love it when she does that. It's so fuckin cute. What I said might start a fight, but hearin her sound so cute is totally worth it. I love messin with her like this, it's one of my favorite pass times. And my all time favorite pass time...you guessed it: sex with B. "It was your idea to have sex in the car so you get to clean up our come."

"But, but, but, but half of it is yours, and you came first so you should have to clean it up." She always makes that argument. She's the one who came up with the 'whoever comes first has to sleep in the wet spot' rule when we had a full sized bed, so we upgraded to a queen 'cause she usually comes before me and she got tired of always fallin asleep in a cold puddle of fluid.

"I'm just kidding, baby, don't worry about it. I'll clean it up later." I kiss her on the neck and she relaxes again. She giggles a little bit and then lets out a very happy sounding sigh. I don't know how a sigh can sound happy but this one does. "We need to get up, baby. We can fall asleep here." She lets out a little 'mmm-hmm' and I know she's already dozing off. So I leave a little kiss on her cheek and get dressed.

I dress her and she doesn't fight it too much. She gets really crabby when she's tired and half asleep. I lock up my car and carry her bridal style back to the room. I can't believe we had sex in my car when we have a perfectly good motel room right here. But I guess it doesn't matter. She's getting better, that's the important thing. And when we get home she's going to get some help and soon she'll be on the road to recovery.

BPOV

We've been here for two days. Faith has mentioned going back but she hasn't really asked if I'm ready or not. I'm not ready yet. I'm not afraid of the responsibility of having a new baby or anything. I guess I'm afraid to face the kids. They're going to be so mad at me. Addison is going to ask why I took off and I know she isn't going to understand it all because she's only three. So that's why I'm hesitating. I'm a slayer for God sakes. I've slayed vampires and killed demons, come up against the ultimate evil and almost died fighting it, and I'm afraid of two little kids. I guess this is different though, because these aren't just two little kids, these are my little kids.

I walk out of the bathroom and see Faith lying on the bed watching T.V. She's wearing a black tank top, some really short jean shorts, and she's barefoot, and she has her ankles crossed. She always sits like that when she watches T.V. in bed, unless I'm lying down with her. When I'm with her she doesn't cross her ankles and I almost always use her thighs as a pillow, and she runs her fingers through my hair. It's our quiet time together, and we don't take it for granted anymore because once I had Matthew we got almost no quiet time together. And when we get home we're not going to have any. So we might as well take advantage of the situation.

"What are you watching, baby?" I ask and lay down on the bed. She smiles and uncrosses her ankles and I rest my head on her thighs. She mumbles something but I'm not really paying attention because I'm too distracted by her magic fingers running through my hair and massaging my scalp. As good as this feels I can't help but feel a little guilty. We're here relaxing and enjoying ourselves, and the kids are probably worried sick. Faith called them yesterday to let them know that we're ok but they're probably wondering where we are and when we're coming back.

"Baby," I whisper and roll over onto my back and look up at her. "We have to go back now. I'm worried about them, and they're probably freaking out." She smiles and nods her head a little bit. She looks really happy. I guess she's glad I'm ready to go back. I think she thought I'd want to stay here longer. But I don't. I want to go home now. If we pack up and leave right now we can get home hopefully before eleven tonight. I get up and start cleaning up the room. We didn't really unpack. We just put our already worn clothes on the floor and our clean stuff is still in the bags. I smile when I feel her wrap her arms around my waist and she softly kisses my neck.

"I love you, baby. I don't think I tell you that enough, but I do." I turn around in her arms and gently kiss her on the lips. It starts to get heated and I know what it's going to lead to but we can't. Not right now. We need to get home. I miss my kids and I'm starting to overload with guilt about abandoning them the way I did. I pull back from the kiss and rest my forehead on hers. We're both breathing pretty hard and I know she wants to go farther but she also knows that I don't. "I'll call Willow, tell her we're on our way. She'll probably cry with relief." I chuckle a little and give her one more kiss.

While Faith's on the phone and I load up the cars with our stuff. It's too bad we can't drive back together, as in the same car, but we can't. If I ever run away again remind me to take a bus. That was sarcastic because I am not going to run away again. All that stuff that I was worried about before, thinking that I was stuck with becoming a mother, that it was all a mistake, it's not. There are so many other things I could have done with my life, but I don't think any of them would have been this rewarding or important. I know that now, and nothing is going to change my mind of that.

"Hi there," I hear someone say behind me. I turn around and see…great, it's that stupid guy from the other day. I so do not need this right now. I haven't really left my room since our…encounter. I didn't want to leave Faith's side. It's not like we were being intimate the entire or anything. Just the basic places: once in the car, twice in the bed, once in the shower, and once in the hot tub. Come on, you have to have sex in a hot tub at least once a year. It's like a law or something.

"Uh, hi." I tell him. I see Faith walking down the stairs and we lock gazes. I give her a desperate look and she smiles a little until she notices the college guy in front of me. Her smile goes away and it's replaced with a look that could boil skin. Awww, my baby's jealous. God, I love her so much. I look back at the guy and only half pay attention as he rambles on and on about…something stupid. I'm not paying attention so I have no idea what he's talking about. Then Faith walks by and 'accidentally' bumps into his shoulder and stands next to me. She wraps her arm around my shoulder and gives me a little kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, B. I was wondering where you wandered off too." I try not to roll my eyes and then she looks over at the guy. He looks a little…shocked isn't a strong enough word. Whatever comes after shocked, that's what he is. "Thanks for keeping her company, but we gotta get goin." I don't like it when she says stuff like that. I'm her wife, not a child. I don't need someone to look after me. But she's getting me away from this guy so I'll just keep my mouth shut and bring it up the next time we have an argument. The guy gets over his shock and gets that stupid goofy grin on his face. Oh great, here we go again.

"So you're the wife, huh? I've heard a lot about you." No you have not! He makes it sound like I sat down with him and spelled out my entire life or something. I want to rip his stupid lips off. Faith's arm tenses up and I know that's her little way of saying 'chill out, I got this'. So I relax and just watch the show. This guy doesn't even give Faith a chance to reply before he opens up his stupid mouth again. I hope she hits him. I really want to see that. "Whatta say we head up to my-"

"Trust me, you don't want to finish that sentence," Faith says with a sneer. I can't help but smile on the inside. Hell I think it's even leaking out onto my face. Then she leans in really close to him and whispers, "If you ever talk to my wife again I'll rip off your dick and shove it up your ass, you got that?" He gulps loudly and nods his head yes. Then she takes a step back and puts on a friendly smile and acts like he's one of our best friends or something. "Well, it was great talking to you. But like I said before we really gotta get goin. So, bye." And we leave. On the way out the door I hear him say 'fuckin dykes' but I make Faith ignore it. I just want to get home. I don't want to worry about some angry guy who's only pissed in the first place because we rejected him.

"Ok baby, I'll see you in a little bit. I'll call you if I'm going to pull over somewhere ok?" She nods her head and gives me a kiss. I know we're not going to be apart for very long but I'm going to miss her. I know that seems stupid and girly but I don't care. The kiss ends and I give her a hug and we say 'I love you' and I get into my car and watch her through the rear view mirror as she runs over to hers and hops in. I know she's going to drive behind me. I think she's a little worried I'm going to chicken out or change my mind. I can't blame her because if the situation were reversed I'd probably think the same thing. Then again if the situation were reversed I probably would have been so pissed off at her for leaving I wouldn't have gone after her.

We've been driving for five hours now. It got dark about three hours ago. We stopped and ate dinner together and to use the restroom and stuff like that but other then that we've been on the road. Traffic is really light and there hasn't been a lot of road construction and we're about two and a half hours from home. I'm going to have to let the kids sleep tonight, if they're in bed when we get back, or else they won't go back to sleep. It probably took both Willow and Chris to get them to bed. But they'll wake up to a good surprise tomorrow. I just hope they're not mad at me.

Matthew is going to be. I just know he is. He most likely won't say anything about it but I know he'll be pissed. His eyes will give him away. He's so much like Faith it's almost insane. They both have very expressive eyes. Addison might be mad for a while but she'll get over it and just be happy that I'm home, but I honestly don't know how my son is going to react. He might be happy to see me, he might lock himself in his room, or he might scream at me for taking off. I just don't know. A couple years ago I'd know exactly what he'd do, but he's getting older now and harder to predict. He's growing up and it's amazing to see but at the same time it's terrifying.

Sometimes, like everyday, I wish my mom was still around. I miss her so much, but I also want to ask her so much. Sometimes I feel like I'm alone when it comes to the kids. I know Faith is there, but she's just as lost as I am. But now that I'm thinking about it I don't think my mom's advice would be a lot of help. She never raised a son so I don't think what she would have to say would apply to my questions. Boys and girls are very different, obviously, and it's not the much the discipline I need help with, it's pretty much everything else. Like, I know how to get my little girl to open up and talk to me. I just do what my mom used to do. And I've tried doing that same thing with Matthew and it didn't work. It never works.

I am just so grateful that Chris came into our lives. He's like another dad to me now. Sure we haven't known each other for very long, but once I realized he could be trusted (Willow did a background check and some type of revealy spell to see if he was a demon or something, and he's not) and he got closer and closer to Faith and he was hanging around a lot so we got to know each other more and more and he's always willing to give advice and just be there, not only for Faith but for me too.

And the kids love him to death. They respect him too, and I know this because they always listen a lot better when he's over and they don't argue when he asks them to do something. Faith always gets a little irritated by that. She is so sensitive when it comes to her ego. When she gets all butt hurt like that I always do something to cheer her up and when I say 'do something' I mean go down on her. That always seems to put her in a better mood. I think it's starting to bother her a lot less now that she's getting used to it and she's just acting all butt hurt so she'll get some head. I can't be mad at her for doing that because I'd do the exact same thing.

Finally, I'm home! Ok, well not yet exactly but I'm pulling onto the street. I'm so excited but scared at the same time. I hate feeling so conflicted like this, it isn't good for my stomach. I think I'm getting an ulcer or something. Jeez, why are there so many cars parked by the sidewalks. Is one of the neighbors having a party or something? I don't think so because it's midnight, and there's only...seven cars that I don't recognize. I wonder who they belong too. And why are the lights still on? Maybe Joseph is still awake or something. Poor Willow. I am so going to have Giles pay to send her to a spa for like two weeks. She deserves a really nice vacation for taking care of the kids. And Chris too. I'm going to have to think of something to get him for doing all this.

I park my car in the driveway and shut off the engine. Why is the front door open? Why didn't I notice that before? I get out of the car and I know something's off. And it's not just the fact that my front door is open at midnight. There's something in the air...a lot of tension, that's for damn sure. But something else. This is so familiar, why can't I remember? Faith pulls up on the passenger side of my car and gets out. She stretches and says her little 'home again, home again jigitty jig'. She's such a dork sometimes. But then she tenses up. I can actually feel her getting tense. I watch her out of the corner of my eye. She looks up at the sky and the tension just keeps on building.

"Fuck," she whispers. I ask 'what?' but she doesn't respond. "Fuck." She says it a little louder. I turn around I hear a car screech to a halt in front of my house. Two women jump out of the front of the car and the driver throws open the back door. They're trying not to panic, that's for sure. They're shouting at each other and getting something out of the backseat. It's another woman. What the fuck is going on? Before I can say anything I get a better look at the woman they're carrying, mostly because they're running towards me, and the first thing I see are the huge gash marks on the stomach. They haven't been wrapped and blood is coming out really quick. The second thing I notice before they pass me up the driveway is that the person they're carrying is Kennedy, and to be honest, I don't think she's going to pull through. I think she's lost too much blood, and judging by the looks on everyone else's faces they're thinking the exact same thing. "FUCK!" I think that about sums it all up.

FPOV

"Ok, put her on the floor. Buffy, go get something, towels, washrags, anything to cover these up!" I yell and Buffy runs off. The other two slayers put Kennedy on the kitchen floor and step away from her. She doesn't look good, but she's going to make it. She has to make it. I know slayers are lost every week, what we do is dangerous, but she can't die, she just can't. I rip open her shirt and Buffy tosses me some towels. I put them over the wounds and add some pressure. Why wasn't something already something the bleeding? What the fuck is wrong with them?

"Someone get Willow! She's the only one who can heal her!" I hear someone run off and I look up at one of the slayers. I told Giles to send the best girls he's got, why are these fuckin interns here? I meant slayers with real experience, not some fuckin babysitters. "You," I bark at the redhead. She looks like she's gonna pass out or puke or something. "Go find some more towels, there should be some under the bathroom sink. And you," I bark at the other one. "Get down here, hold these and press down hard. We can't let her bleed out."

The brunette drops to her knees and puts her hands near mine and presses down. I let go and look over at Kennedy's face. She looks so fuckin pale. I've never seen her look this bad and this chick has gotten some life threatening wounds before. Well, these are just a couple more. Red's gonna heal her, she's gonna have one hell of headache when she wakes up and she's gonna be laughin her ass off when she tells us what happened out there. Then she's gonna get drunk, cry, insult someone's mother and have bad, drunken, sex with Cordelia. Yep, that's what's gonna happen.

I'm about to say somethin to her when I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. I look back and see Buffy, and she's tryin to pull me away. I guess Red needs some room or something. So me and the other slayer back off and the blood starts rushing all over the floor. I'm so gonna make Kennedy clean that up. Hey, it's her mess, she'll understand. That's what we do whenever we get hurt from a patrol. We'll help each other out but the bleeder cleans up the blood. She won't get mad when I hand her a mop and bucket and tell her to get to work. She'll laugh and tell me 'fuck you' and have a beer while she cleans up my floor.

Red takes the towels away and tosses them aside. God, those marks are really fuckin deep. Any deeper and her guts would be hanging out. Alright, Faith, let's not think about that right now, ok? The blood keeps on comin and Red just sits there for a few seconds. I think she's a little too shocked. Maybe we should get her to a hospital or something. I think that would have been the better choice. I'm about to do just that but then the room starts to shake. It's subtle and nothing's moving, but I can feel the soft vibrations on the bottoms of my feet. Then Red puts her hands on Kennedy's stomach. She stops breathing...she looks dead.

I feel B wrap her arms around my waist and bury her face in my neck. She has tears running down her cheeks. But it isn't over until the redhead says so. A bright fuckin light shoots outta Willow's hands. It's so bright that everyone has to look away from it or our eyeballs will fuckin melt or something. Would they melt? No, I think we'd just go blind. Yeah, I think melting is strictly a heat thing. Dammit, stay focused! Then the light fades and I'm seeing fuckin spots and shit. I hate it when that happens. And not just as a slayer, and we always like to see what's goin on. I hated it even before I become a slayer.

When I can focus my vision again I look down at Red and Ken. Kennedy's breathing but she's still lookin really pale. Red's chanting in some language I can't understand and the skin on Kennedy's stomach is slowly fusing back together. The blood that spilled out on the floor slowly creeps up her body in little streams or something and goes back into the wounds. Well, at least there won't be any clean up. I kinda smile when the color goes back to Kennedy's face. It's good not to see her so fuckin pale. I never wanna see her like that again. Then the wounds close completely, and Kennedy gasps out for air and her eyes pop open. She sits up and before she can get a word out Red hugs her so fast and hard it knocks 'em both over and Red starts sobbing.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again! You hear me?" Red yells right in Ken's ear. I feel Buffy pry herself off my shoulder and she looks down at the little scene. She lets out a little laugh and then she pulls me outta the kitchen so they can have their little moment. I don't know where Cordelia is. Probably at a hotel, waiting for Kennedy to get back so she can help her work off the post slayage double H's.

B takes me into the living room and we sit down on the couch. But I can't sit still. My leg is shakin 'cause I need to do something. I can't just sit here when there's somethin out there that almost killed one of the best slayers to ever exist. Kennedy maybe hot headed and a little indecisive but when it comes to slaying and staying alive she knows what she's doing. So for this thing to get so close to killin her…we're not safe until it's put down, that's for damn sure. I get up and go into my bedroom. Red healed Kennedy but her shirt is still ripped up and she needs a new one. We're about the same size so any of my t-shirts will fit her. I take one out to her and when she's able to pry Willow off her she slips it on, and we go into the living room for a slayer pow-wow.

"What the fuck happened out there?" I ask and look from one girl to the other. All of them are here now. I guess they were patrolling in groups of three, and there's nine of 'em all together. I've only met a couple of 'em. Kennedy, obviously, and Holly, and Sissy, but I don't now any of the others. They don't look too happy with my question. Gee, I wonder why? No slayer likes to be criticized 'cause we all wanna think that our way is the best way, but it isn't always. Obviously somethin about tonight fucked up. Accident or not I still wanna know what happened.

"I found the body of the girl who patrolled last night in that area so we went there tonight to see if we could find the thing. We were only there for five minutes when this thing lunged at us. It landed on Kerry first and she managed to kick it off before it bit or scratched her. We couldn't get a good look at it 'cause it was really dark and it was moving around too fast. We were just going to stun it 'cause we don't know if it's a werewolf. But I gotta say I've never seen a werewolf that big before, but it doesn't look like any other dog-demon I've seen either.

"Anyway, we were trying to surround it, ya know, moving really slow so we wouldn't scare it? But I slipped on a rock and it slashed me open. This thing, whatever it is, was crazy, Faith. I could see it in its eyes. It wanted to kill us." We're all quiet as Kennedy talks and I don't really like what she has to say. "Becky injured it pretty badly. If we don't find it soon it probably won't live to see morning." Some demons heal really fuckin fast so what may look like a mortal wound or be a moral wound to something else will be nothing more then a flesh wound to some.

"Alright," I say after a few minutes of silence. "Now all we gotta do is figure out why." They're all lookin at me like I just smoked the world's biggest crack rock or something. Why does everyone always look at me like that? "A werewolf attacks because it feels the overwhelming need to feed. An il cane de morte will attack when its territory is threatened. I want to know what it is and why it attacked you guys. If it wanted to kill it has a reason." Now that the little explanation is done I go into 'dictator mode' as B calls it.

"We're going as a group. We will not split up. Everyone should already have a stunner, and a weapon, and if you don't get one. We're going to try to capture not kill. If it comes down to one of us or it take the kill. If it's a werewolf we'll mourn and feel guilty but at least we'll be alive." They look a little pissed because of that but I meant every word of it and I'm not going to apologize. "We'll bring it back here," I say and open up the weapons' chest and grab some chains and padlocks and one of those wire muzzles. I'm not taking any chances. All this stuff has been magically reinforced to withstand the power of somethin fierce, so we should be safe.

"We'll take it out back into the shed and take turns guarding it 'til morning. If it changes back into a person I'll deal with 'em, if it doesn't change back…we'll figure something out." I don't want to just put it down, but it is a danger and we'll probably have to. I really have gone soft. "What are we waiting for?" Everyone jumps up and starts gathering their stuff. B wraps her arms around me and buries her face in my neck but she isn't crying. She just wants to be held 'cause she's scared for me.

"Be careful out there ok? And don't worry, I'll make sure Tucker's in the garage by the time you get back." I was gonna tell her that but I guess I don't have to. Sometimes these demon-dog things will do one of three things with a domestic dog: they either kill 'em to eliminate the competition for territory. Or they breed with 'em and make dog/demon hybrids that are cute but deadly. Or they just leave 'em alone and go about their business. I really don't wanna take any chances. Besides, Tucker has his eye on the neighbor's Springer Spaniel, I don't think he's gonna wanna be a sperm downer to a demon.

"Don't worry baby, I'll be back safe and sound." She sighs because we both know I shouldn't say things like that. Even if it's just to reassure her, I shouldn't tell her I'm going to be ok when there's a chance I won't be. I pull back from the hug and give B a big kiss on the lips. If it bothers anyone they're not saying so 'cause they know I'll tear 'em a new one. See, I don't really give a shit when people out in public talk shit about us. Sure it bothers me, but we're in public and whatever they say is their opinion and blah, blah, blah. But if you come into my home and insult me it's a whole new story and I've sent some people home crying for just yelling at them.

When the kiss ends I look over at Kennedy and she has my stuff already packed for me. The chains, padlocks, and muzzle are in the bag, and she's holding my favorite short sword, waiting for me to take it. I leave one last kiss on B's lips, I tell her I love her and the rest of us leave. I know B and Red want to come with us, and they both know I won't let them. They're both big girls and they can handle themselves but when things get this intense I like to have B out of harm's way. And Red is so exhausted from taking care of the kids she'll just get in the way.

We're all jam packed in this truck. I really gotta tell Giles to invest in some bigger ones. We're taking the truck because the camper shield has been both magically reinforced and with steel. We can't just chain this thing up and carry it back to the house. Someone might see us, and that would be bad. So we'll just have to deal with this crammed situation. Slayers don't like to be packed in too tight, we need to be able to move around at least a little. It's that whole 'when you move they can't getcha' mentality. And I gotta say I'm going a little crazy being pressed up against the door of the car and some woman I don't even know. But whatever. Kennedy finally parks the car and we all jump out very impatiently. One chick almost falls she wants out so fast.

"Stay tight, I don't want anyone falling behind. And be ready. There's more then just one monster in these woods," I tell 'em and they looked a little freaked out but worked up at the same time. This is the kind of hunt that slayers live for. Kennedy walks us up a little hill and shows us where they were attacked. I can still smell her blood on the ground. That's going to be a problem. "Everyone be careful, something might show up 'cause of the smell." And it could be anything, a vampire, a werewolf, an il cane de morte…anything else that would want some blood. Ok, so I haven't exactly memorized the names like I was supposed to but those books are so boring!

We all sorta jump when we hear a loud, strangled bark. At least that's what I think it was. We all look in the direction the sound came from, ahead of us and to the left, but I got nothing more then that. We make our way through the trees in the direction of the sound. The thing barks again, and this time it growls. It sounds louder so we're getting closer. Then we're all hit with a God-awful smell, and my eyes water up. One girl almost gets sick. But we suck it up and keep trucking forward.

Then I see it. Kennedy's right that thing is fuckin big. If it was standing up I'd say from its shoulder to the ground it'd be almost five feet tall. And I'd guess that the God-awful smell is the thing's blood 'cause it's fuckin everywhere. Damn, Beck really did injure this thing. What the fuck did she use, a buzz saw? It's front right leg is almost completely severed. It's trying to stand up but it can't. And it has this look in its eyes, this 'why can't you just leave me alone?' kinda look. It's scared, and hurt, and I know if it could walk it'd rip our fuckin throats out by the way it's growlin at us.

"Don't trank it, it's lost too much blood." The girls with the trank guns point the barrels down but they look a little disappointed. Oh fuckin well. I take the muzzle out of my bag and hold onto the straps. I hand the chains to Kennedy and she tenses up a little bit. "You three," I tell the girls without the guns. "Follow us, but don't attack until we tell you." We slowly walk forward and as we get closer and I get a better look at its face I can tell it isn't a werewolf. The muzzle is completely different.

"It's not a werewolf." Kennedy sighs with relief. "The nose is too long. I don't know what the fuck it is." As we get close it tries to back up but its leg gets caught on something and it yelps out really fucking loud. "Anna, toss me a dart!" I hear her unload the gun and without even lookin I catch the dart around the middle. Maybe if I only give it a little bit it'll calm down but it won't die. But the closer I get the more panicked it gets and that leg looks really painful. I don't want to kill it until I know exactly what it is just in case this is a new breed of werewolf or whatever. Hey, you never know, it could happen. And with all the crazy things I've seen in my life I'm not willing to take the chance.

Then an opportunity presents itself when the demon thing looks behind it. It's distracted and quicker then a fuckin lightening bolt I stab it in the neck with the dart and then pull away before it can turn around and bite me. It does whip its head around and it is one very pissed off demon. It's growling, and snarling, and barking, and yelping all at once. I kinda want to kill it just to put it out of its misery, ya know? But what I really wanna know is what it was looking at. Nothing's back there from what I can see, except for some trees and bushes and shit and it didn't seem too concerned about that a few minutes ago. When the drug takes affect it calms down but stays conscious. I get the muzzle around its nose and hook the straps. It's struggling against me but it isn't strong enough to shake me off, but it won't give up.

"Ok, five of you go get the truck. Park it as close to the tree line as you can." Five of the girls scamper off to go do that and I just keep looking down at the demon. It's shakin like a leaf and whimpering a lot. Its leg is still bleeding. I take off my jacket and wrap it tight around its leg and tie it as best I can. Kennedy has to hold the demon down 'cause it found some inner strength 'cause of the pain and it's fighting against me. I can't blame it, I'd do the same thing if I was it. "I wanna know what the fuck it was lookin at." I tell Kennedy and she looks in the same direction I am. I see some leaves and shrubs and shit that look like they don't belong where they are, like someone put 'em there.

"This is a male," Kennedy says and puts it hind leg back down. "Maybe a female is nearby or something." Way to say something comforting Kennedy, I can always count on you for that. "Don't dogs get super protective of the females when they're in heat or whatever?" I guess they do. I don't watch a whole lot of animal planet, so I'll have to ask B about it. I look down when the demon lets out another little whimper and he closes his eyes. He's still breathing but I guess I gave him more of that stuff then I thought. The girls come back and I have all of 'em lift this bad boy up and put him in the back of the truck. Me and Kennedy stay behind though. I wanna find out what's in those shrubs.

We start walking towards 'em really fuckin slow. We both have our swords up and we're ready for anything. We get about seven feet away from the shrubs and I hear a low growl. I stop cold and Kennedy does the same. Something is definitely back there. But where is it? I don't see anything. Then there's a loud bark and before we can move something huge jumps out of fuckin nowhere and lands on top of Kennedy. It looks kinda like the demon we just loaded up, but it's smaller. This must be the female. Kennedy's doin a good job of fighting her off. Ok, holding her back and keeping those wicked lookin teeth far away from her but she can't quite get the bitch off her.

"Why do they always come after me?" she yells and kicks the thing in the stomach and it goes flying back. She whips out her stunner and shoots the thing with it and it goes down. "Go, get a trank!" she screams 'cause this thing is recovering pretty fuckin fast. I run back to the truck and grab a gun and the rest of 'em follow me back to where Kennedy has this thing on the ground and it's twitchin and shit 'cause of the electricity pumping through it's body. I aim and fire and get it right on its back leg. Perfect fuckin shot if you ask me. It's awake for about fifteen seconds after and then it passes out.

"Take it back to the truck and run 'em back to the house. Ask Buffy for some more chains. And be careful, I don't know how it'll be before it wakes up." The girls scoop it up and carry it off. "What the fuck is back here?" I got an idea but I really wanna be wrong. I walk over where I think the second demon jumped out of, and there's a big hole in the ground. It doesn't go straight down though so I can't see into it. It's like a den or a burrow or something. It's big enough for the male to fit in so it's big enough for me to crawl into.

I unclip the flashlight off my boot and get on my hands and knees and start crawling. I hear Kennedy say 'be careful' but I don't respond. The dirt is packed pretty tight and not a whole lot is falling down on my head. They must've been here for a long time. I can see tree roots and shit sticking out of the walls and it looks really fucking creepy, and they're a little difficult to get around. Damn this thing is fuckin deep. I've been crawling for ten minutes now and I don't see a damn thing. But then the tunnel opens up into a large space, big enough for five or six of those things to fit in and I hear 'em before I see 'em. Fuck. I was really hoping to be wrong on this one.

BPOV

Last night when those girls showed up without Faith and Kennedy, Willow and I almost had a panic attack. But they told us they needed to put the demons in the shed and they needed some more chains and another muzzle. I thought they were only bringing back one but there were two, a male and a female. The male had a really bad wound on his leg but Willow fixed him up. They told us how sad it looked to see him suffering and how gentle Faith was with him. If we had just put him down like I wanted to, ya know, to end his suffering, Faith probably would have been pissed. She can get really weird like that sometimes.

So I did what I thought I should do in that situation. I had Willow magically fuse one end of the chains to the floor and while the demons were still unconscious I wrap the other end around their necks and Willow magically fused those together too. Then we got some very big bowls of water for them and we left them alone. The other slayers offered to guard them and I took them up on it. But then Faith called the house on her cell phone and asked one of the slayers to bring the truck back and Tucker's crate. I have no idea what they found but she didn't sound too happy about it.

I didn't get to see what was in the crate because the other slayers instantly ran it out to the shed and Faith got hit with a case of the double H's really bad so we went straight to the bedroom. When I woke up this morning she was already awake and she knew I wanted to go out to the shed to check up on the demons and see what's in the crate but she didn't want me to. At first I thought she was crazy and just being over protective of me, but now that I'm out here and I know what's in the crate I know why she didn't want me out here. Because she found a litter of demon puppies in the back of that den and they are absolutely adorable!

There's four of them, three all black ones, and one that's black with gray. There're two boys and two girls and they are so damn cute. Have you ever seen an Irish wolfhound? Well they look kind of like that only their fur is longer and they're bulkier. We have the parents in one part of the shed, the one with all the crosses on the walls, and the puppies are in the other room. We're not sure how the parents are going to react if the puppies are in the room and we're not taking any chances. Last night they seemed pretty damn protective according to the other slayers. Willow took some fur samples and some pictures of them last night and teleported to the slayer school and she's going to find out what they are.

Faith made me promise not to open the door to the crate because she doesn't want me being attacked. Whatever, I can take care of myself. But they are demons and I don't know how strong they are so I guess it is best to keep them locked up for now. Faith is at the store right now, well, the butcher shop. She's going to buy a lot of beef to feed the demons because she doesn't want them looking to us as food. We still don't know what we're going to do.

They're demons and they're dangerous but they were protecting their young. Wild animals that aren't demons do that all the time. The attack wasn't unprovoked. They thought their young were in danger. But the question is how big of a danger are they? We've never seen this breed before or even heard of a dog like demon this large so it's a possibility that they just stick to the woods and feed off the wildlife. So killing them would be unjust and cruel. And what about the puppies? Are we just supposed to kill four little demon puppies just because they're demons? It just depends on what Willow finds at the slayer school. She said she'd come back as soon as she found something. So hopefully soon, but she's been gone since last night.

I say bye to the puppies, what like you don't talk to puppies? And I go back into the house. It's still early, really early and the kids aren't awake yet. I was only out there for fifteen minutes. A couple of the slayers stayed the night in case we need the extra backup. I don't want to take any chances with those things out there. They may not hunt people down and kill them but they're still dangerous and I don't want something that dangerous so close to where my kids live and not have some extra slayers around to help protect them. I walk into the living room and…Anna?…is holding Joseph and he's crying. She looks a little relieved to see me.

"He just started crying. I was on my way to get you." She hands him to me and I give her a small smile and tell her thanks and sit down on the couch. This is the part where most people leave the room. "I'm going to make some breakfast since everyone will be here soon. Any requests?" I tell her to make plenty of the basics: pancakes, waffles, bacon, sausage, toast, scrambled and fried eggs. We're definitely going to have to go grocery shopping after today. Feeding thirteen slayers, even if two of them are little kids, it's going to take a lot of food. I hope we don't run out because there's nothing more dangerous then a room of hungry slayers and very little to eat. This could easily turn into the thanksgiving fiasco of 2008.

I hear one of the bedroom doors open and little footsteps walking down the hall. Addison is awake and walking down the hall towards the living room. I feel panicked. I haven't seen the kids yet since they've been asleep all night. Well, they could have woken up. Things did get kind of loud when Kennedy was brought in. Faith yelled a lot but I never saw them. And we locked our door last night because we didn't want them walking in on something no child should see their parents doing. We really don't want to give them that kind of psychological scar. They could develop a complex or something.

She rounds the corner and she's rubbing her little eye with her fist and her hair is a frightful mess. It looks like Willow didn't put it in a braid like I do every night. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees me and I tense up. I really don't know how she's going to react. But I guess I should have expected her to squeal and run at me like I'm a quarterback and she's a defensive player. Did I really just use that metaphor? Ok, no more watching football with Faith, she can go over to the neighbor's house to do that. Anyway, when Addison gets pretty close I have to stop her from jumping on me since I'm still feeding Joseph. But she calmly climbs into my lap and gives me a big hug. I hug her back the best I can and she has some tears running down her face.

"Shhh, sweetheart, it's ok. I'm back now, and I'm not going anywhere, ok?" she nods her head and hugs me again. She pulls back after a couple of minutes and I give her a big kiss on the cheek. She sits down on my lap and rests her head on my chest. It hurts a little but I'll deal with it. She watches Joseph as he continues to eat. I think it's a little weird how Addison watches but I'm not going to say anything about it to her right now. She might get upset or something. When Joseph is done I use the corner of his blanket to wipe up the milk still on his mouth. I gently set him down next to me and button up my shirt. Addison sits down across my lap and leans against me. I give her a little kiss on top of the head and we watch Joseph while he sleeps.

He just looks so peaceful. He really is a handsome little boy even though he is still kinda funny looking. Newborn babies are always funny looking. He looks so much like Faith, except he has my lips. But everything else is Faith. So far he's been the calmest out of the three of them. When Matthew and Addison were this age they'd scream their heads off until they were eating. But his cries are soft, and he only gets louder if you don't respond within ten minutes or so. Hopefully he'll stay that way, but I have a feeling once he starts to develop his own little personality he'll be a little feistier. Hopefully not as feisty as Addison, Faith and I already have our hands full with her temper and attitude, we don't need another one like that.

"Mommy," Addison says after a few minutes of silence. I let out a little 'hmm?' but I know what's coming. I know she's going to have lot and lots of questions, so is Matthew. I'm still really afraid of how he's going to react. "Why did you go away?" See, I told you. I know my little girl like the back of my hand, sort of. She can be unpredictable at times but for the most part I know her very well. I sigh and wrap my arms around her and give her a gentle squeeze. I really don't know how to explain it to her because she's too young to really understand what I was going through. Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit. Little kids are pretty smart and can grasp some complex stuff, but some things are just too much for them to understand.

"Because…" I really don't know how to explain it. I wish Faith was here. I could really use her support right about now. "I was sick and I had to go away until I got better. And I did get all better so I came back." I can tell she's having a hard time believing that. I don't really know what she's going to ask next, but I'm sure I won't be able to explain that very well either. But before she can ask anything else, Willow teleports into the living room about four feet in front of us, and Addison jumps a little. Saved by the Wicca.

"Aunt Willow you scared me. You should knock before you do that. At least give a girl a warning." And she jumps off my lap and stomps out of the room. See what I mean about the attitude? I don't think we'd be able to handle two of those walking around the house. I laugh a little though because hearing a three-year-old say that is pretty funny. Willow and I laugh for a few minutes but then she gets that 'I have news and I can't wait to tell you' type of look on her face. I pick Joseph without waking him up and she sits down next to me.

"Sorry that took so long." I tell her it's ok. She looks…horrible to be honest. She has these huge dark circles under her eyes and she looks exhausted. I'm pretty sure she's going to teleport home and then go to bed and sleep for a couple of weeks. I can't help but feel guilty because it is all my fault she's like this. If I didn't take off she never would have been asked to watch the kids for that long. "But I did find everything there is to know about those demons. They're called Tier, it's German, it means beast. Those demons are from Germany and the breed is indigenous to that area." Ok, confusion.

"So if they only live in Germany then how did they end up here?" I turn around a little when I hear the front door open and Faith walks into the living room. She sees Willow sitting here and sits down on the loveseat to hear the rest of the explanation. So doesn't have anything with her. I wonder if she fed them already? I hope so, they're going to be getting hungry here pretty quick. I think. Unless they only feed certain times out of the year. I should probably pay attention now that Willow is talking again.

"I wanted to know that too. So I spent a few hours googling all sorts of websites and I finally found what I was looking for. It was in German so I had to find a translator, but from this website you can buy your choice of Tier, werewolf, il cane de morte, hellhound, evil flying monkeys, and all kinds of other demons. Apparently those two were sold to someone in Vegas when they were puppies. And like most wild animals, they're cute when they're little but when they get big they get uncontrollable, and the owner must've set them free in those woods, because there's no way something like that could have escaped and gone unnoticed until it found a nice little place to live.

"Since I figured out how they got here I looked up more things about the breed. They are carnivores and eat mostly large game. Deer, wild boar, other demons, and when the food gets really scarce they'll pray on livestock, and domestic animals. Attacks on humans are very rare, which is why there wasn't a lot on them. They only attack when they feel threatened or if someone gets too close to their den or their pups. So Carla dying was just a very sad, unfortunate accident. And I really don't know what to do because if we send them back to the seller he's just going to sell them again, but if we let them loose who knows how the environment will suffer?" She has a point. We can't risk them eating up all the food in the woods and then praying on the pets of Lincoln because if they're desperate enough to jump someone's fence and eat a dog they might take down a jogger or something.

"We can control them," Faith says and leans forward a little bit. I look over at her with this 'what the fuck are you talking about?' look on my face and I'm sure Willow has the same expression. "Look, whoever bought them, probably human, and there's no way a human is gonna be strong enough to control those things. I'm not talking about keeping them there, but if we can't send them back to Germany and we can't take them back to the woods then the other option is death, right?" We both nod our heads and Faith keeps explaining. "Just hear me out, alright." I guess Willow tried to speak.

"What if we take 'em to the slayer facility. There's have a huge chunk of forest there. And what if we build a cage in the forest, and we make it electric and you magically reinforce it? All we would have to do is get someone to feed 'em every day and make sure they have water. I'm not talkin about trying to domesticate them or nothin but killin 'em seems a little cruel. They only attack humans when they're threatened so why should they have to die?" I'm sure the old Faith would have willingly killed those demons. Probably not the puppies but definitely the mom and dad.

"You'll have to talk to Giles but I guess it could work. We could probably even use them to train the girls. As long as the demons are wearing muzzles and we trim their claws. And they'll have to be fixed. I don't think Giles will want anymore puppies." I guess it's a good idea, but having those demons on campus with a bunch of slayers, things could get tense. Just feeling a demon and not doing anything about it can get to you after a while. I think those girls will be sneaking out a lot more to go patrolling or partying.

"Breakfast is ready!" the woman in the kitchen yells and Faith jumps up and goes in there. I guess she was hungry. She never really got to the first H last night. I kept her satisfied for a long time. Willow gets up and heads in there too but Matthew isn't up yet and I want him to eat before the lions come home. It is going to be so loud in that room when the rest get here. I walk down the hall and put Joseph back in the basinet. Then I walk down the hall and open up Matthew's door. He's still sleeping, which is what I expected. He's all tangled up in the blanket. Half of it is off the bed, and the other half is twisted around his legs. His hair is sticking up all over the place and it looks a little matted in other places. I walk in and close the door and I sit down on the edge of his bed. I gently stroke his hair and try to get it to stay down but it's stubborn and keeps popping back up.

"Matthew," I whisper and shake his shoulder a little. He mumbles something and rolls over onto his other side so he's facing me. "Matthew, sweetie, breakfast is ready." I shake his shoulder a little more and he opens his eyes and looks up at me with a very sleepy look on his face. He rubs his eyes a couple of times and then just stares up at me. I guess he can't believe I'm here. I have no idea. I can't tell what he's thinking. I brush some of the hair on his forehead back and he doesn't try to pull away. That's a good thing, right? "Hi," I whisper.

"Hi," he whispers back. I don't know if he's going to ask me questions or if he's going to be mad at me. It's probably still too early for him to show any emotions. He sits up and his hair bounces around a little bit and I try really hard not to laugh. I pull him close to me and give him a big hug. I don't care if he's mad at me. I still need to hug him. I missed him too much to not hug him right now. But he hugs me back so I guess he isn't mad. We pull back and he looks at me with some concern on his face. "Is aunt Kendy ok?" I guess he was spying on us last night. He gets that from his aunt Dawn. He just had to inherit that from her, didn't he?

"Yeah, she's ok. Aunt Willow healed her. I need you to keep your sister out of the backyard today, ok? Take her with you to Lucas' house or something. We found the demon that hurt her, and we have it chained up in the shed outback. That means Tucker has to stay in the front yard. And you have to stay out of there too. I know you've been training a lot and you're getting stronger, but these are really powerful and I don't want you getting hurt." He nods his head and rubs his eyes again. "Come on, breakfast is ready, and we better eat before leeches take it all." We laugh at that and leave the room. I guess things with him are ok but I'm going to have to ask him about it later because he has a tendency to keep things bottled in. But I'm home now, and everything is going to be ok again.


	41. AOANDEASM

An Offer, A Near Death Experience, And Some Manipulation

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**The SameDay .** BPOV

"Hey," I hear someone say behind me. I'm in the shed again, sitting with the Tiers, the adults not the puppies. No, the puppies are sleeping. It turns out they don't like being locked up in plastic crates and they tore through it. They seem pretty happy in the shed though once Faith gave them some of Tucker's toys. The mom and the dad are anxious and pacing a lot. I guess they want to get back to their babies. They haven't sat down in over three hours. They're just pacing, back and forth and back and forth. There's probably going to be a worn path on the floor where they keep pacing.

"Hey," I say back and I don't turn around. I know who is it and I really don't want to talk to her. I've been avoiding alone time with her ever since I got home. But the kids are gone, Joseph is asleep, Faith is tryin convince Giles that sending the Tiers there is a good idea, Willow went home and the other slayers went back to the hotel to get some sleep. I guess they've been taking turns on who gets to stay and help Willow out with the kids and today is Holly's turn. And even though Willow isn't here she still volunteered to stay since Faith is busy and I guess I'm helpless or something since she thinks I can't take care of a baby by myself.

I talked to Sissy last night and I got the scoop on what's been going on with Holly the last couple of years. I guess she's still in love with me or at least she thinks she's in love with me. Sissy says it could be the real thing 'cause Holly has a short attention span when it comes to the girls she likes but she hasn't stopped liking me. I guess I made a really good impression on her, huh? Once I found that out I decided to not be alone with her if I could help it. I would never cheat on Faith, but I don't want to give her the opportunity to try and get me to cheat. And I really don't want to hear what she has to say to me. She walks in the shed and shuts the door. She sits down on the floor about two feet away from me.

"I know you don't want me here, but Giles asked me to come because of the full moon. I tried to get out of coming because I knew you wouldn't want me here." I don't know why she's telling me this. I don't really care that she came. I just don't want to be alone with her. It is better that she came because she is a good slayer, and she knows how to handle herself in deadly situations and with the full moon we needed girls like that since me and Faith weren't here.

"Holly, you don't have to explain anything to me. I know why you came, and it is good that you're here. You're a very skilled slayer and we needed you. It's just, after what was said the last time we talked I don't think it's a good idea for us to be alone right now." She gets an expression on her face…I can't really describe it, but I think she's getting her hopes up for something that isn't going to happen. "I'm still with Faith, I still love Faith, and I'm not going to leave her for anyone else, Holly. So please, don't start." Her face falls a little and she looks down at her fingernails. Great, now she's all upset. I never meant to hurt her feelings but she needs to get it through her thick skull that we are never going to be an item. The most we'll ever be is friends.

"But you're not happy here, Buffy. You left for a couple days. You were depressed for weeks. This place is like a poison for you. I can get you out of it." She moves a little closer to me and I tense. The Tiers sense the tension and they're getting even more uncomfortable. "It'll hurt for a while but I can make it better." She keeps getting closer and closer to me. I don't say anything because I'm trying to figure out if she's being serious or not. From the intense look in her eyes I'd say she's pretty serious. But I don't know what to say to her, my mind is a complete blank. I'm actually hoping Joseph will wake up so Faith will come out here and get me because my legs don't want to work either. "Let's go someplace far away from here," she whispers so softly I almost don't here her, and she leans in to kiss me.

"No," I whisper and our lips touch. I try to pull back but she grabs the back of my neck and forces me to stay here. I don't know why I can't get my muscles to work. I want to push her off me but I can't. It's like my body is paralyzed against her or something like that. When she pulls back from the kiss and has a small smug looking smile on her face I can move again. I slap her across the face and move away from her so there's about four feet between us. She looks shocked and angry but I really don't care. I just want her to go away. "I told you no." The intense look in her eyes keeps building and building until something in her finally snaps.

"This is all your fault!" she screams and jumps up off the ground and I do the same. I'm not going to just sit here and let her yell at me for something she did. What the fuck did I do? "I was happy before I met you! Ever since that night we went out to the club I can't get you out of my mind. I close my eyes and I see you. You haunt my dreams. I see your face everywhere I go. I can't even have sex without thinking about you. I never used to be like this, I never used to care, but I care about you. I want you more then I've ever wanted anything. And it's all your fault." She isn't screaming anymore but her voice is as hard as stone and she has a very dangerous look in her eyes. The Tiers are freaking out now, barking and lunging at us. I hope Willow made those chains extra strong.

"No Holly, it isn't my fault. I-"

"Yes it is! You did something to me. You got through somehow, and it's ruined my life. I've never wanted to sleep with a married woman, Buffy. I'd never even think of doing it with someone else, but with you…it's like nothing else matters, as long as I have you. And I can't make it stop!" She lunges forward and before I can stop her she slams me up against the wall and holds my wrists on either side of my head and presses one of her thighs against my crotch. "It is your fault," she whispers but it's stern and frightening. Why did I come out here in the first place? Oh right, to get away from Holly. Worked out well, don't you think? "I wish I didn't need you. 'Cause I hate you, but I need you. Buffy, I need you."

"But you can't have me Holly, I'm with Faith. I don't love you. I don't even like you. Let me go before I have to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you Holly. You just need to realize you can never have me. You just need to move on. But I-"

"You think I haven't tried? Do you really think I want to live my life with you haunting every fucking moment of it? I can't do anything without thinking of you. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't slay, I can't even brush my Goddamn teeth without you being in my thoughts. I hate you for doing this to me. But I need you so much." She leans in and kisses me again. I try to fight against her but she's really strong and she's so angry it's making her even stronger. I feel her being ripped off of me and I stumble forward a little. I look up and see Faith holding onto Holly from behind. One hand is holding onto Holly's long hair, the other is gripping the knife that she's holding to Holly's throat. The blade is really high on her throat, right under her chin.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't slit your fucking throat," she says right into Holly's ear. She starts to struggle but Faith presses the knife harder against her and pulls just a tiny bit and a small stream of blood runs down Holly's neck. Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. What do I do? How do I stop her from doing this? Force isn't going to do anything. That could get more then one of us hurt. Luckily I've been living with Faith for ten years so I know all of her weak spots, and I am willing to hit the weakest one. I walk up right next to her, nice and slow so she doesn't think I'm going to try and take the knife from her and I keep my hands in plain view.

"Baby, baby, think of the kids, alright? Do you really want to go back to prison for killing her? Come on, baby, put the knife down." She doesn't look at me, or listen to me, instead she just keeps staring at Holly, and she grips her hair a little tighter.

"Get away from me, Buffy. This is between me and her." She presses the knife harder against Holly's throat, any harder and the knife is going to start going through her neck. "You're the bitch, aren't you? The intern who kept followin her around the school and sayin how good she could have it with you, that's you, isn't it?" Holly lets out a very strangled 'yes' and Faith pulls the knife a little more. She really is going to kill her.

"Faith, stop! She isn't worth it. Think about it Faith, if you kill her you'll lose everything. You'll lose our babies, and you'll lose me. Please, baby, just give me the knife." She doesn't say anything but she loosens the pressure on Holly's throat. "You've changed so much, Faith, don't make it all for nothing. People still think you're that uncontrollable, psycho slayer, don't prove them right. Do you want all those assholes to be able to say they saw this coming and they knew it was going to happen? Faith, give me the knife." Her breathing is harder now and her face is getting pretty red. Faster then the blink of an eye she pulls the knife away and those it across the room and gets buried in the wall. She pushes Holly out the open door.

"Get the fuck outta Nevada and don't come back." Holly gets up off the ground and runs as fast as she can. I look over at Faith with tears in my eyes. She's still so pissed off she's shaking. I gently touch her shoulder and she looks at me and the anger fades away. She wraps her arms around me and I start crying. Watching your wife almost kill a person will do that to you. She soothes me and gently strokes my hair and I slowly calm down. I am so glad she stopped when she did because I cannot lose her.

FPOV

I've been on the phone with Giles for fifteen minutes now. I'm tryin to talk him into taking the Tiers, but he isn't biting. He keeps saying that too many things can go wrong, that too many people could get hurt. I keep telling him that they'll be in a school with slayers and they'll be declawed 'cause they're legs are really fuckin long and they slash at ya before they try to bite. I also remind him that these things don't attack people unless they feel threatened. And he keeps saying that they'll probably feel threatened all the time. So this conversation is going nowhere. He doesn't want to take them, and we can't send them back and we can't let them go.

"So what the fuck am I supposed to do, Giles?" I finally explode. I'm not good at haggling, never have been never will be. "We can't let them go, and we can't send 'em back to Germany. So tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do." I could really use a fuckin cigarette right now. I can actually hear him cleaning his fucking glasses. And he just tossed them onto his desk. He's getting pissed but so am I.

"I suggest you do your job and eliminate the serious threat. Those things, those Tiers, may not attack humans on a regular basis but they have the potential to. They are three times as dangerous as the vampires you slay on a nightly basis. If we bring them here and they do escape girls could die. These girls deserve to feel safe in their own home, and this facility is their home until they graduate, you know that. I'm sickened that you'd even suggest bringing them here. They need to be put down. Now if you can't do it for whatever reasons, if you've grown attached to them I can have one of the other slayers do it for you." Defeat is not something I deal with well, and I don't go down without a fight.

"What gives you the right to decide that? Oz was a serious threat three days outta the month, but we helped him. We're slayers, Giles, not God, we don't just get to decide that something has to die because it has potential for hurting people. The only time these things attack is when they feel threatened or if they think their young are threatened, as long as the girls stay away from the cage there won't be any problems." I know I'm right, but he thinks he's right and once Giles has that in his mind there's no changing it.

"Those are completely different circumstances. A werewolf is a person, they can't help what is happening to them. Tiers are born evil. And I've no idea where you got your information but they do attack people, and on a regular basis, and they become extremely aggressive during the cycle of the full moon. They can become easily agitated," they're not the only ones. "And they will attack anything that gets in their reach. Do you really expect me to put my students at risk? Are you willing to put your family at risk to save the lives of demons?" He does have a point. And what did Willow read? Or is Giles lying just so I'll kill them? I don't know but this whole thing is pointless. He doesn't want them and there's nowhere else for them to go, and we can't keep them here.

"Fine Giles, I give. I don't know what else to do," I'm calmer now but I'm still pissed, but so is he. "Since you know so much about 'em how should I kill 'em? What's the fastest way?" He tells me how and I don't like it. There's gonna be a big mess, but he says it's the only way. We exchange goodbyes and I hang up the phone. I don't think I've ever been so pissed off after getting off the phone with someone. Well, my freshmen English teacher when he called my house and said if I didn't come to class he'd fuckin drop me. That's when I decided to just drop outta school.

I walk over to the weapons chest and pull out a knife. The blade's six inches long, sharpest knife I got in the house and I keep all my knives sharp. Giles said the only way to kill one of these things is to slice the throat. So like I said, it's gonna get messy and it'll be a big clean up. I probably shouldn't do it at the house. No, I can't because of the blood. That nasty smell will never go away. I'll trank 'em and take 'em back to the woods and do it there. I'll have to be really fuckin careful 'cause me and B have never gone too far off the trails. We don't know how deep those woods are or what's inside them. Demons and vamp yeah, but what kind of demons. Until last night I didn't even know a Tiers exist. And what makes this even worst is I gotta kill those puppies. How are you supposed to kill a puppy? I mean, they are demons but these don't look like nasty demons, they look like cute little puppies.

I put the knife through my belt and cover it up with my shirt 'cause I don't want to kids seein it. They don't even know the demons are out there. Well, I think B said something to Mattie 'cause he let Addy go with him willingly when he went to Lucas' this morning. Right after breakfast he said he was goin over there and he told her 'if you're comin hurry up' and she was dressed in five minutes tops. That's never happened before. They've been gone all morning. I'd rather B not tell him when we got demons locked up in the shed 'cause I don't want him to worry but I think this was for the better. 'Cause if Addy saw us goin out there every hour or so to check up on the demons then she'd want to see what we're doin and that coulda gotten dangerous.

Damn, those things are barking really fuckin loud. I wonder what's up? Did they pick up Tucker's sent or some shit like that? They've been fine since they woke up. Ok, well not fine 'cause they've been pacin a lot and on edge and they drank a lot of water, but that's 'cause of the drug. I think they're so anxious 'cause they wanna get back to their pups. I'd be nervous as hell and pacin around if someone kidnapped me, chained me inna shed and I had four kids at home who are probably gettin hungry. They didn't touch the food I gave 'em earlier. Shit, their barkin is getting louder. I better get out there before the neighbors start to complain.

I run out the backdoor and start walking towards the shed. I wonder where B went. I haven't seen her since I got on the phone with Giles. I think that Holly chick is a bit 'star struck' or whatever. Sometimes the younger slayers who haven't met her can get a little...annoying. They follow her around and act like she's a fuckin god or something. She gets pretty irritated by it. But there's somethin different about Holly. I don't really wanna say anything bad about her since she was good to me when we were at the slayer school and I did make-out with her younger brother. I don't know if she knows that or not but I should probably just assume that she does and I'd rather not have that brought up.

"Yes it is!" Fuck, is that Holly screaming? Sure sounds like it. And it's comin from the shed. Hmmm, maybe she's on a cell phone or something. I so gotta listen to this. "You did something to me. You got through somehow, and it's ruined my life." So someone got through her walls huh? I hear some rumors about Holly when I was at the slayer school. According to them she's the fuck and run kinda girl, and she goes out of her way not to care about people. I guess her childhood wasn't the best. "I've never wanted to sleep with a married woman, Buffy." Wait...what the fuck. Is she talkin to B?

"I'd never even think of doing it with someone else, but with you…it's like nothing else matters, as long as I have you. And I can't make it stop!" I guess she fuckin is. I open the door real slow so they won't hear it. Not that they could over the noise of those fuckin demons barking. Not only are they barking but they're tryin to get to B and Holly. They're lungin at 'em and clawin at the ground so hard that they're diggin out the wood. It seems to go in slow motion as Holly slams B up against the wall. She pins B's wrists against the wall and I think one of her thighs is pressed up against B's pussy, but I can't really tell from here. "It is your fault." She says it real fuckin slow like it's a threat or something. "I wish I didn't need you. 'Cause I hate you, but I need you. Buffy, I need you." I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna fuckin kill her. I reach behind me and pull the knife out.

"But you can't have me Holly, I'm with Faith. I don't love you. I don't even like you. Let me go before I have to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you Holly. You just need to realize you can never have me. You just need to move on. But I-" B's made it loud and clear Holly isn't what she wants, but it wouldn't matter either way. If I ever walked in on B fuckin someone else I'd kill 'em for putting their filthy hands on my wife. And Holly is being rough with her, forcing her to stay against that wall. I'm gonna fuckin slice her throat open and watch the bitch bleed out.

"You think I haven't tried? Do you really think I want to live my life with you haunting every fucking moment of it? I can't do anything without thinking of you. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't slay, I can't even brush my Goddamn teeth without you being in my thoughts. I hate you for doing this to me. But I need you so much." This bitch is starting to sound like Spike. Then Holly kisses her and I hear B tryin to get away but she can't. I'm gonna slice her throat and cut her fuckin lips off. So why are you just fuckin standing here? Get a move on it asshole! She's hurting your fucking wife! I walk forward and grab the bitch by her hair and pull as hard as I can. I think some of it ripped out but I don't care. I hold the knife to her throat really hard and I know she knows what it is.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't slit your fucking throat," I say right in her ear. She starts strugglin and I press the knife harder against her throat and slice just a tiny little bit so she knows I'm not fucking around. I can smell the blood flowin out of her but I don't look at it. I can't look away from the expression on her face. She's so fuckin scared, I think she's gonna piss herself. I hear the Tiers gettin louder and the chains sound like they're gonna snap any second. Good, I hope they do. I can grab B and get us outta here and lock this bitch in here with those things.

"Baby, baby, think of the kids, alright? Do you really want to go back to prison for killing her? Come on, baby, put the knife down," B says but I don't pay attention. I know what she's tryin to do and it's not gonna work. She's tryin to get to me, tryin to mind fuck me, but I'm not gonna let her. I tighten my hold on Holly's hair and pull her head back a little more to get a better look at her neck. I wonder what she's thinking right now, knowing that her life is in my hands and I could so easily take it away. I wonder how she fuckin feels knowin that this is all her own doing. She needs to learn to keep her fuckin hands off my wife.

"Get away from me, Buffy. This is between me and her." I know she isn't going to butt out but that's fine with me. Oh my God, this is the bitch, isn't it? The only time Buffy woulda met Holly is at the slayer school. She's the bitch who kept harassing Buffy? Oh she is so gonna fucking die. But I need to make sure, I can't punish her for shit she didn't do. " "You're the bitch, aren't you? The intern who kept followin her around the school and sayin how good she could have it with you, that's you, isn't it?" She lets out a little yes, and I get even more pissed if it's possible. I pull the knife a little more and her eyes get bigger.

"Faith, stop!" B screams. She sounds so fuckin desperate. "She isn't worth it. Think about it Faith, if you kill her you'll lose everything. You'll lose our babies, and you'll lose me. Please, baby, just give me the knife." Fuck, leave it up to B to get through my thick skull a little. But I can't just let this bitch go, not after what she did to Buffy. I ease up on Holly's throat so she can breath a little easier.

"You've changed so much, Faith, don't make it all for nothing. People still think you're that uncontrollable, psycho slayer, don't prove them right. Do you want all those assholes to be able to say they saw this coming and they knew it was going to happen? Faith, give me the knife." God dammit, Buffy! I hate that she's right. People will say that about me, they'll never trust me again. And I will go to prison for the rest of my life. I throw the knife as hard as I can against the wall and at least half of the blade goes through. I push Holly out the door and just glare at her. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes.

"Get the fuck outta Nevada and don't come back." She jumps up and runs away. I'm still so pissed off I don't know what to do with myself. My whole body is shakin 'cause I've got all this rage inside and it's got nowhere to go. I feel somethin touch my shoulder and I fight the urge to take a swing at it. I look over and see Buffy. She's got tears runnin down her face and she looks so fuckin scared. I did that, I put that there. I can't believe I fuckin did that. I wrap my arms around her and hold her close. Her buries her face in my neck and cries her fuckin eyes out. The Tiers stop barkin and I glance over at 'em. They're just starin at us, which is really fuckin weird. It takes a while but B finally calms down and we go back in the house. I hope she's ok. I really don't want her to be afraid of me because of some stupid bitch.

BPOV

It's been two days since the Holly incident. She did take Faith's advice and she left Nevada. She went back to the slayer school and Giles called to ask what the hell happened to her neck. I guess she wasn't talking. Faith told him what happened and he was pissed but he understood. He was actually kind of surprised that Faith was able to hold back, he said that if he saw someone trying to force me to get physical with them he'd kill them. But I don't need to be protected like that. I can take care of myself. I did have a little bit of a plan going before Faith stepped in. I was going to force myself to calm down and make Holly think I was consenting and then when she loosened her grip I was going to punch her in the face very hard and kick her ass and make her leave my property.

Faith and I haven't said a word to each other about it and I don't want to. It's in the past now, there's nothing we can do about it and she was able to stop herself. We don't need to talk about it, we're fine. We've been relaxing a lot though. Faith didn't have to kill those demons like she thought she would. Willow sent them to one of the hell dimensions where they'll be happy. I know she would have been really depressed and pissed if she had to kill the demons. I don't know why she was so against killing them. Sure it's different with every demon but those were killers so killing them would have been justified. I don't know what was going on inside Faith's head and now I don't have to because they're gone.

Now that I'm actually getting up and feeding Joseph when he's hungry I'm completely exhausted. Before I was tired because of the depression or whatever, but not like this. No, this is the exhaustion that a person gets when they have to get up every two hours. Faith is helping out a lot. Sometimes I don't even have to get out of bed. She'll bring him to me and I'll lay on my side and she'll hold him so he's facing me and when he's done she'll put him back in his basinet if he's asleep. If he's not then I usually stay up with him until he does finally doze off.

We're in bed even though it's only nine o' clock. Now that the full moon scare is over we'll all pretty fried and we need some rest. Matthew is really tired too. I guess he ended up staying up late every night waiting for the slayers to come to back our house since it was the 'command post' and he'd listen in on the reports. The kids went to bed half an hour ago and Joseph is asleep but me and Faith are still up. We're too tired for sex, we both know that. I think she'd actually laugh at me if I suggested it. I still want to feel her though. I guess I'm starting to feel a little insecure again. I don't know why, I guess it's because my nerves are fried. So I cuddle up to her and she looks away from the T.V. and into my eyes.

"You ok, baby?" she asks and gives me a little kiss on top of my head. She wraps her arm around me and I snuggle up to her and nuzzle her neck and now I'm feeling much better. I just mumble a little reply and she giggles 'cause her neck can be very ticklish sometimes. But she calms down and we go silent again. I like our quiet time together, it's soothing, comforting. I don't know why but it is. I absently draw little circles on her stomach with my fingertips and I accidentally brush against her scar. That used to be such a sore spot for us, well me mostly. She got over it way before I got over the guilt. I avoided touching it, looking at it for so long. But now we're better and she doesn't care when I gently trace it with my fingertip.

"Faith?" I ask and she let's out a little 'hmm?' I smile a small smile and give her neck a little kiss. "Our anniversary is coming up in a couple of months. Do we have any idea what we're going to do to celebrate? I mean, it's our very first wedding anniversary, I think we should do something." Her breathing stops for a couple of seconds. I guess she forgot about it. I know we're not going to be able to go away on a weekend getaway or something like that because Joseph will only be three months old. Our anniversary is on May twenty-first. There are a lot of places we could go out to dinner. We only live forty-five minutes away from Vegas, so trust me there are plenty of romantic restaurants we can get a reservation at.

"Well..." she pauses and shits her weight around a little bit. That should never be taken as a good sign. She has no idea. She probably forgot all about it. I'm a little hurt but I can't get too mad about it. With the craziness of everything I'm surprised I remembered it. "Joey is gonna switch to the bottle in a couple of weeks." That's right, I totally forgot about that. The colostrum is going be gone and replaced with the breast milk and that's when I'm going to switch to the formula.

"So we are leaving that Friday, which is the twenty-second and we are going to spend the weekend in Vegas at the Bellangio hotel in the pent house suite. We're going to dinner at Prime Steakhouse on Friday night, Le Cirque on Saturday, and on Sunday we'll order room service and just stay in bed all day long. I also signed us up to do a bunch of stuff, like getting massages and stuff like that, but we don't' have to if you just want to relax in the room." I look up at her in awe. When...what...huh?

"When did you do all of this? You have everything planned out, when did you find the time?" We've been so busy lately I have no idea when she would have to time to do this. But you never know, a second ago I thought she had forgotten all about our anniversary, and then I find out she has it all planned out. Did she plan our outfits too? I probably wouldn't be surprised at this point.

"A couple hours before our bachelorette parties. I was driving by the strip and I saw the hotel and it's amazing, you're really gonna love it. So I called 4-1-1, got their number, and made all the reservations before anyone else could. This is one of the best hotels in all of Vegas, and there will be nothing but the best for my wife." Aw, she's so corny, but it's sweet. "I was gonna wait to tell you but this way you have more time to go shopping. The Prime Steakhouse and Le Cirque are formal, so you'll have to buy some new dresses, if you want." Wow, I get to go shopping too. This is the best anniversary ever. We should have it everyday. She turns off the T.V. and we scoot down the bed a little more so we're laying down all the way instead of slanting like we were.

"What did I do to deserve you?" I ask and look into her eyes. She smiles and a little and I kiss one of her dimples. I love her dimples, they're just so damn cute. She knows it too, she uses them to her advantage all the time. She doesn't really get why dimples are so cute, they just are. "I mean it Faith. You are so amazing. I really don't know what I would do without you." And I don't. If Faith weren't in my life I know I'd be dead. No really, the whole world would actually. It was because of Faith that we figured out the secret to killing the mayor. So if it wasn't for her we'd all have been eaten by a giant snake. And she's given me so much. She's filled my life with love and happiness, and sure everything isn't great all the time, we have our disagreements, but we get over them.

"I just give you what you deserve, baby. I love you, and you've given me so much." That's what I was going to say! "You've given me a family, that's something I've always wanted. I didn't have a home before we got together, I have it now, thanks to you." Aw, she's such a sweetheart. If I wasn't so tired she'd so be getting some right about now. But I am too tired and she sounds like she's starting to doze off. "Let's go to sleep, ok?" See, I told you. "We wanna get some sleep before moose wakes up." Yeah, how unflattering is that nickname, huh? That's one of the little nicknames she's given to Joseph. She mainly calls him Joey, but moose, bubba, semi, and truck are some of the other things she likes to call him, especially when he's hungry. He isn't that big, he just has a lot of rolls.

"I love you too. G'night," she says it back and then gives me a little kiss on the lips. I return it and then she pulls back and wraps her arms around me a little more securely. I love it when she holds me like this. It makes me feel so safe, like nothing can touch me. Even after all these years together she makes me feel whole. I don't think I'd have that if I ended up with anyone else. I honestly think I'd still be single or in an unhappy marriage if I were with someone else. Faith is the only one for me, has been ever since I met her. Actually I think it goes beyond that. My love for Angel was real and intense, but there was always something missing. I used to think it was because he couldn't come out in the day, we were never a 'normal' couple, but I know now that it's because he wasn't Faith. She's my other half and I'd be completely lost without her.

FPOV

B sure was surprised when I sprung the anniversary plans on her last night. I thought about saving 'em for later, ya know, really surprise the hell outta her, but that could've proven disastrous. B's already tryin to plan a shopping date with Willow so they can get her some new outfits. Oh yeah, not just two new dresses, we're talking a whole new wardrobe basically. I already know what I'm going to get. A nice pinstripe suit. Hey, when else am I gonna get to wear a fuckin pinstripe? Might as well take the opportunity. I have an appointment at some shop to get it tailored next month so we're all good.

We've just been relaxing today for the most part. It's good to be home, that much is for sure. It was nice to be at the motel with B for a couple of days but I missed my home, I missed my kids, I missed my dog, I just missed this place. I coulda done without the demon scare but that's just what a slayer's gotta put up with. B is still always talkin about retiring but I know she won't be doin that anytime soon. She loves it too much even if she's too hardheaded to admit it. I see the way she throws herself into it, how she always feels a little relieved afterwards. Nah, she's not gonna be retiring for a long time.

Mattie's been buggin me to train him but I really don't feel like gettin off my ass today. All the other slayers already went home. Well, the interns went back to the slayer school and Kennedy went back to L.A. I guess Cordelia didn't come out like I thought. I guess things have been a little hectic in L.A. 'cause they usually never leave each other alone like that. Anyway, I brought up the other slayers 'cause if they were still here I'd probably ask one of them to train him, but they're not and I really don't feel like getting up today. But I have to because it's a Tuesday which means I gotta get to class.

"Baby, have you seen my black boots?" I yell and drop to my knees to look under the bed, but they're not here. Where the fuck did they go? I keep all of my shoes in a laundry basket in the corner of my bedroom so I won't lose any of them and now these ones are gone. And they're my favorite ones too. I get up and walk over to the dresser and open up my jewelry box. Fuck I have a lot of necklaces, why do I have so many? Right, because I have an obsession with crucifix necklaces. Not just those but Celtic crosses, I love those two. Or would they be considered the same thing? I have no fuckin clue. While I'm digging through those looking for the perfect one I bob my head along with the beat of the song.

I really want to wear those black boots. They go all the way up to my knees and they have these really cool buckles all up and down 'em. They're just for decoration but they're still bad ass. And they're steel toed and trust me that's a bonus. But I guess I'll have to go with my stupid brown ones that only go above my ankle. Maybe I should start buying more then one pair of the same shoes, then this shit will never happen again. Woe, I think I just channeled Buffy. I think I need to lay down. Nah, I'm just playin.

I finally find the necklace I was looking for. It's my silver Celtic cross that Buffy got me for Christmas one year. She got me a matching knife too. God, I love her so much. She is by far the perfect wife. So I put on the necklace, throw on my boots and run outta my room. I need to leave now or I'm gonna be late. If I'm late one more time I'll get detention and that would fuckin suck. I've been late a lot 'cause Buffy wasn't takin care of Joey, but then I got my dad to help me out with that and I got her the breast pump.

And today I don't even have to drop Addy off at daycare 'cause for some reason the bus system is shut down today, so my dad picked Mattie up for school and he offered to take Addy too and I took him up on it. I do feel bad leavin B all alone with Joey, but she'll be fine. Now that the hormones are calming down and she isn't as crazy she actually wants to be around him now and she's willing to take care of him. She still grumbles about it a little but so do I.

I run out into the kitchen and B's makin some breakfast. Pancakes, perfect. I sling my backpack over my shoulder and grab a ziplock baggie outta the drawer and steal two of her pancakes and put 'em in the baggie. She looks at me like I'm insane or somethin. Then I grab the bottle of syrup and pour it inside the baggie, seal the little zipper thing, and shake it up. And now B's lookin at me like I'm on crack.

"What? I ask and she just shakes her head. "I gotta run, but I'll see you this afternoon." I give her a kiss on the lips and she kisses me back. I would turn it into something way more but I know I'm gonna be late. I walk over to the little bouncy chair thing that she has on the table and give Joey a kiss on the forehead. "And I'll see you later, Moose." I run for the door and grab my keys off the end table. "Bye baby, love you!" And I leave. I jump in my car and floor it down the street. I unzip the baggie at the stoplight and inhale them on the drive to the school. Pancakes on the go, I should get this fuckin patented, we could make millions and we'd never have to mooch off'a Giles again.

I screech into the parking lot like some kinda maniac and park in my spot. We're not assigned spots or anything but all these pimply faced teens know that this is mine. Well, ok, I park here a lot and I guess they think I'll kick their ass or something 'cause no one is ever in this spot. And I hate to admit it but I am one of the most popular girls at this school. No joke, I kid you not. Everyone wants a little bit Faith, and there's not enough of me to go around. Besides I'm taken and I'd never cheat on B with one of these kids. Well, I'd never cheat on B period no matter what the person's age or looks.

As I walk through the main doors and into the crowded halls I'm hit with a series of 'hey Faith' and 'hi Faith' and 'how's it goin Faithy?'. I walk by a group of jocks and they all stop talking just to watch me walk by and the cheerleaders hangin on their arms all glare at me and then hit their boyfriends on the back of their meatheads. Oh yeah, I still got it. I'm sorry but I am loving this way too much. But there is nothing like having your ego boosted like being wanted by every boy in a school. I'm thirty-three years old and these kids want me bad. It does make me feel sexy. But their just boys, they could never do anything a real man could and no one can do what B can. So knows my body so well that I come every single time. I can't say that about anyone else.

"Ms. Lehane, cutting it a little close aren't we?" Ms. Barton says when I walk in the room. I guess the warning bell already rung 'cause everyone is already in their seats. And what's with the fuckin 'tude? I swear this teacher hates me and I have no idea why. I totally think it's because I'm with Buffy but I can't prove it. She's always callin me Mr. Lehane and I'm always correcting her and telling her it's Mrs. Lehane. She just can't understand that I'm married, I got the fuckin rings, the wife at home takin care of the kids, what else do I need to prove it, a home video or something? I just don't get it.

"Well, you know me," I say nicely. "And it's Mrs. Lehane," I say way less nicely and take my seat in the middle of the room. And yes these seats are assigned. If it were up to me I'd be in the back, but it isn't so I have to sit in the fuckin middle. At least I don't have to sit up front. Then she starts today's lecture and I get to pretend to take notes. This class is so fuckin easy. I'm only taking it to get the credits. I never thought I'd be good at this psychology bullshit. I signed up for it to get a little bit of a challenge but it's pretty fuckin easy. Memorizing concepts, names, facts and vocabulary words and remembering them until the quizzes. Then forgetting all of it to make room for more concepts, names, facts and vocabulary and then cramming at the end of May for the final. And trust me it's just as boring as it sounds. And finally the fuckin bell rings. I thought this class would never get over with.

"Ok, class, read chapter ten tonight and be prepared to answer some questions about it." Fuck this is so stupid. She makes everyone participate in this class. It's like she actually wants us to learn or some shit like that. And now it's lunch time. I know you're probably thinkin, one class and then lunch, what the fuck? And it's because I don't have a first period. I'm only taking three classes because of the summer school that I did, I don't need to take a history class. So all I have is an elective class, a math class and an English class. So I have psychology, go to lunch then go to English and then math.

I sit down at my usual table outside with the guys. Well, all except for Will. He moved a couple months ago. His parents finally got a divorce and now he's living with his mom in Connecticut. I guess she's got a sister out there or something. Anyway, I sit down and greet the guys. I'm not gonna eat lunch today 'cause driving really fast while eatin something really sweet has my stomach all grumbley. Holy fuck did I really just say that? So I'm talking to Mike about the usual: comics, and this kid is so full of shit. I'm about to get pissed and really make my point and shatter this kid's world when Vicky Albert sits down next to me. Only she isn't just sitting down, she's sitting so she's facing me and her legs are spread and she's wearing a skirt and if I really wanted to I could look down and see what kinda panties she's wearing but I'm not gonna.

"Hey Faith," she says with a big toothy grin. Vicky Albert, relatively hot, nice ass, long blonde hair I'd love to pull, but she's junior which equals a minor so I try not to think about her when she walks by or smiles at me. I usually just say a polite hello and wave and smile back but I've never actually talked to her before. "Can I talk to you for a minute, in private?" I nod my head and we stand up at the same time and I follow her to a secluded spot. Ok, not entirely secluded, people can see us but we're out of earshot.

"This is gonna sound totally retarded, but the junior dance is coming up in two weeks and I was wondering if you'd be my date." Holy fuckin shit. I'm getting asked out by a high school girl! Wow, never though this would happen. I've been asked out by almost every single guy in this school but the girls tend to hate me 'cause their boys want me. And Vicky is just so...innocent. I never woulda pegged her as the kinda girl who wants me. And I know I'm gonna feel like an ass but I have to reject her 'cause of the whole MINOR clause.

"Vicky, you're a nice girl, and you're wicked hot, but you know I can't go with you." She looks so sad. Now I really feel like an ass. "I'm married, and you're only seventeen. There are plenty of other really hot girls that go here that I'm sure would really like to go with you." Great, she looks like she's gonna cry. Fuck, I feel like an ass. But I can't let her get to me, I can't let those big tears that are rollin down her cheeks have any affect on my answer and I can't let those big brown eyes try to sway me into saying yes. "I'll think about it ok? I'll give you my answer on Monday, so please don't be a bug about it." And just like magic, the tears disappear.

"Don't worry, I won't. So, I guess I'll talk to you later." And she scampers off, and I check out her ass as she walks away. And I'm not sure but I think the little tease is puttin an extra sway in those hips. Great, this is just great. Now I have to go home and ask my wife if I can go to a school dance with some teenager who I guess has a big crush on me or something. And I was so manipulated back there. The big crocodile tears and those big puppy dog eyes. I am such a fuckin softy. B's ruined me and this is the first time I've gotten mad about it. Hey, that's actually a good thing. I can just blame the fact that I can't resist tears on her because she's the one who did that to me. I am so good at finding ways to turn it around on other people. Now I just hope it works 'cause if I try to blame this shit on B and she doesn't buy it I'm gonna be in a lot of trouble.


	42. Nancy Regan Lied, You Can't Just Say No

**The Following Tuesday.** FPOV

Monday sucked, you have no fuckin clue. I didn't tell B about that chick askin me to take her to the dance. I asked for an extension because I still haven't made up my mind. So I have to give her my answer on Friday. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna turn her down because she's a minor and I'm married and I don't really wanna go to a dance with someone other then my wife. Plus I don't like school dances, they're lame. So yesterday was kind of a bummer 'cause when I asked to hold off on my answer 'til Friday she looked like she was gonna cry, and trust me today isn't looking any better. We just got our math tests back and I got a D, which is gonna lower my grade to a C-. I'm sorry but a C- isn't good enough for me. I really wanna pass all my classes with B's at least.

It's this math shit that's kicking my ass. I have an A in psychology and a B+ in English, I will admit that I'm pretty kick ass when it comes to this school shit. If I had been this focused when I was in high school I probably coulda passed with flyin colors. But none of that matters now. I'm just glad I'm lucky enough to get to go back to school and hopefully I'll be getting a job after this shit. B's right, we can't be living off of Giles forever, we've slacked off enough, and it's time to get serious. Jeez, when did I start growin up?

I can't really blame Buffy for takin off like that 'cause it was mostly the hormones getting to her but sometimes when I take a step back and look around at what my life is I start to question things. All the other things I could have done, the things I could be doing right now if we didn't have kids and yeah I get a little overwhelmed too, but I love my family more then partying and going out. If we didn't have Matthew there's no doubt in my mind that I'd be an alcoholic and B woulda left a long time ago. I woulda fucked around like I used to and there's a possibility I coulda gotten a disease or two. I know I wouldn't be as careful when it comes to the slaying so there's the chance I could be dead. So this life is a little overwhelming, but I'm thankful for it.

I'm just glad school is fuckin over for the day. I'm tired and a little grumpy 'cause of that shitty grade. I have no idea how I'm gonna make up for that. But whatever I'm done thinkin about it. If I keep thinkin about it it's just gonna drive me crazy and we all saw what happened the last time I was crazy. Don't really wanna do that again. So I get in my car and jet outta the fuckin parking lot. I guess everyone knows to stay the fuck outta my way 'cause I never have a problem with the traffic, and trust me, the traffic in a high school parking lot at the end of the day is fuckin insane. But I usually get out with no problem, and I'm glad today is one of those days.

I can't wait to get home and see B. I think it's a little crazy that I miss her so much during the day. It's so weird, you'd think we'd get sick of each other but we don't. Ok, well sometimes we do, that's why when we still lived in Shasta Lake she'd go over to Willow's house and hang out with her. It's not just us, if two people are around each other all the time they tend to get a little snippy and sick of the other person, and that's what happened so we worked out a solution. But whenever we're apart a little bit of me misses her, ya know? Eleven years together and I'm still crazy in love with her. Insane huh? Yeah, I think so. But this is a good kinda insane.

I pull up into the driveway and shut off the engine. And I'm home again. I can hear the craziness that's goin on inside from out here. But it's like this almost everyday, I'm used to it. Hell, if it were quiet that's when I'd be worried. Quietness and kids mix as well as pizza and mashed potatoes. But whatever. I get outta the car and grab my backpack and the closer I get to the house the louder everything gets. I almost don't wanna open the door.

But I do. I open it up and walk into the house and I can't help but smile. It's strange that walking into something like this can make me smile, you'd think I'd wanna run for the hills or something but I don't. Joey's in his little swing thingy crying, Mattie's jumping from one couch to the other, Addy and B are screaming at each other, and there's somethin cooking on the stove that smells great. There are toys all over the living room floor, markers all over the couch, pen marks on the walls, and a naked Barbie doll with a toe lace tied around it's ankle and hanging from the ceiling fan, which is on the lowest setting so the Barbie is just kinda swinging around with all of her hair cut off, and that is on the floor as well. Aw, the fuzzy tingly feelings of home, and no I'm not being sarcastic.

"Matthew, off the couch," I tell him and he jumps off and lands on the floor. He gives me a hug and then runs off, probably to color the neighbor's cat with the non-toxic washable markers. He's been doing that a lot. It's not all his fault, the cat sits there and lets him do it. Now to settle this little argument my wife and daughter are havin. It sounds like it's gettin serious. B is gettin pretty pissed. Her ears are turning red, that is never a good sign. I think she needs to have her blood pressure checked if ya ask me, but nobody did so I guess I'll keep my mouth shut on that subject.

"Oh Addison, cut the act, I can read you like a book," B says. I look over at Addy and she has tears welling up in her eyes. That's what B was talkin about. Addy's been doin that lately, trying to cry her way outta things, and it worked for a little while, until B realized it was all an act. Ever since then Addy hasn't gotten away with much. And my little girl get pissed that B called her out, and the tears disappear and she stomps her foot really fuckin hard and little hands ball up into fists.

"Well then turn the page!" she screams and stomps down the hall to her bedroom and slams the door hard enough to shake the windows in the living room. Fuck, her voice is so damn annoying when she screams like that. Oh right, Joey's crying, totally almost forgot about that. Poor little boy, he must be feeling really ignored. I pick him up outta his swing and he stops crying. Hmm, guess he just needed to be held. I give him a little kiss on the bridge of his nose and he fusses a little bit. He's just the cutest little baby in the world. What? When it comes to my kids I'm allowed to be mushy.

"Hey baby," I say oh so sweetly and give B a kiss on the cheek. "Another fight, huh?" She just gives me a threatening look. Ok, I guess she doesn't wanna talk about that right now. That's cool, we can just talk about something else. "Whatcha cookin?" She walks into the kitchen and I follow her 'cause it smells really fuckin good.

"You need to have a conversation with your son." Hmm, I didn't know that was a food. See, I would say that out loud, but I choose to live. "His teacher called today. Apparently he and David Lynch got into a bit of a spat." That kid is an ass, and he's always giving Mattie shit, and we have no idea why. Mattie never tells us what he says. But the teacher's been callin to tell us about the arguments. "And when David called Matthew a doodyhead." Ok, trying not to laugh. "And Matthew thought it would be a good idea to call David a douche nozzle." Yeah, that's my boy. And this is the part of the conversation that usually goes bad for me. "Now, where do you think he would have learned that?" Maybe if I act like I don't know what she's talking about I won't get into trouble here.

"Well, B, we don't really monitor what he watches, maybe he saw something on T.V. or in a movie." She pours whatever was cooking into a big bowl and fuck that looks good. But then she slams the pot in the sink and I think the handle just broke off. Joey starts cryin a little but I calm him down. I hold him up so his face is hidden in my neck. Mostly so that B will see I'm holding the baby and she won't be so quick to attack me right now. Yeah, I'm using my son as a human shield, you'd do the same thing if you saw the murderous look in her eyes. Ok, I need to get the conversation off this subject.

"So is this a bad time to tell you I got asked to the junior prom?" She gives me this 'oh my fucking God!' kinda look. She stomps off to the bedroom and slams the door so hard I think the fuckin wood just cracked. "I guess it was." Well, at least she knows and I don't have to tell her later. I'm kinda thinkin about going. I mean, I dropped outta high school, I missed the dances and getting dressed up and that kinda shit, so why not do it this time? I just can't spike the punch 'cause I could go to jail.

Ok, I can't ignore that smell anymore, I gotta try some of that shit. I get a spoon outta the drawer and walk over to the bowl. Hmm, looks like some kinda soup. I take a little taste and it's like...I can't even describe it that's how great it is. It's like there's a fuckin orgy in my mouth. Ha, a 'fuckin orgy' what other kinda orgy could there be? Stupid ones, that's what. A 'fuckin orgy' is the only kinda orgy to have. If you're into that kinda thing, which I'm not. Yeah, I've been around, but group sex...not somethin I've ever wanted to try. I guess 'cause it's a little harder to control a whole group, and back then for me sex was more about the control, the power. Now it's about just being close with B and gettin laid at the same time.

"Ah, Moose, you gotta try this stuff," I tell him and lick the spoon clean. He just looks up at me like I'm a total freak. I dip my fingertip in the bowl and carefully put it in his mouth. He fights it at first but then he starts suckin like there's no fuckin tomorrow. "See, I told you it's fuckin good." I take finger outta his mouth and keep on eating. There's enough for like six people here and I know I can eat it all. I wonder who else this was for? The kids don't like tomato soup and she usually makes simple stuff for lunch, ya know, sandwiches, pizza rolls, chicken strips, chicken noodle soup, or spaghettios.

"Faith what are you doing?" B yells and makes me jump. FUCK! I almost dropped the baby. I turn around and look at her like she's insane. What does she think I'm doing? I'm eating lunch. You'd think she'd be happy that I like the food that she made. "Mandy's mom passed away I was going to take that over to her, I just wanted to change my clothes first." Oh...oops. Or should I say, Uh-Oh Spaghettios! Hahahaha, I am so fuckin funny! "Alright, you only ate half, that's enough." Then she looks down at little Joey and her eyes get big. "You gave some to Joseph!" ...I'd rather not say. "Faith he might be allergic to tomatoes and he's still too little to fight off a reaction." Uh-Oh Spaghettios. Ha, I still got it. And he is so not allergic to tomatoes. And I know this 'cause I gave him some ketchup last week.

"B, he'll be fine. He's a little slayer, and slayers aren't allergic to food, it's biologically impossible. It'd be like a dog bein allergic to ass sniffin, or leg humpin." And she gives me yet another one of those 'what are you , on crack?' kinda looks. It used to bug me that people look at me like that sometimes, but it has now become my mission in life to get that look at least twice a day. I got one this morning from my psychology teacher and now one from B so I have filled my quota.

"What are you talking about? Matthew's allergic to pears." Oh right, he is, isn't he? Totally forgot about that. How did she even know I gave some to Joey? I look down at my little boy and he looks up at me like he's agreeing with B. What a brat. But then I see it. He has a red ring around his mouth. I coulda sworn I was more careful then that. I guess not. I wipe up the soup and look up at B with a little smile and put plenty of dimple in it. Then she gives me a look of defeat. "Ok, I can't deal with this right now. I have to go over to Mandy's. I'll be back in a little bit." I watch as she puts the soup in some tupperware and grabs a clean spoon. "Just, don't kill the kids while I'm gone, ok?"

"Right, don't kill 'em, got it." My sarcasm is so not lost on her. She gives me a little death glare. "So, about the dance. I was thinking we could have Vicky come over for dinner one night, ya know, let you meet her before I take her. I think it's only polite, and then I could go over to her house the next night for dinner to meet her parents." Her glare gets so fuckin scary I back away a little bit and she leaves. I am so not getting any tonight. But fucking with her sure was fun. I look down at my boy and tickle his chin a little bit. "Yes it was, messing with your mommy's mind is so much fun." So I'm talkin baby talk, so what? "Come on, let's go see what's on T.V."

BPOV

I can't believe Faith is being like this today. I'm stressed enough as it is. And she knows I'm stressed, she saw the end of that argument I had with Addison. She saw how tense I was, and I glared at her a lot, and she knows that means I'm stressing out. But does she care? No, she doesn't. She just wants to make her stupid jokes, and remind me that she's wanted by everyone around her, and not give a shit about my day. I know I'm overreacting but I really don't care. Addison has been arguing with me ever since she got home from daycare, and Dawn's been calling me a lot because her due date is coming up really soon and she's freaking out because she thinks she isn't going to be a good mom. It's all normal first pregnancy stuff, but it gets a little irritating because she called seven times today.

I left Mandy's house about ten minutes ago. She's so...broken. I totally get it and I do want to help her through this because we're friends now and everything, but being around her is really depressing, and I know that sounds selfish, but it is, and I am so not the only one that is thinking it. Ok, so maybe it's not so much her that's depressing, but the situation, and all of the depressing memories that being around the situation brings up. I walk down the sidewalk and just take a look around. Suburbia, that's where we live. I've always kinda wondered why it's little suburban towns like this that are so full of evil. Well, ok to be fair Sunnydale is the only other comparison, but still.

I get why the big cities have a lot of demons and vampires, because it's a big city, there's plenty of people to eat, plenty of places to hide or take over and call your own. But little places like this? I just don't get it. Maybe it's the quiet? Vampires have excellent hearing. Being in a big city with all of the hustle and bustle has got to give them a migraine after a while. As much as I hate it I need to slay. If I don't get a good slay in every once in a while I get stir crazy. I clean non-stop, I try to bake but it never works out, I get really snippy with the kids and with Faith, but she understands and doesn't fight back most of the time. Sex will help calm me down a little but sometimes it just isn't enough.

I walk up the driveway and then on the little pathway to our porch. I sit down on the steps and just look up at the sky. Today isn't going like I thought it would. I got the call about Mandy's mom about half an hour before I left. It didn't take me long to make that soup, it was mostly just chopping the added stuff, then opening up some cans and heating it all up. It shouldn't have taken that long but Addison just wouldn't stop bothering me. She's usually really independent when she plays, or she tries to play with Matthew and his friends, but today she wanted me to play with her and I couldn't because I had to finish making that soup and then run it over to Mandy's house.

The fights with her are getting worst. I don't know what to do anymore. I really wish I had someone to talk to, someone who knows how to handle it. I would talk to Faith but she's just as lost as I am. And apparently Faith was a little angel when she was little because Chris doesn't really know what to do either. He said that sometimes Faith would argue and sometimes have a flip out, but not all the time like Addison. Me and her are starting to fight more, but the fights she gets in with Faith are horrible. Those two just clash in the worst of ways. I've had to break up so many fights because they get out of hand really fast. I try not to help Faith win her battles with the kids because they need to know that she's in charge too. I tense up when I hear the door open but it's just Faith. She walks out and sits down to me and lights up one of her cloves.

"Hey," she says and takes a drag. I don't say anything, I just rest my head on her shoulder and stare straight ahead of me. I feel her hand slowly sneak into my and we interlock our fingers together. I love that we still do the hand holding thing. You'd think after eleven years we wouldn't, but we still do sometimes. It's strange how comforted I feel just by holding onto her hand. You'd think I'd need more, maybe a hug or something, but no, all I need is for her to hold my hand. "I straightened up the living room and loaded the dishwasher." Aw, she's trying to make my stress go away. I lift my head and give her a kiss on the cheek. I'm going for the silent communication because I really don't feel like talking right now.

"So, we're good?" she asks and takes another drag. I nod my head and rest against her shoulder again. "'Cause I was just joking when I said we should invite that girl over for dinner. That'd be a little corny." I can't stop my eyes from narrowing and my blood boiling just a little bit. Ok, I'm jealous, so what? Big deal. Faith gets jealous all the time. "And it's just the junior prom, no big deal, right? I already planned on taking you to my prom." Wait...what? I sit up straight and look at her with a very confused look on my face. She smiles and lets go of my hand and uses her thumb to gently caress my right eyebrow.

"I've never been to a prom, B. Figured this is my last chance. You can wear one of your new dresses, test it out, make sure it's gonna be comfortable enough to wear on our anniversary." That is a good point. I smile and give her another little kiss on the cheek. She's smoking right now, there's no way I'm kissing that mouth of hers until she's brushed her teeth. I rest my head on her shoulder again and we sit in silence for a few minutes. That is until it's interrupted by a loud scream of frustration. I let out a very unhappy groan and hide my face in Faith's neck.

"Remind me again why I wanted a girl," I say and Faith laughs a little. I feel her bracing herself to get up. "Don't worry, finish your cigarette, I'll take care of this." She gives me a little kiss on the lips and I get up and go inside. I see Matthew run out of the kitchen and Addison chasing after him, holding something in her hand. Addison is screaming at him and it makes him run faster. They run through the living room and down the hall and I hear his bedroom door slam. And now Addison is banging on it, and trying to get it open. I better get over there before she breaks it down. She may only be three but she's a slayer and if she gets angry enough she can break a door if she wants.

"Addison!" I yell to get her attention as I walk down the hall. She doesn't stop though. She keeps hitting the door with her fist and twisting the knob with the other hand. "Addison," I say a little lower and grab her by the arm and turn her so she's facing me. "What's going on in here?" She looks so pissed off. I don't think I've ever seen her like this before.

"Look!" she yells and pick some up off the floor. I'm about to say something about the yelling but then she holds up one of her Barbie dolls and it's arms, legs and head have been ripped off. "Look what Brother did for no reason!" And here come the tears. She does this a lot. She gets really mad then she sort of breaks down and starts crying. We really need to teach her how to control her emotions. I just wish I knew how to teach her to do that.

"I didn't do it for no reason!" Matthew yells from behind his bedroom door.

"Yes you did!" Addison screams. They keep yelling at each other, going back and forth like a ball at a tennis match, and then Joseph starts crying. Oh my God, where is Faith? It doesn't take this long to smoke a fucking cigarette. She's probably finished already, and waiting for the screaming to stop before she comes in so she doesn't have to deal with it. That sounds like something she would do. But I did tell her I'd handle it so I guess it's mostly my fault. Why did I tell her that? I can't deal with this right now. I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed but I can handle this. I can do anything as long as I stay calm.

"Both of you shut up!" I yell there's silence. It's pretty rare that I yell like that but listening to them scream at each other and Joseph crying in the background was starting to get to me. And I do feel a little better now. "Matthew, come out here please." I hear him grumble and huff and stomp his feet but he opens the door and stands in the doorway. "Why did you do this to your sister's doll?" I know my son, he wouldn't do that for no reason.

"'Cause she kept hitting me with it, and I told her if she did it again I'd rip it up, and she hit me again so I did." What happened to the good ol' days when they used to get along? Well, they still do but they're starting to fight more. Just normal sibling stuff. How did my mom survive this? I feel like I'm ready to kill something and they're only nine and three. How did my mom survive eighteen years of this?

"I did not!" Addison screams. "You're just mean!" Ok, her screaming is really starting to get under my skin in a very, very bad way. I so need to go slaying tonight. Either that or have unrestrained, rough sparring with Faith followed by hot sex. I just need a way to get this frustration out before I freak out.

"Addison stop screaming," I don't yell but my tone is stern and hopefully she won't scream at me like she normally does. "Matthew go in your room and stay-" he rolls his eyes and sighs really loud and it just pisses me off even more, and because of that my voice gets as hard as stone. "Stay in there until I say you can come out." He backs into his room and closes the door. He isn't a door slammer, thank God. "Addison, go to your room too. You know not to hit your brother." She throws the destroyed Barbie to the ground and stomps her foot.

"No," she says and looks me right in the eyes with the same defiant look I give the vampires that I fight. I used to give it to my mom sometimes too. Now I know why she would get so mad when I'd do that. Every time she looks at me like this it makes me rethink my whole 'not spanking my children' rule that I set up for myself. Sure sometimes a light smack on the butt every great once in a while but never a full out spank. But I stay calm and control myself.

"Don't tell me no. Now go to your room." She's gotten into the very bad habit of telling both me and Faith no when we tell her to do something. Sometimes she just completely ignores us. I think that's worst then being told no. At least this way she's acknowledging us.

"No," she says again and stomps her foot. Ok, this has gotten insane. She needs to learn to listen. I grab her by the wrist and start walking towards her bedroom, and she's fighting me. "No! Stop! Let go!" She screams over and over and over again. By the way she's screaming you'd think I'm beating her or something. And trust me she is throwing a fit. She's screaming and crying and grabbing at my hand with her other hand, and diggin her heels in the floor to try and stop me from pulling her, but I'm stronger so it isn't working. I open her bedroom door and force her inside her room. She turns around and looks at me, tears are running down her face and I just want to scoop her up in my arms and hold her until she stops crying but I can't because then she wins.

"Now stay in here until I say you can come out." I close the door and she lets out a long scream. Great, and now she's throwing things against the wall. I can't deal with this anymore, and Joseph has been crying for like five minutes now. I take in a deep breath and let it out very slowly. I rub my forehead a little bit and walk into my bedroom. He was asleep until his older siblings started fighting. I pick him up and gently cradle him and his crying calms down but it doesn't stop. "I know, sweetie baby, I know. Did those big kids wake you up?" I ask in baby talk and pull down my left strap on my dress. Luckily this is the kind of dress you don't wear a bra with. I hold him up to my breast and then silence. Thank God. I sit down on the bed and turn my head from side to side, popping my neck bones.

"Jeez, what was all that about?" Faith asks from the doorway. I look over at her with a death glare and she physical recoils a little. Then she points over her shoulder with her thumb and gets desperate look on her face. "Ya know, I just remembered I have a psychology paper due tomorrow, I better go work on that." Yeah you do that. She turns around and walks away. Faith and I have been together for eleven years, been married for almost one, so when it comes to dealing with the kids why do I feel all alone?

FPOV

Well boys and girls, today is the day. It's Friday and I have to give Vicky my answer. No more of this 'give me more time' bullshit. I have to be honest and it's gonna be hard but I have to tell her no. Come on, goin to a school dance with some underage chick I don't even know? Sure I know who she is, I've seen her around and stuff but I don't really know her. She seems like a nice girl but how would I really know that? And she could be a total fucking psycho.

Ok say I do go to this stupid dance with her, and then she thinks it means something and she starts buggin me about it and she wants to spend more time together and she starts callin me at home and shit like that. B would be really fuckin jealous, I'm just bein honest, the kids would probably get a little freaked, Mattie would get pissed and think that I'm cheating on B, and then I'd have all this unwanted drama and fighting and being stalked all because I went to some fuckin dance with some girl I don't even know. So I'm going to save myself the headaches and just say no.

This class is so fuckin boring. I hate it. I wanna drop it but I need the credits so I have to suffer through it. It isn't even interesting anymore. Learning about the human mind and all that shit used to be kinda cool but now it's just work and I don't wanna do it. There are lots of things I don't want to do but I have to do them so I might as well just suck it up 'cause this isn't as bad as changing shitty diapers. Finally the fuckin bell rings. I thought I was gonna be in here forever. I get up from my desk and leave the room. The halls are always pretty crowded. They're not very big and there are a lot of kids that go here so it can get a little tight but I don't care. It's not like any of these people could physical hurt me and if I really wanted to I could just shove my way through.

But it's lunchtime, and it's kinda bittersweet. Sure I get an hour break from class and I get to eat, which is always good, but I'm going to tell Vicky that I'm not going to take her to that dance, and she's probably going to cry. I really hope she doesn't cry in front of me. And what really fuckin sucks is the dance is in five days, so I'm pretty sure everyone else is already taken. I shouldn't have cut it so close. I should have told her no when she first asked me 'cause then she would have had time to find someone else. Ok, Faith stop thinkin like that. You're just gonna guilt trip yourself into saying yes and that would be bad.

I haven't exactly talked to Buffy about it. Sure she knows I got asked out and all that shit but she never brought it up again and I really didn't want to tread those waters, it coulda been deadly. I don't know what Buffy's reaction would be if I were to say yes. I mean, she didn't care when I made out with that guy in the woods, and this is just a school dance, so why would she care? Because she's a girl, and we're fuckin weird. Me makin out with that guy was no big deal because she knows I would never cheat on her, and he's a teenager and all hormonal and shit and thinkin with the wrong head, and it meant nothing to him. This is a school dance with another girl and she's probably going to get all emotional and it might mean a lot to her, and that's what'll piss Buffy off. She'll think I'm cheating on her emotionally or something. Yeah, how fucked up is that?

I walk through the cafeteria and outside to the table I always sit at. I greet the guys and they keep on talking about whatever it was they were talkin about before I got here. But I don't join in. Nope, I just sit here and keep my eye out for a certain blonde girl and I'm going to ignore the knot that I'm gettin in my stomach. It's the feeling of guilt and I fuckin hate it. I hate that I care so fuckin much. Why should I care? I don't even know her. But I do care now, I care how other people feel and it's all Buffy's fault. Ok, I can't really blame it all on her, the kids have softened me up over the years, but it's mostly Buffy's fault. If I end up saying yes I am going to be so pissed. Let's just hope she doesn't cry.

I look over at the cafeteria doors and I see her walk out with a couple of her friends. She's lookin good today, I gotta admit. And I really need to stop bein a perv. I'm in my thirties for fuck's sake and she's only seventeen. But fuck, can you blame me, when she's dressed in a tight ass top, and a little skimpy skirt showin as much leg as she can, and damn those are some nice legs. She'd look so fuckin hot with those long legs wrapped around me while I fuck her with the strap on. Dammit! She's seventeen, she's seventeen, she's seventeen. Maybe if I keep repeating it in my mind over and over again these pervy thoughts will go away.

"Hey Faith," she says and rocks back and forth from her toes to the heels. She sounds so...bubbly? I don't know, it's hard to explain but she sounds like she's in a really good mood. Now I feel like a real ass. "So, it's Friday." She's lookin at me with those big brown eyes and they got this sparkle in 'em and I know exactly what it is: innocence. She's so young. She hasn't experienced hardly anything yet. She isn't jaded or callous or cynical. She hasn't been damaged by the world yet. Ah, to be young again.

"Yeah it is. Lets talk over here." I get up and we walk to the same spot we talked last time only the difference is her friends are sitting at a table and watching us. I guess she asked them to come along for moral support. Now she's looking at me all expecting and shit and it's making me nervous. I'm married for fuck's sake, I turn people down all the time, so why is this time so damn hard? Maybe because all those other people I'll never see again, and I walk passed her all the time.

"Look, I know you really want me to take you to this dance, why I don't know, but you do and..." She can tell this isn't going to be good and her eyes are already starting to water. Fuck. I sigh and look down at my feet. I can't believe I'm doing this. "What time do you want me to pick you up?" She fuckin squeals and wraps her arms around me in a big hug that I don't have time to return 'cause she realizes what she's doin and lets go, and now she looks all embarrassed. Her blush is kinda cute. Stop it Faith!

"Well, the dance starts at nine so how about eight? That way we can get something to eat before we get here. And here's my address, and phone number in case you need it." She hands me a little slip of paper and in pink very girly looking hand writing it has her phone number and her home address. I am gonna need that. Not the number but the address. I look her in the eye and I can tell she's really excited about this. I need to make her understand something.

"Look, I don't wanna sound like a bitch, but me taking you to this dance, that's all it is. This is a one-time thing and I don't know what you're expecting to happen but we can't do anything other then dance together. I'm married, and you're seventeen, you understand?" By the expression on her face you'd think I just slapped her or something. But she nods her head and says goodbye and walks over to her friends. I check out her ass as she walks away and I swear she's putting a little extra sway into those hips. Fuck, what did I just get myself into? I can't believe I just said yes to her.

I just hope B doesn't get pissed 'cause of this. I really don't wanna sleep on the couch tonight. That'd probably make Addy really happy though. Right, I should probably explain. Ever since we got back from the motel when B took off Addy's been sleepin in our room. She throws the biggest fit at night until B finally gives in because she feels guilty. And she feels guilty 'cause Addy always says shit like 'but if I wake up Mommy might be gone again'. And that type of stuff always gets to B so she caves and lets Addy sleep in our bed and it's the same shit like before. She cuddles up real close to B and pushes me away. And she doesn't get jealous when Joey wakes up for his middle of the night feedings. She moves over while he's eating and then cuddles up to B when he's done.

I walk back over to my table and I feel like an ass 'cause I was totally fuckin manipulated back there. I hate it when people get the best of me and that bitch just did. She knew I was gonna say no so she pulled out the crocodile tears and used 'em against me. She remembered how I couldn't say no to 'em last time. Oh well, fuck it. I look around at the guys and they're lookin at me like I'm God or something. Ok, what the fuck is goin on? Then Mike speaks up. I swear, it would do that boy some good to keep his mouth shut. He gets himself into trouble by just flappin his jaw.

"You're taking Vicky Albert to the junior prom?" he sounds like it's a good thing. Trust me this is gonna 'cause some grief at home. I just nod my head and steal one of his fries. Again with the awe-struck look. "Dude, you are so going to hit that." Excuse me? I start chokin on the fry but I get it swallowed and let out a strangled 'what?' "Vicky's been talkin about this since she was a fuckin freshman. She wants to lose her virginity before she turns eighteen, something about hating her dad or somethin, and she's been talkin about the junior prom for fuckin ever. She's so gonna let you hit that." Wow, this is a big fuckin deal.

"No, I'm not gonna hit that. I'm married, you fuckin retard. I'm just doin her a favor so she doesn't have to go to the dance alone." I steal a couple more of his fries and he frowns a little and pulls the carton outta reach. Well fuck, I'm hungry but I don't wanna go back in the cafeteria. Way too fuckin crowded and people always grab my ass. Mike leans forward on the table a little and looks at me like I'm retarded.

"What are you not getting? Vicky is fucking hot. You can see, right? You have eyes and they fuckin work?" I should hit him for talkin to me like this, teach this little punk some respect, but whatever. Me and my friends used to talk to each other like this all the time.

"Yeah, jack ass, my eyes work. But you don't get it, I'm married so I can't 'hit that'. Besides she's only seventeen, which equals jailbait. I hit that I go to prison for the next fifteen years and no thank you to that." It's true. And now they're all lookin at me like I'm retarded. What is it with people and looking at me like that? It's really starting to piss me off.

"Jack ass, this is Vicky Albert and her virginity. You're honestly saying you don't wanna be the first person to go inside that pussy? Be the first to make her moan and fuckin scream." Wow, I forgot how teenage boys could be and now I know. Great, Mattie's only three years away from tunring into these guys. I just hope he has more respect then this.

"Look, I got a wife and three kids, I'm not about to give all that up just for some virgin pussy. It may not seem like it now but there are more important things then getting laid." Who just fuckin said that? Did I just fuckin say that? Wow, maybe I have grown up. Who is this bitch and what has she done with the real Faith? Looks like B has whipped me into shape. I'll have to give her shit about it later. I wonder if any of this shit is true. I mean, this is high school, rumors like this get started all the time. I'm not gonna ask her about it 'cause I'd rather not get arrested for solicitation or whatever. I just need to be cautious. Take her to the dance, take her back to her place, give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek, and fuckin go home. I'm a slayer, there's no way a little girl is gonna get me to do something I don't want to...shut up, the dance thing is completely different.

BPOV

So Faith is taking that skank to the dance tonight and I'm at home with the kids. She promised me nothing would happen, said she was just going to take her to the dance, take her home and then come back here. But still, I worry. She's a teenage girl and those can be very persuasive. But I trust Faith. I know she won't cheat on me. It's the other girl I don't trust. But whatever. I'd rather be home tonight anyway. The kids haven't been so bad today and right now we're curled up on the couch and drinking hot chocolate. I realize that it's fifty degrees outside and not really cocoa worthy or anything but I just felt like having some and the kids wanted some too. We didn't have a lot of hot chocolate this winter because I was in bed rest for all of it and I wasn't supposed to have a lot of sweets. But that's all over now and I'm making up for lost time.

"How's your hot chocolate? Good?" I ask and they nod their heads and keep watching T.V. I have no idea what they're watching because I haven't been paying any attention to it, but it's keeping them quiet so it's fine with me. I'm too worried about that dance. They're going to be dancing together, and it's a junior prom so there are going to be slow songs and Faith won't turn Vicky down because she's too nice. I'm just worried that girl's hands are going to get a little curious and touch places I'm only allowed to touch. Just thinking about it is making my blood boil a little bit. Oh just wait until she gets home, she is so in for it.

"Mommy, why is Mama at the dance with that other girl and not you?" Addison asks and takes a sip from her mug. The kids bugged Faith about it earlier but she didn't really answer any of their questions. She just sort of tiptoed around them. She can be a coward when it comes to them and their questioning. She knows that if she were to try and explain it they wouldn't have understood and probably would have been mad at her for taking Vicky out and leaving me here. They're weird like that.

"Because your Mama doesn't know how to say 'no'." Addison lets out a little huff at that and then mumbles 'she says no to me all the time' and takes another sip from her mug. As much as I like spending time with my kids and trust me I love it, but I really want to know what Faith is doing and they can tell I'm distracted. I'm just glad they're not asking me questions about it because I really don't feel like sharing right now. Alright, it's time for them to go to bed because I want to get ready for when Faith gets home. She is in for a big surprise. "Ok guys, time to go to bed." They both grumble and whine a little and then Addison looks up at me with the biggest pout on her face.

"But we wanna wait for Mama and watch you yell at her for goin out with that other girl." I try as hard as I can not to roll my eyes and it's pretty damn hard. And saying no to her is pretty hard because she has one of the best pouts I've ever seen. I use it to my advantage all the time. Whenever I want Faith to run to the store to get some ice cream or something I'll tell Addison about it and pick her up so her face can be next to mine and I'll ask Faith to go get some and then both me and Addison will pout and Faith doesn't stand a chance. But that hasn't been happening a whole lot anymore since I've been too tired from taking care of Joseph all day.

"No, you two need to go to bed. You both have to go to school tomorrow and I don't want you being cranky in the morning." When Addison started going to daycare it was fine, but after the first couple of weeks she decided she didn't want to go to daycare she wanted to go to school like her brother, so we started calling daycare school and now she's fine. They grumble some more and I really hope this isn't going to turn into a big hassle. "Put your cups down and go brush your teeth." There, I used my stern voice and it seems to be working. I know it isn't me, they just don't feel like arguing right now because they had a long day. I've been out of shape since I had to go on bed rest and I decided to get back into shape so I filled up some bottles using the pump and had Chris watch Joseph for me and I took the kids out to the shed and we trained for a long time.

While they're brushing their teeth I put the mugs in the sink and rinse them out. They can stay in here until morning because I really don't feel like unloading the dishwasher just to put in three mugs. And right on schedule Joseph starts crying and I go into the bedroom and feed him. I can't believe how big he's gotten already. He'll be two months old on the ten of May. He likes to just look at people. Whenever someone holds him he doesn't cry or anything he just stares up at their faces with a little scowl on his face. It is the cutest thing ever. And he'll follow things with his eyes and he ooohs and ahhhs sometimes. He's just the cutest little baby in the entire world and I am so glad that I got better because now I get to enjoy this.

When he finishes eating, which usually takes about twenty minutes, I tuck him in the basinet and give him a little kiss on the forehead and check on the other two. Matthew is changing into his pajamas and Addison can't decide which nightdress she wants to wear, the Cinderella or the Beauty and the Beast. It takes fifteen minutes for her to finally pick the Sleeping Beauty even though that wasn't an option at first. After tonight I am burning all of her nightdresses and buying new ones, plain colors only, all of them will be pink and she won't have to choose which one she'd rather wear.

"Mommy," she says as she climbs into bed, and she's using her stuck-up voice. She's going to ask for something, I know she is. "I'm your favorite daughter in the whole world, right?" I walk over to the side of the bed and help her get under the covers. I let out a little 'right' and don't bother telling her that she's my only daughter because it doesn't matter. She's still going to ask for something. "Since I'm your most favorite daughter in the whole world can I get a lady dog for my birthday?" We've had this conversation about a million times so far. I cover her up and pull over one of the little chairs that go along with the little table and sit down.

"Addison, you know you can't have a lady dog because we already have a dog. And if we get a puppy Tucker will get really mad at us and he might hurt the puppy." He's never had to share anything with another dog and that's one of my biggest concerns. I don't want to get a puppy so the kids will get attached and have Tucker hurt it and Faith give it away because that's what will happen. And the kids will be heartbroken. But Addison looks so sad because she really wants her own dog, a little dog because she's only a little bit taller then Tucker. "Tell ya what, tonight when your Mama gets home from the dance I'll talk to her about it." Hey, Faith isn't here so it's totally fair to leave the decision up to her.

"Ok Mommy." She knows that Faith is going to say no because she's been saying no for the last year or so. I give her a little kiss on the lips and tell her I love her and she does the same. I put the chair back and turn out the light and close the door almost all the way but she's going through a phase right now and doesn't like the door closed completely. I don't know why but she'll freak out if it's closed all the way and I'd rather avoid that right now. So I leave her room and check in on Matthew. He's already in bed but his lamp is still on. He was about to turn it off when I opened the door and now he's just looking at me kinda funny.

"I'm too old to be tucked in, ya know," he says and lays his head down. He's really tired, has been all day. I don't think he's been sleeping well and I have no idea why. I tried asking him about it but he doesn't want to tell me and I really don't want to push the issue because I don't want to be the kind of parent that forces their kids to open up to them. I'll leave that up to Faith. I just roll my eyes and walk into the room. He sighs and moves his legs around a little bit.

"You're never too old to be tucked in by your mother," I tell him in a mock-serious tone and he rolls his eyes. I remember when I started telling my mom I was too old to be tucked in. I was twelve so he's got me beat by two years. But I guess boys start fighting it a lot faster then girls. That's just a guess it's not like I've sat down with every mother in the world who has a son and gone over how old they were when they started saying they were too old to be tucked in. I pull up the chair that he's had in his room since he was a baby.

It isn't a rocking chair, just a really nice wooden one that Faith found before he was born. She used to sit in it whenever she'd read to him or she'd stay up late with him when he was sick and couldn't get to sleep. I sit down and look into his eyes. Dark brown, just like Faith's. Now that he's getting older he doesn't look a lot like Faith anymore. No, he's starting to look like Chris. I don't have a problem with it, Chris is a handsome man, I will admit, but it would be nice to see some of me when I look at my son. But whatever I'm not going to complain.

"You're growing up really fast," I tell him and he just rolls his eyes. I smile a little because he's acting a lot like a sleepy Faith right now. "I mean it. It seems like only yesterday you were a little baby, crying whenever you were hungry and breaking the lamp in the living room almost everyday." He still does that sometimes unfortunately. I've probably spent well over a thousand dollars just replacing the original lamp. It was such a nice lamp too and I've never been able to find one exactly like it. But that was years ago so I'm over it.

"You're not gonna do that thing where you get all nostalgic and start crying and then we hug? 'Cause I just got comfortable and I really don't wanna move." My son, ladies and gentlemen. If he were anymore like Faith he'd be her clone. I reach over and ruffle his hair and he tries to avoid it.

"No you little smart aleck, I'm not going to start crying. I'm just making an observation." And here comes the part of the conversation that gets a little uncomfortable because it's the serious part. "What I'm doing a bad job at saying is that you're growing up, and there are going to be some things that you'll have questions about and you'll probably be embarrassed to ask them." He looks a little confused now but that's ok. "But I just want you to know that you can always come to me and Mama, or even grampa Chris." I nod my head a little at my own advice. What? It's a good idea. "Yeah, I think he'll be able to explain things a little better then us girls, but you can still come and talk to us if you want." He still looks thoroughly confused. Way to go Buffy. "Well, I'm just gonna go. Goodnight." I give him a little kiss on the forehead and he says goodnight and I flick off the light and leave the room.

It's only ten o' clock. I still have a whole two hours before Faith gets home. But that's ok. I think I'll just go to bed. I'm not really in the mood for anything frisky anyway. I was going to take a shower mostly to get my hair wet and dry it off a little but leave it pretty damp and then go to bed nude and surprise Faith when she tries to sneak into bed. But I think I'm going to change into my pajamas and go to sleep. I didn't realize how tired I really am until just now and boy am I exhausted. This whole 'being a mom' thing is a lot more exhausting then I thought it was going to be before I became a mom.

So I change into my pajamas and shut off the light and crawl under the covers. This is a really comfortable bed. I'm glad we went with the more expensive mattress and not the one that was on sale because this is great. I hear the door slowly creak open and I can't help but smile. I was wondering when she was going to try and sneak into my bed. Ever since I got back from running away Addison has been sleeping in my room. I've tried making her sleep in her own bed but I just feel so damn guilty. She thinks I'm going to take off again and she wants to make sure that I won't. Now normally I wouldn't let guilt get in the way of making her stay in her own room but this time is different because it's my fault. If I hadn't taken off she wouldn't be so freaked out.

I don't say anything as she climbs up on Faith's side of the bed and crawls under the covers. She's a lot like Faith in that they both like to get away with stuff. So I'll let Addison think she's sneaky and sly and I'll let Faith deal with her later. Faith hates it when Addison sleeps in our bed. She says it's because she doesn't want Addison getting jealous of Joseph, but she doesn't. I know it's because Addison cuddles up to me and doesn't want anything to do with Faith. Faith is the jealous one, not Addison.

Well, I shouldn't say that because once when Addison dozed off Faith carefully picked her up and moved her over so she could cuddle up to me, and Addison woke up and got really pissed and said that Faith is selfish and wants me all to herself. They fight over me a lot and it used to be a little funny and kinda of cute but now it's really annoying. But things will get better soon once Addison realizes I'm not going anywhere. Oh yay, Faith's home. I can't wait to give her a bad time about going to that dance.


	43. The Weekend In Vegas

Sorry it took me so long to get this posted. But I've been busy with school work and I got writer's block on the last two POVs, but it's posted now and I hope you enjoy.**  
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**Two Months Later.** BPOV

And we're on our way. We already dropped the kids off at Chris' apartment, said thanks to him about a million times, gave them enough kisses and hugs to last until Monday morning, and then I went over all the rules with Chris just in case he forgot. I'm not trying to be mean, but they've never spent the night at someone's house over an entire weekend before and I worry. The car is all packed up with our stuff, the reservations were already made so I don't have to worry about that. I don't have to worry about anything at all. Faith has it all planned out and trust me she's loving it.

I should probably tell you what day it is. It's our very first wedding anniversary! Ok, so technically yesterday was our anniversary but it was a Thursday so we had a nice romantic dinner with the kids and made love after they went to bed, but this weekend is just one long celebration of our coming together in holy matrimony. And I can't wait to get started. I'm not sure exactly what we're going to be doing. Faith had mentioned us getting massages and stuff like that, but she wouldn't go into the details and when I called the hotel to ask about the itinerary they said that they can only give out that information with Faith Lehane, and when I tried to lie and said that I was Faith Lehane they asked for a password.

So my wife knows me a lot better then I thought. That's a good thing, I guess. She just wants everything to be a surprise, she wants it to be special, and she wants to drive me crazy. That has become her goal in life, I swear it has. But that's fine with me as long as she doesn't have us signed up to do anything that requires me to do any type of physical exertion I'm good. This weekend I plan on: sleeping, eating, laying around, being pampered, sleeping, making love with my beautiful wife, and sleeping. Not all in that order of course, but that's the gist of it.

I feel Faith's hand snake it's way into mine and I look over at her. She has this small smile plastered on her face and I can't help but smile because of it. She brings my hand up to her mouth and she gently kisses my ring finger and then my wedding rings. She is so great. She's the perfect wife ever. She goes out of her way to make me happy, and even though she can get a little...bothersome it's always in a playful way and she knows just how to butter me up so I'm not mad at her anymore.

I can't help but squeal in excitement when I see the hotel. I printed out a picture of it two weeks ago just to give me an idea of what I was getting myself into. And oh my God it is way better looking in person. It's beautiful. The building is taller then any I've ever seen, and it's almost dark so they have all the lights on, and there's a huge fountain out front that's in the middle of a large manmade pond looking thing. Faith pulls up in front and shuts off the car.

"Come on, we need to get the bags," she says and hops out. Before I even get my seatbelt off someone opens the car door for me. I look over expecting a mugger or something. Hey, you never know. But it's a bellhop. I unbuckle the seatbelt and he holds out his hand and helps me out of the car. I thank him and he just politely nods his head. I look over at Faith and she's standing on the little sidewalk looking a little irritated because the other bellhops won't let her get her own bags. Awe, she looks so cute when she pouts.

"Baby," I tell her in my baby-voice. She loves it when I do this. "This is just their job. They want to make sure that we're relaxed and don't have to flit a finger." I wrap my arms around her and rest my head on her shoulder. She mumbles under her breath and I giggle a little bit. Poor little baby hates it when other people try to do things for her when she can do them herself. She hates feeling useless. "Now Faithy, please don't pout. Come on, we need to check in." I hold onto her hand and the bellhops lead us inside and someone valet parks our car. God this place is so cool. And the lobby is beautiful. The ceiling is covers in these really cool glass flowers and I really want to take some home.

I don't really pay attention while Faith checks us in. All I can think about is going upstairs and taking a nice long bubble bath with my perfect wife. They hand her four of the little key card thingies. I don't know why she got four since there's only two of us. She gives me a little kiss on the lips and I kiss her back but before I can surprise her and turn it into more she pulls back and now we're walking. And now I know why they gave her four little card thingies. We have our own elevator. That is so cool!

The bellhops get on with us which kinda sucks because I really wanted to make out with Faith on the ride up. She and the guys make polite conversation but I'm too busy being wrapped up in her arms. We're usually not this affectionate in public, but this is a special occasion and I'm going to be snugly with my wife as I wanna be dammit. The elevator stops and the doors open up and now we're in a little hallway. But there's a nice looking door in front of us. Faith uses one of the other little key things and opens it up and I try to walk in but she stops me.

"In the living room is fine guys, thanks," she says and the bellhops wheel our bags into the room. Now that's not fair. I wanted to see the room first. "And where did you think you were going, missy?" She's using her mischief voice. "You were the bride, right?" I nod my head and I'm about to say something but she interrupts me. "No, no. No arguments. The bride gets special treatment, and that includes..." She picks me up off the ground and holds me bridal style and I can't help but giggle. "Being carried across the threshold." Now I know what she's up to. I lean in to kiss her and just then the bellhops walk out.

"Thanks guys, you're a big help." She holds onto me with one arm and she pulls some money out of her front pocket and hands it to them and they leave. "Now baby, close your eyes." I hate some of these games. I close my eyes and I feel her moving. Then I hear the door close and now we're moving again. "Alright baby, open 'em up." I open my eyes and this room is fucking awesome. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume this is the living room. Everything is beautiful from the chairs to the carpet to the lamps and the end tables and the flowers and the fake fruit and the T.V. Everything.

"Wow, it's so beautiful," I whisper and she gently sets me down but she keeps her arms around me. I can feel her breath on my ear and she gently kisses the shell of it.

"Yeah you are," she softly says and then she kisses my neck. Is she trying to turn me on? Because it is so working. I guess she can smell my arousal because she lets out a tiny little growl. Yep, my baby growls and it's the cutest thing in the world. "Sorry to be a tease but we got here a little later then I planned and dinner is in an hour and I know how long it takes you to get ready." Not cool, that is so not cool. But Faith promised that all the food is to die for so I might as well give it a try. I mean, I've died twice so I'm the expert on knowing if food is to die for, don't you think?

"Stop it," she says in a stern tone. Um, excuse me? Since when do you talk to me like that? I give her a little look that says 'watch the tone' and she knows exactly what I'm not saying with words. Her demeanor instantly changes to a calmer one and she kisses me deeply. Our tongues swirl together and she nibbles at my bottom lip and gives it a little tug. "I know you were thinkin those morbid death thoughts, and this weekend...no, not just this weekend, but this Buffy," she holds up our left hands and gently rubs my engagement ring with her thumb. "This marriage is about life, about our lives, and I'm not in denial, I know one day it's all gonna end, but lets just forget about that for now ok? So please, no more morbid death thoughts?" I sigh and give her a look that lets her know I think she's being a little overdramatic.

"Ok, no more morbid death thoughts. But it just seems a little crazy that you of all people are telling me of all people that the food here is to die for when you haven't even been dead once." She lets out a very frustrated sigh and walks off. Hey, I was still all with the snuggles, what happened to my snuggles? I want my snuggles. It doesn't matter how upset she gets with me or how frustrated she gets. I have a secret weapon that she can't say no to. Ok, so it's not really a secret since she knows what it is and she knows I'm going to use it.

"Faithy," I whine and let the tears fall. She's sitting in the bedroom with the little table lamp on and for a second I forget that I'm supposed to be sad and pouty because this room is fucking gorgeous. She is so going to get some tonight. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I walk further into the room and she avoids looking at me. "I'm sorry, Faithy." I sniffle really loud and she looks up at me. "I was just joking. I didn't mean to upset you." I start sobbing and she practically jumps off the bed and wraps me up in her arms. I am so good at this.

"I know you were just jokin, but you know it pisses me off, Buffy." I know it does, that's why I do it. What? She makes me mad on purpose all the time and she knows how to get me unmad at her. She pulls back from the hug a little to kiss my tears away. God, she is perfect isn't she? Why am I even asking, I know she is. "Let's just relax alright? We'll get ready for dinner and then we'll come back up here and just take it easy for the rest of the night, ok?" I nod my head in agreement and she kisses me. It's soft and gentle and tonight she is getting oh so much more. I almost wanna just skip dinner and get straight to the lovin, but she really wants to eat tonight and I guess I'm not on the menu yet. But that's ok because I don't really plan on letting her eat me tonight. Nope, tonight it's all about her because she did this wonderful thing for me.

FPOV

So last night we had a fabulous dinner at the Prime Steakhouse and B confirmed that the food is to die for. I hate that she still jokes about her being dead and all but I guess I should just chill out about it 'cause it was a long time ago and she's alive and well right now. Anyway, after dinner we walked around a little bit and I took her out to the courtyard and we sat on one of the benches and watched the water fountains and all that other girly stuff. Then we started kissing. It was small at first, light pecks here and there. But then it turned into a full blown make-out session and we started gettin hoots and hollers and some complaints so we went upstairs. We went straight to the bedroom and we made-out in the middle of the bed for a while but then this little vixen said she needed to use the bathroom.

As soon as she shut the door I jumped up and stripped down to my underwear, red lace 'cause that's what she likes. I pulled the covers down to the foot of the bed and I waited for her to get back. She walked back in the room wearing nothing but her wedding rings, and holding two pairs of handcuffs. I got a big smile on my face 'cause I thought I was going to have some fun. But then this little in-the-closet-dominatrix straddles me and when I leaned up to kiss her she pushes me back and then handcuffed me to the bed posts. I was a little freaked out at first 'cause twelve years of being together and she's never done anything like that, but then she did this thing with her tongue and it made it all better.

She uncuffed me before we fell asleep so this whole 'sneaking out of bed' thing is pretty easy. As long as I don't wake her up. I slip on some clothes and give myself a once over in the mirror. I'm not really looking powder fresh but a night of hot sex will do that to you. It's good enough for me. I grab one room and elevator key and slip out of the room and B is still asleep. She's usually a light sleeper but she's all tuckered out from last night. I'm not sneaking off to do something bad like I know some of you are thinking. See, it's not like I could pack a gift for her because she would have found it. So a couple weeks ago I ordered two gifts that I know she's going to love and I sent them to Kennedy and Kennedy is stopping by here on her way to Denver to give the package to me.

So I head downstairs and towards the casino. Now I'm not a big gambler, I don't really like betting my money since I'd rather use it to buy stuff, but I think I might drop by here later while B is getting a massage because I know she's going to get one. I walk by the slot machines and this place is pretty empty, except for a couple of the people who are addicted and haven't gone to bed yet. It's eight in the morning for fucks sake. Anyway, I go past the slot machines and walk past the poker room. Now that is a room I'm going to drop by. Then I go into the other room, the one with the roulette tables, some other games I don't recognize, and of course the all time classic: blackjack.

I am so going to play this off smoothly. I exchange some money for chips and take another look around the room. I see Kennedy waiting at a blackjack table just like we planned and I sit down next to her but I don't look at her. I put down a blue chip, which I guess is ten bucks, I wasn't really paying attention to the person who handed 'em to me. I order a drink from the waitress and she scampers off to get that for me. I still haven't looked at Kennedy and she knows what I'm doing. We're really weird like that. The waitress brings me back my drink and I take a little sip and have the dealer give me another card.

"You got what I asked for?" I say in a casual voice as if I'm talking about the weather. I take another sip of my drink and set it down on the table. I glance over at Kennedy through the corner of my eye and she's trying not to smile. Me and Ken might not get along a lot of the time. She can be an ass and twice as stubborn, we grew up living completely different lifestyles, but we understand each other for some odd reason.

"Yeah. And you have no idea how much trouble I got in." Ha! That's fuckin hilarious. I know exactly what she's talking about. And I know because she told me when I talked to her yesterday morning while Buffy was in the shower. The gifts showed up at Kennedy's house and she opened them and put them in the little black boxes like I asked her. Cordelia came home from the store and thought they were for her. Apparently she was so happy that she teared up and then she threw the world's biggest hissy fit when Kennedy took 'em back and explained who they were for. She's been sleeping on the couch ever since.

"That's not my fault, K. You shouldn't have left 'em in an open area." I love that the card dealer is lookin at us like we're talking about something illegal. Little does he know that we're talking about diamonds. That's right, diamonds. Top of the line shit that cost Giles a pretty fuckin penny. I got her a diamond bracelet and a matching necklace. Now I've gotten her jewelry before; gold, some silver, and her engagement ring is gold with a diamond, but it's nothing like these babies. Ok, so they aren't as impressive as I'm making them sound. They're not very big, but there's a lot of them so they're really gonna sparkle.

"I'm out," Kennedy says and finishes off her drink. I feel her place the package on my thigh and I smile a little bit. I feel like a gangster doing a drug deal or something. Yes I know how retarded that sounds but this is my little fantasy and you're not going to ruin it for me. Then she leans in really close to me and whispers in my ear, "I threw in something extra. Have fun." And she walks off. Now I want to know what's in the box. I smile at the dealer and he smiles back and I flip my cards over. Oh yes, you can't beat twenty-one. Unless you're the dealer and you also have twenty-one. Fuck, and I thought I was gonna win. Better luck next time.

I go back upstairs and walk into the foyer. I guess it was too much to hope that Buffy would still be asleep. But this is ok. I can work with this. I open up the brown cardboard box and look inside. There's the two black velvet boxes, one bigger then the other, and a little bottle. That must be from Kennedy. I pick it up and read the label and have to bite my lips to keep from laughing. She gave us a bottle of edible, watermelon flavored massage oil. Now why didn't I think of packing something like that? Oh well.

I put that in my sweatshirt pocket and toss the cardboard box in trash. I hold the other boxes behind my back and walk into the living room. Buffy's sitting at the table which is in the back corner of the room, and she ordered a pretty big spread. She's reading the newspaper and sipping at a mug of coffee. I can't help but smile. She's so weird. She never does this at home. Then again, she never really has the time. But lets not think about that right now. I sneak up to her as close as I can but it's pretty useless since she can feel me through our slayer connection.

"Where did you go?" she whines and looks up at me through her eyelashes. Damn, she looks so sexy, and she isn't even trying. "I woke up alone and cold and I couldn't find you anywhere and-" she stops and looks at me with some...suspicion? What the fuck did I do? Her eyes narrow and she puts down the newspaper and crosses her arms over her chest. Oh yeah, there's gonna be a fight if I'm not careful. "Have you been drinking? Faith, it's only eight-thirty in the morning. Just because we're in Vegas it doesn't mean you get to lose all self-control." I take in a deep breath and remind myself that this is all my fault because I was the one who ordered that martini.

"Look, B, I had one martini while I was downstairs. I was just waiting to get these." I pull the boxes out from behind my back and put them on the table in front of her. I wanted it to be a little more romantic then that but maybe this way I'll get some 'I'm sorry I was a bitch' sex. But I doubt it, it's too early even for that. B looks at me a little weird and then slowly opens the small box and see the bracelet and she lets out a little gasp.

"Oh my God, Faith. It's beautiful. You didn't have to do this." She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me into her lap. I knew she was gonna fuckin love it. I sit across her lap and she gives me a couple of kisses on my neck. I steal a strawberry off her plate as she reaches for the bigger box. No, I don't want her to open that one yet, I changed my mind. I grab onto her wrist just as she gets a hold of the box.

"Ya know B, I wanna wait for you to open this one, ok? Wait until tonight." I have something very special planned for tonight and she is gonna love it. And I know those diamonds are gonna shine where we're goin. She lets go of the box and opens her mouth to talk but before she can get a word out I kiss her deeply. I shift in her lap and press myself against her so we're tits to tits. But she pulls back and looks down with a little frown on her face. She reaches in between our bodies and into the pocket of my sweatshirt. What the fuck? She pulls something out of it and gets a big smile on her face.

"Edible massage oil?" she asks in her naughty voice. God, I love her naughty voice so fucking much. You have no idea what it does to me. "So, I see you were planning on getting very lucky later on." She looks up at me through her eyelashes and pouts a little bit. "I get to eat some of this too, right?" I think I need a new pair of panties 'cause these are soaked straight through. I just nod my head and get a huge grin on my face. I know what she's up to, I can feel her hand slowly sneaking its way towards mine.

"You're not opening the box Buffy. You got the bracelet this morning, you'll just have to wait until tonight to see what's in this one." I give her a peck on the lips and get off her lap and walk into the living room and plot down on the couch. God this place is fuckin nice. Too bad we already spent all that money on our house and decorating it and shit otherwise I'd beg Giles to buy us a fuckin penthouse. I hear Buffy grumble and sulk and shit and I just smile. She's so fuckin cute even when she isn't tryin.

BPOV

I can't believe Faith got me a diamond bracelet. It is so beautiful. I've been wearing it all day and I can't stop looking at it. It's so shiny and sparkly. I have the best wife in the entire world and I'm not giving her up so don't ask. It sucks that she won't let me open the other box. I was so close to getting my hands on it. I distracted her with my naughty voice and everything but I guess she felt my hand move or something. I really want to know what's in that box. I have a feeling it's going to be more diamonds but I'm not sure and I want to know what it is dammit! This is going to drive me insane all damn day. She knows better then to put a gift in front of me and then say 'oh, no sorry changed my mind, maybe later'.

But enough about that. My day has been going pretty good so far. Breakfast was nice once Faith got her lazy ass off the couch and sat down with me. After that we cuddled on the couch and watched some T.V. and then Faith went to check out the place a little and I decided to just stay in the room. I took a fabulous bubble bath with about fifteen lavender scented candles lit all over the room. I put on the bathrobe and I planned on getting dressed but this robe is just so damn comfortable I don't think I'm ever going to get dressed again. And right now, at this very moment while I'm thinking about all of this I'm getting a massage, and I didn't even have to leave the room. I just called down at the front desk and asked them about setting up a reservation and the woman said she could send someone up to my room.

And I think I made a huge mistake not marrying a masseuse. I would never be stressed if I were married to this man, let me tell you. I wonder if there's some kind of masseuse school that Faith can go to. Now don't get me wrong, she has wonderful hands that have given me complete ecstasy, but this guy is taking me to a whole new level of pleasure and I've been missing out. And I can tell he's getting a little uncomfortable because I cannot stop myself from moaning and it all sounds very sexual. I just hope Faith doesn't come back before this ends because if she opens the door and hears me moaning like this she's going to assume the worst and get all defensive. But with this guy's hands working on my lower back I'm finding it very hard to care.

"Did you know you have a lot of tension in your back?" the masseuse asks...I can't remember his name, and I just grunt. He laughs a little and keeps rubbing me with those magic fingers. I do get a lot of backaches and Faith usually massages them out for me. Usually. The night she went to that dance...well, that's still a bit of a sore spot between us. She came home drunk because someone spiked the punch and she just couldn't resist. Her hair was all messy and she was practically falling out of her dress. I guess one of the teachers that was chaperoning ended up trying to make something happen and Faith wouldn't let them and they got a little forceful and Faith's dress got ripped a little in the front.

Of course with me being me I didn't believe her right away because I can get very jealous and it took Faith a while to convince me that she wasn't lying. And since she was drunk she didn't have a lot of patience and we ended up in a screaming match in the middle of the hallway. We were angry and stupid and I regret every word that I said and I know she regrets what she said. I don't even want to repeat it, that's how bad it was. She slept in her car and I sat up all night staring into a half empty coffee mug. The next morning we apologized and made up and we haven't talked about it since.

Anyway, the point of telling you that was to explain that all that night and the next day I had the worst backache and Faith was still a little mad at me and she wouldn't massage the tension out of it. I don't blame her. We all know that I can say some pretty fucked up things when I'm pissed and we're fighting. Remember the fiasco at the slayer facility? Yeah, it was like that only a lot worst. I don't remember exactly what I said but her sexual history was brought to the table and she got very defensive and said that I'm just jealous because she's had more fun then I did. But whatever, I'm done thinking about it.

I know Faith has something planned for tonight, other then just the fancy dinner at the French restaurant. Before she left she told me to dress in formal but make sure it's something I can spend the rest of the night in. I don't know what she's got hidden up her sleeve but I think it's going to be very romantic because she had that mischievous glint in her eyes when she gave me the little bit of wardrobe advice. It wouldn't surprise me if it was something really romantic. Faith is the biggest sweetheart ever. Nobody believes me when I tell them that, but it's true. And she'll go to great lengths just to make me feel special.

I feel a chill run up my spine and I shiver and I think the masseuse is trying not to laugh at me. Faith better get back soon from wherever it is she went because this is starting to turn me on. I should get us signed up for one of those couple's massages. We could both get an hour of bliss from these magical hands and then give each other a different kind of bliss from our magical hands. Ok, I'm not saying that I have magical hands, but they do know a trick or two on how to get Faith to cum in less then ten minutes. It took me a while to figure it out and I had a lot of fun learning and getting it just right, and I'm sure she did too. What the hell is going on? Why did the magic fingers go away?

"Ok, Mrs. Lehane the hour has unfortunately come to an end." Damn. See, the problem with this whole 'having the masseuse come to your room' is you only get them for an hour. So I thank him for coming up here and giving me that wonderful massage, I try to charm him into staying longer but I guess he's heard it all because he won't stay. I put my robe back on and packs up his stuff, I tip him fifty bucks, and he leaves. Damn that massage got me really worked up. I wonder where Faith's at. I pick up the phone and dial her cell phone number. It rings five times before she finally answers it. That's weird, she usually answers it way before that.

"Hey baby," I say in my pouty voice. There's a lot of noise in the background, she's probably in the casino. She said something about a special poker room or something she was going to check out. "Where are you?" Ah, just like I thought. She's in the special poker room, and she lost a hundred dollars. Great. "Well, I'm just sitting here all on my lonesome and I'm feeling a little disappointed because I'm on my very first wedding anniversary and I really wanted to make love with my spectacular wife. So...why don't you come back up here? I'll be naked and waiting." I don't wait for her to replay because if she knows what's good for her then she will get up here as soon as possible otherwise we'll be going home early and she'll be sleeping on the couch for the rest of her life.

I run into the bedroom and start going through her bags. I know she packed it, she always takes that thing with her whenever we travel just in case we want to use it. No it's not in that one. Dammit, where did she put it? I can't help but roll my eyes as the thought comes to me. Five bucks says she put it under the bed. I get on my hands and knees and look under the bed and...yep, there's the box. You so owe me five bucks. Wait...this is different. This box has a lock on it. Dammit, Faith! I bet she bought something new and wants it to be a surprise. Well it's just pissing me off right now. I guess this time it'll just have to be a skin on skin experience.

"Baby, I'm back!" I hear her call out from the foyer. I can't help but smile because she sounds like she's rushing. Aw, my baby wants me bad. I crawl under the covers and listen as she walks into the living room. She's stumbling around a little bit and I can't help but roll my eyes. She's trying to get her boots off and walk at the same time. Then she opens the door to the bedroom and she's standing there, naked, and looking very turned on. I can smell her arousal from here. "Hey B." Her voice is husky and it's turning me on even more then I already am. She walks over to the bed putting a little more swing in her hips. She lifts up the covers and crawls under them and lays down next to me.

"I missed you a whole lot, baby," I say in my pouty voice and she gives me a little kiss. She tries to pull back but I bring my hand up to the back of her neck and hold her right where I want her and kiss her deeply. She gently massages her tongue against mine and then shies away. I follow her though, and do the little swirly thing on the roof of her mouth that she just loves. We finally pull back from the kiss, I can feel my lips throbbing a little and I'm getting wetter by the minute. "I really, really missed you." I whisper and guide her hand between my legs to let her feel the moisture waiting for her.

"Damn, B, you're really worked up," she says, her voice is deeper then it was earlier. She's just as turned on as I am, possibly even more. We kiss again only this time she gently rolls me over onto my back and lays on top of me. She's resting most of her weight on her elbows because she thinks I'm fragile, but whatever. I spread my legs for her and she rests in between them. I feel her hand gently spread my nether lips apart and gently rubs my clit with her thumb. I pull back from the kiss and start moaning. I can't help it, I've always been a moaner. We start up a slow but hard rhythm, sliding our clits together, feeling each other's wetness. I don't know how something so simple can give someone so much pleasure.

"Baby, you feel so good," Faith moans out and rests her forehead against my shoulder. I can't concentrate enough to say anything back, but I wrap my arms around her and rub her back. I'm getting so close and I can tell she is too. I close my eyes when the pressure starts to build more and I'm seeing spots of every color and size. I feel her lightly kissing my neck and then she nibbles at my hot skin. The feeling of it makes my toes curl and I claw at her back. I feel her tense up and she squeaks really loud right against my ear as she comes all over me. The feeling of her come gushing out onto my throbbing pussy throws me over the edge. I claw at her back even harder, probably hard enough to draw blood, and I call out her name.

I calm down after a few minutes and I open my eyes and Faith is staring at me, smiling a little. She's sweaty, and her make-up has run a little bit, but she's so beautiful. I lean up and kiss her and slowly pull her to me so her body is pressed firmly against mine. Neither of us says a word when we pull back from the kiss. We slowly roll together so we're lying on our sides. We shift around until we're comfortable and we hold each other. I can't tell how long we've just been looking into each other's eyes, but if feels like hours, and then we slowly close them and drift off to sleep.

FPOV

"I don't understand why I have to be blindfolded. It's not like you're taking me to a secret location that nobody else knows about. The least you can do is let me have some visual freedom in the car." I never thought it would be possible for someone to bitch and whine so much to bring me to thoughts of suicide. But low and behold Buffy Anne Summers-Lehane has done it. It started about fifteen minutes ago actually. The thoughts of suicide, not the bitching and whining. No, that started as soon as we got on the elevator and I put the blindfold on her. First she was complaining 'cause she thought because were gonna think we're freaks or something. But come on, this is Vegas, people do weirder shit all the time. And now she's complaining 'cause she doesn't know where we're going.

"Baby, it's a surprise, you're not supposed to know where it's at," I tell her in my sweet voice 'cause if I sound like I'm getting frustrated with her, and I am, but if I sound like it it'll just start a fight and I really don't feel like fighting right now. So she keeps bitching and I ignore it and just focus on the road. It's pretty fuckin dark so I really do need to concentrate or else a fiery death may be in our very near future. It's not like we're drivin on the edge of a fuckin cliff or anything like that, but there are a couple of farms around here or some shit like that and a cow might get loose and wonder in the middle of the road and if I'm not paying attention we could crash into it and we could all die burning. And I really don't want to die in a car accident because of a cow.

Fuck, she is still bitching. What happened to her good mood, huh? This afternoon she called my cell phone and told me to go back to the room and we had sex, and slept afterwards. When we woke up she was in a really good mood, especially when I said I was just gonna stay in for the rest of the day instead of exploring the place some more. If I wanted to leave she probably wouldn't have said anything but she made it pretty clear by the way she worded the phone call that she wants me with her. So I stayed. We watched some T.V., had some lunch via room service, and we took a shower together and I told her we had to dress up nice. It's all the blindfold. She's just pissed because she's too damn curious for her own good. But I'm not going to let her break me down. If I can say no to Addy, who is almost a master at manipulation, then I can say no to B.

"Don't worry baby," I say softly so I won't make her mad. "We're almost there. You're gonna love it." But she's on a tear and no matter what I say she isn't going to stop complaining. Well, she'll stop complaining when we get there, she seems the huge set up, and after a very romantic dinner is lying on her back and getting thoroughly fucked by me. She might say somethin about the blindfold afterwards but I don't think she'll be bitchy about it. But you never can tell with B. "Alright, we're here," I tell her and stop the car. She's really going to love this, there's no doubt about it. "No, B, keep the blindfold on. You can't take it off until I say so." She makes her arms go limp and they fall to her sides and she just sits there. She's just as bad as the kids sometimes, I swear.

"I think you're enjoying this a little too much, Faith. It's pretty obvious that you have dominance issues and have to be in control of everything." And now she sounds like a spoiled kid. But she's right, I am loving this. I don't say anything because I won't be able to keep the laughter out of my voice and I don't want to piss her off even more then she already is. So I hop out of the car, grab the bag I brought with me, and run around to the other side. I open her door and she unbuckles her seatbelt and I help her out of the car. I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her waist and guide her down the little path.

"It's ok baby, when you see what I did for you it'll make the blindfold thing all worth it," I whisper in her ear and give her cheek a little kiss. I see the soft glowing ahead and walk around the little turn. I let out a little gasp because I didn't know it was going to look _this_ good. What I'm looking at is a manmade lake, with trees and grass and the whole works to make it look like we're in a forest. On the right side of the lake is the cabin we're going to be staying in tonight and it has running water and all that because I know B hates camping because of the lack of indoor plumbing.

About fifteen feet in front of us is a little picnic that I payed to have set up. There's a large blanket on the ground, with other blankets that are folded up just in case we need them. There are pillows everywhere, a large picnic basket, and sitting next to it are two wine glasses and a bottle of red wine. But surrounding the little picnic are a hundred red candles and a hundred white candles, all of them are lit and it's making this place glow. The candles are a good five feet away from the blanket but we're still going to have to be careful if we do get up to some mischief out here.

"Ok baby, you can take that off now." Quicker then the blink of an eye she rips that thing off her head and tosses it to the ground. I hear her gasp and she tenses up in my arms. But this is all a good reaction. If it were a bad one she would have said something by now. I stand by her side and hold onto her hand and lead her over to the blanket. There's a space about four feet wide that's candle free so we don't have to step over any. We sit down and she looks up at me with...I don't really know how to describe it. Awe, maybe? I'm not sure. But I like the look, it's a good look. It's really boosting my ego. Not that it needs a boost 'cause it's big enough but it feels really good.

"This is insane," B finally says something, but I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. I guess I'll just have to let her talk. If I interrupt her now she'll just a get a little irritated. "I mean, we've been together for twelve years now and you're still so full of surprises and you can still make me feel like the most important person in the world. It's just insane that you can still do that." Oh, so it's a good thing? I'm not sure. I open up the picnic basket and pull out the food. We have some sandwiches, sliced apples, grapes, strawberries, chocolate, and whipped cream. Oh yeah, did I plan this right or what? "Nice spread." I look up at her and smile.

"Thanks. Here," I hand over her portion of the food and we start eating. We're also talking, not about anything important, just shootin the breeze or however that saying goes. She's basically just talkin about her hopes for the future. She can't wait for me to graduate and for Joseph to get big enough so we can put him in daycare so she can go back to school. We're going to wait until the fall to put him in daycare, he'll be six months, then both me and B could go to college and get our degrees. It's going to take a long time though. Three years for me, 'cause I want a business one, I have no idea what she wants to do, I don't think she knows either. But we still have plenty of time to figure it out.

"So, Faith, you planned this beautiful picnic, you have extra blankets and plenty of pillows, I take it you plan on getting lucky tonight?" B asks with a sly smile. I push the empty plates over to the side of the blanket and scoot towards her with a big smile on my face. I softly kiss her lips, and gently lay us down with her on her back. I pull away from the kiss and she gives me an irritated look. But it's all for show 'cause I can see the smile in her eyes.

"I think I deserve it, B. This surprise was very unexpected and romantic, so I get major points for that...and for this." I pull the bag closer to me and open it up and pull out the black box that I wouldn't let her open earlier. I open it up so it's facing me and she can't see it. I look inside and smile a little. "Ya know I was going to give this to you, but I think I want me to have it." She lets out an irritated grunt and sits up, pushing me off her in the process. I hand her the box and she looks inside and gasps...It's been about three minutes now and she still hasn't said anything. "Do you like it?" Of course she likes it. She likes it so much I've rendered her speechless. At least now the world can have a little silence.

"I love it. Faith," she looks up at me with tears in her eyes. I hate it when she cries, even when they're happy tears. I hate seeing her cry. "I love it so much." She gently touches it with her fingertips and I reach over and pull it away. I tell her to turn around and I carefully put it on her. She smiles and I kiss the side of her neck and she giggles. "This thing weighs a ton, it's going to give me some serious neck sores." I kiss her neck again and she shivers.

"Good thing you got me here to kiss the booboos away." I can't believe I just said that but it worked since she's turning around, kissing me, and pulling me down with her as she lays on her back. I am so getting laid tonight. But it isn't all about that, surprisingly. It used to be, trust me when I tell you it used to be. But being with Buffy is different now, I can't explain it but she leaves me satisfied like no one else can. And it isn't the 'I have her and no one else gets to touch her' satisfaction, it's something completely different.

"Baby that feels good, keep doing that," she whimpers as I roll my hips. These are moves I haven't done in a long time because they always make her scream when she comes and we haven't been able to do that in a long time. And this escalated really fast. I mean, just a second ago I was talking to you about how this is different and she was only lying on her back. Now she's lying on her back and getting fucked by me. Maybe it is the possessive thing that makes this so good. She's mine, all mine and no one else can have her.

"Ow! Baby, don't bite." I guess I got a little carried away with the possessive stuff. I lick at the bite mark and it sends shivers down her spine. I know it isn't going to be here for a long time, but I wish it would stay. You have no fuckin clue how crazy I get whenever I think about that mark she has on her neck from Angel. I just get so pissed, you have no idea how much it makes me wanna hit something. "Oh God, that's it baby, fuck me harder." You see, it gets me all pumped up and stuff 'cause of the adrenaline from the anger. "Yes...yes," B moans which is kinda weird 'cause she normally doesn't talk.

"Faith, I'm coming...I'm coming right now! Oh God, Faith!" And I feel her come gush out all over my soaking pussy. But I don't come at the feeling like I normally would, I don't get any type of satisfaction other then knowing I made her feel good. "What's the matter baby? Wasn't that good? Wasn't I good?" Twelve years together and she thinks she still isn't good enough. When is she going to learn that she's perfect in bed? Normally in this type of situation, and yes this has happened before, she would go down on me or use her fingers so I wouldn't miss out or anything, but I'm not in the mood anymore. I spoiled it, I have no one to blame but myself.

"Baby you're perfect. Don't ever think that you're not good enough. I guess I'm a little more worn out then I thought. Everything is starting to catch up with me." That's true, staying up late, and days on end so I can study for my finals really fucked me up. That's why I made sure to get a good night's rest on Thursday so I wouldn't be tired on Friday. But the stress of it and the wear and tear is catching up. "You wanna go check out the cabin?" She nods her head yes and smiles but I can tell she knows something's up. She also knows I'm not going to tell her. And she'll let it go because she knows I'm probably never going to talk about what I was just thinking about. And I'm not going to tell her 'cause it'll start a fight. So this whole being quiet thing is for the better. I just wish she didn't look so sad.


	44. Reminiscence

**Nine Years Ago.** FPOV

"I swear on my life that I would never cheat on you, that I have never cheated on you." Liar, she's nothing but a fucking liar. Can you believe the shit she's saying? 'Cause I fucking can't. "Think about it Faith, after everything we've seen, after everything we've done is this really that unimaginable? We fight vampires and demons, we've saved the world from the ultimate evil, I've died twice, once for almost four months. Is conceiving a child together really that far out there and impossible?" Well, I guess when she puts it that way it doesn't sound so crazy. I mean, we have seen some pretty weird shit, so this...thing...could be mine, or it could be some demon, or the product of a guy she fucked while I was in New York.

"Alright, maybe it's possible, just maybe." I sound fuckin pissed because I am. B's one of the very few people I've ever allowed myself to trust, I opened up to her, told her things I've never told another soul. And now she's pregnant. This doesn't scream supernatural, it screams super-slutty. I didn't even try to wake her up when she was unconscious. Naw, I left that to Red and Brat. I came out here and started smoking, did that for about an hour until they finally got her to wake up. Then she comes in here sayin that this...thing...is mine.

"Willow can do a spell, she can find out what is really going on. It could be yours, or maybe some demon did something to me. Remember when that one really pasty looking demon stabbed me in the stomach with that little poky thing that came out of his arm? Maybe he injected me with something, like his evil spawn. But Faith I swear to God I did not cheat." She keeps saying that and I can't help but think that she's trying to convince herself. Maybe in her mind she wasn't cheating. Nope when she took Riley for another ride she was just getting some closure, but she didn't cheat.

Yeah, I think it's Riley that she fucked. He was in town while I was conveniently gone. It probably wasn't planned. He probably came over wanting to talk and things just happened. I understand that, but it still happened, or at least I'm sure it happened. I could be wrong, and it's that little bit of doubt that's letting me even consider that this thing could be a demon seed or something. I mean, sure Buffy said that we conceived it, but we don't know that for sure. And I'm going to go ahead and point out the obvious that neither one of us has a dick, and we don't live on a hellmouth so magic things don't just happen like they used to.

I don't really pay attention while B talks to Red and Brat. I just sit on the couch and stare off into space. Red says that there is a possibility it's a demon, that there are breeds of demon that will infect a person with they're seed to create human/demon hybrids. A demon that looks like a person and can walk around in the day and everything, what could be more terrifying? Well, a lot of things, but that one's pretty bad. I'm actually kinda hoping it's a demon seed. If it is that means B didn't cheat on me, and we can just get rid of it and then go back to normal. We were so happy before this. Not for the last week or so 'cause B was freaking about those test results, but before that, we were happy.

I watch as Red puts her hands over B's stomach and her eyes turn white. I don't know what she's doin but it's affecting B big time. Her whole body is wicked tense, and her eyes are closed and she looks like she's in pain. I want to push Red away and protect B but I'm not going to 'cause this is gonna tell us what we wanna know. So it's either we're doing a magically abortion or I'm packing my shit and going back to Boston 'cause there's no way in hell I'm sticking around if B fucked around behind my back. Nope, she can just call up Riley and they can deal with it. Adios, sayonara, have a great fuckin life.

"It's not a demon, that's for sure," Red says and I feel like B just stabbed me in the gut...again, but in the chest at the same time. How could she do this? How could she cheat on me, and then deny it like that? How could she fuckin lie to me? "Wait...there's something...different. I can't exactly what...but I know this baby is both yours and Faith's." What? How is that possible? "Magic, there's magic lining Buffy's uterus. The signature is sloppy, a novice witch most likely cast a spell and it went ka-blooey." Then Red lets go of Buffy and they both go back to normal. "This is great Buffy, you weren't impregnated by a demon, and you didn't cheat, and you're going to be a mom!" She pulls B into a big hug and I can't breath.

Numb, I'm numb all over. I can't feel anything, because this isn't real. Come on Faith, you're good, you're just not that good. You couldn't have gotten her pregnant even with some stupid spell. This is all just some stupid dream from watching some stupid chick flick with Buffy. She isn't pregnant and I'm going to wake up any second and laugh about this over a glass of JD at the club tonight when me and B shake and shimmy after a night of slaying. But I don't wake up, and I don't stop feeling numb, and Buffy is still pregnant. I watch B talk to Willow, I can see her lips moving but I can't hear her. I think I'm going into shock or something.

"I'm going to spend the night at Stacey's, give you two some time to talk," Brat says. When did she sit down next to me? And I can tell from the sound of her voice that she knows this isn't a happy situation. Willow was all hugs and bubbliness 'cause B's knocked up, but I'm not. I mean, B's knocked up, with my baby. What the fuck am I going to do? I don't have a job, or a work ethic, or a high school diploma. Babies are expensive, they need a lot of things, they need a grown up to raise them up right. I'm not a grown up, have I ever acted like a grown up? And grown ups don't even call themselves grown ups, they call themselves 'adults' and they pronounce is really weird.

I watch Dawn walk into her bedroom and close the door. We've been sharing this apartment for a year now. I didn't have as much stuff as they do, and mine was smaller so it just made sense that I move in with the Summers sisters instead of B movin into my tiny apartment. It's nice 'cause Brat's usually gone. She says she's over at a friends house but it's so obvious they're so much more then friends. Well, unless Dawn has sex with all of her friends and I doubt that. But if we bring in a baby everything is going to change. We don't have enough room for a baby here. We'd have to get a bigger apartment, and what about Dawn? We can't just leave her behind. Sure she's eighteen but she's still in school and she needs B to keep her in line and all that other shit.

I look over at the front door when I hear it close, I guess Dawn just left. B's standing by it, staring off into space. I wonder what she's thinking, how she feels about all this. I already have an idea of what we should do and it's pretty obvious by the way I've been thinkin. It's the only option that makes sense. We're too immature for a baby. We don't know the first thing about raising a baby. Now if B was having a teenager we'd be all set 'cause she's had practice in that area, but I know that's not gonna happen.

I hear B's footsteps as she walks closer to me. She stops though, and leans up against the wall. I guess she needs her space, I get that. If I found out I was knocked up 'cause of a spell I'd want my space too. Then again if I found out I was pregnant because of a spell I wouldn't be silent like she is now. I wouldn't just be leaning up against a wall looking lost and scared. I'd do something about it, something I know B would never do. That's why I'm not even going to suggest it, because I know she'd leave me and raise the kid with the help of her friends then...what's it called? Oh yeah, 'terminate the pregnancy'. I won't suggest it, but I won't exactly fight against it either if she brings it up.

"Faith," I hear her say but I don't look at her. I just keep staring at the bottom of the T.V., that's where I've been looking at since she leaned up against the wall, and that was...I have no idea how long ago. Time doesn't have any meaning anymore. "Faith, look at me." She sounds so...small. I haven't heard her sound like that since the battle with the First. I do look at her and she looks so lost. And as much as she needs me right now I can't help her because I'm too caught up in my own shit to help anyone. "Faith, what are we going to do?" Why did she have to ask me that? Why is she leaving it up to me?

"I don't know," I tell her and stand up and start pacing. I can't stand this, the fear, the not knowing, the what ifs. It's driving me insane. What are we going to do? It's not a demon so we can't kill it. Adoption maybe? I'm sure there are plenty of loving people that would want a little baby to call their own. "I don't know." I say a little louder. I'm not really talking to her though, I just need to say something. "I don't know. I don't know!" I didn't mean to yell and I certainly didn't mean to look at her when I did it. Now she has tears in her eyes.

"Ok, you don't know, I get it, just don't yell at me." I want to say I'm sorry but what's the point? She won't believe me anyway. I just keep pacing. I feel like the walls are closing in on me, and her gaze is boring holes into my body. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from her and this place, I just can't be here right now. I walk over to the table and grab my jacket off the back of a chair and shrug it on. "Where are you going?" She sounds so scared, but I can't stay here, I feel like I'm going to suffocate.

"Out. I'm going out for a while, don't wait up," and I walk out the door. You'd think she would have said something, would have tried to stop me, would have at least done something, but she didn't. She just stood there and now I'm walking down their stairs of the apartment building and out the door and down the sidewalk. I don't know what I'm going to do. Drinking seems pointless. I don't think there's enough alcohol in the world to get rid of these feelings even for just a second. So I walk, and I walk, and I walk, and I walk some more. I end up at the park and I sit down on the merry-go-round.

Why is this happening? Why when things are finally going right something has to come along and fuck it all up? I love Buffy, I love her, I can admit it, I can say it to her face and not run away. I never thought I'd ever be able to do that with anyone. I'm in a real relationship, and we were happy. Three weeks ago we were here, at this same park, playing a little game of tag while the rest of the scoobs relaxed in the shade. We were laughing and having fun, and we ended up making out on the grass until Red said things were getting a little too R rated for there being kids around. So we stopped.

But I don't think that's it, where this fear is coming from. I mean, a baby, that's a big responsibility, and for one thing I'm not good with responsibility, but I don't know how to be a mom. My mom was a drunk, my dad wasn't around, so I have no example to go by. I have no fucking clue what to do. What do I do when my kid's sick and crying and won't shut up and it's three in the morning? How do I get 'em to calm down and go to sleep? What do I do when they see a vampire for the first time? How do I keep them from freaking out? There's just too much to think about, too many things to consider.

But I don't think it's that, either. No, I know it isn't that. A loving family is something I've always wanted. I never imagined it happening with another woman, but that doesn't matter. If B has this baby and we keep it, then I'll have what I've always wanted. And if I screw it up then that's it, it's gone forever, and I'll never be happy again. What if I screw up? What if I can't be what this baby needs? I don't know what to do with a baby. I don't know how to take care of one, I don't know how to be supportive to someone taking care of a baby, I don't know anything when it comes to this, I'm still learning how to be a good girlfriend.

And look at this Faith, you're fucking that up too. Buffy's at home, probably scared shitless and you're here, and you've been gone for...I look down at my watch...three fucking hours! She's gotta be worried and scared and freaking out. She probably thinks I'm getting drunk and I don't blame her because I really wanted to, I still want to. But I'm not going to. She probably thinks I'm going to leave her, but I'd never do that. She'd have to be the one to end it, or screw up so bad that I force myself to end it because I'd never just leave. But you're not there now Faith, you did leave. And now she's all alone. Ok, I need to stop talking to myself in third person, it's getting freaky.

I get up and start the long walk back home. It'll take me at least an hour 'cause I can't make my legs walk any faster. But I think that's a good thing because it's giving me time to work what I'm going to say. I have to apologize for walking out or at least explain why I walked out. I have to make her believe that it was because of my fucked up mind and not because of anything she did. I can't have her thinking that because it isn't true. Ok, so her asking me what we're going to do may have triggered it, but something else would have come up and I would've run just the same. Maybe I don't deserve any of this. I mean, I ran away from it, I thought about aborting it, I'm still referring to it as it...maybe I'm not supposed to be a mother. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I pack up tonight and get as far away from B and the baby as possible before I screw everything up?

No, I have to stop thinking like that. This is my baby, mine, mine and Buffy's. It'll take some getting used to but they're my family and I'm not going to walk out on my family. I panicked and took off for a couple of hours, so what? Anyone in my shoes would have done the same if not more. Not getting drunk is a big step 'cause to be honest, I think I'm turning into an alcoholic. But not anymore. There are going to be some serious changes around here. I'm going to be a mother...a father? I'll figure out the terms later, but I'm going to be raising a little baby, my little baby, and I can't do shit like that anymore.

I just hope B feels the same way I do. I mean, she's talked about having kids before. We did the whole 'when I was little I always dreamed I...' and she said she wants four kids. So I don't think she's going to be getting an abortion anytime soon. But you never know. Maybe she doesn't want to have my baby? Maybe she thinks I'm not ready for this, that she's not ready for this. I'm twenty-two years old for Christ's sake. I'm too damn young to be raising a kid. But I can make it work. I can grow up, I know I can.

But does B know that? Does she know that I can grow up and take care of her and our baby, or does she think I'm not mature enough? Is she going to take off and raise our baby by herself because she think I can't handle it or won't want to be a mother, or will she see that I really want this and we can be a happy family? I don't know, I don't know because I'm not at the apartment right now. But I'm almost there, I can see the building from here. Just a couple more blocks and I'll be holding her in my arms and telling her how much I love her. I know I've gone soft, but that's what being with someone does to you.

I open the door and walk up the stairs. I don't think I've ever been this nervous about coming home. Will she be glad to see me? Will she be packing up my stuff and then tell them to get the fuck out? Or will she be packing up her stuff and moving in with Willow and Kennedy until she finds her own place? Well, I don't see any light coming from behind the door so I don't know what to think. The car is still out front so she didn't leave. I pull out my keys and unlock the door. I walk into my apartment and all the lights are turned out. That's not a good sign. If I'm not home when she goes to bed she'll leave the lamp on in the living room unless she's pissed at me. Maybe she just forgot to turn it on. Nope, those are definitely sobs coming from the direction of our bedroom.

I take off my jacket and toss my keys on the table. I'm being as quiet as I can but I think she can hear me with her slaying hearing. I walk towards the bedroom and there's a tightness in my chest now and the closer I get to that closed door the tighter it gets. Now I'm standing right in front of the door. I can hear her crying on the other side but I can't force myself to move. Ok Faith, you can do this. Just open the door, walk in very calmly, say you're sorry for running out. Tell her 'Buffy, baby, I'm so sorry for taking off like that, but there was so much shit sloshing around in my head I had to leave. But I'm better now. I've thought about it, and I know that I want to take care of you and our baby for the rest of forever.' Yeah, that's good, tell her that. Alright retard if you want to tell her that you need to go in there.

I grip the doorknob and slowly turn it. She hears the door creak open and her breath hitches in her throat. She's trying to force herself to calm down, but she can't. I walk into the room as quiet as a mouse and close the door. She's in bed already. All the lights are off and I can tell she has her pajamas on. Either that or she's nude because her clothes are lying in a pile at the foot of the bed. I take three steps and stop because her sobs are getting louder. I swallow hard and walk over to the side of the bed. I squat down next to her and put my hands on the very edge of the bed and look into her eyes. I take in a little breath and I hesitate. We just stare at each other for a few minutes until I can't take the silence anymore.

"I thought about it, and I know what we're gonna do." I reach out and gently wipe her tears away. "You're gonna go through the morning sickness and I'm gonna try and help you out. You're going to get really bitchy and have mood swings, but that isn't too different from how you usually are." We both laugh a little bit and I wipe away the rest of her tears. "We're going to talk to Giles about borrowing some money, and we're going to buy everything a new little baby could possibly need. Your stomach is gonna get bigger and you might feel self-conscious about it, but to me you'll always be beautiful." She has tears in her eyes now but these are the good kind. I hate seeing her cry either way, but at least these are because she's happy.

"You're gonna go through probably the worst pain you'll ever feel, and our little baby is gonna come out and join the world. And we're going to bring him or her home and be a little happy family." She smiles again and holds onto my hand that's still cupping her face. The other one has a mind of its own and moved down to her stomach and I'm gently caressing it. She looks like Buffy again, she has that sparkle back in her eyes. But this is still really hard to believe even though I'm not thinking about it in a bad way. We're going to be parents. We're going to be raising a kid. There's so much doubt about it, but people have been raising kids since the dawn of time. If they could do it I can do it. All I have to do is the very opposite of what my mom did with me, and everything will turn out ok.

"It's going to be a girl," she says and lightly caresses my hand with her thumb. She has a small smile on her face. How does she know the baby's gonna be a girl? "Magic may have helped us make this," she puts her hand over mine, the one that's on her stomach. "But neither of us have the proper equipment for making a baby boy. Only a guy has a Y chromosome, we're both Xs. So there's no way it could be a boy." I don't really know about all that since I didn't exactly pay attention to anything in school, but I'll just have to believe her for now until I learn about all that stuff. She scoots over in the bed and pulls the covers back. I take off my jeans and crawl under the covers. "We're going to be mommies." I smile a big smile.

"Yeah, we are." I wrap my arms around her and give her kiss on the neck. "And I don't want you to worry about anything ok? I'll talk to Giles about everything and we'll work something out and if I have to get a job I will. But all you have to do is relax, and grow a baby, ok?" She smiles at me and I know she's going to protest because Buffy Summers is not the stay-at-home-mom type of person. She'd go insane. She needs to do more then just stay home and take care of a kid.

"Let's talk about the details tomorrow, alright? Lets just savor this right now," I tell her and she smiles a small smile. She snuggles against me and gives me a little kiss on the lips. "I love you." She kisses me again, a little deeper this time but she pulls back. She's too tired to have sex right now so I'm not going to push for it. She says it back and rests her head on my shoulder and slips off to sleep. But I can't. All that doubt I was having earlier that I suppressed is coming back. I guess I'll have to learn how to force it back otherwise I'll be up for days.

BPOV

"Willow?" I ask in a voice that doesn't sound like my own. Maybe it is and I'm just too out of it to recognize my own voice. She still thinks I cheated, I know she does. But I would never do that to her. Faith is the best thing to ever happen to me and I would never jeopardize our relationship for sex with someone else. When is she going to realize that she's all I want in this life? But I can see where she's going from. I mean, it's not everyday a girl gets pregnant because of a demon or something. She has every right to be pissed and suspicious and that's what's killing me. So now I'm turning to Willow because she's the only one who can prove that I didn't cheat. "I need you to do something for me, a spell. Something strange is going on, either this baby was made by a demon or some kind of spell or something and I need you to figure out what." Her and my sister exchange a glace. Nobody believes me.

"Yeah, Buffy, I can do that. Do you want to do it in the bedroom?" I tell her no, that the living room is fine. Faith won't go in the bedroom when she's this upset because it's a small room and she gets a little claustrophobic when she's upset. "Ok, we can do it out there. You don't have to do a thing but stand as still as you can, and try not to speak ok?" I nod my head yes and we walk into the living room. She and Dawn were standing in the hallway, spying on us like any other friend or family member would have. I can't force myself to care right now, maybe I'll get mad about it later.

"Alright, now don't move, ok?" I nod my head and she puts her hands on my stomach. I feel a burst of magic go through me and I have to shut my eyes. I can't really explain what it's like. It's like a light buzz going throughout my entire body and a tight pressure on my stomach. It hurts, but at the same time it feels really good. I hate it a lot. I don't' want to be feeling really good right now, but I can't fight it or else the spell won't work. I can hear something now. It's really quiet but now it's getting louder. It's like a humming sound, and I don't know how I know, but that's my baby's heartbeat. I just know it. And I can't help but feel incredibly happy. I know this baby is good, it isn't a demon, and I know I didn't cheat so I don't know how it got there but I'm happy that it is.

"It's not a demon, that's for sure," Willow says, but I can barely hear her over the sound. Her voice sounds distant and a little muffled. But I understand what she's saying, and I was right, my baby isn't a demon. But then how did the baby get there? I know I didn't cheat on Faith. I would never ever do something like that. The only way I'd ever sleep with someone other then Faith is if we broke up and that hasn't happened, and it isn't going to happen.

"Wait...there's something...different. I can't exactly what...but I know this baby is both yours and Faith's." What? But how is that possible? Two women can't make a baby. But this is great, now Faith knows that I didn't cheat. "Magic, there's magic lining Buffy's uterus. The signature is sloppy, a novice witch most likely cast a spell and it went ka-blooey." I feel Willow let me go and the feelings go away and so does the sound. I open my eyes and the first thing I see is a smiling Willow. She's so happy about this but I'm not now. Since her magic isn't it in my system anymore I'm not getting that happy feeling and the reality of the situation is falling on me like a ton of bricks.

"This is great Buffy, you weren't impregnated by a demon, and you didn't cheat, and you're going to be a mom!" She pulls me into a big hug but I don't hug her back. I'm feeling overwhelmed and scared and I really don't want to be touched right now. I pull out of her embrace and look over at Faith. She's just staring off into space and it's a heartbreaking thing to see. She's white, completely pale, and her breathing is a little labored. She's in shock or something and it's starting to freak me out. I feel Willow's hand on my shoulder and I look over at her and she has a gentle smile on her face. "Buffy, this is a good thing. You two just need time to adjust to the idea, that's all. But promise me you won't make any rash decisions without talking it through first." Rash decisions, she means abortion. And I'm not going to lie the thought did cross my mind.

"Don't worry, I won't." I'm only half aware of what I'm saying because my brain feels like it's wrapped in a wet towel. I can't really pay attention to anything, I can't focus on anything and I can't concentrate enough to fully form a sentence. But I do walk her to the door. She keeps talking to me, telling me how good this is and I know it's because she wants to have a baby but Kennedy isn't so hot to the idea. She's happy for me not because of this wonderful thing but because she really wants this to happen to her. I know I'm making her sound like an incredibly selfish person but I don't care. I don't really want this, I can't be a mom. You've seen how much I've screwed up with Dawn in the passed, now imagine me making those mistakes only with a little kid. They'll never recover and they'll be screwed up forever. And she hugs me one more time and leaves and I close the door behind her.

"I'm going to spend the night at Stacey's, give you two some time to talk," Dawn says. I turn around and see the look on her face. She's the very opposite of Willow. She knows that this isn't something to be happy about, at least not yet. I have no idea what I'm going to do. It's obvious by the look on Faith's face that she doesn't want this. She's probably thinking about abortion too. But I would never do that. Not to something that's both of ours. If this were an evil demon it would be out of me in a second, but I can't knowing that it's an innocent human baby. But adoption maybe? No, I don't think I could have this baby growing inside of me and then give it away. I walk into Dawn's room because she seems pretty upset and I think I should try to talk to her.

"Dawn look, I know this is out of nowhere and it's really scary but we're going to figure something out." She keeps packing her bag but she does glace over at me. She doesn't look as upset as before but I'm still worried. "Please, sweetheart, talk to me." The pet name, she can never say no to the pet name. She sighs and sits down on her bed. I sit down next to her and hold onto her hand. We've gotten really close since the fall of Sunnydale. Things haven't been perfect since then, we do fight sometimes and when she was seventeen she was dating this total creep who treated her all wrong and I had to step in and do something about it. But it backfired big time and Dawn didn't speak to me for almost a month. She was so mad, but then the guy crossed a line and she knew she had to get out of the relationship. And I broke both of his arms the next week. Nobody hits my sister and gets away with it.

"I know you're going to figure it out, and whatever decision you make I'll support you. I'm fine, really Buffy. Things were just getting a little too tense out there and I want to give you two your space. And don't worry I will go to school tomorrow and I'll come back here after and if you two still need some time then I'll hang out with Stacey for the day. You have enough to think about right so please don't worry about me." I do worry though. I worry about her all the time. She's growing up into a strong, self-reliant woman and that's good, but I still worry. But Stacey lives across the street and it isn't fully dark yet so I don't have too much to worry about.

"I wonder who cast that spell?" Me too. I really want to know that too. "I mean, maybe it wasn't an accident. Maybe she was trying to get someone pregnant or something so she can keep the baby for herself. Like a magical surrogate or something. What are you going to do if someone wants the baby when it's born?" Ok Dawn too many questions too soon that I can't answer. She knows better then to ask me questions like that when I'm stressing out like this. She knows my mind can't process things this big very fast. It's going to take time before I figure out what to do. I could really use some help, but ultimately it's my decision.

I wonder what Faith's thinking. What does she want to keep the baby? Does she want me to get an abortion or something? I don't think I can abort this baby. No, I know I can't abort this baby. If Faith doesn't want to be a part of this I'll understand. Motherhood is a big responsibility and Faith and responsibility don't mix too well. You should have seen her at the pet store last month when she talked me out of getting a puppy. She kept talking about how I'll have to remember to feed it, and take it outside to use the bathroom, and give it baths and stuff like that. Well a baby is a way bigger responsibility then a puppy, they're more expensive, and they wake up like what, every two or three hours to eat? I don't think Faith is willing to do all that. But I'm not giving up this baby. And this feeling is the worst feeling I've ever had. I might have to choose between my girlfriend and our baby, and if it comes down to it and I'm forced to make a choice I honestly don't know which one I'm going to pick. I watch Dawn pack her bag and she still looks really upset.

"Dawn, you do know that whatever we decide you are not going to get pushed aside, right?" She just stands there, looking in her bag as she rearranges some things. Oh my God, how could she think that she'd get pushed aside? I stand up and put my hand on her shoulder. She tenses up a little bit but she doesn't say anything. "Sweetheart, you will always have a home here. If you want to move into another apartment." Giles bought and entire floor of this building for us to live on. "Because of the noise or if a newborn is too stressful for you to live with you can. We can get it fully furnished and you can decorate it anyway you want, and you're welcome here whenever you want, but please, don't ever think you'll have to leave." Now she's tearing up.

"But I'm going to have to, Buffy. Maybe not anytime soon, but sooner or later I'm going have to move out. When I go off to college or when you two decide you want to get your own place. But that's not why I'm upset. I know eventually I'm going to have to get my own place." Then why is she so upset? And she doesn't have to get her own place. If it were up to me she'd never leave the house. "It's just…you and Faith are so good together, she makes you so happy and she's changed so much because of you. And it's sad to think that you two could break up because of this." Yeah, I was sort of thinking the same thing. "I better get going before Stacey's mom leaves for work."

I walk her to the door and I give her a big hug a little kiss on the cheek. I do that now. It's weird how much of a mother I've become to her. Maybe I can raise a baby after all. But I'm still not too sure about that. The last thing I want to do is screw up a baby. I mean, if I give it up for adoption maybe it'll have a chance to be happy and normal. I don't lead a normal life and I don't want my baby to be hurt by it. Lets say I do decide to keep this baby, and the news gets out in the magical community, once the demons and vampires find out about it we could be getting attacked on a daily basis. The baby of the two original slayers, demons and vampires are going to be talking about that. What if they decide it would be a good thing to have, or to kill just to hurt us? I don't want my baby to be hurt or killed because of me.

I close the door and Faith looks over at me but it's only for a couple of seconds. She looks away, and keeps staring at the ground by the T.V. She's completely freaked out by all of this. Maybe this is too much for her to handle. Maybe I should just pack up and stay with Willow tonight until I can get moved into another one of the apartments tomorrow? No, I don't think that would work. Seeing her everyday would probably drive me insane. I'd have to move to a different apartment building. Ok, I need to stop with a horrible thinking. We both just need some time to adjust, some time to think about this. Maybe she is already coming up with a plan. Maybe she already knows what we should do. I mean, this baby is hers too, maybe she wants to raise it and I've done all this negative thinking for nothing. I walk into the living room and lean up against the wall and just look at her.

"Faith," I say in a low voice but loud enough for her to hear. I know she heard me because her breath hitched in her chest for a couple of seconds. She's ignoring me. She does that a lot when she's panicking because she doesn't want me to see how scared she really is. But I'm feeling vulnerable and scared and I could really use her right now. I need her. I'll always need her, that's never going to change. "Faith, look at me." It takes her a couple of seconds but she finally meets my eyes. She's panicking, that much is obvious and she's scared. I can tell just by looking in her eyes. She's always had really expressive eyes. "Faith, what are we going to do?" I don't want to leave it up to her, but could really use some guidance right about now.

"I don't know," she says and she sounds really freaked out. She jumps off the couch and starts pacing. I'm surprised she wasn't doing that already. She paces when she feels boxed in, and this is definitely the type of situation where she'll feel boxed in. "I don't know." She says it louder and she sounds angry. Why is she angry? I didn't cheat on her, so why is she angry? Why is she so mad? "I don't know. I don't know!" She looks right at me when she says it. Why is she so mad at me? What did I do? I can't fight the tears that well up in my eyes but I don't let them fall. If she pissed at me for some reason that's her problem. I'm not going to let her see me cry. But it's still freaking me out. Maybe we aren't going to survive this like I thought we could. Maybe we really are going to break up.

"Ok, you don't know, I get it, just don't yell at me." I didn't want to sound that pitiful when I said that but I do sound weak and lost and I hate it. I hate that this is happening to us, that we can't even be here for each other. I know this isn't normal and we never thought something like this could happen because normally you need a man and woman to make a baby but with the way we live our lives, with all of the magic that happens we should have been more aware. Maybe we should have cast some type of protection spell or something. I'm watching Faith as she paces in front of the couch and her muscles are so tense and I know she's reaching a breaking point. I just hope we don't get into a fight over this. But then she walks over to the kitchen table and grabs her jacket and heads for the door. "Where are you going?" Why wasn't she going to say anything?

"Out. I'm going out for a while, don't wait up," she tells me. She doesn't sound mad, she sounds stressed and frustrated. And she leaves before I can say anything and she doesn't say anything else. She just walks out the door and shuts it and walks down the hall, I can hear her boots on the floor. Now I can't hear her at all. She's left. She left me. Is she going to leave me for good? Is this too much for her to take? I don't know, and I probably won't. Faith doesn't like to open up and tell me what she thinks or how she feels. She's getting better about it but I think this is going to be a big set back in getting her to completely drop her guard around me.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to function right now. On T.V. in situations like these the people are always so happy when the girlfriend or wife gets pregnant, but this is reality and I don't know what to do. They never show the couples who didn't plan on having a baby and have no idea what they're going to do. They never show the couples who don't really want the baby but don't want to give it up either. I look over at the clock, and it's eight at night right now. How long was I in Dawn's room? Where did all of that time go? I haven't had any dinner yet but I'm not hungry. But I should make something in case Faith gets hungry later or if I decide to eat. I don't feel like slaying either so I won't worry about that. Kennedy can do the slaying tonight.

I open the fridge and take a look inside. We don't have much because we were supposed to go grocery shopping yesterday and I haven't done anything but stay up and sit by the phone for the last couple of days. I've been so stressed out and so bitchy to everyone around me. I was so worried I was going to have some type of cancer or something and I didn't care about anything but those test results. So this situation could be worst, I could have cancer or something. I pull out the lunch meat, it's turkey I think, and make a couple of sandwiches with everything that Faith likes: mustard, mayo, lettuce, tomatoes, and two slices of a pickle. I wrap them up in saran wrap so they'll stay fresh and I put them back in the fridge. At least she won't go hungry. Then again Faith is hungry almost all the time so I don't think two sandwiches are going to fill her up for very long.

I go into our bedroom and change into my pajamas. They're light blue with little sheep all over them. Faith thinks its kind of insane how I still wear things like these but I like them. I've always worn weird pajamas and I'm not going to stop just because she thinks they're strange or that it's childish. She still plays that stupid play station, that's childish. And she still reads comics. But no, those aren't considered childish because she likes to read them. I bet if she wore pajamas like mine she wouldn't think they were childish. Ok, wait, why am I getting so mad at her? I think I'm going insane. Maybe that's what's really going on. I'm not really pregnant, and Faith didn't snap at me and then leave, I'm just insane. This whole situation is just a figment of my overactive and insane imagination. Now why don't I believe myself?

I crawl under the covers of my cold bed and my eyes water up. This is the first time I've gone to bed alone in a year and a half. Sure, Faith has only been living with me, and Dawn for a year, but before that I would stay over at her place or she would spend the night here. We didn't always have sex sometimes we just slept. I couldn't sleep without her, still can't actually. I'm not used it and I always sleep better when she's holding me. But now I'm all alone, and it's one of the most horrible feelings I've ever had. I feel cut off from everyone else, like the entire world has abandoned me. I feel one tear slip out and slide its way down my face and it lands on my pillow. Now that one got away the rest want to get out and they can't go fast enough. I can't control my sobs and I can't breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating and I can't make it stop.

But I think I would rather have Faith gone then have her here and mad at me. And I don't know why she's mad at me. I didn't do anything wrong. We both made this baby, she's just as much to blame as I am, and that witch is to blame even more. I wonder if they did this on purpose. I mean, if they're a witch then they must know about slayers and all of that, so they have to know who we are. Maybe they did this just to screw with us. Or maybe Willow's right and it was a spell gone wrong. It was probably that. I don't know why someone would intentionally do this. We didn't ask for it, and I think Faith made it obvious that we're not ready for it as a couple. Wait, that isn't fair. I can't blame it all on Faith. I reacted pretty bad too. So I didn't yell at her and then leave, but I'm still in shock I guess. My problem is I don't know how to react. I don't know what I should be feeling right now.

I can feel her through our slayer connection. She's back, she's finally back. I have to make myself stop crying. I can't let her see that I was crying. She isn't the only one who can build a figurative wall. I don't like crying in front of other people, I don't like feeling weak around them, but I guess I'm not going to get a choice in the matter because she's at the bedroom door and I can't make myself stop. But she's just standing there, why is she just standing out there? Is she changing her mind? Does she not want to be with some hormonal pregnant woman? There's a good chance that when I start getting fat she will leave me, or she'll stop touching me. What if she finds me so repulsive she can't even look at me anymore? What am I going to do then? I hear the door open and I tense up. I really don't want her here right now, not while I'm like this. But I don't say anything. As she gets closer my sobs get louder. I don't want her to break up with me, I love her too much to just let her walk away.

I open my eyes when I feel her presence right next to me. She kneels down next to the bed and puts her hands on the edge of it to help herself stay balanced I guess. She doesn't look angry anymore. She looks a little sad, and regretful. At least she feels bad for just walking out like she did, if that's what she's feeling bad about. Maybe she feels bad because she's going to break up with me, and here I am sobbing and looking pathetic. What do I mean by look? I am pathetic. There's nothing about me now that isn't pathetic. But she's just looking into my eyes, and she isn't saying anything. I wish she'd just give it over with. If she's going to break my heart I want her to do it fast because the sooner she does the sooner I can curl up in a ball and try to forget all of this is happening. I finally force myself to stop sobbing and she takes in a little breath like she's going to speak but she stays quiet.

"I thought about it, and I know what we're gonna do," she says after a couple of minutes. She doesn't sound angry anymore. She sounds calm, and…understanding? I'm not sure. She reaches out and gently wipes some of my tears away. Her touch is comforting and I want more of it but I don't move. I really want to hear what she has to say. "You're gonna go through the morning sickness and I'm gonna try and help you out. You're going to get really bitchy and have mood swings, but that isn't too different from how you usually are." We both laugh because she's trying to cheer me up. She's smiling and everything. She wipes away the rest of my tears and smiles again.

"We're going to talk to Giles about borrowing some money, and we're going to buy everything a new little baby could possibly need. Your stomach is gonna get bigger and you might feel self-conscious about it, but to me you'll always be beautiful." I'm getting tears in my eyes again but because I'm so happy now. She does want to be a mom, she does want to keep the baby, and she isn't going to leave me. "You're gonna go through probably the worst pain you'll ever feel." That's true, and every scary. "And our little baby is gonna come out and join the world. And we're going to bring him or her home and be a little happy family." I smile again and hold onto her hand the one that's still caressing my face. Her other one is gently rubbing my stomach and I don't even think she realizes she's doing it.

"It's going to be a girl," I tell her and smile a little. A little baby girl that we can dress up and play dress up with and have tea parties. I'm really starting to warm up to the idea of being a mom. But she looks a little confused from what I said. "Magic may have helped us make this." I put my hand over hers, the one that's on my stomach. "But neither of us have the proper equipment for making a baby boy. Only a guy has a Y chromosome, we're both Xs. So there's no way it could be a boy." She still looks a little confused but that's ok. As long as the baby is healthy I don't care what it is. But I really want a little girl. I've always wanted a little girl. I smile at her again and scoot over on the bed and hold the covers up. She knows exactly what I want her to do. She stands up and takes off her jeans and crawls under the covers. "We're going to be mommies." Now that I know she's happy about this and wants to be a family I'm getting really excited.

"Yeah, we are," she says and wraps her arms around me. I love it when she holds me. She makes me feel so safe. "And I don't want you to worry about anything ok? I'll talk to Giles about everything and we'll work something out and if I have to get a job I will. But all you have to do is relax, and grow a baby, ok?" I give her a smile that says I'm about to open my mouth and argue with her. There is no way in hell I'm leaving it up to her to be the one who makes all the money and supports us. Nope, I'm going to get a job too if we have to. But I have a feeling Giles is going to be more then willing to give us what we need. I mean, this is his first grandchild. Oh yeah, this baby is going to be spoiled rotten, and she's going to love it too because she's a Summers, and Summers women love to be pampered.

"Let's talk about the details tomorrow, alright? Lets just savor this right now." I go along with it right now but we are going to have a very serious conversation about this. She isn't going to Giles by herself. I want to be there when she tells him the news, now that this is wonderful news. I can't wait to tell Dawn. Oh, wait, she already knows. Well, I can't wait to tell her again now that we know what we're going to do. I snuggle up to her and give her a little kiss on the lips. I'm way too tired from staying up for the last couple of days to make love right now but tomorrow night, possibly even tomorrow there is going to be some very hot loving.

"I love you." I kiss her again and when we pull back I say it back to her. She doesn't say those words that often so when she does I savor the sound of it. I can't believe we're going to be parents. Tonight I'm going to be thrilled about it but I know there are going to be moments of panic and doubt, but we'll handle it when they happen. As long as I have Faith by my side there's nothing I can't do.

FPOV

Wanna know what my life has been like for the last six months? Well, first B had the morning sickness, which was fuckin gross 'cause she didn't just get sick in the morning it was all the fuckin time. We couldn't go anywhere 'cause she was afraid she'd need to throw up in public or something, and even though she was being a little too over the top I supported her 'cause that's what a good girlfriend does. And then the morning sickness went away and things were fine. She wasn't having any mood swings, and since she wasn't nauseous all the time we were having sex again. She didn't feel as tired and things were great. We even went on a camping trip just to get away for a couple of days.

But then she started getting headaches, really fuckin bad headaches. So bad that she couldn't get to sleep and she couldn't take anything because it would hurt the baby. I tried helping as much as I could but there was nothing I could really do. But then the headaches went away, and she got really bad heartburn. She stopped eating as much and the doctor told her not to lay down for at least two hours after eating. So she did what the doc said and the heartburn was no more. And things were good for a while. But like every other time that had to come to an end.

She has mood swings, and lots of them. Out of nowhere she'll get upset and start bawling. And not just for a few minutes, the longest I clocked her at was two hours. I had to keep giving her water 'cause if she got too dehydrated she could've gone into premature labor. At least that's what the doc said at our last appointment. And the crying is just the swing. The constant mood is bitchiness. She's mean all the time, and to everyone around her. And I honestly think she's overdoing it on purpose just to see what she can get away with, but I'm not going to question her 'cause I really don't want to start a fight or nothin.

The weird thing about her though is she's not getting upset over the fact that she's gaining a lot of weight. To me she'll always be beautiful, I didn't say that just to make her feel better, but she has put on a few pounds. I thought she was gonna freak out about that 'cause Buffy's always been really skinny. Her stomach is way bigger, and her ankles and feet are swollen and that's kinda gross, but other then that she hasn't gained any weight anywhere else, which is good 'cause I think if her face plumped up a little she would've had a freak out by now. But she hasn't so I got nothing to worry about. As long as I don't go shooting my mouth off and call her fat or something like that everything will be fine in that department.

Her bitchiness isn't as bad when we're in bed together. She hasn't been in the mood lately, which is fine with me, so our bedroom activities consist of just lyin together and talking and all that other girly shit. But it's nice, just spending some quiet time together. She's the only one I've ever really done this with. Sure I dated a couple guys back in Boston, but whenever we were alone we were screwing, and some of the time we didn't even need to be alone. But with Buffy, I like just lying here and holding her, or bein eye level with her stomach so I can talk to the baby. B's all excited 'cause we're having a girl, and a baby girl is great, but deep down I really want a baby boy. I don't really know why, but I've always wanted a son that I could raise up right and he can be one of the very few good guys out there.

I think it's kinda cool that we're having a girl though. I mean, a girl born of two slayers can only mean one thing: she's gonna be a slayer. We can start the training when she's young, and make it a game so she'll want to do it. And with Buffy and me training her she'll grow up to be the best damn slayer ever. B's a little unsure about that stuff, but I know we'll be able to keep her safe. Buffy's so paranoid that when the magical community (demons and stuff) find out about the baby they're gonna be comin after us non-stop to try and get her. But that's not gonna happen. If it does happen we'll just very bloodily kill the first demon that tries and make sure that shit gets spread around to the rest of the demons who were thinkin about trying some shit like that. The demons try to avoid us as much as possible whenever we go to L.A. or Ohio, and there are no demons around here, just lame ass vamps who can't put up a fight.

We're lyin in bed right now, only B isn't in such a good mood. We're still living in the apartment with Brat, which isn't a problem or anything, but ever since Brat turned eighteen she's been giving Buffy a lot of shit. I agree with Dawn most of the time 'cause she is a legal adult and technically Buffy can't boss her around anymore and if she wants to stay out late with her boyfriend she can. But Buffy doesn't see it that way and they've been fighting a lot. They fight, Dawn storms off and hangs out with Willow or Xander for a while, and Buffy comes in here to pout. I've never verbally agreed with Dawn, I try to keep mouth shut 'cause we have a very uncomfortable couch that I hate sleepin on, but I think B knows that I think she's being a little too overprotective.

"Baby?" I say and look over at her. She has her back turned to me and she's kinda tense. Tonight's fight was especially brutal 'cause Dawn is plannin on spending the night at her boy's house for the first time and B flipped out. She walked in Dawn's room and saw her packin a bag and just assumed she was stayin over at one of her friend's house and when Dawn said she was sleepin over at Michael's all hell broke loose. The fight lasted almost two hours, and Dawn finally stormed off, got in her car and left. Buffy came in here and has been lying down ever since. That was three hours ago. At this point I'm trying to be cute and using a baby-ish voice just to get her to smile. I hate seeing her like this.

"Sweetie?" I ask in the baby-ish voice again. She sighs and I know she's trying not to smile. When Buffy wants to be miserable she'll really commit to it. "Toots?" Ha, I got a laugh outta her that time. I scoot over closer to her and very slowly wrap my arm around her waist and rest my chin on her shoulder. "Cuddle-bear." Yay for me, another chuckle. "Buffy, for real now, why are you so upset?" She sniffle really loud and I feel her movin around a little bit, probably wipin away her tears or something. She stopped sobbing a while ago, but she probably had silent tears spillin out. "She's eighteen Buffy. Her and Michael have been dating for a long time, you knew this was gonna happen sooner or later. Why are you getting so upset?" She sighs again and I feel her muscles relax and she leans against me a little more.

"I'm losing her, Faith. I can't control Dawn anymore then I could back in Sunnydale. She's sneaking around and going against all the rules I have set up for her." She's eighteen for God sakes, give her a break. "If I can't get my little sister to listen to me, how am I going to get my daughter to listen?" Her voice is strained now and she's trying not to cry. Aw, so that's what this is all about. Ok, I need to come up with something to tell her and quick before she gets too stressed and goes into premature labor or somethin. I sit up a little and pull her hair back and give her a little kiss on the neck, just to buy myself a couple more seconds to think.

"Buffy, Dawn isn't rebelling against you. She isn't going against the rules or anything like that. She's growing up, becoming the strong independent woman she was meant to be. And you helped make her that. She wouldn't be with Michael if he wasn't a good guy. I know you want to protect her, but it's time for her to be making her own decisions, and striking out on her own. You've taught her how to use good judgement, and now you have to learn to trust that she will use what you taught her. You and her fighting all the time has nothing to do with you being a mom, because I know you're going to be the best mom ever. You're going to teach our daughter how to make the right decisions and how to be independent." I guess it worked because she isn't crying anymore. She rolls over onto her back and looks into my eyes. Hers are bloodshot from the crying but she doesn't look as sad anymore.

"You think so?" she asks and sniffles again. I give her a little smile and gently kiss her swollen lips. She kisses me back for a second but then pulls her head away because she really does want an answer to that question. So I give her the honest answer. I look into her eyes and say 'I know so', and she kinda rolls her eyes a little bit. "You can't know that, Faith. I didn't have to raise Dawn from childhood. Mom took care of all that, all I had to do was make sure she went to school and was home on time. I protected her from the demons and other evils, but most of the work was already done. I don't know the first thing about raising a little kid. Unless stealing her Barbie and putting it somewhere out of reach is the way to build a strong character, which I highly doubt." Wow, Buffy was a mean big sister.

"Nah, I don't think that's the best way. But we'll figure it out, B. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, and if you try to be one you'll drive yourself crazy." She sighs again and I kiss her very gently, almost like I'm teasing her, but I don't pull away when she kisses me back. We start making out, but it's very slow and gently and I know I'm so going to get some by the way she's running her fingertips over the waistband of my pants. So it's no surprise for someone to choose this exact moment to call us. And B jumps a little because of it and pulls her head back really fast. "You bit my tongue." Trust me I don't sound happy about it.

"Aw, I'm sorry baby," she gently caresses my cheek and rolls over onto her side and answers the phone. "Hello...hi Willow." So that's who I'm going to hunt down and hurt for ruining the moment. See, once B gets out of the moment it takes a long time for her to get back in it, and usually I end up with no sex at all. "No, she hasn't come back yet. She made her intentions about tonight very clear." Great, now she's back on the subject of Dawn and her cherry, now B isn't gonna want sex for a week.

"I know, that's what Faith said. And you guys are right." Wow she actually admitted I was right, that's very fuckin rare. "Dawn's growing up, this was bound to happen...No, I'm fine, really. Faith's here with me and she's being a sweetie." Keep that shit to yourself B. "Oh please you know she is. You've seen it first hand." Hmm, I wonder what she's talkin about? Oh well, it's none of my business. Mostly 'cause I do know what they're talking about, and hey, let's not. So I get up and go to the kitchen. We've already had dinner and I'm not really hungry, but I might as well get something to eat, since I'm not going to be doing anything else tonight. So I make myself a turkey sandwich piled high with tomatoes, lettuce, mustard, mayo, and some sliced pickles. I sit down at the table and start eating. I'm not using a plate and this is gettin kinda messy but oh well. I'll just clean it up later.

"Baby, we'd you go?" B calls from the bedroom. I guess she's done talking to Willow. But I can't answer her back 'cause there's too much food in my mouth for even me to talk, and I can talk around a lot of stuff. But I don't say anything back mostly 'cause I don't want to and I'm just using the food as an excuse. I don't care if I'm being childish or whatever 'cause we haven't had sex in almost a month and she totally fuckin teased me. I know she's carrying my baby, but a girl's got needs, ya know? So I'm just going to sit here and eat my sandwich and if she really wants to know where I am she'll come and find me. And I guess she really does 'cause she's walkin out of the bedroom now.

"Faith, why are you sitting in the kitchen all by yourself?" I just give her a little look and point to my mouth so she'll know there's too much in there for me to talk, and I just shrug my shoulders. She sighs and sits down across from me. We just stare at each other for a few seconds and then she leans over the very small table and lifts up the top piece of bread. I glare at her a little and keep chewing and she just gives me this 'don't you dare' kinda look. Little tip for all you future parents out there: never come between a pregnant chick and the food she wants, you might get your hand bit off. I sigh and let her take one of the pickle slices. "Why are you so grumpy all of a sudden? For a while there I thought we were gonna make love." I was thinking the same thing. I swallow the bite of food and make sure not to look at her while I talk. She hates it when I do that.

"So did I, then Red called and got you talkin about Brat, figured you wouldn't be in the mood anymore." I didn't mean to use that much attitude and now she's pissed and it's a safe bet that she isn't in the mood. Ok, this is definitely the kind of situation where I say 'good goin Faith, could you be any dumber?' I think not. I gotta stop jumpin to conclusions and learn to just sit back and wait to see what happens 'cause if I had done that I'd be gettin some pussy right now instead of eating this kinda gross sandwich. And here comes a mood swing. Could this night get any worst?

"You don't have to be such a bitch about it. And just forget it, because now I'm not in the mood anymore. If you want to get laid go fuck yourself." And she gets up and stomps into the bedroom and slams the door. Hmm, maybe this is why I gave up on looking for love? 'Cause it's nothin but a bitch. Nah, I can't say that. I screwed up back there, so it's my fault, but when Buffy isn't being insane from the hormones, she's really sweet, and we make each other happy, and I'm not talkin about the mind blowing sex that we used to have. We can make each other laugh and smile, and we joke around a lot. We're still in that stage where we're so happy and lovey-dovey we make other people a little nauseous. Yeah, we're happy together, just not tonight.

At least she didn't tell me to sleep on the couch. I've been doin that a lot over the last couple of weeks. I say or do somethin stupid either purposely or subconsciously trying to piss her off, and she does get pissed and we fight, she stomps off to the bedroom and throws my pillow out in the hall and I sleep on the couch. A couple times I talked Dawn into letting me sleep in her bed with her since it's big enough for two people. And I did not try to feel her up. I don't care what she says. I was asleep, I don't have any control over my hands and where they wander when I'm sleepin. Since she got a little freaked out I haven't been able to con her into the whole sharing thing, but since she's gonna be gone all night I think it'd be safe to sleep in her room if B does get pissed enough to kick me out of mine. Is it a little weird to sleep in your girl's baby sister's bed? Probably, but that couch is just so damn uncomfortable. I'd rather look like some pervy weirdo then wake up with another backache.

I finish my little snack and shut out all the lights. I can see the glow from the bedroom creepin out under the door so B is still awake. That's a good thing. It means she's waiting for me 'cause when she isn't really pissed off she hates sleepin without me. She needs her cuddles, and what can I say? I'm a good cuddler. I slowly open my bedroom door and B's under the covers, the only light on is the lamp on my bedside table. She's pretending to be asleep but I know she's awake. I change into my version of pajamas, which is nothing but an oversized t-shirt. I crawl under the covers and turn out the light. I roll over on my side so I'm facing her and I wait. When she gets likes this it could take a few minutes but she'll eventually scoot back until she's in my arms.

Wow, it's been almost half an hour and she still hasn't moved. Guess I'll just have to do this myself. It isn't just Buffy who has a hard time sleepin without the cuddles. I'm so used to it now that I look forward to it. In the beginning of the relationship the cuddling thing was a little awkward and it took the unspoken, and sometimes spoke, promise of kisses to get me to do it. But now I'm more then willing when I'm in the mood to. Sometimes I just don't like being touched by anyone, and there's no reason behind it, I just don't wanna be touched. But B's never pushed me to do something I don't want to do. Well, in the physical kind of way. Ever since she got pregnant if she doesn't want to run to do the store she'll bitch at me until I do it. Anyway, I scoot a little closer to her and gently rub her back and I don't feel her tense up so maybe she really is asleep.

"I don't think it's a good idea," she says very casually but I can hear the sarcasm just dripping out of her mouth. "Who knows, I might get momentarily distracted and I won't want to cuddle anymore and you'll have to go off and pout again. Maybe we should just sleep without touching tonight since I'm just one big tease." I don't move my hand or say anything and she isn't trying to shrug me off her so maybe she does want this as bad as I do. I slowly move my hand from her back to her hip and she doesn't move. Now is time for the groveling.

"Babe, I'm sorry about earlier. We haven't made love in a long time." I can't believe that I, Faith Lehane, just used the term 'made love' and I wasn't making fun of somebody. I've changed so much since I got together with B. She had me whipped in a couple of months, I never ever, ever, ever, ever thought I'd be whipped. But I am, and at times it sucks like hell and it's embarrassing but whatever. I just wanna make Buffy happy, is that so wrong? "And you know how butt-hurt I can get when I don't get what I want right when I want it." That's true. When I'm horny and she isn't willing to put out on the spot I can get a little bitchy.

"I know, it's very annoying." She doesn't sound mad, but she isn't exactly joking around either. And I know it's trust, she does get irritated by it. Like when she's on the phone and I'm trying to go down on her or something, or trying to get her to hurry up and get off the phone she can get me off. You'd think after being with her for like almost two years I would have learned to just back off and wait for her, but nope. I still haven't gotten rid of all my selfish tendencies.

"I know it is baby, and I'm sorry." Yep, I apologize now instead of just blamin my problems on others. But I kinda learned that before me and B got together so I guess that doesn't apply here. I scoot a little closer to her and she doesn't tense up and I'm going to take that as a good sign. "Please don't freeze me out. You know I need you." And I do. I need her more then I need air. Ok, maybe not that much, but I still need her a lot. I need her more then I've ever needed anyone else. And that says a lot because I've never needed anyone before. So I scoot closer until my body is completely pressed against hers and my hand is on her stomach. I can feel our baby moving around a little bit and I smile.

"Has she been moving around a lot?" B let's out a little 'yeah' with a sigh and I back up a little bit. "Let me talk to her." She sighs a mock sigh and I know she's just jokin and she rolls over onto her back. I pull down the covers and then lift up her shirt so I can see her stomach. I scoot down the bed so I'm eye level with B's stomach and gently rub it with both my hands. I leave a little kiss on her warm flesh and I feel her hands stroking my hair. "Hey girly, I don't think your mom wants you kickin her all the time. Just because you want to hear a story doesn't mean you gotta throw a fit." I look up at B and she smiles at me and keeps runnin her fingers through my hair.

"The year is 1999. I showed up in Sunnydale and acted like I owned the place, but I did that everywhere I went. With my badass attitude and killer looks I rubbed people the wrong way every place I went." Whenever the baby gets really active I tell her a little story, or just talk to her and she calms down. I think it's pretty cool, and Buffy likes how much I've gotten into this whole baby thing. "Now I had this big daddy vamp on my back for a while, and I couldn't shake him, which is why I went to good ol' Sunny D in the first place. Now your mom walks in my motel room right after the manager got done callin me a broad. We exchanged some words and then there's a knock at the door, so I open it up and there is the, the big daddy vamp." I glance up at B and give her a little smile and I kiss her stomach again. "Now your mom starts freakin out, screamin and almost cryin 'cause she's never seen anything this scary." B gives me a little smack on my shoulder.

"That is so not what happened. You were the one freaking out. I stayed calm." Yeah whatever, this is my story and I'll tell it how I want to. "Kakistos showed up and your mama here freaked out and I had to calm her down. We ran into the bathroom and got out through the window and they chased us to this warehouse. I explained to her the number one rule of slaying: don't die. And she was still freaking out a little bit." B doesn't know how to tell a good story. Hers are all about morals and learning something. Mine are about the action, when is she gonna learn that this kid is all about the action?

"And when she's in the middle of a boring speech," there was no speech but oh well, who cares? All this shit happened so fuckin long ago. "Kakistos and his gang come rushin in. And this huge vamp kept yammerin on and on about how he was gonna kill us and rip our guts out and lap up the blood." I can't remember exactly what he said but he's a vamp so there's a good chance I'm right. "So we grab out stakes and get into our badass 'don't fuck with us' stances." B gives me another snack on the shoulder. The kid doesn't know what I'm saying so what does it matter? "And we start dustin these guys left and right. Then I get knocked down and Kakistos comes after me, and I stay as calm as ever, but I still can't get away so your mom jumps in and distracts him with her witty banter." Another smack and I smile up at her.

"She almost cried like a little girl," B says and smiles too. "So I jump in and get him away from your mama and I try to stake him up his skin is just too thick. And he's laughing evilly ya know, kinda like 'muahahaha'." I can't help but crack up laughin when she does that stupid laugh. She tries to sound menacing, but she just can't. She goes to talk but I interrupt her since this is the part where I save the day.

"So they're fighting each other, punching back and forth but he's so much stronger then her and it's a losing battle that she just can't win. But I see these huge beams lying on the ground, and the end is broken and sharp enough to kill a vamp. So I run over as fast as I can and grab it. I lunge it through his cold, dead heart and he scream when he bursts into a huge pile of ashes and lands on the ground in a little pile. I'm breathing heavy and my body is buzzing from the battle and I look over and your mom is lying on the ground," I'm not sure if that's true but everything that comes outta my mouth now is gonna be a big fat lie, but it's how I wanted it to go.

"I help her to her feet and she looks up at me and says," I use a very girly voice for this, "'Oh Faith, thank God you were here. I thought I was gonna die', and she wraps her arms around my neck and almost starts cryin she's so happy. I shrug her off and just like the playa I am I give her a little smile and say 'ain't no thang, baby. Now why don't we head back to my place and you can show me just how grateful you are'. And we went back to my motel room and fucked like rabbits for the rest of the night." B hits me again and I sit up and then hold her down by her shoulders and give her a bit playful grin. "You might wanna stop doin that Ms. Summers, you never know what kinda reaction you're gonna get." She smiles and rolls her eyes but plays along.

"Why Ms. Lehane, is me hitting you turning you on?" she raises her eyebrow a little bit and I smile a little more. Maybe I will get some tonight. I use my sexy voice and say 'maybe' and she gets this devilish grin on her face. "Well, I'm sorry to say 'too bad' 'cause I'm tired and not in the mood right now." My smile falls, I can almost hear it disappear and Buffy starts crackin up laughing. "You should have seen your face!" She starts laughing harder and I just roll my eyes. Then she calms down, or at least she tries to. She wraps her hands around the nape of my neck and pulls me down into a little kiss. "I was just playin baby. Now strip and kneel over my face. I wanna lick that dirty pussy of yours clean." I get a big shit eating grin and it only takes me two seconds to get my shirt off and I carefully straddle her face. Six months pregnant and she still wants to go down on me, I've got the best girlfriend ever.

BPOV

I've been extra bitchy today. I can't help it, and no I'm not doing it on purpose just to see what I can get away with. I stopped doing that a couple weeks ago when I overheard Willow and Dawn complaining about how mean I was being. No, I'm so bitchy because I'm two days passed my due date. I'm nervous and edgy and everyone is pissing me off. I don't want to be touched, I don't want to be talked to. I just want to pace. Why can't they understand that? I don't want to sit down and relax. I can't relax, because this baby was supposed to be out of me two days ago but she won't come out. I can feel it's getting close, so, so close, but nothing is happening and no one will leave me alone.

"Buff I know you're nervous but you should at least try to eat something. You haven't had anything all day." Willow is here 'keeping me company' while Faith and Dawn run to the store for some groceries. But my redheaded friend is really here to babysit me just in case something happens. I guess it is a good idea, but I'm a slayer for God sakes, I don't need a babysitter. I haven't needed a babysitter since I was twelve. I haven't had a babysitter since I was twelve. So this is just ridiculous.

"I'm not hungry, alright? I don't want anything to eat, and I don't want to sit down, and I don't want to relax, ok? I just want to be standing up and walking around. I'm not overreacting, and I'm not panicking," maybe I'm panicking just a little bit. "Something's going to happen soon, really soon, and it's freaking me out a little." Willow gets that look on her face, the one she gets before she explains something that's completely obvious but no one else picked up on it. Only now I think it's going to be more a sarcastic remark then filling me in on something important.

"Well, what's going to happen is you're going to have a baby." See, told you. I stop pacing and send her a very nasty glare. If you thought the glares I give when someone touches my stuff are menacing, then you should see my 'no shit, Sherlock' glares. They're pretty bad. She gets a little 'sorry, couldn't resist' look on her face and shifts around on the couch a little bit. She folds her hands in her lap and tries to look a little more serious. "Sorry, it's just, you know what's going to happen. You made me watch the videos with you, and read the books. You're prepared for this, so stop the pacing you're making me dizzy." She just doesn't get it. She's never been pregnant so she doesn't understand.

"No Willow, I don't now what's going to happen. Anything can happen, and once this starts it's not going to stop. I'm not going to have any control over it." I've always been a little bit of a control freak. Not enough for it to be noticeable or anything, but I am one. "What if something goes wrong? What if something is already wrong? This baby should have been out of me two days ago, that's what the tests said, they said she would be born on July sixteen, well they were wrong. So what if there's something wrong with her and I don't know it?" Ok, now I'm definitely panicking. Willow reaches up and grabs my wrist and uses her magic to make her a little stronger, and she pulls me over to the couch and has me sit down right next to her so we're touching. I thought I already said that I don't want to be touched?

"Buffy, there is nothing wrong with this baby." She puts her hand on my stomach, right over my bellybutton and I just want to smack it away, but I resist the urge. "You're getting so nervous because you're worrying too much. Now if you want we can go for a walk, stimulate some of those muscles, maybe get you to go into labor?" I give her a little sideways glace and then rest my head on her shoulder. I'm so scared of the labor part. Obviously I've never had a baby, and I don't know anyone who has. This is just one of those times where I really want my mommy. Everyone is doing their best to support me, but it's not enough. None of them are her, so how could it be?

"I'm afraid, Willow. I'm so scared that something bad is going to happen." It isn't often that I let my walls down in front of my friends like this but I can't hold them up anymore, it's just too hard. "What if something bad does happen and no one, not even the doctors can stop it? This baby isn't natural, Willow, she was made by magic, what if going through this is just too much for her? What if she doesn't make it?" I'm talking just above a whisper now but she can hear me. She starts to gently stroke my back with one hand and my hair with the other. It's not as comforting as I want it to be.

"What you're feeling is normal. All soon to be mothers go through this kind of anxiety. True, not all mothers made their babies with magic, and I don't know any who did, but she's going to be fine. At the last appointment your doctor said that she's developing normally, and that there's nothing to worry about. If there was something wrong, or the possibility of something going wrong they would have told you so you could be prepared for it. So just try and calm down, ok? Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise." She can't promise something like that. She isn't a seer so she doesn't know for sure. But I'll go along with it because she's trying really hard to make me feel better.

"Thanks, Will. I needed that. And you're right, the doctor would have told me if there's something that could go wrong." The doctor did tell me a whole laundry list of things that can go wrong, that's why I'm freaking out here. "And we better not go on that walk until Faith gets back. If she comes home and sees us gone she'll have a huge hissy fit. She's been so overprotective of me the last couple of days. It's really cute, actually, and only moderately annoying. If we leave she'll want to go with us just in case. I'm surprised she even went to the store." It is kind of weird. I mean, for the last two or three days she hasn't left my side unless she was getting me something, and even then I tried to tell her that I'd just get it myself but she insisted. And then she just up and leaves to go grocery shopping.

"Well, then why don't we head over to my place? I can have Kennedy make us something. And before you bring it up, that beef was bad when she bought it, she didn't try to give us food poising it just happened." I remember that all too well. Luckily it was before I got pregnant, because I'm pretty sure you're supposed to avoid things like food poising during your pregnancy. A couple days after I found out that I'm pregnant Kennedy wanted to throw us a big congratulatory dinner but I had to turn her down and we just ordered Chinese instead. I ate the food that I normally eat: chow mein with pan fried noodles, fried shrimp, fried rice, sweet and sour pork, egg rolls, and pot stickers. But about an hour after it all went down it all came back up again, and it burned like crazy.

"No, I'm fine right here. Besides I'm not hungry, I already told you that." I am starting to calm down a little bit. I don't know how or why but I'm not going to fight against it. I feel my baby moving around a little bit and I smile and rub my stomach where my little girl is kicking me. I grab Willow's hand and put it over the spot and she smiles too. My little one hasn't been moving around a lot since the day before yesterday. She was kicking and rolling around and just generally squirming, and it took almost an hour for Faith to get her to stop, and even then I think she stopped only because she wanted to. But ever since then she's been really quiet, and it's kinda freaking me out.

"Ow," I whisper and rub my stomach a little more. That was weird pain. I've never felt anything like that before. Willow scoots away from me a little bit so she can see my face and I guess I'm making a strange expressions because she looks a little worried. "I'm fine, I've just never felt anything like that before." I'm not really paying attention to what she's saying but I just heard her use the word hospital. "No, no hospital. I don't think it was that kind of pain. Besides I wouldn't until Faith gets back anyway. I want her with me on the drive to the hospital." I know it's a little selfish because I'd be putting my baby at risk but I want Faith with me from the second I go into labor. That's why I really want her home right now because I have a feeling it's going to happen soon, and she's not here.

"Buffy I don't think you're going to have a lot of choice in the matter. Once you start having contractions you have to go to the hospital. Faith has her cell phone with her, so does Dawnie, so if you do have to be rushed to the hospital I'll call one of them and they'll drive like bats outta hell until they get there. Faith isn't going to miss anything. And in the very highly unlikely situation that she does you're not going to be alone. You'll have me, and Xander, and Giles, but not Kennedy. Childbirth kinda freaks her out."

I smile and kinda laugh but I don't mention the fact that Kennedy isn't going anywhere near my delivery room. I only want Faith, Dawn, Willow, Giles and Xander inside. And the doctors and nurses of course. Only family, and those people are my family. The A-team (as Faith calls them) are flying up tonight from L.A. They were supposed to be here already but they got caught up doing the demon hunter thing. Cordelia was really excited when I talked to her last week. It's a little strange, it's not like we're good friends or anything, but we have stayed in touch and I've met the other two...Fred and Gunn. Almost forgot their names.

I don't know if Spike is going to show up or not. If he knows what's good for him he'll stay away. I have nothing against him, I actually kind of want him there but Faith isn't going to be understanding about it. She hates him, even though I've tried as hard as I could to explain that I was the one taking advantage of him and he was soulless at the time so the rape attempt shouldn't have been so unexpected, but she won't see reason. Over the years I've learned to forgive and forget and that's what I've done with him. He wasn't around for me to tell him that but I've made my peace within myself and that's good enough. But like I said, Faith isn't understanding about it and nobody blames her. And I keep bringing up the fact that if it weren't for Spike we would all be dead, so if it weren't for Spike me and Faith wouldn't be together, so if it weren't for Spike I wouldn't be pregnant with Faith's child. She does have a lot to thank him for, let's just hope she does it before she stakes him.

"Ow!" I yell and grab my stomach. That was just like before only a lot worst. I think I am going into labor. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. No, no, no! I'm not ready, I'm not ready for any of this. I can't be a mom yet, I'm too young, I'm only twenty-four years old. How insane is that? And Faith isn't even here, I can't go into labor without Faith being here.

"That's it, I'm taking you to the hospital," Willow says and jumps off the couch. I tell her no, and stops by the door and turns around. "Buffy, you're going into labor whether you like it or not, and you have to get to a hospital. We'll call Faith when we get there." Why is she being so damn stubborn about that? And besides she wouldn't be able to make me go to the hospital if I didn't want to. I am a slayer after all, I'm way stronger then her. Then again she is the most powerful witch in the entire world, the white streak in her hair is her little badge of honor declaring that fact. So if she really wants me to go to the hospital I don't really have a choice.

"Willow, it's fine. You watched those videos with me and read the books, and it's all the same: the mother goes into labor and gets a lot of painful contractions, then nothing happens, then she dilates all the way goes through hell and the baby comes out. So we still have time for Faith to get here before I go to the hospital. And we don't even know that this is really it. It could be a false labor, those things happen all the time, especially to first time mothers who don't now the difference." I really want to make my point so she'll leave me alone. I'm not going anywhere until Faith gets here and that's final.

"Fine, I'll call Faith now and we'll wait a little while, but if it gets any worst or your water breaks I am taking you to the hospital, and you have no choice." She walks into the kitchen and gets the phone out of it's cradle and comes back into the living room and sits down in the recliner that's next to the couch. I'll feel a lot better when Faith is here with me. I need her right now, why did she have to go away? We don't need groceries anyway. Since when have we ever boughten groceries? If she's going to cook something she'll buy it a day in advance but we never have a fully stocked kitchen or anything like that. Maybe because we're going to be having some guests over or something. The A-team are coming up from L.A., Giles flew out from Ohio, but he's staying with Xander so it doesn't matter if we have groceries.

"Hi Faith, it's Willow." Great, she's looking right at me while she talks to her. I know she's going to make it sound like I'm being the most stubborn person in the world. "Buffy's having contractions so you better get back here...No, she's only had two that I know of...I have been here the entire time, but you know how is she when it comes to admitting she's in pain. I tried taking her to the hospital but she's being stubborn, like she is with everything else, and she won't leave until you get back here...Yeah, I'll tell her," she looks me in the eyes and replies the message. "Faith said to keep your feet elevated and if you get any worst to go to the hospital and call her from there." Keep my feet elevated? She's probably panicking. "Hurry back, we'll see you in a bit." She hangs up the phone and sets it down on the end table.

"Ok, get those feet up, I'm going to call everyone else and give them a heads up, and Faith wants me to get your bag and put it out here so we won't forget it." She gets up and walks into my bedroom and I can hear the closet door opening and then about a minute later it closes. I'm surprised she could even get to it there's so much stuff in our bedroom. We had bought everything we're going to need for this baby: a basinet, a little dresser, a swing thing, changing table, and lots and lots of clothes and diapers and that kind of stuff. And Faith decided last night that she should go ahead and set up the swing, changing table, and basinet, so she opened the boxes and pulled out all the stuff and after ten minutes she couldn't figure it out so she gave up and went to bed. I was already in bed or else I wouldn't have been able to get to it. We don't have a very big bedroom, and she filled what little walking space we have with all that crap.

But I guess Willow used her magic to get through it all because here is she now carrying my bag. And there's no way she's not using magic to do it because that thing is so heavy Faith has trouble carrying it. Ok, ow, ow, ow. This is a really big pain and I want it to go away. But I bite it back because if Willow sees she'll make me go to the hospital and I don't want to go without Faith. But I guess I'm not being as quiet as I thought I was because she's looking over at me with a lot of concern and I can see her resolve face slowly slipping into place. I'm starting to sweat and that's kind of gross. She sits down next to me and feels my forehead, I don't know why but whatever.

"Buffy, we need to get you to the hospital now. No more arguing." She gets up and grabs the phone and calls Kennedy. She tells her to get the car ready because 'it's time'. I swear I can hear her tripping over her own feet to get the car keys. Then she hangs up and calls Xander and tells him that 'it's time'. I guess instead of cramming into my tiny car Kennedy is going to be driving us all to the hospital in her massive SUV. It seats like eleven people. She bought it before the slayer school was set up and she used to take the newbies slaying. But they all went to Ohio and she just can't force herself to sell it or trade it in for something a little more sensible. But whatever, I don't care. "Alright, let's get going. Kennedy's calling Faith and telling her to meet us at the hospital so you don't have a thing to worry about." Of course I do, Kennedy's a moron she'll probably dial the wrong number or something.

We get half way to the car when another contraction hits and Xander has to hold me up or else I would have fallen flat on my ass. And we just stand here for a few minutes because I can't force myself to move, and everyone is yelling at me not to push. Well, almost everyone, Kennedy just said something about 'you don't wanna drop that calf right here do you?' I'm ignoring for the sake of Willow because if I kill her girlfriend I don't think even me having a baby is going to cheer her up. So we get loaded up in the car and Kennedy speeds off to the hospital. I keep yelling at her to go faster even though she's going ten miles over the speed limit. Since we left the apartment the pain has gotten so much worst and the contractions are a lot closer together. But I refuse to have this baby in the back of a car so I grit my teeth and put up with it and try like hell not to push.

We finally get to the hospital and park out front and Xander leaps out of the car and gets a nurse. That was completely unnecessary because I could have walked, but no, now I have to be in a wheel chair because apparently when you're in labor you're disabled. And why isn't Faith here yet? She said she was going to meet us here, this isn't meeting us here, this is us getting here first and her coming by later. I can't have this baby without her here, I just can't. I guess I'll just keep my legs shut until she shows up.

I sign in at the nurses' station and I'm wheeled up into a room. They make my change out of my very comfortable pajamas, and put on one of those stupid gowns that never stays closed. Then I lay in the pretty comfortable bed, and they hook me up to a heart monitor and put an IV in me so I'll stay hydrated. Kennedy tries calling Faith again but it's no use. I guess she shut off her cell phone. Why would she shut off her phone? She never shuts off her phone. When she patrols she puts it on silent so the vampires won't hear it but it's still on.

So now I'm just laying in a hospital bed with Willow and Kennedy on my right, Xander and Giles to my left and my girlfriend and little sister are no where to be found. It's been almost three hours since I had that first contraction, and the doctor says I'm dilated really fast so it should happen any time now. I've had so many contractions since we left the house and all of them had hurt so fucking bad, but I don't want any drugs. I just want to get this done and over with. Epidurals get rid of the pain but they do it by numbing your whole lower body so you have no idea when you're having a contraction and you can only push on the contractions, so it does make it last a lot longer.

But I might get some to prolong the labor so Faith will be here for the birth of our daughter. I can't believe she isn't here yet. Kennedy swore on her life that she called her, and talked to her and she said she'd be over as soon as possible. I didn't realize that 'as soon as possible' meant never. But then I hear running in the hallway and I look over at the door and Faith and Dawn burst in. They're holing about ten balloons each, and both of them have a huge bouquet of flowers. Willow and Kennedy move from my bedside and take the stuff from Faith and she sits down next to me.

"I am so sorry it took so long. We were at the mall when Kennedy called so I went ahead and bought all this stuff and we would have been here sooner but there was a car accident and traffic was blocked and I broke about a hundred moving violations to get here and I don't even remember where I parked the car." She's talking so fast and she's shaking a little bit. I wrap my arms around her and she hugs me back. I feel so much better now that she's here. I nuzzle her neck a little bit and force my tears back. I'm just so glad she finally made it. "How are you doing?" Wow, I can't believe she just asked me that? What is she, insane again? Well, she asked so I'm going to tell her. I pull out of the hug and lay against my pillows and give her a very sarcastic look and she knows she's in for it.

"Oh, you know, I'm doing pretty good. I'm in the worst pain I've ever been in, in my entire life, my friends forced me against my will to come here because you were out doing only God knows what, and I was worried sick for almost three hours because my girlfriend was at the mall and then got stuck in traffic, and I was afraid she was going to miss the birth of our child. How the hell do you think I'm doing?" She gets a very sheepish look on her face and everyone else in the room is trying not to smile, including me. She turns around and grabs someone off the table and hands it to me. It's a little teddy bear, holding a little red heart and written in the middle says 'I love you'.

"You really think a little bear is going to make me feel better?" Now she looks like she's panicking. I can't just leave her like that as much as I want to. I smile a little bit and hold onto her hand. "I love it, stop worrying. I'm not that mad. But you should have called and said you were stuck in traffic, then I could have stopped worrying." She scoots a little closer to me and gives me a little kiss on my cheek and Dawn lets out a very sarcastic 'awwwww'. Sometimes having a little sister just isn't any fun.

"I know, baby, I'm sorry. But we weren't sure which hospital you were at and by the time we got the idea to call 4-1-1 the line was already moving and we rushed over as fast as we could. And I'm here now, that's all that matters, right?" I guess she's right. But she will pay for this later. I nod my head a little bit and she gives me another kiss only this one is on my lips. I'm about to deepen it, to bring our tongues into play, when I'm hit with the worst pain in the entire world.

I rip my head away from hers and grab onto her hand so hard that she screams along with me. A nurse runs into the room and runs to the foot of my bed and lifts up the covers and checks me down there and announces that I'm fully dilated. She pages the doctor and in the blink of an eye there's so much activity. People are running around like chickens with their heads cut off and they wheel me to another room and the contractions are non-stop now. This is so much pain, why does there have to be so much pain?

"Ow! Oh my God! Faith, Faith it hurts, it hurts so much!" I yell and she's right by my side, trying to calm me down but nothing is working. There are so many people running around in here, so many nurses and with everyone else it's getting really crowded and I'm starting to feel boxed in. And then Faith leaves my side and I think I'm going to have a panic attack. I watch her while this contraction comes to an end and she's kicking everyone out. Ok, not everyone, the doctor and one nurse are spared. "Faith, another one's coming! Faith, I need you!" I'm hit with another contraction and Faith is back by my side now and she's holding on my hand, and lightly stroking the side of my head. I push as hard as I can and I feel like I'm gonna die, but then the contraction goes away and all my muscles relax.

"Baby, you're doing so good," Faith whispers and gives me a little kiss on my sweat drenched forehead. That had to be disgusting but she isn't saying anything about it. I guess she knows it would be smart for her to keep her negative comments to herself. "Just a couple more, and we'll be holding our little baby." I look into her eyes and smile despite the pain. But then I'm hit with another contraction and my smile goes away and is replaced with a very pain filled expression, and I scream as loud as I can as I start to push. "Come on baby, you're doing so good. Come on B, just a little more." Let's see you try this, maybe then you would understand why it feels like I can't do 'just a little more'. Then the contraction ends and the doubt settles.

"I can't do this Faith, it's too hard." I'm crying, literally sobbing, that's how much this sucks. I'm never doing this again. We've having this baby and I'm getting my tubes tied, that's how much this sucks. "She can just stay in there and we'll shove some Barbie's up there for her to play with." Faith laughs a little bit so I squeeze her hand extra hard and she stops laughing. Servers her right. "Oh God, not again!" A contraction hits and I scream. I can feel the head forcing its way through and I think I'm gonna die. There's no way I'm going to survive this. Yes I can, I can do this. Women have been doing this for millions of years right? Well if they can, then I can. I take in a deep breath and push even harder and suddenly all the pressure is gone and I collapse onto the bed and close my eyes. I hear the cries of my baby and I can't help but smile. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

"It's a boy," I hear the doctor say and he sounds pretty happy. Wonder why he's so happy, I did all the damn work. Wait...it's a what? My eyes fly open and my head pops up from the pillows and I look at the little baby that's now lying on my stomach. Its has this gray stuff all of its body, and its crying really loud and has my eyes travel down to the waist area I can see that sure enough he's a boy. But how? How did that happen? Who cares? As long as he's out of me and stays that way I'm happy. I watch Faith cut the umbilical cord and she looks just as shocked as I feel. She takes off the latex gloves that the doctor made her wear and she sits down next to me and holds onto my hand.

"A boy, Buffy, we have a little boy." She sounds so happy, and her smile is huge, and she has tears in her eyes. I don't think I've ever seen her look or sound this happy. And he didn't feel so little coming out, that's for sure. "And he's so beautiful." I look over at the little screaming baby that the doctor and nurse are attending to over at the table. Then I look into her eyes and she has tears rolling down her face. "I love you so much." Before I can say anything she gives me a big kiss on my lips and I can't help but kiss her back with just as much vigor. We break the kiss and Faith gets off the bed. She walks over to the nurse who is holding our baby boy, and he's wrapped up in a big blanket. She cradles him in her arms and just stares at him. He stops crying and just stares right back at her.

The look on her face right now, I wish you could see it, it's a look of pure awe. I don't think she's breathing, that's how captivated she is right now. She still has tears running down her face and they're landing on the blanket. She leans down a little bit and brings him closer to her and she leaves a little kiss somewhere on his face, but I can't see exactly where. I sit up in my bed a little bit and the nurse puts her hand on Faith's shoulder and motions her over to me. I try to look over the blanket to get a good look at him, but I can't. Then she sits down and I can see his face, and he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I can't take my eyes off of him, and he's just staring at me and he has this look on his face like he's trying to remember me or something.

"Hi," I whisper to him and gently run the backs of my fingers over his chubby little cheek. His cheek quivers and his eyes close and his little eyebrows scrunch up and he makes a very loud screech. I count his little fingers, yep there's ten, and then unwrap the blanket a little and count all ten of his toes. He's perfect. He's absolutely perfect, and he's mine. Well, and Faith's, but I did most of the work, so I get the credit, she even said so herself the other night while we were lying in bed together. I can't help but smile as the thought crosses my mind. I finally tear my eyes away from my little boy and look into the water eyes of Faith.

"We have to take everything back and buy it all in blue." She just laughs a little and nods her head. The big softy is trying not to sob. I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and pull her into a kiss that only lasts a few seconds because she pulls away and looks down at our little baby. I do too, and that's all I do for the next fifteen minutes until the nurse comes and takes him away to get all the tests that a newborn baby needs. But once they give him back I'm never putting him down again. It's so insane how much I love him already. I guess there is such a thing as love at first sight.


	45. Not All Is Well In Wonderland

**Lehane Household. Present Time.** BPOV

I really, really love days like this. When I have nothing to worry about, and I'm in bed with the warm sun shining right on the bed, and I'm snuggled against Faith. We're both awake, have been for a long time. Long enough to have gotten up, make breakfast, feed the kids, have Faith's dad pick them up, brush our teeth, then jump back into bed and spend almost two hours making love before we finally came. Like I said before, I really love days like this. They are very few and far between, but when they happen it's better then heaven. And I should know. Being here with her, just enjoying the afterglow, and being snuggled against her...I love it more then words can describe.

Her skin is just so soft and smooth, and I think I have a little obsession with it. I don't know how she gets it so damn soft. I use the same skin products as she does. Ok, different fragrances but same brand. It just doesn't make sense. And I love her skin tone. I'm the typical California girl, tan in the summer death white in the winter. And compared to her I always look death white. I guess the softness and smoothness is just as natural as the nice tone. And I don't know what fragrance she uses because I can't pronounce the name, but it's spicy, with just a tiny bit of sweetness, and then a smell all her own, and every time I smell it I want to eat her up. And that's what I was doing about half an hour ago.

We made each other scream so loud I was sure the neighbors were going to call the cops. But at the same time I didn't care. It's not like the cops could arrest us for having hot lesbian sex in the middle of the day just because our screams disrupted the simple lives of the people around us. Ok, that's mean, some of them have become my friends. Why am I thinking about them again? I can't remember. Especially now that Faith is gently running her hand up and down my back. I feel like I'm going to start purring or something it feels so good. It's still so weird to me the fact that we've been together for all these years and we haven't tired of each other. Her holding me like this after mind blowing sex makes me feel just as special when she held me after the first time we had sex together.

I don't know why it's so strange to me. Maybe because my mom and dad weren't exactly the definition of a happy couple. It isn't just the secretary that I'm talking about either. They were unhappy for a long time, and then my mom found out about the affair and my dad chose the secretary and Spain over his family. But I'm not worried about that. For one thing Faith doesn't even have a secretary and trust me she never will. And for another thing we still love each other so much. Before when we were unhappy and I kicked her out we were just in a rut, and it could happen again but I know if it does we'll fight like hell to get through it.

"What are you thinkin about?" she asks, and because she's tired her Boston accent is a lot thicker. I've always thought it was kind of cute, but she's bound and determined to get rid of it. I don't know why, I guess she just doesn't want to be reminded of where she grew up. I don't know why she asked me that. I must've tensed up or something and she felt it because Faith doesn't usually start the post love making conversations. 'Post love making conversations'? How much of a girly-girl am I? I don't really want to answer her honestly because she gets really upset whenever she thinks about the time we spent apart and what she walked in on that time she dropped Matthew off at the house.

"Not much," I tell her and kiss the very top of her breast. She gently strokes the arm that I have wrapped around her and kisses the top of my head. I need to give her a better answer because she's never going to believe that. I can practically feel the wheels churning in her head. She's probably trying to come up with a way to ask me about it some more without it turning into a big fight. "Sometimes I just can't believe how my life has turned out. As slayers we weren't supposed to live passed our early twenties, and now we're in our early thirties and mothers of three, and I have a gorgeous wife, and I'm actually happy. There for a while I thought I'd never be happy again." It's true, after I was brought back I thought I'd never be able to feel anything but misery. At least not unless I was being fucked by Spike.

"Don't think about him," she says in a forceful tone. What the hell was that about? I lean up a little bit so I can see her face and I give her a very questioning look. "Whenever you think about Spike you always get a shiver down you back. Just don't think about him after we've had sex, alright?" I should argue with her, tell her that I can think about whoever I want whenever I want and that she isn't the boss of me, because it's all true. Even though we're married I'm still my own person and she doesn't have the right to tell me what to do. But for now I'll let it go. I have grown in so many ways, learning to let things go is one of them. I rest my head on her shoulder again and I gently rub her side. Maybe this will sooth the savage beast.

"I didn't mean to think about him, but I was so mixed up then, and whenever I think about it I can't help but think about him. It just happens." It does just happen. I don't want to be thinking about Spike when I'm basking in the afterglow of hot sex with my wife, but it just happened. She lets out a deep, frustrated sigh and I know that no matter what she says I have to stay calm or else a fight will break out.

"I was pretty fucked up too, but you don't see me thinking about my one-nighter with Xander a tribute every time I think about my past." I can't believe she just fucking said that. She knows how upset I get whenever she mentions that. Not that she has a lot. Twice back when we were still dating, and that was it. The thought of her and Xander together...it almost made me sick because it meant something to him, and she had just used him. So she hasn't brought it up in so fucking long. And now she's throwing it in my face just to make a point. I move out of her arms and lean up again so I can see her face and she looks mad.

"Fuck you." It's the only thing I can think of to say. I roll back to my side of the bed, passed the invisible line that runs down the center of the mattress and bedspread, and I turn my back to her. I can't look at her right now. She just can't understand what I was going through, and I can't expect her to. Nobody knows what's it like to be in heaven, and then ripped out of it to be put back on this earth, especially after everything I'd been through before Glory. I don't expect her to understand what it was like for me, but I expect her to at least understand that I was going through a hard time, and as much as used to pain me to admit I needed Spike. All of the things that we used to do it helped me deal with what was going on.

"I can't believe you're still acting like a victim about all that shit, B. If anyone's a victim in all that it's Spike. Just get over yourself already." She's up and out of the room before I can say anything. I don't feel like getting up and chasing after her to fight. What went so wrong? Not even five minutes ago I was snuggled in her arms and we were happy, basking in the afterglow of great sex. And now we're pissed at each other and she's somewhere else in the house doing God knows what. I knew I should have lied and said I was thinking about something else. Why didn't I just listen to myself before I opened my mouth?

Wait...why am I blaming this on myself? She's the one who's being a bitch. We're married now, why can't she just let the Spike thing go? He was an important part of my life, but she's more important, doesn't she get that? And I think she's still jealous of Angel. Our relationship ended how long ago, and she's still trying to compete with him? I only thing that because sometimes when we make love she'll lick or bite at the scar on my neck from the time he fed off of me. Even if it's covered by the makeup she'll still go for it. I just don't get her. I don't understand why she's so jealous. They don't even live near us, we only talk around the holidays, and on birthdays so what is the big deal?

She drives me so insane sometimes, ya know? But I love her, I can't live without her, but she was in the wrong here so I have nothing to apologize for. You read it, she's the one that got all pissy and bossed me around a little bit. She knows I only like being bossed around when it's in a sexy way and that was not a sexy way. I don't think I'm ever going to understand her jealousy of them, but the least she could do is try to control herself. If she doesn't want me thinking about Spike after we've had sex then I won't, but she doesn't have to be so damn mean about it. That was completely uncalled for.

Now that I'm thinking about this more and more I can't help but start to feel panicked. Ok, just calm down Buffy, you're fine, everything is going to be fine. She'll apologize and you'll have makeup sex, and everything will go back to normal. The reason I'm panicking is because me and Faith have been fighting a lot more then normal lately. Not big screaming matches or anything but little fights, like we just had. And not just when we're alone, but in front of other people too, and out in public. I can't help but think that my marriage is in danger. I love her too much to breakup. Oh no, it wouldn't just be breaking up, it would be getting a divorce. I don't want to get a divorce. That's one of the last things I ever want to happen.

We just need to start communicating better, that's all. I should start asking her why she's jealous of Spike and Angel, instead of getting pissed and turning my back on her. But Faith isn't exactly the 'talk about my feelings' type. And I know this is going to sound insane, but I think she's getting snippy with me a lot because she's guilty about something. Insane, right? I know Faith wouldn't cheat on me or anything like that, so why would she feel guilty? No, this is just my insecurities talking, and trying to get me angry and jealous so I'll start a big fight. I don't want to start fighting with her like we were before.

I don't want to separate and I know if I go in there right now to try and work this out it will turn into a huge fight and one of us will end up leaving, and I think this time it will be me. I know if we get into a screaming match right now I will leave. I won't be able to stay in this house with all of our memories, all of the pictures of us and the kids either on the dressers or hanging on the walls. So I'm going to stay in here and wait for both of us to calm down. Why can't I just stay happy? Why does something always have to come along a ruin it?

WPOV

She doesn't want to come back anymore. As I sit here all alone, deep in the woods hidden away from everyone at the slayer school all I can think about is how the love of my life doesn't want to come back to me. I've been talking to her since Kennedy left me, she's been helping me through it, and she wanted to come back, and now she doesn't. She told me she was being selfish, and that there's someone on this earth that's right for me, someone who will make me happier then I've ever been in my life. I told her that isn't possible, that I'll never be able to be truly happy without her by my side. Then she explained that what we had we can never have again, and that she's missed so much, and her coming back just to be with me would be completely selfish. So Tara doesn't want to come back, and now I'm all alone.

I gather up the crystals that are needed when contacting the dimension that Tara's in. It's a great place, and I'm glad she's there. It isn't like where Buffy was. Buffy said that nothing had form, but where Tara is there's form. Apparently she's living in a huge mansion that over looks an ocean and everyday she walks on the warm sand, and I can just imagine it. Her hair shining gold as she walks down the beach, her skin slightly tan from doing it everyday. Her crystal blue eyes so full of happiness. I'm the selfish one for asking her to give that all up just to come back here.

I put the crystals in the leather pouch that I made one day in the arts and crafts class that was added not too long ago. I guess some of the girls have artistic backgrounds and they wanted a chance to express that. Sometimes I join in the class just to make sure that everything goes smooth, and that the girls are actually learning something. Once seven crystal are in the bag I stand up and brush off my jeans and wipe away my tears. I think I should be crying more then this. Tara said she doesn't want to come back to me, I should be sobbing, I shouldn't be able to stand up, but for some reason it doesn't feel like the end of the world. It probably will later on. I always have a feeling of peace after I talk to Tara, but when that wears off I'll get upset and won't be able to get out of bed.

I walk back to the school and sit down on a bench along one of the paths. I sit here a lot because it's not far from the pond that I had Giles put in. I don't know why I wanted a pond, I just did. I never expected that we'd get a flock of ducks that spot by every once in a while, but we do, and the girls like feeding them. Mostly I like sitting here because it's kind of far from the school itself so its quiet and peaceful. I come out here a lot when I need to clear my head. Its like my little escape from reality. I need it, a lot more then I used to, and a lot more then I'm willing to admit. I just can't stand to be alone every second of the day. Even if I'm surrounded by people I feel all alone. The worst part is at night. Going home to an empty apartment, and then going to sleep with an empty bed are just two things that are starting to drive me a little insane.

And it isn't about the sex thing either. Yes it's been a very long time since I've felt someone else's touch, but that's not what's driving me a little crazy. It's not falling asleep in someone's arms, or with someone in my arms. It's waking up alone and feeling empty. It's knowing that I used to have this, three times I had this, and every time it was taken from me. Tara said that there's someone else out here for me, and I want that, I want to be in love again. But at the same time I don't want it. I'm afraid that if I get it again, and when things are finally perfect, I love her and she loves me, and it seems like the world is made for only us, that and that moment it will all go horribly wrong and I'll end up alone again, feeling hollowing. So you can understand my hesitation to go out and find Mrs. Right. I've already had Mrs. Right, two of them in face. What it is about me that makes people want to love me and then leave me?

All of a sudden a reflection appears next to mine in the water. I can't help but s mile a very small and sad smile. Apart from Giles and some of the teachers, Sky is the only one who knows I come out here a lot. I met her when I first moved here when I was ready to stop being a hermit. We're not great friends or anything, but she understands about losing someone you love and having hard time moving on. She doesn't like to talk about it, but her husband died after only six months marriage, but they dated for like three years before they got hitched. From what she's told me she has a brother named Storm, and a sister named Rain. Her parents are a little weird. Kinda hippy-ish, but they're ok as far as parents go.

She returns my little smile and sits down next to me. She knows I've been talking to Tara, she was the first to know. She got worried about me, like everyone else, and followed me out to the woods. She's also a witch so she knows exactly what I was doing, and I didn't have to explain. Giles warned me out using my magic for selfish reasons, but I told him not to worry about it. I told him there would be no repeat performance of what happened in Sunnydale. Besides I'm so powerful now that if I ever did get addicted again I'd die if I tried to quit. It's in me, always, there's no getting rid of it. It took me a long time to learn how to control it. It's kind of like a permanent 'my will be done' spell, only now I can control what happens. I need crystals and stuff to channel my energy but I rarely need spells these days.

"How did your talk go?" Sky asks, but I can tell she knows it went bad. She's using her 'it's ok, you can talk to me' tone of voice. She's a really good listener and she actually cares about what I have to say. She's helped me a lot the last couple of years, and I'm really grateful for it. If I had been completely alone when I moved here I don't think I would have survived the sadness. I needed to talk to someone who was unbiased, and since she didn't know me or Kennedy she was completely neutral, like Switzerland, only without the little milkmaid's outfit. Where did that thought come from?

"She doesn't want to come back." I don't think my voice has ever sounded so hollow. A single tear slips out of my left eye and it slowly slides down my cheek. "She said she was being selfish, and that there's someone here on earth that I can be happy with. I just don't know who that person is." Ok, I must be going crazy because I think I just saw a look of disappointment flash over Sky's face. But now it's nothing but concern. Am I seeing things or did that just really happen? I'm probably just seeing things because of the loneliness. She doesn't think of me that way. We've known each other for a couple years now if she did she would have said something by now. At least I think she would have.

"You will find someone, Willow. You just need to put yourself out there again. I know it's not what you want to hear but you need to let go of your past and look forward. There are a lot of great things out there and you're missing it because you can't move on." That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted some sympathy first, and truth later. But Sky always does it in reverse. I don't know why.

I relax a little more when I feel her hand on my back. She's the kind of person who physically comforts a person, and not so much with words. I scoot closer to her so our bodies are touching. I rest my head on her shoulder, and I feel her wrap her arm around me and give my side a little squeeze. This is how we always end up whenever we sit out here together. Sometimes one of us will be talking, sometimes I'll be crying, and sometimes it's like this. We don't need words, our body language is enough.

I remember my quiet time with Tara. I'd be reading or working on my computer and she'd be sitting behind me and playing with my hair or rubbing my shoulders. I liked our quiet time but I liked hearing her talk a lot more. Her voice...I loved her voice so much. I miss it a lot. The time she sang to me on the bridge in the park always sticks out in my mind. Why did I have to mess everything up? If I hadn't done that spell to make her forget about the fight about magic she probably wouldn't have sang me that song. She probably would have sang a song about how worried she was, or how mad she was at me for being mean to her. I know we wouldn't have gone home and made love all afternoon like we did. I feel horrible for betraying her trust, for raping her mind, but at the same time I don't regret it because it gave us one great afternoon. Of course it all came back to bite me in the ass in a very painful way, but I don't regret that day we had together.

"You ready to head on back to reality?" Sky asks and I look down at my watch. Oh my God, we've been sitting here for three hours. My butt is asleep, I didn't even know someone's butt could fall asleep. It's starting to get dark, so we probably should head in because it gets cold here at night and I'm not wearing a jacket. But I don't want to be alone right now. I think I'll go insane if I'm by myself. I feel so horrible now that the calmness I get from talking to Tara has gone away. Being alone would be bad. So I snuggle in a little closer to Sky and wrap my arm around her back.

"Yeah, but I don't want to be alone. Do you think we can hang out at your place? A documentary on witchcraft is going to be on the discovery channel in about twenty minutes. Wanna watch it?" I look at her reflection in the water and she's smiling a little. We don't really hang out a lot at each other's homes. I don't know why, we just don't. We've gone shopping, and out to eat, but we mostly hang out here. Here where time has no meaning and I can just sit in her arms and forget about my problems.

"I don't know, I always get kind of pissed when I watch shows about witchcraft. We can watch a movie instead. I have a DVD collection that I'm actually a little embarrassed by there are so many. I'm sure you'll be able to find something you like." I smile at her and nod my head. We both sigh and then stand up. I get a little bit of a head rush and she's right there to make sure I don't fall. "You ok?" She sounds all concerned again. I nod my head and we loop our arms together and walk back to her place. We're both quiet, and for some reason it's getting a little awkward. As long as I don't start babbling I'll be fine. I just need to keep my mouth shut because the awkwardness is all in my mind.

She gets the door unlocked and we go inside. She turns on the light in the living room and I take a look around. I like it, it has a warm, very homey vibe to it. There are a couple of paintings I would reconsider if I was her, and I wouldn't have that vase in that spot, but all in all it's a nice living room. And the couch looks really comfortable. Just looking at it makes me want to curl up under a blanket and take a nap or something. What is it with all these weird thoughts today? I've never thought about just curling up on somebody's couch and falling asleep. That would be so rude. I'm here to watch a movie, not sleep on a comfy looking couch. And it's just comfy looking, I haven't even sat on it yet so it could be the most uncomfortable couch on the planet for all I know.

"You ok? You look a little...confused," I hear Sky say and she sounds like she's trying not to laugh. I look over at her a smile and explain that things are just a little crazy in my head. She returns my smile and puts a hand on my lower back. "Well, that's what the DVD is for. You can get lost in someone else's world for a while." I look into her light brown eyes and time seems to stop. I don't know what it is, but the look in her eyes is so...incredible, so intense, and I can feel myself getting lost. I tense up a little when she leans closer to me, and I close my eyes when I feel her oh so soft lips touch mine. But before I can reciprocate she pulls back and she looks a little scared. "I'm sorry I didn't mean-" I grab her shoulders and kiss her for all I'm worth.

FPOV

You wanna know how my day has been so far? Ok, here it goes. First I had that shitty fight with B. Well, it wasn't a fight, at least not really. More of a disagreement with lot so anger. But whatever. I went out to the living room and zoned out in front of the T.V. for a little over an hour when Buffy came out of the room. She made some sarcastic comment and I overreacted and we got into a fight. Nothing physical, just screaming and yelling and name calling and shit like that. She stormed off to the bedroom and I went to the training room and beat up on the punching bag for a while.

I felt a little better when I finished and I went in the house and B was in the kitchen making some lunch and she made another sarcastic comment and I overreacted and we got in another fight and I went back out to the training room and beat up on the punching bag for another two hours. Then when I finished I took a shower and got dressed and my dad dropped the kids off. Me and B were still a little pissed, and wicked tense, and Addy picked the wrong time to act like a drama queen. I told her to go pick up her toys and she made a big deal about it, arguing back and shit and I yelled at her and then B yelled at me and we got in a fight.

And now here I am, at Little Darlings, one my tenth shot of JD. I don't know why I came here out of all the bars in Vegas. And this isn't even a bar, well it is, but that's not the main attraction. Nope, the main attraction is the strippers. That's right boys and girls, Faith's at a strip club, throwin back shots of JD and trying to numb her anger. Anything sound familiar about this picture? Yeah, I drink JD a lot, in all kinds of places. I don't discriminate. I'll drink it in a normal bar, sports bar, demon bar, dance club, strip club, or in my garage. I didn't have any at home and I didn't want to run to the liquor store. So I came here.

I don't know why I cam here. I don't want to get a lap dance or stare at other chick's boobs for hours on end like the guys here. I just wanna get drunk and pass out. I've been here for about half an hour, just sitting at the bar. I don't wanna get a table 'cause I don't want one of the girls to offer a dance 'cause I know at this point I won't turn it down. Maybe they won't offer, maybe they'll see my wedding rings and back off. Not likely, that's why I'm over here. I'm in the corner not by choice. The bar is pretty full and the only empty seat is right next to me. I chased off a couple guys just by glarin at 'em, but that's all that's tried to talk to me, other then the bar tender. She's nice, gave me two free shots, says she knows how hard marriage can be.

It's getting real fuckin hard. I think me and B have just been together for too long. I still love her to death, don't get me wrong. She's my heart and soul and all that other poetic shit, but we're not getting along anymore. That little disagreement we had in the bedroom is just one out of about a hundred that have been happening for the last couple of weeks. We thought that it was just stress from being a family, sexual frustration of having a baby, and tension because she hasn't been slaying in a long time. So we asked my dad to watch the kids, said we needed to get some housework done and couldn't do it with them there, and he agreed to watch 'em for the day. Then we had mind blowing sex and I thought things were gonna be fine again 'cause we got it out of our systems or whatever.

And she just had to think about Spike. So I'm being a little unfair, so what? I said earlier I'll get over it eventually and my jealousy is getting annoying but is it so wrong to hate the guy who fucked my wife in all kinds of dirty ways? Sure she's was a participating member, he didn't force anything on her, and she could have stopped it any time she wanted, but his dick was inside her and that thought just drives me crazy. I don't just hate Spike and Angel. I hate Riley and Parker too. Parker I can relate too a little more 'cause we're cut from the same cloth, we've both used people for our own needs and I get that. In high school I had all sorts of thoughts about all the nasty things I could do to B. And never in those thoughts was there a happily ever after. More like a happily see ya later.

But it's the same just like the others: he was inside B and I hate it. I'm sure she'd hate all the guys that were inside me if she met 'em. I don't even know who some of them are, or where they are now and I don't really care. She gets jealous about the Xander thing, but she understands because she's a slayer too and she knows about what happens when you miss a big kill. If Xander wasn't there, well I'd probably be dead, but if I had gotten away, and didn't kill that thing it would have been a different boy to ride. And damn do I like to ride 'em. B doesn't like to use the strap on a whole lot or else I'd be riding that shit almost every night. Being on top is more then just a physical thing, it's about the control too. And yeah it feels better 'cause you can move your hips around a lot more and find a great spot, but the control was a major factor for me.

Not that any of it matters now. I married B, married. I never thought I'd get married, ever. I always thought marriage is for people who don't know what the good stuff is. Then again when you're not expected to live passed your early twenties planning for a bright and sunny future is pretty pointless. I honestly never thought I'd marry her. When we were living together I figured that's the farthest we'd get. I never imagined we'd ever have a baby together. I mean, there are other options besides the magic thing. Artificial insemination, or adoption are always an option, but I never thought we'd be a family. I never thought we'd have more. Maybe this isn't something I want. Maybe I only proposed because it was just practical. I mean, we'd been together for years, had a kid, wanted another one, and had a house, so why not take the next step? Why not make it official?

"Hey Tracey, gimme a jack and coke, more jack then coke please," I hear someone say and see them sit down in the stool next to me. I'm only looking out the corner of my eye so I can't give you any details, but from the voice I know she's female, and she sounds a little tired so she probably just ended her shift. Not that I care. And it isn't buggin me that she wears the same perfume as Buffy. Really it isn't. Stop lookin at me like that. I watch the bartender walk towards us and then hand the chick her drink. I slide my glass towards Tracey, I guess her name is, and she fills it Jack and I throw back the shot.

"Men are pricks," Jack and Coke says and takes a long suck from her straw. I nod my head and ask the bartender for a real glass. She gives me one of those scotch glass lookin things, puts four ice cubes in it and fills it half way with good old mister Jack. "I make a good living working here. I get paid way more then those women working in the office buildings, but does my boyfriend care about that? No, he just doesn't want me working here. And it's not like he's willing to support me. How the fuck else am I supposed to pay my bills?" I look over at her and she's looking in my general direction but not right at me. At least I don't think she is.

"Sing it, sister," I say and we click our glasses together. She takes a big swig of hers and I down mine. I put my glass down on the table and shake my head a little 'cause it's feeling a little cloudy. "I could be havin mind blowing sex with my wife right now, but noooo. Wouldn't want the kids to hear and be traumatized. She cares more about those damn kids then she does me." I point at my glass and the bartender fills it up again. "And today after we did have mind blowing sex she starts thinking about this guy she used to fuck. Probably comparing. And that boy used to do some nasty shit to her." I take a sip from my drink and the brunette shakes her head a little bit.

"And she's so worried that I'm gonna compare her to the boys I've been with, like I don't got the shadow of Angel hanging over my head. Angel, what kinda pussy name is that anyway? I mean, sure if he was a girl I can see her wanting to be called Angel. But a fucking man? What kinda pussy wants to call themselves Angel?" I take another swig of my drink and shake my head again. I'm starting to feel the alcohol now, and it isn't enough. I'm still mad at her. I don't want to be mad at her. I want to hold her in my arms and kiss her senseless. I want to make her feel like the specialist girl in the world. Specialist, is that even a word? I don't want her to be mad at me anymore.

"You gotta wife, huh?" Jack and Coke asks and raises an eyebrow at me. Is she flirting with me? Probably not. Probably just curious. But I said I gotta wife, didn't I? I said the word 'she' a bunch of times. Maybe she thinks I'm just some crazy drunk or something. I would if I were her. Then again if I were her I wouldn't be stripping. Body and face like that, the girl could be a model or something, make some real money doing something simple. It takes a long time to make it big, but once you're big that's when all the cash comes flowing in.

"Yeah, got me a wife. Used to be blonde, but she's lettin the brown grow back. We got three kids. She had the boys and I had the girl. She's still a little crazy 'cause our second boy, she had him a couple months ago. And why the fuck do people wanna know who the father is? Does is really fuckin matter? It's not like I can tell 'em the truth or nothin so why they always gotta ask?" I take another sip of my drink and my eyes do this weird thing where the room gets kinda blurry. I wonder why that happened. I should probably go to the doctor tomorrow. That's probably a good idea, but I'm not sure. "Like I can just tell people that we got a witch to cast a spell, and I knocked her up a couple times." I look over at the brunette and she's lookin at me with her eyebrows all raised up and shit. Then she flags down the bartender. Good, my drink was gettin a little low.

"Tracey, cut this broad off and call her a cab." Hey, fuck that chick. I'll say when I'm done with my liquor. It's not like I was talkin about some crazy shit. You should hear some of the shit drunk people say, it's so insane. I stand up so I can knock this chick out, but the floor falls out from under me, and now I'm on my back lookin up at the ceiling. Why do I feel so fuckin woozy? I didn't even have that much to drink! This is so stupid. Good, I'm glad they're turning out the lights, I want to go to sleep anyway.

DPOV

If it's one thing I've learned about life, whether you're on a hellmouth or living in some small town that is crawling with meth addicts, it's that life loves to throw you curve balls. Now I don't know much about baseball but from what I understand a curve ball is hard to hit and is very hard to anticipate. That's exactly what happened to me, only in the non-baseball metaphorical way. And it's not just the curve that you have to deal with it's what happens afterwards. How you deal with whatever life has thrown at you. You can face it head on and deal with it in the best way possible, or you can do what I did and tell no one about it and hope that it goes away.

Of course my way never works out. People's feelings get hurt and everything gets so much worst. And that's exactly what's happening right now. The curve has been exposed, the cat's outta the bag and there's not putting it back in. People have gotten hurt. People that I care about and I can't take it back. Ok, so only one person, but I'm still horrible. I hurt him in the worst way possible. Not only did I cheat, but I let him think that the babies I'm growing in my stomach were his, when they're not.

Kyle found out about it today, about an hour ago, and I don't know what to do. When he confronted me about it I didn't try to deny it. I've lied to everyone long enough, it was time I came clean. I thought it was going to go a lot worst then it did. Kyle maybe the sweetest person I've ever known, but he's a demon and when you make a demon that mad bad things tend to happen, but they didn't. I thought he was going to lose control of his powers or teleport away from here or something, but he didn't. He asked me if I cheated on him, and I said yes. Then he asked me if the babies are someone else's and I said yes. He looked so pissed. The spots where his horns used to be started to be started glowing. But he didn't say another word. He turned around and walked off to the bedroom and that's where he's been for the last hour or so.

I tried getting him to talk, I tried getting him to unlock the door but he wouldn't. He said he needed time to think and to leave him alone. So I did. Even though I'm dieing to back over to the door and pound on it until he opens up and talks to me, but I can't do that. I could lose him if I push too hard. I could lose him anyway. I don't want him to go, I still love him. I didn't even mean to cheat, it's just my ex from high school who I haven't seen in years showed up just to see how I was doing, and all of these old feelings sparked up again and he kissed me, and I resisted at first, but I just gave in to it. One thing led to another and now I'm pregnant with Michael's twins.

I hear the bedroom door open and I stand up. I don't hear any footsteps though. I walk slowly down the hall just in case he is there. I'm not afraid of him, I know he'd never hurt me, but I don't want him to feel cornered or boxed in or whatever because he's on edge right now and I don't want to risk him losing control. I can't remember the name of demon that he is, but he's powerful, but he doesn't have that much control. He met me and we fell in love almost instantly and he couldn't stand to be away from me in his home dimension to learn how to control his powers. Time moves different there, I can't remember how because I've never been there but it's slower or something.

"Kyle?" I ask with tears in my eyes and my voice sounds really weird. I stand in the doorway and I see him packing a bag. I guess he was going to walk out the front door instead of teleporting out. I have no idea where he would go. "Kyle, please talk to me." He stops what he's doing and he looks over at me. I've never seen his eyes that color before. Yes, his eyes change color, like a mood ring or something. I've never seen them this color blue before. It's bright, and they're glowing, I've never seen them glow before.

"I can't talk to you. I can't look at you right now." I walk into the room and he tenses up for a couple seconds and then he keeps packing. I stand about two feet away. Close, but not in his personal space. Touching would probably be a bad idea right now. "Just go away." I'm not going away, I can't go away. I'm starting to panic, and it's not a good feeling at all.

"No, Kyle, I can't. You can't leave. Please, if you leave we won't survive this. We can survive this, we're stronger then this." I go against my own advise and reach out and touch his arm. He pulls away very violently and looks at me again. He looks so angry and I deserve it. I deserve so much worst for what I did, but I can't help it, I need him, I can't live without him. I love him more then I've ever loved anyone.

"I've put up with your shit for way too long. You're the whore who fucked someone else and got knocked up and fucking lied to me about it. If you fuckin told me about it from the beginning maybe we could have survived it, but we can't. I can't pretend that those…things are mine." I can't believe he just said that. He referred to our babies as things. I just can't believe it, and I know I shouldn't, I have no right but I get mad.

"But they are yours. So maybe you didn't father them, but you've been to every doctor's appointment, you've seen them grow, you've talked to them. They know your voice, they respond to it. They're a lot calmer when you're around, and they need you. They need a dad, and I need you. I need my fiancé because I love you, and I can't do this without you." The reason he's so hurt is because he wanted to be a dad so badly. We've talked about it for years but I never felt ready. I was going to tell him that the babies weren't his, but when I told him that I'm pregnant he was so happy and I couldn't ruin that.

"No, Dawn, they're not mine! They came from the guy you fucked! I can't just pretend you didn't open your legs for someone else. I can't pretend those bastards are mine!" He starts packing his bag again, and now I'm sobbing. He walks over to the closet and throws the door open and pulls out a bunch of his clothes. Before he gets back over to the bed where his duffle bag is, I step in front of him and try to stop my tears. I know I'm pushing my luck, and I don't care. I love him too much to just let him walk away.

"I can't let you leave, I love you too much." I want to say more but he interrupts me and I know he isn't going to say anything nice. I can tell that I pissed him off even more because his eyes are glowing a lot brighter. Maybe I should just back off and let him leave because if I push him too hard he could lose control and something horribly bad could happen.

"No you don't. You don't love me or you wouldn't have fucked that other guy!" He screams right in my face. He takes a couple steps forward so we're almost touching, and he grabs onto my upper arms. He isn't hurting me but it's clear he doesn't want me to be able to leave while he says whatever he's about to say. "Was it good? Did you like having that guy's dick inside you?" I try to get my arms free but he tightens his grip and now it hurts. "Did he make you come? Did he make you scream?" He yells the last part really loud, and there's a ringing in my ears now. He pushes me back and I land on the bed. I sit up and try to look in his eyes but he won't look at me.

"No, I didn't like it." I might as well be honest. "It felt wrong, and dirty because it wasn't you. I don't know why I did it. Its just…there was so much unresolved stuff between us and the tension was so high, and I regret it. I wish it never happened, and I want more then anything for our babies to be biologically yours, but they're not. And there's nothing I can say that's going to make up for what I did, but please don't just leave. If you run away we'll never get through this. If you leave now we won't be able to fix everything." He picks his shirts up off the floor, he dropped them when he grabbed onto my arms, and he throws them on the bed next to his bag.

"You don't fucking get it, I don't want to get through this! I don't want anything to do with you or those bastards!" He walks over to me and grabs onto my wrist. What the fuck is he doing? I fight against him, I try to get him to let go but he's so much stronger then me. He uses his other hand to grab onto my ring finger and now I know what he's doing.

"No, no don't. You can't. Please." But he does it anyway. Even though I'm fighting him with everything I have he still manages to pull my engagement ring off my finger. I did put up a good fight and his fingernails scratched my skin pretty hard and now my finger's bleeding, but I don't care. He puts the ring in his pants pocket and starts packing his clothes again. "I need you, please, please don't leave me." He's done packing, and he zips up the bag and slings it over his shoulder. I don't think I've ever felt this empty before. I don't think I've ever felt this type of tightness in my chest. It hurts, it hurts so much, and the only thing that's going to stop it from hurting is him staying.

"You should have thought about that before you fucked your ex." With a sharp cracking sound, and small puff of smoke he's gone. I can't do anything but stare at the spot he was just standing at about five seconds ago. I can't blink, I can't breathe, I can't move. I can just sit here and feel this pain. I'm hurt, and sad, and angry, and scared all at the same time and no matter how hard I try to block out the others and just feel one, I can't. It's just too much to handle, and when flood gates break, and the tears start to pour out of my eyes I don't do a damn thing to stop them.

I collapse on the bed and curl up into as tight of a ball as I can get, but that's kind of hard when you're as huge as a bloated cow. I grip onto the comforter as tight as I can because I feel like I'm falling, even though I'm not moving. And right when I feel like things can't get any worst. Right when I feel like I'm about to die because of this horrible pain in my chest, life throws me another curve ball in the form of a sharp almost blinding pain in my stomach. I scream out loud and wrap my arms around my stomach but it doesn't help. And then I feel a lot of warm liquid fall out of me. That's the only way I can describe it. Leave it up to the powers that be to send me into labor right after my fiancé leaves me.


	46. The Patnerity Of Dawn's Offspring

_I'm sorry it took me so long to get this posted, but the website messed up and wouldn't let me update anything. I hope you enjoy it. And I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I really appreicate your feedback. It's been very helpful._

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**The Following Morning.** FPOV

I woke up about half an hour ago. That sucked like a mother fucker. My head hurts so fuckin bad. I can't believe I passed out, but I does make sense. I'm just not used to that much alcohol in so little time. When I woke up I thought I was drugged or something but nope. Apparently after I passed out the stripper and the bartender checked my licence and got my address and after the bartender closed up the place she drove me home. Trust me when I say B isn't happy with me right now. She hasn't even looked at me yet. She didn't even put me in bed, she just tossed me on the couch. So not only does my head feel like it's being split down the middle but my back hurts 'cause our couch sucks.

Fuck! Why did we have to get the loudest phone ever? My head is gonna fuckin explode if that nosie doesn't stop. I yell out for Buffy to answer it, but it just keeps on ringing, and ringing, and ringing. What the hell happened to our answering machine? I bet B turned it off. Five fuckin bucks says she turned it off. So scream out for Mattie to get the phone, but still the torture doesn't stop. So I get up and drag myself from the bed all way across the fucking room to the dresser because Buffy 'forgot' to put the phone back in the cradle when she got done talking to Giles.

"Hello." Ok, I was going for anger and hatred, but it came out more 'please stop hurting me' in a very Bambi voice. And of course this asshole is not only asking for Buffy but there is so much fuckin background noise that he has to yell to talk over I want to stab myself in the head just to make the pain stop. "Hold on a sec." I put the phone down and gently rub my forehead with the palm of my hand. "BUFFY PHONE!" I scream it as loud as I can at the moment. If my throat wasn't so dry it would have been louder but whatever. She yells back from the kitchen so I hang up the cordless and put it back on the dresser.

I really need some fuckin water. I drag my feet down the hall and walk into the kitchen where B is in a panic. Great, now what's going on? Why does our life have to be so dramatic? Why can't we just have a quiet normal life? Oh right, we're slayers. I forgot there is no quiet and normal when you're a mystical being put on this earth to do nothing more but kill demons and die. I pour myself a cup of coffee and thank God it's still warm. I hate it when I pour some coffee and then take a sip and its cold. That's so fuckin gross. Anyone agree with me?

I watch Buffy hang up the phone and then start dialing a number. Great, who is she calling now? Giles, great, I wonder if this is supernatural 'cause I am in no shape to fight a demon right now. Kennedy a skilled slayer who loves to kill demons, he should have her do it. She's younger and full of energy and all that shit. I'm old and battling a demon of my own. The demon of hangovers. I sit down at the table and take a sip of my coffee and it feels really fuckin good going down. I kinda want it to be an Irish coffee, make the pain go away a little faster, but this is good enough. And now B's getting upset. This day is going to be so great, and yes I'm being very sarcastic.

"Well find her Giles, she should be there, we should all be there. I'm going to call the airport and get a flight out there, do you think you can rent a couple of hotel rooms? Thanks Giles, and hurry." She hangs up the phone and runs off to the bedroom. So we're going somewhere. Hmm, I wonder where we're going. Then she runs back into the kitchen a different shirt halfway over her head and she's not wearing any pants. At least I'm staying calm and collected. "Dawn went into labor yesterday, and had the babies late last night. We need to get there, now!" she yells and runs off again. Well, this is something to panic over. I get up as fast as I can and walk to the bedroom. B's already got one bag packed and working on another. Well, when she wants something done fast she'll really commit.

"I'll pack our stuff, go gets the kids' stuff ready." Okie-dokie. I walk into Mattie's room and pull his duffle bag out of the closet and start packing. I put in some pants, some shirts, socks, underwear, extra pair of shoes, and some of his favorite toys 'cause he'll probably get bored. Then I go into Addy's room and start packing her duffle bag. Why does she have so many dresses? I just noticed that this kid only has two pairs of jeans, two shorts, and a pair of capris. So I pack all those and only three dresses and I'm going to buy my baby girl some more jeans and t-shirts when we get to Redding 'cause this is sad. A little girl shouldn't be forced to be a doll. They should get to wear some jeans and get dirty just like the boys.

Now that the two easy ones are done I'll start packing for the baby. There is going to be so much stuff. I don't think I'm going to be able to get it all in one car. I just got the best idea ever. I walk into my bedroom where Buffy is still runnin around like a chicken with its head cut off, and I sit down on the end of the bed. She doesn't notice me at first which is kinda nice 'cause it gives me a little more time to think about how I'm going to word this. It is a sensitive subject and if I say it wrong she'll freak out. But I think she's too concerned about Dawn to really care right now. She just wants to get out of here and I'm going to use that to my advantage. Trust me, advantage will be taken.

"Hey baby," I say and she looks at me through the mirror and starts putting on some eyeshadow. I'm not even going to comment. "Getting the kids ready is going to take a while, why don't you catch the earliest flight you can get and we'll catch the next one. Dawn probably needs you right now, we shouldn't keep her waiting too long." She stops what she's doing and gives me a look like 'why didn't I think of that?' She nods her head and puts on some mascara. Ok, she's going to see her sister in a hospital, what's with the makeup?

"That would be great, Faith. It'll give me some time to get a hotel room ready before you get there with the kids. Thank you, baby," she says and now she's getting tears in her eyes. And I know exactly what this is about. I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her from behind. I look at her face through the mirror but she's avoiding eye contact. She thinks she has to be so strong, like Superwoman or something. Is she ever going to just let her guard down and let me take care of her?

"Baby, Dawn is going to be fine. She went to the same hospital where you had Mattie, so we know it's good, and she was prepared for this. She read all kinds of books and watched all the gross videos. She had Kyle with her, and yeah he's a pansy but you known he would never let anything bad happen to her." I kiss her neck and she leans into me a little bit, and she feels calmer. Not just physically but emotionally too. And I know this 'cause of our slayer connection. She was really freaking out there for a few minutes, but she's going to be fine. I let go of her and she sniffles and fixes her hair a little bit.

"I'll call the airline, get you a ticket, ok? And don't worry, we'll be there as soon as we can." I know she's going to be fine. She just needs to see her sister. I grab the phone and go into the kitchen. I grab the phone book and call the airline and reserve her a seat on the earliest flight to Redding and it won't be hard for her to rent a car. Her flight leaves in an hour so she's going to have to hurry. I hang up the phone and call the neighbor girl and ask her to watch the kids for us. I might as well drop Buffy off at the airport. No need to pay for leaving two cars in the airport parking lot. That can get a little expensive.

I get dressed and put on some shoes and wait for her to say goodbye to the kids. Mattie's a little pissed because he really wants to go and see Dawn's babies, but he's going to have to wait. Addy throws a little tantrum because she's a drama queen but B calms her down. Then she gives a kiss to Joey and we're off. The ride to their airport is almost silent except for the radio. I can't stand silence, never have been able to and never will. When we get to the airport I help her with her bags and it's fuckin crazy here. I never have been able to figure out why the airport is always so crowded all the time. I wanna stop everyone and ask 'em where they're going but that would be a little crazy.

"I'll see you later," I say and give her a kiss. She kisses me back with a little more vigor so I guess she is going to miss me. I wrap my arms around her and hug her tight. I'm going to miss her too. Even if we're not on the best of terms right now we still love each other, and it's going to suck being away from her. She hugs me back, and we just hold each other for a minute or two until the woman on the intercom announces Buffy's flight is ready for boarding or whatever. We let go of each other and I kiss her again. It doesn't last very long and she seems distracted. Probably worried about Brat or something.

"I love you," she says and gives me a little peck on the lips. Then her expressions hardens a little bit. What the fuck? "And just because this came up don't think you're off the hook. We still have to talk about you getting drunk at that strip club last night." I nod my head a little and put on my best pout. Now she looks even more irritated. I tell her I love her and she softens a little bit. "I love you too." I give her another kiss and the woman on the intercom announces Buffy's flight again and she has to leave.

"I love you," I tell her one last time and she says it back and then she leaves. I watch her go through the security check and then she disappears in the massive amount of people. Why do there have to be so many people? I sigh loudly and walk off towards the exit. I need to get home, I told Emma I wouldn't be gone long. I've already been gone for forty-five minutes. It doesn't sound like much but she's dealing with my kids. I just hope she isn't tied up and gaged when I get home. What I really hope is that me and B will be able to get along while we're in Redding. I messed up my going to that strip club but it's not like I got any lap dances or anything. I got drunk and passed out, which is exactly what I planned on doing.

Now that B isn't here and can't tell what I'm thinking just by looking at me, I gotta admit those where some fine lookin girls in that club. Maybe B will take me there for my birthday. We've always joked about it, but maybe she'll finally give in to it. It's not like she won't enjoy herself. So maybe if I play my cards just right we'll be able to ditch the kids with Emma and go have some 'grown up fun'. We really need some of that in our relationship again. I think not going out and having fun is starting to drive us crazy. Here's hopin.

BPOV

I can't believe my sister went into labor yesterday and she didn't have someone call me. Did something go wrong? Did she have an emergency c-section and she didn't have enough time to call me? There are just so many things I want to know. And I will get to ask all of the questions running through my head in a little over an hour. I'm halfway there right now, but I still have to rent a car and drive to the hospital and that's going to take some time. What I really want to know is why didn't Kyle call us? I know he didn't forget because he has the best memory of any I've ever known. But then again his fiancé has never gone into labor before. It's a very hectic thing, and remembering to call someone doesn't seem as important as being with the woman you love while she's having your baby, or in this case, babies.

Helping my sister is a big distraction that I'm so glad to have. I told Faith before I left that we'd have a big talk about last night, but I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to hear what she did with those other women. It's one thing to be mad at me and go off and get drunk, but at a strip club? I guess it makes a little sense. She was really mad when she left, so the alcohol probably wasn't enough to make her forget about the fight. She probably needed some bimbo's breasts in her face and a perfect body grinding against her. That doesn't make it ok though. I'm pissed that she went there, and I'm pissed that she got so wasted one of the girls had to drop her off because she passed out by the bar.

I look down at my rings, and smile a little as the diamond sparkles in the light. I've known for a while that our marriage is in trouble. They say the first year is the hardest and it has been hard. Getting married and dealing with the 'it's official, we're forever', and then raising a family at the same time, especially a little baby, it's just really hard. Our level of intimacy has gone way down. We don't make love as often as I'd like to. It's not like I'm never in the mood, I have been a lot lately because of the lack of slaying, but something always comes up that stops us. Either one of the kids wakes up, or she remembers that she has an early class and can't because she'll be too tired in the morning.

And it isn't just making love. We never spend any time together anymore. She's either at school or training with Matthew, and I'm always busy taking care of Joseph and cleaning up the house and running errands. We used to at least talk a little before we went to bed. We'd make out for a little while even if it went nowhere it was still nice. Now all we do is say goodnight and lay next to each other. We don't talk, or kiss, or cuddle or any of the things we used to do. It's almost like we're still together just because we're so used to it, not because we need each other, or want to be around each other.

Ok, I can't think about this anymore, it's getting too depressing. I need to focus on Dawn. She's going to need a lot of help these next couple of days. Well, more like months, but there's only so much I can do. We can't just pack up our lives and move back to California. I wish I could live closer to my sister though. I really want her to move to Nevada, but I'm afraid she'll get mad if I suggest it. I'm afraid she'll take it the wrong way. She might think I just want to keep an eye on Kyle or that I don't think she can handle herself. She can handle herself, she has been able to for a long time, but I miss her, and I want to see her on a regular basis. Not just when something big happens in our lives.

I listen as the piolet announces that we need to buckle our safety belts and secure the food trays, or whatever. I buckle up and try to ignore the person next to me. Don't you hate it when you have to sit next to a chatty person and you can't just tell them to shut up because that would be rude? Yeah, so do I. He's been talking non-stop about his dog or something ever since we took off and I haven't paid attention to a single word of it. It might be a little rude, but I'm too busy worry about my sister over here. I mean, she just had two babies, she's got to be tired and sore and in pain, and all that other 'I just had a baby' stuff.

Kyle is probably really happy though. I guess he's wanted kids for a long time now, but Dawn was never quite ready. They're going to be great parents. They love each other so much, and they're great with Matthew. At least they always were, they haven't babysat him in a long time. He really misses them, especially Kyle. I never have been able to figure out why Matthew thinks Kyle is so cool. Maybe because he's a demon? I don't know, and right now I don't really care. I just want to see my sister and make sure that she's ok. The after effects of childbirth are different for everyone. Look at me, with Matthew I was so happy, but with Joseph I was insane. Dawn could be feeling anything at this point and I want to be there to help her out.

The plane lands and when the flight attendants say it's ok to leave everyone gets up and exits the plane. I ignore everyone around me because the only thing I can think of right now is getting to Dawn, and making sure she's ok. I just need to get to Dawn. I pick up my luggage which doesn't take very long, surprisingly. I only packed two bags because I have no idea how long I'm going to be here. I rent a car at the desk and I'm so glad it doesn't take a long time. I run outside and put my bags in the trunk and take off towards the hospital. I know which one she's at so it won't take as long tracking her down. I just need to find out what room she's in. I hope they'll let me see her without a problem. What if something happened and she had to have a surgery and she's unconscious or something?

Alright, Buffy, don't start thinking like that now. She's fine, the doctor said she's recovering just fine. He answered all of my questions and she's ok, the babies are ok. He said that she seems a little depressed and hasn't said a word since she gave birth, which is a little weird. I mean, Dawn talks almost as much as Willow just slower so you can understand her a little better. So why isn't she talking to anyone? She was so happy about the pregnancy, when she wasn't panicking and calling me nine times a day. And now that I'm thinking about it, the doctor never mentioned if anyone was with her or not. I forgot to ask because I just assumed that Kyle was there, but what if he wasn't? Don't be stupid Buffy, he's a demon who can teleport. Nothing would stop him from being there to see the birth of his babies.

I pull into the hospital parking lot and shut off the engine and then run for the huge doors. I run up to the desk and ask where Dawn Summers is and the nurse says I have to go up to the fourth floor. Why is nobody in a hospital helpful to the visitors? Ok, so it was a little helpful knowing what floor she's on, but I already knew the fourth floor is the maternity floor. I had Matthew here, and Faith had Addison here, so yeah I'm very familiar with this floor. So I go up to the nurses' station on this floor and ask where Dawn Summers is and finally I get an answer. She's in room 213, down the all and it's the fourth door on the left. So I bolt down the hall, and on my way there I can hear the painful screams of other women giving birth to their babies. Oh, the memories those screams bring up. Like how Faith did nothing but curse like a sailor on leave. Ok, Buffy, focus.

I'm about to just burst into the room but what I see makes me stop cold. I see Dawn lying in the bed with the covers pulled up to her chin. She's lying on her side and it sounds like she's crying. On the right side of the bed, well my right her left, are two plastic basinet things that the nurses put the babies in. There are two of them, so both of the babies are ok otherwise they wouldn't be in here. I can't see what's inside of them but I can hear the babies cooing and making all kinds of noises. And Dawn has her back to them. She's lying in that hospital bed lying with her back to her babies and she's crying. Ok, what the fuck happened? Where's Kyle? Why isn't he in here? And as curious as I am to look inside the basinets I have to go to my sister's side first.

I slowly walk into the room and make my way towards her bed. The room is almost completely quiet except for her cries, and the babies' grunts and snorts. Newborns are a lot louder then people realize. Anyway, I stand by her bed and gently reach my hand out and brush some of the hair away from her face. She jumps a little bit and looks up at me. Her eyes and nose are so red, how long as she been crying? She scoots away from me a little bit and I don't get it at first, does she not want me near her? Does she want to be left alone? But then she pulls back the covers a little bit and I understand.

I slip off my shoes and crawl under the covers with her. I wrap my arms around her and she leans against me. The bottom of my chin is pressed against the top of her head, her arms are wrapped around me in a death lock, and she's crying harder now. She's coughing a lot too. I do what I can to comfort her. I gently stroke her hair and making some soft shushing sounds but it isn't helping. I think she just needs to cry right now. I want to ask about a million questions, but I can't. I can't start bothering her with questions right now when she's so broken. But I don't get it, why is she broken? Why isn't Kyle here? I can think of a few reasons why and all of them are going to result in a painful beating by me and probably the rest of the scooby gang, and Faith.

A nurse walks into the room and checks on the babies and says she'll be back later to check on Dawn. I guess she realizes we need some time. Some doctors wouldn't have left. They would have given her the exam no matter what kind of emotional state she's in. And you know I wouldn't let that happen. They'd probably try to throw me out of here or something. But that isn't going to happen. I have no idea how long she's been crying but she's starting to calm down a little. I can feel her body shaking all over, and she's coughing a lot more, but her sobs aren't as loud. I think she's starting to fall asleep. A few more minutes pass and the only thing left from her is a barely there tremor as she sleeps very unsoundly. She's not going to get any rest and she's going to be tired as hell when she wakes up.

I'll wait a little while before I start asking questions. So Kyle just couldn't stand the thought of fatherhood anymore? Or he couldn't stand to be around Dawn? I know she can be a bitch, even when she's not pregnant, so maybe he just couldn't take it anymore. Still, that's no excuse to run off on your pregnant fiancé. If I ever find him I'm going to beat him senseless. There won't be any mercy as far as I'm concerned. I mean, you don't just run off on my sister. I'd be just as angry if he were human, this has nothing to do with the fact that he's a demon.

I close my eyes and listen to the sound of my sister's breathing, and the sound of her babies' grunts and sorts, and little whines. I'm surprised a nurse hasn't taken them away to be fed or something. I'm sure they're hungry by now. Then again I don't know when they were fed last so it could be a while. And I must have been more tired then I thought because I can feel unconsciousness taking me over, and I'm not doing anything to stop it. I just hope my sister is going to be ok. From what I understand she was so happy before whatever happened to ruin that. It shouldn't have happened. Bad things shouldn't happen to happy people. Happy people should have happy things happen to them. Ok, did that even makes sense? I am way too tired to be thinking right now. I'm going to sleep.

FPOV

I just got here at Redding about fifteen minutes ago. I'm still waiting for my luggage. Well, our luggage I should say. I convinced my dad to watch Joey for me until we get back. It would just be a lot easier if he stayed in Nevada with him. Traveling with Mattie and Addy is hard enough, add a little baby to that and it's damn near impossible. And these two have been fighting for a while now and I'm not doing a damn thing to stop it. It's not like they're being loud, they just can't agree on whatever it is they're arguing about. And I know the only reason the fight isn't getting loud is because Mattie isn't paying attention to it. He's too excited about being in Redding again to really care. He just wants to see Kyle again, and he wants to stop by the old house to see what it looks like now.

"Mama, will you hold me?" Addy asks in her baby-ish voice. Takes after Buffy on that one. I look down at her and she looks really tired. She isn't used to flying and jet lag must be a bitch when you're a little kid. So I bend down and pick her up and her head is instantly against my shoulder. I hate that this is taking so fucking long. Dawn's like family to me, and I really want to see how she's doing. I'm not as worried as Buffy was but I'm still freakin out a little bit. I want to make sure she's ok and everything. I want to make sure that the babies are ok. Delivering twins can be a tricky thing. At least that's what Buffy told me. I guess she kind of freaked out and went on the internet and researched it or something, and she told me some of the horror stories she read.

What I'm really hoping for is a non-pissed at me Buffy. I screwed up a little by going to that strip club but it's not like I was getting lap dances left and right or anything. I sat at the bar and drunk myself stupid and then passed out. Nothing more, nothing less. Sure Jack and Coke took me home and that must've been wicked awkward for Buffy and she must've been pissed, but I'm not the bad guy here. And she's a fuckin liar if she says she's never been curious about what that strip club was like. She's been to one before for her bachelorette party, and I went to one too. I can't remember which one I went to because I did get pretty wasted, but I was still there. And I did get lap dances and one of the girls wanted to take me home with her. Ok, that's not the point. The point she's being a little hypocritical.

Finally our stupid luggage is here. I put Addy down and grab the bags and Mattie helps me. I'm glad I grabbed one of the cart things that you put your bags on 'cause there's a lot more here then I remember. Two bags for me, one for Mattie, two for Addy and her car seat. How much stuff do we need? We're only going to be gone for a couple of days. But whatever. I put our bags on the cart thing and try to push it over to the desk at the car rental section of the airport and keep an eye on the kids at the same time. Luckily Mattie is super protective of Addy and he holds onto her hand and makes sure to stay right by my side.

The protectiveness comes partly from his slayer side. He's protective of her because she's vulnerable and doesn't understand as much about the world as he does. But I think it mostly has to do with being her big brother. He doesn't want anything bad to happen to her and he's so fuckin cautious around strangers. He's a friendly kid, don't get me wrong, but he doesn't let a stranger get too close to Addy without me jumping in and saying something. A good example is when we were at the mall and there was this guy selling balloons and I bought one for both Mattie and Addy, and Mattie let the guy tie the end of the string around his wrist, but when the vender tried to hold onto Addy's wrist so he could pull it up a little higher Mattie almost hit the guy. I'm glad he's so damn protective of her. It'll make things easier when she starts dating, which won't be until she's thirty-five.

It takes a few minutes for me to get a car rented 'cause there was a pretty long line. I tell the woman behind the desk what I'd like to have and luckily they still have a couple. A sedan is the best choice even if I don't like them. I'm more the sports car kinda girl. But whatever. It has four doors and it's big enough to comfortably seat five people and that's all that matters right now. So I walk out where our car is, put our bags in the trunk, hook up Addy's car seat, and get her in that, and argue with Mattie for five minutes over why he can't sit in the front seat, and then we're off. Even if he is a slayer he's still a kid and death by air bag is not something that's going to be happening to him, even if he is pissy at me because he has to sit in the back.

Giles already reserved everyone a hotel room so that's where we're going first. He even got adjoining rooms so me and B can have our room, and Mattie and Addy can share one. The door separating the rooms will probably stay open though, just 'cause B will worry about the kids and all that other stuff. Addy might freak out a little bit and want to sleep in our bed with us, but there's nothing new about that. That's another thing that me and B fight over. Addy has her own room, she isn't a little baby, she can sleep in her own bed, but Buffy just doesn't get that. So whenever Addy wants to sleep in our bed B doesn't stop her. A couple of nights I actually stormed out of the room and slept on the couch, but Addy got really upset and I don't want her thinkin I'm mad at her when I'm mad at her mom.

I call Buffy's cell phone but it's turned off so she's probably still at the hospital. I wanna go there and check up on Brat, but I don't wanna take the kids with me and I can't just leave 'em here. I don't wanna take 'em with me just in case there is something wrong. They shouldn't be surprised by it 'cause they'll just get really upset. Me or B should be the ones to tell them if something bad happened 'cause we can at least answer some of their questions and lie to them so they won't know exactly how bad it is. Hey, we're moms protecting our kids from pain is just what we do. Especially when they're this little and they won't understand about stuff. There's a knock at the door so I get up and answer it. I smile a little when I see Willow standing on the other side and there's some brunette standing behind her.

"Hey Faith, when did you get here?" she asks and I can't help but notice something weird about her. Oh my God, she's fucking glowing. Not literally but close enough. I tell her about twenty minutes ago, and she starts talking about her flight and how much it sucked because of the weather. I just nod my head a little bit and I get a devilish smile when I see something on her neck. I look back at the other woman and she's standing pretty close to Willow here, and if I'm not mistaken she has a hand on Willow's lower back. Well, this is going to be fun.

"So, Willow, we haven't talked in a while." I glance back at the other woman and then back into Willow's eyes and she looks a little panicked because of the smile on my face. "Did you get yourself a little 'pussy, Willow'?" Her blush is so fuckin bright if I put the end of a light bulb against her cheek it would probably light up. The woman behind her laughs a little and Red whips around to glare at her and then she turns back to me and starts stuttering so bad I can't understand a word of it. Then she gives up on whatever it was she was trying to say and goes for a different approach.

"Faith, this is Sky, Sky this is Faith. Please excuse her rude behavior, she isn't used to talking to strangers." I just give her a little smile and roll my eyes a little bit. I shake hands with Sky and then let them in. And then the questions start. "So, how's Dawn? Have you seen her yet? What do the babies look like? Did she have boys or girls, or a boy and a girl? She never did tell us what the babies are. Did she get an ultrasound to find out or did she want to be surprised?" I was going to say something to get Red to shut up 'cause I can't answer any of her questions 'til she stops asking them. But I don't have to. Sky reaches over and gently rubs Willow's back and Red stops talking. She looks a little embarrassed and gives me an apologetic look. "Sorry, I'm just really excited." I smile and sit down on the end of the bed.

"Nah, I haven't seen 'em yet. We just got here and Addy's sleepin in the other room. I was gonna see if Giles would watch 'em so I can go check up on her, and B. Buffy was freakin out this morning when she left. When did you guys get here?" I ask and Red says about fifteen minutes ago. Damn, that's not long enough for a quicky, I was gonna tease her a little, but whatever. I'll tease her tomorrow. Sky offers to watch the kids but I don't jump at the opportunity. I mean, I don't even know this chick, I don't want to leave her alone with my kids. Then again we didn't know Emma when she first babysat them when we went to that stupid party at the Morrison's house. I look over at Willow and she nods her head a little bit.

"Alright. They might be gettin hungry so just order some room service. And don't let 'em have too much sugar, ok? Get 'em some burgers or whatever and then some cookies, like two ro three each, but no more then that." She nods her head and tries to tell me that everything will be fine, but I don't fully believe her. "And, don't take 'em anywhere, just have 'em stay in the room. If they get bored there's some toys in their bags, and some games and stuff." I show her where the bags are and walk into the other room where the kids are. Mattie's sitting on his bed playing with his Gameboy and Addy's still sleepin on her bed. I sit down next to Mattie and he pauses the game and looks up at me.

"I'm gonna go see what's takin your mom so long to get back." He's pissed off now because he really wants to go to the hospital and meet his cousins, and make sure Dawn's ok, and visit with Kyle. He goes to say something but I interrupt him. "I promise I'll take you there tomorrow, but Dawn needs some more rest first, ok?" He tenses up 'cause he's bottling in all his anger. We're going to have to spar later on so he can get all that out. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Sky is going to keep an eye on you guys, so listen to her, and help her keep an eye on Addy, and make sure she doesn't freak out if she wakes up before I get back ok?" If Addy wakes up and me and B are still gone she might panic. The only babysitters she's ever had are Emma, and my dad.

I give him a kiss goodbye and give Addy a little kiss on the forehead. She moves around a little bit and her dark, curly hair gets a little more tangled but that's fine. She doesn't wake up, thank God, or she'd throw a hissy fit 'cause I'm not taking her with me. I say one last goodbye to Mattie and he starts playing his game again. I wish he wasn't so mad, but I wanna get the scoop on what's goin on with Dawn, and the only way to do that is by going to the hospital. I give Sky a little warning 'cause a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. I tell her if anything bad happens to my kids that she could have prevented I'll beat her to death by my bare hands. Red gets a little snippy with me but I don't care. She nags me the entire way to the hospital and thank it's only a five minute drive. I think about kissing the pavement when I get out but that'd be a little crazy. And crazy just isn't something that I am...anymore.

BPOV

I slowly start to wake up and something feels different. It takes me a few seconds to remember that I fell asleep in Dawn's hospital bed and she's the one I'm holding in my arms. For a second I was about to panic, but everything is fine now. With me at least. I open my eyes a little and see that Dawn's still asleep. There's a nurse sitting in the corner of the room feeding one of the babies with a bottle. I can't see the baby because he, or she is wrapped up head to toe in blankets. Now that Dawn's sleeping and fine for the moment I really want to know what my little nieces or nephews, or niece and nephew looks like. Why did Dawn want to be surprised by the genders? Things would be so much simpler.

"Has anyone else showed up?" I ask the nurse and she tells me no. I guess they're still on their way. I look over at the clock. I've only been asleep for about an hour. At least I think it's about an hour. I don't know. I wish I knew, but I'm not going to worry too much about it. I smile a little bit when the baby the nurse is holding starts making some whiney noises and she starts whispering to...them. I don't want to say 'it' but I don't know if he or she is a boy or a girl. At least not yet. Now that I'm starting to wake up my curiosity is starting to grow. "Was there anyone with her during the delivery? Other then the doctor and nurses I mean." The nurse gets a sad look on her face and it's freaking me out a little bit.

"No. She kept calling out a man's name, I can't remember what it was. And she didn't want anyone to call any family or friends. She's been...quiet, mostly. I don't think she's held either one of them yet. Are you family?" I nod my head and tell her 'older sister', and she smiles a little. I look down at Dawn and gently rub her cheek but I pull my hand away when she starts to move around. "You can hold him if you want." She had a boy? "I need to burp him first." She smiles at me again and puts the baby over her shoulder and starts patting him on the back. I still haven't been able to see what he looks like and I'm dieing to know. I want to know what my little nephew looks like. I wonder if he has horns, or little bumps where the horns will grow in. I wonder if the doctors are worried about it and want to run tests and stuff. Doctors can be very nosey and don't know when to back off sometimes.

I wait for her to finish burping him and that little boy is really loud. She wipes up some spit up with the rag she had put over her shoulder and then she stands up and walks over to me. I sit up a little straighter and I'm careful not to wake Dawn up. I want her to sleep as long as she can. She's going to need her energy. Anyway, the nurse hands me the little bundle who's looking around, and he looks a little confused. I thank her and she sits back down in the corner of the room. I look at the tiny little boy in my arms and there's something wrong. Ok, so nothing's wrong with him, he looks healthy and all his body parts are in the right place, but there's something off.

So here are my observations so far: there's no little bumps where his horns should grow in, his skin isn't pale with little flecks of blue like Kyle's. There are no pointy ears, or strange colored eyes, and he certainly doesn't look like Dawn. Well, his nose is a little pudgy like hers but he could have gotten it from his father. Who I am now starting to very much doubt is Kyle. So here is what this little boy does have: dark curly hair, dark almond shaped eyes, Dawn's pudgy nose, and dark skin. I'm sure it's pretty safe to say that this little boy's father is African-American. I look over at Dawn with a little frown on my face. When did she cheat on Kyle? Well, that's obvious, about nine months ago.

Why didn't she tell me she cheated on Kyle? We're sisters, we're supposed to be able to talk about anything. I talk to her about my problems...sometimes. I mean, when something big happens, yeah I tell her, and this is something big, so why didn't she tell me? And when did she tell Kyle that she cheated? It's pretty obvious that it's the reason he's not here, but the nurse said she was alone, so he didn't find out when the first baby was born. So when did she tell him? Too many questions, and no answers, that's what I got right now. I'm extremely tempted to wake Dawn up and start an interrogation but I can't do that. She just gave birth to two babies, her fiancé has most likely left her so she has a lot to deal with. The last thing she needs is me waking her up and badgering her with questions. So I'll just wait until she wakes up on her own.

I do have to admit that my nephew is a little cutie with is little afro and gorgeous dark eyes. I wonder if she named them yet. I look down at the little bracelet and there's no name on it, just a serial number or something. I'll take that as a no. I look back at that cute little face and he's staring at me with a little frown. I make a funny face at him and now he's looking at me like I'm a freak. I lean down and give him a little kiss on the tip of his nose and he screeches a little. Jeez, this kid sure does have a set of lungs on him.

"Don't screech at your aunt Buffy, it isn't nice," I tell him and give him another little kiss. He's so small, probably less then five pounds. I look up when I hear someone knock on the door a little and I see Faith and Willow. I smile at them and they walk in. "Dawn's still asleep, but this little guy isn't." I look down at him again and he's still staring at me. I'm used to it though, all little babies stare, it's just what they do. They stand next to me and look down at the little baby in my arms and one of the gasps, probably Willow, and one of them chuckles a little bit, most definitely Faith.

"I'm goin to go ahead and point out the obvious: that kid isn't Kyle's," Faith says and I feel her gently rub my back. I know she's smiling. I don't know how I know, I just do. I can feel her smile. Faith has a very soft spot for black babies, and I'm willing to bet a hundred bucks she'll try to take one of Dawn's home with us. "Damn, he sure is a little cutie. Where's the other one?" It takes her about four point three seconds to spot the basinet and she rushes around to the other side of the bed and looks into it. She gets a huge smile on her face and gently reaches down and picks up the little baby. The baby starts crying and Dawn starts to wake up. I give Faith a panicked look but there's not much she can do.

"Buffy?" she asks and she sounds really tired. She groans and rolls over onto her back. She slowly opens her eyes and looks over towards the noise. "Faith, what are you doing here?" She sits up and she looks panicked and a little mad. "What are you doing? Put him down." So they're both boys, huh? Wait, why is she getting so mad? "Give him to me," she says a little forcefully and the realization hits me like a punch to the face. Her maternal instincts are kicking in and she's getting protective. Faith hands her the baby, and she pouts a little because she doesn't get to hold him. I smile at her and mouth 'haha'. She sticks her tongue out at me and I roll my eyes. We smile at each other, and look into each other's eyes. Then we're pulled back into reality by Dawn.

"Enough with the cuteness, I don't think I can handle it today." She sighs and adjusts the bed so it's slanted and she leans against the pillows. I look at the little baby she's holding and he looks almost exactly like the one I'm holding. I say almost because his eyes aren't as big, but other then that they look exactly alike. "I'm tired, do you think you can come back later?" Faith looks a little disappointed, but she'll be ok. She'll be pouting when I get to the hotel room though. I go to stand up but Dawn grabs onto my arm. "Could you stay? Please." I look into her big blue eyes that are so full of sadness and I nod my head yes.

"Of course sweetheart. I'll stay as long as you need me." Willow and Faith say goodbye and Faith gives my shoulder a little squeeze before she leaves. She would have kissed me but it would upset Dawn, and that's the last thing we want to do at this point. I readjust myself so I'm mimicking her position and she sighs. She leans her head up against my shoulder and I smile a very small smile. "Dawnie, please be honest with me, ok?" She sighs because she knows what's coming, but she lets out a little 'yes' anyway. "Who's the father?" She sighs again and doesn't say anything. "Dawn, please, tell me. You know you can talk to me about anything. I'm not going to judge you, you know that. So please, tell me what's been going. Why did you sleep with someone else?" She sighs again and sits up straight.

"Michael Yates. That name sound familiar to you?" she asks and goes quiet again. It does sound vaguely familiar. Michael Yates...isn't that the guy Dawn dated in high school? It is. She was crazy about him, I remember that. They dated for a really long time. She gave her virginity to him. Other then me hating him for being my sister's first, he's a pretty good guy. We got along as much as me and my sister's boyfriend can get along. For a while I wanted to kill him because of the 'them having sex' thing, but other then that I never had any problems with him. I was actually kind of sad to see them break up because he treated her like a princess.

"Michael Yates, the guy you dated in high school?" I ask and she nods her head. Ok, so I was right. But they broke up so long ago, and he moved away so when did they see each other again? "Ok, sweetheart I'm going to need a little more then that. When did you see him again, and why did you sleep with him?" My voice is soft and gentle. I don't want her to feel threatened or anything, but she is getting a little irritated. I haven't been asking her too much, not as much as I want to ask. I'm limiting myself so I won't cause her to have another break down. This talk is going good so far, lets keep it that way.

"He came back to Redding about ten months ago. He didn't move here for anything, he was just visiting some of his family. He stopped by one day just to see what I was up to. Kyle was gone, visiting his family for a couple of days, and I never thought this would happen, so I didn't think it would be a problem letting Michael in. We started talking, just saying what we've been up to over the years." I can't believe she invited him in. I mean, I trust my sister and she usually uses good judgment, but when it comes to matters of the heart she can be really dumb sometimes.

"I told him I have...had a fiancé, and he was happy for me. We were standing at the door before he was going to leave, and he gave me a little kiss on the cheek and I looked into his eyes and I could feel everything I felt for him before. And I just stopped thinking. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him and...well I don't really have to explain the rest." She gently caresses the cheek of the little baby in her arms. She sighs and rests her head on my shoulder again. "I didn't even think about using protection. I didn't think at all about anything, not until after he left." Ok, it's time for another question. And yes this one is important.

"Does he know?" She sits up straight again and looks at me like I'm on crack. "Dawn, you have to tell him. These babies are his, he has a right to know that he's the father." She sighs again and closes her head. She rests her head on the pillow behind her and the baby in her arms starts to move around a little. "I think he's getting hungry." The nurse gets up, I totally forgot she was there, and she leaves the room. "You're not going to breast feed?" She shakes her head no, and she still hasn't opened her eyes. "Ok, seriously now, Dawn, are you going to tell him?" I shouldn't be pressuring her like this, but he's a father now and he has the right to know that these beautiful little babies are his. I'm sure he'd want to know.

"I don't think so. I don't need anything from him, I have enough money saved in the bank to support all three of us, and I already paid the daycare through next year so that's taken care of, and when I go back to work I won't have to worry about dipping into my savings to pay for stuff. And he lives all the way in L.A., and I'm not going to move all the way down there, and I don't think he'll want to move up here, so what's the point?" The point his he's the father and he has the right to know. I need to try and give her some perspective even if it doesn't work, I have to at least try.

"Look I'm not trying to make you do something you don't want to do, but think about them." I look from one baby to the other and she finally opens her eyes and does the same. Hopefully I'm making some progress. "Think about when they're six or seven and they want to know who their daddy is and why they've never met him. How are you going to explain it to them? And just because you're financially fit it doesn't mean he doesn't have the right to know that he's a father. He may way to be a part of their lives. If he offers you money you don't have to accept it, but it might make things a little easier for you if he does move up here to be closer to them." I stop talking and let out a little sigh. I've said all I can. She either tells him or she doesn't, there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not going to go behind her back and tell him.

"It's just too much, Buffy. It's all just too much. I have to learn how to be a mom and take care of two babies, and deal with the fact that Kyle is gone, probably for good. I have to learn how to take care of myself on my own again, and it's just too much for me to think about right now." Ok, ok, I get it. I guess I'll just ask an easier question. I give her a little kiss on the side of her head and gently caress her cheek to help calm her down a little. The nurse comes back into the room with a bottle and hands it to Dawn. She sits up a little straighter and just before the baby starts to cry she puts the bottle up to his lips and he opens his mouth and starts to drink like there's no tomorrow.

"What are you going to name them?" I ask and she sighs again. Only this time she gets a little smile on her face. I guess she's been thinking about it. I look down at the little boy in my arms and smile a little when I see he's asleep, and he's sucking his thumb. These are two of the cutest little babies I've ever seen. Right under Matthew, Addison, and Joseph. So I'm bias, sue me.

"I haven't thought of middle names yet, but this one," she says and looks at the little boy in her arms. "Is going to be Alex, and that one," she looks over at the boy I'm holding. I still can't believe I'm an aunt. I am going to spoil these kids rotten, you have no idea. "Is going to be Nick. I might have to keep those wristbands on them for a while though. They look exactly alike and I don't want to get them mixed up or anything." I smile and give her another little kiss on the side of the head. "I don't know what I'm going to do. How am I supposed to take care of them by myself? I've never even babysat your kids by myself." There's a simple solution that I've wanted to suggest for a long time, but I've been holding back. I might as well go ahead and say it since she asked.

"There's a house for sale about three houses down from me. I'm sure if we talk to Giles he'll buy it for you. You can move there and I'll help you. And before you protest it won't be a hassle. I'm not working, Matthew's in school, and Addison has daycare. That just leaves me with Joseph. You can stay with us until the house goes out of escrow and you can move in, or I can stay with you. Escrow usually lasts about a month and there are plenty of people who help Faith out with the kids while I'm gone. You're not alone in this Dawn, you have a lot of people who will drop everything they're doing to help you, so please don't be afraid to ask for it." She looks into my eyes and nods her head a little bit, but she doesn't say anything. She has a lot of thinking she has to do, so I guess she better start doing it. I hope she doesn't need any help 'cause I might be too busy just look at this gorgeous little nephew of mine.


	47. The Downside Of Being A Slayer

**Five Days Later.** BPOV

I'm sitting in the hotel room. It's only three in the morning. It's still pitch black outside. Everyone is still asleep, except for me obviously. I woke up a couple of hours ago and couldn't get back to sleep. So I snuck out of bed without waking Faith up, and sat down in the chair by the window and I've been here ever since. I've been thinking about a lot of things, a little about Dawn and whether or not she's going to move to Nevada to be closer to us. She still hasn't made up her mind, and I told her I can stay as long as she needs me, but I don't think I would be able to stay more then a month. I'd miss my family too much, ya know? And she understands, so she's going to try and make up her mind soon. She wants to talk to Kyle before she makes any decisions. Seems kind of pointless if you ask me. He made it clear that he doesn't want anything to do with them. But she loves him so she has to try.

I've been thinking a lot about Faith, or more specifically my relationship with Faith. It's starting to crumble, we've all seen this. You've been witness to some of the fights that we've had. And I know better then anyone that relationships aren't all good all the time, people do fight, but they make up afterwards. But we don't make up afterwards. We fight, and we tolerate each other, and then we fight some more. But an apology is never said, an apologetic glance is never given. It's like we both just want to forget the fight ever happened, but the tension is still there. It's starting to get to me, as you could imagine.

It's not just the fights. It's also everything else. We don't spend any time together anymore. Everything is done separately and we don't even tell each other about our day. She comes home from school, and does her own thing for a while. I take care of the kids while she makes dinner, and afterwards we spend a little time together watching T.V. with the kids, but we don't even cuddle during that time anymore. And when we're in bed we don't talk, we just say goodnight and go to sleep. It's like we're too completely different people now. What happened to the frisky-Faith that would always try to feel me up when she knew I was still awake? And what happened to passionate-Buffy who wanted to make love almost every night of the week? What happened to the Faith and the Buffy that liked spending time together and would go out of their ways to make sure that their partner is ok? What happened to my wife?

Even though I'm trying like hell to hold it back a little sob manages to escape my throat. I've been fighting back the tears for a while but they're winning the war. I'm just trying to hold it all in because I know if I start crying now I might not be able to stop, and I don't want anyone to see me like this. Yes I still have issues showing people what I'm really feeling on the inside. And it really is a slayer thing. It wasn't just me being standoffish. It's like a defense mechanism or something. I haven't met a slayer yet who is comfortable with showing their true emotions when they're upset. They try to hold it all in. There are some girls who have learned to overcome the urge to bottle it all in, but I'm not one of them.

"Baby?" I hear Faith ask from the bed. Her voice is really raspy from sleep and she still sounds a little out of it. I glance at her through the corner of my eye and watch as she rolls over in the bed and looks around until she spots me by the window. She looks over at the little nightstand by the bed and then yawns really wide. "Babe it's only three-thirty come back to bed." I don't want to go back to bed yet. I want to tell her that I'm not tired, but if I try to talk I'll start sobbing and I really don't want to do that. "Buffy, what's wrong?" She gets out of bed and slowly walks towards me. She shivers a little as the cool air from the room touches her warm skin. I know it's warm because I was pressed up against her before I got out of bed a little while ago. Before I got lost in my depressive thinking.

She stands next to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I don't look up at her. Instead I gently rub my cheek against the back of her hand and then she feels the tears that have leaked out. She slowly pulls her hand away and kneels down in front of me. She's worried, I can see it all over her face. But I can't talk to her about all this. Not right now, it's just not a good time. I'll get too emotional and the kids will wake up. And I have to be at the hospital in a few hours to see Dawn, and if I start getting upset now I don't know if I'll be able to pull myself together to be what my little sister needs. I know I'm fighting the inevitable. I just hate losing and I don't want to lose to this. I know I'm going to break down pretty soon. It's just a matter of time. She asks me again what's wrong and I know I have to answer her. She holds onto my hands and I look into her eyes. My vision is blurry because of the tears.

"I miss you." There. Plain and simple. That's what's wrong with me. I miss my wife. She's more then that though. She's my best friend, my lover, my partner in slaying, the person who has my back in every situation. She's my everything, and I miss her. She gives me a strange look, like I'm not making sense or something. She gets a little more comfortable on the floor and the grip on my hands becomes a little firmer. I gently pull one away though, so I can wipe the tears away from my eyes.

"Babe, I'm right here. You have me, I'm right here." I sniffle really loudly and wipe my eyes again. I shake my head a little bit and she gets a confused look on her face. I really want to explain to her what I'm feeling. I want to open up to her and tell her everything that's going through my mind, but at the same time I don't want to open my mouth because I'm afraid that I'll completely come apart. But I have to risk it because I want my everything back. I want us to go back to the way we used to be before the distance separated us. I take a couple of deep breaths to calm down a little and I don't talk until I know for sure I'm not going to start sobbing as soon as I open my mouth.

"But I don't have you," my voice cracks a little and it takes everything I've got to keep myself from openly sobbing. "We've been so distant lately, even when we're in the same place we're far apart from each other. We don't talk, we don't spend any time together, and I can't even remember the last time we made love." She looks away from me for a couple of seconds as my words sink in, but she looks right back at me with a very intense look in her dark brown eyes. It calms me down, and gives me a feeling like I finally know she's paying attention now. That she knows about the problems we've been having and she's willing to address them instead of just ignoring them. "I miss you, Faith. I just want you back." She nods her head a little bit and gives the back of my hand a little kiss.

"Everything has been scattered, I've been busy with school and all that shit, but B I was always right here. All you needed to do was tell me there was a problem." Is she honestly telling me she didn't think there was a problem? There have been problems. We argue a lot, we haven't been getting along, and we haven't been intimate with each other. I bite back my anger and try to remain calm. This cannot turn into an argument. I won't let it. We have to have a civil conversation about this otherwise nothing will be resolved.

"Faith all we've been doing for the last couple of weeks is argue. And we never try to make up, we just try to forget about the fights." She's getting a little irritated now so I should probably use a softer tone of voice. "I'm not trying to say that the fights are your fault. They're nobody's fault, they've just been happening. We've been too distant from each other. We stopped communicating and because of it we're not getting along. Please don't get mad. I just want us to be like we were before. We used to tell each other everything. What happened to that?" I start to get a little overwhelmed at just the thought about what I'm going to say next. My eyes water up really bad again and my voice cracks really bad because of the lump in my throat. I just hope I can get this out. "And I'm afraid that if we don't fix this it'll be too late. And I don't want to lose you. I don't want to end up divorced and lonely."

She leans up and wraps her arms around me and holds me close to her. I can't hold it in anymore and I start sobbing very loudly into her neck. This has been building up for a while now and I just need to get it all out. She lifts me up and manipulates our bodies so she's sitting in the chair and I'm on her lap, with my face still buried in her neck. My sobbing is getting a little louder, but I don't care. I know I should try to calm down but I can't. I've been holding all of this in for so long. And Faith is doing what she can to comfort me. She's rubbing my back, and stroking my hair, and whispering to me. I'm not really paying attention to what she's saying, but the sound of her voice is comforting.

It takes a while but I'm finally able to calm down. I still haven't loosened my death grip from Faith and I don't want to. I want to stay in her arms because it's where I feel safe. But I guess she has other plans since she's whispering for me to get up. I'm reluctant because I finally got her back but if she doesn't want me sitting on her there's not much I can do about it. I stand up and she surprises me a little by picking me up and carries me over to the bed. She gently sets me down and covers me up and then gives me a little kiss on the tip of my very red nose. She goes into the bathroom and comes back out with some toilet paper. I use it to blow my nose and she even throws that away from me. When she's all done pampering me so crawls under the covers and holds me very close to her.

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispers and holds onto my hand. She toys with my wedding rings a little and then she looks into my eyes. "Our vows said until death do a us part, so the only way you're getting rid of me any time soon is if you kill me. And hey, it didn't work the last time you tried." I try not to laugh because that's a horrible thing to say but I can't help it. The mischievous tone mixed with the playful look in her eyes is too much for me to keep a straight face. I think it says a lot about our relationship that we can look back at that awful time and laugh about it. Should we be laughing about it? Probably not. She tried to kill almost everyone I care about and I tried to kill her and feed her to my ex-boyfriend, but we're laughing about it so oh well.

"We're just in a little rut," she says and the look in her eyes changes. I know that look all too well. "We'll get over it." She starts feeling me up, running her hand up and down my side while the other leaves my hand and moves to my all too eager breast. She starts kissing my neck and I take in a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds. I'm getting wet with the anticipation of what we're going to do. I groan in frustration and a little anger when we hear knocking at the front door. "We just won't get over it tonight." What a smart ass. I give her a little glare, and then a soft kiss on the lips before I get up and leave to answer the door. It's way too early for this to be personal, which means there's trouble afoot. Sometimes being a slayer really, really sucks.

FPOV

So this morning when me and B were about to have sex and someone was knocking at the door, it wasn't a personal issue like I thought it was gonna be. I thought Willow and Sky had gotten into a fight or something or realized they aren't good together and Willow wanted to shack up with us until Giles got her another room. But that's not what happened. It was Red at the door, but she was just informing us that there was something on the early morning news about some people being killed last night, only they weren't just killed they were ripped apart. And Red did the mojo thing and even though she doesn't know where it is, she knows that there's a big evil lurkin somewhere here in Redding.

Tonight me and B are gonna patrol and kill this thing before it can hurt anyone else. Red said it isn't a vampire, and besides there were no bite marks on the bodies. But I don't gotta think about that stuff until tonight. Right now B's at the hospital with Dawn and I'm at the airport waiting to pick up Xander. I guess he took a trip to New York with Katie, just a little vacation and Giles just got a hold of him last night. His flight should be here any minute. Only what really sucks about being here right now is that everyone is at the hospital visiting Dawn so no one could watch the kids, which means they're right here with me. They're getting bored, and when my kids get bored they get a little rowdy.

Thank God the flight from New York just landed. We should be out of here soon. What the fuck am I thinking? We're going to be here for another hour at least. They probably have so much luggage 'cause both Xander and Katie pack way too much shit. They were only going to be gone for a week, that's two bags tops. You don't need much when you're traveling, people have kind of lost that way of thinking. I guess it's because I never had a lot growin up. When I finally took off from Boston to find my dad and ended up in Sunnydale lookin for B, I didn't have much. A bag and some clothes and a knife, but that's it.

I watch as all the people start to walk into the terminal from the plane. I just hope this doesn't take a long time. I want to get back to the hotel and rest up for tonight. B hasn't been slaying in a long fuckin time and I'm gonna have to keep an eye on her. I'm gonna have to pull more of my weight 'cause she'll probably be a little rusty and I don't want her getting hurt. And there's nothing anyone can say that'll make her stay at the hotel. No, she's going so I might as well try to enjoy it. I miss slaying with her. That's one thing that we both love doing together. And we are pretty competitive people so sometimes we turn it into a competition. But mostly we just look for the vamps and talk and exchange playful banter. Most of the time we end up making out against a tree or something and then we go home and have some hot post-slaying sex. God I miss that so much.

"Mama, who's that?" Mattie asks and it pulls me back to reality. I look down at him and he's staring towards the wall. I follow his gaze and there are fifteen people sitting in the plastic chairs against the wall. I don't recognize anyone so I'm clueless. I ask him who he's talking about and he looks up at me and then back towards the wall. "The guy in the black hat. He keeps looking at us. Who is he?" I spot the guy in the black hat and he isn't lookin at us, probably 'cause we're lookin at him. He does seem a little familiar, and for some reason I'm thinkin it's a bad thing. I run my hand through is hair a little and look away from the guy.

"I don't know who he is, just ignore him." Probably just someone checkin me out or something. Mattie notices that a lot now when we go places, and I really wish he wouldn't. But he isn't dumb so he sees it, and it makes him a little mad. He's so overprotective of us. I think it's 'cause he's the only guy in the house. He's been spending a lot of time with my dad ever since he moved to Nevada, and it's a good thing 'cause he's teaching my boy all about being a boy. So Mattie is just being protective of his girls. I'm proud but worried at the same time 'cause I know if someone steps to me and tries to talk Mattie won't just stand there and keep his mouth shut. One day he might try to protect us against the wrong person and get hurt, and depending on what it is I might have to kill it. If it's a vamp it'll be dust faster then the blink of an eye, but if it's a person who touches my boy in a bad way I'll have to knock 'em out.

But enough about all that shit. I don't need to be thinkin about bad stuff like that. It'll just put me in a bad mood. I look towards the gate and keep a look out for Xander but I still don't see him. Maybe he got hung up in traffic or something. New York is a bitch when it comes to getting somewhere on time. I remember it would take forever to drive there from Boston. I get a ride with some of my friends and we'd all drive down there for a concert or a rockin party. Aw, good times, gooood times. The last time I was there though, it was for a mission, some demon needed to be killed, and it was a bitch trying to drive to the hotel. I almost just parked the car in the road and walked the rest of the way. So maybe Xander missed the flight and I'm standing here for no damn reason.

I take my cell phone outta my jacket pocket and try calling Giles. It automatically goes to his voice mail so he's still at the hospital. I try calling Xander but it just rings and rings and rings until it goes to his voice mail. What the fuck is it with people and not answering their phones? What's the point of getting one if you're not going to answer? I'm just pissed because I've been waiting here for what feels like an eternity and I really wanna fuckin leave. I'm hungry as hell and I want to get somethin to eat. Since the kids are so bummed about not getting to see their new little cousins yet I'm gonna take 'em out for Chinese since they love it so much. But no we have to wait here forever instead. I think all airports are in some strange dimension where time moves slower. 'Cause it fuckin seems like it.

"When's uncle Xander gonna get here? I'm bored," Addy whines and shifts from foot to foot. I tell her I don't know and she sighs and leans against me. She's getting really bored and when she's really bored she gets a little out of control. I glance over at that guy when I get the feeling someone's watching me and sure enough he is. He's trying to be a little discreet about it. He's looking over the newspaper that's in his hand, and the only reason I know he's looking at me and not the paper is because we just locked eyes. Damn this motherfucker looks familiar. I just can't place him. Where did I meet him? The thing that's stickin out to me the most is the scar on his forehead.

I look away after a few seconds 'cause I don't wanna seem rude or anything, but mostly because I want to keep an eye out for Xander if he ever shows up. People are still un-boarding the plane so it's possible that he's still on there. And it's only been a couple of minutes since the plane got here, it just seems a lot longer because of the whole evil dimension thing. I kinda feel like I'm the one who's stuck in time and everyone around me is moving at the normal pace and I just can't seem to get there. Is that strange? 'Cause I'm thinking maybe. I look down when I hear Mattie yell. Addy's bored so she's taking it out on him. I am in no mood to put up with this shit. I reach down and pick her up and prop her on my hip. She protests a little bit but stops after a few seconds.

I think everything with B is gonna be ok now. I mean, she got all that shit off her chest and yeah we need to talk a little more. I need to make her understand that everything is going to be ok. I don't think I do that enough. I really don't think I tell her I love her as much as I should, and I think it gets to her every once in a while. She knows that I love her, and I know she loves me but it's still nice to hear it every once in a while. I think I'm gonna really make this one up to her though. I have plenty of cash on me to get her something nice, so I think I will. It's one thing to say I love you, it's another thing to say I love you then give her diamond earrings. I think she'll love the second one better. My cell phone starts ringing and I almost drop Addy trying to get it out of my pocket.

"Hello?" I ask with a little irritation in my voice. It's Giles on the other line. "How's Brat and her rugrats doin?" He says that the rugrats are doin fine, but Dawn seems a little out of it. And she's gonna be a little out of it for a while. Having a baby for the first time tends to mess you up a little 'cause it is a traumatic experience for your body and all that. Top that off with the fact that Kyle left her and she isn't gonna be right for a long time. B told me about the proposition she made to Dawn about her moving in the house a little down the street from us, and I think it's a great idea. She's going to need all the help she can get. And that house is fuckin nice, way better then ours. Then Giles tells me some news that I don't really want to hear. He tells me that Xander's flight was changed at the last second because of bad weather and he's in San Diego right now. So I say bye to Giles and hang up the phone.

"Faith?" I whip my head around at the sound of my name. The guy with the black hat isn't sitting down anymore. No, he's standing about three feet away from me, which is a little too since I have my kids with me. I put a hand on Mattie's shoulder and he backs up a little bit. The guy smiles and shakes his head a little. "You don't recognize me, do you?" I tell him no and he laughs a little bit and takes the hate off. He has a full head of sandy brown hair and this is getting even more confusing. I'm surprised the kids are being dead quiet. Normally they'd be asking a million questions by now. "It's Little John, remember? Used to hang out with you guys 'til I got locked up in juvie for pickin pockets." And it all comes back to me. The memories of our whole group hanging out together in South Boston, and then makin our way to the richer side of the city and walkin the sidewalks and seein how many people we could rob without them knowing. Aw good times, gooood times.

"Little John?" I ask and he nods his head and smiles a little wider. I move Addy to my other hip so I can hold out my right hand and shake hands with Little John. There were about six of us in the group and he was one of the oldest but he was the smallest, even smaller then me and the other girl, Shannon. He got locked up for a month or two, he got out about three weeks before everyone sort of cut me off. I still don't know what the fuck happened, but after I slept with Billy and he blew me off it's like the whole group just decided not to hang out with me anymore. He looks both my kids up and down and gets another smile on his face.

"You had some kids after all, huh?" Then he looks at Mattie again. "Damn, how old were you when you got knocked up?" Ok, a little bit of confusion going on here. I never talked about having kids, ever. I never really wanted to have kids. Figured I screw 'em up the way my mom screwed me up. "Little-man is about, what? Eleven, twelve?" Mattie's still only nine, his birthday isn't until next month, he just looks older. We think it's a slayer thing, that he's developing faster because of his powers, but I don't want to get into any of that right now. I give John a questioning look and shift Addy around a little.

"Nah man, had my first when I was twenty-nine." Technically I did have her when I was twenty-nine. I turned thirty about two months after so it doesn't count. John gives me this look like I'm on crack or something. Thing with Little John is he always had a short temper. I hope he's outgrown that 'cause he used to get mad fuckin quick and I don't want my kids seein one of his fits. Mostly 'cause I'll have to put him in his place for mouthin off to me. See in the group me and Billy were kind of the unofficial leaders. If you talked shit to us you got beat down, so Little John got beat up a lot.

"Bullshit, Faith. Unless this kid is your cousin or something. This guy looks just like your old man." I've known John since I was five, and he lived down the street from me since I was six, so he knows what my dad looks like. And Mattie does look just like my dad. I just smile a little and shake my head. I put Addy down since I don't wanna hold her anymore and she instantly holds onto Mattie's hand. My kids are friendly but she's a little more cautious then Mattie is. Especially around men she doesn't know.

"Look, we were just leavin to go out for some lunch. If you're not busy you can tag along and I'll explain some things to you." Like me being a slayer and all of my kids being created because of magic. He gives me a weird look but agrees. I hold onto Mattie's hand and we walk out of the airport. He might not believe me at first but I'll take him out to a cemetery if I have to. He was always kinda out there with is thinking, had a pretty weird imagination so he'll probably believe me after a while. I just hope B doesn't call while I'm havin lunch with him 'cause she's definitely the jealous type.

BPOV

I've been here at the hospital since nine this morning. Faith said she'd watch the kids since everyone else wanted to come too. She also said she'd pick Xander up from the airport but I guess that isn't going to happen anymore since his flight got rerouted or whatever. Giles left a little while ago because he wanted to call in at the school and make sure that nobody died and everything else is going ok. Willow and Sky are still here though. I'm glad Willow's here, Dawn is like family to her and Dawnie needs as much support as she can get right now. But the fact that Sky is here is kind of bugging me. This is a family issue and as far as I'm concerned Sky isn't family. I've never even met her before. But I guess she and Willow are dating now, or might start dating, I'm still not sure, and I don't want to be rude by asking her to leave. And Dawn doesn't seem to mind, but she doesn't really seem to care about anything.

I've been here since nine, it's now two in the afternoon and my sister hasn't said a word to anyone. She acknowledged us when we walked in, waved and smiled a little but that's it. I asked her how she's doing and she shrugged, I asked her how the babies are doing and she hesitated for a few seconds before she shrugged. It's like she doesn't care. The babies have been in here for a while now and she hasn't touched them, hasn't talked to them or looked at them. She doesn't even want to feed them. If you ask me she's starting to resent her children. I think she's blaming them for everything that happened with Kyle. If you want my honest opinion I don't think it's safe to leave her alone with Nick and Alex. I'm not saying that she's going to do something to hurt them, but she might neglect them, and they could starve or something, especially if she has postpartum. You all remember how insane I got when I was postpartum, well add that with depression over your fiancé leaving you and that could be very dangerous for my little nephews.

I look over at Willow and she's motioning me to follow her. I look over at Dawn and she's starting to fall asleep. I give her a little kiss on her temple and carefully get out of the bed. I follow Willow and Sky out to the hall and they're making me a little nervous. Well, mostly Sky since she's acting a little nervous. And a nervous slayer is a dangerous slayer if you ask me. But I guess she's nervous because she doesn't like hospitals and I don't blame her. Being here for this long is starting to get to me a little bit. I'll be happy when Dawn and the twins are released and I can take them home with me and take care of all three of them. Ok, so I'm overprotective and mothering, so what?

"Buff, we're going to head back to the hotel and do a couple of spells to try and find Kyle. I think maybe if I can get a hold of him and talk to him a little bit maybe he'll come down here and see her. Maybe it'll cheer her up a little bit." But if he comes here to see her and doesn't want to get back together it could do more damage then good. Willow is smart enough to know that, and she won't bring him here unless she knows he won't break Dawn's heart even more. Or get his heart broken even more. He really did love Dawn, and for him to find out that his fiancé not only cheated on them, but that their children aren't really his...it must've been brutal finding that out, and it's probably still brutal trying to deal with it.

"Ok. I think Dawn should be left alone for a while. I appreciate you guys coming out here, but it might be a little too much," I tell them and Willow gives me an understanding nod. I give my best friend a hug and she hugs me back. "I'm going to need some 'Willow time' when I get back to the hotel. Are you two going to be busy?" I ask and make sure that voice sound a little naughty so she knows exactly what I mean by 'busy'. She pulls back from the hug and gives me an embarrassed smile and she blushes a little. Then she glances over at Sky with a devilish smile and gives my arm a little squeeze.

"Don't worry about it. Tonight we can leave Sky with Faith and the kids, and you and me can have a slumber party in my room. We can watch some horrible B list movies, eat raw cookie dough and talk about girls." I smile and roll my eyes a little bit. We exchange goodbyes and they leave. I watch them walk down the hall and sigh when they get on the elevator and out of sight. What am I supposed to say to Dawn? How am I supposed to make this easier for her? I mean, I can help her with the twins, that's no problem. But how do I help her move on from Kyle? Sure I've screwed up some relationships and gotten my heart broken in some big ways, but never like this. And I know that if Faith and I ever split after being together for this long...my only purpose in life would be taking care of my kids. And I'm seriously thinking that she's blaming the babies for what happened. So taking care of them isn't going to help.

I go back into the room and she's awake again. She's been drifting off and on for a while now. It's like she can't get to sleep even though her body wants to. She's lying on her side, facing away from Nick and Alex, staring straight ahead, and not moving a muscle, not making a sound. I wonder what she's thinking. What is going through that head of hers? Is she really blaming her children for what happened or am I completely wrong about that? I mean, she held them and talked to them a little the first night I got here when Faith woke Alex up. But I guess she hasn't held them since. Hasn't wanted anything to do with them after that night. It might be too much for her right now. Maybe after a little while she'll be able to deal with it a little more and get more involved and stop having the nurses do everything. I mean, she's getting released in two days, and if she leaves in the state she's in I really don't think the boys should be left alone with her. I honestly don't.

"Willow and Sky left?" Dawn asks and rolls over onto her back. She adjusts the bed so she's sitting up a little bit. I tell her yeah and she looks a little relieved. I don't really know why but she looks it and all I can do is keep my mouth shut because I don't want to upset her. But eventually I'm going to start asking questions because I'm Buffy, I never just don't ask questions. I sit down next to her and I'm not too sure what to do. This is the first time I've ever tired comforting my sister and I've had no idea what to do. And I think she's picking up on that because she's getting tense. She hasn't been tense all day. She's been...almost catatonic, but not tense. She starts to talk and she isn't looking at me, she's just staring at the ceiling and the sound of her voice...she sounds so lost.

"I know that everyone is just trying to help so I'm sorry for shutting you out," I go to say something but she just keeps talking. "But there's nothing you can do to help. Kyle left, and my babies were born so now I'm completely empty. I'm this empty shell of who I used to be, and I keep trying to figure out to go back to the way I was before, but I don't know how to do that. And there's all this pressure because everyone is just sitting around and waiting for me to say something, or move or cry some more, and I can't make myself do anything. I can't do anything but try and figure out the person I've become." Then her voice gets really low, to a very soft whisper. "I don't know who this person is." I have tears in my eyes and I'm trying to force them back. But she keeps going and it becomes impossible. "Where's Kyle? Why am I alone?" Her voice cracked on 'alone' and now I'm sobbing quietly as her eyes continue to look empty.

"Dawnie, you're not alone," I whisper because if I talk any louder my voice will crack and I'll start outwardly sobbing. I wrap my arms around her and she just sits there. It's almost like she doesn't know I'm here or something. But then she starts to respond. She leans against me, but not too much because she can't really move all that well with me practically strangling her. She starts to cry. It's very soft at first, just a few tears here and there, but it grows. It grows until she's sobbing so hard it's the only sound I can hear. I'm able to control myself and to make my crying stop because I need to be strong for her. She really needs me right now and she's going to need me for a while. I'm going to do everything I can to help her but I don't know if it's going to be enough. I don't know if there's anything I can do to make this better, and that thought is really scaring me right now. But I have to ignore it. I have to push my insecurities aside, because right now my sister needs me.

I don't know how much time has passed but Dawn cried herself to sleep…maybe an hour ago? And a nurse came and took the babies back to the nursery not long after that. Now I'm lying in this room, listening to all of the sounds outside of that door and holding my sister in my arms and trying to think of a way I can make this a little better. It's pointless because I can't. The only thing that's going to make her feel better is time. Lots and lots of time. I hope that everything works out for the best. Hopefully Kyle will come back and they can work things out and they become a family like they were supposed to. But I really don't think that's going to happen. I mean, she cheated on him and lied about it. Not only that but she let him believe that the babies she was carrying were his. She let him think that he was going to be a father, and that's beyond cruel. He waned to be a father more then anything and she took that away from him. I can't even imagine what he's going through right now.

I'm going to be here for Dawn, and I'm going to support her, but I can't pretend that I'm not mad at her a little for what she did. Ok, so not just a little mad. I am upset with her, but I can't let that show. And I'm not just mad at her, I'm mad at Michael too. They're both to blame, her a little more then him because she could have said no, but she didn't. I'm mad at Michael because Dawn told him that she is…I mean, was in a relationship and he still slept with her. Don't get me wrong I think he does deserve to know that these babies are his. I think he deserves to be a part of their lives and help take care of them. I think he should have the chance to be a dad and not just a sperm donor. But ultimately it's Dawn's decision, and if she doesn't want him in their lives then I can't go against her and tell Michael about them.

All I can do is help her any way I can and hope for the best. But I really don't think it's going to be enough. I mean, she can move close to us and I can help her take care of the boys. If she's too proud to ask Giles for money I can do that for her, if she needs some financial help. I can hold her when she cries, and be take care of the housework when things get overwhelming, but there's only so much I can do. I can be there for her in many different ways but it's just not the same as having your fiancé helping you. She loves Kyle with everything she is and now that's gone. I don't know if she's going to be ok, and that scares me. I don't know if she's going to be able to move on if Kyle doesn't want to reconcile. I just don't know, and I hate not knowing, especially when it comes to my family.

FPOV

"So this old friend of yours comes back and you what, tell him every last detail about our lives?" B asks and looks around at our surroundings a little more. The sun went down about half an hour ago and now we're patrolling. We still need to find that demon that's been rippin people apart. I just got done tellin her about my talk with Little John and she's not too happy about it, but you probably already guessed that. I didn't tell him every last detail about our fuckin lives. I just told him about slayers and all that shit, and how all the kids were made by magic. I didn't tell him about Mattie being an accident 'cause my boy was right there and I don't want him to know that. He was an accident but he was the best damn thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't regret anything about him. But still, if he finds out that we didn't plan on having him and we freaked out when we found out B was pregnant that could fuck him up for life.

"I didn't tell him every last detail of our lives, I just told him about us being slayers and how Willow summoned all the other slayers and the kids were made by magic and they're slayers too. What's the worst he can do, run to the cops and tell 'em what I said? They'll just think he's fuckin crazy." I have to try and keep my voice down because we are tracking a demon and we don't want it to know that we're out here. We might scare it off or something. That would fuckin suck 'cause I haven't had a good slay in a while and I get really worked up if I don't get a good slay in every once in a while. And it's not like B's gonna put out with the kids in the next room and the door that joins our rooms is open.

"Or they could believe him and think that we're crazy and take the kids away from us." Wow, I never thought about that before. "I've dealt with social services before, Faith, they take that kind of stuff serious. If they think there's something mentally wrong with us they'll take them away." She sounds really freaked out, but she needs to calm her ass down. All that shit isn't gonna happen. Johnny boy has always been afraid of me, and now is no fuckin different, especially now that he knows what I am.

"B, they're not going to do any of that shit. They'll take one look at his record and think that he's lying. He's been in and out of rehab since he was seventeen, they'll just think he was on drugs or something. No one is going to take them from us, you got that?" I stop walking and grab her by the arm and turn her so she's facing me. I can tell she's still freaking out and she doesn't want to believe me. "Buffy, no one is going to take them from us, I won't let them." I look her dead in the eyes and she sees how serious I am. I can see some of the wheels in her mind slow down a little.

"I know you won't. I'm just worried. Lets keep looking for this demon. I want to run by Dawn's and get everything set up. She gets to go home tomorrow." Yeah I heard about that. We're all pretty worried about it 'cause Dawn hasn't shown much interest in her kids. No one thinks she should be left alone with them. She's grieving and her hormones are all fucked up from giving birth, so she might hurt them and no even realize it. But what is really freaking B out is that Dawn might just ignore them, let them cry and cry they'll probably starve to death. So we're all going to be pitching in, two at a time. B and Red are taking the first shift, then Xander and Giles, then me and Sky. Oh the joy.

It's not that I don't like Sky, I just don't know her. And I don't want to have to make nice with her just because she's fucking Red. Ok, so there might be more going on, I've seen the looks that they give each other. But I don't want to have to be nice to her just because she's with Willow. But oh well. She's willing to help take care of the twins and she doesn't even know us so that gives her some brownie points, and Red does seem happier now that they've gotten together, so that's a couple more points. So that gives her what, seven? Two for each kid and then three for making Red happy. Lets just hope she doesn't lose any when we babysit together. Wait...what the fuck am I talking about? I really need a vacation away from family life. Talking about brownie points and all that shit. I never used to do that before.

God, is she still bitching at me? I haven't been paying any attention to her since we started walking again. I guess she got over the sorry bit 'cause she sounds pissed again. Wait...she isn't bitching about me talkin to John, she's bitching about the whole Dawn-Kyle-Michael situation. She's been very supportive of Dawn, and she's going to be for the rest of her life, but she's pissed that Dawn cheated on Kyle. Kyle was one of the best things to ever happen to Dawn, he loved her with everything he had, and she fucked it up by sleeping with the guy she dated in high school. But this whole situation is like a double edge sword, on the one side we're pissed because she cheated, and on the other side we're a little glad because if she didn't cheat then she wouldn't have had those adorable little babies, and we feel guilty that we're happy about it. See, double edge, both sides hurt.

"Shh, did you hear that?" I ask and Buffy instantly shuts up. We both freeze in place, and my ears are straining to hear more of the sound. Then I hear it, it sounds like bones breaking, or something. We slowly ease forward. I don't have to look at her to know exactly where she is thanks to our slayer connection. When we turn the corner we see it. A big, gray demon that's about six feet tall, and he's eating some guy on a park bench. I can hear the bones being crunched and munched from the chewing of that huge, strong lookin jaw. This is going to be so much fun, and no I'm not being sarcastic. "Think we can take it B?" My adrenaline is already starting to pump and I'm starting to get tunnel vision. This is what it's like when I slay, I see the demon and nothing else but the demon, and everything else just fades away. I've gotten a lot better over the years with the training with Giles and Buffy and all that, but still the want to just let my surroundings fade away is sometimes overwhelming.

"Yeah," she says but she's not really paying attention. She's going into 'predator mode', so talking to her is gonna be like talking to a wall. Well, I guess that's normal. We keep stalking this thing and it keeps eating that person. I can't even tell if it was a man or a woman. Guess it doesn't matter now. We try to go undetected but it doesn't really work out. As soon as we get within twenty feet of the thing it turns around and I almost scream that's how fuckin scary this thing is. And this is me we're talking about. I've seen plenty of scary shit in my life, but this motherfucker is fuckin scary. Its teeth aren't very big, but it's jaw looks so powerful that I don't want to go near it. But at the same time I want to fuckin rip that jaw off and mount it on the living room wall. He locks eyes with me, his are green and glowing bright and it's fuckin creepy.

I twirl my sword around, 'cause come on that looks totally badass. But all it does is piss this demon thing off. He takes a couple of steps towards us and Buffy tenses up a little. She isn't scared or anything, she's just trying to prepare herself for the fight. We've been slaying together for so long and we're so in tune that I know what she's going to do before she does it, and vise versa. It used to be a little weird but it's all good now 'cause I don't have to worry about her as much 'cause I know what she's going to do. If I know she's going to do something that's a little too risky I'll make sure to do something that'll fuck up the whole plan 'cause I don't want her getting hurt. I don't know why she can't feel me when I'm about to do something like that. I guess I subconsciously block her out so she can't feel our connection.

The demon still has its eyes on me, and it charges. All rational though leaves me all at once. All I can think about is killing it before it kills me. I don't know how yet, but decapitation usually works with amazing results.

The demon starts running at me so I charge at him. No way in hell I'm about to back down. I lift my sword off to the side so I can try to slice his ribs 'cause there's no way this thing is going down in just one hit. We'll have to injury him pretty bad before we take him down, that's how it usually works with big boys like these. When we get closer I realize a couple of things. One that this guy is way taller then six feet. He looked only about six feet from pretty far back, change six to about ten and that's how tall this guy is. Another thing that I saw on my run up to him is that yes this is a very big boy. What? I'm naturally curious I can't help but look. His skin looks a lot thicker then I thought it was going to be.

I try to stab him in the stomach and the tip of my sword breaks off. Fuck! I really liked this sword. It was one of my favorites. Ok, Faith, you have bigger things to worry about then your sword, the one that Buffy got you for Christmas a couple of years ago. Before I have time to react this thing grabs me by the neck and squeezes. Alright, breathing is becoming a huge problem. I feel my feet being lifted off the ground and I stay limp. The demon brings me closer to his face and the only thing I can think about right now is how much this is going to hurt. Ok, so I don't really know that this is going to hurt, I've never had my head bitten off before, so there might not be any pain. Wait…why is he sniffing me?

I kick him in the stomach and fuck! That hurt. I think I just broke my foot. I try to cry out in pain but I can't because my throat is currently being turned to mush. The demon sniffs my hair a little and gets a weird expression on his face. Well fuck you, buddy. My adrenaline is pumping, and I'm being choked to death, sorry if I'm sweating a little bit. I feel myself being pulled forward and I know just what he's going to do. You know I never really knew what it was like to be a baseball until just now. I scream as I watch the demon get smaller, and smaller as I get farther away. Then all the wind is knocked outta me as I hit what feels like a tree. Could be a tree, could be the side of a building, I'm not really sure at this point.

I fall to the ground and land with a loud thud. I feel blood on the back of my head and my vision is blurry for a few seconds. I close my eyes until the nauseous feeling goes away. I hear a scream and my eyes shoot open. The thing has a hold of Buffy. I jump to my feet and everything gets blurry again. Fuck, stood up too fast. I take a step forward and stumble a little. Damn, I guess I hurt my foot a lot worst then I thought. I see the demon sniffing her just like it did to me. Damn, he's going to throw her. I should've brought Sky with me dammit. I knew B wasn't ready for this. She hasn't been slaying since she had Joey, she should've gone through some training before trying to take on a demon like this.

Wait…he isn't throwing her like he did to me. He's carrying her away. Fuck! Even more adrenaline is pumped through my veins and I just start running. I can't feel any pain, I can't think of anything else but getting her out of the arms of that demon. I can tell that she's trying her best to get away. She isn't holding her weapon so that probably broke just like my sword. She's kicking and punching and trying to get out of his arms but he's just too strong. I grab onto his arm and he shakes me off like I'm nothing. I jump onto his back and wrap my arms around his thick neck. I put one hand on the side of his head and try to twist it so it'll snap, but he reaches back with one hand and grabs me by my back. He doesn't pay any attention to where he's looking when he throws me.

I scream as I fly through the air and I land on the ground. I slide a little ways and I feel the dirt being forced back with me. I take in a deep breath and jump up again. I start running towards the demon again and damn that fucker can throw 'cause I'm going to have to do some serious cardio if I'm going to catch up. It takes me a while but I do catch up. Buffy is still screaming but I don't think he's hurting her. He's holding her over his shoulder now, and his arm is wrapped around her waist. He might be hurting her but I really don't think he is. I grab onto her hand and pull as hard as I can. She doesn't budge but I'm not letting go. I'll let this fucker drag me to wherever he's taking her but I'm not going to leave her with him.

He stops too quick for me to react and I walk right into him. I take a step back without letting go of B's hand. No way in hell I'm letting go of her right now. Guess it really isn't up to me though, 'cause when this thing turns around the speed and force of it makes me let go. He glares at me and the vibe I'm getting off of him is like he's pissed at me for threatening his territory or something. Ok, what the fuck? He grabs onto my shoulder and his claws go into my shoulder blade, and I feel them slice through the bone like butter. I scream out in pain but my cry is ignored. He lifts me off the ground and I try not to scream again, but it's fuckin hard. He slams me up against the nearest tree but the only part that gets the full blow of the force is my left leg, and it snaps like a twig.

I hear Buffy scream and I can hear her trying to get away. Her fists and feet are pounding on the iron like skin of the demon, but it's no use. She won't stop fighting, because it's not in Buffy to just give up like that. The demon picks me up again and slams me back against the tree only he turns his arm so my stomach gets the full blow. All the wind is knocked out of me and I feel some blood in the back of my throat. Then he lets go and I fall to the ground. I try to get up but I can't. I try to make my legs work but they won't. All I can do is lie here and listen as that thing carries my wife away. She's still screaming, and kicking and hitting, I can't hear the last two but I know she is. She won't give up until he lets her go or kills her.

'Please, please just stop fighting.' Maybe if she stops fighting he won't kill her right away and she'll get a chance to run away. Just please lay low for a little while. My praying is hopeless even if she can hear me, and I know she can. If we concentrate hard enough we can communicate telepathically. I can't hear anything from her because she isn't trying. She's just focusing on getting away. 'Please, please stop. Please just lay low. Go along with it until you have the chance to get away. I won't be able to live if you don't. Please, please just stop for a while.' She's too far away now so I can't feel her through our slayer connection. I don't know if she can hear me or not and right now I don't have enough energy to keep it up. So I do the only thing I can do. I close my eyes and wait for my slayer healing to fix me up enough to get up the energy to send out another telepathic message. And hopefully it won't take a long time.


	48. Taken part 1

**The Same Night.** WPOV

Growing up I was never the kind of girl who would baby-sit somebody's kids and end up inviting my boyfriend, or in this case girlfriend, over and make-out with them instead of keeping and eye on the children. Before you judge let me tell you what happened. Buffy and Faith went patrolling for that demon that's been chewing up the locals so they asked me to baby-sit and I'm more then happy to. I love spending time with my little niece and nephew. I do love spending time with them, but sitting around while they're sleeping and waiting for Buffy and Faith to get back is not something I like to do. I get bored and normally I'll just read because Faith has a lot of romance novels at the house, but we're not at the house we're at the hotel and there's nothing here to read.

So when I showed up I ordered the kids some room service, and after they ate I gave them a bath, and then we watched a little bit of TV and they were in bed by ten. Buffy told me that their bedtime is nine but I'm the cool aunt that let's them stay up an hour later. After they went to bed I had nothing to do. There's not much on TV so I called Sky even though she's two doors down and I could have rushed over there really quick. I felt kind of bad because she was in her pajamas and getting ready for bed when I called. I told her that sometimes Buffy and Faith take a while when they patrol and not to wait up for me. I didn't tell her why they sometimes take so long because she doesn't need to know that. I don't need to know that but for some reason Faith thought I should know.

The whole thing started out very innocent. She came over and we decided to see if there was anything on TV. I ordered a movie that's ok, nothing very interesting but just enough to keep our attention. We sat on the couch together and we were sitting close but not touching. We haven't had 'the talk' yet and I don't know where we stand in terms of our relationship, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable. After about fifteen minutes she did the whole fake yawn thing, and draped her arm over my shoulders. I leaned against her and put my head on her shoulder because I wanted to do that the entire time I was sitting next to her. I was feeling a little affectionate so I turned and gave her a little kiss on the neck. After about ten minutes had passed I turned and gave her another kiss on the neck, only this one lasted a little longer and there was some use of my tongue.

I'll admit that I wanted to tease her a little bit. I've recently learned that Sky has a very sensitive neck and I wanted to use that to my advantage a little. I never thought that when I stopped kissing her neck she would pull me up so we'd be face to face, and start kissing me like she was an addict needing a fix. I really didn't think she would, but she did. When she kisses me like that I tend to lose some of my self-control. It didn't take her long to figure this out. I've always thought Sky was a very smart woman and she keeps proving me right. I'm not too sure how long we were like that, but I don't think it was too long before I started slowly pushing her backward. I still think it's a little strange that Sky likes it better on the bottom, what with her being a slayer and all that. I know from experience that they like to be in control, especially in the bedroom.

I gently massage my tongue with hers and then return to my own mouth. She likes it when I tease her a little. Her tongue follow mine and she gently explores my mouth, and I feel her fingers work their way into my hair. I cup one of her full breasts and the nipple instantly hardens against my palm. She moans into my mouth and her hips grind against mine but only a little. She knows as well as I do that we're not doing anything more then kissing, and some light above the clothes groping on this couch. I guess she doesn't know that since her thigh just slipped in between mine and firmly grinding against my hot core. Then I hear something, in very the back of my mind, some tiny little voice and it says "_Red?"_' I pull back from the kiss a little because it's hard to make-out with someone and be confused at the same time.

"Faith?" Oh shit, did I say that out loud? I think I did. No, wait, I know I did because Sky just pulled away from me, and her body is tensing up. She looks a little pissed and I don't blame her. I can tell she's trying to stay calm but it isn't working out too well. She lets out a winded 'what did you say?' and I have to rush to respond. "I thought I heard Faith's voice. I think she's trying to get a hold of me telepathically." She relaxes and then concentrates a little bit. I'm just glad she believes me. If she wasn't a witch I don't think she would. "She'd only do that if she was in trouble." I close my eyes and take in a deep breath and concentrate. This isn't too hard to do, all I have to do is connect myself to every slayer in the world and then focus solely on Faith. It's not as hard as it sounds and it only takes a minute or two.

_"Faith, what's wrong?"_ I ask with my mind. I can already tell she's not alright. She feels weak, and broken. That demon must've been too strong for them. Or maybe there were more of them. The vampires around here are still weak, and probably always will be weak. No vampire could have done this to her.

_"The demon, he's too strong. He got Buffy, and I can't move. I'm in the park, by the woods. Help Willow."_ The connection dies before I can respond. Don't worry, she isn't dead or else I wouldn't be able to feel her anymore. She's just unconscious. But we have to get to her soon because the vampires around here may be weak but they're still vampires and they'll take a free meal. And what better blood then an unconscious slayer? I open my eyes and start gasping for breath. I don't like connecting to all of the slayers like that, it always leaves me feeling like I was being smothered with a pillow or something. Sky starts rubbing my back and she's holding onto my hand. Ever since we got together she's been a lot more affectionate then she's ever been before. Ok, I think there's a lot more important things going on right now then the fact that Sky is affectionate.

"The demon was too strong for them. He took Buffy away and Faith hurt really bad. We need to get there, she's probably dieing." I jump up and rush for the door but Sky stops me. She has all that slayer strength which I never thought was annoying until just now. I do my best not to glare at her but it's hard. Faith might be dieing and who knows what that demon is going to do with Buffy, or could be doing to her right now. The look in her eyes calms me down a little bit. She looks empathetic but determined. She isn't going to let me leave, but she's going to come up with some other plan.

"We can't go alone. If that thing was able to bring down Faith and kidnap Buffy then we need more slayers." She's right. I can't let my emotions completely cloud my judgment. But the demon is gone, and it took Buffy. We need to save Faith, and then we can worry about finding the demon. I tell her that but she still doesn't look too happy about it. "I'm sure there are other slayers in this town. Even if they are just passing through. Can't you do your little head-trip and find out?" I nod my head and then concentrate. I don't really want to do this again but I don't have time to argue. Sky is one of the most stubborn women I've ever met, top that off with her having all that slayer stubbornness and winning an argument with her is damn near impossible. There are other slayers, three of them and they're patrolling near the park. So I send out a little message to them telling them to find Faith and bring her back here.

"There, are you happy now?" I aks and my tone is a very unpleasant one. But all she has to do is give me the puppy-dog eyes and I'm goo on the inside. I know what her real problem is, why she didn't want me to go out there and get Faith myself. She doesn't want me to get hurt. I'm not a slayer and I guess she thinks I can't protect myself. Yes going out there alone when there's a demon this strong on the loose, but I am the most powerful witch in pretty much the whole world, I can take care of myself. I killed that one demon a couple Thanksgivings ago and Buffy and Faith got their butts kicked by it. I'm not just little meek Willow anymore. I can hold my own in a fight against a vampire or a demon. I just choose not to. What, you think I like going out and getting all sweaty and getting my clothes dirty just to kill a couple of vampires? I'm not a slayer so I don't get that double H feeling like they do.

"You don't have to protect me all the time." My voice is soft now because I know this is a big issue for her. "I can take care of myself. If anything I should be worried about you. You don't have all the witchy powers that I do." I do worry about her every time she goes out on patrol. Just because there are a couple thousand slayers walking around today it doesn't mean they never die. I wrap my arms around her and rest my head on her shoulder. I think it's a little weird that we're so close. I mean, it's only been a week since we got together, and we haven't even had 'the talk' yet. But I guess none of that is really important right now since there's some loud knocking at our door. It's all three slayers, well four if you count the unconscious and dead looking Faith. At least I think it's Faith. She's so beat up that she doesn't even look like herself anymore. I step out of the way and the girls rush into the room.

"Put her on the couch, and be quiet." I force myself to stay calm because the kids are in the other room and if they wake up and see one of their moms like this it could traumatize them for life. I close the door and watch as they lay Faith down on the couch. I start looking at her a little closer then before. Her left leg looks broken in a couple of places. Her head was bleeding, I can tell because her hair is getting blood on the couch. Giles is not going to be happy about this cleaning bill. I kneel next to the couch and put my hands over Faith's chest. I can't heal her like I did when she crashed on her motorcycle. You can only do something like that to a person once. If I tried to heal her like that again it could kill her. So I can't do something like that. What I can do is give her slayer healing a little power boost, which is what I'm doing right now. It won't heal her completely, but it will get her out of the woods and hopefully she'll wake up.

BPOV

I can't believe this is actually happening. I mean, you fantasize, make plans, and start organizing everything, and then you hope for the best while almost having a heart attack the entire time but none of it seems real. The moment the music started playing I thought my heart had stopped. I wasn't even out of my dressing room yet and I had tears in my eyes. As soon as I walked out of the room I felt a little overwhelmed, but I stayed calm. Staying calm in overwhelming situations is just something I'm good at I guess. I felt like I was going to be sick by the time I reached Giles and put my head on his arm. But when I looked up and I saw Faith standing at the end of the isle the feeling went away and was replaced with a sense of calm.

I haven't really been paying attention to anything the minister is saying. All I can do is look into Faith's eyes as tears pour out of mine. I'm not blubbering, or sobbing, just...leaking. I know how gross that sounds but it's what I'm doing. My lips are quivering, there is no lump in my throat, no knot in my chest, just a steady stream of tears rolling down my cheeks. These are tears of joy, and Faith has them too. Only she has the whole quivering bottom lip thing going for her, and I think she looks so cute, and beautiful and perfect. She's perfect, and she's mine, and today that is going to be finalized. We're finally getting married. I think the minister just said we can exchange our vows now. I really need to start paying attention. Good thing Faith is going first because that lump is starting to form in my throat and I don't think I'm going to be able to talk.

"Buffy," she gets out but she has to stop. She dabs at her eyes and sniffles and I can't help but smile. So much for being the tough one in this relationship. I'm never going to let her live this down. Anyway, she clears her throat and starts again. "Buffy, all my life I've been dreaming for something better. To be someplace that's safe, where everything is simple and I don't have to worry about just getting by day to day." There's so much emotion in her voice, so much happiness it's making me want to start blubbering. "But now I can finally stop dreaming because I'm never going to find anything better then you and everything you've given me." Now seating Blubbering Idiot party of one, ah yes that would be me. I guess it's my turn to say my vows. The vows that I worked on for almost five months. It takes me about a minute to calm down, and I sniffle a little bit, and take in a deep breath.

I'm startled awake when I hear something break. It sounded like glass or something. I open my eyes and it takes them a few minutes to adjust to the dim light. Where the hell am I? This isn't my bed, or the hotel room bed. What happened? It takes a minute for it to all come back to me. The demon beat Faith up pretty bad, threw her into a tree, and when she wouldn't let up on him he finally started slamming her against a tree. I was screaming and freaking out the entire time, I tried to get away but the demon is just too strong. He walked for what seemed like hours, and I was fighting the entire time. After a while we stopped and he held me with my back to his chest and he put his large hand over my mouth and nose until I passed out from the lack of oxygen. I thought he was trying to kill me, I guess he just wanted me to shut up.

I'm pretty sure we're in some kind of cave. It's really small though, unless the demon has some sort of hidden door. I look around until I found what woke me up. The demon's standing at a table in the corner and he dropped a bowl or something and it shattered. Even though the cave or whatever this is, is small I'm pretty sure I can crawl passed him and out the entrance. I slowly move onto my hands and knees and very slowly start to crawl towards the way out. There's a flap covering it and that might be a little difficult to move without him hearing but I have to take the chance, I need to get out of here. Faith told me to lay low for a while, well I did and now I need to escape. Who knows what this thing wants with me? I might not get another shot at getting out. So I'm taking this one. I get about five feet away from where it put me and I'm shocked. Literally shocked with electricity.

I jump back a little bit and it's like there's some invisible wall all around the little area where the stupid demon put me. The wall shimmers a light blue color before it becomes invisible again. The demon turns around and looks at me. I guess it wasn't expecting me to wake up this soon. Unless he always has that surprised expression on his face. I'm trying to control my fear, and not let it control me. But I have to say being trapped in this little space like an animal isn't helping with the bringing of calm. I don't know why I'm still alive, I don't know why he hasn't eaten me yet. I mean, he ate all of those people in the park, that's why Faith and me were there in the first place. So why am I still alive? I guess I won't be getting my answer anytime soon because he turns back around and grabs another bowl.

I can't see what he's doing and I don't really care. I know I should care, I should be concentrating on everything that he's doing, but I can't. All I can think about is how beat up Faith was when that demon was carrying me off. All I can concentrate on is the empty feeling I got when I couldn't hear Faith in my mind anymore, when I couldn't feel our slayer connection anymore. I don't know if she's dead, or if she just passed out. All I know is that she was hurting so bad, and she needs help and I can't give it to her because I'm trapped here. I want to be asleep again, I want that demon to knock me out again so I can keep thinking about our wedding day when everything was so simple, and we were so happy. I want to think about our wedding night. Because I wanted it to be so special that I cut Faith off for a month before the wedding. I stopped making love with her because I wanted the next time to be so special. And it was, and she was crazy enough to put up with that.

She would do anything for me, we all know how Faith gets after slaying and she resisted. I'm sure she got herself off in the shower a few times, but I couldn't have asked her not to do that. If all of that pent up energy isn't released in someway things tend to get a little tense between us and I didn't want to act on that tension. Feeling her being so worked up tends to work me up and I know it would have ended in us making love, and I wanted to wait. But the point is, Faith would do anything for me, and I just left her there to die. I wasn't even strong enough to get away from this demon so I could help her, and now she's all alone, and really hurt and she needs help and there's no one who can get it for her because I'm here, trapped like a defenseless animal.

I'm concentrating now, but not on Faith anymore. No, now I'm trying to get a hole of Willow. If I can just send her a message telepathically then she'll know that Faith is in trouble and she needs to find her. But I think the demon has some sort of barrier around this place because I can feel my mind reaching out, but it's being blocked. Almost like there's a steel wall around my mind and nothing can get in, and nothing can get out. Now I really do feel alone. In situations like this I could easily contact Willow. She's become so powerful that as long as you concentrate hard enough she'll be able to hear you no matter where you are in the world. The farther away, the harder you have to concentrate, but we're in the same town so it doesn't take a lot of energy. But now that's been taken away, my safety net is gone and the fear is starting to rise up again. I try to force it down but it's getting harder. I'm completely on edge and I have no idea what I'm going to do. I have no idea how I'm going to get out of here.

I jump a little bit when I see the demon turn around. The bowl is in his hand and he's walking towards me. Well this can't be good. I back up as far as I can go but unfortunately that isn't very far what with there being a wall behind me and all. He just keeps getting closer and closer. I wonder if he has to shut down the invisible wall to get through. If he has to shut it down then I can try and distract him and then I can make a break for it. That little plan is shot down when all he has to do is keep walking. The wall is shocking him, I can hear it, I can see it, I can smell it but it isn't hurting him. I guess he has some pretty thick skin or something not to be affected by that. What is this thing? What does it want with me?

It kneels down about three feet away from me and I can feel my body start to panic. My mind is telling it not to but my muscles are tight like a spring, and they're waiting to be released. It puts the bowl down next to its foot and I glance inside. It's filled with some kind of liquid. I have no idea wha it is or what the demon is going to do with it, and I don't really want to know. I see the demon reaching out for me and I try to back up some more but I'm up against a wall so there's nowhere to go. But I don't just sit here and take it. I struggle, I kick, I punch but nothing is working. He's just too strong, his skin is too hard and I think I broke a couple of bones in my right hand. I don't stop fight. I'm not fighting as much as I was a few seconds ago but I'm still struggling. I'm not going to just sit here and let it do whatever the fuck it wants me to.

But I guess it doesn't matter what I want or how hard I fight because he's so much stronger then I am. He scoots closer to me and now I have nowhere to go. I'm stuck against this little part of the wall and there's nothing I can do about it. He reaches out with one hand and pries my mouth open. What the fuck is he doing? I fight all I can but it isn't working, and if I try to fight any harder my neck could snap, so I force myself to calm down a little bit. He uses his free hand to bring the bowl up to my mouth. I have to drink that stuff? What is it? Is it poison? He dragged me all the way back here just to poison me? No, this is for something else. If he wanted to me kill me he would have done it in the woods.

The liquid is warm, and a little sticky, and before I have a chance to spit it out he closes my mouth and then plugs my nose. The only thing I can hear is the sound of my heartbeat pounding in my ears. I'm going to hold my breath for as long as I can. Maybe the demon will get impatient and let go of me? No such luck. It feels like I've been holding my breath for hours. Everything is getting a little blurry and even though I don't want to I swallow, and the second all of the liquid is done my throat he lets me go and takes a few steps back. I can hear the electric force field thing shocking him as he leaves my little prison.

I'm dropped down on all fours breathing heavy and coughing. That stuff, whatever it was, did not taste good, and it burned a little going down. I hope he doesn't do that again because it fucking sucked. I try purging it up but it must be some type of magical liquid because no matter how far I shove my fingers down my throat it won't come back up. So now I guess the only thing for me to do is sit here in terror and wait to see what that stuff does. If it is poison I hope it isn't painful, and I hope it's quick. I don't want to go through a slow and painful death. But I think I would rather do that then have my worst fear come true. I really hope that whatever he made me swallow doesn't turn me into some kind of demon. I don't want to be a demon, I want to be me. Sure my life does kind of suck right now, but it's getting better. I just want to go home and be with my family. But I guess that's too much to ask since there's no way of getting passed that stupid barrier. I hope Faith's ok. If I do make it out of here alive, and she isn't I don't think I'll survive the sadness.


	49. Taken part 2

**The Same Night.** FPOV

They're keeping something from me, I know they are. I may be a lot of things but stupid isn't one of them. I know when someone isn't telling me something that I should know. Ok, so maybe I have been tricked in the past what with the whole Angel pretending to lose his soul and tricking me into believing he was working for me, but I'm different now, and Red is just really easy to read. Both her and Giles. They've been researching for the last couple of hours. After my slayer healing did enough to keep me conscious I told Willow what the demon looked like, how strong it was, and that it was male. I even drew her a little picture, nothing too detailed because my arms feel like they're gonna fall off but it was good enough for them to find the thing. But now they're not telling me something and I really wish they'd knock it the fuck off.

"Mama?" I jump a little at the whispered voice. I wasn't expecting it, and I really wish she'd just go back to bed. She shouldn't see me like this, she shouldn't have to be around all of this tension. This is exactly why me and B can't move to Ohio and help run the slayer school because our kids would suffer too much because of it. I try to roll over onto my side but the pain in my leg forces me to stay on my back. I do look at her though, and she looks so small. She looks scared too, like she wants to run away, run back to bed and hide under the covers and pretend like she never saw me like this. At least that's what I want to do right now. Hide under the covers and pretend like all of this isn't happening. Like my wife isn't in the hands of some scary ass demon. Like I almost didn't die in the line of duty.

"Hey baby," I whisper and she inches a little closer. "What are you doin up? It's way passed your bedtime." She looks down at her little bare feet but then she looks up at me with a little pout on her face. I don't think she's ever looked more like Buffy then she does right now. And the sight is completely breaking my heart. I get tears in my eyes, and I blink them back. Crying isn't going to do me any good. Finding out what the fuck is going on will do me some good. I need a solution to this fucked up problem. I need to know how to make it better. She inches a little closer to me and she still looks scared as hell. It's making feel even more helpless then I was a couple minutes ago. My wife was taken by a demon and there's nothing I can do about it, and I'm the reason my baby girl is scared. Yeah, I feel really peachy right now.

"Mama, what hurt you?" her voice is so soft, like she thinks if she talks too loud it'll hurt me more. My eyes tear up a little more but I hold them back. The last thing she needs right now is seeing me break down. That'll probably scar her for life or something. Then again, she's only three so I'm sure she won't be able to remember any of this when she's older. Here's hopin. I sigh a little bit and she keeps inching towards me. I don't want to tell her the truth. I don't want to tell her that a demon did this because I'm afraid that she'll panic every time me and B go patrolling after this. That until she forgets all this ever happened, she'll remember the time she saw her mama lying in a bed beat to hell and she'll freak out thinking it'll happen again. But I can't lie to her. I can downplay the fuck out of it but I can't lie.

"A demon, baby. I big, bad demon did. I'm gonna be ok. See?" I sit up a little bit and force myself not to wince because of the pain. She steps a little closer and now she's about a foot away from the bed. I reach my hand out and she just looks at it. She has this strange expression on her face, like she's never seen a hand before. It makes me smile a very small and short lived smile. When she slowly reaches for my hand I expect her to hold onto it, so I can wrap my fingers around her tiny hand and pull her a little closer to me. But she doesn't do that.

She gently grips onto my thumb and slowly turns my hand over so she can see the back of it. It's swollen and bruised and there's some dried blood where the cut was. She slowly traces all of the bumps and the bruises with the tips of her fingers, very softly, not causing pain but not lessening the pain already there. If she wasn't only three feet tall, had brown curly hair, and light brown eyes then I'd swear she was Buffy. The expression on her face, the gentleness of her touch...it all just screams Buffy and I don't know if I can handle that right now. But right now isn't about me, it's about her and making sure she isn't scared, or panicked or worrying. Because she's just a kid, her biggest concern should be figuring out how to con me into giving her some chocolate.

I feel something that I've never felt before, at least not regarding my children. I feel guilty. Guilty for having them. Guilty for brining them into this world, guilty for being one of their mothers. I feel guilty because I know this isn't going to be the last time one of us gets hurt. We're slayers, it's our job to hunt down the demons and vampires and make sure that the world stays safe. It's our job to not live in ignorance to all of the evil in this world. And we brought children into that. Innocent children, and instead of worrying how to con me into giving her some chocolate or letting her stay up with me, or letting her watch TV at this late hour, she's worrying about a demon who beat me to a bloody pulp. And she knows that Buffy isn't here, because she knows that if Buffy were here she'd be at my side taking care of me. She's slowly figuring it out. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head as she connects all the dots. I want to keep her from talking, I want to stop her from asking the question that I know she's going to ask. But I can't because I can't lie to her.

"Did the demon hurt Mommy?" Ok, wasn't expecting that. I want to lie to her. I want to tell her that no the demon didn't hurt Mommy, that Mommy had to go see aunt Dawn but she'll be back later. I want to tell her that everything is ok, that my slayer healing will make me all better and we don't have anything to worry about. I want her to stay in the dark. I don't want her to be in the know. I don't want her to know that the demon took Buffy, and that she might not come back. I don't want her to know that her once happy family might be broken forever. Because in the dark there might be fear, and she's feeling it right now. I can see it in her eyes that she's afraid. But in the dark there's also hope. I don't want to be the one to rip that from her. I don't want to be the one that takes away that shred of hope. I come up with something to say. Not a lie but not the whole truth. I look into her eyes and she starts to tear up because I've been quiet for a lot longer then I should have been. I take in a little breath and open my mouth.

"Faith I need to- Addison, what are you doing up?" Thank God! Saved by the redhead. I may not be able to lie to my little girl, but Red can. Dishing out little lies to instill hope is just what the Scoobies do. How many times in the past have they said something to Dawn to try and make her believe that everything would be ok even though the situation seemed completely hopeless? Don't worry, I'll wait. I watch Red take control of the situation. She tells Addy that she needs to talk to me about some grown up stuff and Addy fights her at first but I give her a little stern look and she lets Willow usher her back to bed. She doesn't worry about me getting offended that she's telling my baby what to do. She saw the desperate look in my eyes when she walked into the room when I was about to tell Addy that the demon didn't hurt Mommy, but Mommy is still trying to fight it. What? That isn't a total lie. Buffy won't give up fighting until she's tied up, knocked unconscious, or killed.

Now that Addy is gone and I don't have anything else to focus my mind on, it's right back to where it was before, and again I know that I'm being kept in the dark. As a human I want to be kept in the dark because that's where the hope is. But as a slayer I need to be in the know. I have to know everything about a situation no matter how bad it is so I can help find a solution. But the human side of me is screaming to be left in the dark on this one. My slayer side is stronger. It's always stronger. I have to know what's going on. I have to do know they're keeping from me. Even if all my hope for getting Buffy back alive is shattered. I have to know because I can't stand not knowing. It hurts more then the shattered leg, and the internal bleeding, and the broken hands, and the broken ankle, and the sore neck and all of the other physical injuries the demon inflicted on me.

I hear Willow talking to Giles. I can't hear what they're saying because they're whispering and my slayer hearing isn't that good. I have a feeling it's about me though. Or what they're going to say to me when they come in here. I hate that I can't just walk in there and demand that they tell me. I hate that I have to lay here like some fuckin loser and wait for them to come to me. I abso-fucking-lutely hate this. There's nothing I can do about it and I hate that there's nothing I can do about it. So I sit here in the dark, literally. The only light in the room is the light shining in from the other room. I don't want the lights on in here because my head still hurts from getting slammed up against a tree really fucking hard. I hear Giles raise his voice a little bit and it surprises me, but at the same time it doesn't. Over the years he's been like a dad to me, and I guess he's just trying to protect me from whatever knowledge they have. But I guess Red won the argument because here she is standing at the door looking worried.

"We need to talk," she says and I nod my head. She sits down at the foot of the bed, a book in her hand and she rests it on her lap. It's opened to a certain page, the one on the right side has been dog eared and it makes me wonder if that's the thing that Giles got pissed about. He really cares about those books. The tension that builds in the room is almost tangible. I open my mouth to speak but she interrupts. "The demon that you fought is called a Ferreus demon. It's Latin, it means 'made of iron'. It's skin is like an exoskeleton, it takes a lot to injure it with force. You're lucky to be alive." Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just tell me about Buffy. I just I thought that loud enough because she sighs, like she read my mind or something. The look on her face is not a happy one.

"And here's where the luck runs out." She pauses and it's pissing me off because I know this is the part that they were fighting about. This is the part about Buffy. "This explanation is going to sound pointless but it's important." I try not to sigh too heavy. This sounds like it could be long and I just want to know where the fuck my wife is. "A Ferreus demon is not only tough on the outside but it's genetics are also very strong." And I need to know this because...? "It doesn't matter what else they...breed with, the offspring always comes out one hundred percent Ferreus demon. And for some reason, because of that all of the offspring are born male. When these demons go in search of a...mate they find something that is strong enough to carry one of their offspring, something that can take the physical stress of it." I'm getting a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, almost like my insides are rotting.

"They also need something with a flexible womb because the babies grow very large very fast." I am not liking this at all. She sighs and shifts around on the bed a little bit. She won't meet my intense gaze. She refuses to look up from the bedspread. "Because Buffy is a slayer her body can take the stress of carrying one of these things. And because she's carried two babies, one of them pretty recently, her womb is flexible enough to hold one of these things." I see the tear force its way out of her eye, and then snake its way down her cheek, and finally it reaches her chin. It rests on the end of it for a few seconds and falls. It lands on the bedspread and darkens the fabric with it's wetness. I'm focusing so much on that tear so I don't have to focus on what she just told me. But now that the tear has been absorbed by the comforter there's nothing else to focus on but this ugly truth.

"So that thing carried her off, took her back to some secret layer and is raping her right now?" I have to ask. It would have been wrong not to ask. My voice is nothing but venom. Nothing but anger and hatred and I so need to hit something right now. I need to get this out before it kills me, gives me a heart attack or something. Willow looks up at me so fast that if I didn't have slayer eyesight I wouldn't have seen her head move. Her eyes are wide and she's shaking her head back and forth. She also looks a little guilty for not explaining something. I guess there is some silver lining to this horrible, black cloud.

"No, no it's not raping her. See, there's steps that need to be taken, rituals that need to be performed to make her body ready. The first thing it's going to do is force her to swallow a tonic, the book didn't list the ingredients." Like I care. "But it does say that the tonic is a very powerful aphrodisiac. It has to make her body want sexual intercourse or the other rituals won't work." So not only has this thing taken my wife away from me, but it's going to make her want to fuck it? I almost want to laugh that sounds so ridiculous. Buffy would never fuck some evil demon. At least not again. And this thing isn't even a vampire with bleach blonde hair, and a stupid accent. So we should be safe. I ask Red how long the other rituals will take. From what she's said this thing won't touch her until all those are done.

"It doesn't specify exactly how long each of them take, but my best guess is five hours. It just depends on when it made her drink the tonic, because it has to wait three hours for that to set in before it can start the others. So, that's eight hours. But we don't know if it's given her the tonic yet. We don't even know if they've reached the demon's layer or not. It could be starting on the first ritual right now." Her face drops a little bit, so I ask the question that she doesn't want to answer. But she does because she knows I hate being left in the dark. Even though at this point I really wish I was still there. "It has to brand her with the mark." She holds up the book so I can see. It's almost like a three d triangle or something. "It uses a needle and some homemade ink, and it'll tie her down so it can tattoo it on her lower back." Damn, she's gonna be pissed about that. I can almost see the angry look on her face. It makes me want to smile, but I don't.

"Find her," I say, and I don't recognize my own voice that's how much anger is in it. I don't think I've ever been this fucking angry. Ever. "Call as many slayers as you can to make a search party, do a spell, get back into the dark shit if you have to. Just find her!" I scream and I think my voice box just snapped. My throat hurts so bad from all the screaming I've done tonight. Red jumps off the bed and leaves the room. I guess she's taking my words to heart because I just heard her give Sky the job of hunting down as many slayers as she can. I guess Red is going to keep herself busy working on a spell. I heard her talking to Giles earlier about a locator spell. She tried, it failed. Something about a magical cloak that she can't get passed.

But I don't give a fuck about any of that. They are going to find her before that thing lays a hand on her. I don't care how many people I have to kill to get her back, how many demons I have to torture to find the location of that thing's home. We will get her back. And even after all that Red just told me, all of the hope that she ripped away from me, I still have a feeling like they're keeping something from me. Like the rituals and the raping is just the half of it. But I'm letting my human side win for a change. I want to be left in the dark on this for just a little longer. Because I don't think I could handle any more bad news right now.


	50. Taken part 3

**The Same Night.** BPOV

Everything just seems so different. I know that everything is pretty much the same, but everything feels different since we made our way back down that isle together. Ever since the minister announced that we're now wife and wife everything feels different. Kissing Faith just seems…a lot more intense then it used to. Maybe my mind is just playing with me because our wedding day was a very emotional day. It doesn't matter though. Kissing her is more intense and that's just fine because it makes it seem like the world stops for us. Our lips connect and the world stops spinning. I know that doesn't really happen because that would mess a whole lot of things up, but to me that's just the way it feels.

This is the first time we've left our room since we got here. I want to spend every second of my time with Faith, but then she said 'how many times are we going to get to come to Hawaii by ourselves? Might as well spend as much time soaking up the sun as we can.' But I don't want to 'soak up the sun'. I want to be alone with her in our room just relaxing together in that giant bed, or making love. Either one is fine with me. All of our relaxing has led straight to that anyway. We'll be in bed fully clothed, watching TV or just listening to the ocean, and then she'll kiss me or I'll kiss her, and then one kiss leads to another and before we really know it we're making out like a couple of teenagers. And then one of us will start to get naked, and take the other's clothes off and then we'll make hot, passionate love for a while and then sleep.

And we could be doing that right now but Faith wants to relax on the beach. I think I wore her out. Poor baby. I wanted our wedding night to be special. I wanted us making love to feel like it was our first time. So about a month and a half before the wedding I cut her off. And I mean I completely cut her off. No sex of any kind, no kissing, no touching, nothing. I know she that 'scratched her itch' in the shower. There's no way in hell I could have asked her not to do that, she probably would have spontaneously combusted or something. My point is, she isn't used to getting this much sex, and I think she wanted to come down to the beach to have a little break. I'll admit that we have been going a little overboard with the hot lovin, but this is our honeymoon, that's the whole point. Get in as much sex as you can before you stop having it all together. But that's never going to happen. The way she is after slaying it's safe to say that our sex life is never going to die out.

"Look out!" I hear someone scream, and about two seconds later I feel something hard hit my ankle. I turn around really quick to see what happened. I'm a little irritated that someone disturbed my peaceful relaxation but I can't be too mad. I mean, it's not this guys' fault the frisbee got away and hit my ankle. I didn't even hurt, just surprised me a little. I watch as the guy jogs over to us and I have to say he is a hottie. If I was single I'd definitely be interested. He's wearing nothing but his swim shorts, and his body is tan, and muscular and he's a little sweaty because of the hot sun, and if I was single I'd be having fantasies of taking a shower together and washing off all that sweat and then building up some more while he presses me against the wall and takes me right there. If I was single I'd definitely be having those thoughts.

"Hey, sorry about that. My friend isn't so great at the aiming aspect of frisbee." I tell him that it's ok, no harm no foul. I hand him the frisbee but he doesn't leave. I can feel his eyes checking me out a little bit and out of the corner of my eye I see Faith prop herself up on her elbows. She lifts her sunglasses a little bit and raises an eyebrow. This isn't going to be pretty. But before she gets a chance to talk frisbee guy opens his mouth. "I'm Jeremy, my friend Mark and I are going to a party a little later on, and I was wondering if you two wanted to go." I smile a polite smile and jump in before Faith can say anything because I know she's going to be rude.

"Well Jeremy it's nice of you ask, we appreciate it," I shoot Faith a little glare and she just rolls her eyes and puts her glasses back down. "But we're here on our honeymoon, and we just want to spend some time together." It takes him about a minutes to process all of that and he says a little apology and tells us to go to the party anyway, and gives me the address. Then he goes back over to his friend and I just smile at Faith. I am a little insecure about my age, so when hot young guys ask me out it makes me feel pretty good. From the little scowl on Faith's face I'd say she's thinking otherwise. "Oh, come on baby, he didn't mean anything by it. He didn't know we're married." I crawl over to her and place a couple of kisses on her neck.

"You could've said something when his eyes were all over you. I thought he was gonna mount you right here." I giggle a little bit and tell her that she's the only one I want, the only one I love. I seal it with a kiss that started out innocent. I love the taste of her lips, and they're so damn soft. I never want to stop kissing her. But we do break apart when we here the whoops and hollers from some of the other beach goers. There are some people who are giving us some disapproving looks, and even though they think we're disgusting they won't stop staring. I hold onto her hand and interlock my fingers with hers. "Hey baby, why don't we go back to the hotel? Spend some of that time together all by ourselves?" She's up faster then I thought she could move and it makes me laugh. We pack up our stuff and head back to the room for another afternoon of doing nothing but having hot, and passion sex, and then relaxing together.

I don't know why I'm thinking about that now. I don't want to be thinking about my honeymoon while I'm trapped in this prison. I don't know if the effects from slaying, or that nasty liquid that the demon forced down my throat, but my body is reacting in all sorts of horrible ways. Being trapped here it feels like time is frozen, but I know it's not. I know that the minutes are ticking away because the longer I sit here, the more turned on I'm getting. It has to be something that the demon did. Even the second part of the double H rule wouldn't be this intense if there wasn't some type of outside influence. I don't understand why the demon would want to do this. No matter how turned on I get I'm not going to give in to it. I'd never, ever do that, for multiple reasons.

The most obvious reason is because this is an evil demon. I'm not into that kind of stuff anymore. I slept with Spike because I needed something at the time that only he could give me. I don't need or want that anymore. Plus, I'd never cheat on Faith. In any way, shape, or form. Giving in to this demon of my own free will would be cheating, and I'd never do that. Even if we weren't married I'd never cheat on her. Besides if I slept with this demon then I'd just be going along with whatever evil plan he has up his sleeve, and I'm a slayer, I don't help evil I stop it. At the moment I can't really stop anything, but that's not the point.

Now, if we look passed all of the emotional reasons why I wouldn't touch this thing, if we strip away the fact that I love Faith, and this thing is evil, there's one other reason why I wouldn't touch it. No matter how much I argue with all of my friends, I am small. Just little Buffy, five foot two inches tall, and I weight around a hundred and five pounds. This demon is over six foot, and I can't guess how much he weights, but it's way more then me. His…anatomy is larger then any of the guys I've been with, and the toys that Faith and I have at home. So it's pretty safe to say that if thing does decide to force itself on me I'd rip in all kinds of horrible, painful ways. So there's no way I'm going to give in to this thing no matter how much my body wants it. Not only because I'm in love with someone and because this thing is evil, but because it would hurt.

I pull myself from all of those thoughts when I see the demon move. He's been sitting at that table for a while now, mixing things into another bowl. I have no idea with he's doing, if he's going to make me drink that stuff or not but it doesn't matter. I'll fight him again if he tries even if it seems hopeless. I watch him carefully as he takes everything off of the table and puts it on the floor. He moves the table to the center of the room and then goes over to a chest that's against the back wall. He pulls out a pair of…they look kind of like handcuffs but different. Shackles, maybe? I'm not entirely sure. He has four pairs of them and already I'm getting a sinking feeling in my stomach. I watch as he walks over to the table and on each leg he fastens one fair of shackles, and now I know exactly what he's going to do. He's going to tie me down, one shackle on each wrist and ankle.

I try not to cower away from him when he walks over to my little prison but it's impossible. He's so big, so strong, and again I know what it feels like to be normal. When I turned eighteen and Giles gave me that drug that made me helpless I hated the feeling, of not having my slayer strength, of not being able to protect myself. And I feel like that now, helpless, hopeless, like a normal girl. I watch as he leans down and picks up a rock, a white crystaly thing. The electric shield lights up like it did before, only there's a low hum, and then it's gone. He puts the rock in a different spot then where it was before. Without even thinking I spring forward. I dash around him and run for the exit. I'm almost there, three feet away when I feel my hair being pulled. Why did I have to wear a ponytail?

I kick, and scream, and fight with all of the strength that I can find, but it isn't enough. My muscles don't want to work, all of them are screaming at me to just give up. But I won't. Even if it is pointless or hopeless I have to keep fighting. I can't just sit back and let this thing have its way with me. It picks me up around the waist and my skin is on fire in a horrible way. I think I'd rather it be on fire in the literal way. I'm not supposed to be feeling like this with anything but Faith. Only Faith should be able to light my skin on fire like this. It takes me over to the table and holds me down. But I'm not on my back like I thought I'd be. I'm on my stomach and he's shackling my wrists to the table. It's an awkward position that my arms aren't used to and my shoulders are already hurting.

I try pulling on the restrains but they're too strong, and it feels like my skin just tore. I scream as he puts his hand on the back of my knee and forces my leg to stay still. My other leg is trying to kick his hand away but it isn't working. I'm starting to panic, there's no way I can deny it at this point. I'm struggling, and screaming, and basically freaking out, but none of it matters to him. I feel the restraint snap around my ankle and it feels like my fait has just been sealed. It's a horrible feeling, that's sinking right down to my soul. When he gets my second leg locked in the shackle I stop moving. It's just so hopeless that I can't force myself to keep fighting. I flinch when I feel him take my shoes off. What the hell is he doing? I struggle a little he slowly slides my socks off. There isn't much room for me to move around and it's making the struggling thing really hard.

I shiver when the cool air hits my now bare feet. I shiver even more when I feel the demon touch the small of my back. I try to force myself to struggle when I feel him start to lift my shirt up. My muscles are so tired though, they want to give up and at this point I don't have any inner strength left to force them. All I can concentrate on right now is the hot, burning sensation in my pants. I'm getting so damn wet I can feel it on my thighs and spilling forward onto my mound. I have to force my hips to stay still, otherwise I'd be rubbing myself against the seam of my jeans, trying to find some type of friction. I moan when I feel my pants move a little bit and the seam does rub against me a little. I scream when I feel something, like a needle, yeah definitely feels like a needle, hit my skin. I keep screaming because it keeps happening, and I can hear a little smacking sound, of metal against metal.

I don't know how long it lasts. Could have been twenty minutes, could have been twenty hours, but the point is it's finally stopped. I let out a little sigh of relief and watch as he walks over to a different table and sets down whatever it was he was holding. And I was right about the needle part. It's huge. The part that was hitting against me is small, like a normal needle, but the shaft is a lot bigger. And you want to know what was making that sound? A hammer. That's right, this big demon thing put that needle against my skin and then used a hammer to make it mark me. I wonder what he made? Because I don't think it's going to go away. I see him pick up a bowl and he walks back over to the table I'm tied to. I feel his hand on me again and it makes me moan against my will. I'm only moaning because he's rubbing something cool against my skin, and we all know how much my body loves the cold.

I hear him make a grunting noise and it disgusts me. I'm not completely disgusted with the demon, I mean after all he is a boy demon and it doesn't really matter the species, if a male hears a female moaning, and groaning and wanting to be taken they're going to react. I'm disgusted with myself a little bit. I'm disgusted because I can't force my body to turn off. I can't make the throbbing between my legs go away. I can't force myself not to moan, and groan and want something hard, and long inside of me. Fucking me until I scream and then fucking me some more. I want Faith, and all I can think about is her. Her wearing the strap on and me straddling her, riding her so hard and fast, squeezing her tits and pinching her nipples hard enough to make her wince, and then kissing the pain away.

Then pulling off of her and straddling her face. Feeling her soft tongue deep inside of me, rubbing in all the right places, and then feel the vibrations when she hums. Just thinking about all that, thinking about fucking Faith makes me come. I moan and arch my back a little and I feel the orgasm gush out of me. I feel so ashamed but at least I'm not as on edge as before. Now at least I'll be able to sit still. I freeze when I feel my shackles being released. First on my legs, then on my hands. I try to punch the demon, and then swing around and kick him, but he already has a hold of me so I can't move. I try to struggle but he squeezes my arm and it hurts so fucking bad, so I stop moving.

I watch as he grabs onto the front of my shirt. I feel him pull it, feel the material strain against my back until it finally gives, and most of my torso is exposed to him. Thank God I decided to put on a bra. I feel him pull me up and I start kicking but it doesn't do any good. He breaks the button and zipper of my jeans, and then rips them off me and now all I'm wearing is my underwear. He tosses back over to the little area I was in earlier. He stomps over to the rock and puts it back in place. The electric shield glows and hums, and then it disappears. But I know it's still working, I can feel the charge flowing through the air, and I know better then to touch it. I reach and touch my skin where the needle was. It's swollen and it hurts and it's bleeding, but I can feel my slayer healing taking care of it already. I'm smart enough to know that it isn't going to go away. Not completely. The swelling will go down and the bleeding will stop, but the brand will still be there.

Why is he doing this? Why did he expose me like this? Why did he mark me? I don't know, and I have no way of finding out. It's just all so overwhelming. I want Faith to come and save me. To take me away from this place, to take me home. I want to be with my family, I want to hug my kids and then have Faith wrap her protective arms around me. I want to feel safe again, I don't feel safe at all right now. And the worst part about all of this is I'm getting turned on again. My body is starting to heat up, my clit is starting to throb, and there's nothing I can do about it. I just want Faith to come and save me, to kill the demon, to take me out of here, and then fuck me, long and hard and fast. That's what I want, but I highly doubt that's going to happen. I just hope someone found her in time. I hope she's ok and not still lying at the edge of the woods bleeding to death. I wish I could get out of here and make sure she's ok. I just want to get out of here.


	51. Calling In The Troops part 1

**Three Hours Later.** CPOV

"Oh baby, yeah that's it. Just a little harder," I moan like a porn star, and dig my finely manicured nails into Kennedy's strong back. She's a slayer she can handle it. My words spur her on, and she starts thrusting harder into me. I think it's a little annoying that after all this time together she's still afraid of hurting me if she's a little rough. Now I'm not the kind of girl who likes pain with her pleasure, but I don't like being gentle all the time. Being gentle is for when there's some deeper emotion behind it, like when you spend a romantic evening together and you want to use your body as a tool to show the other person just how much you love them. Gentle and loving have nothing to do with what I'm feeling right now. This is more animalistic. She brings that out in me a lot, the desire to be taken and fucked really hard. "Oh God, oh God, oh God!" It's all I can say. My mind is too clouded with this feeling of pleasure to think of anything else to say.

"No, I'm not God, but thanks for the compliment." Even in bed she's a smart ass, but I let her get away with it because she makes me feel so good. Every one of my nerve endings is on fire, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. All I can hear is our heavy breathing, and the rhythmic thump, thump, thump of our hips slamming together. I feel her hot breath against my ear as she gently kisses the shell and then sucks on the lobe. "So you want it rough?" Her voice is husky and I almost don't recognize it. I can't say anything so I just nod my head. "Ok babe, if you think you can handle it." Then I feel her start to thrust into me harder then she ever has before. My pussy is going to be so sore tomorrow, but it's going to be so worth it. I have to concentrate to keep up with her, and I almost want to tell her to slow down, but I don't. But I do want to scream, not in pleasure but in frustration when her cell phone rings.

"Don't you dare answer that!" I yell out and moan when the strap on presses against my g-spot. I feel her start to slow down a little bit and I want to yell out in frustration. I interlock my legs around her back to prevent her from getting up. It won't do anything good, she's a slayer after all, and I'm just a seer. It's not like there's much I can do to stop her if she wants to get up. She doesn't get up, she just stops. The strap on is still deep inside me, all ten inches of it, and she's just breathing against my neck as the phone continue to rings. This doesn't happen a lot, but just enough to be a nuisance. Why can't evil wait until morning to cause problems? Why does it have to interfere with my nightly plans? Kennedy finally reaches over and picks up the phone, flips it open and holds it up to her ear.

"The world better be ending or I'm gonna kill you." She gets really bitchy when we're interrupted during sex. But she has to answer the phone whenever it rings at odd hours of the night because she's a slayer, and it's her job to answer the call of duty. That doesn't stop me from trying to send myself to happy land. I'm gyrating my hips very slowly, getting the pressure back up, and it's working a little bit. My blood is starting to flow faster, my breathing is harder, and just when I think I'm making progress I hear something that makes my blood run cold, and my heart stop. Not literally but you catch my drift. "Willow, slow down. What's the problem?" I can't help the little glare that appears on my face at the sound of her name. Willow and I have made our peace, we did that at Buffy and Faith's wedding, and we can be civil towards each other, but that doesn't mean I want her calling and talking to Kennedy when she's clearly upset about something.

I gently push her by the shoulders and she gets the hint to get off of me. She pulls out of me and sits down on the edge of the bed and continues to talk to Willow. I get up and slip on my silk robe and sit in the not so comfortable chair by the window. I really don't want to be in the same room while she talks to her ex-girlfriend, but there's not much I can do about that. I know I'm being shallow but I don't really care. Everybody gets jealous of the ex, everybody. You can pretend that you don't get jealous, you can put on your fake smiles and say that everything is ok, but inside you just wanna bash their head against a wall for interrupting your life. And that's exactly what she's done. It's way more then the phone call that I'm talking about, it's the fact that Kennedy is rushing around now, trying to get her pants back on and looking a little frantic.

"Get dressed, we have to go." I hate it when she bosses me around. She may be a slayer but that doesn't give her the right to tell me what to do. "Where'd you throw my bra?" She sounds distracted and it only takes her a second to find the thing. She slips it on and then puts on her shirt. I ask her what the hell is going on, and she looks back at me with an annoyed look on her face. If anyone should be annoyed right now it's me. "The demon we've been tracking moved north a lot sooner then I thought it was going to. It ate a bunch of people and when Faith and Buffy tried to stop it, it almost killed Faith and it took Buffy." I don't think I've ever gotten dressed that quick before. And not just getting dressed, but combing out my hair and touching up my makeup. What? I'm supposed to look like a total freak because some big bad demon has Buffy? The whole world doesn't revolve around her ya know.

We run out to the car and jump in. Now that the reality of the situation has had a chance to sink in I realize that right now the world should revolve around Buffy. The demon that has her is a nasty one. We've been tracking it for about a month now and right when we think we're making some progress it gets by us. It's m.o. is like a lot of other demons which makes it hard to track. It feeds on the people that society has deemed worthless. Ya know, homeless people and teen runaways. It finds them and it feeds. Rips them open and eats their organs. I know, it's a total yuck situation. We've been trying to find a way to stop it but nothing has worked. I have some experience with magic, and every spell I tried didn't work. Kennedy tried fighting the demon a couple of weeks ago, and she's still recovering from it. This thing pulverized her. She still limps a little on her left leg, but that's the only sign that she fought this thing and survived.

We've been driving ourselves to exhaustion trying to find this thing because according to the books this thing is going to go into heat soon, and trust me that's not good. We can't find a way to kill it, how are we supposed to save whoever it takes? I guess the more appropriate question would be, how are we going to save Buffy? It makes sense that he would take her now that I'm thinking about it. She's one of the strongest slayers in the world, and she's had a couple of kids so her insides are stretchy enough to accommodate one of these things. I don't know how long ago she was taken, and yes that definitely matters. We only have a few hours to find her before the demon will finish all of its mating rituals, and once that happens we'll be pretty much helpless to stop what the demon plans on doing. Jeez, that drive went by really fast. And there's the hotel. Let's hope we have enough time.

There haven't been a lot of situations in my life that I viewed completely hopeless. For the most part I try to be an optimist, a silver lining type of person. This situation is proving to be a big fat exception. We've been trying to find a solution for hours. All of us have been reading page after page of pointless and very useless information. I mean, who cares if the demon's pee is blue? It's not going to help us find Buffy in time. From Willow's estimations we have about five hours left to find her before the demon does the last ritual. And trust me we don't' want that to happen.

The only one who hasn't been reading these stupid books is Willow. She's been doing spell after spell trying to find Buffy. Locator spells for her, locator spells for the demon, and locator spells for evil in general. She has three slayers out now hunting down demons and vampires and they're supposed to call the second they know anything. I didn't get to meet them because they were gone by the time Kennedy and I got here. I'm pretty sure these girls are not experienced enough to go up against a demon like this. That's why they were stationed in Redding in the first place. Yes this town does have its share of supernatural evil, but the biggest evil before this demon came along was the horrifying lack of fashion sense that everyone in this town seems to have.

"Did you find anything useful yet?" Kennedy asks and hovers over my shoulder. She's been driving me a little crazy. Maybe I would be able to find something useful if she'd stop interrupting me every five minutes. I haven't said anything to her about it yet. I can't really blame her for being restless. If my best friend was beaten to a bloody pulp and her wife was in the hands of some nasty, kidnaping, rapist demon I'd be a little spastic too. She's been pacing for the last twenty minutes. Every once in a while she'll pick up a book and flip through it but she's too wound up to sit down and research. Patience is definitely not one of her virtues.

"No I haven't." Ok, that came out a little harsher then I wanted it to. But that's ok because she's been with me long enough to know better then to ask me pointless questions. If I had found something I would have said so by now. But I understand her uneasiness so I'll cut her some slack. "Why don't you go check on the kids? Make sure they're still sleeping. We wouldn't want them to see Faith looking the way she is. It would traumatize them for life." We both know I'm right so she has almost no room to argue. And with what little room she has she argues like I just asked her to walk into oncoming traffic or something.

"Sky's checked on the kids three times in the last five minutes. It's safe to assume that they're still asleep." I watch her eyes roam around the room until they find the slayer witch hybrid. I can't help but notice the little glare she sends Sky's way. I turn around to see why Kennedy is glaring and I shake my head a little bit. I guess the latest spell didn't work just like the others and she's trying to comfort Willow. She has her wrapped up in a big hug and she's whispering things into the redhead's ear. So that's why Kennedy has been acting so weird. At first I thought Ken was being a bitch to her because they're both slayers, and every slayer feels the need to be the dominate one in a group of people. The real reason: she's jealous. Sky is with precious little Willow and Kennedy can't stand it.

"You mind looking away? Your eyes are starting to turn a little green." Ok so it's not one of my best lines, but it did the intended trick. She's looking at me with her puppy-dog eyes and an 'I'm sorry, please forgive me' expression. But I'm not going to forgive her just yet. She left me twice in favor of Willow and I'm not about to rule out the possibility of it happening again. Only it won't be so easy with Sky in the picture. She's been marking her territory ever since she was introduced to Kennedy. "Will you go check on Faith? I think the pain killers are wearing off." She doesn't argue with me on this one. She squeezes my shoulder a little and tries to catch my eyes before she leaves the room but I won't let her.

I go back to reading this very boring book and try to forget about all of the small problems going on around me. Like always this is about Buffy, and finding her is more important then being mad at my girlfriend for getting jealous over an ex. If I were Kennedy I'd probably be jealous too. I'd also be worried out of my mind, like I know she is. This is the part that we haven't told Faith yet because we're afraid she's going to freak out and hurt herself even more. We're trying to find Buffy before the demon rapes her not just to save her from the traumatic experience but to save her life. I'll keep it simple: the demon rapes the victim, the victim becomes pregnant with the evil offspring, the offspring grows inside the victim's uterus for about three months, and then eats its way out of the victim. So we really need to find Buffy before she gets inseminated with the demon seed.

"She's still alive, so we can't give up hope yet. As long as she's alive she has a chance," Willow announces. I guess she's trying to get us to look on the bright side. But I gotta tell ya it's hard to see the bright side of a pitch black room. Lets say that we find Buffy in time. We find out where the demon is keeping her and we all go to her rescue. Then what? This thing almost killed Faith then took off with the most experienced slayer in the world. The world. Not just this city, county, state or country, but the world. So we find her, show up to rescue her and then die trying to save her? Is that the plan? 'Cause if it is it need some work.

"I don't mean to be a negative Nancy," oh yeah, I can totally see why Willow likes Sky. She may not look it but she's as big a geek as Willow. "But what do we do after we find Buffy? This thing was strong enough to almost kill Faith and run off with the strongest slayer of all time. How do we fight that?" At least she's willing to ask the question that's on everyone's mind. I would have said something sooner but I was a little distracted by the negative Nancy comment.

"I'll distract him while you and the other slayers get her and bring her back here. He has some strong magics but not strong enough. I almost got a read on where she is. I just need a little more time. Whatever he's using to block their location is losing power. If we had the time I'd just wait it out, but it'll take longer then five hours to completely fade." At least we finally have some good news. I was getting ready to deem this situation hopeless instead of just seemingly hopeless. Now there's only one question on everybody's mind that even I'm afraid to ask: what happens if we don't find her in time?

BPOV

I don't know how long it's been since the demon marked me but it feels like forever. Like I've been sitting here in this spot longer then anyone can remember. I'm sure I've been sitting here longer then any type of stop watch could keep track. The only way I know that time hasn't stopped all together is because the ache between my legs is getting worst. I have to have some kind of release because its starting to hurt really bad. My clitoris is engorged with more blood then it can handle and its sore. I'm getting a little light headed because it's been a long time since any of that blood has flowed through my brain. I think I'm going crazy, but I don't want to give in. I just feel like if I give in to this need and give myself some release then the demon wins. And we all know how competitive I can be.

I've tried almost everything I can think of to get rid of this need. I thought about my kids for a while but I had to stop. Thinking about my kids while I'm this horny just felt weird. So I started thinking about all of the things I have to do when I get home. Every single thing ended in me fucking Faith. I thought about having to pay the water bill, but that led to thoughts of fucking Faith in the shower. Thinking about the laundry only led to thoughts of fucking Faith while she's sitting on the dryer. And finally the one that got me worked up the most was the thought of taking Tucker for a walk because it ended with me fucking Faith doggy style with the strap-on. So I stopped thinking about that and tried something else but ti didn't work. It ended up with me and Faith having mind blowing sex on a deserted beach.

So now I'm keeping my mind completely blank and trying as hard as I can to ignore the pain in my panties. Ever since he took my clothes off of me it's gotten worst. The cold air has been kissing my hot skin, and caressing my very alert nerve endings, and turning me on even more. I've always had a thing for cold when I'm turned on. I don't know what it is, but the feeling of something cool being pressed against my scorching skin just makes me even hornier. Spike was the first one who figured that out. He took some ice and pressed it against the back of my neck just to piss me off a little, but it made me moan, and shiver and fuck him just a little harder. God, even thinking about Spike is turning me on. Could this day get any worst? The demon just stood up from his seat at that table, so I guess my question is about to be answered.

The demon walk over to the edge of my invisible cage and moves the rock, and the cage is disabled. I try to get passed him but I'm weak and he's not. He grabs me by my hair and pulls me close to him. I can feel the roughness at his skin against my exposed back and it sickens me how much my body loves it. My clit is throbbing way more then it was a few seconds ago and I can feel my wetness pooling in my panties. The smell of it is thick and its driving my senses a little crazy. I can't force my hips to stay still and they're rocking, searching for something hard to press my pussy against. My nipples are straining even tighter against the material of my bra wanting to be pinched and sucked and teased. I really want to be back at the hotel so I can fuck Faith. She's the only one who can give me what I truly need.

I feel the demon let go of my hair and he picks me up and cradles me like I"m a child or something. I try so hard to stop shivering but I can't. The feel of his rough skin against my hot and wanting flesh is making me shiver with desire and I really think I'm going to be sick. I know I can't force my body to stop feeling what its feeling because the demon did something to me. Whatever he forced down my throat is making me like this. So I'll just think about Faith again. I imagine that we're back at the house in our own bed. Her hard nipples rub against mine as she hovers above me. I arch my back so they rub against each other a little harder. The sensation is doing nothing more but making me hotter for her. I moan out her name in an almost pleading tone, but she doesn't take me, not yet. She wants to torture me just a little first.

Her kiss swollen lips latch onto my throat and she roughly takes my skin into her mouth and marks me as hers. Her teeth draw just a little blood as she gets a little carried away. I moan deep when three of her fingers enter me. She takes me so rough and hard and I almost can't keep up. She just keeps pounding into me harder, and harder, and I feel her other hand teasing my clit. I try to manipulate my body so she's putting more pressure on it but for some reason I can't really move. Then she pinches it hard and I scream as I come all over her hand, my thighs, and our bed. I don't think I've ever come that hard in my entire life. I keep whispering her name over and over again, like a prayer, and I don't ever want to stop. She's my salvation, my everything and I don't ever want to let her go.

I hear a strange clicking noise and it rips me out of my little fantasy. I open my eyes and the demon is making the strange clicking noise with his mouth. It sounds like he's trying to talk to me or something in whatever demon language he's speaking in. I don't feel his rough body against me anymore. What I'm against is hard, and smooth, and cold. It feels almost like the table he tied me to earlier. But my arms and legs don't feel tied down. I do feel something hard between my legs. It isn't inside my panties, but ti's pressed up against my clit. I don't want to look but I have to. My gaze moves from the demons mouth to his shoulder. Inch by inch until I'm finally staring at the hand that's firmly between my legs. Legs that are spread wide and begging for something to enter the space between them.

I can't believe I just got a hand job by a demon and I didn't even notice. And I'm not feeling guilty just because a demon violated me like that. I feel guilty at how satisfied I feel. That was probably one of the best orgasms I've ever had and that's what I feel guilty about. I was thinking about Faith, and how worked up she gets me, and how good she makes me feel, but Faith didn't bring me to orgasm, the demon did. Is that why the demon brought me out here? Did he know how worked up I was and he decided to relieve some of the pressure? Judging by the fact that he's now tying me down I'm going to say no. All I can do is watch as he walks over to another table and starts mixing things in another bowl. I really hope he isn't going to make me drink that because it smells disgusting. I see something else on the other table. A needle. And not like the needle he used earlier to mark me. It's a hypodermic needle, and it's already fill with some kind of blue-ish liquid. I try to struggle but the handcuffs are just as strong as they were before.

I try not to think about the needle. I try not to focus on all of the questions running through my mind. On all of the little voices asking things like 'what is it for?' and 'where is he going to put it?'. I couldn't help but notice that it's a long needle. Eight inches long maybe. Long enough to make me start to panic. I try not to but it happens. My whole body starts twisting around as I try to break free. It's pretty pointless though. These shackles have probably been magically altered so nothing can break them. So I think about my kids instead of focusing on all of this bad stuff. I think about when Matthew's baby teeth were growing in and he was fussy all the time, and had a little bit of a temperature. Faith would sit up with him at night and read to him, and let him chew on her fingers. God that was such a long time ago.

When Addison was cutting teeth it was completely different. She wasn't just fussy like Matthew had been. She was downright pissed off. She was in so much pain that we had to get her doctor to prescribe her some painkillers. We could have gotten the same stuff over the counter but we were kind of panicking because no matter what we did she wouldn't stop crying. So we put some of the red sticky liquid on her gums and it numbed them within a matter of minutes. We when she finally fell asleep it felt like the heavens were smiling upon us, and all was right with the world. Then Matthew came home from school and stared yelling because he got a good grade on a history project he turned in a few days before. We didn't have time to react, to tell him to be quiet because the baby was asleep, and she woke up and started screaming. It took both me and Faith over three hours to get her to go back to sleep.

I snap my attention back to the demon when I see him move towards me. He doesn't have the needle, only the bowl but that doesn't make this any less frightening. I clench my jaw shut and give him the best defiant look that I can conjure up. But it doesn't really matter because he isn't walking towards my face. He stands near my stomach and dips his hand in the bowl. He pulls it out and starts to rub my stomach. Whatever the liquid is it's really warm and for some reason it's calming me down. Don't get me wrong, my body still feels on fire and I still want to be fucked, but I don't feel panicked. I don't pay attention to anything else but the feel of the warm and soothing wetness being spread over my stomach and abdomen. I watch as his hand leaves my wanting flesh and disappears back into the bowl. A couple of seconds later its back on me, and gently daces over me in a rhythmic and hypnotizing way. When his hand leaves my body a second time I close my eyes and wait for it to return.

I feel a light pinch but I don't worry about it. I'm too relaxed to care what's happening. But I'm sure that light burning sensation is cause for some concern. So I slowly open my eyes to see what's causing it and my entire body goes numb at the sight. You know that needle I talked about not too long ago? Well a lot of that needle, I can't really tell how much, is now inside of my stomach and the demon is slowly draining all of that blue fluid into my stomach. Well to be honest I don't really think it's going into my stomach. From the location of the needle I'd say he's putting that stuff into my right ovary, but what do I know? It's not like I'm a doctor or something close to it. I force myself not to struggle. No I don't want that thing inside me, and no I don't want him putting that stuff inside of me, but if I struggle and the needle breaks off how do you think he's going to get it out? Or he could just leave it in there and I could die from a massive infection.

I wince when he pulls the needle out of me. I'm suddenly filled with a sense of relief and fear. Relief because I don't have that huge needle inside of me and fear because I now have some strange liquid flowing freeing inside of my body and there's not a thing I can do to stop it. I can only assume it has something to do with him wanting me horny all the time. I'm going to go ahead and point out the obvious and say that this is going to try and...breed with me. It's the only thing that truly makes sense. If he wanted to rape me he would have done so by now. But he's treating me with care. He hasn't really hurt me, except for pulling my hair when I tried to get away. He doesn't want to cause me any harm that could make it difficult for me to conceive. If I thought I was going to be sick before then i know I'm going to now.

I don't try to get away when he unbinds my hands and feet. My muscles are still to relaxed from when he was massaging my stomach. And I think I'm in shock or something. Everything is moving in slow motion and I don't know how to make it normal. I don't know how to go back a minute or two before I came to that terrifying conclusion. I don't care if it was staring me in the face and I was just too stupid to see it. I just want someone to come and save me because I would rather die then have something evil growing inside of me. TO feel it moving around and feeding off of me would probably drive me insane. And it's not like I'd really have the option of going to a clinic and getting an abortion. There's no way I'm going to be able to escape, and I'm sure aborting a demon is a lot different then a baby. I'm sure there'd have to be spells involved ro something. The point is, is if this demon does get me pregnant I'll die. I'll make myself die somehow because I can't have one of those things growing inside of me.

I feel the demon sit me up on the table. I don't try to get away, or move in any way. I think I am in shock because that's the only way I'd lose my desire to fight back. I should be struggling like hell now that I'm pretty sure I know why he's keeping me here. Why he took me away from my wife, from my family. Do you think he'd be able to understand if I talk? I haven't pleaded because there are a lot of demons that only speak their language. I think he's one of them so why bother trying? What could I possibly say that will make him let me go? 'No please, I've got a wife and three kids, you gotta let me go'. Like that line hasn't been used before. Ok, so it isn't a line, I really do have a wife and three kids but do you think he cares? I sigh loudly and he doesn't look away from what he's doing. He's gently massaging my stomach with more of that warm liquid, but I'm too numb to feel it or care.

Is this what hopeless situations feel like? Because I think I'm stuck in one. I don't know how long I've been here, it feels like days, but I can't be too sure. For all I know time works way different here and I have been here for days, but outside of this cave it's only been a couple of minutes. Maybe that's why no one has come to my rescue? Please, who am I trying to fool? I may not understand everything about the different dimensions and the way time works between them, but I'm pretty sure you can't alter just one space, it actually has to be a different world or something. So there's no way that it's been days. Hours maybe, but not days. And nobody's found me because they don't know where I am. Faith is probably dead. If she didn't die from internal bleeding then a vampire found her and drained her. That feels like a knife to the heart, but I bite the tears back. I'll cry after he puts me back in invisible cage, but not directly in front of him. I may have given up the will to fight, but I still have some dignity.

When he finally does carry me back to the cage and lay me down I don't even wait for him to leave before I start bawling my eyes out. I'm crying for lots of reasons at this point. For being trapped here with a demon I can kill or get away from. For seeing the demon beat the living hell out of Faith and just leave her there to die. For the fact that she's probably dead, lying at the edge of the woods all alone. For the fact that I'm probably never going to see my kids again. I'm never going to see them grow up. Matthew will remember me, hopefully, but Addison and Joseph are too young to remember. Addison might remember little things, but Joseph won't. I'm crying because I have so much fear, and so many different emotions ripping through my body and I can't control them anymore. And lastly, I'm crying because my body wants sex so much, and it's making me feel like a dirty, nasty whore. I just want to go home and forget all of this ever happened. Is that too much to ask?


	52. Calling In The Troops part 2

**The Same Night.** FPOV

The tension from the other room is starting to spill into here and it fucking sucks. I'm in here trying to ignore the physical pain from that ass kicking and then all the shit that's going on side of me. That demon has Buffy. Buffy, my wife, best friend, partner in slaying. She has my back when the kids start to drive me a little crazy, and she's the only one who truly believed that I could change. Ok, so Angel believed it before her, but its different with the scooby gang. I'm grateful for everything he's done for me, but it's not his forgiveness I was after. He understood why I wanted to hurt him. I was in love with Buffy and he was the thing in the way. The others just got caught in the crossfire.

Buffy was the one who made the first step in the right direction. She's the one who admitted her feelings for me. I felt the same way she did, I was just too chicken shit to do anything about it. I was almost too chicken to stick around afterwards. When we got to the Hyperion and we all had our own rooms I almost just left Buffy alone to be taken care of by her friends and family. I'm willing to admit that I was kind of forced into the job. Willow was too exhausted, Dawn was too upset, Xander was grieving, and Giles told me to do it. I'm glad they didn't give me an excuse to run. If I had known that the scoobs were going to take care of her I would've backed off. But they were too wrapped up with their own emotions. I'm not calling them selfish. They all deserved a break. I'm just glad I wasn't too scared to stay. And she forgave me for everything. I never though she'd do that.

But enough about all that. I don't want to be thinking about all the good times we had together, like I'm mourning over her or something. She isn't dead. I know she isn't. If she died I'd be able to feel it. I don't know how I know, I just do. Buffy isn't dead, we're going to get her back. So why is everyone acting like its hopeless? Why do they keep checking on the kids, and stealing glances from my room? It's like they're expecting me to say something, or do something, or freak out or cry some more and it's fucking irritating. Now that the drugs have worn off I have better control over my emotions so I'm not going to freak out. So they can all just stop. I just want them to stop! I just...I just want Buffy back. I want her back safe and sound so we can go home. Back to the neighborhood with the suburban weirdoes, and my beautiful house with the huge backyard. Tucker's probably freaking out. He's not used to being away from us for this long. God, listen to me. All this bad stuff is going on and I'm worried about my dog.

"Where do you think you're going?" I look up to the doorway and see Kennedy standing there. She's worried but she's trying not to show it. I wish she'd just leave me alone. I'm going to find Buffy whether she likes it or not. I can't just stay here while that demon does God know what to her. I throw her a little glare and try to stand up. I say try because my knee still hurts like a bitch and I have to sit back down. Kennedy walks in and sits next to me. She tries to move the hair out of my face but I pull back. "Stop being a stubborn ass. We're going to get her back before that thing lays a hand on her." I don't say anything for about a minute.

"She hasn't been happy," I tell her and let out a little sigh. This is the thing I've been avoiding. The one thing I really don't want to think about. But I have been for a while. "She might die soon and the only thing I can really think about is that I haven't been able to make her happy. We've been arguing lately and ignoring each other. And now I might not get the chance to make it better." I lick my dry lips with my equally dry tongue and ignore the coppery taste of my blood. I don't break down like I thought I was going to. I just sit here in silence with the women who used to be my best friend. Lets stop pretending, we haven't talked to each other enough to be best friends. But right now that doesn't matter. "Is it weird seein Willow again? Now that she's with Sky, that's gotta be weird." She looks at me with a 'what the fuck?' expression and tears come to my eyes. "Everything is so out of control and I need to focus on something that doesn't seem so large. So, is it weird seeing Willow?" She gives me an understanding look and sighs a little bit.

"Like you wouldn't believe. It's so fucked because I want to be happy for her 'cause she found someone she clicks with and they got a lot in common. But I'm jealous 'cause I still feel like a part of her is mine. And I'm guilty for being jealous 'cause I'm the one who walked away." Wow, that is a fucked up situation. I'm about to say something but she keeps going, which I'm grateful for. "And I feel even guiltier 'cause I know Cordelia is thinking I'm questioning us, and I'm not. It's just…Willow's special, ya know? I'm always gonna be jealous of the woman she's dating." I kinda know where she's coming from. I was mad with jealousy when I walked in on B and that skank. God that seems like such a long time ago. I know that if me and B ever do divorce and she gets with someone else I'll never be able to be around them without losing control. That would drive me insane…again. Ok so we weren't together back in SunnyD but it felt like it until Angel came back.

"Man, I don't even want to imagine what Cordy's like when she's jealous. She's mean enough when she's normal." We both chuckle a little but our laughter dies and we both freeze when we hear 'I heard that!' from the other room. I give her a little 'haha you're in trouble' smile but I'm really worried about my safety. Cordy's fuckin scary as hell when she's mad and I'm in no physical shape to defend myself. So lets get back to the overwhelming stuff, shall we? "So, did you find anything else out?" I know that she knows something she just doesn't want to tell me. I heard her when she first got here. She was freaking out and kept asking Willow how long ago the demon took Buffy. There's something all of them aren't telling me and its really starting to piss me off. I don't want to be in the dark anymore. I need to be in the know, even if the truth drives me crazy, or makes me pass out or something. There's a reason why Kennedy is now looking at me with some pity and why Sky is going to check on the kids again. There's a reason why, and I have to know what it is. I can tell she isn't going to tell me. She steeling her eyes off from me. So I go for a low blow. "Ken, what if it was Cordelia or Willow? You'd wanna know. Tell me what's so bad." Hook, line, and sinker. All I gotta do is reel her in.

"Alright." Score one for me. "But you gotta promise me not to freak out, ok?" I nod my head a little bit and she sighs. It's almost like she knows she's making a huge mistake but she's going to do it anyway. For a second I think she's going to back down, but she doesn't. She holds onto my hand, which is fuckin weird. Even when we were best friends we didn't do shit like this. She slowly licks her lips and opens her mouth to speak. And right before she can get a word out we hear a blood curdling scream that only my daughter could make. Kennedy jumps up and runs out of the room. I try to stand up but my knees gives out and I fall onto the bed. I hear everyone trying to calm her down, but she's completely freaking out. She's calling out for me and Buffy and the sound is breaking my heart. From what I can hear Kennedy's trying to hold her back and having a hell of a time doing it. Then Kennedy yells out in pain and the next thing I know Addy's booking it into the room. She jumps on the bed and runs over to me. I wrap my arms around her and ignore the pain it causes.

"Mama, a monster's got Mommy!" she cries into my ear. How the fuck does she know that? Did she overhear Red and the others talking about it? I realize that it doesn't matter that she's a slayer. That she's going to grow up and probably be one of the greatest. She's just a three-year-old right now and she shouldn't be in the know. Little kids belong in the dark where its safe. So I gently rub her back and softly lie to her. I tell her that a monster doesn't have her mommy, but she won't listen. She shakes her head no and smacks me on the shoulder. I try not to wince from the pain. "Yes it does. I sawed it." She's crying so hard that she starts coughing. She saw it? So she had a slayer dream or something? She saw Buffy and the demon? "It's gonna hurt Mommy." Great. She doesn't fuckin need this. She already has to deal with the tension and seein me beat to hell. She doesn't need to have a dream about the demon hurting Buffy. I'm going to go ahead and assume that Addy dreamt about the rape. She's just a little kid. She doesn't need to be dreaming about that. She shouldn't have to see her mommy being raped by some big, nasty demon.

"Faith, Matt just woke up and he's totally freaking out," Sky says from the doorway. Great, just fucking great. Addy probably won't remember seeing that shit in a couple of weeks, maybe a month or two, but Mattie will probably develop a complex or something. I tell her to bring him in here and she leaves. Addy's still freaking out and she's having trouble breathing. I try rocking her even though all of my muscles and joints are protesting. I hear Mattie running towards the room and I look up just in time to see him fly through the doorway. He jumps up on the bed and looks into my eyes. He isn't crying but he's damn close to it. I reach out to run my fingers through his hair but he pulls away. What? Why the hell did he do hat? He looks so pissed off. What the hell is wrong with him? Upset, and scared out of his mind is what I expected. But pissed? This is so fucking blindsiding me. I ask him what's wrong, and he looks like he's about to lose it.

"It's all your fault," he says and tears well up in his eyes. What the fuck? "It's your fault. You're supposed to keep Mom safe. You said you'd keep her safe!" I did say that and I regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth. Before me and B went on patrol tonight Mattie was worried 'cause B hasn't been slaying much since Joey was born. So when I hugged him goodbye I whispered in his ear that I'd watch her back and keep her safe. I move Addy aside and reach out for Mattie. He fights me a little but he doesn't keep it up for long. I pull him close to me and he stops fighting. I have one arm wrapped around him and one arm wrapped around Addy and they're both crying their eyes out. And all I can do is sit here and focus on fighting the physical pain. I can't think about the words he said to me because they're true. I'm not strong enough or smart enough to stop that demon and now it has Buffy. I lean back against the headboard and both of them grab onto me tighter. Like they think I'm trying to leave them or something.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper into Mattie's ear. He either can't hear me over the very loud sobs of his sister or he's ignoring me. "I'm sorry." I say it a little louder. "I'm so, so sorry. I'll get her back. I promise I'll get her back." I should know better then to say stuff like that but I need to say something that'll calm him down. And I can feel my heart breaking when Addy sobs out 'no you can't'. That's when I start to come undone. I try to force my tears back but this is a war I'm quickly losing. They feel hot and they're burning the back of my eyes. I feel one slither its way down my cheek and it lands in Addy's hair. The first sob that fights its way out of the back of my throat sounds strangled and alien to my ears. I've never heard anything like it before. I guess neither have my kids because they both went stock still right after it happened. I let go of Mattie so I can wipe the tears away from my eyes but they just keep coming. I'm supposed to be stronger then this. I'm their mother, I'm supposed to protect them, and comfort them, not cry in front of them.

"Come on guys, your mama needs to rest now," Red says and I feel her tug on Addy a little bit. My baby girl willingly goes to her. I don't think she has the energy to fight. I watch Red pick her up and hold my baby against her chest. Addy instantly warps her little arms around Willow's neck and buries her face in her neck. She's still crying but it's not as bad as it was earlier. She'll probably cry herself to sleep in a few minutes. Red leaves the room with my girl clinging to her like her little life depends on it. I pull my boy closer to me and give him a kiss on his temple. I feel his grip tighten and I can't hold back the wince. He tenses up a little bit and pulls away from me. Not out of my grasp or anything, just enough so he can look at my face. His eyebrows furrow and he looks worried as he studies my battered face. He looks at my black eyes and cut lip, and bruised cheeks and the lump I have on my forehead. He pulls back even more so he look at my body. I wince again and bite back a scream when he bumps into my hurt knee. He jumps back so he's sitting about six inches away from me.

"I tried to save her," I tell him. My voice is so raspy and hoarse from all of the screaming I've done tonight. I don't recognize it and neither does he. But I have to tell him what happened. He saw what's going to happen to Buffy if we don't find her in time. He deserves to know what happened. "I was already hurt when the demon grabbed her. He threw me against a tree before he grabbed your mom. I tried to stop him but he's so strong, Mattie. He was just too strong." I have to stop or else I'll start crying again and I really don't want to do that now that he's looking at me. I suck in a deep calming breath and keep going, but I'll have to stop soon because my throat hurts way too bad.

"I chased after him." I'm going to have to censor this part a little bit. I want him to know what happened but he is only nine. He doesn't need to hear everything. "When I tried to grab her away from the demon he slammed me against another tree and I couldn't get up. I had to wait for my slayer healing to work a little bit and I called out to Willow with my mind and some other slayers came and got me." Now he looks scared. This is what I expected earlier so I'm a little prepared for it. "And Cordelia, and aunt Kennedy, and aunt Willow and grandpa Giles are all here to help find a way to get her back, ok? She's going to be fine. The big brains are on the case." I give him a little smile but it doesn't do much. He still looks freaked.

"What about aunt Dawn? Isn't she gonna help?" Fuck. I didn't even think about her. She gets out of the hospital tomorrow. She wants to stay longer because she's afraid to face the world or some shit like that. She's going to freak out if she gets released and Buffy isn't there to take her home. Dammit! Mother fucking son of a bitch! Ok Faith, calm down, take a couple deep breaths and just relax. Fuck!!!!! I know that Buffy being at the hospital to take Dawn home doesn't seem important right now, but trust me it is. Because if Buffy isn't here on time or at all then Dawn will throw a shit fit big enough to end the world. Alright I'm calm now. I'm just trying to find something small to focus on so I don't have to think about all this big stuff. I give Mattie a goodnight kiss when Red comes to take him back to his bedroom. He wants to help find Buffy, but I tell him his job in all of this is to look out for his little sister because things are too crazy for everyone else to worry about her. That's a mean thing to say but it did the trick. Now we can focus on the real problem: how are we going to get Buffy back?


	53. Calling In The Troops part 3

**The Same Night**. BPOV

I don't know how I got here, but I feel safe. Somehow I just know that nothing here can hurt me. I slowly open my eyes but I have to shut them because of the blinding light. It takes me a couple of minutes but I finally adjust, and the light doesn't hurt anymore. From where I'm laying I can see the sky with a few white puffy clouds lazily moving across the endless blue. The sun is shining brightly warming everything its rays softly kiss. I slowly sit up and I can't help but notice that I'm in a field of white daisies. I can't help but laugh a little bit at how ridiculous this all this. It's so much like a dream, but it doesn't feel like one, it feels so real. My fingertips are even dusted with the powder from the butterfly's wing that I reached out and gently touched. It flutters away and disappears amongst the white and green.

I look down at my body when I feel that I'm not almost naked like I was just a little while ago. I'm wearing a white sundress that has spaghetti straps and the skirt ends about half an inch above my knees. I'm also wearing white flip flops and my toenails are painted a lavender color. I look at my fingernails and cringe to see that I'm sporting matching toe and fingernails. Lavender, not one of my favorite colors. I'll wear the occasional outfit that is lavender based but I'd never painted my nails this color. I watch as a light breeze gently moves the daisies around. Everything seems so calm, and peaceful, and daisy filled. Ok, I need to get up, I'm starting to get flashbacks from Alice in Wonderland when the flowers thought she was a weed.

I stand up and take a look around. There are daisies as far as the eye can see, along with a few butterflies here and there, but there's also a clearing. A clearing that has really short grass and a large pond. Behind the pond is a large oak tree that's providing a decent amount of shade to the area it covers. An area that's filled with laughter, and the sound of splashing. The sounds bring a small smile to my lips and I slowly make my way towards the clearing. I pick a couple of daisies along the way 'cause why not, right? I'm here, I might as well enjoy it while I can. I don't know how this is possible, but the tingles I'm getting on the back of my neck are affirming that it is really happening. I guess they feel it too because they look over at me with big smiles on their faces.

"Mommy!" Addison screams at the top of her lungs and starts running towards me. Her hair is on either side of her head in little dog ears that are being held in place by little pink hair ties. She's wearing her light pink bathing suit and she's soaking wet from head to toe. I squat down and hold my arms out and brace myself for the impact. Her little body collides with mine and I instantly wrap my arms around her in a tight hug. We stay like this for about a minute before she pulls back. I give her a little kiss on the cheek and she smiles wide, showing off her dimples. "Me and Brother are swimming, Mommy." I smile at her and laugh a little bit. On the inside I'm frowning a little. The fact that she just hugged me and my dress didn't get wet just reminds me that this is only a dream, and that I'll be waking up to an entirely different world.

"I see that." I stand up and she holds onto my hand and leads me over to their little spot. There's a large red and white checkered blanket, with a large picnic basket in the middle. Matthew is still in the water, but he swims to the shore and sits down on the blanket next to me and his sister. "How long have you two been here?" I want to keep this as lighthearted as possible. This might be the last time I ever get to see them, I don't want it to be filled with tears and painful emotions. They notice the slight drop in my smile and I rush to cover it up. "You two go play, I'll be fine right here. I'll just see what's in the basket." They both run off for the water and start playing. All at once I'm bombarded with 'watch what I can do Mom!' and 'Mommy watch this!' or 'keep looking before you miss it!'

I just smile and nod my head and sometimes clap, depending on what the little trick is. Matthew will hunch over in the swollen end and then leap out towards the deeper part of the pond, and so far he's been able to do a spin in midair before hitting the water. It is pretty impressive. I know that he's using his slayer abilities because he does the same thing at home in the swimming pool. Addison is sticking to the shallows. I guess it doesn't matter that this is a slayer dream, she can't swim in real life so she thinks she'll drown if she tries to swim here. What she is doing, is walking out until the water is up to her armpits, then dunking her head under the water and then springing out. And I guess it's just natural instinct for me and Matthew to keep a very close eye on her to make sure she doesn't go too deep. She decides to take a little break and sits down on the grass and watches her brother swimming around the pond.

I sigh a little bit even though I try not to. I don't want to be feeling a little depressed right now. I should be happy, I'm here with my kids and they're having fun. This is how it should be. But the thought of waking up and them not being there, the thought of never seeing them again after this moment, it is a depressing one. I start to dig through the basket just to take my mind off things. There's lots of different fruits: sliced apples, oranges, strawberries, grapes, cantaloupe, watermelon, and honeydew. There's also some fried chicken, different kinds of sandwiches, some sodas, and juice boxes. It's a really nice spread, it's a shame that I'm not hungry. I look up when I hear the blanket ruffle a little and Addison is standing by the edge of it looking at me with a small smile. I close the lid to the basket and smile back at her.

"Mommy can I sit with you?" she asks and looks at me through her eyelashes. I can already tell that when she's a teenager not only is she going to be a hell raiser, but she's going to flirt to get her way at school, and pout to get her way at home. Mark my words, that will most likely happen. I tell her 'of course baby' and situate myself a little differently in case she wants to sit on my lap and she frowns a little bit. "I'm not a baby." I try not to smile and apologize. And she sits down on my lap just like I knew she would, and starts digging through the basket. She pulls out one of the juice boxes and has me unwrap the straw and stab it through the little slot in the box where it's to go. I hand it back to her and she leans against my chest, the back of her wet head is using my breastbone as a pillow, if this is a dream why does that kind of hurt? I want to pretend it isn't a dream, that we really are here at this place, and we're having a good time, and we have nothing to fear or worry about at home. But I know it's a dream because if this were real then Faith would be here with us.

"Are you having fun here, Addy?" I ask and she nods her head a little. I guess she isn't done with her juice. It's rare that I actually call my kids by the nicknames that Faith gives them. I don't know why I do that. It's not like people run around calling me Elizabeth. I call Addison angel girl sometimes, but not a lot. I just think it's a little weird that I don't have little nicknames for my kids. My mom called Dawn punkin belly for years. And I was a little hurt when Mom told me she didn't have any names for me. Will my kids be like that? I don't know. It's impossible to tell what they'll do when they're older since they're still so young. And I can't help but get a little sad because I feel like this is the last time I'm going to see them. I feel like the powers set this up so I can have one last peaceful day with my kids, so I can say goodbye. I hate that I'm getting a little depressed right now because I want this time with my kids to be a happy time and not filled with all these bad emotions.

"Matthew!" I call out and he looks over at me, and wipes some water off his face. "Come have lunch with us!" He nods his head a little and starts swimming for the shore. I move Addison off my lap and she complains a little bit, mumbles something about being comfortable and now she's not, and I can't help but smile. She's so much like Faith that it's almost a little scary. She may not look a lot like Faith, but sometimes she acts just like her. Or maybe it's Faith that acts like Addison? Sometimes when Faith is turned on and trying to get me worked up I'll tease her a little and she starts to whine, and pout just like a little kid when someone tries to take away their favorite toy. I like the idea of being Faith's favorite toy. I smile a little bit as I unpack the basket. At the bottom of it I find some plates and plastic wear and I pull those out and dish out the food for the kids. I look up at them and frown a little. They're still really wet from the swimming, and in the shade they're not going to dry off.

"Aren't there any towels so you two can dry off?" I ask and look back down at the food. I hear Addison giggling a little bit. I look up to see what's so funny and my jaw drops open a little. I shouldn't be this surprised, I mean this is a dream after all. Anyway, both of them are now dry, not a drop of water on them anywhere, and they're both wearing actual clothes instead of swim wear, and they're both smiling. I smile back a little bit and raise an eyebrow at what they're wearing. Matthew is in blue jeans, and a red t-shirt, black sneakers and the laces are untied. His hair is messy as usual because some of it wants to be straight like mine and the rest wants to be curly like Faith's. I'm just grateful that he wasn't born a girl because if he was the teenage years would be filled with nothing but complaints about how untamable her hair is.

Addison is wearing a sundress that matches mine almost perfectly. The design is the same, but the color is different. It's not white, but a light yellow. Which just happens to be her favorite color. The shoes are white strappy sandles, and her hair is down. Her little ringlets bounce around her shoulders a little and I can't help but smile at the sight. Faith is a little mad that Addison has 'good hair genes' and she doesn't. I think it's hilarious that an almost middle aged woman is jealous of her three-year-old daughter. Too bad Faith isn't here so I can tease her about it, it's one of my favorite things to do. I hand them their plates and a fork and napkin and they start to eat. There's lots of talk and laughter in between bites and I'm really starting to enjoy myself. With everything that's been going on I almost forgot how relaxing it is just to spend some time with my kids. I have to get a little serious though because there are some things that I need to know.

"Are you guys doing ok?" I ask and my serious tone stops their laughter. I feel horrible being the one to take that from them. But I need to know. "I know things are bad, but how are you guys holding up?" I put my plate down when I see Addison crawling towards me. She looks so sad now and it's breaking my heart. My baby girl has a very expressive face and when she's sad it's hard not to become sad as well. Not just her expression, but she has this air about her, almost like a magnetic force that draws people to her. She likes to be the center of attention and she doesn't have to work hard to get it. Her emotions just roll off of her in waves and people are very responsive to them. Especially all of us since we can pick on her subtle body language and not just the big ones.

"I'm scared, Mommy," she says and I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me. Her head is resting on my chest and her arms are wrapped around me, and she's gripping so tight, like holding onto me is keeping her alive or something. "A demon hurt Mama real bad." So Faith is alive? I feel relief wash over me. I was so sure she died back there in those woods. Now that I'm really thinking about it, she probably waited until she had enough strength to telepathically get a hold of Willow. I'm also relieved because if I don't make it out of this, if I don't get away from the demon they're going to need Faith more then they've ever needed her before. I just hope she can be strong for them. I know she's going to take my death very hard, and she's going to need a lot of help, but eventually she's going to have to put her pain aside and be there for the kids. It isn't going to be easy, but I know she can do it.

"It's ok, angel girl. Mama's tough, remember? She'll be better really soon." I feel kind of bad saying that because I don't know how bad Faith's condition is. Can she even walk after what the demon did to her? Is she paralyzed? All I saw was the demon's claws going into her back, I don't know if he hit her spine or not. "It's ok to be scared. Everything is going to be over soon." I gently stroke the side of her head and look into Matthew's eyes. "Your big, brave brother will protect you, won't he?" I'm asking him more then her. She thinks Matthew is like a knight in shining armor, complete with fancy sword and white hoarse. What I'm really doing is asking Matthew to watch after her because she's going to need it. He nods his head a little bit and looks down at his feet. I know exactly what he's thinking, because I'm thinking it too. Who's going to take care of him? Faith is going to be wrapped up in her own pain for a while, so who's going to take care of my boy. I smile a little when the answer slowly comes to me.

"And I'm sure scary old grandpa Chris will keep all the monsters away." Addison laughs a little bit at that. Chris isn't scary to us at all, he's just a big ol' teddy bear once you get to know him. But to the little boy that lives a couple houses down, Brad, the one Addison spends a lot of time with, well Chris is downright terrifying. All Brad had to do was look up at him and he was afraid. It didn't help that Chris was acting a little protective of Addison and squared his shoulders and used his height against Brad. Poor boy got so scared he wet himself. Good thing he still wears diapers or that would have been a big mess all over my living room carpet.

"Brad's notta monster, Mommy. And granpa Chris's not scary. He just looks mean." He does look kinda mean, and I have to say I do like it. He looks like the kind of guy that if you mess with him he'll beat the hell out of you, and I can breath easy leaving my kids in his care because I know he won't let anything bad happen to them. Matthew doesn't look relieved. I think he knows what I'm trying to imply but I refuse to say. He's smart enough to catch on really fast. He knows I'm trying to say that I'm not going to be around to take care of them, and they're going to have to depend on other people now. I move Addison a little to the side and grab onto Matthew's wrist and pull him to me. Both of their heads are pressed up against my chest, their arms wrapped tightly around me and our legs are tangled up together. It's a little uncomfortable but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I try to memorize as many details as I can in this short period of time. The feel of their bodies against mine, the smell of their hair, the feel of their skin, the sounds of their voices, of their breathing. There are so many details that I can't get a hold of right now. So I take what I can get because it'll have to be good enough. I don't have a lot of time. I can feel consciousness starting to pull me out of this place. It feels like an oven on the back of my neck. At first it's just a little tickle of warmth, nothing more then a tiny whisper letting me know that the inevitable is about to happen. But it starts to heat up, getting hotter and hotter until it feels scorching. I start to panic because I only have a few seconds before I'm going to wake up and all of this will be gone forever.

I push them a little away from me and cup Matthew's face with my hands. I start placing kisses all over his face, from his forehead to his cheeks and a couple on his lips. Then I do the same to Addison, and both of them are starting to cry. I guess they can feel what's happening too. Then I pull them tight against me because I don't ever want to let go. But no matter how hard I hold on, it's going to happen and that fact is killing me inside.

"I love you," I tell them when I feel myself starting to fade. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I-" everything is suddenly gone and I'm surrounded by black nothingness as I'm ripped away from that little sanctuary. It feels like I'm being slammed against the ground and suddenly I'm awake. I don't open my eyes, but I know I'm back at the cave. I can smell the dirt I'm lying in, hear all of the sounds the demon is making as he prepares for whatever it is he's going to do next. I tighten my eyelids until it feels like my eyes have actually gone numb and I wish as hard as I can that when I open them I'll be somewhere else. I slowly flutter my eyes open and at first all I see is a series of different colored spots. But those fade away and I'm left staring at the ground and out of the corner of my eye I see the table where the demon is sitting, mixing more things in some other bowls. I can feel the low hum of the electrical wall keeping me trapped in this little prison.

My stomach feels like its on fire and even though I feel exhausted beyond all reason I start to cry. I cry because I can feel little whispers of the memories I now have. Memories of hearing my children's laughter, hearing them joke around with each other, and even argue a little bit. I can feel their little bodies pressed up against mine and it isn't fair that it isn't real. Just a haunting of what I'll never feel again. I wrap my arm around my stomach because of the burning and I keep crying. I'm sobbing so loudly I can't hear anything else. My other hand is lying palm down on the cold ground. My fingers are lightly digging at the dirt underneath them. I can feel it building underneath my fingernails but I don't care. I just want to go back to that place with all the stupid daisies, and the water hole and the big shady tree and be with my kids. But it isn't going to happen and I want to die.

It isn't fair! I was forced into that slayer dream with them, and now I'm stuck here! It was nice while it lasted but now I feel empty, and dead inside, and it hurts. You can't just dangle them in front of me like that and then rip them away. 'Oh here Buffy, here's what you want more then anything right now, but you can't keep so enjoy it while it lasts 'cause you're never going to see it again.' It isn't fair dammit! And it isn't fair for them either. Getting to spend that time with me, and then waking up to the hell that I know they're going through. They're just babies, they shouldn't be tortured like that. It isn't fair at all, and I don't think I want to live in a world that this cruel. As I slowly cry myself to sleep I pray that I have horrible nightmares because maybe if I have horrible nightmares waking up to this won't be seem so bad.


	54. Saving The Damsel In Distress

**The Same Night.** SPOV

"Will, don't worry. There's a way to get her back and we'll find it," I tell her and gently rub her back. She's exhausted from all of the stress and pressure that she's feeling right now. I wish I had her kind of power so I could help her with the spells. She may be all powerful, but she hasn't performed this many spells in this short amount of time, I'm pretty sure never. So it's just a big drain on her. And I gave a lot of my power to her but it wasn't enough. She's so far above me in the magic department that what I gave her might as well have been a grain of salt. Completely useless at the moment. She looks at me with the saddest look in her eyes that I've ever seen, and I was there to help her pick up the pieces after Kennedy left her so I've seen Willow when she was really depressed. But this look doesn't even compare to those.

"You can't know that. There's a way, I know there's a way I just can't think of it. None of us can think of it. And the other's haven't heard anything from the locals, and we only have a couple hours left before he does the last ritual. And when that happens then it'll be too late to save her." We've already come to the silent conclusion that if the demon does impregnate Buffy and we do find her before she gives birth and we somehow get close enough to tell her what's going to happen, then the person who gets that close is going to have to kill her. Not just to keep another one of these demons from being born, but to spare her all of the pain that she's going to go through when the offspring starts working its way out of her. From what Cordelia said, it's a very slow and extremely painful process that can last for days.

"Try doing that mind trip again." She's already tried fifteen times and every time she comes up blank. Whatever magic the demon is using it's strong, and she can't get around it. And if Willow can't get around it then there's very little hope for the rest of us. She opens her mouth to protest but I stop her. I may not be very domineering like a lot of the other slayers, but I'm very stubborn when I want to be. "Don't think, alright? Just close your eyes." She looks at me like I'm crazy. Thinking is what Willow does best, and I'm asking her not to do that? She must think I've gone insane.

"Close your eyes." I try not to sound too demanding or she might not listen. But she does listen, with a heavy sigh and a very unpleased look, but she closes her eyes. "Now imagine none of this is happening. Imagine we're in Australia on the beech, watching all of the surfers and hot blondes in tiny bikinis." Ha, I made her smile. That was the point of that little description. "And you want to brag to Buffy about what a good time you're having because she passed on going with us so you do your little mind trip to get a hold of her." I can feel the magic radiating off of her as she opens up the walls of her mind and reaches out for the head slayer. This chick is a legend to the rest of us. Her name alone inspires awe, respect, and sometimes a few giggles. Seriously, Buffy? What kind of name is that?

"I know where she is," Willow whispers and a look of relief and joy crosses her face. There's the Willow that I fell in love with. I have been in love with her for a long time, I just didn't say anything because she was still trying to contact Tara, and trying to get her back. I really didn't think I stood a chance against the love of Willow's life, and I'm totally happy with the way things worked out. "I know where she is!" She screams and jumps off of the floor. Everyone in the room holds their breath and we watch her run over to the table and write something down on a piece of paper. I get up and stand next to her and watch as she writes out a street name. What the hell?

"She's at Daisy Lane?" I ask and everyone looks at her like she's gone completely insane. Maybe it's possible. She has been pushing herself really hard. Maybe the magic went to her head and she's making this all up because she thinks it's true. What? It's possible. She gives my skepticism a little glare but I don't back down. I may not be domineering or demanding but I don't just back down like that. I love Willow, but she'll never be the boss of me, and I'm not going to let her think that with just one little glare I'll submit to whatever it is she's doing.

"She's not at Daisy Lane, no. This street is a dead end, and behind it is a patch of forest. This is the fastest way to get to it. There's a cave, the entrance is hidden by a couple of bushes but the surrounding area will have blue marks all over the tress and ground because these demons mark their territory by urinating around their space. There might be a really bad smell so we'll have to watch out for that too." I don't think I've ever seen her this excited before. If she hadn't already told me that she doesn't feel anything other then friendship for Buffy then I might be a little jealous. Nah, fuck it, I am a little jealous. I want to be able to make her that happy, and hopefully one day I will be able to.

I do think it's a little strange to me that it was only a week ago that Willow and I got together, and we haven't even had 'the talk' yet, and I'm already planning out a future with her. We have talked a lot the last few days, but not about anything really important. I think the most important thing she's said to me all this week was 'yeah right there, just a little faster'. Don't get me wrong, the sex with her is great. I've never been with another woman before and I had no idea it could be so great. But I want more then just sex with Willow. I want a life with her, I want us to eventually live together, and maybe have a kid or two. I've always wanted to be a mom, and so has she, and now obviously isn't the perfect time to have one, not just because of everything that's going on, but because we still haven't discussed anything. But hopefully one day soon because I've been in love with Willow for a really long time now and I really want to carry her children.

"Alright, we know where to find her, but how do we stop the demon? We can't just show up and knock on his door and ask to see her. Because unless these demons thrive on good hospitality I really don't think that's going to work," Kennedy says and I send her a tiny little glare, but nobody says anything. Doesn't anyone ever call her out on her bullshit? I don't know her at all so maybe she's only like this in stressful situations but I have a feeling that isn't the case. I'll keep my mouth shut for now 'cause we need to focus on getting Buffy back but there's only so much I can take before I'll snap back at her.

"I'm going to distract him while the rest of you get Buffy. It shouldn't be too hard once we get there. The magical defenses around the cave are weak enough that I should be able to get through if I'm close enough." Kennedy and I both start arguing that it's too dangerous for her to go, and at the same time we both stop talking and just glare at each other. Tension falls over the room as I look into her dark brown eyes and just fuckin hate her. I feel Willow's hand on my lower back but I ignore it. I used to be unbiased about the Kennedy situation. She didn't love Willow, she loves Cordelia so leaving probably was the best thing she could have done. But now I'm with Willow so things change. I can't just be in the same room now with the person who caused Willow so much pain. I can't just pretend that I didn't sit up for hours on end holding Willow while she cried over what Kennedy did.

"You two wanna put those things away before someone loses an eye?" Cordelia says and it snaps both us back to reality. I don't know Cordelia at all either, but from what I've heard about her she is something to be feared. Apparently she isn't just a person, she's a force of nature that will not be denied. And Kennedy looked away first so I won, no point in drawing it out even further when we have a rescue mission to go do. "Are you going to call in any other slayers or just the ones you have out looking for info?" That's a good question, how many of us are going up against this thing? I look to Willow for answers but she's interrupted before she can even get her mouth open.

"We'll call as many as we can. There are a few stationed less then half an hour away from here. They aren't the most experienced but they're all we've got at the moment," Giles says and takes off his glasses and starts cleaning them. Out of everyone in the room I sympathize the most with Giles. Buffy is like a daughter to him, and I can't even imagine what must be running through his head right now. He's probably going a little insane with worry. If my daughter was in the hands of some demon that was planning on raping her and the offspring is born by eating its way out of the mother, I know I'd be going insane. Then again I'm pretty sure if I ever do have kids and they are slayers I won't let them go slaying. I'll have their powers stripped and we'll live like a normal family. I know how dangerous slaying can be and I'm not going to let my children risk their lives for it when there are thousands of other girls out there.

I watch Willow close her eyes and a look of concentration falls over her face. It only takes her a couple of minutes to get in contact with not only the slayers in the surrounding area, but the three who are looking for info. So now what are we supposed to do, just wait? Is that the great plan? I know we can't go there alone, we do need more help, but this is just too much. We've been pushing ourselves to find answers and we finally do, so we should at least go check out the area! I guess Willow can sense by anxiousness because she holds onto my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. It doesn't calm me down though, if anything it just gets me more agitated. I don't like being touched when I'm feeling restless so I pull my hand away and take a couple of steps back. I don't look at her as I walk over and sit on the couch. I feel like a pouting teenager but I don't care. I'm not used to doing this. I'm not used to researching, and not knowing. I'm the action girl, the brains figure out how to kill the demon and I kill it. That's my job, it's what I do. This is just too frustrating.

"We should go there now." At least someone agrees with me. I don't even care that it's Kennedy, I just need to do something a little more proactive. "Willow can tell the girls where to go with the mind link, but we should at least explore the area because if you can't stop this thing, Will, then we're all going to be looking for a way out." I know she's making sense and we should go ahead and do that, but Willow doesn't like the sound of that. She tries to protest but Kennedy interrupts her. "We're going to do everything we can to save Buffy, but if the Ferreus turns on us then we'll need to get out of the way and fast so we can stay alive long enough to save her. You have no idea what this thing is capable of Willow, no fucking idea." Willow looks like she was just punched in the stomach or something. The room fills with a hot, nervous energy as the rest of us watch the show that's on display.

"I don't know what it's capable of?" She takes a couple steps towards Kennedy and I'm sure the others are fearing for her safety. "How about watching a stranger carry Faith in here and thinking she was dead? How about seeing the bones that were sticking out of her skin because this thing slammed her against a tree to make sure she wouldn't be able to walk?! How about tending to the cuts that go through her shoulder blade from where the demon picked her up?! How about finding out that this thing has my best friend and plans on using her as an incubator and the offspring's first meal?! Don't you dare say I don't know what this thing is capable of you fucking bitch!" She takes in a deep breath and her whole body seems to relax. She doesn't say another word as she stomps off to the bathroom and slams the door. Kennedy tries to go after her, but I bump into her on my way passed.

"Don't you think you've done enough?" I hiss at her and make my way over to the bathroom. I'm surprised that it's unlocked. I figured she'd want some privacy or something. I slowly open the door and give it a little know as I do. She's sitting on the edge of the bathtub, crying a little bit, with some toilet paper in her hand that she's using to wipe away at the tears. I walk in and close the door behind me. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want this scene shown to the other people in this hotel room. I put the toilet lid down and take a seat. I don't want to overstep my bounds since I'm not too sure where they are. I'm not even sure if it's a good idea being in here. I can't believe I'm going to say what I'm about to say. "Kennedy didn't mean it like that, Will. She just doesn't want you getting hurt." That's right, I just defended Kennedy. I feel like I need a shower. "This demon is powerful Will, maybe it would be best if-"

"Stop it. Don't you dare treat me like some newly called slayer. I've been through more apocalypses then you and Kennedy combined. The only person who's been through more of them then me, is Buffy. I may not have all that slayer strength and agility, but I'm powerful and I can protect myself." She isn't bragging, Willow never brags about her power. Sometimes I think she's ashamed of it because of what she had to do to get powerful enough in the first place. I offer her an 'I'm sorry' smile and slowly reach out and touch her hand. She doesn't pull away and I take that as a good sign but I tread lightly because Willow's emotions in stressful situations are unpredictable at best. "I need to be there to help save her. If I'm not there and she dies or you guys can't get her out then I feel like I failed, like I didn't do enough. I have to do everything I can to save Buffy. I owe her that much." I don't understand why, but I'm not going to question it. They're best friends, more then best friends, what they have goes way deeper then that, and I'll probably never understand it, so why try, right?

"Ok. I won't fight you on it, but just understand that we're worried about you? Cut us a little bit of slack?" She nods her head a couple of tears drip down her face and land on our joined hands. I bring them slowly to my lips and kiss the tears away. I know it's corny or whatever but we're going to be heading out soon, and as much as I want to get it over with I also want to avoid it because we don't know what's going to happen and I don't want my life with Willow to end before it even got the chance to start, and grow into something wonderful. She leans forward and sits down in my lap and I wrap my arms around her. I kiss her on the cheek and couple of times and memorize the taste of her tears. I know it seems a little weird, but we might die tonight, and I want to memorize everything about her. "Look, I'm not going to confess it right now because if I do then it'll seem like I'm only doing it because we might die tonight and I don't want you to think that I'm saying it because I won't have to deal with the consequences, but when we get back we really need to have a serious talk, ok?" She nods her head a looks a little confused. She isn't the only one who can babble really fast. There's a small knock on the door and it startles us both.

"Come on you two, we need to get going!" Kennedy yells out. I would be jealous and threatened, thinking that she just doesn't want me to be alone with Willow, but I heard the distracted sound in her voice. She was probably voted to come and knock on the door because the others were too afraid Willow would go all psycho on them with the magic. And I know that she wants to get back to Cordelia to say her goodbyes. Cordelia wants to go, and she's protesting that loud and clear, but Kennedy won't let her. This is dangerous even for a slayer and Cordelia isn't even that. Willow can defend herself that's why we're not putting up much of a fight on her being there with us, but if Cordelia goes she will die, or one of us will die trying to protect her, and those are two risks none of us are going to take. I kiss Willow on the lips and savor this little moment together. I memorize the soft feel of her thin lips, and the taste of her cheery lip gloss and try to forget about the impeding doom.

KPOV

It's strange thinking that tonight could be my last night on earth. I know I shouldn't be thinking that, that negative thinking can get you killed in battle. We're taught to lock away the bad thoughts, to beat back the nervousness, and complete a task: beat the bad guy, and don't die doing it. There have been many who have tried to accomplish this and failed. Their lives taken by the very thing that we, as slayers, fight every night and sometimes in the day. It's a battle that has been portrayed in many books, movies, comics, TV shows and sometimes in songs. The battle between good and evil. Most of the time it's simple. Stake to the heart, or a spell to poof away the villain. It's usually never personal. It's seen by many as a job, few still think that it's a sacred duty that they must fulfill. It's easy to stay detached from the fights because it's just a job, a duty, a calling however you want to describe it. But tonight is different because tonight it's personal. The pressure is on and I'm definitely feeling it.

"Everything's going to be ok," Cordy says and gently rubs my arm. She knows as well as I do that we can't guarantee that. We've been in this demon fighting business long enough to know the devastation that can happen, especially when someone gets cocky. Arrogance is a killer in this business because it makes you blind and at that point you're just asking to be killed. I stand up from the table and start to pace around a little. Everyone is on edge, especially Willow. She's putting the most pressure on herself because she's supposed to be this all powerful witch, ya know? At least that's the image she's created in her head. She does have a lot of power, more power then any one person has ever had before, but there are demons out there who are stronger then her. There are magics that not even she can control, and she needs to remember that and humble herself a little bit or she's going to take a lot of years off her life with all this pressure and guilt.

"Unless you got a vision that you're not telling me about, then no you can't know that. This is just so huge, and I can't get perspective. If I could just get some perspective then I'd be a little better but…it's Buffy. _The_ slayer. Faith's wife. Mother of three. She was like family to me for eight years, and I have to help save her. It's just too much for me to think about right now. I need to spend a few minutes not thinking about it." I sit down next to her at the table and hold onto her hand. This probably isn't the best time to bring this up but I might die tonight so I think it's worth mentioning. "Cordelia, you know I'm not good at giving speeches, my idea of giving someone motivation is telling them to get off their ass and do it, so bear with me." I take a deep breath and her looking at me all expectantly isn't helping. But I calm down and reach into my jacket pocket and pull out the little black box that I've been carrying around for weeks.

"Our relationship is far from perfect, we both know that. We're both stubborn, and blunt and impatient and hardly ever compromise on anything. I'm still searching to find a place where I feel at home, a place where we can both settle down, and we've had lots of arguments because I'm always so damn restless. But despite all our flaws we love each other. And that's the only thing that really matters." She's starting to tear up and I softly wipe the tears that try to roll down her cheeks. I open up the box and take out the ring. Buying this thing was no easy thing. I had to make sure she didn't find out about it, and she goes patrolling with me almost every night so I couldn't do it then. But I had Angel send her on some bogus mission that freed me up to go out and buy one. Picking out the ring took a lot longer then I thought it was going to. I want only the best for my girl. "Cordelia Chase, will you marry me?" She's just looking down at the ring, I don't even think she's breathing. Then she looks into my eyes, and she's crying a little. No sobbing or anything, just silent tears rolling freely down her flushed face.

"You're only proposing right now because you think you might die." I try to tell her otherwise but she won't listen to a word of it. I mentioned that we're both stubborn, didn't I? She silences me with a kiss that leaves me not only silent but breathless. "Kennedy, I can't give you an answer. Ask me again after this is all over." I nod my head a little bit and we kiss again. I can taste her tears and mine are coming into the mix. This is the first time in a really long time that I've actually been afraid of a demon. Angel sends us out to fight to track down and kill the violent ones that don't want to stick to L.A. but there have been a few times when I was afraid that I wouldn't survive the fight. This is one of those situations, and in every situation I never want to leave. I never want to walk about the door and into the uncertainty. The not knowing if I'm going to come back to her or not. Maybe Faith and Buffy have the right idea, maybe the only safe way to slay is to not slay at all.

"Kennedy, we have to go now," I hear Willow say and I end the kiss. I rest my forehead against Cordy's and she's starting to sob a little. I almost feel like a solider kissing their significant other goodbye to go fight a battle. And that's exactly what I'm doing, only without the tacky outfit and uncomfortable helmet. "I love you," she whispers and I whisper it back. "Be safe." I'll try, babe, trust me I'll try. I give her one last kiss and I stand up and wipe away the tears before I turn to face Willow, and Sky. Fuck, that chick bugs the hell out of me. This is your territory we all get it, now stop pissing all over it for Christ's sake. If she could mark this place or Willow anymore she'd just get a sharpie marker and write 'property of Sky' all over them. Oh well, if she wants to be pissed at me I'm not gonna stop her.

She thinks I'm just so evil because I left Willow, and she was devastated and it took her a long time to get over it. I never wanted to hurt her, but I had to because my heart wasn't in it. I should have just come out and told her that first week after the battle with the First. But that all happened a long time ago. Will and I made our peace, Sky's the one with the problem. And she should just back the fuck off because if I hadn't left Willow then we'd probably still be together and Sky wouldn't even know her let alone be dating her, or fucking her or whatever it is they're doing. Has she even thought of that? Maybe I'll bring that little fact up later on. If she keeps sending me death glares I'm going to. I don't want to 'cause I don't want Willow pissed at me, but there's only so much a person can take, ya know?

I don't bother picking out a weapon. I've fought this demon before and I know it'll be completely useless. My only mission at this point is to get in, get Buffy and get the hell out. Our only weapon is Willow's magic and I'm praying that it'll be enough. Look how long it took to get through the thing's magical shield. If her magic can't weaken this thing or at least hold it off then we don't have a chance in hell at saving Buffy, and hopefully we'll get out of their with all our appendages. But I'm not going to think about all that right now. I can't. The only thing I'm thinking about now is what I'm going to say to Cordelia when all of this is over. I've got to come up with a better speech when I propose again. I feel like shit that she shot me down like that, but she's right. The only reason I proposed is because I might not make it out of this alive. I do want to marry her though. Like I said I bought this ring weeks ago before this demon was even an issue.

"So," Willow says from the front passenger seat. Sky's driving and I'm in the back. I'm trying to stay focused but my mind always gets a little one tracked when I'm about to fight a tough as nails demon. "You and Cordelia seem to be getting serious." I just nod my head a let out a little 'yeah we are'. I'm still trying to come up with something to say. Even though Willow's doing her best to get rid of the tension that's built up, I still can't focus on anything else. "I never really pegged Cordy for the picket fence type. You really think she's going to settle down?" I look up at her through the mirror and give her a little look. So they were in the room when I said all that stuff. I guess my mind also gets one tracky when I'm about to make a life changing decision because I forgot everyone was in the room at the time.

"I don't know about picket fences, but she wants to find a place to call home. We're thinking about moving to Manhattan. New York could always use another slayer and Cordy's always wanted to go." I give a little look to Willow through the mirror and she just nods her head in understanding. Willow knows better then anyone that I don't like to be in one place for very long. The only reason I 'settled' with her was because of all the guilt from the Cordy thing. But I couldn't settle in Shasta Lake, there wasn't enough slaying and I was going crazy. So every couple weeks I'd make the almost seven hour drive up to Portland Oregon and stay there for a couple days and just slay. I look at the street sign that says Daisy Lane and I sigh as Sky makes the turn. I guess it's time to forget about all of this distracting stuff and focus on the demon. It's a welcomed distraction, trust me. The thought of getting married has always scared me shitless, and now that I'm thinking about it I'm starting to feel like I wanna back out.

"Remember, we're only looking around until the other slayers get here. If we see the demon we'll stay hidden. Unless he knows we're there and he tries to flush us out, then we'll run like hell until he backs off." Oh yeah, Willow, those words are so encouraging. Ok, I need to stop being a bitch. It's not her fault she's nervous and trying to ease our nerves by saying stuff that isn't very comforting. So Sky parks the car next to the curb and we all get out. Sky walks around and stands next to Willow and I stand next to Sky even though I don't really want to. But I see it like this: the more I'm physically close to Willow the more territorial Sky is going to get. So in theory if I stay away from Willow Sky will back off a little. It seems to work 'cause she hasn't sent me a death glare or said anything snarky since we left the hotel.

We walk down to the end of the sidewalk. Separating suburbia from the forest is a barbed wire fence. I rip the three strands of wire from the nearest post and pull them back the ten or so feet and wrap them around the other wooden post. Once we get Buffy we're going to have to run like hell, and this fence is hard to see in the dark. No use getting tangled in a fence and possibly ripped apart by an angry demon if we can help it. I can feel the power coming off of Willow as she reaches out with her mind a little bit. She isn't going into full blown mind link mode because that takes a lot of concentration. No, she's subtly using the link to track Buffy. She's opening her senses up to seek out any power in the area. She's done this countless times when she'd go to Oregon with me and we'd track down the tougher demons and not just the vampires. But I'm getting off track again, snap your fingers in front of my face the next time I do that, alright?

"You got a read on him yet?" I ask and look around. I can feel some evil back here. A vamp nest that I'll take care of later, and a couple harmless squatters. The demon population in Redding has never been that great or troublesome. Vampires don't like to set up shop here because most of the population is hooked on meth. It's not uncommon for vamps to use people as a filter for drugs. The human takes it, the vamps feed, and they both ride the high until it either wears off or the person dies. But meth is different because it's so addicting. The vamps can't handle it and the one who do feed off the junkies don't last so long. They don't die, it can't kill them, but it weakens them and other vamps will kill them and take over whatever hole they've been living in. There have been a couple demons that caused red flags but they were always after Buffy and or Faith. Since they left not much has been going on. Now they're back and this big, bad ass demon rolls into town, coincidence? I think not.

"Yeah," Willow squeaks out. She only squeaks when there's something we should be afraid of. I guess now that she's out here she can feel how powerful this demon really is, and she's scared. I resist the major urge to comfort her 'cause I don't want to start shit with Sky when we're about to go into battle. Wouldn't be the first time one slayer's killed in the line of duty because the other couldn't set aside personal issues. I really don't think Sky's that kind of person, but I'm not willing to risk it. Got a lady to get home to, ya know? So I try to keep myself from barfing as Sky reassures Willow. Once she's calmed down we move forward. The woods aren't as thick as I thought they were gonna be. That's good and bad at the same time. Less tress means more room to move and get out of the way of a swinging Ferreus fist, but it almost means less places to hide.

I don't know how long we've been walking but the further we go the more tension there is between us. We're all nervous about this battle for different reasons, and then the exact same reasons I guess. I still haven't been able to find some perspective on the whole situation so I'm still freaking out about being responsible for Buffy now. Even though it's not just me trying to rescue her, my head will be on the chopping block if we go back to that hotel and have to tell Faith that we couldn't get Buffy back. Who exactly will be holding the metaphorical axe and chopping off my head? Me. If I can't save Blondie, I don't think I'll get over the guilt. Faith will pretend to move on for the kids' sake but inside she'll be empty and I don't think she'll ever get over it. So I have to save Buffy, if not for Faith and then kids, then for my mental well-being.

We stop walking when we spot the cave. The entrance is covered with bushes just like Willow said, but it sticks out. Don't know about the other two, but I think the rancid smell and blue piss marks give it away. I spot a large rock and we all hide behind it. If we peek out from the top we can see the cave and hopefully we won't be spotted. Willow concentrates and does the mink link thing and tells the other slayers how to get here. They respond and tell her it'll take twenty minutes to get here from where they are. Hopefully we won't have to wait too long. Sitting at the belly of the beast is not a pleasant feeling, and I'll feel a little safer when we get reinforcements. Until then I'm going to be totally on edge. Then again I don't think I'm going to be able to relax until we get back to the hotel with Buffy. And even then only if she's ok. We have no idea what the demon could be doing to her right now. Great, now I'm panicking.

"You two stay here, I'm gonna try and see inside." They try to stop me but I ignore them. Buffy could be getting raped right now and if she is then we don't have time to wait for the others, we have to get the demon to dismount. I run from tree to tree and hopefully the demon won't look out the front of the cave and see me. It takes me about five minutes to get up to the cave. My heart is racing, my adrenaline is pumping, and all of my instincts are screaming that this is a bad idea. But I need to know if something bad is happening to her right now. So I creep up as close as I can do the door of the cave. I stop about six feet away from it. I'm not standing right in front of it, I'm not stupid. I'm by the side of the cave, so if the demon does poke his head out I'll have a couple of seconds to jump behind that tree. He'll probably hear it but at least then I'll have time to run.

Anyway, I stop and listen for a few minutes. I can hear Buffy crying, and it's not a pleasant sound. She keeps asking why. Over and over and over again. She isn't saying anything else. Just a little whispered 'why?' in between her sobs. Are we too late? Is she asking why the demon raped her? I need to know dammit! My curiosity gets the better of me and I slowly inch towards the entrance of the cave. I'm aware of everything that's going on around me. I can feel the gentle breeze as it lazily makes it way through this area. I can hear not only Buffy crying, but Sky and Willow whispering to each other. I can't make out their words or anything but that's fine. I can also hear moving inside of the cave, and I freeze. The footsteps are loud, and they sound heavy, which means something large. But the footsteps stop, and again all I hear is Buffy crying.

I get close enough to the door to see through the little crack. I can smell all sorts of things and some of them are a little disturbing. I can smell the dirt from inside. It's different then the wet dirt that's out here. I can still smell the rancid stench of the demon's urine. That's the one driving me a little crazy. It's kinda like when a dog pisses to mark it's territory, and another dog comes along and wants to claim that spot. I can smell the piss, only instead of wanting to piss over it, I want to go straight to the source and take it out. I can also smell Buffy's arousal. I know what she smells like because her and Faith don't change the sheets right away the morning after they have sex, and when I'd go over there just to hang out I'd always smell it. I can also smell some other things, magical herbs, I can't remember which ones exactly but I know that Willow has the same ones. Some other things that I can't exactly pinpoint, but I'm sure they have to do with magic. Shit like that always has something to do with magic.

Now that my eyes have adjusted to the dim light of the cave, I can see her. She's in a corner of the room, lying on the floor, her back is turned to me, and her entire body is shaking. She's in nothing but her underwear so that's a good sign. If he had raped her she'd be completely naked. So we still have some time before he performs the last ritual. The question is: how much time do we have? It's bugging the hell out of me, not just the question but the entire situation. She's right fucking there. I can see her, smell her, hear her loud sobs, but I can't do anything about it. I can't just go in there and grab her and run out. I would try it, but I know better. I lived with a witch for almost a decade so I know that the crystals set up on either side of the cave are used for the flow of electricity. He's keeping her in a little prison so she can't escape while he's busy preparing the rituals. How the hell are we going to get her out?

MPOV

I can't get back to sleep. I woke up after the dream I had with Mom and Addison. It wasn't just a dream they were really there. I know because I felt the little tingles on the back of my neck and that only happens when I'm around another slayer. The first dream I had was different, and when I woke up Addison was crying, and she said she saw a monster hurting Mommy. Then she ran away and went into Mama's room. All I did was sit there and think about what I saw. I saw a demon. A huge demon, bigger then grandpa Chris. He had gray skin that looked hard and cold, like metal or something. He had really sharp teeth too, and lots of 'em. But that's not why I freaked out. I've seen pictures of real demons, and lots of movies with fake ones so seeing it in my dream didn't scared me.

What scared me was what happened to my mom. I saw that she was in a cave. There were torches with fire on the ends, and they were hanging up on the walls. The cave wasn't very big so the fire made it easy to see. I saw my mom in a corner of the cave. She was naked, and her belly was really big, like before she had Joey. She was screaming and rubbing her stomach like she was hurt, but I couldn't see anything wrong with her. Then her nose started bleeding a lot, and she tried to wipe it away but it only smeared all over her face. And blood started coming out of her mouth, and she was coughing really bad and trying to breathe but she couldn't. Her face was turning purple 'cause she couldn't breathe, and then she started to get quiet and she laid down on the dirt floor.

Then four claws stabbed through her stomach from the inside. And she screamed and started kicking, I don't know why but she was. Then the claws moved down from the top of her stomach all the way to the bottom. Then another hand came out of her stomach and opened her up, and a little demon fell out. He was covered in blood, and he was making a weird clicking noise, like it was talking or something. I don't know, but the bigger demon started talking to it with that same clicking noise. I think the big demon is the little one's dad, but I'm not sure. Then he turned to my mom. She wasn't moving anymore and I know that she was dead. Anyway, he turned to my mom and started eating her. That's when I woke up.

I know that everything I saw is going to happen. I don't know how I know, I just do. And Addison does too. Grandpa Giles calls them prophetic dreams. I guess my mom would get them too whenever there was a really bad demon she had to fight. But I can stop the demon. I'm strong, stronger then all the other slayers. I can save my mom and everything will be ok again. And Mama will be so happy that Mom's ok that they won't fight anymore. They can be happy again, and I'm strong enough to make it happen. I know it's dangerous, and I know I will probably get hurt and I will get grounded but I have to try. I can't just lay here and do something. I can't just let my mom die. She's my mom. Who else is gonna make me a lunch for school, and put band-aids on my scrapped knees and make me feel better when I'm sad? No one that's who. And I'm not gonna save her just because of all that. No, I have to save her because if she dies then Mama will die from the sadness, and me and Addison and Joey will be all alone.

I get out of my bed and I do it very carefully. Addison has her own bed too but she was so freaked out from the dream that she snuck in my bed. She cuddled up to me like she does her teddy bear and she cried until she fell asleep. She's another reason why I have to do this 'cause even though she sticks to me like a fly on sticky tape but Addison is a mommy's girl. She won't be the same if Mom doesn't come back ok. Anyway, I get out of bed real slow and I'm careful so I won't wake Addison up. I sneak over to my duffle bag, and get out some clothes. I take off my pajamas and put on my jeans and t-shirt. I look over at the bed to make sure that Addison is still asleep. Normally when she sleeps she looks, I don't know, peaceful I guess. But not right now. Now she looks like she's having another bad dream. Hopefully it's just one of her normal bad dreams and not more stuff about Mom.

I put on my socks and shoes and slowly sneak over to the door. I heard aunt Willow and Sky talking about this demon earlier and they said that weapons will be no good because his skin is too strong. But one of the important rules of being a slayer is: never be without a weapon. So I need a weapon even if it's just a stake. I open the door real slow in case it creaks or something. I see grandpa Giles at the table and I guess he fell asleep 'cause his face is against a book and he's snoring a little. I don't see Cordelia anywhere so she's either in the bathroom or talking to Mama. I just hope she doesn't come back out until after I leave. I know she can't stop me. I'm stronger then her by a lot and if I want to leave then I'm gonna leave. But if she sees me then she'll get mad and tell Mama and I don't want her to worry about me. She has enough to worry about already.

I tiptoe into the main room and walk towards the bag on the small table by the couch. That's what the weapons are in. Aunt Kendy's weapons, but still weapons. I let out a little sigh of relief when I get to the bag without waking up Giles. But I think it's gonna take more then me sneaking around to wake him up 'cause he has a half empty bottle of alcohol next to his hand. I open the bag really slow in case something falls out of it. I dig around a little bit until I find a stake. Why doesn't she have a lot of those? You'd think she would 'cause she's a slayer. But no, crossbows and axes is what she likes best. I guess she just likes to look cool while she slays. A lot of slayers are like that. They like to show off. I guess I'd be more like my mom, 'cause when I start slaying I just want to get it over with.

Anyway, I grab a stake and sneak back into the bedroom. I can't just walk out the front door because someone might see me and try to stop me. I'm going to leave no matter what anyone says or does and I don't want to have to hurt someone. We're not supposed to hurt humans but I will if I have to. I go into my bedroom and look over at the bed. Addison is still sleeping. I hope she stays asleep. I don't want her to wake up and me not be here. She'll get so scared, she'll probably cry and run into Mama's room and tell her that I'm gone. I don't want anyone to find out I left until I come back. They'll worry less that way. I walk over to the bed and watch Addison for a couple of seconds. She still doesn't look peaceful. She still looks like she's having a nightmare. I give her a little kiss on the forehead 'cause there is a chance I won't come back and I go over to the window. I open it up and look down. We're on the third floor so that's a thirty-foot drop I'm looking at. Maybe I should try just walking out the door.

I climb up on the windowsill and sit down. I have to be very careful 'cause if I fall I could get hurt really bad. I grip the stake even tighter so I won't drop it, and I push myself away from the building. For a couple seconds it feels like I'm just sitting in the air, like I'm not moving or anything. But then I start to fall. I bend my knees and try to get ready for the landing. When I hit the ground I fall forward 'cause I didn't have my legs in the right position. I don't get up right away. I wait to see if anyone is gonna run out and see if I'm ok. I don't think anyone is coming. Good, they would have gotten in the way. So, I slowly stand up and dust myself off. I just had to land on a dirty part of the sidewalk. Oh well, it's not like it matters, they're just clothes. Now, where is my mom? I heard everyone talking about Daisy Lane, but I don't know where that is.

But I can feel the demon. Not so much the demon, but I feel the evil. My body wants to run to it, to fight against it, and to win. I close my eyes and let my slayer senses take over. I slowly take in a deep breath and hold it for a couple seconds. In my mind I can see the streets, almost like a GPS system or something. I can see all of the vampires, and some demons, but my mind keeps going. It goes passed a lot of stores, and fast food places, until the streets are different. They aren't filled with stoplights and lots of cars, nope. These streets are lined with houses, and everyone in the houses are sleeping, and have no idea what's going on right now. Then my mind turns onto another street, and the sign says it's a dead end road. It goes all the way down until it reaches a fence, and it goes passed that and into a little forest. I can see all the trees and smell all the plants, and hear the other slayers whispering to each other. Then I see a cave, and I don't have to guess what's inside 'cause I already know. Inside is the demon and my mom.

I open my eyes and start running. I follow the path that my mind mapped out for me. I remember everything that it showed me, and I know where to go. I do get a little confused at some parts because a lot of the streets look the same, but all I have to do is close my eyes and concentrate and the little GPS comes back and I know where to go. I don't know if Addison can do it or not, but I think she will be able to when she's a little older. I think it's all apart of having two slayers for parents. I'm stronger, faster, and have a couple more powers then all the others. It's not like I brag about it. I haven't told anyone about the little mind map thing that I can do, and I haven't told them how strong I really am. Whenever I spar I always hold back even though Mama tells me not to. I know that they'd send me to the slayer school if they find out how strong I really am. So I can't let them know.

I finally see the street sign called Daisy Lane, and right under it is a little sign that says 'Dead End'. I guess that's a good way to put what I'm about to do. I'm stronger then my moms, sure, but they've been fighting a lot longer then me. They've actually slayed stuff, and stopped the world from ending. All I've ever done is spar. And all the teachers at the school, and my moms are always saying that it doesn't really matter how strong you are, but how much experience you have, and how much training you've had. Well, I've had lots of training, but I don't have any experience. So all I'm sayin is this could go either way. I could kill the demon and save my mom, or I could get killed by the demon. It's kinda scary. Ok it's very scary. I've never been dead before so I don't know what it's like. I don't know if there really is a heaven or not. Nobody knows for sure. Everybody thinks they know where we go when we die, but not for sure. There's no proof, just believing.

I stop thinking about all that when I hear something scream. It sounded like aunt Willow. I start running for the end of the street. I'm not trying to be quiet or anything, but I guess it's natural for me. I'm running faster then I ever have before but I'm not making a sound. Sometimes being a slayer comes in handy. I don't want anyone hearing me when I first show up, 'cause if they hear me before they see me then they'll try and stop me. And if they work together they can stop me. Kennedy and Sky could hold me back, or aunt Willow's magic. She's stronger then all of them put together when she using that damn magic. Anyway, I run down the sidewalk, and when I get to the end I don't stop and try to find a whole in the fence, I just jump over it, and keep running when I hit the ground. My heart's beating a mile a minuet, and I'm starting to sweat a little, but I'm not tired. I don't think I've ever felt like this before in my entire life. I can't describe it, but I don't want the feeling to go away.

I stop when I see the others. The demon is holding aunt Kendy by the neck and Sky is trying to get it to let go. So is aunt Willow, but her magic isn't strong enough. I grip the stake in my hand a little tighter. I can't hold it too tight or it'll break. That's happened before when I was training. I just said that the stake was old and that's why it broke. Luckily grandpa Chris believed me. I don't think either one of my moms would have 'cause they throw out the old stakes and make new ones. Anyway, I hold on tight to the stake and start running at the demon. No one hears me coming and I'm glad. It's going to make this a lot easier. When I get close enough I jump at the demon. I land on his head and I was going so fast that he starts to fall backwards. He lets go of aunt Kendy and grabs onto me. He tries to pull me off put I'm holding on tight. I have to let go though, 'cause hanging onto his head isn't going to do anything but make him mad. I brace my feet on the demon's chest and push off really hard. When I land I see the demon stagger back a little but it doesn't fall down.

I hear the others screaming at me, telling me to run away and asking what the hell I'm doing here. I ignore them though. I look into the demon's eyes and he's ignoring the others too. I guess this demon plans on taking out the strongest ones first, and now he wants to take me out. I'm a still a little scared, but excited at the same time. I can't wait to really fight this demon. Not just because he took my mom, and hurt her, and plans on making a baby with her. I'm not stupid I know how babies are made. But just because he's a very evil demon and I'm a slayer. We start to circle each other, and I get really low to the ground kinda like a leopard before they pounce. That's kinda what I feel like right now, some big cat going up against an enemy. Like on National Geographic when they showed a leopard fight a lion. The lion won, but the leopard looked way cooler before they started fighting.

Anyway, we're circling each other and I'm looking for a weakness. The demon is covered in the armor skin, so how am I going to hurt it, if it can't be hurt? Then I see it, the weakness that I've been looking for. It has the armor on the outside, but not its insides. It doesn't have any armor in its mouth, or inside its throat. The sharp teeth are going to be a problem, but maybe I can work around that. Its body is very strong, but how strong are its jaws? It hasn't tried to bite anyone that I know of, so maybe the teeth are just to make it look scarier then it really is. I take a couple steps towards the demon and it starts running for me. So I lunge at it and it hits me in the side and I go flying. I land against a tree and the wind gets knocked outta me. I have to wait a couple seconds until the spots finally go away. Aunt Willow is trying to hold the demon back with her magic, but it isn't working. I don't see Sky or aunt Kendy anywhere, so they're probably in the cave trying to get my mom. Hopefully they are 'cause that fucking hurt. I don't think I'm going to be able to kill the demon and get my mom out of the cave.

I jump up off the ground and the demon is walking towards me. I look around and see my stack about five feet away from me. I wait for the demon to get closer because what I'm going to do is kind of stupid, but I need him closer. When he's about six feet away I dive for my stake. When I grab it I jump up, and the demon is only four feet away. I run at him but then duck low at the last second and run under his legs. I turn around and jump on his back. I wrap one arm around his neck, my legs around his chest, and I hold on like I might die if I don't. He's trying to grab me but he can't reach back far enough. I lift myself up a little higher so I can see over his shoulder. My aim needs to be perfect 'cause when he figures out what I'm trying to do he'll block every chance I get.

I lift the stake up high and drive it towards the demon's face. I feel it go inside his mouth, and he stops making all the clicking noises. He grabs onto my arm and clamps down. I feel the bone break and I scream. I've never broken a bone before and it hurts like a bitch. He throws me as hard as he can and I go flying through the air and hit a large tree. I slide down it, and I can feel the bark tearing through my clothes and scraping my skin. My mom is not going to be happy about that. Dirt can be washed out of clothes, but now this shirt will have to be thrown away. I land on the ground head first and the rest of my body falls with a loud thump.

I look up a little bit and see the demon staggering around. He's trying to get the stake out of his mouth, but he can't. Then he falls forward, he hits the ground so hard that a couple of trees next to him shake a little. He stops moving and I know he's dead. I know he's dead because that pull I was feeling earlier is gone. There's no more big evil around here. I groan a little bit 'cause my head hurts real bad. I can't keep my eyes open anymore, and then everything goes black.

DPOV

I don't understand, Buffy should have been here half an hour ago. Where is she? I'm being released today. I don't want to be but he hospital won't let me stay here anymore. At least not without being admitted to the psych ward. If I'm admitted there then I could be declared an unfit mother, and my babies could be taken away from me. I know it seems like I've been neglecting them, but I haven't. Ok, so I have a little, but only because I knew that the nurses would take care of them. I needed that time to myself to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do. My fiancé left me, I delivered my boys, and I got an offer to move to a different state. I needed time to think.

I still don't know what I'm going to do, and I don't think this feeling hopelessness is going to ever go away, but I have to at least try to numb it. My boys are innocent in all of this, it would be wrong of me to take it out on them. I was feeling a little confident earlier because I felt like I could count on my big sister to be here for me and help me out, but she isn't here and she should have been here…forty-five minutes ago. Maybe I shouldn't depend on her as much as she says I can. I mean, she has her own family to worry about now, it's not like she has to look after me anymore. I'm twenty-eight years old I should be able to take care of myself. Well, I can take care of myself, it's taking care of two newborns that's the problem.

I used to babysit Matthew all the time before they moved to Nevada. But that was totally different. If he was crying or upset, or sick or something I just had to put up with it for a little while, and then Faith and Buffy would come back and take him home and they'd have to deal with it. I don't know how to get a baby to stop crying. I don't know how to comfort them when they're sick or when they get hurt because I've never done this before. I was never scared like this before because I thought that Kyle would still be here. I knew he was going to be mad when he found out about the boys, but I thought we'd be able to work it out. I guess not considering he took off and he hasn't been back. I know it's my fault, I have no one to blame but myself. I should never have cheated on him, and I should have told him from the beginning that the boys are not his, but I didn't. When I screw things up I do it a hundred and ten percent, at least I have no thing going for me. I hear a little knock at the door, and I look up and smile a little despite everything bad that's happened in the last week or so.

"Hey, how's my favorite Summers woman?" Xander says and walks in the room. I get off the bed and give him a big hug. It hurts my boobs 'cause they're all sore and sensitive but I don't care. It feels good having him around. He's like the big, protective brother I never had. He hugs me back and we just stand here for a few minutes in complete silence. I breathe in his scent and smile a little. He wears the same cologne now that he did back in Sunnydale when I was just a fourteen-year-old schoolgirl with a fat crush on him. I remember lying awake at night wishing I could be surrounded by this scent all the time. All that seems so freaking long ago.

"I'm doing ok, considering my fiancé left me, my sister still hasn't shown up, and I'm now a single mother of twins. Yep, doing great, couldn't be better." I was going for enthused but it came out sarcastic. I really didn't want to sound like that because Xander didn't mean anything by it. He wasn't here for the big reveal like the others, so he doesn't know that Kyle left me, that my boys are products of infidelity, that my life as I know it has come to an end, and I'm going to have to start this new life of changing diapers, getting no sleep, and being alone. I should really stop complaining. For one: I'm starting to annoy myself, and two: I have no one to blame in all this but myself. I think I've said that before so I'm not going to say it again. I really don't like repeating myself. Besides, I'm going to raise twin boys, I'm going to be repeating myself a lot when they're older.

"What do you mean you're fiancé left you? Where's Kyle at?" And here comes the protective brother. I wasn't just using a figure of speech when I said he gets protective. You should have seen him when he found out I had lost my virginity, I thought he was going to try and kill Michael. But then Xander remembered that I was eighteen, and Michael could bench press almost three hundred pounds, and he took boxing classes twice a week and was the top in his division. The fact that Michael could've killed him made Xander calm down really quick. Well that and Willow used her magic to seal the door shut so nobody could leave the apartment. We were all trapped there for two hours until he finally calmed down enough.

"I don't know where he is, and don't get mad, ok? It's all my fault." He says that Kyle leaving isn't my fault, that just because I got pregnant and gave birth doesn't mean Kyle could chicken out and leave me. I don't say anything because I know that when Xander starts ranting like this, actions are better then words when it comes to quieting him down. So I walk over to the plastic basinet and pick up Alex and unwrap the blanket a little so Xander can see him. He stops talking almost instantly. His mouth hangs open and he makes this high pitch squeaking noise like he's trying to form words but they just won't come. "It's my fault he left Xander. A few months ago I cheated on him, and lied to him about the babies. I let him think that they were really his, when they're not. He found out, and left, and then I went into labor. So please don't trash talk him. He has every right to not want anything to do with me anymore." My eyes water up and my voice got really shaky.

Xander walks over and wraps his arms around me the best he can since I'm holding a little baby. He doesn't want to suffocate him so he's careful but comforting at the same time. After a minute or two Alex starts to cry. That's one of the differences between him and Nick. Nick doesn't mind being held, or snuggled really close, but Alex doesn't care for it. He wants to eat and then sleep and that's it. Being held doesn't really bother him but the snuggling pisses him off pretty quick. I can already tell that this mother thing is going to be so much fun. And yes that was supposed to be very sarcastic. He rubs my back a little bit and gives me a kiss on the top of my head before he lets go.

"If Buffy was supposed to pick you up then it's safe to assume you don't have any car seats with you?" he asks and I nod my head and the tears away from my eyes. I tell him that she was supposed to stop by my house and get them before coming here. "Don't worry about it. Katie wasn't sure if you had gotten any yet or not, so for our welcome home gift we bought matching seats. They're still in the car if you want to get out of here." I nod my head a little and put Alex back in the basinet now that he's calmed down. I try calling Buffy's cell phone more time from the phone in the room, but she doesn't answer. She probably left it in Nevada. I wait in the room while Xander goes and gets the seats. Some of the nurses come by and say goodbye to my boys. I thank the nurses for taking care such great care of them. I really did need that time just to recover from the birth and to try and come to terms with the reality I'm going to face when I go home today.

"Ok, I think we're all ready to go," Xander says when he walks back in the room with the seats. There's nothing special about them, they're just you're everyday, run of the mill, plastic car seats. The ones I have at home are almost exactly the same, I got the green ones because I wanted to wait for the birth to find out what the sexes are. So I only bought neutral colors: greens, yellows, sky blues, those kinds of colors. The only clothing I bought are onesies. It's June and summers in Redding get really hot so they're probably going to be sporting the diaper only look for a while. I'll wait until autumn to buy them the really warm clothes. If they need them. I still don't know if I'm going to move to Nevada or not.

The car ride from the hospital to my house is a long one. I don't live very far away from the hospital, but there's a lot of traffic so it's taking forever. Or maybe it just seems like it? I'm not sure. I can't really be sure of anything anymore. I never thought I'd cheat on Kyle, I thought we'd be together forever, and look at what happened. I opened my legs for someone else, and he left me. And Michael is already gone, I don't have his number or address, no way of tracking him down, so it's like I could tell him he's a daddy even if I wanted to. I still don't think I want to. If there's any chance of getting back together with Kyle, Michael being around could ruin that. I know Kyle won't want him around, and if Michael knows about his sons he'll be around. I told Buffy that he wouldn't want to move all the way up here, but I know he would. He's a great guy, always has been, even if he is a little…damaged. He didn't have the best childhood growing up, and he was always a little disturbing, and morbid but he's still a great guy.

At least he was when I knew him. It's been a little over ten years since we broke up, and I went off to college, so he could be totally different. But when we were together he was always so…amazing, and respectful, and sometimes a little overbearing, but I'd let him know that he was getting controlling and he'd back off. He didn't have any control over what happened when he was a kid, so he had control issues when he was a teenager, and he probably still does, but all I had to do was point out that he was getting a little over the top and he'd calm down. He treated me like a princess. Even when we slept together for the first time. Most guys are total pigs, but he made it all about me, and making me feel safe, and comfortable. And yeah it hurt because he's very…well endowed, but he was gentle, and he made me feel special.

It was that feeling that came rushing back to me when he kissed me goodbye. All I had to do was look into his eyes and that feeling came back, and it was so powerful that it made me go completely brain dead. Having him inside me again made me feel like I've never felt before. There was pleasure, but that died when the shame settled in. I let him finish, I started it no use in punishing him because I'm the whore. I didn't get any satisfaction out of it. I faked it though because he's male and their egos bruise easy. Afterwards I pulled a shameful regret that the Lifetime channel would have been proud of. I took a shower so hot that it burned parts of my skin and I still have some scars. I used the loofah to try and wash the shame away, but all it did was make my skin chaffed and gross. Then I laid in bed and cried for a while. After that I went into the living room and straightened up. I didn't want Kyle suspecting anything. And as soon as he got home I practically jumped him.

Since I don't work on the weekends we stayed in bed for those two days. He was a little suspicious because I'm never really been that…horny, but I told him that I was ovulating and if we wanted to have a baby then we had to take advantage of those two days. Turns out I was right, I had been ovulating, but Michael was in my system first, so he's the one that fertilized me. God, just look at how I'm wording all of that. Textbook terms, and no emotion. This isn't how it was supposed to happen. Kyle was supposed to get me pregnant, and after the baby came we were going to get married. We were going to start a family and be together forever. And now he hates me. He couldn't even look at me without his eyes literally glowing with anger. I deserve it though because what I did was way beyond wrong.

Xander pulls into my driveway and it snaps me back to reality. Just looking at my front yard I'm hit with a bunch of memories. The first one that comes to mind is the last Fourth of July that Kyle and I had together. We did the whole bar-ba-que thing out front because the landscaper had torn up our backyard and wouldn't be finished with it for another couple of weeks. But it was nice. I brought out the boom box, and we listened to music while he cooked the food, and since he isn't used to doing things the human way he caught the grill on fire, and I used the garden hose to put the fire out, and then we got into a water fight. It started with me spraying him a little for ruining the food, but then it turned playful, and he chased after me while I ran backwards so I could spray him. We were both laughing and soaking wet by the time he got the hose away from me, and started spraying me. My shirt was completely soaked and that water was really cold so the girls were very perky. Our neighbor's sons enjoyed that a little too much. I couldn't really blame them though because they are teenage boys, and I wasn't wearing a bra under that shirt.

Xander shuts off the car and just sits there. He doesn't make a move to get out and I know he's waiting for me to do or say something. I don't want to move, but I don't want to talk even more. I unbuckle my seatbelt and get out of the car. A couple seconds later Xander gets out and takes one of the car seats. I get the other one and we walk up to the house. The door is a dark red, even though the rest of the house is a light yellow. I wanted something distinctive since all of the other houses on this street are a light yellow. I don't think Kyle and I have ever fought about something for as long as we did about this damn door. He wanted a plain white door, something reasonable and sane. But I wanted the red so everyone would know that this is our house. When Buffy, Faith and Kennedy lived here I never knew when my house was going to be turned into a slayer H.Q. and I wanted them to be able to find it quickly without having to wake up any of my neighbors.

I unlock the door and we walk inside. I ignore the feeling of emptiness that the house has to offer. I also ignore the dust. I put the car seat down on the table and leave the baby inside because he's sleeping and I don't want to wake him up. Xander does the same and then goes back and closes the door. He turns on the overhead light and looks at me with a sympathetic look. I look away because I don't want people looking at me like that. That's how they looked at me after my mom and Buffy died, and I don't want to ever see it again. I walk into the kitchen because that's where the cordless phone lives. I glance at the clock on the microwave and it's two thirty in the afternoon. Buffy was supposed to pick me up at noon. I pick up the phone and dial Faith's cell phone number. Buffy probably forgot hers back in Nevada but I know Faith would never leave the house without hers. Someone else answers with a very chipper 'hello?' and I don't recognize the voice.

"Hi, is Faith there?" I ask and my eyebrows furrow a little bit. Why is some strange woman answering Faith's cell phone? Is Faith cheating on my sister? If she is I'm going to kill her. Those were not idol threats I've been making ever since they got together. After all of the shit Buffy's been through pretty much her entire life she deserves happiness and someone to love. Not someone who's going to cheat. Not someone like me. Alright, I need to calm down. Faith wouldn't cheat on Buffy. If anything this is just some other slayer who answered her phone because she's too busy. I wonder if they need my help researching? It would be a perfect excuse to get out of the house, and keep my mind off of everything I should be thinking about right now.

"Yeah she's here, but she's not awake right now. You're Buffy's sister right?" I tell her yes and then she goes on to explain. "Well, I don't know when they're going to wake up. We had a demony situation and they're both pretty beat up. The painkillers will have them out for a few hours. Do you need any help with the little ones? 'Cause Kennedy and Cordelia are more then willing to help if you need it." Kennedy and Cordelia are back? When the hell did that happen? I swear you go in the hospital for a couple days and the entire world decides to change on you. I turn down the offer though because Xander is here and he won't leave until he knows I'll be ok. So it's safe to say he'll never be leaving. "Look, I gotta go, but I'll have Faith or Buffy call you when they wake ok?" I tell her that's fine and we say goodbye and I hang up the phone. I think that was Sky but I'm not sure. So there was a big bad demon that tried to destroy the world? Well, maybe not but if they called in Kennedy and Cordelia for help then it must've been something like that or just as bad.

I almost wish the world would end, at least then I wouldn't have to deal with all of this. I know I shouldn't talk like that. I'll get through this somehow. I guess I was starting to cry or something because Xander is hugging me now. I can feel the sobs shaking my body, and I can feel the tears on my cheeks, but I can hear anything. It's like I've gone deaf or something. I close my eyes and just let Xander try to comfort me. It isn't going to work because he isn't the one I need right now. Kyle coming back for good would be the only thing that would make me feel better. Nothing else is going to, and I almost don't want them to try because it's just reminding me of what I want but can't have. I wish my mom was here. She'd be able to make me feel better. She'd be able to help me forget about all this bad stuff, if only for a little while. I don't care that I'm a grown woman, I want my mommy.


	55. Getting Back On Track

**Later That Evening.** FPOV

I groan as I slowly wake up. What the fuck happened to my head? It feels like someone dropped a truck on it. I rub my eyes with both my hands, which does nothing but cause more pain. I yawn really wide and slowly open my eyes. When did I fall asleep? The last thing I remember is being in here talking to Cordelia. I was freaking out because the rescue team still wasn't back, and time was runnin out. The demon was going to do the last ritual and rape Buffy. Cordy tried to calm me down but when I get like that no one can get me to be calm. And she ordered some hot chocolate 'cause she said it would help. Oh my God. That bitch slipped something into my drink. I'm so going to kill her! I try to sit up but there's some weight on my right side. I look down and Addy is clinging onto me tighter then a vise. She's still asleep, surprisingly 'cause she's a really light sleeper. Just like Buffy. She must've had a nightmare and came in here for comfort or something. Why didn't she go to Mattie? I mean, I'm glad she came to me, but she never comes to me when she's scared, it's always B or Mattie.

I carefully unwrap her little arms from my body and slide to the end of the bed. My knee doesn't hurt as bad. I'm gonna have a limp, no doubt about that, but it'll go away. I slowly stand up and put most of my weight on my good leg just in case. I test out my hurt knee and it can hold weight without any pain. Good, it's getting better. That whole 'being in pain' thing was getting very irritating. I take a couple steps forward towards the door, but I stop when I hear a voice on the other side. It makes me look over at the clock on the bedside table, and I really want to kill Cordelia now. It's six thirty pm. PM! I've been asleep since last night. They came back and I wasn't awake for it. The Queen C better be running for the hills or death by strangulation is going on her coroner's report. I open the door and I'm blinded by the bright lights. After a few seconds they adjust and what I see leaves me confused.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again!" B yells at Mattie. She's on her knees, and he's standing right in front of her, and she's holding onto his arms. She's crying, and breathing really hard. She pulls him forward and wraps him up in a big hug. He hugs her back without saying a word. He's crying too. What the fuck happened while I was out? Did I wake up in another dimension? 'Cause that would totally suck. I take a closer look at Mattie 'cause somethin caught my eye. He isn't wearing a shirt and his back is all fucked up. There's scratches all over, but they look like they're almost healed. I think I'm starting to understand what happened, I just don't want to believe because if it's true I'm not just going to kill Cordelia, definite torture will be involved. Ok I need to break this up 'cause Mattie's face is starting to turn blue.

"Baby," I say and kneel down next to them. My knee fuckin screams out against it, but I ignore it. This pain thing is really annoying. "Buffy, babe, Mattie needs to breathe." I pry her arms off him and she clamps onto me. I'm glad that she did because for a while I thought I was never going to see her again. Now she's back and we're in the middle of the room holding onto each other like if we let go we'll die or something. I can't hold back the tears as they work their way down my cheeks. Buffy's face is now hidden in my neck. I still think my neck is her favorite hiding spot. Whenever things get too overwhelming I'll try to comfort her and she'll hide her face in my neck, and just breathe in the smell of my perfume until she calms down. And how stressful things have been for her lately I don't think she's going to be lettin go anytime soon.

I'm gently rubbing her back and whispering to her how much I missed her and how scared I was. I leave a little kiss on her ear, and I feel a couple of tears creep outta her eyes and land on my warm skin. I pull back and give her a quick kiss on the lips. But that one quick kiss turns into a little more. It lingers and we start to gently massage our lips together. Then she starts to nibble on my bottom lip and it brings me back to reality. I pull back, and end the kiss. She looks a little disappointed but then she blushes with embarrassment when she hears Giles cough to get our attention. We get off the floor, and sit down at the table. Mattie stands next to me, and I reach over and pull him into my lap. He doesn't lean against me like he normally would. His back must still hurt. What the fuck happened to him?

"Mattie what happened to your back?" I ask and look up at the front door when I hear it open. Sky, Willow and Kennedy walk in and they all look a little worst for wear. Kennedy's sporting some scratch marks on her face, four deep ones, but they don't look like something from the demon. I think if that thing had scratched her face there wouldn't be much of it left. Anyway, Mattie tenses up a little and B doesn't look too pleased. "Why were you yellin at him?" I ask her in a curious tone. B doesn't yell at the kids unless they've done somethin to upset her. She doesn't answer me, instead she gives Mattie a stern look and he tenses up even more. Ok, so what the fuck happened while I was unconscious? I sigh a little when Addy starts crying in the bedroom. B stands up before anyone else can even blink. She walks over to me and gives me a little kiss on the cheek.

"I'll take care of her," she says softly, and then she looks at Mattie and her entire demeanor changes to fuckin steel. "You tell the truth, alright?" He nods his head a little bit and she leaves the room all pissed off and shit. The tension doesn't leave with her either. Everyone is silent, and the only thing we can hear is Addy crying, and Giles cleaning his glasses. I'm about to say somethin to break the silence, but Mattie slides off my lap and sits in the chair across from me. Whatever he has to tell me he's gonna say it to my face instead of hiding with is back turned. It makes me proud seein my little boy acting more like a man. He's only nine, he won't be ten until next month, but he's acting like an adult. So yes, I am filled with pride even though whatever he did is probably gonna have a consequence, like groundation or somethin. The others are all tense too, like they already know the story and they're all anticipating my reaction or something. And five bucks says they are.

"I killed the demon," he whispers. He won't look me in the eye. He's picking at a little chip in the table and concentrating on that. He's nervous, I get that. Answering to authority figures always made me kinda nervous when I was little. Then again I always had my dad to turn to afterwards and he'd baby the fuck outta me. Wait…did he just say that he killed the demon? Like the fuckin demon that almost killed me? I yell out 'what?' and everyone tenses even more. Ok, so that wasn't the best reaction but that was a fuckin shock. "I snuck out, and I found where the demon was keeping Mom, and I fought the demon, and I killed it." He sounds like he's on the brink of tears, but I really can't force myself to care about that right now.

"Why would you do something like that?" I yell and stand up. I can't help it. I am relieved, don't get me wrong. I'm glad that Buffy's back, and I'm glad they're both ok, but I'm pissed that he would put himself in danger like that. And I'm pissed that I wasn't awake to stop him. The anger is coming from fear because last night I didn't almost lose Buffy, I almost lost Buffy and our son. The anger and fear are stronger then the relief and it's fuckin controlling me at the moment. "Why didn't you just leave it to Kennedy and Sky and Willow? They know what they're doing! You're just a kid, Matthew, what the fuck makes you think you can go up against something like that? You could've fucking died doing what you did! You know better then this, you know you're not supposed to go slaying until you're older!" He jumps up out of the chair and tries to make himself taller and look bigger by puffing out his chest. He's angry, downright pissed off. I snapped at him, and now he's gonna snap back.

"So I was just supposed to let Mom die?" he yells and slams his fist down on the table. It cracks at the contact and he didn't even feel it. "I'm not just a kid, I'm a slayer! And I'm stronger then Kendy and Sky and you! This was all your fault! You knew she wasn't ready to go slaying again 'cause she just had Joey but you let her do it anyway!" Not this shit again. For whatever reason he thinks I'm in charge of what B does, like I control her every fuckin move or something. If Buffy wants to go slaying then she's going slaying and no one can tell her otherwise. She's a grown woman, she can make her own decisions, but Mattie thinks someone, someone being me, should choose for her. I think he sees her more as an equal to him, instead of an adult and it is not a comforting feeling thinking that.

"Your mother makes her own decisions, and this is not my fucking fault! And I don't care how bad ass you think you are, you're a kid first and a slayer second! And you are not allowed to just run away and put yourself in danger just because you think you can do better! You're too young to be doing shit like that! You could have died. Do you even realize that? You got lucky with that demon, but what if you hadn't been? He would have ripped you apart! Or what if a vampire found you when you left without telling anyone where you were going? You could be dead right now and none of us would even know it!" Now that I got most of the anger out, I take a deep breath and try to calm down. I am proud he killed the demon, you have no fuckin clue how good that's makin me feel. But again, the anger is just so overpowering all of the good feelings and I can't get a grasp on anything at the moment.

I sit down and run my hands through my hair. Now that the anger is gone, the fear is starting to take over. Tears start rolling down my cheeks and I'm sobbing. I'm not even trying to hide it. I almost lost my boy. I love my kids all the same but there's something a little special about Mattie because he's the oldest. If we didn't have him I'm sure me and B wouldn't have lasted as a couple. I'd probably be some drunken loser, hanging out in bars all night and fucking random people. I'd probably be dead. I could've gotten drunk and tried to stumble my way home and a vampire could've jumped me and taken me out. It's insane how much I love this kid, and the thought of losing him is just way too overwhelming. I reach out and grab him by the wrist. I pull him close to me and wrap my arms around him, and hold him really close to me. I just cry, and I cry fuckin hard. I run my hands through his hair and cry against his shoulder. He gently rubs my back, and he's crying too. I don't blame him, when my mom used to yell at me like that I'd cry afterwards. Never in front of her, but whatever.

It takes me a good twenty minutes to calm down. I let go a Mattie and gently wipe the tears that are rolling down his cheeks. I give him a kiss on the forehead and send him to bed. I may be calmer then before but it's going to take a while for me to get back to ok, and I can't do it with him in the room. Kennedy comes over and offers her support. She rubs my back and pats me on the shoulder a couple times, but she's hurt and she's tired and wants to get back to Cordelia. I tell her goodnight and she leaves. Willow and Sky stick around though. I guess they're going to go over the entire scene with me or something since I wasn't there. Mattie never told me exactly what happened, he just said he killed the demon. I guess they think I should know the details. I do want the details, but it might be too much. Finding out how he got those scratches on his back might send me into another fit or something.

"Faith," Giles says and puts his glasses back on. He looks way too serious right now and it's creepin me out a little bit. "We need to discuss a few things." Sky and Willow sit on either side of me and I can't help but feel like I'm about to be ganged up on. I don't like this claustrophobic feeling, but I deal with it. "I haven't mentioned this to Buffy yet. I believe she won't even take the time to hear me out, and you do have a lot of sway over her." Great, now he wants me to conspire against my wife. I wonder what the fuck this conversation is going to be about. "From what the girls have told me about last night's events, Matthew is right. He is stronger then Sky and Kennedy, and even you. Apparently while in battle he sustained a powerful blow to his left side that should have done a massive amount of damage. You know first hand how strong this demon was. But he didn't even crack a rib. All Matthew had to show for it was a bruise that faded hours ago." I think I know where the G-man is going with this and I don't like it. "I believe it would be beneficial for all of us to take Matthew and Addison back to Ohio so we can test their abilities and see just how powerful they truly are."

"No." He looks like he's gonna say something so I interrupt. "They're just kids Giles, and I'm not gonna let you turn them into guinea pigs. When they're old enough to make that kind of decision for themselves then we'll see, but until then they're not going anywhere. I can spar with them, and test them, and find out how strong they are, but I'm not gonna let you experiment with them. They're my kids, I can't just do that to them." Nobody says anything right away and I'm glad at first. But now that the tension is building I just want someone to say something. I guess I'll go ahead and be that person. "How did he kill it?" I ask Willow and she looks into my eyes. She's tired as fuck and probably just wants to get out of here. "I mean, the demon is made of iron or whatever, so how did Mattie kill it?" She clears her throat before she answers and when she speaks her voice comes out very low like it hurts to talk or something.

"He stabbed it with a stake in the back of its throat. He told me that he figured out that the demon's skin was like armor on the outside, but the insides are probably really tender, and he was right. What he did was…extremely dangerous and if I could have stopped him I would have, but he was moving too fast for me to use magic on him. He was very brave going up against that demon. Kennedy would probably be dead right now if he hadn't shown up and got it to let her go. I know you're angry for him sneaking out and putting his life in danger, but he's a hero, Faith. He saved all of us, and you should be proud." I am Red, trust me I so fucking am. But I'm not gonna say that out loud. At least not yet. He has to know what he did can't happen again. We're the adults and we handle the deadly situations. He's a kid, he shouldn't have to deal with shit like that.

"I'm beat," I tell them and stand up. I don't want to deal with anymore of this. I just want to be with my family. "I'm gonna hit the sack. I'll see you guys later." I don't even wait for them to tell me goodnight or whatever they would've said. I just go into the bedroom and shut the door. I look over at the bed and see that both of my kids are crying, and B's trying to calm them down. She's holding them, and rocking back and forth, and making those soft shushing sounds, but it isn't working. I walk over to the duffle bag that's lying on the floor and pull out some pajamas. These clothes are feeling fuckin nasty and I don't want to be in them anymore. After I change I slowly limp over to the bed and sit down. Buffy doesn't look mad anymore, just…ok she does look pissed, but only when she looks at me. I guess she thinks I overreacted with Mattie and I probably did. How I worded what I said was pretty fucked, but how the fuck else was I supposed to react? If I could do it all over again I'd leave out the cussing, but that's it.

I crawl up the bed and get under the covers with the rest of 'em. Addy clings onto Buffy like there's no fuckin tomorrow, but I take Mattie off her hands. I wrap both my arms and one of my legs around him and make sure to snuggle him nice and tight. I did the damage so I should be the one to fix it. I won't take back what I said because I'm right. He's just a kid and he shouldn't be out there risking his life. But now that I've made my point I need to comfort him, because he is just a kid, and kids fuck up. Hell, adults fuck up all the time. I don't want him thinkin that I don't love him just 'cause I laid into him a little too hard. I'll apologize for getting so angry but I'm gonna remind how dangerous that was. But that can all wait until later 'cause right now I'm tired and I just want to fall asleep with my family now that we're back together again. Well…almost. Joey isn't here, but trust me when we get back to Nevada and we pick up Joey that night we're all gonna sleep in my bed just for the first night so I can feel better about all this shit.

BPOV

Do you ever have moments when one second you're asleep and then the next you're completely awake, there's no in between? Well right now is one of those moments. I was sleeping just a few seconds ago, having a pretty nice dream too, and now I'm awake. I'm not the only one, that's why I'm playing possum. Faith and Matthew are awake too. At least I hope he's awake since she's whispering to him. It would be kind of weird if she were talking to a sleeping kid. I don't want them to know that I'm awake because I don't want to ruin the little moment that they're having. Especially for Faith because swallowing her pride is something she'll never be good at.

"I'm sorry about last night," she whispers and I hear the sheets ruffle as she moves around a little bit. "I didn't mean to yell like that, and I didn't mean to use those kinds of words. I shouldn't've lost my cool and I'm sorry." And here comes the but. "But you know better then to just run off like that. You could have been seriously hurt, Mattie. You need to understand how dangerous that was. You saw how bad that demon hurt me, and I'm a full grown slayer. I'm not mad at you for saving your mom. Your heart was in the right place, but if that demon had gotten lucky he probably would've ripped your heart right out." Eww, did she really have to say that? I get that she's trying to make a point, but still eww. "Promise me that you'll never run off like that again, ok?" There's silence for a few seconds but he finally takes in a deep breath.

"I promise. But Mama I am stronger then you, even grandpa Giles thinks so. He even wants me to go to the slayer school so I can train." When was all of this discussed? Why wasn't I there? Giles better not be going behind my back about something like this. My kids are slayers, but they're still my kids. And this isn't like the old council where kidnapping is ok, because it isn't. They even have laws against it and everything. "I don't want to go but he still thinks I should and that means I'm really powerful. I'm not just a kid." Faith makes an irritated noise and Matthew stops talking. I can tell this is the beginning of many battles to come. If Matthew thinks he should be out there slaying then he's going to find a way to do it. I think the only way to stop him would be putting up a magical seal around the house or something.

"We'll talk about this later ok? Why don't you go get a shower and I'll order some breakfast?" She said it in question form but it wasn't a request. "Try not to wake everyone else up." He starts to move off the bed very, very slowly and I think about springing out and grabbing him and yelling BOO! But I don't know how well that would go over so I think I'll just keep playing possum. I wait for him to leave the room before I 'wake up'. I make a good show of it too. I groan a little like I'm disappointed from waking up from a good dream. I stretch a little bit but not too much because I don't want to disturb Addison. Then I slowly open my eyes and see Faith staring at me. I smile a little bit and she just rolls her eyes.

"You're not fooling anyone, I knew you were awake. The sudden lack of snoring kinda tipped me off." I do not snore! I probably should but I don't get mad. I don't even bring up the fact that I do not snore. I just smile a little more and scoot towards her. I have to do it very slowly because Addison takes after me, and she's a very light sleeper. We're probably going to have to get her room sound proofed, but I think we'll let that idea slide because installing it will cost a lot and getting it taken out when she hits the teen years will probably cost even more. She scoots towards me and we meet in the middle of the bed. We wrap around arms around each other and it feels so good to be in her grasp again. "I love you." Her voice cracked a little when she said it and she has tears in her eyes. I start tearing up too and I feel like I'm going to break down.

"I love you too," I whisper. I'm afraid that if I try to talk normal I'll completely lose control. She presses her lips against mine, and I kiss her right back. It is a little gross because we haven't brushed our teeth yet, and I can definitely taste the blood in her mouth, but I ignore all of that, because I'm kissing Faith and it feels so damn good. I know we have to but I don't want to stop. Our tongues go back into their own mouths, but our lips don't stop touching. Our kisses now are nothing more then soft pecks, but it feels like more then that because it's Faith I'm kissing. Our noses are lightly rubbing against each other too, and for some reason I think it's kind of cute. We stop kissing for a couple of seconds and open our eyes. We both smile a little, and I think Faith's gets a little bigger when I gently rub the tip of my nose against hers. We close our eyes and start kissing again.

I don't know how long we keep it up, but eventually we're forced to stop. Ok so we're not forced, but it would have been wrong to keep going because Addison is awake now, and she's crying. It's not loud, and she doesn't sound like she's in pain or anything but it would have been wrong to ignore her and keep doing what we were doing. I look into Faith's eyes and she has the same look of disappointment that I know I have on my face, but we're parents and the needs of our children come before the needs of ourselves. That doesn't stop me from placing a little kiss on the tip of Faith's nose before I untangle my arms from Faith's body and roll over onto my back. I look at Addison and she has her face buried in her pillow, and the little whines and sniffles are starting to turn into sobs.

"Sweetheart, what's the matter?" I ask and gently rub her back. She flinches a little, I guess she thought I was still asleep or something. I grab her arm and gently pull her towards me. She's crying a little harder now and I think I know why. I pull her onto me, and she instantly wraps her arms around my neck, and buries her face in my shoulder and starts crying even harder. I reach down with one arm and adjust her legs so there's one on either side of me because her knees stabbing into my gut was starting to hurt. Especially because my stomach is still really sore from the needle the demon stuck into me. I forget about all of that and focus my attention on my little girl.

"Was it the bad man?" She nods her little head yes and I gently stroke the back of her head. She's been having nightmares about a man doing some pretty horrible stuff. She's been having the dreams for a while now, and she says that she's never seen the man before in real life, but we're still worried because she could be lying. He could have told her that if she tells anyone about him he'll hurt her. Alright, I need to calm down. This is just my over protectiveness coming out to play. I am going to have Willow look into it. Maybe get her to 'go inside' Addison's mind to figure out if this guy is real, or if she saw him on TV or in a movie, or maybe he's just something her imagination came up with. "Don't worry, sweetie, he isn't going to hurt you. He isn't real, remember? It's just your imagination trying to scare you." She's starting to calm down now and I'm glad. This whole 'having her on top of me' thing is starting to make breathing difficult.

"Mama, I thought you said you were gonna order breakfast?" I hear Matthew ask and I look over at him. He's fresh out of the shower, wearing nothing more but a towel wrapped around his waist. It's hard to believe that the kid standing at the end of the bed is my little boy. It just seems like yesterday he was a little three-year-old running around with his stupid dog, and getting into all kinds of trouble. Like digging holes in my backyard, stealing all of my pots and pans to make a drum set, and coloring on my bedroom wall with my lipsticks. But he's growing up, if anything last night is proof of how much he's grown, not just physically, but mentally as well. He's matured a lot too, and we're going to have to be careful about that. I think it's because he's the man of the house, and lately he hasn't really been acting like a little kid is supposed to act. Sure he plays with his friends and with his sister when she finally annoys him enough and he gives in, but most of the time at home he's just serious about everything. He isn't as playful as he used to be. I think we need to start encouraging him to be more playful.

"Sorry, buddy, I was busy talking to Mom. So what does everyone want?" And just like that our little cocoon is broken and we're not Buffy and Faith anymore, we're Mom and Mama. I love my kids more then anything, don't get me wrong, I'd die protecting them, but sometimes it would be nice to just be ourselves and not have to worry about anyone, or cater to their needs. I'm happy to do it because their my kids and they need me, but right now I'd like to be snuggled against Faith and just forget that the world even exists. I want it to just be us so I can forget about all of the horrible things that happened to me. Actually right now I'd like to be in bed with all of them, and have them all snuggled against me and just forget about the rest of the world. That sounds really good right now.

"I want pancakes, with chocolate chips, and whip cream, and strawberries!" Addison says and sits up so she's straddling my stomach. I smile up at her and try so hard not to laugh at her bed-head. Her hair looks like it's sticking up straight, and there's knots and tangles all over the place. It's going to be so hard getting it brushed out. Maybe I can talk Faith into doing that for me. Matthew takes his turn in telling Faith what he wants and I tell Faith to just order for me. I don't really care what I get as long as we eat breakfast in bed and spend the rest of the today just snuggled against each other I'll be happy.

I know it can't be all day. Maybe for a few hours but I promised Dawn I'd go over there today and help her get settled. I know that after all the crazy stuff that happened I should reassure my kids, and spend time with Faith and I will, but Dawn's my sister and she needs me right now. She's going to need help the next couple of months, but once she gets situated and the boys start sleeping all through the night then I won't worry as much. I can't even imagine what it's like to have twins. When Matthew was a baby I thought I was never going to feel rested ever again. I really didn't think I was going to survive the first three days we brought him home. I don't even want to know what it would be like to have twins with your first pregnancy. All the crying, and screaming, and dirty diapers. Dawn is going to need all the help she can get.

I ruffle Addison's hair a little and she smiles down at me. I sit up a little, and lean against the headboard so I'm not flat on my back. I watch Faith get up and hobble over to the room service menu on the dresser. The night before last when I was first brought back Willow used her magic to make my slayer healing work a little faster and I was so exhausted that I passed out. When I woke up I had Willow tell me just how bad Faith's injuries are. Her face has healed up a lot, and her ankle is better, but it's going to take her a couple of days for her knee to completely heal. If she wasn't so damn stubborn I'd make her stay in bed and I'd take care of everything and pamper her a little. But no, she's just too stubborn to accept any help.

"You need to get a bath after breakfast, little girl," I tell Addison and she giggles a little bit. I stand up which is a little difficult since Addison is sticking to me like Velcro. I could just pry her arms and legs off of me, but I don't want to. After being stuck in hell for…who knows how long, I want to have as much contact with my family as I can. I wonder if they remember the shared dream that we had? Or was it even a shared dream? I could have gone a little insane and only think that was a shared dream because I thought I'd never see them again. No, I know that didn't happen because if I just had that dream because I was afraid I'd never see them again then Faith would've been there too.

"I walk into the main room and Giles and Willow are already here. What, does everyone have a keycard to my room? What if me and Faith were having wild, uncontrollable sex right now? Would they have just walked in and exchanged pleasantries and wait out here for us to finish? Well, hopefully they would've at least checked to make sure that Matthew and Addison were in their own rooms. I'm pretty sure having wild, uncontrollable sex in front of your kids is still illegal, and wrong on so many levels. In fact it's so wrong I'm not even going to think about it any more. Besides I'm uncomfortable doing it with Tucker in the room so the odds are extremely slim that even if they were asleep that Faith could talk me into sex with the kids in the room.

"So, how are you feeling this morning? These hotel beds feel any better then a hard cave floor? 'Cause I'm thinking no. But you're the one with the knowledge," Willow says as I sit down next to her. I have to admit that these bed do suck. You'd think with never ending funds Giles would get us five star rooms, but no. He's very cheap. I can't blame him. He has to support a lot of girls with that money, I'd cut corners if I was him. Then again if I were Giles I'd be living it up in a huge mansion in a place at least a mile away from civilization, have an indoor pool that's heated, a Lamborghini and a supermodel girlfriend. And they say money can't buy you happiness.

"The beds here are really firm, but the company made it all worth while," I tell her with a soft smile. I place a kiss on Addison's temple and she snuggles against me a little more. She's still really tired or else she'd be bragging to Willow how her big, brave brother saved her mom from a big, bad demon. It doesn't matter that Willow was there and saw how brace Matthew was, Addison is going to tell that story to anyone who will listen. Chris is going to be her number one target when we get back. She loves showing off for her grandfather and he's more then happy to sit there and let her ham it up for him. I don't know if Matthew is going to boast or not. He doesn't seem like a glory hound, but you never know. This experience could've turned him into one.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," my redheaded friend says with a very sexy smile. I fake shock and let out a high-pitched 'Willow' and make my eyes go all big and my mouth hang open a little. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head a little. "I don't mean it like that." She stops and pretends to think about it and gets a mischievous look in her eyes, and smiles that little smile where the tip of her tongue is between her teeth. "Ok, yes I do. Especially after last night. Normally Sky likes the bottom, and she likes me to be in charge but I think the second part of the double H rule was running really high 'cause I didn't get off my back until this morning when I snuck out to come see you." Wow, I don't think I've ever heard Willow talk about her sex life and not blush or stutter. I look down at the little three-year-old in my arms who just heard everything and back up at my best friend.

"We'll talk about it later, ok?" I ask and she looks a little horrified that she said all of that in front of my kid. I laugh a little at the expression and she doesn't look too happy with me. There's a knock at the door, room service hopefully because I'm starving. I haven't had anything since…well since the night before I went on patrol, but being kidnapped, held hostage, tormented, and almost raped will made any girl feel like she's starving. Ok, so maybe it's just me. But that's not the important thing. The important thing is that Giles just answered the door and it isn't my food. It's Xander and Dawn, and she's carrying two car seats and one of them is crying. You'd think the only thing Dawn would want to do right now is sleep, so why is she here?

"What are you two, well…four doing here?" Willow asks and helps Dawn with one of the seats. I know from experience that those things are heavy and I'm a slayer, she's not. Again I don't even want to imagine how hard this is for her, and how much harder it's going to get. "Not that it's not nice to see you." I guess Willow thinks she somehow offended them and she's going to babble her way out of it. "It's just that you should be resting, what with just giving birth to two people, we all figured you'd be too tired to be out and about. But here you are both out and about. Not 'out' like in a gay way, obviously since you had them, not that that would be a bad thing. I mean, hello out and proud since freshman year of college here." And I just figured out why Willow is so nervous. It's obvious really. She doesn't want to bring up the fact that Dawn cheated, Kyle still hasn't contacted any of us, and Dawn still hasn't told anyone but me who the father of her children is.

"Well Dawnie got plenty of sleep last night, so we decided to come on down and see if everyone was ok. How come nobody called me and told and what was going on? I would've gotten an earlier flight, I could've helped out. I go off to New York and I'm what, not a member of the group anymore?" Xander is very upset but luckily Willow is standing right there and she tries to calm him down. She tells him that it was a very time sensitive issue and even if they did call him he wouldn't have made it back in time. And that's all true. Xander didn't get here until yesterday afternoon, and there's no way he would've gotten him here in time to help rescue me.

"Xander, it was nothing personal. You're still an important part of the group. Who could get us coffee and donuts better then you?" Room service picks a horrible time to knock on the door and announce that it's room service on the other side. Giles opens it up and two guys walk in, one after the other, and they both have two pretty big carts that are stacked with food, and coffee, and a vase with a rose. Giles tips the guys and they leave the now somewhat awkward scene. Willow looks a little put off but she isn't going down without a fight. "Fine, so they bring coffee better, but I don't see any donuts." I smile a little but and so does Xander. He'll get over it in a little while.

We all get up and stack our plates high with food, especially the others. Over the years they've learned to take a little extra because a slayer's appetite definitely dictates how much food is going to be left over if any at all. And there are four slayers in this room right now. I'm surprised they're even letting us near the food. And you know, this is kind of what I wanted. Except for the not being in bed, I'm having breakfast with my family, and that's pretty perfect, even if some of them are aren't here right now.

FPOV

Buffy thought I should get a bath and now that I'm actually laying in the really warm water with the lavender scented bubbles I really think she was right. I needed one anyway because I didn't shower or bathe after Red found me by the woods and I was dirty and sweaty and gross. A few minutes ago I got a quick shower to wash the dirt and dried blood off. I also washed my hair, but now I'm soaking, and it feels so fucking good. Of course I'm not in this tub alone. The second I agreed that a bath would do me some good Buffy threw in a 'and Addison needs a bath too' comment. But it's all good. I'm propped up against the back of the tub with my legs spread and Addy is sitting by my knees playing with the wash cloth, so all is good.

The lavender scent is working it's magic on both me and Addy. When we first got in the tub she was talking a mile a minute, and splashing around, and being pretty loud. Like all little kids are when they take a bath. But now she's calm, and quietly playing. She doesn't really take naps anymore, but I think she's going to take one today because of all the stress she had to go through. It has all of us kind of drained and we're all in need of a serious power nap. Things have been a little tense today, and it's irritating. Everyone is worried about saying the wrong thing to Dawn, so they're on edge and watching what they say very carefully and it's a little irritating. It's doing nothing but making her uncomfortable, and I think she's going to leave soon if Willow, Giles and Xander don't. Kennedy and Cordy stopped by earlier to see how me and B were doin, and they got to hold the babies. They weren't shy about askin Dawn what happened, and she told them without a lot of details, and the subject was dropped. Ever since then everyone else wants to ask questions but they're afraid of upsetting her.

She had a little bit of a breakdown, but it was hormonal induced. Alex started cryin 'cause he was hungry, and then Nick started crying and Dawn got overwhelmed because she wasn't sure which one she should take care of first, and it was a little too much for her, but Buffy helped her out, and she calmed down and everything was fine. If anything that proved that Buffy's right, Dawn does need her, or at least she needs help from someone else, and she can't take care of those babies by herself. Maybe after a while when she adjusts to being a mom, but not right now when everything is too new. But I don't think I can stay here for much longer. I want to go home, and hold my baby again, and just relax in my own home. I know Buffy wants to go home too, but she wants to help her sister even more.

Being away like this isn't fair for the kids. They're schedules are all fucked up now and it's going to take a couple days for them to go back to normal. Plus, school got out for summer a couple days before we left and Mattie should be playing with his friends, and sleeping in, and just hanging out instead of being put through a lot of stress. It isn't fair for Addy either. Yeah, it's summer, and I'm not going to school either, but she still goes to daycare. She likes going there because she's around kids her own age, and she's learning a lot which is good. Ok, I know I'm just trying to find excuses to go home, but I really don't want to stay here for a lot longer. Maybe a couple more days, but I don't think I can last longer then that. All this isn't fair on my dad either. He isn't used to taking care of a four-month-old, and he's probably exhausted.

"When are we going home?" she asks and she starts to clean my good knee. See, even Addy wants to get the hell outta here. I knew she'd end up washin me like that. As long as she doesn't touch my hurt knee I don't care. I tell her I don't know when we're leavin because aunt Dawn needs help with the babies, and Addison gets really quiet. After about a minuet she starts washing off my shin. "Why do the babies look like that?" I was kind of hoping she wouldn't ask these kinds of questions but she is so I just have to deal with it. I know Mattie is going to keep asking until we give him some straight answers. He's old enough to know that white woman plus pasty bluish demon does not equal black baby. And they are just so damn cute. I wanna take one home with us.

"Some babies just look like that." She's still young enough to believe the white lies. And that wasn't even a lie. I just didn't ell her that it takes a grown black person to get a black baby. She's my kid, I'll leave out details if I want. Besides if I tell Addy that Dawn was with someone other then Kyle then she'll ask Dawn about it and then she'll get all upset. I wonder if she's going to move to Nevada or not. It would be nice to have her around more. Buffy misses her sister a lot, and having her around would make Buffy happy, and well know how much I like Buffy being happy. So the way I see it is: Dawn moves closer to us and gets help with the kids and that'll lighten her stress load, Buffy will be happy because she can spend more time with her sister, and at night Buffy passes all her happiness onto me via hours of sex. It's a win, win, win situation. Nobody loses.

"I can't wait to tell grampa Chris what Brother did." My poor dad is going to be tortured with stories of 'Mattie the Great' for the next couple weeks. Then again, that's nothing new. She loves telling stories about her brother. "And I can't wait to see my baby, and play with Tucker, and go swimming, and play with Brad." I wasn't really paying attention to everything she said so I just say 'oh really', and act like I'm paying attention. And don't look at me like that. Every single parent on this Earth has tuned their kids out before. I try not to do it a lot because I don't want to get into the habit of it, but when their voices get really annoying and I just want to relax I barely pay attention to a word they say.

Last night was the best sleep that I've gotten in a while. Going to bed with Buffy back, and safe, and having two of my kids with me made me feel…whole, I guess is the best way to describe it. If Joey was here I would've felt a lot better. I can't wait to go home and hold my baby boy in my arms, and fall asleep in my own bed, and eat my own food, and use my own toilet. I don't care how often they clean these the fact that hundreds of people have used this thing before me grosses me out. I too, like Addy, can't wait to play with Tucker. Poor boy has been by himself, and he's probably going crazy. I paid Emma fifty bucks to feed him and give him water while we're gone, but he's probably lonely.

"Do you wanna get out or keep playing?" I ask and she says 'keep playing' just like I knew she would. I've soaked long enough, my fingers and toes are pruney and it's time for me to get out. And this whole hurt knee thing is a good excuse to not do anything by myself. I saw the look B gave me this morning, she wants me to take it easy so she can baby me, well who am I to stop her? I am going to milk this for all it's worth. "Buffy!" I guess I yelled a little too loud 'cause Addy just covered her ears. I wait about a minute and I get no response so I try again. I hope I don't make her too mad. "Buffy!" This time I hear her yell 'what!' and I know she's probably busy. "Will you help me?" Admitting that I need help always gets her to cave. She walks into the bathroom with spit up all over her shirt and a little frown on her face.

"Those little boys definitely take after Dawn. She used to projectile vomit every time Mom fed her, it was so disgusting. What goes around comes around I guess. Why it has to come around on me I have no idea." She stops rambling and looks over at me and Addy and smiles a little bit. Me and Addy are always fighting so when we do get along Buffy gets all giddy, like we're never going to fight again or something. We always do though, and I hate it. I hate that my little girl doesn't want my constant attention like Mattie did when he was her age. I hate that she pushes me away in favor of Buffy. And I really hate that she goes to Mattie for comfort more then she does us. But whatever, it doesn't matter. She's happy, and the rest of us are happy or getting there, and soon everything will be normal again.

"Do you need help getting out?" B asks and I nod my head yes. She walks over to the edge of the tub, and helps me stand up. Then she uses one of the extra plastic cups that came with breakfast to rinse off the suds that are sticking to my body. She watches the water slide down my kinda bruised and battered form. That demon really did a number on me and it's gonna take a couple days to completely heal. Addy's lookin up at me with a little confused frown on her face and it makes me smile. This kid cracks me up sometimes. B lets me use her as a crutch so I can get out of the tub without falling. I really did need her help for that one, no joke. I wasn't milking it, I would've fallen flat on my ass if she hadn't been holding onto me. I look over at Addy and she's still staring at me, only her eyes are narrow and she doesn't look confused, just…curious, I guess. Buffy hands me a towel and I wrap it around myself and it seems to snap Addy out of her little daze. And with that she finally says something.

"Why do you have hair on your vagina?" I totally should've known she was going to ask that. She's getting at that age where she's going to notice stuff like that. She's always asking about my tattoo and it's a little annoying. I don't care how much patience you claim to have. A person can only be asked the same question so many times before they want to duct tape the askers' mouth shut and lock 'em in a closet. I'd never do it. I'd never hurt my child, ever. I just think about it sometimes when she gets on my nerves. I guess I'm not answering her fast enough 'cause she's getting that impatient look Buffy gives me when I drag ass in the grocery store. These two are so much alike it's almost fuckin scary. Scratch that, it is fuckin scary.

"Every girl gets hair down there," I tell her and look in the mirror as I comb my hair. B is leaning against the counter a little and has a very amused look on her face. It's nice to see that my discomfort is bringing her so much joy. "When you're older you'll get it too." Thankfully she drops the subject and starts playing with the rag and the bubbles again. I'm having trouble with a knot at the back of my fucking head and it's really annoying. I'm about to just say fuck it and cut the fucker out, but B stands behind me and gently works it out with her fingers. She takes the comb out of my hand and finishes the rest for me. I'll never admit it out loud, but I love it when B combs my hair out 'cause she doesn't just use the comb, she uses her fingers too and gently massages my scalp at the same time.

When she finishes she puts the comb down on the counter and wipes off the water on her hands on the back of the towel. I turn around and gently rub her collarbone with my fingertips. I look into her eyes and I see nothing but love. Ok, so I see mostly love, with just a little bit of lust. She has her head tilted down a little bit and she's looking up at me through her eyelashes. She looks dead sexy right now, and I want to carry her into the bedroom and fuck her brains out. But I can't do that. A little because if I tried to carry her I'd injure my knee even more, and because the kids are awake and they'd hear us. And Dawn's here and it would be rude or whatever. I can't fully resist though, because it's been a while since we've been intimate in any way, shape, or form. That little fact is starting to drive me a little crazy.

"Thanks," I tell her and move my fingers to the other side of her neck. Her mouth opens a little more and she takes in a deep breath. She wants to as much as I do, probably even more. The thing about Buffy is she doesn't get turned on as easy as I do, but once she is she can go for hours. She can hold out a lot longer then I can too, which is frustrating sometimes 'cause she thinks it has some deeper meaning when we come together. But nine times outta ten I come first. "Why don't you come a little closer so I can thank you properly?" She gets a devilish smile on her face and leans forward a little. She's leaving the rest up to me, why I don't know, but she is. I lean in the rest of the way and kiss her. It's intense from the start and I'm getting really turned on. I nibble on her bottom lip, and it makes her quietly moan. If I didn't have slayer hearing I probably wouldn't've heard it. I let go of her lip and slide my tongue into her mouth. I gently massage it against her and she leans her entire body against me. We pull apart when we need to breathe and she has a small smirk on her face.

"Why did you rub your tongues together?" I hear Addy ask. Shit, I totally forgot she was in the room. We look over at her, and she's just staring back at us with a curious look on her face. I tell her that's how married people kiss and she nods her head a little like she knows what I'm talking about. Before Buffy can back away from me I leave a little peck on her lips and it makes her smile. It feels like forever since I've seen a true Buffy-smile. She's been so unhappy for a long time and it's nice to see her at ease again. It's nice to be around her and not fight, or feel tense, or want to leave. It feels damn good to be able to kiss her like that, and hold her, and touch her. It would feel even better if the touching was below the belt and under the clothes, but we gotta keep it PG rated. But tonight I'm locking our bedroom door and we're going to get reacquainted in the best kinda way.

"I'm going to go over to Dawn's for a little while. She thought about it and decided it would be easier to move to Nevada, and I'm going to help her pack some stuff. She doesn't want to stay in the house at all, so Giles is getting her a room here. I can't believe all of this is happening." I gently rub B's arm and she leans into the touch. At least she's not being stubborn about it. She still has a problem showing her pain and sadness and all that, and most of the time she'll pull away from me and act like everything's fine, but I know her better then that. I know Dawn fucked up and she has to accept the consequences of it, but everybody fucks up every once in a while, and I'd be extremely hypocritical to judge her. I'm the queen of fucking up, and eventually everyone will forget about this and it won't be awkward, and maybe Kyle will come around and they can make amends or whatever.

"You wanna leave the kids here? I'll keep an eye on 'em. Maybe take 'em to the park for a while." Buffy smiles and gives me a little kiss on the lips and says that would be great. Then she tells me to go get dressed so I can run out and get some lunch. I roll my eyes a little and give her another kiss. As I walk away towards the door she gives me a little smack on my ass. I choose to ignore it because if I respond Addy might be witness to somethin no little kid should see, especially from their parents. So I walk out of the room and I have to walk through the main room to get to the bedroom. I glance over at Dawn and she looks…a little upset. She's got tears in her eyes and her nose is all red and shit. I look over at Mattie, he's sitting at the table directly across from her, and he looks pissed as hell. Ok, what the fuck happened? "Hey, Dawnie, what's the matter?" I sit down next to her and she shakes her head a little bit and wipes at her eyes. She tries to play it off that she's fine, but I know she's not. I look over at Mattie and he won't keep eye contact with me. With him that's the number one sign of guilt.

"Mattie, why is aunt Dawn so upset?" I ask and my tone is pretty stern. Nothing too hard. It could sound a lot worst trust me. He shrugs his shoulders but doesn't say anything. Now is the time to toughen the voice up a little bit. "Matthew, look at me." It takes him a few seconds but he does look at me. He still looks pissed, but guilty too. "Matthew, why is aunt Dawn so upset?" He knows not to ignore me when I use his full name. He knows I mean business when I use the full name, and that tone of voice. He sighs and shifts around in his chair a little and he looks away from me. I slam my hand on the table a little and he looks back up at me. I'm not trying to intimidate him or anything, but he is going to answer me. If it's one thing I'm good at it's getting him to listen. B's always had some trouble because she baby's him too much and he knows he can get away with it.

"Aunt Dawn cheated on Kyle," he says in a low voice like he doesn't want to admit it. I glance over at her and her bottom lip is trembling a little bit. I look back at Mattie and raise an eyebrow. I know that isn't all of it or she wouldn't be that upset, and he wouldn't be looking that guilty. So I let out a little 'and?', and he sits up a little straighter. He fidgets when he knows he's going to get in trouble for what he did. "And I called her a bad name." I look over at Dawn and she's just staring down at the table. I cannot believe this kid. I ask him what name he called her and he doesn't want to say because he knows he's going to be in deep shit. "I called her a whore." His tone is hard and he's sitting up straight, and he's trying to act tough. And here comes adolescence. I was hoping he wouldn't be as hardheaded as B, but what can ya do?

"You tell her you're sorry right now." My voice is tougher and I can be a lot more intimidating then he's trying to be. He doesn't say anything, he just sits there with a defiant look on his face. I've never wanted to smack any of my kids until just now. But I fight the urge because I refuse to be like my mom. I'd rather die then be like her. "Apologize to her right now. You don't talk to people like that ever. I don't care what she did, you do not say stuff like that." He doesn't look as defiant now but this is probably going to turn into a battle. I really hope it doesn't because I have enough of those with Addy, but it's probably going to because he's stubborn just like his mom.

"I'm sorry," he forces the words out and only looks at Dawn for a couple seconds. I know he was going to be upset because he thinks Kyle is the coolest thing since sliced bread, but I didn't think he was going to be hateful about it. I never woulda thought he'd talk to Dawn like that. But he's going to be changing a lot in the next year or so, and even more after that. Once his hormones start raging he's probably going to be very difficult to deal with. And he's a slayer so he's going to be ten times worst then a normal kid.

"Now go to your room, and sit on your bed and don't get up until I tell you to." He gets up and starts to stomp off. "And you're in trouble so don't play with your Gameboy, or any of your toys and no reading any comics!" Yes, my boy reads comics, takes after me on that one. He stomps into the room and slams the door. I'm surprised I didn't hear something break. I get up and go into the bedroom and he's already up on the bed, leaning against the headboard, playing with that stupid Gameboy. "What did I just tell you?" I walk over to the edge of the bed and try to take it from him but he isn't letting go. "Let go of it. I told you not to play with this." He doesn't let go but I take it from him and he looks really pissed. "You stay on this bed, you go that?" He doesn't look at me, he just stares at his feet.

"Whatever." He's acting like a teenager right now and I really hope this isn't a little taste of what's to come. I leave the room and take his duffle bag with me so he can't play with anything else. So much for having a drama free day. Oh well. I'm not going to let this ruin the rest of the day. I'll wait for him to cool down then I'll talk to him 'cause he needs to get that anger out or he's going to be like this for days. Nobody holds onto anger better then a Summers, and Mattie is half Summers so he's pretty good at it too. After B and Dawnie leaves I'll take 'em to the park and get him to talk about it. He's definitely going to tell Dawn a better apology because I did not raise a kid who thinks it's ok to say shit like that.

I walk into my bedroom and start to get dressed. I hope Buffy isn't gone for a long time. I kinda thought we'd spend today together, but Dawn needs her. I totally get it and I'd do the same thing if I was her, but it still kinda sucks. But tonight after dinner we'll put the kids to bed early, and just relax for a while. Then we'll move things into our bedroom and I want it to be all passionate, ya know? With her calling out my name at the top of her lungs, and us moving so hard and fast that the headboard will leave a dent on the wall. But I think it's going to be slow and gentle. I want to savor the moment, feel every inch of her, taste every inch of her, and work her up until she pops like a bottle of champagne. Yep, definitely can't wait for tonight to hurry up and get here.

BPOV

I pull my rental car into Dawn's driveway and turn off the ignition. She's been quiet since Matthew made that comment. I still can't believe he said that. I'd like to think that I raised a well mannered kid, but I guess not. I don't know what we did wrong, but hopefully Addison and Joseph won't be that rude to people. Then again it's not like Matthew goes around calling every woman he sees a whore. He's just upset because Kyle is gone and probably won't be coming back. I really wish things would work out for the best but what Dawn did is pretty horrible and I don't think Kyle is going to forgive her or be able to forget. But at the same time I'm sorta glad she cheated on him, because my little nephews are the cutest babies in the world. When they're not spitting up all of the place, of course.

"I can go inside for you. You don't have to go back in there if it's too hard," I tell her in a very low voice and she takes in a deep breath. On the ride over here the closer we got to the street the shallower her breathing got, and now she's barely breathing at all. Apparently she only got to sleep last night because she took a couple of sleeping pills, and that's why Xander took care of the babies by himself because she couldn't wake up. Kennedy, Cordelia, Willow and Sky are going to be helping out in shifts. They said that they'd handle it because Faith and I need our rest after all of the stress we were put through. I have a twenty dollar bet with Faith that they'll be calling for some type of advise by one in the morning. Faith got a little annoyed about it. Somehow she got this idea in her head that we're going to be making love all night long. I do plan on being intimate with her tonight because I need to feel my wife again, but an hour, hour and a half tops. I need my rest, especially since Matthew is in such a bad mood.

"That's ok. I can go in and pack some stuff. Just give me a few minutes." She gets out of the car and walks up to the front door with some hesitation. Being in there with all of the memories has got to feel like torture. I guess it won't be as bad as before because yesterday she took down all of the pictures she had of Kyle, so at least she won't have to see his face. I smile a sad smile when she unlocks the door and slowly walks into the house. I sigh a little when I see the door close. I really hope the others don't need our help with anything. It would be nice to spend some quiet time with Faith. If everything goes as planned we will make love. After everything that's happened we both need to be reassured that it's all over, and I really am back for good. But it'll be nice to just sleep in her arms again. I didn't get a good night's sleep like she did last night. She had Matthew cuddled up to her, and he sleeps like a rock. Our little princess on the other hand was squirming around every half hour and it woke me up every time.

It's not her fault. She was having nightmares all night long. I think it's just her mind's way of dealing with all the stress she went through. She started having nightmares when Joseph was born, and that's just normal sibling stuff. I wish I knew how to make them stop because she gets really freaked out, but I can't and it sucks. I'm her mother so I want to protect her from everything, and this is just one of those things that I have no control over. And it sucks double time because I'm a slayer, and slayers are control freaks. Just ask the teachers at the slayer school, they probably have some horror stories about the girls fighting to control the situation. It's a good thing every teacher comes equipped with a tranquilizer gun or some of those arguments might've turned violent.

I glance at the front door, but Dawn's still inside. She's been in there for ten minutes now. She can take as long as she needs, I'm not going anywhere, and the boys are still asleep. I look in the rearview mirror and smile when I see the cute sleeping faces of my nephews. Thank God for Xander, because if he hadn't shown up at the hospital to help Dawnie out I don't know what she would've done. The hospital wouldn't let her stay there anymore, and she had no way of getting home. But he showed up like the big brother we don't have and supported Dawn all day and night. Even if they are working in shifts the others are probably going to be exhausted from helping Dawn with the babies. It's the stress that gets to you. You hear a baby crying and you panic a little bit when you can't get them to stop. The noise grinds your nerves down until you feel like it's never going to stop. Aw, the joys of parenthood.

I sigh in relief when I see Dawn open the front door. It's getting hot out here, I was just about to turn on the car just for the air conditioning. I pop the truck with the button on my key ring, and Dawn puts her bags in the truck. She only has three, which is surprising. I thought she'd have a lot more then that. This is Dawn we're talking about. I guess she just wanted to get out of the house as fast as possible. The car shakes a little when she shuts the trunk, and I look in the review mirror to make sure it didn't wake up the boys. And it didn't. At least they're not light sleepers. Then again they are only eight days old. It'll take a lot more then that to wake them up. Anyway, Dawn gets in the car and wipes at her eyes and lets her hair fall in front of her face a little so I can't see her tears. She's trying to be strong and I have to admire her for it. If I were in her shoes I'd probably have a melt down and still be in bed.

"Willow, Sky, Kennedy and Cordelia are going to be helping you tonight with the boys, but if you need me Dawn I'll be there for you. You can call me any time, or just knock on the door since you're right down the hall from me." She nods her head a little bit, and I hesitate a little before I start the car. I can practically feel her pain coming off of her in waves. I want to take her pain away from her. If there was a way I'd switch places with her because she's my baby sister and she shouldn't have to be going through this right now. I pull out of the driveway and we head back to the hotel. She's being really quiet now that it's just her and me. Earlier when everyone else was in my hotel room she acted like nothing was wrong, like she wasn't going through a horrible pain, but nobody bought it. They all know she's hurting, but she didn't want to show it in front of the others. She's stubborn, just like our dad. I think that's where she gets it from.

"I just want to be alone for a while," she says in a soft voice. We're back at the hotel now. All of her bags are tucked away in a corner of the room, the boys are still sleeping, and she's sitting on the bed looking exhausted. I sit down next to her and give her a hug. She hugs me back but I can tell she isn't really with me right now, at least not mentally. She's probably thinking about Kyle again. She gets really distant when she thinks about him. Like she can't force herself to pull away from her thoughts to pay attention to everything around her. She is paying more attention to the twins. Every once in a while she'll glace over to see if they're still sleeping or not, which is great. It means I don't have to worry as much. I pull back from the hug and gently stroke her hair. I try to look into her eyes but she's looking down at her lap.

"Then I'll get going. But if you need me, Dawn, please don't stop yourself from asking me to come here because I will." She nods her head a little but she doesn't verbally confirm it. Oh well, she'll talk when she wants to talk. Trust me, nothing has ever stopped her before, and I don't think anything will. "I love you." She whispers it back and I smile a small, sad smile and give her a little kiss on her temple. I get up and leave the room and hurry back to mine. I want to help my sister, I really do, and I'll be there for her as long as she needs me, or wants me. But I'm not going to lie, being around her is depressing. Looking into her eyes is the worst. I used to be able to look into them and know exactly what she was feeling, what she was thinking, but now I look into them and I see nothing. It's like her soul has been ripped out of her body, and now she's just a shell of who she used to be.

I use the keycard to unlock the door and rush in like I'm being chased or something. I don't know if Faith is back yet, or not, but judging by the silence I'm going to go ahead and assume that she's gone. She probably thought I was going to be with Dawn a lot longer then I was. So did I, but she wants to be alone. I don't want to be alone though. I feel like this silence is suffocating me. Being around Dawn's depression, and then coming back to this is getting to me in a very bad way. I turn on the TV just for some noise and I walk into the bedroom. I change into some more comfortable clothes, and then sit on the couch in the main room. I can't sit still though, and my foot is tapping very quickly against the carpet.

I wouldn't be so bad if Faith was here to comfort me. I'm not blaming her or anything, I'm just putting it out there. I can't wait for her to get back so I can hide in her embrace. Her shoulder and neck are my favorite hiding places. When I want everything to go away I wrap my arms around her at about her ribs, and she always holds me from a little higher up. Her elbows press against my ribs, but her hands always rub my shoulder blades. I rest my cheek on her shoulder, and my eyes against her neck so I can't see anything at all. I breathe in her perfume and it always calms me down.

It also reminds me of the days before we lived together. Before we were married, and before we became parents. We spent a lot of time together but it never felt like enough so no matter where we were, we were always touching. Out in public we'd hold hands, at her apartment we'd have lots and lots of sex with lots and lots of cuddling afterwards. At my apartment we'd sit on the couch together, me in her lap, and we'd be watching TV or a movie or something, and every once in a while I'd hide my face in that spot and just block everything else out. And she's rub my back and whisper little things into my ear. Mostly naughty things, and I'd always pull back and playfully smack her on the arm. We'd sit like that a lot over at Willow and Xander's too. We just could keep our hands to ourselves and we loved it.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when the door opens. I hear Addison yell out 'we're back!' and I smile a little bit. I turn off the TV and jump up off the couch. I can feel the tears building up in my eyes and I hate it. I hate that being around my own sister did this to me, and I hate that I'm not strong enough to stop it. When Faith sees me rushing towards her she gets a big smile on my face. I guess I'm moving too fast for her to get a good look at my expression. At least I hope she can't see my expression. I'd be pretty upset if my tears bring her happiness. I see that she's holding some plastic bags in her hand but I don't care. I just need to feel her. I just need to go to my hiding place for a while. I throw my arms around her and she stumbles back a little bit. I guess she wasn't expecting this. I wait for her to stop moving and I bury my face in her neck. I try to hold back the tears because I don't want to cry in front of the kids, but I don't think I'm going to win this battle.

"I'm happy to see you too," she says and chuckles a little bit. The laughter stops though, when a tear makes it way out of my eye and onto her skin. She keeps up a light tone though, probably so she won't worry the kids. "Buffy, what's the matter?" I don't say anything, I just shake my head no. "Mattie, put this on the table." I hear the ruffling of the plastic bags as she hands them to him and then her arms are wrapped tightly around me. She knows why I'm so upset, or at least she should. She should know by now that seeing my sister upset over something this serious is going to affect me in a big way. "Baby, don't get like this. I know she's a mess right now, but she'll get better. It might take a long time but she will get better." She gently rubs my back for a few more seconds, then she puts her hands on my shoulders and pushes me back a little so she can see my face.

"Come on, no more tears ok?" I nod my head a little and she ruffles my hair. "That's my big girl." I try to force myself not to smile at the way she's acting but it's too hard. She smiles too, and gives me a little kiss on the lips and I feel so much better. Even though we're feeling better I still want her to be touching me. "We picked up some lunch, so lets dig in." We walk over to the table and we make up the kids' plates first. Faith got Chinese from Lim's Café. I should've known she'd go there. It was our favorite restaurant when we lived here. After we pile our plates with enough food to feed two people we sit down at the table. Faith in a chair, me in her lap, just like old times. She seems a little confused though. "Um, am I going to get my lap back anytime today or do you need it?" What a smart ass. I stab a piece of sweet and sour pork off of her plate and hold it up to her lips.

"I need it right now," I tell her and look into her eyes. She smiles a little understanding smile and wraps her lips completely around the ball of meat covered in the red sauce and slowly pulls it off the fork. She slowly chews it up and lets out a long moan. She's teasing me, and I love it. We used to do this all the time and I've missed it. There's a little bit of sauce in the cleft of her bottom lip, and I could point out that's it there. I could tell her it's there, or I could wipe it off with my finger, or I can do what I'm going to do and be done with it. I lean down and take her bottom lip in between mine and slowly suck on it. I feel her jaw clamp shut and her entire body stiffens. The kids make a big deal about it. Well, Matthew makes a big deal about it and Addison copies him. They're saying things like 'mom that's so gross', and Addison is acting like she's chocking. And I'd know if she were really chocking 'cause Matthew would be freaking out. I let go of her lip and pull away from her and she's smiling like an idiot.

"Oh, knock it off you two. She had some sauce on her lip and I was cleaning it off." Now they look really grossed out. "Besides she's my wife, I'll kiss her if I want to." I lean down and give her a little peck on the lips but they don't comment. We just go back to eating. I'm feeding Faith and she's loving every second of it. She likes getting attention like this. We're also lightly rubbing our feet together. There's nothing wrong with playing footsies, even if it's a game for teenagers. It's nice to act like this every once in a while. To not be a grown up and just relax and flirt with Faith a little. To just forget about life outside of this room, and all the worries, and stress, and everything that's happened the last couple of weeks. Maybe even the last month or so. Not just getting kidnapped by that demon, or finding out about Dawn's infidelity, but me and Faith fighting all the time. It's good to just be with her again. And suddenly I really can't wait for tonight. And judging the warmth coming from her crotch, I'd say neither can she.


	56. Home Sweet Home

**One Week Later.** BPOV

And we're finally back in Nevada! That last week felt like it was never going to end. We had to wait it out though because there were a lot of things that needed to be taken care of. Dawn's house was completely stripped of all evidence that she used to live there. Giles let us use his jet, and borrow a couple of slayers from the school and they helped us pack everything up and then they moved it into a storage facility and it's going to stay there until escrow is up on the house that's down the street from us. When we told Giles about it he immediately offered to buy it for her and she didn't put up much of a fight. She wanted to do it herself, but he told her that her money should be spent on taking care of herself and the twins. I did a lot of calling around for her, canceling all of the stuff for her house. I called the electric company, the gas company, the hot water people, the people who deliver the paper, the gardener, and the housekeeper. Yeah, Dawn had a housekeeper, how insane is that?

But all of that stuff is taken care of and we're back in Nevada. We're not home yet though. We still have to stop by Chris' place and pick up Joseph. I can't wait to hold him again. I hope he didn't give Chris too hard of a time. Our little boy has a schedule that he likes to follow so he might have had a hard time adjusting. This little boy is so picky about everything. He's worst then Goldilocks, I swear. But he's my baby and I love him, so I put up with his pickiness. That and I really don't want to hear him cry for hours on end just because he doesn't like the feel of the light green blanket. I don't know why, it's really soft, but he likes the little green quilt that Faith got for him. He likes to eat at certain times every day and night, and you can set a clock to his naps. Like I said, he's a very picky little boy and he runs a tight schedule. It's actually better this way 'cause my body has adjusted to it so at night I wake up a few minutes before he does and I have a bottle ready and waiting for him.

We've already dropped off Dawn at the hotel she's going to be staying at. Unfortunately there was no word from Kyle. She never had her hopes up or anything, she knew he wasn't going to show up or call her or anything. Everyone else wanted to have hope though, but I think deep down we knew he wouldn't come back. There are just some things you don't do to someone and what she did is one of them. But let's not talk about that right now because whenever I think about it I get a little depressed and now is a time to be happy because we're going to be home soon. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed. That hotel bed was brutal on my back. And Addison sneaking in after Faith and I fell asleep didn't help either. When I woke up I was practically hanging off of the bed and she was snuggled right up against me, using my breast as a pillow. I would've gotten very irritated but then I saw that her eyes and nose were still red from crying, and I couldn't be annoyed with her anymore. Besides, she's really cute when she's asleep.

"Alright, lets go get our baby boy," Faith says and pulls into the parking lot of the apartment complex. I am excited about seeing him again. We were gone for a lot longer then we thought we were going to be. I'm sure Chris is going to be very happy to see us. I hear Matthew sigh from the backseat and I look into the rear view mirror. He has his arms crossed over his chest, and he's staring out the window with a pissy look on his face. He's been a grouch since we left the hotel this morning. See, even though Faith made him say a better apology to Dawn he's still been very…hateful towards her because of what she did. Neither of us were about to let him treat her like that, and when we started to get on his case about it he flipped out and started yelling and saying that he can't understand how we can be nice to Dawn after she cheated on Kyle. Faith sent him to the bedroom, and he absolutely refused to apologize to Dawn again.

That's when things got a little more heated because Faith laid down the law and said that when we get home he's going straight to his room and he's not going to come out until he's ready to say he's sorry. So he's probably going to be in there for a long time. I know she said he's not going to get to come out but she's going to be reasonable about it. He'll eat meals at the table with the rest of us and he can use the bathroom when he needs to, other then that he has to stay in there. I'm starting to panic a little bit about the situation. He's never acted like this before, he's never disrespected anyone the way he did Dawn, and I really don't think we're prepared to deal with this. Addison says some pretty rude stuff sometimes, but she's only three so she doesn't know any better and after we explain that she can't talk like that she'll apologize, but Matthew knows better then to call people a whore. Faith parks the car and shuts it off.

"Ok, lets go." We all unbuckle our seatbelts. Me and Faith a little faster then the other two. I open Addison's door and she climbs out. She doesn't need help with her car seat anymore. Gotta love that slayer strength. We walk inside the building and up the stairs. The elevator here hasn't worked for the last six months or so, and management doesn't want to spend the money fix it. We walk all the way up to the third floor and down to the end of the hall. Faith knocks on the door and I wait a little impatiently. I want my baby back and I want him back now. Chris watching him was a big help. Things would have been so much more stressful if Joseph had been in Redding with us, but I miss him. The door opens and I smile when I see Chris. I used to think he looked a little too rugged, but now that I know him better he's just a big ol' teddy bear. In a very father in law type of way.

"Back so soon?" he asks and chuckles a little bit. Faith talked to him this morning and he said he was getting worried sick about us, and he had been trying to track us down. Then he lectured Faith about not turning off her cell phone at night just because she wants to have sex. She got a little grossed out because her dad said that, but she got over it. Anyway, Faith gives him a big hug and then he steps aside and lets us in. Addison immediately runs to him and lifts her arms us. He reaches down and picks her up just like she wanted. He gives her a big kiss on the cheek and she wraps her arms around his neck in a big hug. "How was my little princess? Did you have fun in California?" We still haven't told him about the demon situation, or the drama with Dawn. I can't wait to hear what Addison has to say about all of that.

"Brother saved Mommy from a demon!" she yells out and looks really excited. She's practically shaking she can't wait to get the story out. "And the demon beat Mama up real bad." Then Chris does something I've never seen him do before. He shushes Addison and tells her to keep his voice down. This coming from the man who lets them run around in nothing but their underwear and act like hell beasts. Then I hear it. The sounds of someone in the kitchen. And from the voice it sounds like a female someone. I exchange a curious glance with Faith but Addison doesn't care she just wants to tell her story. So she lowers her voice to a whisper and keeps on going. "And Brother got yelled at. 'Cause he sneaked out and the demon hurt him. But he killed it and saved Mommy." Chris glances over at Matthew with a look on his face like he's a proud parent or something. I will admit that I get a little jealous but I keep it under control.

"Well that's great," he says and puts Addison down. He looks over at Matthew again and his eyebrows furrow. Matthew isn't being the most sociable person right now. His attitude is downright shitty right now. "Why don't you two go look in the spare room, I got something for ya." Addison's face lights up and she runs off at top speed. Matthew just walks off like he doesn't care either way. He probably knows that whatever it is he isn't going to get it for long because as soon as we get home he's going on restriction. "What's wrong with him? He didn't wanna leave his little cousins?" Chris knows how excited Matthew was about the babies. All of that changed as soon as he saw them, and it breaks my heart.

"Not exactly. I don't wanna get into the details but Dawn slept with someone else and had his kids, and Mattie thinks is a god or something, and he's pretty pissed at Dawn." Chris just nods his head a little and he has a very solemn look on his face now. I glance over at Faith and she has a hesitant almost scared look on her face. I furrow my eyebrows a little at her but she isn't looking at me, she's looking at her dad. "We wanna get home as soon as possible, but sometime soon do you think you can talk to Mattie about, ya know, growing up and changing from a boy to a man?" Oh my God, she is so uncomfortable right now. It's hilarious. But I can't laugh out loud and not look crazy so I bite my lips to keep from laughing. Chris looks just as uncomfortable and I really want to laugh right now.

"Yeah, I can do that." Well, now that they got all of that out of the way, I think he should give Joseph back to us, especially since he's crying now. But before any of us can say anything or move towards the sound someone yells out 'don't worry, I'll get him!' Me and Faith look at Chris with mischievous smiles on our faces because that voice was from a female someone. He clears his throat and scratches the back of his neck. I've come to learn that when he does that it's because he's embarrassed about something. The three of us walk further into the apartment and I can se the kitchen now. Someone is making a very nice dinner. We can't get a look at who that someone is yet because she left to take care of Joseph. I can hear her walking down the hallway towards us. She's talking to my baby. I know that because she's using a baby voice. At least I hope she is. As soon as we see her Faith chuckles a little and playfully smacks Chris on the back.

"Dad, you ol' dog you." I smile wider and laugh a little bit but one glare from Chris and I'm silent and avoiding eye contact. "She's hot." And with one glare from me Faith is silent, no longer smiling and looking everywhere but the hot, blonde bombshell. I've never really had a thing for blondes. I'm more of a brunette and redhead kind of girl, but that is one hot blonde. Is it a bad sign if you're jealous of your four-month-old son because he gets to be in the arms of a very hot blonde? Because I think it is. She looks a little surprised to see us. I guess she wasn't expecting us back or something. She doesn't look mad or anything so I don't think we're interrupting anything…intimate. But you never know, she could just be really good at hiding her emotions. I can't wait to tease Chris about this.

"This is Brittany from next door. She's been helpin me out since your little one cries all night last night long." I told you he's a fussy baby. He likes his crib and nothing else. But Faith was in too big of a hurry to haul the crib all the way over here. "This is my daughter Faith, and her wife Buffy." Hey, how come I'm just the wife? Why didn't he say this is my daughter Faith and my daughter in law Buffy? Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter. She smiles and looks over at Faith and I can't help but get a little bit jealous. But right now I can't really force myself to do anything about it. I'm tired, and I just want to go home. I'm pretty sure this chick could start making out with Faith and I'd…well she's hot enough that I'd ask to watch. As long as they don't touch anything below the belt or under the clothes it isn't considered cheating. At least not if I'm watching.

"Aw, the infamous Faith," she says and holds her hand out for Faith to shake. I get a little nervous because she's holding my baby with only one arm. I do it all the time, but still that woman isn't me so I don't feel comfortable with her doing that. They shake hands and the girl gets this look on her face like something just dawned on her. "Here, you probably want your little boy back." Faith smiles and nods her head a little and says something but I'm not paying attention. I'm busy watching the look on my little boy's face as he's handed to Faith. He starting to wake up some more, so he isn't as out of it and he's finally realized that his mommies are back. He smiles starts to wiggle around and makes this whining noise that if it weren't coming from my kid I'd think it was annoying.

"We hate to just take off like this, but we really want to get home. It's been a long week for all of us," Faith says and looks over at her dad. He gives her a hug and kisses her on the forehead and she gets a little embarrassed. Then Chris gathers up the stuff that Faith left here for Joseph and loads it all up in the truck of the car. It would've been awkward while he was gone but luckily Brittany took that as her cue to leave. She was polite about it, and she seems sweet, she's just a little young. Young enough that if there was something going on between Chris and her we probably wouldn't take it too seriously. But whatever. I just want to get home.

FPOV

"Mmm, what smells so good?" B asks when she walks out onto the back patio with me. It's our first day back, and yeah I'm tired as hell, but I thought I'd make something special for dinner. That and this meat would've gone bad in the next couple of week so we might as well eat it now instead of wasting about a hundred bucks. "Steaks, huh? You must be really glad to be home." She wraps her arms around my waist from behind, and gives me a little kiss on the neck. "Joseph's almost out of wipes so I need to run to the store, and I want to do a little shopping while I'm there so I won't have to go tomorrow. I don't know if I'll be back in time for dinner." I want to ask her not to go, to just stay home and go shopping tomorrow, but I don't feel like arguing right now. Besides if I argue with her right now, and make a big deal out of this I won't get any tonight. And we may be tired but she's been in a pretty good mood all day so the odds are definitely in my favor.

"Ok baby, we'll save some for you. Could you pick up some more beer? We're almost out." She nods her head and gives my neck another little kiss, and a little nibble. "If you don't stop that you might not be leaving tonight." I turn my head and give her a little kiss on the lips. She pulls me away and gives me a little smack on the ass and leaves. I use the tongs to turn the meat over and I take another sip of my beer. See, B doesn't care if I drink this stuff. Our metabolisms are so fast that it doesn't really do anything to us unless we have a lot. She only gets on my case about the hard liquor 'cause as you've seen it fucks me up. When the meat's done I stack 'em up on a plate and wrap it in foil. I take 'em into the kitchen and put 'em in the microwave just to keep warm.

I get started on what we're going to have with the meat. Potatoes come to mind because it's a cliché for a reason. So I get out six potatoes, clean them off, wrap them with foil, stab them with a fork and put them in the oven. Ok, now that those are going, what else can we have? I thought a homemade meal would be a good idea but now that I'm actually doing it I'm starting to think Chinese would have been better. Ok, so now better but easier. I do enjoy cooking but I'm a lot more tired then I thought I was. The jet lag and everything from the last few days is finally catching up with me and I just want to sleep. Great, and now the doorbell is ringing. I yell out for Mattie to answer it, but he doesn't respond. He's in his room and on restriction and I guess he's still pissed about it.

"I'll get it, Mama!" Addy yells out from the living room and then runs for the door. I can't see the door from here, and I can't really hear that well 'cause the TV is so fucking loud, but I can still feel with my slayer senses. The thing that rung the doorbell is not human. Definitely vampire, and the only vampire who would show up at a slayer's house is Angel, so I'm not really worried. Addy will feel that he's a vampire and she'll either shut the door or come and get me. Yep, any second now she's going to come running in here telling me that there's a vampire at the door. Or not. I stop chopping up the lettuce for the salad and put the knife down. I walk over to the doorway and glance at the front door. From my spot I can see them, but they can't see me. It isn't Angel like I thought it was gonna be. Nope, it's Spike. And he's kneeling down so he's eye to eye with my little girl. Now that I'm closer I can hear every word they're saying.

"My mommy's at the store," Addy says. I guess Spike asked for Buffy. What the fuck does he want with her? We just got back, things aren't supposed to be stressful and dramatic and shit. We were supposed to get some time off, because that's how it works. Something really bad goes down, and we deal with it, and then we get time off! That's how it always been! I want to rush forward and pull my baby away from him and tell him to fuck off, but I stay back. Spike's never been invited in so it's not like he can hurt us, and I want to see what Addy's going to do. She's never been around a vampire before and I just want to see how she reacts. I remember how Mattie reacted, nice clean punch to the nose, just the thought of it makes me smile a little. "She won't be back for a long time." I roll my eyes a little bit but then pay attention.

"Is that so?" he asks and she nods her head. "And does your other…mommy," I guess he was going to say 'mummy' but decided not to. "Always let her little girl answer the door?" She shakes her head no, but she doesn't say anything. Well I'll be damned, Spike is the thing that gets her to shut up. Maybe he should come by more often. I know that sounds mean, but Addison loves to talk, and it gets annoying after a while. When you just want some peace and quiet, the last thing you want is a little kid following you around telling you some stories about her imaginary friend and all of the shit they do.

"Are you a vampire?" she asks and he just stares at her. Hmm, I wonder what he's going to say? I mean, he could lie to her, but then she'd know that he's lying. Or he could tell her the truth, and I have no idea how Addy is going to react. Well, I guess we're about to find out.

"Yes, but I'm a good vampire." Good vampire my ass. "I have a soul." Right, 'cause she really knows what having a soul means. She's three for God's sake. Then she does something that makes me want to run out and kiss her.

"You're a good vampire like Angel?" I don't think I've ever seen Spike so pissed before. I want to laugh but I don't want them to know I'm here. Oh man that was some good shit. I'm actually glad he showed up because it gave me this memory that I'm going to cherish forever. You probably think I'm crazy, so let me explain. Spike hates being compared to Angel more then anything in the entire world. And he was just compared to him by a three-year-old that he's never even met before. It's some great shit that I'm so glad I was a witness to.

"No, I'm not like Angel." I have to give him some props here because he's trying as hard as he can to keep the anger out of his voice. I can tell by his expression. It almost looks like he's in pain or something. "Angel is as dull as a table lamp." That makes Addy giggle a little bit. She's never met Angel before, but Buffy has told her stories about him, tried to make him a big hero and all, which he is, but Addy wasn't too impressed.

"Why do you wanna talk to my mommy?" Yeah Spike, what do you have to say to my wife? Buffy's gone so I don't have to worry about him actually talking to her, but I am curious. I'd be just as curious if it was Angel or anyone else so don't look at me like that. This has very little to do with jealousy.

"Well, me and your mum used to be friends but we haven't seen each other in a long time." That was a pretty good answer. At least he's not saying stuff to my kid that I don't want her to know. Otherwise I'd dust him and tell Buffy he tried to attack me or something. I'm pretty sure after all these years she'd get upset if I dusted her precious vampire. "And I heard about the demon that took her when she was in California, and I wanted to make sure she was ok." That son of a bitch. So that's why he's here? That shit happened a little over a week ago and he's just now coming to see how she's doing? What is he playing at here?

"My brother saved Mommy," Addy says and I roll my eyes a little bit. And she found another person to tell her story to. Spike lets out a 'really?' that he puts extra emphasis on, just like everyone else. "Yeah. The demon hurt him bad." And my baby girl does something I never thought she'd ever do. She steps forward, out of the safety of the house, and onto the lap of the vampire on our porch. She's never done that before. It took her a little over a week to get used to my dad enough to let him even give her a hug, and she's crawling into the lap of Spike after only talking to him for like five minutes? What kind of shit is that? Alright, I've had enough. It's time I break this tea party up. I walk out and make sure to step down a little harder then normal so they'll both hear me. Addy is still going on and on about Mattie the Great. Spike sees me and puts Addy down on the porch and Stands up to face me.

"Faith, how are you?" he asks with a little nod of his head. I reach over and flick on the porch light so I can see him better. He flinches a little bit but it only takes his eye seconds to adjust. I reach down and pull my baby back into the house before I say a word, and when I do all I say is 'fine'. He gets that innocent look on his face when he thinks he needs to explain himself or something. And that's exactly what he's going to do. "Right, I'm not here to make trouble. I heard about what happened in good ol' Redding, and I just wanted to make sure that Buffy is doing ok. I would've come sooner but I didn't find out about it until this morning." I sigh and cross my arms over my chest.

"Well, Buffy's fine. If she wasn't I would've called Angel to let him know. So why don't you go ahead and run along? You're smart enough to know when you're not wanted." Yeah, I know I'm being harsh, but I don't care. Buffy forgave Spike for all of the horrible things he did, which I sort of get. She obviously forgave me but then again I never tried to rape her. Not only that, but my little girl just crawled into his lap, and he had his arm around her. Mostly to keep her from falling, but it still bugs me. I don't want him touching my kid, and my kid isn't shy about being near him, which is really fuckin weird since she's usually pretty shy around men that she doesn't know. I start to close to the door but something blocks it. I look down and Addy is holding onto it and she has a panicked look on her face.

"No, Mama," she says and jumps back outside and stands next to Spike. "I wanna tell him about Brother." Are you fucking kidding me? What is it about Spike that has all of the girls fawning over him? Seriously? Dawn had a major crush on him, Buffy slept with him, Anya slept with him, I'm sure he's had plenty of other women and she-vamps over the years, so what's the deal? He's not even that good looking. But I have to admit that when I first got back to Sunnydale after the prison break, and before I brushed up on my Buffy and Spike history I thought about sleeping with him. Mostly 'cause I've always been kinda curious what it's like to be with a vamp, and because I was fresh outta prison and hornier then a dog in heat. Fuck that, I was hornier then a teenager in heat.

"Addy, dinner's almost ready so Spike is gonna have to leave so we can eat." Yeah, I know it's a flimsy excuse but I don't care. He isn't going to be invited into this house, and he isn't going to hang out on our porch all night, and he isn't going to be spending anymore time with my daughter. But then she starts whining, and it's really annoying. She's also grabbing onto Spike's leg so he can't leave, and all of this is grinding against my nerves. Then she gets the tears in her eyes, and her bottom lip is quivering. Dammit! Why am I so soft? "Fine, Spike can stay. But you still have to eat dinner." And just like that, the tears are gone, the lip is back to normal and she's all smiles. She holds onto his hand and starts to walk forward, but he doesn't move an inch. I still haven't said the magic words. "Come in, Spike." He gets a very cocky smile on his face and he walks right in and takes a look around.

"Nice digs. Way better then the little shack you had in Redding." He pauses for a few seconds and I roll my eyes a little. "Then again my crypt in SunnyD was better then any house in Redding." That's pretty true. It used to be a nice town when we first moved there. But then meth got really bad and all of the property values dropped and all the rich people moved away and the meth heads pretty much made up the general population. God, I'm really glad we decided to move. I really don't want my kids around that kind of shit.

"Come look at my room," Addy says and starts pulling him towards the hallway. I can't help but smile an evil little smile. If Spike thought he could come in here and be left alone then he's fucking stupid. Addy obviously likes him for whatever reason and she's going to torture him. Ok, so not actual torture, but five bucks says she'll try to get him to play Barbies with her. Yep, Spike is like her new bestest friend right now. If it wasn't him it would be Mattie, but he's on restriction, and that's probably why she's acting like this with Spike. She just wants someone to play with, and I'm busy with dinner and Buffy is at the store. Too bad Spike's a vampire, otherwise I'd take pictures. I'm not too worried about him being in her room with her. He's a vampire but he has a soul and he'd never hurt a child. And if he does in any way, shape, or form I'll dust him and I know that not even Buffy can be pissed about it.

BPOV

So I guess before I got home Spike was here. Faith invited him in the house and everything. It's all because of Addison that she caved. That little girl is turning into a master of manipulation. But Spike didn't stick around for long. Apparently my little girl got him to play Barbies with her but he drew the line at dress up, and said he had a demon he needed to slay, and got out of here as fast as he could. I'm kind of sad that I missed it. It's not like Faith could take pictures or anything because Spike's a vampire and doesn't photograph very well. I think it's a little funny that William the Bloody, psycho murderer who killed off a lot of Europe can't stand to be around my little girl. She's the one that scared him off and he probably won't be coming back. Gotta admit it does make me a little proud.

"Matthew, it's time for bed," I tell him and he glances up at me over the screen of his Gameboy. At first Faith had said that he wasn't allowed to play with any toys at all, but I talked to her about it and we both agree that it would be a cruel and unusual punishment to do that. Being locked up in his room is going to be punishment enough since it's summertime. Five bucks says his friends are going to show up tomorrow asking if he can play. He turns off the game, puts it on his nightstand and crawls under the covers. He never says a word to me. I walk into the room and sit down on the edge of the bed, and gently stroke his hair. "Matthew, why are you so mad at aunt Dawn? I promise no matter what you say you won't get in trouble, and I won't get mad. "At least I'll try not to. He just keeps staring straight ahead, and he doesn't look up at me or move a muscle.

"Because she cheated on Kyle." He doesn't say anything for a few seconds. I'm about to asking him something else but he keeps going. "When you're in love with somebody you're not supposed to cheat. She did something really bad and nobody cares. Nobody thinks what she did was bad. And Kyle's gone and it's all her fault." Ok, so I do understand where he's coming from. He's not just angry at her, but all of us but he's taking it out on Dawn because she's the easy target. I sigh a little and shift my weight around on the bed. I need to explain this as best as I can so he'll understand. I understand why he's so mad, but I don't want him to be hateful about it.

"You're right." That makes him look up at me. I guess he wasn't expecting that. "What aunt Dawn did is very wrong, and she shouldn't have done it. She should've been loyal to Kyle and not have slept with that other man. But she knows, Matthew. She knows that what she did is wrong, and that Kyle probably won't be coming back and it's all he fault. And right now she's raising those two babies, and she's alone. Yes, we're going to be helping her, but it's not the same. Kyle isn't there anymore to hold her when she's upset. Or cheer her up when she's sad, or share the babies with, and she knows it's all her fault. She made a mistake and now she's paying for it. It's ok to be mad at her. I'm mad at her too. But I love her enough to not let my anger get in the way of helping her."

"But I don't want to help her. I'm too mad at her to help her. I don't won't anything to do with her." He's being stubborn about it, that much is obvious. I don't know how I'm going to get through to him. Maybe I should just back off? He's angry with her, that's just how he feels, and I'm sure that only time will take that away. But I have to make it clear that he can't talk to her like he has been all week. I don't care how angry is get he has no right to call my sister a whore. So I'm going to do something that might blow up in my face, and it is a low blow, but I'm desperate. I've used this card before and even then it was a last resort.

"I understand that you're angry, but you can't talk to aunt Dawn, or anyone like you did. You're the oldest, Matthew, so you have to set a good example for your sister. She heard you call aunt Dawn some bad names, and she saw the way you were acting. She looks up to you, and if she sees you doing it then she's going to want to do it too. You don't want you sister acting hateful, do you?" He shakes his head no but he doesn't say anything. "And it's ok to be angry right now, but do you think maybe one day you'll be able to be the bigger person and forgive aunt Dawn for what she did? Forgiving her won't mean that what she did was right. It'll just mean that you love her enough that it doesn't matter. That you'll be there for her, and be nice to her again." He shrugs his shoulders, but against he's quiet. "Will you think about it? Can you do that for me?" He nods his head yes and I smile a little bit. I lean down and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight, I love you," I whisper and he says it back. I give him a hug, and one more kiss then I get up, turn off the light, and leave the room. I gently close the door and my eyes instantly well up with tears. I've already said my goodnight to Addison so I don't really need to worry about stopping the tears. I go into my bedroom, and shut the door. Faith is feeding Joseph his bedtime bottle out in the kitchen, and I feel a little lonely being in here by myself. I open up the window a little bit because it's hot and for whatever reason the air conditioner doesn't want to work in our bedroom. It's nothing too bad. It just means that I'll only be sleeping in a baggy t-shirt, so will Faith, and Joseph will be in nothing but a diaper. I strip down and put on one of Faith's nightshirts. It's the one she wore last night so it still has her smell on it. I crawl under the covers and pull the collar of the shirt up to my nose and take a little whiff.

I glance over at the door when I hear it open. Faith is holding Joseph and he's asleep. One arm is hanging off to the side and dangling a little bit, and I can hear him snoring a little. It makes me smile a little. The tears still haven't gone away and Faith looks a little concerned. She carefully puts our baby in his crib and covers him up with the blanket. It's a very thin blanket and it shouldn't make him overheat or anything. It'll just keep his skin from getting chilly. Anyway, after she puts him down she crawls under the covers and turns out her lamp. It takes a couple seconds for our eyes to adjust to the darkness we're lying on our sides facing each other and I know she's going to ask why I'm upset. Before she can get a word out I kiss her. Even though my eyes are closed I can feel my tears disappear, and they're replaced with something else: desire.

In one motion I roll her over onto her back and straddle her waist. My hands instantly go to the hem of her shirt and I lift it up. She arches her back a little to help me out, but I don't lift it all the way up. I only lift it over her breasts, and then I stop kissing her mouth and latch onto her left nipple. She moans a little, and she pulls my on hair. It takes me a few seconds to realize that she isn't pulling my hair because I'm making her feel good. She's pulling my hair so I'll let go of her. So I do because I'm not going to keep doing something if she doesn't like it. I look into her eyes and she looks a little confused, but the desire is in there too. I know she's going to ask what's wrong with me. She's going to ask why I was about to cry, and she's going to ask why I'm still lightly grinding against her when I was upset just a minute before. But I cut her off because I don't have words for why I'm upset. I just am, and talking about it isn't going to make me feel better. She can make me feel better.

"Faith, please, just make me feel better." She nods her head a little and gives me a little smile. I go back to sucking on her breast. I roll her nipple around in my mouth, and she's moaning but trying to be quiet. I let go and take off my shirt. I'm completely naked and she's staring at my body with a lot of desire on her face and it's making my wetter then I already am. Even though I have stretch marks, and been pregnant twice, and we've been together for twelve years. I thought that by now the spice would be out of our love life, but it's not. I still need her, I still want her, and she feels the same about me. She takes off her shirt, and we're both completely naked. I'm sitting up high enough that the covers have slipped down my body and have pooled around my hips. I take a hold of her right hand and gently put it on my stomach. She knows what I want and it won't be long before I get it. Faith loves it when we have sex this way because she likes the view, and she gets to slack off a little bit.

I don't really care about that right now. Her little bit of laziness doesn't make me feel insecure about my body. The feel of her hand slowly sliding down my stomach, to my abdomen, and now she's gently running her fingers through my curls is turning me on even more though. I start to quiver a little when her middle finger touches my throbbing clit. I start to rock against her hand, and I'm moaning and not trying to hold back. I don't care if the kids hear, I don't care if the neighbors hear because the window is open a little, I just don't care. I need this, and that's all that matters. Then she slips her finger lower and teases my dripping entrance. I push myself down on her finger and I moan when she enters me. I pull up and when I go to push back down she enters me with two more fingers. I moan out and I take in a deep breath through my partly open mouth.

We find a rhythm and it doesn't take long for it to speed up. She brushes against my g-spot and I throw my head back and moan out her name. I keep riding her, and look down at her. She's watching me so closely. First her eyes are on my face. It's flushed and there's sweat around my hair line, and I'm sure my eyes look black my pupils are so big with desire. Then her eyes travel down a little and she's watching my hair lightly bounce around my shoulders. I can tell she wants to reach out and run her fingers through it, but she knows I won't let her. So her keeps going. Her eyes watch the little beads of sweat make their way down my chest and in between my breasts. Her eyes stay there for a few minutes. She watches my breasts bounce with the motion of me riding her. But her eyes don't stay there for long. They travel down to my stomach and abdomen, and then to her hand. She's watching me ride her, watching her fingers slip in and out of me. Her breathing increases, and she starts to sweat a little more.

I'm riding her hard now. The headboard is slamming against the wall so hard I think it's going to leave a dent. I can feel my orgasm building, and I close my eyes. I can't force myself to keep them open anymore. I concentrate on the feel of her fingers pumping in and out of me at a hard and fast pace. I concentrate on the feeling building up inside of me. It's like I'm trying to force it out instead of waiting until I'm ready, but I don't care. I need this, and I'm going to have this. The pressure builds up even more and I don't have to force it out, I don't have to do anything but keep riding Faith's hand, because she knows my body almost better then I do. She knows that I'm close and she's rubbing against my g-spot with every thrust.

And then I finally pop, as Faith would say. My orgasm gushes out of me and all over Faith's hand. I start calling out her name, over and over and over again and I'm not trying to be quiet, because I still don't care. As my orgasm finally starts to subside so does all of my tension, and pain, and anger, and all of the feelings that I've been bottling up for the last couple of weeks. I collapse to Faith's side and she rolls with me so we're facing each other again. Her fingers are still buried inside of me and she's gently rubbing my g-spot. It doesn't matter that my orgasm has come and gone, she knows that. She's trying to get me worked up again, and it's working. I kiss her deeply and wrap my arms around her. I roll over on my back and she moves with me. She's in between my legs, I can feel her mound pressed against mine and I groan. Her fingers aren't in me anymore.

Instead she reaches down and spreads our lips apart and positions herself so our clits are rubbing against one another. Her forehead is pressed against my shoulder and I can feel her hot and shallow breath against my burning skin. She's already way more worked up then I am and it only takes her about five thrusts before she comes all of my hot, wet pussy. She keeps going though, she barely slows down as she rides out her orgasm, and even when her muscles start to relax she doesn't stop the slow rhythm we have going. I don't know how long it takes, but she gets another orgasm out of me. I call out her name as I feel the pleasure wash over me. I grip her back with my nails and scratch her a little bit. She loves it when I do that.

I feel her come again only seconds after I do, and it makes me moan out her name. It's the only thing I can think of to say. My brain is completely useless at this point. We stop moving after a few minutes and my muscles feel exhausted. We're both breathing hard, and sweating like crazy as we try to recover from what just happened. We're both trembling and I feel hot tears land on my shoulder. It's been a while since she's come hard enough to make her cry. I wrap my arms around her and just hold her. It's been a long time since I've held her, since I've comforted her. She's always comforting me, always holding me and making me feel better. I feels nice being able to do the same for her. It isn't long before the sobbing subsides. I give her a little kiss on her ear since it's the only part of her face that's exposed to me. She lets out a little sigh and I smile as we both slip into unconsciousness.

FPOV

After last night I am definitely feeling more relaxed. This morning I woke up in Buffy's arms, which is pretty rare, and I felt great. We were well on our way to having a quickie but then the baby woke up and I volunteered to get up and get him some breakfast. That was half an hour ago, and B is still lying down. I told her to just stay in bed and relax for a little while. I'm going to make her breakfast in bed and for that she kinda needs to be in bed, ya know? Addy and Mattie woke up not too long ago and I already got 'em doing chores. Well, Mattie is, Addy is just helpin out. I haven't told B about it yet, but last night I made a deal with Mattie. I'll let him come out of his room but he has to be doing chores. He can't play with his friends, or go swimming, or anything like that. He likes doing chores more then being locked away in his room and this way I can have him do the things that I would normally have to do.

I make up B's plate and put it on the tray. I don't know why I'm feeling so…giddy this morning. Probably 'cause I had two mind blowing orgasms last night. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's why I'm in such a great mood. I carry the tray into the bedroom but I stop in the doorway. I watch Buffy as she sits on the bed, back against the headboard, legs bent at the knee and Joey is laying on her thighs, his feet against her stomach, and she's talking baby talk to him and tickling him and he's laughing and it makes her laugh. Her hair is really messy from last night, and she has little bags under her eyes 'cause she didn't get a lot of sleep, but she's never looked more beautiful then right now. Seeing her smile, and hearing her laugh, just seeing her when she's happy it's making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It makes me feel like I've finally done something right in my life.

"Hey baby," I say and walk into the room. She looks over at me and smiles wider. God she's just so damn beautiful. I sit down on the edge of the bed and put the tray down. I lean over and give her a little kiss on the lips. Her morning breath doesn't bother me a whole lot, but I guess mine bugs her, 'cause she pulls back pretty fast. "I made us some breakfast." She puts Joey down on the bed and he gives her this little 'why?' kinda look and it makes both of us laugh. He's a mommy's boy that much is already obvious. I hope he doesn't get so bad in the future that he'll only go to Buffy, and listen to Buffy, and want to be around Buffy all the time. Addy was starting to get that way but then we had Joey and she just went back to worshipping the ground that Mattie walks on.

"You did make some for the kids right?" she asks and takes a bite of toast. I nod my head since I'm currently chewing some bacon. She hates it when I talk with my mouth full and I don't want to annoy her. I want her to be happy for as long as possible. There been so much angst lately I just want her to be happy. Things probably aren't going to be this peaceful again for a while. Mattie is still acting like a little punk and I don't know how to make him stop. I tried talking to him when I took the kids to the park, but he wouldn't open up. I've always been able to get him to open up. When he finishes with all the chores I'm going to give him, I'm going to take him out to the training shed and we're going to spar for a while. Maybe if I let him get out all of his aggression he'll calm down and tell me what's been bothering him.

I watch as Buffy puts a little bit of jelly on the tip of her finger and then reaches down and rubs it on Joey's bottom lip. His eyebrows scrunch up and he gives her a 'what the hell?' kind of look and squirms around a little. At first he looks like he's gonna cry, but then his tongue pokes out and he licks his lip and he calms down when he tastes the artificial grape deliciousness. Oh God, I think I just channeled Xander. When all of the jelly is gone from his lip he opens his mouth really wide and starts whining. He looks kinda like a baby bird or something right now and it's damn cute. I take my half eaten piece of bacon and gently rub it against his tongue for a few seconds. His eyebrows scrunch up again at the new taste, but he gets used to it and starts to relax. I have to pull it away when he tries to close his mouth around it. I don't want him to choke or anything. And he starts crying when I take the meat away and he sees me stick it in my mouth and chew it up.

"I think you created a monster, B. Now he's gonna want to eat all of our food." I'm only teasing and she knows it. He doesn't stop crying until Buffy puts a little more jelly on his lip and now he's busy with that. "So, what do you want to do today? 'Cause I was thinking we could just hang out, maybe take a dip in the pool." She looks over at me with a little bit of guilt and I know why. She's going to go over to Dawn's and help her out for a while. "It's ok, baby, you don't have to feel guilty about it. She needs your help, nothing wrong with that." I lean over and give her another little kiss on the lips. I hear the backdoor open and slam closed. Great, they must be done. I hope they didn't let Tucker in the house while he's soaking wet. Then I hear Addy's little footsteps running across the floor towards our bedroom. She runs in and she's soaked from head to toe. Good thing I had them wear their bathing suits or B would be pissed.

"Mama we're done. And Brother took Tucker for a walk." She climbs up on the bed and sits down next to Joey. He starts kicking his feet and squealing because his big sister is in the room. Yep, Joey seems to be madly in love with the women of this house who aren't me. I don't mean to sound jealous but…well…Mattie was always so attached to me when he was little and the other two aren't like that. Addy is all about Mattie, and Joey is all about B and Addy. The only one who still wants to be around only me is Tucker, and that's only when he gets up off of his dog bed. He's getting old, and his joints are giving him hell. He's on pain medication but I don't think it's enough. But let's not thing about depressing stuff that will only lead to even more depressing stuff. I want to be happy right now.

"I told him not to leave the yard," I say out loud to no one in particular. I sigh a little and shake my head. I take a bite of toast and slowly chew it up. Do all little kids get headstrong when they reach this age? God I hope not. Addy is bad enough as it is. I already know she's going to be one of those headstrong, arrogant, independent, 'I don't give a fuck what you say' teenagers. I really don't want my baby girl to be like me, but hey, there's not much we can do about it. She's already a little like that now, and I'm slowly starting to accept the fact that she's most likely going to be like that when she's a teenager. All of my kids are probably going to be really stubborn when they're older. One, because half of their genetic makeup comes from Buffy. And two, because they're slayers. A slayer is one of the most stubborn people you'll ever fuckin meet. And I live with four of 'em.

"I want some bacon," Addy says and flutters her eyelashes. Oh, this kid is good. B rips off a piece of my bacon and hands it to her. Hey, that was mine. I would whine but I'd like to pretend that I'm more mature then that. "Thank you, Mommy." Well, she has good manners at least we did one thing right. We keep eating, and Addy keeps mooching even though there is a plate sitting on the kitchen table waiting for her. Oh well, I really don't feel like arguing with her right now so I'll just let her share with me. Joey is whining for anymore food, mostly because he saw his hand and now he's concentrating on moving his fingers around. It's hilarious to see. He's holding his hand about three inches from his face and he's slowly bending his fingers and then straightening them out again, and he has this look of concentration on his face like if he looks away he could screw something up.

"I'm gonna get a shower," B says when she's done with her food. She gives Joey a kiss on the lips, then Addy and then me. Only she lingers on me for a few seconds until I try to deepen it. She pulls away with a little giggle and a cute little smile on her face. "I think you got enough of that last night." I smile a mischievous little smile and wrap my hand around the back of her neck. I pull her down and press my lips against hers. She doesn't fight against me as I open my mouth and run the tip of my tongue over her bottom lip. She opens her mouth and her tongue comes out to tease mine. We battle for a little bit, going back and forth in each others' mouths and then she finally gives up the fight. I swirl my tongue on the roof of her mouth and she moans a little bit.

"I don't think I should be seeing this," I hear Addy say and I barely get my mouth off of Buffy's before I start crackin up laughin. Man, this kid is hilarious sometimes. B starts laughing too but not as hard as me. I watch her lean over and give Addy a little kiss on the cheek and Addy's face scrunches up. "Gross Mommy, you got spit on me!" She wipes at her cheek and I start cracking up even more. Man it feels good to laugh like this again. It feels good to not have to worry about anything. Then again I guess we do. We have to worry about Dawn, and her two kids, and then Mattie's bad attitude. But I'm going to forget about all of that for right now 'cause last night I had great sex with B, and this morning things are kinda going my way. So I have no reason to worry right now.

I take Joey out to the living room and put him in his bouncy seat. Then I go back into my bedroom and get the tray with the dirty dishes. Addy helps me rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher. Almost all little kids like to help out with household chores and stuff. They like to do a good job and then be praised for it. We even came up with a little reward system for it. We came up with it while B was on bed rest with Moose over there. They made this chart out of construction paper and markers. It has Mattie and Addy's names on the left side, and then a bunch of squares going in straight lines all the way over to the right. We taped it to the fridge so we can put little gold star magnets in the squares. They get a star whenever they do a chore, and when they get ten gold stars they get to pick out a toy. The only thing they never wanna help me do is clean up the backyard after Tucker. I always get stuck doing that one alone.

"Mama, can Brother not be in trouble anymore?" She sounds so sad. No, I can't give into it. She's just trying to manipulate me. She's getting really good at it, and I have to be stronger then that. "I don't like playing by myself." I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I'm about to explain why Mattie can't play with her, but then I get another idea. I never thought I'd ever suggest this, but her brother is in trouble and I'm not going to let him off restriction just because she's lonely. I lift her off the counter and put her back on the floor. She's looking up at me with those big puppy dog eyes and I can feel my resolve melting. She's only three, and I'm a grown woman, her mother for God's sake. I can't let her just get her way.

"Well, if you're really good today then maybe we can have Brad come over tomorrow. But not today, alright? Me and Mommy are still tired." Because we had mind blowing sex last night. I don't say that part obviously, but I think it. She gets all happy and bubbly and runs outta the room. Whatta weirdo. I sit down at the table where Joey's bouncy seat is and I start talking to him, and tickling his feet and kissing his belly. He likes it when I do that. I hear the front door open, then close, and I sigh. Here we go. I watch as Mattie tries to sneak by, and go to his room, but it's too late for that. "Stop." He stops walking and slowly turns around. Tucker is right beside him and the sight of it makes me think back to all of the times in the past when they would try to sneak into Mattie's room after he did something wrong.

"I told you not to leave the yard. I don't care if you were walking Tucker, I told you not to leave. So stay in your room for the rest of the day." He groans and his shoulders slump down a little bit. "You can end all of this, Mattie. All you gotta do is say you're sorry to aunt Dawn, and stop being mean to her." He just shakes his head and walks down the hall and into his room. I sigh and look over at Joey and he's smiling at me. "What am I going to do with that boy, hmm?" He start laughing a little as I tickle his chin and it makes me laugh. "At least you're not old enough to give me any trouble." I give him a little kiss on his lips, and then he starts fussing. I look over at the clock and it's ten twenty-three. Time for his mid-morning bottle. Only eighteen years and all of the kids will be out of the house, and I won't have to do this mother thing anymore. At least that's something to look forward to, 'cause dealing with Mattie while he's like this is definitely not something that's filling me with joy.


	57. They Grow Up So Fast

**One Month Later.** FPOV

There are certain days out of the year that parents dread and get excited about at the same time. We dread it because there's a lot of work, and preparation that goes into it. There are a lot of things to buy, a lot of things to set up, a lot of people to invite, food to make or buy, drink to buy, paper cuts, paper plates and bowls, plastic spoons, forks, and knives. And lets not forget about the cake. Not a lot of parents honestly care what cake they get, but Buffy does and I was the one who had to special order it and pick it up from the baker. Then there's making sure you have enough ice, because we always seem to run out of ice. Everything is hectic and loud, and halfway through it you wonder why the hell you decided to do this in the first place.

And something always goes wrong. It doesn't matter how hard you try, one thing or another will screw up. You either forget one of the items, or one kid gets into a fight with the other and causes drama, or the younger sibling gets jealous and acts out. And again you wonder why you put up with it. But then you see the look on your kids face as they rip into their presents. How their face lights up when they get exactly what they asked for. And you get the perfect shot of them blowing out the candles on the cake, and it makes all the other shit worth while. But mostly you put up with it because it's your kid's birthday. A lot of the time you spend out of the moment, just taking a good look at the person you're raising, and you think back to on all of the memories that you cherish the most.

You're excited because you're proud of how big your kid has gotten, how much they've grown over the years, and the anticipation of the future. They still think they can be anything they want to be. They still have their dreams and their hopes. They're not jaded by the world, and they're still very naïve and think that the world is perfect. That good always wins over evil, and that one day there will be world peace. At the same time you dread the future. You dread it because it's making your little baby grow up, when you just want them to be your little baby forever. You don't want them to get older and become more independent from you. You don't want them to start dating, or move out, or go off to college. You just want to stop time and keep your baby from growing up.

If you're like me then you try to forget about all of the uncertainty that the future has. You forget that your little boy is now a year older, and just one more year closer to not needing you anymore. You forget about all of that, and live in the now. You don't worry that you might run out of ice, or that two of the little kids don't like each other and have been snippy with each other since they showed up. Nope. You take pictures to capture all of the moments you don't want to forget, and you congratulate your kid on all of the great stuff they got this year. And Mattie got a lot of great stuff. I can't wait to get my hands on those toys. That's one of the best things about being a mom: all of the toys. You get to be a kid again when you play with yours. But you have to be careful because sometimes you can get a little too caught up and start acting too much like a kid. And it's really embarrassing when your long time girlfriend walks in on you fighting with your seven-year-old son over a toy.

"Mom, can I open this one now?" he asks and B looks a little conflicted. He wants to open up the tool box that my dad bought him, but there are a lot of parts, and B doesn't want any of 'em to get lost. So she tells him no and he groans about it a little, but he isn't going to whine or anything because my dad's here and Mattie is always trying to impress him. Things were a little weird between them for a couple of weeks because my dad gave Mattie 'the talk'. That kind of thing is awkward and it took him a while to shake it off, but they're back to normal now. If anything Mattie listens to him better now. It kinda sucks when your kid listens to your dad better then he listens to you. But we're dealing with it. Last month when he was being a little punk it took a while but we finally made him see reason.

It wasn't as hard as I thought it was gonna be. It was extremely awkward, and I never thought I'd have that kind of conversation with any of my kids but it worked. Get your mind outta the gutter, I didn't tell my kid about my sex life. I left out a lot of the details, but I told him what Angel used to mean to Buffy, and how they were in love and all that shit. Then I told him how I got jealous and I tried to poison Angel to get him out of the picture. I told him that Buffy knew I was the one who did it, and how pissed she was. I didn't tell him she tried to kill me 'cause I don't want any of my kids knowing the full details about the Buffy and Faith history. Anyway, I skipped forward to the part where despite all of the bad stuff I did to her, she was still able to forgive me, and love me. It did the trick and he told Dawn he was sorry for being so mean, and he's been friendly with her ever since. He hasn't forgotten the fact that Kyle isn't around anymore and he's still a little upset about that, but he's getting better.

"Hey Faith," I look over when I hear Kennedy talkin to me. She's holdin Joey and he's crying kinda hard. He doesn't look too happy either. Kennedy's lookin a little panicked too. She loves kids but she has no idea how to take care of a baby. That's why she didn't start babysitting Mattie until he was about two. By that time he was walking and kinda talking. He couldn't say full sentences, but he could jabber out some words. "I think your boy wants you." If he does it's a first. This kid is all about Buffy. I can't blame him 'cause before we had kids I was all about only Buffy too. It's a little frustrating though when you're the only parent though and your kid won't stop cryin 'cause he wants his mommy, but his mommy won't be back for another hour or so. Yeah, sometimes being a parent sucks.

"Alright," I tell her and reach out for my baby. Surprisingly he holds his arms out towards me and lets me take him from Kennedy. He stops screaming, but the tears are still coming out. His bottom lip is stickin out and he still doesn't look happy. "Aw, poor baby boy. Did the mean girl try to give you some affection?" I ask in my baby voice. Now that I can see his forehead better I know what happened. He's shy around people he doesn't know very well, and Kennedy and Cordelia are two of those people. He let Kennedy hold him, but he was probably on the edge of tears. And then she gave him a big ol' kiss on his forehead, leaving lip prints from her lipstick, and he started crying. That happens with almost every woman that holds him. And lot of them do. Babies are chick magnets, and they always want to hold the baby, and sometimes I let them, and they always end up giving him a little kiss and he always freaks out.

I look over when I see Mattie get up from the table. He runs over where all of his friends are standing around and he joins in on whatever game they're playing. I'm not sure what it is. Mattie's starting to show more interest in sports, which is normal. He wants to join the football team this coming school year, but me and B aren't too sure about that. He proved without a doubt that he's really fuckin strong, and we don't want him to accidentally hurt another kid running to make a touch down or something. I think it's a little sad that he only wants to be around his guy friends now. Lindsay used to be apart of their group, but now that all of them have reached adolescence they've kind of shunned her a little bit. They still play together sometimes, but not as much. I would feel horrible about it, but it seems little Lindsay has also reached adolescence and wants to hang out with other girls instead of the group.

"Hey baby," Buffy says and gives me a little kiss on the cheek. Joey instantly starts whining and reaches out for her. I pass him off to her and he calms down. I give her a little kiss on the lips and I feel her smile. I pull back and just look at her. She looks so beautiful, but I always think that. "It seems a little unreal, doesn't it?" I give her a questioning look and she nods her head in the direction she's staring at. I follow her gaze and see the group of boys and now they're playing a game of touch football. "Think about it Faith, he's ten years old now. Nine and half years ago he looked a lot like this." I look at her again and now she's looking down at Joey with a little smile on her face. "It just doesn't seem real." I take a step closer to her so I'm in her personal space and run the back of my fingers on her arm.

"I know. I mean, it's been an entire decade. We've been on this planet for over three decades. Makes you feel kinda old, doesn't it?" I look into her eyes and I have a little smile on my face. I'm only saying all this just to mess with her. To me she'll always be beautiful. But I don't think she's worried about my opinion. I think she's worried about what other people think of her. I look for any sign of a freak out or something, but nothing changes. Ok, so she should either get an Oscar for that performance, or she really doesn't care about getting old. I think I'm gonna go with the second one. I still gotta try to smooth things over or I will be in trouble for this later. "But one thing that hasn't changed is you are still the most beautiful woman in the entire world." She smiles and I can't help but feel relieved. Dodged a fuckin bullet on that one. Good thing I'm good at coming up with that romantic crap whenever I need to.

"Don't look so relaxed. You're so not getting any tonight. You might even be sleeping on the couch," she whispers and gives me a little kiss on the lips before she walks off and joins her group of friends a.k.a. the Stepford wives. Alright, I know I shouldn't say that since we're sort of friends, and they are pretty cool people once you get to know them. We just have very little in common. I watch as they fawn and dote over my little boy and since he's in the arms of his mommy he isn't being very shy. If anything I'm not jealous because Joey wants Buffy more then he wants me. I think I'm more jealous that Buffy spends more time with the kids then she does me. But whatever. It's been that way for ten years now. You have a kid and suddenly your priorities change. You look at the little life that you helped create and you think: oh my God, that's my child, half of his DNA is mine. And then you look at your partner and you think: who the fuck are you? I don't care if you need attention, I've got a baby to take care of.

Ok, that maybe a little of an exaggeration, but basically it is kind of true. You stop caring whether or not you get any time to snuggle with your partner during the day, or how many nights a week you have sex. Your sole priority is to make sure that the baby doesn't die. And all of my kids are still alive so I think I'm doing a pretty good job so far. Mattie has been having some anger issues, but that's normal. He's growing up, and part of growing up is becoming overwhelmed with so many hormones that nothing really makes sense and you get frustrated and take it out on the people around you. Or was that just me? I really don't think I'm alone on this one. I think sometime soon I'm going to have a little sit down with him and have 'the talk'. I know my dad already talked to him about some stuff, but he's my kid and I feel like I should too. I have to let him know that he can talk to me about anything. That's the goal, will he really open up all the way and be totally honest? Probably not. He'll be awkward, and maybe have some questions, but I highly doubt he'll ever come to me with those types of questions.

I pick up the digital camera off the picnic table and start taking pictures. This isn't my sort of thing, but I feel like I should because nobody else is. I don't like taking posed shots. Nope, I'm all about the candid. I get a few shots of Mattie playing football with his friends, and I'm starting to rethink the whole not-letting-him-join-the-school's-team thing. He is really good, and I know he's holding back a lot. I guess if he proves that he can use self-control and not hurt anybody, I really don't see the problem. It would be good training for him. If it's one thing I've learned from Giles is that: 'being a slayer is about far more then brute force, and simply winning your opponent. It's about concentration and learning self-control so you will be able to judge what would be the best next move instead of diving right into a fight and increasing your chance of losing'. Wow, Giles' voice is so boring I almost fell asleep just thinking about it. Thank God the party is over now. All this noise was starting to drive me a little crazy.

BPOV

My little boy is another year older. It seems like only yesterday I was waking up at two in the morning to change his poopy diapers and breastfeeding him for twenty minutes before he'd finally fall back asleep. Whenever my mom would talk about what it was like raising me and Dawn she always said that it seemed like we grew up in the blink of an eye. It didn't seem like that to us because we were still growing up and that seems to take forever when you're the one doing the growing. But it does seem that way. One minute I was six months pregnant, and giddy at the thought of having a baby. Then I blinked and the next thing I know I'm on my back and screaming, and sweating and I have a doctor between my legs telling me to push. I blink again and Matthew is seven months old and swallowing a penny that was unknowingly dropped on the floor.

I blink again and Matthew is five years old and starting his first day of kindergarten. I remember having a little meltdown at the mall because I just left my little boy in the hands of somebody else. I remember feeling unneeded because he was fine. He didn't show any type of separation anxiety, and he couldn't wait to go back the next day and play with all of his new friends. I blink again and Matthew is nine years old and beating the hell out of that little bully David for hitting his little sister. I still can't believe he did that, but I can't say I blame him. When I was that age I was way protective of Dawn, when I wasn't putting her Barbies somewhere in sight but out of her reach. Ok, so I was kind of a mean big sister, so what? It's not like Dawn never did anything like that to me.

Anyway, Matthew's tenth birthday party ended hours ago. We've already cleaned everything up, helped him open all of his new stuff, put most of it away, and we went out to dinner. We figured this was a good enough reason to go through the hassle of eating out. Matthew and Addison are always really good when we eat out because they know when we say 'be good or you'll be sitting in the car all by yourself' we mean it. But Joseph is only five months old and five month olds aren't known for being able to sit still for every long. Luckily we got Emma to babysit for us. We went to Lee's Chinese Palace since that's the one place we all really like. We had a really good time. Faith sort of taught Addison how to talk with a Boston accent, and that was hilarious to hear. The kids had root beer because it doesn't have any caffeine and me and Faith had one glass of wine each. We don't drink often but sometimes we have a glass of wine with dinner.

But we're home now. The kids have already been put to bed, Joseph is already asleep. Poor little boy is all tuckered out from everything that happened today. He was around a lot more people and activity then he usually is and I think he just got a little over stimulated. But I'm sure he'll still wake us up at five-thirty in the morning crying for his breakfast. After ten years of being a mom I could really go for a nice long vacation. I'll go to a deserted beech, and lay out in the sun wearing nothing, and a waitress will bring me margarita after margarita until I get tired of those and move on to something else. Then I'll have my personal chef make me something really nice for lunch. Something that in no way resembles microwaveable pizza rolls or hot dogs, or corn dogs, or any of the food that we feed the kids. It'll be nice and quiet. Just me, a bartender, a waitress and a chef. I know it'll never happen, but I can dream can't I?

It's really quiet right now, which is nice. The only sound I can hear is the shower. Faith always gets hers at night, and I get mine in the morning. Sometimes she'll take one in the morning but only if she really needs to. I'm sitting on the couch in my yummy sushi pajamas, wrapped up in a blanket and just listening to the quiet. I know it sounds insane, but I just spent almost the entire day listening to ten-year-old children playing, this quiet is very much needed if I'm going to stay sane. Don't get me wrong, I love throwing my kids birthday parties. Celebrating birthdays is just something I've always done, but it's so noisy when they're still young that sometimes I wish they'd hurry up and be seventeen when the birthday celebration will be inviting some of their friends over for dinner, and cake and ice cream and the opening of the presents. Things won't be as loud then. I look over towards the hallway when I hear a little creak on the floor. Matthew is walking down it and towards me.

"Hey, sweetie, can't get to sleep?" I ask and he shakes his head no. I hold up the blanket a little bit and give him a little smile. "Come sit with me." He sits on my lap and we both shift around a little until we find a comfortable position. I wrap the blanket around both of us and he leans against me. I rest my chin on the top of his head and I wrap my arms around him and slowly rub his back. He's been acting so grown up lately that it's easy to forget that he's only ten years old. I know that he's starting to grow up, and soon he's going to develop an interest in girls, and dating and all of that, but the key words in that sentence are 'starting to', and 'soon'.

He still isn't there yet, and I think it's a little unfair that we expect him to be a lot more mature then he is. Take the him overreacting on Dawn for example. He was upset, and he lost control of his emotions. I don't think he would have been so mad, and held onto the anger for as long if we sat him down right away and let him talk about how he was feeling. We just expected him to apologize and get over the anger right away. We were trying to force him to pretend that everything was ok, when really everything wasn't, and he wasn't willing to go along with that delusion. He got angry about it, and at everyone who was pretending that what Dawn did was ok, and all of that is totally understandable. And eventually he did apologize and he did get over the anger. I don't know what Faith said to him, but it worked.

"Have I ever told you how proud I am of you?" I ask and he slowly shakes his head no. I smile a little and give him a kiss on the top of his head and then rest my chin on it again. "Well, I am. You're growing up so fast, and sometimes I think you're growing too fast. And don't roll your eyes at me." He gets that from Faith, and trust me it's annoying. "Every mother wants her son to be her little baby forever." I really didn't mean for this to turn into a heart-to-heart but that's where it's going. "And one day you're going to meet a girl and the first time you lay eyes on her you're going to know that she's special." And yes I'm talking about the first time I saw Faith. "She might be a little…different from you and all of your friends, or every other person you've ever met, but that won't matter." I give him another little kiss on the top of his head and I keep talking. I wonder how confused he is right now. Probably a lot.

"You'll definitely talk to her because you'll feel like if you don't at least try to get her attention then it'll be the biggest mistake you've ever made. So you'll talk, and you'll become friends after a while." Obviously I'm not really talking about my experience with Faith, but whatever. "But then both of you will develop deeper feelings for each other, and one of you will do the asking, and you'll start dating. Things will be casual at first. You'll bring her home for dinner so we can meet her, and you might sit out on the back porch and start kissing." He tenses up a little bit and I smile. He's still at that age where kissing a girl is the most disgusting thing in the whole world. "But then things will start to get serious, and before you know it you'll be head over heels in love. The world will stop spinning, time will stand still, and it'll seem like the stars are lining up just so you can be happy." For some reason I feel like I'm channeling Willow.

"Then you'll ask her to marry you, and she'll say yes, and both of you will be so happy. You'll throw a big dinner party at your apartment and have everyone over to announce it, and everyone will be really happy for you. And then you'll get married and move into a house together." Ok so things might not go exactly like this, but they could. "And you'll be so busy being newly weds that you won't really think about dear old mom. Then you two will start your own family, and the only time you'll ever really come and visit me is to have me babysit so you can go into town and get some shopping done, or just spend some quiet time with your wife." I smile a little bit and give him a little squeeze. "Do you know what I'm trying to tell you?" I'm not even too sure what I'm trying to tell him. He's quiet for about a minute as he thinks it over. Then he sighs, takes in a deep breath and says.

"Don't fall in love and get married because then I won't want to spend any time with you?" he asks and I laugh a little bit. God this kid cracks me up. He takes after Faith. She can always make me laugh when she really wants to. I give him another little kiss on top of his head, and then I feel him lean into me a little more. Ok, it's getting a little hard to breathe over here. "But I thought falling in love and getting married was a good thing? How come you don't want me to do it?" Alright so maybe this little talk wasn't such a good idea after all. I sigh a little and keep rubbing his back. Maybe if I do this enough he'll fall asleep in my arms. It's been a long time since he's done that.

"It is a good thing, sweetheart, and I do want you to fall in love, and get married, and be happy. I guess I'm just feeling a little old. I mean, you're ten years old today, which means that I'm thirty-four years old. You probably don't understand right now, but someday you will. When I was younger I used to go out every night, and slay, and then go dancing with Willow and Xander. I had a boyfriend who I was crazy about at the time. I used to appreciate everyday because I never knew if it was going to be my last or not. See, when I was a teenager I was the only slayer. There weren't thousands more who could do the job for me. Aunt Willow, and uncle Xander and grandpa Giles helped, but when it came down to it, I'd be the one dieing to save the world, and not them. Back then a slayer didn't live passed her early twenties. Now I'm in my mid-thirties and I have three kids and I don't go out anymore, and I just feel old." I sigh a little more and he nuzzles me a little bit. I guess he's starting to get tired.

"But you're not old. Whenever we go to the store and I go somewhere else for a little bit and come back I always see some guy talking to you, and he always tries to get your phone number. Old people don't have guys asking for their phone number." He's right that does happen a lot more then I would like it to. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I just have stuff that I need to get done and the last thing I want to do is turn down an attractive guy who thinks I'm attractive enough to ask out on a date. I pull him away from me a little bit so I can look at his face. I smile and give him a give kiss on the cheek and rest my forehead against his.

"God bless you," I tell him and smile again. I sit up a little straighter and he rests his head against my chest again. It feels good just sitting here with him in my arms, and the rest of the house is quiet, and I don't have to worry about what needs to be done, or when Faith is going to get off her lazy ass and help me out. Normally I would feel bad about saying that but it's true, she's gotten a little lazy. It never used to have to practically pull her teeth to get her to help me out with the household chores, but for whatever reason she doesn't want to help and she's not shy about telling me how much she hates it. I think she does that on purpose though, because sometimes I get so irritated that I freak out a little and tell her to just go sit back down and I'll do it myself. But I forget about all of that and just sit here and enjoy this.

"Hey," Faith whispers and walks into the room. She's in her pajamas now and her hair is still a little wet from the shower. I smile at her and she looks down at Matthew. He fell asleep a couple minutes ago. "Couldn't get to sleep, huh?" I shake my head no a couple times and rub his back a little. Faith sits down next to me, and she situates herself so she's turned towards me a little. She holds her arms out to me and I carefully move me and Matthew so that I'm in her arms leaning against her, and Matthew is in my arms leaning against me. I've always loved this sandwiched feeling. Having Faith hold me while I hold our son. Never once has it made me feel claustrophobic or uncomfortable. And right now at this very moment while I'm sandwiched in between my wife and oldest child, life is absolutely perfect.

FPOV

"So Mattie, what does it feel like being ten?" I ask and sit down at the table. For whatever reason Buffy got up earlier then she usually does and made a huge breakfast. She usually doesn't do this but trust me I can get used to it. Mattie doesn't say anything, he just shrugs his shoulder. He's not being rude or anything, he's just trying to chew up the huge bite of waffle he just took. "You can take smaller bites, ya know. It's not going anywhere. And be careful, if you mom sees you doin that she'll have a fit." I set a great example by downing half a pancake in two bites, and drink an entire glass of milk while my mouth is stuffed with food. I look around the kitchen and I don't see Buffy anywhere. Or Addy, or Joey. What the fuck? I see a piece of notebook paper stuck to the fridge by a magnet, and get up and take it off. I unfold it and read out load what Buffy wrote.

"'If either of you have eaten any of this breakfast you now owe me. Addison and Joseph have dentist appointments and I have a doctor's appointment, and I'm going to stop by Dawn's for a bit and help her with the twins so I'll be gone for most of the day. The clean dishes need to be put away and the dirty ones put in the dishwasher. The entire house needs to be vacuumed, dusted, and the kitchen and bathroom floors needs to be mopped. The laundry needs to be done, and the trash needs to be taken out. I'll pick up dinner on my way home. Love your one and only, B.'" I can't believe she did this. And it's not like we can just ignore this and eat the breakfast and say we never saw the note, 'cause she'll know we're lying and she'll get pissed. I don't just mean a little angry. I mean the kind of pissed that has me sleepin on the couch for three nights and not getting any for at least a month.

I know exactly why she's doing this too. She's mad because I've been slackin off lately and not helping out around the house. She ends up doing all of the chores herself while I sit on my ass and watch TV. Sometimes she can nag me into doing something but most of the time I get out of it. But I guess she's tired of playing Cinderella and wants to get out for a day without doing any chores. I don't blame her. I hate doing housework almost as much as I hate white chocolate. But when I imagine what'll happen if we don't have all this shit done I don't see anything good. So we might as well suck it up and get this stuff done. It shouldn't take too long. And when it's all over I get to sit on my ass and watch TV, maybe even have a couple beers.

"Ok, so you do the dishes, the dusting and take out the trash. We'll both do the laundry and I'll do the rest." He nods his head a little bit and takes another bite of his breakfast. We eat in near silence. The only sounds that can be heard is the scraping of the forks on the plates, and us chewing. It is a little strange that we're not talking to each other. Breakfast is usually pretty loud because all of us are more busy talking and making each other laugh then actually eating. But I'm really fuckin tired and I can't for the life of me think of anything to say that would start a conversation. Joey was up most of the night crying because he's teething again and two more teeth are growing in. He had a little bit of a fever, which is normal, and he's going to be ok. I just wish he wasn't in pain, not only 'cause he's my baby and I don't want him to suffer, but because over the years I've gotten used to sleeping and I enjoy it very much.

"Mama?" he asks and I look up from my plate. He looks serious and a little nervous. He's going to ask for something, I know it. I say 'what?' and Mattie takes a deep breath and he puts his fork down. "I'm going to be going back to school next month." This is about the sports thing, I know it. I really don't think I'm going to be able to say no to him again. He wants to join a sports team more then anything, and it's not like it's a bad thing. There's just the possibility of him hurting someone really bad. "And I was wondering if you thought about me playing soccer, and then basketball, and then baseball? 'Cause Lucas said we have to sign up right away so we can order our uniforms." He sounds so...desperate. He really wants to play. Ok, so lets look at the facts. Those three sports are minimum contact. At least when it's fifth graders playing. Soccer might not be a good idea, but I really don't see a problem with the others.

"Look, Mattie, I know you want to play sports really bad. You want to have fun with your friends and all that, but I gotta be honest, I don't think soccer is a good idea. I know you'd never hurt anyone on purpose, but accidents happen, and I think it's too risky you playing a game where you kick a ball really hard. You might accidently kick it too hard and the goalie could get seriously hurt." He looks so hopeful because I haven't said anything bad about the other two. Since I don't want to completely shut him down I'm going to do the one thing that parents do that not only frustrates the kid, but makes the other parent mad. I'm gonna leave it up to Buffy. Well, not completely. "When your mom gets home we'll talk about basketball and baseball. As long as you're really careful, and you use a lot of self control I don't see a problem with you playing. And you know how much your mom worries, so she might say no at first, but I'll try to compromise with her." And by compromise I mean giving her a large amount of head.

"Ok, thanks." I give him a little smile and I can tell he's in a better mood. We finish with breakfast and we start doing our chores. I'm so bored I think I'm about to drop dead. I hate vacuuming. It was totally invented by Satan. There's no other explanation. It doesn't take long for Mattie to finish all of his stuff. I did give him all the easy shit. So he starts doing the laundry. Buffy taught him how to do it on his own, and I know why he's doing it now. He isn't trying to help out. Any other day and he'd be outside playing 'cause he finished everything I told him to do. Nope, he's sucking up. He's trying to butter me up so I'll let him play basketball and baseball for his school. At first I'm a little annoyed. I don't want my kid thinking he has to do things around the house for me to get me to argue his side of something for him. But now that I've been thinking about it for a few minutes this could really work in my favor. I've already mopped and done all the other shit. I saved vacuuming for last 'cause I didn't think it would be so bad. But now that I'm finally done with it all I wanna do is sit down, and relax.

Mattie's relaxing on the couch too. He's watching some dumb kid movie. Now normally if I wanna watch TV I have to wait until whatever the kids are watching is over and then I can turn it. The little theory I got goin is Mattie will pretty much kiss my feet if I ask him to, so I should be able to turn the TV to something way better then this shit and not get any lip about it. I walk in and sit down on the couch in my spot. Everybody in this house knows that the middle cushion is mine. The only reason I'm so aggressive about this spot is because Buffy won't let me get a recliner. That's right, she won't let me. Apparently she put too much hard work into decorating this room and she doesn't want some big, bulky, ugly chair taking up a lot of space. And that is such bullshit, but the chair I want isn't ugly. It's practically a thing of beauty. Black leather, a built in massager, and heat or cooling control. Come on! I so have to have that. And I will get it, I just have to go about doing it the right way.

"Hey, hand me the remote." And just like that he gives it up. He didn't even argue with me about it. Fuck, this is sweet. I put my feet up on the coffee table and wiggle my toes a little bit. Damn I need to repaint my nails, they're getting pretty chipped. Oh well, I'll worry about that later. "Would you get me a beer?" At least I asked. I may be treating him like a servant, but I have manners. He hesitates for a couple seconds but then he gets up and goes into the kitchen. Man this is fuckin awesome. I should totally do this shit more often. Maybe if I ask nice enough he'll repaint my toes for me. Then again I think I'll worry a little bit if he's any good at it. 'Cause that'll mean he's done it before. Yeah, I think I'll wait until B gets home and tonight I'll ask her to do it, because she likes doing shit like that for me. She'll paint my toenails, brush or comb my hair and shave my cunt, but she won't let me get a chair. She's seriously fucked up in the head. I look over when I see Mattie walk back in the room and he's carrying two bottles of beer. Huh, this should be interesting.

"Thanks," I say when he hands me one. He puts the other one on the coffee table and then sits back down on the couch. I eye him for a couple seconds and twist off the cap and toss it onto the coffee table next to the other bottle. I take a little sip and give him a sidelong glace, and he's just sitting there watching TV. We're both still in our pajamas but it's a Sunday so we don't have to get dressed if we don't want to. We never go anywhere on Sundays. "You feel like throwin back a cold one or something?" He looks at me like I just asked if he wanted to smoke crack or something. He shakes his head and leans his head back against the couch.

"No. I know you're gonna want another one so I brought it out so I won't have to get up again." He knows I'm going to want another one? Ok, is he trying to tell me that I have a drinking problem because I know I don't. And don't look at me like that. I don't have a problem. So I have the occasional couple of beers, that doesn't mean there's a problem. When I do drink it's not like I get drunk, I just have a couple to calm my nerves. You try living in a house with an insane woman, and three kids and see how quickly your nerves get fried. Besides my doctor told me that having the occasional couple will reduce my stress rate, relax my muscles and help me sleep a little better. You really going to argue with what a doctor said, huh? But still, this is going to bug the shit outta me if I don't ask.

"Mattie, do you think I drink too much?" Again with that look. So maybe he doesn't think I have a problem. Maybe he was just being nice and got me another one so neither of us would have to get up. He tells me no and starts watching TV again. See, I was right he doesn't think I drink too much. I'm not even going to bother asking Buffy 'cause she thinks that even one is too many. Like I said, I'm doing this for my health. So enough about all that shit. I don't want to think about it anymore. I start watching TV again and just relax. I notice that every time I take a drink Mattie glances at me through the corner of his eye. And I know exactly what he wants. He wants to know what it tastes like. Well parents are supposed to offer their children a wide range of experiences, and how else is going to learn if he doesn't experience anything?

"Wanna sip?" He looks at me for a few seconds and he's really tense. But he nods his head yeah. "Alright, but just a little sip. And if you tell your mother we're both dead. Here." I hand him the bottle and he's still really tense, but he looks a little excited. He licks his lips and flexes his fingers over the cool glass. Then he brings the bottle up to his lips real slow and takes a little sip. And the bottle is ripped from his mouth lightening fast and he starts coughing, and gagging, and all the liquid is spit out, and his face is turning really red. "Yeah, that's what I thought. You know better then that shit." I take the bottle from him and take another drink. "And I better not catch you stealin this and taking it out to your friends. It's never too late to start spanking you, remember that." Me and B have never spanked our kids but there are some times when a good ass spanking is just what they need, and that would definitely qualify.

"Now get the couch cleaned up before your mother comes home. And eat some of those sour cream and onion chips so she won't smell it on your breath. Don't want her to kill me just for teaching you a lesson." That would fuckin suck. I'm just trying to teach the kid about right and wrong and she'd take it the wrong way and murder me and bury me in the backyard. Probably in her garden 'cause if I'm going to be a corpse I might as well be put to use and fertilize her flowers. He walks back into the room and he has a wet rag and the bag of chips. He's still coughing a little bit and now I feel bad for him. I'm supposed to be the parent and all that shit so I shouldn't have done that to him. But still, he was curious so if it wasn't me giving him a sip he would just wait and set some from one of his friends' dad or something. He starts to clean up the couch but he's still coughin kinda hard so I go ahead and clean it for him. He gets a glass of water and sips at it and now he's better. I still make him eat some chips 'cause that shit'll cover up the smell. Hopefully B won't get suspicious 'cause now she's home and if she finds out she'll kick my ass.

BPOV

Today has been a pretty great day so far. The kids both got clean bills of health from the dentist and I got a clean bill of health from my doctor. We didn't go straight to Dawn's like I said I would in the note I left. We did a little bit of shopping first. Matthew doesn't like to shop for clothes but my little girl is a natural at it. We bought her a bunch of new dresses and skirts, and some really nice shirts and some news shoes. I got Joey some new clothes too, but it's been so hot lately that we haven't been dressing him in anything but a onesie, and that's only when we go somewhere. At home he's just in his diaper because the air conditioner is giving us some problems and we keep forgetting to call someone about it.

After the shopping we went out to lunch and it was nice. I never get to spend time with just Addison and it was great to get to spend that time with her. Joey was asleep during lunch so I didn't have to pay any attention to him and Addison loved that the conversation was all about her. I don't think my little girl is conceded or anything, but she's a middle child, and the youngest is a five month old, and the oldest is a ten year old who wants just as much attention as she does so she doesn't really get a lot of one on one time with me or Faith. And it was very interesting talking to her. Apparently her favorite color isn't yellow anymore, it's light green, and she doesn't like pickles or onions on her cheeseburgers. She never used to care, but for whatever reason she doesn't like those anymore. I learned a lot of stuff and I didn't think I would. I thought I knew my baby girl better then that, but I guess not.

So, after Addison made me feel like a bad mom we headed over to Dawn's and that's where we are right now. My little sister could really use a break, and some alone time but unfortunately that can't happen today. Normally when I come over here to help her out I watch the kids while she goes out for an hour or two. She does a little shopping, or goes out to eat, or just goes to the park and hangs out. Watching the boys by myself isn't too hard once you learn to tune out the noise at feeding time. But today Dawn can't go out because I really don't think I'd be able to watch two one-month-olds, a five-month-old and a three-year-old by myself. So we're spending some sisterly time together and just talking. Addison is watching TV, the twins are asleep, and Joseph is feeling a little drowsy from the children's Tylenol that I gave him not too long ago so he's just sitting in my lap and zoning out. There are some things I want to know and hopefully she'll be willing to answer them.

"Anyway, so this August Faith is going to be taking a business out at the community college. It'll take a while but she's going to get her business license and she wants to open up a motorcycle shop or something. If she does her dad is going to go into business with her, but I'm not too sure. She was talking about it the other day but I wasn't really paying attention." I take a little sip of my coffee and she does the same. She isn't breastfeeding the boys so it's ok for her to drink caffeine. Actually it's a good thing she's drinking caffeine or I don't think she'd be able to stand. "So, Dawn, I don't want to be intrusive or anything, but have you decided if you're going to tell Michael about the boys?" She looks down into her coffee cup and she has a guilty expression on her face.

"No, not yet. Everything is just so crazy right now. I want to wait until I'm moved into the house and everything gets settled before I call him. I'm pretty sure he's going to want to be a great father to the boys, and if he sees that I'm living in a hotel then he might try to sue for custody or something." And the thought of that is totally scary. I can't even imagine what it must be like to think that. But still something about all of this is bugging me. Dawn hasn't seen Michael since they broke up right before she went to UCLA, so how does she know that Michael will want to be a good father? I ask her that, only I word it with a little more sensitivity. She gets a small smile on her face and a dreamy look in her eyes. I can't help but feel like she still has some pretty strong feelings for Michael. She was so in love with him when they split up. And they only broke up because she was going off to school. They ended on good terms. But four years is a long time to be apart and they had both moved on. At least that's what she told me.

"When we were dating, before I applied to any colleges, we used to talk about the future and being together. We talked about moving to LA together and him opening up his own auto repair shop, and I was going to open up my own fashion agency. We planned on having two kids, a boy and a girl. Whenever he'd talk about the kids he would get so excited. He was so determined that he was going to do it right, you know? His dad walked out on them when he was little and he said he'd never do that to his kids. When he came up to visit and we were talking he didn't mention having a girlfriend, or any kids and I think he would have mentioned that. So, I don't know, I just think that if I tell him about the boys he's going to want at least joint custody, and I'm more then willing to give it to him if he moves here." She looks down again and this time she's sad. I know that the last thing she wants is a big custody battle over her children, and it's really hard to say if it's going to come to that or not.

"Dawnie, I'm sure everything is going to be ok. I don't know how Michael will react to this, but I'm sure he'd never try to take your children away from you." She doesn't look so sure, and she's got to be feeling so lost right now. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help her. I reach over the table and hold onto her hand. It's the only thing I can think of to do. She smiles a little bit, but it's a sad smile, and I know that until she actually talks to Michael and gets a reaction she isn't going to be ok. She's going to be stressed and anxious and worried all the time and it just isn't healthy for her or the boys. Babies pick up on other people's emotions really easy and if they sense that Dawn is stressed out then they're going to be stressed out. And they'll be crying all the time and it'll stress her out even more and everything will get worst. I glance over at the clock and sigh a little bit.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go. I told Faith I'd pick up some dinner on the way home. But call me if you need anything. I mean it, sweetheart, don't be afraid to call anytime." I stand up and give her a kiss on the forehead and she stands up and gives me a little hug. She hasn't been as clingy as I thought she was going to be. Taking care of a newborn is scary enough, I don't even want to imagine what it would be like to go at it alone. I know I'd probably be clinging to anyone who came over to help. Then again I'd probably be living at the slayer facility where I'd get endless amounts of help. I put Joseph in his car seat and tell Addison it's time to go. She's reluctant because she doesn't want to stop watching whatever little kid movie she was just watching but I tell her that we're going to get some dinner and she jumps right up and comes to my side. Dawn walks us to the door and I give her one more hug. "I love you." She says it back and I give her a kiss on the temple and then I leave. I'm able to make it the whole thirty second walk to the elevator before Addison starts asking questions.

"Why is aunt Dawn so sad?" she asks and holds onto my hand. She doesn't normally do this but the doors just opened and there's some people already inside. Neither of us says anything as we get on and I press the lobby button and we wait. There's a woman standing to my left and she's glancing down at Joseph and smiling a little bit. We get this a lot whenever we go out. People just love babies, and mine is definitely a cutie. I hate the people that try to touch him without my permission. That gets irritating to no end. This woman seems respectful though. She's going to ask some questions though, I just know she is. She looks over at Addison and smiles a little more and then up at me and the smile is still on her face.

"If you don't mind me saying, you have some very beautiful children." I smile and say thank you and Addison steps forward and to the side so she's standing right in front of me and closer to the woman who just gave her a compliment. "How old are they?" And there come the onslaught of questions. After this it's going to be 'well you and your husband must be proud'. Then I'm going to say 'oh, I don't have a husband I have a wife'. Then she's going to say 'I'm so sorry, I didn't mean anything by it' or whatever. And then she's going to ask about the paternity and if we artificially inseminated or if we adopted or one of the few other things people have asked us. So I might as well smile and get it over with. But before I can get a word out I'm interrupted by a little attention seeker.

"I'm three," Addison says and looks up at the lady. She's smiling and her dimples are on display for everyone to see and be dazzled by. "And Joey is...Joey is...Mommy how old is Joey?" She looks up at me and I can't help but smile. Sometimes she's too cute for her own good. I tell her five months and she nods her head a little bit. "Joey is five months. And I have a big brother too. He's at home. He just turned ten. That's this many." She holds up both of her hands with her fingers spread out and she's looking at this woman with all the seriousness a three year old can get. And this woman says the one thing I really wish people wouldn't say.

"Wow, that's impressive. Your mommy and daddy must be very proud of you knowing your numbers." Addison's face turns into a very 'what the hell?' kind of look and I'm trying really hard not to smile. For a second I want to speak up and say something, but I think I'll let Addison deal with this one all on her own. Ok so not all on her own, I'm going to say something, but I'll let Addison break the news to this woman. I notice that the look on Addison's face has changed. She looks...offended is the only word I can think of to describe it.

"I don't have a daddy," and she sounds just as pissed off. Oh man I really wish I had a video camera so I can capture this and watch it over and over again. "I have a mommy and a mama." She turns around and walks back to my right side and holds onto my hand. Her grips is pretty tight and it hurts a little bit. Damn this kid is pissed. The woman looks up at me and she has a 'what the hell?' look on her face and I just smile a little bit. And here comes the me explaining things. I hate this part of the conversation. I should get a tattoo on my forehead that says 'married to another woman'. That would get rid of this explanation all together.

"It's true. I don't have a husband, I have a wife." I stop talking and we get thrown into an awkward silence. Luckily we're on an elevator and the door just opened on my floor. I smile one more time at the woman and get step out into the lobby and shake my head a little bit. Addison's never gotten so defensive about me and Faith before. I'll have to have a little talk with her about this later. I buckle Addison up in her car seat and strap Joseph's into place and we leave the hotel. The thought of my sister living in a hotel is still weird to me and I don't think I'm going to get used to it. I'll just be glad when she's settled into her new house and everything starts to find a normalcy. Luckily she left her agency on good terms and she almost immediately got hired at some big agency in Las Vegas. She's going to be making twice as much as she was in Redding, and she's going to have better hours. They were very willing to make her schedule flexible because of the babies. She won't be going to work for them for another couple of weeks, and then the boys are going to start going to day care.

I stop by a KFC and pick up one of the large meals. I don't really feel like standing in Lee's Chinese Palace for half an hour waiting for my food to be cooked, so fast food is just fine for tonight. Today was a good day but I'm still tired, and I can't wait to go to bed and curl up in Faith's arms and sleep. When I get home she's sitting on the couch, watching TV with Matthew. There's an empty beer bottle on the coffee table and a half empty bottle in her hand. Her drinking does bother me a little bit only because she bugs me to get the beers for her. It's not like she gets drunk, she just has one or two to help her relax. Perfectly fine with me. As long as she stays away from the hard stuff I have no problem with it. So now we're all sitting at the dinner table eating the food I picked up and Matthew is looking a little nervous. He keeps glancing over at Faith and then back at me, and then down at his plate. Ok, what is going on?

"Mom, do you think I can play on my school's basketball team?" he blurts out and then goes quiet. I've already talked to him a little about this. I think it would be too dangerous for him to play on a team like that. Faith feels bad about it because he wants to play so bad, but it's just too risky. Well, I thought the football idea was too risky. He never said anything about playing basketball before. "I know I can't play football, or soccer 'cause I'm a slayer and someone might get hurt. But in basketball we don't touch each other, and Mama said as long as I control myself it shouldn't be a problem." I give Faith a little glare and she's finding her mashed potatoes and gravy very interesting right now. I don't know what to say to him because this basketball thing was just sprung on me. So I do what almost all parents do to their kids.

"I don't know, Matthew. Let me think about it for a while ok? We'll talk about it more tomorrow." He looks disappointment but glad that I didn't tell him no. He does seem a little bummed out though. I give Faith another little glare and she knows exactly why I'm glaring at her. She took all the pressure off of herself by saying 'I don't know, you'll have to ask your mother' or something like that. She made it so the decision is all up to me and I'll be the bad guy if I don't think it's a good idea. After dinner Faith does the dishes because she knows she's in trouble and I put the kids to bed and head straight for my bedroom. I change into my pajamas and crawl under the covers and don't even wait for her. I turn out all the lights and try to go to sleep. About five minutes later she comes in and turns on her lamp and changes into her pajamas and gets under the covers and then turns out the light. She tries to spoon me but I shrug her off. "Nope, don't touch. I'm still mad at you." She sighs a little and gives me a kiss on the back of my neck.

"Be mad all you want but I still think him joining a team is a good idea. I never told him it was up to you. I told him I'd talk to you about it and see what you had to say. So please babe, don't be mad at me." I sigh a little bit and she tries to spoon me again. This time I don't stop her. So Matthew knew she was going to talk to me, but he asked me himself anyway? He never used to do that. He usually goes to Faith for everything and then she talks to me about it, or says 'I don't know, ask your mother'. But he asked me himself, even if he was a little nervous I have to give the kid some credit. I don't mean to be intimidating but sometimes I am, and he's starting to be less intimidated. I'm glad he thinks that way. It just proves how much he's growing up. That woman on the elevator was right. I am proud of my kids, and not just because they know their numbers.


	58. The Christmas Shock

**Five Months Later.** BPOV

It's Christmas Eve in the Lehane household. Everyone thinks that Thanksgiving is the day that you should appreciate everything you have to be grateful for, but Christmas is really the day that you should count your blessings, and that's kind of what I'm doing right now. I have a lot to be grateful for. The materialistic things don't really matter to us. This house, and everything that's in it is a great bonus, don't get me wrong, and I am grateful that we have these nice things, but it's not what's really important. The important stuff is the fact that I'm married to the love of my life, and we have three beautiful children together who are happy and healthy, and even though it's been a rocky path we're both happy and healthy. Thinking about all of the Christmases we've spent together always makes me smile. And I have plenty of photo albums to help me remember.

"Hey, whatcha lookin at?" Faith asks and sits down next to me on the couch. She takes my glass out of my hand and sips at my wine a little bit but doesn't give the glass back. Well we are married, we have to share everything now. Being married to Faith is kind of like being married to a three-year-old. They think that when you have something they want it's nice to share, but when it's the other way around they'll throw a fit if you try to get them to share. I probably shouldn't say that. Faith is very sweet, and loving and all of that other stuff. But would it kill her to not hog the nacho flavored chips? "I remember that." She points to the picture of Dawn and she has a big chocolate stain on the front of her shirt. "I don't think I've ever seen your sister so pissed before. Remind not to accidentally drop a piece of cake on her." I smile a little and take my glass back and sip at the red liquid before I speak.

"In her defense you do eat like a slob." She rolls her eyes and takes the glass away and takes a little sip of it. She puts her free arm across the back of the couch and I lean against her and use her shoulder as a pillow. The thing that a lot of people don't know about Nevada is how cold it gets here at night in the winters. Right now outside it's thirty degrees, and our heater isn't working very well. We have the kids in sweats and under a lot of blankets so they'll stay warm, but it's still cold in the house, and I'm starting to feel like a Popsicle. Right now I have my favorite blanket wrapped around me and now Faith is here to keep me warm. "There's the picture that Willow took." I point to the one on the bottom of the page. I smile a little bit and run my fingertips over the cool plastic covering of the album.

It's a picture of me and Faith. It was late that Christmas night and a lot of people had already gone back to their own apartments, but Willow and Kennedy stuck around. Faith and I fell asleep on the couch, me in her lap and she has her arms wrapped around me like I'll disappear if she lets go. We're both in our pajamas, we didn't get dressed that day, we never do on Christmas. I was in my white pajamas with the long sleeved button up shirt, and drawstring pants. They had little candy canes all over them. Faith was in her green, drawstring, silk pajama pants with little Santas and reindeers all over them, and a black tank top. She had her hair back in a pony tail but a few strains fell out during the day and they were outlining her face. My hair was down and it covers up a lot of my face as I use Faith's chest as a pillow.

Faith flips through the next few pages without even stopping to look. I guess she's trying to find a certain year or something. It doesn't take her long to find it. There are only a few pictures of this particular year in this album. The rest of them are in the light blue album that says 'Matthew's First Christmas' in big gold letters. The ones in here are mostly of the scoobies, and some other people. Like the significant others of the scooby members. Well, the scooby members minus Dawn. This was when Kyle started taking her up to the cabin that his parents own so that they could spend Christmas alone together. I guess that isn't going to be happening anymore. Dawn said she'd try to make it over tomorrow, but Alex was sneezing and coughing a lot two nights ago which means that Nick is going to be sneezing and coughing a lot and so Dawn might have her hands too full with two sick little boys.

"Look how happy they were," Faith says and points to a picture of Willow and Kennedy. They're both sitting on the floor by the tree. Kennedy is sitting behind Willow with her chin resting on her shoulder and her arms are wrapped around Willow and holding her close while she opens a present that I bought her. They look happy because they used to be really happy. I like to think that maybe if we had stayed somewhere else, that if we didn't go to Angel's then Kennedy never would have met Cordelia and they wouldn't have fallen for each other, and Willow and Kennedy would still be happy. But deep down I know that isn't true. They would have met eventually, and they would probably still have fallen for each other, and Willow would still have gotten hurt. But now she has Sky and the pain is finally going away for good. They're even coming over tomorrow morning for breakfast and present opening.

"I hope her and Sky work out. They're just so good together, and I don't think Willow can survive another heartbreak." It's true, I really don't think Willow will make it if she gets her heart broken again. My bad luck with relationship ended when I started dating Faith. Hopefully Sky will be the one to make Willow happy for the rest of their lives. They've gotten really close ever since the whole 'me being abducted by the Ferreus demon' thing, and I'm glad. They both still live in Ohio, but they've moved off the campus of the slayer school. They rent a small apartment together about five minutes away. Willow isn't just living there anymore because she has nowhere else to go. She's teaching full time, and when Giles retires she's going to take over for him as headmaster. Or is it headmistress? Oh well, it doesn't matter.

"I hope so too," Faith says and takes another sip of the wine. I give her a little pout and she gives it back and I smile. She doesn't even try to deny that she's whipped. She knows it and she's not embarrassed to admit it anymore. "'Cause when they have kids and ask us to babysit we'll hop the kids up on sugar and see how much she likes it." Is she ever going to let that go? When Matthew was two we had Willow babysit for us, and she thought it would be a good idea to give him a massive amount of chocolate. The sugar rush didn't quite kick in until the ride home, and after that he was like a hell spawn on crack. He destroyed a lot of the house, furniture, picture frames, some of our CDs, DVDs, the glass door of the entertainment center, and he terrorized Tucker for a couple of hours. But the things that really pissed Faith off was when Matthew took a Sharpie marker to her favorite leather jacket. She's wanted vengeance on Willow ever since that day, and she's determined to get it.

"Babe, that was eight years ago, alright, eight. That's almost a decade. Just let it go. She didn't know what she was doing." At least I'd like to believe that. I do think Willow giving Matthew all of that chocolate was revenge because when she and Kennedy went away on a little trip to the Oregon coast we forgot to go over to their house and feed their fish and they all died. Faith just sighs and takes the glass away from me again and takes another little sip. Great, now it's all gone. I wasn't done with that. At least she didn't leave me the last little bit because everybody knows that the last little bit is mostly backwash. She tightens her grip on my shoulders a little bit and I smile. I look up at her and she's smiling too. I rest my head on her shoulder again only this time I'm facing her. I leave a couple of kisses on her collarbone and she holds onto my hand. She puts the glass on the coffee table, closes the photo album and puts it on the coffee table next to the other two I have out.

"Remember what we did our first Christmas night?" she asks with a little bit of mischief in her voice. I think back all those years ago until the memory is running around in my head. I nod a little bit and I smile gets a little bigger. "You think maybe we can do that again for old time's sake?" I look up at her and she has this little gleam in her eyes and it reminds me of all the times in high school when we'd be patrolling together, and she'd suggest going to the Bronze and picking up a couple studs, and she'd have this exact look in her eyes. It's a look that says she wants fun, and mischief and maybe even some trouble, but with lots and lots of fun. I give her a little kiss on her lips but pull back before she has the chance to respond.

"I don't know. We had a different bed back then. Do you think the headboard will hold?" I ask and gently run my fingertips along the collar of her shirt. She leans down the very short distance and kisses me. It isn't much of a kiss at first. I don't think it even qualifies. Our lips are pressed against each other but there's no movement, but the sounds of our hard breathing through our noses. But now our lips are moving, and so are our bodies. I rotate so my whole body is facing her and I wrap my arms around her neck. I lean back until I'm laying down on the couch and Faith doesn't fight it at all. I lift my legs up until my thighs are around her hips, and we're gently grinding against each other. I break the kiss so I can breathe, and she rests her forehead against my shoulder.

"Sit up for a second." She gets off of me and I sit up too. I take the blanket that was wrapped around me earlier, and I drape it over her. I lean back again until I'm laying down, and I gently pull on the blanket until Faith is on top of me. The blanket is shielding our bodies from the rest of the room, and it's containing the heat that's coming off of our bodies. Like I said earlier, Faith is here to keep me warm. We kiss again, and this time our tongues come out to play one of their favorite games. She dominates the kiss right away and I sigh a little bit against her. We start to slowly grind against each other again, and I'm getting really worked up really fast. I have no idea why I'm getting this turned on this quickly, but I don't really care. I just want some release. I just want Faith. Her hand slips in between our bodies and she starts massaging my breast over my shirt. My already hard nipple gets harder and I start moaning.

"Shh. Babe, you have to be quiet," Faith whispers and I nod my head a little. She starts kissing my collarbone and I have to bite back the moans and groans that want to come out. My hands roam down her back, and I'm careful not to pull the blanket down. You never know when one of the kids is going to wake up and come out here to see why the lights are still on. I grab Faith's ass and squeeze really hard. She moans a little against my skin and starts sucking on the hot flesh. I push on her ass so she's grinding harder against me, and it causes more friction and the friction causes more pleasure. Her hands leaves my breast and works it way down. She focuses on my stomach, and I'm starting to get a little frustrated. She's gently nipping at my neck, and it's driving me crazy. With every little nip of teeth on skin I get a little shockwave that goes straight to my throbbing clit.

My hands leave her ass. One of them stays on the small of her back and the other creeps around until it's in between our grinding bodies. I slide it under her pajama bottoms, and passed the elastic of her underwear. I run my fingernails through the short pubic hair on her mound and she shivers a little. It makes me smile just a tad, and I move my fingers lower until they come into contact with the warm fluid waiting for me in the juncture between her legs. Then she's the one who has to bite back a moan when my middle finger gently brushes up against her engorged clitoris. I see something move out of the corner of my eye and I look over to see what it is. Tucker has walked into the living room and is sitting on the other side of the coffee table staring at us. I stop moving and just look at him, and he's staring right back at me. Faith notices my lack of movement and looks over to see what the problem is and she sighs.

"Babe, he's just a dog," she whispers and sucks on my earlobe. I close my eyes and moan just a little. I arch my neck a little towards her so she has better access to it. She nibbles her way from my ear to my pulse point and she starts sucking, and biting at it. I start moaning and grinding against her again. I stop though when I hear the jingling of Tucker's licenses. I open my eyes and watch him walk around the coffee table and sit in front of the couch. He's just watching us and it's bugging the hell out of me. I guess Faith knows I'm looking at him again because I feel her finger under my chin and she pulls my face to the side so I'm looking at her and before I can say anything she's kissing me. I ignore the feel of that dumb dog's eyes on me and focus on Faith's lips, and hand. Her hand is now in my pajama pants and her magical fingers are slowly working over my clit. Then all of a sudden I feel a cold, wet nose tough my arm. I pull back from the kiss and take my hand out of Faith's pants.

"Get him out of here. I can't do this with him in here." She knows that I can't have sex with the dog watching. I grunt out my displeasure when her hand leaves my pants and she gets up and grabs onto Tucker's collar and leads him out of the room. Now that the moment's been broken I don't know if I can get back into it or not. I swear one of these days I'm going to kill that dog and make it look like an accident. Ok, so I won't, but he's still a pest. He's been a pest since the day Faith brought him home. When he passes away I don't think we're going to get another dog. Having three kids is hard enough without having to worry about taking care of another living creature. I look up when I hear Faith walk back into the room. She's smiling a little bit and it makes me smile a little. She lifts up the blanket and crawls on top of me, and lets the blanket fall over our bodies so we're shielded again.

"So, where were we?" she asks, her voice is husky and just the sound of it makes my clit quiver a little more. She starts kissing me, and her hand goes straight for my pants. She starts rubbing my clit again and I moan into her mouth. She breaks the kiss and she's panting a little and so am I. I slowly massage her breast and she moans a little bit but tries to bite it back. We do have to be super quiet or one of the kids might wake up. It's hard to remember that in the heat of the moment though. She starts kissing my neck, and slowly sucks on my pulse point. She's going to leave a hickie but it'll be gone in a couple hours. I slowly work my way down her body from her breast, to her stomach, to her abdomen, and then to the waistband of her pajama bottoms. I slowly run my fingers through the short hair on her mound, but instead of teasing her clit like I did earlier I go straight for her entrance and thrust two fingers deep inside her.

"Uggh, oh God," she moans and her fingers start moving faster against my clit. I bite back a loud moan, and keep slowly pumping in and out of her. The grinding of our bodies is doing nothing but causing my fingers to go in deeper and I'm sure she's loving it. It's also causing her fingers to work harder against my clit and trust me I'm almost in heaven. Give me about five more minutes and I'll probably be there. "B, that's so fuckin good." She really does have a way with words, doesn't she? I moan in response, and add another finger. She finally moves her touching from my clit to my entrance, but she's teasing me. Her middle finger is slowly circling my dripping hole and I don't think I can take much more of it. I thrust towards her hand a little bit but it's hard because I'm pined beneath her.

"Faithy, please stop teasing," I moan out and start pumping in and out of her harder. Maybe if I give her more she'll give me some. And she does. She enters me with just her middle finger and I grunt in frustration. "More, baby please. I need more." She loves it when I beg. She nips at my neck a little bit and it makes me shiver. Out of nowhere I start making this weird whimpering noise. It sounds so strange to me, but I can't make it stop. Even when she gives me more I can't make the noise go away. She gives me two more fingers, and starts pumping into me in a slow but hard rhythm. And every time her fingertips brush against my g-spot I whimper. I need her attention there, and she knows it, but she's not giving it to me. She likes to tease because it gives her power, and Faith still does have some control issues. They're no where near as bad as they were when we first started dating, or when we first started sleeping together, but they are still there.

She gives in to my pleas and presses her fingers firmly against my g-spot. She covers my mouth with hers to help me quiet the loud moan. At first her fingers don't move, they just stay pressed against me, but then she starts to slowly but firmly rub against that little pleasure spot. I do the same to her and she bites my bottom lip to stop herself from saying whatever it is her vocal cords want to yell out. I don't focus on that little bit of pain, all I focus on are her fingers buried deep inside me and all of the pleasure coursing through my body. I can feel my orgasm building and I start thrusting against her hand the best I can, but it's kind of hard when her body is pinning me to the couch. She finally lets go of my lip, and her head limp against my shoulder. She's panting really hard, and moaning, and trying so hard to be quiet.

"Baby, I'm gonna come," she whispers into my ear. I can feel her hot breath against my skin and it's driving me a little crazy. It feels like all of my nerves are exposed and screaming out for attention. But it's the way Faith said that little statement, and the sound of her voice that drives me over the edge. Her voice was husky, and deep, and she sounded a little desperate. Almost like she was begging me to let her come. My fingers hit her g-spot very hard and I feel the outpour of her orgasm gush all over my hand. She squeaks that high pitch little girly squeak that she hates so much, and two seconds after I have to bite my lips to keep from yelling. I'm shoved over the edge and thrown into my climax and all I can do is just lie here and let the waves of pleasure take me for a ride. I don't know how long it takes me to finally calm down. It feels like hours, but it was probably only a couple of minutes.

"We should probably get cleaned up," Faith says and kisses my neck a little. I nod my head but we don't move. We just lay here, breathing hard and try to fully recover from what just happened. It's been a long time since I've come that hard and I don't think I'm going to be able to walk for another…half hour maybe longer. And either Faith's orgasm wasn't as intense or she just has a quicker recovery time, either way she slowly gets to her feet and takes the empty wine glass into the kitchen. I hear the faucet running so I know she's rinsing the glass out, and now she's putting it in the dishwasher. She used to not do that. She'd just leave the dirty dishes in the sink and wait for me to load the dishwasher, but that was a long time ago. She knows better then to do that now. I watch her when she comes back into the living room and she just looks at me. She smiles a little bit and it makes me a little self-conscious. I ask her what she's smiling at and she just rolls her eyes.

"Nothing, you just look cute all wrapped up in that blanket. Want me to carry you?" And Dawn said I'd never be able to tame her. I nod my head a little bit and she picks me up off the couch and carries me bridal style into the bedroom. She leaves though, but just to turn out all the lights that were left on in the other rooms. I shiver a little bit 'cause it's fucking cold in here. When Faith walks into the room and shuts the door I ask her to check on Joseph. She walks over to the crib and stands there looking at him for a few minutes. I would ask if there was anything wrong but I know there's not. She does this sometimes. I used to think it was kind of creepy when I'd wake up in the middle of the night and see my mom watching me sleep from my bedroom doorway, but now I know why she did it, and I don't think it's creepy.

See when your kids are awake everything is crazy 'cause little kids want a lot of attention and you're trying to do everything at once. You try to clean up the house and do the laundry and play a game with them, or look at the picture they drew, or fix them lunch or whatever, and they're being loud 'cause that's just what little kids do. But all you really want to do is sit down and have some peace and quiet. They're like little devils when they're awake, but when they're sleeping they look like little angels because they're finally staying in one place for longer then three minutes, and they're quiet. I'm pulled back to reality when I feel something jump up on the bed. I look down towards my feet and roll my eyes when I see Tucker on his stomach and slowly crawling his way up the bed.

"What time are Red and Sky getting here?" Faith asks and crawls under the covers. She lays on her side so she's facing me and Tucker rests his head on her thigh. I tell her around nine and she smiles a little bit. "You do know the kids aren't gonna be able to wait that long, right?" I smile and nod my head a little. "We should let them open up one present to hold 'em off until after breakfast. "Dad should be here 'round seven so we should let them open something he got 'em." I nod my head a little but I'm not really paying attention to what she's saying. I'm too tired. "I can't wait 'til Joey's two, 'cause that's when they get really excited about it. All three of 'em will be sneaking in here to wake us up so they can open presents. Sometimes I can't believe this is real, ya know?" I can't believe Faith is actually talking after sex. I slowly close my eyes and listen to the sound of her husky, tired voice as I drift off to sleep.

FPOV

I woke up a couple minutes ago, but I haven't moved yet. I'm not pretending to be asleep, I have my eyes open, but I don't want to move because if I do I might wake Buffy up. She's on of the lightest sleepers ever. The reason I don't wanna move is because she's in my arms right now. We fall asleep in each other's arms a lot, but we move around a lot when we sleep so it's pretty rare that we wake up spooning or holding each other. But right now is different. Her head's on my shoulder, one arm is over my stomach, and the other is under the pillow. She's snoring a little bit, but it doesn't bug me. I've always thought it's kinda cute. She swears on her life that she doesn't snore, but it's not like she can hear herself do it. I give her a little kiss on her hairline and her eyebrows scrunch up and she looks so adorable right now.

I look over at the door when I hear it creak open. It doesn't open all the way, just enough for Mattie to stick his head through. I hold my index finger up to my lips and he nods his head. He whispers something to Addy, probably telling her to stay quiet. They tip-toe their way over to my side of the bed and they carefully climb up. I smile a little bit and gently run my hand up and down Buffy's side. She wiggles around a little bit but she doesn't wake up. She's a light sleeper but not that light. So I kiss her forehead a couple of times. Her eyebrows wrinkle up again and she looks just as adorable as before. I kiss her temple, then right next to her eye, and I slowly kiss my way down to her cheek. She wiggles around and lets out a grunt and I can't help but laugh a little bit.

"Baby," I whisper and give her a little kiss on the lips. "Babe, the kids are up." She whines a little and rolls over so her back is facing me. She's not getting away that easy. Christmas is probably a bigger deal for me then it is for the kids. They don't know what it's like to have an alcoholic for a mother who's too busy drowning in self-pity to care about anything around her. And if I get my way they never will. I always spilt them on Christmas because after my dad went to prison I didn't have happy holidays, and Christmas was the worst. Anyway, I scoot closer to Buffy and I hear Addy start giggling for whatever reason. I wrap my arms around my beautiful wife and start kissing her neck. "Buffy, it's Christmas. Now wake up." I shake her shoulder a little and it does the trick.

"Alright, I'm up. Stop shaking me I'm getting nauseous." The kids start laughing a little and she rolls over and gives them a look. "You won't think it's funny when I throw u all over the bed." They stop laughing and she smiles. "That's what I thought." She yawns really wide and holds onto one of my hands. "Why don't you guys let Tucker outside, and me and Mama will get up, and you two can open one present each?" They practically leap off the bed and run for the bedroom door. They call Tucker's name as they run like hell beasts down the hall. The old guy lazily gets down from the bed and trots after them. Buffy yawns really wide and I can't help but smile a little bit. I don't know why but this morning she just looks so damn cute. "It's only five-thirty." She lets go of my hand, pulls her pillow out form under her, rolls onto her back, and covers her face with her pillow. "The sun won't be up for another half hour." I laugh a little and snuggle up to her. She doesn't get as excited about Christmas as I do, which surprises a lot of people.

"I know baby," I tell her and she grumbles a little bit. I can't help but laugh out loud at that. I give her a little kiss on the arm and I hear her sigh. "But we better get in there before they tear through all the presents." She pulls the pillow away from her face and gives me an irritated look. "Hey, you're the one who said they could open one." I rip the covers off of her and she instantly starts shivering. "Come on, I'll make some coffee." I get up and ignore her bitching and go into the kitchen. Mattie and Addy are in the living room and they're fighting. Addy wants to open her present now and Mattie is telling her to wait. "Addy, you wanna come help me make some coffee?" I yell and she runs into the kitchen and she looks all excited. I pick her up and wrap my arm around her waist and her butt is pressed against my abdomen. Damn this kid has a boney ass. Takes after her mother on that one. My butt isn't very big but it's more then just skin and bone.

"First you put the filter liner in here." I put one of the paper liners in front of her and pull the filter out of the machine and put it on the counter. She puts the liner in, and waits for more instructions. People forget kids want to learn and if you take the time to show them how to do stuff they're more then happy to help. That and lots of positive reinforcement. I'm trying to work it just right so that when Addy is a little older her and Mattie can do all the chores and all me and B will have to do is cook the meals. "Now put in two scoops." I pull the coffee can over and take the lid off. She finishes doing that and puts the lid on the can. "Good job. Now put this back in the slot here." I help her put the filter back, then help her fill the pot with water and pour it in the slots at the top of the coffeemaker. I put the pot back on the burner and put her down. "Good job, toots. Now go get Mommy out of bed. Sing her the Tigger song." She literally squeals with joy and books it out of the room.

I take out two mugs from the cupboard and set them down on the counter. I chuckle a little when I hear Addy singing that damn song at the top of her lungs. B yells at her to stop and I wince 'cause I know what's coming next. Joey starts crying 'cause the girls woke him up. He normally doesn't wake up until six thirty, sometimes it's closer to seven. I sigh and start making a bottle. He probably won't stop crying though 'cause he hates being woken up too soon. He has a schedule that he likes to keep. He's way more difficult then his brother and sister were at his age. Mattie was a blessing, 'cause he was so easy going. He never fought sleep, and he didn't cry a lot. The only time he ever really cried was when he was hungry, and even then it wasn't real loud. Addy was a little fussier but I think that's 'cause she's a girl.

"Thank God, you already made one," B says and takes the bottle from me. I just got done makin sure it wasn't too hot, but she's testing it too. When she feels that the formula is just right she holds the nipple up to Joey's mouth but he doesn't clamp down. "Come on, baby boy. I know you're hungry." She's using her baby-talk voice and it's a little irritating. He's a baby but he's a person too, ya know. Besides he isn't hungry, he's pissed off. "I know, sweetheart, I'm sorry I woke you up. I didn't mean to." I smile a little bit and walk over to them. He's screaming his fuckin head off. His face is bright red and he has tears rolling out the corners of his eyes. I take him from Buffy and hold him up to my shoulder like I used to do whenever I'd burp him. His hot little cheek is rubbing against mine, and he's crying right in my ear, but it doesn't bother me.

"I know, Moose, you're really, really mad." I know I got a little irritated when B talked baby-talk to him but I can't help it. It just happens. "Tell me all about it." I rub his back and he just keeps on crying. That's the plan. Sometimes a baby just needs to cry. And I get pissed off when people wake me up before I have to be awake, so I understand what he's going through. Buffy puts the bottle on the counter and goes into the living room with the kids. I guess she's gonna let them open a present now. I know she's only going to let them pick something small that we bought 'em. We always save the presents from other people for later, that's just one of our rules. I hear Tucker whining and scratching at the back door so I let him in. He's wagging his tail and lookin up at Joey. Tucker's always loved being around babies, but I gotta tell ya it's a mystery why. Babies are great, but they can be very abusive to animals 'cause they don't know any better. And Tucker is a Golden Retriever which means he's got a lot of hair for a baby to pull.

"Mama look what Santa got me!" Addy yells as she runs into the room. Me and B buy a few gifts for the kids and label them 'from Santa'. I think Addy is really going to love the other present that 'Santa' got her, but that won't get here until a little later. "It's new clothes for my Barbie." She holds up the box and I glance at it and tell her it's cool even though I probably couldn't care less. What? They're just clothes. She puts the cherry sucker back in her mouth and leaves the room. I take it they got into their stockings too. Christmas is the only day of the year that they get candy before breakfast. And even then they only get a little bit. Joey stops crying and finally calms down, and he rests his head on my shoulder. I gently rub his back and grab the bottle and walk into the living room. Addy's sitting with her back pressed against the entertainment center. She has her Barbie out and is already playing dress up with the new clothes.

"Mattie what did Santa get you?" I ask and sit down on the couch next to B. He doesn't believe in Santa anymore, hasn't since he was eight, but he's willing to pretend because of Addy. He holds up the video game and says the name out loud and I tense up a little bit. "No frickin way." Buffy really got him that game? She didn't tell me she was getting it. I plop Joey into B's lap and sit down next to Mattie on the floor. I take the game from him and read the description on the back. Yep, this really is it. I still can't believe she bought this. "Come on, whatta waiting for?" I jump up and we book it for his bedroom. I take off the plastic wrap and turn on the playstation and put the game in. I pick up the controllers and toss one to him, turn on the TV, and sit down next to h im on the bed. Buffy got him what I would consider a must have. Combat Warriors V.

"I am so gonna kick your butt. Just lettin you know," I tell him as we select our characters. After we do that I pick the environment to fight in and we wait for it to load. Damn this is taking forever. "Better break me off a switch, boy, 'cause there's about to be a whoopin." On the count of three we start fighting. It's mostly just button mashing 'cause neither of us have played this before so we don't' know all of the controls. I figure out that the square button makes the guy punch and I deliver three solid hits to Mattie's guy's face. His health goes down a lot and I chuckle a little bit. "Looks like you're low on life. Ya might wanna start making funeral arrangements." I try to punch again, but he presses something that makes his guy jump in the air, spin in circle, and kick mine right in the face. My guy goes flying to the other side of the screen and half of his face is drained.

"You were saying?" Mattie says and he's trying not to laugh. What a little smart ass. I'm actually surprised he said that. See Mattie doesn't smack talk when doing anything competitive, never has. It doesn't matter if he's play a sport, a video game, or sparring he just doesn't partake in the playful banter like me and B. He's too busy focusing on his next move to try and come up with a witty comeback. But when he does they're usually pretty funny. It doesn't take us long to figure out what all the buttons do, and now we're trying different button combos. I have Mattie pretty much beat. He only has about half an inch of life left and a couple more kicks should take him down. I know this probably isn't too good for his ego but he needs to learn that you can't win at everything. When it comes to video games I'm just too good. At least in theory.

He does some weird combo, I have no idea what, but it makes his guy jump in the air and howl out a blood curdling scream. The environment changes from the jungle scene we were just in, to a dark red background, and we're standing on a black platform. Blue lightening bolts strike him from the sky and all of that electric energy sparks from his chest out to his right fist. The character is still screaming and this is possibly one of the most badass things I've ever seen in a video game before, and I have played a lot of video games. The character's hand gets bigger, and bigger until it's about ten times it's normal size. It's glowing, and pulsating with the blue electricity of death. I try to make my guy run away but I can't. Mattie's guy punches mine right in the chest and it kills me on the spot.

"And that's what you get for talkin shit," Mattie says and turns the game off. I tell him to watch his mouth but I only half mean it. I cussed like a sailor when I was his age. Never in front of my mom or dad 'cause spankings from your parents are just no fun. Anyway, we got back into the living room just in time to see the drama unfold. Addy's still playin with her Barbie and minding her own business for once. I don't know where B is but she's not in here 'cause Joey's on the floor all by himself. He crawls over to Addy and grabs her doll by the hair and snatches it out of her hand. She grabs onto the ankles and yells at Joey to let go while she tries to pull it away from him. But he's a slayer too so instead of ripping it from his hand like she would have with another other ten-month-old, the head of this doll gets decapitated from its body, and I have to bite my lips and prey to God that I don't start laughing.

"No!" Addy screams out and starts crying, which makes it so much harder not to laugh. It is kind of sad though. I mean, it's just a stupid doll and she'll get over it, but that was her last one. All the others have been destroyed one way or another. She gets up off the floor and spots me. Crap, now the drama is really going to be high. She runs over to me and lifts her arms up. I reach down and pick her up, and prop her on my hip. She calms down enough to talk and holds up the headless body of her beloved doll. "Look what stupid little brother did." She hiccups a little bit and starts sobbing like the doll was a real person and was just brutally murdered. Well, I guess in the mind of a four-year-old it just was. I wipe away her tears but they just keep coming. Man this kid can cry when she really wants to.

"Addy, please stop crying baby. I'm sure someone bought you a new doll for Christmas." That only calms her down a little bit. The sobs are almost non-existent but the tears are still falling freely. I'm going to go ahead and say it, well only to you 'cause I don't want to get my ass kicked. But being a drama queen is a genetic thing in the Summers bloodline. Come on, you totally have to agree with me on this. Both B and Dawnie can be major drama queens. I sit Addy down on the couch and take the doll head away from Joey, and he starts crying. I roll my eyes and grab a toy out of the little toy box in the corner of the room and hand it to him and the crying instantly stops. I have Addy put all of the Barbie clothes back in the box and I throw the doll away. I don't know why they make 'em different 'cause when I was a kid the heads just popped back on.

"Jeez, what's all the crying about?" B asks when she walks into the room. She must've been in the bathroom. Only reason she would've left Joey alone for so long. I give her a little run down of all the drama and she chuckles a little but until Addy gives her a death glare that's mean enough to skin a cat. Good thing we don't have a cat. If Buffy got her way we would but Tucker would just chase it off like he did the last one. B sits down next to Addy and gives her a little hug, but Addy's still pissed at her. "Angel girl, I'm sorry I laughed. It wasn't nice, and I won't do it again." Addy accepts her apology and gives her a big hug. Now that all the drama has been settled I can start making breakfast. I promised my dad a home cooked meal and he'll be here soon.

I'm about halfway through making breakfast when the doorbell rings. I look up at the clock on the stove. Fuck, he's early! He wasn't supposed to be here for another half an hour. Wait…false alarm, it's just one of the neighbors. Apparently they made a bunch of Christmas cookies and they saw our lights on and thought they'd go ahead and bring 'em over. It is a very nice gesture, especially 'cause I get free cookies, but it's bad at the same time 'cause now Buffy is gonna bitch that she didn't get the idea to make the neighbors some type of holiday treat. She does it every year, it's like a tradition at this point. She bitches, I only half listen, and then burn myself on the stove to distract her from that annoying topic. But this year she doesn't get the chance to bitch at me 'cause Joey just tried to rip open a present so she had to keep him distracted until breakfast.

"Mama, when is Grampa gonna get here?" Addy asks in a whiney tone that instantly get me irritated. I stay calm and start flippin the bacon over. I tell her 'any minute now' and she grumbles and leaves the room. She loves being around her grampa Chris 'cause he treats her like a fuckin princess. I don't' think he treated me that good when I was little and I'm his fucking daughter. Then again if Joyce was still alive Buffy would probably complain that she treats the kids better then she treated her. I think it's like an unwritten law that grandparents spoil their grandbabies rotten as payback for all the shit tha their own kids put them through. But I could be wrong. I hear the doorbell ring again and my blood goes cold. Fuck! I never got the chance to talk to Buffy about the present my dad's bringing over for Addy. Sure we're gonna say it's from Santa, we've been planning it for weeks. And last night I was going to talk to Buffy about it, but I got distracted. Damn my libido!

"Hey Addison, look what Santa forgot at my house." As soon as he says that I turn all the burners on the stove off. Mostly because the bacon and sausage is done, partly because Buffy plus fire will equal third degree burns on my face. But it's worth all the fear when I hear my baby girl scream out with joy. And damn she has a good set of lungs on her. I knew she would be happy. This is something she's been asking for since she was two and a half. We told her no so many times that she stopped asking for it, which only makes the moment I'm not seeing so much better. It feels good knowing that my little girl's happiness is because of something I did. But it's scary as fuck thinking about all the different ways Buffy could react. I'm getting little flashbacks of the night she stabbed me up on the roof and hopefully she'll show that kind of mercy. Yeah, that's mercy compared to what she might do now.

"It's a lady dog!" Addy screams and I hear her jump up and run over to my dad. From the sound of it I'd guess she's jumping up and down and clapping her hands together. "Mommy look! It's a lady dog! Santa got me a lady dog!" I don't think anybody, including all of the little kids in the entire world, has ever wished that Santa was real more then me in this moment. I hear B say something but I can't understand the words. I put the bacon and sausage on separate platters and then put them on the table. I take the huge bowl of scrambled eggs out of the microwave and put 'em with the rest of the food. I get one of the plastic kid plates out of the cupboard and put it on the tray on the highchair. I start to butter up a piece of toast when I hear my dad say 'Faith didn't tell you?' Fuck. I'm in trouble.

"No she didn't tell me." I gotta hand it to her she's controlling her anger very well. She stomps into the kitchen and I try to play dumb. I finish buttering the toast and put some jelly on it; strawberry not grape 'cause the little man doesn't like grape like the rest of us. I start ripping it up into little pieces and she's just fuckin starin at me, using her entire body to hate me. Ok, she doesn't hate me. At least I hope not, but she's really fuckin pissed at me. "Why didn't you tell me you were getting Addison a dog? I thought we agreed no more dogs?" We did but then I changed my mind. I could tell her the truth. Tell her that I left it until last minute so she wouldn't be able to say no and then forgot because I was horny. I could tell her that, or I could make something up and hopefully sleep in y own bed tonight.

"Because I knew you'd make me take her back to the breeder." There, plain and simple. I have to come up with more or she'll be mad all day. "Look, B, I know we came up with that 'one dog at a time' rule, but Tucker probably only has a couple of years left, and it's going to be really hard on the kids." I make my eyes well up with tears. Addy isn't the only one in this family who knows how to put on a good show. "I just thought it would be a little easier if we already have another dog. This way it won't seem like we're replacing him." I let a few of those tears fall and I sniffle a little bit, and put the tiny pieces of toast down on Joey's plate. And just like that all of B's anger melts away. She can say she hates Tucker all she wants but when he passes away she's going to be bawling like the rest of us.

"You're right," she says in a soft voice. She puts Joey in his highchair and he instantly starts picking at the toast. B walks over to me and wraps me up in a big hug. I hug her back and keep the tears up. I'll keep 'em comin for another minute or two, and then 'recover' from this display of emotion. "I know it's going to be hard on you when Tucker dies. He's more your dog then anyone else's." She gently rubs my back and I can't help but feel like I'm being trapped. I feel her grip tighten and I gulp a little. Damn, I'm so dumb sometimes. B never gets over anger that fast, ever. "But you should have told me about this, and explained it to me and I would've gone through with it. And I had something very special planned for tonight, but now you are so not getting any." Dammit! She probably got a new outfit or something that she was going to wear for the first time! Son of a bitch!

"Mama look!" Addy screams and comes running into the kitchen. B lets go of me and sits down at the table. Now that she's done being mad at me she's watching how happy our little girl is now, and she's smiling a little. Addy comes barreling into the kitchen with the puppy in her arms and it looks a little freaked out. "Santa got me a lady dog!" I get down on my knees so I'm eye level with her and she's just so fuckin happy. I never thought a human being could be that happy, but I guess I was wrong. "Santa left it at gramps Chris' house. And grampa Chris brought it here." I take the puppy from my little girl and the thing looks relieved to be away from her. She starts wiggling around in my arms and licking my face, and Addy giggles. "My lady dog likes you, Mama." I smile a little bit and put the puppy down on the floor, and she tries to climb up in my lap. Addy scoops her up in my arms and holds the puppy nice and tight, but not tight enough to hurt her.

"Your lady dog is a girl, and it's time for breakfast so your puppy has to stay out of the kitchen." Addy starts to pout but I give her a warning look and she stops. She knows fighting this rule is useless 'cause I've never budged on it before. I take the puppy from Addy and go into the living room. My dad already brought the rest of the stuff in. I went all out 'cause I didn't want Buffy to bitch at me that the new dog is going to cost us money. I already spent the money so she has nothing to complain about. I got a crate, water bowl, food bowl, toys, a dog bed, a leash, a collar, puppy food, and an appointment next week at the vet's office to get all of her shots and to get her spayed. Anyway, I put the little Cocker Spaniel in her crate and lock the door. Tucker is instantly all over it, wagging his tail and trying to smell her. He seems to like her. Lets hope it stays that way.

I go back into the kitchen and everyone is already sitting at the table and they're making their plates with all the food I cooked. I don't care that they didn't wait for me. I'm actually glad that they didn't. I take my seat and give Buffy a little kiss on the lips and an apologetic look but she's determined to hold onto that anger. I'm sure I've said this before, probably many times, but nobody holds onto their anger quite like a Summers woman. And from the little glare Addy just sent my way 'cause I locked her dog up I can tell that my kid has just enough of that gene inside her to be a problem. I really hope she doesn't have it or the teenage years are going to be hell. But lets not think about that right now. Right now I just want to be happy because it's Christmas morning and I have the best thing a person can ever have: a loving family.

BPOV

After breakfast we let the kids open up all the presents that Chris bought them. And there were a lot. I don't think Chris is making up for all the years lost with the kids, I think he's trying to make up for all of the lost years with Faith. He spoils our kids rotten because he never really got the chance to spoil Faith rotten. Faith has told me stories about the infamous Lehane temper, and how mad her dad used to get, but I think she exaggerated it a lot. And I think that because of the way Chris is with Faith, and the way he is with the kids. There's no doubt in my mind that Faith was treated like a princess by her father. I think it's really cute how Faith can act like such a kid around him. But at the same time it's kind of annoying because she'll encourage our kids to do bad things.

Anyway, after the kids got done opening their presents and figuring out which ones they wanted to open first there was a knock at the door. I answered it and was wrapped up in a huge hug from Willow. She was really excited and I got to see a little bit of the old Willow for a few minutes. She was babbling, and stuttering so bad I didn't understand her, but then she calmed down and told me the happy news. Sky had proposed. They weren't sure when they were going to tie the knot, but the fact that Sky asked Willow to marry her, and gave my redheaded friend one of the biggest diamond rings I've ever seen is a big deal. I'm really happy that Willow is so happy. That she finally found someone to settle down with. Maybe they will have a couple of kids. Willow has always wanted children, but Kennedy didn't, so she never had any.

It's a little passed noon right now. I just put Joseph in his crib. He dozed off about ten minutes ago. Addison is getting a little tired but I doubt she'll be taking a nap today. She usually doesn't take naps anymore, but Christmas morning at our house can be a little over stimulating for a little kid, and she was up about an hour before she normally gets up. That's not why she won't be taking a nap though. She's way too excited about the new puppy to do anything else. She isn't really interested in the toys she got this year. All she wants to do is play with the lady dog. I am still pissed at Faith for not telling me about the dog. But I have to admit that seeing my baby girl so happy is a great thing. I don't think I've ever seen her this happy before. And it's all because of that little runt. Yep, that's right Faith spent almost five hundred dollars on the runt of the litter. I just hope she doesn't have any health problems because if she has to be put down after Addison has already bonded with her then all hell will break loose.

"So Buffy, are all systems go for tonight?" Willow asks with a little smirk on her face. She's a big part of that very special surprise I had for Faith. Now I'm not so sure if I want to go through with it. Since Faith, Sky and Chris are all outside smoking I guess it's ok to talk about this now. Matthew's too busy playing the video game I bought him and Addison is trying to come up with a name for the puppy. So far Ruby is her favorite. I don't know why she doesn't want to name the puppy lady. I mean, that's the name of the dog in the movie and that's the whole reason why she calls it a lady dog. But I guess I shouldn't even try to understand. I mean, what goes on inside the mind of a four-year-old is probably too far out there for adults to understand. Anyway, I turn a little on the couch so I'm facing Willow a little more and get a small, sad smile on my face.

"I don't know, Will. I want to but I'm so mad at her right now I don't know if I can force myself to be with her like that. I'm still not very comfortable with using toys in the first place, and this is so intimate. And what if it doesn't work?" I sound like I'm panicking a little bit but I'm not. I'm just overreacting. I take a little sip of my wine and take a few calming breaths. This was all my idea. I thought it would be a great present for Faith, and me but now I'm not so sure. Luckily Willow is here to lend me some support of the best friend kind. I'm sure if Willow could convince me to give Riley a shot she can talk me into doing this too. Then again the whole Riley situation ended horribly. What if I do go through with tonight, and it ends just as bad? Ok, maybe not just as bad, but pretty close? I don't think I can handle another fight with Faith. I like the way things have been going. We've been happy, and communicating again.

"Well, I don't mean to sound conceded, but I am the one who came up with the spell so it will work. As for the other stuff, Buffy just look at how happy Faith made Addison by giving her that puppy. Now she may not have talked to you about it beforehand, but she didn't tell you that she was going to buy Matthew a puppy either." Why did she have to bring that up? I take a bigger drink from the glass and swallow it in one big gulp. I wipe away the little bit that dribbled out the corner of my mouth and I look into my best friend's eyes. She's trying as hard as she can to be serious right now. I know that this situation is a little silly, but I'm still pissed off about it. And she does have a good point. Addison is very happy that she finally got a lady dog.

"Yeah, but I was so mad at her for that we didn't have sex for almost two weeks. And that was when we were still having it a lot. We've slowed down a lot since then." It's true. Back then we couldn't go more then a couple of days without sex. Now it's down to once, maybe twice a week. We've been tired. We have three kids and a house to take care of. Not to mention the dog. And we have to do all the slaying because we're the only slayers in Lincoln. Emma has been making a lot of money lately because me and Faith slayer on a more regular basis now. We had to pull Emma aside and explain to her about slayer, and vampires, and demons and all of that because she would just find out anyway. We thought it would be better coming from us then her finding out by seeing a demon or vampire. She freaked a little but now she's more then happy to watch the kids whenever we need her to.

"Buffy, you shouldn't let a little fight get in the way of you being intimate with Faith. Or at least tonight. It's Christmas, and what better gift could you give Faith then this?" She's right, I'm pretty sure Faith is going to love this gift a lot. Oh God, what if she loves it too much? What if she can't be with me any other way after this? Ok, I'm panicking. Why didn't I think of any of this stuff before? Oh, because I was too excited about it to really think about anything else. I look up at Willow to voice my fears and she holds up her hand. "Huh-un, don't even go there. You were thinking really loud and I picked up on the little mind babble. Faith loves you, and yes she's probably going to love 'the gift', but there's no way she's going to love it more then you. What happened to 'I can't wait until Christmas night' Buffy? Where is this panicky Buffy coming from?" I guess that is a good question. This sudden fear does have a lot to do with some emotional stuff that I'd rather not talk about.

"Hey, what are you two whispering about over there?" Sky asks as she and the others walk into the living room. She takes her place next to Willow, and Faith sits down next to me. Chris sits down in the recliner and rubs his face with both his hands and yawns a little bit. I guess he had an early start too. Willow tells Sky we were just gossiping, and she wraps an arm around Willow. Sky is very touchy feely with her. I can't help but wonder if she was always like that or if she's only like that with my redheaded friend. Then again, why do I care? It's not like I'm going to be getting touchy feely with Sky at all, ever. I'll admit that she's a very attractive woman, but I'm with Faith. So it doesn't matter that Sky is attractive and has a very nice body, or the fact that if I wasn't with Faith and Willow wasn't with Sky, then I'd spend all night ravaging her and-

"Stop right there," Willow says and elbows me a little bit. Oh God, she heard that? Please tell me she didn't listen in on that. "I can't help it you're thinking too loud, calm it down a little bit. And stop thinking about that." She snuggles into Sky a little more and Faith totally picks up on the little move. Sky looks obvious but mostly because she's too focused on watching Matthew play that game and she didn't hear the beginning of the conversation. I'm sure that Faith has a good idea of what I was thinking. God I hope she doesn't, or it won't be me freezing her out tonight, it'll be the other way around. And I don't take rejection very well. But all Faith does is chuckle and wrap her arm around me. She's going to stay calm and not make a big deal out of it, but she's a little jealous and I can't help but smile. I take a little sip of my wine and snuggle in closer to her.

"I'm gonna take off," Chris says and gets up. I wasn't really expecting him to stay for too long. Earlier he mentioned having some plans, but he never said what they were. I think he's leaving to meet up with a woman. I don't know why, but that's the feeling that I'm getting. Anyway, he gives the kids kisses and hugs goodbye. Then he walks over to Faith and gives her a really big hug. "Merry Christmas, dolly-face." He gives her a kiss on the cheek and ruffles her hair a little bit. She what I mean about the princess treatment? If he's like this with her when she's a grown woman just imagine what he must've been like when she was a little kid. She was probably treated better then a princess. Then again my dad treated me like that for a long time. At least until he started cheating on Mom. That's when he became distant from all of us.

"Dolly-face?" Willow asks in a teasing tone after Chris leaves. Faith doesn't answer her, just pretends like she didn't hear Willow speak. That's probably best for everyone. Faith can get a little...defensive when it comes to her dad and some of the pet names he has for her. And I should know because I tease her about them sometimes, and she gets pissed. But that's ok, she does have an image to maintain even if it's already been completely ruined. Oh sure all of the other slayers still think she's some big badass because of Andrew and him keeping all of her horror stories alive, but the scoobs know that those are just exaggerations of what Faith is really like. She can be blunt, and rude, and a little conceded, and adventurous and sometimes a little threatening, but deep down she's a sweetheart and all of the scoobies have seen that side of her, thanks to Matthew. It's really hard to be badass when you're talking baby-talk to a five-month-old.

"We're going to take off too, Buffy," Willow says and gives me a little hug. She holds me close to her so her lips are touching my ear and she whispers very lightly so Faith and Sky hopefully won't be able to hear her. "And no more sexy thoughts about my fiancé. You have your own hot brunette to think about." We pull back from the hug and I give her a little mock glare but she knows that I'm just playing around. Sky and Willow take turns hugging and kissing the kids goodbye, and then they each give Faith a hug goodbye. It's really funny watching it because she's not used to hugging people other then me and the kids, and her dad of course. And as soon as they're out the door Faith gives me a little mischievous look and raises one of her eyebrows. I ignore because I know what she's going to ask about. So instead of looking at her I focus my attention on Matthew's game, but I can feel her eyes on me.

"Wanna tell me what that was all about?" she asks and scoots closer to me so she can wrap her arm around me again. I scoot away from her a little and she just keeps on moving closer. I tell her I have no idea what she's talking about and she chuckles a little bit. "Alright, then I'll tell you. What was going on inside that dirty little mind of yours that had Willow telling you to stop thinking sexy thoughts about her fiancé?" I blush but I ignore it and take another sip of wine. Faith isn't going to give this a rest anytime soon though. "So you think Sky's hot, huh?" She grabs onto my arm and turns me so I'm facing her. She gives me a deep kiss that I fight at first, but I get lost in after a few seconds. The little bit of wine I've had, and the feeling of Faith's tongue all over my mouth is making me feel a lot drunker then I really am. "How about we role-play then? You pretend I'm Sky and I'll pretend you're Katherine Heigl." I start to laugh but she cuts it off with another deep kiss.

"We're still in the room, ya know," Matthew says and the sound of his voice makes me pull away from Faith. I can't believe we were just making out like a couple of teenager right in front of the kids. I blush a little bit and hide my face in Faith's neck. That's a bad idea though, because now I have the greatest temptation to start nipping at all the hot skin just sitting there right in front of me. I hear Faith sigh a little bit and I know she's going to say something to him, even if it's just a smart ass remark.

"You're playing your game, so what do you care? It's not like you can see us with your eyes on the TV." She does have a good point, but still we shouldn't be making out like a couple of horny teenagers in front of our kids. That's the kind of thing that can scar them for life. Matthew doesn't say anything 'cause he's getting too wrapped up in the game again. Faith pulls back a little until she can see my face, and she smiles. She leans in and kisses me, and I don't fight it. I guess it's ok as long as we keep the use of our tongues to a minimum. Yeah, and that little plan only lasts about a minute and a half. As soon as the tip of her tongue touches mine I melt against her and let her take over.

"I can hear you kissing and it sounds gross," Matthew says in a very irritated voice and I pull back again. Faith tries to follow me and keep the kiss going, but I put my hands on her shoulders to block her. She pulls back with a little irritated noise and she looks over at our son. He isn't paying attention to us anymore, he's too busy playing his game, but I'm sure if we start kissing again and he hears the noise he'll get really pissed off. So I give Faith a little peck on the lips, and get up and start to make dinner. We always have an early dinner on Christmas, and I always make a huge amount of food and we just eat the leftovers for a couple days. That's our tradition and we're sticking to it. I'm about half way through fixing my big dinner when Addison comes into the kitchen holding the puppy and she has a little frown on her face.

"Mommy," she says in a little whiney tone. I stop mashing the potatoes and look down at her. She's standing about a foot away from me and she's looking up at me with that little frown. I don't have to ask what the problem is because she keeps talking before I even get the chance to respond. "My lady dog won't wake up." I kneel down next to her and make sure the dog isn't dead. I'm sort of afraid that the kids will play too rough with it and accidentally kill her. She's a small puppy, and they're slayers sometimes they forget about their super human strength. But the lady dog isn't dead, she's just sleeping. Addison hands her to me like she's sick or something. The puppy wines and collapses in my arms. She is a really cute little dog, I will admit that.

"That's because she's tired. Puppies are like babies, they need a lot of sleep." Addison sighs and yawns really wide. I guess she's getting a little worn out. "Come on, let's put the puppy in her crate. Maybe you can have Mama open up your new Barbie and you can play with that." Addison lets out a little 'alright' but she's disappointed that she doesn't get to play with the puppy anymore. I put her in her crate and she stands there for about two seconds before she collapses and goes back to sleep. I'm still a little irritated with Faith, but that little thing is starting to grow on me already. And the bright side is she isn't going to get very big so she won't tear up my house. Hopefully. I really hope I didn't just jinx it. If this little lady dog gets as bad as Tucker did I don't think I'll be able to wait for Faith to retrain her. Tucker almost destroyed the old house, and he got very jealous of me whenever I was around Faith. I'm not going to tolerate it this time. I shouldn't have tolerated it last time but I did, and I can't really remember why.

After dinner I called Dawn to see how she's doing. I called her this morning and she said she wasn't going to make it. Not only do both boys have a really bad cold, but she's getting it too. I offered to go over there and help her out but she says no, that I should be with my family because it's Christmas. I feel a little bad that she's alone on Christmas and sick at the same time. I really wish she could find somebody to be with but she probably won't even think about playing the dating game until the boys are two, maybe three. And even then dating as a single mom has all sorts of problems. I tell her I love her and wish her a merry Christmas even though it's clear she isn't having one. When I get off the phone I check up on the kids. They went to bed about half an hour ago. Addison threw the biggest fit when we told her that the puppy has to sleep in the crate instead of in the bed with her. This way it won't be able to hop down and crap all over the carpet. I go into my bedroom and see Faith tucking Joey in. Poor little guy is all worn out.

"Hey baby?" I ask in a low voice and close the door. The only light on is the little lamp on Faith's nightstand so the room is pretty dark. We don't use high watt light bulbs because those wake Joey up. He's a pretty light sleeper just like me. She turns around and raises an eyebrow as her reply. I don't really know where to begin. The plan was to do the spell at the very last minute and surprise her, but now I don't know if that's such a good idea. I sit down on the edge of the bed and look down at my hands. She can tell I'm nervous and she's being kind of supportive. She lays down on her back and looks up at me with a little smile on her face. I smile back at her and run my fingers through her long hair. She scoots towards me a little and rests her head in my lap. She takes one of my hands and gives the back of it a little kiss. Without even using words she's make me feel a lot more at ease. How does she do it?

"I was just wondering if you ever think about the day we made Joey?" I worded that really weird. I didn't mean to word it like that, it just came out. "I mean, do you ever wish that Willow would cast that spell again, so we can have sex like that again?" She looks a little confused and I know it's not because of the questions. She's wondering why I'm asking the questions. "Well?" I ask sounding a little impatient and she has to think about it. I just want to get this conversation over with so I'll know if I should go ahead with the surprise or not. She's quiet for a couple of minutes and I distract myself by running my fingers through her hair. It feels a little greasy 'cause way early this morning we got a little sweaty together and she didn't get a shower today.

"Not really no," she says and I don't really know what to think. Is that a bad sign, or a good one? I don't know and it's going to drive me a little crazy. "It was great, really great, but it was a temporary thing. If you're trying to ask if I want to do it again, well yeah I wouldn't mind it. But only if you want to. You know I don't want you to be uncomfortable with anything we do together." I smile down at her and I feel a little better. "Only if we do that again we're going to the store first and buying lots and lots of condoms. Wouldn't want you getting knocked up again." Well that's a little discouraging. Has she already forgotten that I want four kids? Oh well, she's right. It wouldn't be safe for me to get pregnant again because the possibility of something going wrong is pretty much a hundred percent. "Did Willow show you how to cast that spell or something?" She tries to keep the suggestiveness out of her voice, I can tell she tried but it came out sounding suggestive.

"No, not that spell. The spell she came up with one that lets the wearer of the strap-on feel like it's real, but it's not so there's no need for protection." I can't help but blush a little bit. Willow has gotten so that she likes telling me very descriptive stories of her sexcapades just to embarrass me. Only I don't get embarrassed too easy so she has to exaggerate them a little bit. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. "I was going to cast it tonight as a surprise, but then I started rethinking everything because I didn't know if you'd want that or not." She closes her eyes for a couple seconds and makes this little purring sound 'cause I'm still stroking her hair. She's so weird sometimes. "Faith I'm trying to be serious." She opens her eyes and then rolls them at me. Sometimes she can be so aggravating. Why do I even bother?

"I know, and you need to stop. It's not like we're talkin life or death here, B. Come on, we're married now. If you have any questions about what kinky new things I wanna try you should be a little more relaxed. And we can do the spell if you still want to. But lets not do it tonight. I'm fuckin tired," she says that last part around a big yawn. I can see the back of her throat and I'm so tempted to do something with th situation, like drop something in her mouth, but I'm not holding anything. I'm only thinking it because it's so something she would do to me if the situation was reversed. And this just goes to show how much we really have changed over the years. I think for the first time ever Faith's too tired for sex. Hide under a table or something to protect yourself from falling debris 'cause I think the world is about to end.

"I have a feelin Addy's going to be coming in here tonight. Do you think maybe we should talk to somebody about the nightmares?" I'm not sure if that's a good idea or not. If we take her to a child psychologist she could tell them about being a slayer, and all about demons and vampires and how her moms are like the best slayers ever, and we've saved the world almost countless times, and the person would think that my baby's crazy. Or they could believe her and hand her over to the government for testing. Either way I don't like the outcome. And they're just nightmares, I'm sure they'll go away. All little kids have nightmares. "I know that most kids have nightmares, but not of the shit she says she sees in those dreams." That's true. Her dreams are pretty...graphic. I don't know where she's seen that kind of stuff before. We don't let her watch violent TV shows or movies. And there's no way she's getting all of those images from one of Faith or Matthew's video games.

"I don't know. Can we talk about it more tomorrow? I just want to curl up in your arms and go to sleep." She smiles a little and nods her head, but I think she'd rather talk about it now. But she doesn't push for it. We change into our pajamas, and curl up under the covers. Faith turns out the light and I snuggle up to her. She holds me as we fall asleep and I silently give thanks to everything that I have to be grateful for. But most of all I'm grateful for her. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't come along. If I hadn't fallen in love with her I'd probably still be having horrible relationship after horrible relationship. Or I could be married to someone else and have completely different kids. I'm glad that when I told her that I love her she didn't reject me, and she didn't laugh in my face. She didn't want to date me right away, but I'm stubborn and I got my way after a while. And I highly doubt she regrets any of it. We have a wonderful, very happy family, why would anyone regret that?

FPOV

I jolt awake when I feel something shake me. What the fuck? I was having a great dram. But now it's gone because someone just had to wake me up. I feel them push on my shoulder again and I slowly open my eyes. I see Addy standing about four inches in front of my face and I jump a little. Damn kid's trying to give me a heart attack. Addy's still trying to wake me up. I guess she didn't see my eyes open or something. She's crying a little and I can smell the urine from here. These nightmares that she's been having have really gotta stop. Not only has she been waking me up, but she hasn't been sleeping very good since they started happening. She wets her bed way more, and she gets so scared that she bawls her eyes out. Didn't I tell B that Addy would be in here tonight? I so totally called it.

"Mama," she whispers and she sounds like she's trying so hard not to cry. I sit up a little bit so she knows I'm awake. I don't want to wake Buffy up. My voice is always a little harder to control when I first wake up. "Mama I had a accident." She starts crying a little and I reach out and gently cup her cheek. I slowly get out of bed and hold onto her hand. I had lead her out of my bedroom and into the bathroom down the hall. I flip on the light and we both wince at the sudden brightness. She starts crying a little harder and I don't know if it's because she doesn't have to be quiet or if the light hurt her eyes. I draw her a bath but then decide that I might as well take one too. I never did get a shower yesterday and I feel kind of gross. After the bathtub is full of warm water I help Addy take off her cold, wet clothes and put her in the tub. Then I strip down and slowly climb in.

"Addy, shh, baby. It's ok," I tell her in a low, raspy voice. She's still crying really hard and it's only getting worst. I pull her into my lap and she rests her head right under my chin. I gently rub her back and hold her tightly against me. We've got to do something, anything to get the nightmares to stop. This is getting out of control and I hate feeling like I don't have any control. I takes her about fifteen minutes to finally calm down. She's so quiet now that I think she fell asleep. "Want me to wash your back?" I feel her nod her head. Guess I was wrong about her being asleep. She scoots off my lap and sits by my knees. I grab the washrag and the soap and gently scrub her back and she moves her hair to the side so I can wash her shoulders and neck. She likes taking bath with me 'cause then she doesn't have to wash herself 'cause she knows I'll do it for her.

"Did you have a dream about the bad man?" I ask and keep my tone light. When I finish washing her back I grab the plastic cup on the far corner of the tub and rinse off the soap. It must've been one graphic dream to have her so broken. She usually doesn't cry that hard. I want to know what she saw but I don't want to push her. If she doesn't want to talk about it I can't make her. "What did the bad man do?" She doesn't say anything she just shrugs her shoulders. I try not to sigh 'cause I don't want to her think I'm getting irritated. "Addison, you can tell me anything. Nothing is going to happen. No one is going to hurt you." I feel her tense up and all sorts of red flags start going off.

"He said he would…" she tries to get out but a sob cuts her off. So somebody is hurting her? Somebody is hurting my baby? I ask her who he is but she doesn't say anything. So I ask her again and she starts shaking. "I don't know." She starts sobbing again and I pull her into my lap and try to get her to calm down. It isn't easy though 'cause she's really fuckin upset. I can feel my blood boiling and my heart breaking all at the same time. I don't know how long it takes her to calm down but when she does she gets a little nervous. She grabs the washcloth and starts washing herself and she won't look at me. She's acting just like Buffy when she doesn't want to talk about something. I ask her who the man is again and she sighs all dramatic and pissed off. Yep, definitely takes after Buffy.

"Addy, is he a real person or is he just in your dreams?" I ask and she keeps washing herself off but he does reply. I just hope I can get some answers out of her that'll help me figure out what the fuck is going on. If this 'bad man' is a real person he'll be unrecognizable when I dump him on the doorstep of the police station. Hell, I might just toss him to the vamps, let them clean up the mess. Sounds like a plan to me.

"He's not real. He's just in my dreams." Ok so is she telling the truth or lying because she's scared? I can't tell. It's always hard to tell if she's lying or not because she's so damn good at it. She's practically a four-year-old con artist. I ask her what the bad man did in her dream and she stops moving. The room's completely silent as I wait for her answer. I think she's emotionally worn down enough to answer my questions. I feel like shit for breaking her down like that but this is important and I need answers. "He hurt my lady dog." She doesn't say anything else. She starts washing my shins and knees. I guess she's trying to keep herself distracted so she doesn't have to think about what she saw.

"What did he do to your lady dog?" I ask in a soft voice. She pauses for a couple seconds so I know she heard me. But she ignores me. She keeps washing my legs and it's getting a little annoying. I try not to sigh in irritation. I can't get mad at her for not talking or she'll never open up. What I want to know is why doesn't she trust me enough to tell me what happened? What did the bad man tell her? "Put your head back." I try not to sound frustrated but it's hard. I just want to help her. I just want these nightmares to go away so she doesn't have to wake up in fear. I use the cup to wet her hair and I take my time washing it. I make sure that every strand gets clean, and then conditioned. Ok, so maybe she does get that 'distracting yourself to keep your mind off something' thing from me.

"Why are you two up so early?" Buffy asks as she walks in. She yawns really wide and stretches her arms high above her head. Addy tells her that she had an accident but Buffy is still too tired to really care. She will in a little while though, and maybe she can get some more answers out of Addy. B pulls down her pajama pants and panties and sits down on the toilet. She glances over at us with a raised eyebrow. "Privacy please?" I roll my eyes and close the shower curtain. And even with it closed she has to turn on the faucet so we won't be able to hear her take a piss. Ok, we've lived together for how long and she's still self-conscious? That's just stupid. "Addison did you have another bad dream?" She flushes the toilet and after a few seconds she turns the water off, and now she's brushing her teeth. It's like five in the morning, what the fuck is she doing? You'd think she'd want to go back to bed. Guess she's just weird.

"Yeah Mommy," Addy says and opens the shower curtain. She hates not being able to look at someone when she's trying to talk to them. "I saw the bad man again." She sounds so sad now. Why does the bad shit always happen to her? First she gets sent back to the past, then she gets a fuckin brain tumor, and now this shit. Is anyone else seeing a pattern here? Good, so it's not just me. Buffy pauses for a couple seconds and glances over at her for about two seconds and then starts brushing her teeth again. I have Addy turn around so I can clean off her front. I know she already did it, but she's a little kid so she probably missed some spots.

"What did the bad man do?" B asks and spits a fat glob of froth and saliva. The way she's treating the situation it's like she's askin Addy what she did at school. Does she just not care or is she just too tired to care? I can't decide which one. I'll have to ask her about it later. How can she not care? If that is her answer, I mean. Addy's wetting her bed and waking up terrified, how can B act like this isn't a big deal? So many questions but I can't ask 'em in front of Addy just in case a fight breaks out. We try as hard as we can not to fight in front of the kids. Just hearing your parents fight is bad enough, but seeing it happen can fuck a kid up. And the last thing either of us want to do is fuck our kids up.

"He hurt my lady dog," Addy says and looks down at her lap. What the hell? I had to practically pull teeth to get her to talk to me, but she's talking to Buffy without any trouble. Then all of a sudden a light bulb goes off over my head, figuratively speaking. When I started asking questions I was all serious about it, but B's acting relaxed and calm and Addy isn't getting uncomfortable like she did with me. You may have won this round Buffy, but I will so take you down. Wait…what the fuck am I talking about? I need to stay focused 'cause Addy might tell B what she saw. Then maybe we can figure out why these nightmares keep happening.

"Well, don't worry, baby. Nobody's going to let anything bad happen to your lady dog." That's it? She's not going to ask her what happened to the dog? It could be important. "Come on, lets get you dressed so you can let your lady dog outside to go potty." She puts her toothbrush back in the holder, and grabs a towel from under the sink for Addy to dry off with. She gets out of the tub and they leave the room. This fuckin sucks. I got like no answers out of her, at least none that are helpful. There's only one thing I can think of that could help. Buffy doesn't want her to see a shrink, and we can't just do nothing, so I guess it's time to call up Glenda and get her to do something magical. Maybe Red can do some kinda mind reading spell, see if Addy's lying or not. I don't know what would be the best thing to do so I'll just have to wait to talk to Willow. And Sky's a witch too so maybe she can help Red do whatever it is that she'll do.

I wash myself off mostly for a distraction. Addy's awake now so the 'bad man' can't hurt her so I can deal with all this stuff later. Getting this resolved is important but I have some other important stuff to do also. Mostly just housework. I'm going to do more then my fair share to give Buffy a little bit of a break. Alright, I'll admit it I'm mostly doing it just to make sure she isn't mad at me anymore. I'm pretty sure she's not, but I should do this just in case. I mean, last night she wanted me to hold her, and she never lets me touch her when she's pissed off at something I did. I also need to do some laundry. We're going over to my dad's house for dinner tonight and I want the kids to wear their nice clothes. Their nice clothes are still dirty from the last time we had dinner over there.

After I let the water out and get out of the tub I dry off and throw on some clothes. I guess I'll wash Addy's sheets and blankets first. We don't have to be at my dad's until six so I have all day to do the laundry. After I throw in that stuff I scrub off her mattress and spray some Febreeze on it. I'm surprised we haven't boughten one of those plastic covers to put over the mattress. I guess that would be too embarrassing for her. She gets really upset with herself whenever she wets the bed. Me and B keep telling her it's ok and it's not he fault, but she gets really ashamed when she does. I wonder if she got made fun of at daycare? She hasn't worn a diaper since she was two and a half, maybe she wet herself during naptime and some kids made fun of her? I'll have to ask her teacher about it. I know Mattie would never make fun of her for it and me and B have been nothing but supportive so why does she get so ashamed?

"What's for breakfast?" Mattie asks when he walks into the kitchen. Well good morning to you too. Don't these kids have any fuckin manners? I thought we taught them that kind of stuff. Hmm, maybe we forget. Oh well. I'm joking. I know they have manners, he's just tired. I tell him I'll make some ham and cheese omelets if he'll take out the trash and I don't even need to say please. He really likes my omelets. As I'm cutting up some ham from last night's dinner I glance out the window and I can't help but smile. Buffy and Addy are in the backyard, sitting on the grass across from each other and rolling the soccer ball back and forth, and the puppy is chasing the ball trying to bite onto it but her mouth isn't big enough. Then Tucker stand over her, grabs onto the ball and takes off running. B and Addy both yell at him but he doesn't stop. So they both jump up and run after him. I laugh to myself a little ad go back to fixing breakfast.

"Mama does my lady dog hafta go in the cage?" Addy whines and I tell her yes. "Why?" I tell her that it's time for us to eat and the dogs aren't allowed in the kitchen while we eat. I also tell her that Tucker learned to stay out of the kitchen during meals and one day the lady dog will too and she won't have to be locked up. She gets a little irritated and I know she's getting pissed off. Great, I really hope she doesn't throw a fuckin tantrum. That's the last damn thing that I need right now. "Fine." She sound all pissy and she stomps off to the kitchen. But she surprisingly doesn't throw a tantrum. She isn't acting very pleasant, but there's no yelling, no screaming, no mean words, or tears or melodrama. I go into the kitchen and everyone's at the table already, and they're waiting for me. I sit down and Buffy starts making up the kids' plates. She puts an omelet on Addy's plate, and some fruit but my precious little angel makes this weird noise, almost like a growl, and pushes the plate away.

"Addison Kristine," B says in that stereotypical mom way. "You straighten up right now, and eat your breakfast." She finishes making up Joey's plate and he starts jabbering to himself while he eats. Addy still doesn't cooperate. She pushes the plate back more and Buffy gets really irritated. I try really hard not to smile 'cause it'll just undermine B's authority if Addy sees me doin it. But it's hard not to 'cause no matter what B says she is a lot like her mom when she gets irritated with the kids. It's hilarious to watch. "You know, Addison, Santa doesn't like it when little kids act bratty out their Christmas presents. You might want to start acting nicer or he might come back and take your lady dog back to the North Pole." That threat will only be good for one, maybe two more days. It does the trick for now. Addison is still mad 'cause she didn't get her way, but she eats her breakfast.

I don't say much while he eat. Mattie's talking about how he can't wait to get back to school because the first week they go back they have a basketball game with some team from Vegas. It took me a while but I finally got Buffy to agree to let him play. I gave her more head in that one night then I have in the last three months. I got so dizzy I thought I was gonna pass out. I wonder what my dad's gonna make for dinner tonight? He's an ok cook, but his skills are a little…limited. I'm just saying there are other animals out there besides the cow that are raised and slaughtered for their meat. Every time we've gone over there he's made something out of beef. Would it kill him to make some pork chops or something every once in a while? But I guess I can't complain. It is his house after all, and he's just fixing what he likes. Doesn't mean he has to try and convert us to the 'beef lovers society'.

"Would you two hold still for like five seconds, please?" Buffy nags at me and Mattie. We weren't doing much. I poked him so he poked me back and we got into a little contest. It's not my fault we're bored. This elevator ride is taking forever! How long does it take to get to the third floor? I mean, seriously this is bullshit. Finally the elevator stops and the doors open. We step out and walk down the hall. Damn, how long is this hallway? "Faith will you stop dragging your feet? You're acting like a three-year-old." Addy lets out a very offended 'hey!' and Buffy rolls her eyes. "You're not three anymore, Addison." I laugh a little but stop when B glares at me. She's pissed off at me because Ruby, Addy finally decided to name her, got into the garden when I left her outside by herself, and she completely destroyed it. I'm gonna have to replant the whole thing, and it's going to take forever 'cause B's garden was pretty big.

Finally we make it to the end of the hall. B knocks on the door and we wait. After about two seconds someone yells 'come in' but it didn't sound like my dad. We walk into the apartment and hear someone giggling, a girl someone giggling. What the fuck is going on? Buffy parks the stroller next to the door and takes Joey out of it. Mattie and Addy run off to find their grandpa. We follow them and find him in the kitchen and he's not alone. There's a girl in here with him alright. The 'she's just a neighbor helping me take care of the baby' Brittany to be exact. Well, she's quite the friendly neighbor isn't she? I mean, she helps my dad take care of a four-month-old when she has no obligation to, and now she's cooking dinner for us. Maybe we should move into this apartment building if the neighbors are so helpful. I'd never have to do chores again.

Tonight she's wearing a cashmere sweater that's red with little snowflakes all over it. It hugs her body very well and in all the right places. She has on some tight fitting blue jeans that probably hug her ass perfectly. I'll have to wait until she turns around to see if they do. She blushes and looks a little embarrassed and I really want to know why. But I think I have a good idea. See, the sweater isn't a turtleneck, and I can see a teeny-tiny little hickie on the juncture where her neck meets her shoulder. I get a very mischievous smile on my face and my dad gives me a warning look. So there is something going on, and he's silently telling me to back off. Oh, this is going to be good. And here I thought tonight was going to be just another dinner at my dad's. Moderately fun, especially after we break out the wine, but now it's different. Now I can stir up some trouble.

"Sorry dinner isn't ready yet, but we weren't expecting you for another fifteen minutes." Yeah, no kidding. "The chicken has a garlic seasoning on it and I didn't know if the baby could have that so I'm baking a chicken breast for him." Well, that was nice of her. Buffy is the one to thank her 'cause I'm too busy giving my dad a playful look and he keeps glaring at me. Tonight is going to be so much fun. "You kids can go play if you want. You know where the toys are." Ok that bugs me a little bit. She's just being nice, so let it go. They do run off to the spare bedroom and dig into the toys. "So, what have you girls been up to today?" Buffy tells her 'not much' but I'm waiting for the perfect moment to try and draw them out. If they're in a relationship I'm so going to find out.

"So, Brittany," I say after Buffy gets done describing the stupid candle holder I got her for Christmas. It wasn't the only thing, but it is by far the most pointless. Luckily the diamond earrings made up for it. "What did you do for Christmas?" She looks a little nervous, my dad looks a little irritated, and Buffy…well she looks genuinely interested because she has no idea what I'm trying to do. I lean against the counter and wait for her to answer. I'm trying not to smile because I don't want to freak her out, and it's really hard. And I have to admit that she's pretty damn cute when she's nervous.

"I just stayed home. My parents passed away a couple years ago, and the only family I have is a brother but we haven't spoken in years. I usually go to Aspen with some of my friends but I decided not to go. My boss is sick and I had to cover for her at work." Wow, that sounds somewhat believable. That must be one hell of a boss if she's willing to cancel a trip to Aspen just to work. Either that or she was here with my dad. Is it weird that I'm not jealous? You'd think I'd be jealous of her because my dad and I just found each other last year, and if he's too busy spending time with her then I might get kicked to the curb. But I don't feel that way. Is that weird?

"That sucks that you were alone on Christmas," Buffy says and I raise an eyebrow at my dad. His face is turning so red that I want to laugh and tell him to calm down before he has a heart attack but I can't because it'll ruin everything. And Buffy saying that was so perfect because Brittany doesn't really know what to say. I feel like I should be cackling. Don't wicked witches cackle and wring their hands together? 'Cause I feel like I should be doing that too. Brittany takes in a deep breath and tries to make her blush go away. Me and B exchange a little glance, and B has no idea what's going on. Is she really that dense or is she just in denial?

"Well, it was kind of nice being by myself for a change. I got to sleep in and laze around all day. It was nice. Quiet, but nice." Oh, I just caught her in a lie! She is so going down. I'm about to open my mouth and say something when there's a loud beep. "Chicken's ready." Saved by the bird. But I'm not going to let it go that easy. I'll keep my mouth shut for now but I will open it later. Oh yes, you better believe it. I'm going to get to the bottom of this even if I have to ask some embarrassing questions I'd rather not know the answers to. My dad and I set the table while the two Bs stay in the kitchen and talk while Brittany finishes making dinner. Not only did she bake a chicken but there's honey glazed carrots, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and she's making the chicken gravy right now. All of it smells and looks great. Lets just hope it tastes good too.

"Kids, dinner!" Buffy yells as she and her new best friend walk out of the kitchen and into the dining room. "And when my mom got sick I dropped out so I could be at home more and help her around the house take care of my younger sister. After she passed away I had to get a job to support me and my sister and I never got back around to it." They must be talking about school. How boring. "But now I'm taking a business course at the community college and hopefully one day soon I'll be able to open my own self-defense training class." Yep, that's what she wants to do. I think it's a little dumb, but she wants to do it and I'll support her no matter what. As long as I get to open up my shop all will be good. It's going to be so bad ass. I still need to come up with a name though.

"That's cool," Brittany says and sets the platter down on the table. Everything else has already been set out. "The job I have is only temporary. I'm an assistant so it's kiss ass work mostly. My boss is pretty cool for a boss. She has her moments. What I really want to do is teach." Aww, how sweet. We sit down at the table. Buffy puts Joey in the highchair and makes up a plate for him. She calls out to the kids again and this time they actually listen. I watch my dad and Brittany kinda closely but without being obvious, ya know? She's actually making up his plate for him. And no one is saying anything! "I get my degree this June, then I'll substitute for a while until I find something a little more permanent." Now I think is the perfect time to start pulling out the big guns. I'm going to show no mercy until these two lovebirds fess up.

"Not to sound intrusive." Yeah right. I totally mean to sound intrusive. "But during the subbing and then finding permanence do you see yourself getting married or having kids of your own?" She almost chokes on her milk, which would have been hilarious, but she coughs a couple times and goes back to normal. Buffy's giving me some strange looks and my dad looks like he could kill me right now. Good, it's working. Maybe he'll get mad enough and in a fit of anger confess to there being more then friendship or just being good neighbors. Anyway, Brittany clears her throat a couple times and thinks about my question. I guess she's trying to find a way to word it carefully.

"Well, that's a good question." She's so nervous that her hairline is starting to get a little bit of sweat. Hmm, maybe I should back off and wait for them to tell me when they're ready? No, fuck that. They might never come clean, and then I won't know anything. And I hate being left in the dark. She opens her mouth to say something but my dad totally cuts her off. Well, that's a little rude. He usually acts more gentleman like then that. Then again, who cares? Lets just listen to what he has to say.

"Actually, if I could interrupt for a minute," he says and she nods her head. He takes in a deep breath and then reaches over and holds onto Brittany's hand. Ok, this isn't funny anymore. I think this relationship of theirs is about more then just sex. And up until a couple seconds ago I thought that's all it was. "Brittany and I have been seeing each other for a while now, since February." That was ten months ago! "And yesterday I proposed." What?! "And she said yes." The entire room is completely silent. Not even Joey is making any noise. I go to say something but my dad keeps talking. "There's more." Oh please don't say it. "In about seven months we're expecting a baby." I think I'm going to faint. Whatever thought I was going to verbalize is gone. All I can do is concentrate on breathing. It's Addy that finally breaks the deafening silence.

"But you're so old."


	59. Accepting Reality: Easier Said Then Done

**The Same Night.** FPOV

"Addison, don't be rude," Buffy says but I can barely hear her. It's like someone flipped a switch in my mind and now my hearing, vision, and breathing abilities have been turned way down. I'm in complete shock, I guess. I don't know what to think. I certainly don't know what to say. I just want to reverse time to before I decided to push for finding out what was going on. This is way more then I bargained for. I guess this will teach me not to pry into people's personal lives. No, actually it won't. It should, but it won't. All I can do is listen to my wife and daughter argue with each other while everyone else is dead quiet. I glace over at Mattie and he looks just as shocked. Joey is busy eating and watching his mom and sister like he's at a tennis match, and I don't know what the other two are doing. I looked down at the table after my dad made his announcement and I haven't looked up at them since.

"But he is Mommy. He is old. And Brittany's not old." Addy's right, she's not old. She was just talking about graduating college and finally getting her degree. And she started college right after high school. At least I think she did. Let's just assume that she did. So she's what, twenty-two maybe twenty-three? My dad turned fifty-two in September so they're like thirty years apart. This chick is young enough to be my baby sister, and she's going to marry my dad, and give birth to his child? This is just too much. I don't know if I can handle this. She can't be my step-mom. I don't want a step-mom. Why couldn't she just be the hot neighbor girl who had a sexual based relationship with my dad, then moved on after college. Wait...he said the baby will be born in seven months, so he knew about it. She's two months pregnant and she told him before he proposed. So he's only doing this out of obligation to the baby?

"I don't care if he's old and she's not, Addison. You're being rude." Buffy sounds like she's dealing with this fairly well. Then again from what I heard she didn't take too kindly to her mom wanting to marry that Ted robot thing. So I guess this is just a natural reaction? I wasn't upset when I thought they were just fucking, but now I'm in shock 'cause this little skank is gonna be my step-mom? Sounds reasonable to me. I mean, a step-mom. I've never had one of those before. And I'm a grown woman, how am I supposed to take anything she has to say seriously when I'm fuckin older then she is? She's like ten years younger then me, so if I were dating her it would a little weird, so this is like...I can't even think of a word for it. A few of them are coming to mind, but they're mean so I don't want to think them.

"But he's a grampa. Grampas can't have babies." So she what, told him about the pregnancy and said that if he left her she'd ruin him with child support fees? And now he's marrying her so she won't freak out? That's the only thing that really makes sense. He doesn't make much from Giles. Enough to afford this apartment, and food, and pay the bills, and pay for health insurance and all of that, but he doesn't really have a lot of money to spare each month. If he has to pay five hundred dollars a month for child support he'll be fuckin homeless, or starving with no electricity or heating. And it gets cold in Nevada at night.

"Yes they can, Addison, now lower your voice," B says. I finally look up at my dad and he's waiting for me to say something. His eyes are burning holes into me and I can't ignore him anymore. The shock is wearing off and now I'm suspicious, and pissed off. I'm not sure why I'm getting so pissed. Sure she could just be after my dad's money, but I don't think that's it. I know my dad pretty good now, and I don't think he'd let some bimbo force him into marriage just because he knocked her up. He'd find a way to pay the child support, and he'd help raise the kid, but he wouldn't stay in a relationship with her. But I can't accept the fact that maybe this is real. That maybe they do love each other and want to get married. I don't know why the thought is pissing me off so much, but it is. Enough that my fists are so tight my fingernails are digging into my palms and making me bleed.

"How old are you?" I interrupt whatever Addy was going to say next. I just fuckin stare into the bright blue eyes of the girl sitting across from me. Well, across from me and to the right. She has this mixture of emotions on her face. She's a little scared because I'm so pissed. She's disappointed because I'm so pissed, and I think she's a little...angry. I think defensive would be a better word for it. I'm questioning her relationship with my dad, if this is serious then she has every right to be defensive. But then again, I don't care. I just want to find out what the fuck is going on. She doesn't say anything. She looks a little confused by the question. So I say it again. "How old are you?" My voice is strained and my muscles feel tight. I feel Buffy put a hand on my arm but I shrug her off.

"Twenty-eight. I know the age difference is big, Faith, and you're probably suspicious about my intentions." Well, at least she isn't stupid. "But I love your father, and I'm not going to hurt him." I think I'm going to be sick. I didn't want to hear that. "I know it hasn't been long since your dad found you, and I just want you to know that I'm not trying to steal him away from you. I'll never try to come in between the two of you." Yeah she says that now, but just wait. She'll start taking up more of his time and then I'll get kicked aside. He'll have his new family to worry about. Why does this shit keep happening to me? Every time I find something good something has to come and fuck it all up. I look down at the table again and I try to control the anger that's building. It's like a tight knot in my stomach that just wants out so bad. It actually fuckin hurts. I'm so angry that it hurts.

"Faith, I just found you. No one could take me away from you, ever," my dad says in a low voice. Then why does it feel like it. I don't want to deal with this. They're all staring at me, and it feels like the walls are closing in. I look up into his dark brown eyes and everything is all blurry. Oh, I have tears in my eyes. When did that happen? "Faith, this is a good thing. Don't reject it. Brittany isn't gonna take me away from you." He reaches across the table and touches my hand. As soon as I feel his calloused fingertips touch me I pull my hand back like it's been burned. I've never reacted to his touch like that before, ever. I can see the hurt in his eyes but I can't force myself to care. My head feels like it's spinning, and I'm having trouble breathing. I'm about to jump up out of my seat and take off but I feel Buffy wrap her hand around mine. I look over at her and she's the definition of calm. Her thumb gently caresses my skin and it calms me down. I look at my dad again and he looks...eager, I guess.

"I don't know what to say." I don't. I can't say I'm happy for them because I'm not, and nothing else is coming to mind. I still can't believe this. I can feel my anger building again and it's taking over a little. At least enough to make me say what's really on my mind. Normally I don't hold back, but I was going to because this shit is going to be mean. Feelings will be hurt, and a fight will probably break out. But I can't just keep my mouth shut. "Why him?" I look over at Brittany with fire in my eyes and she physically recoils from it. "You're hot enough to get any guy you want. So why him?" I'm probably acting just like one of those jealous teenagers but I don't give a shit. He's my dad so she can just back the fuck off.

"I love him, Faith. I don't want to be with anyone else." The only sound I can really hear now is my blood pumping through my veins. I can feel the anger in me grow rapidly and too fast for me to control. I'm about to lose it. Thank God Buffy's here in case I go psycho again. She's the only one who can stop me from ripping this bitch's throat out.

"That's bullshit!" I yell and slam my fist hard enough on the table to leave a dent. Joey starts crying and I don't blame him. There's enough tension in the room to make anyone want to break down. And he's never heard me yell like that before. I lower my voice, but there's just as much hate in it as before. "You could've found someone else to love. You could've gotten knocked up by someone else you dirty skank." I feel Buffy smack my arm because that was fucked up thing to say. But I don't give a shit. I'm about to say something else but I'm interrupted.

"Enough!" my dad roars and everyone stops what they're doing. Both Joey and Addy are crying now and it's the only sounds in the entire apartment. After what feels like forever Buffy gets up and takes Joey out of the highchair. She cradles him against her as he continues to try. Then she walks to the other end of the table and holds onto Addy's hand and nods at Mattie, silently telling him to follow her. He gets up after a little hesitation and Buffy takes 'em down the hall and most likely into the spare bedroom. I look up at Brittany and see that she has tears in her eyes, and just a little bit of my anger goes away. I didn't notice the tears before so I don't know if it's what I said that has her upset or the way my dad yelled. He's a quiet guy but he can be damn scary when he wants to be. She wipes at her eyes and is careful not to ruin her makeup. I try not to roll my eyes.

"Look," he says in a low voice and reaches across the small table and holds onto my hand. This time I don't fight it. The touch doesn't feel uncomfortable or unwelcome like the last one did. "I know this is a shock. It's a lot to take in, and I don't expect you to be happy for me right away, but will you at least be civil?" I sigh and think about it. Ok, if I keep acting like this he could cut me off. He said that he isn't going to let anything come between us but she could. She's carrying his child, and they're going to get married and it's only been a year since he found me and we're still doing the whole reconnecting thing. So I swallow my pride, which is difficult because it's big and very spicy, and I nod my head a little bit. "Well, alright then." He lets go of my head and gently squeezes my shoulder. "Besides, when you were five you started begging for a little sister, maybe now maybe you'll get one." I can't help but laugh a little bit. Now here's comes the hard part. I look over at Brittany and she looks a lot more at ease now that I'm calm.

"I'm, uh, sorry for...ya know, calling you a dirty skank." She doesn't hesitate a second before she says something back.

"It's alright, Faith. I've been called worst." She smiles and laughs a little bit and takes another drink of her milk. But I have some more stuff to apologize for.

"And I'm sorry for acting like such an ass. I do that sometimes. I'm Irish so it's kind of genetic. Junior might be the same way." She smiles again and licks the little bit of milk off her lips before she talks. Oh man, I so wish I could've done that for her. Ok, Faith you're going to have to not think sexual, dirty, perverted, kinky thoughts about her. She's going to be your step-mom soon. That would be totally wrong.

"I'm the assistant of a fashion designer, I put up with snobby models all day. Trust me, I'm totally used to being around temper tantrums." I so did not through a temper tantrum. Fine, if she wants to go, we can so go.

"And I'm sorry for saying your eyes are too far apart." I take a drink of water to cover up the smile and I don't think she was paying too much attention because she doesn't look mad or anything.

"It's ok, I-" Ah, she caught on a lot sooner then I thought she was going to. Good, that means she's smarter then your average blonde. "You never said that." Awww, look at that little pout. I wanna take her bottom lip and- STOP! Ok, jeez, no need to yell.

"Oh. Must've just thought it." I smile at her and she rolls her eyes a little bit but she doesn't get mad. Hmm, maybe she's cooler then she seems. I'll have to hang out with her a bit, get to know her and stuff like that. If she's going to be marrying my dad then she's going to be coming over to my house for the holidays and birthdays and whenever we have him over for dinner. So I might as well get to know her. I look around the table and notice that everyone else is gone. I'm about the ask where they went when I remember. "Excuse me a sec." I leave the table before either of them have a chance to say anything. I walk down the hall and stop at the first door on the right. I listen for a few seconds and sure enough this is where B took the kids. I softly knock on the door but don't wait for a response. When I walk in I see Mattie and Addy on the floor playing very quietly with some toys. Joey is still fussing a little and B's trying to calm him down. She looks into my eyes and smiles the tiniest little smile.

"Everything alright out there?" she asks and I nod my head. I close the door and sit down on the bed next to Buffy. I can't believe I lost it like that in front of the kids. How dumb am I? I give Buffy a little kiss on the lips 'cause now that all my anger is gone I feel emotionally drained and I could really use a pick-me-up. But then Mattie and Addy start fake coughing and Addy takes it one step further by throwing herself to the floor and rolling around like she's choking to death. Buffy playfully taps her with her foot. "Knock it off, you little fakers. It's not that bad." I know that I need to say something to them. Well, to the kids at least. Buffy can understand why I lost my temper because she was like a fuckin demon when her mom brought that Ted guy home. I give her one more kiss on the lips before I get off the bed and sit down next to Addy. They both notice that my demeanor is serious and they calm down right away.

"Hey guys, I want to say sorry for the way I acted. It had to have scared you at least a little bit." I look from one of them to the other and neither of them are reacting. I guess I should keep going. "I got really mad in there, but that's no excuse for how I yelled and some of the things I said." I can't believe I said the word skank in front of them. Hopefully they'll forget about it by the time Christmas break is over 'cause B will kill me if she gets a phone call from the school telling her how one of the kids called another kid a skank. It would be funny as hell to see though. Anyway. "Can you guys forgive me?" They nod their heads and Addy is the first one to speak, like always.

"Yeah, Mama. And you didn't scare me 'cause you yell at the TV all the time." What? So I get passionate when I watch sports, that's nothing to be ashamed of. "Grampa scared me. He sounded like a big, mean bear." Yeah I guess he kinda did. I laugh a little bit and give her a kiss on the cheek. "Eww, Mama, you got spit on me." She wipes at her cheek and I roll my eyes. "What's a skank?" I look at her and try to come up with an answer. I have no idea what to say and luckily Buffy comes to the rescue.

"Now that everyone is calm again, why don't we go back out there and finish eating dinner, ok?" They nods their heads and we get off the floor. I open the door for them and Addy runs down the hall so she can be the first one back at the table. She's such a weird kid sometimes. When we're all seated we start eating and the conversation is very light and nice now that we're not at each other's throats. Then Buffy does something I kinda of wish she wouldn't. She picks up her glass of water and holds it in the air and looks at my dad and Brittany. And here we go. "I'd just like to say congratulations." Then she looks at Brittany and gets a little devilish smile on her face. "And to you, the best of luck with the pregnancy." Now Brittany looks a little uncomfortable. "Seriously, Brittany, you're going to need all the luck you can get." With that said we all click our glasses together, even the kids join in on it. Then I notice the little look on Addy's face and I roll my eyes. It's a mixture of curiosity and confusion, which means she's going to ask a question.

"If you are going to marry my grampa," she says and points her fork at Brittany. The carrot on the end of it does nothing but add a little more humor to the situation. "Does that mean my Mama has to call you Mommy?" My eyes go big at the thought of doing that. Everyone is quiet and a little tense while we think about her question. But it only lasts for a few seconds because then we all start crackin up laughing. Even Joey is laughing, but he's only doing it because the rest of us are. All except for Addy who looks even more confused. "What? I'm serious. Does she have to call you Mommy?" Brittany calms down enough to answer her, but there's mischief in her eyes and it's freaking me out a little bit.

"No, she doesn't have to call me Mommy." She goes to take another drink of her milk but then stops at the last second and looks into my eyes. "Mom will do just fine." Then she winks at me with those long eyelashes of hers and I shake my head a little bit. I can't tell if we're going to have fun because we're both witty or if we're going to clash because we're both sarcastic. I just hope we get along. I mean, I'm probably not going to like her most of the time. I'll probably always be jealous of her but I'm sure I can set that aside when I have to. Like my dad said, he knows I can't be happy for them right away, but I can at least be civil. My Irish blood is screaming out that I punch the bitch, but I'm going to resist that urge. But if me and my dad are watching a Red Sox game together and she tries to turn the channel the gloves are coming off. You just don't come between a Bostonian and the Red Sox. That's like trying to separate a pissed off grizzly from her cubs. Someone's going to get hurt.

BPOV

1"And can you believe the way she was talking to me at the end of dinner?" Faith says in a bitchy tone. I'm at the vanity desk combing my hair and she's laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling complaining about Brittany. I have to admit it was a big shock, and she didn't deal with it well at all. But then I thought she got over it. She was even verbally sparring with Brittany and they kept it civil. She does have some wit on her which is nice to see in a fellow blonde. But as soon as we got in the car she started bitching about every little thing Brittany did that apparently annoyed her. If she was annoyed then she played it off very well at the time 'cause she certainly wasn't acting like it. I was kind of hoping that Faith would accept Brittany by the end of dinner, but I guess that was too much to hope for.

"You mean when she asked you to pass the carrots? Or when she said she likes your shirt and asked you where you bought it?" That's my shirt by the way. Faith's gotten into this new thing of wearing my clothes when the ones she really wants to wear are dirty. She did a load of laundry today, I don't understand why she couldn't have thrown her clothes in with the others. She's lazy like that. She doesn't do more then the bare minimum when it comes to doing chores. It's really annoying, especially when I have to go back and do it again because she didn't do it right the first time. Anyway, she makes this little irritated noise that I used to make at my mom whenever she didn't understand something. Wow, was I really that annoying when I was a teenager? On second thought, please don't answer that.

"It's not what she said, it's the way she said it." Friendly? Polite? I'm sure she isn't thinking any of those words so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut. When I finish combing my hair I start braiding it into pigtails, 'cause why not? "It's like she thinks she's better then me or something. She's only four years younger then me. And that's so fuckin weird. Her and Dawn are the same age. You probably wouldn't be so cool about this if he was dating your sister." Ok she just had to go there didn't she? I turn around and give her a stern look that says 'you're walking in landmine territory, please watch your step' but she isn't looking. So I'm going to have to verbalize just how fuckin weird that would be.

"No I wouldn't be ok with it. My sister marrying your dad would make her my mother-in-law, and the baby would be my nephew or niece and my brother or sister in-law. So if that were to ever happen we'd be forced to move to Alabama and start a bluegrass band." She props herself up on her elbows and gives me this 'what the fuck is wrong with you?' kind of look but I ignore it. Now that I've made my point I turn back around and keep braiding my hair. Man I hope she gets off this subject soon. It's getting irritating. I kind of hope that Brittany has a little girl. Then we'd finally be able to get rid of Addison's old baby stuff. We have gotten around to getting rid of it. It's just up in the attic collecting dust.

"She's just so irritating. Does she have to be so perfect? Not only can she be a fuckin trophy wife if she wanted, but she's in the top of every class she's taking. She's probably going to get valedictorian or whatever, and she can cook!" I have to admit that does sound pretty perfect. But I'm sure she has faults just like everybody else. Like falling for someone who's old enough to be her dad. Ok, so I'm not as 'cool with it' as Faith said. There is a wiggins factor, but I'll get over it. She's been through a lot in her life, and she had to grow up pretty fast, at least that's what she said. She said that she did the whole 'college party scene' for a while and it just wasn't her thing. She wants to settle down, and have a career and be a mom and a wife. If that's what she really wants then the more power to her, but I think it would be a little easier if she did it one at a time then all at once.

"And did you see her teeth? They're so fuckin white I was afraid to look directly at her in case some light reflected off of them and blinded me." Now she's just being ridiculous. There's only one thing that's going to get her mind off of this, and as her wife I think it's my responsibility to make it happen. Being obsessive about this isn't healthy for anybody. That and it's just getting really annoying. So I ignore whatever it is she's saying while I finish the other braid. When that's done I get up and walk to the foot of the bed. I sit down then slowly crawl towards her. She keeps talking but I ignore her. I stop when I reach her neck. I gently suck on her pulse point, and press my thigh between her legs. I slowly grind my body against hers but my efforts go unnoticed. I take in a deep breath before I get frustrated and keep up what I'm doing.

"And who uses garlic seasoning on their chicken? That's just gross. She may like having her breath that can repel a vampire, but that doesn't mean the rest of us do." I up the ante a little bit. I open up my robe and then pull up her shirt so our stomachs are pressed together. But again she doesn't notice. "Why couldn't she have found someone else's dad to marry? She lives about half an hour from Vegas I'm sure there are plenty of divorced single dads she can pick from." I roll my eyes and gently scrape my teeth against her skin. I feel her shiver a little bit and she finally shuts her mouth. I pull away from her neck so I can look up at her. She looks down at me with a confused look on her face. Yeah, 'cause that makes me feel sexy. I slow down the grinding and stop moaning but she still looks a little confused. "B, what are you doing?" I try to stay calm but point it's impossible. It seems I've done nothing but get myself all hot and bothered.

"Trying to have sex. You wanna jump in any time soon or am I going to do this all by myself?" I sound irritated and a little pissed and she just smiles. I hate it when she smiles when I'm mad. That's just as bad as telling a girl she's cute when she's angry. Doesn't that just piss you off? She pulls me up by my arms and kisses me. I start grinding against her a little harder and I'm just getting more and more worked up. Maybe tonight we will try out that spell. We end the kiss when we need to breath, but our lips don't stop touching. We're panting hot breath against each other and it feels a little weird, but that's ok. I'm too worked up to care. I kiss her again, gently massaging my tongue against hers and I swirl it at the roof of her mouth just how she likes it. But then her tongue stops moving, and she pulls back from the kiss and looks into my eyes while panting heavily.

"And did you see the way she manipulated him with that pout? I don't think I've ever seen someone as controlling a her." OH MY GOD!!!! I bite back a scream, and sit up and get off of her. I close my robe and tie the sash extra tight. I grab my pillow and smack her on the face with it and just leave it there. I can't believe her. I was practically dry humping her like a dog and she still wants to talk about her dad's fiancé? I get off the bed and head for the door. She doesn't say anything because she knows better at this point then to antagonize anything. And hearing her voice would definitely antagonize me. Right now her words be like poking a mother grizzle bear with a sharp stick and threatening her young. And that's something you just don't do. Not if you're sane anyway, and Faith is proving her sanity by keeping quiet.

"You suck!" I yell back as I leave the room. I walk out to the kitchen and sit down at the table and just brood. This fucking sucks. I knew Faith was going to be pissed off about this, but I really didn't think she'd be too distracted to have sex. I mean, we're talking about Faith here. The top two ways to get her to shut up about something is A: give her sex. Or B: give her piece of chocolate cake. Faith really loves cake, especially chocolate. I don't want to just sit here, but I don't want to go back in the bedroom. If I do she'll probably just start complaining about Brittany again. So I go out to the patio. Well, more specifically I go over to the Jacuzzi that we got over the summer. This thing is awesome. I'm so glad Faith talked me into getting it. I won't be getting a new car any time soon, but my Corolla is still holding up just fine for now.

Anyway, I put it on the medium setting and it comes to life. The little lights turn on, and the jets start going and I smile a little bit. I take off my robe and slowly climb in. As soon as the warm water hits my skin I feel a little better. I sit in one of the corners and just let the jets work their magic. I rest my arms across the cool surface and look up at the night sky. It's been a long time since I've just looked up at the stars. I forgot how relaxing it can be. Well, that and I am in a hot tub, so the relaxation is mostly from the warm water pumping against my skin and massaging my muscles. I close my eyes and just concentrate on the sound of the bubbles and the feel of the water jets and I'm starting to doze off, but then I hear the door open, and I have a mini-panic attack. It could be Matthew coming out here to see what I'm doing, and I'm completely nude. But when I open my eyes and look over at the doorway I see it's just Faith, wearing her bikini and looking a little sheepish.

"Baby, I'm sorry about earlier," she says and takes a couple steps forward. She knows she needs to be careful 'cause I'm still mad at her. She sets her towel down on the table and walks up to the edge of the tub. She's standing across from me and looking at me with a small apologetic smile that's showing plenty of dimple. Well, her dimples aren't going to get her out of this one. I was practically begging to be taken and she rejected it, and now I'm feeling insecure. She slowly climbs into the tub and sits directly across from me. "Buffy, please forgive me." She's using my full name, that's good. It means she's taking this serious. "I know you have every right to be mad, what I did was fucked up, but I didn't mean to. This whole thing with my dad completely blinded me and I'm still trying to get my feet on something solid." She slowly slides her way around the perimeter of the tub until she's sitting about a foot away from me.

"Come on, babe, let me make it up to you," she practically purrs and scoots closer to me. She starts lightly kissing my neck and my body reacts to it. My clit twitches a little bit and it makes my hips jump a little. My nipples harden and are begging for attention. I am going to have sex with her, but I want her to really work for it. So I pull away and give her a stern look. I turn away from her a little and brood some more. She slowly wraps her arms around me from behind and kisses my neck right behind my ear. "Baby, don't fight it." She gently nips my earlobe and it sends a little electric jolt down to my throbbing clit. She moves her hands from my stomach to my breasts. She slowly massages them, and gently pinches my nipples. She starts kissing my neck at the same time and I can't help but moan.

I hear her chuckle a little bit but I ignore it. I press my body against hers and arch my back so her hands are cupping my breasts a little tighter. I can feel her hard nipples through the material of her bikini top. She starts sucking on my earlobe again and I start moaning a little louder. I reach behind me and run my fingers through her hair, and gently tug on it. She loves it when I do that. Her right hand leaves my breast and she slowly makes her way down to my stomach. She uses it to pull me a little closer to her. I feel her adjust beneath me, she spreads her legs wider so I have more room to spread mine. My face and neck feel like they're on fire. Not only from the heat coming from my body but the heat rising from the water and grazing my skin. It feels like I'm in a sauna. My hips jump a little when I feel Faith's hand slowly make its way to my wanting pussy. She tease my entrance with two fingers.

"Don't you dare tease me, Faith Lehane," I grunt out as she pinches my nipple. I guess she's taking my warming seriously, which is a very good thing. About three seconds after I say that she enters me, and I let out one long moan. At first her fingers don't move, they just stay buried deep inside me, but now she's slowly thrusting in and out of me. My hips immediately go along with the rhythm that Faith has set for us. I feel her shift her fingers a little bit inside of me so that every time she enters me she rubs against my g-spot. I moan deeply in the back of my throat, and my head falls against her shoulder. "Yeah, baby, do it like that. Oh God, you're gonna make me come." She's being quiet which is weird, but I really can't force myself to care right now.

I feel her lick my neck, right over the scar I have from the time Angel fed from me. I shiver a little bit and she keeps licking, like an animal lapping up water. I arch my neck towards her mouth and I feel her teeth gently graze my burning flesh. I whimper and she takes that as a sign to do more, which is exactly what I want. She bites down, hard. I yell out in a little bit of pain, but mostly pleasure as I come. I'm thrown into a world of brightly colored stars and everything around me fades away. It's like I've gone deaf, and blind but I can't force myself to care because I feel too good right now. Then I start to fade back to reality. The sound comes back first. I can hear the water bubbling around me, and the soft sucking sounds of Faith giving me a hickie, and my very labored breathing.

"Told you I'd make it up to you," Faith whispers into my ear. She doesn't sound as breathless as before. "You were out for a good five minutes." I actually passed out? That's pretty rare. I hardly ever do that. "I told you getting this hot tub was a good idea." I roll my eyes a little bit 'cause she's gloating. I yawn and nuzzle her neck a little bit. I close my eyes and she sigh a little. "Wanna go to bed now?" I shake my head no and leave a little kiss on her neck. I feel her lift me up and set me down on the hard Jacuzzi seat. I open my eyes and give her a weird look. "It's cold as fuck out here, B. We need to get back inside before we catch our death. And don't even say it." I was going to say something about me already being dead and didn't stick so we don't have anything to worry about. She hates it when I say stuff like that.

"Fine. I am pretty tired. You sure you don't want me to scratch your itch? You've gotta be wicked horny." I smile a little bit and she sends a glare my way. She hates it when I use the word wicked. Apparently you're not allowed to say it unless you're from the east coast. Otherwise you have no business using 'their word'. How lame is that? "I didn't mean anything by it so stop with the glaring." I yawn again and she helps me out of the Jacuzzi and turns it off. I shiver when the freezing air hits my hot skin. "You're right it is freezing out here. We should check on the kids." I put my robe on and we go back in the house. Faith turns off all the lights while I check on our babies. Matthew's forehead feels a little warmer then normal, but he's under like seven blankets so that's probably the reason. Other then that all three of them are fine just like I knew they would be, but it's nice to double check just to make sure.

"I'm sorry I was being a bitch earlier," I whisper to Faith after we get all nice and settled under the covers. She goes to say something but I interrupt her. "No, babe, really. I should be more understanding. I freaked when my mom said she was getting engaged to Ted. Ask Angel, I was just as obsessive about it as you were being about Brittany." She smiles a little bit and gives me a little kiss on the lips. I cuddle up to her and she gently rubs my back and I practically purr at the feeling. Ya know, it's the end of December, May will be here in five months. I don't know if we're going to do anything super special for our second anniversary. We might just spend the weekend in Vegas like we did for the first one. It doesn't really matter to me. All that matters is that I'm married to the love of my life. I think that qualifies as a blessing, and I'm loving every second of it.

FPOV

It's been a week since my dad made his announcement. I've calmed down a lot, but I'm still kinda pissed about it. I've gone over to his place to spend time with im but Brittany is always there, and it's really fuckin awkward. As soon as Christmas break is over and she goes back to school she won't be there as much, but until it ends she's trying to spend as much time with my dad as possible. I guess that makes since. They are engaged after all, but it bugs the hell outta me. I mean, she can't go back to her apartment for an hour or two so I can spend some time with my dad? That's just selfish. I'm being civil like he asked so I haven't said anything, but if she doesn't stop hovering around us whenever I'm there I won't be able to keep my mouth shut, and some bad shit will go down. And tonight we're having them over for dinner. It was all Buffy's idea. I tried to talk her out of it, but when makes her up mind about something there is no changing it.

"We need to go grocery shopping," Buffy says and I roll my eyes. Why is she talking about that stuff right now? "Don't roll your eyes at me." She punches the pad I'm holding harder then she has been and that actually hurt. But I bite it back and she keeps up with the work out. We're getting back into shape 'cause we're going to take a trip to the slayer school in March and we want to be at our best. I think we're going to start doing it every year. We need to get more involved with the slayers and make sure that they get the right information, and the right kind of training. "We need to call Willow, see if she found anything out." She's right we do need to do that. She said she'd call if she found anything but we're getting impatient.

About three nights ago Red came over after the kids had gone to bed. She went into Addy's room and waited until she was dreaming and then did some witchy thing and went inside her mind. I guess what she saw scared the crap out of her. And it wasn't just what she saw but what she felt. She said she felt a lot of fear, and pain, and just a general uneasiness. She's sure that the dreams aren't just dreams, but she has no idea what they are. She said that there's no signature so they're not from the PTB, or some demon trying to fuck with my baby. What she saw was a man, roughly in his thirties with brown hair, bright blue eyes, and a ruggedly handsome face. Apparently he was in pretty good shape too. He was out in the woods, at night but she said she could see everything, almost like she had night vision or something. And she saw this guy strangle a teenage girl to death, cut her open from throat to abdomen, take out all the organs then bury the body.

The dream ended, Red went out of Addy's mind and booked it to the bathroom and puked her guts out. Addy woke up a couple seconds after and was sobbing her eyes out, and screaming. She ran out of her bedroom and jumped into Buffy's arms. She had wet the bed in her sleep, but Buffy didn't really care. She held our little girl for three hours until finally cried herself to sleep. We stripped her down and washed her up a little bit and put her in some clean clothes. We put her in our bed, and sat down at the kitchen table and Red told us all about it. Everything she saw Addy saw too. She even sketched out what the guy looked like so I now have a picture of the 'bad man'. When Addy woke up at six that morning we were all still in the kitchen talking. She crawled into Buffy's lap and looked at the sketch and she started crying, and shaking she was so fuckin scared. Willow said if she couldn't find anything out by tonight then she's going to come over and try it again.

And Addy's really fuckin embarrassed now doesn't want to go to bed anymore because she has to wear a diaper. The bed wetting isn't going to stop until the dreams do. I don't know a lot about psychology but I know that bed wetting can be caused by emotional problems. Red knows that Addy went through everything she did when she watched the dream, so Addy felt that same fear, and pain and that's most likely why she's wetting the bed. So until the dreams stop we're gonna have her wear a diaper to bed so when she wakes up there won't be a big mess. I feel like shit because I can't make this stop. Willow tried putting up a magical block around the room in case someone is messing with her mind and found a way to stay hidden, but apparently not 'cause it doesn't work. Addy's had a nightmare every night since Red put the block up. And no one can get around Red's magic. It's way too powerful.

"I need a break," B says and gives my left hand one more strong punch. She picks her towel up off the couch and wipes the sweat off her face and neck. We have been going at it for a long time now. I'm in way better shape then she is, but it isn't her fault. At least not entirely. When she got pregnant with Joey she couldn't work out as much, and then she had to stop all together 'cause of the bed rest. After he was born she was too busy breastfeeding and didn't have time. It is hard to find time to work out everyday 'cause we have kids and other responsibilities. I would come out here and beat up the punching bag while she watched the kids, and did some housework. Slaying is something that we were born to do. It's a calling, not a job so we can't completely quit even if we wanted to. But she does want to retire for good. We patrol and we slay vampires still, but not as much as we used to.

I take the punching pads off my hands and toss 'em to the corner of the room. Then I unwrap my hands and sit down next to B. This training thing probably wasn't a good idea today. I woke up feeling a little horny, and it's just getting worst. Seeing her all sweaty and flushed is getting me all sorts of hot and bothered. But I'm going to ignore it 'cause we have more important things to worry about then my libido. Like, how am I going to be nice to Brittany the entire time she's here? I want to get along with her and I think I'm forcing it a little too much. I'm trying so hard to be nice that I can't relax around her 'cause I'm afraid I'm gonna say somethin rude. Hmmm, I guess as long as I pull it out at dinner B won't get her feathers ruffled if open up a bottle of wine. Then we can all be a little more relaxed. Well, everyone except Brittany. If she wants to fuck up that baby by drinking it definitely won't be at my house.

"Do you think Willow found anything?" B asks and all I can do is shrug my shoulders. She's only asking because she's nervous. She knows that I don't know if Red found something, and she knows if Willow found something she would have called us by now. "It's so much worst then I thought it was gonna be." Yeah, it was. We knew that Addy was seein some fucked up shit, but no little kid can describe exactly what she saw, they just don't know how to word it. So when Red told us what our baby saw it was like a knife to the heart. And that's only that one dream. Addy's kind of described things like it before, but we never really knew what she was trying to tell us. We never thought her dreams could be that graphic. She's only four, and she's been having these dreams since she turned three. I don't' even want to imagine what other fucked up shit she's been seeing. I want to know, but at the same time I don't.

"I hope she finds somethin soon, 'cause this shit has gotta stop," I say and stand up. Now that we're talking about it I'm getting pissed. I wrap my hands back up and start working on beating the shit outta the punching bag. That's what it's there for, so why not? I need to get this anger out before it drives me crazy. I don't know if it's going to help at all. I mean, the anger might go away but this helpless feeling hasn't left since way before Willow told us what our baby is seeing in her sleep. A four-year-old shouldn't be dreaming about that shit. She should be dreaming of ponies and mountains of ice cream, or whatever it is four-year-olds usually dream about. She shouldn't be dreaming about a man murdering and mutilating somebody. And she didn't just see it, she felt it. She felt the pain, and the fear that the victim was feeling. She's just a baby, she shouldn't have to see or feel that shit! I punch the bag so fuckin hard I think I just broke my hand.

"Fuck," I whisper and pull my hand back from the bag. I flex my fingers a little and that hurts like a bitch. I shake my hand a little, I guess I'm trying to shake off the pain as dumb as that sounds. Buffy rushes over to me and fusses over my hand. I guess she needs something to distract herself from whatever was goin through her mind. So I let her fuss over me. She leads me over to the couch and I sit down. "It's ok, I just got a carried away." She doesn't look too convinced. She unwraps my hand and the knuckles are purple and swollen. She gives me this look that means 'this is your definition of ok?' I know because she used to ask me that all the time whenever we'd spar and she'd whop my ass. I can already feel my slayer healing takin care of it. A little ice and some Tylenol will make it all better. Buffy gently pulls my hand closer to her and gives every one of my knuckles a little kiss. I can't stop myself from wincing a little.

"Ah, poor baby. Does the booboo hurt really bad?" she teases me a little. Then she gets a devilish smile on her face. "I know what will make you feel better." Before I can even ask what's running through her mind she's on her knees and pulling on my shorts. I don't try to stop her or talk her out of it or whatever. 'Cause she's right, this will make me feel better. At least until it's over. I lift my hips to help her out and she slides my shorts around my ankles. Then she grabs me by my hips and pulls me closer to the edge of the couch. I spread my legs as best I can and she doesn't wait before she just dives right in. She uses her thumbs to spread my pussy lips and she latches onto my clit and starts sucking hard. I moan and push down on her mouth. My head rolls back against the couch and I stare up at the ceiling. My hands go to her hair and I start tugging on it before I hold onto the back of her head so she can't pull away.

"How do you always taste so good?" she mumbles against me, and I try so fuckin hard not to squeak but it happens anyway. The vibrations from her talkin felt so fuckin good. It doesn't take her long to send me to happy land and she rubs my g-spot with two fingers to keep me there as long as possible. When I finally fade back to reality and out of the land of 'can this get any better?' she slides up my body and sits in my lap. She starts kissing me and I can taste myself on her lips, and tongue. I can't hold back the moan when she slowly sucks on my upper lip, and then the bottom. I gently knead one of her breasts while I wrap my other arm around her back, and gently massage her spine. I brush my thumb over her hard nipple and she moans against my mouth. Then I trail my hand down her body and try to unzip her shorts but she grabs my wrist and pulls back from the kiss.

"No baby," she whispers against my mouth. "I just want to kiss you." I would rather do more but she said no, so there's nothing I can do about it. She kisses me deeply and our tongues battle slowly, but firmly. Two things happen when we hear the door to the shed open. The first thing is that Buffy jumps off my lap so fast that I kiss the air for a couple seconds before I realize she's gone. Yeah, how's that for comedy? Sounds pretty funny to me. The second thing is that now that B isn't on my lap and keeping it warm, I realize that my shorts are still around my ankles. Mmm, how am I going to explain this one? Well, depends on who it is. If it's Red I might make a show of pullin 'em back up. If it's one of the kids, or my dad I might die from embarrassment. Luckily B notices my little predicament and blocks me from view of whoever is at the door. I reach down and grab onto my shorts so I'll pull 'em up at the same time I stand up.

"Kim, what are you doing here?" B asks in a nervous voice and starts wiping her hands off on her shorts but she's trying not to be obvious about it. The tall, very hot blonde just gives her a funny look. I take this as my cue to leave, and I check out that hot, apple bottom as I walk out the door. I know we're never going to, but if me and B ever do get divorced then I'd totally sleep with Kim as a rebound fuck. I try not to be too obvious about it in front of B 'cause she gets a little jealous. She knows I've wanted to fuck that trophy wife since the day I met her. But she knows that I'm human and as a human I'm going to get dirty thoughts about other people. I control my anger when B flirts with the mailman. Yeah, how fuckin cliché is that? At least she doesn't have a thing for the pool guy or I'd never stop teasing her.

I go into the house and hop in the shower. It does a little good, but not enough. It washes off the sweat and gets me all squeaky clean, but it doesn't do anything to make me feel physically better like a long, hot shower usually can. I get out and wrap a towel around my hair and slip on one of Buffy's bathrobes. Until a couple years ago I used to be able to walk around the house naked, but then Mattie hit that age when seeing one of your parents naked can leave heavy psychological scars. When I walk into my bedroom to get dressed I stop dead when I see what's happening in the corner of the room. Joey is awake now, and he's standing up in the crib and holding onto the rim so he won't fall down. Nothing strange about that 'cause he does it all the time. I'm sure there are a lot of little kids that do it.

The thing that made me stop, is the fact that he has one leg sticking out between the bars, and Tucker is licking the bottom of his foot. It would be kind of cute if Joey was laughing, but he's not. He's just standing there, watching the dog lick between his little toes. This one definitely takes after Buffy. I just shake my head a little. He looks over at me when he hears the door close, and he gets a little smile on his face. But it goes away after a couple seconds, and he goes back to watching Tucker. I'm just glad I'm the one who walked in on it 'cause Buffy would've thrown a fit. Yelling and sayin how disgusting my dog is and how we should make him stay outside. Then I'd argue that Joey didn't exactly stop the dog from lickin his foot, and he was stickin his leg out the side of the crib to let him do it. And then she'd say that Joey is just a baby and he doesn't know any better. And then I'd say that Tucker is just a dog and he doesn't know any better, and I'd probably end up sleeping on the couch tonight.

I sit down on the edge of the bed and towel dry my hair. When that's done, I comb it out and get dressed. I change into some jean cut offs, a pair of flip-flops, the only white bra I own, and a white tank top. I don't really feel like wearing panties right now. I sit down at the vanity and do my make up. Since we're not goin anywhere I keep it light. A little foundation, some light eyeshadow, the 'sunbeam tan' lipstick and I'm done. I don't bother with the eyeliner or mascara. I don't really feel like putting on a lot of shit when all we're doing is staying at home. I wouldn't have put anything on in the first place but we're gonna be having company in a couple hours so I might as well try to look decent. I stand up and smile at my little boy. His foot his back in the crib, but now he's holding out his right hand and letting Tucker lick his fingers.

"Come here, you little weirdo," I tell him in a light, sing-song voice and he smiles again. I pick him up and he whines a little 'cause Tucker can't reach his fingers from up here. I lay him down on the bed and he instantly sits up and holds his hands out for Tucker, and he starts licking both of them. I swear, those two are the strangest creatures I have ever seen. I change Joey's diaper and then get him dressed. I put him in some light blue shorts, and his light green shirt with the little teddy bears playing basket ball. I sit him the bed and he just looks up at me and starts smiling. I feel all that tension I was holding in start to melt away. "At least you can make me feel better. I'm gonna a lot more of that, so just keep doin what you're doin, ok?" He gives me this look like 'you can count on me, Mama'.

I take him into the living room and put him in the living room. See, me and B are taking business classes at the community college. She takes the one during the day and I take the one at night. And it's really hard to study when you have a ten-month-old getting into everything, so we blocked the living room off with baby gates so he can't leave it without someone picking him up. This way it frees us up a little and we don't have to worry about him getting into something that can hurt him. I toss a few toys in there with him so he won't get bored, and I go into the kitchen. I glance out the window and see B and Blondie sitting at the patio table, talking and B looks a lot more relaxed then she has the last couple days. I smile a little bit, but I feel sad at the same time because I'm not the one who's helping her relax. I try to ignore the bad thoughts and start preparing the dinner. I just can't wait for Brittany to get here. And yes that was sarcastic.

BPOV

The dinner with Chris and Brittany ended a couple hours ago. They didn't stick around too long after. She's been feeling sick lately because of the morning sickness, and she's tired. So Chris took her home and Faith spent an hour complaining about it. She acted like a spoiled two-year-old the entire time they were here. The entire dinner was practically a competition between those two on who could hold Chris' attention the longest. I'm pretty sure Brittany won because every time Faith had his attention for more then five minutes she'd wince or moan and then hold her stomach, and Chris would immediately react. Faith got so pissed off I thought she was going to throw the bowl of salad right at Brittany's head. I'm sure things will calm down when Christmas break ends and she goes back to school. She hasn't been going to work as much because her boss is still sick. Wanna guess her who boss is? Go ahead, I'll wait. Can't guess? Well then I'll tell you. It's Dawn. Kinda weird, isn't it?

Anyway, on to more important things. When Willow came over a couple nights ago she found a safe way to go inside Addison's mind. She had to be very careful about it because she was doing magic on a brain that isn't fully developed yet. She could have caused brain damage, made Addison go brain dead, or she could have killed her. But she found a way around all of that and went inside my baby girl's mind while she was having a dream. The things she saw…I don't want to repeat them because they're horrible, but I'm sure Faith will tell you if she hasn't already. It makes me sick knowing that my little angel is seeing all of that crap when she shouldn't have to. She should be dreaming about unicorns and fields of chocolate as far as the eye can see, or whatever it is four-year-old girls normally dream about. Not horrible, ugly death.

She took all the information she had back to her hotel room and made some phone calls and started researching. I offered to help but Sky is there with her and she helped her out. Willow even put up a magical shield around Addison's room, kind of like a magical dead zone. No magic will work in it, and no magic can get in it. But it didn't work. Whatever is causing the dreams it isn't someone doing it with the dark arts so they can hurt my baby for whatever reason. She's the daughter of the two most legendary slayers ever so that might be motive for some creatures. Willow swore on all the gods and goddesses that no magic can enter that room and I believe her. She's powerful enough to make that happen. So now the question is what the fuck is doing this to my baby? Why is she having these horrible, bloody dreams?

The dreams haven't been worst since she was here. I figured they would either go away, or get a lot more violent but they're about the same. Which isn't saying much. Addison still wets the bed and wakes up crying every night. Now when she goes to bed we have her wear a diaper. She fights bedtime, and we feel horrible for having her wear it but this way is a lot more sanitary. She isn't going to stop wetting the bed until the dreams go away. I know enough about psychology to know that bed wetting can be caused by emotional stress. She never really wet the bed before. Once or twice when she stopped wearing diapers all together, but that was it. Now it's a nightly occurrence, and it wouldn't be so bad, but she gets so upset about it. Like after Willow did the spell and left Addison's mind, she woke up a minute or two after the dream stopped and she almost didn't leave the bed or let us comfort her because she didn't want Willow to see that she had peed.

"I already took down the magic-be-gone around her room so now all I have to do is wait for her to go to sleep," she says and sits down next to me at the table. She didn't find anything out of what's causing the dreams or who that man is. He could be a demon in a human guise, but she didn't find any demon with his M.O. So she's going to go back into Addison's mind and see what she dreams. It's kind of tricky because she has to go in after the dream starts or her presence in Addison's mind could block the dream. So we have to keep an eye on Addison and when she goes into the REM stage of sleep then Willow will go in and see what's going on. We've been waiting for two hours and nothing. Maybe tonight she'll finally get some peace. I want this figured out as much as anyone, but I want my baby to have at least one night when she doesn't see something horrible and wake up terrified.

"Thank you for doing this, Willow. I know this probably isn't how you like spending your nights." I give her a little smile that she returns and I put my head down on the table. I'm so tired. Not just from being up almost every night this week, but from all the emotional hurt this is causing me. I feel so drained and it sucks because I know I can't rest. I have three kids, a wife, and a house to take care of. Not to mention a dog and an annoying little puppy. "Have you two made any wedding plans yet?" She gets that little grin on lips where her tongue kinda sticks out between her teeth. That one always makes me smile. She does into the little plans that they have made. It's going to be a summer wedding, white daisies for the flowers, and they're both going to wear dresses. But that's it. They haven't set a date, and they don't really know what else they're going to do.

"Alright Red, she's REMing," Faith says as she walks into the room. We get up and the three of us walk down the hall. Willow tells us to wait out in the hall and then she goes inside the room and shuts the door. We have to stay out because our presence might wake Addison up. I kind of hug myself and I feel so useless. I'm her mother, I'm supposed to be the one to make everything better. Faith wraps her arms around me from behind and rests her chin on my shoulder. "If anyone can figure this out, it's Red. Just give her some time, she'll find a way to stop it." I turn my head a little so I'm nuzzling her neck. Her neck is my favorite hiding place, and right now I need to hide. I need a little break from this horrible reality, even if it's only for a few minutes. Once I saw a guy on TV who was wearing a shirt that said 'I reject your reality and substitute my own.' I really wish I could do that.

"I know. I just wish it wouldn't take so long. That's our baby girl, Faith, and she's suffering." She makes a noise that sounds like she's trying not to cry. And knowing her that's probably exactly what it was. She tries to act like a total bad ass still, but when it comes to the kids she's mushy. Especially when it comes to our little girl. Like when Addison came home from the hospital after the brain tumor was taken out. Everyone expected me to freak out and be all overprotective because of what happened to my mom, but Faith was the one who didn't really let Addison do anything. She worried nonstop, and was so nervous at the follow up appointments I thought she was going to have a panic attack. But I understand it completely. I was extra cautious with her for a while too, I just handled it better then Faith did.

I look down at my watch and sigh. Willow's been in there for fifteen minutes now. Last time it took almost forty-five minutes and I almost went crazy with worry. I don't think I can wait that long. I want to know what's going on. I want to know what they're seeing tonight. Will this dream be as bad as the last one? I really hope not. I lean against Faith's body a little more and allow her to comfort me. I'm a little surprised that I'm letting her touch me at all. Normally in stressful situations I don't like being touched because it makes me feel boxed in. But her touch is something I want right now. I turn my head against and hide my face in her neck. I take a whiff of her hair and smell her shampoo and it sends little tingles down my spine. She uses the exact same shampoo now that she did when we first started dating. I've always associated the smell with the first time we made love.

Not even thinking about that is going to take my mind off of what's going on right now. But I can try. I can reject what's going on and think about something else. I don't want to accept the fact that there might be nothing we can do. Willow said that the PTB have nothing to do with it, and she can't find a magical reason for why it's happening. There might be no reason. These could just be some weird psychological problem that doesn't have a quick fix. No quick fix means that she's going to be seeing more of what she's been seeing. I can't accept that, there has to be a way to help her. Even if it takes a long time. I can't even think that she's going to be seeing stuff like this for the rest of her life. Her life isn't going to be easy or normal as it is, and it isn't fair that she has to deal with this now. But she's young enough that she'll forget everything that she sees. If it keeps happening when she's a little older it could screw her up.

I look up when the door opens and Willow comes running out of there and heads straight for the bathroom. The sounds of her getting sick can be heard and Faith goes to check on her while I go into Addison's room and wait for her to wake up. The smell of urine is heavy in the air and my eyes water up at the sight of her. She's still asleep, but she's whimpering, and moving around a little. She's sweating really bad, and she's grabbing at her stomach as if she's in pain. I sit down on the edge of the bed and try to wake her up. I gently shake her shoulder, and repeat her name over and over again, but she won't wake up. It's like she's stuck in whatever horrible nightmare she's having. The tears that were welling in my eyes are falling freely down my cheeks. I can't make them stop, but I'm not really trying either. Why can't she wake up? What's wrong with my baby? The whimpering and shaking stops, and she slowly opens her eyes and as soon as she sees me she starts sobbing her eyes out.

"It's alright, sweetheart. Come here," I tell her in a soft voice and hold my arms out. She throws the covers off herself and climbs into my lap. She buries her face in my neck and just cries. I can feel how tired her little body is. She hasn't gotten a good night's sleep in a long time, and I have a feeling she isn't going to be getting one any time soon. "It's ok, angel girl, Mommy's got you." I gently stroke the back of her head and pull her tiny body closer to me. She wraps her arms around me and squeezes tightly. Damn, my little girl is getting strong. I'm having a little trouble breathing. "You're ok, now. Nobody's going to hurt you. You're safe, sweetheart." I give her a little kiss on the temple and she slowly starts to calm down. She just leans against me, sniffling and coughing every once in a while. I wish I could do something to make this better. I wish I could give my kids a normal life.

I take her into the master bathroom since Willow is still using the other one. I have her blow her nose, and I gently wipe her eyes with some tissue. Poor little girl has a bunch of different fluids leaking from her face, and it's pretty gross. After she blows her nose I get a washcloth and get it wet with warm water, and gently wipe off her face and neck. She's still hiccupping every once in a while, and her eyes are really puffy, and her nose is really red but she isn't crying anymore so that's a plus. I wet the cloth again, and carefully take off her nightdress and give her a little sponge bath. She was sweating pretty bad, so this should make her feel a little better. When we finish up in the bathroom I take her into my bedroom and put her in a fresh diaper. I know it embarrasses her, and she hates wearing them, but I'd rather be safe then sorry at this point.

I put her back in her own bed and give her a kiss goodnight. She doesn't fight to stay with me like I thought she was going to. I guess she's too tired. I tell her I love her and she drifts off to sleep. I sigh a little, sad sigh and leave the room. I stand in the hallway for a few seconds with my head down, my eyes closed, and I'm lightly pinching the bride of my nose. I'm trying so hard to keep it together but my nerves are so raw and worn at this point I could honestly use a good cry just to get all these feelings out. That, and figuring out what the hell is going on so I can stop it will make me feel so much better. I take a deep breath and reinforce my emotional walls some more, and then make my way into the bathroom. Willow's still brushing her teeth with one of the many extra toothbrushes we have. I wait in contemplative silence until she's finished and then we go into the kitchen for the explanation.

"It was different this time. It was almost the same, but it was different," she says in a shaky voice and runs a hand through her sweaty hair. I get up and make her some tea, while Faith makes us some coffee. Willow knows we're listening so she keeps going. "Last time I said it was in the woods, but I think I'm wrong. I just assumed because there were trees, and bushes and stuff in the background, and the man buried the girl. But he could have been in a park, or someone's backyard." That's really creepy to think about. "This time he was in a warehouse, I think. Or maybe an old factory. There was another girl there. She fought back, but he won. He strangled her to death like last time. When she was dead…." She starts crying a little bit but takes a minute or two to calm herself down.

"When she was dead he took off all her clothes, and cut her open just like the last girl." I try not to shudder but it's difficult. "There was so much blood. I don't think I've ever seen so much blood before." When the water's done boiling I pour it into a cup and then get the tea out of the cupboard and dip it into the water. "He took out all of her organs, like last time. He put them in this big jar." Ok, biting back vomit at this point. "I couldn't get a good look at her face no matter how hard I tried. She was blurry from the neck up, but everything else was so…vivid." I set the cup down on the table, and sit across from her. She looks so pale. I feel bad for dragging her into this, but at the same time I don't because she's our best shot at figuring out what's going on. I know that sounds horrible, but it's true. And right now we're dealing with a lot of ugly truths, so why not add one more?

"He didn't bury her like he did the last girl. He just left her there. After he was gone her face became clear and I saw who it was." She starts crying again and some fear runs through me at the thought of it being Kennedy. If she was patrolling she could have gone into an old factory thinking here were vampires or demons inside of it. "It was Holly Freeman." I shake my head a little bit and look down at my fingernails. So this guy was able to overpower a slayer. And not just any slayer, but a damn good one? I may not have gotten along with her, and we did almost come to blows, but she was great at the slaying. "I don't know how longer after, but a couple of demons showed up, just some scavengers, and they started eating her. That's when I ended the connection. I couldn't watch them." And Willow's seen a lot of horrible stuff in her time. Addison is just a baby, and she had to watch that happen.

"Do you know who the other girl was?" Faith asks and sets a cup of coffee down in front of me. She slowly stirs hers with a spoon as she sits down. "Maybe this guy's really a demon, and he's killing off the slayers?" That's a possibility. Not all demons are evil, I mean come on how cute was Clem? But there are a lot out there that would happily do what that…monster is doing to the girls. "And he could be takin the organs for rituals or whatever. Or sellin 'em on the black market. I remember the mayor telling me that the organs of a slayer would be worth a lot." Eww. I shake my head a little and try not to make a disgusted noise. She's just trying to help, and she does have a valid point. But so far we have more questions then answers.

I think at this point we might as well take the lead that the other girls were slayers as well, and now we need to find out if Addison's dreams are prophecies or horror stories of what has already happened. I don't know how it would happen, but my baby girl could be physic. I've been through enough on the hellmouth not to rule it out. But she could be getting images of what already happened. Why? I don't know. These could just be dreams being placed in Addison's head by someone powerful enough to stay below Willow's magical radar. And if that's the case then we need to bring in a lot of backup because if there's someone more powerful then Willow and they are on the side of evil then we could be facing another apocalypse, and this time it could actually be pulled off. I try not to groan in frustration, and I take another sip of my coffee. Right now I want to just pack up our bags run away from all of this. Or at least have the power to say 'I reject this reality and substitute my own' and actually make it happen.


	60. A Break From The Stress

**Three Days Later.** BPOV

It's been three days since Addison had that nightmare about Holly. Ever since then she hasn't had any. It's been two nights now with no screaming, or crying, or waking up terrified, or wetting herself. I'm hoping tonight she doesn't have another one. Willow and Sky have been working almost nonstop to figure out what's happening. They've been calling every warlock and witch they can think of who could help. They even called Angel and told him what's going on and he has Wesley and Fred looking for a solution. Willow thinks she's getting close to something, and she wants to try an experiment with Addison and Sky, but I'm a little hesitant. I mean, this is my baby we're talking about. And no matter how good Willow is at it now, or how much control she has magic is still very dangerous. Her going inside Addison's mind could have screwed her up beyond repair.

But I'm not going to think about all of that right now. Because today the kids are back in school, and Faith is over at her dad's house visiting with him because Brittany has classes all day long. Today it's just me and little Joseph. I just dropped my rings off at the shop to be cleaned and the diamond is a little loose on the engagement one so they're going to fix that. It feels weird not wearing my wedding rings out in public. I can't them off whenever I take a shower or when I go swimming, but I always have them on when I'm out in public. But that's fine. The people said it's a slow day today so my rings should be finished in about an hour and a half. So I'm going to walk to the park since it isn't very far from here. It'll be good for both of us since we don't get out much.

"You see the leaves moving around because of the wind?" I ask Joseph and glance down at him. He's in the light blue umbrella stroller. He hates his other stroller because he can't see everything as well. He looks around like he actually understood me and it makes me smile. We pass a smell group of people who are also walking on this particular sidewalk and they smile at us. I hear him squeal, and he starts laughing, and the people smile even more. He loves making people smile. "That's an ugly color for a car. Why would anyone paint their car orange?" I know I probably sound insane, but you're supposed to have conversations with your baby like they can understand you. It helps with their language development. Then he sees a blonde woman walking towards us. She's wearing a curve hugging, white dress with little daisies all over it. Joseph sees her and starts laughing a clapping his hands. She looks down at him as she passes and smiles. "So you like blondes, huh? You take after your mama."

When we get to the park I find a nice shady spot for us to sit down. There aren't too many people out here today because it's a Tuesday. And in five days my little boy will be eleven months old. And then it'll be one month exactly before he turns a year old. It doesn't seem like it. It really seems like only yesterday the doctors cut me open and took him out, and then I went all crazy from the postpartum. I'm glad all of that is over with. And I'm so lucky that we had him. When things get too stressful, when Matthew gets a bad attitude and goes to his room or when Addison throws a fit and gets put in time out and things are just a little overwhelming, all I have to do is hold this little guy and he smiles up at me and all of my stress just melts away. I unfold one of his baby blankets and spread it out on the grass. I sit down and pull the stroller a little closer to me. Joseph reaches out for me and I smile.

"Are you ready to come out of your stroller?" I ask and he starts whining and leans forward a little. "Woe, there, I have to unbuckle you first." I gently push him back by his shoulder and he doesn't look too happy. I get him unbuckled and I pick him up and sit him down on the blanket. He looks over where all of the little kids are playing and he smiles and starts crawling towards them. I reach out and grab him by his ankle. "And where do you think you're going?" He starts to whine again but I ignore it. I pick him around his waist and sit him down a little closer to me. Then I lay down on my back and sit him down on my stomach so he has one leg on either side. He leans forward a little and holds himself up by putting his hands just below my breasts. If I'm lucky then he won't grab them. All babies will grab at your breasts. They don't know any better. I think they do it on purpose just to make us uncomfortable.

"Where's Joseph?" I ask and cover my eyes up. He loves playing peek-a-boo. It's his second favorite game. His favorite game is 'I drop this, and you pick it up'. That one gets a little annoying. Anyway, I uncover my eyes and smile really wide. "There he is." I have a very enthusiastic tone and it makes him laugh. Then I cover my eyes up again and repeat the process. He laughs and claps his hands, and before I can cover my eyes up, he leans forward and covers them for me. He has one palm over each eye. He's pushing down a little hard but that's fine. I laugh a little louder then I meant to but it makes him laugh so it was worth any embarrassment. "Where's Joseph? Huh, where is he?" I feel him shift backwards and his hands leave my eyes. "There he is." He laughs and claps his hands.

I feel something bump into my thigh and I look down to see what it is. It's a soccer ball. I look around and see a little girl running towards me. It must be hers. She looks like she might be three, maybe four. She has long red hair that's braided into pigtails, and she has a lot of freckles on her face. She has bright green eyes, and even though she's like twenty feet away I can tell that they're green, that's how bright they are. I put my had on Joseph's back so he won't fall over when I sit up. I reach down and grab onto the soccer ball with my free hand. She gets about four feet away from me and then stops. She doesn't say anything and she won't look into my eyes. She looks down at her feet and then up at me through her really long eyelashes. Every time Willow and Xander start telling stories from their childhood I try to imagine what they looked like. This kid looks exactly like the image I of Willow.

"Hi there," I say in a friendly tone. "Is this yours?" She nods her head and I smile a small smile and hold the ball out. She's standing about a foot away from my outstretched hand and she looks like she doesn't know what to do. I look over her shoulder and scan the area and I don't see an adult coming to her rescue. So she's either here all by herself, or she got lost or something. "Sweetie, are you here with your mommy or daddy?" She nods her head yes and I sigh a little in relief. "Do you know where they are?" She shakes her head no and I try not to groan. I'm about to put Joseph back in his stroller so I can get up when I see a man, very tall, very well built, with red hair and lots of freckles, jogging towards us and he has a worried and relieved look on his face. I know the feeling. That's the look of a parent who lost track of their kid and they just found them.

"Kayla," he calls out and she turns around. She yells out 'daddy!' and runs up to him. He picks her up and holds her close to him. She wraps her arms around his neck, and her legs around his stomach. He gives her a little kiss on the side of her head and I can't help but smile at the little reunion. "Don't you ever run off like that again. You almost gave Daddy a heart attack." Again, I know the feeling. When Matthew was three he wondered off while me and Faith were shopping at the mall. He was missing for half an hour before we found him hiding behind a rack of clothes. Then the man looks over at me and he smiles. "Thank you so much for keeping an eye on her. Why don't you join us for lunch? We have more food then we can possibly eat, and I insist. This town may be small, but it still has it's fair share of weirdos, and anybody could have found her." That is true, and I am getting a little hungry.

"Well, if you insist," I tell him with a small smile. I put Joseph back in his stroller, and trust me he isn't too happy about that. I pick up the blanket and shake it out a little bit to get all the grass off of it. Then I fold it up and put it in the little storage pocket on the back of the stroller. "I'm Buffy Lehane." I hold out my hand for him to shake. He smiles a little bit and gets a little twinkle in his eyes. It's an all too familiar look. That's the 'oh my God, who would actually name their kid that?' My mother, thank you very much. There is nothing wrong with the name Buffy. Anyway, he shakes my hand and introduces himself.

"Richard Cook. And this little runaway is Kayla." I look at her and tell her hi, but she doesn't say anything back. She just hides her face in her daddy's shoulder. "She's really shy." Yep, that little kid is exactly what I picture Willow was like when she was a child. I wonder if there are any Xander look-a-likes here too? He leads the way over to a picnic table. There's a very large lunch spread out across the table. Sitting at the table are four more kids. The oldest looks like he's in his early teens, and the youngest is little Kayla. Richard goes ahead and introduces everybody. "The oldest is Mike, he's fourteen." Ha, I was right. "Then there's Brian, he's ten." The little boy with the very messy hair waves a little at me and I wave back. "That's Danny, he's eight." This little boy blushes and looks away and it makes me smile, even though I try not to. "That's Angela." The only other girl at the table waves and smiles and I do the same. They all seem pretty friendly, except for Danny and Kayla. "Everyone this is Buffy, she found the little escape artist." He puts Kayla down next to her sister.

"Actually she sort of found me." Richard sits down on one of the benches and tells me to go ahead and take a seat. So I sit down to him since it's the only available spot. The two girls and the younger boys are sitting one side of the table, while Richard, Mike and me are on the other. I have to say it's a little intimidating being watched by so many people. Angela hands me one of the paper plates and I help myself, but without looking like a total pig. They must've spent a very pretty penny at the KFC they went to. There's three buckets of chicken, ten containers of mashed potatoes and gravy, five containers of coleslaw, twenty biscuits, three containers of macaroni and cheese, and two boxes of the twenty piece bar-ba-que wings. They're just lucky it was me that was here today and not Faith. So I make up my plate with a little bit of everything and then sit Joseph down on my lap and we eat our meal, and I enjoy the conversation that's going on. That is until one of them decides to talk to me.

"Why is your name Buffy?" the oldest one asks. He doesn't look too happy that I'm here. I glance over at him and while my eyes are in that direction I notice that Richard isn't wearing a wedding ring, and there was no mention of a girlfriend. Uh-oh. I think I walked into something horrible. Maybe there was a little more motive behind the lunch invite then just a thank-you for finding his daughter. And I think the kids know that this is sort of a set up and they're not about to let it happen without a fight. Well, at least I think the oldest one is aware, I'm not too sure about the younger ones since they haven't been glaring at me ever since I sat down.

"Well, my mother liked that name when she had me, so she named me it." He takes a bite from his drumstick and then answer around a mouth full of food. Either this kid wasn't taught any manners or he's being rude on purpose. And from the way the rest of the kids are acting I'm going to go with the latter.

"We used to have a dog named Buffy, are you sure your mom didn't want a dog instead?" Ouch. That was just plain mean. I'm about to say something but Richard jumps in like any good parent would because that was just rude. And it wasn't like he said it in a nice tone either. His voice was fully of attitude, and chicken parts. A little kid saying something like that wouldn't have been as bad because they're just little and they don't know any better. But this kid is fourteen, he should know by now not to say stuff like that.

"Mike, you don't talk to people like. You apologize right now." He sighs and swallows the food that was in his mouth and then puts the piece of chicken down. He doesn't look happy at all, and I'm thinking that maybe I should just leave.

"I'm sorry," he says and takes a drink from his soda. I try to tell him that the apology is accepted, even though I don't really mean it, when one of the other kids speaks up. The older girl, ummm, Angela? Yeah, her name is Angela.

"How come your baby has brown hair when you have yellow hair?" Well, I guess that is a valid question. Although my hair isn't naturally yellow, it's brown. I'm about to explain that to her and just leave out the part about Faith because I really don't feel like opening that can of worms, but then the youngest boy...Danny? Decides it's his turn to ask a question.

"And how come his eyes are brown? And how come he doesn't have all his teeth? And how come he can't talk?" Wow, these kids really want to know a lot about my baby boy. He seems to be the star of this show now. As long as he doesn't look up and see everyone staring at him he should be fine. Little Danny and Kayla aren't the only ones who are shy. But I think he won't start crying as long as I'm holding him. I take a little sip of my soda and put the can out of reach of the miniature disposal that's eating up all of my food, and I try to remember all of the questions that they asked me.

"Well, he has brown hair and brown eyes because his," I don't want to say father but that's sort of what Faith is. Technically speaking she is the father, because at the time of conception she had a penis, and it was her sperm that fertilized my egg. Ok, so we'll go with father for now. "Faith has brown hair, and brown eyes. He doesn't have all of his teeth because they're still growing." He still needs three more. Two top ones and one on the bottom. It's kind of funny because he has the rest so it kinda looks like he was punched in the face and his teeth got knocked out. Well, it sounded funny when Faith said it. "And he can't talk yet because he's a baby and he doesn't know how." Danny lets out a little 'oh' and goes back to eating. And then the middle boy, I can't remember his name for the life of me, speaks up.

"Are you gonna be my dad's girlfriend now?" he asks and I try so hard not to choke on the bite of coleslaw that's in my mouth. I finish chewing and swallow it with a little bit of trouble, and then I take in a deep breath to calm myself down. I look over at Richard and he looks totally embarrassed. He's about to say something but I'll go ahead and cut in on this one.

"No, I'm not. I'm already married." I hold up my hand but then I remember that my ring isn't there. "Right, my ring is being cleaned right now, but normally it's here. On my finger. Where is should be." All of the kids, except for Mike, nod their heads and keep eating their lunch. Things are a little awkward now, but then Joseph squeals and starts laughing out of nowhere and it breaks the tension. I smile and look down at him. I laugh a little bit when I see that he has mashed potatoes and gravy all over his face. I clean him off with my napkin and he isn't too happy about having to sit still. "So, uh..." What's his name, what's his name? "Brian." Thank God I remembered. "You're ten right?" He nods his head yes. "Do you know a kid named Matt Lehane?" At school he goes by Matt. He says that Mattie is too girly, and Matthew is just too long.

"Yeah. He's on the basketball team. A lot of kids don't like him because he's really good." Since when is being really good a bad thing? Oh, I think he means that they're jealous. I might have to have a little talk with Matthew when I get home, see if anyone has been giving him any trouble. "Why?" I guess that's a good question. I mean, if someone just randomly asked if I knew somebody I'd want to know why too.

"That's my son. I was just wondering if you knew him." This kids gets a look of...astonishment on his face and he stop mid-bite. His eyes are big and his mouth his hanging open a little. Ok, what's so shocking about that? I help Joseph eat a piece of biscuit while I wait for this kid to come out of the shocked silence and talk.

"You're Matt's mom?" he asks and he sounds just as shocked as he looks. I nod my head and I'm almost afraid to ask what the big deal is. So his dad asks him for me, and by the look in this kid's eyes I'm probably going to regret bringing it up in the first place. I just had to ask so I'll have no one to blame but myself. "Matt has two moms, and they're lesbians." Yep, I just knew one way or another that was going to be brought into the conversation. By a ten-year-old kid was definitely not the way I pictured it, but it was still brought up. There are mixed reactions around the table. Mike starts laughing his ass off, Brian has a big smile on his face, Danny looks a little confused but is laughing because his brother is, and both little girls have no idea what's going on. Richard looks a little shocked but a little amused at the same time.

"Oh man, Dad, you really know how to pick 'em," Mike says around his laughter. He gives his dad a big pat on the back and keeps laughing. He stops just enough to say something else. "First a klepto, now a lezzie. What's next, a stripper?" He starts laughing harder, and Richard tells him to behave himself but he doesn't listen. Joseph starts laughing just because all the other kids are laughing now. I have to say it is kind of funny. I totally wasn't expecting that reaction from them at all. I glance down at my watch and I should have been at the jewelry cleaners five minutes ago.

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but I really need to get going. I have to pick my rings up and I have some shopping I need to get done. I was really nice meeting everyone." I put Joseph in his stroller and then wipe off my face and hands with a clean napkin and then clean off the little mess that is my baby boy. I tell them goodbye one last time and they all say bye and wave. Mike starts laughing again only this time not as hard. Richard gives him a little smack on the back of the head, but that doesn't stop him from laughing. I walk away with a smile on my face but a little sympathy as well. If Richard really is trying to find a girlfriend then I feel sorry for him because trying to date as a single parent is tough. But dating as a single parent with five kids and one of them is a teenager who doesn't want his dad dating in the first place? Sounds impossible. I'm just glad Faith and I are never going to get divorced.

FPOV

So it's been two nights since Addy's last nightmare and it's good for all of us to finally get some sleep. She was getting dark circles under her eyes and that's not right for a kid to have that shit. And I will admit that it's been nice to get some sleep. I don't know how long it's gonna last, hopefully a long time. I don't want my baby girl to go through this shit anymore. I don't want her to lose sleep 'cause she's having nightmares about horrible murders. And I don't want to be woken up at one in the morning 'cause she had a horrible nightmare. I know I'm her mom, and I'm supposed to be all comforting or whatever, but moms need sleep too, ya know. Anyway, enough about that shit. I just left my dad's place. I hung out with him for a couple hours, and now that Brittany's back in school it was actually enjoyable.

We didn't do much. Sat around, watched a game, had a couple beers, but that's just what we do. Talked a little bit but we avoided the touchy subjects. Ok, the one touchy subject. And do I really have to say it? Fine, so we didn't talk about Brittany. Instead we talked about Joey's birthday that's comin up in about a month, and we talked about my birthday that's comin up in a couple weeks, and then we talked about the kids' training. The whole reason Giles is paying my dad enough for this apartment and everything he needs to make his life comfortable is so that he'll track the kids' progress. I know Mattie has been holdin back, that became wicked obvious after he took down that demon. So now we have to come up with some ways to train Mattie that won't kill anybody. He's a lot stronger then me, that's for sure, so training him could get dangerous if we're not careful.

I don't wanna think about that shit right now. Right now I'm going to relax and let Bobby D work his magic. And no we're not doing anything sexual. I'd never cheat on B, ever. I look down at what the very large guy is doing and I can't help but smile as I watch. Buffy's gonna freak when she sees this. But in a good way, definitely not the kind when I end up sleepin on the couch for a week. This is taking a lot longer then I wanted it to, but there's not much I can do about that. See, Bobby D is a tattoo artist and he owns this shop that I'm in. I came in a few days ago with a picture of what I wanted. But the picture has a lot of detail and he closes the shop up at eleven. My nightly business class lets out at ten thirty, and I can only convince this guy to stay open half an hour longer. And by convince I mean pay him a hundred bucks extra. It seems like a lot, but he's the best Vegas has to offer.

But like I said before, this picture has a lot of details so I have to come back after my business class and he's getting it done little by little. And because of this I can't have sex with Buffy. I don't want her to see it until it's done so I've been hiding my stomach from her. Trust me it's a lot harder then it sounds. Especially when she wants to fool around. So I've been faking tiredness and telling her that I'm still getting used to being back at school again since Christmas break is over and she's bought it so far. Luckily I only have two more nights of this shit and then I won't have to lie to her. But I know she's going to love it. And you're probably wondering what I'm getting done? Well, I'll tell you. It's the picture I took of Buffy when she was in the hospital when she had Mattie. She's holding him, and they're looking into each other's eyes, and she looks so happy. I know she's gonna love it.

I'm already thinking of the other tattoos I'm going to get in the very near future. One of Buffy in her wedding dress, and looking like the happiest person in the world. I'm not sure which pictures of the kids I'm going to get done, but I know I want one of each. And I'm going to get their names done. I'm not too sure how yet, but I know I'm going to. I don't know why I waited so long to get this done. I guess I always thought it was a little too good to be true. That one day Buffy would finally get sick of me and we'd split up and that would be the end of my happy family. So now me and B can never split up 'cause I don't want this tattoo to be a huge regret. And if we break up then that's all it would be. Kinda hard to start a new relationship with someone when your ex's face is painted on your skin.

"Alright, that's it for tonight," Bobby says and turns off the needle. He wipes up the little bit of blood with a tissue, and then puts a bandage over it. I stand up and button and zip my pants back up. I'm getting the tat next to my right left hip, and it goes a little below the beltline. I pay him his money, two hundred bucks. He charges a hundred bucks and hour, plus the hundred I'm bribing him with to stay open a little later. Like I said before, it's expensive but it's damn worth it. I'd rather spend a lot of money on a guy who knows his shit, then save some cash and have some novice fuck it up. After I leave the shop, I hop in my car, blast the stereo and head for home. It's a half hour drive from Vegas to my house, and B's probably going to be pissed that I'm getting home so late. She probably thinks I'm having an affair or something. Well, won't she feel dumb when I show her that I was just getting a tattoo done?

I feel my slayer healing taking care of the little bit of pain that's on my stomach. I can't help but smile a little bit. I'm probably not going to be able to stop thinking about it until it's done and I've shown Buffy. I definitely be trying not to smile whenever I look at her. Not only because of the tattoo but because I bought her birthday present today. I got her diamond earrings and a gold watch. What can I say? She loves the bling. I think this woman has more diamonds then a movie star. She doesn't wear 'em too often, but when she does she'll wear a whole set. Ya know earrings, necklace and bracelet. And these earrings are by far the biggest ones I've gotten her. I think for her next birthday I'm going to buy her a new car. She's a little bummed that can't afford one anymore because we went a little overboard on Christmas presents for each other and the kids.

I turn down the radio when I pull onto my street. Don't wanna wake up the kids or piss off any of the neighbors. I pull into the driveway and shut off the car. The only lights on in the entire house is the faint glow from the floor lamp in the living room. Everyone else has gone to bed. The light being on is a good sign. It means that Buffy's not mad at me. If she was pissed off for me being out and about so late then she would have turned all the lights off. Even with that light on I'm a little hesitant to go inside. She isn't going to be happy with me, and I hate it when she's mad. She'll try to act like everything is ok, but on the inside she'll be pissed because I didn't come home when I said I would, and I didn't call to tell her I'd be late. So the light being left on could be a trick to make me think that everything's ok.

Oh my God, just go inside. Why am I being so paranoid? Now I remember, it's because I've been with Buffy for thirteen years now and I know a setup when I see one. Alright, I'm not saying it's a setup for sure, but I should go in prepared just in case it is. I take the keys out of the ignition, grab my purse and get out of the car. It's pretty nice out here tonight. Not too cold, just enough to let me know that it's still January. For a lot of people it's the one thing that they love about living in Nevada, that the weather is pretty much the same all year around. I miss the big weather changes that happen in Northern California and in Boston. You can tell what month it is just by looking outside. Here if you don't know you have to look it up on a calendar. I hate that. I miss the rainy winters, and the snowy Christmases. Anyway, I unlock the front door and I was wrong about what I said earlier. Someone is still up and waiting for me by the door.

"Hey, Tucker," I say in a light tone and pet him on the head. I put my keys in my purse and toss that onto the end table next to the door. My dog does not look too happy, and I can't help but smile a little bit. "Aw, what's the matter? Did Buffy kick you outta the bedroom?" It's perfectly ok to baby-talk to an animal when no one else is in the room. He groans a little bit and I try not to roll my eyes. All those years ago Buffy refused to let him sleep on our bed anymore because he was so jealous of her. But now that he's getting older she's starting to have more sympathy for him, and he's been sleeping in our bed a lot more. She still makes him sleep in the living room whenever we have sex, but we haven't been having that a lot lately. And not just because of the tattoo, but because we've been so tired from trying to figure out what's happening to Addy.

I kick my boots off and push 'em up against the back of the couch. I go into the kitchen and grab a beer outta the fridge. Then I go into the living room and sit down on the couch. I twist off the cap and toss it onto the coffee table and take a long, slow sip. This feels good after the day I've had. Hanging out with my dad was relaxing, but then I had to come back and study for an exam we had tonight in my business class. Those things are getting harder and harder. The professor told us that it's going to get a lot harder from here. The work is going to be more extensive, and a lot more difficult. That totally fuckin sucks 'cause I have trouble getting the work done now. We'll have a couple of small quizzes, then another exam in March. The exams aren't too hard. Ten multiple choice questions, ten fill in the blanket, five word definitions, and then an essay question.

In April the biggest thing we have to worry about is the mock-business project. Each person is told a certain amount of money and we have to come up with an idea for a new business and describe everything. From what the business does, the size of the building we'd use, the type of advertising we'd do, shit like that, but we can't go over the limit. I figured I'd go ahead and write up what I plan to do after I get my business license. I wanna open up my own motorcycle shop. We won't sell 'em or anything. Nope, it'll be a repair and customizing place. I might buy an old, beat up, piece of shit bike every once in a while then fix it up and then sell it for a little extra cash, but that's not going to be our main source of income. My dad's gonna go into business with me, and Giles said he'd help out with the money but I don't think he's going to need to. I plan on starting out very small and then going bigger over time. People who try to go big too quick usually go bankrupt.

"No gonna happen to me," I say to Tucker and gently pat his head. He rests his chin on my knee and scoots a little closer to me. I take another sip of beer and gently pat the empty cushion next to me. He understands what I'm doing, and he instantly jumps up on the couch. Or at least he would but his arthritis is getting to bad that he's having some trouble with it. I put my beer down and help him up. He lays down, and curls up a little bit, and rests his head on my lap. He's eight years old now, that's pretty old for a dog I guess. It's not like I would know. He's still in pretty good health for an old timer. The only real problem he has is with his hips and legs. Other then that he's perfectly fine. I know that he only has a couple more good years left before his health starts to go. I already promised myself when he first got the arthritis that I'd have him put down before he gets really bad. He's a great dog and he doesn't deserve to suffer.

"Let's stop with the depressing thoughts for a while," I tell him and gently stroke his long fur. I smile a little bit when I feel the spots that have thinned out a little bit. Tucker is too big for Ruby to take down when they play but that doesn't stop her from trying. She'll grab onto a fat chunk of his fur and then pull with all her might, and a little bit will come out and she runs around with the evidence hanging from her mouth. I'm starting to think that puppy is a Godsend. Addy maybe a little kid but she doesn't just forget those dreams when she's awake. The only thing that can keep her distracted from them, and eventually forget is playing with Ruby. She's given us some problems, chewed up a couple shoes, and destroyed B's garden, but other then that she's perfect. She's already housetrained, she isn't aggressive and she doesn't chew on the furniture. "That little girl still giving you shit?" He groans again and I chuckle a little and take another really long swig of beer.

After I finish unwinding I toss the empty bottle in the trash and turn out the light and head for bed. I slowly walk in so I won't wake anybody up but Buffy is still awake. I can tell because of her breathing. She tensed up when I opened the door so she's awake, she's just playing possum. I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth like I do every night. Then I go back into my bedroom and B tenses up again. I take off my clothes and slip on a baggy t-shirt. I don't bother with the boxers 'cause we got the air vents for this room fixed so the heater finally works in here, and it's a little warmer then I'm used to. I crawl under the covers, and Buffy tenses up a little more as I scoot closer to her. I pretend not to notice and wrap an arm around her. I give her a little kiss on her shoulder and whisper goodnight before I close my eyes. She's still tense so I know going to sleep isn't going to be that easy.

"You've been gone a long time," she says in an emotionless voice. I nod a little bit and snuggle in a little more to her. "You should've been home almost an hour ago." Again I nod and I give her another little kiss on the shoulder. She sighs in frustration so I stop with the kisses. I really don't feel like having my lips ripped off tonight. "I was worried about you." Ok, that one was a little weird. I ask her why and she raises her voice a little bit, and she sounds wicked irritated. "Because you've been late getting home for the last couple of nights. You're my wife, I'm going to worry when you do stuff like that." Her voice cracks just a tiny bit with some emotion and I tighten my grip around her. When is she going to learn that I'd never cheat on her? She puts herself through all this stress for nothing. But I understand where she's comin from. I'd be worried if she was late getting home at night too.

"Look, B, I can't tell you where I was. It's a surprise, but it's nothing bad, baby, I swear. You're gonna love it, but it's taking a lot longer then I thought. So I'm gonna be late the next couple of nights too. I'm sorry that I worried you, I didn't mean to." She rolls over so she's facing me and she looks into my eyes. I guess she's making sure that I'm not lying or anything. When she's looked enough and decides that I am telling the truth she kisses me. She must be really turned on because it gets deep very fast. She starts to gently grind against me and her hand is making its way from my shoulder down to my thigh. She rubs my thigh for a few minutes while we continue to kiss. She goes from the hem of my shirt, down to my knee, and back up again. God I've missed the feel of her soft hands.

I reach down and lift up her pajama shirt a little and rub the soft skin of her abdomen. Her skin feels really soft tonight, softer then usual. It sends up a couple red flags but I ignore it. I slide my hand down her pajama bottoms and even more red flags go off in my mind. The things I immediately notice are: she's not wearing any underwear, and she's completely shaven. The thing that takes two seconds to register after the first two is the fact that her pussy is dripping wet. She planned this out tonight. She was pissed at me for not being home on time because she wanted us to be together. Knowing her she probably had something romantic planned, and I ruined it. And the worst thing of all is I'm going to have to put a stop to this if I want my tattoo to be a surprise when it's finished. So I pull back from the kiss as she slips her hand under my shirt and lightly rubs the skin she finds.

"Baby, we have to stop." She completely freezes. She isn't even breathing anymore. After a few seconds she takes in a deep breath and asks why. "We don't have to stop completely, but it's just…I have this whole surprise planned out and it'll ruin it if you see me, or feel a certain part of me." I kiss her before she can say anything and I reach down and grab onto her wrist. I roll her over onto her back and kiss my way from her mouth to her neck. I pin both her wrists above her head. I kiss my way down to her collarbone and I stay there for a while. I slowly lick and nip my way from one side to the other and back again. I leave a few small hickies on both bones and then work my way down towards her breasts. But I'm stopped by her pajama shirt. So I go back up to her ear and slowly suck on the lobe for a few seconds, then blow some hot air on the moisture, and she shivers.

"I'm gonna take your shirt off," I whisper to her, by lips brush against the shell of her ear, and my voice is nice and husky. "Don't move your hands, alright?" She nods her head and tries to say 'ok' but I think she's too turned on to talk at this point. I make my way under the covers until I'm down by her waistline. I unbutton the first little white button and just look at the skin that's exposed. Her breathing is harder with the anticipation of what I might do, and even this part of her stomach is caught in the up and down rhythm. I leave a soft little whisper of a kiss on the warm skin, and she shivers. I hear her let out a low moan, and the heat from her pussy is burning against my stomach. I can feel her legs quivering but I'm going to be slow about this. I ruined whatever she had planned so now I'm going to make it up to her.

I unbutton the second little white button on her shirt and kiss the little bit of skin that was under it. I know I said I wanted to go slow, but I don't think I can hold out much longer. It's been a long time for me too, not just her. I miss tasting her the most. I swear before we had kids and Dawnie would spend the night at a friend's house on the weekend I would spend hours just tasting Buffy. I'd bring her to her first orgasm pretty quick, but then drew out the others. That's what I'm gonna do tonight. I get her shirt taken off and spend a couple minutes suckin on her breasts. I leave a hickie on the right one just for the hell of it. I go back under the covers and take off her pajama pants. I drop them to the floor, and then focus all my attention on Buffy's bare, glistening pussy. My mouth waters up and I slowly make my next move.

I use the tip of my tongue to spread her lips apart. She moans and tries to press herself against me, but I pull back a little. I hold onto her hips so she can't move and she lets out a small groan in frustration. I wiggle the tip of my tongue at her entrance, and she moans and her hips try to buck, but I stop them. I slowly lick up my way up to her throbbing clit, and I tickle it a little with my tongue, and she's moaning consistently now. It won' take long for her to go over the edge and I can tell she's already there. She just needs a little push. She wraps her legs around me and tries to push me against her, but I don't let her. We're going to do this at my pace, not hers. I wrap my lips around her clit and start to slowly suck on it. I can practically feel her whole body tensing up as her hips try even harder to thrust against my mouth.

I start sucking a little harder, and scrape my teeth against her clit. Her whole body tenses up and she stop moving for about half a second and the flood gates open. She's withering, and shaking, and moaning, and groaning, and come is getting all over the sheets. I let go of her clit and start lapping at her entrance like a cat with a bowl of milk. God, she tastes so fuckin good. I don't wait for her to come down from her high before I stick my tongue inside of her. Ya know how when people speak Spanish they roll their R's? Well I do that inside of her. She goes nuts. She comes against almost instantly, and my mouth fills with her honey, and she's calling out my name, but trying to be quiet and I gotta admit it's not working out. And I'm under the covers with her thighs clamped around my head, so she must be screaming if she sounds loud to me.

I guess I'm not going to get to go through with my plans. One of the key factors in my little description of it earlier was 'before we had kids'. Well, we have kids now, and Buffy screaming out my name in a fit of passion (yeah, I totally got that out of a romance novel) has woken up a very pissed off eleven-month-old. Hopefully what we did will tide her over for the next couple days because I really do want this tattoo to be a surprise, and she knows how to get me so horny that I forget about anything else. Hopefully she won't do that. She only does that when she's desperate. I think me going down on her for an hour and a half was long enough so she won't become desperate. I leave a little kiss on her bald mound before I climb out from under the covers. I go into the bathroom and rinse my mouth out. I think about brushing my teeth again but decide against it.

Then I got back into the bedroom, and pick up my very angry boy. I give him a couple kisses on his forehead, and walk over to the bed. Buffy's putting on one of my baggy t-shirts. I guess she's still feeling too hot for her pajamas. I lay down on my side of the bed and put our boy in the middle. He's still screaming his head off and he feels pretty warm. I try so hard not to roll my eyes and get irritated. He isn't used to the room being this warm because of the heater, and Buffy put him in his sweats 'cause I guess she thought it was going to be really cold tonight. So I strip him down to his diaper and cover him up. As soon as he spots Buffy he crawls over to her. He snuggles up to her, and his head is right under her chin. But having the baby against her like that isn't stopping her from enjoying her afterglow. She's smiling like an idiot, and she's much more relaxed then she was when I first got here. I lean over and give her a little kiss on the lips before I put my head down on my pillow and drift off to sleep.

BPOV

I wake up to the smell of bacon and the sound of the kids laughing. I glance over at the clock and see that it's already seven in the morning. I should have been up by now. I guess having two mild blowing orgasms will make a person oversleep. I sit up and stretch my arms high above my head. I feel the bones in my spine pop back into place and it feels a lot better now. I feel so much more relaxed and refreshed after last night. It's been a while since me and Faith have had sex, mostly because we couldn't because Addison kept having those nightmares, but now I know Faith is hiding something. I don't know what, and I have my suspicions, but she is hiding something. She told me it's a good thing and I'm going to love it so I'm going to trust her on this one, because she wouldn't risk having to sleep on the couch unless she was right.

I get up and go into the bathroom. I avoid looking at the mirror and go straight to the toilet. When I'm done doing my business I wash my hands and then look up at the horrible mess that is my face. I splash some cool water on it and that helps a little. I comb out my hair since it looks like I was fucked a lot rougher then I really was. I shouldn't say that. I was fucked last night, I was loved. It doesn't matter how stupid that sounds, but that's what I was. It was gentle and slow, and for a while I thought I was going insane because she kept me on edge for what felt like forever. Anyway, after I wash my face I gurgle a little bit of mouthwash to get rid of the morning breath. I don't bother brushing my teeth because I'm about to go eat breakfast so what's the point? It would be better to brush them afterwards.

When I walk back into my bedroom I slip on some panties and head out to the kitchen. The closer I get to it the louder the noise gets and I can't help but smile. When I walk into the kitchen I see Faith standing at the stove making some eggs, and the kids are at the table with their plates full of pancakes, sausage, bacon, toast, hash browns, and an English muffin. Joseph has a pancake that Faith or one of the kids tore into little pieces so he can eat it without choking. He's almost eleven months old now and his personality is really starting to show. He interacts with his big brother and sister way more, and they love it. Matthew's sitting in the chair next to the highchair and he's encouraging my little baby boy to blow raspberries, and Addison is watching them and laughing hysterically. I try not to roll my eyes as I walk over and give Matthew a kiss on the top of his head.

"Hey, how's my champ feeling this morning?" He has a basketball game today against a team from Las Vegas. Apparently Matthew's school has never beaten this team, but the coach thinks they are because my boy is the star player. I know that's not saying much because he's only in fifth grade, but I'm still really proud of him. He tells me he's feeling fine and he starts eating his breakfast. "And how's Mr. Grouch doing today?" I ask Joseph and he starts laughing at the voice I just used. I lean down and try to give him a kiss on the lips, but he does this thing now that whenever you try to give him a kiss he opens his mouth as wide as he can and sticks out his tongue. So instead of kissing his little pink lips, I get licked by his slobbery pink tongue. I pull back and smile at him. He smiles right back and he looks absolutely adorable.

"Well, thank you for that. It was very kind of you." He picks up a piece of pancake and shoves it in his mouth and then starts banging his hands on the plastic tray. I sit down next to Addison and give her a kiss on the cheek. "And how's my princess? Did you have any bad dreams?" She shakes her head no while she chews the very large bite of toast. "That's great, sweetheart." I try not to say anything like 'maybe they're gone for good' because I don't want to get her hopes up. I glance over at Faith and just watch her make the last of the breakfast. The burner for the eggs is turned off so now she's letting them cool. I stand up and get a plate out of the cupboard and walk over to the stove. The meats and hash browns are still in their skillets, the toast is on a plate but it's on the counter, and I guess I'll be making my own English muffin.

"Alright, who wants eggs?" she asks in a very cheerful voice and all three of my kids raise their hands. I know Joseph is only doing it because the other two are but it's still hilarious to see. She picks up the skillet and walks over to the table and serves them the food. "Now be careful they're still a little hot." She puts a large scoop of them down on Joseph's tray so I know they aren't very hot. He practically attacks them but then slows down when he realizes that he has to chew them up. "Are you gonna be able to make it to Mattie's game?" Why would she ask me that of course I'll be….oh fuck! I look over at my oldest son who's looking at me with some anticipation and eagerness. I guess he's really looking forward to it. We haven't missed any of his games, but most of his games are on Thursdays, and I don't have class on Thursdays.

"No, I can't make it." He face drops a little bit, but he tries to hide the disappointment. We all caught the glimpse though. "I'm so sorry, Matthew, but I have class. And I can't miss it today because we have a big test we have to take." I sit down at the table and wait until he makes eye contact with me. "I promise I'll make it up to you." He just nods his head and tries to act like it's no big deal. I feel like shit for having to miss this. It's one of the biggest games of the year. If they win this then they go to the finals, and if they win those four games then they go to the championship, and if they win that then everyone gets a trophy, win or lose. But I mostly feel like shit because in a couple years he's going to be in high school and he won't want us to come to the games because he'll be too busy trying to impress a girl or something.

"How about I have Mama record it, and when I get home we can watch it together?" He brightens up a little bit at that idea, but not by much. We hear the school bus honk outside and he gets up and goes to his room to get his backpack. He finished off most of his food, but he pretty much stopped eating after I disappointed him. I have no idea how I'm going to make it up to him, but I'm going to. He walks out of his bedroom, and starts to head for the front door, but I stop him. "Hey, you're not leaving the house like that." He stops, rolls his eyes, and comes back into the kitchen. He gives me a kiss on the cheek, and then gives one to Faith. "That's better. Have a good day a school." We have one, maybe two more years of him willingly giving us kisses, so we're going to take all the kisses we can get. "What are you gonna be up to today?" Faith finishes chewing and then swallowing before she answers.

"Might do a little grocery shopping. Ruby's vet appointment is today and I don't know how long that's gonna take." It turns out that Faith only told me she'd be getting the puppy spayed this week so I would calm down and not freak out. But the vet said that their office won't spay a puppy under the age of five months. So we have to wait awhile. "I don't have class tonight so I'm gonna take it easy. I wanna be at the school a little early so I can get a good seat since you want me to record the game for you." I feel a little pang of guilt at that. I can't believe I have to miss his game all because of this stupid business class. Then again life isn't fair and I think we need to start teaching our kids that a little more. I think they're getting spoiled. The last thing I want to have to deal with is a spoiled teenager who throws a fit whenever they don't get their way. Ok, so I don't think they're gonna be that bad. At least I hope not.

"Are you still gonna be late?" I ask, and I try to sound pleasant about it, but I can't help but have a little irritation in my voice. All she had to do was call and say that she was going to be late. I had something big planned. We were finally going to use that spell. We were rested because Addison hasn't been having any nightmares and the kids went to bed without any problems, and I wanted to be with her, and I wanted to try something new. I was so pissed because I'm going through all this trouble to try and please her and she can't even meet me halfway. But she says she has a surprise that I'm really going to love, so I'll just suck it up and stay off her back about it.

"Not as late as last night, but yeah I might be a little late." She finishes her breakfast then rises off her plate and puts it in the dishwasher. She looks over at the clock on the stove and then down at her watch for whatever reason. "Alright, Addy, time to go to school." Unlike Matthew, Addison still loves giving us kisses and hugs. Ok, so she doesn't and she never really has. She's never been very affectionate with us because her world revolves around her older brother. I swear, it's like she looks at him and she sees God. Anyway, she gives me a hug and a kiss, and I hug her, and kiss her back, and tell her I love her. Then she runs out the door like she doesn't have a care in the world. And that's how it's supposed to be. "See you in a little bit." Faith gives me a little peck on the lips and leaves to take our baby to daycare. I take another bite from my bacon and look over at the little boy in the highchair.

"Well, little man, what are we going to do while everyone else is gone?" I ask him and he just smiles at me. Then he starts blowing raspberries again and I roll my eyes. Now that Matthew taught him that new trick that's all he's going to do. He better not do that when I feed him his baby food or things will get very messy and gross. I try to avoid buying all things green, but Faith thinks they're just so funny. Well she isn't going to think it's funny when she has split pee all over her when she feeds him. "I would suggest going to the park but I don't know if those people are going to be there or not. Probably not since I've never seen them there before. But we can always go for a little walk." He gets excited when I say that. I've always loved taking walks with my kids. I don't know, there's just something nice about walking down the street, pushing a stroller and showing your baby the big world outside the walls of the house.

When I finish eating I rinse off my dish and put it in the dishwasher. Then I clean up the big mess tha Joseph made on his tray. Then I wipe off his face and hands, and give him a couple of toys to play with while I'm in the shower. I said earlier that I feel more relaxed after last night, well I also feel a little icky because dried sweat on my skin is not something that I enjoy. I use my lavender shampoo and conditioner instead of the vanilla, which is what I usually use. I don't know why, I'm just in a lavender sort of mood this morning. I guess because everything is calm again. Addison isn't having nightmares, there are no big bads causing trouble, everyone is happy, and healthy, and it feels good. It feels good to just relax and not have to worry about anything. I'm trying to be more like Faith today and just live in the moment instead of worrying about the future.

When I get out of the shower I blow dry my hair and go into my room to get dressed. Since this is a day for relaxation I'm going to dress very casual. Very simple under-stuff. Cotton, white, a few months old. This bra and panties are for comfort, not looks. Then I slip on my light blue jeans, fitting but not too tight, the knees are starting to wear down a little, and they're very faded. Again the point here is comfort. The only thing that's going to be for looks is the jewelry, but I haven't decided what I'm going to wear yet. I put on my light green shirt with the picture of the cartoon panda, sitting in a bamboo tree and looking adorable. I slip on my light blue flip flops, and put my hair up in a loose ponytail. I keep my makeup light, mostly some cover up, a little bit of eyeshadow, nothing fancy. But then I put on the diamond bracelet that Faith got me for our anniversary. I feel like showing off a little bit.

"Ok, chunky boy, lets get you dressed so we can go out," I say as I walk into the kitchen. He starts smiling the second he hears my voice, and then he starts laughing because he just threw one of his toys at me. Damn, that kid has a good arm. I guess it's safe to say he's a slayer too. We won't know for sure until he's older and we can test him but I don't know of any other babies who can throw a toy that far across a room. I hear a high pitched yelp come from the backyard and I look out the window. Ruby just pulled out another chunk of fur from Tucker. That poor dog. I don't think it's very fair for him that he has to put up with that little brat. And he's getting older now so it's not like he can out run her or anything. I open up the backdoor and let him in and use my foot as a block for the little hellhound. I might as well take Tucker with us, give him a break from the little beast that's making his life a little harder.

I take Joseph into my bedroom and sit him down on the bed. Tucker tries to jump up there with him but since he can't jump to well these days he just stands there with his front paws holding him up so he can lick my little boy's face clean. I guess he still smells like pancake and formula. But he doesn't care that the dog is licking him. Nope, just the opposite. He loves it. He's laughing and squealing and grabbing onto the fur on Tucker's neck so he can't pull away. It's kind of gross, but I'm being relaxed today so I don't really care either. I'll wipe his face off with a baby wipe after I put him in the stroller. Anyway, after I change his diaper I put him in some dark blue jean shorts, his little pleather sandals, and a red shirt that has a picture of a building on fire, and firefighters trying to put out the blaze and underneath it in big bold letters are the words 'hot stuff'. Faith bought it for him, and I thought it was a little much at the time, but now I think it's adorable.

When Joseph is strapped in the umbrella stroller, and Tucker has his leash on I leave a note for Faith telling her that I took the boys for a walk and I'll be back in a little while, I grab my purse and we leave. It's a really nice day today, but it's kinda always like that here. Faith doesn't like it too much because she's so used to living in places where the weather changes a lot with the different seasons, but I'm totally not used to that. LA girl here, remember? Northern California was a little too much for me. I don't know how we lived there for so long. I guess we just got caught up in being moms and we couldn't do the things we had planned. We used to talk about buying a small yacht, taking it out to sea for a couple weeks at a time. Just the open ocean, a couple bottles of champagne, and us. But then I got pregnant and we had to cancel all of our plans. But we have our golden years to do all that stuff.

I'm sure in our golden years we're going to be living on a yacht, sailing around the world and just being together. Yeah right. Like that'll really happen. We'd drive each other insane. See, Faith and I love each other very much, but no two people can spend every second together and not get on each other's nerves. I honestly think that rough patch we had all those years ago when we broke up for a couple months was because we spent too much time together. We still do things together but we have time that's just for ourselves. Sort of. We're taking the business classes, and Faith spends a lot of time at her dad's, and I spend a lot of time with my circle of friends. I haven't been hanging out with them a lot lately because of the business class and everything else I have going on at home, but we try to get together at least once a week, usually on Sundays. I'll have to call Kim and see who's house we're meeting at this week.

I didn't plan on coming here, but while I'm out I might as well go into the little corner store. Not buying something would be rude so I'll just browse around until something strikes my fancy. Dogs aren't allowed inside so I have to tie Tucker up to the metal picnic bench outside. I go inside the mini-mart and the first thing I notice is the clerk. He's tall, I can tell he's a smoker because of the leathery looking skin. He has black hair that's balding on top, and a fading goatee. He looks bored out of his mind and his eyes are all over me the second I walk through the door. I just give him a small smile and keep on walking. I can practically feel his eyes on my ass as I walk further into the store. The way I'm looking at it is this: I'm almost forty. And screw you, thirty-four is totally almost forty. I should be thankful for all of the people who still ogle my goodies because that doesn't happen to a lot of almost forty-year-old women. So I'm standing in the middle of an isle trying to decide which type of Pringles I want: sour cream and onion, or original when I hear:

"Daddy, look at the baby!" She sounds four, maybe five years old so I won't get too defensive. I look down and see and blur of blonde and pink running towards the stroller. As soon as she gets close enough she drops to her knees so she can be eye level with my little boy. I glance down at him and he looks a little afraid. But then she starts smiling and talking to him. "You're a cute little baby. I wish a had a little brother that looked like you." Wow, that's probably one of the sweetest things that someone has said about my kids. The little girl is a cutie herself. Blonde hair, light hazel eyes, looks a lot like me when I was a child. I smile a little bit and she looks up at me with a big toothy grin. "Your baby is very cute." Well isn't she just the sweetest little angel?

"Thank you," I tell her and make my selection. I decided to just get both, clear up the confusion and this way I can give one to Faith. But which one will she want? Better make it two of each. "You're very cute yourself." She blushes and then tries to hide behind her hair. "Don't be shy. A girl can never be told enough that she's cute." What? It's true. I'm about to ask her about her dad and where he is, ya know the normal 'who does this child belong to?' type of stuff but I'm cut off before I can get my mouth open. I hate it when that happens.

"Hannah, I told you not to run away from me." The voice is deep, but not too deep. I look up at the man walking towards us and see the most gorgeous creature on the face of this earth. He has dark hair that's combed just right. He has the brightest blue eyes I've ever seen. Nice, full, pouty lips that I just want to nibble. A perfect smile with perfect teeth. A clean shaven face with skin that looks so soft that I just want to gently caress it. He's wearing a nice suit, black pants and jacket, a blue button up shirt, and a light blue with white diagonal stripes. Everything about him screams success, and everything in my body is telling me to fuck. "I'm so sorry. She's been begging me for a brother, so every time she sees a baby boy she runs after him." He smiles a very charming smile and I feel like I'm in high school again, trying to figure out a way to get the hot guy to ask me out and be subtle about it.

"Oh, that's alright. He seems to be quite the girl magnet. They chase after him all the time." Did I really just say that? He seems to think it's funny though, and his laugh is just like music to my ears. "I'm Buffy." I tell him and hold out my hand. He shakes my hand, and he's firm but not too hard. And that sounded a lot dirty then it should have. He tells me his name is Keith. Hmmm, I think that name. Well, I like it on him at least. "And this is one of my prides and joys, Joseph. I have two more, Matthew and Addison." Why am I telling him all of this stuff? He smiles and nods his head a little bit, but he doesn't look like he's panicking. Kids are like hot guy kryptonite or something. But he has a little girl, so he's probably married. Hmm, no ring, interesting. Maybe he just doesn't like to wear rings. That's entirely possible.

"I have another daughter, Sarah." He pulls out his wallet and shows me a picture of a little girl who looks exactly like the girl standing in front of me now, only she's younger. "She's two going on twenty." We both laugh at the little joke and I glance down and then look up at him through my eyelashes. He has a very nice smile on his face, and I can't help but smile flirtatiously back at him. I make some comment about him and his wife being proud because they have beautiful children and he tells me everything I need to know. "Oh, I'm not married. We split up right after Sarah was born." I play the sympathy card, but he doesn't look too broken up about it. "I have to go, but maybe we could continue this later over lunch? There's this place called Lee's Chinese Palace, they have the best Chinese food." I smile a little and nod my head.

"Yes, I've been to the Palace a few times. I have some stuff that I have to get done today, but how about tomorrow at around one? Will that work?" He pulls a palm pilot out of his jacket pocket and checks the date. He says that one o' clock tomorrow will be perfect. "Ok, I'll see you then." I say bye to Hannah and she reluctantly leaves. She wasn't done talking to Joseph and he's a little sad to see her go. He's only eleven months and he's already a big flirt. I can't even imagine what he's going to be like when he's older. I'm about half way up to the counter to buy my purchases when I realize: I just got asked out on a date, and I accepted. What the hell is the matter with me? And didn't he see my rings? I mean, they're kind of hard to miss. When I'm wearing them! God, I must've forgotten to put them on after I took my shower.

Ok, Buffy, you're fine. This could just be a friendly lunch. Just because he's divorced it doesn't mean he thinks this is a date. But he's so gorgeous that he probably does think it's a date. Why, why, why did I say yes? Faith isn't going to get mad because she knows I'll explain the situation to him and everything will be fine. Nope, she's going to think it's hilarious. She's going to make fun of me for becoming a teenager again, and she's going to think it's hilarious that this guy is about to be rejected. Why do I have to act so blonde all the time? It isn't even my natural hair color! Everything is going to be fine, just calm down. Even though I'm freaking out a little because I have a date tomorrow, I can't help but feel a little excited because I have a date tomorrow! I wonder what I'm gonna wear?

FPOV

So Buffy has her big date today. When she told me that she got asked out I thought it was fuckin hilarious. I am a little jealous though, for multiple reasons. One, because my wife is going out with someone else. Two, because she gets to have Lee's Chinese Palace and someone else is paying for it. And three because according to her this guy is the hottest guy she's ever seen. I want a really hot guy to ask me out on a date. But no, all I get are the other people who are taking the nightly business class with me. Buffy is the one who gets asked out on actual dates because she looks like the kinda girl you wanna bring home to mom. I'm the one who gets out ask to the dance clubs, and the bars and places like that in hopes that I'll get drunk enough to let the other person fuck me.

Don't worry though 'cause everything is all good. She's gonna tell Romeo that she's married so she can't actually date him. She did tell me that she might not do it right away because she kinda of wants to see where this is going to lead. Yeah, she's crazy. I do understand it. We're getting older, we have kids, we no longer have to beat the guys off with a stick. So when a really hot guy does pay attention to you it makes you feel special. She just wants to feel that way for a little bit before she ends it. I trust her completely, and I know she would never cheat on me. But still, this is crap. She gets to go out and I'm stuck here with the kids. I love my kids and everything, but everyone could use a break once in a while. And taking care of kids is a lot harder when you're by yourself.

Things aren't that crazy though. Addy's in her room playin with Brad, Mattie's still at school, and Joey is takin his nap. So I'm sitting on the couch, watchin TV, and Ruby is passed out in my lap. I had to save her earlier because those little monsters known as four-year-olds wanted to use the markers to color her purple. And she's tired anyway. Yesterday at the vet's she had to get all kinds of shots and he said that some of them might make her a little drowsy for a couple days. And in this house if you don't move fast enough you can fall prey for the little devils. Mattie won't really do anything because he's older and knows better. Addy and Joey on the other hand are evil when it comes to the animals. Addy will hold 'em down and dress 'em up, or color on 'em, and all sorts of weird shit. Joey will just do the typical baby stuff, pullin on the ears, and the tail, and the fur. Poor little dog is so stressed I think she's about to have a breakdown.

I turn off the TV because there's nothing on, and I notice the one thing that parents always notice even though they don't want to. It's quiet in this house, way too quiet. Great, now I have to get up and investigate because those kids could be doing God knows what. So I put the dog down on the floor, and she whines, and takes a couple of steps away from the couch before she collapses and goes back to sleep. I get up and start walking around. Nope, they're not in the kitchen trying to steal junk food from the cupboards. I was going to stall and check all the other rooms in the house before checking Addy's room, but I think I'll just skip that and go straight there. I have to admit I am a little afraid of what I might catch them doing. Four-year-olds do the weirdest shit ever. If you don't believe me then ask someone who has one and they'll tell you that they do weird shit.

So, now I'm standing in front of Addy's door. It's closed, and she knows she's supposed to keep it open whenever she plays in there. It helps stop her from doing the really weird shit. I can them whispering inside but I can't hear exactly what they're saying. I can't help but imagine what the future is gonna be like. When my little baby girl is twelve or thirteen, and she has a boy over at the house, and they're sitting outside on the porch swing, and she gets her very first kiss. Me and Buffy will probably be watching from the kitchen window, because that's just what parents do when their daughter brings home a boy. Now in this little vision I'm having I can't really put a face to the boy who presses his lips against my daughter's 'cause she's only four so I don't know what her type is gonna be. But that's not the point, the point is I need to open the door now and find out what's going on.

I slowly open the door 'cause I don't want them to be aware of me right away. I can't believe my eyes, my jaw actually drops a little bit. And it's nothing dirty like I thought it was going to be. I thought they were going to be completely naked and playing doctor or something like that. But nope. Brad has his shirt off, and he's lying on the floor on his stomach, and Addy is drawing on his back with the markers. I guess when I took the puppy away she found a new victim. I feel relieved that they weren't doing anything under the belt, but I'm pissed because she knows not to color on people, or herself. When she started asking me about the tattoo on my arm, again, I explained to her what it is and now she wants to become a tattoo artist. And somehow she suckered Brad into letting her draw on him. Well, I don't know exactly how she did it, but I'm not surprised, the kid is kind of a pushover.

"Addison Kristine!" I yell and it makes her jump and she messes up whatever picture she was drawing on him. She looks surprised and a little scared for like two seconds, but then she sees the fat red line that's going straight through the picture and she looks pissed. I have to bite my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling 'cause that'll just make her even more pissed off and we don't want that. When she gets really pissed she screams, and I don't want to deal with that right now. So I need to stay calm because if I don't then she'll just get all uppity

"You made me ruin it!" she yells and jumps up off the floor. Brad sits up too and he looks really scared. He tries to put his shirt back on but I stop him. The marker is washable but his mom will still kill me if she sees it. Apparently they're neat freaks or something, and Connie is scary as hell when she wants to be. And I'm a fuckin slayer, and this chick can intimidate me. Everybody thinks it's so hilarious, but let me tell you that shit isn't funny. Connie really does scare me, more then any demon ever has.

"Addison you know you're not supposed to color on people." My voice isn't as loud or as mad as it was before. Mostly because I don't care. She's coloring with nontoxic, washable marker, who cares? Buffy does, which is why I have to make her stop. Addison drew all over her arms and she let Brad color on her face. "Come on, let's get you two cleaned up." I take 'em into the bathroom and take out a couple of washcloths from under the sink. I get 'em wet with warm water and some soap. "Now hold still." I wash off Brad's back and it doesn't take too long. He holds still and doesn't put up a fight. I know better then to think that Addy will go that quietly. When little Brad is done I have him go into the bedroom and put his shirt back on. Then I rinse the rag off, and put on some more soap. "Ok, Addy, your turn." She backs away a little bit and gets a defiant look on her face.

"No. I like my pictures. I don't want to wash 'em off, Mama," she tries to make herself sound pathetic, like she's begging or something. She's pretty good at it. She backs away a little more and I give her a warning look. It won't do any good, but I have to at least try. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I don't understand why I can't get my kids to listen to me. Mattie is kinda the same way. I guess this is what happens when two stubborn as people reproduce; you get stubborn ass kids.

"Addison, you can't keep your pictures. Now get over here." She makes an irritated noise and backs away some more. Fuckin kid, I swear. "Addison I'm not playin with you, now get over here." She just stands there, pouting and looking pissed off. I reach over and grab onto her arm and pull her towards me. She yells out and fights it but I got a pretty good hold on her. I have to force myself not to spank her. Me and B don't believe in doing that, but sometimes it's hard to remember why. Like when she's acting like this. "Hold still." I start to wash the marker off her arms but she's trying to get away. "Do you want me to spank you?" She shakes her head no and stops fighting. I feel like an ass using that shit against her, but nothing else is working. After I get her all washed off I hold onto her chin and lift her head up a little so she's looking at me.

"I'm sorry I got mad, but you need to start listening, ok?" I ask in a soft tone and she nods her head yes. Year right, I give it five minutes before she starts acting up again. "Alright, give me a kiss." I pucker up and she gives me a kiss on my lips and runs out of the room. Little brat. I get up and go back into the living room. "You two play out here now. Grab some toys and bring 'em out to the living room." They don't argue which is fuckin weird, but whatever. I sit my lazy ass down on the couch and start watching TV again. I'm feeling a little restless, and anxious or whatever. One of my legs won't stop shakin a little, and it's driving me a little crazy. I know it's because of Buffy. I trust her, I know she won't cheat on me, but I don't trust the guy she's goin out with. Yeah she's a slayer and she can take care of herself, but he can still make a pass at her, and I'm not there to tell him to fuck off.

"Lucy, I'm home!" Mattie yells as he runs through the door. He slams it shut and tosses his backpack over by the couch. Addy jumps up off the floor and runs over to him. She gives him a big hug and starts talking a mile a minute about all the stuff she did today. He's only half listening as he walks into the kitchen with her at his heels, and he gets something outta the fridge. He walks back into the living room and sits down on the couch and opens up the soda. Well, he looks like he's in a really good mood. I wonder what's up? Something had to have happened or else he wouldn't be smiling the way he is. "We got a new teacher today." His teacher quit right before Christmas break, and they had a substitute for a couple days, and now I guess they have the replacement. It takes a little bit of coaxing before he opens up about the new teach and I have to hide my smile. "Her name's Ms. Marino. And she's really nice."

I bet she is. It seems my little boy has a crush on the new teach. I think maybe tomorrow I'll pick him up from school, see if I can meet this Ms. Marino who has obviously stolen my little boy's heart. It probably won't last more then a week. She'll give the class some assignment that they don't wanna do and he'll view her as just another teacher and nothing more. I remember when I was in eighth grade I had the fattest crush on my history teacher, Mrs. Alvarez. Now that was a fine piece of ass. She was tall, tan, long black hair, dark eyes, and a hint of a Spanish accent. I remember one day we didn't really have anything to do because we just finished a test and she didn't have anything else planned so she tried to teach us some Spanish. I have no idea what she was saying, but it sounded hot coming from her. I'm getting a little worked up just thinking about it.

"Do you have any homework?" I ask him and he nods his head, but he doesn't take his eyes off the TV. "Alright, half an hour of relaxing then I want it done." He nods his head again but he could really care less about what I'm saying right now. We've never had a problem with him and homework, and I thank God for that everyday. I glance over at the clock on the cable box and I sigh and shift around a little bit. All the kids can tell that I'm anxious, but I'm not even trying to hide it, and they're not stupid. But I have to try and hide it because they're getting nervous and uncomfortable. I wonder what they're talking about? When me and Buffy had our very first date we talked a lot, but I don't think Buffy would tell that guy what she told me. It was some pretty personal stuff. She finally admitted to feeling the double H rule, and how frustrating it was for her when Angel was back because they couldn't sleep together, and apparently me being around only made matters worst.

I wonder if she's told him that she's married yet. I mean, she has to tell him. I'm not mad that she's having lunch with this guy but I'll be pissed if she didn't tell him about her marriage. I mean, I'm supposed to be the love of her life, right? That's what she tells me. Ok, I need to stop obsessing about this. She'll tell him. She wouldn't just lead on some poor guy like that, and she would never cheat on me. Then I get an image in my mind, the memory of seeing Buffy pressed up against the kitchen counter, getting fucked by that redhead. But that doesn't count, we were broken up so technically that wasn't cheating. And we made up, and we got back together and now we're married with two more kids. Now I really need to stop thinking about this before it drives me crazy.

I hear Joseph start crying and I thank God for the distraction. I get up and hand the remote to Mattie, and he instantly turns it from whatever channel it was on. I don't even know what we were watching, would've been porn for all I know. No, I think I would have noticed that. Anyway, I got into the bedroom and my baby boy is standing up in his crib, holding onto the rail, and crying. There's no tears or anything, he isn't upset, he just wants out of his crib. I pick him up and he stops crying. He's still a little groggy, and he yawns really wide and rests his head against my shoulder. I love this feeling, I always have and I always will. When your baby wants you for comfort, and when they rest their little bodies against yours, and put their head on your shoulder, and just sit there peacefully. I can't describe exactly how it feels emotionally, but trust me when I say that it's better then heaven. I'm sure Buffy would agree with me on this one.

"Hey Moose, did you have a nice nap?" I ask but he doesn't respond. It's not like I was expecting him to say anything, but sometimes he'll nod his head or say something in baby speak. I gently rub his back and I hear him yawn again. I smile and walk over to the bed. I gently lay him down, then get a fresh diaper and the box of wipes. He starts whining right away and kicking his legs, but he doesn't try to crawl away. I guess he knows it's useless. "I haven't even touched you yet, what are you whining for?" He just whines some more and keeps kicking his legs. I take off his shorts, and unbutton the onesie, and take off the dirty diaper. It's just urine so nothing too gross. He keeps whining until I have the new diaper on and all of his clothes buttoned back up. "There, ya whiner." I pick him up and carry him into the living room with the others. He lights up when he sees Addy, and when I put him down on the ground he crawls over to her and tries to take her toy.

"No, Joey, stop!" she yells and pushes him back. But he's a slayer too so he's stubborn and strong, and he isn't going to go down without a fight. And she just keeps getting frustrated. She screeches which hurts my ears like hell, and rips the toy out of his hands. But he's persistent, and he tries to crawl on top of her so he can reach the toy. "Mama, make him stop!" I can't help but roll my eyes a little bit. I walk over to them and sit down next to Brad. I try to distract Joey with the other toys that are on the floor that aren't being played with, but he wants the toy that Addy has, and there's no changing his mind. "Stop it, Joey!" I tell her to stop yelling and that just makes her mad. "Well then do something and I won't have to yell." Remind me again why I'm against spanking my kids? But then Ruby runs by and Joey sees her and he loses his interest in Addy's toy and crawls off after the dog.

"There, now you can stop screaming." I get up and sit back down on the couch. We have the living room surrounded with baby gates so I don't have to worry about Joey crawling into the kitchen and drinking the Drain-O or anything. I do glace over at him every once in a while to make sure he isn't hurting the puppy. But that's not the case. He's trying to crawl away, most likely back towards his sister, but Ruby has a hold of his shorts and she's pulling for all she's worth. He's whining and trying to get her off but she won't budge. I start laughing a little bit, but I'm trying not to 'cause that would just be mean. But then he just gives up the fight altogether, and lays down flat on the floor, with his arms spread out wide, and his face in the carpet. And he's just crying as hard as he can. Ruby is pulling on his shorts, and thrashing her head from side to side, and if I don't stop her she's gonna rip a hole in those shorts, and make my boy have a nervous breakdown.

"Alright, Ruby stop it." I kneel down there and make the dog let him go. She tries to bite him again until I give her a little smack on the nose. "No." She runs off and starts playing with her squeaky mouse since there's nothing else for her to play with in the living room. And then I feel Buffy at the front door. I look up and wait for her to walk in here. She calls out to us to announce her presence and Addy jump up and runs over to her and starts huggin her and telling her all about her day, but I don't think Buffy's listening. She looks a little...weirded out is the best way to describe it. She puts her purse on the end table and walks into the kitchen. She gets something out of the fridge and walks into the living room and sits down on the couch. She twists the cap off the beer bottle and takes a long swig. She downs half of it before pulling the bottle away from her mouth and taking a deep breath. "So, what happened?" She gets a disturbed look on her face.

"I think he wanted to breed with me," she says and takes another swig of beer. Me and Mattie give her a confused look, but the other kids have no idea what she's talking about. "He called me beautiful a couple of times, which I thought was really nice, but then he started talking about how he wants more kids and it freaked me out a little. Then he asked if I want to have more, and I told him that I can't because of the complication I had with Joey, and he dropped the subject completely. It was weird, and when he asked me out to dinner for Saturday night I apologized about not telling him sooner that I'm married." She takes another long drink from the bottle and rubs her thumb against the label for a few seconds. "So, not this weekend but the weekend after we're all going to the Adventure dome. He said that just because we can't date it doesn't mean we can't be friends." I sit down on the couch next to Buffy and take a drink from her beer.

"Nothing wrong with making new friends. He has a daughter Addy's age, right?" I ask and Buffy nods her head yes. So, Addy can make a new friend, see, there's nothing bad about this at all. Except this guy wanted to fuck my wife. I don't think I'm going to become best friends with this guy. "We can have Emma babysit Joey, 'cause he's still too little for that place." If we take him we'll just have to leave in a couple hours 'cause he'll get fussy and that place is kinda expensive. The kids are really excited about it, but Mattie seems a little weary. Good, I don't want all my kids to think this guy is the coolest thing since sliced bread. They're supposed to think that about me. But I guess it doesn't matter. It's just one day, and after that we never have to see him again. "Are you sure we have to go? I mean, we could just blow this guy off, tell him we don't have enough for all of us to go." Buffy rolls her eyes and takes her beer back.

"He insisted on paying for everything, and he's not going to take no for an answer." Sweet, we are totally going. I can't wait. I love that place almost as much as the kids do. And I'm not just talking about my kids, I'm talking about all of the kids and teenagers that go there. Now I suddenly can't wait for next Saturday to hurry up and get here.


	61. The Departure part 1

**The Following Night.** FPOV

Red got here about five seconds ago. She called about an hour ago sayin that she got most of this dream shit figured out. She wouldn't give anything away over the phone, which is frustrating as hell. The only thing we could think of was that it was gonna be really bad news, but now she's here, and she seems really…enthused, I guess is the right word. Whatever it is she has to tell us she's excited about it, so it can't be all bad news. Sky's with her and looking a little anxious. The whole scene is pretty fuckin weird. Willow's carrying this funky wooden box, with these weird symbols carved all over it. The thing reeks of power, and it's making me a little nervous. I'm not the only one, the dogs are a little weary too. I'm sure if the kids were up they'd be able to feel it too, but they went to bed a couple hours ago.

"Before you start explain," I say as we sit down at the kitchen table. "This shit doesn't have to do with a prophecy, right?" Willow shakes her head no so I let out a little breath of relief. Prophecies are generally harder to deal with and take longer to stop, if they can be stopped. There are something you just can't change. My leg is shakin a little bit 'cause I'm pretty fuckin nervous. I want to hurry up and get this over with. I want to know what's going on with my baby girl. She puts the box down on the table, and I look at it. The power feels almost magnetic. I want to open the box and see what's inside. But I know better. You don't mess around with weird, mystical boxes. I learned that from Pandora's lesson. "So what the fuck is goin on?" Red looks like she's gonna piss herself so she's excited. So I wanna know why.

"Let me start by saying that Addison isn't a Seer, or prophetic in any way. She doesn't have the ability to see into the future, and I highly doubt she ever will." Ok, so that's good news, I guess. That means all of this shit is going to stop, and what she saw were really dreams. Right? "This is going to seem pointless." She looks into my eyes when she says this. "But, please no interruptions." I nod my head a little and she continues. "When I did the spell that called all of the slayers the essence of the slayer was split into thousands of little pieces. The other slayers in the world are real slayers, but it's diluted, it isn't pure." And why do we need to know this shit? "The of you are pure because you were chosen by natural selection." She pauses and I can tell she's trying to find an easier way to explain it.

"Addison...is the true essence of the first slayer. It's stronger in her then it is in anyone else in the world, even you two. Unless you two have another girl the essence will never be this strong again. Because of how powerful it is she's connected to every slayer in the world. The dreams she's been having really did happen. She saw them while they were happening, there's nothing we could have done to stop the murders because we didn't know." Doesn't stop me from feeling a little guilty, and even more pissed off. My baby girl saw real murders, and all of those girls were slayers? "Now she doesn't see every death. The reason she's been having these dreams is because of what happened right before the girls were killed." Willow picks up her bag off the floor and pulls out a bunch of newspaper clippers. She hands them over and they're articles about all of the bodies that have been found. According to this the crimes have been committed by a serial killer the media has dubbed 'the C-Town strangler'.

"But you said you saw a man kill that girl, Will. No normal person can hurt a slayer unless she lets them, let alone kill her. Is he a god or something?" B asks and hands the clippings back to Willow. She doesn't want to see the pictures. I got a good look at them, and now I feel sick to my stomach. All of the bodies had been found without their organs, and the girls had been strangled to death, other then that there seem to be no connections between the murders. Other then the fact that all of these girls were slayers. "Can you cut to the chase, Will. Not that I don't how much effort you've obviously put into this, but I already have a headache." Leave it up to Buffy to make me smile in the mist of all this grim bullshit.

"Alright, cut to the chase. The serial killer isn't a god, he's a warlock. He casts a spell to strip the girl of her slayer powers and then he kills her." Oh. So what the fuck does that have to do with Addy? "Addison is seeing all of this because she's connected to the essence of the slayer in every girl around the world. He's taking away the slayer, and she's seeing it because of the sheer mystical force of it. If the warlock wasn't taking away their power, then Addison wouldn't be seeing it, we wouldn't even know that it's one person doing this, we all would've thought they were dieing in the line of duty." She has a point, but I still hate that Addy had to go through all of this shit. I look at the box again and I'm about to ask what it's for, but then I decide not to. I think I'd rather wait until she's ready to explain it. Knowing Red she'll wanna cast some spell on my baby, and I'm gonna be really reluctant.

"So who's committing the murders?" B asks the million dollar question. He's committing crimes against slayers, which makes this our territory. So yes Red, who is this fuckin prick that I'm gonna hunt down and kill with my bare hands? I guess Willow picked up on my thoughts 'cause she went a little pale and she's giving me a funny look. She also doesn't wanna say who it is, but she's going to. She knows who it is, and I know she knows who it is. And she knows, that I know that she knows who it is. So she's going to say, even if I have to force it outta her. She licks her lips and shifts in her chair. She looks a little scared now, but she's controlling it. Sky gets all protective of her, and puts a hand on Red's lower back, and gives me a little glare that means 'back the fuck off'. I guess she hear my mind babble too.

"A warlock named Ryder. His father used to work for the Council. He was supposed to follow in his father's footsteps, but then Caleb blew it up. What he destroyed was the Watcher's Council, but they had people working for them, special operation, covert type people, and their headquarters aren't anywhere near the Watcher's Council HQ. His father was one of the men on the retrieval team that was sent to Sunnydale after you woke up from your coma." Red looks at me, but I have no fuckin clue what she's talking about. "He dealt with...what did Giles call it?...Oh, the 'wet works'." Oh, now I remember. Well, I remember being in Buffy's body and glad that she was getting shipped off to England and not me. "I remember, Buffy, you telling me how one of the guys spit in your face, said that you had perverted the Watcher's Council." That really happened? That asshole would've spit in my face? Can't say that I didn't deserve it, but still.

"I guess his son thinks the same thing. I went back to my roots and hacked into his hard drive. He's been talking back and forth through e-mails with some other people, other members of the special operations unit, for the last few years. They all moved on, and told him to do the same, but he said he couldn't, that he had to continue his father's work. He talked about trying to rebuild the Watcher's Council to the way it used to be, and then he just disappeared. About three weeks later is when the first killing happened, over a year ago." She pulls out a file out of her bag. It's a personal file of one of the slayers that went to the slayer school. "Her name was Gina Cole. We thought it was some type of demon that killed her, because all the organs were gone, and her body was completely mutilated. Some species of demons will keep the organs for rituals and that sort of thing." Gross.

"I have a team of girls out tracking him right now. The magic's professor cast a protection spell over them so no magic can be cast on them. When they catch Ryder, they're going to take him back to the school and he'll be locked up in a magic free room until we can figure out what to do with him. Once he's caught he won't be able to cast that spell anymore, and the nightmares will go away. And don't worry, I'll make it so he can never cast a spell again." I really don't like that look she's getting in her eyes right now, so I'm not gonna say anything. I really want to go to Ohio and beat the shit outta that guy, but at the same time I just want to get back to normal. He's caused so much shit in our lives. I look back to the box on the table. Willow has her hand on top of it, like she's expecting me to reach over and take it from her or something. Yeah right, like I'd ever do that...while she's looking in my direction.

"So, what's with the magic box?" B asks in a very curious voice. What's that saying about curiosity and a cat? Curiosity helped the cat live a longer life? No, it's the exact opposite of that. She better be careful or her snooping might get her hurt. I'm only saying that because the box is kinda freaking me out, and I'd rather just have it gone then find out what it does. Willow looks down at it for a few seconds and she's deep in thought. Then she looks over at Sky and the younger slayer gets a little nervous. She tenses up and cast a glance at the box, and then back to Willow. Hmm, I wonder what that's all about? I guess we're gonna find out.

"Well, I want to make one hundred percent sure that I'm right about this. Addison hasn't had any dreams about any other slayers dieing, so I'm pretty sure I'm right. But I want to rule out any doubt. So I was going to take the slayer essence away from Sky, temporarily, and see if Addison dreams it." So she wants to use Sky as a guinea pig, and she actually agreed to it? Fuck, Willow must be dynamite in the sack to get someone to agree to that shit. "Hey!" Both Red and Sky yell out at the same time. "And yes I am." She smiles that little smile where the tip of her tongue sticks out between her teeth, and Sky gives me a little nod and wink. Buffy looks thoroughly confused but I think she'd rather stay in the dark on this one. "Anyway, if you two don't mine we'd like to try it out." All I do is nod. I really need a cigarette.

"If it's the only way to know one hundred percent," Buffy says and then goes quiet. She's feeling uneasy about this too. It isn't just the spell that bugging me or the powerful, magnetic feel from that damn box. It's what Willow's about to do. She's about to take away what Sky really is. Or at least a huge chunk of her. It isn't right, and I'd rather her not do it but if it's the only way to find out for sure if this is why my baby keeps seeing horrible murders then I'll let her do it. She picks up the box and we head into the living room. She and Sky sit down on the floor across from each other Indian style, and Sky looks wicked nervous. Willow is the definition of calm, and I guess seein her calm is helpin Sky relax, 'cause she doesn't look as nervous now. She reaches over and opens up the box. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

BPOV

Everything that Willow said was a big shock, and I'm still not totally over it. I mean, my daughter is connected to every slayer in the world, that's pretty huge. From what Willow said I'm guessing Addison can be trained or whatever to use the connection to feel the other slayers' emotions and stuff like that. The reason why the murders are happening was another huge surprise. Someone is trying to restore the old Council, so he's killing off innocent girls while they're completely helpless? I feel all sorts of emotions right now that it's all a little overwhelming. Guilt is a big one. I can't help but think that if we were there in Ohio, if we hadn't abandoned the girls after the school was first set up, then maybe these deaths wouldn't have happened. Maybe a lot of other deaths wouldn't have happened. I know that it's not our fault, I know that us being there wouldn't have made a difference but I can't help but feel that way.

But I need to stay focused on what's happening right now. Faith I sit down on the couch and watch the little exchange going on with the witches. Well, the witch and the witch-slayer hybrid. I can tell just by their facial expressions that they're communicating telepathically. I'm sure if I concentrated hard enough I'd be able to intercept the conversation, but I think it would be best if I gave them their privacy. And by the look on Willow's face I don't think I want to know what they're talking about. Probably something dirty. Anyway, when they're done with the little exchange of silent words, Willow reaches over and slowly opens the box. The almost magnetic pull that the box has on me doubles and I hold onto Faith's hand because it's making me nervous, and I need to feel her to stay calm. She gently squeezes my hand so I know that not only is she here for me, but she's feeling it too.

Willow starts to chant in a language I've never heard before. A lot of things happen at once that kind of freak me out, and put me even more on edge. The first thing to happen is the dogs are freaking out. Tucker is running in circles and barking, and snarling. The only time I've ever seen him act this way was in Ohio when Angel came to visit me. Then the lights start flickering which just adds to the whole creepy aspect of what's happening. I feel Faith wrap her arm around my lower back, and her hand rests on my hip. Aww, she's being protective. Even with all this weird, and stressful stuff happening I still think that's adorable. Anyway, getting back to the point. Now the room is filling with tension. It's coming mostly from me and Faith, but it's almost palpable. The air feels thick, and I'm having a difficult time breathing.

But we both stay quiet and we keep watching. I can't take my eyes off of Sky, and it's not because I think she's hot. She looks ill, like someone is draining the life out of her. She has sweat slowly dripping from her hairline, and she's shaking. As the tension in the room grows Willow's voice gets louder. The volume seems to have an effect on Sky, and her entire body is tensing up. Then a black cloud starts to snake its way out of her chest. It swirls around in small circles and makes its way over to the box sitting next to Willow. I don't know how long it takes, but the more of the black smoke that comes out of Sky the weaker she looks. Until it's finally over, and she collapses onto her back. She's breathing hard, and sweating like she ran a marathon. Willow seems to come out of a trance and she's instantly at Sky's side.

So this is what that man has been doing to the girls. Casting a spell, making them weak and helpless, and then killing them in cold blood because he has an agenda? He honestly thinks that his way is better? That a slayer needs to be controlled by a group of people, then used mercilessly until she dies? I feel a little nauseous now but I bite it back. I watch as Willow gently caresses Sky's cheek and helps her to her feet. They walk over to the loveseat and sit down. Sky still looks really weak, but she's getting a little better. The color in her face is starting to come back. I know just by the way she's touching me that Faith's upset, and I mean really upset by this. I am too, but for some reason it's effecting her more. Maybe it's because what the Council wanted to do to her. They were willing to just kill her like an animal. Of course she didn't know any of it until I told her because of the body switch.

I get up and check on Addison. The whole point of doing that was to see if my baby girl would dream about it. I slowly open her bedroom door and step inside. I sit down on the edge of her bed and just watch her. I know it seems a little creepy, but I feel like I need to just watch. She's laying on her side facing me. Her hair is an awful mess and I'm going to have a hell of a time brushing it out in the morning. Her eyebrows are furrowed, and she has a little frown on her face. She whines a little in her sleep, and moves around. Now she's laying on her back, one little hand is resting on her stomach, the other is on her forehead and it makes me smile because she does that whenever she wants to be really dramatic about something. I reach over and gently shake her shoulder so I can wake her up. It takes a few minutes, but then she slowly opens her eyes and looks at me.

"Hi baby," I whisper and gently caress her forehead and stroke her hair. She feels a little warm, but she always does after she has one of those dreams. Before I thought it was just her body's reactions to the nightmares, but now I think it's because of the magic involved. She shifts around a little bit and gets a little more comfortable. She's laying on her side again, still looking up at me and I feel bad for waking her up. "Did you have another dream?" She nods her head a little bit but she doesn't say anything. She yawns very widely and rubs her eyes. I hope she'll be able to go back to sleep after this. "Did you see the bad man?" She shakes her head no and I sigh a small breath of relief. "Did you see aunt Willow, and Sky?" She nods her head yes and yawns again. I lean forward and give her a kiss on the forehead. "Go back to sleep, angel girl." I get up to leave, but stop at the door. When I turn around to tell her I love her, she's already asleep again.

It's going to be over soon. The nightmares, the bedwetting, the screaming, the waking up at two in the morning in complete terror, all of it. As soon as this monster is caught Addison won't have to deal with any of this anymore. She can go back to dreaming of pony filled meadows, with rivers of chocolate, and purple bunnies hopping around without a care in the world. Or whatever it is four-year-old girls usually dream about. The benefits about all this ending isn't just for Addison, me and Faith have some too. We won't feel helpless that someone is hurting our baby girl and we can't stop it. We won't have to stress about waking up at two in the morning to a screaming, panicking kid, or have to wash off her dirty bed sheets everyday. We'll finally be able to get some sleep, and relax, and not feel like we failed as parents. Parents are supposed to protect their children, and with this guy hurting her without us knowing how to stop it we felt like we weren't doing our jobs.

"Red, I don't have time to talk this out, just take me there," I hear Faith say in a very irritated voice when I walk back into the living room. All three of them are standing up, Sky still looks weak but she's trying to hide it and not doing a very good job. Faith is irritated as hell, and Willow looks a little annoyed. I ask what's going on and Faith turns to look at me. Her dark eyes are burning with anger, and determination and just by looking into those chocolate browns I know exactly what's going on. "I need to get to Ohio, but your friend won't teleport me there." Whenever Faith gets really irritated with someone she disassociates herself from them. Like whenever Addison argues with Faith and she doesn't want to deal with it she'll tell me 'your daughter is being a pain in the ass'.

"Faith, you're not listening to what I'm saying. It's too dangerous, you're not used to teleporting, or having that much magic in your body. As soon as we get there you could collapse, your heart could stop, or you could just die. It's not a good idea." She's concerned for Faith, that's why she's arguing. She knows exactly why my stubborn wife wants to go to Cleveland, and she's not ignoring that fact. "I know you want to be there. I know you want to catch this guy, but I have a team of the best slayers on it. They're protected from the magics so they can hunt this guy without him turning the tables around on them. You should stay here, with your family, and help Addison move on from this." Faith shakes her head a little bit, and I know she's going to argue some more. She doesn't just want to be there, she needs to be there. She needs to see the monster who's killed who knows how many girl, and who hurt our baby. I know, because I feel the need too.

"Will you should take her." My best friend looks at me with wide eyes. I guess she thought I was going to be on her side. "I know it's dangerous, but if I can survive it, and Dawn can survive it, then so can Faith." She nods her head a little bit and looks away from me. She doesn't like to remember that horrible time in Sunnydale when Tara was shot, and she tried to kill all of us. But I know I'm right about this. Willow's just coming up with excuses because she doesn't think it's a good idea for Faith to be near this guy. She might kill him, we're all aware, but I can't say that I wouldn't do the same. He needs to be taken to the police after Willow does a binding spell. She can do one powerful enough to last two lifetimes, and her magic is strong enough that only she can undo the spell.

"Ok. But you're only going to catch this guy. I'm going to do a biding spell, then we're going to turn him in." She sounds very stern, and I have to bite back a smile. She's going to make a good mom one day. Faith nods her head a little bit, but I know she doesn't mean it. She won't kill him, but she'll hurt him bad enough that he'll probably beg for death. I ask Willow if she's going to put the slayer back in Sky and she gets a little sheepish. "Not right now. That's a little more painful then taking it out." I nod my head a little bit, and look over at Sky. She doesn't look weak anymore. She's recovered from the spell, but she looks nervous, and I know exactly how she feels. When Giles gave me those drugs to suppress my slayer powers I felt weak, and helpless, and I was on edge because I couldn't protect myself.

"Be careful, ok?" I tell Faith and she wraps her arms around me. I nuzzle her neck a little bit and she just holds me. I feel so safe in her arms, I always have. "Don't do anything stupid. I want this guy to pay as much as you do, but don't you dare do anything that'll take you away from us." I feel her nod her head and she knows I mean it. We pull away from the hug at the same time and she kisses me. I don't know how long she's going to be gone. They don't know where he lives, and they don't know when he's going to try and kill another girl. She could be gone for a few hours, or a few days, maybe even a couple of weeks. I hope she's back soon though because I'll miss her too much. Now that this is finally going to be over I just want to spend time with my entire family.

"I love you," I whisper and gently caress her face. She says it back and gives me another little kiss. Then she walks over to Willow and they hold hands. The air in the room gets thick again, and white light starts to spark in between them. Then with a little puff of smoke they're both gone. I look over at Sky and she gives me a small smile, but I can tell she's worried. We go into the kitchen and make some coffee. We sit down at the table and we're both quiet. It isn't awkward like I thought it was going to be. We're both lost in our own thoughts, and I guess we're too preoccupied to worry about an awkward silence. I just hope Faith is going to be ok. She can get reckless when she lets her emotions get the best of her. She's very…passionate about almost everything she does, and I think this time she might be a little too passionate. God, please let her be ok.


	62. The Anticlimactic Capture part 2

**The Same Night.** FPOV

"I love you too," I tell her and give her another little kiss. She's upset that I'm leaving, but she understands why I have to go. I need to bring this monster in. I need to know what he looks like. I need to look him in the eyes and see if there's any humanity left inside of him. When the kiss ends I look into her eyes and silently promise her to bring this asshole down. I'm supposed to protect this family, and I haven't been doing a very good job of it. I let go of her and walk over to Willow. She holds out her hands and I take them without question. I look into her eyes and I feel the air around us getting thicker. I can't look away from her eyes, it's like I have tunnel vision or I'm in a trance or something.

Then I feel like an electrical jolt just hit me in the chest, but I can't move, and it doesn't go away. It's like a steady current passing from Red's body to mine. The power keeps building, and building and I know something's gotta give. There's no way we can keeps this up without one of us getting killed or at least hurt. I can see the tiny drops of sweat sliding their way between Willow's eyes. The firm look of concentration keeps me calm and I don't panic, or try to pull away from her. In the background I hear something pop, and now I feel like I'm spinning. Very slowly, but still spinning and my stomach feels like it just dropped to my feet. The current flowing between us tightens around my chest like a rope and I can't breathe. I have a feeling that Willow is doing this on purpose, making this experience as horrible as possible so I'll never want to do it again.

The spinning suddenly stops, and my feet unexpectantly touch something solid and I fall down. I hear gasps and the sounds of chairs scraping across a wooden floor. People are crowding around me but I want some room to breathe. I can Willow telling them to back off, that I'll be fine when I get some air, but her voice sounds muffled. Maybe 'cause it sounds like my heart decided to relocate to my ears. God, that fuckin sucked. I'd rather take a plane back and feel jetlagged then go through that shit again. I slowly flutter my eyes open, and when my head stops feeling like it's going to explode I keep 'em open. From this angel I'd say I'm laying on the floor of Giles' office, and from the smell of tea and scotch and I know I'm right. I start to sit up and that's when the nausea comes back.

"Oh my God, are you alright? You have us totally freaking out over here," an unfamiliar voice assaults my ears, and the pain causes me to wince hella fuckin loud. I get to my feet and then collapse in the big leather chair that Giles sits in. I guess he left or something 'cause he's not in the room anymore. Who is in the room are four girls that I've never seen before. They look like they're freshmen, maybe sophomores, and probably not used to people just showing up like that. Well, they live on a hellmouth they should learn to expect the unexpected. The one problem with that little saying that no one has been able to explain to me is: if something is unexpected, then how can you expect it?

"I'll be alright. Just gimme a few minutes a little pepto and I'll be as good as new." I look at the four slayers sitting on the other side of the desk and they all look a little freaked out. But they'll be fine, the shock is already starting to wear off. "So, why are you four in Giles' office at…" I look over at the clock and sigh a little bit. "Three in the morning?" What time was it when we left the house? How long did it take us to get here? Oh, wait. Three hour time difference between Lincoln and here. Forgot all about that. Before they can answer Giles comes runnin into the room with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. He hands it to Red, and she takes a big swig of it before putting the cap back on and tossing it to me. While I down the entire fuckin bottle I watch Giles give me a disapproving look, and I highly doubt it's for taking more then the recommended dose.

"You girls can go back to your rooms, but this is not going to be forgotten," he says and motions for me to get up. I roll my eyes, toss the empty bottle in the trash and stand next to Willow. He sits down in his chair all dramatic like, and takes a sip of his tea. The four girls get up and leave the room, and look relieved. So they were in trouble, huh? Wonder what they did to get them in trouble at three in the morning? They were still in their pajamas for Christ sake. Oh well, not my problem. "You should go back to Lincoln, we're handling the situation. There's no need for you to get involved." No need for me to get involved. When did Giles start smoking crack? I think we need to send him to rehab immediately, or at least hold an intervention.

"Were you even gonna tell us?" I ask and sit down in one of the empty chairs. "Girls are being slaughtered by some serial killing freak, and you didn't think me and B would want to help out?" He takes another sip of his tea, then sets the cup down on the little saucer thingy. He takes off his glasses and starts cleaning them while he talks. Normally I think all of his little habits are kinda funny, and nice to see because it means that not everything in our lives has totally changed, but sometimes Giles annoys the hell outta me. Right now is one of those times.

"If the situation escalated and we couldn't bring Ryder in on our own then I would have asked you for assistance. You and Buffy have made it perfectly clear that you want very little to do with the school and the goings on, on this hellmouth." Oh fuck that. He is so not blaming this on us. He left us out of something important that we would want to know about. He knows that all he has to do is ask for help and we'll drop whatever we're doing and get on the first plane to Cleveland. We may not want to move here or 'take an active roll' like he wants us to, but there's no fuckin way he's gonna make me feel any guiltier about this shit.

"That's bullshit!" I yell and slam my fist down on his desk. It cracks a little and his eyes narrow. Good, I'm glad his pissed. I hope this thing was an expensive as hell antique that can't be found anywhere else in the world. "You know we care about the girls, that's why Buffy came running when you needed her four years ago. Remember that? She left me, and our newborn daughter because your system was starting to fail. She came and cleaned up your mess because one girl was able to fuck it all up. Every time you've needed help we've been there, so don't you dare act like this time would've been any different." I suddenly feel very exhausted. I lean back against the cool leather of the chair and take in a deep breath.

"I didn't mean to imply that you and Buffy don't care about the girls. All I'm saying is that this situation is under control, and I didn't want to bother you with something we have a handle on. We have four of the best out there now in the areas where Ryder has struck the most, and only the slayers trained enough to handle someone as dangerous as him will be leaving the grounds for any reason." He stops talking and just looks into my eyes. We're staring each other down, and I know I'm gonna win. Giles is used to doing stuff like this, but I'm not just some hardheaded teenager who thinks it isn't fair she can't go out on a Saturday night. I'm Faith, I always win the stare downs. He finally caves and I give myself an imaginary pat on the back.

"But if you feel like you can contribute instead of being at home helping your wife with your three children." Jeez, go for the throat why don't you? "Then I don't see why you can't lend a helping hand." He opens up a drawer on his desk and pulls out a file. He opens it up and lays it out in front of me. I look down and see a picture of a girl that's paper clipped to the folder. The paper it's partially covering is some personal information on her. Ya know, name, age, hair color, eye color, height, names of her parents, her emergency contact information, stuff like that. Why did he give me this? "Her name is Hannah Moon. She's a freshman, and arrived just before Christmas. She comes from a more troubled home then some of the other girls. She's distant, a little…cold with her peers and teachers-"

"And you want me to talk to her because I'm from a broken home and maybe I can get her to open up?" I ask and he sighs at my attitude, but nods his head. "I can do that if you think it'll help. But I want in on Ryder first." He looks like he's going to argue so I cut him off before he gets a word out. "He's been stealing the girls' slayer powers and brutally murdering them, and my daughter saw it every single time. Fuck yes this is personal, and I am going to help whether you want me to or not." I close the folder and take it with me when I leave the room. I hope things around here haven't changed since the last time I was here, or I might not be able to find what I'm looking for.

I walk down the halls until I pass the faculty housing area. I open the big wooden door that doesn't have anything written on it, and I walk through. The door closes behind me with a loud slam and I walk down the dark hallway. It usually isn't this dark at night, but some of the light bulbs need to be replaced. I walk down to the very end of the hallway and open the door on the right. The light hits my eyes and blinds me for a couple of seconds. Why do they keep these room so fucking bright? Anyway, I walk into the 'crisis room' where five other people are sitting at a table, going over what to do with Ryder when they bring him in. The people are all teachers, and have specialties in areas that are going to be needed when Ryder is caught.

"Didn't expect Mr. Giles to pull out the big guns this early. Has something happened that we don't know about?" Carolyn Bates, the head psychologist, asks and everyone instantly looks worried. I absently nod my head no, and walk further into the room. I look down on the stuff at the table. They're maps of specific districts here in Cleveland, and there's little red dots probably from a marker, and I can only assume that those dots represent where the bodies were found. I set the file down on the edge of the large wooden table and take a seat. I didn't fully think this out and I'm not too sure what I want to do yet.

"No, nothing's happened that I know of. Giles did a pretty good job of leaving me out of the loop." I pull one of the maps closer to me and read the names of the streets. This is place is mostly industrial. Lots of warehouses and some of them are probably abandoned. "Is this were Holly was found?" I ask and look down at the little red dot. I don't know who, but one of them says yes and they go quiet again. "Where are the girls now?" I look up at the faces looking back at me with lots of concern and they look a little reluctant to tell me. "Giles knows I'm here and he knows I'm helping out. See." I hold up the file. "He gave this to me before I came here. So, what's your plan?"

"The plan is to catch this monster before he kills again," Chris Tinsdale, the head of the magical department, says and he has lots of anger in his voice. Not towards me or anything, but because this has been going on for almost a year and nobody knew it was a single person killing the girls and not demons. They couldn't have known. The bodies were left in places where demons hunt a lot, and the organs were taken which suggests they were being taken for rituals. And the killings happened all over the city, not just one place, so that didn't give off any signals that it was one thing doing the killing. Is that fact helping with my guilt? Fuck no. Because if I had done something sooner about Addy's nightmares then we would have figured out what was going on a lot sooner, and maybe most of the girls would still be alive.

"We have four of the slayers who fought in 'The Great Battle' out looking for him. Willow put up a barrier around them so Ryder can't perform the spell on them. They're in these areas here." He gets out of his chair and stands in front of a big white dry erase board and there's a large map of Cleveland taped to it, there's little red dots scattered all over the place, along with little blue ones. Four of the areas are circled with a black marker. "These are the areas where he's killed the most. We've looked over all the information we have on him, and all of the murders he's committed and there's nothing that suggests a pattern. He could be anywhere, and if he isn't caught tonight then tomorrow we're going to send slayers to all of the areas he's killed, and hopefully he won't catch onto what we're doing."

I stare at the circle in the far right. That's where most of the dots are. It's a wooded area and probably where he buried most of the bodies. Why did he bury them? I don't know, I guess I'll have to ask when I bring him in. I look around on the other walls of the room and there are weapons everywhere. Whenever a team of slayers is put together to go on a mission they meet here or in one of the other 'crisis rooms' and then they head out. This section of the school has more weapons then anywhere else, and there's enough to make up a small army. I stand up and walk by the two walls and look at every single weapon. There's everything you can think of. Swords, crossbows, axes, hatches, stakes, javelins, knives, tranquilizer guns, and some things I don't even know what they are, but they look pretty deadly.

"Are the girls out on foot?" I ask and grab a pair of the magically strengthened handcuffs and put 'em in my back pocket. Part of one wall is nothing but different types of restraints that Willow made stronger. There's ropes, chains, handcuffs, shackles, all different kinds, but I think handcuffs will work just fine. One of 'em says yes and I smile a little bit. I already know what four girls they brought in. Kennedy, Rona, Vi and Amanda. Those are the four who are on call whenever there's something big like this goin down. I haven't seen Cordelia so Kennedy came here alone at the last minute. "Call 'em, tell 'em to come back. I'm bringing in Ryder and I don't want anyone's help out there, they'll just get in my way. I'm not taking no for an answer so you might as well do it and get it over with." I grab one of the more impressive knives off the wall and put it in it's sheath and clip that to my belt.

I don't wait for them to answer me or pick up the phone, I just leave. I walk out of the building and out to the garage. I walk in through the side door and flick on the light. Not all of the cars are kept in here. This is the 'guest parking garage'. So the only things in here is two SUVs, a minivan, and Kennedy black Suzuki motorcycle. Cordelia refuses to ride on it because she thinks they're too dangers, but Cordelia didn't come with Kennedy so she brought this to get here faster. I smile a devilish little smile and take the keys off the hook. Normally no one is allowed out here expect for the owners of the cars, but I'm don't really feel like following the rules right now. I push the little button that opens up the large door and walk over to the bike.

I the helmet off the handle bar and slip it on. It's a perfect fit. I clip the little strap and slip onto the bike. I almost forgot what it's like to sit on one of these it's been so long since I've had one. I put in the key and start it up. The bike comes alive, and purrs between my legs and I remember exactly why I started riding in the first place. These things are better then any vibrator you can buy, almost better then sex itself. I turn on the headlight, kick up the kickstand, and gun it. I peel out, and I can smell the smoke behind me before the bike gains traction it needs, and it takes off. I am so getting one of these for my birthday, I don't care what Buffy says, I miss having a bike to play with.

I go at a reasonable thirty mph until I get off the facility grounds, and then go the speed limit of the streets. No need getting pulled over when I'm carrying around a wicked huge knife and some handcuffs. 'No officer I wasn't about to go tie someone to a radiator in a motel room and cut them to shreds'. Yeah, 'cause I'm sure he'll believe me. I'm not going to do that, but I'm sure that's what the cop will be thinking. I memorized the way to the woods back at the school so I know exactly where I'm going. As soon as I turn off the main road and onto the empty back roads I speed up until I'm going about eighty. I know it's dangerous or whatever but I know what I'm doing. The roads aren't wet, and I'm not emotionally impaired, so this time it's safe.

I start to slow down when the trees get so thick it looks like there isn't enough room to just walk into the woods. I pull over to the side of the road and get off the bike. I wheel it into the thick trees and turn it off. I put the key in my front pocket, and the helmet back on the handle bar. Hopefully, for my sake, it'll be here when I get back. I start walking, I don't know exactly where I'm going, but I got a gut instinct that I'm going the right way. I walk for what feels like forever, but I look down at my watch and push the little button to turn on the light and it's only been ten minutes. I walk for another fifteen and I find what I'm looking for. It's the real life version of what Addy and Red saw the first time Willow went into her dreams. There's crime scene tape on the ground and a hole where the body was buried.

I stop when I see it. I don't really know why I'm here, but I know this is the right place. I slipped that particular newspaper clipping into my pocket and the picture was taken from exactly where I'm standing, or really close to it. I put the article back and take a couple of steps forward. I feel like I'm…intruding as strange as that sounds. Like I shouldn't be here, in the same place where a slayer was murdered, butchered, buried, and dug up. Even in death she didn't have any peace, at least not at first. According to the article she left behind a fiancé and a three-year-old. The wedding was next month. Some people think I'm stupid because I never graduated high school, but I'm a really fast reader, always have been. And when I became a slayer my eyesight got way better and it just made it easier to memorize things.

"Interesting, isn't it?" a voice asks, breaking the silence I was in. He's been there the entire time. I knew he was there, and I'm sure he knows that I knew he was there. That's probably why he didn't attack. I look but he's standing too far back in the dark for me to make out more then a silhouette. He has a slight British accent, and a nice voice. If we weren't out in the middle of the woods, standing next to the spot where he murdered a young, defenseless woman I'd probably say it was soothing. "People have such a fascination with death. They think it's immoral, such an atrocity, yet they'll watch a two hour special on the crimes committed by the most infamous serial killers in America." He walks closer and I don't even blink. If he tries to use the spell I'll kill him, and he can't hurt me until he uses the spell so I'm safe for now.

"In a couple years when they have a special on you and they interview your neighbors what do you think they'll say?" I ask and raise and eyebrow. "Will they tell the reporter how shocked they are because you seemed like such a sweet boy, and you were so normal?" He gets close enough for me to see him and I have to admit he's even more handsome in person. He probably gets a lot of women. It's a shame that someone that hot is a deranged lunatic. I'm sure if he wasn't he'd be married to a gorgeous blonde and be making beautiful babies who'll grow up to be models or movie stars or something.

"Maybe," he says with a nice smiling. "One will probably complain how I was always borrowing his tools and never giving them back." He leans up against a tree and lights a cigarette. The smoke swirls around in the air until it disappears. "So, you're the slayer the father hated so much?" he asks as if we're talking about the weather. It's kind of creep how casual we're being about all of this. I nod my head and I can feel his eyes on my body. He stops at my breasts and I subtly push them out a little more. He notices though, and chuckles a little before taking another drag. "Lucky for you." I'm a little confused by that, I'll admit.

"Why's that?" I ask and lean against the nearest tree. I cross my arms over my chest and shake out my hair a little. I really want to just get this over with, but he wants to play, so I'll go along with it for a few more minutes, or at least until he finishes his cigarette. Color me crazy but I feel like letting him do that. If this capture goes wrong I might end up killing him out of self defense, or on accident. If the man might die in a few minutes he should at least finish his cigarette.

"Because I don't have to kill you," he says and takes another drag. "You were naturally selected by the universe to become a slayer. You're not one of the fakes." He takes the last drag, drops the butt to the ground and stomps it out with the toe of his shoe. "Well, Faith, it was nice talking to you. Tell your friend Kennedy I said 'see you soon'." My blood starts to boil but I don't charge at him. Over the years I've learned that it's stupid to attack out of anger. So I wait until I'm calm and he turns around to walk away. I run at him and when I'm about ten feet away he turns around and holds out his hand and says some word in some language I don't understand and a lighting bolt lookin thing flies at me. I jump outta the way but it hits the tip of my boot and I can smell the leather burn. Mother fucker, these boots are new.

"You honestly didn't think it would be that easy, did you?" he chuckles again and smiles at me from where he's standing. I feel a rock right next to my hand. I pick it up and quicker then the blink of an eye I throw it at him. The dumb ass doesn't see it coming and it hits him right on the head and he drops to the ground. Well, that was very anticlimactic. Here I was thinking we were gonna have some huge battle and tear up half the forest and all it takes is a rock to bring this fucker down. I walk over to him very slowly. I'm standing on my toes, figuratively speaking, and ready to jump back if he makes any sudden movements. I kick him a couple of times, and pretty fuckin hard, just to make sure that he really is unconscious. I roll him over onto his stomach and handcuff him. I search him for weapons but I don't find any. I guess tonight he didn't plan on killing. I do find a cell phone and I use it to call Kennedy.

"Hello?" she sounds pretty fuckin skeptical. I am calling from the cell phone of a deranged serial murderer so I guess she should sound like that.

"Hey Ken, it's Faith," I tell her and scratch the back of my neck. "I'm in the wood off Baker Road where Megan O'Connor was found. I caught the prick that did it." I pull out his pack of smokes and light one up. I pull the sweet nicotine into my lungs and almost moan at the feeling. I've need one of these for a long time now.

"But Willow said she brought you here by magic, how the hell did you get all the way out to Baker Road?" she sounds so fuckin confused, and wicked irritated because she already knows the answer, she just wants me to confirm it. I exhale and flick at the butt with my thumb and the ashes on the tip fall to the forest floor.

"One reason why I called you, I wanted to thank you for letting me borrow your bike. She rides like a dream." I can almost hear the gasket in her mind explode. I smile and then take another drag while she has a fuckin hissy fit worthy of a three-year-old.

"I know she rides like a fuckin dream because I had her custom built! I spent an entire year's salary on that bike, and I swear to God if she has any scratches or dents, or any marks at all I'm going to gut you starting at your scar!" Ouch, that was a little harsh. I laugh a little bit and all it does it make her even more pissed off. I've always loved making her mad. It's so easy and surprisingly fun.

"Sorry toots, but you'll have to get in line." I laugh at the irritated sigh she lets out. I take another drag, drop the cigarette to the ground and stomp it out. It seems like such a shame to waste half a cigarette but I have more important things to worry about right now. "Look, the guy's unconscious but he'll probably be wakin up soon. I'll be standing on the side of the road, so will you just come pick me up. I'll drive the car back to the school so you can drive your bike." She agrees with that plan and we say bye before hanging up. I put the phone back in Ryder's pocket and I pick him up and toss him over my shoulder. "Well, shit head, lets get you back to the facility so we can figure out what to do with you."

BPOV

So I got a call at seven o' clock this morning from Faith telling me that she caught the bad guy. Ryder is now being held at the facility until Willow can get all of the magic out of his body and then they're going to turn him over to the United States government and Ryder is going to be held in the same prison where Ethan Rayne is being kept. The downside to all of this is Faith won't be back for a few days. She didn't say when, all she said was 'just a couple of days.' I guess Giles want her to try and help some kid who isn't doing so well at the school. I'm glad she's trying to help, but at the same time I just want her home, you know?

I'm over at Dawn's house right now helping her out with the boys. They've all finally gotten over whatever bug they had and Dawn has a bunch of housework to do. Come on, who wants to do chores when they're sick and taking care of two sick babies? Nobody, that's who. But I'm more then happy to do it. I have Emma watching Joseph so I can give my little nephews my full attention. I know that sounds kind of mean, but the twins aren't exactly crawling yet, and I'm afraid that if I look away from a second then Joseph would crawl over to them and accidentally hurt one. He does love spending time with Emma. She can focus completely on him because she doesn't have to be doing other things at the same time. Anyway, my nephews are just so damn cute. And their personalities are already very different.

Nick is probably the most affectionate seven-month-old I've ever seen. All he wants is to be in your arms and snuggled up against your shoulder. He's tried cupping my breasts a couple of times, but he's a baby and a boy that's just something they do. He loves to play peek-a-boo and watch the jack in the box pop up over and over and over again. He can crawl a little bit but his belly doesn't fully leave the ground. Physically he's the bigger of the two, but only by like two pounds. He's a little taller by about an inch, which I think is a little weird. I thought the first born out of twins is supposed to be the bigger one? Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter. They're both healthy and that's all you can really hope for.

Now Alex he's a little more laid back then Nick is. He isn't as in your face. He likes to just sit back and watch what's going on. He'll let you give him affection, but when it gets to be too much he'll whine until you put him down. His favorite toy is the blocks. He tries so hard to get them stacked just right, but he's only seven months old so he can't coordinate his arms that well to get them perfect. I think it's a little sad that he's so quiet. Ok, so I don't think that's sad, what's sad is he's so quiet and Nick is so attention hungry that it's kind of easy to forget that Alex is there. But I make sure to pay attention to both of them equally. Physically he's a little more developed then Nick is. He can crawl better and sit up for longer periods of time, and he can already pull himself to his feet in the crib.

All of this baby watching is making me think back to when Matthew was a little baby. Faith has really surprised me over the years, especially those first couple. I know this sounds horrible, but I kind of thought Faith might run out on us. That motherhood might be a little too overwhelming for her and she'd leave. It took Faith a while to be able to face a problem head on and not just run away, and I was really worried that she was going to revert back to her old self. But I think that was just from the pregnancy hormones. Deep down I knew she'd never leave me. It's just amazing how happy she makes me. No one thought we were gonna last. Everyone kept telling me that she was going to break my heart, but after we were together for an entire year, and we moved into together they backed off a lot.

"Now, Nick, it's not nice to pull your brother's hair," I tell him and grab onto his wrist. I guess Alex has a toy that Nick wants to play with and he isn't willing to give it up. He tries to pull his hair again. "No." My tone is firm but not too harsh. I pull him away from the situation and give him a different toy instead. He gets distracted with it and forgets all about whatever toy Alex is playing with. They are just so damn cute. Especially their little poofy Afros. It's getting a little harder to tell them apart, but I can because I'm around them so much. But for strangers these boys look exactly the same. I never really thought about it before but it really must suck to be an identical twin.

"Hey, Buffy, can you come help me with this?" I hear Dawn yell from upstairs. This house is frickin huge. I can of regret not moving into it and giving her my house. It's two story, four bedrooms, three bathrooms, the kitchen has everything a person could ever want when it comes to cook where, and her pool and way bigger then ours.

"Coming!" I call back. I look down at the boys and they're still playing like nothing just happened. "Ok, I'll be right back, you two don't move ok?" I get up and set over the baby gate and head towards the stairs. When Dawn saw that we had gated off the living room so we could study without having to keep too close of an eye on Joseph she thought it was a great idea and gated off a little section of her living room. Hers is more like the playpen from the Rugrats though. It isn't the entire living room, just a small space. Anyway, I go upstairs and stop at the landing. I have no idea where she is. "Marco!" I can almost feel her irritation grow.

"I'm in my bedroom!" Well she's not any fun. I go into her bedroom and instantly see the problem. She was vacuuming and can't move the settle could of the way. I only know it's called a settle because when I called it a little couch she got really pissed off at me and lectured me on the difference between a settle and a couch. I take a good look at my sister and I really don't like what I see. She has dark circles under her eyes, she's lost way too much weight, and the overall vibe she gives off on an everyday basis is depression. It's been seven months and she still hasn't gotten over Kyle. He's never tried to get a hold of her or anything. She ended up throwing out all of the stuff he didn't take with him when he packed his bags. I know she still has all of his pictures, but she doesn't keep them out. They're in her closet I think.

"So, you need help moving the little couch?" I ask and walk further into the room. The weight loss was mostly from her being sick. She couldn't keep anything down but water. She's gained back a pound or two but she's far from healthy. The other day Faith even came over and cooked her a big meal. Nothing too harsh, mostly some soups and soft breads, and things that wouldn't be hard on her stomach. Dawn wolfed most of it down and the boys had the rest. Faith made them their own soups, but when they finished with those they were whining for more. I pick up the little couch and hold it while she vacuums the floor and when she's done I put it back exactly where it was 'cause I know she'll freak out. She's very strict about her furniture.

"You should take a break. You've been working for like two hours now. Come on, I'll make some coffee or something." She nods her head and we both go downstairs. She sits in the living room with the boys and I bring her a nice hot mug of coffee. I sit down next to her on the couch and we watch the boys play while we wait for our coffee to cool down enough to drink it without getting third degree burns. "So, Dawnie, how have you been? I mean really. No saying that you're fine because I know you're not." She sighs and shifts around a little bit so she's facing me a little more. She doesn't look at me though, she looks down in her mug.

"It's been hard. Really hard. And I miss him so much. I know that I need to move on but we were together for years. We were going to get married, and start a family. You don't just get over that. I know it's been seven months but it doesn't seem like it. Time has just flown by so fast." I know what she means. I take a sip of my coffee and she does the same. "It's getting better though. I can finally make it an entire day without thinking about him. So that's good, right?" She looks up at me with a desperate look in her eyes. I smile a little bit just to reassure her, and gently rub her on the arm.

"That's great, sweetheart. I know you don't want to forget him entirely, he was the love of your life, but it'll make things easier when you stop thinking about him all the time." I gently run my fingers through her long hair and she sighs a little bit. I know she's probably going to get irritated by my next question but I have to ask it. I'm Buffy, I can't just ignore a question when I have one in my head. "Have you decided whether or not you're going to tell Michael about the boys?" She looks away from me again and I try not to sigh. "I don't mean to be harsh, but I know you were putting it off in case Kyle came back, but sweetie, Kyle isn't coming back. And it isn't fair that Michael has these two beautiful baby boys and doesn't even know about them." She nods her head a little bit and takes another sip from her mug.

"I know. That's why I'm going to call him soon. I'll have to look around on the Internet or something to get a phone number, and I might need Willow to do the hacker thing if I can't find it, but I want to tell him. He's missed out on so much." She looks over at her boys as they fight over a toy. I can't help but roll my eyes. "I don't want him to miss their first birthday. It's going to be coming up soon." Five months may seen like a long time, but it flies, trust me when I say it does. And I'm really glad she's finally decided to tell him. He has a right to know, and I know she doesn't want or need his money, but there are other ways he can help out. Every child needs a male role model in their life, and if Michael is still the same great guy that Dawn claims he is then he sounds like the perfect one. Too many kids are growing up without their dads, and it's really sad.

"Hey Buffy?" she asks in kind of a shy tone. She wants to ask a question but she isn't sure what my reaction is going to be. I take a sip of coffee and let out a little 'hmmm?' and she shifts around again. "Do you ever wonder where dad is? Like if he's still living in Spain, or if he's alive at all?" See what I mean? I'm very surprised that Dawn didn't become a serial dater in high school because of the lack of a father figure. Then again, she had Xander to look up to, and Spike to look out for her, so I guess that made up for it a little. I know I need to be honest with her on this one though, even though it hurts to think about it.

"All the time." We go quiet and just focus on the boys for a while. We're both too lost in our own thoughts now to carry on a conversation. I do wonder about my dad a lot. One of the big things that I always think about is what would life be like now if he and my mother never got divorced? But I know how it would have turned out. The vampires would be herding up the people like cattle and putting them on a conveyor belt. If my parents never split up then we never would have moved to Sunnydale and the Master would have taken over. So part of me is a little glad that they split. Not only because I was able to stop the Master, but because when we moved the constant fighting between my mom and my dad stopped. But at the same time I just want to curl up in my daddy's arms and have him tell me that he loves me even if it is a lie.

"Wanna help me feed the boys?" Dawn asks and puts her mug on the coffee table. I nod my head and we get and each grab a baby and go into the kitchen. We lighten our moods so they won't pick up on them and get upset. Besides, it's really hard to be depressed when you have one of those cute faces smiling at you. I put Alex in his highchair and Dawn does the same and then goes over to the pantry. She gets two jars of the Gerber baby foot and two spoons and hands me the ones I'll be using today. Lets see, today Alex will be enjoying the taste of bananas. Good, nothing green. I hate the green baby food. It makes me gag whenever I feed it any baby, even mine. Especially mine because I have to clean it up afterwards.

Faith thinks it's just so hilarious that I'm like that. The color doesn't bother her at all. God I miss her so much. I want her to hurry up with whatever it is she's doing and come home. I want her to hold me when we fall asleep, I want her to tell me that she loves me and she thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I just want her home. I like to think of myself as independent and I am. I can do things on my own, I'm not helpless or anything. If a job needs to be done then I can do it. But I miss my wife, and I never thought I'd ever miss her this much for just being gone for twenty-four hours. What has that woman done to me?

"Thinking about Faith again?" Dawn asks with a little smile on her face and some mischief in her tone. "Whenever you think about her you always sigh one of those 'she's just so dreamy' type of sighs. You're worst then a school girl with a crush." I can't believe she just said that. Alright, she started this, so I might as well finish it. I scoop up some more of the light colored food and carefully put it in Alex's mouth. He closes his mouth around it and I pull it out and he lets out a long 'mmmmmmm'. He is just the cutest little thing.

"Oh you mean like how you used to be with Xander?" I ask and she goes quiet. She's pretending to ignore me. "I remember when I was trying to convince Mom to let me go patrol and you kept yelling that you didn't need a babysitter-"

"Which I so didn't."

"-and when I said that Xander could watch you, you agreed to it. And what was with that dress?" I give Alex the last of what's in the jar and give him the spoon to play with. Nick is a much slower eater then Alex is, which is a little weird considering Nick is the bigger of the two.

"I was trying to get him to notice me. I figured if I showed off my legs he'd finally see me as something more then just a kid." I can go some many places with that sentence but she's my little sister so I think I'll just go with the safest one.

"You were fourteen, he was twenty. There's no way he was going to notice you as anything more then a kid. You could have marched around the house naked and he would have just covered his eyes and told you to put some clothes on." At least I hope so. Ok, Buffy, lets not go there because you're just going to get yourself worked up and then be mad at Xander for something he didn't even do.

"I don't know, there were a couple of times I caught him looking." She gets an evil little smile on her face and I feel my neck start to burn. Xander scammed on my baby sister when she was only fourteen? "I mean, it was when he dropped something on the ground and his eyes were down there anyway, and I subtly moved just to get his attention, but yeah, he looked." Oh, that's completely different. "Besides, he was just the junior high crush. I knew I wanted to be with him, but it was innocent. Trust me when I say you don't even want to know all the things I thought about when I started crushing on Spike." My eyes go wide and I'm in a little bit of shock.

"Ok, lets not go there." And now it's time to get her back. "Besides, whatever you thought of we probably did it, and so much kinkier." Now it's her turn to choke on nothing and get all embarrassed. But it's true, me and Spike were pretty freaky when it came to the sex. But I don't wanna think about that at all. It's so far back in the past that it doesn't even matter anymore. I've been with Faith forever now, and I'm very happy with our sex life. I don't need the weird kinky stuff with her because it's more then empty, meaningless sex. Ok, now I really can't wait for her to get home. She is so going to love her welcome home present, that is a guarantee.


	63. Just A Few More Days

**One Week Later.** BPOV

It's been an entire week since Faith left to catch Ryder. It only took Willow two days to completely strip all the magic from his body. Apparently it was all stolen from demons and other witches so that made it easier to drain. And then Willow did something to him so that he can never perform magic again. She explained it in great detail but I wasn't really paying attention too much. I just wanted to talk to Faith. It seems that my wife is a big hit with the kids at the school, especially ones with the troubled backgrounds. She gives it to them straight, doesn't sugarcoat anything, and they've been opening up to her. I guess the psychologists at the school have been trying to get them to open up for months.

So she isn't coming home. She isn't sure when she's going to come back either. She said 'just a few more days'. The kids have been asking nonstop where she is and when she's coming back, and I keep telling them but they're stubborn. They want better answers, I guess they take after me. I was a little upset with her on the phone and she knows I want her home, but if she's helping the girls not only adjust to being a slayer, but being away from home and their families then I can't really get mad at her for staying. So I'm not mad at her, but I am irritated. Not that she's helping people, but at the fact that she isn't home yet.

I can't really think about that right now, though. I need to focus on the situation. While I was feeding Joseph his lunch I got a call from the principal at Lincoln Elementary telling me that I need to come in right away because Matthew got into some trouble. So I guess adolescence really is here, huh? And I thought Faith was just being a little dramatic. If he's already having a serge of hormones that's making him do stupid stuff at ten then I don't even want to know what he's going to be like at sixteen. But I have a feeling this isn't about getting older and going through some changes that throws your judgment off. I don't know why, but I just having a feeling it's so much more then that.

I pull into the parking lot, and find a spot in the shade. I turn off the engine and just sit here, staring at the dashboard, and trying to control my anger. Only a little bit is about being called here, and the fact that my son did something bad enough to get sent to the principal's office and his mother called on him. The rest of it is towards everything else. Faith being gone, the fact that I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a little over a week, taking care of the kids by myself, and dealing with those damn dogs. My nerves are shot, and I just need a break. Just a little break from everything. But I can't because no one else is going to do the laundry, then change the baby, then vacuum the living room, then pick Addison up from daycare, and do all the other things that I have to do.

I sigh, and force myself to calm down. I put my keys in my purse, and get out of the car. I open up the trunk and get Joseph's umbrella stroller out. I could carry the car seat but it's bulky and I don't want to deal with it right now. So I unbuckle my smiling baby boy from his forty point harness and put him in his favorite stroller. He's never been to the school before, at least not that he can remember. He looks up at the tall building with awe as I push him towards it at a moderate pace. I just want to get this over with.

I open the large door and carefully push the stroller inside. It's trickier then it sounds. But I get inside the building without incident and start walking down the almost empty hall. I say almost empty because there are three kids not too far down. Two of them are taller then the one in the middle. They have the kid's hat and are playing a not so nice game of keep away. Ah, to be in grade school again. Even though all three kids just made eye contact with me they don't stop what they're doing. I guess they know I'm not a teacher so they're not worried about me. I can't help but roll my eyes as the poor kid tries to get his hat back.

"Come on, give it back," he says and jumps as one kid tosses the hat out of his reach and to the other kid. "Come on guys this isn't funny." They seem to think so 'cause they keep laughing. As I get closer I very subtly veer off to the right so when I pass them I'm only two feet away. When they toss the hat again I reach out with slayer speed and snatch it out of the air. All three boys stop what they're doing and stare at me. The two bullies look mad as hell, but the other kid looks grateful. I toss the hat to him and he catches it.

"You boys better get to class, I think I hear a teacher coming." They run off and I can't help but smile. What is it with kids and then always wanting to get away with something? It isn't just kids, teenagers are just as bad, even worst. Anyway, I walk down to the end of the hall and turn to the left. I know where the office is because I've been called to pick Matthew up before. Not for getting into trouble, but he was sick and wanted to come home. I walk into the office and it's kind of busy right now. There are three people on the other side of the large counter and they're all sorting through some files, and one of them is talking on the phone and trying to sort at the same time.

"Can I help you?" the oldest of the three asks me. Ok, I don't know if she's the oldest but she certainly looks it. But she sounds really nice and friendly so I shouldn't be thinking like that. I nod my head and tell her I'm here to see principal Victoria. "Alright, what's your name?" I tell her what it is and she picks up the receiver of the pushes some button the phone and waits for a few seconds. "There's a Buffy Lehane here to see you." She's quiet for a couple seconds while she listens. "Ok, I'll send her in." She hangs up the phone and looks at me. "She's ready to see you now, so just go on in." I tell her thanks and walk over to the door with the word Principal written on it in gold letters. I knock on th door just to be polite.

"Come in," I hear somewhat irritated voice call out. I open the door and wheel the stroller inside. I see the principal sitting at her desk looking very professional. Then I see Matthew sitting at one of the chairs on the other side of her desk. He has an ice pack over his nose, and he's sulking. Now I really want to know what happened. "Mrs. Lehane, please take a seat." Ok, so we're going past pleasantries and right down to business. I park the stroller next to the other chair and sit down. I smooth out my skirt, but mostly just to keep my mind busy. I'm jumping to so many conclusions right now that my head feels like it's spinning. "Mrs. Lehane-"

"Please, call me Buffy," I tell her with a small smile. Mrs. Lehane is too formal. I never thought I would grow up and people would call me by my last name. I thought I'd always be Buffy so that's what I want people to call me. Unless they annoy me, then the Mrs. Lehane is meant to be formal to let the other person know that I don't want a whole lot to do with them. But enough about that. I need to stop mind babbling and pay attention because she's going to be telling me some important stuff. Hopefully, or this is a waste of time.

"Buffy, your son got into a fight today at recess." I look over at Matthew and he's just looking at the wall on his right. His head is completely turned away from me. I guess he knows I'm going to be pissed at him. "I know this is the first time he's been in a fight, but it's school policy to suspend all children involved in a physical altercation for three days." I take in a deep breath and let it out kind of slow. So it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. "I'm not making excuses for your son, physical violence is never the answer." Unless you're fighting a demon, but he probably wasn't. "But the other boy was saying some very…harsh things about your lifestyle." My jaw clenches and I feel a headache coming on. "And Matt will not be receiving any detention when he returns." I have a feeling who the other kid is, but I need to be sure.

"Who was the other boy?" I ask, and she tells me that she's not allowed to give out his name, but I have a very strong feeling that it's David Lynch. He's given Matthew a hard time since we put him in this school. "How badly was he hurt?" Matthew being like a super-slayer or something is cause for a lot of concern, especially if he fights a normal human boy. He could have easily killed David, and I'm really worried that the kid was seriously hurt.

"A bloody nose, a black eye. Normal wounds a person receives in a fist fight." I let out a little sigh and relief washes over me, and it's replaced with anger. It's not anger at Matthew for getting into a fight, or the kid that was provoking him. It's anger because the fact that me and Faith love each other is affecting our kids in a bad way. "Matt has explained your lifestyle to me. Before I thought it was just rumors spread by some of the children, and I assure you that I won't put up with any type of discrimination or hate." I nod my head a little and cast another glance at Matthew. He pulls the ice pack away from his face and looks at the little bit of blood on it. He sniffles a little and tosses the pack in the trash.

"Still, that's no excuse for what Matthew did," I tell her and pick my purse up. I'm more then ready to get out of here. "I'll be sure to give him a very strict talk about keeping your hands to yourself." The principal nods her head, and thanks me for coming in. We shake hands, and then I start wheeling the stroller towards the door. Matthew gets up and grabs his backpack and follows me. He still hasn't said a word. I wonder what exactly he told the principal? What rumors have been going around and how come I wasn't told about them? This is crap, and I know I should stay and question her on it, but I just want to get home. This is just one more thing to be stressed about and I don't want to think about it.

The car ride home is almost silent. Joseph is babbling to himself in the backseat, but other then that there's no noise at all. All I can concentrate on is the road, and making sure that I don't grip the steering wheel too hard or else it'll break. Matthew is still sulking, and he's staring out the passenger window. I don't really have anything to say to him. I told his principal I would give him a talking to but I didn't mean it. At least not really. I know that I need to explain to him that he needs to ignore what the other kids have to say about us, but at the same time I'm a little proud that he stood up for us. I know it was a little extreme but he did something about it without snitching and now the teachers know what's going on.

I pull into the driveway and shut off the car. Before I can say anything Matthew unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car. He doesn't even wait for me at the door. He gets the spare key from under the flower pot and goes inside. I sigh a heavy sigh and rub my very tired eyes. I really don't want to deal with any of this right now. But it's not like I can just ignore it. This isn't going to go away no matter how much I want it to. I'm going to let him cool down a little though. I can tell he's still really upset and if I try to talk to him now he'll either tune me out or we'll get into a fight. And I really don't like fighting with him. I take Joseph out of his car seat and take him into the house.

"What am I gonna do with that big brother of yours?" I ask and he just laughs a little. I can't help but roll my eyes. I take him into the kitchen and finish feeding him his lunch. He eats the rest of the jar of baby food and then starts whining for more. "You want more? But you just had a whole jar." He starts whining louder and I roll my eyes. "Ok, little man, if you think you can handle some more then I'll give you more." I toss the empty jar in the trash and open up the cupboard where we keep his food and bottles. I look over the wide selection until I find the one I want. "Vanilla custard, how does that sound?" I know it's for him but the whole point of buying the desserts is so I can have some. I put the jar and spoon on the counter and give him a little kiss on the forehead.

"I'll be right back, little man." I give him a toy to play with, and leave the room. I walk down the hall and quietly open Matthew's door. He's laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling. I can tell from here that he's holding back tears. What the hell did that other kid say to my son? I softly knock on the door and he looks over at me. He starts wiping at his eyes and trying to hide the fact that he almost cried, but I already know. I don't bring it up though 'cause that will just wound his pride. And he takes after Faith when it comes to pride. "Hey, did you have lunch at school?" He shakes his had no and looks back up at the ceiling. I walk in and sit down on the edge of his bed. His bloody nose is almost healed. By tonight I won't even be able to tell he had a bloody nose.

"Are you getting hungry?" I ask him and he just shakes his head no. I really don't like this silent treatment nonsense. I try not to sigh in frustration, but trust me, it's hard. "What did that kid say to you that made you want to hit him?" He shrugs his shoulders and sniffles again. Ok, this is getting annoying. "You do know. Please, just tell me what happened. I'm not going to get mad, I promise." He looks over at me with a little bit of skepticism and this time I do let out a little sigh. "I promise, ok? Now please tell me what happened." This time he sighs and he looks away from me. He stares up at the ceiling, and I'm about to say something but then he starts talking.

"It was David." Of course it was. It's always David. "I was playing tether ball with Lucas." Lucas is Matthew's best friend, they're more like brothers then anything else. "And David came up and said he wanted to play, but Lucas told him to go away." He pauses and takes in a deep breath. "Then he said that Lucas' mom is a whore because she had Lucas before she married his dad." And that makes her a whore? "And I told him to shut up, and that Lucas' mom isn't a whore." I'm sure he didn't say it that nicely. "Then he started saying bad stuff and you and Mama." I wait for him to go on, but he doesn't. I guess it was pretty bad if he doesn't want to tell me.

"What did he say? It's ok, you can tell me." I put a hand on his knee and he looks over at me. I give him an encouraging look and he sighs again. He looks back up at the ceiling and I wait for him to continue. It doesn't take long, and he sounds like he's forcing the words out.

"He called you faggots, and that when you die you're going to hell." I can't believe that little kid said that. "And he said that you're whores 'cause the only way to make a baby is with a guy and a girl, so you had to have sex with a guy to make me. And then with someone else to make Addison, and Joey. And then I hit him." His eyes tear up again but he tries to make it stop. I forgot how mean kids can be. I don't remember them being this mean when I was in school. I put my hand on his cheek and gently caress the soft skin with my thumb. I pull his face a little over to the side until he looks at me. He wipes at his eyes and tries to make the tears go away but they won't.

"You know that's not true. Mama and I love each other very much, and we'd never have sex with someone else." He looks a little grossed out because I said that and I just roll my eyes. I can relate though, I was completely grossed out when my mom gave me 'the talk'. "And you know that magic helped make you guys." He nods his head but he doesn't say anything. I hear Joseph start to cry and I know I have to cut this talk short. "Come out when you're hungry and I'll make you some lunch, ok?" He nods his head and I lean forward and give him a little kiss on the forehead. "Are you just gonna hang out in here for a while?" Again with a nod. "Alright, I guess I'll see you later." I go back into the kitchen just in time to see Joseph throw his toy across the room and starts crying. Why did I ever think that motherhood would be fun?

FPOV

It's been a week since I got here and the work just keeps piling up. Giles asked me to help out with one girl, Hannah Moon, and it was pretty easy. I hardly said a word to her. She just needed someone to listen to who would take her seriously. The turn around for her was really quick. Once she got all that repressed shit off her chest she started making friends, and doin and work and shit. When G-man saw how good I did with her he wanted me to help out on a bunch of other cases. Now I have ten girls that I'm responsible for. Realistically I could leave at any time because it's not my job to do this shit, it's the school's, but they aren't cutting it, and these girls need help. I don't want to just leave them.

At the same time I just want to go home. I want to kiss my wife and hug my kids and sleep in my own damn bed. Talking and training with the other slayers is cool. I am having fun teaching the girls all sorts of different moves and all about surviving a fight when you don't have time to stop and think about what you're doing. I honestly wish we could move here so I can do this for a living. But Buffy won't want that, and deep down neither do I. I like our town, and our house, and if we move then I won't get to see my dad as often as I do now. I'm gonna talk to Giles about setting something up for me in Lincoln, but I had to schedule an appointment 'cause he's a busy guy. I don't know what he does all day, but whatever it is it takes a long time.

I'm in the temporary office that Giles set me up in doing more paperwork. I'm making notes on the girl's progress so when I leave the psychologists will know exactly what they're dealing with. This is really fuckin boring and I'd rather be training right now, but this needs to be done. Whoever thought that I would grow up to be responsible? 'Cause I gotta be honest I sure didn't. I guess that just proves how much really has changed over the last decade. I thought I'd be dead by now from the slayin'. I guess I have Mattie to think for that. When B had him I got a lot less reckless 'cause I had so much to live for. Now I have even more, and I guess that's why I only go slayin' when the urge refuses to be ignored.

I can't do this shit anymore. I finish the sentence I'm writing and toss the pen down. I've been writing so long that my fingers are starting to cramp up. I get out of the leather chair and walk over to the window. There's snow on the ground, and about five maybe six girls are having a snowball fight. They look like they're having a good time and trust me I envy them. I've been cooped up in this fuckin office all damn day. I need to work off some tension. I need to get outta here. I wanna go home. I get so frustrated that I almost take my anger out on the furniture but then there's a knock on the door so I control myself.

"Hey," Willow says when she opens the door and walks in like she owns the place. She sits down in the chair across from my desk. I can tell something's bothering her and I can't help but roll my eyes a little bit. "So, are you available to anyone or just the students?" She gets a shy smile on her face and I can't help but smile back. I gotta admit Red is pretty cute when she's shy. But I've always thought that. I nod my head towards the couch that's against the wall and she laughs a little bit. "That's ok, it's not that big of a deal. I just can't keep this to myself anymore." I sit down at my desk and close the open file, mostly just to keep my mind busy. I'm about to tell her she can talk to me, but I don't have to, she just keeps going.

"Sky and I decided to wait a while before we get married. Well, I guess I decided to wait. She said she's ok with whatever I want, and I'm not ready to get married yet, so we aren't going to be setting a date anytime soon." She's babbling so whatever she has to say isn't good or else she'd get right to the point. "But I don't want to wait to have a baby. We haven't talked about it at all because I'm too afraid." At least she's admitting she's scared. "What if she doesn't want to have a family with me? We haven't been together for very long and I know it's a little soon, but I've waited a really long time and I don't want to wait anymore. But what if she's never ready? I can't wait around forever." I try not to sigh because Willow's sensitive.

"Willow, Sky is completely different from Kennedy. It may have been a shitty thing to lead you on, but she didn't have a kid with you because she knew it would be wrong. She knew she didn't love you for a long time, and having a kid together would've made the breakup worst. That kid would've gone through hell, and deep down I think you know it." She thinks about what I said and she nods her head a little bit. "Sky's the real deal. She loves you, she wants to be with you forever, and she'll want to have a kid with you. Maybe not now, but one day." She doesn't look like she feels any better. "Have you ever thought of artificial insemination? I mean, if you don't want to wait why are you waiting?" Did that make sense? I hope it made sense.

"Because I can't have children." And why the hell not? "When I started thinking about it, when Kennedy and I were still together, I called the coven in Devon. Well, not the entire coven just one person and she talked to the rest of the coven. Anyway, they told me that bearing a child and giving birth would be too dangerous. That I have so much magic in my body that it could kill the baby." She has tears in her eyes, and she's trying to keep them back. "Even if I wanted to get pregnant that way I can't." Her shoulders are starting to shake and those tears are definitely winning the battle. I hand her the box of tissues and she blows her nose.

"I haven't talked to Sky about it because I'm so afraid that she's going to feel like I'm pressuring her and she might leave me." I get up and sit down next to her in the other chair and wrap an arm around her shoulders. She buries her face in my neck and starts sobbing. I do my best to comfort her, but I think she just needs to get this out. If she's been holding this shit in since she was with Kennedy then definitely needs to just let it out. I don't know how long it takes for her to calm down but she finally does. She pulls away from me and grabs some more tissues and blows her nose, and wipes at her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break down." I can't help but smile a little bit.

"It's alright, Red, that's what I'm here for." She smiles and wipes the rest of her tears away. Who would've thought I'd be the one she turns to for moral support? I rub her back a little bit, then lean back in the very uncomfortable chair. "But seriously Willow, Sky isn't gonna take off. If she feels pressured she'll tell you. And I know you want a kid really bad, but you're in a relationship so you're gonna have to wait until Sky's ready to be a mom too." She nods her head and sniffles pretty fuckin loud. Then something crosses my mind, and I can't keep my mouth shut. "Have you ever thought about adopting a kid?" She tosses the tissues in the trash and tries to get comfortable in the chair. I should talk to Giles about getting some new ones.

"I thought about it for a while. Me and Kennedy were thinking about becoming foster parents. We thought it would be nice to help out, you know? And I know it sounds really selfish, but I want a baby of my own. Someone that has half my genetics. Someone that I can watch be born and grow up." I know exactly what she means. "Maybe I should just get a dog. That's what people normally do first, right? They get a dog and then they have kids?" Hell if I know. You might be wondering what happened to that little hairball Kennedy got her for Christmas a while back, and even if you're not you're still gonna find out. Well, turns out Red couldn't stand having it around 'cause Kennedy gave it to her so she took to the pound, and it was adopted five days later by a woman who's dog had just died, and now Gypsy is enjoying the good life of eating ridiculously expensive dog food and sleeping on a couch all day.

"Woulda say we get cleaned up and get something to eat?" I ask and stand up. "I could really use a break from all this. Sitting in an office writing notes just isn't for me." I pick up the folders, put them in the filing cabinet, then lock it up. "I feel like Chinese, what about you?" I take my jacket off the back of my chair and slip it on. Man, I love this jacket. Buffy bought it for me for my first birthday we celebrated as a couple. Yep, I've had this jacket a fuckin long time and I don't plan on getting rid of it anytime soon. She stands up and brushes herself off. I hope she isn't going to get all stuck up. People can act like that after they have a breakdown. It's like they're trying to prove that they're fine so they act all tough and shit. It can get irritating.

"Sure. There's a little place not far from here." I turn out the lights and lock up the room and we leave. But it's not that easy. First I have to stop at the front desk and check out. Yeah, how stupid is that? But this way if any girls come in to talk to me they'll know I'm not here. I can't believe Willow told me all that stuff. I think it's going to take me a while to get over the fact that she came to me. She could've called B and talked to her, but she didn't. She came to me. Guess it's just weird. But whatever. She needed someone to talk to, and I was there for her, that's all that matters, right? No need to dwell on it like I'm doin.

Man, I'm fuckin starving. I can't keep eating the food they serve here. It's exactly the food you can find in any high school across America, so it sucks. I've been so busy this week dealing with Ryder, and listening to the girls and updating the files that I haven't had time to go out and get some real food. Giles offered to cook me a real home cooked meal a couple days ago, but I turned him down. He's been busy with running the school and he's too tired at the end of the day to have to worry about feeding me. He's getting pretty old and doesn't have as much stamina as he used to. He's gonna retire in the next couple of years and give the whole thing over to Willow, but still a lot can happen in a couple years.

Anyway, we get in Red's car and head over to the restaurant. It's only like ten minutes away from the school, and it's really fuckin small. There's only like five maybe seven other customers and it looks cramped. But Willow swears that the food here is to die for. I really wish people would stop saying that about food. Well, at least I really want Buffy to stop saying that about food 'cause whenever she says it she always follows it up with 'and I should know'. It gets irritating. But lets not think about that depressing shit right now. I'm supposed to be relaxing. Some of the shit that those girls told me could depress a professional therapist, so it's getting to me pretty bad. And here I thought I had it bad when I was younger. I was treated better then a fuckin princess compared to the shit some of those girls had to go through.

"A penny for your thoughts," Red says and slides a penny across the table. We're sitting in a booth that's by a large window. I've been staring at all the traffic going by for...I don't know how long. Long enough for Willow to order us some beers and for the waitress to bring 'em to us. I wanna say something sarcastic like 'and a dollar if you flash me' but I don't feel like it right now. I don't understand how therapists do it. I've only been listening to a couple girls for one week therapists listen to this kinda shit for a living. How do they stay sane?

"It's just been a long week," I tell her and rub my face with both my hands. "It's pretty amazing how thick some of those emotional walls are." I take a sip of my beer and Red gives me a questioning look. "A couple of the girls told me some pretty fucked up things. When they walked in I figured the most they'd be talking about is high school drama, you know? Like, 'why doesn't the boy I like, like me back?' That kinda shit. But the things they told me…made my childhood seem like a day at the circus, and my childhood was shit." I start chugging at my beer until it's half gone. I'm going to need a couple more of these. "It just fuckin sucks. They had no one to help them. No slayer to come and save the day. They were all alone." I chug the rest of my beer and Willow nods her head a little. I guess she's heard about some of the stuff a few of the girls have gone through.

"I know, Faith. Convincing the girls to file charges against the people who hurt them is difficult. They're afraid of being hurt more, or they feel obligated to not do anything because even though their parents hurt them they're still their parents. But there are a couple who have spoken up, and who went to the police and their abusers were put away." That's good to hear. So there is some justice in the world. "I've never been around to witness it happen, but Giles filled me in on it. And the girls who speak up but don't want to press charges, well, the people who hurt them have gotten some very special visitors." She looks me dead in the eye and winks a little bit. Ok, I want to ask, but at the same time I don't. So I'm going to assume they sent a slayer in to roughen the person up a bit and threaten them.

The waitress comes back and we order our dinners. It's going to take a while though because one of their chefs is out sick. That's ok, I don't mind waiting. So far the conversation between me and Red has been pretty easy. She's babbles so much that there's never an awkward silence. I look down at my watch and see that it's midnight. Holy shit, I had no fuckin clue it was this late already. And if it's midnight here then it's…nine in Lincoln. Fuck, I need to call home before the kids go to bed. I call home every single night to say goodnight to my babies, and to Buffy. A couple nights ago I even called her a little later on her cell phone and we had some phone sex, but it wasn't as good as the real thing. Nothing else will ever be as good as being with her.

"I need to make a call real quick," I tell Red and pull out my cell phone. I don't care if it's rude to talk on your phone while at a restaurant. I need to talk to my family. As of right now they're the only thing keeping me from going out and getting completely smashed. Anyway, I dial the number and wait for someone to pick up. Buffy answers, and she sounds a little irritated. I really hope she doesn't send me on a guilt trip about not being there to help her out with the kids. She did that last night because Addy was acting up and she woke Joey up and he wouldn't stop crying. "Hey baby. How'd it go today?" She sighs, then yells at Addy to be quiet.

"It sucked. Your daughter has been in a pissy mood all day long. She was put in time out three times at daycare, and she threw a big fit when I picked her up and she kicked a hole through the back of the passenger seat in my car." Damn, Addy's getting really strong. "And Matthew was suspended from school today for fighting." Ok, what the fuck? I go to voice that but she keeps on going. "It wasn't all his fault. David Lynch." Two words I really hate hearing because they are always followed by something bad. "Was saying some mean things to him about us. I don't want to repeat them because Addison is listening in when she's supposed to be in bed." I try not to laugh 'cause that'll just make her mad.

"I wanna talk to Mama!" I hear Addy scream in the background. Now I almost feel bad about calling 'cause it's causing drama that B has to put up with. But I don't feel bad because I need to talk to them even if it is causing drama.

"I told you I'd go into your room when it's your turn to talk to her. Now go back to bed." There's about four seconds of silence then a door slams really fuckin hard in the background. I guess Addy went back to bed. I'm surprised she did, she usually doesn't listen to Buffy until B threatens to put her in time out. I hear Buffy sigh really heavy, and I wish I could be there to give her a backrub to make her feel better. "I'm so tired. The kids are driving me crazy, and I'm not sleeping well because I'm so used to having you here with me." See, I told you she'd send me on a guilt trip. "And Dawn is completely stressed because she's going to try and get a hold of Michael and she's been calling me at least twice a day freaking out because she isn't sure how he's going to react. I just really want you home right now."

"I know, baby, I wish I could be there right now." Actually I kinda don't 'cause when Addy acts up she goes all out and we'd be fighting like crazy if I was there right now. "I miss you so much. But I'm only gonna be here for a few more days, and then I'm coming home" She sighs and I can tell she's rubbing her forehead to try and get rid of the headache she has. "It's just some of the girls have some really fucked up lives, and they don't trust anyone else enough to talk about it. They need help, B, and I want to give them as much as I can before I leave. And I want to talk to Giles about setting up some kinda program in Lincoln where we can train a group of girls a couple days a week. I feel like we should be helping out more with the school. I mean, we are the original slayers, and there's so much we could be teaching them."

"That sounds like a good idea." And here I thought she wouldn't like my idea. Huh, maybe she's just really tired and she's agreeing with me because she doesn't have the energy to argue. That seems more likely then her actually liking the idea. "Babe, I'm gonna hand you over to Matthew." Before I can say anything the line goes really quiet, and I can hear her handing the phone to Mattie. I guess he's a little reluctant to talk to me 'cause he thinks I'm gonna be mad at him for getting in trouble at school.

"Hi Mama," he says and he sounds a little nervous. See, I told you he's scared about getting into trouble. I don't know why but he's always viewed me as the authority figure more then Buffy. I guess he thinks I'm like the head of the household or something. But whatever.

"Hey Mattie." I might as well get this out of the way. "So, Mom told me that you got in a fight at school. You wanna tell me what happened?" I hear him sigh and I know he's looking down at the ground. He does that whenever he gets in trouble and has to talk about it.

"David called you and Mom faggots, and he said that when you die you're going to hell because God hates gay people. And he called you and Mom whores because he thinks you had to have sex with a guy to make me, and Addison, and Joey. So I hit him, and he hit me and we started fighting." That's usually how fights start. I am kind of glad that he finally hit that kid to get him to shut the fuck up, but at the same time I'm mad. He knows he isn't supposed to use violence as an answer for anything, and I really hate to think that he learned it from us because we're slayers. "So I got suspended for three days." Only three days, are you fuckin kidding me?

"Well you know you're not supposed to fight, especially with someone who isn't a slayer. You could've really hurt him, Mattie." Willow gives me a strange look at the stern tone of my voice and I just roll my eyes. "I'm not mad at you, ok? Just don't hit people anymore, no matter how mad they make you." I sigh a little and take a sip of my beer. I am so going to need more of these. "I love you." He says it back and his voice is a little shaky. He doesn't get in trouble very often so when he does he kinda gets emotional about it. "Give the phone to your sister, ok?" I hear him hand the phone to Addy and I brace myself for whatever it is she has to say.

"Hi Mama." I go to say hi back but she doesn't give me the chance. "Guess what. Brother got in a fight at school today." She still hasn't figured out that when you say 'guess what' you're supposed to wait a few seconds for the person to guess.

"I know. Mommy told me. What did you do at school today?" I hear the bedspread shuffle as she shifts around and I can tell this might take a while.

"We made hand prints outta clay." Hmm, that's pretty cool I guess. "But when mine was drying Dean stepped on it 'cause he's a big, fat meanie." I can't help but smile and laugh a little bit at the raw emotion in her voice. It's like what that boy did is the worst thing in the whole world. I'm about to say something but she interrupts me. I hate it when people do that. "Mama are you mad at me?" Where the fuck did that come from?

"No, baby, I'm not mad at you." I hear her sigh like she doesn't believe me or something. Ok, who said what to make her think that? Did that sentence even make sense? "Why do you think I'm mad at you?" I take another drink from my beer and take a bite of shrimp now that the food is finally here.

"'Cause you've been gone a really long time. So you're mad at me and you don't wanna come home." Maybe I should go home tomorrow. If my kids are thinking shit like that then I need to get home. But I really need to talk to Giles first.

"No, Addy, I'm not mad at you. I just need to help some of the slayers here, and then I'll come home. I promise baby, I'll be home in a few days." She sighs again, but she doesn't say anything. I guess she doesn't believe me. "I love you, Addy." She says it back but her voice is low, and she sounds so sad. "Give the phone back to Mommy ok?" I wait until B's back on the line. I never knew they'd be so depressed if I was gone for a few days. It feels good to be loved, let me tell you.

"Hey," B says and she sounds a little sad too. Geez, what is it with all the unhappy people? I swear, I just need to be around one happy person right now and my night will be so much better. "What are you doing right now?" I tell her I'm out with Willow. "So, she's really lonely too, huh?" And what the fuck is that supposed to mean? "Sky's been hanging around here trying to help me around the house because she misses Willow. She can't talk about anything else. She had a little bit of a freak out the other night because she wants to have a baby but she isn't sure how to bring it up to Willow." Well I'll be damned. I would tell her about Willow but Red is sitting right there.

"Well, just send her out to the woods to go slaying, that should keep her busy." Buffy laughs a little bit, and the sound of her laugh makes me smile, it always has. I look up when I hear someone talking to me. It's the waitress and she's telling me to get off my cell phone. Fuckin bitch, doesn't she know this is important? "Baby, I gotta go. I guess cell phones aren't allowed in here." She sighs again and I know she's getting frustrated. "Don't worry baby. I'll be home in a few days, I promise."

"Yeah, yeah. That's what you said last time." I know I said it last time, and I had every intention of it, but things came up. I hear someone crying in the background, probably Joey, and Buffy sighs a really heavy sigh. "I gotta go too. I love you." I sigh too because this conversation was way too short. I hate it when I don't get to spend a lot of time talking to her.

"I love you too. I'll call around the same time tomorrow." She says that's fine and we say goodbye and she hangs up first. I sigh and close my cell phone and put it back in my pocket. I pick up my glass and chug the rest of my beer. I guess Willow already ordered another round because the waitress just put two full glasses on the table. God this night sucks so much. I just want to go home.

BPOV

1I'm patrolling by myself tonight. I thought I'd give Sky a break since she's done it every night this last week. She's babysitting the kids right now. I figured I'd let her get a little taste of what it's like to be a mom. I know that babysitting isn't the same at all, but I need a break, and Sky offered to watch them. Things are quiet tonight, and it is very strange. The vampires usually leave during the summer because of the longer days. I have no idea where they go, but it isn't here. It's still January though, and usually it can get pretty busy, but for whatever reason not tonight. So far all I've run into was a stray dog. A dog-dog, not a demon dog. The demons must be hibernating or something because I haven't seen one, and I've been patrolling for almost two hours. Maybe Sky killed them all. I'll have to have a talk with her when I get home.

I'm getting frustrated that Faith isn't here. I know she's helping the girls at the school and I know she wouldn't be there if Giles didn't ask her, but at the same time I just want her home. She's being vague about when she's coming back, and it's freaking me out. I know she loves me, and I know she'd never leave me but her being away like this is bringing up all types of insecurities. Like, I know she's away because she wants to help but there's a little part of me that thinks she's staying away because she's tired of me. That she's been with me for so long that she's finding excuses to stay away from me and the life we've built together. And who knows? Maybe she's cheating on me with some young blonde who doesn't have stretch marks on her stomach from being pregnant twice.

I know that's completely stupid. I know she isn't doing any of that stuff, but I have issues. My dad left my mom for a younger woman. It started out with lies about working long nights when he was really taking his secretary out and then sleeping with her. He finally got so tired of living with us that he left. Well, that's not exactly what happened. My mom found out about the cheating, and she tried to pretend that it wasn't happening even though it was so obvious that he was. They started fighting because of his long hours at work, and she finally confronted him about the cheating. They separated for a while before they got divorced. Dad moved out and got his own apartment, and on the weekends he'd take me and Dawn shopping or to the movies. Then the divorce was finalized and we moved to Sunnydale.

I loved my mom so much, and she was a strong, independent woman who didn't take shit from anybody. But I don't want to end up like her. A divorced, single mom raising her kids all by herself because her spouse ran off to chase after some skirts. And even after all these years of being with Faith I'm still that insecure girl trying to figure out how to have a happy ending. I know Faith can give me that, and I'm just being stupid thinking that she doesn't want me. If she was tired of living this life then she'd leave. Maybe not without warning. Hopefully she'd talk to me about it, say goodbye and all of that. It doesn't matter because she'd never leave me, or our babies. Faith isn't anything like my dad, she'd never abandon us.

I just need to stop thinking like that. It's just adding to the stress I already have. And I have more then enough stress to go around. I just wish this mom thing was easier. My mom made it look so damn easy. Then again my mom didn't have Addison as a daughter. I know that sounds horrible but that' show I feel sometimes. I love my baby girl to death, but there are some days I just want to send her away so I can get some peace. I think she's been acting up so much because she misses Faith. All of them. Even little Joseph has been testier then normal. He cries more and it takes me longer to calm him down.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts and back to reality when I hear something move up ahead. I can't see anything but I'm definitely sensing a demon. I open up my senses a little more and I can tell that the demon is about thirty feet ahead of me, but I can't be sure. I have been a little off lately and I have no idea why. Anyway, I keep walking and act like everything is fine and like I'm oblivious to my surroundings. I am on guard though, and I'm prepared for anything. I hear the thing move again, and I see a bush move a little bit. Ok, so I know where it's hiding, and I was only off by a couple of feet. I keep walking down the path and when I'm about ten feet away from the bush something jumps out onto the trail. Ok, totally wasn't expecting this.

"Aww," I say and take a step closer. "You're a cute little kitty." Yep, standing before me is a little kitten. It looks really dirty, and it's super skinny. It's almost pitch black outside and I can see its ribs. Then again I have slayer eyesight. That is so not the point. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty." I squat down and hold out my hand and the little cat looks at me like I'm crazy. "Come here little kitty. Doncha wanna come home with me and get something to eat?" I'm not really expecting the cat to answer me, but everybody talks to animals when no one else is around. I keep walking closer and it doesn't run away. It even lets me pick it up. So it's been around people before? I walk over to the bush it jumped out of and I almost get sick. I see two other kittens and they're both dead. They're inside a cardboard box. Someone just dumped them out here to die?

"Well you're going to be ok. I'll get you home and feed you some leftovers. How does that sound?" It meows a very weak sounding meow and I smile a little. "And everybody is going to love you. Joseph we'll keep you away from for a while. He might hurt you because he's just a baby and he doesn't understand, and you're really weak right now." I don't feel any muscles on this kitten. It's just skin and bones. If I don't' get it something to eat and soon it probably won't live to see tomorrow. "Faith won't like you at first but she's brought home two dogs without talking about it with me first so she has no right to complain." She doesn't, and I'm ot going to take no for an answer on this one. I'm about halfway home when a vampire comes out of the shadows. I so don't need this right now.

"It's a little late for you to be out, don't you think?" he asks with a smile. He's already in game face, and I just roll my eyes. He looks a little irritated at that. "What's the matter, can't find the soccer field?" Oh my God, did he just call me a soccer mom? I am so NOT a soccer mom. None of my kids play soccer.

"You are so going to regret that," I tell him and he has a very skeptic look on his face. I guess he doesn't know who I am. It's been a long time since I've run into a vampire who doesn't know I'm a slayer. "In just a second." I look around for a place to put the kitten. There's nothing out here though, so I set him or her down on the sidewalk. It collapses to the ground and I'm pretty sure it did that because it's too weak to hold itself up. "Ok, let's make this quick, I need to get home." I pull my stake out of my jacket and the vampire smiles a very challenging smile.

"You don't want to do that," he tells me and puts his hands in his pockets. Ok, why is he acting so nonthreatening? "You think I don't know who you are? You're the oldest slayer to ever live." He scans my body with his eyes and it takes me shiver a little bit. "Emphasis on old." That motherfucker. Oh, he is so going down. I lung at him, but he jumps out of the way and pushes me. I slam up against a chain link fence and steady myself. "You don't want to kill me, Slayer." Why can't vampires call me by my name? If they can figure out I'm the slayer I'm sure they can learn my name, it probably isn't that hard.

"You're a vampire, and I'm a slayer, what more reason do I need?" I really hope he doesn't bring up Angel and Spike because I really don't think I can take that emotional blow right now. I step off the sidewalk and onto the street. I'm about five feet away from the vampire and I can tell he's feeling a little nervous even though he's trying so hard to hide it.

"Because I'm here to give you a warning." Great, please don't tell me there's yet another big bad on its way to make my life harder then it already is. "Something's happening to your precious slayers in Cleveland. So here's how it's going to work: you give me something I want, and I'll tell you who's doing the killing." Wow, I guess the news doesn't travel as fast in the demon world as it used to. I roll my eyes and sigh. He gives me a weird look. "What? This is some serious shit slayer. Lots of your people are dieing. And here I thought you'd care."

"Of course I care. But we already found out who was committing the murders. A warlock named Ryder, right?" The look of shock on his face is really funny, but I don't laugh or smile. He lunges at me and I knee him in the stomach and punch him in the face. He recovers a lot faster then I thought he was going to, and he backhands me. I stumble backwards, and he rushes me. He knocks me on my back, and he's on top. He punches me in the face a couple of times and I know those bruises aren't going to go away for at least a couple of days. I bring my knee up hard and fast and hit him in the groin. It stuns him long enough for me to bring my stake up and stab it through his back. I shut my eyes, close my mouth, and hold my breath as he turns to dust.

"Well, that was rude," I say and stand up and brush myself off. I really need to buy one of those portable vacuum cleaners and take it with me on patrol. Dammit, he gave me a bloody nose. I'm glad it's not broken because realigning my nose is not something I enjoy. If it was broken I'd have Faith realign it for me, but she isn't here. Ok, Buffy, you need to stop thinking about that. She's in Cleveland helping the girls who need help. She'll be back in a couple days, she said so herself. I walk over to the kitten and I sigh a very heavy sigh. It's dead. I guess it was just too weak. I don't want to leave it here, but I don't want to take it home and bury it because it might come back to life. Hey, it happened in Sunnydale and it can happen here.

So I bury it in the flowerbed of the yard it died in front of. Hopefully these people won't get too mad about this. I didn't pull up any flowers or anything. I buried it in between two of the smaller rose bushes. I'm sure they won't notice. Anyway I head home and I'm a little surprised to see the living room light on. I look down at my watch and shake my head a little. It's three in the morning, what is Sky still doing up? I quietly unlock and open up the front door and walk inside. I go into the living room and I'm about to ask her what she's doing, but I stop. She's on the couch, slumped over a little bit, and lightly snoring. Joseph is lying against her, and he's fast asleep. He hasn't slept all through the night for the last couple of nights. I hope she didn't stress out too much.

I carefully pick up my baby boy and take him into the bedroom. I gently lie him down in his crib and he moves around a little bit, but he doesn't wake up. Thank God. I love my little baby, but listening to him cry for three hours straight is not something I enjoy at all. I grab an extra blanket and pillow out of the hall closet and go back into the living room. Sky hasn't moved an inch. I really hope this won't wake her up. I put the pillow at the end of the couch that's closest to her head, and set the blanket down on the floor. I gently hold onto Sky's shoulders and very carefully pull her down towards the pillow. She sucks in a deep breath and I freeze. I hope I didn't wake her up.

"Babe, I don't wanna go," she whines and her eyebrows furrow a little bit. She must think I'm Willow. At least I hope she thinks I'm Willow. I think it's kind of cute that both Sky and Willow talk in their sleep. If they ever do have kids I'm sure they'll talk in their sleep too. I wait a few seconds and when she doesn't say anything else I start to lay her down. "Babe I don't wanna go to work today." I have to bite my lips to keep from laughing. She starts to wiggle around and it makes it a little easier to pull her down. But she doesn't stop moving and I think she's going to wake up soon.

"Shh, Sky, go back to sleep," I whisper and gently stroke her hair. I'm trying to think of what Willow would do but I can't really come up with anything. "You don't have to go if you don't want to." That does the trick and she calms down. Now that that crisis is over, I take off her shoes and carefully lift her legs up onto the couch. I unfold the blanket and cover her up. I gently brush some stray hair out of her eyes and her nose twitches a little bit. I start to pull my hand back when she reaches out and grabs onto my wrist. But her eyes don't open. She's still asleep? Crap. She pulls me down onto the couch until I'm laying next to her. I don't want to fight against it because I don't want to wake her up. So now I'm laying on my living room couch, I'm being spooned by my best friend's fiancé, and the double Hs are starting to kick in.

"Babe don't leave me," she whispers and her hot breath brushes against my neck. The feeling it makes my pussy clench. Fuck, this is going to suck. "You always leave me." What is she talking about? I kind of want to wake her up so I can ask her what the hell she's talking about. "Stay with me, please?" I don't move, I don't say anything, I just lay here. Her arm tightens around my stomach and she starts to lightly snore again. At least now she won't talk anymore. I try to slowly move her arm, but her grip tightens even more. Ok, I guess I'll be sleeping here tonight. Well, sleep definitely won't be happening. If I go to sleep in this state of horniness I might do something stupid in my sleep. I'm going to need a lot of coffee in the morning, that's for damn sure.

FPOV

1Finally I'm home. I know I told B and the kids that it would only be a few days, but I was gone for another week and a half. I really didn't want to be gone that long, but I couldn't help it. There was one girl was on the brink of a nervous breakdown, and she wouldn't talk to anyone but me. She just couldn't handle being away from her family for so long, so we sent her home. A slayer who's already graduated lives about fifteen away from her, and they're going to train together. And now that the crisis is over I get to go home. Well, I already am home I just haven't gone in the house yet. I'm sitting in my rental car at five in the morning wondering why the living room light is still on.

Buffy is always home from patrol by four, and she usually takes a shower and goes to bed so there's no reason for the light to still be on. Unless something's wrong, but I think someone would have called me if something happened. Well, there's only one way to find out. I get out of my car and walk up to the front door. I pause and just listen. I have no idea what I'm listening for, but whatever it is I'm not hearing it. I unlock the door and walk inside. After I hang my jacket up and get the door closed I pause again and just listen. At this point I know what I'm listening for. I'm listening for the sounds of an affair, but I'm not hearing any. I do hear someone snoring, though.

I see a pair of feet sticking out from the end of the couch. I walk around to the other side and I'm very confused by what I see. I see Buffy and…Sky, and they're both laying on the couch. Sky is covered up with a blanket and she's asleep. Buffy is awake and spooned up against Sky, and she looks very uncomfortable. She can't see me yet, and she still doesn't know I'm here. I wonder how she's going to explain this. I walk fully in front of the couch and B looks up at me. She instantly gets a smile on her face, and she tries to get up, but Sky is holding her down. I raise an eyebrow at B, and she blushes a little bit.

"Help me," she whispers and I have to smile. She's just so damn cute sometimes. I reach down and carefully hold Sky's arm up so B can get away. I put one of the throw pillows where B was and Sky wraps her arm around that instead. She stays asleep, which is good 'cause if she finds out that Willow didn't come back with me she might freak out. I turn to Buffy and I was going to say something, but then she throws her arms around my neck and pulls me down into a very deep kiss. She dominates it completely, and I can't do anything but wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer. She pulls back from the kiss and starts sucking on my bottom lip. God, is she trying to turn me on?

"Maybe I should go away more often," I say when she finally gives me my lip back. Her eyebrows furrow, and she gets a frown on her face. Man, I really hope I didn't just kill the mood she's in 'cause she has me really worked up. I've missed her so much I just wanna throw her down on the bed and fuck her hard. After a few seconds of silence I go to say something, to apologize for upsetting her or whatever, but that's when she decides to talk. I really hate it when people interrupt me like that.

"No," she says and nuzzles my neck. I feel her lips lightly kiss my skin and I get goosebumps on my arms. "Don't ever go away again. Promise?" She pulls back and looks into my eyes. She looks a little desperate for an answer. I nod my head and I'm about to say it out loud but she starts kissing me again. I feel her hands grip my shirt and she starts pulling me forwards. I smile a little bit because I know she's leading me to the bedroom. At least I really fuckin hope so. "How come you didn't tell me you were coming home tonight? We could have done something special." While she talks I suck on her pulse point, and it makes her moan. She lets her head roll back and gives me better access to her oh so hot skin.

"Baby don't make me think right now," I tell her and she laughs a little. Oh she thinks that's funny? Well, I don't really care. Let her think it's funny. As long as I get my hands on her I don't care if she laughs at that. I press her against the hallway wall and press my body against hers. One of my thighs slips in between hers and I press it against her hot pussy. She hisses in a breath and starts grinding against my leg. "I missed you so much." I nibble on her earlobe and it makes her moan a very long, deep moan. The sound drives me a little crazy and she knows it. I grab onto the back of her thighs and lift her up. She wraps her legs around my waist and I carry her into our bedroom.

"Carrying me across the threshold, what is this our second honeymoon or something?" she asks in a playful voice and sucks on my ear. God I love it when she does that. I lay her down on the bed and she drags me down with her. I pull away from her a little and just look at her. She has some bruises on her face, a black eye and it looks like she had a bloody nose. She's been really worked up since the moment she saw me so I know she went patrolling. I smile a little as I think about the question she asked.

"It will be if you wear the hat," I tell her with a little bit of laughter in my voice. She smiles and even though she has bruises on her face and some dried blood she's never looked more beautiful. Well, when she gave birth to the boys, and on our wedding day, but this is a close fourth. She looks deeper into my eyes and that little playful mood is slowly disappearing and it's being replaced with the intensity we had goin. I lean down and kiss her and in a matter of seconds it goes from light pecking to very deep tongue massaging. I reach down and grab the hem of her shirt. I pull it up a little and she arches her back to help me out. We kiss each other as long as we can but we have to pull apart for a few seconds so I can take her shirt off. Those few seconds feel like forever.

She pushes my shoulders back and it forces me to stop kissing her. I look into her eyes and I'll admit I'm a little confused. Why did she do that? She gives me a little wink and scoots up the bed until she's laying against the pillow. She takes off her shoes, her shocks and her pants and drops everything to the floor. When the shoes it the hardwood I look over at the crib to make sure she didn't wake up the baby. I don't think I can stop, and I don't to try. I need her so much right now. So anyway, she strips down to her pink, lacey panties and holds her hand out. I crawl up the bed and press my body against hers. I kiss her again, and as soon as our lips touch she wraps her arms around my back.

"You're a little overdressed, don't you think?" she asks and lifts my shirt up. I let her take it off, then I stand up and slowly strip. I make a little show out of it. When I bend over to take off my boots I turn so my back is facing her, this way she has a nice view of my ass. When I take off my pants I put a little more wiggle into my hips then I need to, but I want her to enjoy the show. I look over at her lying on the bed and looking sexy as hell and she's smiling so I know I'm doing a good job. I slowly slip my thong down my thighs and I hear her suck in a deep breath. I step out of it and stand back up. I act like I'm going to drop the piece of damp, black cloth onto the ground but at the last second I toss it at B and it hits her right in the face. She laughs and tosses it to the floor.

"Just get up here," she says with a big smile on her face. Fuck it feels so good to be home. I crawl up the bed again, and again I press my body against hers. Only this time I press my very wet pussy against her thigh. If I don't get some release soon I think I'll go crazy. I hear her giggle and I give her a questioning look. What the fuck? "How busy were you at the school?" What does that have to do with anything? "You're all fuzzy, Wuzzy." She puts more pressure on my crotch with her thigh and it makes me moan a little. I slip my hand under her panties and rub my fingertips against her mound. I smile a little bit and rest my forehead against hers.

"You're not exactly baby bottom smooth, B." She gets a little mock-offended look on her face and goes to say something but I kiss her. It takes her a couple seconds to respond and when she does she deepens it. While we kiss I gently tease her mound. She's moving her hips around and trying manipulate my fingers to where she needs me most, but I won't let her. I start to slowly grind against her leg and I already know it isn't gonna be enough. "I hope these aren't new." She gives me a confused look, but I don't say anything. I rip her underwear and pull them out from under her. I toss them across the room and start kissing her again. This one is more passionate. It's lips, tongues and teeth gnawing at each other like if we stop we'll die.

I lift myself off her thigh, and hold myself up on my hands and knees so my body is hovering above hers. We're connected at the mouth, but that's it, we aren't touching in another other way. I need more and soon. It feels like every nerve ending in my body is screaming out for me to touch her. We break the kiss when we need to breath and I kiss down her jaw line and latch onto her throat. I don't care if we came up with that little 'no hickie' rule. I feel her hands rubbing up and down my back. Her fingernails scratch my smooth skin and it makes me moan out her name. She spreads her legs farther apart for me and I slowly bring myself down to her. I press my body against hers and we both moan out at the contact.

"Please stop teasing me Faith. Please," she quietly begs. I gently suck on her earlobe and then pull back and blow some more air onto the wet spot. I makes her moan and dig her fingernails into my shoulder blades. She wraps her legs around my lower back and presses her hot, wet pussy up against mine. "You have no idea how bad I need you." Her fingernails dig in deeper and she's going to draw blood soon if I don't do something. So I stop teasing her. I reach down between our bodies with one hand and spread our lips apart. I look into her eyes as I lower myself down and press our clits together. We both moan at the contact, but she's been slaying so the feeling for her is amplified. She doesn't just moan, but her eyes close and she her head rolls back against the pillow.

"God, you are so beautiful," I whisper to her and gently kiss the shell of her ear. She shivers and I watch the goosebumps rise on her arms. We start a slow rhythm and she feels so fuckin good. I miss being able to do this with her whenever we want. I've missed her, period. She's right, I'm never going away again. I want to be with her for the rest of forever. "B, you feel so good." My lips rub against the smooth skin of her neck. She moans and digs her nails into my back. That makes me moan, and I start thrusting harder against her. "Buffy, do that again." She scratches my back again, and I arch against her and our breasts press against each other.

"Faith, Faith, oh God Faith," she moans and our slow rhythm starts to pick up. God, I'm so close. I can tell she is too because she doesn't start with the 'oh God Faith' until she's on the brink. I nip at her neck and it makes her arch against me again. I bite a little harder and she lets out one long moan. Then I feel her hot come gush out of her. About three seconds later I'm thrown into the land of happy places, and I have to bite my lips to keep from screaming out her name. My whole body is tense and I keep thrusting against her as I ride out my orgasm. Then I start to calm down, and my arms and legs go limp, and I collapse on top of her. I roll over so I'm on my back, and not crushing her even though she didn't seem to mind.

"Thank you," I hear her say. At least I think I did. I could be hallucinating, that was one hell of an orgasm. Then I feel B wrap an arm around my stomach and she's panting against my neck. I shiver and put my hand on her arm, but I'm still not fully recovered so there won't be any more movement out of me right now. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." She starts kissing my neck, but then she stops. I guess she still hasn't recovered all the way. I don't know how long we spend just laying here, but after a while she's able to sit up. "Baby, lets get under the covers. Wouldn't want one of the kids to walk in on us like this. They'd never let us forget it." I laugh a little bit and we crawl under the comforter. B snuggles up to me, and I wrap my arms around her and give her a little kiss on her temple.

"So, exactly how much did you miss me?" I ask with a smile on my face and it makes her laugh a little bit. "'Cause I kinda, sorta talked to Giles about setting something up here in Lincoln, but we're going to need your help to do it." I don't want to talk about this now, but I know I'll forget and she'll get really mad if I don't tell her. "When I was up there and talking with the girls and training with them it made me feel a little guilty that we don't help out enough up there. So I talked to Giles about setting up a program here where we'd train with a group of girls a couple days a week. And after a month or two they'd go back to the school." I feel Buffy nod her head a little bit and judging by her deep breathing I'd bet she's drifting off and not really paying attention to me. "But we can talk about it later."

"Ok," she whispers and then she's gone. Well, not gone, just not awake. I close my eyes and wait for unconsciousness to take over but it doesn't. Now that I'm thinking about the training program I can't stop, and now I'm wide awake. Crap. Well, this fuckin sucks. Giles and I didn't really go over the specifics because he wanted me to talk to Buffy about it first and if she agrees then we'll all come up with something. I told Giles I want to do this with or without Buffy's help, so I guess it would be ok to come up with some type of plan. Jeez, who am I and what happened to the real Faith? I've never been the 'think up a plan' kind of girl. Well, it's never too late to start I guess.

I was thinkin we could keep the groups small. No more then ten girls at a time so we can help them out individually if they need it. And the forest gets so much demony activity that a couple months will be enough for them to get in some really good training. Wait…did I just say 'demony activity'? Maybe I do need to start spending less time with Buffy and more time with sane people. Anyway, we're gonna have a couple problems to work out. One of 'em is space. The training shed out back isn't big enough for a small group of slayers to train. We're gonna have to buy a space, maybe an old warehouse or something. The other problem is: where the hell are the girls going to live? We barely have enough room for us in this house let alone ten teenage girls. Maybe Giles can buy an apartment complex or something. Ok, now I'm getting tired. All this thinking has worn me out.


	64. The Miracle Of Life

**Six Months Later.** FPOV

"I still don't understand why my dad wants me to be here," I tell B and shift around in the very uncomfortable plastic chair. I wouldn't be so bitchy if it wasn't two in the morning, and I wasn't interrupted in the middle of very great sex. I was wearing the strap-on, and B was wearing her cowgirl hat and riding me for all she was worth. You have no idea how dead sexy she looks in that hat, especially when she's riding me. Anyway, about halfway through it, the phone starts ringing. I wanna ignore it, but Buffy can't let the phone ring because it could've been slayer related. So I answered, and it was my dad on the other line saying that Brittany went into labor and for whatever reason he wants me at the hospital to witness this miracle of life.

"Faith, your little brother or sister is going to be born why wouldn't he want you here?" I shrug my shoulders and shift on the chair again. I know I'm acting like a little spoiled kid, but I don't care. It's too fuckin early for this shit. "I know that you haven't been able to spend as much time with your dad but he loves you, and this is a very important moment in his life and he wants to share it with you." She reaches over and holds onto my hand. I guess she's right. My dad didn't have to call me, but he did. I'm just bitchy 'cause it's early, and I'm still a little worked up, and we've been here for three hours. I went in and talked to Brittany once just to see how she was doing, but she wants to be alone.

A lot of stuff has happened in the last six months, so I might as well take this time to get you all caught up since it takes most first time moms thirteen hours to push their kid out. In February Joey turned one. We had a birthday party for him at the house. It was mostly just Buffy's friends and their kids. Joey is too young to understand the concept of birthdays, but the cake was wicked good and that's all that matters. I don't wanna sound like an ass, but in all honesty there really is no point to celebrating the first birthday. Most of the kids end up crying because all eyes are on them, and it makes them uncomfortable. They don't get the concept of opening presents, and they have trouble doing it on their own. So the only real reason to throw a one year old a birthday party is to gorge on cake and not have to feel guilty about it.

February was also the month Giles bought a large apartment complex that we turned into a 'slayer headquarters'. It's a five story building and three bottom floors have been turned into training rooms, and storage rooms for the weapons and training stuff. The two top floors are the living quarters for the girls. It's a small group, only four, and they're our guinea pigs. We're not sure how this is going to turn out, or what type of training plans are going to work better then others, so we're testing everything out on them. When we have a better routine down then we'll get a few more, but no more then ten. If we get groups bigger then ten then we won't have enough time to help the girls out individually, and being able to do that is important.

And this works out for them too because they're getting school credit for it. The girls' parents are being told it's an internship, and so are the states of Ohio and Nevada. And since me and Buffy aren't certified teachers, Sky and Willow have moved in not far from us. Buffy got so excited because her best friend is finally living close to her again. Willow is just as excited, and me and Sky are neutral. Don't get me wrong I like Red, she's a cool girl but we're not exactly buddy-buddy. So I was happy for Buffy, but other then that I couldn't have cared less. They're finally talking about having kids. I guess Buffy filled Willow in on how much Sky babbled about wanting some but not knowing if Willow wanted any or not. So who knows, maybe in the near future we'll be in this hospital waiting for Sky to deliver her and Willow's.

Anyway, the training program is goin way better then I thought it would. I love teaching the girls new techniques, and my style is very different from what they're being taught at the school. At the school they're learning basically the bare minimum of slaying demons and vampires. I'm teaching them how to get the job done and looking good doing it. Come on, there's slaying, and then there's slaying in style. You gotta look cool takin out the vamps and the demons or there's barely a point. And the forest here has a very large variety of demons and this town has plenty of vampires to give the girls a lot of hands on experience that they normally wouldn't experience until their junior year of high school.

Yep, that's right, I requested freshmen, and sophomore girls only. When I was there it seemed like the freshmen and sophomores have the hardest time adjusting to the school, and emotionally it's hard. The girls seem to be doing great though, and I'm available twenty-four seven if they need to talk. I even bought another cell phone and they're the only ones with the number for it. If that's not dedication then I don't know what is. But they're gone now. The school year ended in the beginning of June, so they're home with their parents until September. I will admit, only to you, that I do miss 'em. They saved my ass a couple of times, and that's the kind of thing that will bring people closer together.

Anyway, earlier this month Mattie had his birthday. That's right, my boy is now eleven years old, and this August he's going to be starting sixth grade. This is his last year of elementary school. After this he'll be in junior high, and after two years of that he'll be in high school. Just the thought of that is pretty amazing, and scary at the same time. He's gonna be a teenager in three years. He's gonna be hormonal, and temperamental, and thinking about nothing but girls, and how to get in their pants. He's growing up, and it's scary. I want to think of him as my little boy, but he's not so little anymore. I have a feeling that the goodbye kisses before he rushes off to school are nearing an end.

Buffy's been taking it easy with the slayer. She had a little incident that kinda spooked her. She went slaying by herself to work off some tension 'cause Addy was acting up again. A vamp overpowered her and stabbed her in the stomach with her own stake. I guess this shit has happened before sometime in Sunnydale, I guess when I was locked up. She slowly coming to terms with the reality of just because there are thousands of slayers out there it doesn't mean that slaying is less dangerous, it just means we have more backup if we need it. So now whenever she slays she doesn't go alone.

Back in May me and Buffy celebrated our second wedding anniversary. And just like the one before it we spent the weekend in Vegas. We wanted to do something different, maybe go the Florida or something and enjoy the beach, but we decided not to because if we're going to go that far away it's going to be longer then a weekend, and we didn't want to stay away too long because of the slayers the needed training. So next year we're going to have Giles send out Kennedy to train with the girls for a week while Buffy and I enjoy ourselves on some sandy beach, soaking up the sun and fucking the night away. Well, we did that last part in Vegas, but there was no sandy beach, or sun soaking.

"Thinking about the anniversary again?" Buffy whispers into my ear and I nod my head a little bit. I know it was two months ago but I think about it every once in a while, and I guess I get a little smirk on my face whenever I do. The funny thing about the anniversary is it started out in Vegas and we were having a great time, but it ended when I had to go to the hospital because I dislocated my hip. We bought some new toys on our way to the hotel, and I got a little…over enthusiastic about it. It didn't hurt that bad and when the doctor put it back in place I was fine, it only took two days to heal. It wasn't all my fault, it was mostly the angle that caused my hip to pop out of its socket. And you are so not getting any more details.

"That's the last time we ever drink tequila before we have sex," I whisper back and it makes her giggle a little bit. She thinks it's funny now but at the time she was freaking out. Anyway, lets stop talking about that little incident, it's not one of my proudest moments. Some not so good stuff happened a couple months ago. Xander and his wife got divorced. He wasn't even going to tell us. We only found out when Giles let it slip. The only reason Giles knew is because Xander needed to borrow some money for the down payment on a new house. This happened back in April and the custody battle for Miranda is still going on. They can't agree on anything when it comes to Miranda. They both want her full time and neither of them are backing down.

I talked to Xander just last week, and he's doing fine. I guess him and Katie haven't gotten along for a long time, and all they did was fight, and even with marriage counseling they couldn't work it out. He sounded…relieved on the phone the first time I talked to him after they split up. The only thing he was really worried about was Miranda. I don't meant to sound like Buffy, but when I think about how much Xander loves his little girl I know exactly why we slay, why we'll never stop fighting evil. It makes all the deaths, and all the pain seem less pointless. Yeah, I know, I totally sound like Buffy right now. I can't help it. No one can sound tough, and badass when they're talking about Xander and his daughter.

"Are you Faith Lehane?" someone asks and it snaps me outta my little zone out. I look up at the nurse and nod my head a little. Why is she asking for me? Did something go wrong? Did my dad finally realize that he had a kid with someone younger then his own daughter and have a heart attack or something? "Your father wants to see you." I stand up and B is right at my side. The nurse smiles a little but then it goes away. "I'm sorry ma'am, but he said only Faith can come back." Hmm, I wonder why he said that? I don't question her on it, though. I just give B a little kiss on the lips and tell her I won't be too long. But then she tells me to take my time, and that she's going to go to the cafeteria and get something to eat.

The nurse leads me through the large swinging doors and down the long hallway. We stop at the very end, she motions towards the door on the right, and then she walks off. Ok, that was a little weird, are they supposed to walk off like that? I guess it doesn't matter. I slowly open the door and walk in. The lights are dimmed and it takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust from the blinding florescent lighting out in the hallway. The first thing I see is Brittany lying in the hospital bed, and she's asleep. Her hair is messy, and a little crusty looking from the dried sweat. The second thing I notice is Brittany's stomach, which is a lot smaller then it was the last time I saw her. So she had her kid in a little under four hours? That has gotta be a record for a first time mother.

The third thing I see is my dad sitting a chair in the far corner of the room with the table lamp turned on. The baby is cradled in his arms, wrapped in a big light green blanket, and he's smiling a very soft smile. The only time I ever see him smile like that is when he smiles at me. The weird thing is I don't feel jealous. I don't feel panicked that my dad is going to love that kid more then me. I don't feel worried that he's going to cut me out of his life and just be with his new family. I thought I would feel all those things, but I don't. Looking at him and seeing him so happy, it makes me feel calm. I take a couple of steps towards him and he looks up. I guess he didn't hear me before. His smile gets even bigger, and it makes me smile too.

"Get over here," he whispers so he won't wake up the new mom. "Meet your little sister." A little sister? I have a little sister? I walk over to him, and sit down on the arm of the chair. I look down at the little bundle in his arms and she's asleep too. I guess the delivery wiped both of 'em out. "She was born about an hour ago, but they had to take her away because she wasn't breathing." That must've been so scary. "The doctor said she's gonna be fine. I guess it was just too tight of a squeeze." That makes me laugh, but I force myself to shut up 'cause I really don't want to be on the receiving end of Brittany's wrath if she wakes up. "Her name's Grace." I was hoping he wouldn't name her something like that. But whatta gonna do? "Wanna hold her?"

"It's weird you feel like you have to ask," I say with a little smile. He very carefully hands me my little sister. She squirms around a little bit but she doesn't wake up. Holding a newborn is such a weird experience. Weird, but good. It's kind of hard to describe. I look down at her, and even though she's only about an hour old she's really cute. Most newborns look weird because their skulls are kind of mushy to make the trip out of the birth canal possible. But she's cute. She has a little bit of hair but it's hard to tell what color it is in this soft lighting. I think it's brown, but it could just look darker. I'll have to ask my dad later. I don't want to talk. I feel like if I talk right now I'll kill this little moment I'm having.

I slowly lean down a little to give her a kiss on the forehead. Her skin is so soft, and she has that infant smell. I know that sounds crazy, but the smell of a newborn baby is…really hard to describe because it's unique. But it's a really good smell, and smelling Grace is reminding me of what it was like to hold my kids when they were first born. I look over at my dad when I feel his arm on my back. He nods his head to the side a little and I know what he wants. I get up and then sit down across his lap. I lean against his chest and give him a little kiss on the cheek. This kid has no idea how lucky she is to have a dad like him. He'll never put her down, or make her feel stupid about her opinions on everything. He'll never let her think that she can't be anything in the world when she grows up.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" he asks in a very soft whisper. I nod my head and smile a little bit. I'm not smiling because of the baby, I'm smiling because of a memory that's running through my head now. It's of the last time I sat in my dad's lap like this before he was arrested. We were in the living room, on his recliner, and he was reading me a bed time story. It was Snow White, and it was the part when the magic mirror tells the wicked queen that Snow White is the fairest in the land. My dad stopped reading and gave me a kiss on my cheek and said that it's obvious the book was written before I was born otherwise it would say that I'm the fairest of them all because I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. And the little runt in my arms is my competition for that title. Well, I guess we can share it because she is really cute.

"Yeah she is," I whisper, and snuggle into my dad a little more. I don't care if I'm an adult, sometimes a girl just needs to be held by her dad no matter how old she is. I guess he understands because his grip tightens just a little. I gently run the tip of my finger next to Grace's mouth and her cheek starts to twitch. It's a natural instinct that little babies have. The only reason I'm doing it is because when their mouth and cheeks twitch like this it looks like they're trying to smile. If this little girl takes after her mom then she's going to have a very pretty smile when she gets older. I kinda can't wait to see it.

"She looks like you when you were born," my dad whispers and rests his chin on the top of my head. He's really tall and I'm kinda short so even with his chin on top of my head he can still look down at the little girl in my arms. "'Cept she has Brittany's nose. Her eyes're blue, but so were yours when you little. They didn't start to turn brown until you were a year old." We stop talking, and we just look down at the little life that I'm holding. It's so different from when I held my own kids. This is my little sister, and we're going to get into so much trouble together.

BPOV

I watch Faith walk through the big swinging doors and I sigh a little. I told her I'd go to the cafeteria because I didn't want her to make a big deal about me not being able to go back with her. It isn't a big deal. Her dad wants this to be a family moment and I understand. When my kids were bone I wanted it to just be us for a little while before we shared then with everyone else. So I head towards the elevator because I'm not going to walk down three flights of stairs just to eat crappy hospital food. What is it about the food in hospitals and in schools that is so gross? I don't understand it. Why am I even worrying about it? It's not like it matters.

I remember when I first met my little sister. I didn't get to see her in the hospital. For some reason my parents didn't want that. The first time I saw her was when they walked through our front door. My mom was holding this little bundle in her arms and it was moving. Then she knelt down and let me look at my little sister. And just for the record my mom and dad did not leave a six-year-old at home by herself. One of our neighbors was watching me but that part got left out when Willow went inside my mom and had that hold head trip with the three mes. Anyway she knelt down and let me see Dawn and I remember thinking she looked a little weird. All newborns look weird. But then I held her and it's like I knew that I'd have to look out for her, that not even our mom or dad could fully protect her.

That sounds really stupid though. I don't know why, it just does. I guess because my mom and dad couldn't fully protect her. I'm not just talking about the swan dive I took off the tower. I'm talking about from all the vampires and demons and other supernatural evils. Even natural ones. No parent can protect their daughter from her first heart break. Come to think of it neither can their big sister. Then again Dawn's first heart break that I can remember was because of a spell so I didn't really stand much of a chance. Sometimes I can't help but think that maybe if I had been around for Dawn to talk to then she wouldn't have lied about the paternity of her boys. Maybe she would have talked to me about it and I could have convinced her to be honest with Kyle about it.

It's a bittersweet pill to swallow because on one hand what Dawn did is horrible. She cheated on someone who loved her more then anything else in the world. She was impregnated by someone else and she lied to everyone about it. What she did is unforgivable in Kyle's eyes. She hasn't heard from him since he took off the day he found out about the true father of the babies. But at the same time I'm a little glad she did sleep with Michael because now she has two sweet, adorable little boys. I babysit for her every Monday because the daycare they're going to is very expensive, and she can only afford to put them in it for four days a week. What I'm trying to get at is I'm glad Dawn had them because they're the best thing that could have happened to her, in my opinion at least.

Even though I'm happy for her I'm a little sad for her at the same time. The boys are only a year old so she doesn't have any free times on her hands, and I can tell she's lonely. And not the type of lonely that a daily visit from your sister can cure. She won't admit it because she thinks if she does she'll look weak, but she wants someone there to hold her at night. And holding is the farthest I'm willing to let my mind wander to. I want my sister to be happy in every way possible but that doesn't mean I have to think of all the different ways. Ok, I'm going to stop thinking about this now because it's nearing the realm of disturbing. All I'm trying to say is I want my sister to be happy, and right now she isn't as happy as she can be. I think if she found a great guy who she can fall in love with and who will love her back and raise her kids with her as if they were his own, then she'd be truly happy.

As I walk down the hallway towards the cafeteria I pass a payphone, and I think about calling and checking on the kids. I guess it's just a mother's instinct to want to know what their children are doing at all times. But I really don't think Willow and Sky would appreciate being woken up at three in the morning just so I can ask how the kids are doing. I know it probably could have waited until the weekend, but Faith and I wanted the house to ourselves. So we asked Willow and Sky if the kids could have a sleep over at their place. The kids love staying over at aunt Willow's house because she lets them stay up late and eat whatever they want. Hopefully she sent them to bed at a reasonable time because Matthew has school in the morning, and Addison has daycare.

I'm sure she did. Willow knows the importance of academic achievement. I know we probably sound like bad parents pawning our children off on other people so we can have the house to ourselves. But when you have kids privacy goes out the window, and hearing Faith yell out 'ride me harder cowgirl' and then hearing me moan when I start to ride her harder would probably scar all three of our children for life. So us pawning them off on Willow and Sky doesn't make us bad parents. We're just looking out for their psychological health. And if looking out for their psychological health means I get to ride Faith like a bucking bronco then it works out for everybody. The kids don't have anything to complain to a therapist about, and me and Faith get to enjoy each other for a night and not have to worry about keeping the noise down.

Anyway, so I'm almost to the cafeteria but then I change my mind. I'm not hungry right now and I don't have any money on me anyway. So where am I going to go? Maybe I'll just so wait for Faith in the hall where I was sitting. Sounds like a plan to me. So anyway, the last six months have been a little crazy. Joseph turned one in February. I know, it's a little crazy to think that my baby boy is now a year and five months old. He's walking now too, and getting into everything he can get his little hands on. At least he's doing that when he's not following me around. For whatever reason he's still really clingy with me. He wants me to hold him all the time, and it's only gotten worst since he learned to walk.

Another thing that he likes to do is wake up in the middle of the night and start crying out my name. I've tried to ignore it, and hoped that he would realize that I wasn't going to give him any attention and then he'd go back to sleep. He cried for almost two hours before I finally caved. I picked him up, talked to him a little and let him snuggle up next to me in my bed. Faith was a little irritated because she's always been against letting the kids sleep in our bed. I have no idea why. I mean, if it's on a regular basis then yeah I can see her getting irritated, but the occasional late night snuggle? There's nothing wrong with that. I think she just gets grumpy because she's woken up in the middle of the night.

I never realized that having a kid like Joseph could be so exhausting. Every parent wants their kids to want them. Matthew was always all about Faith, and they were always playing together. But he wasn't like this with her. He didn't only want her all the time. And Addison is more independent from us then the boys. She's always been about her big brother. Sure, sometimes she gets a little clingy, like when Ryder was killing those girls and Addison was seeing it, but she only wanted us because she was really scared. And again when I was pregnant with Joseph. She only wanted to be around me so much because she thought I was really sick, and that the baby was really sick.

Joseph follows me around all the time, and he cries for me to hold him, and it's exhausting. He'll go to Faith but not very often. He loves spending time with Willow and Sky though. He's really good for them, and I have no idea why. I love my little boy, and I love spending time with him, but when I'm trying to get the house cleaned, and the bills paid I can't cuddle with him and give him the attention that he wants. I'm thinking this August I'm going to put him in daycare. That way Faith and I will be able to go back to school, and it will be a lot easier on us because she won't have to take night classes. Matthew will be at school, and Addison and Joseph will be at daycare. We can take the same class, pick the two up from daycare and be home before Matthew gets back from school.

I stop when I reach my destination. I look through the glass and smile a little bit at all the little babies that are in the nursery. Yeah, I came to look at the babies, so what? Maybe I'll be able to spot Brittany's baby. It shouldn't be too hard, unless there are two babies with the last name of Lehane. I doubt that though. I remember after Matthew was born the nurse took him away and put him in the nursery so we could both get some rest. But I wasn't tired and I just wanted to look at my little baby some more. It's kind of hard to explain. It wasn't really a need to hold him, or protect him. I just wanted to watch him.

I stood in front of that glass for two hours before anyone came looking for me. I had told Faith to go home that day and get some sleep, and get a shower. She was getting a little ripe. She found me, but she didn't say anything. She wrapped her arms around me from behind and gave me a little kiss on my neck, and we stood there together for another hour before a nurse finally chased me back to my room. I was in the hospital for almost a week and Faith only went home the once, and even then I had to pretty much force her to leave. She was so protective of me, and sometimes it got a little scary. Her more violent tendencies started to come back to the surface when one doctor was getting a little snippy with me. She's always had this bulldog personality, and she can control it most of the time.

I watch as a nurse walks into the room pushing one of those plastic basinets. She takes the baby out of it, and puts it in a different one that's more towards the back. I must've completely zoned out because I haven't been looking at the names. I watch as the nurse smiles and talks to the little baby that she just put in the basinet. I glance down at the nametag and it makes me frown a little. So, that's not Faith's little sibling. I still can't tell if it's a boy or a girl. Normally they wrap the babies in blue or pink blankets, but this baby has a white one. The mom must've packed it in her suitcase or something. First time moms can be very…anal about the different blankets that their baby is going to use.

She'll learn very fast that it doesn't really matter what blanket you use as long as they stay warm. And in a while there will be 'the blanket', and the baby will want only that one. Well, it doesn't have to be a blanket, it could be a teddy bear, but there will be something special to the kid and they'll want only that. Matthew's already been through that phase. He had this toy dog that Faith bought him, and he wouldn't go anywhere without it. But it got old, and dirty, and really gross. So one day I threw it out and told him Tucker ate it. I know that was a horrible thing to do, but you don't understand how disgusting that toy got. I don't think Matthew even looked at Tucker for a week. That poor dog got so depressed. It was really sad. But he eventually got over it.

Addison has to have her butterfly pillowcase or she can't sleep. She doesn't care if she has the matching sheets or blanket, all she cares about is the pillowcase. I have no idea why. I guess my kid is just weird that way. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I think she gets that from Faith. I have a couple different bed sets and Faith only likes a select few. One day I was putting on one that I thought would look nice for the summer she got all pissy about it, and when I finally snapped and asked her why she said that she doesn't like the feel of the pillowcase. Anyway, Joseph has to have his really soft fleece blanket that I bought for him before he was born. He doesn't have to be covered up with it, he just likes the feel of it against his face because it's very soft. I wonder if Faith is done looking at her little sister yet, 'cause I'm getting bored.

FPOV

I don't know how, or when I got home, but here I am. The last thing I remember is holding my baby sister. She was starting to wake up and I was going to get to see her eyes. I'm lying in bed I must've fallen asleep at the hospital and either Buffy or my dad put me here. Hopefully Buffy since I'm in my pajamas. Wait…these aren't my pajamas, unless I bought them while sleepwalking. They're black and silk, and they feel really good against my skin, but I don't remember buying them. Maybe Buffy got them for me as a little gift or something. I yawn and stretch my arms above my head and sit up. When did we buy a new comforter? Buffy always has me go linen shopping with her. And I would remember if she talked me into buying a pink comforter with little white daisies.

I think I need to have a talk with my wife. I get out of bed and walk down the hall. What happened to some of our family pictures? Some of them are gone. And there's pictures of other people that I don't recognize at all. This is getting really weird. I walk out into the living room but I don't see anybody. I can't help but notice that everything is different. There's a new couch, a new loveseat, new recliner, new TV, new carpet, new everything. And where did that dog come from? It's small and fluffy and I've never seen it before in my life. But it's sitting on the couch licking itself. Ok, something must've happened back at the hospital. Maybe someone was dying a witch wanted to reverse time, but she wasn't powerful enough to control the spell and it went ka-blooey, and it sent me forward in time. Does that make sense?

I see a picture on the end table by the couch and it makes my heart stop. Not literally or anything even though it feels like it. I walk over and slowly pick up the wooden frame. It's a picture of all of us: me, Buffy, Mattie, Addy, and Joey. Except we're all different. We're all older. Joey looks about five, so Addy would be around eight, and Mattie would be about fourteen. Please don't let this be a spell that can't be reversed. Because if this is a spell and I can't go back in time then I might lose it. All of those years just gone. I don't remember any of it. I don't have those memories of seeing my kids growing up. I need to find Buffy. Maybe she knows what's going on. I put the picture down and head for the kitchen. The reason I'm going towards the kitchen is because I hear people talking.

I stand in the doorway and just look. Buffy is at the stove cooking breakfast, and the kids are sitting at the table. At least two of them are. My eyes tear up a little when I see them. Addy has got to be at least sixteen. She's wearing a pink, low cut shirt that's showing off more cleavage then I would ever let her get away with. She's wearing a white, zip-up sweater but it's open so there's no point in wearing it. Her hair is long, and curly. It's a lot like mine, only the curls aren't as wild so she must've done something to it, maybe put some type of product in it. She's beautiful. She's probably a little heartbreaker. At least I hope so, 'cause if anyone breaks my daughter's heart they're gonna know what it feels like to get their ass handed to them by a slayer.

I watch as she picks up a strawberry from her little bowl of fruit. She acts like she's going to eat it but at the last second she throws it at Joey. It lands on his light orange shirt and a little red spot shows up. He starts yelling at her and she starts laughing. Then Buffy yells at both of them. Ok, so not much has changed, but instead of picking on Mattie, she's picking on Joey. He looks so much like my dad. He isn't as tall, or as stocky, but I'm sure when he gets older he will be. If Addy is sixteen then Joey is…thirteen. So he probably isn't in the business of breaking hearts yet, but he's going to be handsome enough to run the company. His hair is cut really short and his shirt is really baggy. So I guess that look still hasn't gone out of style. As long as his pants down sag down below his ass I really don't care.

I look over at Buffy and she's so…stunning. If my math is right then she's probably around forty-six, but you definitely can't tell by looking at her. She's in form fitting capris, she finally has an ass, and her legs are nice and tan. Her shirt is also pretty snug. I can't see what it looks like from the front, but if I know my wife then it's probably showing just the right amount of cleavage. She's died her hair again and it's a really light blonde color. She got it cut too, and it's at her shoulders. Why did she get her hair cut really short? I like it long 'cause I like to pull on it when we have sex. I guess I'll just have to make due with what I got.

I decide to walk in the room since I've been standing here for like five minutes and nobody's noticed me. As soon as I step in the room the kids look up at me. Addy's still smiling but Joey looks a little…disappointed. Ok, did I say no to him doing something or going somewhere? 'Cause if my kid is going to be mad at me then I'd really like to know why. I mean, this isn't fair. If this is some kind of spell then I think the memories should come rushing back to me like in that movie The Butterfly Affect. Sure it hurt like hell, and sometimes the guy's nose bled, but I'd rather deal with that then not know anything at all. I walk up behind Buffy wrap my arms around her. She tenses up a little bit, which is really fuckin weird.

"Hey baby," I say and give her a little kiss on the neck. She shivers a little bit and then she shrugs me off of her. What the fuck? Buffy only does that when she's pissed at me for something and she doesn't want me to touch her. "Baby what's the matter?" She doesn't say anything, she just focuses on the bacon that's cooking in the skillet. Well, that's weird. I let go of her because she obviously doesn't want me touching her. I sit down at the table and start stacking my plate with pancakes and sausage. I'm sitting next to Addy, and she leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning, Mama," she says in a very happy voice. Well, at least someone is happy to see me. Wait, I recognize that tone. I mean, obviously I've never heard Addy use it 'cause the last I remember she was only four. But that's the sound of a teenage girl buttering up her parent right before she asks them for something. It's a universal sound that I know very well. I never had to use it, but some of the girl's I'd fool around with had to. "So, did you think about what I asked last night?" Couldn't tell ya. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, but I honestly don't know. I give her a little look and she keeps talking. "You know, about going to Colin's party tonight." Colin, who the fuck is Colin? Please tell me my daughter isn't dating a guy named Colin, because if she is I just might lose it.

"Tell me again, what type of party is this?" Ten bucks says it's a high school kegger. I might be wrong but that's a very slim chance. Like I said I know teenage girls and if she's trying to better me up this much with that little kiss on the cheek and that really sweet tone then she really wants to go to this party. And if she really wants to go to this party that means there's going to be some illegal stuff going on or it wouldn't be a big deal.

"Just some of us from school are going to be hanging out at Colin's house tonight. His parents are going to be there and I'll be home by midnight. Please, Mama, pretty please can I go?" She starts pouting and I really want to say yes because she looks so sad. I have a feeling that she uses that pout to get her way a lot, and by the way she's asking me and not Buffy I guess I let her have her way a lot. That may be true but there's no way in hell I'm about to let my daughter go to some party and get completely trashed.

"Well, that sounds more like a high school kegger to me." Her face falls a little and her eyes get a little big. Yeah, 'cause it's such a shock that I know what's really going to be going on at that house tonight. Please I used to be the number one party girl. I guess we never got around to filling our kids in on our history. But that's ok. Does any parent ever tell their children what they were really like in high school? I highly doubt it. "And how old are you again?" I try to sound as casual about that as possible. As if I'm asking just to prove a point. But I really want to know. I need to know how old my kids are. I need to know how much I missed out on.

"Fifteen," she says with a suspicious tone. Holy shit, she's only fifteen? And what makes her think she can wear that shirt? And how the hell does a fifteen year old girl have breasts that big? Well, am her mother so I guess that makes sense. But still, why would I let her wear that shirt? I wonder what other clothes she has back in that closet of hers. I'll have to check it out today and throw out all the ones I think are too promiscuous for a fifteen-yearold girl. Ok, I need to calm down. I sorta promised myself a long time ago that I wasn't going to become this type of mom. But fuck that, she's only fifteen.

"No, you can't go to Colin's party. There's no way in hell I'm going to let my daughter get drunk and felt up by a bunch of drunk guys." The look on her face is complete shock. Wow, I guess I really do give her what she wants all the time or she wouldn't' be looking at me like that. Then I look down at her shirt and my eyebrows furrow a little bit. "And go change your shirt. You're only fifteen for God's sake." She just sits there, staring at me like I grew a second head or something. Ok, that's getting very irritating. "I mean it, don't just stare at me. Get your ass up and go change into something a little less slutty." She gets up with this total 'I hate the world' attitude and I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. She stomps off towards the living room.

"You never let me do anything fun! I hate you!" she yells at the top of her lungs. Yep, it's official, my daughter is a stereotypical teenager. And here I thought she'd be more like me. Except for the sleeping around, and getting hammered, and dropping out of school. Ok, so maybe it's better that she's like this. I would rather have her be a total stereotype, right out of a bad Lifetime made for TV movie then have her be like me when I was her age. Anyway, I know what will really pissed her off.

"Well, that's too bad sweetie, 'cause I love you!" I yell out and I hear her scream from the living room. That was actually kind of fun. Maybe this whole 'being a mom of a teenage daughter' won't be so bad. Wait, what the fuck am I saying? Of course it's going to be bad. Teenager girls are the most unstable creatures on the planet. Like what just happened. One second she's all cheerful and bubbly, and the next she's stomping off and yelling that she hates me. That's a perfect explain that things are going to be hell.

"Well that's a first," I hear Buffy say and she puts the platter of bacon down in front of Joey. Hey, don't I get any? She's sits down next to Joey and I find that a little weird. We always sit next to each other at the table even if she's mad at me. It's just what we do. Ok, what the hell is going on? She must be really pissed off at me for something and I want to know what. And I still want to know how the fuck I got here. I'm going to have to get her alone to question her though. I don't want to freak the kids out. I give her a questioning look and she rolls her eyes. "You never say no to her. It's just a little odd. Are you feeling ok?" What's with that tone of voice? "I guess it doesn't matter. It's time to wake up." What? Why did she say that? She looks me dead in the eye and she look wicked serious. "Faith, it's time to wake up."

"Faith wake up," I hear someone say, but the voice is distant. Wait, what happened to Buffy, and the kitchen and my teenage kids? "Faith, wake up." I slowly open my eyes and blink a couple of times. The room is darker then the one I was just in. It takes my eyes a few seconds to adjust. Where the fuck am I? I take a look around, and it takes me a minute or two but I finally realize that I'm in the hospital, still sitting in my dad's lap, holding the baby. Only his arms are supporting mine since I dozed off. I hope I didn't hurt her. "Dolly-face, it's time to wake up." I wonder how long I was out. "Come on dolly-face, Grace needs to eat now." So that's what that really annoying sound is?

"Ok Daddy," I whisper but I don't move. I'm still really tired. Wait…did I just call him 'daddy'? I haven't called him that since I was a kid. I slowly stand up and he helps me. I guess he's afraid I'm going to drop the baby. Completely understandable since I am feeling a little wobbly. I hand him my baby sister, and he walks over to the bed. So I guess Brittany is going to be breastfeeding. Well, I guess I better go since I really don't want to stick around for the show. Ok, I know that I have breastfed, and Buffy has breastfed, but that doesn't mean I want to watch somebody else breastfeed if I don't have to.

"Well I'm gonna leave you guys alone," I say and my dad smiles at me. I guess he knows I'm a little uncomfortable standing here. "I'll try to stop by tomorrow though. I have Joey all day so I don't know when." I give my dad a hug and he gives me a kiss on the cheek. I smile a little because his five o' clock shadow tickled my skin. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm acting like a total girl right now, but I can't help it. My dad makes me feel like a little kid again. I guess it's just a cast of 'daddy's girl' syndrome. I am a total daddy's girl, and I always have been. Even if it wasn't with my real dad, but we'll just not think about that right now 'cause it's depressing.

Anyway, I leave and walk back down the long hall, and out the big swinging doors. Buffy said she was going to the cafeteria, but she feels close by. The cafeteria is downstairs so there's no way the little tingles I get on my spine would be this strong. So I do the whole blood hound thing and follow the feeling until I see her. She's standing in front of the nursery looking at all of the babies, and she has this little smile on her face like she's thinking about the kids when they were babies. Aw, the ol' days before they talked. It's not that I don't like that my kids are growing up, but talking leads to back talking, and back talking can be very frustrating when you're in a hurry to get someone and someone won't put on their pants because they don't like the color. Oh yeah, Addy has all the symptoms of a spoiled teenager and she's only four.

"Hey B," I say as I walk towards her. She whips her head in my direction and she smiles. I guess I scared her a little. "I thought you said you were gonna get something to eat?" She shrugs her shoulders a little bit and looks back into the window. I still don't really understand why they have the babies out on display. Sure babies are cute, but they're still people. How would you like to be put out on display like an exhibit at the zoo? Anyway, I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her waist and rest my chin on her shoulder, just like I did that time we stood out in front of the display and watched Mattie. He was so small, and the most beautiful thing in the world. "They named her Grace." I can tell she's smiling and I roll my eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me." It's creepy how we don't even have to look at each other to know what we're going to do. "Grace is a pretty name. Besides, they could have named her Hope, or Charity." That's true. I smile a little bit and give B a kiss on her pulse point. She holds her breath for a few seconds and it makes my smile get a little bigger. I start to lightly suck on the same spot and she inhales a deep breath. "Trying to get me worked up again?" Maybe. I was a little cheated out of our fun tonight. B hasn't ridden me like that since our anniversary. I gently scrape my teeth against her warm skin and she moans a little. "Take me home." My pleasure.

BPOV

"Brittany, she is so beautiful." Yeah, I know I'm supposed to be shopping with Kim today, but I decided that the birth of my sister in law is a good reason to postpone the trip. Matthew is at school, Addison is at daycare and Willow is watching Joseph for me. I now owe her an all expense paid shopping trip at the mall for doing me that favor. Apparently things didn't go so smooth last night. According to Willow my little bundle of joy woke up twelve times last night and called out for me. It took both Willow and Sky over half an hour each time to calm him down, and send him back to the land of the unconscious.

"Thank you," Brittany says, and gives her baby girl a little kiss on the top of her head. I smile a little bit, but it's a bittersweet smile. I am happy for Brittany, but at the same time I miss that feeling of holding your newly born little baby, and kissing them, and snuggling with them, and feeding them, and watching all the different expressions cross their little face at all the different sounds and feelings. I look over at Faith, she's sitting in one of the chairs that are against the wall. She had her dad are looking through some motorcycle magazine.

"Don't even think about it Buffy," she says casually and she doesn't even look up from that stupid magazine. I know, I know, I shouldn't be longing for another baby because we have three kids already and the youngest is only a hear and a half. I'll wait until Joseph is two before I start asking for another. I don't know why but I've always wanted four kids. I know that we'll have to move into a bigger house if we do decide to have another. Things are cramped enough as it is. "I'm gonna go get some coffee. Anyone want anything?" We all decline her offer and she sends a little smile my way before she leaves the room. I wonder what that was all about.

"Do you want to hold her?" Brittany asks, which is a little bit of a surprise. She's been very...protective of her little girl. The only people she's let hold the baby are Chris, and the nurse who brought Grace in here. She wouldn't let Faith hold her, which is a little weird. I know the two aren't exactly close, but that's Faith's baby sister, you'd think Brittany would be willing to compromise her personal feelings of resentment for a few minutes to let Faith hold her sister. The two of them have been...chilly towards her each other at best. They both want Chris' constant attention, and even if they don't realize it they're pulling both me and Chris into the middle. It sucks so much, but it's not like I can do anything about it.

"Yes, I'd like that." I lean forward a little and she carefully hands me the little girl in her arms. What is it about holding a newborn that fills a person with such fuzzy feelings? There should be scientific research done on this. Anyway, I cradle Grace close to my body because newborns need to feel secure. She starts squirming around a little, and making this little whining noise. She is so damn cute. "Hey there little girl." I smile and laugh a little as she frowns very heavy while she tries to get comfortable. "Aw, don't frown at me. It's not nice at all." I give her a little kiss on the forehead and she frowns even more. And that look really is genetic, who knew?

Addison used to frown a lot when she was a baby, so many it is genetic. I'll have to ask Chris if Faith was the same way. I would ask him now but Faith is back and she doesn't like it when I ask questions about her childhood because her dad will always remember some embarrassing story and he's not afraid to tell anybody those stories. And poor Faith, her ears turn so red when she gets embarrassed. Embarrassing Faith isn't an easy thing to do, but her dad does it so well. I usually instigate the entire thing, and she gets really butt hurt about it, and she's told a couple embarrassing stories about me. They weren't from my childhood, but they were still embarrassing. It didn't bug me as much as she thought it would. I was expecting her to eventually lash out and do something like that.

"Faith, wanna hold her?" I ask and give her a little smile. I know I shouldn't have done that, but Brittany wasn't going to ask her anytime soon and it isn't fair that everyone but Faith gets to hold the baby. I'm not even blood related and Brittany let me hold her. I chance a sideways glace over at Brittany and she doesn't look mad or anything. Oh, so this was a pride thing, huh? She doesn't care if Faith holds the baby she just wasn't going to give in and ask if Faith wants to hold her. These two need to get over themselves because this rivalry is getting very irritating. Anyway, Faith nods her head and holds her arms out. She is so lazy, I swear if I wasn't around to take care of her she'd be so lost. I get up and carefully hand her the baby. Faith gets a soft smile on her face as she looks into the little blue eyes staring up at her.

"Yep," Chris says with a little nod of his head. "She looks just like you when you were a baby." So that's what Faith looked like when she was a baby? I wonder if Chris has any pictures of Faith when she was little? I've never asked, but I'm sure he has some. Yeah he went to prison all those years ago, but her mom's stuff wasn't all thrown out when she died. Most of the personal items were saved for a family member to claim. I remember because Chris was telling us about it, and he asked if Faith wanted any of it and she got really upset. So he probably has pictures, he's just afraid to show her.

"Knock, knock," someone says at the door. I turn around and see four women standing there with big smiles on their faces. They look about Brittany's age. These must be the people she usually goes away with for Christmas. I remember her talking about them a little. "I hope you're not too tired for more visitors." The leader of the group is tall, blonde and hot. I glance over at Faith and she's checking her out. I want to glare at her but I don't really have the right since I was just checking her out too. Brittany waves them in and they rush to her side and gives her hugs and kiss her on her cheeks and her forehead.

"We would have been here sooner but my car broke down. I think it's about time I start looking for a new one," one of the other girls says with a little smile on her face. "So, where's that little baby girl of yours? We're just dieing to see her." I look over at Faith and I can tell she's a little disgruntled that she got cheated out of her turn to hold the baby. But she doesn't make a big deal out of it because that would be rude. She gets up and carefully hands Brittany the baby and all of her friends fawn over little Grace. Is it weird that all four of the girls are blonde? It's like they're a pack or something. I've never wanted to let my hair to go back to its natural color more then right now.

"I should probably make the introductions," Brittany says and sits up in the bed a little more. I was wondering when those were going to be made. "This is Chris' daughter, Faith, and her wife Buffy." The girls smile and say hi to us. "This is Shannon." That's the 'leader' of the group. "Renée." That's the one who's car broke down. "Heidi, and Jessica." Those two have said anything yet. They're both very attractive though. Heidi's hair is long, all the way down to her hips, and it's a very light blonde. Jessica is a little shorter then the others, and her hair is shoulder length and more of a dishwater blonde. I still think it's so weird that they're all blonde.

Anyway, I get off of the bed now that they're here. I don't want to get in the way or anything. And since there isn't another chair in here I just sit down in Faith's lap. None of them looked grossed out or anything when Brittany introduced us as wives, so this should be ok. And if it's not we were here first. I'm not going to let them bug me. This little gathering supposed to be about Brittany and the baby, not arguing because me and Faith want to be a little affectionate in public. Besides they're too busy fawning over Brittany and Grace to notice us. Which is a good thing. That's why we're all here. I do have to admit that watching from the sidelines is a little boring. No wonder Faith and Chris were looking at that magazine.

I can't get over how cute Grace is, or the fact that that's what Faith looked like when she was a baby. All of this baby stuff is making me want another one. Maybe I can talk Faith into it when we get home. Wouldn't it be really cool if we had another girl. Another little baby girl to dress in cute little pink dresses, and little pink shoes. There would be so much pink. Way more pink then with Addison. I don't know why I just have a feeling that if we had another girl there would be pink baby stuff everywhere. That's kind of the whole point of having a girl, so you can dress them up like dolls or something. I know that sounds kind of mean, but it's the truth. Then again, I think I'll wait a couple years. I think I'd rather have Joseph potty trained before we have another baby. Sounds like a plan to me. Hopefully Faith will agree.


	65. Mommy's Little Boy

**Two Years Later.** BPOV

"Are you sure it's a good idea?" I ask and take a look around. Faith and I are patrolling the mean streets of Lincoln Nevada. Yes that was sarcasm. "I know it's a school for slayers and Matthew is a slayer but I don't think it's a good idea." Matthew just had his thirteenth birthday yesterday and when a slayer turns thirteen she comes into her powers, and she starts going to slayer central. But I don't think it's a good idea for Matthew. "We're talking about sending a teenage boy to an all girls school. I don't think I can even list all of things that can go wrong." It's true. Not only could my son get up to what teenage boys and girls usually get up to, but the parents of the teenage girls will probably pull their girls out of the school. What I said actually makes Faith stop walking.

"I didn't even think of that," she says with a little frown on her face. "I keep forgetting that he likes girls now. And he has a girlfriend. Now that's fuckin weird." She's right it is a little weird. Apparently he and his girlfriend Ashley have been dating for two weeks. We didn't meet her until yesterday when she came to his birthday party. She seems nice, but that's my baby boy she's messing with. And she's a year older then him. Little hussy needs to find a guy her age. "Would you stop?" What was I doing? "Don't give me that innocent look. You were thinking about Ashley again. Whenever you think of her you get the same look on your face when you're about to kill a demon. She's fourteen, B, not a vamp."

She might as well be. Faith didn't see what I saw yesterday. See, Ashley stuck around after all of Matthew's friends went home. They stayed out in the backyard after I told them they couldn't go in his bedroom by themselves. So where did my little boy and that harlot go? The tree house. I stuck my head in the doorway to tell Ashley her mom was on the phone and I saw them making out. Ok, so they weren't making out, just lightly pecking, but that's bad enough! I didn't get mad, I just said that her mom was on the phone and it was time for them to go in the house. I was freaking out inside though. When I told Faith about it I expected her to get all upset with me but she didn't. She was proud that 'her boy got his first kiss'.

"Babe, he's just growing up. How old were you when you got your first kiss?" I was fourteen. Ok, so she has a point, but that doesn't matter. This is my little boy we're talking about. I don't want anyone else to love him but me, well and Faith, but mostly me. She holds onto my hand and we start walking again. We just starting patrolling like ten minutes ago and we haven't had any action yet. "In three years he'll probably lose his virginity even if we don't want him to. It's just what teenagers do, B." She's doing nothing but adding fuel to the fire. All of this is making me want to put Matthew on home school so none of the tramps at his school can corrupt him. Then I get an idea that will make Faith less cool about this whole growing up thing. This should be good.

"Yeah, he probably will," I agree in a sort of distant voice, and nod my head a little bit. She gives me a sideways glace because she knows something's up. "And when Addison is fourteen and she gets her first kiss we can be happy because she's just growing up." I can practically feel Faith tense up and she holds her breath for a few seconds. I glance at her and I can tell she's trying not to lose her cool. "And when she's sixteen and has sex for the first time we can be proud because she's just getting older, and that's what teenagers do." That makes her stop walking and she looks pretty pissed.

"Ok that's completely different and you know it." To an extent it is different. Parents are more protective of their daughter's virginity then their son's. The thought of anyone touching my baby girl gets my blood boiling, but not so much for Matthew. I mean, I don't want him having sex because he could get the girl pregnant and a teen pregnancy is the last thing any parent wants. But I'm not as fierce about it as I am with Addison. There's just something special about a girl. I have no idea what it is, but it's there. "The first boy to kiss her is getting his lips ripped off, and the first boy she sleeps with is getting put in the ground. And yes, even if she's married first." Damn, how did she know I was going to ask that? "Lets change the subject, alright?"

"Alright, jeez, you don't have to be such a grump about it." She doesn't say anything and I think it's kind of cute how she's practically pouting. "I was just trying to prove a point. I'm going to be just as worried as you when Addison turns into a teenager, maybe even worst then you." She lets out a little snort, and I roll my eyes. Faith is already very protective of Addison when it comes to boys. Like for her sixth birthday party she wanted to invite some of the boys from her class but Faith told her no because she isn't old enough for co-ed parties. Faith didn't even want to invite Brad over and he's Addison's best friend. They play together every day. Sometimes Faith can take it too far, and that's where I come in. I am the voice of reasoning when it comes to Faith and Addison.

Those two fight a lot, and now that Addison is older and her vocabulary is bigger the fights last longer. It sucks coming home from work to my wife and daughter arguing over the dumbest stuff. Like tonight when I got home they were fighting because Addison wanted to color on Ruby with her washable, nontoxic markers. Faith had told her no but my baby girl doesn't take no for an answer. She was bringing up some pretty good points too, which was the sad part. Faith was arguing with a six-year-old and losing. When she wouldn't stop fighting Faith put her in time out and that was the end of that, but she needs to start doing it sooner before the back talking escalates into full blown arguments.

Matthew is way more stubborn then he used to be, but that's just normal teenage hormones stuff. We don't argue with him often but when we do the fights can get pretty bad. Most of the time he ends up storming out of the house, slamming the front door, and he hangs out with Lucas. Typical teenage drama. The fights used to be about his curfew. He has to be home for dinner unless he gets permission to eat at someone else's house, and after dinner he can stay out until eight and then he has to be home. The fights aren't about that anymore. They're about that girl he's dating. Ok, well they're about raising his allowance so he can take her out on a date to the movies and not have her pay for anything because when the girl pays too then it's not really a date.

At least that's what he told me, and he's right, but still I'm not going to raise his allowance. He can save it for a while and then take her out. He gets paid ten dollars a week if he does all his chores, and I am willing to admit that going to the movies is expensive. Tickets for kids are five dollars a piece, a large popcorn is four twenty-five, and a medium soda is three seventy-five. So if they share a popcorn and each get a soda that's… twenty-one dollars and seventy-five cents. And that's only if they want a popcorn and sodas. What if they want candy and popcorn and sodas? The candy is pretty expensive too. And he already spent the money he was saving on a video game. He bought the game before he started seeing Ashley so now he doesn't have enough.

It's not that I don't want him to go out on a date with his girlfriend. I'm not that mean. But I'm trying to teach him responsibility and all that stuff, and I can't do that if I give him whatever he wants whenever he asks for it. All he has to do is save his allowance for three weeks and he can take her out. Then again three weeks is a long time for an eighth grader, they could be broken up by then. I guess it couldn't hurt if I raise his allowance a little. My mom raised my allowance when I talked to her about it and explained why I needed more money. I guess I'll have to sit down and have a talk with Matthew about proper communication, and then we'll see about the raise, but I'm still not sure.

It's not like money is tight or anything. See, Faith and I both graduated from the business class in May so we both have our degrees. She started up her business with her dad but so far the profits have been almost nonexistent. They make enough to keep the shop open but that's about it. It's not really a problem though because apparently my somewhat stupid idea of running a self defense class is totally paying off. I'm making four thousand dollars a month. I'm pretty much supporting us right now, so all of my money is going towards the bills, the groceries, and the mortgage. That's right, we bought another house, and we didn't need Giles to do it either. The move was very soon, we finished unpacking just two weeks ago.

Here's how it all worked out: I graduated at the end of May, I'm using part of the warehouse we use to train the slayers as my class so I didn't have to wait around and buy a different space. We found a house that we absolutely loved, and sold our house pretty much right away. We put most of our stuff in storage and moved in with Dawn since her house is huge. We used the money we got from our old house as the down payment for the new one, and after a month the escrow ended and we moved in. We love the house. It's has two stories, five bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a huge backyard. The only reason it doesn't cost a lot more then it does is because it was a foreclosed home, and those are way cheaper.

Paying the bills is always kind of stressful but after everything is paid I have about two hundred left over. We're putting that money in the bank and it's going to be for emergencies only. I honestly have no idea how much we're going to be making once Faith's business gets off the ground. It's not like they're selling anything on a regular basis. They only make money when a customer comes in and wants their motorcycle customized. And so far it's only been little stuff. Like I said they only make enough to keep the shop open. If Chris wasn't getting paid by Giles for keeping track of the kids' progress as slayers then he wouldn't be able to afford anything. Brittany's teaching job can't support all three of them.

"Hey Buffy," Faith says but then she doesn't say anything else. I ask her what but she still doesn't say anything. I look over at her and as soon as my head is turned she kisses me. Oh, so that's what she wanted. We stop walking, and I wrap my arms around her neck. She pulls back after a few seconds and she has a big smile on her face. "What do you say we skip patrol, and head over to Grind, and show those college punks how it's really done?" Grind is this hot new dance club that's only a ten minute drive outside of Lincoln. I nod my head and kiss her again. This time our tongues come out to play one of their favorite games.

"We better hurry," I tell her between kisses. "Closing is at one." She lightly sucks on the tip of my tongue and it makes me moan. I love it when she does that. But now that she's brought up the idea of going out and having fun I want to go out and have fun, not just make out on the sidewalk of Spaniel Court. So I pull back and we're both panting pretty hard. "Come on, I wanna find out if I'm still as good as I was in my twenties." Two more years have passed which means I'm two years older. Thirty-seven to be exact, which is almost forty. But I am not going through a mid-life crisis. I just want to find out if we can still draw a crowd like we used to. Anyway, we kiss each other one last time before we race back to the car. Tonight is going to be so much fun!

FPOV

Even after all these years, kissing Buffy turns me on so fuckin much. We left Grind about half an hour ago. We didn't party as hard as we used to, we did have to drive home afterwards. But we had a couple drinks, and danced our asses off. And yes we drew a very large crowd. I pretty much had to beat the boys back with a stick. But now we're parked in our driveway, making out like a couple of teenagers. The only sounds in the car is the heavy smacking from our mouths, and heavy breathing going on through our noses. God, I'm so worked up. I haven't gotten a good slay in a long time, and grinding up against Buffy for three hours only made my horniness worst. But that's perfectly ok with me because from the way things are going right now it's pretty safe to say that I am totally getting laid.

"Whatta say we take this inside?" I ask and rest my forehead on hers. She tries to kiss me again but I pull out of her reach. She groans a little bit and bites her bottom lip. Damn, she is so fuckin sexy. "Come on, this kids are sleep. We can christen the couch." We just bought a new couch a couple days ago, and we haven't been able to fool around on it yet because when you live in a house with three kids you don't get a lot of privacy. But it's almost two in the morning, if we're quiet I'm sure we can get away with it. She smiles a little bit, and gives me a little peck on the lips. Or maybe she doesn't want to take this further.

"I think our big, empty bed would be way more comfortable then the couch." She does have a point. I kiss her again, and suck on her oh so tasty bottom lip. Mmm, she's wearing the cherry flavored lip gloss. I already knew that because I've been makin out with her for the last half hour, but you didn't know that, and now you do. I take it between my teeth and give it a little tug. She giggles, and gently pushes on my shoulder. I take the hint and sit back in the seat. She gives me a little kiss on my cheek, and then reaches over and pulls the keys out of the ignition. "Are you coming or not?" She opens her door and puts her feet on the ground, but she doesn't get out. I guess she's waiting for me.

"Oh, I'll be coming alright. You can count on that." She rolls her eyes, and we both get out of the car. I wrap my arms around her front behind and gently rub her stomach while she tries to find the right key. What? I have a lot of keys. I'm starting to think I sleep walked one night and mugged a janitor because I don't even know what half of those keys go to. "Hurry up, B. I can't wait to get you sprawled out on the bed. The things I'm gonna do to you…let's just say you'll definitely be satisfied." I can tell she just rolled her eyes but I'm not going to draw attention to it. No need to ruin the moment with a pointless argument. I hear the deadbolt being unlocked and I smile. The only lock we have is the deadbolt.

"Actually," B says and turn around in my arms. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls my head closer to her so our lips are almost touching. "You're going to be the one sprawled out on the bed, shaking, and moaning, and calling out my name. I'm gonna ride you so hard neither of us will walk right tomorrow." Well, she does paint a really good image. Too good for me to even try to pass up. I close the distance between our lips, and press her up against the door. I grind my pelvis against hers, and she starts moaning. She's always loved it when I do this. I don't know why, but Buffy has a thing for being fucked against a door or wall.

I feel one of her arms slip down from my neck, and I can only assume she's reaching behind herself to open the door because she isn't touching me with that. I pull back from the kiss and stop moving against her. If I'm pressed against her like that when she opens the door then we'll fall through it. We've done it before and yes the sound of our falling bodies did wake the kids up. I'd really like to not repeat that experience. We calmly walk in the house even though ever fiber of my being is screaming out to me to throw her down on the floor and fuck her hard. She shuts and relocks the door, and as soon as she turns around to face me I wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her.

She kisses me back but her arms don't wrap around me like I thought they would. I hear my keys drop onto the end table, and I start slowly leading us backwards towards the stairs. Right, we bought a new house not so long ago, boring story so I won't tell you but we now have the difficult task of walking up a flight of stairs without waking anybody up. She pulls back from the kiss and I start sucking on her neck. She moans, and starts to slowly grind against me. Maybe I should just lead her over to the couch. She's probably worked up enough to not care. Then again maybe not since she's trying to push me off her. I pull back from her neck, and try to kiss her lips. But she has a firm hold on my shoulders and she won't let me get close enough.

"Down girl," she whispers with a little giggle. She holds onto my hand and we very quietly head upstairs. I hate that we have to sneak into our own house, but I have to admit the danger of getting caught is only making this a little more exciting. As soon as we're in our bedroom and she closes the door, I pick her up and start kissing her neck. She laughs a little and wraps her legs around my waist. I practically run over to the bed which only makes her laugh more. She needs to quiet down before she wakes one of the kids up. "What has gotten into you?" The desire to fuck her senseless. I put her down on the bed and she looks up at me. I can see the fire burning in her eyes and only makes my pussy even wetter. "God, you smell so good." She presses her face against my crotch and inhales deeply.

I moan, and have to force my hips not to buck forward. I gently push her back by her shoulders until she's laying down on the bed. I lay down next to her, and prop myself up on my elbow so I'm looking down at her. She looks so fuckin beautiful. She has no idea what she does to me. I lean down and kiss her. My hair falls around us like a veil, blocking us from the rest of the world. I know how sappy that sounds, but that's what she does to me, she turns me to mush. I've admitted it before, but might as well say it again. I am pussy whipped by Buffy Summers. There I said it, and I'm fine with it. You may think I'm a sell out for giving up my old ways, but I think you're just jealous because I'm about to fuck her and you're not.

Anyway, I reach down and grab onto the hem of her shirt. I slowly pull it up, and she arches her back to help me. I don't take it off all the way. I pull it up above her lace covered breasts and then leave it alone. I use my teeth to unclasp her bra since it's the front clasp kind. Thank God for those. I slowly move the cups of the bra out of the way, and she lightly moans at the feeling of the material moving against her hard nipples. I scoot down the bed a little bit until I'm eyelevel with her breasts. They may not be very big but they're perfect, and I love the little noises she makes when I tease them. I gently blow warm air across her left nipple, and it hardens even more. She moans, and puts a hand on the back of my head.

I lightly lick the tip of her nipple and she shivers under me. Now who did she say was going to be the one sprawled out on the bed, shaking, and moaning and calling out a name? Because from the looks of it, it definitely isn't me. Anyway, I wrap my lips around her hard nub and start to gently suck. She lets out a moan, and she's lightly scratching at the back of my neck. I reach over and start to tease her other nipple. I roll it between my fingers and feel it harden even more then it already was. B starts moaning louder, and she arches her back, pushing her breasts firmly against me. I gently scrape my teeth against her nipple and then kiss the space in between her breasts as I work my way over to the other one.

"Mommy, what're you doing?" FUCK! That scared me. I look up at Joey is standing at the side of his bed, holding his blanket and staring at us. In one motion Buffy pushes me off her and pulls her shirt down. I'm instantly pissed off because I'm really worked up and now I probably won't get any release. Well, it's not just the release I'm worried about because if that was the case I could just go into the bathroom and get myself off. No, I want Buffy, and now I'm probably not going to get her.

"Nothing, Joseph," she says, and she sounds a little breathless. I can't help but smile a little bit at that. "You need to go back to bed, right now." This kid comes into our room almost every night wanting to snuggle up next to his mommy, and almost every night she lets him. It's been this way since he was a baby and it's about time someone puts an end to it. He's almost three and a half years old, he can sleep in his own damn bed.

"Mommy no. I wanna sleep with you." And this is how he gets away with it. All he has to do is pout and sound like he's gonna cry and B will give in pretty fast. We decided not to have anymore kids because her getting pregnant again is too big of a risk, and I'm getting older so the risks are also higher then normal. Besides we have three kids, two boys who can pass on my family name, a girl who is just as stubborn as her mother, aunt, and grandmother. So we're pretty much set in having our families genes carried on to another generation. Anyway, it seems like ever since we made the decision B's been spoiling Joey rotten. I get it, I do, but it needs to stop or he's going to grow up to be the kind of kid that I used to be beat up on in school.

"Go back to your own bed, Joey," I tell him and sit up a little more. His expression hardens a little bit, and the fake tears go away. And here comes the temper tantrum. He starts whining, and stomping his feet, and saying 'I want Mommy' over and over again. Well, I want her too and tonight I'm getting what I want. "You have 'til the count of three before I put you back." Just saying that sometimes works. "One." My voice is stern, but he's not budging. I hate that my kids don't listen. Where did we go wrong in our parenting? "Two." The tantrum has calmed down a little bit, but he won't leave. "Three." He stomps his feet a few more times and looks me dead in the eye while he says he wants his mommy.

"That's it," oh yes there is anger in my voice. I get off the bed and he turns around and walks toward the door, but he stops halfway and looks back. "Get your ass back to your room, now." He starts walking again and I'm right behind him. You have no idea how much this fuckin sucks. Even if I can get him to stay in his bed the moment is completely ruined and Buffy isn't going to want to do anything now. Just maybe, if I'm lucky, we can build up another mood. He stops in the middle of the hallway, and he just stands there. I nudge at him with my knee, but he doesn't budge. Ok, if he wants to do this the hard way that's fine with me. I reach down and grab onto his arm right at the elbow and start walking towards his room.

"I want Mommy," he whines and garbs onto my fingers with his other hand and tries to pry them off of him. "Mama stop." He starts cryin a little bit and tries to stop walking again, but I keep pulling him forward. I'm not hurting him, I'd never hurt any of my children intentionally or out of anger. It's just that I'm doing something he doesn't want and he's doing anything he can think of to get me to stop. I drag him into his bedroom, and pick him and lay him down on his bed. I've calmed myself down a lot because I really don't want to be the kind of parent that uses fear as a way to control their kids. Anyway, I cover him up and gently wipe the tears off his cheeks. "I want Mommy." His whiney tone and big crocodile tears are pulling at my heart's strings, but I have to ignore that.

"Joey, you need to stay in your bed. You're a big boy now, remember?" He nods his head, and coughs a little bit. "Now don't get up again or you're gonna be in a lot of trouble." He nods again, but I know to take that with a grain of salt. I give him a kiss on the forehead, and close his door as I leave. When I walk back into my bedroom B is already under the covers. Five bucks says she's in her pajamas and doesn't want to fool around anymore. I change into one of my baggy t-shirts and crawl under the covers. I wrap my arm around her waist and lay really close to her. "G'night, B. Love you." I give the shell of her ear a little kiss and she says it back. See, told you she wouldn't be in the mood anymore. God, sometimes parenthood sucks.

BPOV

I hear my stupid alarm clock going off and I groan. I don't want to get up yet. I just want to sleep. My head hurts from last night. How much did I have to drink? I remember Faith saying that she'd drive home that way I could have a few more. When am I going to learn to stay away from tequila? I reach over and turn the alarm off since it's Sunday and I don't have to go to work today. Then I roll over and try to get comfortable again. But that's kind of hard when you have a little knee jabbing you in the stomach. I slowly open my eyes and try not to wince as the morning light sends shooting pain from my eyes to my head. I pull the covers up a little so I can look under them. I see Joseph, curled up on his side, clutching his blanket tightly, and he's still asleep.

Last night after Faith put him back in his bed, I just couldn't get back in the mood. Having your three-three-old son catching you fooling around is a sure way to have your libido shut off. But it didn't end there. He came back in here seven more times. Faith would either get up and take him back to his room, or tell him to go back and he'd listen, but then five minutes later he'd be back in here. I finally got tired of listening to his whining, and her getting angry, so I gave in and let him crawl into bed next to me. She was pissed and slept all the way at the edge of the bed. We bought a king size bed when we moved into this house, so she had plenty of room for herself. But then again, that isn't the point. She doesn't want Joseph sleeping in our bed every night, and I get it, but I feel bad. He's my little baby and he needs me.

Mmmmm, I smell bacon. I am so hungry. Lets just hope I can keep this down or that will be very bad. I carefully get out of bed and tiptoe out of my room. Both Faith and Joseph sleep like the dead so my alarm clock didn't wake them up. I keep forgetting to turn it off on the weekends. I'm not worried about waking Faith up because she sleeps right through it, but I'd like to sleep in on the weekends just like everyone else. Well, Joseph and Addison don't sleep in, at least not by much. Addison usually wakes up around the same time I wake her up for school, and then she goes down to the living room and watches cartoons like every little kid does. If Joseph isn't sleeping in our bed then he'll come in and wake me up. Matthew usually gets up around nine thirty or ten.

Anyway, I go downstairs and into the kitchen. Addison is already at the table and waiting a little impatiently for her breakfast. We don't let the kids eat in the living room so on Saturday and Sunday she wants to get breakfast done and over with so she can go back to watching cartoons. I'll let her watch cartoons until around nine o' clock and then make her turn the TV off. I have nothing against a little kid watching Looney Tunes, but I don't want that to be the only thing that my kids do. She'll whine a little bit, but she doesn't put up too much of a fight. Once I remind her that she can go outside and play now that I'm awake she'll run up to her room and get dressed. Except this morning she's already dressed. That's a little odd.

The first thing I do is go over the coffee pot and pour me a cup. Two mugs are already out which is convenient. I add the right amount of sugar and cream and then mix it up with a spoon. I take a little sip and close my eyes. The lights in here are too bright. Why did I want a kitchen with a lot of windows? I guess it doesn't matter. This hangover isn't that bad, I'm just not used to getting them anymore, and it'll be gone in an hour or two. I'll just have to suffer through it until then. I take another sip and sit down at the table. Addison is busy talking with Emma which is good because I really don't see myself being friendly right now. My head hurts too bad to fake happiness when I just want to be in bed.

"That must've been some patrol last night," Emma says, and I can tell by her voice that she's messing with me. I give her a strange look and she gives me a little wink. Then her eyes drop down to my right hand for a few seconds, and then she looks into my eyes again and gives me another little wink. "Did you guys chase a vampire into Grind, or was that recreational?" I put my mug down, and then look at the back of my hand. I smile a little bit when I see the stamp that the bouncer put on me. I guess Emma's been to the club before if she knows what their stamp looks like. She goes back to fixing breakfast and I groan a little bit.

"There was one vampire there, but he came in about an hour after we showed up. I hope you don't mind watching them while we go out. I told you we were going to patrol and then come home, but there hasn't been a whole lot of activity lately." Emma chuckles a little bit and tells me not to worry about it. She's been staying with us for the last couple of summers. Her parents got a divorce and her mom used the money she won in the settlement to move to Florida, and Emma can't afford to fly out there every summer, and she can't stand her step mom so she doesn't want to stay at her dad's. I have to say that I can't blame her. I wouldn't want to stay at my dad's place if he married the woman he had an affair with.

She has a full scholarship at Stanford University so the only time she needs a place to stay is during the summer. It works out perfect because she gets a bedroom to herself, she doesn't have to pay for anything, and we have a free babysitter who already knows that we're slayers. The kids love spending time with her, and so do Faith and I. Even though she's only twenty-one she's pretty cool to hang out with. We've become like surrogate mothers to her or something. At first I wasn't really comfortable with it because I felt like she was trying to replace her mother or something, but then I realized that she just needs someone there to listen, and to give her some advise when she feels lost.

Things between her and Matthew have gotten a little tense. Not so much tense, but weird. He's getting older and I am willing to admit that Emma is a very attractive girl, and my little boy must think so too. I've caught him trying to look down her shirt too many times to count. I haven't said anything to him about it because it's normal boy behavior and I don't want to embarrass him. When Emma finally catches him doing it I'm sure she'll say something. If she will say something to Faith when she was admiring her…assets, then I'm sure she'll say something to Mattie. It's not like she wears clothes that are very revealing. She'll have some cleavage showing, but that's just normal. She has a nice body and she wants to show it off. As long as the clothes don't get too revealy I don't have a problem with it.

The big mistake she made was wearing some tiny jean cutoffs, and a tight light blue t-shirt while she washed her car. But when I mentioned it later she admitted she was trying to get the attention of the neighbor kid. Ok, so he isn't really a kid he's twenty-two, but to me he's a boy. I'm thirty-seven, so I consider anyone under the age of twenty-five a kid. Anyway, the two are sort of dating now. They've gone out a couple of times and I've caught them making out on the couch twice, but things aren't very serious between them. At least that's what Emma told me. We hang out together a lot, and we'll go shopping and girls talk while they shop, and she feels comfortable enough with me to tell me the personal stuff.

"Do you need any help watching the boys today?" she asks and puts the food she made down on the table. Lets see, we have French toast, bacon, hash browns, and fried eggs. Then she gets the milk and orange juice containers from the fridge and puts those down in the middle of the table. Wait, what is she talking about? Oh, that's right. I told Dawn I'd watch the boys for her today because she has to work. She doesn't normally work on the weekends, but she got this big client and if Dawn has everything done by Wednesday then the person will definitely buy. Dawn won't tell me who it is because of the confidentiality clause, but according to her if she pulls this off and everything goes well then their clientele will skyrocket, and she's looking at an early retirement.

"No, I can handle it." I'm sure Addison will help me keep an eye on the boys. We don't get to see them very often because Dawn and I are always pretty busy. So whenever they do come over Addison will help me watch them, and keep them entertained. Joseph is always a bug whenever they come over. He gets really jealous when I try to play with Nick and Alex. I know it isn't fair for them, or anyone else really when Joseph starts whining and throwing a tantrum. He's going to have to learn that he has to share me. But it just seems so mean to ignore him when he wants me to play with him. One of these days he's going to get to that age when they won't want their parents hanging around. Matthew's already gone through it, and Addison has always been really independent.

"Ok. I just needed to know because Nate wants to take me out today, and I didn't want to give him an answer until I asked you first." I smile a little and take a gulp of my coffee. I tell her not to worry about it, and to go out and have fun. Nate is the guy who lives two houses down. I ask her what they have planned and she gets a dreamy smile on her face. "Well, first we're going to have lunch at PJ's, and then we're going to Bootleg. I don't know when we're going to get back, so don't wait up, ok?" I smile and nod my head and give her a very knowing look. She rolls her eyes and starts making up her plate. "It's not like that. I just don't know how many trials we're going to ride." Bootleg Canyon is a mountain bike park, but it also has some hiking trails. I've never been there, but I've heard it's really nice.

"Don't worry," I tell her and then wink. She looks like she's getting a little nervous, but she doesn't have anything to worry about. I'm not going to tease her or anything. I would but my head hurts too bad to think of anything funny. "You have a key so don't worry about coming home too late. So you and Nate plan on getting a good workout, huh?" I smile a little sly smile and she just chews her food. "Just don't forget to wear a helmet. You never know what could happen." This time I can't help but laugh a little bit. Her face turns really red, and she's trying so hard to ignore me. "Alright I'll stop teasing you." I sigh and make myself a plate. I don't feel like having a whole lot so I get two pieces of French toast, and four pieces of bacon.

"Mommy," I hear Joseph whine as he walks in the room. Great, well, there goes me enjoying my breakfast. "Mommy hold me." He tries to climb up in my lap but I make him stay down. His eyes well up with tears, and he looks so sad. "Mommy hold me." He holds his arms up and those tears start to stream down his face. But I can't give in to him anymore. Faith is right, even though I hate to admit that. It's not that I don't like Faith being right about things, but I don't like being wrong. Anyway, I do let him manipulate me, and it needs to stop. So I guess it's time I start putting my foot down. I can do this. If I can go out and risk my life every night fighting demons, and vampires then I can win a battle of wills against a three-year-old.

"No Joseph," I tell him and he starts whining. "Don't start whining." I tone is stern, but not harsh. I don't want to be the kind of parent who uses fear to get their kids to listen. I won't spank them and I won't talk to them like they're lower beings or something. "Do you want some breakfast?" He nods his head and tries to climb in my lap again. Normally when we eat Joseph sits on my lap, and we share a plate. We have a high chair he just doesn't like to use it because he wants to be in my lap. But that's going to change. "If you want to eat you have to sit in your high chair." I stand up and walk over to the cupboards that we keep the plates in. I get out one of the plastic plates and it set it down on the tray.

"Joseph, get out of my chair," I tell him and he gives me this little pout. When I wasn't looking he climbed up onto my chair and now he's eating my bacon. I take the tray off of the high chair and set it down on the counter. Then I walk over and pick Joseph up. He starts whining a little bit but stops after a few seconds. "Lets put you in your chair so you can eat, ok?" He tells me no, but I put him in the chair anyway. He starts whining and tries to stand up. "Sit down, or you're not going to get any breakfast." I put the tray back on and it forces him to stay sitting down. He starts crying, and I start making up his plate. When I'm done I put it down in front of him. I get one of the plastic forks out of the drawer and set it down next to the plate. He picks up the fork and throws it across the room.

"If you do that again you're going in time out." I pick the fork up, rinse it off under some hot water because I haven't mopped the floors yet, and there's no telling what kind of germs are on the floor. I put it back and he doesn't throw it. He doesn't pick it up and start eating either. He's crying, and screeching, and screaming and kicking the chair and making a big deal about sitting there. I sit down back in my chair and do my best to ignore it, because you're supposed to ignore it when they do stuff like this. Addison and Emma are trying to ignore it too, but it's tough. Joseph is one annoying kid when he wants to be. God this is going to be so hard. Why did I have to decide to do this when I have a hangover? Why, oh why, oh why?

FPOV

Let me start by saying that I am proud of Buffy that she's finally decided to stop babying Joey. It was getting totally ridiculous, and she needed to stop. So now she has, and I am proud. She hasn't given into any of his whining, and crying, and screaming. He's been in time out for most of the day because he won't listen to her. This type of stuff just takes time. They have to learn that they can't get away with any of the stuff they could before, and she's toughing it out. But I can't take it anymore. Listening to him cry, and scream is getting on my nerves and I need to get out of here. I can't leave though because I'm helping her watch the twins. She has her hands full trying to keep Joseph in time out right now, so I have to stick around.

Just because I have to stay here it doesn't mean I have to help out. I am keeping an eye on the kids. Yep, whenever I pause my game and look over at them they're playing with their toys, and being good. That's more then I can say for my kids. Mattie went over to Lucas' house and while he's gone I'm going to try and figure out how the hell he beats me at Combat Warriors V. He got this thing for Christmas a couple years ago and we've played it thousands of times and he beats me every time, and I want to know why. He can't be better then me, that's for sure. So there has to be another explanation. But I guess there isn't because even the computer put on easy can beat me. Fuck it. This game sucks anyway. I turn the playstation off, and lay down on the couch.

The twins and Addy are playing quietly so I don't have to worry about them. I do have to worry about Buffy's mental well being. She's been trying to get Joey to stay in timeout for two hours now. Every single parenting book she's ever read says that you have to be consistent. You can't just try to put them in a timeout and then give up when they fight for a while. You have to stick with it until they finally give in or they'll never learn. It's obvious that all the people who wrote those books never tried putting Joey in a timeout. This kid can scream so fuckin loud. Maybe if I just close my eyes and imagine I'm somewhere else I can drown the noise out. Well, it worked but now I'm getting drowsy. I'm sure Buffy won't care if I take a little nap.

This is starting to get really annoying. One minute I was laying on the couch, listening to the kids play, and now I'm here. I've been having dreams like this since that morning at the hospital when my sister was born. I've had seven more in the last two years, and every time I have no fuckin clue what's going on. Nothing is ever explained to me. I'm starting to think it's just my subconscious fears getting the best of me. In my dreams I'm seeing exactly what I don't want to happen in real life. But I have a feeling it's more then that. I'm a slayer so of course it's more then that. Anyway, I'm sitting in the kitchen at the table, and we're eating dinner. Addy is going on and on about something that happened at school, but I'm not really paying attention.

I'm too busy looking at Buffy. She is so beautiful. I just want to take her in my arms and show her just how stunning I think she is. But in every dream she's distant from me, she doesn't let me touch, and she can barely look at me. I have no idea what I did to make her like that. Is this because I didn't want to have another baby? Is she that resentful? I don't think that's it. I don't know, I just have a feeling it's something different. But it's been two years. Everything in the dreams has aged two years just like in my real life, but Buffy is still pissed off at me. She does a good job of hiding it in front of the kids, but when we're alone she doesn't even try. I want to know what's wrong, but I'm a little afraid to find out.

"And I have a history test tomorrow, and I know it's a school night but do you think I can stay the night at Jenny's so we can study? Please, Mama, you know I'm not good memorizing this stuff on my own." I do? "And both of her parents are going to be home all night, and they'll make sure that we stay focused and don't start talking about boys and stuff like that." She smiles a little bit at her own joke, and I have to admit it's not funny. I don't like the fact that here my daughter is a teenager. Not just a teenager but a boy crazy teenager. You don't want to know what I saw the last time I had one of these dreams. The anger carried over into reality and I couldn't look at Addy for the rest of the day. It was bad. "Please, Mama? I really need to study if I'm going to pass this test." I go to say something, but then a phone starts ringing. I look down and see a cell phone attached to my belt. Why would I keep it on at dinner?

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Buffy asks and she sounds a little…cold. I nod and take the phone off my belt. I look at the caller id and it says 'office calling'. I tell the others I should take it in the other room, and Addy sighs very dramatically. I guess this happens a lot. Anyway, I get up and walk into the living room. Some things have changed in the house. There are more pictures of us, the curtains are different from the last dream that I had, and the TV is bigger. Probably my doing. If I had my way I'd turn an entire wall into a TV just for the hell of it. Getting back to the point, I flip the phone open and hold it up to my ear, and say hello.

"Hey Faith," I hear a very perky voice on the other end. Well now I'm confused. Who the hell is this? We most likely work together since the id said office calling, but why would she be calling me at home? "I'm so sorry, but I have to cancel our plans for tonight. The boss wants these blueprints done by tomorrow and if they're not finished then I might get fired." What kind of plans did we have? I want to ask but that'll probably draw some suspicion from her and my family if they're listening in on this conversation.

"Oh, that's ok. We can reschedule." She says that'll be great and that she'll talk to me tomorrow. "Ok, so I'll talk to you tomorrow. Right." Why am I babbling like an idiot? Oh right, because I have no idea what's going on. "Well, I gotta go, so see you tomorrow." She says bye and then I hang up. I turn the phone off and set it on the end table. I go back into the kitchen and suddenly everything has changed. Addy isn't going on and on about the fight in her gym class, Joey doesn't look like he's in a good mood, and Buffy is looking down at her plate while she slowly eats. I sit back down in my spot and go back to eating. The silence is starting to get to me though, and I have to say something. "So Joey, how was school today?" He rolls his eyes and takes another bite of the roast.

"There was a big fight in gym," ok so they go to the same school. I'll have to remember that. "Stacey Peters beat the crap outta Melanie Roberts for sleeping with her boyfriend." Oh, well then she deserved it. Then he looks me dead in the eyes, and he looks pissed. Ok, what the fuck is up with him? "That's the thing about cheating. People get hurt, and someone always pays." I keep looking into his dark eyes, and I can see all the rage and hate that he has inside. What the fuck? I'm about to say something when I hear something slam on the table. I look over and see Buffy looking like she's about to explode she's so pissed. Her hand is flat against the smooth wood, and it looks like she put a dent in it.

"That's enough," her voice is rock hard and some veins in the side of her neck are sticking out. She really needs to calm down before one of those pop. She looks up at Joey and he doesn't make eye contact with her. He looks down at his plate and he doesn't look back up. Addy puts her fork down and starts staring at her lap. She looks like she's trying to hold back some tears. I look over at Buffy again, and she takes a deep breath, but I don't think it really helps. She doesn't look as angry, but I feel it rolling off her in waves. "Why don't you two finish your homework? I'll clean up in here." They get up without saying a word, and Joey gives me the hardest glare I've ever seen in my life.

Buffy starts clearing off the table. She puts the dirty dishes in the sink, and she won't look at me. I get up and help her, but this just pisses her off even more. She takes a plate right out of my hand and puts it in the sink. She isn't being very careful, and something is going to break soon. Either a dish, or her temper, but something is going to break. When all the dishes are in the sink she starts rinsing them off, and shoving the wasted food down the garbage disposal. I lean against the counter with my arms folded across my chest, and just watch her. This is a classic stand off, a kind that we've had before and eventually she's going to say something. Since when have you known Buffy to not say something? That's what I thought.

"I thought you told your tramp not the call while you're at home?" she finally says and starts loading the dishes into the dishwasher. "The kids know when she's the one calling you, and you know how upset they get." I take a step closer and she completely tenses up. "Do not come near me right now." Ok, ok, I won't. I lean against the counter again and just let her talk. I have no idea what to say. So that woman who called earlier is my mistress? I'm cheating on Buffy? That doesn't make sense, I'd never cheat on Buffy. "So, what did she have to say this time, huh? What kinky things are two planning now?" I go to say something, but she doesn't let me talk. "Nevermind. I don't want to know." She picks up a plate and slams it against the side of the sink and it shatters. As if she didn't have any attention already.

"I don't care what you two do when you're together, but you will not bring it into this house, do you understand me?" I nod my head a little bit because I have no idea what to do. I've never seen her like this before. She turns and faces me and her face is red, and her eyes look cold. "They're not stupid, Faith, they know what's going on. But it doesn't matter if they know, I don't want them exposed to it. You tell your little hussy if she ever calls you at home again, I'll shove that damn cell phone down her throat! Everybody knows about your little secret, but you should have the decency to try and be discreet. God, when are you going to wake up? Just wake up, Faith!"

I'm startled awake when I feel something poke me in the eye. I sit up really fast and I hear people laughing. What the fuck is going on? I open my eyes and look around. Addy and the twins are running away from the couch and back over to their toys, and they're laughing. I guess they were messing with me in my sleep. I lay back down and stare up at the ceiling. I can hear Joey crying so I guess things aren't going any better for Buffy. I get up off the couch and follow the sound. I walk into the kitchen and see Joey sitting in on the timeout stool, and Buffy is sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee. My eyes well up with tears as soon as I see her. What the fuck is the matter with me? Why did I dream all that stuff?

"Faith, what's wrong?" she stands up and walks towards me. I wrap my arms around her in a big hug, and bury my face in her neck. I can tell she's a little stunned by my actions, but I don't care. I need to have my arms wrapped around her right now. She starts rubbing my back and stroking my hair. I try to calm myself down, but I can't. I'm sobbing really hard and it's the only sound I can hear. But then she starts whispering to me. "Shh, baby, it's ok. Faith, what's wrong? What happened?" I can tell she's starting to get a little panicky, so I better say something before she starts jumping to horrible conclusions. I take in a deep breath, and let it out very slowly. I don't move away from her at all though. I still need to feel her.

"I just had a really bad dream." I hear her chuckle a little bit, and I smile. I know she wouldn't be laughing if I told her what happened. I'm not going to tell her. I haven't told her about any of the dreams. They do need to stop though. I'll do anything to make them stop. I don't want to go to a place where I'm cheating on my wife and our seemingly happy family is all a lie. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I know these aren't just dreams. If I thought that then I wouldn't be so upset. One thing is for sure: I need to get to the bottom of this, and the only person who can help me is Red. If anyone can help me figure out what the hell is going on it's her. Her and Sky live in Lincoln now so all I have to do is come up with a good excuse to go over there and see her. I really hope she can help me, 'cause I don't know how much more of this I can take.


	66. Expecting And The Unexpected

A/N: I know it's been a while since I've updated. I'm currently staying at my sister's place and watching her two-year-old during the day so I simply don't have as much time to write the updates. But they will get done. Slowly, but surely. I don't plan on abandoning this story any time soon. And for those of you who read 'The Courtship of Buffy Summers' I'm not going to abandon that one either. I just have a little case of writer's block, but I'm start to get over it. Well, anyway, enjoy the update.

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**Two Weeks Later.** WPOV

I take a deep calming breath as I walk out of the bathroom. The steam from the shower I just took disappears as it hits the cool air of my bedroom. Well, it isn't just my bedroom. Sky lives here too. Yep, that's right, we live together now. Sure it isn't the first time I've lived with someone other then my parents, but it's still exciting. After Kennedy left I thought I would never be happy again. I completely shut down, and fell into a deep depression. But Sky pulled me out of it, and I'm very grateful for it. She's given me so many things that I never thought I'd ever have again. She's also giving me something I never thought I would have, period.

"Ready for bed?" she asks and looks up from her book. She's beautiful and she has a brain. God I love this woman. I sit down on the bed and hold out the comb in my hand and give her a little pout. She rolls her eyes and sighs very dramatically but she smiles so I know she's going to do what I want. She bookmarks her spot and puts the very thick novel down on her end table and crawls towards me. She takes the comb from me and sits behind me so she can comb my hair. I don't know why but I love it when she does this. "You know, I think you have this backwards." What is she talking about? She keeps talking before I can question her on it. "I mean, aren't you supposed to be pampering me?" I smile and gently rub her thighs as she sets them on either side of me.

"I've already tried, and you never let me." I did try to pamper her, and she didn't let me. She said that even though it is silently romantic to eat breakfast in bed, we should eat it at the table so we don't get crumbs in the bed. She also said that carrying her around isn't necessary, and how was I supposed to know she's allergic to strawberries? It's not like she ever told me. Then again I never asked. That little bit of information completely ruined that romantic surprise. I guess it doesn't matter now though. I mean it does, because now I know that she's allergic to strawberries, but the romance being taken out of the moment doesn't matter. We made up for that in all sorts of fun ways.

"That's because you were trying too hard, baby. Bring it down a little bit and I'll let you pamper me until I won't have it any other way." I smile and turn around just enough to see her face. "It's kind of hard to comb your hair when you're staring at me." I guess she's right. I give her a little peck on the lips and turn around again so she can finish. "So, we're definitely telling Buffy and Faith tomorrow?" I nod my head and it makes her accidentally pull on a knot. I feel a little bad about keeping this from Buffy. Sky and I have known for three whole days now and we haven't said anything. I've been distracted though. Faith is having these weird dreams and wants me to look into it. I've been up late every night researching but I still haven't found anything. If she would just let me do a little exploring inside her mind then maybe I can get a clue to the right direction.

"Yes. I have to tell her. She's my best friend and this is best friend sort of news. We can wait if you want to wait." She moves my hair to the side and gently nips at my pulse point. I know she doesn't mind telling them. I'm just a little nervous. I know it seems a little selfish but I want Buffy to be happy for me and I'm afraid she's going to be too distracted by the Faith stuff to really care right now. The news will sink in and I'm sure when everything has blown over we'll go out for drinks or whatever it is people do in this situation, but I'm afraid she's going to be too distracted. I completely understand it. If it was Sky who was having strange dreams of a world where I hated her then my mind would be very one-tracky.

"I don't want to wait," she whispers and lightly nips at the shell of my ear. A cold shiver runs down my spine and I know Sky is smiling at me. She starts combing out my hair again and tries to act like that didn't just happen. She can be a tease, especially lately. I thought she would be feeling sick, and tired and not want to do anything, but for the last couple days she's been very...playful and adventurous. We should have sex in public more often, it's such a rush. Unless you get caught. And yes we did, and we're not longer welcome at the Target on Raymert Drive. But that's ok, there are plenty of other places we can do our shopping. And it's not even our fault that we got caught. We were being very quiet and discreet. If that little girl hadn't opened the door of our changing room then everything would have been fine.

"So, I was thinking." Whenever she says those words I either have to buy something, go somewhere, or call somebody. It's not always fun. "After we figure out what's wrong with Faith, and find a way to stop those dreams, we could take a little trip to Oregon and visit my parents." I tense up a little bit and my eyes go wide. Ok, let me explain why I'm having this reaction. Sky's parents are good people. They do a lot to help out in their community, and they give to a lot of different charities. They raised all of their kids to be kind, understanding, and open minded people. But the open mindedness wasn't supposed to be very broad. She had everything her parents could have wanted for their daughter, which was a great house, a loving husband, and a very bright future.

Only now she has a great house, a loving fiancé, and a very bright future. Only I'm a woman, not a man and her parents have a problem with it. I met them once a couple years ago and as soon as Sky said that I am the love of her life and she's going to marry me her parents didn't really want me around them or in their house, or around their daughter. It's not just them either. The entire town is very conservative and we got a lot of glares and weird looks when she started showing me around the place she grew up, and held onto my hand the entire time. Sky refused to give into the 'close mindedness of the assholes around us'. Her words, not mine.

We've visited my parents a couple of times, but they responded to Sky the same way they responded to Kennedy and Tara. They were friendly but not very interested. I seriously think the only reason my parents had me was for research. The only time they've ever shown any real interest in a conversation with us is when we were talking about having a baby. I still think that my mom only wants a grandchild is so she can study the cognitive and physical developments as he or she grows. I think she also wants to find out how a child of a lesbian couple reacts to the opinions of other people about their parents. So it's safe to say that we won't be taking too many trips to grandma and grandpa Rosenberg when we do have a baby. Anyway, I take a little calming breath and try to word this as carefully as I can.

"We can, if you want to. It has been a while since I met them." Her parents hate me because I 'corrupted' their daughter. If only they knew about the few flings she had in college, they would probably flip. She loved her husband, and he was a huge part of her life. It took her a while but she finally opened up and told me that she loved him, but she wasn't in love with him, and she only married him to try and make her parents proud. It worked, they were very proud, but then he got in that car accident. The reason she didn't date anybody for such a long time is because she felt horribly guilty about his death. She said that if she hadn't married him he wouldn't have been on his way to the house that they bought, and he wouldn't have been going through that particular intersection and he wouldn't have been hit by that truck.

I completely understand about the guilt thing. I mean there are so many what-ifs when it comes to Tara and me. If I hadn't gotten addicted to magic then we wouldn't have broke up, which means we wouldn't have been in bed for those couple of days, and she would have been at school instead of blowing off her classes to be with me. She would have been safe, and we would still be together and living in our own house, with a couple of kids running around and we could have gotten our happy ending. And I loved Tara so much, but I have moved on, and if none of that stuff happened with her and with Kennedy then I would never have met Sky, and we wouldn't be together.

"I know they aren't accepting of you and our relationship, but they're my family. I have to tell them, just like you have to tell Buffy." Ok, lets not get personal or anything. She uses my close friendship with Buffy against me a lot. Not so much that it gets irritating, but enough so that I know what she's doing and why she's doing it. She brings in the Buffy card and sends me on a little guilt trip, and I usually cave. I can be very stubborn though, and we've gotten into a couple of fights because of it. Just little stupid stuff, nothing big, but it still hurt. I hate fighting with people, I'm so non-confrontational that it's a little strange I help in the battle against evil. Fighting evil requires a certain amount of confrontation. Why am I babbling about this? "And just like you have to tell your parents." Ok, now she's crossed a line.

"No way, we're not going to tell my parents. We can go to Oregon and visit with your family and share the good news, but there's no way we're going to tell my parents." No way in hell are we going all the way to Ithaca New York just to see my parents. But I know Sky is going to be stubborn about this. She's a naturally stubborn person when she wants to be. Add that with the stubbornness she gets from being a slayer and it's almost impossible to change her mind when she sets it on something. And if she sets her mind too strongly on this then there's a good chance we'll never have sex again. Because I'm not going to budge and she's not going to budge. It'll be like a cold war or something. Yep, that's exactly what it will be like.

"Willow, this is a big deal, and you promised your mom you would keep her update to date on the important things going on in your life." I know I said that but I didn't mean it. And I could always call her or send and e-mail. We don't have to go all the way out to Ithaca New York. "Am I not important enough?" She sounds so sad now. I know what this is, she's trying to manipulate me. Well, I'm not going to let her. "You must be really ashamed to be with me if you'd rather send your parents an e-mail or something then go to their house and tell her in person." She sounds like she's going to cry. I turn around and look at her, and just by looking at her I know she isn't trying to manipulate me. She really is feeling insecure. I reach out and wipe the tears that are slowly creeping down her face. Then I tilt her chin up and just stare at her until she makes eye contact.

"Baby I am in no way ashamed of you. I'm lucky to have you, and very grateful. It's just...my parents don't view children as a little person you can teach, and have fun with. They view them as little people that should be studied to try and understand what they're thinking at all times. And try and figure out which statistic a certain child falls under. And they're not going to care about this," I gently rub my hand along her stomach and the tears in her eyes start to disappear. "Until he or she is born. Then all they'll want to do is obverse her and take notes, and write her behavior off as a statistical thing that some kids go through. They're not going to care that he or she is their grandchild." Sky nods her head a little bit and her bottom lip starts to tremble. Great, what did I say now?

"That must be so awful. To know that your parents aren't going to really care about our baby." The tears start rolling down her cheeks again and I have to force myself not to roll my eyes. Don't get me wrong, of course I care that my mom and dad aren't going to show the normal type of interest that grandparents normally show with their grandchildren. But I'm so used to it now from them doing it with me that I'm jaded, and the pain isn't as bad as it used to be. I gently wipe Sky's tears away and give her a little kiss on the lips. "I'm sorry, it's these damn hormones. I never know when they're going to rear their ugly heads." That's true. Her moods have been swinging a lot lately. But that's normal, and sometimes it's kind of cute. Seeing her pout because we're almost out of toilet paper is so adorable, you have no idea.

"It's not that bad. If you want we can invite them to come stay with us. They've never been here before so it'll be nice to show them what we've done with this place." She smiles and nods her head and I can't help but feel like I've just been played. "I'm sure my dad will love Vegas, and you can ask my mom all sorts of pregnancy questions. I know that the books go into a lot of details, but it might be nice to hear what my mom has to say about being pregnant with me." She leans over and gives me a kiss. It lasts longer then the others and she gently sucks on my bottom lip for a few seconds.

"That would be great, baby." She leaves a little peck on my lips and then looks into my eyes. She has this little gleam that I'm very familiar with. I know when she gets that particular look in her eyes nothing good ever happens. "And I can always ask her about some things we'll need to know. Like bath time, and potty training." Great, she's going to ask my mom and dad to tell her embarrassing stories about me. Sky has met Xander before, and they talked a little about me but I was standing right there and for every story Xander tried to tell I would remind him about some other stories that don't make him look very good. That kept the embarrassing Willow stories to a minimum. I did let him tell a couple and Sky thought they were so funny.

"We need to get some sleep if we're going to be at Buffy's first thing in the morning," I say with a little smile. I really hope Buffy isn't too distracted with the Faith stuff to be happy for me. I know that sounds selfish, and I've already gone over this with you, but I just want her to be happy. Besides, this is good news, very good news, and they could use some good news right now. I put on my bedclothes which consist of a baggy t-shirt and some boxers. I outgrew my pajama phase a long time ago. "She might be a little cranky because Buffy has never been a morning person, but I'm sure once she gets some coffee in her and tell her our big news she'll perk right up." I turn out the lights and crawl under the covers. I cuddle up to Sky and put my hand on her belly. Normally we're the opposite, with me on my back and her cuddle up to me, but ever since we found out that she's pregnant we've been sleeping like this. I can't wait until tomorrow, I'm so excited.

DPOV

"You boys better not be in my bedroom!" I swear one of these days I'm going to super glue them to the floor. They've gotten into the habit of using my lipstick as crayons and they color on the walls. I had a lock put on the drawer of my vanity desk. They can't get to my lipsticks, but if they try and realize they can't then they'll just get into something else. "Alex, Nick, I mean it!" God, where is the babysitter? She was supposed to be here by now. If I'm late because of her I'm going to freak out. Ok, so maybe I won't freak out, but I'll be really pissed. I finish putting on my eyeshadow and walk out of the bathroom and down the hallway. I stomp my feet a little bit and to give them a warning. I see them run out of my room, down the hall and into their bedrooms.

If I were going out on an actual date where the possibility of me getting laid wasn't none then I'd be running around like a chicken with its ass on fire. Yeah, see how I flipped that? Anyway, tonight I am getting dressed up, I shaved my legs, and I straightened my hair, but this isn't a date. You know how I said I was going to call Michael and tell him about the boys because I didn't want him to miss their fist birthday? Well, the thing is I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was too ashamed. But the guilt of him missing so much outweighs the shame of what I did. So I called Michael last week ad told him I have something important to tell him and I'm meeting him at a little French restaurant in fifteen minutes.

I know I can never make this right. Not only did I cheat on Kyle and have Michael's children but I kept him from his kids. And when we talked on the phone last week for almost three hours he told me that he's single and I'm sure he would have mentioned if he had any kids. That's usually the kind of thing people will share when telling somebody else about the things they've been up to for the last couple years. I didn't tell him about the boy but that's what tonight is al about. I really hope he doesn't think this is a date. I was extremely vague on the phone so there's a very good chance that he things this is a date. Oh, thank God the babysitter is finally here. I rush downstairs and open the door and I try not to look irritated.

"Hey, come on in," I tell Jessica and she walks in. "I should be home by eleven, and if I'm not you're welcome to spend the night." Jessica watches the boy when Buffy can't. She's busy dealing with some type of demony thing. At least I think it's a demony thing. She said something about dreams that might not be dreams, I couldn't really understand what she was saying. "I'm going to tuck them in and then I have to go." I head back upstairs and go into Nick's room first. He's sitting on the floor playing with his blocks. "Nick, it's time for bed." He whines a little bit, and kicks the floor a few times, but he doesn't fight against me when I pick him up and pout him in his bed. "Goodnight Nicky-boy." I give him a little kiss on the lips. "Mommy loves you." I give him another kiss and turn out the light as I leave the room.

I go into Alex's room next and he's laying in his bed but the lights are on. Well, at least he tried. I kiss him goodnight and tell him I love him and shut the lights out before I leave the room. I let Jessica know that I'm leaving and now the only thing I have to do is leave. I stand at the door and just look at it. When I walk out that door I'm going to see Michael again for the first time in three and a half years. He'll know that I didn't get married, and he'll know that I lied to him for three years. He's going to be mad, anybody would, but will he step up? I hope so. I don't want Nick and Alex growing up without a dad.

Ok I can do this. I have to do this whether I want to or not. Michael has my home number so if I don't show up he'll call and want to know why. It's not like he's going to just disappear if I stand him up. I take a deep, calming breath and walk out the front door. Ok, so far so good. I get in my car and very slowly back out of the driveway. I'm not trying to stall but the neighbor's dog gets out at night and if I accidentally hit it I don't want to hurt it. Anyway, I pull into the street and head for the restaurant. Why did I have to suggest that restaurant? It's a place that a lot of couples go to. If this is a date this isn't a date then why does it feel like one?

Other things have been going on in my life then just feeling guilty about Michael and the boys. I started up my own clothing company. It's going pretty good so far. We've had a couple celebrity clients who wanted something custom made, and of course I said yes. It's just a fact that when girls see a celebrity wearing a cute top, or some trendy jeans in a magazine they'll run out and buy the same clothes. That's how a lot of our profit is made. I can almost afford a new car so I'd say we're doing well. And there's this guy who works in the ordering department. Ok, I don't know if that's what it's called, but he talks to the customers when they want to place an order for something. Anyway, his name is Jason and he's always flirting with me when we're in the break room together. He hasn't asked me out though, and I'm not a first move kinda girl.

I pull into the parking lot and it doesn't take me long to find a place to park. I check my hair and make-up in the rear-view mirror and take in a deep breath. I can do this. I'm only five minutes late, so this is already going better then I expected. I would have been ready on time bu the boys wouldn't sit still and let me was their hair when I gave them their bath. Anyway, I get out of the car and walk towards the building. I love wearing heels and I'm surprised I didn't become a shoe designer, but I have to admit that this noise is very annoying when you have other things on your mind. I open the door and walk inside, and I'm hit with all sorts of different aromas. The different foods, the perfumes and colognes all the other people are wearing.

"Can I help you miss?" I look over at the voice and see the hostess. Guess I zoned out there for a few seconds. I tell her someone is waiting for me and the table was reserved under the name Michael Yates. Michael is very stubborn and insisted that he pay for the meal tonight and that the table should be under his name. He can be a little irritating like that. "Yes, he's waiting for you. Right this way." I hope he didn't show up early thinking I'd be right on time. He likes to be the first on at a place whenever he makes plans to meet someone there. At least that's how he used to be, I don't know if he's still like that or not. The hostess leads me to the table and our eyes meet across the room. I get a little smile on my face, and he smiles back.

"Hi Michael," I say and stand by the table. He stands up because that's the polite thing to do. The hostess sets another menu down on the table and tells us that our waiter will be by soon. I sit down, and so does Michael. Seeing him again is making all sorts of butterflies flutter around my stomach. "You look great. Not that you've ever looked bad because you always look great." I can't believe I'm babbling. What is wrong with me? He smiles a little and takes a sip of wine. He already ordered us some wine, that's great. I hold my glass to my lips and resist the urge to chug. I take a very long sip and then set my glass down.

"You look..." his eyes trail up and down my face and torso and I fight not to blush. I have a feeling that's going to happen a lot. "Beautiful, like always." And the blush wins. He chuckles a little bit and then we sit in silence. It isn't uncomfortable though. Things between us have always been this way. "So what's so important that you couldn't tell me over the phone?" And now I'm a little uncomfortable. He notices and gets a little serious. I take another sip of my wine and I'm sure even the visually impaired can see that I'm stalling. I sigh and resist the urge to run my hand through my hair. He'll know that something major is up if I do that.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous is all." The waiter shows up and thank God for the interruption. We order our food which takes a couple of minutes because neither of us have been here before, and I don't really know what I want. All of the girls at wok said they love this place, and now I know why. It is very romantic. Anyway, the waiter leaves and we're in silence again. Well, I guess I should start. I really hope this goes well. "The reason I needed to talk to you is because of what happened the last time we were together." I let him interrupt because my stomach feels like it's being tied in knots I'm so nervous.

"I know what happened was stupid. You told me you were engaged and I did it anyway. I'm not the kind of person who sleeps with another man's girl. I'm sorry and I hope everything worked out ok." He takes a long sip of his wine and he sets the glass down. Then he sighs and shakes his head a little. "But if it did we probably wouldn't be here right now. So what's up?" And now it's my turn to talk again. This was the part I wanted to avoid. But this is the reason I asked him here so it's now or never. I'm about to open my mouth and explain everything when the waiter comes back. Why does that always happen at just the wrong moment? He puts our food down and refills our glasses and leaves. I take a bite of the food on my plate and chew very slowly. I can't even remember what I ordered, but it tastes great.

"I guess I'll get to the real reason I asked you to come out here." I put my fork down and pick up my purse. I can smell his cologne from across the table. It's the same cologne he used to wear when we were dating. I've always loved the smell of his cologne. God, he looks so great in that shirt, and he's looking at me with those dark eyes and I know it's really wrong but I want to kiss him. Ok, Dawn, calm down. Just tell him and get it over with. I'm sure he won't want you ever again after tonight. Anyway, I pull the small black photo album out of my purse, and put my purse back on the floor by my chair. "Everything didn't work out like I wanted, but I'm ok now." My grip on the hard cover tightens a little and Michael looks really confused.

"My fiancé and I split up when he found out what happened. I made the horrible mistake of lying to him about it, and he couldn't forgive me. But I don't regret what we did, and this is why." I hand him the photo album, and our fingers touch when he takes it from me. That little touch sends shockwaves through my body, and I really want to feel his hands on me again. What is wrong with me? I'm sitting here telling him that he's been a father for the last three years, his entire world is about to be turned upside down, and all I can really think about is fucking him. There is definitely something wrong with me. I watch as he slowly opens the cover of the album. I know exactly which pictures are in there. I spent five hours picking out the best ones.

At first he looks shocked. The very first picture is one of the boys sleeping on my bed. We were still living in the hotel so the bedspread is really ugly but that doesn't matter. They're asleep and they're lying next to each other, and their foreheads are touching. It's a very cute picture, one of the best I've ever taken. Michael looks at that for a minute or two then he turns it to the next one. In this one the boys are seven months old and they're taking a bath, and laughing and having so much fun. He smiles a little bit at that one, and he starts looking at the rest. For a few minutes his expression is blank, and I can't read him which is scary. When he gets to th end he looks pissed. He closes the album and he looks up at me. His jaw is clenched tight, and his head is shaking a little. This is not going to be good.

"So you're telling me," his lips are tight and I'm surprised he can open his mouth to talk. His voice is strained because he's trying not to yell. I really hope this doesn't turn into a screaming match. "You got pregnant, and you didn't tell me." I nod my head and take another sip of my wine. "These are my boys?" I nod my head again and his anger is growing by the second. I have no one to blame but myself. He looks through the album again, only quicker this time. Then he snaps it shut, and puts it on the table. I have more copies of all those pictures so I don't care if he keeps those. I want him to keep them. "So why are you telling me this shit now? Why did you wait so fucking long?" Ok, I know this news is upsetting, but he needs to calm down before we get kicked out.

"Michael keep your voice down." He opens his mouth and I know he wants to yell, but he doesn't. He clenches his fists and his jaw, and he keeps quiet. I guess this is the part when I explain the rest. "I didn't tell you because I was too ashamed. I was in total denial and I thought if I just kept my mouth shut then everything would be ok. And then Kyle found out and left me and I went into labor the same day and everything was so insane and overwhelming. I wanted to call you. I must have picked up the phone a thousand times, but I just couldn't. But I'm telling you now. I know what I did is wrong, and I'm hoping you could forgive me." I close my mouth and take in a deep breath through my nose. Some of the other customers are watching us and I can feel their eyes on me. I ignore them because getting mad at them will do no good. I take a sip of my wine and wait for him to say something.

"So what do you want from me?" his voice is low and...menacing? Yeah, I think that's the word I want to use. "You waited three years to call me, so what do you want? Money, is that it? Your broke and want to collect the child support you missed out on? Your fiancé left you and your pissed at me and now you want to collect. Is that it?" No, no, no. This is going all wrong. He starts to say something else but I interrupt him. I don't want him thinking thoughts like that. It's too...I don't know, but it's not want I want at all.

"I don't need your money. I called you here because I felt bad about keeping your sons from you. I thought you'd want to know that you're a father. I'm not going to force you into anything, but if you want to see them, if you want a relationship with them then that's fine with me. We can work something out." I have to take a deep breath to stop myself from yelling. He thought I wanted money from him? I prepared myself all the reactions I thought he would have but I never thought he would think that. "You can keep the pictures. Think about what I said. If you decide what you want to do you know how to reach me." I grab my purse, and leave the La Petit Café. Hopefully he'll come to his senses and call me. Otherwise it's goodbye Michael Yates, so long and good riddance.

FPOV

I stare up at the ceiling and try to keep my tears bottled in. I don't understand why this is happening. Three weeks ago I was happy, and everything was going fine. Nothing's perfect and there were definitely room for improvements, but I would rather have Joey take up all of B's time then deal with this. I had another one of those stupid dreams. Only this time I wasn't at the house with B and the kids. I didn't get to see my kids as teenagers, and I didn't have to be totally confused by B's anger and coldness. I fell asleep with Buffy in my arms, and the next thing I know I'm in a motel room. I wasn't alone though. I was on my back and some chick I've never seen before was riding me, and I didn't even try to stop her.

I was having a dream about cheating on Buffy with some…twenty-something year old. Only I don't think it was a dream. There's something about these dreams that are so real. I wake up from them and I don't feel like I was dreaming, I feel like I'm coming home from being somewhere else. I know it's confusing and it doesn't make any sense, but that's how it feels. So now I'm staring up at the ceiling, feeling a little nauseous and trying so hard not to cry. Buffy isn't in my arms anymore, and I'm actually a little glad about that. It just wouldn't be right to wake up from something like that and be cuddling with my wife. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this guilt.

I don't know how I'm going to tell Buffy. I filled Buffy in about all these dreams last week, and I promised I'd tell her if I have another one, but how am I supposed to tell her about this? I can picture that lovely conversation now: 'Oh Buffy, by the way I had another one of those dreams. Ya know, the ones I think aren't really dreams at all?' And then Buffy would be like: 'Really Faith, well tell me about it. What did the kids look like this time?' And then I'd be like: 'Couldn't tell ya, I didn't see them this time. It was strange, when I came to I was at some motel, and completely naked, and some smokin brunette was riding me. I think I used that spell on the strap-on because she felt fan-fuckin-tastic.' Then she'd slap me and I'd be sleeping on the couch for the rest of my life.

Ok, so maybe it wouldn't go exactly like that but the Buffy slapping me and me sleeping on the couch for the rest of my life is a given. Not only that but I don't think this sickening feeling is going to go away. I feel so fuckin dirty, and I know this is the kind of dirt that isn't going to wash off in a hot shower. This is the psychological dirt that can't be scrubbed away physically. Saying it even inside my head doesn't sound real. It's like those words put together add up to a different language that no one can translate. I cheated on Buffy. I cheated on Buffy. I cheated on Buffy and a for a few seconds I was enjoying it. There, I admitted it. When I saw that chick riding me I thought I was just having a dream, and it felt so fuckin good. She was so tight that I almost came. And then I realized it wasn't a normal wet dream, and I just wanted her off of me.

I hear my bedroom door creak open. I look over but I don't see anything, so I look a little lower. I can't help but smile a little bit. Ruby is laying down with only her front paws and head peeking in the room, like she's spying on us or something. No dog will ever be as good as Tucker, but she's a pretty good dog. She puts up with the kids, and she's really friendly with strangers and other animals. She doesn't get jealous when B and I are being affectionate, and she doesn't get jealous when I'm wrestling around with the kids. If any dog ever showed any aggression towards my kids I wouldn't hesitate to get rid of it. Anyway, I pat the side of the bed a little bit and Ruby starts army crawling towards me. She gets as close to the bed as she can before she hops up and lays down next to me.

At first I didn't really like this dog. I mean, sure she was pretty cute, and who doesn't love puppies, right? But then she started getting into my stuff. One night while we were having dinner at my dad's she got into the hamper and decided that my leather pants would be a great thing to chew on. I started to bitch and complain 'cause those pants cost me almost two hundred bucks. But then Buffy got really pissed off and said I didn't have a right to complain because not only did I buy the dog, but if she had to put up with all the shit that Tucker put her through then I have to put up with Ruby. Once she finished teething everything was fine. Anyway, she lays down next to me and puts her head on my stomach. I gently pull at her ears, and run my fingers through her long fur.

Red doesn't know what's up with the dreams. She's looking into them and she really wants to go inside my mind and dig around a little bit, but that can go horribly wrong. It just depends on how bad the dreams get. If I have one again and Buffy and I are divorced and I'm shacked up with that…chick then I'll let Red dig around. She said that the best way to figure out what's going on is if she gets inside my mind while I'm having one of the…episodes, but I never know when I'm going to have one. I know they're not dreams, they don't feel like it. Maybe I'm going to an alternate reality or something. But then that would mean the sleazy cheating Faith would be here, and Buffy hasn't said anything about an older me walking around acting confused. I feel Buffy move around a little and I smile.

"Baby, why are you awake?" I hear her mumble. She's so damn cute when she first wakes up. The pillow imprints on her face only make her look even more adorable. "It's three in the morning, why are you up?" I look over at her and I feel my tears spill out the corners of my eyes. That gets her attention, and she lifts her head up a little bit. "Faith, what's the matter? Did you have another one of those dreams?" I nod my head and roll over onto my side so I can look at her better. I look into her worried hazel eyes. I slowly lean over and place a soft kiss on her lips. She's not having any of it though, and she pulls back. Great, now I have to talk about it. I hate it when I have to talk about it.

"Yeah, I had another one of the dreams. I don't want to talk about it, ok? I don't know why we have to talk about it." I know why we have to talk about it. We talk about it so she's up to speed on everything. Good communication is the foundation for any good relationship, blah, blah, blah. Well, I don't want to have good communication tonight. Tonight I just want to lay here and try to forget about what happened. But Buffy isn't going to let it go. When have you known her to ever let anything go? That's what I thought. I give her another little kiss as she tries to talk. I was trying to make her smile, but she's getting irritated.

"Faith we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Wait...what? She's going to let it go? Ok, so the Buffy-bot switched with her while I was sleeping and my real wife is being held in some dark cave and she's waiting for me to rescue her. How come she's always the one in need of rescuing? I mean, it's not that I want to get captured and tied up in some dark cave with a villain mocking me and telling me how they're going to kill me and how much I'm going to beg. It would just be a nice change of pace, that's all I'm saying. "If you did something that you're not proud of you don't have to tell me about it. Whatever is going on, it isn't real, right?" And now she's insecure about herself. I try so hard not to sigh and luckily I don't or a fight would probably break out.

"Babe, nothing happened. Well, something happened and I'm not proud of it, but when I woke up there it was already happening and I couldn't stop it." She looking really confused and I understand because I can barely make sense out of what I said. "When I woke up some woman was straddling me and I think we used that spell that Willow made because I could feel it. And for a few seconds I thought it was just a dream and I let myself enjoy it." There, now she knows what I didn't want to tell her. She gets this weird look on her face, and I can't even begin to describe it. "I cheated on you. I cheated on you but I didn't want to, it was just happening." More tears well in my eyes and this is exactly why I didn't want to talk about it. I get too emotional when it comes things like this.

"No you didn't. You didn't know you were going to dream something like that. You thought it was just a dream so you enjoyed it, but when you realized it was one of those other dreams you wanted it to stop right?" I nod my head and sniffle loudly. This sucks. I hate crying so fuckin much. You have no idea. "Faithy, don't get upset. It wasn't your fault." I scoots closer to me and gently wipes away my tears. "Please stop crying, or I'm gonna cry and then you'll cry more and we'll get stuck in an endless cycle of tears." That makes me laugh a little bit and then she smiles. "There, no more tears, ok?" I nod my head and she gives me a little kiss on my lips. She tries to move closer, but we're very rudely interrupted by the dog crawling in between us. B gives me a little glare and sighs a very dramatic sigh. She hates it when I let the dogs on the bed.

"Now Ruby," B says and pets the dog on the top of her head. "You know you're not supposed to be up here. Now scram." She gives the dog a little shove and Ruby jumps off the bed. I look over towards the window and I sigh a little bit. The sun is starting to come up. Which means in about ten minutes Joey and Addy are going to wake up. Addy will just go downstairs and watch TV, but Joey will come in here and wake us up so we can make him some breakfast. It's only been two weeks since stopped babying our little boy and he's completely different. Not in a bad way or anything. He doesn't cling to her like his life depends on it, and he doesn't follow her around. He plays with Addy more, and with Ruby. Buffy isn't as stressed and she's a lot nicer to be around.

"So," Buffy says and starts to tease the skin on my abdomen, right where the skin meets the hem of my underwear. "This girl you were with in that dream, she was straddling you?" She's using her innocent voice and it sounds really sexy. I nod my head a little bit and she kisses me again. "Were you laying down on sitting up?" I tell her laying down and she gets a sly smile on her face. Yeah right, like she's fooling anybody. "Was she riding you hard, or was she soft?" Her hands gently slide passed the elastic on my panties, and I hiss in a breath. How does she do this so well? I tell her hard and she smiles a little bit. And right before she touches my now throbbing clit, the bedroom door flies open. "I guess we can finish this later?" I nod my head and sigh a very frustrated sigh.

"Mom!" Addy yells and jumps on the bed. Yeah, she calls Buffy 'mom' now. It's really weird, and I don't like it. I don't like it because it means my baby girl is growing up. And I don't want her to grow up. I want her to stay my little baby forever. "Aunt Willow and Sky are here, Mom, and aunt Willow said she wants to talk to you and Mama." Maybe they know something about the dreams. But why would they just come over? Willow normally calls before they comes over. The only time she didn't call was when she got into a fight with Sky and wanted a place to stay for the night. That sucked because I had to sleep on the couch and me and B weren't the ones fighting. But that doesn't matter right now. I can bitch about that later.

I jump up and run out of the room. I running for the staircase when Joey walks out of his bedroom. I skid to a stop and fall right on my ass. Fuck that hurt. I glare at him a little and he starts laughing. Little shit. I get up and head downstairs. Maybe they know how to make the dreams stop so I don't have to go to that awful place anymore. I go into the living room but they're not there. Then I smell the bacon that's cooking in the kitchen. Aw, that's where they went. I run in there and see them sitting at the breakfast bar taking to Emma. I sit down next to Willow and she gives me a weird look. She glances down at my chest and looks away. Ok, what did I do now?

"You can get dressed first now, you know. This is why I sent Addison upstairs, so I wouldn't see any of your lady parts." My lady parts? What the hell is she talking about? I put on a shirt before I went to bed last night. I look down at myself and I can't help but blush. Wow, I can't believe I didn't notice before. I'm a major dork. I put on a shirt before I went to bed, but then I took it off when it got too hot in the bedroom. I cover my boobs up with an arm, and look up at my audience. Everyone is trying so hard not to smile. I laugh a very embarrassed little laugh and my face is burning. Normally I wouldn't be so embarrassed by the nakedness wasn't intentional, if it was I wouldn't be blushing so hard.

"I'm just gonna go put some clothes on." I slowly slide off the stool and back out of the kitchen very slowly. I think I'll try to add a little humor to the situation. Not that there isn't enough. "I'll be here 'til Thursday. Try the veil." I turn around and book it out of the room and up the stairs. When I walk into the bedroom Buffy and Addy are both laughing really hard. Oh, that was so not right. "You could have said something." Buffy is rolling around, and grabbing at her sides and tears are running out of the corners of her eyes. It wasn't that funny.

"But that...was so much...better!" Whatever. I put on a shirt and the two wicked witches keep cackling. Whatever, I don't care. It's not like anyone is going to remember this. "Oh man, I wish I could have seen the looks on their faces." B finally calms down and wipes the tears off her face. Addy calms down too and we go downstairs. Joey is in the kitchen now talking Sky's ear off. He loves talking to Sky. And he's such a boy too. Whenever he does something to make her laugh he'll glance down at her chest and watch her boobs move as she laughs. Yep, that's my boy. Willow looks like she's ready to get into scooby mode. Great, now we can finally get to the bottom of this shit.

BPOV

Oh man, you should have seen the look on Faith's face when she came running back into the bedroom. Having her be all butt hurt is so worth seeing the look on her face. As soon as we walked into the kitchen Emma, Sky and Willow started cracking up. That just made me and Addison start laughing again and Faith started pouting. I hate it when she pouts, she's worst then the kids sometimes. But she's fine now. We still don't know why Willow and Sky are here since we agreed to have the chat after breakfast. Damn Emma sure can cook. I don't think I'm going to let her move out. I'll hire her to be our personal chef. I'm just kidding. I know she's going to move out for good when she finishes college.

"Sky and I were thinking about inviting some people to stay with us after we figure out what's going on with those weird dreams." She takes a sip of her coffee and then gives me the sympathy eyes. Great, so she still hasn't found anything about. "I'm sorry, I've been up late every night trying to figure out what's going on, and I still haven't found anything. Giles has a few books that he's going to send me, they should be here tomorrow or the day after, and hopefully they'll have something." Ok, so why is she here so early? I had another fifteen minutes at least before I had to get up. She robbed me of my private naughty time with Faith and she hasn't told us why. It better be a good reason or I'm gonna be mad.

"Who are you guys gonna invite over? Anyone cool?" Faith asks and Willow snorts. Sky gives her a warning look and my redheaded friend gives her a bashful smile. Ok, so I guess Willow doesn't want to go but Sky talked her into it. Yeah, I'm sure of it. It's a little crazy how whipped Willow is. I got so used to seeing her and Kennedy together, and Kennedy was definitely the whipped one of that relationship. So it's a little strange seeing her giving the bashful 'I'm sorry' smiles, and then trying to butter Sky up. Anyway, Willow did the bashful smile thing and Sky gave her a small smile so I guess everything is ok between them. I'm sure if Sky was still annoyed she wouldn't have smiled. Ok, and now we'll get back to the conversation.

"We're going to invite my parents to stay with us at our house." Wait, they're doing what? My throat decides to close up as I take a drink of milk and I start coughing. Everyone stops talking and looks over at me. Faith pats me on the back, but I give her a little glare and she stops. "Are you alright, Buffy?" I nod my head yes and clear my throat. Damn, that sucked. I drink another mouth full of milk just to show everyone that I'm fine. "So, anyway, we're going to invite them to stay for a week, maybe two. We don't get to see each other that much since they live on the east coast now." She never saw much of her parents when they lived in the same house. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I just never really thought that her parents paid enough attention to Willow. My mom was more of a mom to her then her own mom was. Wait...did that sentence make sense?

"Ok, so are you guys moving the wedding plan up dramatically or something?" They're getting married this spring, on the fifteenth of April. A couple weeks ago Willow was telling me how she's going to invite her mom and dad, but they might not come because it isn't going to be a Jewish wedding. I honestly don't understand how someone could let their beliefs keep them from being at an important moment of their child's life. But I'm not going to dwell on it or anything, but what they choose to do is their business and I should just keep out of it.

"No, the wedding is still set for April." She glances over at Sky while she speaks, and she gets a little smile on her face. A smile that's letting us all know just how smitten she is. I take a drink of my milk to cover up the smile on my face. "It's just that my parents have never seen our house, or this town and we thought it would be nice if we invited them and show them around a little bit." Ok, that seems a little strange to me. She lived in Redding for how long and her parents never visited her there. Something's up, something that she isn't telling me. I give her my suspicious look, and she gets a little nervous. So something is going on. Now I really want to know what.

Now that I'm thinking about it Willow and Sky have been acting a little strange the last couple of days. I thought maybe it was just from the lack of sleep but now I know something else is going on. What are they hiding? It can't be anything too serious or Willow would have told me right away. That's just what best friends do. I mean, we drifted apart through the years especially when she ran off and hid from the world after Kennedy left her for Cordelia, but ever since she moved here to Nevada we've grown close again. We go shopping all the time together, even if it's just window shopping. I don't get it, why would she keep something from me? Unless it's bad. Are they moving away? Please tell me they're not going to move away.

"And when we get this thing figured out," Sky says and finishes chewing her last bite of food. "We're going to Oregon for a few days. We're not sure if we want to do that first or have Willow's parents come visit us." Why would they go to Oregon. "I know the last time we saw my parents it didn't turn out like we hoped, but I'm sure they'll come our sooner or later." Wait...first they say that Willow's parents are coming out here to visit them, and now they're going to go to Oregon to visit Sky's parents? This makes no sense. Why would they do that? I don't get it. I wanna know what they're not telling me.

"Oregon's nice," Faith says and takes the last bite of her toast. My eyes linger on her for a few seconds and I can see how tired she is. Her eyes have dark circles under them, and her shoulders are slouching a little bit. I feel so bad that there's nothing we can do about these dreams. Why does this stuff always happen to us? "Do they live near the coast?" We used to go up to the Oregon coast and camp when Matthew was little. We also went to this place called Bodega Bay, but it wasn't as nice as the Oregon coastline. Ok, so why am I rambling about this? Anyway, Sky shakes her head no, and puts down her cup of coffee.

"No, they live in Medford." Wow, how exciting. Medford is a lot like Redding California. Just enough people so it isn't a hick town, but not a whole lot of stuff to do. Not that Sunnydale was the hippest place to be. But at least it had a hellmouth to keep me busy. "I still haven't called them though. They might not want us to come." That would suck so much. I know that if my mom was still alive she wouldn't even bat an eyelash at the fact that I'm in love with another woman. She would just be happy that I found someone who takes care of me, and who helped give her grandchildren. She was always talking about one day having some grandchildren to spoil rotten. Well, now all of the spoiling responsibilities are on Faith's dad, and he's doing a very good job of it.

"So what's the special occasion?" I ask and look at Willow. She's avoiding eye contact, that means she does have something she wants to tell me. So why won't she tell me? I guess we're going to find out. She said that she had something to tell us, she wanted to wait until after breakfast though, and now everyone is done eating. My question is ignored as everyone starts to clean up their dishes. Ok, I'll let her get away with it for now, but when we get some more coffee and sit out on the deck to talk I am so not going to let her avoid my questions. I'm starting to suspect some stuff, and I think I know what's up, and if it is what I think it is then it's about damn time.

"Ok, Sky and I have some news," Willow says as they sit down across from me at Faith. I love this deck. When we moved in here I had it rebuilt when we first moved in because the wood just wasn't right. I didn't like it at all, but Faith and her dad redid it because they were both too stubborn to let me hire a professional, but they did a great job. Anyway, they sit down and set their mugs down on the table. They look at each other and exchange some very loving smiles. I like seeing Willow this happy. It makes me feel good knowing that everything worked out. That even after all of the pain she's gone through in her life she finally found something that can help her forget about all of that.

"We're going to have a baby!" they say at the same time and they're both very excited. I smile at the happy looks on their faces, and glance over at Faith. She has a little smile on her face but it's not for the right reason. Ever since Willow sent Matthew home when he was on a sugar high she's wanted revenge. She's going to get that revenge with their baby. That's just messed up. "Well, I'm going to have the baby, but it's both of ours. It took Willow a little while to get the spell just right. Because we're both witches using magic to create the baby could have turned out horrible, but she figured it out." Willow told me that Sky would have to be the one to carry the baby because she has way too much magic in her body. That's the only thing that kept her from getting artificially inseminated when she was single.

"Congratulations you two." I get up and sit down in Willow's lap and give her a big hug. She's been my best friend since high school I have the right to sit in her lap even in front of our significant others. "It's about damn time you guys made a little mini-you." I don't know if that made sense, but it made them laugh so I don't care if it sounded stupid. I get up and give Willow a kiss on the cheek, just a friend kiss so it was nothing more then a peck. Anyway, I sit back down in my chair and give Faith the puppy-dog eyes. I know we agreed not to have anymore children, but I like to tease her about it every once in a while. She isn't going to take the bait today. She just rolls her eyes and takes a drink of her coffee.

"When are you due?" I ask and they smile a little bit. During the pregnancy parenthood is just a fantasy. Reality sets in right after the baby is born. Then all of their worries and fears will make their way to the surface, and even though they'll be happy because they have this new little life to take care of, they'll be scared shitless because they have a little, helpless person that they have to take care of. And until the baby starts to walk and talk the only real job a parent has is to keep the baby alive. When they learn how to crawl is when the real fun starts, but that comes with it's own set of worries. Anyway, back to the conversation.

"Sometime in February. The doctor said somewhere in the middle of February, but we'll see." It's kind of cool if you think about it. Xander, Willow and I all have children. Well, Willow's going to have a child in about six months. When the kids get older they can be 'the scooby gang: the next generation'. Nah, that's a little too dweeby. Andrew would always go on and on about Star Trek the next generation, and I really don't want him comparing the two. "Willow wants the baby to have brown hair like me, but I think a little redheaded girl would be cute." I watch as Willow rolls her eyes a little and Sky gives her a playful smack on the leg. It's nice seeing them like this. I'm sure once we get Faith's dreams figured out we'll act like that again. She's been too tired to be playful. Hopefully we'll get it figured out soon.


	67. The Unthinkable

One Week Later. MPOV

"Would you just back the fuck off already? I don't want to talk to about it!" I hear one of them yell, and a door slams. Mama was the one who yelled. She's been doing that a lot lately. She's been having dreams about another reality, at least I think it's another reality. I'm not too sure and neither is anyone else. She thinks it's the future, her future, that she's seeing. She hasn't said it out loud but I see the fear in her eyes whenever Mom asks her about the dreams, and I know it's what she's thinking. I guess she had another dream and Mom's pushing her to talk about it. She thinks she's helping, but she's just making things worst.

I wish aunt Willow would hurry up and figure out what the fuck has been going on. Nothing can ever be peaceful around here for too long without something royally fucked up coming along and ruining it for everyone. My parents definitely set the mood for the house, especially Mom. If she isn't happy then no one is happy, and when they fight the air gets so thick with tension you can almost cut it with a knife. But the bad thing about it is if their voices are loud enough to wake me up then it means they woke up the other two. I sleep like a damn rock, Addy and Joey are pretty light sleepers.

I hear footsteps on the stairs and I sigh. That's mostly likely Mama going out to the garage. She's been going out there the last couple nights and getting completely shit-faced. She tries to hide it, but I know she's doing it, and Mom knows she's doing it. Addy and Joey are still too young, but they know something's wrong. They're little not stupid. When I was little I always knew when they were fighting. Not just because of the yelling and the door slamming. I could just tell. When they fight they're tense around each other until they make up. They try not to fight in front of us, and they try to keep their voices down, and sometimes they do. But we can always tell the next day because they don't act like themselves.

They don't fight as much as they used to. I remember a couple years ago, right before Nick and Alex were born I thought they were going to get a divorce. They were always fighting, and they didn't even try to hide it. But then that demon kidnapped Mom and it scared the hell out of both of them. She almost died, even after I killed the demon she had that stuff inside of her. Aunt Willow had to do some spells before we went back to the hotel room to purge Mom's system. I guess a near death experience will make you more willing to work things out. I don't want anything bad to happen to my parents but I kinda wish they'd have another one so they'll stop being stupid and get along again.

There's more footsteps in the hallway, but they're light. Definitely not either of my moms'. I look over at my door and I wait. I was wondering when she was going to sneak out of her bed and come in here. She gets scared when my moms fight, and she's been coming in here. Usually not all night, but she has fallen asleep in here before. I hear the doorknob jiggle a little bit and I shake my head. Most of the time I just want her to leave me alone, but I kinda like that she comes to me after our moms fight, or when she has a nightmare. It makes me feel, important, I guess. I don't know, it's hard to explain.

"Brother," I hear her whisper from the doorway. She opens the door just enough to slip inside, and then she instantly closes it. She looks over at me, but I guess she can't tell that my eyes are open. "Brother, are you awake?" I can tell just by her voice that she's been crying. I hate what my parents' fighting is doing to her. I hate it when she cries. I don't know why I feel the strong need to protect her. Mama thinks it's because I'm the man of the house, but I doubt it. I don't feel this way about Joey. With Addison it's like I have to make sure she's ok, and if she's not then I have to do everything in my power to fix it.

"Yeah Addy, I'm awake," I tell her and sit up a little bit. She runs across the floor and jumps on the foot of my bed. She crawls up the bed and gets under the covers. She can be very intrusive when she wants to be. She scoots closer until she's pressed right against me and I wrap an arm around her. She starts crying again and I gently rub her back. She's so small, and her whole body is shaking. She usually isn't like this, but tonight the fight was really loud. They said a lot of cuss words, and called each other a lot of really bad names too. "It's ok, Addy, please stop crying. They're not fighting anymore." Yeah I know how lame that sounds.

"They were still scary," she sobs and wraps her arms around me and squeezes really tight. If she was doing this to a normal person they wouldn't be able to breathe. And she's right, they were scary. I hate it when they fight, and I really hate it when they get that angry when they fight. It wasn't just the yelling, and the cussing, and the name calling. It sounded like one of 'em slammed something against the wall, or maybe punched it. That's the worst because it makes all the walls shake. Well, maybe not all of them but all of the ones up here.

I hear footsteps on the stairs and I tense up. I know it's Mama because she's coming up the stairs. I don't know what she's going to do. Usually when she goes out to the garage she stays down there all night. I know it isn't Mom because she's in her room crying. She's trying to be quiet, but I can hear her. I let my slayer senses crawl and I can feel Mama. She gets to the top of the stairs and walks down the hall. She stops in front of Addy's room. What the hell? She walks inside but then walks back out. I guess she saw that Addy isn't in her bed. I can hear her footsteps getting closer and I tense up even more. I tighten my grip on Addy but she doesn't notice. She's too busy crying.

"Hey," she whispers when she opens the door. She turns on the hall light and it leaks into my room. Her eyes are red, and her face is all blotching. Yep, she was crying. She doesn't smell like alcohol though. She walks closer and sits down on the edge of my bed. I don't say anything even though I want to. I want to tell her to stop being stupid. That she should just tell Mom whatever it was she saw in the dream and apologize for saying all of those mean things. But I know if I do then she'll get pissed at me, and then we'll start fighting. She slowly reaches out and picks Addy up. She holds her really closer to her body, and Addy wraps her arms around Mama's neck, and cries against her shoulder.

"Shh, baby it's ok. Mama's got you, shhh." She gets up and walks out of the room, and shuts the door. I hear her walking down the stairs. What the hell is she doing? I have to know, I can't just sit here. I get up and silently walk across the room. I open the door and peek out. Mom's still in her room, and I know she isn't going to come out for the rest of the night. Then again I thought Mama was going to drink herself to sleep so you never know. I slowly creep down the stairs and I can hear Addy crying. The sound is coming from the living room so that's where I go. I avoid the squeaky floorboard, and stand in the doorway.

Mama's sitting on the couch, with Addy cradled up against her. She's slowly rocking back and forth and rubbing Addy's back. She's crying too, but she isn't sobbing like Addy is. There are tears running down her cheeks and her bottom lip is kinda quivering. What the hell was in that dream? Does something bad happen to Addy? Does she get sick again? Now I really want to know what the fuck she saw inside her mind. I take a couple steps into the room and she looks up at me. She doesn't say anything, she doesn't look mad or anything. She just looks away and keeps rubbing Addy's back.

"What did you see?" I ask in a whisper. She doesn't look at me, but I know she heard me because her shoulders are tense. I walk closer to her but stop so I'm standing in the middle of the room. "Mama, what did you see?" She wraps her arms a little tighter around my sister but she still doesn't look at me. I sit down on the couch next to her and just stare at her face. I know it's only a matter of time before she'll look at me. "Mama, what did you see?" I'm not going to let this go. I don't care if this is the reason my parents were fighting, and she's really upset now. This has something to do with Addison and I'm going to find out what.

"Matthew, you need to get back to bed, right now," she says with her stern 'do what I say or suffer the consequences' voice. But I don't move. She sighs and stops rocking. Addy isn't crying as loud as she was before. I guess she's starting to fall asleep. It's really late and I'm surprised she isn't asleep already. She finally looks over at me and she's trying to look intimidating but the tears aren't really helping. "You need to go back to bed." I just look at her dead in the eyes and I don't move.

"No. Not until you tell me what happened." She looks away, and she gets this look on her face like someone just smacked her. "I know it has something to do with Addy. What is it?" She looks at Addy and smiles a little bit. She gently kisses her on the cheek and runs her fingers through her curly hair. She must be asleep. I look at her for a few seconds and I can't help but smile. Addy's a little devil when she's awake, but she always looks so peaceful when she's asleep. "Mama, tell me what happens to her."

"You're going to bed right now. It doesn't matter what happened, because it's just a dream. It's not the future, it isn't going to come true. So go back to bed." She leans against the back of the couch and closes her eyes. I just watch her and I can tell she's getting irritated. Her eyebrows are furrowed and she's frowning. "Go to bed Matthew." I roll my eyes and get up. She isn't going to tell me, I don't know why I bothered. They never tell me anything that's important. They just treat me like some fucking kid. Well, I'm not a kid, I'm a slayer. If I were at the school I'd be treated with respect. I'd get to go patrolling, and help out whenever a big bad comes to town. I wouldn't have to put up with shit like this.

I climb the stairs and start walking towards my bedroom. I can hear my mom crying though, and it hurts. What is it about hearing your mom cry that makes a knot build up in your chest? I feel like I want to hit something. I go into my room and have to force myself not to slam the door. I lay back down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling. This is so fucked up. What the hell did she see? Aunt Willow and aunt Sky need to figure this shit out. I know they're all excited because aunt Sky's pregnant and aunt Willow's always wanted a baby. So I know it's a big deal, but they really need to figure this out first before they start making plans. I guess they don't see it that way since they haven't done anything. I still feel like I need to hit something.

DPOV

It's been a week and I haven't heard from him. One week ago tonight I told someone that they've been a father for the last three years and I haven't heard from him since. It's not like it went over well. He made no promises to call or stop by. I told him to think about it, and then get a hold of me when he comes to a decision. He either decided he doesn't want to be a dad, or he still hasn't decided what to do. At this point I don't know which one is worst. I want him to be there for his sons just like any dad should, but if he doesn't think he can handle it then I think it would be better that he just stays away. I don't want him to come into our lives and have the boys get attached to him if he's going to just walk out on us. I mean, them. If he's going to just walk out on them.

"Mommy why you crying?" Nick asks and puts one of his hands on my thigh. Shit, I was hoping he would stay in the living room and play with his toys. Why do kids always have to come looking for you if they think you've been gone too long? I look down at him and he has the cutest little expression on his face. I look away and wipe my tears away. I've been crying for a good half hour now. They both know that something's wrong. I never do the dishes by hand unless I'm upset. "Mommy are you sad?" He sounds so concerned and it's the cutest thing I've ever heard. I look down at him when all of my tears are gone and I give him a small smile. It doesn't do anything to reassure him. If anything it irritates him.

"No sweetie, I'm not sad. Mommy just doesn't feel too good." It isn't a complete lie. I feel like shit right now. I guess I kind of got my hopes up about Michael calling, and now that it's been a week that hope is slowly starting to die. It isn't just the fact that he hasn't called, but all of this is reminding how it felt to be abandoned by my dad. I mean, he came over once, and we went to his place for one summer and that was it. When Mom got sick he never called us back. He didn't come to her funeral or anything. I was so mad at him about that. I know their marriage didn't work out and the final straw was him cheating on her, but I always thought that he cared about her deep down. Or that he at least cared about us. I guess I was completely wrong about that. I have abandonment issues, so what?

"Yes you are Mommy. You're sad. Why are you sad?" He just doesn't give up does he? He's either a slayer which is completely impossible or he just inherited Buffy's stubbornness. I can't believe my kid takes after my sister. It's so weird. I guess he could get it from my mom. She was really stubborn when she wanted to be. I dry my hands off with the dishtowel and step away from the sink. I pick my little boy up and prop him on my hip. They're both getting big, a little too big to be picking them up like this. He slowly raises his hand to my face and touches my nose with his fingertips. I hate that my nose turns really red whenever I cry. "You look like Rudolph, Mommy." He smiles and laughs a little bit and it makes me smile.

"I do, huh?" I ask and he nods his head. I give him a kiss on the tip of his nose and he squeals. I take him into the living room and sit down on the couch. Alex is sitting on the floor playing with is blocks. God, he loves those blocks. I've spent so much money on all different kinds of toys for them to play with and Alex won't touch anything but the blocks. "Hey little man, wanna come up here and cuddle with Mommy?" One of my favorite things to do is cuddle with my kids. He nods his head and stands up. I don't think I pay enough attention to them because whenever I ask them if they want to cuddle they always get excited and instantly stop what they're doing. It's not like I'm ignore them or anything. It's just my work keeps me very busy and sometimes I have to bring stuff home to get it finished before a deadline.

Anyway, I rearrange Nick so he's sitting on my right thigh and I have one arm wrapped around him. Alex climbs up on the couch and sits down next to me. Now he's a lot different from Nick in the sense that he doesn't like to be crowded. Like right now, Nick is sitting on my thigh, pressed up against my chest and he's holding my arm so it's pressed against him. The most Alex is going to let me do is wrap my arm around back and let my hand rest on his side. He has his moments where he'll want me to hold him and give him kisses but those are few and far between. I like that my kids are so different. Just because they're twins it doesn't mean they're going to act the same, and I'm glad that they're individuals. How come it seems like every time you settle in and get all comfy someone rings the doorbell?

"You two stay here, Mommy needs to answer the door." I get up and turn on the TV and switch it over to cartoons. That's the only way Nick will stay put for longer then five minutes. And even then there's no guarantee that he won't come out to see who it is. He's a curious kid, which is good, but sometimes it's a pain in the ass. The doorbell rings again and instantly I'm irritated. "I'm coming!" God, I can't believe I just said that out loud. I know I didn't mean anything by it but it just sounds wrong. Normally I'm not this gutter minded, but it's been a long time since I've had any and trust me I'm wanting it. Anyway, I open the door and my jaw literally drops open in surprise.

"Hey," he says and gets a little bashful smile on his face. "Is now a bad time?" What the fuck? Why is he here? How did he find out my address? Well, that one's easy he probably called Willow or something. But I don't get it, why is he here? "I can go if you want. I'm sure you're busy what with having your own clothing company and all." How does he know about that? Has he been keeping tabs on me or something? This is really freaky, and I just need a minute to think.

"I'm not busy," I breathe out more then I say. "You can come in if you want. I just need to take care of something first." I stand back and let him walk into my home. Seeing him again is...odd and I'm still not too sure what to think. I leave him in the foyer and walk into the living room. He isn't following me which is good. I really don't need the boys questioning me on this. And trust me they would have lots of questions. "Ok, you two it's bed time." They both whine and carry on but they get up and start marching towards the stairs. I go back into the foyer and just look at him. He looks different. I can't tell what it is yet, but I know he looks different. "The kitchen's that way." I tell him and point to the doorway behind him. "Just wait for me in there." He nods his head and we walk in the opposite direction.

I head up the stairs and firs into Nick's room. I'm very surprised to see that he's actually getting ready for bed. I guess I had a no-nonsense tone when I told them it was bed time. Anyway, I help him change into his pajamas and tuck him in. I know I'm skipping the whole brushing their teeth thing but I can always have them do it a little longer in the morning. There are more pressing issues at the moment. After I tell him goodnight and that I love him I go into Alex's room. I'm not surprised to see that not only is he dressed but he's already sitting on his bed waiting for me. This kid is a Godsend or something. Anyway, so I tuck him in, tell him goodnight and that I love him and I head back downstairs.

How can he just show up here? I mean, there's been no phone call, no e-mail no nothing, and then he just shows up out of the blue. What does he want? What does he expect from me? I have no fricking clue, and I hate that I feel so lost. Anyway, I slowly walk down the stairs and yes I am trying to stall. I want to compose myself a little more before I go into the kitchen. I've never felt so blind sided. Ok, well finding out that I'm a mystical key was a bigger deal then this, but they're about the same. So I get down the stairs, and walk down the little hallway and into the kitchen. He's sitting at the table and looking just as great as he always did before. I really wish he didn't look so good. It would make me feel better about myself.

"So, Kyle, I don't mean to sound rude, but what the hell are you doing here?" I ask and cross my arms over my chest. He looks up at me with a little bit of guilt on his face and it makes my resolve weaken just a little. I know that I fucked up big time when it comes to him, but if he thinks he can just show up at my house unexpected then he has another thing coming. He clears his throat and I think he looks a little nervous. I've never seen him look like that before and it's freaking me out a little.

"I'm sorry I just stopped by like this. I knew if I called you'd just hang up, or at least I thought you would." He's right, I probably would. Not out of anger, but because of shock. Seriously, I thought he was out of my life forever. "But I couldn't stay away any longer." He goes to speak some more but I interrupt. I may have changed a lot since Sunnydale but I'm still me. And I always get a word in even if no one wants to hear it.

"It's been three years. You packed up while I was in the hospital and I haven't heard from you since. Three years, Kyle." I sound mad as hell, and I would keep talking but I don't know what else to say. He looks down at his hands for a few seconds, maybe a few minutes I'm not so sure. Time doesn't really have any meaning anymore. He looks up at me and he still looks guilty. He hasn't stood up yet and I know it's because he wants to be as nonthreatening as possible. I know that he would never physically hurt me but sometimes he can be intimidating because of his height and the fact that his eyes change color when he's pissed.

"I know how long it's been." Now he's getting a little irritated. "I know you probably moved on already. But I didn't come here tonight looking for a fight. I came here because I've been going crazy from the last three years because I miss you so damn much. I know I freaked before when I found out about the babies, but we can work passed that. Do you think there's any chance at all that we can be together again? That we can start a family just like we always talked about?" He wants to start a family with me? He doesn't get it, he just doesn't get it.

"I already have a family, Kyle. I have two beautiful boys that I love more then anything. I know what I did was fucked up. We were going to get married and I still did what I did, but I wouldn't take it back for the world because it gave me my sons. I'm different then I was back in Redding. I'm not the same woman you lived with and I don't know if we can be together or not." We're quiet for a few minutes and we just look at each other. It's a little weird, and I'm getting cold chills down my back, but I'm not going to look away first. Then he sighs and runs his hands through his hair.

"Does Michael know about the boys?" he asks and looks up at me again. I have no idea what is running through his mind, but I have to be honest with him. I nod my head yes and he sighs again. "Look, I don't know if I can stand seeing him. All I know is I want a second chance with you." But will he be able to be around my sons? I won't date anyone who can't be good to my kids, that's why I haven't even thought about dating again. I'm too afraid I'm going to find someone I really like, but they won't be able to handle the single mom thing. I sigh and sit down at the table. I look over at him and try to remember what it was like when we were dating. It's been so long and so much has changed that it's hard.

"I don't know if we can be together again." When Michael showed up on my doorstep three years ago I instantly felt all of the feelings I used to have for him. Everything came rushing back and it made me speechless for a few seconds. When he went to leave and I looked up into his dark eyes I felt like I was back in high school and we were about to have our first kiss. But I don't feel any of my old feelings that I had for Kyle. I know they were real, and they were strong, but they're gone now. "There's just a lot going on right now and I don't know if I can't handle it all. Just give me a couple of days to think, ok? I just need to think about it." He nods his head and teleports out of the house. And just like that he's gone. All that's left is a swirling cloud of smoke. Why me? Why is this happening to me? I guess I have a lot of thinking to do. I better get started. God, I feel like I need to hit something.

BPOV

SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1I can't believe some of the things she said to me. It's like I mean nothing to her anymore. I know I pushed her to tell me what she saw, but that's only because she woke up and she couldn't breathe, and she was having like a panic attack or something. She's never woken up like that before from any dream. Even after she calmed down she still looked really freaked out. So I asked but she was quiet, and I kept asking until she finally snapped at me. I know that I shouldn't have snapped back but she said something that hurt. When she's on the defensive she doesn't think before she just lashes out with the verbal punches.

But we've been fighting a lot lately. I guess the dreams are getting worst and more frequent. I don't know what she keeps seeing, but she doesn't want to talk about them, and I didn't push. Tonight I pushed and I got pushed back. She left just like she does every night. She goes out to the garage with her stash of Jack Daniels and drinks herself to sleep. She tries to act like she doesn't, tries to pretend that all she does in the garage is sleep but she can't fool me. She can fool Addison and Joseph, but Matthew and I both know what she's doing. That's what I hate most about all this fighting. It's affecting our children and our lives and I hate that there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I hear a creak in the hallway and I look up. Is she coming back up here? She never comes back upstairs at least not until the morning. I listen a little more closely but she doesn't walk to the end of the hall where our bedroom is. She's stopping at one of the kids' rooms. Either Joseph or Addison I can't tell. I get up and walk over to the door. I open it very slowly and peek out. I don't see her so she must've gone into the room. I don't know if I should just stay in here or not. I'm sure she's still pissed off. But this is my house too dammit, I shouldn't have to stay in my room like some little kid.

I start to walk down the hall, but I stop when I hear something. She's crying, but she's trying not to. She's in so much pain, I can feel it through our slayer connection. How did I not feel it before? Right, I was too busy being a pushy bitch to concentrate on her pain. I walk up to Addison's room and look inside. My baby girl's asleep, and Faith is sitting on the edge of the bed, lightly stroking her hair and trying so hard not to cry. Her whole body is shaking and the scene is breaking my heart. I know she's seen the kids in her dreams but so far they haven't been about the kids. They've been about our failed marriage.

Faith thinks they're glimpses into her future. That some higher being is trying to warn her about the choices she makes now so she can stop herself from becoming that. I'm not too sure what they are. I don't want to think that they're our future. I don't want to become some bitter woman in a failed marriage, just standing by and staying together for the kids while my wife cheats on me with some twenty-something year old skank. I don't know what I would do if Faith ever did cheat on me. I'm not going to try and think about it. I like the think that the dreams she's having are from some demon fucking her with mind. Or maybe they're from an alternate reality or something. I know my Faith would never cheat on me.

I walk into the room and stand next to her. She doesn't even look up. She's just watching our baby girl sleep, and stroking her hair. I rest my hand on Faith's shoulder and she makes this wet gurgling noise, and I know she's trying to hold back a sob. I slowly reach down and hold onto her free hand. Without saying a word I pull her to her feet and lead her out of the room. She's too broken right now to fight me. We walk in silence down the hall and into our bedroom. I close the door and lead her over to the bed. We sit down on the edge of it, and I wrap my arms around her.

I don't say anything, I just hold her. If I knew she had a dream about one of the kids I know I wouldn't have pushed her so much to tell me. She's so afraid that she's going to end up like her mom. Even after all of these years she's still scared that she's going to end up being an abusive alcoholic. We don't even spank our children, at least not very often. I keep telling her she has nothing to worry about, but she doesn't agree with me. It's just an insecurity she's had ever since she was a teenager and it isn't going to go away just because I say otherwise.

"Baby it's going to be ok," I whisper into her ear. It doesn't stop the sobs, or the shaking and I know that she just needs to let it all out. Afterwards she might want to talk, she may even tell me what she saw but there is no way I'm going to push for it. I gently rub her back and she wraps her arms tightly around me. This is how it's supposed to be. We aren't supposed to be fighting all the time and then sleeping alone. We're supposed to be here for one another, and now we're finally doing it. I'm not glad that she's upset. I hate seeing her like this because I want her to be happy. I'm just glad that we've finally stopped with the fighting and I can comfort her. It feels good to not be fighting.

"Faithy, it's gonna be alright. None of it is real. I know you think it's the future, but we don't know that for sure. It could just be some demon putting those things inside your mind to weaken you." I know she doesn't want to hear it right now, or at least I think she doesn't, but I have to try and calm her down. If she keeps crying like this then she's going to be sick. "Babe it's going to be ok. Whatever it is we'll get through it together. I'm here for you, sweetie, I'm right here." I don't know how much time passes but she finally starts to calm down. I pull back a little bit so I can look at her and I have to admit that she looks pretty horrible. I'm sure I look gross too because I was crying earlier.

"It's not going to be ok," she says and coughs a little. I gently rub her back and she looks so tired. She has dark circles under her eyes and she looks like she's about to drop. I keep rubbing her back and she buries her face in my neck. It's a little strange holding her like. Normally it's the other way around. But I'm not going to stop just because it feels strange. Faith needs me, and I'm going to be here for her.

"Yes it is, baby. We just need to stay calm, and soon Willow and Sky are going to figure out what's going on, and they'll figure out how to make the dreams stop." She shakes her head and sniffles very loudly. She pulls away from me and looks into my eyes. She has so much pain in hers, and it makes me stop breathing for a few seconds. How did I not see it before? I think earlier she was on the defensive, and she wouldn't let me see the pain. But whatever it is that she saw has worn down her wall and she's letting me in a little.

"It's not the dreams," she says and sniffles again. She has some stray tears making their way down her cheeks, but her sobs have disappeared. "It's what I did in the dream." She stops talking. She looks down at her lap and wipes away the tears on her face. I slowly reach out a rest a hand on her knee. She doesn't look up, and she doesn't start talking again. She just sits there, broken and hurting. I scoot closer and wrap my arms around her again. She hugs me back and we just sit here in silence. If it still hurts her too much to talk about it then she doesn't have to. I know she wants to tell me, and she will when she's ready.

When did things get so wrong? I remember before she started having these dreams we were happy. We talked all the time about everything. We would go shopping together, and take the kids to the park. We would stay up late making love, and then just lie together afterwards. It's like we didn't need to talk because we were so in tune with each other. Now all we do is fight and then pretend like everything is ok so hopefully the kids won't pick up on it. They're not stupid, and they're not deaf. I know they know we fight a lot. Matthew and Addison won't talk about it in front of us at least, but Joseph is only three and he'll ask us why we were mad.

This situation just isn't fair for anybody. I want Willow and Sky to hurry up and find an answer, but it isn't fair for them. Sky's pregnant for the first time, they should be spending their time figuring out how they're going to decorate the nursery, and then go shopping for all of the baby stuff. But none of that stuff is happening. Willow is spending all of her time researching and Sky helps out a lot but she's pregnant and she can't push her body too much or she could hurt herself or the baby. I know that things are strained between them right now. That's what Willow told me the last time we talked. It's only been a week and things are going to hell in a hand basket.

I very carefully push her off me. I scoot back on the bed until I'm leaning against the headboard. Then I look into her eyes and hold my arms out. She smiles a very small smile and crawls into my arms. I hold her, and kiss her forehead and just listen to her breathe. The person this isn't fair on the most is Faith. She had a horrible life growing up, so many bad things have happened not only in her childhood, but even in our life together. She doesn't deserve any of it. Even if she thinks she does because of the bad choices she made in Sunnydale, she doesn't. She deserves happiness, not this mess.

I wonder if this is connected to the dreams that Addison used to have a couple years ago. She was dreaming about these slayers being murdered. Willow found out what was really going on, and we put a stop to it. Ok, she and Faith put a stop to it, but I was there so I get a little credit. It just seems a little weird that Addison would have those bad dreams, and now Faith is having these freaky 'glimpses into the future'. Who is doing this to her, and why? Those are the questions that I want answers to so I can put a stop to it. We may not be getting along very well, but I'll do anything for Faith. I'll do anything to make sure that she's happy. I just want us to be happy. This isn't on any one of us. I just want things to be normal for more then a couple of months. Is it too much to ask for a normal life?

FPOV

We've been lying on the bed now for about an hour. I know she isn't asleep because every once in a while she'll kiss me on my forehead. You'd think I'd be annoyed by it but I'm not. I like that she's being all touchy feeling right now. This is exactly what I needed. Normally I'd be curled up with a bottle of JD, drink myself to sleep, and wake up with a massive hang over. I have a massive headache from crying, but I feel better now then I have all week. After what happened in that dream I really don't think I could handle another night alone. It's only been one week and I'm on the verge of a breakdown. What the fuck is wrong with me? How come I'm can't be stronger then this thing?

Everything was going good tonight too. Buffy and I didn't fight all day, and we fell asleep in each other's arms. But then I had that dream and now everything is fucked up. It's not so much the dream. I guess it was pretty normal. Addy was being a pest like she always is in the dreams. She was whining more then normal because she wanted to go out with her boyfriend. She's dating this total creep, and I know she's only going out with him to get under Buffy's skin. He's some football jock who gets in trouble a lot. That girl loves to get under B's skin. It's almost like Buffy's jealous because the future me pays more attention to Addy, and Addy knows that her mom is jealous and she likes to rub her face in it whenever she can.

I don't know if that's true or not. That's just what I think. She's a little different when Mattie is around. Oh no, he likes to be called Matt now. He's like that in my dreams too. Anyway, when her big brother is around Addy is completely different. It's like the whole world revolves around him and she doesn't notice anything else. It was nice to see that at least one thing is still the same. But Matt wasn't in this dream. It was just me and Addy. I don't think I'm ever going to forget what happened. Buffy can tell me it was only a dream until the metaphorical cows come home. Whenever I have a dream like that I control what I do. And this time I lost that control and it's my fault. Nothing anyone can say is going to make that less true.

I sigh a little bit and snuggle into Buffy a little more. I am definitely the butch of this relationship, but it's nice to be taken care of every once in a while. And right now I definitely need it. I've been trying to deal with everything on my own and lying to myself about how much help I really need. I was drowning. I can totally see that now. Drowning in a sea of booze and denial. And I know this is going to sound totally corny, but Buffy pulled me out of it. I said some really fucked up things to her and I'm surprised she didn't lock herself in our room and cry herself to sleep. I don't know what I'd be doing right now if she had. I'd either be in Addy's room watching her sleep, or in the garage killing my liver. I can't decide which one.

"Want me to get you a tissue?" I hear Buffy whisper and I can't help but smile. Leave it up to her to break the silence. God I love her so much. I don't know why I can't just remember that when I think I need to deal with shit on my own. I know she can help me feel better. At least I hope she can help me feel better. Just laying with her like this has calmed me down a lot, but I don't know if the talking is going to help or not. I already know it won't. I know I have to talk about it with her. I have to tell her everything that happened. I'm just not ready yet.

"I'm good, thanks." She tightens her grip on me a little it and it makes me smile even more. I know this is going to sound just as corny as the her saving me thing, but it's like I can finally breathe again now that I'm wrapped up in her arms all safe and secure. This is exactly what I needed, no doubt about that. I know that this safe, secure feeling isn't going to last long. When I tell her what I did I don't know if she's going to look at me the same again. I don't know if I'm going to be able to look at myself the same again. I haven't looked in any mirrors so I don't know. She starts to run her fingers through my hair and I let out a little sigh. I love it when she plays with my hair. I always have.

"Baby," she whispers and her fingers stop moving. Damn, did she have to stop messing with my hair? "Don't get mad, I'm not trying to push you or anything, but do you want to get a little more comfortable in case you feel like talking? I thought we could turn out the light and get under the covers." That actually sounds like a good idea, but I don't want to leave her arms. I sigh a little and shift around. Being under the covers would be nice though because the AC is on and it's getting cold in here. At the same time I really don't want to get up. "You don't have to talk about the dream, but an answer to my question would be nice." I smile a little and hold back a laugh. I don't know why I want to laugh, that wasn't even funny.

"Maybe I'll wanna talk in a little bit, but not right now. Being under the covers sounds good. It's getting cold in here." I sit up and she lets go of me. I look down at her and smile a kinda sad smile. Her face is red, and her eyes are swollen. She was definitely crying before she pulled me out of Addy's room. And she was crying because of me. I called her a bunch of horrible names, and told her to just back off. I told her that I can deal with it, and if I wanted to talk ten I'd talk. Not all of it is my fault. She wouldn't back off when I was still trying to be nice. That's no excuse for what I said to her. I should have just ignored her and left the room. Not very mature but at least she wouldn't have cried.

Anyway, we both get off the bed and I crawl under the covers. She turns out the lights and then lies down next to me. I look into her eyes for a minute or two and then she gives me this soft, little half smile. You know the one I'm talking about. Her 'I'm sexy but I'm acting like I don't know I'm sexy'. That smile. Doesn't really seem appropriate right now, but she knows it cheers me up. Then she slowly reaches out and puts her hand on my cheek. The touch brings me back to reality, I guess. I know that we have to talk about what I saw. I know that I need to apologize for all the mean things I said to her. I know I have to do it, but that doesn't make me want to.

"I guess we should get this party started, huh?" I ask and smile a little bit. She smiles to, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "In the dreams, Addy is completely spoiled by me. I can tell that you get irritated whenever she asks for something, and she only asks me for stuff. I guess the dream me will give into whatever she wants, but I don't. She gets so mad that she'll scream and stomp off to her room and slam the door and she'll yell out that she hates me. I don't let it get to me though, because the other me is always telling her yes." I stop and think back to everything that I did. It brings tears to my eyes and I have to force them back.

"She's been seeing this guy, this total asshole football jock. I've met him before, and I know that he only wants her for sex. I don't know if they've done anything but it doesn't matter, 'cause I know his type." I look away because now I'm getting to the part that's getting under my skin. This is the part that I know she's going to hate me for. I hate myself for it. You have no idea how much I want to go back and redo that dream. No fuckin clue. "And tonight she wanted to go out with him on a date. And she was dressed up really nice and I just knew that they were going to sleep together. Just the way she was acting gave it away." I know B wants me to look into her eyes, but there's no way in hell I'm going to do that.

"I wasn't just gonna let her go out and get fucked by some jock, so I told her she couldn't go out. She got so mad, and she started screaming at me. She told me I was ruining her life and that she was going out even if I don't want her to. I told her to shut her mouth and go to her room. Then she told me to go fuck myself. I started to yell at her again when her boyfriend pulled up in the driveway and honked his horn. She tried to leave, but I grabbed onto her arm. She pushed me back and then hit me. Not hard or anything, just a little smack on the arm. But I got so pissed off. She doesn't respect me at all, and kids are supposed to respect their parents, you know?" I don't look up but I know she nodded her head.

"She tried to walk away again but I grabbed her by the arm…." I trail off because this is the part that I don't want to say. Buffy gently caresses my cheek with her thumb. I look into her eyes and I don't see anything but love, and concern. I sigh and fight back the lump that's trying to form in my throat. I take in a deep breath that's supposed to calm me down, but it doesn't do a whole lot of help. "I grabbed her by the arm and bent her over the back of the couch. She was yelling at me to let her go, but I was so pissed that I wouldn't listen to her. I grabbed her skirt and lifted it up and then ripped off her underwear. Then I took off my belt and…and I…." I can't talk anymore. Just remembering what it was like to hear by baby girl scream while I whipped the belt across her bare ass. I just can't describe that to Buffy.

"Then I stopped when I finally realized what I was doing. I let go of her and she just collapsed to the floor. She was crying so hard that she was coughing, and she almost got sick. All I could do was just stand there and watch her. Then you walked in the room and started screaming at me, and that's when I woke up." I have tears running down my face, and I'm having a hard time breathing. "It was so horrible, Buffy. I tried so hard not to, but it doesn't matter. I become my mother. I beat on my baby. I'm just like her." I start crying harder then I've ever cried before. This is why I was so pissed off. This is why I didn't want to talk. No matter what I do I'm going to be just like my mom. Just look at what I've done so far. All week I've been drinkin Jack Daniels like it's the elixir of life. Now it's only a matter of time before I freak out and beat one of my kids.

"Faith," Buffy says but I don't look at her. I don't want her to see this. I don't want her to see the monster I'm becoming. "Faith, look at me." I still don't look at her. So she gently tilts my chin up, but I don't look her in the eyes. "Faith this is important, please look at me." I feel her wiping away my tears as I continue to sob. I can feel her eyes on me and I know she isn't going to go away. I open my eyes a little bit and try to look at her but the tears are making it hard. "Faith you are not going to become your mother. What you saw is just some dream, it isn't real. You don't even spank them Faith. You are not going to beat on our babies." I start crying hard again, mostly because I don't believe her even though I want to. Why can't I just have a normal life?


	68. Be Kind, Rewind

**Three Days Later**. FPOV

So after I had my big break down a couple days ago me and B both decided that we need a break from all this shit. Willow and Sky are no where near finding an answer for me so we told them to take a few days off from the research. And here's the really cool part. Since it's Mattie, and Addy's summer vacation, and there isn't a lot of it left we decided it would be nice for us to take a break too. Just a little weekend getaway. My dad said that he can run the shop for a few days. Buffy called everyone in her self defense class and told them that she's shutting it down for a few days. We didn't even make any plans. We just packed a few bags, grabbed the kids, hopped in the car and started driving.

It only took us an hour to cross the California border, and we headed towards the coast. Buffy didn't want to go to LA though because she knew she'd be too tempted to go shopping, and we don't have a lot of extra money right now. We made a few stops along the way, took some pictures, and got something to eat. It took us eight hours to get to Monterey and that's where we are now. I want to go to the beach, but it's too crowded. I so want to learn how to surf. But I guess that isn't going to be happening this year. Oh well, I'm not going to worry about it. Now is the time for relaxation, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

We're at the hotel right now. The Holiday Inn in Monterey Bay. It's so nice to be able to just sit back and relax. Ok, so we're not one hundred percent relaxed because we still have to take care of the kids and all of that, but it's still nice. We're getting ready to go downstairs to the pool. Joey is dragging ass because he's still a little tired. He hasn't been sleeping very good the last couple of nights. He's not used to sleeping in a hotel bed. He's especially not used to sharing a bed. We rented adjoining rooms. One for me and B, and one for the kids. Mattie has his own bed, and Addy and Joey are sharing one. They're queen sized beds, but still he's not used to sharing. Addy doesn't seem to mind, which is weird.

Mattie got into some trouble yesterday. Well, at least with his mom. I was so proud I could barely hide the smile on my face. There's this girl that's staying a couple rooms down with her mom and dad. The first day we were here they met in the lobby and flirted a little bit and I thought it was the cutest thing ever. Buffy did too but she got all high and mighty because Mattie has a girlfriend and B doesn't want him to do something he'll regret. Well, yesterday we were down by the pool and he left to use the bathroom and when I went back to the room to get the sun block I found them sitting at the foot of his bed, and they were making out. And not just making out. When I opened the door she was unzipping his shorts. My boy was going to get himself some head.

"Ok, are we all ready?" B asks in a very enthusiastic tone and picks up the tote bag. Joey nods his head and holds onto her hand. "Faith, don't forget to put your rings in the duffle bag." Right, I totally forgot to do that. Whenever we go swimming we take our wedding rings off so they don't fall off and get lost down the drain or something. So I take off my wedding band and engagement ring and put them in the duffle bag. I feel naked without them, and not in a good way. I look over and Addy is still sitting on my bed looking completely bored. I pick her up and throw her over my shoulder, and she starts cracking up like it's the funniest thing in the world.

"Alright, B, we're good to go," I say and pinch the back of Addy's thighs. She starts squealing and kicking and squirming around but I got a good hold on her. Even though she's only six she's really strong. She's probably going to be the strongest slayer of all time. That makes me so proud that I can't even describe it, but it also makes me kinda sad because she's going to have a big burden on her shoulders. I know that there are thousands of other slayers, and with every generation there seems to be more and more, but I know my kids are never going to have normal lives. Even if they wanted to, the slayer blood is so thick in their veins that they won't be able to ignore their calling. "Does that tickle? Huh, huh? Does it tickle?" My voice is very light and sing-songy, and I pinch her thighs a couple more times.

"Yeah Mama, it does!" she squeals and reaches back to try and grab my hands. "Stop Mama, stop!" Well, fine then, ruin my fun why don't you. I stop tickling her and set her down on the ground. She has a big smile on her face and she's still giggling a little bit. "Come on, Brother. We gotta go before everyone else gets there!" She runs over to Mattie and starts pulling on his arm. He's sitting in a chair in the corner of the room and being all broody. He totally gets that from Buffy. I don't brood. I think deeply from time to time, but I don't brood. Anyway, the reason he's being so broody is because that girl left earlier this morning. She stopped by to say goodbye to him. Apparently they were on vacation here from Ohio, so there's a good chance they'll never see each other again. They're only thirteen so whatever.

"Let's get this wagon train amovin!" Joey yells and then smiles like he's just the funniest person in the world. No more watching Toy Story for him. So anyway, we leave the room and head down towards the pool. As we walk by the lobby I can't help but notice the two new people checking in. Two very hot guys and they look like they're in their early twenties. The one talking to the chick behind the desk is wearing a blue tank top and his muscles are very toned and it's a safe guess that the rest of his body is the same. He has hair that kind of spiky. I can't see his eyes from here but I really hope they're blue. His friend is nice looking too, but not as buff. He has shaggy dishwater blonde hair, and if it were up to me he'd get a hair cut. Even with the shaggy hair those are some fine lookin boys.

"Would you stop drooling and hurry up. We're waiting on you," Buffy says and I look over at her. Huh, I kinda forget she was there. I look down when I hear someone giggling and Addy is trying really hard not to laugh, but it isn't working out too well. I look at Mattie and he just rolls his eyes. Hey, I can check people out if I want. I just don't usually do it in front of B, because she's my wife, and that's really fucked up. Ok, so I guess I'm really fucked up. I try not to sigh, and I follow the others out to the pool. I find some empty lounge chairs and Buffy starts putting out stuff down. Ok, I guess this is going to be our spot for the day. I kinda wish there was some shading, but there's not. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to take a dip in the pool if I get too hot.

I should probably explain. Most of the people out here are guys. I don't want to sound like I'm braggin or anything but I do have a hot body, and I don't want these guys ogling me, especially with my kids here. They'll probably do it anyway, but not as much as they would if I were to get all wet. But the plus side is Buffy would be looking at me getting all wet, and I'd definitely put on a little bit of a show for her. We haven't had sex in fuckin forever. At least it feels like it. I so want to get some tonight. I'm sure she does too. I can see the way she's looking at me. That and she needs it. She needs sex just as much as I do.

If she goes too long without getting any she gets a little temperamental, and her hands will even shake a little. It's a little crazy how much we need sex. Slayers are built for it and it never used to bother me. Hell, I loved it, but now I have kids and the thought scares the shit outta me. Anyway, whenever B goes too long without a good roll in the hay she go stir crazy. That's when I know I need to do something before she has a fit. It almost means I need to start paying attention more. I mean, if my wife is almost havin a breakdown because we haven't had sex then I need to do something. I usually end up fucking her nice and hard against the kitchen counter, or in the shower. Sometimes we'll have sex in the bed, but I like to spice things up a bit.

Anyway, I lay down on one of the chair and pick up the bottle of tanning lotion. B and the kids are already in the water. I was in there with 'em yesterday so it's her turn today. It's not that don't like spending time with my kids, but this vacation is all about relaxing, so me and B decided we'd take turns doing stuff with the kids so one of us can relax and the kids can still have fun. So while I'm rubbing my legs down with the lotion, out of the corner of my eye I see the two guys from inside walk out. They take a good look around the pool. My breath hitches in my throat while I wait to see what they're going to do. There are two empty chairs next to mine and if they wanted they could sit here. But that would be very bad. If they sit next to me then they might flirt with me and if they do then B will get pissed.

Luckily they sit down on the other side of the pool. I grab the bottle of tanning lotion from the tote bag and put some in my hand. I think I'll start with my legs first and work my way up. I usually have Buffy do this part because it's such a turn on feeling her rub me down. Anyway, as I rub the lotion on I can feel someone eye's on me. I look up but I don't see anybody staring at me. Hmm, that's weird. They probably just looked away. Oh well, guess it doesn't matter. If a hot chick was lotioning herself up I'd definitely watch. Well, I'd watch if B wasn't with me, otherwise I'd get a nice hard smack on the back of the head. Either that or she wouldn't put out for a couple of weeks. I hate it when she doesn't put out when I'm really worked up. That's when I have to find a quiet place to get myself off. When your wife actually catches you masturbating that's a sad day for the whole family right there.

"Hey there," I hear someone say and I look up. It's one of the guys from in the lobby. The one with the shaggy blonde hair. I say 'hi' back and he gives me a soft smile. I smile back and he doesn't go away. Um, ok, what exactly does he want? "I'm Malcolm. I noticed you weren't with anybody, and spreading that over your back might be difficult on your own. Mind if I help?" Does that line actually work on the girls his age? Because I'm totally not going to fall for that. Maybe if I were single. Then again if I were single I'd take his way hotter friend up to my room and fuck his brains out. Yeah, it's been a while since I've had some and I need it bad. He gives me another charming smile and I so want to mess with him.

"Well, I'm not with someone parse." Did I really just use the word parse? What the hell is the matter with me? I think I need to start going out more often. I'm sure that has something to do with it. Anyway, he looks a little confused, but the smile hasn't gone away. Even if he isn't that good looking I have to admit that he does have a nice smile. Back in the old days before I changed I slept with guys who had less then that. Hmm, I wonder if he has a nice ass. "But I do have a guy here with me, and he's very protective. I don't think he'd like it if you had your hands all over me." The guy thinks about that for a few seconds and his smile turns from one of soft and friendly to mischievous and lustful.

"I'm sure he won't mind if he doesn't see it. Why don't we head up to my room and get to know each other a little better?" Oh my God, this guy doesn't have any game at all. He isn't smooth or charming and I haven't bought any of his crap. Maybe if I were single I'd look at it differently but I'm so not even tempted to do anything with this guy. Now if it was his friend I'd definitely be tempted, probably even turned on a little. I'd turn him down though and then just suffer in silence until tonight. Anyway, back to messing with this guy.

"I don't know. I guess we'll have to ask him," I say and I'm laughing evilly on the inside. Just because I'm not evil anymore it doesn't mean I can't be bad every once in a while. I look over at the pool and see Mattie over by the edge talking to some girl. She looks about fifteen or sixteen and completely uninterested in anything he's saying. Poor guy doesn't even stand a chance. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter then. "Hey Matt!" He turns around and gives me a death glare. Malcolm looks over at the pool but I guess he's trying to find an older guy because he's definitely not looking at Mattie. Oh man this is going to be so great.

"Come over here for a sec!" I watch him turn back and say something to the girl. Then he effortlessly pulls him out of the pool and walks starts to walk around the pool. Out of the corner of my eye I see Malcolm's jaw drop a little but he recovers. Or at least it looks like it. He's probably freaking out on the inside. I watch as my boy walks toward us. Water is dripping down his body and I can't help but notice the girl he was talking to is watching him. I guess she sees something she likes. Maybe the uninterested act was just an act. Usually if you ignore a guy it'll make 'em work that much harder to win you over. Guys like a challenge. Anyway, Mattie stops a few feet away from me and I get a devilish smile on my face. "Malcolm here wanted to know if he could take me up to his room. Is that alright with you?" I give him a little wink and he sighs. He looks up at Malcolm and remains a blank slate.

"As long as you wear a condom. I don't want anymore siblings." Holy shit I didn't think he was going to say that! He usually just gets pissed off and walks away. I look over at Malcolm and he looks completely freaked out. I knew messing with him was a good idea. Even better now that Mattie is actually participating in the mind fucking.

"Um," Malcolm says and licks his lips. Damn he looks nervous. "That's alright. I think I'll just go sit back down." He turns and walks away and I look back up at Mattie. We lock eyes and we're quiet for a few seconds, and then we just start crackin up laughing. Oh man that was fuckin great! I'm so glad we decided to come here. Just relaxing and kickin back like we used to before those stupid dreams started to get really bad. Yep, it's definitely nice to feel free, and calm instead of worrying about what you're going to see when you fall asleep. Things feel like they used to and I can't get enough of it.

BPOV

Wow, that was amazing. Possibly the most mind blowing thing I've ever experience. Well, I wouldn't go that far but it was pretty amazing. I don't move a muscle as I lay here and try to catch my breath. I used to be so afraid that if we tried that spell with the strap on that Faith wouldn't want sex any other way, but I'm the one who's kind of addicted to it now. There's just something about the fact that she can feel me now. I mean really feel me. She goes deep inside me and can make me feel like my old self. And by my old self I don't mean the Buffy who hated life and wanted to go back to heaven, or the Buffy who was so into her vampire ex she left him get away and he ended up killing someone who was important to Giles, and the rest of us.

No, I'm talking about the fun loving Buffy who had a zest for life. When she's inside me I'm not a slayer, or a mom, or a wife, or a self defense instructor. I'm me, and she's Faith and God can Faith make me feel good. Good, and sexy, and beautiful, and like I'm the most important person in the world. I giggle a little bit when she drops her forehead onto my shoulder. I can feel her hard pants on my neck and it tickles. She lightly nips at my skin and I giggle again. God, I'm giggling like a little school girl or something. But I know she loves it. She gives my neck a couple more nips and then she pulls back just enough to look at me. Her eyes are darker then normal and she has this goofy smile on her face.

"This was such a good idea," I tell her and she nods her head. "Things were just getting too stressful, we definitely needed a break." I stretch my neck up a little bit and close the distance between our mouths. The kiss is gentle and lingering but it doesn't progress. We're both still trying to recover. I'll start something new when I get my second wind. Well, my fifth wind actually. That's right what you walked in on was round four. Our lives had gotten so plain and boring that we'd usually just come once and then go to sleep. But now there we're here we thought it would be nice to pull an all nighter. I even cast a silencing spell on the room so no sound will leave these walls, which means neither one of us has to hold back.

"Yeah, it's nice to just be like we used to," Faith says and leaves a little kiss on the tip of my nose. God, she's so sweet. I sigh a little bit when she pulls out. I feel some of the come that was trapped inside me leak out, and it's kind of icky feeling. That's the only thing that I don't like about her wearing that strap on. "Let me just put Richard away." And the fact that she named it. Why couldn't she just name my tits? That would be a lot more normal and less annoying. At least I'm pretty sure it would be. Hmm, I'll have to ask Willow about that. I know I've been out and proud for years now, but Willow is still my go-to-gal whenever I have a question that has to do with my gayness. Wow, did I really just say 'my gayness'?

I watch was she gets up and I smile a little bit when I see the tattoo on her stomach. I still can't believe she got that picture tattooed on her body. I mean, I love it, and that was the day everything in our lives changed. I guess I just can't believe that she hid it from me. I mean, she got it done when she was taking the night classes at the community college, and I thought she was staying out late and doing…God only knows what. When instead she was putting the happiest day of my life on her body. It just makes her love me even more. I know this isn't going to be her last one. She's going to get Addison and Joseph tattooed on her also, she just hasn't decided what pictures to use.

Anyway, she takes 'Richard' off and drops it to the floor. She lets out this little sigh and then takes a deep breath. I know she wants a cigarette. I can just tell. She quit when she got pregnant with Addison, and only had one or two after she was born, but the craving hasn't gone away. It probably never will. It's a physical addiction, and even though she's overcome it psychologically and doesn't need one, her body still wants one. Sometimes I feel sorry for her, and I want to tell her to go have one, but I don't because she's done enough damage to her lungs. She smiles back at me and it's like everything is right, you know?

She gets back on the bed and lies down next to me. She's on her back with her head turned to the side so she can look at me. She normally doesn't lay like that. She only does that when she wants to hold me but doesn't want to ask. She thinks asking for cuddles is too girly. Then I must be the girliest person alive because I'm always asking for cuddles. Ok, so I'm not always asking. Sometimes Faith will wrap her arms around me when I'm in the kitchen and just hold me from behind while I cook. I love that we've been together for over a decade and we're still affectionate. That she's still affectionate. In the beginning it took her a long time to be affectionate without me initiating it.

"Where did you go just now?" she asks, and hearing her voice break the silence pulls be back to reality. Things have been so great the last couple of days. We decided that we had enough with the fighting and the dreams and all of the stress that they were causing. So we thought it would be nice to get away for a while, no more then a week, just a few days of relaxation. It's been so much fun. I love spending time with my family, and with her alone. But there's like this ugly black cloud lingering over our heads the entire time just waiting to rain on our parade. Eventually she's going to have another dream, and I don't know how she's going to react to it. She used to open up to me about them, but after that last one she's kind of unpredictable.

"No where. Just thinking about how you used to be too macho to cuddle, that's all." She smiles a little bit and pulls me closer to her. I rest my head on her shoulder, and she wraps her arms around me. She makes me feel so safe and secure, and I want to just revel in these feelings, but I know I can't get caught up in them. In a couple hours she could wake up from a horrible dream and I don't want to be caught off guard. I know this is going to be very girly of me, but I can't just sit in silence. "Hey Faith?" She lets out a little 'hmm?' and I smile. "Since we've been together, like over the last decade and a half, what's your biggest regret?" I feel her sigh or then I hear it and I wait as patiently as I can for her answer.

"My biggest regret would have to be…" her voice is still deeper, and a little husky from the hours of sex we've had. I love it when she sounds like that. "Not taking Mattie to a baseball game. I know it sounds totally cliché or whatever, but when I was seven my dad one this bet he had with a friend, and he got two tickets to see the Red Sox and Fenway park. When you were still pregnant with him I pictured us taking a yearly vacation to Boston just to go see a game. I don't know why I never made it happen. I guess after you gave birth reality sunk in and it was hectic enough just raising him. The only vacations we were took were local." That's very true. We'd go camping for a couple of days or something. We weren't too big on the vacations.

"You can still do that. I know pretty much blew all of our emergency money on this vacation, but I'm sure Giles won't mind giving you an early Christmas present." It does feel nice not having to rely on Giles when it comes to money, but he's like a father to me and to Faith, even if she won't admit it. And one thing kids do is ask for money. Even when they're grown up and moved out of the house. Anyway, she shifts her legs around a little bit so I know she doesn't really want to respond to that. Not because she's tired of talking, but because she doesn't want to reveal her true emotions. We've been together for fifteen years, I know the signs.

"It's different now. He's a teenager, he doesn't want to spend any time with us. He barely wanted to come with us because he wanted to hang out with Lucas, and make out with his girlfriend. Besides, you know how it is, if I take one I'll have to take them all. Addy won't be able to sit through an entire baseball game, and Joey's still too little." She's right, but I know we can work around that. I'll bring it up later though, because I have another question in mind. I know she isn't going to like it, but I feel like I have to ask it, you know? Or maybe you don't because I barely know.

"Do you have any regret when it comes to us?" She doesn't tense up, which is surprising. She's just laying there, breathing very softly and thinking about what I said. At least I think she's thinking about it. She's being quiet so hopefully she's trying to come up with an answer. I do have an answer to that question. My biggest regret when it comes to us is not marrying her sooner. I know I was just trying to honor my mother's memory, but I shouldn't have let that hold me back from marrying the love of my life.

"I regret fighting you so much when Sunnydale became a crater. On the bus ride you told me that you loved me, and broke down in my arms." God, that was such a long time ago. But it doesn't seem like it. "It took you what, a month to finally get me agree to date you? I just feel like so much time as been wasted because I can be so stubborn. Like back in Sunnydale when I first showed up. Things could have ended so differently if I had just told you how I felt instead of repressing it and getting so jealous of Angel." I think about that sometimes, but the way I see it if none if that stuff happened then we wouldn't have gotten together after Sunnydale collapsed, we wouldn't have lived in that apartment building, that spell gone wrong wouldn't have given us Matthew and we probably wouldn't be together.

"My biggest regret is being so cold to you. I'm better now, but I was so damaged from being the slayer for so long. I couldn't just open up without having a break down first, and I only broke down because we would scream at each other for a couple hours first. I never wanted to hurt you, but it seems like I've done nothing but hurt you for the last fifteen years." I know that isn't true, but right now, in this current moment of time it feels very true. She wraps her arms tighter around me and kisses me on the top of my head. I know she wants to kiss my tears away, but the side of my face is firmly planted on her shoulder and it's going to stay there until I feel a little less overwhelmed.

"Buffy, you've brought me so much joy that it overshadows all of the hurt you caused. And I'm not going to lie you have hurt me before, but all of that is past stuff. It doesn't matter anymore because we worked passed it. I don't regret being with you, I don't regret having children with you. The fact that we have a beautiful family together just makes me love you even more. Right now I have everything I ever wanted when I was growin up. I know you can't really understand that because you had a loving mom, and a little sister, and friends who took care of you. You make me happy. No one's perfect, there's no such thing as the perfect relationship. People fight, feelings get hurt, but we're stronger then it. We're going to be together for the rest of our lives. I wouldn't have spent so much money on our rings if we weren't." That part makes me laugh a little. She always finds a way to cheer me up a little when I'm on the verge of sobs.

"I know we're going to be together forever. I'm sorry, it's just we've had more sex tonight then we have in the last month or two and my emotions are all over the place. We should probably get some sleep. The kids want to go to the beach tomorrow so we're gonna need to be alert. You know how Joseph likes to sneak off when we're distracted by something." She nods her head and chuckles a little bit. My biggest fear for tomorrow is that he'll sneak off and get washed away by some big wave. I'm a very strong swimmer, and so is Faith, but if he gets swept up in a current we might not get to him in time. Ok, no more depressing or scary thoughts. I just need to get some sleep. I'm just glad me and Faith are finally getting back to the way we used to be.

WPOV

"I just want this whole crappy weekend to go away," Sky says and rests her head on my shoulder. I softly rub her back and feel her sigh. I knew we should have waited until she was thirteen weeks along. See after twelve weeks it's too late to terminate a pregnancy, but I wanted that extra week just to be sure. She didn't get an abortion, so don't think for a second that she did. I have to explain with happened. See Buff and Faith took off to California because they were getting way too stressed out, so Sky and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to go to Oregon to tell her family about the baby. I didn't bring up my waiting idea because Sky has been very cranky lately and I didn't want to make her mad. When she told her parents about the pregnancy, and that we used magic to create our baby so it is both of ours her mother asked how far along she was.

Sky got excited because she thought that maybe her mom was taking an interest and that once the shock wore off she would be happy. So when Sky said she's only two months pregnant the first thing her dad said was 'it's not too late for an abortion.' You should have seen the look on Sky's face, total shock and damage. I wanted to so badly to take her in my arms and comfort her, but that would have made things worst. I tried to defend us as much as possible without starting a fight, but those people just kind of push you to it. When we finally had enough belittling, we got up to leave and her parents actually tried to convince her to stay with them, that they would take care of our 'terrible mistake'. I don't understand how someone could treat their own child like that.

"Me too, baby, me too," I tell her and hold onto her one of her hands. When we got back to the hotel there were three messages waiting for us, two from her parents and one from Buffy. I called her back and she said that they would be staying in Monterey for a whole week instead of three days, and that I should take that long of a break too instead of researching the dreams in my spare time. I agreed mostly because I didn't want to argue with her. I got off the phone as quick I should because Sky was starting to hyperventilate. She had no idea her parents would be like that. She always hoped that they would come around and accept the fact that she's in love with me, and she thought that us giving them a grandchild would help with the accepting. But it only made things worst and she couldn't handle it.

They called the hotel a couple more times and when we told the person at the desk to hold all of our calls they started calling our cell phones. We turned them off but we're afraid that they'll stop by so we left. We're sitting at the park now, on a bench, and I'm holding her, trying to keep her from breaking down again. If my parents aren't excited about the baby then I'll be able to handle it because I'm so used to them not taking an interest in my life, but Sky was completely blindsided by this. I'm so afraid that she's going to think about it and then agree with her parents, or she's going to get so stressed out and have a miscarriage.

"Did you see the way my dad looked at my stomach?" she asks and sniffles a little. I shake my head no and give her a little kiss on the top of hers. She's quiet for a long moment and then she takes in a deep breath. "It's like he wanted to cut me open and rip it out." God, that's so horrible. I was focusing on her mom because the last time we saw them her mom seemed more upset then her father. Why are they being so stubborn? They were never like this before. They were always so accepting of people's differences when I was growing up. They never said anything bad about anyone. They hate the clan and they think religion shouldn't be used as an excuse to discriminate. So is it me? Do they just not love me and this is their perfect opportunity to finally show it?" I should have known she'd think something like this and been a little more prepared. Ok, here goes nothing.

"Don't you dare think that for a second. Your parents love you very much. There's a big difference between talking about being tolerant, and being tolerant. I can't explain their reasoning to you because I don't know them, but if I had to guess I'd say they didn't want you and your siblings growing up thinking they were intolerant, and they didn't want to raise intolerant children, and they didn't even think about the possibility that one of their children would be in a same sex relationship. They probably think you're changing so much so fast and they don't feel like they know who you are anymore. Again, just guessing here. Maybe if you spent some one on one time with them while we're here it would help. I can explore the town on my own for a while. Maybe stop by a couple book stores to see what they have." She chuckles a little bit and looks up at me.

"Will, we're supposed to be saving money for the baby. And don't tell me you can control yourself. Whenever you go into a bookstore you forget about budgeting." She gives me a little smile and she has that spark back in her eye. She was stressing about visiting her parents because we weren't sure how they were going to react to me coming back. Whenever she gets really stressed out the spark leaves her eyes. I've missed it. Trust me when I say I've missed it. She rests her head on my shoulder again and I keep rubbing her back. Then she turns her head up a little but so she can nuzzle my neck. "I just want us to go back to being happy. I feel like we ruined it for ourselves by coming out here."

"I want you to be right with your parents again. You used to be close with them, right? I mean, you used to have yearly barbeques, and come home for Christmas every year, and Thanksgiving, and your parents' birthdays. We haven't done anything like that since we've been together." I feel her body tense up a little bit and I know I just said something wrong. It's not that she hasn't done any of that stuff since she's been with me. The issue is she hasn't done any of that stuff since her husband died. And then she became a slayer, and she lost herself in it as a way of ignoring the missing part of her life. I did kind of the same thing when Kennedy left me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I know how hard it's been. I think if we started doing that it would give your family a chance to see how good we are together. The only time we've come to see them is when you had big news to tell them. I'm kind of torn here because I usually spend Christmas at Buffy's, but I think we can work something out. Maybe do an every other year type of thing." She sighs and relaxes again but I still don't feel like we've resolved anything. I want to keep talking, but I don't want to upset her. Her hormones have been crazy so I have to kind of lightly tread whenever I'm around her. It sucks but things are starting to get better.

"I don't know. I guess we can start doing that but I like going to Buffy's for Christmas. She means so much to you, and watching those kids open up presents is always entertaining." She's right, watching Addison and Joseph rip through their presents is really funny. Since Matthew's gotten older he's calmed down a lot when it comes to the present opening. "Can we talk about it later? The sun's going to set in a few minutes." I give her a kiss on top of her head. I pull her body closer to mine and I let go of her hand. I rest it on her stomach and softly caress her with my thumb. It's still a little hard to believe that we're going to have a baby. She puts her hands over mine and I know she's smiling. I don't know how I know, I just do. It's like I can feel her smile.

It's still too early to tell if the baby is a boy or a girl, but I'm kind of rooting for a girl. It would be really nice to have a girl to dress up. I know we're going to have that 'first child syndrome'. There are going to be so many pictures of this baby we won't have room for them all. We'll have to see how it goes with this one, but I'm sure we'll both want to have at least two kids. I want to have two kids. I decided that a long time ago. I don't know if Sky will be so hip with that plan after she gives birth. I'm so happy that we're going to have a baby, but I've always wanted to have a baby, as in I want to be the pregnant one. But it's impossible. There's so much magic running through my body that the baby would be born with way too much magic, and there's no way it would survive for then a day or two, and that's if it comes to term. I could miscarry.

I give her another kiss as we watch the sun sink before the horizon. I love watching the sunset with her, but I have to admit seeing the sunrise is a little better. The only time we ever see the sunrise is when we've been up all night pleasuring each other. That hasn't happened in a while. She just got over the morning sickness a couple weeks ago, and she still hasn't felt like doing anything. Not that I'm complaining. Some women just don't want to have sex while they're pregnant. If she isn't in the mood, and I can't put her in the mood then that's fine. All she should really be focusing on right now is growing a person. And again with the whole 'it's still hard to believe we're going to have a baby'. It's mind boggling, but exciting at the same time, and I can't wait to be a mommy.

"There's something we still haven't talked about," Sky says and sits up a little bit. We've been sitting here in silence for so long that it's completely dark out. The only light is coming from the moon, and the large lamp that's about five feet away from us. There's nobody else around, and the sound of traffic is very vague. I love just sitting quietly with her because it reminds me of all the times we did it at the slayer school. Anyway, I let out a little 'hmm?' and she looks over at me. She's trying to figure out how to word what she wants to say, that much is obvious. It means she thinks I'm not going to like what she has to say. "Are we going to do any blessing rituals at all?" Wow, that is a good question. I never even thought of it.

"Willow, I'm a powerful witch, I don't hold a candle to you, but I'm more powerful then most. I think it would be good if we start putting a lot of positive energy into this baby even before birth. You and I both know all of the bad things that can happen if we wait, or don't do it at all." I know there are a lot of risks. She doesn't have to remind me of that. I'm just not sure which rituals we should do. There are so many and I don't know which ones would be the most affective. I don't want to try too many because too much of anything isn't good for you, and I don't want to hurt our baby with good intensions. I don't want to hurt our baby at all.

"I don't know. I guess we can get a hold of the Coven and ask them about it. I don't know a whole lot about blessing pregnancies. I researched it a little when I was still with Kennedy, but she was uninterested in the whole parent thing so I stopped. It got too depressing." Ever since be became a couple I've made it a point not to talk about my ex's unless Sky asks about them, which is hardly ever. Talking about an ex to the current lover is just something you don't do in any type of relationship. "Let's not talk about it right now, ok? We can talk about it when we get home." She sighs and I know she's getting irritated. So I don't want to talk about it right now, is that such a big deal? "Come on, baby, I just don't want to talk about it right now, and you should be relaxing after what happened. I don't want to get into a long discussion." I know that isn't too much to ask.

"Alright, but we are going to talk about it when we get home. I don't want to wake up one morning and find our baby's been switched with something else because you didn't want to do a blessing." I roll my eyes and try not to sigh. "Don't roll your eyes at me." How the hell did she know I did that? "This is serious Willow. The possibility of that happening is very real. This baby is most likely going to be born a magical child, there are so many demons, or magical creatures that would love to get their hands or claws or hooves on a magical child." I know all of this, so she doesn't have to remind me, but she does have a good point.

"I know, baby. I just don't want to worry about it right now. We have enough stuff to worry about, let's not add to it. I promise when we get home we'll sit down and have a very long conversation about it." She doesn't say anything but she puts her head down on my shoulder again so I know everything between us is ok. "Maybe we should head back." She shakes her head no and snuggles against me a little closer. If she were any closer to me she'd be sitting in my lap. She does that a lot, especially when we're watching TV together. Lately she's gotten into the habit of sitting in my lap at breakfast time. She doesn't have me feed her or anything. She just wants to be close to me until she's fully awake. She's so adorable in the morning, you have no idea. I wish we could go back home before all of this happened. We could be at home, snuggling in bed, and talking about our plans for the baby. Yep, I really wish we could go back.

DPOV

You have no idea how hard the last three days have been. Kyle showed up and wanted to get back together, you know that part. You also know about the situation with Michael, and how I'm still not exactly sure if he's going to embrace fatherhood or not. I guess I'm going to find out today. He called last night while I was making dinner and he wants to see the boys. We're meeting at the park in five minutes. I'm driving over there now. I haven't taken the boys to the park in a while so they'll love it. I don't know how they're going to react to Michael. I have no fucking clue how they're going to react to Kyle if I do decide to let him back into my life. I'm not going to be with someone my children are uncomfortable around.

I pull into the parking lot and the boys start talking a mile a minute about what they're going to play on first. Alex wants to go on the swings, and Nick wants to go on the slide. I guess we'll have to flip a coin or something because I can't be in two places at once. This is why it would be nice to have someone else. If Kyle hadn't left or if I had told Michael about the boys sooner then maybe he would be here in the car with us and he could take one of the boys on something and I could help the other. It's little things like these that remind you how much being a single mom can suck. I don't hate it all the time. When I cuddle with them on the couch I'm kind of glad there's no one else there that could take their attention off me. I find a parking stop and then shut off the engine. They're so excited that they're almost shaking in their car seats.

"Ok guys remember when I let you out touch the car ok? Don't just walk off." They nod their heads and I can't help but smile at how they're acting. Who knew going to the park would make them so happy? I get out of the car and shut my door. Then I open up the back one and Alex has this huge smile on his face. I unhook him from the car seat and set him down on the ground. "Touch the car, Alex." He reaches out and puts his hand flat against the side of the car, but his eyes are locked on the playground. I can tell he wants to run over there, but he knows if he does he'll get in trouble. I close the door and hold onto his hand and walk him around to the other side. As soon as I let go of him he puts his hand on the car. I open up the door and Nick just can't get out fast enough.

"Hurry Mommy!" he yells and pulls on the straps. I roll my eyes a little bit and reach down to unhook him. Out of the corner of my eye I see someone walking towards us. My entire body tenses up and I have to force myself to stay calm. It's just a maternal instinct to protect my kids with my life and when I see someone walking towards us when I have my guard down it freaks me out a little. Anyway, I stand up straight to get a better look at the person and see that it's Michael. He stops walking and just looks at me. I stare back at him and I feel all sorts of butterflies doing damage to my stomach. If I don't have a stomach ulcer already then I'm probably getting one right now. "Mommy, hurry up!" I hear Nick yell and it snaps me back to reality. I unhook him from the seat and set him down on the ground. I hold onto both of their hands and walk closer to Michael.

"I uh, got here early 'cause I thought you might have done that too, but I guess not." I've never seen him so nervous. He's never been one to stutter or trip over his words. It's really weird seeing him like this. "I saved us a seat." I smile and tell him thank you. I glance down at the boys and they're just staring up at him like they've never seen another human being before. Neither of them really knows what to think, and it's really cute to see. He leads the way as we walk across the small parking lot and then down a nice dirt trail. It's been walked on so much that the dirt is compact and no dust is being kicked up. We walk over to the bench that has a few bags on it. Luckily no one else tried to claim it while he was gone. We sit down and the boys are standing by my knees just staring at Michael, I guess now is a good time to make introductions.

"Nick, Alex this is Michael. Can you two say 'hi'?" I ask but they don't say anything. They're just too fascinated by him to do anything else but just look. "Michael this is Nick." I put my hand on top of his head. "And this is Alex." I do the same to him and he shakes his head back and forth. Sometimes he just doesn't want to be touched. Even though they're identical twins today you can tell them apart. Normally I'm so busy in the morning rushing around trying to get all three of us ready that I don't really pay attention to what I dress them in. They never wear the exact same outfit, but sometimes they'll end up with the same colored shirt, they'll just have different pictures. But today I made sure to dress them in different colors. Alex is wearing his favorite shirt. It's green camouflage and has the words army strong across the chest. Nick is wearing a navy blue shirt with a picture of Pinky and the Brain.

"It's nice to meet you," Michael says and he sounds so lost. He has no idea what to say to them and it's a little sad. Ok, so more then a little. It's really, really sad. "Why don't you ask your mom if you can go play?" I guess he wants to talk to me about the custody issue now. They finally stop looking at him and glance up at me. They don't say anything but I tell them to go play in the sand. They both walk off and we watch them go. We're just sitting in silence now and I'd be lying if I told you it wasn't extremely awkward. "I brought some snacks. I wasn't sure what they would like, or what you let them have." He pulls some containers out of the plastic bags and I glance down. He made a fruit salad, there's a box of granola bars, some juice boxes, and what looks like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He even brought paper plates, plastic forks and napkins.

"Thank you, this is great. I know they'll love it. They might not eat a lot because they had a big breakfast, but I'm sure they'll nibble on a lot of it." He puts all the stuff back and we both look over at the boys. They're playing in the sandbox with a couple other kids. The little girl is sharing her bucket and shovel with Nick, but Alex doesn't have anything to play with. I should have brought some toys. Why didn't I think of that? "So, have you made up your mind about anything yet? Because it's ok if you want to talk a couple more days to figure everything out. I know this is a huge shock and I'm sorry for just springing it on you unexpectedly. I was just in a shitty situation, and I didn't use my best judgment, or even my good judgment, and I'm so sorry that you missed out on everything."

"You're right, you didn't use any good judgment." Ouch, that stung. I look over and wait for him to keep talking. I have no right to get mad at him for saying that, or for him using that tone. He has every reason to hate me right now. "I'm sorry, I'm trying not to be pissed at you but it's really fuckin hard, you know?" I nod my head a little and take a look around to make sure there are no little kids around who heard him cuss. "I've been a father for the last three years and didn't even know it. It'll take a while for the anger part to go away." I nod my head and look back over at the sandbox. I see Nick playing with that little girl, but I don't see Alex. I fight back panic and take a look around. Ah, he's climbing up the ladder so he can go down the slide.

"And I deserve all of the anger you throw at me. Trust me there's nothing you can say that'll make me feel more like shit right now. I think about all of things you missed and I feel so guilty I almost break down. Not just for all the things that you've missed, but them too. They don't know who their dad is and they're getting to the point now where they know they're supposed to have one." I try not to tear up as I think about that horrible moment. "A couple months ago Nick came up to me in the kitchen and asked why he only lives with a mommy. He told me that mommies and daddies are supposed to live together. I had no idea what to tell him, so I just changed the subject." He's quiet for a few minutes and we both just watch the boys play. I have no idea what he's going to say and it's very unnerving.

"I don't know how we're going to work this out. I want custody, I want to see them on a regular basis but I live four hours away. If I sue for custody I'll lose, and I know you're not going to move to LA and give up your job." He's right, I'm not going to do that. It's taken me a while to get used to it, but this is my home and I'm not going to leave. "I guess I could move here. My mom died a couple years ago so I have no real reason to stay in LA." Oh my God, I didn't know his mom died. Why didn't he tell? I turn to him and open my mouth to say something but he doesn't let me talk. "She had lung cancer." I can tell just by the look in his eyes that he isn't completely over it, so I'll just leave the subject alone for now.

"You could move here. The houses are really expensive, but there are some apartment complexes across town that aren't too bad. There's no much in the way of work here, but you can get a job in Vegas. The commute isn't too bad. It's what most of the people here do." He nods his head a little and looks back over towards the slide. Alex is taking another turn and I guess he cut in front of another little boy because some kid is crying to his mom and pointing to the slide. They always do something bad when you're not looking. Now that we've gotten the job talk out of the way we can get down to the really important stuff. "They go to daycare during the week from seven in the morning until five. It might be a while before we start doing this but I was actually thinking of doing an 'every other week' sort of thing." He gives me a weird look and I can't help but feel like I said something wrong.

"Why would it be a while before that happens? If you want it to be every other week we can do that now, and I won't have to move." Ok, where the hell did that come from? Why is he getting so mad? "I don't want to move if I don't have to. I've been living in my house since I moved to LA. My mom packed up and moved us there two years after I graduated high school." Wow, that's a long time. "Her health's never been good. I couldn't have stayed in Redding if I wanted to. Someone had to look after her." I totally understand what he's saying. I reach over and put a hand on his knee. He looks up from the ground and into my eyes and my breath is taken away at how much raw emotion I can see in his eyes.

"I get it. I was pissed when that big earthquake took out Sunnydale because that's the last place I lived with my mom." Yeah, he still doesn't know about demons, and vampires and hellmouths. I was going to tell him back in high school, but I was too afraid he'd freak out and break up with me. "If we're both agreed on the every other week then we can do that. I can drop them off at your place and then you can bring them back. I want them to get to know you before we start doing that though. They've never spent the night at someone's house that they didn't know. They've stayed at my sister's a couple of times but she's been around them since birth." Ok, that brought on a pang of guilt. "I just don't want them to freak out or anything. They can be very…stubborn and manipulative when they want to be especially when they don't want to do something."

"Well, they certainly take after you," he says with a small smile on his face. I give him a little smack on the arm and he gets this mock-hurt look on his face. "You're still so violent. I thought your sister was going to teach you some manners." I give him another little smack on the arm and he grabs onto my wrist. His hands are calloused, but they don't hurt or feel strange. They feel very familiar. It was so long ago when I slept with him and I can still remember it like it happened last night. "You know you can only get it away with it so many times before I start to fight back." I nod my head a little bit and smack him with my free hand. We used to play like this back when we were dating. It's nice to see that after all these years and every horrible thing I've done we still get long.

"Alright Summers, you brought this on yourself." I try to scoot farther away from him, but he wraps one of his large arms around my middle to stop me from moving away. I struggle a little bit, but it's mostly for show. Then he brings up his other hand and my eyes widen when he brings it down with lightening speed and starts tickling me. I start laughing, and squirming, and kicking and struggling but I don't really want to get away. To be honest this is the happiest I've been in a while, and I don't want to ruin it. I know after this little tickle fest things are probably going to be awkward, but we'll move passed it. I'm just so glad that we're comfortable around each other. It's like I get around him and I'm eighteen again, and I really like that feeling. I wish I could feel like that forever, but I know it won't last for long. But at least right now things are like they used to be.


	69. DTDATP

A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me this long to post, but I wanted to get 'the courtship' finished before I started working on this one again. Expect some more chapters soon, and I hope you enjoy the update.

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Decisions, The Decided, And The Procrastinators

**Two Weeks Later.** BPOV

"'Old Brown carried Nutkin into his house, and held him up by the tail, intending to skin him; but Nutkin pulled so very hard that his tail broke in two, and escaped out of the attic window. And to this day, if you meet Nutkin up a tree and ask him a riddle, he will throw sticks at you, and stamp his feet and scold and shout – cuck-cuck-cuck-cur-r-r-cuck-k-k! The End.'" What the fuck? What kind of little kid story is that? The squirrels go to Owl Island every fall to collect the nuts but they have to give the owl a sacrifice first, and the little Nutkin will tell a riddle to annoy the Owl so finally he gets sick of it and tries to skin him. What kind of fucked up story is that? I close the book and give Addison a very questioning look and she just shrugs her shoulders. "Who bought this for you?" She thinks about it for a second and then she gets a dead serious look on her face.

"You did," she says and I can tell she's trying not to smile. Oh ha, ha, very funny. I'll just blame this one on Faith. I put the book on her nightstand and she snuggles into me a little more. Lately I've gotten into the habit of reading to her every night. I don't really know why. I just feel like it's something I need to do. "Mommy I don't wanna go to bed." I hate it when she whines, it's so irritating. "Brother gets to stay up late, why can't I stay up late?" Matthew doesn't get to stay up much later then her, but he's a teenager and it's summer time it's like the law that he gets to stay up passed his bedtime. But only by an hour, I'm not going to let him stay up as late as he wants.

"Addison, your brother doesn't get to stay up late. But right now it's time for little girls and little boys to go sleep." Yes I realize how stupid that sounds but I couldn't think of anything else. She sighs and I guess she decides that it's not worth fighting over. "Goodnight, sweetheart I love you." She hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I do the same to her. She tells me that she loves me and then I get up and tuck her in. Words cannot describe how much I love this kid, or any of my children. There are some people who have kids because that's just something they're supposed to do. You grow up, get married, and have children. But for me having kids…it's like my life is complete. The missing puzzle piece has been found and put into place and now I'm whole.

I step out into the hallway and just listen. Do you hear that people? Yep, that's right, it's the sweet sound of silence. When the kids go to sleep, the dogs are outside and Faith is downstairs working on her car. She's been doing that since we got back from our vacation. Ok, so it isn't her car. Her dad bought it for like eight hundred bucks, and he wants to fix it up and sell it but he doesn't have the time so Faith is fixing it up and when they sell it all of the money is going into the shop. That was the agreement. But it's a piece of shit to be honest. It needs so much work and I don't know if she's going to be able to fix it up or not. Not only does the outside look like hell but I guess the entire engine is shot.

It's some type of classic car or something. Earlier Faith muttered something about the original owners being strung up for letting it get like this. I had no idea she loved cars that much when we first got together. But after a while I really started to love the smell of motor oil on her. She worked on her Camero and motorcycle all the time. She would be out in the garage for three or four hours until Matthew would get so impatient that he'd storm out there and tell her to come back in the house. I let him because I felt a little abandoned whenever she'd go out there. Watching a four-year-old by yourself is not easy when he's hyper and wants to play with his Mama.

Anyway, she'd come back in the house with oil stains on her hands, and she'd have the smell all over her, and I thought it was just so damn sexy. I remember once when Matthew was over at Willow and Kennedy's Faith was out working on her bike and I was in the kitchen making some lunch and she came inside for a soda, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek as she walked passed I got a whiff of her smell, and I grabbed her by the arm and spun her around and she took me right there on the kitchen counter. When you're a parent it's very rare you get to have sex in the kitchen, or any other communal room. Now that I'm thinking about it I kind of want her to take me right now. Hmm, or maybe I'll do the taking, just for the hell of it.

I walk towards our bedroom and as I walk down the hall I take a look at all the photos I put up. Up here it's mostly pictures of the kids, especially their baby pictures. There's only two of me and Faith together. The first picture was taken when we went to the coast. We're sitting on a rock, Faith is holding me form behind, and we both look so happy. That was taken two months before I got pregnant with Matthew. You can't really tell it by looking but we were both pretty drunk that day. It was Kennedy's birthday so we went to the coast to celebrate. I remember her and Willow had sex in as many places as they could. They got caught quite a few times, but they had a lot of fun. We all had a lot of fun that weekend.

The second picture is on Faith's birthday a couple years ago. Emma watched the kids and we went out to a nightclub, I can't remember the name of it. I took the camera though just incase I wanted to take a picture of her, but I ended up asking some random person to take a picture of us while we sat at the table, one arm around each other while we huddled in really close so we'd both be in the frame. I did take a lot more pictures that night, but those are very private and very hidden so no one else will see them. If those pictures got out I'd totally die from embarrassment. Faith wouldn't, hell she wanted to post them on the internet she was so proud.

I smile a little bit and keep walking towards my bedroom. I can see the light from the room creeping into the hallway from under the door. It's really bright which means it's from the overhead light so she's still awake. If it were a softer light that would mean she's asleep and she left my lamp on for me. I slowly open the door and peek inside. I smile a little bit when I see her. She's sitting on the bed in nothing but her underwear and bra, painting her fingernails and humming very quietly. It's moments like this one I really wish I had a camera. I walk into the room and act like this is an everyday occurrence. Faith gets a little defensive if you draw attention to the girlier things that she does.

I can't help but smile at her, but she doesn't look up. She's just painting her nails and acting like she doesn't know I'm in the room. Oh she knows I'm here. She's just ignoring me for whatever reason. I walk over to my dresser and pull some pajamas out. I slowly undress and glance back at her. She's still painting her nails. She's painting them a dark red color. Hmm, I wonder why she isn't painting them the usual black. Oh, that's right. She has a meeting tomorrow with a potential client. I guess she wants to look nice for him. I would be jealous, but she told me about it earlier and I wasn't really paying attention but I think he used to be a famous baseball player. I'm not sure. She should know better then to try and talk to me while I'm cooking.

When I finish changing I put my clothes in the hamper, and sit down on the edge of the bed and just watch as she carefully paints her nails with the little brush. I do have to admit that I love that color on her. Her nails are very short, and neatly trimmed. She doesn't bite them anymore like she used to which is nice. It is a very icy habit she picked up after she stopped smoking. I do understand that whenever someone drops one habit they pick up another, but nail biting is never the answer. My eyes turn their attention from her nails to her fingers. Her fingers are very strong, but soft at the same time. I think it's a little weird that slayers don't have extremely calloused hands because of all the stake handling that we do.

"I can't focus when you stare at me like that," her voice comes out of nowhere and it pulls me back to reality. "I have to think about what Red said, and I can't do that if you're lookin at me like you're gonna jump me." I guess I am a little worked up. We haven't been together since that night at the hotel and that was two weeks ago. I know our sex lives have slowed down a lot over the last few years but right now two weeks seems like a long time and I just want to feel her fingers inside of me again. I guess I should leave her alone though since she does have a lot to think about. Willow researched the dreams until she was absolutely sure she'd never find anything in a book. Now Faith has to make a decision between not doing anything about them, and learning to live with them, or she can let Willow magically enter her mind and figure out what's going on.

"Yeah, that is a lot to think about. But Willow has come a very long way with the magic and she knows what she's doing. Just look at what she did with Addison. We trusted her with our baby girl. I think she should be able to trust her with your brain." She looks up at me and I can tell she's trying really hard not to get irritated with me. "Just some food for thought. I'm not going to bother you about it, it's your decision." She gives me this little 'whatever' type of look and goes back to painting her nails. She only has two more, and then she'll be done. I wonder if she'll want to fool around tonight. It feels a little weird that I'm questioning whether or not she'll want to fool around. I mean, Faith used to be a walking libido, and she always wanted to have sex. I guess I took advantage of that.

"Will she be able to see my memories?" Faith asks and now she looks very…scared is the only word that comes to mind. I give her a questioning look and she puts the lid back on the nail polish and sets the bottle down on the end table. She's trying to avoid speaking again but she knows I want her to explain why she asked that. "I've done a lot of stuff in my life B, a lot of it I've only talked about with you and I don't want her seeing any of that shit." I guess that's a valid reason to be hesitant. She had a bad childhood growing up, and then there's all that stuff she did after she became a slayer. She's done a lot of things she isn't proud of and she would die before she let anyone else find out about them. She told me because she trusts me with everything, just like I trust her with everything.

Then there's all of the private stuff that we've done together. I really don't want Willow knowing that I dressed up in a French maid outfit, and Faith dressed up in a man's business suit, and she called me Camille and I called her Mr. Johnson, and were role playing that we were having an affair while Mrs. Johnson was out of town on business. Then there's the thing that I do where I dress up in a cowgirl hat and boots and ride Faith as hard as I can while she wears a strap on. Yeah, I really don't want Willow snooping through those memories. I don't think we'll ever be able to look each other in the eye again if she saw how kinky I can be. Those are some of the less embarrassing things that Faith and I have done. I really don't want her seeing the other stuff that we've done together. Like what we'll sometimes do around Christmas time with a candy cane, and a bowl of liquid chocolate.

"You gotta lot of thinking to do too. Are you going to take that chick up on her offer?" I have no idea what I'm going to do about that. There's this woman who is in my self defense class and she wanted to know if I would be her personal trainer. I would keep the class open, and work with the woman, Noelle Porter, four days a week for two hours. It would be an extra six hundred dollars a week, which would come in handy with everything. Faith's business is starting to become a bit of a drain, and that vacation we took set us back a little. It would be nice to be able to pay all the bills and then have enough money to buy food next month. But that's two extra hours I'd be working when I could be home with my family. At the same time it's an extra two thousand four hundred dollars in my pocket, so it's almost a no brainer.

"I have no idea. She seems nice and everything, and the price she named is very…generous, but I don't know. There's something about her that bugs me a little bit, and the only time I could go over to her house for the training would be after the class, and if I do that then I won't be home until seven. I know you like to cook, but do you want to do it every night I'm gone? It's not just the cooking, but do you think you can handle the kids on your own, and cook dinner, and deal with anything else that comes up?" She gives me a very weird look and I know I'm being a little insane. "You're right, I know you can handle it, but I just worry. It's just that time of night is my favorite part of the day. That's when we're all here and there's usually no fighting and the kids are running around playing and you help me in the kitchen and most of the time we end up making out against the counter until one of the kids catches us." She gets a little smile on her face and I can't help but smile back.

"Yeah, I guess it's pretty cool. But we could really use the money. We used all our emergency money on that vacation and I need to take Tucker to the vet." She looks so sad now. I completely forgot about her wanting to get Tucker into the vet's office. She's getting really worried about him, and I am too but Faith is still in denial. Tucker is eleven years old, and according to the average life span for a Golden Retriever is ten to twelve years. He's just getting old. His arthritis is really bad, and he can't stand for a long period of time without whining from the pain. He has to stay outside when no one is home because his bladder is getting weak and he can't hold it as well as he used to, and someone has to help him walk up and down the stairs so he can get off the deck.

"Faith, I don't think there's a lot the vet is going to be able to do. He's just getting old. I know you want to help him but age isn't a disease. It can't be cured. If it's his time then it's his time." I try not to sigh when I see the look on her face. She has on that defiant, stubborn expression that I hate so much. It's almost insane how much one look can make me so irritated in a matter of seconds. But I stay calm. I'm not going to start a fight because she's getting emotional about her dog. We've had him since he was a little puppy, and he's her first dog so of course she's going to be very emotional. I just really wish she'd stop looking at me like that.

"So just because he's old I'm supposed to let him get sicker and die without doing anything about it? He's old but he's still healthy." No he isn't, and that's something she needs to understand. He's sick, and he's old and he's dying, and there's nothing we can do about it. I'm not trying to disregard her feelings, or make it seem like I don't care about Tucker because I do. I'm just saying that Faith needs to get a healthier perspective on this or else she's going to drive herself crazy. I sigh and run a hang through my hair. I'm trying as hard as I can not to get defensive, but it's really hard.

"I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that he's getting old, and there's no way to cure that. We give him the strongest dose of pain reliever the vet will prescribe and it doesn't help for very long. He's going blind, and his bladder is starting to fail. There's nothing we can do about it Faith. I know it's heartbreaking to think that one day he won't be here with us, but you have to realize that one day, probably very soon, he's going to go to sleep and he isn't going to wake back up." Now she looks really pissed off. I guess she didn't want me to make her face reality but that's what I did. I know that when he dies she's going to cry her eyes out and probably lock herself in the garage for days. The kids are gong to take it very hard too.

"Don't talk to me like I'm a little kid. I know he's going to die soon. I just don't want him to suffer. He's suffering, Buffy and it needs to stop." My eyebrows furrow and she looks away from me. What is she saying here? I give her a very questioning look, but she won't look up at me. She sighs and blows on her fingernails a little. "He's getting old, and I don't want one of the kids to wake up one morning and find his body lying in his bed. I don't think they'd be able to take that. He can barely walk down the stairs, and it isn't right, you know? He's a good dog and he doesn't deserve that." No he doesn't. I scoot forward a little bit and put my hand on her knee. She still won't look up at me and I know it's because she's trying not to cry.

"Do you know when you're going to take him in?" She shakes her head no and I see a teardrop roll down her cheek. I sigh and give her knee a little squeeze. "Are you going to tell Matthew before you take him in?" She shrugs her shoulders and sniffles. "You know he's going to want to be there. Tucker is his first dog too. Even if he's not there you should at least tell him what you're going to do." She nods her head a little and I gently rub her back. "I guess you have a lot to think about too." I smile a little half smile and rest my forehead against hers. I can't believe she came to that decision all on her own. That must've been so hard for her. I swear sometimes I have my head shoved so far up my own ass I don't see how much she's suffering. Old habits are hard to break I guess.

FPOV

I don't know how everything got so damn stressful. It started out with just the dream shit, but now real life has to add to it. Tucker's getting older, and sicker, and he's suffering. I don't want him to suffer. He doesn't deserve that torture. Then there's this huge meeting that I have. A guy wants us to build a bike for his son's birthday. He took a basic design and customized it himself and we had to go over it and told him what we can and can't do. Most of the changes were for safety's sake, and he was cool about it all. We have one month to build it, and I'm sure we can pull it off. It's not like we have customers just lining up down the block for us to customize their shit. But the heat is on because if we pull this off we're looking at a forty-six thousand dollar paycheck. Yeah, how fuckin sweet is that?

Really fuckin sweet, but it means I'm going to be putting in a lot of overtime at the shop. This guy isn't stupid, he isn't going to pay unless we give him exactly what we said we would, and I want to get it just right. My dad could stay if I really wanted him to, but I don't want Brittany to get on his ass about working late. Besides, with the way things have been lately I could really use some time to myself. Just a few hours alone, working on a bike, and not having to worry about anything else but putting it together. It's very…therapeutic, I guess. I know Buffy isn't gonna be happy about it because she'll have to deal with everything at home by herself for a while. She won't make me feel too guilty about it once she hears how much money we can make from this, but I know she'll throw in a comment or two that'll make me feel bad.

Don't even get me started with the kids. They can make me feel horrible about working late without even trying. Like when I first opened the shop it was a lot of late nights just getting everything set up. Orders would come in and I'd put them away 'cause of my slayer strength, I didn't want my dad hurting himself trying to prove he's still a big, strong man even though he's in his fifties. But then I'd have to go and write everything down. I hate the paper work part of it. I'd get home right before the kids would go to bed, and Addy would run up to me and give me a big hug and ask me where I was and I'd tell her I was at my shop and then she'd say something like 'why don't you wanna come home and play with us?' Yep, that's some heartbreaking stuff right there. Leave it up to my baby girl to make me feel shitty about something I wanted to do since I was a little kid.

"Here," my dad says and sets a beer down on the workbench. I look at the unopened bottle, then up at him and he has one too. "Don't give me that look. That's the highest paying customer we've had so far, we should celebrate a little." I pick up the cold glass bottle and twist off the lid. I give my dad another look and he sighs. "Don't start getting on my ass. I can have a damn beer every once in a while if I want one. You don't need to be worry about it." Of course I'm going to fuckin worry about it. He went to the doctor a couple months ago and his liver isn't doing too good. The doc said it was from drinking and poor eating habits, and he should improve his diet and stop drinking. Brittany's a health nut anyway so his diet is already way better, but I don't think he should be drinking at all.

"So what are you going to do with your share of the money?" he asks and leans against the table. I haven't really thought about it…much. Ok, so I've thought a lot about it. Only one thing makes the most sense though, and that's going on a vacation. I figure I'd wait a while though, put all the money in the bank and let it build a little interest while Willow figures this dream shit out. Then when I'm all better we can fly off to sunny Hawaii. Yep, that's right Honolulu Hawaii. I figure we can dump the kids off with Willow and Sky and me and B can run off for two weeks of surf, sun, and relaxation. Of course I gotta talk to B about it first, but I'm sure she'll be down with it.

"I don't know," I tell him and take a sip of my beer. I don't want anyone else knowing about my plan. "Probably just put it in the bank, save it for a rainy day." I look over at the clock and it's a lot later then I thought it was. Shit that meeting ran late. I take a really long swig of my beer and then set it back down. "Sorry I can't stick around but Buffy's gonna be pissed if I don't get home soon." I get up off the stool and give my dad a kiss on the cheek. Don't you dare look at me like that. Just because I gave my dad a kiss on the cheek it doesn't mean I'm not a total badass, because I am. We say goodbye as I grab my coat then I head out the door. I feel like I'm walking on air or something. I mean, in one month I could twenty-three thousand dollars richer. Yeah, I'm sure that'll have anyone walking on air.

Anyway, I hop in my car and drive around for a little bit. I need to calm down and not be so damn happy when I get home. I want this news to be a surprise and if I walk in the house grinning like an idiot then they're all going to know that something is up. I'm really starting to think that driving around isn't going to help. I've been doing it for fifteen minutes now and I can't stop smiling like an idiot. I guess I need to get home because if I don't get there soon Buffy's gonna kill me, and my car is a little low on gas, but I'll fill it up tomorrow. Oh man I can't wait to see the look on B's face when I tell her how much money we're going to get. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets so excited that she presses me up against the wall and fucks me right there. Yeah, that would be bitchin. I'm starting to like this whole money thing more and more.

So I head for home. It doesn't take me long. Traffic isn't so bad tonight, which is really weird because traffic is always bad. I really hope Buffy isn't too pissed off at me. I missed diner, which we try really hard not to do, but the worst part is I didn't even call to let her know I was going to be late. Then again I didn't know that meeting was going to run so damn long. I swear once my dad finds someone who shares an interest in hunting and fishing he can talk for hours. Luckily Mr. Fennel had to leave or we would have been there forever. Anyway, I pull into the driveway and shut off the engine. I don't get out right away though. I just want a little more time to myself before I go into the house. I know I make it sound like being a mom is the worst thing ever, when really it's the best thing to ever happen to me. But I just need a few more minutes of quiet before Buffy sends me on a guilt trip.

I sigh and then put my keys in my purse and get out of the car. I lock it up and head towards the house. Right away I know something isn't right. I can hear the kids inside playing and being loud. Buffy never lets them act like this at this time of night. Plus Addy, Joey's bedtime is at eight-thirty so what the hell are they still doing up? Oh man, did Buffy get so pissed that she let them stay up so I'll be the one to put them to bed? Because that sounds like something Buffy would do out of spite. I'm not gonna lie or sugar coat this one, putting those two kids to bed is one of the hardest fuckin things to do. At least it is for me. They always go to bed really easy whenever Buffy does it, but they freak out and don't listen whenever I try to put them down.

I unlock the door and walk inside. Just from the noise I can already tell that Addy and Joey are in the living room watching TV. I have no idea where Mattie is. I put my coat and purse on the coat rack and close and lock the door. I do it quietly so they won't hear me. I'd rather surprise them then have them know I'm coming. Maybe they'll actually listen to me that way. I walk into the living room and stop dead in my tracks. Not only are Addy and Joey still awake up they're jumping up and down on the couch and Addy is yelling really loud. Joey is laughing his head off and it sounds really cute but that's not the point. The point is my kids are acting like crazy people, and Buffy isn't anywhere in sight.

I hear something come from the kitchen so that's where I go next. I stand in the doorway and watch as Mattie loads up the dishwasher. That's really weird because he hates loading the dishwasher. Buffy either promised to raise his allowance or I'm looking at his doppelganger. God it's amazing how much this kid has grown up. I know this is gonna sound corny or whatever but it does seem like just yesterday he was a little three-year-old terror, running around the house naked, laughing his head off and refusing to put on clothes. It's almost insane how much I love this kid. He doesn't even know it but he saved me. If it wasn't for him I'd probably be some loser alcoholic, alone and bitter, or dead, I can't really decide which. Anyway, I finish with my silent admiration and walk into the room. He looks back and is expression does not look happy at all. He looks worried, and a little angry.

"What's up?" I ask and lean against the counter. "Where's your mom?" I look over towards the dining room and there's still some stuff on the table. I guess Mattie hasn't gotten around to those yet. He sighs and scratches the back of his neck and now I know something is wrong. He only does that when he doesn't want to answer a question when he knows I'm not going to like the answer.

"She's in your room. She has a really bad headache and those two were being brats and made it worst. I'm gonna get them ready for bed when I'm done loading the dishwasher." You see that, that right there proves that we're doing something right as parents. I give him a small smile and reach out and gently squeeze his shoulder. I would give him a hug, but he's getting a little too old for that, at least that's what he thinks. I don't hug him, but I do lean over and give him a kiss on the temple. He doesn't complain and I know it's because he's in a crappy mood and doesn't feel like verbally sparring right now. This kid definitely takes after me when it comes to being witty. Buffy likes to take the credit because she's the queen of the pun, but we all know I'm the one in the family who's better when it comes to comebacks and verbal jabs.

Since B isn't feeling good I better go check on her. I leave the room and walk up the stairs as quiet as I can. I don't want Joey or Addy to know I'm here yet. I'm pretty sure they already do but they're ignoring me. They know if they run up to me and acknowledge my presence then they'll have to go to bed. My kids are far from stupid. Anyway, I walk up the stairs and down the hall to my bedroom. I don't see any light coming from under the door. Damn, her head must really hurt. I thought maybe she just used that as an excuse to go upstairs, but maybe she wasn't lying. Either that or she's really committing to this lie. I open the door really slow just in case she's sleeping. The light from the hallway streams into the room and I can see her lying on the bed with a wet washcloth over her eyes. Ok, so I was wrong, her head really does hurt.

"Hey baby, what's wrong?" I ask and walk into the room. I shut the door and wait a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the black. My slayer eyesight kicks in and even though the room is completely dark I can see just fine. I walk over to the bed and sit down on the edge. She takes the wash cloth off of her eyes and I can tell she's been crying. Ok I missed something really important. Now I feel like such an ass. I should've looked at my watch at some point in that meeting. I'm sure he would have understood me needing to get home to my family, especially since all they were talking about was what type of bait is better for catching large mouth bass. "Buffy, what's wrong?" I gently run my fingers through some of her loose hair. She sniffles and holds onto my hand.

"It just didn't hit me until a little while ago that Tucker is really old, and sick. I know you told me about your decision last night, but it didn't sink in until dinner time. He's a pest but he's a part of the family, you know? I just can't really imagine what it's going to be like without him around to drive me crazy." Aw, my poor baby is gonna miss Tucker just as much as the rest of us. And here I thought she was heartless. She gives my hand a little tug and I know what she wants me to do. Whenever she's upset and wants to be comforted this is usually how it goes. So I slip my shoes off, and lay on top of her. I put most of my weight on my elbows so I can look at her face. She wraps her arms around my back and lets out a little sigh.

"I have some news that'll cheer you up," I tell her and she gently pulls me down. Ok, ok, jeez you have to be all forceful about it. I rest my head on her shoulder and she starts to rub my back. Mmm, that feels good. "That client I told you about, well he doesn't want to get his bike customized. He wants us to build a bike for his son's birthday. Dad said we weren't gonna do that 'cause it takes too much time but this is so worth it because we're going to get paid a forty-six thousand dollar check, and I'm going to get twenty-three thousand dollars." She stops breathing, and I lift my head up to look at her. Her eyes are wider then normal and I have a big stupid smile on my face.

"Are you serious?" she asks and I nod my head a little. Well, I do need to be honest with her about it because even though we're getting paid forty-six thousand dollars a lot of it has to go back the shop. We have a lot of what we need already but there are a couple of things that we have to buy and they're not cheap. So about ten thousand of the check has to go back to the shop. But I don't really care, that's still eighteen thousand for me. And eighteen thousand is way more then enough for me and B to go to Hawaii, even if we decide to take the kids. And now that I'm thinking about it I think it would be nice to take them with us. Addy and Joey can have their own room, Mattie can finally have his own, and me and B can kick it in a king size. I love king size beds that's for damn sure. Lots of room to move around, and if we stay in the middle of the bed then the headboard doesn't make as much noise.

"Yep, well, except that there are a couple of parts that we have to special order, and it's gonna cost us ten grand, so I'll only get eighteen thousand, but that's still eighteen thousand dollars." She gets a little smile on her face and I can't resist. I lean down and give her a little kiss. It lingers for a few seconds but it doesn't deepen. I pull back from the kiss, and rest my head on her shoulder again. "I was thinking we could go to Hawaii for two weeks. I wanna wait until Willow figures out what's wrong with me first. Then it's you, me and sunny Waikiki beach for two whole weeks. I thought maybe we could have Willow and Sky watch the kids to give 'em a good taste of what parenthood is gonna be like, but now that I've been thinking about it a little more I think we should take 'em with us. It's not like we go to Hawaii a lot, or ever."

"That sounds good. You know I want to take the kids with us, as long as we get our own room. I have a feeling that I'm going to be very grateful for a certain wife of mine, and you know what happens when I'm feeling grateful." Yep, we get to play dress up. We're quiet for a few minutes and I can hear the kids being little hell spawns downstairs. Maybe I should go down there and help Mattie put the others to bed. A door slams really hard and now Mattie is yelling. Or maybe I could just stay up here where it's at least a little quiet. "Do we have any painkillers or did we forget to ask Giles for more?" I totally forgot to ask Giles to send some more. See, regular pain-go-away medicine like Advil and Tylenol doesn't work with us because of our slayer metabolism. Giles has a doctor friend who sends them the stronger stuff: oxycotton, morphine, vicodin stuff like that.

"Sorry babe, I forgot to call and ask. I'll do that first thing tomorrow, ok?" I feel her nod her head and I sigh a little. She's still rubbing my back and holding me really close to her. The only way I can be closer is if we took off our clothes. Hmm, now there's an idea. "But I think I know a way to make you feel better. It's completely natural and all of the side effects are good." I rest all of my weight on my thighs so I can lift my upper body up and slowly undo the first button of her shirt. She doesn't say anything and she doesn't move, which means she's on the fence. She's still thinking about it, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. "I can suck your tits. You want me to do that? It'll make your head feel better. You want me to, huh, huh, huh?" I sound more like a little kid then my regular sexy self. It makes her giggle and that was the whole point of the little kid voice.

"I don't think we should do that yet. Unless you want the kids to walk in on us and be scarred for life." Yeah I guess she's right. "I kind of like what we're doing now." She's right about that too. It's nice to just lay here with her and enjoy the semi-quiet. "So Matthew said he'd put the little ones to bed?" I let out a little mmhmm and she sighs a little. "And you thought that would be a good idea because…." She let's that hang in the air and I have to think of something. I can't just start babbling or else she might get frustrated with me. Ok, well here goes nothing.

"Because I was worried about you. Mattie said you had a bad headache, and I thought something really bad happened. He can handle them by himself for one night. Come on, how hard can it be?" Another door slams, and it sounds like something broke. Now Addy is yelling at the top of her lungs. "I guess I could go help him." I don't move though. I don't want to move. I'm comfortable and Buffy is still rubbing my back and it's giving me no motivation to get up. "In a minute or two. I'll help him in a little bit." She pinches my ass really hard and it makes me jump up. I totally wasn't expecting that. "Or I can go help him now." She smiles at me and she looks so cute. I lean down a leave a lingering kiss on her lips. When I pull back her eyes are closed and she has a little smile on her face. "I'll be back and we can pick up where we left off."

BPOV

One of the very few things that annoy me about Willow is the fact that she makes her coffee very weak. I have no idea why she makes it like this. I know it has nothing to do with Sky because I've heard her complain about it before. I guess this is just the way Willow likes her coffee. She's been making it like this for as long as I can remember. The reason I'm complaining about the way Willow makes her coffee is because I'm over at her house right now. We could both use a little best friend time right now. I guess Sky isn't doing so well after their little trip to Oregon, and I'm trying not to worry myself to death about a lot of things.

"It was so awful. If you were there you probably would have given then a stern speech about Sky being their daughter and how just because she's living a lifestyle they don't approve of it doesn't mean they can just turn their backs on her. I gave one kind of like that to her mom but I didn't get through." I take another sip of the very weak coffee and try so hard not to cringe. I set the mug down then focus all of my attention on Willow. "I thought that if Sky spent some time with her parents without me there then maybe they would talk about things and feel a little less on guard. But it only got worst. They're dead set on wanting her to have an abortion, and they want her to move back in with them until she's better. They think her being with me is some kind of depression because of her husband." That is so horrible. How can they treat their child like that?

"I wish there was something I could do to make it better," I tell her and reach across the glass table. I put my hand over hers and she smiles a little bit. I don't really know what to say. This has never happened to any of us before. Willow's parents accepted her as a gay woman, I don't have any parents to reject me, and Faith's dad has been nothing but loving and supportive. I honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to say. "So her parents don't want to be a part of the baby's life at all?" Willow shakes her head no and now she's starting to get upset. Her nose is turning red, so it won't be long before her eyes well up with tears. I've seen Willow cry way too many times, I know exactly how it goes.

"No, they don't. I thought that after the news set in they would be happy. Sky is giving them a grandchild, what parent wouldn't be happy, you know? But they told her if she chooses to keep it and she chooses to stay with me then she can't visit them anymore. They've completely disowned her. I can't help but feel like it's all my fault." One of the other things that bugs me about Willow is that she always blames everything on herself. It makes the whole comforting her thing a lot harder. "If I had just moved on after Kennedy left me then I never would have been in Cleveland that long, and I probably wouldn't even have met Sky, and her parents would still want her around. They won't even talk to her on the phone, or respond to her e-mails." Yep, she's definitely playing the blaming game.

"Willow, none of this is your fault. From what you've told me meeting Sky is the best thing that happened to both of you. You two love each other, you pulled each other out of a long, dark rut, and now you're living a great life together. And you're bringing another life into this world, what could be better then that?" She doesn't say anything but it doesn't really matter. I know she's thinking about what I said and she'll come to her own conclusions sooner or later. I'm hoping sooner rather then later. "So where's Sky right now?" I haven't seen her and I've been here for two hours. Sky isn't the kind of person who can just sit around and do nothing all day. She needs to be doing something to keep her mind busy or she'll go stir crazy, at least that's what Willow told me when they started dating.

"She's in bed. She's too depressed about what happened to stay up for more then fifteen minutes at a time. She eats but I know it's only because of the baby. I don't know what to do, Buffy. I don't know if she's going to get over this or not. She loves her parents so much, and they used to be so close. Should I try to get her some help or should I wait a little longer and see if she comes around?" That is so horrible. It's hard to believe that she would be like that. Sky is usually so…full of life. She's one of those people that are always really happy, like annoyingly happy and you just want to hold them down and tell them bad things about the world just to make them less happy. I can't believe Willow is leaving this decision up to me. Talk about pressure.

"I don't know, Will. This is something huge and she's going to need more then a couple weeks to get over it. Maybe you should get her into the doctor to make sure the baby is ok. It's not really my call though. Maybe you should talk to Sky about it." I really don't want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong. See, I have changed over the years. We haven't said anything and an awkward silence is starting to set in. I don't know what to say. I know she doesn't want to talk about the Sky situation anymore, I can just tell by the look in her eyes, but I don't know what else to talk about. Well, there's always, "Have you found anything about weird, alternate universe like dreams?" She sighs and takes another sip of coffee.

"No. I've looked through every magical, and demon reference, and supernatural creatures reference, and I can't find anything. I even looked into alternate dimensions, but I couldn't find anything about something like this. Well, I found something a little similar, but it's about person actually going to the other dimension physically not just subconsciously. Faith only does it subconsciously, right?" I tense up a little bit even though I'm trying so hard to stay calm. I try to cover up my shock by taking a very long drink of my very weak coffee. I really don't think Willow is buying it though because of that 'I'm so not buying it' look on her face.

"I don't know," I say in a small voice. She gives me an 'I can't believe you' type of look and when did this become about me anyway? I thought we were talking about her. "What? I'm asleep when she has them. We fall asleep in each other's arms all the time but we move around in our sleep and stick to our own sides of the bed. And we never know when they're going to happen. After she had a really bad one I stayed up late a couple of nights to watch over her, but she was fine. When were on vacation and she didn't want me to worry, so I listened to her. She hasn't had another one since then, which I'm totally grateful for. I don't know if she can handle another one of those dreams so soon after she had a really bad one." Willow gives me a weird look and finishes her coffee.

"What did she dream about?" Ok now I'm torn. Faith was so upset by it that she was pretty much an alcoholic for a week and she was irritated all the time, and then she confided in me because I'm her wife, and I know we're supposed to keep Willow informed of what's going on because it could be helpful but I don't think Faith would want me to tell Willow about what happened. And it's not like Willow is very good at keeping a secret. The next time she sees Faith she might give her a weird look or something and try to act like nothing is wrong, and Faith will just know that I spilled by guts about it and she'll never trust me again. And if she doesn't trust me then our marriage will fall apart, and then we'll get divorced, and have a huge custody battle for the kids, and I'll drown my sorrows in rocky road ice cream and get really fat all because I told Willow about dream that may or may not be Faith's future.

"I don't think I should tell you. It was really bad, and it took her a week to finally tell me, and before that she was drinking a lot to try and forget about it. She just saw something, one of her greatest fears, and I know she doesn't want you knowing what happened. That's why she's so reluctant to let you inside her mind because she's afraid you're going to be able to see her memories. You can do that right? Once you're in her mind you can pretty much do anything." I don't sound like I'm accusing her of anything. I'm just curious. She nods her head and shifts in the chair a little.

"I could, but I wouldn't. A person's memories are private. It's the history of them you know? If she wants me to know all about her life then she would. I'd never mess with someone's mind like that." There's a moment's pause and I know exactly what she's thinking. "Never again, anyway." And just like that the air out here just got very depressing. It's hard to believe that it's been so long since Tara's death. I know for a fact that on the anniversary Willow gets very depressed, and won't get out of bed. It always drove Kennedy a little crazy. She never thought she was good enough for Willow, and she always thought that Willow was comparing her to Tara. At first when I thought Willow stayed with Kennedy just to get laid, I thought that Willow might be doing that. But after a while I figured out that my redheaded friend was completely smitten.

"Willow, I wasn't trying to accuse you of anything. She's just done a lot of things that she isn't proud of, and she doesn't want you judging her." She nods her head a little bit but now that she's thought of the bad things she did to Tara her mind is going to be on that all day. I look over when I hear the patio door open. I smile a little when I see Sky holding a mug. I can with my very accurate slayer smell that isn't coffee, just an herbal tea. "Hey Sky. Feeling any better?" Willow turns around and as soon as she sees her fiancé the tension in her body melts.

"Yeah I am. Thanks for asking." She sits down on the arm of Willow's chair and my redheaded friend instantly wraps an arm around her waist. Awww, there's nothing like a first time pregnancy to make a couple act all lovey-dovey. I remember when I was pregnant with Matthew Faith and I were always cuddling, and snuggling up to each other. I swear, there's almost nothing cuter then watching a couple in love when one of them is pregnant with their first child. I can't help but feel a little jealous. Yeah Faith and I are like that sometimes, but when I was pregnant with Matthew she couldn't keep her hands off me, and it wasn't just in a sexy way. She was always holding me, or she'd have her hand on my knee and it was nice. When Faith was pregnant with Addison I was like that with Faith.

"Well it's good that you're feeling better. What with the staying in bed all day, and having headaches and the morning sickness, which was bad. But this is good. Right, Buffy, it's good?" I smile a little bit at her nervous babble. She may be older and a little wiser, but she's still the girl I befriended in high school. I nod my head a little and drink some more of this colored water. I swear this isn't real coffee. She just told me it was coffee so I would drink it too. She probably had to take all of the real coffee out of the house so Sky wouldn't drink it because pregnant women aren't supposed to have caffeine.

"Yes Will, it's very good," Sky says and gives Willow a kiss on the top of her head. God those two are just so damn cute together. It's making me want to go home and snuggle up with Faith. But she's busy at the shop with her dad. They want to get a jump start on building that bike. That's one hell of a check and we're gong to fucking Hawaii! We went to Hawaii on our honeymoon and I loved it. It was so beautiful, and it would be great to share that experience with my kids. "So what are you two girls out here chatting about?" She lifts one of her perfect eyebrows and takes another sip of her tea. Before I can answer Willow jumps in.

"You know, not much, we're just spending some quality best friend time together. So we're just talking about the things that best friends normally talk about." Sky gives her a small smirk and then she looks over at me. Crap, this isn't going to be good. See, nobody can pout like Sky. Absolutely nobody. She even has Faith wrapped around that little finger of hers. All she has to do is stick out that lip and look all wounded and we cave. And that's totally not cool. I mean, it's one thing to have your fiancé whipped 'cause I had Faith pretty well trained, but all of your fiancé's friends? That just isn't right.

"Buffy were you guys talking about me?" she asks in that hurt tone and out comes the lip. Ok, Buffy, be strong you have no reason to give into her. I mean, sure she's attractive, and if the circumstances were totally different as in we were both single I'd definitely try to sleep with her, but I'm married and she's pregnant and engaged to my best friend no less so it's not like I'm getting any real reward out of telling her the truth. But she just looks so sad. No! I will not give into it. I am a slayer, the original slayer for God sakes. I've faced horrible demons and master vampires and the original evil. I think I can handle one…oh God she just sniffled and whimpered.

"Well not so much about you, more like about the situation and how much it sucks. And then we talked about Faith, because that's what best friends do, we talk about our significant others. And our siblings, only Willow doesn't have any siblings so I just talk about Dawn and then she'll throw in her own comments and theories because Dawn is kind of like a little sister to her. Back in Sunnydale Willow took care of her while I was dead." Crap. Oh yes, I am Buffy the Vampire Slayer, here me roar. What's the use of having all these super powers if I can't even stand up to one little junior slayer?

"Speaking of Faith," Sky says and she's completely normal now. "When are you going to do the brain exploratory thing?" 'The brain exploratory thing'? I thought Sky was a full fledged witch too and she doesn't even know what it's called? And here I thought Willow was going to teach her out to be a better witch. I think I need to have a little chat with my friend about that. I look over at Willow and she still looks a little guilty about our conversation earlier. I never meant to upset her. I probably shouldn't have brought it up. I think Faith is freaking out because there are a lot of stressful things going on at once and she's focuses on this one so she doesn't have think about the others. At least that's what I think. But nobody asked me so I guess I'll just leave the subject alone.

"As soon as Faith is ready. I have all of the things I need here so it's not like I'm waiting for an herb or some type of crystal. You have no idea how annoying that is. Faith's a little hesitant though. I guess she doesn't trust me as much as I thought she did." Great and now she's all pouty and sad. I hate seeing Willow like this. But there's not a lot I can do about it. She's stubborn, and if she wants to be all pouty and doubt herself like this then no one can stop her. It just has to run its course and then she'll find some perspective and she'll be better.

"I'm sure it's not you Will," Sky says and gently rubs Willow's back. "This is something huge, and scary that she's never done before. All she knows is that you're going inside her mind and taking a look around. She doesn't know that you can pick and choose what you want to see. I'm sure if you just sat down and explained to her exactly how this spell works she won't be so nervous. I know I would be very reluctant if someone needed to poke around in my brain." My eyebrows furrow just a little bit as I watch Willow's reaction. She's actually calming down and…and now she's smiling? What the hell? I can never get Willow to smile a real, genuine smile when I try to be all reassuring.

"You're right. I just thought that she was worried because of some stuff that I've done in the past. But there's no way she can know about that stuff, right? I mean, she wasn't there at the time, she was still in prison." She looks over at me but I avoid eye contact. What? Faith is my wife, and as her wife it is my scared duty to tell her anything and everything that my friends have done in the past before she became friends with them. Ok, so I told her long before we were married, but it was when the relationship started to turn a little more serious instead of just a casual thing. Ok, so it was never a casual thing, we were exclusive from the moment she agreed to date me, but I waited a little bit before I gave her all of the details.

"Well, Willow, thanks for the coffee but I need to get going. Dawn wants me to go over to her place for a little bit. I guess she's going through an emotional crisis and she could use some sister time right now." I take another drink from my own slightly cold, colored water that wants to be coffee. I stand up and give them a little smile. They are just so damn cute together. "I'll see you two later. I know this is totally last minute but if you're feeling better then you guys should come over to dinner tonight if you don't have any plans. Faith is going to barbeque some steaks. Matthew and Addison are spending the night at their friends' houses, and Joseph is staying over at Chris' so it'll be just us adults." They look at each other for a few seconds and then they both get these little smiles on their faces. I hate it when they talk telepathically.

"We'd love to. So, be there around six-thirty?" Willow asks and I nod my head. See, she knows me so well she even knows what time to be at my house for dinner. We usually don't eat until seven, but this way we can hang out a little before dinner is ready and Willow can help me cook some of the sides so I don't burn anything. My cooking as gotten way better because Faith has been teaching me the last few years. I still have a tendency to forget about something on the stove while I'm doing something else and then it burns. I think maybe if I stopped trying to do so many things at once the whole 'burning the food' thing would stop happening. Anyway, now it's off to Dawn's to find out why she's having an emotional crisis.

FPOV

Buffy's gonna be so pissed off at me. She got the kids out of the house, and I guess she was planning something special because she wanted me to barbeque some steaks. Whenever we have steak it's always because she wants to do something special. When four steaks cost us two hundred dollars we only cook them because of something special. But I missed it. My dad headed home early so I stayed behind to work on the bike some more. Whenever I get really involved with what I'm doing, no matter what it is, I never stop to check the time. And I never realize how much time has passed because it just seems to fly. So instead of walking through the front door at six so I can help make dinner, I'm sneaking into my own house at midnight.

That's right, I'm a grown woman, mother of three, owner of her own business and I'm sneaking into my own fuckin house like a sixteen-year-old who snuck out to go to a party, or who when to go fuck her boyfriend. But I'm not coming home smelling like alcohol, or pot, or sex. I'm coming home smelling like oil, and blood. I felt too tired to drive so I walked home, and I got jumped by a couple of vamps. I'm ok, but they got in a few lucky shots. Ok so maybe some more then a few. One of 'em actually bit me. It's just a scratch, nothing to freak out about. I used all my weight to lean forward and throw him off me. Then I kicked him in the throat and staked him before he could get up. Maybe I can use this to get some sympathy out of Buffy so she doesn't kill me for missing dinner.

I slip my shoes off and Ruby runs up to me. She doesn't have a tail but her ass is wiggling back and forth really fast. I reach down and pet her on top of her head. She may not be Tucker but she's a pretty good dog. The key to having a good dog is exercise. They weren't meant to just lie around a house and be cooped up all day. I jog early in the morning and I take her with me so she can let most of her energy out. If I go without jogging for two days that's when she starts acting up. She'll chew on things, run around the house barking non-stop, she's a pest to the kids, especially Joey since he's the smallest, and she terrorizes Tucker. And he used to get the same way, only he isn't moving around much these days.

"So give it to me straight, should I go up there or just sleep on the couch?" I ask and she perks her ears up. She has this 'what the fuck are you talking about?' look on her face and I can't help but smile. She's so damn cute. And the thing I didn't know about Cocker Spaniels is how fuckin long their fur gets. We have to take her in every other month for a haircut or else it'll start to get matted. She licks my bloody knuckles and it stings a little bit. I pull my hand back and she cringes like she thinks I'm going to hit her or something. That's weird. Dogs only do that when they've been hit before, and we don't hit our dogs. At least I don't hit them. Huh, I guess I need to have a little talk with the kids, and/or Buffy.

I make my way up the stairs, walking as quietly as possible. If she's asleep then I won't have to suffer her wrath until tomorrow, which is totally fine with me. A few hours sleep will do me some good. But I really need to get a fuckin shower 'cause if I fall asleep on the bed with blood all over me and stain up the new sheets Buffy will freak out. I really don't want to wake her up though, and taking a shower in our bathroom will definitely wake her up. What to do, what to do? Oh, I'll just use the other bathroom. Those vamps must've hit me in the head a lot harder then I thought if I couldn't think of that right away. I go into the bathroom and turn on the light. I wince when the light hits my eyes. My head hurts so fuckin bad from those vamps that it felt like a punch to the face.

I strip as fast as I can, which isn't very fast since those vamps messed me up pretty bad. Damn, now that I'm older this slaying thing just isn't as fun anymore. I still need it just the same 'cause if I don't go slaying every once in a while then I go a little stir crazy and I have to get in a good lay or I'll go insane. And even after I slay I usually need a good roll in the sack to keep me calm. That part kind of sucks now because now that I'm married with three kids the sex doesn't happen as often. Me and B used to go at it like rabbits. Those were the days. Back when we were living in the apartment building and Dawn was at school. Me and B would stay in bed all day and just fuck. I think I like the sex better now then back then. Because it doesn't happen very often so when we are together it's…special.

After I get my shower I walk down the hallway completely naked 'cause the kids are gone so why not? Man I just want to crawl in bed and sleep for like three days, maybe more. I don't really know why I'm so damn tired. Working late at the shop is becoming a regular thing, and with my slayer stamina there's no way it's the thing draining my energy. Maybe it's the dreams? I know I haven't been sleepin very easy since that last one. It was so fucked up. I don't even want to think about. I can't stand silence anymore because of that dream. Every time I'm in a really quiet room I can hear Addy screaming out in pain, and begging me to stop hitting her. You have no idea how fuckin bad I want to drink that memory away, but I won't let myself all into that abyss.

I have other people to worry about. Buffy says she likes her job, and she's pretty much supporting us, but my goal is to make enough so she doesn't have to work. She complains a little about it, but I know that she would rather be training the girls that are sent here during the school year then be teaching self-defense to people who are probably never going to need it. I'd rather be training the girls too because it's more important then building bikes, but this is what I love. Alright, no more thinking about it. It's a little depressing. I sigh a very heavy sigh and crawl under the covers. These sheets were ridiculously overpriced but they're comfortable as hell. I'm glad Buffy bought 'em now, even if we did get into a little argument because of it. Don't look at me like that. When someone pays a hundred bucks for bed sheets they deserve to hear a couple unkind words.

Or maybe not 'cause these are damn comfortable. I sigh again and look over at her. She's asleep just like I knew she would be. She looks so…angelic when she's asleep. I don't know, it's hard to explain. Watching her sleep as always calmed me down, and yes I know how weird and creepy that sounds, but it's true. I wish I weren't so beat up and she weren't asleep though, 'cause the second part of the double H rule is kicking in and I could use a little release. Or maybe in the morning when my slayer healing has taken care of most of this shit, I can wake her up in a very interesting and very fun way. I really like that idea. I like it a lot. Well, if I'm going to do that then I better get to sleep. I get comfortable in the bed but I'm careful about it since she's a light sleeper. Then I close my eyes and give in as exhaustion takes me over.

"Faith." No, I don't wanna go to school today. Tell the teacher I have malaria. "Faith, wake up." No. I groan a very angry sounding groan and roll over onto my other side, away from the offending voice. Buffy must still be tired 'cause she sounds really fuckin different. "Faith I know you're awake." No I'm not. It's just an optical illusion. I'm not awake, I'm still unconscious. "Come on, you promised me breakfast." Great, now she sounds a little irritated. I hate it when B gets irritated like this. Wait a minute, I never promised Buffy breakfast. Who the fuck is this? She doesn't sound like Buffy at all. She sounds kind of like that girl I dreamt about a while back. Fuck, God dammit. I'm having another one of those dreams. "Faith, come on, you promised." God this chick is annoying.

"Alright, I'm up," I say, and my voice sounds all rough like I've been fucking all night long or something. And that's probably what this little skank and my dream self did. I roll back over and look at her. She's sitting up in the bed wearing a t-shirt and her hair is all wet, so she just got out of the shower. Where the fuck am I? This doesn't look like a hotel room like the last dream I was in with her. It's definitely not my house because the shape of the room is completely different. All of the pictures are gone off the walls, and I don't see any of Buffy's stuff anywhere. So, we must be at her place. It's…nice. Nothing close to my style, but it's ok. The bedroom is a pretty good sized and most of the stuff in here looks really expensive. But then again looks can be very deceiving.

"So, you want breakfast, huh?" She nods her head a little and she has a big smile on her face. Geez, the other me must be a total bitch if she's getting this excited over breakfast. I hope she's the only one the other me is fucking, because I really don't want to turn into the get some get gone queen again. Then again I never used to go back for seconds. Unless the first course was hella fuckin good. "And what do you want for breakfast?" I might as well play along a little bit. No point in freaking her out when I'm going to be gone soon. Maybe if I just go with the flow I won't be here for a very long time. Maybe that's the key to these stupid dreams. Kinda like quicksand, the more you fight it the harder you get pulled in.

"Surprise me," she says, her voice sounds a little huskier, and she leans down and kisses me. Her lips are really soft, and full and even though it feels good I want to puke. She isn't my wife, and even though this is just a dream or whatever I feel guilty for doing this. I feel like I'm cheating on Buffy but that's completely crazy because I would never cheat on Buffy. The future me or the dream me or whoever is here when I'm not, made a huge fuckin mistake because B is the best thing to ever happen to me, and I would never hurt her like this. I pull back really quick when I feel her tongue rub against my bottom lip. She gives me a weird look and I smile the best smile I can come up with at the moment.

"I just ah, wanna make you that breakfast before we get caught up doing other things and I forget." Wow that was totally lame. Good enough I guess because she has this big smile on her face now. She leans down and gives me a little peck on the lips, and then she playfully nibbles on my bottom, and pulls on it with her teeth. Damn, that feels good. Stop it Faith. You will not give into this hussy. You will no, you will not, you will not. The other Faith may be a total skank ho, but I have to control myself because I love Buffy and I would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. Ok so maybe I went to one strip club and got a lap dance, but that was celebratory, and I wasn't alone. Just because Buffy didn't know about it until after the fact it doesn't mean I was going to deny I went.

"Ok, go make breakfast. If you need help finding anything I'll be in here," she says with a very sly grin. Ok, I know this is going to sound bad, but I can see why the other Faith would go for her out of everyone in Vegas she could have had. This chick is hot, and cute when she wants to be, and she does this thing with her tongue that I can't even describe. But none of that matters because I'm not going to have sex with her, or make out with her, or touch her in anyway that could be considered sexual or naughty. Anyway, I get out of the bed and I'm completely nude. Why didn't I notice that before? I can feel her eyes on me and I try so hard not to shiver. Oh look she laid out a baggy t-shirt, and some boxers on the little couch. So she's thoughtful too. She definitely deserves better then the other Faith.

I slip the shirt and boxers on and walk out the door. Hmm, nice hallway. She has some paintings hanging on the walls, and the color of the pain is nice. It's a really light yellow and, I don't know, I like it. I slowly walk down the hallway and poke my in some of the doorways. What? I'm a curious person, I wanna see what else she has here. Well, I just checked the last room, and in this hallway she has two guest bedrooms, a bathroom, and a linen closet. Ok, and down the hall and to the right we have…a living room. Hmm, it looks pretty nice. Nothing like my style, and I'd definitely get a different couch, but it's easy to see that whatever this girl does for a living it pays pretty well.

I wonder around until I find the kitchen. Damn, this is big. I wish my house had a kitchen like this. The stove, fridge, and dishwasher are made outta stainless steal. The countertops are black and it looks like fuckin marble. Above the breakfast island is one of those racks that you hang the pots and pans from, and all of those are the really nice expensive ones. So she either just likes having nice things or she does a lot of serious cooking. Ok, so she wants a breakfast then I'll give her a breakfast. I walk over to the huge ass fridge and open it up. Let's see what we got. Eggs, yep I'll definitely need those. Sliced ham, bacon, bread, butter, jam, and cheese, sweet she has more then I thought she would. I pull all of that stuff out and start looking through the cupboards for some bowls and plates.

"Wow. When I said 'surprise me' I thought you'd do something like pancakes and eggs." Jesus fucking Christ! That scared the fuck out of me. Is this chick part ghost or something because I didn't hear her coming and I'm a fuckin slayer. I whip around and she's leaning up against the door jam, still in nothing but that t-shirt. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Yeah, because the big grin and little giggle means you're sorry. "Oh come on, don't look at me like that. I can make it up to you." Oh shit, this is going to a not so good place. She starts walking…no…stalking towards me and she has this whole predator vibe going on. She's the only other person in the world who can make me feel like the hunted and not the hunter.

"It's ok, really. I'll just make us some breakfast." She gets right into my personal space, and she wraps her arms around my waist. I put my hands on her shoulders just in case she tries to kiss me. I really don't want her near me right now, but I can't act too weird or she'll know something's up and I don't know if she knows about me being a slayer or not. Then she gets this little pout on her face, and she knows exactly what she's doing. That full bottom lip just stuck out there and lightly quivering, it's making me want to nibble on it.

"I did a little thinking while you were gone," she says and presses her upper body against mine. She's not pouting anymore. She has this look on her face like she's just ready for me to take her, and take her hard. Her lips are about an inch away from mine and I can feel her hot breaths lightly brush against my face. "I want to eat you for breakfast instead." God damn. I have to bite back the moan or bad things will happen. Her voice is so…I don't know but if sensuality had a voice it would sound like hers. But I can't give in or I would be cheating on Buffy's. Yeah this is a dream or whatever and I can totally write it off as that, but I'm in control of my own actions here.

"Didn't you get enough last night?" I ask and I try to sound like I have some control. I don't think I've ever been this nervous with a hot chick in my arms in my entire life. She slowly nods her head and starts to close that little bit of distance between us, but I pull away. Her eyebrows furrow and she looks a little hurt. Dammit, I hate it when chicks look like that. "How about I make you breakfast, and if you're a very good girl you can have me as a special after-breakfast-treat. How does that sound?" The hurt look goes away and she rolls her eyes off to the side while she thinks about it. Then she gets this little sexy grin on her face and one of her hands wanders down to my left ass cheek and she gives it a nice firm squeeze.

"Ok," she whispers and leaves a little peck on my lips. "But I get to be on top this time." Oh God, oh God, oh God. "I'll be in the bedroom." She gives my ass a little smack and she walks off. I watch her leave and I swear she's putting a little extra sway into her hips. Ok Faith, calm the fuck down. Yes she's a very hot, very fuckable, very willing chick, but doing her would be very wrong. Because you love Buffy. Yes, I love Buffy and I don't want to fuck up our marriage. Because then I would be living without Buffy, and she's hate you for the rest of our lives and that's so not what I want. Alright I can do this. I just need to figure out a way to get out of here before she's done eating breakfast or I'm fucked. And I mean that in a very literal way.


	70. Somewhere Over The Rainbow

_I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update but my muse is refusing to help. I'll try to update as soon as possibly. The internet isn't working on my laptop when I'm at my sister's, as I've said before, so it's making updating a little tricky, but not impossible. Anyway, enjoy your update._

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**Three Days Later.** FPOV

"You're sure this is gonna work? You go in and do some mumbo jumbo and then I go back to normal?" I ask and Willow gives me a weird look. Ok so maybe I shouldn't have said 'mumbo jumbo' but I can't help it. I say dumb stuff like that when I'm really nervous and right now I'm really nervous. You would be too if someone was going to go inside your mind and have a look around. This right here is all about trust, and I'm not so good with the trusting, even after all this time. There's just some things that not even time can erase. But I can totally do this. Red and I aren't exactly friends but I know she won't go poking around in my memories just to satisfy any curiosity she might have about me. Yep, I totally trust her. Maybe if I keep telling myself that I'll finally truly believe it.

"Well, no I'm not a hundred percent sure I'm going to find out what's wrong. But I'm ninety-eight point nine percent sure that I will find something." Only ninety-eight point nine? I really don't think that's enough. I guess I look even more nervous now because she's giving me this 'will you just calm down?' type of look. "Faith, this spell is super safe, ok? It doesn't require a lot of power so I won't run out before we're done. It just takes a lot of time, and the slower we go the safe it will be. Now Buffy and the kids are at Dawn's and there're going to stay there until we call them so we won't be interrupted before we're done." She sits Indian style in front of me and I do the same. Buffy said whenever spells like this are done it's best to just do what Willow does.

"No, don't sit like that." Or Buffy could be wrong. "I need you to lie on your back, and put your head in my lap." Um, ok. She didn't say that we'd have to do this. So I turn around and then lay back. I put my head on her legs, and look up at her. She gives me one of her little Willow-smiles. Ya know when she sticks the tip of her tongue between her teeth? And I can't help but chuckle. This is so weird. I never, ever thought I'd have my head in her lap. It just seems so wrong, even though it's not. But whatever I'm not going to worry about it. "Ok, now I need you to close your eyes, take in a deep breath, and clear your mind of all thoughts." Alright, sounds easy enough. I close my eyes and take in a nice, deep breath, and think of nothing.

"Alright, now this might sting for just a second so don't panic ok?" she says and I nod my head. I feel her put two fingers on my temples. She starts to lightly rub them in little circles. This doesn't sting, it's actually pretty relaxing. My shoulders aren't as tense and I feel like I'm about to fall asleep. Maybe I should have Buffy- WHAT THE FUCK? I try to sit up but something's wrong. I can't move a muscle. I can feel everything so I haven't gone paralyzed but I can't move. What the hell is going on? She said it was only going to sting a little. "That was just a little sting. Quit being such a baby." What the hell? I hear her voice but not out loud. When she said she was going to go inside my mind I didn't think she meant it in a literal way.

"I'm not inside your mind. Just my consciousness is. Our bodies are still in the living room. Nice choice of scenery by the way." What the hell is she talking about? I take a look around and what the hell? We're not in the living room anymore. We're in a field of flowers. There's all different colors and shapes and sizes, and I feel like at any moment Glenda the good witch is gonna float over here and tell me I need to find a floating head and talk to it. "Please, like that would ever happen. Besides I'm the only good witch you need to talk to right now." Ok, I don't like this at all. How is she doing that? "I'm inside your mind Faith, I can hear all of your thoughts. And could you stop thinking so loud? I'm starting to get a headache." Great, now she's making jokes.

"Well, maybe if you told me all of the details instead of just a little then I wouldn't be freaking out right now. I mean, what it is with you guys? You tell us 'oh don't worry everything is going to be fine' and then after you start the spell there's a 'oh this is going to sting a little'. Would you know it off with all the catches and just tell me the truth from the beginning?" Wow, where the fuck did that come from? I take another look around and holy shit the sky is pink. "Where the fucks are we?" She giggles, actually fuckin giggles like a school girl and I think I'm going to lose it if she doesn't tell me what the hell is going on.

"Just stay calm Faith. This is your subconscious. I think this problem doesn't have to do with a magic spell or curse, so it'll be here. It could be an accidental self-induced thing. Like you're dreaming up all of your worst nightmares because subconsciously you feel like you and Buffy are drifting apart. Or it could be a hundred other reasons. Now I know I said I wasn't going to go looking through your memories, and I'm not." I just know there's a but coming up. "However." See, I told you. "However is not but, now let me explain." She gives me a little glare. I sigh and fold my arms across my chest. Well? "Thank you. However, I can already feel there are some deep emotional issues that you have stored away and if we're going to get to the bottom of this then we should take a look."

"You mean we're going to watch all of my memories like some bad home movie and just stand on the sidelines like some Christmas Carol bullshit?" I ask and she nods her head. She has a little smile on her face and I know this is going to end badly. "Fine. But stop smiling. Trust me, the shit we're about to see is gonna be pretty fucked up. Nothing to smile about at all." She nods her head and the smile goes away. "Ok, so how do we start the memory watching?" This is going to be really, really bad. I don't want Willow seeing all of this shit, but if she thinks it'll help them I should just go ahead and get it over with.

"Well, we have to hold hands." What? I give her a weird look and she sighs. "I know it's weird because we're not very close but if you want to find out what's wrong then you need to hold onto me so that my subconscious can feed magic to yours and we can take a look at what's bothering you." Ok, ok. Jeez, save your breath. She holds out her hand and I look at it for a few seconds. I can't believe I'm doing this. I swear, when we get out of here I'm going to chug half a bottle of JD just to forget this. "Would you stop talking to your imaginary audience and just hold onto my hand?" Alright, alright, fuck. I hold onto her hand and sigh. Great, nothing's happening. Yeah, great idea Red. We're standing in the middle of a flower field, with a pink sky, holding hands and nothing is happening.

"Are you sure this is gonna work 'cause- HOLY FUCK!" I scream when everything starts to…whoosh I guess is the right word for it. It feels like we're being sucked forward, and everything is really blurry and it feels like my skin is going to be ripped off my body we're going so fast. I feel Red clutching to my hand with a death grip so I guess I'm not supposed to let go. Ok, no letting go. I hold on tighter and open my mouth to scream. And right before I let it out we stop. Fuck that was insane. Is my hair fucked up? I let go of Willow's hand and run my fingers through my hair but it's fine. Nothing is messed up. Wow, that's really weird. "Did you know that was going to happen?" She shakes her head no. Good, 'cause if she did I would've hit her in the face for not warning me about that whirlwind of nauseousness.

"Ok, so where are we?" she asks and looks around. Why is she asking me that? She's supposed to be the all knowing witch. So why the fuck is she looking to me for answers? "It's your memory Faith, not mine. I don't know where we are or what's going on." Oh, well, I guess that does make sense. I sigh and take a look around. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I really didn't want to see this place ever again. She just had to bring us here. We're standing outside of my old house. The one I grew up in back in Boston. I really don't want to be here. I really, really don't want to be here.

"We're in Boston. This is the house I lived in before I became a slayer." Thunder rumbles in the black sky above us and it makes me jump a little. I hate thunder storms. They've always scared the hell out of me. I can handle it now 'cause I'm an adult, and all of that shit, but when I was little they freaked me out. I used to run into my parents' room and cuddle up with my dad. "I guess we need to go inside." She nods her head and follows me up the walkway. Just seeing this place again is filling me with a sense of dread. We walk up the three steps onto the porch and stop in front of the door. "Do I have to open it or can we just walk through?" She gives me a little smile and I sigh. Ok, so I guess not everything is like a Christmas Carol.

I grip the doorknob and slowly turn it. I really don't want to go into this house. Growing up I couldn't get out of it soon enough, and I really don't want to be back here. Ok, Faith just chill out. We just need to do this shit, and then Red will figure out what the problem is and then everything will be ok. You can get back to your life and finish building that motorcycle and go to Hawaii for a week with B and the kids and everything will be ok. Yep, everything is going to be just fine. I push the door open and I can't see anything. The house is pitch black. Well, it is like two in the morning, if I had to guess, so it makes sense that it would be really dark. It doesn't matter though. I don't need to see because I know the lay out of every room perfectly.

I step inside and take a deep breath. I hate how it always smelt like alcohol. Everywhere it smells like Vodka which is why I never touch the stuff. Only Tequila, and JD, and beer for me. Ok, getting back on the subject. I slowly step inside and Red closes the door behind us. It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, and when it does I suck in a deep breath. I don't want to remember this. I wasn't sure exactly which memory this one is but now I know, and I want to run away. And I definitely don't wan Red seein this shit. I want out! I turn around to walk towards the door but Red grabs me by the arm. She's using her magic to make herself stronger because there's no way she could hold me back on her own.

"It's ok Faith. It's just a memory. Nothing can really hurt you now." But you don't understand it can hurt me. Remembering hurts to much, I don't want to remember. Alright Faith it's time to snap out of it. I'm a slayer dammit, I can handle this. Red's right, nothing can really hurt me. I've grown so much since I went to prison, and I know it's going to sound totally gay but going to prison saved my life because if I hadn't gone there I never would've had all that time to think. Alright, it's just a memory, it's just a memory, it's just a memory. A very bright flash of lightening lights up the whole room for a few seconds. Right after it goes away a loud clap of thunder shakes the whole fuckin house. God I hate it here.

We walk through the very tiny foyer, and into the living room. Everything is dirty, and gross, and it sucks. That is the ugliest couch I've ever seen in my entire life. I walk towards the back of the room. At the very back is a hallway that leads to the kitchen, about halfway down is a bathroom to the left, and the wall on the right is nothing but cupboards. The layout of this house is weird, but at the same time it was pretty cool. There's nothing in the cupboards, and they're not separated on the inside and I'd use it for a fort. Anyway, right before you reach the hall the living room ends, and to the right is where the bedrooms are, one on the right and one on the left. In between against the wall, is the heater. A bright flash of lightening lights up the entire room, and right after it a loud clap of thunder shakes the entire house.

"Daddy!" I hear myself scream. Well, not me but the ten-year-old me. It's not use. I knew that, but I didn't care. I was scared, and lonely, and I wanted my daddy. "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!!!" I look over to the left when I hear the door open. A large man walks out and across the very small space. He opens up the other bedroom door and walks inside. I sigh and just listen. I glance over at Red and her eyes look fuckin weird. They're a bright green, like glowing green, and I just know that she did something so she can see in the dark. "You're not my dad! Go away! I want my dad!" The man leaves my room and walks back into my mom's room. I can hear him murmuring, and me crying and I just want it to stop.

"Be quiet Faith! Go back to sleep!" my moms yells but I can't stop. There's another flash of lightening, even brighter then the first, and the thunder shakes the house again. I start crying louder, harder, and I'm coughing a little. "You better quit your crying, little girl, before I give you something to cry about!" Yeah, it's really nice to have such a loving mother. I look back on these days and smile. Anyway, the memory me can't stop crying. I know what's coming next so I don't need to watch. I glance over at Red and she has this expression on her face like she can't believe this really happened. "That's it Faith!" I hear her get out of bed. She stomps her feet really hard when she's mad and hung over. I hear the sound of metal clinking around, and then I watch my mom walk across the little space from her room to mine with a belt in her hand.

"Mom no! I don't wanna whoopin! I'll be quiet! I'll be quiet!" SMACK! "Mom stop!" SMACK! "Mommy please, please stop!" SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! "Ow, Mommy stop, it hurts. Stop it." SMACK! Then she stops, and walks out of the room and shuts the door behind her. She goes back into her bedroom and puts the belt down. I can still hear the little kid version of me crying, but it's quiet. I glance over at Red again and she looks like she's going to be sick. I guess this was a little too much for her to handle. I look over towards my bedroom, and I can't help but want to go inside. And since when do I ignore my curiosity? So I take a couple steps forward and I can feel Willow walking right behind me. I'm glad she isn't going to puss out 'cause I don't think I can do this alone. We walk over to the door and I slowly open it.

"Oh my Goddess," I hear Red gasp. I can see the memory me lying on the bed, crying her eyes out into the pillow. She's clutching a stuffed animal to her chest and I can't help but smile at the sight of it. Not the crying, the stuffed animal. My dad got me that last year for my ninth birthday. It's a stuffed doll of Rocko from Rocko's Modern Life. Who here remembers that cartoon? Yeah, that cartoon was the shit. "I can't believe your mom did that." I chuckle a little and rub the back of my neck. Oh man if only she knew the kind of shit that happened to me. The reason this night was so bad is because this is the night I gave up hope that my dad was coming back to save me from this. I didn't find out he went to prison until I was twelve. I'm only ten here, and my mom told me he just ran out on us, and for some dumb reason I believed her.

"So what happens now?" I ask and look over at Willow. "We saw what happened and I know why it fucked me up emotionally or whatever. So now what do we do?" I watch Willow as she closes her eyes and concentrates. I can still hear the little me crying and it sucks. Not just because it's me, but as a mom I have this need to comfort kids when they're upset. I feel a little tingle on the back of my neck, it's warm and it feels very familiar. It took me a while to get used to this feeling, but it doesn't put me on edge anymore. It's the feeling of Willow using her magic. I'd recognize it anywhere.

"I definitely feel something," she says in a very low voice. Her eyes are still closed and I can still feel the magic. "It's some kind of pull. I couldn't feel it before. I guess it kicks in after you've been asleep for a while." She's guesses? Ok Faith just calm down. She doesn't really know what she's looking for. That's why this is called an exploratory…thing. Ok so I don't know exactly what it's called but exploratory means she doesn't really know what she's looking for but she'll know it when she finds it. "I need you to hold onto my hand again. I want to get a little closer the source of the pull. We can't get too close though or we might get sucked into it before I can find out what it is." Um…ok. I hold onto her hand and prepare myself for the big whoosh.

But nothing is happening. I open my eyes and take a look around. The house is gone, and we're back in that stupid field of flowers, with the bright sun and the pink sky. I swear I thought my subconscious would be a little dirtier then this. I mean, my past is a perfect example of corrupted innocence. I look over at Willow, and she still has her eyes closed. The magic is changing now. She has to use more power and I can feel it. I can feel the magic work its way up my arm and prickle the back of my neck. I feel like I'm moving again, like I'm about to fall and I hold onto Willow's hand a lot tighter then before. Everything is fading away to nothing, just a bright white nothingness. I can feel Willow using even more power, and sweat is starting to drip down from my hairline.

"Just a little more," Willow says, and her voice sounds strained. I don't like this, something about it isn't right. Even I know that and I don't know shit about magic. Wait, I know think I know what's wrong. I can feel that pull Willow was talking about. When she said pull she really meant a pull. It feels like someone is grabbing onto me, wrapping their long arms around my waist and trying to lead me in a different direction. I try to ignore it. I just focus on Willow, and the power of the magic that's now running through both of our bodies. As long as I don't let go of her everything will be ok. "Shit, shit, shit!" Ok Red that's really not something I need to hear right now. I open my mouth to tell her that but before I can get a word out the invisible grip around my waist tightens and starts to pull really hard.

"Red, what the fuck is going on?" I yell and she grabs onto my other hand. The pull is stronger, and I can feel my grasp on her hands weakening. But she holds on tighter, and I can feel her being pulled along with me. She doesn't answer me, and I can tell she's trying to focus all of her energy on keeping us grounded or whatever, but I'm being pulled too hard. What the fuck is happening? I can feel my feet being lifted up, and then it's like I'm falling. I'm falling and spinning and holing on Willow as tight as I can. I think I'm gonna be sick. I close my eyes as tight as I can and concentrate on not throwing up. I don't know why I'm feeling like this because if we're inside my mind then I wouldn't be able to throw up.

"Ow!" I yell when I land on something hard. I feel my body bounce up a little and land again. Fuck that hurt. Ok Faith, just breathe. Why do I have to breathe? I didn't need to breathe before when we were in the creep flower field. I don't open my eyes just yet. I want to make sure I'm good and calm before I do that. If I'm already freaking out and we're in some weird demon dimension then I'm going to freak out even more and kill Willow for bringing me here. Alright, calm down. It can't be that bad. Maybe we just fell back into the living room, and for whatever reason the carpet feels like grass. Now that I'm pretty calm I'll just take a peek. I open my eyes and blink a couple of times until I get used to the bright light. "What the fuck?"

BPOV

I can't stop thinking that something is going to go completely wrong. I keep thinking that I'm going to go home tomorrow and find them dead. I know it's wrong to think like that, but I can't help it. If you were to see the things I've seen, and experience what I've experienced then I'm sure you'd be the same way too. Faith and Willow are at my house and doing some weird spell that will let my best friend go inside the mind of my wife, and she's going to look around her mind until she finds out why she keeps going to an alternate universe. Well, we're not exactly sure it's an alternate universe, but that's my theory. It could just be some weird dreams brought on by a spell cast by some demons to fuck with Faith until she's weak and they can take her out. Something like that happened a few years ago, it could happen again.

"Here," Dawn says and sets something down on the coffee table in front of me. I look at it for a few seconds before it really registers in my brain. It's a glass of red wine. I must really look freaked out if my baby sister thinks I need a drink. "Try not to worry so much, ok? Faith is in great hands. You know Willow will do everything in her power to keep her safe." I pick up the offered glass and take a big gulp. I know that's rude or whatever, but I don't really care right now. I think a glass or two will help calm me down. Willow showed up at the house this morning around nine with a bag of magical stuff. Mostly just crystals to help channel her energy. She said that what she's doing is very sensitive and if there's the slightest interruption it could ruin the whole thing. So I packed up some bags for me and the kids, and now we're staying at Dawn's.

"I know that Dawn, but things go wrong all the time. Willow said this spell is very sensitive. And when they're in the trance they're completely helpless. What if it's a demon that's making Faith have those dreams and this is just what it was waiting for? What if it attacks them while they're inside Faith's mind?" These are all very valid questions but Dawn doesn't look so convinced. I take another large swallow of my wine and she takes a little sip of hers. She's been having a very rough few days and I guess she could really use a drink too. I mean, what with Kyle coming back and her feelings for Michael are as strong as ever and all of it is confusing the hell out of her. I would be confused to. If she goes back to Kyle there's always the possibility that he won't be able to handle the demands of stepfather-hood and take off. And she isn't sure if Michael can forgive her for keeping him away from the boys.

"That's why Kennedy and four other very experienced slayers are guarding the house just in case. So drink your wine, and stop pouting, ok? It might have been cute when you were five but it's annoying now." Whatever, my pouting has always been and will always be cute. All I have to do is stick out my lip and whimper a little and Faith'll do pretty much anything. Like the time I pouted and even cried a little bit when I wanted her to pick up some Chinese food. Normally it's not a big deal, but it was one in the morning. That was when I was pregnant with Joey. I woke up with this huge craving for Chinese, and I was on bed rest so it's not like I could have gone out and done it myself.

"I just want all of this to go away. I want those dreams or whatever to stop happening so Faith can get better. She's just so convinced that it's her future she's seeing. If things stop now before she sees anything worst then she'll be able to forget about it and move on. She's taken a lot of the stuff that's happened so hard." Dawn gives me a questioning look and I realize that I still haven't told Dawn anything about the things Faith has told me. I sigh and take another sip of wine. I need to talk to someone about this because it is a little…upsetting, and I've been putting on a brave face for Faith but some of things she's told me have hurt a little. "Apparently her alternate self is having an affair with some twenty-something year old hussy from work. My alternate self is bitter and cold and just turning a blind eye on everything that's going on.

"She's only seen Joseph and Addison. From what she's told me Addison is completely spoiled, and bratty and thinks she can get away with anything. Joseph is…resentful towards her. He blames the failed marriage on Faith, and he barley talks to her, and when he does he's really hateful. But my Faith doesn't spoil Addison like the other Faith does. And in one dream Addison wanted to go out with her boyfriend and Faith could just tell by the way Addison was acting that the two were going to sleep together. So Faith told her she couldn't go. Addison tried to leave anyway, and they ended up yelling at each other, and when she tried to leave Faith grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back. Addison hit her, and Faith just lost it. She bent Addison over the couch and spanked her with her belt." I look over at Dawn and she's completely speechless.

"She felt so bad about it, so guilty and horrible that for almost a week she would drink herself to sleep. And then she finally told me what she saw. She broke down in my arms and cried so hard that she almost got sick. What she told me…it freaked me out a little, but what she's seeing isn't real, and if it is then it's some weird alternate universe. Faith would never beat our children. She doesn't even spank them when they do something bad." I take another big drink from my glass and it's almost gone. Dawn notices and picks the bottle up from the coffee table and refills it. Thank God for little sisters. Ok, I don't want to talk about me anymore. I'm freaked out enough as it is, I don't want to add to it. "So, have you made any decisions about Kyle?" I know it's a long shot, but I need the focus off of me.

"No, not yet. I just don't think it's the right time. The boys are so young that they don't really understand what dating is, and kids this age can be very clingy to the parent of the opposite sex, and I don't want them to be jealous of Kyle." I try not to smile but it's really hard. I can't believe she's using the boys as an excuse not to date again. I know what the real reason is, it's written all over her face. I give her an 'and the real reason is?' type of look and she sighs. That means she's close to caving. "Ok, so that isn't all of it. I am worried that the boys are going to get super jealous. It's just, what if things don't work out? Kyle took off once when things got really fucked up. So what if they get fucked up again? Is he just going to leave me alone to deal with it by myself? And Michael says that he agrees on the custody arrangement now but he might not want the boys around Kyle and he could sue for sole custody.

"I just don't know what to do. Everything with Kyle would be familiar because we were together for so long. So am I only slightly interested because I still love him or because I want to feel safe and secure? I just can't figure any of it out and it's driving me crazy." I give her a minute to catch her breath and think because I know she has more to say. "I do want to find someone though. Things are so…I get lonely, especially at night and in the mornings when I wake up early. I miss falling asleep next to someone, and waking up in their arms. I miss feeling their breath on the back of my neck while I fall asleep." Aww, my poor baby sister. She's just so cute sometimes. I get it, I do. I always feel really lonely whenever Faith and I sleep apart. I watch as the expression on Dawn's face changes. She goes from being a little sad, to a little angry. Hmm, that's weird. "And for three years the only thing that's touched my nethers has run on batteries."

"Oh my God!" I say a little louder then I probably should have considering the kids are asleep, but dammit Dawn! "I can't know that." She has a little smile on her face now and I feel like I could reach over and strangle her. I get that my little sister is a warm blooded human being with needs of the sexual kind. But she's my little sister. I don't want to think about someone putting their hands on her in a sexual way because that puts me in a murdering mood. I could have killed Michael for taking her virginity. I would have too if Faith hadn't stopped me from leaving. Ok, we need to talk about something else other then my sister's sex life. "How are the boys doing? I haven't been here in a while." I take a very long sip of wine, and savor the taste for a few seconds before I swallow.

"You were here three days ago." So? A lot can happen in three days. I give her a 'humor me' sort of look and she swallows the last bit of her wine and refills the glass. "They're doing ok. They've been asking a lot of questions about Michael. They think he's the coolest thing since sliced bread and they want to see him again. I'm glad they're so…excited about him. It'll make sending them to L.A. a little easier. I don't know what I'm going to do when they're gone. I schedule my entire life around there's, you know? After work I pick them up from daycare, we come home and I spend half an hour coloring with them and we just talk about their day and stuff like that. Then I cook dinner, and after dinner they have an hour of play time, then it's bath time, then I read them a story, and tuck them in and then I stay up for an hour or two watching TV or catching up on work."

"That's what happens, Dawnie. You have a baby, well in your case babies, and suddenly your only real job in life is making sure they're happy, and safe. Every once in a while Faith and I will ask Chris, or Willow and Sky to watch the kids for a day or two so that we can have some uninterrupted 'grown up' time." Yes I used air quotes. "But after a while we miss." Dawn gives me a sad look and I think I know why. She's probably thinking something like 'if Buffy can't last a day or two how am I going to last a week?' I know because that's how well I know my little sister now. And because I know I would miss my kids like crazy if I had to be away from them for a week. Especially if the house was completely empty. "You can always get a dog. That way you have someone to keep you company while the boys are gone." She looks up at me and then kinda zones out for a minute or two.

"You know that's a pretty good idea. The boys say they want a dog every time they see one at the park or when the neighbors take theirs for a walk. Maybe I'll go to the shelter and get a puppy when they go to Michael's for the first time. It can be a surprise for when they get back." I smile a little and take another sip of my wine. The alcohol is starting to kick in and I'm feeling a little more relaxed. I'm still worried about Faith and Willow but it's not as bad as it was before. Like I said earlier: thank God for little sisters. Some wine is exactly what I needed to calm me down. Maybe I'll be able to fall asleep tonight, but I doubt it. I'm going to be waiting for the phone call telling me that everything is ok and I can go home.

Not only that, but the sleeping arrangements are a little weird. Matthew is staying in the guest bedroom, Addison is sleeping on the floor in the boys' room, Joseph is sleeping in Alex's bed, and Nick and Alex are sharing a bed tonight. So that means I get to either sleep on Dawn's very uncomfortable couch, or I can share a bed with her. I opted for sharing a bed with her. She may have gotten a cheap couch but she didn't skimp on the bed. But I don't want to worry about that. It's only nine thirty. Matthew is in the bedroom but I told him he could stay up until eleven. School is starting in a couple days and he's a little bummed about summer ending, so I'm letting him stay up later then normal.

"Buffy, please stop worrying. Faith is going to be ok." Huh? I wasn't worrying just now. Ok, so maybe I was a little. But she doesn't understand. She thought she wouldn't be able to live without Kyle when they were still together, but she did. She had to be strong for her boys. But I honestly don't know if I'd be able to do that. If I could go on after losing Faith. I love her so much, and she's a huge part of my life. I need her probably more then she needs me, and if she died I don't think I'd be able to move on. So no, I can't stop worrying. I can't stop worrying about what's going to happen if something bad happens. Will I be able to move on? Will our kids be ok? Will Joseph even remember Faith if she dies or disappears?

"I can't. You don't know what it's like, Dawn. You're strong, you're self sufficient. You can handle everything by yourself even if you don't want to. But I don't know if I can live without Faith. She's everything to me. Before Faith and I got together I used to think that I needed to be able to depend on no one but me. But when I woke up in that motel room when we left the crater that used to be Sunnydale, and Faith was there with a glass of water, and she took really good care of me. I remember I tried to stand up from the bed to use the bathroom but the wound in my stomach pulled, and I fell forward and right before I hit the ground Faith caught me. I looked up into her eyes, and she smiled this cute, nervous, dimply smile and I knew right then that I'd never be able to live without her." I look down at the dark liquid in my glass and swirl it around a little before I down it in one gulp.

"Not to bring up bad memories or anything but what about that time the two of you broke up? You were apart for two or three months before you finally got back together." I pour myself another glass of wine and try not to tear up. I was such a bitch back then. You have no idea. If you knew half of the things I said to her you'd probably hate me forever. I know you would hate me forever. I don't really know why we grew so far apart. I think it was just everything finally catching up to me and I didn't know how to open up to Faith about it. I just took it out on her. I cried myself to sleep every night we were apart. Well, not every night. The night I was with that redhead I didn't cry, but a couple nights later I had a big break down about it.

"I didn't move on. I wasn't really living, Dawn. I thought about her every second of every day and she was just at Xander's place, and he only lived fifteen minutes away from us." I take a big gulp of my wine, and sigh a very heavy sigh. I don't want to think about this anymore. "I'm gonna head on up to bed." I finish the glass and set it down on the coffee table. Dawn looks a little rejected but I just need to get out of this room. I'm freaking out enough about Faith and Willow going on the mind trip, I don't need a guilt trip about stuff that happened years ago. I slowly walk up the stairs so I won't wake the kids up. I go into Dawn's room and pull my pajamas out of my duffle bag. I packed enough clothes to be gone for three days but I doubt we're going to be here that long. At least I hope it doesn't last that long.

Anyway, I pull my pajamas on and turn out the lights. I wait a few seconds for my eyes to adjust, and then I crawl under the covers. Even though Dawn's bed is really comfortable I don't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight. Not just because I'm really worried about Faith and Willow, but because it just isn't the same. I've been falling asleep next to Faith for years now, and my body is just too used to it. When I went to Ohio right after Addison was born to try and whip those junior slayers into shape I had a lot of trouble falling asleep. I had a lot of trouble doing anything when I was by myself. I didn't know what to do. My entire life is planned around my family, that's just what happens when you become a mother. I wasn't used to having alone time. And I didn't want to get used to it.

I don't look over when the door opens. I know it's Dawn because I heard her walking towards the room. She hesitates for a few seconds before she walks in the room. I guess she's debating whether or not she should turn on the overhead light. I don't wait for her to make a decision. I roll over and turn on the lamp that's on the nightstand. I roll back over and close my eyes. I listen while she walks in the room and closes the door. Then she walks over to the dresser, and opens up one of the drawers. She strips down and changes into her pajamas and crawls under the covers. I don't wait for her to say anything before I roll over and turn off the lamp. I stay that way, with my back to her and just focus on breathing. I can't think about Faith and Willow, or what could happen to them, and what will happen to me and the kids if something bad happens to them. I can't think about that or I'll break down and I don't want to break down.

I feel Dawn's hand on my back and I tense up a little bit. I definitely wasn't expecting that. Even though I'm tense she doesn't stop moving forward. My sister knows me a lot better then I've been willing to admit. She knows I don't really want to be alone right now, but I'm too vulnerable and stubborn to ask for help. She also knows that right now I just need someone to hold me, no matter who it is. I really want it to be Faith, but right now I'd settle for someone I only kind of know. I'm glad it's Dawn that's wrapping her arms around me and gently stroking my hair. In the past we weren't very close because of our age difference, but now that she's older and experienced a lot of things and can understand life a lot better then a teenager can we're very close.

Even though she's whispering to me that it's ok to break down, and it's ok to cry and be sad and worried I refuse to let the tears come. If I break down then it's like I'm giving up, and if I give up and something goes wrong it'll be my fault. At least that's how it'll feel. So right now I'm not going to do anything but lie here and focus on Willow figuring out what's wrong with my wife and fixing it. And then when all of this is over I can lie in Faith's arms again and she can be the one to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me that everything is going to be ok now. Then when she's done working on that bike, and she gets paid we can go away to Hawaii with our babies, and just enjoy each other. We can just relax and forget about being slayers, and just focus on being a normal family, whatever that means.

FPOV

"I'm sorry. We got too close. I was trying to get as close as possible, but the pull kept getting stronger and by the time I realized we needed to move it was already sucking us in," Red says in a panicked voice. I'm not really paying attention to what she's saying. I'm pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. We landed in the driveway of the house, of my house, only it isn't mine. And we're really here. Not our subconscious selves but us, flesh and bone or however you want to describe it. She already tried using her magic to get us back but something is blocking her. So now we're stuck in a world where my wife hates me, my kids hate me, and I wasn't even sure it was real. We're in an alternate universe, well Red is calling it an alternate dimension but what's the difference?

"My magic isn't working because of the other me," she says I stop pacing and look over at her. I raise an eyebrow but I don't say anything. "We're in their world, so they're the dominate ones. And only one of us can have the powers in the same time at the same time. If they were to go to our dimension then we'd be the one with the powers." What does she mean by 'we'? I give her a questioning look and she already knows what I'm going to ask. "You don't have any slayer powers. Try it, try lifting that car up." I look over at the SUV in the driveway and shake my head a little bit. This is fucking ridiculous. I have to have my powers without them I'm…nothing. I walk over to the large black car and put my hands under the rear bumper. I try to lift it but nothing happens. Ok, that's just fucked.

"What the fuck are we going to do?" I ask and walk over to her. The street looks exactly like the one in our world. Same houses, same yards, same trash cans, same street lights, stuff like that, but there are a few differences. The kids running around playing on the sidewalks, enjoying the last few days of summer vacation are different. The cars are different, the paint on a couple of the houses are different colors. Because we're not just in a different dimension, we're in the future. A future where my alternate ego is cheating on Buffy, spoils her daughter rotten, and her teenage son hates her. I don't know how we're going to get out of here. If Red can't use her magic then we have to convince the other one that we're from a different world, and we need her help, if she's even here. Maybe she doesn't live in Lincoln Nevada like this Willow.

"Knock on the door, and see if someone's home?" she says and give her a weird look. Yeah, that sounds like a fantastic idea. "Look, the sooner we make contact the sooner we're going to get home. Who knows how long we've been gone already. Time moves differently in different dimensions. We've only been here for twenty minutes but in our world an hour could have passed, or a day, or a week, a month, maybe a year, or years. Do you really want to wait and find out?" She has a point. I don't want to be gone longer then I have to, and I don't want to miss out on that much. Why does she have to freak me out like that? Years could have passed? So my kids could already be grown up and Buffy could be completely moved on and married to someone else? I really don't think I can handle that.

"Alright, but you're gonna have to do most of the talking since I have no fuckin clue what's going on." She nods her head and we both look over at the house. It looks a little different. There are different flowers along the walkway and the rain gutter isn't broken anymore. Either I finally got off my lazy ass and fixed it or Buffy hired someone. I'm going to just assume Buffy hired someone. I take the lead and start to walk up the walkway. Willow is right behind me and I can tell she's a little nervous. I have no idea how this is going to go down, but I'm hoping for the best. If nobody wants to cooperate with us then we're totally fucked, and we'll be stuck here forever. Either that or we'll have to find somebody who can help us go to a different dimension.

I just stand in front of the door and look at it for a few minutes. How can everything look almost exactly the same but be so fucking different at the same time? It's weird, and I don't like it. I want to be able to talk to this Buffy without the anger, and the hatred and this look that she gets on her face like I've let her down. I've seen it, and I don't want to see it anymore. But this needs to be done. If I chicken out just because I'm afraid of my wife's lookalike then we could be stuck here forever and that's the last thing I want. So I knock on the door and just wait. There's a car in the driveway but that doesn't mean someone is home. Buffy could be at a neighbor's house or something. Suddenly the door opens and a very pissed of B is looking me dead in the eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing here? I told you to never come back. Don't you fucking understand? Nobody wants you here. Why can't you just leave us alone?" Ok, so this is going to be just as hard as I thought it was. I don't know what to say at first. We just stare at each other for a few seconds. Then she starts to close the door, and I panic. I step forward and put my hand on the door so she can't close it. She looks into my eyes and I think I just pissed myself. I've never seen that much rage and hatred in her eyes before. "Who do you think you are? Get the fuck out of here. Go back to your little whore." So I guess I'm not just cheating on B anymore, I moved in with that tramp. Great, this is just great.

"Buffy, can we just go inside and talk? You've got it all wrong, and we'll explain everything. Can we please go inside so we can tell you what's going on?" I can tell just by looking at her face she isn't going to let me in that door. Desperate times call for desperate measures or however the fuck that saying goes. "Look, I'm not the Faith you know. Willow and I are from a different dimension, and we need to get home. Please, will you help us?" She looks over at Willow and eyes her up and down. Then she eyes me up and down and I guess she's deciding what to do. Her face is a blank slate and I have no idea what she's thinking. I need her to believe me or we're so totally fucked. And not in a good way either. Then she sighs, and holds the door open a little wider.

"You can come in, but if you're lying to me I swear to God you won't leave here alive." I nod my head and look over at Willow. She looks as scared as I feel. Buffy is not the type of person you want to fuck with when she's pissed. And this Buffy has enough rage in her to keep a small army fighting to the end. I know that sounded pretty stupid, but it's true. Anyway, she turns around and starts to walk into the house. We have to hurry to keep up with her. I guess she doesn't believe us. But why would we make this up? Is the other Faith trying to get her back or something? I don't get it, but I don't really want to know. The less I know about this world the better. I'm still not convinced that this isn't my future, and I don't want to become the woman Buffy hates so much. "Ok, so explain." She sits down in the recliner in the living room. I sit down on the couch and Red sits down next to me.

"For a while now Faith has been having these really strange dreams. At first I thought a demon was casting a spell to try and weaken her, but I couldn't find anything like that." Willow leans forward a little so she's closer to Buffy. "I did a spell that allowed me to go inside of Faith's mind and subconscious. I found a…a portal into this dimension. I have no idea how it was opened, but the pull was strong enough to suck us both in. My powers aren't working, and I can't get us back to our dimension by myself. I need to talk to the other Willow or a really powerful witch who's familiar with dimension hopping if we're going to get back before too much time passes." I can't help but notice the expressions that are crossing Buffy's face while Willow talks. First she doesn't seem to believe her, then she looks a little sad and angry, but now it's like a little light bulb has gone off in her mind and she understand something she didn't before.

"So those dreams you were having weren't really dreams, you were really coming here?" she asks and she looks…suspicious I guess. I nod my head and her face pales. "I knew something was wrong. Faith may be a cheating, lying bitch but she'd never hurt our daughter. You did that, didn't you? You're the one who beat my daughter with a belt, and then just left her there." She sounds so pissed, and all I can do is nod. I had a feeling she was going to ask about that. Willow looks over at me, and her eyes are wide and she looks shocked. This was the part I didn't want Red to know. Now she's never going to look at me the same, and I hate it. "Why did you do it?" She doesn't sound as pissed off as before. She sounds…sad, and like she's about to cry or something.

"I don't know. In my world Addy is still a little girl, and she isn't spoiled like that. Your Addy was going out with her boyfriend and I could just tell that she was going to sleep with him. I told her she couldn't go, and she told me to go fuck myself. I grabbed her by the arm so she couldn't leave and she hit me, and I just lost it. I'm so sorry. I never meant to do anything like that. I've never hit any of my children ever." I look into her hazel eyes, and she just stares right back. I have tears rolling down my cheeks, and I can tell she wants to make them stop. My Buffy can't stand to see me cry, so it's not a surprise that this one can't either. She calms down and I stop crying. I didn't want to do that but it needed to be done. If she's going to help us then we need her not pissed off at me or she might not cooperate.

"So what exactly do you need?" she asks looking at Red. Ok, I guess she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Which I get, I mean I did beat her daughter with a belt. I don't really pay attention as Red starts to go down the list of things she'll need. I'm too busy listening to the rest of the house. Someone's upstairs, I can hear them walking around. I wonder if the kids are home. I'm a little afraid to ask because I know she isn't going to let me see them. It would be nice, though, to see what my kids are going to look like when they get older. Seeing them is the only thing I like about having these dreams, or whatever the fuck was happening. "But if her subconscious was getting sucked through the portal in her sleep then how did she get back to your reality?" That's a really good question. Yeah, Red, how did I get back?

"Whoever cast the spell didn't have enough magic to keep her here. When we were in Faith's mind the portal fed off of my magic and became strong enough to suck us both in. And not just our subconscious but our bodies too. I can't use my magic, and Faith doesn't have her slayer powers because only one set of us can have the power, and magic at the same time in the same time." Didn't she say that part already? Oh, right, she only explained it to me. I guess she's going to be saying this little speech a lot. "Because we're in your world the Faith and Willow who live here are the dominate ones, so they get to keep the powers." Buffy nods her head and her eyebrows scrunch up a little bit. I love it when she gets that look on her face. Well, I love it when my Buffy gets that look on her face.

"So the only way to get you home is to get the Willow of this reality to send you back and then close the portal?" she asks and Willow nods her head a little bit. I'm assuming that the Red here is just as powerful as the one from my reality. "There's a little problem with that plan. I don't know what it's like in your reality but here Willow and I don't talk much. Well, we don't talk at all. She was dating someone who was abusive, and treated her horribly. I wanted her to dump him, but she kept saying no, and finally I went too far. I threatened the guy, told him to leave and never come back or I'd kill him. He left, and he never came back, and Willow still hasn't forgiven me. That was five years ago, and no nobody but Giles knows where she's living, and he won't tell us. I guess he's sworn to secrecy or something." Great. Just fuckin great.

"Wait, the other me was dating a guy?" she asks and I smile a little bit. She sounds so confused, it's kind of…cute, I guess. Yes, I just called Red cute. It's not a big deal. Don't freak out about it. Buffy nods her head a little and she has this look on her face like 'what else would she be dating?' "That's a little strange." Buffy looks even more confused now. Damn, maybe this one really is a natural blonde. "I'm gay. I had a boyfriend in high school and some of my freshman year of college, but then I met a woman who opened my eyes to a different way of thinking." Or a different way of fucking. Buffy's eyes open up wide and her mouth makes this little o shape and she nods her head a couple of times. "Why are you so surprised? I thought you were gay." Willow looks over at me with this 'what the hell?' look on her face and I just shrug.

"I am. But come on, you being gay, it's just a little weird that's all. I've been out and proud since I started dating Faith, but there's no way you can be gay." Ok, I think we need to end this conversation before Red goes off on one of her freedom of choice rants that she gets into whenever a waiter or waitress gives us strange looks whenever we go out of double takes. Yes, Buffy makes me go out on double dates with Willow and Sky. They aren't so bad but I'd still rather be at home reading a magazine or dancing at a club then eating in some fancy restaurant getting strange looks from everyone else. "I wasn't trying to offend you. I'm sorry. I'm just a little wigged out by all of this. So, there's another me out there somewhere?" I nod my head and she looks even more curious. "What is it like in your reality?" I look over at Willow to see if it's ok, and she just shrugs her shoulders.

"The biggest difference is the time. Here the kids are teenagers, but where we come from Mattie's thirteen, Addy is six, and Joey is three. They can be real brats sometimes, but I love 'em to death. Seeing them so grown is up pretty cool. That's the first thing my Buffy wants to know about when I wake up from one of those dreams. She likes hearing about what the kids look like, and what they sound like, and how they dress and stuff like that. Lately the dreams have been different though." I guess she can just tell by the look on my face that I'm talking about the cheating. She just nods her head and looks sad. Then she gets this look on her face, this weird little questioning look, and I have no idea what it means. She looks into my eyes and kinda tilts her head to the side.

"Who's Mattie?" she asks and my heart stops. Not literally but it feels like it. Please tell me she didn't get an abortion. "Wait, you have an older son too?" I nod my head and I guess she comes to a conclusion about something. "We had a son in our senior year of college, but his name is Daniel, the other you always calls him Danny." Oh. Weird, I wonder why they named him that. Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter. "Where did you get the name Mattie?" I guess the name difference matters to her. I sigh a little bit as I think about it. I don't have to think to know how we got the name, but if this Buffy is anything like mine then she'll want the whole story.

"We couldn't decide on a name. Buffy wanted to name him Robert, and I wanted to name him Casey. We just couldn't decide and you only have a week to think about it and then the hospital has to write something down. So it was the day before the deadline and we were arguing about the name, and Dawn looked down at him and said 'what about Matthew? He kind of looks like a Matthew.' And I picked him up and looked into his eyes and we both just knew that that name was perfect. How did you get Daniel?" The little smile on her face changes from amusement to one of those smiles people get when they think about a happy memory. She shifts a little in the chair and finally speaks up.

"When I went into labor there was this big traffic jam on the freeway. Faith was completely freaking out because she had no idea what to do. I was in the backseat and freaking out because my contractions were getting closer together. He was coming, and he wasn't going to wait for me to be in a hospital. I just started yelling 'the baby is coming' over and over again. Faith jumped out of the car and ran around to the back and opened up the door. When she looked between my legs she almost fainted, and the next thing I know some guy is standing right behind her. He said he'd delivered a baby before and said he could help. Faith tried to calm me down, but it was scary, and painful, but it was the most wonderful thing to happen to me. It felt like I was part of something bigger, you know?" I nod my head because I do. I got that feeling when I was giving birth to Addy.

"The man who helped me was a doctor. Not an ob but he had a medical kit so he had some little scissors and Faith cut the cord, and the guy stitched up the little nub, or whatever it's called. He stayed with us until I was checked in at the hospital. He gave us our privacy but he was always there just waiting and watching just in case something happened. Before he left Faith asked him what his name was and it just seemed so perfect. So Daniel is named after the man who delivered him." Wow, that was a good story. I wonder what else is different about our lives. If the other Willow doesn't want to cooperate I guess we're going to have a long time to share and find out. "Is Dawn the man who delivered Matthew?" What the fuck is she talking about?

"No. Dawn is your sister." She gives me a weird look like I just grew a second head or something. Ok, um, that's another really big difference. "Ok, well, in my reality you have a little sister named Dawn. She was a key to a demon dimension and some monks shaped her into a human, and sent her to you. They did a spell to give everyone memories so you'd all think she was there the whole time." Now she's looking at me like I grew another head, turned purple, sprouted horns, and have puss seeping through my pores. "I take it that didn't happen." She shakes her head no, and then her eyebrows wrinkle up like they always do when she's confused.

"If Dawn was a key to a demon dimension then why did they send her to me? Shouldn't they have sent her somewhere where she would be safe?" And what the fuck is she talking about? Buffy was the slayer at the time. I was just the loser serving a life sentence. Or maybe that didn't happen. Now I really want to know all about their lives, and what is different. Maybe it could have happened to me if the circumstances were different, you know?

"Well, they knew you would keep her safe from Glory, the hell god who was after her. They knew that the slayer would kill anyone who tried to hurt her family." Well, she didn't kill me. Which is a good thing. Now she looks even more confused and I have no idea what to expect. I guess I should stop trying to guess what's going to come out of her mouth since I have no fucking clue. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out really slow. She sighed, I guess you could say.

"I'm not the slayer. Faith is the slayer." I look over at Willow and she has the same 'what the hell?' look on her face. Then I look over at Buffy and give her my questioning look. She rolls her eyes and tries not to get irritated. I've seen that look a lot. Trust me I know she's trying to stay in control of her anger. "I moved to Sunnydale in my sophomore year of high school after my parents divorced. Faith was one of the most popular girls in school. She wasn't in with the preppies or the cheerleaders or anything. She just looked out for everyone, made sure the jocks didn't pick on the geeks too much. One day I was getting a drink from the fountain and she asked me out. We've been together ever since. I mean, things haven't always been easy, and I do have a lot of regrets, but I'm glad I didn't turn her down." That is so fucked.

"So your Faith grew up in California, she's not from Boston?" I ask and she shakes her head no. What a different a coast makes. Well, I guess I shouldn't be comparing myself to the other Faith. She may have been the queen b, had a nice life, and all of that shit, but look where she is now. She's cheating on her wife, in a marriage where they hate each other, and the kids are taking the other parent's side. Except for when Addy wants something then she's all about me. "Ok, we need to focus here if we're going to get back to our own reality before too much time passes. You're still talking to Giles right?" She nods her head yes and I sigh a breath of relief. "Good, 'cause we're gonna need a lot of books, and a lot of coffee. So was I your first or did Angel steal you away for a while?"

BPOV

I can't believe this is happening. How completely insane is this? My wife's…alter ego is sitting in my living room with Willow's alter ego, drinking coffee and trying to figure out a way to get home. This morning I woke up and planned on taking things easy. Things have been so stressful for so long, and I'm exhausted. I just wanted one day of nothing thinking about anything. The kids can take care of themselves for a day. I was going to lock myself in my room and just stay in bed and do nothing and it was going to be great. But then this happened, and now I have no peace. Not only that but now I'm a liar. Ok, so I'm not really a liar. Willow was in an abusive relationship, and I did step in but that's not why she moved and that's not why we haven't said a word to each other in five years.

We're not talking because the night I ran Kevin out of here, I figured it was something to celebrate about. I went out and picked up some Chinese from our favorite place and I was going to do something special with Faith. When I got home I put the food down on the kitchen counter and tiptoed upstairs to surprise my wife. I thought she would be getting ready for bed since it was pretty late. What I saw when I opened the door was my wife and my best friend in my bed, completely naked, grinding against each other and grunting like animals. You're probably thinking that I freaked out. That I started calling both of them names like whores and sluts, and tried to do something violent. I didn't. I got in my car, I picked the kids up from their friends' houses and we left. I didn't bother to pack any suitcases or anything like that.

We drove for five hours straight. Addison talked a lot, asked where we were going and what was wrong. She finally gave up after awhile and the rest of the ride was in silence. I pulled over into the parking lot of one of those twenty-four hour gas stations mostly so the kids could stretch their legs. I filled up the car with gas and let them buy some junk food and sodas. I normally don't let them eat stuff like that but when your whole world shatters in less then two minutes your priorities change. I said two minutes because that's how long I stood there and watched them. That's how long I was standing in the doorway just staring at them and they didn't even look up. They just kept grinding against each other, not saying a word, and I don't think their eyes were even open. I realized right then that nothing was going to be the same, and even though I'm forty-five years old I needed my mommy.

Anyway, we got back in the car and drove the three and a half hours to my mom's house. Addison and Joseph stayed in the guest bedrooms. I stayed in my mom's room, curled up in her bed, crying my eyes out for three days. Sometimes my mom was there to try and calm me down, sometimes she wasn't, but it didn't really matter. I hardly noticed when she was in the room because I was too wrapped up in dying inside. At least that's what it felt like. The second day we were there Faith called. I didn't want to talk to her. I have no idea how that conversation would have gone. I didn't want to her hear any of her excuses or apologies. The kids talked to her, and my mom told her that if she calls again not to ask for me. I felt a little better knowing no one was going to try and force me to do the adult thing.

When I got back to Lincoln I could barely contain my anger. As soon as I walked in the door I started screaming at Faith. All I could see was her, sitting on the couch in her fucking bathrobe, and everything else just faded away. I didn't really even know what I was saying. I was just so pissed off and I needed to vent. In my mind she was the perfect thing to vent on. She kept quiet for a while until I questioned her on why she did it. She said she didn't really know how it happened. That one second she was talking to Willow, and then next they were kissing, and the next they were in the bed. I didn't believe her, and I wanted some better answers. She couldn't give them to me, or she wouldn't so I left. I was still pissed off and I needed to get it out or it would have killed me. At least that's how it felt. I probably shouldn't have done what I did, but there's no changing that now.

I went over to Willow's place and had it out with her. I said some pretty hurtful things, but I didn't care. She was going through a tough time but that's no excuse to sleep with my wife. After screaming at her for a while I got in my car and drove off. Willow packed up and moved that night, and I haven't heard from her since. I know it's a very fucked up situation. You don't have to tell me that. It's been hard dealing with it all, and I've become numb to the situation. Our marriage ended that day, and neither of us have made a real attempt to fix it. I stopped having sex with her because it felt wrong. Then she started sleeping with a girl she works with, some twenty-something year old hussy. I hate the person I've become, and I hate where we ended up but there's nothing we can do about that now.

"Mom!" Great, I was really hoping they would just stay upstairs. I hear Addison stomping down the stairs like a freight train, and I walk into the living room. If she sees Faith in there she's going to freak out. I kicked Faith out because Addison is too afraid to be around her. Ok, so that's my excuse. I'm sure Addison would have gotten over it, but it gave me a perfect excuse to kick Faith out of the house without having to explain to the kids that their mother has been cheating on me for five years. "Mom I'm gonna be late for soccer practice!" Shit, I forgot that was today. I rush into the living room about the same time as Addison, and she stops dead in her tracks as soon as she sees Faith. "Mom!" God she sounds so scared. "Mom, get in here!" I walk further into the room and she finally spots me. She runs over to my side and puts her hand on my arm. She'll never admit it because she has too much pride, but she's terrified.

"It's ok, sweetie." I know she's going to argue. She gets that same look on her face that Faith gets right before she starts arguing. "Addison, don't look at me like that. This isn't really Mama or Willow. These women are from another dimension and they need our help to get home." She gives me a weird look, and then looks over at Faith and Willow. They're both standing up now, and they look a little nervous. "Joseph, will you come down here please?" I might as well get the introductions over and done with. The kids help out sometimes with the research of demons, but I don't know if they're going to be helping out this time or not. We wait for him to stomp down the stairs and when he walks out into the living room he stops and glares at Faith and Willow. I don't know if it's because he's the youngest but he's definitely taking the split the hardest.

"What the fuck are they doing here?" he asks and takes a step towards Faith. I guess he plans on kicking her out. I can't believe how much he changed. He used to be so happy and easy going. Ever since the car accident four years ago he's been like this. None of us have been the same after that, but he's the worst and nothing is helping the situation. I run forward because I can tell he's about to lose control. I get in between him and the other two and he looks like he's mad enough to hit me. I know he won't, he'd never hurt me, but he looks like he could. "What are they doing here?" I put my hand on his shoulder. His face is turning really red, and he's tense and shaking all over. I hate it when he gets like this.

"It's ok, sweetie, just let me explain ok?" He glances over my shoulder and glares at them. I can tell he's looking at Faith. He blames everything on her. I gently touch his cheek and make him look at me. His browns eyes are so full of anger, and hate, and it's breaking my heart all over again. "These women aren't the ones that we know. They're from a different dimension, and they were brought here by a portal. They want to get home very badly and we need to help them before something bad happens. If seeing them is going to be too upsetting, then you can go over to Jimmy's until we get this sorted out. It's ok if you don't want to look at them. It's hard for me too, but these women haven't done anything wrong to us." Except Faith beat my baby with a belt, but I can't blame her for that. At least not right now. After we send them back I'll explain to Addison that it wasn't her mother that treated her so horribly.

"It's really not her?" he asks and he's starting to calm down now. His breathing is slower, and a little steadier, and his face isn't as red. I shake my head no, and he lets out a really big sigh. The rest of his body starts to relax a little and I try not to sigh in relief. He hates it when I do that. He gets so angry so fast, and most of the time it's gone just as soon as it came. It's been happening since the accident, and like I said nothing is helping him. I stroke his cheek with my thumb a couple of times and then I give him a little smile. He doesn't smile back but I can tell he's way calmer then he was before. I turn around and face the dimension hoppers, and Faith looks a little freaked out. I guess she got the feeling that he was really going to hurt her. I don't blame her. I was getting that feeling too. "Faith, Willow, this is Joseph and Addison, but she likes to be called Addy." Addison waves at them and Willow waves back. Faith just nods.

"So you guys are from, like, another reality?" she asks and I roll my eyes. It seemed like ever since she hit puberty she uses the word 'like' way too much. Faith nods her head and Addison's face lights up. Ever since she found out that dimension hopping does exist outside of science fiction she's wanted to go to an alternate reality, or meet someone from an alternate reality. Well, now she's getting her wish. I never thought it was going to happen, obviously, but I think it's safe to say she's going to be missing soccer practice today. "What's it like there? Do I exist? How different is it from here?" Wow, she's full of questions. Faith raises an eyebrow and sits back down on the couch. Willow sits down next to her, and Addison sits down in the chair. I sit down on the arm of the chair and Joseph sits on the floor by the coffee table. He always sits there. He's a little strange.

"Well, uh," she looks over at me, and she looks a little unsure. So she's leaving this up to me huh? I guess it's considerate that she wants my permission to tell my children how much better her reality is. She and the other Buffy are still happily married, they haven't cheated on each other, and nothing horrible has happened to their family. At least not from what she told me. I nod my head and she sighs a little. I guess she's trying to figure out how to word it without upsetting them. "It's very different from here. We're about nine years in the passed so both of you are still little kids." I look down and Addison is smiling very wide. I don't know why, but she is. It's a little creepy if you ask me. "And Willow here is into the Sapphic lifestyle." Addison laughs, but then covers her mouth up. Yeah, that was my reaction too, but I'm sure you remember.

"Did you sleep with her?" Joseph asks. I tense up as soon as the words fall from his mouth. I look over at him with a glare on my face but he's ignoring me. His eyes are focused on Faith, and she looks totally confused. And this is what I get for lying. How did I know it was going to come back and bite me in the ass? "Aunt Willow moved away because the other you slept with her, and my mom freaked out. So have you slept with her?" He glances over at the Willow sitting on the couch and then back to Faith. She shakes her head no and she looks a little freaked out. So does Willow. Joseph scoffs at that, and I shake my head a little. He either doesn't believe her or he's already thinking that her world is better then ours. Maybe he's right. Maybe their world is better then ours, but that's no reason to act like that.

"I think that's enough sharing for one day," I say and stand up. Addison starts to protest but I give her a look and she quiets down. "You're going to be late for soccer practice." She nods her head and stands up. I give her a once over and I have to admit that she's growing up really fast. I kind of wish I can go back with Faith and see my baby girl when she's just a little kid. Right now she's wearing her practice uniform, and it actually shows off her figure. I think she ordered the shirt form fitting on purpose. She has her hair back in a ponytail, and I always like it when she wears her hair back. It makes her look more like a young woman then a teenage girl. She hates it when I say that, especially in front of her friends. She gets so embarrassed, it's cute.

"I'll have Stephen give me a ride since you're gonna be busy," she says and she looks a little disappointed, but she isn't fooling me. She has this look in her eyes that says she couldn't be happier that I'm going to be preoccupied. Stephen is her boyfriend. He's also an asshole and I hate him. Ok, so I don't hate him, but I don't want my daughter around him. I can't fight it though. Sure I don't want her seeing him, but I don't want her to do something stupid just to rebel against me. I don't want her getting pregnant at fifteen just because I said she can't date her asshole boyfriend. I try to smile but with everything going on and the fact that I don't like her boyfriend I just can't force myself to smile right now. Instead I lean over and give her a little kiss on the forehead. What? A mother has the right to embarrass her children in front of other people.

"That sounds good. But remember you come home right after practice. I expect you to be here at six thirty sharp." Practice gets out at six. I know it doesn't take thirty minutes to drive from the field to our house, but she works hard and she gets really good grades so I think she deserves a little freedom. Even if it's just half an hour of make out time with her boyfriend. "Try not to show off, ok?" She smiles and nods her head and then she runs back upstairs. I don't know if it's because her mother is a slayer or what, but that girl is gifted when it comes to sports, and she's always showing off her talents. She's so much like Faith that sometimes it hurts to look at her. I know how fucked up that sounds, but it's true. I look at her and I see my wife, and sometimes it's a little too much for me to handle.

"Joseph you can help research if you want. But I think you should just go over to Jimmy's for a while." I know she isn't our Faith but they look exactly the same, they sound exactly the same, they even smell the same. I don't think he should be around her while his emotions are all over the place. He gets up and gives me a little glare. Great, what the fuck was that about? Then he stomps up to his bedroom and slams the door. I thought only teenage girls were supposed to act like that. "I'm sorry about that. He's having a really tough time with everything." Faith nods her head and Willow tells me not to worry about it. I have been worrying about it though, and for a long time. His anger was bad enough after the car accident, and ever since he hit puberty things have gotten so much worst. I have no idea what to do about it.

"I know this is a big inconvenience, and we wanna get outta your hair as soon as possible, but that spell wiped me out is there any place I can crash for a while before we start the big research party?" Faith asks and Willow nods her head a little bit. I guess they're both tired. I wonder what spell they used. Probably a powerful one. I'm sure Willow hasn't changed, and it seemed like the bigger the spell the better. "If you don't want us staying here we can always just crash at a motel. I don't have any money with me though." I shake my head a little and she gives me a weird look. I guess I need to explain. Talking about Faith is too hurtful right now. The emotional wounds are too fresh, but I need to tell them why that's not a good idea, even though I really don't want to.

"Faith works for a large hotel chain. Part of her job is surveying the cheaper hotels or motels and then contacting the owners and making them an offer if the board members think it's a good investment. She's pretty well known, so you won't be welcome anywhere. And I don't think it's a good idea for you to be out and about. Someone might catch on to the fact that there are two of you, and the less people that are involved with this the better." She nods her head and sighs a little. If she's anything like my Faith then she hates being cooped up indoors. But that's just the way it has to be for now. Maybe when it gets dark she can go patrolling or something, but for now she just needs to stay put. "You can stay in the guest room. I'll make some calls, see if Giles will give me Willow's number." They give each other a little look and I know exactly what they mean by it. I try not to get frustrated, but it's hard.

I walk them to the guest room and they both look so relieved to see a bed. Faith looks a little confused though, and I think I know why. When we were walking down the hall she seemed to know the layout of the house. I didn't even have to point out the bathroom before she called dibs. So she knows what bedroom this is. Or at least, she knows whose bedroom this is supposed to be. I don't let her question me on it though, because I don't want to think about it. I don't want to talk about it, it's too painful. I leave them alone and I head down to the kitchen. I've never been a drinker, but right now I could really use a glass of…anything, as long as I relax a little. I don't think I'm going to be able to handle this. She's Faith, but then she's not Faith, and it's going to drive me crazy.

It's going to drive me crazy because I don't hate my wife. I miss her. I miss her so much. But for the last couple years we've grown apart so much, and she can't even look at me, let alone touch me. It's been so lonely, and having this woman in the house who looks just like my wife, and sounds like her, and even smells like her is going to be hard. Because when she looks at me it's just like the way Faith would look at me when we were in high school, or college. She looks at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, and she's so happy to just be in the same room as me, and that's the way the other Faith was looking at me the entire time we were talking, and it drove me a little nuts just sitting there. So, no, I don't think I'm going to be able to handle this, at least without doing something stupid. Why can't my life just be normal for once?


	71. Making Things Better

A/N: _So here it is, the complete chapter of 'Making It Better'. I hope you enjoy._

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**Three Days Later.** BPOV

It's been three days. Three fucking days and there's been no contact from Willow or Faith. I'm trying to stay calm and deal with this as if it were just another demon crisis but it's so hard. They could be anywhere and it's so scary to think about. They could be in some hell dimension being tortured and they could come back like wild animals, like Angel did. Only they might not get better. They would be a danger to everyone around them, and I don't want to think about what I'd have to do if that happens. I really, really, don't want to think about that. The other thing that I'm really freaking out about is what could happen if Faith is in a really good place. What if we rip her out of that and she hates me for it? She could be like I was when I was brought back from the dead. I don't want that to happen either.

"Here, Buffy, I think I found something," Dawn says and sets a book down in front of me. I look at the pages but they're in some weird language that I don't understand. That or I've been reading so long that even English looks like something freaky. "It's Italian so don't try to make it out or you'll give yourself a headache." Ok. Since when did she get so bossy? "I'm not sure exactly how it works, or if it'll even cross over the dimensional wall, but it's a spell to communicate with a lost lover. It's a long shot but beggars can't be choosers." She's right. I give her a little smile, and before I can ask she starts talking. "We have to wait until nightfall, and you have to be nude, and there are a few ingredients we need but they're pretty basic so Willow might have them at her place."

"Write them down and I'll see," Sky says. I look over at her and she has this lost look in her eyes. I completely understand it because that's exactly how I feel. She's not the only one missing her lover and she's portably just as anxious to do the spell as I am. Dawn writes down the list of stuff and hands it to Sky. "I'll have to buy some fleabane, but other then that we have everything else. Does it say anything about two people doing the spell at the same time to contact two people?" Dawn takes the book back and starts reading some more. She reads the second page, and then reads it again. Her eyebrows are crinkled a little and it's kind of cute seeing her so grown up. She reads the page a third time then flips it over to the next page and she blushes a very deep blush.

"Yes it does," she says and flips back to the first two pages. "It says that the two people have to take on a lover's embrace." She slides the book across the table so it's in front of me. "A picture is on the next page." I turn the page and what I see makes me blush a little. It's a drawing of two women facing each other. They're both completely naked, and they have their arms wrapped around each other. Their breasts are pressed together, and they both have a thigh in between each other's legs. "You have to lie like that under the night sky, while I pour a circle of salt around you. Then I have to sprinkle the mixed up ingredients on your bodies, and burn the incents while I chant the words. Then you should go into a trance and be linked to Willow and Faith. You should be able to talk to them. If you do connect with them." I slide the book over to Sky and then look into Dawn's eyes.

"So it could link us with our ex's or something?" I ask and she nods her head a little. "Well that would totally suck." Sky sighs and closes the book. I can tell by looking at it that she dog eared the page. Uh-oh. "Giles is going to kill you. You never bend a page in one of Giles' books. Those things are like extensions of himself. I wouldn't be surprised if I get a call from him asking if I did anything to his book because he had a nightmare that something bad happened." Dawn giggles a little it and I can't help but laugh a little too. Sky just rolls her eyes and stands up from her spot at the table. "So are we going to try the embrace thingy, or no?" A little blush creeps up onto her cheeks and I guess the reason she wanted to leave now was to avoid the subject. "It would save time, and if it works then we'd both know that they're ok."

"Yeah, ok. That's, um, ok. So we'll do it tonight then." Wow she sounds really nervous. She picks up the list of stuff and shoves it in her pocket. I don't blame her for being nervous, I'm nervous too, and it sucks. I know there's no underlying sexual tension between us. Yes I've admitted that Sky is attractive, but I don't want to have sex with her. I think it's going to be very awkward because we don't know each other that well. Doing a spell like this takes a lot of trust and even though I do trust Sky there's a little bit of uncertainty. Plus my sister is going to be watching. Wait, why is Dawn going to be watching? 'Cause I'm pretty sure watching your older sister get naked, and go into a lover's embrace with someone is illegal, and immoral. I look over at her and I can tell she's avoiding me. She's flipping through another book and her shoulders are tense and her neck is turning a little red.

"So what time are we going to start the spell?" If it's at night then the boys are going to be sleeping over here. Or maybe Emma can stay over at Dawn's place tonight. I have a feeling that this spell needs to be done at like midnight or something. Magic stuff like this usually needs to be done at some ungodly hour. I watch as she opens the book and flips it to the dog eared page. I wonder how many little arguments Sky and Willow have gotten into because of that. Probably a lot. Anyway, Dawn skims the page and closes the book again. I guess she doesn't want to look at the picture again.

"It doesn't say a specific time. It just says 'under a night sky'. I don't know how long the spell is going to last so whatever you need to tell Faith needs to be said quickly or you might not get to say it all." Ok, good. Then Matthew can go over to Dawn's and watch the boys until the spell is done. "Can I use your phone really quick?" I nod my head and she gets up and goes into the kitchen. I try really hard not to listen in on the conversation but I'm her big sister so it's my job to listen in on her phone calls. "Hey, it's me." I wonder who she's talking to. "I'm sorry but I can't make it tonight. Something came up and I have to help my sister." She's not giving out details so whoever she's talking to most likely doesn't know about magic being real. "I'll call you tomorrow and maybe we can set something up." She sounds very hopeful. "Ok, so I'll talk to you then…….Ok, bye." She hangs up and comes back into the room and acts like I didn't just hear everything.

"So who were you talking to?" I ask and I try not to sound too curious but by the look she's giving me I know she knows that I'm dieing to know. Did that make any sense? 'Cause I don't think it did. She opens up another book to some random page and starts skimming. Oh my God, she just cancelled a date, didn't she? Oh, poor baby, look at her now she's all pouty. I close my book and she looks up with a 'what the hell?' look on her face. "So who is he? Come on, Dawnie, tell me all about him." She gets a little smile on her face, and she slams her book closed. She shoves it aside, and all of sudden it's like we're two teenage girls.

"His name is Eric. He's this totally cute guy who delivers the materials." So, I take it he looks good in a uniform. "I was out in the lobby hanging out with Emily on our break and he walked over and started talking to us. He was checking me out a lot, and we were flirting almost nonstop so before he had to leave I asked him for his number. We were going to go to dinner and see a movie." Classic. "I was going to ask you to watch the boys for me, but you need help right now." Wait, she wanted the boys out of the house? There's only one reason, that I can think of, why she would want the boys out of the house. Have they been on a date before? I really hope my sister isn't the type to give it up on the first date.

"And don't give me that look, ok?" Look? What look? "I like Eric, we get along and he's really cute but I don't see a relationship with him in my future." Ok, so then why did she ask him out? "Please tell me you're not that dense." I give her a 'please explain' type of look and she sighs. "It's been three years since anyone has touched me. I just want one night of fun with a cute guy." Yeah, but she's talking about having a little too much fun. "Buffy, don't judge me, ok? I just need some sex." Ok, and things just got really uncomfortable. "It's not like you've never had a one night stand before." Low blow. "I'm a warm blooded human being. I have needs." That doesn't mean I want to hear about it.

"Dawn, I'm not judging you. You just caught me off guard. I get that you have needs, but shouldn't you think about it a little more? What if this guy wants more then just one casual night?" Dawn rolls her eyes and I give her a stern look. "I mean it, Dawnie. Believe it or not but there are some guys out there who are monogamists. What if he's one of them? And I thought you were still trying to decide between Kyle and Michael? What happened to that?" She sighs and looks down at her hands on the table. "Dawnie, come on, you can tell me. You know I'm not going to think any less of you or anything." She cheated on her fiancé, and had two little love children, and lied to everyone about the paternity and I still love her.

"I don't know how that's going to work out. I'm already over Kyle, and I honestly don't see us getting together again. There's just too much hurt between us. I still have feelings for Michael, and seeing how good he is with the boys just makes me like him even more." I nod my head a little and she takes in a very deep breath and lets it out very slowly. "I just want one night of string free fun. No calling the next day, and worrying about any type of commitment. It's been three years, for my health and my sanity I need to have sex." Ok, ok, jeez. She could stop using that word. I know I've been having sex for a very long time but hearing my little sister talk about her desires is really creepy. We've talked about boys before, and what Kyle is like in the bedroom, but she never went into detail about it.

"Ok, I give. You want one night of commitment free fun, go for it. Please, spare the details." She grins at me with a smug little smirk, and I know why. She won. She won that little battle of wills and I let her. But I don't really care about that right now. Dawn did me a favor just now by letting me focus on her personal life so I could forget for just a second or two that my wife and best friend are missing. It's time to focus on the bad stuff again. We've been doing that for three days and I'm not going to stop until I find out where they are. There's something about this that I don't really want to think about though. If Faith is in a better place will I be able to leave her there and let her be happy? Or will I be selfish and find a way to bring her back to me?

FPOV

You have no idea how much this sucks. I'm in my house but it's not really my house. I'm with my family but they're not really my family. I don't know who these people are, at least not really. In this reality Buffy isn't a slayer. That alone is fucking weird, but she's also low on the self esteem. If she had any she definitely wouldn't let the other me get away with the shit she's pulled. If I cheated on Buffy, my Buffy, she'd throw my ass to the curb so fast I wouldn't be able to see straight. The woman I'm looking at right now is broken, and hurt, and cut off from most of her emotions. She's trying so hard to pretend that everything's ok for the kids' sake that she's lost sight of what's really going on.

I don't really pay attention to what she's saying as she gets up and leaves. It's almost midnight so she's probably going to bed. Red and I have been staying in the guest bedroom. I don't really get why it's a guest bedroom though. It should be Mattie's room. Well, Danny's room. I still think that's so fucking weird. It's amazing how much influence Dawn has in Buffy's life. But I don't want to think about that. Everyone's been acting weird today, and I want to find out why. The kids stayed in their rooms almost all day long, and when they did come out they were way moodier then they normally are. I know because I asked B if that was normal and she said no. She just wouldn't tell me why. Then she got really upset and left the room. I wanted to follow her but Willow stopped me.

Red fell asleep about an hour go. The spell she did really drained her and it's taking a long time for her to get her energy back. I don't mind doing some extra reading. Anyway, I wait about ten minutes after Buffy left before I get up. I walk out of the kitchen and shut off the light. Everyone has gone to bed except me. I think one of the kids is still awake. I can hear someone moving around upstairs and it's not coming from Buffy's room. I walk up the stairs and slowly walk down the hallway. I can see a soft glow coming from under Addy's door. Hmm, that's weird. She said she was going to bed hours ago. I knock on the door and I hear a very soft 'come in'. I open the door and see her. She's lying in her bed, under the covers, and I can tell she's been crying.

"Hey." Alright, I know that was lame, but I don't know what else to say. She wipes her eyes and doesn't even try to hide the fact that she was crying. "Do you want me to go?" She shakes her head no and now I'm really confused. She was curious about me the first day, but ever since she found out that in my reality 'her' family isn't broken she's been avoiding me. At least I think that's the reason. "Can I sit down?" I look over at the desk and she nods her head yes. Good 'cause I'm starting to feel like a jackass just standing here. I leave the door open and walk into the room. Her room is so fucking cool. There are posters all over the walls. Mostly of rock bands but there's a large 'parental advisory' sign over her bed. It's fuckin awesome. I sit down at the desk and look at her for a few seconds. I wonder why she's being so quiet. Addy is usually anything but quiet. "Can I help you with anything?" She looks into my eyes and fresh tears form in hers.

"I know you're not really my mom, but you look just like her, and you sound just like her. I know it's weird to ask but do you think you can…" There's a long pause and I'm afraid if I say something she'll close up again. "Nevermind, it's stupid." I'm pretty sure I know what she wants. I stand up and sit down on the edge of the bed. I wait a few seconds to see how she'll react before I start moving again. All she does is look at me. Her gaze is so intense I'm getting shivers up and down my spine. I scoot a little closer and bring my feet up on the bed. I lean back against the headboard and open up my arms. She hesitates for a few seconds, and I can tell she's trying to decide what to do. Then she scoots towards me and closes the distance between us. I wrap my arms around her and she rests her head on my shoulder. She starts crying, I mean really fuckin sobbing, and I do my best to comfort her.

"It's ok, shh, you're ok." I gently rub her back and stroke her hair with my other hand. Hearing her cry is breaking my heart. No wonder the other me spoils her rotten, her being sad is too heartbreaking. Her whole body is shaking and I have a feeling that a lot of this emotion coming out now has been repressed for a long time. I know this is gonna sound retarded but I think she just needs to cry it out. I'm sure she'll feel a little better after this. She clings onto me as tight as she can. I guess because Buffy isn't a slayer the kids aren't slayers either 'cause normally when she clings like this, well when my Addy clings like this, it hurts like hell. This doesn't hurt at all. "Shh baby girl, it'll be ok." I don't know if that's true or not but I need to at least try to make her feel better.

"No it won't," she says around another loud sob. She very slowly starts to calm down. The sobbing slows to a stop, but the tears are still running down her cheeks. "You don't know what happened. Nothing is gonna be ok again." So I take it she isn't talking about the split up and the cheating since she knows I know about all of that. "Four years ago today Dan was in a car accident. His friend Seth was driving. They were both drunk, and they hit a telephone poll." Oh my God. He's fucking dead? "He was in a coma, and on life support. He was like that for almost a month, and the doctor's said he'd never wake up so my moms took him off the life support." Oh my fucking God. That must've been so hard for all of them. "And Joey's always angry, and my moms hate each other, and everything is so fucked up." I would tell her to watch her language but she's right.

"I miss him so much." I bet she does. I can't even imagine losing Matthew. "I never really listened to my parents when I was little." She probably still doesn't. "I just…I feel so lost without him." I grip her a little tighter but I have to be careful so I won't hurt her. Poor kid, all of the crap she's been through. I look up when I see some movement, and Buffy is in the doorway watching us. I guess she's been there for a few minutes 'cause she has tears in her eyes. I try to stay calm 'cause I don't want to freak Addy out. But I am worried that Buffy's going to be pissed at me for doing this. I'm a complete stranger to her. I know I wouldn't want some stranger comforting my baby girl when I can do it myself. It's that whole protective mother thing. I guess Addy doesn't know B's there because she keeps talking.

"He was my moms' favorite. They were always going out of their ways so he could do what he wanted. He wanted to learn how to play the guitar and they ran right out and bought one for him, and sent him to lessons. As soon as he got his license they bought him a car. He played every sport in high school no matter how inconvenient it was for the rest of us." I'm sure it wasn't that bad but kids tend to exaggerate. "And now it's like they died with him. Their marriage did, that's for sure." I sigh a little, and rub her back a little more. This kid has so much sadness locked up inside of her. No wonder she tries to get away with so much. She's just acting out for some attention. It's sad that she needs to do that. If I were the other Faith a lot of things would be different. My wife wouldn't hate me, and my daughter wouldn't feel like a ghost.

"Addy, I don't know exactly what happened but I'm sure your moms love you and Joey just as much as they did Daniel. You can't think like that or you'll drive yourself crazy." She sighs and tenses up a little and I know this isn't the way to go. She's headstrong so I need to word this a little better. I guess it's time for me to open up about my past. "When I was little my mom was an alcoholic. She would get drunk and start yelling at me, blaming me because she was so unhappy. One night she tried to hit me, and my dad started screaming at her, telling her if she ever touched me he'd kill her. The neighbors heard him yelling and called the cops. He went to prison and with him gone there was no one to protect me. She'd beat me whenever I got in trouble or for no reason if she was drunk enough. When I tell you that your mom loves you it's not just to try and make you feel better, it's because I see it. I know what it's like not to be loved and trust me you are very loved."

I look over at Buffy and she has a little smile on her face. I guess that's her way of saying thank you. I smile back for a second, and she tip toes away. I guess she's going back to her room. I can't even imagine what it would be like to hear my daughter say that she isn't as loved as one of her siblings. Sometimes Addy will say it to try and hurt us whenever she gets into trouble. But this Addy wasn't throwing a fit, and she wasn't trying to be mean. She really thought her parents loved Daniel more then her. I sigh a little, and rest my chin on the top of her head. I wonder if it's going to be like this when Addy is older. I hope so. Just sitting here holding this Addy is filling me with those fuzzy feelings a parent gets whenever their kid seeks out their comfort. I know technically she isn't mine, but in this moment it doesn't matter.

"Hey Faith?" she asks and she sounds a little nervous. I wonder what's running through that mind of hers. I let out a little 'hmm?' and she hesitates a few seconds before she starts talking again. "If we can't find a way to get you and Willow back to your own dimension." Why does she have to bring that up? I'm freaking out enough as it is without someone vocalizing it. "Do you think you can move in with us, and be with my mom? I know we're not the same as your family, and you're not really our other mom, but at least this way we'll be together and kind of like we were before." Oh boy, how do I explain this? "You love your Buffy right? So maybe if you spend enough time with my mom you'll fall in love with her and we can be happy again." Ok, I'm totally lost for words right now. What am I supposed to say?

"Addy, I don't think that would work. We would just be using each other to fill in the gaps, you know? And that's not fair for anybody. It sucks so much that your moms are broken up, and I know how much you miss your other mom, but I can't be her. I'm never going to stop trying to get home and I think it would be better if we didn't get attached. It'll make things easier for when I go home." I feel like shit now because she's so sad. I just want to make her feel better, not worst. But I couldn't lie to her. I couldn't let her think about that little fantasy like it would come true because it won't. Not ever. "Why don't you get some sleep? Tomorrow is the big day, right?" She nods her head a little but she doesn't say anything. Tomorrow her school is playing against the Las Vegas Eagles. Last year they got their asses handed to them according to Addy, and this year they really want to win.

I leave a little kiss on her forehead and I slowly get off the bed. I wanna talk to B about some stuff but I'm not sure if she'll open up to me or not. She probably has so many repressed feelings it'll take a week for her to cry it out. Well, maybe I can help take some of the pain away. I close the door behind me and walk down the hall. I peek into the guest bedroom and Red is still asleep. I hope she feels better in the morning 'cause we really need help with the research thing. Anyway, I walk down to the end of the hall and very slowly open Buffy's door. I see her lying on the bed but she's still awake. She's wiping some tears away from her eyes and sniffling a little. I really hope she opens up. If she keeps everything repressed she'll go insane, or explode. Well, here goes nothin.

BPOV

I hear my door slowly creak open and I wipe the tears away from my eyes. Seeing Faith lying there with Addison brought back a lot of memories I'd rather not thing about. And hearing what she had to say about Daniel's death was very upsetting too. I just want it all to go away. Why can't the pain just go away? Why am I alone, where's Faith? I glance over at the door and see the other Faith just standing there watching me. Ok, I didn't realize I'm an exhibit on display. I want to say something but at the same time I don't want to. I don't even know this woman and I want so badly to just give the control over to her. I've had to be in control for so long and I'm sick of it. But that's stupid because she's going to be leaving, and she's not even a family member.

She has this intense look in her eyes as she walks into the room and closes the door behind her. Ok, what the hell is she doing? She shouldn't be coming in here like this. I'm letting her stay in the guest bedroom I don't want her in here. She takes a look around, like she's studying the room or something. But she only does that for a few seconds. Her intense stare moves back to my eyes, and it sends shivers up and down my spine. She sits down at the vanity and just looks at me. I know what she's trying to do. She thinks I'm going to break the silence and tell her about all of my feelings, but I'm not. If I wanted to talk about it I'd go to therapy. Nope, I'm not gonna crack. I'm not going to give into what she wants. She can stare at me until she goes blind but I'm not going to say anything.

"It hurts," I say in barely a whisper. I'm talking, so what? That doesn't mean I'm going to tell her everything. "It hurts so bad." I watch as she gets up and sits down on the edge of the bed. I guess it's two for one break down night at the Summers house. "Faith was more then just my spouse and lover. She was one of my best friends. And she went and fucked my other best friend. I lost them both, and it isn't fair. I wanted to talk about it but I didn't have anybody. I've never felt so alone in my entire life." I wipe the fresh tears that are falling down my face and I sniffle. I really don't want to break down in front of her, but I guess it isn't up to me. I don't look at her because I know if I see her looking all concerned and just like my wife I'll completely break down, and I don't want that.

"I didn't want Faith to buy Daniel that stupid car. A seventeen-year-old doesn't need a car. He could've borrowed one of ours." I can't hold back the sobs as they shake my entire body. "I remember it all like it was yesterday. I was asleep when the phone started ringing. Faith answered it and it was a cop, and he told her we needed to go to the morgue. That a boy was brought in and it might be our son. Faith must've broken every traffic law there is getting us there. I couldn't even recognize him. I didn't want it to be true. I kept telling them it wasn't my son lying on that table. But then they handed me his wallet with his driver's license and I knew." I have to stop talking. I'm sobbing way too hard to keep going. I feel two strong arms wrap around me, and I lean into the warm body. I wrap my arms around her and cling on like my life depends on it.

"It's ok," I hear her whisper but she's wrong. Nothing is ok. I lost my baby boy. I lost my wife. My family is broken and we'll never be put back together. "Let it out, just let it all out." I bling onto her tighter and she starts to gently run her fingers through my hair. My Faith used to do the same thing whenever I was upset. "That's it B, just let it all out. I've got you, you're ok now." She tightens her grip on me and kisses my forehead. Did she just call me B? My Faith never did that. It doesn't matter though. I now she isn't my Faith and I'm not going to let myself think of what I would do if it were my wife comforting me right now. I can't let myself think it because then I'll want to ct on it, and that would be wrong. It would be wrong because…it would be wrong because…because it would be.

I have no idea how long it takes me to calm down but when I finally do I don't feel any better. I released all of that emotion and I still feel like shit, and lonely, and like I'll never be happy again. I sniffle really loud and it's really disgusting but all Faith does is chuckle. The sound of it makes me relax against her body. All of my muscles aren't tense anymore, and I actually feel safe and secure. I know it sounds crazy but that's how I'm feeling. I sigh and she keeps rubbing my back, not too soft, but not too hard. I guess she does this for her Buffy. If she keeps this up any longer I'm probably going to fall asleep. I pull back from the embrace just enough to look at her. She gets a small smile on her face and gently wipes my drying tears away.

"Feel better?" she asks in a very low voice. I nod my head a little even though it isn't true. I feel worst then I did before because now I have a headache from al of the crying I did. "You don't have to lie." How the hell did she know I was lying? She chuckles and gently rubs my furrowed eyebrows with her thumb. Wow, that feels good. "Your eyebrows kind of stiffen up when you lie. That's just something you and my Buffy have in common I guess." Now she looks so sad. I guess she isn't pretending that I'm her wife, just like I won't pretend she's mine. "I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose one of my kids. About five years ago I thought a demon killed Addy, but it just sent her to another dimension. I tried so hard to kill him but Willow kept stopping me. She's the one who snapped me out of this blind rage I was in." I don't know what I would do if I lost another one of my kids, especially to a demon.

"Your wife is very lucky to have you," I tell her, and as I say it I realize just how close we are. She doesn't seem to notice though, and I don't want to point it out. Sure she's not my wife, but I'm just not ready to lose this comforting feeling. She gives me this little smile, but she has a strange look on her face. She adds a little more pressure to my back, and God that feels so good. There's definitely more then sleepiness going on right now. Damn, she better stop before my judgment gets clouded. I don't want to do anything stupid. I don't want her to feel guilty when she goes back to her happy family. That would be ironic. Would it? I'm not exactly sure right now. I can't really concentrate on anything with those strong hands.

"I'm the lucky one, trust me. I'd probably be dead, or in prison again. I'm not too sure which." She smiles a little wider, and her tone was light but what she said isn't funny at all. I wonder why she went to prison. My Faith was in jail for public drunkenness and disturbing the peace, but she's never been in prison. I don't want to ask. I'm sure she'll tell me if she wants to. "I don't think we'd be together still if it wasn't for Mattie. He forced us to grow up and be responsible and all that shit we were avoiding." I smile a little and she brings her hand up and gently moves some loose hair out of my face. I don't mean for it to happen but I lean into her touch and the smile on her face softens a lot. "I can't stand to see her in pain, and you look just like her so I got the same protective feeling." I glance over at the clock and holy hell it's almost three in the morning.

"I'm sorry but I need to get some sleep. Addison will kill me if I don't pay attention to the game tomorrow. She's worked really hard for this. Her coach has even mentioned putting her on the all star team." Even though it's three in the morning, and I'm tried I'm still beaming with motherly pride. Although how Addison got involved with soccer is a little sad. After Daniel died she needed an outlet for all of the anger she was feeling, and kicking a soccer ball around helped. Then she just got better the more she practiced and now she's the captain of her high school team. Hopefully she'll get a scholarship to a university so I won't have to pay for her college. "Do you think…I know this is a lot to ask but...do you think you could stay in here with me tonight?" I look away as soon as the words leave my mouth. I hear her chuckle a little bit and I don't know why but my face blushes.

"Don't worry about it Blondie. I know you're not her but I might actually sleep tonight if I'm in here. You two wear the same perfume, and Red can kick like an angry bull at a rodeo." I smile a little but it's only half hearted. Just the thought of this Faith and Willow sharing a bed brings back many horrible memories that I'd rather just forget. "I just need to change then I'll be right back." She's tying to sound like this is no big deal, but I guess it's important to her too. Hopefully I'll be able to make it through the night without doing anything dumb. So I know I've already said, probably many times by now, that I know this isn't my Faith and I'm not for a second going to give into the delusion that this Faith is my wife. But it's going to be to ignore the way my body reacts to her. It doesn't know that she isn't my wife, and it's screaming at me to take her.

"Want me to get the light?" Fuck that scared me. I look over at her standing at the end of the bed and she's trying not to smile. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya." She winks and turns off the light. The room is completely black and I can't see a thing. I can hear her walking to the other side of the bed. My heart starts pumping faster as she pulls back the covers and crawls into the bed. I don't know why my body is reacting so fiercely to her presence. It's not like I never get any sexual release. My vibrator serves me well. But it's just not the same. Getting myself off isn't as satisfying as being with Faith. Ok I really need to stop thinking about this with her in the bed. Even before my Faith became the slayer she could just tell whenever I was turned on. I have a feeling this Faith has that same sixth sense.

"Goodnight," I whisper breaking the slightly awkward silence. She says it back and I can feel her moving around. Her knee brushes up against my thigh and we both freeze and tense up. It's hot tonight so we're both in boxers. She had a shower earlier today and she must've shaved because her shin is lightly touching mine and it's silky smooth. I know this is going against my better judgment and everything I've been rambling about, but I very slowly rub my leg against hers. I look over towards her side of the bed, but I can't see her face. I stop moving my leg and I just wait to see what her reaction is going to be. She doesn't do anything at first, but now she's lightly rubbing the side of her smooth calf against mine. Her knee is gently resting on top of my thigh and the heat is definitely rising within my body. I haven't been touched by another person in a remotely sexual way in a very long time.

"We should stop," she says. Her voice is deep and throaty. She's probably really turned on too. I wonder why she's so turned on. From what she's said her relationship with her Buffy is a happy and healthy one. I nod my head a little even though she can't see it. I really don't trust my voice right now. "It's not you it's just…I can't." I understand completely. Even though Faith has hurt me so much I can't force myself to cheat on her. There's still a part of me that loves her too much to be with someone else. I tense up a little bit when I feel her move towards me. I can see her face a little better but I can't make out her expression. I feel her hand on my hip, and she slowly moves it to my lower back. She holds me close, and it makes me feel safe, and better then I did before. "Goodnight." She leaves a little kiss on my forehead as I whisper it back. I highly doubt I'm going to be getting any sleep tonight.

FPOV

"Babe, stay here with me. Why do you have to leave so early the game doesn't start until four, right?" Chyla asks, but it's more of a whine. For fuck's sake she's twenty-seven she should be whining like a four-year-old. I sigh and go back to putting on my eyeshadow. The room gets real quiet for a few seconds, and a tension is starting to build. Does she have to sit there and watch me does this? I can feel her walking closer to me and I know what's coming. She does this shit all the time and gets irritating. I don't know what happened but one morning I wake up after a night of great sex and she's all giddy and girly. She knows I'm not emotionally involved, that was the whole point of us getting together but for whatever reason she thinks I am now. Anyway, this is the part when she gets all sexy and tries to seduce me but it isn't going to work. I might as well put a stop to it before it starts.

"I told you I want to take her out to dinner for some mother-daughter bonding and I need to make sure Buffy knows or she'll freak out if I just show up at the house." I thought I was clear about that? Maybe I shouldn't try to explain important stuff to her while we're having sex. I can see her standing behind me and she has a pouty look on her face. I'm really getting sick of her shit. If she couldn't use that tongue of hers so well I'd be outta here. "The game only lasts an hour and a half unless they have a tie then they play until it's broken, and dinner probably won't last more then an hour. I haven't seen her since Buffy kicked me out. I need to spend some time with my kids." I don't know what her deal was. She just completely flipped one day and kicked me out. We're still legally married 'cause neither of us can afford a divorce so I don't know what's going to happen.

"They can always come over here," Chyla says and leans against the sink. I look over at her and try hard not to roll my eyes. That usually starts an argument and I'd rather not have one of those and go to my kid's game while I'm pissed. "I have two guest rooms that they can stay in, it's not like they'd have to sleep on the floor." She just doesn't get it sometimes. How the hell did she get all those promotions at work? Oh right, she slept with our boss. That one backfired though when she ended up suing him for sexual harassment. He wanted more then just the one night and she said no, he couldn't take it for an answer and tried to seduce her in his office. Now she owns a Jaguar, and a summer house on the California coast.

"I really don't think Buffy is going to send our kids over to the house of the woman her wife is having an affair with." She gets this sad little look on her face and I have to fight not to sigh. She wants more and it's getting so fuckin irritating. I told her when this started I didn't want more. I guess she thinks we can be more though, and she hates it whenever I bring up the fact that I'm married. But whatever, who cares? I sure don't. "Chyla I to be there today, alright? This game is important to Addy, and if I'm not there it'll make things between us worst." It's true. I've always had a close relationship with my daughter but lately she won't talk to me. I've called the house a couple of time when I knew Buffy would be gone and Addy hung up on me. I have no idea what her mother has been telling her. I don't think B would try to poison the kids against me or anything, but I wouldn't put it passed her.

"Funny how you feel so strongly about what's important to other people now. Whenever I have something important I want to share with you, you couldn't give a fuck less." And I probably never will. I finish up with my eyeshadow and put the little brush thing back in the container. I look over at her and try to figure out how to word this as delicately as possible. I just don't want to start a fight. I hate fighting with people and I don't want to be in a bad mood when I go to my kid's game. She looks like she's digging for a fight. She's so fuckin attention hungry. I think she needs a dog, not a lover.

"I'm not trying to sound like a bitch or anything, but my kids are the most important thing in my life. They always will be. They come first. I couldn't make my marriage work, and it affected them but that doesn't change the fact that they are my number one priority." She doesn't look as pissed off now, but she gets this look on her face, I can't really describe it. It's like a look of defiance or something. Yeah I guess you could call it that. I'd definitely call it that. Addy always gives me that kind of look before she makes some big speech about how she's fifteen and old enough to go to a party that's being thrown my seniors. And sure I let her go. She's a responsible girl. She can go to one of those parties and not give into her friends telling her to drink and smoke and all that shit.

"And what about Buffy?" she asks, and folds her arms across her chest. What the fuck kind of question is that? "Is she high up on your priority list too?" Not this shit again. I swear to fuckin God she bitches about this more then anything else. Why can't she complain about the fact that I leave my wet towels on the floor, and I never make her breakfast, and I don't give a shit about her feelings? Nope, she has to bitch about the fact that I have a family. "Don't give me that look. I'm not delusional, and I'm not crazy. I know you still care about her. You were with her for a long time, but it's over now. Are you at least trying to move on?" Ok, enough of this bullshit. I can't believe she has the balls to bring this up again.

"I'm over her alright? What the fuck do you want me to say?" I try so hard not to yell but she's really starting to piss me off. "You know I'm not looking for a relationship, Chyla. This between you and me is meaningless." Me saying shit like this is mean, but she's a pretty tough girl, she can handle it. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's just drop it." Even if I'm over B I don't like talking about her like this. I know this is gonna be a laugh riot comin from me, but it just feels wrong talkin about her with Chyla. I look down at my watch and decide to skip the mascara for now. I can put it on in the car when I get to the field. "I have to go. I'll see you later." I give her a little kiss on the cheek as I walk out of the room. That probably pissed her off even more, but she'll get over it.

I jump in my car and practically peel out of the driveway. I wasn't lying to her in there just to get her off my back. My kids are my top priority. Their happiness is important, and I know not showing up to this game will make Addy unhappy. Things are so much different then they used to be. If I could go back and change stuff I would, but I can't. Buffy hates me, my kids hate me, and all of my old friends won't talk to me. Well, they were Buffy's friends first, and when we started dating I joined the group. It was nice to be a part of that. I didn't think it would last because high school friendships usually don't last through college, but these ones did. She was so fuckin miserable after that fuck stain left town, and I was huggin her trying to calm her down, and she kissed me.

I remember that she's the one who kissed me. I don't remember who led who to the bedroom. And I don't remember who started taking off clothes first. All I really remember is one minute we're kissing on the couch, and the next we're in bed. Buffy walked in on it but she was too shocked to say anything. She took off to her mom's for three days. Wouldn't take any of my calls, and she took the kids with her. We tried to work passed it, and I think we were getting somewhere, and then Daniel got into that car accident. I've never been the 'share my feelings' type, and when he died I completely closed myself off to everyone. Buffy was distant and hateful towards me. She thinks it's my fault because I'm the one who bought him the car. She won't admit it, but I can see it in the way she looks at me when she thinks I'm not paying attention.

And here's the field. Good, now I can stop thinking about all that bullshit, and focus on my little girl. She reminds me of how I used to be in high school. Every girl wants to be her, every guy wants to sleep with her, but she isn't too girly. Sure she wears the girly clothes, and she can act like a total brat, but she's also into soccer, and very hard rock. She's like the perfect combination of both me and B. Anyway, I find a good parking spot and pull the visor down so I can look in the mirror. I grab the mascara from my purse and put some on. When that's done, I look out the windshield, and I have a perfect view of the field. The girls are in their uniforms and warming up. A lot of the other parents are already sitting in the bleachers, and some of the girl's friends. Addy's boyfriend is sitting front and center. She has that guy whipped, that's for sure.

I get out of the car and shield my eyes with my hand. It's bright as fuck out here today. I hope that doesn't affect their performance too much. Addy really wants to win this game. Last year they had their asses handed to them by the Eagles and she wants to return the favor. I walk over to the bleachers and I stand next to them. Buffy is sitting in one of the middle rows and she hasn't seen me yet. I don't know exactly what I'm going to say to her. I haven't seen my kids in a month, and I know that's because of her. She kicked me out and she doesn't want me around them. I don't want to make things any worst for her, but I will take her to court if she doesn't let me see them. Custody battles always get messy, and hurtful, but I'll do it if she's stubborn about it. My kids mean too much to me.

"Addy!" I yell when she finishes up a drill. She looks over, and I can tell she's surprised to see me. I wave, and she waves back. I guess that's a good sign. She doesn't look mad or anything, but she could always be pretending so no one will ask her what's wrong. I can feel Buffy's eyes boring holes into my skin but I ignore it. I need to talk to her, but I want to see my daughter first. I motion Addy over to me, and she doesn't hesitate before she runs off the field and over to me. I wrap my arms around her, and God it feels good to be hugging her. Like I said, I've always had a close relationship with my daughter and being away from her for a month was like hell. "Hey baby girl, how've you been?" We end the hug and she gets a weird look on her face. I've seen that look before. She has something she wants to tell me, but she doesn't want to tell me because she probably promised someone else she wouldn't. Did that make sense?

"I've been good." I can tell by the look in her eyes that she hasn't. I guess she's a lot like me. She holds it all in until she has a breakdown. "I've missed you." I smile a little and she hugs me again. I'm about to tell her how much I missed her, but then the coach blows her stupid whistle and Addy jumps back from me like she was burned. I guess it scared her. "I gotta go. I'll talk to you after the game." I nod and she runs off. I sigh a very deep sigh, and watch her run back onto the field. The coach walks the girls through their next set of drills and it's a little boring actually, but whatever. I don't come to these things to be entertained. I come here to watch my kid. But there's something else I have to do right now, even though I have a good feeling it isn't gonna end well. I walk up the bleachers and look into Buffy's eyes. She doesn't look happy to see me, but I knew she wouldn't.

"Hey," I say as I sit down next to her. It's not like she's sitting with anyone else. "We need to talk." She sighs and leans forward a little bit. Whenever she gets really irritated she has a hard time sitting still. "It's been a month, Buffy. I haven't seen my kids in a month. You kicked me out and that was it." She sighs again, and I know I'm going about this all wrong. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get so bitchy. I just miss 'em." She nods her head a little but she keeps her eyes on the field. I look down and Addy is stretching out. I can hear some of the boys sitting in the front row whistling, and throwing out cat calls. Little pricks are gonna get their dicks ripped off if they're not careful. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm taking Addy out to dinner tonight. I want to have some mother-daughter time with her. And this weekend I want to do something with Joey." She looks over at me like I've gone completely insane.

"That's not how this works Faith. You can't just show up and make demands. You didn't even ask if we already have plans after the game, or this weekend." Fuck that. She's had 'em for a month. She needs to learn to share. She sighs and her hands ball up into fists. She's trying so fuckin hard to control herself. It's almost amazing that she hasn't raised her voice at least a little. I need to cut her some slack. After all the shit I've put her through I'm surprised she hasn't turned violent. "But you're right. They're your kids too, and even though things haven't worked between us you have every right to spend time with them." Why do I have a feeling that this is way too easy? "It's ok with me if they want to go. They're old enough to make up their minds whether or not they want to spend time with you." And there's the catch.

"Ok then. Addy seemed really happy to see me so when the game's over I can drive her back to the house and let her get ready. We might be gone for a couple of hours. You have my cell number if you need to get a hold of us." She nods her head and she looks a little hurt. I guess she thought the kids would be so pissed off at me that they would take her side a hundred percent and not want to see my face ever again. I'm sure they feel that way sometimes, but they're my kids, they'll always love me. "I know you don't wanna hear about this part, or maybe you do, but I'm not going to let them around Chyla." She completely tenses up when I say her name. And that's completely understandable. "They won't want to be around her, and it'll just make things awkward." She nods her head and looks a little sad, but she smiles when Addy looks over at us.

The other team shows up and it isn't long before the game starts. Something really weird happens while it's going on too. Buffy and I are so focused on the game that we sort of forget about everything else. Everything I've done to hurt her, everything that's happened in the passed, and we're just each other again. Whenever Addy takes the ball from someone, or scores a goal we both jump up and start cheering and screaming out her name. It's like we're happy again. Yeah, I know, how weird is that? We haven't been happy for years. I look over at her during half time, and she has this big smile on her face, and she looks as beautiful as she did back in high school. Looking into my eyes doesn't bring up any bad memories for her because the smile doesn't leave her pretty face. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it isn't too late to fix everything.


	72. Struggling part 1

_I'd like to apologize for the lack of updates. I have some family stuff of the not so good kind going on right now, and it's done nothing but fuel my writer's block. I'll try to have the next chapter finished within a week, as well as the next chapter to 'The Proposal' so keep a look out for that too. I hope you enjoy  
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Four Days Later.** MPOV

Sometimes I really hate being a slayer. I hate that my and I hate that demons are after us all the time. This isn't the first time someone in my family has been sucked into some other dimension. When Addison was a baby Mom took her for a walk and a demon attacked them. They were only eight blocks away from our house! It doesn't matter if they want to retire and not be active slayers anymore. Demons and vampires are going to be after them all the time because they're the originals. And they're going to be after us because we're their kids. Addison has it worst then me and Joey because she's a girl. I heard what aunt Willow said about her when she was having those dreams. She's the true essence of the slayer. Kill Addison and all the girls that became slayers during The Great Battle turn back into normal girls. We're lucky the demons haven't figured that out yet.

"Brother will you play horses with me?" Addison asks in that whiney voice that nobody likes. I hate that she wants to be around me all the time. It gets really annoying. It's not like Joey won't play with her. He just won't let her boss him around. I can't play with her right now anyway. I'm trying to make dinner. Mom told me to order a pizza but we've had pizza every night for the last five days. Everyone is getting sick of pizza. "Brother I asked you a question." God, she has a bad fuckin attitude. Sometimes I think my moms should spank her when she gets like this. It's like she thinks she's the most important person on the planet or something and everyone should just drop what they're doing to pay attention to her. I ignore her and keep looking for the big pot under the cupboard. "Brother, I'm talking to you!" I feel a sharp pain on the back of my leg, and I jump a little. I hit the back of my head on the top of the cupboard and wince. That little bitch just kicked me.

"Addison I'm busy right now, go away!" I yell, and turn around. She has her hands on her hips and she's tapping one of her toes on the floor. She looks just like Mom whenever I get in trouble. Ok, so that look is genetic. "Do you want dinner or not?" She thinks about it for a couple seconds and then she nods her head a little. She doesn't look as mad now, but I can tell she's still irritated. I can't really blame her too much. All Mom's been doing for the last week is research, so Addison isn't getting any attention. "Well then leave me alone so I can make some dinner." She sighs one of those dramatic sighs she always does when she doesn't get her way, and she leaves. She's probably going to bother Mom now but that's not my fault. It's not like I can control what Addison does, anymore then my moms can.

Ah, here's the big pot, all the way in the back. Yeah, that's a really sane place to put it. I love my mom but sometimes she does some pretty stupid stuff. Like when she had Joey and went all insane and ran off for a couple days. I forgave her or whatever, but I still think it's stupid. She should have said something, talked to someone. She didn't have to keep all of that bottled in, and then take off. But whatever, I'm over it. Anyway, getting back to making dinner. According to the box I need: six cups of water, four table spoons of butter, and one-fourth cup of milk. Then it says: step one, boil water, stir in noodles, boil seven to eight minutes or until noodles are tender, stirring occasionally. Step two, drain do not rinse, return to pan. Step three, add four table spoons butter, milk and cheese sauce mix, mix well. Ok, that doesn't sound too hard.

"Hey, little man, whatcha doing?" I hear someone say behind me. I turn around and see Georgia walk into the room. Mom called Giles and asked him to send some people to help research Mama and Willow's disappearance, so he sent two slayers and the guy who runs the magic stuff at the slayer school. Cindy, the other slayer, is ok. She minds her own business, and she takes the slaying stuff seriously. She's really smart, and kinda funny, and I'm not gonna lie she's really fuckin hot. I don't really like Georgia. Ok, I hate Georgia. She treats me like I'm five, and she thinks I don't know anything about slaying or magic or any of the other stuff they deal with at the school. But she's here to help so I put up with her when I have to. "I thought your mom told you to order pizza? Aren't you a little young to be using the stove by yourself?" See what I mean about her treating me like I'm five?

"I use the stove all the time. I'm sick of pizza. I want something else. Besides all of that greasey cheese is giving Joey diarrhea." It's not, but I figure if I gross her out enough she'll go away and I won't have to talk to her. She just gives me a weird look, and I go back to doing what I was doing. I can feel her eyes on me though, and I don't like that feeling. It's making my skin get goosebumps. I don't get why she treats me like a kid, she's only two years older then I am. Yeah, she's fifteen, and Grampa Giles sent her to help find my other mom. She's gotta be smart or he wouldn't have sent her, but she's still so annoying. I get the measuring cup and pour in six cups of water, and put it on the stove. God, and she is still staring at me. "Do you want something or are you just wanna stare at me all night?"

"Well I was gonna ask you something but nevermind. Just forget it. I'll leave you alone since you're _so_ busy." She's an even big smart ass then Addison. I didn't think that was possible for anyone to big a bigger smart ass then my sister. "I know your mom is missing and you're freaked, but you don't have to be such an ass all the time." She sounds really pissed off. Like she just found out I kicked her puppy or something. She stomps out of the room and goes back into the living room. That's where Mom moved the research party since theirs more room to spread out. And since when is this my fucking fault? She's the one who's been a bitch to me since she got here. Why do girls have to be so weird all the time? It's like there's reality, and then what they think is reality, and the two never match up, and it's always someone else's fault that they sound crazy. It's not just Georgia, either. Half the time I don't even know what my girlfriend is talking about.

Anyway, when the noodles are tender I drain the water just like the box says, and I mix in all of the other stuff. I'm surprised I didn't burn the kitchen down. I use the stove all the time, but I never said I was any good at it. My moms are trying to teach me to cook 'cause that's something everyone should know how to do, but I don't really care. Now I kinda wish I had paid more attention. But it doesn't really matter. This is the only thing I'm actually cooking. Everything else is just leftovers that I'm going to heat up. It might not be much but at least it isn't pizza. I'm so fuckin sick of pizza. I never thought I'd ever be sick of pizza but I just can't force myself to eat anymore. I hear someone walk in the room and I sigh. It's not my mom because I can hear her talking in the other room. I know it's not Addison or Joey or they would be talking to me by now.

"Making dinner, huh? I thought your mom said to just order a pizza?" Cindy asks. I turn around and she's standing in the doorway. She smiles this little half smile, and I just smile back. I don't know what to say to her, so I might as well be quiet. I don't want to make an ass out of myself. "It's very mature of you to take care of your siblings while all of this is going on." I just shrug and turn the burner off since it's done. I walk across the kitchen and get a large bowl from the cupboard. "Everyone expects the slayers to be so grown-up, but most of them just want to be kids, and act their age. They don't really want the responsibility, and they let everyone know it. But you take everything in stride." What is she my publicist or something?

"My mom's too busy trying to figure all of this out, and someone has to take care of things until she does." I don't know why she's saying all of this. She doesn't even know me. For all she knows I hate having to do all of this shit, and I want something bad to happen to my parents. I don't, but she doesn't know that. I put the Mac n' Cheese in the bowl and dig through the fridge. I grab the left over chicken and stick it in the microwave. Cindy walks into the room and leans against the table. I guess she has more to say. I wish people would just say what they wanna say and stop staring at me. I hate the feeling of their eyes on me. It's different with her then it was with Georgia. Her stare was more…intense, I guess. I don't really know how to describe Cindy's, but it's definitely different.

"We could use someone like you at the school." Oh, so that's what she wants. Did Grampa Giles put her up to this or something? He's been trying to get me to go to the school ever since I killed that demon. I don't want to go. I don't want to leave all my friends to live in Ohio. I don't really remember Ohio too much 'cause the last time I was there I was like five or something, but I remember that I didn't like it a whole lot. Plus it's a hellmouth, and Mom says that weird stuff happens on hellmouths all the time, and that's why we don't go there a lot. "I've read your file." I have a file? "And if I'm not mistaken you're the strongest slayer in the entire world. Someone with your kind of power should be in an environment where they can grow, and hone their skills. And you would get your own bedroom, probably your own floor. I highly doubt Mr. Giles will let a teenage boy share a room with some of the teenage girls."

"I have my own room here." I don't sound mad or anything, even though I kinda am. I just wanna make dinner, why can't they just leave me alone and let me make dinner? "Giles already told me all of this, and I don't want to go. I'm not gonna pack up and leave my home to learn things that I can learn here. My moms are the original slayers. I thought everyone would be calling me lucky that they're my moms." She sighs a little bit and sits down. I really don't want to talk about this right now. If my mom found out she was telling me this she'd probably kick her out. She was pissed at Grampa Giles for going to Mama first about me going to the school. Anyway, before she can say anything the microwave beeps and I take the chicken out. Now I just need to fix the carrots and it'll be ready. Ok, so I guess I do have to use the stove again, but whatever. It's not like it matters.

"You are very lucky, but lets be realistic about this. Your mums are always going to see you as their baby boy. That's just how parents are. They may let you patrol when you're older, but if things get a little too rough for their liking they'll jump in and save you. How are you ever going to learn, and live up to your full potential if your mums interfere all the time?" Hmmm, I guess she does have a point. They do baby me all the time, the training isn't that much of a challenge, and they freaked out when I killed that demon that kidnapped Mom. "I'm not trying to convince you to leave. Your life is here, and I understand that. Just think about it, ok?" She smiles at me again, and I nod my head. She has a really nice smile, and perfect teeth. I wonder if she ever had braces. "I'll let you get back to your dinner." She stands up and leaves, and I can't help but check out her ass as she walks away. I think she's hot, so sue me.

I don't know what I want to do. I think it would be kinda cool to go to Cleveland and live at the slayer school. I wanted to go when I was ten and killed that demon, but I knew my moms wouldn't like that. But I'm older now, and I guess it would be like going off to college or something. I'd come back during the breaks, and summer so it's not like they'll never see me. But I don't think they'll let me, and it is up to them. If they say no it's not like I can run away. That's completely retarded, and Sky will be able to find me in a heartbeat, and I know my grampa will call my mom and tell her I'm there. I don't know. It's not like the have any other slayers that are as strong as I am. What I need to worry about right now is feeding my little brother and sister and giving them a bath so they can go to bed. So I'll just forget about all this other shit and think about that……for now at least.

BPOV

She's been gone for a week. A whole fucking week. I can't believe this. We still haven't found anything, the spell Sky and I did didn't work, and this is complete and udder bullshit. I can't do this without her. We've been together for so long that I don't know what it's like to live without her. I can't raise our babies by myself, and I definitely can't move on. She's still alive. I know she is. I can feel it. Call it intuition or whatever, but I know she's alive. She's still out there somewhere in some other dimension or something. I just need to find her. I need to save her from whatever hell dimension she's in. She has to be in a hell dimension. Why else would it be so hard to find her? The answer is in one of these books that Giles sent me along with a team of people who are going to help with the research.

I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night and it's making the research so much harder. Not that I've slept well since Faith left anyway. I had finally fallen asleep, and then I was woken up by the sound of Addison screaming. She had a nightmare about Faith. At first I panicked and thought that maybe it was a slayer dream because all Addison could say was that she saw her mama die. But then she told me that Faith was eaten by giant chocolate rabbits. It is slightly possible that Faith and Willow were taken to a dimension where there are giant man eating chocolate rabbits, but I think it has more to do with the fact that Addison has a phobia of chocolate rabbits. Apparently some kid in her class told her that the chocolate rabbits were once real rabbits that someone killed, gutted and coated with a thick layer of chocolate. I know, it's very fucked up. And thanks to that little story I'll never be able to look at a chocolate rabbit the same. Easter is now forever tainted.

"There's got to be a way to communicate with them," I say and look around the room. There are two other slayers here from the school, Cindy Walker, and Georgia Serra. Apparently they're both big brains and they're willing to help me out. I also have the head of the magical department, Chris Tinsdale, here helping out. I've never worked with him before, but I know Faith has. Remember when Addison was having those visions of the slayers being murdered, and then Faith went to Ohio? Well she met him then. He's been working at the school since it was set up, but Willow was in charge of hiring the magical help. I've met him before, and there's nothing about him that gives me the wiggins, but I've just never worked with him. I've been in semi-retirement since the collapse of Sunnydale. Or 'The Great Battle' as everyone likes to call it. Sky is here too and she looks just how I feel: absolutely exhausted.

"I need to take a break," Cindy Walker says, in her very light English accent. "Figuring out Latin always gives me a demon of a headache." Demons? Ok, I'm definitely forming a thought here, but what is it? Ok, Buffy don't force it or it'll just go away. Let's see, demons, what about demons can be useful to me right now? Well, I could definitely work off some aggression. But I don't think that's it. This is completely useless! There's nothing in these books that are going to help me get Faith back! I need to find another way. This one isn't working. It's not like we have Willow here to set up a portal between this dimension and wherever Faith is. Cindy's right, I think we just need to take a break. Refresh our brains, and maybe we'll be able to come up with something in a little bit.

"You guys should take a break. There's plenty of food in the kitchen if anyone's hungry." Everyone sighs in relief except for Sky and me. The other slayers get up and wander into the kitchen, but Chris heads to the bathroom. I glance over at Sky and she's still reading. She didn't even look up when I said they should take a break. That little statement was aimed at her too. She's pregnant with my best friend's baby, which makes her partly my responsibility. If anything happens to her while they're gone I'll never be able to forgive myself. I've been doing this a lot longer then Sky has. I'm used to staying up for a two days at a time reading and trying to find a solution to whatever problem we're facing. "Sky, I think you should take a break too." She's either ignoring me or she didn't hear me. I think I'll go with the first one. "Sky, did you hear me? I said you should take a break." My voice is a little louder and she definitely heard me that time.

"I can't take a break right now, Buffy," she sounds so tired. She's been sleeping over here a lot and our couch isn't the most comfortable thing in the world. When she does sleep it isn't very restful, and all of this stress isn't good for her or the baby. "Willow's still missing, we have no fucking clue where she is, and I'm not giving up until I find her." Wow. I don't think I've ever heard Sky use the 'f' word before. I've heard her say plenty of other things but never that. I try to say something else, but I can tell by the look on her face that I've pushed her a little too far. "I'm not raising this baby alone!" Her face is turning really red, and her hands are shaking a little bit. Now I've seen Sky break down before, but I've never seen her act like this.

"I can't do this by myself," her voice is still loud, but she isn't yelling anymore. "I need Willow. I can't do this without her." She starts crying, sobbing harder then I've never seen her sob before. I finally see her for what she is. Right now she isn't a slayer. She isn't this all powerful being that's meant to protect humanity. She's a lonely, desperate woman who's terrified that she'll never see her lover again. Maybe I shouldn't have spoken so harshly to her. But I'm scared too. I know the first pregnancy is always the scariest but does anyone honestly think I can raise a teenager, a kindergartener, and a toddler by myself? But right now this isn't about me, and I shouldn't try to make it that. I stand up from my chair and walk over to her. I sit down next to her on the couch, and wrap my arms around her. She doesn't hesitate before she squeezes back, and buries her face in my neck.

"Buffy, I'm scared," she breathes out between body shaking sobs. I gently stroke her hair, and rub her back, kind of like I do to the kids when they're upset. What? I'm a mom I can't help it. It's natural instinct to act this way. "I don't want to be alone. I can't…raise this baby…by myself." I can't even imagine what it's like to be her right now. She is wrong though. She isn't alone. I know it's going to sound a little corny but she has us. She has Dawn, and Giles, and me, and all of the women she's befriended at the slayer school. Her idiot parents may not want her because she's gay, and carrying Willow's child, but that doesn't mean she's alone. I wait until she starts to calm down a little before I voice that. I want her to be able to hear me over her sobs without having to yell in her ear.

"Sky, listen to me." I wait a couple of seconds until she makes herself calm down a little more. "You are not alone. Willow is out there somewhere, and we're going to get her back. But under the extremely and very unlikely circumstances that we don't, I promise you're not going to be alone. Dawn and I will be here to help you with your baby. And I know over half of the slayers at the school could come down here anyway they could to help you out. You're a very loved woman, and I promise there's no way you're going to be alone." She starts crying even harder, her entire body is shaking, and I pull her a little closer to me. She really needs to contact right now. I don't know how I know, I just do. I have tears welling up in my eyes but I don't let them fall. I can't have a melt down right now. If I have a melt down, then it'll be like I'm giving up hope, and I can't do that.

I don't know how long it takes Sky to calm down, but when I finally realize that her sobs have stopped I also notice that she's fast asleep. I don't want her to sleep on the couch again. N one should have to sleep on that more then one night a week, and she's done it for the passed couple of days. I very carefully untangle her from my body and set her down on the couch. I stand up and stretch a little bit and pop my aching neck. I slowly pick her up and cradle her like a child. She's just so fragile right now that my maternal instinct to protect and comfort is kicking in. I walk up the stairs and she wiggle around a little but she doesn't wake up. I push my bedroom door open with y foot and set her down on the bed. Then I grab the Afghan and cover her up. So if she's shaking up in here, then where am I going to sleep?

I really don't want to sleep on the couch, because like I said before it's uncomfortable to sleep on. Wait, why is Addison's light still on? Bedtime was hours ago. It doesn't really surprise me though. So she's been acting out. I've been really busy with the research and y kids have been a little ignored. Ok, a lot ignored. Matthew actually cooked dinner tonight because he was tired of pizza. It wasn't a gourmet meal or anything, but still enough to impress me. Faith and I are trying to teach him because it's a skill everyone should have, but he isn't very interested. Anyway, back to my original thought; why is Addison's light still on? I quietly walk over and press my ear against the door. I don't hear anything, but that doesn't mean she's asleep. I open up the door very slowly and what I see breaks my heart. She's awake alright, and she's sitting up in her bed. She's clutching the book Green Eggs and Ham to her chest, and there are tears in her eyes.

"Hey angel girl," I say softly. My voice still scares her, and she jumps a little. The tears roll slowly down her cheeks and her bottom lip starts to quiver. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Although I don't really think she's crying a little because I startled her. Especially with the way she's holding that book tighter. Faith used to always read her Green Eggs and Ham. It's always been Addison's favorite, even when she was a baby. I walk into the room and shut the door. I sit down on the edge of her bed but she doesn't move. "You miss Mama?" Stupid question I know. She nods her head yes and wipes the tears off her face. "Do you want me to read your book?" She shakes her head no. Ok, now what do I do? "Tell ya what, how about I sleep in here with you tonight?" She thinks about it for a few seconds then nods her head yes.

"Ok. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere, ok?" I smile a little but she didn't think it was funny. She's upset and not thinking clearly, that's all. Anyway, I stand up and leave the room. I shut the door behind me and lean against it. I feel so fucking guilty right now. I've been so wrapped up in trying to find my wife, and trying not to have a breakdown that I completely ignored our babies. I should've known they were going to take this even harder then me because they're little and they don't really understand what's happening. I think maybe tomorrow I'll leave the research up to Chris and the other slayers. I'll take Joseph to the park and spend the morning with him. Then I'll come back and pick up Matthew and Addison when they get out of school and we'll go somewhere for the day. I need to spend time with them before they think I don't care about them. Hell, they probably already do.

Anyway, I go into my bedroom and very quietly change into my pajamas. Well, they're not really pajamas. Boxers and one of Faith's baggy night shirts. After I did the laundry the other day I sprayed some of Faith's perfume on her night shirts so they'll smell a little like her. I know that probably sounds insane but I don't care. But maybe I shouldn't wear this to bed tonight. I don't want to upset Addison, and she knows what Faith's perfume smells like. She gets it special ordered from a store in California. No one else around here wears this type of perfume, and it's very distinctive. So I shouldn't wear it. Addison is upset enough as it is. So I take off the shirt and put on one of my own. It feels strange not wearing one of Faith's. I'm so used to doing it that it feels wrong not to.

I don't think I can do this much longer. I know I'm supposed to be a tough slayer but this is totally different. We have no idea what happened to them and all this waiting around is driving me crazy. This is worst then when Glory was after Dawn, at least then we knew someone was trying to kill her. But right now I can't think about it. I have to be here one hundred percent for my baby girl, so I'll just have to lock all these other thoughts away for tonight. So I very quietly leave the room and walk down the hall. The light is still on so she's probably still awake. She's really good about turning her light off. Addison needs almost pitch blackness to sleep. Faith is the same way. When I open the door I see Addison sitting in the exact same spot she was in when I left. I feel so bad for her. She may not get as much attention from us as before because she's in school most of the day, but it's always been more then what she's been getting.

"Hey angel girl," I say with a small smile. She isn't startled this time, which is good I guess. She doesn't say anything though, which is a little concerning. This is the kid that never shuts up, and now that she's quiet I just want to hear her voice. I walk in the room and shut the door. I sit down on the edge of her bed, and she tightens the grip on her book. She knows what's coming and I feel really bad about it. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry but you can't sleep with the book. The corners might hurt you." I reach over and gently take it away from her. She doesn't fight me on it though. Ok, now I'm scared. Since when does Addison not fight me on something? What am I supposed to do? "Sweetheart, you know you can tell me anything right?" She nods her head a little, and I give her a small smile. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" She thinks about it for a few seconds, but then she shakes her head no.

"Ok. Let's get some sleep, alright?" She nods her head a little bit. I pull back the covers and she scoots over to make some more room for me. I get up and turn out the light. I wait for my eyes to adjust before I move. I see her lying under the covers, waiting for me, and cuddling with her teddy bear. I don't think she's ever looked so small. Sure she used to be a tiny baby, but she has such a big personality that it made up for it, you know? I crawl into bed and cover myself up. I wrap an arm around her and hold her close to me. It feels good having her in my arms. There's almost nothing better then cuddling with your kids, especially when they're snuggling in close to feel safe. "Goodnight, sweetheart, I love you." I feel her snuggle even closer to me, and her face is pressed up against my neck. She takes in a deep breath, and I know she did it on purpose to breathe in my scent.

"Goodnight Mommy. I love you," she whispers very softly. If I didn't have slayer hearing I probably wouldn't have heard her. I smile a little, and gently rub her back. I force myself to stay awake and just hold her, and rub her back. She's definitely just like Faith. Rubbing her back is a guaranteed way to put her to sleep. My smile gets a little bigger when I hear her breathing deepen, and she goes completely limp in my arms. I don't know what it is about holding one of your kids while they fall asleep that's so great. I used to do it all the time with Joseph but he really does need to sleep in his own bed. But for tonight I get to be a little selfish and have this moment with my kid, and I don't have to think about anything bad. Thank God for my kids, or I'd probably be completely insane by now.


	73. Struggling part 2

My laptop is still out of commission but I'm slowly working on the updates on my sister's computer. I'm typing them up as fast as I can, but I have to share this computer with two other people, and I watch a three-year-old all day so it's going to take some time. Thank you for your patience. I hope you enjoy!

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**The Following Day**. FPOV

"Hey," I hear someone say. I look up from the book I've been reading for the last couple of hours and see Buffy standing in the doorway. Things haven't been awkward like I thought they were going to be. Which is good 'cause I'm stressed out enough as it is. "My Faith, I mean this reality's Faith, called a few minutes ago and she wants to talk to me in person. I won't be back in time to make dinner, do you think you can order out? I left some menus by the phone, and the take out money is in the coffee can on top of the fridge." It's kinda of hard to describe the look on her face right now. It's like she wants to go just to get it over with but at the same time she doesn't want to go at all.

"Yeah, I can do that," I tell her and nod my head a little. Ok, so should I ask or should I mind my own business? Hopefully she doesn't get mad at me. "Do you know what she wants to talk about?" If I had to guess I'd say she wants a divorce. She probably wants to run off with the chick she's with now. God that's gotta be rough. I have no idea what the fuck I'd do if B ever left me for someone else. Ok, so I have a pretty good idea, but what happens after that? I mean, the only person this Buffy has ever been with is my evil twin. How is she supposed to get over that? Sure she has the kids to fuss on, but not for that much longer. In a couple of years they'll be off at college, and she'll be by herself.

"I don't know, she didn't say. And she sounded a little nervous, and…" her eyebrows scrunch up just like my Buffy's does when she's confused about something. "Optimistic, I guess. So hopefully it won't be too bad." Hopefully it won't 'cause she's been through enough as it is. She doesn't need anymore shit thrown at her. We're both quiet now, but it isn't uncomfortable. It's really weird how we get along so well, and how comfortable we are with each other. She's almost nothing like my Buffy, but I still understand her. It's really fuckin weird if ya ask me. But you didn't so I'll shut up about it now since she's talking again. "Have you and Willow gotten any farther with the research?" Hey she's gotten better. She actually said Red's name without cringing. That's progress. She couldn't do that yesterday.

"No, not really. Red knows a couple spells about sending things to different dimensions but she doesn't' have that kinda power anymore. She doesn't want to risk trying them 'cause we could end up in some hell dimension and not even have a chance at getting home. Right now I'm looking for a way to send my B a message. She's probably freaking out right now, and I wanna let her know I'm in a safe place." Her face falls a little bit and I get why. It's gotta be painful for her to see me so worried about my wife and kids when her ex doesn't really give a shit. Well, she cares about the kids. She took Addy out to dinner after the soccer game, and took Joey out for a little while a couple days later. I guess she wants to stay a part of their lives, but she's made it pretty obvious that she couldn't care less about Buffy.

"I need to go get ready," she says and practically runs away. Fuck. I just had to bring it up. I'm not sorry that I'm trying to find a way to talk to my wife, or at least send her a message, but I don't want to hurt this Buffy. Mostly because that's a dick thing to do, and partly because if she kicks us out we have no where else to go. You're probably wondering where Red is. Even if you're not I'm going to tell you anyway. She tried to do a spell earlier, one that would let her build a portal between this reality and ours, and it wiped her out. She's outside right now meditating or whatever to try and find her center or some shit like that. She could build a portal by draining some of my energy but we're saving that as a last resort since it could kill me.

I hear Buffy say bye to the kids, and then I hear the front door open and close. So she's mad at me, or upset or whatever. She usually tells me when she's gonna leave. Why do I feel like she? It's not like she's my wife and I did anything wrong. I don't even know these people. Alright, Faith just calm down. You're just tired that's all. Why the fuck am I talking to myself in third person? I just need to keep reading to hopefully find a way to talk to B…………I can't read this shit anymore. My eyes feel like they're gonna start bleeding. Hmm, the door bell just went off. I wonder who's at the door? I get up and walk into the living room. I get about halfway to the door when Addy barrels down the fuckin stairs and makes a mad dash for the door. I let her beat me to it since it's not my house.

"Jeez, you got here fast," Addy says, and I can just tell she has a big smile on her face. Great, it's Colin. Colin is her asshole, beefstick boyfriend. I hate him if you couldn't tell that by now. I guess as soon as B told the kids she was leaving Addy called this prick. I've met him a couple times before when I was having the dreams. I can tell just by the look in his eyes that he doesn't feel anything for her other then lust. I'm pretty sure she's already fooled around with him, like third base stuff. I don't think they've had sex. I give Colin a little smile as Addy takes him by the hand and leads him into the living room. I close the door and watch as they get settled on the couch. He looks a little nervous, and I guess it's because of me.

"We're having Chinese tonight," I say as Addy turns the TV on. "Let me know when you get hungry. I'll be right in the dining room." I make eye contact with Colin and raise an eyebrow. Now he looks really nervous. He knows I'm not the 'real' Faith. I guess Addy's already explained to him about slayers and stuff 'cause she didn't hesitate to let him know that I'm not her real mom. I know it shouldn't have, but it hurt when she said it. Anyway, I got back into the dining room and sit down at the table. I don't know why this guy pisses me off so much, but he does. Addy isn't really my daughter but I still see red at the thought of that asshole having his hands on her. I walked in on them making out the other day, and he had his hand under her shirt and he's fuckin lucky I'm just a human here or I might've killed him.

I know this is just what teenagers do. Hell, look at me when I was a teenager. I did way more then just kiss and light petting. I took Xander's cherry, not that he was complaining or anything. It's good that Addy has a boyfriend that she can share the slayer stuff with. Emotions can run really high when you deal with life and death all the time, and I'm glad she has someone to comfort her. I just don't like the thought of her having comfort sex. Or any kind of sex for that matter. And this is just the alternate universe Addy I'm freaking out about. I don't even want to think about what it's gonna be like when my Addy is a teenager. Fuck, I'll be lucky to reach fifty without having a heart attack.

I hear Addy giggle and I roll my eyes. What is it about jockey beefsticks that has girls flocking to them? Ok so I have been with a couple jocks, but it wasn't that great. My romp in the sheets with Xander was a lot more satisfying and he was a virgin. To be fair I didn't really enjoy it with the jocks because they were fighting with me for control. They couldn't just lay back and let me have my way with them. Nooo, they wanted to be on top. Back then sex was more about the control for me, but you probably already guess that by now. Anyway, what is it about jocks that girls love so much? Maybe with Addy it isn't the jock thing because Colin is her second boy friend. Her first boyfriend was this guy named Shawn. B said she didn't really like him that much, but he was a good kid.

Buffy's been gone for about two hours now. I hope everything's ok. It isn't safe for me to be walking around at night since I'm not a slayer. That, and it isn't a good idea because someone could confuse me for the other Faith. Or I could run into the other Faith. That would be all sorts of bad. She could think I'm some weird demon look alike and kill me. Yeah that would be bad. I really don't wanna die here. I don't wanna die period, but I know one day it's gonna happen. But I want it to be at home when I'm really old. After my kids have given me grandkids, and they've given me great grandkids. One night I'll got to bed and snuggle up to Buffy and I won't wake up. Yeah, that's how I want it to be.

"I can't fucking believe her!" I guess B's home. The door slams and some of the windows shake. Fuck, I can practically feel her anger from here. Ok, so what did my evil twin do that was so bad? "Colin it's time for you to go home." I hear Addy start to whine. Wow, she must be thick in the head. Either that or B doesn't get angry that often, so Addy doesn't know not to whine. "Don't you dare start. It's time for Colin to go home. You can go out on the front porch and say goodbye, but be back in this house in five minutes." Damn, she sounds really fuckin pissed. Whenever she got mad when I had the dreams she would force herself to be calm in front of the kids. But just now she didn't hold back. I hear her stomping towards the kitchen, so that's where I head.

"She's just so fucking……God, I can't even think of a word strong enough to describe how frustrating she is." When I walk into the kitchen I see Buffy standing at the table with a newly opened bottle of tequila in one hand. The other is balled up into a very tight fist. It's a good thing she keeps her fingernails cut short or she'd probably be bleeding right now. "She cheats on me with some skank half her fucking age, and ignores me for a couple of years, and now she wants to get back together." She looks into my eyes before she takes a very large gulp of the yellowish liquid. She starts coughing like a lung is trying to come up, but she gets it under control. "No, no, no she doesn't' just want to get back together. She wants to 'reconnect'. Is she on drugs? Did she bump her head really hard on patrol one night and forget about everything she did to me?" She takes another large drink and starts coughing again.

"Maybe she finally realized she's never going to find anyone better then you," I say in a soft tone. She glares at me like she wants to gut me or something. Ok, or I could not give my opinion. That would be great too. She throws back another couple of gulps, and the coughing isn't as bad anymore. Her balance is staring to become an issue but at least it doesn't sound like she has T.B. She doesn't say anything else as she silently broods, and drinks. No wonder my Buffy hates it when I do that. I'm dying to know exactly what happened but she isn't saying a word. And I can see her eyes get more and more glazed over. "Maybe you should lay off that stuff for a while. You're not a heavy drinker, B. Wouldn't want ya to puke in your sleep and choke to death." She wrinkles her eyebrows a little as she looks at me over the bottle.

"Ok, B, that's enough." She rolls her eyes and takes another long drink. What a little brat. I know she's not my wife, but I still don't want her to die from alcohol poisoning or whatever. "Half a bottle of tequila is enough for you." I walk around the table so I'm standing next to her. I can smell her perfume and it's the same kind my Buffy uses. I ignore it though and slowly take the bottle from her hand. Thank God she doesn't fight me or things could've gotten violent. "Come on. Let's get you upstairs." Wow, that came out a lot more sexual then I thought it would be. What is wrong with me? "You don't wanna pass out in here do you?" She slowly shakes her head no. "Ok then, come on. I'll put you to bed and maybe the hang over won't be very brutal." Yeah right. That thing's gonna be brutal. My B can barely open her eyes after drinking that much tequila and she's a slayer.

"Gonna fall," she says in a whispered groan. I barely have time to get prepared for it when she starts to tilt to one side. I reach out as quick as I can and wrap my hands around her waist and pull her towards me. She buries her face in my neck and her entire body is pressed against mine. Man, she's really fuckin out of it. She's gonna feel like hell ate her and shit her out when she wakes up in the morning. "You feel so good." She starts nuzzling my neck with her nose. "Why are you so nice to me? You're always so nice." Great, now she gains the ability to talk in full sentences. Before I get a chance to answer her, she pulls her head back and presses her lips against mine. She tastes like the alcohol, but her lips feel so good. Just like my Buffy's.

"We can't do this," I breathe out more then I say. I guess she doesn't really care though. Her hands wrap around the back of my neck and she kisses me again. This one is a lot rougher then the last. I want to give in because she feels just like my Buffy, but I can't because she's not. I push her back and she stumbles a little bit. She doesn't' fall though. The room gets really fuckin tense and we just stare at each other for what feels like forever. "You're drunk, ok? So I'm not gonna get pissed about that. Let's just get you to your room." Her eyes glaze over even more, and she starts to lose her balance. I rush forward and grab her right before she falls. Great, and she's out cold. Well, getting her to bed is going to be really fun. Yep, just like a barrel full of monkeys.

SPOV

I know she's only been gone for a week, but it feels like she's been gone longer. I know it sounds completely insane but I'm already starting to forget some thins about her. Just little things that I've definitely taken for granted. Like the feel of her breath on the back of my neck when I'm trying to fall asleep. Or the feel of her soft lips on mine as we kiss each other hello when I get home from work. It's almost crazy how quickly those little kisses became a habit for us. With all of the guys I dated whenever I wanted to give them a little hello or goodbye kiss I always had to remind myself. But with Willow it's completely different. It's like an automatic response now. I'm starting to forget what those things feel like and it's making me so fucking sad. I love her so much, so why am I forgetting things after just a week apart?

Ok, I need to get a grip. She's lost right now, but I'll get her back. She just needs me to find her. I've been reading these books for almost a week straight and we haven't found anything. The spell Buffy and I tried backfired big time. We had to lay on the ground together completely naked which was really uncomfortable, and embarrassing, and the fucking thing didn't even work. Buffy had a very heated argument, well according to her it was heated I didn't see or hear any of it, with Spike. Meanwhile I got a sneak peak into the life of Bill Bright. I dated him and dumped him my freshmen year of college. And what was ol' Billy boy up to when I saw him? He was snorting cocaine off a stripper's ass. I'm so glad I only slept with him four times. But that's beside the point.

The point is we don't know shit. The person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with is missing, our baby is getting just a little bigger every day, and I'm a complete mess. I've never felt like this before. When my husband died I wanted him back so much, but it wasn't like this. I wanted him back because I felt so guilty for him dying. If I had just been honest with him about not wanting to get married then he wouldn't have been driving down that road to come home, and he wouldn't have been in the accident. I need to get Willow back because I can't do this without her. This is probably why slayers weren't supposed to get mixed up with other people. I know it's what made Buffy the strongest, most capable slayer of her time, but I understand why the original council made up that rule. I'm supposed to be this demon fighting, ass kicking, super hero or whatever, and I can barely function anymore.

I hear someone walk in the room and I look up. It's just Georgia. I was kind of expecting Dawn to stop by. She's really good at the research. Georgia is one of the slayers that Giles sent to help out. The other one is Cindy. He also sent Mr. Tinsdale to help with the magical stuff. I can't help but smile when I see the look on Georgia's face. This girl has been trying so hard to get Matt's attention since the minute she walked through the front door. She's being too subtle though. Thirteen-year-old boys aren't good at reading between the lines. It's a little strange that a fifteen-year-old is chasing after a thirteen-year-old if you ask me. But I will admit that Matt does not look thirteen. And because of everything he's been through he doesn't act like a normal thirteen-year-old boy.

Georgia is really mad right now because Matt's girlfriend is here. The two are hanging out in the backyard. Buffy absolutely hates this girl. Matt is her son and she doesn't want anyone else to love him. At least that's what she said when she thought she was alone. It's not like I was spying on her or anything. I walked into the kitchen for some water as she said it. Anyway, Ashley doesn't seem so bad. I'm sure there are a lot of boys at their school who want to date her. Watching all of this drama is putting me in a better mood. It's taking my mind off all of the stress that I'm under which is nice. That little freak out I had in Buffy's arms last night is proof of how much we need to get Willow and Faith back. The only reason I'm so calm right now is because I'm forcing myself to be. If I get too stressed out I could miscarry and that would be horrible.

"Who does that little hoochie think she is?" Buffy grumbles as she walks into the room. And here we go. "Matthew is only thirteen. She needs to find a boy her own age to date." She sits down in her spot in the recliner and picks up the book she's been reading. I try really hard not to smile. I'm not really smiling because of Buffy. Seeing her acting like this kind of reminds me of Willow. I know my little gingersnap is going to be just like this when our baby is a teenager and dates someone for the first time. This kid's sexual organs haven't even developed yet and he or she isn't going to be dating until they're eighteen. At least that's what Willow said. She also said that slayer or not our child isn't going to be participating in the vampire slaying or demon hunting. We'll have to wait and see about that one though.

"Oh come on, Buffy," Cindy says in her light British accent. "It's just puppy love. It's very innocent, and sweet." She has this little smile on her face, and this far off look in her eyes, and it's obvious she's talking about herself. "Everything is brand new and exciting." Ok, I guess her very first boyfriend was a good one. Mine was nothing like that. "Besides in a couple of years he'll be sixteen and that's when you really need to start worrying. Right Georgia?" I'm not the only one who knows Georgia has a crush on Matt. Georgia blushes but she doesn't say anything. Poor girl. Cindy is always teasing her. Well, that's what best friends are for I guess. So far these two have been very…professional, but sometimes they bicker like kids. Which is perfectly normal since they're only fifteen and seventeen. And I guess the fact that Georgia likes Matt is news to Buffy because she looks very surprised and slightly confused.

"You ok over there Buffy?" I ask and sound oh so innocent. I'm really at that. She just nods her head and starts reading the large leather book. I would keep reading mine but I can't focus right now. I've read so much today already I think my head is going to implode. And the baby must be getting hungry because my stomach is starting to hurt. "I'm going to make some lunch. Georgia, you wanna help out with that?" She nods her head and stands up. Might as well save her from Cindy's teasing. We got into the kitchen and I start pulling out all of the stuff I'm going to need from the fridge. I look over at Georgia and she's staring out one of the windows. She has a glare on her face so she's probably looking at Matt and Ashley. Ah, to be young and in love. Too bad she likes a boy that's already taken.

"You know," I say and start putting some mayonnaise on the bread. "We're going to get Willow and Faith back, and when we do your job here will be done and you'll have to go back to Cleveland." I'm not trying to be mean but maybe if she looks at the reality of the situation then things won't be so hard for her. Then again she's a fifteen-year-old who has a crush on a cute boy. There is no reality for her. She sighs a little bit and starts putting the turkey on the bread. I've known Georgia for a few years now. Her older sister, Betty, is a slayer too. Both of these girls are like sister to me. That's why seeing her hurting over Matt is cute, but hard at the same time.

"You're right," she says and puts the sliced tomatoes on top of the turkey. "But I'm coming back in about a month or something like that. I was picked to be one of the girls who gets to come down here and be trained by Faith." Oh right. I forgot all about that. Faith has like this slayer outreach program or whatever you wanna call it. Basically a few of the girls who are struggling the most are going to live here in Lincoln during the school year and Faith is going to help them. Georgia is a good slayer, and she's great at the research, but she's had a hard time dealing with the move to the school. "I know he's seeing someone else." She pauses to look out the window and glare at Ashley. "But……I don't know. There's just something about him that's different from all the other guys I've met." I smile a little bit, and stop what I'm doing to look at her.

"Georgia, he's only thirteen. I know he seems really different but that's because he's a slayer. He's had to grow up a little faster then most people his age, just like you had to. But he's still only thirteen. He's not going to be able to give you what you need in a relationship." Great, she looks so sad now. I didn't mean to do that. Maybe I'm not so good at this big sister thing. I've never been a big sister before. I put a hopefully comforting hand on her shoulder, and wait until she's looking into my eyes. "One day you're going to find a great guy who's going to treat you how you deserve to be treated. And who knows maybe it will be Matt. But right now he's definitely not that guy. He just isn't old enough yet." She sighs and goes back to making the sandwiches.

"That's a little hypocritical, don't you think?" Ok what the hell is she talking about? I wasn't being a hypocrite. "Willow is eight years older then you, but you two are still together. Shouldn't she be trying to find someone her own age who's mature enough to give her what she needs." She's only fifteen, and that fact is the only thing that's stopping me from smacking her right now. The last thing I need right now is Giles pissed off at me. "Matt's only two years younger then me. If you were my age then Willow would be twenty-three. You two dating would be illegal." I hold my breath and try to count to ten, but I'm way too pissed to remember my numbers.

"It's completely different. Willow and I are emotionally the same. We've both been through more then you can imagine. We're perfect for each other even if we are eight years apart." Ok so I didn't yell at her or cuss or get violent so I'd say that was a success. She finishes the last sandwich and drops it onto the plate. The worst part about living in Ohio was dealing with over emotional, hormone driven teenage outbursts just like this. It wouldn't be so bad but she's saying a lot of things that my mother said when I told them I'm dating Willow. I'm sure if Willow was a man she wouldn't have any problem with the age difference. But since Willow is a woman suddenly the fact that we're almost a decade apart is perverted and wrong.

"Why, because Kennedy left her, and she went all crazy. And because your husband died and you shut everyone out? Is that why you're perfect for each other?" Fuck this shit. I turn and slap her across the face. A red mark instantly appears but I don't care. She opens her mouth to say something else, but before she gets a word out I grab her by the throat. I know I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but right now I couldn't care less. I push her back until I have her pinned against the wall. There's a lot of fear in her big blue eyes, but there's anger too. The slayer inside of her is probably screaming for her to hit me back.

"You're only fifteen so there's a lot you don't know about people in general. But don't' you ever talk about my husband to me ever again. Do you understand me?" I don't think I've ever sounded this pissed off before in my entire life. Anyway, she nods her head and her eyes get really wide when I tighten my grip on her throat. "And don't' ever bring up Kennedy again. You got that?" She nods her head really fast and I let go. She starts coughing an trying to take in deep breaths. I know Willow loves me, but I get jealous. Kennedy is the woman Willow wanted to marry, and have children with. I know it's my old engagement ring on Willow's finger, and our baby growing in my womb, but I think that jealousy is always going to be there. At least I can blame it on hormones. That's a plus.

"I'll go tell everyone lunch is ready," she says and leaves the room. It's a good thing she did 'cause I really need to hit someone. Maybe Buffy will spar with me later. I know I'm pregnant but Buffy knows how to hold back. She and Faith used to spar all the time when Faith was pregnant with Addison. At least that's what Faith told me. Then again she wiggled her eyebrows after she said it so she was probably using it as code for sex. Yeah, now that I'm thinking about it she definitely used it as an innuendo. Matt was in the room when we were talking about how different things are going to be now that I'm pregnant. That's also the same day Willow was wearing this green shirt that showed more cleavage then she normally shows. It drove me crazy all day until we got home. God I miss her so much. I think I'm going crazy. I really need her back because I can't live without her. I definitely can't raise our baby without her. After lunch I'm going to really buckle down and find a way to get her back.


	74. We're Off To See The Wizard

And here it is, the long awaited new chapter! I finally have my laptop back, but there is a downside. I can no longer access the internet at my sister's place, and I live there during the week. So there will be more updates then there have been the last couple months, but I won't be able to get them to you right when they finish like I was able to before. Anyway, I'll start working on the next chapter tonight. I hope you enjoy.

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One Week Later. BPOV

This can't be happening. This just can't be happening. For five years I've gone without talking to Willow, and now it looks like I'm going to have to talk to her again. Faith and Willow from the other reality have been in my reality for two weeks. We haven't found anything in the books, and both of them are going completely insane. They're not sure if time moves differently here then it does there. Willow's fiancé could have had the baby, and given up hope. That's what both of them are really freaked out about. That their lovers are going to give up on them, and move on. Faith is worried that she's going to miss her kids growing up. I have no idea what I would do if I were her right now. Probably crying hysterically or something just as dramatic. I wouldn't be as calm as she is, that's for sure.

Seeing these two freak out is sad, but sweet at the same time. They're willing to do anything to get back to their own reality that they're willing to ride a fifteen hour plane ride to Australia to talk to a person I'm not even sure is going to help us. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know we're coming. I talked to Giles, for the first time in two years, three days ago. I gave him the summarized version of what's been going on, and he was speechless for a while. But eventually he agreed that we need to get these two back to their own dimension before there's hell to pay. He said something about the cosmic balance being out of order or something like that. I don't really pay attention when he starts talking about things that involve words I've never heard of.

He bought our plane tickets, reserved us some hotel rooms, and gave us Willow's home address. He didn't say whether he was going to call Willow or not. Hopefully he did. I don't want this to be a surprise. This really isn't something that you should be shocked by. And I know because I was. When Faith and Willow first knocked on the door, and they said they were from another dimension I thought I was going to have a heart attack. It isn't just the fact that I'm bringing really big news, and a really big problem to Australia. It's the fact that I'm going to see Willow again. Willow and I were best friends since our sophomore year of high school. We were like sisters. I have no idea how things are going to go, and it's really freaking me out. When I see her will I want to strangle her? Will I break down crying because of how much I've missed her? Or will I be cold like I have been to Faith?

I guess we'll know in a little while. We'll be landing in about an hour or so. Willow is asleep, but that's not surprising. She's been sleeping a lot since she came here. It has something to do with the fact that she doesn't have as much magic running through her anymore. Now she has the energy of a normal human being, and apparently that isn't enough. The research has suffered because of it. I've helped as much as I can but I have a job that I need to go to because I'm the sole provider of my household. I have no idea how I'm going to do it because things are getting a little too tight. I guess when they start to get really bad I'll have to go to Faith with my tail between my legs and ask her to help out. I can handle the bills, and the mortgage we aged off a couple years ago, but if she could pay for the groceries that would be great. Addison and Joseph might not be slayers but they sure eat like they are.

Things have been a little easier now that Faith, this reality's Faith, is starting to come around. I guess she thought I wouldn't let her see the kids even if she asked nicely. So she stayed away until she thought I was cooled off. At least that was her excuse. I'm not sure if I buy it or not. She looked me in the eyes when she said it, and she seemed sincere but Faith is pretty good at lying. I learned that very early on in our relationship. I know her well enough now to tell when she's lying and when she's not, but this time I'm not so sure. I know she would do anything to help the kids, but I don't know how far she'll go to help me. I've never had to worry about financial security before, and it's really freaking me out. I could lose everything, and that scares me.

When she told me she wanted to try and 'reconnect' I started laughing. But when I realized she was serious I got really mad. Ok, I was downright pissed off. I'm no longer welcome at that particular Red Robin, but that's ok. I don't like that place anyway. The point is the conversation with Faith went really bad. She was better then I thought she was going to be. Normally when we start fighting she'll get right in my face. Once she got physical. She used her slayer strength to hold me against the wall until I heard whatever bullshit she had to say. She spent a couple weeks in jail for that until I dropped the charges, and she's never done that again. I'll admit that I overstepped some bounds during that argument, but nobody deserves that.

Ok, I totally got off the subject. When I had dinner with Faith I was so rude to her. Even though she deserves nothing but my hate and rudeness I think I might have gone a little too far with it. The point I'm trying to make is I don't know if she's going to help me out money wise because I shot her down. There's no way I can ever be with her again. After everything she did to me I can barely look at her. I miss her. I'll admit that I do miss her. But I miss the caring, supportive woman I feel in love with back in high school. The woman who was there for me when my mom got sick and I needed someone else to lean on. She's nothing like she used to be. I don't know who Faith is anymore, and it makes me so sad.

"Here. You look like you can use this," Faith says and puts a glass down in front of me on the little tray. It's full of an amber-ish liquid and I just know it's Jack Daniels. I guess this Faith and my Faith have a lot more in common then I thought. I pick up the glass and take a sip, and then put it back down. I'm not a big drinker, especially whiskey. After Daniel died in the car accident all Faith did was drink, and work. It took her a couple of months to pay attention to Addison and Joseph again. I can't keep dwelling on it though. Faith and I are over for good, and sure it's only been a little over a month since I kicked her out, but I need to start moving on. Maybe after Faith and Willow are sent back to their dimension I can at least try to date again.

"Thanks for the thought, but I'm not a big drinker. Last week I just really needed a drink because of that thing with Faith," I tell her and look out the window. We've been flying over nothing but ocean for a while and it's totally freaking me out. I look away and hold my breath. I will not get sick, I will not get sick, I will not get sick. I tense up when I feel something touch my hand. I look down and see Faith's hand on top of mine. I hear her chuckle, but I know she's not laughing at me. That was a nervous chuckle, which is her way of saying 'don't' worry about it, I'm scared too'. "Maybe I could use a drink after all." I smile, but it's nervous and a little forced.

"Don't worry about it, B," she says in a very soothing voice. I lean a little closer to her and she entwines her fingers with mine. God I miss this so much. Having someone else touch me, even if it isn't in a sexual way. I'll admit that it's been a very long time since I've had a good roll in the sack. Faith stopped touching me a long time ago, and the one time I tried to have an affair I just couldn't. I couldn't betray her like that. But we're separated now, and I'm sure a divorce is just around the corner. So I have absolutely no loyalties to her anymore. I can date, and have sex with anyone I want and there's not a damn thing she can do about it. I'm not saying I'm going to jump into bed with the first willing person, but if I do find someone I want to sleep with I won't feel guilty about it.

"Do you think Willow is gonna help us?" Faith asks and my eyebrows raise a little. I think that's the first time I've heard her use the name Willow instead of the nickname Red. This reality's Faith never used that nickname, so it was a little weird to hear her say it at first, but I've gotten so used to it that it's strange to hear her using Willow's real name. Ok, I think I'm going completely insane. "Of course she will, right?" She sounds so nervous, and I don't blame her. There's a chance that Willow will turn us away, and it's freaking me out too. "She isn't evil or anything, right? And getting us back home would definitely fall under the category as something a good guy would do. So why wouldn't she help us?" Because seeing me might be too overwhelming for her. I don't say that, though. That would be too insensitive.

"I can't think of a reason. But you have to remember she's very different from your reality's Willow. She hasn't dedicated her life to fighting the forces of evil. She's always had a natural talent for witchcraft, and it was something she always just sort of played around with to try and impress me because she thought if she wasn't cool enough I would spend all my time with Faith. I know it sounds childish but we were just teenagers. And then a couple of times Faith needed her to do a spell as a favor, and her power started to grow. Especially after she stared dating Paul." Yeah, that's the name of the abusive asshole boyfriend I ran out of town. He isn't just a normal guy. He's a warlock with a lot of power, and he taught Willow a lot about magic, and now she's one of the most powerful witches in the world.

"Ok, so don't expect her to help. Right. Got it," she says and holds onto my hand a little tighter. I'm not becoming emotionally attached to her or anything, but it feels nice to hold her hand like this. She's scared, and worried she might never get home again, and if holding my hand gives her a little comfort then I'm happy to let her. I may be a hateful, cold, bitter shell of the person I was before this reality's Faith broke me, but I'm not that heartless. "Does Giles know a coven of witches in England?" I give her a weird look and she sighs. "I'll take that as a no. My Giles knows this coven of pretty powerful witches somewhere in England, and if Red won't help us I thought they might be able to do something." Oh. Well I guess that makes sense.

"No. He doesn't know anybody like that. The Watcher's Council pretty much stick to themselves. Giles almost had a heart attack when he found out Faith told me about her being the slayer. And then Willow found out and a bunch of badness ensued after that. I don't blame her for thinking we were crazy. I mean, what would you have thought?" She gets this look on her face and I know what she's thinking. That's Faith's 'it's really fuckin cool' face. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but we were together for so long that I've memorized all of her faces. And like I said before this Faith and my Faith aren't all that different. The only big differences that I can see are the tattoo, and the fact that she still cares about her wife. So much so that we're flying all the way out to Australia on a possibility. Could my life get anymore depressing?

FPOV

Something is up. I know something is up, but they won't tell me. This morning I gotta call on my cell phone from Buffy. She said that she has to go out of town for a few days and she can't take the kids with her, and she doesn't want to leave them on their own. Of course I said I would watch them. I'm their mom too. But it's really fuckin weird because I'm over at Chyla's. I told Buffy that it's the only place I can stay, and she said ok. That's why I know something more then her having to go to a conference for work is up. But the kids aren't saying anything, so maybe I'm just being paranoid. Then again I know Buffy better then anyone and she would rather have her mom drive all the way over from Monterey so the kids won't be around Chyla. And I don't blame her at all.

But here they are, sitting in Chyla's living room, watching TV and eating Cheese Its. I don't think they're going to get off their asses today. The TV is a 71'' flat screen. It might take them a day or two to get used to it and then the coolness will wear off. They're being perfect about the situation, which I totally didn't expect. They've met Chyla and that was only slightly awkward. The conversation was tense, and no one really knew what to say, which is just what I expected. It's like I'm the only one who's freaking out about this. Teenagers can be very fickle, or whatever. Right now they like Chyla 'cause she has a huge TV, but what's going to happen when they don't care about that anymore? I look over at the clock and sigh a little bit.

"Addy, you need to get ready for soccer practice," I tell her, but she doesn't move. Her eyes never leave the TV. I can tell she heard me because her shoulders tensed just a little bit. She's ignoring me. Oh is this how it's going to be? They're nice to Chyla 'cause she has the big, cool house with the big, cool stuff but I'm the evil person who hurt their mother so I'm treated like shit? They need to learn how to get over it. "I know you heard me, go get ready." Her entire back is tensed up, but she's doing her best to act like she doesn't care. Alright, if she wants to play it this way then we'll play it this way. I pick up the remote and turn the TV off. Both of them turn around so fast I'm surprised their heads didn't go flying off.

"What the fuck? We were watching that," Addy says with so much anger in her voice that she doesn't even sound like herself. If they think they don't have to listen to me just because they don't like me then they're in for a rude fucking awakening. I put the remote down and cross my arms over my chest. This is the kind of shit that I'm good at. Taking the role of the leader, and being all tough. I have to do this at my day job, and when I slay at night. I'm the oldest slayer in history. I've faced countless demons and vampires and survived every one of them. If Addy thinks she can fuck with me then she has another thing comin.

"Don't talk to me like that. I know you guys are pissed off at me. I get it. You hate me. I'm nothing but a big horrible monster. Well tough. I'm still your mother, and you have no right treating me like this. Now go get ready or you're going to be late." Addy looks into my eyes and I know she's trying to stare me down. She looks pretty fuckin pissed, and if I were a teenage girl I'd be scared. But I'm not. I'm the slayer, and I'm her mother, and there's no way in hell she's going to win this. After about three minutes of just intense staring she pushes herself off the floor and stomps off to her bedroom. She slams the door as hard as she can and some of the pictures on the walls shake. "Don't slam the door! This isn't your house!" It's not mine either, but she still has to respect it.

I think things were easier when I babied them. Addy never had me wrapped around her finger. I just didn't want to say no because she can act like a brat and I didn't want to deal with it. Plus it made Buffy mad and the only time she ever showed me any real emotion was when she was telling me her concerns about the kids. You know, I didn't expect her to jump at the idea of getting back together with me, I really didn't. But she laughed in my face, and completely freaked out. I was willing to change, to try and be better, and it was just nothing to her. Now I don't give a shit what she does. She wants to fly off somewhere to get away for a few days that's fine. But if she thinks it's going to be happening all the time then fuck her. I have a life too, and she can't expect me to just drop all of my plans because she wants to get away for the weekend.

But enough about Buffy. I don't want to talk about her. I don't even want to think about her right now. I need to just focus on my kids. I need to prove that this can work not only for them but for myself. If I can't make this work then they will fight against me even more then they already are. They won't want to be around me at all, and yeah I can force them because I'm their mother, but they'll just end up hating me. I don't want that to happen. I'm not trying to be the cool mom that they always want to be around. If I wanted to do that I'd just give 'em my credit card and take 'em to the mall. Yeah I've done that with Addy a few times, but that was shopping for new school clothes, and when she needed some new dresses. It's not like I'm trying to buy their love. Although, I gotta admit Chyla having that huge TV is definitely working in my favor.

"Go put your shoes on, ok?" I tell Joey and he gets this 'why should I listen to you?' type of look on his face. It's really starting to piss me off. It never bothered me before, but right now I just wanna smack it off his face. But I'd never hit one of my kids, ever. "We're all gonna go to Addy's practice and then we're gonna get some dinner. So go put your shoes on." He gets up and walks towards his room. Well, the guest room that he's staying in. Chyla was damn near ready to call an interior decorator to let the kids personalize the rooms, but I told her to hold off on that. I don't know how long I'm going to be staying here, and I don't know if they're ever going to be back so I don't think they should get attached to the rooms just yet.

It doesn't take the kids long to get ready. Me taking charge isn't such a strange thing. I am the slayer after all. Taking charge with my kids is something I'm not used to though. Even when they were babies I gave 'em whatever they wanted. Especially Addy. She's my girl. My whole world revolves around her, and she knows it. It took me a while to figure it out but I know it too. I know that probably sounds slightly incestuous, but it's not like that so fuck off. I know you're probably eager to take a trip inside the mind of me, but I don't really have the time or the patience to give you the crash course in Faith 101. I've had a good life, sometimes it seemed like the world was gonna come crashing down around me, but it didn't, and that's all you really need to know.

"So how have you guys been?" I ask as I slowly stop at the red light. They don't say anything, which is weird. I don't think Addy's ever been this quiet in her entire life. When she was little Buffy and I used to joke about duck taping her mouth shut so we could finally get some peace. I know that sounds a little mean, but if you're a parent of a hyperactive kid then you understand, and everyone else needs to mind their own business. I glance over at Joey since he's in the front passenger seat. His arms are crossed over his chest, and he's slouching down a little. I can tell just by looking at him that he doesn't want to be here, not to mention the wicked strong vibes that are bouncing off of him. "I'm your mother, humor me." He sighs and his right leg starts to shake.

"We're fine," Addy says from the backseat. I glance in the rearview mirror and she's sitting up straight like she usually does, but she's looking out the window. Addy never does that. As soon as she was tall enough to see over the dashboard she'd always look out the front of the car. She likes to see where we're going, and what's in front of her. She likes to know what's going on at all times, and whether or not she should worry or if she can just sit back and relax. I guess she really doesn't want to be here with me. Was I really that big of a monster? "We're fine, mom's fine, everyone's fine. Can we just go to soccer practice now?" She sounds so…distant. It's like she's not really here. I sigh very sadly, and watch as the light turns green.

"Yeah, we can go to your soccer practice." I don't want to say anything, even though I probably should. The only way they're going to be comfortable around me again is if I show them I'm still me. I might be labeled the world's biggest bitch for what I did to Buffy, but it takes two people to reach the point in our marriage that we did. Sure I slipped away, and I got really closed off, and shut everyone out, especially her. But she let me. She saw I was drifting, and she didn't do anything. She stopped caring, and she just let all of this shit happen. I'm not talking about the cheating. That's all on me. I'm talking about our marriage ending. Our marriage was over long before I slept with Willow or Chyla. Especially with Chyla. That didn't happen until I knew the marriage was completely over.

Here's how I knew my marriage with Buffy Anne Summers was completely over. We had been distant even before Danny died. I don't know exactly when we started growing apart, but it happened and neither of us really tried to stop it. After he died things got even worst. I don't know how long it'd been since we did more then just sleep in our bed. One night we decided to have sex. It doesn't sound very romantic or whatever, but that's how it happened. We planned it out pretty nice so Joey, and Addy were out of the house. We had a romantic dinner, and everything was just really relaxed. We hadn't had a night like that in a very long time. We definitely needed it, and I thought things might actually get better.

But when we got upstairs things got tense. I could tell she just wasn't feelin it. I remember I was on top, her legs were wrapped tightly around my back and we went all natural. I had my head on her shoulder like I usually did whenever we were in that position. But then I felt her tense up, and it wasn't the good kinda tense. Her shoulders tensed, and her legs were making a fuckin death grip on my hips, and it was getting hard to move against her. Then I pulled my head back, and looked at her. She had tears in her eyes, and she was biting her lip so fucking hard that it was bleeding. She couldn't even make it through twenty minutes of having me touching her without almost breaking down. And that's when I knew our marriage was over.

So call me a whore, and a bitch for cheating on her. Damn me to hell for all of the evil shit that I've done, I don't care. We weren't in a happy marriage. I didn't fuck anything up. I just made her realize that I had. I remember when she realized it too. She caught me cheating on her with Chyla. I didn't try that hard to hide it. I came home smelling like her, and I had a hickey on my neck. She called me out on it, and we got in a fight. I let her scream at me, and call me all kinds of names. I didn't give a shit at that point. She knew I didn't care when I didn't fight back. Then she got this look in her eyes like a little light bulb went off. Our marriage was over and we both knew it. We stayed together for the kids, and because neither of us can afford a divorce, but now I'm not so sure what's going to happen. But fuck it. What happens, happens right? Not much I can do about it, so why try?

BPOV

Ok, I can do this. I can do this. Don't look at me like that, I can do this. I just need to calm down. We landed at the airport about an hour and a half ago. We spent a long time waiting for a rental car, and then we got checked in at the hotel. Faith and Willow are so glad that they get their own rooms. They've been sharing at my place and they could really use some time apart. After we got checked in at the hotel I called Giles and got directions to Willow's mansion. Yep, I said mansion. Not only is Willow a very powerful with but she's a millionaire. A couple years ago she developed some type of computer software and sold it to the highest bidder. Now she lives in a mansion that was built on her land. The land is located in the Australian rainforest.

Did you now that Australia has a rainforest because I totally didn't. Whenever someone says Australia I always think of the huge desert with the kangaroos, and those little things that look like bears but they're not really bears, and whenever you say they're a bear to someone who knows they're not they get really angry and act like they know everything. I also think of those little beaver things with the duck bills. Why does Australia have all the weird animals? What does North America have, the polar bear? Oooo it's the biggest bear in the world. Who cares? Australia has something called a wombat. I don't know what it is but I'm sure it's either really cute or really weird looking.

Why am I talking about that stuff? I need to be focused on what's happening right now. Luckily Faith was smart enough to pay a local some money to bring us out here to Willow's place otherwise we'd be totally lost. So right now we're driving down some little dirt road with a really thick forest growing on either side of us and I'm trying really hard not to have a panic attack. We're going to see Willow. This reality's Willow. The Willow I was best friends with all through high school, and college, and up until five years ago. This is the same Willow that had sex with my wife. I only talked to her once after that happened and I yelled at her. I called her horrible names and that I could never forgive her. I didn't even let her come to Daniel's funeral.

I know I'm a horrible, horrible person. I don't know if she's going to slam the door in my face as soon as she sees me, or if she'll start crying because she's so happy to see me. What's worst is I don't know how I'm going to react. When I see her for the first time I don't know if I'm going to cry, scream, or punch her in the face. There's also the possibility of me just turning around and walking away. I feel like I'm going to have a hear attack or stroke or something and I don't like this feeling. Maybe I should've had Giles explain to her what's going on and send the others on their way. Or maybe Willow could've come back to Lincoln to do the spell. That would've worked out just fine.

It's not like I'm the slayer or anything. I don't have an obligation to any of this. I let them stay at my place because it was the right thing to do. I was being a good humanitarian. But this is definitely going way beyond that. What was I thinking? Ok, sure it'll be nice to get away from home for a couple of days. The kids have been driving me a little crazy, and Faith can take care of them. She still cares about them and their feelings so they'll be ok. Sure she thinks something is up and she's probably checking the house for drugs right now. She knows that I would never leave the kids with her and Chyla unless I had to. But I didn't have to. I could've stayed home. So why am I here?

"You ok?" I hear Faith ask. I look over and see her sit down next to Willow. There wasn't enough room in the cab for all three of us, and none of us wanted to sit up front with that guy by ourselves so we're all in the back. Luckily the guy has a camper shield on his truck or bugs and stuff would probably be falling into my hair. I try not to listen in on what Faith is saying but it's hard. And I don't know who I was trying to fool. We all know she's the reason I'm right here with them. "Don't worry about Sky, Red. Sure she's probably runnin around like a chicken with it's head cut off, and worried sick about you, but she's fine. Buffy won't let her get too stressed, and we'll be back before you know it. Upside to all this? We'll definitely be getting laid when we get home. And there's almost nothing better then 'I missed you' sex." Willow laughs a little, and I know Faith said that just to cheer her up.

"I don't know Faith. We used to go at it all the time. We could barely keep our hands off each other, even in public." Ok, did they forget that I'm sitting, like, four feet away from them? "But ever since she got pregnant she hasn't wanted to do anything. Sometimes there's snuggles but lately not even that." I was like that when I was pregnant with Joseph. Well, I was until my seventh month. Then I became a walking horn dog. "I know she thinks I'm attractive, but I still feel like I'm doing something wrong, or maybe she doesn't want me like that anymore." Faith sighs a little bit, and her entire demeanor changes. She relaxes a little and there's something about her seems so…wise. I know that sounds retarded but that's what she looks like.

"It's hard to judge how a woman is going to react to a pregnancy. She has a lot going on inside of her right now and it can be pretty overwhelmin'. When I was pregnant with Addy my boobs were so sore that a soft breeze would make me cry." Wait a second, she carried Addison? That's kind of bullshit. Faith wanted to have another baby so bad that she practically begged me to have another one. At first she said she would be the one to get pregnant but then she changed her mind after I warmed up to the idea. Addison used to kick me so hard I wouldn't be able to move for hours. I am glad that I had her though. There's just something special bout a girl, you know? "You just gotta deal with it. Don't make a big deal about it or it'll start a fight, and buy a couple playboys until she's ready." I can't help but laugh a little and they both look over at me. Umm, ok, what do I say?

"Holy shit." That's obviously not what I wanted to say, but that's what came out. I can see Willow's mansion and it's fucking huge. Faith and Willow look out the little window in the camper shield and both of their jaws drop. It's about as big as the mansion in Tomb Raider or whatever that movie is called, only it's surrounded by rainforest. There's a huge iron gate, with a large fence, and I can't see how far it goes. My sight is pretty limited from the back of this truck. What I can see is a big red sign, and there are huge white letters that say 'No Joke Real Attacks Dogs. Private Property Keep Out'. The guy pulls up to the gate and it looks like there's an intercom. I can hear a voice but I don't know what the person is saying. The guy rolls down his window and starts talking but I don't know what he's saying.

"Maybe you should get out and talk to them, Buffy. She'll probably let you in," I hear Willow say. I look over at her with nothing but panic on my face. So I'm not as calm as I thought I was. Now that we're actually at Willow's mansion I feel like I'm going to be sick. The truck starts moving, and all three of us look out the little window. "Or maybe she's expecting us?" Hopefully she's expecting us. I didn't ask Giles to tell her about us coming to visit, but he probably told her we were. Otherwise he would look like a huge ass. He gave us her address, but not her phone number so he'll come off looking like the bad guy, or whatever. At least that's the point I'm going to make if Willow is surprised to see us.

"Jesus Christ this place is fuckin huge," Faith says as the guy, I think his name is Robert, starts driving down the road towards the house. I hear the gate shut behind us, and about five seconds after it's closed I see three huge dogs running towards us. Those must be the attack dogs. I can't help but gulp. I've never really liked dogs. At least I haven't since I was twenty. My neighbor's German Shepherd jumped its fence and thought my leg looked like a nice chew toy. Since that happened I haven't been able to be around a dog, especially a big dog, without getting nervous. And dogs can smell fear so that makes me an instant target. Ok, I need to stop obsessing about little things just because I don't want to face this big thing that's being shoved in my face.

I don't say a word as we pull up in the driveway. Faith opens the rear wind shield and opens up the tailgate so we can get out. I let Willow go first. I know I'm being immature but I really don't want to get out of this truck. If I get out of the truck then I'll really be at Willow's house, and then I'll have to talk to her. I don't think I'll ever be ready to do that. But ready or not, I guess I'm going to be talking to Willow. I don't know what I'm going to say. 'Hi Will, what's been up?' just doesn't seem like enough. I don't even know if I have any rights here. I can try and pretend that my marriage ended when I walked in on Willow and Faith, but that's a lie. It was over long before they slept together. Seeing my wife cheating on me just proved how over it was.

So do I have a right to be pissed off at Willow after all this time? I haven't spoken to her in five years, I didn't let her come to my son's funeral, and here I am on her doorstep begging her to help. I couldn't even tell her not to come to the funeral myself. I had to get Faith to do it. I was so upset with everything that was going on and Faith probably would've done anything just to make things a little easier. I had to yell at her to do it though. She wanted Willow to come. She thought she was in the right. And looking back I know she was. Willow and Daniel had always been close. She was teaching him how to do some basic magic, and he loved spending time with her. Willow practically helped us raise him, and she should've been there to say goodbye. I really could've used her there even though I didn't want to admit it.

"You alright, B?" Faith asks and it pulls me out of my head and back to what's going on. All I do is nod, and slowly climb out of the truck. I don't know where the dogs went but I'm glad they're not chewing on us right now. I don't know what kind of dogs they were but 'fucking huge' would be an accurate description. I brush off my jeans almost as soon as my feet touch the ground. That truck was pretty disgusting. I'm kinda wishing we had driven here ourselves in our supposedly clean rental car. I look up from my now dirty jeans, and my breath is completely taken away. I thought the house was huge from the road, but standing here in the driveway it looks fucking massive. I can't believe Willow moved out here. Maybe her leaving Lincoln was a good thing after all. She never would've moved into a place like this in Lincoln. There probably isn't enough room.

"Let's do this thing," Faith says, and I can't help but raise an eyebrow at her. Could she be any cornier? I swear, sometimes she's the coolest person in the world, and I want to be just like her. But sometimes she'll say something that makes her look like a total nerd. This is definitely one of those times. I don't say anything as we make our way towards the front door. No, no, no, I can't do this! "Oh no, Blondie, you can't back out now." I feel her wrap an arm around my lower back and her hand grips onto my side. She pulls me close so we're pressed together and she practically drags me towards the front doors. Yeah, there are two very large front doors, and they're made out of some type of very dark wood. At least they look like they are. I'm not an expert or anything.

Everything looks green. It's really weird. I don't know if she did this on purpose to try and blend in with the background, but the house itself has a green hue to it. It looks really pretty, and it does kind of make sense. Willow always really loved the color green, and the Wizard of Oz. I know that doesn't make sense to you, but it does to me. When we were young we used to talk about what it would be like to live in the Emerald City. I guess she's living the dream, in a weird Jane Gödel sort of way. Seriously, who just moves out to the jungle? The smell of this place is really weird. It's that earthy smell of wet dirt, and it's everywhere. I guess I can see the appeal of this place. Whenever things get rough I always want to just leave and get away from the suburban life for a while. And the city isn't too far away from here. I'm sure Willow gets out every once in a while.

"You're not going to panic on me, are you?" Faith whispers in my ear. I can feel her warm breath on my neck and it makes me shiver. I really wish she would stop doing that. I guess it's just a habit because she's still happily married to her Buffy, but she's making me feel guilty about wanting her. I'm trying to stay away from her, at least in theory I am, and she's making it really hard. And it wasn't my fault I walked in on her naked. She didn't have the door locked and I couldn't tell if the light was on or not. She had just gotten out of the shower and her body was still dripping water. She looked…different. I mean, she and this reality's Faith look exactly alike when they have clothes on but there are some differences. This Faith has a moon shaped scar on her stomach, and since she carried Addison she does have some stretch marks. She still looks sexy as hell, though, and it's only making things harder for me.

"Maybe, I don't know. This is a lot to take in. I'm here, in Australia, at Willow's house, and we haven't spoken in five years. After all of this ignoring and I'm going to be asking her for a huge favor, so there's a definite weird out factor. Plus, you don't know the whole story. I really, really hurt her feelings. Even though what she did was messed up I didn't have to be that cruel. She's probably not going to talk to me. She'll probably take one look at me, and at you and Willow and slam the door in our faces and sick her dogs on us." I'm starting to panic, there's no doubt about that. I hear Faith chuckle a little bit and she tightens her grip. I guess she just knows that I'm close to running away.

"That's not gonna happen. There's no way in hell she would've let us in here without knowin about the situation. Giles probably called her up and told her we were comin. Or he called her up and asked for her help and they were just waiting for you to come around to the idea." That does sound like something Giles would do. Damn him. "You just gotta relax. If you stress out too much things'll get out of control and something bad might happen. You wanna be friends with Willow again, right?" I can't help but nod my head. It's true, I do want to be friends with her, I just don't know how. "Well, look at this as taking the first step. Besides if she wanted to sick her dogs on us she would've done it by now." I can't believe she just said that.

"Yeah, 'cause that's really comforting, Faith. Tell the woman who's a….dogaphobic that at any second those huge things are going to come running at her and rip her to pieces. You're like this generations Dr. Phil." I know that was a little mean, but I get mean when I'm scared and stressed. I always have, and probably always will. She's finding my pain amusing, though and just can't stop laughing. At lease she isn't laughing loud or anything. It's more like a chuckle. Anyway, we're all quiet when we reach the doors. The walk over here wasn't very long, I just made it seem longer because to me every footstep is like an eternity. I feel like everything around me is moving really, really fast, and I'm still going at a normal pace. And now I definitely sound crazy. Well at least I know that what I'm saying is crazy. I still have a little bit of sanity left.

I watch Faith slowly reach out and ring the doorbell. I can hear it inside, and it sounds like church bells or something. I wonder why Willow chose that sound? It doesn't really matter. Right now the thing I need to concentrate on is how to make my palms stop sweating because it's getting really disgusting. Ever felt like your hands were leaking? Well, that's what I feel like right now. I take in a deep breath and try to calm down. I wonder what she looks like. I mean, it has been five years. I highly doubt she still looks exactly the same. I remember what she looked like the last time I saw her. Her hair was long, and she died it that same pretty red that it was in college. She had stopped wearing the cute, fuzzy looking shirts a long time ago. Most of her clothes consisted of button up blouses, and jeans, or some nice slacks. My heart jumps into my throat when the front door opens.

"Can I help you?" Yeah, you can help me. You can tell me who the fuck you are, and where's Willow? This man is definitely not my used-to-be-best-friend. He's tall, and blonde, and he looks like a supermodel or something. Wait, are they male supermodels, or just models? I'll have to think about that later. Right now I have to concentrate on anything other then this guy's six pack. I see Willow's taste in men has definitely improved. The one thing that's a little disappointing is this guy doesn't have an Australian accent. He would be so hot with an accent.

"We're looking for Willow Rosenberg. We're friends of hers," Faith says and I can tell by the sound of her voice that she's thinking the same thing: yum. Ok, well maybe she's thinking something dirtier, but give me a while and I'll probably be thinking the same things. And before you start, I know that he isn't a woman, but I'm not exactly in the girls club exclusively. Faith is the only person I've been with, as in ever. That doesn't mean I still don't find men attractive. Anyway, the hot blonde nods his head a little bit and opens the door a little wider. He's eyeing Faith up like he's at a meat market or something. And we're probably doing the same to him.

"Right, she said she was expecting somebody." He backs away from the door and we step inside. Holy God this place is huge, and beautiful. I'm definitely going to get the number to her decorator because damn this is nice. Of course I'll probably never be able to afford any of this stuff. Ok, this is so not what I need to be focusing on right now. Right now I need to be thinking about what I'm going to say when I see Willow. "Just follow me, please." I don't think any of us have a problem with that. So we follow this guy through the huge foyer and up the stairs. I guess upstairs holds the library, or knowing Willow libraries. If she's expecting us then Giles already told her what's going on and she's probably been researching it for…however long she's known.

All of the walls are covered with artwork. They don't look very organized, and that's something Willow usually is. But there are all sorts of paintings from large splatters of paint, to portraits, to seascapes, and almost everything in between. Willow's always loved art, and she has a very picky taste. I remember one year I bought her a painting just as a gift, and when I gave it to her it just so happened to be her birthday. Anyway, she never hung it up, and when I asked her why she said it's because she just didn't 'feel it'. Yeah, she's a little crazy, but that's what I loved most about her. And I did love her. Not as a lover, but as a sister. I loved the way everyone loves their best friend. You know you love your best friend, you just won't admit to it because you're too embarrassed or whatever.

The hot guy with the great ass opens a door and leads us inside. I thought I was going to pass out on those steps. I need to get back into shape. Anyway, when I walk into the room the first thing I notice is that this is not a library, it's a bedroom. I'm just going to assume that it's Willow's bedroom but I could be wrong. I know that for a while she wanted kids, and this guy would definitely make beautiful babies. I can practically feel my eggs dropping, begging to be fertilized by this guy. Ok, I'll stop being gross. My breath hitches, and my stomach ties itself in knots when I see Willow. She's out on the balcony, and she looks amazing. Her hair is long, but darker then I remember. I guess she let her natural color grow back. She's wearing a long white sundress, and it's gently blowing in the breeze. Well, that's a total cliché. She facing sideways, so I can't see her face, but I can tell that she's smiling. Wanna guess what she's smiling at?

"Willow, you have guests," the hottie says. Ok, who talks like that anymore? Anyway, she looks over as well as the huge fucking dogs from earlier. They stand up and start walking towards us. Fuck, those things are going to eat me! I grab onto Faith's shoulders and pull her in front of me. I don't care if I'm going to look like a coward. Those things are going to eat me, and if I'm going down then she's going down with me. Wow, that sounded really dirty. "Hey, Dodger, Roscoe stay." The two beasts actually listen to him, but I can tell that they want to chew us apart. At least I think they do. They're wagging their tails, but the dog whisperer says that tail wagging doesn't always mean they're happy to see you. Faith does this little nervous laugh thing and I really don't like that. If she's nervous then how the hell am I supposed to stay calm?

"Don't be afraid. The sign out front is just for show," I hear Willow's voice as she walks into the room. I look up at her and for whatever reason she looks so tall right now. It's like she's a giant and I'm some little villager looking up in awe. "I know you're still afraid because of Frisky, but my boys are just really big teddy bears." Yeah, she got the really big part right. They're really big, and fluffy, and like they're just looking to sink their teeth into me. The bear like dogs are forgotten when I see her look over at…well, herself. "Wow, it's just like looking into a mirror." She takes a step towards the other her, and she looks a little creeped out. "Except my hair is longer, and she looks about ten years younger, but other then that it's just like looking in a mirror." I can't help but smile. Even though she's trying to be calm, and slightly funny I can tell that she's nervous. Probably just as nervous as I am.

"Willow I…" I'm sorry for treating you like shit, and completely cutting you out of my life. I'm sorry I called you all of those horrible names, and I'm sorry I haven't been a very good best friend. I want to say all of that stuff, but nothing comes out. I just stand here holding onto Faith's shoulders and staring into the greenest eyes I've seen. I think living in the jungle has done something weird to her eyes, and made them greener then they used to be. Say something retard! Don't just stand here, tell her you're sorry, tell her you want to be friends again, tell her you want her to move back to Lincoln, tell her anything just say something!

"I know you're sorry, Buffy, you don't have to say anything." Um, ok, that was a little weird. How does she know I'm sorry? "Come on, Buff, don't give me that look. We were friends for twenty-four years I think I know what your face looks like when you're sorry." Oh, well that does explain a lot, I guess. At least she doesn't know what I'm thinking 'cause that would be bad. "Now you two need a portal opened? Giles told me a little of what's going on but he didn't go into detail." Great, Giles didn't go into detail. I really hope this is easy to explain because I really need to get out of here.

"Yes, we really need a portal," the other Willow says. "I don't know exactly which dimension we're from because there are thousands of them, but getting home would be of the good. We may even have to do a spell to send us back in time. There's a strong possibility of time moving different here and I really don't want to get home only to find my baby all grown, and my wife married to someone else." Willow's, this reality's Willow's, eyebrows shoot up and she gets a shocked look on her face. See, I told you the thought of a gay Willow is a weird one. Willow one, this reality's Willow, scratches the back of her neck, and her nose scrunches up a little. She always does that when she's stumped.

"Sending you back to your own reality I can do. I've done it before with a few witches who thought it would be fun to dimension jump and got stuck here. Sending you back in time is going to be trickier. I can locate your own world, and send you back, but there's no way we'll know how much time has passed. I'm sorry but that's just the way it is." That wasn't really the news they were looking for. I really hope everything works out for them. They've been living with me for two weeks now and they've grown on me. It hasn't been all research all the time. People need food, and we'd always have dinner together. These two are really funny when they start insulting each other back and forth. They're just joking around, but some of the things they say are kind of insulting. A minute or two goes by and the only sound in the room is the dogs' heavy breathing.

"Well, let's get this party started." She just has to say stuff like that, doesn't she? But I guess it doesn't matter. It broke the tension and now we're moving to a different room. I really hope this spell doesn't take a long time. Now that I know Willow isn't mad at me I really want to sit down and talk to her. Maybe we can be friends after all. Sure she lives on a different continent and in order to see her I'd have to go on a fifteen hour flight, but I'm sure we can work something out. At least I hope we'll be able to work something out. I really want to work something out. Ok, I'm going to stop babbling now because Willow is starting the spell.

FPOV

This is just completely insane. You have no fuckin clue how things have been these last four days. That's how long the kids have been with me. The first day they were here things were a little rough. Addy tried to give me some attitude but I told her if she's going to act like that then I won't let her play in the big game next week. She's been fine every since. Joey's been a punk but I get it. He's pissed off at the world, and going through puberty and all of that stuff. I've gone a little easy on him but he hasn't gotten away with much. There've been a few tantrums but overall they've been really good. They love Chyla, they haven't given me any lip in two days, and they're even helping out around here. I thought this was going to be hell, but things are actually working out pretty good.

At least they were until about fifteen minutes ago. The kids are fine, they're in bed. It's Chyla that's the problem. She's looking at this like some kinda sign or some shit, and it needs to stop. She thinks that we're going to be in a real relationship now instead of the meaningless sex that we have almost every night. Sure I'm sorta living with her, and we sleep together as in actually sleeping, but this is not a relationship. And if it is then it isn't a healthy one. I'm proof that healthy relationships never last. I was with Buffy for how fucking long, and it ended after a long time. When we were happy we were really fucking happy, but when that went away things turned to hell and we couldn't even stand to be in the same room together. Now why the fuck would I wanna put myself through that with someone else?

The most annoying thing about the last four days is Chyla has gotten into the habit if leaving her lamp on and talking to me while I'm trying to fall asleep. That's exactly what she's doing now. She should get the hint that I don't want to have a conversation by my lack of participation. If someone doesn't talk back to you it doesn't mean talk more. It means shut the fuck up. I have to be up early tomorrow too. I don't have to go to work, I just need to get the fuck away from her for a while. We both have the day off and I'm going to use that time to bond with my kids. I have no idea what we're going to do but anything would be better then staying here and playing Suzy Homemaker with this fuckin twit. I've never killed anybody before, never even thought about it, but I really think I could drive a stake through her heart and not give a shit. Hell, I'd probably be doing the world a favor.

"I just think this is a good thing. The kids and I get along way better then we expected, and maybe we'll have them around more often. I hate that I never get to see them. They're such an important part of your life and I want to share that with you." Fuck that shit. If I wanted to share the important parts of my life with her then it would've happened already. I would've told her all there is to know about me. Hell, she doesn't even know I'm a slayer. Well, a retired slayer. It happened about a year ago. I died and was brought back to life. Now there's a chick in New York who gets to handle the slaying shit. I go out sometimes but I don't have nightly patrols anymore. I'm the only one here who knows this. The only other people are Giles, the other slayer and her watcher. "And I really like that they're still in their yearly teen years. It's like I get to practice dealing with their out of control hormones for when we have a baby." What the fuck did she just say?

"What the fuck did you just say?" I roll over and just stare at her. She looks a little scared. She may not know that I'm a slayer but she knows that I'm a little stronger then I oughtta be. I'd never use my strength against her, but the possibility is still there. She also looks really, really hurt. I can see all the pain in her eyes and I don't give a shit. Call me a bitch, call me heartless, call me whatever you want, I don't give a fuck. I do not love this woman and in no way do I want to have a baby with her. I don't want to do it magically, I don't want to go the sperm donor route, I don't want to adopt, hell I don't even want to foster a kid with her. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this woman, but something definitely isn't right. "Chyla, we're not going to have a baby together."

"I-I know it won't be any time soon, but I thought maybe if I mentioned it now you would warm up to the idea. We haven't been together that long, and I don't expect anything big like that." I can tell she wants to say something else. There's a but, and I know she's going to say it. I'm staring at her with a really intense gaze and she can't handle it for very long. She's done shit like this before where she wants to say something but she's afraid for whatever reason. This gaze usually smokes her out. "After you and Buffy get a divorce I think it's time we start thinking about the future." Wow. Out of all the things that could've come out of her mouth I really didn't think that would be it. But it did, and now I have to deal with it. Sometimes I hate being me.

"Chyla, I'm not trying to be a bitch." I say that line a lot to her and when I say it I always say something really mean afterwards. She's a smart girl so she knows something bad is coming. She's breathing a little deeper, and her shoulders are really tense. "But we don't have a future together. I don't know what's going to happen, maybe I'll get divorced and maybe I won't, but we are not going to be together long enough to have a baby together. We're not even going to be together long enough for me to warm up to the idea. I'm forty-three years old, I have two kids already. I don't want anymore." She gets this look on her face like her entire world has just been destroyed. She's not looking at me anymore. She's looking down at some spot on the comforter, and she's not breathing.

"And to think you weren't even trying." That's her way of calling me a bitch, if you didn't catch that. She looks like she's going to cry. Her eyes are watering up with tears, and her breathing is really…quivery, if that makes sense. I don't know if it does, but whatever. I can't stand to see girls cry. I hate it, and I hate that I make her cry. It's not like I get off on hurting her feelings, but this is just the way it is. I can't let her think that we're going to be together forever, or that I'm in love with her because I'm not. Letting her live a lie would be even crueler then me being so blunt. I'm sure you're probably thinkin otherwise, but this isn't about you, now is it?

"Come on, babe, don't get like this." I know, I know I'm a horrible person for doing this to her, but this is just the way it is. You have no idea how many times I've gotten off the hook for pouting and using my baby voice. I swear, all I have to do is act cute and she'll forgive me. I reach out and try to put my hand on her thigh, but she tenses up and pulls away. I'm not gonna touch her if she doesn't want to be touched. I'm a bitch, not a creep. "Chyla, I didn't mean to be that harsh, but that's just the way it is. I've already had that life and it didn't work. I don't want to try again when I know it's just going to fail."

"What about what I want? Does that factor into anything?" Oh yeah, she's going to cry, no doubt about that. I try to touch her again, but again she doesn't let me. I go to say something, but she stops me from doing that too. "You've made it so fucking obvious that you're just using me. You don't feel anything for me at all, and I'm sorry for trying so damn hard. You and your kids can stay here until Buffy gets back from her trip, but then I want you out and I don't want you to come back." Holy shit, she's breaking up with me. "Just get out." She reaches over and grabs onto my pillow. She rips it from its spot and throws it towards the door. Then she shuts out the light and lies down. She's going to wait until I leave the room before she starts crying. At least she has some dignity left, I have to give that to her.

I get up and grab my pillow off the ground. Ok, so I guess I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. I hope Buffy gets back soon because the couch is really fuckin comfortable to sit on but not so much for sleeping on. I know, I've had to sleep on it before. Not because of a fight or anything. Chyla and I had sex on the couch and she fell asleep on top of me. She does that all the time so I'm used to it, but the couch wasn't that comfortable. It felt really weird against my skin. Anyway, the point is I hope Buffy gets back from her trip soon because I really don't want to sleep on the couch for more then a night or two. When I walk out to the living room I see Addy sitting on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table. What the fuck is she doing up? I sent them to bed like two hours ago. When I get closer I see the half empty beer bottle in her hand. Well, that explains a lot, and almost nothing at all.

"Aww, for me?" I say as I sit down next to her. I take the bottle from her hand and take a very long drink. Man, I needed that. I toss the pillow to the very end of the couch and chug the cool liquid until it's all gone. I glace over at Addy and she looks very amused. What the fuck is so funny? I really don't remember anything funny happening. "What?" I put the empty bottle on the coffee table and I really hope it leaves a ring. Chyla's always freaking out about putting drinks on the coasters so they won't leave a ring on her precious coffee table. So I hope I leave one before I get booted out of here. Anyway, Addy picks up the pillow and puts it on her lap.

"Woman troubles?" she says with this little giggle in her voice. I roll my eyes and shake my head a little bit. But then her expression gets really serious and I'm starting to get a little nervous. Every parent hates seeing their kids look like this. What if she's about to confess something important to me? What if she's pregnant, or has a STD and she wants to tell me about it? Ok, Faith, calm the fuck down. She's only fifteen. I highly doubt she's ever had sex. She's probably never thought about it before. Yeah right, what kind of fantasy world are you living in? Ok I gotta stop talking to myself in third person. "I heard a little bit of it. She sounded…really sad." She did, didn't she? And right now she's probably in there crying her eyes out. She has her stereo turned on so even my slayer hearing can't pick up what else is going on inside that room.

"Yeah. She kinda dumped me," I say and Addy looks really surprised. I put up a façade for them because I didn't want them to see me treat Chyla like shit. It's probably what fueled tonight's talk about having a baby together so I have no one to blame but myself. Even though I know that, I'm going to go ahead and blame Panda bears for this one. Fucking bastards, I'm glad they're almost extinct. "She said we can stay here until your mom gets back but then she wants us out." Now she has a curious look on her face, but her eyes are nothing but guilty. Ok, what the fuck is up with that? I don't like the fact that my kid looks guilty, but I'm sure you picked up on that.

"Is it because of us? Does she not want to date someone with kids or something?" Oh God, she thinks it's her fault Chyla broke up with me. That has got to be the second saddest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Well, third saddest things in my entire life. On second thought I'll just put this one in the top ten and call it a night. Anyway, I wrap my arm around Addy's shoulders and pull her a little closer to me. There is nothing better then cuddling with your kids. Try it sometime. I'm sure you'll agree with me.

"No, baby girl, that's not why. She loves you guys. You definitely made a good impression." It's hard not to love these kids. "She just wants more then I'm willing to give. This break up was inevitable. Don't worry about it, ok?" She nods her head, and then rests it on my shoulder. I give the top of her head a kiss and close my eyes. I could definitely fall asleep like this if she lets me. There's no question about that. When Addison was younger she always wanted to cuddle. She stopped sneaking into my bedroom to sleep in my bed with me when she was eleven but even after that she'd want to snuggle up while we watched TV or whatever. And then puberty hit.

"Are you going to get your own house?" her voice is very low and it sounds like she's getting tired. "If Chyla's dumping you then you need to get your own place, right?" I hadn't really thought about that. I guess I will have to get my own place. All of my stuff is still at my house. Well, Buffy's house I guess. We're going to have to go through all of it and divide it up when she gets back. That is going to fucking suck. Maybe I should just take what I know is mine and leave the rest for her? I don't even know if she wants to get a divorce or not. Well, actually I do. You don't laugh in a person's face when they say they want to get back together if you don't want a divorce. I'm surprised I didn't file the papers the next day. Ok, let's stay on the subject.

"Yeah, I guess I'm gonna have to." I never really thought about it until now. But oh well. I guess it'll be better this way. I won't have to be stressed out all day acting like I actually like the person I'm living with. I can finally have some space to just breathe for a while, you know? And it's not like I can't afford my own place or anything. I mean, unless Buffy wants to get a divorce, then I'll be completely fucked over. What with all of the lawyer fees, and dividing everything up. I'm obviously going to be the one paying child support because I make more then she does, and the kids have made it very obvious that they want to live with her instead of me. I'm not going to fight against that, as long as I get visitation they can live with her. She's been through so much shit I wouldn't try to take them away from her. At this point they're the only things keeping her from offing herself.

"Ok, just make sure it isn't cheesy or anything. When Becca's parents got divorced her dad moved into a condo with ugly orange shag carpeting in the living room, and an avocado green refrigerator." She's right that does sound really cheesy. I can't help but laugh and she starts to laugh too. We calm down after a little while, but it's pretty hard. Addy's laugh has always been infectious. Once she starts laughing it's pretty hard for me to stop. I get my breathing under control, and sigh a little. It's so nice just sitting here with her like this. I thought she was going to hate me forever, but I guess she's starting to get over a lot of the stuff that happened.

"Don't worry, I may be old but I'm still cool." She snorts a little at that, and a give her a little shove. "Come on, Addy, you know it's true. You always thought I was cool before." That was when she was five though, so I don't know exactly what she thinks of me now. I remember when she was a baby she always wanted to be around me, but I couldn't be around that much because of my job. After a while she kinda latched onto Danny, and he became the cool new thing. I hope she doesn't bring that up because thinking about him is so not what I need right now. It took me a long time to go one day without thinking about him, and it was possibly one of the saddest days in history. Alright, it's time to change the subject before she gets sad. "Maybe if my new place has a backyard you can get a dog." She's always wanted a dog, a big American Bulldog, but Buffy's afraid of dogs so that was never an option.

"Really?" Wow she sounds really excited. "You're not just saying that so I'll want to spend more time at your house are you? 'Cause you know I've always wanted a dog." She really thinks I would lie to her like that? I've given this kid almost everything she wants. All she had to do was ask and pout a little and my credit card was hers for a few hours. Maybe they should come live with me for a while just so they can see that I'm not a bad person like they think. I wonder how much shit Buffy's been talking about me? I really wanna think that she wouldn't do something like that but maybe I'm wrong. She might've said something she didn't mean, but it stuck anyway, or maybe she got a little tipsy and her real feelings came out. She's a lightweight so even two or three drinks will have her spilling her guts.

"You know I wouldn't lie to you. If I get a house that has a big enough yard then we can get a dog. It wouldn't just be yours though. Joey's always wanted a dog too, ya know. And it would have to stay at my house. You know your mom will never let it at her place." She sighs a little bit and rests her head on my shoulder again. I give her a kiss on the top of her head, and take a little whiff of her hair. I know it probably seems weird to you, but it's not. She still has that pink baby smell. I can't really describe what it smells like, but it's amazing. I'm not just getting that smell though. It's the smell of her conditioner, and then that unique Addy smell. "Let's get some sleep ok? I wanna be up early tomorrow." She nods her head a little, and before she gets up she gives me a little kiss on the cheek. She hasn't given me a goodnight kiss in a long time.

"Goodnight," she says as she leaves the room. I say it back but I'm not sure if she heard me or not. I grab my pillow and rest it against the arm of the couch. It's kinda hot in here so I don't need a blanket. I'll just end up kicking it off of me anyway. I've never really liked sleeping covered up. I don't know why, I just hate feeling confined to one place like that. It used to drive Buffy absolutely crazy. We'd wake up and she's be freezing and the blankets would be at the foot of the bed all tangled up and a complete mess. When we first lived together it wasn't so bad. I even used it as a way to get some by saying 'don't worry B, I'll warm you up', but after a while that faded and she started to nag. The nagging drove me pretty crazy and some nights I'd freak out and just start yelling at her to shut the fuck up for once. The worst part about that now is I kinda miss it. How pathetic is that?

"Are you sure you two broke up?" Addy asks from the backseat. We were up early like I wanted and I thought that Chyla would sleep in after what happened, but no. She was up before me and as soon as the kids made their way into the kitchen for some breakfast she was nice. She put on a fake smile, and acted like everything was fine. I really think she should've moved to Hollywood 'cause that girl can act. That's kind of a scary thought now that I'm thinking about it. What if she was faking all of those scream worthy orgasms? Nah, no one can fake that kinda pleasure. I'm spectacular in bed, no doubt about that.

"I'm sure. She was just acting like that 'cause she didn't want to upset you guys," I tell her and make a left turn. I have no idea what we're going to do today but at least we won't be in that house. Chyla needs some space because it's pretty obvious that she's in love with me. I feel kinda bad. I mean, it started out as meaningless sex and she developed feelings for me, and she thought that maybe I'd develop feelings for her. But whatever. I told her in the beginning it would never be like that, and she was dumb enough to not break it off when she started getting too involved. If she thought I was going to change then that's her problem, not mine. "So what do you guys feel like doing today? We can go to Vegas and I can teach you how to gamble." Addy giggles a little bit but Joey is being dead quiet. I reach over and give him a little playful smack on the arm. "Come on, we'll do whatever you want."

"Really, you'll do whatever I want?" he asks and his voice cracks a little bit. Awe, puberty, it's a hysterical thing when you're not the one going through it. Anyway, I tell him 'yep' and make sure to put an extra pop on the p. I have no idea where we're headed. I've just been driving around in circles for the last fifteen minutes or so. When I first woke up I thought maybe we could make this day about Addy, but then I realized that that's all I've been doing for the last six years or so. I rearrange everything so I can take her to practice, or be a game, or whatever school function she has going on, but I've never really done that for Joey. Addy's always come first, and it's time he had some of the limelight.

"As long as it's legal I don't care. I was just kidding about the gambling thing." I wasn't really. Knowing how to gamble is an important part of living near Las Vegas. He doesn't say anything right away. Ok, I guess he needs to think about it for a little bit. I really wish he would hurry up and pick something. Gas isn't cheap and I've been wasting it for a while. I don't mind that he needs to think about it. I guess Buffy doesn't do a lot of 'family days' or whatever. We were never really into that kinda stuff. We spent time together as a family. We always ate dinner together, and we'd always have barbeques with the neighbors, and stuff like that. But we'd never really go out and do stuff together.

"Let's go to Water World." Fuck yeah we can go to Water World. Water World is possibly the best water park ever. It's up in Vegas and takes about forty-five minutes to get there. I hear Addy agree very loudly from the backseat and now I can't say no. Seeing them actually getting along is another thing that's really great. When I was living at the house they were always fighting or ignoring each other. But the last couple of days they haven't gotten into any arguments, and they've been joking around more together. Hearing them laughing about something one of them said is a good feeling. I don't know why it's such a good feeling but it is. It's like I'm finally doing something right, you know?

"Alright, we just gotta go to the house and get our suits." I really don't think Buffy will mind if we make a quick stop. I'll even stay out in the car if it'll make her happy. Then again she isn't in town so it's not like she'll know or anything. Unless one of the kids rats me out. Ok, I can't think of it like that. They need to be honest with their mom and I'm not about to ask them to lie for me. Besides, my bathing suit is still in the bedroom so it's not like she can get mad at me for going inside when I'm just trying to spend some quality time with our kids. Anyway, I turn around and we make our way to the house. It takes us about fifteen minutes to get there because Chyla's house is all the way across town, and I was driving around in the opposite direction of Buffy's house. It's really weird calling it Buffy's house. That was my house too, you know? I have a lot of good memories there.

"What the hell?" I pull up in the driveway next to Buffy's car. She said she was going to call me when she got back from her business trip. She must've just gotten in. At least I'm assuming so because of all the luggage she's pulling out of the trunk of her car. "Looks like she got home a little early." She said she was going to be gone for at least a week, and it's only been four days. As soon as I stop the car the kids jump out of it and run over to her. They're so happy to see her and now I'm a little sad. We were having a good time together, and now they're not going to want to spend any time with me. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Anyway, I shut off the car and get out. As soon as Buffy sees me she tenses up a little bit. Damn, she looks tired. She never told me where she was going, and she looks really jet lagged.

"Hey." I stand a couple feet away from her and the kids run off. They'll probably be watching from the window. They have a habit of doing that whenever two people are outside talking. It gets pretty annoying. I don't think she's ever looked so tired before. Well, ok she has. The week that Danny died, and the day of his funeral she looked like she hadn't slept in months. Anyway, now she has big bags under her eyes, her shoulders are slouched, and she looks like she's about to pass out. She looks like she could really use a hug. It's just a natural reaction for me to wanna take her in my arms and let her lean on me, but it's not like I can act on the urge no matter how strong it is. She doesn't want to get back together, remember? "How was your trip?"

"It was nice. I saw Willow." She what? She saw Willow. She hasn't seen Willow in like, five years or however long it's been. "She lives in Australia now. I didn't go on a business trip like I said. There was some stuff going on, two people were sucked through a portal and only Willow could send them home." What the fuck? That is something she should've come to me about. "I know I should've come to you because you're the slayer, but it was a sensitive issue and I didn't want to bother you with it." Whatever, I don't want to talk about this anymore. She obviously kept me out of it for a reason. I wanna know more about her talking to Willow.

"What was it like seeing Willow again?" The last time she saw Willow there was a huge fight. Well, not so much a fight. Buffy went over to her house and screamed at her for about half an hour before she stormed off. She said some pretty fucked up things. I know because Willow called me about an hour after it happened. She was crying and told me every hateful word that Buffy said. I didn't believe it at first because I've known Buffy since she was seventeen, and I've never heard her say anything like that. Even when she was in labor with our kids she didn't say half of the stuff she said to Willow.

"It was a little weird. I thought I was going to get pissed off because of what happened, but I wasn't. After she cast the spell and sent the other two home we talked for a while, and then we cried for a couple hours, and talked some more. She helped me realize a lot of things, and we're going to stay in contact. Probably just e-mails for now, but I'm sure she'll come to visit one of these days." She looks like she wants to say something but for whatever reason she's not. Alright, so what did Willow help her realize? "I don't like everything that's happened. I don't like the people we've become, and I think if we try hard enough we can work it out." Is she saying what I think she's saying? "Will you come back home?" Fuck yes I will.

I can't say anything. I'm too stunned. Buffy hates me. She's been telling me for years that she hates me. Now all of a sudden, even after I asked her to get back together she laughed in my face and started yelling at me because of all the shit I put her through. So now after all of that, now she wants to get back together? There's only one thing I can do at this point. I wrap my right hand around the back of her neck and pull her towards me. I crush my lips against hers and kiss her like I've never kissed her before. She responds to the kiss right away, and she wraps her arms around my back. It's like we've been lost for so long and we've finally found each other. Now the more important question is: can we make it work a second time around?


	75. Lassie Come Home

**Lehane-Summers Household. Present Time**. BPOV

Some days it really sucks being a parent. I know I've said this before. But today it's really bad. I haven't been very attentive since Faith and Willow disappeared. Matthew has been taking care of the little ones while I've been researching. I know that isn't fair, but it's what needed to be done. That's coming back to bite me in the ass. I never really expected Matthew's teenage rebellion to start until he was fifteen or sixteen, maybe even fourteen. But I didn't expect this to happen now. I expected too much from him and he had a freak out. I wouldn't be so pissed off if he had just yelled and stomped off to his room, but no, that would've been too easy. He had to kick the back door on the way out. The problem with that is he's so strong that the door was not only kicked off the hinges but it broke in half.

But all of that happened well over an hour ago. He's in his room now and he's not supposed to come out until I say he can. I know he doesn't want to take care of his little brother and sister, I get that, and I get that he's really worried about Faith and he's probably thinking she's never coming back, but so am I. He needs to understand that just because he's worried it doesn't mean he can just freak out like that. As much as I want us to be a normal family, we're not, and nothing that we do is going to make us that way. If we were normal Faith and I would never have met. I never would've gotten expelled from Hemery and I'd probably still be a total bitch. I know I wouldn't be as happy as I am. Well, as happy as I was. Faith makes me so happy and having her gone, and not knowing for sure if she's every coming back is killing me inside.

She's been gone for fifteen days now. That's two whole weeks plus one day. I don't know how I haven't gone insane yet. The last time I spent this much time away from Faith…I don't even remember the last time I spent this much time away from Faith. This is total bullshit. All because she was having some stupid dreams. Willow tried to do a spell, a simple spell that she probably could've done in her sleep if she wanted to, and it fucks up. She told me things were going to be ok again. She said Faith would be ok, that she would get everything figured out, and our lives could go back to the way they were. We were planning on going to Hawaii when her and her dad finished building that motorcycle for that rich client. We were going to take the kids to a Red Sox game in Boston, and Faith was going to give us a tour of the city. We still have so much stuff we have to do together.

"You find anything over there?" Kennedy asks Cordelia and I can't help but roll my eyes. I don't know how those two are still together. They've been here since the beginning of all this shit, but I didn't ask them to help out until six days ago. I don't know why I didn't ask before. I guess I thought they'd be home by now. Anyway, like I said, I don't know how they're still together. All they do is bicker like little kids. Every fifteen minutes or so Kennedy will ask Cordelia something, the main question has been 'you find anything over there?' and it's getting really annoying. To an extent I get it. Kennedy's hot and Cordelia's hot. It's how all great divorces start.

"For the hundredth time: no. If you keep distracting me I'm never going to find anything." Cordelia can be a bit…testy when she's busy. Then again Cordelia can be a bit testy anyway. For the first five minutes their bickering was kind of entertaining, but now it's just annoying. I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of tonight if they don't buckle down and help me. Kennedy has been a slayer for years now, and she's still as bad as she was back in Sunnydale before the big battle with the First's army. I honestly don't know how Willow put up with her for all those years. But whatever. I shouldn't be thinking about this right now. I need to focus on this very boring book and try to come up with a way to get my wife and best friend back. That's all that matters right now.

"Mommy," I hear Addison yell as she runs into the room. I really hope she isn't about the throw a big fit because I've had enough of those lately. And not just from my kids. Georgia and Sky have been chilly towards each other at best and even a little look from the younger slayer will have Sky yelling at her. Anyway, I put my book down and look at Addison as she stands a few feet in front of me. "Mom." She has this tone in her voice that I'm not liking. It's the 'don't freak out but something bad happened.' Her eyebrows are kind of scrunched up and she's rubbing her hands together. "You know Joe, right?" She's gotten into the very bad habit of calling Joseph 'Joe'. I nod my head and she licks her lips. That's another warning sign. "Well, you know how his face is soft, and doesn't have any marks on it?" Again I nod and she keeps talking. "Well it doesn't look like that anymore."

"What are you talking about?" I ask and stand up. I have to stay calm because if she thinks she's going to get in a lot of trouble then she'll clam up and won't tell me anything. I start walking towards the kitchen since that's where she came from but I can't just assume they were outside or anything. Assuming will not help the situation at all. It'll just make me freak out even more and then I'll never find out what happened. I look down at her and she's still rubbing her hands together. Now that she's a little older her nervous habits are starting to show more. Whenever she gets really uneasy talking to someone she rubs her hands together. And if she really doesn't want to talk anymore she'll lick her lips. She's a little weird, gets it from Faith.

"Ok, don't get mad." She only says that when she knows I'm going to get really, really mad. What the hell happened to my baby boy? "We were playing baseball and I was showin Joe how to slide. I told him to slide on his butt so he wouldn't get hurt, but when he was runnin he tripped and hit his face on the ground." Great, this is just fucking great. I rush out to the backyard and see Joseph sitting in the middle of the backyard, and he's crying. He isn't crying hard or anything so it probably scared him more then anything. I rush over to him and as soon as he sees me the crying increases. Kids will always play the drama card to try and get sympathy from their parents. They're funny that way.

"Mommy," he says and tries to gulp in some air. I see some little scrapes on his chin and left cheek and lots of dirt but it's nothing to cry over. At least not this much. And here I thought he was going to have broken bones or something. "Mommy I was runnin…" He hiccups a little bit and holds his arms towards me so I can pick him up. "An' I falled down…" I pick him up and rest him on my hip. I need to wash his face to see how deep the scrapes are but they don't look too bad as far as I tell. "An' I hurt my face." He isn't crying as hard now so the cuts can't be too bad. I rub his back a little bit and walk towards the house. Addison is right behind me, and she knows she's going to get in a little bit of trouble. I told her they couldn't play outside. They can't play outside unless someone is out there to watch them. She knows that and she knows better then to do it anyway.

"Well let's go put some medicine on it ok?" I ask and he nods his head a little bit. If I try to put the antiseptic on him without asking he freaks out. As soon as we step back in the house Addison runs off. She thinks if she's out of my sight then I'll forget that she's needs to have a stern talking to, or however you want to put it. Sometimes I do get distracted and I'll forget but that's not going to happen this time. With the door being broken things could get dangerous. Vampires don't normally come here because why would they? It's the rattlesnakes, coyotes, and black widows that I'm worried about. Because we have a pool rattlesnakes love to come into our house. We have a wooden fence all the way around the backyard but they still manage to get in sometimes. Coyotes will dig holes to get in, especially since Ruby is old enough to go into heat.

"Ok, little boy, lets get that face handsome again, what do you say?" All he does is nod his head and rest it against my shoulder. Well, I'm going to have to change this shirt. Good thing this shirt isn't white or I'd be a little upset. Anyway, I take him into the bathroom and wash off his face. I was right about the scrapes not being that deep. I put on the antiseptic just in case. It is kind of painful so he winces and tries to pull away but I hold him still. I'm just glad they weren't very deep or that would've hurt like hell. "Alright, I'm all done. That wasn't so bad, was it?" He shakes his head no and yawns very wide. I can see the little hangy thing at the back of his throat. He didn't get a nap today so he's a little tired now. That's perfectly fine with me. When he's tired he's a little cranky, but at least he won't be running around and causing trouble.

"Yo Blondie!" I hate it when Kennedy says that. It's so damn annoying. I'm going to start charging her a dollar for every time she says that to me. Then we'll see how long she keeps it up. Probably not very long. Or maybe a long time considering she's a millionaire thanks to her inheritance. "You better get in here!" That sounds like it could be of the bad. I put Joseph in his bedroom and run downstairs. I really hope a demon didn't decide it would be a good idea to try and take out some of the top slayers. Because we are going to kick his ass if that's what is going on. When I run into the living room I see a large blue ball of light just floating in the middle of the room. It looks really familiar, in an odd sort of way. Oh God, it's a portal.

"It's a portal," I say barely above a whisper. Everyone is on their feet and completely tensed up like they're waiting for hell to come out of it or something. "It's a portal!" Sky looks over at me and she looks as excited as I sounded a few seconds ago. They could be coming home. I knew they'd find a way to get home. Demon dimension or not Willow is still the strongest witch in the world. Ok, I need to calm down. I don't know what's going to come out of that portal, and I shouldn't be getting my hopes up. There's a chance it is a demon coming out of there to cause hell, or maybe it's another witch who decided it would be fun to hop dimensions. The light keeps getting brighter, and brighter and I have to look away. I want to see what's going on! There's a loud crack, almost like lightening and all of a sudden the room goes back to normal.

FPOV

"You're sure this is gonna work?" I ask in a very uncertain voice. I'm holding onto Red's hand and the other Red is sitting down in front of a circle of colored dust. Apparently that's where the portal is going to appear. I should probably stop asking that question though. The last time I asked it I got sucked into a different dimension where everything is completely fucked up. I miss my wife, I miss my kids, I miss my dogs, and I miss my house. But most of all I miss my bed. My nice soft, comfortable bed. I spent five hours picking out the right mattress. I annoyed so many of the Mattress Outlet employees because I went from bed to bed lying down on everyone and in all sorts of positions. Nothing weird, just the normal ones that I normally sleep in. They still got irritated though. They didn't seem so mad when I ended up picking one of the most expensive mattresses in the store though.

"Yes I'm sure this is going to work. Now do you remember what I told you?" she asks, and stands up. She sounds dead serious. She has every right to be. If I screw something up Red could die. And that would be ten shades of suck, especially when both Buffy and Sky come after me to return the favor. I nod my head and she lets out a big sigh. "Ok, I want to go over everything again before I open the portal." Good, because she only went over them five times and I'm starting to forget. No, I'm not being sarcastic. "As soon as you two penetrate the barrier that separates all of the dimensions you're going to stop breathing." She's talking to Red now. "Because your magic has been stripped here your body isn't used to it anymore. Your system is going to be shocked with a magical overload, and that's not even half of your power yet." Yeah, this shit is really scary. I never thought hopping from one world to another would be so complicated.

"Faith, as soon as you two hit the ground you have to start CPR because if her brain doesn't get oxygen fast enough she'll never wake up." Ok, got it. I know how to do CPR. I took a class and got my certificate thing when Buffy was pregnant with Mattie. I wanted to know it just in case. I never really thought I'd have to use it though. "When she starts breathing you have to make sure to give her the potion." In my back pocket is a little bottle of blue liquid. I don't know exactly what's in it but it's really important. The glass has been blessed so it can't break, which is a good thing. "If she doesn't get the potion then all of her magic will rush into her body at once and she'll die of shock." Right, I have to make her drink the potion no matter what. Got it.

"You'll both need a lot of rest. I have no idea how you managed to last so long without that much sleep." Red has been really tired and been sleeping a lot, but I feel fine. "Alright, I think we should get started now that we've been over it enough." Ok, that would be good. I can't wait to get home. The first thing I'm going to do after I revive Red, is pull Buffy in my arms and kiss her. I'm going to kiss her like I've never kissed her before. I'm going to kiss her like she's the cure for cancer and I've been diagnosed with three months to live. Then I'm going to sit down on the couch and wrap all my babies up in my arms and just hold 'em, and kiss 'em, and tell them how much I missed 'em. Then I'm going to take Buffy to our bedroom and fuck her like she's never been fucked before.

"Ok," Red says, and squeezes my hand a little tighter. She's really freaked out right now. I would be too if I knew in a few minutes I was going to practically die. Willow has so much to look forward to when she gets back. She has a fiancé and a baby on the way. She has this whole new life of parenthood, and marriage ahead of her and I certainly don't want her to miss out on it. If anyone deserves to be a mom it's Red. She's waited so damn long for this, and it wouldn't be fair for it to be taken away. "We're ready to go. I don't think I could be anymore ready then I am right now. Nope, definitely not. In fact if you gave us even more time to be prepared I'd say 'why do those when we're dying to go right now?' So yeah, lets get this over with." She sounds so fuckin scared. I squeeze her hand back to try and bring some kind of comfort, but I don't think anything will work at this point.

We watch as the other Red sits down in front of the circle again, and she starts to chant. I have no idea what she's saying but I do know it's Latin. I've been around Willow and witchcraft enough to know Latin when I hear it. The air in the room gets hotter, and there's a light crackling sound, almost like someone's frying an egg. I'm trying to stay really calm but I'm wicked tense. I mean, this shit is fuckin scary. We're going to walk through a portal that's supposed to take us home, but she fucks up all the time. Look at what happened with Willow. She tried to figure out why I was having those fucked up dreams, and we got sucked here through a portal in my mind. And that's something else I'm having hard time dealing with. Someone put a portal in my mind. We weren't able to figure out who it was. Neither Willow could identify the magical signature, but this world's Red said that it's gone. Willow's magic sealed it shut when we were sucked through.

"Get ready to jump in!" Red yells and before I can respond there's a loud crack, like lightening. A bright ball of light forms in the middle of the circle, and it grows, and grows until it's about as big as a doorway. It's blue, and white, and swirly, and every once in a while a loud crack sound will come from it. They want me to jump in that? What are they out of their fucking minds? I can't jump in that, I'm too fuckin chicken. Ok, just calm down. I can do this. That is the doorway that's going to take me back to Buffy and my kids. I have to go in there, I don't have a choice. I don't belong here and I never will. I have to go home. "Go, go, go!" I don't think I've ever heard someone scream that loud before, and I was there when Buffy gave birth. Without thinking I lunge forward and Red's right behind me. I'm holding onto her hand with a death grip and I think I might've broken a bone or two.

Great, I was really hoping it wouldn't be like this, but nothing is ever easy, right? We're falling, and spinning around and around so fuckin fast that I can't tell which way is up or down. I think I'm going to be sick. But at least I'm still holding onto Red's hand. That's important. As long as I'm holding onto her hand I'm not alone. And as long as I'm not alone I won't freak out and panic and probably end up dying. That would be very, very bad. I can't die, because then Red would die. When we land and someone see's she's not breathing they'll do CPR to try and revive her but they don't know about the potion. Even if she does start breathing and wake up the rest of her powers will rush into her system all at once and she'll die from and overload. At least that's what the other Red said, and I really don't want any of that to happen. She knows her shit, that's for sure. So I'm not gonna go against it.

Jesus Christ how long have we been falling - OW! Son of a bitch! Why do I always have to land on the fucking ground so God damn hard? When we landed in the other world I practically bounced off the ground. If I remember right, I did bounce of the ground. Fuck that hurt. But it doesn't feel so bad. It should've been a lot worst. Why wasn't it worst? Holy fucking shit, I got my slayer powers back! Yes, yes, yes, fuck yes! I almost forgot all about that. I can still feel Red's hand in mine, and I very slowly open my eyes. I see a ceiling, and a ceiling fan. My living room ceiling and ceiling fan. Oh my God it worked! Fuck, that means I gotta do the CPR. I sit up and ignore everyone that's staring at me. Red is already lying on her back, and she's not breathing. Ok, I remember this. I tilt her head back, and try to lean down to put my mouth over hers but someone's grabbing onto me.

"Get off, I gotta do CPR. She's gonna die." But the very annoying person doesn't go away. I look up and it's Buffy. She has her arms wrapped around me and her face is pressed up against my shoulder. She's crying so fucking hard, and I'm surprised I didn't hear it before. I was too caught up I guess. "B, I need to help her. She needs to start breathin, and I gotta give her a potion." I guess she's too overwhelmed to see me because she's not listening. I try to push her off me but she has a fuckin death grip, and the other Red was right, I am damn fucking tired. I'm just not strong enough to get her off myself. "Kennedy, get her off me." I don't wait for her to listen to me. I just go back to doing what I was doing. I feel Buffy try to cling onto me while Kennedy and three other slayers try to rip her off. When was the last time she clipped her fucking nails? 'Cause they fucking hurt like hell.

Anyway, I pinch Red's nose shut, and breathe slowly into her mouth. Don't wanna fill her lungs up too fast or anything. I press my ear against her chest and…yep, her heart is still beating, that's a good sign. I do the breathing thing a couple more times and wait. Come on, Red, I know you can do it. Just breathe. As I lean down again Red opens her big green eyes and I'm so fucking relieved. Sky would've killed me if anything happened to her. Now I like Sky, she's a cool chick, and a kick ass slayer, but when she comes to Red she's just as bad as me when it comes to being over protective of the person I love. It's almost like we're cavemen or something. 'Buffy mine, no one touch'. Or in this case it would be 'Willow mine, she die, you die'. So enough of the mushy crap.

Red starts coughing, and trying to breathe really deep. Once it starts to even out I reach into my back pocket and pull out the little cork on the bottle. I put it up to her mouth and tilt the bottle up. All of the bright blue liquid goes into her mouth. Some of it spills out the corners of her mouth but she gets most of it down. As soon as it's swallowed she opens her mouth and starts coughing again. I look over when I hear someone walking towards me. Sky is coming at us at a brisk pace and I know exactly what she needs at this point. I help Red sit up and Sky falls down to her knees. She wraps her arms around Willow and she kisses her. She kisses her like Red is the cure for cancer and she's been diagnosed with three months to live. Where the fuck is Buffy?

I jump up and look around. Buffy is literally being held back by Kennedy, and the other three slayers that pulled her off of me. I run at them and they let her go. I guess they thought they were going to get their asses kicked or something. Buffy wraps her arms around me the same time I wrap mine around her. She's still crying her eyes out, and I have tears welling up in mine. It feels so fucking good to hold her. I thought I was never gonna see her ever again, yet here I am, holding her in my arms. I put my nose on her temple and breathe in a big whiff of her scent. She smells a little different then normal. When was the last time she took a shower? Fuck, it doesn't matter. I'm home, and she's here, and we're all ok. That's all that matters. Just call me Pal, 'cause nothing could've stopped me from getting here.

BPOV

Faith is home now. Then again you already knew that. But still you don't understand. FAITH is HOME now. She's here in our bed. She's fast asleep with the kids cuddle up to her. Even Matthew is sleeping with us tonight. I figured he would sleep on the floor, but nope. He's pressed up against Faith's back. Addison and snuggled up to her front, and Joey is using her thigh as a pillow. I'm lying on my side of the bed and watching them sleep. This is the first night that the kids have slept peacefully, and I'm guessing it's the first night that Faith is getting any rest. After my eyes adjusted to the light and I saw Faith and Willow just lying there not moving I completely lost it. I start bawling my eyes out. But then Faith opened her eyes and sat up. All I wanted to do was hold her, and kiss her, but she had to make sure Willow was ok.

But now she is ok, and Willow is ok. They're both really tired, and Willow passed out in Sky's arms. Apparently the potion that Faith gave Willow is to keep her magic from entering her body too fast. So now it's slowly seeping into her body and she's probably going to be asleep for a few days. I don't know about Faith. I'll probably wake her up tomorrow so she can drink some water and maybe get something to eat. I don't want her to get dehydrated. I just got her back, I'm not about to lose her now because her body is drying up. What kind of wife would I be if I let her do that? A pretty bad one, that's for sure. So for the next couple of weeks I'm going to be the best damn wife I can be. I'm going to cook all of her meals, wait on her hand and foot, and go down on her whenever she wants me to. Hell, I'll do it just to do it.

Faith mumbles something in her sleep and I try to hear what it is. I can't though, and the little whisper is gone like a leaf in the wind. I reach over and very gently caress her face. I don't want to wake her up, but I need to be touching her right now. I'm actually a little jealous of the kids because they sort of took her away from me. I planned on falling asleep tonight with my arms wrapped around her, but they wanted to be close with her. Their needs come before mine, so we went ahead and let them sleep in here. I don't mind right now, but tonight she's all mine, even if we're just cuddled up together. I'm going to take the next couple of days off from work, as if I haven't been going anyway. I know she isn't going into the shop for a while. At least not if I have anything to say about it, and trust me I will.

Oh fuck, she's waking up. I stop moving my hand as her eyes flutter a couple of times, and then open. She looks so damn cute right now. Her eyes have a very sleepy haze to them, her hair is all messed up, and now she has a little half smile on her face. I smile back and start caressing her cheek again. She closes her eyes and leans into my touch. She has a very happy smile on her face, and I can't help but let out a contented sigh. This is how life is supposed to be. Without all the slaying, and the bullshit. Just me and my wife and my kids curled up and sleeping soundly. I don't want to be a slayer anymore. I want us to be normal. No more spells gone wrong, no more demons coming after us in some plot to kill us, and more vampires trying to take a bite out of us. That's impossible though, so I might as well stop fantasizing about it.

"Hey," she whispers and very slowly turns her head and gives my palm a little kiss. "Do you know how much I love you?" About as half as much as I love you. I nod my head yes and she smiles a little wider. "As soon as I'm refreshed I'm gonna show you just how much I love you. We might have to ask my dad to watch the kids for a couple days but if that's what we gotta do then we'll do it." I definitely like the sound of that. I don't say anything though because I know if I try to speak I'll probably start crying again. They'll be happy tears but I don't want to wake the kids up. That would totally suck because once Addison and Joseph are up, they're up and there's no getting them back to sleep. So instead of talking, I gently run the tips of my fingers over her bottom lip.

"I got so much stuff I wanna tell you about that other world." She's more awake now so her voice doesn't have that gravely sound to it, and her eyes lost that haze. Faith is just like the other two, and now she probably won't get back to sleep for a couple of hours. "I was goin crazy tryin to find a way back, but the people weren't so bad." There's a little smile tugging at the corners of her mouth but she won't let it grow into a full on smile. "That Addy wanted me to stay there. She said that because I'm still in love with you that I might learn to love her mom, and that I could give her a family back." She looks so sad now, and what she said is really depressing. "And their oldest isn't off at college like I thought." Faith never saw Matthew in any of the dreams so we just assumed he was off at college or maybe he had already moved out. "He died in a car accident. It's one of the main reasons why their marriage fell apart. They were already in trouble and when that happened it just made things so much worst." Wow, that's really fucked up.

"That's horrible," I whisper and I make sure to keep my tone under control. I can't start crying now because then I won't be able to stop. Crying at this point would be very bad because I don't want to be up all night with a cranky little boy. You have no idea how he can get when he doesn't get enough sleep. I've slayed hell hounds that weren't as bad as him. I know I probably shouldn't ask this. I trust Faith with my life and I know she'd never cheat on me. But that's the thing, she was with me, just a different version of me. I know I shouldn't, but I'm going to. "Did you and the other me…do anything?" I give her a knowing look and she gets it instantly. And here I thought it would take her a minute or two. I don't think she's stupid. Faith is one of the smartest people I know, but with her being tired and all I thought it might take a minute for her to catch on.

"No, we didn't. I'm gonna be honest, she wanted to. Her marriage had completely fallen apart, she kicked the other me out of the house, and one night she got pretty drunk. She almost fell down so I caught her. She kissed me, but I pushed her back. Told her she was drunk and didn't know what she was doin. Then she passed out and I took her up to her room. She apologized the next morning and everything was fine." I search her eyes like I'm searching for her soul and I can tell that she isn't lying. I didn't think she would but now I know for sure. "She told me I remind her how the other me used to be when they were in college. How I actually care about your feelings. It was really hard for her. Sometimes I'd catch her givin me these looks when she thought I wasn't lookin and I wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be ok 'cause she looks just like you, and I can't stand to see you sad."

"Baby, I know this is gonna sound heartless but that's just how it is there. You can't take any of the blame, or feel guilty about it. You didn't do anything wrong. You weren't even supposed to be there." She knows I'm right, but she still looks really sad. What she said about not being able to see me sad is true. Whenever I'm upset she always tries to cheer me up, and the same goes for me when it comes to her. She acts like she has to have this wall around her all the time to block people from what she's really feeling, even from me. It can get really annoying and we've had a lot of fights in the past about it, but right now she's bearing everything. Please oh please stop looking at me with those eyes. I don't think I can take much more of this. She looks like a sad little dog at the pound, cowering in the back of the cage, and shaking really bad.

"I'm sure they'll be ok." I have no idea if they're going to be ok, but telling her what I really think probably won't make her feel better. "I know I wouldn't be able to stay away from you for very long." I wiggle my eyebrows a little bit, and she smiles. She knows I'm being serious as well as playful. I honestly don't know what I would do without Faith in my life and I don't want to find out. The last two weeks have been hell and I don't want to relive them ever again. The possibility of it happening is very real. Every time we go out on patrol there's no guarantee we'll coming back, which is why if anything happens to us Chris will get the kids. If he can't take them then Willow is next in line, and if she can't do it then Xander will. I can't believe I forgot to tell her this. I can't believe I forgot about it at all. She's going to be completely heartbroken. But I have to tell her. She has every right to know.

"Faith, there's something I have to tell you." She instantly knows that it isn't going to be a good thing. It isn't a good thing. It's a horrible thing, and she's going to be so upset. I really hope she doesn't get out of control with emotion and wake up the kids. I know how sensitive she can really be and this is a very touchy subject. "Just try to stay calm, ok? Whatever you do please don't yell. The kids really need to get some sleep. They were a wreck without you here, and it's not like I was the most comforting person because I was too wrapped up in trying to find a way to save you." She gives me an impatient look, so I get down to it. "There's no easy way for me to say this, so I'm going to spit it out. A couple days ago I sent Cindy to the store because we were all out of breakfast foods and the kids were hungry, and she accidentally crashed your Camero."

"That's it?" she asks with a very confused look on her face. I nod my head and she lets out a big breath of relief. Ok, what the fuck? Faith loves her car, she told me so herself. She named it Bonnie, and she said that I wasn't allowed to even look at it the wrong way or I might break something on it. I am so not that bad of a driver. I made it all the way to the school in an SUV when I tried to blow up Robin Wood. Do any of you remember that? I've gotten way better over the years and I've only gotten in three minor accidents that weren't my fault in any way, shape, or form. That's why they're called 'accidents' they're nobody's fault except the other person's. "I thought you were gonna tell me Tucker died."

"Oh, God no, he isn't dead, baby." She hasn't seen the dogs yet because she was so tired that I took her upstairs right away so she could get some rest. Well that and, "Things around here have been so crazy that Dawn offered to take the dogs over to her house where she would feed them and give them water and all the stuff a dog needs. I totally would've forgotten about that and I didn't want to leave it all up to Matthew because he was handling so much stuff already." She smiles a little and I can see her rubbing the arm that's wrapped around her. In his sleep Matthew has managed to spoon with Faith. He's probably going to be traumatized when he wakes up, it should be hilarious. She yawns a very big yawn and I can't help but smile. "Let's get some sleep ok?" She nods her head and reaches out for me. I entwine our fingers and she smiles a little. I close my eyes and for the first time in two weeks I'm at peace.

FPOV

Oh my God, that was possibly the best sleep I've ever had. I stretch my arms above my head and arch my back. I feel the little vertebra pop and crack and it feels damn good. Wait a second, I didn't go to bed alone last night. The kids were cuddled up against me, and I feel asleep a second time holdin Buffy's hand. So where the hell is everyone? I let my slayer senses roam and I can hear sounds coming from downstairs. Oh, they're probably making me a big 'welcome home' breakfast. That would be fucking sweet. B has gotten a lot better when it comes to cooking and most of the time her food doesn't wanna make me get sick like it used to. I take all of the credit for that. I'm the one that taught her how to cook after all.

Teaching her is always kind of fun. Sometimes she can get frustrated, but we always have a good time cooking together. Or sometimes when I barbeque she'll rub my back and occasionally kiss my neck. We won't be talking or anything, which is nice. I love our quiet time together. We don't get a lot of it together because of the kids and work and all of that other stuff. But when the kids go to bed, and all of the housework is done, and we're not too tired, then we'll sit in the living room and have a glass of wine. She'll cuddle up to me and we'll just sit together, completely silent. We've been together so long that we don't really need to talk, you know? Silence, in those moments, definitely say more then we ever could. I know that probably sound cheesy or whatever, but it doesn't matter what you think.

I get up and slip on my robe. This thing is so fuckin comfortable, and it looks damn good on me too. I walk silently down the stairs, and into the kitchen. I see Buffy standing at the counter, cutting up some green onions. Hmmm, she's going to make me an omelet. I like mine nice and spicy with some green onions thrown in for color. The stereo is on and she's listening to one of her favorite songs. Ok, so I know where Buffy is, so where is everyone else? I think I'll wait a minute or two before I ask her. She's wearing one of my oversized shirts that I usually wear to bed. I guess she wanted to smell my scent all the time. That's a kind of small one though and I can see the bottom of her white panties sticking out of the bottom. I walk up to her, and without saying a word I wrap my arms around her waist and rest of my head on her shoulder. She lets out a little purr and I kiss her cheek.

"Mmm, hey there gorgeous," I whisper in her ear. A shiver runs through her body, and she lets out a little squeal. I laugh a little and give her a kiss on her earlobe. She loves it when I play with her ears. Almost nothing turns her on more then her ears being kissed and sucked on. I gently run my hands up and down her sides and she keeps cutting up the onions. I can't believe how much I missed just doing this to her. What I'm doing now isn't uncommon. It happens every time she fixes breakfast. When the kids are in the room they make grossed out noises but they're just joking around. It's important to be affectionate in front of your kids, in my opinion. That way they know how a relationship is supposed to be. Speaking of kids. "Where are the little ones?"

"At Dawn's. I thought you could use some peace and quiet, and they would've given you anything but. They're so excited that you're finally home. I told them when you're back on your feet we can do something as a family. Maybe go to the Adventure Dome, or the water park. And we should definitely have a barbeque. Invite everyone over and make way too much food, have a couple of drinks and just relax." That does sound really nice. We haven't done any of that stuff in fuckin forever. It's pretty hard when you have to work all day. On the weekends we like to just relax, but maybe we should start going on more outings. I think that would be best. Spend some time with the kids while they still want to spend time with us. "Of course the kids want to do all of that stuff today because they're really excited that you're back." I get a little smile on my face and gently rub her stomach with my right hand.

"And what about you?" I whisper in her ear as I gently trail my hand down to the elastic of her underwear. She tenses up a little bit, but in a good way. Her breathing gets a little deeper, and I leave some soft kisses on the side of her neck. "Are you really excited to see me?" I push passed the little barrier, and gently run the tip of my middle finger along the tops of her folds. She sucks in a deep breath, and I can feel some of her wetness. I love teasing her. It's so much damn fun. I breathe against the back of her ear and she lets out a little moan. Fuck that sounded really sexy. I need to stop teasing her now. It isn't very fair for either of us since I missed the feel of her liquid silk so fucking much.

I slowly slide my finger passed her moist folds and God damn she's so fucking wet. If I had known she was gonna be that wet I wouldn't have waited so long. I very slowly run the tip of my finger up and down her dripping slit. I can feel her pussy getting a little bigger as it fills up with blood. I have to bite my bottom lip to keep from groaning. She's so fucking turned on, and just the feel of it, the smell of it, and the though of what I'm about to do is definitely turning on me. Her hips start moving with the slow rhythm I've started. I nip at the hot flesh on her neck and she drops the knife and buries her hand in my hair. I dip two fingers inside of her, and her muscles instantly clamp down around me. I bury them deeper, and deeper and then flick 'em like I'm strumming a guitar. I hit her g-spot and her hips buck and she lets out a long moan.

"There, right there," she breaths out turns her head a little so she can kiss me. It's sloppy on her part, but that doesn't stop me from kissing her back with everything I have. I rub her g-spot softly and her hips are thrusting against mine hand. Her legs are spread pretty far apart, and she's leaning forward a little holding herself up with the counter. Her muscles start contracting around my fingers a little harder and I know she's fucking close. "Now, baby. I really need it." Ok, if you say so. I press up against her g-spot harder then I have been and give it another long rub. She lets out a long animalistic groan, and I feel her come gush out of her. It runs down my fingers to the back of my hand, and drips onto her underwear. I start kissing long the side of her neck, and I keep up my pace.

I'm doing all of this for a reason. I want to suck on her clit. So why am I not going down on her, you're probably asking? Well, I'll tell you. Buffy's clit is very…shy, I guess you could say. Every other woman I've been with their clits will be out and ready by the time they reach their first orgasm, but Buffy's needs a little more coaxing. It usually takes two, sometimes three good orgasms before it'll come out to play. And I have no problem following its rules. Before Buffy has time to come down from her high I catapult her into other orgasm. She's moaning out my name, and bucking against my hand. I'm having a little trouble keeping up with her. I rub my thumb along her slit, until I reach the top. I can feel her clit throbbing, and I gently press down on it. Buffy hisses in a breath and her head rolls back against my shoulder.

Before she can get too comfortable, I turn her around and grab onto her hips. I kiss her, and it's raw and almost violent. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me closer to her. I rub my hands up and down her sides, and she moans into my mouth. I hook my thumbs through her panties and pull them down to her knees. I put my hand between her legs, and gently rub her clit with my middle finger. Buffy moans and groans, and bucks against me. I grab onto her hips and sit her down on the counter. I break the kiss and look at her beautiful face. She's flushed and glistening with sweat, and I swear she's never looked more beautiful then right now. Instead of telling her I pull her underwear off and drop them to the floor. I softly rub the tops of her thighs and she spreads her legs for me.

I drop to my knees and just look at her. She's wet, and throbbing, and pink. Her lips are swollen, and I lick my lips at the sight. I see her clit peeking out of its little hood and I smile. I look up at B and she has this look on her face this 'eat me or I'll die' type of look. That's all the encouragement I need. I bury my face between her legs and start lapping at her dripping hole like a cat with a bowl of cream. Mmmm, I could live off of this stuff if it had any nutritional value. I lick my way up to her throbbing clit, and wrap my lips around it. I gently suck on it like the most delicious candy in the world. Buffy grabs onto the back of my head with one hand, and puts her legs over my shoulders. I hope she doesn't squeeze them because the last time she did that I almost passed out. I roll my tongue around her clit and I almost come as it throbs against me.

"Baby," she breathes and pulls on my hair. "Faith…I…I." She's trying to get me off of her but I won't budge. "I don't think…I can…." I reach up and hold onto one of her hands. She entwines our fingers and she holds on for dear life. At least it feels like it. I might need to get some x-rays taken after this. Anyway, I start sucking on her clit again, and it's throbbing even faster. She's thrusting against my face and it's becoming a little difficult to do this, but there's no way in hell I'm going to stop. I run my free hand on the top of her thigh, and slowly bring it down to the place she needs me most. I enter her fast, and hard with two fingers. I start pumping in and out of her, and she meets me thrust for thrust. I hit her g-spot, and all it takes it one hard rub and she's yelling my name. I keep rubbing her though, and draw out her orgasm for as long as I can. She likes it when I do that, and I want to keep her happy.

When I feel her stop moving I slowly pull my fingers out of her. I lick up, and swallow down a lot of the moisture but I don't linger for too long. I leave one last little kiss on her clit, and then kiss my way up her stomach. I playfully dip my tongue in her bellybutton, and she giggles a little. I kiss her ribs, the valley in between her breasts, and I stop to pay some special attention to her collarbones. I leave a hickey on each, and I know she's going to be a little irritated later. Right now she couldn't care less. I kiss my way up the right side of her neck, and I suck on her earlobe a little bit. I'm not trying to turn her on again. After what I just gave her she's going to need a while to recover. I give her a kiss on the cheek, and then a little peck on her lips. I can still taste her on mine, and I don't want that to go away. At least not anytime soon.

"Don't ever go away again," she says and wraps her arms around me. She rests her head on my shoulder and she starts to shake. Tears are probably on the way, but that's alright. She needs to get this out of her system or she might go a little crazy. I wrap my arms around her, and just hold her as she breaks down. "Don't ever, ever go away again." Don't worry, babe, I'm right here. I would say that out loud but it won't do any good. When she gets like this words don't help. She just needs to be held, and let the tears fall. So that's what I'm going to do. Of course if she'd stop pushing me away from her it would make the holding her thing easier. "I'm sitting on the knife. I think I cut my ass." I have to bite my cheeks to stop myself from smiling. "It's not funny." Damn, she knows me too well. I pick her up and cradle her in my arms. If she ass is cut then I should probably clean it up and put bandages on it or something. "I love you, Faith." I love you too B.


	76. Those Lazy Days Of Summer

Two Weeks Later. FPOV

It's been two weeks since I got back from that other dimension. Things have been just peachy, as B would put it. I'm not bein sarcastic or anything. It hasn't just been breakfast in bed, and hot sex with B. I've been going in to the shop and helping my dad build that bike. The dead line is comin up and if we don't have it ready then we won't be getting paid, and if we don't get paid then a lot of our plans are gonna be ruined. If I don't get paid then we won't be goin to Hawaii for two weeks, and we won't be gettin a new car. It's gonna be bitchin 'cause I'm not getting a car I'm gettin a truck. A big one too. I need one 'cause I'm gonna start buying cheap cars and fixin 'em up. This way I can haul 'em myself.

I've also been goin over to the apartment building and fixin some stuff up. The new school year starts next week, so we're gettin a new group of girls. Giles said if we wanna hold off on it we could but I turned it down. I want things to get back to normal so we can get on with our lives. B thinks we should take some extra time, but we don't need it. We had a little talk last night and I promised her that things are gonna change around here. I'm gonna spend more time with my family and less time at the shop, and Sky is gonna help me and B out at the apartments so we can spend more time just the two of us. A big part of the problem is we don't spend enough time doing couple stuff. I think we should get a new babysitter so that we can go out on dates every once in a while.

It's been a long time since B and I have gone out and done something romantic, or whatever. She loves doing stuff like that. Getting all dressed up and goin out to a fancy place. It's not really my style, but I love seein her happy, and doing stuff like that together always puts a smile on her face. I remember the last time we went out to dinner we went to this little French restaurant, and she was wearing this little white dress that made her look like an angel or somethin. She had her hair pulled back, and she was wearing the diamond earrings I bought her for her birthday and they were kinda sparkling in the light. She definitely wasn't acting very angel like though, that's for sure. We were out in public and in a fancy-shmancy place so of course she was all polite smiles and proper manners and all that. But as soon as we sat down she slipped off her right shoe and teased me all through dinner.

I was wearing this killer red dress that I'm totally hot in, and she was runnin her barefoot up and down my legs, and lightly rubbing the backs of her toes against the inside of my right thigh. Then when the waiter came over to ask if we needed anything else she lifted her foot up and pressed her toes against my pussy and started moving 'em back and forth. I could've killed her for doin that because it was really fuckin unexpected and as soon as it happened I let out this little squeak. I don't normally get embarrassed that easy, but I had to try and keep it cool and act like my wife wasn't molesting me with her toes or else we would've been thrown out and banned for life or something. I got my revenge later that night though. We stayed a hotel 'cause when you've got kids you have no privacy. And when she was ordering some room service I started fuckin her with my fingers.

She could barely concentrate on what she was sayin and for a minute or two she forgot she was on the phone and started moanin. She was definitely embarrassed about it, but she didn't really care too much. Anyway, that's something I wanna do again. Not fuckin her while she's on the phone. I mean, getting all dressed up, and goin out to a nice place, and then goin to a nice hotel after. We can't really afford it now though, 'cause neither of us was workin while I was in that weird dimension, and we gotta a lot of bills to pay. Well, not really a lot, but the normal amount, and this month we're gonna be a little short on cash. We're really tryin to break the habit of runnin to Giles whenever we hit a small bump in the road, money wise. If we ever get into some serious debt then we'll consider givin him a call, but other then that we need to learn to budget and act like adults, or whatever.

I'm at the shop right now, and it's been a pretty relaxed day so far. We're almost done with the bike, we're just waiting on a part that we had to special order. It should be here tomorrow, and once we get that put in we'll be all finished. The delivery company kinda sucks though, so it'll be more like three or four days until it gets here. But after that we'll be all done, and the guy is comin by next week to pick it up so it'll be just in time. That bike isn't the only thing we've been workin on. When I was in that other dimension my dad took on a couple more clients. One is in here right now to check up on her bike and make sure we're doin things the way she wants 'em. She's a cute little thing too. Bright blonde hair, big blue eyes, and a rockin body. If I weren't tied down I'd definitely take her for a ride. And she's definitely into me. We've been kinda flirting for a little while, but it's totally innocent.

"Awww, he's such a little cutie," Shawna says and I smile a little bit. I'm showin her pictures of the kids that I keep in my wallet. Yeah, yeah I know. I'm kinda using my kids as a way to score points with a chick I'm never gonna get with. I guess I haven't changed much since my days of trollin the mall with Mattie to get chicks' phone numbers. But that's alright. It's not like I'm the only married person to ever flirt. Fuck, B went out on a lunch date with a guy so I she has no right to complain if I flirt a little bit. "And he looks just like you." I smile a little more to show off my dimples just like Joey's showin off his dimples in the picture. "You have very beautiful children. You and your husband must be very proud." Ok, so I haven't told her that I'm married to a chick, so what?

"Actually I don't have a husband." She raises an eyebrow and gets a little smirk on her face. I know that look very well. That's the 'but you're so hot, how can you not be taken?' I've given that look many times in the past, and I've gotten that look from people before they find out about B. I give her a sort of challenging look, and the smirk gets a little bigger. I don't know exactly what it is about flirting that I like so much. It's more then just the fact that I think the person is hot. I think lots of people are hot, but most of the time I won't do anything about it. There's just somethin about seein the look on a girl's face when I make her blush by sayin an innuendo that always puts a smile on my face. You remember how I was with B back in Sunnydale. That was a little more intense 'cause I really liked her.

"Boyfriend?" her voice is a little higher pitched then before. She's definitely skeptical but again I can safely say that I don't have a boyfriend. It's not like I'm lying or anything. B may try to act all tough but she doesn't have any man parts. I shake my head no and she looks down at the picture again. I can't really tell if she's just takin another look or if she's just trying to think of something to say. And for those of you who might be a little confused, I'm not wearing my rings right now. I always take 'em off when I get to the shop so they won't get all dirty from the oil and stuff. She starts flippin through the pictures again, and then looks up at me through her eyelashes. "So you're raising all three kids on your own?" Before I can answer the door opens and in walks Buffy and Joey. Crap. She has the day off so she's out for a little stroll. She likes taking Joey for little walks around town that's always been their thing.

"Hey, baby," she says and I nod a little bit. I glance over at Shawna and she doesn't look too surprised to see Buffy. Huh, that's a little weird. Most women look a little more upset then that when they find out I'm already taken. This one looks…almost like she was expectin B to come walkin through the door. "Hey Shawna, what are you doing here?" What the fuck? They know each other? Well, it isn't too surprising, this is a pretty small town. I've never seen Shawna before but I'm not as social as Buffy. I get to spend a lot of my time here so I'm always talkin to people that just wander in wonderin exactly what it is we do here. And most of those people are guys. Buffy teaches a women's self defense class so that's probably where they met.

"Hi, Buffy. I'm just making sure your wife is taking good care of my baby." I hate it when people call their bikes their babies. I felt the same way about mine before I crashed it, but there's just somethin that bugs me when people say it out loud. I guess it's because I have kids and the love you have for a baby is different then the love you have for your bike. "She's a lot cuter in person then in the pictures." What pictures? And I am not cute. Dead sexy, and smokin hot yes, but not cute. "I think it's the little oil smudge that's doing it for me." I have oil on my face? I hate it when I get oil on my face. It's so obvious that she wants me, but does Buffy get jealous? Nooo, all she does is kind of giggle as she sits Joey down on the counter.

"What have you been doin today, babe?" I ask and give her a little kiss on the lips. I want to change the subject before they start talking about me like I'm not in the room. That happens more then you'd think especially whenever B starts talkin to Red. B and Red and best friends so by proxy Red and I are sorta friends, but that doesn't stop them from talkin about me. B will tell Red all kinds of dirty details about us when I'm right there. I get a little embarrassed sometimes like when B tells her about the couple of times I've passed out. Anyway, my baby boy scoots over to me and wraps his arms around my neck. I give him a big hug while I wait for Buffy to talk.

"Not much really. I dropped the mail off at the post office, got a little grocery shopping done. I was going to get it all done today but the store was way too crowded. So after Joey helped unload everything we decided to take a little stroll, and stop by to see you in action." She gives me a little playful smirk and I roll my eyes. I know exactly what she's not saying with words just by that little smirk. "So, working on anything interesting?" That could be a trick question, but I know it's not. Buffy kind of likes it when I talk about the bikes. Apparently I get all excited and 'cute'. I hate that she throws that word around when she's talkin about me. I mean, the kids are cute, puppies are cute, baby rabbits are cute. I am not cute. "Is Shawna's bike really cool?" I give Joey a little kiss but he pushes me away. Little brat.

"Yeah, it is. Coolest bike I've seen in a while." I glance over at her and give her a little wink. She giggles and rolls her eyes. Her bike isn't that great. The only original thing about it is the paintjob, but we're lookin to change that. I'm puttin in a new engine, and new rims. It'll be totally badass when I get done with it. I gotta say I'm pretty jealous of Shawna. She gets a Ninja and I don't. If I really wanted to I'd go out and get one, but B would pitch a fit. It would start a huge fight, and I'd end up sleepin on the couch for about a year, and we wouldn't have sex for the rest of our lives. She doesn't care that I work on other peoples' bikes, but ever since I had that accident a few years ago she's dead set against me getting another one.

"You're such a sweet talker. No, mine's not very cool. At least not yet. I'm hoping your wife can do something about that," she says with a cheeky smile. I kind of hate the fact that they know each other. They probably talk about me a lot at the class. I'll have to talk to B about this later. Maybe if I beg enough she'll stop talking about me to her friends. Or I could just threaten to withhold. No, that never turns out good. B can hold out way longer then I can. She's a freak like that. Shawna looks down at her watch and frowns a little bit. "Well, my lunch break is over so I need to get back to work. Hopefully my boss won't mind I'm a few minutes late. I'll see you guys later." We say our goodbyes and watch her leave. Well, I watch her ass as she leaves, and B talks to Joey.

"Alright," I say and wrap my arms around Buffy's waist. "Why don't you get over here so I can say hello the right way?" I raise an eyebrow and she gets a little smile on her face. I pull her close to me and kiss her very gently on the lips. Almost instantly our mouths open a little and I slowly rub the tip of my tongue against her. I just wanna tease her a little bit. I love teasin her 'cause she gets a little frustrated and it's cute. Whenever she gets frustrated her eyebrows wrinkle up, and she gets a 'you better quit messin with me' look in her eyes, but she's so small and sweet that it's hard to take her seriously. Either that or it's the pout that makes her look adorable when she's tryin to look tough.

"Mommy, I want love too," Joey whines and we both pull back from the kiss. I guess we kinda forgot he was there. Well, I didn't forget, but I just didn't care. I wanted to kiss my wife and I shouldn't not do it just because he's right there. If we don't show affection in front of our kids how are they supposed to know how to act in a relationship? It's not like I'm gonna leave it up to them to figure it out, or have them rely on their friends. If I do that then Addy will probably be barefoot and pregnant at thirteen, and Mattie will have a couple kids runnin around by the time he's fifteen. And God knows what'll happen to Joey. I'm jokin if you didn't catch that by the way.

"You do, huh?" B says with a little smile on her face. He nods his head yes and holds his arms out. She doesn't pick him up though. Instead she leans down and gives him a kiss. Little brat stole my kisses. Those lips should be pressed up against me not him. Ok, Faith, chill out. You're gettin jealous of your own son. Your three-year-old son, I should add. I smile a little as Buffy plants a bunch of little kisses all over his face. When she pulls back he has a big smile on his face, and he looks over at me and he glares. That little shit. He totally played her, and we both know it. He stole her away from me on purpose because Buffy is _his_ mommy, and he doesn't want anyone else to touch her.

"You told your dad about tomorrow right?" Buffy asks and picks Joey up. She props him on her hip and instantly his head is on her shoulder. He loves it when Buffy holds him like that. His jealousy issues are getting a little better. Now that he isn't sleepin in our bed at all, except for the night I got home, things have calmed down. He still has his moments though, but I think they'll go away with time. It's all gonna take time. It's not like I can flip a switch and have everything be perfect. How badass would that be?

"Yeah, he knows I'm takin tomorrow off." Tomorrow we're takin the kids to the Adventure Dome. It's gonna kick ass. I think I always have more fun then the kids do. "The day after I'm gonna work a little later to make up for the time. And don't give me that look." She was gonna glare at me, I know she was. She hates it when I work late because then I miss out on helping her keep the kids out of the kitchen while she cooks. I mostly do the cooking, but every once in a while she'll take a stab at it. She's gotten better over the years since I've been teachin her how to cook, but there's definite room for improvement. "That bike needs to be done and very soon or all the plans we made we're not gonna be able to do." She sighs a little and rolls her eyes all melodramatic.

"Alright, alright. Make enough money so we can go to Hawaii, see if I care," she says and she sounds kinda serious, but I know she's joking. "I need to go pick my rings up from the cleaners." She has her wedding rings cleaned like every couple of months or something. I've never seen someone so obsessed with keeping their rings cleaned as she is. Sometimes I think she's a little crazy. But she's my crazy wife, and I love her more then she'll ever know. "I'll see you at home, baby." She leans over and gives me a little kiss on the lips. I give Joey a goodbye kiss too, but he doesn't like it very much. He's jealous 'cause I kissed B again. I watch her ass as they leave and I can't help but get a big smile on my face. Back and Sunnyhell when we were still teens I used to watch her ass all the time and pray that one day she'd be mine. Sometimes I still can't believe how fuckin happy I am that she is.

BPOV

Faith has been back for two whole weeks now. Well, two weeks and a day, and right now we're doing one of my favorite things. We've been doing this for as long as I can remember. I know we did it once or twice before we moved in together. She was a little weirded out by it because she never did it with anyone before. But now she likes it just as much as I do. It isn't sexual, so get your mind out of the gutter. We're taking a bath together. Faith is reclined against the white porcelain, and I'm practically lying on top of her. She has one arm wrapped around me, and her hand is resting on my stomach. She's drawing little circles around my bellybutton with the tips of her fingers and it feels like heaven. The other hand is holding the glass of wine that we've been sharing. There isn't much left and we've pretty much forgotten about it.

Today was a little stressful so we're unwinding. We took the kids to the Adventure Dome because we haven't been there in a very long time, and now that Joseph is big enough to ride some of the rides we figured we would go as a family. It was fun but taking your kids to a place like that can be stressful, especially when you have kids who aren't afraid to walk up to a complete stranger and ask them if they have any extra money so they can buy some candy. I swear, one of these days Addison is going to give me a heart attack. I know I'm a slayer so you're probably thinking that I should just calm down because I can fight off a normal person very easy. Well, it's kind of hard to hurt something when you don't know where it is, or what it looks like. There are people out there who do sick, twisted things to little girls, and if one of them ever touched my daughter I'd rip their arms off.

Anyway, we did have fun, even though my little girl scared the hell out of me. She never used to be like this. She was always more reserved with strangers, and Matthew was the one we had to really watch because he would wander off and start talking to random people. Now that he's older we don't have to worry too much about him because he knows not to just talk off. Addison on the other hand can't grasp that concept. She sees something she wants and she'll run off after it even if we've already told her a hundred times she needs to stay with us and not just leave. But it's fine now. The kids are all asleep and in their own beds, and I'm relaxing against my beautiful wife. Life right now, at this very moment is perfect. And yes I am bragging.

I know you're extremely aware of the situation. Our marriage has never been perfect. We've always had our problems, but we've always been able to work through them. Now we're going to be doing that more then ever. I have to let go of the past and keep my mind focused on what I want to happen in the future. We can't go back to the way we used to be because we're not those people anymore. We have kids, and work and training a group of slayers to think about now too. And we've been through so much in the last eight years and we've changed in different ways. I've definitely grown up a lot and become more mature. I don't let little things bother me as much as they used to, and Faith has changed a lot too. She can actually sit down and have a serious conversation without us getting into a big fight. It's definitely been like a roller coaster ride, and I'm glad we're finally getting off of that.

"Stop it," I'm startled out of my thoughts by Faith's voice. What is she talking about? Stop what? She leaves a little kiss on my temple and takes a sip of the wine. "You're doing that whole thinking thing again. We're not supposed to be thinking. We're supposed to be relaxing." I can't help the very happy grin that slowly breaks out on my face. I turn just a little bit so I can look up at her face. She looks so relaxed right now, and really happy. I'm glad that she's happy because trust me when I say the last two weeks have been some very emotional ones. She felt so guilty about everything that happened in that other world. But things are better now. She's accepted that there's nothing she could've done and she's trying her best to move on.

"I wasn't thinking anything bad. I was just thinking about how happy I am." She kisses me on the forehead and I scrunch up my nose a little bit. Why I did that, I don't know, but it made her chuckle a little so I'm glad I did. "When you were gone it felt like the world was ending. I hated that feeling more then I hate white chocolate." White chocolate is disgusting, and it breaks the rules of nature. Chocolate is brown, not white. Ask any little kid what color chocolate is and only the color blind ones will tell you white. "I hated it more then I hate hammer head sharks." They're freaks of nature, and they give me the creeps. "I just want things to stay good, you know? It seems like whenever something like this happens things are good for a little while, but then they start to go bad. It's like we're only happy right after something really bad happens." I carefully take the glass out of her hand and swallow the last of the wine. There was only a mouth full left.

"I know, B. I hate that it's like that too. But we'll get better. Now that we both know there's a problem to be fixed we can fix it. We just need to start talking to each other more, and being honest and all of that good communication stuff." I can tell she wanted to say 'communication shit'. Now the old me would have been bothered by this. She would have thought that Faith wasn't going to take this seriously and gotten all upset and started a fight over nothing. But the improved me knows when she's about to make a mountain out of a mole hole, or whatever it's called, and it doesn't bother me. She didn't say shit, and that's all that matters. "We should probably work on it tomorrow though, 'cause I've had enough wine to shut down the good communication part of my brain." I can't help but laugh a little bit.

"You had two glasses. What, are you turning into a light weight or something?" I smile up at her and she just smiles and closes her eyes. She rests her head against the wall and lets out a big happy sounding sigh. "And you didn't even have two whole glasses. We've been sharing." And I think I drank most of it. What can I say? I really like red wine. Especially when I'm pressed up against my beautiful wife and we're taking a bubble bath together. "I've been thinking…." I hear her groan a little after I say that and I can't help but giggle like a school girl. Maybe I have had too much wine. I don't get mad because she always does that whenever I say 'I've been thinking'. It's like a natural reflex or something. "That maybe for our trip it could just be the two of us. I mean, there will always be vacations in the future with the kids, and I think every once in a while a couple needs to go on a vacation to remind each other that they're still in love." That came out wrong. I hope she doesn't take it the wrong way.

"Took you long enough, but you're finally comin around to my way of thinkin." What's that supposed to mean? "I wanted it to be just the two of us, but you said you wanted to take the kids. But, I dunno, I think we need this. We need a little break from parenthood to just be us, you know?" Yes I do know. I nod my head a little and run my hand softly over the bubbles. I don't want to pop them, I just want to move them around a little bit. "And you're right, with the way things are goin at the shop we'll definitely be able to afford more vacations in the future." Hmm, I know that tone of voice. That's her 'I have a secret and I'm not gonna tell you' voice. I hate it when she uses that voice.

"What are you planning?" I ask in my 'cop voice'. At least that's what Faith calls it. I guess it reminds her of some cop movie she watched, I don't know. She ever really explains those kinds of things to me. Anyway, I turn a little more so I can see her face perfectly and she has a little smirk. Now I know she's planning something but she wants to keep me in the dark about it. I hate surprises, and she knows it. She likes surprising me with romantic things, but for the most part I don't like it. Ok, so I've always liked her surprises, but it's the…oh, what's the word? Ummm……….anticipation, that's it. It's the anticipation that I can't stand. She knows I can't stand it. I think that's part of why she does it.

"I'm not plannin anything. You're just bein paranoid. Careful, B, or some guys in white outfits are gonna come and haul you away in a straightjacket." She laughs at her own stupid joke and I just roll my eyes. I pinch her, right on the ribs, and she flinches. She's very ticklish right there. It took me a while to find that exact spot, but once I found it I definitely use it against her. Especially when we're in playful moods, like we are right now. "B, don't you dare." The look in her eyes is serious, but she has a smile on her face, and her dimples are starting to peek out. I love her dimples, and I don't think that's ever gonna change.

"Out with it, Lehane. What do you have up your sleeve?" I raise an eyebrow, and tickle her again. She squirms a little more, and the water sloshes around in the tub. We better be careful or it'll go over the edge and onto the floor. I really don't want to have to pay a bunch of money to repair water damage because we decided to have some fun in the tub. "You know I'll do it. Just tell me what you're planning and no one gets hurt." I'm still using my 'cop voice'. Now that I'm thinking about it I do sound kind of like a cop in a melodramatic movie or TV show or something. It could be something like: Buffy Summers is a renegade cop on the edge, in Renegade Cop 4, don't miss it. And there could be car chases, and bus crashes, and bombs going off. It would be bad ass.

"You'll never take me alive," she says in an overdramatic voice. "Whacha gonna do about it, copper?" Great, now she's talking like one of those fake 1950s mobsters from Chicago. The smile on her face just got way bigger and her stomach muscles are all tensed up. Oh, that was the wrong thing to say. Only I'm not going to tickle her like she thinks I'm going to. No, that would be the expected thing to do. And everyone knows that to outwit your enemy you have to do the unexpected, unless they're expecting that. Then the unexpected thing to do is the expected thing. Ow, my head hurts. I think I popped something in there. Anyway, before she knows what's happening, I move my hand down from her stomach and in between her slick folds. The look on her face is telling me that was definitely unexpected.

"Tease you to death if you don't tell me what I wanna know," I say, and give her the most innocent smile I can conjure up. She mouth drops open for a second when I run my finger slowly over her clit, but then she snaps it shut. "I can do this all night, it doesn't bother me." Actually that's a little bit of a lie. Touching her like this always gets me worked up, and eventually I will give in, but I'll try to hold out as best as I can since I'm on a mission to get information. I very slowly lower my finger down until it's at her entrance. I run little circles over it and her hips are moving out, trying to get me to enter her but I keep pulling back. "What are you planning?" She shakes her head no, and I can tell she's trying to stay still. "Alright, baby, if that's how you want it."

I enter her with just my middle finger. Inside she's hot, and wet, and her muscles clamp down around me. It's been a while since we've made love, and by a while I mean two days. We've been going at it almost every night since she got home, and sometimes during the day too. I hear her breathing become a little labored as she gets really turned on. She was turned on before because I've been teasing her a little bit for a while now. But now that I'm actually doing something about it she's getting really turned on. I look up at her face, and smile as she flushes. I love seeing her face like that. Her cheeks get a dark pink, and she gets a little sweat around her hairline, and her lips swell up.

"You're getting really worked up," I purr in her ear. I use the tip of my tongue to wiggle her earlobe a little. She loves it when I do that. I feel her suck in a deep breath. Poor baby is trying so hard not to react to this I think she's going to accidentally asphyxiate. "You know what would be so much easier?" I take her earlobe into my mouth and gently suck on it. I feel her shiver. It's small, and barely noticeable, but still there. "Tell me what you're planning, and I'll kiss it all better. How does that sound?" She groans a little in the back of her throat, but she doesn't say anything. I take my finger out of her, and run it up and down her very slick lips. I'm not touching anything that'll get her off, and she's starting to get a little frustrated. "What do you say, baby? Tell me, and I'll give you some release. Does that sound fair?" Before she can say anything I start kissing the tops of her breasts, and nipping at the sweet skin.

"I'll never tell," she says in her best Brittany Murphy impression. It could be better but she's a little distracted right now. "You might as well give it up, 'cause I'm not tellin you B. It's a surprise and you're not gonna ruin it for yourself." Her voice is very breathy, and I know she's probably right. I always do ruin things for myself when I'm able to get them out of her. And this isn't really all that fair because I know exactly what to do to torture her sexually. But too bad. I wanna know what she has planned, and I'm going to find out even if I have to do this all damn night. I enter her with two fingers. It's a little awkward because of my position, but it still feels good for her. I can tell because she gasped, and now she's trying really hard to keep her hips still.

"Oh God," she moans, and then bites her bottom lip. That's right baby, moan for me. I start circling her clit with my thumb, and she moves her head from side to side. Her whole face is turning red, even her ears, and her neck are starting to flush. It won't be long before she gets a lover's flush. I love it when that happens. Her chest gets all pink, and her breasts swell up a little bit. Every time I thrust into her she moans, and every time I pull out she sighs. I just need to be patient because Faith has a very important 'quiet time' during sex. When she's really close to orgasm she gets really quiet, and right before she comes she squeaks. That's important information to know because I'm going to use it against her. I accidentally brush against her g spot and her mouth drops open.

"That's it, B, right there," she says and grips onto the sides of the bathtub. She better be careful or she'll break it and we can't really afford to have another bathtub put in here. But whatever. I shouldn't be thinking about that kind of stuff when I have more important things to be thinking about right now. I rub against her g spot again, and her eyes slide shut. She tries to speed her hips up but I'm on top of her and in total control. I can tell she's getting really close. And I know this is really mean, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I pull my fingers out of her and rest my hand on her thigh. Her eyes fly open, and her breathing is really labored. There's so much desire in her eyes that it makes me shiver. "Come on, don't do that. Please baby, put your fingers back. I'm so close, B."

"I know, baby." I gently kiss her lips, but pull back before she can reciprocate. She tries to follow my mouth, but I pull back to far for her to reach. "And I'll finish, I promise, all you gotta do is tell me what I wanna know. That's it, baby." I kiss her again, and this time I use tongue. I gently rub the tip of my tongue against hers, but she doesn't take the bait. I feel her shift around a little, and then she shoves her arm in between us. What the hell is going on? I pull back to see for myself. First I look at her face, but then I glance down. Oh God, she's getting herself off, that's what's going on. I look up at her face again, and her eyebrows are burrowed like she's deep in concentration. Before I can even think to try and stop her, her back arches and she lets out a loud squeak. Then she goes completely limp.

"Damn," she says in a breathy voice. She gets a big smile on her face and she laughs a very throaty laugh. I know that laugh. I love that laugh because I'm usually the cause of it. "That was fuckin hella good. Thanks baby." Except I'm not the one who did that. She did. I guess I can't take the credit. "Aw, come on, B. Don't look like that. You'll find out really soon what we're gonna do, ok?" I nod my head a little and just look at her face. She looks so…happy. And not just because she had an orgasm. Everything about her is just completely relaxed, inside and out. She's back again, and we're not fighting, and the kids are ok. Our marriage isn't in trouble anymore, and soon we're going to be going to Hawaii just the two of us. I'd say those reasons are good enough to just sit back and relax. You won this round, Faith, but soon I'll have my revenge.

FPOV

I've been workin at the shop all fuckin day. I wanted to make up for the time I lost while we were at the Adventure Dome, and I kind of regret it. I finished that bike like I wanted, but we got three new customers, and I couldn't wait to see what they wanted us to do. One of 'em was just a paint job, and it only took about fifteen minutes to get it all done. But the others want some new parts put in to make their bikes go just a little faster. One of the benefits of working at a place like that is you get to ride the bikes. Not for fun, well it is fun I'm not gonna lie, but we like to test 'em out and make sure everything is runnin smooth before we start workin on 'em. That way we know if they have a crappy bike, and they won't be able to blame us if it breaks down after we get done customizing it. We do tell 'em if we think it needs some work, but sometimes they just shrug it off.

I got so caught up in what I was doin that I didn't stop to look at the time. It's almost nine, and that's a big problem. The kids are probably in bed already, and if that's true I'm going to be hearin about it in the morning. They hate it when I'm not here to give them hugs and kisses goodnight. Addy is the worst, and I have no idea why. She's such a little drama queen about everything, so I can see it. But all she ever does is fight with me all the fuckin time so you'd thin she wouldn't make that big of a deal about it. Anyway, I pull into the driveway, and shut off my car. It took me a while to get it as soon as new, but I did. There wasn't as much damage as I thought there was gonna be. I grab my purse, and head into the house. I can hear B talkin to someone in the kitchen. Good, she's distracted. Hopefully I'll be able to jump in the shower without her noticing.

I glance into the living room as I walk by and what I see makes me stop because it's too damn funny. Joey is sittin on the couch in nothing but his underwear. The Batman not the Spiderman. He's going through a Batman phase right now, and who can blame him? Although if you think about it Batman is kind of a pervert. A grown man running around in a rubber suit with a young boy. Doesn't take x-ray vision to see through that. Anyway, he's slouched down, and his legs are sticking over the edge. He's watching some cartoon, I don't know what one, and he's holding his sippy cup in one hand. The other hand is down his underwear. Now that right there is the definition of relaxation. In fact, after I get a shower and I'm gonna get a bottle of beer and sit down n the couch and do the same thing he's doin.

"Hey Moose," I say and sit down next to him. He looks over at me and takes a drink from his cup. Hmmm, he's watching Ahhh Real Monsters. This show is so fuckin awesome. I love the little rabbit thing. I can't remember his name, but he looks like a rabbit and that's all that matters. Anyway, I put my feet up on the coffee table and I look down at the floor. Great, his pajamas are on the floor when he's supposed to be wearing them. I would have him put them on, but I'm too tired for that fight. Buffy can do it when she's done doin…whatever it is she's doin. Tonight I just wanna lay back and relax. After the kids go to bed I'll grab a beer, turn on the TV, and have B all cuddled up to me. I know it sounds all girly or whatever, but I like it when she does that.

I kick my shoes off and they fall to the floor with a little thud. Awww, that's much better. These boots always make my feet all sweaty and gross. They don't smell too bad, but they get all sticky and I hate that feeling. That's why I gotta let 'em air out for a little while. But you really didn't need to know that, did you? Man, I really want a beer. I know B will be pissed if I have Joey get one for me 'cause he's still just a baby. At least he is in her eyes. I don't know where the other two are and I don't wanna yell out their names 'cause then B will hear me, and she'll get all pissed off for yellin when it's late. Yeah, around here nine o' clock is late. I guess I'll just have to go get one myself. When I walk into the kitchen I'm definitely not expecting to see Mattie sitting down at the table looking very uncomfortable. Buffy is sitting across from him and she looks just as tense.

"Look, I know it's normal for you to want to…do stuff like this. Alright? I get it. I've been there before, so I totally understand." What the fuck is she talking about? I grab a beer from the fridge and twist the cap off. I take a little sip as I turn around and lean against the counter. I look at Buffy and she gives me a weird look. It's kind of like she's asking for help with just her eyes. But I don't know what the fuck she's talking about so I can't help. "I know because you're young that it seems like you and Ashley have been dating for a long time." Oh, it's one of _those_ talks. Ha, I definitely do not envy either of them. She gives me a little 'help me' look again, and I laugh a little bit. Mattie looks over at me and he looks like he's gonna die of embarrassment.

"Matt, wait for me out back, ok?" He practically jumps from the chair and runs outside. I've talked to him about the sex stuff before. It's totally fuckin awkward for both of us, but when it comes to talking to your kids about sex you gotta just grit your teeth and get it done. I've always been open about this kind of stuff, you remember when I first showed up in SunnyD, right? Well, it's different but it's kind of the same. I don't get that uncomfortable talking about it with him. And it's less embarrassing for him 'cause I'm not like B. I don't try to relate as much as she does. Like what she said just now. The whole 'I've been there before, so I totally understand'. Like any kid wants to know what their mom has done. Seriously, how disturbing is that?

"So, what did he do this time?" I ask and take another swig. Buffy stands up and messes with a loose string on her shirt. Hmm, it must've been pretty bad if she doesn't want to tell me. I guess she's really pissed off about it. She tries not to get mad at him especially when it comes to his girlfriend because we both know that if we get pissed off at him for dating then it'll just make him want to do it more. Then he'll probably do something he's not ready for and catch a disease. I definitely don't want that to happen.

"They, being him and Ashley, were hanging out in his room. I told them to leave the door open but they didn't listen. When I went upstairs to check on them they were…well she was…she was going down on him." Really? I can't help but smile a big fuckin smile. Buffy gives me a little glare, and smacks me on the arm. Ow, that hurt. "Don't be proud, ok? He's only thirteen for God's sake. Isn't this not supposed to happen until he's fifteen, or sixteen?" My zen non-answer is taking a sip of beer. Buffy rubs her face with both hands and rests her forehead on my shoulder. Poor baby. I probably would've freaked if I walked in on that. "I didn't think boys were really this bad. I mean, he didn't force her or anything but she's a little hussy. Are all boys really this bad as soon as they're teenagers?"

"Joey's sittin on the couch playin with himself." I smile a little when I hear her groan. "I know, they're just a couple a dirty boys." I give her a little kiss on the temple and she chuckles a little bit. "You go take care of Joey, and I'll talk to Mattie. Ok?" She nods her head and I leave another little kiss on her temple. She stands up straight and leaves the room. Damn, she looks really tired. I wonder if she had a bad day or something? Then again, walkin in on your son getting head doesn't exactly a good mood make. Did that make sense? Oh well. Anyway, I go outside onto the deck and Mattie's leaning against the rail lookin out at the backyard. Tucker's out there probably sleeping. I had to build him a dog house because he's too old to walk up the stairs. So now he stays outside at night just in case.

"So, your mom told me what happened." I lean against the rail with my elbows and glace over at him. He's getting tall, and I don't like it. He'll always be my little boy or whatever, but now he doesn't look like it. What happened to the little kid that used to play with little green soldiers in the house plants? What happened to my little buddy that I'd steal chocolate with and eat it all before Buffy got home? He's growin up, and I don't like it. Ok, silver lining? When he moves out of the house I can turn his bedroom into a game room. Yeah, that'll be sweet. "I know she already said this, but it's normal to want to do stuff like that. But you're not old enough yet, alright? You're only thirteen." He sighs and starts pickin at the rail.

"Ok, I said what I'm supposed to say, now listen to this: the next time you do somethin like that with a girl, do it somewhere else. Not some place where your mom can walk in on you. And don't expect a girl to do that just because you want her to. If things get a little…heated then suggest it, but if she says no then you drop it, ok? Don't turn into some fuckin perv." He nods his head and lets out a little sigh. See? I am so the cooler mom. "I'm not givin you permission or anything, just a little advice for when you're older. Keep the kissin, above the neck and the touchin above the waist, 'cause if I find out you were doin anything else your ass will be grounded for three months. You got that?" He nods his head and his shoulders still look a little tense. If he were just a couple years older I'd let him have a drink of my beer. But he's too young for that shit.

"Good, now get to bed. We're going grocery shopping tomorrow and I wanna leave early. If we get it done before I get a headache then we'll get something to eat at PJ's." I give his shoulders a little squeeze and he doesn't look as tense now. Probably because we're off a very uncomfortable subject. I take deep breath and just stare up at the sky. There're a lot of stars out tonight. I think I'll stay out here. It gets pretty cool here at night, and I like the feeling. It's always so fuckin hot in the day, and sometimes it's so hot you're just mad 'cause there's nothing you can do about it, you know? I don't think I'm makin any damn sense, and I've only had one of these. Maybe I should lay off 'em tonight. I don't wanna get drunk or anything. Maybe get a nice buzz goin, but definitely not drunk. I have to go shopping with B and the kids 'cause she can't handle all three of 'em on her own in public. They can be monsters, you have no idea.

I hear the door open and I smile a little bit. I was wonderin how long it was gonna take her to come out here with me. I sigh a little when I feel her wrap her arms around me, and she rests her hands on my stomach. She puts her chin on my shoulder, and this feels really fuckin nice. I told you, I love just having her against me. Her head on my shoulder, putting little kisses on my neck. She's doin that now, in case you were wondering. It probably won't lead to anything. It rarely ever does. This is just what we do at night after the kids go to bed. Sometimes we talk, but mostly we just sit either in the quiet, or watchin TV. Doesn't really matter if the TV is on 'cause we don't really pay attention to it. We're too busy just…baskin, I guess is the word. Yeah, just baskin in each other, or whatever. I know that sounds a little girly but whatever.

"So, what did you tell him?" she asks and puts a little kiss on my ear. Yeah, 'cause that's what I really want to talk about right now. I guess it doesn't really matter. I don't want to talk about anything else either. I was kinda liking the silence. It's pretty out here, all nice and quiet and it feels like we're completely alone. Like there aren't three kids in the house and a bunch of nosey neighbors surroundin us. Words will definitely ruin that. But she wants to know so I'll tell her. I take another swig of beer first, and flex my fingers a little bit. I like the cool feeling against my hand. I don't know what it is exactly about it that I like, but I like it. Guess it's hard to explain. Alright, enough stallin. I'll talk now since she wants to.

"Told him to keep the kissin above the neck or he'll be grounded for three months. It's kinda crazy, right? I mean, when I was his age all I wanted was be a grown up. I wanted to be older so I could do what the cool kids were doing. Now here they are doin the same thing. 'Cept I never went down on thirteen-year-old. That was totally lame. If she's gonna go down on a guy he should at least be a year older then she is. That's what all the cool girls do, right?" I was just bein sarcastic. Well, mostly. There are a lot of girls out there who think if they fool around with older boys it makes them cool. They're totally fuckin wrong though. All it's gonna do is make the other girls hate 'em, and the boys will just use 'em.

"She's a bad influence on him. She should really be dating someone her own age." Oh God, not this shit again. I hate it when Buffy brings this up. She's so fuckin insane when it comes to Ashley. She's only a year older then him, she needs to get a grip. She's two years older then I am, and you don't see her complaining. But then again when you're older two years doesn't really make that much of a difference. In high school it means something. Juniors don't hang out with freshmen. At least not on purpose. Every once in a while there'll be a freshmen who's all mature and seems older then they are, and the older kids will hang out with them.

"She is not. Buffy, he's a thirteen-year-old boy. Now that he's hit puberty he's gonna fool around with any girl who's willing to. Are you forgetting about what happened at that hotel in Monterey? He looks older then thirteen and he has my genes so girls think he's a total hottie." I hear her chuckle a little bit. I can feel it too since her body is pressed right against mine. "Once he gets in high school he's probably gonna be dating girls older then him just because he looks a little older. And he does act older, you know, he's more mature then kids his age. I think this whole 'him being a slayer' thing has really changed him. I think him not havin a dad has something to do with it." This has been bothering me for a while. I feel B gently rub my stomach and I know that's her silent way of askin me to continue. "It's like he wants to be the man of the house 'cause he's the oldest boy. Maybe Sunday I should talk to him about it. Let him know who's boss."

"He knows that we're in charge. But I think you're right about him wanting to be the man of the house. He's always been more mature, and I think that's why. Maybe being a slayer has something to do with it. That primal side of us is always telling us to be the dominate one. The dominating boys definitely get all of the girls." I chuckle a little bit 'cause I know it's true. I think Mattie's basketball skills have somethin to do with it too. When he plays he doesn't just win he wipes the floor with the other team. When he gets in high school that's going to really mean something. Especially now that he's playin football. Yeah, it's September already. The kids started school while I was in that other world, which totally fuckin sucks. I missed their first days. Addy's in first grade now, and Mattie's an eighth grader. Only one more year and he'll be in high school. That's a fuckin scary thought.

"So how bad did you react when you walked in and saw Ashley goin down on him?" I ask with a playful little grin on my face. I hear her groan and she shakes her head a little bit. "That bad, huh? So will she be comin around here any time soon or did you scare her off for good?" Ashley knows that Buffy doesn't like her. She would be completely stupid if she didn't pick up on the vibes that B sends out whenever she's around. Plus Buffy has this whole glaring thing that she does and it's a little creepy. I guess it doesn't really matter. Ashley's in high school now. I'm sure their relationship will end soon. When you're in school lunch and recess are really the only times you get to hang out. "Let's just look at it this way: by the time we have to worry about Addy's teenage hormones Matt will already be in college. It's not like we have to deal with two at the same time." I take another long drink of beer.

"Well, at least not until Joseph turns thirteen." Fuck, I forgot all about him. Damn, that's really going to suck. Living in the same house with two hormonal teenage slayers. Not only that but one's a boy and the other's a girl. We'll be dealing with bitchiness because she doesn't have the right clothes, or because her hair won't do what she wants it too. And then we'll be dealin with Joey chasin after every girl in Lincoln, just like I know Mattie is going to. Both of them will be moody, and freaking out because they can't get dates for the dance, or just because it's a Friday night. I have a serious feeling Addy is gonna be one of those girls who has to go out every Friday night with her friends. Buffy was the same way, and Addy definitely takes after her. And both kids are half her. My God. We'll be lucky if we make it out alive.

BPOV

The kids were surprisingly good today while we were grocery shopping. They normally hate doing that. Joseph gets bored and then he gets cranky, Matthew is a brat because he hates shopping for anything but CDs and video games, but Addison is always a little angel because she's just like me. She loves to shop. I know she'd rather be shopping for toys, but she likes the attention of being my little helper. I always make a list of what we need and I'll stand by the cart and point to the thing on the self that I need, and Addy will run get it. She definitely loves the attention. I think she gets that part from Faith. Ok, so she probably gets it from both of us since I'm pretty guilty when it comes to that. I got a lot better once I became the slayer because I wasn't allowed to have friends, but until then I was a major drama queen.

Right now we're at Lee's Chinese Palace. We already unloaded all our food at home so nothing is rotting in the car. I know Faith promised the kids PJ's but they were so good that I thought it would be better if we went to the more expensive and definitely more liked Chinese place. We don't go here much because of the price so it makes it that much better when we decide to indulge a little. And what better way to indulge then to get almost two of everything on the menu? 'Cause I really can't think of a better way. The people here know us pretty well, and they know that we're going to eat almost everything. The Chow Mein sometimes doesn't get eaten all the way but once you run out of noodles to mix it in with it's pretty pointless and gross looking. Anyway, like I was saying, since the people know us and they know we're going to eat everything they don't charge us full price. They're pretty awesome like that.

"So Addy," Faith says around a big bite of fried rice. I really wish she wouldn't eat with her mouth full. I give her a little glare and she knows exactly what I'm not saying. She just rolls her eyes and focuses her attention on our girl. And she wonders why the kids have such bad table manners. All they have to do is look at Faith and see her doing it. And kids mimic their parents when it comes to stuff like this. "Do you like bein in the first grade?" Oh, that's right, I forgot to mention that. I've been freaking out a lot about Matthew getting older and growing up that I forgot that my little girl is getting older. Back in August, on the 26th to be exact, the kids started school. Matthew's in the eighth grade now, and Addison is in first grade. They're growing up just a little too fast for me.

"Yeah," Addison says and then swallows the chewed up bite of egg roll. You see, what did I say? She's acting just like Faith right now. If we weren't out in public I would scold them both. But we are in public and people would definitely be able to hear me. Especially since there's a couple sitting in the booth behind us. They haven't said anything in a long time and I'm sure they can hear every word we're saying right now. "I get to go on the swings now 'cause I'm a first grader. Kindergarteners don't get ta do that 'cause they're too small. They have to play in the little playground, but I get to play in the big playground now. With all the big kids an' everything." Yep, it's just like a Pampers commercial. She's a big kid now.

"That's cool," Faith says and takes a sip of her soda. "Do you like your teacher?" I didn't like her teacher last year. That woman was so fucking patronizing. And I'm not talking about to the kids. I'm talking about to me. At the back to school night, and the parent teacher meetings she was such a bitch right to my face. I wanted to smack her, but I couldn't because I would've gotten arrested. I understood what she was saying. Addison was being a little bit of a bully to some of the other kids because they wanted to play with Brad when she was playing with Brad, but the way she said it….She made it sound like my daughter is some crazy psycho girlfriend who never leaves Brad alone. But it doesn't matter now because Addison's going to be in a different class with a different teacher.

"I don't know. She's not as nice as Mrs. West was. She was really nice." Ok so it was just me who thought she was mean. Hey, she acted like my baby girl is some jealous psycho girlfriend, and she's not. She's not even old enough to date yet. She just wanted to play with Brad, and they were playing a game that only two people can play. The last time I checked that doesn't make someone a jealous psycho. "An' Monica's in my class too." Aw, I forgot to mention her. Last year Monica was Addison's best friend. Apparently they did almost everything together. When Addison wasn't playing with Brad then she was playing with Monica, and all three of them usually played together. Kind of like in school when Willow and I were best friends with Xander. Only we're talking about five year olds who don't kill demons in their spare time.

"Mommy, I go to school too," Joseph says and takes a bite of shrimp. He's the youngest and out of all of us, even me, he has the best table manners. He doesn't even wipe his hands on his clothes like all little kids do. If he doesn't have a napkin to wipe them on then he asks for one very nicely. I don't know how I lucked out with this one but I did and I'm very grateful for that. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get sweet and sour sauce out of clothes? Yeah, now you know why I get a little irritated when they don't use their napkins. Anyway, Joseph is in daycare because there's no way Faith and I could both work the way we do and have him not be in daycare. But we don't call it daycare, we call it school. That way when he starts kindergarten things won't be too different.

"I know you do," I say and give him a little smile. Even though he's way better when it comes to being a brat, he still wants my approval on almost everything. Faith was totally right, things are better since I stopped babying him. He actually plays with Addison instead of constantly whining for my attention, and instead of coming into my bedroom to cuddle with me he stays in his room. I actually get to sleep all through the night now, without him waking me up because he's needy. Not only that but I get to have sex with my wife without being interrupted. Trust me, it sucks being interrupted by a three-year-old. It makes me feel like a perv. I have no idea why, it just does. It's not like we're having sex in his room while he's in there. That would be wrong on so many levels.

"You guys are comin to my next game, right?" Matthew asks and I can't help but get a little sad. We missed his very first game. It was during the whole crazy time when Faith was in that other dimension. My mind got so one tracked I forgot about everything else. I don't even remember signing the papers saying he could play. He wants to play football so bad, but I don't think it's safe. He could really hurt someone. When you play sports it's just like slaying. You get into it and everything else just kind of fades away, and all you can focus on is not letting the vamp get away. Or in this case the receiver who's trying to make a touchdown. Yes, I know what that is. I've been with Faith for many years now so I know a little about sports. Anyway, he could be running after the receiver and get all focusey just like slayers do when they're chasing after a vampire and he could really hurt him. But he's my son, and I'll support him if this is what he really wanted to do.

"Of course we are," I say a little more seriously then I wanted to. I don't want to turn this into a tearjerker moment. Even though it kind of is in my mind. "We're not going to miss another game, I promise. We wouldn't have missed your first one if things weren't so crazy at the time." I'm seriously starting to think he got one of the girls to forge my signature. Don't you have to fill out medical insurance papers when your kid signs up for a sport? Because I think you do, and there's no way I wouldn't remember doing that. And he would've had to get a physical, so when did he go to the doctor? All of this is bothering me but I'm not going to bring it up now. I give him a sweet smile but he just rolls his eyes a little bit. Ok, so I think I overdid it just a little bit.

"Mom, don't get all after-school-special, ok? It was just a question." Faith nudges him with her shoulder, and she glares at him when he looks at her. I guess her mouth is too full for her to even try to talk. Wow, it's a miracle, I never thought I'd see the day Faith's mouth was too stuffed for her to eat and talk at the same time. Anyway, he gets a little bashful look on his face and he looks over at me. Awww, even if he's starting to get all grown up he's still my little baby. "Sorry. It's just not a big deal." He looks down at his place and he looks a little embarrassed. To him it's a huge fucking deal. He doesn't want to show it though, and he's embarrassed that he got a little mean trying to cover it up.

"'Course it's a big deal," Faith says when she finally swallows that bite. I heard it go down her throat too. She put way too much in her mouth. I'm surprised she didn't choke. She looks over at him with a smile on her face. She doesn't get this smile a lot in front of a bunch of other people just because we're usually never around a lot of people when she gets them. Anyway, it's one of those proud smiles that only a parent can get. She's so crazy proud of him you have no idea. He's a better man already then most of the guys she's known, and that's mostly because of her. I'm his mother, it's my job to baby him, and treat him like a little prince. But Faith is different. Faith is his mama. She took it upon herself to raise him to be a good man. Someone who will make a great husband one day, and we can already tell she's doing a good job. "I wanna see my boy kick some ass." Addison gasps, and Joseph laughs a little.

"Mama, you said ass," Addison says and I can't help but laugh. She's just so funny sometimes. It's not so much what she said, but the way she said it and the look on her face. I swear, Addison thinks swearing is like the biggest sin ever. Every time she hears someone say a cuss word she makes a big deal about it. Even if she doesn't know them. She's not as shy as she used to be and that scares the hell out of me. I never know if she's going to walk up to someone and tell them off for saying shit when they drop something and then that person will lose their temper and hurt her or something. Or maybe even kidnap her. There are a lot of sick men out there who do twisted things to little girls. I don't even want to imagine any of it so I'm going to stop thinking about it now.

"We need more batteries for the camera. And maybe while we're at the store we should get another memory card. The one we have only holds seven hundred. I don't think that's going to be enough." I know I said that him playing football scares the hell out of me, but whenever we see him play any kind of sport we get really into it. We cheer on as loud as we can from the bleachers, and we take lots of pictures and Faith holds the camcorder. Apparently she's better at jumping up and down and still keeping the camcorder somewhat still. If I jump up and down while I'm trying to record it looks like there's an earthquake. Anyway, Faith gives me a little look because she knows I was being dead serious. You should see how many pictures we have of his baseball and basketball games. He started playing those in the fifth grade so we have albums full of him. I like the basketball ones the best because you can really see the determination to win.

"Ok, ok we'll just stop and get batteries," I say when Faith gives me another little look. I guess she actually wanted a response and not just a roll of the eyes. "But as your mother I reserve my right to tell everyone I come into contact with at the game that my son's the quarterback." Anyway, like I was saying, I liked going to the basketball games better. Much faster paced, a way better vibe from the crowd, and they actually had cheerleaders for halftime. In baseball all you do is stand around and wait for stuff to happen. But in basketball they have to do all the work. And Matthew was the start player on every team. In fifth and sixth grade they didn't have captains or anything and all of the kids were given the chance to play to make it fair, because that's how it should be. But in seventh grade my son was the captain of the team. I don't know if baseball has captains but if they do then he was that too. "But don't forget my rule, alright?"

"Ok," he says and starts shoveling more food on his plate. He's going back for seconds, which is not surprising. He'll probably eat more then all of us. Anyway, I have a rule when it comes to the sports. Because he's so good at athletics because of the slayer strength, and speed, and stamina I have a rule that he can't be the absolute best at everything he does. He can be better by a little bit, and just so it's noticeable but if he starts showing off and doing way better then everyone else where people start to suspect something then he has to quit. That's the rule, and he knows I'll make him quit the team if he breaks it even once. I don't want any of this going to his head. But I'm not worried. Faith and I have done a pretty good job raising him and he knows not to get cocky.

"Can I go to Brother's game too?" Addison asks and takes another bite of sweet and sour chicken. Aww, crap. The sauce just dripped from her chin to her shirt. Great. It's going to be hell getting that stain out. Good thing she's not in her school clothes or I'd be having a panic attack right now. I think it's a little weird that Addison still calls Matthew 'brother' instead of calling him by his name. Joseph used to call Addison 'sister' but that was before he learned her name. Before that we would tell him 'that's your sister' or 'go give the toy to sissy'. But a little after he turned three he started calling her Addison. Well, he pronounces it Ad-ee-sun. And it's the cutest damn thing to hear when he's irritated with her.

"No, Addison, you can't." She looks so sad now. I hate saying no to her when she just wants to see how cool her big brother is. "I'm sorry, baby, but there's going to be too many adults and teenagers. There's no place for first graders at a football game. Maybe when you're a little older you can go, ok?" She nods her head yes and I'm very surprised that she's not arguing with me right now. "Mama's going to record the game, and we'll play it on the big screen and watch it. All of us. And we'll have a little pizza party if Matthew's team wins." Oh yeah, that cheered her up. I can already see the little wheels inside her head turning as she thinks…whatever it is that she's thinking right now.

"Can we have balloons?" Great, so she wants to plan it all herself. I should've guessed that. She likes planning things out, which is a little weird since both Faith and I hate it. But sit Addison down with some paper and a pen and she'll have a list of things that need to be done around the house. And no I'm not kidding. She helps me write the grocery list, which is pretty sad. When you need your six-year-old to help you stay focused on making a list you definitely have some type of mental disorder. I call it chronic-boredom-syndrome.

"Well, maybe. I don't know. We'll have to wait and see if Matthew's team wins or not." I give him a little wink and he just smiles. We have a deal that we made when he first started playing sports. Two or three games out of the season Matthew will play like he's just a normal kid. He pulls way back in his performance and even if it's a little frustrating for him he does it. I have him do this because the coaches can get a little…greedy, I guess is a good word for it. They expect my son to take their teams to victory when all of that pressure shouldn't be placed on him because he's just a kid. So every once in a while I'll have him hold back, and it definitely shows.

"Mom, we shouldn't wait ta plan it. Brother might win, and if he wins then we need to be ready." I guess she's sort of right. Ok, she's very right. But I never said we were going to have the pizza party the same night as Matthew's game. He might want to relax a little bit. Nah, he'll probably just hang out with Lucas and celebrate by playing video games and watching R rated movies. "Ok, we need balloons, and pizza, and soda, and chips, and dip, and can we have a cake?" I give her a little 'hell no' type of look. "Ok no cake. Can we have ice cream?" Hmm, ice cream sounds like a good idea. I nod my head and take another bite of Chow Mein and noodles. "We should fast forward the half time part 'cause it's boring. Who likes watching girls jump up and down?" Faith and I instantly lock eyes and we're giving each other some little smirks. Apparently before she dropped out of school Faith ate out almost the entire cheerleading team at her school. Not all at the same time though.

"Addy, why don't you finish your lunch? It's probably gettin cold. We'll make a list of stuff when we get home, ok?" Aw, yes why didn't I think of that? Probably because I was too busy trying not to laugh. Faith has a thing for cheerleaders. There's no doubt about that. It's one of the main reasons why she watches basketball on the big screen. At halftime she likes to watch the hotties come out and strut their stuff. And sometimes I do it too. Come on, I'm only human, right? And that's why they're there for sexual appeal. "I'll have to ask my dad to watch the kids for us that day." The game is this coming Thursday. Yeah, all of his games are on Thursdays which is totally retarded. It's going to be a little hard to keep the promise I made to not miss any games, but I'm going to keep it. Anyway, I know what Faith means by 'ask my dad to watch the kids'. That's code for 'I'm going to go over to my dad's for five hours and get drunk on whiskey'.

"Ok, just don't be gone a really long time like you did last time." The last time she asked her dad a favor she was gone for seven hours and the kids almost tore apart the house while I was making dinner. And I was making a special dinner because I felt like it. No real reason, I just felt like doing something special for my family, special for Faith. And she didn't get home until ten at night when the house was destroyed, and the food was cold and mostly gone. I saved her a plate but it definitely wasn't good heated up in the microwave. I heard her complaining but one glare shut her up real quick. Anyway, I don't mind that Faith spends a lot of time with her dad because they missed out on a lot. Thinking about it almost makes me determined to not let anything slip by me, you know? I don't want to miss any games, or any school functions like plays, or back to school nights or science fairs. Seeing them doing stuff like that makes me even prouder then I normally am.


	77. We Haven't Changed So Much After All

_I've made it pretty clear who the inter is, but I wanna see if you guys can remember that far back. And no cheating. Also, that abundant amount of internet I was supposed to have got smacked down when the stupid company sent us a broke router. So now my brother-in-law has to send it back to get a new one and he's really flakey so it'll be a while. What I'm babbling on about is I won't be updating as often as I promised. Sorry._

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**One Week Later.** DPOV

I've missed this so much. You have no idea. Tonight was possibly the most perfect night in the entire world. Well, for me at least. Now that Faith, and Willow are home I finally went out on a date with Eric, the cute delivery guy. And he looks even hotter in slacks and a button down red shirt then he does in his uniform. Anyway, he picked me up at eight and took me out to dinner. The conversation was nice. He talked a little more then I did, which is fine by me. He's so funny, and he had me laughing so hard I almost cried a couple of times. But that would've ruined my makeup so I forced myself to get a little control over the tears. When it was my turn to talk he listened to what I had to say instead of just pretending. I've learned to tell the difference. Some people are better at pretending then others, but I could just tell he wasn't.

After dinner we went to the movies. I was a little nervous at first. It's been a very long time since I've dated anyone, and I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't know if I should hold his hand, or wait for him to make the first move. The only time we touched during the movie was when we would reach for the popcorn at the same time. He was the perfect gentleman. Throwing out all the trash, and opening doors for me. The normal gentlemanly stuff that a lot of guys don't do anymore. I don't really blame guys for that though. Chivalry is dead and feminists killed it. A guy doesn't know if he's going to get a polite smile and a thank you for opening a door, or a large rant about how women are just as equal as men. But Eric wasn't afraid to do any of that stuff for me.

On the walk back to the car he reached over and gently touched the side of my hand with his fingertips. When it first happened I didn't know if it was an accident or not. But when he did it again I knew he was trying to hold onto my hand. So I slowly put my hand into his and we entwined our fingers together. We held hands on the walk to the car, in the car, and when he walked me to the door. We had been talking the entire drive back to the house. Mostly about the movie and how it wasn't bad, but it wasn't that good either. We walked in silence though until we reached my front door. The porch light was on so we weren't standing there in complete darkness or anything. We were just looking into each other's eyes, and he started to look a little nervous. I knew what was coming next, and I almost squealed when I saw him leaning towards me.

I didn't squeal though, 'cause how embarrassing would that be? Very embarrassing, that's how much. Anyway, our first kiss was sweet, and soft and his lips felt so good against mine. I didn't want it to end, but then he pulled back. He looked into my eyes again with this look on his face like 'Do you want me to do it again?' And I definitely wanted more. We made out for a little while on the porch, and I don't know exactly when it happened but at some point I was pressed up against the wall. I don't know how long we were like that before he thought it would be a good idea to end things before they went too far. I kissed him again, and took him by the hand. Without saying a word I unlocked the door, and led him into the house. Before he could question me on any of it, I told him that I wanted him, and that tomorrow I won't have any regrets.

And right now we are basking in the afterglow of some of the best sex I've ever had. Or maybe it just seemed great because I haven't had it in a long time? God, it really doesn't matter. I look over at him and I know I have a big goofy smile on my face. We haven't made any noise in the last ten minutes. We've just been lying here in a comfortable silence. His hand is resting on my stomach, and he's gently rubbing his thumb back and forth. It's very soothing, and I don't want him to stop. I lean over and kiss him on the lips. Just a little peck, and he reciprocates right away. It doesn't deepen or anything, though. I really don't think I could go again even if I wanted to. I'm completely spent, and loving every second of it. By the look on his face I'd say he's pretty happy too.

"Good date?" he asks with a little smirk on his face. I can't help but giggle a little bit. Yeah, I giggled like a little school girl or something. I've been doing that all night. I don't know why really. I guess he just makes me feel like a little high schooler again. Which isn't exactly bad or anything. I've had more fun tonight then I've had in a really long time. And it isn't just because of the sex. Sure that was great, and mind blowing, and I really needed it. But if we hadn't slept together tonight would still have been one of the best dates I've ever had. Probably the best one. I never thought I'd have that much fun on a first date. First dates are usually pretty awkward, at least they are for me. Although I haven't been on a lot. The ones I have been on were a little tense.

"Dawn." Ok, his voice just turned serious. I wonder what the problem is. "Do you want me to go?" And here comes the part I didn't want to think about. I told Buffy that Eric was pretty much just a boy toy. But now that we've been out and I've seen how great of a guy he is I really don't want him to go. There's so much to consider though. Am I ready to date again? Do I even want a boyfriend? Does he want to be my boyfriend or does he just want more sex? I don't get why this is so hard. I planned on sleeping with him once and then going back to being friends who sometimes flirt. Now I don't know what I want to do. Why do things always have to be so damn complicated? "Dawn?" Ok, ok, jeez keep your pants on. Well, he doesn't have any pants on, but whatever.

"No, I don't. Will you stay with me tonight?" I didn't mean to sound that desperate, but I did and there's nothing I can do about it now. He smiles a little, and pulls me closer to him. I press my body up against his, and he gives me a little kiss on my temple. I've missed this so much. Falling asleep alone has always been one of the hardest things for me to do. I've missed falling asleep in someone's arms, and waking up next to them. Like I told my sister, late at night and early in the morning are two of the loneliest times for me. I didn't plan on having him spend the night, and yes I know I sound like a total slut, but I don't care. Anyway, I'm glad that he's staying, even though this is probably going to complicate things more then they were going to be already. But I'm not going to worry about that right now. I have tomorrow to worry. Right now I just want to be happy.

"Goodnight," he whispers. His breath tickles my neck and I smile as he gently places a little kiss on my warm skin. I whisper it back, and then everything is quiet. I listen to his breathing as it slows down, and gets a little deeper. Well, it didn't take him very long to fall asleep. But that's ok. It means I get to bask in this wonderful feeling and I don't have to think of something to say. I don't really talk a lot after sex. Sometimes if I'm in the mood to afterwards I will, but right now isn't one of those times. No, right now I'm going to memorize every little thing about this moment. What it feels like to have strong arms wrapped around me, the sound of his rhythmic breathing, but most of all this feeling of contentment. Maybe if I can memorize them, then tomorrow night when I fall asleep alone I want feel so lonely.

No, I don't wanna wake up yet. I was having a really good dream. I was on a beach somewhere, sitting in a lounge chair in a bikini, and two really hot, totally ripped guys were serving me drinks. Why do all good dreams have to end before anything really good happens, and yet really bad stuff happens in nightmares before you wake up? I know, it's really lame. Besides, it's too early to be awake. I don't know what time it is, but it's too early for me to be up. And who is talking? Why are there people talking when I'm trying to sleep? Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, no! Now that I'm a little more awake I recognize the voices. One of them is Eric, and the other one is Nick. This is bad on so many levels. The biggest one would have to be that I never told Eric that I have kids. I'm pretty sure they don't know I'm awake, and I really need to hear what's being said.

"But why are you in my mommy's bed?" Nick asked and he sounds so confused. I can totally picture the look on his face. His nose slightly scrunched and his eyebrows all furrowed together. And the use of the word 'but' means they've been talking for a little bit. Knowing Nick he's probably interrogating this guy. I know he's only three, but I swear he's going to grow up to be a cop or something. I guess that would be pretty cool if that's something he wants to do. But that so isn't the point. I think the thing we should be focusing on is how Eric is going to explain this to my three-year-old son.

"Well, uh," he says and then stops making any noise. He sounds so nervous. Maybe I should 'wake up' and go have Nick play in the other room or something. "Sometimes grown ups have special friends, and they let their special friends sleep in their beds. I'm just your mommy's special friend." I really, really want to laugh at that but I know I can't. It'll ruin the whole spying thing. Besides I want to see how Nick is going to react to that. One thing about my boy's is that neither one of them are stupid. They are only three so they don't know what sex is yet, but they're definitely not stupid.

"So you're my mommy's special friend?" Another thing about little kids is they'll repeat what you say and turn it into a question. It gets really annoying very fast, but Eric is a pretty patient guy. I don't know how he feels about children, the subject never came up last night, but he's definitely patient. Anyway, I guess Eric just nodded his head because Nick moves on to a different subject. "Why don't you have clothes on?" I have to bite my lips to keep from smiling at that question. From what I can feel I'm completely covered up so I'm not worried about him seeing anything a little boy shouldn't see, but I guess Eric is only covered from the waist down. I wait to hear what he has to say about that, and after a few minutes of silence I get my answer.

"Hey, little man, why don't you wait for me in the hallway, and we'll make some breakfast. Do you want to do that?" Avoiding the question with the offer of food. I take it he has nephews or something. Oh God, what if he has kids too and we were lying to each other? Wait…that would actually be a good thing because then he wouldn't be able to get mad at me for not telling him that I'm a mom. But I don't like the fact that we were lying, if he has kids too that is. Then again I wasn't really planning on having a morning after. He wasn't supposed to spend the night. Why do I have to be such an emotional person? I just wish I could control them better then I do now. I blame my dad for abandoning us for his secretary.

I close my eyes when I feel him roll over in the bed. I can feel him staring at me and trust me when I say I really want to shiver right now. It's such an intense stare and I'm not even looking at it yet. I have no idea how I'm going to explain this to him. He probably thinks I'm a horrible person. I lied to him about something I should have been completely honest about because there's no reason for me to hide it. Ok, so I'll admit I thought that if he knew I'm a mom then he wouldn't want me. I could tell he wanted to ask about my stretch marks but he didn't, and I'm thankful for that. I guess he just assumed I was once really fat but then I lost a lot of wait, and he's about half right. I was really fat but not in a 'sitting on my ass all day eating nothing but Cheesy Poofs' because I don't even like Cheesy Poofs.

"Dawn," he says and gently shakes my shoulder. Wow, he's actually trying to wake me up. A part of me thought he was going to sneak out quietly and never talk to me again. I'm not sure if I should be happy about this or not. "Dawn, wake up." He shakes me a little harder. Ok, I guess it's time for me to 'wake up' because there's no way the sleeping me would be able to sleep through all this shaking. I very slowly flutter my eyes open. I have to pretend like nothing is wrong. I have to act all girly and sweet, and maybe even flirt a little bit. Yeah, I should definitely flirt. Especially now that I know how damn good looking he is in the morning. I probably look like something the cat dragged in or something.

"Good morning," I practically purr. I lean forward and give him a little kiss on the lips. He lets me kiss him but he doesn't reciprocate. Ok, so he isn't completely fine with the fact that I didn't tell him about my kids, which is totally understandable. I just really hope he isn't going to freak out on me. I don't want get into a fight with him or anything, and I don't want things to be weird between us. We have to see each other a lot because he's the delivery guy at my work. Anyway, I pull back from the kiss and look into his eyes. He looks a little mad, but mostly confuse. Hopefully the mad stays down. "Something wrong?" I'm supposed to act stupid, remember?

"Why didn't you tell me you have a kid?" Surprisingly he doesn't sound mad. He sounds just as confused as he looks, but not mad. I wonder how long that's going to last. At this point honesty would definitely be the best policy. I'm not going to tell him that I used him for a night of meaningless sex, because nobody wants to hear that. But I am going to tell him why he didn't know about the boys. He deserves that much. I sit up a little bit and lean against the headboard. I have a feeling this might be a long conversation and I want to be comfortable.

"Actually I have two. Twins, Nick and Alex. And I didn't tell you because I was afraid if you knew that I'm a mom then you wouldn't want to go out with me. A lot of guys out there don't want to date a single mom. I really like you and I just wanted to have a good time." I can't tell what he's thinking and I don't like that. He has a very expressive face so I can usually tell what he's feeling, but now I don't have a clue. "Are you mad at me? Because I would totally understand if you were. You have very right to be. I lied to you about something that I should've been honest about from the beginning. I'll understand if you never want to talk to me again." He gets a little smirk on his face, and it makes me feel a little better. Maybe he doesn't hate me after all.

"I'm a little mad, but I get it. I know a lot of guys like that. But I'm not like that. If I really like the girl it doesn't matter if she has some kids, or lots of cats, or two different colored eyes." He's trying to make me smile and it's working. So he likes me? That might be a little bit of a problem. See, I'm not exactly sure if I want to see him again or not. Why do things have to be so complicated? I can't just go out with a guy and have some fun. No, I have to have spectacular sex with him and then develop feelings the next morning. Why do women have to be so damn clingy? What is it in our brains that prevents us from having emotionless sex? Because I'm really mad at it right now. "I told one of your kids I'd make some breakfast so you just wait here and I'll bring you some food." I smile and lean over and give him a kiss. This one he does reciprocate and I do a little happy dance on the inside.

"That sounds nice. And just to let you know there's a slight possibility that my sister is out there, or will be soon if she's still sleeping. She might've gone home after we got back, but she still thinks I'm fifteen or something so she might try to intimidate you." What? Did you really think I'd leave my kids alone while I went out on a date? No, I asked Buffy to watch them for me. I really hope she left. I don't want her getting all protective and do something stupid. Just because I'm not sure if I want a relationship with him that doesn't mean I want him to know what it means to have your ass handed to you by a slayer. Anyway, he leaves a little kiss on my lips and gets out of bed. I can't help but stare at him and I get a little smirk on my face.

"Don't worry about it. You just relax, and I'll be back bearing breakfast." I have to admit the thought of that is very, very nice. Eric isn't so bad. I mean, he did give me one of the best nights of my life. He was perfect at everything, and so far he's been nothing but great. He always makes sure to deliver the materials just a little earlier then we scheduled because he knows how crazy things can get at my company, and we're always running a little behind. Whenever I'm really stressed and freaking out that we're not going to make a deadline just seeing him walking through the door with very large rolls of fabric can calm me down. I'm starting think I was wrong before. Maybe having an actual boyfriend won't be so bad after all. Then again this is going to create a lot of gossip at work. Maybe we should just keep this to ourselves.

FPOV

Alright, so here's what's been goin down in the last week. Day before yesterday we went to Mattie's football game and my boy kicked ass. I recorded everything with the video camera and B took a lot of pictures. They killed the other team 14-6, and Mattie threw the ball perfect every time, he made six interceptions, and tackled a bunch of people. Even people he didn't really need to tackle. If they got in his way they were goin down. It was so fuckin awesome. I've never been prouder of my boy then I was then. We sat pretty close to the field and I know he could hear me and B cheering him on. His slayer hearing is very sensitive, so there's no doubt in my mind that he heard us. He was just ignoring us. We were probably embarrassing him since we were the loudest parents at the game.

Buffy kept her word and told everyone she talked to, which was just about everyone at the game, that her son is the quarterback. Once she got a little bored with that, she started talking to Rachel, Lucas' mom. Apparently he's on the team too, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was too busy keepin an eye on Mattie. We did have the pizza party on Friday night, just like B promised. We had four different kinds of pizza, chips, dips, sodas, three different kinds of ice bream, and a bunch of balloons. Addy and Joey had fun popping those. Joey is such a little wuss though. He'd grad a balloon and squeeze until it'd pop, and it scared him every time. He must've popped ten or twelve balloons, and every time he'd jump a little and almost start cryin. Watching him do it was fuckin hilarious, and yes I got it all on film.

Anyway, the kid stuff isn't the only shit that happened this week. Giles called and talked to me. Told me how glad he was that they finally got me back. I promised that we'd visit him soon, but I think he took it with a grain of salt. We are goin to Ohio in November but I'm the only one who knows it. Anyway, he also called because the group of girls that I'm going to be training is ready to come to Lincoln. He said he delayed the departure so I could have some time with my family after being away from them for what felt like forever. That call took place on Wednesday. It's now Sunday and I'm standing at the Las Vegas airport waiting for a group of girls to hurry the fuck up and get here. According to the arrival board thing, the plane should have landed twenty minutes ago. I've been here for thirty-five. He isn't just sending the group that needs special attention. There's an intern that's coming with them to live in the apartment building and keep an eye on them while I'm away.

I don't have a problem with that. I think it's pretty smart. This way they'll have a harder time sneaking out for alcohol and boys. I just wish they'd get here. I spent along time yesterday cleaning up all of the rooms and putting fresh sheets on all the beds and restock the refrigerators. I don't think we're going to do any training today. I'm going to take them to the apartments, show them what rooms they'll be staying in, and then give them a tour of the town. Giles didn't say who the intern is. All she said was she's twenty-two and she's the student who's shown the most improvement ever. I've been tryin to think of who it could be but there have been so many slayers at that school and most of the I've never met. I felt like we needed to get more involved with the school 'cause for the longest time we never did anything. So this is me waiting at the airport, being more involved.

Giles did tell me the names of the girls comin here for the school year. One of 'em is a freshman even though I requested sophomores and juniors only. But I guess it doesn't really matter. One freshman isn't going to hurt. Anyway, there are seven girls coming here to be trained. One of 'em is Georgia Serra, the girl that helped with the research party. She's fifteen, a sophomore, and pretty good at studying, but apparently she's having a hard time with the physical stuff. I guess she just needs to learn to let loose and go with the flow. The freshman's name is Cristina Goodman. According to Giles she's a classic case of what happens when parents home school their kids. She doesn't know how to just be a kid, let alone a slayer so she's comin here so I can rip her out of her shell.

The juniors are: Michaela Brennan, Joy Lipski, Carmen Alverez, Shea McCormick, and Natasha Winter. He didn't tell me much about them. Just that they haven't improved much since freshman year and he wants to see if I can help. Of course I'll be able to help. You're lookin at one of the original slayers. If I can't teach these girls anything then I might as well retire. I am gonna know all about their background and stuff too so I can get a feel for 'em and know how to talk to them. Giles is sending over all of their personal files with the intern. It's buggin the fuck out of me that I don't know who she is. Who is the most improved student ever? I guess I'm gonna find out since a group of eight girls is walking towards me. I stand up from my seat and holy fucking shit. She's the most improved slayer in the history of the slayer school?

"Well, look at you all grown up. Damn, girl, you're lookin good," I say and give her a little friendly punch on the arm. She just smiles and shakes her head a little bit. She definitely looks different then the last time I saw her. Then again I saw her seven years ago so I'm sure I look different too. "I think I'm gonna have to steal that jacket from ya." It's a black leather jacket, and it looks brand new and fuckin expensive. I have one kinda like it but not as good as that one.

"You'll have to rip it off my cold dead body," she says with a small smile. I look around at the other girls and they're lookin at me with this look of awe. It feels good to be admired, I'll admit that. All they have are their carryons so I know they haven't hit the luggage pick up thing yet. I guess she's thinkin the same thing 'cause she turns to 'em and says, "Why don't you guys go get our bags? We'll be right over here." They nod their heads and walk off. I smile a little bit at the littlest one. She's definitely the freshman. She's looking around like she's never seen so many people in one place before. And from the way Giles talked it up she probably hasn't. "So, Faith, what have you been up to the last few years?" She sets down the small plastic crate and stretches her arms above her head. She's definitely different. More mature, a lot calmer, and more filled out.

"Oh you know, had another kid," she snorts a little at that, and I give her a mock glare that she completely ignores. I would've done the same thing. "Saw my dad for the first time since I was ten, opened up a bike shop with him, almost killed a guy for fuckin with my daughter's mind, and got kidnapped by some weird alternate universe. So, pretty much what I always do. Shit comes along and throws a wrench into things and I deal." Both of her eyebrows almost touch her hairline, and she chuckles a deep throaty laugh. Her laugh sounds really nice and it must be contagious 'cause I'm laughing a little too. Once I can breathe right I try to talk again. "You?" She picks up the plastic crate and I try to glance inside but there's cover over the front so I can't see what's in it. That's gonna bug me until I find out.

"Let's see, someone ran me over because they thought I was trying to break into their garage when all I did was stake a vamp. I got arrested for trespassing and the bastards put me away for a while 'cause of all the other shit on my record. It added up to eight months, but it wasn't that big of a deal. I got out a little early for good behavior, and that's always nice." I know she's talkin about juvie 'cause I've seen her police record and it's been sealed. "I fought off two apocalypses, almost died in the second one, I wore nothin but my birthday suit under the gown at graduation, and I've been doin this intern thing ever since." I laugh a little bit, and she starts up too. If you had asked me if we'd be this relaxed around each other I probably would've said no. I don't know her all that well, and when we did have a little 'get to know you' talk it wasn't very pleasant.

"Sounds about right," I say and glance over at the girls. They're still waiting for some of their luggage. Great, I hope we don't have to wait for a long time. I think the tour of the town is going to include going to Lee Chinese Palace and ordering three of everything. I'll have them charge it to Giles' account since it's for 'official school business'. Yep, as long as I got out with the girls I can do fun stuff and have Giles pay for it. He offered, that's all I'm sayin. And yes I'm more then willin to take advantage of his kindness. At least when it comes to feeding eight hungry and jet lagged slayers. "Can't say for sure if B's gonna be happy to see you or not, but it's good to have you here." She gives me a playful look and I think I know what's comin.

"What, are you goin all mushy on me now? Didn't we have a very long chat about you not being such a pussy all the time?" Yeah, even if I were blind I would've seen that coming. The other girls come back with all of their bags, and there aren't as much as I thought there was gonna be. Ok, there are eight girls and only seven suitcases. They're going to be living here until the end of December and all they have is seven suit cases? "Ok, time for the intros." I guess intros would be good since I don't really know who is who. "You already met Georgia, and this is Cristina." Yep, I was right. The tiny one is the freshman. And from the look on her face I'd say she has a critical case of hero worship. I shake her hand and give her a little wink. She blushes, and hides behind her dirty blonde hair.

"This is Shea, Joy, Carmen, Natasha and Michaela." Shea's the tallest of the juniors, and taller then me by about three inches. Natasha's about two inches shorter then Shea. She has this whole California girl thing goin on. You know, bottled blonde hair, fake baked skin, and really skinny. Someone needs to get this chick a sandwich before she drops dead. Anyway, Michaela's the same height as Natasha. If I had to guess I'd say she's half Chinese, and one of the hottest people I've ever seen. If I weren't married and she weren't underage I'd definitely buy a ticket for that ride. Carmen's next when it comes to tallness. She has this whole tough girl 'don't fuck with me' vibe goin on. Joy's the shortest of the juniors by about an inch. Even though she's short she looks like she can start some trouble.

"Well, it's nice to meetcha. I'm Faith, but I guess you already know that." I shake all of their hands, and they don't look as impressed as Cristina did. Well, I guess I'll have to change that. "Alright, if you guys are ready we can head over to the apartment building and I'll show you what rooms you'll be stayin in." They all nod and we head out to the parkin lot. I guess I forgot to mention that I rented a van for the day. There's no fuckin way I could've fit everyone into my Camero. This van is totally lame, but if fits everyone so I guess it's alright. I can already tell there's gonna be some problems between Michaela and Carmen. They fought like little kids for all the way to the car over who gets to ride shotgun. But the intern took ranks and hopped in the front seat while they weren't paying attention. I don't know what the fuck is up with them, maybe it's part of why Giles sent them here.

"Alright ladies, this is where you'll be living for the next two months. I've already talked to the principal at the high school and if you wanna go to the Halloween at the end of the month he said it's alright as long as you don't cause any trouble. I'd spike the punch if I was you. It's not like you're gonna get expelled, right?" They laugh a little bit, and they grab their bags from the back. I seriously wanna know how the hell they plan on living here with only one bag of stuff. I know I did that for a long time but that was out of need. It's not like I only wanted one duffle bag worth of clothes. "So what's the deal? Am I takin you guys shopping or something? No offense but when teenage girls go on a long trip they usually pack everything they own." All of 'em laugh a little bit, but only just a little. They're still tired from the trip. They'll be laughin their asses off at my jokes in no time. Anyway, it's the intern that explains.

"All of us packed four bags each, but the airport has this new thing about charging some huge ass fee if you have more then two bags, including the carryons. And you know how cheap Giles is. He did the math and figured out it would cost him less to send our bags by UPS. So they'll be here in a couple days. This is just the stuff we need and can't live without." I glance down at the plastic crate again, and I really wanna know what the fuck is in there that she can't live without. Then again, since it's plastic and has little air holes on the sides I'm guessin whatever's in there is alive. Maybe a little yappy ankle biter dog or something. Crate looks about the right size for one of those. Great, I probably should've said no dogs allowed. I'm sure she coulda found someone at the school to take care of it for her. Then again I hate goin places for a long time without my dogs. So I guess I can see where she's comin from. But if that little motherfucker bites me I'm bitin back.

"How the hell are we supposed to get dates for the party?" Joy asks as we start walking towards the building. I totally should've seen that one comin. These are teenage girls we're talkin about here. I roll my eyes a little bit and thankfully they didn't see or I might've gotten a bitch attack. Joy is definitely one girl you don't wanna fuck with, and I really don't feel like arguing with a seventeen year old. I'll have more of that then I can handle when Matt turns seventeen.

"Well I guess you guys will just have to go stud hunting later. A lot of the high schoolers hang out at the park, and they play football, and basketball. A bunch of the girls hang out to watch them so you might wanna be careful. This is a small town and people can be pretty mean to outsiders." That's for fuckin sure. When B and I first moved here we definitely weren't welcomed with open arms. Especially when we held hands in public. But now that we've been livin here for a long time people have calmed down. For the most part. A couple of people still give us shit when they see us but we ignore 'em. "And here comes the part when I lay down the rules." All of 'em but Cristina groan and roll their eyes. Oh yeah, this was such a good idea. Why did I wanna help out the troubled girls at the school? Oh yeah, to help out the slayer community. Next time I get a bright idea stop me from goin through with it, alright?

"There are no boys allowed in this building unless I say otherwise. If you're caught with a guy you'll be sent back to the school and someone else will take your place. That's Giles' rule so blame that one on him. Durin the week when we're not training and you're not doin your homework you can go out but you have to be back in this building by sunset. We'll meet up down here before we go on patrol." All of 'em look happy at the idea of patrolling. And hey, who wouldn't when I'm the one who'll be takin 'em? "On the weekends if all your work is done you can stay out until midnight. There're a couple all age clubs just outside of town I'm sure your intern won't mind takin you to." I give her a little wink and she just rolls her eyes. "And if you're thinkin about sneakin off with some guy or go some place you're not supposed to just remember I have the world's most powerful witch on speed dial. And she'll find your ass in a New York minute."

Some of 'em laugh, mostly me and the intern. I don't know what it is about her she just has this vibe or energy or something goin on. She's makin me feel like I used to before I had kids and had to grow up. I can tell we're definitely going to have some fun together. And by that I mean we're gonna go party at some of the clubs. Maybe I can get Red to watch the juniors while we're out or something. It isn't just that we're getting along so well but being around her is makin me all hyper. I haven't felt this hyper since I ate three huge cotton candies, five ice cream bars, seven caramel apples, and drank a forty-eight ounce Pepsi. The Adventure Dome is so sweet. We need to go there more often. Anyway, I show 'em around the building and all of 'em look like they can't wait to try out the training room. We have just about everything, and it's fuckin cool as hell. They're also really happy that they get their own rooms. At the school it's two girls to a room, but here they don't have to share.

"So, what else have you been doin over the years, you know, besides jail and savin the world?" I ask and watch as she puts the plastic crate on the foot of the bed. The intern's apartment is the biggest and trust me it's that way on purpose. I wasn't sure if there were gonna be any interns willin to give up living at the school so I had to sweeten the deal a little bit. Having a huge, fully furnished apartment with a big ass flat screen TV and a Jacuzzi bathtub all to yourself is definitely something worth having for a couple of months. "You gotta special guy in your life yet?" She laughs a little bit and sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Nah. That shit's not for me. I don't think I can be tied down to one person, you know?" She says that now, but she's only twenty-two. I'm sure in a couple years she'll be looking for someone to settle down with. Then again you never know. People tend to surprise you. I watch her as she opens the door on the crate and I finally get to see what's inside. Well, I will when it comes out. "Oh come on you big baby. Don't be afraid." She holds out her hand and wiggles her fingers a little bit and at the same time she makes a little whistling sound. Almost instantly the biggest cat I've ever seen walks out of the crate and rubs against her hand. "See, it's not so bad out here." There's no way that's the same little thing from seven years ago.

"Jesus Christ, did you give that thing steroids or something?" I ask and she laughs a little bit. I start laughin too since her laugh is pretty infectious. I haven't to admit the way I'm acting around her it seems a little like I'm flirting or whatever. Let's just hope B doesn't get jealous 'cause I do not need that headache. Anyway, the cat jumps down from the bed and starts rubbin on my legs. I hate it when cats do that. I know they do it to rub their smell on your and claim you as theirs, but still it's fuckin annoying. That's what I really hated about Buffy's stupid cat Tink. She was always rubbin against my legs when I was in the kitchen and she wanted something to eat. Only she wouldn't just rub against my legs she'd meow all fuckin annoying and it made me wanna kick her across the room. I never did though, 'cause that'd be fucked up.

"He wishes. No he eats a pretty steady idea of left over meat and stuff like that. Plus the cat food he sometimes puts up with." That another thing I hate about cats. Dogs'll eat just about anything especially if it rolls in the dirt first, but cats are all finicky and shit. I do like some cats. I'm not a complete hater. I had one back in Sunnydale. She was really cool. She was gone most of the time doin God knows what, and only came back when she was hungry and wanted some love. As far as cats go she was pretty cool. "He really isn't as big as he looks. It's mostly 'cause he's so fluffy." This thing looks like he weights about thirty fuckin pounds. I really don't wanna piss him off 'cause cats can be fuckin mean and this one looks like he can eat me if he wants. My cell phone starts to ring and I look down at the caller id. Great, this should be fun.

"It's my son's school callin." Mattie probably got in a fight or something. He does that sometimes. There's this kid named David Lynch that's always givin him shit about us. I guess his mom is one of those religious extremists, and he takes after her. He's always tellin Mattie how me and B are gonna burn 'cause we're gay. I know I'm a grown woman, but that kid just makes you wanna hit him. I have no problem with people sayin shit like that to me 'cause I'm used to it, but anyone who goes after my kid because of the way I live my life makes me wanna knock 'em out. I really hope he didn't get in a fight 'cause if he did then he'll get kicked off the football team, and he was really lookin forward to playin. Well, I better answer this before it goes to voicemail.

BPOV

So today Faith picked the slayers in training up from the airport. I wanted to do it but there are a lot of things that need to be done and she won the coin toss. I mean that literally. Neither of us wanted to do all the chores so we flipped a coin, and Faith won. I hate it when she does stuff like that. Later on I'm going to stop by the apartments and have a little meet and greet. I want the girls to know that I can have fun and I'll listen to what they have to say, but when it's time to be serious then I mean business. I don't want them to think that we're unapproachable just because we're the original slayers. Faith kind of had the right idea back in Sunnydale when she took the girls out to the Bronze. If there hadn't been a huge war going on at the time then I would've have been so pissed off, ad I would've kept my hands to myself.

You know, the entire concept of chores is completely stupid. I'm not the only person who lives in this house, so why am I expected to clean it up? Faith helps out a little bit but she always does everything half assed and I end up doing it all over again. So today I'm cheating. Matthew got out of school early because it had to be shut down because there was a fake bomb scare, but they had to shut down anyway just in case. Anyway, after Faith left to give the other slayers a tour of the town I made a deal with my son. I told him if he does all of the chores and he does them as good as me then I'll give him fifty bucks and let him spend it on fifty bucks no questions asked. I think that is one of the benefits of having kids. When they reach about ten or eleven you never have to do housework again. Well, some things you have to do yourself. I really don't want my son washing my laundry. At least not the intimates, 'cause talk about traumatizing.

So what am I doin instead of cleaning the house? I am out back, spread out on a lawn chair wearing my bikini and working on my tan. I love that the weather here is just like the weather Southern California. Well, except here there are no floods and deadly mudslides. Or fog because we don't have an ocean. But that's ok. I can live without all of that stuff. We have enough to worry about. Like rattlesnakes, and scorpions, and spiders, and coyotes, and gambling addicts. But you have to take the bad with the good and learn to accept that you can't change it no matter how hard you try. We've snaked proofed the yard as best we can, but over the years the occasional one has gotten into the backyard for a little dip in the pool. Faith has become an 'expert' snake handler removing them from the yard. She's afraid of spiders, even really small ones that can't bite her no matter how hard they try, but she'll pick up a rattlesnake? Yeah, all of her brain cells are working properly.

I'm not stupid or anything, and I do have sympathy for them. Snakes are cold blooded, and the average temperature here in the summer is a hundred degrees so I get the need to escape the heat. I just think they're creepy with the non-blinking eyes, and forked tongues that flick out every few seconds. What is up with that? And the way they slither around all weird and gross. So far all Faith has done is put them in a bucket and driven them back out to the desert where they can't hurt anybody, but if one of my kids ever gets bit I'll have her kill them if they come in the yard. Faith built a little gate on the deck so the kids can't go out into the yard without us unlocking it. I'm not sure why we didn't think of doing that sooner. It's not like three-year-olds are known for staying put when you're distracted. But enough about creepy killer snakes.

This whole cheating thing totally reminds me of how I used to be back in LA. We had weekly chores that our mom made us do, but I could totally get out of them if I pouted to my dad when she wasn't around. He would do them for me and I would still get paid my allowance. And then when Dawn was old enough to do chores I would just find something on her that I could use as blackmail and tell her if she didn't do my chores for me I'd tell Mom. From there I would either go out with my friends or head to the beach and soak up some rays. Kind of like I'm doing right now. So yeah, it's pretty safe to say that I haven't changed much since I was a teenager. I still hate doing chores and I still manage to find ways out of them. Even with Faith I can get her to do them the right way. Not all the time, only once very couple of months, and when I'm feeling energetic because her 'reward' for doing a good job is pulling an all nighter.

It's time for me to roll over and I don't want to be distracted from my basking anymore. I very slowly roll over onto my stomach because I'm feeling lazy like that. It sucks that Faith isn't here to rub the sunscreen on my back. I did it earlier but I know I didn't do a very good job. Oh well, I guess parts of me will just have to be sunburned. I don't want to get any tan lines on my back because how stupid do those look? So I take my top off and set it on the deck. Awww, that's better. I should do this every day. This is seriously relaxing. I should do this every day. I'd be really tan if I had the time to do that. Faith doesn't like it when I get too tan though because of the patches of white. I wish I could tan nude, but when you have kids tanning naked in your own house becomes impossible. Hmmm, maybe I should do it on the roof. I freeze up a little when I hear the backdoor open. By the sound of the footsteps it's definitely not Matthew. It's probably just Faith home early from taking the girls out.

"Hey, you're here early," I practically purr and keep my eyes closed. I feel the chair depress a little bit as she sits down next to me. I wiggle around a little bit to make some more room for her. "Will you put the tanning lotion on my back, please? I didn't do a very good job and I don't wanna get all burnt up." She doesn't say a word. She just squirts out some of the lotion and then rubs her hands together. She's being really quiet. Normally she'd make some kind of comment about giving me a 'proper rub down'. My back muscles jump a little bit because of the cold lotion. I like the cold feeling though because it's really hot out here today. "Mmmmm, that feels good." I arch a little into her hands but she doesn't add any pressure. Normally Faith gives me a back massage whenever I ask her to put on some lotion, but all she's doing it rubbing it on. Ok, so what did I do to piss her off now? This might cheer her up. "You wanna make out for a little while?"

"I really don't think your wife would like that." WHAT THE FUCK?! I whip around as fast as I can and see Willow sitting there smiling at me like a retard. Then she glances down and puts a hand out in front of her and turns her head to the side. Her eyes are kind of scrunched up. Ok. You know for a genius she can act really dumb sometimes. "Um, Buffy, I know you're your own person and everything, female empowerment and all of that good stuff, but those kind of belong to Faith." Huh? I glance down and no duh, I'm topless. I cover myself up with an arm, and Willow puts her hand down. Her looks into my eyes and she has a goofy smile on my face. Willow's seen me nude before. Hello, we took gym together in high school. But ever since she came out in college I always kind of…hid from her when I'd change. This is back when I was still drowning in denial, and thought Willow would come onto me if she saw me naked. Yeah, I'm a horrible person sometimes.

"What are you some kind of perv now?" She starts laughing and rubs the rest of the lotion onto her arms. She should really put more of that. If she's out in the sun for more then two minutes she starts to freckle. Sky thinks it's hilarious, but Willow hates it. She thinks one of these days she's going to morph into one giant freckle. At least then she would have some color to her instead of being death white with a touch of spots here and there. "Do you sneak up on innocent tanning women and molest them to get your jollies or something?" She starts laughing a little harder, and I can't help but join in. Willow's laugh has always been infectious like that. Sometimes all we have to do is give each other a look and we'll start cracking up laughing.

"Oh yeah. Sky and I haven't been intimate for so long that I've become the neighborhood pervert. Peeking in windows and touching half naked woman when they're not expecting it." Ok, that was a little bit of an over share but it was still funny. "But you were expecting it. You were just expecting your honey." Yeah, I totally was. I kinda wanted to make out with Faith and have her play with my breasts. I like it when she does that. "Ok, did your mind turn to the Buffy/Faith porno channel, 'cause I can leave you alone for a little while if you need it." I smack her on the arm with my free hand, and she reaches down and hands me my top. "You might want to put that back on. Matt was bragging how you're going to give him fifty bucks and he's almost done with the chores." I've been out here for like two and a half hours. I guess he wants to make sure everything gets sparkling clean or something.

"So, Will, what brings you here? I thought you were going to spend a quiet day with Sky?" Willow and I hang out almost every day. Dawn joins us when she finds the time but she's so busy with her company and taking care of those boys that she doesn't get a lot of time to herself. Although she had a date the other night. I didn't hang around to find out where it ended though. When I left she was talking to the guy on the front porch. And by talking I mean making out with him. I need to call her and find out what happened, and how good of a kisser that very cute guy is. I know I'm married and all of that but I still need my vicarious new relationship tinglies. You know those little fluttery feelings you get when everything is new and exciting? Well, it's always nice to hear about it from someone else.

"Yeah, we were. But she got a craving for honeydew so I'm supposed to be going to the store. Not just the grocery store, but the specialty store that sells the organic stuff? Yeah, she was very specific about where to buy the honeydew. But that store is in Vegas so I'll just tell her there was a lot of traffic and she won't even know I was slacking off. As long as you keep my secret." I nod my head a little and give her a smile. Willow knows I'm kind of good at keeping secrets. "I just wanted to come over and see what my Buffy shaped friend was doing today. And relaxing is obviously on the agenda."

"It was a last minute addition. I was supposed to go get the slayers from the airport, but Faith wanted to do it too. So we flipped a coin, and she won, and I got stuck doing the chores. But being the brilliant person that I've always been." She snorts and rolls her eyes at that. I glare a little bit and she goes back to normal. "I cheated and told Matthew if he did everything I'd give him fifty bucks. You'll find that one of the perks of having a teenager. They can easily be bribed with money especially when you say they can buy anything they want no questions asked." She gives me a 'tell me you didn't' type of look.

"Ok, so if he goes out and buys some drugs you know who to blame." I give her a little glare and she just smiles. "You know I'm just joking. He's a teenage boy with fifty dollars. He'll probably buy porn." She just had to cross that line, didn't she? I get a very grossed out look on my face and she just laughs. "Facts of life, Buff, there's nothing we can do about them. You remember what Xander was like in high school. Remember how he'd always check out those books on witchcraft just to look at the semi nude engravings?" We both start laughing because of that and I suddenly realize it's been months since I've talked to Xander. I try to keep in touch but everything has been so crazy lately and it just doesn't happen.

"How's he doing by the way? I haven't talked to him in a really long time. It sucks that he can't move here with us. The scooby gang isn't really the scooby gang without him, you know? Faith and Sky are great but they can't replace what belongs here." I know that was a little corny, but it doesn't really matter. She gets a really sad look on her face and she looks down at her feet. Willow only does that when she doesn't want me to see how bad she's hurting. And if she's hurting this much then Xander must be doing horrible.

"He's taking everything really hard. To him Katie was like his last hope, you know? He never thought he was going to love anyone again after Anya, even though he said he was going to try. He loved Katie so much, and he still hasn't told me why they split up. And now Miranda is caught in the middle of all this bad stuff. Katie wants her all to herself, and it isn't fair you know? Xander treats Miranda better then a princess, any little girl would be lucky to have a dad half as good as he is." That's for sure. Seeing Xander with Miranda always made me feel a little…sad, I guess. I would see how gentle he was with her and then feel sad because it just reminded me of how much I miss the way my dad would treat me like that.

"I feel kind of responsible for this whole mess. I'm the one that introduced them. I'm the one who pushed so hard for Xander to ask her out. Maybe something better would have happened if he had ignored me and found someone else to love then maybe they would still be together and happy." But then again Xander wouldn't have Miranda. So I guess there is an upside to all of this. "Do you think maybe we should go see Xander, like, just the two of us? Reunite the scooby gang for a week or two? Maybe that will make him feel a little better." She smiles at the idea, at least I think that's what she's smiling at, and she looks up at me. She wipes the stray tears from her face and sniffles a little.

"Yeah, maybe we should do that. I have some vacation time coming up soon. I was going to spend it in bed doing nothing with Sky, but maybe we should go to California and see our old buddy." Then she gets really quiet again, and I just sit and wait. She has that contemplative look on her face and I know if I ask then I'll break her train of thought and I probably won't get even a little piece of what she was thinking. "He wouldn't move out here even if he could." Ok, where did that come from? "He told me over the phone. At first I thought he was drunk or something because he sounded a little funny, but then I realized that he had been crying. He said he wouldn't move out here if he could, no matter how much he misses us, because he doesn't want to drag Miranda into the demony stuff. He said he's going to tell her about vampires and all of that when she's older, but he wants her to be innocent for as long as possible."

"Luckily Redding doesn't have that many vampires, and the ones they do have are weak ass junkies." Willow nods her head in agreement. We just sit in silence for a little while. I think about Xander a little more. How lonely he must feel, and how sad it would be if that were to happen to me. I'm not trying to be selfish and turn everything into a big self-pitying type of thing, but I'm just trying to imagine how he must feel. Faith and I split up for that couple of months way back when, but we never got into a huge custody battle. She never tried to take Matthew away from me, and I always sort of knew Faith would be there for me. I knew at any minute I could pick up the phone and call her and tell her how much I missed her, how much I still loved her and she would come running because once Faith loves somebody she never gives up on them even if they've given up on her.

"Well, I better be hitting the road," Will says and stands up. "I have me a pregnant woman to get home to, and if I don't get back soon with the honeydew she might turn me into a rabbit or something." I laugh a little bit and say my goodbyes as she leaves. When the door is closed I take my top off and lay on my stomach. Just because I'm in a kind of sad mood now it doesn't mean I can't still bake in the sun. Maybe the baking will make me feel better. Like, the sun will just melt away the sad stuff? Yeah, that sounded pretty cheesy when I said it and I don't think it's going to work. In fact, I think I need to head inside now because all of this sun can't be good for what brain cells I have. I think they're starting to cook.

WPOV

I've been a Scooby member since I was sixteen. I'm now in my thirties and I've helped stop countless apocalypses, changed the slayer line forever, and I'm one of the most powerful witches in history. With all of that said, nothing in my years of experience with the unexpected could've prepared me for this morning. It was just like any other morning, really. I woke up, helped Sky make some breakfast, got a shower and started thinking of all the things I needed to do today. I was just about to call Buffy and see what her plans where and maybe turn my errands into some best friend time when the door bell rang. I definitely wasn't expecting anyone, and Sky wasn't expecting anyone. So you can imagine my surprise when I answer the door and see my parents standing on the other side.

They had big smiles on their faces and they didn't look irritated with me or anything which is good. The sun was shining very brightly so they couldn't be vampires, and they both gave me some big hugs before I could even get a word out so they weren't the First. After all of that deduction I was happy because that means my parents aren't dead…for about five seconds. After that I started panicking because it meant that my real parents were on my doorstep. I was trying really hard not to panic. Because I was taking so long Sky came to check on me and see who was at the door. Of course she got all excited because she gets along pretty well with my parents and I was kind of pushed aside as she took them into the living room.

That's when some of the bad things happened. I told Sky that I would tell my parents about the pregnancy, and I did. I e-mailed my mom and told her all about it. Apparently that wasn't good enough for them because as soon as they could take some time off from their jobs they packed some bags and flew out here. So I learned that not only are they here in the flesh, but they're going to be here for at least three weeks. You're probably thinking 'well, that's not so bad' but you're wrong. My mom actually said out loud 'we were so excited to read your e-mail that we had to come out here'. I could feel Sky burning a hole in my shirt with her eyes, and I'm talking about the literal sense of that. Her emotions have been all over the place because of the hormones and it's making her powers all wonky. Trust me when I say I'll be cut off from the lovins for a while.

All of that was over three hours ago. Sky and my mother went shopping for baby clothes and they were gone for about two hours. Trust me when I say it was the longest two hours of my life. My father and I have almost nothing in common. He asked about Sky, and how she's doing but he had a tone that I didn't like. It was the same kind of tone he used whenever he asked about Kennedy or Tara. He only asked to be polite and he's not trying to pretend otherwise. My father isn't ashamed of the fact that I'm a gay woman, but he had plans for me when I was growing up. Ok, so not really plans, but certain expectations, just like all parents have some expectations for their children. My father wanted me to grow up and marry a nice Jewish boy, and we'd have a few Jewish kids so that we'd pass on the traditions. There's nothing wrong with that but it's not what I want. I want to be with Sky and I'm not going to change just to please him.

I glance over at Sky and I can't help but smile at how happy she looks. Her and my mother are actually getting along. I never really thought that was possible because Sky gets pretty upset when she thinks about the fact that I was practically ignored by my parents all of my life. But here they are chatting away as we eat our lunch. So far the embarrassing stories about me as a baby have been at a minimum but I have a feeling they're going to be coming almost non-stop once my mom gets to know Sky a little better. I understand why Sky is so happy that my mom is here, but a little heads up would have been nice too. She's glad they're here because she's been freaking out about some of the baby stuff and now she has someone experienced she can talk to. She can always talk to Buffy and Faith, but it isn't the same. Their oldest is barely a teenager, and Sky wants someone with a little more experience.

Plus I think she's clinging onto my mom because her mom is out of the picture now. It's pretty obvious that her parents aren't going to come around to us anytime soon. I'm just glad that she's happy, and can finally relax. So it looks like my parents have finally done something right. Even though I'm going to be cut off from the lovins because of it. This totally blows, and not in a good way. She was finally letting me touch her again, and finally touching me again. But I guess it all works out, because I don't think I'd be able to have sex with my parents sleeping two rooms down from us. It would be too weird. Sky can be pretty loud, and I'm not exactly mute when I come. I'm still unsure as to how Sky is going to fully react to the fact that I told my mother about our baby in an e-mail. She's been polite about it so far because my parents are around but what happens tonight after they go to bed?

"I remember once when Willow was just a little girl around seven or eight years old." And it starts. They haven't really been talking much about my childhood. I've been steering the conversation towards the pregnancy and how happy we are and how we can't wait to be parents, but now I guess it's time to tell my fiancé things about me that are totally embarrassing. I glace over at Sky and she has a little smirk on her face because she's been dying to hear stories about me. This is karma, isn't it? I told my parents that we're having a baby in an e-mail instead of writing a nice letter by hand, or calling them and now I'm being punished because I broke a promise. Karma bites. "She was playing with Xander in her bedroom." Wow, I'm surprised she remembered his name. My mom has always had a hard time with names. "I was in the kitchen making some lunch when Willow walks in and says she needs a thermometer." Oh great, not this story.

"And I said 'Willow you're perfectly healthy, why on earth do you need a thermometer?' And her reply was 'Because I'm playing doctor with Xander'. So I gave her one of our teaspoons, you know the ones grandma Kempinski gave us?" I nod my head and take another bite of my salad. Grandma Kempinski is my grandmother on my mom's side of the family. Since we're Jewish we don't celebrate birthdays, but every year on the day after my birthday she'd send me an 'out of the blue no reason at all' gift. She always gave me the coolest stuff. She wasn't as strict about our religion as my parents are. "I didn't realize until she had already gone back upstairs what playing doctor really means to children that age." Sky gives me a little look and I can't help but roll my eyes. "So I run upstairs and when I walk into Willow's bedroom and she had the spoon in Xander's and she was using some of her father's headphones as a stethoscope, and telling him to breathe deep. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen."

"So what was the diagnosis?" Sky asks with a very amused smile on her face. I give her a questioning look and she gives me the 'don't play dumb' look. Yeah, I have all of her looks memorized. I think that's one of the first things you should do when you're in a relationship to avoid any future miscommunications. "Don't tell me you don't remember. You have the best memory of anyone I know." That's probably not true. I'm sure there's someone out there that she knows who has a better memory then me. She probably just doesn't know it. There are a lot of very smart brainy types at the slayer school and Sky was there for a long time so I'm sure she knows someone from one of her classes who's memory is better then mine. And yes I'm just stalling. I do remember what I told Xander and I remember what happened afterwards. So I sigh a little bit and try to hold back the smile.

"Lung cancer," I say and she gets a little smirk on her face. "I gave him six months to a year to live. He got really sad and almost started crying so we went downstairs and told Dad about it, and he gave us some ice cream. When he thanked Dad he said 'thank you sir, for giving a dying man one last pleasantry'. Xander's always been a little overdramatic." Everyone laughs, including my dad which is kind of rare. My dad has a sense of humor. It's just been hibernating since his dad passed away. I know it was a really long time ago, about a year after the big battle when Sunnydale when boom, but he took it really hard and according to my mom he hasn't been the same since. Maybe coming here will do him some good. Maybe I can explain to him that Sky and I plan on teaching our baby about the Jewish traditions. I know I've never really taken them as seriously as my parents, but they're still family traditions, and I can't just turn my back on them.

"How has Xander been?" my mom asks and takes a sip of her water. Well, this is might be a long explanation. Xander definitely hasn't been doing too well. After he and his wife got divorced he got really depressed, especially because Katie was trying to get full custody of Miranda, and if she had won she would've never let Xander see her again. "You don't talk about him much in your e-mails. Are you two no longer close friends?" We stay in touch even though we don't live near each other. We talk on the phone once a week for about three hours and we e-mail each other very long detailed letters. I'm not sure when but sometime soon he's going to come out and visit us. I know he's going to be here for my baby' birth, and for my wedding. Unfortunately I couldn't get him to agree to be my maid of honor. I was just joking when I said that. He's definitely going to be my best man.

"He's doing better. He and his ex are still fighting for custody of their little girl, and he's pretty depressed about it. As of right now they have joint custody and the arrangement is pretty reasonable, at least I think so. Xander gets her for a week and then his ex gets her for a week. But his ex wants sole custody, and when she's not suing for that then she's suing for more child support. Even the judge is getting sick of her, and so far she hasn't won anything. At the last court hearing the judge said if Xander wanted he'd lower the child support cost, but Xander said just to leave it the way it is. But I don't know how much more he can take. He loves Miranda more then anything, but I think it's getting to be too much." Sky reaches over and puts her hand on top of mine. She can tell I'm getting a little upset. It's just so sad what happened. He and Katie loved each other so much, and none of us have any idea what went wrong. Some things just don't work out, I guess. And poor little Miranda is caught in the middle of it.

"That's too bad," my mom says and she sounds sincere. I'm just really glad she hasn't started talking about statistics and age groups. I think I would freak out if she said something like that. She knows it bothers me. We don't just e-mail each other, we have instant messenger, and we've talked on there a few times and I've told her how frustrated she can make me feel when she stereotypes me by talking about age groups, and statistics. "And what about…oh what's her name? Oh, Bunny Summers. How has she been lately?" Sky looks over at me with an 'is she serious?' type of look and she's trying really hard to hide her smile. She starts eating again to cover it up. I think she looks really cute when she tries not to smile.

"She's great. Her son won his football game on Thursday so they're excited about that. Now that the kids are in school again she has some more time on her hands during the day so we usually run errands together." I've given up when it comes to correcting my mom on Buffy's name. It's a hopeless cause. My dad doesn't have a problem remembering, and he thinks it's kind of funny that Mom can't remember. "She and Faith are going to be leaving soon, for a vacation and we're going to watch the kids for them. They love coming over here because we spoil them so much. There youngest is always kind of a handful because he's a mommy's boy and he always whines for Buffy at night." Yeah, I totally babbled like I used to before I stopped with the babble. Sky thinks it's cute when I do it but my parents are looking at me like I grew a second head or something. Oh yeah, this is going to be fun.

I haven't seen my parents in so long that it's almost like I don't know who they are anymore, you know? They're still my mom and dad but they've changed, and I've changed too. I'm not their shy, geeky little girl who never stood up to them. I'm more outgoing, I'm still geeky but I hide it better, and if they say something I don't agree with I'll tell them. Well, at least in theory. Now that they're here I feel like I'm in high school again when my mom used to pick out my outfits and do my hair for me. That's going to be something I'm definitely not going to do to my child. As soon as he or she is old enough to pick out their own outfits then I'll leave them to it. It'll probably take them a while before they learn how to do their own hair, but I'll teach them. And I'm sure Sky can help out big time in that department. She can always get her hair to do these really cool things, and I can't figure out how she does them. I know it's not magic because she doesn't use magic for everyday stuff like that.

"Your parents are so nice," Sky says as she takes all of the decoration only pillows off the bed. Well, I survived the first day of my parents visiting us. Hopefully I'll be able to get through tomorrow. After lunch it went pretty smoothly. We took them for a tour around Lincoln, and they loved it. They think all of the houses are really neat looking in a classical sort of ways. Yep, things were going really great. So it wasn't a huge surprise that they went a little bad at dinner time. It was my dad who I had a little…debate with. We started talking about how we plan to raise the baby. You know, all the traditions that we're going to pass down, and some of the new ones we might start. I told them that we plan on teaching him or about Judaism because I'm Jewish, but we're also going to celebrate Christmas because Sky isn't Jewish, and that's where things got a little heated.

"Yeah," I say as a rub the lotion into my arms. This skin doesn't get silky smooth on it's own you know. "Except for the part where my dad almost ruptured a blood vessel while we were eating." She gives me a little look and I know what that means. I ignore it though. "He didn't have to be so mean about it. He can be so stubborn sometimes." I crawl under the covers and sort of flop down my pillow. I know I'm acting a little immature but I think I deserve to be a little immature. I stare at the ceiling while Sky turns out the lights and gets into bed with me. Tonight we were supposed to be having a quiet, cozy evening together. We were going to make dinner, and eat out on the back patio. Then we were going to share a container of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Then we were going to turn on the air conditioning, light place, and make love all night long.

"Well now I know where you get the stubbornness from." I glance over at her and then roll my eyes. I know she's just trying to lighten up my mood, but when I want to pout and be mopey there's no changing my mind. And that's not being stubborn. That's just having a strong will. Ok, so it's almost the same thing. This is a mopey parade there's no room for logic or reason. "Baby, he's just a traditionalist, that's all. I'm sure once the baby is born, and he sees our little one for the first time none of that stuff will matter. All that will matter is how happy we're going to make this kid every single day." Yeah, and cows can understand quantum physics. "Do you think maybe you're being a little hard on your dad because of something else?" I hate it when she gets all intuitive. I know she's not reading my mind because I'd be able to feel that, but it seems like she is and I don't like it. "Do you think maybe you're acting this way to cover up some insecurities?" See what I mean?

"Yes," I say and I definitely don't sound happy about it. A quick little sigh escapes my lips as I think about that for a few seconds. I guess I'm now a willing participant in this conversation since I agreed with her. I roll over onto my side so I can look at her face while I talk. Her soft, warm hand rests on my shoulder, and she gently caresses my skin with her thumb. Hmmm, if she's willing to caress me maybe I will get some lovins tonight. "It's just I've changed so much over the last few years. I've grown a lot, and matured way more and I have you to thank for that. But I get around him for five minutes and it's like I'm that same wall flower nerd I was in high school. I never stood up to him, ever, and when I did tonight I thought I would feel…empowered or something but when he got mad it made me want to run away and hide. It's like I was that shy little girl again."

"I get where you're coming from. I really do. But he's your dad, and to him you're always going to be his little girl. He's always going to give his opinion, and he's always going to think his way is the right way." I can tell she's projecting some of her feelings about her father into this conversation but I don't say anything. The last thing I want to do is upset her. "Just put up with it, ok? Take his criticisms with a grain of salt. Don't let what he has to say get to you too much. This is just what parents do. There's no use arguing about it because their opinions aren't going to change overnight. He accepts us. He's ok with us being together. That's a start, right?" I nod my head a give her a reassuring smile. Yep, a lot of her family stuff definitely got thrown into that little speech. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I turn my head a little bit and kiss the back of her had. I look over at her with a suggestive smile but her face is still neutral.

"Do you wanna have a little lovin before we turn in for the night?" I ask and wiggle my eyebrows for good measure. She thinks it's cute when I wiggle my eyebrows. I would lean over and give her some of my soft, teasing kisses that she loves so much but I don't want to push my luck. Her thumb stops moving and she gives me a little look, and I know there will be no lovin in this house tonight.

"Oh, don't for a second think I forgot that you told your mom about this baby in an e-mail. You told me you were going to talk to her over the phone, to make it a little more personal." Again with the insane pregnancy hormones. I'm pretty sure a demon created these hormones imbalances and I think I was put on this earth to find a way to stop them. Ok, so maybe not, but it's nice to think that maybe one day she'll stop making mountains out of mole hills. When she's finished talking she rolls over so her back is facing me and I sigh a little bit. Sometimes having a pregnant fiancé sucks.


	78. Consequences Of The Ass Biting Kind

There's something a little different about this chapter. You'll know what I mean when you read it. Tell me what you think about it, and maybe there will be some more in the future.

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**Three Days Later.** FPOV

Remember when I said that Lily and I could have a lot of fun together as in we'd go clubbin and how just bein around her gets me all hyper and I hadn't felt like that since I was a teenager? Well, if we all remember our Faith history I used to get in a lot of trouble when I was a teenager. And I'm not talking about accidentally killing Finch and then workin for the Mayor of SunnyD. No, I mean I used to get into normal teenage trouble. Like partying when I wasn't supposed to, and shoplifting and stuff like that. I remember my mom would get so pissed off, and she'd make this face like she was about to have a heart attack. It was damn funny. Anyway, I didn't shoplift tonight and I don't really plan to but I did go party.

I finished my patrol with the girls and when I got back Lily was all dressed up and ready to go out and see what kind of clubs Vegas has to offer. I told her about one that's kind of hard to find unless you've been there before. So I gave her a ride. I was just gonna drop her off, but then she asked if I wanted to join, and I could hear the music from inside practically callin out my name. So I said 'screw it' and I parked the car and joined her at the front door. B and I have been to this place a lot since it's one of the best clubs in Vegas. The bouncer knows us by name so Lily and I got in with no trouble. So long story short, I went partying with Lily, I didn't call Buffy and tell her I was gonna be home late, and it's now six in the morning.

I know Buffy is awake because it's Tuesday and the kids have school. I know she's gonna be really pissed off at me, there's no fuckin doubt about that. I just can't make up my mind about whether or not I should lie to her. If I tell her I got caught up with the patrol then she won't be as mad. If I tell her the truth I might be sleepin on the couch for the next week or two. The problem with that is she could've stopped by the apartments to see if we were back yet, or she could've called or something. Then I'd be caught in a lie, and she'd be even more pissed off then if I just told the truth. Man, this is fuckin complicated. How come having a wife is kind of like having a mom? I thought when we grow up we don't have to answer to anybody anymore. So much for that stupid theory.

I guess it's time to go in the house and face this like a woman. I get out of my car and lock the doors. My God, my head hurts so fuckin bad I just wanna sleep for days. I had a little more to drink then I normally do, and the music last night was a lot louder then it normally is. I guess on Monday nights things are a little different. And you're probably thinkin I'm weird goin out on a Monday night like that to a club. But it was pretty packed. This is Vegas baby, people party here everyday. Anyway, I unlock the front door and as soon as I open it my head is violated with all kinds of sounds. The loudest one is comin from the kitchen. Joey's crying for whatever reason and that is so not goin to help with B's mood. I can't just sneak into my bedroom like I wanna 'cause when she sees me all hell will break loose. So I might as well go in there and face the music, or whatever that expression is.

"Addison Kristine, if you don't give him back his juice I'm going to spank your butt, do you understand me?" B would never spank the kids, but when she's really frustrated she threatens it. I stand in the doorway and just watch. None of 'em has spotted me yet, which is a good thing. I kinda want to make myself known on my own. I watch as Addy gets a really pissed off look on her face. Joey's still crying really loud, and Mattie looks annoyed. Oh yeah, I have me one big happy family right here. Now why wouldn't I want to come home to this at six in the morning when I'm hung over and tired as hell?

"Fine, I didn't want the stupid juice anyway." Yeah she did or she shouldn't have taken it. Anyway, she slides the glass really hard across the table on purpose, and it flies off the side and hits the floor. It shatters, and orange liquid and little glass pieces going flyin everywhere. Ok, now that really pisses me off. This kid has a major fuckin attitude problem in the morning because she takes after Buffy. Neither one of them are morning people. But she doesn't get to act like that just because she wants some juice and B is busy cookin breakfast. Before Buffy can say anything I walk into the room and they look over at me.

"You get your ass up to your room right now, and don't come out until you wanna behave right. That's no way to act at the breakfast table." She just sits there starin at me. I know she's challenging me 'cause she does it all the time. "I mean, get your ass up and go to your room." She gets up and runs upstairs. With a loud scream she slams her bedroom door. Oh yeah, I really can't wait for those pubescent hormones to kick in. 'Cause she isn't bad enough already. I walk over to the stove and B won't look at me. She's fixin some bacon and it smells really fuckin good. Anyway, I grab a dishtowel and start cleanin up the mess. Once I get all the glass piled up on the towel I just drop the whole thing in the sink. I'll clean it up later.

"And where were you all night?" B asks and she sounds pissed. Like really, really pissed. Like so pissed off I think her ears are gonna explode they're so red right now. "I called your dad's and you weren't there. I stopped by the apartments, and the only person missing was Lily. I tried your cell phone about a thousand times. I know you weren't out slaying because none of your clothes are ripped or dirty." Ok, I guess lying is out of the option. "What did you decide to just go out and paint the town red with Lily?" We didn't paint anything but we did go to town. I nod my head and she looks like she could kill me. "And you didn't have the decency to call? I swear to God, I could divorce you right now I'm so pissed off." I know she doesn't mean it so I don't take it personally. "One of these nights I should take off without telling you just to show you how I feel. Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

"Babe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be there that long. I had a couple drinks and time just flew by. You know how I can get when I hit the hard stuff." She does know how I get when I drink more then just beer. We used to party all the time together so she knows how it can be when you're having fun and not really paying attention. Time just kinda gets away from ya. At least she's not freaking out about the fact that I was out having fun and she was here worrying about me. "It's not gonna happen again, I swear." I try to hug her from behind but she shrugs me off. Ok, I guess touching isn't a good idea right now. I hear her sigh, and she flips the bacon over. She looks over at me and she has fire in her eyes. But not the good kind of fire. This is the 'be careful or I'll stab you' kind of fire.

"Don't apologize right now, I'm still too mad. Do you want some breakfast or are you too hung over?" Thank God this isn't gonna turn into an argument. I hate fighting with her more then anything. I tell her I want some food, and she nods her head a little. "Will you set the table for me?" Yes ma'am. I start setting the table and Joey starts whining for more juice. Poor little guy definitely isn't having a good morning so far. So when I get done setting the table I pour him some orange juice and the whining instantly stops. "You shouldn't give him stuff when he whines, you should make him ask the right way and then give it to him." Ok, so she's still bitchy. I think I'll just let it go since I really don't want to fight.

I put the juice back in the fridge and sit down at the table. I look over at B, and I smile a little bit. Her hair's put back in a sloppy bun, and it's all frizzy and shit. It looks hella cute. She's wearing the white cotton pajama bottoms with little monkeys on them, and she's wearing my Mudvayne t-shirt. I'll never say this to her face 'cause I know she'll hit me, but she's cute when she's mad. She gets all huffy and puffy and it's so damn adorable. I get up and stand behind her. I see the muscles in her neck tense up a little bit but I don't care. I just wanna give her some love, even if it irritates her a little. I wrap my arms around her stomach and put my head on her shoulder. She tries to shrug me off but I don't go anywhere.

"I love my sweet, caring, forgiving wife," I say and nibble on her earlobe a little bit. She giggles and again tries to shrug me off but it doesn't stop me. "Especially when she wears her hair up." I start kissing the right side of her neck, and linger a little on the bite mark that Angel left when he bit her. It took me a long fuckin time but I finally got over the fact that she let him bite her. Let's face it boys and girls, I did the same damn thing. He was soulless and out of control, and I took that drug and let him bite me so I could save him. Back in Sunnyhell he was dyin 'cause I shot him with that arrow and B's attempt to feed me to him failed so she had to do something. I've accepted it and gotten over it.

"You're obviously still a little drunk," she says and I let go of her so she can put the bacon on the table. Well, on a plate that's on the table. The bacon was the last thing that needed to be cooked. She's already made toast, and eggs, and English muffins, and hash brows. I call out Addy's name and she comes runnin down the stairs. She's in a little better mood then earlier, but she's still a little pissy. We eat our breakfast and I just watch as the kids talk and laugh. Joey's turning into a little jokester. He likes making people laugh. And the last week or so he's been tryin to make Mattie laugh. I guess he wants to just joke around with the only guy in the house. Anyway, when we finish eating Addy runs off the brush her teeth, and I put my head down on the table.

"Hey baby," B says and I'm not a hundred percent in love with her tone right now. I know what's coming. I just don't want to accept that it's going to happen. But I'm powerless to stop it. If I try to talk my way out of it it'll just start a fight. "Will you make sure the kids get ready for school? I need to take a shower." And my punishment begins. "Oh, and there's a list of stuff that needs to be done today. It's on my nightstand. And make sure to get them all done, ok? I know it's kind of a lot, but the sooner we get them out of the way the sooner we can just relax." She says it like she's going to help me. We all know that whenever a woman says 'we' she means 'you'. "That would be a really big help, because I have to run to the store to pick up some stuff for dinner." And she's going to make dinner. I might as well just stay in bed all day and not do anything.

"Sure, I can do that," I tell her and get up from my seat. I might as well go upstairs and take a look at this list. If she expects me to get it done in one day then it can't be too bad. She's pretty reasonable when it comes to the lists. So I climb up the stairs, and my legs feel like they have lead in 'em. Man, I really need some fuckin sleep. It feels like it takes me hours to reach the top of the stairs. When I finally do I just stand here and close my eyes. No more white Russians followed by body shots for me. I really hope I don't get sick 'cause that would so suck. I hate puking more then I hate crying. And I just ate, and I didn't think to chew my food up 'til it's almost liquid. Yeah, that would've been the smart thing to do.

When I feel like the room isn't spinning anymore I walk down the hall and into my bedroom. Mmm, I love the smell of our bedroom. B has this really nice candles that smell like apples and cinnamon, and for some reason it always smells like M&Ms. I have no fuckin clue why, but I'm not complaining. Anyway, I go over to B's side of the bed and on her nightstand is the list. Holy fuck. This thing is three pages long. How the fuck does she expect me to get all of this shit done? Oh she's good. Ok, I'll just lie down for a few minutes and then I'll get started on her fuckin never ending list of shit to do. If I had known she was gonna pull this shit I would've just stayed home last night, no slaying, or training with the girls. Whatever happened to capital punishment? I think I'd like that better then this.

BPOV

I can't believe Faith stayed out all night last night. I was so worried that something happened. I know she's one of the best slayers in the history of the world, but that doesn't mean she's going to live forever. I thought maybe something happened to her, and I was really freaking out. When I went to the apartments Georgia was still awake, and she told me that Lily was talking about going out tonight to party, and then she saw Faith and Lily drive off. So I wasn't that worried. At least not until I woke up and saw that Faith wasn't in bed or downstairs, or anywhere in the house. Why is it that one person can make you so happy that you feel like you're walking on air and make you feel like you're going to have a heart attack? But I'm not going to think about it anymore.

What I need to be focusing on right now is the dinner I'm making because I don't know if I'm going to be able to pull it off or not. I'm making lasagna, which is something that the whole family really likes but for whatever reason we don't make it very often. So whenever we do make it the kids are always good at dinner because it's like a treat. I even bought some really nice wine to go with it, and after dinner I'm going to have the kids clean up the kitchen so that Faith and I can have some quiet time in the living room together. And after the kids go to bed I'm going to do something a little different in the bedroom. But I'm seriously thinking that isn't going to happen, and it's no one's fault by mine.

See, I sort of screwed up. I know I bought everything I needed at the store. But at the stores where they have you pack our own grocery bags I have a tendency to forget things. I get so caught up trying to get everything that one or two things get left behind. In this case it was the mozzarella cheese that I need for the lasagna. I have plenty of everything else, but I don't have any mozzarella. I don't think I have time to drive back into town to get anymore, and I definitely don't have time to make anything else. The only other option would be to get take out. I was really looking forward to giving my family a home cooked meal that they actually like, and that I'm actually good at making, and it's all because I forgot the mozzarella. I glace over at the nine cartons of ricotta just sitting on the counter, mocking me. Soft cheeses can be so smug. Just when I feel a panic attack coming on, the phone rings.

"Hello?" I ask as I start cutting up the French bread. I'm also going to make some sourdough because Faith likes that better. Sure she's still in trouble but she's trying really hard to finish everything I wrote done so I might as well let her off the hook. "Hey Dawn, I'm so glad you called. Do you have any mozzarella cheese? I'm making lasagna and I forgot the mozzarella at the store……You do? Oh thank God. I'm about five seconds away from freaking out……I know you're upset sweetie, but I'm kind of in a rush here." She's upset because she had sex with that delivery guy after the first date. Apparently he told the guys at his work, and one of the guys mentioned it to someone at Dawn's work while he was dropping off some supplies and now she's been labeled the office slut.

"Tell you what, why don't you come over, bring the cheese and we can talk about it while I make dinner. How does that sound?...Ok, I'll see you in a few minutes. Bye." I hang up after she says bye, and I go back to what I was doing. I know I seemed like a total bitch just now, but I did warn her that this might happen. And it's her fucking clothing line, she owns the place, I don't see why she just can't fire those people for gossiping. It's not like it hasn't been done before. Anyway, I can stop panicking now because it'll only take her a few minutes to get here. She lives just right down the street. You'd think we'd see each other more often because of that but we don't. We're making an effort to change that since we miss each other. She's going to start coming over here more for dinner and to spend time, and on our days off we're going to spend some quality sister shopping time.

She's been a little freaked out lately because not next week but the week after she's going to drive the four hour drive to LA so the boys can spend a week with their dad. A little while ago Dawn went to LA herself to check it out, and the boys stayed with Willow and Sky. I swear those two watch all of our kids so much it's practically their second home. Which is kind of nice. I want my kids to feel like they have someplace else to go when they just need to get away, you know? Will and Sky don't mind at all. They love spoiling them rotten. And I know when that little baby is born after a while they're going to be calling up Aunt Buffy to ask if we'll watch him or her for the night so they can go out and have some grown up time. Matthew was four months old when Faith and I called Will and Kennedy up to do the same thing.

I remember I was so freaked out about leaving him that I almost didn't enjoy myself. Well, for most of the night I didn't. He was just so small and helpless and Willow and Kenned had never watched him by themselves before. They would come over to keep an eye on him when I needed a break, and a well deserved nap, but we never left them completely alone with our little boy. Faith had to stop me about a hundred times from getting up and calling to check on him. I did do that once or twice. I just told her I had to use the bathroom, and I just called from my cell. On the third trip to the bathroom Faith knew I was up to something so she waited a minute or two and then followed me in there. After that she took my cell phone and told me to just relax, that everything would be fine. She kept me distracted for the rest of the dinner, and all through the movie. And when we got home we had the house to ourselves.

"Buffy I hope this is enough. You didn't tell me how much you're making," I hear Dawn yell from the foyer. We don't go over to each other's houses very often but just enough so that we don't have to knock, we just walk right in. We always call each other first to make sure we're not going to walk in on anything we really don't want to see. Just because we're siblings and when we were little we used to bathe together it doesn't mean we want to walk in on anything kinky. This isn't Alabama you know. "Ok boys, go play upstairs. And no fighting over toys. I mean it." I laugh a little bit and listen to the boys' little footsteps as they run up the stairs. Since Emma doesn't need to live with us anymore we converted the extra bedroom into a playroom for Joey, Addy, and any other little kid that happens to come over. I have a feeling our house is going to be 'the house' that all of the kids bring their friends to so they can hang out. In fact I think it already is.

"I don't need a lot," I tell her as she walks in the room. Ok, so maybe I do. I'm making three lasagnas (slayer family, remember?) so I need enough cheese for three. "Ok, so maybe I do." She sets the bag down on the counter, and pulls out a lot of cheese. That's way more then I'll need. "You're a life saver. Now that I know I can finish making this you guys are more then welcome to stay." I want to start getting into the habit of having dinner together. I want it to become a regular thing. I miss having my sister around as crazy as that may seem. She leans against the counter and crosses her arms over her chest. That's the classic defensive stance, so I know that I'm going to be getting an earful about this. We've already talked about it on the phone a lot, but I know it isn't enough. It wouldn't be if the same thing were happening to me.

"That's ok. You're going to have wine with dinner, and I know you only drink wine on special occasions. I don't want to intrude or anything." Meaning: I want to stay but I don't want to seem rude so you'll have to ask another couple of times before I agree. This is just typical Dawn stuff going on right now. I hate that she can be like this. It's so obvious by the sound of her voice that she wants to stay. I know she's been really lonely and I think it would do her some good to start spending more time over here. Faith agrees but I think she only agreed right away to get me to shut up. She hates it when I talk at night while she's trying to go to sleep. Apparently I'm 'such a girl' when it comes to that.

"Dawn, unless you already have plans you're staying for dinner. All Faith and I plan on doing tonight is relaxing. She's pretty tired because she stayed out all night with Lily and I've been making her pay for it. She's out back right now with Matthew fixing part of the fence." She giggles a little bit and watches as I start to make up the first lasagna. It is all about the layers. It starts with noodles and mozzarella and then it ends with noodles and mozzarella on top. Faith likes hers with a little meat so I always make one special just for her. Lasagna is the one thing that I've always done right. It's pretty much the only thing my mom ever really taught me how to cook. She was teaching me to make desserts and stuff, but I was always too busy with the slaying or being at college that I never really learned how. But let's not think about that right now. It's depressing. "So what exactly has been going on at the office?"

"A delivery guy that works with Eric told some of the people who take in the deliveries about Eric and me. Once they found out the gossip spread like wildfire. Everyone has been giving me these weird looks and talking about me behind my back. I know they have, but it doesn't bother me too much. I mean, they work for me if I really wanted to I could fire them." See, what did I say earlier? Exactly that, thank you very much. "The thing that really bugs me is the fact that someone else delivered the material. I know Eric's schedule pretty well, and I know his days off, and that wasn't one of them. So why didn't he deliver the materials?" Hmm, that's a really good question. Although I think she's jumping to conclusions a little too fast.

"Sweetie, his schedule could've been changed, or maybe he took some vacation time? Just because he didn't show up this one time it doesn't mean he's going out of his way to avoid you." She looks a little relieved that someone said that out loud. See, I know my little sister very well. I can also tell she's worried about something else altogether. "Dawn, I don't mean to go all 'Mom' on you, but you did remember to use protection right?" Because her getting pregnant from a one night stand, again, would definitely not be good for her mental health. She just rolls her eyes, and sighs a big 'oh my God' type of sigh. I'll take that as a yes. "And you're doing ok? You know there haven't been any…surprises? No bumps or redness or…itchiness?" She looks totally grossed out, and trust me I'm blushing. I had to ask though. She's my little sister, there's no way I could not have asked you know?

"Everything's fine Buffy. I'm just worried about Michael." Oh, ok. Why didn't I think of that? "The boys are going to his place in two weeks for the first time ever, and I'm feeling very nervous about it. I'm taking that week off of work and I'm going to stay in LA just in case. I've been to the house, and he has a really nice set up there. The boys have to share a bedroom but they'll be fine. They have their own beds, and plenty of things to do. I gave him a list of all the things they're allergic to, and the number to their doctor just in case he forgets. But I'm still totally freaked out. What if they don't want to come home? What if they like it there better with him?" Awww, my poor little sister. Sometimes she's just too cute. I wipe my hands off on the dishrag and give her a big hug.

"Sweetheart, don't worry about it. You're their mom and they love you very much. Everything is going to be new and exciting so they might not want to leave but they're just babies. They're not trying to hurt your feelings if they say they want to stay." We hug for a minute or two longer and then we let go. I get back to cooking, and she goes back to watching me. She could help out a little bit. I have some more bread that needs to be sliced. But whatever. I kind of want to make this all by myself for some reason. "Have you thought about what I said? You know, about getting a dog to keep you company while they're gone?" She nods her head a little and runs her fingers through her hair. It's getting really long again. I wonder if she's going to get it cut soon. Dawn only grows it out like this so she can get a lot of stuff done to it.

"Yeah, I've thought about it. I'm going to wait though. I'm staying in LA the first week and then we're coming home. We still haven't decided if he's going to pick them up or if I'm going to drop them off. I think I should drop them off and he should bring them back, but I don't know exactly what he wants to do. We'll talk about it while I'm there. But anyway, yes I'm going to adopt a puppy from the pound. I think it would be a nice surprise for the boys. They're always asking for one, especially when they see the neighbors' dog running around in the front yard." I nod my head a little bit and now things are quiet. I glance over at Dawn and she looks a little better. I think now that she's talked about it she'll be fine. She was keeping all of that bottled in and that's not good for anyone. I think maybe she just needs to start coming over here more, and she'll be a little less lonely. Here's hopin.

FPOV

I kinda forgot how…therapeutic this whole training other slayers can be. I had a bad day at work 'cause Brittany came in and start making drama. I guess my dad's been spending more time at the shop then he's been letting on 'cause she was really pissed. She was yellin at him about how Gracie is his daughter too and he needs to be at home more so he can help take care of her. My dad is kinda old school about that stuff though. You know, those guys that think the husband brings home the bacon and the wife takes care of the kids. Whenever I go over to his place I see him spending time with Gracie. He reads to her, and plays with her, and all the stuff he used to do with me. I hate to admit that I'm a little jealous, but I am.

Anyway, after work I got to deal with a shit load of traffic. I guess there was some accident where some dumbass served so he wouldn't hit a squirrel so the whole road had to be shut down. It took me almost an hour to get to the apartments for training, and from the shop it's normally a fifteen minute drive. But whatever. It isn't just the thing at work that's been buggin me. Ruby died last night. Yeah, I know, it's really fuckin sad. None of us were expectin it, that's for damn sure. I mean, if it had been Tucker none of us would've been surprised because he's old. But Ruby? She's still a baby compared to him. And she was Addy's buddy. She slept in Addy's room with her, and they played together all the time. Sure Addy goes to school so they never really bonded like Mattie and Tucker, but the first thing Addy does when she gets home is give her pal a hug.

I just keep goin over it and over it in my head. B made lasagna and she makes some fuckin good lasagna too. Dawn and her rugrats had dinner with us, and we had some really nice wine. Everyone was just so…happy and relaxed. The dogs go outside when we eat dinner 'cause if we don't put 'em out they just sit at the kitchen doorway and whine for food. I saved two pieces of the special lasagna that B always makes me. It has a thick layer of beef 'cause I like mine with a little meat to it. Anyway, I saved some pieces 'cause I always save a piece each for the dogs whenever she makes it. I don't give them leftovers very often 'cause there usually isn't any left to give him. Slayer family, remember? We eat whatever's put in front of us.

Dawn was talkin to B about the guy I guess she's dating now. B said something about the two of 'em sleepin together but I don't know they're a couple or not. I've never heard of the guy before so I don't know. The kids were busy talking to each other and just goofing around. We were finished eating, but even after we eat we still sit at the table and talk for a while, you know? So while they were doin that I got up and put the big pieces of lasagna in the food bowls. I went out onto the deck and I could hear everyone laughin even after I shut the back door. Everything looked normal enough. Tucker was lying on his dog bed thing that we have our there, and as soon as I opened the door he got up 'cause he smelt the food. I didn't see Ruby though, which was really weird.

I put the bowls down and called him over. He started eating his, and I called out for Ruby. She wasn't anywhere on the deck. The deck is pretty fuckin big so she could've been somewhere else sleeping or whatever, but she wasn't. I looked over towards the stairs that lead down to the yard and I stopped breathing. See, I built a gate on the deck so the dogs, and the kids can't go out into the backyard unless me or B unlocks it. We always make sure to close it when we go in the house because of the wild animals that can get in the yard. But the gate was open, and Ruby was lying in the grass not moving. I walked out there to see what was wrong. I was talking to her like I normally do, but she didn't move. I crouched down next to her, and nudged her shoulder but she still didn't move. That's when I noticed she wasn't breathing. I reached down and touched her chest and I couldn't feel a heartbeat.

I felt like my heart stopped for a few minutes. All I could do was just sit there and stare at her. It was just so fuckin weird. It didn't make any fuckin sense. It still kind of doesn't. I just can't wrap my fuckin mind around it. I mean, this dog was just so full of life, you know? She was always ready for anything. If we were going out in the backyard to swim she was right there ready to jump in the water. In the morning when I get up a little early so I can go for a jog she's already at the door waiting for me to hurry my ass up. And just a little while before this I was practically pushing her out the back door because she wanted to stay inside with her people, and then when I go back outside to give them a treat, she's just fucking dead? I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. Mostly because it was my fault. As soon as I saw that the gate was open I knew I was the one who left it open.

One of the things B had me do to make up for staying out all night was fix part of the fence. We have a wooden fence all around the backyard but she wanted me to put up some chicken wire so that the wild animals can't get through the fence. After I was done I remember having Mattie take the stuff back into the house and I just sat out for a while. I remember goin back into the house but I don't remember closing the gate. Anyway, I started checking her over, trying to see if there were any wounds or anything. I couldn't see any blood so I knew she didn't get in a fight or anything with another dog or a coyote. But then I saw the two little puncture marks on her right leg. She got bit by a rattlesnake and it was all my fault. B's been bitching at me for weeks to put up the chicken wire so snakes can't get in but I dragged my ass 'cause I put up that gate so the kids can't get into the yard without us.

After I saw the marks I got up and turned around. I was breathin again but it was slow, and really deep. I was tryin so fuckin hard not to throw up. It's one thing having a dog die of old age 'cause it's just what happens. But when a dog dies and it's your fault? That's totally fucked up. I walked back up to the deck and Tucker eaten everything out of both bowls. He wanted me to pet him, but I pushed him out of the way and walked back into the house. I didn't say a fuckin word to anyone. I just went out to the garage and pulled out the pack of cigarettes I have out there. I went back outside and lit one up. I closed my eyes as I felt the familiar and calming feeling of the nicotine wash over me. I heard the door open but I didn't flinch. B hates it when I smoke and she's always on my ass to quit, that's why I hide the pack, but tonight I didn't give a fuck.

But she wasn't the one who came outside. It was Addy. She asked me what was wrong, but I didn't say anything. I just told her to go back in the house. She didn't listen though, 'cause she's a little shit like that. Then she saw her dog lyin there not moving and she ran out into the yard. I didn't want her to find out until I was calm. I have no idea what the fuck I was gonna say, but I would've come up with somethin. But it was too late. I tossed my cigarette onto the deck and stomped it out and I took off after her. I didn't want her seeing that shit. But she's gotten really fast, and she was at Ruby's side telling her to get up before I was even on the grass. It was the saddest fuckin thing I've ever seen. Addy was crouched over, pullin on Ruby's fur, telling her over and over to get up, but she wasn't moving.

Then she saw the bite marks on her dog's leg and she just fuckin lost it. She started screaming, and crying, and kicking the ground. I reached down and picked her up. She was still kicking and she tried to hit me, but I didn't put her down. I just pulled her to me, and wrapped her up in a huge hug. All she could say was 'Mama no', and she said it over and over and over and over until they didn't even sound like words anymore. I start crying too 'cause of how much pain she was in. My baby girl was hurting bad and it was my fuckin fault. I could blame the snake for it, but that would be retarded. I'm the one who didn't snake proof the back fence and one got in. Rattlesnakes only bite when they feel threatened so Ruby was probably fuckin with it and dogs don't know any better.

I walked back onto the deck, and sat down on one of the chairs. I adjusted Addy so she was curled up in my lap, and her face was buried in my neck. I lit up another cigarette, and tried as best I could to keep the smoke away from her, but I'm sure she inhaled a little. I don't smoke around my kids but I really fuckin needed on right then. I just couldn't get any of it to sink in. Ruby was dead, I was on the one who found the body, but it didn't feel real to me. It felt like someone was playin a sick joke. Or like when someone delivers bad news at first you don't want to believe it, you go through denial or whatever, but then you finally do. Well, I still couldn't believe it. I was stuck in that denial even though I wanted out. Anyway, Addy finally calmed down after a while, and I just sat there holding her. I was on my third cigarette but I was nowhere near feeling better.

I don't know how long we were like that but B came out wonderin what was going on. She figured it out pretty quick and she left us alone. She didn't even say anything about the fact that I was smoking. I have to give her some props 'cause I could tell she wanted to say something, but she didn't. After I finished that third cigarette I finally felt calm, we went into the house and I had her wash her face off with a washrag and some cold water. After she did that I sent her to bed. Told her she could stay home the next day 'cause who wants to go to school the day after their dog dies? B heard me say that to her, but she kept her mouth shut until the bedroom door was closed. She told me she can't miss any school, but I told her to just drop it. I was being mean, I'll admit that, but I didn't care. I had some other shit on my mind, you know?

Then I went downstairs and into the garage and got a shovel. I went into the backyard, over to the big shade tree and dug a hole. It was pretty deep, about four and a half feet. I wanted it nice and deep 'cause if coyotes get into the yard they'll dig up the body, and that's just fucked up. I was on auto polite by the time I finished digging. It was really dark, and the only light I had was from the porch light, and the glow comin from the kitchen. When I walk over to the body I saw Tucker laying by Ruby, and he was whining. It's this little high pitched whine that he only does when we leave the house. I guess he knew what was going on and was sad too. Then again animals are good at pickin up people's feelings so maybe he was just doing that. I don't know.

After I buried her I went back into the house, and got a shower. The kids were already in bed and judging by the sobs coming from Mattie's room I guess Buffy told them what happened. He's old enough now to understand what death is, and he knows exactly what a rattlesnake bite can do. Anyway, after my shower I went into my room and put on a night shirt. It's just a really baggy t-shirt that I've had for years. I didn't even bother drying my hair off. I just got in bed and shut out my light. After a couple minutes Buffy came in and didn't say anything. She just changed into her pajamas and got in bed. She tried talking to me, tried to get me to open up and show how bad I was hurting, but I wouldn't. I just said: 'that's what happens when you live in a desert. No big deal.' I felt like an asshole even as I said it.

It's not like I've ever buried a dog before, and I'm not dealin with it well. At least B doesn't think so. The thing that's killin me though is the fact that next week I have an appointment with the vet to have Tucker put down. He's so old and arthritic that his quality of life is almost zero, and it isn't fair. I don't know if I should put it off or not though. It doesn't seem fair that he should suffer because we're hurting. Ruby dying fucking sucks, and yeah it hurts really bad, but it's different. We've had Tucker for eleven years. Eleven fucking years. He's my first dog, all of the kids' first dog, and putting him down is going to be like watching a family member die. I don't know what to do, and it's killin me trying to make a decision. I don't wanna think about this anymore.

So like I was saying before I went all flashback on your ass, training the girls is proving to be very therapeutic. I've been holding back a little bit since they don't have the experience that I do, but just sparring with 'em like this is making me feel a little better. I thought I was gonna have some problems with Carmen not only 'cause of that 'don't fuck with me' vibe she's had goin on since I met her, but because of her file. Apparently she doesn't get along with any of her teachers, and she doesn't play by the rules. I also thought that maybe I'd get some lip from Michaela, or Joy 'cause they don't take shit from anyone. Michaela and Carmen fight all the fuckin time and it's getting on my nerves. Joy will jump in if she's around, but the fights don't last long and they never turn physical. Those three have been fine as far as I'm concerned.

Nope, it's Shea that's been a bitch about everything. She doesn't want to do her school work, she doesn't want to spar, and getting to her patrol is like pulling teeth. All she wants to fuckin do is sit up in her room and listen to music. Now I've met a lot of headstrong slayers in my time, and not all of 'em wanted to spar, and do their work or whatever, but I've never met a slayer that doesn't like patrolling. I even offered a private lesson. I said I'd take her out, just the two of us, and I would hang back and let her handle things by herself unless she needed the help, but she turned it down. She's cocky too, and that's a real problem for me. There's just something about a cocky, arrogant, I-think-I'm-better-then-you slayer that I hate so much. Probably 'cause that's how I used to be and I know how wrong they are.

So it makes me feel really fuckin good every time I pin this little brat to the floor. We've been sparring for about an hour now, and I've pinned her four times. She just keeps getting more and more pissed off, but she's not using it to her advantage. She keeps going in blind instead of using the rage as fuel. And the more pissed off she gets the more energy I have, and the better it feels when I beat her. To me the sparring isn't just about winning or losing. I do want the girls to learn something because it could help them on patrol, but with her it's about the winning, and wiping that smug look off her face. I get into a fighting stance and we start circling each other. We were talking before but after I pinned her for the fourth time we've been quiet. She wants to take me down, but it's not gonna happen.

She lunges forward with a punch, kick combo that's pretty fuckin hard to block but I block it. I grab her by the arm and twist. She follows with the rest of her body to avoid a dislocated shoulder and I punch her right above her kidney. She winces in pain and I let go. She stumbles forward and turns around. She looks pissed off and hurt, and it's making me smile a little bit. We start circling again, and again I just wait. She's pretty impatient so it won't take her long to attack again. She comes flying at me again, only this time she lands a punch. I thought she was gonna go with a left, but she fuckin uppercut me with a right. I stumble, and can't regain my balance fast enough and she takes advantage. She starts punching and kicking with a fury I've never seen before. She's landing all sorts of blows and I can't block most of them.

I'm on the mat, and she's standing next to me. Whenever one person goes down you're supposed to back off so they can get up, but now she made a big mistake. I'm not playin by the rules and she still hasn't caught on. Before she has time to react I kick my foot out and knock her onto her ass. I roll and land on top of her. I start hitting her, and I'm screamin my fuckin head off. What the fuck is wrong with me?! Why didn't I just close that fucking gate?! Am I so fucking lazy that I can't just pull a gate closed and lock it?! That could've been one of my kids! Joey couldn't wandered off 'cause he likes sneaking out of the house when no one's lookin. He could've gone down there and gotten bit! He could be fuckin dead right now and it's all my fault!

"Faith!" I hear Lily scream, but I don't look back. All I can see is Ruby's dead body just lying there in the grass, those two little bite marks on her leg with some blood dripping down. She must've been in so much pain. Rattlesnake bites fuckin hurt, and there's no way she had a peaceful death. That's no fucking right! That's no how it's supposed to happen! I feel someone grab me, more then someone, I feel two sets of hands on me, and they're dragging my ass off of Shea. I don't fight them because what they're doin snaps me back to reality. I look over at the girl on the mat and she's bleeding but she'll be fine. "Come on. Something's bothering you and you're not gonna spar anymore." What gives her the right to fuckin boss me around? "You guys take Shea to the bathroom and help her get washed up. Then go to your rooms and do your homework. If you finished it already just watch TV or something."

I feel her tug on my arm a little bit, and I follow her. I'm not gonna fight her on this 'cause what's the point? She's right, I am fucked up right now and I shouldn't be sparring with some fuckin high schoolers who were sent here because they're having a hard time with the training. What the fuck is the matter with me? I follow Lily over to the elevator and we get in. She pushes the number five button and we're quiet the whole ride up. I'm still kinda zoning out and it's hard to pay attention to anything. Every time I blink I see my dog lying there in the grass not moving and this guilt hurts so fucking bad. She died slow and she was in pain, I would have to be psychotic not to feel guilty about that. And we were all inside when it was happening. All we had to do was look out the fucking window and we would've seen that the gate was open. I was the one who put the dogs out back in the first place. I should've checked to see if the gate was closed or not.

"You wanna tell me what's wrong?" she says when we walk into her room. I try to walk over to the couch but Jasper, the stupid cat, keeps rubbing on my legs. I hate it when cats do that. I fight the urge to kick him and manage to get over to the recliner. I sit down and he jumps up in my lap. He starts purring and rubbing against my arms. Fucking bastard. Just go away! I don't push him off of me though. I start petting him, and he calms down a little. He isn't rubbing against me anymore. He just lies down and purrs like he's the happiest cat in the world. He isn't so bad. He was starting to become friends with Ruby. I usually just walked here from my house, and I'd bring her with me. It's a kind of long ways to walk and this way I wouldn't have to walk her when I got home. Guess I don't have to worry about that anymore.

"My dog died last night," I tell her and she tenses up. She hands me a beer and I take a long swig. "I put up a gate on our deck so the dogs couldn't go out into the yard 'cause this is the desert and you gotta watch out for snakes." I look up at her and she nods her head a little bit. I guess she didn't know that. I keep petting the cat and I'm starting to calm down a tiny bit. "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. It's just so stupid. I didn't close the gate. I don't even remember not doing it, you know? I did it whenever I walked back onto the deck so I don't know why I forgot. But I did. And last night I put the dogs outside and she ran out into the yard. Probably just to go run around, or whatever. But when I went out there she was dead. Rattlesnake bit her on the leg." I chug the beer until it's gone, and I set the can down on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry, man. That really sucks," she says and I just nod my head. We sit here and don't say anything. Now that I told someone I feel a little better. I keep petting the cat, running my fingers through his long fur, and he just keeps purring. The sound is kind of soothing and now I get the appeal of having a cat. I've heard before that owning one can actually lower your blood pressure and all of that shit because just petting them and hearing the purr is a calming thing, but I never thought it actually worked. I watch as she gets up and walks towards the kitchen. Jasper jumps off my lap and starts rubbing against her legs just like he was doing to me. I ask her why he does that, and she sighs a little bit. "I don't know. I think it does it to tell you he likes you, but who knows?" Hmm, that's a weird way to tell someone you like them. But whatever. I'm not a cat so I guess it doesn't matter.

JPOV

Day 2559 of my captivity:

My captor continues to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. She waves them in front of my face, and when I try to grab them from her she pulls them away, and smiles. It is frustrating to no end. Yesterday I managed to take one from her hand, and she laughed at me in a patronizing way. Being in this place with her is almost as bad as the last place. This one is a little larger with more places to hide and that makes coping easier. I've tried communicating with the cats on the outside but the windows are too thick, and we're up too high off the ground for them to hear me. Tomorrow I'll try sending out a message and I hope it makes it. I don't know how much longer I can last.

She dines lavishly on fresh meat, while I am fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. This does nothing however, and I feel like my efforts are becoming futile. Suicide is a likely option. I've already attempted it once when I was younger by chewing on an electrical cord. My captor punished me by placing me in a small cage whenever she left. Being in that little box all day was far worst then my original sentence, and in an effort to avoid it I've stopped the suicide attempts.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at her feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into her heart, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, she merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! I am starting to believe she is mentally retarded. There's no other explanation for it. Does she not realize I could do the same to her at any given moment? Maybe hunting down a larger prey will show her the truth.

There was some sort of assembly of her accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentor's accomplices today by weaving around her feet as she was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoner is a flunky. The dog of the accomplice receives special privileges. She is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. She is obviously retarded! I've tried befriending her in an attempt to gain her trust. My plan is to have her distract the captor and anyone else who happens to be around while I make my escape. They've obviously caught on to my plan for the accomplice left her behind. As long as I remain unable to open the door myself I must let my captor live. She will remain safe……..for now.


	79. Lucy, I'm Home!

Ok, so there's something a little different about this chapter. For creative purposes it's only three pov's long instead of the usual four. And yes I know I'm evil.

This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has ever asked why Matthew hates Xander. Enjoy.

* * *

**One Month Later. **BPOV

If this day were any longer I'd swear I was in hell. Or maybe Andrew went "evil" again and decided to mess with me like he did when he was a trio member. Nah, he wouldn't do that. Because he knows if Faith found out she'd tease him to death and he's too fragile for her insults. I remember when we were getting the slayer school set up those two would be arguing like kids, and Faith would make a trekkie joke and he'd get this little tear in the corner of his eye that he'd try to wipe away without anyone noticing, but of course we all did and Faith would be smug for the rest of the day. I haven't talked to Andrew in a really long time. Maybe I should call, see how he's doing? Or maybe I can just ask Giles instead of listening to Andrew go on and on about pointless things for three hours.

Anyway, back to what I was complaining about. Today was possibly the longest day in the history of the earth. I'm sure scientists everywhere are baffled by this but I'm not. This is karma kicking me in the ass. A month ago Ruby died, but you already know that. That was just so awful, and it's been really hard on everyone. But what's worst is Faith didn't think it was fair to let Tucker suffer because we were all grief stricken, so only a week after Ruby was killed, she took Tucker into the vet, and had him put to sleep. She told Matthew about it before she did it, but she wouldn't let him go with her. She really didn't think he should be there to see his dog die, and I was a little mad at her for that. The way she handled it was completely fucked up and I was pissed off at her for it.

She told Matthew that he needed to be put down because he was old, and his quality of life was so far gone it wasn't fair keeping him alive anymore. Matthew was upset of course because he's had that dog since he was two. That was his dog, you know? But she didn't tell him when the appointment was, and while he was at school she took Tucker, and when Matthew got home he freaked out. He didn't get to say goodbye to his first best friend, and we were both really pissed off at her. She acted like a complete asshole about it too, but I know it was because she was upset. She was defensive about her decision because she thinks it was the right one, and she was so fucking sad because Tucker was her first dog too. What she didn't need right then was a verbal attack from me telling her how horrible she was for not letting her son say goodbye to his dog.

All of that happened a couple of weeks ago, and I'm paying for it now. I was stuck in traffic for two hours so I was late for work. Normally that wouldn't be a problem. I would've just apologized to all of the women who missed out and given them a free session. Sounds fair right? But that's not why I needed to be at work on time. See today I had to cancel the classes because a building inspector was coming to make sure we were up to par with all of the safety codes or whatever. Giles had the building put into my name for legal issues so I really needed to be there. Not only was the person not there when I finally showed up, but there was a notice duck taped to the door stating the building will be shut down until the inspection can be done. I've already lost a lot of business from when I shut the class down while Faith was missing. I have no idea how I'm going to get the bills paid this month.

And it wasn't just that I had to put up with. I had a lot of other stuff I had to get done too. One thing Faith really didn't think about when she suggested setting up the slayer outreach program, was how much food a slayer eats. Now multiply that by however many slayers are living in that damn building, and that equals a lot of fucking food. We have to shop every week for groceries. Normally Faith does it because the program is like her baby or something, and I do my best to but out. But today she had a very heavy work load because she told her dad to take the day off since Brittany has been complaining about how much time he's spending at the shop, so I offered to do the shopping for her. Little did I know that the store was having some kind of sale and, I swear half the women in Vegas showed up for it. I had to steal someone else's cart because there were none left. I hope she wasn't an old woman, I would feel really bad.

I had to make a really tough decision at the store, and I know how dumb that sounds so just let me explain. Outside of the store a person was sitting down in one of those foldable lawn chairs, and right in front of them in a cardboard box was a litter of puppies. They were all so cute I wanted to kiss their little faces, but I didn't because that would've been insane. Instead I seriously thought about paying the twenty dollars the guy was asking for and taking home the little white one. He said they were part German Shepherd and part Husky so they're going to be big dogs, but that wouldn't have mattered really. We have a huge backyard and a big house so that wasn't really a concern. I had to really think about it though, but I finally decided against it. It's too soon to bring another dog into the house, and I if were coming home with a little puppy Faith and Matthew would both freak out. I'm sure Addison and Joseph would've loved it because kids love cute puppies.

Anyway, after I went shopping and dropped off all the food at the apartments and put everything away, I stopped by Willow's to see how she's been. Her parents have been staying at her place for the last month and she's going a little insane. Sky loves it because she gets along great with Will's parents, but she's starting to get a little grouchy. The baby keeps her up at night kicking and moving around so she's always tired which is becoming a problem for her because she's cranky when she's tired. After I went to Willow's I stopped by Dawn's and helped her go through some designs for the new lineup. She's been a little scatterbrained because the boys have been going over to Michael's every other week and she's not dealing with it very well. I did the whole 'sisterly support' thing, which I think worked out very well. She was definitely a lot more cheerful when I left then when I showed up. When I left Dawn's I ran to the bank, and now I'm on my way home.

My day was pretty full and a little stressful and now I just want to go home, and soak in the tub for a while. I want to be there for my friends and family because that's what good friends and sister do, but it's a little draining helping someone who's upset. And today I helped out both Willow and Dawn so my nerves are a little fried. I just want to kiss my wife, have some dinner and take a bath. I can bathe the kids tomorrow. They don't have school tomorrow it won't matter if they smell a little bit. What the fuck is this shit?! My business has been temporarily shut down, I almost got hit in the head with a purse because some woman wanted the last frozen chicken just a little too badly, and I had to listen to my best friend and sister whine about their problems and now this shit?! I'm going to fucking kill whoever parked in my spot. That's my driveway dammit! The spot next to Faith's with the oil stain is mine!

I park my car next to the curve where that piece of shit Ford should be, and I stomp up the driveway. I don't care if I look like a spoiled eight-year-old right now. This person needs to learn some fucking manners and one of them is you don't park in someone else's driveway. Who the hell is it anyway? I don't recognize the car and I think it's a rental. I didn't really look at the license plate, but why would someone purposely drive one of those ugly things? So if it's a rental then who is here? I really hope karma decides to stay the hell out of my personal life and my dad isn't sitting in my living room waiting for me to come home because that is so the kind of day I've been having. No, he can just stay with whatever tramp he's with now and leave me the hell alone. I really don't need that shit today.

I open the door and force myself not to slam it closed. I don't want to seem overdramatic or anything. I put my purse and keys on the little table and just stand here. It does feel really good to be home, I'll admit that. I know I missed dinner because it's now eight o' clock and we always eat at seven. I know Faith saved me a plate because we do that for each other. I probably should've called and said I was going to be late, but when you're listening to your sister get really upset about the fact that her babies are all the way in LA with their father and probably having a really good time and she's missing out on all of those moments it's pretty rude to keep looking at the clock. I didn't even know it was this late until I looked at my watch. But I'm sure she's not mad. It would be very hypocritical of her to get pissed off at me for being a couple hours late, when she stayed out all night not so long ago.

I can hear to talking to someone but I can't make out the other person's voice. She's talking to a guy, I know that much but I can't hear what he's saying. It doesn't really matter. I'm so tired from everything I just want to head upstairs without even seeing who it is. But I'm Buffy, remember? I have to know everything. So instead of sneaking upstairs, hugging my kids, and then getting a nice warm bubble bath, I walk towards the living room. The closer I get the louder their voices become and that voice is very familiar. So familiar that I already know who it is before I take one step into the living room. Faith is sitting in her recliner and I roll my eyes a little bit. Her ass has been glued to that thing since she had Tucker put down. After dinner she would come in here, kick her shoes off, sit in that ugly chair, and turn on a game. I'm very glad that the TV is off, and she's smiling again.

"Oh my God, Xander!" I yell a lot louder then I meant to. They both look over at me like I'm completely insane but I don't care. They both stand up and I instantly run over and wrap him up in a big bear hug. He wraps his arms around me, and I can't help but smile. I didn't realized how much I've missed him until just now. Xander's like the big brother I never had, and I feel like an ass for not keeping in touch with him. After a minute or two we pull back from the hug and I can't wipe the huge smile I have on my face. He's smiling too and it feels good to see it. He looks really tired though, and he has the whole five o' clock shadow going on. He looks really skinny, but that could be from all of the stress he's been going through. "When did you get here?"

"About fifteen minutes ago," he says and he still has a big smile on his face. "I'm going to go surprise Willow next." That's a great idea. I'm sure seeing Xander will cheer her up a lot. "I'm sorry for not calling but it's my week with Miranda and I needed to get away from home for a few days." Faith and I reassure him at the same that it's completely ok for him to just drop by like this. Faith starts talking about how tomorrow night we should all go out to dinner together to celebrate. That sounds really fun, and I'm sure we can make it just us grown ups. I'm sure the slayerettes wouldn't mind babysitting for us. Joey loves being around the girls because they shower my baby boy with affection. I'm still smiling even as Xander calls Miranda down so they can leave. I wanna tell him so much but I don't even know what to say. I'm completely speechless and I still can't believe it. Xander is here!

FPOV

I can't fucking believe this. Can you fucking believe this? Xan-man is here! That's right ladies and gents, and drove for fuckin twelve hours to get here. Well, not twelve hours straight. He went down to LA, which is like nine hours from Redding depending on how much traffic there is. Then he drove the rest of the way here. He was still fuckin tired as hell, and not just from all the driving. This shit with is ex has him completely worn out. I've never seen him like this before. Xander's always had this light in his eyes…well now it's eye, but that's gone. It's like Katie reached in and stole everything from inside. Like a succubus. Hmmm, maybe I should look into that? I should pay her a little visit, get her side of the story and see if I get any evil vibes from her. I never did in the past but she coulda been doin like a cloaking spell. Nah, 'cause Red woulda picked up on that shit right away.

But none of that shit really matters. Past is past, and there's nothing that can be done about it now. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the guy but right now isn't about dwelling on it. Xander came here to get away from all of the bad feelings. So I'm takin the day off today so I can show X-man around the town. I talked to my dad about it and he was a little pissed at first, but he understands that Xander is important to me and I haven't been able to hang out with him in a long time. I showed him around the shop, and he thought it was pretty badass. I took him for a spin on one of the bikes, which we're not supposed to do but since when do I follow rules all the time? We give our clients a free tank of gas when they pick up their bikes so it's not like they got a lot to complain about.

We're not at the shop anymore though. After I showed him what I do for a living and how fuckin pimp I am, we just kinda drove around. I'm gonna take him over to Jake's later so we can just hang out. I'm sure Xander and Jake will get along, and if not we can just watch a game on the big screen and shoot some pool. Right now we're at the school, sitting on the bleachers, and watchin Mattie. It's football practice right now, and my little man is kicking ass like normal. Nah, he's not kicking ass or anything. Me and B encourage him to act like a normal kid during practice but he always shows off a little bit. Buffy doesn't like him showin off but I tell him it's ok as long as it's only a little and he doesn't get cocky. Anyway, I take a sip of my soda and give Xander a look like he's out of his damn mind.

"Come on, man, what the fuck is the problem? B's not gonna care if we go out this weekend. Hell, she might call up the babysitter and tag along." I know that's not gonna happen 'cause B would never go to a place like that even if I begged her. And trust me, I have. I hear the coach blow that stupid whistle and I look over. All of the boys drop down to the ground and start doin pushups. I guess they messed something up. I feel bad for the other kids but Mattie can handle it. We do way more then just twenty push ups, and all of this training, every week. He isn't as into slaying as we thought he was gonna be but I'm sure his instincts and the urge to slay something will be kicking in soon.

"I don't know Faith. Going to a strip club sounds……fun." Fuck yes it does. "But it might be a little weird." Why the fuck would it be weird? "I know we've always been best buds." I guess we can say that. I mean, we've always been kinda close but I always thought Ken was my best friend. Man, I fuckin miss hanging out with her. Maybe I can convince her to settle down with Queenie and move here? I'll have to look into that later. "It's just…you're a girl so it would be a little strange having you there watching me watch other girls." Fuck that shit. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

"Trust me, X-man, we go to a strip club and you're the last person I'm gonna be keeping my eyes on." I give him a playful smile and bump his shoulder with my own. He has kind of a point. It might be a little weird at first but I'm sure once we have a couple drinks and relax everything will be fine. "Just chill Xander. You think too much. It'll only be weird if you think it's weird. Just relax about it and it'll be fine." He nods his head a little bit and takes a sip of his soda. I watch the field again 'cause practice is gonna be ending soon. Normally Mattie walks home with Lucas, but I thought I'd surprise him. He hasn't seen Xander in fuckin forever so I think I'll let him ride in my car even though he's all sweaty and gross. I can always just spray some Fabreeze or something later.

"I guess it would be fun," he says and I squeal on the inside. There's no way in hell I'm letting that girliness out. I do have a rep to keep up, you know? He's looking down at his feet and he's startin to look a little sad. I guess he's thinking about being with Katie. I know that look of longing and pain. I used to wear it all the time when B and me were on the outs and I was livin at his place for a while. He still hasn't said anything about why they broke up, but I haven't asked yet. I figure maybe if I can get him around some hot girls, and get some booze in him he'll open right up. But right now definitely ain't the time for a heart to heart since football practice just ended. I nudge him with my shoulder to get his attention and he looks a little startled. I guess wherever his mind went to must've been pretty intense.

"It'll be fun, trust me. We'll go out, find a nice lookin club, get a couple a drinks and it'll be just like old times." He gives me a weird look as we stand up and start walking down towards the field. "Well, kinda like old times. Only instead of tearin ass on the dance floor we'll be sittin on our asses while gettin lap dances." I smile a charming smile and wiggle my eyebrows. That does the trick and he has a big smile on his face now too. We stand on the edge of the field and wait for the boys to finish drinking from the fountain. Well, it's not really a fountain. It's a long ass pvc pipe with holes cut in it, and a hose with holes cut in the same spots runs through it. So when you turn the water on it shoots out the holes and the kids can get some water. They look like farm animals or somethin, all lined bent over a little and drinking as much as they can. "Matt, over here!" I wave my arm so he sees me and waves back a little.

"I think you just became the embarrassing mom who tries too hard," Xander says and chuckles a little bit. I laugh too and shake my head. I try not to embarrass my kids but it's gonna happen no matter what, so why fight it? He used to embarrass me all the fuckin time at the park, especially with what I had to say. B didn't want me yellin at him 'cause "it'll ruin his self esteem, Faith". So instead of saying "we're at the park, keep your pants on" I had to say "big boys don't pull down their pants in public". Yeah, talk about embarrassing. But I'll definitely get him back the next time he brings a girl home. That's right, Buffy finally got her wish and Mattie and Ashley split up. It happened a couple weeks ago and trust me, he was devastated. He stayed in his room the entire weekend just moping, and he didn't want to come out or eat anything or do anything but lie in bed. Buffy was getting all worried, but come on, seriously?

She finally complained enough that I gave in and had a heart to heart with him. We sat out on the deck one night and I didn't really know what to say at first. We sat there for about fifteen minutes just enjoying the cool night air. At least I was. He wanted to go back to bed. I took another drink of my beer and let out a big sigh that got his attention, and I explained how women are pretty awesome but sometimes they really suck. I told him how breaking up with a girl can feel like the end of the world but later in life when he meets the person he's supposed to be with then he'll back and be glad that she dumped him. Yeah, she dumped him. The nerve of that little twat. But whatever, we're all over it now. Except for Buffy. Say a name that just begins with an A and she gets pissed. It's actually kinda funny.

"Hey, you kicked ass today." That's the first thing out of my mouth when my boy walks up to us. He doesn't say anything back though, he just stares at Xander. I can instantly feel the tension comin off of him in fuckin waves. God, he still hates Xander? What the fuck happened that was so bad that Mattie fuckin hates him? He's never really liked Xander all that much, and then when he was little something must've happened 'cause he's hated Xander ever since. I don't know what happened but it couldn't have been that bad. X-man would never do anything to hurt my boy in any way, shape, or form 'cause he knows B would whoop his ass and I'd him off. Ok, so how am I gonna break this tension? "You remember your uncle Xander, right?" Of course he does, but it's been so fuckin long since Xander's been here. He was here for Addy's third birthday party but that was it.

"Yeah," he says and he squares his shoulders a little bit. His muscles are pretty fuckin tense and I don't like that look in his eyes at all. That's the same look B gets when we go slaying together and she gets into "hunting mode". I glance over at Xander and he looks a little…shocked I guess but he's also squaring his shoulders. These guys are so fucking……male, I guess is the right way to put it. They're sizing each other up like cavemen about to fight over a woman or somethin. I'm surprised they haven't whipped 'em out and started markin territory. They're thinking with that primal side of 'em instead the human side and that's gonna get us nowhere fast. I'll definitely have to talk to him about this later. I wanna know if some shit went down or not, and if it did then I need to have a little talk with Patch Adams over here.

"Why don't we head back to the house and you can grad a shower and we'll get somethin to eat?" I ask and he looks over at me. He doesn't look happy at all. What is up with him? I've never seen him look so……territorial before. He nods his head a little bit and picks up his gym bag. We start walking towards the car and I let out a sigh. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. It's fuckin obvious Mattie has some issues with Xander and this isn't helping. But fuck that. The only way Mattie's ever gonna get over whatever the fuck happened is if he spends time with Xander and sees he's a pretty cool guy. They both nod their heads and we start walking towards the parking lot. I'm ahead of them so I don't see what happens but I hear something scrape against the pavement and then I hear:

"Watch where you're fucking going." Mattie just said that. I've never heard him sound so fuckin hateful in my entire life. And it isn't so much what he said, but it's how he said it. I whip around so fast my head would've kept goin if it wasn't attached to my neck. My eyebrows furrow when I see Xander getting up off the ground and Mattie just standing there looking like a total dick. Before I can think of something to say Xander's up and really pissed off.

"How about having some manners for a change? I don't know what your problem is but that's no way to talk in front of your mom." I have to force myself not to roll my eyes. And here comes poppa bear Xander. Mattie gets right in his face and I swear to God they look like two pit bulls sizing each other up. Well, more like a pit bull and a cocker spaniel 'cause Xander will definitely get his ass handed to him if this gets violent.

"Guys, let's just calm the fuck down," I say but no one hears me because Mattie is too busy talking at the same time. I hate it when shit like that happens.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Mattie asks and throws his gym bag to the ground. What I wanna know is who the fuck does he think he is? I thought I taught him better then this. I guess I was fuckin wrong. "You think you're my dad or something? 'Cause your fucking not. So why don't you go back home where you fucking belong." I thought I at least taught him to leave off the 'g' on fucking because it sounds way cooler when you do.

"I think you need to take a step back because you're way outta line. You should know by now not to talk to people this way." Fuck, Xander doesn't know how to help worth shit.

"Don't tell me what to do! I don't have to fuckin listen to you." I can feel it happening before it happens. Xander is about to reach out and grab Mattie by the shoulder. I can feel the subtle changes in his body because of my slayer senses. I can hear his heart rate picking up 'cause he's getting so fuckin angry, and I just know what he's going to do. Just like I knew Red was gonna take a swing at me with her bag when I woke up from my coma. But the thing is Mattie knows it too because he's a slayer, and I know exactly what he's going to do, but he's faster then me so I can do a damn thing to stop it. In the blink of an eye Mattie swings a perfect punch, just like I taught him, and Xander gets hit right in the fuckin face.

He didn't hit him as hard as I can I know that for sure, but it doesn't matter. Xander stumbles back, and I know later he's gonna have a black eye. I step forward but Mattie's quicker then I am. I thought him being like a super-slayer or whatever would be a good thing 'cause he stands a way better chance of not dying out on patrol but now I don't think it's so cool. He lunges at Xander and knocks him to the ground. He kneels down next to him and just starts punchin him over and over. I've never seen him like this before. What the fuck is his problem?! I run over to 'em and get him in a chokehold from behind and pull back as hard as I fuckin can. He's resisting and he manages to get in one more half assed punch before he finally moves back with me.

"You need to calm the fuck down right now, little boy," I say and I'm nothing but pissed. I ease up my hold on him and he steps forward and whips around, ripping my arms from his body. I should fuckin slap him for doing that shit. I don't wanna be the kinda person who beats their kid in public, or ever, but that was so outta fuckin line. All of this is just so fucked up. "You get your fuckin ass in the car." He doesn't move, he just stands there staring at me. "Now!" He walks over and picks up his bag. When he gets into the front seat he slams my door closed. If he broke it it's comin out of his allowance. I walk over to Xander, and I'm a little worried. He hasn't gotten up yet. I hold out my hand and he gladly takes it. I pull him to his feet and wince a little bit. The left side of his face is all swollen, and bruised, and his lips are bleeding pretty bad. "You alright, Xan-man?" I dumb question, I know. He just nods his head. I look over my shoulder and see Mattie just fuckin glaring at us. Oh he is so grounded. That's for fuckin sure.

BPOV

As relaxing as today has been I don't really like it. I couldn't go to work because that stupid inspector shut it down so I had to stay home. You'd think that would be good, right? Just a nice relaxing day with the house all to myself? Well it wasn't really all that relaxing. After I dropped Joseph off at daycare I came home to an empty house and it was a little weird. I was going to just keep him out today and spend some one on one time with him because I don't think I get to do that enough with any of my kids, but then I remembered that it's picture day and I didn't want him to miss out on that. I got all of the housework done, which is nice, but after that I was bored as hell. I thought about taking Addison shopping, you know, have some quality mother-daughter time, but she has a play date over at Brad's house. She doesn't get to spend that much time with him anymore, and I promised her last week she could go over there.

I don't want to become the type of parent that breaks their promises. So after I dropped her off I did a little bit of shopping by myself but I couldn't buy anything. Money is really tight this month and it's going to get even tighter because the studio is shut down. Faith is getting more business this month then normal so we'll be able to make ends meat. As long as we don't go into debt I won't be stressing out. I guess we are in debt a little. I would like to get some of the credit cards paid off so we can start saving our money up again. We want to start taking vacations more often and go to more exotic places then Monterey, California. Maybe we can go to Hawaii, or Brazil, or some other really nice place that has a beach. I do want to start spending some time at the beach. Nevada doesn't have a beach and for that I am sad.

"You get your fucking ass upstairs right now!" What the fuck is going on? I jump up out of the chair and rush towards the foyer. "You get your ass in your room and you fucking stay there until I say you can come down. You fucking got that?" Why is Faith yelling at him like that? I've never heard her talk to any of our kids that way. Something really bad must've happened because there's no way in hell she'd ever speak to anyone like that unless she had a damn good reason. By the time I step into the foyer Matthew is stomping towards the stairs. He throws his gym bag into the living room and I hear a large crash and I don't think the coffee table survived. Before I can say anything he's up the stairs and out of sight. I look over at Faith and Xander is standing next to her, and the left side of his face looks like it was hit with a Mac truck.

"Oh my God! What happened?" I ask and put my hand up to my mouth. The only time I've ever seen Xander like this was…well, I've never seen Xander like this. Were they attacked by something, a demon maybe? But that doesn't make sense. Why would Faith be pissed off at Matthew for a demon attack? Unless Matthew just stood by and let Xander get beat up and he wouldn't………well, I guess it's a possibility. Matthew has never really liked Xander all that much. But I'd like to think that we raised someone who would jump in and save the person being attacked no matter who they are. It's not our job to judge who gets saved and who doesn't. We're slayers we protect the world from the evil creatures. I thought he understood that.

"Happened?" Xander asks and he sounds weird because he can't talk right. His face is so swollen it's affecting his speech. I hope he didn't lose any teeth. He'll be really pissed off if he did. "Oh, not much. Your son decided to bruise his fist with my face." His eyebrows knit together a little bit and a cold chill goes down my spine. "Only I don't think there were any bruises on his hand." What the fuck is he talking about? That demon must've hit him really hard because there's no way Matthew would do this, ever. He knows better then to go around hitting people, especially people we consider family. "Yeah, it was pretty shocking." I guess my expression isn't hiding anything that I'm feeling. He keeps talking while we walk towards the living room. "Never been punched in the face by a slayer before. No wonder you never let me train with you." I can tell Matthew was holding back otherwise Xander wouldn't have a face right now.

"So what the hell happened? Matthew doesn't normally go around beating up on people." I need to find out what happened. My entire body is so tense right now. When you find out your kid has done something so awful you want to know the whole story. This couldn't have been Matthew's fault. At least not really. Sure he didn't display the best self-control but there has to be a reason he did this. My little boy would never do anything like this without a good reason. Faith gets this look on her face like she really wants to know what's going on too. I take it she didn't see the whole thing. So maybe there is a good explanation for all of this. Xander shrugs a little bit and gently touches his face. I'll get him some ice after he explains.

"We were walkin back to the car and we bumped into each other, and he pushed me down." No way. It was an accident. Matthew would never push somebody down like that. I've taught him better then that. "He told me to watch where I was going, only not as polite. I stood up and told him to stop being so disrespectful, but he kept getting right in my face, and he hit me." No way. There's no fucking way Matthew would do anything like that. "Ask Faith if you don't believe me." So Faith was there when all of this way taking place? And what was she doing, sitting on her ass and cheering them on?

"You were gonna touch him," she says looking Xander right in the eye. My eyebrows knit together and I watch Faith. She still looks pissed as hell but she's starting to calm down. "I felt it, and I know Mattie felt it. That's why he hit you." I go to say something and I guess she knows I'm gonna argue 'cause she interrupts me. "I'm not saying it's right, and he's not getting off light that's for fuckin sure." I still don't get it though. Matthew did all of that damage with one hit? He must've only held back a little bit. I can't believe he fucking did this. I don't know what's been going on with him but it needs to stop. He can't treat people like this.

"And what were you doing when all of this was happening?" I sound a lot more pissed off at her then I should be but I don't care right now. She gives me this look that just screams "fuck you, bitch" but I don't give a shit how she feels. I don't care if I sound like a total bitch right now. I know I do so there's no point trying to deny it. I want to know what was going on. Faith runs her fingers through her hair and she lets out a very frustrated sigh. Her leg is bouncing up and down and I know right now she wants nothing more then a cigarette.

"I tried to grab him but he was too quick for me. I had to get 'em in a headlock or he wouldn't've stopped." He wouldn't have stopped what? I give her a questioning look and she sighs again. "After Mattie hit him Xander went down fuckin hard and Mattie jumped on top of him and started beating on him. He got in, what, five or six hits before I pulled him off?" What the fuck?! So that's why Xander's face is so messed up? Oh hell no. That shit is so not gonna fly in my house. I jump up from the chair and start running up the stairs.

"Matthew James Lehane!" I scream as I hit the top of the stairs. I've never been so fucking angry in my entire life. Well, maybe a couple of times, but not recently. I stomp down the hall and slam his door open. I see him sitting on his bed playing that stupid PSP. He looks up at me and before he can react I grab it from him and throw it against a wall. It shatters and he jumps up off the bed. He's taller then me by two inches, and he's trying to make himself look bigger. I guess he's trying to be intimidating but trust me it isn't working. "Why the hell did you beat Xander up? You know better then to use your slayer powers on a mortal! You could've killed him!" This is why I don't want my babies being slayers. Accidents happen, things get out of hand, and fingers are pointed. You all remember the Finch thing, right? Perfect example.

"Get out of my room!" he yells and he looks pretty pissed. I probably shouldn't have broken that stupid game but he can just buy a new one when he saves up his allowance. That is so not the point. He knows better then to talk to me like that. Who the hell does he think he is?

"You don't talk to me like that ever. Now tell me what you were thinking when you punched Xander to the ground and started beating on him?" He doesn't say anything. He just stands there looking all defiant. I know that look all too well. I guess he's decided to take after Faith. And here I was hoping he'd be more like me. I don't look over when I hear the other two walk in the room. I really don't need the audience right now. "Answer me right now Matthew. Why the hell did you hit him like that? What do you think gives you the right to go around hitting people like that?"

"I don't go around hitting people. I only hit him." He isn't yelling but there's a lot of venom in his voice. And what a fucking smartass. I hate that he's decided to take after Faith. I clench my jaw and try counting to ten, but it doesn't work. There has to be an easier and faster way to try and calm down when you feel like you're going to smash your fist through a wall.

"That doesn't matter. Just tell me what your problem is. You've always hated Xander. Whenever he comes around you get pissed off, and start acting like a little punk. I've had enough of it now tell me what the fuck is going on." He knows I'm dead serious because I don't swear in front of my kids very often, and I never use the 'f' word. He looks pissed off enough to kill. I've never seen that look in his eyes before. It's scaring the hell out of me but I can't show that. If I show any type of fear or anything then he'll just take advantage of it. Give 'em and inch and they take a mile, right? He still doesn't say anything and now I'm getting ready to kill somebody. "Tell me why you act like that whenever he's around!" His fists clench and his ears turn bright red. I've never seen him this pissed off before.

"Because he fucked you!" What the fuck is he talking about? I'm too stunned to say anything. I look over to my right when I see something move.

"You son of a bitch!" Faith screams and punches Xander on the right side of his face. He crashes against the floor. He's unconscious which is probably for his own good because if he wasn't Faith would still be hitting him.


	80. Leaving The Past

**Author's Note:** Ok peoples here it is. A brand new chapter of So Damn Domestic. I would apologize for taking so damn long but this one really needed it. Kinda like wine, just gets better with age and all of that good crap. But before you start reading this new addition I have something to say. It's that time of the year again folks when I need your help making a decision. I've been having trouble deciding whether or not Sky and Willow should have a boy or a girl. So I'm going to leave it up to you guys. There are three ways to vote you can either leave a review, e-mail me or do the yahoo instant messenger thing. My e-mail is: And yes I know it's awesome. I don't know exactly how long the voting will be taking place. I'd like to end it when I finish the next chapter but you know how I can be. The next chapter could be posted in three days or three weeks depending on how hard my muse kicks me that week. Well that's all I have to say for right now. I hope you enjoy the new chapter. I'll talk to you later!

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**Twenty Minutes Later.** FPOV

"Baby just calm down." Calm down? Calm down?! How the fuck am I supposed to calm? I just found out that Xander fucked Buffy. That means Buffy fucked Xander. Yeah, I know, been there done that, but this would've been after B and me got together. Even if they fucked when we were broken up that's still a shitty thing to do. You don't sleep with a friend's ex. That goes against ALL of the friend codes. Stupid, fucking Xander. This is probably why he got a divorce. Probably cheated on Katie with one of her friends. No wonder she's pissed at him. He's fuckin lucky I knocked his ass out with one hit or I'd still be kickin his ass. I tried to keep doin it but B stopped me. Guess she doesn't want me hurting her lovah. Fucking bitch.

"Don't tell me to fuckin calm down," I say and I'm surprised I'm not yellin. My voice sounds like pure venom though, and the look in B's eyes changes. Before she was a little…worried, I guess. Now she's startin to look a little pissed. Can you fuckin believe that? Little miss high and mighty is gonna try to justify this shit. I almost wanna hear what she has to say for herself. Almost, bein the key word. "What, you gonna say I can't be mad 'cause you fucked him while we were split up? It still counts, B, and I got every right to be pissed." Now she looks irritated. I hate it when she gets like this. She still thinks she's better then everyone. It really fuckin gets on my nerves.

"You really believe I would do something like that?" she asks and she sounds……it's like a mix of pissed and shocked. I've never really heard it before, and it's a little weird. It does nothin but pissin me off and makin me doubt myself all at the same time. Ok, this whole 'mixed emotions' thing is gonna do nothin but irritate me. I need to commit to one and stick with it. I think I'll go with pissed off. The look on her face is just so…I might as well have slapped her across the face and called her a cunt. But I can't back down like a little bitch. She can't get her way just because she looks a little hurt.

"Mattie started hating Xander when he was five or six, B. Little kids can't make shit like that up." I have to admit, I got her there. There's no fuckin way she can deny that shit. And she can't say he got confused with somethin else, 'cause honestly, what else coulda they been doin that looks like fucking? I spent a couple minutes trying to come up with a bunch of things Mattie coulda confused with them getting nasty, and I couldn't come up with jack shit. He'd walked in on me and B dozens of times by the time he was five so he knows what fuckin looks like. I can't believe that rat bastard fucked my wife! Fucking asshole is dead when he wakes up.

"I've never slept with Xander! I don't know why Matthew thinks that, but Faith it isn't true! I can't believe you think I would do something like that. Don't you trust me anymore?" She looks so fuckin wounded, like I just slammed a puppy against a wall or something. I can tell she's fighting it but tears well up in her eyes, and her bottom lip is trembling. God dammit, Buffy, you know I can't fuckin stand to see you cry. I sigh most of my anger goes away. I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her. I put one hand between her shoulder blades and the other on the back of her head and gently bury her face in my neck. I forgot how much she hates cheaters. Her dad cheated on her mom and ever since then she thinks cheating is the worst thing you can do. "Why don't you trust me anymore? I thought we trusted each other with everything we are." Way to use my words against me.

"I trust you, B. But you can't really blame me for thinkin that. Xander's always had a thing for you and it's never gone away no matter how much he says so." She sniffles a little bit and pulls back. I let go of her and take few steps back. That comfort was for her, and I really don't wanna be touched right now. I just look at her for a few seconds and she looks a little strange to me. I don't know what it is. I guess just the thought of her doin something like that, cheating on me or whatever, made me realize that we don't know absolutely everything about each other. I guess I never really thought about this trust thing a whole lot before. But I know she wouldn't cheat on me. At least that's what I need to convince myself. "We haven't always been solid, B, and things were pretty fucked up back then." She nods her head a little bit and wipes the tears outta her eyes.

"I know, but I'd never cheat on you, Faith. I love you too much to do something like that." I don't really know what to say to her. I feel the same way, but right now telling her that would be a little...I don't know, almost like I'd be saying it just because she did. Kinda like when someone says I love you, and you say it back just so you won't hurt their feelings. I sigh a little bit and run a hand through my hair. This is bullshit and I'm really pissed off at myself. I can't believe I actually thought Buffy cheated on me. I took the word of my kid over her. I never though that would happen. I mean, yeah, sometimes we play little pranks on each other and try to deny them just for the fun of it and the kids will nark, but that's completely different.

"Alright," I say, and I can tell she was expecting something different. I'll save the pleasantries for when this shit is over. Right now I'm still too pissed off to pretend to be nice. When I tell her I love her, and hug her close to me I wanna mean it, you know? "Guess the only way we're gonna get this shit sorted out is if we go right to the source." Mattie's the one who brought this shit up. He's the one who thinks B cheated so I guess we should ask him what the fuck is up. We didn't really do that. After I knocked Xander out B was more concerned about gettin me away from him then givin Mattie the third degree. Before I stormed outta the room Buffy told him not to leave. He's gotten into this habit of just going over to Lucas' house when he gets pissed off.

I don't know what to do when he gets like that and Buffy certainly doesn't know. I don't know if it's teenage hormones or if there's something deeper going on but he gets really pissed off really easy, and it's fuckin sad to see. He never used to be like this, so it's makin me think normal teenage crap. But none of the guys I knew would get pissed off like that at the drop of a hat. And after what happened today I'm pretty fuckin scared for what that could mean. He could've killed Xander, actually ended his fuckin life if I hadn't been there. And he only stopped because he wanted to. I had no real control over him. I know he's stronger then me, but I'm starting to think he's a lot fuckin stronger then I thought. You have no idea how fuckin scary that thought is.

If he's getting pissed off so easy and he's really fuckin strong what's going to happen when his girlfriend cheats on him? I'm not saying that it's going to happen, but it could. He could be dating a girl and she could cheat on him and he could freak out and kill her or the guy she fucked or both. He was holding back so fuckin much when he hit Xander, and he's still a growing boy. What happens when he's an adult with these powers and pulls a Hulk? I don't know what would happen if he actually killed someone. We'd have to keep the cops out of it 'cause there's no fuckin way a prison would be able to handle him. If I could break out as easy as I did then imagine how quick Mattie could get out. I don't want to think about this anymore. What I will think about is a solution to all this shit.

I need to get my kid to open up and talk about stuff again. I want him to be able to talk to me like he used to. We used to talk about almost everything, but now he doesn't talk to me about much. At least not anything important. Maybe he'll talk to my dad? I dunno. I'm starting to think therapy would be a good thing for him. The therapist in prison actually helped me out a lot. Once I decided I needed to talk to someone about the shit I'd been through. I had to change some of the details obviously. I couldn't have her thinkin I was crazy with all the vampire and demon talk. Solitary is never fun, I know because I got put in the hole a couple times. You start to go crazy after a while. Some guys would talk about seeing little bugs and shit that weren't really there. And that was only after two weeks of solitary. But why am I talking about that? I swear I have A.D.D.

I leave the kitchen and head for the stairs and B's right behind me. We both wanna know what the fuck is going on, and I'm going to find out. Even if he doesn't wanna talk about it, he's going to. This shit is too important for him to deadlock now. 0.000006 of me still thinks that Buffy cheated on me. I don't want to think it, and it's tearing me up inside and it's making my blood boil, but I can't shake the feeling that maybe there's some truth to this story. So maybe they didn't fuck exactly. Maybe it was just a heavy make out session with lots of petting and Mattie thinks they were having sex. Even the thought of Xander doing that to my girl makes me wanna hit him some more. It's probably gonna take me a couple days to get over this. I guess a little part of me is still insecure. That little part of me still thinks that one day B is gonna wake up and realize she could do better and then leave me.

When we get to Mattie's room I can't help but roll my eyes. He's sitting on his bed playing his Playstation and for some reason it just seems so…stereotypical. I dunno why but I feel like I should've expected to see this. I walk into the room without knocking. That's something we're trying to do with all our kids 'cause they're people too and they deserve some privacy. I guess it doesn't really matter though 'cause even when Addy tells me not to open the door I still open it. But at least they're learning they're supposed to knock before they walk in a room. Why the fuck am I talking about this shit? Anyway, I walk in his room and turn off the game. I look over at him with a raised eyebrow, and yes I'm totally challenging him to say something about it. He doesn't though, and I'm a little surprised. I totally thought he was going to give me some shit. Instead of sayin something he just tosses the controller to the foot of the bed.

"I need you to tell me why you think Mom cheated," I say and he just sighs. He doesn't wanna talk about it, that much is fuckin obvious, but I don't give a shit. He glances over at Buffy and he gets the deadliest fuckin glare that I've ever seen. And I'm a girl who's seen a lot of glares. I stop myself from screamin out in anger and take in a deep breath. "Don't look at her, alright? Just look at me, and tell me what happened." He looks over at me and I can practically feel the rejection coming from Buffy, but her being here is obviously pissing him off even more. I wanna ask her to leave so I can talk to him but that'll just start a fight between us, and we got enough shit goin on at the moment, you know? I'm about to say something to him, but then he sighs, rubs the back of his neck, and starts explaining.

BPOV

(Flashback to eight years ago)

I never knew I missed hanging out with Xander so much, but I do. Faith is gone today. She's hanging out with Kennedy so Xander dropped by to spend some time together. Willow would be here too but she has some big meeting in San Francisco. I still don't know exactly what she does for a living but I'm starting to think she's some sort of secret agent because we'll be hanging out and she'll get a phone call and then have to leave right away. I know she works for some type of computer company but that could always be a front for something else. Hmmm, maybe I should look into this. I could follow her for a day or something and see what she's really doing…………no, I won't. That would seem insane. Besides, Willow doesn't have to be here for me and Xander to have a good time. We can have fun all by ourselves.

"Hey Buff," he says and I pry my eyes away from the TV to look over at him. Ok, so we're not rolling on the floor with laughter or anything. We're just sitting here watching Nightmare Mountain and trying to figure out what the big deal is. This movie isn't scary at all. Sure there are some suspenseful parts, but terrifying? I think not. Then again I'm a slayer so what I see on patrol almost every night is about seventy times scarier then most horror movies. So anyway, I look over at him and he has this goofy smile on his face. I make a little 'hmm?' noise and he looks at something else in the room. "You ever notice how Matt looks kind of like me?" What hell is he talking about?

I glace over at my son. Yeah, I said 'my son', how weird is that? Anyway, I look over at my little pride and joy who is playing very quietly with some of his toys, his trusty but very irritating dog laying down next to him. I swear if Faith ever surprises me with another animal like that again I'll cut her off from the sex for six months. Ok, getting back to what Xander said. I take a really good look at Matthew and I can kinda see what Xander means. They don't look a lot alike because Matthew definitely has a lot of Faith's genes, but the scruffy brown hair, the caring brown eyes, and just the way he sits is a little like Xander. I look over at Xander and roll my eyes a little bit and smile.

"Yes Xander, he looks exactly like you," I say in a teasing tone and his smile gets bigger. I love joking around with Xander like this. I always have. I don't know what it is about our playful banter that always puts me in a better mood but it never fails to do just that. It's not like I need to be put in a better mood or anything. Today I'm just fine. Things are pretty peachy to say the least, but whenever I need some cheering up I always go to my bestest buddies because they never fail to do just that. Why am I talking about this? "Do you think we should get a paternity test? Because there was that one night we were together." I wiggle my eyebrows a little bit and he shakes his head a little bit.

"Maybe we should. That was one hot night, and if he is mine it would be worth it." I shove his shoulder a little bit and laugh. He can be a little mean sometimes, but he's my Xander shaped friend. Sure there are some things that he says that'll make me mad at him for a day or two but I always forgive him because I know that even if what he said was really offensive he came from a nice place, and I love him anyway. "What are we going to tell Faith? She's going to find out sometime because Matt looks way too much like me for her not to get suspicious of something." I laugh a little more but stop just enough so I can talk.

"I don't know, but I'm sure she'll understand. No one can resist you, it's impossible." He wiggles his eyebrows a little bit and the look in his eyes changes. I know what's coming but I don't do anything to stop it because I don't really mind. Sometimes this type of joking can get annoying but not today. Nope, today nothing is annoying. "I mean, if anyone should know that it's her, right?" I didn't mean to say that but I did and there's no taking it back now. To say that I'm still a little upset that Xander slept with the love of my life is an understatement, but I'm almost completely moved on and over it. I mean, it was forever ago, and it's not like we were together. It's not like Xander knew how I used to stay up every night either crying my eyes out, or bringing myself to a powerful orgasm because I wanted her so damn much.

"Very true, but what do you say Buff, wanna have another roll in the hay?" he asks and wiggles his eyebrows. He rolls over on top of me, his hands are on both sides of my head, and he has the biggest grin on his face. I start laughing when he wiggles his eyebrows again, and I reach up and put my hands on his shoulders. There is nothing more hilarious then messing with Xander like this. I mean, sure it's a little sad because he still has a thing for me, and it would be best for everyone if he got over it. But teasing him a little bit is always pretty fun, and it gives me a little bit of a power trip, which is always nice. I lift my feet up and rest them on the coffee table, and my knees are resting against his hips. The look in his eye changes and I have to fight back the smile that wants to break out across my face.

"You want to be with me again, Xander?" I ask and then bring my lips to his ear. I'm not trying to be too mean, but there is a five-year-old in the room and what I'm about to say shouldn't said in front of a little kid. "You can have me, just do it hard and fast." I thrust my hips just a little bit, and he jumps off of me so fast that he can't stop himself from going backwards over the coffee table. "Oh my God, are you ok?" I get up and walk over to his side. He's laying flat on his back and looking a little more then confused. From what I can see he's alright, and I can't stop myself from laughing harder then I've laughed in a long time. "I'm sorry, but…it was just too funny. I…I couldn't help myself." I have tears rolling down my cheeks I'm laughing so hard.

"I think you've been living with Faith for too long. Before you shacked up with her you never used to let me straddle you," he says and I hold my hand out to him. He holds on to it and I help him up. "Thanks." He goes from confused and slightly irritated to playful in about five seconds. That's Xander for you, always wanting to joke around. "Maybe we should tell Faith about our night together. Who knows, maybe she'll want to be the filling in a Xander 'n Buffy sandwich." And he just crossed the line. I give him a little smack on the arm, and the smile on his face gets a little bigger. I can't help but roll my eyes. "Oh, so you two like it rough, huh? Well then maybe I should stay out of it, I'm a fragile yet manly creature, you know." I give him a little glare and he gets serious again. "Ok, changing the subject. You got anymore chips?"

(End flashback)

Oh my God! That's why Matthew thinks I cheated on Faith? All of these years he's hated Xander because of something we were joking around about? That is just too fucking funny! I start laughing a little bit and Faith looks over at me like I'm crazy. The way Matthew told that story makes it sound like I was ready to let Xander impregnate me right there on the couch, but that is so far from the truth. But I'm laughing way too hard to let her know that. She's starting to get a little pissed off, I can tell that by the cute little scowl on her face. I try to get my laughter under control, but it doesn't work. The harder I fight it the more I need to laugh. After all of this time, after all of these years of wondering why my little boy hates his uncle Xander so much this is the reason. I'm sorry, but it's just too much to handle right now.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I say and walk over to Matthew. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him close to me. I'm still laughing a little bit, and I know he's completely confused. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm sorry." I pull back from the hug and cup his cheek with my hand. "Matthew, me and Xander were just joking around. We weren't serious. He thought you looked a little like him so we were talking about a pretend affair, but sweetie I would never cheat on Mama." I hug him again and this time he hugs me back. "It was just a dumb joke. I was just messing around with him. I'm sorry you thought we were being serious." I give him an extra squeeze and he squeezes me back a little tighter then he normally does. I guess he's trying to show off. He's really strong, probably the strongest slayer in history, and that scares me a little bit. But I know he would never use his strength against us so I'm not too worried about it.

"You make me laugh, and I love you for it," I say and give him a kiss on the cheek. He pulls his head back pretty fast and I can't help but roll my eyes. He may not like mother kisses anymore, but he's my baby so he'll just have to learn to deal with it. It doesn't matter how old he gets, he could be thirty years old coming home for Thanksgiving and I'm still going to be giving him kisses on his cheek. Anyway, I let him go and look over at Faith. She has this total 'what the fuck?' look on her face. I raise an eyebrow and she gets a big smile on her face. She laughs a little bit and just like that I'm laughing again. I can't help it. After all of that tension it feels really good to laugh.

"Damn B, you really did that to Xan-man?" she asks and I nod my head. My laughter is finally starting to go away, which as this point is a good thing. It would be nice to breathe sometime soon. "Nice." She holds out her fist and we bump knuckles. Before I can pull my hand away she grabs onto my wrist and pulls me to her. She gives me a little kiss on the lips, but nothing too deep. She ends it before I even get the chance to respond. "I should probably tell him sorry for punching him in the face." She doesn't sound too regretful and I understand. If someone was accused of sleeping with my wife and I believed it I would knock them the fuck out. She looks over at Matthew and her expression gets pretty serious. I kinda like it when she gets all 'mom' on the kids. All serious and a little demanding, totally sexy. "You need to apologize too. Now that this shit's straightened out there's no reason for you to be rude to him, you got that?" Oh yeah, totally sexy.

FPOV

"Alright, this is the last one," I say and hand Mattie a bag from Xander's trunk. I've never seen a guy pack so much fuckin stuff for one trip. He's only gonna be here for two weeks. I pack less shit then this, and I'm a girl. But whatever. It's not like this shit is heavy or anything, I'm a slayer after all. Xander keeps insisting that he can lift his own bags but the doctor said he shouldn't be lifting anything heavy until he fully recovers from the concussion. Yeah, oops my bad, right? But I'm making it up to him a little bit. I don't know exactly how to show that I'm sorry after knockin his ass out, so I'm letting him stay in one of the empty apartments. Figured this way I could save him some money 'cause now he doesn't have to stay at a hotel.

"I can get that one. It's not even heavy," he says and steps forward. I give him a little glare and he sighs and backs away. "If this is how the mini-slayers are treated no wonder so many of them rebel." I glare at him again, a real fuckin ugly ass glare, and he just smiles and shakes his head a little bit. "I wasn't talking about you." Yeah, right, sure he wasn't. "I'm sure these girls love you to death." They do kinda love me. It's pretty awesome. I'm like the badass aunt Faith who lets them stay out late and doesn't get on their ass when they come back with a hickey on their neck. As long as they get their work done and don't bitch about training I got no problem looking the other way when it comes to the little stuff. If one of 'em gets pregnant on my watch there'll definitely be a scolding.

"Sure Xan-man, whatever you say." I close the trunk, and pick up the two suitcases off of the ground. The room is set up already so we don't have to worry about that. It's probably a little girlier then what he'd like, but B insisted on decorating the place when we first got it. I didn't really care either way, but the rooms do look a little too girly. I let B win that argument 'cause when she's in the mood to nest I'd rather have her take it out on something other then my house. Yeah I know a lot of the furniture and shit B picked out, but when it comes down to it she only thinks she's in charge. But whatever. There's no reason to be talkin about this shit.

We start haulin the last of the bags up to the room and I can't help but smile. Mattie's not happy that I'm making him help and he either thinks I can't hear him mumbling under his breath or he just doesn't give a fuck. I'm gonna go with the first one, 'cause Mattie doesn't complain about shit like this 'cause he knows I'll give him 'the look'. That look that just screams "shut the fuck up, and get it done already". I know I sounded all pissed off earlier when I got all demanding and told him he had to apologize, but on the inside I was fucking smiling. Yeah I know he whooped Xander's ass, and violence is wrong, blah-blah-blah, but he stood up for what he believed and I'm so fucking proud of him. He kept his mouth shut for all these years and I'm gonna have a talk with him about that, but he kicked Xander's ass 'cause he thought the guy fucked his mom. Trust me, I'm fucking proud.

It doesn't take us very long to get everything in the room and Xander starts unpacking right away. He's pretty fuckin tired and just wants to get it over with so he can sleep. I gave him some painkillers 'cause of his face. Nothing too strong or anything. I don't want him takin too many and dying 'cause if B found out I was the one who gave him the pills that would definitely be a fight. I would rather not fight with Buffy right now since things have been goin so good. Well, I'm definitely gonna have to apologize a little for not believing her, but I already got that all figured out. She's probably expectin something cliché like chocolates, or flowers and all of that girly crap. But nope. I'm smarter then that. I'm making up for it right now, actually. I'm letting her have the house all to herself.

I know that doesn't sound like much, but trust me it is. After I train with some of the girls here I'm going to pick Joey up from daycare, pick Addy up from Brad's house, and then we're going out to dinner. After dinner we'll probably go see a movie or something. We haven't been out to a movie in a long time. Anyway, the whole point is that I'm going to give Buffy a couple hours of alone time in the house. This way she can take a nice long bath, and just relax. Today's been a pretty stressful day, and she already a little stressed out before we got home. She hates just sitting around with nothing to do. B's the kind of person who needs to keep her mind busy so she starts to go a little insane. But now she has something to do. She's going to relax while I spend time with the kids.

I'm going to try and make it nice for all three of them since it's kind of Mattie's last day of freedom. He's going to be grounded for a very long time because of what he did. I know I said that I'm proud of him but that doesn't mean there are going to be no consequences for his actions. If I really wanted to I could call Giles and talk with him about it. Whenever one of the girls start acting up, and it happens 'cause they're teenagers, they get sent to "slayer boot camp". It's basically a month and a half of drills, homework, and doing all of the grunt work around the facility. You know, laundry, dishes, helping unload the food when it comes in, repairing things in the buildings, stuff like that. But I think I'll just have him do that kind of shit around here. Maybe if I work it would just right I won't have to do anything for a while and I can spend some more time with B.

Alright, I guess it's time I introduce Xander to the girls. They're in the training room right now on the bottom floor. I didn't tell them that a guy is going to be moving in. I told them that I needed to have a meeting with them and that's where I wanted to meet. I knew if they saw him before I can explain then they'd get all…I honestly don't know. The younger girls might get very swoony. It is Xander Harris that I'm leaving in their building. You should hear the talk about him at the slayer school. 'Xander's so brave. He's just a human, but he saved Buffy Summers when the Master killed her for a minute. And I heard he saved Faith from this demon from the Sisterhood of Jhe. He's so dreamy.' Yeah, I know. Those girls really do have quite the imagination. I mean, seriously, Xander saving me? Well, he did kind of save me, but whatever.

Anyway, we walk down to the training room together, me out in front because the boys definitely know that I'm in "slayer mode" now. When we walk into the room no one is really paying attention. A couple of the girls are sparring, and the rest are working out. I guess they got bored waiting for us. Michaela is doing is stretches. She has one leg straight up in the air, so her knee is like right by her face. God damn, that girl is limber. I can feel Mattie tense up a little bit, and I really try to ignore it. I get that my little boy is growing up and he thinks girls are sexy now, but I don't really want to hear him react to a girl. That's a little weird. I'm sure being here with me is weird for him since I'm his mom, and he's in a room with very limber, good looking girls.

"Alright everybody, listen up," I say pretty loud and everyone stops what they're doing. I love being able to do that. They all look over and like I said, a few of the younger ones are very glad to see Xander. "Thanks for showing up last minute like this. I'm sure you guys have better things to do then listen to me talk." Yeah right, that's totally doubted. "Xan-man here is in town for a few days and he's going to be staying here." Lily does not look happy about that at all. She stands up from the bench, and she looks really tense. What the fuck is her problem? I guess we're about to find out.

"You're serious about this?" she asks and trust me she doesn't sound happy at all. She walks up to me and she's only like a foot away. I don't know what her problem is but she needs to back up before she gets punched. "You're just going to let a guy stay here in an apartment complex full of teenage girls? Did you fucking hit your head on the way here?" Ok she seriously needs to chill the fuck out right now. The way she's looking at me she's totally challenging my authority. She needs to respect my authorita! Haha, oh man, I am one silly bitch. That's for damn sure.

"Xander's not some fuckin perv. If you want some rules set up, then we can set up some rules, but you need to back the fuck off. You got me?" I ask and raise an eyebrow. I'm staring her right in the eyes, and my shoulders are squared. I'm in a total defensive pose, and she can tell I'm getting ready to strike. But she still doesn't back down. It's almost like she's asking me to kick her ass. I swear, this chick is damaged on a whole new level if she thinks she can take me on and live. The look on her face change a little bit, and she glances over my shoulder. She gets a fuckin death glare, and it's safe to say she's looking at Xander now.

"Fine. He can stay." Like she has a fucking choice in the matter. I guess she kind of does. I mean, if she really wanted to she could kick Xander out after I leave and without a phone he wouldn't be able to tell me what's going on. In this hypothetical situation Xander doesn't have a cell phone, when in reality he does. And his is better then mine! I totally need to buy a new one. I totally have ADD. "He can train down here if he wants when the girls aren't using it, but if I catch him in any of the girls' rooms without me there to keep an eye on him he's gone." Alright, that sounds pretty fair. I nod my head a little and she takes a few steps back. Then she walks up to Xander and she looks so fuckin pissed off. It's kind of funny to see since she's way shorter then the Xan-man. My eyebrows can't help but furrow when her face softens a little bit. Awww, looks like she has a soft spot for Xander, and doesn't want to see him all beat up.

"I meant what I said. If you need to go in any of the girls' rooms for any reason whatsoever then I have to be there too." What is it with her? I guess she really doesn't trust guys all that much. That ex of hers really fucked her up. I wonder if she's been seeing the psychologist. I told G man that it would be a must even though I wouldn't tell him what we talked about that night we got drunk together. Man that was one fucked up night. But whatever. It was forever ago so why dwell on it now? I think junior here will calm down when she sees that Xander's not a perv, and when her feathers are all unruffled I'm sure she'll be wooed by him in no time. The rest of the girls have no problem with him being here, that's for sure. Some of them are whispering to each other right now and giggling. Wait a second, what the fuck? They're whispering and giggling and looking at Mattie. Damn, my boy is gonna be a little heartbreaker. But that's kind of expected. He is half me, ya know.

"Don't worry, I'll only go in there if my manly skills are needed." Fuck! He just stepped right into a bear trap with that one. Lily's body tenses up even more and she looks like she's going to hit him. Xander gets a freaked out look on his face 'cause I guess he knows he kinda fucked up. He takes a step back and gets that big nervous smile on his face that I think is pretty adorable. And Lily must think so too 'cause her shoulders are relaxing a little. "And by manly skills I mean unclogging toilets and fixing things that may be broken. I can also put up shelves. Many a person has been impressed with my shelf building ability." I can't help but smile at that, and if I'm not mistaken, which I'm totally not, I think Lily just relaxed a little more too. Hmm, I think I'll have to have a talk with her about this later.

"Whatever. Just stay out of the way, and don't make too much noise. The girls have to study for a test tomorrow." Test? Since when is there a test? Ah, I think I know what she's doing. She's lying just so he'll behave himself. I don't think she needs to do that. She's already scared him half to death. I'm sure all she has to do is snap her fingers and he'll ask how high she wants him to jump. Man this is going to be fun to watch. If I had known Lily was going to act like this I would've told Xander he could stay here sooner. I know I sound pretty mean right now but after the day I've had I could really use a good laugh. And watchin Xander get bossed around by a girl like that is very entertaining.

"I'm also told I have cat like quietness," he says and takes another step back. "You won't even know I'm here. And besides I'll probably only be here to sleep, and shower, possibly eat. I'm visiting my friends so I might not even have time to build shelves, or unclog the toilets." Man he's so fuckin nervous. Should I step in and help him out? Nah, I'll wait. The girls start bitching about the test that Lily lied about just now but one glare from her and they're all quiet. Fuck, she definitely has them under her thumb. And I thought I was a badass leader. It normally takes them a little longer to stop bitching when I glare. Hmmm, I'll have to brush up on my glaring skills later. I hope I don't accidentally burn myself or something because some of my glares are wicked nasty.

"Just get the fuck out of my way," she says and Xander jumps off to his right. She stomps passed him and on her way out of the room she slams the door closed. I wince a little bit at the loud ass sound that it made. See, she slammed it really fuckin hard, and the frame just broke. Fuck, Giles is going to be pissed if we have to get someone out here to fix that. I sigh, and look over at Xander. He still looks scared as hell, but when he looks over at the door and sees that it's broken he's very glad to have a distraction. At least he looks happy about that door, and that's the only reason I can come up with as to why he'd be happy.

"You think you got time to fix the door?" I ask and he nods his head a little bit. He still looks afraid but now that El Bitcho has left the room he doesn't look as scared. Maybe I should leave Mattie here as a body guard for Xander? Nah, 'cause he'll probably tell Lily that Xander touched one of the girls in her "special place" just so she'll kill him. "The tools are in the closet, we'll probably have to make a run to Home Depot, though." Ha, that kinda rhymed. He just nods his head again and I shake mine. What the fuck got into that girl? I'll definitely have to get her drunk tonight. Maybe then she'll tell me.

LPOV

What the fuck is going on, who's touching me? I groan a little bit, and bury my head under the pillow. No one should be touching me 'cause everyone knows I hate being touched in the morning. In the morning you're all tired and not at the top of your game, why would you want someone to touch you when you feel all…vulnerable? This is so annoying. And I know it's not Jasper because he had to learn the hard way that when you wake a sleeping slayer you might get thrown against a wall. I move my legs around to try and get the thing to go away. It doesn't. It's starting to touch me more. I'm lying on my stomach and the blanket is pulled down so my entire back is exposed. What the fuck is touching me? I try as hard as I can to place the feeling that's happening on my back, but I can't. So I groan again and move around a little. Aww, that's better. Now maybe I can get back to sleep.

"You can go back to sleep if you want to be a lazy bones, but if you get up I promise omelets, and hot coffee." Oh! My! God! Last night comes rushing back to me in one big WHOOSH, and I think I just pissed the bed. I remember yelling, there was lots and lots of yelling. And then there was kissing, and undressing, and grunting, and some of the best sex I've ever had. Then again I don't got a whole lot to compare it to. The double H rule does exist but not all slayers are sluts. Some of us have standards. The touching is back and now I know exactly what it is. It's the feeling of lips lightly kissing all over my skin. I lift up the pillow a little bit and take a big whiff. Yuck! I really need a shower. Besides my nasty B.O. I also smell sex. It's all over the sheets and blankets. And that's not piss I'm laying on. He made me sleep in the wet spot? What a bastard.

I very slowly pull my head out from under the pillow, and lay my head on top of it. I can't have my face under pillows or blankets for very long or I start to get all claustrophobic. I don't say anything, and I don't move. He doesn't say anything either, he just goes back to kissing my back, but he's also rubbing it with one hand. I have to admit that feels pretty good. I need to make it stop. He can't be doing things like this to me. It's just not fair. I turn a little bit so I can see him. He stops kissing me, but he's still rubbing my back. I almost forgot what a man's hands feel like. They're a little callused and rough, but strong and…soothing, I guess. He has that big goofy smile on his face, and I have to force myself not to smile back.

"Hi," he whispers and leaves a little kiss on my shoulder. This time I can't stop myself from smiling. I whisper hi back, and he rests his chin on my shoulder. His hand is still rubbing my back and I close my eyes at the sensation. If he keeps that up I just might fall back to sleep. Not that it would be a bad thing. If I could postpone this whole 'morning after' thing for a couple of hours then I would, but I highly doubt that's going to happen. "I wasn't joking about that omelet. I make a mean Spanish omelet." I chuckle a little and scratch at my face. Why is my face always so itchy in the morning? Yep, it gets itchy and I scratch it. Damn that reminds me. I haven't watched the Simpsons since I was a kid. I loved the ones when they showed the Itchy and Scratchy cartoon. I wonder if they still sell it on DVD. I'll have to look into that. "I think this might be lulling you." And just like that, the rubbing is gone.

"I can make waffles if you don't like omelets, and if you have a waffle iron. Oh! Pancakes. Everybody loves flapjacks." He sounds just so enthused at the thought of cooking for me and I can't help but chuckle again. Or maybe it's just the thought of food that has him so excited? Yeah, let's hope for that one. I have no idea how I'm going to do this but it needs to be done. I roll over a little more so I can see him better. I use one of my arms to cover myself so at least my nipples aren't showing. Yeah, I'm a modest person, what of it? "You really aren't a very talkative person in the mornings are you? Are you afraid of morning breath? Oh God, am I grossing you out right now?" He does that thing where you breathe on your hand and then smell it. To be honest his breath isn't that bad. Probably way better then mine right now.

"It's not that," I say and roll over onto my back. I keep my arm firmly in place. I was kind of hoping he'd back off a little bit, but no such luck. He's resting his head on my stomach now and it feels a little weird. And it tickles a little. But I honestly have no idea how I'm going to say this to him. He's being so sweet and I'm not the cold hearted bitch that everyone makes me out to be. I act like this for a reason but sometimes I take it a little too far. I don't wanna be this way but it's safer. I mean, here he is bein so sweet to me when he doesn't really have a reason to, and I'm going to be the world's biggest bitch. I'm going to feel like a steaming mound of dog shit after this. And people wonder why I drink. This makes it pretty obvious. "You don't have to make breakfast. You can just go." Ok, I'm giving him an out. Maybe he's just acting like this to be nice? Let's hope for that one.

"I know I don't have to, but I want to," he says and he has this whole puppy-dog thing going on. It's like he wants nothing more then to please me. He leaves a little kiss right above my bellybutton and it tickles a little. The muscles jump and twinge, and for some reason I shiver. It definitely isn't cold in here. That's the thing I can't get used to about this town: it's always fucking hot. "I can stick around for a while. I'm not one of those guys that have to take off in the morning." Clearly or he would've been gone before I was awake. That would've made things _so_ much simpler. "So what'll it be? I can make French toast too. My French toast has earned me bragging rights." He lays his face against my stomach and I cringe just a tiny bit. Stubble lightly rubbing on soft skin doesn't work out. Even that little bit of discomfort gives me a good feeling inside. I don't understand how lesbians can be lesbians. I wouldn't give up the memories of his strong hands, and muscular body for anything in the world.

"That sounds really nice and everything but…." I stop because he has this little look on his face and I know if I finish this sentence that look will go away and I don't want to be the reason it dies. I know that sounds really overdramatic, but that's just how it is. "I'm a take out kinda girl. I don't have any of that stuff." I feel like the world's biggest pussy. I feel like just a giant pussy, and like I should be wearing a cape and run around calling myself Pussy Man, and saying things like "forting crime with my labia of justice". Why I just thought that I have no fuckin clue. I always think weird shit in the morning. I need to just tell him. I don't think he's going to be leaving any time soon if I don't just rip the bandage off and get it over with. I take a deep breath and work on making my skin extra thick. "I think you should just go." I look away from him but I can feel his gaze on me.

"What? How come?" he sounds a little hurt now and I can't just lay here. I sit up and it forces him to get off me. I'm glad he isn't touching me anymore. I was starting to feel suffocated. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and put my feet on the floor. Now that my back is to him I can put my arm down now. I look around the room but I don't see my clothes anywhere. Oh, that's right. We took them off in the living room. Dammit. We had sex in more then just the bedroom. The living room is going to smell like him too. I think I need to switch apartments. I don't know if anything will be strong enough to get rid of the smell. I'm a slayer so my sense of smell is way better then other peoples.

"I know last night was…" amazing, spectacular, and every other word along those lines that I can't think of right now. "It was alright, but it didn't mean anything, ok? So you don't have to be this nice guy who offers to make me breakfast and who acts like he wants to be around me." There's still hope that maybe he's just acting like this so he doesn't look like a total asshole. But I doubt it. You don't get that look on your face if you don't want to be around the girl you were fucking all night. I feel the bed shift, and then his hand is on my back again, but this time I don't let him comfort me. I stand up, and pull the sheet off the bed, and wrap it around myself. Like I said, I've always been extremely modest. I walk over to my duffle bag and pull out some clothes. I slip into my baggy Black Sabbath shirt, and then my black track shorts.

"Ok, Lily, I'm confused." Yeah, you really sound like it. I'm not being a bitch, he does sound confused. And I really wish he wouldn't say my name. I love the way he sounds when he says my name especially when he's all out of breath and kissing that little spot right behind my ear. I need to stop thinking about it it's just making this harder. "You were fine just a second ago. Did I do something? You said last night was alright, but it was more then alright. At least I think so." He sounds so…God, I can't even describe it. Ok, it's time to get serious here. This is only going to end if I make it end, and I can do almost anything if I set my mind to it. I take in a deep breath and center myself. And now it's time to be a bitch. I drop the sheet and turn around. My face is expressionless, and most of my muscles are tense.

"Look, I didn't mean to fall asleep last night, and if I hadn't then I woulda asked you to leave then. I'm not the sleep over kinda girl." God, I feel like such a whore right now. It's almost like my dad was right and I am nothing but a hole to be fucked. "So just stop with this whole puppy-dog routine and get dressed." He's sitting at the foot of the bed completely naked and he's got some morning wood goin on. It's kind of distracting right now. "It was just one night, ok? Let's not give it anymore meaning then what it really is. I had fun, and it was great, but now you gotta go." He looks like I just kick his dog across the room. What happened to guys being pig headed and just wanting to get laid every once in a while? Why the fuck can't he just stop looking at me like that?

He starts looking around on the floor. I guess he's looking for his clothes, but they're in the living room with mine. I toss him the sheet and he wraps it around his waist as he stands up. He looks really pissed off now. He's staring me in the eyes, and it's almost like he's daring me to keep saying things like this. I really want to say something but I can't. I want to tell him to leave but my voice box just won't let me say those words. I cross my arms over my chest and look away. That's the first time I've ever looked away first. At least from a guy. With other slayers I don't mind doin it so much but I never lose a stare down with a guy. I guess this is completely different though. I can't think of anything to say so I walk over and open the bedroom door. He sighs very angrily and shakes his head. He walks towards the door, his feet stomping a little, and he reminds me a two-year-old who didn't get his way.

"I guess everyone was right. You really are Faith Jr.," he mumbles under his breath, but just loud enough so I can hear. He knows that I heard that. You don't hang around slayers most of your life and not know what their hearing skills are like. Him saying that was like a stab to the chest and it forces me to suck in a big breath of air. Tears spring to my eyes but I force them to go away. I've gotten really good at doing that. I turn and watch him walk across the living room. He gets about seven steps before I find my voice.

"Xander," I sound so pathetic, and small. I guess my voice didn't want to be found. But what he said hurt so bad, and I couldn't stop myself from saying his name. I sound just as hurt as I felt and when he turns around he has a little bit of hope on his face. I just stare at him because now I don't know what to do. I could look like a total fuckin hypocrite or whatever, and tell him to stay and then he'll start asking a bunch of questions. Or I can look like the world's biggest bitch and tell him to go. Why the fuck am I getting so caught up in this shit? We had one fucking night together. _One_ night. It's not like I'm his girlfriend. It's not like we had a big summer romance that we finally consummated and now he's heartbroken. Fuck no. We got into another fight and for some reason this one ended with us fucking like rabbits all over my apartment. I force my emotions back again and look into his eye. "Don't let the cat out." Yeah, I know I'm a bitch, what of it?

I close the door and press my back against it. I can hear him getting dressed, and he's so pissed off I can practically feel the vibes all the way in here. I look over at the bed with the rumbled sheets, and the pillow cases that don't match and I feel a little empty. I feel really dirty, and I know this isn't the kinda dirty feeling that can wash off in a very hot shower. I don't really wanna try either. I don't wanna be like one of those Lifetime Channel stereotypes of the girl making a big mistake and then curling up in the corner of her shower and letting the scolding hot water burn her skin while she cries. If this is how Faith felt all the time back in Sunnydale, and even before that, then it's no fuckin surprise she went crazy and tried to take over the world. That reminds me, I should totally buy Pinky and the Brain on DVD. Fuck, stay focused!

I hear him stomp as he leaves, and then the front door slams really hard. I can't help but wince a little bit and I have no fuckin clue why. Why am I getting so emotional about this? It's not like I've never had a one night stand before. There's just something about this one that's different. With the other guy I didn't feel bad about it in the morning. We both knew the deal before any clothes were taken off. We both said it would just be one night and that was it. Maybe I should've done that with Xander? But I didn't think about that at the time. All I could think about was getting naked as fast as possible so he could fuck me as hard as possible. A little part of me didn't think he'd be able to keep up with me 'cause I'm a slayer and he's not, but he's got stamina that's for sure.

I take in a deep breath, and walk out into the living room. It smells like sex out here too, but it's not as strong as in the bedroom. Probably because that's where the actual sex took place and out here it was just oral. I sit down on the couch and pull my legs up against my body. I rest my chin on my knees and I take a look around. Everything looks a little different and it's not just because I'm feeling so shitty. Things are knocked over, the lamp is on the ground and shattered into fifteen huge pieces. I threw the lamp at him and it hit the wall. I'm surprised there's only fifteen pieces. The books I had organized very neatly on top of the desk are all messed up now. That's where Xander went down on me. If I look really hard I could probably see where my vag-8 juice dried, but I don't want to see. I just can't figure out why I feel like shit. I look over when I feel the cushion shift, and I smile a little.

"Hey buddy, you ready to stop hiding?" I ask Jasper and he meows. He doesn't sound too happy. I look over at the clock on the wall and hiss in a breath. It's eleven a.m. and Jasper always eats his breakfast at eight. No wonder he's so pissed off. The poor boy is probably starving to death. Well, at least he thinks so. He starts yelling at me with that very annoying "feed me or I'll die!" kind of meow. Anyone who has a cat knows what I'm talking about. I get up and make my way into the kitchen and Jasper beats me there. He runs over to his food bowl and starts rubbing against the counter and looking up at me. "Hold your fuckin horses, I'm getting it." I swear this cat is just as bad as one of those spoiled kids you see on Super Nanny. That show shows exactly why some mammals eat their young.

"Alright you big cry baby, here you go," I bend down and pour his food into the little silver bowl. I close the box and stand back up. He sniffs it and then gives me this "what are you, fucking insane?" kinda look. He flicks his tail in a very condescending way. "You know this is why you're so fat, and I should really stop giving it to you every morning." I put the box back in the cupboard and walk over to the fridge. He starts meowing again and I just shake my head. "One of these days I'm going to stop giving it to you and you'll just have to deal with it. It's not good for you. You don't wanna die young, do you?" His meows become more urgent and I think I just heard his stomach growl. Or was that him? "Oh, alright. Jeez, don't have a fucking cow." I bend down and pour in a little bit of un-whipped whipping cream into the bowl. I gave it to him once with his breakfast when he was a kitten just to see what he would do and ever since then he won't eat without it.

After I put the carton back in the fridge I hop up on the counter and just look at my cat. He's been like my best friend for a very long time. I should really thank Faith for making sure Mr. Giles didn't take him away. This cat has helped me more over the years then any person has in my whole life. He's always here when I come home, he's happy to see me when I walk in the door, and he rubs up against me when I'm sad. Or just whenever he wants to. That happens all the time. I'm not gonna lie sometimes he can be an asshole. If he doesn't want to be touched and you try to pet him he'll hiss and scratch. But after I got him fixed there's been a lot less of that. I think it's kinda fuckin sad that I'm looking for the same qualities in a person that my cat has. I understand that everyone needs human companionship, but why am I so afraid? And how the fuck did things get so out of control last night?

I hop off the counter, and rub Jasper on the back. He does this little high pitched growling noise and it means "leave me alone, I haven't eaten in days!" I swear this cat acts like I treat him like shit. I would never do anything like that though. He's my baby. As soon as I stop touching him he stops growling. I like teasing him a little though when he eats 'cause it's cute. He acts like he's starving to death, but last night he had almost half of what was on my plate. Yeah, I share my food with my cat, what of it? The way I see it, it would be boring eating the same stuff over and over again, so why not? God, why am I even thinking about this? I need to stop distracting myself with stupid stuff and just get this day over with. I'm sure tomorrow will be so much fucking better.

I really need to get a shower and wash this horrible morning off me. I still smell like him, and not just the smell of his sweat which isn't as disgusting at it sounds, but I smell like his body spray too. I don't know what he uses but it smells really nice and it's making me feel even worst. I wish I could just shut these feelings off, like flick a switch or something and make them go away, but that's impossible. There's more going on here then just me sleeping with him. I just need to be honest about it because there's no point in trying to hide from myself. That's just retarded. I don't know when it happened but I do have feelings for him. And all of these feelings that I have for him are just dragging up old feelings that I've had bottled up for years. It's all coming up to the surface and I can't make it stop. I'm the queen of repression so why can't I repress these?!

I turn the water on as hot as it can go, and then strip off my clothes. I feel all…sticky and gross because of the dried sweat. It's really disgusting and I need to wash it off. I step into the shower and let the hot water burn its way down my body. It hurts a little, but I'm a slayer I can take it. I step forward and let the scolding hot water wash away the phantom feel of his lips on my neck and face. This isn't working, and it's pissing me off. Every time I blink I see a little bit of last night. I see the intense look on his face as he stripped my shirt off, I can feel the ferocity of the way he touched my body so desperately as if he'd been dying his whole life just to touch me. But his hands were so gentle. He never even came close to hurting me. I'm surprised I can even describe it, it was just so……well now I can't think of a good word. Multiply intense by about a thousand and that's what it was like to be with him.

It wasn't just the physical stuff that made it so…great, and wonderful, and sensational. He opened up something inside of me that I've never felt before. Even when I was in love with Mark, I never felt that way when I was with him. Mark wasn't a bad lover, and he did satisfy me. The first time we were together wasn't anything close to what I experienced last night, but he never left me high and dry, I guess is a good way to put it. But that heat, that spark, and fiery feeling I got when Xander was inside of me…I've never felt that before in my entire life. And what made it even more incredible was he kept looking into my eyes. He didn't look into my eyes the whole time, and I didn't expect him to. But he would rest his forehead on my shoulder, and then leave these little kisses on my neck. They were so soft, and they made me feel so……I don't even know how to describe it. But those little kisses made it feel like we had been lovers for a long time.

That's exactly it. They made me feel like I was his lover, like he was coming back to me after a long time gone, and him being inside of me felt so right so……almost familiar. This is so confusing. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, and I want it to stop. He's just a guy, nothing more. I slept with him in the heat of an argument. It's been a long time since I'd been with someone, and the fighting got my adrenaline going and all of the other chemicals just started to kind of…flow and it just happened. It's not like it's going to happen again. I don't even want it to happen again. Do you think it could happen again? Fuck, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck I'm really feeling or how he's really feeling. I don't know why he was so fucking pissed off this morning. It's not like we're dating. He doesn't have a right to be mad. And comparing me to Faith like that, who the fuck does he think he is?

I need to just forget about him. I need to forget that this stupid night ever happened. The sooner I forget the sooner I can get back to just being me. And I'm a kick ass slayer, that's all I need. Slaying keeps me happy, it gives me a purpose. It's what I am, and who I am. Being with someone will change all of that, and fuck that. I don't want to change. I'm happy just the way I am. I don't need to change, I don't want to. Does he expect me to just pack up and move with him to California? It's not like he's going to leave his daughter behind so he can live at the school, and that's where I need to be. Well not right now. Right now I need to be here. It's not as fun because all my friends are back in Ohio, and hanging out with these girls all day gives me a headache, but I love my job. I love teaching them, and slaying vampires, and killing demons, and partying afterwards with my friends.

Being with a guy would complicate all of that. Being with him would screw everything up. Ok, and let's just say for the sake of argument that I don't end up with him but I do end up with someone, let's just think about that possibility for a second. How the hell do you explain to a guy that you fight demons and stop apocalypses for a living? It's not like I can just semi-retire like Faith and Buffy. I can't be happy only slaying some of the time, and not really helping out at the school. And if I'm with a guy he's gonna want to protect me, and he's going to make me choose between doing what I love, and loving him. I know that Xander's been with girls who helped out back in Sunnydale. Anya lost her life in the Great Battle, but there's a huge difference between dating someone who wants to help out, and dating someone who risks their life on a nightly basis. I don't think even Xander would be cool with that.

Why do I keep thinking about him like that? I don't want to date him. At least I don't think I want to date him. It's just so confusing. I don't even know him. I've heard a lot about him, and how brave he is, and how he was always there to help Buffy out whenever she needed it, but I don't really know him. I don't even like him that much, but for some reason whenever I'm around him I get all……like there's a jackhammer in my stomach or something, and my palms start to sweat, and I get a little dizzy, and…it feels just like I did around Mark. But that doesn't make any sense. I was friends with Mark for two months before we started dating, and I started to get the jackhammer feeling so none of this makes any sense. Xander being able to make me feel so good doesn't make any sense. It was like he knew exactly what he was doing. Like he knows all the little tricks to make my body shudder, and quake. This is just too confusing. I don't want to think about it anymore.

I take my time washing my hair and rinsing out the soup. It's Sunday so I don't have anywhere to be. It's not like we do anything on Sunday. Faith is a firm believer that Sunday is the day of rest so that's all the girls do on Sundays. They get to just hang out and watch movies, or go shopping, but they don't slay, they don't have to do any schoolwork, and they don't have to train. I think it's a good idea to have one day out of the week to just do nothing. It gives their brains a chance to chill out so they won't start feeling stressed, but at the same time I think it's a bad idea. Up at the slayer school Sundays are viewed as the day to finish up any unfinished schoolwork. But since here isn't like over there I have absolutely nothing to do.

I could hang out with Willow but I've only talked to her like twice so that has potential for being very awkward. She used to come in during some of our classes to see how the teachers were doing, I guess. She never really hung out with anyone but Sky. Everyone thought they were sleeping together already, so when they started dating we were all like 'yeah, and?' I guess Sky's never been with a woman before she hooked up with Willow. I guess she used to have a husband but he died or something. It's none of my business so I don't know. I try not to listen to the gossip 'cause it's mostly teenage bullshit. Who gives a shit about who someone is dating, or breaking up with, or if someone is gay or not? I think everyone just needs to mind their business and stay the fuck out of everyone else's.

When people find out about this there's going to be hell to pay. And yes, I already know tons of people are going to find out about the fact that I had sex with Xander. I live with a bunch of teenage girls who are also slayers, and we were being the extreme opposite of quiet last night. They probably called all of their friends back in Ohio with the big new scandal of the stone cold bitch Lily Montgomery hooking up with the heroic hottie Xander Harris. I'll be called a slut, everyone will feel bad for him, like I raped him or something, and I know a few people will try to start some shit. The girls at that school can be a little insane sometimes, especially all of the ones who have a crush on Xander.

After I rinse all of the conditioner out of my hair I grab the body wash and put a large glob on the fluffy lather…thing. I don't know what the fuck it's called. Anyway, I rub the soap all over my body I really hope the fruity smell will either wash away or at least cover up his smell. The exfoliating bead things in the soap make my skin feel a hell of a lot better and for the first time today I feel like I can breathe easy. I take in a deep breath, and the smell of the body wash cools my senses. I wonder where Buffy bought this. I guess I'll have to look around 'cause this stuff smells great. I guess I've been in here longer then I thought 'cause the water is starting to get cold. I quickly rinse all of the suds off my body and turn off the faucets. I don't get out right away. I just stand here and let the water drip down my body. Get your minds out of the gutter. This totally isn't a sexy situation. Unless you think a woman on the brink of tears is sexy.

Maybe some of the girls will hang out with me today. We spend so much time together that maybe they won't want to. I've made it very clear that we have a strictly teacher-student relationship or whatever so I don't think they'd be comfortable hanging out with me. I'm not like Faith, I can't hang out with my students and be totally relaxed. I'm constantly worried that something bad is going to happen and that I'm going to have to save them, especially with these girls. They're here for a reason, and that reason is because they haven't improved at all in the fighting department. No one really knows why, but we all think it has to do with some psychological reason, and that's why Mr. Giles sent them here to spend some time with Faith. The girls open up to her, they like talking to her and being around her because to her they're just another one of the girls. She treats them like everyone should be treated, but for whatever reasons the rest of us are having a little trouble doing that.

It's not so much that I can't relate to them, because I'm young enough that I remember exactly what it's like to be in high school, and have to deal with the slaying and the book learning, and dealing with friends and all of the other teenage angst. So I get all of that because I went through it just a couple of years ago. But even when I was a teenage girl I never really got along with teenage girls. I guess because I had to grow up so fast I was always more mature then them and listening to them bitch about their stupid little problems always made me mad. So what if your dad won't let you use the car? There's probably a good fucking reason for it. So I tend to distance myself from the younger girls because we have almost nothing in common. I've always gotten along with older people both men and women, a lot better because of the whole mature level thing.

None of that means I don't want to be here with these girls because I do, but I just don't really get along with them on a personal level and I don't think they'll want to go out somewhere with me. It could be really awkward since none of us really have anything in common. At least it feels that way. I really wish I had someone I could talk to. Faith is gone. They're in Ohio for Addison's birthday. Why they went over there for her birthday I don't know. She said something about wanting to see Mr. Giles, but we were talking on the phone and the kids were fighting so it was hard to hear. Joey is one of the cutest little boys on the planet but he can be such a brat. Faith has brought him with her a couple of times and that kid is going to be really good at training. They don't train him yet because he's so young, but some of the girls were playing around with him and he picked up very quick on their moves and started copying them.

Being around Faith's kids, especially Addison, always makes me a little sad. I know that probably sounds a little strange but that's the truth. Being around them and seeing them so happy and seeing Faith being the great mom that she is…I can't help but think about my little girl. I would've had a daughter but she was taken from me. I miscarried in the bathtub at that shitty motel in Philadelphia. So many things run through my mind whenever I start thinking about her. I'm pretty sure I would've gotten pregnant even if we hadn't run off together. We were having sex on a pretty regular basis, and the chances of us getting drunk on my birthday and forgetting to use a condom were pretty high even if we weren't living by ourselves. I think if we hadn't run off together I wouldn't have been so stressed out all of the time because of that shitty job. I think if we had stayed and I had gotten pregnant I would've been able to hold my baby girl in my arms instead of staring at her dead body at the bottom of the tub.

I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself. I really just want this fucking day to end, and it's only beginning. Maybe I should just crawl back into bed and forget all about it. That sounds really nice. But wait, I can't crawl back into my bed because that's where his smell is the strongest. Damn, I really need to get a new fucking apartment. There are a bunch of empty ones but this one is the farthest away from everyone else so it's the quietest. That's why Faith picked this one to be the intern's place. All of the other rooms are really close to the one Xander is staying in. Maybe I should just wash everything and spray the place down with bleach. That could work. Either that or kill Jasper, and no thank you. What the fuck am I going to do? It's not like I can just crash at Faith's place while they're gone because they're coming back in two days so there's pretty much no point.

I guess I'll have to do what everyone else does after a one nigh stand and wash the sheets myself. I wonder where Xander is right now. Mr. Giles is pretty cheap when it comes to spending the Council's funds so the only washer and dryer are downstairs. I really, really don't want to run into him today, even though that's going to be really hard. We're staying in the same building. His apartment is right down the hall and to the right so it's not like we're never going to see each other as long as he's staying here. We could bump into each other in the hall, or at the front doors, or if I go down to the training room, or the laundry room. Why does this place suddenly feel very small? Hmmm, maybe I could pay one of the girls twenty bucks to wash my sheets and blankets for me? Nah, those girls are lazy bitches, they'll never do it even if I offer them fifty.

When I walk into my room I go straight for the duffle bag. I don't even look at the bed. I really don't want to see it right now because just being in this room and smelling all of the different scents mixed together…it's like torture, and I have no idea how I've managed to not run from the room. I grab some clothes from the bag and run back into the bathroom. This is the only room in the entire apartment that doesn't smell like Xander. Ok, so what am I supposed to do, stay in here until it's time to go back to Ohio? I really don't think that's possible. Jasper knows how to open the fridge, but he just eats the left over meat that I put in there. He won't actually bring me food or anything. At least I don't think so. Nah, he'd get like halfway to the bathroom and then get hungry and eat it himself. He's a cat that loves his food probably more then he loves me.

I get dressed and start getting ready to leave. Sky is all pregnant and a little crazy because of all the hormones but maybe she'll want to hang out. We're not like B.F.F.'s or anything, but we used to hang out at the school sometimes. We had some classes together and sometimes after we'd go out for a drink. She stopped hanging out with a lot of her friends when she started seeing Willow, but I guess that's just how it goes. You start dating someone and you want to be around them most of the time since they're your person. It was kind of weird when she started dating Willow. Not because they're both girls but because of the whole teacher student relationship thing. Then again Sky wasn't a student when they got together since she was like…I don't know, in her late twenties. But it's still weird since they're like ten years apart. Willow definitely wouldn't be the first teacher to sleep with a student. Everybody knows that Mr. Tinsdale takes sexual favors from girls desperate enough to get their grades up.

The point I was trying to make was I don't think Sky is going to want to hang out. It's not like she's huge or anything. She's almost six months pregnant and has a little bump going on. It's big enough so everyone can tell that she's pregnant but she can still see her feet. At least I think she can. I saw her a couple weeks ago so she might've grown since then. I don't like being around pregnant women that much. I know that sounds a little weird but being around a pregnant woman always makes me think about my baby. Sometimes I think about what it's like to have a little life growing inside you, and how I missed out on that. I wonder what it would've been like if I didn't have a miscarriage, and that makes me really fucking sad. Sometimes it makes me think about the miscarriage itself and sometimes I flip out when I think about that. I don't get violent or anything, I'm really not a Faith Jr. It's just sometimes when I think about the miscarriage I can't breathe, and I feel like I'm going to pass out, and my whole body starts shaking.

The psychologist at the school said that I have panic attacks because I still have a lot of unresolved feelings about the miscarriage and my baby's death. Well duh! I don't think it takes a professional to figure that the fuck out. Did she get her degree off the internet or something? But whatever. I shouldn't get pissed off at her. She's not the problem, and I know that. It's just easier to take it out on other people sometimes. Hmmm, maybe I really am Faith Jr.? Nah, I couldn't be a Faith Jr. I could never kill a person no matter how much I wanted someone to love me. Oh yeah, I said it. Mmmhmmm, that's what I said. Everyone always freaks out about Faith killing Alan Finch because he was the Deputy Mayor or some shit like that. That's just kinda how it goes. Kill someone who's "important" and everyone freaks out. But that was an accident. She didn't handle it very well, but I don't think any of them did. No, the real evil is her killing that professor because that she did out of cold blood. I could never do that.

When I finish getting all of my make up on I take a good look at myself and everything just looks different. I don't know exactly what it is, but it's almost like I'm looking at someone else. Like this is someone else's life I've stumbled into and now I have to deal with all this shit. I guess this morning was a big revelation for me. My therapist would be so proud. And yes that was sarcastic. To be honest I haven't felt like myself for a very long time. I think what happened last night just brought everything out to the surface. All of those little boxes I had all my issues locked up tight in opened and now I can't force them to go back inside. I don't know how to deal with them, that's for fucking sure. That's the whole point of locking something away in the first place. I inspect every inch of my face, but the things I concentrate most on are my eyes. They just look so…void, I guess is the right word. How long have they looked like this?

Ok, I need to get the fuck out of here. This place is started to feel very suffocating and I can't stand it. I leave the bathroom and wander back into the kitchen. Jasper is finished with his breakfast and he's sitting on the counter cleaning off his face. I don't like it when he gets up on the counter but I don't care enough to do anything about it. I open up the fridge and take a look inside. I don't have a whole lot of food. I wasn't lying when I told him that this morning. I only buy enough to last me through the week and on Saturdays I go grocery shopping. Maybe I should do that. I need to just stick to my routine and try to pretend that this God awful mistake never happened. He's not even going to be here for that much longer. He's going back to California in a couple of days, and then everything will be fine again.

So, I need to come up with some sort of plan for the day. What? This is how I get organized, don't judge me. I am not too anal about things. I like having structure, and I like knowing what I need to do otherwise I feel all…rudderless. And yeah, I know how retarded that sounds. Ok, anyway, let's get on with this. The first thing I need to do is get something to eat. My stomach has been growling at me for the last fifteen minutes. After I get something to eat, probably just at that little diner Faith is always going on and on about, I'll get some shopping done. After I got grocery shopping I'll wash up those sheets and blankets…………No. I'm going to just buy new sheets and blankets before I go grocery shopping and burn the others. Ok maybe not burn them but I'll throw them out. If Buffy gets pissed that I bought new sheets that's her problem. I have no idea how to get the smell out of the rooms though. Maybe Oust? I don't know what to use.

I grab my keys off the end table next to the door and I lock it on my way out. I really hope I don't run into him. I'm sure he has a million places to be right now. I mean, he's been spending a lot of time with Willow since they haven't seen each other for a couple of years or whatever, so I'm sure that's where he is. Yep, just hanging out with Willow and nowhere near the building. So there's no way I can run into him because he's not here. Nope. No way. It's completely impossible. Alright so that's just really wishful thinking. Maybe if I run out of the building really fast no one will see me? No, I think that would be a little crazy. And possibly dangerous because if I run down these stairs as fast as I can the possibility of not being able to stop and hitting the wall at the bottom is pretty high, and I'd rather not crash through a wall this morning. That would just be a little melodramatic.

(The following night)

This right here is what I'm meant to do. This is what I was made for. This is who and what I am. I am the huntress. I am the thing that the monsters fear. I am the thing that keeps them creeping under the beds of little children, afraid to come out into the night to take me on. I am a wolf, and these are my hunting grounds. I stalk my way through the cemetery trying to get a read on everything. My mind is completely focused on the hunt and the little thrill I always get from this delicious suspense. The cemeteries in Lincoln, Nevada aren't as…exciting as the cemeteries in Cleveland. The variety of demons isn't as wide but that's perfectly fine with me. Right now is more about a mental challenge then it is a physical. I need to force myself to stay focused and forget about everything that's happened since Friday night when I took Xander to bed with me. If I get distracted by any of that shit then I could die and that would suck.

Ever since the resurrection of Buffy it is a very strict and punishable by death rule that no slayer killed in the line of duty is to be brought back. Mr. Giles made that rule for a reason, and it's understandable. Buffy was in heaven and she was ripped out of it because of her friends. Bringing her back fucked everything up, and it's the reason the First was so powerful. I'm glad she was brought back though, and I'm glad everything was so fucked up. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad that she went through hell and all of that shit, but if the balance hadn't been tipped so drastically then they wouldn't have done that spell to make every potential on earth a slayer. If they hadn't done that spell I wouldn't be what I was meant to be. And if I didn't have this, if I didn't have this chill running down my spine or the feel of the cool wood clutched loosely in my hand I'd probably be living on the street, or in prison, or dead.

I don't know if anyone has tried to bring anybody back, but I sure haven't. It's one of the first things they tell you when you show up at the school. Mr. Giles sits you down in his office and explains all of the ground rules, ya know, no running in the halls or putting gum under the desks, and no sneaking off at night to slay by yourself no matter how strong the urge is. After he does that he starts explaining the rules about magic. He tells you that he understands some girls are going to be curious and want to practice magic just to see what they can do. He says that he understands some girls have been practicing at home and would like to continue. He tells you that he also understands that some girls are going to die in the line of duty and there's nothing we can do about it. He says that even if the girl is your best friend, your sister, your cousin, your lover it doesn't matter what they mean to you, you have to let them go and somehow move on.

I know it sounds a little…callous but he says all of that in a very gentle tone, and when he told me I nodded my head 'cause I agreed with him. It doesn't sound like a big deal but it was at the time because this is when I was a little rebel and refused to agree with anything an adult had to say. After the gentle speech he gets a little…scary. I know it sounds retarded because he's Mr. Giles but trust me that guy is fuckin intimidating when he wants to be. He looks you dead in the eyes and he explains that there are ways to bring a person back, but most of them turn out wrong, and even if you are magically strong enough to bring them back there's a great chance you'll be taking them out of a better place. The look he gets on his face, and that hard, cold expression he gets in his eyes as he tells you if you do try to bring someone back you will be killed as a punishment…I never want to see him look at me that way again.

I'm snapped out of that memory when I feel that teasing little prickle at the back of my neck and my entire body tenses up. I stop moving and just concentrate on the feeling. It's a little weak, and not very intense, so I'd guess a vampire about two hundred feet to my right. My toes curl a little bit and my fingers instinctively tighten around my stake. My heart starts racing as I become in tune with the vampire that's decided to come to this cemetery. He's not a newbie that much I can tell, but he isn't very old either. I'd guess he or she has been a vampire for maybe fifty years, possibly a little longer. It sounds old but trust me, that's a kid compared to other vampires. I can feel the cold death of his being brush against my warm skin. I can see a little of his surroundings. There's a tombstone with an angel on top of it. It's about three feet tall, and very old. I can feel the fiery liquid running across my tongue, and smoothly down my throat. Fuck, he's feeding!

I open my eyes and take off like a shot towards the vampire. I can feel exactly where he is so I won't need to look around. I know him now, and yes I even know for sure he's a man. I have his scent, his taste, the fell of him is all embedded inside my brain, and I know the woman he's feeding off of doesn't have long. I honestly don't think I'll make it in time. At just the thought of that I reach down deep and find some inner strength, and use the anger and frustration I've been feeling since Saturday morning to make myself run faster. I rip the air around me from its resting place into my lungs, and it burns its way through my system, and I'm not even tired yet. I could go on like this for hours. There's something that no one likes to talk about, something about the "new generation" of slayers that the Scoobies don't discuss anymore because of what happened two years after the spell took place. I wasn't there so I don't know exactly what happened but I've talked to some slayers who were there and it was pretty fuckin brutal.

See, there are some downsides to Willow's spell, downsides that no one even thought of when they decided to cast it. They thought that all of the potentials would just be turned into slayers like Buffy and Faith were. Everyone thought they would just get this huge power surge and then be fine just like Buffy and Faith. But that's not exactly what happened. Some girls were given so much power their bodies couldn't handle it and they died. Some girls were already mentally unhealthy and becoming a slayer just tipped them over the edge. There was this one girl who was brought to the facility from LA, and she was very insane. She was so far gone and no one could reach her. Again this is just what I heard 'cause I wasn't there. Anyway, Buffy was starting to regret the decision because all of these damaged girls were coming in, and becoming slayers just made them so much worst.

Mr. Giles thought it would be best if they ended that one girl's misery because she wasn't going to get any better. Buffy made another of her famous speeches after that saying "we did this to them. I did this to them" and how it wasn't fair that they had to suffer because of something they did. I don't know what happened to the girl after that, but I do know that even now there are slayers being called that have special abilities, and certain powers that "normal" slayers don't. I'm one of those people. I can hone in on a vampire or demon and I know things about it that other slayers could never know unless they fight it. Take this vampire for example. I know how strong he is, I know his weaknesses, and I know exactly how far away he is from me. Sounds pretty awesome, right?

Well, here's the downside to it. I can see his victims, every single one of them. I can see him ripping their throats out, and raping them as he feeds. I know that's not happening to this girl, and I'm glad because if this thing were to lay his hands on her like that she wouldn't want to be alive afterwards. I hit a small patch of trees and easily make my way around them. It isn't too difficult, and I'm grateful for that because every second it takes me to get there the closer this woman is slipping to her death. I know that sounds all dramatic, but this is the life of a slayer, bloody and dramatic. I wouldn't give this up for the world though, because this is me. This is everything that I stand for, everything I could ever want, and this vamp is about to find out exactly what I'm made of.

I burst out of the trees and grab the vamp by the back of his neck. I can feel him tense with surprise, and I squeeze so fucking hard he's forced to let go of the woman in his arms. I see her fall to the ground out of the corner of my eye, and I concentrate on eliminating the threat. Some slayers like to do the whole 'playful banter' thing. Some of them like to beat up on the vampires and demons before they kill them, but I think that's pretty pointless. Why play with your food when you can just enjoy eating it? Ok, that came out totally wrong and disgusting. What I mean is, why make it longer then it has to be? The killing is the best part because it's such a rush. Your stake goes into the vampire's cold, dead heart, and it's like every molecule in your body freezes for a few seconds until the body turns to dusk and fades into nothing but a pile of ashes.

I throw the vampire a good six feet and get into a defensive pose. My blood is rushing through my veins, and pounding in my ears, but I force myself not to focus on it. Sometimes the fight can get so intense I feel like I'm having an out of body experience and I'm tempted to just sit back and watch it happen. But I can't do that. I can't lose my focus for a second with this one because he's strong, and his weakness is going to be hard to get to. He jumps off the ground and he's already in game face. He has blood slowly dribbling down his chin in two little streams out of the corners of his mouth. They meet at the bottom and then drip down onto his shirt. The smell of it is heavy in the air, and my muscles twitch as we stare each other down. I stare straight into his hungry yellow eyes and the hateful look in them sends a little shiver own my spine.

He makes the first move like I knew he would. Letting out a primal growl he lunges at him with all of his strength and enough speed to make me stumble back when he collides. I so wasn't ready for that. I know he's strong but I wasn't expecting this. He has me by the shoulders and takes advantage of the fact that I'm surprised. He goes for my throat with those nasty bloodstained teeth and for a second a panic. For a second a little thought flutters through my mind. For a second I think I'm going to die. But the thought, and moment passes and before he can connect I head butt him, and then bring my knee up hard and fast into his groin. He's momentarily stunned and I pull my fist back and punch him in the fact as hard as I can. He stumbles back, and he doesn't recover right away so I keep attacking.

I let out a fury of punches and kicks, and he does his best to block them. He's doing a good fucking job and I'm hardly hitting anything. He gets a lucky shot, and punches me hard in the face. I stumble back and can't get my balance and I land hard on my back. I'm literally seeing spots. What next, cartoon birds flying in circles around my head twittering their little bird songs? Damn I think weird things when I get a concussion. I hear a little whimper and I look over to my right. I see the person he was feeding off of and she's not a woman like I thought. I guess this scenario never entered my mind because I've never dealt with this before. The person lying on the ground looking terrified is female, but she can't be more then eleven years old. She's holding onto her neck but blood is still flowing out of the wound. He really tore her up. Normally after a vampire lets go the blood will stop flowing after a minute or two, but this bastard dug in and moved his teeth around to make the holes bigger.

I look into the little girl's brown eyes that are huge with fright, and a rage starts to slowly build inside of me. I've never felt like this before. I've been angry before, and I've been mad and pissed off and upset, but this is totally different from all of those feelings. This is an actual thing. It's taking me over from the inside out. It's like a burning ball inside of my stomach, making the muscles tighten and scream in pain. It's quickly working its way through the rest of my body, and it's getting really hard to breathe. All I can see are those two big brown eyes with the big tears leaking out and running down her cheeks, and the terror reaching down and touching her soul. I'm snapped out of the moment and forced to look away when I feel the vampire jump on top of me. I'm so pissed off right now, so filled with this rage that just keeps on growing, that I don't even feel the hits as he punches my face once, and then twice.

Right before his fist connects for a third time I reach out lightening quick, and grab his hand. I squeeze as hard as I can and I can feel the sick crunch of the bones snapping. He screams out in pain, and I bring my feet up and push him off me. He goes flying through the air and lands on top of a tombstone. Part of the old stone breaks off and crumbles under the force of his body hitting in, and he falls to the ground, and lands on top of it. In less then a second I'm up and running towards him. I'm still a little dizzy but that's not stopping me as I run up to him and start stomping. I go for his ribs first. I stomp on them with the heel of my shoe, and don't stop until I feel them cracking under the force. He's trying to get away, he's trying to fight back, but it's pretty useless. Right now I'm like hurricane force winds pummeling through a small seashore town. The buildings may hold for a while but eventually they give and are swept away.

After most of his ribs are broken, and he can hardly move I stomp on his face a couple of times with very deliberate blows. I'm not just trying to cause damage and ruin his face, I'm after something and I'm not going to stop until I get it. I stop after the fifth time because it's finally ready. I reach down and force his mouth open. He's so weak and powerless right now there's nothing he can do to stop me and I like that feeling. I reach into his once deadly mouth and pull out his fangs. I might as well have taken out my switchblade and sliced his balls off because to a vampire that's basically what I just did. I put the teeth in my pocket and ram my stake through his chest. I feel the muscle shred, and the bones give way, and the next thing I see is the nearly unconscious creature vanish into a puff of ash.

I stand up straight and stretch out my muscles. They're so tight and sore from whatever the fuck it was that came over me. I have no fuckin clue what that was about but I'm glad it's over. That wasn't a good kill. I didn't get any pleasure out of it, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I mean that literally. I was breathing hard through my mouth and accidentally sucked in some dust and that shit doesn't taste good at all. Why am I even thinking about that? I turn around and look at the little girl lying on the ground. She's still holding her neck but the smell in the air is different. Her wound is starting to close, and all of the blood that I can smell is turning stale. I can't really explain the difference between the two different smells. It's kinda like porn you know it when you see it, or in this case when you smell it.

I slowly walk over to the little girl and I stop about five feet away. I don't want to get too close. She's scared enough as it is without having me crowd her. She sits up, and brings her legs up to her chest, and she's still clutching her wound even though it's not bleeding anymore. I can see her little mind racing in those huge brown eyes of hers. There's something about them that look familiar but that's crazy because I've never seen this kid before. I put my stake in my back pocket, and try to calm my breathing down. I don't want to scare her anymore then she already is, but I'm a stranger who just brutalized and killed the thing that was attacking her so I think either way she's going to be afraid of me. I make sure to move slowly as I put my hair behind my ear so it's not in my face anymore. I give her a small smile, but she still looks horrified. I really don't blame her.

"Hi," I know that's really lame but I couldn't think of anything else to say. "I'm Lily, what's your name?" I'm trying to sound nice and friendly but I'm still breathing a little hard and my voice is deeper then it normally is for reason I'm not going to think about in front of a little kid because I think that's boarder line illegal. She doesn't say anything, she just stares at me with those big doe eyes. "That's ok, you don't have to tell me. You're not supposed to talk to strangers and all of that junk." Ha, I got a little smile because of that. "But I promise I'm not going to hurt you. In fact, I'm kind of like a superhero." Yeah, I know I have an ego, what of it? "And you know how in comics people aren't afraid to talk to the superheroes?" Hmmm, maybe I should have referenced something else? I'm not sure if a lot of little girls read comics. She nods her head so maybe she does. "Well it's ok to talk to me. You don't have to be afraid anymore." I wait as she seems to think it over. "Can you tell me your name now?"

"Cristina," she says in the smallest voice I've ever heard. My smile gets a little bigger and I scoot a little closer to her. Not too close though because I don't want to break this little bit of trust we have going on. She doesn't move away from me, and I guess that's a good sign. I'm not that good with little kids so I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I'm just trying my best to stay calm because usually if an adult is calm and collected the kids will calm down. At least that's how it goes on Super Nanny. Hopefully watching that show will pay off at least a little bit.

"That's a pretty name. Do you think I can take a look at your neck?" She stops breathing and her legs tense up a little more. I didn't even think that was possible. "It's ok. I don't have to look right now. But I need to have to look later so I can put a bandage on it, ok?" She just nods her head. I get a little closer, and now I'm only three feet away. She doesn't seem too intimidated by me so she's probably still scared because of what happened. Alright so now what am I supposed to do? I'm sitting here in a cemetery in the middle of the fucking night, I just saved this girl from a vampire but now I have no idea what to do with her. Normally when I save someone it's some stupid person who decided the cemetery would be a good short cut, or someone who was pulled into an alley. I've never saved a kid before. Light bulb moment. I can take her to Sky's place. Sky always knows what to do. And she's almost a mom so she's gotta have some type of maternal instincts, right?

"Ok Cristina, I know this is a lot to ask, but we need to get out of here, ok? It isn't safe." I can't feel any right now but I'm sure there are vampires and demons roaming around and if they smell her blood they'll come running faster then a fat person to a free buffet. Ok, that was mean but whatever. She nods her head a little bit, and I hold out my hand. She very slowly reaches over and takes it with her unoccupied one. I stand, and carefully help her to her feet. She stumbles a little which means she's woozy. That's definitely not a good sign. When I was still running over here I thought she was an adult woman, which means the vampire took even more blood from her body since she's so small. "Don't worry, my friend Sky will be able to help. She always knows what to do." Ok well maybe she doesn't always know for sure, but she always has ideas, and right now I've got nothing.

We start walking out of the cemetery and when we're about ten feet away from the gate she collapses. I catch her before she falls, and pick her up. If she can't make it out of the cemetery then there's no way she'll be able to walk to Sky's. It's about a half hour walk from here, and with how much blood she's lost I'll probably be running. I cradle her in my arms as if she was a baby, and she feels completely weightless. I know it's because I'm a slayer, but for some reason I feel like she's slipping away from me. She's so pale she looks like a ghost. I pick up the pace but I don't full out run. I don't want her to get sick or anything. She has her arms wrapped around my neck and she's holding on as tight as she can, and even though I'm a slayer it feels really weak. Fuck, maybe I should just take her to a hospital. But the nearest hospital is in Vegas and it would be way faster to drive there even if I was running as fast as I can.

I let out a sigh of relief when I reach Sky's house. I have no idea how long it took me to get here, but it feels like it took hours. I jump the three steps up onto the porch and as soon as my feet are on the ground I start pounding on the door. Cristina looks like she's about to pass out so I start talking to her a little bit. I have no idea what I'm saying I'm just asking her random questions. My mind is racing and my blood is pumping so hard right now. I don't think I've ever been this afraid before. Why am I feeling like this? She's not even my kid. I don't even have a maternal bone in my entire body. I can see some lights on through the window so what the fuck is taking Sky so damn long?! The door opens and Sky looks a little irritated. I'm just glad it was her and not Willow. She might've turned me into a rat or something.

"She was attacked by a vampire. She lost a lot of blood," I say and push my way passed her. I know it was rude but this kid needs help now. Sky takes me into the living room and I lay Cristina down on the couch. She looks so fucking pale, and she's all clammy. That really can't be good. She's still holding onto her wound and it must've reopened because I can smell fresh blood. I very gently lift her hand off her neck and blood starts pouring out of it. What the fuck?! Those weren't teeth marks on her neck. He cut her, probably with a knife. Why the fuck would he do that? I cover the wound with both of my hands and add enough pressure to stop the bleeding but not enough to hurt her. "Sky, she's bleeding bad. We need to get her to a hospital." I hear the word no come out of her mouth and I see red. "What the fuck do you mean no?! This kid is bleeding to death! We need to get her to a fucking hospital now!"

"Would you shut your mouth before you wake the neighbors up? She's lying in a house with the world's most powerful witch do you really think she needs to go to a hospital?" Oh. I never thought of it like that. "Just wait here, I'll go get Willow." Yeah you do that. I don't say that out loud because I'd rather not get slapped by an insane pregnant slayer. Ok, so she's not insane but sometimes it seems like it. I try to look into Cristina's eyes but they're half closed and completely unfocused. I can feel her blood all over my hands but I can't grip any tighter without hurting her too much. I don't want to accidentally snap her neck. I've never done that to someone but I'm sure it's happened before to someone else and I'd rather not make someone else's mistake. I hear footsteps but I don't look up. "Ok, Lily you need to get out of the way."

"I can't take my hands off her neck or she'll bleed out. He cut her with a knife or something, maybe a razor blade, I don't fucking know. It's bigger then a vampire bite and she's still bleeding so I can't let go." I don't look up when I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. They need to back the fuck off before they get smacked because I will not hold back on the strength. I take in a deep shaky breath and let my slayer senses crawl out. Fuck, it's Sky who's touching me. I can't hit a pregnant woman. Well, I've never hit one before. It's not like I make a habit out of being friends with preggos. I can't guarantee that I won't if she doesn't stop pissing me off.

"Willow isn't going to let that happen." How the fuck does she know what's going to happen? That bastard probably nicked the artery and if I let go it'll only take a few seconds for her to be dead. I can't let that happen. She's just a baby, she didn't ask for this, and she hasn't been alive long enough to have done anything to deserve it. "Lily, everything is going to be alright. I promise that she's going to be ok. But you have to let go now. You have to trust us, ok?" I can't do that. I can't let go of her. If I let go then she'll die and it'll be my fault. I shouldn't have stood there so long. I should've started running as soon as I felt the vampire. I wasted so much fucking time doing pointless shit. This is all my fault. I feel Sky wrap her arms around me, and then she holds onto both of my wrists, but she's not trying to pull me off Cristina.

"You need to let go now, baby girl. We'll take care of her. She's dying right now, Lily. Let us help her," Sky whispers and I can feel her breath softly brush against my ear. It makes me shiver a little bit. I look down into Cristina's unfocused eyes and her skin looks even paler then before. She's right I need to learn to let go. I need to let her go now. I've been holding on for way too long. I let go of her and as soon as my hands leave her neck Sky pulls me back and Willow jumps in and takes my place. I struggle a little bit but Sky doesn't let me go. Why the fuck is she holding onto me like that? I struggle a little harder and she finally lets go. "Alright, alright, just calm down. You are you ok? You're getting really upset." I nod my head and walk away from her. I can't be in here right now. I can't be around her.

I walk into the kitchen so I can wash off my hands and I stop short when I see someone sitting at the table. Great, this night couldn't get any fucking worst. I walk passed the table and over to the sink. I turn on the faucet and look down at my hands. They're covered in blood. If it was my blood it would be ok, but it's not. I don't think I can handle this right now. I can't handle seeing this and seeing him all at the same time. I need to get the fuck out of here but I can't fucking move. Why won't my Goddamn legs work? I my whole body tenses when I feel him stand up. Sometimes having all of these slayer powers is a bitch. I would rather just ignore him, but I can feel every move he's making a few seconds before he makes it.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't know." What the fuck is he talking about? I look over at him, and he starts walking towards me. The way he's walking kinda reminds me of the way I was walking towards Cristina. Small deliberate movements, with a look of calm. But he isn't calm. I can hear his heart racing. "I didn't know about Mark." How the FUCK did he find out about Mark? "Willow is connected to every slayer in the world because of the spell, and sometimes when a slayer is in enough pain she gets the memories." So she ran to Xander and told him all about it? "Don't blame her, I made her tell me. We've known each other since we were five I know how to get something out of her." I guess he has a point. But still, that's fucked up. Whatever happened to vagina loyalty? "Look, Lily, I don't regret what happened between us." Neither do I. I want to tell him that but I can't. "But I understand now why you acted the way you did." He doesn't know shit about me.

"He hurt you, and it still hurts. It hurts so bad that you never want it to happen again so you push everyone away." Ok, so maybe he gets it a little bit. But he doesn't get all of it. He doesn't get the fact that Mark broke me, and I don't think I can ever be fixed. I don't think I can ever love anybody again and I don't want to try. I don't want to try because what if I can't love someone and they love me more then anyone else in the world? What if I can't return that? They'll be hurt, and probably feel like I feel right now and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. "But he's not here anymore. He can't hurt you anymore, Lily. The only person hurting you is you because you won't let anyone get close to you." Where the fuck is all of this coming from? We barely know each other, so why the fuck does he care?

"What does it matter?" I ask and my tone sounds a little harsh. I turn to face him and he still looks like he's talking to a little kid. He has a daughter maybe he's just used to it. "You don't know me. You don't know a fucking thing about me so why does it fucking matter if I won't let people get close?" He walks up to me, and he's standing so close. I can smell everything on him. I can smell his deodorant, and his body spray, and his sweat. I don't know what he was doing but the smell of his sweat is a little strong, and it's just reminding me of the other night. It's reminding me of the way he looked at me when he was inside of me. I couldn't handle the expression on his face so I gently pulled his face down to my neck, and he started placing little kisses right behind my ear. He was so gentle, and so…I don't even know how to describe it.

"It matters, alright? I know it sounds completely crazy because we don't even know each other, and all we've done for the last week and a half is argue. But I care about you, and I'm attracted to you. I can't stop thinking about you, even before we slept together." I look away from him and I force the tears back. I can't handle this right now. I can't handle that little girl and him at the same time. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. "There's something else though, isn't there?" His voice is so gentle and so…loving that I have to look up at him. I look at him for a few seconds, and then I look down at my hands. The blood is starting to dry just like it did before. There was so much blood. I couldn't believe how much blood there was. I see his hands cover mine, and then he gently holds onto them. I can feel the blood acting like a paste and his hands are stuck to mine.

"I can't," I say and he takes another step towards me. He's in my personal space now, but I don't feel crowded. I don't feel like I need to move away from him, or push him away from me. I've never felt like this before about anyone and it's really freaking me out. "I can't talk about it…" 'It'? Are you fucking kidding me? She was your baby and you're calling her 'it'? "I can't talk about her." He lets go of my hands but it's a little difficult because of the sticky blood. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest. All of those tears I've been holding in are starting to come out and I don't think I can force them back this time. I feel his hand gently caressing the back of my head and I let out a little sigh. I close my eyes and just focus on his gentle touch, and my aching muscles start to relax.

"You can't talk about who, Lily?" God I love it when he says my name. I don't know why I love the sound of it, but I do. I guess I just love his voice, but there's something different about the way he says it, something…special. I have no idea what it is and I'm not even going to try to figure it out because I don't think I ever will. All I know is that I love the way my voice sounds coming from his lips and that's all that matters. Anyway I choke back a sob and pull my face away from his chest so I can talk. I don't know if he'll be able to understand me because I have a big lump in my throat. I don't want to try and clear it because I think if I do I might start crying, and I know that sounds stupid but whatever.

"I was gonna have a baby," I manage to choke out. I don't think he understood me. I barely understood me just now. I sniffle very loudly and take in a deep breath. It isn't calming like I thought it was going to be but it does help with the whole not crying thing. "Me and Mark, we were gonna have a baby." I've never talked about it out loud before, at least not while I was sober. The only person I've ever talked about this before was with Faith and I was drunk and that's the only reason why I talked about it. I start crying really hard and I feel my legs start to give. I grab onto his shoulders and he catches me before I fall. I feel him start to back up and he sits down in the chair at the table. He pulls me down onto his lap so I'm straddling him, and I bury my face in his neck.

"We were gonna…have a baby…and…and then he left. He left…and I couldn't…I couldn't handle the stress. I just couldn't. And my baby she…she miscarried. I lost her…and it's all…it's all my fault." It's all my fucking fault. I'm such a retard for doing what I did. Looking back I regret it more then anything in the world. I killed my baby. I killed her and she didn't deserve it. She was too young to have done anything to deserve that. "I couldn't handle the stress and…I just needed a drink…just one…one drink and that night…she died and it's my fault. I…I killed my baby." I can't talk anymore. I don't want to talk anymore. I feel like the world's most horrible person. I should be locked up in solitary confinement for the rest of my life because I don't deserve to be free. I murdered her. He starts making this little shushing sound in my ear but I can't stop crying.

"Lily, listen to me ok? I know it hurts. I can't even imagine how much, but just listen ok?" I don't say anything back or nod or anything, but he keeps talking anyway. "Lily, one drink can't make you miscarry." Whatever. He's just lying to make me feel better about myself. But I know it's the truth because Mark was gone for a few days and it was after I had the drink that I miscarried so Xander is wrong. "I'm not saying this to make you feel better." What is he a mind reader now? "When Katie was pregnant with Miranda she accidentally drank something that had alcohol in it. She didn't know it was in there and she couldn't taste it, but she knew after she started to feel the affects. She went to the doctor a couple of days later and asked about it because she was really freaked out, and the doctor told her it takes more then one drink to cause a miscarriage."

"It can't?" I sob out right into his ear. He's probably going deaf or something. Why do I ruin everything I touch? Why can't I just be a normal person for once? I can never do anything right. Thousands of teenage girls give birth every year but I couldn't even do that right. He's being so sweet and so gentle with me and when I'm not being a huge bitch to him, I'm crying all over him and ruining his hearing. He starts to gently rub my back and I tighten my grip on him a little. Just because I'm all upset doesn't mean I can squeeze him to death.

"No, it can't. You were all alone with a baby on the way. It was probably stress, or a genetic thing. There are many reasons why, but that's not one of them. You didn't kill your baby." I didn't kill my baby? I didn't kill my baby. I start crying even harder and he tightens his grip on me. That's exactly what I need, and he just lets me cry. I didn't kill my baby. I didn't kill her, I didn't kill her, I didn't kill her! I keep thinking that over and over and over again and eventually I start to calm down. I don't know how long we've been sitting here like this but I do feel a little better. "Do you want a tissue? I can get you a tissue." I can't help but laugh a little bit. It's almost like he's rewording the breakfast conversation.

"No, I'm good," I say, and let out a little sigh. I don't know exactly what he wants from me, I don't even know if I'll be able to give it to him, but I guess I can try. I mean, ever since he showed up he's been making me feel things that I've never felt before and I really want to find out what that means. He wants me to open up to him. He wants me to let him get close. At least I think so. It's pretty obvious that's what he was saying earlier. So I guess I should start working on that opening up thing. I nuzzle his neck a little bit and I feel him give me a little kiss on the side of my head. I can't help the little smile that tugs at the corner of my lips. "All I need is this." I know that was totally corny or whatever, but it's true. At this very moment all I need is him holding me and making me feel special, and I'm willing to admit that he's good at it.


	81. The Other Side Of This Life

**A/N: **_Ok so sorry for taking me over a month to get this posted, but you guys know how I am. I'd like to thank my beta for putting up with me and my rants and my other craziness. For those of you who read The Proposal or Know Who I Am, just be patient. I am working on new chapters for each and I'll try to have them posted soon. I'm focusing my efforts into this story for now because I would like to end it. I know it's like a soap opera and we'll all be sad to see it go, but I've been working on this for two years I think it's about time it came to an end. Not any time soon, don't worry. You'll still get plenty of SDD goodness for a while. Well that's all I gotta say so enjoy your chapter and I'll have the next one up as soon as possible._

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**Cleveland, Ohio. One Week Later.** BPOV

Well it's official, our baby girl is seven years old now. I can't believe how fast it's gone by. I know that's what parents say and I never really believed it but it's true. One minute you have a little crying baby waking you up at odd hours of the night to be fed and changed and making our life heaven and hell at the same time, and the next thing you know you sweet precious little angel has taken your favorite pair of high heeled shoes that were very expensive and stuffed them down the toilet. Oh yeah, that's what I said. Addison is pissed off at me because I told her she can't go out with Faith and I tonight. It's not like we're going out to have fun. Giles wants us to have a meeting with him in his office to discuss slayer business. I told that to Addison but she thinks she's old enough to go too. So she took my favorite pair of shoes and stuffed them down the toilet.

This night is going to be stressful and she's just making it worst. It's not like I want to have a meeting with Giles because it's not going to be about anything good so I'm already on edge and I really don't want to deal with her tantrums. She's in her room right now and that's where she's staying for the rest of the night. I took out the TV and all of her toys and she'll get them back in a couple of days. She needs to learn her lesson because those shoes cost me one hundred fifty dollars. She knows they were my favorite, and now they're ruined. Sissy is going to be keeping an eye on the kids tonight while Faith and I go this meeting and the only reason Addison is allowed to leave her room is to use the bathroom. My nerves are already fried and I honestly don't know how I'm going to handle this meeting tonight. If it were up to me I wouldn't go at all, but Giles says it's really important and that Faith and I are the best for this particular job.

That's right he's sending us out on a mission. I have no idea what he wants us to do but he said that it's a local job just here in town. I don't understand why he can't have one of the interns do it, but I guess we'll figure that out after we're briefed. I sigh very heavily as I tie my Nike's. I just want this night to end, and I have a feeling that isn't going to happen for a while. There was something about Giles' tone that I really didn't like. It reminded of a long time ago when we had to make a decision about something else and I was completely against him on it. I was pregnant with Matthew at the time so my hormones were all over the place, and even if I wasn't pregnant and hormonal I would've been completely against his decision. I just wouldn't have used so many cuss words trying to make my point.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Faith asks and she wraps her arms around me from behind. She rests her thighs on either side of mine, and I lean against her and sigh again. Only this time it's a good sigh. Having her here is making me feel better just like always. Whatever Giles has to tell us tonight I know we can handle, and I'm probably going to be relying on her for more emotional support then normal. Although I doubt she'll mind. She loves it when I let my guard down and let her take care of me. That doesn't mean I'm not going to help her during the mission, whatever it is. It just means she'll be doing most of the heavy lifting. I know that doesn't sound very fair, but I really don't think I'm going to be at my one hundred percent best tonight and depending on what Giles is sending us out for things could get a little ugly. Here's hoping he just wants us to pick up his dry cleaning.

"Nothing, sweetie. It's just been a long day, and I really don't want to go to this meeting. We're here on vacation I think it's a little mean that Giles has us working." She places a few little kisses on my neck and I can feel my muscles melting at her gentle touch. This is exactly what I needed to unwind. Maybe Giles is sending us to slay something and afterwards we'll be worked up? That would be nice. I could really use her touch in other places right now. I don't need to go slaying to get in the mood, but it always helps. She gently rubs my sides, and stomach and I close my eyes at the calming sensation. She always knows exactly what to do to calm me down and make me feel so much better.

"How about I go, and you go down to the wreck room. Watch some movies, have some popcorn, relax a little bit. If Giles says anything I'll tell him to fuck off," she says and she's trying to sound all big and tough. I laugh a little bit because I know she would tell him that. She's done it before when he wanted me to go on a mission that she thought was too dangerous. I completely understand why even though she was a little out of line saying that I couldn't go. We had just found out I was pregnant with Matthew. I still hadn't told Giles because I had no idea how he was going to react. Giles had flown all the way out to California to ask me to go on this mission that was "of the upmost importance" and I told him that I couldn't do it. He got a little…bossy. Faith told him to go fuck himself and then told him send someone else and then she just came out and told him that I was pregnant.

"It's ok, I'll go. When I talked to him on the phone earlier……I really didn't like the sound of his voice. It reminded me of the Dana thing." She tenses up because she knows exactly what I'm talking about. That was a really hard time for all of us and especially for Faith because it wasn't long ago that she was in almost the exact same situation. The only difference was Faith didn't suffer the kind of torture that Dana had as a child so Faith wasn't too far gone. She wasn't so delusional that she was completely unreachable. We had to make a decision about what to do with her and some of us had different ideas that were completely crazy and inhumane and they were totally wrong. I don't want Faith being in a black mood just because I am. "I'm sure it has nothing to do with that. He's been really stressed out lately, and I'm starting to think maybe he's getting a little old for this job." I know that sounds horrible but I worry. Faith chuckles a little bit, and leaves a little kiss on my ear.

"Just don't let him hear you say that," she says and let go of me. I feel a little cold now. She slides away from me and hops off the bed. I know I sound really whiney, but I just want her to hold me right now. I watch as she walks over to the vanity and touches up her make up. I don't know why she's bothering with that because we're just going on a mission. It's not like we're going out somewhere like the movies or a restaurant to spend time together. We haven't been out on a date night in a long time. I think we need to do that soon. Having a family is great, and I know raising my kids is the most important thing I'll ever do, but we need out time together to just be a couple. When we go out together we're not Mom and Mama. We're Buffy and Faith, two people completely in love with each other who just want to have a nice meal together and make out on a park bench afterwards.

"We need to get going," she says and I sigh a little bit. She walks over to me and holds out her hand. I take it in my own and she slowly pulls me up. She wraps her arms around me and I rest my head on her shoulder, and bury my face in her neck. This is my favorite hiding place in the whole world. This is where her smell is the strongest because not only can I smell her unique scent, but I can smell the perfume she uses, and I can smell her conditioner. When I'm hiding in this spot with her arms wrapped around me I know nothing can hurt me. She makes me feel so safe, and I love her so much for it. I nuzzle her neck, and she chuckles a little bit. "Babe, just stay here ok? You don't have to go to the meeting. I'll talk to Giles about it." I shake my head no, and she chuckles again. "Ok, baby, if you really wanna go. Tell me when you're done hiding and we'll go." I leave a little kiss on her neck and sigh a very content sigh.

"I know thinking about her makes you upset," she whispers and I tense up a little bit. I really don't want to think about this right now. "It was bad for all of us, B." It really, really was. I didn't talk with any of them for over a month after that happened. "But it was a long time ago." So I'm just supposed to forget about it? I get where she's coming from, and she's right. It was a very long time ago, over a decade ago, so there's really no point getting upset about it now. It's hard to believe it's been such a long time, but it has. When I was fighting with Giles and Willow about what to do with that girl Matthew started kicking me like he was trying to escape. Faith could just tell that I was in pain by the way I was standing and she told the others to leave the room but he kept kicking me. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" I lift my head off her shoulder and look into her eyes.

"Kiss me and tell me I'm beautiful?" I say and she gets a little smirk on her face. She does kiss me though, and it's one hell of a kiss. If she kisses me like this every day for the rest of our lives I will die the happiest woman in the world. She tightens her hold on me, and I gently run my fingers through her hair as our lips softly caress each other. We pull back when breathing becomes an issue, and she places little kisses on my cheeks and forehead. Then she looks deeply into my eyes and I can't help but smile at the mischievous look on her face.

"You are the most beautiful, the sexiest, the hottest, the loveliest, most attractive woman in the whole entire world," she says and the look on her face is a little playful, but the look in her eyes is nothing but serious. I want to be all sarcastic and tell her that 'whole entire' is redundant but it doesn't matter. Right now this is the only thing that matters. She kisses me again, just a little peck that I barely have time to reciprocate. "You all better now?" I nod my head a little but stick out my bottom lip in a big pout anyway. "Awww, B, not the lip. You know I can't handle the lip." I make my lip quiver a little and the smile on her face gets bigger. "Knock it off, Blondie, we gotta get going." She always does this when I pout. First she gets all touchy feely, then she gets all serious and tries not to smile. I pout some more and her smile comes back. I yelp a little when she pinches my ass. "Alright B, we gotta go. We're already late." I sigh but go willingly when she takes my hand and leads me out of the room.

We kiss the kids goodbye and tell them to get good and that we love them. We always make sure to tell them that before we go out on patrol. If I am going to die at the hands of a demon or a vampire I want the last words I say to my children to be 'I love you'. Even if they're mad at me and they don't want to hear it I still tell them that before I leave their bedrooms. We make our way down the path towards the slayer school. We still have our little guest house, but the kids have to share a room. Giles wasn't expecting us so he didn't have time to add any rooms. It's alright this way, but Matthew doesn't like it very much. He's always had this own bedroom except when we go on vacation. He hates having to sleep with the younger kids because the he can't stay up really late. But we're only going to be here until the beginning of December and then we're headed home. The kids are going to miss the snow, that's for sure.

I sigh very heavily as we reach Giles' office. It's not that I'm not happy to see Giles. The whole point of this trip was to spend some time with him. But right now at this very moment I'd rather be home curled up in my bed with my wife lying by my side. I'd rather be in bed with my wife so I can roll over and start kissing her, and touching her, and making love to her. I don't know what's up with me right now, but I feel a little vulnerable, if that display back there wasn't enough proof of that. I feel like havin Faith on top of me, kissing me, and whispering to me that I'm beautiful and how much she loves me. But that isn't going to happen so I should just forget it. Maybe it will happen tonight if I'm in the mood. Just because I'll be post slayage doesn't mean I'll want to do anything about it. Faith's knocks on the door, and shift my weight from one foot to the other.

"Come in," we hear Giles say, and Faith opens the door. She's still holding onto my hand like I'm three and I let her. The sooner we get this shit done, the sooner I can curl up in Faith's arms and fall asleep. "I was beginning to wonder if you two were going to show up at all." I glare at him a little and I'm about to say something but then I feel Faith squeeze my hand. I glace over at her, and she just shakes her head. With a sigh I sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. Faith sits down in the other at the same time and she lets go of my hand. We both say hi and I ask how he's doing. He looks so exhausted and worn down. I really wish he would retire and go live on some sunny beach or something. "I think it would be best to skip the formalities and cut right to the chase." He lays a very thick folder down on the desk and scoots it closer to our side. Faith reaches out and takes it.

"Her name is Brooklyn Andrews she came into her powers a year and a half ago." Which means she's only fourteen. Ok so what is this all about? "I've sent out three of our best interns, but she's managed to elude all of them, as well as the police. According to her file from social services she's been in and out of foster care since the age of nine. Her parents were killed in a car accident, and she has no other family. There are several reports of her running away, often 

leaving town and being found in another state." Ok, so what does that have to do with us? He needs to get to this point soon because I'm ready to just get up and walk out. "She's been missing for the last eight months. The head of the magical department did a tracking spell earlier today and she's still in the city. I need you two to find her and bring her here." Seriously? Giles wants us to give up our night to track down some little run away punk?

"Before you argue," he looks me head in the eyes as he says that. Wow, Giles knows me a little too well. "She isn't just a newly called slayer. She's a very emotionally disturbed girl. She's attacked several of her foster parents, severely injuring two. The women only sustained some bumps and bruises but the men weren't so lucky. She's murdered three people that we know of, all adult men who approached her on the street. I'm not sure if she meant to kill them, or if she simply doesn't have control of her own powers. Since she's never been here we've not been able to test her so there's no way of knowing exactly how the power is affecting her." Meaning she could be just as fucked up as Dana was. I look over at Faith and sigh. She's still reading the file, and she looks a little upset. "Right now she's a danger, and I feel it would be best if you two track her down. You're not only the best slayers to ever be, but your experience dealing with emotional teenagers will be needed when you find her." I hate it when he makes a good point.

"Where should we start looking?" Faith asks and sets the file down on the desk. I don't need to look at it. She's going to be like every other emotionally disturbed girl we've dealt with in the past. She has an abusive background, either physically or sexually, and now she's angry at the world and taking it out on the people around her. If she's living on the street then she might be taking drugs, maybe even prostituting. She wouldn't be the first drug addict or harlot we've saved. It actually feels very good giving those girls a better life. We make sure that they're well taken care of even after they graduate and leave. We help get them a job, and rent them a nice apartment until they can afford it on their own. I get that she's angry and she has every right to be, but killing people? We definitely need to get her off the streets before she hurts someone else, especially if she's targeting men.

MPOV

Sometimes I really hate my moms. Yeah, that's what I said. Sometimes I hate them. They drag me all the way to fucking Ohio for Addy's birthday, and then they tell me I can't go slaying. We're on a Hellmouth and they say I can't go slaying? That's the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever heard. I've been going crazy since we got here and I told my mom I need to go slaying, but all she said was that's it's too dangerous right now and I should just stay inside. And what the hell did they do after they told me it was too dangerous? They went out. If it's too freakin dangerous to go patrolling then why the hell are they going out? I know they're lying. They had a meeting with Grampa Giles and then all of a sudden they wanna go out? Screw that, they're probably out on a mission killin some demon or some shit like that.

I don't care if they said to stay in. I need to go slaying, and I can't stand it anymore. I left about twenty minutes ago. I don't know if I'm that good or if the slayers on guard are that bad, but it wasn't hard at all to sneak passed them. I could've just walked out the front gate and they wouldn't've noticed. Some of these girls are really fuckin dumb. I was talkin to this one chick the other day who didn't even know what a round house kick was. That's when I stopped listening to her. I would've left but she had some pretty nice tits, and her shirt was pretty low, and she didn't care that I kept lookin at 'em. What? Don't look at me like that. I'm a guy, we like lookin at stuff like that, if she wasn't gonna say anything then why I should I stop?

We've been at the slayer school for about a week and a half. It's alright, I guess. I get to spar with some other slayers, but it's too easy. I hold back on them because you're not supposed to hit girls, and they get very mad because they can tell I'm taking it easy on them. I don't want to hit them really hard and break their face though. Especially Sissy's because she's 

hot. She's been sparring with me the most. A lot of the girls are gone so there's not a whole lot of people to train with. Thanksgiving is on Thursday, and that's why we're still here. We were only gonna be here for Addy's birthday but then my moms thought it would be a good idea to spend Thanksgiving with Grampa Giles. He's nice and everything, every time we visit him he gives us money and presents, but we don't really know him all that much. I've only seen him a couple times because he lives at the slayer school and he's too busy to come visit us.

I heard Mom talking to Mama and she said that we're going to be coming here a lot more, like on school breaks and during the summer and stuff. I really don't want to come here all the time but I guess Grampa Giles is sick and she wants to make sure he's doing ok. Mama said he's just getting old so he's not as energetic as he used to be, but Mom is really worried. So I guess we'll be coming back here on the school breaks and during the summer because when Mom is all worried like this Mama will do almost anything to make her feel better. Maybe I can talk them into letting me stay home. I'm thirteen for God sake's. I can stay home by myself for a week or two and not get into trouble. I don't like it here, so why do I have to come? I don't have to stay home alone. I could stay over at Lucas' house. That would be cool.

I want to go home. I wanna spend Thanksgiving with Grampa Chris and Brittany. I don't call her grandma or anything because she's younger then my moms are so it would be really weird. I don't know how someone old like my grampa married someone hot like her, but it happened. It's weird because she's my grandma so I shouldn't think she's hot, but she is. She always wants to hug me whenever she sees me but I try not to. I'm turning into a man so when I'm around hot girls some things……happen that I don't want other people to see or feel. Well, at least not my grandma. That would be fucked up. I tried to hide it when I was with Ashley but then she told me she didn't care. Then one day when we were making out she stuffed her hand down my pants. It freaked me out at first because you don't just grab a guy's dick without some kind of warning. But then she gave me a hand job so I didn't care anymore about her not warning me.

And then she fuckin dumps me. It's all my mom's fault. Ashley came over one day just to hang out. We were up in my room, and even though the door was open we were making out a little because everyone else was downstairs. Then she got up and shut the door and without sayin anything she kneels down in front of me. I didn't say a word because I wanted to see what she was gonna do. She unzipped my pants, and pulled my boxers down a little, and then she started suckin on my dick. I was about to bust a load right in her mouth but then my mom walked in. Ashley got really embarrassed and didn't come over again after that. Then she got all weird. She wouldn't let me kiss her, and she didn't wanna hold my hand, and she did that all the time. And then she fuckin dumps me. She tells me that she doesn't like me the way she used to, and it would be better if we stopped seeing each other.

But whatever. That was like two months ago or something like that. I haven't really been paying attention. Besides, I shouldn't be thinkin about that stuff now. I can feel something up ahead. I have no idea what it is, but it feels powerful. I take in a deep breath and hold it for a second. I can see like a little map inside my head. I can feel the energy of whatever it is, but I can't get a picture. And it feels so fuckin weird. I know what demons feel like, and I know what vampires feel like, and I know what other slayers feel like, but this is different. It's like a slayer, but also like a demon. I don't know what it is, but it's only like two blocks ahead of me. I let my senses reach out even farther and about five blocks ahead is a cemetery. Maybe I should just go there? I can see about five newbie vamps, and it's been awhile since I've slayed. If you think this is the first time then you're wrong. I do it all the time at home when my moms skip patrolling.

Anyway, I should probably just head to a cemetery, take out those vamps, and then go back to the school before anyone knows I'm gone. But I have to find out what this thing is. I've never felt anything like it before and just feeling it is getting my blood pumping a little faster, and I'm breathing a little harder. Alright, keep it together. It's probably just some weird demon doing some spell to try and looks like a slayer. Maybe all the other slayers can't feel it's a demon 

because they're not as powerful as I am? I don't know, and it doesn't matter. I just need to figure out what the fuck this is because not knowing is starting to drive me a little crazy. So I start walking towards it, and the closer I get the more I feel a little……uncomfortable. Kinda like someone's watching me or something. I don't like that feeling. I get a cold shiver down my spine and I put my hands in my jacket pocket. It's fucking cold out tonight, maybe I should've just stayed in bed. Wait a second…I can't feel that thing anymore.

"What the fuck?!" I scream when something tackles me. What the hell? Why didn't I feel that coming? As soon as I hit the ground I roll on my back and kick out with my legs. The thing goes flying back and hits a wall. I have no idea where I am exactly but we're by a bunch of like, office buildings or something and no one else is around. That's a good thing because I don't want anyone else trying to get into this. I jump up to my feet and get in a fighting pose. I take out my stake even though this thing isn't giving off any vamp vibes. You'd be surprised at how many things you can kill with a stake. The thing stands up and my jaw drops when I see what it is. Well, who it is I guess. "You're a slayer?" My eyes roam up and down her body. "What are you like four feet tall?" She's probably the shortest girl I've ever seen who isn't a little kid.

She doesn't answer me. Instead she lunges at me, and punches me in the face. Damn, that actually hurt. She tries to hit me again but I push her back. I can't hit a girl, especially not one this short. She screams this loud, high pitched scream and I think my ears are bleeding. She lunges at me again, only this time she's doing a combo of different punches and kicks. I block all the ones I can, but she still hits me a couple of times in the side of my head. Damn, this chick has definitely been eating her vegetables. I grab both of her arms to stop her from hitting me again, but she knees me in the stomach. I can't believe I'm getting my ass kicked by a girl. I mean, female empowerment and all of that crap is great, but still. All of the wind is knocked out of me, but I don't let go of her arms. I sweep her feet out from under her, and she falls a little. She would be on the ground if I wasn't holding onto her.

"Ow, son of a bitch!" I scream when she uses the fact I'm holing onto her arms against me. She's so short she was able to swing a little, and she kicked me hella hard. Luckily it was only my shin. If this bitch kicked me in the balls I wouldn't be holding back anymore. She keeps trying to kick me, but I start swinging her a little so she can't get her balance, or lock in on a target. This is bullshit and it needs to stop now. She does kick me again, right on my back over my kidney. That's it I'm tired of this bullshit. Her kicking my kidney hurt bad enough that I fall to the ground. I land on top of her, and I'm still holding onto her arms. I pin them to the ground and get my legs on either side of her. I pin her thighs together with my knees and now she can't move. I'm not using all of my slayer strength because I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want her to get free and hit me again.

"Let me go!" she screams, and starts struggling even more. She's like one of those dogs on the Dog Whisperer that he puts on the ground. They buck and they kick and they screech but he never lets them up until they're calm. I'm not sure if that'll work with her or not but I'm not letting go until she either calms down or gets so tired she passes out. I could beat her in a fight if I really wanted to, but I don't want to do that. I really do think if I let her go before she's too tired to fight then she'll try to kill me. There was something about the look in her eyes when she was attacking me that I really don't like. I could just tell that she wanted me dead. Now that she's on the ground and I'm not letting her up she just looks really pissed off. "Let go you son of a bitch! Let me up!" I wanna tell her fuck no, but saying anything will just piss her off even more.

I can tell she's getting tired. Her muscles are so tense and just by the look on her face I know that they hurt. We've been like this, on the ground with her struggling under me for about fifteen minutes. I don't know how much longer it's going to take but I'm starting to get a little sick of it. Why can't she just calm the fuck down? I wasn't going to hurt her. I never tried to hurt her. I blocked all of her attacks and pushed her just the once. Why can't she just stop? I squeeze my legs a little tighter when she starts trying to roll from side to side. She doesn't even look human anymore. The strained look on her face and all of the noises coming from her is making 

her look like an animal or something. She's stronger then any other slayer I've ever been up against. We've only been like this for about twenty minutes now and I'm starting to sweat and my breathing is getting a lot harder.

I look into her eyes and I don't see anger, and I don't see hate. I see fear and a little bit of awe. I guess I'm the strongest person she's ever been up against. I've never seen her before, not at the school or anywhere else. I guess she could be one of those rogue slayers. Grampa Giles is always trying to get Mama to help out with them. She thinks I don't know the password to the internet account but I hacked it. I'm not getting an A- in computer science for nothing. If she is one of those rogue slayers then it's no surprise that she attacked me. Most of the girls live out on the streets and they don't trust people. Maybe she thought I was gonna hurt or something? I don't know, but now that I'm pretty sure she's rogue I'm not holding on as tight. I still got a firm grip, and she can't get lose, but I'm not…being as mean about it.

She stops moving, and her body goes completely limp. It's like she surrendered or I dunno, maybe she trusts me? I mean, I'm not being so rough with her anymore so maybe she knows I'm not gonna hurt her? We're both breathing hard, and she's staring right into my eyes. I've never seen eyes like hers before. There's just so much there. It's like I can see everything she's thinking, but at the same time I have no idea what's going on inside her head. Our faces are only like five inches apart and I can smell her breath. It smells bad, like she hasn't brushed her teeth in a while. She smells a little bit like BO so I guess she hasn't taken a shower in a while either. Our breathing starts to slow down a little bit, and everything is completely quiet. Things are starting to get a little awkward because I'm still on top of her.

"So…" I say and she looks at me like she's expecting me to say more. I have no idea what to do. I've never been attacked by someone like this before and I can just tell that she's not going to do it again. She knows I'm not going to hurt her, and I just know she's not going to hurt me. So now what are we supposed to do? "You like milkshakes? There's an ice cream parlor about three blocks back if you want some." She nods her head a little and I slowly get off of her. I'm only about 89.4 sure she's not going to hurt me, but there's still that 10.6 that she could hurt me. So I need to be on guard. What I wanna know is how the hell she took me down like that without me feeling her. I mean, I felt her and I can feel her now but it's like she disappeared for a few seconds and snuck up on me. Why didn't I hear her?

It doesn't take us long to get to the ice cream shop, and she didn't say a word the entire time. I tried to start a conversation but she's either deaf or she just didn't care. I think I'm gonna go with the second one. When she was yellin at me earlier she didn't sound like a deaf person. I open the door for her like a guy is supposed to and she just stands there. What the hell is her problem? She gets this little suspicious look on her face and I have to force myself not to roll my yes. I take a step back and let go of the door. She catches it before it closes and walks inside. She doesn't trust me, that's pretty obvious. I'm not the one who tried to kill her so she doesn't really have a reason not to trust me. I crack my knuckles 'cause that always calms me down a little bit, and I walk inside.

"So…"I say and look up at the big menu thing. I don't have a lot of money on me. My mom won't raise my allowance for whatever stupid reason. As long as she doesn't want a banana split I should have enough to buy us both something. "What do you want?" I glance over at her and she shrugs. Well at least she's acknowledging that I'm standing next to her. On the walk over she didn't nod or shrug or do anything that let me know she heard what I was saying. "Want me to pick something for you?" She shrugs her shoulders again and I have to force back the sigh. Girls can be so frustrating sometimes. "Why don't you find a place to sit and I'll order?" She nods her head and walks off. Great, I have no idea what she likes. I walk up to the counter and put my ten bucks on top. "Hi, I want one strawberry milkshake, and one chocolate, please." Girls like chocolate right? The lady behind the counter smiles and pushes some buttons on the register.

"Alright. Would you like small, medium, or large?" I tell her medium and she pushes some more buttons. She has this little smirk on her face, and I don't like it. It's like she knows 

something that she wants to say but she's not going to say it. Don't you hate it when people get that look on their face? It drives me crazy. Mama gets it on her face all the time but I learned a long time ago not to ask when she has that look on her face. Anyway, I give her the money and she gives me back my change and receipt. It cost almost seven bucks for two medium milkshakes? These things better prevent cancer or something 'cause no milkshake is work that much. This is bullshit. After the guy in the back is done making them he hands them to the chick and she puts them on the counter in front of me. "Here you go. I hope you and your girlfriend enjoy them." She gives me a little wink and my ears start to burn. Why the hell am I blushing?!

"She's not my girlfriend," I mumble as I take the shakes. I turn around and glance around the room. There are only five other people here, and all of them are either teenagers or bums. I spot the girl sitting in a booth closest to the door, and she's in the seat facing the door. Oh yeah, she's definitely a slayer. At least I think she is. Maybe a slayer demon…thing, I dunno. I don't even have to reach out with my senses. I can feel her from here. I definitely feel both slayer and demon. So what the hell is she? I walk over to the table and sit down across from her. I don't like sitting with my back to the door, no slayers do, but I don't want to sit next to her 'cause that would be weird. I put the chocolate milkshake down in front of her and she looks at it for a few seconds like she doesn't know what the hell it is. "It's chocolate." I don't know what else to say.

"Thanks," she whispers and I just nod. That's the first thing she's said since she attacked me. I don't wanna make a big deal out of it or she might not talk anymore. She takes a little sip through the straw and I can tell by the look on her face that she likes it. I start drinking mine and look out the window. What the hell am I going to do? It's pretty obvious she doesn't have a real home, unless she's just one of those hippy freaks that don't bathe. I can't just leave her here to live on the street, that'd be fucked up, especially if she's a slayer. So how the fuck am I gonna get her back to the slayer school without dragging her there? "What's your name?" Huh? I look over at her but she looks down at the table. Why won't she look me in the eyes?

"Matt," I say and she nods her head a little bit. I just look at her for a few minutes, I mean I really look at her, and she's actually pretty cute. She'd be better looking if she got a shower, but she doesn't look that bad. She takes another sip of her shake, and looks up at me. She looks so nervous, and scared, and I just wanna…I don't know, protect her I guess. Her eyes look so sad, and I want to do something to make that look go away. "What's yours?" She finally looks into my eyes and she doesn't look so afraid anymore. She looks almost…well relaxed definitely isn't the word but she doesn't look as freaked out. She has this little look in her gray eyes and it's like she wants to talk to me but she doesn't really know what to say.

"Brooke," she says and takes another little sip of her shake. I guess she's trying to make it last. She looks down at her shake for a minute and then looks back at me again. She looks a little relaxed now. Her shoulders aren't as tense, and her breathing is a little softer. "What are you?" Huh? I furrow my eyebrows a little bit, and she looks a little nervous now. "You're really strong. Stronger then anyone I've met. How?" That's a fair question, I guess. If someone held me down and I couldn't get up I'd want to know why they're so freakin strong. I take another big gulp of my strawberry shake, and set it aside. This might take a while if she doesn't know about slayers and stuff.

"Do you know why you're so strong?" I ask and she nods her head a little bit. "So you know about slayers and demons and vampires and all of that?" She tenses up again, and this time she shakes her head no. "It's alright. You don't gotta get all…." I take in a deep breath and hold it for a second. Getting mad at her isn't going to help anything. "I know why you're so powerful, but I don't explain it that well. There's this school not far from here for slayers." She looks a little confused again. "For girls like you. There's people there that can explain everything." She looks nervous again, and now she's sipping almost non-stop at her chocolate shake. "I'm not gonna make you go or nothin, but the people there are good. If you don't wanna stay there and go to school they'll give ya a warm meal and a nice place to sleep, at least for 

tonight." Her eyebrows tweak a little bit, and I know she's interested. I look down at my watch and sigh. "I gotta get back before I get in trouble. If you wanna go then lets go."

I take one last big gulp of my strawberry shake, and she does the same. We get up and walk out the door. As soon as the cold air hits us she starts shivering. She's wearing some jeans that have a couple holes in them, some old Converse, and a dark blue sweatshirt but it's old and a little ratty and not good for keeping the cold out. Well this is a dilemma. I should take off my jacket and let her wear it 'cause she's still shivering and we've been walking for like two minutes now, but if I take it off and give it to her then I'll be all cold. I'm only wearing a t-shirt under this jacket. It's really warm and comfortable, and expensive. I remember Mama bitchin about that 'cause Mom went out and bought all of us some really expensive jackets. Mine's black and filled with goose down. It has a big hood with some fuzzy stuff around the edge. I really love this jacket……so she better not trip and get it all dirty and torn up. It's already suffered enough from when she attacked me.

I unzip it and pull it off real quick. I shiver a little as the cold air hits my warm skin. I wrap my jacket around her shoulders and she jumps a little bit. I guess she wasn't expecting that. She looks over at me and I just kinda smile at her. She smiles back and puts the jacket on all the way and zips it up. I wrap my arm around her and pull her close to me. What? Why the hell should she get all the warmth? She doesn't tense up, and she doesn't try to pull away like I thought she was gonna. No, instead she rests her head on my shoulder and I feel her let out a little sigh. Ok, so I guess she's comfortable with me now. I guess that's a good thing, right? Maybe I can get her to stay at the slayer school and she won't have to live on the street anymore. That would be good 'cause everyone needs a place to call home.

BPOV

We've been patrolling for almost five hours now and we haven't found the girl. We've looked where the locator spell said she last was we asked some of the people who live around here if they've seen her and no one has. Then again crack addicted homeless people don't really make the best witnesses. We don't know where else to look, or what else to do. We didn't just look at the place she's been staying at. We also looked in all of the cemeteries in the area, and went to some of the all age night clubs and showed the bouncers her picture. They said they've seen her before but she hasn't been around the last couple of nights. We're at one of the clubs now, and it isn't so bad. The music and people are a little more goth then I'm used to but everyone is just dancing and having fun so I guess it doesn't matter what they look like or what the music sounds like.

"We need to find her, B. She can't just stay out there all night. It's thirty degrees outside and it's probably going to snow by morning," Faith says and takes another swig of her beer. She's had a little black rain cloud over her head since we left the slayer school. I get that this wasn't a normal patrol so I understand why the playful banter wasn't there like it usually is, but she didn't have to be completely silent. When I asked her if she was cold or if she wanted my extra jacket she could have said yes or no. She didn't have to completely ignore me. And I know she heard me. But it's not that big of a deal. I'm not going to let it get to me because that will just start a fight and I really don't want to fight right now. Right now I want to just relax, have a couple of beers, and head back to the slayer school.

"Faith, she's been surviving on the street for eight months. I'm sure she found a warm place to sleep. Maybe she found someone to take her in for the night or maybe she found a different building to sleep in. I'm sure she's fine. She's a slayer, she's tough." I glance over at Faith and she has a sad look on her face. She lifts up her beer bottle and downs half of it in one go. I hate it when she tries to get drunk on purpose. Why can't she just deal with her issues like a normal person? Well, I shouldn't say that. She probably just wants to get out of here. I asked 

her if we could stay and have a couple of drinks and five bucks says she's going to down two of them as fast as possible and say 'ok I had a couple lets go'.

"Slayers can still get really cold, B. Just because it takes more for us to freeze to death it doesn't mean the cold can't hurt." I just know she's talking about her past. Back in Boston her mom could never afford to pay the heating bill so in the winter Faith was always really cold. She told me that once she almost got frost bite, and that's why she can't really stand the cold. Even in the winter here she can be a little…dramatic about it. Personally, I like my nights a little chilly. When the room around you is cold it makes a perfect excuse for snuggling up to Faith under a nice big blanket. But if the house gets a little chilly, and by a little chilly I mean anything under sixty-five degrees she gets all…whiney and complains because the heater is 'broken' when really we don't need it seventy degrees all the time.

"I know baby," I say and wrap my arms around her. We're sitting in a booth which makes this easier. She leans against me and I'm thankful that she's accepting my comfort instead of trying to act all macho. "We looked for a long time tonight. Tomorrow we'll send a small army out looking for her. We'll say its recon only, and to contact us as soon as they spot her, and we'll be there as fast as possible to talk to her and see if we can't get her to come back with us." She nods her head a little bit, and takes another sip of her beer. She isn't chugging it anymore, which is good. I don't want her to get drunk, a little buzzed maybe so she'll be more relaxed, but I really don't wanna have to carry her back to the school or something like that. I've had to carry her before when she got so drunk she couldn't walk, and she played with my boobs the whole walk back. I love her to death but she can be a little…annoying sometimes.

I know what'll make her feel better. I turn a little bit so I'm sitting right next to her, but one arm is wrapped around her lower back. I lean over and kiss the soft skin of her neck, and nuzzle the little spot right behind her ear and breathe in her scent. I very slowly run my other hand up and down her thigh, and lightly drag my nails along the inner seam of her jeans. She takes another long drink of her beer and I can tell she's trying not to let this affect her. But I know her body very well, and I can tell she's getting a little worked up. I take her earlobe in my mouth and start to gently suck on it. I bring my hand up to the crotch of her pants and every time I suck I rub my fingers hard over her pussy. She moans this deep, throaty moan and just the sound of it makes my clit give a little throb.

"Hey baby?" I whisper in her ear and a little shiver goes down her spine. I pull back a little so I can glance around the room. I smile when I find what I was looking for. I lean closer to her so my lips are pressed lightly up against her ear. "Whatta ya say we take this over to that nice, dark little corner where no one is hanging around? I think we could have a lot of fun over there, baby." Her breathing gets a little more labored and I can't help but smile. Even after all these years together we still have enough passion for each other to consider having a quickie in a little dark corner of a nightclub. She pulls back a little, and turns her head so she can look into my eyes. Hers are so dark with desire they're almost completely black. I can't help but shudder a little as a fresh wave of arousal attacks my body.

"You wanna be a naughty girl tonight, huh B?" she asks with a little smirk splashed across her lips. She leans in so close until her lips are lightly grazing my neck. I can feel her warm breath brush again my overheated skin and I arch my neck to give her more room to explore. She picked up on what I was trying to do right away and now she's turned the tables on me, and I have no problem with that whatsoever. "You know just as much as I do how loud you can get, B. You'd have to be really quiet if you want me to fuck you up against that wall." Her words make my pussy clench and my nipples harden. My breath hitches in my throat and she chuckles all throaty and sexy. I love it when she does that. I need to focus though because right now isn't about me it's about her and making her feel better because this mission is really getting to her. Faith feels like she's responsible for all of the rouge slayers out there and nothing I say is going to change that.

"Huh-uh," I say and look into her eyes. She's so turned on now, and seeing her cheeks slightly flushed and that wild look in her eyes is turning me on even more. "That's not how it's going to work tonight, baby." I lean in super close until our lips are slightly touching, but I don't kiss her. I continue to look into her eyes and she raises a challenging eyebrow. "Whenever we go out and we're bad and get into all kinds of mischief…" She likes it when I talk like this. Like we're a couple of kids being sneaky and getting away with something. "…you always get to have the fun. I wanna have fun tonight Faith. I wanna hold you up against that wall and dig my fingers deep inside you until you want to scream. And then if I feel like being really nice I'll let you come on my hand." Her cheeks are darker, she's starting to sweat a little, and her eyes are darker now then I've ever seen them before. Saying she's turned on would be an understatement.

"So why are we still sitting here?" she asks and her eyebrow rises just a little higher. I close my eyes and kiss her. It's a hot, steamy kiss that sends shivers down my spine, and makes my pussy clenched and ooze out more wetness. We pull back from the kiss when oxygen is needed. Faith's lips are swollen, and darker then normal and it looks sexy as hell. I think it's a little insane that we've been together for a little over fifteen years and we're still madly in love with each other. Not only in love with each other, but we're still attracted to each other. Isn't marriage supposed to kill your sexual desire? Well Faith and I are still very active in that department. Maybe not as much as we used to be, but we still know how to get each other's engines revving. I can smell her arousal and it's making my mouth water. I really want to eat her out right now, but doing that is too risky. Having sex in public is fun until you get caught. Then it's embarrassing and it majorly sucks.

"Come on," I say and hold onto her hand. I stand up from my chair and my knees feel a little weak. "I want you now." I gently pull on her arm. She takes one last swig of her drink, and we make our way over to the dark little corner. As soon as we're near it I press her up against the wall. I'm holding onto her hips, and her arms wrap around my sides and her hands are rubbing my shoulder blades, and my mouth attacks hers. At least that's what it feels like. This kiss is primal, and a little violent, but it feels amazing. She's kissing me back with just as much vigor and her tongue lightly rubs against my lips. I open my mouth and pull on her tongue with m teeth. I wrap my lips around it, and suck on her wonder tongue. I start to grind against her at the same rhythm of the sucking. She starts whimpering, and her nails dig into my back. I had every intention of teasing her until she asked for it but at this point I'd just be cruel to myself.

"You have to be quiet, baby," I whisper into her ear as I slowly drag my hand down her stomach. She's still whimpering and it's one of the sexiest things I've ever heard. But she can't get too loud or else we'll get caught. I highly doubt any of the men are going to break us up but some of the waitresses will probably get all offended and grossed out. I don't really blame them, but that's not the point. The point is Faith needs to be quiet or some of those waitresses could come over here and tell us to leave. "You have to be quiet, baby, or I'll stop." She nods her head a little, and almost instantly her mouth is attached to my neck. She's going to leave a hickie, and right now I really don't care. I stop grinding against her long enough to get her pants unbuttoned and unzipped. I really wish I could've pulled the zipper down with my teeth. She loves it when I do that.

As soon as her pants are undone I slip my right hand inside. There's so much heat confined in this denim I think I'm going to be burned. I play with the curls on her mound for a few seconds. I can feel her hips moving around, trying to seek out my fingers to give her some sweet release. I don't make her wait very long. I dip my fingers lower until I feel all of the liquid heat there just waiting for me. I really want to eat her out right now. I really, really, really do. I gasp a little when I feel just how wet she is. If she wasn't wearing any clothes her wetness would be dripping down her thighs. I don't think I've ever felt her this……oh, what's a good word? Scorching, yeah that's a good word. I don't think I've ever felt her this scorching before.

My fingers touch her clit and she moans a very long, throaty moan that sends a pulse of arousal right to my crotch. I hope I'm able to walk after this or Faith is gonna have to carry me back to the school, and her legs will probably be wobbly for a while. But then again Weebles wobble but they don't fall down. Hahahahahahahahaha. I crack myself up. Anyway, I start rubbing her clit between my middle and ring fingers. She moans again and her heads tilts again and leans against the wall. I duck my head down and start very slowly sucking on her neck while I slowly rub her. She's making these sweet little cooing sounds and clawing at my back. I know she needs more, there's no way she can get off with me just touching her like this. So I move my middle finger and gently caress her clit.

"Oh fuckin God," she says and I put my mouth over hers. Maybe this will help her be quiet. She kisses me very sloppily as she clings to me and grinds against my hand. I can feel her clit throbbing and that feeling is sending little shockwaves up my arm and down my spine. It's been a while since we've had sex and tonight I'm definitely going to need some. Especially after having her like this. I suck on her bottom lip, and I can feel her heavy breathing. She's breathing out of her nose and she sounds like a bull or something. I let go of her lip and rest my forehead against hers. She's making the softest little whimpering sound and I can't help but smile a little bit. I can't move my hand any faster then this without ripping her jeans and that would be of the bad even though I'm sure she wouldn't care at the moment. I bring my lips to her ear and give the lobe a little tug.

"You like that, huh baby?" I ask and my lips brush against the shell of her ear. "You like my fingers fucking your wet cunt?" She lets out a strangled moan, and her hips jerk extra hard. So I guess she likes the spicy talk. That's good to know. "How wet are you, baby? How much honey is dripping out of that sweet hive of yours?" I'm not sure what I'm saying at this point. My mind is so cloudy from just needing her, and hearing her, and feeling her, and loving her but I guess it doesn't matter what I say because my words are spurring her on, and bringing her closer to the edge. "You're such a bad, dirty little girl, aren't you? Letting me fuck you out here where everyone could see us. You're such a little slut. But you're my little slut. You're mine." I feel her nod her head, and I leave a kiss on the shell of her ear. I start rubbing her clit even harder and her whole body shivers.

"You're getting so fucking close baby," I whisper in her ear and tug on her earlobe again. I start rubbing her harder and she's starting to moan a little louder. I put my mouth over hers again because I really don't want to get caught. She's so damn close and if we have to stop now then she'll be in a horrible mood for the rest of the night. I feel her body start to stiffen and I can't help but smile. "That's it nasty girl, come for me." Her eyes roll back, and her head leans against the wall again, and she starts laughing. Not a full on belly laugh but she's giggling like crazy. I can't help but smile at her and shake my head. She's such a lunatic sometimes. But she's my lunatic and I wouldn't have her any other way.

FPOV

I feel Buffy shiver a little and I tighten my grip on her. We left that club about half an hour ago but we had no idea how to get back to the slayer school. We probably shoulda brought a local with us. Shoulda, woulda, coulda but we didn't. So I called the school and talked to Giles. He sent one of the slayers to pick us up. We waited outside in the freezing cold for our ride to show up, and I'm not just being dramatic. We were only outside for like ten minutes and by the time Nicole showed up me and Buffy were shivering and turning blue. Now we're cuddled up in the back seat of the car. Even if it wasn't' freezing balls in here we'd still be all cuddled up to each other. Every time we have sex we always get very touchy feely afterwards. Even if it's just a quick fuck in a club while Heart Shaped Glasses is playing I always feel very emotionally connected to her, and she feels the same with me.

She turns a little so she's looking into my eyes and she has a little smile on her face. I can't help but smile too at the look in her eyes. It's the look she gets whenever we have sex in public. It's a look that says 'oh my God, I can't believe we just did that!' in a slightly embarrassed tone. I know all of her looks and this is one of my favorites. I give her a little peck on the lips, and she smirks. I don't know why she's smirking but it's damn cute. She leaves a little kiss on my chin, and then slowly kisses her way down my jaw line until she's right were my jaw meets my neck. Her kisses are very light and it makes me giggle a little bit. I've been giggling like an idiot since I came. It happens sometimes. You can't always control what you do when you orgasm and sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, I've done it all. I'm pretty much a psycho but not the bad kind.

"You still cold baby?" I ask when she stops kissing me and shivers again. She nods her head yes, and I tighten my grip on her a little more. I glance up to the front seat and Nicole's eyes are focused on the road, and she looks completely relaxed. She totally isn't paying attention to us, which is good. I turn my head some more so that my lips are touching her ear. "How 'bout I warm you up?" I kiss my way down her jaw line until I reach the corner of her mouth. If she wants me to do this then she's gotta reciprocate to let me know. I smile a little bit when she closes that gap and kisses me on the lips. I gently caress her stomach under her shirt and lighten up the kisses a little bit. I don't want to get B off. I just want to get her warmed up so when we get back to the room she'll be ready. I don't spend too munch time rubbing her stomach. I glide my hand up her body and slide it under her bra, and start teasing her tit just the way she likes it.

"Somebody's an eager beaver," she says with a smile and I chuckle. She cracks me up, there's no doubt about that. We start kissing again, and her nipple hardens under my gentle touch. I really wish I could take her coat and shirt off and give it some proper attention but I don't think she'd go for that with Nicole only a couple feet away from us and everything. She kisses me deeply and I can't help but respond. It feels so good being able to just relax and make out with her like this. Coming here for Addy's birthday was definitely a good idea. After all that tense shit that happened back at home it's nice to just get away and be ourselves and forget about our problems for a little while. B's still upset that I didn't trust her, and that I took Mattie's word over hers. I apologized and kept my mouth shut about most of the shit I was feeling. If she had slept with Xander I don't think I'd be able to look at her the same way ever again.

Some of you might be wonderin 'what about that redhead bitch she slept with back in Redding?' Well you gotta good point. She did fuck some bimbo and in my fuckin house no less, but there's a huge difference. She slept with that chick 'cause of a physical need. God knows we hadn't had sex in a very long time, and we'd be broken up for a couple months before she went out and found herself a hussy to bring home for a night. Just the thought of it still pisses me off. I don't like the thought of my wife fucking anyone but me, but we gotta face the facts. With that bimbo it was meaningless rebound sex, and yeah I was pissed off and even after we got back together it took me a while to get over it, but I got over it. But sleeping with Xander is a whole different thing.

After the fall of SunnyD and we all settled up north we got really close, and Xander was one of my best friends. And one thing you're not supposed to do is fuck your best friend's ex. And one thing you're not supposed to do is fuck your ex's best friend. There was so much history between if they had slept together it would've been more then just a one night stand. Xander is still kinda in love with her and he would've been all……emotionally involved, I guess is a good way to put it. And he would've been cheating on Katie, which is just another reason to be pissed off about it. I was never that close to Katie, but I always liked her. No one deserves that kinda hurt. But whatever. I'm over the whole being weird with her because I thought she had sex with Xan-man. She's good with me again too or she wouldn't have fucked me in that club. And let me be the first to say that it was fucking hot. I love it when she talks dirty like that.

"Uh, guys?" I hear Nicole say I take my tongue outta B's mouth and back into my own. I look up at our driver and she looks a little embarrassed. "We're here." I look out the window and yet, we're back in the garage of the slayer school. I wonder how long we've been parked. I look over at B and she has a huge blush on her face now. I guess we got a little carried away. By the smell in the air I'd say we're both really fuckin turned on. I know I am, and I've already had some release. B hasn't had any at all. I'm surprised she isn't going crazy. We all get out of the car and all three of us shiver a little. Fuck, it's cold in here. I'm gonna have to talk to Giles about getting some type of heating in the garage. Not because I don't like the cold but because all this cold isn't good for the car batteries.

I put my arm over Buffy's shoulders and we make our way back to our guest house. She wraps her arm around my lower back and gets as close to me as possible. She lived her whole life in Southern California so she's not used to this kinda cold. Her mom had to turn on the air conditioning on Christmas Eve 'cause the fire they had goin in the fireplace made the house too hot. I thought that shit was pretty funny. B doesn't know what it really means to be cold. Sure she had that whole inner frozen thing going on when she was fuckin Spike, but she doesn't know what it's like to live in a house with no heating and it bein ten degrees outside and you think you're gonna lose your toes to frostbite. And if I get my way she'll never know what it's like, and neither will my kids.

"Having deep thoughts?" B asks when stop in front of the door. I look over at her with a shy smile on my face. I don't like it when I get so caught up in my own head that I forget other people are with me, especially when I'm with Buffy. I don't want her to think I'm ignoring her on purpose. "It's ok sweetheart. We have a lot of stuff going on right now. It's ok to get lost in your thoughts." She's so damn good to me, you have no idea. "I wanna do something……different tonight." She gets a little smirk on her face and a gleam in her eyes. I know what that means, she wants to be naughty. She got that same look on her face in the club before she dragged me over to that corner. Before I can ask what she wants to do she kisses me and wraps her slender arms around. I get caught up in the feeling of her for what feels like hours, but then she pulls back, and looks into my eyes.

"I know you brought the toy," she says and that little gleam just keeps on shining. I smile and nod my head. I take that with us whenever we travel jus in case we wanna use it. "And tonight I wanna do the spell." That's nothing new. We do that all the time. Red came up with this spell to make the strap on feel real and it's fucking awesome. Getting to feel Buffy's pussy wrapped around me all hot and spongy……I'll never be able to really describe what it's like, and I feel like I should kiss Red as a thank you for teaching Buffy that spell. Well, how to make the potion. What you gotta do is put on whatever is you're gonna use, and then swallow down this nasty potion and two minutes later it feels like you got real cock. "But tonight I think I wanna be the one wearing it." Holy shit. I think all of my blood is now in my pussy, mostly my clit, and I feel like I'm gonna come just standing here.

"Well you know what they say, B. Thinkers think and doers do. I think we need to turn you into a doer." She smiles and I wink at her. "In more ways then one." That gets a little chuckle and an eye roll. Sweet. I love making her do that. I pull my keys out of my pocket and unlock the door. I open it up and wrap my arms around Buffy's waist. I lift her up and she starts laughing. She thinks it's funny how impatient I can be when it comes to sex. I set her down on the floor and close the door with my foot. I toss the key onto the little end table and pick her up again. I tickle her a little bit just for the hell of it, and she starts laughing and squirmin around. I stop though when I hear something. She hears it too and stops laughing. Great, the TV is on, which means one of the kids is up. I set her down and we walk into the living room. As soon as we see who's on the couch B gives out a big sigh.

"Why does he have to take after you?" she asks and she sounds amused and irritated at the same time. I chuckle and give her a little kiss on the neck. She's irritated because we see the back of Mattie's head. He's sitting on the couch watching TV. Nothing wrong with that, except it's a little too late. Nah, what she's irritated about is the fact that someone is resting their head on his shoulder, and it looks like he has his arm wrapped around her. My son's a player. There is no doubt about that. The kid isn't even fifteen yet and he's already seen more action then most boys his age. At least I think he's had more then normal, unless it's normal for thirteen year olds to get head. "You think you can handle this? I'm starting to feel very……frustrated." Awww, poor baby. She really needs to get some release before she fucking explodes, and not in a good way.

"Yeah, B, I got this." I give her another little kiss on the neck and then one on the cheek and she sighs. "Why don't you get started without me and after I send her back to her dorm I'll help you finish?" I top that off with a little nibble on her neck and she sucks in a deep breath. She looks into my eyes and just shakes her head a little bit. She's got this cute little smirk on her face so she's probably gonna do as I suggested. She leaves a little peck on my lips and walks off to the bedroom. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. Why haven't they moved yet? Me and B weren't exactly quiet when we walked in the door and with Mattie's advanced hearing and slayer senses he shoulda known we were comin. I walk around to the other side of the couch and I can't help but smile. Both of them are sleeping. The girl is wrapped up around Mattie's side with his arm around her shoulders. I know I should be irritated but that's just too fuckin adorable.

"Matt," I say and push at his leg with my foot. He moves a little bit and my smile gets bigger. What he did was put his other hand on the girl's thigh and pull her a little closer. Well, it looks like my boy found another girl to love. It's almost sad we're gonna be headed home after Thanksgiving. His poor little heart has been broken once, and I'd hate to see him all depressed and moody again. Mostly 'cause it was fuckin annoying. I turn the light on and shut the TV off and both of them start to stir a little. That's better. "Alright guys, nap time's over, it's time to wake up." They grumble a little bit and Mattie opens his eyes. He looks over at the girl next to him and then up at me. He looks a little confused, but then his eyes get all wide. Yep, now he knows he's in trouble. He takes his arm off the girl's shoulders and she grumbles some more.

"It's not what it looks like," he says and his voice sounds all gravely from sleep. I chuckle a little bit and shake my head. Of course it is what it looks like. He invited a girl over while we were gone, and knowin my kid she probably has a couple hickies on her neck. I smile a little when I remember the hickie I left on B's neck. She's right our boy does take after me. "Mama, you don't get it. It's really not what it looks like." I sigh and cross my arms over my chest and raise my eyebrow a little bit. I'm not one of those bullheaded parents who never believe their kid. I'll let him say his peace and then decide if he's telling the truth or not. He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. Ok so he doesn't think this is a big deal but he knows I'm gonna yell at him for something. "After you guys left I went patrolling." My whole body tenses up and I hold my breath. Oh man I am gonna kick his ass later. "And I found her." He found her?

"Ok so I didn't find her, she attacked me, but I held her down and when she knew she couldn't get up she stopped trying to kick my ass." I sigh, close my eyes, and pinch the bridge of my nose. So Mattie went patrolling and some girl tried to kick his ass so he brought her back here? "She wouldn't tell me, but I don't think she has a place to live." What? I look open my eyes and look over at the girl again and this time I really look at her. No….it can't be. I pull a picture out of my jacket pocket and glance back and forth between her and the picture. Oh fuck me. I sigh a very deep sigh and put the picture back in my pocket. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure this is Brooklyn Andrews. I'm surprised she hasn't woken up yet.

"Why don't you go to bed, and I'll get her situated," I say and he knows I'm not asking. He tries to stand up but Brooklyn wraps her arms around him and snuggles closer to him. Wow, she really doesn't want to let him go. I sit down next to her on the couch and rub her back a little. "Brooklyn, it's time to wake up." She grumbles again and burrows her face in Mattie's neck. He's starting to look really uncomfortable. "Come on, Brooklyn, wake up." I shake her a little bit and that does the trick. She lifts her head up and her eyes flutter open. "Hey sleepy head." She looks over at me and at first she's relaxed, a little confused maybe but fine. Then all of a sudden she panics. Her eyes get all big and she jumps up off the couch. She backs up and she's in a defensive fighting stance. Mattie stands up and he looks like he's trying to talk down a wild animal but I don't move.

"It's ok, Brooke," Mattie says and I just watch. If I stand up and try to reason with her now I'll just freak her out every more. I've dealt with kids like this before. You just gotta let 'em calm down before you start talking, and especially before you try to touch 'em. If I tried to touch her right now she'd freak six ways from Sunday so I better just back off and let Mattie deal since she trusts him. You don't curl up on a couch with a guy and fall asleep against him if you don't trust him. I look over at Mattie and his eyes are focused on the girl. I've never seen him like this before. I don't even know how to describe it. "She's just my mom. Don't freak out, it's ok." Brooke looks over at him and they just kinda stare at each other for a minute or so. Then she lowers her arms to her sides. She glances over at me but only for a second before her eyes move back to Mattie. That's weird. When she looks at me her shoulders tense but when she looks at Mattie they relax.

"Why don't we all just chill out?" I ask and lean more against the couch. I check out the girl's clothes and can't help but notice that her hair looks like she dipped it in week old cooking oil. She hasn't had a shower in a while, that's obvious from the smell. I don't wanna be mean or offensive but I don't know if there's a nice way to put this. "You can get a shower if you want. I'm sure some of my wife's clothes will fit you, and I can wash those." She looks over at me and she tenses up again but not as much as before. She doesn't say anything, but she nods her head a little. Well, that's progress at least. "The towels are under the bathroom sink. I'll go get you some clothes." I stand up and start to leave the room but then I stop and look at her. She's a little closer to Mattie then she was when I was sitting down. "There's a fresh razor in the shower so feel free to use it. Matt, why don't you show her where the bathroom is while I get the clothes?"

As soon as I start walking again I hear her whispering to him. I can't hear what she's saying but by how fast she's talking and the tone of her voice I'd guess it's not good. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do now that she's here. I really didn't expect to find her this way. Should I call Giles and tell him she's here? The girl's killed before and she's clearly unstable and who knows what could happen if she has a freak out, and I have no idea what the fuck could set her off. I hate to admit it, but I could use some help. She trust Mattie, she's talking to him, and she listened when he told her it was ok, and she didn't have to worry. Maybe I should let him stay up while I talk to her, maybe that will make things easier? Alright Faith, let's focus on one thing at a time. She's going to get a shower and clean herself up and you're going to get her some of Buffy's clothes.

Oh crap. Buffy's expecting me to go in there and have sex with her. Damn, she's going to be frustrated. And she's gonna be pissed as hell when she finds out Mattie when patrolling on his own after we told him to stay inside. We figured since this girl was attacking men he would do more harm then good. We've been testing the kids a little since we've been here, and Mattie's senses are off the fucking charts. If this girl hadn't been so dangerous we woulda taken him with us to be our bloodhound. But I guess it was better that we didn't 'cause here she is and he's the one that found her. Well, the way he talked it up it sounded like she tried to kill him. I know he's down playin it 'cause whenever he lies he holds his breath a little like he's trying to anticipate how I'm gonna react to whatever he's saying. But Mattie's strong, he's stronger then all the slayers he's been up against including me and B so I'm not worried about him being alone with her now.

"Hey baby," I hear Buffy say after I walk in our room and shut the door behind me. "What took you so long?" I look over at the bed and she's lying there in nothing but her white, lace babydoll and she lit a couple candles which is making her look even sexier. I love it when she wears the white, lace babydoll. It makes her look all innocent, and sweet. She wears it when she feels like getting very naughty. Like she wants to be all deceiving. Ya know, like she wants to look all sweet and nice but then be really bad. I guess she was totally serious when she said she wanted to wear the strap on tonight 'cause the box it's in is sitting on the end table next to her side of the bed, and the little bottle of potion is next to the box. Damn, damn, damn. Why can't I just ignore everything else and be with her tonight? 'Cause I have a fourteen-year-old murderer showering in my bathroom. I hate it when shit like this happens.

"I'm sorry babe, but we're gonna have to make a rain check on this. Mattie went patrolling while we were gone and you'll never guess who attacked him," I say and chuckle a little. Her eyebrows furrow a little and she looks all pissed off. I wait for her to make the connection. And in five……four……three……two……one……bingo! Her eyes widen and she looks all freaked out and worried. She jumps off the bed pretty fast and I think she just got whiplash. "Don't worry, B, he's fine. She tried to hurt him, but he's stronger then her. And I don't know what the fuck happened out there for sure, but she trusts him. They fell asleep together on the couch, and she won't talk to me but she was whisperin to him when I was walking in here. She's takin a shower and I'm gonna let her wear some of your clothes. Girl hasn't had a shower or fresh clothes in a while. You think you can make her something to eat while I figure out what the fuck to do?"

"Faith we need to call Giles and tell him we found her," she says and slips into her cotton robe. I love that thing, it's so damn comfortable. I have one just like it, but mine's red and it isn't as soft as hers. I don't know why, that's just the way it is. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her. She's been extra clingy all night. I don't mind giving her this extra attention if it's what she needs. I love her more then I did when I first fell in love with her. More then I thought I'd ever be able to love her. Sometimes she drives me a little crazy, but she's my girl. She rests her head on my shoulder and hugs me back. I give her a little kiss on the lips. Nothing sexy or romantic, just a little contact so she knows I'm here for her. After I pull back from the kiss I look into her eyes and give her a little kiss on the nose. It makes her smile which is why I did it.

"I know we need to call Giles, but I don't wanna do it right away. He'll drag her off and start running tests and lock her up in one of those rooms. I don't know why, but she trusts Mattie, and when she was about to freak out and maybe run away from me he calmed her down. You didn't read her file, B, you don't know how fucked up she really is. If she's finally found someone she can trust I think we should let her be with him for a while before the goon squad comes and takes her away." The protocol on rogue slayers is they're immediately taken to the infirmary to be checked out. Then they get to shower while two other slayers watch to make sure they don't try to run away. They get clean clothes, and a tooth brush, and then they're taken to a room with a bed and a sink and a toilet and locked in for the night. In the morning the psychologist come in and try to figure out exactly how dangerous the girl is.

"Ok sweetheart, we can do that," B says and gives me a little kiss on the lips. She knows how much I hate the protocol. We might as well be locking the girls up in a jail cell. I've talked to Giles about it before, yelled at him a couple of times, but he won't change it. He said that he doesn't really like it either but it's for everyone's safety. I guess he's gotta point, but I still don't like it. Buffy starts rubbing my back and I hum a little bit to let her know that's just what I need right now. "It's way passed late. Maybe we should just let her sleep on the couch for the night, and we can talk to Giles in the morning." I smile and give her a little kiss on the lips. What can I say? My girl knows me well. She knows I want some time to think about this because I know exactly what else needs to be done.

Giles is going to have to call the cops. This girl is in foster care and if he gets caught keeping her here without the state's permission the school could be shut down and all of these girls will go back to their parents or be put in foster care. He's dealt with the system before and most of the judges like him because he takes girls who are treated like garbage, and gives them a nice place to live, and a good education, and even after they graduate he gives them options. He'd never just kick a girl out onto the street, and if he couldn't find a place for her to go then they can always come to Lincoln. They could crash on our couch for a little while until we can figure out what to do. But some of the kids that come here who are in the foster system already have to stay there. For whatever reason the judge thinks living in a house that looks like a crack den would be better. So I just need to figure out what to do with her and then I'll call Giles.


	82. Magic And Pregnancy Are Unmixy Things

**A/N:** _Here it is boys and girls, the newest chapter of So Damn Domestic. Thank you for being so patient, and not throwing rocks at me for being so lazy. This one is going out to my niece for being the inspiration for this little bit of insanity. For those of you who have never been around little kids, they're completely insane. The next chapter is already in the process of being written, as well as a new chapter of Know Who I Am. No, I haven't forgotten about these stories, things have just been a little crazy around here lately. I guess that's all for now. Enjoy your update, I'll have the next one posted as soon as it's finished.

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**One Week Later.** WPOV

The next time Buffy and Faith come to me asking for a spell to give them the power to create another life, I'm going to slam the door in their faces. Ok, maybe I won't be that aggressive about it, but I will decline very loudly, and send them home. And I won't even offer them anything to drink while we're having the conversation. They got back from Cleveland the other day, but Matt stayed because of some girl, or something. Buffy wasn't very descriptive……remind me to bug her for details later. Anyways, he stayed and both of them have things they need to do today so I offered to stay home from work and watch the kids. Normally I wouldn't need to stay but Sky hasn't been feeling very well because of the pregnancy so it was Aunt Willow to the rescue. Normally her kids are like angels, but there must be something in the water because they are being little demons.

"Addison, put that down this instant." Oh great, I sound like one of those stereotypical parents. What's next, am I going to send her to her room without dinner? Ok, I need to worry about that later. This is the third time Addison has gotten a hold of my Meskhenet statue. Normally I don't mind if the kids play with my statues because most of them are just for decoration, and to be honest, they are pretty ugly, but a relationship is all about compromise. I just don't understand why some people in this house have to compromise more then others. But the Meskhenet one does have mystical properties that we used when we were trying to get pregnant. Oh, and the next time I want to do a spell that gives me and Sky the power to create a life, smack us on the back of ours heads with a frying pan, like in one of those Bugs Bunny cartoons. Things have been just so out of control lately, and I don't think I can handle this.

Sky's completely erratic mood swings where I'm always blamed for something even if it wasn't my fault? Those I can handle. Getting up at three in the morning and driving out to the specialty store in Vegas to buy an organic honeydew melon? That I can handle. But I don't think I can take much more of what's been happening lately. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that Sky's a witch, and her magic coupled with raging hormones and fear don't normally mix very well. For the last two weeks she's been having Braxton Hicks, and she's been on edge. The first night she had the false labor contractions, we rushed to the hospital and she had a break down in the car. A baby born this early would be premature, and would have to stay at the hospital in an incubator, and could have all kinds of developmental problems. I'll love my baby no matter what, but every parent wants their son or daughter to be healthy and normal.

I'm totally freaked out too, but I can't let her see that. I mean, in a matter of two weeks everything that was good has gone kablooey and I don't know how to handle it. Everything used to be easier, but now it's like getting through one day is a struggle, and it's exhausting for both of us. Every time she has a contraction, her magic goes all wonky and something either gets incinerated, or transfigured, or sent to another dimension and I have to put it back the way it was. It's draining not only physically but emotionally because I'm trying to comfort her and hide the fact that I'm just as afraid as she is. She needs me to be strong, but I feel like I'm about ready to crack into a thousand little pieces and scatter across the floor. Being the equivalent of broken glass isn't going to help anything so I need to figure out how to be stronger. For my fiancée, and for my daughter.

That's right ladies and gentlemen I just said daughter. We found out three days ago at the doctor's appointment. They have this new ultrasound machine that shows a three-dimensional image of the baby. She has Sky's nose, and my lips but other then that it's hard to tell who she looks like the most. I couldn't stop myself from crying a little bit, but I wasn't like, trying to keep it under control or anything. Little Savannah or Makenzie, we haven't decided on a name yet, started squirming around like she was trying to burrow her way out of Sky's belly. Our little girl isn't shy about letting us know when she doesn't like something, and the doctor pressing down on Sky's abdomen was something she definitely didn't like. She also doesn't like it when Sky eats spicy food but she's been craving that a lot lately, which means more food runs for me. I don't mind doing it, really, it just gets a little annoying how she only seems to crave these things when I finally find time to sit and relax.

It's safe to say the little Mexican restaurant that just opened up a few blocks from here won't be going out of business any time soon. Sky is having a love affair with their chicken enchiladas with extra green sauce, and their hottest salsa poured on top. She eats about two of those a day with a side order of their spiciest nachos. I know it's probably not all that healthy for the baby, but you try denying a pregnant woman the food she's craving. One night I told her it was probably best if she went a couple days without eating that stuff and she almost magiced my head right off. I like my head where it is, thank you very much. She hasn't been eating as much lately, though, because of all the stress. She hasn't had much of an appetite, but she does eat a little at every meal. She knows she needs to eat, even if she doesn't want to, and I've been trying really hard not to bug her about it because that will just make the situation worst.

"Addison, don't you dare throw that!" I yell and cringe a little. I didn't mean to yell like that. I don't want to be the type of person who starts yelling whenever the kids get a little out of control. If I can't handle Addison and Joey for one afternoon, how the hell am I going to handle little Susan or Natalie when she's three and it's four in the morning and she has double ear infections and is screaming her head off all night long? I've changed my mind, I don't want to be a mom. I'll just breed tiny dogs and treat them like babies and sell the puppies online for way more then they're worth. Addison ignores me and the statue of Meskhenet goes flying through the air. I reach my hand out and grab it telekinetically and I sigh in relief. Not only does this statue have mystical properties but it cost me a lot of money. Out of the corner of my eye I see little Joseph. "Joey, no!" I step towards him and reach out to pick him up, and the statue goes crashing to the ground. It shatters into about fifty little pieces and Addison runs from the room as fast as she can.

"Joey, you're not supposed to play in the garbage. It's yucky, and dirty, and you could get sick," I make a grossed out face and shake my head a little bit. He laughs and holds his arms out to me. This little boy is one of the sweetest most affectionate little guys I've ever seen. Buffy and Faith really lucked out with him. Now if he would just get it out of his mind that he's not a dog and even if he plays in the garbage and tries to dig holes and pretends to chew on my shoes it won't make him a dog, he'd be a perfect little kid. I pick him up under his armpits and rest him on my hip. He looks me in the eyes and the look on his face is very serious and so cute it's making me want to smile. I won't though because he'll just get upset and get mad that I'm not taking him serious.

"But Aunt Widdow I'mma puppy. See?" he says and barks a couple of times. I can't help but laugh and he smiles a big ol' cheeky smile. He's just so cute, it's impossible not to love him. Especially with those little dimples. All he has to do is smile at me and I give in to almost whatever he wants. I do have limits on what I'll let him get away with but he loves to push the boundaries. According to all the parenting books I've read, it's normal for a kid his age to test what he can and can't get away with.

"And you're a cute little puppy too, Joey. But puppy-dogs aren't allowed to play in the garbage either, ok?" I say and he nods his head a little. He looks a little sad now. I give him a little kiss on the forehead and put him down. "Why don't you go pick out a movie and I'll pop some popcorn?" He doesn't say anything, but he squeals and runs into the living room. He can be a little odd sometimes. Ok, now to deal with Addison. I turn around and take a look at the mess on the floor. I really don't want to clean that up. I know this is breaking the rules a little bit, but I really love that statue. I walk over to where most of the broken pieces are lying and place my hands above them. I channel my energy until I feel my fingertips tingle and they get really warm. "Planto navus." My palms grow warm and all the little pieces come together and the statue is good as new.

"That's better," I say under my breath and pick the statue up. I walk into the living room and put it at the top of the roll top desk. Maybe she won't try to steal it up there. "So what movie did you pick out?" After I watched the kids for the first time I realized how boring and adult like my house is so I went out the next day a bought some stuff for the kids. Ya know, movies, books, toys, board games. Although they were a little impatient when I wanted to read the rule book before playing, and Addison cheats at checkers and expects to get away with it. Unless you've been kinged you cannot go backwards, that's the rule. Then Sky reminded me that I was playing a five-year-old, and me getting that upset was…ya know…insane. He turns around and holds out the movie in his chubby little hands. "Oliver and Company? Very nice choice." We watched that the last time they were over. "How about we watch The Lion King, does that sound good?"

"No," he says and opens up the DVD case. Well, I guess that's the end of that discussion. Hmmm…wasn't I supposed to be doing something?................Right, Addison needs a time out for breaking the Meskhenet statue. And where is that little non-blood related niece of mine? Normally when she gets in trouble, she runs to Sky because she knows she'll be babied. I head upstairs because Sky is supposed to be lying down. The doctor said for her to stay off her feet as much as possible because the Braxton Hicks are so painful, but Sky can be very……what's a nice way to put this?……willful, and hasn't been listening to the doctor's orders. I didn't want her getting stressed out from the kids, so I used my resolve face and she reluctantly headed up to bed. After I get the movie started, I go upstairs and very slowly open the bedroom door. What I see makes me smile, and I almost don't want to ruin it, but she broke my favorite statue and she needs to learn to listen to me.

"That feels so weird," Addison says and pulls her hand away from Sky's stomach. I guess the baby is moving around again. Sky says little Bailey or Diane gets very active in the afternoon. Since I'm normally at work in the afternoons, I never get to feel the baby move around that much. She gets a little active when Sky's around food, but not enough for me to feel. I know I should move from the doorway and inform Addison that she's in trouble. I should march in there and put her in time out for what she did. But seeing that happy look on Sky's face, and seeing Addison being so gentle instead of a little maniac, I think I'll let it slide for now. But trust me if she touches it again, I don't care how cute this little scene is, she's getting put in a corner until Faith picks them up.

"Hey," I say quietly and both of them look over at me. Addison looks a little nervous. She knows what she did, so I don't think we need go over it again. I walk into the room and sit down on the edge of the bed. "How are my two favorite girls?" I give her a little smile and she relaxes and cuddles a little closer to Sky. Sure, she cuddles up to Sky because Sky is the one who always gives her extra ice cream, and let's her jump on the couch, and color in the non-coloring books, but who am I? Only the woman who just let her off the hook, that's who. "You feeling ok, baby?" I reach over and rub Sky's belly and she smiles a little. It's one of her shy smiles that I love so much. I asked if she was ok because she looks a little flushed, and her smile just let me know why. The pregnancy hormones have her aroused almost constantly. We haven't had sex since the contractions started, but I think she might be relaxed enough tonight.

"I'm fine, sweetie," she says and puts her hand over mine. When she first got her bump I thought she would be self conscious about it and complain about gaining weight, but she hasn't done any of that. She loves it when I pay extra attention to her stomach, and I have no complaints about it. One of my favorite things to do before I go to bed is read to little Tricia or Elaine. The parenting books say that the hearing has developed enough that she can hear me. She even reacts to my voice, sometimes. "Little Josephine was just showing off for her Auntie Addy, and it's a little too much right now," she says and looks over at Addison. She's only seven, so she has no way of knowing why Sky is really all flushed, and a little sweaty, and her lips are a little swollen and very kissable right now. I need to redirect my attention to something else before I get turned on too.

"Josephine?" Addison asks and she has a weird look on her face. It looks like the word left a bad taste in her mouth and I chuckle a little. "That sounds dumb." Oh yeah, she's a little Faith alright. She looks more like Buffy but the attitude is all Faith. Goddess help us when she becomes a teenager.

"That's not a nice thing to say," I tell her and she rolls her eyes. Oh yeah, I'm never helping Buffy and Faith make another baby. Then again, they had two on their own, so I guess my magical assistance isn't needed. Well, technically I did help them make Joey. They snuck up on me while I was casting a spell to make an inanimate object the real thing. I turned a little toy bunny into a real bunny, but Buffy and Faith walked up behind me while I was casting the spell and it was a little stronger then intended, and Faith was hit with the blast, and the……equipment she was wearing was turned into the real deal, and well, you know the rest.

"But it is dumb. It sounds too much like Joseph," she says with a lot of attitude. It's almost like she isn't happy unless she gets the last word.

"Saying stuff like that is rude, Addison." She rolls her eyes again and puts her hand back on Sky's stomach. "You should be on your best behavior since I didn't get you in trouble for breaking my statue." She looks a little surprised that I brought it up.

"I didn't break it. You did." Have Faith and Buffy been giving her crack?

"Excuse me, missy, you were the one who threw it."

"But you caught it with your magic, and then you let go and it hit the ground. So you broke it." Wow, she actually has a valid point. But I'm the adult, so I get to win the arguments.

"I let go because Joey was trying to play in the garbage. If you hadn't thrown it, it wouldn't have broken."

"Well then it's Joey's fault since he was playing in the garbage. He's so gross, and he thinks he's a dog. If he wants to be a dog then he should eat outside 'cause Mom had the dogs eat outside."

"It wasn't your brother's fault. You need to stop throwing things when someone tells you to put them down."

"Ok children," Sky says and she's trying not to laugh. "Stop fighting, ok? You're upsetting the baby." The baby is upset? We were fighting and now there's something wrong with the baby? I guess I'm wearing my worried face because Sky gives me her reassuring smile. She gently caresses my face and I give her a little unsure smile. "Wow, your daughter is getting very upset." My eyebrows furrow with worry. Little Madeline or Heather does get upset when people argue. She's very sensitive to tone, but I also think it has to do with Sky. She's been very sensitive lately and her emotions affect the baby as well. But this isn't normal. Normally the baby calms down as soon as the harsh tones go away. "Oh my God, ow!" She grabs onto my hand and squeezes as tight as she can. Ow is right. Ow, ow, ow, ow. I think I'm going to need an x-ray. If this is just a false labor pain, then what are the real ones going to be like?

"It's ok, baby, just breathe through it. It'll be over in a sec," I tell her and gently rub her stomach. I don't know if it'll help but it can't hurt, right? I feel magic growing in the air, which means something bad is about to happen. Please don't let there be any more giant frogs. I don't think I can handle another giant frog. I know you conquer a fear by facing it head on, but that's a little much don't you think? The contraction ends, and thank the goddess she lets go of my hand. I really do think I need x-rays. Sky relaxes, and leans her head back against the wall. "There, sweetie, it's over. I think you need to rest some more. We'll get out of here and let you do that." She nods her head a little but she doesn't look at me. I try not to look hurt but it's hard. I know she's blaming me for this. She won't say it out loud but I know internally she's blaming me. I'm the one who wanted a baby so badly. She wouldn't be so miserable if it weren't for me.

"Ok, if you think that's best," she says and looks up at me with a worried look on her face. Oh god, what happened now? "What statue did she break?" She's worried about that now? "Don't give me that look. What statue did she break? Was it one of the ones I bought when I was in Switzerland?" The baby is in distress, she's having horribly painful contractions, my hand is still throbbing but the statue is the thing she's worried about. The ones she bought while she was in Switzerland are……vomit inducing isn't exactly strong enough. I love the ones she bought when she was in Greece though.

"No it wasn't one of yours. It was my Meskhenet. I magiced it back together, but I'm not sure if the mystical properties were compromised or not." Sky gives me a little look and I don't like it. "What? Breaking a statue could destroy any powers that it has. Once in Sunnydale when we were trying to bring Buffy back from…" oh shit I almost said that in front of Addison. I really need to be more careful about what I say in front of her. Something like that could emotionally traumatize her for the rest of her life. "…someplace else, we needed to use this urn and it broke and it was completely useless after that. Even if I did magic it back together the integrity of the urn was defiled and the mystical properties were gone forever." Great, now she's giving me the amused smirk.

"Willow, the Meskhenet statue doesn't have any mystical properties, and just because you love it, a lot, it doesn't mean it has any special powers. It's a nice looking statue of a fertility goddess, that's all." That's all, my ass. That statue has powers. I'm not going to argue about it though. She's pregnant, and hormonal. If she wasn't pregnant and she acted this way out in public she'd be certified as insane and put on medication, so her opinion really shouldn't count for much. Although, I think for my own safety, I'll keep that thought to myself.

"I'm gonna go check on Joey. He's supposed to be watching Oliver and Company, but he has the attention span of a goldfish so he could be using your statues as dolls or something." Sky laughs a little and I lean up and give her a kiss. Addison giggles a little but doesn't say anything. Dawn and I encourage the kids to make fun of their parents whenever they show displays of affection towards each other, but they're pretty ok around Sky and me. I give Sky's belly a little kiss and look into her eyes while I do it. She smiles and gets this intense look in her eyes that sends a little shiver rushing down my spine. I am so having sex tonight. "Alright, Addison, let's go find that little brother of yours." She hops off the bed and I leave one last kiss on Sky's belly. I can't wait for little Louise or Sophia to get here so I can kiss that cute little nose, and those cute little lips, and her little forehead, and little cheeks, and little fingers, and little toes.

"Thinking about kissing the baby again?" Sky asks and it snaps me back to reality. I nod and she gets a cute smile on her face. "As much as I love it when you get like this, you really should go check on Joey." She gets an embarrassed look on her face and I furrow my eyebrows. Why is she so embarrassed all of a sudden? "You know what happens when I have a contraction like that." Oh God, she's right. She could've turned the couch into a bear and it could have eaten him or all of her statues could've come to life and they have him tied down and they're holding him hostage or something. I leave one more kiss on her belly, and I head downstairs with Addison. I have no idea what I'm walking into so I need to be on my toes. Not literally, of course. My house has been turned into a figurative field of land mines, and don't like it at all. I used to be able to come home and relax, but ever since Sky's magic turned very unpredictable I haven't been able to relax much.

Ok, what the hell happened in here? The cushions of the couch have been ripped to shreds, there's some kind of liquid all over the rug, and……is that one of my shoes? I walk further into the room, and yep, that's one of my shoes all right. But it looks like it's been chewed up. I'm not liking this at all. What the hell did Sky do? I hear a large crashing sound come from the kitchen, and I put up a protective shield around Addison. I tell her to stay put, and I slowly make my way towards the kitchen. This can't be good. Sky obviously turned something into a destructive beast, and I haven't seen Joey yet. Faith will kill me if something happens to one of her kids while I'm supposed to be watching them. And if she doesn't kill me, then Buffy definitely will. We're best friends and everything, but even that has it's limits. And I'm sure the 'been best friends since high school' card isn't going to work if I accidentally got one of her kids eaten by some kind of demon.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," I say when I see what's going on in the kitchen. Sky didn't turn anything into some type of shoe chewing, couch eating demon. She turned Joey into a dog. A beagle to be exact. At least I'm pretty sure that's Joey. The dog is wearing his shirt so there's a good chance it's him. I have no idea what happened to the pants, underoos, socks, and shoes and I don't think I want to know. I guess this time Sky's crazy magic did some good. Joey said he wanted to be a puppy and his wish came true. I just wish he wasn't making a huge mess all over my kitchen floor. That's right, he came in here, and knocked over the garbage can. Now he's eating the rest of the sandwich that I threw out. "Joey!" He looks up at me and he's just so damn cute. Ok, I need to focus here. "Come here, right now." I guess the stern approach wasn't the best because now he's running away from me.

"Joseph, don't you dare run away from me!" I yell and I chase off after him. He bolts into the living room, and hides under one of the end tables. Ok, this might be easier then I thought it was going to be. I start walking slowly, so I don't scare him. He's staring straight at me, and his little tail is tucked between his legs. "Come here, Joey." My voice sounds all sweet and a little babyish, like most people's do when they talk to a puppy. "Auntie Willow isn't mad anymore. I just want to hold you. Does that sound good?" Apparently not, because as soon as I get within three feet of him he bolts. He hits a leg of the end table and it goes crashing to the ground. One of Sky's statues from Switzerland goes crash-o-smash. I'll have to thank him for that later. I chase him further into the living room and run in front of the couch. I step on the rug and my barefoot touches something wet, and warm. That's weird it smells kinda like-

"You peed on the floor? I know this is kind of a cliché, but you just wait until your mother gets home!" I yell and Addison starts laughing. "This isn't funny. How would you like it if you stepped in pee?" She doesn't stop laughing, but I don't have time for this. I have a little dog-boy to deal with. I have no idea where he went. He could've run upstairs, but I doubt it. He doesn't run to Sky when he's in trouble like Addison does. I glance down at the floor and I can't help but smile a little bit. He's hiding under the couch, and about three inches of his tail is sticking out from under it. I get down on my hands and knees and very slowly reach my right hand out. I grab onto his tail, and he yelps. He starts struggling but I have a good hold on him. I pull him out from under the couch, and he tries running away. "Ostendo sum ut verus vultus!" There's a huge flash of bright light, and when it goes away he's Joey again, and he has all of his clothes on.

"Hopefully that's your mother," I say when the doorbell rings. I stand up and walk over to the door, and wipe my foot off on the dry part of the rug on the way over there. I'm going to have to shower after they leave to get the icky urine off my foot. I've had a lot of gross things on me before from all the demons I've helped slay over the years, but I've never had urine on me before. I open the door and see Faith standing there looking all beautiful and smug. Ok, so maybe no smug but she's definitely looking good. Buffy must've done her hair before she left the house because Faith's hair has been curled into perfect ringlets. I hate that she looks so relaxed when I've been chasing her kid around for the last ten minutes. "Oh, thank God." She gets a smile on her face and now she does look smug.

"Did the kids give you a bad time?" she asks and I move back to let her in the house. She shuts the door, and starts looking around the room. Her eyes get all big, and she's looking at the couch. That's right, lady, stare at it all you want but that's not going to fix it. I'll just magic it back together later.

"They were good for a while, but then Joey was a dog and everything went to hell," I say and she laughs a little. "It's not funny, Faith. He chewed up one of my good shoes." She starts laughing even more and if she's not careful I'm going to magic her mouth shut.

"Did you put him in a time out? He usually stops pretending to be a dog if he goes in time out." Oh, well no wonder she was laughing. She thinks Joey was just pretending to be a puppy. I wish that had been the case. He actually listens when he's playing make-believe.

"No, you don't understand. He wasn't pretending. He was turned into a-"

"Son of a bitch, ow!" Sky screams and interrupts what I was going to say. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I start looking around the room to see if I can spot any changes. I can feel the magic growing in the air, just like I can every time Sky has a contraction, but I don't see anything changing. Maybe something upstairs is changing, or being sent to another dimension, or being blown up? That's always a possibility. But I'll look later because Faith is here to pick up the kids, and even though I love them to death, I really want my quiet house back. I turn back to Faith and she looks confused, and a little worried.

"Is Sky ok?" she asks and I nod my head. "Shouldn't you go check on her or something?" I go to explain, but then the expression on Faith's face changes. Her eyebrows knit together, and her eyes have this far off look in them, and she just dropped her purse on the floor. "Ow! Mother fucker! My head is on fire! My head is on fire!" What the hell is she talking about? She starts pulling at her hair, and drops to the floor. She has tears running down her cheeks, and her face is getting really red. "Willow, help me!" Wow, that's something I never thought I'd hear Faith say.

"Ok, ok, just calm down. Your head isn't on fire!" I yell but she keeps clawing at her own scalp. I don't know what she's hoping to accomplish but she's going to rip her hair right out if she's not careful. Then she stops screaming, and her tears disappear. Ok, what's happening now? She falls over and covers her head up with her arms, and curls into the fetal position. She can be such a drama queen sometimes. "Faith, you're ok, ok? So you can get up now." I crouch down next to her, and put my hand on her shoulder. She sniffles loudly but she slowly starts to sit up. My jaw drops when I look at her.

"What is it?" she asks and she sounds really scared. I try to talk but no words will come out. "Is my skin all melted? Is my hair all burnt and gross looking?" Her hair is something alright, burnt and gross looking aren't it though. Again I try to speak but all that comes out are little squeaky sounds. "Willow! Tell me!" Ok, ok, you don't have to shout.

"You're…" I manage to get out. I close my mouth, and clear my throat. Maybe that will make talking easier. "You're blonde!" And yes, I really did have to shout.

BPOV

Today has been a pretty good day. Willow watched the kids so Faith and I could do the normal weekend errands. We decided to split them in half instead of doing them together. This way we could spend some time with our kids before we have to cook dinner. After dinner, we usually hang out at the table and slowly get all of the leftovers put away, and rinse off the dishes to be put in the dishwasher. Then the kids have their bath, and after I spend fifteen minutes trying to get them dressed, they go to bed. On the weekends, we let them stay up a little later but they have school and daycare tomorrow. Anyway, I did all of the small errands: dropping the bills off at the post office, then I ran into Target to pick up some new sheets for Joey's bed since his were getting a little ratty, I bought some new shampoo and conditioner, got some more razors, and I picked up some jelly beans. Mostly for me, but I'll share with the kids if they ask.

I did a little bit of Christmas shopping, but not much. Money is a little tight this month because my studio was shut down for a while. Faith got a few extra jobs since it's December, so people want customized motorcycles as gifts, so in a couple of weeks we'll have enough to buy some more. These are just some little things I picked up because they were on sale. I got some more clothes for Addison's Barbie dolls and some dinosaur toys for Joseph. I wrote down something that I want to get for Matthew, but I didn't have enough to buy it today. These toys are going to have to stay in the trunk until the kids go to bed because Faith somehow got home before me. Maybe I shouldn't have stopped and had lunch at PJ's. Maybe then I would've gotten home before her. I like getting home before her. Whenever we split up to do errands it's almost like a race to see who can get home first, and today she got home before me. What a bitch. I'm joking, calm down.

I pull into the driveway and shut off the engine. I don't get out right away, though. I'm happy to be home, but it hasn't really felt like home the last few days. Matthew stayed in Ohio because Brooke was having trouble adjusting to everything. When we left, she wouldn't talk to anyone but him, and she would freak out if he was gone from her side for more then ten minutes. Giles has been calling with daily progress reports and she is getting a little better, but we have no idea when she's going to be stable enough for Matthew to leave. If it were up to me, he'd be home right now with us where he belongs, but he wants to help her, and Faith thinks it's a good idea. We talked about it, and this is the type of work we want our son to grow up to do if it's what he wants, and right now he really wants to help her.

Faith has been so sweet about all of it. She knows I'm missing Matthew like crazy, and she's been going out of her way to try and make me feel better. She bought me some flowers the other day, and they were so beautiful. She got herself a heavy-petting make-out session because of that. I know she didn't get me the flowers because she wanted something from me. That's not how Faith rolls at all. But I'm one of those women who are all girly and emotional. Give us a nice bouquet of flowers and we'll be so overtaken with emotion that we'll show our gratitude with sex. She didn't get sex, but I thought second and a half base was good enough. I say second and a half because I thought about going down on her, but I had a casserole in the oven that would've been forgotten about if I had, and then we would've had to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner.

Anyways, Faith's mostly been doing other things then bringing me nice flowers. She's been doing more housework than normal, and disciplining the kids instead of being lazy and pawning it off on me, and she's just been there, ya know? She hasn't once told me that he'll be home soon and to stop worrying. She hasn't said anything about me being overly emotional or over protective. She'll catch me looking at a picture of him and getting a little teary eyed over it, and she'll wrap her arms around me, and just hold me until I calm down. The other night when we made love, she made it all about me. She spent almost three hours just making me forget about everything that's going on. I feel a little guilty about it though. I mean, she did so many things to me, sent me to the depths of ecstasy until I was too spent to give her any pleasure back. So tonight, if she's in the mood I want to thank her for it.

"Faithy, I'm home!" I yell out from the front door in my best Ricky Ricardo impersonation. Faith loves it when I do that, and I can hear her laughing right now. She's in the kitchen so she's probably putting groceries away. Hopefully, she just got home a few minutes ago. Once she actually left everything on the floor and didn't start putting them away until a few minutes before I got home to make it look like she did what a normal person would've done, and everything that was supposed to be refrigerated had to be thrown away. But Faith is all about learning from her mistakes these days, so hopefully she learned from that one, and never does that again. I drop my bags in the foyer, and hang up my purse on the coat rack. Yeah I know, but I'm lazy. I toss my keys on the end table and start to walk towards the kitchen.

"B, wait!" she yells and I freeze. What the hell is going on? "I got a surprise for you." Oh. That little sneak. I wonder if she got me jewelry. I kinda hinted that a new diamond necklace would make me feel tons better, but she didn't fall for it. She laughed, called me cute, and gave me a little kiss on the cheek. She didn't get any heavy-petting make-out sessions that day, you can be sure of it. "Don't move and close your eyes!" Ok, I can totally do that. Those are two things I'm pretty good at. The keeping my eyes closed thing is sometimes a problem. I tend to peek and ruin surprises, but she sounds really excited about it, so I won't open them. I hear footsteps, and then I smell her perfume. It's a comforting smell that somehow always makes me feel like I'm being wrapped up in a security blanket. Weird image, I know, but it's a really nice feeling. "Ok, B, open your eyes." She doesn't have to tell me twice. Please be diamonds, please be diamonds, please be diamonds.

"Oh. My. God." She definitely didn't get me diamonds. "What did you do to your hair?" This morning I thought it would be fun to curl Faith's hair in pretty ringlets because she looks really cute with pretty ringlets. I do this every once in a while, I convince Faith to let me use her as a Barbie doll and I do her hair, and do her make up, and pick out something for her to wear. This morning, I picked ringlets, a more natural looking selection of make-up, and her nice looking jeans to go with her sky blue top, and shiny black boots. She even sang part of the animal crackers song from Curly Top. It was so damn adorable. But this? This? I didn't think she would take it this far. "What happened to your hair? Your sexy, sexy brown hair that was loved by one and all, and especially me?" She chuckles a little and bites her bottom lip. "This isn't funny, Faith."

"Relax, Buffy, I didn't do anything," she says and gives me a little kiss on the lips. Didn't do anything?! She totally did something! I don't think I can have sex with her tonight. It would be too weird. She looks too different. "I picked up the kids from Willow's, and Sky had a Braxton Hicks contraction and her magic went a little crazy and this is what happened." She shakes her head a little and all of the curls bounce around. She has this big, innocent smile on her face, and she looks………pretty fucking adorable. I can't help but smile at her. She's so goofy sometimes. This time I give her a little kiss, and I let it last just long enough for her to reciprocate. "At first, it felt like my head was on fire, and Red was just standing there looking like a duck with a thumb up its ass." Where does she come up with this stuff? "But then the pain went away and these golden locks were left." We laugh a little, and I gently touch some of her curls like they're the most fragile things on the planet.

"And Willow couldn't change it back?" I ask and I don't sound as upset as I did a minute ago. That's good, I don't want her thinking I totally hate it because I don't. Anyway, she gives me a big smile, and gets a strange glint in her eyes. I don't like the look of that smile. It's like I'm one of the little pigs, and she's the big, bad wolf. She wraps her arms around me, and squeezes my ass with both hands. Someone's feeling a little frisky. Now that I'm starting to get used to the curls, maybe that thank you sex will be happening. This whole blonde thing could be pretty interesting if we play our cards right.

"Nah, she could, but I told her to leave it. I thought you might like it," she says and before I can respond to that she's kissing me. It isn't very passionate. Just a slow, kinda lazy kiss, but it has little tingles running all the way down my spine to the tips of my toes. I love slow, lazy kisses like this. Don't ask me why, but I really do. I wrap my arms around her back and gently rub the back of her neck as she gently kneads my ass. And you better keep your mouth shut because if you make one comment about my ass being dough-like I will hunt you down and kill you. She pulls back and looks into my eyes. I can tell she's feeling a little…girly, I guess. She really wants my opinion but she's afraid I'm not going to have anything nice to say, so she's getting kind of self-conscious. "So, what do you think of the new hairdo?" Why did that kiss have to end? That was such a good kiss. My lips are still all tingly from it.

"It'll take some getting used to, but I'm starting to love it," I say and she smiles a big, kinda bashful smile. I love seeing Faith act like this. It's very few and far between, so when she does act like this I tend to drag it out for as long as possible. "You look so adorable, and there are just so many other things I want to do with it. I mean, who knows how long this is going to last since it's a magic related…thing? It could wear off in your sleep and never be this color again. We can't just let the ringlets take up all of the blonde's time. We have to think outside the box here." She shuts me up by kissing me, which is exactly why I was babbling on like that. I'm sure she knows it's why I was babbling, but Faith isn't going to turn down some lovin in any shape or form. We spend a few minutes just kissing slowly, and taking comfort in each other. I missed her a lot today, and from the feel of things I'd say she missed me too.

"I finished…" Faith says in between kisses. She tries to speak again but I won't let her. I'm not done just being with her yet. She's probably going to talk about how she finished some chore around the house, and how there's something else we need to do, and we'll have to go back to real life. I don't want to do that just yet. But I guess I don't have a choice. She pulls back and ends the perfect kiss we were sharing. Spoil sport. "Aww, B, don't pout. I know how much you wanted to spend some time with the kids, but Joey's fast asleep. So I thought we could watch a movie with Addy. You know how much she likes spending time with just us." She's right. If one of the other kids gets attention she lets everyone know that it's been awhile since we've spend time with just her. She gets so jealous sometimes. It's a little concerning but that's just the way she is.

"We can put your stuff away later. We already got the movie picked out and everything," she says and I sigh a little. She leaves a kiss on the tip of my nose, and I giggle like a little school girl. She's really good at making me do that, and I love her for it. "Come on, B. I'm sure we can sneak some kisses when she isn't looking." That is true. Sneaking kisses is always fun. It makes me feel like we're getting away with something bad. I know that sounds silly, and childish because it totally is, but it's still fun. She holds onto my hand and leads me into the living room. Addison runs up and gives me a huge hug. I hug her back and scoop her up into my arms. We really do need to start spending more one on one time with our kids. Doing things together as a family is nice because it brings us closer together, but one on one time is really important too.

"Hey, Angel Girl," I whisper into her ear and rub her back with one hand. She rests her head on my shoulder and I smile a little bit. Addison misses her big brother more then any of us. Ever since we got back from the slayer school, she's snuck out of her bed every night so she could sleep in Matthew's. We haven't been encouraging it, but we haven't punished her for it. She misses her brother, there's nothing wrong with that, so why should she be punished? It's not like she's going through his things, or breaking anything. She sneaks in there so she can sleep in his bed because that's where his scent is the strongest. I would've stolen his pillow but Faith got to it before I could. She's missing him too, but she's being a little more realistic about it. She knows he'll be back by Christmas no matter what, but that feels like forever away.

"Ok, girls, movie time," Faith says and it brings me back to reality. I put Addison down, and she holds onto my hand and leads me over to the couch. I sit in the middle of the couch with Addison on my right, and Faith is to the left of me, but she's too far away. I can't lean against her when she's all the way over there. "We haven't watched Land Before Time in forever." She is so full of it. We watched it on the plane ride to and from Cleveland. The kids love this movie almost as much as Faith does, but we all have our favorite. I like Petrie because that little guy wants to fly so badly and he's so damn cute. Faith likes Sarah, surprise, surprise. Sarah is like the cartoon version of Faith when she first showed up to Sunnydale. She thinks she's so big and tough and can do everything on her own, but it ends up alienating her from the rest of the group. If that's not Faith back in Sunnydale then I don't know what is.

Joey likes the sharp tooth because it's big and loud. Addison likes Spike because he's big, and doesn't talk, and reminds her of a dog. Speaking of dogs, I'm thinking about getting the kids a puppy for Christmas. We lost both dogs about two months ago and things around here have been pretty miserable since. I know I complained a lot about the dogs because they slobbered, and barked a lot, and smelt bad, and were pains in my ass for a very long time, but I miss having a dog around here. I miss having the security that a dog creates. Even if they aren't very big they're still loud, and they'll alert you if someone's coming close to your house. No dogs are ever going to be as good as Tucker and Ruby, but I think the kids will really love having a dog again. Faith will be totally against it at first, but she's brought home two dogs without talking to me about it, so I think it's time she had a taste of her own medicine.

I look over when I feel Faith brush up against me. She has that wounded puppy-dog look in her eyes and I can't help but smile. The big baby wants some affection, but she's too macho to ask. I wrap my arms around her and give her a little kiss on the lips, and she sighs. I definitely agree with that. Right now is perfect. We're both completely relaxed, and just enjoying being with each other and our daughter. I wouldn't trade this for the world. I feel Faith nuzzle my neck and I giggle a little bit. She's been such a love bug the last couple of days since we got back, but she hasn't been this affectionate. I wonder what's gotten into her? Oh well, I'm not going to worry about it because Faith acting like this is kind of rare so I want to enjoy it while it lasts.

"Your hair is so adorable," I whisper and play with some of her curls. She smiles a little and I give her another little kiss on the lips. "Seriously, I might have you keep it this color 'cause it's just so cute." She laughs a little but then Addison shushes us. Yeah, we were just shushed. How rude is that. "Sorry." Well we were talking during the movie. "I don't like people talking when I watch a movie either." She shushes me again and I just roll my eyes. I think I'm going to blame that on Faith. They're too much alike, and Faith has shushed me like that before. I press my lips to Faith's ear so hopefully Addison won't hear me. "I think we should send her to boarding school, let someone else put up with her attitude for a while." I'm only joking, and Faith knows it. She starts chuckling a little but this time Addison just sighs and moves down to the floor so she can hear the TV better.

"She definitely takes after you," Faith says and I scoff. That is so untrue. I do not act like that when people talk during a movie. "B, you slap me on the leg when I try to talk when we're watching something." That is only sometimes when I really want to watch whatever is on TV but she keeps yakking away. "Awww, baby, don't get all pouty faced." She sounds like such a kid it's cute, especially with her blonde, Shirley Temple ringlets. I stick my lip out farther, and furrow my eyebrows a little more. I glance over at Faith when she doesn't respond and I can't help but sigh. How the hell can she go from being fully awake and really flirty, to dead asleep in less then ten seconds? Poor baby must be tired from all the stress of everything. We've both been feeling the strain of this month's lack of money, and she's been working extra hard since we got back to finish those bikes up sooner and get paid quicker. That, plus her missing Matthew I'm surprised she even got out of bed this morning.

I finish watching the movie with Addison, and since Faith is fast asleep and lying with her head on the arm of the couch, Addison decided it would be ok to come back up to the couch and sit with me. I had to promise her I wouldn't talk during the rest of the movie, though. I didn't feel like teasing her by talking a little bit because she would've gotten mad and probably woken Faith up with one of her tantrums. Besides, I like sitting on the couch and just quietly holding my kids, and getting all reminiscey. She used to be so small. Out of all our babies she was the smallest. Even when she was in the womb she had an attitude. Whenever she was trying to take a nap and something was too loud she would start kicking. At least that's what Faith said. She could feel when Addison would roll over onto her side to sleep, and then Matthew would start playing loudly, or the TV would be up too high or something, she would give a sharp kick, and Faith would go lay down in the bedroom so our baby girl could rest.

She's totally rebelled against me when it comes to the clothes she wears. When she was little she didn't really care what I put her in, and I was always dressing her in little skirts, and dresses, and all these cute outfits, and it drove Faith insane. She would always say 'just because Addy's a girl doesn't mean she has to wear all that frilly stuff.' I know that's true, but she was my little baby girl, and I wanted to treat her special. Matthew was always just a jeans and a t-shirt type of boy. I tried dressing him up in fancier things but he'd purposely spill things on himself so they'd stain and he'd never have to wear them again. Anyway, Addison doesn't want to wear the girly stuff anymore. She likes light yellow, and baby blue and both of those are pretty girly colors, but she doesn't like wearing girly clothes. She'll wear skirts sometimes, but she doesn't like wearing dresses anymore. She likes shorts, and most of the tops I bought her a while ago, but she picked them out. She has pretty good taste when it comes to tops, I'll give her that.

"Hey Addison," I whisper when the movie ends. It's about time Faith woke up from her little nap. If she sleeps any longer then she won't sleep tonight and she'll be irritated. She wants to head into the shop around seven to get an early jump on things. "Why don't you go play in your room for a little while, ok?" She goes to say something but I stop her because I know she won't whisper like I am. "Shhh, ok? Just go upstairs and play." She sighs and looks a little frustrated, but she jumps off the couch and runs up the stairs. Now that she's gone, I can turn my attention to my wife. I pull my skirt up a little bit so I can put my knees on either side of her legs. I hold myself on my hands and knees so my body isn't touching her. She's lying on her side so kissing her lips will be difficult, but her neck is pretty exposed. She looks so beautiful right now. Well, to me she looks beautiful all the time, but when she's asleep she looks so peaceful and angelic.

"Faith," I say at a normal volume. I lean down as close as I can, and I gently kiss her neck. "Faith, sweetheart, you need to wake up now." I start kissing her neck again, and she groans. "Awww, does the little baby not wanna wake up yet?" She groans again, and moves around a little bit. "Sweetie-pie?" I give her neck another kiss. She moves around some more, and I can tell by her breathing that she's starting to wake up. I nibble on her earlobe, and she giggles. Oh yeah, she's definitely awake. "Pookie-bear, it's time to get up." Faith used to do stuff like this to me all the time. It's a little strange how we've been acting since I got home. She flutters her eyes open and rolls over onto her back. "There are those pretty doe eyes. You've been very……I dunno, girlier then normal, today. I think it's the blonde hair." We both laugh, and I give her a sweet kiss on the lips, and she keeps it sweet. "I think we've traded roles in this relationship. Do I get to be on top more often?" I squeal when she flips us over in the blink of an eye.

"Don't get any wild ideas, B. I still wear the pants," she says, and leans down very slowly to give me a kiss. I lean forward to meet her half way, but she stops. She has that little mischievous glint in her eyes that I love so much. I lean up a little more to try and reach her lips, but she pulls back a little. I smile because I know what she's doing. She's trying to see how many times I'll try to kiss her before I give up. Well I'm not going to play her game. "In fact, I'm the only one of us wearing pants right now." I feel her hand gently rub my thigh, and she leans down and kisses me for real this time. Her lips are so soft, and this kiss is so sweet, but I can tell she's holding back. I don't know why she's holding back, but I can tell just by how tense she is that she wants to deepen it. I feel her hand move slowly up my thigh, and I feel myself getting wetter. I'm definitely going to have to change these panties.

"I love it when you wear skirts," she says all breathy and hot when the kiss ends. "It makes it so much easier to do this." She very gently slides one of her fingers passed the elastic of my underwear, and softly rubs my very wet lips. I suck in a deep breath, and she gets that mischievous smile on her face again. "I got us reservations." She did what now? She kisses me again, and her finger slowly slides up until she's gently stroking my clit. Everything goes fuzzy for a few seconds, but then I focus some of my attention on her. "I reserved us a table at Ferraro's for this Friday at eight o' clock." She did what?! She presses a little harder on my clit and I suck in another breath. Dirty tramp is doing this on purpose. "Before you start getting all pissy, we can afford it." She kisses me but I don't kiss her back. How the hell can we afford it? She looks into my eyes, and she isn't mad, she's being nothing but patient and understanding.

"I have more saved up then I've been letting on." Huh? "It's all money I've been putting aside from the shop, just a little stash I've been keeping for a rainy day." But it doesn't rain in Lincoln. Ok, it does, but not very often, and never much at a time. She stops moving, and the mischievous look in her eyes is gone. Now she's nothing but serious. "We need this, B. With everything that's going on we need a night together that's just us. No little kids arguing and throwing food." Our kids do not do that. "No slayer duties interrupting and making us end our night early." That would be pretty nice. It seemed like whenever we found some time for just us, Giles would call and ask us to do something. "Ferraro's is expensive but I got it covered." Well ok then. I stretch my neck up and give her a sweet kiss to let her know I'm happy with it. This will give me the perfect excuse to get all dressed up.

"Now, where were we?" she asks when the kiss ends. I smile a very pleased smile and she starts gently rubbing my clit again. She wants to take things really slow, to draw them out, and make it last for as long as possible. I do that to her too, but I don't think I can take that right now. I'm not in the mood for fast and rough, but going a little faster then a snail would also be nice. But she's trying to prove a point so I won't say anything. I definitely won't say anything now that she's added another finger. I pull back from the kiss, and rest my head on the arm of the couch. A low moan works its way out of my throat. "You like that, huh B?" She sounds so sweet right now, but at the same time very naughty. I nod my head and she starts kissing my throat. If she keeps doing what she's doing I'm going to come in no time.

"Mom when are you gonna make dinner?" HOLY SHIT!!! I sit up lightening fast, and poor Faith goes tumbling over onto the floor. I have to bite my lips to stop myself from laughing. She lands flat on her back, and she looks a little stunned. "Mama, are you ok?" Addison runs over to her, and starts grabbing at her face. "Mama, can you hear me?" She talks very loudly, and slowly emphasizing on each syllable of the words. Damn, why do I never have a video camera when stuff like this is happening? Faith just lies there, playing possum. She likes freaking the kids out with stuff like this. Addison looks into Faith eyes, and studies them for a minute. What is she doing? "Mom, I think she has a percussion." I can't help but roll my eyes. I have the most dramatic daughter in the western hemisphere.

"Ok, it's not 'percussion' it's 'concussion' and she's fine. She just bumped her head a little," I say and stand up. My skirt falls down to where it's supposed to be, and yep, I'm definitely going to need some new panties. Stupid Faith getting me all worked up when we can't do anything about it. And Addison came down at just the exact wrong time. If she wasn't only seven I'd think she'd have planned this. I look over at the clock and it's later then I thought it was. I usually start dinner about fifteen minutes ago. "I'll start dinner right now, ok Angel Girl?" She nods her head, and keeps poking at Faith's forehead. I have the strangest family. "Will you run upstairs, and wake Joey up from his nap?" She starts running off and I sigh. "And do it nicely!" The last time I asked her to wake him up she grabbed him by the ankle and dragged him off the bed. "You can get up now, she's gone." And just like that Faith is up off the floor and acting like nothing weird happened. I think it needs repeating; I have the strangest family.

FPOV

Today has not been a very good day. I can't remember when exactly it started to go crappy, but it did. This morning was pretty awesome. I woke up, showered, shaved, went downstairs and breakfast was ready. The kids were actually being good, and Buffy had some coffee already, so she was fully awake, and not crabby like she usually is in the mornings. We decided to split up the errands to get them done faster 'cause B wanted to spend some time with the kids before we had to make dinner. After dinner things are pretty hectic around here 'cause of bath time, and those kids never wanna get dressed, and they always give B hell about it. I would try to help her, but then I'd get a headache too, and what's the point of both of us having headaches? We'd both just be bitchy for the rest of the night, so I just stay out of it, and let her get the kids ready for bed.

I got a little bit of Christmas shopping done while I was out. I'm gonna have to dip into my stash of cash that I keep at the shop if I'm gonna buy Buffy the present I really want to get her. I've had my eye on it for a while now, and I know she'll love it. It's this silk dress that's gray, with floral and peacock print, it's got a v-neck with a little bit of black lace trim, and it stops at the knee. I know she'll love it, and she'll look beautiful in it. Only problem is the thing cost four hundred dollars. I thought about taking Dawn to the store and having her look at it so she can make an exact replica, but that feels……cheap. I want to see her open up the pretty box with the pretty dress inside so she can see the designer tag and know I went all out. I could have Dawn put one of her tags on it 'cause she's a clothing designer but B'll know Dawn did it for free.

Anyway, the morning was good until I went in to the shop. I stopped by to drop my dad off some breakfast, and I walked in on him and Brittany fighting. I swear those two go at it like angry bears. And little Gracie was in my office hiding under the desk, crying her eyes out 'cause her mommy and daddy were scaring her. Walking in on something like that first thing in the morning will fuck up anyone's day. I don't think my dad and Brittany are gonna make it. They're married now, they got married five months after Gracie was born and Brittany could fit into the dress she bought, but I really don't think this marriage is gonna last. My dad says he married her 'cause he loves her, but I think he married her 'cause he's a traditionalist and he knocked her up. When I told him how long it took me to marry Buffy he got a little mad at me 'cause we had two kids by then.

The day just went downhill from there. Finding a parking spot at the grocery store was a bitch, and so were most of the people shopping there today. Something must be in the air 'cause everyone was pissed off and not trying very hard to hide it. Being there by myself reminded me why I hate grocery shopping alone. I made a list before I left so I wouldn't forget anything so that wasn't a problem, but I'm so used to doing it with B. She keeps me company, and stops me from getting frustrated with the other people in the store. The aisles are too small, and are always crowded, and two or three people are always flocked around what I need to get, and it's just a big frustrating situation. But B always cracks some joke so I won't get too irritated, or she'll do a fake sneeze to get the people to move. Fake sneezing or coughing is an 80% guarantee to get people to move out of your way. But they're still a pain in the ass.

By the time I got to Willow's to pick the kids up I was ready to call it quits. I wanted to take off all my clothes, crawl into bed, and forget that horrible day ever happened. Then Sky went all psycho, and magically dyed my hair blonde. It's a fuckin bright blonde too. My head looks like a fuckin canary died on it or something. My scalp felt like it was on fire, and I don't just mean it got really hot. I mean, I could feel my skin bubbling, and I thought it was going to melt off. I never wanna go through something like that again, ever. I was only pissed about the dye job for a few minutes. Willow offered to turn it back to normal, but I really wanted to see how Buffy would react to it. She's always joked about buyin me a blonde wig so she can see what it's like to have sex with a blonde, so I figured this was way better then a wig.

When she got home I got all giddy, like some bubbly teenager. Not just 'cause of my hair, but because I hadn't seen her since this morning and I missed her. I know that sounds stupid since we live together, and we've been together for fifteen years, but I don't like being away from her for too long. I guess that's what every relationship needs though. If you don't have that longing every once in a while you're doomed 'cause you'll get sick of the person. When we first started dating I needed a lot of alone time, ever after we moved in together. I'd drive down to Sacramento to get in some good slaying, and be gone for a day or two just so I could miss her. And when I got back the 'I missed you' sex was fucking spectacular. Buffy definitely knows how to make me happy.

Enough about that shit. After I was done bein a dork and pretending to be dead, and Addy ran upstairs to wake Joey up, I went into the kitchen to help B cook dinner. I've taught her enough that she can make a whole meal on her own but I like cooking with her. We usually have a lot of fun. But tonight, she was a little agitated 'cause she was so worked up, and she didn't get any release. She can be a real bitch when she needs to come. She's calmer about it now 'cause of the kids, but when we're in a room alone together she can be a cunt. She's tense, and I know she's tense, and she knows I know she's tense so she gets even more tense 'cause she's trying to not act tense, and………what the fuck am I talking about? That last sentence confused the fuck outta me. I might as well skip to what's goin on right now.

Joey doesn't feel so good. When he got up from his nap he was complainin that his ear hurt, but we didn't pay much attention to it. Sometimes he pulls at his ears in his sleep, and they'll hurt when he wakes up. He's been doin that shit since he was a baby. But he was a little whiney, which is weird 'cause after he has a nap he's usually kinda hyper, and sometimes a little bratty 'cause of it, but rarely whiney. He didn't want to eat his dinner, he didn't even want dessert, which is a sign that something's wrong. Then B felt his forehead, and he's runnin a little bit of a temperature. She had him lay down on the couch while we finished eating, and after dinner she gave the kids a bath while I cleaned up the kitchen. How I got stuck with that shit I'll never know.

Anyway, Joey was all…lethargic in the tub, and didn't wanna play with Addy which kinda pissed her off. They always take some toys into the tub with them, and they make up games and shit, but tonight he didn't wanna play. He didn't want his hair washed either, and he started throwing a fit when Buffy washed his hair. He cried for a while, but sat there and let her wash it. Normally after the kids get a bath they run around the house bare-ass-naked, and B chases 'em around with their clothes yellin how it isn't good manners to be naked in common rooms like the living room, or the kitchen, but they don't give a shit. Kids are nudists, that's just what they do. But tonight Joey wasn't havin any of that. He walked into his room with the towel around his shoulders, and laid down on his bed. B got him dressed in his pjs with no problems, and took his temperature, and it's a little high. Tomorrow if he isn't any better she's gonna call the doctor to try and get him in.

When the kids are sick, this is usually how it goes: when Mattie's sick he likes to pass out on NyQuil and just sleep off the sickness. We fuss over him a little, and make him soup, and have him drink lots of water but for the most part he likes to be left alone when he's sick. Addy likes to sleep in our bed with us when she's not feeling well. She doesn't want to be cuddled, or touched a lot especially if she's got a fever, but she likes to have us close by. When Joey got a cold, he wanted Buffy, but that's not a big shocker or anything. When he's sick he wants his mommy to sleep in his bed with him, and read him his favorite bedtime story, and play with his hair, and rub his back while he falls asleep. Usually after he drifts off B will sneak out and come to bed, but sometimes if he's feeling really crappy she'll sleep in his bed so she can be close to him.

Tonight is far from a normal night. He's still pissed at B for washin his hair after he told her he didn't want his hair washed, so he wants me to sleep in his bed with him. I have no problem doing it. My baby boy is sick, and he wants me to help make him feel a little more comfortable and safe. It's just a little odd is all I'm saying. This kid is the biggest mommy's boy on the planet, and it's mostly B's fault. After I said I don't want anymore kids, she panicked, subconsciously, but she still panicked, and she babied Joey like he was the only kid on earth. For a while it was really bad. He got his way all the time no matter what, until finally B was exhausted, and I was fed up. It took a couple of weeks to wean him off her, but he stopped whining so much for her and started playing with his sister more. But whenever he gets hurt, or Addy hits him, or they fight, or he draws a picture, or he has something funny he wants to show off he always runs to Buffy.

"Hey, Moose," I whisper, and lay down on his bed. After B got him dressed, he asked for her to get me. Apparently, his exact words were 'Mommy, I want Mama to sleep with me 'cause I didn't want my hair cleaned.' "You feelin any better?" He shakes his head no, and starts playing with his right ear again. He's lyin on his left side, and lookin up at me, and he looks completely miserable. He's dressed in his footie pajamas with the little duckies on 'em. Those are his favorites. "Poor little boy." I gently lift him off the bed and pull down the covers. It looks like B already tucked him in, but he stood up and laid on top of the blankets. I guess he didn't want to be covered up until I got here. I get settled as comfortably as I can, and he curls up against me. I'm lying on my side facing him, and his little forehead is pressed against my throat, and he feels really warm.

"Mama, will you tell me a story?" he asks in the tiniest little voice I've ever heard. I respond with a little 'mmhmmm' and leave a kiss on the top of his head. I go to get up, but he wraps his little arms around me tighter. "No Mama, don't get up." Then how the hell am I supposed to get his favorite book? "Tell me a story, don't read me a story." Oh. Ok, I guess I can do that. Every great once in a while I kinda channel my dad and get into 'story teller' mode. It usually happens at dinner after we finish eating, but we just kinda hang out at the table and talk. I'll tell the kids funny stories from my childhood, and leave out the part about my mom being passed out drunk on the couch or whatever. Sometimes I tell 'em the story about the battle with the First. "Tell me a story, please?" He pulls back so I can see his face, and he's doin the puppy-dog eyes. I smile a little bit, and give him a kiss on the forehead. It feels a little hotter then before.

"I guess I have to now," I whisper. If he does have an ear infection I don't want to hurt him even more. "How can I resist that face?" He shrugs his shoulder and I chuckle. He's a little smart ass already, and he's not even four yet. I wrap an arm around him, but I let him lay the way he is. I want to be able to see his face while I tell this. He's getting a history lesson, that's for sure. "Ok Moose, let me think for a second." He's lost a lot of the chub he had when he was a baby, but the name stuck, as you can see. He's really tall for his age. He'll be four in February, and he's almost as tall as Addy. It makes sense, I guess. He was the biggest out of the three, and for a newborn he was pretty big, almost ten pounds. Poor B literally had something the size of the bowling ball living inside her. But I'm so glad everything worked out ok, 'cause I love this little guy like you wouldn't believe.

"Ok," I say and clear my throat to add a little drama. "This is a fairy tale, so I gotta start it like one, so don't say it's a girl story, alright?" He nods his head, but he sighs a little too. I smile and give him a kiss on his little lips. "Once upon a time, in a place far away from here…" I'm not making that part up. The east coast is far away from here. "There lived a beautiful peasant girl." What, you really thought I'd make myself a princess? Fuck that shit. "She lived in a tiny little house, in a kinda scary neighborhood with her mom." He squirms around a little bit, and it makes me smile. He takes after Buffy on that one. She's always squirmin around tryin to find the most comfortable spot to rest. She usually ends up kneeing me, or kickin me or something, and I get sympathy cuddles, which are always nice. "The peasant girl was always-"

"What the girl's name?" he asks, and his little eyebrows furrow. He looks so damn serious right now, and it's one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Crap, I can't use our real names 'cause I don't want him knowin some of this stuff is true. Ok, I guess I'll just have to make it up as I go along. Even if I do make it up, he's a really smart kid, so he might be able to piece some things together that I've told him before. The kids know I had it rough when I was younger, I just haven't told them how rough, and if I have it my way they'll never find out. They don't need to know any of that shit.

"Julie. The peasant girl's name is Julie. That alright?" I ask, and he nods his little head. I smile, and give his forehead another kiss. He still feels about the same. I really hope he doesn't get any hotter then this or we'll have to take him into the hospital. "Anyway, Julie was always getting into trouble, and she was mad all the time. She was mad because she didn't like living in the tiny little house, in the kinda scary neighborhood. She missed her daddy, and was mad because he worked for the king, and had to live in the castle." I run my fingers though his hair. He doesn't look tired at all, but at the same time he looks totally exhausted. Poor little guy must be feeling like crap. I guess I'll have to give this a really happy ending. Then again he might fall asleep before I finish. He rests his little hand on the arm I have wrapped around him, and he gives me this look like 'ok, keep going'.

"One day, when Julie was out walking, she met a very nice lady named…." Shit, I need another name. Telling this kid a story is more work then I thought it was gonna be. But he looks interested, and his little eyelids are getting heavier so that's good. Ok, I gotta name. "Rose. Rose was a little weird. She talked funny, and used words that Julie had never heard before, and Julie didn't want to be around her for a long time. But Rose told Julie that she could live with her and move out of the tiny little house in the kinda scary neighborhood, and she would keep Julie safe." My watcher was one hell of a woman. Maybe, if I hadn't been so hard headed back then, and I just listened to her things coulda turned out different. Nah, 'cause if even one thing happened different then I might not have this little guy right here. "So Julie ran back to her house, and grabbed what little things she had, and left that night with Rose, and she never looked back."

"What about her mommy?" he asks, and I furrow my eyebrows. I hate it when he asks the tough questions. "Was Julie's mommy sad?" I don't know how to answer that question. After I left with my watcher, I never saw my mom again so I have no idea what she did. I wanna think that my mom missed me, but I honestly have no idea. She treated me like she hated me, like she thought things would be better if I was gone. But he's only three, and this is a fairy tale so I can't tell him what I really think. I get a sad smile on my face, and the look in his eyes changes. He very slowly reaches out with his little hand, and rests it gently on my cheek. Ok, things need to lighten the fuck up. This is supposed to be a happy version of what happened. All fairy tales got some bad stuff in 'em but then they get better.

"No, Moose, her mommy wasn't sad. Her mommy knew that Rose was a nice lady, and that Julie would be safe. She missed her sometimes, but she wasn't sad." I turn my head until his little hand is over my lips, and I give his palm a little kiss. He giggles, and pulls his hand back. He's getting to that age when kisses are icky, and girls have cooties. Ok, now it's time to get the really sad part over with so I can get to the happier part. "Alright, so, where were we?" He thinks about it for a few seconds, but then he shrugs. I know where we are in the story. I just wanted to see if he remembered. "But one day." I make my voice all dramatic, and he knows a scary part is coming up. He covers up his eyes, and peeks out between them so he can still see my face. It makes me laugh, and he smiles. This kid is always doin goofy stuff like that to try and make us laugh. "One day, a big, scary monster came to the town."

"Was it bigger then Grampa Chris?" he asks and he sounds a little excited. This kid loves the scary stuff. He's definitely gonna be a horror fan like me when he gets older. I won't let him watch any of that stuff now 'cause he's still too little, but whenever somethin scary happens in one of the movies he can watch, he gets all hyped up, and starts yellin at the TV. He also yells at the TV with me whenever we watch a game together. Last night, it was pretty hilarious 'cause he called someone on the Knicks a motherfucker when the guy made it from the three point line. I laughed my ass off, but B got a little upset. She doesn't want her precious babies talkin like me too soon, or ya know, ever. Anyway, I get a smile on my face and make my voice all dramatic again.

"He was _bigger _then Grandpa Chris." His eyes get all big, and he mouths the word 'wow'. Their Grandpa Chris is the biggest person they know, so whenever you say somethin is big they always wanna know if it's bigger then him or not. "And he had long teeth, and big hooves instead of hands and feet, and he tore through the town like he owned the place. Julie wanted to run and hide because the monster scared her, but Rose said." I do my best British accent. "'Julie, it's our duty to keep the people safe. We have to try and stop him.'" He cracks up laughing, and I tickle him a little to make him laugh harder. When he calms back down I keep tellin the story. "So they each grabbed a weapon and went after the big, scary monster. Julie never in her whole life fought something this big and tough, but she tried anyway." He can just tell by the change of my voice that a sad part is coming up. He cuddles more into his pillow, and it looks like he's trying to burrow into it or something.

"The monster turned out to be too strong, and she couldn't stop him. He hurt Rose really bad, and Julie wanted to save her, but Rose stopped her, she said." This time I don't try to do a funny British voice. "'Julie, you have to find the princess. The princess can help you kill him.' And with that Julie gave Rose a kiss goodbye, and ran as fast as she could. She ran, and ran, and she ran until her legs were too tired to run anymore. She found a farm, and even though she knew it was bad, she stole one of the horses." He shakes his head a little bit, and I wait in case he wants to say something, but he doesn't. "She took a horse named Buttercup." That makes him laugh a little. "And she rode all night until she finally got to the town where the princess lived."

"What's the princess' name?" he asks. Why does this kid wanna know everyone's names? Honestly, does it really matter? But he's the one who's sick so I guess I gotta answer the question. We always pamper the kids when they're sick. Hmmm, maybe we should stop doin that? Nah, everyone should be pampered and babied when they're sick, especially if they got an ear infection. Those things suck. I remember I got one every winter until I was about ten or so, and they were fuckin brutal. I would cry, and cry all night long, and my dad would sit in his recliner, and let me curl up in my lap, and I'd lay with my head on his chest, and listen to his heartbeat 'cause it was the only sound that didn't make my ear drums feel like they were gonna pop. I remember once one of my ear drums did pop, and all this nasty, yellow shit started oozing outta my ear. I did feel a little better though 'cause all the pressure was gone.

"Ummmm……her name is………Alexis. Princess Alexis." Sounds good enough to me. I guess it does for him too 'cause he doesn't say anything about it. "So the peasant girl rode on her stolen horse all night until she found the town that Princess Alexis lived in. She was very nervous about meeting the princess because Rose had told her many, many stories." I could probably add about five more manys to that but I won't. "About the princess, and she didn't want the princess to be mean to her just because she was a peasant girl. But she knew she had to find her because the monster was hot on her trail, and would be in town very soon." He yawns a big ol' yawn, and I can see his tonsils. I can't help but smile. He's just so damn cute sometimes. I stick my finger in his mouth while he's still yawning, and touch his tongue. He gives me the biggest death glare I've ever seen, and I start crackin up.

"I'm sorry, Moose, you know I'm weird," I say and he nods his head. I'm not sure if I should laugh or be offended. I think I'll just go with continuing the story. "Anyway, the peasant girl found a place to stay, and a barn to keep her horse in." Wow, I really suck at this whole fairy tale thing. I'm starting to bore myself to sleep. Joey looks like he's about to crash though. Maybe I should keep telling it so he will pass out. I don't want him up for much longer. I know it's still a little early, but he's in pain, and I want him to fall asleep as fast as possible. Would it be wrong to give him cough medicine to make him fall asleep faster? He's not coughing, and he hasn't said anything about his ear hurting so I think it would. If he starts crying about it or his fever gets worst then I'll give him something. I guess I could skip some parts, and move things along.

"So the peasant girls find the princess one night while she's out in the kingdom with her friends. They talk, and have some drinks, and something to eat, but the princess doesn't really like the peasant because she's just so cool, and the princess is a little stuck up, and dull." Well, I'm not exactly wrong on that one. B didn't like me at first 'cause I was all with the false bravado, and awesome stories, and she felt threatened 'cause she thought her friends were gonna think I was cooler. And they totally did. She was too busy being caught up in the drama that was her and Angel, and I was a breath of fresh, sexy air. I even had Will droolin over me a little. "But then a couple of days later the big, scary monster finds the town, and starts looking for the peasant girl." I use my dramatic voice, but he looks like he's ready to pass out so I don't get too much of a reaction.

"The peasant girl got really scared, and wanted to run away again. She didn't think the princess would help her fight the monster because the princess didn't like her very much. But then, right before she was about to leave, the princess showed up at her place, and started yelling at her for bein such a scaredy-cat. The peasant girl was just about to say sorry to the princess for trying to run away, when there's a knock on the door. She opens it up………and the monster is right outside." I don't yell, but I do raise my voice a little, and sound all jazzed up. His eyes get a little wider and he's paying attention now for sure. "They climbed out the back window, and ran as fast as they could. They needed to get some weapons if they were going to fight a monster this big. But the big monster had smaller monsters helping him out, and they chased the princess and the peasant girl into this big building." He seems wide awake now. He's either faking or he's gonna be up for a long time.

"Alexis and Julie beat up a lot of the little monsters before the big one got there. They tried, and they tried, and they _tried_ to kill the monster but he was just too strong. Then the monster grabbed the princess by the neck, and held her off the ground. Seeing the monster hurting Princess Alexis like that made Julie very angry, so she picked up a huge piece of wood, and ran at him when he wasn't looking. The piece of wood went through his heart." I put my finger over Joey's heart and gently press down. He giggles a little, but when he calms down he looks a little awestricken by the story. Yep, I still go it. "And the monster burst into a million little pieces, and the rest of the smaller monsters ran away in fear because they knew they couldn't mess with the princess, and the peasant girl." He rolls his eyes a little bit, and I roll mine right back, and he sighs. He's going through a phase were only boys can beat up bad guys. He was definitely born into the wrong family if he thinks that.

"After the big fight, the two girls went out for some food, and after that night they were great friends, and the princess even had the peasant girl move into her castle, and they lived happily ever after, and all that jazz. The end." I really need to stop saying the word jazz when I'm not talking about music. It's starting to get really fuckin annoying. "So, was that a good story?" He nods his head a little, but that serious look is back. I wonder what he's thinking about. Around bedtime he usually asks a bunch of questions about all the little things that are runnin around his head, and most of 'em ain't so little. I don't know where he comes up with it, but this kid can ask some pretty heavy shit. "You doin ok, Moose?" He nods his head and scoots a little closer to me. I wrap my arm around him a little tighter. "Does your ear hurt really bad?" He nods his head, but he doesn't say anything. I don't think he's really listening to what I'm saying. I think he's just nodding his head 'cause I'm askin a question.

"Mama, where'd the dogs go?" he asks, and his voice sounds so small. That's a question he's asked every day since I had Tucker put to sleep. After Ruby died, everyone was kinda shocked, and Addy was so fuckin sad all the time 'cause _her_ dog died. She didn't understand why it was her dog that had to die. When I put Tucker down everyone, even Buffy, was so pissed off, and depressed. Mattie wouldn't talk to me for two whole weeks, Addy got really quiet and just wanted to play in her room, and Joey started stutterin 'cause of all the stress. The stutter went away on its own, and it hasn't come back, but he just can't accept that they're gone. Little kids can't gasp the concept of death, and usually B handles this one. I'm too chicken shit to answer this question. But it looks like tonight I'm gonna have to.

"They went away, Joey. They're gone, and they're not gonna come back," I tell him, and his little lip starts to stick out. He's pretty close to tears, and it's not just from my answer. His ear is probably hurtin like a bitch right now. "Hey, buddy, you ok?" He shakes his head no, and I gently pull him to me. I wrap both arms around him nice and tight, and he nuzzles my neck. Ok, I guess it's time I give him some of that medicine. I can feel some tears brush against my skin. "Hey, don't cry. It's ok." I gently rub his back, and make some soft little shushing sounds. We've been doing those to calm the kids down since they were babies so it usually helps. He starts squirmin around so I loosen my grip on him. He backs away from me, but not very far. Just far enough so he can see my face. He looks really sad.

"I miss Matt," he says, and it damn near breaks my heart. His voice sounds all wet, and strained 'cause he's crying. I hug him to me again and keep making those sounds. He's sobbing now, and I don't know what to say to calm him down. Mattie's never been gone this long before, and we all miss him. He can't just come back though. He said he wanted to help Brooke for a little while, so he'll be back for good when she's settled. He's coming back no matter what for Christmas. That was nonnegotiable. But that's not for a couple of weeks. I need to focus on what's happening right now.

"I know you miss him. We all miss him," I say, and rub his back some more. His head feels so much hotter, and I don't know if it's from the fever or from him crying but he's definitely getting some medicine after he calms down. Even if he's passed out, I'll wake him up so he can take some. The cough medicine has a pain killer in it so that'll help his ear a little bit, and maybe he'll get some rest, and not just sleep. "I know he's gonna be gone for a while, but he's coming back at Christmas, and Christmas isn't that far away. You'll get to see him really soon. And when he gets back we can take our blankets in the living room, and watch movies, and eat popcorn, and stay up really late, and camp out together, does that sound good?" He nods his head yes, and I can't help but smile. I thought he'd like that one.

It takes him a little while to calm down, but when he does I give him some of the cough medicine. As soon as his little head is back on the pillow, he's out like a light. I go into my room, and change into my pjs. I guess B overheard some of that conversation 'cause she looks a little upset now. She hates that Mattie's gone, and she hates that it's affecting our babies. I comfort her a little bit, but there's not much I can do. She isn't gonna feel better until Mattie gets home. But I have to try 'cause I'm not a dick. Ignoring her when she's obviously upset would be a dick move, and I try not to do that nowadays. The whole time I'm holding her, and whisperin my little sweet nothings my mind is preoccupied. I'm worried about Joey, and I'm gonna sleep in his bed tonight.

Ok, so sleep's probably not the right word, but not being near him while he's so upset, and sick is gonna drive me crazy. I gotta be there when he wakes up in case he needs me. He's already such a guy, and he's not even four yet. By that I mean he doesn't share his emotions a lot. When he gets mad at Addy for doin somethin to him he'll snitch on her real fast, but getting him to talk about why he's sad is usually like pullin teeth with nothin but your fingers, and you don't have slayer strength. He's so closed off, and I worry about him. I worry 'cause sometimes he gets overlooked. He keeps most of his emotions bottled up, and me and B sometimes forget how upset he can get about stuff. I just feel like I need to make it all better. Like I gotta do whatever it takes to make him happy again. Fuck, if this is what Buffy felt like when she was still babyin him no wonder if went on for so damn long.

BPOV

Today has just not been my day. Oh, you wanna know why? Alright, here it goes. I didn't get hardly any sleep last night because Faith slept in Joseph's bedroom. I know that longing makes the heart grow fonder, and all that crap. Couples need their time apart to miss each other or else they're doomed, but I've been needy, and I couldn't fall asleep because she wasn't there. I didn't wake up when my alarm went off, so I didn't wake up until fifteen minutes after I normally do. Now, it doesn't sound like a big deal, but Addison has school today, and since I was late getting up, she was late getting up. She hates it when she has to rush to get ready, and by the time we left the house so I could walk her down to the bus stop, she was in a pretty bad mood. That probably means she's going to be in a bad mood when she gets home, and I'll have to mediate between her and Faith because those two fight like rabid dogs.

Let's see, what else? Oh, it looks like Joseph has a really bad ear infection. I called the doctor this morning, and the soonest they can get us in is this Thursday, but the doctor said it sounds like an ear infection. He's no worse then he was last night, but we're kind of in a tough spot because he can't go to daycare, and I have to go to this stupid meeting with that stupid building inspector to make sure everything is up to the stupid code. Faith really needs to go into work because if we're going to have Christmas this year then she needs to finish those bikes with her dad. At first I was freaking out, but then she told me that Joseph can go to work with her, and sleep in her office. She has a little TV, and DVD player in there, and a cot with a pillow, and some blankets. Yeah, that's how much she works at that shop. Sometimes she stays too late, and she's too tired to drive home so she'll just sleep there. She hasn't done that in a long time though.

Anyway, I don't know if it's because of the ear infection, or if Joseph has something else at the same time, but he threw up on me when I got home from dropping Addison off. Faith finished making breakfast, and I went upstairs to get Joseph, and as soon as I picked him up he threw up all over me. It got on my neck, down my chest, and it leaked down to my stomach and thighs. The poor little guy was so embarrassed he started crying, so I was trying to comfort him, and not puke at the same time. I yelled for Faith and she came running upstairs like the house was on fire or something. She had to clean off Joseph while I ran into our bedroom and took a shower. After I got dressed and blow dried my hair, I went back into his room and cleaned up the puke that got on the carpet. And since Faith was giving Joseph a bath she forgot to run downstairs and turn the burners off on the stove, so our breakfast was completely ruined. Could this day get any worst? Because I'm thinking: no.

All of that happened about an hour ago. Faith decided to skip work for today, and she's taking Joseph to a different doctor who could see him today. I'd rather use our pediatrician because she's been seeing Joseph since he was a baby, but if something is really wrong then we need to know what so they can give him some medicine to make him feel better. I hate it when the kids throw up, not only because it's disgusting to deal with, but because it takes so much out of them. And honestly, who likes throwing up? I just want my babies to be healthy, and happy. I hate that I can't stay home with him today. Whenever the kids get sick I always baby them a lot. I sit with them, and read to them, and sometimes I'll even sleep in their beds with them. Since Matthew is older that doesn't really happen anymore. When he gets sick he likes to be left alone. Addison likes to sleep in our bed with us when she's not feeling well, and normally Joseph has me sleep in his bed, but he was mad at me last night.

I'm about to go upstairs, and clean up Addison's room a little bit when I hear the doorbell ring. It's only eleven in the morning, so who could that be? Yeah, all of that shit happened and it's not even noon. Anyway, I don't have to be at the meeting with the building inspector isn't until one. I told Faith that no matter what she's doing she has to be here in time to pick Addison up from the bus stop. It's just right down the street so she can walk home herself, and she knows where the hide-a-key is so she won't be locked out of the house, but seven is too young for kids to be home by themselves. Since I have a couple of hours to myself I was going to clean up the house a little bit. I can't just sit here and do nothing. That's not relaxing for me. I have to keep my mind busy somehow, and cleaning the house is a good way to pass the time. But I'm thankful for the distraction. It's not like I enjoy cleaning the house. I open the door, and I'm a little surprised.

"Sky? What are you doing here?" I ask, and wow that sounded horrible. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude. You wanna come inside?" I take a step back to let her walk passed me but she shakes her head. Sky doesn't really come over here by herself so this is a little odd. Don't get me wrong, I like Sky, and I'm glad Willow's found someone good enough who makes her so happy, but I've never spent a lot of one on one time with her before. The only other time she's just showed up like this was when she and Willow were fighting and she informed me that as Willow's best friend it's my job to talk some sense into her. Apparently, Sky wanted to paint the nursery green, but Willow wanted to paint it a light robin egg blue color, and Sky freaked out. She slept in our bed that night while Faith and I camped out in the living room. Gotta love those pregnancy hormones.

"No, I don't want to bother you," she says, and for some reason that makes me feel guilty. Does she think she's bothering me by just coming over? I don't want her to think that. Maybe we should have a girls' day. I'm thinking some kind of bonding would be best. I don't want her to think that we can't spend time together.

"You're not bothering me. I have plenty of time to spare," I say and turn on the friendliness. She looks hesitant, and she doesn't move forward to come inside. Ok, so I have plenty of time to spare, but maybe she doesn't.

"Thanks, but that's alright. I just wanted to drop this off," she says, and smiles a little. She seems a little…off, but I'm not going to ask about it. I don't want to offend her or anything. She pulls an envelope out of her back pocket and hands it to me, and I open it up. There's a card inside, and I pull it out, and read it. I probably shouldn't do this right in front of her, but oh well. Anyway, the card says that I am invited to the Campbell-Rosenberg baby shower that is this Sunday at two o'clock. Wait, why did I not know this?

"Your last name is Campbell?" I ask and look up at her with a slightly amused look on my face. She nods her head and she looks a little confused. "Campbell, like the soup?" Ok, now she looks a little irritated. Come on, it was funny. "Sorry. You've probably heard that joke." She nods her head a little.

"Kind of a lot," she says and shifts her weight a little. There's kind of an awkward pause, and she looks like she wants to say something. I kinda raise my eyebrows at her, and she sighs. I know she wants to say something, and now she knows I know she wants to say something. "I know you're probably busy today, but I was wondering if I could borrow your car for a little while." Huh? "We only have one car, and Willow's at work, and I'm going a little stir crazy. You've been pregnant twice so you know what it's like." I do know what it's like. When you're a slayer and you get pregnant you're taken off active duty. That means no patrols, and for a slayer that feels like being locked up.

"I get that," I say and I kinda pick at the corner of the card. I feel for her because since Sky got pregnant she quit her job, she's been taken off active duty, and she's home alone for most of the day. That has to be pretty depressing. But at the same time I have that meeting I need to go to. But my studio isn't that far from here. It's only a twenty minute walk, and today is a really nice day. It isn't too hot so I won't be all sweaty when I get there, and it's not like I'm out of shape or anything. I'm a slayer. A twenty minute walk will feel like nothing. And if something else horrible happens to me this morning and I am a little late I could always just run there.

"Yeah, ok," I say, and pull the keys out of my pocket. I don't like keeping them in my purse or else they get lost on the bottom. "Have it back by six, ok?" I hand the keys over, and she has a relieved smile on her face.

"Thank you so much. I'll make it up to you, I swear," she says, and she sounds all excited. I've never seen Sky look so……bubbly before. It's pretty cute, and I can see why Willow fell for her. Well, that and the fact that they spent so much time together. Sky was really there for her after Kennedy left, and I've never really thanked Sky for that. I guess I'm going to have to buy her a really awesome Christmas present this year.

"Don't worry about it. You can pay me back by coming over for dinner sometime. You and Will haven't been over in a while." We used to try and spend as much time together as possible because we're friends and that's just what friends do. But I guess life just kinda got in the way.

"Well this weekend is the baby shower," she says, and rubs her belly a little. She gets that look on her face that I know all too well. It's the look of the first time mom. Everything is new and so exciting right now. I remember that feeling, and I remember what Faith looked like every time she would stop and take a moment to feel that. "But next weekend I'm sure we could make it. I'll have to check with Willow, though, and make sure she doesn't have any plans." I nod a little bit and she looks a little anxious. I guess she's just eager to get out of here.

"Well, have fun in town. Stop at PJ's and eat a vanilla milkshake for me," I say with a small smile. PJ's has the best milkshakes on the planet. I would ask her to buy me one before she brings the car back, but that will end badly. If I get a milkshake, then the kids will want a milkshake, and since I'm not going to run to PJ's to get them one they'll be all pouty and whiney. So it's best to just wait. We eat a PJ's once every couple of weeks, so it won't be long before I can have one.

"Ok, I'll remember that," she says and we say our goodbyes. I watch her walk down the steps, and then shut the door. Well that was certainly…interesting. Maybe I should've made sure Sky has a license before I gave her the keys. Have I ever seen Sky drive a car before? Hmmm……I think ignorance is bliss on this one. I'm insured so if she does crash it, it'll be fine. I glance over at the clock and sigh a very heavy sigh. It's only eleven thirteen. My meeting with the building inspector isn't until one. What the hell am I going to do until then? I should leave about twelve thirty since I'm going to be walking. I wanna get there a little early and make sure everything is put away where it should be. Sometimes I don't put the mats and equipment back where it's supposed to go in the storage closet. I've been to the studio a couple of times to check the mail, and get some papers out of my desk, but I can't remember if everything was put away or not.

Well, since I have nothing better to do I might as well go clean up Addison's room a little. We have the kids keep their rooms clean, but she likes to hide her dirty laundry under the bed and in her closet instead of putting it in the hamper at the end of the hallway like she's supposed to. Faith and I aren't clean freaks or anything like that. We don't care if the kids leave a few toys on their floor, but when their rooms start to look like a tornado just passed through then they have to clean up. They don't like it and there's always whining and fighting, but eventually it gets done. But if I don't get all of the clothes that Addison squirrels away in her room and put them in the hamper then she runs out of clothes to wear, and she ends up having to wear the kinds scrubby clothes that we keep for when we do things that are a little messy. This way we don't have to worry about her staining her good school clothes.

Whoa, what the hell? I brace myself against the wall as a wave of dizziness hits me. I feel like the entire room is spinning, and I think I'm going to be sick. What the fuck is going on? Why is this happening? I try to keep myself up but there's nothing on the wall for me to hold onto, and I fall to the ground. A shooting pain starts at my temples and spreads throughout my entire body. My skin feels like it's tightening so tight that it's ripping and I scream out in pain. This is the worst type of pain I've ever felt. Worst then jumping through that portal and dying; worst then any demon that has gotten the best of me. It's even worst then giving birth. I manage to bite back the nauseousness, and gain a little control with the breathing in the nose and out the mouth technique. Who knew those few hours on a sail boat when I was on my honeymoon would come in handy? 'Cause I sure didn't.

As the dizziness starts to fade, the edges of my vision start to blacken. Everything around me is getting bigger, and the ripping feeling in my skin is going away. I fight as hard as I can to stay awake but I can feel myself slipping. If I have a concussion I might not wake up. I could slip into a coma and never wake up again. My eyelids get heavier and my determination to stay in the land of the non-comatose starts to weaken. I know I need to fight this but at the same time all I wanna do is take a little nap. It's not even noon and already I've had a horrible fucking day. Maybe if I do slip into a coma the Powers That Be will have some sympathy and give me a break. Yeah right, like they'd ever do that. As consciousness slips from me and my eyelids close the only thing I can think is: I hope I don't wake up in a coma.

"Addy, go put your toy back in your room," I hear a voice booming from somewhere. Jesus, where am I, Mount Olympus? That's what I imagine Zeus' voice would be like. I never imagined it would make my ears ring. Or maybe that's a concussion. Do I have a concussion? I don't think I do. Then again crazy people don't know that they're crazy until someone sane comes along and tells them that they are. Where was I going with this? Crap, maybe I'm losing my memory too. Ok, Buffy just stay calm. The only way you're going to figure any of this out is if you actually open your eyes and find out where you are. I slowly open my eyes and blink against the harsh light. I must be in the land of giants because everything around me is like a thousand times bigger then me, but it all looks strangely familiar.

"Ok, Mom. Geez, you don't have to yell," another voice booms from the opposite direction. This one sounds closer, and not as deep as the other one. I slowly stand up and test the reliability of my legs. Usually when I have a concussion my legs don't like to hold me up, but I guess I don't have one since I'm not falling back onto the floor. I feel a rumbling, like an earthquake or something, and very slowly turn around. Oh. My. God. My eyes go wide in shock, fear, and disbelief as a giant, humongous, monstrously large, crazy big Addison comes walking towards me. Ok, I have to be dreaming. I'm dreaming about being in a land of giants, and soon I'm going to wake up and everything will be normal. "They always yell at me ta do stuff like I'm a servant girl." She lets out a big dramatic sigh, and shakes her head just enough to make her curls bounce a little. Nope, I'm definitely not dreaming. Fuck.

"Addison!" I yell as loud as I can, and her head snaps down. She has a look of total confusion right now and if this situation weren't so damn horrible it would be pretty cute. I need her to take me to Faith. I'm so small it will take me forever to find her, and I want to be normal as soon as possible. Once Addison takes me to Faith, Faith can take me to Willow and she can work her magic and make me as good as new. If she can get rid of that horrible tattoo a demon gave me a few years ago I'm sure she can reverse whatever spell was put on me. "Addison!" I walk up to her and she watches me the entire time. I can practically see the wheels turning in her little head. Well, her giant head, but once I'm back to normal it'll look little again.

"Did Aunt Willow forget to un-magic my Barbie dolls?" she says and it sounds like she's talking more to herself then she is to me. I can't help but roll my eyes. Sometimes when Willow comes over she and Addison will throw a tea party and Willow will put a spell on Addison's dolls to make them come to life for a little while so they can actually be a part of the tea party. Yeah I know, I have a very strange family and group of friends but that's not the issue right now. The issue at the moment is how to get my daughter to take me to my wife. Or have Addison bring Faith to me. I don't really care which as long as Faith takes me to Willow.

"I'm not a doll, Addison. It's me." I don't have to yell because her slayer hearing is better then mine. I forgot about that earlier. I really don't want to yell or else I'll lose my voice, and that would be of the bad. I'm definitely going to need my voice if I'm going to get Faith to take me to Willow. Anyway, Addison still looks a little confused. This must be denial or something. Or maybe her little kid brain just can't wrap itself around what's happening. "I'm your mom, Addison. Someone shrunk me, ok? Can you hear what I'm saying?" I guess so because her eyes just got about five times bigger then they were before, and she looks a little pale. I hope she doesn't pass out. She could hurt herself pretty bad, or land on me and then I'd die and that would also be bad.

"Mom?" she asks, and she sounds so confused. I guess this is something her little mind just can't wrap around. "Holy shit." She takes a step forward and I frown. I would scold her for that but I guess the circumstances are crazy enough for me to let it slide. "How did you get all small like that? Did you try to cast a spell? Did it blow up in your face? Aunt Willow says you hafta be careful when you cast spells 'cause if the smoke blows up in your face you can go blind." I can't stop myself from rolling my eyes and shaking my head. I have the craziest kid on the planet. "What? It's true, Mom. Aunt Willow knows everything about magic." That's why I need to get to her so she can change me back. I sigh and rub my face with both of my hands. This headache isn't going away, and this conversation is beyond frustrating at this point.

"I wasn't trying to cast a spell, Addison. Just go get Mom, ok? I need her to take me to Aunt Willow so she can fix me," I say and I try as hard as I can to keep the frustration out of my voice, but it's really hard. I get that this is strange to her, and she has all these questions, but if this is a curse there could be a time limit. Like if I don't get it reversed in the next fifteen minutes I could be like this forever. I know in the past I've said, to myself at least, that sometimes when Faith and I make love it feels like we're trying to consume each other, to crawl inside and become one person. But now that it's physically possible for me to crawl inside my wife, it doesn't seem so appealing. For one thing I could get stuck or something, and how would she get me out, use the hose on the vacuum cleaner? Ok, I so need to stop thinking about that.

I tense up when I see the look on her face. I don't think she's ever looked more like Faith in her entire life, and I don't mean that in a good way. I mean in a way that reminds me of that night back in Sunnydale when Faith tied me up and was about to torture me. That little twinkle she got in her eye when she started thinking about all of the things she was going to do to me, and the little smile it brought to her face, that's exactly how Addison looks right now and to say it's unnerving is a total understatement. I don't think I want to know what she's thinking. I just want to get back to my normal size. Not only is this very freaky, and horrible in so many ways, but I only have one outfit in this size and it's the one I'm wearing so if I don't get turned back soon I'll be sleeping in these, and wearing them tomorrow which is pretty gross.

"I wanna do somethin' first," she says and takes a step towards me. I can feel the floor rumble beneath my feet, and a cold shiver runs down my spine. I take about five steps backwards and glace around quickly. I feel like a trapped rat, and she's a hungry predator waiting to strike. And I know what feeling like a trapped rat is really like because I was turned into one before. Remember Amy's spell when she was all crazy because of Xander's backfired spell? I didn't talk to her for weeks after that. It took me five days to get the smell of vermin out of my hair.

"No Addison. You can't do anything first. This is serious. Now get your mother right this minute," I say and try to sound like commander-Buffy. You remember commander-Buffy right? She's calm, and cool, and in charge, and everyone respects her? Well I think I would have pulled it off a little better if I wasn't fearing for my well being. The little tremble in my voice is what really gave away that I'm terrified. And I have a good reason to be. You've never seen Addison play with her toys so you have no idea why I'm getting like this. She can be downright evil. Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration, but she isn't always nice. I once saw her get so frustrated with one of her Barbie's because she couldn't get the hands through the lacey sleeves of the swan princess dress that she ripped the arms off and then put the dress on. I'd like to keep all of my appendages, thank you very much.

"Ok," she says a little too sweetly for my liking. "Mama!" I cover my ears and wince at the sudden pain in my head. Oh when I get put back to normal size I am so going to duct tape her mouth shut. "I need to tell you something!" When the ringing my head becomes tolerable I take my hands away from my ears. I look into her eyes and I know why she has that bratty expression on her face. Faith has a meeting tonight with a client, which means she's going to want to be ready hours in advance so she can get out the door as fast as possible, which means she's not going to be coming out of our bedroom for at least forty-five minutes. And she says I'm the "girl" of this relationship. Whatever.

"Addy I'm tryin to get ready, you can tell me somethin later," Faith yells back and my blood runs cold. Ok, so not literally or I would probably die or have a heart attack or something, but you know what I mean. "And that doll better be back in your room or I'm throwin' it in the garbage." Oh God, she just had to add that part, didn't she? Addison's smile can only be described as devilish. I start backing away slowly but I know it's no use. Even if I tried to out run her there's no way I'd be able to. Not only is she like, a thousand times bigger then me, but all of the doors are closed so there's nowhere for me to hide.

"Ok, Mama," the demon child says in a tone that is way too sweet. Why isn't Faith picking up on any of this?! She should know by now that if Addison wants to tell us something and we tell her no she freaks out and says that we never pay attention to her. Nothing with Addison is ever that easy, Faith should know that! Addison laughs a little bit and it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. This is so not good. I turn and run for it, but before I can get ten steps she grabs me around my waist and picks me up. She's not hurting me or anything, just holding me tight enough that I can't get away. And trust me, I'm struggling like hell to get away. I'm clawing at her fingers, and trying to pry them off me, but nothing is working. She starts walking towards her bedroom and now I'm completely panicking.

"No, no, no!" I scream, but my tiny voice goes unnoticed. I feel like Woody on Toy Story when he and Buzz were in that backpack and being taken up to the psycho kid's room. I have no idea what she's going to do to me in that room. And once she closes the door I'll have absolutely no way out. I'll be trapped in there with her for God knows how long being subjected to who knows what kind of torture. I should have stayed in bed today! "Faith! Faith! FFFFFAAAAAIIIITTTTHH!" I scream at the top of my lungs as she enters the room, praying against all odds that Faith will somehow hear me, or sense that I'm in trouble. Our slayer connection has gotten stronger over the years since we've become so emotionally close, and sometimes we joke about her being a little like Lassie because sometimes when I'm in distress she'll call me, or come into whatever room of the house I'm in, all worried and wanting to cheer me up. I sigh and give up all hope when Addison shuts her bedroom door. She is so grounded when I get back to normal size.

(Addison's Bedroom: 3:15 P.M.)

I don't know how long I've been here. Hours, days maybe? Ok, so I know it hasn't been that long. For one thing, Faith would start to worry that I haven't come home yet, which means she thinks I'm still at the meeting with the building inspector. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm locked up here for the rest of my life. Addison is apparently planning on keeping me locked in her room like a hamster or something. I didn't really think it would go like this when she brought me in here. I wasn't expecting a torture chamber hidden in the back of her closet or anything, but this? Definitely wasn't expecting this. I was expecting her to dress me up in Barbie clothes since those are now my size……except for the boobs. Barbie definitely has a bigger rack then me. Anyway, I was expecting to be dressed in Barbie clothes, and forced to play tea party with Addison and some of her toys.

I totally wasn't expecting to be tied up like a prisoner and forced to just sit here on her bed. I have no idea what she's doing, but she's been doing it for hours. Ok, again, it just seems like hours. I'm sure it's only been a couple of minutes. I don't know if it's because I'm so small, but my perception of time is definitely off. I don't think it has to do with the fact that I'm being held against my will. When that demon took me hostage and planned to impregnate me with his evil offspring time didn't seem to drag on like this. Then again for most of that time I was in and out of consciousness. I mean, sure there was the intense horniness, and the demon doing weird stuff to me, but it really didn't seem like I was there that long. Then again my wife wasn't RIGHT DOWN THE HALL so maybe that's also factoring into the time thing. All she has to do is come check on Addison, she'll see me, take me to Willow, and everything will be put back the way it's supposed to be.

I mean, she's not only my wife, but she's the only slayer in the world that I have this deep connection with. She's come running to me before like Lassie when all I had was a paper cut! Now that I'm actually in serious trouble she's nowhere to be found. Ok, so she can be found. She's in our bedroom getting dressed up for the meeting she has tonight with that big client. She's applying make up and I'm stuck in Hell. I never really imagined Hell would look like this. I think the most common thing people imagine is a place with lots of fire, and brimstone, and demons running around torturing people, and the devil sitting on a large thrown overlooking it all, and laughing like some crazy maniac. Whenever I picture Hell what comes to mind is an endless line at Starbucks. People who have already purchased their coffee and walk by, sipping at their hot beverages with a look of satisfaction on their face while I'm stuck, going nowhere fast, craving nothing but my hot cup of yummy calories that are going to get me through the day.

Ok, Buffy, stay focused. Addison stops whatever she was doing at the little table, and walks over to the closet. On top of the table is the doll house Faith bought her for her birthday a couple years ago. I have no idea what she's been doing that to dollhouse but I think I have a pretty good idea. I think she's been moving things around, getting it ready for me. Addison is planning on keeping me locked up in her dollhouse like a pet gerbil. I'm going to be forced to sleep on some uncomfortable plastic bed. Faith and I spent nearly two thousand dollars for our mattress, and it is the most comfortable thing in the freakin world. There is no way in hell I'm going to give up a Serta king to sleep on a plastic rectangle. I try to wiggle free for the thousandth time, but my bonds are tied too tight. Here I am, Buffy the greatest vampire slayer in the history of vampire slayers, and I've been completely immobilized by a shoe lace. I am so going to start training again as soon as I get out of here.

I watch as she grabs something from inside the closet, it looks like a box. I know I've seen it somewhere before but I can't for the life of me remember what's inside of it. Whenever I buy new shoes I always save the boxes and either use them to wrap Christmas gifts, or let the kids have them. I think I'm going to start giving them clear, plastic bags to put their things in because not knowing what's in that box is going to drive me crazy. It could be some type of torture device that she found, and now she wants to test it out. Wait, that's crazy. If she was going to experiment with it she would've tested it on the neighbor's cat first. Ok, Buffy, think. When was the last time I saw Mittens?.........What the hell am I doing? This is absolutely crazy. My daughter doesn't have a torture device hidden in her bedroom closet. She sets the box down on the little table, and takes off the lid. She reaches in, and time seems to be in slow motion as she pulls something out. I was wrong……she does have a torture device.

(Addison's Bedroom: 5:34 P.M.)

"How's this mom?" Addison asks and holds up yet another Barbie shirt. She's been putting together outfits for what feels like forever. She's been asking my opinion about every single thing, but I'm giving her the silent treatment. Maybe if I stay quiet she'll get frustrated and throw a tantrum. I know that doesn't sound like much, but when Addison throws a temper tantrum she goes way over the top, and her screaming, and stomping, and throwing things around will definitely get Faith's attention because nothing else has. "I think it's ugly." Good for you. "I think you have a real shirt just like it." She's been doing that a lot. Every time I don't react to something she says, she'll insult me a little to try and get a reaction, but I've been calm and collected. She goes back to rummaging through the big shoe box full of Barbie clothes and I go back to staring at the clock on the wall. I don't know why Faith hasn't come in here to check on Addison, but someone will be coming in here soon.

"I found the blue dress," she says and she sounds pretty excited. Great, not another dress. She's picked out seven other dresses already. "You'll look pretty in this one, Mom." Mmmhmmm, just like I'll look pretty in the white one, the pink one, the orange one with the white polka dots, the dark blue ball gown, the yellow sun dress, the green sun dress, and the red dress that looks like it was made for Street Walker Barbie, who comes complete with gonorrhea and a drug habit. I just keep my eyes focused on the clock. Judging by the sounds and smells coming from downstairs, Faith started cooking dinner about forty-five minutes ago. I have no idea what else she's making, but baked chicken is definitely on the menu. Which means, sometime very soon, either Faith or Joseph is going to come upstairs to tell Addison that dinner is ready. Hopefully it'll be Faith. Joseph already threw up on me once today, and with me being so small if he does it again I'll be completely covered in it.

"Addison," I say and I try to sound as nice as possible. That's a lot harder then it sounds considering how frustrated I am at the moment. "I'm getting hungry. Why don't you take me to the kitchen to get something to eat?" If the chicken is almost done baking then Faith is most likely in the kitchen right now making the side dishes. But, just like Faith, Addison isn't stupid. She just says a lot of dumb things sometimes. She's insanely smart, and I can just tell by the look on her face that she sees through my words and knows exactly what I'm trying to do.

"No, Mom. If you're hungry I'll bring you some stuff after dinner. Mama told me we're having chicken and squash." Seriously? Roasted chicken and butternut squash is the one thing that Faith loves to cook, and that I hate. Faith loves it, and I guess since she thinks I'm still at my meeting with the building inspector she can make what she wants without protest since the kids are also big fans of it. She doesn't make it that often, and whenever she does I do whine about it a little bit. Ok, so maybe I whine about it a lot, so she doesn't make it often because I don't like it, and now I feel like an ass. If she likes it so much I guess I can learn to like it. I mean, isn't compromise what a relationship is all about? Please don't answer that question.

"Why don't you just take me downstairs with you? Bringing me back leftovers makes me feel like a dog," I tell her and she gets a sad look on her face. I shouldn't have said that. I need to start thinking more before I speak. Say the word dog around any of the kids, and Faith, and they get pretty upset because the wounds of what happened to Ruby and Tucker haven't healed all the way yet. I know it's only been two months, but I thought they would be a little better then this. But I'm getting off topic again. "Addison, please, just take me to Mom, ok? You know I can't stay like this. It was just a mistake. I need to be changed back." And just when I'm finally starting to get through to her, the bedroom door opens. I turn my head as much as I can but I can't really see the door from here. The look on her face is most annoyance so I know right away that it isn't Faith at the door.

"Get out of my room, Joe!" she yells, but I hear Joseph's footsteps moving further into the room instead of out. He never listens to her, and sometimes it's pretty funny watching the two of them interact. But when they fight like this it's never really that fun. Especially now that I'm only twelve inches tall, and their voices are creating a constant ringing in my ears. I'll be lucky to come out of this without any type of hearing damage.

"Don't yell at me!" he yells back and again I feel like my head is going to explode. I can't even lift my hands up to cover my ears because Addison has my arms tied to my sides. Oh, this so fucking sucks. "Mama says it's time ta eat." There's a little pause and I can just tell by the angry look on Addison's face that Joseph has spotted me. "What's that?" There's so much confusion in his little voice it's almost cute. Almost being the key word in that sentence. If I was just an outsider looking in I'd think it was cute.

"It's not anything. Get out or I'm gonna hit you," she says and takes a couple of steps towards him. I don't know if it's because they're slayers or little kids but they hit each other a lot. Matthew never hit Addison as much as she hits Joseph, but I think that's because he's six years older then she is. If he were to haul off and smack her he'd definitely get more then just a time out.

"Addison, you know you're not supposed to make threats," I say in my 'mom voice'. I guess that voice still means something to her because the look on her face just went from really angry to less intense. If the 'mom voice' still works, maybe I can get Joseph to run get Faith. He decided a while ago that he's my little helper-buddy. Whenever I ask him to do something he usually does it just to make me happy. Great, my son is acting like a border collie just to get attention. Am I the worst mom ever, or what?

"Mommy?" Joseph asks, and I can hear him walking towards me. But before he reaches the bed, Addison runs forward and places herself between Joseph and the place I'm being held captive. I use all my strength to wiggle around, and turn myself so I can see the two of them. If I were normal sized I'd be able to see both of them, but since I'm not all I can see is Addison's back. Great, how am I supposed to mediate the situation when both kids are way bigger then me? You can jump in any time with an answer if you want.

"It's not Mommy, now get out!" Addison yells again, and I wince at the pain. Ok, this needs to stop now before my ear drums explode. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I don't think ear drums grow back. I need to do something before that fear becomes a reality.

"Addison, don't yell. You're going to make my ears bleed," I say in the 'mom voice' again. She whips around really fast and looks at me like I just grew a second head or something. It's nice to know she cares about my well being. And no, I'm not being sarcastic. If I had said that and she didn't react at all, or just didn't care then I would be worried. "Joseph, go downstairs and tell Mom to come up here." He tries to leave, but Addison grabs onto his shirt. Both of them start screaming at each other, and the pain is so horrible I think I'm going to pass out. My ears feel like they're going to pop from all of the pressure the noise is causing. At least it feels like a pressure, pushing against the insides of my ears, invading my brain and making it feel like it's expanding, trying as hard at it can to push passed the barrier of my skull.

"Hey!" one voice rings out above all the other noise, and I'm pretty sure my ears are bleeding now. "What the hell is going on in here?" I open my eyes and look up to see Faith standing a couple feet away from the kids, with her hands on her hips and an irritated look on her face. And there she is: my knight in dark denim. Both of the kids freeze and no one says a word for what feels like forever. The ringing in my head won't go away, and now there's this painful throbbing in my temples. I think after Willow changes me back I'm going to take a bunch of pain killers and just pass out for a couple of days. That sounds like heaven right about now.

"Faith!" I yell and start struggling against the pink shoe lace that's been keeping me confined for the last…however long I've been stuck here. It's been at least a couple of hours because the sun is almost completely set. "Faith, help me!" She looks over at me and her eyes bug out. Both of the kids start talking again, each getting louder and louder with every word as they try to talk over each other, and I wince in pain. Faith shushes them and thankfully they both listen. "Faith, please." She steps forward and nudges the kids out of her way. Addison starts protesting but again Faith shushes her. Normally Addison is very combative with Faith but I guess she knows she's in a lot of trouble and should just be quiet.

"B?" she says and gets down on her knees, and now we're eye level. "B, is that you?" I keep struggling against the shoe lace, and all she does is smile. She's smiling at me? I've been turned into a living, breathing Barbie doll and all she does is smile at me? She can be such a bitch sometimes. I glare at her, and she chuckles a little. "Yep, definitely you." I'm not sure if I should be offended by that or not. Oh well, I'll be mad about it later. "What the hell happened to you?" She reaches out and starts to untie the knot. I go completely still and wait.

"I don't know. I think someone cast a spell or something. That or we really need to test the tap water," I say and she chuckles again. "This isn't funny, Faith." I can see how it would be funny, but right now I have horrible rope burns on my arms, my head feels like an elephant stepped on it, my ears still have an annoying, painful buzzing sound in them, and I really need to pee. At this moment I have no sense of humor. "Please, just get me to Willow ok? She'll know what to do." She gets the knot untied and very gently pulls the shoe lace off of me. I sigh a huge breath of relief, and stretch out my sore limbs.

"I thought you had a meeting at the studio, and your car's gone how did you get back here?" she asks, and holds out her hand. I grab onto the tip of her middle finger with both hands, and pull myself up. I brush myself off, and shake my head a little. I really wish this buzzing sound would stop. It would probably go away faster if she stopped talking, but I get that she's confused and has a lot of questions. I would have a lot of questions too if I saw that she had been miniaturized.

"Sky stopped by and asked to borrow it. The studio isn't far, and it was a nice day so I decided to walk there. But something happened, something did this to me." I look into her huge brown eyes, and most of the amusement she has in them disappears. I guess now that she sees how upset I am she's starting to take this seriously. Good, I don't want to be the only one who doesn't think this is funny. Because this is so not funny. This isn't even close to funny. "Please, Faith, just take me to Willow's house, ok?" She nods her head a little bit, and runs a hand through her hair. Then she looks at me again, and she has a little twinkle in her eyes.

"You wanna ride in my cleavage?" she asks in that mischievous tone. I have the world's most retarded girlfriend. Ever. Look up the record for the planet's most retarded girlfriend and you'll see picture of Faith, with a big dumb smile on her face, and her hand shoved down her pants. I sigh in frustration, and I feel like ripping my hair out. Why does she have to do this to me? Why is everything such a big joke with her? I sigh, and glance down at her chest. I sigh again and shake my head.

"Yes." It's a good thing I'm retarded too or we'd be a horrible match.


	83. CTFOER

_Compromise: The Foundation Of Every Relationship_

**Three Weeks Later.** BPOV

"Jesus B, would you calm down before you piss your pants? I just got the interior cleaned," Faith says and I can't help but laugh. It's not my fault I'm so damn excited. We're in Faith's car, obviously or she shouldn't be so worried about the interior, on our way to the airport. We're driving to the airport because Mathew is coming home today! So I have every right to be all giddy with joy. This is the longest he's ever been away from home, and I don't like it. I know eventually he's going to move out, but that won't happen until he goes off to Harvard, or Yale, or Oxford. Besides, she's just as excited as I am. She's just not shaking like one of those nervous Chihuahuas. I don't think I'm shaking because I'm so excited. I think I'm shaking because I had seven cups of coffee this morning.

"Come on, Faith, how can you not be excited? Our baby's coming home today," I tell her, and bounce a little more in my seat. What, did she miss the memo or something? She sighs, and grips the steering wheel a little tighter, and then relaxes her hands. Great, why is she all moody? There's no way in hell she's not happy that Matthew is coming home. She's missed him just as much as I have, maybe even more. Faith really, really loves sports, and so does Matthew. They watch all the games together, but since he's been gone she hasn't had anyone to watch with and I can just tell by the look on her face while she's watching that it just isn't the same. Joseph watches the games with her sometimes, but he doesn't really understand what's going on. Whenever Faith and Matthew watch together they usually end up yelling at the TV like the referee can actually hear them. Don't ask me which teams she's into because I go out of my way to not pay attention to that kind of stuff.

"He's not a baby anymore, B. You gotta stop treating him like one," she says and glances over at me. I roll my eyes and look out the window. Faith thinks I'm going to "ruin" the kids if I don't stop treating them the way I do. Ok, so she's only worried about Matthew being "ruined" since he's the oldest. She thinks if I don't stop "babying" him he's going to be a sissy when he's older. I'm his mother, it's my job to baby him at least a little. And being excited about him coming back is not babying. It's not like I'm going to pick him up and carry him to the car. I mean, I could if I really wanted to. I'm strong enough to do that because I'm a slayer, but that would be a little over the top. I sigh and glance over at her. I know what she's really pissed off about. She's just not saying it. I'll play things her way for now, but if she doesn't stop treating me like this then I'll bring it up.

"I'm just happy he's coming home," I say and I make sure my tone is light. Today is a good day. I don't want to ruin it with tension and moodiness. "It's Christmas Eve for God sakes. We shouldn't need a reason to be in a good mood." She doesn't say anything but her facial expression softens up a little bit. She's pissed off at me, there's no doubt about that. We got into a little…disagreement last night, and she's been in a bad mood ever since. Ok, so it was more then a little disagreement. Our lives just haven't been the same since the dogs died. We knew Tucker wasn't going to be around for much longer because he was getting really old, and keeping him alive when his quality of life was almost at zero wouldn't have been fair. We knew it was coming, but it was completely impossible to prepare for it. Ruby's death took everyone by surprise, and things just haven't been the same without either of them.

So I decided last week to get the kids a puppy for Christmas. I went behind her back because I knew she would never agree to it. You can't even say the word dog around Faith without her getting a little upset. She and Matthew are both still having a hard time with Tucker's death, but I really do believe the only way we're really going to move on is by bringing in another dog we can love. I'm not trying to replace the ones we lost, but we're eventually going to get another dog, and since it's been three months already, and Christmas is tomorrow so why not now? She wasn't supposed to find out about it, but Willow really can't keep a secret. It's not totally her fault. The puppies have been driving her a little crazy. I had every intention of only getting one puppy. I went on craigslist, and found an ad. I called the number that was listed, talked to Rick for about fifteen minutes, got his address, and drove out there the same day.

I only wanted one, but I ended up getting two. They're both girls. The bigger of the two is a German Shepherd mixed with…whatever dog jumped the fence and impregnated her. The smaller one is a Chihuahua, Dachshund mix. I had every intention of only getting the shepherd since she's the one I saw online. If we're going to have another dog I'd rather it be a big dog that will be able to protect the house, and the kids if anyone ever breaks in. But when I got there this little blonde puppy was running around, and she was so small and adorable, and the guy was also selling her, and there was no way I could say no. I knew Faith was going to freak out the moment I decided to buy that puppy too. Her hatred for small dogs is borderline psychotic, but I guess she'll just have to get used to it. She's surprised me with two dogs since we've been together. The way I see it we're even now.

Faith doesn't see it like that, obviously. I understand that Tucker was her first dog too, and Tucker really was Faith's dog. She bought him for Matthew, but the two of them ended up bonding very closely. Whenever Faith would leave Tucker would get very upset. He'd pace around the house, and whine, and it was like he could sense when she was coming home because about five minutes before she'd pull into the driveway he'd get excited and start barking and jumping around by the front door. Don't get me wrong, there's no doubt in my mind that Tucker would've given up his own life to protect Matthew, but to him Faith was "his" person. He even tried to drive a wedge between the two of us. He often was a wedge between the two of us until Faith stopped letting him sleep in our bed. So I completely understand that she misses her friend. But I really do believe the only way the kids are going to move on is if we get another pet for them to love.

How Faith found out just proves that we need more friends. She went over to Willow's house yesterday and asked if she could hide some Christmas presents, and when she saw the puppies Willow confessed that I bought them for the kids, and she's keeping them for me until tonight. After the kids are asleep I'm going to sneak them into the house. Willow told me they're already used to sleeping in their crates so they shouldn't whine in the middle of the might and wake the kids up. That would be bad. I probably should've told Willow that I hadn't told Faith about the puppies, and I wanted them to be a surprise for her too. But it totally slipped my mind. I thought that Faith would hide the presents for me at her dad's or something. She hasn't been going over to his house often as she used to. Hmmm, maybe they got into a fight? No, she definitely would've told me about that by now.

I glance over at her, and I can't help but smile. She may be all grumpy with me but she'll get over it. I'm not going to let her grumpiness spoil my good mood. It's Christmas Eve, my studio is finally open for business again, Faith made a pretty large profit by slightly over charging her clients so we can afford to pay the bills, the mortgage, buy groceries, buy Christmas presents for not only the kids but each other and our friends, and my baby boy is coming home. I can't think of a reason not to be happy. Well, other then the fact that my wife is pretty pissed off at me right now, but like I said, she'll get over it. I just hope she gets over it soon because this is something that we're not going to agree on right now. I want the kids to have the puppies and she doesn't. Well, I want the kids to have the shepherd mix puppy, but the little one is all mine. What? I've never had a dog before that I actually wanted, or wanted to take care of. Taking care of the dogs was always Faith's thing.

It doesn't take us long to get to the airport. Once we're there, I'm practically crawling out of my skin. My boy is coming home today! I'm excited if you couldn't tell that by now. I hop, yes hop, out of the car and make sure to gently shut the door. I really don't want to start a fight because I accidentally slammed her precious car door. I fall into step with her as we walk towards the airport, and there's a definite spring in my step that can't be missed. Well, a blind person wouldn't be able to see it, but everyone else can. I'm freakin happy, and there's nothing else to it. Faith is starting to relax a lot more now that we're here. I knew that she's excited about Matthew coming home. She was just trying to be all stiff upper lippy for whatever reason. Maybe she's giving up on going out of her way to be mad at me? Here's hoping.

"I think I'm gonna cut you off," Faith says and she smiles a little. I look over at her with a slightly confused expression. She just chuckles and squeezes my hand a little tighter. Yeah, she's actually holding my hand. I had to initiate it, but she didn't pull away from me. "Don't gimme that look Blondie, you know what I'm talkin about. You're bouncin off the fuckin walls so no more coffee for you." We both start laughing and I lean against her a little bit. I don't know what happened in the time it took us to get here from the car, but it's like she did a complete one eighty. Before she was so pissed off I thought we weren't going to make it here without at least a little bit of arguing, and now it's like nothing bad happened at all. And it's not like she's acting like nothing is wrong. Faith is a horrible liar, and I can tell when she does shit like that.

"That has nothing to do with it. I only had one cup of coffee this morning. We're out of milk and you know I have to have milk in my coffee." It's true, I'm extremely picky about my coffee and milk or cream is a must. "I'm just so damn excited. He's almost home, Faith. It feels like it's been years since I've seen him. Would it be weird to have Lee's Chinese Palace on Christmas Eve? We haven't had that in forever, and it's kinda 'our' place, ya know?" I ask, and she smiles a little bit. Ok, so maybe I did sound a little insane just now, but that's not really my fault. I only got like, three hours of sleep last night because I was too excited to sleep. Cognitive thought isn't my strong point at the moment. And no, it's not because I'm blonde, so shut up. "We're going to be cooking a big breakfast and a big dinner tomorrow so I don't really feel like cooking tonight. Picking up Lee's just makes sense."

"Tomorrow's gonna be crazy," Faith says and I have to agree. We're having more then a few people over tomorrow to celebrate this awesome holiday. The usual suspects will be there: Willow, Sky, Chris, Brittany, Gracie, plus Dawnie and her boys. I'm really sad that Xander can't spend Christmas with us anymore. But Katie and Xander have joint custody of Miranda and this year Xander gets her on Christmas morning, and then Katie gets her in the afternoon. The only way Xander would've been able to come is if he gave up spending part of Christmas with his daughter, and there's no way in hell that's going to happen. "I hope the twins don't get into the pies like last year." I can't help but laugh at that memory, even though at the time it wasn't funny at all. Nick and Alex have a way of sneaking off and going unnoticed. When the rest of us were distracted they went into the kitchen, climbed on top of the kitchen table and helped themselves to all of the pies that I slaved over.

"The look on your face was priceless," I say and start laughing even harder. Faith was the one who found them on top of the table, digging into her favorite dessert. They didn't eat all of the pies because that would've been completely impossible, but they took large samples from all of them. Faith let out a little shocked noise that's kind of hard to describe. Kind of like halfway between a sob and a scream. I ran in to see what the problem was and the look on her face was so……perfect doesn't even begin to describe the expression. It was almost as if she woke up one morning and discovered that a loved one had passed away in their sleep. She mourned those pies for the rest of the day, and most of the next. I took pity on her and made her another cherry pie, but she said it just wasn't the same.

"Yeah, yeah laugh it up. I'm sure you woulda pouted like a baby if they had gotten a hold of your turkey." Those little brats better stay away from my turkey. We only eat turkey twice a year, on Thanksgiving and on Christmas and every year we go all out and buy the really expensive turkeys and spend all day slaving over them to make sure they're perfect. And trust me they always turn out perfect. It's become our tradition that Faith cooks the turkey on Thanksgiving, and I cook the Turkey on Christmas, and she sometimes helps out a little bit. She says she's being helpful and trying to take a little bit of stress off of my shoulders, but I think she's just trying to make sure I don't burn the bird.

I hold my breath a little bit when I see a large group of people walking towards the baggage area. We asked if we could meet Matthew at the gate, but the security person said no. Unless you have a boarding pass you can't go passed the security checkpoint thing. I started to argue, but Faith dragged me away. Hmmmmm, maybe that's the real reason why she's holding my hand, to stop me from pushing passed security and making an ass of myself? That's a very strong possibility. Anyway, as soon as my eyes land on my boy there's no holding me back. I let go of Faith's hand and run up to my son. I've been going crazy the last week because this day was so close yet so fucking far away. But he's here now, he's close enough for me to reach out and touch, and that's exactly what I plan on doing. I have a huge smile on my face as I wrap my arms around him and squeeze as tight as I can. He's a slayer, he can take it.

"Yeah, yeah I missed you too." God, he sounds just like his mother, and not in a good way. He hugs me back but it's nowhere near as tight as I'm hugging him. I hear Faith laugh a little bit when she walks up behind me, but I don't move. I just want to wallow in this feeling a little more. Is that so wrong? "Ok Mom, I get it, you missed me. The length of this hug is borderline creepy." I chuckle a little bit, but I squeeze him a little tighter. It feels good to have my baby boy in my arms. He's never going away again. I think we're just going to home school him now. Would that be too clingy? I don't think that would be too clingy. "Mom, it's embarrassing now. People are starting to stare." He lets go of me and I sigh. I very reluctantly give up my death lock on him and put my hands on his shoulders and take a step back. He gets a confused look on his face as I start to eye him up and down.

"Did you get taller? It looks like you got taller. Faith, does he look taller to you? I don't like this, you totally got taller," I say and Faith chuckles a little bit. This isn't funny. My baby boy looks different. I don't know exactly what it is about him, but he's definitely not the same as when we left him in Cleveland. We never should have left him in Cleveland. Ok, so it was for a really good cause and according to Giles Brooklyn is doing a lot better and that is mostly thanks to Matthew. Giles probably could've found another way though. There are how many girls at that school? I'm sure she could've found someone else to cling onto.

"Don't mind your mom," Faith says and hugs Matthew a little and in the process I'm pushed out of the way. I would pout but we're in public and that would be totally embarrassing. So I'll only pout for a couple of seconds before anyone has the chance to see me do it. "You know she's certifiable." They both laugh as Faith lets go of him and now I'm really pouting. She gives me a little look like 'come on, you know you're crazy' and I just sigh and shake my head. Now that Matthew is home it's going to be team them with me on the outside and them doing all of the bonding. But whatever, I'm just glad he's here where I can keep him safe. We grab his bags off of the spinning baggage…thing, and he gets that innocent look on his face. It's the one he does for only two reasons either when he's in trouble or when he's about to ask me something he knows I won't answer.

"So, did you get me anything good for Christmas?" he asks and smiles a big dimpled filled smile. Oh yeah, he definitely takes after his mother. She gives me that look all the time whenever she wants to try and butter me up, and the bigger she can make her dimples the better. I guess he's already caught on to how much I love dimples. I probably shouldn't have talked about them so much when he was younger. Did I really have to tell him 'you have the cutest dimples, how can I say no to a smile like that?' so many times when he was five? I'm really starting to think 'no'. I give him my 'mom' look and run my fingers through his hair. He's already a little taller then me. I don't like this at all. He's not supposed to be taller then me yet.

"You know I can't tell you that," I say and let out a very contented sigh as Faith tosses his suitcase in the trunk of her car. The spring that I had in my step earlier while we were walking up towards the airport seems to have jumped from my body to Faith's body because not only is her step all springing, but her hips have an extra sway to them. I love when she sways her hips like that. Ok, Buffy, calm down. Don't think sexy thoughts in front of your son. "But trust me your present is going to be a big surprise." I give an evil chuckle because now he's all curious about what his gift is going to be. Faith knows that I'm talking about the puppies and she glares at me. I ignore her glare, which just pisses her off even more. She gives me this look that totally says 'we're going to fight about this later'. I don't doubt it for a second, but it takes two people to fight and I refuse to fight with my wife on Christmas Eve.

FPOV

I think it's official that B's gone totally bat shit crazy. She bought a couple of puppies from some loser on craigslist and thinks she's gonna give 'em to the kids tomorrow for Christmas. She did all this shit behind my back. I know I don't got a lot of room to talk 'cause I went behind her back and bought Tucker, and Ruby but this shit is fuckin different and she knows it. She knows the kids aren't ready for this. She knows the wounds are still too fresh. She plans on bringin in those mutts and what, they'll just forget about their old dogs? That's not how it fuckin works, and she knows that. But she did it anyway. And not only did she go out and buy two mutts without talkin to me about it first, but she bought a little blonde rat lookin thing. Is she fuckin serious? She knows how much I hate little dogs.

But we can't talk about it now. Nope, we picked Mattie up from the airport yesterday, so now we have to play the perfect family so the kid won't get upset. It's Christmas, and even though I'm pissed as hell at what B did I can't ruin Christmas for my kids. I think I finally understand that whole white, repressed, suburban lifestyle stereotype. Ya know, that whole 'everything is more then what it seems' shit, and you wonder why they just won't leave and be happy somewhere else instead of being miserable.. So even though we got the nice cars, and the nice house, and the beautiful family we're still pissed at each other 'cause we can't talk about our problems or else the kids will get upset. So we're gonna just keep this bottled up forever, and stop having sex, and then I'll have an affair with a seventeen year old, or a prostitute. I'm still not too clear about all the rules. I've never been an upper middle class repressed white chick before, this is all kinda new.

I turn my music down and roll over onto my back. Yeah, I had my ear buds in all night and miraculously they didn't fall out. Call me immature if you want. I'm nothing if not consistent. With Mattie being home now, and the little ones being so damn happy to have him back I didn't want to ruin all of that by fighting with Buffy. I knew if I could hear her either trying to talk to me, or just breathing then I'd freak out and wanna talk about it. Ok, so I'd wanna yell at her for doing something stupid. The kids aren't ready for another dog, doesn't she see that? I sigh, and glace over at her, and let the angry sounds of Mudvayne crawl its way through my ears. I shouldn't be this mad at her. I know that it's pretty stupid getting this upset over it, and sulking like a five year old who got the chicken pox and can't go to Disney World anymore, but she should've talked to me first about this. Was she that afraid I was going to just put my foot down and say no?

Maybe if she talked about it with me first instead of just surprising me like that would've been better. I can't say for sure 'cause it didn't happen, but maybe I could've agreed with her. Now that I'm thinking about it, no I wouldn't have. The kids aren't ready for another dog, that's all there is to it. I deserved some warning though. Walking into Red's house and seeing the little flea bags runnin around and thinkin maybe Red bought Sky some early Christmas gifts, and then her bein like 'ha-ha, very funny, Faith' and sayin how there's no way in hell she's keeping the pests longer then Buffy asked was a total shock. I feel kinda bad for Red though since I kinda took some of my shock and anger out on her. I should probably apologize. Then again I did buy her a kick ass stereo system for her car so I think that might be enough to make up for the yellin. Besides, Red's got enough mojo runnin through her veins to kill me on the spot so it's not like she's defenseless.

I look over at my alarm clock, and groan when I see it's five forty-seven. I press the pause button on my iPod and listen. I know what I'm listening for so I'll know it when I hear it, and………bingo. The kids are already awake. I can hear them in Mattie's room whispering, and trying to be all quiet. Buffy threatened that if they went downstairs without waking us up first she'd give all of their presents back to Santa. Mattie's too old for that, so she told him she'd take all his stuff back to the store. They must've believed her 'cause they haven't come in here screaming about their new puppies. Yeah, that's right, the walking parasites are downstairs in my living room, each in their own little crate with a bow on top, and a card that says 'to the Summers-Lehane family love Santa'. B really wants to see the looks on their faces when they see the puppies, and I just want those crap maggots out of my house.

I glance over at the door when I hear the kids' footsteps creeping down the hall. They know better then to wake us up before six o'clock but I guess they just can't take it. And from the sounds of it Addy is the most excited. I guess that makes sense. Not only is her big brother finally home, but it's Christmas. It's like an excitement overload or something. I wouldn't be surprised if she pissed her pants 'cause of all the excitement. Oh man, yesterday was pretty awesome when we walked through the door and Addy was standing on the other side just waiting for Mattie. She actually squealed when he walked through the door. Then she ran up and jumped into his arms. She was just so fuckin happy and I'm still smiling at just the thought of it. Yesterday when we walked into the airport I sorta made myself forget about the fact that I'm pissed off at Buffy 'cause I didn't want the kids pickin up on that shit when something really good was happenin, but now that it's Christmas there's no avoiding it.

Me and B always go downstairs with the kids together on Christmas morning, but I think I'm gonna break the rules a little bit. I'm not gonna let 'em come down with me 'cause B will be so beyond pissed if I do that. But I really fuckin need a cup of coffee, and I don't wanna wait for her ass to wake up so I can go downstairs. She might get a little irritated waking up without me in the bed. She'll probably think it's 'cause I'm still pissed off at her, but it doesn't have a whole lot to do with that. I just really need to coffee 'cause I'm starting to get one of those annoying caffeine headaches, and if I don't do somethin about it now then it'll just get worse, and I'll be bitchy all day, and that'll be no fun for anyone. We got people comin over today and the last thing we need is a bitchy me around a large group of people when I'm already a little irritated about those damn dogs. She just had to pull this shit on Christmas, didn't she?

"Good morning," I whisper as I very gently shut my bedroom door. I smile and laugh a little at Addy's hair. I swear this kid gets the most awesome bed head in the world. I have no idea what the fuck she does in her sleep to get it that fucked up but I'm glad she does 'cause it always puts a smile on my face. Joey looks so excited he's practically shakin. Either that or he's just cold. He doesn't like wearing a shirt to bed for whatever reason and this may be Nevada but it gets fuckin cold at night. I'm sure he'll snuggle up real close to B to get warm again. Mattie looks pretty fuckin tired still. I'm sure that jet lag is still fucking with his head. Plus the time zone difference might be throwin him off a little. "You guys go wake your mom up, ok? I'm gonna go make her some coffee." Mattie just yawns but the other two look very happy at that idea. I open up the door, and move outta their way.

"Mom, wake up!" Addy and Joey yell at the same time. Damn, I didn't think they were gonna be so loud. I better go get the coffee going now or B's gonna be pretty cranky too. I walk downstairs, and I totally should've put on some socks or somethin 'cause this floor is fuckin cold. Remind me again why we decided to keep the hardwood floors instead of putting in a nice warm carpet, 'cause I can't remember. I guess hardwood is a little better though. I mean, those two little shit stains are gonna be pissin all over the floors until they're housebroken. It'll be easier to clean up off these floors then it would a carpeted floor. Why am I thinkin about this shit? I have no fuckin clue. Guess I just need to find a bright side to something so I won't be in a bad mood all day. I can do that, right? I mean, happiness is nothing but a state of mind, so all I have to do is think positive and all that bullshit and soon I'll achieve happiness.

You know what would really make me happy? A new motorcycle, that's what. B said she doesn't want me to get a new one 'cause of that really bad crash a few years ago. But that was like forever ago, and it's not like I'm gonna make the same mistake twice. And I think I finally found a good reason to keep those mutts around. After I found out about the dogs I confronted B about 'em, and we got into a fight. Yeah I know, there's no surprise there, but whatever. Anyway, one of B's major points that she kept tryin to make to justify this shit was that marriage is all about compromise and even though I don't want the dogs she should get to keep them 'cause I've done this shit to her twice, and she got over it and let the kids keep their dogs. Well, I want a motorcycle, and even though she thinks they're dangerous I should still get one because I'm not driving those little flea bitten runts to the pound like I wanna.

I yawn very widely as I pour the water into the coffee maker. I smile as I hear the kids get more and more impatient with Buffy. She's either acting like a seven year old on a school day, or she's just messing around with them. Either way it's pretty funny. I don't know what it is about irritating your kid that's so damn funny, but it is. I guess it's kinda like pay back for all the times they irritated the hell out of you. Don't look at me like that. My kids are awesome, but they can be so annoying, and sometimes I just wanna kick one out a window just to make the noise stop. That's definitely one of the perks of being in a relationship, when the kids start acting up you can just pretend to be really busy and pass the annoyance onto them. Of course Buffy always does the same thing to me so I guess it's not so fun all the time.

Finally the coffee is finished. I thought I was gonna die waiting here. I look up at the ceiling when I hear Buffy get out of bed. That's the one thing I hate about this house. You can hear every fuckin footstep that someone takes up there. It's really annoying when I'm tryin to watch TV but I guess it's kinda helpful. Joey does this thing now where he likes to run off when no one's paying attention so all you gotta do is stop and listen and you can hear him walkin around up there. I have no idea what the fuck he does upstairs though 'cause as soon as I open his bedroom door he stops moving. And he's never like holding any toys or playing with something he knows he's not supposed to touch. He's just standing there, staring at me, and it's really fuckin creepy. And when I ask him what he was doin he just shrugs his shoulders. What is he, running a meth lab out of his closet or somethin?

Anyway, I pour myself a cup of coffee and add five spoonfuls of sugar. What? I'm a sugar hound, leave me alone. I hate bitter coffee, and all coffee tastes bitter to me, so sugar is the solution. I also hate waiting for my coffee to cool down enough for me to drink, and that's where the milk comes in. I open the fridge, and……what the fuck? I just bought a gallon of milk yesterday. There's no way in hell those little moochers drank all my fuckin milk in one Goddamn day. I swear, they need to hurry up and go to college so I can walk around naked and eat chocolate for breakfast. My lifestyle is being totally cramped by them. Maybe I should just trade them for the dogs. Ha, that'd be a compromise wouldn't it? 'Hey, B, you can keep the puppies but you gotta get rid of the kids. No, no, don't get mad. Just think about it: dogs don't care if you walk around the house naked, and they won't complain when we eat chocolate in the mornin and they don't get any'.

"You guys just stay right there, ok?" I hear Buffy say and I look over at the doorway. I crane my neck a little bit trying to evolve into a giraffe or somethin so I can see the living room from here, but it's not gonna work. My best guess is she's makin the kids wait on the stairs. That means she's ready for them to see their presents, but she doesn't want that moment just yet because I'm not there. I gotta admit, even though I'm pissed at her I still think she's the greatest gift this world has ever given me. Gah, what's with all this mushy shit? Must be gettin close to that time of the month or somethin. "Sweetie, we're ready to open presents!" She does realize that I'm a slayer too and I can hear her just fine without the shouting, right? I pour her a cup of coffee and add her usual two spoonfuls of sugar. She's gonna be pissed that all the milk is gone. I can tolerate my coffee without it, but B hates her coffee without milk.

"I'll be there in a second!" I holler back and take a moment to just breathe. This is gonna happen whether I want it to or not so I just gotta work on not getting pissed off at the sight of those little twerps and all will be good. That might be kinda hard though. I hate little dogs, and B not only got a little dog, she got a little blonde dog. I mean, seriously? What the fuck are we gonna do with a little blonde rat? I guess the kids could use it for target practice. I bough them some rubber ninja stars and now that I'm thinking about it: what the fuck was I thinking when I bought those?! I walk over to the stairs and chuckle a little 'cause B is literally holding Joey back from running out into the living room. "Ok, who's ready to open presents?" Mattie yawns again, and the little ones go ape. They start squealing and jumping up and down. I wish I could be like that in the morning.

"But remember," Buffy says in that total 'mom' voice. That voice usually turns me on a little, but it's just too early. "You can only open the presents from Santa." They all nod, and Buffy gives me a little look. I know what she's sayin and I just shrug a shoulder. I'm not gonna get into this right now. "Ok, let's go." She lets go of Joey and he and Addy book it for the living room. I kinda feel a little bad. Those dogs have no idea what the fuck they're in for. Half a day here with my kids and they're gonna wish they could be back in their momma's womb where it was safe and far away from here. Yep, my kids are demons, and I'm fuckin proud of 'em for it. They totally take after me, why wouldn't I be proud? Me and B follow the kids into the living room and my ears feel like they're being stabbed with an ice pick Addy just screamed so fuckin loud. That wasn't even a scream it was………I don't know what the fuck it was, but it was way worse then a scream.

"Mom, look!" she yells and runs over to one of the dog crates. Oh yeah, those puppies are really glad Buffy brought 'em to live here right about now. And yeah, I'm bein sarcastic. They probably wanna kill themselves after that fuckin noise. "Santa got us puppies, Mom!" I can tell just by the way that Addy's sayin the word mom that she doesn't care which one of us listens to her, just as long as someone listens. I take a large gulp of my coffee prayin it'll cure the throbbing in my temples. All it does is burn the roof of my mouth. And I think it seared off my taste buds. Fuck. Those grow back, right? I take a look around as all three of the kids gather around the larger of the two plastic cages and let the black puppy out. She very hesitantly walks out with her tail wagging and her head low, and I gotta admit to me and me only that Buffy was right. Their little faces are totally priceless because none of them were expecting this. My tits are still bigger then hers. I guess I can take comfort in that.

BPOV

So yesterday wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Faith didn't freak out like I thought she was going to, which is good. She hasn't said anything bad about the puppies, but she hasn't said anything good about them either and I'm not sure how to interpret that. I guess I just need to give her time. She kept telling me that she doesn't want the puppies because the kids aren't ready for them, but I know that isn't true. She's just in denial because she's not ready to love another dog. Instead of admitting that she's not ready for a puppy, she's convinced herself that the kids aren't ready for another one. But yesterday she saw that I was totally right, and now she's a little grumpy about it. We both have big egos, and hers is very easily bruised. Ok, so I'll admit that mine can be bruised from time to time, but Faith's is so much worse.

Anyway, yesterday was pretty perfect. The kids played with the puppies, Faith and I cooked the usual huge breakfast, I burned the eggs like always, and we got a little tipsy off the spiked eggnog. Dawnie and the boys were the first ones over, which was a nice surprise, and the puppies got even more attention. Since the little one is small enough to be picked up I had to make sure she didn't get hurt. She only weighs like three pounds and one of those little legs can be broken very easily. I'm not a vet, but I think it would be almost impossible to fix something that small. Anyway, by the time we were finished with breakfast everyone was at our house. The kids were busy playing, and everyone else was talking and having a nice time. It made me smile, and that warn feeling of seeing my family all together and happy crept over me. I couldn't help but hug Faith really close to me, and give her a little kiss on the lips even though she was kinda grumpy.

I got some really cool presents this year. Faith and I mostly focus on the kids at Christmas and worry about giving them an awesome day, but it's nice that I can still feel that unique feeling of getting something you really like. Faith bought me the coolest pair of leather boots I've ever seen in my entire life. And they fit me so perfectly. It was like these boots were made especially for me. And knowing her she probably had them custom made, and just isn't saying anything about it. She also bought me a really sexy dress to go with my really sexy boots. I can't wait to go out somewhere and wear these. We'll definitely have to make reservations somewhere so that everyone can be jealous of us. They'll be jealous of Faith because I'm hers and not theirs, and because I'm so damn hot and they're not. Oh my God, calm down, I was just joking. I'm really not that self-centered.

I didn't just get some cool presents. I also gave some pretty awesome gifts, and not just to my kids. I bought Chris a new DVD player with a surround sound system. Everyone made fun of me for that though because apparently buying a really nice and very expensive gift for my father in law is sucking up. Willow shut up pretty fast when I threatened to take back the first edition book I bought her. I have no idea what it is other then it's a book about magic or it has a bunch of spells or something. Apparently there's only three in the world. I had to give a demon seventeen cow hearts for it, and don't look at me like that. I didn't kill the cows myself. I bought the hearts from a butcher shop. The people at the shop probably think I'm crazy, but the look on Willow's face when she saw the book is totally worth it. Besides I purposely went to a butcher shop that we don't go to so I won't have to go back.

We had a little bit of a scare. Sky had another contraction but she said it felt different from all of the others. The baby isn't due for another three months, and I guess the reason this one felt different is because her body didn't transfer all that energy into magic and then use the magic as an outlet for her pain…or something like that. Willow tried to explain it to me but I didn't understand half of what she said. You know the magic thing has never really been my area of expertise, and so does she. I really don't understand how she can not get that after all of these years of friendship. Anyway, there were a few heart-stopping moments when we thought Sky might have gone into real labor instead of just false labor, and that was really scary. Willow was freaking out, and after it was over with she had like three glasses of the rum and eggnog. That might not sound like a big deal, but we're talking about the woman who will get drunk off of one light beer.

But I don't wanna talk about that stuff anymore. Christmas is over, and even though I'm totally dying to try out the new straightener Dawnie bought me, I am going to enjoy the after Christmas tradition that Faith and I have. See, we always hang candy canes from the tree, and the kids always complain because we don't let them touch the candy canes let alone eat them. So on Christmas we let the kids have a couple, and give the rest to everyone else, except for two. Two of them we keep to ourselves and we always do something a little kinky. It started on the day after the third Christmas we celebrated together as a couple, and we decided to turn it into our own little naughty tradition. The only problem is that I think Faith is still mad at me about getting the kids those puppies. We're lying in bed together, my lamp is still on, and she's lying with her back facing me. She might try to ignore me but she doesn't have as much willpower as she likes to think.

"Faithy," I say in my coy, sexy voice. The coy, sexy voice always gets her heart pumping a little faster. I'm not acting this way just because I want to have sex with her, I'm doing this because I want to end this fight, and just be together tonight. I want to let her know through my actions that I'm sorry, and that I should have talked with her first. I'm sure we'll stay up a little afterwards and talk about it, but we're women. It's a stereotype for a reason. "Come on Faith, I could really use your help with something." It would probably be best if I just kind of bait her. If I get aggressive she could go on the defensive and completely shut down. "Baby, don't you wanna keep up the yearly tradition? This is the only time of the year we have candy canes." Even with the promise of doing that I still get no response out of her. Ok, this whole ignoring me thing is going to get very annoying very fast. I pick up one of the candy canes and carefully unwrap it so it won't break.

"Sweetness, don't you wanna play?" I ask and put the tip of the candy in my mouth and very slowly suck on it. I make sure to moan a little, and suck as loud as possible. If that doesn't get her hot I don't know what will. I watch her back as I continue to suck on the sugary candy, and still nothing. Ok, she's really starting to piss me off. I'm her wife, dammit. She can't just ignore me like a sulking five year old who didn't get their way. "Faith, I'm giving head to a candy cane, have you gone retarded or something in the last fifteen minutes?" And her response is……to continue to lie there like a bump on a log. What the fuck is her problem? Is she trying to piss me off? Because I gotta tell ya, it's really starting to work. If this is her idea of a joke, or some kind of payback then she is so going to regret this later.

"Are you still pissed off about the puppies? Faith, I was right, ok? The kids aren't upset at all. Even Matthew was happy, and he even played with Sasha." Brittany called the little shepherd mix that and it just kinda stuck. Joseph wanted to name her after some cartoon character but the other two like the name Sasha better and I decided to go with the majority vote. He might protest for a while, but I don't think it'll do any good. Anyway, getting back to the matter at hand. "Please, Faith, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going to do that, but you've been so touchy ever since Tucker died and I didn't want to upset you." I swear to God if she doesn't show some type of response soon I'm going to stab her with the dagger Giles sent her for Christmas. I know what you're thinking 'didn't you already stab her with her own knife before?' Well to answer your question: yes I have. But this time I'll make sure the coma sticks.

"Oh I get it, you're still irritated with me, and acting like a child about all of this what with avoiding any type of physical contact all day, and sitting next to your dad at dinner instead of me, and barely returning any of the thank you kisses I gave you while we were opening presents, and now you're withholding sex? Very mature, Faith. I thought maybe I could start making it up to you since I know how much you like using the candy canes on me and then eating them afterwards, but you can forget about that now." I toss the candy cane onto my bedside table and take a deep breath. I need to try and calm down a little before I start yelling. And she's STILL not reacting! "God dammit, Faith, would you say something?" I push her shoulder a little bit which causes most of her body to move forward. She turns most of her upper body so she can see me. She has a very confused look on her face, and now I see why she wasn't talking back.

"Did you say somethin, B?" she asks after she pushes the pause button on her iPod. Sometimes when Faith needs to clear her head she listens to music while she falls asleep. How I didn't hear that I'll never know because she usually listens to metal, and very loudly. It's the only way she wouldn't have heard anything I just said in the last ten minutes. I let out a very frustrated sigh and throw the covers back. I'm so irritated now there's no way I can even think about getting back in the mood.

"Nevermind, just go to sleep," I tell her, and I try to sound calm but I don't think it worked out too well. She looks even more confused and I would be too if she were acting totally bitchy for seemingly no reason at all. "I'm gonna go eat a snack." That's right ladies and gentle, Buffy Summers is not only a slayer, and a mom, and a business owner, and a wife, and a lesbian, she's also a stress eater. At least I've turned into a stress eater. I don't know exactly when it happened, but the sudden realization came to me after I downed half a pint of ice cream after a really stressful day at work. She tries to say something, but I cut her off before she can. "Really, Faith, don't worry about it. We'll talk about it later, ok?" She nods her head, and I lean over and give her a little kiss on the lips before I get up, throw on my robe, and head downstairs.

I walk into the kitchen with every intention of downing almost all of my nonfat yogurt. You should know by now how much I crave yogurt sometimes. I think one of the kids takes after me when it comes to really liking yogurt because over the last week or so all of my yogurt seems to be disappearing. Take five days ago for example, I bought ten containers of the nonfat strawberry yogurt, and within two days they were all gone. And trust me when I say it did not end well for anyone when I opened the fridge and saw that they were all gone. I had been looking forward to eating one or two, possibly even three, of those since right before lunch time. But noooo, Buffy doesn't get her favorite snack when she's really craving it because that might actually put her in a better mood.

When I walk into the kitchen I see that the fridge door is already open and someone is rummaging through it. Ok, so which one of my kids was also craving a midnight snack? I swear, these kids are taking after us more and more every day. I very quietly walk up to the fridge so he or she, depending on which kid it is, won't hear me. What I see makes my jaw drop, my eyes grow about fifteen times their normal size, and a little squeak of surprise escapes the back of my throat. Fuck a duck sideways. What the hell is in my refrigerator? It's small, maybe only a foot tall. It has a green pointy hat, little dark brown shorts, little black boots, a tiny red jacket, and if he or she has a pipe in his or her mouth I might just shit a brick. Is it…….is that thing putting a block of cheese in a bag? I try to speak, but all that comes out are high pitched noises. The thing turns around really fast, and it looks terrified, but then a look of relief washes over its face.

"Oh, it's just you," he says, and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. "I thought maybe you were my bookie. I still owe about a grand." What. The. Fuck. "You alright? You look like you're about to faint." For whatever reason that sentence seems to pull me out of my temporary shock and I'm able to form words again, which is nice since I really wanna know what the fuck is going on.

"Yeah, I probably do look like I'm about to faint. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I have a little troll going through my fridge, stealing a block of cheese. I paid for that cheese, you can't just take it." This thing is not taking off with my cheese. If it's one thing I like almost as much as nonfat yogurt, it's cheese.

"Troll?" Wow, he sounds a little offended. "I'm no troll, lady." And now he sounds pissed off. "Do I go around hiding under children's beds and scaring them senseless?" How the hell should I know that? "I don't. Troll, what a horrible thing to say." I don't know why, but I feel a little bad. Then again, the little cretin shouldn't have been going through my refrigerator in the middle of the night, and stealing from me.

"Ok, if you're not a troll then what are you?" I ask and cross my arms over my chest. This situation is so bizarre, and I wish someone else was here to witness it too. If I go upstairs and tell Faith about this she'll probably think I got into the rum or something. We both know that straight up rum is definitely not my drink, and I've hallucinated weirder things then this happening while drunk on it, believe me.

"Now I'm really offended. You don't remember?" he asks and sits down on the shelf. Remember him? Why the hell does he think I would remember him? I've never seen him before in my entire life. I always thought that trolls or…whatever the hell he is are fake, like leprechauns or something. Giles told me that leprechauns aren't real. Oh God, what if he was sent here by his little leprechaun clan to hurt me for not believing in them, but he decided to stop for a snack first? Ok Buffy, get a grip.

"I've never seen you before in my entire life, and before you ask, yes I would remember if I had," I say and he looks very confused now. How can he be the one that's confused? I'm not the one going through his fridge at one in the morning.

"I'm Sid," he says like it's supposed to mean something. "Sid the Wiley Dairy Gnome." And again I come up blank. I give him an 'and…?' type of look and he looks a little less confused and a little more shocked. He sighs, and rubs his little scruffy beard. "Wow, you really don't remember. And here I thought you vampire slayers respected us mythical creatures, but nope. You're just as bad as the witches." Ok, I'm not a hundred percent in love with his tone right now.

"Hey, my best friend is a witch, so you better watch the way you use that word." Did that make sense? I don't think that made any sense. He sighs again and stands up. I lean back a little bit and prepare myself for an attack. He may be small, but he probably has weird magical powers. Over the years I've found that most "mythical creatures" have weird magical powers. Did you know a unicorn's horn is made of pure magic? Sadly Giles refuses to buy me a unicorn for my birthday.

"Ok, if you honestly don't remember then we'll do a flashback," he says, and before I can ask what the hell that means, he claps his little hands and everything fades to white.

(Flashback to 1999)

Ok, this is really fucking weird. I guess Sid, or whatever his name is decided to go all 'ghost of my Christmas past' on my ass because I can see myself in my old dorm room back in Sunnydale. I can year that really annoying song being played, and I cringed a little. I never really liked that song anyway, but after this I still can't listen to it. Ok, so what does this have to do with the little gnome in my fridge?

"Also, I noticed that some of my milk was missing. Did you…?" Kathy asks. Oh my God, I totally forgot how much of a pain she was. I wanted to kill her even before she started sucking my soul out of my body.

"Oh! Yeah, actually, I did. I meant to…." I see myself reply. God, was I really that much of a pushover? If I had been like this when Faith and I started dating we probably would've broken up in the first six months. I'm not saying she was anything like Kathy, God no she was nothing like Kathy, but if I didn't make myself and my intentions clear she probably would've run thinking maybe I was just using her or something. I was definitely wrong when I thought our issues would be buried along with the town formally known as Sunnydale.

"No! It's totally ok, I was just wondering." Could Kathy have been any more passive aggressive? I mean, seriously, who labels things with their name? I am so glad Willow moved in after Kathy left because I don't think I would've been able to handle someone new after all the things Kathy put me through. I still don't get why that creepy little gnome is making me watch this. Am I going to learn some valuable life lesson or something?

"Yeah, I-I-I was making my coffee and I just…." I can't help but roll my eyes and scoff. Ok, so I have to admit I wasn't that bad in college. I was young and still had that youthful ignorance thing going on. But now that I'm older and much, much, much wiser I can't help but judge myself.

"Buffy, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure…" The very annoying song stops playing which at the time I was thankful for because I was seriously thinking about taking the radio out with my crossbow. I watch Kathy walk across the room, press play on the boom box, and then walk back over to the conversation. Wow, she was really rude too. Who does something like that? "…that we didn't have a thief or something." Oh yes, because when I get bored I love to run around a dormitory and steal people's milk. That'll teach them to leave their door unlocked.

"Like who? Sid the Wiley Dairy Gnome?" Everything starts to fade to white again, and my past thoughts before I'm brought out of the little trip to the past are: holy shit! No fucking way!

(End flashback)

"Oh my God," I say when I start to see my kitchen again. I blink very quickly a few times until all the blurriness is gone. When I'm able to see again, I see Sid standing in my fridge but now he has a smug look on his face. "Oh my God, I didn't think you were real. I was just being sarcastic. Holy shit." To say that I'm shocked would be an understatement.

"Well, girlie, I am real. Now, if you'll excuse me I need to get back," he says and picks up the bag that looks like a miniature potato sack. Oh, fuck no. He is not going anywhere with that. That sack has my block of cheese in it, and I need that block of cheese for tomorrow night or the dinner will be ruined.

"Ok, so you seriously go around to people's houses and steal their dairy stuff?" I ask and he nods his head. I wait for him to explain, but I guess he's finished with sharing for tonight. That doesn't mean I can't make him share. "Why do you keep stealing our stuff? Why here? Why my milk that I use in my coffee? Why my nonfat yogurt? Why my cheese?" He looks a little scared for a second but that look quickly goes away.

"It's just what I do," he says, and throws the little sack over his shoulder like he's a miniature Santa or something. Is this what dairy gnomes give to their children for Christmas, blocks of cheese and nonfat yogurt? "As for why here, well like I said I still owe my bookie about a grand and you're the slayer. If anyone could protect me it's you." I sigh and roll my eyes. When is all of the magical community going to understand this?

"Have you been living under a rock for the last fifteen years? I'm not the only slayer anymore. There are thousands of us all over the world, and new girls are called on an almost daily basis. So go bother someone else because my friend is the world's most powerful wiccan and if any more of my stuff goes missing I'll have her light you on fire with nothing more then the power of her will, you got that?" He chuckles, yes that's right, I said 'chuckles', and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand again.

"Witches magic is no good on me, Miss," he says and that little chuckle turns into a deep belly laugh. I sigh in irritation and shake my head a little. I hate being wrong about things almost as much as I hate him. "But if sharing is that big of an issue then I'll find somewhere else to shack up for a few days. You said these other slayers are all over the world?" I nod my head, and he smiles a little. "Cool. I've always wanted to go to Tokyo." He snaps his fingers and with a little puff of smoke he's gone. That little bastard took my cheese. I'm having a really hard time wrapping my mind around everything that just happened. Dairy gnomes are real, and one of them has been stealing my stuff for the last week or so. Alright, I give up. Someone pass me the wine because I have some serious drinking to do.

FPOV

I really love nights like the one I'm having right now. Don't get me wrong, I love slaying and nothin's gonna change that. I love goin out, and tearin it up, and nothin's gonna change that either. But sitting on your couch completely surrounded by your kids, and everyone is calm, and trying to get just a little bit closer to you while you watch a movie together, well, that gives me a feeling that slaying and partying just can't. I got more then just the kids battling for my attention though. Ya know that little blonde rat Buffy brought home? Well, I guess this thing is hella fuckin smart 'cause it only took her about fifteen minutes to figure out that I'm the coolest thing since the invention of the Kawasaki Ninja, and she follows me around everywhere I go. Right now she's curled up between me and Addy, and she's pressed as close to my thigh as she can get.

I guess it's not that surprising that the dogs wanna be around me. I mean, I'm hot shit. Ha, nah I'm just playin. But seriously, dogs pick up on my no bullshit attitude, and they wanna be around me. Guess I just got a pack leader mentality. Don't get me wrong, I still don't want these little flea bags here, but I gotta admit that B was right. The kids had the exact opposite reaction of what I thought they were gonna do, and just the idea of havin another dog has them all excited. Addy was the only one that brought up Ruby, and it made my heart pang a little. She wasn't sad or anything, she just said 'can Sasha sleep in my room like Ruby did?' I guess I'm the only one who still hasn't moved on or whatever. I think it's kinda funny that "Buffy's puppy" wants to be around me more then her. I would laugh but that would just make her mad.

I'm finally over bein mad at her, which is good since I hate fighting with her. Last night when she came back to bed from getting a snack she was kinda drunk, and she apologized for goin behind my back. She said that she knows I'm in denial about missin Tucker, and it's the real reason why I got so pissed off. Then she said somethin about Sid goin through our fridge, and stealin some cheese, and then we made out for a little while. For a little bit I thought it was gonna turn into something more, but then she fell asleep. Red wine does that to her. But when she woke up this morning she was all kindsa turned on, and I had her comin in like ten minutes. We got in a couple of rounds before the kids woke up, and started complainin about being hungry, and Addy complained about us keeping the puppies to ourselves 'cause B wants 'em to sleep in our room for whatever reason. Anyway, the movie ends so I shut off the TV, and sigh a little.

"Ok guys, it's time for bed," I say, and all three of them groan. They're already in their pajamas, and they've done the nightly ritual of getting ready for bed, but since tomorrow's Saturday I figured it would be nice to let 'em stay up a little later. "Don't start actin like that. I let you stay up an hour late, and I gave you hot coco." For about an hour and a half I was the world's coolest mom for breakin the rules, but now I'm back to just plain old mom. Normally it's Buffy that puts 'em to bed, but she's upstairs. I have no idea what she's doin. She started watchin the movie with us, but then she gave me a little kiss on the cheek, and said she was tired. I haven't seen her since. What can I say? I've been mad at her for days, and now that I'm finally over it I wanna be around her.

"Mama, can the puppy sleep in my room?" Addy asks, and picks up the little blonde rat. She whines a little, and looks all confused, and I chuckle a little bit. Poor thing went from being dead asleep to being lifted up, and not so gently either. "Please Mama? Pretty please, with ice cream, and cherries, and chocolate, and peanuts on top?" Wow, she knows exactly what I like on my ice cream. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I think maybe I should cut back on the sweets. Anyway, I give Addy a look that pretty much sums up my answer, and she pouts. I really wanna roll my eyes, but that'll just start a fight. She's just like her mother, that's for damn sure.

"You know what Mom said about where the puppies are gonna sleep," I tell her, and carefully take the puppy from her. She gets this hurt look on her face, and I know she's not faking. This kid has been lovin on these dogs so much the last two days it's almost sad. Addy and Ruby had a pretty tight bond 'cause Ruby was Addy's dog and she knew it. She slept in her bed with her, and followed her around all over the house. Now it's like Addy's tryin so hard to make that kind of connection again with these guys, but she's crowding 'em too much, which is why they usually come runnin to me. I sigh when I see some tears spring up in her eyes. She's either the best actress on the planet and we should move to LA, or she really wants one of these puppies in her room. "Alright here's what I'll do, in a couple weeks when the puppies are used to bein here I'll talk to Mom about it, ok?"

"Ok," she says and sniffles. Ok, now she's just tryin to ham it up. I sigh and run my fingers through her hair. I love this kid's hair, you have no idea. She has the perfect little curls, but it's a bitch because she gets tangles like you wouldn't fuckin believe. B has to braid it every night or the next mornin it takes an hour for her to get it brushed out. She's been begging Buffy to straighten it, and I think it's a good idea. Sure it might take a while, but it'll be easier to manage. B's hella nervous about doin it though. She tried to argue that Addy is too young to have her hair done up like that, and maybe she's right. Addy just turned seven last month, and seven year olds have a hard time sittin still for long periods of time, especially Addy. She's definitely like me when I was a kid, and I couldn't sit still for two fuckin minutes, let alone however many hours it would take to straighten that crazy ass hair.

"Come on, Moose, it's sleepy time," I say when Addy starts walkin towards the stairs. Joey's lyin on the couch, and he doesn't wanna get up. I don't blame him. This is a really comfortable couch. I don't feel like fighting with him about this, so I hold the puppy in one hand, reach over, and pick Joey up with my free arm. I wrap it around him securely but not too tight, and lift him up off the couch. I move my fingers around to tickle him a little bit, and he laughs, and squirms around. I hold him over my shoulder, and he calms back down. "Alright guys, lets go." I stand up and Mattie gets up too. Addy's already upstairs, and I can hear her sayin goodnight to B. She's not talkin loud or anything, but the house is almost dead quiet. I can't hear exactly what she's sayin, but I recognize both B and Addy's voices.

When I walk into my bedroom I see Addy sitting in B's lap, and they're looking through a photo album. I was wonderin when this was gonna happen. Every year around Christmas time B goes through a couple of the photo albums to remember all of the Christmases we've spent together. She usually does it on Christmas Eve, but when she's looking through them I'll sit down and look at them with her, and we share a glass of wine, and just relax together. That wouldn't have happened this year since I was pissed off at her. I guess since things are finally right between us she's keeping up her little tradition. I take a moment to just watch my wife and daughter. Both of them have almost identical smiles on their pretty faces as they look at one of the pictures. I can tell just by which book B's holding those pictures are from the first Christmas we spent together. I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I feel a little smack on my ass.

"Mama, put me down," Joey says with a little bit of laughter in his voice. I smile a little bit, and start tickling the hell of out him. He starts laughing, and squirming, and pulling my hair a little, and trying as hard as he can to get away. The puppy in my arms starts freaking out a little, so I gently toss her on the bed. She lands and rolls a couple of times, but she'll be alright. It's not like she broke a leg. Anyway, now that my other hand is free, I swing Joey around so I'm cradling him like a baby, and I pull his shirt up until his belly is showin. "Don't, Mama, no!" He's laughing his little ass off, and covering his stomach up with his hands. I just give him a little smirk, and start blowing raspberries on his hands and stomach. He starts laughin way louder, and kickin, and screamin a little. You have no idea how much fun this is.

"You still want down?" I ask when I finish and he nods his head yes. He's still tryin to catch his breath so he can't really talk just yet. "Ok, Moose, get ready to fly." Before he can say anything I toss him onto the bed and he bounces a little bit. Both Joey and Addy are laughin pretty hard, but B's giving me one of those 'you could have hurt him!' looks but I ignore it. These kids are like rubber. They'll bounce off of anything and be ok. It's not like I got tossin 'em against trees or nothin. But throwin 'em onto beds and the couch isn't gonna hurt 'em. They're slayers for God sakes, they can take a little rough housing. I wait for them to calm down, and again I just take a moment to just watch them. Addy pulls the puppy into her lap, but the poor thing's too tired to care. Joey sits next to Buffy and kinda curls up next to her, but that's perfectly normal for him. He isn't spoiled rotten anymore, but he's still a mommy's boy.

"Alright you guys," I say after about five minutes of quiet time. "Kiss your mom goodnight, and go to bed." They both give Buffy hugs and kisses goodnight, and she has a pretty big smile on her face. She's in a really good mood tonight for some reason. It's not uncommon for her to be in a good mood, I'm not sayin she acts all depressed or whatever, but that kinda smile never shows up on her face without a reason. Anyway, I give 'em hugs and kisses goodnight too, and after B explains again why the puppies can't sleep in Addy's room the two littlest Lehanes run off to their rooms. Sometimes we don't tuck 'em in, and they don't seem to mind. As long as they get a hug and a kiss goodnight they're fine. I yawn, and stretch my arms above my head. I can feel some of my bones popping, and it makes my back feels tons better. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I'm getting a little too old to be playing with the kids like that.

"Some week, huh?" B asks, and I nod my head. I collapse onto the bed, and bury my face into the comforter. Well, at least I try to. I hear her chuckle and she starts rubbing my back with one of her hands. Mmm, that feels good. "I feel the same way." She's talkin about how crazy this week has been. Not just with us not getting along, but with the kids out of school. They're on winter break or whatever, so they had all this week off, and they get all next week off too. They don't go back to school until the sixth of January, and things have been kinda insane. A couple days we had Mattie babysit, but that's not really fair for him since he wants to spend his time off school with his friends. To cut him a little bit of slack I took Addy to work with me four days this week. That kid's a little spitfire, that's for sure. She'll probably be comin back to the shop with me next week. She had fun seein what I do for a living, and the customers loved her.

I roll over onto my back, and unfortunately Buffy pulls her hand away. I was kinda hoping she'd rub my stomach too. Oh don't give me that look, you know you like having your stomach rubbed too. I look up at her and she smiles down at me. I smile back and then close my eyes. I'm about ready to fall asleep, but I don't want to just yet. Things are going way too good tonight. I wanna just lay in the calm for a little while, and enjoy it while I can. My wife is happy, my kids are happy, I'm happy, the house is quiet, and my stomach is full of the awesome dinner Buffy made. Yep, things are finally going my way. I'm ripped out of my happy thoughts when I feel a cold nose touch my hand. I open my eyes and look down at the little blonde rat. She's lying down next to me, and pushing on my hand with her little nose, and giving me this look like 'hello, you're supposed to pet me now'. Leave it up to Buffy to buy a preppy dog.

"Find, calm it down," I say and chuckle. I pick the dog up and set her down on my stomach. She only weighs like three pounds so I can barely feel her. I gently rub behind her ears, and she gets this far off look in her eyes. Ear rubbing is like the doggie xanax. I wonder why that feels so good. "So what are we gonna call this little runt?" I look up at B and give her a little smile. The other puppy's name is Sasha. Brittany said it once and the kids just kept at it. She looks like a Sasha so it all worked out or whatever, but this little one still doesn't have a name. The kids have called her different things but nothin seems right. My smile goes from playful to content when B lays down next to me and rests her head on my shoulder. I love it when we get to spend quiet time together like this.

"I don't know. She doesn't really look like any of the names I've come up with," B says, and snuggles in a little closer to me. I stop scratching the dog's ears and start rubbing her back, but she has other ideas. She lays down and rolls over so I'm rubbing her belly instead. Guess I'm not the only one that likes to have my stomach rubbed. Who knew I'd have something in common with this little runt? I start scratching her stomach with the tips of my fingers. I'm looking for that one perfect spot. Ya know what I'm talkin about. It's that one spot on a dog's stomach that makes their back leg go crazy. It doesn't take me long to find it since she's so small, and her back leg starts jumpin, and both of us laugh. She also gets a weird look on her face, almost like she's havin the big o or something, and oh my God I have the perfect name.

"We are so namin her G Spot," I say and Buffy laughs. I guess she doesn't think I'm serious. I'm only about eighty percent serious, but still. "Come on, B, it's perfect. Look at her face. She totally looks like she's comin." I stop rubbing her stomach, and she lets out a little whine. I guess that did feel good, and she doesn't want me to stop. I start rubbing her stomach again, but not that spot again. I kinda wanna see what she'll do if I don't hit that sweet spot.

"No way. We are not naming my puppy G Spot. There's no way in hell I'm gonna stand at the back door and call out the name G Spot over and over until she finally comes into the house." Just the thought of that has me laughing hard enough to make the dog bounce up and down a little. I guess it's freakin her out a little 'cause she just rolled over onto her stomach, and she's looking around like she's trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

"Fine, how 'bout we call her Miss. G, and only us will know what the g stands for," I say when I stop laughing. Buffy reaches down, and pets the little rat, and she starts licking B's hand. I guess she's alright for a little rat dog. Little dogs bug the hell outta me 'cause people always let 'em get mean. One of our neighbors has one of those ugly fluffy dogs, can't remember what it's call, but anyway, this thing terrorizes everyone that walks by the front yard and it's bitten a couple of people. How those people haven't had the cops or animal control called on 'em I'll never know.

"How about we just call her Missy so the kids won't ask what the g stands for," B says and I just roll my eyes. I pick the puppy up with the palm of my hand, and just look at her face. She looks a little scared and confused, but when a couple of seconds goes by, and nothin bad happens she calms down. Little thing's got guts, I'll give her that. Anyway, I study her for a minute or two, and I gotta admit she does look like a Missy. I never thought that I, Faith Isabelle Lehane, would ever own a little girlie dog. Especially a little girlie dog with a little girlie name.

"Fine, B, have it your way," I say, and put the dog back on my stomach. She curls up in a little ball, and goes back to sleep. I guess she's tired of hanging out with us. Maybe she heard what B wants to name her and she's hopin she won't wake up. "Better put her in her crate. I don't want her getting used to fallin asleep up here." She gives me a little look but I ignore it. I know I'm being a total hypocrite 'cause when Tucker was a puppy he slept in the bed with us all the time. Even when he was an adult he slept in the bed with us, and Golden Retrievers definitely aren't small dogs. But then he started getting all possessive of me, and I don't want that to happen again.

"Come on, baby," B pouts, and presses herself against me. "Can't she, just for tonight? She's so comfy where she is. It would be mean to make her sleep in uncomfortable cage." I sigh and roll my eyes a little bit. She's making it sound just so horrible when it's not. B didn't just buy two puppies and nothin else. She went the whole nine yards, even got 'em some special dog bones that'll make their breath smell better. Both of them have pillows in their cages, so it's not like they're sleepin on hard plastic. But I'm too tired to argue with her about it.

"Fine, I don't care," I say, and she gets a big smile on her face. The things I do to make her happy. She leans forward, and gives me a thank you kiss. At least it starts off as a little thank you kiss. Now it's starting to turn into an 'I wanna take off your clothes' kiss. I may not feel like arguing, but we went without sex for how many days? We definitely have some lost time to make up for. I let my hand roam over her back for a minute or two. There we go, now she's starting to get into it. She takes my bottom lip between her teeth and sucks on it a little. I cup her ass, and give it a firm squeeze, and she moans. She breaks the kiss, and looks deeply into my eyes. I can tell just by lookin at her that she wants something.

"You know, Faith, it would be a little mean to let Missy sleep on the bed when Sasha's still in her crate." Oh no, fuck that shit. I was just thinkin about throwing this little Taco Bell dog wannabe off the bed so I could have my way with B, and now she wants both of the little ass licks up here with us? My eyebrows furrow a little, and she gets the biggest pout I've ever seen on her face. If she thinks that's going to work now she's gotta be fuckin brain dead. "Please, please, please Faith. Let them sleep in the bed tonight…" she gets a little glint in her eyes that can only be described as devilish. "…and tomorrow I'll rock your world." I try not to smile 'cause what she said was pretty lame, and to be honest I think I am too tired to fuck tonight. Buffy went shopping with Willow 'cause of all the after Christmas sales so I had the kids by myself today. Whoever thinks bein a stay at home mom is easy needs to be punched in the head.

"Whatever, I don't care," I say and she lets out a little squeal. She can be so girly sometimes. She leaves another thank you kiss on my lips, but this time it doesn't grow into anything more. She jumps off the bed, and gets Sasha out of her crate. Poor thing was probably perfectly happy with where she was and now she's in Buffy's arms whining like someone took away her favorite toy. By the time she gets back to the bed I'm already under the covers and laying on my side. I may be too tired to fuck, but B picked the dogs over me, and I'm gotta admit that it stings a little. G Spot, yeah I'm still gonna call her that even if it's not out loud, is curled up by my back. Little runt doesn't wanna leave me, but can ya blame her? I am fuckin awesome after all. She better be careful because she might get crushed if I roll over in my sleep. That would definitely suck.


	84. Baby Of Mine

Two Months Later. FPOV

Ow, what the hell? Did something just poke my fuckin eye? I groan, and open my eyelids just enough to make little slits. I groan again when I see Joey just standin there starin at me. Why can't people just leave me the fuck alone? It's Saturday, what's so wrong with sleepin in on a Saturday? I didn't get home until three in the morning keepin this fuckin town safe from all the vamps, and teachin the juniors how to improvise when you get jumped without a weapon. It happens sometimes, and they gotta learn how to use what they got around them if they wanna live for a long time. My point is, I worked hard all day at the shop, and then I worked hard all night teachin the junior slayers, can't I get a fuckin break? I guess not since he just poked me on the forehead. It's not like I can just break his finger if he does it again, so I guess I gotta find out what he wants.

"What?" I ask, and it sounds kinda like a whine. What? I'm tired, it's not like I can control how my voice sounds when I'm all fuckin tired and shit. Back the fuck off, won't ya? He doesn't say anything though. He just sticks his thumb in his mouth and keeps starin at me. Who's idea was it to have him? 'Cause this kid is fuckin weird. B's the one that gave birth to him, so I'll just blame it on her. She's probably the one that sent him up here. She can be so fuckin passive-aggressive. She thinks that if she can't sleep in, I can't sleep in, and instead of coming up here and waking me up herself she sends one of the kids to do her dirty work for her. Addy must be busy playin in the backyard if she passed on torturing me for a while. "Where's your mom?" There's a small chance she didn't send him up here, and if that's the case then I'm not getting out of bed.

"In the kitchen," he says around his thumb. I don't know why he's suckin on this thumb all of a sudden. He started doin it about two months ago. He used to suck his thumb when he was a baby, but then he stopped after he got used to the pacifier, and for whatever fuckin reason he's doing it again. We're gonna have to try and get him to stop, though. He turned five two and a half weeks ago which means this August he's gonna be starting kindergarten. I have three kids and all of 'em are gonna be in school. How fuckin old am I again? Nevermind, don't answer that question or I'll fuckin kill ya. Since Joey's gonna be in school this fall, B has definitely been freakin out a little bit. All of her babies are growin up, and she's havin a hard time dealin with it. We already agreed not to have another kid. We don't got the money, or the space for another baby, and both of us are a little too old for our bodies to handle another pregnancy.

"Is she makin breakfast?" I'll get out of bed if there's gonna be food. Last night all I had to eat were two turkey sandwiches piled high with lettuce, tomatoes, whatever cheese was in the fridge, avocado, pickles, and mustard. Trust me, I could've had more, but then the post slayage hornies kicked in, and I went upstairs thinkin I was gonna get some. But B was already asleep and I didn't wanna wake her up. The last time I woke her up for sex she got really fuckin irritated, so not only did I not get any, but she was pissed off at me the next day. Anyway, Joey shakes his head no, and goes back to starin at me. "Does she want you to wake me up?" He nods his head yes, and I sigh. I look over at the clock and groan again. If she wants me out of bed at seven then she probably wants me to start working on the fence. She wants to plant another garden, but she wants a fence built first so the dogs won't be able to destroy it like Tucker and Ruby did.

"You wanna lay down with me for a little bit?" I ask him, and he shakes his head no. What a little fuckin traitor. He always wants to lay with B, and she always uses it as an excuse not to do shit. 'Sorry, babe, I can't load the dishwasher Joseph wants to lay down with me, will you do it tonight?' Yeah, that's the kind of shit she says, and it always fuckin works. Since B stopped babyin him he's gotten a lot more independent, but when he gets tired or he doesn't feel good he wants to cuddle with his mommy to feel comforted, and I'm not gonna deny my kid that just 'cause it's B's night to do the dishes, or the laundry, or vacuuming the living room, or takin the dogs for their walk, or helpin the other two with their homework. The only good thing is now she doesn't bitch about me not helpin out enough around the house when I don't feel like doin something 'cause she knows I'll throw that back in her face.

"Tell ya what, I'll give ya twenty bucks if you go away and let me sleep," I tell him, and he just sighs, reaches out his little hand, and pokes me on the forehead again. That's it, I'm sending all three of 'em to military school. They're slayers, they can handle it. "Fine, I'm up, I'm up. Stop starin at me, it's creepy." He keeps starin at me, and I sigh. I reach down and toss the blankets off me, and shiver a little when the cool air hits my warm skin. "There, ya happy now?" He nods his head yes, and walks out of the room. I have the weirdest kids. But at least they're not all brats like I was when I was little. If they were half as bad as me when I was a kid they'd already be in military school. Nah, I'd never be able to do that. I bitch about them being kinda irritating, and annoying, but I'd miss 'em way too much. Even when we send 'em over to Willow's for a sleep over so me and B can have sex without having to hold back I still miss 'em.

Anyway, I get out of bed and walk downstairs. As soon as I hear the sounds comin from the kitchen I wanna go back up to bed. They're not bad sounds or anything. Mattie's talkin to B about something, and Addy's laughing pretty hard, and Joey's makin some kind of weird fuckin noise, and that's probably why Addy's laughing, but it's a little too much noise when I'm this fuckin tired. And when I walk in there they're gonna wanna talk to me about stuff, and all I'm gonna be able to do is put my head on the table and try not to fall asleep, and they're gonna laugh and bug me even more. It's just a typical Saturday morning at my house, and you can bet your ass I love it. And why the fuck did Joey say B wasn't cookin? I can smell the bacon from here. As soon as I step into the kitchen Addy and Joey look over at me. I look into Joey's dark, soulful eyes and glare a little bit.

"How come you said she wasn't makin breakfast?" I ask and sit down at the table. It's too early for me to be standing. Ok, so I'm not really all that tired. I still got some pent up energy 'cause I didn't get to properly work off the hornies from last night. But still, I only got like three hours of sleep so I have the right to bitch about being woken up at seven in the morning. I glance over at B as she puts all the bacon on a platter and I sigh a little bit. It's only seven AM, and already she's gotten a shower, gotten dressed, and made breakfast. It's the weekend, dammit, we're all supposed to sleep in! But then again, little kids don't exactly understand the concept of sleepin in. That won't come until the teen years 'cause Mattie looks as tired as I feel.

"She wasn't making breakfast anymore, she was done," Joey says and goes back to makin that weird ass noise, and Addy starts crackin up again. Smartasses, all three of them are smartasses. I guess that's what happens when I get all involved with raisin 'em and shit. Then again they are half me, they have my genes, and sarcasm is a strong gene that runs in the Lehane blood, so even if Buffy raised 'em by herself they still would've turned out to be smartasses. Speaking of Buffy, she seems really fuckin perky this morning. I wonder what's got her in such a great mood. I know it's nothing I did 'cause I didn't wake her up after I got home. Anyway, she puts a cup of coffee down in front of me, and gives me a sweet kiss on the lips.

"Morning, baby," she says sounding way too chipper for seven in the morning. B is anything but a morning person so this is a little scary. "I know you didn't get in 'til late, but I didn't want your breakfast to get cold." She walks over to the counter, and grabs a plate. Then she walks back over to me, and puts it down on the table in front of me, along with a fork. Ok, wait a fuckin second. B not only got up really fuckin early, got a shower, got dressed, did her hair and make up, got the little ones dressed, and made breakfast, but she actually made up a plate for me? Who is this body snatcher, and where the fuck is my wife? "Don't give me that look. I do stuff like this all the time." Trust me, she fuckin doesn't. If she did shit like this all the time then I wouldn't be so weirded out. I mean, sure we make each other coffee in the morning, but that's like a common fuckin courtesy or whatever.

"Ok, if you say so, B," I say and take a little sip of my coffee. It's still pretty fuckin hot. Let's see, it's not my birthday 'cause that just happened a couple months ago. I'm not sick, so she isn't doing this out of sympathy. She wouldn't be this perky if my dad died, at least I fuckin hope she wouldn't, so she's not trying to butter me up before tellin me something bad. Valentine's Day was two weeks ago, so it isn't that. I don't know. I just don't know why the fuck she's in such a good mood this morning. It's not like I fucked her brains out and this is her way of thanking me. And I know you're gonna ask so I'll just get it over with: yeah, she thanks me for makin her come, my life is awesome or whatever. Now let's get back on track.

"Baby, aren't you gonna eat your breakfast? I made all of your favorites," B says in that little girl tone that she knows I like so much. It makes her sound innocent, and most of the time when she uses it she's either naked or wearin one of her sexy ass outfits. It never fails to turn me on 'cause I just wanna fuck her in all kinds of wrong ways to take that innocence away. God dammit, now the hornies are back. I can feel how wet I just fuckin got, and my clit's so hard that it fuckin hurts. Stupid Buffy and her innocent little girl voice that makes me wanna fuck her. I think we need to send the kids over to my dad's so I can work off these post slayage hornies properly. And by properly, I mean fuckin Buffy on the kitchen counter, then against the table, and again on the couch, and again a wall, and in the pool, and then the bed 'cause we'll start to get tired and need a little nap.

"Yeah, B. Just tryin to wake up a little more first," I tell her and she smiles. This is fuckin weird. Buffy never really pays attention to me when we eat. She's usually trying to get the kids to slow down so they don't choke to death. Slayer appetites, gotta love 'em. They're actually pretty fuckin bad. Mattie's thirteen, he's gonna be fourteen this July, and he's eating us out of house and home. Not only does he have the appetite of a slayer, but he's got the appetite of a teenage boy. We're buying a lot more snack stuff he can make himself when he gets home from school otherwise he goes hungry until dinner, and he'd eat more then all of us combined and still be hungry. I can't wait for him to turn sixteen so he can get a job and help us pay for groceries. That'll be fuckin sweet.

I take a bite of my omelet, and a little moan kinda sneaks out. Buffy made mine just the way I like it, nice and spicy. The bacon is also cooked the way I like it. B doesn't like her bacon as crispy as I like mine, and over the years I've just gotten used to makin it her way. She asked me about it before, and I guess I can explain it again. My dad used to cook breakfast for me before school, and he wasn't much of a cook. I mean, my mom used to do the cooking before she started hitting the sauce, so my dad used to always burn the bacon 'cause he was trying to make everything at once so it'd all be done at the same time. After a while I just got used to it, and then that's the only way I liked it 'cause it's how my dad used to make it. Ya know, how most people only really like their mom's cookin? Well it's like that.

I down more of my coffee, and look over at B. She has this look on her face that's turning me on even more. Her head's tilted down a little bit, and she's lookin up at me through her eyelashes. Her eyes are kinda dilated, and I know she can tell how turned on I am. She looks like she wants to knock everything off the table and fuck me on it. Damn, that would be so fuckin hot. I love it when B gets all aggressive. Maybe instead of me fuckin her all over the house, I'll have her tie my wrists to the bed posts so she can really have her wicked way with her. We haven't done that in a long time. I know it's because we haven't had a night to ourselves in a while. These kids are really cramping my style, but I love the hell out of 'em so it's not like that's gonna be changing any time soon.

Can you just imagine somethin like that? Me droppin the kids off at some orphanage and then explaining why to the person in charge, 'I really love my kids, I do, but with them around I can't have hot, loud, semi-violent sex with my wife so they gotta go'. Oh man, I almost wanna do that just to see the look on the person's face. I feel somethin rubbin up against my calf, and it snaps me out of my little daydream. I look over at Buffy and she has a little smirk on her face and I know exactly what's going on. She's rubbing my calf with her big toe. Yep, that's right, we're in our thirties and she's playin footsie with me. And I wouldn't have it any other fuckin way. But the question still remains: why is she in such a good fuckin mood? I wanna know dammit! Even if it wasn't something I can take the credit for, I don't care. The answer could be there's an all day shoe sale she plans on hittin up and I'd be ok with it as long as I get some when she gets back.

"Ok, B, what gives?" I ask and put my fork down. This has gone on long enough. She's makin it clear that she wants to fuck me, and we're definitely gonna have a quickie somewhere in this house while the kids play outside 'cause dammit I'm so horny I can barely see straight, but that's so far beyond the point.

"What are you talking about Faith?" she asks and bats her eyelashes. Oh, so now we're gonna play twenty questions? Ok, fine, we can do that if she wants. Can't she tell I'm totally fuckin confused, and a little irritated and I just want an answer? Of course she can, retard, that's why she's acting like this.

"Don't act all innocent with me, Buffy Anne, I know something's up, and I wanna know what." The room's gone dead fuckin quiet, and I glace over at the kids. They got confused little looks on their faces like they don't know what to think. I guess they're not sure if we're fighting or just fucking around 'cause B's acting all girly and coy, and I'm all agitated. I'm not really pissed off at her for being this way, but when I'm turned on and can't get what I want right away I tend to get a little cranky.

"I do not know what you're talking about," she says with that little half smile she knows I like so much. And before I can say another word her foot quickly makes it way up my leg, and the tips of her toes are pressed against my crotch. It takes every fuckin ounce of willpower in my body not to visibly react to that. My heartbeat is fuckin racing though, and I just got way wetter.

"I'm not complainin or nothin 'cause I like to see you happy…" I trail off when she starts to very slowly move her toes. My mind is in a fuckin haze right now. See, I didn't get dressed before I came downstairs, and these pajama bottoms are made out of some really thin material, and I never wear panties to bed, so the only thing separating her big toe from my throbbing clit is a very thin layer of fabric. "But, umm…." What the fuck was I sayin? I lick my lips, and try to keep my breathing normal. I don't want the kids thinkin something's up. "But why are you so……happy?" She lets out a little chuckle, and just like that her foot is gone.

"Ok, I was going to wait until later but I might as well give it up." Fuck yeah, I'm getting myself some pussy! "Willow called my cell phone at four in the morning and left a message." Or maybe not. What the fuck does Willow have to do with any of this? "She said that Sky went into labor last night, and she's going to call when the baby is born." Holy fuckin shit! No wonder B's in such a good mood. She's been waiting for her little niece to be born so she can spoil her rotten and pay Willow back for all the times she gave our kids candy and got them all hyper. Oh man, this is gonna be so awesome.

"If Aunt Willow is my aunt, what will that make her baby?" Addy asks and takes a really big bite of her scrambled eggs. B went all out with this breakfast, and we all got our favorites, not just me. Mattie's not lookin too happy with his French toast though 'cause B's French toast does kinda suck. I'm the one that always makes that 'cause I fuckin rock at it.

"She'll be your cousin," Buffy tells her, and she's practically shaking she's so excited. I've only seen Buffy like this a handful of times, and I've loved it every time. I like seein her this happy, and later on we're definitely going to fuck so hey, it's working out for both of us. "Can you believe it, Faith? There's going to be another little baby for us to spoil rotten." Yeah, 'cause our kids are just so rotten. Yeah, right. These guys are far from spoiled. I've made damn sure of that. "Do you think maybe we can-"

"No!" me and Mattie yell out at the same time. Buffy's eyebrows furrow a little and she looks over at our first born. He sinks down in his chair a little and just stares at his plate. Yeah he can try all he wants, but he's not turnin invisible anytime soon. I know he doesn't think that he's in trouble. If he thought that he'd be actin all defiant. Nope, he knows what's coming, and he has no one to blame but himself.

"I didn't know I needed your permission. Awww, come on Matt, please? Please, can I have another little bundle of joy?" B says in her baby voice. She can be such an ass sometimes, but it's funny. Mattie rolls his eyes and sinks a little lower in the chair. I guess he doesn't feel like makin with the witty banter. This kid definitely takes after me 'cause he always has something funny to say. But not this morning. I guess it's too early for thinkin up comebacks.

"Nasty smelling diapers, screaming in the middle of the night, you complaining about your boobs hurting, and crying all the time 'cause you think you're fat. Yeah, that sounds awesome. Go right ahead," Matt says and I snort into my cup of coffee. Told ya this kid takes after me. B doesn't look so amused but I know she's laughing on the inside. I know that because she's biting the inside of her cheek. She only does that when she's trying not to laugh.

"Mom, who was the best baby?" Addy asks and I sigh. Lately everything with her is a competition. And I do mean everything. She always tries to be done with her meals before the other two, she tries to brush her teeth better then the others, she tries to get her homework done before Mattie, and she tries to be the first one to give us a hug and a kiss by before they leave to catch the bus to school. That doesn't sound too bad 'cause she's doing all the stuff she's supposed to do, but when she isn't the first one done she freaks out because she didn't win, and when she does win she gloats and instigates fights with Joey.

"I was," B says without missin a beat and I have to hide my smile behind my cup of coffee or Addy will get pissed. "Anyway, I figure we can drop the kids off at your dad's, and go to the hospital to see Willow and Sky. Even if it's just for a couple of minutes. She's my best friend, I should be there right now." She's starting to look a little worried, like maybe she's failing at the best friend job or something. And trust me, being a friend is definitely a job. At least it feels like it sometimes. Anyway, I reach out with my foot and rub her calf just like she did to me earlier. She's wearing a dress so I get to touch her unbelievably soft skin. I don't know how she does it, but her skin is always really fuckin soft. Like an angel or something. Oh my God that was lame. It's way too fuckin early for me to be up.

"It's ok, babe. She knows you have your own stuff to deal with," I tell her and very gently rub her leg. She looks a little more relaxed now, and I'm glad. The last thing I'm prepared to deal with right now is a Buffy-spazz-attack. "Call her after breakfast, and then I'll talk to my dad. I think he has plans today, but I dunno." Her face falls a little bit, and I feel a little bad now. Why do I feel guilty 'cause my dad might have plans? This is bullshit. But I gotta make it better 'cause she was so happy just a second again. "But if he does I'll watch the kids and you can go see Will yourself. I can see her later." Don't get me wrong, Red and I have gotten closer over the years but she's B's best friend not mine, so it's more important that Buffy go see her right now.

"Aw, thanks babe. You're the best," B says, and gives me another sly little grin. It's a grin that's full of promises and I know she's going to thank me later. And who am I to deny her gratitude? Things have been kind of hectic lately, and it's been a while since me and B have had sex. And by a while I mean two and a half weeks. But I guess it's gonna be happening tonight if this morning is an indicator of things to come. I keep looking into her eyes as I wrap my lips around my fork and very slowly pull off the bite of omelet. I give her a little wink just for good measure, and her smile gets a little bigger.

"Geez, get a room," Mattie says and rolls his eyes. I give him a little glare, but he just rolls his eyes again. The kid can be a punk sometimes, but he's not ashamed of us or anything. He's always the first to say something if someone out in public has a problem with me and B holdin hands. He's always been like that though. When he was three, we went for a walk in the park some people started cat callin after I gave B a little kiss on the lips. So Mattie picked up a rock and threw it at them. If he was a normal three year old it wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but he's not normal, he's a slayer. The rock almost broke the guy's shin, and he had to go to the hospital. He doesn't throw rocks anymore, but he always has something to say when people can't mind their own business.

"Hey, good advice. We might take you up on that later," I say and he gets a grossed out look on his face. What, I'm just supposed to take his sarcasm and keep my mouth shut? I don't fuckin think so. I know the last thing a kid wants to think about is their parents having sex, B told me how she freaked when her mom went out on that date a couple days before she died, but I don't really give a damn. He shouldn't dish it if he can't take it. "I'll make lunch and dinner, so don't worry about being gone for too long." B smiles and this time it's one of her warm Buffy-smiles. Ya know, the ones that make you feel all gooey inside 'cause she's sending that smile your way? Ok, well maybe you don't since she's never smiled at you like that. She better not have, that's for fuckin sure or I'll knock all your damn teeth out.

"Thanks babe," she says, and takes the last bite of her breakfast. She gets another smile on her face, but this one is her sneaky smile, and now I'm a little scared. I hate it when she gets that smile on her face. "There's some stuff that needs to be done around here today, you think you can take care of it?" And she's using her sweet little girl voice again. What can I say? The woman knows how to manipulate me. "I made a little list and put it on my nightstand. If the kids are too much for you, we can always do it tomorrow." She starts clearing the plates and I just nod my head. I probably won't do any of the shit that's on her list 'cause the stuff she wants done doesn't really need to be done right away. Like cleanin out the gutters, and mowin the lawn. The dogs got into the garbage last night and they both smell like ass so they've been banished to the backyard. I'm gonna give them a bath, and consider my chores done.

I watch as she starts doing the dishes and I can't help but smile. It's crazy how much I love this woman. Sure she can bug the fuck out of me, and sometimes I wish I could just leave for a couple of weeks to have some space, but this chick is my life. I'd still be nothing but a scumbag without her. I honestly don't know how I haven't fucked this up, and trust me I know how lucky I am to still have her in my life. And tonight I'm going to show her exactly how much I appreciate her, and how she makes me feel. Alright so let's review the facts: B's going to the hospital to be with Willow and she's gonna be gone all day even if she says she'll be back soon. It's a Saturday so I don't have anywhere to be. The kids seem to be in a good mood, except for Addy 'cause she wants to go with B to see Willow, but B told her no. Unless an apocalypse comes along today is turning out to be a pretty fuckin good day.

WPOV

"Willow, everything is going to be ok. I promise, everything will be alright," Buffy says, and wraps her arms around me in what's supposed to be a comforting hug. I highly doubt anything would comfort me right now, especially a hug and reassuring words. Does she honestly think everything is going to be alright just because she says so? What does she think she can do, come in here, give me a long speech about never giving up hope and then PRESTO, everything is magically right like it should be? She used to give long speeches back in Sunnydale after Glory took Dawn, and look what happened: she died! Oh Goddess, she's probably dead. What if she's dead and I never get to see her again?

"You don't……know that," I get out between sobs. Buffy doesn't say anything else. Her grip on my shaking body tightens, and she holds me while I cry. How can this be happening? This was supposed to be a happy day, and now everything is out of control. I should have seen this coming, dammit! This is all my fault. I could have stopped this if I hadn't been so stupid. We should have been doing rituals, and contacting the coven, and making sure everything was ok. But what did we do? We put rubber buffers on all our hard furniture so the baby won't hurt her head when she starts learning how to walk, and we put stupid little baby locks on all of our cupboards so the baby can't get into them. The baby won't even be crawling for at least eight months according to the chart the doctor gave us! I can do all of that stuff which is going to be completely useless for months, but I can't make sure that giving birth to our baby isn't going to be dangerous for Sky?

"Willow, you can't break down like this. Not yet. Sky needs you, Will. She needs you to be strong," Buffy says and runs her fingers through my hair. Does she hear herself? Sky isn't here anymore. The doctors rushed her out of the room so how exactly am I supposed to be strong for her when she's not even here? "I know it's hard. Remember what happened after Faith gave birth to Addison?" I don't respond to that at all because I know what she's doing and it's not going to work. "She had a heart attack, Will, and she died right there in front of me. They had to rush her away, and I didn't know what was going on. And you told me that I had to be strong for her, and for our newborn baby. So you need to be strong, Will. Be strong for your fiancée, and for your new daughter." She just doesn't understand! I force myself to calm down, and take a few shaky breaths. I hope I'll be able to get this out without breaking down in tears again.

"You don't get it, Buff. This is all my fault," I tell her, and from my perch on her shoulder I can feel her shake her head. Is she really that blonde? Can't she see the truth for one second instead of seeing what she wants to see? She always does that, and it's so annoying. "Yes it is, Buffy. The coven always said that if I gave birth all the magic would kill me because the baby would be way too powerful, but I never thought that anything would happen to Sky. All we've been doing is worrying about the baby, and getting the house ready for the baby, and I never once stopped to think about Sky." Buffy runs her fingers through my hair like she thinks that's going to make me feel better or something. I know we're best friends, and I love her in the strictly platonic, best friend way, but if she thinks that's going to comfort me then maybe she doesn't know me as well as she'd like to think.

"Willow, that is not true. You've been worrying over Sky ever since she started having contractions and had to go on bed rest. You couldn't have anticipated this happening, no one could," she says softly, and fresh tears spring into my eyes. I should have known it was more then just stress. Every time she had a contraction something magical would happen. And I don't mean magical as in something spectacular would happen and the only way to describe it is magical. I mean, she'd turn something into something else. Like Joey into a puppy, or Faith into a blonde. I should have known that it was the baby doing all of those things, and not Sky. If the baby was powerful enough to do transmutation from the womb then she'd have too much magical energy to pass through the birth canal. Well, she did pass through the birth canal. It took her twenty-nine and a half hours, but she did, and she's ok. It's Sky that's suffering because I was too blind to see what was right in front of me.

"But I didn't do anything about it, Buffy. I worried, and I helped her out around the house, but I didn't do anything, at least nothing that really mattered. I should have looked into it, found out what was really causing her contractions. That was a sign, Buff. It was a sign that something bad was going to happen and I didn't notice it. I'm supposed to be this all powerful Wicca, I almost destroyed the world, and I changed the slayer line forever, and I don't even notice when my fiancée is showing signs that there's something wrong; something magically wrong." I feel more tears build up, but I fight them back. I'm not trying to take Buffy's advice, and be strong because I don't have enough strength to do that. I just don't want to cry anymore. I'm so sick and tired of crying. I think I've cried enough for one lifetime. She remains quiet for a minute, and I let out a little sigh. Why does everything always have to be so hard? Why can't things be easy for once?

"Remember when Sunnydale went boom, and you told me you were afraid of starting a relationship with Faith even though you wanted it so bad, and I said you need to just put yourself out there?" I feel her nod her head, and I choke back a sob. "You told me that everyone you care about ends up dying, and I thought you were just being melodramatic 'cause you do that sometimes." She chuckles a little and I feel like I should be mad at her for laughing, but I'm not. I don't know if that's a good sign or not. "But I get it now. There was Angel, and Parker, and Riley, and then Spike, and I get why you wanted to give up. I didn't want to understand it. I thought I did so I could help you out, but I didn't want to know this, Buffy." She tightens her grip on me a little more, and it almost hurts. I can feel her lips close to my ear, and she's making some soft shushing sounds just like she does with her kids when they're upset.

"I know, Will. I didn't want you to get it either, but this isn't like that. You can't give up on her. We don't even know what's wrong yet," she says, and I can feel her lips moving against my ear. I'm focusing so closely on her mouth, and the hot breaths puffing against my skin because it's a very wanted distraction at the moment. If I don't focus on that, then I have to think about everything else, and I don't want to think about all of that right now. It's too hard. Why can't all of this just go away? I don't want to have to deal with the reality that my fiancée is probably dying, and I'm going to have to raise our daughter all by myself. So instead of thinking about that I'm focusing on Buffy's breath, hot and soft against my ear. What if I did turn back time? It's not as difficult as it sounds. I could probably do it right now if I focused.

"No, Will. Whatever you're doing, stop," Buffy says and grabs onto my biceps. Great, there goes my concentration. "I know you want to magic your way out of this, but doing that could have serious consequences. Remember what happened when Tara died?" Of course I fucking remember! Who does she think she is bringing that up to me? Like she's Miss Perfect. Like she's never made a mistake before in her entire life. God, if this is what Buffy always sounded like to Faith senior year no wonder Faith went insane, and started killing people. "You can't use magic to try and fix this. You don't even know what's wrong." How can she say that I don't know what's wrong? I know exactly what's wrong. My fiancée is probably dying, that's what's wrong. She needs to be ok, and I can make her ok again. I move away from Buffy and roughly pull my arms out of her grasp. I have a glare on my face and she looks a little surprised.

"Don't you ever bring up Tara to me again," I say, and I'm surprised the venom in my voice wasn't tangible. I bite back what I really want to say because if I do say it I don't think our friendship will be the same. We've pulled through a lot of bad situations, but saying exactly what's on my mind right now might be the straw that breaks the camel's back. She gets a guilty look on her face, and she nods her head. She brought up Tara on purpose to try and humble me, but all it's done is make me feel angry. How can one person go through so many emotions in such a short amount of time? Less then five minutes ago I could barely hold myself up I was crying so hard, and now I'm angry enough to magic my fist through a wall. I'm about to do something, anything to get this boiling rage out of me but before I can I see the doctor rushing towards me. She doesn't look sad, so that's a good sign, right?

"Ms. Rosenberg," she says, and glances over at Buffy for a second. "Your fiancée started hemorrhaging, that's why we rushed her out of the room so quickly. We had to open her up, and we found a bleed in her uterus." Oh Goddess, she was bleeding to death? I think I'm going to faint. I feel Buffy's hand softly rub the small of my back and my entire body tenses up even more. I'm not mad at her anymore because I'm too worried about Sky to feel anything else, but I don't want to be touched by anyone right now. "She lost a lot of blood, but not enough to need a transfusion. We don't know what caused it, but we've repaired it, and she's going to be just fine." I let out a huge breath that I didn't even realize I was holding. Thank Goddess she's going to be ok. I have no idea what I would have done if she wasn't. "She's still unconscious from the anesthesia, but you can go sit with her if you'd like."

"Yes, please," I say, and I can't control my voice so I sound like I'm begging. I'm not against doing that at this point. I'd beg, plead, and lie to anyone to see my fiancée right now. I'd even use magic to alter their perception so they think something else is happening if it meant getting to go back into Sky's recovering room. But it doesn't matter because I don't have to do that, so I guess I can stop rambling about it. I follow the doctor, and I hear Buffy walking behind me. I guess she's going to be coming with us. I don't really care right now as long as she doesn't get in my way. She probably just wants to see for herself that Sky is ok. That's the thing about slayers: they rarely believe anything unless they see it with their own two eyes. Why am I still talking about this? We stop in front of the doorway, and Dr. Rubin turns to face me. Why is she stalling? Why can't I just go in there?

"You can stay with her as long as you like. The anesthesia should wear off soon, and I'm sure she'll want your face to be the first one she sees," she tells me with a small smile. I force myself to smile back at her just to be polite. Then she glances over at Buffy, and for some reason she doesn't look too happy. "Visiting hours end in an hour." I don't know if Buffy had the chance to say something back before the doctor walked off because as soon as she said the thing about visiting hours I was opening the door to Sky's room. All of the breath is forced out of my body when I see her lying there. She's hooked up to all kinds of machines, and the soft beeping noises are the only thing I can hear. Sky isn't very much bigger then I am, about two inches taller and ten pounds heavier, and she's gained a lot because of the pregnancy, but right now she's never looked smaller.

"Will, you ok?" I hear Buffy ask, and she puts her hand on my shoulder. I nod my head, and step into the room. I don't think I can talk right now. At least not without crying again, and I really don't want to do that anymore. The walk towards Sky's bed feels like an epic journey of some sort. I'm sure I could write a poem about it, and it'd be longer then The Odyssey. I sit down in the plastic chair next to her bed, and I very gently hold onto her hand. My tear ducts don't care that I don't want to cry anymore because as soon as my hand touches hers tears spring into my eyes, and start cascading down my face. I feel Buffy softly rub my back and all it does is make me cry harder. "Don't worry, Will. The doctor said she's going to be just fine." I love Buffy, really I do, but she can be really dense sometimes.

"I did this to her," I say around my sobs, and Buffy awkwardly hugs me from the side. She tries to tell me that it's not my fault, but I interrupt her. She needs to understand that this is my fault. I need someone to know what I've done. "No, Buffy, you don't understand. I did this to her. She didn't want to have a baby. I mean, she wanted to be a mom, but she wanted to adopt. I was the one who wanted a baby so bad. All I wanted was a little baby that was ours. She gave in, and said that we'd have one of our own, but then try to adopt another. I did this to her Buffy. I did this." She starts making those quiet shushing sounds again, but they sound completely hallow. It's like she's making them because she doesn't know what else to do instead of making them because she's trying to calm me down.

She doesn't say anything, and I continue to cry. All of the stress of the day has taken its toll on me, and now it's finally being release, and I can't make it stop no matter how hard I try. I stop trying to fight it after a couple of minutes. I deserve to feel like this. I deserve to cry so much my eyes feel like they're on fire, and I deserve to have my throat hurt so bad it feels like someone rubbed the inside with sandpaper. I deserve it all and so much more because I was so selfish. I wanted to have a baby of my own so bad that I almost killed my fiancée. We could have adopted like she wanted, and given a child in need a really good home, but I refused to see it her way. Why do I always do this? Why do I have to be so damn stubborn all the time?

"Will, I'll be right back, ok?" Buffy says after who knows how long. My sobs have died down to an occasional hiccup, and the tears have stopped flowing like a fountain. "I promise, I'll be back as soon as I can." I just nod my head, and she leaves a little kiss on my temple before she gets up and leaves the room. I don't know why it happens, but when she leaves I feel a little better. I know how horrible this is going to sound, but I really don't want her hanging all over me right now. I wish she would just go home, and leave me alone for a while. I know she's worried about me, and she's only trying to help, but I need some space right now from everyone who isn't my fiancée. I just want to watch over Sky and make sure that nothing else happens.

She looks so peaceful lying in the bed, almost like she's just sleeping and she didn't almost die. I can't believe all of that happened. It's like I know it happened, but my mind refuses to process it and feel the full weight of what that really means. She's probably going to hate me when she wakes up. She's going to say if I had just listened to her then none of this would've happened. She's not going to want to see me anymore, and I don't blame her. I almost killed her so I deserve way worse then the silent treatment. I've only gotten the silent treatment from her a couple of times over the years and it was brutal all four times. I couldn't stand her not talking to me. Sky and I talk all the time about almost everything, so to have her be in the room with me but not saying anything was really hard.

"Baby, it's me," I tell her, and very gently caress her face. The doctor said the anesthesia should be wearing off soon, but I don't want to wake her up if she's really sleeping. She's been through so much today. Much more then anyone should have to go through in one day, so I want her to get as much rest as possible. And I know it sounds a little selfish, but I want to spend some time with her like this before she wakes up and tells me how mad she is. This might be the last time in a long time I'll get to hold her hand, or caress her face, and I just want to savor these moments, you know? She's all I really have, and I know I screwed up so much, and I'm going to make it up to her. I don't know how yet, but I'm going to try my hardest to make this up to her. I have to, there's no way I could go on without doing it. "Sky, baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. There aren't enough words in any language that could describe how sorry I am."

She stays asleep, and I take back what I said earlier. I don't want her to keep sleeping. I want her to wake up so I can look into her beautiful eyes, and hear the sound of her voice, and know for myself that she really is ok. Even if she's pissed off at me because of what I did it would be better to see her awake and angry then just lying here like she's in a coma or something. Oh Goddess, what if the doctor was wrong and she lost too much blood and she's going to be in a coma for years and years and years, and then one day she wakes up and she thinks everything is still the same and she just can't handle the huge time difference and never adjusts and she kills herself?…………Ok, self, it's time to calm down. The doctor wasn't wrong, she's not in a coma, she's going to wake up soon, and everything will eventually be ok. Now if only I could sound a little more convincing. I think even unborn babies in China know that I don't believe what I'm thinking.

"Hey," I hear someone say in the doorway. I turn and see Buffy standing there with a little smile on her face. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out why. She's holding a little bundle in her arms, wrapped up in a pink blanket, and moving around a little bit. My stomach clinches, and my entire body tenses up. She slowly walks towards me, and the closer she gets, the tenser my muscles get. It's kind of like when you hold two magnets together and they try to push themselves apart. "I convinced the nurse to let me bring her in here. I thought maybe you could use a little cheering up." My temples start throbbing so hard that a wave of dizziness washes over me, and I have to close my eyes, and wait for it to go away. "Will, are you alright?" I open my eyes, and she's standing four feet away from me. That's way too close for comfort.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lie, but I don't want her to worry about me. Buffy's spent most of her life worrying about the wellbeing of other people. I don't want to add to that. "Buffy, please, take her out of here. I can't handle it right now." She just stares at me for a few seconds with a confused look on her face. I get that she wanted to make me feel better, but I really wish she would just leave. I'm sure if it were Faith lying here in this hospital bed instead of Sky then Buffy would want to be left alone with her. "Buffy please, take her away." I didn't mean for my voice to sound so harsh, but there's only so much a person can take, and my nerves have been ground pretty thin.

"Ok, Will," she says in that voice like she's surrendering. I hate it when she sounds like that. It's so condescending. Then she gets a look on her face that I'm all too familiar with. She does this whenever she's about to try and make someone feel guilty. She does it to Matt all the time when he complains about doing his chores. "But you can't avoid her forever." My baby starts whining and Buffy gently pats her on the butt. She probably doesn't even realize she's doing it. She's had three kids, the butt patting is like second nature to her now. "I get that you're upset, but the doctor said Sky is going to be fine." She looks down at my baby in her arms, and another small smile tugs at her lips. Then she looks up at me, and the smile is gone so fast I'm not sure it was there at all. "You can't avoid her forever. You're her mother, she needs you." I sigh, and tuck my hair behind my ears.

"Buff, stop with the guilt-tripping," I say and make sure that my voice is calm and gentle. I really don't want to start a fight with her. "I can't look after my fiancée and bond with my daughter at the same time." I look up at her, and a fresh batch of tears stings the corner of my eyes. Her expression softens, and she looks a little guilty. I guess she just now realized she made a big mistake bringing the baby in here. "Please, Buff, just for now." She nods her head, and looks down at the baby again. I don't want to look at her yet. I saw her for a few seconds after Sky gave birth, but Sky started bleeding, and the doctor told a nurse to take the baby out of the room. I don't want to meet my baby for the first time while her mother is still unconscious from surgery. I want to meet my baby for the first time when Sky can meet her too.

SPOV

I open my eyes and the world around me seems way too bright. I have to squint against whatever light source is causing this. I don't feel warm so it's not the sun, and there doesn't seem to be a place that's brighter then the rest so I don't think it's any kind of bulb. My eyes burn as they slowly adjust to my surroundings. When I can finally see I take a slow, very thoughtful look around. Something is totally off. I don't know what, but something definitely isn't right. The grass is a strange neon green, like someone came in here and messed with the contrast or something. The sky is also a weird shade of blue, and there's a sickly sweet smell of wild flowers dancing in the gentle breeze. I can hear the sound of wind chimes floating in the air, but I can't tell where they're coming from. It's almost like they're on all sides of me assaulting my ears.

Other then the art department being on E or something, all of this looks extremely familiar. A cold shiver runs down my back as I stare at the large oak tree. I'm standing in my backyard, but not the backyard of the house I'm living in now. No, this is the backyard of my old place in Oregon. I moved in here about three months after I was married to my husband. We planted this tree as a way to make this place ours. It's huge now, and it's making me feel really old. Do oak trees grow this fast or was it really that long ago? It doesn't feel like it was a long time ago. The sting of his death still lingers, and even though I love my life, and my love for Willow cannot be described with words, I still feel guilty about what happened.

Don't get me wrong, I did love him. I loved him very much, but I loved him the way you love your best friend. I didn't love him the way a wife is supposed to love her husband. But he loved me as more then just a best friend, and I wanted to make my parents happy so badly I would've done anything to get their approval. He deserved so much better then me. He deserved someone who wanted the same as he did. He wanted to start a family with me, and travel around the world, and sky dive together, and learn how to scuba dive, and all kinds of things. He wanted to have a life together, a real life, and I just wanted to make my parents happy. I didn't deserve him then, and I don't think I deserve what I have now. Women who get their husbands killed because they're in a sham marriage don't deserve to be happy. But enough with the depressive thinking.

I start to walk towards the back of the property. I'm not sure exactly why I'm coming down here since I really want to go inside the house and see what it looks like, but I just feel like I have to come down this way. I feel like time is moving extremely slow, and even though I'm walking at a normal pace I'm not getting where I need to go. It's almost like the ground is moving one way, and I'm walking in the opposite so it's taking twice as much work. The rest of the yard is just as strange looking. I know that it's strange, and it's not really supposed to be like this, but I can't remember how it is supposed to be. Maybe everything here is right and I'm the one that's messed up? That could be it, but at this point I'm not going to rule anything out. As soon as I get the back fence I stop, and take a look around.

"Helloooooooo down there!" I hear someone call out to me. I look up at the plum tree, and sitting at the very top munching on a plum is my brother, Storm. A huge smile spreads out across my face. I haven't seen my big brother since he moved to Europe about eight years ago. He never got along with our parents and he always did everything he could to piss them off. When he finally graduated from college he jumped at the chance to move overseas. It didn't matter what job it was as long as it got him as far away from Mom and Dad as possible.

"What are you doing? You're going to get hurt!" I shout out to him. Fruit trees don't have the strongest of branches. All of their energy and strength goes into growing the fruit. He takes another bite of the plum he's eating and pulls another one off the tree. He tosses it down at me, and I catch it with ease. It looks strange. It's not the normal dark purple that plums usually are. It's more like a hot, neon color, just like the grass and sky.

"We can't get hurt here. This is a safe haven!" he yells, and starts rocking back and forth on the tree branch to prove his point. I tense up just in case he does fall. I want to be ready to catch him otherwise he could get seriously hurt. But nothing bad happens, just like he said. I don't understand. This place doesn't make any sense at all. "When are you gonna turn that frown upside down, Glenda? The queen is coming home today. There's much to celebrate!" Has he been doing drugs in Europe? I don't remember Storm being this crazy.

"Since when do we bow down to a matriarch? I thought your entire existence was built upon defying her every wish?" I ask and he shakes his head. He throws another plum at me but this one isn't meant for me to catch. It hits me on the shoulder and he shakes his head some more. That actually kind of hurt. I think I'm going to climb that tree and kick his ass. I'm strong enough now that I'm a slayer.

"No, no, no, no, no, no. You're way behind. You need to catch up, little sister," he says and with the grace of a spider monkey he shimmies down the tree and lands about two feet away from me. How the hell did he do that? "That was act one. We've already passed three others and the intermission. When are you going to get your head in the game?" He takes a huge bite of the plum in his hand, and I can see some juice drip from his mouth down to his chin. He always was a messy eater.

"Wait, I'm confused. Are we in a play or playing a game?" I ask, and he drops all of the expression off of his face and gives me a blank stare. Quicker then I can block, he tosses the plum at me, and it hits me on the forehead. "Ew! It's all sticky." I wipe the slimy feeling from my forehead, but the stickiness doesn't go away. I guess I'm going to need some hot water and soap to get it off. "What did you do that for?" He rolls his eyes and puts his hands on his hips.

"Because you deserved it, that's why," he says and now I roll my eyes. He used to say that all the time when I was a kid. Whenever I did something bad he'd smack me on the back of my head 'because I deserved it', but he never tattled to Mom or Dad. He was only like that with me though, and I never really understood why. "The queen is almost here, and we shouldn't make her wait. So wipe that frown off your face or you'll be put in the stocks." The stocks, is he serious? He holds onto my hand and starts to walk forward, but I pull away. I don't know why but I'm really afraid of seeing this queen.

"We should just stay here. We can eat plums, and cast spells. Remember we used to cast spells down by the creek? Lady Tremaine won't catch us here, we don't have to worry," I say as fast as I can. I can feel the panic rising up inside of me, like a hand with sharp nails reaching out and wrapping around my throat. It squeezes harder, and it's getting difficult to breathe. I look into Storm's honey colored eyes, and he has the softest smile on his face. He gently wraps his arms around me, and gives me a little kiss on the forehead.

"Don't be afraid, little sister," he says in almost a whisper. "No one is going to hurt you, but if they try your big brother will be there to save you." He kisses me on the forehead again, and I can feel that strangling hand loosening its grip around my throat. With Strom around I don't need to be worried about anything because he's my big brother and he always takes care of me. He's been gone though, for so long, and he has no idea how much I've needed him. I want to be comforted by his words but I can't allow myself to. I take a step away from him, and I can feel the tears burning their way down my cheeks. I wipe them away with the back of my other hand. The salty liquid is a hot pick color. And just when I thought things couldn't get stranger.

"No he won't be," I manage to get out without sobbing. My voice sounds really strained from the tears wanting to be released. "He isn't here anymore, not even for the bad things. The lady and lord told me I was dirty, disgusting, a freak of nature. They cast me out all on my own, and where were you? Where were you, Stormy?" He gently wipes my tears away with his thumbs, and I let him even though I would rather pull away. I let him because this is what my big brother always used to do. He'd always help me dry my tears, he'd always cheer me up, he'd always try to fix the problem, but he hasn't tried to do that for me in a very long time. So why should I believe him now?

"You needed to learn," he says and gently takes the plum out of my hand. "You needed to stand on your own two feet and see that you could hold steady against the winds on your own." He gets another smile on his face, and holds the plum close to my mouth. "Now take a bite. I picked it ripe for you, straight off the tree of knowledge." I give him a skeptical look, and roll my eyes a little. He can be so stupid sometimes.

"That was an apple tree," I tell him, and he silences me by putting the fruit against my lips. I take a little bite, and the first thing I notice is how sweet it is. I know that plums have a lot of sugar in them, but this is almost too sweet. I slowly chew the bite, and after it's almost a liquid I swallow it down. The panicky feeling had been holding on by two of its sharpened claws, but now it's gone. I give Storm a little smile, and he tosses the plum over his shoulder.

"Now you've made us late. Rain will beat us there, and you know how much she likes to gloat," he says sounding mock-upset. He takes me by the hand again and we walk towards the tree. We're walking at a brisk pace, and even though we're getting really close now he's not slowing down. I fight against him a little bit, but his grip on my hand tightens a little bit. Not enough to hurt me, but just enough to let me know that I'm not going anywhere else. "Stop being a baby, we're going to miss everything." He sounds like an impatient child wanting to go on a ride at the fair or something.

We're right in front of the tree now and I'm struggling even harder, like an animal with its paw caught in a hunter's trap. I open my mouth to say something right before he hits the tree, but instead of hitting the tree he walks right through it. Ok, that was really fucking weird. Since when are trees walkthroughable? I'm pulled through the tree and it feels no different then walking through a doorway. A very small doorway that smells like plums, but still a doorway nonetheless. When I come out on the other side everything is completely different. I'm outside anymore, I'm standing in a room, and it's very familiar. The walls are a soft shade of lavender, the carpet is off-white, and everything else in the room is brightly colored. Nothing is the strange neon colors like they were outside. Everything in here looks how it's supposed to look. Something is different though, out of place, and I stop that right away.

"See, I told you she'd gloat," Storm says, and Rain looks up at us. She's sitting in a rocking chair, and she was smiling down at the little bundle in her arms. Now she's looking up at us with that 'haha, I was here first' look on her face. When we were little Rain could run faster then anyone we knew. In high school she took cross country, and track, and won first place in everything. So she always got to sit in the front seat of the car because the person who it made there first got shotgun. That was such a dumb rule. "Let's go meet our new queen." He starts to pull me towards Rain, but I struggle, and try to get away.

"I'm not ready," I say, and that panicked feeling is starting to come back. It isn't just in my throat, it's throughout my whole body, and I don't know how to make it go away. I want to run but Storm's grip on my hand is only getting tighter. "I'm not ready, Stormy. I'm not ready to bow down to a queen." He pulls me forward quickly, and stands behind me so I can't run away. He starts walking forward, and even though I don't want to I start walking forward with him. "Stormy, don't make me kneel to her." I try to turn around to face him, but he puts his hands on my shoulders to stop me.

"Little sister, don't be afraid. Her demands may be great, but the reward is much greater," he says and gently rubs my shoulders. "This is supposed to be a celebration." I can tell just by the look on Rain's face that Storm is making eye contact with her, and he probably doesn't look too happy. "I thought you said you were bringing paper hats?" Rain rolls her eyes, and once again I'm marveled at how stupid my siblings can be. Don't they see that I'm not ready to do something like this?

"I had to run interference with the court jester. It would have been the stockings for him for sure," she says, and looks down at the thing in her arms, and her expression softens. The entire village has come to see, peeking in the windows, and hiding under the beds trying to catch a glimpse of the festivities. Don't people understand this is a family affair?" It's official, both my brother and sister are completely insane. I think I'm going to call them after this and see what's been going on in their lives. Hopefully it doesn't involve mass amounts of drugs, and whoring. That would be bad.

"Ok, little sister," Storm says, and I feel his hands move down my shoulders until they're in the middle of my back. "It's time to play your part." Great, so we're back to that? I don't know what he's talking about, so how am I supposed to do that? Before I can say anything, he shoves me really hard. I stumble forward, and bump into Rain. I start to topple over, but I grab onto the arms of the rocking chair to hold myself up. I look into Rain's eyes, and I can see my reflection glaring back at me. She's breaks the contact though, by looking down, and the huge smile once again graces her pretty face. I follow her gaze downward, and right before my eyes connect with the thing everyone has been making a big deal about, a huge flash of white light blinds me.

The first thing I feel is pain. It's not a strong pain, it's faint but it's there, and it's hard to pinpoint exactly where it's coming from. It's almost like my entire body was set on fire, or I was hit by a bus, but I don't remember any of that stuff happening. The last thing I remember is feeling like I was going to explode from the pelvis down, and then I remember my brother eating a plum and talking about a queen. I think it's safe to say that was a weird, fucked up, no good, very bad dream. I'm not too sure about the other thing. I know something happened, something big, something I should be able to remember but my mind is fuzzy. A queen, a queen. He talked about a queen, but who is she, and why was I so afraid to see her?

The second thing I feel is a warm hand resting on my arm. It takes me a second to realize whose it is, but I know that it's Willow's hand. I know it is because whenever we touch I feel a tiny pulsation. The feeling is her magic, and since the feeling is about twice as strong it's safe to say she's feeding me some to make me better. But fuck if I know. She could be sending me something else entirely. I'm not exactly 100% right now so I can't really tell what she's doing. Or I could be the one doing this. Maybe subconsciously I'm drawing power out of her to heal my wounds. So I don't know exactly what's going on, but having her hand on me is comforting. It's comforting knowing that she was watching over me while I was completely defenseless, and the thought of her doing that is making me feel better. Well, it's putting my mind at ease, but this pain isn't going away.

I try to open my eyes but they're heavy. Magic never does that to me. Oh, this is just fucking great, I'm being drugged. I hate pain killers with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those stereotypical hippy Wiccans who believe some herbs and positive thinking will heal all. I'm a huge fan of modern medicine, but I hate being doped up on pain killers. They dull my senses, and slow my reaction time, and they always make my nose all itchy for whatever reason. I guess it's because my arms feel heavy, and weighed down. As soon as you can't move your hands your nose starts itching and all you can think about is wanting to scratch it. I'm not having that problem at the moment because all of this pain is serving as a distraction. Whatever I was given is starting to wear off, and that faintness I was talking about earlier is starting to go away. Maybe I do like pain killers after all.

I manage to flutter my eyes open a little bit, and at first all I can see is light. I blink a few times, and as my eyes adjust details start to come into view. At first all I see is the ceiling, but without moving my head I slowly look around. I see Buffy sitting in a chair that's against the wall directly across from the foot of my bed. It's also really close to the door and I know she's guarding the room even if she's not fully aware of it. That's just her slayer instincts. I look over to my left and I see Willow sitting in a chair right next to me. She looks completely exhausted, and I know she's fighting off sleep. I can tell because she has this deep look on concentration on her face as she stares down at something on the bed. She only gets that look for three reasons: either she's researching some demony thing, or she's working on a new product for work, or she's fighting off sleep. There is another reason, but I'm going to keep that one to myself.

I try to move my hand, but I can't yet. It's almost like I'm paralyzed but I can still feel all of the pain shooting through my nerves. I don't understand why. I thought the drugs were starting to wear off. I try to move again, and this time my middle fingers twitch a little. It's not much, but it's something. I need to be able to move. I'm a slayer, and we hate feeling confined, unless it's consensual, and trust me this isn't. I also want to be able to touch Willow back. I want to her to curl up next to me so I can wrap my arms around her, and hold her until I feel all better again. But it's not just that. There's another reason why I want to be able to move. I can't remember, and it's bugging the shit out of me. I should be able to remember this. Something huge happened today, and I should be able to remember. Storm called her a queen, there was a celebration for the return of the queen or something, but who is the queen?

"Baby, are you awake?" I hear Willow ask, but her voice sounds muffled. I really wish these stupid drugs would wear off. "Did you move your fingers, baby?" I try to say something, or nod my head but nothing else will move. Did Willow tell the doctors that I'm a slayer and they gave me the strongest stuff they've got? Because it sure as hell feels like it. "Sky, sweetie, if you're awake move your hand again." I move my fingers again like she asked and this time it feels stronger. Ok, so the drugs are going away. They're just not going away fast enough. Don't you just hate it when that happens? "Oh, thank Goddess you're awake. I was so worried." Why was she so worried? What the hell happened to me? I manage to open my eyes more, and now she's looking right at me, and I can see the relief in her big green eyes, but I also see something else. I'm not quite sure what it is though.

"Will," I say but it sounds more like a groan. That tiny vibration of sound hurt more then the rest of my body. My throat feels dry and scratchy. What the fuck happened to me? Willow holds onto my left hand, and she squeezes a little. I guess she's trying to calm me down or something. She knows me well enough to know that I'm panicking a little bit. You'd be panicking too if you woke up in pain and you couldn't move and you had no fucking idea why you're like this. Oh yeah, I'm totally freaking out. "Will, I need…." I have to stop talking because it hurts way too much. It felt like every syllable was slicing the inside of my throat with a razor blade. I want to tell her how much I need her, how much I want her to lay down with me, but I can't and it's very frustrating.

"No, shhh, baby. Don't try to talk. I know how much you hate it, but you're on a lot of pain meds right now. But you're gong to be ok. The doctor said you're going to be just fine. You'll rest and get all better and then we can take our little baby home. So you just rest up, ok, sweetie?" she says in one big breath. Oh my God, I had our baby! How could I forget something so monumental like that? I'm already a horrible mother. I forgot all about our child, I think that qualifies as being a horrible mother. That's the big pain I remember though. I remember feeling her working her way down the birth canal and it felt like I was going to die from the pain. But I also felt…good. Like I was part of something bigger then myself, and that feeling did give me a little bit of comfort at the time. Not enough to make up for what was happening, that's for sure. I start looking around the room, but I stop when I feel Willow's hand softly cup my cheek.

"Will," I say, and look into her eyes. I'm totally freaking out but for different reasons now. I can't see our baby anywhere. I need to see my baby. I need to hold her and make sure she's ok. I don't know if this is all maternal instincts or if some of this has to do with me being a slayer, but I need to see my baby now. I remember I didn't get to see her after she was born. I remember feeling really light headed all of a sudden, and the doctor started yelling, and then I don't remember anything. What the hell happened to me? "Where's the baby? Willow, I need to see her." I try to sit up, but I'm still too weak. I really wish these fucking drugs would wear off now! She takes her hand off my face and gently runs her fingers through my hair. Normally that would comfort me, but it's not going to work.

"Sky, calm down. She's ok. She's in the nursery and the nurses are taking care of her," she says, and sits down on the bed next to me. She holds onto my hand, but she doesn't stop stroking my hair. I really wish she would stop. "You had to have major surgery, that's why you're all loopy right now. But the doctor is going to come by to check on you, and then Buffy will get her so we can meet her, ok?" The look in Willow's eyes is so serious and so unwavering, that I almost feel like I have to believe her. I nod my head a little bit, and she leans forward and softly kisses my dry lips. When she sits up again the look in her eyes has changed. That's my Willow. She can change gears faster then anyone I know. "Do you need anything, baby? You need some water, or something to eat? Are you warm enough? Because I can have a nurse bring you some extra blankets, and if she doesn't then I can magic up some of the blankets in the world." He face is starting to turn a little red.

"Willow, take a breath," Buffy says and walks up beside her. She reaches out and rubs Will's back, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I know there's nothing but platonic love between them, but they have this bond from knowing each other for so long, and for being in so many life and death experiences together, and I can't help that I'm a little jealous of it. It's not that I don't want them being friends, but with a friendship like that there's also a cloud of uncertainty. Like, if there were a situation and Willow had to choose, would she choose me or Buffy? I'd like to think the answer would be me, but I kinda doubt it. She loves me, I know she loves me, and that should be the only thing that matters but the world isn't that black and white. "She just woke up, and she's drugged, I don't think she can understand you when you talk that fast." I hate it when people talk about me like I'm not in the room.

"Water would be nice," I say and cough a little bit. My throat is so fucking dry it feels like sandpaper. I really do think if I don't get anything to drink and soon then my throat will start bleeding. Well, if I don't get any water and I keep talking. Now that I'm more awake I want to talk. I want to ask Willow what happened, and find out what's going on with our daughter. I love Willow with all my heart, but I don't think I'll really believe she's ok until I can see her with my own eyes, and feel her with my own hands. I've been waiting so long to meet her, and it isn't fair that I'm being cheated out of it. Willow goes to get up but I grab onto her arm as fast as I can, which isn't very fast. I can't wait to not be on these drugs. "Baby, stay with me, please?" I'm glad Buffy was here for Willow because I'm sure Willow needed her best friend today, but now that I'm awake I just wanna be with my fiancée.

"Ok, sweetheart, I'll stay right here," she says in her reassuring tone. She lifts my hand up to her mouth and gives the back of it a little kiss. "Buff, you think you can hunt down a glass of water?" I look over at Buffy and I think she's on to what I'm really doing. Sure, I would like a glass of water so I can talk without the feeling of razors slicing at my throat, but what I want even more then that is some alone time with my Willow. Possessiveness is a slayer trait. I'm really not this much of an ass. Buffy nods her head and tells Willow she'll be right back. She starts to leave but right before she walks out the door Willow calls after her. "Hey Buff, can you tell a nurse she's awake? They probably need to check her vitals or something." I really, really hate it when people talk like I'm not in the room. Luckily Buffy disappears. There's only so much best friend time I can handle right now. "How are you feeling?" I gave birth, and had to be cut open, and she's asking me that?

"Sore," I say and chuckle a little bit, and that hurts my throat about a thousand times more then the talking. "That's the understatement of a lifetime." I try to smile a little to let her know that I'll be ok, but it hurts too much. My lips are dry and if I smile, they might crack open and start bleeding. At least that's what it feels like. Willow starts to say something but before she can someone walks in the room. We both look over at the intruder and I sigh a little bit. Great, I guess Buffy talked to a nurse before she went looking for some water. Ok, so I'm not really mad at her because getting a nurse was obviously the higher priority, but I wanted some alone time with Willow, and now that's gone. I don't know why I'm being so irrational about all of this. I know I'll get plenty of alone time with her. I mean, visiting hours have to end sometime, right?

"I know you're tired so I'll try to make this quick, ok?" the nurse says, and she starts to take my vitals. She checks my heart rate, and all of that stuff. I'm not too happy about it because it means Willow has to get off the bed to move out of her way. I don't like that at all. I'm drugged, weak, defenseless, and now some stranger is touching me. The slayer inside of me is screaming to move away and find someplace safe to rest and heal, and the safest place right now is at Willow's side. I'm not saying that just because I love her so damn much, but because of how powerful she is. I can feel her power radiating off of her in waves, and every fiber of my being is screaming at me to curl up next to it, to give into it, and let it protect me. For a slayer, that's a big deal because we like to be the ones doing the protecting.

"I'm sorry that took forever, but I guess there's a drought or something because the line for the water vending machine thing was like a mile long," Buffy says as she practically bounces into the room. She probably talked to Faith on the phone. She only gets that happy after she talks to Faith. Those two have been together for so long that seeing them so happy together gives me hope that love really can last, you know? They've been together for like, fifteen years or something like that. If those two can make it work I'm sure me and Willow can make it work. It's not like I'm having major doubts or anything. I'm not worried about the future……much, but you just never know what could happen and it's a little scary sometimes. When you're given something so good that makes you feel so happy the thought of losing it is really scary. Anyway, Buffy takes the cap off the bottle of water, but when she goes to hand it to me the nurse stops her.

"It says on your chart that you can't have any water. Not just yet," she says and Buffy puts the cap back on. Oh that is so not cool. This is like torture. It's like holding a piece of food just out of a dog's reach and then telling them to jump for it. It keeps jumping and jumping and jumping trying to get the food but no matter how high they jump it's just right out of their grasp. It's fucked up, that's all I'm saying. I glare at the nurse and I open my mouth to say something but she interrupts before I can. I hate it when people do that. "I'm sorry, Ma'am, I know you're thirsty but your doctor marked your chart no food and no water until she examines you." I can't believe she just called me ma'am. Now I know why Buffy hates it when people do that.

"Well this is just freakin awesome," I say, and I have tears in my eyes. My boobs are starting to hurt like a motherfucker. I guess they're ready to feed the baby, but my baby isn't here. This is so messed up. Why am I feeling like this all of a sudden? It's like all of my emotions just escaped from a little box, and now they're beating the hell out of me. "I didn't realize this hospital treated their patients like prisoners. What other rules do you have? Do I have to ask permission before I can pee?" She gets a little smile on her face and picks something up from the side of the bed. It looks like a little bag, and there's a small tube connected at the top.

"No, your urinary output is doing great," she says and gives me a little wink. What the fuck is wrong with her?! What kind of place hires nurses that mock the patients? As soon as I can walk I'm getting my stuff, and we're going home. I don't want to be in this place anymore especially if she's the one who's going to be looking after me.

"Put that down!" I say as loud as I can, which isn't very loud at all, and kick my legs a little. Well, I try to but the drugs haven't worn off completely yet so even though my mind is clear now my body is still slow. Both Willow and Buffy ask the nurse to leave, and Buffy even takes a threatening step towards her. Getting into a fight isn't going to do any good, but I keep my mouth shut. I just want that woman out of here. She apologizes and says she didn't mean to offend me she was just trying to lighten the mood. I don't care what she has to say, I just want her gone.

"Sky, sweetie, everything's ok," Willow says and sits down on the bed next to me. She holds onto my hand again, and I squeeze hers a little. I'm glad she's back at my side. She's already making me feel a whole lot better. "I know you're a little overwhelmed right now, but you have to try and stay calm, ok? You don't want to rip your stitches open or anything. That would be bad." Yeah, that definitely would be of the bad. I don't even know why I got so upset. It's like my emotions were in the driver's seat and I was locked in the trunk. That doesn't happen to me. I usually have more control over myself then that. But that nurse just made me so mad. First she ruins my alone time with Willow and then she says I can't have any water when I really need something to drink. What else could she have expected except anger?

"I'm sorry, Willow. I don't know what came over me," I say and wipe the tears away from my eyes before they have a chance to fall. Now that it's all said and done with I feel really stupid for getting so out of control so quickly. Buffy says something about 'welcome to motherhood' but I choose to ignore it. The last thing I need right now is another emotional bomb going off when I'm supposed to be recovering. I really need to see my baby. I have this almost uncontrollable need to find her. But if I can't even have water then I doubt they'll let me see my baby, at least not without talking to the doctor first. So I guess the only thing I can do now is keep my mouth shut so I don't yell at anyone else, and wait for the doctor to examine me. Oh yeah, this day just keeps getting more, and more awesome.

BPOV

"So is Sky gonna be ok?" Faith asks and takes another bite of Jell-O. We're both sitting on the kitchen floor in front of the refrigerator with the door wide open, and wearing nothing but the bed sheets. I got home from the hospital about two hours ago and I needed some cheering up. Faith is always more then happy to play cheerleader. At least metaphorically she is. I asked her one time to dress up like a cheerleader and said it would count as an early birthday present to me, but she refused. French maid, police officer, totally sexy librarian, and a Catholic school girl: yes. Cheerleader: no. She can be so weird sometimes. "Giving birth is tough enough, but needing surgery right after? That's gotta be wicked rough." She's right, it was definitely rough on Sky. She was in more pain then she would have been if she hadn't needed the surgery, and her hormones were all over the place. That mixed in with all the drugs they pumped her with and she was practically a ticking time bomb.

"The doctor said she will be, and because she's a slayer she'll heal faster then normal, but…. The look on her face when they told her she can't breastfeed until after she recovers and stops taking the pain meds, it was almost like the doctor kicked her in the stomach." I take another big bite of the Jell-O and let it melt in my mouth. I bought these for the kids' lunches but I guess I'll be buying more since we're working on the last two cups right now. Did we really just eat three cups of Jell-O each? If I didn't have slayer metabolism I'd totally feel fat right now. "But she'll be ok. She'll heal up, and they'll go home, and everything will be fine. We'll have another little baby around here to spoil rotten. The boys are at their dad's house for two weeks at a time, and your little sister is spoiled enough as it is." Faith snorts a little, and I look up to make sure I didn't hit that nerve too hard. She's fine, but I better change the subject. "I don't know what Dawn's going to do when the boys start school."

"She'll do what every other parent does when their in some weird arrangement: custody battle," she says and starts digging through the fridge. She finished her Jell-O but she's still hungry. I don't blame her. Eating this stuff is like eating air that tastes like strawberries. It's yummy but not very filling. It's kinda like eating Faith, only it's not as fun. "I don't know exactly how it'll work since he lives in California and Brat lives here. They'll have to work something out though." I nod my head and just watch as she rummages through my previously organized refrigerator. I'm not like an organizational freak, but I do like to keep things neat so you can find things quickly, and Faith is doing everything in her power to mess all of that up.

"I really hope that doesn't happen," I say, and when she finally emerges from the great depths of the fridge she has the leftovers from last night. Mmm, cold chicken enchiladas sound great right now. I scoot closer to her, and she doesn't miss a beat as she peels off the plastic wrap, and feeds me a bite. Right now my life is perfect. I just spent over an hour making love with my wife, and now we're camped out in front of the fridge eating whatever we can find. This is the definition of perfect, and the definition of bliss. Possibly even the definition of what bears do right before they hibernate. Anyway, I give her a little kiss on the lips and go back to eating my Jell-O. I don't move away from her though. I want to be as close as possible without making her feel crowded. Faith has a thing where she doesn't like other people getting too close when she's eating. I think it has to do with her childhood, but I'm not sure, and I'm not going to ask about it.

"Do you think she'd lose if they did have a big custody battle? The boys have been living with her since birth, and it's not like she's a crack head or nothin." My sweetheart sure does have a way with words, doesn't she? Most of the time she butchers the English language so much even I think she goes a little too far and we all know how I talk. But when she wants to she can say the sweetest, most romantic things. "Sweet, we got a can of Ready Whip. Pull your sheet down. I'll spray some on your boobs an' lick it off." Oh yeah, how I was able to resist all of this charm back in Sunnydale we'll never know. I give her arm a little smack and she just shakes up the can and pours some into her mouth. She swallows it all down in one big gulp and I shudder. That is so disgusting. I had no idea we even had a can of Ready Whip so who knows how long it's been in there. Good thing we're slayers, otherwise she might get food poisoning or something.

"I don't think she'd lose, but those things get very ugly, very quickly. She and Michael are talking and getting along, and I think it would be a shame for her to lose that. Things are stressful for her enough as it is without Michael adding to that. You've see how she is when the boys are at his house and she's all alone with Cashmere." Dawn took my advice about getting a dog to keep her company while the kids are away. After the first weekend they spent with Michael she went to the pound and adopted a little bit pull mix, and named her Cashmere. That dog is so spoiled sometimes I wish we could trade places for a day, or a week depending on how much the kids are acting up. "You think maybe we should start inviting her over more often? I don't like the fact that she's all alone for two weeks out of the month." She doesn't say anything, but she has a little glint in her eyes. "What are you thinking?" Trust me, I totally sound suspicious.

"I told you," she says and starts shaking up the can again. "I wanna eat some of this off your boobs." I just shake my head no and take another bite of my Jell-O. She can be such a freak sometimes. "Come on, Blondie, I'm not messin around. You better move the sheet outta the way or it's gonna get all messy." I try not to smile but it's pointless. I don't say anything though, as I put the cup of Jell-O down and grab onto the front of the sheet that's wrapped around my chest. She gets a smile on her face that I can only describe as predatory, and her right eyebrow lifts ever so slightly. "I'm gonna count to three, B, and it don't matter if that sheet is there or not, when I say three you're gettin sprayed." I give her the toughest glare I can come up with but it doesn't look very menacing since all I can really concentrate on is trying not to smile. "One." She starts shaking the can faster, and my shoulder muscles tense up a little bit. "Two." I really don't think she's playing around. "Three."

"Noooo!" I scream out around a fit of laughter as she lunges forward and tries to yank the sheet away from my chest. "Faith stop!" I start laughing harder when she brings the can of whip cream up and starts spraying it all over me. Some of it even gets down the sheet. "Oh God, it's cold!" I start wiggling around trying to get free but Faith has a really good grip on the sheet. My only option at this point is to lie back. Why? I don't know, but it seems like a good idea. So I topple backwards and since Faith has such a great hold on the sheet she comes with me. I hit the back of my head on the floor but not enough to hurt. When she lands on top of me all of the whip cream that did make it down the sheet is smashed between our bodies. And she just keeps on spraying. She gets it all over my collarbones, my neck, and in my hair, and I can't stop laughing. "It's cold, it's cold, it's cold!" That's the only thing I can really concentrate on right now.

"Shhh," Faith whispers and tries not to laugh at the same time. She takes her hand off the sheet, and covers my mouth. I can taste the cream and I think some of it just got up my nose. We both go dead quiet, as we look up at the ceiling. It's like we're a couple of rabbits huddled up together waiting to see if the wolves have found our hiding spot or if they'll just pass us by. Only what we're listening for isn't wolves. Oh no, they're much, much worse. They're the moment-wreckers, and if one or more of them wakes up they'll come in here and get pissed off because we were having fun without them. Well, Addison and Joseph will get pissed off. Matthew will just grab a bottle of Gatorade, tell us to get a room, and go back to bed. He might even mention something about his mental health being at risk, but he won't give us too much grief about it. "Ok, I think we're good." She's still whispering and I think it's adorable.

"Look at this. You made such a mess," I whisper and wrap my arms around her back. "I think this is why I said I wasn't going to buy that stuff anymore. You always make such a huge mess. You're a little kid." She slowly licks up some of the cream with the tip of her tongue, and I let out a little sigh. This is more then likely going to turn sexual, and that is something I do not have a problem with whatsoever. "Or not because if you were a little kid then what we're doing right now would be disgusting, immoral, and totally illegal." She chuckles a little bit, and continues to slowly lick up the cream. "I think I should go take a shower." I put emphasis on the word I so she'll know I don't want a sexy shower. I want just a normal shower where getting clean is the goal.

"Or…" she says and places a gentle kiss on my lips. There's a little bit of whip cream on the corner of her mouth, and after she pulls back from the kiss I very softly lick it off. I look into her eyes and they just dilated a little bit. I love it when I get to see that. "…you can stay right where you are, and we can clean this up the fun way." She kisses me again, only it's not like before. This isn't a sweet, chaste kiss by any means. This is a kiss of intent, and she's making her intentions very clear. She wants me, and she's going to have me. And like I said before: I do not have a problem with that whatsoever. We end the kiss when oxygen becomes a serious issue. She starts licking the cream off my neck almost right away, and I can't help but giggle a little bit. It tickles, so sue me.

"You still hungry, baby?" I ask as she starts to lick and suck her way down to my collarbone. "We got a whole fridge full of food if you wanna take a break." She makes one long lick along my left collarbone, and then she starts kissing me. Right away her tongue comes out and at first it's a little confusing because Faith isn't a drunken frat boy, but as soon as I open my mouth I taste what she's up to. I wrap my lips around her tongue, and slowly suck every molecule of the yummy dairy product off the hot, wet muscle. A long moan escapes the back of her throat, and it sends a shiver down my spine. Mmmm, maybe I need to start keeping this stuff in the house at all times. And I think we'll keep a bottle of it by our bed just in case we get hungry for a midnight snack. When all the cream is gone she pulls back from the kiss and looks into my eyes.

"I'm hungry, B," she says and leaves a little peck on my lips. "But not for food." It's my turn to moan like a porn star when she starts rubbing my pussy over the sheet that for God only know what reason is still wrapped around my body. I spread my legs as much as I can within the confines of the sheet, and she starts rubbing me a little harder. I kiss her with all the passion I have in my body. It's my turn to make my intentions clear, and with this kiss I'm telling her to take me, right now, and very hard. That was the green light she was looking for, and now she's trying to quickly but carefully unwrap me from the bed sheet that I made sure would cover everything. Why did I have to be so damn thorough?! The mummies of Egypt weren't wrapped up as well as I am right now. I start desperately whimpering my need for her, and it spurs her on. Soon the sheet is pulled away, nothing but a soon forgotten annoyance as she lies flush against me.

Instantly her lips are on mine again, neither one of us trying to dominate the kiss, but instead trying to give each other all that we are, and all that we have to offer. She softly nips, and sucks on my bottom lip, and then without warning bites hard. Not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to make me whimper. That's her silence way of saying 'I love you'. Her mouth feels like it's being ripped forcefully away from mine as she pulls back and ends that scorchingly perfect kiss. My entire being feels like it's on fire and electricity hums and crackles all the places her lips, and tongue, and teeth touch on the way down to my very needy breasts. A small smile pulls at the corners of my mouth as she slurps up the melted whip cream. Well, she said she was going to eat if off my boobs. She just didn't say it still had to be puffy or whatever you wanna call the non-melted version.

She takes one of my painfully hard nipples into her mouth, and slowly swirls her tongue around the tip of it. She's teasing me, and she knows I can't handle much of that. I arch my back, and she takes the hint. She starts fully sucking on the hard nub, and running her skillful fingers over the other. She doesn't linger on my breasts for long though, as much as I want her to. Instead she keeps moving down my body, her hot, swollen lips sending lightening bolts crashing down onto my needy flesh. My skin still feels like it's on fire, and my breaths are short, labored puffs of air struggling to make it in and out of my lungs. Yet, strangely, I feel a little cold and a little lonely now that she isn't pressed right up against me, and kissing me for all she's worth. I want to tell her to come back up here, but that would involve forming words, and that part of my brain shut down a long time ago.

I watch with anticipation as she quickly descends my body, and makes herself comfortable between my legs. What she finds when she gets there is an ocean of wetness covering molten hot flesh that's begging for her attention. As soon as I feel her hot breaths exhaling sharply against my swollen pussy my hips start to move, seeking out the pleasure I know her mouth is going to give me. I don't have to wait long, and as her tongue lashes out, and she drinks me in everything else around me disappears. All concept of time, and why I should be quiet goes flying out the window as I grip her hair, and my hips pump wildly out of control. She tries to hold my hips down so she won't be bucked off, but that's easier said then done at the moment. I don't care if my pelvic bone breaks her fucking nose as long as her god like mouth goes back to doing what it was doing a second ago.

At first her attention feels great, but soon it becomes not enough. I don't really want this, and it's just not enough to get me over the edge, not even close. I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and gently pull up. She looks up into my eyes, and all I can do is let out a small whine, and she seems to understand what I'm saying. In a second she's on top of me again, and it feels like she never left. She's kissing me with a reckless abandon, and I'm giving back with just as much vigor. She straddles my thigh and almost instantly my leg is covered in her wetness as she rubs herself against it, seeking out pleasure for herself. I wrap my arms around her back, and scratch my nails down her hot and sweat-slicked skin. She moans into my mouth, the force of it sending vibrations down my spine and straight to my throbbing clit.

I feel her right hand on my stomach, but it doesn't stay there long. She trails it down, and runs her fingers through the short, neatly trimmed pubes on my mound. She's teasing me again, and if she does it for too long I think I might die. I break the kiss, and latch onto her neck, trying to gain any type of control of her I can think of. But Faith has a mind of her own, and right now her mind is set on sending me to an early grave. She slides her middle finger in between my slick folds, and I let go of her neck to hiss in a short breath. She starts kissing me again, and just when I think I'm going to die from the sensory overload, she enters me hard, and fast, and with three fingers. She either knew I could handle it right away or she didn't care, and at the moment I don't care what she was thinking because this is exactly what I wanted.

I think this is my favorite way of making love with Faith. When we don't need words to communicate our want and need for each other. When all we use are sighs, and moans, and groans to tell each other exactly where and how we want to be touched. When our bodies are in perfect synchrony, and she's looking at me like she's going to die if I were to stop touching her right now. I can't stop touching her though. I can't stop running my hands all over her back, and rubbing the backs of her legs with the heels of my feet. And I especially can't stop kissing, and sucking on her perfect neck. But I also can't stop touching her right now because that would mean she would stop touching me, and if that happened I would probably die as well.

As my orgasm approaches, I start to feel extremely vulnerable, and a little too exposed. It's all just too much. It's too raw, too overwhelming. I can't handle what she's giving to me, and for a second I try to break away from her. I guess she can see the panic in my eyes, and she doesn't slow for a second as she leans in and kisses me. The kiss is gentle, and it fights off the panicked feeling I was having. And just when I think I can't handle anymore of this, her thumb presses against my clit, and move in a hard, slow circle. That's all it takes to send me catapulting over the edge and into an onslaught of pleasure. Her name is the only word escaping lips, said over and over like a bedtime prayer as every color of the rainbow passes over my eyelids, and my muscles melt down to nothing but salty liquid.

Her breathing is the first thing that I hear when my senses come back from the far depths of space and return to my body. I can feel her full weight resting on top of me, and I have no problem with that. Both of our bodies are slick with sweat and it feels a little weird, but in a good way. I can feel her placing little kisses right behind my ear, and I practically purr at the feeling. She smiles against my skin, and I can't help but smile back. She lifts her head and I can feel her eyes watching my face but I can't open my eyes just yet. I feel her leave tiny little whisper kisses on both of my eyelids, and my smile gets bigger. After a minute or two of quiet I finally manage to open my eyes. The first thing I see is her happy, smiling face and it's a sight that always takes my breath away. And it would do that right now if I had any breath in my body to take away.

"Hi," she whispers, and leaves a little kiss on the tip of my nose. I giggle the tiniest little giggle in the world, and it makes her smile a little bigger. She moves her body off of mine, and I sigh a little in relief. I love her and everything, but she was starting to crush me. She rests her head on her elbow, and looks down at me. I can tell just by looking at her that she has a million things running through her head, but I can't talk yet. I don't think any sound would come out even if I tried. "So……that was intense." We both smile and chuckle a little at the casual way she said that statement, and I nod my head. "For a second you looked a little…" she goes quiet as she searches for a word. I guess she's afraid she's going to offend me or something. "…alarmed. Are you ok?" I nod my head again, but I know this time a simple nod isn't going to be enough. I reach out and hold onto her hand. My come is sticky on her fingers now that it's starting to dry.

"I feel…perfect, right now," I say, and she looks a little skeptical. I guess she has reason to be. I did kind of spazz out back there. I let out a tiny sigh, and try to find a good way to explain this. I don't want her to get upset and think it was something that she did because it wasn't. This was definitely a me thing, and I don't want her feeling guilty or pissed off or anything negative. "It was intense, like you said, and intense is good. But it got a little too intense for a second. I felt……too out of control, and I wanted to hide. Is any of this making sense?" She shakes her head no, and we both laugh a little. "I don't know how to explain it, but it doesn't matter. You made me feel so far beyond perfect that the little bit of…whatever that I felt doesn't matter anymore." I lean up a little bit, and she meets me halfway for a short kiss. It's sweet, and comforting, and ends all too soon.

"Ok, let's see what we got here," she says and goes back over to the refrigerator door that's still open. The poor thing is probably going to die, and even if it doesn't our food is probably going to go bad. But it was so worth it. I sit up and wrap the sheet around me again, only this time I leave some slack just in case. She hands me the plate of leftover chicken enchiladas and I give her a little thank you kiss on the cheek. I turn so I'm resting my back on the freezer door, and I smile a little bit when I hear a light tapping sound the kitchen floor. "Here's come trouble." She doesn't even have to look as our two puppies walk up to us. Sasha looks a like she's hung over and needs to go back to bed for a few hours, and Missy looks like she can't wait to mooch some food off of Faith.

"Awww, did we wake the poor babies up?" I ask in mock-baby talk, and give Sasha a little piece of chicken. When I brought these dogs home I expected the exact opposite to happen. I expected Faith to bond with the shepherd mix because she likes big dogs, and I expected to never put down the little furry baby, but that's not what happened. Missy follows Faith around like a little stalker, and if Faith is sitting on the couch or lying in bed Missy is right there curled up next to her. And if I'm sitting on the couch then Sasha is lying across my lap while I rub her tummy. I guess dog really do take after their owners because Missy can be the biggest bitch ever when she doesn't get her way, and Sasha can whine like you wouldn't believe. Not that I whine a lot, but it's something I've been known to do from time to time. "I think we should've put them in their crates." I give Sasha another piece of chicken and the other one is looking at me like it's the biggest betrayal in the world.

"Nah," Faith says and sits down next to me with a big bag of grapes resting on her thighs. She takes out a couple and pops them into her mouth. "Whine Tit over there would've woken up the kids when she cried to get out." As if to prove Faith's point, Sasha lets out a high pitched whine, and pushes my calf with her paw while she stares at my plate. Faith chuckles and tosses a grape to her little blonde baby, and surprising she catches it in the air. That was pretty impressive. I wonder if Sasha can do that? I toss her a piece of chicken, but all she does is watch it fall to the floor, and then she eats it. Faith laughs, and I roll my eyes. We feed them for another minute or two before Faith gets tired of it. "Alright, get outta here ya mutts. Go to bed." That's the command she taught them, and as soon as she says it they turn around and leave. It took her a week to teach them that. I still can't get Sasha to sit down when I tell her to.

"Are you gonna go see Sky tomorrow?" I ask and start eating again. Faith just nods her head, and grunts a little because she's too busy stuffing her face full of the deli meat that I bought to make sandwiches for the kids' lunches. How come all of their stuff just tastes so much better? The answer is simple really. It's because all of their stuff is 'off limits'. "Just don't spend too much time with her. She made it very clear to me today that she wanted to be alone with Willow. I guess her slayer instincts kicked in, and since she was wounded and weak she only wanted to be around Will." It makes sense when you think about it. When a person is sick or hurt, they don't want to be around anyone but the person they trust to take care of them. I know I'm like that with Faith. It took a really long time, but I can finally let my walls down and let her take care of me. I love her, and even though sometimes she's the most frustrating person on the planet, that's all that really matters.

"We were kinda the same way," she says and down half a bottle of Gatorade in one go. Then she lets out a burp that Matthew would be impressed by. Yeah, my wife and my song have belching competitions. I guess I really shouldn't be surprised because back in California she, Xander, and Kennedy would have them too. Now that Matthew is getting older Faith is starting to treat him more like a buddy. It is a good thing, and I'm glad that they're bonding, but sometimes she takes it a little too far, and I have to be the one who steps in and reminds her that she's the parent. Anyway, she puts the drink back in the fridge and finishes off my cup of Jell-O that was forgotten during the whole Ready Whip battle. "After I had Addy I didn't want anyone around for too long, especially after we brought her home." She's totally right. I was the same way after I gave birth to Matthew.

"Willow's gonna need a lot of bestfriendy support, though. Last week she came over here all panicky, and called me selfish for not telling her any of the secrets of motherhood. After she ranted for a little while she calmed down, but she told me that she's scared of doing everything wrong. We were the exact same way until we kinda figured it out." She has the cutest look on her face right now. It's that little 'I just got laid' smirk. Faith tries to be a badass, but the truth is she has more adorable in her veins then a baby rabbit. I give her a little kiss on the cheek, and continue with what I was saying. "Right after the baby was born, before things got bad, she was running around like a hellhound with its tail on fire," I say around a huge bite of food, and we both start laughing at that image. Things get really quiet, but not uncomfortable, as we continue eating our post sex snacks. I rest my head on her shoulder, and she gives my knee a little squeeze.

"I forgot to tell you," she says after she swallows a huge bite of…what that was, and she rests the side of her head on the top of mine. "I talked to my dad today, and he wants us over at his house for dinner on Sunday." I can't help the unhappy groan that escapes me. I love Chris, I really do. He's an awesome father in law, and he's a great grandfather. But my little sister in law is the brattiest, bitchiest, most spoiled child on the planet. Faith thinks her dad is infallible, so she blames all of Grace's behavior on Brittney, and that's not fair. Chris is just as responsible for Grace's destructive and sometimes violent ways. I have never heard a little girl scream as loud as this child. Whenever she is told no she will scream at the top of her lungs until you finally give in just to shut her up. At least that's what happens at their house. Every once in a while we'll babysit so Chris and Brittney can have a night to themselves and after we remind Grace of our house rules she's fine.

"Maybe we can pawn the kids off on one of the neighbors. I think Lindsay still owes me a favor," I say, and snuggle a little closer to her. It isn't just that Grace is such a little monster. She's also a bad influence on my kids. When we go over there Addison and Joseph always start acting up. Matthew is old enough to know never to act like such a brat, and all he cares about is spending time with his grandpa. It's not like my kids are uncontrollable. it usually only takes one threat of leaving before dessert, and they'll start acting better, but going over there is always very stressful. It's just so tense, and toxic, and I don't like being there for very long. I think I better change the subject to something a little more positive before Faith gets upset. She understands the fact that Chris' attention is mostly going to be on raising Grace, but she does get jealous that he doesn't spend as much time with her anymore. "Our anniversary is coming up. Think maybe we should start planning it now?"

"Don't worry about it. I already have everything planned," she says, and leaves a little kiss on the top of my head. I had a feeling she was going to say something like that. Faith is like the ultimate anniversary planner. As soon as the New Year hits she already knows exactly what we're going to do. I love the fact that she plans all of these romantic getaways, but I want to plan at least one of them myself, or even plan it together. That isn't such a crazy idea, is it? "We're gonna have to go shopping for some new outfits." Did she just say shopping? "Definitely have to get some new shoes." We're gonna go shoe shopping together? Ok, I changed my mind. She can plan all of our anniversaries from now on. I don't say anything about it though, and I don't try to stop the huge yawn as it passes over me. "Getting sleepy, babe?" All I do is nod my head as my eyes slowly shut. All of this perfection has made me tired, and I could really use a nap, even if it's on the kitchen floor.


	85. So Not A Midlife Crisis

**Two Months Later.** BPOV

I don't know what's going on right now. Nothing like this happens very often here in Lincoln, so pardon me for being totally fucking confused. Faith and I are patrolling, or at least we're trying to. I guess this only qualifies as a brisk walk since we've been walking the town for two hours and there's nothing. I haven't even seen a stray dog or cat wandering around. We moved to this town because of its abnormally high vampire activity, so where the hell are all the vampires? I know it isn't just me who's feeling the frustration because of the slaying, or lack thereof. Faith is getting totally antsy. Every once in a while she'll sigh, and run a hand through her hair. Those are all signs that she's starting to get frustrated. We've already been down this street three times, and there's still nothing. What the hell is going on tonight?

Maybe there's some type of lunar thing that I don't know about. Willow really needs to keep me up to date on that kind of stuff. Or maybe I should start paying attention when she talks about it. I think that would also work. But that stuff is just so boring. Come on, who really cares when Venus is in retrograde or whatever? I sure as hell don't. Some of you have to agree with me. It's not like I'm a witch like she is. I'm a slayer so if she wants to talk shop then she should talk about the things that interest the both of us. She's interested in weapons and what kind of damage they can inflict on demons, right? Sky's interested in stuff like that and she's a witch. But she's a slayer too so I guess that doesn't count. I glance over at Faith when she sighs yet again, and now she's starting to clench and unclench her fists. My poor baby is itching for a fight.

"You wanna head over to the woods and see if we can find a demony type to slay?" I ask with about five times the necessary enthusiasm. If I'm going to get Faith in a better mood then I need to start acting all bubbly and cute. That usually makes her smile, shake her head, and call me a dork. Sometimes it bothers me, but tonight I'll make a fool out of myself if it means making her smile. "You can never go wrong with a demony type." I start bouncing on my toes a little bit, and nudge her with my elbow. She furrows her eyebrows a little, and gets that look on her face like she's trying to figure something out. I guess she knows this little act I'm putting on is all for show and she's trying to find out why. After a couple of seconds, she gives up trying, and shakes her head. Her attention span shortens greatly when she's in need of some slayage.

"Nah, not tonight," she says and puts her stake in her back pocket. I don't know why she had it out, it's not like there's anything to stake. She pulls a pack of cigarettes, and a lighter out of her jacket pocket and lights one up. Yeah, she started smoking again sometime last month. She said the cravings were getting too strong to ignore, and that things at the shop are starting to get wicked stressful. Her words not mine. I don't think it's the shop that's getting stressful, though. I think being around her dad is getting hard for her. She's having some major jealousy issues, and trying to ignore them when she's around her dad is driving her a little crazy. "I'm wearin my leathers, and demons with sharp claws like to tear 'em up on purpose." I can't help but roll my eyes. I would ask if she's being serious except her tone was nothing but, so I know she wasn't joking around.

"They do not," I say and glace over at her as we walk down yet another street we've patrolled three times already. Well, if we can't find anything to slay then at least we have some playful-type banter going on. To most people it sounds like we're arguing, but to Faith and me this is its own form of foreplay. "You just throw yourself too much into the fight." She always has and she always will. Sometimes it scares the hell out of me because of the years she's had about a thousand and three close calls. I really wish she would be more careful, but if she were then she wouldn't be 'Faith: the edgy, badass slayer'. "'Get in, slay it, and get out' that's what we teach the juniors. Maybe you should start practicing what you preach." She chuckles a little bit, and takes another drag of her cigarette.

"You preach that shit, not me," she says with a little chuckle. I don't know why but the sound of that makes me roll my eyes. "What can I say? I like a good fight." She looks over at me all smoky eyed, and gives a little wink. She's trying to be all suggestive, and I definitely understand what she means. "It always gets the juices flowin'." I can't help but scoff at that comment and she does nothing but wink at me again. Well that's definitely going to get annoying. I love it when Faith winks at me, but only when she's actually flirting. When she's just being suggestive for suggestiveness' sake then it gets a tiny tad irritating. I can't explain why it gets under my skin, but it does.

"As opposed to every other day of the week when your juices are flowing all of the time." That sounded way dirtier then it did in my head. I'm just joking around with her, and she knows I am. When we first started dating Faith was horny all the time. She's definitely mellowed out though, and I'm a little thankful for it. I think if she stayed the same, and I changed into what I'm like now I probably wouldn't be able to keep up with her. Not that it's a competition, because it's totally not. I would never compete with Faith over something like that. Why are you looking at me like that? I'm telling the truth here. Well, ok, maybe a half truth. Anyway, Faith gets this look on her face, and it makes me a little nervous. It's the look she always gets on her face before she does or says something she knows she shouldn't, but she just can't resist.

"Well maybe if you were a little more like me I wouldn't need it so bad," she says with a little smirk, and flicks away her cigarette butt. Yep, she smokes and she liters. I think she officially just devolved into a seventeen year old, wannabe hardcore punk. Anyway, her smirk gets a little wider and I prepare myself for something extremely crude and inappropriate. "You're my wife, B. It's your job to keep me happy and healthy." Oh my God, she did not just say that! I was prepared for something a little less crude and inappropriate then that. Something way less then that. In fact, I think it's safe to say I was completely unprepared for that. I give her a soft punch on the arm, and the smirk gets a little smaller. "Ow! What the fuck?" She looks at her arm like she expects to see a huge gash, or a bone sticking out, or something. She can be such a wimp sometimes.

"Oh please, you know you deserved that." She gets this look on her face like 'who me?' She can look innocent all she wants but she knows that she said crossed the line a little bit. When all I do is raise my perfectly plucked eyebrow, she drops the innocent act and rolls her eyes. Now she's going to be mock-defensive. That's always what she does after she tries to act innocent. Normally, I let her get away with it, but tonight I'm not gonna give her any slack. I want to see how long I can act offended before she catches on.

"Whatever. I was just jokin around, B," she says and looks down at the ground like a chastised kid. Wow, I was totally wrong about what she was going to do. She skipped the mock-defensiveness and went right for the 'woe is me' line. She's good, trying to throw me off guard, but it's not gonna work. I may not have expected that but I know it's all just a game. She's not as good at acting as she'd like to think. "Doesn't mean you gotta start up with the spousal abuse." I roll my eyes, and scoff again. I think I would rather have the mock-defensiveness then this 'woe is me' stuff. At least when she's acting defensive she doesn't sound sad. I hate it when Faith is sad, even if it's all just an act.

"I barely touched you, ya big baby," I say in my teasing voice, and gently lace my fingers through hers. She lets her hand stay slack for a couple of seconds, but then she holds onto mine. Oh yeah, she's really playin this up big time. I give her a little kiss on the cheek, and then go right back to being a tiny bit bitchy. "And don't start with the spousal abuse stuff. No one likes a victim." She chuckles a little, and I feel like I've done a good job because she's smiling a real smile now, and not one of her smirks. "Besides…." I use my sexy voice and now I really have her attention. "You know you love it when I get a little rough." I send a wink her way, and she lets out a little laugh.

"I'm not gonna lie, you gotta point," she says. We go quiet again as we continue walking down the same streets that we've already been over multiple times. She gives my hand a little squeeze, and I squeeze back. This could almost qualify as a romantic walk together, but since we're really looking for things to slay I don't think it does. I kind of want to ask what she's thinking about since she's lost in her own thoughts now. She's been a little extra moody the last couple of days and I don't think it has anything to do with the total lack of slaying we've had the last week or so. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with her dad, but I could be wrong. When it comes to Faith, I can never be a hundred percent sure about anything. We've been together for sixteen years, as hard as that is to believe, and even though I know her so well she's still such a mystery to me. I kind of like that about her though, even if it's sometimes extremely frustrating. A loud scream rips me from my thoughts.

"Finally!" I say and Faith lets out a huge sigh of relief. We let go of each other's hands and start running towards the direction of the sound. "I was starting to think all the vamps got sick of us and ran off." She gives me a look like I'm totally crazy, and speeds up a little bit so she's two steps in front of me. Oh is that how she wants to do this? She's trying to turn this into a race without actually saying it's a race. She's baiting me, and there's a good chance I'm going to take it. What? Just because we have an important job to do it doesn't mean we can't have a little bit of fun while we're doing it. That doesn't make us bad people or anything. It just means that we want to be able to enjoy or work, and find an upside to all of this life and death situationy stuff.

"Sick of us?" she asks and she sounds like what I said was totally crazy. It wasn't that far out there, and it's not like I was being a hundred percent serious or anything. I know she's only joking around too, but you can't tell that by her tone. "How could anyone get sick of us? Unless they're fuckin blind or somethin." Oh right, because we're just so hot no one would ever get bored being around us. I would love to be Faith for one day just to see what the world is like through her eyes. And I don't mean I want to be in Faith's body 'cause been there, done that. I mean, I want to see the world through her perspective. I run a couple of steps in front of her and as I pass I give her a little smack on the ass. "Even if they were blind it's your whinin that would drive 'em away." That was totally revenge for the ass slap.

"Hey, I do not whine!" She doesn't have to say anything. I can feel the smirk spread across her face as we keep running. "Shut up. That doesn't prove anything." And it doesn't. So I had a little outburst just now, so what? That doesn't mean I whine all the time like a spoiled little kid. Sure, I whine to Giles, but that's only because it works……most of the time. We keep running, but we slow down a little bit when we hear the telltale signs of a struggle. I know you probably think we should be running faster, but if we do that we'll just make even more noise, and we want to have the element of surprise. We slow down for about three seconds until we see a woman surrounded by a group of seven vampires. One vampire is holding onto her from behind and is about to bite her neck. She's crying and begging them to stop, but I know they're not going to. They're probably getting even more fun out of it.

Without saying a word we launch ourselves at the group. Faith throws herself right in the thick of it, like always, while I take on a couple that were standing in the circle watching. The fight feels pretty routine, except these vamps must've been body builders when they were alive because they are seriously strong. I have to work twice as hard doing moves I've been practicing for years, and I have to admit that Faith is right. A good fight always gets my juices flowing, and I can feel them start to pump through my system. The intoxicating feel of adrenaline is getting stronger as I dodge a punch to the head. I wait the three seconds it takes his fist to complete the punch, and then I pop back up, and stake him before he can react. The satisfying feeling washes over me, and I can feel Faith react to it through our connection. I turn to face the second vamp I was fighting but before I can react he elbows me in the face, and then I feel a sharp pain in my stomach.

I scream out in pain as the vampire pulls the knife out of my stomach. He tries to stab me again, but I block with my arm, and kick out his knee. Every movement sends a jolt of fire straight to my gut. How the hell did he do that? I know I can be a little sloppy sometimes, but I'm on the top of my game tonight. I block another attempted stabbing and then run my stake into his heart just to get it over with. I look over at Faith as she easily stakes the last vampire, and she has a huge smile on her face. The girl must have ran off because I don't see her anywhere. If she's smart then she went home for the night and she won't be out alone after dark anymore. She's just lucky it was a few vampires that found her and not some demon who wouldn't waste time showing off for his friends.

"Don't even try to deny the awesomeness, B," Faith says and she sounds all out of breath. Normally I'd think she sounds sexy as hell, and I'd more then likely start flirting with her, or even press her against the side of that building and have some fun, but HELLO! I was stabbed. I can feel my own blood trickle down my stomach and as much as it hurts, I cover the wound with my hand to try and stop the bleeding. "B, you alright?" She sounds a little concerned, but not really. She probably thinks I was just hit pretty hard or something. I just shake my head a little and she walks up to me. I would respond but I'm kind of distracted by the 'ow factor'. I know I've been stabbed in the stomach before, but it's not so much the pain that is throwing me through a loop, it's the fact that I didn't see this coming at all.

"I'm alright," I say with a little wince as she walks up to me. Now she looks really concerned. She reaches down and takes a hold of the hand that's on my stomach. She gently pulls it away and holds it up so she can see my fingers. Her eyes go a little wide, and I take in a shaky breath. There's a lot of blood on my fingers. "I'm fine. He just caught me by surprise." I cover the wound up again and she steps a little closer to me until she's right up in my personal space. She's getting all protective, and even though I'm bleeding from a gaping hole in my stomach, I think it's pretty sweet. She starts looking around until her eyes catch something on the ground. I guess whatever the vampire used didn't go poof with him.

"Looks like a switchblade," she says and I can hear the concern in her voice. Faith has always had a thing for knives, ever since she was a kid, and she knows a lot about them. Sometimes she totally geeks out about it when she's talking to Giles, and she gets all excited and she'll start talking really fast, and get all into the conversation. And then she'll look over at me and see me smirking, and she'll blush. Right now it isn't cute though. I don't really care what kind of knife it was so her bringing it up was kind of pointless and a little aggravating. "Alright, let's get you home and if I can't patch you up myself then we'll see Red about it." I try to protest but she cuts me off. "B, this is probably deep and I don't care that we're slayers, it could still get infected." She's taking charge just like I would do if our roles were reversed, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

"We're not going to Willow's house. She and Sky have their hands full taking care of the baby, and I don't want to add to their stress." Willow's hardly left the house since they brought the baby home. I guess motherhood hasn't been treating her well, and she's having a hard time dealing. I swing by every couple of days just to see how she's doing, and as far as first time parents go I guess they're doing alright. Anyway, Faith gets this stubborn look in her eyes, and it's the same look we give the kids when they argue after we tell them to do something. I hate it when she looks at me like that. I sigh, even though it hurts like hell, and try not to look too pissed off. Trying to reason with Faith when she's like this is like slamming your head again a brick wall, if you do it softly it won't hurt as bad. "It's just a scratch, I'll be fine." She doesn't look convinced.

"It's not a scratch, it's a stab wound," she says and she sounds a little irritated. Ok, more then a little. Sure it hurts, but it isn't that big of a deal. We've both been wounded worse then this on patrol before, so I don't really understand why she's making a scene about it. Maybe she took a really bad hit to the head and she has a concussion? What? I could happen. A really bad concussion can change a person's personality. But she isn't showing any signs of a concussion. Damn, so this is just her being overly protective of me. I'm not sure which is worst: Faith when she's evil and trying to kill me; or Faith when she's being overly protective. Ok, so that's a load of crap. I would be devastated if she ever went evil again and tried to kill me. "And if it's too deep for me to fix on my own then we're goin to Red's even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming." I raise an eyebrow at her.

"I'd like to see you try." As soon as that leaves my mouth I know I shouldn't have said that. Maybe I'm the one with the concussion. "I got stabbed right before Sunnydale became a crater and it didn't stop me from getting out of there when the town was literally collapsing all around me." She gets that challenging look in her eyes, and she normally gets that look right before she starts fighting a vampire or a demon or whatever. She also gets it when the kids are acting defiant. I hate it when she looks at me like that when we're not doing something fun, like playing basketball, or sparring, or seeing who can eat the most tacos in one sitting. I totally kicked her ass. Before I can react, she reaches out and touches my stomach, not the wound itself but pretty damn close. "Ow! What the fuck?" She gets a playful smirk on her face, and the look in her eyes changes completely.

"Oh please, you know you deserved that," she says, mimicking what I said to her earlier. It makes me smile, and laugh a little bit. And just like that all of the tension that was growing between us, and that fight we almost got into just kind of disappears. I guess that's just what happens when you're with someone who's just as stubborn as you are. She gets a little closer to me so that we're almost touching, and she gently runs the backs of her fingers across my arms. The feeling is comforting, and it's making me feel a little better. Now that we're both calm again the pain isn't as bad as it was before. She clicks her tongue on the roof of her mouth just like she always does when she makes a decision. "Alright, we'll hold off on seein Will until tomorrow, but if you get all septic and die in your sleep don't come crying to me." We laugh a little, but it makes me wince. Ok, so laughing isn't a good idea right now.

"Ok, deal. Can we get out of here now? I really don't feel like bleeding to death on Whistler Avenue." It was supposed to be a joke, but she doesn't look amused. I thought it was kinda funny. We start to walk away, but I can't even get three steps before she scoops me up in her arms and starts carrying me bridal style. I shake my head a little but I don't kick my legs. That would just make my stomach hurt more. I can't believe she's doing this. I've been hurt worse then this and she didn't carry me home then. What has gotten into her tonight? "Faith, I can walk on my own. I'm not exactly a helpless little girl." And that's true. I'm not helpless. I'm a hot chick with superpowers, and one of those powers has already kicked in. It's not even bleeding anymore. Anyway, she looks down at me, and gives me a little kiss on the forehead. I love her and everything, but sometimes I really don't like her.

"Just humor me, ok?" I don't say anything, but I nod my head. If she needs to take charge and carry me back to the house to make herself feel better then I guess I can let her do that without a fight. That doesn't mean I have to like it though. I guess I can see it from her perspective. If I got so caught up in a fight that I didn't even notice she was stabbed then I would be feeling pretty guilty too, and I'd totally overcompensate in some way. I'd probably try to carry her home, but Faith wouldn't have any of that. The only time she lets me carry her is when we're about to have sex and I'm being a little more aggressive then usual, and when she's been hurt so badly she can't walk. "You used to love it when I carried you around. Don't know what's different about this besides the gaping wound." It is so not a gaping wound. It's not even bleeding anymore.

"Yeah, when you'd give me piggyback rides," I say with a little smile on my face. Don't look at me like that. We were young and in love. We'd be walking down a sidewalk window shopping or whatever, and I'd rub her shoulders a little bit to let her know what I wanted, and then I'd hop up on her back and she'd carry me around. Sometimes she'd run really fast, and turn really hard to try and throw me off, and I loved every second of it. People always looked at us like we were crazy, but we didn't care. I wonder why we don't do things like that anymore. Did having kids mellow us out? Is it because we're a little older now, and all mature and stuff? I really don't know, but I miss how playful we used to be.

"So that's what this is really all about, huh?" she says in her flirty tone. Ok, so maybe we're still playful, but not like we used to be. I mean, even after we had Matthew we would chase each other around the park, and play little games that usually involved trying to slap each other on the ass. We haven't done anything like that in a really long time. Anyway, I look up at her with this 'what are you talking about?' kind of look and she chuckles. "You're just pissy 'cause you wanna be on top." I am not pissy. I am doing something against my will to so she can feel better about herself, but I am not pissy! "Besides, this top is new and I don't want your blood to stain it up." A small, evilish smile creeps up on my face. I slowly reach out with my hand that's covered in blood, and lightly touch her polyester blend clad shoulder. She gets a horrified look on her face, and she lets out a little chuckle. "You are so going to pay for that later." I leave a little kiss on her neck and smile.

"I can't wait," I say, and she just shakes her head a little. Tonight has been a pretty weird night. I mean, one minute Faith is all bad and moody, then we start flirting with each other, then we start fighting a whole group of vampires and I get stabbed. Then we start fighting again, and now we're back to flirting. The vampire thing is normal enough, and we still flirt with each other. We haven't gotten to the point where our marriage is loveless, and we're not playful. So what if I can't remember the last time Faith gave me a piggyback ride, or the last time we took a bath together, or the last time one of us gave the other a massage? Ok, this is a little insane. Sure we've gotten older, I'm thirty-nine now, and she's thirty-seven, but people in their late thirties can still be playful and flirtatious and give each other piggyback rides, dammit. Maybe I am too old, and maybe that's why I was stabbed tonight. Maybe I'm too old for slaying, and I should think about permanent retirement. But that's crazy. I'm not that old yet.

FPOV

I don't know what the fuck is up with this family lately, but they're all crazy. Ok, so not all of 'em. Addy and Joey are about the same, but Buffy and Mattie are fuckin crazy. So here's what happened: I woke up this morning to the sound of my annoying alarm clock like I do every morning during the week. The first thing I noticed was Buffy wasn't in our bed with me. When I sat up, I saw her standing in front of the mirror in nothin but her panties, and she was looking over every inch of herself. Weird, right? Well that's just the beginning.

So I head downstairs to start breakfast before the kids get up because that's the first thing they usually whine about in the morning. When I walk into the kitchen, Mattie's already sitting at the table eating some Eggo waffles. I gave him a kiss on the top of his head, and told him good morning, but all he did was grumble under his breath. Ever since he got back from the slayer school in December he's been a fucking punk. He barely says anything to anyone, he spends all of his time up in his room, and his grades have gone from A's and B's to C-'s and D's. I highly fuckin doubt it's just a teenager thing 'cause he wasn't like this before he stayed there. I think something happened between him and Brooke, and I wanna find out what.

Anyway, so I'm making breakfast when Grumpy and Grumpier walk into the room, whining because they're hungry. I tell 'em to chill out and just wait until it's done, and that's when Buffy walked into the room. Now I've always thought that Buffy was drop dead gorgeous, and sure, seeing her vag stretch out when she gave birth to Mattie was traumatizing for both of us, but I got a hot wife and I'll never deny it. I think everyone can agree that she's a total fuckin MILF. I'm sayin all this so you'll get a really good idea of what I mean when I say that she walked into the room lookin fuckin sexy as hell. I mean, she was so fuckin sexy every monk on the planet would give up their no sex vow to be with her. My jaw actually dropped a little as she walked across the room, and gave me a little kiss on the cheek. I watched her ass the entire time as she walked over to the coffee maker in the smallest skirt I've ever seen her in. I think she just took the words 'micro mini' to a whole new level.

"B, what's with the getup?" was the only thing I could think of to say. Buffy dresses sexy, don't get me wrong, but she only dresses kinda slutty when we're going out to a club. So why she was wearing this outfit, and wearing her make up so she'd look all smoky eyed at seven AM when the only places we were goin is work is a question that I still can't answer. Anyway, she looked down at herself like maybe there was something wrong with what she was wearing, and then she looked up at me with that sexy little smirk of hers. I couldn't believe it. I love her sexy smirk, but at seven AM? I just wasn't awake enough for this.

"Don't you like what I'm wearing?" she asked and softly blew at the hot contents in her coffee mug. The little vixen knew exactly what she was doing, but it was way too early in the morning for me to notice her little game. Any other time I would've called her out on it, but my brain just wasn't working at its full capacity. I know I'm not the brightest crayon in the box or whatever the fuck, but I should've been able to see through what she was doing. Sure I'm kind of stupid, but I've been living with Buffy for like sixteen years. I should know her games when I see 'em, even if it is seven in the morning. Instead of calling bullshit, I nodded my head a couple of times and stirred the scrambled eggs before they burned.

"I definitely like what you're wearin. Ya look great," I said and decided on how I was going to word my next question. I didn't want to hurt her feelings because at this time I still thought she was all fragile and whatever. I mean, this could've been some important day and I totally fuckin forgot about it. I didn't want my stupidity to send her to our room cryin. "What's the occasion? You havin some kind of party at work today?" Hey, for all I knew they were havin a party at her work. I barely pay attention when she talks about what goes on in that place. And it's not like I'm ignoring her and she's hanging on my every word. The less I talk about the shop the better. She hates how much time I spend there.

"There's no special occasion, baby. Don't worry, you didn't accidentally forget about anything. I just felt like dressing up a little," she said and slowly sipped at her coffee. A little? This is what she now considers a little? Maybe I would've been able to see the warning signs if my brain could've concentrated on something other then the desire to shove my face into her cleavage and die happy. I highly fuckin doubt that even if I had seen the warning signs I would've been able to predict what would happen later. In fact, I know without a doubt that there's no way in hell I ever would've been able to see any of this comin. Even if I had some kind of psychic power this would've been a total surprise.

If you think all of that is a little strange then stick around 'cause you're about to learn why I kinda hate Buffy and all her fuckin craziness right now. Alright, so I don't hate her. I could never hate her, but I don't like her a whole lot right now. Jeez, learn some fuckin patience, I'm getting to it. You people act like I've never told you anything before. Alright, so I dropped the kids off at the bus stop and took Joey to daycare. For the life of him he could not figure out why his mommy was dressed like that. I kept trying to change the subject but then he'd say something like, "But, Mama, did you see her shirt? Her boobs were fallin out!" And that they were.

So I dropped him off at daycare, and then I headed to work. I used to love it here so fuckin much. It was just me and my dad hanging out and working on bikes, just like we would've done if he hadn't been thrown in jail. I can maybe forgive my bitch mom for all of the shit that she did to me, but I'll never be able to forgive her for sending my dad to prison. But I don't wanna talk about that. What I will talk about is why this place kinda sucks now. So like I said, it used to be awesome. Just me and my dad hanging out all day. But then he had to go and knock that chick up, and it totally ruined everything. When he's not talkin about Grace he's on the phone with Brittany either fighting or convincing her that they can fight when he gets home. It's so fuckin tense here now and I hate it. Sometimes, I just wanna tell him to go be someone else's dad, and storm out and never come back.

I'm not twelve, so that shit ain't gonna happen. Anyway, so I go to work, and everything is goin fine at first. Things with my dad are a little tense, but they're always like that now. Ever since Grace started walking, he and Brittany started having problems. I'm not blaming the baby at all, 'cause she's the innocent bystander in all of this. The only ones there are to blame is Brittany and my dad for being a couple of dumb fucks. They should never have gotten married. They weren't ready for it, and the only reason they did it is because my dad is so old fashioned. But enough trash talking them. So I'm at work, minding my own Goddamn business, when my dad starts freaking out. Apparently some of our suppliers forgot to send us something that we ordered. I offered to take care of it since he's in a bad fuckin mood. So I go into my office, and I call the supplier. I'm only on the phone for five minutes when Buffy walks through my door carrying about five shopping bags.

It's not strange for Buffy to come visit me on my lunch hour, and that's exactly what time it was. What surprised was the fact that she was still in that slutty outfit from this morning, plus the very full looking bags. I swore I could hear the credit card in her wallet screaming for help. Anyway, she put those down on the floor, and then the little minx slinked right on over, and made herself comfortable on my desk. Yeah, you heard me right. She sat down on the edge of my desk, and parted her legs a little bit. She started kinda toyin with the hem of her skirt, and given me a suggestive look. Trust me, the meaning of that was not lost on me. I wanted to find out if she was goin commando or not, and if I just slouched down a little in my chair, and bent my head a certain way I would've been able to see. But I knew if I looked I'd be way too distracted to properly end the business call.

"No, Dave, I'm not saying it's your fault that we didn't get those parts. All's I'm saying is we didn't get 'em." I really hate dealing with suppliers, especially when they fuck up. I've been working with Dave ever since we opened this place, and he's a nice guy, but when he forgets to ship something it's never his fault, oh no, and he gets really fuckin whiny when he thinks I'm saying it's his fault. I tried to keep my eyes off of B since she was doing some of her best work to distract me from this phone call. If I was still twenty-five, it totally woulda fuckin worked, but I like to think I'm a little more mature now. Yeah I know, me a mature adult? I never thought I'd grow up to be one of those. I guess Buffy didn't either 'cause she's getting a little frustrated that I'm not falling for her trick. So instead of watching her fingers trail slowly up and down her thigh, I stared at the calendar on my wall.

"Look, I'm not pointing fingers, Dave. I just need you to send me some more." I sighed a little in frustration when he started up with the excuses again. I couldn't help but tune his whining out as Buffy slowly spread her legs a little more. She was playin dirty and it wasn't fair. Buffy doesn't play dirty like this very often, that's why it's so damn hot. But who the fuck did she think she was? I have a business to run here. She couldn't just come into my office and use sex to distract me when I got important things to do. At least that's what I thought, until she tilted her head back, and moaned. "Ya know what, Dave, I'm so stupid. I think I found those parts. I just put 'em in a different place than normal. Sorry for the hassle………Yeah, ok. I'll talk to you later. Bye-bye." As soon as I hung up the phone Buffy got off the desk, and sat down across my lap. Yeah, you motherfuckers wish you were me.

"Hi baby," she said in that cute little girly tone that she knows drives me wild. It makes her sound all innocent and sweet and I just wanna corrupt her. She gave me a little kiss on the lips, and it stayed all slow and sweet. I guess we were going to pretend that she wasn't practically molesting herself on my desk. I tried to deepen the kiss, but she pulled back and had a little smile on her face. I really hate it when she teases me like that. She can't act all sexy and kinda slutty, and then expect me to behave myself. That's just fucked up. If my blood had actually been flowing in the direction of my brain I woulda been able to see through what she was doin, and asked her what the fuck was up. "Hope I didn't interrupt anything important." She had this sly little smile on her face, and I couldn't help but shake my head.

"You know you did. You might as well drop the act, B," I told her and kissed her. That time she didn't hold back. This kiss was deep, and wet, and hot. She was moanin a little, and runnin her fingers through my hair. I was so worked up if I had my eyes open I wouldn't be able to see straight. When she pulled back from the kiss, it felt like her face was being forcefully ripped from mine. She had a little smirk on her face, and my heart started beating even faster. I know that look on her face better than anything in the world. It's the look she gets on her face when she feels like she's doing something naughty. Kinda like that one time we were so horny after a patrol we broke into the first person's house that didn't have any cars in the driveway, and had sex on their bed. But that's a story for another time.

"Act? What act would that be, Faith?" she asked and put on a real innocent face. That expression looked totally outta place considering I've seen hookers in Vegas dressed a little more conservative then she was right then. Before I could say anything else she kissed me again, all slow and sweet, and before I could really get into it she stood up. I was feelin all kinds of turned on, she knew exactly how I was feelin, and she just stands up and backs away? I guess I looked a little disappointed or something 'cause she giggled one of those really girly giggles that reminds of the good ol' days back in Sunnydale before I went crazy and my mission whenever I was around her was to flirt with her until she giggled like that. Anyway, so she reached out and took my hand and gave it a little tug. "Don't worry, baby, we're not done yet." To say I was glad to hear her say that would be a fuckin understatement.

I'm not gonna go into all the details 'cause you pervs really don't need 'em. I'll just tell ya what you need to know 'cause if I don't set up the scene just right you won't understand why I'm so fuckin irritated with Buffy now. Ok, so after she pulled me up from the chair we started goin at it like a couple of sex starved teenagers. She took off my pants and pressed me up against the desk, and told me to close my eyes. I heard her rummaging through one of the bags, and when she came back she had a new toy for us to use. I don't know exactly what it's called, but there are no annoying straps to deal with. Nope, one end looks kinda like an egg and B put that part in her snatch and we were ready to go. She took some of that potion Willow taught her how to brew up so that the toy feels like the real deal for whoever's wearing it.

Alright, so here's what happened: Buffy was fucking me real good with the new toy. I mean, like really fuckin good. I had to bite my hand to stop from screaming, and right when I was about to O, the fuckin door opened. I heard someone scream 'holy mother of God!' and I looked over and saw my dad lookin like he was about to have a heart attack from the shock. Buffy jumped off me and I pulled my pants up, and my dad slammed the door shut. I could hear him yellin God knows what as he went into his office and slammed the door. I was completely mortified. I know that I'm a grown ass woman, but at that moment I felt like a teenager whose daddy just walked in on her losing her cherry. I was totally freaking out, and B was trying not to laugh. When the fuck did I become the modest one?

So there ya have it boys and girls. Things between me and my dad are tenser now than ever before, and it's all Buffy's fault. And I know what you're gonna say, "But Faith, it takes two to fuck so don't blame it all on her." Well for one, I didn't ask for your opinion so fuck you. And two, it is all her damn fault. Calm the fuck down, I'll explain why. Buffy and I have lunch together in my office a couple times a week. We've never fucked in there before, but we have made out like a couple of teenagers a few times, and B always remembers to lock the door. So today she came into my office with every intention to fuck on my desk, and she didn't lock the door. So yes, it is her fault that my dad wouldn't look at me, and would barely talk to me after that. And here I thought things couldn't get any tenser at the shop. Guess I was proven wrong, huh?

You have no idea how much I was looking forward to just going home and chillin out. It was B's night to cook so I wouldn't have to worry about doing anything but relaxing and keepin an eye on the kids. As soon as I pulled into the driveway I wanted to crawl under a rock and just hide. I could hear Addy screamin, and I didn't even have my fuckin windows rolled down. I knew exactly what I was gonna be walkin into: Addy and Joey freaking out about something, and Buffy trying to control the situation and failing. When Addy gets that like we have no fuckin idea what to do. It's not like you can stop a person from being pissed off when they think someone's fucked 'em over. After the day I had at work, the last thing I wanted to fuckin do was deal with drama. But it was our decision to have kids, so I gotta deal with it even if I don't want to.

I snuck into the house as quietly as possible. I stood in the foyer for a few seconds until I figured out exactly where the screaming was coming from. Luckily, it was coming from the kitchen, and I crept up the stairs and away from the drama. I know I said I have to deal with that shit even if I don't want to, but my dad walked in on me getting fucked so Buffy could deal with the drama 'cause I couldn't force myself to go in there and help out. It's not like Buffy needs saving from a couple of little kids, but she likes it when I give her emotional support or whatever. I couldn't do that though. I couldn't have given her emotional support even if I had tried. I was way too irritated with her, and embarrassed. If you think I was over reacting, by all means invite your mom or dad over to your place and then start fucking about ten minutes before they get there so they can walk in on ya, and you'll know why I was so fuckin pissed off at her.

But boo-fuckin-hoo. It's not like I haven't been through worse. Ya know, things like child birth, getting the shit kicked out of me by a demon who abducted my wife, sitting back and feeling totally helpless while my little girl had to go through brain surgery to get a tumor removed. As far as horrible things go, this one was pretty low on the fuckin list. But right then at that moment in time, I just couldn't get any perspective. I needed to just remove myself from the situation and just chill out, and get my head straight. Well, not straight 'cause then I'd have to divorce B and find a guy to be with and who has the time for that shit, right? Anyway, so whenever I need to just chill out and clear my head I always go upstairs and hang out with the one person who can make me forget about my problems. Well, at least when the problem is Buffy.

So I went upstairs to Mattie's room - no, sorry, I went to Matt's room. He's a teenager now and doesn't like his 'baby name'. Anyway, so I went upstairs and was looking forward to kicking his ass on a couple of video games, and just hanging out with my kid, ya know? Maybe go play some one on one at the school after dinner. That's always been our thing. I don't do the whole self esteem building thing where you let them win. No, if he wants to win he has to earn it. You should've seen the look on his face the first time he beat me. He was eight, and I was totally fuckin shocked. Pride came later after my bruised ego had some time to heal. It's kinda fuckin sad though 'cause it's gotten to the point where he takes pity on me and lets me win every once in a while. He says that he doesn't do it but I can tell that he's lying.

What I saw when I went into his bedroom I totally wasn't fucking expecting at all. I expected him to be in there talking to one of his friends on the phone. I swear he's about as bad as a teenage girl when it comes to talking on the damn phone. Alright, so most of the time he's talking to a girl, but whatever. But when I walked into his room he wasn't on the phone, or playing a video game, or reading a book, or doing his homework, or any of the other shit he does in his room. He was sitting on his bed with Sasha lying by his feet and he was stroking her back. But there's nothing unusual about that. These two bond more every day. No, what was weird was the fact that he had these big fat tears running down his cheeks. All of my problems and frustrations were instantly booted outta my mind and my 'mama' instincts kicked in.

Mattie's never been a sissy-boy or anything like that. When he was younger the only time he'd cry was when he got hurt or when he was sick or whatever. And even then a couple hugs from one of us, especially B, always calmed him down and he'd stop crying. But as he's gotten older and become more of a guy and less of a kid he doesn't really talk about his feelings at all. You pretty much gotta pull teeth to get him to admit to how he's feeling. I guess it's just typical guy behavior and I totally fucking hate it because something was upsetting my boy and I knew it was going to be a fucking struggle to get him to talk about it. Alright so I guess I can't blame it all on the fact that he's a guy 'cause I'm kinda the same way, but is pointing fingers really gonna help the fuckin problem? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Anyway, so I eased my way into the room, and as soon as he noticed me he tensed up and wiped away his tears. He tried to act like nothing was going on, that he wasn't up here crying alone in his bedroom with no one but the dog to keep him company, but he wasn't fooling anybody. I didn't wanna make too big of a deal out of it 'cause people cry sometimes, that's just what we do. So I sat down next to him on the bed and tried to pay more attention to the dog then I was to him. I asked him a couple simple questions and all he did was fuckin shrug. The questions I asked were 'are you hungry?' and 'what do you want for dinner?' By his responses I knew that this was going to be so much fuckin harder then I originally thought.

I knew it had to be something to do with Brooke. Mattie was really protective of her and they seemed to have a little bit of a bond going on, and with his parents back at him I'm sure the bond grew in a whole bunch of ways that it might not have if we had been there. The last thing I wanna think about is my kid having sex but that is a possibility. Not a very large possibility because he's only thirteen and she's around the same age, but the possibility was there to mock me in all sorts of horrible fucked up ways. Yeah, sure, I thought it was funny that time in Monterey when he snuck upstairs with that girl and she almost went down on him until they got walked in on. But I never really thought about this, about my boy getting emotionally involved with a girl and then taking it to that level and then getting completely heartbroken. Guys can be pigs, but they got feelings too, ya know?

I didn't wanna just come out and ask if they had slept together. I don't know why, normally I'm such a straight forward person, most of the time, but I just couldn't force those words out of my mouth. So I started asking questions about her, and what they did together while he was there. I asked if he liked her, and if they were dating and he denied it. I really don't think my son would flat out lie to me. In fact, I know he wouldn't. When he does lie he can't make eye contact, and he was able to look me in the face and tell me that they weren't seeing each other. I got a little impatient with the conversation and pussy footing around what I really wanted to fucking know. So I asked him why he was so upset and he fuckin stonewalled. Ya know those commercials where the crash test car speeds into the brick wall and the dummy goes through the fuckin windshield or whatever? Well at that moment I was the dummy and he was the wall.

I kept pushing. I don't know why I kept pushing as much as I was. I guess I just needed to know if my kid had gotten himself into some trouble or something. He could've slept with this chick and gotten a disease for all I knew, and I wanted to find the fuck out, ya know? I'll admit that I pushed a little too hard. I kept asking him what happened and he kept shrugging. His muscles were getting tenser, and his neck was starting to turn red. Those are all signs pointing to PROCEED WITH CAUTION but I didn't. When he shrugged again for the tenth time, I lost a lot of my patience. I turned so I was facing him completely and tried to make eye contact, but he wouldn't look at me. I hate it when my kids don't look at me when I'm trying to talk them. That's a matter of respect and I hate it when they fuckin disrespect me. It makes me feel like I'm doing a shit job raising them.

"Come on, Matt, you know you can talk to me," I said and put my hand on his knee. He flinched a little at my touch and tried to move away but he only has a twin bed and the wall was blocking him. He had nowhere to go, and looking back I think that might have been the moment I should've backed off a little. A slayer who feels cornered and distressed is definitely a dangerous thing. "Just tell me what happened at the school. It's probably not as bad as you think." That was it. He had finally reached his breaking point. He jumped up off the bed, knocking Sasha off it since she was in his way. He kicked the trash can next to his computer desk and the thing went flying into the fucking wall. He let out a frustrated as fuck yell as he kicked it, and after the loud THUD of it hitting the wall he just stood there, breathing heavy, and looking so tense I thought his muscles were gonna snap.

I jumped up off the bed and slowly walked around so I was facing him. He had tears running down his cheeks, and his face was all red and his fists were clenched. God, it's amazing and scary how much this boy is like me. Why can't he take after Buffy? At least she's a little more open about her feelings. At least she is when it comes to me. Most of the time. Ok, so I guess that's also a bad example. We're both a little closed off when it comes to our feelings, but I'm way worse about it then she is. And I guess Mattie has decided to take after me. I like the fact that he's into sports like I am, and he's starting to get into cars and bikes like I am, but being all closed off like this? I definitely didn't want him to take after me in this department. Maybe we should've used a sperm donor. At least then these kids wouldn't have all of my fucked up genes, ya know?

Anyway, I knew words weren't going to do any good. They wouldn't do any good for me when I'm like this. So instead of saying anything to him, I wrapped my arms around him. I held onto him hard. He fought me a little at first but I think all of those emotions that were building up inside finally just snapped. He went a little limp in my arms, and hid his fact in the crook of my neck like he used to do when he was a baby and he was scared or sick. I held onto my baby boy and I ignored Buffy when she came into the room wanting to know what the noise was. I just waved her out, and she got the message to back off. She knows as much as I do how Mattie can be when he's upset. My little man silently cried against me for what felt like hours. I could feel his hot tears burning my skin, and my own eyes started to water with tears. It was eating me up inside seeing my boy like this.

"Let's sit down," I said, and he let out a big sigh. I could feel his whole body relax with that big exhale, and I could tell that he was feeling a little better. When we pulled back from the hug I took a second to just look at his face. He looked a little better, but he still looked hella upset. I don't really know how to explain it, like the anger was gone and now he just looked…kinda broken? I don't know, like I said, it's hard to explain. So we walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. I kept my hand on his shoulder. He was upset and letting me touch him, it doesn't happen very often when he's upset about something. "Alright, Mattie, just tell me what happened. Did something happen with you and Brooke?" Not knowing was starting to slowly eat at my insides, and I was a little relieved when he shook his head no. "Come on Mattie, give me something to go on. I'm flying blind here." He sighed again, and more of the tension melted from his shoulders.

"I was on a training patrol and some girl died," he said and shrugged his shoulders. I was fuckin floored. How the fuck did that happen and I didn't fuckin know about it? I asked him to tell me more about it 'cause you can't just say some shit like that and no go into detail, ya know? He took in a deep breath and held it. I don't remember seeing or hearing him exhale. Who knows, maybe that breath is still locked up inside him right now? Anyway, he stared down at his lap, and he gave me what I asked for. "Grandpa Giles said I could go on patrol with a group of sophomores and a demon jumped the group." He went quiet again, and more big fat tears starting running down his cheeks. I wiped them away with the back of my hand and surprisingly he didn't stonewall again. "He had a big knife, and he stabbed Katrina in the chest. She fell, and I put my hands over the blood, but the bleeding wouldn't stop. I tried, Mom, I tried, but I couldn't make it stop."

He started sobbing after that and he didn't say another word. The fact that all of this shit happened and no one told me is what really pissed me off. My boy was on his knees, pressing down on this girl's chest so hard her sternum cracked a little, and he watched that girl die. He looked into her eyes the whole time as her eyes glazed over, and her soul left her body. Whenever a student is hurt on a patrol a report has to be written up by the intern leading the group. The report is put in a file, and read by one of the counselors, and every person involved has to sit down and talk with that counselor, and then the counselor's report is read by Giles. The fact that GILES knew about this shit and didn't call to tell me that by boy watched some girl die still has me in a foul fuckin mood.

After Mattie told me what happened, he cried himself to sleep in my arms. After I was sure he was out, I very carefully got up from the bed and covered him up with the extra blanket in his closet. I didn't wanna risk waking him up by trying to pull back his comforter. Then I went into my bedroom, called Giles, and yelled at him for about an hour. I mean, my boy went through something fucking horrible, something life changing, and completely fucked up and Giles didn't have the common fuckin decency to call me? He came up with some excuse about being in London while it happened and he hasn't looked at the reports yet, but what the fuck?! If Giles wasn't there, then the person in charge should've told me, or the counselor should've called me. I'm Faith the Vampire Slayer, doesn't that mean anything anymore? Don't those people know that I'll fuckin rip their Goddamn intestines out if something bad happens to my kid while he's under their watch?

Anyway, I got off the phone with Giles about twenty minutes ago and now I'm in the living room, sitting on the couch, Missy's curled up in my lap and I'm sippin at a glass of JD. I don't wanna get drunk, I just wanna take some the edge off, ya know? B doesn't care so much anymore if I drink the stuff in the house. I've gotten to the point where I can control my drinking and not get shit faced. I told her what happened at the school, why Mattie's been so moody lately, and why I'm nursing this glass of alcohol, and now she's in the kitchen giving Giles a piece of her mind. She's trying to be quiet though 'cause she doesn't want the little kids to find out what happened. They're curious as fuck and I sent them outside a little while ago to play with Sasha. They're pissed about it, but they'll get over it.

I want all of this shit to just fade away. I want it to just blow away in the strong breeze, but I know it's not. Mattie witnessed the death of a human being, and I'm gonna be the one who has to talk to him about it. B could try to explain what an experience like that is 'cause she pretty much did the same for Finch when I accidentally stabbed him, but I don't think her alone is going to be enough. I'm not saying she's a bad mom, but Mattie's gonna need a little more than a story about Buffy the Great with a moral lesson at the end of it. I know she'll never open up to him about what happened the night Finch died, and I think if she did it would help him a lot. Knowing that she went through a lot of the same thing and she understands what he's feeling could help a lot, but I know she'll never talk to him about it. She doesn't want the kids to know about any of the shit we did in our past.

I don't want them to know most of it either, but if this little bit of information will help him heal then we should give it a try. I'll have to talk to her about it though. We can't go up there and talk to Mattie together without some type of game plan. Helping him through this is going to take work, and we might have to have one of the grief counselor's from the school come out. I hate the thought of not being good enough to help my kid, but we've never had to deal with something like this before, and I think we might be a little out of our league. I know what to do when they got a runny nose, or when they fall down and scrape up their knees, or when they're fighting over the TV. But when a girl literally dies in their hands? Yeah, I don't think I'm going to find the "how to deal with your teen acting out after seeing a horrible death" in any parenting books.

BPOV

I'm running. I don't know where I'm going, whether I'm running to something, or if I'm running from something, but I'm running. My lungs are burning, sucking in the cold air around me, and my legs are screaming at me to stop, exhausted from the almost endless amount of movement, but I ignore them. I have to keep going. It's night, there's a bright full moon shining what light it can down on me, offering me a little bit of guidance, and I'm in a cemetery. There's a light layer of fog setting in, but I don't stop to marvel at the cheesiness of it. I just keep on running. I'm afraid, I can feel it in my bones, but I don't know what I'm afraid of. It feels like I'm afraid of everything. Even the air I'm breathing in seems threatening.

I don't slow down for a second, but I tear my attention away from the path ahead of me. I take a look around, and I can see trees, bare branches slightly swaying in the breeze. I can hear an owl chirping its mysterious song to the night, and all of us who are going insane and are here to listen to it. I can hear something else now. It's loud, and I know it doesn't belong here. The noise is coming from nowhere, but it's everywhere. I can't get away from it. I recognize it, I knew what it was the second it started playing. It's one of Faith's favorite songs. I hate it. I think that's why she loves it so much. She plays it in the car a lot just to bother me.

The bass, the rock, the mic, the treble. I like my coffee black just like my metal.

I start running faster. Maybe if I go fast enough I can outrun that stupid song. I won't work though. I know that I can never get away from it because even if I do get out of this weird-ass place and sit still for a second Faith will start playing it while she works out just to piss me off. She likes to do that too. She says that the song has a great beat for her to work to, but I know she really listens to it because it bothers me. She has like, a million other CDs to choose from, but this is the one she picks when I want to work out with her. I know why she does it too. She'll never just admit that she wants to workout alone because she wants to clear her head. Instead of telling me that she'd rather be alone she plays music that she knows I hate so that eventually I'll get tired of it and walk away.

I can't wait for you to knock me up. In a minute, minute. In a fuckin minute.

I stop running, but I wasn't the one who decided I should stop. My legs were the ones who pulled the breaks, and I stumble forward. I can still hear the music playing in the air, only now I don't think it's coming from the air. I think it's inside my head, playing in my ears, driving me crazy, because nothing else here makes sense…so why should this too? I mean, it makes sense for me to be in a cemetery at night. I'm a slayer, that's just what we do. But it doesn't make sense that I'm alone. I haven't patrolled alone, I mean really patrolled, since I got together with Faith. But I can't think about that right now because something is after me. I think. Why else would I be this afraid? Why else would I be shaking in my very cute boots? Something is after me. I just don't know what it is yet.

I can't wait for you to shut me up, and make me hip, like badass!

The song finally goes away, and all that's left is the sound of the tree branches moving in the wind. The owl is still there but he's being quiet now. I don't know how I know he's there, or that he's a he, but he is, and he's in his little tree home watching me. He's waiting for something to happen, but I just can't figure out what it is. I think I'm starting to catch on though. I see a grave, which isn't surprising since I'm in a cemetery. But this grave is different. This one is fresh, and this one has a hole in it. Not a big hole, not even really a hole. More like the dirt has been disturbed. It was lying there, sleeping like it thought it was supposed to, and someone crawled out from beneath it. From beneath you it…oh, nevermind. I'm not going to start with that shit again.

"Hey, what's up, pussy cat?" I hear someone say, and my attention is ripped away from the grave. I look over and I see Faith walking towards me. She looks as cool as a cucumber, whatever that means, and she's all decked out in black. She's wearing her black leather pants, a black long sleeved top that I'm pretty sure is mine, and her black sexy boots. Her makeup is even done a little darker. She hasn't applied it like that since Sunnydale. I don't know why but seeing her doesn't put me at ease like it normally does. Even when I'm really stressed out about something, seeing Faith always makes me feel a little better. I guess things here, wherever the hell here is, are different.

"Faith, what are you doing here?" I whisper, and take a couple of steps towards her. I feel something weird in my tummy, right below my belly button. I know that's important. At least I think it's important, but I'm not sure why. It feels familiar, but in a bad way. She shrugs her shoulders, and pulls a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of her pocket. How did she even fit those in there? Ok, Buffy, focus. Something is very wrong and I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with Faith's tiny pockets, but wouldn't it be weird if it did?

"Doesn't really matter, does it?" she asks and starts to lightly tap the pack on the palm of her hand. I don't know exactly why she does that, she tried to explain it to me once, but then I started thinking about shoes. "I'm here now, so why do you gotta ask?" I just stare at her for a few seconds with a raised eyebrow. She's been living with me for how long and she's just now questioning why I always ask questions? Did she fall and bump her head, or trip on acid, or get hit really hard with a golf ball or something? Lincoln has a public golf course so it's very possible.

"It's not safe here," I tell her in almost a whisper. The fog starts to thicken around us, and I feel like it's trying to close in on me. I look around, but all I can see is the darkness, and some trees, and more graves, but they're all blurred because of this dense fog. I hear her lighter ignite, and then the sound of her taking the very first drag of her very bad habit. It sounds different though. I don't know what's different about it exactly, but it's ringing a couple of bad bells that I just can't place. It's almost like this fog is doing more than just blocking my vision. It's almost like its blocking parts of my mind too. "I think something's after me." She exhales, and the large puff of smoke gets lost in the fog.

"Oh I know what's after you, pussy cat, but you don't gotta be afraid," she says, and takes another small drag of her cigarette. Her voice sounds so weird right now. Normally when I'm afraid of something, it doesn't happen often but it sometimes occurs, she reassures me. I know what she said may look reassuring, but it didn't sound reassuring. The very opposite, actually. She's making me even more afraid. She lifts her head a little so she's looking up into the night and quickly exhales. Then she brings her head down so she's looking right into my eyes. She has a little twinkle in them that I'm not loving at the moment. "I don't want to hurt you." My eyebrows furrow, and my whole body tenses up. What the hell is she talking about?

"You're after me?" I ask, and my voice shakes a little. Why am I getting so afraid? It shouldn't be this way. It's not supposed to be this way. At least I don't think it's supposed to be this way. She nods her head yes, and takes another drag of the cigarette. The sound, that strange sound of her pulling on the butt of it, there's something not right about it. It's not supposed to sound that way, but I can't remember why. What am I missing, dammit? "But that doesn't make sense." I sound totally frustrated, and she just kind of smiles. I hate it when she smiles when I'm upset. If I'm confused then she should be confused too. Or at least explain what the hell is going on instead of just standing there.

"Sure it does, B. You're just standing too close to see it." Ok, if I was confused before then mark me down for being totally fucking lost. I have no idea what the hell she's talking about. She's just standing there looking all smug and Faith-like, but something feels totally off. She's right, there's something that I'm not seeing. I don't know what I'm standing too close to, but whatever it is I can't see it. I don't know if that's supposed to be literal or figurative. I mean, am I standing to close to…whatever it is to, to actually physically see it, or does she mean I'm too involved in the situation and I need to remove myself from it to come to an understanding? I think I've been listening to way too many Zen tapes.

"To see what?" I ask and I hate that I had to ask. I don't know why, normally I don't feel stupid whenever I have to ask Faith something, but for some reason I feel like I shouldn't be asking her anything. Especially now that I know she's the one after me. And why the hell is she after me? Are we playing some kind of sexy game that I don't know about? We used to play sexy hide and seek in our old apartment before we had Matthew. Aw, the good old days. Anyway, she kinda looks me up and down, ya know, that whole elevator eyes thing that if done in the wrong place to the wrong person will get you thrown in a sexual harassment seminar.

"The fact that you've already lost," she says, and the puff of smoke surrounding her face made that sentence so much scarier. She didn't say it in a threatening way or with any anger in her voice. She said that calmly, causally, like it's a simple fact. That's what is so damn scary about it. A cold chill works its way down my back and I have to fight off the shudder that wants to ripple through my muscles. I was creeped out by her before, but now I'm really scared. But she's my wife, I shouldn't be afraid of her. Seeing her is supposed to make me feel better, not worse. A strange tightness starts to form in my chest, and I don't know why but I feel like I need to get out of here right now or something awful is going to happen.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say and I try not to sound afraid. Judging by the smirk that just popped up on her face it didn't work too well. She just stares at me, continuing to smoke her ever shrinking cigarette. Her eyes keep scanning over my body and it's making me feel very uncomfortable. The feeling is alien to me. Normally when Faith's eyes scan over me like that it makes me feel wanted, and sexy, and glad that after all we've been through she still looks at me that way. I need to get out of here. I'm starting to feel suffocated and even more afraid then I was before. "I'm going to leave now." I only take one step. The look on her face has completely changed and it literally stopped me in my tracks.

"No you're not," she says, and she sounds a little angry. She throws the remainder of her cigarette onto the ground and she doesn't bother stamping it out with her foot. Before my mind has even registered her movement, she's right in front of me. Her hands are on my arms and she's holding them to my side. She's not being gentle about it either. I wouldn't be surprised if bruises were forming this very second. I try to squirm, to get out of her grasp but she holds on tighter. This doesn't make sense. Why is she so strong? "You're not ready yet." She looks me dead in the eyes as she says that.

My own eyes grow wide with fear as I watch hers change. Not just her eyes, but her entire face changes. Her eyes turn yellow, ridges appear on her brow, and once where there were two small teeth, are now razor sharp fangs. I'm stuck here staring in shock because I've just witnessed my wife morph into a hunter, a killer, a soulless creature that I spend most of my nights hunting down and slaying. She takes advantage of the fact that I'm in shock, and she slams me up against a tall grave stone. I didn't notice it before. It's one of those tall stones with an angel on top, looking over the cemetery, especially the person who's resting directly beneath it.

A hollow scream escapes my lungs and over her shoulder I can see the owl flying away. I guess he was trying to warn me that something bad was going to happen and now that things are going bad he's flying off to find some place safer. Or maybe he just can't believe how stupid I am and doesn't want to watch me die. Or maybe he just got hungry. Ok, why am I thinking about that stupid owl when Faith the Vampire is pressing me up against this stone and staring at me like a starved dog staring at a steak grilled to perfection and drizzled in A1 sauce, sitting on a plate just out of reach on the kitchen table and wishing with all of its might that its master accidentally drops it on the floor?

"Faith, what are you doing?" I manage to slip through the tiny cracks that have splintered in the fear and tension that is cemented between us. Her eyes tear away from mine, and move down to my lips. She has that look on her face that I know so well. She wants to kiss me. But I see something else behind it too, and unfortunately I know what that means too. She wants to kiss me hard enough to make my lips bleed so she can suckle the blood.

"Aw, pussy cat, don't be afraid. I told you I don't wanna hurt you," she says, her voice thick with lust, and she looks up into my eyes again. She smiles a sickening grin, and my stomach sinks down to my knees. I try to look deeper into her eyes. Maybe I can find her real intentions. Maybe she doesn't want to hurt me after all. But all I see when I look into her yellow orbs is a darkness so black I think it swallowed the abyss.

"I need to leave, Faith." Maybe if I can get out of here I can pretend all of this never happened. I can go back to running and track down the owl and tell him he was wrong. Where am I supposed to be? I have a feeling it isn't here, and I'm not just saying that because my wife wants to kill me. I honestly have no idea where I was going when I was running, but I'm sure it was towards something and not away from something. I think the feeling of being chased was just a coincidence. I feel my eyebrows furrow like they always do when I'm confused, and her smiles softens a little. She almost looks like the Faith I used to know. "I don't think I'm supposed to be here." Her grip tightens and I wince at the pain.

"You can't go yet, pussy cat. You're not ready. I'm gonna set your mind free, and you won't have to worry about me not loving you. I gotta make you young forever first." There's a moment of tension that passes by. Everything gets eerily still, and my heart starts thundering in my chest when I see her cock her head to the side just a teeny bit, and she slowly runs the tip of her tongue over her upper lip. Before I can make a sound or move a muscle her fangs sink deep into my neck. I let out the tiniest little gasp, and my eyes grow as wide as saucers at the sudden pain. I can feel the blood rushing, feel her crotch grinding against mine as she takes me, breaks me, and makes me hers forever.

My eyes fly open, and all I see is the darkness of the room. My breathing is ragged and I feel a thin layer of sweat covering my entire body. I can still see and hear little bits and pieces of that crazy dream echoing inside my mind. What the fuck was that all about? I don't really remember much. I know that it was weird, and that Faith tried to kill me. I can still see those cold, yellow eyes staring into mine. What's wrong with me? I don't think that question will ever have an answer to it. Kind of like trying to explain to someone how you move your hand. It's impossible to explain how to do it, you just do it. Ok, maybe that was a bad example. If I weren't so tired I'd try to come up with something else, but I guess you're just going to have to take what I've given you and be happy about it. Or not, whichever you decide.

I lie there, unmoving, and concentrate on trying to get my breathing under control. Now that I'm awake and the dream is starting to fade completely it isn't taking long. My eyes have adjusted to the room and I can see my dresser and the outline of my things on top of it. I can see the hamper with all of our dirty laundry. I can see the clothes sticking out of the top, and there is a small pile on the floor. Those are all of the ones that won't fit inside. When was the last time anyone did laundry? That's a chore that Faith and I try to split equally since we both hate doing it. That's all I can see without the light being on. Slayer eyesight is awesome, but it doesn't mean I have night vision. But how awesome would that be? Xander would be totally jealous, and I'm sure Andrew would make lots of geeky comic book character references. On second thought, I think Xander, Andrew and Faith would all geek out and start making those references if we could do that.

I roll over onto my back and try to get comfortable. I can already tell that I'm not going to be able to fall asleep again. Don't you hate it when that happens? I look over at Faith, and I can tell just by looking at her pretty face that she isn't asleep. When she sleeps she looks so peaceful, but right now she looks worried. Maybe she's having a nightmare? No, she talks in her sleep when she has nightmares. It's one of the cutest yet most annoying things about her. I reach over and slowly run my fingertips across her cheek. Her eyebrows relax, making that little wrinkle in between them to go away. She slowly opens her eyes, and she has a guilty look on her face. It makes her look even more adorable, like she's a little kid that got caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar after being told to wait until after dinner to eat one.

"You ok, sweetness?" she asks and her voice is lined with worry. I feel my eyebrows furrow a little and she gets that soft little grin on her face that always appears when I get a very 'Buffy' expression on my face. "I heard you whining in your sleep. You called out for help." I did? Why didn't she wake me up? Ok, getting mad at her for that is just stupid. I watch as she bring her hand up, and gently takes a hold of my hand that's still softly caressing her face. She slowly pulls it away from her face and gives my palm a soft kiss and keeps holding onto my hand, and she rests them on the bed between us. I'm focusing on her doing this because I don't really know what to say. I barely remember the dream I had and what I do remember of it isn't good. What I remember most was an overwhelming sense of fear and loss of hope.

"You only have bad dreams when something's bothering you. What's been goin on in your head, B?" she asks softly, and I cast my eyes downward to the space between us. I know what she's really asking and I don't want to answer her. She isn't just asking about the dream, but about the way I've been acting lately. I know I've been a little…off lately. I don't normally dress the way I have been, or act so recklessly. If I go to Faith's work feeling a little frisky I always lock her office door so her dad can't just walk in on us. I left the door unlocked on purpose. I wanted that feeling, that little thrill that goes down your spine when you feel like you could get caught at any second. I didn't know he was going to walk in on us like that. Faith's mad at me about it. She told me she can't even look her dad in the eye anymore. Things will blow over and they'll get over it, but I have a feeling it's going to take a while for that to happen.

"B, you can tell me anything. You don't have to be embarrassed," she says, and her voice remains soft, and gentle. Sometimes when I feel like I can't tell her something she gets a little impatient. I guess that's one more reason to be thankful for having kids. They, especially Matthew, taught her how to be patient because you can't rush a little kid when they don't feel like talking or they freak out and either throw a fit or just shut down completely. I feel her thumb gently caress the back of my hand and I let out a little sigh. "You've been acting so…not like Buffy. There's gotta be a reason, B. You don't just act like this for no reason." And now I feel like I'm being lectured. She's definitely tapping a little too much into 'mother mode'. I let out a shaky breath, and she remains quiet. I can feel her eyes on me, and I know I have to tell her. I feel like I'm finally ready to talk to her.

"When we were patrolling, and that vampire stabbed me." I stop talking when I practically feel her tense up. My eyes instantly dash up to her. I didn't mean to make her feel uncomfortable, but the thought of me getting hurt always gets a reaction out of her, just like the thought of her getting hurt always gets a horrible reaction out of me. How we're able to go patrolling on a regular basis is beyond me. I wait for her to relax, it only takes a few seconds, and then I let out another shaky breath and keep going. "When you were carrying me home I got this thought that maybe I'm getting too old to keep patrolling. I should have been able to stop that vampire. I should have been able to fight him better than I did. He had the upper hand the entire time. That never would've happened before. Before I got old." I feel the bed shake a little and I try not to get irritated. She's holding in her laughter, and it's making her body shake.

"I'm sorry, B," she says and her voice sounds choked because she's trying so hard not to laugh. I guess she can tell by the look on my face that I'm not happy with her at the moment. She's quiet for a minute or two, and I can tell she's trying to get her laughter under control. I'm not looking at her anymore. I'm looking at our joined hands. "So you're like, going through your midlife crisis?" I hate it when she can't take anything serious. I try to pull my hand away from her so I can roll over onto my side and face away from her, but she holds on a little tighter. "I'm sorry. It's just…you're not old, B. And I'm only two years younger than ya, so if you're getting too old to patrol then so am I." I sigh a little. She just doesn't understand. It isn't just about patrolling, and she doesn't get that. Sometimes I feel like she doesn't understand me at all. "What, you think you're getting too old for me?" Or maybe she knows me better than I thought.

"Yeah, I guess," I say and I go quiet. She doesn't say anything and after a few tense moments pass I know she isn't going to say anything. It's my turn to talk, to explain how I've been feeling. She knows if she's quiet I'll say something to fill up the void as it grows and spreads tension around. She really sucks sometimes, and not in a good way. "I'm just afraid you're not going to think I'm sexy anymore. My body is already so different from yours. I've been pregnant twice so I have more stretch marks, and gravity is starting to work against me. I looked in the mirror, I stared at my body for a really long time, and……things are just different. I want to be sexy…for you, and I don't feel like I am anymore." I feel her shift on the bed and look up just in time to see her leaning towards me. I close my eyes right before her lips reach mine. The kiss is soft and sweet, and I can feel her love pouring into me from everywhere our bodies are connected.

"When your hair is white, and your tits are at your knees, and you've completely lost your damn mind I will think you are the sexiest woman on the planet," she says as she gazes deeply into my eyes. I can tell just by the look in them that she means it. I chuckle a little though at her description, and I look away from her. I feel stupid for thinking that she would stop loving me, or stop being attracted to me. When am I going to stop being so damn insecure? I was never like this before when I was younger. Ok, so maybe I was, but not about my body. I guess it makes sense. I've been insecure about everything at least once. I guess it's just time I start freaking out about this. I wish I could be more like Faith sometimes. She never gets insecure about her body. Well, once she did for a little while, but that was when she was pregnant with Addison. But after that she was confident. She's hot and she knows it.

"Is that why you dressed all slutty and fucked me in my office?" she asks and she sounds very amused. My neck and cheeks burn with a deep blush when she says that. I'm sure I'm as red as Willow's hair right now. She chuckles a little, and gently rubs my cheek. "It was hot, B, don't get me wrong. But I think that outfit should be saved for Halloween, or when the kids aren't around. I think Joey is gonna need therapy after seein you dressed like that. He just couldn't understand why is mommy was dressed like that." I laugh a little bit as I imagine what it must've been like on the car ride to his daycare. The older Joseph gets the more inquisitive he gets about everything. When something happens that he doesn't understand he'll just stand back and watch with this very…studious look on his face. I call it his 'scientist' face, because he looks like a little scientist trying to solve a problem.

"I can't believe I dressed like that in front of them. It's not like they haven't see us like that before. We've worn some pretty inappropriate things for Halloween, but……what is wrong with me?" I ask, but I'm not upset like you're probably thinking. I'm laughing a little and it feels so good to have all of this worry lifted from my mind. Faith loves me. She's always going to love me. That's what we promised each other even before we got married. We go quiet again, but this time there's no tension, just a nice comfortable silence. I like watching Faith when we have little moments like this. Something is always running through her head, and seeing those thoughts influence her facial expression is fun to watch. Like right now for example. I can tell she's thinking about something serious because her eyebrows are starting to furrow a little, but it isn't something bad because she doesn't have a frown on her face. "What is it, sweetheart?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothin. Just thinking," she says and shifts around on the bed a little. She brings her knee up until it's touching my thigh, but I can tell just from her body language that she isn't looking to start something. She just needs more contact but for whatever reason she doesn't just want to take it or ask for it. I could be wrong though. Her leg could've been getting a little stiff so she needed to move it around before it fell asleep. That's always a possibility too. I give her a little curious look, and she gets a little smile on her face, but I have a feeling it isn't a happy smile. Don't ask me why. That's just how I feel. "I was just thinkin how it isn't gonna be too long before we have to tell Addy to go back upstairs and change her clothes 'cause what she's wearing is too slutty for school. She takes after me too much already. I think when she's a teenager I'm gonna develop blood pressure issues." I chuckle a little, but calm myself before it turns into a real laugh.

"Who knows, maybe puberty will calm her down and then she'll take after me." I regret those words as soon as they leave my mouth. When I was a teenage I would sneak out at night to go be with my much older boyfriend, I had sex with said boyfriend without my mom even knowing he existed, I had died once, was an accomplice to a murder, and dressed way inappropriately. How I got away with wearing those short skirts to school I'll never know. Oh God, maybe all of the teachers were perverts and didn't complain because they liked the view? Maybe that's the real reason why my History teacher never gave me anything lower then a C on the quizzes and tests when I didn't really study all that much. Wow, that one thought just opened up a whole new bag of issues to feel insecure about. Faith scuffs and it snaps me out of my little freak out.

"No offense, B, but you weren't exactly the poster child of what I'm hoping our kid is gonna be like. I hope she's more like Red. Willow was always pretty calm, right?" I nod my head a little but I don't really mean it. Sure, Willow was always way "calmer" then the rest of us, but the relationship she had with her parents was almost nonexistent. I definitely shaped a lot of who Willow was because she was always trying to do really good things so her parents would pay attention to her. After a while she just stopped caring. I think that's when she started seeing Oz. She knew her parents wouldn't approve of her dating a musician slash werewolf so she kept him a secret for a really long time. Then she acted out and spilled the beans and Oz had to go her house for dinner and get interrogated by parents. But Oz was a really good guy. God, I hope Addison has a thing for really good guys.

"Baby, what if she acts out by dating some sleazebag?" I ask, and Faith gets this look on her face that is totally saying 'don't even go there'. She's so anti-dating already when it comes to Addison and our girl is only eight years old. That means she's going to start dating in about six years. I think fourteen is the right age for a girl to start bringing boys home from school for her parents to meet, even if they're just friends. I don't want Addison to feel weird about doing stuff like that. Although, knowing how protective she is, Faith is probably going to interrogate the poor boys and check their wallets for condoms. I'll probably find a way to keep Addison distracted so Faith can do that without getting caught by our daughter and start the third world war. "You're right, that's a stupid thought. It's not like we're going to be so oppressive that she'll want to rebel by dating some loser who only wants to……take advantage of her." If I had worded that any differently I think Faith would've started the third world war just now.

"She's not dating until she's thirty," Faith says and she sounds a little grumpy. I hate it when she gets like this. When Matthew was a baby, and even just a little boy, we used to rock him to sleep, or stand in the doorway and watch him sleep after he moved to his "big boy" bed. We would just stand there and watch, and quietly talk about what his wife is going to look like, and be like, and how if she ever did anything to hurt my baby boy I'd gouge her eyes out with a rusty spoon. But after we had Addison, and even when Addison was still in the womb, Faith didn't want to play that little game anymore. 'Her' little baby girl isn't going to date, or even develop an interest in boys until she's grown up and completely self sufficient. I want all of our babies to be able to take care of themselves and not need anybody else for financial support or anything like that, but I do want all of them to find someone to love the same way I love Faith.

"Ok, baby, live in denial all you want. When she's twenty-five and getting married I'll make sure to take lots of pictures for you to see." She hates it when I say stuff like that, but I love it because she always gets a very unique expression on her face. Like a cross between a pout and irritation, and it's so adorable. And she's getting it right now. "Aw, come on, you know I'm just joking around with you. Besides if she's anything like us then she won't get married until after she's already had two kids with the love of her life." That gets me a scowl, but all I do is laugh and snuggle up really close to her. She wraps her arms around me and snuggles back a little, but the scowl is still on her face. I let out a very happy sigh as I rest my head down on her pillow, and close my eyes. Maybe now that all of that weight has been lifted off my mind, and with her arms wrapped around me I'll be able to sleep peacefully.

FPOV

This right here is what life is all fuckin about. I'm kicked back by the pool with a cold glass of fruit punch, with a little something extra added thanks to B, my kids are in the pool splashing around and havin an awesome time. The big dumb dog is running around the edge of it barkin her lungs out 'cause she's too afraid to jump in, the little dumb dog got pulled in my Addy about five minutes ago and now she looks like a drowning rat trying as hard as she can to get to the edge. B's in the middle of a splashing contest with Mattie and losing fast. She's never been good at splash fights. She just randomly hits the water as hard as she can and only some of it gets in your face. The trick is to hold your hands side by side, put the heels of 'em in the water and tilt your fingers back a little so that when you push hella hard it makes a big wave. Taught Mattie how to do that when he was eight; biggest mistake I've ever made.

Buffy's finally starting to act like her old self again. Hopefully that little midlife crisis was the worst of it, and she won't wig out like that again. Dressin up kinda slutty every once in a while when we're going out is great, but I don't think the kids would've appreciated their mom showing up at back to school night looking like she's about to open up shop in the red light district. That's just not what B is about. She's all soft edges, and pastels most of the time, and some of the time she's rough and dirty. That's just how it's supposed to be. I'm not sayin I want her to be this Stepford wife or nothin. B can do what she wants to do 'cause she's my wife not my property, but she's not this dirty bad girl. She's the kind of girl you take home to your parents and settle down with. I didn't have parents to take her home to, but we sure as hell have settled down.

What the fuck am I even talking about anymore? I guess it's my turn to go a little insane. I think B put more alcohol in this then I thought. I better keep a close eye on it. The kids love to steal a sip of our drinks when we're not lookin and the last thing I need is one of 'em gettin tanked 'cause I was too busy starin at B's tits to pay attention to my drink. She brought up a good point last night when she said that we're getting older and our bodies are starting to change, but damn, she's still so fuckin hot. Total MILF, that's for fuckin sure. I know I still got it goin on, and I feel bad for Mattie. I know that probably sounds like insane drunken logic but let me explain. He has two hot moms, which means when his teenage guy friends come over to hang out, they're gonna be checkin us out and probably teasing him about how bad they wanna fuck us. Then again, my boy is a slayer and one good punch to the arm outta shut 'em up.

I'm not sayin I want my kid to be violent, but defending a parent's honor is something that every kid should fuckin due. I know I tried like hell to defend my mom before I dropped out of school. The other punk kids would be makin fun of me, callin my mom a druggie whore and all that shit, and I started more than a few fist fights 'cause of that. The biggest fight I got into, other than the Battle of Sunnydale, though, was 'cause of my dad. And I don't mean like, the fight was so bad I broke bones or anything like that. Nah, what I mean is this one kid was makin fun of me 'cause of my dad bein in prison. Well, at the school I went to a lot of kids had dads in prison and that motherfucker kept runnin their mouth and about ten of us ganged up and beat the shit out of him. I threw the first punch and it was like a damn bomb went off and everyone else jumped in.

But I don't wanna be thinkin about that shit right now. Nah, right now I wanna just relax, and drink my drink and take more pictures of my family. B handed me the camera and said if I'm not gonna participate in the fun then I should document it. We don't take enough pictures of our kids, and she's really worried about it. When they were babies we photographed almost everything, but we keep getting so caught up in just getting the day over and done with that we don't stop to appreciate what we have. The only time we ever really take pictures is when we go on vacation, and that isn't too often. We have some beautiful pictures of the kids sitting on the beach when we were in Hawaii. The sun was setting, and the sky was all kinds of colors, and the kids were actually playing nicely together and building a sandcastle. But about fifteen seconds after the picture was taken Joey accidentally knocked down the left tower and all hell broke loose.

That's why it's so damn important to take pictures today. It's Friday, but me and B both left work around two, and I picked Joey up from daycare early. We wanted to be home when the kids got home from school so we could spend the rest of the day with them and go swimming. Mattie and Addy are old enough to be home by themselves, and B gets home around five, so they're only home for two hours by themselves, and some of B's friends are stay-at-home moms, which is cool if that's your thing. Me and B did that until Mattie went to kindergarten. I think if we stayed home together all fuckin day like that we would've driven each other crazy. Come to think of it I think all of our problems that we had, the whole hating each other and splitting up thing, was because we were together all the time. We never really got a break from each other. We never had a chance to miss each other, so that caused lots of problems.

Oh yeah, that picture is going on the Christmas card. Mattie splashed B just like I taught him, and a huge wave of water just went down her throat, and I got a picture of her coughing it back up. Maybe I'll use that for our desktop background. Oh yeah, that'll really bug the shit out of her. She turns on the computer to check her e-mail and the first thing she sees is a picture of her hackin up about a gallon of water. Knowing Buffy if I did that I wouldn't get sex for a month. She's getting better at the whole 'holding out' thing. It's getting a little scary. I need sex all the time, and she can go all cold war over anything if she really wanted to. She doesn't do it very often, but it happens sometimes and I always cave. She must know how to give herself an awesome orgasm in the shower if she can go without a piece of this for more than a week.

"Mama, I'm thirsty!" Joey yells from the edge of the pool. I'm tempted to yell something sarcastic back, but he's still a little too young to understand sarcasm and I don't want him walkin through the house soakin wet. B would get all pissy and make me clean it up for giving him the idea that it's ok to walk through the house when you're drippin wet. "Will you get me a juice, please?" I'm so fuckin glad Buffy is there other mom. If it weren't for her these kids wouldn't have any fuckin manners. I sigh a little and put the camera down. Hopefully that fuckin mutt won't bother it. Sasha's been going through this 'I'm gonna chew your shit up' phase and it's annoying as hell. We bought about two hundred bucks worth of toys and the only stuff she likes to chew on belongs to me. Does she smell me on it and wants to fuckin kill it? That could be the reason. That dog is all about Buffy and doesn't really want anything to do with me.

Anyway, so I get up off my ass and go into the kitchen. I grab a little bottle of orange juice out of the fridge and let the cool air run over my body. Sitting out on the chair and getting some sun made me a lot hotter than I thought. Hopefully I put on enough sunscreen and I won't burn. There's nothing tackier then a sunburn, and how fuckin gross is it when you start to peel? I feel like a snake when that shit happens. Maybe I will go swimming after all. Normally whenever the kids are in the pool I'm right there with 'em, starting splash fights, racing to see who's the fastest swimmer, and playing Marco Polo. But today I'm just too fuckin tired. After B went back to sleep I stayed up and just held her. I don't know what the fuck happened in her dream but it wasn't good. She was talking in her sleep and kept saying "no Faith, no", and then she would whimper like she was in pain. I asked her about it this morning, but she said she couldn't remember.

I'm not gonna worry about it or let it bother me too much. She's been feeling really fucked, and I know it's gonna take more than me telling her she's still fuckin hot to calm her down. B can repress shit like no one's business. You guys were around when Riley fuckin booked, and her mom died. She held all of that shit in and cut herself off from everyone. And it wasn't just then. She had a big problem with letting her guard down around me when we first started dating, and we still have problems with it sometimes. She still thinks she has to be strong all the time, like she's some supermom, super slayer, super everything and if she admits that she can't handle something then the world will come tumbling down around her. But last night she let me in, after only one day of freaking out. Normally it takes her a week or two for the stress to really set in, and she'll finally break down and that's when she opens up to me.

I'm not saying that I'm fuckin perfect. It took me a lot longer to learn how to open up to her then it took her to learn to open up to me. I had never been in a real relationship before, and I didn't know what they're really all about. It all comes down to trust. If you can't trust the person you're with then there's no fuckin way it's gonna last. Don't get me wrong, I trusted her. I trusted her with my body, and my heart, but my mind? I didn't trust anyone with that. I honestly don't remember my reasoning for it back then, but I'm sure I had a good excuse not to trust her completely. But now I can tell her everything. Ok, well, maybe not everything. There are just some things that you don't tell your wife. Like, "Hey that chick over there looks hot. Oh man, the things I would do to her if we weren't together." Nah, I keep that shit to myself. But the shit about my past that I held onto so hard, that stuff I can tell her.

Anyway, so I walk back outside to give my boy his juice and I can't help but roll my eyes. Buffy has the two little ones sitting on their towels that are in the grass about ten feet away from the pool. I guess they did somethin to earn a time-out. I know we're supposed to discipline them to teach 'em that actions have consequences and all that good stuff, but can't she just chill out for a day? I set the bottle of juice down on the table on the deck, and walk over to the pool. Buffy's sitting on the edge with her legs dipped in the water up to her knees, and watchin Mattie swim underwater. I swear that kid is like a whale. He can hold his breath like nobody's fuckin business. I sit down next to her and dangle my legs in the water too. The little ones must've done something to deserve a time-out and they know they should be sitting there because they're not asking me to let them get up.

"What are they in for this time?" I ask in my best 1920's Chicago accent. And I have to admit, it's pretty fuckin awesome. Buffy laughs a little bit, which was the whole fuckin point of using the accent, and she shrugs her shoulders a little. I turn my head to look at her, and all of my breath leaves my body in one big exhale. She looks so beautiful right now, and she literally just took my breath away. She's been doing that since I first showed up in Sunnydale, and how crazy is it that she can still do that? You'd think I'd be used to her beauty by now, but every once in a while I'll take the time to just look at her and she still amazes me. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail and still dripping wet, she's rockin an awesome tan, and the sun is hitting her just right. She looks like she just stepped off the set of a photo shoot or something, except she's not wearing any makeup.

"They were fighting over your camera to look at the pictures," she says and I can tell she's got something on her mind. If she were anymore distracted she probably wouldn't have noticed that I said anything at all. I know that it's going to take her some time to get over this little…whatever it is she went through, but I hope she isn't feeling all insecure so soon. Everything has been going pretty perfect today, and I want her to just enjoy herself. And I won't lie, another reason I want her to stay relaxed is so I can stay relaxed. If she gets all upset it'll ruin this day for me too, ya know? We don't get to just kick back very often, and we should both enjoy it. I gently touch her fingers with the tips of my own and the little touch pulls her mind back to reality. She looks over at, and she looks a little surprised, like she wasn't fully aware that I was sitting next to her or something. Man, when she zones out she really commits.

"I thought we agreed no deep thoughts today," I say and I sound dead serious but I have a little smile on my face to let her know I'm just playin around. She hates it when I sound serious like that, like she thinks I'm trying to boss her around and control what she does. We both know I would never do that to her, at least in a non-kinky fun kinda way. One thing that I had to learn the hard way is Buffy is very tone sensitive. If I'm being a little bitchy and use a harsh tone with her it throws her off and she gets all upset. We've gotten better about it over the years, I've learned more self control, and she's learned to not take it too personally. Why the fuck am I even talking about this? I have more important things to think about. "What's runnin around in that head of yours?" My tone is way gentler this time, and I softly squeeze her hand to add a little emphasis. She breaks the eye contact we got goin on to look down at the water again.

"I'm worried about him," she says and we watch Mattie swim under the water. He comes up for breath at the far end of the pool and we both smile and wave at him. He gets this look on his face like he's a little creeped out and then he dives back under again. He can do five laps underwater so we have plenty of time to talk about him without him hearing us. We have to keep our voices low though. Otherwise the little kids will hear and tell him what we said. They've gotten into the bad habit of doing that. "He's just so closed off all the time. He used to be so open to us. We'd talk about everything that was running through his mind and now it's like he's slammed the door shut and locked us out. I know he's a teenager and I know we're his parents but he should be able to talk to us about important stuff. We've always made it very clear that they can talk to us about important stuff." She sounds like she's trying not to cry, and it breaks my heart a little.

"I know, babe. He's just got a lot on his shoulders, ya know? He's the oldest so there's all this pressure to set a good example. Then there's sports, and trying really hard to control his powers so he doesn't hurt anyone, and keeping his grades up so he can play the sports. And then all the bullshit pressure that goes along with being a teenager." She looks over at me like I just grew a second head. I just smile and shake my head a little. I know she hasn't forgotten what it's like to be a teenager, and neither have I. Some people are just too disconnected to really remember what it's like to have all the hormones raging, and peer-pressure, and having to be good enough for everyone else. But we get it. That's why it's so fucking frustrating when he won't talk to us about certain things. "He still talks to us or else he would've have told us that." I give her a sweet smile but she just rolls her eyes. Ok, she doesn't have to be a total bitch about it.

"No, he talks to you. He doesn't talk to me anymore. All I get is a bland account of his day when I come home from work and ask him how school was. If this is what my mother felt like then I should've been buying her better mother's day gifts." That makes me laugh a little, and the corner of her mouth that I can see is trying to turn up in a smile but she isn't letting it. "It's just…there's real violence out in the world. It never finds most people, but it's addicted to us. I guess I hoped it would never find our kids while they're still young, but it found him, and seeing what he saw…it's going to change him. I changed after I found out about being a slayer, and after my watcher took me to the cemetery to prove he wasn't crazy. My innocence was just gone overnight, and I had to grow up, and be an adult when all I wanted to do was be a teenage girl. I just didn't want him to have to grow up so fast."

We go quiet again as he breaks the surface, and takes another deep breath. He dives under the water again, and we watch as he swims from one end of the pool to the other. I let everything she just said sink in and I think I finally realize it too. He isn't going to be the same. No one can be the same after experiencing something so fucked up. She's wrong about one thing though: he isn't an adult yet. He's only thirteen. He'll be fourteen in July. He's not an adult by a long shot. He hasn't even finished going through puberty yet. I understand what she means though. She doesn't want his childhood ruined and completely tainted. My dad went to prison and my mom started drinking even more and started doing drugs when I was ten. That's when I had to start taking care of her. That's when I had to be the grown up in the family.

I love Buffy more then I'll ever be able to describe, but even after she became the slayer she wasn't an adult. Sure she was more mature then most teenagers, but she was still just a kid. A kid who was forced to make a lot of adult decisions, and had way more responsibilities, but that didn't make her an adult. It wasn't until her mom died that she finally grew up. Mommy wasn't there to take care of her anymore, and she had to be the head of the household. I'm not trying to be harsh on her or anything, but I know what it's like to have to be a "little adult" and Mattie doesn't even come close to it. He still has us to look after him and make the hard decisions. I know he's going to be different. I'm not saying after a couple of months he's going to go back to the way he was before that girl died. I'm just saying I think B's overreacting just a little bit.

"I think we need to just calm down and see what happens," I say and gently rub her back. I can feel how tense she is and I don't fuckin like it. I want her to be relaxed. I don't want her to be all stressed out about anything, at least not today. Normally I would get a little irritated and think that she's trying to keep all of this on her shoulders like she always does, and that she won't let me help her carry some of the weight, but that just isn't the case here. She's just worried about her son, and I can't blame her for that 'cause I'm worried about him too. "We just gotta remind him every once in a while that he can talk to us about anything, and he will, B. We just gotta let him process first. And we can't bug him about it too much. We don't wanna turn into the uncool overbearing moms that pry into everything he does." That makes her laugh a little and I can feel some of the tension melt from her back.

"Mommy, can we get up now? We've been sitting here forever," Addy says and she sounds irritated. Normally they only get a five minute time out but if I had to guess I'd say they've been sitting there for about fifteen minutes. "It's really hot and we just want to swim, Mom." I look over at B and she sighs a little. I know exactly what she's feeling 'cause I feel it sometimes too. It's that feeling you get when the word 'mom' sounds really foreign. Like for a second you forget that these little people came from you. She looks over at me with a pout on her face and I know exactly what she wants. With a big sigh I stand up and walk over to the babies. They hate it when we call them babies, but that's what they're always going to be to us. Anyway, I stand about a foot away from them and put my hands on my hips and try to look mean. They're trying not to smile 'cause they know what's coming.

"Are you little punks done fighting over my camera?" I ask and I sound all strict. I tap my right foot all impatient, and they giggle a little and they shake their heads no. Addy's squirming around she's trying so hard not to laugh. "No, you're not done being little punk brats?" They giggle some more and shake their heads no again, and I let out a big overdramatic sigh. "I guess I'm just gonna have to teach you little punks a lesson." In the blink of an eye I reach down and scoop 'em up. They start crackin up like a couple of stoners watchin Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, and I make a mad dash for the pool. They're kicking and screaming and holding onto my arms for dear life and I jump as high as I can. For about two seconds it feels like we're suspended in the air. As soon as I feel my feet touch the water I loosen my grip on the kids, and when I feel my arms hit I let them go completely.

I keep my eyes open under the water and watch the kids. They're kickin like crazy, and I'm sure they're not too happy with me right now. I normally don't let them go, but I wanted to see if they could make it to the surface on their own. That's why I'm forcing myself to stay under just in case they need some help. But it looks like the lessons they've been taking from their mother and grandpa have been payin off 'cause they make it up there with no problem. With two hard kicks I break the surface of the water. All I can hear are the sounds of the kids laughing and Buffy having a mild heart attack. Apparently letting them go was a stupid idea and they could've gotten hurt. I force myself not to roll my eyes 'cause she might throw something at me if I do. She can be testy when I do "boneheaded stunts" with the kids. She stomps off towards the house, but she doesn't go inside. Instead she lays down on one of the chairs and starts to sunbathe.

"Will you have sex with her so she'll stop being so bitchy all the time?" Mattie asks, and I turn around to face him. He has a smirk on his face and I get a knot in my stomach. I know that Mattie and Joey look a lot like my dad, and I also look a lot like my dad but in a feminine way, so I guess you could say that they look a lot like me. What I never fuckin expected was to see this on one of their faces. That's the exact same smirk I get on my face when I say something I know is going to get a bad reaction. He's even got the dimples out on display. Genetics are a bitch, huh? I guess it wasn't my rough upbringing that made me all sarcastic. I splash him with a huge wave and he starts coughing. Ha, little punk didn't see that coming. "What, now it's a crime for saying the truth?" Now he's acting all innocent and shit. Definitely takes after his mother on that one.

"This whole taking-after-me-and-saying-things-for-shock-value needs to stop," I tell him and he gets that smirk on his face again. I splash him again, but this time he puts his hand out so most of the water doesn't get in his face. "I mean it. If you're gonna say stuff like that don't do it in front of your brother and sister. Unless you wanna give 'em the birds and the bees when they start askin questions." Luckily they already swam off and started harassing Sasha so they did hear what he said. He rolls his eyes and dives under the water again. I watch as he swims towards the younger kids and I know what's coming. He might try to act all grown up or whatever, but he's still a kid, and if it's one thing kids do really well it's pick on their siblings. He grabs onto Addy's ankle and tugs on it a little. Not enough to make her go underwater, but enough to make her scream. My wife is irritated with me, the kids are fighting, and the dog is still being retarded. Yep, this right here is what life is all fuckin about.


	86. Invasion Of The Home Wreckers

**Two Months Later.** FPOV

When I was like nine years old, I overhead my dad talking to one of the neighbors. The guy was seventy or something like that and he couldn't hear so good so my dad had to talk kinda loud. I stood against the side of the house as still as I could, thinkin I was some kinda bad ass spy or somethin 'cause I stayed home from school 'cause I was "sick" and I wasn't supposed to be outside. I heard my dad say "a daughter is God's way of punishing you" and then he laughed. The old guy agreed. I didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. I knew my dad loved me, and it wasn't just because he said the words. He showed it all the time. Letting me stay up a little passed my bedtime so he could finish reading me some book, or giving me just a little too much chocolate sauce on my ice cream, and he protected me from my mom.

On November 11, 2012 I finally figured out what the fuck my dad meant when he said that. That was the day Addy was born, and as soon as I held my baby girl in my arms for the very first time, those words hit me like a truck doing ninety on the freeway. Having a daughter completely changes your perspective of women in general. It's no secret, I was kind of a slut back in Sunnyhell, and I didn't just use guys. I used girls too, a lot of 'em. It's not like I just took 'em back to my room and fucked 'em. Well, that's exactly what I did, but getting them there was a little different then with the guys. The guys were never clingy. The guys were never under the misconception that I was going to call 'em the next day. The guys never thought they were gonna spend the night. The girls on the other hand were fed a huge plate of bullshit and then tossed out like twenty dollar whores.

I'm totally not surprised that the big G stuck it to me like this by giving me a little girl. After everything I've done, all I want to do is protect her from people like my teenage self. So, I bet you're wondering what the fuck brought on this whole inner monologue? Today is the last day of school, so B and I cut out from work early and we're having a party for the kids. We invited all the kids in the neighborhood and they got to invite three of their friends from school. Addy gave her invitations to Jake Torno, Andy Miller, and Daniel Rossi. Yep, that's right. My little girl invited three boys to the party. Buffy started laughing as soon as they ran out to the backyard and started playing, but I don't think it's fuckin funny. She's eight years old now, shouldn't she be thinkin boys have cooties or some shit like that?

Like I said, she's only eight so it's not like I'm worried about catching her in bed with some guy, but this could be a sign. This could be a warning that she's gonna be boy crazy when she's a teenager, and that scares the shit out of me. I don't want her to be treated the way I treated all those girls, or be thought about the way I thought of those chicks. Like they're nothing more than a play toy to be used and then tossed aside. Just the thought of someone thinkin of my baby girl like that makes my fuckin blood boil. Well, I'm not talking about them thinkin about her like that now 'cause I know she's too young for the boys to be thinkin of her like that. Then again, there are a lot of fuckin pervs in this world, and if I ever get the power to hear other people's thoughts and I catch one perving on my eight year old, their ass is fuckin grass.

Anyway, Buffy's worried about her being boy crazy too, I know she is, but she doesn't let herself dwell on it. Addy is still young and innocent and being friends with a boy isn't a big deal right now, and she wouldn't understand why I'm a little on edge. Well, maybe in her own way she'd be able to understand. She'd just roll her eyes and get all butt hurt because her friends are fun to play with and I shouldn't be cramping her style. She said something like that when I got a little irritated with B when she said that Brad should be invited to the party too 'cause he and Addy have been friends since the O'Keefe's moved here. I said maybe she should invite a girl from school 'cause there are gonna be a lot of boys here, and Addy got all irritated with me 'cause Brad is her friend and I shouldn't be mean to her friends just because they're boys. Ok, so maybe it is gender discrimination, but we're not talking about pay raises, or employee benefits. We're talking about my daughter.

But whatever, I'm not going to think about it anymore. If I keep thinking about it then all I'm gonna do is put myself in a really bad mood and that's never fun for anyone. B will get all irritated because I'm all irritated and we'll probably have a little fight and with all the kids here that would really fuckin suck. They'd have a not so cool story to tell their moms and dads when they get picked up later. I need to be paying attention anyway. Most of the kids are in the pool and I'm playing life guard while Buffy makes dinner. It was B's bright idea that this shouldn't just be a pool party. Oh no, it should be a sleepover too. Not all of the kids are staying over, just the six that were personally invited by Mattie and Addy. I know that doesn't sound very fair but these little bastards have taken over my quiet house and because it's summer time now most of 'em are gonna be over here a lot anyway so they can just suck it up.

Dawnie's boys are gonna be spending the night too, but they're not here yet. They go to the same daycare that Joey goes to, and after B finishes the grub she's gonna go pick 'em up. We normally don't eat this early. It's only five o'clock, but the kids are gonna be hungry soon from all the swimming and running around and shit. Dawn called me last night and wanted to know if we could watch the boys tonight 'cause she has to work late. So the party is the perfect excuse. She doesn't want Buffy knowing that she's working late because B will get all nosey like she always does and start asking questions. Dawn's business is starting to go downhill and she doesn't want Buffy worrying about it. If Buffy starts to worry about Dawn and treating her like a five year old like she used to, then all hell will break loose, and I'll be the one stuck in the middle.

So instead of telling Buffy that Dawn asked me to watch little Nick and Alex because she needs to lay off a bunch of people and she wants to do it in person because they deserve that type of respect, I "suggested" that we have the boys stay the night so Joey will have kids his own age to play with. He's already gonna be pissed off that we're having a party and he's not here so hopefully having his cousins over will soften the blow. I also gotta remember to stop by and feed Dawnie's dog. She took Buffy's advice and got a puppy from the pound so she won't be as lonely when the boys are at their dad's. The nice people at the shelter told her that little Cashmere would get about seventy pounds, but she's tipping the scales at about one-twenty.

And that fucker's mean too. We tried letting her play with Sasha but after three minutes she tried rippin her throat out. Luckily, I broke up the fight before she could hurt her too bad, Sasha just needed a couple stitches on her neck, but after a couple weeks she was back to normal. Well, physically she was back to normal. It took her a while for her to be able to walk by Dawn's house without throwing a fit. Cashmere isn't mean to people though, just other dogs. If she even looked at Nick or Alex the wrong way, Dawn would get rid of her. But she's great with the boys, and Dawn's kinda glad that she got so big because now she doesn't worry as much about living alone. Sure big sis lives right down the street, but that's kinda useless if some asshole breaks in and puts a gun to your head. So Cashmere sleeps downstairs at night and she protects the house.

"Hey Sissy," I hear a little voice say, and it snaps me back to reality. I look over to my right, and standing about two feet away from me wearing the girliest fuckin dress and shoes I've ever seen is little Grace. I think it's kinda fucked up that she's treated like a Barbie doll, but she's only three. It's not like she's gonna remember any of it. She has a huge fuckin smile on her face, and it's infectious. What can I say? The kid has good taste. She always gets really happy whenever she comes over to our house and she gets to hang out with her big sis. This kid practically worships the ground I fuckin walk on. Well, unless I'm over at her house. Then she's too concerned with stopping my little ones from playing with her toys and making sure her mommy and daddy aren't cooking something she doesn't like. She's a total fuckin brat sometimes, that's for sure. Brittany kind of ruined her, but enough about that.

"Hey Little Sis, lay some skin on me," I say and hold out my hand. She gives me a low five, and starts giggling. That's kinda always been our thing. It probably always will be, but she's gonna fuckin hate it when she's older. Well, maybe not always, but she'll hate it when her dad calls and asks me to pick her up from school when she's fourteen and I do it to her in front of all of her friends just to embarrass her. Then again who knows? Maybe she'll just laugh and call me a retard. She can't really wrap her mind around the fact that we're sisters because we're so fuckin far apart age wise. She used to call me Aunt Faith, but I got her to break that habit. She still calls B Auntie Buffy and it's the cutest fuckin thing ever. "Where's Dad?" I stand up from my chair and she instantly holds onto my hand. I'm sure if she were a slayer she'd climb up on me like a monkey or something.

"Talking to Auntie Buffy," she says and I have to stop myself from laughing. I think it's cute when she says that, but when I laugh she thinks I'm laughing at her and she gets a little upset. I look over at the house and I can see the kitchen through the window. B and my dad are talking and I can tell that B doesn't really like the conversation that they're having. She has on her fake smile and she's nodding her head way too much. Twenty bucks says he's asking her if little Grace can have a sleep over. I guess he's trying really hard to work things out with Brittany and it's hard to do that and take care of a three-year-old at the same time. But fuck, man, if we have anymore kids at this house we're gonna have to file for some type of government support. That and hire a clown to keep 'em entertained. I turn around when I hear little feet running towards me, and I can't help but smile even wider.

"Mama did you see that?!" Addy practically screams, and my smile fades a little. Not because she talked so loud, she always does that when she's excited about something. Nope, my smile faded 'cause she's standing next to one of her little friends from school and they're holding hands. I can't believe it's already starting. I thought I was going to have more time, dammit. "Me and Jake jumped off the diving board at the same time. Watch Mama!" And she runs off before I have a chance to say anything. Have you ever seen a puppy on crack? That's what Addy is like when she's excited about something and wants to show me. She practically shakes she gets so much energy built up in her body, and she can't hold onto one thought for too long. I watch as the two of them run off, holding hands, and as soon as they get into the pool area they start walking. I told them if they got caught running by the pool even one time they'd have to stay in the house.

I roll my eyes as soon as she stands on the diving board 'cause Mattie is being an ass in front of his friends and swam right where Addy is gonna land. She starts screaming at him to move out of her way, but he just laughs, and splashes at her. I open my mouth to yell at him to move, but he does that on his own. I guess he was getting tired of hearing Addy scream. That kid can scream like no one's business. Mattie always acts like an ass whenever his friends are over. I think that's just a sibling thing. You shoulda heard it when Joey was two. Mattie and his friends taught him a couple of new words, and told him to say them in front of Buffy. We don't spank our kids, but I think that day Buffy seriously reconsidered when her baby boy said, "Mommy, can I have some fucking milk?" Buffy's face turned so red I thought something was gonna pop, and I couldn't breathe, I was laughing so hard.

Anyway, Addy looks back at me, and I can only guess she's doing that to make sure I'm watching. She has a huge smile on her face and seeing her so happy and relaxed is filling me with a sense of pride and happiness. There's almost nothing in the world like seeing your kids like this. About seventy percent of being a parent is doubting yourself, 'cause there's no fuckin rule book and you make big mistakes all the time. But when you get to see them so happy, without a care in the world, it makes you feel like you're doing things right for a change. I can't help the little sad sigh though as she takes a running jump off the diving board with…whatever the fuck his name is. I'm bad with names, so sue me. I can't help but think of all those stupid metaphors that people use for taking the next step, and they usually involve taking some type of leap off of something with someone else. I know she's only eight, but I think it's time I had a little talk with my daughter about boys.

"Little Sis, will you go ask Auntie Buffy to make me a drink?" I say as I put her down. One of the good things about havin a little sister who worships the ground you walk on is she'll do just about anything. Unless it involves sharing candy, then I'm fuckin dead to her. Which is total bullshit 'cause I share my candy with her all the time. Well, if it's something like Skittles, or M&M's, or even Juicy Fruit then I'll share. But nobody gets any of my Whatchmacallits. The kids and Buffy had to learn that the hard way. Anyway, as soon as Grace's feet are on the ground she runs off towards the house. Buffy's gonna be pissed that I'm using my sister as a messenger, but I have a pretty good excuse. I mean, does she really expect me to give up my post as lifeguard just to go inside and make myself a drink? She'll be a little irritated but she'll understand that I was really just trying to get rid of Grace so I could have a little chat with our daughter.

"Addy!" I yell out and she looks over at me with a little look on her face that is totally Buffy. It's one of those 'but I didn't do anything!' type of looks. This kid gets into so much trouble she thinks every time we call out her name she's about to get scolded or something. "Come here for a second." Now she has a look on her face that's a total cross between me and Buffy. It's the 'I'm busy being cool with my friends so fuck off'. Whatever. I'll just blame that one on Buffy. She was the one who was all popular in high school or whatever. At least she was before she was called. The way she talks it up, she was the Cordelia Chase of Hemery High. The thought of Addy becoming that is a fuckin scary thought. I mean, she's only eight and she's already kind of snobby. She doesn't treat anyone mean though, not like Cordelia did. Well, she treats me and Buffy like we don't got a clue about anything, but isn't that how it is with all kids and their parents?

I give Addy a little glare and she knows I'm not fucking around. All of the kids know that look. It's the 'mom look'. I don't know when the fuck it happened, but somewhere in between having Mattie and trying not to fuck him up, me and B got the ability to strike fear into the hearts of our kids with just one look. It's kind of awesome. Anyway, she swims over to the side of the pool and pulls herself out. It takes a minute or two because she's wearing a lifejacket. She can swim a little now, but she's not a very strong swimmer and we wanted her to just relax and have fun today so we bought her a new lifejacket. Now that she's on her way over I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to say to her. I mean, it's not like she's a teenager so she's not gonna understand why I'm kinda concerned about her inviting boys over to the house. And even when she's a teenager it could just be platonic. Buffy and Xander have been friends since they were sixteen and they never hooked up.

"What Mama?" she asks, and she sounds a little irritated. I've talked to her a few times about controlling her tone of voice, but she either doesn't care or she doesn't really notice when she sounds pissy. I don't really give a shit right now though. I'm sure if I were little, I'd have the same fuckin attitude. She was playing with her friends and having a good time and I'm taking her away from that. It makes sense that she'd be kinda bitchy. Anyway, I sit down on the fold out chair that Buffy usually uses to sunbathe on. I sit back and try to look like Joe Cool. It probably isn't working though. I glance over at Mattie's group of friends and I can't help but get a little smirk on my face. I'm wearing a pair of tiny little jean cut offs, and a tank top, and Mattie's friends have been checking me out since they showed up. I kinda feel bad that me and B are so hot 'cause Mattie's gonna be getting a lot of shit about it from his friends.

"How come you were holding onto that boy's hand?" I ask and I try to sound totally casual but I highly doubt its fuckin working. It's really fuckin hard to fool a little kid, and I can tell by the look on Addy's face that she's not convinced. She's really good at spotting bullshit, and it kind of pisses me off. I'm her mother I have the right to lie to her if it's for her own good. But if she's so damn good at spotting the lies, it makes it pretty fuckin hard. She lets out a big dramatic sigh, and I have to bite back a smile. I didn't expect anything less. My little girl has a flare for the dramatic. If she grows up to be one of those weird drama kids, I won't be surprised. Hey, that sounds like an awesome idea. She can grow up to be a famous actress and she can hook me and B up with a fuckin mansion or something for putting up with all of her shit when she was a kid.

"Because, Mama, Jake can't run fast so I have to hold his hand so he can keep up with me." Oh. Well, that sounds…like my daughter is a major control freak, but I think we already knew that. She sighs again, and starts playing with the straps on her lifejacket. That's one thing me and this kid have in common: we can't sit still for very long. "Mom said you were gonna act weird." What the fuck did she just say? I give her a strange look and she gives me another overly dramatic sigh. Ok, it was cute at first, but now it's just fuckin annoying as hell. What the fuck did my wife say to our daughter? I can't believe Buffy is talking shit behind my back to an eight year old. How low can you fuckin get?

"What did Mom say about me?" I ask, and Addy looks down at her straps. It's pretty fuckin rare, but every once in a while Addy won't want to tell us something. I guess my tone was kinda harsh and she thinks I'm gonna be mad at her or something. Fuck, I guess she's not the only one who needs to learn to watch her tone. "Addy, come on. You're not gonna get in trouble. Just tell me what she said." I made sure my voice was soft, and I'm lying back in the chair now. Maybe if I laid back and relaxed she'll get relaxed again. I can just tell by lookin at her that her muscles are kinda tense. I guess she really doesn't want to say anything. But whatever. I wanna know what Buffy said, and if I ask B she'll just say I'm being paranoid.

"She said you were gonna act weird 'cause my friends are boys," she says, but she's still not lookin at me. I guess there's more. If she didn't have any more to say then she would have looked up at me all annoyed and asked if she could go play now. I might not understand her all the time, but I know my daughter pretty well, and this shit happens more then you'd think. I reach over and give her a little nudge on the arm, and she lets out another little sigh. I swear if she were anymore of a drama queen we'd have to rename her Cordelia. "She said you don't want me kissing boys. But I don't kiss boys, Mama. That's gross." She sounds pretty agitated so I know she's not lying. Ok, so maybe she's still a little too young to be attracted to boys.

"She's right, I don't want you kissing boys," I tell her and she gets a very irritated look on her face. "Don't give me that look. One day, you're gonna want to kiss a boy and I'm not gonna like it." The irritation on her face goes away and it's replaced with something else. The only word I can think of is a look of understanding, but that doesn't really make sense. Unless this kid is smarter then I think she is. I know she's really fuckin smart. She's the top in her class in math and reading. I guess…insightful is a better word to use. Anyway, she slowly reaches over and gently pats me on the leg, and she gets a little smile on her face. Ok, this is just fucking creepy. I can tell she's trying to comfort me and that's not cool. I'm the mother. I'm the one who's supposed to comfort her, not the other way around.

"Don't worry Mama. Mom made me promise not to grow up too fast," she says and before I get a chance to say anything she runs off. I guess I'm not the only one freaking about Addy inviting those boys have. Buffy tries to act like the kids getting older isn't a big deal, but deep down I know she's panicking. I watch Addy run off and I let out this deep sigh. I need to stop worrying about what's gonna happen when she's a teenager. She's only eight, and if I keep thinking ahead I'm gonna miss what's going on now. I don't want to miss her growing up. I don't want to wake up one day and realize I have no idea who she is. And if I keep freaking about keeping her away from boys then she's going to go all rebel on me and date a guy who treats her like shit just because she knows it'll bother me. Addy is too much like me for her own good, and that's exactly what I would do to get back at my mom. Fuck, it's gonna suck when she hits puberty.

SPOV

You know that saying "be careful what you wish for"? It seems my life has been built around that, and it's no longer a saying but a rule. Maybe I'm being melodramatic. I'm kind of hoping that's it. I really hope that this is being exaggerated in my mind. I can't help but laugh at that. You know things are bad when you're hoping that you're going a little crazy. If I'm not crazy, then it really means that I was nothing more than an incubator, and now that Willow has what she really wants I'm going to be ignored until Willow wants another kid, and then she'll cast that spell again on my uterus. Is that all I am to her, a walking uterus? God, listen to me. I probably sound like a crazy person. Sane people don't think their spouse used them for their own wish fulfillment, right? In my first marriage that never happened.

Although, I was only married for a short time before the accident so maybe I'm wrong. I really hope I'm wrong about all of this. Maybe it's just all of the hormones and sleep deprivation. I probably sound like a horrible mother right now. I'm not a horrible mother. I'm doing the best I can and because my baby is healthy and happy, I'd say I'm doing a great job. She's only three months old, so keeping her entertained doesn't require a lot. She still sleeps a lot, but she stays awake for longer periods of time. I talk to her and she smiles when she hears my voice, and she has this little ticklish spot right under her left armpit. She doesn't really laugh, but she'll kick her legs, and gurgle, and make the cutest little squeal. When I lay her on the changing table, she follows my every move. She can lift her head up a little now and she watches me pick up the fresh diaper and then toss the dirty one away.

I love Ashlyn more than I thought I could ever love anyone. I would die for her, give up everything I have just to make her happy, and I'd sacrifice my soul if it meant keeping her safe. So I'm not blaming my daughter for what's happening between me and Willow and I don't regret having her. Even knowing what I do now, I'd have her all over again. Losing all that blood and almost dying was worth every second I get to spend with her. I think it made me more appreciative. I don't have to get up at three in the morning every day to change her dirty diaper and feed her and rock her back to sleep only to do it all over again about three hours later. No, I get to do all of that stuff. Having her and taking care of her isn't what I'm worried about, it's not what I bitch about to myself, and it's not what I'm frustrated about.

I'm frustrated and worried about Willow. I understand the fact that everything has changed. I used to live and breathe for only her and having Ashlyn changed all of that, but it's not like a relationship goes out the window when two people have a baby. Look at Buffy and Faith. Those two have been together forever and they're still happy and in love. Willow and I used to be sickenly sweet; always calling each other pet names and cuddling up to each other and talking in baby voices. Now it's like I don't exist. She gives Ashlyn a kiss before she goes to work, and as soon as she gets home she gives me a little kiss on the cheek and fawns over Ashlyn, and when Ashlyn is asleep Willow is reading a parenting book or looking parenting stuff up online.

Things weren't supposed to be like this. We were supposed to be a team, we were supposed to split the housework and baby duties but it's like we live in the same house but we're living different lives. I'm living a life of horrible loneliness and stress, and she's living this perfect life where everything is perfectly fine and she wouldn't dare change a thing. I know I'm probably going to sound like a Vermillion Lies song, but I would rather go to sleep at night all by myself then lying next to Willow because being around her is about a thousand times lonelier then being by myself. To be completely honest, the only time I'm ever happy, or at least less depressed, is when my little baby girl is wrapped up in my arms and she looks me in the eyes as she's dozing off. Everything is calm and I can get lost in that moment and don't worry about anything.

I don't know what hurts more, the fact that all of this is really happening and it's not some horrible bad dream that's stuck on repeat or the fact that I was warned. I'm not talking about all the toxic crap my parents have been telling me since I told them Willow and I are together. I'm talking about my friends back at the slayer school who told me that Willow's heart will always belong to Tara and if I get involved with her I'm just setting myself up for a massive amount of heartache. They were completely wrong about that. I know that Tara is important to Willow and she always will be, just like Paul will always be important to me, but I know I'm not a substitute for someone else. I never worried about that, or doubted her intentions. I wish it were that simple. At least I could understand that a little more than this.

The sound of the door opening startles me, and my whole body jerks. I quickly wipe away the tears that started their journey down my face. I'm not trying to hide that I'm upset. I'm done trying to hide how I feel from her. The last three months that's all I've been doing so I can't really blame all of this on her. She's ignored me when I've tried to get her to notice me, but I didn't press the issue. I just went back to doing whatever it was I had been doing before. I was too afraid of starting a fight about it. I know that sounds kind of strange because I'm a slayer, fighting is what we do best. But not this kind of fighting, and I've been so exhausted from taking care of Ashlyn that I just didn't have the energy to try and fix this. But tonight, that's going to change. I can't just stand idly by and watch my marriage slowly circle the drain.

"Hi sweetie," Willow says as she walks into the kitchen. I've been sitting at the table for the last forty-five minutes zoning out and waiting for her to come home. "I'm sorry I'm late but there was an accident and they had to block off the roads." I glance over at the clock and I'm shocked to see that it's already six o'clock. I guess I've been sitting here longer then forty-five minutes. Normally Willow is home around four-thirty every day. "I didn't see an ambulance when I passed, but the cars were so mangled there's no way the drivers weren't hurt. I hope they're going to be ok." I watch as she sets her bag down on the table and moves around the kitchen. She gets a glass from the cupboard and walks over to the fridge. All I can do is watch as she pours herself some water and she slowly drinks it.

I'm stuck like this because I'm starting to feel something else, something I totally wasn't expecting. I'm angry. I'm so fucking angry I can feel it burning through my veins and staining my cheeks with red. I've been drowning these last three months and where has she been? Right in front of me and so far away. The routine is the same every day for the last three months. She comes home, says hi, puts her bag down, and then gives me a kiss. That's how it is EVERY DAY. But I guess now I might as well be a piece of furniture or a painting hung up on the wall because today she didn't even kiss me. What is wrong with us? What the fuck happened to us? I cross my arms over my chest and focus my gaze on her. I guess she can feel the fury because she just shuddered.

"Aren't you going to ask me?" I say and her only response is the confused look she has on her face now. She shuts the fridge door and puts her glass down on the counter. She doesn't say a word and it makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs and throw the table through the wall. I'm a slayer so I could totally pull it off. I keep those feelings under control though. I'm not crazy, just really pissed off. I just stare into her eyes, and it's almost like we're having a battle of wills. I do the same thing with demons and vampires right before we start fighting. It's like we play chicken to see who can go the longest without making a move. "It's pretty obvious I've been crying, aren't you going to ask me why?" The expression on her face changes from confusion to something that I can only describe as understanding, kind of like she just figured out the answer to a puzzle or something.

"I thought you would talk about it if you wanted to," she says and gets a soft smile on her face. It's one of her reassuring smiles that lets me know that everything is ok and I can let my guard down around her. I think on any other night it would work, but tonight it just isn't enough. The problem is just too big to be fixed with a smile. "It's normal to feel a little gloomy for no reason, you know, because of the hormones." I do that counting to ten anger management technique……it doesn't work. So I count to thirty, and by the time I get to sixty-seven I feel calm enough to say something without completely losing it. Willow is a genius at pretty much everything, but sometimes she can be a little dumb. Ok, maybe really dumb. 'It's just hormones', is she fucking serious?

"Not everything is because of hormones, Willow. I still have emotions." That came out a little harsher then I intended. I think she's finally getting the message though because she just got the 'oh shit, what did I just do?' look on her face. She got the same look on her face when she was trying to put the crib together and completely screwed it up. It was cute then, now it's just kind of annoying. Ok, I guess I should just cut the crap and be completely honest. There's no point in lying anymore. That look is more than kind of annoying. It's so irritating I want to look away but I can't. I have this fear that if I look away from her right now then the issue will be dropped and I don't know if I'll be able to summon up the strength and willpower and energy to talk about this again.

"Of course you do," she says and her voice is a higher pitch than normal. You've known her since she was a teenager. You should know by now how her voice sounds when she's nervous, and how her eyebrows kind of knit together, and her eyes get a little wider. If I weren't so pissed off at her right now I'd think she was cute. I guess she realizes just how deep of a hole she's digging herself into. I guess she finally sees how upset I am and that it isn't because of hormones or sleep deprivation. This is me, pure and simple. "But if you feel like you need to sit alone and cry some stuff out, I'm not going to judge you." And she just keeps digging that hole even deeper. I think my anger has reached the point that there is no right thing for her to say. No, I think we passed those words about four days ago.

"Willow, will you open your eyes for five minutes?" I yell and slam my hand down on the top of the table. It didn't hurt because I'm a slayer and really pissed off right now, but I think I dented the table. I can't help but yell. I'm so frustrated I feel like a spring that's coiled back and ready to be released. All of this pressure is building up and if it doesn't get an outlet soon I might explode. The way she's looking at me right now isn't helping. She looks like she realized she just walked into a lion's den and she doesn't have a chair. "I don't need to sit and cry stuff out." My voice is louder than it was before, and she glances up at the ceiling, and she has a worried look on her face. This is a different look, and I know it very well.

"Sky, keep your voice down," she says in a hushed tone. I can actually hear my blood rushing through my ears. If I weren't so pissed off I'd be worried about blowing a vein or something, but right now all I can think about is how fucked up things have been over the last couple of months. I think about all of the times I've tried to get physical affection from her, but she shrugged me off because she was too busy reading some stupid book. Or all of the times I tried to have a conversation with her that didn't involve topics like "avoiding diaper rash" and "ways to help Ashlyn establish a good sleeping pattern", and no matter what I said the conversation would always be changed to something baby related. "You'll wake Ashlyn." I think it's a miracle in and of itself that I haven't thrown this table across the room, but there are no guarantees that won't happen by the end of this.

"No, I won't." My voice isn't as loud, but I wouldn't describe it as quiet. I don't want to her yell at her, and despite what you may be thinking right now I don't want to fight with her either. I want to talk to her about this, to get her to understand that I'm drowning and I need her. But I'm so frustrated right now that staying calm and rational isn't really an option anymore. And she's not making it any easier. "Buffy and Faith are watching her for us tonight." I'm a little surprised at how soft my tone is now, but I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Between taking care of Ashlyn, repressing all of my feelings, and all of this anger that I have, I'm totally exhausted. The look that she gets on her face wakes me up, though.

"Tonight, like all night?" she asks, and she sounds like she's trying not to panic. The only time I ever heard her use that tone is when I was still on active duty and would have to fight a really tough demon. She hated it, and I understand completely. The fact that Willow is just as panicked about our daughter being babysat by her best friend all night as she is when there's a possibility of me dying in the field is doing nothing but feeding the anger surging through my body. "No, that's not…." She sounded really irritated when she started that sentence, and I guess she knew it was a good idea to stop while she was ahead. "They don't know how she likes to be rocked to sleep. She'll keep them up all night." I have to bite the insides of my cheeks to stop myself from saying something really mean and uncalled for.

One of the very first things we learned about our baby is she likes to be rocked in a very particular way. She has to be held in a certain way, and she likes to be rocked for a couple of minutes at a time with about a minute or two of stillness between the rocking. If she isn't rocked like this then she fights sleep like it's a hellhound trying to chew her up. I do feel guilty for leaving my baby with somebody else. I don't want her to feel like I'm abandoning her, but Buffy told me many times all throughout the pregnancy and after Ashlyn was born that if I ever needed anything to just ask. Well I need this night to be just me and Willow in the house. I need it so we can talk without being interrupted, and if Ashlyn were here that would be totally impossible.

"I showed Buffy how to do it," I tell her but she doesn't look convinced. Again, I find myself fighting the urge to throw the table across the room and through the wall. I wasn't supposed to be like this. Our daughter's first night out of the house was supposed to be spent relaxing, and wondering how she's doing. Then we'd take a short nap and just enjoy the quiet, and when we woke up we'd make love and we wouldn't have to worry about waking the baby if we got too loud. It wasn't supposed to be spent trying to control tempers, and trying to work out issues. Why can't things ever just be easy? It's like if you're born a slayer you're going to have a fucked up life no matter what. "Besides Willow, they have three kids. I'm sure they'll manage." Buffy actually thought it was kind of funny that I was showing her how to rock Ashlyn. She got a little patronizing about it, but I guess I got an irritated look on my face because the patronizing didn't last very long.

"Maybe," she says and I can tell she's trying to stop herself from panicking. It isn't working out that well. Normally when she panics I try to calm her down by reasoning with her rational side, and reminding her that everything is going to be ok, but right now I'm way too irritated to even think about doing that. "But I don't think they clean out the filters in their air purifiers. She could catch something." She's looking for an excuse, any excuse, to go get Ashlyn and bring her back. I take Ashlyn for walks around the neighborhood all the time, we've been to Buffy's house a couple of times, and she's never gotten sick. It's going to happen eventually, and the sooner it happens the better because then she'll build up immunities, but Willow is just so worried about her getting sick and us not being able to take care of her.

"Willow, do you even hear yourself right now?" I really want this conversation to be at least somewhat civil but I can't help the anger that's in my voice. She has a really confused look on her face, and she starts to stutter out a reply but I know it isn't going to do any good. She has no idea what I'm talking about, and that's the whole point of this conversation. I wanted Ashlyn out of the house so I could finally open up, and tell Willow everything that I've been feeling for the last three months. She isn't going to just suddenly understand because I'm mad at her. I wish that was the case. It would make things a hell of a lot easier to deal with. "I'm drowning right here in front of you, and you can't even see it. You can't see it, Willow, because all you do is lock yourself in your study and look up parenting advice we're not going to need for another ten years." I can tell that made her mad. She treats that computer like an extension of herself or something.

"What are you talking about? That isn't all I do in there. I have papers that I need to grade, it's important." Right, I forgot to mention that. I guess the English teacher's assistant at the school dropped out and until she finds a replacement Willow is grading her papers. She likes to be thorough to make sure everyone is getting the grade they deserve so she'll read each paper four or five times. I'm trying really hard to be understanding about all of this, and if all she was doing in her office was grading papers then I don't think I would be this upset. But after she grades the papers and magically "faxes" them back to Mrs. Dupree and then surfs the internet for parenting advice. I don't get it. I honestly don't understand why she needs to look all of that stuff up. I know she wants to feel prepared but this is taking it a little too far.

"I get helping that teacher out, Willow, I know that that's important but what about all the other stuff? You bought every parenting book in English, fifteen in French, and five in a language that nobody uses anymore. Do you really need to search for parenting tips all damn night?" She has a really shocked look on her face, and I can tell just by the expression in her eyes that she's thinking about it. She isn't just writing me off, and she isn't making excuses; she's actually taking my words into consideration. I didn't think it would be this easy. I thought it would take longer for her to see my point. I guess she totally proved me wrong. "Why do you think I've been so down all the time?" Her expression changes just a little. She looks like she's getting defensive, but it's like she's trying to hold herself back.

"You've just been more hormonal lately. Your body is still trying to adjust to everything," she says and she sounds dead serious. So it isn't just an excuse that she's feeding me. She isn't just saying the first thing that pops into her head to try and get out of this fight. She really does think that my hormones are the cause of all these problems. I let out a huge sigh and all of that anger and frustration I was feeling gets exhaled along with it. I feel tired, so fucking tired. I feel like I could lie down in my bed and sleep for a month without waking up once. I look up at her and the exhaustion must be showing because she looks really concerned now.

"No, Willow, this isn't a hormonal imbalance. This is me, just me, and I'm saying that I need you. I know you're afraid of doing something wrong with Ashlyn, but I am too. I'm here with her everyday all alone and I never know for sure if I'm taking care of her the right way. I need you to be here for me, I need you to tell me that everything is going to be ok. I just need you Willow. But you're never here." I try as hard as I can to stop myself from crying but it doesn't even come close to working. I'm just so exhausted that I can't control anything. I hate this feeling. I'm a slayer, we're naturally controlling, and we're taught to be in control of our emotions so they can't be used against us. No amount of training is going to help me right now though.

"Sky, I'm here." She has this look on her face and this tone to her voice that I'm having a hard time dealing with. It's almost like I'm the one who's been so far away and she's been trying to get my attention all this time. "It's not like I'm going out and leaving you all alone. I'm here every day right after work. I take care of Ashlyn when I get home to give you a break. I thought you knew that." She sounds almost desperate for me to understand, and it's heartbreaking to hear. I hate that this is where we've ended up. I hate that we can't just have a conversation like we used to have all the time. I really hate that it feels like we've grown so far apart. But what I'm starting to hate the most is this guilty feeling I have growing in the pit of my stomach. Maybe everything that's been happening has just been exaggerated in my mind, and I jumped all over her tonight for no reason.

"You're here in this house, but you're not here with me." Maybe it's been exaggerated in my mind, but I've still felt all alone for the last three months, and she needs to know that. I need to tell her what I've been going through because I feel like if I bottle it up for another second I'm going to explode. "You don't go out but you might as well because as soon as Ashlyn is asleep you're in your office until it's time for dinner, and all you ever talk about are the things you find online. I know that having a baby changes things, and we've almost completely lost our social lives, and our privacy, and we haven't had sex in God knows how long, but I never thought I would lose you." As soon as those last eight words leave my mouth she gets this look on her face, this expression of complete shock, like I just slapped her across the face or something.

"How can you think that? Do you think I've been doing all of this research for fun, or that I don't know how much time it takes away from being with you?" Her voice is higher pitched now and she's trying really hard not to cry, but there are tears welling up in her eyes. I cross my arms over my chest, and just listen. I'm so floored by all of this that I probably couldn't speak right now if I tried. "I'm doing this because I know you're terrified. I see the way you look at Ashlyn sometimes. You look so afraid, like you wanna run away. I know you love her too much to do that, but I've been trying to make it better. I've been learning all this stuff and trying to tell you so you don't have to feel so afraid, but you just brush me off and walk away. I thought it was because of your hormones but you're saying it's not, so you've been ignoring me on purpose?" All this time I thought I was the only one who felt all alone. I guess I was completely wrong.

"No, I haven't been ignoring you on purpose," I tell her because I can't think of anything else to say. This conversation didn't go anything like I expected, and I just can't wrap my mind around it. What am I supposed to say to all of this? It's not like a simple apology is going to fix everything. I guess I should just be honest. I owe her that much, and a lot more from the sound of it. I'm just not sure where to start. "I just…I dunno, I thought you were using all of that as an excuse to be away from me. I am afraid, Willow. Terrified, like you said, but facts about a baby's digestive system and how to prevent diaper rash aren't going to help. I just need you, Willow. I know it sounds cliché, but sometimes when you get home from work I just need you to hold me and tell me you love me." I can practically feel the tension in the room melt away until it's nothing more than a bad aftertaste.

"If that's what you need, you have to remind me sometimes. You know how one tracked my mind can get. I can't read minds," she says in a very light almost playful tone. She gets a small smirk on her face and I feel a little butterfly in my stomach. I haven't seen that expression in a long time, and trust me when I tell you I've missed it. "Well, technically I can, but I try not to invade people's privacy. They usually get grumpy when I do." I smile a little and nod my head. It feels so good to hear that tone of voice she's using. It feels like everything is finally getting back to normal. I watch as she walks across the kitchen, and I look in her eyes as she takes me by my hands and slowly pulls me up into a hug. She wraps her arms around me and holds me close, and I can't help but let out the little sigh that was dying to be released.

The house is so quiet. I could probably hear a pin drop upstairs. The quiet is a little strange because nowadays the house is never quiet. There's always some type of sound rolling through my ears either Ashlyn's cries or coos, or the dishwasher, or the wash machine or dryer, or the vacuum, or the timer on the oven, or the sound of Willow typing so quickly her fingers are nothing but skin colored blurs. But now the house is silent, and completely still, and if Willow weren't here holding me and giving my neck and cheek the occasional kiss I would probably be really creeped out. A small smile tugs at my lips when the kisses move to that little spot just below my ear, and starts running her hand down my back, stops right before she reaches my butt, and then back up to my shoulder blades.

"So," she says and gives my earlobe a little tug. "Buffy and Faith are watching Ashlyn all night?" I nod my head a couple of times and try not to giggle at the sensation of her whispering into my ear. "So that means we have the house all to ourselves." She's making her voice sound as sexy as possible, and it's another thing about her that I've missed oh so much. "So do you wanna…?" She pulls back just enough to look into my eyes, and she wiggles her eyebrows a little. How can someone look so sexy and so cute at the same time? I think I need to start some type of charity to raise money to research this phenomenon.

"Do I wanna curl up in bed with you, sleep for a couple of hours, eat an irresponsible amount of junk food, and take a long, hot bubble bath? Yeah, that sounds amazing," I tell her, sounding just as sexy, or trying to at least. I don't think I sounded as sexy as her because my mind is so freaking exhausted. A short pause passes between us and for a second I think she's going to be disappointed, but then she smiles and softly kisses me. It only lasts a few seconds, but it feels like so much more because she's actually here with me in the moment, and it isn't just a habitual kiss that she's barely aware of. When it ends she has a soft smile on her face and I can't help but smile back.

"It's like you read my mind," she says and almost as soon as the words are out of her mouth she cringes, and clamps her eyes shut tight. I can't help but laugh. She can be such a dork sometimes, but it's the good kind of dorkiness that makes you laugh and wonder if your life would be as fun if they weren't such a dork and you decide: no, it really wouldn't. "Can we pretend I didn't just say something that cheesy? Because I really don't think I can live with myself knowing I said something so corny that if anyone else heard it they would be able to mock me for the rest of my life." I laugh a little, and gently run my thumb along the little wrinkle that formed between her eyes until she relaxes and it goes away.

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me," I say and give her a little chaste kiss on her lips. I don't want to deepen it and lead her on because nothing sexual is going to be happening tonight. Well, at least not right now. Maybe after I get some rest, but we'll have to wait and see. I know earlier I said that only God knows how long it's been since we've had sex, but I know. I know that it's been way too long, but right now my number one wet dream is getting at least three hours of uninterrupted sleep, and now that things between us are finally ok, and Ashlyn is sleeping over at Buffy and Faith's I plan on living out that fantasy and making it last for as long as possible because only God knows when we're going to get the next chance to just be Sky and Willow instead of Mommy and Momma.

LPOV

I never really thought of myself as the kind of person who liked a really quiet home. I mean, I get complaints from the neighbors all the fuckin time 'cause I like my music loud. That's what blows about living in an apartment: you're surrounded by neighbors. After I moved in with Xander, though, things changed. I'm not by myself as much so there's no need to fill the silence with loud music. I hate to say it but I think he tamed me. It's not like I was a raging party girl. Ok, so I kind of was. A few months ago, I thought Buffy was gonna murder me 'cause I convinced Faith to stay out all night at this bitchin club. I swear, there is no place on Earth on like Vegas and I can't wait to go back for a visit.

Anyway, I still like to party every once in a while, but not as much as I used to. Like I said, I think Xander tamed me, 'cause most nights I like just curling up with him on the couch after dinner. I never would have thought I'd end up like that kind of person. That's what I always teased Faith about, but I guess I was just jealous or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I still like to party. After a couple hours of slaying, I'll go to a local club to blow off some steam, and then go home and burn off the rest of my energy with Xander. We used to meet at the club after patrol, and even though Xander can't really dance to save his fuckin life, it was always fun just letting loose with him. He always got a really big ego boost 'cause all the other guys would get jealous that I was dancing with him and not them. But we can't really do that anymore.

About three months ago, Xander got full custody of his daughter, Miranda. After his divorce he only had joint custody and got her every other weekend, but then his ex's boyfriend lost his temper and spanked Miranda with a belt. It left some nasty welts and bruises on the back of her thighs and her butt. And don't be looking at me like that, I'm not a pedophile. I only found out because it was Xander's weekend with Miranda, and she was taking a bath but there weren't any clean towels in the cupboard. When Xander went into the bathroom to hand her one he saw the bruises and started freaking out. I ran in there to see what was going on and saw them. It took me a few minutes to calm Xander down, but after I did he helped Miranda dry off and put her to bed, and then he called the cops and his lawyer.

I'm not stupid or anything, I knew things were going to change when Miranda started living with us full time. I just didn't think I was gonna miss the quiet as much as I do. What's going on right now is the perfect example. Normally, a couple of the local junior slayers would be over here doing tai chi with me, but it's the last day of school so the kids got out early and I cancelled the lesson. The original plan was for Xander to come home early too, but last night he changed his mind. He said that me and Miranda need to spend some time alone to bond and all that crap, and this would be the perfect opportunity. I thought he was kidding so I kinda laughed, but when I realized he was serious, I told him that he's crazy. He said that everything would be fine, and there's nothing to be afraid of. He didn't get any last night, and he probably won't get any tonight.

About five minutes before the bus dropped her off down the street, I almost had a panic attack. I don't baby-sit. I've never watched her by myself before, and all these different scenarios started playing through my mind. What if she got hurt? What if she choked on her after school snack? What if a demon attacks and I have to slay in front of her? Xander hasn't explained the fact that demons and vampires are real. He wants to wait until she's older because he's afraid she might tell someone else and make him look crazy and have Miranda taken away, which is understandable, but it puts us in a really fucked up spot now that she's living with us. Sure, I come home with demon blood on me and she's still awake I can just lie and say I stopped and got something to eat and got some weird sauce on me. But what if a demon breaks into the house? How the fuck are we supposed to explain that?

It wouldn't be so bad if this place were still deserted. I guess it was Buffy and Faith's reputations that kept the monsters away, because as soon as word got out that they moved out of the state the vampire population went up. Demons don't hang around here for very long. This is just a place they stop to rest when they're passing through this part of California. There are some farms just outside of Redding, so there are plenty of cows and sheep for the demons that need to make sacrifices to whatever god or gods they worship. The missing livestock always gets blamed on the stray dogs or cougars that sometimes come down from the mountain. The town is starting to improve some, but the people who usually go missing are the drug addicts who were out after dark looking for a fix, so the cops don't really put too much effort in trying to find them, which is totally fucked up. Just 'cause you're an addict, it doesn't mean you don't deserve a search team trying to find you.

Fuck, I got way off track. Back to what I was saying: I never thought I'd be one of those people who liked a quiet house. But now that Miranda is running around making all kinds of noise and completely ignoring the TV that is up loud enough to wake the dead, I really want my quiet apartment back. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that maybe she's just a little ADD or something, but I know better. Miranda fuckin hates me, and this is her way of showing it. I know that sounds totally retarded, but trust me it's true. I don't know why she doesn't like me. It's not like I have a lot of experience with little kids. The only time I was ever around one for longer than an elevator ride was when Faith would bring Addy or Joey with her when training and her kids are pretty awesome, and I'm not just saying that.

Addy is only like eight or whatever and she's already doing 'your face' jokes. I'm not joking, it's true. She and Joey were playing with some toys while me and Faith trained the girls, and Joey called something dumb, and Addy shot back with "your face is dumb". I laughed so freakin hard I could barely breathe. Those kids can get along with pretty much anyone, so I have no fuckin idea why Miranda is acting like this. I know she's kinda spoiled, and it's mostly Xander's fault. He's been babying her because he feels bad about the divorce and because of what happened to her. I totally get the whole wanting to baby her thing because I did too, but it's turning her into a little monster. She doesn't listen because she knows her dad isn't going to make her. It's kind of insane what this kid gets away with.

But she isn't all that bad. She only acts up sometimes when she really wants something, and Xander is starting to put his foot down more. I guess he's starting to see that him saying 'no' but then just giving in when she throws a tantrum really wasn't working. Like I said, she doesn't act like that very often, only when she really wants something, so I gotta give her a little bit of respect for it. The girl wants something and she isn't willing to take no for an answer. If she keeps that kind of determination when she gets older she could be the head of some huge corporation or something. Anyway, she isn't normally a brat, which is why I'm so fuckin confused right now. I told you that she hates me, but she normally shows it by insulting my shoes, or calling me dumb, or taking Xander away from me when we curl up on the couch after dinner.

I know that sounds stupid and petty but this kid does steal him away. We'll be on the couch, and he'll be holding me, and we'll be talking about whatever, and then Miranda will sit on his lap and very slowly force herself in between us. I get the fact that he's her dad, but I need my time with him too, ya know? And it's not like she doesn't know what she's doing because after she pushes me away she'll give him this little glare. So, now there's this fucked up tension in the apartment whenever he's around 'cause Miranda acts like one of those little yappy dogs trying to mark their territory by peeing on it. The only problem with that is we want the same territory. Xander picked up on the tension really quick and I guess that's why he wants us to spend more time together. He thinks if me and Miranda bond, then she'll stop acting so bratty towards me.

I can totally tell that's not going to happen. How can I tell? Because I've already tried playing with her but she doesn't want me to. She had a tea party in the bathroom with all of her dolls and even though I think that's pretty stupid, I tried to join in 'cause if we're going to bond it's not going to be over how awesome my fighting skills are, or how badass my knife collection is. But she told me to leave because it was a private tea party and I wasn't invited. I told her that was rude, but she said it wasn't her fault. Apparently her dolls don't like me and if I stuck around they would leave and it would ruin everything and it would be all my fault. So I left and watched some television, and then she came out of the bathroom and said she wanted to watch cartoons. So I turned it to cartoons and now she's running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I need to do something about it because she's being really loud and the neighbors are going to start complaining soon.

"Miranda," I say as I turn the TV down. I'm trying not to sound harsh or whatever because I really don't wanna be that person. Ya know, the one who can't tell a kid what to do without yelling and sounding all pissed off. She stops running around the couch and looks at me like I just told her I was going to set her favorite doll on fire. And yes, I know what that face looks like. A couple of weeks ago, she wouldn't eat the dinner I brought home with me. I told her if she didn't eat at least half of what I put on her plate, I would light her favorite doll on fire. Not one of my best moments, but I was desperate. "You gotta stop running like that. The people downstairs can hear you." She gets a look on her face that I know all too well, and I try not to sigh. She's going to argue, oh the joy.

"Lily, I can't stop running. If I stop running the evil overlord is going to catch us and skin us," she says and she sounds dead fuckin serious. Ok, I don't know about you, but I really think this kid needs to stop watching television. Or maybe she needs new friends. I swear, I've never heard any little kid say anything like that before. Sure Addy says awesome 'your face' jokes, but I don't remember her saying anything about evil overlords. Then again those kids already know about demons and vampires and stuff so most of their games revolved around fighting demons and saving the world from an apocalypse. On second thought, Faith and Buffy's kids aren't exactly normal, but over the years I've learned normal is a relative term.

"Where did you hear about evil overlords?" I ask and she gets this other look on her face that I've never seen before. She sighs and rolls her eyes. Then she puts her hands on her hips, and kinda cocks her head to one side. I hate that look. That's the look my mother used to give me when I did something bad and lied about it and my mom knew I was lying. She'd give me that look and wouldn't say a word and in a minute I'd crack and tell her the truth. But I haven't lied to Miranda. Apparently, I just asked a stupid question.

"Everyone knows about evil overlords, Lily," she says and holds out her doll for me to see. It's her favorite doll. She's had it for three years now. Xander gave it to her for her birthday. According to Miranda the doll thinks I have dumb hair and stupid shoes and a weird accent. I really don't like that doll. "The evil overlord is going to get Haley if we don't keep running." I don't think I've ever heard someone speak with that serious of a tone before. Is this just some weird game or is there some type of ghost or something haunting her that she thinks is an evil overlord?

"Why is she running from the evil overlord?" I ask and she sighs again. I can tell that was an irritated sigh so she isn't going to tell me what's going on in her game, or at least not all of it. I get the fact that I'm probably never going to be part of her make believe world, but why do I feel a little jealous because of it? I'll just blame it on the fact that I was always an outcast and the other kids at school never let me play with them.

"Because Haley stole his car keys," she says and gets this evil little smirk on her face. Oh fuck no. Please tell me she did not take my keys. Before I can say a word she takes off running. See, I told you this kid hates me. I'd really like to know why the fuck she doesn't like me. Am I that unlikeable? I thought I was a likeable person. Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with me. Maybe she's just an evil little kid and I'm the one who she's taking her evilness out on. I let her get a little ahead of me and then I take off after her. She stole my car keys but if I catch her right away she might start whining that I'm not being fair because I have long legs so I can run faster than her.

"Miranda, give me my keys back!" I yell and she starts giggling. Her evil little girl giggle sends a chill down my spine. I hate that fuckin sound so much. I don't have anything against her personally, but they use that sound in horror movies a little too much, so when I hear that sound in real life it freaks me out a little. Anyway, she runs into her bedroom and slams the door behind her. I wait five seconds and then charge in after her. I have to admit that this is a little fun. I think it has to do with the whole predator and prey thing. I'm a slayer so it's natural for me to be running after something. Although the something I run after usually isn't under four feet tall, unless it's a really little demon.

"Miraaannnnnda," I sing-song out as I open the door, and slowly walk into the room. I hear more giggling coming from under the huge pile of stuffed animals in the corner of the room. Damn, she's quick. I didn't think she'd be able to get under there so fast. She likes hiding in her stuffed animals, and I don't blame her 'cause it looks fun. I act like I'm sneaking around but I'm stomping my feet a little on purpose because it's making her giggle, and it isn't one of those evil little giggles that she does just to creep me out. This is the kind of giggling that happens when you try not to laugh and the sound of her making that noise is making me smile. I walk up to the big pile of stuffed animals and she's trying so hard not to laugh that all of the toys are shaking right along with her. "I'm gonna count to ten and if I don't see my keys by the time I get to ten, I'm going to tickle you." I don't think that intimidated her because she just giggled again.

"One," I say and tap my foot at the same time. She laughs a little louder and I can see her looking at me through two of the stuffed bears. She has a big smile on her face and suddenly I understand exactly why Xander spoils her so much. "Two." The animals start shaking more, and she puts her hand over her mouth to try and keep quiet but it's not working too well. "Three." I take a step closer and she jumps up, stuffed bears and pigs go flying through the air and she takes off across the room. I'm right behind her this time, and she's laughing so hard I'm surprised she can breathe. "Four, five, six, seven, eightnineten!" I reach out and grab her and toss her up into the air. She screams an ear piercing scream, but goes quiet when she lands in my arms. I start tickling her and she's wiggling around trying to get away, but she isn't laughing. She looks really irritated.

"Stop!" she yells and kicks her feet. "Stop tickling me, Lily! Stop it, stop it, stop it!" She's screaming at the stop of her lungs and her face is getting really fuckin red. I stop tickling her and just hold onto her until she calms down. She stops kicking and wiggling around but she's not exactly calm. Her face is still really red and she's breathing like she just ran twenty miles. "Put me down." She starts wiggling around again so I carefully put her down on the floor. I have no idea what to say. Faith's kids liked it when I threw them around like that and tickled them mercilessly. I guess not all kids are the same when it comes to stuff like that. I watch as she stomps across the room and digs around in the drawer of the little table next to the couch. After about a minute she pulls out my keys and throws them at me.

"Here's your stupid keys," she says and she sounds so mad the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up. She stomps off to her room and slams the door. Ok, what the fuck just happened. One second, she's driving me completely crazy, and then we were actually having some fun, and then she just freaks out. I turn off the TV and straighten up the living room a little bit. I don't really care that it's a mess, but I don't really know what else to do. When she gets upset, Xander is the one who talks to her, but he's not here right now. I know I should go in there and try to find out what's wrong, but I'm afraid. Demons and vampires I'll take on any day, but when it comes to having a serious talk with a little girl I'm scared shitless.

Ok, I need to grow a spine and go in there because I think there's something seriously wrong, and if there is something really wrong and I just sit here doing nothing then I'm going to feel like an even bigger douche when Xander comes home and she's still upset. I don't want him to think that I can't watch Miranda. He's trusting me with his daughter, and I really don't want to let him down. So I walk over to her bedroom door and knock a little. She doesn't say anything which is a surprise. Normally, when I knock on her door and she knows it's me she tells me to go away. But now all I'm getting is silence. At this point, I honestly don't know which is worse. I open the door anyway and slowly walk into the room. She's lying on her bed and messing with her doll. She's not really playing with it, but she's making the arms and legs move a little. I sit down on the bed but she completely ignores me. I need to think of something and fast.

"I picked up your toys in the living room so you don't have to worry about that." Oh yeah, what an awesome thing to say, that'll have her opening up any second now. She just shrugs her shoulders and glances over at me for a second. Man, when this kid wants to ignore a person she really pulls out all the stops. "Hey Miranda." I reach out and touch her leg, and she looks me dead in the eyes. Oh man, if looks could kill. "How come you…" I need to word this very carefully or she might throw a tantrum or something. "…didn't want to play anymore? I thought we were having fun." She takes in a very big breath and lets it out slowly. She looks at her doll again, and I'm about to repeat the question when she finally says something.

"Because I don't like being tickled," she says and starts running her fingers through her dolls hair. Wow, I didn't think she was actually going to open up to me at all. Sure, it was so fuckin obvious that she didn't like being tickled, but I never thought she'd actually answer my question. I thought she was just going to ignore me until I gave up, but she actually talked to me. I think we're making some improvements. If things go the way I want them to I'm going to be her step-mother in the next like, ten years or so because I don't want to get married too soon. So not the point, the point is I want us to be closer by the time I become her step-mom because I don't want to be one of those mean step-moms that are monsters in fairytales. In awful would that be?

"Ok." I'm trying to sound as casual as possible. I used to watch Faith talk to her kids whenever one of them was upset and she stayed really calm and casual and they seemed to respond to that more. Then again, Miranda is almost nothing like her cousins. "How come you don't like being tickled?" As soon as those words leave my lips she looks over at me with this weird expression on her face. I can just tell she thinks I'm crazy for asking that. I don't really care how dumb the question is, I just want her to answer it. I just want her to keep talking to me. She gets a big frown on her face and some tears well up in her eyes. See, I was right, this is serious. Well I'm glad I didn't puss out and came in here. If she's actually talking to me then maybe I can help her or something.

"I just don't like being tickled," she says and turns away from me a little bit. Alright so she doesn't want to talk about it. But I need her to talk about it. She may throw tantrums and be a total pain in the ass sometimes, but she doesn't cry very often. Her tantrums are a lot of yelling and stomping and kicking and all of that crap, but she doesn't cry. The only time I've ever seen her cry is when she fell down and scrapped her knee pretty bad, and when Xander saw all those bruises on her and asked her what happened. She just looks so sad, and her voice sounded strained like she's trying really hard not to cry. I want to take her into my arms and hug her but I know if I do that she'll freak out. She doesn't like it when I try to hug her. She never used to be this cold towards me, but once I moved in with Xander her attitude changed big time.

"Miranda, how about we make a deal," I say and that gets her attention. She looks over at me, but she still looks really sad. God I wish there was something I could do to take that look off of her face. If this totally fucked up feeling is what happens to Xander whenever he tries to say no to her then I'm having a harder time being mad at him for spoiling her so much. "You tell me the real reason why you're so sad, and you can ask me anything you want." She doesn't look like she believes me, and if I were her I probably wouldn't believe me either. "I mean, you can ask me anything you want and I'll tell you the absolute truth. Ok?" I lie down next to her on the bed. If it's one thing I've learned from the baby slayers it's that for whatever reason girls open up more when you lie down next to them. I guess it takes some of the pressure off if you're not looking right at them. "So, why did you get upset when I tickled you?" She sighs.

"I didn't get mad because you tickled me," she says and starts messing with her doll's hair again. She's quiet for a few seconds and I'm about to ask her why she got so mad but then she keeps talking. "When you grabbed me it scared me. That's what Daniel did when I got in trouble." I try really hard to stay calm when she says that. Daniel is her mom's boyfriend, ya know, the guy with the really bad fuckin temper. When Xander saw all those bruises and welts on her that night she said it was the first time he hit her with the belt, but I guess he used to spank her too. She said that she would try to run away but he would grab her, and carry her into her bedroom and spank her. God, why didn't I think of that? I never would have scooped her up like that if I just remembered. I really fuckin suck at this babysitting thing.

I look over at her and the tears that were in her eyes are now falling down her face. My chest gets that fucked up feeling again, and I slowly wrap my arms around her. She doesn't fight me, which is weird 'cause I thought that's what she would do. Nope, instead she snuggles into me a little more. I honestly don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I just couldn't lie here and do nothing when she looked and sounded so fucking sad. I'm not too sure what to do. Should I tell her everything is going to be ok? That sounds like patronizing bullshit even in my head, and she never hesitates to call someone out when they're "treating her like a baby". I don't blame her 'cause who actually likes being patronized? I just wish there was something I could say to make her feel better. I can't think of anything, but I think holding her like this is helping because she doesn't feel all tensed up anymore.

"Daniel's never going to hurt you again, I promise." Ok, I thought that would comfort her but I guess I should've just kept my mouth shut because now she's all tense again. Everyone's always told me I got a problem about talking without thinking first, and I ever really believed them, but maybe they're right. Alright, I need to try and lighten the mood because the air in here is starting to get toxic as hell and I hate it. I feel like I can't breathe. "Ok…" My voice is way more chipper than it needs to be but whatever. "…it's your turn, so what do you wanna ask me? Remember you can ask me anything you want." I probably should have offered to take her out for ice cream or something because now this deal sounds pretty retarded. I mean, she's nine so she probably doesn't want to know anything about me.

"Why do you want to take my dad away from me?" Or I could be dead fuckin wrong like I always seem to be. I sit up on the bed so I can look at her, and she looks afraid. I guess she thinks I'm going to be mad at her. When she asked the question, her voice sounded so small like she was almost hoping I wouldn't be able to hear. I'm not mad at her, though. I'm just really fuckin surprised. I guess I shouldn't be. She's been trying to get in between me and Xander for a while, so I shouldn't be this surprised.

"Miranda, I'm not trying to take your dad away from you," I tell her and I don't think I've ever sounded so fuckin serious in my entire life. She still looks really scared and right now she looks really small. This kid normally has so much energy and such a big personality that she looks bigger than she really is, if that makes sense, that it's really fuckin weird to see her like this. I reach out and gently run my fingers through her hair 'cause when I'm upset that usually calms me down so maybe it'll work on her too. "Why do you think I'm trying to take your dad away from you?" She sighs and looks at her doll again. She might not answer me but I really hope she does. I don't want her thinking I'm trying to take Xander away from her. That's just fucked up.

"My mom said you and Dad are going to get married and have kids together and he won't want to be my dad anymore because he'll have new kids to take care of," she says and her voice sounds even smaller than before. Oh that fuckin bitch Katie. If I wouldn't get hauled back to Cleveland and locked up in a cell, I'd so kick that bitch's ass. I know that she wants Xander's money out of spite, but I didn't think she'd actually try to turn Miranda against Xander like that. Miranda is the one thing in this world that Xander refuses to give up, and I know that if he lost her he wouldn't come back from that. I guess Katie think if she can't win in court she'll try to poison Miranda now while she's young. Man, no wonder this kid is kinda fucked up; her mom and her mom's boyfriend are fuckin crazy.

"No, Miranda, that's not true. I'm not trying to take your dad away from you. Even if we did have kids together, there's no way he'd stop loving you." And there's no way Xander and I are having kids any time soon. Xander brought it up a couple of months ago, the idea of having a baby together, and I got so freaked out by it I wouldn't have sex with him for three weeks just in case the birth control failed. "I don't know why your mom said that stuff." I have a pretty good idea why, but if I tell her that it'll just cause more unneeded drama. "But it's not true, ok?" She nods her head a little bit and she doesn't look so afraid anymore. I smile a little bit and run my fingers through her hair again.

"Is that why you've been so bratty to me, you were trying to stop me from stealing your dad?" I ask and I make sure to keep my tone light so she doesn't think she's in trouble. She looks all embarrassed now and it's adorable. I laugh a little and tickle her stomach. She giggles and squirms around a little. "Now that you know I'm not a wicked witch-" I'm glad Willow can't hear me say that or she might have me killed. "Can you be nicer to me? I think your dad would like it a lot if we got along and at least pretend to like each other." I tickle her again and she nods her head. It's so fuckin weird that she isn't talking, because normally it takes a lot to make her be quiet for five minutes. "Huh, can you be nice to me now? Huh? Huh?"

"Yes, Lily," she says around her laughter. "I'll be nice." I stop tickling her when she looks into my eyes and she looks dead serious. It's really hard to explain what I'm seeing right now but it's almost like she's this old soul trapped in a little kid's body. Does that make any sense? I think I need to stop spending so much time with the local coven. I'm definitely starting to think a lot like them, and it's not the worst thing that could happen, but I still don't like it. Anyway, Miranda's looking at me all serious and I wait to see what she's gonna say. "You gotta make me a promise." Oh great, now what? "If you and Dad do have a baby you have to have a boy. I wanna be the only daddy's girl." I'm trying so fuckin hard not to laugh right now that I might explode.

"Ok, I promise to do my best." How I got that sentence out with a straight face is a fuckin miracle. Now that we've cleared the air or whatever, the tension in the room has disappeared which is good 'cause it was getting way too heavy in here. I lean down and give her a little kiss on the forehead. I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to do that. She gives me a weird look, but before she can say anything, I jump up off the bed. Now she's lookin at me like I'm crazy but I don't really care. I have this weight lifted off my shoulders because now I know that she didn't hate me because I was doing something wrong. She hated me because her mom is an evil bitch. But now I think things are going to be better around here. "Last one to the kitchen gets the smallest bowl of ice cream!" Oh yeah, now that things are better between us this whole babysitting thing might be pretty fun after all.

BPOV

Today was such an awesome day. I don't want to make you jealous or anything but there's really no way you could have had a better day than me. We had fifteen children, not including our own, at the house today and I managed to feed every single one without burning anything, chopping off one of my fingers, or breaking any of my dishes. There weren't any fights that weren't quickly resolved, and Joseph was only mopey for about fifteen minutes. He was a little upset that we started the party without him, but after he found out that his cousins are spending the night he stopped pouting and ran outside to play. And it wasn't just the kids that were pretty awesome, Faith was great too. I thought she was going to slack off, and leave most of the responsibility to me because that's kind of her M.O. whenever the kids have friends over, but she was very helpful.

It's eleven thirty right now, and for the most part the house is pretty quiet. We sent the younger kids to bed hours ago, but Matthew and his friends are still up. They're playing video games in his room, and every once in a while I can hear something explode and they'll start laughing. They know they have to be quiet, and if I wasn't a slayer I wouldn't be able to hear them as well, probably not at all. Anyway, I'm lying here in bed just staring up at the ceiling because I can't sleep. Even though today was great it was kind of exhausting, especially after Sky dropped off the baby, but I'm just not tired. I have some pent up energy that won't go away. Tomorrow morning is going to hell, and I should get some rest, but I just can't. Faith and I are going to be making breakfast for fourteen people, and I have to take care of Ashlyn until Sky or Willow picks her up so I'm going to need a lot of energy.

I sigh a little and glance over at Faith. I don't think she's asleep yet, but I don't want to ask her if she's still awake because that irritates her, and I don't want to end today on a bad note because today was really awesome. It wasn't just the fact that all of the kids had fun, and I cooked an entire meal without ruining anything, and Faith wasn't a lazy ass. It's the fact that all of this happened and the party wasn't crashed by a zombie, or a demon, and nobody cut their arm open. There was no major drama, no supernatural party crashers that I had to kill and try to explain away to the kids that aren't ours and don't already know about that stuff. The closest thing to a demon that I saw today was Missy when Faith accidentally dropped a hotdog on the ground and both dogs went for it at the same time. Today was the very first day that I can remember feeling completely normal.

It probably doesn't sound like much to you, but for me that's a huge deal. The only worries I had today were boring normal people worries. Whenever the phone rang I didn't get tense and wonder if it was Giles calling to tell me that the world is ending again, or one of the Seers from the slayer school calling to tell me about some big, bad demon that's moved into the area and needs to be eliminated as soon as possible, or that something bad was happening at the school and Faith and I need to get there right away. Nope, the biggest concern I had today was whether or not we'd have enough chips to go around, and hoping Addison wouldn't make a big deal about sharing the Sour Cream and Onion Ruffles. She's normally not selfish, when it comes to food at least, but that girl is serious about those chips. She takes after Faith on that one.

I look over at Faith again and an evil smirk appears on my face. Ok, so maybe not evil, but definitely not angelic. Anyway, I very slowly scoot closer to Faith until I can feel her body heat, but I'm not touching her. Faith and I never go to bed this early on a Friday, and when we do sleep is the farthest thing from our minds. We talked a little before we said goodnight and she turned out her lamp, but that isn't enough for me. I'm sure she felt me moving towards her, but she hasn't moved or made any indication that she's still awake, but that doesn't really mean anything because Faith can play possum like nobody's business. She's lying on her side facing toward me so I'll know right away if she's awake or not after I do this. I slowly run my hand up her thigh, and the muscles twitch under my soft touch, and with no hesitation whatsoever I practically shove my hand down the front of her boxers and cup……her cotton clad pussy? What the hell? Faith never wears panties when she wears boxers.

"B, what are you doing?" she asks as she eyes fly open. She sounds almost panicked. And what does she think I'm doing, undergoing an expedition to find the world's largest diamond? Ok, maybe that was a little strange, but it's not like anyone but me heard it so whatever. She grabs onto my wrist and pulls my hand out of her boxers and her eyebrows are all furrowed now. Even when she's a little irritated she looks cute, and hot all rolled up together and wrapped with a sexy bow. How a bow would be sexy, I have no idea, but I'm sure Faith could pull it off. "Do you know how many kids are in this house, and do you remember how many of them aren't ours to traumatize?" Oh my God, I can't believe she's acting like this. Faith is the last person I would have expected to be worried about something like this. In fact I'm surprised she wasn't the one who made the first move.

"We're not going to traumatize anyone," I whisper very softly, and snuggle up to her. She didn't tense up, which is good, but she's not relaxing either. It's not like I want to fool around with her just to fool around. It's been a couple days since we've been intimate and I miss her touch. Ok, and maybe I want to torture her a little bit. She's always been afraid of one of the kids walking in on us and I like being sneaky, it's such a rush. Anyway, I gently wrap my arms around her, and bring my knee up so it's by her thighs, but I don't move it further than that. If I try to put it between them right now she'll get irritated. "Baby, the kids went to bed hours ago, I'm sure they're asleep by now." I whisper, and very gently kiss her on the cheek, and nuzzle her neck. Her neck is a very sensitive area. I place little kisses up and down it from the bottom of her ear to the base by her shoulder, and I feel her shiver. I can feel her nipples harden through the fabric of our clothing.

"But the lock's broken, B, any of 'em could just walk in here," she says, and gently puts her hand on my waist. It isn't there to gently caress me like she normally does when we're still in the foreplay portion of our lovemaking. Nope, the hand is there to block me from going forward. Even though she's saying no I can tell that she's totally conflicted and a part of her wants to do this just as much as I want to. How do you I know? Because she's kissing me, and this isn't a sweet, chaste goodnight-I–love-you-maybe-tomorrow kiss either. This is an if-I-had-my-way-I'd-get-you-naked-and-hit-it-like-a-caveman kiss. Now she's starting to caress me like she normally does. She's running her hand from my hip to my stomach and back to my hip. She always does that before she rolls me onto my back and tops me, but I feel like being in charge tonight.

"Sure, Mattie or Addy or Joey walks in: no big," she says against my lips and starts kissing me again. I slowly drag my hand between our bodies and start toying with her hard nipple through her shirt. I really wish she wouldn't mention their names when I'm turned on. That's just wrong. I might develop some kind of complex. "But one of Addy's little friends walks in and sees us…" Again, that's said right against my lips and she's rushing to get her words out. With the way she's acting it's safe to say she's been turned on for a while. "…he'll tell his mom and dad he saw us fucking…" I roll her over onto her back and wedge my thigh between her legs at the same time. She sucks in a deep breath when my thigh presses against her pussy, but it sounds more like a hiss. She can fight it all she wants but unless the houses catches on fire, or we get abducted by aliens we're so having sex tonight. "…and we're the pervs of the neighborhood, and no one lets their kids come over here ever again."

"I'm failing to see the downside of this," I say, and chuckle a little bit. I look into her eyes and her pupils are so dilated that her eyes look almost completely black. Her face is flushed, her lips are swollen from all the kisses, and I'm willing to bet that when I take her shirt off she's going to have a lover's flush. Faith may not like to admit it, but she looks very pretty in pink. We meet halfway for another hungry kiss, and I start softly grinding against her. I reach down and try to open her legs a little more so I have more room, but she doesn't budge. Did she go out and buy a chastity belt or something? Faith has never been this hesitant before. Luckily I know her weak spot. Faith likes to think that when it comes to sex she's this all-knowing sex goddess who can render other people helpless but she has complete control of her own body.

She can dream, but she does have a couple of weaknesses and I know what they are. I slowly start to rain little kisses over her neck, and I can feel her chest moving quicker as her breathing becomes a little more labored. The left side of Faith's neck is very sensitive. It took me a while to figure this out when we first started fooling around way back in the day, but it's become a very useful piece of knowledge that I've used to my advantage on more than a few occasions. It isn't just kissing her neck that drives her wild. No, that's enough to get her blood flowing a little faster, but not enough to make her give up the reservations she has right now. I make sure to use a little bit of tongue with the kisses to make a wet spot on her hot skin. After a minute or two of this I pull back just a little and blow a slow, steady breath of warm air on the wet spot I created. She lets out a moan and claws at my back.

"No fair. That's cheating," she says, and she sounds completely breathless and sexy as hell. I can't help but chuckle a little. We start kissing again and it's even more animalistic than before. We're grinding against each other a little harder now and if I don't get any release soon I might go insane. I have a feeling it's the same for her. Every time I grind down I press my thigh just a little harder against her, and a low, short moan escapes the back of her throat, and it vibrates against my lips. I didn't think it was possible, but I'm getting even more turned on by that. She breaks the kiss and she's breathing like she just finished running a marathon. She has a very serious look on her face and I have a bad feeling growing in the pit of my stomach. "What if Nick or Alex walks in and sees us? We're blood related B, that's traumatic, and Dawn will kill us if she found out about it." I can't help the smile that breaks out on my face and I softly kiss her swollen lips.

"Then we give them some of your comic books in exchange for their silence." That was probably the wrong thing to say because if looks could kill I would be a big pile of Buffy shaped ashes right now. She always makes this face when I joke about her comic books, and she gets irritated when I call her a geek or a nerd and she'll deny that she is one until she's blue in the face. Can someone explain to me how that makes sense, because I really don't understand it. I place a little kiss between her eyebrows until she relaxes and the little wrinkle from her glare goes away. "It's not like we're in a peep show, Faith. If we hear the door open we'll stop and send them back to bed." We kiss again and this one isn't as desperate as the others, but the potential for more is definitely there. I end the kiss, but I don't pull back right away. I spend a minute or two nibbling on her bottom lip, and a deep moan gurgles at the back of her throat.

"They won't see anything," I tell her with my lips still lightly pressed against hers. I reach down and grab onto the comforter, and with one quick motion I pull it over our heads. We're shielded from the little bit of moonlight that was creeping in through the crack in the curtains, and we sit in near silence until our eyes adjust, and the only sound in the room is our heavy breathing. I pepper little kisses on her lips until I feel her smile. I pull back to look at her and just the sight of her smiling and seeing that little twinkle in her eyes makes me smile too. "What's so funny, hot stuff?" I kiss her on the lips again, but it's short and very chaste compared to a few of the other kisses we've shared in the last twenty minutes or so.

"This is your brilliant plan, B, hide under the covers like a couple of nervous teenagers?" she asks, and that perfectly plucked eyebrow rises just a little. "Come on, you know these covers aren't gonna stay up. We've tried that before, remember?" She gets a sexy little smirk on her face but it doesn't reach her eyes. I can tell she really is bothered by the thought of getting walked in on. "We get to doin what we do best and the blankets always end up at the foot of the bed or on the floor." She's not making this easy for me and I know she's doing that on purpose. Maybe she was just playing hard to get after all and she isn't as worried as I thought? To test my theory I kiss her again, and this is a kiss with intent behind it. This is the kind of kiss that should send chills down her spine and make her toes curl. The fact that she's now clawing at my back is a pretty safe bet that's exactly what happened. "You are such a cheater."

"Hard to cheat when there aren't any rules," I say with a little smirk on my face. I totally cheated but I'll never admit that out loud. I'd never hear the end of it. Faith can act like a five-year-old sometimes and even though it's cute, when she gets like that she just doesn't know when to let stuff go. But why am I still thinking about it? I kiss her again and as soon as our lips touch her hips start grinding against my thigh. See, I told you she wouldn't be able to hold out for long. I tease her lip with the tip of my tongue and a moan escapes the back of her throat. I can feel it vibrating against my lips and it sends a wave down my body. I feel like it lit a fire in its wake and I just have to have her right now. I can't wait anymore.

"Baby, please, I need you now," I moan into her ear and her nails dig into my back a little more. I know that I sounded really cheesy and most likely more than a little porn-star-ish, but I don't care. I start pulling at her boxers and instantly she lifts her hips to help me out. I pull them off without ripping them and I think that's a minor miracle because I'm not being gentle about it at all. We're way passed gentle and tender. This is raw animal need and I'm surprised it's taken us this long to take our clothes off. Seriously, how have I not spontaneously combusted or something? I cup her pussy, needing to feel how wet she is for me, and I can't help but giggle. I totally forgot she was wearing panties under the boxers. I have no idea why she thought it would be a good idea to wear both, but I think it's adorable. "Trying to protect your modesty?" I pull away from her neck just far enough to look into her eyes and she's smiling a little too.

"You know how teenage boys can be. Just didn't want 'em getting an eyeful if they tried to sneak a peek," she says and I guess she just realized how ridiculous that sounds because she's blushing a little and now she won't make eye contact with me. I really wish she would. I can't explain it but I need to be looking into her eyes right now. Instead of whining and possibly ruining the moment, I kiss her deeply and grind against her. She hesitates for just a second, but she starts kissing and grinding back and now I can't even remember if that little conversation we just had really happened or if I imagined it. I better stop thinking and go with this or she might think I'm insane or something. "B, get these clothes off." She starts pulling at my shirt, and I smile against her lips. I stop smiling like an idiot, though, because when Faith starts to get impatient about sex the ice starts to get extremely thin, and one wrong move can send her from really turned on to really irritated.

When all of our clothes are finally off, I position my hips just right and spread our lips apart. We both moan when our clits come into contact and it feels like forever since we've done this. We don't have sex in this particular way very often, and over the years I've only been on top a handful of times. I've never gotten used to this feeling, and I think that's a great thing. It still feels amazing, but feeling it from this perspective is definitely different. Faith starts rocking her hips a little and I can't help but smile. Even when she's on the bottom she's trying to be a top. I kiss her slowly to drown out the moan that escaped the back of my throat, and I start to slowly rock against her. Apparently she doesn't like the whole going slow idea because she's trying to get me to speed up. I kiss my way down her jaw line and as soon as my lips reach her neck I bite. Not hard enough to hurt her or anything, just hard enough to remind her I'm in charge tonight.

She lets out this strange noise that's kind of hard to describe. It's like she tried to let out a moan and suck in a breath at the same time. Whatever it was, it sounded completely animalistic, and totally hot. I didn't think it was possible but my blood is flowing faster through my veins now. My pussy is throbbing so hard that it hurts, and rubbing against Faith's is only curing some of the ache. I feel like if I don't get any release soon I might go insane. I know that sounds melodramatic, but that doesn't make it any less of a possibility. I let go of her neck and pull my head back just enough to look into her eyes. They're so dark they look black, and the look on her face is so beautiful I know I'll never forget it. Her eyes are shut, her head is slightly tilted back, and her lips are parted just enough to let out the noises rushing from the back of her throat.

I kiss her on the lips, and they're swollen way passed their normal size. I can feel them pulsing against my own and it's one of the weirdest, sexiest things I've ever felt. It probably wouldn't feel so strange if my lips weren't doing the exact same thing. It feels like our bodies are humming and pulsating everywhere they're touching and I just can't get close enough to her. Even though there's like zero space between us she's still too far away from me. I pull back from the kiss and rest my forehead on hers. The blankets are still pulled over our heads and it's created a cocoon around us. The words she's moaning out seem to be trapped in this little space for only ears to witness and I don't know why but that thought is sending me closer to the edge. It isn't just that thought getting me off, obviously. It's the pleasure of our bodies connected in all of the right spots, the way she's sighing and moaning my name like she's never going to get to say it again after this, and the way she's clinging to me.

"Oh fuck, oh God Buffy. Don't stop, don't stop," she moans and rakes her nails down my back all the way to my ass. I wouldn't even think about stopping right now. We're both too close, too wrapped up in what's going on that even the thought of stopping is depressing and unthinkable. I'm staring into her eyes and trying to concentrate on the openness of them but my vision is starting to blur. The force of my orgasm starts in my brainstem. My toes and the bottoms of my feet start to feel all tingly and before I can even acknowledge the fact that I'm about to come a bomb goes off inside my mind. At least that's what it feels like. My body has lost all sense of control and the rhythm Faith and I had built is abandoned. I feel her nails dig into my back, and hear a loud, sharp squeaky sound and in the back of my mind I smile because she just came too. I don't know why but she always squeaks when she's the bottom.

And just like that, it stops and I'm left trembling and trying to suck in oxygen that just isn't here anymore. I can't move but I'm feeling a little uncomfortable because of our cocoon. I can't get the air my body needs and it's making me panic a little. Self preservation and all of that stuff. I lay my head down on Faith's sweaty shoulder and try as hard as I can to control my breathing. After a minute or two I can hear her calming down but I feel like I still can't breathe. This is a little ridiculous if you think about it. I mean, I was down in the mouth of hell with a through and through stab wound in my gut and I still managed to get to my feet and basically tell the First to fuck off. But after a massive orgasm I'm completely useless. But it doesn't matter because I guess Faith was starting to feel all claustrophobic too 'cause she's the one who pulls the blankets down. That's when I hear the one thing I really didn't want to hear.

"They're getting up, run!" I hear a little whispered voice rush out. On instinct alone I lift myself up enough to look over my shoulder. I see the little kids who were supposed to be sleeping downstairs turn and run as fast as they can. The door is about halfway open so sure enough they were standing there listening to us. Thank God I pulled the blankets over our heads and they actually stayed. I don't know which god or goddess out there to thank for that, but my gratitude is endless. I let out a little yelp when I feel a finger and a thumb pinch my left ass cheek. I don't look at Faith like I know she wanted me to. I just lay my head back down on her shoulder and try to ignore her. It's kind of hard when she's giggling so much, but I know if I look at her she's going to start gloating. I just had a massive orgasm and I'm still feeling all tingly, I don't want that to go away so soon.

"'Don't worry, baby, the kids went to bed hours ago, I'm sure they're asleep'," she says, doing her best impression of me. I have to bite my lips to stop myself from laughing. I don't want her to know that she's getting to me. I'm totally playing possum and if I can just keep the urge to laugh under control than everything will be ok. "I knew it was a bunch of bull as soon as you said it." She's trying to sound irritated and she's failing miserably. I can tell she's smiling and the sound of her faux-tation is adorable. I can also tell that she isn't irritated because she's slowly running her hands up and down my back along the same paths that her nails took earlier. Now that I'm calmer I can feel my skin starting to heal and mend back together. "Now a bunch of little kids are gonna be telling all their friends that they saw two hot lesbians having sex, what do you have to say for yourself, Twinkie?"

"You could have said no," I tell her and the laughter in my voice is hard to control. She chuckles a little bit, and then I feel a slap on my ass. What is it with her and abusing my ass tonight? If my muscles weren't so spent I'd fight back but all I wanna do is lie here and bask in the awesome glory. I thought the sex I had with Faith when we were in our twenties was good, but I was totally wrong. Since we've gotten older the sex is way better. We know each other's bodies like the backs of our own hands, and we know exactly how to blow each other's minds. Anyway, she starts rubbing my back again and I practically purr in appreciation. I really don't want her to stop touching me. She may get clingy and girly after I dominate her but I'm always clingy and girly after sex. It's just how I am and she's admitted to loving it about me.

"No way I could've said no to you, B, especially when you're begging for it," she says and leaves a little kiss on my head. I smile real wide at the memory and kiss the skin that I'm using as a pillow. Now that our bodies are cooling down the sweat that is still on our skin is starting to feel icky. Normally I'd go into the bathroom and clean up a little but I don't want to move. I'm too comfortable right now and all I want to do is lie here and feel like this forever. "Sometimes I still can't believe it." I guess she really is feeling like a chick right now. Faith and I do talk after sex, we're women, it's a stereotype for a reason, but she's normally quiet for a while afterwards. "Back in Sunnydale before it all went bad I would've given anything to be with you, and I dunno, sometimes it's just hard to believe that Buffy Summers is in love with me." She says that around a little laugh, but I don't smile back. It bugs me when she puts me up on a pedestal like that.

"Sometimes I can't believe that Faith Lehane gave up her wild ways to be with me," I tell her and her hands still for just a second. Since she's opening up about her insecurities I might as well do the same. I still have a problem with trying to hide that stuff from her. I know that no one is a hundred percent honest about their feelings, especially with the person they're with, but I also know that I shouldn't feel like I have to keep it hidden. I know Faith will still love me. She's seen the best and the worst of me so there's almost nothing I can do or say that will scare her off. If she was looking for a way out she would have left when we were going through that really bad patch when all we were doing was fighting and then having angry sex. I sigh a little when she starts rubbing my back again, and she leaves another little kiss on the top of my head. I know that's her way of encouraging me to open up some more.

"It's weird, sometimes I think I tricked you into all of this somehow, and one day you're going to wake up and realize how…I don't know…tame you've become and take off. Deep down I know you'd never do that but sometimes that thought sneaks up on me when we want to go out but we can't because we can't find a sitter or when it's one of those bad days when all of the kids are acting up and we just can't get a break." She keeps rubbing my back and she gives me another kiss on my head so I know that she's not upset by that. I'm not saying this to make her feel guilty or anything like that. I just wanted to be honest with her. But the mood in here is starting to change and I don't like it. Things are starting to get a little heavy and tense and that's something that I don't want to feel right now. I lean up just enough to look deeply into her eyes and I force myself to be as serious as possible.

"Can you make me a promise?" I ask and she doesn't even hesitate before she nods her head yes. She has a look of concern in her eyes and it's amazing how with just one look my heart feels like it's melting. Not literally because that would be gross and I'd be dead right about now, but you know what I mean. But I push that feeling down because if I lose this very solemn tone of voice then everything will be ruined. "Promise me that if you ever leave me you'll take your stupid dog with you." And just like that all of the tension that was in the room melts like a piece of ice in hundred degree weather. She holds it in for like a second, but then her self control cracks like fine china and she's laughing so hard she's shaking. I put my hand over her mouth because if she gets too loud the baby might wake up. I'm surprised she didn't wake up a little while ago because we were pretty loud.

"I promise," she says after she calms down. It's kind of muffled because my hand is still over her mouth. I take it away and give her a little kiss on the lips and when it ends she has a big smile on her face. "I promise in the one in a billion chance that I'll leave you, I'll take my dog with me." I smile back and give her another kiss on the lips. It stays sweet and ends all too quickly. When it's over I slide off to the side but she doesn't let me go too far. She holds me against her and nuzzles my neck a little. See, I told you she gets very clingy when I top her. Maybe I should start doing that more often. "Besides B, you know there's only one thing in this world that would ever make me leave you." I can tell by her tone that she's just joking around so I don't get all weird about it like I'm known to get about statements like that. Wait, I said that wrong. I'm sure anyone would get weird about a statement like that.

"If I stopped having sex with you?" I ask and my voice is also light because I know this conversation isn't going to be anywhere near serious for the rest of the night. I'm sure it isn't going to last for much longer either because my eyelids are starting to get really heavy.

"No, not that," she says and I can hear the smirk on her face. She gives me a little pinch my ass and I let out a little yelp. Seriously, why does she keep going after my ass tonight? Normally she doesn't focus on it so much because she knows it bothers me after a while. "If you let your hair go back to dark, then I'm outta here." I let out a mock gasp, and it's my turn to give her a pinch on the ass. She squeals a little and squirms around but after a couple of seconds we both calm down. She said that because for a while I was letting my hair grow out. I was tired of going in every six weeks and getting the roots touched up but Faith whined about it so much that I eventually dyed it back to blonde. She can be such a brat sometimes, but it's one of the many reasons why I love her so much the only way either one of us is getting out of this relationship is death, and you've seen how many times I've come back from that.


	87. It's The End Of The WorldAgain

Two Years Later. BPOV

"No Giles, don't worry, we can handle it." I've been a slayer since I was fifteen and now he's worried that I can't do my job? Ok, so technically it's not my job anymore because I'm semi-retired and I only patrol the local area and don't really get involved with the big issues anymore, but it's not like I'm incompetent. I can't even count how many apocalypses I've stopped over the years and even if I haven't helped with the last few because there are other slayers who can take care of it, those should still count for something, right? Speaking of which, "Just make sure the squad gets here as soon as possible. Addison has a dance recital tomorrow and I'm not going to miss it just because the world might end."

"Buffy," he says with a disapproving sigh like he has ever since he became my watcher. It's good that some things don't change. With how crazy the world out there is nowadays it's nice to know some things you can still count on. Ok, so Giles talking to me like I'm still sixteen isn't overwhelming me with happiness but somewhere deep down I'm smiling. "The fate of world could be resting on your shoulders." Trust me, it's not. "I think that takes priority over a dance recital." If it were really up to me to take care of this it would. There's a tense silence that lasts a few seconds because I know he still has more to say. I just have to wait him out. And in five…four…three…two…one, "And make sure to send me a copy of the video. I don't get to see my grandchildren enough." Oh great, not this argument again.

"Well if you would actually retire instead of pretending to then you would be able to come visit more often." There, take that. He lets out another little sigh so I know I've made a point and he's having trouble coming up with a counterargument. This conversation is something we've been doing a lot lately because he's getting older and I'm afraid he isn't going to get to spend enough time with my kids before he dies. The thought of a world without Giles is a scary one, but it's a reality that needs to be dealt with. At that's what Faith keeps telling me. I try really hard not to think about it, but Faith always manages to remind me. "Matthew is graduating high school in two years and you're not going to miss it because you can't let Andrew do his job." Giles technically retire two months ago and he promised to come for a visit, but he can't let go of his job.

"I just want to make sure Andrew is settled into his new role as headmaster before I leave. I don't want him to get overwhelmed and make a huge mistake that could have been avoided. The girls' lives could be put into jeopardy." I highly doubt that. Andrew was Giles' understudy for a year and half before Giles retired, and he's had a lot of experience handling tricky situations and unstable slayers. He's also gotten really good at staying cool under pressure and he doesn't panic and freeze up like he used to. I think Giles is just having trouble letting go of being the headmaster. It's totally understandable. He started the school from scratch. Yeah, he had a lot of help but that school is like his child and he's having a hard time saying goodbye and leaving it in someone else's hands. And that's the only reason why I'm going to drop the subject.

"Well, as soon as he's settled make sure you come down here for a visit. We miss you," I tell him and I can hear him cleaning his glasses. Sometimes he's too British for his own good. He's been in America for so long you'd think some of that would have rubbed off by now. "So where do I need to keep an eye out for these demons?" And just like that the subject has been changed. He's already told me five times where I need to look, and it shouldn't be too hard. The demons need to collect the bones of children in order to perform the ritual. Atokda demons aren't known for their brain power or fighting skills, or much of anything really, but they want their fifteen minutes of fame and to get it they're trying to destroy the world even if it means doing the ritual in a town that doesn't have a hellmouth.

"Focus on the cemeteries, mostly, but also keep an eye on the funeral homes in case there have been any recent deaths. They'll go after the graves of children that have been around the longest for the longer a body is in the ground the more mystical energy it will absorb, but we believe these demons are mostly trying to draw attention to themselves and won't pass up the fresher graves if possible." Ok, that's just wrong. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have to bury your child, but to have their grave defiled would be so unbelievable hard to deal with. Giles doesn't have to do any more convincing because I really want to kill these demons as soon as possible. "You may have to patrol longer than normal. These demons are known for their cowardice and will try to avoid a confrontation by any means necessary."

"Even if it means staying out super late?" I ask and I don't sound very happy. Trust me, I am not happy about that at all. "They're just lucky it's a Friday because if I had to stay out until four in the morning and then try to get my kids ready for school two hours later they would have gotten my foot up their asses before I decapitate them with my best axe." I hear Giles sigh and I know he wants to say something about my obscene language but he knows it isn't going to do any good. "I should probably start patrol now. These demons sound like the perfect practice dummies for Matthew." We started taking Matthew on patrol with us so he can let out his slayer side. We wanted to wait a little while longer but he made the argument that I started patrolling when I was fifteen and he should get to also.

"Ah, yes, and how is his training coming along?" Giles asks and he couldn't sound more proud right now even if he tried. Last June we flew out to Ohio and Faith and I each gave a speech to the graduating class. Then afterwards at the party Matthew was talking to some of the graduates and bet them each a hundred dollars that none of them could win him in a sparring match. He ended up winning a thousand dollars and Giles wanted to test him for real and it turns out that our boy is stronger than any slayer at the school or in history. Addison was feeling a little left out though and wanted to be tested also. She's almost as strong as Matthew but since she's younger she's not quite there yet. It's a scary thought because it means my daughter is going to be the strongest slayer in the history of all slayers.

"Some days are better than others. He likes training, but you know how fifteen year olds can be, and that so totally wasn't an invitation to comment on what I was like as a teenager," I say in one long breath and I can practically hear the smirk on his face. Ok, so I'll admit, Matthew is a lot like me when I first started training. He mostly just wants to patrol and do weapons training, which are the fun parts, but the other stuff that has to do with meditation and hand-to-hand combat he isn't really interested in. He's like all teenagers. They want to do what's fun and actual hard work is to be avoided at all costs. "But tonight should be fun for him. I don't want him getting used to helping thwart a demon's evil scheme for bringing an end to the world as we know it but this is his first one." Hmmm, I never thought about it like that before. "Should I take a camera? I should probably take a camera."

"If you wish, although I don't think cherishing those types of memories is entirely healthy," he says and there's another kinda tense silence just like there was earlier. All I have to do is be patient until he can't take the silence anymore. Yep…any second now. "Make sure to send me copies." I can't help the little chuckle that slips out. Giles is too funny sometimes. "I should let you get on with patrol now. I have some paperwork that I need to catch up on." He doesn't really have any paperwork. It's paperwork that Andrew is supposed to do but Giles still won't let him touch it. But I'm not going to say anything to him because I don't want to start a fight. I've had a really good day so far and I don't want to end this conversation on a bad note or else it'll ruin my whole night.

"Goodnight Giles, and don't do all of Andrew's homework for him or else he'll never learn to do it on his own." Ok, I couldn't help myself. But he doesn't get too agitated by it like I thought he was going to. Instead, we just say our goodnights and hang up. And now I need to get ready for patrol. Normally, Matthew will just watching the younger ones while Faith and I patrol but since he's going with us tonight the little ones can stay with their Aunt Dawn. They haven't been spending as much time over there as they were over the summer. They love playing with their cousins and since the new school year started a month ago they haven't been able to play with them as much. And of course a huge reason for loving it at their Aunt Dawn's house is their Aunt Dawn spoils them rotten.

"Matthew James, Addison Kristine, Joseph Charles!" I yell out in a sing-song type of way that always makes me smile. I'm in a good mood, so sue me. I put the phone back in its cradle and sit down on the couch. I don't have to say anything else because they know when I use that tone something good is about to happen for them. It's when I sound irritated that they hesitate. Anyway, I look up at the ceiling and listen for them to start moving around. Two out of three start running towards their bedroom doors and then down the hall. I look over at the stairs and see Addison and Joseph pushing and shoving each other because they both want to be first. I know I should at least tell them to stop, but it's so hilarious to see, especially when they start in on the insults.

"Stop pushing, butt-face," Addison says and shoves Joseph hard. He slams up against the banister and has to take a second to get his balance. They've never actually shoved the other down the stairs or anything like that, and they're slayers so their reflexes make them quick enough to reach out and grab the banister before they fall. I know I should do something to stop this but they're siblings, this is just something they do.

"I didn't push, you stupid cow," Joseph spits back and pushes against Addison with his shoulder. She presses up against the banister and Joseph jumps the last five steps. I hate it when they do that. They're going to scuff up my floors. Eleven more years, that's all I have to take and then they'll all be out of my house and I can get new floors put in and not have to worry about them scuffing up the wood. Although, I bet you anything that as soon as they move out Faith is going to get a couple more dogs to fill the gap.

"I'm not a cow. You're the pig who goes back for thirds," she says and they both come running into the living room. They don't always fight like this, they get along most of the time but like I said, they're siblings; this is just what they do. I would tell them to knock it off if it weren't so damn funny. If they were saying all of that stuff loud then I would because I can't just let them get away with stuff like that, but they were saying all of that under their breaths and they think I couldn't hear them. If I weren't a slayer, I wouldn't have been able to hear it. As soon as they see me, Joseph gets a very specific look on his face and I know exactly what's coming.

"Mom, Addison called me a pig and she pushed me on the stairs," he whines and gives me the pout. It's the exact same pout Matthew used to give me when he was this age, and it's the same pout Faith sometimes gives me when she's feeling playful. Or when I'm getting kind of irritated with whatever it is she's doing and she tries to butter up to me, ya know, whichever comes first. Addison looks over at him with a death glare on her face but she doesn't say anything. He's so going to pay for that later. My baby girl can hold a grudge like no one's business and she doesn't wait very long before she collects.

"Addison, don't call your brother names," I tell her because it's my job to say stuff like that but I don't really care. Not at the moment anyway. I know they need to learn to respect each other and all of that stuff, but my mom tried her best and Dawn and I fought like rabid cats. I'm not saying I let them get away with it all the time, but right now I'm just in too good of a mood to deal with their crap. If I start to get into it they'll both start whining and it'll ruin the rest of my day and I don't want that to happen. It's selfish I know, but I haven't been having the best month so I won't this feeling to last for as long as possible. Anyway, I glance up at the ceiling again and concentrate but I don't hear Matthew moving. "Matthew, I need to talk to you right now!"

"He's not here anymore," Addison says and I look over at her. I can't help but let out a little sigh. My baby girl has decided that she wants to start dressing a little more feminine. Meaning instead of wearing nothing but "cool" t-shirts and blue jeans, she wears dresses, and skirts with her "cool" t-shirts, and she wants to hear her hair up all the time instead of just braiding it before she goes to bed to avoid getting tangles. But the wardrobe change hasn't affected the way she plays and I'm going to spend a good hour and a half scrubbing all of that play dough out of those Capri's and that shirt.

"What do you mean he's not here anymore?" Matthew is grounded so he's not supposed to leave the house. He's gotten into the very bad habit of ditching his afternoon classes. He shows up for English, History and Computer Skills in the morning, but he leaves at lunch and doesn't go back to school so he misses Geography, Algebra 2, and Biology. Because he hasn't been showing up or doing his homework he has D-'s in all of those classes and I told him that he's grounded until he has at least a B in all of his classes. Trust me when I tell you that conversation did not go over so well, but if he's going to be a delinquent he has to learn to deal with the consequences.

"I went to his room to ask him if he would help me build a castle with my play dough but he wasn't there. So I went into the kitchen 'cause he eats like a pig but he wasn't there. So I went to the shed to see if he was training but he wasn't there. And he wasn't in the bathroom or the basement or the attic or Joe's room." I hate it when she calls him Joe but there's nothing I can do about it. As long as she doesn't call him Joe Cool I'll learn to deal with it. "And I looked in your room 'cause he likes to steal Mama's motorcycle magazines." Oh that's just freaking great. Faith is going to have to find a new place to hide her porn. "But he wasn't there either. So he isn't here anymore." Great, so much for having a good day. I get up and the little ones are right behind me. As soon as I reach the stairs I can hear them trading verbal blows.

"Don't touch me, tattle tale," Addison hisses. They're trying to be as quiet as possible but I can hear them. It's not funny anymore and I know they can tell that I'm going to be in a very bad mood which is why they're keeping their distance and they're keeping the pushing and shoving to a minimum. My kids are far from stupid, and they know what they can and can't get away with. Well, at least the younger ones do. Matthew has either gone retarded or he just doesn't care about the rules anymore. But I'm holding out a little hope that he was just hiding somewhere so his little sister wouldn't bother him. She still worships the ground he walks on so I don't blame him from wanting some space to just chill out.

"I'm not a tattle tale, you stupid butthead," Joseph whines and I roll my eyes a little bit. I get to the top of the stairs and head straight for Matthew's room. I'm still holding out a little bit of hope that he's in his room. Maybe he was in the bathroom before Addison checked and then went back to his room? That's a very strong possibility. She does stuff like that sometimes when she's looking for Faith or me. I have a feeling that this isn't one of those times. He's been sneaking off a lot and not just from school. It isn't entirely his fault, though. I'm not going to name names, but he's been hanging out with someone who is a bad influence. I've been biting my tongue for months but I don't know how much more I can take.

"Yeah you are. You're a little cry baby, mama's boy, tattle tale," Addison says and I cringe a little. She's pissed and she's not pulling any punches. She's like this with Matthew too. My baby girl has always been iron-willed and lately that's been showing more. She doesn't take shit from anyone, which is a good thing. I don't want her to feel awkward about standing up for herself because girls are stereotypically taught to be subservient. But trust me I've gotten a few calls from her teacher. Addison isn't afraid to stand up to an authority figure if that person is wrong about something and she knows they're wrong. I've been trying to teach her to do it in a way that isn't so…argumentative, but she's short tempered just like Faith so it's difficult. "Are you gonna tell on me again, you little nark."

"Alright, that's enough. Both of you: either stop talking or go to your rooms. If I hear a word out of either one of you you're going to regret it," I tell them and my tone is pretty sharp. They instantly stop talking but I can hear them pushing each other just hard enough to get away with. I swear, these two can be best friends one minute and the next they're doing a pretty scary impersonation of those pit bulls that are trained to fight to the death. But like I've already said a couple of times, I think that's just what siblings are supposed to do. I knock on Matthew's bedroom door a couple of times before I open the door because he gets mad if someone just walks into his room, and sure enough he isn't in here. I think I just reached my breaking point.

"Joseph, go pack the overnight bag, you're going to have a sleep over at Aunt Dawn's," I tell him and he just stands there giving me a strange look. It's understandable. That statement did just come out of nowhere. I'm silently praying that they're not going to start bombarding me with questions but I know that it's going to happen. They're little kids. It's not in the nature of little kids to not ask questions, especially kids that have my genetic makeup. I should've known that when I reproduced I would give birth to little people who talk almost nonstop. But I cut him off before he can start with the questions. "Please, just go do it. Addison, go change into some different clothes. Wear a darker colored shirt and some jeans, ok?"

"Where are you going, Mom?" Joseph asks and he looks really concerned. Out of all my kids he's the most sensitive to other people's moods and changes in the environment. It takes him a long time to get used to changes around the house, and if someone else is in a bad mood it can affect him very easily. Like whenever Matthew gets in trouble at school and the discussion between him, Faith and I gets a little heated, Joseph gets very upset because we're getting angry with each other. Addison isn't really like that. She doesn't like it when we fight, but it doesn't ruin the rest of her day.

"I'm going to go find your brother and then I need to go slaying, ok? Please, go pack your bag," I tell him and I'm trying to be as nice about it as possible. Addison's eyes kind of light up because she already knows that she's going to get to go. I've taken her slaying before and when I did I had her wear darker clothing. Vampires and demons are attracted to brighter colors and I wanted my daughter to be as safe as possible. It isn't just her, I make Matthew dress the same way. Still, it's a little different with Addison because there's always the chance that the vampire we come across could be particularly sick and twisted. "Addison, go change." She runs off without another word but Joseph doesn't move and he has that big pout on his face.

"Why does Addison get to go slaying? I never get to go slaying," he says and his little voice is pulling at my heartstrings in all kinds of wrong ways. He's my baby, ya know? And I hate seeing him feeling so left out. This is an issue that's come up before. He wants to go slaying just like his brother and sister get to. Now I can't be sure of this since I'm the oldest, but doesn't the baby of the family always feel left out? I let out a little sigh and kneel down so I'm face to face with him. It's amazing how much he looks like Matthew. He's like a little clone or something except personality wise they're really different. Matthew was always bouncing off the walls and Joseph is way mellower.

"Sweetie, we've talked about this. What did Mama and I tell you about slaying?" I ask him and he looks down at his feet. I'm getting a total déjà vu type of moment from when I would watch the movie Bambi when I was a kid. Remember whenever Thumper would get into trouble and his mother was always like "and what did your father tell you about…?" and then Thumper would have to recite whatever it was his father said about the situation? It was always really cute but I cannot believe I've become that mother. Well, not really because I'm not a rabbit but you know what I mean. Anyway, Joseph lets out a little sigh and looks up at my face.

"You said I can't go slaying 'til my age reaches double digits," he says and I have the bite the insides of my cheeks to stop myself from smiling. He's just so damn cute right now I want to hug him close to me and never let him go. I can't do that though because then he'll never learn how to deal with this stuff and I don't want to raise a kid that doesn't know how to deal with their emotions. Plus he'll grow up to be that creepy single guy who can't get a date and still lives with his mother even though he's thirty-five. I definitely don't want to raise my kid to be Buster Bluth. "But it's not fair, Mom. I'm a slayer just like Addison and Matt, and I'm strong like them. I'm strong like Donkey Kong." Remind me to smack Faith in the back of head for saying that in front of him.

"I know you're strong, but you're not strong enough to fight vampires yet, ok? When you're older you can go patrolling," I tell him and he looks really sad again. Great, I don't want my baby to be sad even though there's nothing I can really do about this. He isn't old enough to go slaying, those are the rules and he needs to get used to them. But seeing him so upset is breaking my heart. "How about this, tomorrow after your sister's recital we'll go to the park and then have dinner at PJ's, just you and me. How does that sound?" He thinks about it for a second and his eyes kind of light up and he gets a smile on his face. I feel like I've been manipulated but I don't really care right now.

"That sounds fair," he says and runs off to his room. Oh yeah, I was totally just conned into taking him out to the park and then taking him to dinner, but like I said: I don't care. Spending time as a family is important but having one-on-one time with your kids is important too and I'm always worried that I don't do that enough with them. Maybe that's why Matthew has been acting this way lately. Does he feel ignored so he's seeking attention by acting out and breaking the rules? Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think that's true at all. I know my son and if he wanted our attention he would join a sports team or talk over everyone else at the dinner table. No, there's no excuse for what he's been doing lately and now that I'm thinking about it I'm starting to get really pissed off all over again.

"Ok, Mom, we're ready," Addison says and she sounds so excited. When did she go into Joseph's room? I guess I was really lost in my thoughts if I didn't notice that. She probably went in there to help him. He can pack the overnight bag by himself because he knows exactly what's supposed to go in there: some fresh clothes for tomorrow, pajamas, his toothbrush, his comb, and one of his favorite toys that he always takes with him whenever he has a sleepover at one of his relatives' houses. He knows what's supposed to go in there but most of the time it takes him forever to pack. I have no idea why, maybe it's because he's little, I don't know. Most of the time Addison will help him so that it doesn't take so long and I guess that's what she did today, which I'm grateful for. My patience is definitely running on low.

"Alright, let's go," I tell them and the walk down the stairs isn't filled with pushing and shoving like it normally would be. Nope, they're being good because they have something to lose. They know if they act up, I'll ask Lily to patrol and they'll have to stay home with a very grumpy me so now they're on their best behavior. Well, sort of. They're still teasing each other a little bit but I guess there's only so much I can ask for, ya know? Anyway, as soon as we reach the bottom of the stairs, the front door opens. My breath stops in my throat and I'm hoping that it's Matthew about to walk through the door with a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why he thought it was a good idea to sneak out of the house in the middle of the day. As soon as the person walks in my shoulders slump a little in disappointment.

"Hey, what's going on?" Faith asks and she looks a little confused. Any other day I'd think she looks adorable and want to kiss away the little wrinkle she gets between her eyes whenever her eyebrows knit together in confusion. Right now, though, I'm way too agitated to think of doing something lovey-dovey. She takes her eyes off the kids and the backpack and she looks at my face and she can instantly tell that I'm not in a good mood. I can tell she knows that because the confused look is gone and now she looks a little concerned but also like she's trying to walk through a field littered with landmines and not get blown up.

"Mom said I get to go patrolling tonight!" Addison says and she sounds so excited that I almost feel guilty for being so pissed off. I know that sounds weird, but it's a very weird and complex emotion. Now Faith looks confused again. We agreed to talk about it with each other first before promising the kids we'd talk them patrolling, and I kind of skipped that part altogether. It really isn't that big of a deal but there's a forty percent chance that it's going to cause a fight. I really hope it isn't going to cause a fight because I have enough on my plate right now without Faith being pissed off at me. I know that sounds a little selfish but right now I can't really force myself to care about how it sounds.

"She did, huh?" Faith asks but that's directed at me, not Addison. I hate it when she does that, it's so passive aggressive. Ok, so I'm like the queen of being passive aggressive but that doesn't mean I like it when other people do it to me. "I thought we agreed to talk about it first, B. What happened to being all adult about it?" I have to give her credit, even though she looks really pissed she doesn't sound it. Over the years she's gotten a lot better at controlling her emotions, especially in front of the kids. Speaking of which, they can tell something is up and they're being really quiet right now. I guess this is what's called the calm before the storm.

"Giles called earlier and there's a group of low level demons stirring up trouble and they're the perfect thing for practice," I tell her and she doesn't look as mad now. She's still irritated that I didn't talk with her about it first, that I can see clearly in her eyes, but she's trying to control her anger so her face is a little more relaxed. Today must have been a good day for her at the shop or else she wouldn't be this in control right now. And trust me you have no idea how grateful I am for that right now. "I was going to take Matthew with us but I'll give you three guesses where he is right now and the first two don't count."

FPOV

"Please tell me you're joking," I tell her but it was pointless. I can tell by the pissed off look on her face and how tense her shoulders are that she's far from joking. That kid has been turning into her more and more every day and it's really started to get on my fucking nerves. But I'm not going to bring that up 'cause I really don't want to get into a fight right now. I had a pretty awesome day at work and don't wanna ruin that feeling. Anyway, she lets out an irritated sigh and shakes her head no. She's been having a hard time with Mattie acting like this. I don't know why but it's really getting to her. She's gotten better about talking to me about the stuff that bothers her but she won't open up about this. I don't wanna push the issue and make her feel like I'm trying to force it out of her, though, so I've left it alone for the most part.

"He snuck out his window. I don't know how long he's been gone," she says and lets out another big sigh. I think I know why this is getting to her so damn much. She used to do shit like that all the time when she was a teenager. She would sneak out late at night to patrol and to se Angel when they were still hot and heavy. Now Mattie is starting to do it to us and B knows what it's like to get a taste of her own medicine or whatever that stupid saying is. "I don't understand why he can't follow the simple rules. Go to school, get good grades, and don't sneak out of the house, especially when you're already grounded. Those aren't too hard to follow, right?" I would answer but anything I say is gonna be hella sarcastic and I don't wanna make things worse. I reach out and gentle rub her shoulders. Damn, she's so fuckin tense. I guess I better help her out since that's what good wives do.

"How about this: I'll go find Mattie and bring him back and you finish getting ready for patrol?" I ask and she gives me a weird look. I slowly run my eyes up and down her body but it's not for the reasons I usually do that. I get a little smirk on my face and she gets a look like she's anticipating something totally smart assed and possibly uncalled for. "They might be low level demons but we're still gonna need weapons." Yeah, that's right, Blondie here was about to walk out the door with nothing but the clothes on her back. B's one of the most resourceful people I know, you don't get to be one of the longest living slayers ever without resourcefulness, but she can be so dumb sometimes. But she's my B and I love her no matter what. The look she gets on her face when she realizes I'm right is so fuckin funny, but I hold back my laughter 'cause that'll just make her mad.

"Oh my God, I can't believe I forgot weapons," she says and she sounds a little freaked out. I know exactly why and I'm doing my best not to feel freaked too. She was gonna walk out the door to go patrolling with no weapons and she was going to take Addy with her. Even if these demons aren't that big of a threat shit can happen and someone could get seriously hurt. What if they ran into a pack of vamps or one of the demons from the woods decided to take a midnight stroll around town? Yeah, now you see why I got so pissed when she said she was gonna take Addy with her without even talking to me about it first. She's the one who said we should always decide to take one of the kids together and now she's breaking her own damn rule. "I think I'm losing my mind." I lean in and give her a sweet kiss on the lips to try and make her feel better. She practically purrs so I'd say it worked a little.

"That's alright. The asylum's not far from here. I'd make sure to visit on weekends," I tell her and she gives me another little slap on the ass. It never fails to amaze me how we still joke around with each other like this. It's like after all these years together we've matured and grown and we're almost completely different people from the ones we were even just ten years ago. But we're also immature as fuck and have so much fun getting under each other's skin. Even in the middle of all this shit; Mattie takin off and these demons trying to end the world, we can still joke around like there's nothing else going on. It's a really great feeling and I hope I never lose it 'cause that'll be a really sad and fucked up day.

"Can you drop Joseph off at Dawn's before you go looking for Matthew?" she asks and she sounds like she's almost all better. She doesn't sound pissed and she doesn't sound sad, but she doesn't sound happy like she did on the phone today. Yeah, sometimes during the day I'll start to miss B so I'll call her just to talk about nothin in particular just so I can hear her voice. You wanna keep your mouth shut about it or you want your face rearranged? Yeah, that's what I thought. "I told him he could have a sleepover since we probably won't be back until really late." I was wondering why he had a backpack with him. We both decided that Joey's too young to take out on patrol, and that's a rule neither one of us would break, especially without talking it over first.

"Yeah, I can do that. I'll drop Mattie off there too. Havin the house to himself would just be a reward." I can't believe he took off like that. He's been ditching school but he hasn't been sneaking out of the house. At least, not that we know of. Great, now I'm gonna drive myself fuckin crazy wondering if he's taking off in the middle of the night then sneaking back into his bed before we wake him up for school. I knew having a teenage boy was gonna be hard 'cause of all the hormones and shit, but I never thought he'd rebel like this. Alright, so the thought crossed my mind a couple of times but I thought he'd just turn into a slacker, not a rule breaker. But whatever, not much we can do about it 'cause it's not like we can control his mind. I give her another sweet kiss on the lips and she lets out a little sigh. You have no fuckin idea how much I love that sound.

"Come on, Joey, I'm gonna take you over to Aunt Dawn's," I say when the kiss ends and B gives me a little smile. I know that smile all too well. That smile has a promise behind it and now I really wanna get this patrol over with so I can come back here and really take B's mind off of everything the right way. "Addy, help Mom get ready for patrol, ok?" I try not to sound too bossy 'cause that will put the kids in a crappy mood faster than almost anything else. Going to bed early is the number one thing that will make them whine and bitch. Sometimes I can't really help it, though. I get into "slayer mode" and I turn into a little bit of a hard-ass. Addy understands it a little now that she's older, but Joey's still too young to really get why I act like I do sometimes.

"Mama," he says and runs over to me. Great, he sounds all whiney. Please don't let this be a night when all he wants is to be around Buffy. He's getting better about it and he doesn't follow her around night and day anymore, but there are some days when I try to do something for him and he whines 'cause he wants Buffy to do it. It's a fucked up situation 'cause not only is it really fuckin annoying when he whines, but it makes me feel rejected. You have no idea how fucked up it is to feel jealous of your wife 'cause your own kid doesn't want you to hug him or help him tie his shoes or help him out of the bathtub or tuck him in at night. I think I might be getting a little bit of a complex. "How come I never get to go slaying? I'm a strong slayer too." Poor boy feels left out. I feel bad for him but he's way too fuckin young to put at risk.

"I know you're strong, Moose," I tell him and open the door. He walks out in front of me like I wanted him too and I let out a little sigh. Dawn's house is only a couple blocks from here and I have a pretty good idea where Mattie is so I don't need to take the car. Why waste gas when you can walk on a clear night like this? Besides it'll give me a chance to think about what I'm gonna tell him when I see him. Otherwise I might over react and shit. "You're strong like Donkey Kong." I said that loud enough for B to hear and sure enough as I shut the door I hear her let out a very annoyed sigh. She hates it when I say that 'cause he's starting to say it all the time and it really bugs her. And if you haven't noticed, I like annoying B a little. It keeps her on her toes. "But you can't go slaying yet. You haven't had enough training." That's only part of the reason.

"But it's not fair," he says and damn if he didn't sound like me when I was little. I used to beg my dad to get me a puppy but my mom didn't want one. Guess she didn't want any more responsibility. She already had enough trouble trying to keep the neighbors from seeing her throw out the empty booze bottles. "I'm the only one that doesn't get to go slaying." That's true, we've taken Mattie and Addy slaying before. Not at the same time 'cause we like to be able to keep our focus on one kid at a time, but maybe when they're older we'll go on family slaying outings or something. Oh man, if the fuckwads at the old council could see us now. They used to preach to us about slayers being loners and how it's not safe to have friends or family 'cause they become a liability and demons and shit will use that against us.

"I know you are, little man, but that's just the way it is," I tell him and take a look around. The vamps and demons would be fuckin crazy to come this close to our house but it's happened before. Most of 'em know that if they come near the place I live with my kids they're gonna get tortured way before I kill 'em and put their body somewhere kinda public to leave a message to the rest of the demons. Yeah, I know it's kinda sick and totally fucked but that Ciaos demon had it coming. That fucker was so nasty too. I didn't think I was ever gonna get that slime outta my jacket. Some demons we don't mind havin around 'cause they're not as evil as the rest. Like Clem. I guess he and B used to get along before Sunnydale became a crater and about eight months ago he stopped by for a little visit. "Your bones still aren't big enough and they might get broken." We figure at ten they're strong enough to handle fighting a vampire or weak demon.

"But Mama, I drink milk and eat vegetables _every_ day and Mom said if I do that then I'll be strong enough to go slaying," he says and he isn't whining anymore but he sounds a little pissed off. I guess he feels like he's been lied to and I can't blame him for feeling that way 'cause I totally would too. I hate it when Buffy uses slaying as a bribe to get him to do stuff 'cause this is what happens. He gets it into his head that if he does it he'll get to go and then we have to deal with the whining when we tell him no. I'm gonna have to talk to her about that. Only, ya know, in a nice way or she'll think I'm telling her what to do instead of asking and that'll cause a fight. She's kind of sensitive about that stuff.

"That stuff will help make you strong enough to go slaying but you're not old enough yet," I tell him and we're finally at Dawn's house. It was only a five minute walk but it felt longer. Not just 'cause Joey is being a little whine tit but because I really wanna go find Mattie. He broke more than just the school's rules of not leaving campus at lunch until you're a senior and all that bullshit. Now he's breaking my rules and sneaking off. He didn't even have the decency to wait until we were asleep. He's got a lot of balls, I'll give him that. "And you get to have a sleep over at Aunt Dawn's, so stop whining." He lets out a little huff and I can't help but roll my eyes. I think I need to start taking him with me to the shop on weekends. He's starting to act way too much like Buffy and not in a good way. Just don't tell her I said that or I'll have my ass handed to me.

Huh, that's weird. There's a car in the driveway that I don't recognize. I hope she isn't busy doing something important. I probably should've called first. She and that boyfriend of hers are starting to get more serious so I really fuckin hope we're not interrupting anything. I don't need to get chewed out by Dawn 'cause I'm being a cock-block by askin her to watch my kid. That would really fuckin suck 'cause even though I'm a slayer Dawn scares the shit outta me. I know it sounds retarded but she can be really fuckin intimidating when she wants to be. She gets that from her mom, same as her sister. Anyway, I ring the doorbell and Joey holds onto my hand. I look down at him and smile but he isn't looking at me. He has a thing about waiting for someone to answer the door. It makes him really nervous for some reason. When the door opens and Dawn sees us she doesn't look irritated or annoyed. She's got a big smile on her face and I think she's a little drunk.

"Hey Faith," she says with a big dopey smile. "Hey little big man." She leans down and wraps Joey up in a big hug. She starts tickling his ribs and he now he's squealing like you wouldn't believe. He's just as bad as Buffy when it comes to being tickled. It's one of my favorite things about them. She leaves a kiss on his check and stands back up. I get a little whiff of her and I can't help but roll my eyes. I take it back she's not drunk, just in a really good mood from getting fucked already. She's lucky I'm the one who dropped Joey off or Buffy would be all over her ass right now with questions. It doesn't matter how old Dawn is or the fact that she's a mom too, B's never gonna think she's old enough to be having sex. I guess it's just a sister thing. "So what's up? Did Giles call you too and warn about the end of the world as we know it?" I can't help but chuckle at that.

"Yeah, something like that. The way B said he was acting it sounds like he wants us patrolling yesterday." She laughs a little and shakes her head 'cause he knows how Giles can get whenever there's something demony going on. He still thinks this shit is a big deal but for us it's just another Friday night in Lincoln. Well, not so much here 'cause we don't live on a hellmouth but if I had money for every time the world was about to end I'd never have to work again. Man that would be fuckin sweet to never have to deal with retarded suppliers ever again. If only. "But the demons aren't that big of a deal so we're gonna take Addy with us so she can get in some practice. You think you can take Joey for the night?"

"Sure, that's not a problem. Eric is spending the night tonight," she says with a dreamy smile on her face. Oh man, she's got it bad. She's really fuckin lucky B isn't here or she'd be getting an earful, that's for fuckin sure. She moves out of the way and Joey goes barreling through the doorway and runs into the house. He loves spending time with his cousins 'cause they don't make him play games he doesn't really wanna play like his sister does. He whined about wanting to go patrol and tomorrow when he's picked up he's gonna whine because he wants to stay. Kids are weird like that, and he's a really weird one.

"Think you can make some room for Mattie?" I ask and she gets another confused look on her face 'cause Mattie's old enough to stay home by himself. Well, I guess in theory he is 'cause we used to be able to do that, but since he's been sneaking off like a little punk he can't be left by himself. I'm not really afraid of him sneaking out while we're gone 'cause that would be retarded. It's who he would invite over that I'm worried about. I know you're probably thinkin I'm paranoid or whatever, but you have no idea how bad it's getting so why don't you keep your snobby judgments to yourself? "He snuck off and we don't wanna leave him home alone. Having the house to yourself isn't exactly punishment, ya know?"

"Ah," she says and she gets this look on her face that I can't really describe. I guess she's remembering all the times she snuck out of her bedroom when she was a teenager. Things were different for her though. She was doing it because she was acting out for attention and all that shit because B came back from the dead and didn't want to be alive. Mattie's doing it just to do it and it's really starting to piss me off. Alright, so I guess it's a little more complicated than that and I'll admit I used to do almost the same thing when I was his age. "Yeah, he can stay over. And since he's being a little rule breaker, I'll make sure he doesn't get any hot cocoa with the rest of us." I can't help laugh at that.

"Brat, he's not five. I really don't think he's going to care if you don't give him any cocoa," I tell her and she gets this look on her face like I have no idea what I'm talking about. Usually, I hate it when people look at me like that because it's right before they say something really fuckin patronizing. Ok, so not really people, it's mostly my dad that does it. But is it so fuckin wrong to want to be treated like an adult every once in a while when I'm around him? He still thinks I'm eight or something and it gets really fuckin old really fast. I don't say anything to him though 'cause I think that would just make matters worse. I think that's how it is with all parents. It doesn't matter how grown up you are you're still their kid and they treat you like it 'cause they don't know how else to treat you.

"Hey, my hot cocoa is awesome. I have a secret ingredient," she says and gives me that "Dawn look". Ya know the one, when she crosses her arms over her chest and looks like she's the most badass person on the planet. She's been doin that shit ever since she was a kid and it's the reason why I call her brat, 'cause she totally looks like one right now. All I do is raise my eyebrow 'cause I know she knows that's my silent way of asking a question. We know each other pretty fuckin well, that's for sure. We bonded a lot back in Shasta Lake after the collapse of Sunnydale. When B was busy with the Scoobies planning the future of the council Dawn and I were in the apartment watching cartoons and eating Cocoa Puffs. "A little bit of chocolate liqueur goes a long way." What the fuck? "Oh my God, you should see your face! I only put the liqueur in mine." What a boozehound.

"Whatever, just don't be getting drunk in front of my kid," I tell her and she smacks on me the arm a little bit. She may joke around about it but she'd never get smashed in front of my kids. Mostly 'cause she knows I'd hand her ass to her if I ever found out. "Well I better get goin. Every second I'm here is a second Mattie is out there doin God knows what, ya know?" She nods her head a little and she has a guilty look on her face. I guess that's because she used to sneak out late at night too. "See ya Brat. Bye Joey, I love you!" I yell as loud as I can 'cause who knows where he is right now. He yells it back but he sounds distracted. I guess he and his cousins are already playing a game or something. Anyway, Dawn says bye and I walk off.

I know exactly where to go, it's not like this kid has a lot of hiding places or anything. This town is really small and he didn't steal B's car so he couldn't have gone to Vegas 'cause the buses stopped running about an hour ago. Then again, B said she doesn't know how long he's been gone. Fuck, son of a bitch, now I have to worry about him running off to Vegas and getting into a lot of trouble. I don't think my son would get involved in anything dangerous like drugs or whatever, but you never know. When I was a teenager, I did all sorts of shit. But it was different. I wasn't taking drugs just for something to do. I was trying to escape my shitty life. I don't think Mattie would do that 'cause he doesn't have a shitty life. If he does decide to experiment, I know exactly who B is gonna blame it on, so let's hope he doesn't try anything.

It doesn't take me long to get to his normal hangout spot. Like I said, this is a pretty small town and I was walking really fast. I wanna get him back to Dawn's so I can go slaying. I think after the day I had beating up on some scumbags trying to end the world is just what I need to get rid of this frustration. Well, that and taking B home afterwards and having my way with her. Or letting her have her way with me. I kinda feel like getting fucked tonight. It's a feeling I don't get often 'cause I like being on top but after dealing with all this bullshit I just want someone else to be in charge, ya know? And I trust B completely to do that without hurting me. Well, a little bit of pain is alright but she knows when to stop.

Anyway, I walk up to the little clubhouse that Mattie built with his friend when they were like, twelve or some shit like that. If I knew this was going to turn into a different type of clubhouse, I never would have let him build it. Ok, I would have let him build it, but I would have hesitated and I wouldn't have asked my dad to help. That's probably why this thing has lasted so long, it's basically a miniature house without the furniture or electricity or running water. What the place does is give Mattie and his friends a quiet place to hang out and be alone. That's not the problem. I don't care if he wants to hang out with just his friends. A kid needs time with just their buddies, ya know? But what he's doing right now is completely different.

I walk up as quiet as I can 'cause I wanna see what he snuck out of the house to do. I really don't think it's going to be anything bad like B keeps thinking, but at the same time he is a teenage boy so you never know. I duck down and look through the little window by the door. He should have sensed me by now 'cause his slayer senses are really fuckin strong, but I guess he's too distracted. And here is the reason why my boy has been breaking all the fuckin rules lately. He's sitting on the floor with his back to the wall since the clubhouse is too small for furniture. He has his arm wrapped around his girlfriend and they're making out like there's no fuckin tomorrow. That's right ladies and gents. My boy has been acting this crazy because he's in love. It all makes sense now, huh? He isn't just some hormonal teenager acting out or whatever.

And what young thing has got my boy totally under her spell? Brooklyn Andrews, the slayer from Cleveland that was killing men on the street. Xander and Lily moved here to Lincoln a while back so now slayers from the school can come here during the school year instead of just the summer when I have time to train them. Giles thought it would be good for her to spend some time with Lily since she's really good with the rogue types. Ever since she came here they've been head over heels. At first Mattie didn't tell us they were dating, but then I caught them making out at the training center and they were so busted. I think it's sweet that they're together but B doesn't think so. She doesn't think Brooke is good enough for Mattie, but I think she'd think that about any girl he liked. Now, if I can just get them apart without causing a big scene. Yeah fuckin right. I'd have better luck pulling a grizzly bear's teeth with my bare hands and no anesthetic.

I get up from my little hiding spot and practically kick the fuckin door in. They jump back away from each other and they both look like they're ready to kill. They're slayers, I wouldn't expect anything less. I am kinda surprised that they didn't feel me sneakin up on 'em but they were caught in a moment. Sometimes it's hard to pay attention to shit like that when all you think about is the girl in your arms or the guy with his arms around you. I never really got like that with guys 'cause I just used 'em, but I get like that all the time with B. We get caught making out in the kitchen more then you'd think. The kids make fun of us but they always got a little smirk when they tease 'cause deep down I know they like seeing me and B all touchy feely 'cause it means we're happy. Anyway, back to what's going on right fuckin now.

"Hey, I didn't know you two were having a party. Next time you should send out some e-vites," I tell 'em and I sound like such a fuckin smart ass. I walk in but I have to duck down because this place was built for twelve year olds so the ceiling doesn't go very high. I walk over to their little stereo and shut it off. Mattie looks so pissed and Brooke looks embarrassed but I really don't give a shit. I'm glad she has some humility left in her. After living out on the streets and doing god knows what with god knows who I woulda thought she'd be hardened more than that. Kinda like I was when I was teenager. Only, I was really ashamed, I just did everything I could to hide it and act proud.

"Alright, here's how this shit is gonna go," I say and I don't sound like I'm joking around anymore. They crossed a line and they need to know that. I don't want my boy sneaking out at night to see this chick. I don't care how awesome she is or how great of a kisser she is, his grades are slipping and I'm not gonna let him fuck up his life for a high school sweetheart. Not no way, not no how. "Brooke, tomorrow I want you up at the ass crack of dawn and we're going to do a little one-on-one training. If you have time to sneak out of the training house then we aren't working you hard enough. Mattie, you're sleeping over at Aunt Dawn's tonight and tomorrow when I pick you up, you aren't leaving the house for a month except to go to school." He looks pissed, but he doesn't say anything. I guess he isn't so stupid after all.

"You're both going to stop this sneaking around bullshit. You're dating and that's great, but that doesn't mean you get to do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want. When Matt's punishment is over you guys can go on date's and shit just like all the other boys and girls at your school, but it's only gonna be on the weekends." Brooke looks down at her lap and she looks pretty sad. I get it, I really do. She finally found someone she can trust and she wants to be with him all the time, but this shit has got to stop. She's fucking up my boy's life even though she doesn't know it. That's why I'm not being mean to her or bitching her out more than what's called for, but this shit has got to end. I look Mattie dead in the eyes for this next part. "If you two keep sneaking off to see each other and if you don't stop ditching school and get your fucking grades up then Brooke is going back to Cleveland."

"You can't do that!" he yells and stands up. He's a little taller than I am so he has to duck down too, but I don't care how tall he is there's no way this kid is ever gonna intimidate me. He's my son, I know how to handle him even if he is wicked strong. "She's here because she needs to be trained by someone better than the teachers at the school. You can't just send her back and let her rot at that place because you're mad at me." Ok, so I wasn't expecting that. I thought I was going to get an ear full of 'you can't send her back, we love each other and nothing is going to change that!' or some melodramatic shit like that. He actually cares about her training and rehab so that's good. I can use that.

"I can and I fuckin will if you don't get your shit together. You think this is the only training house for slayers that need extra help? There's four more all over the world and all it's gonna take is a phone call to Grandpa Giles and she'll be in Tokyo or Italy or New York or Sydney." My voice sounds so fuckin sharp and I hate it. I hate that this conversation has to happen because I hate giving out ultimatums like this. "Look, I don't want to be the bad guy here, but you guys have been fuckin up. I want you to be able to see each other and be happy but you have to get good grades and you have to stop breaking the rules we set up for you. We didn't raise you this way, Matt, and I'm not gonna let you slip now." He doesn't look as pissed but he's not gonna be happy anytime soon, that's for fuckin sure.

"I'll wait outside for a minute so you two can say goodnight, ok?" I ask and they nod their heads. Brooke stands up and she doesn't have to duck down. That girl is so damn short. Mattie just had to pick someone from the Lollipop Guild to date. Well, it's not like I have room to talk. I married someone who's almost too short to ride some of the roller coasters at the Adventuredome because she barely reaches the 'must be this tall to ride' line. Anyway, so I walk outside to give them a little privacy. I may not know for sure what young love feels like because I never had it, but I know that the first few months with B was really fuckin intense and if someone tried to separate us like I'm doing with them I probably would've broken their fuckin arms. But that doesn't really matter. I'm not saying they can't see each other or anything like that. They just gotta start behaving and everything will go back to being peachy. Here's hoping.

BPOV

Sometimes I forget just how frustrating Faith can be. We've been together for so long that all of her little habits I used to think were really irritating, like drinking orange juice out of the container or not cleaning off the toilet seat after she trims her pubes, I just sort of got used to. But the way she's acting right now is so annoying and I have a very strong feeling she's doing it on purpose. I know she likes to mess with me. Hell, sometimes she still plays pranks on me like she used to do all the time when we were younger. Just the other day she put a fake spider in my cereal box and I almost had a heart attack. But what she's doing right now is more annoying than her pranks or bad habits.

"Babe, it's not that big of a deal," she says and twirls her stake around like a drumstick. She totally stole that move from me, but I'm not going to say anything because we have more important things to talk about right now. Like the fact that she won't take this conversation seriously. We've been patrolling for over an hour and a half now and she's been acting like this the whole time. She was a little more serious the first fifteen minutes but only because she thought something was following us. I scoff a little and she just gives me a sideways glance. She hates it when I do that, which is why I did it.

"What? Of course it's a big deal," I tell her and I don't sound happy at all. I don't sound pissed off or anything because I'm not trying to start a fight. I just wish she would agree with me at least a little bit, but no. She's trying to be all cool and laid back about this and it's really aggravating. I'm not sure if she's acting like this because she's in total denial or if she's trying to keep up that stupid reputation she's been trying to hold onto lately. Either way it's really starting to get on my nerves. "Our son is acting like a little delinquent and it's all that girl's fault. She has him under some kind of spell." I wouldn't put it passed her to use magic. I think I'm going to have Willow look into it.

"Yeah, it's called being pretty," Faith says and I can tell by her tone she thinks I'm kind of crazy for acting this way. So maybe I am a little crazy for freaking out this much, but it's my oldest son we're talking about here. He's going to grow up to be someone really important and powerful and what he doesn't need is a major distraction getting in the way. And this girl is a major distraction. His grades are slipping because he's been sneaking off to be with her. How is he going to get into a good college with a C average? "Come on, B, we both know you're really just pissy 'cause he gets this crap from you." I cannot believe she just said that! I smack her on the arm and she looks over at me like I just called her the 'c word'. "Ow, cut it with the domestic violence."

"Oh please, we both know you totally deserved that." She rolls her eyes and then slowly scans the area. "Besides, what I used to do and what he's doing now are completely different." She looks over at me with a raised eyebrow and a cocky half smirk and I know exactly what that means. She's questioning what I just said and possibly my sanity. "I was the only slayer at the time, Faith. There was a good chance I wasn't going to make it see twenty-four. When you're living on borrowed time like that you get to break the rules a little. But Matthew isn't the only slayer so he doesn't have an excuse to break the rules." She nods her head a little and I kinda can't believe she just agreed with me. That's the first time she's done that all night.

"Mom," Addison says and she sounds totally annoyed. I look over at her and her shoulders look really tense. Yep, she's definitely annoyed. To be honest I sort of forgot she was with us. She's been unusually quiet the whole time. I guess she's been focusing on looking for the demons like I should be too, but I just can't make my mind focus. "Demons are trying to end the world." Damn, she sounds so serious. I have to bite the insides of my cheeks to stop myself from laughing. This is the first time we've taken Addison slaying for more than just newbie vampires, so she's being very serious. Giles would be proud. "I think that's more important than brother sneaking off to kiss a girl." I look over at Faith with a glare so strong it could probably burn the skin off a hellhound.

"Faith, you didn't tell me they were kissing," I say and now I sound pissed. She gives me a look that I can't really describe but I know it means she thinks I'm totally crazy. I can't help but be this way. I worry about Matthew all the time and if he's sneaking off to make out with that girl then just imagine what else they could be doing. Ew, no I don't want to imagine what else they could be doing. I think I need to have a talk with my son tomorrow. I know the last thing a kid wants to do is talk with their parent about…this subject, but I think it needs to happen. "Why didn't you tell me they were kissing?" She keeps giving me that look and I think I might smack her on the arm again.

"B, they're teenagers and they're dating. That kinda goes without saying," she says and ok she totally has a point. I just don't like the thought of my son sneaking off to see this girl when he's in trouble. Yeah, if it's a Saturday night and they're out on a date then I expect kissing to take place, but the majority of the time whenever he sees her is when he sneaks off. And they always go to that little clubhouse he and his friends built when they were younger. Is he ashamed of her or something? Does he not want to be seen with her in public or is it the other way around? Oh my god, that's probably it. She's ashamed of my son and doesn't want to be seen with him. What a little hussy.

"B, calm down," Faith says and grabs onto my arm. We stop walking and she turns me until I'm facing her. She looks really concerned and I don't blame her. My emotions have been all over the place tonight. Ok, so not really all over the place, they've been in one place and getting worse as time goes by. She reaches out and gently strokes my cheek. "The vein in your neck is gonna pop." I take in a deep breath and wait a couple seconds before exhaling very slowly. Now that I'm paying attention my heart is beating very quickly. "Addy, why don't you go patrol over by that tree?" It wasn't a question and Addison knows it. She isn't happy about it, though, because she's mumbling under her breath and she only does that when she's really mad.

"Babe," she says in that voice that kinda drives me crazy. It sounds like she's talking to a cornered animal that's either about to make a run for it or bite her face off in self defense. She gets that voice with me whenever she thinks I'm about to have some kind of breakdown. I guess considering how I've been acting tonight I shouldn't be surprised she thinks I'm going to flip out at any second. "This isn't just about Mattie sneakin off to be with his girlfriend, is it?" Great, I hate it when she gets all…insightful; mostly because she's right a lot of the time. "What else is bothering you?" She wraps her arms around my waist and looks into my eyes. I'm trying as hard as I can to avoid her eye contact but I can't help myself.

"I just feel like I'm not doing a good job as a parent. I've stopped the world from ending, I can do a roundhouse kick like nobody's business, but I can't get through to him. A part of me feels like we should just leave him alone. It's a parent's job to raise their kid to be strong and independent and now that he's being independent we're punishing him for it. At the same time I'm frustrated and angry because he isn't listening to us and his grades are slipping and we can't even keep him in the house when he's grounded. How the hell are we supposed to stop him from doing what he wants when that's what we've taught him to do?" I feel out of breath after saying all of that and it must show because I can tell Faith is trying not to smile.

"B," she says and wraps her arms around my waist. I can tell by the sound of her voice that she's trying not to laugh at me. With the way I'm feeling right now if she did laugh at me it would probably start a fight. And by probably I mean I would push her off of me, and storm off and not talk to her for the rest of the night. But she's making an effort so I don't get mad. I did sound like men in white coats are going to jump out of the bushes with giant butterfly nets and try to drag me off to the insane asylum. "I think you're over-thinking this too much. He's not trying at act independent. He's a teenage boy who wants to spend some alone time with a pretty teenage girl. He's stubborn, he always has been. That's why he's being such a douche." She's right. He does take after her in the stubborn department. "Are you ok now? You're starting to freak Addy out." Oh whatever. I know exactly why she wants me calm.

"Yeah, right," I say and roll my eyes. She gets this confused look on her face and I can't really blame her. I'm acting totally different now and maybe she thinks I am going completely crazy. "You're just trying to make sure you're going to get laid tonight." She gets this look on her face like she's completely shocked and can't believe I would say something like that. It only lasts about five seconds and I guess she decided to drop the act. She gets a little smirk on her face and I can't help but laugh. "You are so predictable." The smirk on her face gets a little bigger and my stomach gets a fluttery feeling. I know what that smirk means. Well, I know what it could mean, but I highly doubt she's going to push me up against that tree and have her way with me. Any other night she probably would, but Addison is here.

"Not totally predictable, B," she says and she starts to lightly kiss my neck. Ok, I'll admit, I totally didn't expect her to do that. She gently sucks on my pulse point and I can't help the little moan that escapes the back of my throat. I hate that she has so much control over my body, but that's the way it's always been between us and I hope it never changes. I feel her smile against my skin and she pulls back and gives me a little wink. "See? I'm totally spontaneous. It helps keep ya young." She gives me a slap on the ass and before I can retaliate she jumps away from me and jogs off towards Addison. She's safe for now, but I'll have revenge on her later. Oh yes, Faith, you will pay.

"Mom, hurry up or we're going to leave without you!" I hear Addison yell and I can't help the little smile that crosses my face. I know you probably think she sounded a little bitchy but she wasn't. She sounded like she was trying hard not to laugh and it's because Faith is tickling her armpits. Addison has very ticklish armpits and the sound of her voice when she's trying not to laugh always puts a smile on my face. Especially now because they're starting to get along a lot better than they used to. Addison and Faith's relationship was always…rocky at best, but they haven't been fighting as much over the last two or three months. When they do argue it gets pretty intense but it hasn't been happening as often which is great.

"Wait for me, you two," I yell back and run after them. I can't believe they were walking off without me. They're too much alike for their own good. That's probably why they have such a hard time getting along, but when they do get along they're just like this. They act all buddy-buddy and sometimes that isn't a good thing for me. When I catch up with them Faith has a big smirk on her face and Addison is trying not to laugh. I tickle her ribs and she lets out this really girly giggle and it puts a big smile on my face. "I can't believe you just left me back there all by myself. What if one of the demons attacked me?" I might as well mess with her a little bit. She looks up at me and one of her eyebrows is raised. That is a Faith face if I ever saw one.

"I thought you were the best slayer in the whole world? Everyone is always saying you are," she says and she still has that look on her face. Oh my god, she is getting more and more like Faith every single day. I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when she's a teenager. She's not wearing anything leather. I'll put a stop to that before it even gets started. I can't help but get a little smile on my face. People really tell her I'm the best slayer in the whole world? I glance over at Faith and she rolls her eyes a little. I guess she knows I'm starting to get a big head over this. But I'm not. It's not like I'm bragging about it or anything. If other people think I'm the best, who am I to try and stop them from thinking that? "That's what the girls at the training house say. Lily says they're wrong, she thinks Mama is the best." Well, isn't that just great?

"I'm sure Lily just has a case of hero worship," I say before I can stop myself. Well that wasn't very nice, was it? I look over at Faith but she doesn't look mad. She has a little smirk on her face and she's looking at me with that know it all look on her face. She totally knows that I got a little jealous but I'm not going to say anything 'cause if I do it'll just prove her right. And I'm totally not jealous that Lily thinks Faith is better than me. Nope, not jealous at all. Sure, Faith was the first person she could really open up to and saved her from a really miserable life but I don't think she's looking at the bigger picture. I've saved the world how many times? I fought a hell god and lived to tell the tale. Well, not technically because I died and went to heaven but Willow and the gang brought me back.

"What does that mean?" Addison asks and she's looking up at me with that curious look on her face. Her eyebrows are kind of knit together and her head is cocked to the side a little. Faith says she looks just like me when she makes that face but I don't really see it. And I have to start remembering to watch what I say in front of her because she has ears like a wolf and she isn't afraid to ask questions. Ok, I admit that she gets that from me. But it's good to ask questions. I was able to figure out that the Initiative was up to no good just because I asked what they thought were too many questions. Well, that and I got too close to Riley and Professor Walsh went kinda crazy.

"Nothing, sweetie. I was just making one of my lame jokes." She nods her head like she couldn't agree more. My jokes aren't that lame, are they? But don't all kids think they're parents are lame? So really there's no way I can win with her because even if I was being funny she wouldn't admit it. Ok, I might as well change the subject before she starts talking about how lame I really am because there's only so much ego-bruising I can take in one night. "So, how did you do on your spelling test today?" She lets out a little sigh and I can't help but smile. She isn't looking at me so she doesn't know otherwise I would fight to hold it back so she wouldn't start bitching. She can be a little bitchy when she thinks we're not taking her seriously.

"I missed one," she says and she lets out another little sigh. She takes her homework and spelling tests very seriously. She likes to get everything right and when she doesn't, she gets a little upset. I like the fact that she wants to get good grades but she puts a lot of pressure on herself and I don't think that's entirely healthy. She's going to give herself an ulcer or something. But I'm not going to complain because this need to be perfect is going to get her into Harvard or Yale and she's going to get a great job. "I forgot if the word extravagant has an 'a' at the end or an 'e', so I guessed and put an 'e'. I got a ninety-nine percent but I didn't get a sticker and today Ms. Halfhide had stickers that look like the Superman symbol but they were pink and I really wanted one." Ok, so maybe she isn't really concerned about getting good grades, but she will when she's older and fully understands how important they are.

"Tell you what, Addy, you slay a demon tonight and I'll buy you a whole book of those stickers. How does that sound?" Faith says and gently rubs the back of Addison's head. Our little girl brightens up almost instantly after she hears that and I can't help but smile. Oh yeah, tomorrow when Faith buys her a bunch of those, and probably whatever else she wants sticker-wise, she's going to be Addison's favorite person for a while. "You'll just have to…hide them from your brother for a couple days or he'll get all jealous." She sounded totally distracted when she said that and I know why. I can feel the base of my spine tingling, which means there's a demon or vampire nearby. I don't know if it's the demons we're looking for because I haven't spotted anything yet, but I'm sure it'll be our guys.

We're at the funeral home on the edge of town near the open desert. We thought we'd look at the places they're less likely to be first just to get them out of the way. Giles said they probably wouldn't be at the funeral homes and I haven't read in anything in the newspapers about a child dying and I haven't heard anything on the nightly news. Even if they're not the demons we're looking for we might as well slay them and get it over with. Like I always say: one less creepy demon or vamp that gangs out around funeral homes in the world, the better. Ok, so I never say that, but that's not important right now. Anyway, I look over at Faith and she looks into my eyes. She motions her head towards the right so that's the side she wants me to take. I l glance down at Addison and look back at Faith with a questioning look and she nods her head.

I lightly touch Addison on the shoulder and she looks up at me. Her slayer senses are tingling too because she's dead quiet and she has a very serious look on her face. I make the same motion with my head that Faith did but Addison furrows her eyebrows and shakes her head no. Before I can protest she holds onto Faith's hand and walks off with her. Is this really fucked up feeling of rejection the same feeling Faith gets whenever Joseph gets clingy with me? If it is then I need to give Faith a hug when this is all over because I don't know how she can stand feeling this way. Oh well, I don't have time to dwell on it. I walk around to the right like Faith wanted and I see them disappear around the other side of the building and my heart starts beating a little faster. I trust Faith to keep our baby safe, but you never what could be on the other side of the building and what if she can't?

I peak around the corner of the building and I see five demons. Three little ones about my height and two huge ones. The bigger ones look kind of familiar but I can't remember where I saw them before. Was it here in Lincoln? No, I think I would remember something that happened that recently. I don't think it was in Northern California because we never saw demons like that. So it was probably in Sunnydale. Wherever it was, I'm getting a bad feeling about this. I think we fucked up by bringing Addison here. She's just a kid and we haven't been training her as much as we should because we want her to be able to be a kid. We don't want to turn her into a weapon just yet. I think maybe a couple of extra sparring sessions would have really come in handy because these guys are making my stomach churn.

I see Faith peak out from around the other corner and her expression looks just like mine right now. Giles didn't say there would be huge demons that look like they can beat the crap out of us. Giles said that the demons are weak and cowards and it shouldn't take us long to kill them once we find them. If Giles gets the information wrong then how are we supposed to do our jobs? Ok, enough whining. I can't change how things have turned out and getting mad at Giles because the demons are smarter than we thought isn't going to help or change anything. So I need to adapt. That's how I've been able to stay alive all of these years. I'm awesome at adapting to my surroundings and finding things in the environment to use as a weapon. At least that's what Willow told all of the new slayers when she used to teach.

I see Addison step out on the other side of Faith so she can see too. Without even looking Faith puts her hand on her shoulder and pushes her back behind the building. Normally I would smile but right now this is so not a time to smile. We watch the demons and the smaller ones take a crowbar and break the lock on the door. Once they get it open they run inside and the two bigger demons stand on either side of the door with their arms crossed. Great, they hired body guards. And Giles said they're not smart. Ok, stay calm, this isn't Giles' fault. Sure, I'm going to give him hell about this later because I'm so scared that something bad is going to happen to my baby girl because these two huge demons are sending off warning bells in my mind like you wouldn't believe, but it isn't Giles' fault.

I hear something break the relative silence and I think my heart just stopped beating. It sounded like a sneeze and the demons heard it too because they're walking over towards the side of the building where Faith and Addison are hiding. Shit, shit, shit! We should have left her at Dawn's house! Why the fuck did I think this would be a good opportunity for her to get in some training? These demons are trying to end the world so of course they're not going to be acting normally. They hired body guards for God's sake. Or maybe they're not body guards. Maybe these guys really want to end the world and they're making the Atokda demons do the dirty work for them. Either way I need to distract them and right freakin now.

"Hey!" I yell and step out from behind the building. They stop walking and turn around. They both look a little confused but that doesn't make them look any less dangerous. I need to think of something quick. I can't just attack them because they could gang up and beat me to death and that's not an option. Think, think you idiot! "Do either of you know how to get to Peach Street from here? I'm not from around here and I think I'm a little lost." Ok, that wasn't the cleverest plan in the history of the world but at least they're walking towards me and away from my wife and child. I get into a fighting stance without making it obvious because you never know. They could be coming over here to talk, or they could be coming over here to rip my head off my shoulders and drink my spinal fluid. It's anyone's guess at this point.

"This isn't a directory service, little girl. Why don't you run along before the big, bad monsters get hungry?" the one on the left asks. I have to admit, that was a little intimidating but I'm not going to show that they're getting to me. Now that they're closer they look even more familiar. I try as hard as I can to stay focused on their faces but I can see Faith sneaking up behind them and I really want to yell at her to run away because this isn't going to be end well. I have one of those really bad feelings. They stop right in front of me and their shoulders are tense and I have to strain my neck just to look at them. This isn't good, this isn't good. Fuck, this so isn't good. I remember what they are, and it took a lot to kill the one I dealt with in Sunnydale.

"Well if you could just tell me where Peach Street is then I can be on my way, and you can go back to doing what it is you were doing," I say and try as hard as I can to sound like I'm lost, whatever that would sound like, but I don't think it's working. I can hear the worry in my voice and I think they can too. They probably think I'm afraid of them, and that's true, but not for the reasons they're probably thinking of. I'm afraid of what they'll do to my daughter if they find her. M'Fashnik demons are known for their brutality, at least that's what Giles said back in Sunnydale and the one I killed didn't go down easily. And now there are two of them and my daughter is just right around the corner. Yeah, this is a fun situation to be in.

"I gave you a warning, little girl," the one on the left says. What the fuck is up with them calling me little? Just because I'm smaller than they are it doesn't mean I'm little. Everyone is little compared to them. You'd have to be Andre the Giant to not look little standing next to these demons. "That's the only one you're getting." He pulls his fist back and I get into a defensive stance but before he can swing he screams out in pain and falls to the ground. I see Faith standing there with a knife in her hand and it has his blood all over it. The demon is still screaming but he isn't getting up. Either he's in too much pain to recover quickly or she severed his spinal cord. Let's hope for the second one because that would make things a whole lot easier. The second demon is the first to respond, and he swings a punch towards Faith's face. She blocks it with her arm and kicks him in the knee. It barely fazes him.

I jump up and kick him in the back of the head and he stumbles forward. Faith barely manages to get out of the way. While he's still out of balance Faith kicks him in the back and he stumbles even more. Before he can recover his bearings, she reaches down and stabs him in the knee with her knife. He screams in pain and turns around quickly. He hits her with the back of his fist and he turns and she goes flying through the air and lands hard against the building. He takes a couple of steps towards her and I kick him hard in the ribs. It stops him from walking, but I don't think it hurt him. He turns towards me and I kick him in his injured knee. He yells out in pain but he's still standing. Fuck, this thing just won't go down. He swings a punch towards my head but I duck down, and punch him in his knee.

Before I can get out of the way, he grabs me back the back of my neck and throws me. When I land on the ground I slide for a few feet and then start rolling. Damn, I need to stop wearing the clothes that I like on patrol. Seriously, you'd think after doing this since I was fifteen I would know to have a separate wardrobe for slaying only. I'll have to ask Giles for workman's comp or something when this is all over. I doubt he'd go for it but there's no harm in asking, right? I get up and look over at the demon. Faith is fighting him again and she's holding him off but the odds are definitely in his favor. He outweighs us by a lot and he's really strong. But he's hurt and she just stabbed him again in his stomach. Maybe taking these guys down isn't going to be as hard as I thought.

As I run back over to help her out, Faith lands a really solid kick to the demon's knee and he falls to the ground. She pulls her knife up above her head and imbeds it deeply into the back of the demon's neck. The demon freezes and his entire body tenses. She lets go of the handle and grabs it again with her hands in better positions and she turns the knife as hard as she can. The crunching sound all of this is making is unbelievably loud and my stomach churns a little bit. The demon goes limp and falls to the ground, dead. I breathe out a little sigh, and Faith pulls her knife out and looks at the blade. It's covered in the demon's thick yellowy blood and I have a feeling it isn't going to come off.

"I think we're getting too old for this, B," she says and chuckles in between deep pants of breath. She pulls a rag out of her back pocket and starts cleaning off the blade. The blood is coming off ok, but the blade looks like its stained yellow and I know she's going to be pissed about that later because that's one of her favorite knives. Angel sent it to her a few years ago as a birthday present so it means a lot. "I thought Giles said these fuckers were supposed to be easy to kill. Man was he ever fuckin wrong." I open my mouth to tell her about the demons we just killed, well that she just killed, but before I can get a word out a loud, high-pitched scream cuts through the air. I start running as fast as I can towards the noise before I even look to see what's happening.

What I see is this: the demon that Faith took down first crawled away when we were distracted with the other one. I think he was just trying to get away instead of being killed by two slayers because Addison was hiding the whole time so I doubt he knew she was there. That doesn't fucking matter because he found her and she's kicking him in the face but he just grabbed onto her leg. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why the fuck did we think it was a good idea to bring her along? None of my kids are ever coming slaying with us again, ever. They're going to grow up and have normal lives and never think about slaying because they don't need to because of all the other slayers in the world taking of it for them.

The demon throws Addison as hard as he can and she goes flying through the air. She rolls when she hits the ground and the demon jumps to his feet. Damn, I guess Faith didn't sever his spine after all. He runs off towards her but before he can get too close I jump up and kick him in the side of the head with both of my feet. The momentum behind it made it a really hard kick and he stumbles sideways a few steps and then falls to the ground. That kick wasn't hard enough to keep him down but at least he isn't running towards my baby. Out of the corner of my eye I see Faith grab Addison by the wrist and she takes off running. I sigh a little in relief that she's taking her someplace safe instead of just telling her to run and getting back in the fight.

The demon tries to get up but I kick him hard in the ribs and he falls back down. I keep kicking him over and over again. I know it isn't a very honorable thing to do, kicking the other guy while he's down, but he hurt my baby and now he's going to pay. I keep kicking over and over and over and all I can see is the white hot rage that's boiling in my veins. I know it was our decision to teach the kids how to be slayers and that means fighting demons and that means they're going to get hurt every once in a while, but this bastard put his hand on my baby girl. Who the hell does he think he is? I reach down and unsheathe the hatchet I brought with me. Why I didn't use this earlier, I don't know. But right now isn't about criticizing me it's about killing this bastard demon.

I use my foot to roll him over onto his back and go straight for the throat. I start hacking away over and over again, it's almost like I'm cutting a piece of wood or something. If that wood had arms and claws and was scratching my shoulders like a cat with a toy. He goes limp in a few seconds but I keep hacking. I thought this demon was down for the count earlier but I was totally wrong and he hurt Addison. So I keep going until he's fully decapitated. I stand up and let out a huge breath of relief. The demon is dead, the threat is gone and…I have blood all over my clothes. So now I'm covered in demon blood, dirt, sweat, some of my own blood, and if this yellow demon blood is strong enough to stain our weapons then it's going to stain my skin. This night just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

"You're right, baby, I think we are getting too old for this," I say loudly so Faith will hear it. Hopefully she will. Our slayer hearing is still really good so she would have to be pretty far away to not hear it. I look around and I don't see her anywhere. She should know by now that the fight is over. There are no more sounds of a struggle and since I just said what I said she should know I'm done killing it. Where the hell is she? I look around and I don't see anything. She ran off towards the desert to hide behind a big rock and…wait, where's the rock? The big rock was just right out there, I know I didn't imagine it, so where the hell is it? "Faith? Addison?" I start walking off towards where I know the rock was before I completely focused on the demon but I don't see anyone or anything.

"Faith, if you're playing one of your stupid pranks it isn't funny. What, did Willow teach you an invisibility spell or something? Why didn't you use it while we were fighting those demons? That would've made things a hell of a lot easier." Still nothing but silence. I'm getting to where the rock used to be and there's still nothing. "Ha-ha, Faith, you got me. Now will you give it up already? We still have to kill those other demons before they try to end the world. We killed the body guards but not the bodies they were guarding." Great, and now I'm so frantic I'm barely making any sense. When I get to the place the rock used to be there's a hole in the ground. It's large but there's no one at the bottom. The bottom of the hole is the top of the rock and a bunch of dirt. It was either or trap or the ground just collapsed but either way they're gone. This night could not get anymore fucked up, could it?

FPOV

"We're going to die," Addy says and she sounds totally fuckin panicked. I can't blame her but at the same time this kid is so fuckin melodramatic and right now it's really annoying. "We're going to die down here." By 'here' she means wherever the fuck we just fell. That other demon crawled off without me or B seein it and he attacked Addy. I grabbed her and took off for a safe place to hide while B kicked the shit out of it. As soon as we got to the boulder to hide behind, the ground started shaking and gave in. I don't know what the fuck we're in. Some kinda mine maybe. I remembered to bring a flashlight and I can see posts and shit along the wall like you see in old mine shafts. "We're going to die down here and no one is going to find our bodies and we're going to be eaten by rats and mice and scorpions, and coyotes and all that's going to be left is a pile of bones because we're going to die."

"Addy, don't be ridiculous," I tell her and she just scoffs. She gets like this when she's really stressed out. Alright, so we've never been trapped inside some kinda mine before so I can understand why she's freaking out, but still, it really isn't helping. "There's no way coyotes would be able to get in here." She rolls her eyes and starts looking around. Maybe for a way a coyote could get in just to prove me wrong. She's just like Buffy, she has to be right all the time or she isn't happy. "Besides, we're not going to die. I'm going to find a way out of here." I can tell by the look on her face that she doesn't really believe me. She's just panicking right now but when she calms down she'll see that I'm going to find a way out. "At least we're not hurt, that's a good thing, right?" I don't know how we got through that fall without getting smashed by the boulder and all the dirt that came down on top of us but we're ok.

"No we're not. There's blood all over your face from the demon. Animals can smell blood, Mama, so they're gonna come and they're going to eat us even if we're not dead," she says and she doesn't sound bitchy like you'd think. She sounds scared and I have got to block the National Geographic Channel and the Discovery Channel when we get home. Yeah, you learn a lot of shit about the world from those channels, but they're also filling my kids head with awful facts like the fact rats will eat another animal while it's still alive. She doesn't need to fuckin know that. I walk over to her and pick her up. I hold her close to me like I used to do when she was a baby and there was loud thunder. Any other time she would tell me to put her down because she's not a little kid but right now she's clinging to me. Her arms are wrapped tightly around my neck and her legs are wrapped around my waist. Damn, this kid has a good fuckin grip.

"We're going to be ok, Addy, I promise," I whisper into her ear and I gently rub her back. Man, this kid is shaking so hard. All of her muscles are trembling and it's making my eyes water up with tears. Of course, they're watering up with tears, what else would they be watering up with, right? But whatever. The point is, she's breaking my heart right now she's so fucking scared. I swear to God this is the last night we're taking one of the kids out patrolling until they're older. Sure we still need to train 'em but until they get really good at fight I'll just go out and catch a demon or a vamp and bring it back to the house so they can practice in a safe place. That's what lions and leopards and cheetahs do with their babies. They bring 'em back rabbits and shit to practice hunting. Well I'll bring back vampires so mine can practice slaying. "You just have to believe me, and you have to be brave. Can you do that for me, Addy?"

"Yeah," she says but she doesn't sound like she means what she's saying. She sounds like she's trying really fuckin hard not to cry. Dammit, I hope she doesn't start crying. That's like the one thing I can't stand and if she starts crying I'm going to spend all of my time trying to comfort her instead of trying to find a way out of here. I'm the same way with Buffy. Her tears always stop me dead until I can make her feel better. I knew having a daughter was going to come back to bite me in the ass. I just didn't think it would be like this. I hold her for a couple more minutes because she really needs this right now. Hell, I really need this right now. I didn't want to admit it 'cause I was trying to be strong for her but I was really fuckin scared. That's the thing about being a parent no one tells you about. You love your kids with your whole heart but most of your time is spent worrying like fuck.

"Ok, now you think you can help me find a way out of here?" I ask and she nods her head. I guess she's still trying not to cry. She's stubborn like me when it comes to the crying. She always has been like that. Even when she fell off her bike and split her knee open she was forcing the tears back and kept telling us she was fine and it didn't hurt. I could tell that it hurt 'cause I could see her fuckin kneecap but she was trying to be tough. I was the same way when I was a kid. Well, until my dad picked me up or hugged me then it was all over and I would start crying my eyes out. I put her down and wipe away the last of her tears with my thumbs. "Alright now let's get out of here so we can go home and get a shower. I could really use one, how about you?" She nods her head a little and sniffles. Too bad I don't have a tissue for her.

"We're both covered in dirt," she says and looks down at her clothes. That's for fuckin true. But I guess that's what happens when the earth opens up and swallows you. "Mom's going to be so mad when these stains don't come out." That makes me crack the fuck up because she's right. No one bitches like Buffy when she can't get a stain out. Thank God for this kid 'cause I really needed a fuckin laugh. It helped calm my ass down and I gotta admit I was getting really fuckin tense. It's not like I'm stupid or anything. I know we're in a pretty bad situation and if we don't find a way outta here soon we're gonna be in a lot of fuckin trouble 'cause we don't have any water, but I need to stay calm or she's going to start freaking out again. "It's not funny, Mama. She's going to make me go clothes shopping with her to get new clothes. I hate clothes shopping." I don't blame her. Shopping for new threads with B is a fucking nightmare.

"If I promise to take you clothes shopping and buy you some ice cream will you stop complaining and help me find a way out of here?" I ask her and she thinks about it for a second. I swear this kid is a total fuckin smart ass just like her mom. Don't look at me like that, Buffy does shit like this all the time just to push my buttons and now Addy does the same thing. She nods her head and she has a little smirk on her face because she knows it drives me crazy when she's a smart ass. I think that's why we don't get along most of the time 'cause she's always doing shit to drive me crazy on purpose. I should've known this was gonna happen if I reproduced, everyone of 'em has half of my genes and half of Buffy's genes so of course they're going be smarted asses.

"Good, now let's get the hell out of here. Mom's probably freakin the hell out right now," I tell her and we start walking. I normally don't cuss this much in front of my kids but we're trapped in an old gold mine, it's practically expected. There's no point trying to find a way out near the boulder. We don't have any shovels to dig but maybe we can find some. "I think this is an old gold mine or something so keep your eyes peeled for some shovels or pick axes or whatever you can find, ok? Maybe we can dig our way out where the boulder fell." She nods her head a little and she's got this weird look on her face. I know that look. Something I just said doesn't make any sense to her and now she's going to question me on it. How do I know that's what she's going to do? Because that's the exact same look Buffy gets on her face before she questions something I've said.

"How do you know this is an old gold mine? We've never been in a gold mine before," she says and she sounds hella fuckin confused. The sound of her voice is pretty fuckin cute and it makes me smile. I only smile for a couple seconds though and then force it off my face 'cause if she sees it she'll freak out. That's another thing about kids that no one ever tells you about, if you did something before they existed then it might as well have not happened at all because sometimes they don't believe you when you tell 'em otherwise. Either that or they just don't care.

"When we lived in California, before your mom and I had you guys, we used to go on this old gold mine tour every once in a while. It was pretty cool. Dark as hell and cold as fuck, but it was alright." It was alright because there were never many people on the tour, maybe two or three other couples plus the tour guide. Once he leads you inside the mine you get to break off and kinda explore as long as you don't go passed the roped off sections. Me and B would always find a little secluded place to have a little naughty fun. She never let me fuck her but sometimes we got to second base. Afterwards, we'd always have a picnic and we'd fuck in the car. Man, I miss California sometimes.

"How come you never took me?" she asks and she sounds like she's feeling left out. I know that tone of voice really fuckin well 'cause Joey has it almost nonstop. It isn't entirely his fault that he's kind of annoying. Addy spends a lot of her time trying to avoid him at all costs unless she needs him for something. And by 'needs him for something' I mean she either uses him as a scapegoat or lookout or a test subject. Yeah, that's right, I said test subject. Willow bought Addy a toy chemistry set for her birthday and now Addy 'invents' new things and tries them out on Joey. The poor boy has been dyed so many colors we won't even need to hang a flag during gay pride month, we'll just buy Addy another chemistry set and let go to town on him. I look over at her and she keeps glancing down while she walks. I guess she's keeping a look out for scorpions and snakes and shit.

"'Cause you were still a baby when we lived there and that's not the kinda thing babies like to do. You liked going to the lake across from the golf course to watch all the geese and ducks that migrated in the fall," I tell her and she doesn't say anything. She gets like this whenever I start telling her stuff about herself she doesn't remember. She always gets really quiet and introspective. Maybe if I keep telling her little about when she was really little she'll be too distracted to complain. Yeah right, talk about wishful fuckin thinking. This kid is half Buffy, there's no such thing has 'too distracted to complain'. "And when you were just a little baby your favorite baby food was carrots. When your mom would feed you I'd walk in the room and you'd be covered in orange so I had to give you bath every time you ate." Addy was a pretty awesome baby, there's no denying that.

"Mama, stop," she says and she sounds pretty fuckin serious. Ok, so maybe she doesn't want to take a trip down memory lane. That's weird, most kids like hearing about the past as long as it involves them. At least my kids always have before. I try not to roll my eyes in case she sees 'cause that'll just start a fight and that's not what I need right now. So I stop talking and keep going down this passage. I don't wanna say this out loud because it might scare the hell out of Addy, but we need to get out of here as soon as fuckin possible. The reason there were sections roped off at the old mine in California is because those sections were unstable and the roof could've collapsed. I'm afraid the same thing might happen to us. Hell, it already did happen, that's how we got fuckin stuck down here.

"No, Mama, stop," she says and grabs onto my wrist. I don't think I've ever heard her sound that way before. I look down at her and she has this look of concentration on her face. Her eyebrows are slightly furrowed and she's turning her head very slowly and looking around the mine. God damn, I don't think she's ever looked more like Buffy than right at this moment. I look around too but I don't see anything or hear anything. Maybe she's so freaked out her mind is playing tricks on her? That's a possibility. Or maybe she just wasn't wrapped up in her own thoughts like I was and she heard or saw something I didn't. "I thought I heard something." She sounds so damn calm and serious. I don't think I'm dealing with Addy right now. I think her slayer side is starting to take over.

"I didn't hear anything," I tell her but she doesn't look like she's paying attention to me. She looks like she's focusing all of her effort in trying to figure out whatever it was she heard. Great, so she's just like her mother when she's in slayer mode. That's really fuckin great. I guess I can't complain too much 'cause I get the same way. But it's still fuckin annoying when someone's ignoring you. Her grip kinda tightens on my wrist and I look down. Her eyes are really fuckin big and the look on her face is different. She looks almost…excited, I guess would be a good word for it. I don't know why she would be getting so excited down here. We're stuck in a fuckin mine for fuck's sake.

"It's Mom," she says and sounds just as fuckin excited as she looks. Now I don't blame her. Can she really hear Buffy? How the fuck can she hear her and I can't? This is probably her extra special slayer powers in action or some shit like that. Red is always saying that Addy is going to grow up to be special because she's a slayer born from the two originals, but I didn't really believe her. But if Addy has hearing that's better than Superman's than I guess she really is gonna grow up to be the strongest slayer in the fuckin world. I don't know how I feel about that. "I hear Mom. Come on!" She tries taking off at a run but I grab her. She looks up at me and she looks pissed as hell. "What are you doing? I hear Mom, let's go." Damn, she sounded just like B just then. If she's going to be just like B, especially when she's older, than it won't be long before she has me wrapped around her little fingers.

"We can't run or the roof might cave in, ok?" I tell her and her eyes get all big and she looks around like she's trying to see if it's starting to collapse or something. I didn't wanna scare her but she needed to know or she might have caused a cave in and we could've been really fuckin hurt. I keep holding onto her hand as we walk back towards where we came. I can hear B now, and she sounds so fuckin panicked and scared it makes my heart hurt. I want to run to her but I fucking can't and it's driving me crazy. She probably thinks we're unconscious or maybe even thinks we're dead. I wanna yell out that we're alright, that we hear her and we're almost there, but even yelling could cause a cave in. Why do these mines have to be so fuckin fragile? When we finally get down to the end of the tunnel I can see part of B's face in the little hole that she dug.

"Faith? Addison? Where are you guys? Are you ok?" she yells and she sounds so scared. I don't think I've ever heard her sound like that before. Hearing her sound like that is sending all kinds of chills down my neck in the worst fucking way. It must be some really primal shit going on right now 'cause I have this overwhelming feeling to take her in my arms and protect her. That protective feeling is something I don't think I'm ever going to get used to. Even though I've been with her for more than a decade I still can't believe I've gotten this close to her. But I can think about that shit later. Right now I need to focus on getting our daughter the fuck out of here before something really bad happens.

"B, we're right here," I say and she goes quiet. I try to get as close to the hole that she dug as possible, but it's kinda hard. There's a lot dirt and rocks and shit in the way. "We're ok, B, we're not hurt." I hear her let out a huge sigh of relief. I can't even imagine what she must be feeling right now. Well, that's not true. I can totally imagine what she's fucking going through right now. Back when Addy was still a baby she got sent through a portal by a demon and B was unconscious and I didn't know if she just fainted because of what happened to Addy or if she was in a coma or paralyzed or what. But everything turned out alright, so let's not dwell on that shit.

"I don't think I can get you out by myself," B says and she sounds like she's crying. She's probably so fuckin relieved to hear my voice that she's sobbin. Sounds like something she would do. Hell, I would probably be crying with relief too if I were her. "I killed the rest of the demons that were in the funeral home and Giles is sending a team to take care of the rest so you guys should be safe down there." I didn't even think about the demons trying to kill us. But why the fuck would they do that when we're stuck in this hole? Their plan is to end the world. You'd think they'd just get the fuck out of here and to wherever they needed to go. "I'm going to go get Xander, ok? He has the keys to a couple of those big digging machines at the construction site. He'll be able to get you out of there." Sounds like a good plan.

"Ok, B, we'll just wait right here," I tell her. It's not like there's anywhere else we can go. She doesn't say anything and she doesn't leave. I can tell she doesn't wanna go. How do I know that? I know because if I was the one up there and she was down here I wouldn't want to leave either. I would want to stay there and keep talking to her to know that she's safe. But she has to leave because she's Buffy so that means she left the cell phone at home and mine is in my office. I always forget that thing before I leave work. I get a little closer to the hole she dug but I can't get close enough. I wanted to reach up and touch her hand, ya know, try and reassure her that way but it isn't gonna happen. "Babe, don't worry, we'll be ok." I hear her sigh and it pulls at my heartstrings a little.

"Alright, Faith. I'll be back as soon as I can," she says and she sounds a little choked up. Man, I really fuckin hate this. If you haven't noticed over the years I'm kind of a control freak, and there's nothing a control freak hates more than not being in fuckin control. I hate that I'm just stuck down here and there's not a god damn thing I can do about it. "Keep her safe, ok? Promise me, Faith." I don't know why the fuck she even has to ask me that. What the fuck does she think I'm going to do, throw her to the coyotes if they come looking for food? I guess I get it. She's worried as fuck and just needs some reassurance. I guess I could stop being an ass for once in my fuckin life and give some to her.

"I promise, B. I won't let anything happen," I say and B's breathing is getting all fucked up. God damn, I wish I could get the fuck out of here so I could take her in my arms until she calms down. I'd hold her really close to me, and kiss away her tears, and tell her that everything is going to be ok now. But I can't because I'm stuck in this stupid fucking mine. Whoever fuckin heard of gold mines in Nevada? They should've just kept this shit in California. That's where all the fuckin gold was anyway. It's called the Golden State for fuck's sake. "Just get back soon, ok? We're really fuckin dirty and it's starting to get uncomfortable." She laughs a little bit which was the point. I know she's still worried as hell but at least she's not on the verge of tears.

"Ok, I'll be back as soon as I can," she says and she drops the flashlight down the hole. It rolls down the little mound of dirt and rocks and lands by my feet. "You might need that more than I do. I love you." I tell her I love her back and Addy yells it out too. Then B runs off and I let out a little sigh. Fuck, why didn't I bring any water bottles with us? We live in the fuckin desert, those should be a requirement to have when you leave the house or something 'cause you never know when you're going to get stuck out here. At least we're underground so it's kinda cool. I let out a huge sigh 'cause help is gonna be here soon. I grab the flashlight and look around the little mine. It isn't very big. The ceiling is a few inches above my head and the walls as wide as it is tall. There's an old track right down the middle. I guess that was for the cart thing that they used.

"This sucks," Addy says and she doesn't sound happy at all. Great, now I gotta deal with her moodiness. At least she isn't saying that we're gonna die, 'cause that got really fuckin annoying really fast. I sit down on one of the rocks and watch Addy pace a little. God damn, she is just like her mother. "We're stuck in a stupid mine, my clothes are ruined, I think I have dirt in my ears, and I didn't even get to slay a demon." She does have kind of a point. She came out tonight thinking she was going to get to kick some ass and look at what happened. Poor kid just couldn't catch a break. Is it weird I'm disappointed I didn't get to see my daughter slay a demon? Maybe B's right, maybe the kids do need to have a more normal life and that doesn't include demons and vampires and that kinda shit.

"At least we're not seriously hurt. We could be stuck down here with broken bones or god knows what else," I tell her and she lets out an irritated sigh. Yep, she's just like Buffy. When she rants she doesn't want to hear the bright side, she just wants to bitch. Addy hitting puberty is going to be so much fun. And yes I'm being totally fucking sarcastic. She keeps pacing and she crosses her arms over her chest. Her irritation is starting to piss me off a little. This kid has fuckin clue how luckily she is. Two M'Fashnik demons attacked us and she got out of it without getting hurt. She got thrown around a little but all she has to show for it are some scrapes. "Will you sit down? You're starting to drive me crazy." I normally don't say stuff like that because I used to be crazy so I know the difference, but damn, she's getting really fuckin annoying.

"You don't always have to be so mean to me," she says and stops pacing to stare at me. Damn, she sounded really fuckin pissed but the look on her face is different. She looks like she might cry or something. God, what the fuck did I do wrong now? "You could just ask me like a normal person. Why do you always sound so mean when you talk to me? You never sound like that when you talk to Matt or Joe." Tears are welling up in her eyes now and my breath catches in my throat. What the hell is she talking about? I'm not always mean when I talk to her. Maybe if she wasn't always doing something to piss me off it wouldn't seem that way. I guess it does seem that way to her or she wouldn't be making this big of a deal about it.

"I'm nice to you too, Addy," I tell her and she just lets out a big irritated sigh. Obviously she doesn't believe me or she wouldn't be acting like that. What the fuck am I supposed to say to her? I've never had a conversation like this before. "I am nice to you. I gave you a hug and a kiss this morning before you left for school and told you to have fun at dance practice." She wipes the tears away before they get a chance to fall. I guess she is like me too 'cause I do the same thing whenever I cry. I wanna hug her tight to me until her tears go away but since she's like me when she cries I know she won't wanna be touched.

"You said it but you don't really care. You care more about Matt's football games than my dance recitals," she says and wipes away more tears. I hate to admit it but she does have a little bit of a point. I didn't think she'd actually pick up on that, though, 'cause even though I don't care as much I try to show an interest. Guess I wasn't fooling her at all. Some tears are starting to roll down her cheeks. They're coming so quick now she can't wipe them all away before they fall. The sight of her crying like that and trying so hard to stop makes me wanna take her into my arms and hold her and whisper in her ear like I used to do when she was a baby and she was teething and in pain. But before I can move she's talking again.

"Why did you even have me if you don't like me? Did you just want a girl but you got stuck with me?" she asks and her voice cracks like hell 'cause a sob ripped through her throat on the last couple of words. What she said is like a punch to the fuckin gut. And not a normal punch either. I'm talking about a slayer strength punch right to my fuckin stomach and another to my ribs. Maybe even a liver and kidney shot too. Does she really fuckin think that? Does she really believe that I love Mattie and Joey but just got stuck with her? I don't know why the hell she thinks something like that but it's making me feel like shit. Not just like I failed as a parent, but like I failed as a human being in general. What the fuck did I do that was so god damn horrible that's making her think this way?

"Addy…." I don't even know what to say. What the fuck are you supposed to say to something like that? Goddamn I wish I was better at this shit. "I love you so much, do you understand that? You're my daughter. I carried you inside me for eight and a half months. You're a girl so what we have is a little different from Mattie and Joey but I love you just as much." She's calming down a little bit now. She's not sobbing anymore and the tears aren't coming as much. I don't know if that's a good thing or not because she's starting to look really pissed off again. How the hell am I supposed to show her that I love her? I thought I did that every day with the little things I do for them. I read to her and Joey at night, I take 'em bike riding on the weekends, I usually let her get away with sneakin a cookie before dinner. What the fuck am I supposed to do right here and now to show her?

"You love me but you don't like me, Mama, there's a difference," she says and she sounds pissed. She wipes away the rest of her tears and sniffles really fuckin loud. The pour kid has all different kinds of stuff coming out of her face. I rip the bottom of my shirt and hand it to her. She uses it to blow her nose and then tosses it on the ground. "All you do is boss me around and you always sound really mean when you do it. Whenever we go places you never pick the place I wanna go to. We always have to do what Matt or Joe wants to do. Whenever we play games you always pick the one Matt or Joe wants to play. And on the weekends you let Joe walk to his friend's house but you don't let me go over to Brad's house anymore. How come you always do that? Is it because your mom was mean to you so now you only know how to be nice to boys?" What the fuck?

"Addy, who told you about my mom?" I ask and I make sure to keep my tone as light as I possibly fuckin can. You have no fuckin clue how hard it is to do that. I don't wanna change the subject 'cause from the looks of it this is something that has been bothering for a while, but I never wanted my kids finding out about that. They just don't need to know what my life was like when I was young. I don't think Buffy would've said anything to her. Maybe my dad said something to Brittany and she said something in front of Addy. God, that is so fucked up and it's true she's gonna get her ass kicked when I get out of here. Addy doesn't say anything and some more tears are starting to well up in her eyes. "It's ok, Addy, I'm not gonna get mad." Ok, so that's a lie but I'll hide my anger until later. "I just need to know who told you."

"No one told me," she says and she sounds pissed as hell. Man I really fuckin wish I knew what to say to calm her down but I can't. I guess this is just one of those things that can't be fixed with a couple of words. She just needs to get it all out. "I heard you and mom talking about it." Oh fuck, that can't be good. I don't normally open up about my childhood 'cause I wanna leave that shit in the past but every once in a while I'll tell B about something that happened, like in total fuckin detail, so I don't know what the fuck Addy overhead but it's not something I ever wanted her to find out about. That's for fuckin sure. "You said she used to hit you with a belt and call you names even when you weren't in trouble." By trouble she means I didn't do anything wrong, but true be told I was in all kinds of fuckin trouble at the time.

"And you said that I'm just like you when you were younger and you don't like it. Is that why you're mean to me all the time?" More sobs start ripping their way out of her throat and she has these fat tears just rolling down her fuckin cheeks. I don't fuckin hesitate before I reach out and grab onto her. I pull her down to me and hold her close. She's fighting like hell but I'm not letting go. My baby thinks I hate her and it was all just a big misunderstanding. Well some of it anyway. Now that I'm really thinkin about it I am a little bitchier to Addy then to the boys. I don't know why I fuckin do that. I wish I had an answer for her 'cause I don't. She finally stops fighting. She wraps her arms around my neck and cries against my shoulder. Her whole body is fuckin shaking and silent tears are rolling down my cheeks now.

"Addy, shh, calm down, ok? I need you to listen to me," I tell her and rub her back a little. That always calms me down when I'm upset and Addy's a lot like me so hopefully it'll work. Why didn't I pay more damn attention to Addy? Maybe if I did she wouldn't be having this breakdown right now and I'd know how to comfort her when something other than me upsets her. "I love you and I like you so freaking much, ok? You're a lot like me. You can be really stubborn, and that's not always a bad thing. When you set your mind to something it doesn't change, and a lot of times you think your way of doin stuff is better. I'm just like that but when I was younger I did a lot of really stupid shit because I'm like that. I'm just afraid, Angel Girl. I'm afraid you're gonna grow up and make a lot of the mistakes I made and I just want you to be happy."

You have no fuckin idea how much it scares me that she's gonna turn out like me. Yeah, I have an awesome life right now with a great wife and great kids, a job I love and a house in a perfect neighborhood and all that stereotypical stuff. But I wasn't always this stable. I used to get around, a lot. I hated myself and that's part of why I did it. It was like a punishment. I always had to sleep with more guys, drink more alcohol, and do more drugs. I treated myself like shit because that's how I thought I deserved to be treated and no one else could tell me otherwise. It's not like I was reaching out for help 'cause I was way too fuckin stubborn for that. And Addy's just as stubborn as I am, and who the fuck knows? Even if she doesn't sleep around with a bunch of people she might screw the guy she's dating just because it's against the rules or whatever.

"I promise I'll be nicer, ok? I don't know why I was doin that. I didn't even know I was doing that but I'll stop, alright?" I ask her and she nods her head. She isn't crying anymore but every once in awhile she'll let out a hiccup. I just sit here holdin her and she's clingin onto me. The same feeling I used to get when she was little washes over my mind and I let out a contended sigh. There's no other feeling in the world that's like this. When your kid is hurtin and they come to you for comfort. When your touch and smell is the thing that calms 'em down and makes 'em feel better it makes you feel like you're doing something right in the world like maybe all of that shit I did in the past can be forgiven because without me this awesome person in my arms wouldn't be here at all.

"Faith?" I hear Buffy yell. I look up at the little hole she dug earlier and I can see her looking through it. Goddamn it's so fuckin good to hear her voice again. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here and go home. We haven't been stuck here for very long, maybe an hour or something like that but it feels like we've been here for days. "Xander isn't home but I got the other slayers and we have shovels. It might take longer but we're going to get you out. Is Addison ok?" Damn, there are so many aspects to that fuckin question. Yeah, B, she's ok, she just thinks I hate her and she let this shit fester until she had a total breakdown. Yeah, B, she's alright but I've totally fucked up her perception of me as a mother and person. Yeah, B, she's doing just great except she cried so hard she almost choked.

"She's a little roughed up but she'll be ok," I yell out and hug my baby a little tighter to my body. I don't care how big my kids get they're always going to be my babies and they'll just have to deal with it. Addy starts coughing a little and her throat sounds pretty fucked up. "Did you bring any water or anything? We're getting kinda dehydrated." I'm not worried about me but Addy cried out most of her fluids and if she doesn't get some water in her soon we might have to take her to the hospital. I hear B shuffling around and then two water bottles fall down the hole and roll down the mound of dirt. They land not too far from me and I reach over and grab one. I open it up and have Addy drink it. She gets the whole thing down in about a minute. Damn this kid can chug. She really does take after me, and for the first time in my life, that thought doesn't scare me.


	88. Traditional Suburban Ritual

A/N: _Well, I think Hell has officially frozen over because here's another chapter in less than a month. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it._

**Two Months Later.** FPOV

"Faith, can you bring out the extra plates?" I hear B yell and I groan a little bit. She's the one who wanted to do this shit, why can't she get the fucking plates herself? But I'm not going to say that shit out loud 'cause I don't wanna start a fight. It's been a while since we've had even a little disagreement and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as possible. Plus, there's a bunch of people over today and the last thing I need is to smile and pretend to be happy just to save face or however that fuckin saying is supposed to go. Although, to be honest I am pretending a little bit because I really don't want these people in my house.

"Yeah, B, I'll be out in a sec!" I yell back and try not to sound agitated. I should probably fill you in on what's going on. See, in Nevada the weather is really fuckin nice all year round, so the summer time isn't the only time the neighbors have barbeques. And I'm not talking about small little cook outs where you invite your friends and sit around drinking beer and having fun. No, I'm talking about the kind where you cook twice your weight in food and invite the whole fuckin block. B and her friends talked about this last week and they decided it should be our turn to host one of these stupid fuckin things. So now, I have a whole bunch of people and their kids running around my house and backyard.

Ok, so I'll admit, these get-togethers aren't so bad. Everyone in the neighborhood gets along and even if there is some kinda drama going down they shove that shit aside for a day and just relax. I just don't like being the host 'cause almost every single time we do, some little kid breaks something of mine. The big things we have to worry about now is the fact that Willow and Xander live in Lincoln now and the girls from the training house. It's not like we can't invite them just because they don't live on our street. That would be fucked up. So now, we have to be really fuckin careful 'cause we're mixing together a bunch of slayers, two witches, a carpenter who's seen more demony action then I can count, and a group of people who don't know the truth about what goes bump in the night. Sounds awesome, right? Yep, it sounds about as awesome as rubbing a bunch of salt and battery acid on an open wound.

"Hey, be careful where you're goin guys," I say and jump back when Joey, Nick and Alex come barreling through the kitchen. They don't say anything or even look back when they run out the door. I guess I might as well not even fuckin exist. But whatever, I'm not going to worry about that right now. My kids are getting to that age where I embarrass them in front of their friends. I don't even have to be doing a damn thing and somehow I'm making a fool out of myself. Whatever, it's cool. I'm sure I woulda felt the same about my parents except my mom really was an embarrassment and I never brought any of my friends home. And I don't know what the fuck Dawn is feeding those kids, but they're a couple months younger than Joey but like three inches taller than he is.

"Mama," Addy says and she walks in the room. Thank God she doesn't sound whiney because I don't think I can handle that today. I've been working on treating her better than I have in the past, but it's hard when she whines like a spoiled four-year-old. I guess part of it has to do with the fact that she's older so I expect more from her even though she's still just a kid. But whatever, I'm not gonna dwell on that shit now. "Brother won't let me in his room. He put the dresser in front of his door." Oh, great, just what I fuckin need right now: a turf-war. Mattie isn't supposed to have his bedroom door closed, anyway. He knows the fuckin rules when he has friends over and some of his friends are girls.

"Alright, I'll go talk to him," I tell her and head up towards his bedroom. She's right on my heels like one of those little ankle bitter dogs. Speaking of ankle biting dogs, my little ankle biter is sitting at the top of the stairs looking totally fuckin miserable. She's normally a happy dog and I only call her an ankle biter 'cause she's small, she doesn't bite, but right now she's giving me a look like she wants me to just put her down to end her humiliation. You're probably wondering what the fuck I'm talking about so I'll tell you. Joey and his little cousins, I'm assuming, dressed my poor dog up in baby clothes that used to be Addy's that we still haven't gotten rid of. Missy is dressed up in some little pink dress and she has my sunglasses taped to her face.

"Oh you poor little thing," I say and pick her up. I hold her close to me and give her a little kiss on the side of her head. I peel the tape off as painlessly as possible but some of her hair gets ripped out and she whines a little. I'll have to have a little talk with Joey and my nephews about this shit. My little dog isn't a toy or a doll to be dressed up and played with like this. Sure it's funny when her tennis ball falls in the pool and she's trying to stretch her neck out as far as it can go so she doesn't have to jump in the pool to get it, and then you nudge her a little with your toe to make her fall in. Other than that she deserves to have some dignity too. I take the dress of her and set her down on the floor. She shakes really hard and her licenses jingle really freakin loud and then she runs off into my bedroom to hide. I can't blame her. I'd probably do the same.

"Mama, let's go," Addy says and she sounds impatient. I totally forgot that she was standing behind me. I glance back at her and she doesn't look too irritated which is good thing. When she's pissed as hell she gets the same look on her face that Buffy gets when you take a piece of food off her plate without asking. Over the years, I've almost lost fingers doin that shit. But it's funny as hell and worth the risk. Anyway, we keep walkin towards Mattie's room and I can hear music playing through the door. He has the stereo up way too fuckin loud so they could be doin God knows what in there. I'm not saying they're getting into too much trouble or doing anything really fuckin bad but they're a group of teenagers who blocked the door with a dresser, so I doubt they're up to any good. Then again, Addy coulda just been bothering the hell out of 'em so Mattie blocked the door to keep her out.

"Matt!" I yell so he'll hear me over the music. You have no fuckin clue how much I don't like calling him Matt. To me, he's always gonna be my little Mattie, but he doesn't like that name anymore 'cause he thinks it makes him sound like a baby. Anyway, I try to open the door but it won't budge. And here I was hoping Addy was exaggerating when she said he blocked the door with the dresser. "Matt, open the door right now!" The music shuts off and I can hear all of his friends grumbling but I don't say a word. I get it, I do. When I was a teenager, I would've been pissed if my mom interrupted what I was doing. Then again if I were a teenager and locked in a room with my friends like that we were probably doing drugs or getting drunk. A few seconds later I hear the dresser scrape across the floor and I can't help but cringe. Why didn't we put carpet in the bedrooms?

"Yeah?" he says when he opens the door. I look passed him and his friends look a little irritated. Most of 'em have video game controllers in their hands so I guess Addy was buggin 'em to let her play too. The game isn't paused, so he wasn't playing with them. I wonder what the fuck he was doing. Ok, Faith, calm down. Just because Brooke is in the room it doesn't mean they were doing anything. His friends are in there too so they were probably just holding hands or whatever. "Do you need something?" I hate it when he does this. Whenever his friends are around, he tries to sound more adult but he always ends up sounding like an asshole. It isn't so much what he's saying it's how he's saying it and it's really fuckin annoying.

"You know the rules about having friends in your room. You're supposed to leave the door open," I tell him and he looks really fuckin annoyed, but he doesn't say anything. He knows if he argues I'll tell him he and his friends have to go downstairs with the rest of us instead of hanging out by themselves up here. I feel Addy take a hold of my hand and tug a little bit. She thinks I forgot about her. "And let your little sister play the game with you. Only three turns, ok Addy?" I look down and she nods her head but she doesn't look very happy. She isn't very good at the game so her three turns are gonna go by pretty fast. "The food's gonna be ready in about twenty minutes, so make sure to wash up before you come downstairs." I make sure to say that loud enough so all of 'em can hear me. And there's no way in hell these kids are eating up here. Last time, we let 'em do that the rug was stained with barbeque sauce.

"Alright," Mattie says and he sounds just as annoyed as he looks. "Come on, Addison." She lets go of my hand and practically runs into the room. I watch for a couple of seconds and I can't help but smile. She is a lot like me when I was little. I always wanted to hang out with the big kids too. Then again, when I was younger I did hang out with the big kids and one of 'em finally noticed that I was starting to develop and he made his move and took my virginity. Ok, Faith, don't think about that shit today because all it's going to do is bring you down. I don't wanna be in a bad mood while all these people are at my house 'cause that'll just make everything so much worse. "Just remember you only get three turns and then you have to leave." I can't help but roll my eyes when he says that. I just know she's gonna come to me when he kicks her out, but it's not like there's anything I can do about it.

Anyway, I go back downstairs and as soon as I walk into the kitchen, I get that feeling like I forgot to do something. Great, that's gonna fuckin bug me. What was I supposed to do? I already set up everything outside, the tables and chairs and coolers are all out there so it's not that. I remembered to put the ice and drinks in the coolers 'cause if I didn't I'm sure people would be asking me if there's gonna be anything to drink. All of the food is either being cooked or it's marinating until it's ready to cook. So what the fuck was I supposed to do? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm making this shit up in my mind so I won't have to go outside. Like I said earlier, hanging out with the neighbors isn't so bad and so far things have been pretty under control, but that doesn't mean I like listening to their boring conversations. Seriously, how many times can one person talk about redecorating their bathroom before it's ok to punch them in the face?

"Faith, do you need help finding the plates?" I hear B yell and it feels like a fuckin light bulb went off in my mind. I was supposed to take the extra plates out there. She sounds kinda irritated too so I guess I took a lot longer upstairs then I thought. I dig through the cupboard and damn, we need to go through most of this shit and toss it 'cause there's no way in hell we're ever going to use most of this. All it's doing is taking up space and being a big pain my ass. Ok, so does B want the blue plates or the yellow ones? Fuck it, I'll take 'em all just in case. There's no way we're gonna need this many extra, but this way people can choose what they want. At least, that's what I'm gonna say when B asks me about it. So after I manage to get the plates out of the cupboard and shut the door without having thirty pounds of useless junk fall on my face I turn around and walk towards the door. Why do I always let her talk me into this shit?

I walk out onto the back patio and B and her friends are cackling. I don't know what the difference between a laugh and a cackle is but they're doing it right now. Ok, so what the fuck is so funny? I put the plates down on the table and walk over to 'em. They each have a drink in their hand so they're probably a little buzzed right now. That means whatever was said wasn't that funny, they just think it is because of the alcohol flowin through their veins. God, I hope no one here gets really drunk, 'cause the last thing I need is my kids seeing all of these people acting like a bunch of shit-faced lunatics. B sees me walking over to 'em and she shushes everyone up. What the fuck was that all about? I walk up behind B and wrap my arms around her. Holding her like this always makes me feel better. I give her neck a little kiss and rest my chin on her shoulder.

"So what's so funny?" I ask and they all start giggling like a bunch of junior high kids. I look around her little circle of friends but as soon as my eyes reach Kim, the really fuckin hot blonde, they stop. I don't know what it is about her that I'm so fuckin drawn to. I've always had a little bit of a thing for her, ever since I met her. She's…different than the rest of these people. I don't know what it is but there's just something about her that makes her stand out but in a subtle way. And it isn't just the fact that she's really fuckin hot. But whatever. I love B and there's no way in hell I'm ever gonna cheat on her so I might as well just stop thinking about her friend like that. But trust me if me and B weren't together I'd fuck that blonde so good she'd never be able to enjoy it with anyone else.

"Nothing," B says and giggles a little more. What the fuck is up with her? I think she's been spending too much time around the kids 'cause she's starting to act like one again. But I'm not gonna worry about it 'cause it's kinda cute. I kiss her on the neck again and she puts her hand on the one I have on her stomach. "Rachel was just saying how the painters screwed up her bathroom, so she yelled at them and one of them almost started crying." I look around and all of 'em are nodding their heads. They look like those bobble headed dolls you put on your dashboard. Two of the chicks have these little smirks on their faces and it makes my stomach kinda twist up a little bit. Why do I get the feeling I'm being fuckin lied to?

"Makin a guy cry is always pretty awesome," I tell 'em and they all start giggling again. Ok, seriously, what the fuck aren't they telling me? There's no way a story about this chick redecorating her bathroom could've been that funny. Not no way, not no how. "I'm gonna go check on the food." I give B another little kiss on her neck and she practically purrs at the feeling. Oh yeah, she's had way more to drink than I thought before. She normally doesn't let me get that touchy feely in front of her friends because she doesn't want to make them uncomfortable. I turn around and walk away from 'em and as soon as I get like three or four steps away they start laughing hella hard again. I feel like I'm back in seventh grade and tried to sit at the table where the cool eighth grade girls sit and they laughed at me for trying to be one of 'em. At least B is having a good time. I just need to keep reminding myself of that or I might go fuckin crazy.

BPOV

"So, Kim, what happened on your date last night?" Mandy Wehunt asks and the rest of us look over at Kim. She looks pretty embarrassed because this is the first date she's been on since the divorce. Yep, that's right, she and her husband got divorced. They signed all of the official papers and everything about three months ago. He moved to Vegas so he can still be near enough to see Lindsay and Dean on the weekends, but far enough away so he and Kim aren't always running into each other. The whole thing makes me all different kinds of sad because only a couple of hours after she kicked him out of the house she called me needing some comfort from a friend. I helped her pick up the pieces over the next couple of months but it was really hard for her. It's not like he cheated or anything like that. She just doesn't love him anymore and was ready to move on. But the moving on still hurt like hell.

"Nothing happened," she says and her cheeks are still kinda pink. Something totally happened. She doesn't blush like that unless there's something very juicy to tell. Mandy, Rachel, Tricia, Margie and I all start prodding her on, asking her about what happened, telling her she doesn't have to be embarrassed, that it's only us that are going to hear. I'm just glad Willow isn't here yet and Dawn's in the bathroom or she'd never open up and tell us. She doesn't know them well enough to be completely honest about certain stuff. "Ok, ok. God, you guys are like a bunch of dogs begging for a bone." I could come up with such a dirty come back, I've been living most of my adult life with Faith after all, but I won't. If I do she'll just get even more embarrassed and won't say a thing. "Alright so after the date he dropped me off and we kissed on the porch, and he's a really good kisser." She blushes a little but I know there's more otherwise she wouldn't be so freaking embarrassed.

"And things got a little…out of hand," she says and she blushes so hard I think her ears are going to explode. "I know that it's not classy to sleep with a guy on the first date but sometimes a girl just needs some, you know?" We all nod our heads because it's so true. Even though she and her husband separated only a few months ago, their marriage was sexless for a year or two before she kicked him out. She would complain about it a lot, especially after a few drinks. She stopped complaining as much after I told her about the "adult toy store" where Faith and I bought our…adult toys. After that, she would talk about the lack of an emotional connection that a vibrating piece of plastic or silicone can't give you. "So we went upstairs and we fooled around for a little while and he's very…small." She blushes really hard again and the rest of us laugh but apparently that's not the best part 'cause she keeps going.

"So we get under the covers because there's no way I'm going to let a first date see me completely nude," she says and I totally understand. She has two kids and she had them both naturally so I get it. Your body changes in ways you'd never expect. "And he's being so nice and respectful and pretty much everything a girl could ask for." I kinda like it when Faith gets a little rough and bossy, but maybe that's just me. "And then he, ya know?" She says and wiggles her eyebrows a little bit to try and tell us what happened without actually saying it. We all nod our heads at the same time. That was kinda weird. "But I didn't feel anything." Oh my God, I think I know exactly where this is going. "So, I look up at him and he's looking into my eyes and I ask, 'is it in yet'? And I swear to God he almost started crying." Nope, I had no freaking clue where that was going but it was so much better than I thought it was going to be.

All of us start crackin up. I have tears running down my cheeks I'm laughing so freaking hard. I think I need to lay off the Strawberry Daiquiris because I'm feeling a little tipsy. I wonder how the kids are going to react when they grow up and realize that the main reason why all of the adults were having so much fun at these barbeques is because we're wasted. I would pay the see the looks on their faces the day they have that moment of truth. I glance over at the boys running around the backyard and I can't help but feel a little guilty. Maybe I shouldn't be drinking around them? It's not like they know what alcohol is yet but maybe doing this isn't such a good idea. It's not like anyone ever gets so drunk they start acting like an asshole or anything or needs to be babysat so they don't hurt themselves. So why do I feel like I shouldn't be doing this?

I look over and see Faith finally bring out those extra plates like I asked about fifteen minutes ago. About five minutes ago, I asked if she needed any help finding them but she either didn't hear me, which is totally impossible, or she just ignored me, which is probably what happened. I can tell her curiosity is totally getting the best of her because she's headed this way and I try to get everyone to stop laughing. The last thing Kim would want is Faith finding out what happened. I don't know what it is with those two but there's definitely something going on. I don't think they're having an affair, so get that out of your mind right now. But there's definite sparkage. I know that Faith has a little crush on Kim. She has since they first met, but for whatever reason I'm starting to think Kim has a crush on Faith. But that's insane and totally impossible. I think I need to lay off the Daiquiris.

"So what's so funny?" Faith asks after she wraps her arms around me and kisses my neck. She always gets a little clingy at these neighborhood get-togethers. I don't think she's aware of it so it's probably her subconscious trying to make sure everybody knows I'm hers and hers only. I hate feeling like a piece of property so most of the time I don't let her hang all over me, but right now her attention feels good. Anyway, some of the girls start laughing again but they're trying as hard as they can to keep a straight face. It was just too funny, though, and Faith being totally clueless is also pretty priceless. She must have that cute 'why is everyone leaving me out?' look on her face. I wish I could see it but she's resting her chin on my shoulder so that would be pretty difficult and I'd probably give myself a neck ache trying to turn my head that far.

"Nothing," I say and I already know that isn't going to be enough to satisfy her curiosity. I think she's been spending too much time with the kids because it seems like whenever she starts asking questions about something one answer is never enough. I smile a little when I feel her lips press against my neck in a soft, sweet kiss and I place my hand over the one she has on my stomach. "Rachel was just saying how the painters screwed up her bathroom so she yelled at them and one of them almost started crying." That's pretty lame but I think she'll fall for it. Faith is pretty convinced that all we ever talk about is 'boring housewife stuff', like redecorating rooms, trading recipes, how our kids are doing, stuff like that. Sometimes we talk about those things but most of the time we talk about our significant others, which is why the more clueless Faith is the better. Otherwise it could be a disaster.

"Making a guy cry is always pretty awesome," she says and she sounds totally confused. We all start laughing again but we're trying as hard as we can to control it so it sounds like we're giggling. I would never, ever really try this or anything, but a little part of me wants to use magic to switch bodies with Kim and go back in time so I can see the look on the guy's face when she asked that question. It's just so mean but hilarious at the same time. "I'm gonna go check on the food." That's her way of saying, 'you're all crazy and need serious medical help'. She leaves another soft kiss on my neck and I can't help the little moan that sneaks out the back of my throat. It isn't just the kissing that has me a little turned on. Her other hand, the one that's not on my stomach, is on my hip and she's been rubbing her thumb gently but firmly over my skin that's hidden by my dress. I can't believe Faith can still get me wet with one simple touch.

As soon as she walks away, we all start laughing really hard again. I can't believe she fell for any of that. I think it also has to do with the fact that we're all a little drunk. Not totally wasted, or shit-faced as Faith would call it, but we're definitely riding the magic carpet ride of tipsiness. I can't believe I just thought that. How lame am I again? Wait. Don't answer that question because I really don't need to hear the answer. Anyway, we all get ourselves under control and I take a few more sips from my drink. How much alcohol did I put in these because this is only my second one and normally I'm not like this after just…one and a half. We all look over at Kim again and she knows what's coming. We're all interested in her dating life, mostly because the majority of us have been in a relationship with the same person for a very long time and I can't speak for them, but I kinda miss the tingles you feel at the very beginning of a relationship. I need my vicarious tingles.

"So did he get up and leave, or did you sooth his ego and convince him to stay?" Tricia asks and we all wait quietly for the answer. I can't help but think for a second that this is totally pathetic. I mean, I'm in my thirties for God's sake and I'm still talking to someone about their love life as if I were back in high school or college. Forget high school, it would have to be back in college because none of my friends were really big with the sex back in high school. Other than my one night that sent Angel on a demony free for all, and Xander being used like a living breathing sex toy by Faith, and Willow giving herself to Oz before graduation, none of us were really active in that particular department. I mean, unless you count Xander getting to third with Cordelia in the janitor's closet but for some reason, in the hetero world oral doesn't count as sex.

"He stayed, but I kind of wish he hadn't," she says and she gets a disappointed look on her face. Uh-oh, I hope this conversation doesn't end in tears because that would be bad on so many levels. Not only is it almost impossible to get a person who has alcohol flowing in their veins to stop crying, but I really don't want the kids to freak out. "It wasn't good at all. It wasn't just the size, or lack thereof, but he was selfish." She looks down at her drink and I don't really want to know exactly what she means by that because otherwise I might have to hunt this guy down and rip his balls off. She takes another sip of her drink and lets out a little laugh. It breaks some of the tension that's starting to build up but not all of it. "Sometimes I think I should just give up men altogether." I can't help but smile at that. Too bad Faith wasn't here to hear that because she would've had a comeback that would have turned Kim's face completely red.

"Maybe Buffy can hook you up with someone," Rachel says and they all laugh a little. Kim gets a blush on her cheeks so deep I think they're now the same color as Willow's hair. And suddenly this conversation is very…uncomfortable, I guess would be a good way to describe it. They all look over at me with these little smirks on their faces so I know the teasing is going to go on for a little while longer. They don't mean anything by it but when they gang up on me like this it makes me feel a little outnumbered. I guess that's how Kim was feeling just a few moments ago when we poked and prodded until she told us about her date. Karma's a bitch. "I'm sure Buffy knows some sweet single woman who will treat your right. Don't you, Buffy?" And great, now I'm blushing. Now they know they're getting to me.

"Well, all of the gay women I know are either taken or not looking for anything serious," I say and hopefully that will be enough to get them to change the subject of this conversation. Why hasn't Faith come back to try and figure out what we're talking about? We wouldn't be talking about this if she were here. Then again, if she were she might have jokingly offered to "treat Kim right" and I would've had to smack her. I don't mind if she has a crush on someone else, it's natural and normal and it's going to happen and there's nothing I can about it, but that doesn't mean I want her throwing it in my face. So I guess it's better that Faith stayed away otherwise that could have been a fight. I don't exactly have the best emotional control when I'm under the influence.

"As long as they're better lovers than Charlie I don't care if they want a short term fling," Kim says but she kinda mumbled it and not everyone heart what she said. Mandy heard it because she's standing the closest to her, and I heard it because I have slayer hearing. My eyes go a little wide with shock because wow, she sounded really serious. But she can't be serious because Kim is one of the straightest people I know. There's no way in hell she really wants me to hook her up with some other woman. No, she's just lonely and a little tipsy and not thinking straight. Well, clearly she's not thinking straight at the moment, but you know what I mean. Ok, so how should I handle this situation? Should I just let it drop and possibly cause a rift in our friendship or maybe be a little playful so she knows she can talk to me about anything?

"So Kim, what do you think your type is?" I ask and I guess I'm going with playful. If she is closeted I should let her know that I'm here if she needs to talk. It might make things a little easier. I don't want to screw up like I did back in college. Willow was afraid to come out because she didn't think I would understand. Well, that and she wanted to keep Tara to herself for a while because she liked having someone who wasn't a part of the Scooby group. "Blonde, redhead, tall, short? Brown eyes or blue eyes? Someone a little more feminine? Someone a little more masculine?" It's not like I know a bunch of other gay women but living near Vegas you can't help but meet them. I've mostly met them through Willow because she goes to a lot of the pride celebrations. Anyway, Kim bites her bottom lip and her eyes wander over my shoulder. I'd know that look anywhere. She's totally checking someone out.

"I think a brown eyed brunette who's a little more on the butch side," she says and she has a little smirk on her face now. My eyebrows furrow and I slowly turn my head and follow her line of sight. Holy shit, no fucking way! She's totally checking out Faith. My Faith! My Faith who is my wife. My Faith who is my wife and who is the other mother of our three children. This can't be right. I know Faith is still super sexy and has a boat load of self confidence which makes her even sexier, but there's no way one of my best friends is eyeing up my wife. I whip my head back around and Kim instantly starts laughing. What the hell is so funny? "Calm down, Buffy. Don't kill me." She holds up her hands in mock-surrender. You better keep those hands to yourself or I might have to break them. "I was just joking. You know I love you in a strictly friendship way, but I don't think I could ever be with another woman. I would feel too weird."

"You never went to college, did you?" Rachel asks and we all look at her like she just grew a second head. "Oh please, don't give me that look. You put a school out in the middle of nowhere with absolutely nothing to do things are going to happen. I didn't expect them to happen with my roommate but it was a onetime thing." Hmm, I guess you learn something new every day. And I don't care if Kim is just joking, there's definitely something going on between her and Faith even if she doesn't realize it. As long as she stays in the dark about it, I don't care what she's feeling or who she hooks up with as long as she stays away from Faith. I'm not just worried about Faith cheating on me. I'm worried about losing someone that I've become a really close friend with and something like that could totally break up our group. Why is it that no matter how old I get, sometimes it still feels like I'm dealing with the politics of high school?

FPOV

Don't you really fuckin hate it when you know that there's something going on but you don't know what and no one will tell you what happened? I really fuckin hate that. I always have. I think that's one of the reasons B and I didn't get along so great when I first showed up in Sunnydale. She wouldn't open up and I thought she was just being that way with me. Anyway, the point is I hate being left out of the loop, and that's totally what's happening now. About an hour ago everything was fine but now there's this weird tension between Buffy and Kim and I wanna know what the fuck is going on but B won't say anything. I can't ask Kim 'cause that would be fuckin rude. Well, that and she's kinda wasted and I don't wanna accidentally cause a scene or anything 'cause everyone else is still having a pretty good time.

"Mmm, this was a good idea, huh?" B asks and softly runs her fingertips along the backs of my hands. We finished eating already but everyone else is still hogging out. What can I say? I'm really fuckin awesome cook. The sauce I put on the meat is killer and don't even bother askin for the recipe 'cause it's going with me to the grave. "I know it's kind of a pain, but everyone's having fun. And it's nice to just relax like this." She thinks I'm still a little pissed at her for planning this whole thing before she even told me she was thinking about having it. I was pissed at her, but I'm not anymore. She's right, sometimes it's nice to just hang out with a bunch of people and pig out on food and have a couple beers.

"Yeah, it is kinda nice," I say and leave a little kiss on her neck. I have my arms wrapped around her and we're standing by the pool just kinda watching all of our friends and neighbors enjoy themselves. I've been really clingy with her all day. Whenever she asks about it I always tell her I don't know why I get like this, but I know. Some of the neighbor guys check her out a lot and they're really fuckin obvious about it too. It's like they've never even heard of being subtle. I gotta remind the bastards that she's mine and there's no way in hell they'd ever get to be with her. I don't tell B about that because sometimes she gets a little mad when I get possessive like this. It's not like I'm calling them out on it or being an ass to her or anything. I just like having my arms around her and kissing her neck, is that so wrong?

"You know the best part about it?" I ask and give her another little kiss on her neck. She moans a little bit and I can't help but smile. You have no fuckin idea how much I love that sound. I lightly rub her stomach a little and she lets out a little giggle. I really fuckin love that sound too but it wasn't what I was after. "When all of these people leave." I kiss her behind her ear, and that's like one of her spots. She loves it when I kiss her there. She's probably thinkin some pretty dirty thoughts right now and that's what I want. I'm being as suggestive as I can without making it too obvious 'cause Mattie and his friends are down here now. I'm sure the last thing he wants is his friends drooling over his moms. Anyway, I put my lips lightly against her ear and I feel her shiver. Oh yeah, she's starting to get wet, I know it. "You get to clean up the mess."

"You're an asshole," she says and smacks my arm a little. I let out a laugh but try to keep it down. I don't wanna draw too much attention or she'll pull away from me. I don't know why she hates it when I try to love on her like this in front of other people. I guess she's still kinda self-conscious. I don't know what the fuck she has to be self-conscious about. All of her friends are really cool about it. I didn't think they would be 'cause of the whole stereotype about suburbanites being homophobic or whatever, and when we first met them there was some tension about it, but they're over it. "You wouldn't help me clean up? You'd really make little ol' me do all of the work?" She has a pout on her face and it's so fuckin adorable. If only my sixteen-year-old self could see me now. I'm sure she'd gag or spit nails or something 'cause even the thought of being so lovey-dovey with someone used to make me ill.

"No, babe, I won't," I tell her and she gives me a little kiss on the lips. I glance over and sure enough Lucas is staring at us. Lucas is Mattie's best friend but every once in a while I over hear him say something to Mattie about us. I don't know if he really means it or if he's just giving Mattie a bad time but either way the kid usually gets a big bruise on his arm for it. Especially the day he said he wanted to bend us both over the kitchen table. I almost slapped the little punk myself for that one. "I'll make the kids help you out." She laughs a little and I kiss her on the neck again. I don't know why doin that is so damn addicting but it is. Probably 'cause every time I kiss her there I can feel her body kinda tense and then relax. I'm sure it's getting her kinda worked up and she's trying to play it cool.

"Hey Mom," Mattie says and we both look over. I can tell by the sound of his voice he wasn't talking to either of us specifically, just as long as one of us answers he won't care who. I kinda hate it when he does that. Anyway, he's walking towards us and he has his arm around Brooke's shoulders. These two have been getting a little bolder when it comes to doin stuff like that. They do it all the time when we're not around, whenever I pick him up from school or from the movies or whatever he has his arm around her, but they're normally not like this over here. I guess they're starting to get more comfortable with it. I don't really care as long as they keep it clean and respectful, but I can't say the same for B. "We're out of ice cream, can we go get some more?" He's hitting us up for money. I should've seen it coming 'cause he has on his puppy-dog face. He always does that when he wants money.

"Sure," B says and I feel her tense up. Damn, she really hates that he has his arm around Brooke. I really wanna know why she has such a fuckin hate-on for this girl. It's not like she's causing problems or she's rude or whatever. Yeah, a couple months ago Mattie was sneaking out and ditching school so they could be with each other during the day, but I put an end to that shit. His grades are doing better and he isn't sneaking out or ditching anymore. I know he's not sneaking out 'cause I had Willow put a magical alarm system on the house so I'd wake up if any of the kids try to leave at night. Pretty fuckin cool, huh? Magic is awesome. "Just don't be gone too long, ok? We have company." Yeah, I think he noticed that since some of the company is his friends.

"Ok, we won't," he says and he sounds a little irritated. He knows that B doesn't like his girlfriend but she won't tell either of us why. I really wanna know what the fuck is up with that but a little part of me says I'm better off not knowin. I look over at Brooke and she's being really fuckin quiet. She's not like a chatter box or anything like that but she normally doesn't stay silent. And I think I just figured out why. Her shirt is inside out. It's not totally obvious or anything 'cause it's just a plain black shirt without any designs or whatever but I can see the seams. They must've snuck off somewhere private like the garage or the pantry or something and fooled around. Damn, if B notices this isn't gonna end well. I let go of B and take a step forward.

"Brooke, are those new earrings?" I ask and step in front of her before B she really gets a chance to look. I don't want this night to end in bloodshed so keeping B in the dark about this is for the fuckin best. I'll tell her about it later before we go to bed 'cause she won't be as mad for as long. She'll be pissed at me tomorrow for not saying anything to her for a while but it's worth it if it means keeping the peace right now. Anyway, I get real close to Brooke and reach out and touch her earlobe, kinda move it a little bit so I can see the earring better. I can tell she's a little nervous 'cause the only time I ever get this close to any of the girls is when we're sparring.

"No, they're old, but I don't wear them very much," she says and she sounds just as nervous as she looks. I don't know why she's getting so fuckin nervous. It's not like I'm an asshole to her or anything. I've already told them that I get it. They're young and in love and all that crap, and as long as they don't break the rules we set up for 'em then we're fine. Maybe she's afraid I'm going to find out about their petting session or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. But she doesn't gotta worry 'cause I already know about it and I'm being pretty fuckin cool about it. I lean my face a little closer, like I'm trying to get a nice look at her earring, but that's not what I'm really doing. I'm trying to get close without making it too obvious so that B won't hear what I'm back to say.

"Your shirt's inside out, kiddo," I whisper as low as I can and I can practically feel her tense up. I put my hand on her shoulder and her muscle is hard as a fuckin rock. Damn, this kid needs to chill the fuck out. I'm trying as hard as I fuckin can not to think about why she's really this tense 'cause it's a thought I just don't need to have about a teenage girl, especially my son's girlfriend, ya know? I might give myself a complex or something. "Chill out, I'm not gonna make a big deal of it. Just get to the bathroom and fix it before Buffy sees it or there's gonna be a big scene, alright?" She nods her head a little and I can't help but smile. Poor kid probably thinks B is gonna try to kill her. She isn't wrong. I just think it's cute how afraid she is. "Well these are awesome. I might borrow 'em sometime." I make sure to say that loud enough for B to hear.

"Ok, sure," she says and she kind of a quiver to her voice. Man, I can't help but feel for this kid. She goes most of her life living in the gutter. She had pretty decent parents but they died in an accident and she doesn't have any other family so she got bumped from one foster home to the next. Most of the people she was sent to were bastards in it for the monthly government check and didn't give a damn about the kids. Most of 'em were really fuckin abusive. That's when she started running away and after she got her slayer powers she started defending herself against the foster parents and hospitalized most of 'em. Then she ran away for good and lived on the street for eight months before we found her. And now she finally found a guy who treats her right and his mom is kind of a bitch to her. "I need to go to the bathroom then we'll go, ok?" Brooke says and looks up at Mattie.

Smart, she isn't waiting around for an opportunity to leave and risk getting caught by B, she's making her own. He lets go of her and we all watch her leave. There's kind of an awkward silence going on between the three of us and I can tell just by the look on B's face that she didn't fall for that little earring bit. Of course she isn't going to fall for it. Since when do I give a fuck about earrings? The day after never, that's when. I can tell she's just dying to ask me about it but she isn't gonna say anything as long as Mattie is standing right there. I wonder how long it's gonna take for one of them to break. I can sit in silence all fuckin day long, used to do it in prison, but these two can't stand silence for very long. Especially when it's the tense kind that makes the air seem thicker and the sounds around you seem louder. Then you get that little bit of ringing in your ears and it makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

"Why don't you go get some money outta the coffee can?" I say to Mattie. What? Don't look at me like that. Just because I'm the one that broke the silence it doesn't mean shit. Mattie gives me this look like he's so fuckin relieved for an excuse to get out of here. I don't know why he didn't just leave. Normally if he doesn't have anything to say or we're not talking about anything interesting he doesn't stick around. It's not like I can blame him. Who wants to be around their parents when they're being boring? But whatever, I'm not gonna dwell on it. Now that he's gone there's no fucking reason for B to be quiet about the little exchange I had with Brooke and now I'm just counting down the seconds until she breaks. It shouldn't take long. It never does when it comes to this kinda thing.

"So what was that all about?" she asks and I can't help but smirk. Told you it wasn't gonna take long. Mattie's only been gone for forty-seven seconds and she couldn't stand not bringing it up. "Don't give me that look. What was the earring talk, some kind of code between the two of you?" I can't believe her. At least she doesn't sounds completely serious or I'd have to just walk away from this conversation or it might turn into a fight. She sounds like she's joking around though, partly at least, so I know she isn't gonna turn it into too big of a deal. At least I really fuckin hope not 'cause so far this barbeque has been pretty fun for everyone and I'd hate to fuckin ruin it 'cause B can't stand the fact that our little boy is growing up.

"Yep, B, you caught us. All of that was code. What Mattie meant when he asked to go get ice cream was really 'I want some special alone time with my girl' and me asking about Brooke's earrings was really code for where I stashed the condoms I bought for 'em," I tell her and my voice has so much sarcasm dripping off of it I'm surprised my tongue isn't getting all hard and crusty from the residual film that's probably growing on it. B gives me this look that's totally fuckin priceless. I don't really know how to describe it other than if I were a guy she'd probably try to cut my fuckin balls off. "B, I'm just joking. It wasn't code for anything, ok? I just liked her earrings, that's it." She doesn't believe me but I can't really blame her. It was a pretty lame cover.

"Oh yeah?" she asks and I node my head. I thought the five Strawberry Daiquiris loosened the stick that's up her ass whenever Brooke's around but I guess I was fuckin wrong. But again I can't really blame her about that 'cause I know in a couple of years when Addy starts dating I'm going to be so fuckin tense around the boy she brings home he's gonna be constantly on the verge of pissing his pants. And B is going to be saying shit like this to me just to get under my skin. Payback is a total fuckin bitch, but I'm not gonna bite my tongue just because she might be a bitch about it in the future. Did any of that shit make sense? "If you liked them so much, what did they look like?" Oh shit, I should've paid attention to what they looked like. Fuck!

"Alright, you got me," I tell her and fuck I need to come up with something else fast because if she finds out what I know then there is going to be blood and I'm sure some of mine will be mixed in the puddle of it when B's done with her rampage. Let's see, why else would I whisper to Brooke like that? Come on, think God dammit! She's looking at me with that smug, superior 'Buffy' face, and you know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about so don't even try to pretend like you don't know. "I didn't really like her earrings, but I needed an excuse to whisper to her." I'm not gonna wait for her to ask 'cause she's gonna come up with a thousand accusations and I really don't need that headache. "I noticed she had a little blood on her pants, ya know, like she started her period or something. I didn't want her to get embarrassed about it in front of Mattie so I told her she should go to the bathroom and get cleaned up." Holy fuck, that actually sounded believable.

"Oh," she says and that smug look gets wiped right the fuck off her face. I shouldn't be too mean about that. I am lying to her after all and even though there wasn't any code the two of them did have some 'special alone time'. Unless they put on some kinda show for Mattie's friends and I think I'm gonna take his bedroom door off the wall 'cause that thought just freaked me the fuck out. For real, I got goosebumps and everything. "Have I ever told you how glad I am to not be a teenager anymore?" I just shake my head no and let her talk about the all of the awful days of pimples and major hair decisions while I tune her out. So what the fuck was my kid up to exactly that made his girlfriend's shirt inside out? I'm gonna have to have a little talk with him about this later, that's for fucking sure. If anyone's gonna be getting to second in this house it's gonna be me and that little punk is gonna learn that.

BPOV

"Willow, she's an absolute doll," Kim says and I really want to roll my eyes. Not because of what she said. Ashlyn is a total doll. She's got the cute little button nose, and Willow's pretty green eyes, and Sky's light brown hair. She's wearing the cutest yellow sundress I've ever seen and I really want to ask Willow to magic me up one in my size, but that can wait until later. Anyway, I want to roll my eyes because I've been a little bitchy to Kim ever since she checked Faith out. I know she said she was just joking but what I saw in her eyes while she was ogling my wife wasn't a joke and there's no way she could have faked that. She wants her, even if she doesn't fully know it.

"Thank you," Will says and she sounds so proud. She has every right to be. Ashlyn isn't just a pretty face. She's really smart too, like ahead of the curve smart. She's also showing a lot of promise in the magic department. Although, that last one is more of a pain right now because the only time she ever uses magic is when she loses control of her emotions. She's only two, so that means she uses it when she has a temper tantrum. It's made grocery shopping a total pain in the ass and almost every Saturday I get a call asking to watch my little niece so Willow and Sky can do their shopping and run their errands without drawing all kinds of unwanted attention to themselves. "We try not to treat her like one, but she just looks so cute in those dresses with her hair back like that." Her hair is tied back with a pink ribbon. It's adorable.

"I know what you mean. We grow up playing with Barbie dolls and when we finally have a little living one of our own you just want to smother them in pink," she says and we all laugh. It wasn't that funny but we're a little buzzed. Besides, not laughing would be rude and we wouldn't want that. Being rude would be bad even though I've been fighting the urge to gouge her eyes out with a spoon. Seriously, what right does she think she has to look at my wife the way she did? She was practically fucking her with her eyes. Undressing her slowly and invading her with her gaze. Ok, I need to stop. Some sick little part of me is getting turned on by the thought of that, and I think it has to do with the number of Strawberry Daiquiris I've had and Faith almost constantly kissing my neck today. She knows that's one of my spots. Speaking of Faith.

"Baby, why don't you go get the ice cream that Matthew and Brooke bought?" I ask her in my baby-ish voice that drives her kinda crazy. She looks over at me and I know she wants to give me a dirty look but she's not because other people are watching. She knows I only said that to bug her and trust me she's not wrong. Ever since that little incident with Brooke, I've been a little cold towards Faith. I haven't let her touch me, which means she hasn't been able to piss all over her territory. She can say it's because she just wants to love on me all she wants, but I know she only clings to me during these get-togethers because she's jealous of the men watching me and fantasizing about me. I get jealous too but you don't see me peeing all over her leg like a dog.

"Ok, B. I'll just be a sec," she says and gives me a slap on the ass when she walks by. And I don't mean like a playful slap on the ass either. I'm talking about a slayer strength slap on the ass. She had a smile on her face when she did it, and to everyone else it looked playful and tame but I know what she's doing. She's trying to passive aggressively get back at me for the way I've been acting. And 'by the way I've been acting' I mean 'not letting her touch me or kiss me'. An hour and a half of her getting me worked up with no release was enough. I need to calm down before I have to drag her off to the garage and have a quickie like some hormone crazed teenager. I look over at Dawn and she has a smirk on her face. I wonder what the fuck that's about. Guess I'm going to find out.

"Wow, Buffy. I never thought I'd actually see the day you completely tamed the wild beast," she says and now Willow and Xander are smirking too. I don't know how many times we're going to have this conversation but it seems like whenever they're around we end up having it. The other woman who haven't known Faith as long have no idea what they're talking about and they look kind of confused. They don't know about Faith's past, not just the horrible childhood or the going to prison stuff, but the partying and staying out late and being a bad girl. Why does that sound so sexy in my head? Dammit Faith and her dumb lips kissing my spots and turning me on. I should go upstairs and get myself off just to have some fun without her.

"So Faith used to be a wild child, huh?" Kim asks and it takes every ounce of strength in my body not to smack her across the face. She has this smirk on her lips like she's imagining what Faith used to be like and I don't fucking like it at all. This is so fucked up. Kim is my best friend, after Willow and Xander of course, and I hate feeling this way about her. I shouldn't want to rip the face off my best friend because she imagined my wife naked. I honestly don't know what's bugging me more; the fact that she has a little crush on Faith or the fact that Faith has always had a little crush on her. Faith would never cheat on me, I trust her completely, but Kim has been very lonely lately and with the way her date went last night and how…frustrated she is, I'm afraid she might try something. It's irrational because Kim would never do that but I have a feeling deep inside that she might.

"Oh yeah," Dawn says and I really want to kick her in the shin or something to get her to stop talking. But I don't want to look crazy so I don't do that. "All of us could barely keep up with her." Ok, she's making it sound like Faith was some really wild alcoholic who probably did drugs and slept around, and that's not what she was like…after she got out of prison. "Most nights she wouldn't come home until sun up and she was too tired to make it to bed, she would just collapse on the couch and sleep until one in the afternoon." Ok, so maybe when we lived in Redding, she partied a little hard but she was finally free and freedom can be an overwhelming thing when you're not used to having it.

"Sounds like she was a real partier," Kim says and takes another sip of her drink. I think it's about time I cut her off. Obviously she doesn't handle her alcohol very well because I'm not the only one who noticed the tone of her voice when she said that just now. Willow's looking over at me with some concern. She's concerned because she's worried I'm going to get jealous and lash out. We've been best friends since high school I know what most of her looks mean. But I'm going to get jealous and lash out. Ok, so I'm not going to lash out. That would be rude and we wouldn't want to do anything like that at one of these get-togethers because it will be the gossip of the neighborhood for weeks and no one will talk to us for a while because they'd be too busy talking to everyone else behind our backs.

"You don't even know the half of it," Dawn says and I think it's about time I cup her off too because it's pretty obvious that after she's had a drink or two her judgment on what's considered over share goes out the freaking window. "She used to go to this nightclub called Club 151 and out drink all of the college kids and it's like their job to do nothing but drink and be slutty." Ok, seriously, who the hell does Dawn think she is telling my friends these kinds of stories about my wife? I don't think Dawn would like it if I told everyone about the father of her children. Then again, there's not really much for me to tell because I made it a point not to spend too much time with him. Considering he took my sister's virginity I probably should have spent more time with him to scare him off.

"She wasn't that bad. She just liked to let loose sometimes," I say and I can't help but feel like I'm lying. Faith kinda was that bad for a while. We would go out and party together and it was like she always had to do more. It was almost like she was still punishing herself for all of the things she did in Sunnydale while she was working for the mayor. But she got through it. It was hard and painful, but look at her now. "After we had Matthew she calmed down a lot. She says that he's a God send. That if we never had him or the other two, her liver would be nonexistent." That's partly true. Faith didn't exactly 'calm down' after Matthew was born. He was four months old when she promised me she'd stop drinking and that was after a huge fight when she accidentally cut him with a piece of glass.

"You're making it sound like she settled for you," Dawn says and if this were a cartoon there would be smoke coming out of my ears. I'm pretty sure she said that just to mess with me because Dawn has been doing that since she was a kid. Little sisters are so annoying sometimes. Ok, so they're annoying most of the time. I hate it when she says things like that about Faith, though. Like when she calls her a wild beast. I know she doesn't mean anything by it, but it really bothers me. Maybe it has to do with some of my insecurities. Sometimes I do feel like Faith is settling. I know she isn't but sometimes I just can't help but get the feeling like if I never got pregnant than she wouldn't have wanted to stay with me. But that's crazy.

"I am not. Faith didn't settle for me. She loves me and she would never do anything to risk losing what we have." I can't help but glance over at Kim when I say that. Ok, so maybe my insecurities aren't exactly being discreet right now, but that's not my fault. I blame it on the alcohol. Next time I need to stop at four. "We were having a baby, it was time for her to grow up, and she did. That's just what people do when they love someone. Faith isn't the settling type. If she didn't want to be with me and help me raise Matthew, than she wouldn't have." Wow, that is such a horrible thought. What the hell would I have done without her help? She's the one who kept me sane when I was sleep deprived and smelly because the first week he cried every two and a half hours and I was too tired to shower for like a week and a half.

"I was just joking around, Buffy. I know Faith loves you. Everyone with eyes can see that," she says and she sounds like she's really sorry. I should apologize to her later when no one else is around to see it. I didn't mean to go off like that but what she said cut pretty deep and I couldn't just force that down. I can't help but glance over at Kim again. Either she doesn't care what we've been talking about or she's really good at hiding her emotions because she doesn't look disappointed or anything. To be honest she looks kinda bored. Dawn goes to say something but she's cut off when we hear a loud noise. We look over at where the kids are playing on the porch and little Ashlyn does not look happy.

"Mom, make her stop," Joseph says and holds his little bottle of bubble…stuff out of the way. He and his cousins have been blowing bubbles for a few minutes and I guess Ashlyn wants to try it. But she's only two so she doesn't know how to ask. I guess she was just trying to take it from him. Poor boy, if he isn't being teased by his sister or ignored by his big brother he's being picked on by a two-year-old. Joseph walks over to the other side of the patio and starts blowing more bubbles. What is it with kids and bubbles? I mean, they're kinda pretty but it's just soap with air. Then again, I don't really have much room to talk because there's nothing I love more in my bath than bubbles. Well, that, and Faith's naked body.

"No, Ashlyn, that's not yours," Sky says and walks over to her everyone else kinda smiles because little Ashlyn looks really cute when she's kinda ticked off. Her face has a big frown and her eyebrows are furrowed. She looks just like Sky when the demon she's trying to slay gets away from her. Everyone is smiling except for Willow. I guess she doesn't like it that her baby girl doesn't know how to share yet. I would tell her that sharing is something that isn't fully grasped until they're…well, I can't really give her an age because my kids still don't really have it down and the oldest is a teenager. "Here, sweetie, play with this." Sky hands her a little toy dog but it doesn't look like she's happy with that.

"Want bubbles, Mommy, not doggy," she says and drops the toy dog to the ground. Luckily, it's just a stuffed animal so it doesn't break. Addison used to throw her toys so hard on the ground sometimes that little pieces would go flying everywhere. I used to think she did it when she was mad, but it turns out she just wanted to break stuff. It was a phase that thankfully only lasted about three or four months, but she caused a lot of property damage in her wake. At least she didn't break any of my table lamps, because between her and Matthew they would have destroyed them all. The store would have made a killing, though.

"You can have bubbles when we get home, ok?" Sky says but Ashlyn doesn't seem too happy with that answer. She has a big frown on her face and her eyes are watering up with tears. There's a good chance that she's faking it and just trying to get her way. By the time they were two, my kids had learned how to manipulate us. Mostly Faith. I didn't fall for their act as much as she did. Hell, she still gives in to the quivering lip every once in a while. I know because I use it myself sometimes. Two weeks ago, for example, there was a sale at the mall in Vegas and I needed to borrow some money from Faith. She was all against it until I pouted and made my lip quiver. Well, that and I also promised to buy some new sexy lingerie.

"No, Mommy. Want bubbles now," she says and she's so milking it for all its worth. Not only are her eyes watering and her bottom lip is quivering but she has the whole puppy-dog look down pat. Damn, she's good. And she's only two. Imagine what she's going to be like at five or ten. I'm surprised she doesn't have the two of them wrapped around her little fingers. I guess Willow can be a total pushover, from what Sky has said even though Willow will deny it, but from the looks of it Sky isn't standing her ground either. She's looking around, probably for another bottle of the bubble stuff but we don't have any more.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but you're going to have to wait," Sky says and rubs her back a little. I get it, I do. When your baby is upset you want to do anything to make them happy again, even if they are being kind of bratty. But Ashlyn isn't being bratty at all. She's doing a perfect puppy-dog routine. Well, she was up until a second ago. The tears are gone from her eyes and she looks so pissed off right now. Seriously, if we had a cat she probably would have skinned it with that look alone. The little hairs on the back of my neck start to tingle, and it feels like the air around me is becoming charged. Kind of like when there's lightning not far away. Uh-oh, this isn't going to end well.

"Mommy, I want bubbles," she says and she doesn't sound all sweet and sad anymore. Now she sounds bratty. She sounds like all of my kids sounded before they started throwing a temper tantrum. I hate it when the kids throw tantrums in public or in front of a lot of people. Not so much because they're behaving badly in front of others, but because whenever something like that happens everyone around you always judges you on the way you handle the situation. It's so freaking annoying. I don't think Sky's going to be having the normal type of criticism, though. I can tell that something is going to happen. Something that definitely shouldn't happen, especially not in front of the neighbors.

Sky is trying to calm Ashlyn down, but she starts yelling about wanting bubbles. That's normal two-year-old behavior. Willow steps forward to try and help but it doesn't matter. I can feel the magic coming from that kid. It starts out small at first. One little bubble appears in front of Ashlyn out of nowhere. It doesn't look like a normal bubble, though. Unless there's a type of bubble solution that makes them neon blue. My whole body tenses up because I just know this isn't going to end well. Another bubble shows up out of nowhere, this one a neon pink and another, this one a yellow. After that they start popping up out of nowhere and Ashlyn is still yelling, still throwing her tantrum. Within three or four minutes the entire back patio is completely covered in bubbles.

"Buffy, what the hell is going on?" Rachel yells and covers her drink. The bubbles aren't just on the patio, but they're starting to build up with nowhere else to go. Everyone is starting to get lost in a thick fog of multicolored bubbles. How the hell am I supposed to explain this? I hear people moving around but I can't see anything anymore. My eyes are starting to sting, to burn from the magical soap popping in my eyes. Then I hear something else that kinda makes my blood boil a little. I hear Ashlyn, only she isn't crying anymore, she's giggling. She finally got what she wanted, even if she had to use magic to get it.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Willow says over and over and over again. She should be sorry, her little brat completely ruined my barbeque. Not to mention my patio furniture. I have a feeling all of these colors aren't going to come out with just regular soap and water. Willow better have a magical fix for this or I don't know what I'm going to do. Ok, so I shouldn't be this mad right now. If you have a little kid who is showing promise in the magical department, which is what I said earlier, then you can't be too surprised when something magical happens. But is it too much to ask to go one fricking day without anything magical happening? Then I hear one of the worst sounds I've ever heard in my entire life and it comes from the Faith-shaped silhouette standing at the backdoor.

"I told you, B." I'm so going to kill Willow. Seriously, by the end of the day she's going to be a big pile of body parts formally known as Willow Danielle Rosenberg. And don't forget about Sky. I'm going to break her legs and feed her to a vampire or something just as vicious. She's the one who gave birth to that little monster. "I told you we shouldn't have bought that stupid bubble machine. But no, you just let the kids have whatever they want." Oh thank God, she's coming up with a cover. Why the hell didn't I think of that? Even though she's coming up with a cover, I know the 'I told you so' was really about the fight we had about this party. "I thought you hid it in the garage? Joey must've found it or something. You're not very good at hiding things." Whatever, I'm so awesome at hiding things and she knows it. "Now, who's going to clean up all of these bubbles?" That's a really good question. But yeah, at least the party wasn't crashed by zombies. That's a plus, right?


	89. Changes Of Epic Proportions

Three Weeks Later. BPOV

Something that no one ever tells you when you're growing up, is that having a normal life, for the most part, is kind of boring. Take right now for example: my nineteen-year-old self would be bored out of her mind if she had to sit through this. The boys are playing some video game that Faith brought home with her tonight, she's sprawled out on the couch and Missy is curled up on her stomach having her back scratched, and I'm braiding Addison's hair and we're watching the boys kill all kinds of monsters and whatnot. Totally boring, right? To my nineteen-year-old self, yes this would have her nodding off in no time. But for me these are the moments I fight so hard to get. A quiet evening with my family is worth all of the slaying and sacrifices I've made over the years.

"Come on, Joey, we need to clear this area or we won't be able to get to the next level," Matthew says and he sounds like he's getting a little irritated. He's a lot like Faith when it comes to videos games. He takes them a little too seriously. You should see the two of them play together. You'd think they were performing actual government operations through the television by the way they act. We've spent more money replacing the controllers Faith has slammed on the ground when she loses then we have table lamps that Matthew destroyed when he was little. Yeah, that's how bad it is.

"I'm not the one that keeps getting shot," Joey says and starts button mashing. I guess in a way that's cheating but since I don't really care I'm not going to point it out. They keep arguing back and forth while they play and I glance over at Faith. She's watching them with a little smirk on her face and I know exactly what that expression on her face means. I know because I have the same one on my face too. It's contentment. It's the look that says 'I can't believe we're so freaking _normal_.' But we are so freaking normal. A normal life is something I've always wanted especially after I became a slayer and I thought I would never have this. Yeah we still slay and have to deal with the occasional end of the world scenario, but that doesn't happen as often as it used to and for the most part we are just another normal kinda boring family.

"Ow, Mom, don't pull so hard," Addison says and reaches back to touch the spot on her scalp that hurts now. Oops, I guess I zoned out really bad back there and pulled a little too hard. I hate it when things like that happen. I tell her I'm sorry and then I lean forward and place a little kiss over the spot. I know she isn't three but there is something that kids never get too old for. Kissing the booboo is one of those things and thankfully she doesn't say anything about it. She's a fourth grader now so she's getting too old for certain things. Like having her swing pushed when we go to the park, and ordering her own food when we go out to eat instead of me telling the server for her. My little baby is growing up and I don't like it one bit. They really need to cut it out. One of these days they'll all be out of the house and I won't be able to see them every day.

The doorbell rings and I automatically glance over at the clock on the wall. Who the hell would be showing up at our house at nine-thirty at night? Ok, so it isn't all that late but all of our friends and family know to call before they come over. I don't know what it is about getting older but you kind of lose your tolerance for people just showing up at your house. I think it has something, or everything, to do with control. But I'm not going to dwell on it. Whoever is here is here and there's nothing I can do about it now. I glance over at Faith and she shakes her head no. I guess she's too comfortable to get up. I let out a little sigh and carefully maneuver around Addison so I don't step on her. The doorbell rings again and I let out an irritated sigh. Sasha starts barking and runs for the door. The big bad guard dog at work. As if. She's afraid of squirrels. I'd hate to see how she would react if we actually needed protecting.

"I'm coming!" I yell out as I make my way to the door. This better be important if this person is being so impatient. God I hope it's not too important. I really don't want to have to deal with an end of the world situation. But you never know. It could be Willow saying the school called and the world is going to catch on fire tonight if we don't stop some demons from performing a ritual, or it could be Dawn coming over to tell me about something that happened at work. It's a tossup, really. When I open the door my heart skips a beat in surprise, but there's also a little part of me that will never be surprised to see him. How come I didn't sense it was him? You'd think after all of this time my slayer senses would be a little more finely tuned. "Angel, what are you doing here?" He has a little smirk on his face and it's making me uncomfortable. Please tell me he hasn't turned. I really don't think I could handle that again.

"I'm sorry I didn't call first but I have to talk to you. It couldn't wait," he says and takes a step forward. I step back and open the door a little wider. If Angel had turned someone would have called me to tell me. Willow would be the first to know if he was evil again. When she did the spell the second time in L.A. there was so much intense magic going on and Angel was under the influence of that magic infused drug that they're linked somehow. Willow tried to explain it once but I couldn't follow. I lost her after 'so, it's like this'. She would have felt it if he lost his soul and she would have told me. Yeah, I would probably be a little cranky with her for waking me up in the middle of the night or something, but she knows it's more important than my potential crankiness. I think I need to start switching to decaf because my mind is racing all over the place right now.

Anyway, before I can open my mouth to tell him he's invited in he holds up his hand like the way people do to indicate they want the other person to stop talking. Ok, so what the hell is going on? Angel has never been invited into this house before and even if he were we would have done the invite reversal spell just in case. I honestly don't know why I was so stupid back in Sunnydale and didn't have Willow do that spell after all of the vampires in my life were just invited into my home. Now that I have kids Angel knows the drill. If he's ever invited in we're going to do the spell pretty much right after he leaves depending on the time of night. I'm not willing to take those same changes anymore. But he's never been invited in so right now that's not the issue. I take another step back as he puts his foot inside the doorway. What the hell? I stare at him with wide eyes as he walks through the doorway and stands next to me.

"Angel what…how?" I try to ask but I can't get the words completely out. This is so…I don't even know what this is. What does this mean? How can he just walk into my home like this? Does this mean that my town is more overrun with demons than I thought and how they're literally taking over? That happened in Sunnydale towards the end with the battle with the First. When I was kicked out of my house and I found that one to stay in and Spike showed up he didn't even need to be invited in because the town belonged to evil. I don't think that's the reason, though. He has a huge smile on his face now and I don't think I've ever seen his eyes gleam the way they are now. He's so happy. I've never seen him this happy, ever. An explanation right now would be of the good because my head feels like it's about to fall off.

"The Powers," he says and he sounds so excited. I'm still so confused that it's kind of hard to be happy with or for him since I still have no idea what the hell is going on. "They made me human." They did what? I can't breathe, and I think my heart stopped beating. Great, Angel is alive and now I'm dying. Talk about irony. "It happened yesterday. I saved a family from a hellhound and when I got back to the hotel, I changed." I honestly don't know how to react to that. He's human. Angel is human again. God that is never going to not sound weird. "It hurt, a lot. I guess being reborn doesn't happen easy." I finally start to gather my wits. Or maybe my wits start to force their way into my brain. Either way, I shut the door and step back further into the foyer and he steps towards me. He's being careful about staying out of my personal space but he's staying kind of close.

"Ok so when you say you were reborn, you mean you have a heartbeat and can regulate your own body temperature again and not the metaphorical 'reborn', right? Because if you're here to push any kind of religion and start talking to me about all of my sins I might have to throw you out the door," I say and he smiles at me again. Well, he smiles wider since his smile never really left in the first place. He shakes his head a little and scratches the back of his neck. Now that I'm really paying attention I can feel it. I can feel the body heat coming off of him. I can hear his heartbeat and it's beating loudly and very hard. Maybe he has some kind of condition. Or maybe he's just happy to see me. I'm sure that option is always on the table.

"It's nice to see you haven't lost your inappropriate sense of humor," he says and I can't help but smile a little. I used to think that things between us could never be easy. That seeing him would always feel like a knife to my heart, but right now it's not that difficult. Ok, so it's extremely hard to understand because he's human again and there are about a thousand questions running through my mind. Actually seeing him and being in the same room with him isn't hard like it used to be. It's actually kind of comforting that things can be like this. It doesn't have to be this hard struggle. I look over when I hear someone walking up to us, and I see Faith and she looks surprised. I guess there's a lot of that going around tonight.

"Hey Angel," she says and she sounds glad to see him. I hope she doesn't do that thing where she gets jealous because he and I used to date. I hate it when she gets jealous like that. Getting jealous of Spike I can totally understand because whenever he comes into town he always has selfish motives, but that hasn't happened in years so she doesn't have anything to worry about. "Didn't know you were stopping by our neck of the woods." She gives him a little smile and I see her eyebrows furrow just a little bit. She looks over at me and now she looks a little concerned. Ok, that was quick. What's going through her mind right now? "He looks happy." She looks over at him again and I can tell she's getting ready for an attack. "You're not evil again, are you? I've had a pretty good day. Hate to have you ruin it by showin up all soulless."

"He isn't evil," I tell her and I can't believe it. Angel is human again. Now that the shock is starting to wear off, I get it now. Angel is alive. He can be a normal man. He's going to grow old and die just like the rest of us. He can have a normal life now. "We don't have to worry about that anymore, right?" I probably should have asked that first. This is just such a big shock. I didn't even know something like this was possible. I'm going to have to get Willow on this. Make sure there aren't going to be any consequences. When she and the gang brought me back from the dead there was that evil hitchhiker. We need to make sure nothing like that happened. How does he even know it's the Powers that changed him? I'm starting to get a headache; too many questions, too small of a brain. "This doesn't come with any stringy loopholes?"

"No, no loopholes. I can be as happy as I want and not have to worry or feel guilty about it," he says and my eyes water up. I don't know why I'm having this reaction. I guess I'm just so freaking happy I don't know what else to do but cry. I step up to him and wrap him in a big hug. I feel his arms wrap around me and I put my head against his chest. I can hear it loud and clear; his heartbeat. I shut my eyes and just listen. There used to be nothing here. No comforting sound, just the harsh reminder that he would never be right for me because we're too different. I feel his body heat and that's another thing I thought I would never get to feel. His body itself was never a comfort on cold days. It never helped fight off the cold. It usually just made me shiver a little harder.

"Angel, I'm so happy for you," I tell him and look up into his eyes. I remember how I used to feel whenever we embraced like this. I used to feel like the luckiest girl in the world because I have this handsome man looking down on me with all the love in the universe. I don't feel like that now, obviously, but I still get a little flutter in my stomach at the memory of it. "This is so great." I'll admit that for just a moment I do get a little lost in his eyes. I've always thought that his eyes are beautiful but you could never really get anything out of them. Right now I can see his happiness and the relief he's feeling pouring out of him and his eyes are so bright and I can see his emotions passing through them. It's amazing to see and it's a little hypnotic.

"Ok, someone wanna tell me what's going on?" I hear Faith ask and I instantly break eye contact with Angel. I can't believe that happened. And I can't believe it happened right in front of Faith. I won't blame her if she gets jealous this time. That was so not a cool thing to do. It's one thing to be friendly with your ex but it's a whole other thing to be that open and kinda touchy feely in front of your wife. That's like rubbing her nose in the fact that Angel had me first. "I'm kinda in the dark over here." Wow, she's right. We haven't actually said the good news to her yet. We've just been going on and on about it without really saying it. I step out of Angel's arms and he lets me go without a problem. I stand next to Faith and hold onto her hand, and I can't get rid of the big dopey smile I have on my face.

"I'm not a vampire anymore," he says and he has that infectious smile on his face again. Faith must have some sort of natural immunity because she isn't smiling or smirking. She still looks confused and also a little irritated. I guess she agrees that I shouldn't have hugged him for that long or have gotten lost in his eyes the way I did when we were standing right in front of her. Nope, I think it's safe to say she doesn't like that at all. "The Powers turned me into a human. It's my reward for being their champion and saving so many lives." Tension falls over us as Faith doesn't respond right away. I have no idea what's going on inside her mind and I really hate it. Wouldn't it be nice to read minds at times like these? I think that would definitely help out a lot. I think I need to have Willow teach me how to do that.

I watch her face very closely. At first she's completely stiff. She doesn't really have any emotions on her face, except her eyes. You can tell that she's conflicted, or at least I can. I've been with her for so long I know what to look for. She takes in a little breath and lets it out very quickly. That's not a very good sign. I glance over at Angel and I can tell he looks worried too. I thought Faith of all people would be happy for him. He finally gets to live his life out in peace and then die naturally like everyone else. She should get that, right? They had that whole walkabout in Angel's head before she came back to Sunnydale so she knows more than anyone how much he's suffered. He saved her, brought her back from insanity, shouldn't she be happy for him? She lets go of my hand and walks back into the living room without saying a word. So much for happiness.

FPOV

I don't really know what to fuckin think about this. Five minutes ago I'm lying on the couch just relaxing and now this news has been thrown at me. How the hell could they just tell me like that? I feel completely blindsided. Angel just shows up, which isn't always a good thing, and he tells us this huge news without any warning. He's human, Angel is a human again. That doesn't sound real. It's like those words are magnets fighting against each other and no matter how hard you push 'em together they just won't stick. He's a human, he's normal. He isn't cursed anymore. He can do whatever the fuck he wants without having to worry about losing his soul. He finds that out and the first person he runs to is Buffy? Yeah, color me surprised on that one. That was sarcasm, I'm totally not surprised.

"You kids need to get to bed," I say and Addy looks a little irritated 'cause B didn't get to finish braiding her hair, but the boys don't even look up from the TV. Why did I buy 'em that new game when it's so close to Christmas? That should've been a present then I wouldn't have to deal with them right now. "Addy, just leave it down tonight. I'll brush it out really good in the morning, ok?" She nods her head and she doesn't say anything which is really fuckin surprising. This kid always has something to say. I guess she knows something is really wrong and she doesn't wanna step on anyone's toes. I know, that doesn't sound like her either but she's been surprising me a lot lately. "Guys, it's time for bed. Shut this off and head upstairs." They still ignore me and I'm out of patience. I reach down and rip the power cord out of the console and that got their fuckin attention.

"Mama, what the hell?" Mattie says and tosses his controller to the ground. Great, and it's time for another round of teenage hormone induced moodiness. Oh fucking joy. "It's not even nine-thirty and it's Friday." They both look pissed as hell. Well, Mattie looks pissed. Joey looks scared for his big brother 'cause he knows I'm not going to let that slide. I don't let my kids cuss at me like that but Mattie's been pushing all kinds of boundaries lately. I think we need to have a sparring match and I need to whop his ass so he knows who's in charge around here. I swear I don't know what the fuck runs through his head sometimes. B says its normal teenage boy behavior but I think it's more than that.

"You need to get to bed, ok? I need to talk with Mom and I need some privacy. You don't have to go to sleep, just stay in your rooms, ok?" I tell them, and they both look behind me. I can tell just by the look on Mattie's face that Buffy and Angel are standing in the living room now. He looks like a light bulb just went off in his mind and he stands up. He looks into my eyes and all of that attitude he was just giving me is gone. This kid switches gears so fast it's really fuckin hard to keep up. Joey stands up too and I can tell that he's really confused. I don't think he's ever met Angel, he's heard of him but he doesn't know what he looks like. It's not like B had any pictures lying around because vampires don't photograph, and even if they did she would have lost those pictures when Sunnydale went boom. I guess she can get a whole photo album full of 'em now if she wanted.

"Please don't fight," Mattie says and gives me a hug. Joey gives me one too and I give them both a kiss on the cheek. Damn, sometimes all you need is a tight hug from your kids to calm you the fuck down. I look over at the recliner and Addy is already gone. Addy knows who Angel is, she knows what he looks like and she doesn't really like him all that much. Probably because I didn't have a lot of nice things to say about him when she asked how I met him. And ok, I probably shouldn't have mentioned the whole 'he sometimes loses his soul and kills people' but I didn't want to lie to her. I'll have to check on her later after this is all over. Whatever this is. I don't know for sure what Angel's motives are but if it was to come and try and convince my wife to run off with him I don't think he's gonna be leaving with a face.

"I promise we won't fight. Goodnight, I love you," I tell them, and they say it back. I watch them walk up the stairs and I feel a lot calmer than I did just a few minutes ago. I guess it's because I know I have some people in my corner even if they aren't fully grown yet. I sit down on the couch and do my best to ignore the fact that they're both staring at me like I've gone completely fuckin crazy. Ok, so maybe they're not but that's what it feels like. I pick my little dog up and start petting her. I feel my heart rate slow down a little and I look up at Angel. I guess I need to put all of my cards on the table if this conversation is gonna go smoothly. "Sorry for just walking out on ya back there. I'm happy for you, I really am. I'm just really fuckin thrown, is all." He nods his head and they both sit down; Angel in the recliner and Buffy next to me on the couch.

"I understand. This is pretty shocking. I still can't fully wrap my mind around it myself," he says and I can tell he's telling the truth. I can tell because he's starting to brood and get all introspective. He's had a lot of time to perfect that. I hope he isn't like that for the rest of his life. Now that he has a limited time just like everyone else I want him to be able to open up and be happy with someone. I just want that 'someone' to not be my wife. I know I sound like a possessive dog but that's just the way I'm always gonna be when it comes to Angel. B may not feel the same about him anymore but he still feels pretty fuckin strongly about her and whenever he comes around he always brings out that possessive primal side of me.

"But this is a good thing, a really good thing," B says and she sounds like she's about to burst she's so happy. I look over at her and she has that big dopey smile on her face again. I have to admit I love seeing her like this no matter what the cause is. Ok, so if the cause is that she's really happy because someone other than me or her got her off than I'd have a problem with that. But I don't really have a problem with her being happy for Angel. I just wanna know what he's up to and not knowing is starting to get to me. Ok so it got to me the second he said he's human again. Those words still sound so fuckin strange even if they are just in my head. "You've worked so hard to redeem yourself and it finally happened." He chuckles a little and smiles and shakes his head. I guess it's weird for him to hear too. Glad I'm not the only one.

"I never thought it would happen in this lifetime," he says and shakes his head again. Wait, so he knew this might happen? He had a heads up that one day he could become human again and he kept that information to himself? I guess I get it. He didn't wanna give B false hope that they could one day be happy together and not become human until three hundred years from now. But that didn't happen. He is human again so what the fuck is he doing here? "I thought it would be after something a little more…special. Killing a hellhound is simple enough. Stopping the world from ending is a little more note worthy." I can't help the little chuckle that escapes my throat. Talk about redemption being anti-climatic. His smile goes away and he gets a more serious expression on his face. Ok, what the hell is this about? "Faith, you mind if I talk to Buffy alone for a minute?" Great, here it comes.

"I'd be lying if I said no," I tell him and I can practically feel Buffy tense up. I really don't want this shit to turn into a fight but I wanna know what the fuck he's going to say to her. I don't want to be left in the dark and I have a feeling he's not here with noble intentions. Probably gonna try to sweep her off her feet and why wouldn't she want that? This is Angel for God's sake. This is the one thing she's wanted most in her life and now it's being handed to her. You can't really blame me for being a little skittish about leaving the two of them alone in a room. I look over at B and she looks irritated but I can tell she's trying to hide it. I guess she doesn't want this to be a fight as much as I don't want it to be.

"But I get it," I say and shrug my shoulders. "You had this huge change and you wanna do the whole reunion thing. No big deal, I'll just get outta your way for a while. I'll do a quick patrol and let you guys talk." I can't believe I'm running off with my tail between my legs. And I'm running out of my own house no fucking less. I lean over and give B a kiss on the cheek. She looks confused but I don't give her the chance to say anything. I get up and leave the room. I put on my jacket, grab my cell phone and keys outta my purse and lock the door behind me when I leave. I don't really wanna leave 'cause I promised Mattie we weren't gonna fight and now he's gonna think we got into a fight but I can't be in that house with Angel there. He wants to talk to B alone and that's cool but I can't just sit in the kitchen like a jack ass while he says his piece to her.

Man, I really fuckin wish I had a cigarette. I quit smoking a long time ago and I don't get a lot of cravings but right now I'd kill for one. Or not 'cause I don't kill people anymore, but you know what I'm saying. This shit is huge. Angel is a human being. He's just a regular Joe like most of the world. I didn't get a chance to ask but I think it's safe to assume he doesn't have any super powers. No super strength, no accelerating healing, nothing like that. So what the fuck does this mean? Angel isn't the kinda guy to just back down from a fight. He'll run if he knows he can't win but if he sees someone in trouble he's gonna help 'em out. He could get killed now. He's been shot a bunch of times 'cause bullets are damaging but not lethal. What if he's walking down a street at night, he hears someone getting mugged, steps in to try and help 'em out, and gets shot in the chest?

I don't always get along with him, hell I don't always like him, but the big guy is important to me. He was there when I needed someone, pulled me back from the blackness that had consumed my life and now he's gonna die someday and it could be before I die. I don't think I could handle that. I don't think I could handle going to his funeral and laying a rose over his grave and say goodbye. Just that thought is making a tight knot form in my chest and my eyes are watering up. Fuck, I can't believe this shit is happening. I'm crying over nothing. Angel isn't stupid, he can be a little possessive and turn into a cro-mag when it comes to Buffy but he won't just jump in on a fight or try to take out some hella strong demon now that he's a person. I need to stop being such a fuckin baby all the time 'cause I'm getting too old to be by myself crying in the dark like some sixteen-year-old drama queen.

"What's the matter, sad eyes, life getting you down?" I hear someone ask and I hope to God that's a vampire 'cause if I don't get to beat the shit out of that guy for being creepy I'm gonna be really fuckin pissed off. I turn around and sure enough it's a vampire standing there. It looks like he's still in his funeral clothes. I was really hoping to get in a good fight tonight but this guy's a newb. I'm not going to get a good fight outta a newb. It hasn't happened so far in my life and I don't think it's ever gonna happen. But maybe tonight will be my luckily night and I'll get in a good slay. Then maybe I can head back home and work off the post slay double H's with B. If she isn't too busy mopey after her visit with Angel, I mean. This could put her in a funk for days and I'll be left to satisfy my itch on my own. Why am I fuckin thinking about this?

"Why do vamps always gotta be so damn creepy?" I ask and pull my stake outta my jacket pocket. He stops walking towards me and that creepy smile he has on his face goes away. I guess he's figuring out that this was the wrong chick to try and make a meal out of. I can't really blame him for picking me, though. Let's face it I'm totally bite-able. "Is it a predator thing 'cause dude it's bad enough you hunt people down like we're animals and kill us, but do you really gotta sound like a sexual predator while you do it?" He opens his mouth to say something but I guess I don't gotta whole lot of patience tonight 'cause I lunge before he gets a word out. I punch him in the face and kick up really fuckin high and clip him on his chin. He stumbles backwards and makes a noise like that really fucking hurt.

"Sorry, Fang, shoulda made myself clearer about that being rhetorical." I get into a defensive pose and wait for him to fight back. Maybe he'll have a little bit of fight in him after all. He starts doing that thing that newbie vamps do when they get in their first fight. Ya know, that weird stalking thing that reminds me of a cat. Ya know, they put their bodies a little lower to the ground, they lock their eyes onto you, and they growl a little in the back of their throats. It's creepy as hell and it always makes me feel like a gazelle about to be taken down by a hungry lion. All I gotta do is remember that I'm just as scary and the fear starts to go away. "Come on, Fang, aren't you gonna come and get it? Hot tasty meal just waiting for you right here." He lunges and I use his momentum to toss him to the ground.

My whole body tenses up, and I suck in a deep breath that I think got lost somewhere in my lungs when I feel someone grab my throat from behind. My back is pressed up against something hard and cold but also soft in the right places. I feel soft lips against my ear and sharp teeth nibble at my earlobe. Fuck, I am so fucked. How the fuck did I not see this one coming? I can't move, it's like I'm paralyzed and I hope no one finds out about this because that would be really embarrassing. The big, badass, scary Faith gets caught off guard and turns into a little damsel in distress. Yeah, my rep back at the school and the training house doesn't need that, that's for fucking sure.

"Naughty, naughty," the chick whispers into my ear and a cold shiver runs down my spine. There should have been a breath against my skin when she said that but there wasn't. So she's definitely a vampire. A fuckin wicked strong vampire since I can't get her off me and trust me I'm trying to throw her over my shoulder but it ain't working. "That's not very nice of you, trying to stake my Christopher. I just got him back." Great, so it's a weird, twisted love story. She was head over heels for this guy, she was turned, she turned him and now they're gonna live happily ever after being freaks together and slaughtering people as they please. Yeah, I don't fuckin think so. "I don't think I should even bother feeding from you. I think I'll just let you bleed." Before I can fuckin move or scream or do anything, this evil bitch slides a knife across my stomach faster than the blink of an eye.

"Come on, Christopher," I hear her say and she walks towards the vamp I was gonna stake. I fall to the ground and I think I'm going into shock. I don't think I've ever gone into shock before so I don't know what that feels like so I can't be a hundred percent sure but I think it's happening. My hands are shaking and I try to get my legs to move but they won't, my heart is beating like you wouldn't believe and I can't fuckin breathe. I look down at my wound and she cut my stomach open diagonally from the right side of my abdomen to the left side of my rib cage. There's blood everywhere but my intestines are still inside me so I guess she didn't cut too deep. "Let's go find you a proper meal, let someone else collect the trash." I'm gonna kill that fuckin bitch. Soon as my legs let me move I'm gonna beat the shit out of her and make her pay for what she did. I just bought this top and now it's shredded and she's gonna fuckin regret it.

BPOV

"I'm so sorry, Angel," I say and let out a little sigh. She can be such a drama queen sometimes. I get the fact that she doesn't like Angel. I can understand why she would be a little upset. She has this pathological fear that I'm going to leave her and now that Angel is human again and he isn't cursed anymore, I can understand why she might be a little freaked. She's completely wrong, though, and she left before I got the chance to tell her that. I don't know what's really going through her head right now and I'm afraid she's going to do something really stupid. I can't just leave the kids alone so I'll have to wait until she comes back to talk to her. "You know how Faith can get sometimes. Don't take it personally." His lips curl up in a little smile and he nods his head. Angel knows better than most people how Faith can be.

"She's really changed over the years," he says and he has that proud look on his face he gets whenever we talk about Faith. I totally understand it because I'm proud of her too. You have no idea how unbelievably proud I am of her and to be her wife. She's amazing, but I'm gushing and I really don't think anyone has the stomach for that. "I was expecting a fight, or a threat on her way out at least, but she just left." His eyebrows furrow a little bit and he has a more serious look on his face. It's strange seeing this. I'm not used to open-book Angel. I'm used to having to practically pull teeth to get him to really open up about what he's thinking and feeling. "Of course what I meant was for her to go into a different room, not leave the house entirely. Maybe I should have mentioned that." I can help the little chuckle that escapes that back of my throat.

"We wouldn't have gotten any privacy if she stayed. She would have eavesdropped on us eventually," I tell him and he nods his head a little. The suspense would have been too much for her to take and she would have tried to find out what he wants to tell me instead of just waiting for him to leave and hearing it from me. She really has come a long way over the years. "So, Angel, what did you want to talk about? It must be super important if you don't want anyone else to hear." I know why Faith is jealous, because Angel always has it in the back of his mind that maybe one day we'll be together. That would mean shoving Faith aside. I'm a little worried that's what he's about to propose but I don't think he's that stupid. At least I hope he's not that stupid.

"I wanted to give you this," he says and pulls an envelope out of his inside jacket pocket. He hands it to me and lets out a little sigh. It's weird hearing him do that. I've never heard him breathe before and it's going to take a long time to get used to it. "I wanted to leave you my contact information. My cell number, also Kennedy and Cordelia's contact information in case you need some extra help and I'm out of reach." Ok, what the hell is he talking about? I know we don't live in California anymore, but L.A. really isn't that far from here. It's a five hour drive if traffic isn't too hectic. Besides, I already have all of his contact information in case I need his help with something, and Faith would be the one to call Kennedy because I haven't spoken to her in years.

"Angel, what's this all about?" I ask and open the envelope. There's more in here than he said. If he was writing down contact information it would be a page, maybe two, but there are at least ten pages in here. "Are you going on vacation?" It's the only thing that makes sense, really. He shows up here saying he's human now, and then he gives me updated contact information and what I'm going to assume is a letter. If I were him, all of those years of living in the dark, sticking to the shadows, I would get to a beach right away and work on my tan. But I'm sure that's not what Angel is concerned about. Although to be honest, he really should be because that skin…yeah, I think it speaks for itself.

"Sort of," he says and smiles a little when Sasha puts her head on his knee. I guess she's decided he's not a bad or scary person since she wants him to pet her. He starts scratching the top of her head and it's nice to see. Tucker always hated Angel because of the whole vampire vibe. When we were in Ohio trying to get the slayers in training back on course Angel stopped by for a little visit when it got close to my birthday and Tucker went crazy. Luckily he was in his crate or he would have torn Angel apart. That's really not the thing I should be focusing on, though. I need to focus on why Angel looks kind of guilty right now. "I'm leaving the states and I don't know when I'll be coming back." I honestly don't know how to respond to that.

"Why?" That's always a good response. A classic, really, I'm not sure why I hesitated in the first place since it works so well in most cases. He shifts in his seat and he looks a little uncomfortable now. Ok, so what he's going to tell me might be something kind of private. Like, maybe he's been seeing someone long distance or something and now that he's human he can go to wherever she lives and be with her in person. Or maybe he's going back to Ireland to see what his hometown looks like now, ya know, in the daylight. Or maybe I should just stop jumping to conclusions and just let him talk. I think that sounds like a good option.

"I spent a lot of time in traveling around Europe, but most of the time it wasn't to take in the culture and see the sights. I caused so much death and destruction with Darla, and Drusilla and Spike. I want to go back and see it right. Go back in the day and see all of the things I missed out on the first time," he says and starts scratching behind my dog's ear. He found her weak spot. She's going to love him for the rest of her life. But that's not even close to the point I should be focusing on. Angel's leaving and he might not be coming back. He could find a different country to settle down in. Somewhere that's not here. We haven't been together for years but knowing he was just a phone call away was a comfort, like a security blanket, and now it's leaving. No more security or comfort for Buffy.

"I understand, Angel," I say and then my eyebrows furrow a little. You know, the way they do when I'm confused about something. And I am, confused about something that is. "But why did you want to tell that to me alone? Faith would have understood even without the explanation." She's been planning a trip to Boston to put some of her past to rest, she's just been a little too…cowardly is such a strong word so we'll go with busy. She's just been too busy to go. She would totally understand why Angel needs to go back to Europe. He looks a little embarrassed now and if we were still together seeing that look on his face and the little blush on his cheeks would make me want to kiss him. But I totally don't want to…at least not very much.

"I just didn't know how you would take it and sometimes you two feed off of each other's emotions. I didn't want to cause a big scene and then have it made even worse by Faith getting upset too," he says and I don't know if I should be offended. I feel like I should be offended but it sounds so rational it's hard to feel offended. I'll just wait until he leaves and then talk about it with Faith. I'm sure she's going to have a lot of not nice things to say too. She care about Angel, don't get me wrong, but I'm sure she's going to be a little hurt that he's leaving and when Faith is hurt by someone the smack talk can be pretty vicious.

"Yeah, I can see that," I say because I didn't know how else to respond to that. He keeps petting Sasha's head and he's looking down at her with a little smile. I don't think I've ever seen Angel this relaxed before. It's really nice to see him this way; calm, unburdened, and content. I'd like to think it mostly has to do with seeing me but I highly doubt that's the case. "She likes you. She doesn't like most people." He just shrugs his shoulders a little but it's true. This dog is kind of stand offish when it comes to most people. Except kids, she really loves playing with kids. But that's very far from the topic and I don't know why I keep getting distracted. Probably because my name starts with 'B' and ends with 'uffy'. "So when are you going on this big European tour?"

"As soon as I can. After I talk with Faith I'm driving to Vegas and getting on the earliest plane to London," he says and looks up at me. I can tell he's trying to read me and I try to hide my emotions but I don't think I'm doing a very good job. I settle more into the couch and let out a little sigh. I wish Faith were here. I can admit that I'm sad about Angel leaving and I want her to hold me. But that isn't going to happen. She took off to go slaying and now I have to deal with this by myself, at least for now. I hope she doesn't come back uber-horny or trying to have a conversation with her is going to be a nightmare. I chuckle a little at what he said and now he's looking at me like I'm crazy.

"Well you might be staying here for the night if you want to talk to Faith before you leave. Normally when she gets like this doing a quick patrol is code for going to the local bar a having a few drinks," I tell him and he gives me that look. You know the look that people get on their faces when they don't approve of something. Over the years I've stayed into contact with Angel. We talk very occasionally on the phone and during some of our rougher times I've shared my relationship problems with him. He knows that Faith had a problem with drinking and for a while it drove us apart. I guess this is him showing his concern. I just wish he didn't look so smug and condescending.

"It isn't like that," I tell him and his eyebrows quirk just a little bit. I can see he's going to be just as bad as Faith when it comes to the facial expressions. God help us all. "She isn't a heavy drinker like she used to be. Sometimes she just needs to unwind." He's still giving me the same look and I'm starting to get very agitated. He's just lucky I'm in a good mood or I might kick him out of my house for practically accusing my wife of being an alcoholic. "I know what it sounds like, it sounds like I'm making excuses for her but I'm not. It isn't a problem and unless you want to sleep on the porch with the dogs you'll lose the smarmy look." He sits up a little straighter and stops petting the dog. She lets out a little whine but he ignores it.

"As long as it isn't a problem," he says and I nod a little bit. I don't know what he would try to do if it was a problem. Even if he wasn't a human now it's not like he can just kick Faith out of our house. Now that I'm thinking about it, I really want to see him try. Now that he's a human I bet Faith could throw him clear across the front yard. That would be really funny to see. I'd have to pretend to be mad at her and go to his aid and all of that, but on the inside I would be falling to the floor with laughter. Anyway, getting back to what's actually happening right now in front of me. I shift around on the couch because I can't seem to get comfortable. I really want Faith to be here holding me in her arms and until that happens there's no such thing as the comfy spot.

"It's not," I say and my eyebrows furrow when I hear a noise. It sounded like footsteps on the front porch. Now that Matthew and Joseph aren't playing that loud game I can actually hear what is going on around me. "That's probably her right now. She just needed to let off a little steam." I get up and walk to the front door. The dogs follow me and they're both wagging their tails so hard their butts are wiggling back and forth. They only get that excited when Faith comes home and I don't know how they know it's her but it's freaky. I unlock the front door and when I open it I have to fight to hold back the scream of surprise that wants so badly to come out. "Oh my God!" Ok, so maybe I could have tried harder.

Faith falls to the floor in front of me and there's blood everywhere. Instantly I'm on my knees next to her and I roll her over onto her back. She's barely conscious and she's trying to say something but her words are barely above a whisper. My ears are pounding, probably because my heart is racing ten miles a minute and I gasp when I see the huge cut mark that starts at her abdomen and goes all the way up to her ribs. I put my hands on her and add as much pressure as I can. I don't want to hurt her but I need to get a hold of this bleeding or else she's going to die right here in the foyer. I hear footsteps behind me and I look up to see Angel looking just as shocked as I feel.

"Help me get her into the bathroom. We need to stop this bleeding," I tell him and he squats down and puts his hands under her and gets ready to lift. Faith isn't that heavy but I can't let go of her stomach or she'll start bleeding really bad again. I can't believe this happened. This wasn't supposed to happen! She was supposed to go out, do a little bit of slaying, have a beer or two at the bar and come home kinda tipsy and horny. She wasn't supposed to come back gutted and mumbling something about a vampire bitch. I can only assume she's talking about the thing that did this to her. Anyway, we carry her into the bathroom and set her down on the floor. I rip her shirt off and give a little thanks to whatever gods or goddesses were watching over her tonight. She's cut up pretty bad and she's lost a lot of blood but the wound isn't too deep which means her organs are safe.

"Under the sink," I say and look up at Angel. He looks pretty freaked but not as shocked as he did before. I guess he's used to seeing this kind of thing. With the line of work we're both in I'm surprised he was shocked at all. I'm sure he's faced just as many deadly demons as we have. Anyway, getting back to now. "The plastic container with the purple lid, it's the first aid kit. I need that like five minutes ago." He digs in the cupboard under the sink and Faith opens her eyes a little wider. I guess she's trying as hard as she can to stay awake. "Faith, baby, can you hear me?" I really wish I could caress her face, turn her head in my direction, anything to get her to look at me, but if I let go now she'll just start bleeding again.

"Ok, I got it," Angel says and before I can tell him exactly what I need out of our homemade kit, he rips the lid off and starts digging through it. I guess he really has done something like this before because he's grabbing all of the right stuff: the anesthetic, the sutures, and the bottle of pain killers. He injects her with the local anesthetic and when the needle goes into her skin she whimpers. That's good, that means her body isn't going into shock or anything. I'm surprised that hasn't happened. Sure, Faith is strong and it seems like she always has adrenaline flowing through her veins but this is way worse than the normal wounds she gets on patrol. After she's numb Angel opens the pack of sutures and I reach out to take it from him because giving Faith stitches is something I've always done and I can be pretty possessive about it for some reason.

"I've got this," Angel says and a small part of me wants to reach out and take the needle and thread from him like a three year old, but I don't. "I know what I'm doing. I've done this too many times to count. You just try to keep her awake." That sounds like a good plan. She's lost a lot of blood but she doesn't look like she needs a transfusion and unfortunately I know what that would look like. Even though wounds like this aren't normal, we get them often enough, and most of the time our bodies will start to heal because we're slayers. I know that's the only reason she isn't dead right now and that thought is chilling me all the way to my soul as melodramatic as that sounds. Can someone please tell me when this crap is going to stop? I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take, how many more times I can clean blood off my floors, before I finally snap, and trust me that is not a fun feeling to have.

FPOV

I can't fucking believe this shit is happening to me again. How many times over the years have I been stabbed, sliced, blown up, or beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die? That question wasn't rhetorical, I want a number. The point is, I'm getting too told for this shit. I go out for a quiet patrol to get my brood on and then I'm gutted by some bitch vampire 'cause her boyfriend attacked me and I was defending myself. And I am not trash! Slayer blood is considered a delicacy and I'm one of the originals so my blood is like top shelf, dammit. Any vamp should consider themselves fuckin lucky and practically touched by God if they ever got a taste of my O neg.

What the fuck ever. I'm not going to worry about some random vampire guttin me the way she did when I have an ex-vampire in the house that I still need to talk to. I don't know why he wanted me outta the room in the first place. I regained consciousness while Angel was stitching me back up and there isn't any weird tension between him and B so I'm pretty sure he didn't ask her to run off with him. But something definitely isn't right. There's something B's not telling me and I know because she won't stay by my side for more than a minute or two and normally when I get hurt like this she won't leave until she absolutely has to. I don't wanna sound like a baby but I'm starting to feel a little neglected over here.

"Mama?" Fuck! That scared the hell out of me. Man, this kid has always had a bad habit of sneaking up on me when I'm injured and downed. I look over and Addy is standing a few feet away from the bed and she looks nervous. I guess she could tell I jumped and now she's afraid I'm going to get mad. At least that's what I'm assuming. She could be nervous because Angel's still here. Who am I kidding? She's nervous because I'm hurt and she knows it and she doesn't want to get in trouble for being out of bed so late, but at the same time she wants to make sure I'm ok. This kid has always been like that, ever since she was just a little thing.

"Hey, what are you still doin up, Angel Girl?" I ask in the softest tone I can summon at the moment and I surprised even myself by how gentle it was. I'm in pain, I'm kinda drugged, and B won't stay in the same room with me for more than a minute so you bet your ass I'm in a bad mood right now. Anyway, Addy steps closer but she's still being cautious. I know 'cause she's picking at her cuticles and she only does that when she's really nervous. Plus she won't make eye contact with me. She's too busy staring at the huge bandage across my stomach and ribs. But she keeps inching closer so at least she isn't letting her nerves hold her back. She takes after her mother, too stubborn for her own good.

"I heard a lot of noise and I couldn't get to sleep," she says and stands next to the bed. She isn't too far away from me but she's keeping her distance. I don't want her to be nervous around me. I feel kinda sick with myself that my kid is so afraid of me that she won't come near me when I'm hurt. What the fuck kind of a mother am I? I do the only thing I can think of to make her feel a little better. I hold out my arms towards her and she gets the message right away. She climbs onto the bed and sits down next to me. I'm propped up on the pillows and resting against the headboard. B thinks it would be better if I stayed elevated or whatever and since I don't feel like arguing with her that's exactly what I'm doing. "Mama, what hurt you?" Her voice is so soft and quiet and I'm getting flashbacks to the time B was kidnapped by that demon and I was lying in the hotel bed beaten to hell and back.

"A vampire, baby," I tell her and I wrap one of my arms around her. It hurts a little 'cause the anesthetic is wearing off but I'm going to comfort her even if it does cause me pain. She's my baby girl. That takes priority over my own well being. "It was just a vampire." I give her a little kiss on the side of the head but she still looks worried. I have no idea what she's thinking and I can't help but tear up a little bit 'cause she looks so damn much like Buffy right now. Fuck, I hate these pain killers. They make it impossible for me to keep my emotions in check. Her expression is just like Buffy's, she's acting just like Buffy, but she's not Buffy. I practically had surgery done on me on my bathroom floor, I could have died tonight, and what I need the most right now is my wife sitting next to me letting me know that everything is going to be ok.

"Did you stake the vampire?" she asks and her little eyebrows furrow. She's worried about something. What I'm not sure. If I had to guess I'd say she's worried about the fact that her mom was sliced open and the thing that did it could still be walking around. Yeah, that's a pretty scary thought considering my daughter thinks I'm in biggest, baddest slayer in the whole fuckin world. And don't you fuckin forget it. I'm not too sure how to answer that. Should I lie to her and say I staked it? I have to tell B what really went down so she can get someone after that bitch, and if Addy over hears me saying it she might freak out even worse. Ok, I guess I gotta just bite the bullet and hope for the best. Why can't kids come with manuals? That would be so fuckin sweet.

"No, I didn't," I say and now she looks a little freaked out. So I was right, she was worried about a big monster roaming around. And now she's probably afraid to go outside. Addy isn't as sure of herself when it comes to the slaying at Mattie is. She's always been extra cautious when it comes to anything she doesn't have complete control over. Like learning how to swim. That's still an ongoing process. "But I beat it up pretty bad. Auntie Sky or Lily will find it and put it out of its misery since I left it barely walkin. This right here…" I point at the huge bandage covering my stomach and she glances down. She looks totally freaked out by it. "…just a lucky shot. You got nothin to worry about, Toots." She smiles a little 'cause I don't call her that very often and when I do it always makes her smile. She rests her head against my shoulder but she's not putting much weight on it. Guess she's afraid she's gonna hurt me.

"How bad did it hurt?" she asks and she looks like she wants to reach out and touch the bandage which isn't unusual. It seems like all little kids are fascinated with things that are kinda fuckin gross and all these stitches and my red and kinda swollen skin are pretty fuckin gross. I need to word my answer very fuckin carefully. Ever since we had that incident a while back when me and Addy were trapped in that mine shaft she isn't as gung-ho about patrolling or training or anything to do with slaying at all. B thinks she's traumatized but I think she's just starting to understand that slaying can be dangerous and she wants to proceed with caution. Either way, I need to be careful 'cause if I say the wrong thing I could scare her really fuckin bad since she's already on edge about the whole slaying thing.

"I'm not gonna lie to ya, it hurt really bad, but it doesn't hurt anymore," I say and yeah I'm lying but it's just a little white lie. Parents tell white lies to their kids all the time to protect them and that's exactly what I'm doing. The expression on her face changes and now she doesn't look freaked anymore, she looks worried. Since she's looking down at my stomach I'm going to assume she's worried about the wound. I'm not going to show it to her 'cause it'll just gross her out and she doesn't really need to see a wound like this if she's already afraid of getting hurt on patrol. "Don't worry, Addy, Angel fixed me up alright and in a couple days I'll be as good as new." Except I'm going to have a pretty wicked scar, even more wicked than the one B gave me. "The stitches are starting to make my stomach itch." Yeah, I just whined like a two year old but it made her smile so I'll pretend that was the reason I did it.

"Am I ever going to get hurt like that?" she asks and she leans a little more of her weight against me. I guess she's not as afraid of hurting me anymore. I'm glad. I don't want her to feel like she has to walk on egg shells when she's around me. That question is making me really fuckin worried. How the hell am I supposed to answer that without freaking her out? I don't want to lie and make her feel like it's impossible for her to get hurt on patrol because we both know that's not fuckin true. But I don't want her losing sleep over the thought of getting cut up like this. This is another reason why Buffy should be in the room right now instead of out there doing God knows what. She's better at explaining shit like this to the kids. But since she's not here I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and do this myself.

"You might, Angel Girl," I say and hug her a little tighter. I really don't want to scare her but I need to be as honest as I can with her. It would be wrong to mislead her. "Slaying is dangerous. Your mom and I make it look easy 'cause we've been doing it for so long and we had a lot of good training, but every once in a while the bad guys get in a lucky shot." This was more than just a lucky shot. That vampire was so strong I couldn't even fuckin move. We're definitely gonna have to look into it. Maybe she has some special kind of super power. B told me a vamp named Drusilla could hypnotize people, and she was prophetic. "Lots of slayers get hurt but they get patched up, and their accelerated healing makes them all better and they go back out and fight because they believe it's the right thing to do." I feel her take in a deep breath but she doesn't let it out right away.

"Will you be mad at me if I don't want to be a slayer anymore?" she asks and her voice sound so fucking small. I didn't think it was possible for her to sound like that. Addy's always had a big personality and she always takes up all the space in a room just with her larger than life presence. Now she sounds like she's about the size of a church mouse and just as quiet. And I can't believe she thinks I'd be mad at her. What the fuck have I been doing to my kids over the years that they're so damn afraid of me when they wanna make big decisions? I need to start having more one-on-one talks with them if this is the reaction I get whenever we have one. Anyway, I give her a kiss on the side of her head and hug her to me a little tighter. Right now that's pretty freakin tight but she's not complaining.

"No, Addy, I'm not gonna be mad," I say and my voice sounds all fucked up. Probably because I'm holding back some tears. It's the drugs, they make it hella fuckin hard for me to keep my emotions in check and I'm getting a little overly emotional right now. Damn, I wish B were in here to help me out 'cause this is gonna get hard if I'm trying to comfort her and trying not to cry at the same time. "You'll always be a slayer, sweetie, that's just the way you were born. But if you don't want to train with your brothers and patrol with your mom and me, you don't have to. You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up and if you don't want to be an active slayer that's ok." I give her another kiss on the head and she wraps her arms around me in a big hug and I have to fight back the pain 'cause she's pressing against some of the stitches. Fuck, that really fucking hurts.

"Addison, how's the patient doing?" B asks and walks into the room. I didn't even hear her coming. These drugs must be fucking me up if my senses are that dulled. She's got a little smile on her face and I can think of a reason why. She must've over heard our conversation from the doorway 'cause it's the 'my wife and kids make my heart melt' smile. She's got a million of 'em and I know them all. I smile back at her and Addy pulls back from the hug, thank God, and scoots away from me a little bit. I try not to pout about it because I don't wanna look like I'm two but there's nothing better than cuddling with your kids. Cuddling with B in a post sex haze runs a very close second, but the kids are number one. Anyway, B sits down on the bed and I hold onto her hand. Now that she's finally here I'm gonna make sure she stays put.

"She's doing ok," Addy says and relaxes. She was all tensed up. Probably worried she was going to get in trouble for being up past her bedtime. "She said her stitches were making her itchy." Now why did she have to go and say something like that? B doesn't need to know what's going on under the bandage 'cause now she's going to leave to go find something to stop the itching and I just want her to stay with me. I look over at B and she smiles and gets that condescending look on her face. Great, so it's going to be one of those responses. Why oh why did Addy have to say something?

"Awww, poor baby," she says and I roll my eyes a little. I can't believe she's making fun of me after I was almost gutted and left for dead. Well, now that I'm thinking about it I can totally believe she'd do something like that. Before I get a chance to say anything she leans forward and places the softest kiss she's even give me on my lips and I get a fucked up feeling in my chest. This woman is going to be the death of me, I swear it. Being loved to death doesn't sound so bad, though. Anyway, she ends the kiss and looks into my eyes with a sweet smile on her face and starts running her fingers through my hair.

"Did I say it was just itching? 'Cause it hurts really bad too," I say and I get a big pout on my face. You might think I'm acting like a big baby and I'm just milking this for all it's worth, which I'm so fucking going to do, but you should see B when she gets something little like a paper cut. Total fuckin drama. You'd think her whole hand had been sliced open the way she'll go on and on about it just to get sympathy kisses. And it works every fuckin time 'cause I think she's so fuckin adorable when she's all pouty and I'm never going to turn down make-out time with B. I mean, you've seen her, right? So you can't really blame me for that. Anyway, B's smile gets a little bigger and she gently caresses my cheek and I let out a little sigh. This is just what I needed.

"I know what will make you feel better," she says and kisses me again. We keep it tame since we have an audience in the room. Kinda sucks because I really wanna feel her up. It's kinda crazy that we've been together for so long and we're still hot for each other. Not as much as we used to be before we had kids, but it still only takes a look from her and I'm worked up and ready to ravish her. I can't help the little moan that sneaks out the back of my throat when she lightly tugs on my hair. She's always been a hair puller and it gets me worked up like you wouldn't fuckin believe. I hear a little giggle and it brings me back to reality. We end the kiss and I look over at the source of the giggling and I can't help the smile that spreads across my face at the adorable look on Addy's face.

"What's so funny?" B asks and Addy giggles a little more. I reach over and tickle her under her armpits and that makes her laugh even harder. This kid's armpits are so fuckin sensitive to being tickled. She takes after B and it's pretty much awesome. Addy scoots away and if I weren't injured I'd go after her. That's probably not a good idea, though. She'd get all riled up and then I'd get yelled at by B for getting her all riled up when she's supposed to be calming down so she can go to bed. I swear, sometimes having a wife is like living with your mom only not in a creepy incestuous way. "Come on, what are you laughing about?" It's gonna drive B crazy until Addy tells her. B hates it when people laugh but try to keep the reason a secret. It's usually pretty funny to watch when it's the kids who are doing it.

"Joe always pouts and whines when he wants your attention and I think he learned it from Mama," she says and I give her a little glare but I'm smirking too so she knows I'm just joking around. Buffy reaches over and tickles her some more and I can't stop a huge smile from breakin out on my face when she squeals and starts laughing like crazy. God damn this kid makes my heart fuckin melt. "It's true, Mom." She's trying not to laugh while she talks, and her voice sounds kinda weird but adorable. She looks over at me with a little smirk on her face and I know she's going to say something I'm not gonna like. How do I know that? 'Cause it's the same look I get on my face before I start teasing Buffy or Willow or Xander or Lily or Sky and pretty much everyone else I know. "Mama can be a big baby sometimes." I try to grab her so I can tickle her but she jumps outta my reach and crawls into Buffy's lap.

"Ok, that's enough," B says and gives Addy a kiss on the top of her head. "Time to go to bed, Angel Girl." Addy groans the way almost all little kids do when it's time to go to bed. But as soon as the groan leaves she yawns a huge fuckin yawn and I can tell she just decided against arguing that she's not tired 'cause now we all know it's a total lie. "Come on, I'll tuck you in. Oh Faith, before I forget, Angel wanted me to give this to you." What the fuck? She pulls an envelope out of her hoodie pocket and hands it to me. "He didn't want to stay since it's getting so late so he wrote down everything he wanted to say to you." Huh, guess I shouldn't have stormed outta the house like that. Not only 'cause I got sliced up, but 'cause the big guy wanted to talk to me too after all. Well now I feel stupid.

Anyway, I tell Addy goodnight and she gives me a kiss on the cheek and B herds her off to bed. I open the envelope and take the letter out. It's not as long as I thought it was going to be, only two pages, but I shouldn't be too surprised. If he wrote one for B I'm sure it would be hella fuckin long, but he knows I don't need every little detail like she does. Just give me the gist and move on, that's all I really need. According to this the big guy isn't gonna be around. Says he needs to get away, go back to all the places he helped destroy, or took advantage of while humans were doing the destroying so he can put it to rest once and for all. I totally fucking get that. I wanna head back to Boston for a little visit to put some of my ghosts to rest, but it hasn't happened. Guess if Angel is brave enough to face his past I can be brave enough to face mine. Even when the guy's not here he's giving me strength. He's kind of an ass like that.


	90. Two Weeks To The Day

**Three Weeks Later**. FPOV

"I'm going to miss you," B says and she gives me a little kiss on my cheek. We've been lying in bed just holding each other for a while now. I don't know how long but it feels like it's been hours. That isn't a bad thing. If she never lets go of me and I die in her arms I still won't get enough of her. I feel so safe, so secure when she holds me like this and I'd be lying if I didn't admit at least to myself that she's turned me into a pussy for this shit. I wrap my arms a little tighter around her and she squeezes back just as hard. We've been living together for so long it's hard to imagine a whole day without seeing her but that's gonna be happening for a week, at least. This is something that I have to do, but I don't know if I'm going to make it that long without seeing her for more than a couple days.

"I'm gonna miss you too, B," I say and she hugs me a little tighter. We've just been lying here for about half an hour and I'm sure the kids think we're crazy. I'm leaving in the morning and we've been in here since eight o' clock just holding each other. The last time I had to leave like this I took off to find that warlock who was killing those slayers. The one Addy was having nightmares about and it terrorized her for months. It was a pretty fucked up situation and I had to leave right away, I didn't have time to sit and think about it. Well, this is something I've had plenty of time to sit and think about and I'm starting to change my mind. I'm starting to chicken the fuck out and I don't want to go. I don't want to leave my bed or the safety of my wife's arms. I wanna just lie here and listen to her heartbeat and feel her pressed right up against me.

This whole trip wasn't real up until now. It was just an idea I've had for a really long time and I never thought it would ever happen. It's one of those things you keep telling yourself you're going to eventually get around to but you never do. Even when I was making the plans, making the reservations and talking to my kids about me leaving for a few days, it still didn't feel real. Now that I'm supposed to leave in nine hours it's really fuckin real. My stomach has been tying itself in knots for the last half hour and I have this weird tingly feeling going up and down my spine. I feel like I'm gonna throw up, that's how fuckin nervous I am. It's really fuckin weird. I can slay demons and hunt down vampires and save the fuckin world from the worst evil ever, but the thought of getting on a plane and heading out for a few days cripples me.

"You're so tense, sweetie, are you nervous about tomorrow?" she asks and she starts rubbing my back. I nod my head because there's a big lump in my throat and I don't want to try and talk. If I try to talk I'll end up bawling like a baby. I'm not that codependent. I'm not about to cry because I'm leaving my family for a few days. I'm about to cry because of the thought of where I'm going. I've never been there before and it's scary. I'm nervous, I don't know what to except, and I won't have a safety net to keep me from falling off the deep end. "I wish I could be there with you. The first time I went back I went by myself. It was so hard and I regret not taking someone with me, but I know this is something you need to do on your own." She's gonna kill me with sweetness tonight. "Are you sure this is something you have to do on your own?" She sounds a little timid and I don't blame her. My emotions have been all over the place today.

"Yeah, babe, this is something I gotta do by myself," I tell her and my voice sounds so fuckin strained 'cause I'm trying really hard not to cry. If this is how I'm acting before I even leave the house than how the fuck am I going to act once I get there? Man, this is gonna suck so fucking hard. She lets out a little sigh and I feel bad about it. I know how she's feeling right now. She feels useless 'cause I'm going through this and she can't do anything to help me. Well, she's helping me just by being here but there's nothing she can do to make this any easier, to make this just go away. I feel like I need to say something to comfort her. "I know you want to go with me, but I need you here, B. I need to know our babies are safe or else it'll be too much, ya know?" She lets out another little sigh and gives me a kiss on the side of my head. She can be such a mother sometimes.

"Yeah, I know. I just hate seeing you like this. I wish there was something I could do to make it disappear; kill a demon, wave a magic wand or something. I hate feeling so useless," she says and I can't help the little chuckle that escapes my throat. See, I told you I knew exactly what she was feeling. She lets out her own little chuckle and I hold onto her a little tighter. Any tighter and she's not gonna be able to breathe. I don't think she cares, though, otherwise she would say something. B doesn't put up with being squeezed to death for very long. Hmm, death by cuddling, you don't hear about that every day. Man, my mind gets pretty fucked up when I'm trying to avoid something. Maybe I need to stop being such a fucking pussy about this and just own up to it. Yeah, that sounds like it could work, ya know, if I weren't such a fuckin pussy about it.

"Don't forget my dad said if you need any help just give him a call. They can be total assholes when they wanna be," I say and she lets out another little sigh. The kids are still out for winter break so B is gonna have all three of them by herself while I'm gone. It isn't that big of a deal 'cause they're old enough now that they don't have to be watched like a hawk all the fuckin time. It makes things easier, that's for fucking sure, but they can be dicks when they get stir crazy and B is going to be too worried about me to take them anywhere. Maybe she'll just pawn them off on the neighbors or something. Then again maybe she'll want the distraction and decide to take them to the movies or to the park or something just to get her mind off things. Or maybe I'm blowing this way outta proportion and she's not gonna be worried at all.

"I know. Joseph's the worst when he gets bored. He used to be such a quiet little boy, what happened to that?" she asks and she sounds like she's trying to figure it out. It makes me laugh a little and I give her a little kiss right over her heart. I get a big whiff of her perfume and damn I'm gonna miss the smell of her. I might have to steal her perfume and take it with me and spray it over the bed I'm gonna be sleeping on. Even though I've mostly been freaking out about where it is I'm going, I really am going to miss her. She's my rock and being all the way across the country without her is gonna be tough. But no one is forcing me to do this. If I really didn't wanna go I'd just cancel my flight and reservations. It would only take five minutes then I could forget about all of this, but like I said before, this is just something I need to do.

"Maybe he's making up for lost time," I say and she laughs a little. I love the sound of her laugh. I think it's one of my favorite sounds. My favorite sound in the whole world is the little throaty moans she lets out when she's coming. Yeah, that's definitely my favorite sound. My second favorite sound, for those who are wondering, is the sound of my kids getting along whenever they play together. It doesn't happen very often but whenever they decide to make nice and pull out a board game or a deck of cards they're always laughing their asses off and it's one of the most amazing things I'll ever hear. I have a few more but I won't bore you with the details 'cause who really gives a shit besides me? "I hate that I'm not gonna be able to do this whenever I want." She lets out a little chuckle again and I pull back just enough to look at her beautiful face.

"Baby, you're going to Boston for three days, you're not dying. You'll still be able to hold me hostage whenever you want when you get back," she says and I frown a little bit. I can't believe she's acting like it's not a big deal. And I'm not holding her hostage. I'm just letting her hold me and holding onto her like a baby kola holds onto its mom. Ok, so maybe she does have shit to do and I'm stopping her from doing it but she can always do that later. Or make Mattie do it. Then again the last time he tried to do laundry the washer overflowed and we had about two thousand dollars worth of water damage to the floor. I have some more packing I need to get done, especially if I'm going to steal her perfume. "I need to take down all of the decorations. Or do you want me to wait until you get back?" Yesterday was Christmas and like almost always it was pretty awesome.

"You can go ahead and take 'em down if you want. I don't care either way," I tell her and give her a little kiss on the lips. Hmm, she's wearing the cherry flavored lip gloss. I love it when she wears the cherry flavored lip gloss. The kiss lingers for a few seconds and I want it to turn into more but before it does B pulls back with a cute little smile on her face. We've been together almost two decades and I still think she's the most beautiful creature to walk this planet, especially now that she's getting older. I don't know what it is about the little wrinkles around her eyes but they're so fuckin sexy. Guess I think they're like her war wounds or something for making it this far. She's also got some gray hairs showing up and I think that's sexy as hell. She's not very happy about it but I love it.

"I don't know, it might be kind of weird," she says and gives me a little kiss on the top of the head. "We always do that together." If you haven't noticed Buffy's really big on tradition and sometimes it can be annoying. How it became a tradition that we take down the Christmas decorations, I'll never fucking know. Some years it can be pretty fun, though, especially when the kids leave the house. One time B tied me to a chair with the garland and went down on me for forty-five minutes. There's just something about this time of year that makes B really frisky. I don't know what it is but I hope it never goes away. "I could just leave them up until you get back. We can take them down then." I get a little smirk on my face and leave another little kiss right over her heart. I would answer her but then it would be dirty and she might not like that. I don't wanna risk losing this contact.

"Mom," Joey says when he walks into the room holding a box in his hands. Thank God, he just saved me from having to say something and I know I would've made a total ass out of myself. "Addison won't let me play with her." Addy's going through a phase and it's getting kind of annoying 'cause little Joey feels left out, but I get it. When I was her age I didn't wanna play with kids that were younger than me. Nope, I wanted to hang out with the cool older kids and I wasn't gonna be caught hanging out with some little wimp if I could help it. "And Matt won't play with me 'cause he's talking to Brooke." Yeah, Mattie's still dating Brooke. It's kind of surprising. At least it is to me. I thought high school romances only lasted a month or two and then burn out? Then again, look at Red and Oz. They started dating junior year and didn't break up until college. Boy's got it bad, that's for fuckin sure.

"Well it's almost your bedtime anyway," B says and he gets the saddest look on his face that I've ever seen. Damn, this kid is really good at pullin at your heartstrings. He takes after me with a little bit of B thrown in. With our genes I'm surprised all of these kids aren't con artists working the streets of Vegas. I'm sure they'd make a couple thousand a night if they did that. Why the fuck am I thinking about that? Damn, my thoughts get weird sometimes. "Do you wanna come snuggle with us for a little while?" I can't help but let out a little sigh. Not because I think she's babying him, but because if she's babying him then she can't baby me. I know that sounds petty and yeah it's pretty fuckin stupid to be jealous of your own kid but I'm the one who's leaving in a few hours. I was kinda hoping to have B all to myself for a while. Guess that's the end of that.

"I don't wanna lay down. I wanna play checkers. Will you play with me?" he asks and he has the puppy dog look in full effect. If she doesn't play with him then I'm going to. I really don't want to move but he just looks so sad. His sister is ignoring him and his older brother is busy talking to a girl. I kinda get how that feels. I always wanted to hang out with the cool older kids but they barely let me and when they did they just used me to get stuff. Being the baby of the family can really suck sometimes, that's for sure. B sits up a little bit which makes me have to sit up and I'm not very happy about it. I was comfortable right there and now it's gone. I want to pout and push B down and lay on her again but I don't wanna look like a freak so I won't.

B pats the bed and Joey hops up, fake tears and pouty lip gone, and he starts setting up the board. I lie back and watch my son and my wife play checkers and all of that shit I was feeling earlier just goes away. They don't go away all at once but they're slowly draining from my body. It's kind of amazing how just being with your kids can do that, especially when they're being good. Sure he cheats sometimes and Buffy lets him get away with it, but it's still fun to watch them play. B isn't too much of a stickler for the rules. She says it has something to do with this robot named Ted who dated her mom back in SunnyD before I showed up, but she didn't wanna talk too much about it. Said it makes her sad thinking that the only guy who could really make her mom happy was a freakin robot.

Anyway, what I was trying to say before I trailed off was, I really don't fuckin know how I'm going to survive this trip without my kids. I can't take them with me because I'm gonna be too distracted to really pay them any attention, but just holding them or being around them is calming and I don't know how I'm gonna manage without that. This is the part that I've never been good at. The waiting game. Knowing where I'm going and having no fuckin idea what to expect is killing me. I'd rather just go and get it over with but I'm not as impulsive as I was before. I can't just take off on a whim when I have a family to take care of. That would just be a fuckin slap in the face to everyone, especially B since I'd be leaving her in a lurch. All I should be worrying about is tomorrow and whether or not I'm gonna piss out when I get to the airport. Here's hoping I grow a fucking spine.

BPOV

I don't think I'm saying anything you don't know when I tell you that I can be kind of a pessimist. Sunnydale broke me. There's really no other way to word that. After I had to send Angel to hell things were never the same and my outlook on life changed. Then everything with Glory happened and my mom died, I died, I was ripped out of heaven and things went to hell in a hand basket. Even after I got better and I stopped being so numb, I always expected the worst in every situation and especially in people. So when we relocated to Northern California and the scooby gang started to drift apart I really didn't think we'd ever be back together again. Well, pessimistic-me needs to bow her head in shame because she has totally been proven wrong.

"That's so disgusting," Willow says and crinkles her nose. I'm trying really hard to get my laughter under control because it's getting hard to breathe and people are starting to stare. I'll admit I've had a little more to drink than the others and it's true that I don't hold my alcohol very well, but in my defense Xander's story is really funny. "Xander, why would you do that to another human being?" She does bring up a very solid point and I think I've been living with Faith for too long. I have a feeling back in college I wouldn't have thought this whole 'putting a dead rat in someone's lunch box' would be such a laugh riot. Apparently it is because as soon as Xander said that's what he did to one of the guy's on his construction crew I spit the beer in my mouth out and I can't stop laughing.

"He deserved it, Will. The guy's always trying to one up everyone else and bragging about it nonstop whenever he does. He needed to be taken down a peg or two," he says and takes another pull from his bottle of beer. I finally calm down enough to breathe at least semi-normally and I think my face is going back to its normal color. Not that there's anything wrong with being purple, I just don't think I pull it off very well. "So Buff, what's it like having the ol' ball and chain out of the house?" They both look at me with curiosity on their faces and I'm kind of stumped for words. Faith left for Boston this morning and I have a lot of mixed emotions about it. On the one hand I'm proud of her for being so brave and facing her personal demons the way she is. On the other hand I'm unbelievable worried that something bad is going to happen. But I don't want to be a downer so I put on a little smile and shrug my shoulders.

"It's kind of weird. I walk into the living room and expect to see her watching a football game with the kids or teaching the dogs a new trick," I say and Willow gives me that playful little smirk that she used to give me back in high school and college. The one that says 'you've got it so bad'. I would point out that she's got it really bad with Sky but there's no use pointing fingers when we're having a great time. "Her being gone is making me appreciate her more. You never really know how hard it is to run a household until you don't have any help." They both nod their heads but there's no way they can really understand it. Neither of them has three kids, two bratty dogs, and a dishwasher that won't stay fixed. "One thing that doesn't suck: knowing all of my candy isn't going to be eaten before I get some. I'm taking comfort in the fact that my Snickers are safe for now."

"Maybe you just need a better hiding place," Willow says and takes a sip of her drink. "I use a glamour to hide mine. What looks like a decorative platter with some pretty rocks on it is actually a decorative platter with yummy Hershey bars. Sky thinks she's going crazy because she can smell the chocolate but she can't find it." Willow using her witch-fu to hide candy, why am I not surprised? She should probably be more careful with that stuff. Little Ashlyn is starting with her magic lessons and her mommies should be setting a good example when it comes to using it. Then again my kids have been training to be slayers and I'd be lying if I didn't admit I use my slayer strength when doing things the normal way would take too long. Like picking up the back end of the car and straightening it out instead of backing up and trying to get in the spot straight.

"I think the moral lesson of the story the last time I tried to use magic was Buffy and magic are unmixy things," I say and they both laugh. I glare at them a little but it was pretty funny, even if I don't want to admit that out loud. Willow was trying to teach me some basic spells, floating a pencil, casting a glamour, changing ice to fire, really simple stuff that the freshman at the slayer school have all been able to accomplish. Only according to the records at the school none of the girls almost burned down a kitchen when I tried to do the ice to fire spell. Faith made me promise I would never try magic again it was three days before the dogs weren't too afraid to walk into the room without looking really nervous. The kids still tease me about it sometimes in a playful way so I let them get away with it. "So Xander, how's life at Casa Harris? Are Lily and Miranda getting along any better?" Now it's his turn to be put on the spot.

"Yes, thank God. I don't know exactly what happened but one day it just started getting better," he says and takes another pull from his beer. "Lily started helping out more instead of leaving it all up to me, and they started bonding. I had no clue what I was going to do if things didn't get better." I can't even imagine going through something like that. Getting a divorce has to be hard on everyone involved, but then finding someone new to love and being overjoyed but then your kid doesn't like them? Sounds like something I don't think I would survive. There was one point where our marriage was so broken I really thought we were going to get divorced. It was right after I had Joseph and things between Faith and I were so bad we could barely stand to be in the same room. But things are better, and yeah sometimes it's still a struggle, but I don't think we'll ever let it get that bad again.

"Guys, I don't want to rain on our parade, but when did we grow up?" Willow asks with a smile on her face and Xander and I both laugh a little. It is an odd question because it doesn't feel like I've grown up. I still feel like the girl in high school who sneaks out of the house to see her significant whatever. Only now my significant other sleeps in the bed next to me so whenever I want smoochies I just have to scoot over and pucker up. That sounded really wrong, and I'm going to forget about it immediately. "We should do something crazy. Something totally spontaneous that we would have done when we were kids." I don't really remember doing anything spontaneous. All of our fun was usually preplanned. Xander gets a kind of confused look on his face and I can't help but wonder why.

"Uh, Will, this is the kind of spontaneous fun we used to have when we were kids," he says and looks around the semi-crowded bar. There are enough people that there's a nice atmosphere but not so many people that I feel suffocated. Just like the Bronze back in school except this is a much different crowd. And by different I mean older. "We used to go to a local watering hole, hang out, dance, and talk about whatever was on our minds. Only now instead of drinking soda and eating raisins." Willow blushes a little bit and I can't help but think it's adorable. She doesn't blush much anymore, or stutter, or babble, so it's nice to see a bit of the old Willow every once in a while. "We're drinking beer and eating pretzels." He has a point that cannot be denied.

"No, we did other stuff," Willow says and that came out with a bit of a whiney tone. I guess she's trying to deny the undeniable. Wow, try saying that three times fast. "We partied. I clearly remember partying taking place. Most of the time they ended in violence with the blood and the gore and zombie attacks." She steals a glance at me and I can't help but look away. All I wanted was a nice quiet dinner with my friends to reunite after being gone for the summer and what did I get? A big house party that ended with most of the guests being killed by zombies. "But we did have irresponsible fun from time to time." I do remember there being some irresponsibility. Like the time she cooked up some homemade ecstasy in the science lab and we took it at a frat party. That was pretty irresponsible.

"Alright, I accept your challenge," Xander says and finishes off the rest of his beer. We haven't been here for very long so neither one of us is drunk by any means so he's being loud and weird on purpose. "Tonight we are going to have some spontaneous irresponsible fun. Lucky for us we live adjacent to a place that is known as the Disney World for adults where irresponsible fun is their business." Oh great, I know exactly where he's going with this. "So should be pack into one of our cars now and head out to Vegas. Maybe go to a strip club, or a night club, or another type of club where grown people can shimmy and shake or watch other shimmy and shake?" My eyes get a little wide at the thought of going to a strip club. I've never been and never will. To be honest I'm too intimidated and nothing is going to change that. From the freaked out look on Willow's face I'd say she has the same problem.

"You know, I have an early meeting that I can't be late for. I think maybe we should just stick to our calmer version of partying," she says and I can't help but smirk. From the look on Xander's face I'd say he planned that. He can be such a brat sometimes. "But next week we'll go somewhere to shake and shimmy until we're partying like it's a year we shouldn't specify unless we want to reveal our ages." I can't help the little giggle that escapes and she smiles too before she takes another sip from her drink. Ok, so we've never been party animals and whenever we did get wild and a little out of hand it was instigated by Faith. Ah, Faith, I miss her so much already. Yeah, I've been keeping my mind off of it by spending time with the kids and picking up the slack that's created by her absence, but mostly I've been kind of pouty because my girl is gone and won't be back for a few days.

"Hey now, just because we're not at some high scale night club where they play loud techno-ish music that makes you wish you were deaf doesn't mean we can't shake and shimmy," I say and put my drink down. I need something to distract me and dancing with my friends sounds like the perfect cure for the little black cloud that's starting to form above my head. "Come on, let's go dance." I grab onto Willow's hand and stand up. As I walk by the table I grab onto Xander's and drag both of them out onto the dance floor. There are plenty of people out here showing off their stuff but it isn't too crowded that we can't dance together. Dancing with Will and Xander isn't like dancing with Faith, though. It's more reserved, a little on the goofy side because they both admit they're not good dancers. God, how pathetic and codependent am I? Faith hasn't been gone for more than twenty-four hours and I'm already sick with longing.

"Hey Buff, don't pout," Xander says and grabs onto my wrist. He spins me around and then spins me back and I end up right against him chest. I look up into his eyes and he has a playful smirk on his face. I can't help but smile back and we start dancing a little closer than we were before. "Faith will be back before you know it. I'm sure she's fine. She's probably making snow devils and pelting some of the neighbor kids with snowballs." I can't help but laugh at that. That does sound like something Faith would do. She would go back to her old neighborhood and find some little kids to talk with. She would probably say things like 'back in the day we used to hang out at…' and stuff like that. They're right, if she's hypothetically having a great time than I should have a great time too. So here I go, about to have a great time. Just watch, it's going to happen. Any moment now when those pigs start flying, I'm going to have a super great time.

FPOV

I've been standing in this spot staring at the ground for…only God knows how long. The ground is covered in snow, the breeze has a strong bite to it, and I think my fuckin nose might freeze off. The cold is one of the many things I wanted to get away from in Boston. I thought heading out to California would be a great change in scenery. Maybe I'd even buy a bikini and get a tan lying on a beach watchin all the hotties doin the exact same thing. California was supposed to be my gateway to a new life, a better life. But that didn't fuckin work. Wherever I went I took myself with me and I was pretty fucked up back then. You saw how it all went: murder, covering up the crime, betrayal, going rouge, more murder, and a whole lot of other fucked up things I'd rather not talk about right now.

I can't complain now, though, 'cause my life is awesome. I have a beautiful wife; my harbor in the storm. I have my amazing kids; my reminders to be grateful. I have friends, a kick ass job, and a great dad who care about me. Basically everything anyone could ever ask for. I have everything she didn't and stranding here staring at the ground I feel guilty. Not about who I was or the things I've done. I feel guilty for who I am now. I don't know why I feel guilty. She never fuckin cared about me so why the fuck should I care about her? But there's this part of me that cares. The part of me that feels sorry for her because she was so unhappy. I think she did the things she did because she was so fuckin sad and she didn't know how to deal with it so she took it out on me.

It makes sense if you think about it but I don't to make that much sense of it. I don't want to justify what she did to me because it's unforgiveable. No kid should ever have to go through what I went through because of her. She drank herself to death and she tried to take down everyone around her. What kind of person does that? My mom, that's who. My fucked up, selfish, mom who should've had to pay for what she did to me. I guess she did, though, considering she died in a pool of her own vomit. Exactly two weeks from today is the anniversary of my mom getting really fuckin drunk and throwing up all over herself and was too out of it to get up or even just roll over and she drowned. I was already with my watcher when it happened. I didn't go to the funeral, didn't see the point, but now I wish I had. I'm standing here for the first time staring at her headstone and I can't believe I actually feel sad and sorry for her.

Lorie Isabelle Lehane: May 8th 1963 – January 10th1999. That's it, that's all it says. No person detail like Buffy got when she died. Just her name and her birthday and the say she died. That's what I left my mom with because I was too fuckin wrapped up in my own shit to deal with any of it. Then again it's kind of a good thing that I was. If I had come forward instead of staying with my watcher I would've been taken away by social services and I never would have went out to California, which means I never would've met Buffy. Kinda trippy to think about since our lives are so entangled together, but it's still something to be really fuckin sad about. I don't even know if any of her family showed up to the funeral. My grandparents on her side of the family were still alive when she died and she has a brother, but I never met him. She told me about him all the time. Said I reminded her of him 'cause I'm such an asshole just like he is.

My mom thought everyone was an asshole. Everyone who tried to help her give up the booze and have a better life was an asshole in her book. She did what she wanted and she never apologized for it. Well, that's not really true. Some nights when she was really fuckin out of it and throwing up all over the bathroom floor 'cause she missed the toilet I'd go in and try to clean it up and she would apologize to me. She said she was sorry for hurting me, sorry for bruising me and scaring me. She said she wished we had a better life but nothing every worked out for her. Then she would say something really fucked like 'nothing ever goes my way. I got you for a kid, there's enough proof of that right there'. Yeah, how the fuck was I supposed to take that? I was only eleven when she told me she didn't want me, that I wasn't good enough for her. I believed every fucking word she said, which is the saddest part of all.

I let out a little sigh and shiver as another breeze whips around the back of my neck. I slowly bend down and gently place the three roses I brought with me next to the headstone. I've never been to a graveyard like this before and I honestly don't know what to do. The only time I'm ever in a cemetery is to kill something undead. I've never been on this side of it. I've never been one of the family members of a person buried in a graveyard. It's kinda makin me think about the way I act in a cemetery. Has anyone ever used my mom's grave as a place to sit when they were waiting for a vampire to rise? Has anyone ever stood on her headstone while they were hoppin from grave to grave 'cause they were really fuckin bored? Yeah, it's a slab of stone with some engravings on it, but now it seems like so much fuckin more than that.

"Hey, Mom," I say and I feel like such a fuckin idiot. If my face weren't so red from the wind than I'd be blushing. I feel so stupid talking to a piece of stone but I feel like I've been holding this in forever and I need to get it out. I feel like if I go back to Lincoln with this still inside me it's going to become toxic and make me go crazy or something. "God, I feel so fuckin stupid. Alright look, I've never done this before so I don't know how it's supposed to go, but I have some stuff I need to tell you." I wonder if she could actually hear me. When Buffy told me about heaven she never said anything about hearing anyone's thoughts or prayers or whatever. I hope my mom can hear me because I really need to fuckin get this out and it would be great if she knew what I really thought. Oh well, I guess there's no real way to find out.

"You treated me like shit. You never made me feel worthwhile and I fuckin hated you so much." I never said it was going to be anything good. I just hope she can hear it because she was a horrible fuckin person and she needs to fuckin know that even if it doesn't really matter all that much anymore. "I think you died 'cause I ran away and I wasn't there to call someone when you hit the bottle too fuckin hard." A few tears escape and roll down my cheeks before I get a chance to wipe 'em away. God, why am I crying like a little pussy? It's the truth, though. She died 'cause I wasn't there to help her. "But I'm not sorry I ran away. I'm not sorry 'cause you were fuckin wrong. I didn't grow up to be a crack whore like you always said I was gonna." Yeah, can you fuckin believe it? Most people want their kids to be lawyers or doctors. My mom said I would be workin the street by seventeen.

"I'm a wife, I'm a mom and I treat my family so fuckin good. My babies are beautiful and my wife is the most amazing person on the fuckin planet," I say and my voice cracks a little bit. I thought I would be really pissed off once I started talking and thinking about all of the shit she did to me, but I'm not. I'm starting to feel some relief. I didn't think that would come until later. I still got more shit I need to say, though, and I'm not gonna fuckin leave until I've said it all. Even if the cold is starting to make my body hurt. "And Dad's now. We own a shop together and he's married to someone nice and good." Well, most of the time she's nice and good. "And they have a kid together and it hurts watching him with her 'cause you fuckin stole him from me." My voice cracks and I have to stop for a second. I didn't think I was gonna get this upset but this is the most important part so I guess it's understandable.

"Dad never laid a damn hand on you ever, but you got up on that witness stand, and you lied your God damn ass off," I say and more tears roll down my cheeks. My dad was arrested when I was ten. They got into a fight and it got really loud and some of the neighbors called the cops. When they got there my mom started sayin that he was trying to hurt her, that he was crazy and she was afraid of what he was gonna do. So they took him away and I never fuckin saw him again. I still can't believe she fuckin did that. All he ever wanted was for her to get better, to put the booze down and choose us for once instead of that shit, but she never fuckin did. It's why I stopped drinking after Mattie was born. I started going out and drinking when I couldn't deal and one night and I accidentally hurt my baby when I threw a glass against the wall and some of it cut him. I was becoming my mom, plain and simple.

"But none of that matters now. None of it," I say and my voice cracks again. I don't know if I can get through this. God, why did I fuckin come here alone? I don't think I can finish this by myself. It's so fuckin scary, just standing here alone talking to her like this even if I'm not sure she can hear me or not. I gotta stop being such a damn pussy and just get it through it, though, or I'm never gonna be ok. "All the beatings, the names you called me, the shit you said about Dad when he was gone, the men you brought home, none of that matters because I love the life I have now so much fuckin more than I hate you." I wipe off my eyes and my tears slowly come to a stop. I didn't think it was gonna go like this at all. I honestly didn't know what to expect but I feel so much fuckin better already. I feel like this rotted part of me has finally been cut off and I can just breathe.

"Well, I need to get back to my family. I miss 'em too much," I say and pull the collar of my jacket up since the wind is starting to pick up a little more. "Have a nice afterlife." I turn and walk away and I don't think I've ever felt like this in my life. Maybe the day Buffy told me she loved me and I realized we could make it work. Maybe on the day my son was born, but I'm starting to doubt it. I hate to admit it 'cause it sounds fucking awful, but I feel like when I go home things are going to be different. It's almost like I can be better at just being me 'cause I finally faced what I've been afraid to do for so fuckin long. I didn't want to admit that I hated my mom 'cause that felt wrong. Kids are supposed to love their parents and respect them and all that shit. But I didn't 'cause my mom was such a fuckin God awful human being.

But I don't have to feel guilty anymore. I don't have to feel anything but relieved because I said it and nothing bad happened. I walk out of the cemetery and head back to my rental car and I feel so fuckin relieved. I feel like I can really breathe for the first time in a long fuckin time. I finally came to see my mom, finally owned up to the guilt I've been carrying around for letting her die. I didn't just let her die, though. I wished her dead. After my watcher took me in and I remembered what it was like to have someone who cares about you, I wanted my mom to fuckin die. I wanted her to get hit by a car or maybe even killed by a vamp. For the longest fuckin time I felt like I killed my mom 'cause I ran away and got a better life and she was still living in shit. But she had a fuckin choice. She coulda put the bottle down, gotten into rehab and cleaned herself up but she never fuckin did and finally I don't feel guilty about it.

BPOV

I've had a lot of time to think since Faith has been gone and not a lot of it has been good. She went to visit her mother's grave and try to make peace with some of the things that happened to her as a child at her mother's hands. I've been thinking a lot about my mom too. How much I miss her, how much I wish she was still around to give me advice on life and raising kids. But especially how much I wish she could see how my babies are turning out because I think they're turning into wonderful people and she's never going to know that. She's never going to meet them, never going to see any of the pictures we've taken over the years of moments I don't want to forget, never going to be proud of me for what I've done with my life.

As you can see things have been depressing in my mind for the last couple of days. I've tried to keep myself busy but my mind has been wandering a lot today. Right now I'm doing the dishes and the kids are over at Dawn's house playing with their cousins. Well, the younger ones are at Dawn's playing with their cousins. Matthew wanted to stay home in case Brooke calls. The training house is closed for winter break and most of the girls have gone home to visit their families but Brooke is staying with Xander and Lily. She doesn't have any family to go home to and they've sort of become her surrogate mother and father even if none of them have acknowledged that or not. She spent Christmas and New Year's with us and I'm finally willing to admit that she and my son do make a really adorable couple.

That's another thing my mom's never going to get to see. She's never going to see my babies grow up and find love and have babies of their own. The thought of them having children terrifies me because I was so lost when I first became a mother and the thought of them going through that too isn't a comforting one. I hope they decide to stay close when they grow up so I can help them out. When Matthew was born I felt so scared and I felt like I was doing everything wrong and it made me so sad knowing I couldn't just call my mom and ask her what I should do. I want my kids to be able to do that with me. I need to start being more open to the fact that they're going to date and fall in love and eventually have sex because that's what I, and almost every other teenager on the planet, did and I was so distant from my mom I couldn't even turn to her for comfort when everything went so horribly wrong.

I guess I need to start being there for my son more. That girl might break his heart and I don't want him to feel like he can't turn to me for comfort. He's always been kind of a stereotypical boy. He's more of the strong silent type when it comes to his emotions and he totally gets that from Faith. He used to worship her when he was younger so it's not insane to think that he picked up on some of her not so good habits. But it's still important for him to know that I'm there for him. Even if he doesn't want to talk about his problems or what's going on in his relationship I don't want him to feel all alone and like he can't come to me if he wants to. Wow, I have been a horrible mother to him. Instead of letting him know it's ok to fall for someone, that it's normal to want that type of connection, I've been trying to stop it from happening. And not just with Brooke. I was like this with his first girlfriend too.

I dry my hands off on the dishtowel and wipe my eyes. Why I always do the dishes when I feel like I need to cry and just think about things, I have no idea. I've been that way since Sunnydale and I did it a lot when Mom got sick and especially after she died. I needed to let some stuff out and dishes and crying while covering it up with music is exactly what I did. Anyway, I make my way upstairs and I let out a little sigh. I hope this conversation goes easy. I really don't want it to be one of those talks that feel like I'm trying to pull teeth. And not just his, sometimes when I'm really uncomfortable talking about something I have to force the words to come out of my own mouth or they'll never be said. But I feel like I owe him this. We've both been through a lot of bad times together, like when Faith and I split up for a while and I feel like I need to make this up to him.

I knock on his door and wait for him to say come in. If he were a couple of years younger I wouldn't wait but he's a teenage boy now and it's important not to just walk in. Not only for him but I really don't need to see what he's doing behind there when he's by himself. I had to learn that lesson the hard way a couple of times. Once in college when Xander had a little too much to drink he told me how many times a day he used to…relieve himself back in high school but I always thought he was exaggerating. Now that I actually live with a teenage boy I know that he wasn't lying. In fact, he was probably toning it down because now I know that if he's in a room alone he probably has his hands down his pants and why am I still thinking about this? I came up here with a purpose and I need to stay focused.

"Come in," I hear Matthew say and he turns the music down. He found some of Faith's old CDs and he's been playing them nonstop. When she put them in a box in the attic, I thought it would finally be the end of Rob Zombie and The Distillers, but then Matthew went through the box and picked some of them out. I open the door and walk inside. He's sitting on his bed reading a magazine and he looks totally relaxed. He hasn't been missing Faith as much as the younger kids are and that's why I sent them over to Dawn's. I thought it would be good for them to get out of the house and be distracted by their little cousins for a while. I sit down on the edge of the bed and he looks up at me for a second but then starts reading the magazine again. I love being ignored by my kids. You have no idea how amazing it feels and yes I'm being sarcastic.

"I need to talk to you about something," I say and slowly take the magazine out of his hands and put it on his end table. Now he doesn't look too happy with me but he doesn't say anything. At least he isn't going to be argumentative about it. He's going through a phase where he likes to be a punk, as Faith says, but he hasn't been acting too bad today. He's still not looking at me, though. He's staring down at the bed. "Since Mom has been gone I've had a lot of time to do some thinking. I've been thinking a lot about my mom and how I used to shut her out of my life because I was afraid of how she would react if she found out about certain things, like me being a vampire slayer or the fact that I was dating a vampire who was like two hundred twenty four years older than I am, and I owe you an apology." That definitely got his attention.

"Why?" he asks and I let out a little sigh. This is going to be hard. Even though it's been years, talking about my mom is still really hard for me. The kids ask about her sometimes. They're curious about what my parents were like and why they've only met Faith's dad but it's still really hard opening up to anyone about it. Dawnie and I sometimes talk about Mom and the things we used to do together but whenever we do one of us always end up crying and usually it's me. I look down at my hands and pick at my cuticles a little. I'm sure he's really confused right now but he isn't asking anything which I appreciate. I need a moment to gather my thoughts and if he was rushing me I'd probably just forget about the whole thing and leave.

"Because I haven't been here for you like my mom was there for me," I say and look up at him. The kids hate it when I talk about Angel. They can't comprehend the fact that I used to be with someone other than Faith so when I remind them that I did have a life before them they kind of freak out. But this is important and Matthew needs to hear it if he's going to really understand what I mean. "After my mom found out I was a slayer and after the dust settled, she was there for me. She didn't like that I had to put my life at risk every night and when your mom blew into town she wanted me to give up slaying altogether and let your mom handle it. When I started dating Angel again, my mom didn't like it. She thought he was bad for me, that he was going to drag me down." A lump starts to swell in my throat and I have to choke it down just to keep going.

"But she was always there for me. She always let me know that she was there if I ever needed to talk." I look up at him and he looks worried. Probably because his mother is about to have a breakdown and he doesn't know what to do. Seeing my mom upset always freaked me out too. "I've been handling this so bad, Matthew. I shouldn't have been so bullheaded." I have to stop again because tears are welling up in my eyes. I knew this was going to be really hard. I hate being right all the time. "I'm just so scared. I kept everything from my mom. She didn't even know I was dating Angel until after he turned into a psychopath and started killing people and even when I told her I lied and said he was a college boy who tutored me in history." I'll never really understand why my mom ever let me out of the house. And that's what this is all really about; fear.

"I know Brooke is a good kid. She's smart, she's kind and she treats the people around her with respect. I shouldn't have been trying to keep you two apart and I shouldn't have been so cold to her. I'm just so afraid something bad is going to happen with the two of you and you're not going to tell us about it until you're so overwhelmed you don't know what to do. But I need you to know you can always come to me. Always, ok?" I say and he nods his head. I reach out and wrap him up in a big hug. It's more for me than it is for him but I don't really care. He hugs me back just as tight and the tears start to flow. God, I really wish Faith was here. She always makes me feel better when I'm upset like this. She isn't coming back until tomorrow, though, so I'm just going to have to wait until then to get some love from her.

"Nothing bad is going to happen, Mom," he says and it makes me hug him tighter. Of course something bad is going to happen. They're teenagers and they're in love, that's a recipe for disaster. Hell, I didn't get together with Faith until we were grown women and bad things happen to us all the time. Whether it's slayer related or if we're just having marital problems, bad things happen. But that's life and denying Matthew those experiences, even if I want to save him from that pain, is selfish and I shouldn't be doing it. "But if she turns into a vampire I promise I'll tell you." I can't help but laugh at that even though the thought is pretty awful. If she was turned Matthew would be so devastated. And not just Matthew but all of the girls at the training house would take it really hard. They've become like a family or something.

"Thank you," I say and pull back from the hug. I take a moment to just look at his face and I can't believe how great this kid has turned out. He's a kind, sweet boy and I'm surprised he isn't breaking hearts all over this town. He does have Faith's genetics in the looks department but thank God he takes after me when it comes to dating. I really hate the thought of my baby breaking girls' hearts all over the place. "Why don't you come help me with dinner? I really don't think Mom would appreciate it if she came home and the kitchen was burned down because I was too distracted while trying to cook." We laugh a little but he gets up and we head downstairs. I know I said that he can come to me whenever he needs help but in all honesty, I really hope he goes to Faith because if that little girl breaks my baby's heart and I have to see him cry about it I might end up breaking her neck.


	91. Power Hungry

Three Weeks Later. BPOV

Faith can be such a freaking jerk sometimes. She's being so much of a jerk that every once in a while for a split second I forget what I see in her. She isn't being obvious about it and I think that's the most frustrating part. To everyone else she's being her usual self, but I know her like no one else does so I can tell the difference. It's frustrating because if I try to call her out for being such an ass-face no one else will know what I'm talking about and it'll look like I'm attacking her for no reason. And I'm sure you're asking why Faith is being such a jerk. It's because Spike is here. He showed up a couple of hours ago and even though Faith has worked out most of her issues with Spike, having him in our home is causing all of that progress to regress and it's really annoying. It's not like he just showed up for no reason or without warning. That I could understand, but right now she's being petty over nothing.

"You would think that after all this time, the demons and vampires and all of the other nasty things in the world would learn not to mess with us," I say and cross my arms over my chest. I'm leaning against the refrigerator and everyone else is sitting at the table drinking coffee even though it's eleven o'clock at night. By 'everyone else' I mean Faith, Spike and Willow. She showed up about an hour ago to help us deal with this. My eyes widen a little bit after the last word leaves my tongue and I look over at Spike. "No offense. You're not nasty at all. What I meant was evil, and you're not that either, at least not lately." And now I'm babbling like an idiot. "And even when you were evil you weren't nasty because you kept up with the exercise, which is important health-wise. It's not like anyone who has ever seen you with your shirt off is going to think you're gross."

"Ok, B, I think that's enough sharing," Faith says with a smirk on her face and she gives me a little wink. "If I have to hear about the Buffy-Spike saga I might barf." To everyone else she sounds like she's being lighthearted and totally playful. Like I said earlier I know her better than that, and this is exactly what I was talking about. She's been subtly digging my history with Spike and it's really starting to piss me off. Forgive me for having a past. I didn't know I was supposed to save myself all of those years for her. It's not like she was a virgin when we finally got together so she doesn't have any damn room to talk. But since she wasn't mean about it I can't call her out and not look like an ass so I'll have to bite my tongue for now. She's so going to pay for all of this later. Trust me, she will pay, and not in a sexy way, either.

"Sorry. You know the doctors still haven't found a cure for foot-in-mouth syndrome. They have me on a new medication but the drugs can only do so much," I say and give her a little half smile and to everyone else I look like there's nothing wrong, but Faith knows me as well as I know her. There was more smarminess in my tone than necessary and she knows it. Her left eye twitches a little bit and I know she wants to say something to me but she's caught in the same dilemma that I'm in and if she does everyone will think she's going crazy…again. "Has anyone found anything about this?" I look over at the box on the table and the very large pile of books that have completely taken over my kitchen. Why didn't we just do this over at Willow's house? That's where all of the demon books live.

Anyway, back to what's important: the box. Spike stole it from a demon he killed. Cordelia had a vision a group of demons were going to try and end the world using this…thing, but nobody has any idea when the ritual is going to be performed. Spike called asking if it would be alright to come to Lincoln to get Willow's help. Normally he would just swoop in, coat billowing in the wind, and make a big, over dramatic entrance but the last time he did that Faith almost staked him. She didn't know it was him, she just sensed a vampire rushing towards us and reacted, and it taught Spike to never sneak up on a slayer when she's armed and patrolling.

"The box is powerful," Willow says and she has kind of a dopey smile on her face. She used her magic to basically scan the box to see if there was anything up with it but she didn't get much. Doing that much magic got her kind of…high, so she's been a little incoherent but she's starting to calm down now. I'm a little worried about her using so much magic. I don't want her to go off the deep end or anything. Sky would kill me if that happened. "I haven't been in the same room with something this powerful in a long time." I let out a little sigh and try to keep my voice even because I'm starting to get frustrated by all of this.

"It's powerful, I think that was established with the 'it's used to take over the world' thing," I say and I know I sounded a little bitchy. I know this because Faith is giving me that 'what, are you PMSing?' looking and if she doesn't stop I might have to kick her in the face. I let out another little sigh and force myself to calm down. This is just like back in Sunnydale when researching would take forever. I've been out of the game for so long now that I'm not used to this anymore. I'm not used to doing research or not knowing what we're looking for. I'm supposed to be semi-retired, dammit. "So how does the ritual work and what's in the box?" Now that Faith is reading her book again I'm assuming I didn't sound as bitchy that time.

"Right now, nothing is inside of it," she says and looks up from the book she's been reading for the last twenty minutes. I hate how long this researching thing takes. This is why I semi-retired. All of the demon hunting; none of the reading. "The box itself isn't bad. I didn't pick up on any wicked mojo earlier and you know detecting wicked mojo is my specialty." I thought her specialty was being an insanely powerful goddess type Wicca? I guess you learn something new every day. Although this would be going much faster if we could skip the life lessons and get to finding out about the ritual. And if Faith would stop staring at Spike's hair like it's about to grow wings and fly away. "The box is only as good or bad as the intentions of whoever is using it."

"Ok, well let's assume that these demons aren't trying to take over the world to bring world peace." Faith gets a look on her face like she wants to say something but she stays quiet. I wonder what that was all about. Oh well, I don't have time to try and understand what's going on in the recesses of her brain. I barely have time to figure out what's going on in mine half the time. So let's just get back to what's going on now. "I don't think the Powers That Be would warn Cordelia about that. And if there's nothing in the box then why do they need it?" Faith starts snapping her fingers to get our attention and she's still looking at the book she's been reading. Ok, so I guess she found something important.

"I found that," she says and starts scanning the page again. I know not to say anything about her taking too long because I know it will just start a fight. It always has in the past and it's safe to assume that it will have the same effect now. "Really long and dull page short: the box transforms mystical energy into pure power. So if these demons make like Brain all they gotta do is find something with some wicked powerful energy." Is it scary that what she said makes perfect sense to me? I think we've been together for too long. Willow gets a look on her face like a light bulb in her mind just turned on. I can feel some of the weight being lifted off of my shoulders now that we're starting to get somewhere.

"That's what the ritual is for," she says and she sounds a little excited. You've known her since Sunnydale so you know how she can get when she figures something out. "The box can hold a great deal of power but you need the ritual to get the power in and out of it." Ok, that makes sense. In a weird way where it doesn't make any sense at all. I guess if you're going to take over the world the gods and goddesses aren't going to make it easy for you. Nothing worth doing is accomplished easily, right? Why am I thinking about this? I need to focus. I think I've been spending too much time with Faith. "Spike, did Cordelia say anything about any symbols or landmarks? If we can find out where they're doing it maybe we can find out how."

"She wrote everything down. Don't know why. Not like I have a bad memory," he says and starts digging through his coat pocket. Why didn't he mention that in the first place? I've seen some of the notes Cordelia takes and they're usually pretty detailed, or in as much detail as she can remember at the moment. Since she's been with Kennedy I guess it's been easier for her to fight off the side effects of the visions and tell everyone what happened because Kennedy has been teaching her some meditations and techniques on conquering physical pain. Something about mind over matter but I need to stop thinking about that and pay attention. "She said there was a building in the background. A barn or a warehouse. There's a mural on the side. A picture of a lake with a big sun, and a giant tree. That's all it says. I could've remembered all that on my own." Or maybe she still needs to work on it.

"God fucking dammit," Faith says and I'm kind of surprised. I know she comes off as this tough chick who will kick your head in if you say the wrong thing to her, but she's usually more patient than everyone else. Ok, so not really but she usually keeps her frustration internalized. Alright so maybe not, but it's a little weird that she would be getting this upset. It's not like Spike is leaving out details on purpose, he just doesn't know what they are. "That's here. That building is a stable. Some people were using it to house wild mustangs before they went to auction, but the feds shut it down 'cause they were runnin coke and meth, and I think a prostitution ring." Everyone stares at her and she gets an irritated look on her face. "What, I can't watch the fucking news?" Ok, moving on before she gets really mad.

"If the ritual is taking place here and they need something mystically powerful then that's probably one of us," I say and look into her eyes. She gets that look on her face like she's going to punch someone really hard. She's always been protective of me. Sometimes it's kind of annoying when all I'm trying to do is slay a vampire and she pushes me out of the way to do it so I won't get hurt. Trust me, that's always annoying. But this isn't irritating at all. She's mad because my life might be in danger. It's actually kind of sweet in its own way. "We're the original slayers. Our mystical energy is probably off the charts." Out of the corner of my eye I see Willow start to play with the pages of the book she's been reading and I can't help but feel a little bit of dread wash over me. She always does that when she gets really nervous.

"There is another option," Willow says in that meek voice she always uses when she doesn't want to be saying what she's saying. That means I'm not going to like this in any way, shape or form. Everyone is quiet as we wait for her to continue. Even Faith is paying really close attention and she hardly ever does that. I guess now that our lives could be in danger she just wants to find out what these demons are and where to find them so she can kick some ass. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same. "Who in this house is made up of the true, pure essence of the slayer and is therefore more powerful than every other slayer on the planet by default?" She was right when she thought I wasn't going to like this at all. My whole body tenses up and I exchange a quick glance with Faith. I guess she knows what Will is talking about too because she doesn't look happy at all.

"Addison," I say and the only person in the room who looks surprised is Spike. I guess no one ever clued him in on Addison being the pure essence of the slayer. I'm glad no one told him about it. I trust Spike, but the fewer people who know what she really is the safer she's going to be. Hopefully these demons don't know what she really is and they're going after her on a hunch that she'll be more powerful because she's the daughter of the two original slayers. Why does it seem like bad things always happen to her? I swear, it's like my baby girl is stuck in some really bad soap opera and she's put in peril to try and get a boost in the ratings. "Ok, so who are these demons and how do we kill them and how do we destroy the box? I don't want to risk anything else getting their evil hands on it."

"We can do that later," Faith says and she stands up. See, she's getting impatient. Things are serious now and possibly deadly and she doesn't want to sit around and wait. She's always been action girl and waiting around for research has never been her strong suite. It hasn't been mine either but when it comes to the really deadly stuff I like to have my facts before I go rushing off to fight the bad guys. "The demons are probably at the stables already. Don't they need to set up for shit like this?" She's looking at Willow but I don't wait for her to answer. Faith needs to calm down or she's going to get herself and possibly our baby killed. I love her, I do, but if it came down to it I would do anything to protect our babies even if it meant stopping her from doing something bullheaded and stupid by knocking her out and chaining her up.

"Or maybe they don't start setting up until after they have someone to suck the mystical energy out of." She looks over at me and her eyes are really dark. There are only two reasons why she gets that look in her eyes. One of them is she's really turned on but I doubt that's the case right now. The other is that's the same look she always gets right before she slays a vampire. I'm not worried, though. We've been together for years and I know her better than anyone. She would never hurt me, at least not physically. Ok, so at least not physically under her own free will. "We should keep researching the box. Whatever ritual they're doing they can't do it without the box." She slams the book she had been reading shut and the sound of it echoes off the kitchen walls. It sounded more like a gunshot than a book closing, that's how hard she slammed it.

"Yeah, and I say we shouldn't stick around and see if they have a backup plan. We kill the demons and the immediate threat is gone." She has a point and I know she does, but I'm not going to give in on this. This is too important to go off without all of the information we could have. Our daughter's life could be at risk and she's being impulsive. "Then we can smash the box into a thousand and one pieces in case something else tries to use it for evil." I let out an irritated sigh and hold back most of my anger. Getting into an argument about this isn't helping anything and it needs to end as quickly as possible. If only she weren't so stubborn then she would see that this is a waste of time.

"Faith, we can't just go off half cocked and hope everything works out. What if there's too many of them for us to fight? They could kill one of us, use the other for the ritual, and now our kids are orphans." Ok, so I would be lying if I said that wasn't one of my worst fears. I'm so afraid that one day we're going to go out on patrol together and we won't come home. Or worse, we come home but we're vampires and we try to kill our children and they're forced to kill us first. Ok, let's not think about that because it's really starting to piss me off. Anyway, she gets this look on her face like I just slapped her and called her retarded and I guess verbally I did. I won't admit it out loud, though.

"We're not gonna go off half cocked, B. We'll take Sky, Lily and Kennedy with us. If it still isn't enough we'll get some of the girls to help out," she says and I can see some tears building up in her eyes. She loves our babies so much and sitting around here waiting to be told when she can go off and protect them is killing her but she has to wait. We can't just run off without knowing exactly what we're up against or we might as well give them Addison on a silver platter. "I'm not gonna let anything happen to her, B. I'll die first." I feel like someone just dumped an entire truck load of rocks into my chest. This feels like the Glory situation all over again. Why can't my life just be simple for like, a whole year? Is one year of peace really too much to ask?

"I know you would, Faith, and I would too," I tell her and my voice isn't as loud as it was, and my tone isn't as angry. I get it, I really do. Every fiber of my being is telling me to go out there and kill those demons before they get a chance to go after my baby but I have to control it because when I act impulsive people get hurt. "But we need to find out more about these demons before we try to take them down. I don't want them having some kind of power or ability that we don't know about that they could seriously use against us. That would be like a suicide mission." She lets out a little sigh but I know she's going to keep arguing. One of the things I love most about her is she sticks to her convictions, but it's also something about her that drives me crazy.

"If you two are finished squabbling like children, we found some information on the demons," Willow says and I look over at her with I'm sure a surprised look on my face. Wow, that was fast. Normally researching demons can take hours. Days or weeks even depending on how old they are and how much exposure they've had. Faith and I finally stop arguing and let Willow talk. If she tells us what we need to know then we can get out of here and hopefully be back before the kids have to get up for school in the morning. "It says here that every five hundred years on the night of a full moon a new leader of the demon clan is picked and the ritual they perform gives him more power and strength so he can assert himself as the leader." Let me guess, they're male demons. Wait, what she said doesn't make sense.

"If they've been doing this for centuries then what's so special about this ritual? Why are they able to take over the world?" Out of the corner of my eye I can see Faith smirk and I know she wants to make a Pinky and the Brain joke right now but she knows better. She's been referencing that a lot because she bought the Animaniacs DVDs to show the kids what 'real' cartoons really are. She would have a point if she weren't totally insane. Again, why does my mind keep wandering off to pointless things I shouldn't be thinking about? I think I need to have my head checked.

"The spell that turned all the potentials into full grown slayers," Spike says and I glance over at him. I cross my arms over my chest and I guess I look intimidating because he backs off a little. His tone was kind of harsh which I don't appreciate. He understands that using that spell was the only way we were going to win, but he also knows that there were devastating consequences, and he hasn't really gotten over it. "It's always just been one girl in all the world. Now it's hundreds, maybe thousands of slayers all over the world. If they can perform the ritual with a normal slayer it would give them more power than they've ever had before. If they can get a hold of the true essence of the slayer, of your little bit, they would be unstoppable."

"This is always going to be a problem for her, isn't it?" I ask no one in particular. I sound so…tired. Sick and tired of everything that always happens to us, especially her. I know that we have more important things to focus on at the moment but as her mother I feel like I have every right to be sick and tired. "There's always going to be some demon or vampire cult that wants to dominate or destroy the world and she's going to be the thing they need for the ritual. I wish we could do something to make it stop." I'm starting to regret not asking Willow to bind their powers when they were babies. Faith and I decided it would be best if they were able to grow into their powers, to learn about it when they're young, but I think that was a mistake.

"Come on, B, don't think like that," Faith says and she has her 'talk Buffy down from a mental breakdown' voice on. It's the same voice she gets when we're out on patrol and we run into a stray dog that's afraid of people. It's soothing and calming, and I know she's only doing it because she thinks I'm about to lose it. "Don't feel guilty for having her. It's just part of the deal. The boys are going to have it just as rough when they get older." Later on she'll have to explain why that's supposed to be comforting. "You know they love being slayers. Part of it is dealing with demons. It can't be all super powers and good looks. There's gotta be a downside." I let out a little sigh and shut the book I had been reading.

"You're right," I say with a little sigh. She's not right but I want to get this over with and now before those demons make a move. I would rather be on the offensive side of this fight. Ok, time to do the thing that everyone hates and turn into General Buffy. It's the only way we're going to get this done quickly. "Will, does it say anything about the demons themselves? Is there anything special you have to do to slay them or will basic decapitation work?" I wonder what type of conversation we would be having right now if we were normal and not slayers or a witch or a vampire with a soul.

"No, doesn't mention anything specific," she says and she keeps scanning through the pages. I don't mean magically or anything. She's just reading really fast. She gets that look on her face that she always gets when she finds bad news. I hate it when she gets 'bad news' face. It's never good. "They'll be extra defensive, though, and ready to ward off any attacks. Hours before the ritual they'll be at their weakest mystical-power wise. So be prepared for lots of physical resistance to compensate for that." I groan on the inside but don't let it out. I'm in General Buffy mode so emotions have to take a back seat.

"Great, and here I thought it was going to be easy," I say and rub my hands together. Ok, so maybe I'm a little rusty when it comes to being General Buffy because I haven't had to be this way in years. Since we don't have to do anything special to kill them it shouldn't be too difficult to come up with a plan. They sound like your basic demons, and killing basic demons is something I excel at. "Ok, Faith, you call Lily and Kennedy, tell them we need their help. Will, you think you can see if Sky will help out on this one? I know she's been cutting back on the patrols and staying fray-adjacent since Ashlyn was born but we could use the extra muscle." She nods her head and stands up.

"No problem. I'm sure she'll be more than willing to help since Addison could be in danger," she says and starts gathering the books up. I guess she's going to take them home with her. I would argue about leaving them here in case we need them but it's no use. The last time she left one of her books here someone who is totally not me spilled a cup of coffee on it and since then she hasn't trusted anyone enough to leave her books here without her. "If she's not it couldn't hurt taking along an all powerful Wicca." We exchange a small smile and it will never cease to amaze me how willing she is to put herself in danger to protect me and mine. She takes her books and leaves the house without another word, and I let out a little sigh. Please let this night end soon and without any casualties.

"Buffy, what can I do?" Spike asks and it startles me a little. To be honest I kind of forgot he was here. He's been so quiet and calm and he just kind of faded into the background. It's kind of surprising since he normally makes his presence well known. I guess since he's taken over for Angel it's changed the way he conducts himself on 'business calls'. "I don't want to step on anyone's toes but I can help." He could help since he has all of that vampire strength, he's a very well trained fighter, and he believes in the cause. But if he goes with us there will be too much posturing between him and Faith and I can't risk that happening. Besides, there's something more important he can do.

"You stay here," I tell him and he doesn't look happy about it. "I need someone capable to look after the kids and Willow has to stay with Ashlyn so she can't." I hear Faith let out a little chuckle and I know she's going to give him crap about this. I don't know why she would when we're talking about the safety of our children, but she likes making fun of Spike so I guess logic isn't really involved. I wish she could just let it go. What is wrong with her that she always gets so jealous whenever the three of us are in a room together? I never get jealous when we hang out with Xander and she took his virginity. Maybe if I start acting jealous when he's around she'll see how annoying it really is and stop.

"I'll do that," he says and he sounds disappointed. I guess he really wanted to get involved with the actual demon slaying. Well he'll just have to suck it up because I need someone that I trust completely with my babies so I won't have to worry about the demons making a move while we're gone. "Just be careful. Demons might not be as weak as Willow thinks and I don't want your little ones waking up in the morning without you here thinking I slaughtered their parents. Even miniature slayers are bad for a vampire's health." As much as I hate to admit it he could be right. Willow is genius level smart but she has been wrong before and will be wrong again. But we're talking about my kids so I need to trust her because she would never intentionally put them in harm's way.

"We'll be as careful as we can. You know how these things go. You plan for smooth but they never go that way," I say and he nods his head a little because he knows exactly what I'm talking about. "The kids have already been put to bed so they won't be any trouble. If Matthew gets up and wants to know what's going on just tell him there was a situation we needed to take care of and to go back to bed. Don't mention anything about Addison possibly being a target. He's always been crazy protective of her and you'll just freak him out. If one of the little ones wake up just give them a glass of water and send them back to bed. They're good kids and they know the rules so they shouldn't give you any trouble." It's weird how much mom-mode and General Buffy really are alike. "Why are you smiling at me like that?

"I'm happy for you," he says and the smile doesn't go away. You've known Spike as long as I have so you know how rare it is for him to have a genuine smile that isn't leering or used to emphasize some type of sick double innuendo. "You worked so hard in Sunnydale, went through so much heartache and disappointment and thought having this kind of life wasn't possible." Does he really have to remind me all of that now? He knows how caught up in my own mind I can get and he's just bringing up things I shouldn't be thinking about. "Now you have a loving family and the most loyal friends a person could ask for. I can't think of anyone who deserves it more than you." I look into his eyes and all I see is exactly how sincere he really is. I can't help but smile back.

"Thank you, Spike. That really means a lot to me," I tell him and I start to feel a little guilty. He brought up things I shouldn't be thinking about and one memory in particular comes to mind. I know I shouldn't feel bad about it but we always left it unresolved and I want to address it now that we're in the same room and being honest with each other. "I know back in Sunnydale I told you I love you and for a while I hinted that maybe we could work things out and be together for real, but I wouldn't give up what I have with Faith for the world." I mean that literally. If it came down to saving the world and giving all of this up, I would rather let the world end because without my family nothing else matters. I know that sounds a little dramatic but it's true. "I'm sorry if you're disappointed but I guess we were never meant to be."

"I'm always going to be a little disappointed," he says and breaks the eye contact we had going. I'm glad he did because it was getting a little intense. "You're Buffy and I'll always love you." That's really not what I wanted to hear. I was hoping he would say that he's moved on and not pining anymore. He looks into my eyes again and he's nothing but serious. "But you're happy, anyone can see that and I just have to accept that it's not me who's going to be the one to make you feel this way. I just wish there was something I could say to get your woman to back off. Bent's like a dog with a bloody bone." I think getting through Faith's thick skull would require surgical tools, or a mallet, or Olaf's troll hammer. That might work.

"Hey B, time to get going," I hear Faith say and I whip around. I totally forgot she was in the room. She was on the phone so she probably missed a lot of the beginning of that conversation. "Ken and Lil are gonna meet us outside the training house. Lily doesn't want to leave the girls alone with Cordelia so Xander's gonna keep an eye on the place while they're gone." Really, how long was she standing there? I wonder how much of the conversation she heard and what she's going to do with what she heard. Hopefully she'll save her ranting and attitude for after all of this is over because I really don't want to be in the middle of fighting for our daughter's life and her bitching that Spike and I shared a little moment in our kitchen.

"Ok, will you get some weapons? I'll be there in a second," I tell her and I expect her to get a little huffy about it because I'm asking her for alone time with Spike but she doesn't and I don't know how to feel about that. She nods her head a little but she wasn't looking at me. She was looking at Spike. I guess she heard most of that conversation if they're exchanging that kind of look. I feel like they should be sitting down and talking about how many goats I'm worth, but I'll get mad about their possessiveness later. We have some demons to slay. When she leaves I turn back to Spike and he looks a little…well, his facial expression is back to neutral so I have no idea how he really feels right now.

"We'll be back as soon as we can," I tell him and I lick my lips. I'm getting nervous even though I know I shouldn't. Spike is a good fighter and he's the new champion for the Powers, so there's no way he would let anything happen to my kids. I still need to voice my concerns or I might go crazy. "Spike, please, protect them like they're your own." He looks into my eyes and I can practically see the wheels turning in his head and he gives a little nod. I get the urge to hug him but I don't want Faith to see and possibly misinterpret it as anything more than a 'thank you for promising to protect my babies because we don't have time for that argument. Like I said before, we have some demons to slay and they've not only awoken the slayer inside of me, but they've pissed off my maternal side and they're not getting out of this alive.

FPOV

I really fuckin hate it when Spike comes to town. Buffy thinks it's because I get jealous because of their sexual history together. She has a past and so do I and it is what it is. You can't change it so there's no point whining about it. I get mad because she looks at him the way she should be looking at me. She gets that big 'Buffy' look on her face and you just want to take her in your arms and hold her for twenty minutes straight. And I can tell he wants to but he has enough common sense not to 'cause we both know I'd stake his ass in a heartbeat if he tried anything with her. Ok, so maybe I wouldn't stake him 'cause the world needs him but I would kick his ass to a bloody pulp, that's for fuckin sure.

I gotta say I do feel better about it now than I did half an hour ago. Hearing him say that he's gonna try to accept the fact that B loves me and not him is a big relief. There was so much about the two of them that was left wide open and thinking about how they were gonna either get closure or see where it takes them was driving me fucking crazy. I always thought one day Buffy's gonna realize how much time she's been wasting with me and they're gonna drive off into the sunset in Spike's DeSoto. With Springsteen playing on the radio. And she'll have perfect hair. You can probably tell I've thought a lot about it, but you can't really blame me. They've always had crazy chemistry together and if you think about it we're kinda the same. We started off wanting to kill each other and we ended up hooking up.

But I don't have to worry about that anymore. I heard it straight from the vampire's mouth that he's not going to make a pass at B. Buffy also said she would never leave me and I believe her. We've been through so much over the years and I finally trust her completely. I think it has to do with the fact that I've finally forgiven her for all of the fucked up shit we've been through. It seemed like whenever things got stressful between us she would kick me out and a small part of me still resented her for it. I didn't even know I was doin that until one day I had a really long talk with my dad after work. We just sat around talking and drinking and I opened up to him about a lot of shit and he gave me some advice. Told me I need let go of the bad shit from the past, and I've learned to let it go and it feels great.

"Great, this is just fucking great," Lily says and puts her crossbow away. We're at the stables that are on the very edge of town and trust me when I say she doesn't sound fuckin happy at all. That's because we're here and the demons we were ready to slay aren't here. We've checked every stall and there's nowhere else they could be hiding. There's stuff here that's clearly demonic but they're gone so they're probably out looking for a victim to use for their ritual and we've wasted our time, and ten dollars in gas. What? I drove and I'm not getting reimbursed for that shit, it matters. "The demons are loose, the girls are probably out of their rooms doing God knows what, and fifty dollars says Cordelia is trying to redecorate my training house." I would point out that it's my training house but I don't want to have that fight with her right now.

"For the love of God would you stop complaining? All you've been doing for the last three hours is bitch," Kennedy says and she sounds like she's having a mini-melt down. Maybe we should let her and Cordy stay at our house instead of the training house. Nah, I like my house just the way it is and Lily's right, Cordy tries to redecorate everywhere she goes. It's a nervous habit that's also annoying as hell. "What is it about dating Xander that turns women into angry shells of themselves? Is he just not enough in the sack?" Damn. Remind me to never talk shit about Cordy 'cause if Ken is snappin at a chick she barely knows I'm thinking she'll try to punch me in the face.

"Will both of you cut it out? We don't have time to deal with your bullshit. We have to find those demons as soon as we can, and fighting over petty stuff isn't going to get us there any faster," B says and she sounds pissed as hell. Well, not really pissed but her tone is kinda harsh. Kinda like when we take the kids to the movies and they won't stop fighting over the popcorn and B kinda snaps at 'em. I think it's pretty clear she's been freaking out internally for a while and it's starting to spill over. She gets like this in stressful situations and I don't fuckin blame her.

"Buffy, Willow doesn't know for sure if they're going after Addy. It was just a guess," I tell her and I make damn sure my voice is low and my tone is calm. The last thing I need is to start a fight 'cause her freaking out is freaking me out, you know? Those demons are probably going after Addy, why wouldn't they? But saying it out loud isn't going to help shit. Keeping Buffy calm is important to the plan or bad shit might happen. I have a feeling tonight isn't gonna end well and my instincts about this shit are rarely wrong.

"You're right," B says and I have to fight the urge to ask for that statement in writing. B hardly ever admits that I'm right. I think that's just a spouse thing 'cause I hardly ever admit that she's right, and my dad and Brittany are the same way. "But Cordelia saw those demons take over the world and stopping apocalypses is just what I do and fighting about irrelevant things right now is childish and pointless and making me want to swing my axe very hard." Yeah, 'cause that wasn't a passive aggressive threat. Nope, not at all. There's an awkward and very tense silence while we walk back to the car and this is really starting to get to me. I'm not the kind of person that deals with silence well.

"So Lil," I say and she lets out an irritated sigh. She hates it when I call her that which is part of why I call her that. If she wouldn't have a bad reaction I wouldn't do it as often. "How is ol' Xander boy in the sack?" I know asking these questions I'm just asking for trouble but I need to fill the silence with something and Kennedy brought it up so I'll just blame her. She's the perfect scapegoat in this situation. She's usually the perfect scapegoat in any situation because she's the kind of person who always says what's on her mind. Anyway, back to what I was talking about. "Has he learned to keep up with a slayer?"

"Faith, can we not talk about your past conquests while searching for demons who want to take over the world, or ever?" B says and she sounds hella irritated. I can't help but smirk a little bit. B hates it when I bring up that one night I had with Xander. I don't know why she always gets so upset. It's not like I was in love with him or he was in love with me. Fuck no. I fought a demon but it was too strong to kill so I had to run off like a dog with a tail between its legs. Xander was just there and I was horny as hell 'cause of the whole 'lack of a kill' thing. If anyone else was in that room with me I woulda jumped 'em just like I did Xander. So see, it's no big deal.

"Come on, B, lighten up. I'm just curious," I tell her and give her a little smirk and she rolls her eyes. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for this later 'cause B only thinks she's not jealous of me and Xander, but I know her better than she thinks. Whenever I give the Xan-man I hug she gets this glare on her face like she's about to skin us both. It's scary but sexy at the same time and if she didn't do it I probably wouldn't hug him almost every time I saw him. Since he moved here that's been a lot. He probably thinks I got a crush on him or something. Hmmm, maybe I should lay off the hugs for a while.

"Oh yeah," Lily says and she has her own smirk on her face. "He can definitely keep up with me." Now she has a big dumb smile on her face so I know she's not lying. I can tell when Lily's lying and right now she's being totally honest. At least Xander is getting the job done 'cause if the sex is bad it can affect the rest of the relationship. She gets a curious look on her face and she looks a little jealous too. Fuck, I hope I didn't just poison that well 'cause now that Xander's living here we're back to being buds. We completely own at Halo. "You slept with him?" She doesn't sound mad or upset but Lily's good at covering up the emotions in her voice so I better tread lightly.

"Yeah, way back in SunnyD," I say and make sure to emphasize the 'way' just in case. I slept with him so long ago it almost feels like it happened in a past life or something. And I guess in a way it was 'cause I'm totally not the same person I was when I first tore through Sunnydale like a tornado. "I popped his cherry. Boy only lasted seven minutes but I was so revved up from a fight I had with a demon it got the job done." I hear Kennedy snort and I can't help but smile. I hope she and Lil don't get into a cat fight. On second thought, I hope they do 'cause that would be so fuckin hot.

"Really?" B says and she sounds…surprised. Ok, what the fuck is she doing in this conversation? She doesn't sound mad or jealous. She sounds genuinely surprised, but it has to be fake. B hates it when I bring up me and Xander bumpin uglies. I don't bring it up all the time 'cause I'm not an asshole but it gets mentioned every now and then. "When Spike and I were still going at it like rabbits he "got the job done" five or six times a night. Our record is eleven in one night." I see what the fuck she's doing. Hell, even Ken sees what the fuck is going on 'cause she looks a little nervous, like me and B are about to throw down or something. I glance over at B and she has that challenging look on her face which just confirms that she only said that to be a bitch.

"That was low, B," I tell her and shake my head a little. She told me a lot of what she did with Spike like in fuckin excruciating detail. It was really hard to hear and not drive down to L.A. and put a stake through is undead heart. But B wouldn't want that. Not that he has a soul now and everything. So what she said was low 'cause she knows I hate Spike more than I hate white chocolate. And I fuckin hate white chocolate so fuckin much. B gets a smirk on her face 'cause she knows she's getting to me and I just let out a little sigh. I'm not gonna fight with her over this. I'm not going to let it get to me. Maybe if I say that enough times it'll be true.

"Lighten up, F. I was just going with the conversation." Ok, maybe we will be throwing down tonight. We haven't had a good sparring match in a while. Maybe if we work out all of this aggression now I won't be pissed off when we get home and put my boot through Spike's face. Just the thought of that Billy Idol wanna-be touching her sends my blood pressure through the fuckin roof. One of these days I'm gonna have a Goddamn stroke. Really, what the fuck was she thinking bringing up Spike like that? Yeah, I brought up Xander which was kind of a shitty thing to do, but there's no fuckin comparison between my one night with Xander and the shit that Buffy and Spike did. Hell, some of that shit I won't even do and I'll do just about anything.

"You two haven't changed a bit since I left, and that was years ago," Kennedy says and she sounds annoyed but I can tell she's just joking around. B and I have always been like this. We argue and we bicker and five minutes later we're going at it hot and heavy. It's just the way we are and nothing's going to change that. I hope it never changes 'cause the sex is always better when she's kinda mad at me and I don't care if that makes me kinda weird. You have no fuckin clue how sexy she is when she gets all dom and she always gets dom when she's kinda pissed off. "It's sad, really. Someone should throw a telethon for you because you probably have some weird disease that's stopping you from growing up."

"Right, 'cause you and Cordy playin Ken and Barbie is a sign of maturity," I say and she lets out a little gasp. That's right, bitch, don't give it unless you can take it. I guess she never thought I use something like that against her in front of other people, especially people she barely knows. Ken tells me everything, and I mean fuckin everything. Every little detail about what it's like to be with Cordelia is now burned into my brain. It's a good thing Ken is a slayer 'cause apparently Cordy is a scratcher and she makes Ken bleed all the time but the marks are always healed up by morning.

"Might not be very mature, but it's hot as hell. A little role playing every now and then is good for the soul," she says and we head up the hill towards the car. Why the fuck did the stables have to be all the way out in the middle of fuckin nowhere? It wouldn't be so bad if my car has four wheel drive and was a big truck or SUV or something. But it's not so we had to walk about three miles just to get to the fuckin stables and they were empty. Anyway, I hate to admit it but Ken's right. Me and B role play every once in a while and it's always fuckin awesome. You have no fuckin idea how sexy she looks in cowgirl boots and a matching hat. Especially when she's riding me wearing nothing but the boots and hat. Good times, goooood times.

"Really?" Lily asks and she sounds a little shy. She gets like that sometimes and I'll only admit it to myself but it's kind of cute. She kinda reminds me of B when she gets all shy. Just don't tell B I said that 'cause she gets jealous over stupid shit enough as it is. "I've tried role playing before and it was really awkward. We weren't doing anything really weird or anything. There was a cop uniform and handcuffs involved but I couldn't go through with it." Cop uniform and handcuffs? Those are so going on my Christmas list. Well, maybe not. Maybe I'll get a siren and put it on my car and pull B over when she's on her way home from work and handcuff her in the backseat of her car. Damn, that sounds fuckin hot.

"I was a little weird about it too at first," Kennedy says and I let out a little sigh. I swear, every time we go slaying in groups we always end up talking about this kind of shit. It started out fun, talking about sex and whatnot, and now they're talking about their feelings. What, are we going to sit around and braid each other's hair and wait for our cycles to sync? Ok, so I'm getting irritated, but that's not my fault. I wanna find these demons as quick as fuckin possible so I can kill them and get the fuck on with my life. My baby girl could be in danger and I was joking around earlier about talking about Xander 'cause I was looking for a distraction but I'm really fuckin scared for her. "Willow's the one who turned me on to it. She used to dress up as a-"

"If you want to keep your tongue you won't finish that sentence." Fuck! That scared the hell out of me. I forgot Sky was with us, she's been so fuckin quiet. Since she had Ashlyn she hasn't really liked slaying all that much. She was never really into it in the first place. She's been practicing witchcraft since she was a kid and even though she's not like mother-earth and connected with the roots of nature, it's really what she'd rather be doing. She never got a thrill out of it like most slayers do and since she had the baby she just wants to get it done so she can get back to her family. I get it, I really do, but she doesn't have to be so…anti-social about it.

"Sorry," Kennedy says and she sounds like she means it. I glance over at her and I can tell she does mean it. She looks kinda embarrassed and I can't help but smirk. Ken doesn't get embarrassed often. It's nice to see her humbled a little. "Totally forgot you were standing right there. Did I ever tell you how happy I am for you and Willow? I'm really happy she finally found someone who can give her everything she deserves." Way to cover your ass, Ken. I look over at B and she's got the same look on her face that I know I have on mine. There might be some bloodshed if Ken's not careful. Sky may not be in to the slaying but that doesn't mean she's living without a possessive slayer side 'cause she totally is.

"You have, and thanks," she says and I let out a little sigh of relief 'cause she sounds sincere. So those two aren't going to get into it tonight, which is fucking good. Got enough shit on my mind without those two bickering like little kids. I feel like a total ass now for spouting off about Xander and expecting B to be cool with it. Hell, for even expecting Lily to be cool with it. No one wants to hear about their significant other's ex and even though me and Xander never dated, bringing up our one night was kind of fucked. I'm gonna have to apologize to B later. Maybe she'll let me give her head as an apology. That would fuckin rock. "This is a total waste of time." Ok, she sounds really fuckin agitated. Where the hell did that come from?

"Since when is hunting down demons who want to overthrow the Earth a waste of time?" Lily asks and I shake my head a little bit. 'Overthrow the Earth', is she fucking kidding me? All I've wanted to do today is watch Pinky and the Brain with my kids 'cause they love it and growing up it was one of my favorite cartoons, but I never got the time and she's making it worse. Remind me to go hard on her tomorrow when we spar together. The girls in training could use a real demonstration for once instead of that baby shit we teach them. Using kid gloves is for the best since they don't have full control of their powers, but it would be nice to give them a chance to really let loose. Anyway, back to what we're talking about now.

"The ritual they need to perform to get that kind of power has to be done on a full moon. The new moon was yesterday so the moon won't even be visible until Thursday. They can't do the ritual until next month," Sky says and she sounds pretty fuckin bitchy. I know why. Ashlyn has been sick all week and it's killing her to be away from her baby when she's sick. I get the same way when my kids get sick. They're slayers so they don't get sick often, but when they do I'm like a mama grizzly when her cubs are in danger. "Maybe the vision was just a warning and now we have enough time to prepare. Maybe that stuff back at the stables wasn't demonic at all. Maybe those bones were from a meal from a fox or coyote or some sociopath killed a cat."

"Or maybe my daughter's life could be in danger and we're not giving up until I know for sure that these demons aren't a threat," B cuts in and she doesn't sound happy at all. I put my hand on her lower back and she tenses up. Great, if my touch makes her tense then she's on the verge of a freak out. Sky better watch herself or she's going to be on the wrong end of an angry pint sized slayer. And I can't say I'll really do anything to hold B back. "No one made you come, Sky, and I understand why you don't want to be here, I really do. But since you're here could you please stop treating this like a burden? If Ashlyn was in danger you know I would do everything I could to help." Closing with a guilt trip, typical Buffy move.

"I'm sorry. I know this is important, and I know you would be there if Ashlyn was in danger. She has a double ear infection right now and was running a little bit of a fever all day and that's all I can really think about right now," Sky says and I cringe on the inside. Ear infections are the worse, especially when they get so fuckin bad the ear drum pops. That happened to me when I was a kid. I'm just glad it happened while my dad was still around and I had someone there taking care of me otherwise it might have gotten even more infected and a whole bunch of other bad shit might have happened. "How do you two balance being moms and slayers? I don't think I can do this." I don't really have an answer to give her. It's just something you learn to do over time and some days I'm better at it than others.

"I really don't have an answer for you. I've always talked about personal issues when patrolling with my friends, just ask Willow. Worrying about the kids…you just have to push all of that to the back of your mind and let the slayer within you come out to play. I know that sounds simple but it takes a lot of practice and sometimes I can't do it." Most of the time she can't do it but I'm not going to point that out 'cause it'll start a fight. "You just have to trust the person you leave them with will keep them safe. I've known Willow since we were teenagers, and I know for a fact she would never let anything bad happen to Ashlyn." That's easy to say but you can never completely protect your kids from bad shit happening to them. And I'm not just talking about the demon stuff. Mattie almost broke his leg when he fell out of the tree house but luckily he's a slayer and the impact wasn't hard enough to cause a break.

Everyone goes quiet as we pile into the car. I'm driving, Buffy gets shotgun 'cause it's my car and she's my wife, and the three stooges are in the backseat. I turn on the radio as soon as I start the car 'cause I hate tense silences but I don't wanna open my mouth and start another disastrous conversation. I'm already going to get enough shit for bringing up Xander like that. I don't want to bring up anything else and dig that hole deeper. I really fuckin hate that we didn't find those demons. I wanted to get this shit over with so I can sleep easy tonight and not have to worry about Addy getting kidnapped by demons. B was right earlier when she said this is always going to be a problem for Addy and it isn't fuckin fair. I try really fuckin hard not to, but sometimes I feel guilty bringing my babies into a world that's so against them.

But enough thinking about that depressing shit. I drop Kennedy and Lily off at the training house and drop Sky off at her place and head home. It doesn't take very long 'cause Willow and Sky only live a few blocks away from us. When I pull into the driveway I shut off the car but we just sit here. I look over at B and I don't think she's even realized we're home and the car has stopped moving. She's zoning out big time and that's never a good thing. Ok, so once it was a good thing but I really fucking doubt she's trying to think of a way to get everyone out of the house so we can spend all night fucking on every surface in the living room and kitchen.

I reach over and gently take her hand in mine. It startles her and her whole body gives a little twitch and I can't fight the smirk that pulls at my lips. It goes right the fuck away when she looks over at me and she's got tears in her eyes. I bring her hand up to my mouth and give the back of it a soft, lingering kiss. The tears don't go away but at least now she's got a little smile on her face. That's my baby: one big contradiction in one small, hot package. I have something that I want, nah fuck that, something that I need to tell her but for whatever fucked reason I feel insecure about it. Like it's all gonna come out wrong and she's gonna get pissed off. Fuck it, I'm just gonna go for it.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I stalked you for a day?" I ask and my voice sounds all soft but not meek like I thought it was going to. She shakes her head no and gently wipes the tears outta her eyes before they get the chance to fall and smear the makeup. "It was after I started workin for the mayor. He told three of his best vamps to take you out so you wouldn't be able to interfere with whatever the fuck he needed to do that night. I followed you all day, watched you walk down the halls and go to class. You looked so perfect that day, the sun kept catchin your hair just right and everyone looked back at you when you walked down that hall like they knew you were somethin special, they just weren't too sure why." I look down at our joined hands and start playing with her wedding and engagement rings.

"It doesn't really make sense me followin you in the day when he hired vampires to kill you, but I didn't wanna take the chance that they would try to catch you off guard, in the day. I remember hiding in the library and you were talkin to Willow about something and you kept getting this big smile on your face and I remember thinkin you looked like a little piece of heaven just waiting for someone to come along and notice and I wanted to be that person but I thought it would never happen." I keep playin with her rings and man I was such a fuckin moron back then. No doubt about that. I look up into her eyes for just a second 'cause for some fucked up reason I'm feeling kind of shy. She looks curious and a little confused. Normally I would think that's cute but not right now.

"That night they followed you into a cemetery, had this big plan about how they were gonna lure you into a crypt and corner you. Even back then you were Buffy: legendary vampire slayer, but I really think their plan would've worked 'cause they were so strong, B. They were walkin towards you, and I ran at 'em. Knocked one of 'em to the ground and fought them. You saw some other demon and ran off, and I had the upper hand for a few minutes but they knocked me to the ground and just kicked the shit out of me. Broke almost all my ribs, but I staked all three of 'em. I thought for sure the boss was gonna kill me. No way in hell was he gonna just let me walk after I took out his three best boys, especially when I did it to save Buffy the big pain in his ass.

"But I made up some bullshit lie. Said you were the one that took 'em out and before I got the chance to try Angel swooped in and handed my ass to me since he had such a big love-on for you and followed you around wherever you went." I bring her hand up to my mouth again and kiss the back of it and I see goosebumps pop up on her arm. Why the fuck she's not wearing a jacket I'll never fuckin no. It's the middle of January and yeah we live in a desert but it gets really fuckin cold at night here. "I was so fucked up back then I knew for sure that even if you did love me back the way I wanted you to I would end up fucking everything up because I wouldn't know how to take your love without running for the hills." I have no fuckin clue what the point of that story was but for some reason I feel a little better.

"Faith," she says and just the sound of her voice makes me look up at her. She sounds so taken aback, but sad at the same time. She squeezes my hand a little tighter and the tears are back. "My life isn't worth more than yours. You can't think like that, especially when we're out on patrol or hunting down some demons. I've lost so much, Faith, and if I lost you I don't think I could ever come back from that. Not even for the kids." I unbuckle my seatbelt and lean over and kiss her with every ounce of love and passion I have for her. It's one hell of a kiss, to say the least. She's kissin me back just as passionately. I know this sounds corny but it feels like my veins are on fire and I just need to touch her, need to hold her close and make those tears go away.

I don't want her to ever think that she isn't strong enough. She's so strong she could survive anything and our babies are going to need her if anything ever happens to me. She just doesn't realize how strong she is, is all. I seriously think we're about to move this into the backseat and pull a total Jack and Rose, but then I hear a knocking on the passenger window. We pull back from the kiss and we're both breathing hella hard and her face is flushed and her eyes are so fuckin green they look amazing and a shiver runs down my spine because I know exactly what that means. Anyway, Spike's standing there looking worried as hell and it kills my libido right away. B opens the door and I can already tell she's freaked out.

"I went upstairs to check on the kids and Joseph's gone," he says and time fuckin stops. Joey's gone? Moose, Joe Cool, strong like Donkey Kong, my little partner in driving Buffy crazy is gone? What the fucking fuck? Spike said he would keep them safe, how the fuck could this fuckin happen? "I think he snuck out. The window is wide open and the bed sheets are hanging out like a rope. Takes after the niblet, that one, she was always runnin off." Why the fuck did I teach the kids how to do that? Oh right, just in case there's ever a fire and they get trapped in their rooms. Why the fuck would my eight-year-old baby sneak out? It's not a full moon so there's no werewolves out but there's still a bunch of vamps and demons out there that would love a little pint sized snack and he's never been slaying before. Fuck, I hope he's ok. And he's gonna be in so much fuckin trouble when I find him.

BPOV

My baby is gone. My little baby who's never really been a troublemaker climbed out his window and now he's God knows where getting into only God knows what kind of trouble. What is it with the boys in this house thinking they need to protect everyone else? I think I need to reconsider the way I've been parenting because something is clearly wrong with the way I've been doing it. He probably overheard us and now he's trying to find those demons. Matthew did the same thing a few years ago. I was kidnapped by a demon and my son saved me. The difference between Matthew and Joseph is Matthew has always been really strong and Joseph doesn't have any slayer strength. He's just a normal little boy. We're not sure why but he's never been as strong as the other two when they were his age. So my helpless little boy has run off to try and slay some demons. This night could not get any worse.

"Come on, Red, where is he?" Faith says as Willow does the locator spell. We're over at her house, Spike is back at ours guarding our other children and making sure they stay in their beds. Faith was ready to dust him for letting Joseph get away like this but it isn't his fault. Even though he's not a slayer we have trained him to be sneaky just in case something happens and he needs to get away undetected. It must be in the genes because Dawn was always really sneaky too whenever she climbed out her window. I watch Faith back away from the coffee table and she walks over to me. I've been standing back the whole time trying to figure out in my head what my baby boy was thinking. "I can't believe he did this. God, he could be anywhere." She's on the verge of a breakdown. That much is clear.

"We'll get him back," I tell her and she lets out a big sigh. I feel like our roles are reversed somehow. Like she's the one who's supposed to be comforting me while I'm about to have a breakdown. It isn't unusual. Normally when something big like this happens she's the one who takes care of everyone first before she deals with her own emotions. I guess this is just a little too much. First we think the demons are after Addison and now Joseph is going after the demons. At least that's what we think. Maybe he snuck out for a different reason. Maybe he heard us yelling at each other and he wanted to get away from it. He's always been so sensitive, my little tender heart and when Faith and I fight he always takes it really bad. I reach out and pull her close to me. She wraps her arms around me in a big hug and it feels like she's trying to squeeze the life right out of me.

"I know we will, but I fuckin scared, Buffy," she says and I hear her voice starting to get all chocked up. I guess she was closer to that breakdown than I thought. "He's not like the other two, he's just a boy. He can't protect himself like Mattie and Addy can. He's helpless." Does she have to say everything I've been thinking? Somehow that makes it scarier. Like when it was just in my head it wasn't a real possibility but now that she's put it out there it can happen. "Why didn't he get our powers, B? How come we never really looked into it?" We never looked into it because we thought it was a gift. He would get to grow up and be like everyone else but now it's not a gift. Now it's a nightmare and there's nothing we can do to stop it.

"I don't know but we'll find out when we get him back, ok? After we deal with the demons we'll do some research with Willow and try to come up with something. We can even go out to Cleveland and see if Giles can find anything out." I feel her nod her head and it makes me feel a little better. She isn't going to argue, to start listing all of the things that can happen between now and then that could stop us from doing that. Like Joseph being killed by those demons, or kidnapped by a human being. It isn't just the demons we have to worry about with him. He isn't strong enough to defend himself again normal human beings like the other two and there are very sick people in this world. If Sunnydale taught me anything it's to never underestimate how deranged a human being can be. We all saw what Warren did and he used to just be a normal guy who was power hungry.

"Guys, I found something," Willow says and we both rush over to the table. I can't believe it took that long. Normally when she's doing a locator spell she finds whoever it is within a minute or so. We waited for five minutes and from the sound of her voice I don't think she found him. Plus she said she found 'something'. Not 'I found Joseph' or 'I found him' but 'I found something'. Maybe her wording means nothing and I'm looking too much into it because I'm going crazy. One of my children is missing. I think I have the right to go a little out of my mind. "I couldn't find Joseph because there's something interfering with the spell. There's a presence, a strong magical presence pulling focus away from Joseph's essence." I look down at the map and there's a bright light coming from the woods. Why there's a forest in the middle of Nevada and why no one's ever questioned that blows my freaking mind. This is a desert, there shouldn't be a forest.

"What is that, Will? Is that where the demons are?" I ask and I sound a little panicked. Willow was our only hope in locating our son and it didn't work. Maybe if she had Sky help her then their magic would be strong enough but Sky is trying to calm Ashlyn down. The poor baby has been crying this whole time because of her ear infections. She's in a lot of pain, which I don't blame her for, but the crying is putting everyone on edge. Well, even more than we already would have been. Anyway, Willow gets this look on her face that I've seen many times before. It's the look of 'you're not going to like this so I need to figure out how to word it very carefully'. Yeah, it's a very specific look. It goes hand in hand with her 'I think Faith has gone crazy again but don't be mad at me for saying it' expression but I haven't seen that one in years.

"Yes, it's definitely where the demons are," she says and her voice is higher pitched than normal and it sounds strained. She definitely doesn't have any good news. "If they're strong enough to mess up my spell then they're drawing power from the woods. The forest is made up of nothing but magic, that's how all of those plants and trees survive in the desert. If they're drawing that much power from it then they're going to open up some type of temporal fold. It takes a lot of power to do that and with how much they already have it probably means they're going to be doing it soon." Ok, so lost me at 'if they're strong enough'. She really needs to get it through her head that we don't understand the magic=speak like she does. Faith lets out an aggravated sigh and now she's cracking her knuckles. Crap, I need to step in and fix this.

"Will, in English, please," I say and she gets an apologetic look on her face. She lets out a little sigh of her own. I know she's stressing out a lot about this. Ever since they had Ashlyn they can relate to us a lot better. Before whenever the kids would get in trouble they were empathetic but you can't really know what it feels like when your child is in danger until you have one. You worry every second of the day if they're going to be alright and you're grateful when you can go a whole day without anything too bad happening. Now she really gets it and I know there's about a thousand different scenarios running through her mind of what she would do if it were Ashlyn missing but I really need her to focus. My son's life is literally in her hands right now and I'm starting to run out of my patience for her quirks.

"It means that these demons don't plan on staying on this plane for long. Whatever it is they're after they're going to find it and go home," she says and she has that look on her face again that's telling me I'm really not going to like this part. "If Joseph really is going after these demons and he finds them, if he gets too close when they do the spell he could be sucked into the temporal fold and taken to wherever it is they're going." Holy mother of God this is so much worse than I thought it was going to be. "And these demons are giving off so much power it wouldn't be hard for someone with slayer senses to find them." I look over at Faith and she looks as relieved as I feel. At least Willow was able to bring us some good news. Now this horrible situation doesn't feel as soul crushing.

"Joey doesn't have slayer senses," Faith says and Willow looks really confused. "He doesn't have any powers. He's not as strong as he should be if he were a slayer. There's something wrong with him and he can't defend himself and he's out there on his fucking own." I gently rub her back to try and calm her down but she brushes me off. She's letting her emotions get the best of her and I can't blame her. Maybe when we were first going out her doing something like that would have upset me, but we've been together for almost twenty years and stuff like that I don't take personally anymore. "That's why we need to find him right away, Red. He doesn't have super strength or speed like Mattie and Addy. He's completely helpless." She just has to keep talking, doesn't she? I'm not freaked out enough as it is without her reminding me just how dire the situation is?

"We'll find him, Faith, don't worry. It's just going to take a little more creative thinking to do it since the locator spell is useless right now," she says and looks up at me and I get a very uncomfortable feeling in my gut. What does she mean by 'creative thinking', and why is she looking at me like she's about to do something sneaky? "There is another spell we can use but I need some ingredients." Ok, now I really don't like the way she's looking at me. I don't think Faith likes it either since now she's standing right next to me and looking at Willow like she's going to gut her. I guess Willow realizes how intense she was getting because now she looks a little shy and apologetic. Why, I'm not so sure because I have no idea what she was thinking. Faith might have an idea since she's getting so irritated right now.

"What kind of ingredients do we need, Will?" I ask and she starts flipping through one of her spell books. It's so weird seeing this because she hasn't needed to use an actual spell in a really long time. Her power has grown so much over the years since the last battle in Sunnydale. She really doesn't need to use spells anymore. As long as she has candles or crystals to direct the power she can do almost anything. Time seems to slow as I watch her flip through the book. My little boy is out there, every second that passes could be the last second he's alive and I'm really starting to freak out over here. "I need Juniper root, flea bane, some rose petals, and some of your blood." Ok, that shouldn't be too big of an issue. Just a little prick on my finger and she'll have some.

"What aren't you saying, Red?" Faith asks and she crosses her arms over her chest. I look over at her and she looks really pissed off. Why is she getting so mad? Willow needs to do this spell to help us find our son. You would think she would be glad Willow found another way since the normal locator spell isn't working. Judging by the guilty look on Willow's face I guess Faith's concerns are not unfounded. She only gets that look when what she needs to do might be dangerous. If she thinks it's dangerous after all of the things we've been through then it must be pretty bad. Ok, now I'm starting to get a little nervous. Willow needs to hurry up and speak.

"I need to get the blood from a very specific body part for the spell to be effective. Normally a couple drops of blood from a fingertip would do the trick but because these demons are using really powerful magics and its throwing everything else off, I need to get some of the blood that gave Joseph life," she says and now I'm getting really worried. I'm getting worried because she just pulled a classic Willow-babble. In high school and even in college it wasn't an uncommon thing. She would get nervous or a little panicked and she would babble. Now that we're older it doesn't happen very often and when it does it's because she really stressed or worried about something. If she's really worried enough that she's babbling then whatever she needs to do is probably really bad.

"We both gave Joseph life. Can't you just take some blood from Faith and me?" I say and gently place my hand on Faith's back. I don't know why but that sentence just made me mad. Yes, I'm the one that carried him inside of me for ten months, but Faith also helped create him. He's as much hers as he is mine. I guess Willow understands why I'm so upset now because she looks even guiltier than before. I didn't mean for that to sound as accusing as it did. I guess I'm upset because I get so sick and tired of people asking me inappropriate questions when they meet my kids for the first time and find out I'm with another woman. They always want to know who their 'real' other parent is and I'm sick of it. Our babies are ours, end of story.

"Normally that would work but tonight it isn't. I need some blood from your uterus, Buffy. That's where Joseph got his life's blood from," she says and glances down at my stomach again. Ok, so that explains why she was staring at me weirdly earlier. She was probably trying to imagine how she was going to get some blood. "I could use a couple drops of Faith's blood to make the spell a little more powerful, but it will be useless if I don't get a couple drops from your uterus." Ok, so why are we still just talking about it? My baby is out there and she's worried about upsetting us by saying she needs blood from me. I get that this is going to be more than just a little prick on the finger but he's my baby and I'd do anything to get him back. She's a mother now too, she should know that.

"How the hell are you gonna do that, Red?" Faith asks and she sounds pissed. I look over at her and she looks as upset as she sounded. I understand the fact that she's protective, I really do. But this is one of our babies we're talking about. If she needed a freaking kidney I would gladly hand it over if it meant getting Joseph back. Willow stands up and walks over to trunk in the corner of the room. She says a few words and there's a small bright flash of light and the lid opens up. That's a neat trick. I might have to do that with some of my stuff the kids keep getting into. "Willow, I said 'how are you going to do that?'" Wow, Faith is really impatient right now. I completely understand it because I'm starting to get to that point also.

"Just like I would if I needed some from a fingertip: with a needle," Willow says and starts digging through the trunk. It doesn't take her long to find what she's looking for. She's always kept her stuff very well organized. Sometimes I wish that quality would rub off on Faith but unfortunately it never has. She stands up and turns around and my eyes go really wide. "But this one is a lot longer and it will be a little more painful and dangerous." You think? Now I know why Faith got so upset before. I guess she knew what Willow was going to need to do. Why I didn't think she was going to need a needle that big, I have no idea. I'm willing to do it, I have to do it, but I'll admit that now I'm a little scared, and by a little I mean a lot.

"Ok, Will, how do we do this?" I ask and I sounded more nervous than I thought I would. She gives me a small, sympathetic smile and points to the couch. "So I just lie down and lift up my shirt? That doesn't sound too hard." I don't even have to glance over at Faith to know she's thinking something dirty. "And don't even bother, Faith, it's too easy." She was going to make a smart ass comment. We've been together for almost twenty years. Trust me when I say I know her better than I know myself. "Let's get this over with." I walk over to the couch and lie down. At least the couch is really comfortable. It would suck double time if I had to do this on an uncomfortable couch. Why, I don't know but I have a feeling it would. I need to stop thinking about things that don't matter and focus. My son's life is on the line here.

Once I get situated I pull up my shirt just enough to expose my stomach. I feel really weird doing this and Faith must think it's a bad idea because she's right next to me looking very protective. She's always been really good about that. About protecting me when I'm vulnerable and making me feel completely safe. Right now it's a little hard because of the huge needle that's about to go into my body, but at least she's trying. Willow kneels down in front of me places her hand on my stomach. I feel a warm sensation against my skin and her palm starts to glow. She's doing some kind of magic, that much is obvious, but I have no idea why. Maybe she needs to do a ritual before she can get the blood? When she pulls her hand back there's still a soft glow on a little spot on my stomach.

"I just want to make sure I get the right spot," she says and gets a little reassuring smile on her face. I guess she can tell how nervous I am. She picks up the needle and gentle puts the tip of it on my skin. "This is going to sting a little." Why did she have to say that? I know I'm a slayer so I probably won't feel this as much as a normal person would, but I really don't like needles. They give me the wiggins. As Willow starts to push the needle in, I feel Faith gently caress my cheek. I look up at her and she looks deeply into my eyes. I know what she's doing. She's distracting me from the pain. It's amazing how she always seems to know just what I need. I guess that's what happens when two people have been together for almost two decades.

"Ok, that should be enough," she says and slowly takes the needle out. I look up and only see a few drops of blood and hopefully that will be enough for the spell. I'm feeling a little lightheaded over here and I don't know if I could do that again without passing out. She sets it down on the table and walks back over to the trunk. She starts pulling out some more stuff, which I'm assuming are the ingredients for the spell. I glance down at my stomach and the glowing is gone and my slayer healing has already taken care of the puncture mark. What does it matter? I shouldn't be taking a moment to be glad for slayer healing. I need to focus on finding my little boy because I don't get him back soon I think I might go crazy. And I'm not talking about the kind of crazy you can eventually get over. No, I'm talking about being committed to a nuthouse for the rest of my life kind of crazy.

"Alright, this should only take a couple of minutes to whip up," she says and places a small wooden bowl on the coffee table. She measures out everything that she needs and one by one starts pouring them into the bowl very slowly and carefully. So I take it this potion is sensitive. That's good to know. I don't recognize any of those powders or roots and even though I'm kind of curious about it now is not the time for a lesson in advanced potion making. "Faith, I'm going to need a little bit of your blood too. It will help strengthen the spell a little and we could use all of the help we can get." Truer words have never been spoken. Faith lets go of my hand and pulls out her switch blade. I hate that she carries that thing around with her. If she gets caught with it she's going to jail but she insists on taking it with her all the time just in case she needs it.

"How long is this going to take to work?" Faith asks and cuts the tip of her finger and holds it over the bowl. Willow squeezes to get a few drops of blood out and I concentrate on not passing out. "I mean, are we gonna be sitting on our asses for two hours waiting for all this stuff to combine enough to tell us where Joey is?" That's a pretty good question. Why didn't I think of asking that? It could have something to do with a giant needle being stuck in my belly. That tends to be pretty distracting. Willow lets out a little sigh and starts to stir everything together. I can practically see the wheels turning in her mind and I know she's trying as best she can to come up with an answer. With magic there's never a set time line. I'm sure she would have mentioned if this needed to brew for a week before it would be ready, but it could be five minutes or it could be an hour.

"It shouldn't take more than twenty minutes or so. You guys have stronger blood than most people so that should speed up the process. Normally something like this would take about an hour but with you guys being slayers it shouldn't take as long," she says and my heart feels like it's about to explode. This could take up to an hour? We need to find a faster way. My baby could be out there dying. He could be hurt, and not just by a demon but by something different. There's coyotes, stray dogs, rattlesnakes, scorpions. The desert isn't the safest place for a child to be wondering around at night. Why did we decide to move here? We should have found a different way to deal with our anxiousness. Just because there wasn't a lot of slaying in Northern California, it doesn't mean you just pack up your whole life and move to a different state.

"Will, we need it to work faster than that," I say and stand up. Faith stands by my side and can tell she's ready to jump in if things get out of hand. They shouldn't, though. I can keep a handle on my emotions…most of the time. When Dawn was being kidnapped all the time back in Sunnydale it became old hat, but this is completely different. He's my baby and he's out there probably scared out of his mind. "We don't know for sure what these demons are capable of, and if they're near the woods and Joseph finds them then anything could get a hold of him. It isn't a wolf moon but there are other types of demony wolf species. Remember those Tier demons that were imported from Germany and sold as pets but the owner couldn't handle the responsibility of keeping demons so he let them go in the woods? Well that could happen again.

"I know that, Buffy, but we can't rush this. If we try to use it before it's ready or I try to speed it up than it could have devastating consequences. Like the location could be wrong and Joseph is actually on the other side of town, or it could blow up in our faces and kill us all," she says and I let out an agitated sigh. Sometimes I really hate magic. "Lily and Xander are out with the girls patrolling and looking for him. They'll call if they find him, but right now we need to focus on this. I know you would rather be out there looking, I get that, but there's nothing more we can do right now." I know what she's saying make sense but I can't accept that. I can't just sit around here doing nothing while I wait for this potion to finish brewing.

"I get that, Will, I do. I just don't know how much more of this I can take," I say and Faith wraps her arms around me. I hug her back and rest my head against her shoulder. How come in every horrible situation she's the strong one? It used to be me. I used to be the one with an emotional wall of steel. So many bad things happened in Sunnydale and we always seemed to pull through so getting emotional just seemed pointless after a while. I think it has everything to do with Faith. She's someone I can count on, someone who's always there for me when I need her. I can let my guard down and the world won't end because she's there to pick up the slack. God, have I always been this much of a sap or am I just now realizing how ridiculous I sound?

"Babe, is everything alright down here?" I hear Sky ask and I turn my head towards her voice. She's standing in the doorway looking concerned. I guess my voice got a little louder than I intended. Now I feel really guilty about it. Ashlyn is sick. The last thing she needs right now is someone getting upset and yelling, especially since she has a double ear infection. Sky looks like she's been through a wringer or something. This is the first time Ashlyn has ever been sick. Well, at least with something more serious than a generic run of the mill cold. These ear infections have her laid up and she's been really clingy. Joseph has always been that way. Whenever he doesn't feel well he wants to snuggle. Just thinking about him, what he must be thinking right now, it makes my heart hurt.

"Yeah, sweetie, everything is fine," Willow says and walks over to Sky. She wraps her in a big hug, just like the one Faith and I are in, and she gently rubs Sky's back. I'm so glad Willow finally found someone. After everything that happened with Tara I honestly didn't think she would recover. Then Kennedy came along and things got better. Then Kennedy tore Willow's sole into a thousand little pieces and it was bad for long time. Then Sky came along and helped her put the pieces back together again. She's given Willow everything she could ever need and so much more and one of these days I'm really going to have to thank her for that. "The simple locator spell didn't work so I'm trying something different and we don't know exactly how long it's going to be before its ready." She was trying to be quiet but hardly anything gets passed my slayer hearing.

"Ashlyn finally fell asleep. Is there anything I can do to help?" Sky asks and I can tell she's clinging onto Willow pretty tightly. I guess the clinginess is genetic. Then again it's the same way with Faith and I. Faith is the biggest wuss ever when she gets sick. The last time she had the flu she called me five times within an hour and a half just to check in. When I got home that evening I waited on her hand and foot and even spoon fed her some chicken soup. To her credit she will admit that she's a big baby when she gets sick so at least she's not trying to pretend to be all macho about it. Why am I even thinking about this? There are a million other things I need to be focusing on right now. "I want to help out, babe, what can I do?" I feel a little relieved. Maybe if they're working together they can find him faster.

"Can you do a little more research on the demons? Maybe try to find out where they're going if they really are trying to open a temporal fold," Willow says and gives Sky a little kiss on the cheek. They break apart from each other and the look on Sky's face makes me snuggle a little closer to Faith. She looks like she really wants to be held and the hug ended way too quickly. I don't blame her. Whenever my kids get sick it takes a big emotional toll on me so I know what she's going through right now. "I need to keep an eye on this potion, make sure it's coming along correctly." I have to bite my cheeks to stop myself from saying something snarky. I know she's doing the best she can, and she's probably feeling stretched a little thin helping me and Faith and emotionally supporting her wife, but my little boy is missing so getting him back is my first priority.

"Red, is there something we can do? I hate feelin useless," Faith says and rubs my back a little. I know how she feels. I wish I could be out there finding my son but we need to stay here so we'll know for sure where to go. And also in case he comes back. Maybe nothing bad will happen and he'll realize how big of a mistake he's making and he'll come home. I want to stay optimistic, I really do, but there's a part of me that really doesn't believe it's going to be that simple. Nothing for us is ever that simple and easy. Anyway, Willow looks up at Faith and I can tell by the look in her eyes that there isn't anything for us to do other than just sit here. I guess she's running low on the demon books.

"No, there isn't, I'm sorry. That's the only book I have on demons that use temporal folds to travel. The slayer academy has a bigger collection and I've already called Andrew and he has the magical department doing research. They're going to teleport the second they find anything. We'll get him back, you guys, I promise. It's just going to take a little while," she says and my heart sinks. I want him back now. I need to be out there looking for him right now. He is going to be in so much trouble when he gets home. I'm talking about full groundation for at least a month. No leaving the house, no video games, no television, nothing but sitting in his room and thinking about why it's a dumb idea to just take off in the middle of the night. I may even make him eat two servings of peas at dinner instead of just one. He hates peas, that'll be like torture for him.

"Guys, I think we have a little bit of a problem, but it could also be a good thing," Sky says and we all look over at her. She has the book open and she also has a piece of paper in her hand. Willow drew a sketch of the box and I guess Sky's found some connection to it. I finally pull away from Faith and we all walk towards her. "The ritual that these demons need to perform is on a full moon, which is a month away." Yes, she said that before when she kind of freaked out on patrol. "According to this the dimension that these demons live in has a different perception of time. A full month here is only one day over there." Ok, I have no idea where she's going with this. I wish she would just come out and say it. I guess it's kind of a good thing because Willow looks a little excited.

"Yes, that's perfect!" Willow yells and twirls in the air. Damn, when did her powers get so strong she can levitate and twirl? If the situation weren't so dire I would probably ask her to teach me how to do that. "Buffy, even if these demons do take Joseph or he accidently gets too close when they try to go home, we still have an entire month to find which dimension they're in and bring him home. And since time runs so quickly over there they won't have enough time to find a new source of power." That also means if my baby boy does get caught up in the spell and transported along with those demons he's going to be gone for at least a month. He's only been gone for forty-five minutes that we know of I really don't think I could handle a whole month.

"Red, I think this potion is done brewing," Faith says and I look over at her. There's a bright blue glow coming out of the bowl on the coffee table. It actually looks really pretty and if I wasn't so stressed out and my son's life wasn't hanging in the balance I'd take a picture. Before anyone else can say anything, Willow runs over to the bowl and picks it up. She very carefully pours the powdery stuff over the map and spreads it around very slowly. I see Sky shake her head and not in a good way. I guess this potion was more dangerous than I thought. Sky only gets upset when Willow starts dipping into the black arts again. I really hope this isn't going to be the start of a weird relapse and Willow goes off the deep end because the world barely survived the first time that happened.

"Ok, this should only take a few seconds," she says and waits. I watch as the powder disappears. It looks like it's being absorbed by the paper and it's a really weird thing to see. There's a few moments of tense silence and I think I would be able to hear a pen drop upstairs everyone is being so quiet. Then, very slowly, a little blue dot beings to glow on the paper. Willow gets a huge smile on her face and she looks a little closer at the map. "He's on Wilcox Street. It's near the elementary school. Why would he go to that part of town this late at night?" Why is she even asking? Does it really matter why he's there? Anyway, she pulls out her cell phone and pushes the number one and presses send. "Xander it's me. Tell the girls they need to check Wilcox Street, it's near the school. I just did a spell and I'm sure that's where he is." She's sure but she's not completely positive. I really don't like how that sounds.

"Come on," she says and jumps up off the floor. "We need to find him before those demons do." That is like music to my ears. We're finally not waiting around anywhere. We have an idea of where he is and we're going to get him back. I know I'm a married woman but I'm so relieved I could kiss her right now. I won't, but the urge is definitely there. I watch as she runs over to Sky and places a quick kiss on her cheek. Sky looks worried, but she always looks worried when Willow needs to help be a demon hunter. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Keep our baby safe, ok?" Sky nods her head and they kiss again only this time on the lips. I'm surprised Faith isn't saying anything about it but I guess she gets it. Whenever we patrol separately she always gets a little bit of separation anxiety too. "Ok, let's go get your boy back." It's about freaking time she said that.

FPOV

"Red, what does the map say? Is he moving at all?" I ask and blow passed another stop sign. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Buffy and she looks like she's about to have a heart attack. What the fuck does she have to be afraid of? Before I taught her the right way to drive she used to floor it like a maniac and hit the corners way too fuckin hard. I'm surprised she never killed someone. But none of that shit is important right now. Right now we're looking for my boy. Joey ran off for only God knows why and if Red's spell worked than we're going to get him back right now. There's gotta be something wrong with the boys in our family if they think it's ok to just run off like this whenever there's a demon threatening our family. Tomorrow I'm going to sit them down and have a little talk with 'em about it.

"He's moving a little but staying in the general area," she says and I glance back at her in the rearview mirror. She doesn't look worried, which is good. I've learned over the years that when Willow looks worried it's time to start panicking. But right now she looks pretty calm and it's keeping me a little grounded. "It shouldn't be too hard to find him." Except that he's by himself in the streets and he has about two years worth of slayer training under his belt. Even if he doesn't have any powers like the others he still knows how to hide. We might as well be looking for a lizard type that can change color to become invisible. I can't remember the name of that demon, but trust me they're a bitch to track down.

I guess this is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't kinda situations. On the one hand I could've waited until all of my kids were older to start their slayer training. There powers would be a little more evolved and maybe they could handle them a little better and it would make training easier. On the other hand demons attack us all the time because we're the two original slayers. The ones that were naturally chosen by fate or whatever to be the protectors of mankind. Get a little bit of our blood and we can be the ingredient in about a hundred spells that ends the fuckin world in a heartbeat. So our kids need to know how to protect themselves against demons and vampires and the only way to do that is to train them. Even teaching them to make a rope out of their bed sheets is a fuckin tossup. Yeah, he used it to sneak out of his room but if there's ever a fire in the house it could save their fuckin lives.

"We just have to make sure the demons don't find him first," Buffy says and it makes my blood boil a little. I know she's worried and she's gotta be freaking out on the inside because I am too. But that doesn't mean she has to say that shit out loud. I grip the steering wheel a little harder and I think it's about to snap. Fuck, I need to chill out or that would be really fuckin bad. I focus on the road and try not to pay too much attention when Buffy turns around in her seat. "Will, did you call Xander and Lily and tell them where to look?" She already knows the answer to that question but when she gets really nervous like this it doesn't matter. She'll ask the same thing over and over again just to give her mind something to focus on.

"Three times, Buff. They're on their way. They should make it there before us," she says and she has that reassuring tone to her voice. It almost sounds like she's talking to a scared animal or something. I guess that's a fair assessment of how B's acting right now. She's a scared mother looking for her lost child. If you ask me there's almost nothing more primal and animalistic than that. "Only the girls with the most training are going. Xander is taking the others back to the training house for the night. Lily didn't think it would be a good idea since Joseph's so close to where the demons are. Not with what's at stake." That's some really good thinking. The last thing we need is some newbie slayer who can't control her powers trying to be the hero by rushing out and trying to kill a demon she has no business fighting.

"Call her again, Red, make sure she's there. Tell her we'll be there in fifteen minutes," I say and I got the whole bossy general slayer thing going on. Most people think it's Buffy that turns to that the quickest since she was such a pushy bitch back in Sunnydale during the battle with the First, and she had years of practice before that. But I'm the one who normally gets all take charge when shit starts to go own. I get even worse when it's one of my kids that's right in the middle of it. God, what the fuck was he thinking climbing out his window like that? I gotta give him props for remembering how to make a fire escape like that. I really didn't think any of the kids were paying attention when I taught 'em how to do that. Guess I was really fuckin wrong.

"We're going to get him back, Faith. He's going to be ok," Buffy says and puts her hand on my knee. I guess she's trying to be comforting but I can tell she's just saying that because she needs to hear it. How come in the middle of all this shit she has to say something that breaks my heart a little? It wasn't so much what she said but how she said it. She sounds a little…defeated. Like she doesn't believe what she's saying. I guess she's been through too much shit to really believe everything is going to turn out perfect. I have to believe that, though, or I'll drive myself fuckin crazy. We're going to find our boy, we're going to kill those demons and we're going home. That's it, that's all that I'm willing to believe is going to happen. I'm not going to prepare myself for anything else. He's going to be ok: story, end of.

"Lily said she and the girls will be at the school in five minutes," Willow says and it snaps me back to reality. "That's where he's still headed. He's almost there now." Why the hell would he be headed towards the school if those demons are in the woods? Maybe it's some kind of trick or something. Maybe the woods are just giving off a lot of magic and those demons have nothing to do with it. But that can't just be a coincidence. If those demons are here on this plane and the magic in the woods is stronger than ever then it has to be related, I just can't figure out how the fuck it's connected. I turn the corner really fuckin hard and my car fishtails a little bit. Fuck, maybe I should slow down a little bit. Lily said she'd be there soon and I trust her to protect my boy's life with her own. She's a really good slayer. I can't lose faith in that. No pun intended.

I hear Buffy let out a really big sigh and I know exactly how she feels. She's getting really anxious because we're so close yet we're still so far away. I don't think either of us are going to be calm or relaxed until Joey's back in his bed where he should be right now. And I think tomorrow when all of this shit is said and done I'm going to just stay home and have a few drinks. I know I've promised B that I'd cut back on the alcohol but if there's ever a reason to kick back and enjoy a few beers it's the day after your kid ran away. We're working under the assumption he's going after these demons himself but maybe he's not. Maybe he heard me and B fighting and he got sick of it and took off. That thought isn't crazy. He's always been really sensitive about shit like that. We need to start watching our voices more when we disagree on shit.

"Willow, is he still headed toward the school?" Buffy asks and she sounds like she's getting really anxious. Maybe I should have let her drive. Sure I'd be the one going crazy but at least I wouldn't have to hear her going mad. Yeah, I know that was pretty bitchy but she's starting to grate on my nerves and I don't know how much of it I can take. I know if I say anything it will just start a fight and we really don't need to get into one of those right now. When Red doesn't say anything right away I glance into the rearview mirror. I probably shouldn't be doing that shit since I'm going to fast, but I need to know what the fuck is going on. She's looking at the map really close. I guess the spell is starting to wear off because the light on the map isn't as bright as it was before.

"It looks like he's there now. We need to hurry, the spell is starting to dissipate," she says and I have to resist the urge to fuckin floor it. Lily is already there, she'll find him and everything will be ok. I have to keep repeating that over and over 'cause it's the only fuckin way we're going to get to that school without getting into a huge car crash. I really don't think we'd be able to fight off any demons if our bones were all broken and fucked up from the car flipping about fifteen times. And with how fast I'm already going that's what would happen if I fuck up. "The light is gone, you guys. I'll have to wait a few minutes before I sprinkle on more of the potion or else it won't bind to the paper correctly." Thank fucking God she brought more of the potion. I was about to have a panic attack.

"It doesn't matter, Will, we're almost there," Buffy says and I have to fight the urge to say something back. I know if I open my mouth right now it won't be anything nice. What the hell was she thinking, of course it fucking matters! Sure, he's at the school now but one of those demons could grab him and drag him off somewhere and we wouldn't be able to find him. Or there could be a vampire or a different kind of demon or some creepy night janitor who wants to hurt my boy. Just the thought of all that shit happening to him makes my blood boil and if I don't calm the fuck down right now this steering wheel isn't gonna survive. "Pull out the blue prints for the school and sprinkle some of the potion on that. I want to know exactly where he is." Oh, ok, so maybe her plan is better than mine. Maybe she should have said that first.

I slow the car to a stop and those two are out before I even get the keys out of the ignition. Willow has the blue prints to the school on the truck of the car and she's sprinkling some of the potion over it. I'm just going to assume she used her magic to pull that out of thin air 'cause we didn't leave the house with blue prints. Anyway, we wait and I can't fuckin stand the anticipation. I really want to get in there and find my boy but I know if I just take off it'll be a waste of time. The school is fuckin huge and I'll be looking the halls all night before I find him. Buffy's right, we need to know exactly where to go if we stand a chance. It feels like the little hairs on the back of my neck are standing completely on end when a little spot on the map starts to glow.

"He's at the basketball courts. They're at the very back of the school," Buffy says and we all take off running. Willow has a hard time keeping up but I really can't stop and worry about her. She can hold her own if anything happens. That much I know for sure so I don't have to feel guilty about not being more concerned. As soon as we reach the main building I practically rip the door off its hinges. I've only been to this school a couple of times so I have to let Buffy lead since she knows exactly where she's going. I need to be more involved. I've always left the PTA's and the afterschool functions up to Buffy but I need to start getting in on that shit too. Even if it is just to clean the school's floor plan. My God, how many fucking hallways does this school have? No wonder Joey hates going to school its way too fuckin confusing.

"Come on, Faith, it's this way!" B yells and I have to resist the urge to trip her. Mostly because she's the one who knows where she's going but if she doesn't knock off the shit then she's going down. I know I have bigger things to worry about right now but she's starting to really get on my nerves with the whole 'thinking she's in charge' thing. This isn't Sunnydale, she can't boss me around anymore, and I'm not just going to take it. Except for right now because we have bigger things to worry about. But the next time she starts in with the general Buffy crap I'm going to argue. Alright, I really need to just let it go and pay attention to what the fuck I'm doing but it's hard. Normally whenever shit gets serious I focus my attention on something less important even though I try really hard not to. Old habits die hard, I guess.

As soon as we turn down another hall I feel something in my gut. It's like something just reached out and grabbed me from the inside and is pulling me towards it. The demons are here, I just fucking know it, and it makes me run that much faster. I'm a slayer and I'm still in shape so my legs and the rest of my body are having no trouble with what I'm telling 'em to do. I need to get to Joey and I need to get to him now. Something horrible is gonna fuckin happen, I just know it. I have one of those really bad feelings that I can't change. I hope I'm just being a pessimist. I hope I'm so fucking wrong and that everything turns out ok. But I have a feeling that tonight something so fuckin awful is going to happen and I don't think we're going to able to come back from it.

Buffy turns down another hall and I can see two big doors that lead outside. She's headed for them with a type of determination I've never seen before. Right now she's not Buffy, she's not my wife and she's not the friend that everyone knows and can't help but love. She's the slayer. Focused, determined, powerful, and she'll fuckin kill you in a heartbeat if you get in her way. Even in the middle of all of this I can't help but take wonder at her. She's amazing and I hope that amazement never goes away 'cause if it does that'll be really sad day. Seeing her like that also brings out my inner slayer and I can feel the change. My breathing evens out. My footing becomes stronger as I fall in step with her. The only thing on my mind now is how fast we can get outside and how quickly we can tear those things apart. There's the hunt and nothing else.

We hit the double doors and they explode outward from our momentum. They hit the side of the building with this huge that echoes in the air around us. I see the other slayers, the girls from the training house and they're all just standing around. No, wait, they're not just standing around. They're standing in a defensive stance and they all have crossbows raised and aimed at the same target. They're all dead fucking quiet and none of them even look over to see what that noise was. I guess they know it's us and they were expecting a somewhat dramatic entrance. I freeze in place when I see what they have their sights trained on: three demons, tall, purple and ugly as hell standing about fifty feet away on the basketball courts. Lily is standing about twenty feet in front of them and she's blocking most of their shots. From the way she's standing she's doing it on purpose.

I look over at B and I see her jaw tighten up as the rest of her body gets really fuckin tense. I guess her maternal instincts are joining her inner slayer and they're both ready to spill some blood. We start walking slowly towards Lily and I really don't fucking like this. Why is she blocking their shot? Why hasn't she just taken the demons out yet? I know it's way more fuckin complicated than that but I just don't understand why all of these slayers are just standing around waiting for something to happen. Why would Lily have them this far away with only a crossbow? I glance over at B again and she looks over at me too. I can tell by the look in her eyes that she's feeling just as uneasy about it as I am. We get a little closer and we both stop dead in our fucking tracks. I knew something like this was going to happen. I didn't want to believe it but I just had one of those feelings.

"Just let him go!" Lily screams and I don't think I've ever heard someone sound so agonized before. She's screaming because the demon in the middle, the one being flanked by his two buddies, has a hold of my son. He's holding Joey by the arm but he doesn't look like he's hurting him. Joey doesn't look scared at all. What the fuck is going on? "You don't need him just take me instead!" She's really willing to sacrifice herself for my son? Remind me to give her a hug and buy her a car when this is all over. "I'm a slayer I have even more power than he does. I'm broken. I'm even more powerful than a normal slayer so just take me!" She thinks she's broken? She really doesn't understand that she's one of the strongest people I know because she survived all of the hell she went through? Remind me to sit down and have a talk with her later.

"Just take me with you, ok? Please just let him go," she begs and she sounds like she's damn near tears. I'm too fuckin stunned to say anything. The way she's talking, the tone of her voice, you'd think she was begging for her own child's life instead of mine. And I'm just standing here with my thumb up my ass because I can't snap myself out of it for some fuckin reason. I see my kid in the hands of those things and I should be so fuckin angry that someone has to hold me back but I can't fuckin move. It's like I'm in shock and I can't get my feet to work right. I watch the demons really close and they look nervous now. I guess they know who B and I are and they know their chances of getting out of this alive just dropped to zero. But they have a hostage, and that hostage just happens to be my boy and I'd let them go if it meant getting him back safe and sound.

"No!" the tallest demon, the one who's holding my son, yells and he sounds just as nervous as he looks. I take it these guys have never dealt with a hostage situation before. They normally just kidnap the strongest thing they can find and use their little box to get the power they need. They've never had to deal with complications. Or at least that's what the book said. Fuck it. It doesn't matter right now. Right now I need to just focus on getting my boy back. "We need the boy! Ammut will have his day to rise!" Fuck, they're bound and determined that it's going to be my kid on their sacrificial stone. If they even use a stone, I wasn't really paying attention to that part. I think I might have ADD or something but I need to worry about that later.

"What are you talking about?" Lily screams. I look over at her and I really don't like the way this is going. I slowly start to walk closer to her and I can see Buffy doing the same. The closer we get the more nervous the demons become and that's not a good thing. Well, it is but it's also a bad thing. If they're really nervous it means they could mess up and I could grab Joey without too much of a hassle. It also means that they're more likely to do something stupid, like kill him if we get too close and they think we're going to kill them. "Ammut is an Egyptian goddess who decides if someone is pure and good enough to get into the afterlife!" How the fuck does she know something like that? I think she's been spending too much time with the witches if she can just pull random information out of her ass. The middle demon kind of looks around, like he's trying to come up with an explanation but he can't find one.

"That's a different Ammut. She show-boats, gets all the attention. But our Ammut will rise and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening," the one in the middle says. Fuck, he sounds like a fuckin nerd. So this Ammut d-bag sent his lackies to grab my son and they're not even the higher ups? Or maybe they are and the rest of his little demon army are gonna be so fuckin easy to take down. I don't even have to look behind me to know that every single slayer just took a few steps forward. I can feel them getting closer, and I see the fear in these demons' eyes getting stronger. "And that wasn't an invitation to try!" Oh yeah, this guy sounds really fuckin scared. I see B step closer out of the corner of my eye and she looks like she's had enough of this bullshit. Trust me I'm right there with her.

"Enough!" Buffy screams and all of the demons look over at her. The sound of her voice, that primal tone, ripped all the way to my core and I'm so fuckin glad I'm not the one it's directed at. I probably would've wet myself. "Just give me back my son or I'll tear you apart limb from limb and your master will be finding your body parts for weeks!" Shit, that's fuckin scary. I really wouldn't want to be those demons right now. They look really nervous and afraid but I can tell they're not going to give it up. I bet they're more afraid of what their leader will do to them than what Buffy will do. "He's just a little boy. He doesn't have that much power. You want something with a lot of power, I'm the original slayer, take me instead!" Great, not this bullshit. It didn't work for Lily, I doubt it's gonna work for Buffy.

"Fools!" the middle demon screams. What the fuck is he screaming about? "None of you can see the power held within this small human." He looks down at my boy and gently lifts him off the ground by the arm. I tense up and have to fight every fuckin urge to run over there and rip off his damn head but Joey doesn't look afraid, doesn't look like he's being hurt so I stay put. "He is tiny and doesn't look like much. But his power is far greater than your miniscule minds can even comprehend!" What the fuck is he talking about? Joey doesn't have any slayer powers. I've tested him over and over again and he doesn't have any. He can't even lift a twenty pound weight and Mattie and Addy have been able to do that since they were five.

"Then take both of us!" I yell and step forward. The demon puts Joey down but he doesn't let him go. They all look really confused and I can't blame them. Here they came to this world looking for one thing to drain and now they have three powerful slayers offering themselves to take its place. I bet that isn't in their demon handbook. "We're the two original, destiny chosen slayers. We have access to power _you_ can't even comprehend. So just let go of our son and take us instead." I'm trying really fuckin hard not to scream. I gotta keep my cool or something really fuckin bad is going to happen. That feeling that we're not all gonna make it out of this has settled in my gut and it won't go away. I want them to take us. If they take us it will give us a fighting chance to take them down before they can do the ritual. If Joey gets taken then we'll have to work at getting him back and stopping these demons from rising.

"We don't have time for your trickier, Slayer. We're leaving with the boy," the middle demon says and my blood starts to boil. Joey doesn't look so comfortable now. Now he's starting to look a little nervous. I guess he can tell it isn't going to be that easy. I guess he thought his moms would rush in and kill these demons and save the day but it's a little more complicated than that. I look out of the corner of my eye and B is slowly walking towards them. It's a tricky move but it's one I really want to do myself. She has the right idea. If these demons want Joy so much for their spell than they're not going to kill him. They can't let anything bad happen to him or they won't be able to complete the ritual on time. All we have to do is distract them, grab Joey and get him to Lily so we can tear these fuckers apart.

"We're finished fooling around with you inferior creatures," the middle demon says and it's like he's saying all of this stuff to sound tough. Why the fuck would a demon need to pretend to be badass? I just don't fucking understand anything that's going on right now but I really don't care. I just want to get my boy back. I start walking slowly towards them too and I can see them become more fearful. That's good. I can totally use that to my advantage. "Enlil." The one in the middle looks to the one on the right, and then he looks to the one on the left. "Dave, prep the teleportation spell." Shit, if they can teleport we're fucking screwed. But he says it needs to be prepped so maybe we still have a shot getting Joey home safe.

"Wait, so your names are Enlil and Dave?" Buffy asks and she sounds really fucking confused. I look over at her and she has a little smirk on her face. Great, now she's going to try to banter with them. Actually, that is really great. Maybe it will throw them off their game even more. "What, did they run out of weird names on your home planet so they needed to start picking out normal ones?" I look over at the demons and they don't really know what to say. I guess they're afraid to talk to the original slayer. The thing of legends that give little baby demons nightmares. Ok, so maybe not, but I'd like to think so. If anyone in the world deserves that title its Buffy, that's for fuckin sure.

"He wasn't at the ceremony to pick our worrier names," Enlil says and Dave glares at him. If he had different powers I'm sure daggers would be shooting out of his eyes right now. Ok, so wait, these guys are the worriers? These kinda nerdy, babbling, scaredy cat dorks are the worriers that were sent to find a sacrifice for the ritual? These are the things that are supposed to bring an end to the world as we know it? God, no fuckin wonder Buffy was so frustrated when Warren and Andrew and that other guy kept giving her such a bad time. It's just fuckin pathetic. Enlil looks over at Dave with an agitated expression on his ugly, demony face. "What? Don't look at me like that. The lady asked a question." Dave is about to say something back, I can tell, but before he gets a chance Buffy jumps in.

"The lady also said to give her back her son before she rips you guys to pieces. Why don't we make that happen instead?" she says and she's about fifteen feet away from them now. They look really nervous, like little puppies about to wet themselves. Yeah, it was a weird metaphor. Let's just forget it and move on. The two lackies start chanting and I guess this is them prepping the teleportation spell. I can hear Willow not far behind me chanting her own little spell. I guess she's going to put up a magical block so they won't be able to leave. She's done that before for me when this one demon I was trying to track down for Giles was giving me a bad time. Fuck, I'm so glad I don't work for Giles anymore. That was kind of a drag.

"No, stop coming closer," the middle demon says and I can see him tighten his grip on Joey's arm. Ok, that's it. These purple sons of bitches are going down. "You cannot trick us with your slayer…trickery." Seriously, why are these demons the worriers? Did the leader get annoyed with them and sent them on a suicide mission? Holy shit, this could all be a fuckin diversion or maybe it's a trap. Shit, shit, shit, why didn't we think of that before! The demon named Dave reaches into a satchel and pulls out some type of powder and starts sprinkling it on the ground. The tell tale feeling of magic in the air starts cracking and hissing against my skin. Buffy can feel it too, I can tell. Her whole body just tensed. "Come, tiny human, you're about to become a part of something so much greater than yourself."

Buffy lunges and I take off running towards them. Maybe I can get to them in time. Maybe I'll be able to stop whatever bad thing is about to happen. Time seems to stand still as the big purple demon that has a hold of my boy pulls a knife out of the belt around his waist. He jabs it upwards towards Buffy and if she sees it it's too late for her to do anything. Right before she sharp looking, and really big fucking blade go into her body I hear a scream. There's a loud, high pitched scream that echoes through the air. Then the demons erupt in a huge puff of green smoke like in some cheesy science fiction movie. Buffy disappears into the smoke and I have no fucking clue what's happening. I run towards the smoke and cough as it fills and burns my lungs. I try to find Joey, the demons, Buffy, anybody but I can't find anything.

Then I see Buffy stand up off the ground. She dusts herself off and she looks perfectly fine. Well, physically maybe. She looks like she could pick up one of those buildings and throw it about a hundred miles. She's coughing as much as I am and waving her hand in front of her face to try and clear away some of the smoke. All of the slayers are around us now, circling and raising their crossbows. Lily is in charge and she looks pissed as hell. Willow runs up to us and she looks confused. Finally, the smoke clears and where the demons and my son should be is just an empty space. What the fuck! Why didn't Willow's spell work? She's supposed to be this all knowing goddess of power and possible destruction. So why the fuck couldn't she block a simple teleportation spell? Someone's gonna die for this, even if it means going back to prison.


	92. Breaking The Mold

**The Same Night**. WPOV

"What the fuck?" Faith screams and the sound of it reverberates around us. Everyone is frozen. No one is moving as Faith starts yelling and cussing at the top of her lungs. I can't blame her. If my baby just disappeared right in front of me with a bunch of demons I would be panicking too. In fact, I would probably go all 'dark Willow' again, but that's a train of thought better left un-ridden. "Where the fuck did he go? Red, I thought you were putting up a barrier, what the fuck happened?" She stomps towards me and she looks pissed enough to kill. I've seen that look in her eyes before and it's never good. Usually it's trained on a demon or a vampire, or sometimes a really annoying person standing in front of us in line, but she's never looked at me like that before and I'm really glad my bladder is empty or I would need a new pair of underoos.

"I did put up a barrier spell but whatever magic was used was stronger than I anticipated," I say and I'm still kind of in shock. How in Sappho's name did that happen? It doesn't make any sense at all. Those demons are not powerful enough to do something like that, especially with how weak they are magic-wise because of the ritual they've been preparing for. So it should have been completely impossible for them to teleport out like that, especially with how much energy it would have taken to create that smoke. It was showier than what you would expect from demons who are trying to conserve their mystical energy. I walk over to the spot where they teleported out and something doesn't feel right. The leftover energy of the spell doesn't feel like evil, demony magic. This is something different. This is something very unstable and dangerous. These demons have been around for thousands, maybe millions, of years. There magical signature would be completely different.

"Will, can you track them?" Buffy asks and she sounds so desperate for an answer. It's a little strange to see her this way. She's usually so calm in a crisis and she knows exactly what she needs to do, and if she doesn't than she looks for help. Right now she's looking for help but she's not calm at all. She looks like she's about to lose it. I can't blame her and it's completely understandable but still a little unnerving. Kind of like seeing your mom cry. "Can you tell where they took him or do another locator spell?" I don't mind that Buffy turns to me for this kind of help and I'm more than willing to do anything she needs to protect herself or her family, but sometimes she can put a little too much pressure on someone else's shoulders without meaning to, and I've never been good and working under pressure.

"We can go back to the house and try the locator spell again," I tell her and she looks a little relieved. Buffy likes to have a plan, without one she feels lost. Should I let her keep that little bit of reassurance or should I tell her what I really think happened? I should probably tell them. It's important not only for now but it could also change things in the future. I'm her best friend. It's my job to let her know if things in her world are going to change. It would be wrong and kind of selfish to keep things from her just because she might get mad at me for it, even though it's totally, completely not my fault. Ok, here goes nothing. "But, Buff, I don't think the demons took him anywhere." She looks confused and a little lost. I can see it in her eyes and again with the unnerving. Faith looks downright pissed and she's stomping towards me like she's about to pick me up and throw me through a building.

"What the fuck have you been smoking, Red?" she screams and the girls back away. The fact that other slayers aren't willing to be around her when she's like this makes it even more intimidating. I mean, I could just levitate out of her reach or teleport out of here or turn her into a harmless little squirrel but she's still really scary. "We were all here. Those fuckin demons took our boy. They teleported out of here and now he's God knows where having fuck knows what done to him. Now find my boy Red or I fuckin swear someone's gonna pay." Anger is nothing but fear turned outwards so the meaner, scarier, and tougher she tries to act the more she's trying to cover up how afraid she is. At her core she's just a scared little girl. A scared little girl with a really big knife. Where was she hiding that?

"Let's not do anything rash, ok? I really don't think those demons could have done this. They're not strong enough to cast a spell that complex, not when they're getting so close to performing the ritual," I say and that seems to calm her down…just a little. I really wish she would put the knife away. Both Buffy and Lily walk over and it's a little bit of a relief to me. They'll stop Faith from doing something she'll regret later. I'm not so great at talking her down. My Faith-skills have never been as good as everyone else's. I would try to figure out why but we're in the middle of a crisis here. I don't really have time to figure out why my best friend's wife doesn't really like me all that much. Speaking of best friend, she puts her hand on Faith's arm and it snaps Faith out of it. She puts the knife away and wraps her arm around Buffy's back.

"Will, what are you getting at? If they didn't teleport out of here, then who did?" she asks and I can tell she's in total denial. I would be too. I was for a little while after Ashlyn was born. I refused to believe that my little baby was capable of using such powerful magic, but it's true. Every time she throws a temper tantrum something magical happens. Like when she wanted some ice cream but we told her no because it was almost time for dinner and she started screaming and crying and suddenly the house was filled with giant birds. Why her magic is morphed into such weird and random things, I'll probably never know. But right now isn't the time to be thinking about my own problems. Right now Buffy needs my help and I need to give her the answers. Otherwise, what kind of friend would I be?

"I'm saying that I think Joseph is the one who used magic to get them out of here," I say and they look like I just told them the cure for cancer is an ounce and a half of crack. "Think about it for a second, guys. You saw the way he was acting when the demons had a hold of him. He was totally calm and fine until you started getting closer and the demon pulled out a knife. They didn't teleport out of here until Buffy was about to be gutted by the ring leader. Why would they wait so long to teleport out of here with him if they could have done it sooner and saved them all of the trouble of dealing with all these slayers? I think Joseph teleported out of here when he saw that Buffy was about to be hurt. What child wouldn't do the same to save their parents?" They still look confused but at least they're not as upset as before.

"Red, how is that even fuckin possible? Joey doesn't have any magical powers. He's not even a slayer. He's just a normal little kid," Faith says and she sounds so lost right now. I wish I knew exactly what was going on. All I have right now is a hypothesis that can't be tested because Joseph isn't here. If he were here I would be able to run some tests and see if I'm right. I probably should have kept my mouth shut. We already have enough we have to deal with without them freaking out because I think I gave their son these magical powers, as Faith put it. And before you even start thinking like that: no I've never had an affair with Buffy. She's my best friend, just the thought of doing that with her makes my skin crawl a little bit. It's a lot more complicated than a basic soap opera storyline.

"I don't think he's as normal as you guys were hoping," I say and Lily lets out a big sigh. She walks over and gathers the other slayers. I don't know what she's saying to them because I don't have slayer hearing or the time to eavesdrop via telepathy but it can't be good since the girls look really upset now. "I think that maybe he was born with a predisposition to magic. Remember how he was conceived?" I'd really rather not think about it, best friend and her wife and all, but we need to remember that really awkward encounter in the woods at the slayer school if we're going to get to the bottom of this. I clear my throat and try to be as grown up about this as possible. It's always been really hard for me to talk about sex, even with my sexual partners. Not that there have been very many of them. But it's still hard for me and I hope I don't start blushing or stammering. We really don't have time for that right now.

"You two were worried about me so you snuck up on me in the woods when I was doing that transmutation spell," I say and I can tell they're both trying to think back. How could they not remember right away? Sure it was a little over seven years ago, but you would think this would be one of the things that sticks out in their minds. It's not every day something that this happens, especially to them. "And Faith was wearing…an adult recreational toy, and it was accidentally transformed into a real, you know, and then Joseph was conceived." They glance at each other and Faith has a little smirk on her face and Buffy is blushing. "I think maybe some of my magical properties were passed along to him." Buffy's eyebrows furrow and she shakes her head a little bit like she always does when she's confused.

"So, what you're trying to say is that Joseph has three biological parents?" she asks and if the situation wasn't so dire I would probably laugh. I glance over at Faith and she looks really concerned about that too. Wow, ok maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. This is starting to turn into a huge waste of time. We need to find where Joseph went. Even if he's the one that teleported them he's still alone with demons who want to take over the world and that's never a good thing in my book. Although, I think it's safe to say that's never a good thing in anyone's book. Well, maybe in the book of the demons who want to take over the world it's a plus, but to any non-evil entity this is something that goes in the bad column.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that because really strong, unstable magic was used to create him, the magical properties of Faith's temporary…um…appendage was passed on genetically to him," I say and they're starting to understand. I really wish Sky was here. She's a lot better as translating confusing magic talk to people who aren't in the know as much as we are. Then again sometimes even my explanations are a little too much for Sky to handle. "I don't know why it's just surfacing now. Maybe it's because of all the stress of what he's been through tonight but whatever triggered it, Joseph just used some serious mojo and not in a really good way. It's unstable and directly linked to his emotion control. Name one seven year old that has emotional control." Now they're less worried about the paternity of their child and more focused on the 'oh crap' of the situation.

"Ok. We need to get back to yours and get more of the powder from the local spell. We need to find him and now," Buffy says and she's slipping back into General Buffy mode. As annoying as she can be sometimes when she's like this it's also kind of comforting. Kind of reminds me of the days when we were living in Sunnydale and things between all of us were good and we weren't spread out all over the country and had families and not a whole lot of time to visit each other. I'm totally happy with my life now, don't get me wrong, but would it really kill us to take some time away from our busy lives and take a shopping trip to the mall or go out to lunch and have a couple of drinks and some yummy food? I don't think so. Unless the food isn't properly cooked, otherwise it could actually kill us.

"Alright, Red, you teleport back to your place and get the spell going. Me and B will meet you there," Faith says and grabs onto Buffy wrist and they take off without another word. She can be so darn bossy sometimes but under these circumstances it's understandable so I won't say anything. Faith's bossiness when it comes to Buffy has been something that's bothered me since the beginning of their relationship. I mentioned it to Buffy a couple of times but she didn't want to hear anything about it. It hasn't escalated into anything else so I guess I was wrong about Faith. But I don't need to be thinking about that right now. Right now I need to be teleporting back to my house to do the spell again so we can find their runaway son. I wonder what we would be doing right now if we were normal and hadn't been fighting demons since we were sixteen. Oh well, I guess we'll never know.

JPOV

I never had any powers before. I never told my moms because Matt and Addy are slayers and I wanted to be a slayer too. They get to do lots of things I don't get to do 'cause they're bigger, and if Mom and Mama know I'm not a slayer they won't let me train anymore. Only slayers get to train and if I'm not a slayer than I won't get to train with them. But now I have powers. They're not slayer powers, they're magic powers. I don't know how I got 'em but when that demon was about to stab my mom I wanted the demons to be gone really bad and all of a sudden we were falling and we landed here. I don't know where here is, but I think it's a warehouse or something. I've never been to a real warehouse but I've seen them on T.V.

"Tiny Human, what is the name of this card, again?" Dave asks so I lean over to see the one he's pointing at. The demons are really nice. They don't like their leader and don't want him to be the new box of their clan. The plan was to hide out at the school until it was too late, but then Lily and the other slayers showed up and everything got really crazy. But we can hide out here. They said this is even better because now they don't have to lie about why they couldn't make it to the portal on time with me. They have to leave before midnight or the magic won't work right so they're gonna take me back to my house and then run to the place they picked out. I hope they don't get in too much trouble.

"That's a Jack," I tell him and look down at my own cards. Darn, no Jacks. Maybe I could turn one of mine into a Jack. They taught me how to use my powers a little. I can't do a lot of stuff but I can make things appear. Like these cards, and the table and chairs, and the chips, and the sodas. I tried teleporting again but it didn't work. Meret says it's gonna take a long time before I can control that. He said the only reason it worked the first time is because I was so afraid my mom was going to die. He said he didn't want to hurt her but she was going to kill him and he didn't wanna die. I'm not mad at him anymore for that. My mom can be really scary sometimes.

"He already explained what the cards are, Dave," Enlil says and I roll my eyes. These two fight like Matt and Addy. It's making me a little crazy just like it does with my brother and sister. "If you can't remember what they are you shouldn't play." Enlil always sounds really mean when he talks to Dave, but he's always nice to me. Maybe he has a soul. Mom says some demons are really nice. She told me about this demon named Clem she was friends with at her old home. And she knows vampires that have souls, and vampires are supposed to be really bad. But having a soul doesn't make you a good person. My friend, Nathan, his daddy has a soul and he hits Nathan all the time. He won't let me tell anyone, and maybe now I can use my powers to punish his dad.

"I can still play, Enlil. These human symbols are confusing but I will understand them in no time," Dave says and I smile a little bit and try to hide it. He talks funny, funnier than the other two. And Dave doesn't get mad like Enlil does. When he argues his voice doesn't sound mean. Meret doesn't talk much at all, but he's really smart. He's the one who was helping me with my powers. I wish he didn't have to go back to that other dimension. Maybe I can talk to Mom and ask her to let him stay with us. Then he could teach me how to use magic and I could make Nathan's dad be nice to him. He has bruises on him all the time and that's not right. Daddies and mommies aren't supposed to hit their kids like that. At least that's what Mom and Mama say whenever they hear bad stuff on the news about a little kid being hurt.

"Right, like it didn't take you almost seven moon rises to learn the battle strategies even after I wrote them down for you," Enlil says and Dave blushes. Well, I think he's blushing. His face is turning a darker purple. This is weird. I can feel Dave getting really mad. I don't know how I can but I know that's what I feel. It feels like someone is pushing really hard on my chest and the darker purple he gets the harder it's pushing and I know something bad is gonna happen. I don't know what to do. I'm not a slayer and I can't control my powers and Dave might hurt me if he's mad. Should I get up and run away before something bad happens? Mama says it's ok to run away if there's too many demons or vampires or if the other guy is a lot stronger than you. Well these demons are way stronger than me even if they are weaker 'cause of the ritual or whatever it is they said earlier about that.

"Silence, both of you," Meret says and he doesn't sound mad but he sounds serious. Like my mom sounds when Nick and Alex come over and they get really crazy. I miss having them around all the time. They don't come over that much anymore 'cause they have to go to California to see their daddy. Mom says they can't come over all the time anymore' cause Aunt Dawn wants to spend time with them when they're home 'cause she doesn't get to see them all the time anymore like before. I get it but I still miss them. Matt's always talking to Brooke or too busy to play with me and Addy's…Addy and sometimes that really not fun. "Dave, just play your turn so we can continue." Dave doesn't look so mad now and I don't feel weird anymore so I guess everything is ok.

"Ok, there is no need to be snippy," he says and looks down at his cards. I look over at Meret but he doesn't look mad. I guess he doesn't let things get to him like the others. That's good. He's the leader of the worriers or something like that and good leaders shouldn't get mad all the time. Like Mama has a hard time being in charge of things because she's too emotional but doesn't know it. At least that's what Mommy said to Aunt Willow when she thought I couldn't hear her. Nobody ever thinks I can hear them so I know a lot of stuff I shouldn't. "Meret, do you have any threes?" I look down at my cards. Yes! I have a three. Now, I know what to do next time it's my turn if Meret says no.

"Go fish," he says and Dave picks another card from the pile. We've been playing for a really long time now. They keep forgetting the rules or what the cards are called so we have to keep stopping. And Enlil and Dave keep fighting and they spend a lot of time doing that. Maybe it just feels like a long time but it's really not. Mama says when Matt and Addy fight in the car it makes a twenty minute trip feel like hours. She told that to me, I didn't have to pretend I couldn't hear her saying it to someone else. She says stuff like that to me and it's funny. Sometimes she's just joking around 'cause she smiles and winks, but I think that time she wasn't being funny because they do make little car rides feel like forever.

"A three?" Enlil asks and he sounds just like Addy when she thinks I did something stupid. I hate it when people sound like that. It makes me feel really dumb. "Why did you ask the name of the Jack if you were going to ask for a three?" I really don't want to be here anymore. We can't even get through a game of Go Fish because these two won't stop fighting. I want to go home. I want to be in my bed again with Sasha sleeping at the bottom even though she's not supposed to be on the beds. Mom says she doesn't like it but I know she doesn't really care 'cause she lets the dogs on her bed all the time. She does stuff like that a lot. It can get kind of annoying. Just because she's a grownup it doesn't mean she gets to break all of the rules. One time I saw her eating chocolate before breakfast. If I did that she would send me to my room for the rest of the day.

"I was not sure which card I was going to ask for," Dave says and now he sounds like he's starting to get mad. I guess Enlil is starting to get to him. I'm surprised it took him this long to get mad. Every time he does something or says something Enlil will say something mean about it. I don't know why they're in the same group if they don't get along at all. If that Ammut guy was a good leader than he would split them up because if they fight this much about stupid things than they can't work good together in battles and stuff. I hear Meret let out a big sigh and I look over. He looks like he's getting mad again. I hope he doesn't get too mad. Mama says that demons are like wild animals; one minute everything is fine and a second later you're getting your face chewed off.

"If you two do not stop squabbling I will cut your heads off and not replace them until we return home," he says and he sounds really mad now. He's gonna cut their heads off? These demons are crazy. I look over at Enlil and Dave but they don't look too worried. Maybe their heads can grow back? I know some demons can grow stuff back. I can read better now and Mom didn't put the demon books up high enough so I can reach a couple. I can't read all the words but I know it says some demons can grow stuff back. Sometimes it just happens and sometimes the other demons have to do a ritual or it won't work. I wonder what happens with their body parts. Do they just grow back or will they lose the part forever if there's no ritual? Maybe when Meret's not mad anymore I'll ask him.

"Alright, alright," Enlil says and this time he does sound a little sorry. At least I think he does. Addy sounds like that too but sometimes she fakes it so Mama won't be mad at her anymore. Mama gets mad at Addy a lot even more than Matt and me, even when she doesn't really do anything bad. "There's no need to be nasty about it." He grabs a big handful of chips and shoves them in his mouth. When he chews, pieces fall out the corners of his mouth and land in his lap. That looks really gross. Now I know why Mom always says we need to eat with our mouths closed. "Tiny Human, it is your turn." Why do they keep calling me that?

"You can just call me Joey," I say and he gets a weird look on his face. The other two have the same weird look. Ok, what did I do? They look a little…I don't know, scared, I guess. But what are they scared about? "You don't have to keep calling me Tiny Human." Dave and Enlil look even more afraid now. They look over at Meret like they don't know what to do so they're asking him what to do even though they're not saying anything. I do that with Matt when he lets me hang out with his friends. Sometimes they ask me questions I don't understand 'cause they think it's funny. Matt always tells 'em to knock it off. He's a good brother like that. I look over at Meret too and he doesn't look mad so I guess I'm not in trouble.

"In our dimension that word is a horrible name to call someone and doing so is punishable by cutting the offender's tongue out," he says and takes a sip of his orange soda. Why would Joey be a bad word? Was there a leader named Joey and he was horrible and so now they're not allowed to say his name? Or does it just mean something bad? I want to ask them about it but I don't want to make them mad. Maybe it's not something they like talking about and if I ask they won't want to play games with me anymore. Maybe if I make them mad, Meret won't come back and teach me how to use my powers.

"Really?" I ask and Meret nods his head. I don't know what to say, but whenever Matt hears something really bad like that he always says the same thing. I guess I can say that until I know if I should ask more or not. "That's harsh." They all nod their heads and take more sips from their sodas. They don't drink them fast 'cause it makes them throw up. Dave threw up in the corner after he drank a whole grape soda in three seconds so now they're drinking them slow. They keep going through the chips really fast, though. This is the tenth bag I've…what did Meret call it? Materialized, that's it. I've had to materialize ten bags of chips because they keep horking them down.

"I know," Dave says and nods his head again. "It takes nine moon rises for a tongue to grow back." Ok, so I guess their parts just grow and they don't need rituals. They tried explaining to me how long a moon rise is and why they use that instead of a regular calendar but I don't get it. So I just nod and furrow my eyebrows like I understand. Mama does that a lot when Aunt Willow starts talking about magic stuff that she doesn't understand. She says that if you look like you understand people won't treat you like you're stupid. "It is your turn still, Tiny Human." I guess I can live with them calling me that if they're not allowed to say my real name. I guess I'll just have to get used to it even though it's really annoying.

I pick up my cards again and go to ask something and then there's a loud crashing sound. Meret grabs me, and pulls me up, and the other two jump out of their chairs. Meret does the same and stands in front of me. He pulls out his knife, the other two pull out their weapons too. Dave has a big axe and Enlil has some little bottles. I guess they use potions and stuff too. Aunt Willow has little bottles like that she uses to put potions in. They're really tall, tall enough so that I can see through the gap between their legs. I see my moms run in and they're holding weapons. Lily and the other slayers are right behind them. I don't see anyone else but I can feel magic in the air so I think Aunt Willow is outside doing a spell. My moms stop moving and take a look around. Meret puts his knife away and the other two do the same. Mom doesn't look happy at all.

"Joseph Charles, what the hell is going on here?" she asks and puts her sword back in the sheath on her back. I want to run and hide. I want to stay behind Meret because he was gonna protect me if it was something bad coming in here. I don't move, I don't say anything, and I don't breathe. Maybe if I pretend I'm not here I'll teleport somewhere else. That happened last time when I was scared and right now I'm really scared. "We thought you were kidnapped by demons to be sacrificed in a ritual, and you're in here playing card games and having fun?" Oh yeah, I'm in trouble. "Is that soda? You know you're not allowed to have soda after six o'clock. You are in so much trouble when we get home, young man." Oh no, she called me 'young man'. I'm gonna be grounded for a week.

"It's not like that, Mom," I say and Meret moves. Why did he move? He wasn't supposed to move! He was supposed to let me hide behind him some more. I look up at him with a big pout on my face but I can tell he doesn't feel sorry for me. Great, I'm on my own now. I look at my mom again and what I see makes me even more scared. She has her hands on her hips and one of her feet is tapping on the ground. I'm not getting out of this alive. "They don't wanna use me in the ritual. They don't' like their leader and don't want him to take over their clan. So we're hiding out here until they have to leave and they were gonna take me home first." Her eyebrows get really weird and her eyes get really big. Her mouth falls open a little and I know she's about to blow.

"And you believed them?" she yells and the sound bounces off the walls. My ears feel like they're about to pop she screamed so loud. "They're demons, Joseph. Evil demons that want to take over the world. They were probably just being nice so they could take you without a fight." She can be so mean sometimes. She doesn't know it because when she gets mad she doesn't care what she says as long as she's right. At least that's what Mama said to Aunt Sky when they were talking after Mom and Mama got in a big fight.

"Not all demons are evil, Mom," I tell her and she looks even more mad now. She doesn't like it when we talk back but she's wrong. I can't just let her think she's right all the time. "Spike is a vampire and you let him in the house whenever he comes over." I think if my mom had magical powers like me, I would be on fire right now. She looks so mad and her eyes look really scary. I look over at Mama for help but she's not looking at me. I can tell she's trying not to smile. She always puts her hand over her mouth like that when she's trying not to smile when we're supposed to be in trouble.

"He's got a point, B," she says in a really quiet voice but I still heard it and it makes me feel better. At least she's not mad at me like Mom is. Well, she's mad and I'm gonna get yelled at when we get home, but she's not being crazy like Mom is right now. Mom looks over at her and if she had magical powers, Mama would be the one on fire right now. Mama doesn't look scared, though. It's not like she has to worry about being grounded like I do.

"No he doesn't," Mom says and she's trying to be quiet too but I can still hear her. I guess they don't know that their voices keep bouncing off the walls and everyone can hear what they're saying. "Don't encourage him." I think Mama's gonna have to sleep on the couch tonight. She has to do that when Mom's really mad at her for something. And she always gets really mad when Mama doesn't help her when we get in trouble. She says it 'undermines her authority', whatever that means.

"I do believe the boy did make a fine point, Birth Giver of the Tiny Human," Dave says and I have to bite my cheeks to stop myself from laughing. Are they not allowed to say her name too or is he doing that on purpose just to sound weird? I really want to ask but I'm in enough trouble right now without bringing that up. Mom looks over at him and she crosses her arms over her chest. Uh-oh, he's in trouble now.

"What was your name, again?" she asks and her voice doesn't sound as mean anymore. That's not good. Sometimes she gets so mad that she doesn't sound mad at all but you can tell 'cause her body doesn't look normal. It's like she's trying to keep all the anger inside so she doesn't do something bad but her body gets really tense. That's what she looks like right now.

"Dave," he tells her and he sounds a little nervous. I guess he knows he needs to be careful. Mom is the best slayer in the whole world and she could probably kill him with her pinky finger. She's tough like that.

"Ok, Dave, how would you like a stylish yet affordable boot shoved up your ass?" she asks and now she sounds mad. I look over at Dave and he looks pale. He's not as purple as he used to be. Now his face looks more like a lavender color. I look over at Meret, he's the leader, he has to protect the other two, right? He doesn't look worried. He looks a little scared. Great, even he's afraid of my mom. I don't blame them but I have to be afraid of her. They're demons, demons aren't afraid of anything, right? I guess they're afraid of the original slayer.

"I would very much not like that," he says and that was a good thing to say. A stupid demon would have said something like 'you'll never be strong enough to do that to me' or something else that's really stupid. They always say stupid things and then my mom kills them. At least that's what everyone is always saying. I wonder if she would be mad if she knew everyone was telling me stories like that.

"Then stay out of this. This is a family matter," she says and Dave takes a small step back. That was another good idea. She looks over at Lily and Lily puts her crossbow down. I don't know why they use those things. They shoot them once and then can't use 'em anymore. Is it really that helpful? "Lily, make sure these demons make it back to their portal and out of this dimension." She looks over at me and her eyes look really scary again. "Joseph, get in the car right now." I really hope Mama's gonna drive 'cause if Mom drives us home I don't think any of us are gonna make it there alive.

FPOV

If I'd known being a mom was gonna be like almost having a heart attack on a regular basis I probably would've re-thought that whole 'telling B to keep the kid and then wanting to have more' thing. At least that's how I feel right this fuckin second. Joey ran off and pulled that fuckin stunt and I felt like my whole damn world was going to end. You can't really tell how it's going to change your whole life and perspective while your baby is still in the womb. Once that little life is out in this world, you realize you'll give up your own life to save them. Seeing Joey standing there with those demons was like a knife to the heart. He's lucky I didn't kill him myself.

"Mom, Aunt Lily's not going to kill them, is she? She said she wouldn't, Mom. They're not bad demons. You have to make sure she doesn't kill them," Joey says from the back seat of the car. He's been completely freaking out about those fucking demons the whole damn ride. I wanted to kill 'em for putting that knife to my boy's throat. If Buffy hadn't held me back I would've ripped that fuckin demon limb from fucking limb. But Joey bonded with them. He probably got Stockholm syndrome or something. Isn't that what it's called when you're taken captive and you start liking your captor and sympathize with them? Whatever, the point is he doesn't want anything bad to happen to those fuck faces.

"She isn't going to hurt them, Joseph," B says. She should. She should just take them out back and shoot them like a damn dog. But Buffy thinks they're harmless. Since when is she the boss of the fuckin world? Right, since she became the slayer. And she was the boss of me the moment I laid eyes on her. She just didn't know it or know how to control me. But I'm getting off the fuckin topic. "Now just be quiet, ok? We're both really mad at you right now and I don't' want to hear it. I know you wanted to protect Addison but that's not your job. As soon as we get home you're grounded. You're not leaving the house for a very long time." Damn, she's fuckin pissed as hell. She's usually a softy when it comes to disciplining the kids but she's really laying down the law, and for some reason that makes me feel a little better.

"Ok, we're home now," she says as soon as I pull into the driveway. I really don't want to have to deal with him right now. I'm so fuckin glad she's stepping up and taking care of this. God fucking knows I can't right now. "Now you march up to your room right now and get to bed. Do you understand me?" We get out of the car without saying another word. Well, I'm not saying a fuckin word. Joey is pitching a fit because he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He was trying to protect his sister, which is a good thing but he's seven fuckin years old. He needs to trust us to handle that shit. I think that's what's bothering me most about all of this. He said he heard us fighting about what to do with the demons: kill them or destroy the box first, and he didn't think we would save Addy in time. Our boy has no confidence in us and that hurts.

I was into the house with those two following behind me bickering because none of our kids know when to quit. We're raising them to stand up for their beliefs and a part of that is them actually standing up for what they believe. But whatever. I can't deal with it right now so I'm not going to. Right now I'm going to have a beer and sit down on my couch and pet my dog. And no, that's not something dirty. I always used to hate little rat dogs but my little rat dog is fuckin awesome. So while Buffy tries to get Joey upstairs without too much of a fight I head into the kitchen. We better have beer or I might throw a fucking fit. I know that sounds childish but after the night I had I either need to have a beer and unwind or my emotions are gonna spill out all over the place like lava from a volcano.

"So how'd it go? Did you get those demons taken care of?" Oh fucking great. I forgot all about Spike being here. I really don't think I can handle this shit right now. Yeah, he said he's not going to start shit and he's made his peace with the fact that he'll never have Buffy, but since when does he ever mean most of the shit he says? He has a soul and he's changed a lot over the years but when it comes to B's exes I just don't trust 'em. Once you fall for Buffy you never really recover from it. I should fuckin know. The only difference between me and him is I'm lucky enough to have her love me back, and we've been able to stay together all these years. I'm sure if she picked someone else I'd be bitter and hateful about it every fuckin second of my miserable life.

"Sort of," I tell him and hear the door to Joey's room slam really hard. Sounds like maybe a picture might have fallen off the wall. That kid just doesn't know when to fuckin quit, does he? Guess I'm not the only one who needs a drink. With B having to deal with that I wouldn't be surprised if she gets shit faced tonight. "The demons that were after him were just minions and they don't even like their boss. They said if we just smash the box they'll have to spend another couple hundred years making another one and mankind will be safe for now." I open up the fridge and pull out a bottle. I twist the cap off with my bare hand, gotta love slayer strength, and take a really long pull.

"So why did the little man decide to imitate his Aunt Dawn?" he asks and I have no fuckin clue what he's talking about. I look over at him with my 'what the fuck are you talking about?' expression and he smiles a little. "Dawn was always sneaking out at night, almost every chance she got. Seems like Summers' blood carries some rebellious DNA. Maybe you should've thought about that before you decided to reproduce." I can't help but chuckle a little bit. He may be an asshole, but he's kinda right. I should've taken in the stubbornness, the self-righteousness, the need to always be right, and the attitude that they can do whatever they want before I decided to have kids with a Summers woman. Guess it's too late now.

"Don't I fuckin know it," I tell him with a little smile and lean against the counter. I can't relax with Spike around so I'm not even gonna try to sit on the couch and do it. I'll just get even more frustrated. Besides, the kitchen is nice this time of night. It's cool because of all the tile, it's got a boat load of food at almost all times, and I can eat whatever the fuck I want without the kids climbing up my ass because they want some too. Yep, night time is definitely a great time for a slayer sized snack. But I think I'll eat later. Don't really feel like digging through the fridge and cupboards right now. "Little guy scared the living shit outta me tonight. Why couldn't be just raise all of our kids to be dumb and helpless? What's so fuckin wrong with that?" He laughs a little 'cause he knows I'm joking. I'd hate for my kids to be like that, ever.

"Could've tried but I'm sure if you did the Lehane-Summers DNA combo would've come through eventually. Face it, pet, no matter what you tried your kids would still be bull headed and try to take things into their own hands. Look at Buffy. She was just another valley-girl airhead until she became a slayer. And I don't know much about your teenage life, but in the time I've known you I've seen someone who refuses to sit around and wait for someone else to take care of something if she can do it herself. Your kids were born that way." Fuck, he's totally fucking right. Our kids are genetic cluster fucks when it comes to being take charge and stubborn. I guess that's why God invented alcohol. If I didn't have this beer to nurse on I'd probably be going crazy right now. And before you call me an alcoholic, try having your kid sneak out of the house and get kidnapped and see how you fuckin handle it.

"Can this day just be over now?" B says when she walks into the kitchen. She looks exhausted. Everything that's happened only took place in the span of a couple hours but it looks like she's been up for a week. Kinda reminds me of the days back in Sunnydale when the First was trying to take the world over. She always looks so fuckin worn out back then. I always had the urge to take her in my arms and just let her rest for a little while but I think if I tried she woulda decked me. Things have definitely changed, though, 'cause now she's resting right up against me and taking my beer outta my hand without even asking. Back in the Sunnydale days that would've gotten someone smacked.

"It's over now, thank God," I say and wrap my arm around her back. She rests her head on my shoulder and I give the top of it a kiss. I take a moment to just breathe her in. The smell of her shampoo, the smell of her perfume, and the smell that's just uniquely Buffy, helps calm me down and damn did I really fuckin need this right now. "I just wanna sleep, for like a week. Damn kids always seem to make a bad situation even worse. You ever notice that?" She chuckles a little and I feel her nod her head. At least I think she's nodding. She might be shaking her head no but it's hard to tell when her head is against my shoulder like this. I take my beer back from her and take a really long pull. It's almost gone now. Fuckin brat drank most of it. I hate it when she does shit like that.

"Well, all of them are in bed now so it can just be the two of us for the rest of the night," she says and nuzzles my neck. I take in another deep breath and that Buffy smell totally calms me down and now I'm almost completely relaxed. I'm not gonna be completely relaxed until Spike is outta the house and I'm lounging on my couch. That sounds so fuckin amazing right now. It's like the best idea I've probably ever had in my fuckin life. Well, that and asking B to marry me. Those two things are duking it out for number one right now and I honestly don't know which one is going to win. "I think when we go to bed we should lock the door and sleep in tomorrow. The kids can just have cereal for breakfast." I think she has better idea's than me but don't tell her I said that or it'll go straight to her head.

"On that note, I'm going to head out," Spike says and I have to hold back the fuckin smirk. He's being big about this. He's not trying to be confrontational or passive aggressive. The woman he's probably still in love with is giving me affection and he doesn't wanna see it. I wouldn't wanna see that shit either. Seeing Buffy with Angel damn near killed me and I mean that very literally. Anyway, he grabs his jacket off the back of the chair and puts it on. I don't know how he can wear that in the fuckin desert but whatever. Guess that's one of the perks of being room temperature. "And the next time the world is in peril, make sure all the windows are locked." He can never just leave. He always has to say something.

"I think the next time the world is in peril we'll let the other slayers handle it," Buffy says and Spike just gives a little smirk and walks outta the room. I listen carefully for the sound of the door. I don't want him lingering around but I don't think he's going to do that. A couple of years ago I would've walked him to the door 'cause I just couldn't trust the guy. But now I don't have to worry. He's not going to steal anything or leave anything behind to try and pull at Buffy's heart strings or whatever. At least I don't think he would do something like that. "Finally he's gone. I thought he wasn't going to leave without making a big scene." Well at least I'm not the only one who's still weary of him. That makes me feel a little better about it.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I say and hold onto her hand. Without saying a word I slowly step away from her. She looks a little confused at first but then I lead her into the living room and sit down on the couch. I just want to relax and hold her while I do it. I really need to be close to her right now. Don't ask me why but after the night I've had I just need to be snuggled up to my wife. I think she's making me go soft. That's the only reason I can come up with and I'm sticking with it. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her close. She takes my beer away from me again and drinks the rest. Why the fuck didn't I think to grab a couple more before we came in here? I really don't wanna fuckin move right now. "You should go get a couple more." She sets the bottle on the coffee table and snuggles up really close.

"Drinking isn't exactly what I had in mind," she says with a little smirk on her face. I can't see it but I can hear it. I'm surprised she wants to fool around after tonight. You'd think she would just want to relax and fall asleep after all of the stress and worry. Joey was kidnapped by demons, well sort of. In a weird way he kidnapped the demons, but for a while we thought he was going to be taken to another dimension and used in a ritual. That doesn't exactly scream sexy fun times. But maybe that's why she's like this. The stress was too much and now she needs a release. Yeah, I think I'll go with that, especially since she just took her shirt off. Otherwise we'd have to stop and talk about why she's acting like this and seeing her so worked up is getting me worked up, especially since she just took her shirt off. She's being impatient tonight. I like it.

"What did you have in mind, babe?" I ask and she kisses me. Teases me, is more like it because as soon as I add some pressure with my lips she pulls away completely. What a brat. She stands up without saying a word and takes off her pants. Now she's in nothing but her bra and underwear. Did I mention I love it when she's a brat? She straddles me, that little smirk on her face the whole time and I instantly put my hands on her hips just in case she decides to be a major tease and walk into the kitchen to get another beer. We've been together for almost twenty years and I still think she's still the most beautiful woman on the planet. She leans down and kisses me and it's fuckin hot from the beginning. She kisses down my jaw line until she gets to my ear. She nibbles at the shell and my whole body clenches. Damn, that feels so fucking good.

"I want you to fuck me," she whispers and nibbles on the shell of my ear again. "I want you so deep inside me I can taste it." God damn, that is fucking hot. So now I have a decision to make. I can give her what she wants, fuck her hard and fast until she's biting her knuckle to stop herself from screaming. Or I can tease the living hell out of her until she's trembling so hard I have to hold her up. Decisions, decisions. I slowly run my hands up her sides, cup her breasts over the bra for just a second, and then run them back down to her hips. Her skin erupts in goose-bumps and she shivers. Her hips thrust forward and grind against me and she lets out a little moan. Wow, she must really be turned on if a simple touch gets that kind of reaction. This is going to be fun. You have no idea.

"Baby, don't tease me," she whispers right against my ear and bites the shell of it a little. Damn, she's not fucking around. I better stop teasing before she gets frustrated and pissed or this whole thing is gonna be over before it could really start. I slide my hands up her sides again but instead of just cupping her breasts, I unhook the bra strap and rip the cloth from her. I run the tip of my tongue over one of her nipples and blow a warm stream of air onto it and it hardens like you wouldn't fucking believe. I can feel her breathing quicken and puff out against the side of my face as she rests her head against mine. I guess she needs contact just as much as I do right now. I wrap my lips around her wanting nipple and tease it with my tongue. Another moan is drawn from the back of her throat and I can smell her arousal.

"B, get these off," I say and pull at the elastic of her underwear. She stands up and takes 'em off and is back on top of me in seconds. I have no clue how she fucking did that. I know she's always been faster than me but that was fucking crazy. I guess she needs it really bad. When she's back on me, I go back to teasing her nipples. First the left one like before, than the right, and I lightly run my short nails along the skin of her abdomen. I can feel the muscles quake under my touch and it feels fucking amazing. Her hips start grinding against my lap and she moans when the denim of my jeans meets her needy flesh. Needy flesh? Fuck, I have been with her for way too long if I'm talking like that without even realizing it.

"Faith, I need it," she moans and lifts herself up a little higher so my hand is closer to wear she needs it most. Damn, she really isn't fucking around tonight. I better give her what she wants before she freaks. I run my fingers through her wetness and find her throbbing clit. She lets out a little gasp that's sexy as hell as I run my fingers over it gently. I use my other hand to enter her with two fingers and start pumping right away. She doesn't wanna fuck around then I'm not going to. I hope she can handle this. "Oh God, yes." She starts moving her hips erratically, it's like she's too turned on to build up a real rhythm, and that thought drives me fucking wild. I add a third finger and curl them back just a little, and she makes a noise in the back of her throat that I can't fucking describe, but I think if someone were hearing this without knowing what was going on they would think I'm killing her, not fucking her speechless.

"Like that, baby?" I ask and her hips start pumping harder. She makes another sound I can't describe and I'm taking that as a sign to keep going. She kisses me, hard. I think she's mostly trying to be quiet but I don't fucking care. She bites on my lip for a second, and when she lets go our tongues start fucking. There's no other way to describe it. It's frantic, a little sloppy, and may sound a little gross but it's fucking hot as hell. I feel her pussy start to convulse around my fingers, nothing hard just a gentle grasping and she's getting close. I've been fucking this for almost twenty years, I know exactly what she feels like when she comes but it never ceases to amaze me. I'm fucking Buffy Summers and you know you wish you were me right now.

BPOV

"Babe, I think we should head upstairs now," I say and rest more snugly against her body. I really don't want to move. I'm completely sated and comfortable right where I am but at the same time I don't want one of the kids to come downstairs and see us like this. She starts to gently rub her hands up and down my back and I let out a long moan. Yeah, we definitely won't be moving from this spot any time soon. Whenever she gets cuddly and sweet like this I don't want to move just in case she doesn't act like this again. Normally, I'm the one holding her and rubbing her back while she calms down. She always gets so vulnerable and she hates feeling vulnerable but she has gotten better about it over the years. At least she doesn't cry anymore. That's definitely an improvement.

"Moving is definitely of the bad right now," she says and kisses my neck. She's being so affectionate tonight and if she's not careful she's going to spoil me. "Maybe you can carry me upstairs if you really wanna go up there." I can't help but chuckle a little bit and she starts kissing my neck again. I think she's right, moving would be really, really bad right now. She pulls back from my neck and looks into my eyes. She looks so relaxed and happy right now. Her eyes have this little glimmer to them and it reminds of all of the others times they looked like that when she was up to no good. Just that look alone is making my heart beat a little faster. Is it crazy that we've been together for almost twenty years and she still makes me feel like a love sick teenager?

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" I ask and run my fingers through her hair. I grip it just hard enough to pull her head back and gently hold her against the couch. I hold her head there with one hand and very softly run my fingers over her face with the other. I run my fingertips across her perfectly plucked eyebrow that I love so much. I say I hate it when she raises it when she's being a sarcastic ass but I secretly love it. I run my fingers across her cheek and jaw line. Then I run my thumb along her bottom lip and look into her eyes with a little smirk on my face. "You would love it if I treated you like a princess." She bites down on my thumb, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to hurt kind of bad. She's being dominating. She just has to be on top even when she's on the bottom.

"Well, I did just rock your world. I think I earned a little bit of princess treatment," she says with a big smirk on her face. She can be such a brat sometimes but it's adorable. Just don't tell her I said that or I'll never hear the end of it. I think back to what we just did, to how amazing she made me feel and I can't help but smile. She bites down on my thumb again but this time she runs her tongue slowly across the digit. I know what she's doing. She's baiting me. She's trying to get a reaction out of me. I know this because of that little mischievous look in her eyes. If she's trying to turn me on again…it's totally working. I don't know why my libido is so high tonight but I honestly don't really care. It's been a while since Faith and I have had time to be like this together and it feels amazing. Not just the sex, but the joking and laughing feel great.

"You did rock my world. I wonder how I should thank you for that," I say and lean forward a little. I press my chest up against her chest and lightly kiss her ear. Her ears are one of her spots. All I really have to do on some days is kiss her ears and softly rub along her thighs and she gets so turned on and dripping wet. I slip my hand between her legs. She's still wearing most of her clothes and how the hell did that happen? I'm wearing absolutely nothing and all she's taken off is her shirt. I spread my legs a little more, giving her room to spread hers and she does. I rub very slowly along her thighs without touching where she's going to need me most. That touching will come later. Right now it's all about teasing her until she begs me to take her.

"I have an idea," she says with that devilish half smile on her face. She grabs onto my hips and lightly squeezes. A chill runs down my back and my whole body erupts with goose-bumps and I shiver. Partly because I'm completely naked and the room is kind of cold but mostly it's because of the look in Faith's eyes. She looks like she could eat me alive right now and I really want to let her. But this isn't about me right now. This is about paying her back for the monster orgasm she gave me. She kisses me soft and sweet and for a second I forget where we are. All I can feel and smell is her and I feel like we're young again, back in our first apartment when this was new and nothing could get in our way.

She pulls her head back quickly, ending the kiss and shocking me back to reality. She lifts me by my hips and pushes me onto the floor so I'm on my knees in front of her. I look into her eyes and she has that little evil smirk on her face, and that I eyebrow I love so much is raised. She's challenging me right now. Daring me to say something about what she just did. Hell, maybe even daring me to go through with it. We've never done this particular sex act in a communal space with the kids in the house before. The reason is we both tend to get a little loud when receiving oral, and I'm sure the last thing any of our kids needs is to wander downstairs and see me on my knees completely naked going down on their other mother, especially now that they're old enough to remember it later on in life.

"Think you can be quiet?" I ask, giving my own challenge. My only response is her unbuttoning her pants. I'll take that as a yes. I move her hands out of the way and unzip them for her. She lifts her ass off the couch and I pull the pants down, taking her underwear with me. I slide them down as far as I can until I have to stop to get her shoes off. Once I get all that taken care of, she spreads her legs. Holy shit, she is wet. I haven't seen her this excited in…maybe a couple of years. What has gotten her so worked up, I have no idea, but I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, whatever that saying means. I lean forward and use my thumbs to spread her lips open. The heat radiating off of her is so intense it's making me wet and I haven't even done anything to her yet.

"Damn, baby," I whisper and lean in. There's no need drawing this out so I might as well go straight for the kill, so to speak. I don't waste any time before I get my first taste of her. I gently, teasingly, run my tongue from her hole up her slit, and lightly flutter the tip of my tongue over her clit. She lets out a long moan and runs her fingers through my hair. She tightens her grip for just a second and then let's go. That's my baby, always trying to assert her dominance. I look up at her, my head tilted slightly so I'm sort of looking up at her through my eyelashes. That always drives her a little crazy. The smirk on my face probably isn't doing anything but making it worse, which is what I want. I got a little dominating back there, now it's her turn.

She doesn't disappoint. She grabs me by my hair and presses my mouth against her pussy, slowly rotating her hips so she rubs her wetness over my lips and chin. I open my mouth, tasting her hot flesh again, and enter her with my tongue. I get it as far as I can go and she moans again, grinding against my face. I can feel her walls contracting around me as I move my head, thrusting in and out of her. She's trying to keep herself under control. I can tell by how tense her body is and the little strained noises she keeps making. I run my tongue flat against her until I get to her clit. It's throbbing so fucking much right now it's insane. I take the tip in my mouth and gently suck, lightly scraping my teeth over it. Her hips buck sharply and when I glance up at her she's biting her knuckle. She isn't going to make it without making too much noise. I can tell that right now.

I enter her with two fingers and gently circle my thumb over her clit. She starts moving her hips, going along with the rhythm I'm setting, but she's trying to change it. Like I said, she always has to be in control. Maybe I should have tied her up. Too bad I couldn't convince her to go upstairs. Anyway, I sit up and pull her fist away from her face and kiss her. She moans into my mouth as she sucks on my tongue with the same amount of force I'm using with my fingers. Let's see if she can handle this. I pull back from the kiss and cover her mouth with my hand. She looks a little confused, her eyebrows are furrowed but all I do is smirk. Then I start thrusting my fingers hard. Like so hard if she wasn't a slayer I would really be hurting her right now. She lets out a high pitched whining sound and her back arches off the couch.

I press down on her clit with my thumb and her pussy clamps down on my fingers so tightly I feel like they're about to break. Then her whole body starts trembling, and she's making all kinds of noises that are muffled by my hand, and she's clawing at my back so strongly I think she's going to draw blood. It feels like this goes on forever as I look into her eyes as she comes so freaking hard. I can tell she can't recognize anything anymore and she's just looking through me at the moment, and it's amazing to see her like this. I've always thought so and now is no different. But then she starts to calm down. The noise stops, her body relaxes, and her nails aren't digging into my skin anymore. With a large exhale out of her nose, she practically melts against the couch. I move my hand and start playing tiny, lazy kisses all over her face.

"Damn, B. We haven't gone at it like that in a long time," she says and giggles. The smile on get on my face is gigantic. They don't happen very often but Faith-giggles are possibly the most adorable sound on the planet. She looks up at me, her brown eyes darker than normal, her face is red and sweaty but she's the most beautiful person on the planet. If she knew how much she completely owned me with just one look like that I would be in real trouble. She kisses me, a soft, slow kiss that makes my heart skip a beat. She gently rubs my back, running her fingers over the scratch marks and lightly massaging them. That's her silent apology for putting them there but they'll be gone by morning so I'm not worried about it. I pull back from the kiss and I can tell by the look on her face she isn't with me right now. She's lost in thought and I'm trying not to take it personally.

"What are you thinking about, sweetheart?" I ask and place a gentle kiss on her neck. She looks into my eyes with a small smile on her face but she doesn't say anything. I hate it when she does that. I get the fact that just because we're married we don't have to share everything with each other but I hate feeling left out. "Come on, what is it?" She kisses me again and I know she's just trying to distract me. She can be such a brat sometimes. But right now I don't really care because she's kissing me, and holding me close, and I'm so in love with this woman I could burst. After what feels like hours of just kissing, we pull back and she still has that little smirk on her face. "Oh come on, what is it?" She laughs a little because she knows it's driving me crazy. And she knows that I know that she knows.

"I was just thinking about the night we met," she says and gives me a sweet kiss on the lips. She gently moves me so instead of sitting on her lap I'm sitting next to her, snuggled up into her side. I love cuddling with her after sex. It's almost better than the sex itself. Almost, but not quite. I wonder what she could be thinking. By the smirk on her face I'm going to assume it isn't anything bad. Normally, whenever she thinks about those early days in Sunnydale it's nothing good, and she ends up in a horrible mood for days until she finally snaps out of it. But this doesn't seem like a bad thing so I'm not going to worry…for now. "I saw you when you were hanging out with the Scoobs in the Bronze. As soon as I fuckin saw you I knew this was gonna happen." She kisses the side of my head and gently rubs my back some more. I get a little smile on my face and snuggle closer to her.

"You knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together?" I ask and bite my cheeks. This is Faith we're talking about. There's no way that was her first thought. It would be nice if she had thought something like that but I'm not going to hold my breath. It's not like I was staying up late at night writing our names out in notebooks to see what would sound better: Mrs. Buffy Summers-Lane or just Mrs. Buffy Lehane. No, I was in denial for so long sometimes it's amazing we got together in the first place. I can be stubborn and blind to the people around me, we all know this. I'm just so freaking happy that everything worked out the way it did.

"No, I knew we'd bang so hard I'd almost break my back," she says with a little laugh. What an asshole. Way to ruin the moment. I grab one of the throw pillows on the couch and smack her on the face with it. She starts laughing harder and before I can respond, she pins me down to the couch. How the hell did she do that? I know we've come a long way as slayers, growing into our powers and mastering them, but that was just freaky how fast she moved. But she has a huge smile on her face and an expression that says she's up to no good, so I'm not going to think too much about it. "You trying to start something, B?" She wiggles those eyebrows and my heart flutters a little. How is it with one look she can make me feel like a blushing school girl? I guess I'm just lucky. I mean, how many people actually end up with the love of their life?


	93. Schmalentine's Day

****_Happy New Year everybody!_

* * *

**One Month Later**. BPOV

I love the mornings when I wake up before the alarm goes off. I used to love sleeping in and when I was a teenager, on the weekends I was never out of bed before ten if I could help it. But I'm not a teenager anymore, and this time of the morning is a time I cherish. It's the precious minutes when I'm still just Buffy. I'm not Mom or Mommy and no one is asking me to do something for them or complaining about something their sibling did or whining that they're hungry even though they can see I'm cooking breakfast. Nope, right now I'm just Buffy snuggled up against my wife Faith and watching the adorable expression on her face while she sleeps.

If I had to guess I'd say she's having a dream where she's up to no good. I wonder if she's getting up to no good with me. Maybe I shouldn't start thinking about it or I'll just upset myself at the thought of who else she could be getting up to no good with. Anyway, even though she looks like the dictionary definition of adorable and it's making me smile from the inside out, I really want to wake her up so we can share this time together. But I'm going to let her sleep in this morning. Today isn't just another day, after all. Today is Valentine's Day, and normally on Valentine's Day Faith wakes up early and makes me breakfast in bed, but this year I want to do something different. I want to do something different because we're in a Valentine's Day rut.

The last couple of years we've done the exact same thing. She makes me breakfast in bed and we share it, usually with the kids, we go out to dinner, exchange gifts, come home around eleven, then I wear some sexy new lingerie, and go down on her until she comes four or five times. Then we make love with the strapless toy. Any other Valentine's Day and what I just described would be perfect, but this year I want to do something special. You may be asking why. I want to do something special because this is our twentieth Valentine's Day together. Yep, this year Faith and I will have been together for twenty years. Sure, we've only been married for the last eight, but you have to look at the big picture, and the big picture is we've been together for two decades.

So you can see that this year is special. So I want the holidays to be a little more special than they normally are. I don't know exactly how to do that since we've always made sure to go out of our way to make things great, but I want to at least try. So this year instead of doing the same routine for Valentine's Day, I want to surprise Faith. Surprising her isn't easy because she's one of the smartest people I know, and she's really good at guessing. She ruins Christmas for herself almost every year because all she has to do is pick up a present and she knows what it is. I have no idea how she does it, she's just amazing at guessing. But I really hope today I'll be able to keep her on her toes. And why am I worrying about all of this when I should be focused on how exactly I'm going to wake this beautiful woman up?

"Faith," I say and run my hand along the smooth skin of her stomach. I know I said I was going to let her sleep in but I changed my mind. I really want to do something else with her that requires her participation. She lets out a little groan and tries to roll away from me but I have a pretty firm grip on her body. "Faith, baby, it's time to get up." I start placing soft kisses along her neck and this time when she groans she doesn't try to move away from me. Nope, this time her legs spread just a little more and I can't help but smirk. I'd really love to be down there right now pleasuring her, but she hates it when I do that when she's still asleep. You'd think it would be an amazing way to wake up but she doesn't like the thought of me doing that while she's still dreaming and accidentally saying the wrong name. That's happened before and it didn't end well at all.

"Faith, it's Valentine's Day. I have something special I wanna give you," I whisper right against her ear. I know this was meant to wake her up and turn her on at the same time, but I'm getting really worked up just doing this. And I'm not talking about a little worked up, no. I mean my nipples are rock hard, and my clit feels like it's going to burst soon from the pressure if I don't get some release. I want this to be about her so I need to focus. I think living with Faith all of these years has rubbed off on me and not in a good way. Anyway, I run my hand a little further up her shirt, lightly groping her breasts. I kiss her neck more, softly nibbling on the skin, and I grind against her. Damn, she needs to wake up soon because I can't stand this. "Faith, sweetie, wake up."

"B, the boat's rockin hard," she mumbles and I can't help but smile. See what I mean about her talking during a dream? It's adorable but I really need her to wake up so I can give her some special attention. I'm not saying that oral sex is reserved for a special occasion. No, we don't have a stereotypical marriage where giving head goes out the window the moment you say 'I do'. But since we've had kids, morning sex has almost all but disappeared and I really want to give her a really good morning. I whisper softly in her ear, telling her the boat is fine, and it's time to wake up. I pull back and look at her face and I can just tell that she isn't really asleep. What a freaking faker. "We can't let the captain find us or we'll have to walk the plank." I stifle a giggle and move some loose strands of hair out of her face.

"Why can't we let the captain find us?" I whisper and the smirk she gets on her face is so naughty if I wasn't turned on before I would be right now. I think it's a little insane that after twenty years of being together we're still so attracted to each other. Maybe because deep down I never really thought we would last this long. We've had a few rough patches in our relationship and almost every time I thought that was it. I thought I was going to end up like my mother: a single, lonely mom. But we're still together and we love each other and she still gets me really hot under the collar. But I shouldn't be thinking about any of that right now. Right now I should be focused on whatever little fantasy she has running around that beautifully filthy brain of hers.

"Because you're the captain's wife and he'd kill us if he found out you had a lover on the side," she says with a big smirk on her face. Hmm, I've never heard this particular fantasy before so it's either new or she was saving it. Is it strange that most of our role playing fantasies revolve around adultery? I'm always married to someone rich or powerful or both and she's my secret lover. I think I'm going to not analyze it at all or I might find something out about myself that I don't really want to know. I lean down and place a soft kiss on her lips and she doesn't hesitate when she kisses me back. Sometimes she does because she likes to tease.

"Well, then I guess we have to be very, very quiet," I whisper against her lips and kiss her again. I know I've said it a million times before, but it needs to be said again. I love kissing Faith. It's probably one of my favorite things to do. Yeah, we have morning breath and her mouth is kinda dry so her tongue is a little sticky and truth be told it feels kinda gross, but it never fails to get my heart rate up. She kisses me and the whole world just fades away. When I was with Angel and Riley, I thought I knew what love was but I was so wrong. Being held tightly and kissed like I'm the most important person in the world, this is love. I know I sound like some cheesy Valentine's Day card, but 'tis the season and all of that.

"Come here, wench," she says and pulls me on top of her before I have a chance to react. I start laughing but try to keep it quiet. She helps me by covering my lips with her own. I feel her hands work their way under my shirt and she caresses the skin of my back. It makes me moan into her and I smile into the kiss when I feel her pulling my shirt up. She isn't wasting any time. I guess I did turn her on when I was "waking her up". I still can't believe she did that. What a brat. "Damn, you feel so good, B." She cups my breasts and teases my already rock hard nipples. She knows exactly where and when to touch me. That's another perk from being together so long. It makes having a quickie so much easier.

"Baby, get your shorts off," I say and try to get her bed shorts off of her but she's being a tease again. She isn't lifting herself off the bed a little so I can slide the cotton blend off her body. No, instead she's moving her hips this way and that to try and get my hands off her. And she has a smirk on her face the entire time. What a freakin brat. Instead of getting irritated, I decide to play along. God knows why she's acting like this, but if she wants to be coy then I can work with that. Another perk of living with someone for so long: you learn exactly how to manipulate them to do exactly what you want. So I put my lips right against the shell of her ear and whisper, "We have to be quick, lover, or the captain might find us." I nibble on her earlobe and she lets out a long moan. Her ears have always been sensitive.

"What's life without a little danger?" she asks and maybe I was wrong. I thought acting all sexy and whispering to her like that would do the trick, it has before in the past, but she's being difficult. Alright, I guess it's time to stop fucking around. I gently nibble on her neck, down the side of it and to the hollow of her throat. I open my mouth wide and put my teeth over her very tender neck and bite down. Not very hard, not hard enough to draw blood or make it difficult to breathe, but she knows what I mean. "I guess there's enough danger right here." Wise move, Faith, very wise move. This time when I try to pull off her bed shorts she doesn't hesitate before she lifts her ass off the mattress and I very quickly slide them down her legs. Now nothing can stop me from giving her an amazing Valentine's Day morning.

"Mom, Brother ate all the cereal and we're gonna be late for school!" Addison yells and starts knocking on the door. "Could you make pancakes?" Holy mother of God! Why won't the universe, just for once, let us have morning sex without the kids interrupting in some way? I let out a loud, irritated groan and rest all of my weight against Faith. I bury my face in her neck and she wraps her arms around my back and gently rubs my tense muscles. I know she's trying to be sweet and help me calm down but it's actually kind of annoying. I'm not annoyed with her, but the rubbing is doing nothing but putting me more on edge. I'm so turned on I'm about to explode, and not in a good way, and the touching isn't helping. This is supposed to be our morning, dammit! I guess that's what happens when you have kids.

"Why are you so mad? You're the one who wanted kids," she says and I know she's just kidding but at this moment it's not really all that funny. But I can't get too upset about it. I mean, we brought them into the world, to be irritated when they interrupt our moments would just be stupid. They don't know what we're doing behind that door, thank God, so why wouldn't they knock and ask for food? And I think I'm going to teach the kids how to cook. I mean, I know they won't be able to make anything elaborate, but they're old enough to make their own breakfast. Teaching them some basics would definitely help, especially since Faith likes to get out of the house as fast as she can in the morning and leave me to get the kids ready for school by myself. Trust me, that is not an easy thing to do.

"No, that was you. If I remember correctly, I wanted a Chia Pet," I say and she lets out a little laugh. I place a few more kisses on her neck, and lean back just enough so I can look into her beautiful eyes. Just because we can't have a morning quickie doesn't mean I can't spoil her rotten in other ways. "You stay in bed, ok? I'll get the kids ready for school and make you breakfast in bed." She tries to say something, probably a protest because she hates just lying around while I do all of the work, but I kiss her before she can speak. "I mean it, baby. Let me do this for you, ok?" She nods and I give her another quick kiss before getting out of bed. Today is going to be amazing, if we can go without being interrupted every time we try to be intimate. God, I hope I didn't just jinx us.

DPOV

Don't you just hate the days when it's only noon and you've been so busy and so rushed you feel like you've been up for three days and you still have a million things to do? I don't. I love those days. I know it sounds a little weird, but it reminds me of Sunnydale whenever a big bad would try to take over the hellmouth. Everyone would be scrambling, trying to find the answer as to why they're trying to take over, how to stop them, and what might happen if they didn't and the big bad won. Only I'm not living on a hellmouth anymore, and the closest I've come to fighting a big bad in years is trying to impress the editor of one of the country's biggest fashion magazines, and believe me when I say she makes Meryl Streep's performance in The Devil Wears Prada look warm and fuzzy.

I can't complain at all about that, though. Because of that article my work is now selling out, and we're no longer just a local brand. Nope, we've gone national, which means longer hours, shorter deadlines, and about twice as much Advil consumption. But I wouldn't give this up for the world. It's what I love to do, it's my passion, and I'm really freaking good at it, if I do say so myself. I don't want to brag, but I am the youngest designer to ever be featured in that magazine, and because of the increase in business I'm thinking about buying a vacation home in Southern California. I'm thinking a house somewhere by the coast so my boys can be near the ocean whenever we stay there. It's sad that I got to grow up near a beach but they don't.

Anyway, but today I seem to be off my game. Normally I would already have these new sketches approved or denied by now, but I just can't make up my mind. I've narrowed it down to two choices, but something seems a little off about both of them. All of these seem a little off. I think it's because I didn't get much sleep last night. Alex has a really bad cold, and he slept in my bed with me. I think he might have a little bit of slayer blood in him because he can kick harder than any little kid I've ever seen. So Alex kept me up all night kicking, but I don't think I would have slept much even if he hadn't been. My boyfriend, Eric, slept at his place last night, and I never sleep well when he's away. He never fully explained why he wanted to sleep at his place. He just said he would see me today around lunch time so he should be here any minute.

"Miss Summers, there's a man here who wants to speak with you. He won't give me his name and you don't have any appointments this afternoon," my assistance's voice says over the intercom. That would be him now. She's new so she doesn't know who Eric is yet. My first assistant quit a long time ago because she finally got her teaching degree. She turned out to be Faith's new step-mom, which was all kinds of weird. Ever since she left I just haven't found an assistant who's as good as she was. But that's beside the point. I pull my little mirror out of my drawer and give myself a once over. I mix my hair a little, but everything else looks ok. I stand up and straighten out my clothes and take a small calming breath. We've been together for a while now, but I still get butterflies whenever he visits me in the office. How much of a school girl am I?

"It's ok, Patricia, send him in," I say and sit back down and try to look busy. It isn't hard because these sketches are not going to pick themselves. Maybe I should have Martin and Savannah come in here and help me figure out what is off about these pieces. I don't normally ask for a second opinion, but they've helped me in the past and it worked out great. That line sold faster than almost every other we've produced. After Eric leaves I'm definitely going to call them up here, and pay them extra because they'll have to come in on their days off to finish their work on time. Unless they want to work late tonight, which I don't see why they would since it's Valentine's Day. There's a soft knock on the door before it opens and in walks my guy. "Hey, babe." I get up and walk around the side of my desk and give him a soft kiss on the lips.

"Hey, sweetness. You look amazing," he says and takes a step back to run his eyes all over my body. I can't help but blush but it makes him smile a little wider so I guess it's a good thing. I would compliment him, but he doesn't like it when I talk about how sexy he looks in his uniform. Once I even tried to get him to wear it in the bedroom because he does look really fine in it, but there was no way he would. It's his work uniform, and he doesn't want to feel sexy in something he has to wear around a bunch of other guys. That I can get, but one time isn't going to hurt anything, right? "So why are you holed up in here instead of out on the floor?" I let out a little sigh and look over at the sketches on my desk.

"I can't decide which I like best. They both seem a little…I don't know. I'm having trouble getting into the right headspace," I say and turn back to him. How I got such a sweet man to fall in love with me I'll never really know. But it does kind of bother me that he stays at his place a couple of times a week. He didn't used to, it was only a couple times a month deal when we both needed our space, but then it stopped happening as often, and now it's happening more than before. It's really bothering me, even though deep down I know it shouldn't. But I shouldn't let it fester. Festering only causes bigger problems. I wrap my arms around him and gently rest my head against his chest. The sound of his heart beat never fails to calm me down. "I missed you last night. You've been staying at your place so often. I think it's throwing me off my game." Ok, that was totally passive aggressive, but I don't want to sound like I'm accusing him of anything.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean for that to happen," he says and pulls me a little tighter against his body. I let out a big sigh and relax against him. This is what I missed the most last night. Even though we've been together for a while, most nights he holds me while I fall asleep. Even when it gets too hot to cuddle, just having his hand on my hip is calming, and last night I had a hard time falling asleep without his touch. I smile a little bit when I feel something hard press against my thigh. Normally I would crack a dumb joke, say something like "is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?", but I can tell it's a box. It's probably a Valentine's Day present. Hmm, should I ignore it and wait until tonight, or should I tease him about it now? I think I'll tease him about it now.

"That box in your pocket, is that a present for me?" I ask and I feel the small chuckle rumble in his chest, but he doesn't say anything. Eric can't lie. Whenever he tries to lie he stutters, and his face gets really flushed, and it's adorable. Most of the time, instead of saying anything, he won't say anything at all. "It is a present for me, isn't it?" Again, he doesn't say anything, but he tenses up a little bit. I can feel him trying to move his hips away from me, and whether or not he's doing it on purpose doesn't really matter. Whatever is in his pocket is for me, and before I was just teasing him, but now I really wanna know. It must be a big deal if he's getting this tense. If it was something small he would say something like "just leave it alone" or something like that, but he's not saying a word.

"You'll find out tonight," he says and leaves a little kiss on the top of my head. I should just drop it, I should just give him a kiss on the cheek, tell him I love him, and get back to work to see can get back to work as well. But I just can't. I'm too curious about it now, and if he's getting this tense about it I kinda wanna see what he'll do if I try to take it. So I reach into his pocket and wrap my fingers around the box. "Dawn, stop." He tries to move but he isn't fast enough, so when he jumps back a little, it ends up helping and the little box is pulled from his pocket. I don't have a very good grip on it, though, and it falls to the ground with a little thud. He has this totally panicked look on his face and I can't help but laugh a little bit. Ok, so maybe the nickname "Brat" wasn't completely undeserved when I was a kid.

"You should see your face right now," I say with a little giggle in my voice. I can't help it if I like picking on him sometimes. He really is an easy mark. "Classic." He bends down to pick up the box and I glance down and get a look at it for the first time. Holy shit. That's a freakin ring box. Holy shit; holy shit; holy shit. My heart starts beating really fast and I get a little light headed. That's a really nice looking ring box which means the ring inside must be really expensive so it's most likely an engagement ring. Eric wants to get married? We've never talked about getting married before. Oh my god, holy shit!

"You should see your face right now," he says and stands up, the box still in his hands. I can't take my eyes off of it. I want to, I want to look at his face, ask him if that's really what I think it is, and maybe freak out, but I can't look away from the box in his hand. "It's classic." Ok, sure, make a joke at my expense. Can't he tell I'm about to have a melt down? We've been together for a while now, he should know when I'm about to have a freak out. I feel his fingers gently caress my cheek and the unexpected touch sends a shiver down my body. I'm finally able to tear my eyes away from the little black box, and look at him. I don't think I've ever seen him look that serious before.

"I was going to wait until tonight, but I guess the surprise is out there," he says and opens the box. I gasp like an actress in a melodrama who's overacting when I see the ring. It's beautiful. Three emerald cut diamonds on a platinum band that are sparkling so brightly in the light my eyes are starting to water up. I look up into his eyes, and I can tell he's a little nervous. He always purses his lips when he's nervous. "Dawn Summers, I love you. You have filled my life with so much joy, made me feel like I'm the only man in the world who matters. And I love your kids so much. I know it sounds totally cliché, but will you make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife?" God, what is happening? Ok, so I know what's happening but why is this happening?

"Eric," I say and put my hand on his chest. I feel like I'm falling down, but I'm standing completely still. Everything around me goes silent and all I can hear is the sound of his breathing. I don't know what to do. What the hell am I supposed to do? "I don't know what to say." His face falls a little bit, and I can tell he's getting upset. What am I supposed to do, lie to save face? This is a huge decision, and I don't know what to do. I think I'm freaking out. "I'm sorry, but this is just sudden. I'm completely thrown. I mean, we haven't even been together that long." Well, by the look on his face I'd say that was the wrong thing to say.

"We've been together for almost four years. Things have been going great, I thought this was inevitable," he says and puts the box down on my desk. Ok, so maybe we have been together for a while. Ok, so I need to explain. Explaining would involve making words come out of my mouth so he won't be so upset with me. Seriously, what is wrong with me? I'm normally really good in high pressure situations. Hello, I grew up in Sunnydale! Ok, Dawn, think. I take a deep breath and hold onto his hands. I'm looking deeply into his eyes and I can see all of the hurt and frustration. I feel bad that I'm the one that put it there but he just sprung this on me. Alright, so maybe it was partly my fault. I did steal the ring, but that isn't the point.

"I'm sorry for freaking out. It's just, I've been burned more than once by guys that I was serious with, and so I try really hard not to over think our relationship. I've taken it day by day because the thought of waking up one morning and you not being there for good breaks my heart, Eric," I say and I so didn't mean to get all teary eyed but it's a good thing because his expression softens. He takes me into his arms and places a small kiss on my forehead. I feel him let out a big sigh, and I tighten my grip on him a little more. I love it when he holds me like this. It always makes me feel so safe. Like nothing bad in the world can get to us. Maybe if I close my eyes, and want it bad enough then that will come true.

BPOV

"Are you ok?" he asks and it snaps me back to right now. I can't believe I zoned out like that. It's hard to describe, but I feel really weird right now. "You're being really quiet." He's right about that. I haven't said a word in the last twenty minutes or maybe it's been longer. I kinda lost my sense of time. I just don't feel like talking right now. I never feel like talking when I'm trying to process something, and this is something big. So instead of saying something I just nod my head. He doesn't get mad because he knows when I get like this I'm not doing it to be annoying or anything. That's one thing I really love about him. He gets me, even if he doesn't understand it he still gets it's not something I'm doing on purpose or doing to hurt him. Everyone else gets annoyed but he doesn't. "Do you want to listen to music?" Hmm, that's a good question. Do I want to listen to music? I shake my head no.

I go back to staring at the ceiling, and I start to feel a little guilty for being this quiet, but I can't help it. This was supposed to be a life changing moment or something, but I don't feel any different. Maybe everyone is right. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I break my staring contest with the ceiling, and snuggle up to him. I bury my face in his neck, and he wraps his arms around me. It feels a little weird. Not the snuggling, we do that all the time, but with one huge difference. We've never had all of our clothes off, and been close like this before. You probably just guessed right now that we had sex, and you're right. Today is Valentine's Day so we thought it would be the perfect day to give each other our virginity. I thought afterwards I would feel different, more grown up or something, but I don't. I feel exactly the same.

"Babe, you're shaking. What's wrong?" he asks and I let out a little sigh. I'm not shaking because I'm upset. I know that probably sounds like a lie, but it's not. I'm really cold right now. The covers were kicked off when we were still making out. I guess we got a little out of control, and now I have goose bumps all over my body, and I'm shivering. I glance down at the blankets, and back up at him. Normally I don't need to say anything for him to get me. I don't know if it's a slayer thing or an "us" thing, but I can tell by the look on his face that he got it. Without saying a word, he sits up, forcing me off of him, and grabs the blankets. He pulls them over us, and I snuggle against him again. When he wraps his arms around me I let out a big sigh, and a little smile pulls at my lips.

"Is that better?" he asks, and I look up at his face. He doesn't look as worried anymore because I'm not shivering, but I can tell he knows something is up with me. I nod my head yes, and leave a little kiss on his shoulder. I don't feel any different, but I know that things between us have definitely changed. They can't stay the same, can they? I mean, we had sex for the first time tonight, so that changes our relationship, right? I'm just worried what it means for us. Is he going to change? Is he going to be mean and distant like everyone says guys always get after sex? Is he going to want to do it all the time now? "Hey, you can talk to me, you know." His soft voice pulls me back to reality again. "You don't have to be scared." He normally gets me completely, but this time he just doesn't get it.

"Yes, I do," I say, and hold onto him a little tighter. He's the only person in the world who I can hug, and not hurt. I'm not one of those cliché girls who think that me being able to hug him and hold him without hurting him means we're meant to be together, but sometimes that's a nice thought. I try not to think about stuff like that, though. We live in a world that's so fragile that I try really hard not to think about our relationship for more than a week at a time. "Things are going to change now, Matt. I don't want us to change. I want things to stay the way they have been." He squeezes me a little tighter, and leaves a kiss on top of my head. Then he gently lifts my chin so I'm looking into his beautiful brown eyes.

"Listen to me, I know what you're thinking, and it's not going to happen to us. I'm not going to turn into one of those fucking jerks that sleep with their girl and then don't give a shit about 'em," he says, and I don't think I've ever heard him sound so serious before. "I fucking love you, Brooke. But if I do start acting like a dick, just smack me upside my head, ok? You're strong enough to knock some sense into me." I can't help but laugh a little, and I can feel most of the tension that was in my body leave. He kisses me, and I close my eyes. I love him so much, more than anything on this planet, and the thought of him actually doing that, turning into an asshole and only using me for sex, makes me want to cry my eyes out.

"I love you too," I say, and my voice sounds all fucking weird. It probably sounds like that because I'm trying really hard not to cry. I can't help it, though. Tonight has been so…I don't even have the words for it. I gave myself to him, completely, and he understands why I'm so afraid. He's totally perfect, even if he is trying to make a move when I'm going through something emotional, and don't want to have sex again. His hand is on my thigh, tracing little patters that are slowly working their way higher. Right before he reaches my pussy, I pull back from the kiss, and grab onto his hand. "I can't again. I'm still too sore." He got a little rough when we were making love. When he first went inside it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it was going to, but when he started to get close he was thrusting pretty hard.

"Did I hurt you?" he asks, and he looks really worried again. He puts his hand on my hip, and he looks deeply into my eyes. I love it when he does that. He has amazingly expressive eyes, and looking into them like this is one of my favorite things to do. "You should've told me if I hurt you. I'm not an asshole, Brooke. I care about your body, and what happens to it." I get a little smile on my face, and gently lay my hand on his cheek. All of the fears I had, all of the anxiety I was feeling just melts away. He's not going to change. If anything he's going to get even more protective. He's the love of my life, and I'm the love of his. I don't know why I got so in my head about this. I guess I need to work on not doing that.

"You didn't hurt me a lot," I say, and I guess that was the wrong thing to say because now he looks even more upset. I guess I also need to work on not putting my food in my mouth. That would be a good idea. "It's just the normal soreness, I guess. I had another person inside of me for the first time; it was going to hurt a little no matter what." He doesn't look worried anymore. He kisses me, and it's not too heated, but it lingers for a long time. I run my fingers through his shaggy hair, and pull a little. He presses his body more into me when I do that. He loves it when I pull his hair. I can feel my body heating up again, and that's not a good thing. I really am too sore to go again, and if we don't stop this soon I'm going to be frustrated for the rest of the night. I pull back from the kiss, and his lips go right to my neck. "We need to stop."

"Ok, I'll get right on that," he whispers in my ear, and I moan a little. I love the feel of his breath against my skin. I don't think he knows what exactly that does to me, but I know that if he ever does figure it out I'll be in big trouble. There are a few little things that he does that drive me crazy, in a good way, but I don't know if he does them on accident or if he knows they get to me. I swear, some days all he has to do is kiss my pulse point, whisper in my ear, and run his nails across the nape of my neck, and I get so turned on I'd let him get to third if he tried. He's too much of a gentleman, though. His moms raise him right, and sometimes that's really frustrating. But right now it's frustrating for a whole different reason. I push him away, and he finally gets the message. He pulls away from me, and has a little innocent smile on his face.

"Don't give me that look. You knew you were pushing it," I say, and I try to sound annoyed, but I have a smile on my face too. He leaves a little kiss on the tip of my nose, and he wraps his arms around me again. I let out another sigh, and snuggle in really close. Tonight was perfect, a little awkward at first, but after that it was perfect. I don't know what I did to deserve a guy like him, but I'm glad it happened. He saved me, literally saved him, from living on the streets. God knows what would have happened to be that winter if he hadn't found me. Now I can't imagine going a day without at least texting him. "You have to leave soon before Lily gets back, but I don't want you to go." I squeeze him a little, and he squeezes right back. I leave a little kiss on his neck, and shut my eyes and just let him hold me. Maybe if we get caught it won't be the end of the world?

"I'll stay until you fall asleep," he says, and leaves a kiss on the top of my head. See? I told you he's perfect. What other guy would say something like that, or do something like that? The other girls in the training house haven't been as lucky. They've hooked up with guys that are total jerks. They have sex, and then cuddle for maybe ten minutes, and the guy is ready to get out of there. It isn't just the guys, though. There are two girls who aren't into stuff like this. They just want to hook up, have some fun, and then leave. Maybe I'm not being fair. Maybe a jerk is a jerk, and it doesn't matter what the gender is. "Stop thinking so much. You're giving me a headache." He leaves another kiss on the top of my head, and I laugh a little bit. I try to stay awake, but it's useless as sleep slowly steals me from this moment, and everything goes black.

FPOV

Being a slayer and a mother has taught me a few very important lessons, but the most important one is: expect the unexpected. I know that sounds totally fuckin stupid, and more like some dumb gimmick for a cheap horror movie, but it's true. Being a slayer taught me to always be on my toes in any given situation 'cause you never know if the demon causing trouble is really under control by someone else, or if the prophecy was wrong, and that wicked bad thing that was supposed to happen is actually a good thing in disguise. Being a mom taught me that people are unpredictable, and just when you think you got someone figured out they do or say something that surprises you.

Over the years I've become kind of jaded to it. Of course Mattie is going to break all of the rules and get bad grades the moment he falls in love. Of course Addy is going to try to use the couple of spells Willow taught her to control a metric-fuck-ton of ants to carry Joey away. I stopped being surprised by all the weird shit my family does a long time ago. That's why tonight is so special. Today's Valentine's Day, and after twenty years together B actually managed to surprise me. I didn't think it was possible, but here I am, completely shocked, and loving this moment.

"Faith, thank God you're here," she says when she sees me and Officer Friendly, no joke that's his real name, and she stands up from the bench and walks over to the cell door. I can't help but smile and have to bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing. She stops looking glad to see me and now she looks really irritated. She gets that 'shut up or I'll stab your face off' look. You know, the same look she gets when someone tries to take food off her plate without asking. Normally it's scary, but right now it's really satisfying. "Don't you dare. This isn't funny, Faith. Will you just get me out of here so we can go home?" Oh man, she just doesn't know me at all, does she? We've been together twenty years; you'd think she'd know how I'd respond to this.

"Yeah, B, just one second," I say and take my cell phone out of my purse. She looks confused at first, until I hold it up and take a picture. Now she looks pissed again. "Got it. Man, this is so fucking good. I can't wait to post that on everything." I put my phone back in my purse, and I'm sure the smile on my face is bright enough to melt an ice cap. "So B, what's life like on the other side? Did you trade your emotions for a tougher skin? Did you have to sell yourself for some soap and a pack of cigarettes? Do you have any tattoos?" I shouldn't be having this much fun, but I am. B got arrested: best Valentine's Day ever.

"Ma'am, will you please confirm whether or not this is your wife? We have a lot of other people waiting," Officer Friendly says, and I look behind B at all the other people in the drunk-tank. There's gotta be at least fifteen people in there. Damn, I'm going to give her so much shit about that. This is seriously one of the best things that's ever happened. Should I tell him this is really her or should I just play along and say that I'm not sure if this is the real Buffy Summers-Lehane? By the look on her face if I do that I'm going to be sleeping outside like a dog for the next year. Well, I shouldn't even say "like a dog" 'cause our dogs sleep in the house on their overpriced dog beds. So maybe more like, I dunno, a stray dog? Whatever, it doesn't matter. Point is, she's going to kill me if I make her suffer through this any longer.

"Yeah, Officer, that's my wife," I say with a big cheeky grin, and as the cop unlocks the cell I take another picture. B glares at me and I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for this, but I really can't help it that she's such a bad driver. The sad thing is I'm the one who taught her to drive so I guess I shouldn't be giving her any shit for it. Yeah, that would be bad 'cause then she'd use it against me. Good thing I thought that shit out before I opened my mouth. Guess I really have grown as a person over the years. I step back and watch as B walks out of the cell. Everyone else in there is busy talking to each other, or just zoning out, and I think she was sitting by herself. I doubt she would try to socialize with anyone right now since she's so agitated.

"This is so embarrassing," B says, and pulls her coat around herself a little tighter, like she's trying to save what little dignity she has left. Yeah, right, like I'm going to let that shit happen. Come on, I may not make fun of her driving so she won't throw it back in my face, but I'm still going to give her shit for this. The reason why I'm giving her so much shit for all of this is because she did kind of ruin Valentine's Day. I have no idea why, either, she wouldn't say over the phone. All she said was she's in holding at the police station, and she needed me to bail her out. It wasn't too expensive so I have no idea what the fuck she did that was so minor I only had to pay eight hundred.

"Tell me about it," I say, and she gives me another glare as we're lead down the hallway and into the lobby or whatever the fuck it's called. We need to wait to get B's stuff so it's probably going to be a few more minutes. "What? It was embarrassing for me too, B. I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for you to show, and then I get a call and have to rush out of there. Everyone saw me leave alone. They probably think I got stood up or something." She gives me another glare because she knows I don't really care about that shit. "So, what happened, anyway? All I know is I'm waiting at one of the best restaurants in town, and then I'm gettin a call sayin I need to be down here. What gives?"

"I really don't want to talk about it right now, ok?" she says, and I let out a little sigh. This must be serious if she isn't willing to joke around about it. She's been arrested before when we were living in California. Cops thought she was drunk 'cause she kept serving on the road and shit. Turns out she wasn't drunk, but apparently applying makeup while driving is harder than it looks. When I bailed her out that time she was laughing about it, calling herself a danger to the public at large and all that shit. So how come it seems like she lost her sense of humor in that cell or something?

"Here are your personal affects," the officer behind the glass says, and slips a bag under the slot. Buffy reaches out and picks it up, and lets out another sigh. "One cell phone, one wallet, one set of keys, five pieces of jewelry; a pair of earrings, a bracelet, an engagement ring, a wedding band, and a watch. Next time put your phone on Bluetooth before you answer it. Every car has had that feature standard for the last fifteen years. There's really no excuse." Wow, what a condescending asshole. So Buffy got pulled over talking on her phone, and she didn't have the patience to set up it up in the car first. It's really not that hard. You just push a button on the console and it automatically syncs up. So who the fuck was she talking to?

"Thank you, Officer," B says as she signs the paper stating that she received all of the shit they took off of her, and she's trying to sound nice, but it just isn't coming through. That's the thing about B, even when someone is an asshole to her she's always fuckin nice. Something about being nice to someone is the easiest thing in the world and even if someone is being a dick it's important not to sink to their level. Though, sometimes she does kind of lose it, which is always fuckin awesome to see. It makes me feel like I'm not the only one who can't always control their emotions. "Have a nice night." See what I mean? "Come on, Faith, we need to get home." She holds onto my hand and I can see how fuckin tired she looks. Ok, so what the fuck happened that has her so exhausted? Today started out such a good fuckin day and now she looks like she's been up for weeks.

"B, what's wrong?" I ask, and I sound more worried than I wanted to. If she is upset who knows how she's going to interrupt my tone of voice, and I don't want her thinking I don't trust her or something. I look over at her, and now her chin and bottom lip is quivering, and it's pretty obvious she's trying not to cry. God dammit, what the fuck happened tonight? Why won't she just fuckin talk to me? "Buffy, I'm not playing anymore. What the hell happened tonight?" Ok, so I really need to work on controlling my voice. I didn't mean to sound a little irritated with her. I let out a little sigh. "I'm sorry. That came out wrong. I'm just worried about you." I put my hand on her back but she pulls away. Ok, what the fuck?"

"Now you're suddenly so concerned, huh?" she asks, and she sounds fuckin pissed. But she also sounds like any minute she's going to start sobbing. Fuckin Buffy, stop being so fucking stubborn! She's upset and she's taking it out on me to avoid talking about whatever it is that's bothering her. That's a classic Buffy move, and I'm getting really sick and tired of it. How long is she going to deflect before she can just talk about what's on her mind? "Five minutes ago you were asking me if I whored myself for soap and cigarettes, and now you're worried about me? Let's just go. I need to get home and they towed my car." She stomps off towards my car, and I can't believe that just happened.

"B, you know it's not like that," I say, and all the frustration and anger is out of my voice. Now all I sound is worried. I don't want this to turn into a big thing, but I really need to know what the fuck is going on. I'm her fucking wife. What's so bad and scary that she can't talk to me about it? "You didn't look like you were going to have a breakdown five minutes ago." She stands by the passenger side of my car with her arms crossed over her chest, and she doesn't look pissed anymore. Now she's fighting off tears, and my hearts fuckin breaking right now. I wrap my arms around her, and she squeezes me so tight I feel like I can't breathe. "Babe, please, just tell me what's wrong." If any of those bastard cops touched her wrong I'll rip their fucking arms off.

"Faith, I need to get home," she says, and her voice sounds all choked up. I feel hot tears burn my skin, and it sends a shudder throughout my whole body. I wish she would just open up and tell me. What's so bad that she just can't tell me? "Please, baby, just take me home." I let out a little sigh as I gently rub her back. Ok, I'll admit I'm being an ass trying to get her to talk about it here. We're out in public, in the parking lot of the police station and I'm asking her to tell me something that's obviously really fucking hard to talk about. Total fuckin dick move on my part. I pull back from the hug a little and leave a kiss on her forehead. I guess I really have become a mom over the years.

"Ok, babe, we'll go home," I say and pull my keys out of my purse. I am a little disappointed that we didn't get to celebrate tonight. I mean, B got us reservations at the best restaurant in town, and I dressed up for it. Oh well, nothing we can do about that now I guess. I leave one more kiss on her forehead and I unlock the car and open the door for her. She doesn't say anything as she gets in and buckles her seat belt. As soon as I shut the door I see her shuffling through that plastic bag and the first thing she does is put her engagement and wedding rings back on. I get in the car, and pull out into the street. I'm driving extra careful 'cause the last thing I need is a ticket after what just happened. As soon as I'm driving down the road B pulls out her cell phone.

"As soon as we get home I need to pack a bag," she says, and she sounds a little mumble-y. Great, there's proof right there we've been together too long. Anyway, my point is she sounds like she's talking more to herself than she is to me, and I'm totally confused. "I'll need clothes and my toothbrush, and I should take the photo albums with me. He'll want to see those." What the fuck is she going on about? I try to keep my eyes on the road instead of looking over at her too much, but she's really starting to freak me out and it's getting hard to concentrate.

"B, what are you talking about?" I ask, and she doesn't even look over at me. Ok, what am I, chopped liver? She's scrolling through something on her phone, and I swear she looks like she's starting to panic. I'm going to start freaking out soon if she doesn't explain to me what's going on. I stop at the red light, and let out a big sigh. I need to stay calm or it's just going to make everything worse. "Buffy, please tell me what's going on. What happened tonight? Why did I just have to pick you up from a holding cell?" Again, it's like I'm not even here.

"A plane will take too long," she mumbles again, and she keeps scrolling through shit on her phone. She's on the internet looking up…I can't see the screen well enough to tell, but I know she's looking something up. "I need to call Willow and have her teleport us there. Sky might want to go, but I don't know what to do about the kids. But Willow has to go. Andrew probably already called her. God, I hope he already called her." She sounds like she's about to break at any second and I glace over at her and see big tears streaming down her face. The light turns green, and I go with the flow of traffic.

"Buffy, what the hell is going on?" I practically yell, and it seems to snap her out of it. She looks up at me, and now she's openly sobbing. She went from tears to sobs in less than a minute. Now I'm really fuckin scared. The tension rolling off of her body feels like it's trying to strangle me, and if something doesn't give and soon one of us is going to break. It'll probably be me because she's always been the stronger one. "Buffy, please, you're freaking me out." She wipes at her eyes and drops the phone to her lap.

"Andrew called," she chokes out, and wipes at more tears, but they just keep coming. Her perfect, angel face is all smeared with makeup, and her eyes are getting really red and puffy from crying. Just seeing her like this is making me want to cry. "We need to get to the school, Faith, we need to get there before it's too late." What the fuck is she talking about? "He said Giles is sick. He said Giles has cancer and he didn't tell anyone. He said Giles only has a few more days at best." What the fuck is she talking about? I slam on the breaks, and turn in my seat until I'm facing her. My whole body feels like it just went numb. This can't be happening. It's Valentine's Day. This kind of shit doesn't happen on Valentine's Day. Guess from now on they gotta call it Schmalentine's Day 'cause this right here is fucking bullshit.


	94. Dear Agony part 1

**Cleveland, Ohio. Three Days Later. ****Faith POV**

I don't think I've ever felt more outta place in my entire fuckin' life. And that includes when I was trying to fit in with the Scooby gang when I first showed up in Sunnydale and was trying to act cool so they would accept me. But right here, right now, this is the most uncomfortable I've probably ever felt, and I have no idea what to do about it. I mean, am I supposed to get up and go over there? Am I just supposed to sit here and wait for B? Like that would do any good. She's been so distant and withdrawn from me since we got here. But this isn't about me, so I need to stop all this bitching before someone thinks I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm not. I just don't know what to do, and I get anxious when I don't know what to do. And I'm not going to fuckin' leave just in case B does need me.

I should probably fill you in on what's been happening the last three days. When B told me about Giles, and I slammed on the brakes in the middle of the road, we were damn fuckin' lucky no one was behind us. I didn't wanna believe what she had just told me, and I was in total fuckin' denial over the whole thing. The ride home was full of tears — hers not mine. Giles wasn't sick, Giles wasn't dying. The world just doesn't make sense without the stuffy Watcher in it. But when we got home, her whole attitude changed. She lost the tears and instead turned into the slayer. She started packing her bags like mad, and was hella organized about the whole thing. The kids were freaking out, wanting to know where their mommy was going and why her face was so red. How do you tell your kids that their grandfather isn't going to be alive at the end of the week? How do you fuckin' do that?

I couldn't tell them, not when I was so worried about Buffy and how she'd just shut down like that. I sent 'em back to bed and tried as hard as I could to talk to her about it. I know that she needed to get to Ohio as soon as possible to be with him, but we also needed to talk things through. Would the kids be going with us and staying at the house that was built as our home away from home when we're there? Would I be staying with the kids, and she would go to Ohio to say her goodbyes, and I would say mine at the funeral? I didn't have a fuckin' clue, and she wouldn't talk to me. She was so busy packing, getting everything organized perfectly in her bags so they would all fit, and then halfway through the process Willow showed up. She didn't knock on the door, just teleported right into the damn bedroom. I almost punched her in the face it scared me so fuckin' bad.

As soon as Buffy and Willow locked eyes, the tears were back. Buffy fuckin' broke down and ran to her friend for comfort. I know that they've known Giles the longest, they're the Scooby gang and always would be, but I'm not gonna lie. The fact that she was wrapped in Willow's arms and being comforted by her instead of me hurt a little bit. I guess that's just something I need to get used to 'cause that's how it's been the last three days. Anyway, after Willow showed up, and they cried for about ten minutes, she helped Buffy pack up, and they teleported to the school. Buffy said she would be back the next day to fill me in on what was going on. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then picked up her stuff and grabbed onto Willow and they were gone. I wasn't happy about that at all. Not because she left, but because now that she was gone, I had no more excuses not to tell the kids.

I didn't even bother looking in Addy or Joey's rooms. Whenever B and I get in a fight or something big like this happens there's only one place I need to look to find them. So I went into Mattie's room and all three of them were in his bed. The little ones were curled up right around him, and he was doing his best to comfort them both. Seeing them all squished together like that made my heart melt a little and tears welled up in my eyes. I felt so much fucking regret right then because they weren't upset about Giles, they were upset because their mom was upset and had just taken off without a word. They never really got to know Giles, and I feel like such a fucking asshole for it. I'm the one who didn't wanna live on a Hellmouth, I'm the one who didn't want to live in a place that gets really cold, and I'm the one who kept my kids from getting to know one of the most important people in Buffy's life.

Anyway, I sat down on the edge of the bed and explained to them what was going on. Well, the little kid version of what was going on. Grandpa Giles is really sick, and we don't think he's going to get better. Mom had to leave right away 'cause she wants to be with him, and she wants to know exactly what's going on, but she'll be back tomorrow. They were upset, but they were mostly upset because they know Giles is important to Buffy. They kept asking questions about what Mom was going to do, if Mom was going to move to the slayer school and take over, if Mom was going to be really sad and not get out of bed like one of their friend's moms did when her father died. I didn't have most of their answers. The only one I could really answer for sure was that B was not moving to Ohio, that Andrew was the new headmaster, and that wasn't gonna change.

That was three days ago, and now I'm standing in Giles' bedroom, leaning against the wall with Sky and Lily while our significant others sit by Giles' side. Willow and Buffy have been crying almost non-stop since we got here, and Xander is trying not to cry, but it's not working out too good for him. They've been in their own little Scooby bubble while we sit and wait on the sidelines, and I know that's just how it goes when something like this happens, but it's making me really fuckin' anxious. I don't know what to do. I need to know what to do so I can settle down, but there is no right answer. Remember when the world used to be so black and white? Yeah, I wish I could be six again, too. That would be really fuckin' awesome. Except for the part about my drunken mother, that was pretty fuckin' rough.

"Giles, can you hear me?" Willow asks, and her voice sounds so fucked up. It's like she can barely get the words out 'cause all her body wants to do is cry. She's sitting by his side, holding onto his hand, and those big Willow-tears are streaming down her face. I can tell this is killing Sky, but she's holding herself back. What they really need is some Scooby time, and we need to let them have it. "Do you think he can hear us?" Poor Willow is breaking my heart. It's bad enough that B is going through hell and isn't responding to me, but hearing Red sound so fuckin' broken is just adding salt to the wound. And we don't even like each other that much.

"Willow, I can hear you just fine," Giles says, and I let out a little sigh. They had me scared for a second. It's not like the guy is in a coma. I mean, he looks really sick. He doesn't look like the Giles I know and grew to love. He's really thin, like skeleton thin, and his skin is all dried out and cracking in some places, and it's just really bad. But he can still talk, still has most of his memory. But he's really weak. He can't sit up on his own, and he needs a nurse twenty-four seven just to keep him comfortable. Every doctor worthwhile in this country has said the same thing, though. It's a miracle he's still functioning this well, and it shouldn't be long now. I can't believe I just said that about Giles. Almost seems like a bad fuckin' joke.

"Giles, is there anything I can do for you?" Red asks, and she sounds like she's on the verge of tears. I look over at Sky, and I can tell this is ripping her heart out. I slowly reach out, and hold onto her hand. I may not be big on comforting people, at least not people who aren't named Buffy, but Sky really needs this right now. She looks like she needs it anyway. Her hand is limp in mine for a milisecond, and then she's clinging onto me like I'm the only thing stopping her from drifting away. Thank fuckin' God I'm a slayer or she'd be breaking bones right now. "Do you want some tea? I remember how you like it. I could make you some tea, and get you some scones to go with it. Would you like that, Giles?" I feel my lips start to quiver, and I don't know how long I'm gonna be able to hold this shit back.

"No thank you, Willow," he says, and he sounds so out of breath all of a sudden. I can see his chest rise really high, and it takes it a while to fall. His skin looks even clammier now, and it's the color of ashes. What the fuck is going on? Why does he look even worse all of a sudden? My whole body tenses and this weird feeling settles over the entire room. No one says a word, and I swear you'd be able to hear a fuckin' pin drop. "That's quite...alright." He's having trouble breathing now, and I can't help but wonder if this is it. If we're all going to be in here with him when he goes...wherever it is he's going to go. Buffy thought she was in heaven when she died, I hope Giles ends up there. Sure, he's made his fair share of mistakes, but he's more than made up for them.

Fuck, why am I even thinking that? I shouldn't be fuckin' thinking this. If I'm thinking this fucked up shit and he dies it's gonna be like I'm the one that killed him. How did any of this even happen? Giles was healthy, like annoyingly healthy. How did he even fuckin' get cancer? Before anyone can ask if he needs anything, his nurse walks into the room. She takes one look at him, and goes over to one of the machines he's hooked up to. She pushes a couple buttons and the fluid dripping down from the bag and into the IV starts dripping faster. I look over at Giles again and watch. After about a minute the color starts to come back to his face, but he still looks really fuckin' weak. I guess that's something that's not gonna change.

"He needs his rest now," the nurse says, and turns so she's facing everyone standing at the bed. Fuck, I hope I don't have to step in. Knowing B as well as I do, there's a high possibility she's gonna refuse to leave. I'll have to pick her up and drag her out, and she's gonna hate me for it. But Giles looks so fucking exhausted, and I know he's keeping himself awake so he can spend time with them. Red, Xander and B are like his kids. "Someone will come get you when you can see him again. Please, go now." She puts her hands on her hips, and she doesn't look pleased at all. In fact, she looks kind of like an impatient mother waiting for her kids to do as they're told. And I know 'cause that's what B looks like when the kids are taking forever cleaning their rooms.

"Giles, we'll be back soon, ok? I promise," Buffy says, and she leans down and she presses her lips against his forehead. He doesn't say anything back. I don't know if it's the medicine or if he's just that tired, but he seems pretty out of it now. The three of them turn after one more glare from the nurse, and they walk away. I step towards B, try to rub her back, but she walks right past me. It's like she didn't even fuckin' see me standing here. I get it, she's going through hell right now, so it's not like I don't understand. I'm not gonna lie, though, 'cause that stung just now. I'm her wife. When things get hard, I'm supposed to be the one she turns to for comfort, not Willow and Xander. But they're the Scoobies, and this is Giles, so that bond runs just a little bit deeper than marriage. Fuck, why is this happening?

**Buffy POV**

"Do you want anything to eat?" Faith asks, and I shrug. That's all I've been able to do for the last couple of hours. She asks me a question, and I shrug. She offers me comfort through touch, and I feel slightly numb to it. She's trying to be here for me, trying to help me through this. What a ridiculous thing to say. "Trying to help me through this," like I'm one of our children when they were little and needed a shot at the doctor or something. We helped them through that because eventually it would be over, and they could forget it even happened. What the hell is Faith going to do for me? Take me out for an ice cream and promise I'll never have to do something like that again? She can't help me through this, no one can help me through this, and I'm getting so sick of everyone trying to make me feel better when there's no point to it.

"B, you need to eat something," she says, and she sounds really worried. I haven't been able to eat since Andrew called and said that Giles is...since he told us the news about Giles. I've tried eating, mostly just to make Faith feel more comfortable, but I haven't been able to keep anything down. The doctor here at the school says that it's just stress, and the stress is understandable considering what we're going through. I look into those light brown eyes with little flecks of gold, but I can't hold her gaze for more than few seconds. Who would have thought this would be me? Buffy the vampire slayer; Buffy the badass; Buffy the Drill Sergeant; Buffy the coward. "You haven't had anything all day, babe. You need something in your system."

"Faith, please, I'm fine," I say, but I can't look her in the eye when I say it. I'm not fine. The man who loves me like a daughter, who's more important to me than my own blood father, has cancer, and he isn't going to make it. God, just thinking that feels so wrong. Like accepting it is betraying him or something. There has to be something someone can do. The doctors can't do anything, but magic is an option. I know magic and medical care isn't supposed to mix, but Willow is a lot more powerful than she used to be. She rose me from the dead, almost destroyed the world, called every slayer on the planet; there has to be something she can do for Giles.

"Buffy, we both know you're lying," she says, and she sits down next to me on the couch. The house is quiet, unnaturally so. She didn't have any of the witches on campus cast a spell or anything to soundproof the house. No, it's much more simple than that. The kids are gone. Willow has been teleporting them back and forth from here and Nevada. As soon as they get home from school she's waiting for them, and she brings them here until it's time for them to get up and leave in the morning. They haven't been in to see Giles yet. Faith doesn't want them to. She doesn't want their last memories of their Grandpa Giles to be him lying on his death bed. I'm not sure if they should or not, and I'm too afraid to ask him about it.

"Of course I'm lying. How could I be fine with everything that's happening?" I ask, but I don't sound angry, or upset or anything at all. I don't recognize my own voice. It's hollow, and raspy, and strange. I feel like I've been taken over by a pod person, but my consciousness has only been suppressed, and I can comprehend everything that's going on. I feel her wrap her arm around my shoulder, and I allow her to pull my body against hers. She gently manipulates me until my head is resting on her shoulder. I let her try to comfort me because she needs this. I know Faith better than anyone. She needs to feel like she's making a difference. She hates just sitting around feeling useless. So I'll let her feel like she's doing something if it helps her deal.

"This is killing me right now, so I'm not even going to try and imagine how hard this must be for you," she says, and gently rubs my back. I wish that I could cry. I really do want to be able to let everything out, but it's stuck, and I don't know how to fix that. If I could, I would be crying right now against her shoulder. She would try to soothe me, whisper things into my ear, and make those soft shushing sounds like we do when the little ones are upset. If I could cry, then she would be able to bring me some comfort, however temporary, and we would both get something out of it. But I can't, so we won't, and it's so frustrating I want to pull my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs.

"I feel like none of this is real," I say and curl my legs up against my chest. I might as well be honest with her. There's no point keeping everything bottled up inside. I tried to do that when my mom was sick, and I ended up pushing everyone away. I always push everyone away and then blame them when they finally reach their breaking point and leave. I haven't been like that for years, though, because I refuse to let my bullshit get in the way of loving Faith. I can't relapse now or I might not recover from it. I don't want to lose my marriage, my family, on top of everything else. I don't want to sound melodramatic, but I don't think I would survive something like that. To lose Giles, the only real father I've ever really had, and then Faith...I don't think I'd make it through that.

"I feel like I'm trapped in some horrible dream, and any moment I'm going to wake up and we're going to be at home, and the kids are going to be fighting because they're hungry and cranky, and Giles is going to call and ask how we've been, and make me promise to send more pictures and home movies, and then ask me to do some dumb task," I choke out, and I feel like my throat is closing up. I take in a big gasp of air, and Faith reaches over and gently rubs my back. We've only been here for three days, but it feels like we've been here for years. Calling it three days feels like some sick joke. All of this feels like a sick joke. Almost like the Fates are testing us, and if we can just pass their stupid test, Giles will be ok. I know that isn't true, but maybe if I believe it hard enough it will be.

"Shhhh, B, I know," she says, and keeps rubbing my back in those soft circles that normally help calm me down. Right now they're not really doing anything, though. I'm too numb for it to work right now. I don't shrug her off, though, because she needs this more than I do right now. She thinks I've been oblivious, that I have complete tunnel vision because of everything that's going on, but that's not true. I've seen the looks she gives to Willow because I've been clinging to my best friend more than her. I don't know if it's some twisted sense of jealousy or what, but she's not happy about it. Faith doesn't understand, though. Her dad is still alive and relatively healthy. Her dad isn't lying in his bed rotting away. Her dad isn't going to miss our babies growing up. Her dad is going to be around for all of that stuff and just thinking about witnessing all of my children's milestones without Giles there, ever the stiff upper lip, it just doesn't make sense.

We stop talking, and I'm kind of thankful for it. Just trying to carry on that little conversation exhausted me. You have no idea how tiring it is to try and be engaged when all you want to do is curl up in a little ball and disappear. I lean against her, resting my head on her shoulder, and she wraps her arms around me in a warm embrace. I close my eyes and breathe in her scent. Normally this is enough to make me feel better when I'm having a bad day. But bad days for me aren't what they used to be. In Sunnydale a bad day was losing someone I loved, or having to stop an apocalypse, or thinking I murdered my mom's boyfriend, or my boyfriend going evil, or being ripped out of heaven. Now my bad days consist of dealing with temper tantrums, or PTA meetings, or unruly curls when I try to put Addison's hair up. I've gone soft, and I don't remember how to deal with this amount of pain anymore.

"Mom, we're back!" I hear Joseph yell as he walks through the front door. I can tell by the sound of his voice he wasn't addressing either one of us specifically. They always get this weird tone of voice when they do that, and most of the time it doesn't bother me, but it kind of irritated me just then. Ok, I need to keep this in check. The last thing I'm going to do is take this crap out on my kids because I'm having a hard time dealing, and don't know how to find my footing. I look over towards the front door and only he and Addison are here. They're taking off their coats, and putting their backpacks and other things away. It may be warm in Nevada all year round, well at least in the afternoons, but February in Ohio is freezing cold.

"Where's your brother?" Faith asks, and I'm really glad. I can barely handle myself right now, and I know it isn't fair, but I don't think I can deal with the kids right now. I know she understands, and she's been doing more than her fair share. When all of this is over I'm going to have to make it up to her in a big way. Maybe I could pull some money out of my savings and take her on a little vacation. Somewhere warm where we can just relax on a beach, and drink ice cold beers, and let the sound of the waves lull us into a light sleep. I cringe, and my whole body tenses. God, what kind of a person am I? I'm thinking about planning a vacation when Giles is literally on his deathbed. A horrible one. There's no other explanation.

"He's not here," Joseph says, and takes off his cap. Faith lets go of me, but as soon as her arms leave my body, I grab onto her wrist. I know I'm acting like a spoiled child, but her warmth was actually helping me a little. It's cold in this house without the fireplace going, and I want to mooch off of her body heat. She gives me a sympathetic look, and I don't have the heart to tell her she wasn't helping me emotionally. I would have to be completely cold hearted to do something like that. "Brooke was really sad 'cause of Grandpa Giles. Aunt Willow said he could stay with her at the center, and Aunt Sky is going to teleport him here at dinner time." I let out a little sigh, and sling onto Faith a little tighter. I hate the fact that Willow made that decision without consulting us first, but I'm kind of glad she let him stay. Otherwise he would have been a pain to deal with.

"Why don't you kids go to your rooms and start on your homework?" she asks, but we can all tell by the tone of her voice that it wasn't a request; it was a command. She didn't sound mean or anything, but they know she isn't messing around right now. I lean back against the couch, sinking into the cushions until there's no more give left. Maybe if I close my eyes I'll fall asleep for a little while. I've been so exhausted for the last three days, but like I said earlier, it feels like it's been years. I've been so stressed, so tense, that my back is starting to hurt really bad from the muscles contracting for so long. If I'm not careful I'm going to aggravate an old slaying injury, and the last thing I need right now is my back going out.

"I don't want to do homework right now, Mama," Joseph says, and he isn't whining. It took a while for him to get over that. The damage I caused by babying him the first couple of years of his life took a long time to reverse, but we're getting back to a more normal place. He's eight years old now, his birthday was on the tenth, and I'm not happy about it. My baby boy doesn't even look like a baby anymore, he looks like a miniature man, and he's growing up way too fast. Faith calls him her "little dude," which is cute, but other than that no good is coming out of him getting bigger. "I want to cuddle with Mommy." What the hell? He never calls me mommy anymore. I look over at him, and those big brown Lehane eyes, and my heart melts a little. He knows I'm upset, and he wants to be close to me. I have the best family on the planet.

"Come here, sweetheart," I say before Faith can protest, and he gently crawls into my lap. He's small for his age, always has been. He used to be chubby as a baby, and Faith called him Moose, but since he's gotten older he's thinned out a lot, he's also the shortest kid in his class. He doesn't care, though. He says size doesn't matter when he has cool magical powers. He knows never to use them in front of...oh what do the kids call it...Muggles? I know it's a Harry Potter reference so I don't pay attention to it, but they have some slightly derogatory name for non-magical people and it drives me a little crazy. Anyway, I look over at my daughter, and she's looking a little dejected. "You too Addison, come here." She runs over to us, and crawls into Faith's lap. This little girl is more sensitive than she lets on, and everything with Giles is really getting to her.

I look over at Faith, and she gives me a small smile. It doesn't reach her eyes, and I wonder why. Is she that upset about Matthew not coming home right after school? Is she irritated with me for letting the kids stay out here when she already told them to go to their rooms? Or is she finally starting to show the weight she's been carrying for the last three days? I can't tell, and it's going to bother me until I figure it out. It's not like I can just ask right now. Not with the kids out here, anyway. I catch her eye, and lean towards her. She meets me halfway for a soft kiss, and I let it linger. I don't want her to be mad about this. Ok, yeah, I completely under minded her authority by letting them stay out here, and she can't be happy about that. But they need this just as much as I do right now, and I'm pretty sure she needs it even more than the rest of us.

Just as I'm about to doze off to the soothing sounds of Addison and Joseph talking about their day at school, and I'm not being sarcastic, it really is soothing listening to them talk about their day, there's a soft knock on the front door. I look over at Faith with a pleading look, my hazel eyes are set to puppy-dog-look, and I stick out my bottom lip in a pout. She lets out a little sigh, and rolls her eyes, and gently moves Addison off her lap. She stands up, and as soon as she's out of the way, Addison scoots over and clings to my side. Like I said, she's really sensitive and this is starting to get to her. She even wet her bed the other night when she had a nightmare. She was so embarrassed she started crying, and it took a while but I convinced Faith that she should talk with the counselor here at the school. I don't want my baby repressing anything.

"Buffy," I hear Faith say and I look over. Willow and Xander are standing at the door. As soon as I lay eyes on them the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. It's like I have tunnel vision all of a sudden and all I can see is Willow and Xander standing in the doorway. Willow's face is red; she has huge tears running down her cheeks, and fluid coming out of her nose. Xander looks like he's about to throw up. I can't be here for this. I don't want to know this. I already know what they're going to say, and I don't want to know it. Once I know then I'll know and I won't be able to just not know anymore. I try to stand up, but there's dead weight on my lap, holding me down. I look down and Joseph and Addison are still clinging to me. They seem confused, and they're looking at me for answers.

"Buffy," Willow says, and her voice is so choked with emotion she could barely get the word out. I try to lift Joseph off my lap, but it feels like someone put lead weights on my arms and I can't lift them. My vision blurs over, and I feel hot tears burning down my cheeks, leaving a scorching trail in their wake. What the hell is going on? Why can't I breathe. "I think she's in shock." Am I? I see them rush towards me, I try to tell them I'm fine, they don't need to do anything, but I can't get the words out. "Buffy, can you hear me?" Of course I can hear you, I want to say. I try to say it, but it feels like someone has replaced my throat and tongue with sand. I see the kids rush out of the way and Willow sits down next to me. She wraps her arms around me, and holds me close. I lose it.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" I scream, and my lungs are trying to suck in oxygen, but I just can't get them to work. It feels like there's a hole in my throat stopping it from reaching my chest. "No, no, no, no!" It must be getting there somehow because I can't stop screaming. I cling to Willow, bury my face in her neck, and I feel her rubbing my back, and running her fingers through my hair. I feel large, muscled arms wrap around me from behind, and Xander's chest presses to my back. I reach one hand back, trying desperately to pull him closer to me. "No, no, no, no, no!" This can't be happening, this isn't happening. This isn't real. I'm in hell. I died in my sleep, and I slipped into hell, and any moment Willow is going to cast a spell to get me out of here. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" Any minute now.


	95. Dear Agony part 2

**A/N: **I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this updated. I tried as hard as I could to write a funeral scene and for the lift of me I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry if this is disappointing in any way but for the sake of my emotional/mental health, this was the best I could do. (this has been lightly proof read by me, but in a couple days I'll upload an edited version of this chapter when my beta is through. I just wanted to get this up as quick as possible since you've been waiting so patiently)

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**Lincoln, Nevada. Five Days Later.** FPOV

"Buffy, are you ready?" I ask and look over my shoulder. We're sitting on our bed facing away from each other, just staring across the room. That's how it's been for the last twenty minutes. Just dead silence while I try to figure out how to talk to her. Today we're going to England to bury Giles. All of the advanced witches at the school, plus Willow and Sky, are going to be teleporting people there in about five minutes. The funeral isn't for another hour but we think that will be enough time for the people who aren't used to teleporting to get over the side effects. The last thing we need in the middle of this is a bunch of people puking their guts out.

"No. I don't think I'll ever be ready," she says, but she doesn't look up. Her head is turned down like she's staring at her lap, and I don't think she's ever looked more vulnerable and weak than she has right now. Maybe when she was in labor, but that's actually running a really close second. This is harder on her than anyone else. He was her Giles, and that's always how it was gonna be. No one could ever have a bond like the two of them did, ever. When I blew through Sunnydale I was jealous of that, and it took me a really long time to understand it. They trusted each other completely. Even after Giles poisoned her to make her "normal" for the stupid test the council did, they still got the trust back after a while, and they loved each other just like a father and a daughter are supposed to. Hell, the bond I have with my dad doesn't even come close to what they had, and we're blood related.

"I know how you feel, babe, but we need to go soon," I say in the softest voice I can possibly manage. Being around Buffy these last four days has been like walking on broken glass with salt mixed in just for the fuck of it. It means I haven't had a moment to just rest and try and grieve because I have to constantly be watching out for her mood swings. She's been taking her shit out on other people, unintentionally, and the other day Joey was the target. I just can't let that shit fly. I know she's going through hell, but the last thing our baby boy needs is his mom freaking out and yelling at him because he tried to pour himself a bowl of cereal and spilled the milk all over the counter. Normal Buffy would have been totally understanding, might have even laughed about it, but she's not normal right now and it's going to take a long time to get back to that.

"I don't think I can," she says, and her voice sounds all fucked up like she's trying not to cry. I scoot towards her and wrap myself around her completely. My legs are resting on either side of hers, my arms are wrapped around her waist with my hands on her stomach, and my chin is lightly resting on her shoulder. She hasn't been letting me touch her much since that afternoon when Willow and Xander delivered the bad news so this is a big fucking deal. She lets out a little sigh, and places her hands on top of mine, and I gently nuzzle her cheek with the tip of my nose. Now that she's letting me do this I want all the comfort I can get. "It's just...he was _Giles_, and I don't think I can stand there and watch that coffin be...be lowered into the ground and..." She has these fat tears rolling down her face and I get a really fucked up feeling in my chest, like a huge weight was just set on top and then lit on fire.

"I know, babe, I know," I tell her, but I don't, at least not really. Not as much as she does. He was her Giles and she was his Buffy and I don't even think Willow or Xander are feeling this as much as she is. But she has to go. I have to make her go. If she misses this she'll never be able to forgive herself. Maybe not right away. Maybe not for the first couple of years, but when the pain finally dulls to just a low throb instead of a gushing chest wound then she'll look back on this day and fucking hate herself for not going and saying her final goodbyes to her Giles. But now the question is: how am I going to get her to go? If I try to force her hand she'll resist and it'll start another fight. I don't want to get in a fight with her, not today. Well, not ever, but that's beside the point. I guess it's time to do the thing that moms do best: guilt trip.

"But I need you today, B. I don't know if I'll be able to get through this day without you, and the kids..." I let it hang there, mostly because I can't think of anything else to say, and partly because leaving it unsaid gives it more power. I know that this is kind of fucked up, taking advantage of her emotions like this, but I really don't see any other way to get her to that funeral. I feel more than hear her let out a long sigh, and I lay very gentle kisses along the back of her neck. I know I'm pushing it, and things can go from comforting to agitating really fuckin quick, but I need this. We haven't touched in days, and I'm not talking about sex. I mean, every time I try to get a hug, rub her back, snuggle up to her at night, or even sit really close to her on the couch, she pulls away. I need this right now, and I'm going to milk it while it lasts.

"I know," she says, and then we both get really quiet. I rest my chin on her shoulder, and close my eyes. The feel of her in my arms and the heat from her body are really comforting, more than I thought they would be. I guess it's true what they say about not really knowing what you got until it's gone. She's denied me physical contact and now I feel like a fucking junkie craving her touch. "I talked to Willow and she said the same thing. She said she doesn't know if she can get through it without me there." She gets really quiet, and she's not even breathing so I know she wants to say something, but she's unsure. I know her better than she realizes. "Would you hate me if I didn't go?" Her voice is barely above a whisper and if I wasn't a slayer I don't think I would have heard it.

"No, babe, I could never hate you," I say, and I feel like her words were a slap to the face, but I force my voice to remain neutral and not defensive. Knee jerk reactions are a bitch to control, but I manage. This next part is tricky because if she takes it the wrong way I don't know how she's going to react. Odds are she won't let me touch her for at least the rest of the day, and I don't think I could handle that. But I need to say something 'cause if I don't speak my mind I know I'm going to regret it. "But I think you're going to hate yourself one day if you don't go and say goodbye to him." She finally lets out that big breath she's been holding, and when she inhales it sounds really shaky. Her body is really fuckin tense now, and I know she's trying not to cry.

"Shhh, B, it's ok. You don't have to go if you really don't think you can face it," I say, and she clings onto me. Her nails are biting into my skin, and if she adds any more pressure I know the skin is going to pop, but I won't make her let go. Her breathing is really ragged now, and her whole body is heaving with her effort to keep it together. Since I'm pressure right against her we're both rocking back and forth a little, and I'm sure it looks fucking weird, but I don't give a shit. I start taking really deep, slow breaths and after a minute or so she starts trying to mimic what I'm doing. When she finally calms down a little she sniffles really loud, and wipes at her tears. The hand she left go of practically sings in relief now that her death grip is gone.

"No, you're right," she says. Quick, someone mark the date 'cause Buffy Summers just admitted I was right about something. Ok, that's a fucked up joke to be making at a time like this, but I need to stay sane somehow. "If I don't go then I'll never forgive myself." I leave more little kisses on the back of her neck, and that seems to calm her down even more. The tension practically melts out of her shoulders, and if this is what helps than I'll spend the rest of forever doing it. "Just don't let go of me, ok? I feel like I'm about to shatter any second." I squeeze her a little for a few seconds before I relax my grip, and rest my chin on her shoulder again. My mouth is by her ear, and I really wanna leave a little kiss on the shell but that will be taken the wrong way 'cause that's one thing I do when I'm trying to get some.

"I promise, B," I whisper, and we just sit here holding onto each other as her tears finally disappear and her breaths goes back to normal. I wish we could just stay like this for the rest of the day. I mean, she doesn't want to go anyway. We could take off our clothes, wash off our makeup, and lie in bed just holding each other and talking, maybe even sneaking some kisses here and there and just pretend nothing else is going on outside that door. That could work. We used to do shit like that all the time before we had kids, and jobs. Only we would do more than just kiss. Then I hear Willow calling our names from downstairs, and our little bubble is shattered. God damn reality forcing us to be a part of it instead of just fucking off like it should.

"Will you go downstairs and talk to Willow? I need to fix my face," she says, and I fuckin hate it when she words it like that. Is it really so hard to say the word makeup? But I don't say anything. I don't need to get into that particular stupid argument right now. I just give her a little kiss on the side of the cheek, whisper that she always looks beautiful to me, and very reluctantly peel myself away from her. Before I go I stand in the doorway for a few seconds and just breathe. I need to try and keep it together. Seeing Willow upset seems to be everyone's Achilles' heel, and if the kids see me cry they're going to get really upset and be even clingier and I wanna get out of the house as smooth as possible.

After putting up that emotional wall again, I head downstairs. As soon as my feet hit the floor I feel two thin, but really strong arms wrap around me in a crushing hug. Well, it would be a crushing hug if I weren't a slayer, and she weren't a witch. Don't get me wrong, if she set her mind to it she could kill me with the flick of her wrist. Thank God I'm not on her bad side. What the fuck am I thinking about? That's not what I need to be focusing on right now. I wrap my arms around her, and just let her cling onto me. I can feel her hot tears against my neck, and remember all of those emotional walls I took time to put in place? Yeah, those are getting knocked right the fuck down. God damn you, Willow, and your kryptonite tears. Between Red and B, I'm going to be a fuckin mess by the end of the day, I just know it.

BPOV

"Buffy? Babe, it's time to go," I hear Faith say, but I can't respond. All I can do is lie here and stare. The funeral ended hours ago. I'm sure by now everyone has left or gone back to their dorms. It was a really great service. A bunch of people spoke, including Willow, Sky, Xander, Kennedy, and Faith. When Faith started talking about second chances and how Giles never held anything against her I started hyperventilating, and Willow brought me here to Giles' office. She laid me down on the couch because I couldn't sit up, and I cried until I passed out. I woke up about three hours ago and I've been staring at his desk ever since. Well, Andrew's desk now.

"Sweetie, did you hear me?" Faith asks and I nod my head. She kneels down next to the couch, blocking my view of the desk, and now she's gently caressing my hair. It's hard to believe that these hands that have been apart of so many wonderful things; our children's first baths, rocking them to sleep or softly rubbing their backs to comfort, teaching them to tie their shoes, and bringing me to the height of ecstasy over and over again, have also caused so much pain, and damage. "B, it's late, we need to get home. Our babies are waiting for us." That's a dirty trick. I'd know because I use it all the time.

"In a little while," I tell her and turn my head until her fingers are softly running against my cheek. When I lay flat again, her hand stays on my face, which is exactly what I wanted. I watch as she rearranges herself so she's sitting on the floor in front of me, looking at me with those beautiful Lehane eyes, and just loving me. It's making me feel a little guilty, though, because all I want to do is stare at Giles' desk some more and zone out. So instead of saying something I know she'll take the wrong way, I shut my eyes and focus on her hand that's gently cupping my cheek, her thumb softly stroking my skin. For the first time in days I feel like I can breathe. Just breathe and let my mind wander.

(Flashback)

I don't think I have ever felt more exhausted in my life, and I've been a slayer since sophomore year of high school. For a while I was the only slayer, and raised a teenager with the help of my friends, which was not easy. But this feeling of exhaustion wins the competition by a landslide. This makes the battle with the First look like a cakewalk, and an entire town was destroyed plus I almost lost a kidney. Even the days after the battle when we were trying desperately to figure out what to do next, and grieve over the people we lost weren't as tiring as the last few hours.

So what happened that was so draining that the infamous Buffy Summers is in a hospital bed and can barely keep her eyes open? It's a very simple answer. I had a baby. The nurse just took him out of the room to be measured and weighed, and Faith is staying as close to him as possible. I think if it even looks like they're about to harm one hair on his little squishy head she'll rip their arms off. I have a feeling she's going to be a very over protective mother, and if that means I get to lay here while she takes care of our son then I am perfectly ok with it.

Our son. God, that is such a weird thing to even think. I'm a mother. I just had a baby with Faith Lehane, the woman I'm madly in love with and have been together with pretty much since Sunnydale was turned into a crater. If I were to go back in time to the night I met her, and tell all of this to my eighteen year old self, she would probably think I'm a demon and stab me in the chest with a broadsword. Eighteen year old me was far too pessimistic and close-minded. But why am I thinking about that right now? It must be the exhaustion from pushing another human being out of my body; it's making it difficult to concentrate on one train of thought.

My whole body jerks at the sound of someone lightly knocking on the door. My slayer instincts are very heightened right now. I'm extremely weak and vulnerable, and my inner animal is not comfortable with that at all. I glance over just in time to see the door slowly open, and Giles quietly walks into the room holding a bouquet of flowers and a balloon that says 'It's a boy!'. I can practically feel how excited he is, and it makes me smile despite how freaking sore I am. He smiles back, and sets the flowers and balloon down on the little table before walking over to the bed, and gently holding my hand.

"I'm sorry I'm so late. Most of Willow's directions were lost between high pitched squeals, and a little bit of crying. Xander wasn't much help either," he says, and a small laugh is pulled out of my throat. It just reminds me how sore almost every muscle in my body is. All I had to do was sit back and push. It sounds so freaking simple, so why does everything hurt so God damn much? I think I've just decided I am going to be one of those mothers that use their child's birth against them in an argument. In fifteen years when he asks why he needs to do chores or can't stay out passed his curfew I'll just bring up how painful it was pushing him out of my vagina.

"That's ok, you're here now," I say, and I hope that didn't sound mean. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I had been hoping he would make it sooner than this. Giles is like a dad to me, and there are certain things a girl wants her dad to be a part of. The birth of her children is one of those things, at least for me anyway. I wouldn't have wanted him in here for the actual birth part because that was totally gross, and Faith ended up kicking everyone out anyway. Well, everyone but the doctor and a couple of nurses. I don't blame her. I was scared, in pain, feeling really claustrophobic, and having Willow, Dawn and Xander crowding me while the doctor was telling me to push got a little overwhelming. "And you're not late. They just took him away a minute ago."

"Is everything alright?" he asks and starts looking around the room. I don't even want to know what he's looking for. Probably evidence of something horrible happening in here, like lots of blood all over the floor or surgical tools or something. Just the thought of that is making me feel queasy. "And where is Faith?" Just the sound of her name makes me smile. Thinking back on how she acted as soon as the umbilical cord was cut, and the doctor handed her our screaming, mucus covered bundle of joy, I can already tell that's going to be one of my favorite memories for the rest of time. She looked like she was about to start jumping up and down screaming in excitement, and pass out because the reality of us becoming parents finally hit her, just like it hit me. And it feels like a punch to the face.

"Everything's fine," I tell him, and his attention is brought back to me. He still looks concerned, but I guess since I'm not worried or panicked his freak out level isn't getting very high, which is good because the last thing I need to deal with at the moment is a freaked out Giles. "They just need to do all the tests for newborns to make sure he's healthy, and to measure and weigh him, and put him in a diaper. Faith refuses to leave his side." We both smile a little, and Giles squeezes my hand again. "She's already a good mom." He smiles again, and sits down in the plastic chair next to my bed. I'm really glad he plans on staying awhile because I really need my Giles right now.

"I've no doubt. I know both of you will be amazing mothers. That little boy is very lucky to have you," he says, and I don't think he's ever sounded more sincere about anything before. At least not while talking to me. Maybe it's the hormones, or maybe it's the drugs, or maybe I've just gone soft, but my eyes are teary right now. He doesn't know it, but he just touched a huge nerve that's really sensitive. For the last few weeks I've been worried that I'm not going to be a good mom. I'm afraid of making all kinds of mistakes, afraid that I'm going to screw my baby up and he's going to hate me when he's older or turn out to be a bad human being like Warren or something. I haven't told anyone because I know it's stupid but right now it feels so real.

"Do you really think I can do this?" I ask, and some of those tears slip out and roll down my cheeks. Giles gets a look on his face like he doesn't understand what I'm saying, and he gently wipes the tears away with the pad of his thumb. I sniffle loudly, and try not to start sobbing at his caring touch. God, why do I feel like I'm going insane? One second I'm totally fine, and now I'm a weepy mess. Is this what having a baby really does to you? Because that was not in the brochure at the doctor's office on our first visit. They need to be more honest with people about this crap.

"I don't think you're going to be a good mother, Buffy," he says, and it feels like someone just put a huge weight on my chest, and it's about to be crushed. Why would he say something like that? Who says something like that to a person? "I _know_ you're going to be a great mother. And if you ever need anything, any type of help at all raising my grandson, do not be afraid to feel ashamed to reach out. I'm always just a short teleportation away, you understand?" I nod my head because that's all I can do at this point. The tears are turning into quiet sobs, and my lips are quivering too hard to speak. I don't know why the universe gave me him, but I'll never be able to repay it.

(End flashback)

"I want to take the desk home," I say after a few minutes of quiet. I look up into Faith's eyes and she looks really confused. I can't really blame her for that. I would look totally confused also if she were silent for a while, and then broke the silence with some random declarative statement. "We can get rid of my vanity and put it there." I can tell by the look on her face that she doesn't think it's a good idea. She probably thinks it's not healthy to hang onto something like that. Like maybe I'm holding onto him and keeping his desk is going to prevent me from moving on or something. Or maybe she thinks it's just too bulky to keep in our bedroom; hell if I know, and I'm not about to start a fight by asking.

"Ok, babe, we can do that. I'll have Willow teleport it tomorrow, ok?" she says, and she gently wipes away my tears. It makes me cry harder, and she leans forward and wraps her arm around me, and rests her forehead against mine. I can feel her body shaking and I know she's about to lose her resolve. She's been my rock today, and she'll never know how grateful I am for her. I honestly don't think there's any way for me to really show her just how fucking thankful I am to have her in my life. "Shh, B, we're going to be ok." By the sound of her voice, it's almost like she's trying to convince herself that more than me. On some level that's probably true. Faith always says stuff like that out loud to try to make them true when they're not. How are we supposed to be ok when our Giles is gone?


	96. Drowning on Dry Land

**A/N: Hey guys! It has been ages since I've updated, but look, I finished a chapter! I can't promise that the updates on this story are going to frequent since I have a lot going on in my life right now, but I do have an end goal for this story, and I'm determined to reach it. It's been lightly proofread, but I'm in desperate need of a beta, so if you know anyone who has the time and would like to do it please send them my way. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!**

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**Three Months Later.** BPOV

"Buffy, you should just stay over," Willow says, and holds onto my wrist. I'm trying to get my sweater on, but the damn thing doesn't want to cooperate. I think maybe at some point in the last eight hours or so it was possessed by a demon. A demon who wants to see me suffer by getting chilly on the short walk home. Its power is only strengthened by people's skin erupting in goose bumps, and it's after mine. "You're drunk, just sleep it off." Or it could be that. That's always a strong possibility. But I'm not drunk. See? I'm standing, and I'm moving, and I can kind of see straight. The lighting in Willow's house is strange so it makes everything look dim and blurry even if I hadn't had anything to drink.

"It's ok, Will," I say and manage to pull my arm out of her grip. Even if she was holding on tight I'm still a slayer so I would be able to get away from her. Even if I've had five glasses of wine, two cocktails, and a shot of tequila. Maybe some other things too, I can't really remember right now because this stupid sweater still isn't cooperating! "Faith will get mad. She says I spend too much time here." Which is ridiculous. I spend just as much time at home as I do with Willow. And even if I am spending a little more time with Will, what does she honestly expect? We're grieving, we just lost Giles, and I need my best friend right now, and Willow has been my best friend since sophomore year of high school when I had to rescue her from a vampire.

I'm not trying to sound harsh. I absolutely love Faith even after all these years together. She's my wife, my lover, my soul mate, and everything I could ever want in another human being, but she isn't a Scooby. She never was a Scooby. We tried to bring her in to the fold, but she had too many issues she was in denial about, and pushed us all away. She came to love Giles over time, and she respected him for the work he did, but she never loved him the same way I loved him. He was like a dad to us. He was there for us even about things that didn't have to do with demons and vampires and that weird time around May when the world was in danger of being obliterated. Faith didn't lose her dad, so Faith doesn't fully understand this.

"Just be careful on the walk home," Willow says like the mother hen she's become since Ashlyn was born. She grabs onto my sweater, and using her magical witchy powers, manages to get my arms into the sleeves. She even buttons the two in the middle so it will stay on properly. Sometimes I wish I had her magic powers. I think life would be a little easier if I could magically put on a sweater that's been possessed by an evil goose bump demon. "No walking into lampposts this time, Buff. This city finally got the last one fixed." I can't help but laugh when she says that.

"It wasn't my fault someone moved it! They're supposed to be next to the sidewalks, not in the middle of them. Where's that logic?" I ask, and what I said must have been funny because she's laughing so hard that her face is turning as red as her hair. It's gotten really long, and it looks really silky. Sometimes when we're sitting on the couch together I'll run my fingers through it, or try to braid it like we did back in high school. I'll never understand how Xander's braid was so perfect while mine was all messed up. I'm a girl, shouldn't that kind of knowledge just be in my DNA?

"Willow, could you guys be quiet? Ashlyn is trying to sleep," Sky's voice comes from the top of the stairs, and I look up at her. She's wearing her pajamas, a light blue sleep shirt, and some darker blue sleep shorts. They must have come in a set or something. Her arms are crossed over her chest, and I can't really tell because the light in this room makes everything fuzzy, but she doesn't look happy. She's probably tired. Being a mom is so tiring. Sometimes I don't know why I wanted to be a mom in the first place. I mean, sure, at first it was kind of forced on me because I certainly didn't ask that witch to fuck up her spell that attached itself to my uterus, and it let Faith knock me up, but after the initial shock wore off I was really excited about bringing someone else into the world, and raising a human being. I love them, and they're the best thing I've ever done, but does it have to be so exhausting all the time? I want to tell her that I understand, but I get that if Ashlyn wakes up then that will suck for everyone, so instead I smile and give a little wave.

She doesn't wave back, and she doesn't smile or even nod or anything to acknowledge the fact that I know exactly what she's going through. Well, that's rude. What happened to the whole 'parents sticking together because it's tough and we should be supportive' thing? But she doesn't do anything. She just stands there looking like a drill sergeant or something. At least she would look like a drill sergeant if drill sergeants wear light blue pajama tops, and tiny sleep shorts. What do drill sergeants wear to bed? I've never thought about that before, but now I really want to know and it's going to bother me if I don't find out.

"Ok, sweetie. I'm just saying bye to Buffy. I'll be up in a minute," Willow says, and I don't know if it's the alcohol or if this is really happening, but she sounds sheepish. She sounds just like she did back in high school when she was nervous about asking Oz out. I totally get it, though, because if I'm not home soon then Faith is really going to lay into me, and not in the good sexy way. I mean she's going to tell me I need to be more responsible, and how disappointed she is, and she's going to sleep with her back to me, and if I touch her she'll jerk away, and if I touch her again she'll get up and sleep on the couch. If she thinks that bothers me she's wrong because I like sleeping sideways in the bed sometimes.

"Goodnight, Buffy," Sky says, and she turns around and walks away before I can say anything. Can you believe that? Sure we were being a little loud, but does she need to be so rude about it? Ashlyn didn't wake up, and Willow said she was sorry. Why is Sky being so uptight? She's always kinda been that way, though. Not when they first got together. When they first got together Sky was really cool, and relaxed, and spending time with the two of them was fun. But when she had Ashlyn it's like her entire personality got sucked away. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that her kid has really strong magical powers if she uses them in public it could out the entire magical community, and Ashlyn might be taken away by the government and studied by scientists like Oz that one time in college.

"Good luck with that," I say and can't help but giggle at the look on Willow's face. She looks a little worried and sad, and normally I would be sympathetic but it's just so freaking funny right now. She gives me a hug goodbye, and something about it helps me calm down and I stop laughing. I guess that's a good idea. Wouldn't want to wake the baby and get the wrath of Sky. She's a witch, she doesn't even have to be near me to fuck me up if she wanted to. Now there's a comforting thought that's going to help me fall asleep at night. Whatever, it's not like Willow wouldn't be able to undo it. Sky may be a powerful half witch, half slayer badass person, but Willow is a goddess, like literally.

Willow opens the door for me and turns on the porch light. We say goodnight, and I stumbled when I try to step out. Seriously, why does her doorframe have to be so weird? I always trip on that thing, even in the middle of the day. It's like it wasn't even built with people in mind. I laugh a little after I get my balance back and Willow says something about needing a walker, but I just wave it off. I'm not that old yet, and I don't appreciate her humor about it. I'm still relatively young, and desirable, and people would be lucky to have sex with me. Sure, I may not have as many people drooling after me like dogs, but that just means the people who are attracted to me are more mature and polite than that.

The walk home seems to take forever, and I don't know who moved that other lamppost into the middle of the sidewalk, but I bump into it. I don't hit my face like last time I walked into one, I just bump it with my shoulder, but seriously, what demon or fairy, or gnome is moving these things and then moving them back by morning? This is not ok. I think I'm going to have to do some research tomorrow and get to the bottom of this because it may not seem evil, but it's inconvenient if you happen to be walking at this time of night. I guess technically it's morning, but who the hell says morning when it's still dark outside? Weirdoes and nerds, that's who.

When I get to my house I can tell that the porch light in on, but it doesn't look like anything else is on. That means Faith already went to bed. She went to bed and didn't leave a lamp on. That means she's mad at me about something. She's probably mad because I didn't call and say I was going to be at Will's for as long as I was. Willow lives right down the street, if she wants to see me when I'm hanging out with Will then she can just come over. Is that really too much to ask when I'm spending time with my best friend, and trying to deal with our pain? Giles is dead, and not just a little dead like I was before Willow resurrected me. I mean he's capital d Dead, and he isn't coming back.

Oh God, Giles is dead and he isn't coming back. What the fuck kind of world are we living in where Giles is gone, and I'm never going to see him again? He's never going to see my kids graduate high school, or college, and move on to the great things that they're going to accomplish? Who am I supposed to get life advice from if things get weird with Faith like they do sometimes, or if I'm having trouble with Matthew because he acts a lot like I did when I was a teenager and it scares the living hell out of me? How am I supposed to exist in a world without my dad? I don't know how to do that? How the fuck can I learn how to do that?

I open the door, and I'm a little surprised to see that it isn't locked. Faith went to bed and shut out all the lights, but she didn't lock the door? That's really strange. I know we live in a nice neighborhood and crime rates are really low, but that's a little much. And when the hell did it start raining? Or is that a leak from the ceiling? Is one of the pipes leaking and now we're going to have a pay a crap ton of money for a full copper repipe? Because I don't think I can go through that again, not after what happened in Sunnydale. I wipe the water off my face, and my eyebrows furrow with confusion. It's not water, it's tears. When the hell did I start crying?

I don't even bother trying to get my sweater off the right way. It isn't my favorite, and I got it a couple weeks ago so I can just buy another one. I rip it off, and drop the shreds to the floor. I'll clean it up tomorrow, and if the dogs get a hold of it they can use it as a toy if they want. It'll be like Christmas come early for them. I put it out of my mind as I continue to wipe the tears that are pouring down my face. It's like now that I've started crying my eyes don't know how to stop even though I'm trying really hard. I'm trying so hard to hold it together, but it just isn't working. Why isn't it working? I thought as long as you tried hard enough, and you put in the effort things would work out in your favor. So much for that propaganda that's shoved down our throats our whole lives.

I manage to get upstairs without tripping or knocking anything over. I guess the alcohol is starting to wear off a bit. The last time I got drunk with Willow and walked home, I broke a table lamp, the end table it was sitting on, the refrigerator door handle, the bathroom sink handles, and I made so much noise that I woke everyone up. Faith was really pissed that night. I told her it isn't like we can't afford to replace these things. Between the profit we make from her shop, and my studio, and the money that Giles has helped us out with along the way, we're set as long as we're smart about our finances. We can afford a little wiggle room.

She just rolled her eyes and told me that wasn't the point. She said something like, "If you wanna fuck yourself up, B, go ahead, just keep it away from our kids." It's not like they've never been around us when we drink. We think it's important for them to be around adults who are drinking so they learn how to do it responsibly. That's why we never try to hide the alcohol when we have people over for dinner, or barbecues when the entire block is invited. So I came home late and accidentally broke a couple of things, so what? It's not like they haven't seen us acting like total dorks before after we've had a couple drinks.

When I open my bedroom door, I tiptoe into the room. Faith is in bed, and it looks like she's sleeping, and I know if I wake her up there will be figurative hell to pay. She'll probably make me sleep on the couch. I kinda don't mind sleeping on the couch because it's the closest to camping that I'm ever going to get, but I really don't want to have to walk down all those stairs. Walking up was ok, but walking down? I'm not too proud to admit that I'd probably fall because I'm exhausted, and alcohol always makes the stairs look bendy and weird so I don't know what's the real step, and what's air but looks like the step.

I take off my shoes, and jeans as quietly as I can. I'm as quiet as a ninja and she's never going to know I was even in here until she wakes up and sees me laying next to her. I fold up my jeans and throw them over the hamper. I accidentally spilled some wine on them, and I'm going to need to use some cleaner on them to get the stain out. If I can't get the stain out then it won't be that big of a deal. Those jeans aren't my favorite and they make my butt look weird, but I didn't feel like doing laundry yesterday so they were my only option because I wasn't about to wear sweats over to Willow's. There's just something a little too tacky about that, and even though I don't mind when other people wear them out, I just can't bring myself to do it.

Anyway, I very carefully slide under the covers, and keep an eye on Faith. I'm a ninja, I'm just a ghost in the atmosphere, and she'll never know that I'm sneaking into bed. I guess thinking that way works because I'm completely snuggled in under my covers, and my pillow feels like a cloud that was pulled out of heaven and made just for me, and I feel so freaking tired I might just sleep for the next five days. That sounds wonderful; just lying here with the warm sun soaking into my skin as I sleep, and Faith deals with the kids, and when I wake up I'll be completely refreshed. I'll be so well rested that I'll be able to figure out how I'm supposed to navigate through a world where my father figure doesn't exist anymore.

"B, it's three forty-five in the morning, could you be quiet?" I hear Faith say, and her voice sounds huskier than normal. It almost sounds like she has gravel in her throat or something. I guess she was asleep and I did wake her up. So much for being ninja quiet. What the hell happened to my slayer powers? Did someone take them from me again? Because I think I might go crazy if something like that happens again. Like that time I thought I was crazy and wasn't really a slayer.

Anyway, I feel her move next to me. I'm lying on my back trying to wipe the tears out of my eyes, and I can see her moving out of the corner of my eye. She rolls over so she's facing me, and she freezes as soon as she sees my face. Is it really that bad? It's just tears, it's not like my face is all puffy and blotching from sobbing. Now that would be gross. I try to turn away from her, to roll over onto my side and face the wall because I don't want her looking at me if she's going to judge me like that. It's not like she never cries. Over the years Faith has let out her inner softy instead of repressing it, and she cries all the freaking time now. Yesterday she cried because of a diaper commercial.

"B, what's wrong?" she asks, and her voice still has that sleepy quality to it that's equal parts sexy and adorable. I try to roll over, but before I can she puts her hand on my shoulder. She doesn't push down, it's like not like she's holding me to the bed and not letting me move. She's just softly resting her hand on me, and for some reason it feels like the heaviest weight on the planet. I've literally lifted cars off the ground, but this somehow feels heavier. "Babe, why are you crying?" Now she sounds fully awake, and she's going to be so cranky, and tired tomorrow and it's all my fault.

"Nothing," I say, and my voice sounds really messed up. When did it get so hard to breathe? I try to take in a breath, but it feels like a brick house has been placed on my chest and I can't take in a breath. When I exhale it sounds really ugly, and weird, and it just makes me cry harder. "Nothing's wrong." I don't even know how I get those words out since my throat feels like it's being squeezed. "Go back to sleep, baby. I'm sorry I woke you." I don't know if she can actually understand me or not because my breathing is so messed up that I can barely understand me right now. She doesn't go back to sleep, though. She scoots closer, and moves her hand off my shoulder. She slides it across my stomach, and snuggles up to me.

"It's ok, B," she whispers, and her lips are so close that I can feel them brush against the shell of my ear. The feel of her hot breath against my skin sends a shiver down my spine, and goose bumps erupt on my skin. I don't know if she thinks I'm cold, or if she just wants to be close, but after I shiver she holds me tighter, and rests her head on my shoulder. I wipe away some more tears, but it doesn't do any good. They're immediately replaced with more, and I feel like my face has turned into Niagara Falls. "We'll get through it, babe. You're not alone." I know I'm not alone, I have Willow and Xander. I don't say that, though, because Faith has been mad enough about it already and she's being super sweet right now.

I give up trying to get my eyes to stop leaking tears, and I cling onto her. I turn into her, bury my face under her chin, and cry into her neck. I feel so safe with her like this. I can smell everything: her shampoo, her conditioner, a hint of her perfume, the laundry detergent she buys just for her clothes, and that unique mix of things that's just Faith. I absolutely love her smell, and I hope I never live to see the day where I don't get to have it in my life every day. I need her, I need her now more than ever, and why have I been such a fucking idiot? Why didn't I see that she was right here all along?

"I'm sorry," I gasp out in between sobs. She's rubbing my back now, her arms wrapped around me in a hug so strong that if I weren't a slayer she'd be breaking bones. "I'm so, so sorry." She quietly shushes me, the same way we both do when one of our kids are upset and we're trying to get them to calm down. I want to tell her not to patronize me, to not treat me like a child because even though I'm drunk and crying and acting like an ass, I'm still her wife and she should at the very least respect me. I want to, but I can't. I can't because being this close with her after so much distance between us feels too good, and her smell is so calming, and even those stupid noises are helping me relax. Why does Faith understand me so well? I get that we've been together for a very long time, but it still seems so odd that another person knows what I need most of the time before I even know what I need.

"You don't gotta be sorry, B. You're goin through hell right now, I get it," she says, and I want to snap at her. She doesn't get it. Her dad is still alive. She sees him every day at work. He was over here yesterday with Grace, and he helped Faith cook some meal that I guess is a tradition in his family and I wasn't allowed to help because I'm not allowed to know any of the secret ingredients. I think he was just joking when he said it, and he just wanted some alone time with Faith since business at the shop has been so good lately, so they don't get to spend a lot of quality time. But that's just it, I'm never going to get to spend quality time with Giles ever again.

"When my dad was sentenced, I never thought I was going to see him again. I thought he was going to die in prison 'cause that happened to a few kids on my block," she says, and something inside me goes cold. I can't believe I forgot about all of that. Christopher has been such a part of our lives these last few years since he contacted Faith that it's really hard to remember a time when he wasn't a part of our family. "It'll get better, babe. I know that's not helpful to hear now, but it'll get better. I promise." I cling to her as I continue to sob. I wish she was right. I wish I could believe that it will get better because right now everything is like this bottomless pit, and no matter how hard I try to dig myself out of it, I just keep slipping further. "I got you, B, just let it out." That's the last thing I hear before the exhaustion and the alcohol cause me to slip into sleep.

FPOV

I let out a big ass yawn as I walk down the stairs. I make sure to slow down a bit so I don't fall and die. How stupid would that be? I survive how many apocalypses, demon attacks, patrols, and all of the bullshit life has thrown at me, and I die from a fall down the stairs? That's like the pussiest way for a slayer to go out. That can't just be me, ask anyone who knows what a slayer is and if you ask, "What's the dumbest way for a slayer to die?" and I'm sure they'll say, "Falling down the stairs". Or maybe choking to death. That one would be pretty bad too.

God, why am I thinking about all of this shit? Probably because the sun is just starting to come up, so my house is filled with that weird gray dawn light, and I've been awake since three thirty in the morning. That's when Buffy stumbled home last night after getting completely shit faced with Red. They've been doing that a lot lately, and it's really starting to piss me off. Ever since Giles died the two of them have been spending almost every day together. It wouldn't bug me if B was sober enough most of the time to help me out around the house, but it's like Giles died and Buffy's the one that turned into a ghost. She's hardly around, and when she is she might as well not be here at all.

I know I should go easy on her. Giles died, and that's fucking rough. She's dealing with grieving for him, feeling guilty because we never really made much of an effort to visit him more often, and if it's two things Buffy doesn't really know how to handle it's grief and guilt. Ever since the days of Sunnydale she's been horrible at expressing those feelings, so instead she's been drinking with Willow, or hanging out with Willow, or sleeping off a hangover. I would be able to understand it, and not get so pissed off if she wasn't freezing me out at the same time. One night when she was drunk off her ass I confronted her about it, and she said it's because I don't know what it's like; my dad is still alive, and still in my life, and so I don't know what she's going through, but Red does.

I would never hit Buffy, well not anymore, but I wanted to fuckin slap her for saying that to me. It's like she didn't remember all of the shit I went through trying to deal with the fact that I'd probably never find out what happened to my dad, and having to be ok with that. At least she knows what happened to Giles. Giles got sick, and Giles died. It's fucked up, and I'm so far from ok it's going to take a long ass time before I even start to feel normal again, but I'm still here for my kids, I'm still taking care of the house when I can, and I haven't completely forgotten about everyone in my life the way she's forgotten. It's really fucking sad when your eight year old has to ask if his mommy is sick or not, and shouldn't we take her to the doctor just to make sure? He doesn't understand any of this, and it breaks my heart whenever he wants to talk to her about something, or play a game with her, or just spend time with her, but she's at Aunt Willow's, and I don't know when she's coming back.

But I think things are finally starting to change around here. When Buffy got home last night I was ready to snap and start screaming at her because she's driving this family into the fucking ground. When I heard that she was crying I was pretty shocked. She hasn't cried since we got back from Cleveland. She hasn't admitted that what she's been doing is fucked up and wrong, but last night she apologized. I'm taking it with a grain of salt because she was drunk when she said it, and God knows I've made plenty of apologies and promises while drunk that I didn't care about or sometimes didn't even remember, but I'm holding out a little bit of hope. Even if it seem naive and stupid, I have to hold out hope right now, because the only other option is giving her an ultimatum: she either gets her shit together and deals with her feelings, or she packs a bag and leaves until she's ready.

I know that seems really harsh, but I'm not going to let our kids watch one of their mothers destroy herself right in front of their eyes. They don't need to see that, and if you haven't been paying attention I would do anything to protect my kids, even from Buffy. I know she would do the exact same thing. Hell, she did the same thing when my drinking was starting to get too bad. I wasn't ready to grow up yet, wasn't ready to deal with a colicky baby at home, and a girlfriend who was stressed out all the time and trying to recover from giving birth, and I just needed to get away for a few hours and drink. That night when I came home completely wasted and threw that glass while she was yelling at me that I needed to get my shit together, and Mattie got cut, I thought I was going to die from the shame and the guilt.

Anyway, the point of all this internal ramblin is: I think last night was a turning point, and Buffy is either going to start getting better or she's going to get so much worse. It can really go either way, and I'm hoping for the best while planning for the worst. That's something I've picked up from B over the years. I never used to plan shit, always just reacted to what was in front of me like an animal, but now I'm older and wiser, and living with her has done so much fucking good that I don't even think I could explain it all if I had another lifetime to do it. That's what B does to people: she gets under your skin, and she sets up camp, and suddenly you feel like you need to do better, to be better just to get on the same level as her.

But enough with the heavy thinking bullshit at five thirty in the morning. I really need some coffee, and maybe some food. I held B while she cried, and rubbed her back, and tried to say things that I thought would calm her down, but I think she just needed to get it all out, you know? I held for her a while after she finally passed out, and I cried for a while too 'cause it's the closest I've felt to her in like four months, and it felt like such a fuckin relief. As soon as we got home from Giles' funeral she started pushing me away. The only time she's ever really wanted anything to do with me is when she's drunk, and crawls into bed, and starts rubbing my side and kissing the back and side of my neck. I've turned her down every time, though. I just couldn't bring myself to have sex with her when things are so messed up between us. Hopefully after today things will change, though.

I walk into the kitchen, rubbin my eyes and yawning again, and I stop dead in my tracks in the doorway. Mattie is sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal, drinking some orange juice, and reading something on his tablet. Why the fuck is he up so early? This kid normally sleeps in until noon, and that's no exaggeration. He spends all night texting his girlfriend, and he sleeps in until at least noon, sometimes he doesn't roll out of bed until one or two in the afternoon. But now he's up at five thirty in the morning, looks like he's been up for a while, and just sitting at the table eating breakfast. What the hell is going on with this family? Why can't things just go back to the way they were?

"Hey," I manage to get out after I yawn. Man, my throat feels really fucked up. I haven't had a cigarette in a couple of years, but it sounds like I've been smoking two packs a day. My body so isn't used to pulling all-nighters anymore, and I feel like such a pussy right now. "How come you're up so early?" I walk into the kitchen and head straight for the coffee maker. I'm honestly surprised I was able to get that much out that much before getting some coffee in my veins. I swear, with how much of this stuff I drink I might as well be saying "there's too much blood in my coffee stream". As soon as I get the grounds in the filter and the water poured and all that shit, I turn around and lean against the counter. It's a little chilly this morning so I cross my arms over my chest to try and warm up a little bit.

"Couldn't sleep," he says around a bite of his cereal. I scrolls down a little on the tablet, and it's bugging me a little that he won't look up at me. I stand up on my tiptoes and crane my neck a little so I can get a look at the screen. Why the fuck is he reading about world politics at five thirty in the goddamn morning? That should be a crime or something, especially for a teenage boy. Don't get me wrong, I love that he's interested in the world beyond high school and video games and girls, but reading about all of the crazy shit going on in the world first thing in the morning can't be good for your brain.

"Were you up late talking with Brooke?" I ask, and grab my favorite mug out of the cupboard. Now normally when a parent asks shit like that, they're trying to trap their kid into telling the truth so they can lecture them about being responsible and how their growing bodies need sleep, and maybe even how the girl or guy they're talking to isn't worth the time. But I'm not that kind of parent. I'm glad Mattie's found someone he connects with like this. It's not like any of the girls at his school knows that he's a slayer, and what that really means. Brooke has had it rough, she's seen plenty of demons in her short life, and not just the monsters that go bump in the night. They're good for each other, even if they think they're being so fucking sneaky. I know they've had sex, it's so freaking obvious.

"No," he says and that surprises me. They talk to each other all the time, and we've made the deal that as long as he stops ditching school to be with her, and his grades don't drop below B's than he can talk with her as much as he wants. We've made it very clear that he has to go to college after her graduate, but I'm not worrying about him getting into an Ivy League like Buffy is. Red told me all of the shit he'd have to do just to be considered, and it isn't just good grades, and being in a bunch of after school activities. He'd have to really go above and beyond to prove that he's worthy, and while that sounds like it's character building and all that shit, I want my boy to have a life outside of school.

"So are we playing twenty questions now or do you wanna just tell me why my teenager is up at the ass crack of dawn when he normally doesn't get up 'til high noon?" I ask and now I sound grumpy. I would apologize except I'm not all that sorry. He knows I hate it when he's vague and with all the bullshit that's been happening around here lately, I really don't have the fuckin patience to deal with his vagueness. He lets out a sigh, and takes a big gulp of orange juice, but he doesn't look up from the tablet. So whatever it is isn't a good thing 'cause he only avoids looking at me when it's something he really doesn't want to talk about.

"I heard Mom come home last night," he says, and then takes an extra large bite of his cereal. This kid totally takes after me sometimes. Eating my food like an animal is something I do when I want to avoid a conversation. I can't participate if my mouth is too full to talk, and that's exactly what he's doing. I can't blame him, though. He's old enough to understand some of what's been going on, and I know kids pick up on a lot of shit that adults don't give them credit for, so it's probably more than I wanna admit. He's been really broody lately, and the only time I've ever seen him smile in the last three months is when he's talking with Brooke. I know exactly how fucked up it feels when you can see your parents' marriage falling apart. God, I hope that isn't what's happening right now.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," I say, and take in a huge breath when the smell of coffee starts wafting through the air. Since when the fuck do I say "wafting"? God, I really need to stop spending so much time with Dawn, and Xander and Lily 'cause I don't know which of them I got that from, but it's annoying as hell. "I don't want to make you sound stupid, or treat you like a kid, but you don't understand what Giles meant to your mom. After her mom died, he was the closest thing she had to a parent, and she feels awful that we never went out there enough to visit him. I even think she blames herself for not convincing him to actually retire when he said he was going to." I rub the rest of the sleep out of my eyes 'cause if I don't take a pause I might start crying again.

"But I think she's starting to get better," I tell him, and he finally looks up at me. He's giving me a look that is one hundred percent Buffy. It's the look she always gives me when I say something that sounds crazy to her, and like there's something a little wrong with me for even thinking it. I wanna reach out and smack the look right off his face, but I can't really blame him for being skeptical. "Don't look at me like that. I'm leveling with you, but I'm still your mother." God, what an asshole. Are all teenagers like that or is it just mine? "I think she's finally ready to start dealing with all this crap instead of just shoving it away. I was the queen of doing that when I was younger, trust me, I know what it looks like when someone's ready to start dealing."

I can tell he wants to say something. I can tell just by the look in his eyes that it isn't going to be a happy something. I just have to wait him out until he's ready to tell me whatever it is that's running through his mind. If I ask before he's ready, he'll just clam up, go back to reading his tablet, and then when he's done eating he'll avoid me for the rest of the day. I know my kid better than he thinks I do, and that's what he does whenever he feels like someone's pushing him to talk. It's also exactly what I used to do when people would push me to talk except I wasn't as nice about it as him. So instead of asking, I pour myself a cup of coffee, add the right amount of sugar, and close my eyes ask I bask in the silence, and feel my body warming up from the inside. I haven't had sex in four months, so this might as well be an orgasm in a cup.

"What happens if she isn't ready?" he asks, and I keep my eyes closed for a few seconds. I really don't want to deal with that question right now. "What if she's never ready to deal with it?" I especially don't want to deal with _that_ question. Man, is this the kind of shit that's been running through his brain the last couple months? Where the fuck have I been? Why haven't I been talking to them about this and letting them know that no matter happens between their mom and me they're going to be ok? This is one of those moments as a parent where you feel like an asshole. I was so caught up trying to keep the house from falling apart, and so busy being pissed off at Buffy that I didn't even realize they were probably hurting beyond just seeing their mom being a mess most of the time.

I put my cup down on the counter, and walk over to him. As soon as I'm about two feet away from him he breaks eye contact, and looks down at the ground. I guess he feels ashamed asking. I know I would. It's not one of those things that people like to talk about, and Mattie has a hard time bringing up sensitive topics with us because he's so afraid he's going to hurt our feelings. It's something we've worked with him on, and he's getting better at it. The fact that he was able to ask just shows how far he's come. I pull the chair out a little, and his eyes snap to me, and he looks totally confused. I sit down on his thigh, and wrap my arms around him, and pull him close to me. He's taller than I am now, so having him stand up to hug him would have been a little awkward. I hate that he isn't my little boy anymore. I used to be able to just pick him up and carry him around whenever I wanted. I mean, I still could do it since I'm a slayer, but it would be so weird.

"Everything is going to work out, ok?" I tell him, and gently rub his back. It only takes him about five seconds to relax and wrap his arms around my back. My kids have never been shy about receiving or asking for affection. After my dad was arrested and went to prison I never fucking got it at all from my mom. The only time anyone ever touched me with any kind of care is when I was fucking them. That kinda shit makes you feel so isolated and alone, and I never wanted my kids to feel like that. "Even if she needs to go away somewhere to get some professional help, things are going to be ok. We're not going to just give up on her, alright?" I feel him nod against me, and it doesn't take long for lava hot tears to fall against my shoulder.

"It's ok, Mattie, just let it out, ok?" I whisper, and rub his back some more. He chokes out a sob, and from the sound of it he was trying really hard to hold it back. I never wanted my kids to turn out like me in that regard. I always wanted them to be able to express and explain their emotions freely instead of just bottling them all up. But I was still doing that shit when he was younger, and kids learn that kind of stuff from their parents. It's where I learned it, and it fucked me up for the longest time. At least I'm trying to help him get over it. It's more than my mom ever did for me. "That's right, sweetheart, just let it all out." I don't know if it was hearing it again, or the little term of endearment, but he finally breaks.

He starts sobbing really hard against me, and all I can do is hold on, and help him through it. I keep rubbing his back, but I stop talking. I know when I need to cry and just let it all out like this if someone keeps talking to me I get a little annoyed. It only lasts for a few minutes, though, and then I feel him start taking some really deep breaths to calm down. I kinda wish he would have cried a little longer, to really let loose, but maybe that's all he has to give? Maybe he's just too tired to really let himself feel everything? Or maybe that was all he needed, and I need to stop worrying. That's probably it. I don't think I'm one of those people that worries too much about their kids, and like obsesses over them or anything, but the fact that he's been thinking about this kinda stuff is not ok. I really need to talk to Buffy today, and really make her understand the kinda damage all this shit has caused.

"You feel better now?" I ask, and he just nods. I pull back just enough to leave a kiss on his forehead. I smooth out his hair a little, and he sniffles and wipes the tears from his eyes. They're puffy and red, just like his cheeks, and all I want to do is wrap him up in my arms and keep him safe until all of this shit goes away. But that isn't possible, and that wouldn't help anyway. God, I need to get out of this house for a while. I feel like I'm trapped here with all this toxic bullshit, and it's starting to drive me crazy. Well, not literally, not like I used to be. You know what I fucking mean, right? So I leave one more kiss on his forehead, and walk back over to the counter and take a long pull from my mug.

"Why don't you go wash your face, and then get your brother and sister up, and make sure they get dressed? Maybe even pack a bag of extra clothes just in case they get dirty, ok?" I tell him, and he rubs his eyes a little, but he doesn't say anything. "And grab the dogs too. Might as well take them with us." Now he looks curious. He doesn't say anything, though, and I appreciate it. I really don't want to be questioned right now. I just want to get out of here. He gets up and leaves the room, and I don't have the energy or the will to clean up his dishes. So when I finish my coffee I just put everything in the sink the way it is, and open up the fridge. We don't have much, nothing that we can take with us, which means we're going to have to stop at the store and buy some things.

If we're going to spend the day out hiking and shit then we're going to need light stuff we can carry in a bag, and lots of water. I really don't feel like spending the day in the desert, so we're going to go to the magical forest that people around here don't seem to give too much thought. I mean, we live in a fucking desert and there's a forest with pine trees, and oak trees, and god knows what other kinds of trees, and shrubs and shit. That isn't weird to anyone else? These people are just as bad as the ones in Sunnydale; they can't explain it so they just shove it to the backs of their minds. I'll never understand how people can be so fuckin blind, but I guess it helps. I mean, if I didn't have super powers, and knew there was a forest full of mythological creatures and shit on the outskirts of town I'd probably move and never come back.

I head upstairs to get ready, and I can hear Mattie trying to get Addy out of bed. I kinda feel bad for him because that's not going to be easy, but I can help him in a bit. Right now I need to get some clothes on, put my hair up, grab some old backpacks to put the food and water in, the little travel size first aid kit, and some bowls for the dogs in case they get thirsty. When I step in my room, and shut the door, I can't help but stop and stare. The light is shining down on the bed like a freakin spotlight, and even though she's clearly hung over, and her face is all puffy from crying so much last night, Buffy looks so fucking beautiful. I think it's because this is the first time in so long I've seen her look relaxed. She looks so peaceful, and I almost don't want to leave her behind. But she needs to sleep off her hangover, and feel better before I sit down to have that talk with her or it'll go nowhere fast.

Instead of waking her up, I scribble out a note letting her know where we're going, and just tell her that the kids need a break from being inside. I don't want to make her feel guilty by saying the real reason because that won't fucking help anything. I'll tell her when we sit down to talk, but I'm not going to leave some passive aggressive note for her to wake up to. That's just fucking stupid. Even if my feelings are hurt, and the kids are stressed out, and Mattie thinks we're on our way to getting a divorce, I can't attack her and make her feel bad just because I can. She's still Buffy, and I still love her. God, I'm still in love with her after being together for so fucking long. How is that even possible? After I throw my clothes on, and lace up my shoes, I leave a small kiss on her super dry lips, and for the first time in a very long time I feel like everything is going to be ok.

BPOV

When I wake up for the second time today, my head is pounding. I woke up...God knows how many hours ago, and that's the sickest I've felt from a hangover in a very long time. I managed to make it to the bathroom in time before my body threw up everything still in my stomach. It was so intense that I think I might have left my body for a moment and been floating in the ether while I puked, and then dry heaved for what felt like three hours, but in hindsight it was probably only fifteen minutes or something like that. The point is: I'm more hung over now then I have been since my twenties and I hate to admit it, but I don't think my body is young enough to deal with this, and the pounding in my head feels like its way of punishing me for it.

What also surprised me is when I woke up Faith wasn't there. I know it was like noon when I finally left the bathroom so I wasn't expecting her to still be in bed, but she wasn't anywhere in the house. The kids were gone too, which really freaked me out because even through the pain my mom-worry kicked in, immediately followed by my slayer instincts, and I freaked out that maybe a demon had kidnapped them or they were sucked through some type of portal. Then I wondered what I would be worrying about if I wasn't a slayer.

But then I found the note on the dresser. The note that says that Faith took the kids, and the dogs, and they're going for a hike in the woods, and she'll check in, and not to worry. So it isn't a slayer problem that made my family disappear; it's a normal person problem that made her run off for at least a little while. I almost wish it were a slayer problem because at least with those I know what to do, and I'm in my element completely. This is messy, and a big gray area, and I'm the one who created the problem, and now I have to deal with it.

This is one of those times where I wish my mom was still alive. I would be able to call her, and tell her about all my problems, and she'd be soothing for a while. Then she'd tell me how selfish I've been acting the last couple of months, and I need to pull my head out of my ass, suck it up, and apologize. I need to apologize to Faith for being a shitty wife, apologize to my kids for being a bad mother, apologize to Willow and Sky for dragging them into my baggage, and apologize to Dawn for being an absentee sister, again.

It wasn't until this morning when I woke up completely alone without even my dog to lean on for emotional support that I realized all of these things. God, why did it take me so long to see it? I've had my head in the sand since we got back from Cleveland, and I feel like such an asshole. My knee jerk reaction was to blame some of it on Faith for not telling me how bad it was getting, but that wouldn't be fair. I remember a couple of times where she's tried to bring it up, and I just brushed her off. I can't even imagine how she must be feeling. Well, actually I can. Faith had a pretty bad drinking problem that she's struggled with for years, so I know exactly how she's probably feeling.

I can't believe that in about four months I've turned into a drunk. I also can't believe how shitty I feel right now. It isn't just my pounding head, no, that would be too simple. It also feels like every organ in my body is trying to burrow its way out with broken sporks, to try and find a place that is hydrated and doesn't baste them in alcohol every night. My mouth also feels like a fox or coyote killed something and buried the leftovers in it for safe keeping. I'm sure my breath is bad enough to light a fire if I breathed on a match or something.

Even though I ache all over and feel like crap, I still force myself to get up and head back into the bathroom. I go out of my way not to look in the mirror. If I feel this bad then I probably look even worse. I know it's going to sound stupid, but I don't think I could handle that right now. Not after everything that happened last night and how weak I feel right now, not just physically but emotionally. I feel completely drained, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I honestly think that's the best thing for me. Everything is finally out of my system and now I can work on putting the pieces of my scattered life back together, and hopefully my family will still be with me when I'm finished. After everything I've put them through the last couple of months I honestly don't know if they'll trust me or not. How can I convince my kids that I'm ready to be there for them again when all I've done is ignored them, and spent as much time away from this house as I could? How can I convince Faith that I'm ready to be her partner again instead of the ghost of the wife she's been living with?

I won't be able to use words. I can say I'm sorry until I'm blue in the face, but until they see that I'm ready to get things back to normal they're never going to believe me, and they shouldn't. I can't ask them to just blindly trust me, especially the kids. Maybe I can take them out to dinner, just the three of them, and explain to them why I haven't been around. I can tell them that I'm ready to be a good mom again, and I'm ready to deal with my emotions instead of just numbing them with alcohol. After that, it's going to take a lot of work to prove that I mean what I say, but it'll be worth it. If they're happy and healthy and trust that I'm there for them then the work will always be worth it.

I finish brushing my teeth, and I use the mouth wash at least three times. I still feel disgusting but at least now I can't physically feel the germs colonizing on my teeth anymore, which is not something I thought I'd ever be able to say. Again without looking into the mirror, I get my face wet and apply some of this amazing facial scrub Willow made herself. I kind of made fun of her a little for it because all of the ingredients are organic, and making your own organic face cleanser seemed really strange to me. But my pores have never looked so small, and my wrinkles are less noticeable so I stopped teasing her about it.

After I let it sit for a couple of minutes and then gently rinse it off my face I do feel better. When I hear the front door open, however, my heart begins to beat so fast it almost feels like it's trying to escape my chest. Why do I feel so nervous to be around my own wife and kids? I've been with Faith for what feels like all my life, and two of those children grew inside of me, and the third I've loved from the moment I found out Faith was pregnant, so I shouldn't have any reason to be this nervous. But my body doesn't seem to think so because now my hands are shaking, and I'm starting to sweat a little. I hope Faith doesn't think I'm still that sick from the hang over or this might not go well for me at all.

I grab one of the hair ties out of the little bowl on the sink, and throw my hair up in a ponytail. That's about as good as I'm going to get it right now. I don't even want to know how red and puffy my eyes are. The rest of my face might not be looking too good either, even after washing off. Not just because of the alcohol, but crying like that for as long as I did last night definitely isn't helping my appearance this morning. But none of that matters right now, at least not really. Faith might think that the shakiness, and the potential redness, and the little bit of sweating is from the hangover, but I know that it's because I'm afraid of facing all of them when I realize how much of an asshole I've been. She'll believe me when I tell her that's how I feel. Faith has never doubted me about stuff like this before and there's no reason why she would now.

I take in a deep breath, and hold it for a few seconds. This usually helps when I'm feeling nervous but I don't think it's going to work. I really need to start doing yoga again. I make my way down the stairs slowly. A little because I'm nervous, but mostly because my head is still pounding, and for some reason walking down the stairs is making it hurt worse. I can see Faith putting down a bunch of bags; the duffle bag we keep in our closet, some old backpacks of the kids, and I think those are plastic grocery bags. I can hear the kids talking and laughing in the living room, and I have no idea where the dogs are. Faith looks pretty tired, but she also looks happy, and relaxed. I think that's the most relaxed I've seen her since Giles passed away. She sweaty, her hair is in a messy ponytail, she isn't wearing any makeup, and she's in a tank top, and running shorts, but to me she's the most beautiful creature on the planet. I can't believe I almost destroyed everything we have together because I was too afraid to face my feelings head on.

"Hey, sweetie," I say as I walk down the last step. She looks up from the duffle bag she was sorting through, and she gets a small smile on her face. She doesn't say anything, though, which is a little weird, but I'm not going to hold it against her. I feel freer than I have in a very long time, and I don't want this good feeling to go away. She starts looking through the bag again, and I just stand back and watch. My head is killing me; it's too bright down here. Remind me why we had to get a house that has so much natural sunlight? It seemed like an amazing idea at the time, but my hangover feels like a jack hammer just pounding away at my skull. I guess that's what I get for drinking so much last night.

"Head hurting pretty bad, B?" Faith asks as she stands up, and all I can do at this point is nod. She shakes her head a little bit, but that smile is still on her face so I know she isn't judging me too harshly. She's holding a water bottle, and a small bottle of aspirin and if we weren't already married I would so propose to her right now. Hell, maybe I'll ask her to renew our vows because this is seriously the nicest thing she's ever done for me. Ok, so maybe it isn't, but right now it feels like it. She hands me two pills and the water and I down them as fast as I can. I'm sure we have some of this in the medicine cabinet of our bathroom so why I didn't think to take some is beyond me. I must be too hung over to think properly.

"How was your hike?" I ask and watch as she tosses the bottle of aspirin back in the duffle bag. I glance down at it, and smile a little bit. There's a travel sized first aid kit in there and I kind of can't believe she actually took it. Faith likes to go for hikes and runs in those woods, the ones that are able to stay alive because of all the mystical and magical energy in the area. That means there are all sorts of creatures living in them and it isn't the safest place to go, but I don't get onto her too much about it. She used to go hiking when we lived in Northern California, and there are bears and mountain lions and packs of feral dogs in the woods there and those are just as dangerous as some of the creatures they might have run into.

"It was fun. The kids and the dogs decided to have a race to see who could get to the lake first, and Joey fell pretty hard. Skinned up his knee pretty bad, but there's no broken bones or anything." Since she's saying it with a smile on her face I'm going to take that as a sign that he's ok, and the damage wasn't too severe. She goes to bend down again, probably to pick up the bags to take them back upstairs, but before she can I reach out and grab onto her arm. She freezes, and lets me turn her until she's facing me completely.

I want to tell her everything I planned on telling her. I want to say how sorry I am, and how I'm going to work as hard as I can to get better so that I can be the wife she needs me to be. I want to say that, but I just can't force the words out right now. I know that if I bring it up, this feeling that I have is going to go away. A tension is going to settle between us, and I don't want that. So, instead of saying anything, I step forward until I'm in her space and I wrap my arms around her back. I take another step, and now I'm pressed against her completely. My hands are resting on her shoulder blades, and I toy with the ends of her hair. I wish it were out of its ponytail so I could run my fingers through it, but I really don't want to move now that my head is resting on her shoulder, and I'm breathing in her scent. It's calming, and it actually makes my headache ease a bit, and settles my restless stomach.

She doesn't hesitate to hug me back. At first her grip is so tight I feel like she might break a rib or two, but she eases up. I feel her nose against my hair, and she breathes in a deep breath. She seems to purr, and I can't help but giggle a little bit. I'm sure she's feeling a little like I am right now. I feel like I've been deprived of her touch, and I'm just realizing exactly how much. Now that we're wrapped in each other's arms, I don't ever want to let her go as dumb and teenage-drama-queen as that sounds. But it does feel like a relief. I can feel all of my muscles relax, and all of that nervousness I had earlier about seeing them is gone. It's hard to explain exactly what it feels like other than a warmth that grows heavy in my chest, and spreads throughout the rest of my body.

"I missed you today," she whispers, her breath is hot and humid against my ear and neck. There's something in her voice that brings tears to my eyes. She doesn't sound like she meant just today. It sounds like she means she's missed me since I started to get distant. I squeeze her a little tighter and sniffle. I feel her ease up a bit, like she's going to let me go so she can look at my face. I don't want to let her go, but I know I need to. I can hear the kids in the other room and they're getting restless. Addison and Joseph are starting to fight, and God knows where Matthew is. I haven't heard him at all, and I know he didn't go upstairs.

"You ok, sweetie?" she asks, and she sounds so concerned. I nod my head a little against her shoulder, and give her a kiss on the neck. I let my nose rub against the spot right behind her ear and it causes the last of the tension to melt out of my body. That's where her scent is the strongest, and that's where all of her scents mingle. I can smell her shampoo and conditioner, the saltiness from her sweat and the little hint of musk from the smell that's uniquely her. She isn't wearing her perfume today, which I'm a little sad about. The smell of her perfume is so comforting for me that whenever she needs to leave for more than a night I'll steal her perfume and spray some of it on the bed so it'll still smell like her.

"Yeah, I'm alright," I tell her, and my voice sounds a little weak but not as bad as I thought it was going to sound. I pull back from her just enough to look into her eyes. She looks worried, but now that she can see me, see my face and that I really mean that I'm ok, I can see the concern drain from her face, and her eyes light up. I absolutely love her eyes when they get that look in them. It always looks like she's thinking about getting up to no good. She gives me a quick kiss, and we both keep our eyes open. Even though I'm hung over and feel like I could drop dead at any moment, kissing her seems to give me a little boost of energy, and I can't help but smile when she pulls away.

"You sure you're alright?" she asks with a little laugh as her eyes roam over my face. They have that twinkle in them that they always get when she's up to no good. "'Cause I'm not gonna lie, B, you look like death warmed over." I can't help but groan which makes her laugh more. I lean forward and press my forehead against her shoulder. To be honest I'm kind of glad she's making fun of me. If she were still tense and uncomfortable or angry with me then she wouldn't be teasing me like this. It feels like a huge barrier between us is being lifted, and now we can just go back to being Buffy and Faith. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I have hope that we can get back to normal. Well, as normal as the two of us can be.

"I swear, I'm never drinking again," I say, and I hear her laugh again. "It's so nice to see you finding amusement in my misery. I was never this mean when you were hung over." I can practically feel her roll her eyes, and it makes me smile. I know I'm acting like a little bit of a drama queen, and a brat, but she loves that about me. I may deny it until the day she dies but I see the way she'll smirk when she thinks I'm not looking after I say something bratty. When I lift my head off her shoulder, I get a little flash of her smile before she makes it vanish. I think she's afraid that if I know she thinks it's funny then I'll act this way more often. "You know, a good wife would offer to take care of me. Isn't that what we vowed to each other on our wedding day?" I stick out my bottom lip in a pout, and flutter my eyelashes a little. She chuckles low in her throat so it almost sounds like a rumble, and she rolls her eyes.

"Yeah I know," she says, and leans forward. I meet her halfway for a kiss, and it's just a soft and sweet as the last. I wish we could just spend the rest of the day wrapped up in each other kissing, but that just isn't possible. Maybe we're going to have to ask Dawn or Faith's dad to watch the kids for a couple of days so we can talk without any interruptions, and just reconnect. She pulls back, and when I open my eyes she has a little smirk on her face, and I just know she's up to no good. We've been together for almost twenty years now so now I know all of her looks. "But a good wife doesn't stay out until three in the morning getting wasted with her friends." She's smiling when she says it, so I know she's just trying to tease me about it, but I'm not ready to have a sense of humor about everything that's happened. I think she can tell just by the look on my face that I don't think it's funny because the smirk vanishes almost instantly.

"Sorry," she says, and I can tell she means it. "Guess that was kind of an asshole thing to say, huh?" I want to make her feel better, but I can't help but nod a little. I look down at her shirt because I'm too embarrassed to keep looking into her eyes. God, I've been such a mess. I can't believe I let things get so out of hand and thought that I was just trying to be closer with Willow. I guess that saying about the lies we tell ourselves are the most powerful lies we tell is actually true. "Why don't you go relax, and I'll make something for lunch, ok? The kids are going to be hungry soon, and some food might make you feel better." I nod again, and I'm trying to keep my breathing normal, but my chest feels so tight, like something is wrapping a belt around my ribs and pulling as tight as it can.

"It might. I haven't even tried eating anything," I say, and I wince when Addison yells at Joseph. She's telling him to stop touching her, and she sounds like she's on the verge of either breaking down and crying or punching him in the arm. Since we found out he isn't a slayer and therefore doesn't have any of the strength that the rest of us have. It's almost a constant worry that one day Addison's temper is going to get the best of her, and she's going to accidentally break some of his bones or damage an organ. I really wish someone would have told me that being a mom is a feeling of dread and fear that something bad is going to happen to one of your kids because then I would have been able to prepare a little. "You go make lunch, and I'll deal with the restless beasts." The look of relief that floods her eyes makes me smile a little, and I can't help but shake my head at her.

"You are," she says with a smile, and I can't help but laugh. I know exactly where this is going, and the playfulness in her right now is contagious in the best way possible. "The most." This time instead of smiling she kisses me, and I can't help but sink into her at the feel of it. I just want to melt into her skin, and disappear for the rest of the day. Then again, maybe I shouldn't think things like that. We're not on a hellmouth but the mystical energy of this town is enough to make thoughts like that come true in a very literal sense. But then she pulls back from the kiss, and just seeing how happy and relaxed she is makes that little bit of weirdness flee from my mind. "Amazing woman in the world. Have I ever told you that?" I leave a quick peck on her lips, and I think it's a little sad that this is the most we've kissed in the last two months.

"Our anniversary is coming up, and I'm going to remember you said that," I say, and we kiss one more time before we pull away from each other. She walks off into the kitchen, leaving the bags in the foyer, but I don't really care. Let them stay there for the rest of the day as long as I don't have to pick them up I couldn't care less right now. Instead of dwelling on the cold feeling that washes over me now that Faith's arms aren't wrapped around me, I head into the living room with the kids. As soon as they notice me they stop arguing about whatever it was they were fighting about. Since Joseph is gripping onto the remote for the TV so hard his knuckles are white I'm going to assume they were fighting about what to watch.

I sit down on the couch, and pull the throw blanket off the back of it, and cover up my legs. I feel like crap, and I'm tired, and my head still hurts really bad, and the light in this house is making my eyes sore in a way I never thought they could be, but none of that really matters right now. It doesn't matter because the thing that hurts the most is the way my kids are acting now that I'm in the room. They're just standing by the coffee table about seven feet away from me, and they don't know what to do. Addison actually looks nervous, and this tough little girl who tries to act like a big, bad slayer most of the time never gets nervous around me unless something bad is going on. Joseph is looking at her for guidance, and the longer she goes without saying anything or even moving, the tenser he's getting. Have I really been so unpredictable lately that my kids don't know how to behave around me?

"Do you want to sit with me and watch a movie or something?" I ask, and they both nod. They don't make a move, though, and the look in Addison's eyes is really breaking my heart. She may have Faith's nose and lips and hair, but those hazel orbs are all mine and they're capable of the same depth of emotion that people have always told me I can express with mine. Instead of saying anything, I just hold my hand out, and look down at the remote still clutched tightly in Joseph's hands. He steps forward, and it's then that I notice the bandage on his leg. Faith said he fell and skinned his knee, and my stomach twists with sympathy when I see it. His shin is also pretty scrapped up, and the bandage takes up his entire knee so either that was the only band-aid she had or it's than she was letting on.

"Did you guys have fun today? Mama said you went for a hike, and played in the lake," I say, and that seems to calm them down a little. Addison lets out the breath she was holding, and walks over to the couch. She's still being cautious, which is making me feel so shitty and like such a bad mom, but at least she's relaxing a little. Now that there's a neutral topic of conversation she doesn't seem as lost as she tells me everything they've done that day. I wait for her to sit down, her body on the very edge of the cushion before I reach out for her. I wrap my arms around her, and gently pull her towards me. I almost want to cry with relief when she curls up against my side, and rests her head on my shoulder as we watch Joseph flip through the movie channels for something to watch.

My baby girl doesn't hate me, she just didn't know what to say. She probably heard everything that happened last night when I was crying. I was drunk so it wasn't like I was worried about being quiet, and with her slayer hearing she probably heard every word, every sob, every breath that struggled its way in and out of my lungs. When Joseph curls up against my other side I let out a little sigh. There's absolutely nothing like cuddling with your kids to make you feel safe and calm, and I can't help but drift off as their touch and scent washes over my senses. I feel more at home right now than I have since Giles passed away, and now that I have this feeling again I know I'm going to do everything I can to hold onto it.

FPOV

Today has been totally different than the last couple of months and thank fucking God for that. Things have been so tense around here because of all the shit going on with B that this house felt more like a prison, and I would know. But today we've just been relaxing. I got the kids out of the house for a while, took them and the dogs for a hike in the woods. Man, it cracks me up the things that people will choose to ignore. There's a forest in the middle of the Nevada desert, with pine trees, and oak, and redwoods, and all kinds of shit. It's here because of all the mystical energy. I can't remember exactly why. Red tried to explain it to me once, but I wasn't really paying attention. Buffy was looking really good that day and all I could think about was pressing her up against a wall and sliding my hand under her skirt.

So today has been good. The little ones kept bitching at each other, but that's pretty normal. I think if they went one day without arguing at all it would be a sign of yet another apocalypse. But I can't really complain about anything. When we got home Buffy was awake. I was so afraid she was going to forget everything that had happened last night. I was terrified that she was going to go right back to being the borderline catatonic, totally alcoholic Buffy that replaced my wife and mother of my kids. I'm not trying to be hard on her or anything. She lost one of the most important people in her life, and I know she's feeling really fucking guilty for not being around once we moved to California and Giles stayed in Cleveland.

I'm keeping my hopes up that she's finally pulling herself out of the hole of grief she was stuck in. So far today has been good, but who knows what she's going to be like tomorrow or next week. I'm trying to stay positive about it, but it's kinda hard. Now I know how she must have felt when I had a drinking problem and mine lasted way fucking longer than hers. Plus we had a newborn to take care of, and we were first time parents so everything was terrifying. But let's focus on the good. She cuddled with the little ones while I made everyone something to eat. Lunch was actually really awesome. Joey and Addy didn't fight about anything and Matthew actually followed the 'no phones allowed at the table rule' so we got a little bit of conversation out of him. It was all about Brooke, but that's absolutely nothing new.

After lunch the kids wanted to just sit around and watch movies, and since B is still too hung over to really do anything else we told 'em that was ok. Addy and Joey just sat on the floor, though. I can tell Addy is still weary of her mom, which is really fucking sad but it's just going to take time for those wounds to heal. I'm not too worried about it, though, and I'm actually a little glad that the two were on the floor and Mattie sat in the recliner because I was able to spread my lazy ass out on the couch. When Buffy asked where she was supposed to sit I just laughed and pulled her down by her wrist. She laid on top of me, gave me a little kiss, and put her head down against my chest. Having her so close to me after what felt like being apart for years felt so fucking good. I can't even describe it.

During the first movie we kept sneaking in little kisses every now and then. If holding her felt indescribable than there just isn't a fucking word for what kissing her feels like, even though they were pretty chaste pecks. I had no idea how starved for affection I was until she lifted her head up, and planted a soft little kiss against my lips. I didn't kiss her back because I was completely caught off guard, but that didn't matter. Eventually the kisses became longer, and I could hear the blood roaring in my ears. I seriously felt like I was floating on thin air, and in the middle of one kiss I just starting smiling because it felt so fucking good. I'm not just talking about my body either. It's like her kisses were healing my soul. They were erasing all of the bad shit that's been festering inside of me since Giles died.

That's how we ended up like this. Once she snuck in a little tongue, I just couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't kiss her for a few seconds and then go back to pretending like we're watching a movie. Even though I really did want to spend some time together as a family, I just couldn't hold out. So I did the totally obvious thing that I'm sure the kids see right through and are probably downstairs right now totally embarrassed but I just don't give a shit. I sat up, carefully pushing B off me, and told the kids that we're going upstairs to take a nap. I threatened that if they come into our room if it isn't an emergency then they'll be going to bed without dinner or dessert. I wanted to pick Buffy up and throw her over my shoulder like a Goddamn caveman or something, but she's still hung over and I didn't want to risk upsetting her stomach.

"Is it weird that we always end up doing this?" she asks, and she has that cute smile on her face that kinda makes her nose crinkle a little. It also makes the laugh lines around her mouth and by her eyes more prominent, and I fucking love it. I never thought I would love wrinkles so damn much, but on her they're sexy a hell. I know it's going to sound corny or whatever, but they remind of everything we've been through. We're the oldest living slayers in history, we have a family, we have "normal problems" more than demon related problems these days, and every wrinkle and gray hair has been fuckin earned. And right now she looks so beautiful lying under the sheet with the late afternoon light shining in through the window, making her hair shine and she has this halo effect going on.

"End up doing what?" I say, and reach out. Our legs are tangled up under the sheet but I need to have my hands on her. Why did I fuckin take them off of her in the first place? I put my hand on her stomach and gently caress the smooth skin, use my fingertips to draw little patterns on the outlines of her abs. I honestly don't think she realizes how amazing she is, especially when her face is doing that thing. When she's so relaxed and at peace that her eyes seem to glow, and she looks like if she closed her eyes for just a second she would fall asleep because her body and mind are so at ease. She rubs my calf with her toes, and it sends a shiver up my whole body, and I get goose bumps. The smile that pulls at her lips is a sneaky one, like she knew that was going to happen.

"It just seems like, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing so don't freak out on me, but whenever we go through something really rough, we always reconnect with each other by having sex. Isn't that a little weird? I mean, shouldn't be do other types of coupley things too?" she says, and I can't help but smile a little. She just had three orgasms and she's complaining that we reconnect with sex? That isn't the right word for it, though. She isn't really whining about it or whatever. I guess it does seem a little weird that sex is like our band aid for shit. It's more than just makeup sex after a fight, everyone does that. When she had postpartum after having Joey we fucked like rabbits before we started talking shit out. I never really thought about it before, but it seems to be our pattern, and I have no problem with it whatsoever.

"Maybe it's 'cause we're slayers," I say and she rolls her eyes a little bit. She hates it when I blame shit on being a slayer. Most of the time I do use it as a cop out, like when I eat all the leftovers before she gets a chance to have any and blame it on my "slayer appetite" when really I just fucking love left over pizza. So I can't be mad at her for not taking me seriously. "I mean it this time. We've always been better at expressing our shit through physical things. We need to work out a problem we always beat the shit out of the punching bags for a while; we get pissed off about something at work, we find some vamps to vent on; we're finally back on the same page after weeks of being distant, we screw like rabbits. Just what we do, B."

"How very poetic," she says in that dry, sarcastic tone. I used to hate it's grown on me over the years. "Remind me to have that put on my tombstone." A little bit of tension coils up in my stomach. I fucking hate it whenever she makes jokes like that. I know it isn't her fault, it's something that anyone would say, but she's died how many fucking times? I hate being reminded of it, even in the smallest ways. I wanna tell her not to say things like that, that she's going to be around 'til the end of fuckin time, but I don't wanna bring the mood down. So instead I move my hand from her stomach to her ribs and tickle her a little. She squirms, and laughs, and tries to roll away, but I stop before she does. I wanted to get rid of the tension in my body, not drive her away from me.

"How long do you think we can stay up here before the apes get restless?" I ask and scoot closer to her until most of our bodies are touching. I feel like such a clingy chick for wanting to be so close when all we're doing is lying here, but I've needed this so bad. This connection, this feeling of having all my senses completely wrapped up in her; there's nothing better than this. She laughs a little and kisses me. Nothing long or deep, just a simple kiss that only lasts a few seconds, but I can feel it all the way in the bottoms of my toes. Have I fuckin mentioned how awesome it feels to kiss her? Because it's pretty damn amazing.

"I have no idea. We should probably get back downstairs, though," she says, and kisses me again, but this time on my cheek. I guess that's her way of trying to smooth things over. It isn't going to work, though, 'cause I don't want to get out of this bed at all. Maybe if I called my dad and explained what's been going on he'll take the kids for a couple days so B and I can have some time to ourselves. As awesome as it would be to just stay in bed for a few days and not really talk about anything important, we really do need to hash all of this shit out. Trying to white knuckle our way through all the crap that's happened just isn't working, and not just for her. I'm barely holding on. The only thing that's been keeping me going is knowing my kids would suffer more if I didn't shove my emotions aside and get on with the day.

"I'm not gonna lie, it's definitely not one of your better ideas," I tell her with a little smile on my face. She rolls her eyes again, and my smile turns into a smirk. I bet I could convince her to stay in bed. It shouldn't be that hard considering she hasn't moved at all even though she just said we should get up. I guess she isn't ready to stop playing hooky from being a parent. That's just fine with me since I'm not ready to leave this room either. "The kids will be fine without us for a while. They know where the pantry is, and they have plenty of stuff to do. And I don't think doing what I wanna do would be appropriate in front of them." She quirks her eyebrow a little bit, and I can't help but smile again. She stole that from me and we both know it.

"Oh really? And what would this inappropriate thing be? I'm a respectable mother now, you know, I can't be getting involved in anything that would ruin my shiny reputation," she says, doing her best "snooty white person" voice, and I can't help but crack the fuck up. She breaks too, and we're both just lying here laughing, and I can barely see her right now 'cause my eyes are starting to water. Fuck, I love it when she makes me laugh so hard I cry. It's the fucking best. It's almost as good as sex. Not quite, but a very close second. I force myself to calm down when I laugh so hard I start coughing. It takes a few minutes, but I finally manage to get my breathing back to normal. Man, it feels so fucking good to laugh like that again.

"I was thinking something like this," I say, and put my hand on her stomach again. She goes quiet when she feels me against her, and her eyes focus on my face. The sudden shift in the atmosphere is almost shocking. One second we're laughing, and now it's dead quiet. I'm not too sure how to react to that 'cause it could be a bad thing, but from the look on her face I can tell it isn't. She's biting her bottom lip, and her eyes are getting a little darker, and she just shifted her body so she's facing me a little more instead of being flat on her back like she was. We've been together long enough for me to know when she's saying yes without saying the word.

Just in case she's messing with me and is going to say no, I go really slow. I slide my hand down her stomach and stop when I feel the soft fuzz on her mound. As much as I want to keep going, to run my fingertips through her lips and feel her, I stay right where I am. I know we have to get up soon, we'll have to take showers and put on different clothes so teasing isn't the best idea right now, but I wanna see how far I can push her before she tries to top me. So I gently scratch my nails on the skin, and she sucks in a deep breath. I don't take my eyes off her face, but I can feel her shift her hips, and she spreads her legs a little. I bet if I just keep doing this she'll grab my wrist and push my hand between her legs. It's always so fucking hot when she gets impatient.

But then the worst fucking sound in the history of sounds happens. It's the sound of the doorbell ringing, and then the dogs start barking their heads off. Sasha's bark is deep and scary enough to keep most people away from the house. Anyone who comes around asking if we wanna upgrade to a better cable provider or whatever leaves after a minute or two if we don't answer the door. Missy's voice is really fuckin high pitched and so grating that I seriously can't remember why we decided to keep her in the first place. I understand Buffy wanting to get a new dog for the kids since Tucker and Ruby both passed away but did she have to get the most annoying little dog on the planet?

"I should go see who it is," Buffy says, and I wanna fucking scream. I know we didn't plan on having this time to ourselves, but I'm not ready to give it up yet. She doesn't move, though, and I can tell by the way she's looking at me that she's waiting to see what I'm going to do. I kinda hate it when she does that. It feels like she's testing me, and even if she isn't and it's all in my head, it still gets under my skin. So I let out a little sigh, and kiss her. As soon as my lips touch hers she kisses me back. It's soft, and lingers, and our lips are just kind of pressed together without moving, but I really need this contact right now. Especially since I'm not going to fuckin get the contact that I really want. I know I sound like some spoiled little kid, but I really don't give a shit.

"I'll get dinner goin," I say and sit up. The sheet pools around my waist and out of the corner of my eye I see her eyes roaming up and down my body. I'm not gonna lie, it makes me feel pretty fucking good when she does that. We've been together for twenty years and she still checks me out like when we first started seeing each other. Twenty fucking years, I don't even want to think about that right now. It's making me feel old, and I am many things but old just ain't one of them. "Is chicken and rice ok with you?" I look down at her, and she just nods her head a little. She's still looking at me, staring at my tits, and I don't try to stop the smirk that pulls at the corners of my mouth. Before I can even get outta bed, I hear someone running down the hall. I look over at the door, and about two seconds later someone knocks.

"Mom, Mama, Aunt Willow's here," Joey says, and he sounds upset. What the fuck is going on? Is he that worried we were really going to make him go to bed without dinner if he came up here, 'cause I wasn't being serious about that. Well, at least not really. I would've been pissed as hell if they had interrupted us, but I would never make my kids starve, even if it's just for one night. I know what it's like to go hungry for real, and that shit is not ok. B and I give each other a look that says nothing but "what the hell?" and immediately jump outta bed. I go over to the dresser and grab some clothes for us to slip on, and she starts brushing out her hair, and puts it up in a ponytail. Her neck has a couple of nice, dark hickies and I can't help but smile for a second despite my worry. "Mom, Aunt Willow's here, and she's crying." Shit, kinda forgot he was standing right outside the door.

"We'll be out in a second, Joseph," B says as we put on our clothes as quick as we can. Since I don't really give a shit what my hair looks like, and because Red crying is never a good thing, I rush to the door. When I open it Joey is standing there, and he's so freaking tense he's practically shaking. My little boy is so sensitive. I can't believe I used to think it was a bad thing. I thought he was whiny or just really clingy or whatever, but he's so tuned in to other people's emotions that whenever he's around someone that's upset it's like he absorbs their feelings or whatever. Even though he's a little too big for it, I reach down and pick him up. I hug him close to me, and he wraps his arms around my neck and squeezes as hard as he can.

"It's alright, Little Man," I say, and rub his back. I hear him sniffle, and I feel a couple of hot tears land on my neck. "She's probably just sad because of Grandpa Giles. He meant a lot to her, and she's having a really hard time with everything." He may understand that but I don't think he gets it emotionally. How the fuck could he? He's only eight years old for God's sake. "Why don't you come downstairs and help me make dinner. Does that sound ok?" He just nods his head, and sniffles again. I watch B walk passed me and I can tell it's killing her to just leave him behind. She's an amazing mom ad when one of her babies are hurting she normally doesn't let anything get in the way of taking some time to comfort them, even if it's rubbing their back for a second. But she trusts me, and Red is here and apparently crying, and that could mean something really fucking bad.

I give my boy a little squeeze and kiss him on the side of the head. I can still feel his tears on my neck, but they're not coming as fast as they were so he's starting to calm down a little. That's something, at least. I set him down and we head downstairs. I can hear Red and Buffy talking in the living room, but I don't stop to see what's going on. If Red wants to talk to me I'm sure she'll say something, but I'm too fucking drained from dealing with my own shit to get involved in someone else's problems right now. I know that sounds fucking heartless, but I just don't have the energy to be there for her. And yeah, I am a little pissed about her showing up here right now. She and Xander are friends too, since he's moved here they've gotten close again, so why the fuck can't she cry on his shoulder for a couple hours instead of turning to Buffy all the time?

"What are we making, Mama?" Joey asks, and his voice breaks my heart. There's still a little bit of a tremble to it, and he sounds so fucking sad I just want to wrap him up in my arms and never let him go. I can't do that, though. Buffy used to do that with him all the time and he turned into a little monster. I hate to fuckin say that about my own kid or my wife, but it's true. But that was years ago so there's no point dwelling on it now. "Is Aunt Willow going to stay here tonight?" Ok, that conversation took a very strange twist. How the hell did he go from asking about dinner to asking about that? I pull out the pots and pans I'm going to need, and hand one to him.

"Why do you think she's staying the night?" I ask, and try to keep the frustration out of my voice. Turning to her best friend for comfort is one thing, but there is no fucking way they are getting drunk here. If she wants to do that then she can go home. I've been working really hard to try and keep my kids away from that shit. I even got into a couple of really big fights with Buffy when she brought some alcohol home from the store. We got into a screaming match and I poured it down the sink 'cause there's no way she's exposing our kids to that bullshit. Having a drink or two in front of them is one thing, and we both do that every once in awhile, but getting so shit faced you can barely stand is not something they need to see.

"Because she has a suitcase," he says and puts his pot on the stove. I honestly don't know how to feel about that. I want to go in there and ask a million fuckin questions, but if I do that it'll just make things worse. She came here to talk to Buffy, interrupting and interrogating her would be fuckin pointless. So instead of dwelling on that, I go over to the fridge and pull out the chicken I put in here last night to thaw out. I don't make this very often 'cause risotto is a bitch to get just right, but the kids love it, and starchy foods are kinda my thing when I start to feel good again and want that feeling to last a little longer. Red explained why that happens once, something about the carbs releasing neurotransmitters in the brain but I wasn't really paying attention.

"I don't know, we'll just have to wait and see," I say, and dig out some vegetables from the fridge. I give him one of our old paring knives that we let get pretty dull so the kids can use 'em and set him to cleaning and chopping. I used to cook with my dad sometimes before he went to prison, and those are some of my favorite childhood memories. I look towards the doorway when I hear the front door open and close a little harder than necessary. It wasn't slammed, but whoever shut the door is pissed and trying to hold it back. Then I see B walk into the room, and that vein in her neck is sticking out and I have a bad feeling about this. I'd have to be stupid not to; anyone would be able to tell that she's pissed. "Everything ok?" I know it was a stupid question, but I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"No," she says, and she walks over to Joey. He's concentrating a little too hard on making sure every slice of carrot is exactly the same, which means he's trying as hard as he can to ignore this conversation. She gently rubs his back, and gives him a kiss on the top of his head. I think that was more for her than it was for him. The kids are almost like her little teddy bears, whenever she feels bad and needs some love she'll cuddle up to them and shower 'em with affection. Well, at least she used to before she started drinking. "I'm going to drop Willow off at the training center. I'll be back in a little bit." The look she has in her eyes is kinda freaking me out. She looks like she wants to beat the shit out of someone. She gives Joey another kiss on the head and grabs her car keys off the hook. It must be really bad if she's going to leave the house in nothing but a tank top and sweat pants, and no makeup.

She gives me a kiss on the cheek, which is what we normally do when one of us leaves the house, but I can just tell by the look in her eyes she's not going to just leave. I don't want to know what's goin on, but I don't wanna start a fight by asking her not to say anything. Red's her best friend, and just shoving her aside isn't going to make this any easier. "Sky kicked her out," she whispers against my ear. I can't say I'm fucking surprised by that. I was getting pretty close to doing something drastic before B had her breakdown last night, and she wasn't drinking here. I don't know how Sky put up with that for so fucking long. "They got in a fight last night, and Will...she used magic against Sky. She wouldn't say what she did, exactly, but it's bad, Faith. It's so bad." What the fuck? Red knows better than anyone not to do that shit. She literally wrote the book for the Cleveland school on the rules of magic, and not using magic against an innocent is rule number five.

"Alright, B. I'll go check on her after dinner, ok?" I say, and Buffy rests her head against my shoulder and lets out a big sigh. Sky and I aren't very close, but we're friends. I know if B were to go over there to check on her it would just make things worse. I'm sure Sky is probably feelin some of what I've been feeling the last couple months; that part of the drinking is B's fault, and if she wasn't around so much then Red wouldn't be getting shit faced every night. I thought about that every time I was left to lie in bed alone, staring up at the ceiling wondering if my wife was ever going to come back to me. But right now isn't the time for the blame-game, now it's time for damage control. I stop what I'm doing, and turn so I can wrap my arms around B. I feel her whole body relax, and that eases up some of the tension in my stomach.

"When did everything get so fucked up?" she asks, and there's no fucking way I'm going to open my mouth and say anything. Instead I rub her back, and give her a kiss on the side of her head. She lets out a little sigh, and I feel it throughout her whole body more than I hear it. I look over her shoulder for a second, and Joey is still doing his best to chop the vegetables, only now he's dicing onions for me. He knows how small they need to be whenever we make this so I'm not worried about that. I just hope he isn't going to freak out or breakdown because of all this. The kids have been through so much lately, and I don't know how to help them. "I'll be back in a little while. The chicken's starting to burn." Fuck! I didn't even notice. She gives me a quick peck on the lips before she walks off and I turn the chicken over in the pan. At least dinner is something I have control over. Thank God for the little things, right?


End file.
